#but i haven't accepted myself enough to be happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cotzucen · 7 months

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Jjk guys and whats gets them going

cw: intercourse (p in v), fingering, brief mention of bondage, grinding, boners, head (male and female receiving and giving), sex in public spaces.

a/n: can you tell who were my favs in this?? (Toge has me on my knees and Geto has me in a chokehold 🙁). All characters are aged up; 18+.

Itadori Yuuji - Ass

Itadori Yuuji, who just simply, loves a nice ass. He likes to have a nice hold on yours at all times– ofcourse, he won't, he's not a creep who cops a feel out of nowhere, but trust me when I say in every situation, there's atleast one part of his brain thinking about your butt. It's an instinct. Beside, he's your boyfriend, you probably think about... something about him in a sexual matter all the time. Haha. He loves ass.

You cupped his jaw softly as he pushed you on the bed, hands on your thighs so you could find your place on his lap, hands now on the plush of your thighs.. roaming north. You couldn't help but smile, as he paid no mind to his hands.

"What is it?"

As he said this, they were crawling up your skirt, and he was sporting a face so innocent you'd be oblivious to what he was doing if you weren't the one feeling it, you couldn't help but laugh– did he even know?

His hands were still lifting your skirt up, stopping at your butt, palming it as he tilted his head at you, only making you laugh.

"You have– no shame–!"

He smiled, pressing his lips to your collarbone, peppering feather light kisses as he rejoiced in the sound of your laughter, even though he wasn't sure if you were laughing at him or not, either way, he was just happy to be here.

"What's there to be ashamed of– Shit."

You finally stopped laughing, due the the multiple hickeys left by Yuuji's sly lips, and as you squirmed, he pressed you further into his lap, feeling the reason he cursed out of nowhere.

"Maybe that."

"Then... do something about it."

He cursed alot more that night.

Fushiguro Megumi - Voice

Fushiguro Megumi who can't get over the things your voice does to him. Always hushed but loud enough to be understood clearly, a sultry undertone only he can decode– he's the only one thinking about you in that way anyways. Megumi who loves but equally hates how one sentence a tone too suggestive from you has his pants suddenly feeling too tight– He can't get enough. It doesn't even have to be dirty!– Just say anything that can be taken the wrong way and if you take the time to look down, the effect you have on him will be pretty obvious.

Megumi accepted you in his arms, gently acting like a brace for your charged run at him, you haven't seen him in too long to even try and hold back, you knew he could handle it.

His arms helped you hug him more than he was hugging you, but the feeling of his hand on your back, pushing you closer to him was enough to let a wide smile and a fit of content sighs slip past your lips. Sounds that made Megumi's cheeks flush ever so slightly.

"I've missed you so much.." You sighed softly against the space between his neck and ear, leaving a chaste kiss right there. "Megumi."

"Don't act so surprised now.. You knew what you were doing." He muttered, almost incomprehensibly as he fumbled to unbutton your shirt, the bulge of his boxers and the haze of his eyes only serving to soak your underwear even more.

"Not my fault you can't help yourself.." He slid your blouse off of you so quick that you barely remember having it on, his warm, slim hands on your waist, then your thighs, eyes roaming on you, and your lips.

"You're right. I can't help myself, but you can." His pretty eyelashes fluttered down at you, leaning closer so he could press your back firmly to the bed, pushing his bulge against you, lips falling to your neck, a bit rough with his biting– but, if it gets the job done..

He fucked you pretty good that night.

Inumaki Toge - Mouth

Inumaki Toge who just loves your mouth. Your lips, the tint, colour, texture– the way it moves. It's a bit of a dirty secret for him, eyes always trailing to your lips whenever he talks to you, not even because he wants to kiss you, just because it's just so natural for him. Not that he doesn't want to kiss you, but sometimes it's just more fun to stick his fingers in your mouth and watch you suck them. it's a dirty secret for a reason.

Toge loves your mouth. In a sexual way and.. okay it's all in a sexual way– he just loves your mouth. He likes spoon feeding you food and watch you swallow whatever was on it, or maybe just randomly curl his fingers in your mouth, always sporting a dirty smirk during and after.

It always turns something in him on, but as much as he loves the team your mouth and his active imagination make, nothing beats your mouth wrapped around his cock, like right now.

"Mmn– Ah–" He covered his mouth, not just to save the ears of anyone near, but one slip up and he might put you in a coma, for literally fucking your brains out.

You looked up at him as you sucked him off against his bedroom door, eyes fluttering up to meet his which only drove him even more crazy, legs almost giving in as his eyes stayed on you, hips jolting forward, deeper.

Your head bobbed at a steady rythym, hand pumping what you couldn't reach, dick wet with your spit, small veins sprawled around, veins that you felt all so well, deep in your throat.

His whines and groans and grunts replaced all the curses he wanted to yell but couldn't– biting his lip– how much more could he take? He was so... so close.

But as soon as you made the decision to suck on his tip? Oh, he came undone so quick, thick strings of cum spilling in your mouth, on your lips, some on your nose and dripping down your chin.

"You cummed more than usual, did I do a good job?" You asked, tilting your head with a small smirk.

You wiped the cum around your mouth with your thumb and licked it off, analyzing the taste as– Toge's dick brushed your lip, his tip staring at you, hard again.

"Already?" It was less of a question, more a genuine plee of worry and shock, as you looked up to a blushing Toge, shrugging as he took your chin, and pressed himself in your mouth once again.

He got overstimulated, the most horrible best head of his life.

Okkotsu Yuuta - Hands

Okkotsu Yuuta who loves your hands. Whether you're tending to his injuries, or just brushing crumbs off his face, your fingers on him always results in a furious blush. His mind spirals, feeling so dizzy the way his blood rushes to his dick, it makes him feel horrible each time you innocently tend to him, but he isn't feeling so bad when he jerks off, imagining your hands instead of his. Except this time.. he didn't have to imagine.

Oh he felt so wrong– but he didn't want you to stop, he really didn't want you to stop.

It all started with the cinema staff, selling you tickets to one of their least viewed movies– ofcourse they had their doubts, a relatively young couple going to watch an unpopular movie, they knew the gist. But back then you guys really were just going to see the movie– Yuuta has been rambling about it all week, if anyone, his intentions were pure.

But he couldn't say the same now, his jeans unziped, boxers pulled down, your hand pumping his dick as he suppressed his moans, hiding his red face.

There was barely any other people, and you both were in the far back, nobody would see you guys; was your attempt at convincing Yuuta to let you give him a handjob, it didn't take much.

He was slowly getting louder, your thumb on his slit, rubbing his pretty, pink and sensitive tip, precum still dripping down his length to your hand.

"Shh, Yuuta, you need to quiet down." You leaned into him, whispering those words in his ear as he grunted, choosing to take matters in your own hands as you covered his mouth, feeling his moan on your palm.

"Mmn.. Come on Yuuta, you want to cum don't you? Then be quiet, cum all you want but stay quiet for me, 'kay?"

You pumped him faster, finally feeling him jolt as you rushed to angle his dick, away from himself, staining the back of the seat infront of him.

"M–Ah.." His muffled sounds coaxed you to remove your hand from his mouth. "Ah.. How... are we gonna clean that up?"

"Said the janitor."

You guys cleaned it up, Yuuta felt too guilty.

Gojo Satoru - Clothing

Gojo Satoru who just loves anything you wear. That's it. He's a simple guy, wear a skimpy dress and oh no, it's suddenly on the floor. Though he loves the eye candy, he isn't very patient in bed... You know that lingerie set you bought? Yeah, it's in a the pile of ripped clothing, full of many pervious lingerie sets... There really isn't any limit to his horniness, Just exist and this man is all over you.

Partys were very hectic. Drinking, games, weed, people making out in random corners in houses of... People he equally doesn't know of. But what he does know, is having you grind up on him while wearing a dress that leaves so little to the imagination, makes him feel things that can't be describes as less than insanely horny. He intends to do something about it.

"Woah.. No way you're already that wet– You want me that bad?" He laughed, bending you over the kitchen table. Nobody was there, and if someone did come, Satoru genuinely woud not care, too focused on fucking you to give any more fucks.

Your underwear was soaked, Satoru slipping them down your legs, smiling as one rub of your clit had you flinching, quickly thrusting two fingers in as he unbuckled his pants, stretching your pussy wide so he could fit, your guttural moan fueling his own, hands on your ass, spreading you as he pressed his girth into you.

He grinded his dick into you, thrusting slowly, starting off with a steady pace, your wetness lubricating his dick, sliding in and out of you so easily– fingers flicking your clit continuously as he moved in you. Your moans and the creeking of the table udnerneeth tempting him to cum right then and there, but no– no, this was way to good to finish early.

You guys got caught, and kicked out. But atleast you both finished 🤷🏿‍♀️.

Geto Suguru - Words

Geto Suguru who loves it when you talk dirty. Text him how bad you need him and he's already behind you, spreading your legs. Talk about how much you've missed him while trailing your hands on his chest and those hands will be tied together as he fucks you mercilessly (maybe a bit mercifully, he loves you after all). Imply anything and he will find the underlined want, he reads people well, and you're his favourite book.

"Mm– Ah- Suguru–!" You cummed in his mouth for what felt like the hundreth (fifth) time since you sent that text. You knew he got turned on by it but immediately ringing on your doorbell after one "I need you" text? This man was.. Something else.

His mouth worked wonders on your clit; kissing and sucking softly, tongue traveling in you resulting in his thumb replacing where his lips once were. His mouth and your cunt slick with your juices; previous releases– oh and don't forget how he worked his fingers. One finger stretched you– now imagine two of them– you could only take so much.

One hand was pressing your thigh against the couch, keeping your legs open as his other hand had two of his girthy fingers deep in you, thumb rubbing circles on your clit as his lips kissed the surrounding area– notably your inner thighs, eyes focused on your face.

Did he know how hot he looked right now? Your cunt clenched around his fingers and he smirked, only making you react further, fingers curling just the way you liked it, you made it so easy for him.

"You like that?" And you squirmed, Suguru internally noting that as a yes as his fingers moved faster, hand spreading your legs further open.

"Gonna need you to keep your legs open for me." He gazed down at you leaving a couple hickies your thighs, your thighs instinctevely closing but his grip was stronger, observing eye never leaving you.

"Come on, nothing to say?" He chuckled. "That's not what I read earlier, you need me don't you? Need me in you or my fingers? Want me to fuck you senseless or.."

He kissed your thigh up further, fingers moving at such a fast pace– Oh god you can't take much more.

"Mn–Ah–! Suguru G'nna cum– 'M so close–!"

"Yeah?"

He smirked, stopping, making you beg for release, taking a moment to revel in your desperate plees, before giving in and letting your cum on his fingers, bringing them up to his lips, murmuring something about 'way better than curses'.

"Open up."

His cum sokaed fingers teased at your lips, dripping down to your chin as you obeyed. He paused just for a second to look at your opened mouth, letting his mind run before pressing his index and middle finger deep in your throat, making you gag slightly.

"Suck my fingers."

You obeyed again, Suguru briefly muttering a 'good girl', proceeding to lower his head again, now with three fingers at his disposal.

Three fingers wasn't enough to prepare you.

Nanami Kento - Actions

Nanami Kento that just finds everything you do, insanely attractive. Walk in a certain way and he suddenly feels hot, tilt your head a bit too much and two hickeys will magically find their ways to your neck. Exorcize a curse too well, and his back will suddenly be littered with marks. It's not like he's horny all the time– you just give him no choice, not when the moment you see that glint in his eyes you're suddenly all over him. He doesn't make the rules, but you definitely abide by them.

Kento may be called a stickler for the rules but that's simply what he is. For one, he isn't one to partake in public indecency.

Gojo might, God knows Kento holds him to no standards. But he does hold himself to many, and fucking in a parking lot isn't something that fits in those standards. Not like he cares right now anyways, he's pussy drunk.

His hands were on your ass, your nipple in his mouth, licking and teasing as you bounced on him, your body above him, hips raised ever so slightly to fuck you aswell, breathy grunts leaving his lips.

It's not his fault that during your weekly night drive you decide to tease him. Sure, holding his hand isn't technically teasing, but– Come on, you were rubbing his finger so suggestively– pulling his hands from your thigh closer to your core– you can't blame him.

The car was feeling all too warm, his seat moved back to accommodate the both of you, his hand under the crook of your knee, raising your leg so he could–

"Mn‐Ah! Kent-ngh–!" He slapped your ass. hips rutting up into you, so deep but not deep enough– lewd squelching sounds muffled by the sound sounds your moans, having to brace yourself by holding onto the car door, anything–

"Agh–" He cummed, velvety walls getting filled with his warm seed, cock still in you so nothing could spill out, mouth moving from your sentive nipples up your neck to your lips, soft and supple, your cunt clenching around him, fluids meshing together.

"This was a one time thing. Next time will be in bed."

The next time, was in fact, not in bed.

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dragonanon · 2 years

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It's hard for me to believe, but I weigh less now then I did when I was 19, and I'll be 23 next month. I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow and I'm really anxious to see where I'm at since I increased my daily calorie intake to 1,800 max at the advice of the nutritionist. But yeah I'm very proud of myself, since I started actively trying to lose weight almost 2 months ago, I've lost 26.8lbs. (A simdge over 12kg for those who use the metric system) And that was when I weighed myself last Monday, so for for all I know I could be down even MORE than that right now. It definitely hasn't been easy, but I'm determined to keep going till my current methods stop working, or I get to a place where I feel like I've lost enough weight. Whichever comes first.

#weight loss #i haven't felt this good about myself and my body in a long time #to be clear though i'm not doing this because i feel pressured to or to please others #i'm doing it because i want to for the sake of my health and self esteem #i've always been the stereotypical 'nerdy fat girl' and i'd come to accept that's how i'd always be #but what i've come to realize is just because you've come to accept something about yourself doesn't mean you aren't allowed to change it #or be unhappy about it #and the fact is even though i had accepted that i would likely always be fat and that it was okay to be fat #i still wasn't happy with myself when i was 363lbs #you're allowed to make changes to yourself if you're unhappy the way you are #don't stop yourself from making positive changes just because you feel like you can't because you already accepted it's the way things are #i don't know when the weight loss will be enough for me but i might consider stopping if i get under 300lbs #depends on how i feel and how quickly i'm losing weight

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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i think i can finally write again

#slowly finding myself again and i think i'm starting to remember again. all the dreams that i used to embrace #now that i've grown older and busier i lose sight of some things that used to mean so much to me #i still call myself a dreamer but what do i even dream of? pain? loneliness?#that also has its own beauty for sure but i've always been a person driven by love. love for everything #life and death. bright and dark. happy and sad. and everything else in between and beyond #and so i'll start to dream again of fantasies #and properly embrace the whole of myself...as i've always done #broken but still beautiful. full of despair and yet also hope.#words can't fully express who i am. yet as uncertain as i may be of so many things i know that i ultimately do love myself n all in my life #'break your chains shed your burdens—and show me your strength of will!' and so i shall!#bcs what of the many things i tell myself ill do? in time all shall be done. perhaps not all but i will make it that it wld be enough fr me #though i think there would never be such a thing as 'enough' but. i'll accept it. and forge on #one step at a time. and i shall endeavor to at least make sure that the outcome will make me smile #turn all my sorrow into strength. let the pain push me onwards instead of bring me down #it never ends. it always aches. everything overwhelms and hurts me #still the same things i've struggled with for years. yet no conclusive answers nor closure nor everlasting comfort #the burden never gets lighter but i can only grow stronger to carry it easier.#the weight's less overbearing when several people carry it right? ...that's something i need to accept more.#to accept that others can love me the same way too.#it's not fiction. it's not unrequited - i told others the same but i haven't really accepted it myself #i rmber the little girl who'd always have her head in books dreaming & wishing...! of what exactly even now i'm still not so sure #but i've opened my eyes once more to see the chains i never realized were bringing me down instead of pulling me forward #it's about time after all that i finally let my wings properly free once more to fly again #all the ends i dream of call me to be reborn. all these reflections have always been within my reach.#perhaps i'll never stop wondering and wandering. maybe i'll never reach what lies beyond the horizon yonder.#yet as ephemeral and fleeting and transient all this may be... i shall forge on always and evermore unto tomorrow #'for i speak only for myself. if you find comfort in my words they are yours for the taking but that is your choice'#yk what when i get back home tmrrw i'll replay or maybe just read/watch some ffxiv stuff again esp drk T_T #this wasn't exactly what i planned to write bcs i was thinking of like ykyk tumblr HAHA but <3 gn it's nearly 3 am >_<#tag later

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weed-cat · 2 years

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boys im not gonna lie, it really fucking hurts to know that my safety and happiness is no one’s priority 🙃

#i know it's my own fault i know i know i know it #i know that i'm a lost cause #i know that my crisis moments just come and come and come and come and never stop #i know that everyone is numb to my suffering at best and actively resentful of it at worst #but holy fuck #it hurts so so bad when no one cares when i cry or hurt myself or someone hurts me or i want to die again #i know its my fault. you have no idea how much i know it's my fault. you have no idea how much i think about that #i don't expect people to care. it's not fair to expect people to care. it's just me. i know i haven't earned it.#i'm trying so so hard i swear i am. but it's not enough. i know it's not enough. i know that i can't ever be enough.#there's no sense in wasting your emotional energy on comforting someone who will inevitably dysregulate again.#it's just logical that people tune out my pain. it makes me happy that the people i love don't waste their time on me.#i want them to take care of themselves. i want them to save their spare energy for someone who deserves it. i dont want to be selfish #but that doesn't mean that i dont feel so so so so so lonely #suffering alone is so painful. even if it's for the best #and i know that i'm not going to be able to deal with that pain forever. i know that i'm going to take myself out before long.#and like #it's okay.#i've accepted it.#i know that some day i'm going to feel too alone and overwhelmed to keep going and i'll just stop.#it's actually quite comforting to know that i can remove myself once it's too much to handle.#to know that i'm not going to have to live with this for longer than i can handle. it's genuinely humane when you think about it.#obviously i'd prefer if i just didn't have to hurt. or at least if i do have to hurt i'd prefer if i didn't have to feel so alone while i do #but i know that that's not an option. i have to hurt because i can't be fixed.#i have to hurt alone because i just can't let myself ruin anyone else.#but it's not forever. i just have to keep telling myself that. once the weight of existing as Me gets too heavy i can let myself rest.#i think i'd like to rest tonight but i wont. its very very heavy right now. it's crushing me.#but there are just a few too many people who are invested in my continued existence right now. it would be selfish to take it from them.#but they'll tire of me eventually. they always do. and once they don't care anymore i'll do it.#but for now it just hurts.#i just have to close my eyes hold my breath and let it bury me

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andieperrie18 · 5 months

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Watching her fall in love

A/n: DISCLAIMER, I just wanna clear out that I HATE Mikio, OR LOATHE him. The man died too quickly for my liking. But I am currently at an emotional but productive mode in my Mizu x Reader fanfic. I needed to vent some writing. I just needed to write somethings to hurt myself, so now I would like to share my pain. I kept this one vague but clear cause certain parts would likely be in the fanfic. So please bear with its corniness and i do hope you enjoy and share some thoughts at the comment section how to make Mikio's suffering a bit more satisfying

Pairing: Mizu x Reader

Series: Blue Eye Samurai

You know she deserves to be happy. There was no reason for her to continue her vengeance now that her mother was actually alive and now has been encouraging Mizu to leave your debt and settle down with the man her mother had found that will surely provide for her.

Not that Mizu was not cared for in your home, with a small dowry left by your deceased father and the a simple home on a piece of land from your husband who worked tirelessly to own for your future before circumstances decided to rob you of the life that you could’ve had with him let alone have a child of your own.

After coming to terms with things, you swear to never love any other man than your husband. But the tides of fate didn’t really like that.

You were on your way home when you found a wounded Mizu on your way. Lucky enough, your place was near when she came stumbling in your arms clutching her bleeding side. In your home, you treated her, fed her and provided her all the necessary things to hasten her recovery despite her constant attempts to deny any more further gestures.

Your persistence rivaled hers and she can’t really do anything than just accept it if she wants to continue her quest for revenge. But she days go by and she can finally function properly, the closer she has become to you. Of course you already knew that she was a woman, tending to her wounds did require you to have her lay bare before you while under unconsciousness. But her eyes, a part of her body that she has come to hate as it was the most visible defect of how she is immediately considered as a monster. You were no stranger to being cast aside so you know how to provide her the right words and comfort.

From that point on, she’s been your constant company either at your small plantation or someone to share food on the dining table. With her harsh childhood and upbringing, Mizu’s cold exterior was very hard but once you do reach her, she is as gentle as a spring water bathing you in in cold warmth under a harsh sun.

“You know that I’ll leave as soon as I reach recovery,” she said with a frown as she sat across from you from the entryway. The evening was young but the skies were burned by a millions suns from eons away and the full moon lingering among them. You looked at her as she did as well, there was a hint of sadness in her icy blue eyes.

“I know, and I will not force you to stay, if this path is what you need to find peace at the end of your road, then do so. Just know that when you’re ready to find your peace, my doors are open to your company,” you offered a smile, one that she did return. One that had you marveling at it all throughout the night.

You haven't come to terms with your feelings with Mizu for quite a while and believed that you really cared for platonically. She has found a great friendship with you and you to her.

As a ‘friend’, you were lucky enough to be there at the small ceremony. Mikio didn’t want anything to do with her and denied any act of consummating their union. But Mizu didn’t worry much as you have provided a great company. Cracks to your resolve showed when you had succeeded to provide Mizu an opportunity to create connection with her husband. You had encouraged her to try approaching the man and keep in mind how persistent he is with that one particular horse he has been taming for days in your observation. Soon, Mizu was having a small conversation with Mikio while you watched.

Watching Mizu’s rough demeanor crumble so easily in his presence was infuriating, an emotion you quick to shut out. Guilt tripping was made easier upon having small conversations with Mizu’s mother who Thanked you for being there for Mizu and helping her create a relationship with Mikio.

“Now that she’s out of your hair, you can finally find a husband as well, your still you my dear,” Mizu’s mother trails, but your attention was on the couple emerging from the green hills riding a horse along the orange horizon. Your eyes on Mizu, laughing, so free. An expression you never once got from her.

The final realization of your love for her was followed by a tsunami of heartbreak as you watched her capture her husbands lips in a kiss by a big tree that you came passing by. You watch her submit to his touch, lifting her legs off the ground and press tender kisses on her neck. You hid by a tree, back against it. You stare up the orange skies as you feel every thing inside you tear itself apart.

A/n: I Just needed to feel pain.

#mizu x reader #mizu x you #mizu blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai imagine #blue eye samurai x reader #angsty #angst

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justawritterwithideas · 1 year

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Boy Wonder and the Rockstar | s.r

✩ next part ✩

summary: Spencer and Y/N meet in college after a book search, creating a friendship where opposites attract. But Spencer has to move across the country to pursue his happiness and completely loses contact with Y/N. What if fate decides it's time to meet after 15 years and with a crazy stalker in between? Spencer won't lose to fate again and will do anything in his power to protect Y/N.

warnings: mentions of death, alcohol, drugs, strong vocabulary, as well as talk of heartbreak, disappointment and arguments. It also contains content regarding CM season 13, so it clearly contains spoilers. this is a spencer reid x famous!reader story.

this will be a small series of chapters so here are the general precautions of the series, each chapter will have its own precautions. !!!

words: 3,909 words.

a/n: hey! here alme with a little series i've been planning for a couple of weeks now. as you may know, i've been talking about the spencer reid x famous!reader relationship but as hayley williams, so i decided to set myself the challenge and write a little series called "boy wonder and the rockstar", so i hope you like it. i haven't planned how many chapters it will have yet but i don't want to make it too long, and also patience with each chapter. so, I don't want to make it longer and I'll leave you the first chapter. thank you. ♡

𝟎.𝟏: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐲.

Spencer always lived under the stigma of being a child genius. His I.Q. was 187, he could read 20,000 words per minute and had an eidetic memory.

Everyone around him told him what to do, from his mother, to his "friends," to his teachers, to his neighbors.

"Hey Spencer, with that brain of yours you could make it in the government" "Spencer you could be part of NASA" "Spencer you could be a mathematical genius like Einstein!" "Spencer you're going to get into the CIA!"

"And where are you going to go to college? Because you know Harvard is already a lock for you" "I bet you'll go to YALE, that's where all the smart ones go" "Princeton is an excellent choice for you!" "MIT could open a lot of doors for you"

Spencer this, Spencer that.

But no one really thought about what Spencer wanted. Maybe he wanted to be a magician and make children happy with his tricks. Maybe he wanted to be a trapeze artist, or a fireman, or an astronaut, or just an ice cream man.

All these expectations of Spencer reached a point where he didn't even know what he wanted in life. He lived under the shadow of the expectations and visions people had placed on him, and he didn't want to let them down. He was just a kid, a kid scared of adult life who had to impose himself because others imposed it on him.

That's how his brain made him skip grades, have to enter high school at age 12, and have to suffer a lot of abuse from the grown-ups for just being a boy genius.

Spencer sometimes wished he could make his brain disappear and have a normal one. Then he could have normal friends, go to a normal school, have a relationship, experience the problems people his age have, and be able to feel the phases of adolescence like any other kid.

But things were not like that.

He had to live the life he had been dealt, with his genius brain and the damn adult problems at 13.

CalTech was a new life he had to accept, but it wasn't as bad as the one he had before. His mind was kept busy for a long period.

He was forced to grow up around books full of equations, chemical elements and mathematical problems, managing at 16 to get his first college degree, which was Mathematics, and the following year to get a PhD in it. But he did not dislike this.

But as they say it is never enough, he kept on studying until he was 21. Thanks to this, he became a doctor of two more degrees, Chemistry and Engineering, in addition to Psychology, Sociology and Criminology.

His social life at the university was not so hectic, in fact, he only stood out for the fact that he was a boy genius, and that was it. To other people, he was a person like any other.

Until one autumn day, in the middle of his 19 years and studying psychology, his paths were interrupted by crossing that of others, and that, probably, is the person who changed his life the last years of college.

It was an ordinary day in the university library. Spencer had been rereading an encyclopedia of human anatomy for two hours. Why you may wonder, well, it was his way of killing time during his free time.

Acquiring knowledge was the best way to keep his brain fed and occupied, according to the boy.

He had eaten his sandwich a couple of minutes ago and let his brain feed on information at that moment, trying to persuade his intrusive thoughts at that minute. Through the pages you could see the muscular system, focusing on the leg and foot areas.

To be honest, it looked quite interesting.

That day, leaves were beginning to fall from the trees, filling the ground with their autumn colors; there was a gentle cool breeze, a strong smell of wet dirt and people were crowded in the warmer areas of the campus. It was no surprise to anyone that the library was one of the most crowded areas, the vast majority of people were gathered around the tables as large college texts lay open on them.

Spencer was sure he had seen more than one student curse at the fact that they couldn't find what they were looking for, and then walk out of the room in exhaustion. It wasn't the first time someone had cursed his name because they found themselves reading the text they were looking for and, besides, they weren't able to approach and ask for it.

He could believe it was cowardly on their part, maybe they were too shy to be able to do it or it was an excuse to put off studying what they were looking for. Even though he considered that the The study methods they had were not very good and, if they started studying earlier, they could increase their grad-

"Excuse me."

A voice interrupted the conversation Spencer was having with himself, pushing away his intrusive thoughts that were beginning to take over his mind. The young man's head turned and he saw a girl, perhaps his age, staring at the encyclopedia in front of him.

"I asked Miss Wellington about the Rouviére and Delmas encyclopedia of human anatomy, and well..." The girl looked over Spencer's shoulder. "She told me that maybe the boy sitting at the back table had it. There are no other tables in the back and you're the only guy sitting here, so I think my deduction is correct and you have it."

"Y-yes, this is the encyclopedia you're looking for." Spencer admitted, looking at the young woman.

More than looking at her, he was admiring her. She was wearing a red skirt and hoodie with some embroidered words on it, her legs were also wearing dark leggings and some rather damaged black converses, over it she was carrying another coat and a backpack; her arms were loaded with medical and anatomy books, plus her hair was disheveled.

"Great! Must be my lucky day that a cute guy has it." Her books fell onto the table and she sat down next to Spencer.

The boy could smell the scent of tobacco and mint mixed with the scent of cherry perfume.

"May I see?" Spencer turned to look at her and, even though he was reading that book first, his head nodded. "Fine! I just want to see..." The sound of the leaves was rapid, as if a fan was moving them. "This... Nervous system."

Suddenly, and as if by magic, a notebook appeared in front of them both and quickly the girl was beginning to write on the blank sheets, even though to Spencer it looked more like a scribble than a resume as such.

"Shit, what is this?" the girl paused to read more closely. "In the central axon, the electrical signal is converted into a chemical signal, and then releases the chemical signal with chemical messengers called neur-neurotransmitters." The sound of the pencil falling on the table made the boy startle.

"Nervous system?"

"That's right, I have a lecture in three days and I'm still trying to associate concepts in the nervous system. Like my nervous system isn't nervous anymore."

Spencer chuckled to himself, the girl had a funny sense of humor.

"In fact, when the brain interprets that we are in danger, it produces a rush of adrenaline that activates the heart and muscles to place them on alert, but if prolonged, it can lead to health problems such as cardiovascular disease like heart attack and is associated with hypertension and arrhythmias and is the enhancer of other cardiovascular risk factors." Spencer turned to look at the girl, who looked quite interested in what he was saying, jotting everything down in her notebook. "But it's not that your nervous system is 'nervous', it's that it interprets that it's in danger and so it sends that kind of stimulus to your body that makes you anxious."

"I see you know about the nervous system, much more than I do." The girl scanned him from head to toe. "Are you a medical student?"

"No, CalTech doesn't have a medical degree, but I am a doctor." The boy admitted.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"Shit, and you already have a doctorate?"

"Actually I have three."

Silence stretched between the two, caused by the woman's shock.

"Are you some kind of alien or is your brain too big that it stores more information than I can retain?"

"Well, I have an IQ of 187 so I can read 20,000 words per minute, plus I have eidetic memory. But I prefer the concept of being more advanced than others."

The girl stared at him.

But to his surprise, the young woman only let out a giggle.

"You're funny, I like it." No one had ever told Spencer that he was funny. In fact, he thought that adjective didn't directly relate to him. "I'm Y/N, Y/N L/N."

"Spencer...Spencer Reid." Y/N denied.

"No, you're not Spencer."

"Excuse me?"

"You're Dr. Spencer Reid." Spencer smiled, she was right. "Well, it's nice to meet you, dr. Reid."

"Nice to meet you, Miss L/N." They both smiled.

"Well, now that I know your name, dr. Reid, we can start our friendship."

Spencer never thought making friends was so easy, even though he knew it was because the girl had gone to the trouble of calling herself his "friend," without even knowing him.

But that didn't bother him, in fact, he found it nice that someone had decided to be his friend.

Overnight, Spencer's evenings began to become more colorful, smelling of tobacco and mint, and filled with questions from Y/N, his new friend.

Although, at first, Spencer didn't seem comfortable around the girl, he quickly got used to it. He had learned several things about Y/N over the days, such as that she was a medical student at Pasadena City College, a college a couple of blocks from CalTech; she was the youngest in the family and had an older brother who had been diagnosed with leukemia a couple of years ago.

He had also learned that she was very into fashion, lived in an apartment complex nearby, smoked a couple of years ago, and only liked menthol tobacco cigarettes. Her favorite color was orange, but she didn't think it looked good on her, and she didn't see herself going to medical school, but she wanted to be a singer.

The first time Spencer heard Y/N sing was during a kermes in Pasadena City, she had been invited to sing on behalf of the medical school. Spencer never liked the idea of being around so many people, let alone at a kermes which was as unsanitary as possible, but his new "best friend" had begged him to go.

He couldn't say no.

He remembered perfectly how her hands shook with nerves, how she bit her lip as she cleared her throat and watched her bandmates, aka Y/N's other friends, rehearse with their instruments.

He knew she had practiced for this moment a bunch of times, had more than once arrived at Spencer's dorm wet from head to toe from running in the rain after a rehearsal, and hummed the songs under her breath every time they studied together in the library.

She was more than ready, but her own fears sometimes made her afraid of her talent.

Reid's eyes were on her, smiling confidently to convey that feeling as a guitar began to play the first chords, and announced the start of her performance.

Spencer didn't know what song it was, he wasn't even sure if the song was to his taste, but when he heard Y/N's voice he knew it had become his favorite song.

“Her name is Noelle

I have a dream about her, she rings my bell

I got gym class in half an hour

And, oh, how she rocks

In Keds and tube socks

But she doesn't know who I am

And she doesn't give a damn about me”

Their gaze was on each other, as if they were the only ones in that large space. The few times the eye contact was broken was when Y/N closed her eyes.

The song ended successfully and an avalanche of applause greeted Y/N, who thanked the audience for their attention. Soon another band filled the stage and for a few seconds, Spencer lost sight of Y/N. He wanted to tell her how great she had turned out, how all her effort and practice had made everything come out perfectly and that she looked like a total rockstar on stage.

"Spence! How was it, did you like it?" Y/N hugged the boy's arm, who turned to look at her with a sweet smile on his face.

"It was amazing, Y/N. Everyone loved it." Affirmed the boy.

"I was so nervous, I was so afraid it wouldn't go well, but I saw you there, and I felt like I could do it. You're my lucky charm, Spencie."

Spencer felt something jump in his chest.

"Let's get something to eat, I'm dying for some corn-dogs." Said the opposite.

"Y-yeah, let's get something to eat, my treat."

The day Spencer was accepted into the FBI academy was probably the most bittersweet day of his entire life.

At 22 years old, and in the middle of finishing his college semester for what felt like the fifth time, a letter arrived in his dorm room.

A letter of acceptance.

He could feel that all his hard work had been rewarded by whoever was up there. He quickly put on his sneakers and ran a marathon to the medical building at Pasadena City College.

His best friend's short red hair he could quickly visualize as he saw her smoking by the entrance, she seemed to be listening to something on her MP4 and bobbing her head to the beat of-who-knows-what song.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Spencer's voice sounded agitated, trying to get her best friend's attention.

The, now, redhead removed her earpiece and turned to see the tall boy running towards her.

"Spence?" From her mouth came the tobacco smoke, causing her to let the cigarette burn between her fingers.

"I made it, I got into the academy!"

The two big hazel eyes made contact with those of the girl, who dropped the cigarette to the sidewalk and hugged her friend tightly.

"I can't believe it, Spence! You did it! You did it! My goodness, I couldn't be prouder!" The younger girl began to do some jumping jacks as she didn't let go of her grip on his embrace.

"Thank you, Y/N. I couldn't have done it without you, you were the one who stuck with me through this whole process."

"You don't have to thank me, dorkie. I knew you'd make it, they couldn't leave out a genius like you." Soon they both disengaged from the embrace and the girl looked at the boy's face. "W-where is the academy? Tell me."

"I don't know, I-I didn't fully read the letter." He admitted embarrassed.

"Then read it! Go on." The girl took him by the arm and forced him to sit down on the faculty stairs.

Slowly, Spencer began to read the letter while Y/N listened intently to every word.

"The course begins on September 23rd of the current year in..." A pause.

Y/N looked at Spencer, who had stopped reading the letter.

"Where, Spence, what does it say?"

"The course begins September 23rd of the current year in Quantico, Virginia."

Y/N felt like a bucket of cold water had just been dropped on her.

Quantico? That was on the other side of the country!

"Q-quantico? Spence, that's on the other side of the-"

"Country, I know Y/N. I-I... I can't do it, I can't."

"What the fuck are you talking about!" The girl stood up startled, looking accusingly at her best friend. "No, I refuse. You have to do it, it's your dream, Spence! What you've always wanted for the last three years that I've known you, I refuse to let you back down now, I won't allow it!"

Spencer looked up from the letter, watching Y/N who was looking at him with her face burning with anger.

"You know I can't do that, what's going to happen to my mom? You know what's going on with her and her schizophrenia, I can't leave her alone."

"She would want you to go, Spence. Her happiness is where yours is, you know she'll be able to do it, there are plenty of options to help her." A long silence settled between the two of them.

Spencer didn't want to leave California, he didn't want to leave his mother or Y/N, he couldn't.

"Spencer Reid, I know what you're thinking right now, but I won't let you let this opportunity pass you by. You have dreamed of this exact moment for years, for as long as I have known you you have always wanted to go to the academy and you have done everything in your power to do so. Now they are offering it to you on a silver platter, you have to do it, there is nothing more you can do here in California. You've already studied all the existing careers in the world, you've already done what anyone in 50 years would have done and at your short 22 years you're already a doctor of three careers." The girl settled back down beside him, letting her icy hand wrap around Spencer's warm one. "You can't just limit yourself to staying here just because you have an engagement, the world has to know who Dr. Spencer Reid is like I know him, you have to go."

Spencer drew an elongated smile, feeling his body fill with that feeling of sadness that pervaded him from head to toe.

The redhead's words were true, it was his dream. But he didn't want to leave the only thing that made him happy on the other side of the country, he would love to carry it in his pocket to Virginia and have his dose of serotonin after each day.

He didn't want to stop smelling her tobacco and minty breath, the cherry smell coming off her clothes and the blueberry smell coming off her hair. He wanted to keep seeing the reddish locks of hair on his clothes and the cheesy paper notes in his pockets every time they met. He wanted to keep listening to the music on Y/N's MP4 every time he went to her apartment and drink coffee with lots of sugar that she made for him, keep hearing her voice in the shower and get biology questions at three in the morning every time she had a test.

He wanted to go to thrift stores to try on printed T-shirts and watch Y/N's camera fill up with pictures of the two of them, keep going to her shows with her band and eat frozen pizza after every gig.

He wanted to keep being with her.

But if she was letting him go, then he had to let her go too.

"I think I can go on living without hearing your bad jokes." Spencer's words lifted Y/N's spirits, who gave him a playful smile.

"Hey! My jokes are the best, last time you laughed for two hours."

"Because it was stupid."

They both laughed, letting the tension of the moment go with the last echo of their laughter.

"So you'll go across the country to make me proud?"

"Yes, I'll go make you proud."

Y/N's arms wrapped around Spencer's body, resting her head in the space of his shoulder and chin.

"I'm glad you didn't make a dumb decision."

Staying here with you isn't a dumb decision, Spencer thought.

They both pulled apart.

"Well, screw the skeleton. Let's go to the library and write your answer."

The girl's small hand imprisoned the boy's large hand, guiding him to the library to write what would be Spencer's fate.

The flight from California to Washington was five hours.

Five hours where Spencer and Y/N would be separated, and they would have to accept that fate had something different in store for the two of them.

Despite California being a sunny paradise, that day he wanted to keep the two friends company as they said goodbye at the airport.

"You already know my number, you know you can call me whenever you want." Commented the girl, who was in charge of carrying the book she had given him to read during the trip.

"I'm not such a fan of technology, you know that."

"There are pay phones over there too, Spence. It only costs a couple of cents to call me, plus they must have landlines there, and you have my email." The girl stopped in front of the door that separated goodbyes with new beginnings. "And if not, you can send me a letter. You know my address."

"A letter doesn't sound bad at all, in fact, for centuries, it was one of the most widely used means of communication by human civilizations since man began to write and whose importance transcended nations. The oldest courier service ever found was in Egypt in 2400 B.C. and in 1840, Sir Rowland Hill created the first postage stamp, which was called Penny Black, which was a profile drawing of Queen Victoria of England that had the rate 'One Penny' written on it."

"Oh Spence, I'm going to miss your fun facts about absurdly boring things." Commented the girl before she could hug him.

Spencer felt his heart clench.

"I'll miss you listening to me." They both turned in an embrace so tight it could take all the oxygen out of their bodies.

Neither wanted to be the first to say goodbye, neither was ready to leave the other. Their hearts were bound together like puzzle pieces, and just as when you lose one, the puzzle will no longer be complete.

"Now, you must go, your flight is about to leave." Y/N commented, separating from the young man as she wiped away the small tear that escaped from her eyes. "Miss me a lot, huh? And show off how pretty your best friend is."

"Always. Remember that wherever you are, whatever you do or whoever you're with, you'll always be in my heart."

A pout settled in Y/N's mouth, who felt like she was letting a part of her go with Spencer.

"Don't forget about me, because I will never forget about you." Demanded the girl, who was pushing the boy to go for his flight.

"It's impossible for me to forget you, I have an eidetic memory." He said laughing, waving goodbye as he received the book the girl handed him.

The two met in a final embrace, where Spencer could smell the girl's cherry and menthol tobacco scent for the last time.

"Write me!" Y/N vociferated, waving goodbye to the boy who nodded and disappeared behind the airport doors.

Y/N and Spencer didn't know that at that moment fate would place them on trial, causing their paths to diverge for many years until, magically, they would come together again.

“When two souls are meant to meet, fate brings worlds closer, erases distances, joins paths and defies the impossible.” Anonymous.

If you like it, don't forget to like and repost it.

a lot of love, alme. ❀

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #spencerreid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x famous!reader #criminal minds fanfiction #it's my first series #almeseries

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fallingdownhell · 6 months

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haii may i request the sumeru men with a people pleaser so?

Love this! As a people pleaser myself, I know how hard this can be. Still, hope I did a decent job with this.

Characters Included: Tighnari; Cyno; Kaveh; Alhaitham; Wanderer

Content: gender neutral reader; established relationship; some comfort and fluff

Word count: 2k words

Have fun with this<3

Tighnari

he understands you want to help people

he really does... but when it comes at the cost of your own health and well being, that's where he draws a line

Tighnari watches you as you go around doing anything people ask of you, always a smile on your lips

but he sees behind that smile, sees the tired expression you so desperately try to hide

He knows you want to make people happy.. but there's got to be a line. Sometimes, one has to prioritize themselves

But when you remain unwilling to stand up for yourself, he steps in to take over for you. Enough is enough!

When he sees you taking on the work of someone else yet again, he decides to step in

He takes you away from the situation, making up some excuse about needing your help with something before he drags you to his hut by your hand

You protest against him at first, but when he didn't budge at all, you knew to just accept your fate. After all, Tighnari can be quite stubborn if he wants to be..

As you arrive, he instructs you to sit down on the bed, which you oblige to while he goes and makes you a quick snack, since he noticed you haven't really eaten anything all day. You had even skipped his top tier breakfast..

He literally watches you like a hawk, making sure that you eat at least half of the food he made before he tells you to lie down and relax

You try and protest again, but he's firm in his resolve

With a sigh, you comply. And as soon as your head hits the pillow, you notice just how exhausted and drained you truly feel..

Tighnari looks at you with an expression akin to "I knew it". He lied down next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he just held you like this..

"You don't always have to make everyone around you happy. You need to think about yourself and your own well being from time to time as well. You need breaks, just like everyone else needs them. Rest for now, my flower. I'll watch over you.."

Cyno

Cyno's an interesting case...

He wouldn't notice that behaviour in you at all at first. And once he does, he admires it first and foremost..

People were always afraid of him... they were when he was younger still.. and they are now, thanks to his status as General Mahamatra..

He finds it fascinating that people come to you to ask for your help constantly.. he can't even imagine what that would be like for him.. there would definitely be some underlying jealousy from him at the start

But.. overtime.. as the people ask more and more of you and you growing more and more stressed and tired trying to do all of them justice, did he finally see the downside to that kind of life..

Especially when it's affecting such a kindhearted soul like you, who can never turn anyone down for anything

after reaching that point, he starts to keep an eye out for you, making sure that you're not overworking yourself too much. But he wouldn't step in just yet, believing that you'd know your limits yourself

So, he just watches, as people come running to you again and again, asking you to fulfill simple tasks for them that they could have easily done themselves

it's not until much later does he realize that these people are only exploiting you and your kindness. To be fair, he only knows the extreme examples of such behaviour, so he didn't immediately recognise it with such "small" acts

but as time goes on, as he sees just how tired and exhausted you get, he starts to get worried himself

he's constantly asking himself why you wouldn't just turn those people down. He really doesn't understand it

But what he does understand is that you need a break. Urgently.

so without waiting any further, he goes into action. Cyno knows your usual schedule like the back of his hand so he knows that he has some time on hand

he goes to the market and buys all the ingredients for your favourite meal, which he promptly cooks you for dinner. After you've come home and eaten the food, he insists you take a nice, relaxing bath

after that, he gives you a nice and long massage, relaxing all your muscles perfectly. And once that is over, he cuddles you for the rest of the night until you both fall asleep

He's seen how hard you were working these last few days, so he wants you to know that he appreciates you and that he wants to help you unwind from time to time

"I've seen how these people treat you... you and the kindness you show them. Remember that it's okay to say No to them every now and then. You don't and can't always be responsible for everyone. You need to look out for yourself more. But for now, relax, my Lotus. Relax and let me take care of you for tonight."

Alhaitham

At some point, you became the unofficial librarian of the house of Daena

Not because you wanted to or applied for the job.. you just spent a lot of time in the library so you know where most of the books are. And people come to you when they need help with literally anything, because you never refuse to help anyone

At first you were happy to be able to help out a few struggling students, glad you were able to guide them in the right direction

But soon, word spread around and people came flooding you every tile they spotted you within the house of Daena

What was once a nice interaction and an exchange of information soon became an overwhelming amount of people bombarding you with questions

And even though it became too much for you very quickly, you didn't have the heart, not the opportunity, to turn them down

Much to the displeasure of someone else, as well

Though your boyfriend loved the House of Daena and to spend time with you here, he didn't appreciate people flooding you like that, taking time away he would usually spend with you and just being generally very loud

And since he knew you would never turn anyone down, he had to do it for you. He did not care what people thought or said about him, his reputation already being not the best. But what's it to him?

And today especially.. people were just so damn pushy and demanding towards you. It didn't sit right with him..

He watched you for a bit as two students were heavily debating something with you, raising their voices slightly. He noticed you growing uncomfortable in the situation yet still not saying anything

Deciding that he had to step in at this point, he walked over to you and simply took your hand, pulling you along with him without uttering a word

The two students were yelling after you, but he didn't pay them any mind. You weren't protesting at all, simply following him along, because you already knew why he did that

After he turned a quiet corner within the Academiya, he turned around and pulled you into his arms, engulfing you in a comforting hug

"I told you so many times.. you need to learn how to turn people down. They'll walk all over you otherwise. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm just concerned about you. ...How are you? Feeling better?"

Kaveh

Oh boy...

this is quite the difficult situation, because Kaveh is such a big people pleaser himself

You two are constantly looking out for the other, reminding them to take breaks and to take things easy

you are both great at giving actual good, helpful advise. But when it comes to following them yourselves.. both you and Kaveh need to hone that skill much more

you constantly keep an eye out for him, as he does for you. Kaveh knows the telltale signs when you get exhausted and he always tries to gently remove you from the situation to get you to lie down when he sees them... which works for the most part

but he's often away on trips for his work, so he's not constantly around you to keep you safe from your own self destructive behaviour

when that happens and he returns from a trip a few days later, he finds you utterly exhausted and tired, about to collapse while standing up

he quite literally forces you to sit down or lie down while he makes you some simple food, mostly soups and such

and every time, you promise each other to look out better and to take better care of yourselves... only for that promise to be broken a few days later, letting the cycle begin anew.

Kaveh knows that things can't keep on going like this, something has to change. Something has to change, right now!

So he sits you down for an honest talk where he plays with open cards, sharing all his doubts and worries with you

It's an emotional talk, many tears from both you and him flow, but in the end, you both agree that you can't keep going like this, unless you want to destroy yourself completely

it will take a lot of time and effort, but you're sure that you can do this. You can do anything with Kaveh and his support by your side to help you back on your feet when the world tries to push you down again

"I know how hard it is.. you want to he helpful, you feel like that's the only way you can accomplish something in this world. But overworking yourself is not the right way to do this. Listen to me and listen to yourself. You are also important. So please, start treating yourself that way."

Wanderer

Hates it. Absolutely hates it

But not for the reason you might think

well... At first, at least

you see.... his issue in the beginning is how much time it takes away from your shared time together

every time you're out with him, even just for a walk, people come up to you, either engaging in conversation or asking favours of you

at the start, he only scoffs and shoots nasty looks at those people, but he does not interrupt, since he doesn't want to come of as rude to possible friends of yours

but he's still annoyed beyond anything that your attention is taken away from him

after he gets over the inital feelings of annoyance and anger, he begins to notice a pattern every time people approach you with a request in mind

he begins to notice your little hesitance before accepting the request, notices how your shoulders slump just slightly after they walk away without even giving you proper thanks

so, he decides to observe further... and boy, does he not like what he sees

because the longer he watches this unfold, the more rage he feels building up inside him

why were those pesky humans always coming to you for such trivial things? And why aren't you turning them down? In fact, he hasn't seen you turn down a single person so far..

of course, as he keeps on observing you, he notices you growing more and more tired the longer this keeps going

until one day, he just has enough

it happened when you two were out for a nice stroll in the evening and someone was approaching you yet again

something in him just snapped when he saw that familiar expression in their face

he quite rudely and loudly just stated a firm "NO!", taking your hand in his and just pulling you along with him

you did not protest against this, partly because you were surprised and a bit shocked by his strong reaction

he took you out of the city, to an open field where he sat down with you, watching the stars up in the sky

he kept quiet for a long while, and you also kept quiet, not knowing how to best tackle this situation

but as it turns out, you didn't have to do that at all

"Idiot... going around and letting yourself get expoited like that. What would you do if I weren't here to look out for you, huh? Just... be more careful. You don't always have to agree to anything, you can just say No to them. It's not that hard... But if you can't do that.. let me know. I'll do it for you."

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monkey-network · 14 days

Text

Good Stuff: Bluey's The Sign

Bluey is still great and I don't need to go into why again. What's most important is that even in such short time of knowing this cartoon, you can see the growth of it all. Joe and the crew share how the world of the Heeler family gets to learn, adapt, and grow without rapidly warping the status quo. You go through and see how everyone is able to work through rough and weird times with sincere maturity. Season 3's Finale is where this all comes to a head and it's as beautiful as I expected, MORESO.

Brandi got to be happy would've been enough for me

The Sign deals with the idea of hard ideas. Those hard ideas that aren't inherently about change, but issues that when faced with initially, it feels like a bad ending. A bad ending which can't be easily fixed and you don't know where to go from there, and it hurts. It hurts when hard ideas swoop in, ruins your mood, festers your mind, and leaves you aimless. Bluey shows that it happens, this is the rare time where a ton of crap hits the fan in one day and it's not something Chili or Bandit or any adult can fix right away. I've never experienced this, but I felt the pain Bluey, Bingo, Frisky, and Chili went through where they're bargaining, burying, and avoiding confronting a potential reality they didn't want. This is where the real hero of the special comes in...

Haven't said before, but Calypso is a masterful teacher

The parable of the farmer works as an incredible seedling thought for Bluey when she reveals her moving. It's not a story I ever heard, but known the message all too well. The message of not just accepting bad things that happen to you, but know that it'll never be the end of the world because of them. Don't think of it as deep, but a natural motif to grow with. This is where a debacle regarding the episode churns with me. It can seem like a cop-out that every character gets what they wanted by the end, as I said before the cartoon can be more idealistic than what our real life allows. Then again, the true beauty of Bluey I believe has always been if it's possible, the family will find a way and do it responsibly.

If happiness can be achieved, they'll know how to get it

Beyond all this, the special is great. They waste no minute here in art and storytelling, and as said before, it's like Smash Bros Ultimate where everything is here. There are great callbacks to episodes you probably wouldn't have thought about, on top of getting to see the whole Heeler family on Chili and Bandit's sides like that blew my mind. Plus I love seeing weddings, dude, like I wish I was there with them. The feels are tsunami-ous like it's unfair to say this is the all-time best episode of the show, but darn if it wouldn't be earned.

When else will I see the epicness of riding shotgun?

But to conclude, it's been said that after this the Ludo crew will take a indefinite hiatus from Bluey the series, especially when they have a new project underway. And honestly? I'm more than satisfied. The show could've ended here and I would've been somewhat at peace with them giving us this beautiful episode. I of course didn't get into this series since its beginning, but I came around the right time to enjoy it myself, to see others recognize its greatness, and to finally make it here. It's great to know this was only another chapter in the book, and I'll see to be around when it gets to come back. As for The Sign? What else is there to say?

It was Beautiful. Cheers to the crew for everything.

#Bluey #bluey cartoon #bluey the sign #the sign #cartoons #reviews #Good Stuff #long post

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liveontelevision · 2 months

Text

Who Wants Pancakes?

@alcoris-shiz requested some Radioapple stuff and i hope this is okay 😬 I haven't written for any ships yet, so this is my first shot at that 🎉

18+ Smut-ish, Mentions of Blood

♡♡♡

Lucifer didn't think the proximity would become a problem, I mean, he purposely made his office as far from that damned radio demon as possible and it still wasn't enough of a buffer to keep him off his ass. Still, other than having an occasional argument or just hearing some insulting mutters in passing, it wasn't all bad. The hotel was finally picking up and getting some residents, and he did make a promise to lend a hand where possible.

Something Charlie suggested early on was weekly hotel staff breakfasts. It was a fond memory, though a distant one, to have a hot plate of pancakes with her parents, so she was quick to suggest Lucifer start making them one day of the week for everyone to enjoy. Unfortunately, that does include Alastor. He agreed with delight, willing to do anything for his dearest daughter even with the slightest hesitance.

After a few weeks, it actually became something Lucifer looked forward to. Sure, he had to deal with the more extreme personalities of some of the staff, but it's been quite a while since he cooked and he was glad to get the chance to enjoy it with Charlie, again. Alastor had actually never joined this routine, which he had to admit, sent a stir of emotions to Lucifer's head.

Was he too pompous to even accept pancakes? What could that damned fool be doing that was so important, he couldn't sit down for a mere hour? Should he consider trying different recipes? He knows Alastor is a cannibal, but there had to be some exceptions.. But why should he care?

He often embarrassed himself by entertaining the idea of trying to satisfy him in any way.

"Who's ready for pancakes?" Lucifer pushes the kitchen door open with his back, his arms stacked with plates upon plates of freshly made pancakes as he sang out the phrase with a smile. An audible hum emerged from each of the staff members seated at the table, the scent filling the room. He skillfully slid the plates free of his arms and lined them up on the table before snapping his fingers and allowing each plate to portal in front of the hungry demons. He actually spent these past few weeks learning about who likes what; Angel loved having whipped cream decorating his plate, Husk was a fan of honey baked into his, and Niffty's always looked like an icecream sundae with the amount of toppings she'd want. A classic syrup drizzled plate appeared at the head of the table, a seat fit for a king. So, when Lucifer wiped his hands clean of any baking reminents that might have been stuck on, he was struck with disbelief to a devilish smile meeting him, seated at the head of the table. At his seat.

"Well! What a pleasant surprise! I'm so glad to see you could finally join us!" Lucifer's chipper demeanor wavered as he spoke through his clenched teeth. Alastor slowly slid Lucifer's plate across the table to be in front of the seat next to his, a chair that was always left open, in the hopes that a certain demon would join. Well, here he is.

"Good morning! I've found myself with a bit of free time this morning, so I thought i'd kindly grace you all with my presence. I'm sure you've all been missing me this past few weeks, I do apologize for any worry i may have caused." Alastor smiles brightly, completely ignoring the fuming angel who sat down hard in the only available chair. Charlie was quick to reassure Alastor, simply stating that she's glad to see him and how she's just happy to see him join breakfast. But Lucifer was clearly not entertained by that answer, since it's simply just not true. Lucifer let's out a crood fake laugh before picking up his knife with a white knuckled fist.

"What, am I to simply watch everyone enjoy their breakfast? Am I to pick through the trash for my food? How crude!" Alastor puts on a woe-is-me fit, raising his arm to fain over his head in a fainting motion. Charlie loudly cleared her throat to gain her father's attention, then nudged her eyes in Alastor's direction before holding her hands together in a pleading motion. How can he say no to those puppy dog eyes? He can't, unfortunately. With a dramatic dropping of his utensils, Lucifer huffed his way into the kitchen, tying his already dirtied apron back around his waist.

Mumbling some angry profanities about a certain deer demon, he listened to the muffled conversations and laughs that went on right beyond the door. As he began to mix the batter, he heard the door swing open.

"I appreciate your work, Your Highness, but I am especially particular about my food. I'm sure you wouldn't mind me watching your methods, hmm?" Without any answer, the radio demon took a seat at the island across the counter, crossing his slender legs and propping his head up with his hands. Lucifer let out a quiet, "Oh Brother -" before quickening his pace with the whisk. "Now now! Don't let that frightful scrowl ruin my pancakes. I keep hearing of their excellence and I expect just that." He tuned in, his smile only becoming increasingly petty.

This went on the entire time. Lucifer made his pancakes with a scowl, his eye twitching at every little note or critique that came out in Alastor's staticky tone. Afterward, he was finally able to join his daughter for breakfast. Even if his plate had gotten cold, and everyone was essentially done with their own food, he made it a point smile and acted as if he didn't waste his morning on this red-headed prick. Lucifer began to clean up the table, with some help, but he surely didn't mind when Charlie had to take everyone to the lobby for an exercise that was supposed to start sooner than earlier. The worst part? The plate made fresh for Alastor sat perfectly untouched.

"Oh, come on! That fucking piece of ... " Lucifer grumbled, essentially cleaning up everything but that plate, simply too angered to look at it. He brought the dishes to the kitchen, plopping them into the sink. He set his ring to the side as he washed the dishes, humming a tune to calm his previous rage. Menial tasks always did help with that. A static song overwhelmed Lucifer's humming, snapping him out of his little trance and making him whip his head around, to see an all too close radio demon, holding his untouched pancakes in front of him. Lucifer groaned and rolled his eyes before returning to the dishes.

"Oh wow. So! Are you here to help me clean or make fun of how I do the dishes? Either way, I don't need it. Do me a favor and fuck off." Losing his cool for a moment, his final statement come out as a gravelly growl. Alastor let out a despicable cackle, placing the plate down next to the sink, having to lean over Lucifer to do so. Lucifer scoffed when he felt his back lightly brush the other's Torso, attempting to keep a blush from running across his face.

"Why no, good sir! I don't intend to help one bit, not to worry. I simply enjoy seeing a powerful king, such as yourself, acting as a meeger housewife." His voice was far too close to Lucifer's ear, a chill running up his spine as he felt his hot breath against the side of his cheek. In his best attempts to keep his cool, he stood rigged for a moment before continuing to scrub a plate that was already spotless.

"Don't forget your place, good sir - " he spoke in a mocking tone," - I could kill you with a snap of my fingers." He spat out, his face still not visible to the demon towering over him.

"Oh, I don't doubt it! Well, I won't interrupt you again, I am here to simply enjoy the view, as I said before." As he stepped away to sit back into a bar stool, a hushed static ran over Lucifer's body. His eye twitched as he continued to clean his dishes, hoping that ignorance would make him lose interest and find something better to do. It didn't

Alastor's eyes boar into his back the entire time. After a hasty clean-up, Lucifer was quick to set aside his apron and dust off his vest and sleeves to get the hell out of the room. The white noise of static was becoming unbearable. After letting out a sigh of relief, Lucifer blindly went to pick up his wedding band, his hand reaching out and meeting nothing but empty counter space. He began to panic, looking around frantically, patting down his pockets, even reaching into the sink.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck - " In the nervous state, he took no time to look back to Alastor, if he did, he'd be greeted with his smile growing impossibly wider.

"Missing something, your highness?" Alastor said with an innocent tone, batting his eyelashes at the king. Lucifer whipped his head around and slammed his fists on the counter in front of him, cracking the marble.

"What the fuck did you do?" His devil features were quick to sprout, starting with his tail that stuck straight up like a cat in distress, the tip just barely flicking. Alastor could feel the heat of the small flame that sparked at Lucifer's crown, sitting right between his lengthy horns that tore through his flesh. His eyes squinted with a terrifying red glow, completely enraged at Alastor's unphased expression.

"Oh, dear! Could you possibly be looking for this?" Alastor wiggled his hand in front of Lucifer's face, flaunting his own wedding band sitting pretty on his red claws. Lucifer wasted no time to reach out and grab it, but of course, Alastor easily got away by standing from his seat.

They danced around the kitchen for a moment, Alastor cackling at every near miss, which only pissed the king off more. His power was used poorly, making him run out of stamina much quicker than he would prefer, but still long enough to tire out the radio demon just as much. They stood a few feet away from eachother, panting heavily. Letting out a final growl, Lucifer flooded the room with his large wings and lunged out in one final attempt. Alastor, not exactly planning out his next move, popped the ring into his mouth in one smooth motion. Lucifer stumbled and stopped mid lunge, the sheer confusion hitting him more than anything.

"What in the unholy hell - What did you do?! Why??" The situation became comical for a moment, his rage dying down as he tried to wrap his head around the bold move.

"You want your ring back, Sweatheart? Come and get it." He spoke awkwardly, attempting to get his words out before opening his mouth and showing off the wedding band that sat right on the center of his tongue.

Lucifer immediately flushed red, his wings curling around his body before tucking behind his back again. This wasn't what Alastor originally had in plan, but seeing his reaction was just as well. He placed his hands on his hips and bent forward to meet Lucifer's eyes and present him with a much better view of his opened mouth.

They stood there for a moment silently. Alastor shut his eyes and hummed for a moment, closing his mouth and slipping the ring on the tip of tongue before sticking it out to present to Lucifer. It took him far too long to make the decision, but Lucifer took a painful grip onto his shoulders and smashed his open mouth against Alastor's presented tongue. He was far too startled too grasp the situation in time, allowing Lucifer to skilfully wrap his forked tongue around Alastor's prying the ring off and into his own mouth. He pulled away, their tongues still connected with a line of saliva for a moment.

Lucifer placed his hand below his mouth and gently spat out his ring, sliding it carefully on his finger still covered in their mixed spit. He never broke eye contact with the dazed deer demon. Lucifer smirked, crossing his arms across his puffed out chest with pride, as if he won something. He let out a satisfied hum before his eyes followed Alastor's body moving towards him. Standing nearly toe to toe, Lucifer had to crain his neck to see Alastor's glowing eyes.

"Do it, again." His voice was low and gravely, a loud static screeching for a moment causing Lucifer to hiss and cover his ears. Taking the oppurtunity, Alastor took a strong hold onto Lucifer's jaw, pulling him upwards until he was struggling to keep his feet on the ground. He held onto his wrist, an angry glint in his eye, yet silent.

"Did you not hear me, Your Highness? Do. It. Again." He couldn't prevent his face from heating up at the demand, slightly gasping for breath. Mustering his strength, he rolled his eyes and sent a wicked grin to Alastor, his face still held in his hands.

"Sure~"

Lucifer took in a fistful of the demon's red hair and yanked it towards his face, making their lips crash together in a heated attempt to take control of the situation. Alastor lost his grip, allowing Lucifer to firmly plant his feet back on the ground. He kept a tight grip on his hair, keeping the towering demon at his level by bending him over uncomfortably at the hip. He continued to wrestle his forked tongue around Alastor's mouth, no matter how hard he tried to keep up with the king, he couldnt help but melt into the moment. And he feel absolute shame because of it.

After what seemed like meer seconds, Lucifer pulled his hair back, causing his neck to uncomfortably crane backwards. He fell to his knees, the only way to break the discomfort of his current stature. He panted heavily, his arms dropped to his side in a beautiful display of obedience. Lucifer's irises glew a shade of blood red at the sight in front of him. He leaned down just slightly to meet his eyes, finally having the upperhand, "I'll do it again, Sure. But - you have to admit that I won." He grinned almost innocently, making Alastor's limp expression immediately turn into a snarl.

"Go on, then. Admit defeat. You lost."

He'd never admit it, but Alastor found himself in an absolutely helpless situation. He was overpowered.

"Sire, you can't possibly be serious, I would hardly call this a game, don't -" before he could attempt to charm his way out of it, Lucifer readjusted the grasp on his hair to lift his head up by his ears. He yelped.

"Ahha! That's a fun noise! Go ahead and do it again, Darling. I'll give you what you want~" Lucifer kept a tight hold on the other demons ears, feeling them twitch in his fist. He leaned down slightly just hovering over his lips, before yanking his ears forward to connect them with his. The sudden motion made another quiet yelp come from Alastor's lips, but it was muffled between their heavy breaths combined.

He reached upwards, grabbing Lucifer's vest and pulling him down until his knees hit the floor painfully. The sudden jolt caused Lucifer's teeth to graze the inside of his cheek, a small amount of blood mixing in between their lips. Alastor tasted it almost immediately, grabbing Lucifer's sides and pulling him into his torso, sloppily trying to lap up any of the angelic blood that spilled from his mouth.

Lucifer pulled away, pushing on Alastor's chest to keep a distance. As they caught their breath, Alastor licked his lips clean of the golden blood that he managed to obtain. He let out a low growl, before picking up Lucifer by his waist and tossing him hastily onto the counter. Pulling him right to the edge, their bodies completely pressed together, he locked their lips again. Lucifer lost his powerful composure for a moment, gripping Alastor's back and letting out a pathetic whimper into the kiss.

Alastor responded by biting Lucifer's lip, allowing more of his sweet blood to spill into his mouth. He slipped his hands between the two of them, slicing the threads of each button that held his vest and shirt together with ease. Pulling his shirt to the side before he could even realize his top was undone, Alastor pulled away from his lips and let out a heavy breath at the nape of his neck before anchoring his pointed teeth at the softest part of his skin.

Lucifer let out a careful moan, quick to cover his mouth lazily to hold back any other noises. His hand was quickly ripped away from his lips, Alastor guiding it back to the top of his head. He quickly took a grasp of his hair again, desperate for anything to anchor himself to reality.

After leaving a lovely trail of bloody bruises and bites across his entire chest, tainting the procelain white skin, he stepped back to look at his work. Lucifer was a panting mess, hair stuck to his forehead and eyes dazed. His shirts had fallen off his shoulders and he was still attempting to catch his breath. Alastor recovered much quicker, wiping the trail of glowing blood that flowed down Lucifer's chin with his thumb and licking it clean himself.

"Well, I suppose I'll admit to defeat and leave you to your duties, your highness." He swipes some invisible dust from his coat before holding his hands behind his back and heading towards the door.

"Ah, and might I say, you make quite the meal!" He said chipperly, leaving a stunned Lucifer still seated on the countertop as the radio static that once flooded his senses slowly ceased.

♡♡♡

Also just saying, I took some inspo from a radioapple drawing I saw on IG and i cannot for the life of me find it again so I'll include it if anyone finds it :,)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin hotel smut #lucifer hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer magne #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer morningstar #alastor smut #hazbin alastor #alastor and lucifer #lucifer and alastor #lucifer x alastor #help me i'm dying #radioapple #hazbin fanfic #hazbin fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfiction

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bubblebbg · 11 months

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (𝐚𝐫𝐞).

Upon popular request, part 2 of this post.

Miguel O'Hara x reader

It's just like old times, the two of you finding respite on the rooftop and away from the party. Miguel is glad to have you back, if not only for a moment. Unbeknownst to him, you're ready to return to how it was permanently, to do away with the obstacles of the present. Miguel is just as eager to accept you and turn back time together.

As things are starting to fall into place, he can't help but think about how all of this suits you. The warmth of your hand as you lead him up the fire escape and to the roof, the breeze in your hair, the way your laugh travels in the air. God, he's missed this, the way you smile, the light in your eyes, you and him. It's enough to nearly send him into a daze, that is until you sit on the roof's edge, beckoning him to sit with you. "You know," you say, and the familiarity of the way you speak has his full attention, "I'm sorry. I guess I didn't really think how much this all affected you. I've only really been thinking about myself."

You look at him apologetically, a timid smile on your face. He's not sure if he's supposed to have let go of your hand by now, but he doesn't want to. So he keeps your fingers interlaced, speaking softly in that tone reserved for you and only you. "That's not true. You've made time for me whenever you could, even if it hasn't been as much time as before. I didn't think you'd walk out without seeing your boyfriend."

You sigh, "I didn't think I would either."

He pauses, watching your expressions as you turn your gaze to the city again. Anyone else might think the slight shine in your eyes is the gleam of streetlights, but he knows you. Knows you like the back of his hand, and knows you're biting back tears. Miguel whispers, his hand leaving yours to tentatively wrap around your waist, "What do you mean?"

You take a moment, eyes searching windows and cars in the distance as if they might provide the answers, the words to say.

"It's funny, how things suddenly become clearer to you. This necklace," your hand goes to trace the silver gift around your neck, "The flower? I mentioned it once, almost a year ago, and you remembered it. And that made me so happy. So I thought -"

You breathe deeply, the tears breaking the surface despite your battle to keep them in. Miguel's hand instantly comes to wipe them, concern evident in his features. You let him, head resting on his shoulder.

"I thought to myself, when was the last time anyone else made me this happy? Or remembered anything? My boyfriend," you chuckle through the tears, amused and disgusted at your choice in partner, "He doesn't remember shit. I've been telling him about this birthday party for the last month and he still didn't take the time off. I bet you right now that the gift he has is something he picked up last minute that I don't even like. He's pathetic. I haven't been happy with him this entire time. And it's all clear now. I'm so, so stupid."

"Hey," Miguel soothes, "Don't say that."

"Miguel, don't lie. I'm stupid and you know it."

"Ok, maybe you're a little stupid," he teases, earning him a jab to the ribs as you both laugh. He smiles, rubbing your side while you lean into him, sniffling and giggling. "I don't think you're stupid for wanting to be loved though. It's human."

"I'm just stupid for not realizing it was supposed to be you."

His eyes widen in shock, sputtering and looking to your face with his cheeks turned red. "I-I.. you - huh?"

You laugh at that, eyes turned to your phone as you get a text notification. You show him your phone, and his already racing heart beats faster. It's filled with replies from your now ex-boyfriend, angry and scolding you for dumping him. "I broke up with him. Texted him with one hand and held yours in the other."

Miguel's smile widens, eyes meeting yours, "While we were going up the stairs?"

"Yep."

"You're ridiculous."

"You love it."

You're leaning into him, face only inches from his. He reacts in a moment's notice, eyes flickering from yours to your lips before meeting you halfway, a hand coming to cup your cheek. Your lips are softer than he imagined - and he'd never admit it, but he imagined them many times - and that warmth you exude fills his body. He all but melts into you, a weight lifting from his shoulders that he wasn't aware he had. Slowly, you part, lips still close as he mutters, "I do."

The way you look at him, riddled with the telltale signs of post-kiss afterglow (rosy cheeks, lidded eyes, glossy lips and all), it has Miguel nearly at the altar already. He's not sure how it's possible, but you've managed to make his devotion to you even deeper than before. His best friend, the person he'd gladly die on hills for, who he's watched from up close and afar: you. He's not sure when friendship become something more, but now the tenderness of your confessions sit in your hands, alive and beating.

Carefully standing up on the roof's ledge, you hold out your hand and he knows immediately what to do. He falls in place next to you just like in the past, guiding you as you step along the cement, his firm hold assuring you that you're safe. You won't fall, not with Miguel there to catch you. The two of you walk like this in a comfortable silence, savoring the sweetness of what's happened, the certainty of each other's touch.

Suddenly, there's a commotion on the fire escape. Your heads snap to look at each other and you both know what's happening; you're angry ex-boyfriend is ascending the stairs, no doubt in pursuit of some argument, maybe to ignorantly throw a few punches at Miguel and call you names (a horrendous mistake, but he's dumb enough to try). Miguel rolls his eyes. "I'll handle him," he says, turning to help you off the ledge. You don't budge.

"Don't. I've got a better idea." You pull him up onto the ledge.

"Oh," he smirks, "Are you sure? Last time we did this you nearly pissed yourself."

It's your turn to roll your eyes. "Shut up, I've changed. Come on, let's go."

"Hold on, I want that bastard to see something."

Miguel wraps his arm tight around your waist, pulling you into his chest. As your ex makes it to the top, eyes furious and jaw dropped in disbelief, Miguel kisses you again. You can feel his smirk against your lips, can hear your ex screaming. But none of that matters right now and you really couldn't care less, not when you're wrapping your arms around Miguel's neck, not when you feel safe like this.

Miguel leans back and you're both falling from the top of twenty five stories, a hasty descent for the ground as he holds you close. His chest swells with pride as the two of you watch your ex leaning over the edge in disbelief at the apparent leap of death you two have taken. The wind blowing against you, Miguel shoots out his red webs, swinging away from the building with one arm. You laugh heartily, and maybe you really have changed, your face fearless and joyful as he weaves through the cityscape with you. Different, but still you. Still his.

#across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o'hara angst #spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #fluff #beyond the spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman: across the spiderverse #miles morales #hobie brown #gwen stacy #spiderman #spider society #spider

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loveswrites · 11 months

Text

Is love enough? Poly Joe x Love x reader

Poly! Joe Goldberg x reader x Love Quinn

Time it took me: 5 hours spread out a few days

Word count: 1058

I asked you guys on a poll if you guys would like a poly xreader with Joe and love and you guys definitely did! So Let me know how you guys like it! The closer I got to the end I was thinking about making this one into a mini series! As I could do a lot more with this one! Tell me if you'd like a part two!

When you finish reading tell me. Do you think love is enough?

Love <3

"Depression makes you do crazy shit Joe!"

"That doesn't make sense, Love! just accept the fact that you killed her for no reason but the fact that you can't control yourself!" Joe yelled at love with wide eyes.

"I can't control myself? I can't control myself?! You were the one obsessing over yet another woman! What did you expect me to do?! We have a family!" Love yelled back at Joe with tears in her eyes. But they weren't tears of sadness.

"Babes? What's with all the yelling what's going-... on.." You questioned coming down the stairs but paused seeing exactly what the yelling was all about.

"What happened?.." You whispered. On the ground all you saw was blood and the body of some blonde.

"What are you doing here!?" Love and Joe yelled in unison.

"You told me to come pick up Henry so you could finish on some things- What happened!" You yelled, snapping out of your explanation of your presence.

"I- I she fell-" Love attempted to say but you quickly cut her off.

"Into an Ax!?" You yelled.

"It was an accident!" Love tried defending herself.

"What the fuck! What the actual fuck? I- Where is Henry?!" You yelled out looking around the dark basement for the child you came to pick up.

"He's over there he is fine!" Love gestured to Henry who was literally a baby in a corner.

You watched as Joe paced the floors as you could only assume he was thinking about what to do about this.. situation that lies in front of you three.. and a half.

You Joe and Love were in a relationship together. It was a loving happy relationship you felt secure in some aspects of it. Besides that fact that you never knew if the police would show up at your front door and arrest you was all. It was one of the things that made the loving happy relationship feel a little less secure. Also with love's impulsive behavior and Joe's constant need to have a new fixation every other month put a damper on the relationship at times. But none of that stopped you from loving them both. And them loving you.

"You said no more. No more killing. No more death. A fresh start and a New beginning. And Joe you no more.. obsession plus the killing also." You whispered shifting your eyes between you two lovers.

"How can neither of you keep your promise?"

"I haven't killed anybody!" Joe yelled.

"But you stalk! And you creep! And you lie and cheat on both me and Love! Why?! Why are we not enough for you? I keep your secrets, I'm there when you're scared! When you're scared that you might do another bad thing! And you Love I'm there for you every sleepless night when Joe is gone! We were all supposed to be happy here! But since we're all killing and lying, I'm going to tell the truth I hate it here! I hate the suburbs I'm a fucking city girl I don't belong here yet I am trying to adapt for you for you both because I love you! You both ripped me apart from a city that I loved so much to lie in a house with two people that I thought loved me more than I loved that city just to feel like some neglected piece of trash! I hope to God Henry never feels like this- Oh wait he probably already does since he's facing a corner chilling in a room with a dead body!" You screamed with so much pent up aggression you snatched up the baby carrier that held Henry.

"Pleas-" Joe started but you cut him off without turning to face them.

"Don't call me, don't text me. Fix your mess then maybe me and Henry will come back." You said causing panic to rush through both of their veins.

"Maybe?!" Love yelled her eyes widening.

"What do you mean maybe?! I love you, there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make you stay!" Joe yelled.

"Shut up." You said, shaking your head as you walked up the stairs leaving the bakery.

When you've been in a relationship with basically two insane people you learn when their threats mean you harm or not. In that case Joe threatened you out of fear. Not anger. He was never angry at you much. He got mad at Love more than he would you. Him and Love fought more than you, him and love ever did combined. Which you couldn’t lie was understandable because seeing that their habits could land us all in jail. You’ve never killed anybody but that still doesn’t make you a good person.

You’ve lied for them. Threaten people for them. Even though Joe and Love do their best to keep their dirty habits away from home, it’s inevitable that one of those habits will come knocking on your front door. You’ve helped with the..bodies. So no matter how sick it makes you or how bad you feel about it you are and will forever be an accomplice to their crimes for no other reason than the fact love makes you do crazy things.

When you got to your car you went to buckle Henry into his car seat. He was crying. You almost missed that.. How could you miss a screaming baby? As you tried to zone yourself out of your deep thoughts about your two loves you tried calming the only love that mattered right now. You found it hard to do this as tears rolled down your own face. Who was going to calm you down with their love? As you shhh henry to calm down rocking him in your arms on the side corner of the bakery you started to think what if this was all?

What if this was it?

What if all your life now consisted of was lying, hiding, running, crying, screaming, fighting, shovels, dirt and muddy midnights. But at least you had your two lovers by your side, That’s all that matters right? Could the love between three people be enough to grow into a happy family?

Getting into the driver's seat you started the car. And as you drove away from the bakery you couldn’t help but think, is love enough?

#x reader #reader insert #loveswrites #you netflix #You xreader #poly love and joe #joe goldberg x reader #joe goldberg #love quinn x reader #love quinn #Love x Joe x reader #lovexjoexreader #Poly you #YOU

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that-wizard-oki · 8 months

Text

15 years later and we haven't once looked back... ✨

Happy 15th Birthday Wizard101! It has been QUITE the path for many of us, myself in particular, these past 15 years, so I wanted to do something meaningful. Here's two illustrations that depict the progression of time for our player character withing the span of the last decade and a half. Was pretty happy with how they turned out!

More info on the symbolism if any are interested:

For the 'younger' piece, we of course have the Wizard dressed in the original beginner gear. I went with colors that were neutral to any of the schools. The envelope laying on the ground is a call back to the advertisement letter/envelope/flyer that was sent out before the game's launch, which was printed in the manner of an 'acceptance letter' to Ravenwood. The wizard also holds on to a small Cherry Tree sapling, which is just beginning to bud. The Wizard looks eagerly ahead to begin their journey.

In the 'older' piece, we see that the sapling has grown into a full sized cherry tree. The tree itself is a reference to the Classic ver. of Wizard City, in which a cherry tree sapling can be found next to the Library in the Commons. In the updated version of Wizard City, this cherry tree then becomes fully grown.

Furthermore, there are small references to each of the major Arc's that the Wizard has endured. The First Arc is represented by the Skull, referencing Malistaire & his Undead Army. The Second Arc is represented by the Spider/Spider Web, which looms over the Wizard's shoulder. An obvious reference to Morganthe & the Shadow Web. The Third Arc is represented by the Raven perched in a tree. Again, an obvious reference to Mellori, Grandmother Raven, and the whole feud between her, Spider and his children. The Fourth Arc is represented by the ruined tablet/marker- based off a very old housing item that had 'kthulu' imagery on it, though I updated it a bit to align more with Dasien's iconography found throughout Lemuria & Arc 4.

Like in the 'younger' version, the Wizard touches the three, but in a way where they're almost leaning on it for support, indicating that the player is tired, more worn and not as enthusiastic about the road ahead, as they once used to be. Of course, they are adorned in the Divine Paradox robes- I took some creative liberties, mainly omitting the "ring" on the back for a solid cape. I liked the idea of the cape symbolizing the weight the wizard now carries on their shoulders.

You may also notice that the tree root sticks out into the path in BOTH illustrations- as if to say that this could theoretically be the 'same' island the wizard was at when 'younger'. You could also read into the root of the tree completely obstructing the path in the 'older' piece in a certain way too- as though our roots & beginnings are now causing obstructions and issues in our current/future self.

Anywho! That's a lotta mumbo Jumbo but I really put a lot of thought into the pieces and wanted to ~explain~ it all hehe. Maybe you found some different meaning in these, that's awesome too!

Again, hope you all enjoy, and I also can't thank this community enough. You all mean so much to me, and now that I work on the game, I have extra appreciation for you all for keeping this game & community alive & thriving. You matter so much more than you may think <3

Here's to many more years of Wizard101!!!!! <3

#wizard101 #w101 #wizard101game #wizard 101 #kingsisle #oki's art #ALSO please click to enlarge the main illustrations i HATE that tumblr always seems to kill the quality of my arts </3 #anyway yea. hope you all enjoy!!!!!

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our-nonbinary-experience · 8 days

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I knew I wanted to change my name, even before I knew I'm enby, because my birth name sucks. I didn't do anything about it until I learned about my gender, because I felt like that gave me a 'real' reason to change my name (ofc now I know not liking it was reason enough). I knew I wanted a noun name, because I think those are rad, I considered Moth, Chanterelle, and Solanum (the last one isn't a noun, but they name of a character from a video game). I was anxious about introducing myself with a 'weird' name tho, and I ended up with a noun name that has a 'normal' nickname! And I'm really happy with it! I'm not comfortable sharing my real name on the internet, even on anon, but it's akin to Meg short for Megalodon

I tried to get my mom's opinion on what I should name myself, but when I brought up to her she started crying so I backed out (she does generally accept my gender, I think she's just struggling with this bit) and chose my name alone. I haven't told her (or anyone else) my new name yet, but I'm planning on telling my brother soon since he reacted really well to my initial coming out!

I’m happy to hear you found what you like! I hope it all goes well when you decide to tell others!

#our nonbinary experience #nonbinary #enby #nb asks #nb names #name change

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marymary-diva17 · 8 months

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joyful moments

tonowari x Navi reader x ronal

content : tonowari x reader, ronal x reader, and tonowari x reader x ronal, navi kids x mom reader

avatar masterlist

It has been many years and your life has changed tonowari had soon become the olo’eythan of the village and clan. Then ronal had become the tshaik of the clan once tonowari mom had stepped down, giving her positions to ronal. There was you the one everyone in the clan will go to for guidance and help when they didn’t want to face ronal or tonowari, everyone in the clan seem to go with that and you soon accept the role and responsibility. That was not the only thing that had changed in your and your mates lives.

Y/n " ......." you were humming a song to yourself in the home you shared with your mates, ronal and tonowair were busy with their tasks leaving you at home and dealing with anything that was needed to be done.

aiti " hello y/n"

y/n " hello aiti it good you see you today I was going to bring over some fish and fruit for you"

aiti " thank you dear I came to see how you and the little ones are doing"

y/n " we are doing well ronal and Tonowari have left for the day, and it seems like the little ones have wonder off"

????? " mama"

y/n " here they come" you soon laugh making aiti laugh as well, and soon three little metkayian children had come walking into the home, they all seem to be carrying stuff in their arms.

y/n " hello my babies what have your brought home this time"

aonung " I brought home this fish I caught it mama" aonung was soon holding a giant big fish in his hands, he had a bright smile as well.

y/n " wow you have a good talent my son"

aiti " he will be a fine warrior with he good skill to take down such a big fish"

aonung " really grandma"

aiti " yes you are definitely your father son"

rotxo " I had wnet diving while I was helping aonung fish and I found, some of this beautiful crystal under the water" rotxo soon showed you the crystal and it was green, the boy was so happy about his find.

y/n " wow sweetie that is amazing I haven't seen a crystal that shinning before"

aiti " then he most of dove very deep you could be a very good diver when you are older, you always seem to be bring back good items to add to your collection"

rotxo " really grandma do you think I can be a good diver"

aiti " if you set your heart to now come show me your find"rotxo soon walked over to this grandma.

y/n “ what about you ma tsireya what have you brought home” tsireya soon walked closer to you and show you a small basket filled with something. Tsireya “mama i found all of these” you soon saw some beautiful looking shells and pearls, you soon looked at tsireya and smiled at her.

y/n “ wow baby you found all of these on your own”

tsireya “ yes mama when the boys were fish I found them, and kept on collecting enough to fit in the basket you made”

aiti “ it seems like tsireya has picked up your eye to find beauty in the world”

y/n “ yes even due the the kids are ronal and tonowari, it still seems like they kids have picked up some stuff form me”

tsireya “ mama can you help me make some of these things into jewelry, like what you and mommy have”

y/n “ sure honey go get the stuff we need to make it, and I will help you”

tsireya “ yes mama” tisreya soon went to gather the stuff and soon came back to you, soon the family had started a craft circle. Aiti had stayed for the remaining of the day before returning home of the evening.

tsireya " mama when are mommy and baba going to be home"

y/n " they will be home soon my love why don't you set the table, that can be your big girl chores of the day" tsireya soon smiled as she went to place down the bowls and cups.

???? " then I caught this very big fish all myself baba"

tonowari " oh did you"

aonung " mama said we can have it for dinner and she made the families favorite style of fish"

???? " grandma said I will be a good diver when I'm older"

tonowari " wow you boys have an amazing day today" you soon saw tonowari entered the hot holding the boys in his arm, as ronal came in carrying the spears.

ronal " hello my love and little one" ronal had kissed your forehead happy to be home after being gone for a good amount of time.

tsireya " mommy and baba you are home"

ronal " oh so this is the fish you caught right aonung"

aonung " yes mommy"

ronal " wow you are amazing my son"

tonowair " now where is amazing crystal you got rotxo" rotxo soon raced to the bedroom he shared with his siblings and came back with the crystal.

tonowari " wow this is so bright my son I have never seen anything like this before"

rotox " grandma same thing as well"

tonowari “ well she is right my son” tonowari soon walked over to you and kissed your forehead making you smile at him. Ronal was now looking over the food cooking.

tomowari “ how was your day my yawne”

y/n “ I had a good day my love and how was your day”

tonowair “ it was wonderful but I’m happy to be home now” you soon smiled towards you husband. Soon the evening meal had started the three kids seem to be fine with everything that was going on, making conversation with each other and with everyone else. Soon bedtime had come and that was it own struggle but the kids soon had gone to bed, as you stayed up a bit more with ronal and tonowari.

ronal “ ma y/n we are happy to be home with you and the kids”

y/n “ I’m happy you two are home even due I always know you are coming back to me I still miss you both”

tonowari “ even when we are away from you and together we still fell like we are not fully complete, as eyes has given you as our mate and we will cherish that for the rest of our lives”

y/n “ now come let’s retire to bed you both have been busy all day, and need some rest” ronal and tonowari had smiled at you as you had dragged them off to bed sleeping together, being with your children and mates had become one of your many joyful memories. You were hoping memories like these will never stop coming and that life can be peaceful and happy, for many years to come.

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ronearoundblindly · 4 months

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The Dignity of His Choice (abridged ending)

Speedy version of Reflections Part II & III (see previous or series) Steve Rogers x wife!Reader

Alright, this may not be conventional, but I'm crippled by guilt over this story. There are so many elements that hit brutally close to home based on a personal experience this past year (arguably this past decade but whatevs), and so I have sifted through 28 A4-sized pages, front-to back, and 17 smaller pages, front-to back (save one sheet), as well as a typed-up 7k, in hopes of grasping this magical redemption arc that exists in my mind and falls flat everywhere else. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of loving this story so much that nothing is good enough, and I'm sick of hoping to offer a conclusion that never f***ing comes. Welp, today you can know the conclusion--or the gist of it at least--because that is my Christmas gift to myself. I'm washing myself of the guilt. -> What follows is an extremely unedited and maybe slightly poetic summary of the finale. God, I hope you enjoy it, but really, I just want to feel like I *can* finish something. Sorry if that's dramatic; that's just...the situation of 2023.

Thank you in advance for your understanding, and I hope this serves up some sort of holiday cheer! (No real warnings because smut is reserved for the full-length version. This tale, as always, is 18+ due to very heavy themes.)

The thing is Steve doesn't regret his choice. How can he regret anything that ensured you were here, alive and happy, by his side? That's not an achievement he'll ever be ashamed of; there's no guarantee in the multiverse that he could have done better.

You spoke of being lucky. You felt guilt that of all the servicemen and women to lose their lives, yours came home in the end.

Steve doesn't see it that way. Yes, you and he are very, very lucky, but overall, Steve won.

In every war, there are battles. In battles, there are fights. In fights, there are shots taken, punches thrown. You don't need to land every punch to win a war. There are always losses.

Steve Rogers tends to win because he understands this.

He knows the value of strategy. He knows the value of hope. He especially knows the value of planning for the worst.

And so he's surprised--as he often is with you--that he hasn't lost more.

You accept the loss as well as the win. You endure more gracefully than he ever imagined possible during those long months alone and away.

His sacrifice may have played a factor in your safety, but in the end, it just came down to you. You fought for yourself. You battled for your beliefs. You warred for your convictions.

Steve can understand that. He admires it.

He plans to make this dreadful mess up to you, he hopes for the time to do so, but before he can strategize how, your bubble of isolation is burst by a knock at the door.

"Open up, Rogers. Please," Sam Wilson requests anxiously over F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s speaker.

He could simply mean you since you are a Rogers and neither of you have heard the okay that the world knows Steve's alive. Although, Steve still doesn't have a phone again, and you haven't exactly been checking yours during recent...activities... (Not to put too fine a point on it, but Bucky's little gifts aren't going to miraculously last eight days and nights.)

Steve stays in the corner of the kitchen, drying his hands from the dishes you two were washing together, while you answer the door.

It swings open in the direction that still hides Steve.

"Hey--" Steve hears the soft pause in Wilson's voice "--I think...I may be out of line here, but Stark ordered personnel to vacate the compound."

You cross your arms over your chest, nervous. "Do we need to leave? I--As in, you and I? Are we included in that?"

"No," Sam says flatly. "It's just...suspicious--look, can I come in?"

"Sam, wait!" You push to make a wall in the doorway, meaning Steve can no longer see you or what's happening while a silence, an extremely pregnant pause, stretches.

Afterward, there's a whisper.

"Is he here?"

Your reply is only a stutter of unfinished words, but that's enough. Sam's stepped past and halted a few feet inside before his scanning gaze lands on Steve.

Steve's not sure what he expects his friend to do. He's misjudging reactions left and right these days, so he can't presume that--

"Gym?" Sam ticks his arm, thumb pointing back out to the hall. "I'm going for a run."

He has to convince you and Steve that the whole place really has been cleared before Steve changes clothes.

The string-light and garland-lined corridors remind Steve that his apartment remains devoid of any festive touches. You two have been too distracted to realize it's the day before Christmas Eve, so the 'evacuation' will likely draw no attention from the average employee.

Stark is just adamant they have the holiday for family. That's all. The only people who live there are Avengers.

The smell of the rubber floor when they walk onto the track spikes nostalgia in the back of Steve's brain, and in his utter joy to be there again, he starts sprinting like old times.

His blood pumps and his lungs stretch, but it's too hard, too fast. His blood thunders in his ears and makes his head swim. His lungs burn fiercely and seize. He collapses, gasping through his weakest asthma attack yet, but it still happens.

Things are almost, almost the same. Things are still different.

Without taking the opportunity to gloat (too much), Sam uses his powers, skills he's had all along, to divine Steve's real fear:

Steve changed things, and he may have changed things so much that it's all ruined. He can't go back to being Cap because he showed his colors: he chose you over everything else. What if you can't go back to being his wife because of that same choice?

Sam helps Steve off the floor.

"You walked the same circle for a long time, buddy. Instead of getting off the track entirely, try one lane over. Baby steps."

Steve snorts. "Ya know, she said something similar."

"Yeah, well, some of us filled in the stoic charm while you were gone."

"Comes naturally to you, doesn't it?"

Wilson turns to walk backwards, flashing pearly whites. "The outfit is growing on me, and I think the press were just about to stop calling me Black Cap." He playfully punches Steve's shoulder. "We'll see how far this sets me back, huh?"

After realizing he has to take it easy, Steve enjoys a long, mostly quiet run beside his friend, never once passing him. Though Steve asks about returning tomorrow, Sam has to decline. Christmas Eve is for Sarah and her boys, and Sam's sister will raise hell if crossed.

Just before leaving the gym, Sam hugs Steve, the length and intensity of the embrace telling Steve all he needs to know. Sam--like everyone else who knows so far--is happier than he is hurt, and that stifles Steve in a torrent of humility.

He doesn't deserve the strength of this family built around him, but he is grateful.

Steve also doesn't expect to find Natasha and Bucky in his apartment when he returns. He was hoping to put up some decorations with you, bring a touch of joyous spirit to that place you've been emotionally entombed for months, but he outright frowns when seeing the box they brought.

Between you and Nat sits the bin of intel the Keepers gathered on you and left behind at a raided facility. You're pouring over the dirty details of horrible intrusion to your private life, both you and Steve's, and he can't help but watch your face closely.

You do look horrified. You look furious for minutes on end, file after file, until you finally ask, "who's had stuff like this on you guys?"

That's the thing. That's the part eating away at Steve's shame. It's why he can't be beyond a superficial level of sorry for what he's done.

"The Red Room," Nat replies softly.

Buck shrugs. "Hydra...among others."

Steve knows what that intel could have been a precursor to; they could manipulate more than just him. You could have been used, you could have been changed, and it would have been his fault. Extremes are most of his life, so Steve goes to extreme measures to keep his life separate from all of that.

Blurring those lines--bringing you closer to the fray of this scary and violent world feels irresponsible.

You continue to ask candid questions about what Nat and Bucky were doing this whole time. The response is grueling, a complex web of taking out targets without signaling an ulterior motive, every interaction carefully executed to seem natural, all the while knowing that Steve waited to come home and you waited for...well, the truth.

The way Natasha describes it makes Steve sick to his stomach.

He never wanted this, but he has to live with the consequences.

You thumb over a few stalking photographs in your hand and simply say, "that was quite a commitment."

Something triggers in Steve, and suddenly, his next move is crystal clear.

"I'll--I'll be right back," he blurts.

All three of you startle in confusion, sat around the coffee table like it's the most normal thing in the world to share so much. You've had top clearance for twenty-four hours. You're already a pro, and that makes Steve's idea that much more perfect.

He races through the building, glad he doesn't have to hide, and pounds on Tony's door.

As soon as Tony opens up though, Morgan rushes past his legs and lets out a blood-curdling cry that ends in a sobbing, "you're alive."

The little girl flings herself into Steve's arms, refusing to let go the entire time he asks Stark--all the Starks--for a favor.

You wake up the next morning to find a note from Steve and a dress of yours hung by the tree you put up after a long meal with Nat and Bucky.

Important errand, the note reads. Expect Tony to come by at 11. Wear this, please. I love you.

It's the dress you chose for your first date with Steve, the date that kinda never happened because the compound was invaded and you had to kill a guy. Odd memory to resurrect, but you do adore that dress.

You're not surprised when Tony arrives in one of his signature suits, nor when he makes a show of walking you through the halls on his arm. He has the uncanny ability to chat about nothing using the maximum number of words. He's delightful that way.

Your first real clue is Morgan, standing outside some double doors to one of the flex rooms, like the ones changed for training different abilities, like the ones used for therapy circles. In fact, it's the same room, the exact same double doors as years ago.

The girl looks fit to burst, clearly told to keep her cheers to a minimum as she clutches a wicker Easter basket in her hands, crouching as if ready to spring into action.

Pepper stands close by. Nat and Bucky whisper conspiratorially a ways down the hall.

Then you notice.

Tony has on a black suit with red pin-stripes, Pepper a blue dress with a white belt, Natasha a red dress with a white belt, and Bucky a navy suit with a black-shirt underneath.

"We did our best on short notice," Tony rambles off, guiding you to a stop in front of the party.

"This is for you," Morgan squeaks, ripping a colorful bundle of pipe cleaners out of the basket. There are buttons woven to the tops of each 'stem.'

Pepper quickly adds, "wild flowers were...a bit scarce, as you can imagine."

You brave a single question.

"What's going on?"

Everyone just beams at you, falling into a pattern of pairs behind Morgan before Tony winks and tells you to follow his lead.

The doors open, and there, at the end of the aisle, stands Steve--your Steve--in his old Captain America outfit minus the cowl. His hair is still long and darker, but his beard is properly trimmed.

All you can think is how you'll tease him about that.

You pinch at the leather sleeve in curiosity, and Steve leans over.

"This is the last thing I'll ever do in it," he says before kissing your cheek. "Promise."

"Says the guy who's stolen it twice," Tony mutters from his place on the other side of Bucky.

"He has a point," Nat chimes in.

The poor priest clears his throat and bellows, "dearly beloved..."

He keeps his promise.

At a press conference just before New Year's, Steve is announced as one of those rescued from "an enemy base" in an undisclosed location.

The crowd of reporters erupts in a chaos of inquisition, but all Steve will give them, standing there in a simple sweater and slacks, is his official resignation of the title Cap.

"What do we call you then?" someone shouts from the back.

"Just Steve. I am Steve Rogers, that's all." He looks to his left for the comfort of your face. "And this--" he grabs your hand "--is Mrs. Rogers, my soulmate."

@im-a-slut-for-fluff @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @fangirl-swagg @georgeweaslysgirl @austynparksandpizza @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes @claireelizabeth85 @patzammit @supraveng @1950schick @jamneuromain @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @spectre-posts

A/N: and yes, the full-version will be written eventually.

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

#the dignity of his choice #fools rush in #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fluff #captain america x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n

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magpizza · 4 months

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Mag's Sapphic Book Recs

Hey! @fairymascot sent a few of you my way who are looking for some sapphic book recs! I have compiled a list of 50 or so books, both Adult and YA, across the genres I read. These are just my personal favorites, and I encourage you to look further into any book that piques your interest!

For where I go for books, I go to my local library a lot and can't sing the praises of the Libby app enough for borrowing ebooks and audiobooks. I also always encourage those who can to get their books from independent bookstores or sites like bookshop.org.

ADULT

I wanna feel sad or stressed out! -Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily R. Austin - Gilda is anxious, depressed, and jobless, so she accepts a receptionist job at a catholic church and becomes obsessed with what happened to the woman who had the job before her. A book I felt really deeply as an anxious person myself. -All The Little Moments by G. Benson - Anna's career-focused world is turned upside down when her brother and sister-in-law pass away and she is left to take care of their two young children. This one is a real tearjerker and the romance with the woman Anna meets is very very sweet. I've read almost all of G. Benson's books and found them all to be absolute winners (Purposefully Accidental is excellent, also deals with grief though is more lighthearted and has some of the best dialogue I've ever read). -Landing by Emma Donohue - This is such a lovely, meaty book that explores the complexities of people, as well as the challenges a burgeoning relationship can go through. The MCs face distance, age difference, culture differences, different life goals, etc. The characters around them were also surprisingly deep and interesting. It had me on the edge of my seat as to how it would resolve. -I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself by Marisa Crane - this one is a bit sci fi, but I felt the sad outweighed the sci fi classification. A future world where you are marked by your crimes by being given an extra shadow, a woman has to navigate single motherhood with her daughter having been given an extra shadow from birth. It was somber, it was lovely, I felt so much weight in my heart. -Whisper of Solace by Milena McKay - If you like terrible women doing terrible things to each other in the name of their careers but also obsession and love, this one is for you! One of the most unique Ice Queen POVs I have read!

Okay, I'm sad enough, now I want a happy romance! -Wherever Is Your Heart by Anita Kelly - Even as a lover of romance myself, few books have made me swoon like this one. Two older butch women finding love much later in life and being realistic about their issues and problems, I just absolutely adored the grounded conversations they had. Also a very quick read! -Breaking Character by Lee Winter - This is one of the most enjoyable, fun, heartfelt romances. It's Hollywood, it's fake dating, it's age gap. Both characters go on such a lovely journey together. This is one I would highly encourage you to listen to the audiobook as Angela Dawe is amazing at doing all the character voices and accents. Additionally, there is not a single Lee Winter book I haven't liked, so highly recommend any of hers (The Awkward Truth is my second fave of hers, with a unique and younger ice queen). -The Carlisle Series by Roslyn Sinclair - You honestly can't have a sapphic romance list without this series. It's adapted and updated from Roslyn's Devil Wears Prada fanfic, but this is a story all its own and had me tearing up at the ending. I did the exercise of reading both the books and the fanfic which was very fun to compare! -Something's Different by Quinn Ivins - This is one of the sweetest books, I smiled all the way reading it. A woman has to step in to cover for her twin sister at her job while her sister goes off with her boyfriend, and she ends up falling for her sister's boss. It was a lovely book that also touched on mental health. I also love an academic setting, and it made statistics fun to learn about! -Bright Falls Series by Ashley Herring Blake - This 3 book series is so fun, just true romcom goodness. The characters are fun and interesting, they have complex relationships with each other, and I love how the author sets up these little ways the characters think is truth or reality, only to find how differently they perceived things.

Give me some scary ones! -The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling - cave spelunking in a tricked up space suit, being chased by ghosts, and not sure if you can trust the woman on the radio who's guiding you through it. Has just such a satisfying ending too. -The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean - a vampire-adjacent book, it's a world where these beings eat books, but then sometimes one amongst them instead eats minds. A woman, book eater herself, runs away from her family to protect her son who is a mind eater. I felt this one was gutwrenching at times, with characters making tough and sometimes bad decisions, and it kept a grip on me the whole way. -Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant - this one is more of an ensemble cast as it jumps around to several POVs, but the sapphic romance pair in it is great. It follows a crew aboard a ship to figure out what happened to a previous ship where everyone just disappeared. Every character has a rich internal life of why they're there, what are their goals, etc. -Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield - a woman's wife went on a deep sea expedition and returns not quite the same. The book jumps between the two women, what happened on that expedition and what her wife is having to deal with after she returns. I also enjoyed Julia's book of short stories, Salt Slow.

Wow, that was pretty scary. What about some fun science-y adventures? -The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson - a sci fi, multiverse traveling book. In the future, society can send people to alternate verses, mostly to steal resources, but you can only be sent if the other version of you is already dead in that world. The writing is fast-paced, really fun, and had some great quotes I even wrote down. It had so many little and big twists along the way, I gasped a lot. -The Founders Trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett - kinda fantasy, kinda sci fi, kinda steam-punky, but a whole lotta fun! Fast-paced, it has one of the most interesting magic systems I've ever read. It's low on romance but the sapphic relationship that develops had my heart clenching by the last book. I read this series this year and already want to re-read it. -This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone - this book is a short but challenging read. It may not be for everyone. Treat it less like a novel and more like a riddle. It's feeding you bits and pieces as it goes and all will be revealed by the end. One of the most romantic books I've read.

Sure sure, but how about some escapism into fantasy now? -The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir - this one could've also gone in the horror or sci fi lists, what with the lesbian necromancers in space tagline. You've probably heard of it, it's dense, complicated at times, and will throw you for a loop when it quotes Linkin Park lyrics at you. Each book has such a different flavor too. A fun series to not only read but also reread! It requires a lot of attention, and I'm not too proud to admit I had to look up several word meanings as I read. The only series I have multiple versions of because I couldn't resist the special editions. -The Burning Kingdoms series by Tasha Suri - love me some fantasy set in a world inspired by the history and epics of India, some morally gray characters, complicated motivations, some betrayal of the ones you love most. This series is so lovely and such a fun and heartwrenching ride and I can't wait for the next book. -Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree - It's cozy, it's sweet, it just made me smile all the way through. The sequel I found just as lovely as well.

Enough with the other worlds! Got anything historical? -The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave - this one could also go on the sad list. It's poetic, lovely. A town of only women since their men all were lost in a storm and how the women manage to move on, deal with their grief, and face a dude who comes in later to try to "set their society right" or whatever. Throw that dude into the sea too. -Fingersmith by Sarah Waters - an absolute rollercoaster of a book. It's a long, great read with deception upon deception upon twists. I also highly recommend the BBC miniseries it was adapted into! -The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite - this one really surprised me. It's honestly really sweet. Two women come together to translate a French astronomy text and fall in love in the process.

Got anything with pictures? -Luisa Now and Then by Carole Maurel - drama, a woman in her 30s encounters her much younger self and they have to come to terms with who they thought they were and what they thought their life would be like. -A Guest in the House by Emily Carroll - heavy on the horror, not really a romance, but it is gorgeous, atmospheric, and didn't go where I thought it was going. -How Do We Relationship by Tamifull - drama, slice of life, one of my favorite series, it goes through some really complex character relationships and interactions. The main couple starts dating pretty quickly, and it only gets more complicated from there. -She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat by Sakaomi Yuzaki - slice of life. This one starts out simply enough, with two women who connect over food. Their relationship blooms slowly from there, and the latest volume introduced some additional characters that expand the discussion on how different our relationship to food and eating can be.

YOUNG ADULT

That was a lot. I'm ready to be sad again. -We Are Okay by Nina LaCour - a girl leaves everyone behind to go to college, and won't talk to them about why or what happened that changed her in those few weeks before she left. Her best friend comes to visit her and what follows is a slow, anguishing tale of grief, regret, and love. Honestly, for a sad time, you can always depend on Nina LaCour. -Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick - this one might not work for everyone if you don't like an amnesia story. It had so much longing, loss, confusion, and a romance strong enough to attempt to get through it. -6 Times We Almost Kissed (and One Time We Did) by Tess Sharpe - Don't let the meme-rific title fool you, this book wrung out my heart. The characters are rich, deep, conflicted, and complicated. Deals with grief, with lost opportunities, with complicated friendships and complicated love. -If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St. Jude - what happens if you were already suicidal, but then the world is going to end soon anyway? This book deals heavily with depression and the end of the world, in many different meanings. -Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo - this one broke my heart a few times. Two girls who don't know they are related lose their father in a plane crash, and it only gets sadder and more complicated from there as both their words begin to connect.

Wow, all this sadness has made me angry! -Harley Quinn: Reckoning by Rachael Allen - gotta love a female rage revenge book. This book is a really engrossing read, it weaves a lovely mystery, and has one of my all time favorite twists and love interest characters of any book.

I've angered myself out, can we have some happy romance? -She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick - a lovely lovely contemporary romance story. Nothing surprising, just all the good stuff. Also writen by a wife team! -How to Excavate a Heart by Jake Maia Arlow - a very sweet holiday romance that starts when one of the MCs almost runs over her love interest. -Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes - with the topics this one deals with, it could've very easily made the sad list as well. The overall uplifting ending is what kept it more in the happy list for me.

Okay, okay, I'm ready to be scared again! -These Fleeting Shadows by Kate Alice Marshall - this one has it all, creepy house, family trauma, falling for the weird girl in the woods. It all built up to a really great twist too. I recommend the audiobook, it had great production and acting, and even legit scared me and I couldn't listen to it at night.

I like horror, but got anything a little more sci fi? -The Meadows by Stephanie Oaks - along the same lines of A Handmaid's Tale, a dystopian future where the government has a lot to say about what your role is in society and what you are supposed to do/be. At times a little slow, but at all times really heartwrenching.

Anything related to history? -A Million to One by Adiba Jaigirdar - four girls band together to execute a jewel heist on the titanic! Which sounds very exciting and it is! I also bawled at the end. Honestly I will read any and all Adiba Jaigirda books too.

Okay let's get into that fantastical escapism! -Fractured Fables series by Alix E. Harrow - based on fairytales, these two novelas are very quick reads, very engaging and I especially loved the romance that developed in the second one! -We Set the Dark on Fire series by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Handmaids Tale adjacent as well and the backdrop is Latiné inspired. A really great read, both books had be gripped by the chest. Good twists too! -The Winter Duke by Claire Eliza Bartlett - inspired by sleeping beauty, the prince set to inherit the throne falls asleep and his younger sister has to figure out how the hell she keeps it all together until he (hopefully) wakes up. -Cinderella Is Dead by Kalynn Bayron - a society built after the very real Cinderella story, where all ladies of age go to the ball to be selected as brides, and then the story of a girl trying to fight against all that. -Forgotten Gods series by Marie Rutkoski - A girl who lives on the poor side of town meets a rich girl who seems ready to take her on adventures. I really enjoyed the main character's journey and how she changed oh so very drastically throughout the story. -Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst - I've recced this to friends who did not like it as much as I did but I'm still putting it on this list. Maybe it's just this book has all the things I like and that's fine. A princess betrothed to a prince is hiding her magical abilities and ends up falling for her fiance's sister, oops. -Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley - what drew me to this story was the quiet mystery it weaves. Sofi wants to take her father's place as a Musik (the few musicians in the country allowed to compose music) but then an unexpected, untrained lute player shows up and just absolutely outplays her. Sofi is determined to prove this new girl cheated with magic. Adrienne Tooley overall is an author I always enjoy. -Nampeshiweisit series by Moniquill Blackgoose - only the first book is out so far (To Shape a Dragon's Breath) but boy am I invested! A young girl finds the first dragon egg to appear in her remote island in 15 years, but the colonists of her land have strong opinions of who is allowed to have a dragon, how they need to be trained, and what they should do with dragons.

Phew that was a lot of words. Got anything with pictures again? -Thieves by Lucie Bryon - a really sweet and surprisingly deep story about two girls who steal shit. -Belle of the Ball by Mari Costa - a high school love triangle that worked in all the right ways. I loved the art, and as someone with vision deterioration, one of the easiest reads I've had recently! -Twelfth Grade Night by Molly Horton Booth - the original Shakespeare play Twelfth Night was formative for my lesbian realization, and this cute adaptation was so well done and modernized the story in a really fun and fantastical way. -The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich by Deya Muniz - continues the running theme of girl pretending to be a boy falls for girl, oops. Has a historical and modern twist to it all, very fun and loved the expressions. Do Not skip the author's notes at the end where she talks about what inspired the story, it was a highlight as well! -Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall - Mean Girls meets werewolves -Cosmoknights series by Hannah Templer - princesses, space travel, giant robot fights, this has got it all and some very lovely art to boot! -Honor Girl: A Graphic Memoir by Maggie Thrash - one of those comics that perfectly captures what it feels like to be a young girl falling in love with another girl for the first time. It's a little bit emotionally devastating at times in how expertly it expresses and pinpoints those specific feelings.

#sapphic books #sapphic book recs #this took me all morning #now I can rest

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