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leidensygdom · 1 month

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The ways in which being asexual feels isolating

I've been pondering whether to post this or not, but I figured out I wanted to explain a bit of this experience.

So, I could go on a very long tangent on how being asexual is usually a lonely experience, and how much I've been otherized here and there- Specially in real life. How the same people that claimed to be queer (or allies) had been much weirder about my asexuality than they were about me being bi/pan or whatever.

But I think I wanna talk about how something like that bleeds in every aspect of socializing, even down to something like fandom. I stay away from fandom usually- I like to look at cool fanart and that's about it. I hate discourse, I hate drama, I hate reading people getting worked up because they're treating fanon as canon. But there's one thing I've noticed, over and over, that just sends me off my rails.

And it's how fandom tends to treat asexuality (or aromanticism). So, you get a character in some piece of media that explicitly, unequivocally, states they're either ace, aro, or both. "I do not have interest in a partner", "I don't desire to have sex nor do I enjoy the topic", whatever. And as an ace person, I do appreciate being able to see myself in media- There isn't many chases where something is established that bluntly.

Now, you decide you want to check some fanart for that. Fandoms have this tendency to make absolutely everything about shipping, even when the media they're basing it in does not revolve about that (and it's annoying, because a lot of times people aren't interested in the actual themes- It's all reduced to shipping). Suddenly, you notice people treating the aforementioned character as anything but aro or ace. It's all about shipping. "This person interacted with this other person in a way two friends would, but we gotta make this their entire personality now". Some people may instead go for "well, maybe the character is not having sex, but they're probably an absolute freak about it, studies it extensively, has encyclopedic knowledge about it-"

Now, there's of course sex-favourable aces, and that's completely valid, but it's already straying from what, canonically, the character had mentioned. Asexual or aromantic characters aren't really allowed to exist as themselves. People often see them as a blank slate to fill, to change, to fix. I could talk forever about how people react to real life aces like that. I've had people asking me incredibly invasive questions because they saw my lack of sexual attraction as something broken, something they could fix.

And I hate that! I think I'm allowed to say that I hate that! It's hard and unusual for media to cement an aro/ace character, because they're defined by the lack of interest for something, which is often hard to show. But when it does- No one seems to care. It's all shipping, it's all "well, he's gay in denial", "well, she's probably super repressed". If you took a canonically gay character and made them straight on a fanfic, you'd get angry people. Which is bound to happen when you erase representation that people identify with. But aro/ace characters are NOT even seen as queer, they're not even seen as "representation" by most people. You can erase that bit of it, put some god awful shipping on top, and people will applaud you. And it sucks!

I wish people would see being aro or ace as an identity worth respecting, not an identity that needs overwriting. It feels a bit too close to how people often treat aro/aces irl, and it sucks. It reeks of this sort of exclusionism, where "aro/aces are technically queer but it's queer lite at best, it's less interesting than being gay, and we kinda don't want them near us anyhow". Again, I've had far worse experiences about being ace than I have about not being straight.

Sorry if the post got long, but I hope this experience may at least resonate with other people who have been struggling with this, too. It has always felt just kind of lonely to be ace, and see how little people do even consider it an identity, even when it comes down to something like fandom.

#lgbt #lgbtq #asexual #asexuality #aromantism #aro #ace #aroace #aromanticism #queer #long post

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ambrozjas · 2 months

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HII!! i saw in your bio that your requests are closed but i also see you responding to asks??? so i'm sosososo sorry if i wasn't supposed to ask but i just needed the gang (separate) x super energetic n positive reader (so like pinkie pie irl !) :3 again im sorry if i confused things with your requests!!!

the gang with an energetic!reader ꨄ︎

✧˖*°࿐ notes 🧸ᰔᩚ

this is actually a great question and i thank you for asking it ^-^!! the reqs i’m responding to are just requests that are stacked up in my inbox, so when i have them closed, it just means i’m trying to catch up on asks and that i don’t prefer asks at that time :) i did LOVE writing this though, so thank you for asking about that i appreciate you trying to respect it !! ^_^ 🫶

✧˖*°࿐ warnings ᰔᩚ

let me know if there r any i need to add!!

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

“you had fun today?” came DARRY’s voice from the left of you as he sat in the driver’s seat, taking you home. you guys had decided to take johnny, sodapop, and ponyboy to the oklahoma state fair, which would explain the sleepiness that laced his tone. you, though, would practically be vibrating in your seat if it wasn’t for darry’s hand resting on your thigh.

still pumped up from the crazy rides at the fair, your eyes roamed across all the bright lights littering the city as you looked out of the car window.

“so much.” you responded, beaming at your boyfriend next to you before taking a look in the rearview mirror and spotting the boys asleep in the backseat.

“you think they did, too?” you asked darry, lips pouting dramatically at how cute the boys looked, even when soda was practically drooling on pony.

darry gave you a small ‘mhm’, a tiny smile growing on his face when he looked back at them too. “y’sure you’re not tired?”

“i’m so awake right now, dare.” you chuckled a bit, turning back around and resting your head against the car seat’s headrest.

you gave a few quiet ‘ooh’s as you both were still exiting oklahoma city, even if you guys were still a long way from tulsa, looking at all the bright lights and arrows urging future customers to visit the fair.

darry scoffed as he saw the pile of cars across the way, lining up in one big traffic jam. then he turned his head to look at you, he wondered how you could always be so optimistic. he smiled fondly to himself as he watched you, head held in your hands as the exotic lights bounced off your irises, reflecting all sorts of neon pinks and blues in your eyes as you didnt take them off the noisy attractions.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“be careful now darlin’, you’ll slip!” SODAPOP laughs as you two come down from the intense food fight you just had in the kitchen.

it all started with you accidentally dusting the counters a bit too hard when some flour landed on sodapop’s open plaid shirt. now you two were both covered in various ingredients, you’re sure the yolk would take about an hour to rinse out of your hair properly. the baking you guys were doing was forgotten in the background as the batter had probably already somewhat hardened during sodapop’s sugar assault on your favorite top.

you laughed as he held your waist, the both of you looking down at where your foot was just about to fall on the slippery remainder of egg yolk and milk on the kitchen floor. “that’s your mess!”

“you started it!”

“it was an accident, soda—!” sodapop placed a chaste kiss against your lips, licking his own after he pulled away. he made a small hum sound as his eyes trailed upward when he pretended to try to guess the flavor. “hm, strawberry.”

“gross.” you rolled your eyes, the two of you laughing uncontrollably as soda eventually did slip on the exact same piece of yolk he had warned you from stepping on. that is, until you heard the strong footsteps of his older brother make his way from the front door to the kitchen.

both of your heads shot up as darry cleared his throat, crossing his arms and tilting his head. it was like he had no words for the both of you, until he shook his head once and grumbled angrily.

“y’all better clean that up.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“so i was just tellin’ her about it and y’know what this lady does?” you ranted to PONYBOY as he sat across from you at the lunch table, his fingers fiddling with the holes in the metal mesh patterned seat.

he held his chin in his palm as his eyes flickered between you and the table, watching as you rambled about something a counselor had reprimanded you for or something, all he could really focus on was you. the way your eyes lit up when you were passionate about something, the way talked with your hands a lot, or the way you bounced in your seat at just the thought of your favorite song.

pure energy always radiated off of you, not even dallas winston could resist your charm. and ponyboy curtis certainly couldn’t either.

“pony-y!” you dragged out the ‘y’ in his name as you tried to get his attention, waving a hand in front of his face. he blinked and furrowed his brows as he muttered out a quick, “huh?”

“are you even listenin’ to me?”

“‘course i am.”

“what was i talking about then?” you batted your eyelashes as you inquired in a ‘matter-of-fact’ tone, leaning forward as ponyboy averted your gaze.

his face got hot while he stammered, mouth gaping open and closed like a fish before you waved a hand at him and flashed a big grin.

“my counselor.” came your sing-song tone of voice from in front of him.

“right! just.. tell me more?”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“JOHNNY, wait up!” you called after him, jogging up and gripping onto the straps of your backpack as it moved with your every step.

you saw him, head hung low as he looked so small compared to the towering figure of dallas winston right next to him. he turned around, that same puppy dog look in his eyes as usual before he looked up at dallas. dally gave johnny a quick wink before nodding his head towards me and saying his goodbyes while he walked off only god knows where—probably to stir up some more trouble.

johnny looked back at you, muttering your name as you finally caught up to him. “hey—! you goin’ home?” you asked, shifting your weight from your hands to your knees as you hunched over and caught your breath. johnny just nodded as he watched you regain composure quickly, already back and energized.

you circled around him with a flurry of questions, questions like how his day was or if he ate today. johnny always wondered why you asked him these questions, whether you cared or not was really his main concern although he’d never dare ask.

once you guys had arrived to johnny’s house though, came a ruckus from inside. the noise traveling outside the house through a sliver of open window as you both saw two figures screaming at each other.

you saw as the corners of johnny’s mouth twitched downwards as he winced at the sound of glass breaking.

then, almost like an miracle came your voice from beside him.

“wanna go to the lot?”

once he had looked at you, it was like an instant mood lifter. you had a boyish grin on your face with your hands shoved in your pockets as your eyes crinkled with how big of a smile you had glued to your face, as usual.

how could johnny deny you?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“are you always like this?” DALLAS said as he leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, watching as you danced around and made a mess with the baking supplies.

“like what?” your voice, jubilant as ever, rung out in dally’s ears. he always played it off as if he hated how joyous it was, but if he was being honest, the way the syllables rolled so quickly off your tongue was satisfying to him. he’d never admit it obviously. being dallas winston was a tough job to keep up.

you twirled around, reaching on your tippy toes to grab something off the fridge before spinning back around to pour milk in the mixing bowl, hips swaying to the faint music that you turned down to hear dallas over.

dallas scoffed, shaking his head amusedly while he lit a cigarette, eyes flickering up at you every once in awhile. “nothin’.” he muttered, words muffled around his cigarette.

he looked at you, his eyes were empty enough that anybody else would mistake his expression for annoyance, but you knew better. you knew dallas winston better than anybody. and as you danced so freely around the kitchen, like no one was watching you, dallas admired you. you were yourself, in this moment socs and greasers didn’t matter, nothing did. the only thing that mattered to you was getting these ingredients right, and you couldn’t do that with a little dancing.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“woah, darlin’! someone had a li’l too much sugar, huh?” TWO-BIT laughed as you bounced around. you were like a candle waiting to be blown out, flowing in place but still moving. you were definitely still moving.

you practically vibrated in place, your feet kicked in your seat as you giggled, talking about your day to two-bit. his grey eyes watched you with intent, his own grin painted on his face. sometimes he didn’t pay attention, other times he asked questions just at the right times. even if it was just pure luck, you appreciated his responses even if they were just ‘huh’s or ‘oh!’s.

“what do you think?” you finally stopped ranting, taking a break to ask two-bit once again what he thought.

he paused, taking a second to sip on his can of beer before looking off to the side in thought. then, as quick as it left, his smile returned as he finally laughed.

“i think you need a nap, babydoll.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“so what happened next?” STEVE asked, licking the spoon as he sat across from you in the diner as he watched you take a break from talking to devour a milkshake.

you smacked your lips as you swallowed and immediately put up your hand to express yourself further. “she cussed her out!”

steve raised his eyebrows as he broke off another piece of the diner’s famous cake—which he claimed was never better than darry’s yet he was still destroying it.

what you always appreciated about steve was his blind loyalty to you. even if he didn’t understand, his heart was in the right place. he gasped at anything dramatic, but he just loved gossip in general. him and sodapop were like kids around a campfire as they always circled around you while you explained to them the gossip going on around school.

steve watched as you rambled on and on, twirling your hair at certain parts and jumping up in your seat at important ones. by the time you both finished that conversation, your bill was racked up with how long you had took, and the waitresses were rolling your eyes at every “but, did you hear..”

that didn’t matter to you two, though. you just cared about talking to steve, and steve was too busy admiring you to care about anything else.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ my favs r fluttershy n rarity but tell me why i’m literally rainbow dash irl

kiss kiss ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

#the outsiders x reader #the outsiders #darry curtis x reader #sodapop curtis x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #johnny cade x reader #dallas winston x reader #two bit mathews x reader #steve randle x reader #fanfiction #x reader #the outsiders fanfiction #sodkdodjsjwow #that reminds me #i lowkey wanna rewatch mlp #their songs did not have to go that hard #for a KIDS SHOW #ambrozjas #kiss kiss

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queenie-official · 6 months

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Nicknames with cowboy!Anakin

main masterlist

pairing: Cowboy!Anakin x reader

a/n: okay so as someone who’s family is primarily southerners there is nothing more chest warming then a good nickname said with a southern drawl.

now that being said Anakin with a southern drawl?:

- his deep gravely voice dragging out certain words in the most beautiful way that just leaves you feeling hot and bothered no matter the context.

yea if his looks didn’t already have you swooning the way he talks will. he could say anything he wanted to you and all he’d have to do is throw in a Darlin’ , Angel, or Sweetheart then all of a sudden whatever he had said before that wouldn’t even matter to you.

- cowboy!Ani has enough southern charm to make anybody fall for him without even trying. there are times where he doesn’t even realize that what he might be saying (or more accurately how he’s saying it) is coming off as flirting. he’ll be explaining something to another lady who had asked for his help and throw in a sweetened Hon’ casually, and you’ll watch as the girl he’s talking to- who had already found him attractive -falls deep into his sticky sweet trap.

of course you can’t help but roll your eyes, you knew exactly what that girl was feeling. i mean you had fallen for it too when you’d first met him.

- you where at a bar having a drink, he’d sat next to you. now he wasn’t the first guy who’d sat next to you that night but he was the first one who’d caught your eye and luckily you’d seemed to have caught his too he had the most beautiful side profile, the stubble on his face seemed to only highlight how handsome he was. And then he looked at you, beautiful blues scanning over you. a smile grew on his face before he spoke. his voice pulled you in further. you’d been conversing for a while that’s when he’d said it- so casually that all you could do was blink and blush slightly. ‘blossom’ had you heard him correctly?

well that sealed your fate, he liked the way you looked flustered and now he was determined to see what else he could call you to pull a reaction out. yea he wasn’t going anywhere until you where his.

- you really couldn’t blame the girl for falling for his charms, you could however blame Anakin. he had to know what he was doing- staring down at her as he continued to explain and help like he’d done nothing wrong.

you where mad and there was no hiding it once he finished up, quick to walk back over to you. instantly noticing the crease between your brows and the angry purse to your lips.

he raised a concerned brow as he looked down at you, when you said nothing he only grew more confused. “what’s wrong sugar?”

oh- that was a new one, and boy did it do things to you. Sugar. you wanted to hear him say it again.

without even realizing it you had let your anger completely fizzle out…

#hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #cowboy!anakin skywalker x reader #cowboy!anakin #modern!ani #modern!anakin skywalker #modern anakin skywalker #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fic #cowboy!anakin x reader #cowboy!anakin skywalker #modern! anakin x reader #modern!anakin x reader #anakin skywalker fanfiction #star wars anakin #queenie’s thoughts xx<3

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ravenonice · 1 year

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I'm sure at least some of you have by now seen ice dancers Gabriella Papadakis and Madison Hubbell skating together:

And let's just get this out of the way: They're STUNNING! Absolutely amazing! And I am beyond excited about what's coming!

But here's what we're NOT going to do:

Especially on Twitter I've been seeing comments like:

"IRL YURI ON ICE!"

"Viktuuri paved the way!"

"Yuuri and Viktor did it first!"

And it's disappointing.

When Skate Canada changed their rules to allow couples of all gender constellations in ice dance and pair skating it was a huge deal! And now that the ISU is allegedly considering following suit and therefore same sex couples maybe being allowed in international competition in the foreseeable future is even more HUGE!

What is happening right now in figure skating and ice dance is revolutionary and a big step forward in a sport that, even though it attracts a lot of lgbtq+ individuals, is still pervaded by homo- and transphobia!

This rule change doesn't just open up the field for homosexual romance stories, it also officially includes non-binary athletes, who are kinda existing in a grey area so far.

Plus, this isn't necessarily an LGBTQ+ issue. Another issue in pairs and ice dance is that is seen as inherently romantic...and audiences and judges hardly accept any other narrative. If you and your partner don't seem like you are madly in love, you don't have any chemistry at all and your presentation is worth hardly anything.

This leaves us with juniors and sibling duos skating routines with sexual narratives (not good) and skaters who are pressured to fit in a mold of what a figure skating/ice dance pair should look like and present as. And it doesn't really matter what they're comfortable with. It's what gets you points from the judges and praise from the audience.

Also there are much more women in the sport than men. This leaves a lot of women who'd like to compete in dance without a partner. Sure, there are solo dance competitions now. But it's not recognised by the ISU yet and also it clearly is not exactly the same as with a partner as things like lifts and partnered dance spins aren't possible.

While this rule change opens up the sport for lgbtq stories, it also helps to open up the sport to a wider range of performances and stories that aren't romantic or sexual in any way.

Putting the label "gay!" on a same sex couple in ice dance and pairs isn't necessarily helping the cause...and I admit that I am guilty here and I need to tone my excitement for that side of it down a little maybe 😅

So please respect the work that people in the sport have put in and the work Gabi and Madi are putting in right now to pave the way for this exciting rule change, and don't ascribe any part in it to Yuuri on Ice, no matter how much it may remind you of that end credit scene of Yuuri and Viktor.

Thank you 🫶🏻

Here's a few links for further reading on why this is a huge step forward that do a much better and more detailed job at explaining this than I do!

#figure skating #ice dance #yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yuuri on ice #yoi #gabriella papadakis #madison hubbell

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barsformars · 2 months

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Disrespect

g - angst

p - wooyoung x f!reader

w.c - 1.1k

t.w - mentions of insecurities regarding looks and body

c - wooyoung is mad at you for starting rumours and you’re pissed at his insensitivity

a.n - have not written an angst piece in a very long time, idk if anyone is interested to read this tbh but it comforted me a little to write this because something similar happened to me quite a while back so 🥴 also disclaimer, this is completely fictional im not saying wooyoung is an asshole irl

“i don’t ever want to see you again” doesn’t really work when you’re working together and have to see each other literally the next day. not only is it painfully obvious and awkward to your coworkers. it’s also incredibly exhausting switching from being mad at him to seriously missing the good times with him every half an hour or so.

it took one more glare sent towards wooyoung’s direction for san to finally decide to come talk to you. “you wanna talk to me about it?” he asked softly as he sat himself beside you.

you furrowed your eyebrows at san, wondering if he was serious about it, especially considering the cause of the whole fight. “what, and have you report everything back to your best friend? no thanks.”

“my lips are sealed,” san tried to reassure, slightly taken aback by your attitude. he has never once betrayed anyone’s trust, unless they were doing something illegal but that’s a story for another day.

that phrase meant nothing to you but empty promises to you now. your only fault was telling your fellow backup dancers that you felt uncomfortable with how close wooyoung was being with a certain girl group member, and now he was blaming you for calling him a womaniser and a cheater because rumours had spread. and instead of apologising for causing your trust in him to waver, wooyoung was more concerned about his reputation.

“i’ll respect your wishes if you don’t want to talk about it, but i strongly encourage for the both of you to talk it out,” san advised, “the atmosphere is kind of heavy because of the two of you.”

san got up and walked away, revealing wooyoung who was staring at you from the mirror as the stylist fixed his hair.

“have you been crying?” was the first thing that came out from his mouth after the both of you excused yourselves to a more private space. you swear you could have punched him right there and then.

surely it was obvious that you had been bawling all night with how swollen your eyes were, and the sunken eye bags that formed overnight – an observation wooyoung had made when you had cried to sleep in his arms a long time ago.

“which answer will hurt you more?” you spat, provoking your boyfriend.

“drop your glare, you’re being rude.”

“rude? you know what’s rude? not respecting my boundaries, then proceeding to invalidate my feelings,” you replied as you balled your hands into tight fists.

the following were wooyoung’s claims: he did not pat her head or rest his hand on her lower back and that you were delusional and lying because you’re insecure that you’re not as attractive, face or body wise, as compared to girl idols.

“and you did not respect my career, your words have spread and if the media catches wind of this i could be ruined!” wooyoung rebutted, his voice louder than before.

“again, like i said, all i wanted was to tell somebody that i was uncomfortable with it! i never meant to say that you were a cheater, nor did i want to spread it to the whole world.”

“what you intended to do doesn’t matter, that’s how the media industry is! and you could have told me directly how you felt-“

“so you can tell me i was overthinking and extra sensitive?” you were now face to face with the man, extremely agitated.

wooyoung backed away from you with a few steps and audibly sighed. he turned his head to the side in an attempt to calm down, biting down on his lower lip.

“look, i don’t know how else to explain myself other than saying that i did not do whatever you said i did. regardless, i’m sorry you felt that way and i apologise.” wooyoung decided to be the one to back down first, his arms opening up as an invitation for the both of you to hug it out.

you don’t accept it, also taking steps away from him while shaking your head in dismay. you were not going to let him get away so easily with this, not after he utterly shattered your heart. what wooyoung did, misunderstanding or not, was not what hurt you the most, but how he reacted when he heard about it.

wooyoung had always reassured you that you were the most beautiful in his eyes, that no one else could compare to you. you were not stupid enough to think it was an objective statement, you have seen enough idols to know that even the ones that aren’t photogenic are on another level. but he has now turned this insecurity of yours into a weapon to make you think you’re an insane jealous girlfriend.

“what do you want me to do to show that i still love you?” wooyoung questioned. again, his choice of words irked you.

you felt tears welling up in your eyes, the disappointment you were feeling made your heart ache so much. you love your boyfriend, but not this version of him. and you don’t know the answer to his question because the damage feels irreversible.

“please just come here,” wooyoung carefully takes a step closer to you, his arms opening once again for you, his voice still firm but slightly more gentle now. he wished you would understand the reason he, in your words, ‘overreacted’ is because ateez is at the height of their career and he can’t risk having anything knock it down right now. he knows, he knows it seems never ending for you, being patient until he reaches his next goal. there’s always a next goal, and it’s always harder to reach than the last, and each time there’s more at stakes. he knows he’s being selfish, one can’t have it all but here he is, greedy for both success and love.

“i’m sorry,” he apologised again, his two hands cupping your face as the tears begun to roll down your cheeks, “i shouldn’t have been so harsh on you.”

“i think we should break up.” you felt like choking on your own words. yet for some reason, your body still gravitated towards him, and the next moment your lips are already on his.

wooyoung did not have time to react to what you had just said, but he doesn’t care. all he wants to do right now is melt into your kiss so he reaches for the back of your head.

the both of you are grown enough to know this was not the healthiest way to resolve conflicts, but everything just felt right. “we are so not breaking up,” he breathed heavily as he pulled away for a second.

“you are mine.”

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #ateez blurbs #ateez drabbles #ateez fic #wooyoung #wooyoung angst

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gingerylangylang1979 · 10 months

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Reddit and Twitter need this most but I won’t, because reasons

I have said before I don’t think ALL the Camry and Sydney hate is racially motivated but PLENTY of it is. It’s Richonne 2.0. This isn’t new to me.

There is the outright racist coded comments like claiming Sydney has to be a lesbian, has to be asexual, looks like Kendrick Lamar (yes, it was said), along with the inability to ever empathize with her character.

But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about unconscious bias with people who don’t get that they feel the way they do because Sydney is black. So anyone reading this may want to take a moment and honestly examine what I’m saying.

Unconscious bias is, for example, the thing that leads doctors, sometimes even black ones, to presume that black people don’t feel pain in the same way whites do. It’s not necessarily malicious intentional action or obvious hatred towards us. It’s subtle perceptions that change how one views the nature and capabilities of black people while still being able to be friends with them, respect certain qualities about them, and maybe even at times be allies. But there is always something different in perception that is so invisible that you aren’t aware of it.

I've seen it in white people, strangers and acquaintances, making assumptions about what I’m into or should be, what my education and earnings are, and who I should be friends and lovers with. It’s the thinking we can always handle anything and not be burdened. It’s what is happening a lot with Sydney, especially with Carmy.

People are allowed to not like the ship. They don’t have to. I’m not going to assume everyone who doesn’t is racist. But for anyone who doesn’t I think it would be beneficial to examine a few things.

Viewing the first scene between them, how would you interpret Carmy’s taken aback, entranced, nervous reaction to seeing her? To me it obviously says attraction and surprise. If there is another explanation I’ve never heard it. People just gloss over that interaction and I think it’s a tell. It shows that people may not be able to see him showing signs of attraction to her because she doesn’t look like who you would expect him to be attracted to.

2. How would you explain the way Carmy is constantly looking at Sydney closely like he doesn’t look at anyone else? When we see her from his perspective she if glowy or hazy or out of focus. We don’t see that with any other characters he interacts with aside from that finale flashback with Mikey. He doesn’t look at Sugar like that. Syd is the only one who gets special framing. If you’ve never noticed, why?

3. If you think Syd could be a lesbian or asexual, why her and not for instance Tina, or others on the crew? Sex isn’t referenced a lot so why is it not being referenced with her any different than it not being referenced with others? Often people assume a woman who dresses tomboyish is just that. Why can’t that just be her style? I have plenty of women friends that are straight and sexual with a similar style.

4. Could you imagine the scenes with Syd and Carmy if a man was in Sydney’s place? What would you think of the vibe?

5. Could you see Ayo in the Claire role?

6. Could you see Jeremy and Ayo playing love interests in a totally different show?

7. If Molly Gordon plays Syd could you better picture her with Carmy?

8. When you see a dark skinned black woman in a couple with a white man IRL does it make you especially take notice or feel it’s a bit off?

9. Does the thought of Sydney and Carmy kissing or being intimate make you have an extreme reaction like eeew or gross? Maybe not so extreme does it make you feel awkward to think about it?

10. Do you often compare their relationship to siblings?

11. Can you recognize the Syd isn’t into Marcus romantically and has other options?

12. Can you only envision Sydney alone and not needing romance because her career is all she needs?

13. Do you think maybe Carmy could find her attractive if she looked more glamorous?

14. Could you more easily see Carmy into Syd if she was played by Zendaya or someone that looks similar?

15. Have you never seen a couple that looks like Syd and Carmy?

16. if you saw the Emmy magazine photo shoot did you not perceive the touchy pose with Ayo and Jeremy as sexually suggestive and think it’s an impossibility?

17. How do you think Clairs would react if she saw all of their interactions?

18. Is it easy to view Sydney as having complex motivations and emotions at the same time? Can you possibly see that she’s jealous of Claire because she distracted Carmy from business AND because she has feelings for Carmy? Is it possible to think she can view Carmy as a boss, mentor, and someone she is attracted too and that’s hard to process?

All of these things may not apply to your perception but if any do realize these are very common examples of how unconscious bias plays out when thinking of black women, especially in storytelling. This is a lot of what has historically been seen with similar ships and IRL mixed couples. That’s not to discount the numerous white man, white woman ships that people don’t like, but these things are consistently present with black women and white men presented in the media and celebrity couples. There is always more scrutiny with these pairings.

You may not have a context to understand that. You may have never been questioned in this way. You may be angered to think it’s possible this is a role in how you are viewing things, but it’s the truth based on lived experience and observation. It’s worth examining.

I’m not here to be hostile, I’m just trying to voice in a gentle way what so many here already know and you may not be aware of or ready to think about.

I’m not going to argue with anybody about it but any intelligent, respectful dialogue is welcome and encouraged.

#the bear fx #carmy x sydney #chefs kiss

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thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove · 2 years

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having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

#actually aromantic #actually aro #aromanticism #alloaro #actually autistic #aspec #aphobia mention #queer #queerness #long post

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comicaurora · 1 year

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(this ask is based on the, I'm not sure if unfounded, assumption that at least 1/6(?) main crew members has some sort of non-ace/aro attraction): How do you write allo characters as an aro person? I'm one of those annoying allos who's *hyper-romantic* and working on hypersexuality for my own health, so I color most of my writing with that and struggle to write ace people. I know a lot of writers can distance themselves more. I guess I'm just curious how you inspire your characters to act socially outside of the way that you interact, specifically in terms of romanti/sexual relationships. I'm pretty good at getting my characters to engage with the world outside of my way of doing it until it comes to romance.

It's… tough, and I'm working on it. I still need to remind myself that a lot of people legitimately do experience sexual attraction and thus find certain other people in certain situations extremely physically appealing, in contrast to my own platonic attraction (the people I like, I typically like the same amount no matter what they're doing or how they look) or aesthetic attraction (when I like how someone looks in a specific situation, it is still in an extremely hands-off "I'd like to draw that" way).

I can work my way through the logic of romance, I think. I've been told that it doesn't feel the same as friendship, and that it places another person in a somewhat uniquely structural role for one's life. I've heard it described as being someone's "everything-team" - the person they want by their side at any endeavor - which is the only thing I've ever heard about romance that I don't think applies to a good percentage of my IRL friendships.

Romantic attraction is definitely the more confusing one, because everyone I know in a romantic relationship insists it's different than their platonic ones, but can't really explain why or how, only that it is. The thing is, this makes me believe them more. I know how hard it is to explain a unique inner experience to someone who has a completely different one. Their partner is their best friend, or at least top three (understandable) and also in a unique position in their life (confusion??) I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I think I love my friends as much as I'm capable of, and there are people I'm friends with who I could see as a theoretical partner - except that it would change absolutely nothing about our current relationship. This is why I don't identify with the label of "aromantic" where I definitely do with "asexual", because I think I experience what people are talking about, I just feel it kinda everywhere instead of nowhere.

So the hack I think I can make work to do this in my writing is:

Sexual attraction is like aesthetic attraction, but with a hands-on component. Replace "I want to draw that" with "I want to get my hands on that" and go from there.

Romantic attraction is evidently its own beast, but it contains concepts like "I trust this person implicitly," "I care about them and want them to be happy," "I would be happy coming home to this person," "I want to protect them," "I like that they care about me," and "this person helps me see the world in a different way" which are all individual sentiments I understand, even if I personally feel them about a large number of people rather than a single Special Someone. Point them at a single Someone and have the two characters involved act accordingly, and I can probably pull a romance out of it.

Like all writing-an-alien-situation stuff, it mostly pays to identify the specific details that correlate to things you DO understand and then extrapolate from there. Or you can fake it and black-box their motivations and be like "here's where I'd put their sexual attraction to each other if I had one"

#asks #writing stuff

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olderthannetfic · 3 months

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Part of the issue with the idea that we need to separate out sex and romance designations on AO3 is that I feel like with most shippy fanfic I've read, there's some degree of both happening. And there are also a lot of fanfic where the degree of it is ambiguous. Like, they're having sex but it's up to the reader, or merely implied, or a spoiler etc. to what degree there are romantic feelings as well.

Also, part of why they're conflated in fanfiction and by larger society is because that is.... also how real-world relationships often work for people who experience both sexual and romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is often a thing that grows over time to someone you were initially sexually attracted to, and you're not always certain to what degree you're more motivated by one or the other in a particular moment necessarily. They're often mixed together for a lot of people. Like it sucks if that's alienating to people who only experience the one type of attraction or the other, but I think it make sense for romantic fiction to reflect how a lot of real people experience romance IRL.

Also it's.... a problem that is just SO easy to address by adding more tags. I've both written sexual fic where there was no romantic feelings between the pair, and romantic fic where there was no sex, and it's super easy to just.... indicate that in the other tags. (I mean the rating often makes the latter pretty clear all on its own.)

But if we created separate tags for sexual and romantic relationships, that would create a whole bunch of new problems, starting with that most ship fics would probably feel the need to use both, people would be unsure if the sexual one counts just for if they actually have sex or also for sexual attraction even if it's not explicit (or what if it's "sexual attraction" but they just want to kiss rather than fuck for XYZ reasons), and even if it's clarified as the latter you will have people think that any fic that uses the "sexual relationship" tag must automatically be M or E.... it would be a mess, and not actually solving a problem because most people can make it clear enough which one it is by using additional tags anyway. If it ain't broke....

Like I'm already annoyed when people don't understand / vs. & and tag something & that is really / or vice versa, or feel the need to tag both even though it's clearly / just because "they are also friends" or because it's a slow-burn. Can you IMAGINE how many more of those problems we'd have if sex and romance had separate tags?????

The main reason that anon is so pissed is that the vast majority of people don't agree with them, do not care about their argument, and will never care no matter how much they explain.

AO3 being in line with the status quo of the entire world is just more salt in the wound.

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fizzingwizard · 2 months

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my curse: "Gee I wonder what my old buddy Nightcrawler's up to in 2024? hmm let's check around and see -"

"... why did i look why did i look why"

Seriously why does Marvel do this? I won't deny that Nightcrawler fans like to joke about the tail thing. For the kinkier ones, it's maybe not as much of a joke too. (But - it still is. Y'all know that right. Real people don't have tails. Anyway, you're welcome to make fun of this, as long as I eventually see some dudebro extra show up and ICly ask Colossus about his giant metal wang.)

Women hitting on Nightcrawler and being overtly sexual towards him in a way that would be pretty creepy IRL isn't a new thing in the comics. It's weird, but even though it reads as creepy, it's intended to show that despite looking like a gargoyle, Nightcrawler is hot and can attract girls and is totally an authentic superhero. It's complimentary creepiness 9_9 I don't take issue with that because that is superhero comics, everyone is horny all the time, and attraction is inexplicable. Basically it boils down to "I've got lips/ And I've got lips/ Let's get together and use those lips"

However. In the Draco, we got Jubilee, who was like 18 at the time, complimenting a naked and extremely distressed Nightcrawler on his, uh, junk. His reaction amounted to "..." Then a couple years ago, we got a... demonically possessed?? Illyana - whose age is a fucking mystery, she's not a teen anymore, probably Kitty's age, but anyway she's young - hitting on Nightcrawler as well. Once again he's brilliantly "..." about it. And now we've got this girl. I don't know how old she's meant to be, but she's written to sound like a young chatterbox - while being blonde and buxom and dressed like a Hooters waitress. "OH EM GEE" she spells out vocally??? Then exoticizes him, then asks him sexual questions???

There's definitely a way to comment on the invasiveness of fans who feel entitled to any detail no matter how personal about someone famous. But must it be through teenage girls you purposely drew to be hot and stupid? And I'm being generous by even suggesting that's what the intent here is. I think it's way more likely this is just another version of the "complimentary creepiness" shtick, only made more awful by the like twenty year age gap (I guess Crawler was aged down with everyone else but come on do any of us feel that's real in any sense). You get to lust after this girl while hating her simultaneously for being everything wrong with young women. Who is this for? They can't imagine it's for Nightcrawler's female fans. They can't be that obtuse. It's obviously for the boys.

So then the question is, what is there for the female fans? Because having female fans is kind of something Nightcrawler's known for. And any time something happens to a character - or a story - that the bros don't like, they blame the change on pandering to female fans. On feminism. On reverse sexism. But please someone sit down and explain to me how it's pandering to us female fans to write our favorite character like a tongue-tied himbo ("uh... um... uh..." wow crawler you smooth criminal! it's really obvious you've been a grown ass man since the 70s) while simultaneously insulting our entire gender as vapid nymphos?? Several times???

gosh. next time please just let crawler react by saying "sister you've got boundary issues and should be hitting on someone your own age goodbye." honestly this shit wasn't even cute when Claremont did it and he gets a pass on everything

#xmen #nightcrawler

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dean-samw67 · 6 months

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Talking about this here because it's such an issue and it's driving me crazy. I've noticed some things when it comes to Judy and the Cyberpunk fandom. I get Judy is a very attractive woman and a lot of people like her regardless of their gender. HOWEVER, the amount of men who say "I wish she was into men" or "I can change her mind" FUCKING STOP!!

SHE IS NOT INTO MEN AND IM SORRY IT HURT YOUR EGO THAT SHES NOT INTO YOU BUT STOP FUCKING DISRESPECTING HER SEXUALITY!

THERE ARE LITERALLY MODS TO CHANGE HER SEXUALITY AND IT MAKES ME SICK

Let me explain why it makes me so fucking mad. As a woman who is attracted to women I have actually had men say shit like that to me irl when I've been in relationships with women. And many many women who are attracted to and date women hear that shit ALL THE TIME

How would you as a straight man feel if a gay man tried to push their sexuality on you and went "I can change your mind" or "You just need some cock to help you realize"

ALSO I have spent so much time playing RPGs over the years and the amount of well written romancable lesbians in RPGs is not a lot. And if they do have them they are either weird (like in dragon age inquisition how Sera is the only romancable lesbian but she's literally freshly 18 and very obviously still got a younger, playful mindset which is okay but offer another older option for older players. It feels gross to me to romance her) OR the romance is very obviously created for the male gaze and not actually for lesbians or wlw at all.

I find Cyberpunk and I'm beyond happy to know they include a romance for every person regardless of which way you swing. And to see the amount of men who write fanfics, make ai bots and use mods that make her straight PISSES ME OFF BEYOND ANYTHING I CAN EXPLAIN

LEAVE HER ALONE SHES NOT FUCKING FOR YOU

I'm attracted to Panam but I would never get a mod to change her sexuality or disrespect that because it's not just about the game but simply about respect for sexuality in general because like I said THIS HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE ALL THE DAMN TIME

Point of this post is you can be attracted to someone without disrespecting them and their sexuality. You are allowed to acknowledge that they are an attractive person without being offended that they aren't attracted to you and without simply being a disgusting asshole.

#I WILL BLOCK ANYONE WHO ARGUES THIS BECAUSE WTF #she is not for you #she is literally a lesbian #SHE ISNT ATTRACTED TO MEN #ITS JUST HUMAN RESPECT #c: judy alvarez #judy cyberpunk #judy alvarez #game: cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk #cyberpunk2077 #lgbtvideogames #videogamewomen #LET US HAVE SOMETHING

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nerdy-simp-7120 · 1 year

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A LA VERGA !!

(separate) crewel, rook x f! latina! reader

context: what would a relationship be like between him and his hot latina s/o?

warnings: cursing, spanish, fem reader, this is sort of a fluff and crack fic, pls take this with a grain of salt and don't chancla your s/o irl :')

CREWEL

you two were the resident hotties, okay?

you're both gorgeous and fashionable

you two also lived together, and you do your best to keep the house clean

except...

your best isn't enough

because those god forsaken dalmations of his shed all over the place! >:(

no matter what you do, you always see fur in some place around the house

and you just know that your latino ancestors would have a heart attack at the mere mention of a dog in the house

in any case, you simply allowed your frustrations to simmer

and then brought it up to crewel when you two were eating dinner

"so, dear..." you began

crewel looked up at you, "yes?"

you took in a deep breath, "look, i wanted to talk about the dogs."

he raised an eyebrow, signaling for you to continue

you then explained your vexation caused by the dog hairs coating the place

one thing led to another, and things became heated, with you wanting to persuade crewel into keeping the dogs outside in the huge backyard

and he defended them, saying that they were to stay in the house if they wanted to

you didn't even blame the dogs, because you knew that they weren't shedding just to piss you off

but nonetheless

the more he disagreed

the angrier you felt

until you just lifted your foot, slipped off your chancla, and chucked it at crewel

luckily you threw so that it grazed his cheek, and then you blew up on him

“ ¿Me estás escuchando, cabron? ¡Te dije que tus malditos perros me tienen arta con el pelo por todas partes! Además, se sentirán mas libres afuera-- ¡métetelo a la cabeza! ”

silence.

needless to say the dogs were put outside from then on

ROOK

rook fell in love with you upon hearing your accent :')

he just thought that it was very attractive

and when you spoke in your native language?

well this man near fainted

starts fanboying

sends you arrows with inspirational quote in your native language. every day. unironically

and he doesn't even do it to offend you, he just sees a quote on the internet, thinks it looks nice, and sends it to you

one day, an arrow whizzed past your faze and landed on the wall next to you

you would later yell at rook about how he almost hit you

but anyways, you open the letter

"soy el raton"

:')

rook, pls just stick to french

#crewel x reader #divus x reader #divus crewel #rook x reader #twst x reader #rook hunt x reader #crewel divus x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst rook #twst crewel

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synf3ll · 9 months

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unpopular opinion, apparently, but it is so rude and unnecessary to say that people who consider their F/Os important in their lives are stupid and need to get other hobbies.

recently, a poll went around that asked about whether or not having an F/O is considered cheating to an IRL partner. the poll in-and-of itself is completely fine and respectful, but some of a lot of the notes on it were very disrespectful.

(everyone in this post being used as examples has their usernames cropped out -- they do not deserve direct harrassment, please do not go seeking them out. i don't mean to single out these people specifically, i am only using their comments because i remembered them and feel they're good representations of a larger problem.)

these comments come from a different post which was influenced by the poll i mentioned:

(do i need to explain why calling this sort of mindset "insane" is inappropriate lol)

it is not your place to tell someone where their F/O stands in their life. if, to them, a partners' attraction towards fictional characters feels inappropriate, it is their right to discuss it with their partner and work it out. if someone wants to avoid certain people because they believe their friends would be uncomfortable, it's not your job to tell them they can't do that.

maybe it's ridiculous to you. i can understand how that might be. but some of us have worse social difficulties than you -- personally, i don't have friends. i don't have family. of course my F/O is the most important person in my life; i don't have anyone but them. yes, it's fucking pathetic, but you are not my therapist. who do you think you are to tell people they need to get a life? don't you think i (and people like me) have been trying?

do you not remember that this is a coping skill for some people? obviously, escapism is not the best coping mechanism as it encourages disconnection with reality in vulnerable people, but there's far worse things to use as coping mechanisms. it's only a "not appropriate" coping mechanism when it is directly harming other people -- taking selfshipping seriously does not harm other people. (i guess one could argue it might harm the user, but we all know what the consequences might be and actively choose to continue, so we accept responsibility for whatever happens.)

all of this feels very anti-fictosexual and anti-aspec. sorry we'd rather be in fictional relationships than real ones? and i do agree that it's over-the-top to end relationships solely because of this, but again, it's not our place to decide that for other people.

and i'd argue it's borderline ableist to insist we need to drop fictional characters for real people. i've been trying in the best way i know how, but i still can't form relationships. maybe it's the autism, maybe it's the attachment disorder, but people just don't like me and i don't like them. i turned to fictional relationships because i was tired of putting everything into real relationships and getting nothing in return. it's less exhausting, caring for someone who isn't real, than caring for people who have the potential to care for you and still don't. it's easy for people to say stuff like this when they have IRL relationships to fall back on.

it is fine and okay for people to have different levels of importance in regards to their F/Os. some people are very casual about selfshipping, some are not. that's how it is with literally everything. not everything is important to everyone and that's fine and good, but you don't get to be an asshole to people who have different opinions about it.

#selfship #self ship #self ship community #discourse #fictosexual #fictoromantic #og

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an-obsessed-cactus · 16 days

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I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer #queerplatonic #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aromantism #asexuality #omnisexual

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