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leiakenobi · 2 years

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“Your moans will wake everyone up and I’m oddly fine with that.” & damerey ? (or just poe)

I did end up writing this one as Damerey, and it clocked in at a whopping 1.2k so i ended up cross-posting it to AO3 here, but you'll be able to read the whole fic under the read more if you prefer.

Light mature rating on this one, so I request 18+ readers only pls.

——

It was not the sort of thing either of them would normally think to do—fool around on a mission. Even when afforded all the privacy imaginable, even when they were absolutely certain that they had hours to wait for any moves, and thus plenty of time to devote to more… diverting activities.

Even then, they were normally inclined to resist.

But they’d just spent an evening at some stuffy event, trying to ease the lingering tensions between two neighboring provinces that had very different ideas about what their planet needed after the fall of the First Order. It was exhausting, and a pain in the ass, but they had admittedly had a fair amount of fun, eating strange new foods and dancing and meeting all sorts of new people, most of whom were thrilled about an opportunity to bend the ears of the heroes of the Resistance.

And Maker, Poe had looked unbearably handsome the whole time, and from the way he met Rey’s eyes across the party more than once, he knew that she was thinking so.

They’d been good, though. They had done nothing about it, returning to their suite with the rest of their team and frankly too exhausted to think of acting on the thoughts swirling around both of their heads. Honestly, they were too exhausted to properly get ready for bed at all. When they closed themselves away in their room, Poe shed his jacket but little else, falling into bed and murmuring to Rey, “Lemme hold you for a minute.”

Within five minutes, they were asleep, one of the dim lights still on and the covers still neatly tucked into the bed beneath them.

So they found themselves when the sun began to peek through the window, coaxing Rey out of her slumber as the light shone through her eyelids. She groaned as she leaned her head instinctively out of the path of the sunlight, only to come into immediate contact with Poe’s shoulder. His arm, which was wrapped loosely at her stomach, gripped her a little tighter at once as he also began to shift.

“What was that for?” he muttered.

“Too sunny,” Rey replied. She rolled over onto her other side, burrowing her face into his chest and sighing softly when he held her more firmly.

As his hand dug into her back, Poe seemed to realize that something was amiss. “Why’re you still dressed?”

“‘m not the only one.”

Poe lifted his head and opened his eyes for the first time, blearily taking a look at them sprawled across the bed in their formalwear. “What’d we do that for?”

Rey knew Poe. She knew how unlikely it was for him to get back to sleep once his mind was running. And she could feel it, in that question, that he’d already passed the point of no return, even if his voice was still creaky with sleep.

So she resigned herself and repositioned once more, scooting up in bed so she could look Poe in the eye. “You might recall someone said we were only going to cuddle for a minute.”

“That someone is an idiot,” Poe retorted.

Rey could see from the way his eyes were shining that he knew all too well it was his fault, so she couldn’t help but smile. Over his playful gaze, and over the mess of him, too—his hair unkempt from sleep, his dress shirt only half-buttoned, and a healthy smattering of stubble across his cheeks.

Looking at the mess that was Poe Dameron, she replied, “But a very handsome idiot.”

He pursed his lips, amused but reluctant to agree and truly cede recognition that their situation was his responsibility, even if there was no problem with it and no reason to be ashamed.

Frankly, it was the inanity that made him want to be playfully cagey about the whole thing, and she knew it. She was even endeared by it, enough so that she leaned in for what was only meant to be a chaste, pleasant sort of kiss. A you’re ridiculous but I love you sort of kiss.

But again. It had been an exhilarating evening, and they’d been unable to keep their eyes off each other. And so, when her lips found his, it was as though a dam broke.

Their hands were everywhere all at once, not frantic, precisely – they were rarely frantic – but certainly eager. Eager to touch and to be touched. Poe, clutching at the fabric of her gown, mumbled, “Never thought I’d miss all those pieces of your tunic.”

“It’s a lot easier to find some way under them,” she agreed.

As though to make her point, her own hands trailed over the bare skin of his chest, so conveniently accessible beneath his shirt (which she’d unbuttoned but had not bothered to slide from his shoulders quite yet).

Her light touch made Poe smile against her lips, until her fingers traced over his stomach and strayed into his pants.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he gasped, pulling out of their kiss.

Not pulling out of Rey’s touch, she noticed at once. That felt important.

Still. She ventured no further, her hand splayed out across his pelvis as she asked, “You don’t want to?”

“I didn’t say that,” Poe said carefully. He licked his lips, drawing Rey’s eyes to his mouth at once although he did not intend to. “We just… we may have this room to ourselves, but we’re not the only ones in this suite. And it’s… we’ve been gone for almost two weeks.”

Almost two weeks of only gentle kisses and innocent hand-holding. Poe didn’t say so, but Rey suspected this point was meant to be something along the lines of he wasn’t sure how quiet he would be.

So she nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“Two whole weeks,” Poe added, his tone a little more emphatic.

Rey’s expression shifted, her brow furrowing. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was trying to talk himself into it. “Maybe you’d be able to keep quieter than you think,” she offered.

“Maybe,” Poe agreed. He seemed less than convinced, at least about his own ability to keep his noise to a minimum.

But he kissed Rey once more and reached down, guiding her hand further into his pants.

It was almost immediately clear that he would not be able to stay quiet, not really. Rey palming him through his underpants was enough to make him whimper, and when she touched him, skin to skin, he moaned at once—Rey swallowed the sound eagerly, mouth open to him and chasing his tongue while his stubble slotted coarse against her cheek.

And then she pulled away, just long enough to say, “Your moans will wake everyone up and I’m oddly fine with that.”

Poe rolled his eyes, even as his lips quirked up. “So they’ll be nice and alert to hear you scream when it’s your turn.”

“I don’t scream,” Rey muttered.

He was on the brink of arguing, she could see it, until she moved her hand just so and made him moan again.

They were too busy kissing to argue about precisely what noises they made, after that.

#damerey #jedipilot #fanfic #my fic #created #prompt fill

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starrybethany · 3 years

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I’m Sure - Adam Boqvist Imagine Part 2

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Word count: 3.5K

I shut the front door quietly behind me. I step out of my heels, sighing in relief as my feet can finally breathe. My eyes land on the twelve-year-old on the couch and I can’t help but grin despite his cold behavior towards me lately.

I know he’s an adolescent so he’s going to go through mood swings and say hurtful things-but that doesn’t make it hurt less. It also doesn’t make me love him less. I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders slowly and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Mom,” he rips the headphones off of his ears, setting the controller and the headphones down on the coffee table. “You’re home.”

“Are you playing Call of Duty with the boys?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, eyes still avoiding my own. I know he’s ashamed of how he treated me this morning before leaving for school, but he won’t admit it. I raised him to admit it when he’s made a mistake, but he’s a boy, and they naturally refuse to do so. He’s still young, too, so he feels like he’s somehow always right.

“What do you want for dinner?” I make my way towards the small kitchen, opening the fridge to look inside.

“Didn’t you get food with Winston?” Holden questions, giving me a confused look.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “But I’m assuming you didn’t eat.”

“No.”

I pull out the supplies to make a grilled cheese, looking up at him expectantly. “Grilled cheese, then?”

“Yeah.”

The fading sun catches the blonde locks in his hair as he looks over at me from time to time, trying to focus on his game but a thought obviously occupying him.

“Mom, is um, is Winston going to be moving in with us?” He questions.

“What?” I laugh. “No, honey, we’ve only been dating a few months. Why would you think that?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. You guys hang out a lot.”

“Well, I hope you know that I would have a conversation with you before doing anything that serious,” I reassure him, bringing over a Coke and the plate with chips and a grilled cheese.

“Thanks, mom,” he cracks a smile at me. A sign that it’s all better now.

“So, tell me about school today. How was art? Did you finally compliment Cierra’s painting?” I tease.

“Mom,” his voice cracks with the warning.

“I’m just teasing,” I giggle. “But seriously, Holden, girls love compliments.”

“I know,” he grumbles, returning to his game.

“How is Holden?” My sister asks.

I balance the phone between my shoulder and my ear, glancing up the stairs to make sure his door is closed so that he doesn’t hear the conversation. I lower my voice just in case. “I’m still worried about him. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, he doesn’t hang out with the friends that he does have, he doesn’t want to join any sports or extracurricular activities- his grades aren’t the best. I’ve asked him so many times if he wants to go to therapy and he says no every time.”

“Well, maybe it’s time for you and Winston to get serious. That boy needs a father figure.”

I feel the annoyance rise in my blood and I roll my eyes, grateful that she can’t see me and scold me about the action. “I don’t want to push Holden to accept Winston. Holden will make his own decision of how to perceive him. Look, I have to go, I’m working late tomorrow.”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I quickly hang up, turning off the downstairs lights and making my way upstairs. I peak under my son’s door, seeing a soft light emerging, before doing my nighttime routine and laying down in bed. I scroll through my social media for a while- a habit I’ve been trying to break since Holden was born- seeing that all of my friends who are Flyer fans are getting excited for the game against the Blackhawks tomorrow.

Colorado was not a hockey place. They were all about their Denver Broncos and lived and breathed football. Holden and I moved to Philadelphia with my ex-boyfriend when he was a toddler, and we broke up when he started kindergarten, but we’ve stayed in Philadelphia ever since.

Philadelphia, however, is a hockey place. I understand why- Gritty is the embodiment of the city- but it was odd to be immersed back into the hockey life. Everyone here worships Claude Giroux and flashes of orange are worn everywhere we go.

I asked Holden when he was younger if he wanted to play hockey, since a lot of his friends do, but he quickly rejected the idea- something I was guiltily relieved about. He doesn’t know that his dad is a hockey player, in fact, he’s surprisingly never asked about his dad.

I thought he would want to learn more as he grew older and saw all of the kids at school with both of their parents, but he’s never said a thing to me.

I don’t know if he’s said something to someone else, though.

I set my phone down on the nightstand, exhausted from the long workday and the worry that constantly fills my body about my son. I know I need to do something to encourage him to increase his grades, make some friends, join some clubs- hell, even if it’s to spend more time with me, I wouldn’t mind that.

But right now, I just feel like a shitty mother.

I sigh, setting down the papers on my desk and rubbing my eyes. I hate ordering inventory, but someone needs to do it and since the owner of this coffee shop is never here, it lays on my shoulders.

I stand up, making my way to the front of the shop. “Do you guys know if Lia needs any more shirts?”

“I think she does,” Rachel’s voice falls on deaf ears as I notice the person waiting to order. The blood rushes to my head and my limbs run cold. All I can focus on is him. He’s standing in the coffee shop that I manage, a familiar, yet older Alex DeBrincat by his side, just like old times.

My eyes meet Alex’s first. He smiles at me, then I watch as it slowly transfers into a look of confusion.

“Do I- do I know you?” He asks carefully.

“Y/N,” another voice breathes out. I turn my head, eyes meeting Adam’s. His face is frozen in disbelief, like he can’t believe it’s actually me.

But it’s me. And I’m standing in front of my child’s father, seeing him for the first time in about thirteen years. I hadn’t spoken to him since the day I left, Holden still a little bean in my stomach.

Staying true to my word, I did it on my own- with the help from some ex-boyfriends. But still, I was the one hugging him when he got vaccines at six months old, I was the one rubbing his back when he had the stomach flu at six years old, I’m the one kissing him on the cheek after parent-teacher conferences.

“Oh my gosh, Y/N, it’s been a while!” Alex chuckles, snapping my attention back to him. “I thought you were in Colorado, what are you doing in Philly?”

I force a smile. “Needed a change in scenery.”

It’s not a complete lie.

“How have you been? Is there a husband, any kids?”

Rachel, God bless Rachel, calls out Alex’s name and hands him his coffee before I can respond.

“How are you doing?” I inquire, keeping my eyes on the shorter man.

“Oh, I’m good, Lyndsey and I just had our second, our first boy,” he smiles proudly. He always used to talk about how much he wanted a family with her.

“Congratulations,” I smile.

“Thanks. Boqy here,” he slaps Adam’s chest, bringing him into the conversation. I reluctantly drag my eyes over to him, seeing that he’s already watching me. “Hasn’t changed a bit since you left.”

I nod, biting back the snarky remark that wants to escape. He’s what, thirty now? And he hasn’t changed a bit?

“Well, I have to get back to work,” I respond, wanting nothing more than to escape this conversation. I wouldn’t mind chatting with Alex for a whil- I’m sure he’d love Holden, but I don’t want Adam to know anything about my son.

I can’t help but feel guilty at that.

“Hey, let’s exchange numbers and hang out soon. We’re playing the Flyers and Penguins for the next couple of days, so we’ll be around for a while,” Alex offers.

I nod, pulling out my phone to exchange numbers with him. Somehow Adam thinks it’s his right to add his number into my phone, too.

“Well, it was great seeing you, Y/N,” Alex smiles before leaving, holding the door open for his companion. Adam spares me one last glance before leaving.

I cry in my office.

I can feel his eyes sliding between me and his plate. He pushes the corn with his fork, causing a scrapping noise to echo throughout the small room. He’s used to dinner being filled with questions about his day- what did he learn in science? Did he play dodgeball in gym class? But I’m not in the mood tonight.

The last thing that I wanted to do was make dinner and sit down and eat it instead of ordering pizza and crawling into bed, but I know I need to put on a brave face for Holden. He doesn’t need to know that anything’s wrong.

He coughs awkwardly. “I don’t like corn.”

I can’t hold back the rolling of my eyes. He looks shocked at that, like he’s not expecting it, but I’m not in the mood for his snarky attitude tonight.

“Then don’t eat it.”

He studies me before I can’t handle it anymore, shoving my chair back. I quickly throw the rest of my food away and throw my dishes into the sink before practically sprinting upstairs, locking my bedroom door behind me like a teenage girl.

I’m wiping the tears in my eyes furiously, my chest heaving with every breathe. I’m hoping that if I stop the tears from coming now, it’ll seem like they’ve never come at all.

And if they never fall, I’ve never cried over Adam Boqvist.

My phone buzzes angrily in my back pocket and I pull it out, practically groaning when I read Winston’s name. It shouldn’t be like that when I see that it’s my boyfriend calling, I know that, but really? Right now?

“Hello?”

“Hey, how are you?” Winston coos through the phone.

I furrow my eyebrows at the tone. “Uh, alright.”

“It’s just- Holden texted me and told me that you’re feeling kind of, um, off, tonight,” he struggles to explain.

I hold back my scoff. Sure, now Holden likes Winston.

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, Y/N, how are we supposed to have a healthy relationship if you can’t talk to me?” He persists.

“I just don’t want to talk about it, Winston.”

“Fine. Be that way. But just so you know, if you can’t bother talking to me about this, then don’t bother talking to me ever again.”

I raise my eyebrows at that. “You’re going to break up with me because I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong?”

“It’s the principle of it, Y/N! If you aren’t willing to share your emotions with me four months into this relationship, where are we going?” He rants.

I’m dumbfounded. I know I should be willing to tell him what’s wrong- he’s supposed to be my partner, my confidant, the one I tell everything to.

But to be honest, I don’t really care. I’ve never felt an immense attraction to him. Really, when he asked me out the only reason I said yes was because I like his appearance. But we’ve never clicked, we’ve never had that fire, that passion- like, like what Adam and I had.

“Exactly,” he scoffs, reminding me that I’m still on the phone with my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.

He hangs up the phone and I sigh, gently resting the device back on my bedside table. I get ready for bed before climbing back under my cozy covers, scrolling through social media one last time before I decide to sleep.

My notification tab lights up, so I click on it, seeing that I have a new follow request.

adamboqvistt Confirm Delete

I stare at that in disbelief. After more than a decade of knowing my Instagram handle, and the fact that I’m the mother of his child, now he decides he wants to follow me?

Now he wants to get and stay in contact, just because he happened to see me at my job?

He took one look at me and decided he should be involved now. I told him when I told him that I was pregnant, it’s all in or all out. And he decided all out, so now he has to live with his decision.

I close the app in fury, setting my phone down and turning over in bed, tugging the blanket harder than I intend to. Hopefully tomorrow is better than today. Hopefully Adam forgets about me and our child, just like he’s done for the past thirteen years.

Holden is slipping down the stairs just as I set his plate of scrambled eggs down on the table, giving me a hesitant look, like he’s unsure of what kind of mood I’m in and why I took the time to make him breakfast instead of hurrying out the door like I usually am with a reluctant kiss and hug.

“I start later today, I’m on the closing shift tonight,” I half-explain, placing the bowl of cut-up strawberries in the middle of the table.

He nods, taking a seat across from me at the table. I clear my throat as we begin to eat and he looks up at me, blue eyes wide like he got caught doing something wrong.

“Winston and I broke up last night,” I state emotionlessly.

“Oh, uh, sorry.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“Can I ask why?”

“I didn’t want to talk about my bad day and apparently that makes me emotionally unavailable,” I respond.

He pauses. “Well, do you want to talk about your bad day with me?”

This time it’s my turn to pause. I could do three things right now. I could tell him that his father’s going to be in town for the next couple of days, giving him the opportunity to meet him if he really wanted to. Although he’s never expressed wanting to meet Adam, I’m sure there’s some kind of yearning in him to meet the man who gave him half of his genes.

Or I could lie. I hate lying to the kid- it’s not a value I want to raise him with. Plus, if he finds out that I lied, he would be pissed.

Finally, I could shut him out. I don’t want to do that, though. If I shut him out, when will he want to come talking to me? If I’m not willing to talk to him, it’s not fair to expect him to talk to me about things that bother him.

“I saw… an old friend, yesterday,” I say slowly, deciding to leave it at that. It’s vague but specific enough.

“My father?”

I practically choke at the words.

“It’s okay, mom,” he shrugs awkwardly. “I get it. That must’ve been hard for you.”

The deep blush on his cheeks shows me that he doesn’t want to continue this conversation much longer. I don’t know if it’s because of who it’s about, or because we’re talking about our feelings, but I don’t want to pressure him.

“Yeah. So, I’ll be home around eight o’clock tonight, I’ll pick up some McDonalds on the way home. Text me your order,” I inform him.

He nods, and that’s that.

I don’t know why a café is open until eight o’clock at night. Usually no one comes in past six o’clock, so the owner is paying someone to sit there for two hours on their phone. Around seven fifty-five, when I’m in the middle of turning off the lights to lock up and go home to see my son, the doorbell rings.

I curse in my head- what asshole comes in five minutes before closing time?

“Hello,” I plaster a fake smile onto my face, turning around to greet the customer. My feet stop moving.

His short curls peak out of the gray beanie, black jacket hanging loosely off of his body. His hands are shoved into his coat pockets and he stands at the door unsurely, deciding to take a confident step forward.

I compose myself, taking a step forward. “What can I get for you today?”

“Y/N-“”My recommendation is our house’s hot chocolate, it’s my favorite,” I give him a sugar sweet smile, relishing in the way that he winces.

“Look, I know that-“”Either order something or get out, Adam,” I break out of my customer service persona.

“If I order something will you talk to me?” He snaps.

I raise my eyebrows at him. “Are you really in the position to be making demands here?”

He sighs. “Get me that- what was it, a hot chocolate?”

“What size?” I snarl.

“Small.”

I grab the cup, reluctantly beginning the process of making it as he begins to speak.

“I requested to follow you on Instagram.”

I don’t respond.

“Look, I know that I messed up, okay?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” I mumble.

“I realize that,” he continues like I never interrupted him. “And I regret it every day, letting you and him- or her, I don’t even know what you ended up having, go, just so easily. I spent thirteen years missing all of the birthdays and Christmases and hockey games and focusing on getting drunk and my own hockey world. But don’t you feel like it’s fate, meeting again after all of these years?”

“Your total is $4.32,” I retort, setting the cup down on the counter.

“Come on, just let me meet him. Or her, you haven’t told me what you ended up having yet,” he pleads, chuckling dryly at the end.

“That’s because you don’t deserve to know. $4.32 please, and cash transactions are closed at this time,” I stare pointedly at him.

He swipes his card silently.

“Thank you, come again,” I state as I hand him his receipt. His fingers brush my own. The softness of them sooth the rage in my body, something I curse at internally.

I, so badly, want to be mad at Adam. I want to scream at him for missing all of our son’s childhood and my whole pregnancy.

But the worst part is that I can’t really blame him. He was a young guy, barely surviving in a league that sucks the players dry of everything they can give.

He knew he couldn’t give everything to raise the child- he knew better than to promise that he could do that.

I know he probably beats himself up for letting this go on so long- as he should- but I know that he’s probably ashamed of what he’s done and how much he’s missed.

There was never a right time for him to reenter Holden’s life. When Holden was a toddler, Adam still barely knew himself, as a kid Adam was teaching the younger players, and well, now- now Holden wants nothing to do with him.

Adam’s fingers glide gently up my arm, eyes double-checking to make sure the action is alright. It is.

It slides down to my waist and the other hand lifts up slowly, softly brushing my jaw. His face moves closer and closer to mine before our lips meet.

It’s like they’ve never left each other. They start out slowly, then move faster, more passionately. I tighten my eyes, cherishing this moment. Who knows when it will come next? The hand on my jaw moves down to my other hip and he tugs me across the counter, moving so that he’s standing in between my open legs.

“This is so unhygienic,” I breathe out as he begins to kiss down my neck. He chuckles, the hot air making me grow more and more needy for him.

“Are there cameras in here?” He questions, looking around- looking out for me to keep my job.

“No,” I respond, pulling his lips back to mine. “But we have to go into the office. I don’t want anyone walking past to see.”

He nods, grabbing onto the back of my thighs to pick me up. The office door shuts behind us.

When I see the, now cold, hot chocolate still sitting on the counter the next morning, I can’t help but wince, regretting everything that happened the night prior.

I just can’t resist when it comes to Adam Boqvist.

#NHL imagines #Adam boqvist #adam boqvist imagine #Adam boqvist x reader #hockey imagines #bimsure

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astranes · 3 years

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March 2021 for the signs - Astrology

Use Ascendant, Sun or Moon sign (but mostly Ascendant, let's be real)

Pisces: The month of march may bring you feeling of confidence and rejuvenation. You may want to do something to change or improve your appearance or the way you come across and this is likely to bring out a positive outcome. Use this time to set your goals and intentions for the next few months as they are likely to come to fruition and color the rest of the year for you. Heated arguments and increased activity are likely at home.

Aquarius: You may be focused on finding a way to organise your finances and to increase your income, and some unexpected windfall may be coming your way. Communicating in and open and honest way will come easily to you. You may be in the mood to have fun and express yourself creatively, and opportunities to form a romantic or flirty connection may very well present themselves to you.

Capricorn: This months there should be a lot of communication and exchange with the people closest to you, or in the professional sphere. You have a lot of ideas you need to share, and appreciate people who understand en encourage your sudden need for creative self expression. Short trips for work or social purposes can be part of the picture, and they are likely to be a lot of fun.

Sagittarius: You may be a little bit of a home body this month and prefer to stay inside. You might suddenly want to redecorate or beautify your living space in some way. Your home may be the center of activity and this is a good time to reconnect with your friends, siblings or neighbors. If you are in a relationship there could be some minors arguments arising, or just a lot of playful competition/fights.

Scorpio: Romantic opportunities may present themselves to you this month and you may want you let yourself be swayed. Your imagination is very well activated and any artistic endeavor you delve into is likely to make you feel content and alive. There is great potential for your intimacy sector to be activated. Try not to let yourself be overcome by fears and anxiety make an effort to deal with your anger in a healthy way.

Libra: This month may bring quite a bit of attention to you at work. Your presence is noticeable and you may get along with your boss or your co-workers. Your may want pay a little more attention to your health than usual as you are likely to be a on the lazier side and to indulge in sweets and junk food. Overall thoughn you are conscious of your eating habits and are able to control yourself. You may be motivated to learn about different cultures or languages a long to go for a trip overseas.

Virgo: Close relationships are in focus this month and you are likely to meet a potential partner, or to make an existing relationship more committed or serious. Business partnerships where both of you find a common ground and shared interests are also likely. Your career life could receive a boost thanks to your dedication and hard work, but be careful of competition and disagreements with authority figures because they could cause you some unnecessary trouble.

Leo: You may want to stay away from social interactions and keep to yourself this month as you are focused on transforming some part of your life that you feel you have outgrown. Finances and shared ressources are in focus and you may want to do some re-organizing and planning. As much as you want to be left alone, a strong sensual energy emanates from you this month and others can’t help but be drawn to you.

Cancer: You may be focused on broadening your horizons and understanding of the world this month. Foreign lands and languages may peak your interest and an opportunity to travel may present itself. If you are a student this is an auspicious time for you. Try to be smart with how you use your energy because you don’t have a lot of it and you may want to spend your time alone, drifting into your fantasy world, which is fine.

Gemini: Authority figures and bosses may be on your side this month, and this is a good time to ask for a raise. Career ventures can be beneficial and fruitful if you apply yourseld. Whatever you do, as long as you step outside your house, you’ll be noticed. You may be attracted to an someone older or vice versa. Your self confidence is through the roof and you are motivated to take the necessary risks that will get you where you want. Try not to be too overbearing and selfish.

Taurus: Your popoularity may increase this month and suddenly everyone wants to be around you. You might have the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with your closest friends, and may be looked up to by your peers amongst your community. A friend might confess their feelings for you or vice versa. You surely have a lot of motivation to establish a secure base for yourself and will want to go out of your way to increase your income in some way.

Aries: This is an introspective month for you and you may have a lot less energy than usual, making you want to spend most of your time alone. Use this time to recuperate and to reflect on the last twelve months. It is likely a time of endings as some things or people in your life do not serve you anymore. Some heated conversations may arise. Try to be careful with how you communicate and make sure you don’t come on too strong.

support me!

#horoscope #forecast #aries #capricorn #pisces #gemini #sagittarius #virgo #cancer #leo #aquarius #libra #taurus #scorpio

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tipsycad147 · 3 years

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Magickal Herbs & Teas To Get You Through The Winter Season

By Tia Johnson

“But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.”

-Practical Magic

The Winter season is a great time for going inward to do some self-reflection and honoring the cycles of death and rebirth. It’s also a time to celebrate the holidays. For some, it’s even a time to play in the snow and create snow angels. Simply put, it’s a very magickal time of the year when we understand what this season means.

But what about self-care via food? After all, we are eating more than ever during this season! From holiday-themed food to holiday-themed drinks, it seems never-ending!

What about consciously eating to stay warm and benefit from the magickal and practical properties? How could we benefit from that and what are these herbs and teas that are going to help us in this mission?

How To Benefit From This List

Below is a list of some herbs and teas that, when we consciously consume, transition from a seemingly mundane herb and drink to a magickal source of goodness to raise our vibration, help to keep us warm, and aid to boost our immune system. Consciously consume these herbs, spices, and teas by activating its magick through saying things like, “Rosemary, thank you for helping me with protection, love, healing, sleep, and mental powers.” as you are taking in its aroma and imagining it going through your body and your aura creating a vortex of protection, love, peaceful sleep, and better mental powers. Imagine what that would look like for you and what that would feel like for you.

I discuss the herb list in detail in my latest episode on The Spiritual & Empowerment Living With Tia podcast, Magickal Herbs To Get You Through The Winter Season.

where I provided a download for you so you can take it to the market and get the herbs and spices. Get the list at https://tiamariejohnson.com/winterherbs

As a reminder, the lists below are recommendations. They are neither substitutes for medications nor cures. Please consult your physician before you make any changes to your eating and/or drinking habits.

HERBS & SPICES

Rosemary

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Sun

Element: Fire

Powers: Protection, love, healing, sleep, Mental powers

When burned: Cleanses your vibration

Place under your pillow to aid in good sleep, reduce nightmares

Can attract elves.

As an incense to promote love

Have over door to aid in keeping negativity away.

Practical Properties:

A source of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory compounds, which are thought to help boost the immune system and improve blood circulation.

Can help improve memory performance and quality.

The aroma can improve one’s mood, clearing the mind, and relieving stress.

Rosemary is often used for digestion problems and loss of appetite.

Mint

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Mercury

Element: Air

Deitiets: Pluto/Hades, Hecate

Powers: Money, healing, Travel, Protection

Rub on forehead to help with headaches. My dad would rub this behind his ears as well.

Keep in home for protection

Can use it in spells for money, travel, and protection.

Practical Properties:

Tons of nutrients

Better breath

Helps with improving brain function and digestive symptoms

Garlic

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Mars

Element: Fire

Deity: Hecate

Powers: Protection, healing, lust, anti-theft

When eaten, induces lust or courage. Placed in home for protection

Practical Properties:

Can combat sickness like the common cold

Can help with blood pressure, heart disease may help prevent Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia

A source for antioxidants

Ginger

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Mars

Element: Fire

Powers: Love, money, success, power

eat before doing a spell to increase the power since you are heating up.

Use in money and success spells

Practical Properties:

Has anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties.

Helps with nausea and morning sickness.

lower blood sugars

Aids in weight loss

Reduces menstrual pain.

Turmeric

Magickal Properties:

Powers: Purification

Practical Properties:

Anti-Inflammatory

Increases the antioxidants

improved brain function

Orange

Orange was once given as a Christmas gift and meant wealth, good luck and fortune

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Sun

Element: Fire

Powers: Love, Divination, luck, money

peels and seeds in a sachet for love.

Peels in prosperity spells.

Similar to an apple, eat it, ask a yes/no question. even number no odd yes

Practical Properties:

Helps with Kidney stone prevention

Anemia prevention

Oranges are high in Vitamin C

Gut health

Cinnamon

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Sun

Element: Fire

Deities: Venus, Aphrodite

Powers: Spirituality, success, healing, power, psychic powers, lust, protection, love

when burned as an incense, raises high spiritual vibrations, draws in money, protection, increase psychic powers.

Practical Properties:

Loaded With Antioxidants

Has Anti-Inflammatory Properties

May Cut the Risk of Heart Disease Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease

Lowers Blood Sugar Levels

Nutmeg

Magickal Properties:

Planet: Jupiter

Element: Fire

Powers: Luck, money, health

good luck. money and prosperity spells.

Practical Properties:

Ability to relieve pain.

Strengthen cognitive function.

Detoxify the body.

Boost skin health.

Reduce insomnia.

Increase immune system function.

Improve blood circulation.

Cardamom

Magickal properties:

Planet: Venus

Element: Water

Deity: Erzulie

Power: Lust, love

The ground seeds are added to warmed wine for a quick lust potion.

love sachets and incenses.

Practical Properties:

Antioxidant

Lower Blood Pressure

Anti-Inflammatory

Increase airflow to your lungs and improve breathing.

TEAS

Ginger Tea

In addition to being a great healing property, starting your morning with ginger tea will help to keep you warm the entire day. Also, ginger tea also prevents nausea and vomiting.

Hibiscus Tea

This rich magenta tea has a sweet-sour fruity tang. Brewed warm, hibiscus tea has bright citrus and red-berry notes like a cranberry Christmas punch, or warm mulled wine. Hibiscus tea is packed with antioxidants, helps with weight loss, and fighting bacteria, among other things.

Lemon Tea

In boiling water, put pepper, honey, and turmeric in the mug – and the tea is ready! You can have Lemon and Pepper Tea when you want a prolonged immune system. It’s good to drink this tea as a detoxing agent as well.

Black Tea

Black tea also serves as an antioxidant. It may boost heart health. Lowers the bad cholesterol. Improves focus. May reduce blood pressure and sugar levels.

Hot Vanilla Chai

Vanilla Chai is a combination of water, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, cardamom, and cinnamon stick. All these ingredients provide tons of health benefits. If you’re feeling sick or anticipating a cold coming from the corner, make the tea and rescue yourself!

Green Tea

Green tea improves brain function, helps with fat loss, helps with protecting against cancer, and helps with lowering the risk of heart disease

Ashwagandha Tea

Considered a magic herb, Ashwagandha is also known as Indian Ginseng. It helps in controlling cholesterol level, increase men fertility, and reduces stress and anxiety.

Sources:

https://www.vitacost.com/blog/types-of-herbs-for-winter-health/

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/11-proven-health-benefits-of-garlic

https://www.dilmahtea.com/herbal-infusion-tea/herbal-tea-benefits/nutmeg.html#:~:text=Nutmeg%20is%20found%20to%20have,leukemia%2C%20and%20improve%20blood%20circulation

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-proven-benefits-of-cinnamon

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/11-proven-benefits-of-ginger

https://tealovers.com/8-winter-teas-keep-warm-healthy-cosy/

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/top-10-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-green-tea#_noHeaderPrefixedContent

https://blog.tiamariejohnson.com/magickal-herbs-tea-to-get-you-through-the-winter-season/

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acciostorian · 4 years

Text

what friend you are in the friendship group based off your fave sge character

tedros of camelot

-you give me the kind of vibes that you text the group chat about you midnight food order in all caps

-“GUYS I GOT THE FUCKINF MCDONALDS LETS FUCKIFNF GOOOXZ”

-*sends picture of random person to the groupchat* omg they/she/he are so fucking cute ejdjcjd

agatha of woods beyond

-you have to be persuaded to leave the house

-*rings up friend* is that thing still on today?... yeah?.... FUCK

-everyone hates that you wear all black during the summer, you’ve probably been told that looking at you is making everyone else hot

sophie of woods beyond

-you get jealous when someone else in your friend group starts liking something you like (ifykyk)

-“hottie at 3 o’clock. everyone smile and wave.”

-you pick where the group goes to eat. no one else is allowed to choose.

hort of bloodbrook

-you either send the weirdedest fucking messages, or you send really blunt, troubling messages to your friends at 3am whilst their sleeping with no follow up

-always getting left on read, or no one wants to go out with you because your idea is really weird

-the ultimate third wheel

nicola of woods beyond

-you have all the group chats on mute unless stated otherwise

-will not say anything in the chat for ages whilst it’s popping off, then’ll read all the messages and add something really funny and just leaves for another decade

-“no i won’t join the video chat. i’ve been fucking working on the project. what have you been doing? failing you fucking physics exam.”

chaddick of foxwood

-you’re good at sport and you always have matches so all your friend get pissed and are like “whhhhyyyy cant you come on friday? is it because if your sporting event? :/“

-either have to have the dirty jokes explained to you or you’re the one explaining the joke

-have some sort of catchphrase and/or you’ve said something really stupid in the past and your friends bring it up whenever they can

beatrix of jaunt jolie

-WHY ARE YOU UP SO EARLY???? stop fucking messaging the group chat at 5am. get help.

-you’re either healthy and you try to get everyone to get good habits or you have TERRIBLE habits and everyone’s just really concerned for you

-you’ll repeat something stupid someone said in the group chat but you’ll type it LiKe ThIs

rhian of foxwood

-you’ll go ia for DAYS and then you’ll come back and everyone will be like “where the fuck were you??” but you always have an excuse

-you’ve got some sort of god complex/call yourself a god/have really good self esteem

-you bully your friends in front of others but if one of them were to trip you’d be the first one to ask them if they’re okay etc etc

reena of pasha dunes

-the pretty friend. don’t deny it. some many people ask your friends to put in a good word for them and all that

-SO MANY REACTION IMAGES. instead of typing something or something, you’ll instead send like the fucking eddy hearn reaction imagin thats like “let’s say, hypothetically, that everything was okay” (ifykyk)

-please stop being so late to events.

kei of foxwood

-you constantly screenshot the funny moments and just scroll through your camera roll when you’re sad (honestly same though)

-you’re the kind of case where it’s like, you’ll say something at like 5am and everyone would be like “are you up so early because you went to bed really early or because you haven’t even gone to bed at all?”

-stop throwing your phone from hand to hand, it’s making everyone really uncomfortable

kiko of neverland

-you can’t start a message/conversation normally. it’s constantly “what’s up fuckers” “hello fellas” “what’s popping” “hey mamas” “hola amigos” “GOOD MORNING SIMP NATION”

-you’ll say bye/goodnight to the chat really early but then you’ll be caught active at 3am on instagram

-you’re so loud when you’re outside with your friends. please stop shouting things out of context.

japeth of foxwood

-stop sending people pictures of the sun rising. we get it. you sleeping schedule is absolutely fucked.

-you’ll send those ‘how well do you know me’ quizzes to your friends and block the ones that got the lowest

-sends something scary into the group chat at like 2am and scares the shit out of everyone

millicent of maidenvale

-*likes the message and just ends the conversation there*

-you just constantly spam the group chat with animal videos

-made friendship bracelets for your friends and were happy that they all wore them

aric of bloodbrook

-you’re that fucker that’ll be on a facetime to all your friends really late at night and then you’ll just scream down the mic.

-you’re the worst texter. so blunt/spelling things wrong/still have caps on for some fucking reason/SENDS THE LAUGHING CRYING EMOJI

-“i know it’s late, and you’re all probably still asleep. but i really need to tell you that i accidentally blew up [instern friend’s name here]’s minecraft house”

yara of avalon towers

-texts in full sentaces, proper punctuation, but still no caps

-always have such aestheticlly pleasing recent emojis???

-*sends screenshot of someone being disrespectful in someone’s comment section* will you please help me shut down this racist/transphobe/homophobe/fucking idiot

hester of ravens wood

-will be on a call with friends at like 4am then’ll say “hold up whilst i go down stairs real quick and make a coffee.” like what the fuck bro

-STOP LEAVING YOUR FRIENDS ON SEEN

-“who wants to play a horror game with me??? no i don’t care if it’s 2am and you’ve got school tomorrow, i wanna play five nights at fucking freddy’s 4”

anadil of bloodbrook

-only sends voice messages, too lazy to type

-you’ll go to sleep really early and then complain the next day that you missed out on the chaos in the group chat

-when you go to someone’s house your immediate reaction is to ask to see their pets

dot of nottingham

-*sees cat in the corner of someone’s photo* send up a picture of the fucking cate [insert friends name here]

-keyboard smashes, so many keyboard smashes

-“i’ll bake cupcakes, but i’ll put mustard in a few of them so it’ll be a fun game of who’s gonna be sick first?”

#sge #school for good and evil #sge textposts #this took so fucking long #did someone say queued?

49 notes · View notes

rokutouxei · 4 years

Text

filling in the gaps

theodorus van gogh/mc | T | 3603 | ao3 link in bio you are damaged goods, and there is only so much love can do.

⚠ warnings: attempted suicide, depressive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and cursing. please be careful if you’re reading this. ⚠

(a little vent fic for a bad dream)

comte had asked you if you wanted to go back “home.”

it takes all your strength to bite back the automatic retort: what is home anyway? the future you’ve thrown away? can you still go back to that? won’t doing so be like an uprooting? to be harshly pulled out of this little dream-like living in a mansion with vampires reality you’ve burrowed yourself into, back into the unforgiving unknowable of the time you once called yours.

you consider his suggestion idly, sitting on the plush chair in his room, watching his many hourglasses count the passing of irreversible time. your eyes fall onto the one that marks that door’s opening. you bite your lower lip.

“you don’t have to make a decision tonight, or anytime soon,” comte assures you, one hand on your shoulder. “you have to do what’s best for you. and whatever you decide, i’ll be behind you.” you can only nod because your throat is in a tight knot. “i’m sure theodorus will understand.” the mention of his name breaks your heart. comte stares at you, trapped in a corner with his inability to do anything more for you. “i’ll have sebastian bring tea to your room. you should rest tonight.”

“thank you, comte,” you manage to say, and with a sigh get up from the chair. something creaks and you don’t know if it’s the floor or your heart.

theo won’t be home for three more days.

for a week, you’ve been dreaming of asylums.

you move down the gray halls like a ghost, passing through doors, gates. you hear a stranger’s manic laughter at the end of a hallway, in a locked room. there’s the clinking of chains matched with muted screams from another. the clanking of trolleys with medicine bottles and syringes, accompanied by the footsteps of a harried nurse. she’s rushing to get somewhere, except you don’t know if she’s coming in, or running out.

the path in the building is winding and labyrinth-like. every inch you move inward, it gets darker. you turn to an open window and jump without thought. but gravity doesn’t pull you downwards; you land gently like a fallen flower petal. only here do you realize you’re translucent.

eventually, you find your way to the garden, the sun shrouded by clouds. people rush past you like they don’t see you. somehow, that’s comforting. that is, until someone in a patient’s green dressing gown begins to thrash and cry out loud; nurses, doctors rush out and press them to the ground, cheek to the dirt. a doctor pulls out a syringe from his pocket like a soldier would a sword, a weapon to protect himself, and injects the ill with something that makes them spasm, then quiet down. limp. boneless.

(you want to turn away but you can’t.)

they’re awake. the asylum staff begin to stand up, get off their knees, but the patient is left on the ground. if you squint hard enough, you see tell-tale stitches along the crown of their head; they look like they’re about to split open. the unnamed patient look up from where they’re pushed down and look up at you with familiar sunken eyes. they mouth: you’re next.

with the swift crashing sensation of being woken up, you realize where you’ve seen those eyes before. you turn to the mirror, wondering if you’re still dreaming.

you didn’t want to talk to vincent, because talking to vincent is tantamount to telling theo. but somehow you know he’ll understand, he definitely will, and unconsciously, you’re drawn to his vicinity as the whatever simmers coldly in your gut. he doesn’t ask questions—thankfully—and just offers you company.

theo probably already knows, anyway. after all, this has been going on for months. not completely terrible months, no, there were good weeks, great days. but the haze remains.

vincent is a kind spectator, patient, quiet, only really offering advice, words, hugs, when you show that you’re ready for it. you wonder if it’s because he knows what it’s like: can tell the signs, can figure out the clues.

today, you sit on his sofa with a book from the library. when you get distracted, you look up, watching him paint. he has a little vase of multicolored hydrangeas, a gift from dazai. vincent sprayed the flowers with water to give them a shine, and he’s trying to figure out how to show it on his painting. his hands are stained with ink.

the part of you that has loved theo all this time would have beamed with excitement, because there is nothing like vincent’s paintings, especially when he’s trying out something new.

but that part of you is silent.

you stare at his canvas with empty eyes.

you wonder how quickly will the hydrangeas wilt and die.

theo won’t be home for two more days.

when you started showing symptoms again, you hadn’t even noticed it. it was theo who noticed it first, and when he’d brought it up to you, you laughed it off saying you were only tired. but once he’d told you, it became glaringly undeniable.

the weight you thought was exhaustion. the worry you thought was simply from circumstance. the sleeplessness you blamed on coffee. the oversleeping you blamed on… night-time activities with theo. the trembling in your hands you blamed on the weather.

no. the monster you’d thought you’d left in the 21st century had followed you through a time traveling door. you can make a home out of a whole new time period and it’ll still follow you around. you’d never really escaped it. it only quieted down, long enough for you to think you were safe.

now you were not safe.

there are no pills here yet, so long practiced strategies for preserving what’s left of a shattered stability returns to the forefront. getting enough sunlight. eating good, healthy food. exercising regularly. getting enough sleep. for a while it becomes enough. getting out of bed becomes easier. things don’t seem bleak. for a while you feel the cold retreating.

until it doesn’t.

one day, theo catches you with your hands around your neck, crying, gasping, trembling, eyes red, cheeks stained with tears. wild eyes, like you’re seeing something he cannot. it takes him a full thirty minutes to get you to focus on him and on the present. it takes him another hour to get you to stop crying and shaking, to clean you up.

that night, you wake up on his bed tucked under his blanket, cold and alone. you open your eyes slowly and see him by the window, looking out at the moon, its silver light over his hard features. he looks terrified. it takes you a while to realize it’s because he’s already seen death in the face once, just on someone else’s eyes. someone he treasures too. and that… was like being greeted by it once more.

you decide, as much as you can, to never show him your breakdowns again.

you didn’t want to be dependent on theo. you wanted to stand next to him, and be strong, and help him fulfill his dreams, and build yourself a new one in this time.

you had so much planned for the both of you.

sitting alone in his room, in the dark, wearing one of his dress shirts with all but two buttons closed, under his blanket, you feel these dreams slip in between your fingers like fine sand.

theo has always been there filling in the gaps for your empty spaces. and he’s taken the role without complaint either. the spaces between your fingers are for his. the little hole in your heart filled with a love that refuses to erode. where there is doubt he fills it with assurance, and where there is fear he pledges protection.

so you say in exchange you will offer him your everything, but what are you in return for all the treasures he is giving you? he’s handed you the world, and you are damaged goods.

and there is only so much love can do.

you close your eyes and look at the clock. just a bit before midnight. you probably won’t get a wink of sleep.

theo will be home tomorrow, but it feels far too long.

do you know that feeling when everything has finally clicked and something you’ve long wanted to do has been made possible, the universe aligning things to your advantage and you feel invincible? today feels like that day, at last. it’s because theo’s finally coming home, you say to yourself. and it’s true, you had missed him. except something about that just doesn’t feel quite right.

but you appreciate the way your body doesn’t seem to fight you for every move you want it to make. you’re watering the flowers in the garden when your mind begins to float again.

grounding, you were told once. back at home, comte had called it. a place that feels like a million years ago, ironically, when it’s a psychiatrist’s office a hundred years into the future. activate your senses, focus on the present, let your thoughts go away with your breath.

the taste of the fresh air.

the soft green of the grass.

the smell of the sweet flowers.

the bright blue of the sky.

the sound of the birds singing lovely songs to each other.

you hold them together in your mind, but what happens when you can’t breathe?

your eyes open wide.

wind, you realize. you need wind.

already dressed for a trip out, you say you forgot to buy a welcome-back gift for theo, and you’d promised him something special. sebastian doesn’t quite buy your lie, noticing the deep circles under your eyes, but he lets you go anyway. you predict he’ll send someone off to follow you—napoleon, jean—but that will take time, and that’s enough.

you’re great at acting when you have to be. sebastian asks you to put on a coat and bring an umbrella, while he calls a carriage. there’s a storm coming in, he says. you better come back quick, master theodorus will be home any minute. you nod and smile and follow his orders obediently. for the first time in weeks, you feel weightless.

you ask to be dropped off at one of the galleries you and theo frequent. an inconspicuous place, you imagine, when sebastian calls the driver back and ask where’d you gone to. when, you’re sure. not if.

you say thank you as you get down and watch the carriage disappear into the distance. and then, you turn on your heel and walk towards the inevitable.

there’s a graveyard at the edge of town. past it, there’s an open cliffside, beyond where the forest ends. you’ve never been to that cliff before, but somehow it feels familiar. the path your feet forges down the dirt feels like it was made for you. you feel like you’ve been here once, in a dream.

when you get there, the sky has turned a dark gray, the clouds just about to burst, an impending storm. you breathe deeply, inhaling the wind that smells like sea and rain, filling your lungs. you linger at the hem of the forest, and should someone see you, they’d say you’re hesitating. you’re not.

you’re so excited your hands are shivering.

ground yourself, you were told once, activate your senses. you take your feet out of your shoes, jumping at the cool of the rock underneath you. steady unlike the swinging in your head. you take your coat off, placing it on the ground, finally feeling the full brunt of the cool wind. you pull your hair out of its ties, letting it loose in the breeze.

you feel so light. like you were made to be here the whole time.

why hadn’t you come here earlier?

one step, two. toward the cliff. the crashing of the waves seem louder and louder. it takes you a moment to realize it’s only because your heart has stopped drumming in your ears. calmness—you feel full, a good kind.

you can jump now. no one to stop you. jump now, while no one has arrived, you tell yourself.

thunder rolls in the distance. a flash of lightning. you step closer to the edge. not too close, but close enough that you feel dizzy. gently, you get down on your knees, just to touch the edge with your hands, as if making sure it’s actually here.

like you’re not dreaming this time. not a ghost, walking through halls. this time you are real.

this is next time.

your heart races up your chest instinctively, warning you of the possibility of falling, but you press your palm on your chest and shush it. quiet, heart—there is nothing to fear. the waves look beautiful—a deep, dark color, something between blue and gray, the white of seafoam in intricate shapes. the waves whip along jagged rocks at the bottom. they sound they make like a frantic parent, shushing a crying child.

the ocean is a beautiful place to die.

slowly, you get up on your feet. there is no more shaking. no more heart desperately begging. there is only you, and all the other parts of you that have conceded defeat. your brain races with excitement at the satisfaction of falling—of having the courage of jumping.

lightning strikes once more. then thunder. you tell yourself, the next time it flashes white, you’ll jump before the thunder calls.

seconds pass. you don’t want to wait, but you’ve waited all this time—what’s a little bit more? your mind is a traitor, flashing imagined worried faces of the rest of the people in the mansion. comte, who will feel infinitely at fault. sebastian, who had let you go. vincent, for not being able to save you even if you were able to be vulnerable with him. everyone else. napoleon, mozart, jean, isaac, arthur, dazai. shakespeare, elsewhere.

and theo.

oh, why theo?

sorry, you want to tell him.

well, you did. you think of the necklace you’d left behind on his bed. the engagement ring strung on it. he would know what it meant.

that’s why it hurts, because he would know.

and you’d rather spare him all this.

hondje!

ah, now you’re hearing him? this is unfair, you tell your brain. we’ve gotten so far, and now you’re sabotaging all my efforts.

hondje!

you take a deep breath, and your eyes are filled with white. lightning strikes in the distance, a go-signal from the universe. your right leg swings over the edge, and—

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

a warm hand curls around your wrist and pulls you backward strongly. you crash into solid arms just as the thunder rolls in with an unprecedented anger.

you only catch a glimpse of your beloved theo’s face, not enough to look clearly, before you’re buried into his chest, his arms around you so tight like he’s worried you’ll disintegrate into thin air if he doesn’t hold you strongly enough.

now stuck in the darkness, your other senses begin to refocus.

taste. there’s blood in your mouth. coppery. you must have bitten your tongue. it makes you nauseous.

smell. the cologne he always wears when he’s going somewhere fancy. sweat, like he ran all the way here. and that distinct theo smell that reminds you of home, like pressed clothes and fresh rain and love. it makes your heart twinge. you were looking for this, hiding underneath his sheets and wearing his clothes. you hoped it would save you. it didn’t. it couldn’t.

touch. why is he shaking if he’s so warm? he has an arm across your head, his hand in your hair, you feel his fingers press against your scalp. his other hand digs into your waist so hard you feel his nails. but the sting is comforting. and it doesn’t actually hurt much, it just feels… real. heavy. tangible. you haven’t felt this in a while. like somehow everything before this touch was just a dream.

and then you hear him. it takes so long, but then you hear him. he’s angry. but not in the way that makes you flinch, that scares everyone who dares oppose him. it’s that kind of angry where he’s hurt so bad the only way he can get it out of him is anger, and you’re breaking too. you can hear it in his voice, the way it shakes, the way it’s desperate to be heard. you feel it even if you don’t hear the words over the hum of your brain, a buzzing that doesn’t seem like it’ll ever go away.

you try to patch up the scattered syllables.

maybe he says “what the fucking hell were you thinking? what if i didn’t make it on time? what would i have fucking done? did you even consider thinking of that? godverdomme, schatje.”

theo doesn’t curse, never that much.

you wonder if this is really him. you wonder if you did this to him.

the part of your mind that is still self-destructing tries to escape his hold: the places where he touches you feels on fire, and deep inside of you a voice calls for the cool embrace of the ocean.

but you don’t find the strength to get up. if death was to burn in searing pain in his arms, then let it be: a penitence for sins you’ve done. for the hurt you’ll leave him breaking apart on.

except theo is cruel, and he will not let you die. when you drift back, he’s calling your name like you weren’t in his arms, but somewhere else.

and you were, somehow. you’ve long left this place, in your head. but you can’t not come back when he’s calling you like that.

silence.

the hush of the wind is all you hear. the waves. your mind goes quiet too.

you wonder if theo’s run out of things to say, or he’s figured that you don’t have the strength to listen. but he doesn’t loosen his embrace around you. for a second, you wonder if you’ve finally died, and you’d just not realized it.

until it rains.

raindrops cold like ice falling from the unforgiving gray sky. it makes you look up, on instinct, and when you do, you catch his eyes. you don’t know if it’s the light, or your own eyesight, but he looks back at you with a stare like a stormy gray sea that has watched many ships sink into its depths.

he’s watching you sink.

you’re watching yourself sink.

you do the least you can do: force the barest of a smile onto your lips, even if it hurts.

and then he cries.

you almost don’t notice because of the rain and how intensely he’s looking at you, but you see the hitch in his breath. his narrowed eyebrows.

his eyes.

at that moment, everything crashes down onto you with its full weight. suddenly, you are flesh and bone again. it’s sensory overload and you feel everything with great intensity: the icy rain dripping on your bare skin, the weight of your clothes, the blood rushing through your veins, the dig of theo’s hands on your skin, the cool of the stormy breeze.

oh, fuck, the weight of having to exist.

the back of your eyes finally burn with tears you’ve been begging to cry out for months—it makes you sob and theo pulls you back against his chest. like in a bubble, stuck in this small moment of each other’s company, the storm, the cliff, the waves don’t exist: there is only you and him, bodies together after what seems like an eternity of floating in the void.

you whisper sorry so weakly into the rain-damp fold of his collar you don’t know if he heard you. but it seems he does, because he presses a kiss to your forehead—chin rough with a light stubble, the sensation grounding you—

and whispers right against your traitorous brain, the one that always is out to knock the life out of you, “live. live. live.”

over and over again like a prayer, like if he says it long enough it’ll ring the same way the next time the shadow that sleeps in your veins wakes up again.

“live. live. live—”

fills the gap in the hollow of your chest with his presence. not love, not protection, no vows to protect. just his presence. two survivors pressed together holding on for dear life as the ship begins to sink, with the only comfort, each other.

your arms wind up around his torso, finally returning his hug, and it is only when his shoulders relax that you notice how tense he’s been all this time.

i can’t promise, you want to tell him, but your voice is lost somewhere, drowned out by the storm. you know with all your heart you are already knee-deep in your grave and you have no right making promises about this. i can’t promise you that, but i’ll do my best. so please stay beside me.

darkness begins to cloud your vision; the exhaustion, the sleeplessness taking over. you’re thankful theo is there to hold you up. far away, the sound of hoofbeats, your little 19th century found family coming to rescue the both of you and bring you back home.

yes, you tell your mind, before you drift into restful sleep, lulled by the sound of theo’s heartbeats. warm in his arms. this is what it means to go home.

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevam #ikevamp theo #theodorus van gogh #ikevamp theodorus van gogh #tw suicide attempt #tw suicide #tw depression #rating:T #not particularly a big fan of this one mostly because i still feel raw about it #but it didn't feel 'done' until it was out #so #here i go!#if you need someone to talk to! i'm here too :)#like not necessarily related to this but if ur feeling sad and all im a friend!!#fic

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bodiceketo · 3 years

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REFERENCES:

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https://ketogenicdiet-reviews.blogspot.com/2021/10/bodice-boost-keto-melt-fat-and-inches.html

https://groups.google.com/g/keto-diet-reviews/c/NAyU7XfGpsE

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/e/2PACX-1vTls1ak2JFGNh7aBGGHdgxXa6YBkKLj9D9QeY-wUx8jNLuSY7ud0JhXQ1fPpBY03N8mFmEBtKn0ifsI/pub?start=false&loop=false&delayms=3000

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alostdandelion · 3 years

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My covid Journey

It all started with an itchy throat that I thought would naturally go away if I eat spicy food, or to be exact, ramen. Disclaimer: it was a Saturday and we had gone to the grocery the day before where I bought around 6 pieces of chocolate cream bread from Breadtalk. Yes, I indulged myself with sweetness because yum. I ate what I wanted to, I even ordered buffalo and garlic parmesan chicken wings but that itchy feeling in my throat remained. PS: virus & bacterias love them sweets too. 😅

Sunday, after hearing that they'll put us under ECQ where even outdoor dining is prohibited made me ask my cousin out to eat with me. Yes, despite my throat being itchy. It didn't cause any alarm to me, as I wasn't feeling uncomfortable... YET.

After eating with my cousin, I went back to my place and spent the rest of the weekend watching or doing whatever.

I could still recall that Sunday night though, it was really warm I couldn't fall asleep. But then, suddenly, I shivered. I felt chills. I thought I didn't have fever, but that chilly feeling put me to sleep anyway.

Monday, March 29 - I usually get up at 5 in the morning but that day I got up at around 5:30, feeling weak which I mistook as being lazy. I thought I wasn't feeling well but decided to take a shower and go on with my day.

I did my thing as usual, but as the hours passed by, I started to feel cold despite wearing a sweatshirt. Usually when I wear that, I'd feel comfy already but at that instance, I was still shivering. I tried my best to avoid my officemate as I was afraid to infect her with my fever, if that made sense. I was totally avoiding skinship.

I was able to overcome Monday, and ended up taking Paracetamol before sleeping because at that point, I was well aware that I had fever.

Tuesday, March 30 - I still got up late, mistaking being unwell as being lazy. Damn I hate being lazy. But this time I had to take Paracetamol before going for a shower. I felt uneasy as I still had fever but I still went to work. Just wow.

I was alone this time which somehow relieved me. I was still shivering in the office despite wearing my sweatshirt, and had to take Paracetamol continuously as my fever was recurrent.

Wednesday, March 31 - I still got up late, took Paracetamol before going to the shower. This time I was worried. I had fever for 3 consecutive days already but covid didn't cross my mind, as the itchiness in my throat was gone by Monday, leaving only fever to deal with.

I still went to work because it was the end of the month but ugh, it felt really awful. I was shivering, and my nasal passages were somewhat uncomfortable. They felt dry and I had that feeling of catching a cold I decided to inhale steam from hot water. It was really awful I even decided to leave work early. I left an hour earlier because I wanted to take a rest already, to just stay in bed.

Thursday, April 1 - I got up late again. I was hesitating that time because I was really feeling unwell and uneasy. I still took a shower and got ready for work but the thought of walking to the office terrified me. I suddenly thought, "who will look after me if something happens on the way?"

I kept worrying about work, work, and my client. But... how about me? Who would worry about me?

I ended up crying. I cried real hard. It was around 6:30 already and I usually leave before 6 but at that time I was sitting on my bed, crying for myself.

"Nag-aalala ka sa work mo, kapag ba may nangyari sa'yo pananagutan ka?"

I dropped my bag and sent an email that I wouldn't be able to come to work, but instead, I'll come in on Monday. It was supposed to be a rest day but due to my condition I decided to just swap them. I thought I should really take a good rest that time because I was really sick. I even sent a voice clip to our HR manager because I really couldn't go to work that day.

I went back to sleep and stayed in bed the whole day. I thought taking a rest would result to my recovery but damn during that afternoon, I was crying again. I knew for myself that my fever was high. I couldn't measure then as I didn't have a thermometer but I knew it was because I felt really warm. I was even covered in blanket despite the sun shining brightly outside.

I was crying, I was saying whatever. Was it delirium? I was asking God and my late parents to just take me with them. I didn't like that feeling, and all I could do was cry and pray.

I was taking Paracetamol for my fever, I also didn't have the appetite to eat as I was nauseous.

Friday, April 2 - it felt the same. I still had fever, nauseous, I didn't want to eat but I needed to because I felt hungry. But this time, I was well aware that it could be covid and that I didn't want to infect other people.

I didn't want to trouble anyone, but I had no other choice but to tell our dorm's caretaker and ask for her help. She received the food deliveries in my behalf and brought them upstairs, to the 4th floor. I was really apologetic and thankful to her. The moment she knew I was sick, she helped me buy food and medicines, disinfectant, and other things I might need.

I knew I troubled her a lot. She had to go out a lot of times to buy the things I needed. I kept my door closed and wore mask when I go to the restroom. It was the least I could do. :'(

She helped me through those days of hardship. I still had fever, still nauseous, still no appetite, there was shortness of breath with little activity, and I was starting to cough. It was the weekend, when our HR manager decided to have me tested for covid. With me not getting any better, I admitted and accepted the possibility that it could be covid.

By Sunday my fever was gone but I listened to them and proceeded with the swab test.

April 6, Tuesday. I didn't have fever anymore but was coughing slightly. The med tech who did my swab test was a friend of our HR manager. She was kind enough to buy me lunch, courtesy of HR manager. The way she did the swabbing was gentle, her hands were soft and light it didn't feel painful at all. 🥺 thank you Mariane! ❤️

Right after being swabbed, I felt hungry I started to eat the burger meal she brought me. By this time I was feeling just fine I even drank the softdrinks. 😅 And throughout that day, I started to have the appetite to eat. I was hungry and craving for food. ❤️

I ate everything Jira brought me. Yes. She was bringing me food, healthy meals to be exact that was given by my landlady - her aunt. How thankful I am to have such caring and thoughtful people around me. 😭😭😭

April 7, Wednesday, my test result came out and it was positive. It was covid. Of course I had to tell them. They were all worried but I assured them that I was already feeling better, that I had passed the tough stages. 🥺

I actually hesitated to tell Jira as I was afraid that if she finds out, she wouldn't bring my food upstairs anymore but contrary to my worries... the more concerned they became. They even brought me warm lemon water, they even cooked soup and lugaw to feed me. 🥺😭

This went on, until this week, when I told them I was getting better already and that it's fine even if they didn't send food anymore. I felt shy already. 🥺 then our HR manager sent this food package because it was their birthday. Kkyaaa I was really happy while eating the lugaw because with every scoop, there's laman / meat! 🙈❤️

So as of this writing, April 15, I'm on the 8th day of my 14-day quarantine. How do I feel? I feel better, well, except for my growing wisdom tooth causing pain. 😅 But this pain is nothing compared to the pain I felt during that difficult stage of my covid journey. 🥲

I am still recovering, still eating lots of healthy food, taking vitamins, and eating sweets from time to time. 😅

My 14-day quarantine ends next week April 21 and I can't wait to return to work already as I can't stand the sight of my officemate being troubled because of me. 🥲

Always take your vitamins - twice, wash your hands, and do physical distancing. This virus is invisible, and could be just around the corner. I was complacent I forgot to wash my hands from time to time, lesson learned.

But this experience showed me the people who actually care for me. It made me realize that I'm actually loved and cared for. I cried a couple kf times because of this disease, but I also cried because I was thankful to have people look after me physically and virtaully.

How thankful I am that my case was mild, as I didn't want to further trouble the people around me. But imagine for other people if they get infected, some could get serious. 🥺

Thank You Lord for staying with me! ❤️

Stay safe and healthy! ❤️

Timeline 🥲

27 - itchy throat

28 - itchy throat / 12AM chills

29 - fever

30 - fever, mucus

31 - fever, mucus, headache, inhale uhhhh

01 April (Day 6)

4:14 - high fever

5:10 - medyo okay

6:19 - medyo okay nasusuka

7:13 - ang ginhawa :((((

02 (Day 7)

6:24 - sinat, sipon konti

8:19 - lagnat inom gamot, nausea

10:30 - gutom na gutom :((

11:21 - inom gamot. Okay lang.

4:24 - gutom

5:30 - lagnat

03 (Day 8)

5:25 - ubo, sinat?

8:14 - ubo, sinat

9:37 - antok 9:00 gamot

12:00 - ok lang

5 - 37.6

7:41 - 37.7

8:13 - 36.8

04 (Day 09)

3:36 - 36

7:21 - 35.5

7:46 - 36

10:40 - 36.1

12:36 - 35.8

2:13 - 36.7

3:07 - 36.8

4 - 37

4:53 - 37.3

8:26 - 36.6

05 (Day 10)

8:20 - 36

9:16 - 36.6

11:07 - 36.8

5:55 - 36.5

06 (Day 11)

9:10 - 35.8

10:30 - 35.2

07 (Day 12)

10:15 - 35.8

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astrolovecosmos · 5 years

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6th House and Habits, Routine, the Every Day 💅👩‍💼🍷🍕

When talking about habits it is important to remember this is a WIDE and varied topic! Many behaviors and activities can become a “habit”. A habit isn't necessarily a bad thing. Fixed signs may find it hardest to break habits or change routine, although there are some honorable mentions in here. When we talk about physical habits or compulsion it is useful to know what body parts are associated with the signs.

Aries in the 6th: Habits can revolve around stress and energy. Swearing, easily being triggered by something, reacting to anger can in a way become a repeated and practice behavior. Prone to irregular schedules, this person is the last you would think to develop a set routine or ingrained habits. Impatience and impulsiveness exist in their habits. We see impulsive decisions especially in the practical realm. Always being on the go, always being in a hurry may be their biggest “bad habit”.

Taurus in the 6th: Here we see a lot of the physical habits from nail biting to picking at your hair to different eating habits. This can be the over-eater or under-eater. We also see habits of indulgence from smoking to over sleeping. Set-in-stone shopping habits can exist here. This person tends to be very routine and their habits can reflect this. Disturbance to their habits or routine can cause frustration or nervousness.

Gemini in the 6th: Habits involving sleep can actually exist. With Gemini’s connection to restlessness this is a person who might eat right before bed, has a routine of always checking a certain site/app on their phone in bed, sleeps with the TV on, etc. Many connect Gemini to insomnia and some connect the Air element to it, so here is another source for having “sleep habits”, typically preventing them from sleeping. Having a scattered routine or always giving into multitasking is associated. Behavior is not focused. It can also be hard for this person to relax.

Cancer in the 6th: Here we see another connection to the body and habits such as eating too much sugar or fast food or hyper-focusing on an area of self-care. Even more emphasized is Cancer and their connection to emotions. Here habits revolve around how they feel. Learning to always react to worry can be a habit that is hard to break. The body and emotions are closely tied for this person. Their physical habits stem from what feels healthy or good. Habits may equal safety to them. This person can find it hard to leave their comfort zone.

Leo in the 6th: Passion is linked to habits. What does this mean? My own first thought is an individual who makes it a habit to get a rush, so maybe visiting the club too often or going out too often. Being regular with exercise can also fall into this linking with passion as well as a link to the Fire element’s need to release energy. We see a lot of “identity” and “expression” associated with Leo, so in the 6th House in terms of routine/habits this person may be proud of their structure and discipline. Their habits are more than a diet, exercise routine, or interest - it is their lifestyle.

Virgo in the 6th: Of course we are going to see a lot of routine as well as physical habits with this placement! Here is someone who must abide by their hygiene rituals and won’t stray from their diet. But bad habits can still form here easily with smoking, drinking, biting nails, picking at skin, etc. Changing routine isn’t actually hard but if an outside force interrupts what they have planned, it can be upsetting. With the critic of Virgo this individual may feel like they have everything under control in their everyday life OR at times they can be hard on themselves for how unruly or flawed their everyday life can be. One with this placement needs to be careful of tricking themselves, believing they have everything under control yet they still give into the “escape route” of fidgeting or vaping. Compulsion can be very strong here, especially with things like constantly washing their hands or counting steps.

Libra in the 6th: Balance is the game, but this can mean a compulsion to try to keep their routine and everyday habits to a limit. Almost like a critical Virgo, this placement can be very self-aware. Of course “compulsion” can go against conscious wishes. So really there is a hidden critic, hidden judge behind how they behave. Habits can center around comfort, socialization, ease, and pleasure, from eating a lot of sweets to always being the last one to arrive at a party (and maybe to leave). While this person can develop healthy habits like detoxing or meditation in their pursuit of a happy and comfortable life, they can become anxious towards stressful situations. Many common place stressors/activities can seem out of their routine and comfort zone. EX: phone calls, asking for directions, confronting a problem at work, moving, or traffic.

Scorpio in the 6th: Indulgence can actually happen here along with plenty of “fixed habits and behaviors”. Habits can revolve around control over their life and even those in it. So you can imagine this person wanting everything and everyone to be in their place, no crazy surprises, in a way resembling the Earth element. But unlike Earth, how this person feels can also shape their routine, making a moody “every day”. Habits within emotions can exist, especially being guarded and suspicious. Routines that involve self care may be inspired by trying to calm their fears, hush their anger, or escape from worry.

Sagittarius in the 6th: What routine? But everyone has their habits and typical behaviors. Here we see a scattered individual whose habits tend to be about releasing energy and learning or discovery. This person can go hard and then burn out or crash. Because expansion is associated this person tends to go large on everything, they can be indulgent. Slowing down and focusing is a challenge for them. Here is someone who always jumps in to new things, their routine is rarely stable, and can make a habit of taking on more than they can chew. Risky behavior can be a habit of theirs.

Capricorn in the 6th: Steady but with associations like “control” and “workaholic” we see someone who has a routine and habits built around work, practicality, and likely stress. Here we might find someone’s inner “control freak”. This person will rarely compromise on their routine and can find it hard to break habits. But with Capricorn’s adaptability they can change, but only if there is clear evidence that the change is beneficial to them. Being comfortable with negativity can exist here or maybe even being comfortable with “discomfort”. Because it is the Earth element we can see more physical habits popping up.

Aquarius in the 6th: Unpredictable routine exists here. Habits tend to be “odd”. Ex: smelling books, can’t stand odd numbers, etc. Because we many times classify “odd” habits or behaviors as compulsive, there can be some commonalities with Virgo in this house. Aquarius can live a life filled with activity and keep going and going until they burn out similar to the Fire element. While Fire is usually on the go physically, with Aquarius it is over-stimulation to information and people. Mental relaxation can be hard for this individual.

Pisces in the 6th: This is someone who can be sensitive to changes in their routine. They prefer a comfortable everyday scenario. Bad habits or really stubborn habits usually stem from an emotional upset. Food and drink are common in their lists of habits, which can range from drinking to excessive sodium intake to even excessive detoxes. Over kill on what would typically be looked at as “good” or “healing” can happen. This placement can actually be filled with many extremes, especially depending on their emotional state. There is something to be said about the start and end of their day. The feeling they have, what their intuition tells them at the start of the day sets the whole tone. If the feeling in the air is too intense or negative they may prefer to stay in bed and skip out on the day. If a bad feeling lingers at the end of the day, they may give into escapism or in a way try to “pause” their routine.

Planets

Sun: We see someone who “performs” very practically in their every day life. Stress, health, habits, work, routine, the mundane come alive with this placement. They are aware about the reality of their world and life. The Sun can be about our life force, here is vitality that takes pride in the simple things and every day tasks. This can make someone a worrier and stress is dealt with on the surface, making them seem more sensitive or maybe neurotic than they really are. Even with all this worry the Sun tackles stress or everyday problems right away, aiming for solutions.

Moon: This makes for a careful and guarded person in the everyday life. Here we see a homebody and possibly someone who worries a lot. The stress and restlessness of the 6th House makes it so this person is very receptive to outside stressors and stressful people. They tend to process and overcome everyday stress once they feel safe - usually in their own home and around family.

Venus: Has an association with being “married to work”. But despite this devotion can struggle to deal with everyday stress and challenges. Thankfully this person is good at avoiding conflict and pressure. The desire for peace and stability is shown in how they act everyday. They instinctively find ways to “beautify” their environment.

Mercury: Here we see a celestial body that clearly communicates the worries, stresses, complaints, but also goals and practical needs of the 6th House. This person has more of a focus on building up teamwork. They help others through communication somehow. This person can have a restless nature in their expression or an uptight nature. Stress is dealt with through communication and trying to rationalize things.

Mars: Energy and passion are in the 6th House. This person could be passionate about helping others. Watch out for a temper around having their routine messed up or habits interrupted. This is a position typically labeled as a “workaholic” but must be careful of burning out their energy too quickly. Their reaction to stress can be volatile.

Jupiter: Expansion exist in this house which can mean excessiveness in habits from over eating to overly washing their hands. There is self-indulgent behavior. This can be a favorable placement for dealing with stress. They have a carefree and optimistic approach to the daily grind. They may also try to find meaning or a lesson in their everyday happenings. They may also try to make spirituality or religion part of their routine on a grand scale.

Saturn: This can be a tough spot when dealing with stress. There is restriction and suppression in terms of everyday stress. They find it hard to relax. This is another “workaholic” placement. They are very disciplined and structured in their routine. Saturn also presents many lessons towards maturity that revolve around the 6th house. Ex: Maturity found through working, impact by coworkers, establishing practical goals or habits, and dealings with health from taking care of someone sick or dealing with an ailment themselves. Who knows, pets are associated with the 6th, maybe taking care of animals will teach them something.

Uranus: Routine can be unstable with Uranus in this house. Stress can either “turn you on” or “turn you off”. Pressure inspires this person at times and other times is discouragement. What is key is the people around them. They play off people’s energy, others’ competitiveness, and others’ drive. For Uranus in the 6th they need to be watchful of their social environment in the everyday and in their work space. Stress could increase a restless nature, can impact their sleep, and can impact their problem solving and ability to focus. This placement can also indicate revolutionary, odd, or innovative working styles.

Neptune: Here we see another placement who needs to be careful of the people they surround themselves with on a daily basis. Here Neptune can make someone hypertensive and impressionable towards their coworkers and people they frequently come into contact with. Routine is based more on fluctuations of mood and they tend to be forgetful about daily reminders, tasks, details. The details or strictness of routine don’t tend to matter, they want more out of life than the mundane. Could also easily romanticize elements about other’s daily lives. Can be unrealistic in their expectations for their day, their career, and future plans.

Pluto: I first want to point out that this can mean someone with a hidden side job or is secretive about their work. Pluto’s obsessive side can mean someone who is obsessive about their routine and can find it incredibly hard to break habits. A fear of change can exist. In terms of work this can be a reliable and ambitious individual but may be controlling in terms of teamwork. Stress can feed into their bad habits as well as a controlling or even paranoid daily behavior.

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revlyncox · 3 years

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Trees (2021)

A talk abut growth, hope, and paying attention to history

Revised and expanded for the Washington Ethical Society by Lyn Cox

February 7, 2021

In this place halfway between the beginning of winter and the beginning of spring, we draw on imagination and memory, caution and optimism, hope for the future and learning from the past. Many of these things are contained in stories.

I don’t know if the story happened exactly this way, but I believe it’s true. A sage, a wise person, was walking along the road and saw someone planting a carob tree. The sage asks, "How long will it take for this tree to bear fruit?" "Seventy years," replies the gardener. The sage then asks: "Are you so healthy a person that you expect to live that length of time and eat its fruit?" The gardener answers: "I found a fruitful world, because my ancestors planted it for me. Likewise I am planting for my children." I will tell you where this story is from because I want to give credit, but I also want to notice that this story has a universality to it, a truth that the beginnings of things we set in motion can have an impact long past the horizons of our own lives. This story is from the Talmud, a collection of rabbinic conversations on ethics and customs. (Talmud Ta'anit 23a)

We drink from wells we did not dig and eat from trees we did not plant (Deut. 6:11). Our physical, intellectual, and religious lives depend on those who have gone before. Following their example will lead us to plant literal and figurative trees for the world of the future.

I believe caring for ourselves AND others will help us sustain a shared life of meaning and compassion for a long time.

My first semester studying for my M.Div. degree in California, I worked at one college in the south bay area, and went to school in the east bay area. I enjoyed the fragrance of eucalyptus trees around both campuses. The dry leaves rustled in the breeze, leaves rubbing together like the wings of singing crickets. Some people were distracted by the sound and allergic to the smell, but I liked them. The eucalyptus trees were tall and graceful. One might imagine that they had always been there. There’s a story about those trees. I don’t know if it happened exactly this way.

The American West in the late 1800’s was heavily influenced by dreams of getting rich quick. Non-native eucalyptus trees were brought from Australia because they grew quickly. It was imagined that the lumber and oil would become quickly replaceable commodities for those who farmed them. They were promoted as ornamental trees for rich landowners new to the area and not used to treeless landscapes. Eucalyptus trees were all over California by the 1900’s, and were tested for use as railroad ties. They didn’t work out. Eucalyptus from Australian virgin forests, seasoned and treated properly, behaves differently than eucalyptus grown from seeds in California, hastily treated, and set down in the Nevada sand. Some of the railroad ties were so cracked they couldn’t hold spikes. Some decayed within four years.

The trees themselves grew like weeds. They did what non-native species are famous for doing: thriving in the new environment, edging out diverse native plants that provide food and habitat, with consequences for the entire food chain. An attempt at a quick profit turned out to have unintended consequences. Recently, there has been more discussion in that region about restoring native trees, but it’s complicated. To say that it will take time to mitigate the damage of an invasive species is an understatement. Then again, compare that to the 2,000-year growth of some living redwood trees. May we learn patience and commitment from slow-growing trees.

We strive to be among those people who have the hope and imagination it takes to envision a world of justice and compassion, a world of liberation and self-determination, a world of peace where people sit calmly in the shade of slow-growing trees. In our neck of the woods, we might imagine a world where every person lives in safety and abundance, with access to the shade of a Witch Hazel, Hackberry, or Redbud tree; the three logically native trees our Earth Ethics Action Team recently arranged to have planted on the WES property. In folk music and wisdom tales, slow-growing trees symbolize enough time for a generation to grow without being uprooted by hunger or violence.

The California eucalyptus story reminds us that some of the environmental mistakes we humans have made were decisions made by a few but using the resources and the risk pool of many. Another time, we can unpack the harm that white American westward expansion had on indigenous land rights and communities, and on the horrors of labor exploitation involved in the transcontinental railroad, and on the energy and resources that were available for white colonization but not reparations for formerly enslaved people after the Civil War. Understanding the wrong choices that have been made in the past may help us turn toward making better choices as a society going forward. We can play an active role in the governments, corporations, and organizations to which we belong and who act on our behalf. Let us embody these relationships for repair and renewal.

Contrast the rushed, climate-disrupting story of the eucalyptus trees with the story of George Washington Carver. I had to catch up on some of his story this week, when my kids noticed discrepancies between what was said about Dr. Carver in the elementary school reader on our bookshelf and what they had read elsewhere. Some of us learned in school that the most important contribution Dr. Carver made as a scientist was discovering and promoting new uses for peanuts, but this version of his story is grossly oversimplified and obscures the way his research and activism supported Black self-determination as well as environmental repair.

After he graduated from the Iowa State Agricultural College in 1896, Dr. Carver accepted a position at the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama. Riding on the train to his new home, he noticed immediately that growing nothing but cotton was causing soil erosion and depletion. He had scientific solutions to that. What took longer was figuring out how to empower Black farmers -- especially those who were being exploited as sharecroppers -- to feed their families, improve their chances for subsequent years, and still make enough money to try to get out of debt. Smithsonian Magazine quotes biographer Mark Hersey about the way Dr. Carver understood the problem:

“What Carver comes to see,” Hersey says, was that “altering [black sharecroppers’] interactions with the natural world could undermine the very pillars of Jim Crow.” Hersey argues that black Southerners viewed their lives under Jim Crow through an environmental lens. “If we want to understand their day to day lives, it’s not separate drinking fountains, it’s ‘How do I make a living on this soil, under these circumstances, where I’m not protected’“ by the institutions that are supposed to protect its citizens? Carver encouraged farmers to look to the land for what they needed, rather than going into debt buying fertilizer (and paint, and soap, and other necessities—and food). Instead of buying the fertilizer that “scientific agriculture” told them to buy, farmers should compost. In lieu of buying paint, they should make it themselves from clay and soybeans.

So ends the excerpt. Dr. Carver understood way before what we think of as the modern environmental justice movement that liberation and conservation are entwined projects. The decisions we make for our families, for our communities, and for the planet all go together, and they all benefit from remembering interdependence and the long years of generations to come. Honoring the very beginnings of things, continuing to work on hopes that are barely tangible, believing in the distant future, allows us to live into Beloved Community. White Supremacy depends on the hurry-up-and-profit mindset that brought cracked eucalyptus logs to the Nevada desert. Beloved Community invites us to consider what may come from a seed.

Strong trees grow slowly. Strong communities learn and grow and make connections to other communities little by little over decades. Healing takes time. Repair takes time. And for all of these, we can’t always tell that it is happening. In most cases, we don’t see the seed unfolding under the soil. Our senses are not adjusted to notice the growth of trees right in front of us. Sometimes resilience is about knowing in your heart that change is possible, even when the evidence is not yet obvious.

The nearly imperceptible beginnings of change are also a theme in the earth-honoring holiday of Imbolc. The Celtic calendar where this holiday comes from is rooted in the seasons of light and dark of the northern hemisphere and the agricultural cycles of western Europe. At approximately the same time of year in the British Isles and here in the mid-Atlantic, the middle of winter means that we can start to perceive the time of sunrise and sunset edging toward spring, just a little more daylight each day.

February into March is the time of year when lambs start to be born, vulnerable and full of promise for the coming spring. It’s still cold outside! One theory for where the word Imbolc comes from is that it’s related to the word for sheep milk. The lambs need a lot of help to stay warm and to survive. Yet their arrival shows the persistence of life. Sometimes resilience is about remembering that life is possible.

This is also the time of year when people who grow vegetables in climates like ours make a plan for the next six months, gathering seeds, starting a few indoors, and figuring out how to make the most of the soil and sun that will be available later. Making plans at this in-between time of year takes courage.

For earth-honoring folks in Celtic traditions, the goddess Bridget (and, in her later form, St. Bridget of Kildare) is associated with this early February holiday. In the legends, Bridget protects access to clean, healing water. She is also a figure of light and flame. When you put fire and water together, you can make entirely new things out of what you had before. You can forge iron, cook food, sculpt clay and fire it into ceramics. Maybe this transformative potential is why Bridget is also associated with childbirth, poetry, healing, song, and art.

There is one thing that newborn lambs, vegetable seeds, soup ingredients, raw iron, and future poetry all have in common: They don’t look at the beginning the way they are going to look at the end. You have to have some hope and imagination to believe in the transformation that is coming. You have to keep doing what you are doing, when the evidence for success has not yet appeared. We need to hold on through the long term, through step-by-step processes, through the discomfort of growth and change. And so another thing we learn at Bridget’s holiday is the need for commitment.

If we’re paying attention to a legendary figure of generosity, art, and transformation, it’s a good idea to listen to the voices of poets who figured out how to sustain themselves and their families and communities through difficult times. During Black History Month, we are reminded of many examples of poets and artists who showed and inspired perseverance as they provided hope and imagination about a better world that was not yet fully manifest.

Back in October, on Vote Love Day, we heard about the story of Frances Ellen Watkins Harper. She was born in Maryland in 1825 to free parents, was educated at her uncle’s school, and had published a book of poetry by the age of twenty. She became a full-time lecturer and writer, and she was an activist for abolition and for economic self-determination in the Black community. One verse of her 1895 poem, “Songs for the People,” [more on that poem here] reads:

Our world, so worn and weary,

Needs music, pure and strong,

To hush the jangle and discords

Of sorrow, pain, and wrong.

Harper was well aware of the injustice, economic inequality, and violence that still plagued the cities and towns where she toured. She didn’t fail to address any part of that system in her other writing. Yet she still saw a place for music and art. For Harper, poetry was not a distraction from building the Beloved Community, but one of the technologies that can help bring it into being. Out of intangible words and ideas are woven a network of visions that lift up possibilities for liberation.

Good things grow from beginnings that are not yet obvious. The forces that will become spring are already at work under the snow in the middle of winter.

On the Jewish calendar, we’ve recently passed the holiday of Tu B’Shevat, the new year of trees. This is a minor holiday. It’s been around for hundreds of years, yet more people seem to be noticing it as we learn to connect spirituality with care for the earth. Sometimes people in Jewish homes and communities gather to eat different kinds of fruit and nuts, to give thanks for ways of growing, and recommit to stewardship of the planet. In regions where it makes sense, Tu B’Shevat is a time to plant trees.

Clearly, looking out the window today, it is not the right time to plant a tree where we live. Nevertheless, in our gratitude for trees, we are reminded of the growth and the fruition of work that exist because of what has come before. The forces that create and uphold life and our ancestors who cooperated with them knew that growth and resilience don’t always look that way from the outside. They knew that growth can start with something tough or plain. They knew the importance of allowing time and of giving thanks.

We drink from wells we did not dig and eat from trees we did not plant. As a community, part of our task is to muster the hope and imagination it takes to consider growth and resilience over time. We think long-term. We honor beginnings of change, even when they are hidden or barely perceptible. Let us be mindful of the impact of our choices, now and in the generations to come.

May it be so.

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bronsonthurman · 3 years

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Don’t Underestimate Salad for a Quick, Amazing Meal

It’s summer time, reaching ninety degrees out, and no wants to cook. But some people will have chips for dinner because they are afraid of salad. Maybe they’re afraid they’ll go hungry. Maybe they’re still suspicious of vegetables. Maybe they’re afraid someone will think they’re, gasp, vegan. The horror!

Seriously, did we mention it’s hot out? We’re hot, we’re hungry, and we don’t want to spend afternoon at the lunch table when the beach is calling. We’re throwing together a salad because it’s good, it’s fast, it’s cold, and it’s now. Here’s a few reason why hungry people are missing out if they’re dismissing this humble but powerful meal.

An Easier Sandwich with Less Carbs

A sandwich is often held up as the epitome of a quick, handy, and complete meal. Honestly though, look at a sandwich: it’s just a salad with too much bread. Plus, you’re going to dirty a cutting board, a spreading knife, and a cutting board all before you even put your meal on the plate, probably more if you’re using proper cross-contamination prevention with meats and cheeses. Instead, just throw your ingredients in a big bowl, toss with a fork, and eat. What you say, you like bread? Us too--tear a piece up and throw it in after tossing, fork a piece before each bite. All the parts of a sandwich, with less dishes and a more reasonable serving of carbohydrates. Never forget to wash your hands properly when handling food--it’s harder to overlook when your ingredients are going straight from hand to plate.

No One Said You Can’t Have Carbs

If you’re used to a higher volume of calories, you might be concerned that a salad will soon leave you hangry again. If your experience with veggies is a side salad of iceberg lettuce, that’s understandable. But this is YOUR salad--go ahead and put something filling on it. One upside is you’re not limited to bread, the whole world of crunchy snacks is available. If you were going to eat them instead of a proper meal, you can instantly improve your meal by using them as a salad component. Many common corn or wheat based snacks are much healthier than you might expect, the main concern being less-friendly oils and a possible excess of salt--but check those ingredients, there is a world of difference between Fritos and Doritos, and some snacks are a garbage heap of fillers, sugar, and preservatives.

No One Said You Can’t Have Meat

Meat goes great on salad. Even better, a healthy portion of meat goes great on a salad--meat proportions in America are usually excessive for health or comfort. Keeping the meat modest helps keep you on your feet and on to your favorite activities, instead of sleeping your meal off on the couch.

Your favorite cold cuts will help you keep it easier-than-a-sandwich, or if you are a grill master, you’re in a great position to prepare and slice your favorite cut of beef or pork to properly refrigerate and add to salads over two to three days. The addition of chicken to a caesar is an obvious option, but don’t limit yourself. If you were planning to eat some wings, throw them on some lettuce. Seasoned wings will have all the flavor a few leaves in each bite need and picking up a wing in a bit of lettuce helps keep the seasoning in the bite and off your fingers.

I recall a sandwich customer offended that I would offer him “rabbit food” to go with his beef sandwich; it’s hard to understand how some imagine themselves to be “carnivores” as a diet, including myself as a young man in that category. You don’t want to know how real carnivores such as wolves or tigers get their balanced diet, but suffice to say, meat on the bone is not what they eat first. Trust me, you want your roughage in the form of fresh greens, not the way carnivores get it.

Salads Can Be Crunchy

We’re not just talking about lettuce here either, though greens do provide a nicely crisp bite. Those salty snacks we mentioned earlier bring crunch too. But that’s not all, there are a lot os suitable ingredient when you’re looking to add new textures to your salad. Some people like various cold beans. Corn kernels serve this role too, even outside of a traditional corn salad, though canned corn is not so appealing as freshly cooked. Just adding a cob is also nice, particularly with a unified butter-based dressing

If You’re Bold Enough for Hot Peppers, You'll Love Spicy Greens

If you’ve expressed a love for hot sauce, you should be eating watercress--it’s about the most nutritious thing you can eat, and it’s nicely spicy. This ingredient has somewhat disappeared into the tradition of the cress tea sandwich--don’t be fooled, this is a powerful staple food if you enjoy piquant foods Some paler varieties are less intense; the spiciest stuff announces this right up front if you give it a smell. Arugula-Rocket and mustard greens are also known

Dressings Are Indulgent Wonderland

It’s true some greens can have a bitter initial bite--luckily for us, we can sooth those flavors with dressing. If you’ve ever looked over a shelf of marinates in wonder, you’ve got a whole new world ahead of you. There’s probably a favorite you’ve discovered already, even if you were just trying to get through a salad that was forced on you. But don’t stop there! Where meat condiments tend to lean very heavily on tomato and soy, salad dressing is ahead of curve when it comes to foodie-innovation. Fruits are not as nutritious so much as they are relatively benign; a dressing can bring a little bit of fruit to the meal without replacing a lot of the nutritious content. Increasing variety has blown up the grip oil-vinegar-cream traditionally has had on selection with tahini, poppy seed, flavorful boutique vinegars, or other obvious ingredients back to the bottle. Just look at the ingredients. Sugar is becoming ever more ubiquitous and it can mute strong flavors, for better or worse. The key to a salad is balance--modest indulgence goes a long way to enhance a healthy meal.

Superfoods are Salad Foods

The Center for Disease Control has done an analysis of actual nutritional content per weight to focus attention on “powerhouse” foods, which it scores and publishes as a ranked list. High nutrition content is a crucial thing to consider, as contemporary agriculture has generally reduced nutrient density, making many traditionally nutritious foods less so.

Watercress sets the upper limit at 100 and every food scoring above 60 is a leafy green vegetable. Grapefruit defines the bottom of the CDC’s list with a score of 10. Kale and broccoli might surprise you by falling below 50, but all of the foods included are extremely healthy. Salad staples like spinach, romaine, scallion, cauliflower, carrot, tomato, lemon, strawberry, radish, orange, lime, turnip, and blackberry are all included. With the modest addition of carbohydrates and proteins it is extremely easy to make an extremely healthy salad.

Have the list handy in case your grandmother tells you these ingredients are all just empty calories and water. There are some very outdated notions of what is nutritious floating around.

Leaf Lettuce is Surprisingly Nutritious

One strike against salads is that healthy greens are associated with bitter flavor. Surprise, you throw basic lettuce in to dose your food with nutrients. Red leaf lettuce will be healthier, being more mature, but won’t last as long as green leaf. Romaine and even iceberg lettuce both also make the CDC’s list. So there is no problem finding nutritious greens even if you are looking to keep the flavor mild.

Some Tips for Greater Salad Success

Lettuces don’t keep particularly well--buy lettuce with the intent to eat it within the next three days, tops. If it’s much of a commute to the store you’ll probably want grocery day to start the salad part of your week, then switch to more durable foods in the days leading up to the next shopping. If you do enjoy bitter greens, these tend to keep a little longer. Red leaf lettuce is just riper leaf lettuce, so if you get a mix, eat the red leaf first.

Micro-greens are extremely easy to grow. If you have a window with at least 6 hours of sun it’s easy to place a window planter (inside or outside) and seed it to produce your favorite fresh greens in less than a month. Look online and you’ll find a wide variety of approaches to this, complete with tutorials.

Herbs are greens. Fresh basil, parsley, dill, oregano, cilantro--whatever your tastebuds prefer. Be prepared for more flavor than you’re use to compared to dried spices, especially if your herbs are garden fresh. Note however of the herbs I mentioned, only parsley makes the CDC’s list, but generally the flavor of herbs is so strong you’ll won’t need to replace much volume to get the effect.

With this in mind, there’s never a reason to miss out on a real meal, even when the heat makings cooking a non-option. Next time you reach for the crackers, swivel to the crisper and turn that snack into a nutritious meal.

#cooking #lunch #dinner

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finstermond · 3 years

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Witcher Ranch AU

Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer of Vengerberg

Ciri, Vesemir, Eskel, Lambert, Jaskier

---

Geralt gazed upon the vast grassland that belonged to him - or the horses, as he would say. It had belonged to his father before he gifted him his inheritance early as a wedding gift.

Almost hidden by the bushes grazed some of the horses. He could see two heads of adult ones and one of a foal but only one of the adult heads was discernible. A white mare - Endrega, he was sure of it. What a beautiful one. Her fur glistered in the sun as fresh snow. Riding her canter felt as if riding a breeze.

The Morhen Ranch bred horses for some generations now. It was his life, the only one he knew. The only one he ever wanted to know.

“Hey,” his brother Eskel disturbed his thoughts, “think you can actually hold the post or do you want to keep looking at the horses and make your wife jealous?”

Geralt grunted and readjusted his grip. Eskel sighed and struck the hammer on the post.

“Thank you, Eskel.” said Geralt.

“No problem, it’s my job after all. If your son can’t even hold a post up I need to chime in!” teased Eskel his older brother. “Ah fuck you,” answered Geralt, “you know his mother wanted to show him something today.” They walked back to their horses and put the hammer, the old posts they had renewed now, planks and the nails back in the cart Eskel’s pinto was strapped to. Eskel’s wolfdog Bann waddled his tail, ready to run back to the farm.

“She did?” asked Eskel while mounting. Geralt went up to his riding horse Roach. Originally he wanted to name all horses Roach - followed by numbers. Several people intervened. The brown mare greeted him with a soft snort.

“Yeah, she took all of the kids with her after school. They’re riding to see a plant that only blooms for a few days a year.”

“Flowers?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t understand your wife.” Geralt squinted towards Eskel.

“Rarely anyone does.”

---

“Daddy!” a wall of shouts arrived Geralt as he came back from the field. Eskel had taken a turn to look for the chicken fence. Geralt almost didn’t manage to climb down from Roach before a wall of children hugged him. Well, apart from his oldest son, Eric, who had a phase of being too cool for his dad. He had his arms crossed, smiled nonetheless and stood close. It was understandable behaviour being 13 and all but Geralt couldn’t stop being a tad bit sad about it. At the same time he mirrored his mother so much. A gaze that could kill, hair as black as the night, his smile. Apart from that his stature was more like his. He’d grow up to be broad and tall, Geralt was sure of it. The second eldest, Leo was 11 and like a younger twin to his brother. It seemed like he’d grow even taller for he was about the height Eric had been a year ago. Casimir - their third son - just turned eight and currently wants to grow long hair which keeps getting into his face. Geralt kneeled down to pick up Roger, their youngest son at five who was born hunched and tried not to groan. Gwyn, their only daughter at age seven - and a mirror to her mother in all but character - took the chance of her dad kneeling and gave Geralt a peck on his cheek. She had made her brothers flower crowns which all of them - except Eric who had it bound to his belt - proudly wore. Gwyn handed her father one sheepishly. “I made you one too!” she exclaimed. Geralt happily tried to put it on but his daughter had over measured his head and it was more of a necklace. He beamed nonetheless and walked towards the main house, children following him. Eric ran behind after he finished unsaddling Roach and let her into the paddock.

Nearing the house, Geralt smelled stew and got excited. With his free hand he opened the door, put out his boots and walked towards the kitchen. “I’m home!” he exclaimed.

Two of the kids detached from him and ran towards the stew and the raven haired woman standing before the pot.

Yennefer turned around and greeted Geralt with a fleeting smile and a kiss. The kids all let an exasperated “Ew” be known.

She looked him up and down, noted his necklace and grinned wickedly, “Your daughter thinks you’re bigheaded.” she said. The kids took off around the kitchen and Roger wanted to be let down so Geralt kneeled again to put him back on his feet. Yennefer turned towards the stew. Geralt hugged her from behind.

“Wonder if her mother keeps telling her that.” he said. She let herself loose in his arms.

“Might be.” she closed her eyes for a second.

“How was the flower?” Geralt asked.

Yennefer chuckled. “The auraris scenoloptis? Beautiful. Our kids got distracted by wolfbanes, moleyarrows, blowballs and ginatias though.” she told him. Geralt looked down on his necklace, made up of those flowers. “Yeah, right.” he said.

“I’m drying some petals and hope I can use them for a salve soon. The fishmonger's daughter needs some help getting pregnant.” she explained.

“What’s so different to using white myrtle?” he asked.

“Well it’s more potent in its aphrodisiac agency and acts as a booster to the female cycle by activating-” she realised Geralt was more interested in sniffing her hair than letting her explain in detail, “- in other words you have a couple more fertile days.”

“We didn’t need that.” he added. She turned towards him.

“Be glad, could have been different in another life!”

---

Lambert had returned from the city. His carriage was full of groceries, metals, fabric and leather. Eskel helped him unpack. Eric and Leo joined while Casimir, Gwyn and Roger had disappeared in the stables. “Everyone’s buying stuff as if a plague’s coming.” Lambert exclaimed. “Well maybe some are blessed with prophetic dreams or just like to prepare for winter early, like we do.” Eskel answered. Eric and Leo carried a big package to their storage house. Lambert’s two wolfdogs and Eskel’s greeted each other and proceeded to run around the cart and ranch.

Vesemir joined the unpackers, “Like we do? Those kids would eat those horses up in two weeks if we won’t buy food!” and kneeled down to pick something up which stopped both Eskel and Lambert to shout “Stop it!” and basically rip what he tried to pick up from his hands.

“Stop it, old man, you know it’s not good for your back!” Lambert shouted again.

Geralt and Yennefer, hearing commotion, walked out and soon were greeted by this scene. Vesemir put himself back up and made a sour face.

Yennefer called out to him, “Come on and help me inside, Vesemir.” after that she greeted Lambert with a quick “Hello!” which he answered with a “Hey, Yennefer.” She turned to got back inside.

In passing Geralt who sped to help unload he murmured, “My own sons don’t think I can do anything anymore and my daughter-in-law just gives me one command after another. I am not inept, I’m just getting a bit old!” Geralt patted him on the back. Vesemir had not been as quiet as he thought since Lambert quickly added a “I’ll be damned if there is a person one day she doesn’t order around. So don’t feel bad about that part.” which handed him a grunt and a sour look from Geralt.

Lambert shrugged. “Don’t tell me it’s not true!”

Without a word, Eskel threw something heavy at their youngest brother for him to shut up. There was silence for a few seconds. The boys returned and began carrying another package towards the storage hut.

“How was the town?” asked Eskel.

“Good, hectic. People are going a bit crazy. Emreis bought the Cintraen Stables. Ran ‘em out of business I say. I mean, crazy coincidences - Calanthe and Eist died a few weeks ago. Pertussis they say. Their granddaughter is missing. I mean she has nowhere to go, no family left anyways. Wolves probably got her. Hm. Old hag apparantly died. Can’t say I miss ‘er, had a few debts. Ah, I managed to have two of our foals of next year reserved. An Craite wants one of Alps and Foltest wants either one of Kayran or Eredin - maybe even both he’s not sure. Ugh Friday, finally!” Lambert told his brothers.

“Calanthe and Eist died?” Geralt asked.

“Yeah, pertussis apparently. Emreis already had a signed contract weeks before but I still get why people are thinking it might have been on purpose. Even more so that Cirenella or whatever her name was ‘s missing. You’d think they’d have prepared for it.”

They hadn’t been friends but lived in silent respect as almost neighbours and hearing about the tragic story around Calanthe’s daughter and her young grandchild had been the topic of many conversations with Yennefer. She had often remarked whether or not Pavetta was actually Vesemir’s daughter as a joke since Geralt and Pavetta had shared the same white-colored hair. Since Pavetta’s daughter was born a bastard with no known father it had led to some distressing silence.

“Hm.”

---

After having everything from Lambert’s shopping trip stored and packed where it belonged, they ate. Having ten mouths to feed was not something Yennefer ever imagined to do but she did it with glee - and she didn’t have to do it daily since both Lambert and Vesemir loved to cook. Geralt was good at it but he would rather feed the horses daily than his children, to put it briefly. “Horses don’t play with their food.” he’d say to Yennefer as an excuse not to cook. “Well then I won’t play with your meat!” was the whispered reply that usually took great effect.

Lambert told tales of the city with his nephews and his niece hung on his lips while eating.

Geralt only scooped a few spoons in, his mind occupied with the child of Pavetta. Only Roger who had snuck in the pantry and stolen some sweet pie and therefore wasn’t quite as hungry as his siblings noted his father being absent and tried to smile at him. Yenenfer who kept an extra eye on her criminal son to check whether he was eating anything healthy at all thus noticed Geralt being absent minded. He felt her gaze and looked up towards her. They exchanged a few facial expressions as married folk tend to do and Yennefer understood he would come up to her with it in time but later.

Yennefer returned to give Roger a stern gaze and he hastily put another spoon full of stew into his mouth, then smiled, mouth full of stew at her.

---

Beer in hand, children in bed, freshly bathed Geralt stood next to the fireplace. Vesemir was dozing off in his rocking chair. His ale stood beside him on the ledge.

Roger had a phase of direly needing his mom to sleep and while Geralt had read them all a story it was Yennefer who was needed to hold Rogers hand until he slept right now. Sometimes she dozed off too and then came up later to the parlor.

Eskel and Lambert washed up, he could hear their voices softly getting to his ear. They would drink a quick beer together, then go to their houses. Eskel as the ranch’s smith above his furnace and Lambert next to the storage hut. Vesemir took turns sleeping at Eskel’s or in his house which was way smaller and originally planned as a guest house. On colder nights he stayed at Eskel’s.

Originally they had all slept in the main house but with one child after another place grew scarce soon. And then again Geralt and Yennefer were grateful for every bit of privacy.

Geralt was still recovering from a leg injury he got when taming last year's horses. He had taken the children with him. Leo and Casimir almost got in harm's way when they groomed an already tamed horse of theirs, Morvudd, and his wild horse almost crashed into the other one. Morvudd jumped and left space for the wild one to crash into Leo and Casimir so Geralt got it to turn again and crash into a splintered fence, causing his leg to cut open.

The children had been horrified of course. Eric and Leo quickly ran back home to get help from their mother. It was resolved rather fast but since then his leg wasn’t healed completely and his duties on the ranch got split and taken over by his family.

After a while Eskel and Lambert came into the parlor and laughed at their sleeping father “No, I am not getting old.” Lambert mimicked his tone of speech and they all chuckled. They drank their beer and then wished each other good night. Eskel woke Vesemir and they left together. Geralt sat down into the rocking chair when he heard steps coming downstairs.

“Look who’s still awake.” he said with a low voice.

“Ha-ha.” Yennefer fake laughed. “Your son was scared you’re still hurting and cannot eat because of this.” she explained and then yawned.

She sat on his lap, carefully avoiding his hurt leg and began stroking his beard. No words were needed, no further inquiring.

“Lambert told us about Calanthe and Eist dying.” he began. He began caressing her back.

“Cintrean Stables?” she asked while closing her eyes. He nodded. “Yes, he said Emreis bought it. Didn’t mention they died though. What about -” he cut her off.

“Went missing, he said. She has no family left. She’s probably just a thorn in Emreis’ eyes.” Geralt added. Yennefer turned to look at him. “You...?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know do you…?”

She smiled, “What’s one mouth more to feed?”

One moment in silence then they started giggling. “Oh, Eric’s not gonna like this.”

Geralt looked towards the fire, sad about this prospect. Yennefer turned her body more towards him. “Hey. He’s having a phase. Just like Roger who needs me to sleep right now because he thinks if I am not there monsters will come. Eric is in a phase where he thinks he doesn’t need his dad and can protect himself from all the monsters in the world. The boys in school teased him because he told so much about you in school and then you got hurt even though being immortal according to Eric, the teacher told me.”

“Oh.” Geralt’s eyes widened.

“Geralt, it’s not your fault.” Yennefer tried to reassure him. “It’s a phase. He will get over it soon enough and then it’ll be me he hates. He’s starting puberty. It’s gonna be - fun.”

“Fun.” Geralt repeated.

“I need to convince myself or else I am gonna get crazy. We really had five children in eight years which means that they’re gonna be pubescent at the same time at one point.”

They both stared into the fire.

“It’s gonna be six children, Yen.” Geralt remarked. Yennefer smiled, then her gaze saddened. “We’re gonna have to find her first.”

---

They were awoken by a loud stomps on the stairways and shrieks of playing fetch. Yennefer went from sleeping to a commanding tone in mere seconds. “No running on the stairs!” she shouted, silence followed, quickly to be exchanged with a trail of steps running towards the two of them who had slept on the rocking chair, covered in fur and a quilt.

“Mommy! Daddy! Good morning!” they exclaimed and threw a ball between them. A game Geralt didn’t get the rules of. “We don’t have to get the rules,” Yennefer once explained to him, “what’s important is a) that they’re playing at all b) they are playing together and c) they’re letting us be for five minutes”.

They got forehead kisses from their parents - even Eric who Geralt just grabbed and pulled towards him. Yennefer saw Eric smile afterwards and was reassured he just had a phase.

Breakfast was bread with cold meat and jam. And telling their children about the plan of adopting another child.

“She doesn’t have a family anymore - do you guys think we could be that for her?” Yennefer asked the children.

“But who is gonna protect her if Daddy’s away? I already have to protect all of them. And you!” Eric got worked up.

“First of all, I am perfectly capable of protecting myself and you,” Yennefer got serious, “second of all, your father has a job that means he has to stay with the herds several nights in a row. It’s not as if he’s gone forever or will leave forever. He’s never going alone and won’t ever go alone. And third of all, we are fine. I know you hear a lot of the jokes Lambert makes about you guys eating everything up one day but no it’s not the truth. We have enough for all. Hell, we would have enough if Lambert and Eskel finally got a -”

Geralt stopped Yennefer. “I think it’s okay now, Yen.”

Eric looked a bit beat down and angry at the same time, Geralt wondered why he hadn’t left yet but he guessed Eric was too proud for that.

“Hey buddy,” Geralt started, “I know you’re feeling a bit like I am not your friend anymore these days but I am. I don’t know what I did to make you feel this way but this is between us and shouldn’t -”

“Yeah yeah I know. Just keep on getting more children like I am not enough!” Eric stormed off, closing the door behind him by smashing it. Yennefer looked as shocked as rarely ever before.

Eskel peeked into the parlor. “Your son just crashed into me and then ran off? Are you alright -” he saw Yennefer's expression, Geralt being quite unhappy and the other children mildly confused. “Okay. I guess not. Uh. I will look for Lambert.” he left again.

Leo, after holding a “conference” with his siblings and being the eldest with Eric’s vanishing, told his parents that they were alright with another sister, should she “wish to join, be okay to make flower crowns, race towards the forest and back, accept the rules of ball-throw-game” and, most importantly the task they all hated but someone had to do “help folding bed sheets” which had Yennefer and Geralt fall out of their moment of shock and return to smiling. “Sure. We will present her with your demands.” Geralt told his son.

---

“Are you sure you won’t rather take the carriage?” Yennefer asked as Geralt mounted Roach. Vesemir already sat on his horse, a white gelding.

“Yes, Yen. We will be faster that way. She is alone out there and every minute might count.”

“I just worry-” Yennefer got interrupted by Vesemir: “His leg won’t fall off and I may be older than you all but I can ride a horse faster than you all can. Now stop being cheesy and give him a goodbye kiss.”

Yennefer did, presented Vesemir with a stern gaze and then waved them goodbye with the children, up until they got bored doing so.

Geralt and Vesemir took on a quick trot and reached the town soon after high noon. The town hall delivered a quick message in the form of Julian Alfred Pankratz alias Jaskier, one of the council members. “Geralt! Vesemir!” he exclaimed , “it is nice seeing you here!”. He came closer, leaving a waiting and now angry couple waiting for their meeting behind. “How is your leg? How are your children? How is… the witch doing?” Vesemir laughed at that last remark. “How are you, old man?” he asked Vesemir who visibly didn’t like being called ‘old man’. Geralt smirked at that, had he been okay with his wife getting insulted seconds before.

“Getting better each day, getting bigger each day, getting more beautiful each day.” Geralt answered. Jaskier shrugged. “Wow I really need to visit again.” he said.

“Yes, they miss their uncle.” said Vesemir. “And to be frank we could use a day of singing again.” Jaskier beamed.

“We’re here because of Pavetta’s child though.” Geralt chimed in.

“Who?” asked Jaskier.

“You know the child of surprise.”

“Ah. Sure. What a tragic story, isn’t it? I really need to make it a song. ‘Last flower of Cintra’, maybe? Hm. Sounds too floral. Lion? They had lion decor. But they still were a ranch. Rose? Yeah yeah sounds better. What are the odds of both grandparents dying mere days from each other?”

“Jaskier.” Geralt cut his evasions short.

“Right. Cirilla. What about her?”

“Lambert said she went missing and doesn’t have a family.” Geralt explained.

“Well at least the family part is true.” Jaskier said.

“What do you mean?”

“She doesn’t have any further family. Well except - surprisingly - a father should surface,” he noticed Geralt's stern look, “but no she doesn’t have any living family and no one willing or possible to take her. Alas she is not missing - okay yes she went missing for a quick moment but was quickly found and lives with the teacher for now.”

“Oh.” Vesemir and Geralt shared a look. They both were glad she was sfe for now.

“We spoke about maybe taking her in,” Geralt stated, “can I meet her?”

“Sure,” said Jaskier, “just maybe bring Yennefer next time. The council decided we would only let someone take her in after both had met them. You know it didn’t go well with the Jaromir boy last time and now he’s living on Emrais Ranch getting fed lies about how inept we are. And Emrais hasn’t even adopted him. I think it’s a bunch of kids just living off the ranch’s supplies.” Geralt wasn’t so sure that was the whole truth but he didn’t care.

“I think it’s best we ride back, Geralt. You and Yennefer can still ride back here today and meet her then. It’s no use going there alone. You shouldn’t make the decision yourself anyways. Would have been different if she still ran around in the forest.” Vesemir opined. Jaskier nodded consensual. “Yes I won’t be here for long anymore but you know where to meet me. I will have the papers ready should you decide to take her in.”

---

Yennefer and Geralt rode as fast as the wind. Her black stallion was called Aretuza and one of the fastest in the bunch. Roach had been tired out so he took Plotka, another brown mare.

“Remember when we got married in the town?” Yennefer smiled.

“Barely.” Geralt answered. Yennefer's smile vanished.

“You’re teasing me!” she turned sour. Geralt’s eyes widened in glee.

“Yen, I am just reminding you of the time you told me you were pregnant.”

“Oh,” she laughed, “I remember, you didn’t recall our wedding at first. To be fair they had you quite… drunk at the end of the night.”

The conversation had been barely a week after their wedding. Istredd, a study friend of Yennefer who didn’t make it to the wedding, congratulated them and then, after winking at both of them for seeing Yennefer's situation, asked whether they had chosen a name already. After he left Geralt asked her for what he congratulated. She had told him that they had wed which got Geralt confused.

“I wore white and had flowers? All our friends and family were there? You wore a dress shirt? You said ‘I do!’?”

His answer back then didn’t stem from being reluctant rather than actually not knowing what had been going on. “How was I even supposed to know? You always smell of lilac, wear white, black or black and white - also I still can’t believe any day I wear those horrible fancy clothes is a chance you take? I honestly thought it was a normal sunday. I mean okay, the drinking got out of hand but it happens, right?”

“Please tell me you at least remember what we need a name for?” Yennefer had asked, getting aggravated. His eyes had grown even more panicked.

“A horse?” Geralt had asked, confused.

“I’m seven months pregnant, Geralt.”

“Fuck.” Anxiety over having an unwanted child had now grabbed Yennefer. “We don’t have a name,” He took her into a deep hug and then started kissing her, “But well we have about two months, still.” Between her tears, Yennefer still had managed to laugh.

“I still can’t believe I forgot most of our wedding. It sucks to be honest.”

“At least you feel bad about it,” Yennefer said, “and I am so glad you didn’t suggest ‘Roach’ as a name in that moment. We wouldn’t have made a week of marriage.”

“I know.” he answered.

It was late afternoon when they rode into the town. Jaskier told Geralt he would alert the teacher of the situation and he would expect them at their home. The teachers house was small by comparison to the ranch but right next to the school which had its own advantages. They knocked on the door and were greeted by the teacher's wife and one of their children.

“Ah, Geralt and Yennefer. Come in!” she said and made room. As they walked in she asked a lot of questions about the room size for the children, how old they were, whether they were healthy. Geralt made some remarks about the size of the ranch to make known that some worth lied there. The teacher’s wife openend the door to the parlor where the teacher sat with Cirilla and one of their children. Cirilla looked about eight, was dressed in a blue dress and had white hair. Yennefer and Geralt exchanged a look and almost began to laugh. At first sight she looked more like his child than any of his did. Cirilla locked eyes with them and after everyone greeted each other and Geralt and Yennefer told her who they were she greeted them with: “I am Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon but you can call me Ciri. Will you take me with you now?”

She stood before them smiling sheepishly. “We could if you want to? We have a ranch with horses.” Geralt told her.

“And we have five children.” Yennefer added, asking herself why he always had to mention the horses before his children.

Ciri nodded.“Yes Jaskier has already told me about all that. Mr. Teacher has already explained to me that I cannot stay here.” she told them.

“I think we’re settled then? I am sure you will love our home.” Yennefer said, beaming while doing so. Ciri seemed to warm up quickly and they hoped it wouldn’t stop once meeting the wall of children they had at home. Her bag was packed quickly since she didn’t have a lot of stuff. Most important was the stuffed lion her grandmother gifted her which she held firmly.

“Can I ride with you?” she asked Geralt.

“Sure.” he smiled as he answered and promptly placed her on Roach who whinnied.

They talked about some basic stuff on the way back home. Her favorite food, color, animal. Stuff to get to know her and ease her into a situation she seemed to accept rather quickly.

---

Back on the Ranch they were greeted by all of them including the dogs standing together and waving. Geralt and Yennefer stopped their horses and got down. The children came nearer but were pretty shy. Eric stood before his siblings and greeted Ciri first. “Hey Ciri, I am Eric.” he said. Lambert and Eskel fist bumped which meant they prepared him for this moment. Geralt gave them a quick thumbs up. Everyone greeted Ciri who stood next to a squatting Yennefer. Ciri whispered in her ear “How am I supposed to remember all of those names?” Yennefer giggled once, then said “Don’t worry you can always ask, we won’t bite.”

Ciri nodded, still a bit unsure of the situation.

Lambert exclaimed: “Who’s hungry? I cooked.”

Geralt then noticed he hadn't eaten all day. His stomach growled, “I am hungry.” he said just as Ciri bravely expressed her hunger as well.

“Follow me!” said Lambert and the whole bunch followed him put.

Vesemir walked up to Geralt. “Sure it wasn’t you that got Pavetta pregnant?”

In another life, Yennefer's anger could kill people as easily as a storm. We’re glad it’s not this.

#witcher #the witcher #no beta we die like calanthe #geralt x yennefer #geralt of rivia #yennefer of vengerberg #geralt #yennefer

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toloveawarlord · 4 years

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Black Army Mischief Maker (Ch.3)

You can find chapters 1 &2 in my masterlist in my bio!

Characters: Finley Godspeed and Black Army

Tagging: @plumpblueberry and @christmaswarlock for their love of this Godspeed child.

A/N: Finley is back at it again. If you want to learn some elephant facts, this is the place. Finley knows whats up.

Someone new had arrived at headquarters.

Not a member of the army. A woman that the young Godspeed had never seen before. Someone that needed their protection. As such, a room needed to be prepared, and the only one available needed to be fixed up. Finley had begged to tag along into Central Quarter on the shopping trip.

It turned out to be quite more boring than she’d imagined.

Seth meticulously began his search for the right sheets, comforter, and even the cushions to be on the couch. Reaching their tenth store, Finley began to drag her feet. “This isn’t the adventure that I thought it would be.” Falling forward to rest her forehead against his leg, she poked at the holstered gun for entertainment. It swung slightly, reminding her of a pendulum.

“I told ya this wasn’t going to be fun this time, bug,” Fenrir answered with a pat to her head. No amount of explanation before they left had swayed the child from wishing to come with them. He chuckled at her dramatic whine and fascination with the holster. “Hey, I know. Why don’tcha pick somethin’ out for Alice. It might make her feel more welcome.”

Give her a task and three... two... one...

Instant results. Finley gave a small gasp and her feet became spring loaded as she bounced uncontrollably in place. “I can? I can pick her something out? Anything I want?”

It took one nod of approval for her to set off further into the store in search of the perfect item to give to their new guest. Anything chosen would be vetted by Seth. It must match the decor and color scheme of the bedroom.

The store employees had a front row seat to free entertainment. Around and around, Finley circled, and weaved past displays of trinkets. Occasionally, she leaned in to study an object before shaking her head and continuing her search. Standing up on her tiptoes, she carefully took the glass item off the shelf and returned to her father’s side. “This one. It’s the one I want to give Alice,” Finley stated, cradling with both hands as if it would break at any moment.

The Ace of Spades cast a curious gaze down at her but broke out in a wide grin. He ruffled her short hair and voiced his approval. “It’s perfect, bug.”

****

Seth spent way too much time decorating the room. Finley remained grateful that she could not help and patiently waited on the couch where she could cause no trouble. The soldiers at the mercy of the ten of spades were under intense scrutiny. One millimeter off from Seth’s vision and they received an ear full. The moment it ended, they scurried off to escape their strict supervisor.

“You did all this for me?” Alice asked, arriving with Fenrir at her side. Her steps into the room slow and eyes wide to take in the beautiful result. She’d insisted that they didn’t need to redecorate the space but lost to the relentless army leaders.

Finley climbed to her feet on the couch, holding out the small gift bag towards the woman with the biggest smile. “I bought this for you! Welcome to Black Headquarters! We have lots of fun here and you’ll be safe!” From Ray had told her, Alice had nowhere to go and needed their protection. He didn’t say from what, but Finley knew there was no place safer than here.

Alice accepted the gift and pulled the glass trinket from within. Up in the light, she observed the pale blue elephant. It matched the colors in the bedroom, but how this particular object had been chosen alluded the woman. “Thank you, it’s quite beautiful,” her warm words paused with realization, “I’m sorry, I never asked your name. I’m Alice.”

“I’m Finley. I’ve been reading a book about elephants and they are really cool. Did you know that they spend twelve to eighteen hours a day eating?” She spouted off the fact before bouncing up and down on the cushion. “I wish I could eat for that long. There would be so many yummy things I could eat in that amount of time, like crepes, ice cream, brownies, cookies, cookie brownies.”

“You might make yourself sick eating that much sweets,” Alice replied, finding it impossible not to like the young girl. She had a lot of experience with kids eating too many sweets, since she worked in a bakery.

A hum passed the child’s lips and her head tilted in response. “But Luka doesn’t have that kind of time,” she said as if that were the only problem with it. Nothing satisfied her more than the Jack’s cooking. Her gaze snapped back up to Alice. “And Elephants can consume 300 to 600 pounds of food per day. That’s like 8 to 17 of me.”

Fenrir leaned against the door frame, making no effort to reel in his wild child. Her rambling would go on for a while if he did nothing. “We did the math on it,” he interjected, confirming her statement.

“Wow, that’s quite a lot of you for an elephant to eat.” Alice laughed in response.

“Oh, and Elephants can swim underwater and breathe through their trunks. I have to hold my breath when I swim. And, and, their trunks can grow to be six feet long, which is almost as long as Sirius is tall.” Finley stuck her arm out and waved it like how she imaged an elephant’s trunk would move.

Alice cast a glance at the Ace standing in the doorway. “She’s passionate about elephants, isn’t she?” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and found herself laughing more at the elephant sounds that Finley was attempting.

“Yeah, that’s right. She bought an information book about Elephants last month. It ain’t got any stories, and very few pictures, but she has me help her read it every night. That’s why she can recite it from memory.” Fenrir loved how much his daughter liked learning. She would be starting kindergarten next year, and formal teaching wasn’t his thing. He let her decide what kind of things she wanted to study.

“How about the elephant go check on what Luka’s cooking for tonight. Maybe he’ll give you a sample.”

All three turned to see the King of Spades eyeing the young Godspeed with amusement. He adored her like she was his own. At the moment, he wished to discuss some important things with Alice and Fenrir, but the very loud and literal elephant in the room made that quite difficult.

Finley hopped off the couch and took off at full speed for the kitchen. She hopped down the stairs, crouching low and then jumping as high as her legs would allow until she’d reached the bottom. “Luuuka!” Finley took a deep breath once she entered the room. Everything smelled delicious. “Can you make me enough food to eat for 12 to 18 hours a day?”

“No.” His answer the obvious one and it didn’t faze the girl at all.

“Okay.” She relented easy and skipped across the room to stand at his side. She held up her index finger to make her next point. “If I were an elephant, you would have to. That’s how much they eat.”

Luka brushed the chopped vegetables into the pot of boiling water before giving in to the conversation. “It’s a good thing you aren’t an elephant, then.” He couldn’t imagine her eating more than she already did. She was healthy and active, but she ate nearly as much as a grown man. If no one stopped her, Luka feared she would eat herself into a coma.

“You are making a lot of food though,” Finley muttered, standing on her tiptoes to snatch a lost piece of broccoli off the counter. As she chewed it, she gasped loudly and inhaled a little bit of the vegetable. Her hand covered her mouth as she coughed until it cleared. It didn’t deter her excitement. “Are we having a party?”

What the child loved nearly as much as spooky things, was a good party that lasted well past her bedtime.

“We’re giving the little lady a welcome party,” Sirius cut in, returning from the dining hall where he’d been setting the table. With this much food involved, Luka couldn’t be expected to do it all alone. Everyone needed to pitch in.

Oh! I wanna help. Can I?” The second she got permission, Finley dashed across the room to retrieve the wooden two-step step stool, crafted from a woodworker’s shop in a town nearby specifically for her. It hit the cabinets under the counter with a thud and creaked as she climbed up.

Sirius came in and out as dishes were completed, taking them away before the girl growing ever hungrier with every delicious item that Luka and Sirius had made. The sun had slid down beyond the horizon, leaving only twinkling stars and the bright moon illuminating the dark landscape outside the window.

With the last dish done, Finley stepped off the stool and collapsed into a puddle with a growling stomach. She did enjoy cooking, but this had drained her of all her energy. She laid flat with her forehead pressed to the floor and arms out, sprawled out like a starfish. “If I were an elephant, I’d never be this hungry, ever.” The words muffled by the tile beneath her.

Luka simply stepped over her, shaking his head with a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Elephants don’t get to attend parties, do they? Don’t you want to be Finley and be allowed to come to the dining hall?”

A moment of silence passed over the kitchen.

“Okay, I want to be Finley again.” Clambering to her feet, she staggered forward, moving a little too fast for her weary legs. She made it to the door before being snatched up into someone’s arms.

“Good, cause everyone loves ya as Finley,” Fenrir said, placing a kiss on the side of her head. He lifted her up higher to sit her on his shoulders. Her fingers weaved into his hair, petting him affectionately. “Let’s go party, bug!”

The dining hall could not have fit any more soldiers. The table lined with all the delectable foods and desserts that had been made. Various bottles of beer and alcohol were spread out on a table pushed into the far corner. As full as it was, not a single one spoke. Everyone stood looking at the other door, awaiting their guest of honor.

As the door creaked open, Alice’s features lit up with a mixture of thankfulness and embarrassment. A chorus rang out from all the soldiers and the small girl sitting on her father’s shoulders. No rehearsal led to an out of sync round, but the message came loud and clear, setting the festivities off.

“Welcome to the Black Army!”

#this kid is an absolute riot #she has no chill unless she is hungry #ikemen revolution #ikerev #fenrir godspeed #luka clemence #sirius oswald #seth hyde #ray blackwell #finley godspeed #black army mischief maker #ikerev next gen #ikerev oc #look at me #i'm two for two #maybe I be able to post tomorrow too

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kimeczo400 · 3 years

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7 Little Changes That’ll Make a Big Difference With Your Ideas For home Garden lovers

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Image by: BIOSPHOTO/ Alamy. Gardening is about finding the best mix of sunlight, fertile soil, and water to make your plants prosper. It's also https://frontdoorsmedia.com/protecting-your-property/ about satisfying your passion, so select plants you love. Use the resources here as a beginning point, and in no time you'll have a lovely garden, no matter what level of gardening experience you have.

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Connecting food environments and health through the relational nature of looks: Acquiring insight through the neighborhood gardening experience. https://pubmed. ncbi.nlm. nih.gov/ 21596466/Home gardenerswho select to grow food organically minimize their exposure to pesticides. Crinnion W et al. (2010 ). Organic foods contain greater levels of specific nutrients, lower levels of pesticides, and might provide health advantages for the consumer.

All About How To Grow An Affordable Garden?

ncbi.nlm. nih.gov/ 20359265/People wind up potentially eating produce with a higher nutrient content. Holzman DC et al.( 2012 ). Organic food conclusions don't tell the whole story. https://www. ncbi.nlm. nih.gov/ pmc/articles/PMC3546364/ Gardening likewise reducestension and improves psychological health. A research study showed that gardening likewise counted as moderate-intensity exercise and can help women live longer. Exercise of moderate strength in free time.

and the risk of all cause death. https://pubmed. ncbi.nlm. nih.gov/ 16118301/Well, what are you waiting for? Start getting those fingers green! Whether you have your own plot of land or need to pursue an alternative approach to gardening, this handy-dandy guide will have you elbow deep in compost in no time at all. Gardening is typically a procedure of experimentation, and we guarantee that it's not as daunting as it might seem!Plants resemble people, but much better. Each type of plant has an unique "character "and likes various things (water, sunlight, soil type, different hats, etc.). gardening ideas Some plants like it hot and warm, while others like it cooler or moister (or both ).

#planting in backyard

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makeetelich92 · 3 years

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Vitamin D: Why you're in all probability NOT obtaining Enough and the way that produces You Sick

What aliment might we'd like in amounts up to twenty five times over the govt recommends for U.S. to be healthy?

What vitamin deficiency affects 70-80 p.c of the population, is nearly ne'er diagnosed and has been coupled to many cancers, high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, depression,(i) fibromyalgia, chronic muscle pain, bone loss and autoimmune diseases like multiple sclerosis?(ii)

What vitamin is almost wholly absent from our food supply?

What vitamin is that the hidden explanation for a lot of suffering that's simple to treat? national vitamin company products

The answer to any or all of those queries is vitamin D.

Over the last fifteen years of my practice, my focus has been to discover what the body needs to function optimally. Vitamin D, a nutrient (more of a hormone and gene modulator) is a critical, essential ingredient for health and optimal function. The problem is that most of us don't have enough of it because we work and live indoors, use sun block and can't get enough from our diet--even in fortified foods.

Two recent studies in the journal Pediatrics found that 70 percent of American kids aren't getting enough vitamin D, and this puts them at higher risk of obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and lower levels of good cholesterol. (iii) Low vitamin D levels also may increase a child's risk of developing heart disease later in life.

Overall, 7.6 million, or nine percent, of US children were vitamin-D deficient, and another 50.8 million, or 61 percent, had insufficient levels of this important vitamin in their blood.

The average blood level of vitamin D was 25 ng/dl for Caucasians and 16 ng/dl for African Americans. The optimal level is 45 ng/dl and requires about 3000-4000 IU a day of vitamin D3 -- 10 times current recommendations. If our whole population achieved a minimum level of 45 ng/dl, we would have 400,000 fewer premature deaths per year. There would be a reduction of cancer by 35 percent, type 2 diabetes by 33 percent and all causes of mortality by seven percent. (iv)

The economic burden due to vitamin D insufficiency in the United States is $40-$53 billion per year. This can be corrected for pennies a person per day.

Over the last five years, I have tested almost every patient in my practice for vitamin D deficiency, and I have been shocked by the results. What's even more amazing is what happens when my patients' vitamin D status reaches optimal levels. Having witnessed these changes, there's no doubt in my mind: vitamin D is an incredible asset to your health.

That is why in today's blog I want to explain the importance of this essential vitamin and give you six tips on how to get optimize your vitamin D levels.

Let's start by looking at the massive impact vitamin D has on the health and function of every cell and gene in your body.

How Vitamin D Regulates Your Cells and Genes

Vitamin D has a dramatic impact on the health and function of your cells. It reduces cellular growth (which promotes cancer) and improves cell differentiation (which puts cells into an anti-cancer state). That makes vitamin D one of the most potent cancer inhibitors--and explains why vitamin D deficiency has been linked to colon, prostate, breast and ovarian cancer.

But what's even more fascinating is how vitamin D regulates and controls genes.

It acts on a cellular docking station called a receptor that then sends messages to our genes. That's how vitamin D controls so many different functions--like preventing cancer, reducing inflammation, boosting mood, easing muscle aches and fibromyalgia and building bones.

Vitamin D also helps prevent the flu and colds and infections. In an observational study of Finnish soldiers, those with 25-hydroxyvitamin D levels higher than 16 ng/mL (40 nmol/L) had fewer respiratory infections than those with lower levels.(v) More recently, in a double-blind randomized controlled trial involving school girls, supplementation with 1200 IU/d of vitamin D3 during the wintertime significantly reduced influenza A infections.(vi)

These are just a few examples of the power of vitamin D. When we don't get enough it impacts every area of our biology, because it affects the way our cells and genes function. And many of us are deficient for one simple reason ...

Your body makes vitamin D when it's exposed to sunlight. In fact, 80 to 100 percent of the vitamin D we need comes from the sun. The sun exposure that makes our skin a bit red (called 1 minimum erythemal dose) produces the equivalent of 10,000 to 25,000 international units (IU) of vitamin D in our bodies.

The problem is that most of us aren't exposed to enough sunlight.

Overuse of sunscreen is one reason. While these product help protect against skin cancer--they also block a whopping 97 percent of your body's vitamin D production.

If you live in a northern climate, you're not getting enough sun (and therefore vitamin D), especially during winter. And you're probably not eating enough of the few natural dietary sources of vitamin D: fatty wild fish like mackerel, herring and cod liver oil or porcini mushrooms.

In addition, aging skin produces less vitamin D--the average 70-year-old person creates only 25 percent of the vitamin D that a 20 year-old does. Skin color makes a difference, too. People with dark skin also produce less vitamin D. And I've seen very severe deficiencies in Orthodox Jews and Muslims who keep themselves covered all the time.

With all these causes of vitamin D deficiency, you can see why supplementing with enough of this vitamin is so important. Unfortunately, you aren't really being told the right amount of vitamin D to take.

The government recommends 200 to 600 IU of vitamin a day. This is the amount you need to prevent rickets, a disease caused by vitamin D deficiency. But the real question is: How much vitamin D do we need for OPTIMAL health? How much do we need to prevent autoimmune diseases, high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, chronic muscle pain,(vii) depression, osteoporosis and even cancer?

The answer is: Much more than you think.

Recent research by vitamin D pioneer Dr. Michael Holick, Professor of Medicine, Physiology, and Dermatology at Boston University School of Medicine, recommends intakes of up to 2,000 IU a day -- or enough to keep blood levels of 25 hydroxy vitamin D at between 75 to 125 nmol/L (nanomoles per liter).(viii) That may sound high, but it's still safe: Lifeguards have levels of 250 nmol/L without toxicity.

Our government currently recommends 2,000 IU as the upper limit for vitamin D -- but even that may not be high enough for our sun-deprived population! In countries where sun exposure provides the equivalent of 10,000 IU a day and people have vitamin D blood levels of 105 to 163 nmol/L, autoimmune diseases (like multiple sclerosis, type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, rheumatoid arthritis and lupus) are uncommon.

Don't be scared that amounts that high are toxic: One study of healthy young men receiving 10,000 IU of vitamin D for 20 weeks showed no toxicity.(ix)

You might have seen a recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association that shows that a single high dose of 500,000 Units of vitamin D3 (one year's worth of vitamin D) increased the risk of falls and fractures in elderly woman.(x) Does this mean that vitamin D doesn't prevent fractures or falls? Absolutely not!

The design and logic of the study were completely wrong. As a friend once said, "The well meaning are often ill doing."

Imagine a study that gave people a year's worth of vitamin A, or iron (both are nutrients that are stored in the body like vitamin D) in one dose. The vitamin A would cause immediate liver failure and death. In fact, the way the Inuit used to kill explorers in the Arctic was to feed them polar bear liver, which gave them toxic doses of vitamin A. A year's worth of iron in one dose would cause severe intestinal problems and iron poisoning.

Biologically we understand why a single high dose of vitamin D may cause problems. A single high dose induces protective mechanisms that reduce the available vitamin D by increasing the activity of enzymes that cause the vitamin D to be broken down by the body. (xi) The body requires a balance of the right nutrients at the right dose at the right time. No one would eat a year's worth of anything in one day and expect it to be healthy.

The question that remains is: How can you get the right amounts of vitamin D for you?

6 Tips for Getting the Right Amount of Vitamin D

Unless you're spending all your time at the beach, eating 30 ounces of wild salmon a day, or downing 10 tablespoons of cod liver oil a day, supplementing with vitamin D is essential. The exact amount needed to get your blood levels to the optimal range (100 to160 nmol/L) will vary depending on your age, how far north you live, how much time you spend in the sun and even the time of the year. But once you reach optimal levels, you'll be amazed at the results.

For example, one study found that vitamin D supplementation could reduce the risk of getting type 1 diabetes by 80 percent.(xii) In the Nurses' Health Study (a study of more than 130,000 nurses over 3 decades), vitamin D supplementation reduced the risk of multiple sclerosis by 40 percent.(xiii),(xiv)

I've seen many patients with chronic muscle aches and pains and fibromyalgia who are vitamin D deficient--a phenomenon that's been documented in studies. Their symptoms improve when they are treated with vitamin D. A Danish study of Arabic women with fibromyalgia found significant vitamin D deficiency and recovery with replacement of vitamin D.(xv)

Finally, vitamin D has been shown to help prevent and treat osteoporosis. In fact, it's even more important than calcium. That's because your body needs vitamin D to be able to properly absorb calcium. Without adequate levels of vitamin D, the intestine absorbs only 10 to 15 percent of dietary calcium. Research shows that the bone-protective benefits of vitamin D keep increasing with the dose.

So here is my advice for getting optimal levels of vitamin D:

1. Get tested for 25 OH vitamin D. The current ranges for "normal" are 25 to 137 nmol/L or 10 to 55 ng/ml. These are fine if you want to prevent rickets -- but NOT for optimal health. In that case, the range should be 100 to 160 nmol/L or 40 to 65 ng/ml. In the future, we may raise this "optimal" level even higher.

2. Take the right type of vitamin D. The only active form of vitamin D is vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol). Look for this type. Many vitamins and prescriptions of vitamin D have vitamin D2 -- which is not biologically active.

3. Take the right amount of vitamin D. If you have a deficiency, you should correct it with 5,000 to 10,000 IU of vitamin D3 a day for three months--but only under a doctor's supervision. For maintenance, take 2,000 to 4,000 IU a day of vitamin D3. Some people may need higher doses over the long run to maintain optimal levels because of differences in vitamin D receptors, living in northern latitudes, indoor living, or skin color.

4. Monitor your vitamin D status until you are in the optimal range. If you are taking high doses (10,000 IU a day) your doctor must also check your calcium, phosphorous and parathyroid hormone levels every three months.

5. Remember that it takes up to 6 to 10 months to "fill up the tank" for vitamin D if you're deficient. Once this occurs, you can lower the dose to the maintenance dose of 2,000 to four,000 Units a day.

6. attempt to eat dietary thereforeurces of aliment D. These include:

• Fish liver oils, love cod liver oil. one TBSP (15 ml) = 1,360 IU of vitamin D• sauteed wild salmon. 3.5 oz = 360 IU of vitamin D• sauteed mackerel. 3.5 oz = 345 IU of vitamin D• Sardines, willned in oil, drained. 1.75 oz = 250 IU of vitamin D• One whole egg = twenty IU of vitamin D• Porcini mushrooms 4 ounces = four hundred IU of vitamin D

You can see currently why I feel so turbulently regarding vitamin D. This vitamin is crucial for good health. therefore begin aiming for optimum levels--and watch however your health improves.

#health #exercise #diet #healthy living #health and wellness #healthy lifestyle

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