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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #grisha #Grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #shadow and bone netflix

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ehbeeseedih · 3 years

Text

Lost a bet - positions

Prompt:

So you lost a bet and posted that you wanted to try out some sex positions and were looking for volunteers. As soon as you were allowed, you were going to go delete it, but then you looked at the replies. Who said they wanted to do each one with you?

How it works:

Go to “Random.org”.

Click on “Lists & More” and then “Lists Randomised”.

Enter the names of 18+ people/characters.

Use the first 10 to find out who volunteered for each one.

PS: This is my first time posting on tumblr so the sizes of things, font and all those kinda things might be a little wacky, but I’ll try to fix it afterwards.

You can check out my other stories at AFF. Now, enjoy reading 10 bad smuts to fulfill your daily bad smuts quota.

Oh yeah nearly forgot, thanks to @existslikepristin for the tag.

Rosé - Missionary

“Everything I need is on the ground.”

The music ends, the ending pose done, everyone claps. Today is the last day of practice before Rosé’s solo debut tomorrow afternoon.

You went to the showers in the dance studio after debriefing. A cold shower does wonders for relieving body ache after intense practice sessions.

As you prepared to leave the studio, you saw Rosé still practicing by herself, wearing the tight short skirt outfit she’s about to perform in tomorrow.

Rosé bent forward as the music reached the chorus, her safety shorts failed to adequately cover up her butt cheeks as they came into your view. Your pants abruptly got tight at the sight.

You desperately try to divert your attention as Rosé caught you staring at her. Instead of calling you out about it, she began twerking harder, letting her plump butt freely bounce in front of you.

“Like what you’re seeing?”

“Yes…..” You shyly replied

“Well I could use some releasing, haven’t had a cock for a while.”

She lowered her skirt and panties in a single stroke, “How you like that?”

“Huh?”

“I mean how would you like to fuck me?”

“Missionary please, I’d like to see your face.”

She lays down on the floor and spreads her legs wide, “Vanilla huh, I like it. I’m already on the ground, what are you waiting for?”

You’ve finally realised the true meaning of “Everything I need is on the ground”. Let’s just hope that both of you won’t be too tired to perform tomorrow.

Doggy - IU

Having a bubbly and needy girlfriend like Jieun can be both a blessing and a curse.

The blessing, a very fulfilling sex life, anytime and anywhere.

The curse, it’s hard to reject her when she wants them but you don’t. Her aegyos and delicate moans were like cheat codes that made you do whatever she told you to.

In the present, you’re faced with two very major problems you had to deal with. On one hand, you had a report and 2 proposal you needed to turn in by tomorrow

On the other hand, you had a needy girlfriend who’s willing to do anything to get you to fuck her.

Jieun had been doing everything she could to get you off work and pay attention to her. She started with strip tease, lap dance, progressing to slowly jerking you off and giving you a messy blowjob.

You had nearly given up, a few moans escaped your mouth, but in the end you were still working, and Jieun was also still working. She released your cock from her mouth and went to the bed.

Immediately, you heard sounds of wet flesh and Jieun’s soft moans.

“Ahhhh, why are you still working? You could be here balls deep in me. Ahhhhh, it would be better if it’s your giant cock inside me instead of my slim finger.”

That nearly tempted you off. Your cock was growing hard again, your hand slowly stroking it along to the beat of Jieun’s moans.

“Look at me!” She shouted. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have looked. The moment you turn your head, there is no going back.

Jieun was on all fours, her fingers in her pussy slowly pumping off.

“Come fuck your little slut. Look at how wet I am for you.”

Magnetized by her pussy, you gave up work and went over and grabbed her hips.

“You nasty little slut, distracting me from doing actual work. Now let me punish you.”

“Oh yeah, punish your little slut. Fill her with your cum and send her to heaven.”

Suffice to say your bosses were not impressed when you said you had to take care of your pet yesterday and couldn’t finish your work.

Cow girl - Jessica

Why are you in a 5 star hotel again? Oh yeah, you were at a family gathering with your wife Jessica.

But why does she look so mad? Did you piss her off doing something stupid again?

“Do you know why I’m mad right now?”

“No……” A ringing slap on your left cheek.

“Please explain why were you fucking my sister during the family gathering?”

Oh yeah, now you remember. Krystal was seducing you during dinner, which ended up with you getting caught by Jessica while cumming inside Krystal in their family house bathroom.

“Well……. Krystal was seducing me, and you did say it’s ok to touch your sister right?” A ringing slap on your right cheek.

“I said only when I’m not available. I was prepared to give you a surprise but you decided to be a bad boy.”

Jessica took off her bathrobe and revealed the red lacy lingerie underneath it.

Red - the ultimate colour of seduction. Jessica certainly knew how to get you fired up. Luckily for you, you too knew how to get her fired up.

Hug her hips, hand on her butt, face in front of her pussy “I’m sorry mommy, I have been a bad boy, please forgive me.”

“Ahhhh” Jessica moaned and pushed you down onto the bed hard. “You’ve been a really bad boy. Now let me ride you.”

“Yes. Please mommy.”

69 - Miyeon

“Hey Miyeon, look at me! I’m sliding down the slide upside down.”

She ignored you.

Miyeon had been acting all weird today. Like she was pretty weird normally but today even more so.

She told you she wanted to do something fun today, and then she brought you out to a playground in the middle of nowhere.

Was she going through nostalgia and wanted to relive her childhood? That doesn’t seem like it. She had been looking around scanning the area ever since you got here. What was she looking for, there’s nothing and no one in the vicinity.

“Hey baby, what are you doing?”

She approaches you with a smirk and grabs your crotch, gently rubbing it.

“Baby, I told you I want to do something fun right. Let’s fuck right here. Nobody is watching.”

“What…….” Before you could speak, Miyeon had unzipped your pants and started sucking your already hard cock.

“Can you at least let me sit upright first?”

“No, 69 is part of the fun. Now shut up and eat my pussy.”

“You’re one kinky girl Miyeon.”

Downward dog - Shuhua

You loved your job as a yoga instructor, and having your classes famous among idols is a huge reason for it.

It started out with Yerin and your extra sessions. Apparently she liked it so much that she introduced Joy to join your extra sessions too.

Since then, idols had been coming so frequently that you’ve had to space out the appointments as your body couldn’t keep up with the number of sessions.

Last week it was Yves and Chuu and this week it will be Shuhua.

“Hi Shuhua, how are you feeling today?”

“Great, just a bit stiff. I’ll need some help with stretching later, maybe your pole can be handy.”

“Alright, do you want to start off slow or go straight to the extra sessions.”

“Be fast please, I’m impatient.”

“Alright then, let’s start off with the downward dog pose. Put your hand on the floor and raise your hips up.”

“Good, looks like you have been following my advice and putting in extra work. Your thighs look very meaty.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of leg work recently.”

“I’ll message your butt and help you relax your muscles.”

“It feels great, please don’t stop.”

“What is this Shuhua, why is there a wet spot in between your thighs?”

“Ahhh, don’t tease me please.”

“Oh no, no panties. You’re a naughty student. Let me punish you.”

“Yes please, use your cock to help me stretch out my thigh pussy.”

Side saddle - Yuju

Some come to the beach for the relieving feeling, some for the tan, some for the sea breeze. But you’re here for the bikinis and tiddies.

Sitting under your beach umbrella, you can usually see a whole beach of beauties enjoying themselves. But not today.

The beach is desolate today, not much to see. Just the occasional family with nothing impressive, not the usual group of eye candies.

The weather is beginning to turn and you prepare to abort. Just as you’re about to leave, you spot a lady sporting a red bikini slowly approaching from afar, heading towards your direction.

As she nears, you observe her fit body, her abs and her beautiful appearance.

“Hey, why are you here at the beach?”

“I came here for a walk. But it seems like the weather today is not cooperative.”

“That’s unfortunate, maybe we can do something together to create some memories and remedy that.”

She scans your body. Instinctively, you flex up your abs.

“Alright, but we do it my way.”

She sits on top of your crotch which starts pumping up with blood. You scan around for one more time to ensure no one is watching.

While you scout, Yuju is busy relieving your cock from your pants and inserting it through her bikini bottom.

She begins bouncing on you slowly. The cold winds contrasted with the interior warmth of her pussy, heightening the experience.

Some come to the beach for the relieving feeling, some for the bikini and tiddies. But you’re here for the fuck.

Throat Swab - Jiho

A rich heiress by the name of Jiho has recently come under your radar. Her mansion was outside of the town and she lives really lowkey.

Made a rough survey of her mansion, it seems relatively lightly guarded given her wealth. No one except her servants went in and out of the mansion, not even Jiho herself had left the mansion throughout the few days.

Clock struck 12, sneaked into the mansion from the back door without anyone noticing

Circling around the mansion, surprised by how empty it is inside given the luxurious exterior. The heiress living inside must be pretty lonely.

Made your way to the master bedroom. Jiho sleeping elegantly in her princess themed bed.

Tied her up on her bed with ropes

Ransacked her mansion, took away many valuables. Heard a loud scream from the master bedroom

With lightning speed, headed to the source of the sound. Found Jiho struggling with her hands tied up

“What are you doing, let me go.”

“Shut up you nasty bi*** “ Placed your palm on her face to quiet her.

Instead of resisting, Jiho surprisingly licked your palm in a circular motion, her eyes telling you of her desire

Stuck your fingers into her mouth and she dutifully sucked it with vigour.

“You’re a needy little slut I see. You’re being kidnapped and yet you’re sucking my fingers”

“It has been a long time since I've seen a man. It’s natural to be needy.”

Released her, knowing she won’t run away. Brought her to the edge of the bed with her head hanging from the bed.

“I still need to keep you quiet, maybe I should stuff your mouth with my cock”

“Please fuck my mouth, please.”

Pearly Gates - Arin

You’ve always thought Arin was the good girl type. The type that would be shy about sex.

However, after a date started off with her sucking you off in the car, feet playing with your cock under the restaurant table, ass grinding on your crotch in an elevator and her hand guiding yours while touching her pussy in the cinema, you threw away all your dumb assumptions.

After a libidinous date, you came home utterly exhausted and immediately fell into your bed.

As you slowly dozed off to dreamland, Arin crashes on top of you, waking you up.

Instinctively you moved your hand to embrace her whilst both of you gradually drifted into slumber.

Your legs suddenly felt numb and a need to move them. Finding your legs trapped under Arin’s legs, the only way to move them was to spread out her legs.

Your legs slowly spreaded Arin’s legs out and you heard a barely audible moan from her.

Arin turned around with a soft smile and raspy voice “You still got juice to try out a new position?” and began grinding her posterior on you to get you in the mood again.

You quickly moved to remove the bottoms for the both of you “What’s this new position you’re talking about?”

“It’s called pearly gates, I learned it from reading a smut challenge.”

She impaled herself on your cock from above as you felt her being more tight in this position

The sex was great, and lucky for you Arin did not eat much for dinner.

Stand and Carry - Minju

“Ha, you suck at Mario Kart.”

“Yeah, yeah, you won. What do you want?”

“Carry me to the ice cream shop.”

“Can’t you walk yourself? You’re heavy, you know.” Despite bickering, you willingly bent down and told Minju to get on your back.

However, she refused and insisted on being carried on the front.

Minju wrapped her legs around your waist and you felt her moist core pushed up against your crotch.

“No panties?”

“Shut up, just go.”

You’re sure she already felt it but your cock was rock hard and bulging out after knowing your girlfriend’s kinky behavior.

As you carried her towards the store, every little movement and vibration of a step caused your clothed bulge to rub against Minju’s bare pussy.

Minju tried her best to hold back her moans but occasionally some slipped out which attracted the attention of people nearby.

Not only do you have to deal with the weird glances from the passersby, but also your internal desire to fuck Minju then and there.

At the last 100 meters, Minju’s soft moans suddenly became a deep groan, her whole body gripped on yours as she orgasms. A gush of fluid wettens your pants on the crotch area.

Just as Minju recovered from her bliss, you spotted an empty alley and headed there.

Making quick work of your pants with Minju still hanging on you, you swiftly inserted your cock into her drenched pussy.

Guess she won’t have a clean skirt to go home with.

Spooning - Taeyeon

*This one is a little long

After watching Aladdin at the cinema, you headed home alone.

Windy, starry night, with roads empty due to the cold weather. You enjoyed this lonely feeling, it was what you’re used to after all. It brought peace to your mind, away from the loneliness in your shack, away from the judging eyes of society.

All was good until a shady looking fella approached from the opposite direction. He was carrying a big gunny bag behind him, panting. It must’ve been heavy.

At first glance, you would’ve assumed him to be a murderer, carrying a fresh corpse behind him.

He approaches you and tells you hastily “Do you want a body pillow? It has a really beautiful lady on it.”

Totally weirded out. “No thanks, I have no use for it.”

“Just take it, bye.” He dumped the bag onto you, the weight of the bag bringing you down to the ground. He’s nowhere to be seen after you stood back up, disappeared into the wind.

Not wanting to be fined for random disposal of garbage, you carried the gunny bag home. The road home was an ascend, filled with potholes and untamed bushes, fitting for the blighted part of town you live in. Those combined with your fat figure made you pant the whole way home.

You carried the gunny bag home and opened the thing inside. Well at least he wasn’t lying when he said it had a beautiful lady on it at least.

Beauty is relative, but the woman on the pillow was undoubtedly a good view for the eye, especially when compared to your face which only your mum could love.

The day was a long one for you. You were prepared to go to bed by then. Instead of throwing it away, you just hugged the body pillow and went to sleep.

Sleeping naked, you wanted to rub the magic lamp before sleeping, but ultimately decided against it. Whilst falling asleep, you subconsciously rubbed the body pillow a few times, its material comfy enough to not become trash.

Suddenly a weird smoke came out from the body pillow followed by a bright glow of light.

You were temporarily blinded but when you regained vision you saw a fine lady in front of you.

“Hi, my name is Taeyeon. I’m genie for you boy. Tell me your wish”

“Damn, I must’ve been way too absorbed in the movie to be dreaming like this.” You thought.

“You’re not dreaming sir, I will fulfill 3 wishes of yours”

Remembering how your life had been a family friendly film without any adult action scenes, more Spongebob than Fifty Shades of Grey, you’re not going to miss the dance to rectify that.

“Well you do look quite hot, it won’t hurt to have a wet dream. I wish to fuck you while hugging you.”

“Your wish is granted, Sir”

Taeyeon slowly removed her clothes, her perky breasts bouncing out of her bra, her removal of panties unveiled her cleanly shaven pussy, all illuminated by moonlight shining on her fair skin.

She snuck into your embrace, which wasn’t the most comfortable position due to your bloated size, but it still worked. Grabbing your adorably sized cock, she impaled herself onto your cock and started moving.

Your sexual awakening felt incredible, Taeyeon’s pussy was tightly squeezing your cock. You couldn’t go very deep, and you felt sad about it.

“I wish for you to praise me.”

“Your wish is granted, Sir”

Taeyeon’s moans went from soft squeaks to loud groans, her movement increasing in pace.

“Yes Sir, you fill me up so good.” Even though you knew she was just fulfilling your wish, you couldn’t help but feel proud of yourself for the first time in your life.

With the encouragement boost, you began to thrust your dormant hips into her, in unison with her thrusting down.

“Sir, why are you growing bigger. Ahhh”

You’re growing bigger, that’s good to know. Your banging grows in strength to the point of moving the bed with you.

Your neighbours would look down on you even more but you didn’t care. For the first time in forever, you’re doing something you like and you won’t let others disturb you.

“Hghhhh, I’m cumming Sir.”

“Me too. AHhhh, let’s cum together.”

Together, something you weren’t particularly familiar with. The orgasm was great, the sex was great, but even better was doing it with someone who enjoyed and appreciated you.

“One more round?”

“Sorry but I’m too tired sir, you fucked me too good.”

“Thanks for saying that but you don’t need to flatter me.”

“No I mean it sir, you’re the best one I’ve had.”

Warmth filled your insides, not only did your first sex didn’t go down the drain, she even praised you for being good. Your vision was becoming blurry, but you’re sure it was sweat flowing from your forehead.

“Alright then, good night Taeyeon.”

“Good night Sir”

As you awaken the next morning, Taeyeon’s morning visuals stunned you. You haven’t had the chance to properly see how she looked but now that you did, she was gorgeous.

At the same time, Taeyeon also woke up from her sleep.

“Last night was incredible Sir. You were so good.” Her compliment made you replay the scene from yesterday. It had been a long time since anyone had said you’re good at anything.

“That reminds me, you have one more wish Sir, please make the most out of it.”

“What will happen to you once I make my last wish? Will you just disappear? Will last night just be another sweet memory that I’ll forever replay in my mind?” Tears were beginning to form as you’re about to go back to the lonely dark self after experiencing how good things could’ve been.

“Unfortunately. Yes Sir.”

An idea suddenly struck you, “What if I wish for you to stay with me forever?”

“Your wish will always be fulfilled Sir.”

“I wish for you to stay with me forever.”

“Your wish is granted, Sir”

With that, another burst of light blinded you and you’re left alone in your room again, back to square one. Why did you think that you could escape this lonely life destined for you?

One day as you’re going back home from another movie, you saw someone carrying a gunny bag.

The scene felt awfully familiar. You approached the person and realised it was a girl this time around.

“Hi, my name is Taeyeon. I’m from the Girls Generation Genie Team. We work to grant the wishes of all lonely kids in the area. Could you help me with this bag of supplies?”

“Yes! Yes!”

Maybe being a lonely kid wasn’t so bad afterall.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Hope you’ve enjoyed it. Feel free to tell me anything wrong or where I still need to improve.

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simpinforkirari · 3 years

Text

manager-chan >:)

(nekoma x manager! reader)

heyy~ 🤠 im back lollz. i was bored when i made this, and was craving it too. also, want the masterlist?

✎ warnings: a lil cursing. if you notice something, pls tell me :]

✎ word count: around 700 words

✎ also-! fem! reader:)

first of all, they love you sm ≧◡≦

cannot explain that enough

OKAY lets continue

you didn’t plan on being their manager at first but it was worth it 🥺🥺

you were just lev’s really cool friend who took good care of him like a really cool cousin, yk :))

lev suggested that you become their manager

so you thought about it, and did it :DD

when you showed up,,, OH LAWD

they were so happy- AGHAHFHSG

it was mainly yamamoto who showed it tho

it was funny cuz kuroo forced everyone to calm down since he didn’t want to scare you away

its been a while since they had a manager yk o(╥﹏╥)o

(its 1:11 am and im just spewing out whatever i feel like)

when its break time and you just wanna finish some homework you usually stay with kenma, you find the sounds from his game comforting

when you need help with your hw tho, you can count on kuroo to help you out :))

feel sad? no worries fukunaga and yamamoto got you covered (●´ω｀●)

hehe, watch them talk about that time fukunaga had to throw water at tora and kenma loll

there are times when you walk to school with lev and get distracted by the cats

how do you even explain that to them. to be fair they were cute

lev: “manager-chan! yaku kicked my shin D:“

yaku: “WELL THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP COMMENTING ON MY HEIGHT”

lev: “i wasn’t trying to be mean, yaku-san ( ︺︹︺)”

literally theres been so many times that this happened and you just dont know what to do about it anymore-

sometimes when they’re sweaty they wipe the sweat off with their shirt

and youre like- >:(

you: “guys! dont use your shirt that has germs on it, you know. use a towel >:)“

you proceed to make then bend down (if you’re shorter than them) so that you could dab the sweat off for them (￣ｰ￣)

THEY GO CRAZY,,, LIKE AHHH OUR MANAGER IS SO SWEET

AND SHE CARES ABOUT HYGIENE TOO :DD

now they always wipe their sweat with their shirt so that you’ll get mad and do it yourself lol

this is getting quite long, at least for me

during competitions they don’t let you out of their sight because THEY JUST KNOW SOMEONE WILL LOOK AT YOU

THEY CAN FEEL IT- (⊙︿⊙)

training camp time :D

tora was SO ready to show you off

tora: “check out our new manager, tanaka! shes a bad bitch, and she’ll mess up your day if you do something wrong >:)”

tanaka: “where- i dont see her”

you: *is once again petting a cat you saw with lev*

yes, very much bad bitch of you

ok but like can you imagine yamamoto and tanaka just competing over who’s manager is cooler. all managers are cool tho, fr

and nishinoya being tanaka’s personal hype man

but you see, tora knew just what to do to prove that you were the best manager

tora: “manager-chan~ come here“ *proceeds to “accidentally” wipe his sweat off with his shirt*

you: “toraaaa! i told you to stop doing that >:(”

tora: *is smirking cuz he knows damn well whats about to happen*

you take his towel and gesture for him to get closer

he just has this really smug face

lowkey everyone was watching cuz of how loud they were arguing

you proceed to dab his sweat off like a stressed out mother then walk away to continue your convo with yukie and kaori

nishinoya got so quiet GAHGDJHGD

and tanaka just- 🧍‍♂️

when the barbecue came you were lowkey so happy cuz like- BBQ! >:))

you sat with all the other managers this time, and you got to talk to kiyoko and yachi

IMMEDIATELY BEST FRIENDS

even if youre personalities vary, ya’ll are the coolest friend group 😎✨

you guys even have a groupchat where you managers just roast the shit out of your teams

you lowkey caught tora with tanaka and nishinoya vowing to protect you from the other players 😭✋

you walked away like 🕳👩‍🦯

when the training camp ended and everyone was in the bus already

it was just really quiet, and they were all just thinking

i’d like to think that the training camp was when they realized that they were very lucky to have you as their manager

this was rushed because i wanted to get it done before i get unmotivated again. longest one i’ve ever made so far :))

i got the gif from here

#THIS WAS REALLY BAD #i'm so sorry #GAHSHHS #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x manager #nekoma x manager #nekoma x reader #nekoma! manager #haikyu fluff #haikyu scenarios #haikyu hcs #kenma x reader #kuroo x reader #lev haiba x reader

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shoutaaizawas · 4 years

Note

Hey I saw your Dabi fics and I really love it 💕💕 For the event, can I please have Dabi with fake dating au and “Look at you... Goodness, you’re so cute.”?? Thank you so much 💗

thank you for this, i hope you don’t mind i went for a touya dabi for the sake of the plot here. hope you enjoy 💖

↳ dabi/touya todoroki x reader → “not real”

event: au prompt event summary: touya wants to bring you to dinner to pretend to be his girlfriend to upset his father. it doesn’t go quite as planned. word count: 1,942 tags/warnings: -light angst a/n: so on top of fake dating this is an au where the todoroki family is more functional that in the show but still messed up if that makes sense. writing dabi as touya was really fun tbh. also i lowkey ship fuyumi x hawks if i haven’t mentioned that before 👉👈🥺 (it’s only mentioned in this story)

Touya Todoroki was your friend, you had known him a long time. You were very close, you not only did a lot together but you shared a lot with each other. You knew about his family life and why avoided home so often so you were shocked when he told you he would be going to dinner at his family’s house.

“Will you pretend to be my girlfriend?” His words caught you off guard, you almost spit out your drink.

“What?” You asked. It would have been shocking regardless but you happened to have a crush on your best friend as well.

“I’m stuck going to this thing I might as well have some fun with it.” He said putting his hands behind his head as he stretched out on the couch. “My dad will be pissed that your quirkless it’ll be hilarious.”

“Are you sure it’s worth it stirring up trouble?” You asked. Being quirkless was a bit of a sensitive subject, not that you talked about it a lot.

“Yeah. And it would be nice having my best friend there to keep me sane.” He said with a smirk.

“Okay, if you want me to.” You told him. You knew it might be a bad idea but you wanted to help Touya out.

That’s how you ended up standing in front of the Todoroki estate wearing the nicest dress you had in your closet even though Touya tried to convince you to wear sweatpants. You convinced him to wear something normal, telling him that he was trying to make his dad mad not upset his mother. That shut him up pretty quickly.

You were nervous, to say the least, his family was intimidating, not only their high-class standing but knowing their personal history added another layer.

Touya’s hand enveloped yours as you waited for someone to answer the door and your heart nearly stopped. You had to remind yourself in your head that this wasn’t real. You weren’t Touya’s girlfriend. You were just here to upset his Dad. How did you get yourself into this?

The door opened and Enji Todoroki stood in the doorway nearly taking up all the space there. You gulped silently. You had seen the man on TV but in person, he was far more intimidating. This was a bad idea.

Enji looked at you for a moment before looking at his son.

“Who’s that?” He asked not even directing the question to you.

“My girlfriend. Move.” He said, pushing past his father and pulling you behind him. Touya’s words sent your heart fluttering and you had to repeat your mantra. This isn’t real.

Touya lead you into the kitchen where his mom was working on dinner. You had met her once before, she was sweet. You had been at Touya’s house and she stopped by to bring him some groceries.

“Touya.” She said with a big smile on her face as she set down the knife she was using to chop vegetables. “You brought your friend, it’s so good to see you again.” She said before giving you both hugs.

“My girlfriend.” He corrected. This wasn’t real.

“Oh, how lovely. I thought you two would end up together.” She says with a smile. This isn’t real. You notice an odd expression on his face. He probably feels bad lying to her.

His sister, Fuyumi joins the conversation.

“Wow, Touya brought his first girl home. She must be a brave soul to face this family.” She jokes. This isn’t real.

Rei gives her a look that’s familiar to anyone who’s ever said anything that has annoyed their mother.

“Can’t say the same for your bird-brain boyfriend.” Touya shoots back at his sister.

“Keigo is a very busy man, he doesn’t have a lot of free time.” She says folding her arms.

“Good excuse.” He returns.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Rei says, giving you an apologetic look.

“Sorry, mom.” They said in unison.

“Do you need any help with dinner?” You asked Rei.

“Oh, thank you for the offering. But everything is almost done.” She said with a smile. “You guys can go wait in the living room with Shoto and Natsuo.”

With that, you followed Touya and Fuyumi to the living room.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m sorry about that. Not the best introduction but I can never miss an opportunity to get on Touya’s nerves.” Fuyumi said giving you a smile.

“Understandable.” You joked.

The living room was large and fancy, you had a feeling the furniture in this room alone was worth more than everything in your apartment. Including the apartment. Shoto and Natsuo sat there watching TV. You had met Natsuo and Shoto before so they weren’t unfamiliar. You knew Touya and Natsuo were very close, in fact, Natsuo knew of Touya’s plans tonight. Not that he approved of them but he wouldn’t spoil it.

Natsuo gave Touya a disapproving look before smiling at you. Shoto nodded in your direction. All of you made idle conversation until Rei told everyone dinner was ready.

Stepping into the dining room was terrifying. Enji sat at the head of the table and Rei sat down beside him. You followed Touya sitting as far away from Enji as you could. You shouldn’t have agreed to this. You prayed the focus would stay off of you but you knew it wouldn’t. There was a reason Touya brought you, he knew his family well. Enji was predictable.

The conversation went well for a while. Rei asked polite questions every once and a while in between everything. Just when you thought you’d get through the dinner without anything happening Enji looked to you.

“What quirk do you have?” The man cut to the chase. You gulped before answering.

“I don’t have a quirk, sir.” You answered.

Growing up wasn’t easy being quirkless. You had other children bullying you, teasing you, saying horrible things all because you didn’t have a quirk. But most of the time you were your own worst enemy. It hurt watching everyone around you getting exciting quirks while you waited and waited only to find that you didn’t have one.

Not to mention you always dreamed of being a hero but that dream was quickly ended. It was bad enough what you thought about yourself, you didn’t need others saying the same things confirming the truth.

“Touya, you dare to bring this worthless girl into our house.” Enji started. “Do you think I’d ever allow you to waste your time with someone who would only make this family worse?”

It was pitiful, you weren’t proud but tears started streaming down your face. You stood up and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind you before sliding to the ground. You covered your face with your hands, trying to stop the tears. You could hear the stunned silence outside the door before chaos broke out.

“What is wrong with you? How could you say that to a guest at dinner?” Rei scolded, sounding far angrier than you thought possible. “You made her cry!”

“What the hell!” Touya yelled and you could hear his chair fall over as you assumed he stood up.

“What the hell?” Natsuo chimed in. “You’re the one who thought it’d be fun to have her pretend to be your girlfriend. You really didn’t think this would happen? What kind of friend are you? Did you even think about her feelings?”

“What kind of joke were you trying to pull?” Fuyumi jumped in sounding upset.

It was hard to make out what was being said as everyone was talking at the same time. After a few moments it died down and you heard footsteps approach. You looked around the bathroom praying there would be a window you could squeeze out of. Sadly the only window was far too small to get through.

There was a knock on the door.

“I know you’re in there.” Touya’s voice was soft. “Please. Let me in.”

You considered letting him stay out there for a bit but decided against it. You opened the door from your position on the floor, just enough for him to get in. Touya looked at you with a sad expression before sitting down next to you, the side of his thigh against yours.

“I’m sorry isn’t enough.” He said.

“I agreed to this.” You said quietly.

“He’s my father. I knew how awful he was and I never once thought about how you could get hurt. I was being selfish.” He said with a sigh. “I was too busy being an idiot.”

“That’s nothing new.” You teased, giving a sad laugh.

“I didn’t know that it was a sensitive topic. I should have, you’re my best friend. I lo-” Touya cut himself off. “I should have been better to you.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” You say. Touya could be an idiot but he had never been cruel intentionally to you. “I should have said no, I didn’t tell you.”

“Why didn’t you say no?” He asks.

“I just wanted to help you.” You say. Because I love you, is what you meant.

“I didn’t just ask you piss my dad off.” He says and you look over at him. He lets out a breath before continuing. “I guess I just wanted one night where I could pretend you were my girlfriend.”

That wasn’t what you expected him to say. Your eyes widen.

“W-What?”

“I’ve liked you, for a long time.” He explains with an intense look in his piercing blue eyes. “You’re my best friend, you’re always there for me. You help me when I need it, you make me laugh and I love being around you. Most people I get sick of being around in a few hours but with you, I could spend every minute of my life with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

This feels like a dream, suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe and like your hearts going to beat out of your chest.

“Touya, I-” You start but he cuts you off.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I just hope we can still be friends.” He says.

“But I-”

“You really mean so much to me, I would hate to lose you because I-”

This time you cut him off, leaning in to kiss him, silencing his words. Touya catches on quickly and wraps his arms around your waist nearly pulling you onto his lap. You pull back when you need a breath.

“So I take it you feel the same way?” He questions, an eyebrow raised.

“If you stopped cutting me off I was trying to say that, idiot.” You scold.

“Sorry, you know me.” He said before leaning in for another kiss.

You sit there, arms around his neck staring at him with a goofy grin unable to contain the happiness you feel.

“Look at you… Goodness, you’re so cute.” Touya says returning your grin. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I could ask the same.” You smile.

The realization hits that you’re sitting in his family’s bathroom after running out of a family dinner crying. Touya notices your drop-in demeanor.

“Want me to sneak you out and we can get junk food and watch Avatar: The Last Airbender and cuddle till we pass out on your couch?” He asks.

“I sweat you’re the perfect man, even if you are an idiot sometimes.”

taglist: @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bakugousidehoe @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @softkatsuki @x0doodlebug0x @katsuhoee

#dabi x reader #touya x reader #touya todoroki x reader #toya x reader #toya todoroki x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #au prompts #my writing #poplarandfir

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egyptian-sun-god · 3 years

Text

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall.

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8.

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character. Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good.

But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi) Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good.

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season.

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season.

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation.

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor. And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic.

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face.

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested.

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending.

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though.

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled.

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far,

4. Kamala

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds.

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication.

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard.

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet.

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children.

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me.

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend.

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend.

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature.

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot. Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode.

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s.

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand.

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it.

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3.

#nhie netflix #nhie season 2 #nhie s2 #nhie spoilers #nhie review #never have i ever #never have i ever season 2 #never have i ever spoilers #i have a lot of thoughts #bear with me here

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katierosefun · 3 years

Text

well, even though literally no one asked, am i going to do a whole analysis on how the red album is also lowkey about tcw? sure. sh, let me indulge 12/13 year old me.

state of grace:

our wonderful opening track. the lyrics “just twin fire signs / four blue eyes”—from this line alone, i think a lot about anakin and ahsoka and obi-wan, just because what color are their eyes? blue. check and mate.

but on a more serious level: “and i never saw you coming / and i’ll never be the same” speaks to how each of these characters’ lives were interrupted by the presence of the other. obi-wan certainly didn’t expect anakin to come into his life, and i doubted anakin ever expected ahsoka to come into his life.

“love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right” and “these are the hands of fate / you’re my Achilles heel” speaks to how this whole theme of love and how both raw and burning and ruthless love can shine in this specific universe. specifically anakin’s kind of love. additionally, the idea of Achilles heel...i’ve already discussed the parallels between Achilles and anakin and don’t feel like rehashing, but it’s def. worth noting.

“this is the golden age of something good and right and real”...golden age. the war was messy and terrible and shouldn’t have ever happened, but also, i think for that brief moment, disaster lineage was at least together.

red

look me in the eye and lie to me about how this song doesn’t sum up the exhilarating rush that must have been being around someone like anakin skywalker.

“losing him was blue like i’ve ever known / missing him was dark grey all alone / forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met / but loving him was red”: this entire refrain is about that kind of ruthless, very fiery-seeing-red-everywhere kind of sensation that comes with love. (or, as the song alludes, a kind of dangerous love.)

and if we’re talking about dangerous kind of love—“fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer / regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong”...thinking thoughts about how there must have been all these times for the people around anakin to clash heads. bro. what even is that.

“remembering him comes in flashbacks, in echoes / told myself it’s time now, gotta let go”. ha ha. you ever think about the people who live after order 66 and wonder what the hell happened to the person they loved. ha.

treacherous

alright, time to put on the anidala hat. this song is supposed to be all about loving someone and constantly feeling like you’re sliding down a slippery slope. a treacherous path—a reckless path—and yet, and yet, “i like it”.

the whole concept of these two being put in a whirlwind romance matches perfectly with these lyrics: “i can’t decide if it’s a choice / getting swept away / i hear the sound of my own voice / asking you to stay”. this mess of a relationship that probably shouldn’t have happened, but it happened, and now the only choice for these two is to hold on...bro.

i knew you were trouble.

ohhhh god, do i need to explain how this is an anidala song or—

“i was in your sights / you got me alone / you found me”,,,the fact that anakin skywalker really looked at padmé amidala after ten years and automatically went “i love her”. a part of me will always sigh and want to pat anakin’s head that please, please, please control yourself, but what am i supposed to do anyways—

but also, the way this song also addresses all the dangerous things that come with a love that probably shouldn’t have started / shouldn’t have been born with so many secrets. the damning / basically self-loathing lyrics like “the joke is on me” and “shame on me now” is honestly kind of sad, and while i don’t think padmé ever regretted loving anakin (and i’ve covered this so many times, but i think anakin and padmé genuinely loved each other), there was def. a sense of constant danger and fear that one day, all the secrets will come tumbling out / something’s going to happen. and all that ultimately bubbles over in revenge of the sith, right when padmé looks at anakin and just doesn’t see him anymore.

all too well

tbh, this song deserves a whole long post on its own, but i’ll try to be concise. i genuinely think this could be about any of the tcw characters / tcw pairings, but because it’s my post and my obsession, i’ll discuss the disaster lineage. there’s something so quietly sad about the line “but you still got [my scarf] in your drawer, even now” and how that speaks to how obi-wan has anakin’s lightsaber / how anakin has ahsoka’s lightsaber both as himself and as ahsoka after ahsoka left the order / after order 66. the fact that you still have a piece of someone you love(d), long after they’re gone...

the fact that this song is so full of memories and longing and aching and grief over a loved relationship. thinking about the lyrics “you tell me about your past, thinking your future was me” is especially sad because while i don’t think anakin was ever completely open about his childhood / past, i like to think he must have told some stories to obi-wan and padmé and ahsoka about happier moments—and you have to wonder what kind of future anakin saw for himself with his loved ones.

“maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up” speaks to how for a rare, rare moment, we see anakin skywalker as the hero we’re all supposed to like—and we see how it all crumbles apart so fast.

“but you keep my old scarf from that very first week / because it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me” hits especially hard when you think about how vader still has ahsoka’s lightsabers, or the fact that everything goes “back to when i loved you so / back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known”...thinking. a lot about anakin and how the love he felt / received from his friends were real, realer than anything that palpacreep could ever give him. it was all real, and now they’re all memories.

okay, this is just a fun song so i can’t really apply it anywhere, but i like to think there must have been a birthday somewhere along the line / some kind of happy event where there’s some chaotic tcw fam shenanigans. ditching the whole scene and “end[ing] up dreaming instead of sleeping”...i like to think they must have had some kind of happy moment like that.

i almost do

this song honestly reminds me the most of anakin and ahsoka. do you ever think that ahsoka might have wanted to reach out to anakin at some point? how “it takes everything in me not to call you”—how she might wish that she could talk to him again but every time she doesn’t, she almost does. (and ha. this makes their S7 reunion even more painful.)

the whole “i bet you think i either moved on or hate you” and “i bet it never ever occurred to you that i can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye” speaks mostly to that very same reunion. the fact that ahsoka and anakin leave so many things unsaid—the fact that ahsoka restrains herself, cites that reason for the fact that they’ll just catch up another time...when that another time never happens.

we are never ever getting back together

hahaa, i can’t quite laugh about this but also i can because i kinda made a crack edit of disaster lineage + this song over the summer, and it really is just a joke but also...lol vader + ahsoka + obi-wan, but more specifically ahsoka and vader in their reunion in rebels lol. they’re never getting back together, geddit? they “used to think [they] were forever” and “[sigh] he calls me up again and is like i still love you and like,,,this is exhausting, you know?” yeah, me too sis. 🙄

stay stay stay

okay, okay, okay, maybe going a little bit into crack-y happy tcw feelings, but all i’m saying is that i love the image of these dorks staying for each other, you know? the whole “you took the time to memorize me” and “all those times that you didn’t leave / it’s been occurring to me i’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” and “no one else is gonna love me when i get mad” makes me kinda soft but also sad knowing that one of the tragedies of tcw fam is that no one really stays.

the last time

highkey the whole clovis arc in season 6. but anyways, especially the lines about “this is the last time i’m asking you this / put my name at the top of your list” speaks a lot to me about this hunger (yeah, this is @ anakin) to be someone’s first choice. it’s about the anger and jealousy and dull pain of knowing that everyone else’s priorities are elsewhere (and that’s not their fault, but you still feel like it is).

but if we’re thinking about the clovis arc especially, i think a whole lot about anakin + padmé, as well as anakin and obi-wan, esp. in these lyrics: “you wear your best apology / but i was there to watch you leave” and “all those times i let you in / just for you to go again”. we know anakin and padmé were...going through it in this arc, but specially anakin and obi-wan’s conversation—the one where obi-wan’s trying to reach anakin? we see obi-wan briefly open up (ie. about satine!) and anakin quickly shuts it down, and when obi-wan leaves, we see the pain on both of their faces because this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go.

but also, if we’re circling back to anakin and padmé’s relationship in this arc especially: the really, really painful lyrics about “this is the last time you tell me i’ve got it wrong” and “this is the last time i say it’s been you all along” and “this is the last time i let you in my door” and “this is the last time / i won’t hurt you anymore”...this arc truly explores just how deep the hurt can run when you have a secret relationship. how quickly love can blur into possession and jealousy and anger, and we see that in how anakin and padmé just...both crumble apart, especially in that one bit when padmé basically says she doesn’t want to see anakin for a little while. like. idk. it’s just sad, because this arc really showed just all the issues and problems within a relationship built on lies.

holy ground

oh god, what a fun song. but anyways, just to kick things off: “and darling, it was good / never looking down / and right there where we stood / was holy ground” speaks to a relationship that was good, even if it was wild and brief. which. disaster lineage.

the whole “i guess we fall apart in the usual way / and the story’s got dust on every page” and “i see your face in every crowd” vibe too—these idiots miss each other, and they probably see each other where they’re not supposed to. there was nothing unusual about their falling apart, of course, but something about this song compels me to think about how even in the grief and pain that ultimately drags ahsoka and obi-wan down especially, i think they still are fond of their happier memories with anakin.

also, “tonight i’m gonna dance for all we’ve been through” and “but i don’t wanna dance if i’m not dancing you” makes me a little sad because i think a lot about the fall of the empire and how the whole galaxy is out celebrating, but there’s a certain togruta woman who can’t completely celebrate because now she knows that. her whole family. really is gone.

sad beautiful tragic

this whole song is so tragic, but. anyways. more tragic disaster lineage vibes. the words “words, how little they mean / when you’re a little too late” makes me want to scream because i think a lot about how in rebels, ahsoka tells vader that she won’t leave him—not this time—and obi-wan crying that he loved anakin—the real tragedy here is that these were all words that anakin should have known deep down, but he didn’t, and they all felt late. their timing is terrible.

and “in dreams, i meet you in warm conversation” screams to me this one passage about how obi-wan dreams about anakin, although those dreams are anything but warm. but the idea of how obi-wan still dreams and how “time is taking its sweet time erasing you”—because in the kenobi novel especially, obi-wan explicitly struggles...a lot with anakin’s loss. he definitely gets...sad and tries to remember how the hell it all happened. he keeps pulling out anakin’s lightsaber and just. forcibly puts it away because he knows looking at it would cause just more grief and oh yikes.

the lucky one

ngl i forgot how fuckign good this song is,,,bro. anyways, i think this def. speaks to the og prequel trilogy trio especially, because i think they were all seriously going through with the whole...reputation thing. thinking mostly about how anakin, padmé, and obi-wan are all supposed to be these heroic / cool / beautiful figures who everyone’s supposed to look up to when in reality, they were all struggling with something. also lol the fact that obi-wan and anakin were both propped up as war propaganda figures in-universe because of palpacreep def. speaks to that whole “they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one”.

and “they tell you that you’re lucky / but you’re so confused because you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used” and “you wonder if you’ll make it out alive” hurts the most, i think, just because how they apply to all those in prequel trilogy. anakin, obi-wan, and padmé—not to mention all the other jedi and the clones, oh god, the clones—were all fighting a war that ultimately didn’t matter, and they were all fighting a war that didn’t leave them as heroes. it just left them as pawns.

but i think if there’s any hope—any hope at all in this song, i think it’s in the last lyrics: “and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared / how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out” reminds me the most of probably ahsoka and rex, or the people who survived the mess that was the clone wars. granted, rex didn’t exactly have the choice that ahsoka had, because she was the one who really made the big decision to look around herself and say “nope, i can’t be a part of this order”. she got the hell out.

everything has changed

hear me out, but i just think this makes for a cute anakin and ahsoka song, esp. their very cute beginnings. just like. as soon as they meet each other, both of them are ultimately changed. the fact that ahsoka has been noted to be the key to understanding who anakin is—the fact that it’s ahsoka’s relationship / interactions with anakin that ultimately makes him a better person because they’re siblings, your honor—yeah. very much the cute “all i know is we said hello”...the lyrics going on about “i just wanna know you better” and “your eyes look like coming home” makes me soft because. i think that while yes, they had their own rocky beginning, the difference between anakin and ahsoka’s relationship vs. anakin and obi-wan’s (rip i love anakin and obi-wan and i genuinely believe that obi-wan was the best teacher for anakin, and i think their bond is incredibly special, but.......boys please communicate better) is that i think anakin makes a really explicit effort to make sure ahsoka knows that like. he wants her around.

idk—i’m not saying obi-wan didn’t want anakin around! but i think one of the greatest tragedies of their relationship is that anakin always seemed to just. not click with obi-wan’s own demonstrations of love / i want you to be here messages. (the gambit duology goes a little more into this—only in those books, anakin and obi-wan actually talk a little about their feelings! which is nice!) but anyways, point being: anakin and ahsoka really looked at each other and were like “oh yeah. you’re my idiot now.” and i think that’s really cool of them.

starlight

oh god, this is kind of an anidala song but i also am tempted to say obitine song just because of that one line about “pretending to be a duchess and a prince” because,,,lol duchess geddit? and overall just think it’s really cute because. summer love!!!

but also, i do see this as an anidala song because “he was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me / don’t you dream impossible things?” because i see anakin as most certainly that dreamy-eyed boy who looks at padmé and is just. like that. (and we see a whole ton of that, esp. in aotc and how padmé initially is like “this is a terrible idea” and eventually winds up falling in love anyways, as one does.)

begin again

this song is odd because it doesn’t really give me overwhelming star wars feelings, but it does remind me a little bit of how ahsoka must have felt getting with the rebels crew. because i think ahsoka must have “watched it begin again” when she noted kanan and ezra’s interactions with each other, and i feel like when she’s with ezra, she sees a lot of the young padawan she used to be, and i think there must have been a point where she recognizes that “what’s past is past”. she’s watching everything begin again.

the moment i knew

this is another one of those songs that makes me sad about anidala because it seems like they’re always getting interrupted? the idea of being told that someone’s going to show but it might not happen because life (ie. war! there’s a war!),,,and still not being able to be really that sad about it in public makes me sad. just. i’m reminded of this one moment in tcw where anakin has to leave early because of something and just. the lyrics “what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show”—like, of course, we see anakin sneaking off, but i def. think in that one tcw episode, we get a glimpse of. how lonely life might be if you’re just. waiting for someone to come home, only to realize that they might not show.

come back...be here

ha....hahahahaa weirdly both anakin and ahsoka and obitine feelings? give me a second.

okay, so as for anakin and ahsoka first: “i can’t help but wish you took me with you” hits hard just because of the time anakin tells ahsoka that he knows what it feels like to want to leave the order. just. oh god.

and then there’s this bit of “this is when the feeling sinks in / i don’t wanna miss you like this” hits hard, esp. considering the whole utapau arc where anakin accidentally slips in ahsoka’s name. he misses her, and i don’t think he really wanted to show that—but it sinks in so hard and fast for him, and it hurts so much oh god

also, the “right when i was just about to fall”: i know that in this context, fall is supposed to mean falling in love, but. the fact that anakin is literally about to fall like,,,a few days after his reunion with ahsoka. i cry now!

as for obitine: ahahahaha. pain, esp. considering how they probably separated after their year on the run? thinking about how that goodbye must have been like—mostly thinking about how there’s so much history between the two. how strange it is that they “didn’t know each other at all”, and how they might have had “the feeling they could know so much without knowing anything at all”, and now i think about how both of them could have “stumbled through the long goodbye”. i think a lot about those years of separation and how satine confesses how she had been in love with obi-wan for a long time—and how that in itself...wondering how or when satine knew for certain that she had fallen in love with the young jedi who came to her aid. thinking about how her “falling in love in the cruelest way” is how that whole falling in love—and realizing just how in love she was—is so cruel, because like. you know. when you’ve been in love / are loving someone for like...ten years....that’s kinda intense ngl

girl at home

lol this song doesn’t really fit with anything star wars related because i don’t think anyone in tcw would actually cheat on their loved ones? still 100000/10 a bop of a song though, and i still think it’s one of swift’s more mature songs, 10000/10 recommend.

#caroline talks #my essay #can you believe i spent 2.5 hours writing this

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iwaisa · 4 years

Text

request: hello! can i pls request hc for bakugou, shinsou, todoroki and tamaki with a crush who has a devil type of quirk? she can summon demons to battle with her, and if desired, she could even be able to tempt you. She also has this axe similar to zack’s from angels of death or kite from hxh. She’s super skilled but she’s not evil or anything, she’s rly playful and likes to tease. I’m sorry if this is hard to write or it makes you uncomfortable, i’ve had this idea for a while..😅 thank you!!❤️- anon

a/n: i actually love this idea so much it’s so cool !! and it was super fun to write <3 (i really hope i interpreted this correctly!) thank you for requesting! :D

bnha boys crushing on a girl with a devil quirk

pairings: bakugou, shinsou, todoroki, tamaki x female reader

warnings: swearing, suggestive content

► now shuffling...

he looked at you and instantly went “holy shit she’s badass.”

he LOVED your quirk. he thought it was insanely awesome.

of course, he won’t ever tell you this because he’s a tsundere ❤️

and because he stutters when he’s around you

lowkey was terrified of the demons you summoned when you had to fight him

yk how he screams like a girl in the dub? yeah❤️

you teased the hell outta him for that.

he kinda hated you for that but he still couldn’t stop admiring you

he also thought your axe was badass

he always seemed to be out of it whenever he watched you entice your sparring partner, and he thought it was so hot

he didn’t even know he had a crush on you (because he kept oogling you and checking you out) until kaminari and sero brought it up

“bakubro! stop oogling l/n! she’s gonna get creeped out!”

he hit kaminari while sero just laughed so bakugou hit him too

one time, you got together with kami and sero to prank bakugou, which ended horribly

after the prank, bakugou got so angry he stormed off to his room, slamming his door

apparently, sero and kami never saw him this mad, so they asked you to go calm him down

after about thirty minutes of stalling, you ended up in front of his dorm

you were super hesitant to knock, but you really wanted to see if he was alright

upon knocking on his door, you heard super heavy footsteps and you started getting really intimidated LMAO

he swings open the door and glares at you, asking what the hell you want

once you told him you just wanted to make sure he was alright and you apologized for the prank, his face exploded red in colour

his palms also started sweating, making them explode

he mumbled something along the lines of, “no girl has ever checked up on me like this,” 🥺🥺

you began teasing him again, which kinda set him off

he started yelling about how he ‘just liked you and thought you were so badass and so cute at the same time’

you were confused, but flattered

you told him that you liked him back, and that he should take you on a date with a wink ;)

you were in class 1-a for your skills as a hero in training

he was jealous of everyone in the hero course, but he couldn’t seem to hold a grudge against you

he watched as you defeated not only one, but TWO people in the sports festival

unfortunately, you didn’t win, but you got fourth :)

shinsou was absolutely dumbfounded

how could someone so cheerful and adorable be THAT terrifying in battle??

he’s never been intimidated by anyone, but he found himself shying away from you whenever you tried to spark a conversation with him

until one day you were going to the nurse to get your wounds healed by recovery girl, and shinsou was there sleeping

after recovery girl bandaged you up, you sat on the edge of his bed and ran your fingers through his hair

he didn’t wake up right away, which gave you a good ten minutes or so to admire his face

when he did wake up, he was looking up right into your eyes

he was practically in a sleep paralysis state, and you were just frozen in place

“you’re just dreaming~” you teased, causing him to snap out of his sleep paralysis

“sure.” he grunted while sitting up

“why were you sleeping? don’t you have class?”

“i do. i barely get sleep so i come to recovery girl to take quick naps.”

there was a moment of silence, and shinsou couldn’t take his eyes off you

here you were, sitting next to him in your hero costume (which he thought was extremely hot)

he noticed the bandages and asked you who you were fighting

“oh. bakugou.”

what? you said it as if it was nothing?? bakugou, the most TERRIFYING fighter?? that bakugou?

“i beat him though, so…”

by now he was just completely immersed in you

you were so cute and perfect and you had just beat bakugou??? and you’re talking to someone like shinsou?

“you’re amazing,” shinsou muttered causing you to turn your head towards him

“huh?”

“can i take you out? i think you’re really cool. intimidating, but cool.”

“aww~ does shinsou have a little crush?” you jested causing him to grumble while stand up

“guess i do.”

that sure shut you up.

“what? is l/n embarrassed~” he teased right back.

you rolled your eyes and grabbed his collar, pulling him down to make your lips meet

“what? is shinsou embarrassed~?” you mocked.

he watched you walk out of the office before turning around

“i’d love to go out with you. you’re funny. in a good way.”

and with that, you left a very flustered but excited shinsou to deal with recovery girl’s teasing remarks

he was… very indifferent about the whole ordeal

everyone in class 1-a was welcoming a new student

todoroki just sat in the back of the classroom as usual not exactly caring about anything that aizawa was saying

he watched the new student walk in,

and NOW he was interested

has he ever thought about someone this way??

no. the answer is no.

he’s never actually said to himself that he thinks someone is cute - he just doesn’t have the time

but he simply pushes it off and assumes that nothing will happen and he won’t have to talk to you

months later and you still have the same effect on him that you did when you first transferred

except now, you chose the bi-colour haired boy as your teasing subject

he didn’t exactly understand all of your jokes or teasing remarks, which made for a great person to tease

also, he was way too captivated in your eyes to understand anything that was coming out of your mouth

in battle, todoroki definitely had the most animated facial expressions and reactions to anything he’s ever seen

he was so captivated by your fighting techniques and the demons you summoned?? awesome as hell. your axe?? also awesome as hell.

your outfit??? yeah. todoroki liked that too.

one time he cheered you on as you faced off against iida and he never got so many strange looks in his life

even you were dumbfounded, and you ended up losing to iida because of it

while you were in recovery girl’s office, todoroki was sent to ensure you were okay as per aizawa’s request

he watched as you just finished getting bandaged up, and he took that as his signal to step in and apologize

recovery girl left for a few moments, giving him the perfect time to confess - or so he thought

simply put, he asked if you were okay

then he started rambling about your quirk and how amazing you are - a feat he picked up from being friends with midoriya

you cut him off with a finger to his lips

“if you like me so much, why don’t you just say so?”

he quickly shut his mouth, leaving you to think the worst

“i like you, very much.”

BABIE

ugh he’s literally so intimidated by you

he believes that you’re far better than him in battle and that you should take his place in the top three

he never tells you this though, he’s shaking and facing the wall each time you’re around

so he just resorts to watching you from a distance, cheering you on in his head

one day, you have to face against him

he never shook so much in his life

but he remembered mirio’s words of encouragement, and he was set to go

it ended up with you beating him, because he was caught off guard by one of your demons - which he thought were absolutely terrifying by the way

while your demon was distracting him, you snuck up behind him and just *bonk* on the head with your axe

he ended up fainting, and you were quick to offer to take him to recovery girl

while sitting at the end of the bed waiting for tamaki to wake up, you had a lot to think about

should you tell him how you feel?

you knew he liked you back - the body language and red faces were the most obvious signs

but what if he says no? he doesn’t want to date anyone?

you were snapped out of your thoughts as you felt tamaki’s leg tap you as he was waking up

“morning, sunshine~”

he’s never jumped so high in his whole life

you began laughing, but you were quick to stop when you saw his trembling lips

“hey, i didn’t mean to scare you, i’m really sorry,”

“it’s okay,” he whispered

there were a few moments where neither of you spoke up until you decided to break the silence

“i know you like me,”

his eyes were darting all over the place, but they never met yours

“h-how d-did...you know?” he mumbled

“because you act shyer around me than anyone else. but...i like it”

you were confident on the outside, but inside you were freaking out

so he DID like you back.

you were twiddling your fingers before you felt tamaki shift, and all of a sudden his lips were on your cheek

you slapped your hand on the spot his lips just touched, your mouth hanging open

“c-can i take you...on a date?” he whispered,

you nodded your head quickly, just in time for recovery girl to enter to continue treating tamaki

#bnha #mha #katsuki bakugou #hitoshi shinsou #shouto todoroki #tamaki amajiki #bakugou x reader #shinsou x reader #todoroki x reader #tamaki x reader

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end-this-gay-disaster · 3 years

Text

I’ve decided to list some warrior cat characters I would sell my soul to punt like a goddamn football💕💖

Appledusk- This mf got off easy in my opinion. Like lay it on him Maple baby, he deserves it😩

Rainflower- This was one narcissistic bitch lemme tell you. Imagine disowning your son because he broke his jaw while YOU weren’t watching him and telling his brother multiple times that he was better than your disowned son right where said son could easily hear you. She asked her leader to rename her disowned child after his disability. She kicked him out of the nest and left him in the nursery alone. She got what was coming to her lmao. Shitty moms get vibe checked on rocks. ANYWAYS. Stan Echomist and Shellheart for ditching her ass🥰

Clear Sky- I’m to lazy to type out all the reasons I dislike him a lot so just read the dawn of the clans arc and you can pick up on it pretty quick.

Hawkfrost- Interesting character I’ll give him that. However, his conduct with Ivypool was not it. And he tried killing Firestar. I’m super gay for his sister though so he goes lower on this list.

Breezepelt- Listen y’all, I know my guy was going through it. I really do. But he assaulted a blind doctor and a pregnant woman. Along with other things.

Onestar- THIS IS SUCH A SHAME CAUSE BEFORE HE BECAME LEADER HE WAS SO SWEET BUT THEN HE GOT INFECTED WITH DUMB BITCH DISEASE SO NOW I HATE HIM. Like he was just a prick. He also caused the whole Darktail fiasco cause he couldn’t keep it in his pants lmao.

Thistleclaw- This mf was a shitty mate to Snowfur, was constantly blaming Bluestar, and somehow managed to groom the clan’s medicine cat when she was young😐he was a sucky dad too wtf and a murderer.

Oakstar- You exiled a mother and her three young kits because their father was the guy who knocked your son in the river. I get that. You could have exiled Mapleshade. That would have been understandable. But the kits? Now that was plain spiteful and you mad wrong for that. He also struck me as a pretentious ‘god-fearing’ kinda guy so either way he was a prick tbh.

ASHFUR- I hate him. Like attempted murder apparently was enough to get him into starclan and even though I haven’t read the new series, he apparently possesses Bramblestar? Yeah no. Although I may be a bit biased since Bramble has always been a fave of mine. You go Hollyleaf! Out here doin God’s work.

Brokenstar- I don’t have time to explain.

Tigerstar- Him neither.

Raggedstar- Nor him.

Foxheart- Her name is a goddamn cat curse. That should tell you enough about her personality. She was also such a fucking pick me like Christ on a stick get a personality.

Dawnpelt- She was the only kit of Tawnypelt’s that was irrelevant throughout the entire series and yet she was always the one with her mouth open. She accused a BLIND DOCTOR, of killing her brother. Like bestie he can’t even see him how is he gonna kill him? He was the only one to jump after him as well. Yeah sorry but if you’re brother is still more relevant to the plot in death than you ever were, I’d pack it up sis cause this ain’t gaining you any more book time.

Sandgorse- Just a genuinely bad dad.

Palebird- She suffered from postpartum depression and I felt so bad for her. However there was just some stuff said and done later in Tallstar’s revenge that really turned me off about her character.

Shrewclaw- This dude was a straight up BULLY. He told Tallstar to go die😐he also caused him to have a long-standing fear of the ground. He also blamed him for his mom’s death btw. I love his brother though so Barkface supremacy💞

Willowshine- I forgot what it was about her that ticked me off cause it’s been a while since I’ve read the books. All I remember is that she did something that made me upset so she’s on here.

MILLIE- After Briarlight’s incident she lowkey forgot she had other children and was constantly fighting Jayfeather over what she thought was best for her even though he’s the DOCTOR. She’s also the reason Blossomfall trained in the dark forest so yeah.

Redwillow- He was so insignificant I almost forgot his name. All I remember is him dying after trying to kill his sister I think? Idk he was fighting this she-cat named Snowbird and got bodied so I thought he deserved to be up here.

Windstar- Yeah I just thought she was rude lol.

Tom- He was a massive bitch to Bumble and Turtletail plus he was the reason Turtletail got hit by that car in the first place. Wasn’t he also abusive?

Needletail- I could never remember who’s side she was on. Like in one chapter she would be chilling with her man and Darktail and Sleekwhisker but then in the next chapter she was telling Violetshine how much she wanted to leave but was scared and how she hated them all and then I thought she was turning against the clans for good but then she died for them sooooo🧍‍♀️just major confusion. She was a really cool character though! I thought she was really interesting and one of the greatest multidimensional characters of the whole series. But was sometimes a jerk to Alderheart so points are docked from that.

Spiderleg- He was a shitty dad who didn’t even pay attention to his kits, and he was rude to Daisy which is unacceptable.

Frecklewish- Let a kit drown. Like an innocent kit.

Ravenwing- Also let a kit drown.

Graywing.- I’m not talking about the original Graywing, he’s baby and I love him. I’m talking about the riverclan medicine cat that let a litter of kits drown because they were windclan😐like they were CHILDREN. Y’all can SWIM. You are a doctor and letting innocent kids die? Not a girlboss moment babe.

Stormtail- Another bad dad and was going after Dappletail even though he already had a mate. Wasn’t Dappletail an apprentice when he was flirting with her as well?

Darktail- I’m super sorry your dad abandoned you before you were born but becoming a totalitarian mass murderer? Just.. no.

Hailstar- Rainflower just walked into his den and asked him to rename her son after his disability and he just.. did it. No questions asked. He renamed a traumatized child CROOKEDKIT because his jaw was broken😐that’s fucked up like cmon. Think of the child’s feelings.

Firestar- This mf had no personality other than ‘I’m gonna be friends with everyone and save the day cause I’m the main character!!’ Yeah. Bland af. He also did a lot of questionable things pertaining Bramblestar so check out my other post on that if you want.

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nightshade-minho · 4 years

Text

-Nightmare- (6)

Warnings: You’ll lowkey want to slap both Minho and Y/n for being oblivious idiots

Over the next few days, things went by as normal as they could. Out in public, the two of you held hands, kissed cheeks and foreheads and went on fake dates. By the time Saturday rolled around, almost everyone on campus was aware of your relationship.

It was a dreary morning. You sat in your room, watching a movie on your laptop as you munched on some strawberries. You could very well watch said movie in the living room- but you didn’t want to run into Minho. When in private, the two of you now barely said a word to each other.

Meanwhile, Minho didn’t know what to do. He wanted to apologize to you, but he never got the chance to. As soon as the two of you reached home, you would immediately walk into your room and slam the door shut.

He knew he had been an asshole, but he’d also gotten used to you forgiving him easily. He knew he deserved every bit of anger that you were directing towards him.

He was sitting on the sofa, scrolling mindlessly through his phone when he received a call. He checked the caller ID and realized it was Mera. Frowning, he answered it and pressed it to his ear.

“What the fuck do you want?” He sighed.

“Are you actually dating that skank? For real?”

He felt anger boil in him. “Don’t fucking call her that. She’s my best- I mean, girlfriend. If you’re just jealous and sore that you can’t have my dick anymore, there are plenty of other guys here that would be willing to fuck you. So leave me alone.”

She tsked. “Always so hot-headed. This isn’t a booty call, I’m just calling you so that I can warn you.”

“Warn...me...?”

“Yes. You haven’t always been very nice to me, but god you were good at fucking.”

He sighed, frustrated.

“Rina’s still pretty mad at you. She’s also desperately trying to prove that Y/n’s not your girlfriend. You two seem pretty genuine to me, but she’s convinced that you’re faking it...which is why she invited you and Y/n to her party.”

Fuck. He’d completely forgotten about the stupid party she’d invited them to.

“How exactly..?”

“I don’t know. Just be careful. Bye.”

She cut the call, and Minho grunted in annoyance as he walked over to your room, knocking.

You looked up from your laptop, frowning. You elected to ignore it, but then the knocks grew so loud that you pushed the bowl of strawberries aside, opening your door with an exasperated expression on your face.

He sighed. ‘Look, I know we’re not exactly on good terms right now. But, we have a crisis. I think Rina’s onto us.”

You exasperation melted away, replaced by confusion. “What? How?”

He explained what Mera had told him, watching as your expressions contorted.

“Can’t we just...not attend the party?”

“Are you mad? I go to every party. She would immediately realize that something’s up. We have to attend. We just have to be extra alert, okay?”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead, letting out a tired ‘Okay.’

He exhaled, shoving his hands in his pocket. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I really am. I don’t have any excuses. You’ve been doing nothing but help and I’ve just continued being a complete dickhead...”

You shook your head. “It’s fine.” You went to close the door. “Which time should I get ready?”

“About 10? And wait-”

You closed the door in his face. He groaned.

***

You didn’t come out of your room till about 9:45. Minho was still in his sweatpants when you came out, nonchalantly fluffing up your hair.

He groggily looked up, eyes widening when he saw you in your grey graphic halter-top and black ripped jeans. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, opting to just stare instead.

You turned around, your eyes landing on him, eyebrows knitting in confusion. “Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

Minho cleared his throat as he tore his eyes away from you and stood. “I like being fashionably late. Also, where’d you get your outfit from? I’ve never seen you wear anything like that before.”

You shrugged. “Back of my closet. You were the one who told me that I had to match your aesthetic more, right?.

He nodded. “Well, you look hot.”

“Thanks.” You grinned.

He gave you an awkward smile before going to his room, finding a random grey turtleneck and leather jacket to throw on. He came back out, watching as you sat on the sofa, tapping your foot as you waited. There it was again...that feeling.

He grabbed his car keys, walking to the door. You looked up when you heard his footsteps, heart thumping at how good he looked. But then again, it wasn’t really anything new.

***

When you reached Rina’s sorority house, you grimaced at the loud music blasting through the speakers. There were people making out even on the lawn, and the place was fully packed. You fought the urge to cover your ears and curl up into a ball on the floor. Glancing at Minho, you rolled your eyes at how he looked completely at ease. This was his habitat, after all.

You stayed by Minho’s side, silent as he was continually greeted by a lot of people you barely knew. You recognized Chan and Jisung, but none of the others. Soon, the two of you were finally able to enter the heart of the party, and you were already exhausted...by the end of the night, you were pretty sure you’d drop dead.

Minho made his way to the kitchen, grabbing your hand so you wouldn’t get lost in the crowd. He filled a red cup with liquid before handing it to you. You shook your head with a look of disgust and he shrugged, chugging it down and quickly replacing his cup with more. You watched uncomfortably as he was greeted by yet another guy, who gave him a high-five before chattering excitedly. Looking away, you tiredly scanned the room, boredom quickly filling your mind.

An hour went by, and you finally gave up. You snatched Minho’s half empty cup and tossed the liquid back, wincing at the taste. He gave you a look of surprise. “About time.” He said, before turning his attention to yet another person who’d come to talk to him. Hyunjin was his name. He looked nice, you noted. You crossed your arms, internally groaning, the music giving you a light headache and the alcohol burning your throat. You couldn’t fathom how this could be enjoyable in any way.

Suddenly, your eyes became aware of the redhead in the very center of the throng of dancing people. She was grinding up against a boy you thought looked familiar. In a second, you realized her eyes were on you. She smirked at you before looking away.

You poked Minho’s arm lightly. “I just saw Rina. I think she’s dancing with Juyeon.”

“Ju-who?”

“The guy at the coffee shop? He was the waiter?”

“Oh, him.” Minho scowled. His eyes searched the crowd before he found the two. He shrugged, finishing his cup before glancing at you with a glint in his eye. “Hey, wanna dance?”

You shook your head firmly. “Don’t push it. I’m still mad at you. The only reason I’m here is because of this stupid lie we’re telling everyone.” You looked back at the crowd, wrinkling your nose at the way everyone danced as if they were in a strip club. So many skimpily clad girls...you almost felt bad for Minho, having to stand by his introverted ‘girlfriend’ instead of join in on the action. You could almost sense his longing, coming off of him in waves.

You shook your head, reminding yourself that it was you helping him, and not the other way around.

***

Minho hated that for some reason, parties didn’t give him the same buzz that he used to feel. When did his definition of fun change? The amount of people coming up to him and greeting him was no longer contributing to his liveliness...instead, it tired him. He glanced at you from time to time, noting your crossed arms and curled lip, regarding the party in complete contempt. For some reason, there was a part of him that could relate.

A few hours went by, and Minho couldn’t take it anymore. He was about to grab your hand and leave, especially because the party was thinning out. A majority of the people had already left with their respective hook-ups, or were passed out on the floor.

“Hey, guys!” He groaned at the familiar voice.

You turned around, smiling at Rina.

“Where do you think you’re going? Minho, you never leave a party this early...your ‘girlfriend’ is really changing you.” She hummed. “I’d like to invite you to a little after-party with my close friends.” She gestured behind her. There were about nine people in all, excluding you and Minho. You recognized Juyeon and Mera, and the two girls from the coffee shop, but that was about it. You looked over at Minho, before sighing and nodding.

***

Half an hour later, you were sat on the floor next to your best friend.

Truth or Dare.

You were gagging internally at it. You weren’t high-schoolers anymore...surely college demanded more maturity than this? You really didn’t want to participate in this stupid game.

Judging by the infuriating smirk on Rina’s face, you had a feeling that Mera had been right. You could feel a sense of dread surround you, and when you looked over at Minho, it was evident on his face as well.

Rina placed the bottle in the middle of the circle, spinning it eagerly. It spun around and around, coming to rest on Mera. Rina chuckled excitedly, pulling up her phone. “Truth or dare, Mer?”

She paused, feigning concentration. “Dare,” She said with a smirk.

Rina squinted at her phone. “Ah! It’s a good one. Take a fruit and eat it in the most sensual way possible.”

Mera rolled her eyes with a smile. “That’s tame as fuck.” She got up and disappeared for a while, returning with a banana.

She plopped on the floor, peeling it and getting to work. Disturbingly, she kept looking over at Minho as she did so, lewdly sucking on the phallic object while keeping eye contact with your boyfriend. (Well, fake boyfriend, but still!)

You pursed your lips, looking away...only to see Rina’s eyes on you, carefully gauging your reaction.

“Alright, that’s enough. Let’s move on to the next one.”

As the bottle was spun again, your mind drifted away. You weren’t thinking about anything in particular, but your brain was yearning for your soft bed and your plushie.

“Minho! Truth or dare?” You snapped back into the present, eyes wide.

Minho thought for a while. “Truth.” He said simply.

Rina tapped her chin with her finger as she read off her phone. “Ooh~ What’s the most unusual place you’ve ever had sex?”

He chuckled wryly. “There’s way too many answers for that, unfortunately...too many for me to count.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Fine. Let’s narrow the possibilities down a little bit. What’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex...with Y/n.”

A sudden coldness settled itself in you as Minho sputtered in response. “Uh...sex? Um...”

The silence that followed was too heavy for comfort. Slowly, one of the girls you didn’t know the name of spoke up. “You two...haven’t had sex yet....?”

Minho cleared hIs throat. “Uh...not yet. We’ve only been dating for like, a week...”

A dude in the corner of the room sniggered. “Come on bro, you can’t expect us to believe that you, Lee Minho, haven’t dicked down your girlfriend yet.”

Minho met your gaze uncomfortably.

“Wait...have they even kissed?”

Rina giggled. “Oh, they have! I saw it. It’s just weird because...”

She made eye contact with you. “I distinctly remember Minho pushing her away when she did it.”

You buried your head in your hands. Everything was swimming slightly, and you felt a little sick, perhaps from the alcohol you’d ingested earlier.

“Anyhoo, let’s move on shall we? Their relationship problems are none of our business.” Rina went to spin the bottle once more. “That is, if they even are in a relationship.” She added under her breath.

The rest of the room whispered to each other as you avoided Minho’s eyes, choosing to stare at the spinning bottle.

“Juyeon...okay Truth or Dare?”

“Dare.”

Rina tapped away on her phone before guffawing, a wide grin spreading across her features. “The dare is...you have to kiss the person right across you.”

It took you a few seconds to register that the person sitting right across him was you. Juyeon smirked and winked at you, before crawling closer, taking your cheek in his big hand and leaning in as you sat there dumbfounded.

What occurred next happened so fast, that you’d miss it if you blinked.

Minho pushed Juyeon away, grabbing you and pulling you to your feet, his lips slamming against yours. You squeaked in surprise, the shock quickly giving way to a neediness that threatened to swallow you whole. You quickly melted into the kiss as he licked your bottom lip, asking for entrance. Opening your mouth, you let his tongue dance with yours as you made out passionately, choosing to ignore the flurry of whispers around you. Minho pulled away, still holding you by the waist. His eyes were burning into yours, an inexplicable emotion shining in them. Your lips felt sore and tingly, and you breathlessly leaned back in, wanting more.

The kiss that followed was softer, yet every bit as sensual as the last one. His soft lips insistently moved against your parted ones, wetly sucking and biting as your limbs felt like jelly. He nudged his nose against yours as you seperated, lips swollen and kiss-bitten.

“I love you.” He whispered.

At that moment, Minho’s heart thudded loudly, feeling trapped in his ribcage as he realized that what he’d just said was true. He’d fully meant it. He loved you. He was in love with his best friend.

But all you could feel was pain. Cause there were those words again, those words you’d convinced yourself was a lie for Rina’s benefit, just as false as your relationship. You realized that you’d been stupid to think that this had ever been a good idea. Now that you finally got a taste of Minho, you don’t think you could ever go back... and it scared you. The kiss had been beautiful. It had felt like your whole life led up to this moment. But it was fake...spurious, like the rest of it.

Minho saw the tears in your eyes. He didn’t know what to make of them...or how to interpret them. It felt like feelings he’d been holding down and trapping for years were finally freed...yet he wasn’t happy. He had no idea how you felt about him. He wouldn’t blame you if you hated him. He deserved it. He hadn’t been a good best friend, so why would you want him to be more?

He grabbed your wrist, tearing his eyes away from yours and looking at the people still sitting on the ground, all wide-eyed and with expressions ranging from shock to confusion. His gaze traveled from Juyeon’s face to Rina’s.

“We’re going to be leaving now. Enjoy the rest of the night.” And with that, he dragged you out the door.

#AAAAAH #minho angst #lee know angst #minho fluff #lee know fluff #skz angst #skz fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz #stray kids #minho smut #lee know smut

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hajimeow-archived · 3 years

Note

Yo Hajime talk abt ur kin mems

since there were no specifications on which ones i am going to start from the beginning and go where my brain takes me from there. they're all gonna be for hajime bc i physically cannot think about my other memories anymore jsyk

also! this ended up being so long i had to put a cut. i will not be apologizing because i feel no remorse.

so first the basic stuff, i remember having a med skin tone and a FUCK ton of freckles like those motherfuckers were everywhere i had skin. also i was 5'7 i think?? or 5'6. i still can't remember exactly but it's something like that. i was also alloaro, some form of mlm, unfortunately cis, and autistic and probably had some other stuff like adhd or depression or whatever but i forgot. also i was kinda muscle-y but also chubby at the same time. and i had light green eyes. basically i was fanon hajime JSJSKDJDKS

and i was going over the wiki recently and my personality was EXACTLY how they described it like i'm genuinely surprised they got it so accurate

i don't remember much pre-game and post game, most of my memories are in game but i do remember pre game chiaki really well, honestly i rly miss her :( she would always reassure me that i didn't need a talent and i never even cared when she beat me in games cus just simply playing them with her was so fun .,.,,;:,,...,,!:&:&:jsjdjskskck</3

anyways. in game. ok. i'm gonna skip over memories where i just know feelings and not specific things like strong feelings or ppl saying stuff or else this would be so long. also obvious sdr2 spoilers

so i remember the party & blackout in the beginning of the game pretty clearly. i was mostly just standing alone in the corner and watching everyone have fun, but it was really freeing to see the others able to enjoy themselves in such pressing circumstances. then the blackout-- it was kinda like all that happiness going away and the dread and denial immediately setting in .

anyways i remember like panicking and wanting to cry when i lifted the table cloth cus i really liked twogami. i'm p sure i did end up crying cus i really liked them for their realism and leadership skills, and the realization that one of us killed them and that the killing game was actually real etc etc

anyway i don't remember much from the investigation or trial besides being really freaked out when nagito basically admitted to being the killer n stuff, and pretty much all the body discoveries after that (besides ch 5) we're just like "ah shit here we go again" but i do remember mikans trial really freaking me out when she just straight up shifted completely, and i also remember being really proud of fuyuhiko for putting his walls down a bit and deciding to help everyone out while the despair disease was going around

anyway enough of the boring stuff, i spent basically all my free time with komaeda, chiaki and mikan (in order of frequency) and with mikan i mostly listened to her talk about medical stuff and i comforted her when she needed to vent, but i didn't hang out with her much because the constant apologizing n stuff started to bother me since i really liked seeing her happy. chiaki i would mostly play games with and we wouldn't talk much, but she gave me a really strong sense of familiarity like when we played games together it gave me a shit ton of deja vu

AND i've already talked a lot about komaeda but idc i'm doing it again. so we started talking cus of him waking me up on the beach obvs and i was pretty attached right off the bat, but i stopped talking to him for awhile because the way he acted in the first trial REALLY scared me so i just got a pit in my stomach even being around him

but he was the one who started approaching me first, i'm guessing since he couldn't rly sense anything was wrong he just kinda picked things up where they left off and started talking w me at breakfast n stuff and it was pretty weird at first, but i wanted to give him a chance and didn't wanna be rude so i accepted offers to hang out in his cottage n stuff

i remember he has surgery scars tho and i'm rly mad ppl don't draw him with any!! i think he had about 5 and i don't remember all of them but i know one was a skin graft on his leg and the one on his side/stomach that i touched wassssss for appendix removal maybe???? mmmm i'm not too sure about that one tho

also !!!! his death. hoooooly shit. ok so yunno the despair that junko always talks about ?????? yeah <3!! i remember like once i saw his body and took the reality in i just. straight up could NOT stand i like fell to my knees and jsut . cried. like i had no thoughts my head was so full that it was empty i just kinda sat there and silent cried while chiaki stood next to me it was so awful dude

later while investigating n stuff i felt really bad ab how i treated him and thought about him, and i thought a lot about our last interaction. it was the first time i had ever approached him myself cus usually he'd come to me. i was gonna hang out with chiaki but i wanted to check up on him first, so i did and he told me to go hang out with the others and i just. knew something terrible was about to happen.

OH AND THE FUNHOUSE OMG ok i literally. i usually didn't mind being around komaeda like he was chill most of the time when he wasn't ranting about hope but when he was acting like such a bitch in the funhouse i wanted to punch his stupid twink ass so bad like...... what BUSINESS does this dude have being such an asshole. he doesn't even know what face wash is. what the fuck. which is another fun fact! komaeda did shower every so often which is why he didn't smell that bad but his skin was always so dry cus he didn't know how to actually wash right and do proper skincare so he just washed his face w soap and left it like that

also he didn't need to cut his nails cus they were so brittle they would just break off on their own <3 plus he had a nail biting habit so they just never grew ever

OH AND THIS IS THE SADDEST THING i remember feeling so bad for this man bc i would like put my hand on his shoulder and he would lean into it. i mean i'd tap his shoulder for a SECOND and girl when i let go hed be lowkey so sad i could just sense it like??????dude he needed a hug SSO BAD like when i hugged him in my cuddling memory he was like holding on for dear life but also was like "u dOnT hAvE tO tOuCh TrAsH LiKe mE hAjImE" like dude it was the saddest shit. i want to hug him forever. like what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

also a thing hed do when he started ranting ab hope n shit like he would just go on and on and yunno that one sprite where he's hugging himself yeah he literally did that shit. also sometimes hed just stare dead at me and start backing me into a corner ((ish-- we were usually sitting somewhere but he mostly just got super close to me) and it was the scariest shit i. bro if i saw him like that on the streets i'd return him to the mental hospital like i can remember it somewhat vividly and that shit was TERRIFYING i mean obvs after i shoved him away and told him to cool it he'd apologize and go back to the way he was but jeez dude ....

also a little fun fact the only reason i really kept hanging out with him (i had a few ofc but this was the most prominent) is cus he was hot in my stupid monkey brain. yes that's it. like that's literally pretty much it. i hate admitting it but this post is SO fucking long i doubt anyone's gonna read it anyway so i'm admitting it now lol

anyway i hope u enjoyed :) i'm glad u asked btw! i'm sure you regret it though!

#do not fucking underestimate me #i feel like i'm not allowed to talk about myself in conversation so when i'm asked like this you're NOT hearing the end of it #kinblr #fictionkin #hajime hinata kin #nagito komaeda kin #putting this in tags bc theres so much and. i dunno ajdjdjsjdk #kin talk #ask #bestie neko 💕

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woah-were-halfway-there · 4 years

Text

Along For The Ride.

Word Count: 10.9k

There was just something about the off-season that Carson loved. But realistically, how could she not?

The weather was warm. Carson got to spend loads of time with her loving fiancé seeing as he wasn't busy playing hockey. She could even work from home during it all after landing her managerial position around six months earlier. It was a pretty great setup if Carson was honest.

However, this summer wasn't as peaceful as it had been years prior.

It was the beginning of July. Carson and Auston had been back in Scottsdale for no more than a few days, and it was pretty lowkey. Like always, it took Carson a bit of time adjusting to not being at her home in Toronto. However, this specific year was even more difficult because she was insanely sick.

She wasn't feeling the greatest leading up to their departure from Ontario, which was part of why she and Auston were so late leaving once the season had concluded. Almost every morning, for about a week and a half, Carson woke up at an ungodly hour with the need to vomit.

She convinced herself it was just a bug of some sort or the flu, seeing as some days she wasn't as sick as others. Auston, however, thought it was a bit more severe than that. But, he gave Carson her space because she knew her body best and rescheduled their flights from Toronto until finally, she felt well enough to travel.

Carson's first night back in Arizona was fine. The second, however? Not so much.

After a lowkey day relaxing by the pool with her fiancé and cuddling with their almost fully grown puppy, Frank, Carson, and Auston had plans to go over to his parent's house for the evening.

Seeing as Carson and Auston got engaged during Christmas and didn't have much time to spend with family because of Auston's hockey schedule, they never really got to celebrate the engagement with his family due to how rushed their last visit was. So, Ema took it upon herself to cook a massive meal for the whole family as a way to congratulate the two of them once they were back in Arizona for the summer.

It was nice, too, because Carson has always been relatively close with Auston's family. Ema and Brian considered her to be like a third daughter, while Alex and Breyana welcomed her with open arms and accepted her as someone else they could plot against their brother with. Carson really did love spending time with them, so she was pretty excited about this dinner.

But then things didn't go as planned.

Once Carson and Auston arrived and were greeted by Auston's family, Carson was ushered away so that Ema, Alex, and Bre could all catch up with her while Auston went off with his dad to look at something in the backyard.

Carson was telling Alex how work was going as they walked into the kitchen but then was met by a scent that made her stomach churn so intensely that she had no other choice but to bolt to the nearest washroom.

Concerned over what had just happened with Carson, Auston's mom and sisters followed after her to make sure she was alright. Once she was done throwing up, Carson apologized to them for just running off as Bre grabbed her some Listerine to rinse her mouth out with, and Ema handed her a glass of water.

"I really thought this sickness was passing," Carson sighed as the four of them made their way back to the kitchen.

"Do you know what's wrong?" Alex asked while climbing onto one of the barstools at the island.

"Not a clue," Carson shrugged and sat between Alex and Bre after Ema refused her help with dinner. "Thought that I might've eaten something that didn't agree with me, but I've been sick for well over a week now."

"Have you consistently not been feeling well?" Ema asked as she rinsed off some vegetables and glanced up to her future daughter-in-law. "Auston was saying you'd wake up sick most days and, for some of them, couldn't even get out of bed because of how nauseous you felt."

"Yeah, it's been pretty weird," Carson explained. "Aus has been trying to get me to go to the doctors, and I really should have before we left Toronto, but yesterday and the day before, I felt fine and didn't get sick once. I don't know. Something I smelt as we were walking in here just did not hit me well, I guess, which is strange because you know how much I love your cooking Ema."

Auston's mother smiled at Carson's comment as she turned off the running water and looked away thoughtfully as if debating something.

"Mom, what're you thinking?" Bre asked with a pointed gaze.

"Nothing!" She replied. "I'm just wondering."

"About what?" Alex pressed, causing Ema to sigh.

"Carson, sweetheart, please do not take this the wrong way or that I'm assuming anything," Ema started and looked at Carson. "Just from what you've told me, it got me thinking about how sensitive to smell I was when I was pregnant with these two and Auston. It's common in expectant mothers, as is morning sickness… Do you think pregnancy could be a possibility of what this is?"

Carson's instinctive response was to say no. She didn't think she was pregnant. She and Auston were always so careful, but before she replied, she got thinking.

There's always the possibility of a slip-up, and Carson knew that. She also knew a bit about the symptoms of being pregnant, such as morning sickness and sleepless nights, but then she began thinking about her period and how it had been over a month, maybe two, since she last had it. That's when her eyes widened in shock.

"Oh my..." Carson gasped and covered her mouth as tears began pricking her eyes. "I'm late. I'm so late."

Alex and Bre looked at each other on high alert and spoke in unison. "No way."

Carson glanced around at the three women, who looked back at her with nothing but love and support, but it did nothing to ease her nerves.

Could she be pregnant? It was never really something Carson and Auston talked about. Sure, they made comments about having babies one day, and there wasn't anyone else Carson would want to be the father of her children, but she and Auston never talked about it in depth. She knew that Auston loved kids, but they had only been engaged for all of six months. Was it too soon?

Carson wasn't sure what to think or feel about the possibility of being pregnant, but the symptoms were there and the fact that her period was unnaturally late just added to it all.

"How could I not notice these things?" She groaned and dragged her hand down her face in defeat. "There's just been so much going on, and oh my god, what if I actually am pregnant? How am I supposed to mother a whole child?"

Carson could feel herself begin to panic, but Ema was around the island and pulling her into a hug before it could get too bad, even though she still cried a little bit. Both Alex and Bre joined in, too, trying their best to make Carson feel better and make ease of the situation.

"You don't know for sure," Alex said. "But you know that we're all here to help you regardless, right?"

"Yeah," Carson sobbed while moving away to wipe away her tears. "It's just a lot to take in."

"Everything will be okay, but I will say that I, for one, would not be mad if I became an aunt soon," Bre chimed in, causing everyone to chuckle.

"When you and Auston are heading home, why don't you stop by the store and pick up some tests just to see," Ema suggested as she moved over to the other side of the counter again. "We can also make you a doctor's appointment for early next week."

"I will, and yes, that sounds great," Carson told her with a nod. "Cause even if I'm not, you know, expecting, an appointment wouldn't hurt, seeing as I have been sick. Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support and love. Now I just need to figure out how I'm going to tell Auston."

"Tell me what?" Auston's voice sounded from behind Carson. It wasn't long until his arms wrapped around her waist, and he was placing a soft peck to her temple before looking around at his mom and sisters. "Did I miss something?"

"Just something you and Carson can talk about later in private," Ema told him and sent Carson a wink, knowing she'd tell Auston as soon as she was ready. "Why don't you four go watch some TV? Your dad and I will finish up dinner, and then we can eat?"

Immediately, both Alex and Bre locked eye contact with their brother as they stood up from their seats, but unfortunately, Auston was faster.

"I'm picking the show!" He yelled before bolting from his spot behind Carson and out of the room. The girls weren't too far behind him, leaving Carson and Ema to watch and shake their heads.

"Children, all of them," Ema said before coming around to Carson again and pulling her into one more hug. "You tell him when you're ready, sweetheart. I know you're probably nervous, but he loves you so much, and everything is going to work out just fine. Alright?"

"Yeah," Carson told her future mother-in-law with a smile. "Thank you, Ema, I mean it. If I am pregnant, this child will be so insanely lucky to have you in their life. I'm just… really nervous."

"Are you trying to make me cry? Because I will. And I understand, Carson, but there is no one else I'd rather my son experienced this with if that is the case. You're going to have an amazing support system, and you know you can come to talk to me about anything or ask any questions you have, right?"

"I do."

"Good," she said with a smile while giving Carson one more squeeze. "Now go with the others before they start complaining about me hogging you."

As soon as Carson arrived in the living room, she went to walk past Auston so she could sit with Bre, but he prevented that from happening by grabbing her hand so that she'd stop, then glance up at her with somewhat of a pout.

"Can I help you?" Carson asked with raised eyebrows, earning chuckles from both of Auston's sisters.

He looked at her with a bit of a pointed gaze in response before pulling her closer, indicating that he was hoping she'd sit with him. "What were you and mom talking about? Everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah, everything's fine," Carson responded before letting out a small huff. "I, uh, I just got a little sick again shortly after we first got here..."

"Again?" Auston asked, making no attempt to hide the worry that laced his voice. "Carse-."

"I know, Aus," Carson cut him off while shaking her head. Auston sighed as she looked to Alex and Bre for help. They weren't quite sure what to say because both knew Carson needed to be the one to tell Auston what she really thought was going on, but luckily Bre was quick to the rescue.

"Auston, would you hurry up and pick a show already?"

He scoffed and immediately looked to his little sister with a scowl.

"Yeah, let's go," Alex chimed in. "And can you please pick something that's not The Office?"

"What's wrong with The Office?" Auston asked in a tone as if saying that was the most offensive question he'd ever received.

Carson chuckled and squeezed his hand.

"We can talk when we go back to the house, okay? But I want to catch up with your sisters first. I haven't really gotten the chance to do that yet."

Carson didn't leave much room left for argument, so with a nod, Auston let go of her hand and observed as she went over to the girls to talk before getting comfy and putting on The Office anyways.

The rest of the evening went by quickly. Carson didn't eat a whole lot at dinner, having lost her appetite from getting sick, and she could tell it was worrying Auston. He watched her like a hawk the entire time, and it just made her feel even more nervous to tell him about the possibility of being pregnant.

Once everyone finished eating, Carson and Auston helped Brian do the dishes so that Ema could finally have a break, while Alex and Bre cleaned off the table and went to pick out a board game. After a few competitive rounds of Jenga, Carson and Auston called it a night and headed home, but not without making plans to be back later in the week for another visit.

On the way back home, Carson asked Auston to stop at a CVS so she could run in and purchase some pregnancy tests. She didn't tell him that's what the two of them were stopping for, but after a quick dash inside and an interesting look from the cashier, Carson went back to the car and tried to keep the contents of the bag hidden until they were back at the house.

Throughout their relationship, Carson quickly learned that Auston was much more observant than a lot of people gave him credit for. He caught onto the small things like her mood changes, mannerisms, and so much more. So, it wasn't surprising that with the way she walked out of CVS, chugging a bottle of water before moving to a second before the two of them got home, he knew something was up. The fact that Carson bolted upstairs to their shared en-suite almost as soon as they walked through the door was a dead giveaway as well.

Auston was worried. How could he not be? Part of him wanted to make a doctor's appointment right then and there because he knew the way Carson was acting had to do with how she hadn't been feeling well. He just wished that she would talk to him about it. After about 10 minutes, he became fed up with his nagging thoughts and followed after her to the washroom.

Carson was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, hunched over with her head in her hands when a soft knock sounded on the door, and her fiancé soon peeked his head inside.

"Hey," Auston greeted softly, worry prominently shown on his features as he observed her rough state.

"Hey."

"Did, uh, did you get sick again?" He asked hesitantly as he sat down beside Carson and gently laced his hand with hers.

"No," she told him and shook her head. "I feel like I could, though."

"Carson."

"Not in the way that you're thinking, Auston. From nerves. I'm so nervous I feel like I could throw up."

"What do you mean?" He questioned and squeezed her hand. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah, well, when we were at your parent's house," Carson started with a sigh. "After I got sick and was talking to your mom and sisters, I got thinking."

Auston watched as Carson used her free hand to reach over and grab the phone that sat beside her on the bath's ledge. He couldn't help but smile as he looked at the picture of her and him in front of the tree at the Leafs team Christmas party from the year prior set as her lock screen, but then she unlocked the device and opened an app with a tiny pink flower on it. There was no way he'd ever know what the app was for, so he just watched as a calendar opened up and Carson started scrolling through the months.

Carson stopped once she reached April of that year and looked down at the only highlighted week that indicated significant dates she never thought of twice during the last two months before handing the phone to Auston so he could look at it as well.

"What's this?"

"The app I use to track my period," she explained, not taking her eyes off of him as she waited to see how he would react. "That week in April that's coloured was the last time I had it."

"Baby, that's almost two months ago."

"I know."

Carson continued watching him as he processed this information, it not taking much longer before his eyes widened and looked back at her. "Wait, you don't think you're -."

"Pregnant?" Carson finished for him. "I don't know. Like, the symptoms are there, and it makes sense..."

Auston kept staring at her, absolutely stunned but was quickly brought back to reality when Carson's phone alarm went off in his hand and caused him to jump.

"So, I took three tests that I got from CVS," she continued. "They're over there on the counter, and the results should be showing by now."

It was then Auston's gaze finally left his fiancee so he could glance at the three pregnancy tests sitting in a row on the vanity that he didn't notice before but remained utterly silent.

"Auston, please say something."

"I- this is why you think you've been sick?" He asked, and Carson nodded. "Holy shit, Carson, I-I don't even know what to say."

"Tell me that it's going to be okay," she pleaded, not being able to stop the sob that escaped her mouth or the tears that formed in her eyes. "That regardless of what those tests say, we're in this together, and it'll all be fine because right now I'm absolutely terrified, Aus, and I really need you with me for this."

"Hey, Woah, who said I was going anywhere?"

"No one, it's just… we've never talked about having kids. I didn't want to just spring this on you. You still have your entire career ahead of you and-."

"And you being pregnant is not going to impact any of that negatively," Auston told her firmly as she sniffled a little bit.

Carson then smiled slightly at his words, beginning to wonder why she was so worried to tell him in the first place. "I'm scared."

"You do not need to be," he assured as he reached over to grab her left hand so that the two of them could look at Carson's engagement ring together. "There was a reason I got you this and asked you to marry me, Carson. It's because you're the one I want to do this whole life thing with. There's no one else I'd rather start a family with than you, okay? You're it for me. And I mean, we already have Frank."

"You're right," Carson chuckled and reached up to wipe away a few stray tears that still spilled. "I love you, Auston. So much."

"And I love you," he replied and pulled Carson in for a kiss. Once he pulled away, he looked back at the counter nervously and gave her hand another squeeze. "Think we should go check those out?"

"Ready whenever you are."

Carson and Auston slowly stood up with a deep exhale and made their way over to the counter. Neither of them let go of the other's hand as they walked but jumped slightly when Frank strutted his way into the room, making the entire thing a real family affair.

After one final glance at her fiancé, Carson looked down at the three tests and felt her breath hitch when she saw that each of them had a positive symbol.

Auston wasn't long pulling her into his embrace so he could mutter sweet things while placing the softest pecks to her head. "We're having a baby."

"Oh, my God, we are," Carson replied and squeezed him a little tighter. "I need to make a doctor's appointment as soon as I can, though, Aus. I don't know how far along I am. Right now, this is all a guessing game."

"We can call first thing in the morning and get it all figured out," Auston assured while leaning away slightly so that he could look at her. "But tonight, we'll just take it easy, alright? Maybe try to find a way to break it to Frank that he's not going to be an only child anymore."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll devastate him," Carson teased before leaning down to pet the miniature Goldendoodle that laid at her feet. "But, I do think there may be three women who live pretty close by that are anxiously waiting for news about whether or not they're getting a new family member. Think we should call them?"

"Probably not a bad idea," he told her with a smile before leaning in to press a soft, loving kiss to her lips. "Then we can call your family if you want to."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

~*~

The rest of the summer went by in a blur. The day after finding out she was pregnant, Carson and Auston went to the doctors together to confirm everything and make sure nothing was wrong. After some tests, the doctor assured the two of them that their baby was healthy, explained how Carson was roughly eight weeks along based on the information given regarding Carson's last period and gave tips on how to deal with specific pregnancy symptoms like nausea.

Carson spent time with Auston's family almost every day, which she was completely okay with. If she wasn't shopping and spending time with Ema, or just talking about life in general with Brian, she was hanging out with Alex and Bre; and those two sure never made any attempt to hide how excited they were about becoming aunts.

"I'm convinced my family is going to steal you away from me one of these days," Auston said one night he and Carson had gone out to dinner.

"They're excited, Aus," she replied while shaking her head at him. "We're not the only ones who can't wait to meet our little one."

He smiled at her response and watched as Carson mindlessly placed her hand on her stomach, smiling even wider as he thought about the baby she was creating. Their baby. It was surreal.

Telling Carson's family that they were expecting was interesting. The first people they shared the news with were her dad and his girlfriend, Alice. The day the doctor confirmed how far along Carson was and everything, she immediately wanted to call her dad to share the news. He and Alice were ecstatic and were curious about how she planned on telling her siblings that they would be an aunt and uncle soon.

With Carson's sister Mya living in Vancouver and her brother Nate residing in Montreal, it was difficult for the three siblings to be in the same place simultaneously. Still, they always had FaceTime calls to catch up with and torment one another. That summer, after finding she was pregnant, Carson didn't tell them right away. Instead, she waited until she visibly had a bump to show off, then during one of those FaceTime calls, she stood up so they could see.

"Is that a bump?" Mya asked as she squinted and leaned closer to the screen of her phone, unsure if she saw correctly. Once she saw her sister nod and smooth a hand over her belly, Mya gasped and threw her head back dramatically. "Carson!"

"Shut up," Nate said, his jaw-dropping open as he realized what Carson was indicating. "Did you eat a watermelon seed?"

"I hate you," Carson replied and rolled her eyes at how her brother was making fun of how she used to think women got pregnant by eating watermelon seeds when she was little. "You two are going to have a little niece or nephew pretty soon."

"I'm going to cry," Mya stated. "I just need to see my pregnant sister in person, goddammit."

"Is Auston there?" Nate then asked.

"Yeah, he's right here," Carson replied and shifted the iPad she was calling on so her siblings could see him.

"Hey, Auston."

"Yes, Nate," Auston said, unable to keep a straight face because he knew what was coming.

"So, uh, next time I'm in Toronto, or you're in Montreal, I'm going to have to kick your ass for knocking up my sister."

"Nathan!" Carson gasped.

"I'm just giving him a fair warning that the next time I see him, it's on sight," Nate replied with a shrug, earning a laugh from Mya and another eye roll from Carson.

"You know, that's valid," Auston chuckled before Mya and Nate went on to congratulate him and Carson.

The next person they told over FaceTime was Carson's oldest and best friend, as well as her old roommate, Lexie, who just screamed with joy and excitement before crying over the fact that her best friend was going to be a mom.

Everyone else, Carson and Auston, wanted to wait to tell.

Nearing the middle of September, Carson was about 20 weeks pregnant and well into her second trimester. It could not be assumed that she was already halfway through her pregnancy to an unknowing eye, but Auston saw the changes.

He noticed them in her appearance, how there was a subtle bump when she wore tight-fitting clothes or walked around in one of his t-shirts. Even noticed them in her mannerisms, with mood swings and weird things she'd crave at the most random times, learning the hard way of how difficult it was to tell a pregnant woman she couldn't have poutine regardless of how bad she wanted it because she was not in Canada.

But what he noticed the most was how Carson carried herself. Auston knew damn well that she was always one to take excellent care of herself, but from basically the moment Carson found out that she was pregnant, it was like that motherly instinct kicked in immediately. She didn't overwork herself so she wouldn't get stressed, ate the best foods she could, and spent so much time researching ways to bring a healthy and happy baby into the world. It truly blew Auston away, and he was so insanely excited to meet the little one the two of them made together because he undoubtedly knew they were going to have the best mom in the world.

When the time came to leave Arizona, it was hard to say goodbye to Auston's family, but it was more of a see you later, seeing as they already had plans to visit Toronto in the upcoming weeks.

Carson was excited to be back in Toronto and experience whatever was left of the summer weather, even though it was stupid hot. It almost felt like she never left Scottsdale with how intense the sun was, but at least she was home. And that made it much more bearable.

Auston was always there, adjusting the AC to the perfect temperature in the condo so that she'd be comfortable and making sure that she stayed hydrated at all times. Carson loved seeing the fatherly instincts Auston developed as well, and it sure made her feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but she also made sure to tell him if he was a little too much and remind him that she was capable of doing things herself.

The two of them were back for only a short amount of time before Auston delved into practicing and having to leave for preseason training in the Muskokas with the Leafs, but in that time, they did a lot.

The first project Carson and Auston tackled was starting to redo the condo's office, which no one used, and beginning its transition into a nursery. This project required a lot of planning, but with a couple of trips to IKEA, much to Auston's dismay because he was ready to drop an unnecessary amount of money on luxury baby items, they got a good start on it all.

Carson had a few doctor's appointments within that week as well. Her doctor in Toronto wanted to make sure everything with the baby was okay, and once she determined it was, she rescheduled for Carson to see her again so she and Auston could find out the sex of their child.

Unable to contain her excitement and nerves, Carson slept a little restlessly leading up to that appointment. Auston noticed this but didn't give her a hard time about it because he was excited too.

But then the two of them agreed not to learn the baby's sex.

Carson still went to the appointment, and the doctor was able to tell the baby's sex as she performed an ultrasound on her growing belly. Still, instead of telling Carson and Auston, she wrote if their baby was a girl or a boy down on a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope so that if either of them changed their mind, they could look at the results.

A few days later, Auston had to leave. Training luckily meant that the guys weren’t away from Toronto for long, even with the preseason games. But, Auston was still very reluctant to go.

"Aus, you have to go," Carson told him as she crawled from her space on the bed to where he was sitting at the end of it, placing soft pecks to his exposed shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "It's only for like two days."

"Not a selling point," Auston replied and turned to face her. His eyes then flickered down to Carson's stomach, taking in how it had grown even more in size and how prominent it was in the lilac tank top and pair of Roots track pants she wore. However, Carson still managed to hide her bump whenever she went out in public somehow, which was fair because no one else knew she was expecting outside of the family. "Don't want to leave you… or the baby."

Carson smiled as he reached over to gently place a hand on her stomach before leaning in to kiss her. The gesture made her melt a little bit, but Carson was still the first to pull away. "I know, babe. But, we're both still going to be here once you get back."

Auston didn't respond but sent her a narrowed glance instead.

"Don't look at me like that," Carson told her fiancé. "What are you going to do during the regular season when you're gone for much longer?"

"Bring you with me," he deadpanned, and this time it was Carson that gave him a look.

"I don't think so. The more weeks that go by, the more even the thought of flying makes me want to vomit. Coming back to Toronto was enough of a challenge. Plus, I'm going to start going into the office for work again now that we're back."

"Guess I'll just have to fly back as much as I can," he stated with a shrug. "Cause I refuse to be away from you for long, especially with your due date approaching."

"We've got until February, Auston," she explained. "Nothing to stress about."

"Not yet, at least."

Carson shook her head in frustration at his stubbornness before climbing off the bed so that she could help gather a few last-minute things before his departure. "I think you're being dramatic."

"Why? Because I'm afraid, I might miss the birth of my child?" He unintentionally snapped and immediately felt horrible when he saw Carson jump in response to his sudden change in tone. She was shocked at his outburst and remained utterly silent as the two of them stared at each other. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Carse, I didn't mean-."

"Is that what you're worried about?" She asked before setting down the t-shirt she was holding and walking over to him again.

Auston sighed.

"I- yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot actually. I'm just scared that I won't be here when you need me, and the last thing I want is to be away when you go into labour and..."

"Auston," Carson started while linking her hands with his and pulling so that he'd stand up from the bed. "I need you to tell me when things like this are bugging you. That way, we can try to figure something out together. We still have lots of time before we need to start worrying about any of that, babe. And even then, I think we'll be fine. You play for a great franchise and have amazing teammates. When we decide to tell them that we're going to be parents, I'm sure they'll be insanely supportive and understand if you have to miss a game. That's even if it comes to that."

Auston just looked at Carson for a moment with an unreadable gaze, and she wasn't quite sure if anything she said got through to him, but then a tiny smile danced its way across his lips, and he was soon pulling her into his embrace. "How do you always know what to say?"

"I don't," Carson explained while cuddling closer to him. "I really wish I did, but I'm just as scared as you are, Aus. However, I know that we're in this together, and it's all going to work out... So that helps a lot."

"God, I love you so much," he stated while leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"Good, cause the feeling's mutual."

"Well, I would hope so!"

"No one else I'd rather be stuck with, Matthews," Carson replied, causing Auston to scoff. She then pulled away to look up and smirk at him before patting his chest and nodding towards his suitcase that still needed to be packed. "Come on now, Steph will be here to drop Mitchy off soon. Then you guys need to go."

"Yes, dear. Still don't know how you plan on telling those two we're having a baby."

"I'll figure it out."

The day after Auston left, Carson spent time relaxing with Frank. It was nice to chill, but the day after that, she had plans to get lunch with Steph at a nearby restaurant, and Carson was extremely excited to see her. It'd been a long summer not seeing one of her best friends, and Carson knew Steph was ecstatic to spend some time with her as well.

However, Steph was a little thrown off by how Carson was acting at lunch.

Carson had taken a bunch of time that morning to look nice. It took her over an hour to do her hair and even longer decide what to wear. She ended up wearing a long, flowy maxi dress that hid her bump exceptionally well, then paired it with a pair of strappy sandals and some bangle bracelets. All in all, it wasn't anything about her appearance that threw Steph off, but rather how she was acting.

What started it was how Carson barely talked about herself at all. Steph filled Carson in on all the details about her and Mitch's summer that she hadn't already shared with Carson over FaceTime and expected her to do the same. But she didn't.

"It was, uh, pretty uneventful," Carson somewhat lied and started picking at the Caesar salad on her plate. "Spent a lot of time by the pool and with Auston's family, but other than that, it was pretty lowkey."

"You're joking," Steph stated and leaned back in her seat with crossed arms.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, Carson," she said and threw her head back in a dramatic groan before looking back at her friend. "You always have the funniest stories whenever you and Auston come back from Scottsdale. Did something happen? What are you hiding? Oh my god, did the two of you elope?"

"What? No!" Carson screeched, causing her to burst out laughing. "We're still engaged, Steph. You and Mitch would've been at the wedding even if it was in secret. Pretty sure Mitch would disown me as his twin if I didn't want him there."

"That's what I like to hear. And I'm just messing with you, hun. I'm really glad you're back, but you're sure everything's okay? You just seem I don't know… off."

Carson gulped as she attempted the most natural smile that she could. "I'm fine."

"Carse…"

"No, really, Steph," she assured, feeling a little anxious all of a sudden. "I just haven't been feeling all that great lately. Actually, I'm just going to run to the washroom real quick. I'll be right back."

"Oh, okay," Steph replied as she watched Carson stand up and grab her bag to take with her. "Take your time. I'll order us some sangria."

"Uh, none for me, thanks," Carson told her, earning herself a surprised look. "I'm good with water."

Steph didn't reply, just looked at Carson, wholly shocked over the fact that she turned down sangria, something she'd never done before.

Unsure of what else to say, Carson awkwardly nodded towards her before fleeing to the washroom.

As she was going, she took out her phone and texted her fiancé.

Carson

This is proving to be rather difficult.

Auston

What is? Everything alright?

Carson

Yes, everything's fine. It's just really hard not telling anyone we're expecting, y'know? Please remind me why we haven't told Mitch and Steph we're having a baby yet cause this is getting painful.

After hitting send, Carson waited for a second to see what he'd respond with; but when he didn't, she tucked the phone back into her purse and entered the washroom.

A few minutes later, once she finished washing her hands, Carson felt her phone buzz with a new notification and moved to pull it back out, freezing as she did so.

Auston

… Mitch knows.

Before Carson could even react, her phone started ringing, and Mitch's contact picture showed up. Still a little shell-shocked, she answered the device and held it up to her ear.

"H-hello?"

"You're going to be a whole mom!" The oh-so-familiar voice of her cousin, Mitchell Marner, sounded from the other end, and Carson couldn't help but chuckle at it slightly. "Congrats, wow."

"Yeah, I guess I am," she told him with a smile while shaking her head. "Thanks, Mitch."

"So, when were you planning on telling me, hm?"

"I was still trying to figure out how," Carson told him honestly. "Didn't want you to freak out."

"Oh, I'm trying really hard not to murder your fiancé right now," he stated casually. "But luckily, my happiness for both of you overpowers that."

"I can't with you. Now, speaking of my fiancé, you wouldn't happen to know where Auston is, would you?"

"Right here, babe," Auston's voice called from nearby, indicating that Carson was on speaker. "We just got back to the hotel, and I was driving, so it was Mitch texting you from my phone."

"I see, so that's how you know?"

"Yeah, the two of you didn't plan that out very well, if I'm honest," Mitch replied. "All the guys are kinda nosy. Literally, anyone could've been looking at his phone."

"No, pretty sure it's just you," Auston stated loudly, causing Carson to cover her mouth in an attempt to silence her laughter as the boys started bickering.

"Okay, that's enough, you two," she said while putting the call on speaker as well so that she could gather her things and head back to the table. "Steph's gonna think I got lost on my way to the washroom if I don't go back soon. Now I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell her that I'm pregnant."

"Wait, you haven't told her yet?" Mitchy asked, a bit of concern lacing his voice.

"No, not yet. Why?"

"Uh, no reason!"

"You told her already, didn't you?" Carson heard Auston ask, her mouth falling open when Mitch's silence confirmed the answer to her fiancé's question. "Bro, you haven't known for five whole minutes yet!"

"So?" Mitch argued. "I got excited!"

"That doesn't mean-."

After that, Carson zoned out a bit and did not hear the rest of Auston's response because, as if on cue, the washroom door swung open, and a familiar voice called out, making her jump.

"Carson!?"

Although she couldn't see her from where she stood, Carson knew it was Steph that had just barged in, and it seemed that Auston and Mitch knew as well.

"Oh, you've done it now," Auston snapped while Mitch scoffed.

"How is this my fault?"

"Because you literally have the biggest mouth."

There was no way Steph didn't hear the conversation happening on the phone, so Carson stayed silent as she waited for her friend to come around the corner to where the sinks were and braced herself for impact.

As soon as Steph appeared around the wall with an unreadable expression, Carson was more terrified than ever.

"Is that Auston on the phone too?" Steph said as she walked up to Carson. Still unsure of how to approach what was happening, Carson kept quiet and nodded. "Great. So I get to ream him out as well."

Silence.

"Uh, so, we're gonna go," Mitch finally spoke up, and Carson could briefly hear Auston say he'd call her later. "Bye!"

Once the line went dead, Carson hung up and tucked the phone back into her bag, all without looking from where Steph stood in front of her.

"So, um…"

"You're PREGNANT!?" Steph cut her off, and Carson couldn't help the sigh of relief she let out, seeing as Steph sounded more excited than upset.

"I am," Carson replied and chuckled a little bit. Steph just stood there shocked, but then Carson turned to the side and started pulling the back of her dress so that the front would be tight against her body, showing off the bump that had been hidden the entire time.

"Oh my god!" Steph squealed before rushing over and engulfing Carson in the biggest hug. "How? When did this happen?"

"I'm not going into the details of how it happened, Steph," she explained, causing Steph to laugh as she pulled away. "But we found out during our first week back in Scottsdale. I just thought I was sick, but after talking to Ema, I decided to take a few pregnancy tests and sure enough…"

"Oh babe, congratulations, I'm so happy for you and Auston. Wow, my best friend is going to be a mom!"

"And you're going to be an honorary aunt!"

"Ahhh, I am!" She screeched excitedly but was quick in going straight-faced and looking serious again. "I mean… what the hell Carson, why didn't you tell me?"

"Okay, drama queen," Carson told her with a scoff, easily breaking her facade. "To be fair, outside of me, Auston, our parents, siblings and Lexie, you and Mitch are the only people who know."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, knowing your cousin, there's going to be a lot more people who will know very soon."

"Yeah, I'm just waiting to talk to Auston again tonight and find out that the entire team knows."

"That is exactly what's going to happen," Steph replied before gently smacking her hand to her forehead, both of them laughing as she did so. "Do you know what you're having, or your due date, or anything? Wait, how far along are you even!?"

"Oh geez," Carson began with a smile. "Well, Auston and I decided not to find out the baby's sex, but the doctor wrote it down and put it in an envelope for if we changed our minds. So that's currently sitting in a drawer at home."

"That must be killing you."

"It is! I'm trying really hard not to look, but who knows? I'm weak. And I'm almost 20 weeks along now. My due date is February 4th."

"20 weeks?" She gasped. "Damn, mama, you look good."

"Why, thank you," Carson laughed and quickly struck a pose.

"Anytime," she replied with a wink. "I hope you know just how spoiled this child is going to be. Oh, and that there's no way I'm not throwing you an over-the-top baby shower."

"I don't know; I think Mya, Alex and Bre might have you beat to that."

"Fair enough. That's fine, though. We can plot together."

"I'd expect nothing less," Carson said and reached out to pull her in for another hug. "You know, I was terrified at the thought of being pregnant. But having people like you and Mitch and my family here to help and just having Auston go through it all with me, I realized I did not need to be. So, thank you, Steph. I really wouldn't be able to do it without any of you."

"Excuse you, I wasn't prepared to cry today," she mumbled and gave Carson another squeeze. "This baby is going to be so loved, and they're going to have the best parents."

"Well, now you're going to make me cry."

After that, the two girls moved away from each other and wiped away the tears that had formed before finally going back to the table and finishing lunch.

~*~

Time started going by insanely fast once Auston was back from training, and before Carson knew it, hockey season had started.

By that point, it was next to impossible to hide her baby bump. During the month of being back in Toronto leading up to the Leafs home opener, their little one started making themselves known, and Carson was just too exhausted to keep a secret that didn't need to be kept.

The entire team knew she was pregnant. Carson had received quite a few congratulatory texts a month prior within only hours of Mitch finding out, and even more in person whenever she was around any member of the TML franchise.

The best part, though, was watching Auston whenever someone brought up the fact that he was going to be a dad. He'd always smile a little wider, and there'd be this tiny glint of excitement in his eyes whenever he talked about it. Carson was getting excited too, but watching him just made the whole duration of her pregnancy that much better.

Even though Auston wasn’t playing in the home opener because since his wrist was still recovering from surgery in the summer, his family flew in and Carson was going to join them sitting in the stands for the first game of the season. She spent the entire day with them taking Frank for a walk, grabbing some dinner and then getting ready with Alex, seeing as Bre was still in Arizona for school, before heading to Scotiabank Arena.

Once they arrived, everyone walked down towards the glass to watch a bit of the pregame warmup. Carson, Ema, and Alex found a few open seats to set their coats on before turning their attention back to the ice. After a few minutes, Carson sent Steph a quick text to let her know where they were since she would be there with her aunt, uncle and cousin Chris to cheer on Mitch.

As soon as she put her phone away, Carson's gaze immediately fell on Auston as he stood over near the bench, dressed nicely in his suit, waiting for the opening ceremony to start. He spotted her, then winked and waved before going back to talking to one of the assistant coaches and pointing to Carson and his family as if to show that they were there.

Carson blew him a kiss back, to which Auston smiled, but then she watched as he looked to the right a little bit, and that smile faded. Curious about what caused his mood to change so quickly, Carson followed his gaze and eventually saw a reporter and a cameraman with their camera pointed directly at her.

"Alex, is it just me or are they taking pictures of us?" Carson asked Auston's older sister and nodded towards the reporter.

Alex looked towards them and scrunched up her face a little bit. "I think so? That or a video, I'm not sure. They must be, or else Auston wouldn't be looking at them like that."

Carson wasted no time looking back to her fiancé Sure enough, Auston was glaring at the two people. His face was unreadable, but his expression was stern, and Carson knew he would not start that game off happy.

"I wonder why," Ema said as she noticed Auston’s hard expression and the reporters.

"I think I know why," Carson whispered loud enough for them to hear before looking down at her belly, which was rather prominent in the jersey she wore, then protectively placed her hand on it. Carson could have easily bought a newer, larger Matthews jersey, but the one she wore still fit comfortably enough that she didn't feel the need to do that yet. Sure, her pregnant belly was quite visible, but she didn't really care because Carson knew she would be surrounded by people who weren't going to judge her and knew she was expecting. But at that moment, thanks to the reporters who were undoubtedly about to make Carson's pregnancy their next big headline, she had never felt more self-conscious. "Can we go up to our seats, please?"

"Yes, of course," Ema said and started ushering Carson and Alex out of the row they were in and back up the stairs to their actual seats. She kept a comforting hand on Carson's back as they went, which Carson thanked her for as she tried her hardest not to cry.

Once they reached their row, Carson looked down at the ice once more to see Auston give her an apologetic look before having to turn his attention away from her get ready for the game.

Being in their proper seats relaxed Carson because they blended in with the entire crowd. She didn’t see the reporter again, but she was still upset when Brian joined them, looking more confused than ever.

"Hey, Woah, is everything alright?" He asked, looking between his very upset-looking wife and daughter, before landing his gaze on Carson and seeing that she was on the brink of tears. "Oh, Carson. Did something happen?"

"Um, there were reporters," Carson explained. "They were filming us, and... I don't know. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I can't help but think that as soon as the game is over, everyone's going to know I'm pregnant."

"I see," Brian replied and looked at Ema. "They didn't approach you guys or anything, did they?"

"No, I don't think they would have," she told him.

"But still," Alex spoke up from beside her mother. "That's not fair. This is Carson and Auston's business, not anyone else's."

"That's the thing," Carson added while shaking her head. "I don't care if people know we're going to have a baby, and I know Auston doesn't either, but not like this. I didn't want it to be a big spectacle, and now I feel like that's exactly what's going to happen."

"I guess all we can do is wait," Brian said with a sigh. "You can talk to Auston about everything once the game is over. Hopefully, nothing will happen between now and then."

Carson nodded in agreement and took a deep breath to calm herself down a bit. "You're right. Let's just watch the game; it's not worth getting upset over. I'll just talk to him once he's home tonight."

Everyone agreed and settled into their seats just as the entire Leafs roster. Carson went to sit on the other side of Alex but was stopped by someone's hand on her arm, causing her to snap her gaze to its source and see Ema.

"Carson, you have every right to be upset," she said quietly but firmly. "You're going to be a mother soon, it's in your instincts to want to protect your baby, and the only way to do that right now is by protecting yourself. So don't think you're being dramatic or have no need to be upset over those reporters because you do. You never liked being in the spotlight, and this is worrying you, isn't it?"

Carson let out a breath and nodded.

"It is, and I just feel so helpless. Like I knew my pregnancy becoming public knowledge was bound to happen, but I was hoping it'd be on my terms. Something I'd have control over."

Carson paused as she heard someone from a couple of rows back start talking about something they saw on Twitter.

“Woah, is Matthews having a kid?”

At that, Carson’s eyes started welling up again before she groaned and frustratedly pushed her hand through her hair. Eventually, she looked back to her future mother-in-law and fought the urge to cry all over again.

"As I said before, I really don't care if everyone knows," Carson explained. "But the last thing I wanted was for this to be a whole big thing that distracted people from the team because that's what we're all here for, right? This is already getting out of hand and-."

Carson's voice cracked as a sob involuntarily left her mouth, and she was no longer able to keep the tears in anymore. She sat down quickly to attempt not to draw any attention to herself, while Brian, Ema and Alex tried to console her.

"I'm okay, thanks, guys," Carson told them after taking some deep breaths and being able to calm herself down a bit. "I'm so over these hormones already."

"Perks of being pregnant," Ema told her with a smile before giving her arm one last squeeze and moving away.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Brian asked sympathetically, and Carson nodded.

"I can go back to the condo with you if you need to leave, and we can watch the game there?" Alex offered. "I'm sure Auston would understand."

"No, no, it's alright. Thank you. But, there's nothing I want more right now than to watch my favourite hockey player with some of my favourite people. I might head out a little early and just meet Auston at home, but until then, let's just try to enjoy the game."

"Sounds like a plan," Alex replied with a smile.

Once the game concluded, Carson left. The Leafs had won, and she wanted to give Auston the chance to see his family once he finished all of his postgame stuff with the team. Carson also didn't want reporters asking her any questions if she went to see her fiancé, so instead, she and Steph went straight to the parking lot and drove back to the condo once Steph and Mitch’s family caught up with her and were filled in on what happened.

Steph offered to stay with Carson until Auston was home, but Carson assured her that she'd be fine. After saying goodbye and telling Steph to text her once she was home, Carson went up to the condo and changed into comfy clothes. Once she was done, she curled up on the couch and watched the post-game interviews and highlights before sending a quick text to Alex about plans for breakfast the following morning.

However, Carson's train of thought was disrupted because as soon as she turned on the TV, Auston appeared.

He was being interviewed about the game, like always, answering questions about how he thought the team played even though he couldn’t comment on his own performance. It was nothing out of the ordinary, so Auston responded to the question quickly. Just as he was about to leave, Carson could hear a reporter from off-screen pushing for one more question and watched as Auston's expression visibly hardened.

"Auston, before you go, can you answer one more thing for us?" A voice asked, and Carson could see the debate in Auston's eyes of whether to stay and answer their question or just leave. But, her fiancé knew how bad it looked just to cut off a reporter without reason. So, with a deep breath, he nodded and waited for what it was they wanted to ask. "We were just wondering about your girlfriend, Carson. How is she doing?"

"Fiancée," Auston corrected, not missing a beat. "And she's doing just fine, she was here tonight with my family, but I think she's gone home by now. What does this have to do with hockey exactly?"

"Is there a reason she left so suddenly?"

Carson knew exactly where the reporter was going with their questions and started feeling anxious all over again because of it. Although she was aware of how well Auston could handle the media, that didn't stop her from scrambling for her phone and texting the first person she thought of.

Carson

Mitch, please get him out of there if you can.

Part of her didn't expect her cousin to text back right away, seeing as he did just finish a game and all, but the other part was hopeful that maybe, just maybe, he was near his phone and saw it go off since he had already done his interview for the night. Carson waited for a second, watching her phone screen as she heard Auston start speaking again and had to avert her attention back to the TV.

"She, uh, she was pretty tired, had a long day hanging out with my sisters," he replied calmly, but Carson could very clearly hear the annoyance in his voice. "Again, not sure what this has to do with the game we just played or why it's any of your business."

"Oh no, no, no," she muttered and burrowed herself further into the fuzzy throw blanket she wrapped herself up in. Frank seemed to notice Carson's distress and wasn't long in hopping onto the couch so he could curl up on her lap and provide some reassuring hand licks as she continued watching the television.

"It's just that she was seen before the game and didn't look too well," the reporter continued while Auston looked at them with raised eyebrows. "Is she sick?"

Although Carson was thankful they didn't just flat out ask if she was pregnant, she still groaned at how badly they beat around the bush as a way to confirm or deny their suspicions.

"No, she's quite healthy."

Her phone then buzzed with a new text, and she couldn't help the audible sigh of relief that left her mouth as she saw who it was from.

Mitch

On it.

After typing back 'thank you,' Carson moved her gaze back to the TV, completely missing what the reporter asked but catching what Auston had to say in return.

"You know, I think you've made some type of assumption for when it comes to Carson… is there really a need for me to confirm or deny whatever it is you're digging for?"

No one spoke again after that. It was just the sounds of cameras flashing and the odd mutter in the background. An awkward moment of silence went by, and soon enough, Mitch appeared behind Auston and tapped him on the shoulder, telling him to leave. The two boys disappeared off camera, and Carson was quick in shutting off the television altogether so she wouldn't have to hear what anyone had to say about everything that just happened.

Carson wasn't sure how much time went by of her just sitting in silence petting Frank, but soon enough, she was met by the sound of the door being unlocked and Auston entering the condo. Frank was immediately off her lap to greet him, and she wasted no time in hiding the small envelope she was holding behind one of the cushions before going to see her fiancé as well.

"Hey…"

"I'm going to have that reporter fired," Auston stated firmly as he hung up his coat and eventually looked at her. "I don't know how I'm going to, but that was a complete disaster. There has to be something that can be done. That was too much."

"I know, I saw," Carson told him quietly in hopes of calming him down a little bit, but he didn't have it.

"Like, who do they think they are just asking someone that as a way to get a story? The fact that they were trying to dig into our personal lives apparently wasn't enough. They had to make a big scene about it. I'm surprised they didn't just ask your due date or something like that."

Carson hated seeing him so upset and just felt so crappy about the whole situation, but she wasn't sure how to approach it. "Aus, I know this sucks… a lot. I was there too. But it's really not worth getting upset over. They wanted some sort of a reaction from you."

"And they got one," he huffed while frustratedly pushing his hand through his hair. "Did I seem as big of a dick as I feel I was? I tried so hard not to snap at them, but..."

"I know," Carson replied and gently reached out to grab his hand. "I appreciate you defending our privacy, and I know all the guys don't blame you for how you handled those questions. It's just- I can't help but worry that you're going to get in trouble with management because you did lose your cool a little bit, babe."

"I don't care. I'd do it again. Management can get me in all the shit they want, but it won't matter because I refuse to let a reporter, or anyone for that matter, go after you and our baby again. God, I'm so sorry, Carse, this is all my fault. You shouldn't have had to deal with any of this."

He was livid, that much was evident from the moment Carson saw him glare at those reporters before the game even started, but he needed to calm down. Auston beating himself up over something he had no control over wasn't beneficial to anyone. However, Carson knew for him not to do that was easier said than done. Which was why after turning off the interview, she thought of a way that might ease his worries and wasted no time rushing into the kitchen and grabbing a tiny envelope she knew resided in one of the drawers.

Carson thought about waiting until Auston was home to open it up and look at the envelope's contents together. Still, her curiosity got the better of her, and she snuck a peek at the small sonogram of their baby from the appointment she had almost a month prior, then read what was written on the back of it.

Now Carson was left figuring out how to tell him what was on the back of that picture, but Carson just knew that telling him would help ease the current situation the two of them were in. So, without a second thought, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled until her head was able to rest on his chest.

The gesture caught Auston slightly off guard, but he quickly reacted and soon enough had his arms wrapped around her while placing a soft peck to the top of Carson's head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Auston," Carson stated while squeezing him a little tighter. "You were being your protective self and looking out for the ones you love. You're incredible, do you know that? And it's just things like this that I can't help but think of how our little girl is going to have the best dad on the planet."

At that, he went stiff, and Carson couldn't stop the enormous grin that began stretching its way across her mouth. Auston eventually pulled away just enough to look down at her with wide eyes and a shocked expression.

"Little girl?"

"Yeah," Carson told him and let out a tiny sob as the happy tears began pricking her eyes. "Baby Girl Matthews will be making her debut here pretty soon."

"What, I-," Auston started but stopped himself as he pulled her in for another tight hug and just held her there for a minute. "We're having a girl?"

"We are," she confirmed while reaching up to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry I looked without you."

"That doesn't even matter," he said before moving away so that he could lean down to place a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. "I'm just- wow."

"I figured if the world is going to know we're expecting, at least this could be our little secret for the time being."

"You know my sisters are going to lose their minds over having a niece, right? Although I really would have been happy with whatever we were having."

"Me too," Carson agreed. "But this way, us girls get to keep you outnumbered for a bit longer."

"A bit?" Auston asked and looked at her questionably. "Are you suggesting that we have another baby before the first one is even here?"

"I mean, I don't hate the idea," she explained with a smirk. "Not that we need to think about that yet or anything, but yeah, I could see myself having a few kiddos with you."

"I like the sound of that," he replied and gave Carson another peck on the lips. "But after this little one arrives, I think I actually want to marry you first."

"Not opposed to that idea either."

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