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spenceswife · 1 year

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I can’t tell you (1/2?)

Dave Lizewski x black!reader

Warnings: Cursing, argument, lost trust

Summary- Dave has been acting weird lately and when Yn finds out he was in a alleyway with another girl she loses full trust in him.

pt. 2- https://www.tumblr.com/spenceswife/736249594091012096/i-cant-tell-you-22

Today was a good day. I’ve been in the local cafe working on all my assignments for school when one of my friends popped up.

“Hey Yn!” Lisa sat in the chair across me

“Hey how you been?” I ask taking a sip of coffee

“Good… but i wanted to talk to you about something.” she said nervously moving side to side

“Yeah what’s up” she took a deep breath before replying

“So I was walking to the comic store earlier and I saw Dave in the Alleyway with a girl and uh his shirt was off.” I stared at her not trying to freak out.

“Oh. What’d she look like?” I tried to smile “She was white, blonde, and kinda short” she grabbed my hand immediately.

“I promise it’s okay to cry, we can go for a walk if you need” I shook my head trying to hide my watery eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll talk to him” she gave me hug walking out the store.

It was one thing for Dave to start blowing me off out of nowhere but him being caught makes it worse.

I had to think about anyone it could be. Myself esteem started to lower, i’m nothing like the girl Lisa explained. I was a chubby black girl with curly hair. It’s just heartbreaking hearing your partner is with someone else.

-

“Hey babe” Dave kissed my cheek sitting down on the bleachers next to me.

I kept my head forward watching the other students play games around the gym.

“I’ve tried to catch your attention in the halls but I guess you didn’t see him” he gently laughed putting his hand over mine.

“I saw you.” I blankly say. “So why didn’t you stop?” he turned his head towards me trying to catch my eye.

“Thought you would have better plans to do” he raised his brow never really seeing me like this.

“Can you look at me? What are you talking about” he tried shifting me towards him.

I shake my head crossing my arms.

“Yn please. Why are you mad at me?” his big brown eyes begged. And as much as I wanted to kill him I couldn’t

“You don’t wanna be together anymore Dave? Just say that. Stop trying to keep me around when your bored” he jumped back

“Whoa whoa what are you talking about?” I roll my eyes

“For one everytime I try to hang you have a lame excuse as to why you can’t. And two Lisa told me she saw you in an alley with a girl. With your fucking shirt off Dave. So I think that’s why i’m mad at you.”

His mouth was open trying to think about what to say

“It’s definitely not what you think babe I promise.” he grabbed my hands looking me in the eyes

“Then tell me what it really was. Because this is a crazy thing to justify Dave.” he closed his eyes

“I can’t tell you…” ripping my hands from his grasp I grab my bag standing

“Yeah i’m done.” shaking my head I head out the gym towards the bathrooms.

Dave sat there in shock. Did he really just lose his girlfriend over a misunderstanding?

#dave lizewski x reader #dave lizewski #black reader #fem reader #black fem reader #Angst #Breakup #black plus size reader #black chubby reader #chubby reader #kick ass #kickass 2

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universecity-podcast · 1 month

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Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

I've cried a lot as a child. Too much, perhaps, but as i can remember i was a very quiet and sad kid. But mostly at night, when no one could see me. When i was very small, i cried loud, so my parents wpuld hear me, and care for me. when i got older and my parents divorced, i stopped. I cried quietly, not wanting to get noticed, into my pillow or my plushie. The plushie is called Leo. I still have him, take that little lion everywhere with me. I remember how he catched my tears at night so my pillow wouldnt be wet. I remember how i cut his fur and my own hair, wanting to donate it to children that dont have any. Obviously, that didnt work and my parents just got angry at me for it. I cut my hair a few times as a child. Perhaps that was one of the early signs that i was trans. Either way, everytime i cry, i can taste my tears on my lips and feel them run down my cheeks. hear my quiet sobs, and suddenly im the 7-year old child without friends that was scared of its stepfather again. Suddenly im the child that needed therapy because its family situation traumatised it again. Suddenly im that child that just gets laughed at all the time and that no one wants to play with again. So i was a sad child. but im an even sadder teen. Im a transboy with a transphobic family. I get misgendered everywhere. At school, at home. My classmates make fun of me for it. they talk about me all the time. about how weird i am. not even my irl friends use my right name. when i told my dad, i prepared a PowerPoint. i couldn't even talk, had a full on panic attack so i just skipped through the presentation and let him read. He didnt let me get halfway through before he told me that there was no way he would support me in any way. I keep telling myself that in 3 years i can transition, but i am scared for the city. The goverment already monitors us all, we as queer people are barely legal right now, and it just gets worse ans worse. There are a lot of allies in the city, that try to throw the government over from the inside. but in the end, the government and the bad people are everywhere. We cant get rid of them. And I think it only gets worse. If i didn't manage to escape the city in 4 years, and if in 3 years, the city controls us completely and makes us live under even worse circumstances than we do right now, I'll cut my signal off. I mean it, old sport. I'll remove myself from the system. Because i cant live that way.

Radio out.

#radio #radio silence #universe city #podcast #vent #trans people

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beautiful-is-boring · 2 years

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Through the phone

Gojo satoru x Fem!Reader (she/her) | Fluff, very minimal angst if you squint, JJK MANGA SPOILERS

Summary: Gojo, your crush, rambles on and on about you, unaware that you're listening.

writing this was an impulsive decision so if this ends up being bad or cringe or if i make gojo ooc on accident im so sorry lol

"SHOKO IERI" Gojo's loud and booming voice startled his friend who was speaking to someone on the phone, causing her to yelp.

"hold on dear gimme a moment" she said to the person on the other side "satoru what the fuck?"

"I have so much to tell you about y/n!" he said to her with gleaming eyes that were covered by his blindfold, but shoko could easily tell he had heart eyes, since the topic was about you, his crush.

"not now! can't you see im talking to someone?"

"no. I will stay here and say whatever I want, and you will listen, and if that person wants they can listen too because y/n is just one of a kind okay? They also need to know about how cool she is!"

Shoko smirked to herself. Gojo would ramble on about you, and sometimes, he would sit quiet thinking of you; but he never made a move. You didn't either. Both of you were shy, stupid, dumbfucks who were afraid of rejection and attachment, even though you both wanted each other (her words, not mine)

She could have cut the call, but she didn't. She had a trick up her sleeve. It was you on the other end after all; and her long time friend didn't know that.

"go on ;)"

"so..." satoru began "i cannot stress this enough, and i know i said this loads of times before, but her smile is EVERYTHING. And her laugh? HEAVENLY. She could smile and giggle and boom! depression doesn't exist anymore! And everytime she smiles at me or I make her laugh I can feel myself BLUSHING and going RED but obviously she can't know that so I laugh it off saying its the heat, and I am so glad it is summer right now because that girl is really smart. Her brain is so hot. But she's dumb and oblivious a lot of times and its hilariously cute."

'Her smile is everything.' 'I can feel myself blushing.' 'Her brain is hot.' What the fuck? You could hear everything he was saying to shoko through your phone. Blushing profusely, your eyes widened automatically. This was Gojo, your crush, and an egoistical bastard. He would never admit any of the things he was unapologetically saying at the very moment. You knew your feelings were reciprocated yet you continued to listen to know what he actually thought of you.

"Like- she's so pretty its illegal." He continued gushing on about you while Shoko silently snickered to her self and you froze completely.

"Honestly? She's so badass and doesn't give a shit about anything else but she's so caring. I saw her help this small kid in the park whose balloon was stuck on a tree and she helped him get the balloon back, and I instantly fell in love. You already know sweet she is with the students, they love her! AND SHE MAKES SPECIAL CHOCOLATES FOR ME! How cool is that! She..." his voice quietened down a bit "she makes me feel special shoko. She makes me feel loved. She cares about me a lot. Its just a different kind of feeling. But im scared, I don't want to lose her. You-you know what happened to getou- i cant-"

He took in a heavy breath and paused for a second "I dont want to lose her in any way. What if they target her because of me? I know she's so damn strong, nothing can touch her. But that 1% still remains. Or what if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings? Her and I are close friends and i don't want to lose that too. And on top of that I am busy and I am a hard guy to be with."

"well, what do you want to do?" Shoko asked him with a softer smile.

"I..I think i'm gonna stop. She deserves better if im being honest. She needs someone who can pamper her and give her time. I am done-"

"Satoru?"

Your shaky voice could be heard from shoko's phone.

Gojo froze and everything around him went quiet. You. It was you, the one only y/n, on the phone. The one he was in love with. The one he just rambled on and on about to his friend, and you heard every single word. He could feel his mind go hay-wire. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole from the embarrassment. He wanted to go to some foreign country, dig a hole, crawl in it and die. He felt vulnerable, panicked and so much more.

"Satoru? Are you still there?" your voice broke the silence, drawing his attention to you.

He decided to get it over with.

"heyyyy y-y/n? hehe listen don-don't worry about it i-i was just joking- i mean i was n-not- but you don-t have to take me seriously like i-i respect your feelings and if you don't return them t-that is okay but please lets still be friends but i was hoping for-"

"Satoru...please, tell me the truth. Please tell me you're not joking."

With a heavy sigh, he spoke into shoko's phone. "Y/n, I like you. 'I am in love with you' would be a better choice of words, but I don't want to be awkward, it feels as if I'm going too fast. Look, its okay if you don't like me back, and I completely get it; but I have hidden my feelings for a really long time now, and I just wanna say that I will always be by your side, protecting you, supporting you, being the bestfriend that you need during hard times."

"Why do I need you as my bestfriend to support me when you can do the same while being my boyfriend?"

w h a t

Gojo satoru's eyes widened and his mouth hung open. What the hell did you just say to him? "...what? y-y/n what are you saying?"

"I..I wanted to confess my feelings for you for so damn long but I was scared to lose you. I think we both were." you giggled softly and gojo could feel his heart swell. "Satoru, I like you too. I like you so so so much."

"I can't believe it!" he whispered.

"I'm in my office room. Meet me now." That was all you said before you hung up. Gojo could hear the nervousness from your voice, while keeping in mind that he was very nervous too, and he probably gave it away because of his stuttering at the start. He felt butterflies in his stomach, partly from his nervousness and partly from the happiness he felt from receiving your confession.

He looked at shoko with shocked eyes.

"Don't be a wimp and just go to her." Shoko responded to his look, and smiled. "You'll be fine."

Gojo took a deep breath in, then out, and then teleported himself to your office.

His eyes fell on you the moment he stepped foot in that room. You were seated on a big couch that you owned, looking ethereal as ever in the golden rays of the sun that entered into the room through your open windows. Gojo couldn't help but blush at how beautiful you looked, even while being so nervous, and he could feel his heart do a backflip when you gave him a soft smile with a small "hi".

"hi." he replied back, not knowing what to say. His awkward stance was adorable.

"you look really cute when you're flustered." Your compliment made him smile as you both walked towards each other. It was not normal for THE Gojo satoru to be this soft, this flustered, the reason being a person.

"and you, my darling, you...look absolutely adorable when you smile." you both chuckled lightly as he booped your nose with his finger, drinking in the sight of you smiling. "...is it too early to call you darling-?"

"no no it isn't!...I like it." It was your turn to blush now. "What nickname do I use for you?" You tiptoed and wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his arms go around your waist, gazing into his ocean like eyes twinkling behind the glasses.

"Anything. What do you want to call me?"

"'Toru'. How does that sound?"

"Don't ever call me anything other than that." was all he said before he leaned down and softly placed his lips over yours, feeling a different kind of happiness for the first time in forever.

------------------------------

Taglist: @narcwhore @bollywoodgrandma @vampire-rat-bastard @levis-hazelnut

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lanterns-and-daydreams · 1 month

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Hello! This is my first ever fanfic that i have written, so it might be kind of bad, but please bear with me. I hope you enjoy it :)

WINE AND WOES

Warnings: spoilers of The Battle of the Labyrinth and The Last Olympian

CHAPTER 1

NIGHTMARES

Pollux

I cant breathe. My throat feels like its constricting. I feel like im being strangled. Theres hands on my neck, his hands. Help. Help. Help-

I jolt awake, breathing heavily. The room is quiet, the only sound being my heavy, laboured breaths. I sit up slowly, my lungs feeling like their burning, my eyes stinging. I look around my dorm. I moved to Camp Jupiter a while after the battle with Gaia to go New Rome University to study botany.

I try to regulate my breathing, but its hard, especially when thoughts of him plague me almost every night. My throat constricts. Its been years since he died, and yet, everytime i think of him, my heart feels as if theres a hole in its place. A gaping hole, full of nothing but grief, regret, and guilt. I couldve saved him, i shouldve saved him. I shouldve been there. It should've been me and not him. Tears sting my eyes and threaten to fall as i try desperately not to remember his face. But that proves to be extremely difficult when his face is the same as mine

Its your fault

Its not my fault i try to convince myself, albeit however much it sounds like a lie

Is that the delusion you live under?

Please. Please, leave me alone, as if im not haunted enough

You deserve it. You deserve this pain.

The tears begin to slowly roll down my cheeks and i can do nothing to stop them. My breath hitches and i sob. He haunts my nightmares, he haunts me and won't leave me alone. I can never escape him, no matter how hard i try. He looks like me. Everytime i look in the mirror, i see him. His lifeless face. The face that couldve-- shouldve-- been full of life and light. A face that shouldve been smiling and grinning. The face of the boy who i grew up with. My brother, my twin, my other half.

Castor

I choke at the memory of his name. I try to get out of bed and move. I dont know where im going, i dont know what im doing. My legs wobble and i fall to the floor on my knees, my vision blurring momentarily. His face flashes behind my eyes. His lifeless face as his body went limp on the floor after he got stabbed and then hit on the head by an enemy. I couldnt help him. My arm was broken, and all i could do was lay there, staring at my brother, bleeding to his death, as he smiled at me one last time and did the little salute we always did ever since we were kids in a way of saying 'see ya later, loser' before his eyes glazed over.

I fall to my side and wrap my arms around myself, hugging myself as my body trembles. I was in denial, the whole way when another demigod helped me get to the healing camp, i was in denial. Pretending he wasnt dead, hoping so desperately that this was all just a dream, that he'd come back to me, that id wake up in my cabin and id see him laying on the bed next to mine.

I remember when his shroud burned. Purple and violet flowers, violet like his eyes, and the symbol of our father, Dionysus. I had stared, tears streaming down my face. Not bawling, not sobbing, just silently having a war with myself, and others must have seen it too. Will came to me afterwards, asking if i was okay, i hadnt answered him, he left after that. I wanted to cry, i wanted to sob and be angry, but i couldn't. I didnt know what was wrong with me, i hated myself for it.

I had gone back to my cabin. And then i had sobbed and bawled and cried till i had blacked out. I had skipped meals, and shut myself out. I thought itd get better with time. It did not. Even a snippet of our memories together makes me weak and vulnerable and want to cry.

Memories of our childhood flash behind my eyes. Two small boys, playing in the strawberry fields of Camp Half-Blood, eating strawberries, laughing and running around, their faces full of light and happiness, the sun gleaming in their golden blond hair, the light shining in their violet eyes, making them look like pieces cut from the purest of amethysts.

Two boys, arguing over what their secret handshake should be, and then eventually deciding on a two fingered salute. Stealing eachother's toys, clothes, and food, telling the worst jokes to each other but cracking up anyway, pretending to be each other and imitating personalities. Goofing around all day, pretending the world wasnt all that bad, as long as they had eachother. I used to always look for him when i woke up, checking the bed next to me to see if he was there.

And then the battle with Kronos had happened, and then one of them was gone. Now i dont even have to look at the bed next to mine when i visit Camp Half-Blood to know hes not there

My eyes land on the vertical upright mirror. I see a boy staring back at me, his face tear-streaked and his blond hair matted to his forehead, his chest moving up and down with his laboured breaths. Its him. Its me. And its all i have left.

Being alone had never bothered me. Castor didnt stay with me all the time, sometimes he left to train, or go talk with some other campers, or just going about his day in general. We were the only Dionysus kids, so we didnt really have any other siblings, so i was alone a lot. Being alone never bothered me, but being alone has never felt this lonely.

I shut my eyes, letting the sting subside. I sigh and open them again.

Im sorry

You should be

I close my eyes again and imagine him here.

I know. I am. Im sorry. I wish i could bring you back, but even if i could, i would never bring you back to this hell. All i hope for is that you can forgive me, and that you wait for me in the Elysium. We'll meet again, Cas. One day. One day, ill see you again. But till then, all i have are my wine and woes

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hcvenue · 9 months

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doie is beautiful, exquisite, precious, perfect, elegant, fantastic, stunning, world changing, alluring, the best person in the world, outselling all these flops, jaw dropping, amazing, impressive, noble, exquisite, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, soft, graceful, marvellous, feet kicking, making my heart go cherry bomb, awfully addictive, admirable, fascinating, soothing, comforting, underappreciated, loveable, revolutionary, mesmerising, classy, captivating, my sugarpop, my pookie, my muffin, my angel, my dear, my darling, my sweetheart, my honey, the loml, my one and only, the only person i see, my comfort person, my home, my everything, my universe. but most importantly, my kdy. hes making me shed so many tears, dreamy, out of this world, making me feel something i never felt before, the person that showed me a new side of myself, making me emotionally attached to it, amazing which you can’t explain in words. he ended wars. solved world hunger. his voice is ear blessing, such an eargasm, my fav ever, sweet like cotton, smth that i would die to hear 24/7, indescribably amazing, unique, making me weak and much more that i cannot define.

i love doyoung hes my comfort person istg. everytime i dont know what to do with life, i go watch his vlogs. they are really comforting to me aaa. i appreciate doyoung and his talents soso much that i can’t explain in words. like im new to nct but still am so amazed how he can be such a great person ☹️☹️ sure, there are more people out there that love doie more than i do and i’m by far not the best doiezen but that doesnt stop me from loving him right? (not in the delusional way dw) everytime i look at him my heart aches. how can someone be like him? last my 3 months were amazing because of him! hes so incredibly talented and comforting. nothing matters more than he does. i genuinely dont know what i even did before stanning nct and doyoung. gosh the man he is. i hope that he knows that us nctzens appreciate him really much and hope for the best <3 oh my god hes the reason of my joy and happiness how could i ever survive without knowing that kim dongyoung exists. whenever im not in the mood for anything, doie is the solution. not only is he just an idol to me, no, hes also my everything that i’ll love beyond infinity. his words are like a melody in my head that is never going to go away. sometimes i do wonder if future june would still adore doyoung as much as my current self does rn. me rn would be so devastated if i would not ult doie. id have more to say but yes. for now, we can live, laugh and love thanks to my lovely star doyoung!

i love you with all of my heart, body and soul. nothing will ever stop my love for you. distance may be keeping us apart but remember, you will always be embedded in my heart! something about you makes me fall deep for you ml. you’re the main character in my masterpiece labeled life. i dont get how anyone could not be obsessed with you. its so unbelievable that we live under the same sky. my undying love for you is deep to the core, doie. nothing feels better than seeing you my dear. your lively eyes remind me of the freshly fallen snow on a glacial winter day. the cheerful smile that i’m dying to see daily, that pleasing look, your presence and those adorable habits arent enough to define your astonishing existence. you inspire me sm. something about you makes me want to achieve things. i need you love. kim doyoung, my eternity, my only one, my universe and beyond, please don’t ever stop being the way you are.

remember the first time i saw doyoung? the memories are amazing. it was clear from the start that i was meant to be a nctzen. i just cant comprehend that one clip of my bae would be the start of a beautiful journey that is going to blossom to a greater extent! my whole life was dry and boring until you came into it. not even sunghoon was enough to make me feel as good as you do. youre special, kim dongyoung. doyoung you will always be iconic!

#in conclusion; i love doyoung #i might not be the best doiezen but i love doyoung sm you guys have to understand </33 #hes so beautiful #this was in my notes app PLS.

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hanniebanggi · 11 months

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𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧-𝐰𝐞𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐮𝐢

Warnings: None. not proofread :)

ever since you met wen junhui, you've never seen him like this before. when he asked you to be his tutor because he's failing in chemistry, he was so full of himself, the typical popular playboy in you school. you don't even know if he really listens to whatever you're saying since he's just staring at you as if he's mocking the way you speak. but things feel different these days, he seems more focused on learning, when your hands graze each other he would flinch, when you try to talk to him, he wouldnt answer you with his smartass comebacks. its like youre seeing a possessed wen junhui.

"what's up with you?" you asked, in the middle of teaching him, he stopped taking down notes as he looked at you and nervously laughed.

"what do you mean?"

"you seem so different."

he brushed his hair as he started writing once again,

"i dyed my hair black. that's why.|"

you just looked at him suspiciously, and as he can feel your eyes on him, he looked back at you with a slight smirk on his face.

"you're weird, junhui."

"no. you are."

you sighed as you pulled the notebook away from him. this is getting frustrating, everytime you try to talk to him, he would shut you down and ignore you until its the end of your session.

"did i do something wrong?"

"what? no."

"then why are you avoiding me?"

jun chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck.

" i wouldnt be here im avoiding you,"

as he snatched his notebook back.

you let out a frustrated sigh as you moved your sit near his.

"you either tell me why or -"

"or what? you're weird these days, why do you keep on asking me that." he cut you off.

"you wont even look at me, jun."

"so what? its not like you should care?"

you shook your head as you started packing your books back to your bag.

"where are you going? our time's not done yet." jun said as he tried to stop you from packing your things.

"i'm telling our prof youre not cooperating with me, so, ill just stop tutoring you."

"wait, hold on. okay, hold on!" junhui exclaimed as he takes your books out of your back.

you looked at him tiredly, tears suddenly brimming in your eyes from frustrations.

"what now?! one second youre ignoring me then youre begging me to stay, what do you from me, jun?!"

he looked down, his ears are flushed red, palms are sweaty as his legs can't stay still.

"why cant you answer? what do you want from me?! why are you avoiding me?!"

"i-i want, i want-" you were shocked when jun looked at you with his eyes teary, as if he's trying so hard not cry.

"what? what do you want?!"

"you! i want you, okay?! i'm avoiding you because everytime you look at me, my knees wobble, every touch makes me weak, everything about you suddenly makes my heart skip a beat! i'm avoiding you because i'm inlove with you! i'm so inlove with you that i know you dont like me that way that i'm happy to just see you and hear you! i'm avoiding you because i'm stopping myself from falling deeper into you!" he was breating heavy, as if a boulder of hidden emotions was lifted of his heart, he looks at you with tears in his eyes, full of love and frustration.

just like a snap of a hand, you bursted in tears as you hit his chest.

"how can you say that?! how dare you tell me that i dont feel the same about you? you dont have the right to dictate about my feelings, you jerk!"

"i love you too wen junhui, goddamnit!"

#Spotify #seventeen #seventeen x reader #svt #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen angst #seventeen jun #wen junhui #moon junhui #junhui x you #jun svt #svt fanfic #svt reaction #seventeen headcanon

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pseudopeachy · 2 years

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how do you think mikey or draken would react to you giving them the nickname "snakey snek" upon meeting them bc of their tattoos?

i cant stop thinking about it i find it so funny (everytime i see their tatts i hear im a sneek im a slithery lil snakey snek vine in my head)

my first ask omg thanks for this anon! <33

I hope I found the right vid tho, I actually did not see it coming lmfaooo 😭

btw can't write comical things for shit but i rlly had fun with this ask <33

--

DRAKEN:

I personally think you met Draken when the tattoo was like a day old

You were in the brothel, waiting for your guardian to end their shift so the both of you could finally go home. That's when you spot this giant ass of a kid entering the lobby.

The both of you were very confused as to why you were there.

Sensing the incoming awkward atmosphere + deciphering why this boy was literally eyeing you down, you decided to go for a small talk

"Nice snake, dude. Sneaky snakey snake." you said, eyes zeroing on the inked animal on the stranger's head.

Draken was taken aback. What snake were you talking about???

"Do you not know what a dragon looks like?"

It's either you blush a thousand shades of red and profusely apologize or you say sorry once and desperately tried to change the subject before it becomes one of your core memories, there's no in between

Yes he kept laughing at you until he was red

ofc he told your guardian abt the so-called snakey snake and no, nobody listened to your explanation

rip ur reputation and dignity ig

Then again, what's one tiny embarrassment when you became friends with said scary giant tho,,

Draken def calls you his 'lil mouse' after this lmao

MIKEY:

OOF

Being a bakery owner in Shibuya meant you're supposed to be up and at 'em even before the sun rises

Sacrificing sleep is alr second nature, so why not open up shop while your body runs on a cup of freshly brewed coffee and three hours of shut-eye?

So lo and behold, this blond man casually walks up to your store half an hour later. Your staff members were yet to arrive so you had to accommodate the customer

A 'good morning' and 'what will it be for today?' casually passed your lips as the man scanned the displays of fresh pastries. He ordered a chocolate croissant, pudding, and black coffee.

And just before you can return to your post after giving his order, you caught a glimpse of black ink peeking through his jacket. It was quite familiar considering you had a similar one on your right upper thigh.

"I don't mean to sound like a creep or anything sir, but your snake tattoo looks good. A cute and slithery little snakey snake if I say so myself."

You really hoped he’d get the reference tho

The innocent giggles died down once the blond's piercing gaze met with your tired pair.

"It's kinda embarrassing for a person your age to not know what a dragon looks like."

If coffee didn't wake you up, that did lmao

so of course, you gave him a parting gift as an apology because you were literally halfway to burying yourself alive after that

He became one of your regulars tho. You learned his name was Mikey.

Mikey wasn't quite talkative, but he really likes calling you his 'lil bunny' !!!

#draken #ken ryuuguji #draken x reader #mikey #mikey x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers fluff #idk what is this lmao #peachyqueues

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xxjunebestgirltoesrhotuwuxx · 8 months

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june is beautiful, exquisite, precious, perfect, elegant, fantastic, stunning, world changing, alluring, the best person in the world, outselling all these flops, jaw dropping, amazing, impressive, noble, exquisite, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, soft, graceful, marvellous, feet kicking, making my heart go cherry bomb, awfully addictive, admirable, fascinating, soothing, comforting, underappreciated, loveable, revolutionary, mesmerising, classy, captivating, my sugarpop, my pookie, my muffin, my angel, my dear, my darling, my sweetheart, my honey, the loml, my one and only, the only person i see, my comfort person, my home, my everything, my universe. but most importantly, my kdy. shes making me shed so many tears, dreamy, out of this world, making me feel something i never felt before, the person that showed me a new side of myself, making me emotionally attached to it, amazing which you can’t explain in words. she ended wars. solved world hunger. her voice is ear blessing, such an eargasm, my fav ever, sweet like cotton, smth that i would die to hear 24/7, indescribably amazing, unique, making me weak and much more that i cannot define.

i love june shes my comfort person istg. everytime i dont know what to do with life, i go watch her vlogs. they are really comforting to me aaa. i appreciate june and her talents soso much that i can’t explain in words. like im new to dodo farm but still am so amazed how she can be such a great person ☹️☹️ sure, there are more people out there that love june more than i do and i’m by far not the best yeri toe but that doesnt stop me from loving her right? (not in the delusional way dw) everytime i look at her my heart aches. how can someone be like her? last my 3 months were amazing because of her! shes so incredibly talented and comforting. nothing matters more than she does. i genuinely dont know what i even did before stanning dodo farm and june. gosh the woman she is. i hope that she knows that us yeri toes appreciate her really much and hope for the best <3 oh my god shes the reason of my joy and happiness how could i ever survive without knowing that june exists. whenever im not in the mood for anything, june is the solution. not only is she just an idol to me, no, shes also my everything that i’ll love beyond infinity. her words are like a melody in my head that is never going to go away. sometimes i do wonder if future ky would still adore june as much as my current self does rn. me rn would be so devastated if i would not ult june. id have more to say but yes. for now, we can live, laugh and love thanks to my lovely star june!

i love you with all of my heart, body and soul. nothing will ever stop my love for you. distance may be keeping us apart but remember, you will always be embedded in my heart! something about you makes me fall deep for you ml. you’re the main character in my masterpiece labeled life. i dont get how anyone could not be obsessed with you. its so unbelievable that we live under the same sky. my undying love for you is deep to the core, june. nothing feels better than seeing you my dear. your lively eyes remind me of the freshly fallen snow on a glacial winter day. the cheerful smile that i’m dying to see daily, that pleasing look, your presence and those adorable habits arent enough to define your astonishing existence. you inspire me sm. something about you makes me want to achieve things. i need you love. june, my eternity, my only one, my universe and beyond, please don’t ever stop being the way you are.

remember the first time i saw june? the memories are amazing. it was clear from the start that i was meant to be a yeri toe. i just cant comprehend that one clip of my bae would be the start of a beautiful journey that is going to blossom to a greater extent! my whole life was dry and boring until you came into it. not even sunghoon was enough to make me feel as good as you do. youre special, june. june you will always be iconic!

- @yeritos

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lenfantsauvagestuff · 2 months

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this song says "fantasy is not a crime, find your castles in the sky" but when i try people always start to yell at me like my mom she comes into my room without knocking while im doing my stuff and starts screaming that im not productive enough and that i have to stop doing what im doing and do what she tells me to do

i really dont know what im doing wrong, all i ever wanted was to have a normal life, to have a caring family and some good friends but all i have is autism, toxic parents, and everybody at school who thinks im crazy and that refuse to consider me as part of them, and everybody they just hate me, laugh at me, point their fucking finger in my direction like wtf am i doing wrong, all i wanted was to have friends and a normal life

like my mom she sends me to a psychologist because she "wants me to feel ok" but then after all the hard work the psychologist does to make me feel fine she treats me like shit and just behaves like the average toxic person and refuses to even just try to understand how i feel and then shes like "but why do you not have any idea for your future, why dont you know what you want to do once you finish high school?!" like of course i dont know what to do, because when i knew and told her about how i wanted to become a professional musician she would yell things like you better find a decent job and stop wasting time by just daydreaming about shit that will never happen. but i was like 9 or 10. i was just a small girl behaving like a small girl. what was i doing wrong? why did she have to come and ruin everything? now she wonders why i never open up w her. of course i dont, if everytime i talk about something cool i did she starts to talk shit about how that thing is irrelevant for my future and i better go studying.

because of her my life never felt really complete. i never felt like i could have peace when i was in my room doing hobbies. i never felt like i could tell her the entire truth about my passions or about the things i like to do. tell me why is that? i was just a kid doing shit kids do, why did she have to come and take it all away? or course now i have the mentality of a child, because i never had the possibility to express myself fully.

plus at school, i cant be just a normal person. people they all treat me like a crazy weirdo. all i want is just friends. but my classmates they only see me when teachers treat me the special way and start talking shit about how teachers favour me.

yea now because of all this being the special kid, and the weird kid at the same time, and then never growing up out of my childhood i cry every day just because my eyes they feel like it. and i didnt even learn normal shit like how to communicate w people, how to make friends, how to behave like a normal human being because my mom she was always overprotective and didnt teach me. now im scared to ask people for help, or to stay in touch with people.

but mommy why did ou have to do this to me? i was just a child, all i wanted to do was to be a child. but you came and ruined everything. now because of you i am so miserable and hopeless

#lenfantsauvage #mine #vent #ventcore #vent post #selfharrrm #self h@rm #autism #autistic life #toxic mom #toxic family #toxic parents #lonely girl #lonely thoughts #im never gonna make it to my 20s #kill me please #kidcore #nightcore #depressing shit

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moldbehindyourfridge · 2 years

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“I love you always”

Summary: snape is your father and he hates to see you sad </3

Dad!snape x son!reader

Warnings a bit of tickling mentions of stress and feeling unhappy not perfect english

You where sitting In your private dorm taking notes on some herbs and plants you had found In the woods when you heard to Sound of your door opening. “What?” You groan pinching the bridge of your nose “is there another exam i have to study for? Or did i make the potion wrong again?” You asked annoyed “no y/n iam simply just checking up on you” your father answerd sounding a little concerned you stayed silent and looked out the window “hey Whats up with you?” He asked placing a hand on your shoulder. You sigh tears starting to form In your eyes “its just i just feel like the only reason you even talk to me is because of my grades i just keep on trying to make you proud every single day but the only reason you even talk to me is because i made one mistake thats the only reason anybody really notices me for that matter. I just cant do anything right and No matter how hard i try i Will always be a failiure” you sob tears falling down your cheeks “y/n” your father sighs pulling you into his lap letting you cry into his chest soaking his robes while he rubbed your back. “Y/n listen to me you are the most clever student i have ever had In my class words cant even discribe how proud of you i am but not only are you my favorite student you are also my son i cant help but see myself In you everytime i look at you and the reason i mostly only talk about your mistakes is because i just Want the best for you. And never forget that its okay to make mistakes and it dosent make you any less clever you are not even close to being a failure and i Will never stop being proud of you y/n” he said as you broke down your cries filling the room as you clung to him “I’m sorry” you sob “shhh you did nothing wrong y/n” he said letting you calm down. After 5 minutes you raise your head up from your fathers chest “there you are” he chuckles cupping your cheek tenderly. “My perfect boy” he adds “oh wipe that frown off your face” he said smirking you raise an eyebrow. “I can’t just wipe a frown off my face dad” you answer confused “then how about I help you a little” he asks suddenly creeping closer before you had time to react your fathers hands where on your stomach poking and tickling you “hey knock it off” you giggle trying to push His hands away. “Dad this isnt funny let go off me” you laugh “oh really you Sound like your having lots of fun tho” he teased scribbling his fingers all over your tiny body watching How you burst out laughing and start to kick your legs. You scream when he starts to poke at your Inner thighs and legs “oh no this seams like bad a spot dosent it?” He teased again lifting up your shirt and blowing a raspberry on your tummy. while still attacking your inner thighs enjoying listening to your screams mixed with laughter “dad please stop” you laugh “ill only stop if you admit that your not a failiure” your father mutters your still a laughing mess “okay okay you win!” You shriek. “So What are you?” Your father Said looking up at you “n-not a failiure” you giggle your father was tickling your hips. “Good job”he adds and he stops.”holy shit” you pant “language y/n” he warns smilling “or would you like to try again” he asked “No!” You yelp squirming and your father chuckles”alright I wont if you behave” he warns playfully. “What’s the time again?” you ask “I don’t know let me just check” he says pulling out his watch. “It’s almost 1am?!” He said “we must have lost track of time “wait I don’t have time to study for tomorrow!” You panic “you know what I think I’ll just sign us both in as sick then we can have the whole day for us self tomorrow then we can watch some movies or something like that” your father said and your eyes lit up “thanks dad your the best!” You muse hugging your father as he chuckles “your welcome but i think you need to get to bed now” your father adds “okay I’m also quite tired” you answer going into the bathroom to brush your teeth. “Goodnight y/n” Said your father “goodnight dad” you answer and close your bedroom door.

#snape community #snape #snape fluff #snape tickle #snape imagines

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crovoroh · 2 years

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Gosh, so i read Runaway Max, and before i get into my book report this shit aint canon, it says its an official novel but im taking that with a grain of salt cause the cali backstory timeline doesnt match st3. But this book had so many moment where i was like oh man are they gonna go in depth with the child abuse at Billy AND Max by Neil?? And they just side stepped that narration everytime it came up. Also if i took a shot every time the author called Billy dangerous id get alcohol poisoning. I know its told from the point of view of Max but come on, you can be smarter then this. Anyways this is gonna be long and rambly probably

I just cant get over how many times this story touched base on not just telling but showing litteral child abuse and side stepped it each time, i guess the show does that too tho oop for starters fuck Neil, and also fuck Susan. If i was out on a family dinner and some man i knew for a couple months reprimanded my child for not calling him father, hed be the one being sent away from the dinner table not my child and it makes me so mad and sad that there are actually parents out there who are like that. Your gonna send MY daughter to the car for disrespecting you?? Great, im leaving with her. See you never.

Billy left the reasteraunt to talk to Max at the car and just, look. Let them bond over this awful man being awful. This to me read as Billy making an attempt to warn or maybe protect Max and its just left right here in that paragraph. It makes me so sad any possible understanding between the two starts and stops there. I know this is told from Max's point of view but its very obvious the author made up their mind on how one dimensional they think Billy is. Which is wild casue they kept pointing out signs of abuse in him, like prior to this car moment we have Max having this observation

Or this one

My guy is out right dissociating, hyper aware of his surroundings and unpredictable moods is a damn trauma response. From the words of my dear friend "you wrote a beautifully wrecked character, dont throw that thing out and teach everyone to do the same" also this aint canon but max thinks Billy is fun sometimes and that has me so soft.

And then this entire last scene in the book with billy is just, so fucking tone deaf. "he was damaged. Broken, maybe" yall i thought we were going somewhere with that but nope, im the fool for believing an abused traumatized character would get properly acknowledged but it was a big "hes just like his dad so he'll never be good and also hes worse then his dad, hes crazy" and im foaming at the mouth.

This author is such a billy anti, i think st4 took notes from her for how to represent Billy. I know its all told from Max, a 12 year old whos just sharing her feelings and observations but so much of this was just. Hhhhhh exhausting.

It wouldve been so easy to have Billy zone out and dissociate with the burning cat instead of forcing him to laugh and act insane (also if you think lighting a dead animal on fire is the making of a sociopath have you never been outside as a kid and found something dead and just, fucked with it. Its dead, i think lighting a dead animal on fire is probably the most tame tampering you could do. Not to call myself out but when i was maybe 8 i found a dead toad and i wanted to know what its skeleton looked like and how it decomposed so i took it apart. Kids are bizarre and teen boys are kinda destructive.

The whole scene with billy coming home halloween night and getting beat was upsetting and how it was never mentioned again was infuriating. Him getting attacked by Neil, punched several time getting a black eye and bloodied lip then beaten with a fucking belt. How do you just willingly write that shit then turn around and go "oh yeah nah this 17 year old who ive just said was verbally and physically abused multiple times is a dangerous monster who doesnt deserve sympathy". Im over it, if aang can put aside a century long fued to help his abused enemy who in turn still chased him off but was redeemed in the end then Billy and Max have the stepping stones to do the same, have max put an ice pack down, let billy Sort himself out, its so easily im going insane

And that bullyshit narrative of saying Neil is racist and how Billy probably is too. fuck that, i cant speak for the racism but when i made my first trans friend i was nervous about having them at the house cause i wasnt sure how my family would react or treat my friend so i opted to keep her away too, my situation was more tame then Max, Billy and Lucas' and my family turned out to not be transphobic so it was fine but im gonna self project that Billy was just manic and worried about Max hanging with a black kid and what Neil would do to lucas and max if he saw them. Seeing as how the man got away with denying Max dinner right infront of Susan who did nothing. But also max says how shes not like her parents so its just unfair to turn around and go neil is awful so billy is also awful and wont ever get better

This book isnt canon but i want a similar book from Billy's point of view. But also all things considered i did like the insight into Max's possibly past in cali, her relationship with her dad and mom was pretty neat, even tho, say it with me, its not canon, i refuse, I'll believe in bigfoot before believing this book was proof read by anyone working on the actual show 🥴 i have more to say but its 2 in the morning and i think my eyes are leaking outa my skull, hope this incoherent lmaoo

#But i guess its true to the show by showing him sad and broken then mean and nasty in the same breath #Idk the more hate i see thrown at billy the stronger i love him lol #This is just a bullshit ramble #Stranger things #billy hargrove #max mayfield #Runaway max

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chrysanthemumpink · 1 year

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It's crazy but I've been watching Sister Wives and I've learned so much. I can't even begin to describe how much this show has helped me leave him. I've only watched the last 2 seasons and thats all I needed.

So this guy has 4 wives, 17 kids, and is a polygamist. Thoughts on polygamy and polyamary wasn't what got me. Whay got me was that this guy is actually a terrible husband. One guy, terrible to all 4 women and it felt like watching my own relationship issues from 4 different perspectives. In the end, one wife leaves him and its hard for her. Another wife leaves and it was easy emotionally, but before then, she tried so hard...not b\c she wanted him but b/c she felt trapped by finances, money, and her children's relationship with their father. Another one tried to leave too but it fell through. She felt humiliated and tried to win him back. She got scared and went back to what she thought was familiar and safe. And she's been trying for years. The husband is too proud to officially divorce but he has treated her coldly ever since. It's kind of pathetic. She's begging this man to love her again for reasons I don't understand but cant deny that I've been there before. The man is too much of a coward to say no.

And I'll start with the coward part, that's the last thing I said to him. I wanted for months to end things but there were so many excuses why he couldn't see me. I had to just text him. To be honest, we've broken up through text about 4 times. Not uncommon for us, but he took 4 days to respond to anything. There was something about maybe we can be friends or maybe in the future when "we are both in a better place." And my knee jerk reaction was "what the fuck?!" There was genuine anger. I've had this sense of anger for a while now but couldnt put it into words. Its hard to describe being angry at someone who is trying to salvage something. But one of the wives said something.

"You don't love me. Why won't you let me go."

And oh my God. Yes. That's what bothered me and what kept this relationship flip and flop for 4 years. I do think that there was love somewhere but he was too afraid to figure out what happened to that love or even admit that it was gone. Like no?? There is no future or doors left open. So I told him that he was a coward. Too afraid of losing me but also too afraid to admit it isn't working.

I will admit he was hard seeing him date someone else. It was even harder when I realized she was 22 and still in college. He's 34 in February. And that was just strange. I didn't think he was someone that would do that. It really made me wonder who it was I was actually dating. We broke up and it's like the person I knew doesn't exist anymore. Maybe I'm just jealous of a younger woman but I'm 27. I remember being 22, and dating someone like him is not something that would have ended well. Heck, I was 22 when I met him but he was 28. The first time we kissed was the day before his 29th birthday. It wasn't weird but you'd think he'd move forward, not backwards or whatever this is. And i find myself actually worried about this girl.

Anyway, I will admit it was hard to stay away. We've broken up before. In app honesty, him dating someone new never stopped us from getting back together. It sounds awful but I'll never forget when we wernt dating but definitely more than friends. And he asked me to hang out with him and his girlfriend because she was new in town and wanted friends. We went to the park and she told me that you said i loved Disney. I dont love Disney, he just inteprets anything animated as "Disney." I explained that and we laughed, two weeks later he said he couldn't stand her and missed laying his head in my lap. I guess I did have a chance to see who he really was.

But everytime I watched Sister Wives I could see myself in them. I knew what I wanted to be and what I didn't want to be. It made me feel less lonely in a way. Like it's possible to get through this. And I could watch how they did it and felt better.

This has gone on for too long. But I moved. Our long distance was supposed to be temporary. When I moved, we were supposed to become stronger and things would be better. We were going to discuss getting more serious, like m word serious. But we didn't make it till then. And now I'm here and I'm so glad he's not a part of this. I got a new phone and there's no pictures of him, no messages, and no desire to even add his number again. Hes gone and I really didn't think I'd get here.

I think he's gone for good now. If anyone reads this and I get back with him, you're allowed to yell at me. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now. I can't even imagine what another relationship would look like for me. That's how disillusioned I am. But I'm also really relieved it's over and that I don't miss him like I used too.

#Leo x Pisces #leo x pisces #sister wives

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pupuseriazag · 1 year

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tw: venting about unlove:

Four months have passed after that "man" broke my heart. Treated my like he was interested, talkrd daily with him, he was there for me in some low moments (during which I would cry because I didnt felt enough for him or anybody), flirted and showed me signs he wanted me

Only for him to suddenly start being less and less caring with me, stopped giving me all those words and spent less time with me.

And I, in a stupid moment of weakness... Confessef my feelings for him

Wanna know something funny? He didnt reply in the moment. I talked to his friend and he listened to me talk how much I appreciated and loved him... How much I was willing to do for him. And he agreed we would've be nice together... That he was rooting for us and he was glad he had found someone so "nice" and "caring" as me.

He talked to him... 3 hours later he gives me the bad news... He is mad and sngry at his best friend for using my heart and not actually wanting to b with me... but still leading me on to believing we had a chance.

I was broken again, man. How. Many. Fucking. Times. Has. It. Been.

Time and time again I end up likr a fool.

And then he texted me. He was sorry for making me go thru that... After I had told him I was on the verge of stress for no one wanting to put the effort or wanting to fight for me.

He said that for weeks he did felt love for me... But realized he did not wanted to actually make the effort.

Thats when it happened. Thats when I got confirmation that no one would fight to be with me. Thats when I got confirmation that Im not enough for anybody... That theres something in me that people are easy to let me go.

Why am I not interestinf enough to keep them around? Why am I not pretty or handsome enough to keep someone? Why am I not... Anything actually special...

I was going everything alright... I've never hurt anybody and yet Im always the one hurt

My heart realized that night... That no one will ever truly love me like I love them...No matter how hard I search. No one will come to my life like I daydreamed when I was a little child. No one will work hard to be with me, no one will. No one will make sure I understand I am so....So very loved by them. No one will rver treat me right... And for some reason I dont deserve it.

But I know I do dederve it. I do deserve all those nicr things... But why does it never come? Why am I always thrown back to the ground amd forgotten?

I dont want to turn into the "I CAN love myself 😤😤" because I dont love myself. Being me has never made anybody feel like they want to fight for me... Not even myself.

And you knoe what I hate? I fucking despise the "Oh calm down! :) God will give you a nice MAN soon! Its all God's plan and God's timing is perfrct 😌"

I DONT WANT TO KEEP FUCKING WAITING. I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY STUPID LIFE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME DEEPLY AND NO ONE TO THIS DAY HAS EVER DONE SO. WHY DOES GOD WANT ME TO GO THRU THIS?! JUST SO I CAN """VALUE""" THE ACTUAL ""CORRECT"" PERSON?! I ALREADY FUCKING DO THAT WITH EVERYONE.

ITS FUCKING UNFAIR FOR ME TO ALWAYS HAVE BEEN EITHER A FUCKING EASY TO LET GO PERSON AND NEVER HAD ANYBODY SHOE ME THE ACTUAL LEVEL OF LOVE I NEED AND DESERVE I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT A LOT

I DONT DESERVE ALL OF THESE HEARTBREAKS

I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME

SO IF GOD HAS ANYTHING IN PLAN FOR ME IS PROBABLY JUST TO FUCKING LAUGH ST MY FACE FOR EVERYTIME I BELIEVE I FOUND THE CORRECT PERSON.

WHY CANT I HAVE LOVE NOW???? WHY CANT I FEEL LOVED NOW??? WHY DO I NEED TO KEEP WAITING AND FALLING AND FALLING IN NEW TRAPS SO CALLED LESSONS?!?!

ITS ALL BULLSHIT TO ME

I just... I dont want more people... I think I deserve love... But it always feels like god and the universe dont think I do...

So guess what? You won. Enjoy seeing how from time to time I cry again to sleep becquse of how unloved I feel. But I wont try it again. I wont open my heart to anybody in that way again.

Enjoy watching how I have to write fanfics and hyperfocus on those becquse I want to feel some type of love nesr me... And at least my mind is good and crrating those peope that do care for me

#moona rambling #Sorry I just...#Ya estoy hasta la vergs. Honestamente

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kusundei · 2 days

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god forbid i just woke up rn but. god. GODDD. god. im actually. still tweaking a little.

NO BECAUSE TODAY WAS SO. SOOOO. I feel crazy. i watched jt happen and goddd god he just always finds more ways to plant himself into my head. more ways to make me fold all the fucking time. more ways to ensure i will be actually infatuated by him and crazy im just soooo. SOOOO. UGHHH.

no cuz he literally. i. i was shaking so so MUCH TODAY he just makes me so nervous. it gets to the point esp in photography where i get nervous knowing im about to see him. THAT CLASS HAS ALWAGS MADE ME NERVOUS BUT NOW ITS JUST. godd. how i would do something. ialways want to do something. ANYTHING. i never really do unless he does it first cuz i am scared and afraid. i hate that ab myself i will. never take initative no matter how madly i want something i am too scared of fucking something ul that i never will do anything for myself. (jd how you would condemn me constantly. how you are a horrible tiny voice in my head reminding me i am not good enough always.) I just. UGH. i want to i always want to. THAT FIRST TIME when i grabbed his hand while walking past him and he literally like. idk how ti explain that but he like. grabbed me back. i. i am fucking WEAK. GOD IM ACTUALLY A WRECK HE JUSTMAKES ME INSANE??? god the way i stood up there smiling like an idiot while that guy talked i. am. i am sososo infatuated with you i cannot. my god and then sitting down. i kept pointing u out to the girl just like. god.

u r the one good actor there idk. heh. GOD. the way she asked me if we were a thing after you came pver the first time oh my GOD OH MT FUCKING GOD. the way you were looking at me. the way you kept smiling at me and when u sat down u laid your head on my leg im. immm. IMMMM. i was shaking. so fucking bad my face I WAS BLUSHING no thank god it was dark because when u ran off i just. put my head in my hand sfor a bit. perchance prompting the gjrl to ask. but god you. you make me. more crazy. fall in love with you more. i. cannot explain it. i just i WANTED TO i truly did god forbid you were standing sitting down there next to me and i just. wanted to touch you somehow. THE WAY I GOT A DUCKING PHOTO TOO im just i am sick i am SICKENNNEDDD i. cant stop thinking about it. i wanted to brush my hand through your hair or something. i. immm. IMMM. god. good. fucking. god. “i can tell from how you look at him” whaaat. WHAAAT. “you look at him and you were smiling the whole time i could tell you were in love with him or just really really gay” like thank you. i am. like. madly i cannot get him oht of my head hes the only thing i think about ever. the way she pointed out my constant giggling and blushing and how id point you out all the time. the way she said she thought we would be cute. yeabim fuckinf SICK

everytime you came back over there i wasnt really trying to ignore her but you just. take up all my attention. you always have all my attention i could stare at you forever but i feel weird jts just. youre so distracting. you are so cute. so. attractive??? you attract me. cloud my thoughts. GOD i wish i took some sort of photos of you today i had good chances but i didnt wanna be weird. but j do have that photo of you laying on me so i digress. im just so. UGH. no u r seriously the cutest thing ever i just. i. iiiii. i cant help it. YOU ARE SO CUTE WITHOUT TRYING TO BE everytime you looked at me i just wanted to freak out i love you. i love your face i love your voice . your mannerisms the way you carry yourself. how you interact with other people the way you laugh. hell even when youre tweaking youre so cute its distracting (sorry.) just i am seriously in love with YOU. everything about you. i genuinely adore you. i still cant believe its like reciprocated im so. baffled? im so used to pinning for someone. or someone pinning for me and i struggle to reciprocate. in a selfish manner that was ayden. pinning with no clear end goal. fun but alsohorrible. sickening. he also ruined me. jd as well. as much as i hate to admit when i first got into a relationship with her would i say i was in love wirh her? no not really. i actually was extremely detached from her it was just that. she was familiar. i knew she wouldnt go. thjs is my evil sam confession of tonight but genuinely i. had gotten wirh her in the most evil way. cuz i was off the rails on medication and delirious and i confessed to her (and 2 other people) on a whim to see what would happen. and j knew she would say yes because icwas fucking evil. do i deny and feelings fr her? no not at all. she became my everything. me being in a relationship with hercaused me to fall in love with her. hard. codependantly. thats why you baffle me. i havent felt this sort of way about anyone thjs quickly and in a long time. this is why i dare compare it to ayden and jd because. jd took time. but god i was inlovelovelove with her. ayden? i was also in love with him. i could compare it slightly closely to me right now ab you but i wasnt this crazy. also my attraction to him i realized qas maybe leaning more on a . physical side? and personality of course aiding his case but i digrees. jd i loved inside out for her. is she pretty? of course. but j never really considered it a factor to anything. bella? i didnt know her irl but i was also in lovelovelove with her and was infatuated but it was her personality that drew me in. its just i mention it sm because like. the way i feel about you is like jd (that sort of love where i loved her so much it made me sick. i wouldve done anything for her and i was in lovelovelove with her because she meant so much to me. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE) but i wasnt pbsessed with her. inever felt like how i did wirh ayden or bella with her. freaking out over snall things. with the other two, focusing on ayden more, i was like. infatuated. felt more like me fiending because i could imagine myself in a relationship with him and such. but it wasnt a lovelove thing. j wouldnt call it that . with you its so. different? i feel weird saying it because it truly does soort of feel like a selfcest thing but i like. i love you unconditionally. i am infatuated by you. i have never loved someone like this before in such a small amount of time let alone thjs strongly. and you just make jt sooo muchhh worse YOY ENABLE ME you make me crazy.

okay no more blabbing about jd and ayden (god.) tday i was just so. sooo. no because when i hadfirst gotten there and was following him around i felt like i was beinf judged. i mean of course like im not there normally but WILL. WIIIILLL. i was scared. also me following yoy into the black box the first time i started freakinf out in my own head becauseof qhat i kept saying before but godforbid i will never initiate anything. i just. iwanted to hold your hand. wanted to hug you. maybe. perchance. oh my GODD your smell its driving me jnsane now also just you in general im noticing mtself fall more in love with your appearance too yoyre jist so, ? CUTE?? i could stare at you forever you r so pretty. yourface i just. ugh. the way u smile the way u talk just everything i am seriously. in love with you. anyway your smell gets stronger everyday and god im trying to act like its not making me insane but it is. it is making me fiend more. YEARN. idk why i have such a weird thing with smell im lkke a dog. but god. GODD. im tweakijg out thinking ab it. when i was walking around stage following you. when i looked at you and you ran off. when you kept getting flustered? embarrassed? because i was looking at you? yeaah. i. IMACTYALLY IN LOVE WIRH YOU AOH MY GOD. i just no i cant. im trying not to mention that maybe i am also falling for youappearance wise cuz to me jts not super important and has never been but its aidinf in my insanity and sorry. heh. the suit. THE SUUUUITTT. i. yeah. makes me crazy. you r just sosoocute i want to stare at you without feeling judged i want to look at yoy forever. just adore you from afar. because i truly do. like ugh. UGHH. you stood so close to me all the time. in the blackbox god sitting there with jamario and will and . i forgother name. but they were all talking to me and ROSZA. i see you. im not blind. but god j felt like they all fuckinf knew. AND BEE. i see you from across the room. its just like oh my goddd. nk because you kept doing that thing to my knee and ugh AAYGHHH OH MY FHCKJNG GOD. i. i. you make me weak. i feel so dumb all the time you MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL I. GOD. when i grabbed you that time and put ur hands back believe me i wouldnt kept my hands there if i didnt get embarassed and u didnt say anythghinf. cuz oh my god GOD GDGOS. the way you kept freakinf out made me freak out mkre and more in my head i dont know how you do it. idk how you think i don’t reciprocate this and jm not crazy in love with you bcuz i am. im just so. SOOO. UGH. and when u moved to sit next to me and u rested ur head on my shoulder yeah that was my last straw. “youre crazy..” YEAH. YEAAAH. YEAAAAAAH. no i meant that you r crazy. and youre driving me insane. i want to do so many things with u i have so many ideas i am seriously in love with you but this feels like a situation. just a little. god forbid it im njst not the biggest fan of situations with no title to it. god jts entertaining though bht i like that confirmation. the title makes me more comfortable. more likely to do things. but i digress i do anything for you. happily im nusr. AUGH. i eish i stayed for cultural night but we had to go i wish in the car i held your hand or something nobody wouldve seen anyway im just. IM STJLL THINMING ABOUT IT i miss your smell. i miss your touch your hands r SO SOFT? IM? GAY???????????????? i literally i adore every inch of you i miss your voice i feel strange sleeping. god forbid i still dabble in those audios to sleep but they feel weird now. cuz i want to sleep to ur voice. like how j used to do with ayden (i hate you and j was crazy) jm just UGH. oh god today was justso. so sosososo lovely j wish it went on forever j wish i had been in drama (lying but not rlly) i wish i didnt have 10 thousand things to do this week and i wjsh i wasnt stressed and that i had my car and that jobi jjsf. goddd. GODDD. im. imm soooo. OK ILL STOP I THINK IGE MENTIONED EVERYRHING TODAY IM NUST SOSOSOS. SOOOO. SOOOOOO.

id put the lhoto i took in here but i feel bad. its for me only i suppose immjsr. so. in love. with you.

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sadteeney · 3 months

Text

Its been a week.

Tomorrow marks the 7th day when my whole world fell apart.

A part of me knew it.

And one would think that would make it hurt less.

It didnt.

I thought of writing this many times, but up until now I just couldn’t.

There were several times, mainly consisting of you,

When I thought this is going well,

Too well,

Its gonna explode.

It’s going to come to me like a twisted boomerang

And shake me to the core.

And it did.

And boy, oh boy, how did it hurt.

I recall that day as it happened today.

I dont think i’ll ever be able to forget.

The flashbacks are a part of my life now.

There are so many things that I want to write simultaneously, because I dont want them to be forgiven,

But most of all,

I can never forgive you for not saying a word.

You watched my whole world fall apart by a single ‘no’ and you just stood there.

When I told, yeah I know the energy shifted.

I knew you were hoping it was a yes.

Or at least, from what you’ve hinted, I thought you were pleased with me being there.

But you just stood there.

I dont know merely how you were the second you understood, because forgive me, i was in a shock myself, but

You didnt say a word.

You didnt even look.

And my heart shattered.

My heart shattered because in some twisted way you were the reason I lost it.

I was so completely mesmerized by you from the first moment I saw you.

Everytime you would smile, I’d brighten up.

Everytime you would as much as say a word to me, I’d be happy that day.

And lately, you’ve been talking to me.

And I felt as if finally the walls were broken,

And I could easily communicate with you.

Without overthinking everything I would say and you would say at the same time.

There were times when I spent hours just trying to say the right words, to spark a conversation.

Lately, I would talk to you without even thinking what I’m saying.

And I knew it was too good.

And I knew you never saw me that way too, thats what makes it even more pathetic.

But still, everyone came and even though there wasn’t much to say,

It showed us that they care.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye to you.

I dont know if greater powers exist,

But in that moment it felt like they were all against me,

And they were having a hell of a laugh,

With my situation.

How ironic, I didn’t get to say hello,

I didnt get to say goodbye,

To the one I wanted most.

Its crazy what you’ve done to me.

I’m a completely different person than what I was before I knew you existed.

I ll never speak out loud of the influence you had over me.

But I never wanted to impress anyone more.

And I tried every fucking thing.

Just when I thought we were in the right direction,

Here comes the universe laughing at my stupidity.

Although my whole being wishes different,

I know by now I’ll never get to see you again.

Even though I look for you everywhere,

I know I’ll never get to see you again.

This is the life I guess,

I’m stuck here in this agony,

Unable to stop it,

Unable to continue.

Understanding that, if you want something in life,

Just know, you ll never going to get it,

Even though if by some miracle you’ll get it,

It will never be when you want to,

Or after you’re done wanting it.

Detachment or whatever they call it,

But I dont want you to be it.

I dont want you to come back into my life when I dont want to.

I cant help it but laugh at the irony tho,

You came into my life in the most unexpected way,

And you left the same.

The only flashback that has been haunting me from that day,

Is you encouraging me,

Ensuring me that it would be a yes.

Hyping me up, only to fall harder and harder.

I dont think I’ll ever be able to explain these days.

I dont think I ever experienced any pain like this.

And stupid of me,

So so stupid of me,

That after everything i ve lost,

The thing I care the most about losing,

Is that it cost me you.

I dont think I ever realized that losing this meant losing you too,

Because I know I would’ve fought harder.

You know, I thought many times what would it be like for me to go back there,

A good reason,

Just to see what your reaction would be.

Because even though you proved it,

A thousand times,

That you dont care,

The tiny little moments that you did,

Are whats left in my brain.

I am stuck in this hell,

With nothing but the memories of you and that place,

It scarred me forever,

To the point im not even thinking of going back to the field.

The thought that I ll walk in a new office,

With all kinds of different people,

And not a single one can even come close to you,

I feel the aching in my soul and the sorrow in my heart.

I cried 7 hours that day.

And the next

And the next.

No one knew the real reason, no one ever will.

Even if i speak out loud, I ll get called a thousand words,

And I know i am a bad person for what i’ve become,

I know this is all karma,

But what can I do,

I am stuck here on hell,

Thinking of you,

Until the sweet relief of death,

Comes to find me.

Until then,

I ll see you in my dreams,

My forbidden

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