hiraeth.
part II.
synopsis: she watches as cassian falls for another, grappling with her own hidden affections and their newly snapped mating bond in the process.
pairing: cassian x fem!reader
fandom: a court of thorns and roses (book series by sarah j maas)
genre: angst
warnings: none
a/n: house of balloons/glass table girls, this is his song... i love him. fluff part two coming up OBVIOUSLY, im not fucking ending it like this i cant do this to my #1 loverboy babygirl kitty princess beloved. @joyseuphoria hi <3
Cassian had always been the beacon of power and resolve, with a demeanor rugged and unyielding. But beneath the surface was vulnerability, and she knew that it was written in the stars for her to remain by his side as his closest friend and confidante, never to become one to uncover that side of him.
But it didn’t make it easier. Watching him as he fell for Nesta’s every glance, every touch, every word that escaped her mouth seemed to throw him deeper and deeper into a trance. And she was fine with that, and accepted it. Accepted that she would never be the object of his softened glances, his featherlight touches, his-
Her thoughts halted as Cassian stormed into the room, frustration radiating off him in waves. She glanced up from her book, her eyes immediately catching the tension etched onto his features. Without a word, she closed her book and shifted, making room for him on the couch.
Cassian collapsed beside her, his movements rough yet familiar. He stretched out, his feet finding their place on her lap almost instinctively. Y/N didn't flinch; instead, she settled into the comfortable silence, waiting for Cassian to speak.
"It's Nesta," he finally muttered, his voice heavy with frustration. "Training with her…it was like walking on eggshells. One wrong move, and she was tearing into me with those ice-cold eyes."
She listened attentively, her gaze soft as she absorbed his words. "It was like she was always testing me," Cassian continued, his voice growing softer with each word. "Pushing me to my limits, making me question everything I thought I knew about myself."
Her fingers instinctively started to massage his feet as he spoke. It was a small gesture, one born out of years of friendship and trust. Cassian didn't protest; instead, he leaned back against the cushions, allowing the soothing touch to ease the tension from his muscles.
As the minutes stretched on, their conversation ebbed and flowed, the weight of Cassian's burdens slowly lifting with each passing moment. Y/N listened, offering words of comfort when needed, but mostly content to provide silent support.
Cassian's breathing eventually evened out, his body relaxing against the cushions. Y/N glanced down to find him fast asleep, his features softened by the serenity of slumber. She smiled softly, her heart swelling with affection.
Suddenly, chains, bolts, and locks shifted, loosening, their weight growing just a little more tolerable. A soul peeked through. Broken, scarred, and trembling — with fear, she realized, but it stretched further and further. Yearning, searching.
It was as though a tether had snapped into place, an invisible thread binding her to Cassian in a way she had never felt before. Confusion flickered as she processed the intensity of the connection, the undeniable pull drawing her closer to him.
She was aware that this was not happening in the slightest. A mind trick. A dream, she thought. betraying once, the jolt of real-time that pushed through her. Burning her cheeks and stealing her breath. How the waking world slipped past the knobby parts of her fingers like a whisper, barely there, because dreaming was just a fancier word for getting lost. It held her there, suspended in imagination and for every second, it felt real. Like she could grasp the outlines and the textures. Like she could touch the weather, drink the clouds, and taste the sunlight.
The gods who had her in a chokehold withdrew.
Death feared her too, it seemed.
He was soaring in the air, and she was on the ground. She tried to reach him but he was far, far out of her reach. Seconds ticked by, and then minutes, and every thought that tried to sneak its way in, through this thick veil, bounced off and dissipated into thin air.
Because she then remembered… that beautiful things shouldn’t be broken. And she had a knack for breaking things.
The soft rays of dawn streamed through the windows of the House of Wind, casting a warm glow over the sitting room where she and Cassian had fallen asleep. As she stirred from her slumber, she found herself alone on the couch, the imprint of Cassian's presence still lingering in the air. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, her mind foggy with the remnants of… dreams? Visions? She felt as though the very fabric of her existence had been torn asunder, leaving her adrift in a sea of uncertainty, but when has that ever stopped her?
So she stood on the ground and longed.
part II here >>
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remus thinks that maybe what makes he and sirius them is how different they are. sirius takes his coffee bitter and his tea without sugar or milk, while remus’ are milky and sweet. sirius prefers sleeping on the left side of the bed, facing the window, and remus sleeps on the right side of the bed, facing the door. sirius is reckless, remus is not; sirius is charismatic, remus prefers having his nose buried in a book. sirius prefers heavier cigarettes, remus prefers them lighter. sirius’ features were of an aristocratic harsh, while remus was all soft edges. sirius’ eyes were light and intimidating, while remus’ held a certain warmth to them.
with them, however, it was always the middle way, some sort of compromise. when they drank coffee and tea together, they put enough sugar and milk for remus to feel and for sirius to ignore. they met somewhere in the middle of the bed, sirius’ limbs draped across remus and his nose buried in the crook between his lover’s nose and neck. remus puts down a bit of the fire in sirius, whereas he brings it out in remus, many times. sirius takes remus out, to socialise, but they enjoy the quiet together, too. when they smoke together, they sometimes smoke what sirius likes, and sometimes what remus prefers. and when their bodies are melded together, and they don’t know where one ends and the other begins, that is when they find eden.
when it all ends, the fire put out, they don’t drink coffee together in the morning. they don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, however, they miss the warmth of the other’s body. they don’t talk anymore, they don’t exchange glances, they’re falling out if love so rapidly, and neither tries to fight it. it would be pointless, either way, wouldn’t it? their bodies no longer fit in each other, instead their feelings are too big for their apartment, for their bodies, now spilling out and burning, scorching. they don’t know who they are anymore, they don’t know what happened to the old them, to the love that used to burn them. they burn each other now, too, though, instead with bitterness and resentment. when they had turned into that is irrelevant; it’s too late to go back, now.
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Currently tly too tipsy to say it properly but I genuinely love this community
Y'all are dope and chill and just great, I think the solidarity we find in our weirdness is kinda like the glue of the community. Like yeah *some* people suck but some people suck always regardless of the community you're in. Granted I think we may have a higher percentage of creepy mfs who have no clue how to communicate than other groups
I'm just glad that we all have a space to be weird and horny and swoon over hot people, and I hope that this space can remove the people that suck over time. We gotta make this space non hostile for all parties regardless of the kink demographic they fall under. From what I've heard @unclemotherfucker and the mods of that telegram channel do a great job at fostering a healthy community(I'm not involved I've just heard) and I'm glad they're putting in the work. People that are THAT involved are precious to the long term health of a community
Either way, idk where I'm going with this I'm just cuddled up and comfy after Luke 6 glasses of wine and yeah I just think y'all are great and im so thankful that I have been able to be a part of this community. Deadass used to be so ashamed of it and it took me u til I was 23 years old to fucking realize that I'm not as weird and obtuse and terrible as I thought, I'm just a guy with weird but understandable tastes
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