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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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oh i am powerfully grumpy today let me list the reasons why to break their hold over me! and then i will list the substantive good things that will counterbalance the grumpiness.

WHY AM I GRUMPY

didn’t sleep well and got up too early (this, as you will see, is probably the root of all other ills)

was pretty cranky with ruthie at 5am because she wouldn’t poop and wanted to just wander around outside & take a little walk instead. which fine but i was so tired and grumpy already haha. and then i always feel like a CRUEL MONSTER after i have spoken to her a bit sharply because she is a sweet little girl and sometimes you just don’t have to poop ok! also sometimes when i have been short with the dogs i am like oh great this is like a two-second glimpse of the lowest setting of sleep-deprived parenthood i bet i am going to handle that GREAT. (you can see here how i was already in that Mood where your crabbiness starts magnetizing all other free-floating crabbiness in the ether towards it)

got a little cranky on the phone with my mom because it felt like she was taking a liiiittle dig at me about the salary cut i’m taking (i don’t think she intentionally was i was just already kind of grumpy and sensitive)

i am experiencing some lowgrade anxiety about the HSG test tomorrow, partly because i have read that is going to be moderately painful and partly because i am worried it will reveal bigger problems

my lead just straight up stood me up for a meeting today lol... i was on the teams call for 10 min just waiting and then she didn’t respond to any of my messages so i hung up but can’t really wander away from my laptop in case she calls me back... i’ve been just kinda Over It for a while but man it is annoying when she does stuff like this. also lol she did the thing in a meeting yesterday where i offered to review this tiny inconsequential project real quick with my boss and my lead jumped in to be like “to make the best use of [boss]’s time, i think it’s best if i review the content first to ensure everything looks okay” which is code for “i am going to make one formatting change and then schedule a meeting with our boss without inviting you where i imply that your work was so shoddy i had to make MAJOR changes to salvage it.” i was just like sure girl. whatever. enjoy these last few days of getting to powertrip over me. you are so close to being in my rearview mirror forever.

i only have like 1-2 pointless work projects left before my last day (next friday) but they are so pointless and so hazily defined that working on them plunges me into a deep work despair spiral even though i am SO close to being done with this stupid job. i know i need to just pull myself together and finish them but wow. i hate this.

some IRL friend stuff is making me a little bit irritated and i just need to sit down for a minute at some point and decide if/how i want to react to it. it’s genuinely not a big deal it’s just one of those situations where there have been multiple small annoyances that are not exactly anyone’s fault but cumulatively just make me feel a little put-out. however i am aware that if i’d slept 2 more hours last night i might feel totally different about it so i am just bracketing it today.

phew okay. now WHAT ARE SOME OF THE GENUINELY GOOD & MEANINGFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE FILLING ME WITH A SENSE OF GRATITUDE THAT I GET TO BE ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IN THIS MOMENT?

i wrote for 3+ hours this morning and feel really intrigued by the project... not sure if i have a sense of where it’s going yet but it’s been quite a while since i’ve been in that headspace where you wake up and reach blearily for your phone right away because you’re just HUNGRY to review the writing you did the previous night & start working on the new draft. i am very, very much hoping that a change of job and scenery will jumpstart my creativity a bit... i think it’s just challenging to write when literally nothing is happening in your life. you have all this open unstructured time, which means you don’t value any of the time you have (because if you don’t write in THIS empty moment you can always put it off to the next empty moment!), and then you are just sitting at home not experiencing any social or intellectual stimuli so i feel like you don’t get that “lots of ideas sloshing around in my brain... new encounters triggering new ways of looking at or connecting them... back-burner brain stuff simmering while doing other activities” stuff going. ANYWAY this is all to say it feels good to be writing again & feeling excited about writing whether or not this one sticks. i am just happier when i am engaging in the practice of making things even if i am not finishing things.

part of why i started writing again is that i got two extremely long, detailed, thoughtful comments on my last story from another writer that just made me feel so, so good and creatively energized. all comments are soooo good/valued but i feel like there is something extra special about getting that kind of extremely detailed feedback from a talented writer who picks up on why you did certain things and has a very clear sense of the really, really time-intensive revision and redrafting work that goes into weaving multiple layers into a story. i read the comments yesterday and at first was happy but also kind of in a funk about it - like it was SO nice and affirming to receive them but i have also kind of built that story up in my mind to be the best/most fully realized thing i’ve ever written and can sometimes get down on myself feeling like i’ll never be able to top it or even repeat it. but then i read the comments several more times and started thinking about some of the specific scenes or choices the person was highlighting and just remembering how many times i patiently reworked not-great versions of those scenes to just steadily make them better and more effective. and i was just like okay listen. it just takes hard work and time. i have to put in the hard work. i have to invest the time. i have to give up the fantasy that the first version i write (or the second version or the tenth version) is going to be, or should be, perfect. i’m so proud of that polished final work but to get there i had to really keep the draft shitty and unfinished and patchworked-together and rough around the edges so that i could have the flexibility to rearrange things and torpedo what wasn’t working and generate new ideas through new combinations of rough material. so get over yourself and get to work, you idiot, or you really will never make anything again because you’ll have gotten wrapped up in some fantasy of doing things perfectly the very first time. ANYWAY it was a journey haha but those comments got me moving again and it really made me remember again how much i value being part of a creative community where you get to have that kind of engagement with other readers and writers.

i think it’s going to be a stupidly gorgeous day out! and then a stupidly gorgeous next week or two! soooo nice to have nice weather!! spring is here!!! i scrubbed down the deck last night before bed finally and am now just awaiting the delivery of the outdoor rug and side table.

��i had a really, really good catch-up call yesterday afternoon with a former mentee i worked closely with for a few years in my last job. i thought she was probably reaching out to ask about a letter of rec or something but it turned out that she actually just wanted to tell me about how this project she started years ago with me has continued to grow/evolve and has led to these pretty major institutional changes around making caste a protected class at our university. she was just like, ‘i’ve been thinking about you so much all year because everything we’ve been doing is rooted in the research ethos you taught me in that program. and then it just occurred to me that instead of just thinking about you i could reach out to tell you about how much you shaped this work.’ it was just so good to hear from her and so amazing to hear about this stuff she and her co-organizers have been able to achieve in the last couple years!! it made me feel really good/happy (for her but also obviously it’s just nice when people say nice things about your teaching impact!) and i also feel like it kinda lit a fire under me a little bit... like this past year has been so isolating and i think one thing i’ve missed is the way that students’ passionate commitments push YOU to be more engaged in your own life/community and more awake in your own life. i feel like this student in particular always pushed me to be more honest you know... she’s one of those people who is continuously pursuing difficult, important work because she believes it’s the right thing to do and she knows she has the skillset to do it. so i just want to hold onto that feeling you know... like as i begin to become more involved in the life of a campus community again and more connected to students i just want to keep pushing myself out of this period of isolation and into the world to do meaningful work.

#teaching #personal

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notasapleasure · 2 years

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Tag game

I got tagged by @batri-jopa, thank you! It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these :)

Favorite color: Always changing, but I tend to come back towards greens/purples/turquoises most often.

Currently reading: My reading brain is awol. I've been part-way through issue 32 of The White Review for about three months. I just can't relax into a book or even poems at the moment without the nagging sensation something's going to interrupt me/I need to go and do something else. Obviously I read every day for work and for editing fic, though.

Last song: Magnet - You Got the Power. I was making a folky playlist (by request of @stripedroseandsketchpads!) and had it pretty much done, then wondered if the band that did the Wicker Man soundtrack have other albums. They do, but it's pretty a different style and kind of generic.

Last series: I was re-watching Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries with mum, before then it was Shadow & Bone, if we're talking about last completed series. But I did also spend a day hungover and binge-watching season 2 of The Wine Show which is...actually really good?? I was watching for James Purefoy's fnar fnar comments but stayed for James Purefoy expertly rounding up bulls on Camargue horses and the camera operator's shots lingering on his smirking mouth. Unfortunately my trial subscription to that channel ran out, so no more educative TV for me.

Last movie: The Aeronauts. Good! I enjoyed it, Felicity Jones is excellent and it looked very pretty and somehow made a compelling narrative out of very little material, with good editing and use of flashbacks.

Spicy/Sweet/Savory: Savoury and spicy! Speaking of, it's ქართული საჭმელი night. Georgian food, my beloved: the perfect combination of rich comfort food (cheese and bread and dough and beans!) and subtle, delicious spices.

Currently working on: Ok, this is awkward but here is a list of drafts in my notes app that I have been picking at over the last few weeks...

ATWD: Inchoate (though I'm on a short break while I practice tightening up writing passage-of-time chapters)

ATWD/Lymond: The sort-of sequel to I Will Shake Mountains, which is actually the world's most niche crossover with a 1980s band AU of a book series about a genius depressive sixteenth-century mercenary nobleman. When I put it like that it sounds insane, I know, but basically what it is is Merab and Irakli in London encountering some rich and successful old queer artists in London and getting confidence and support from the meeting.

Lymond: The band AU characters celebrate Margaret Thatcher's downfall in a series (?20 or so?) of vignettes from the party, with an accompanying playlist. I stg @erinaceina it will be finished one day. Maybe even before Bojo fucks off, too!

Lymond: A follow-up to that Jerott and Danny canonverse 'one shot' I wrote. No I CAN'T just leave it as it is because they haven't kissed yet, don't you understand???

Lymond: band AU emotional/dynamic mediation whump with a side of UST, Jerott/Gabriel and the significance of Francis Crawford...

Also there’s WIPs that I also remembered existed and am kind of annoyed no-one's going to finish for me, because there's a lot to like there, but I need to learn the art of brevity. I might try using the plots/settings to challenge myself to write <1000 word summary fics. If there's any in particular anyone wants to see just shout at me and it might be more likely to happen... They're all Lymond, drafts from pre-pandemic times I believe.

Marthe takes Francis' place at the end of PiF and Jerott acts as caretaker for Francis as they pursue her and Guzel. Jerott and Francis come to...healthier terms with one another (aka oh just shag and get over yourselves boys).

Jerott turns up at St Mary's with a wound in need of care. Aka the old 'Jerott gets stabbed in the butt' fic. Francis as caretaker. Jerott and Philippa having a conversation that I remember thinking was very important at the time but now can't remember precisely what aspect of their shared trauma around Francis it concerned.

...there's a theme here. The 'St Sebastian fic' where Jerott gets shot full of arrows and admits something to Francis, thinking he's going to die. Francis goes on a Rampage.

Right now I've written the word 'Jerott' so many times I feel like a fool.

I'm going to go and make some Georgian food and think about what I've done. ^^'

Thank you for tagging me, @batri-jopa!! And thank you for all your beautiful ATWD art. I’ll be interested to know what you think of Wet Sand when you see it, too - I did not fall for it like I fell for ATWD, but I think it is an important step in (queer) Georgian cinema :)

Tagging anyone who wants to do this, but no pressure @stripedroseandsketchpads @erinaceina @notfromcold @kheldara @raelis1

#tag game #tag meme #i can't even write a short tag game post smh

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fumikomiyasaki · 1 year

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I dunno if you're still taking these, but would it be ok to ask for 🌆 with any of our ships?

How about just one date?

So given the last thing I wrote with momo and Mellow was like a date, I will only write the rest.

After Gabrielle was done with her usual dorm leader duties... she send Sylvester a message to meet her... on that day she led him to the courtyard... with a big bucket of different weapons.

“The first years have made these.... its time to put them to the test on these dolls. Are you up for it?”

He took one of the daggers in the bucket and put his finger up the blade..

“This one is way too dull, couldn’t hurt a fly. Seems like a child made this.”

She chuckled. “Your eye for this is do like about you...Well then...”

She took another dagger and pinned him lightly to the wall, and held it close to him.

“What about this one?”

“Do you want me to kiss you or why are you doing it like that? Well this one is definetly more deadly and well crafted...”

“Thanks for the compliment, this one is the one I made as example.”

She put the dagger away but didn’t let up from him... seemingly still close looking at him... both of their lips meeting before looking back at the weapons.

“Lets save more fun for later, how about we really test these babies?”

She smirked. “Then lets make it a little throwing contest... whoever wins can lead the first attack later.”

“I like your thinking, Gabi... fine challenge accepted.”

He didn’t know what to do after he managed to even ask Marinus on a date... however in the end he settled for a candy store and after that a trip to the beach... making sure that Marinus is fed enough and ready to go with him to watch the sea...

They both stucked up on tons of candy in their bags as Tiam sighed, pushing a big umbrella in the sand to make sure he doesn’t get any chance to get sunburned.

“Why did you bring me here when you hate the sun?”

“I-I thought you might enjoy the w-water cause... y-you know...”

“How about you let me help you rub you with sunoil and join me then? “

“There is a-another reason I d-don’t go in the water.”

He pointed to his hair and sighed... Marinus sat down.

“Then its no use... lets just pack the stuff in and spend some time in your room.”

“B-but...”

“I have more fun when you are happy too and feel good... come on.”

He nodded and helped him pack everything, including the umbrella... Going back and Marinus just resting close with him, eating some snacks while watching some shows... Tiam having somewhat of a less crazy smile on his mouth, tempting Marinus to tease him a little about it.

Mythras choice to take Amos on a date was more guided... In one of her more alluring dress she arrived at his room and take him on her motorcycle into the city nightlife... first getting some good food and drinks at a bar just to go into her favourite club to dance with him... She kept him very close, knowing full well that if she doesn’t some others might try to court her again as she often had the trouble...

Eventually they settled to walk the park in the night on their way back.

“Are you fine Mythra, you seem wobbly?”

“Just my heels... guess all the dancing made them too uncomfortable...My feet hurt but I am glad about it.”

He looked back at her and then picked her up. She wasn’t even phased and led her arms around his neck.

“You are just such a darling, Amos.”

“Don’t overdo it, my dear... alright.”

She gave him a peck on the cheek and smiled.

“I will give it my all when it matters, till then I just want to have my fun and dance the night away. I blame these shoes, not myself.”

He laughed a little. “Blame the drinks as well... let me get you back then.”

“Aww but, don’t you wanna stay over? I could give you some affection... and maybe more.”

He quickly got flustered.

“Then I will take this offer.”

She was pretty nervous at first... sure they have been hanging out in school a lot but a date... that would be her first for now... but still she mustered the courage to arrange something.... and in the end settled for a Sushi restaurant in hope they have his favourite on the menu as well as taking some advice from Lyla over Mythra in how she dresses... in the end she waited for him in a simple green loose dress, face red with a smile.

“Ah perfect on time, lets go in...” His face was also a little red looking at her as both walked into the building... it was in general pretty inside... a big cherry blossom tree and much atmosphere. However as they got the menu she was relieved... not only had they his fried eel but also for her some good sushi types.

“So... you are really fine to be seen with me like this?”

“What are you saying? I am happy that you are here with me... usually Lyla and Leroy accompany to try out new restaurants but... somewhat this feels more special... if its just you and me. I enjoy your company.”

She showed him a light smile as he looked away and nodded... although they didn’t talk that much, somewhat she felt happy just enjoying some food and at least getting a little more to be close with him... after all was done and she paid they both walked outside... the moonlight shining down on the buildings...

“Would you mind walking me back to the dorm?... At night I always feel a little unsafe...”

He took her hand and nodded. “Of course I will...”

Even just the little warmth from his hand was enough to make her heart beat and feel warm inside... she saw full well how flustered he was as they finally arrived at the ramshackle dorm... however as he was about to leave she swiftly pulled him down by his collar for a soft kiss on the lips.

“Take it as thank you for tonight... I would love to do this again with you...Maybe next time... you could even stay over a little...”

And as she left inside the dorm she still felt just swept away and happy by how this night was... still keeping a good mood into her sleep.

#twisted wonderland oc #twst ocs #twst oc #twst #disney twst #twisted wonderland ocs #twisted wonderland original character #gabrielle ravenor #gabrielle x sylvester #tiam falldow #tiam x marinus #mythra cenov #mythra x amos #carol ann #carol x cho hee

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about27th · 1 month

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big applause to myself

went through a mental difficulty just now but feeling better now

it's been a long yet quick two months putting myself out there, worrying every second about getting judged by people

however, it's been a surprising journey

the recognitions and encouragement i received were immense -- especially the gentleman who approached and told us we did a good job making people curious about our idea, it's really a good start

the host said that he's bn waiting the entire night for our turn; the judges expressed their astonishment watching the video pitch; there's also bn great laughters throughout our Q&A section --- what have i done to deserve so much attention! it was totally INSANE

yet i still blamed myself for not doing good enough and had to call samaritan to try to get rid of the strange and uneasy feeling

i mean

i wrote the entire business proposal without any business background

i made a 3-min pitch video in 2 days with no prior video editing experience

i wrote a damn good live pitch script

although didnt fully understood what the judges said, i still answered their questions in fluent english and in front of a full house of audience

most importantly, i got to turn something that seems challenging into a viable idea

what else do you want to achieve?!

now in retrospect, was that not another kind of recognition? HUGE recognition. yes, other groups were awarded tangible prizes.. but only our group received that special treatment, that's SOMETHING

i started to feel that, after last year's dissertation presentations and this workshop, i may have greatly underestimated myself; i am actually capable of lots of things than i ever know..

i know my cptsd is really fking with my ability to feel pleasure and enjoy life

and here i thought of Richard's advice -- is that (whatever 'bad' happening) something to blame myself for, or a lesson to learn from?

yes it could be done better, yes you could have treated it more seriously; but instead of keep blaming yourself for something that no longer can be changed, why not learn from it and give yourself credits for the part that's done well?

and also, always remind yourself not to overly focus on your own but pay attention to others and genuinely cheer for them when they succeed.. it's ok to not be perfect even when in a seemingly life changing event; knowing how to feel happy for people will also make you happy (and less resentful)

that's the note for myself

give credit

take the recognition and not assume it to be the expectation that you need to meet

pay attention or engage with others, distracting yourself from imagined problems

“In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity” --- Albert Einstein

i'm so glad i've turned this crises into an opportunity to learn

below is the link for my video pitch, i hope it'll put a smile on your face because many have told me that's what i've made them; if it doesnt, dont have to be mad at me, it's a learning process

vimeo

well done jojo!

#accomplishments #self development #self compassion #pitch #purple mode #round of applause #a day in the life #random thoughts #what a day #purple #made my day #Vimeo

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ffxvheadcanonsnooneaskedfor · 2 years

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Saw that requests were open and wanted to ask for headcanons on how the Chocobros would write love letters to their f/os! Thank you!

Ok this is absolutely adorable. Also ✨congrats✨ on being my first ask since being resurrected from the FFXV graves. I hope it’s ok but I kinda based this off as if they were writing sometime after the time skip (for extra angst). I ended up basing them all off of old love letters so I hope I did your request justice!

Noctis: (y/n) My love,

It’s been 10 long years. When Talcott told me you’ve kept safe I was so happy I cried.

I really shouldn’t complain about anything that happens to me, as long as you love me and I love you. It’s so real and beautiful, it makes me forget the pains and troubles.

The journey we’ve been on has been unpredictable, mysterious, profoundly challenging, and yes even fulfilling. In fact, it’s the difficulties that make me realize just how deeply in love I am with you, and how grateful I am we crossed paths. Even if it was for a short amount of time.

Know that no matter what happens once the sun rises again, I’ll make my way back to you.

Love,

Your Noctis

Promoto: Dearest (y/n),

Everyday since I met you I wanted to write you a letter. I wrote so many, but each one sounded more stupid and empty than the last and I tore them up. Sometimes it’s very hard to express myself.

I’ve known you for years now, and as time passes the more I fall deeper in love with you. Whenever I talk to you I get flustered, whenever I talk about you to other people I get you get tongue tied, you make my heart jump every time I see you. You’ve made these 10 years of darkness feel so much brighter just with your smile.

Our future will be bright my darling, even if we never see the sun again, because we have each other.

With all my heart and soul, I love you.

Yours always,

Prompto

Ignis: Hello my darling (y/n),

I absolutely adore you- from your head to your toes. And tomorrow I will adore you even more. And the day after, I will even more so. Despite things, you make this life beautiful. And for that I am grateful.

My world maybe dark, but you are my sun. Your words, your lips, your laugh- your laugh so crisp and honest.

I lost a lot when I lost my sight., but the one thing that remains is you.

You are so lovey. My gods, I’m so glad you exist.

Yours,

Ignis

Gladiolus: Sweetheart,

I wish I could be home when you wake up, so this is my way of making up for it.

Every time I go out on one of these hunting jobs, I feel that we have grown even closer. Each moment spent together, growing fonder of each other.

I think of you constantly. You are the one I want to wake up next to and fall asleep with every night. The one I can imagine spending the rest of my life with.

I miss you terribly, and I long for the day the sun rises and I can wake up next to you again.

With so much love,

Gladio

#final fantasy 15 #final fantasy xv #ff15 #ffxv #final fantasy #noctis lucis caelum #ffxv headcanons #prompto argentum #ignis scientia #gladiolus amicitia #sorry gladio’s is kinda short #although I guess it’s a little fitting #he seems like he’s get straight to the point #ffxv noctis #ffxv prompto #ffxv ignis #ffxv gladio

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lemeute · 2 years

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13, jiang cheng, wen zhuliu, wen ning

sfkdjlfj I wrote up this answer last night and then tumblr ate it unfortunately BUT uh here we go the second time: have as your wedding planner, have as your parole officer, have as the Fake Date you bring to a family event

isaac apaladinagain is on parole!

the necessary choice here is that Wen Ning is my parole officer. I feel bad for putting him in this scenario, because ACAB, but also I am n o t dealing with either of these other two in that setting. jesus christ. also, Wen Ning is much more of a sneaky badass than he’s usually given credit for, so maybe it could work out?? I could very carefully connect him to people who could support him in quitting the police department (prisons department?? I’m not sure if parole officers are always in corrections specifically), and he could very carefully not report people’s parole violations etc. god. this sounds so stressful and way too connected to things I think about in my real life. (I have a call in two hours with my public defender bc I’m still going to zoom court from an arrest at an action back in June, and I have lots of support from lots of people about it but damn it really makes you think about what that process is like for people who go through it without a community offering information, resources, connections, and all kinds of other help) anyway U H Wen Ning is my parole officer also abolish prisons send tweet

isaac apaladinagain is getting married!

ok. moving on. pretty sure Jiang Cheng would thrive as a wedding planner and also rock at it and I love that for him, but I deeply wouldn’t want him as my wedding planner, y’know??? like. he is too highkey and also too high-budget. my approach to event decoration is very “how can we create a tasteful aesthetic from these repurposed sheets and jars, some branches I just found being pruned off bushes at the park, and 3 carefully selected items from dollar tree” and I like it that way!! it’s a fun challenge for the brain; it’s an adventure! and I am pretty sure it is the kind of adventure that would stress Jiang Cheng the fuck out, thereby stressing me out.

so I’m bringing Wen Zhuliu with me on this adventure instead. I think his shrug emoji energy will be perfect, actually. also he is very employer-loyal, even in the face of The Worst Boss (I can only imagine being Wen Chao’s direct report for about 5 seconds before I start curling in on myself in horror), so tbh I can easily imagine that if presented with someone who is like. reasonable. considerate. etc., he would be ready to murder someone on their behalf by the time it was their wedding day.

also also, the possibility of scenarios like this is just too good to pass up:

me [dropping my denim jacket covered in activist patches on a chair]: hi ahhh I’m so sorry I’m late, I wasn’t planning to marshall this rally but I got there and they were short on hands

wen zhuliu [who is dressed in black cultivator robes]: it is not a problem. in addition to our planned agenda, I have brought some sample invitations.

me: oh!!! that’s so nice of you! honestly though I was thinking I would just print them at the library and back them on some maps from this outdated atlas I have if that’s okay with you?? you already put this work in, sorry, I just would rather DIY this part!!!

wen zhuliu: [blinks, shrugs, crosses “invitations” off his list, picks up fabric swatches instead]

me: okay uh wait sorry this is off-topic but. have you ever taken a de-escalation training or a police liaison training or something. I know you’re my wedding planner and I probably shouldn’t try to recruit my wedding planner to roles at actions it’s just uh. you seem like you would be so fucking good at it, like, rockstar good, and all our current good police liaisons are so burned out on it--

isaac apaladinagain needs a fake date for a family event!

this means that my fake date is..... Jiang Cheng! which is going to go wrong in every way; neither of us is the other’s type and both of us are too ace to really sell it based on pure physical attraction

fortunately my immediate family would help me keep up the ruse once they figured it out, assuming the stakes were important enough. unfortunately they would never let me live it down and would still be asking me ten years later what they should get him for Christmas.

#also unfortunately I DO talk with that many punctuation marks audible in my voice #cql tag #behold a meme

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jade-of-mourning · 3 years

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theformat wrote, "im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

in which i spontaneously take several hours to translate nate’s awfully punctuated commentary on dog problems into Comprehensive English Words. partially so i can write my stupid essay on it for fun. but yes here you go, 4.2k words from a 2006 livejournal archive that i managed to snatch out of two saves. here’s a link if you want to read it from the source, but i’ll have you know it’s a nightmare. early 2000′s nate ruess learn how to type properly challenge.

theformat wrote,

[@ 2006-5-18 18:44:00]

"im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

Hi,

Sitting on my couch, watching ESPN. Damn, it’s good to be home. Things have been pretty crazy the last 6 months. As a lot of you know, we were dropped by our label — we went and recorded a new record, labels became interested, [and] we decided to release it ourselves. We went on tour, and now I’m [...] home for the next week: my first week off in six months. What do I do?

Well, my roommate and I got memberships to the YMCA down the street from our house. It’s an amazing place. Downtown Phoenix is pretty much an amazing place. It’s not like the rest of the state — speaking of which, I’m declaring war on Scottsdale, it’s the opposite of Downtown Phoenix.

Anyways, so I wake up at 9am every morning. I don’t know what it is, really — I’ve been a "pro" musician for about 3 years now, [and] we are supposed to wake up at 11 or 12. I know some dudes that wake up at 1, but no; since I’ve been home the last few days, I’ve been going to bed at 1 and waking up at 9. My roommate has a job, [so] I think it has to do with that.

See, there are 3 showers total in our house. I have the big bedroom, so I have the big shower, [and] since I’ve been off on tour and recording, he has gotten used to the nice shower in my room (Which is fine — anyone that’s gotten close to me knows I’m not too fond of showers, so it’s not like I use it that much). So every morning around 8:45, I wake up to my door opening and my roommate going through my room to use the shower.

You know what it’s like when you’re half asleep but you want to act like you’re awake so as not to freak someone out with all the crazy babble, but you just end up saying all the same crazy babble? I do that every morning. I turn and look at him and try to act like I wasn’t just dreaming about tootsie rolls and parrots that shatter like glass. "Hey [Roommate's Name], that was some game last night" [is what usually] comes out of my mouth — something to that extent — and I think he feels sorry for me, but continues to walk right into my bathroom, and use the shower.

At this point, I’m awake. I usually have to pee, and I have to then use his restroom. It’s a terrible swap, and it always ends with me wide awake on my front porch (har har) smoking a cigarette and wondering how the hell I’m gonna fall back asleep when the air conditioning is broken. Ah, what a wonderful life at home, [but] that’s the weird thing — I love it. Now we wake up and we go to the [YMCA]. We run, we play basketball, we jump in the pool, we play pool basketball, we get yelled at for dunking the ball. We don’t use soap before we go into the sauna, and the night usually ends with a poker tournament. This is the life I love to live when I’m away from the road. It too is the opposite of Scottsdale. It’s who I am, [and] it’s pretty much who I’ve become.

See, for the last 23 years, it’s been about the highs and the lows for me. I’ve got an addictive personality, [so] I stay away from a lot of things because of this; however, when I find things, I get generally excited. I go crazy. It’s all I think about and all I do for the next howeverlong. For the first 23 years, it was either talking non-stop or locking myself in my room. It’s either great or terrible; not good or bad. Dog Problems changed that.

Initially, Dog Problems was supposed to be that — the original concept of Dog Problems was to be 2 sides of music, the first half taking over where Interventions [+ Lullabies] had left off: "We'll be together in the morning…"

We weren’t, in fact. We were over before Interventions was even released. We were over two weeks after it was recorded, [and] I spent the next 2 years feeling terrible. We got back together… we broke up… we got dogs… we broke up… we got back together and got dogs…

I was still miserable, but I wanted Dog Problems to get me through everything. I wanted it to help me, not anyone else — just me. The first side was supposed to be me down in the dumps [and] everything that went down: how the two of us were dealing with it differently, [and] the second half was supposed to be a realization.

The first inkling of realization was a day [when] we were on tour. We were all laughing about something I’m sure Marko or Adam said. Here I was supposed to be depressed, but the fact that I can spend all of my days in different states with my best friends, all of us doing what we love — that was major! Then my mom called… I’ve got my parents! My friends! What else could I possibly need?

At that point, I felt as if a relationship in a Michael Bolton sort of way didn’t mean anything. It was the people you surrounded yourself with — those were the people that made the difference, and that was going to be side two. I was convinced that when I just closed my eyes and thought about the wonderful people around me, I was going to be great. Not good, [but] great.

I didn’t get that far, no. I got back into the relationship.

I was sure it was going to work. At that point, life would be perfect, and we all want perfection right? [But] things went right back to far from perfect. Things went to terrible. I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, but I had a concept. At that point, I figured that even by singing and recording these positive songs I was going to feel better, so Sam showed me what was then just a short acoustic guitar version of Snails.

This was it. This was my first chance to prove to myself that life can be beautiful. The thing is, I had never been more miserable. I remember writing the lyrics to Snails: my roommate was at work, I was on the bed, on my night stand was a giant bottle of booze, and somewhere off in California she wasn’t calling me back on a Friday night. So I went to work, listened [to it] over and over. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be positive. I passed out, then I woke up the next morning [with a] big headache (P.S. drinking is not really that cool; it’s cool when you condemn it for the first 22 years of your life, then it becomes not cool, then it becomes ok when you moderate yourself) and I started writing everything positive I could think of. [...] Snails was, in Sam’s mind, supposed to be a 2 minute kid’s song, [but] I wrote so much that there was no going back. I thought that was it — Snails solved all of my problems.

It didn’t get that far either. Nothing could shake the depression, [and] I really started to worry about myself. Here I want to feel great, but I only feel terrible, [and] a few months later it got really really bad. I had to go to my parents house that night, I didn’t want to be at my house. I wanted to feel like a kid.

It’s funny how we always want to be adults when we're younger. We want to drive cars, we want to have girlfriends. I still didn’t consider myself an adult — all I wanted was to come home, be tucked in, know that everything was going to be alright. I woke up the next day [and found out] she met someone new. I’ve got to figure myself out…

In the meantime, we've got 4 songs we are recording over at our friend Aaron’s house (he is an amazing producer and [...] musician, and his house and his roommates have gotten me through a lot of tough times. They’re some of the only people I know who would rather spend their Saturdays getting dinner and watching a movie instead of going to a party. I like that). All of this turmoil in my relationship was going on at the time, and I was trying to write side two [but] I couldn’t. There was more fuel to side one. These songs have to be done, so I wrote about what I knew, and at that point I knew how to feel terrible.

So much for side two. Dog Problems is going to be one giant mess of depression and "look what you’ve done to me".

Atlantic got those four songs, as well as a few others. They were not psyched, to say the least, but some people at the label actually cared about it enough to say "go record". So we were able to pick our producer, we met with a few people, talked to a few more. Things were looking up. Dog Problems was going to happen.

I remember meeting Steve McDonald at his house — Sam and I were excited to be [there] because we knew his wife Anna would probably be there. Anna was the lead singer/songwriter for a band we used to obsess about called "That Dog", her brother was one of the ten drummers in the world that I actually liked, so Steve couldn't be so bad. And he wanted to produce our record, so he had to be pretty cool!

He was just that, and more. Sam and I were eating every word that came out of his mouth. He had stories; he was young, hip, energetic, and yet very all knowing. We saw someone that was going to let us do whatever we wanted to do, and in the meantime he was going to make us laugh and make sure we didn't lose our minds. From that point on, I knew there was someone I could always trust. I made a friend pretty quick.

Things were moving forward. Steve McDonald was to be the producer. I hated Los Angeles so there was no way in hell I was going to record there, [so] we decided Palm Springs would be perfect. Weird, but perfect. I had a phone conversation with Steve that night and we were finalizing everything. I was going to call Atlantic in the morning and let them know just how everything was going to work, [but] I didn't get that far.

I was sleeping in a blowup bed at the house when my phone rang. I didn’t wake up and answer like it was my roommate and he was coming into my room to use my shower, [because] this call felt different. Right away, I was awake.

It was our manager: "You’ve been dropped."

When I heard that, the first thought going through my mind wasn’t "Oh man...how are we going to be famous now and make boat loads of money?" It was more like "fuck...but Dog Problems. We were supposed to go make Dog Problems."

The thing is, Atlantic wasn’t into Dog Problems. They were into whatever it was they thought we were. Never had The First Single made more sense — what was supposed to be a song about getting the band started and doing something with it had actually turned into a song about how stuck we were in the labels eyes because of the song. I was past that; we're proud of something we wrote when we were 19 and 20, but when I think of music, I think of progression.

I think of all of the wonderful records I had been introduced to when I had nothing to do riding in a van. I think of all of the new influences, all the instruments, all of the "How did they do that?" And I think of how much it gets me through everything.

Music has been the consecutive[ly] great[est] thing in my life. It’s been that one thing, and with Dog Problems, it wasn’t about "I want everyone to sing along because I can write a catchy song." It was about feeling. It was paying tribute to all of the bands that we obsessively listened to. It was for Harry Nilsson and Van Dyke Parks, it was for Jellyfish and XTC. It was our way of saying thanks for making our lives better, whether it be lyrically or musically. It was never about being something, being told something, and sticking to something. It was an adventure, for the artist and for the listener.

[And] they didn't get that. They wanted the old record, the old songs, just with different words and a few different chords here and there. They didn’t care about Snails or Dog problems [or] what it meant to write those songs. They knew it wasn't going to be huge; the guitars were not big enough (if big guitars are your thing that’s fine, it’s just not really our thing right now); it wasn’t going to be competitive, and so they dropped us. And rightfully so: we weren’t going to change, and obviously the major label business is never going to change, [so] now it comes down to who goes down first. And we weren’t ready to go down.

Sam and I had conversations about it, whether the business end of things have been fucking with us so much that we'll never be sane enough to just enjoy it. We thought about getting out — it wasn’t [be]cause we hated each other, or the songs; it was because we hated the business.

Steve called to let us know that he was still onboard, label or not, [and] we let him know we were still on board. We were going to make this record, [and] I was going to feel great! But the record was going to cost something. How could we afford it?

We were lucky that we had a management company like Nettwerk. Not only are they the most forward-thinking music business people around, [but] they’re also (for the most part) Canadian. Oh, and they care a shit load about the music we make. They could have waited for the ship to sink, but they told us they would pay for the record if need be. Fortunately, we were able to get money for getting dropped — Atlantic actually paid us to leave, so we could afford the recording ourselves. The only stipulation was that it had to be done quicker, and when you want something quick, you have to go to the "right here, right now" capitol of the world: Los Angeles. I was a little irked at the thought at first, then Steve said it was his personal goal to make LA a wonderful city for me. Like I said, I would jump off a cliff if Steve said it was the best way to get coffee, but I wasn’t jumping off of cliffs. I was too excited to make Dog Problems, [so] LA it was.

Sam and I moved to the "Silver Palace" in Silverlake California in the middle of December. We found an amazing studio in Burbank, California and an amazing engineer in Ken Sluiter, and our goal was to just do everything free from a record label and someone constantly messing up the recording process by saying things like "that’s not high octave enough". The only pressure we had at all was from our manager saying "You have a tour you accepted in March, [so] get it done by then.” Other than that, it was me, Sam, Steve, and Ken working 13 hours a day for 6 days a week.

It became our lives we were putting so much of ourselves into. Everyone that worked and played on the record was the same way when they were there contributing. I would leave the studio at 2 in the morning and wake up at 10 to be at the studio by 11. There was no free time — the four of us were so invested in this. We all bought into the concept.

In the meantime, things outside of the studio were getting interesting. We had a lot of labels calling and constantly asking about it. During one week of recording, I remember at least 3 different label people coming down to the studio. Our minds weren’t made up as to what we were doing with the record once it was recorded — all we wanted to do was finish it — but we kept our options open and let people sit in the big chair and listen to what we had been working on. The response was overwhelmingly positive, but we didn’t really think about it too much beyond the compliments we were receiving. Sam and I got used to LA — I was 10 minutes away from where I had been the previous summer when I was back "on" in my “on and off" relationship. I was ten minutes from her, she was calling every day, I was singing about it… but how was it not getting to me? Why did I not care?

My phone was off. I woke up in Silverlake one morning and started wondering why for the last month I had a smile on my face. Sure, I was down at times, but the thing that had been bringing me down for 3 years was now the last thing on my mind. Apparently, it had been that way for awhile. Something that took 3 years to get over… I was finally just okay with it. No big realization — just the fact that things happen. People make mistakes. And I came out of it alright. I was good; not great… I was good, and that felt good.

I wasn’t looking for great anymore. I was okay. The last song on Dog Problems is all about that. Here, this record was supposed to be the downs, and the ups, and it ended with the middle: the realization that I don’t need to be talking; I don’t need to be locked in my room — I need to enjoy what’s going on around me. And if things go wrong, they go wrong. There’s always tomorrow.

Dog Problems means so much to me in so many different ways. I’ve never been more proud of anything in my life. I cried so many times during the making of the record. All the money I had spent on therapy, and all I had to do was go make a record, realize that I’m alright, and realize that I made something that I’ll forever be proud of.

Shit… the record was supposed to be about how California can change you for the worse, [but] it played a huge part in doing the opposite!

So as we were putting the finishing touches on the record (all our friends came in and recorded! A ton of people we admired came and worked on the record! All of their responses were so positive that it's hard not to get an ego about it. These are the people I worship. They’re the ones I wanted to pay tribute to, and they think we've made something unique and special. It’s like Michael Jordan telling you that you have a nice jump shot (no more sports references… I swear I’m done)) and we started to think about what we were going to do with it. How we were going to release it. Labels were getting pretty into it, and we knew we would have to make a decision soon.

After much debate and discussion, we decided that the record was something we had made completely on our own, so why not release it completely on our own? Nettwerk was going to take care of the distribution so it would have a major label distro. It would be inside all of the Best Buys; what more did we want? We didn’t want a big fat check — we did that last time. It made us miserable, and nothing came out of it. Barely anyone at the labels helped us, we weren’t making music videos, our songs weren’t on the radio, so why would we take their criticism? After all, everything that we’ve done — any success we’ve had is from being real people who make music. From showing up to play, from 3 years on the road.

On Interventions [+ Lullabies], there might have been an Elektra logo on the back of the record, but it ended right there. We were the ones SHOWING people who we were. I wouldn’t have it any other way — no one knows us better than ourselves, so why not release it ourselves? To me, it’s not only a testament to the hard work we put into the band (Mike, Don, Marko, Toco, everyone else involved in putting these songs to life — you guys are the best thing we have. It’s pretty special when your best friends are some of the most talented musicians), but I really feel like the people who come to our shows are such good people that they don’t give a fuck what label it’s on.

They are there because we are doing something positive, and because we care about them as much as they care about us. So for the time being we've said "fuck the middleman": we're the only people we can blame at this point. I’m so tired of even talking about major labels and the split and everything like this. The music is the only thing I care about. Dog Problems is the only thing I care about, so why let someone else ruin it?

The Vanity Label was born.

The record got finished. We had no time to rehearse, and we had to go right back out to tour. Our first show before the Motion City Soundtrack tour was in Nashville — I remember the last time we were in Nashville, there were about ten kids. Reuben’s accomplice kept asking them why they hate whales, so we figured why not go there and get some of the rust out of the way. After all, we haven't toured in a year so there should be like 3 kids there; we can mess up if need be.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to mess up. On a Sunday night in Nashville, with Ted Leo playing across the street (I <3 Ted), our first headlining show outside of Arizona in almost a year was over sold out. What the fuck happened?

We thought we were going to have to play for another 3 years just to get back to where we were when we left, and yet it’s sold out on a Sunday night? It didn’t end there either — the whole tour went like that… night after night ("nite after nite?"). I couldn't believe it. As if having Dog Problems wasn’t enough, now we have people showing their support in the most positive way: coming to the shows, being there from the only thing they knew before. Those two months were such good months. It was the last thing I expected. Thanks so much to all the bands that played with us, and thanks so much for everyone that came to the shows and sang along. We'll be back in July.

In the meantime, things were going great on the Vanity Label front. Business actually felt natural. We are shooting a video with the directors we had always dreamed of doing a video with (it won’t be serious...no pouty face). There were magazines like AP and online magazines like AP taking notice, supporting the whole idea and concept. We actually took press photos. I’ve never been through any of this before, it’s exciting. I don’t think it’s going to change who we are, not one bit, but it’s still exciting to see people who can help out actually help out.

So where does that leave me now? Sitting on my bed. I’ve rambled for hours, the air still doesn't work, and I’ve been told that Dog Problems (something that isn't supposed to come out till July) has been leaked. Not the best news when you just got out of the pool, but it happens. I freaked out at first — I thought I was going to lock myself in my room. After all, this is something that we spent over two years making. It’s something that you have to take the time… listen to in headphones… play loud… listen to in order of the tracks… the artwork… Sam did the best artwork he has ever done. The packaging is something we paid extra for because Sam’s concept was so brilliant, and now… it’s leaked on the internet? I was locking my door, then our manager called.

"Hello?"

"We're releasing it on the website today."

"Wow."

So, here goes. You’ve read enough. I shouldn’t have to go on about it anymore, but I will say, if you wanna wait for the full hard copy release then do so. It’s July 11 — we are gonna be touring right after that — but if you want to get it now,.please do it by purchasing it right here. We released it, it’s our money, it’s our little baby — you should take the time to listen to it all the way through, free of distraction. You should turn the songs into your own. It’s an adventure, and it’s something that we put everything we have into; and if anyone deserves it first, it’s you guys who have been here with us all along.

Without further ado...

"Dog Problems"

- Nate

#dog problems #the format #nate ruess #basically: dog problems; a lyrical & musical & emotional masterpiece #i honestly feel like i don't even need to write that essay anymore wtf #4.2k words baby that took me ages to edit bc he has the WORST typing habits #every half statement is interspersed with ellipses and there are no apostrophes and everything was no caps lmaooo #moving on #this is absolutely my favorite album ever and holy shit #finally reading this post in its entirety gave me so much more insight it's wild #i'm like so fucking emotional help jhfhbjgfhsdkg #i'm just glad he's doing alright now and having a good time even if music isn't a big part of his life anymore #and i also feel like i understand the breaking up of fun. a lot more as well #hell i just really understand nate ruess in general a lot more and it's really nice #bc he's been my favorite artist for a while and i know a lot of people shit on him for his personality but like. fuck off people are people #and u know. if work permits is my favorite song so hearing shit about it makes me happy #truly makes me appreciate the album more than i already did #and makes me get why it's the only part of his discography he still actually likes #even though OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING they are all Excellent but okay then nate

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thadelightfulone · 3 years

Text

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 1

November 15-19th, Part 1

DeeDee Chabert put her pencil down, closed her notebooks, and checked the time. 3pm flashed across the face of her smart watch reminding her that she had one hour until she needed to be at work. Removing her glasses, she pinched the bridge of her nose before rolling the tightness from her shoulders, arms and neck.

DeeDee sighed at the familiar bookshelves in front and back of her. She was at her favorite table in the back of the John B. Cade Library right next to all the science books. She wanted to make sure she was ready to present the defense of her dissertation and had just finished up some notes.

DeeDee knocked over a few books when she stood to continue her stretch. She leaned down to pick them up, almost dropping the top book. She caught the hardbound cover and something fell out onto the floor. DeeDee put all the books back onto the table and then squatted down to pick up the slip of paper.

She took her seat again and looked at the note in her hand. It’s folded in half and rough around the edges like someone ripped it out of a spiral notebook. DeeDee opened the page and after turning it right-side up, she saw multiple chemical formulas written in the neatest penmanship she had ever seen. As she glanced at the formula compounds, she noticed a short note in the center.

LaSTiNLuV - My parents had it, that real deal, until the end of time type shit. The kind that those r&b niggas used to sing about and I want that. Honestly, I hope to find it for myself one day. I know she is out there. And I hope that I will recognize her, but also that I will be deserving of her love. _E.S.

DeeDee tried to decipher the first word of the note. She quietly laughed when she realized the person used chemical elements to write a completely different word. Referring to the periodic table of the book the note came from, she worked to interpret it.

“Lanthanum, Sulfur, Titanium, Nitrogen, Lutetium, and Vanadium equals La S Ti N Lu V.” She looked at the note again, “Lasting Love?”

DeeDee recognized the other ‘formulas’ on the page as other chemical elements put together to form words or phrases but not actual chemical compounds. There are two other such groupings on the page of the note. In the upper right-hand corner, DeeDee saw ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’ and in a much smaller font scrawled at the bottom left of the page was ‘IAmHeRe.’ She deciphered the other two before setting the note and her pad of paper to the side.

“I Am Here. My Heart And Soul. Lasting Love.” That is what the person who wrote the note wanted to find, a love like their parents have or had. Taking a deep breath, she spoke aloud and laughed, “Shoot, aren’t we all?” DeeDee apologized when she heard various shushes from the bookstacks around her.

Looking at her watch, it was time to go. She folded up the note and instead of returning it to the chemistry book, she put it in her folder. Grabbing all her items, she left the library to make the drive to her job.

---

DeeDee needed to tell someone about what she found because it was the only thing she could think about all night. She called up her two best friends, Beverly and Phyllis, to get together for lunch the next day. They are her oldest and dearest friends, so they would understand her excitement about it.

Beverly and Phyllis are seated at the table when DeeDee arrived. They both stood to hug her before everyone took their seats. The waiter took their drink orders before leaving to give them time to decide on their entrees.

“Ok, so what was so important that you just had to see us?” Phyllis rushed out from across the table. Always straight to the point.

“Right, we thought you would be locked up with your books for the rest of the year before we saw our best friend again.” Beverly leaned forward with both elbows on the table.

“I mean, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. And you know I can eat.” DeeDee responds, “You would have seen me before the end of the month.”

They all laughed at DeeDee’s remark, calming down only when they saw their waiter approach the table. He set down their sweet tea and then took their order.

“Ok, so I was at the library last night and I found something.”

“Look, if it wasn’t dick then I don’t want to hear about it.” Phyllis rolled her eyes before sipping her drink.

“Phyll, stop that and let the girl speak.” Beverly bumped Phyllis’ shoulder, “Go on DeeDee, don’t mind her.”

“As I was saying, I found something while I was studying last night.” DeeDee pulled out the note. “This fell out of one of the books and it is very interesting.”

Phyllis took the note while Beverly looked at it from over her shoulder. She squinted her eyes at it before handing it over to Beverly, who just set it down on the table.

“DeeDee, you know we can’t read that. We are not fluent in the chemical language.” Beverly pushed it back towards DeeDee.

“Look at the center. I’ll explain the rest.” DeeDee slid the note back over to them.

Beverly and Phyllis took a second look before looking back at DeeDee.

“Is this for real?” Phyllis asked.

“I think so.”

“Ok, so then what do the hieroglyphics say?” Beverly set the note down in the center of the table.

DeeDee rolled her eyes at her friend’s remark, “The one in front of the note says Lasting Love. The word up here in the corner says My Heart and Soul. And this little thing down at the bottom says I Am Here.”

“And you think this is real?” Beverly repeated Phyllis’ question.

“Well, it does have some initials after it. So, why wouldn’t it be?” DeeDee took a sip of her tea.

“Note in a chemistry book? Probably some virgin who needs to get laid.” Phyllis nodded at Beverly and the two of them started to laugh.

“But what if… you know what, nevermind.” DeeDee grabbed the note and folded it back up into her small notebook.

Just then, the waiter arrived with their food. All conversation stopped until he walked away again.

Beverly looked over at Phyllis before addressing DeeDee, “Hey, what is it?”

“I don’t know, I guess I am just curious about the author of the note.” DeeDee shrugged, “Like who would write something like this, hoping for a lasting love like their parents and then leave it in a book?”

“I already answered that.” Phyllis said before taking a bite of her salad.

“I’m serious, Phyll.” DeeDee spoke as she plucked a fry off her plate.

“Ok, so what if it is a student here. Then what? What are you going to do?” Phyllis spoke as she waved her fork in the air.

“I don’t know. I guess I would have to find them first and decide for myself.” DeeDee shrugged.

“But what if an ugly guy wrote this?” Beverly cringed at the thought.

“Bev, you already know it. Someone with his head so far in the books he doesn’t know anything else.” Phyllis shoulder checked Beverly and glanced over at DeeDee, “Just like someone else we know.”

DeeDee blankly stared in their direction. While everyone makes fun of her for always studying and not having any kind of personal life, they have no idea of the closet romantic hidden inside of her. She loves love, but never looked or hoped for it like this guy. No, an ugly person would not write about something as sweet and genuine as this. DeeDee did not believe that for a second.

“He sounds like a great guy. I mean he spoke of knowing that she is out there and hoping to be worthy of her. How sweet is that?” Her eyes sparkled as she recalled the words now embedded in her head.

“Really?” Phyllis shook her head as DeeDee nodded hers, “Well, now you know what you gotta do. You gotta find out who wrote that.”

Beverly claps her hands together in excitement as DeeDee’s face fell.

“What? No. I don’t think --,” DeeDee sputtered. She cleared her throat and started again, “I don’t know if I can.”

“Yes, you can. If anyone can figure out who wrote that note and left it there -- last week, last month, last year; it’s you.” Beverly spoke up.

“You guys really think that I should do this?”

“Yes!” Both answer together.

“Ok, then, I guess it’s time to find out who this E.S. is?” DeeDee and her friends shared a smile.

---

DeeDee slowly walked into the library and headed straight to the circulation desk. She couldn’t believe that she allowed her friends to talk her into doing this. Holding her notebook in a death grip, she reached her favorite librarian, working the front desk.

“Hey DeeDee. What brings you in today?” Ms. Jacobsen asks her.

“Hi Ms. Jacobsen. I actually have a huge favor to ask.” DeeDee says. “I found some notes in one of the books I had out the other day. Do you think you can tell me who last checked out the book?”

Ms. Jacobsen peeked past DeeDee, slowly turning around in her chair while surveying the first floor of the library, before she looked back at her. She stood up and moved to another computer on her left, signaling for DeeDee to follow her.

“I know that you only want to return those notes to the rightful owner, so I can do this one favor for you.” Ms. Jacobsen finally answered. “So, what is the name of the book that you checked out?”

“It was ‘Elements of Molecular and Biomolecular Electrochemistry’ by Saveant and Costentin.” DeeDee responded.

DeeDee set down the notebook and attentively watched as Ms. Jacobsen started tapping away on the keyboard. She decided that watching Ms. Jacobsen was making her more nervous than kind of fibbing to the woman. No need to get her hopes up, if nothing came from the search for her mystery man.

‘Her mystery man?’ Where did that even come from? She knew nothing about him except that at some point he felt it necessary to put these very words to paper. The man could be married with children or a complete psycho. DeeDee closed her eyes, trying to relax. If Ms. Jacobsen doesn’t give her a name, then she can drop this whole thing and focus on her next career move.

DeeDee looked up when she heard Ms. Jacobsen sigh loudly.

“I’m sorry, dear. I don’t think you will find them on campus.” Ms. Jacobsen huffed out and then lifted her glasses to her face. “It has been 10 years since that book was checked out.”

DeeDee rapidly blinked at the information. “10 years?” She screeched at the older woman.

“Yes, honey.” Ms. Jacobsen nodded and turned the computer screen towards DeeDee. “By one, Erik Stevens.”

DeeDee tried to hide her smile. The mystery man has a name.

“Erik Stevens.” DeeDee said his name out loud, then took a deep breath. “Ok. Well, thank you, Ms. Jacobsen. I’ll talk to you later.” DeeDee waved to her before walking past the desk towards her study space in the back.

DeeDee dropped her things on the table before getting out her laptop. She opened a new browser and pulled up the school’s website. When DeeDee searched Erik Stevens, the first result was an article titled ‘Computer Science and Chemistry Majors share the 2010 Graduate Student of the Year title’. On the front page was a picture of the winners.

“Computer Science, huh? Then what did he need with that book?” DeeDee mumbled while typing in her next search for the Computer Science department. She wrote down what she needed and put her laptop away.

---

DeeDee entered the classroom during the meeting and took a seat in the back until it was over. When the room cleared out, she walked over to the faculty advisor standing at the front of the room wiping off the board.

“Excuse me, I wanted to ask about a former student of this department.” DeeDee asked in a shaky voice.

“It depends on what you want to ask me.” The faculty member replied, setting down the eraser.

“He won Graduate Student of the Year in --”

“Oh, you mean Erik Stevens?” The professor laughed while DeeDee looked on in confusion, “Now him, I can talk about. Come with me.” She waved for DeeDee to follow.

They walked into the office next door, and the professor pointed out a chair for DeeDee to sit.

“My name is Sheila Giacomo. I actually had the pleasure of teaching and mentoring Erik while he was here. So, what do you want to know?”

“How did you know I was talking about Erik? I never even said his name.” DeeDee finally spoke again.

“You said he won Grad Student of the Year. Only one student has ever won that honor during my whole tenure in this department.” Sheila answered.

“I was wondering what you can tell me about him.”

Sheila sat back in her desk chair. “Mr. Stevens was not your typical ‘head in the books’ student, like most would expect from any kind of science major. He was a very inquisitive, reserved and athletic young man, but when you put numbers and tech in front of him, it was almost magical how he came alive.”

“What year did he graduate from Southern?”

“With his master’s, the same year he won the award. I think that was 2010. After that, I heard he moved back home to California.”

“Do you know what brought him to Southern?”

“Something about his family and legacy, but I never found out what.” Sheila straightened up and looked at DeeDee. “Are you writing a story about him?”

“Ummmm no, I came across a paper he wrote and figured he might still be on campus or something.” DeeDee stood up, “I didn’t mean to bother you, but thank you for sharing.”

“It’s no problem. And if you are still looking for information, you may want to reach out to the other winner from that year.” Sheila stood and walked DeeDee to the door, “They were good friends and collaborated on the project that earned them the honor.”

“Thanks again for everything, Sheila.” DeeDee waved and left the office.

As she walked away, DeeDee looked down at the other information on her notepad from her earlier search. Marquis Oubre was the name of the other student who won with Erik Stevens. She continued her walk to her car, prepared to head home. There will be plenty of time to talk to Mr. Oubre.

@teakturn @ghostfacekill-monger @shaekingshitup @nahimjustfeelingit-writes

Let me know if you want to be tagged.

#25 days of christmas challenge #erik killmonger x oc #black panther fanfiction #bp christmas #all i want #thadelightfulone

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jenivi7 · 3 years

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First Lines Tagging Meme

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE TAGGED IN THIS TWICE! Thank you @ink-flavored and @clyde-side !! (I almost just did this on my own too because I love babbling about my own fics...)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

Now pinned and under a cut because it became a really long, really good introduction to me and my stories!

Hello!

Unnecessary and overly wordy introduction/personal musings: I love opening lines so much. When I worked at a bookstore, I used to open books and hardcore judge them on their first lines. I had barely any free time to read at that point so if it didn’t grab me in the first line or two, I put it back. The first Harry Potter book is actually in my pile of really good openers. “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” (Subtle alliteration, HELLO??) So I'm super excited to see if my own first lines come even close to the standards that I apply to other people lol. MY OWN MONEY IS ON NO. I have the feeling that I'm so frantic trying to get the story down on paper before the good words disappear from my head that I'm not actually paying attention to the first line. BUT LET'S SEE, SHALL WE.

So just straight up going backwards, I've written and posted TWO BRAND NEW THINGS after being away from fandom almost entirely for 10+ years! They're drabble length but they're shiny and new! <3 (All available fics are linked!)

1. Tango:

She teaches them to dance so that they can dance with her but when Atem gets that mischievous smirk on his face and pulls Yugi into his arms, their bodies spark and the dance floor smolders at their heels.

(The fic is so short that this is a full 1/5 of it but actually, I think I crammed all the good stuff right into that first line. This already might be my favorite. Like it says there in the line itself, Puzzleshipping.)

2. No Betting:

Anzu sat at the kitchen table writing carefully calculated answers onto sticky notes before attaching them to a fourth-grade math worksheet.

(Peachshipping! This one doesn't pop off until about line five so here's the rest of that bit:)

She had the same arrangement with her spouse as most parents had. When the kids were good they were hers. When they were bad, they were his. And when they were winning at games because they picked up rules with uncanny speed and read their opponents with more insight than ought to be available to a child, they were definitely, definitely his.

3. If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say (working title):

When he realized that the figure sitting under the game shop display window and smoking wasn’t Ryou, the physical body response was as though it had discovered a coiled snake not two feet away.

(This one! It's a NEW half finished(?) WIP. I actually started this one before the drabbles but wanted to finish before posting it. Then it got out of hand, then work got out of hand, then I started a couple more projects and well. I keep putting words on it though and eventually there will be a Kleptoshipper that turns into Puzzle and Tender for your reading enjoyment. Also, fair warning - don't use song lyrics as a working title. Every time I look at the document I get the song stuck in my head.)

Now we have polished up reposts of old stories for their move to AO3, where I'll basically keep my master archive. Not full re-writes but I fixed a bunch of typos and awkward sentences and they're much stronger for it. Most of these are from a pairings contest way back when so LOTS of different pairings and lots of AUs!

4. Human:

It was like a bad noir, the thought crossed both of their minds.

(Scifi AU, Rivalshipping. That one's not bad for a first line. Actually no link at the time of writing cause the re-edit is going up in like, a half hour? an hour? a half day? It's my next project after finishing this, finishing up the edit and posting it on AO3. Now with link!)

5. Blood:

Fingers through midnight black hair, whispers in his ear, touches that sizzled along the skin, awakening nerves and senses.

(Dungeonshipping, Pegasus x Otogi, vampires AU. Oh that’s a nice first line! <3)

6. Crazy for You:

The keys are too large and too heavy for the doctor more used to more modern facilities but she doesn't say anything, just follows the orderly as he pulls the large door open.

(Manipulashipping, Anzu x Marik, Psychward AU. Still one of my favorites from that era. Big bold warning though, THIS ONE CONTAINS NON-CON)

7. Finality:

“What are you doing here?”

“Saying goodbye.” Bakura’s translucent arms swept across the graveyard. “Is this not an appropriate place for it?”

(First two or so bits of dialogue as the first first is a generic question. You can tell this is one of the really old ones just by that but it's a sweet, sad little Tendershipper that still has a special place in my heart.)

8. Pieces of You:

Glitter caught the light, leaving shimmering trails in the air as it got everywhere.

(Glittershipping, Anzu x Kisara. Another one that's special to me. Kisara is my girl and my first writing muse. <3)

9. Cambodia:

“It was summer of fifty three...”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, it can't have been fifty three. You might be that ancient but I'm not. It must have been sixty three.”

(Jiishipping. Yes. Sugoroku x Arthur. HEY, IT CAME UP IN THE RANDOM DRAW FOR THE SHIPPING CONTEST OK. And my writer's brain hasn't backed down from a challenge yet... Another one that takes 4 lines to pop off but it's a good start. Actually, here's the rest of the bit just because I cannot get enough of these two bickering:)

“What do you mean it must have been sixty three? You don't even know what story I'm trying to tell.”

“Am I in it?”

“What?”

“So you're deaf now as well as daft? AM I IN IT?”

“Of course you're in it, y'old coot. Don't know why I'd tell a story without you in it when both grandkids are sitting here.”

10. Coffee and Cigarettes:

"Cigarettes and coffee? That's not a very healthy lunch."

Mana crossed her legs and took a refined sip of her own coffee even as her company was not.

(Mischiefshipping, Mana x Thief King Bakura. Oh this one I'm actually sad that it doesn't immediately sparkle in the first line cause it's one of my absolute favorites of everything I've written. And I think it's the only time I've ever written Mana but I LOVED IT AND HER. Oh no! I lied, I've written her at least one other time though I don't think that one quite captures her sheer chaos energy like this one does.)

11. A Million Missed Chances:

Somewhere along the line, someone made a choice.

(This one. THIS ONE. I think this is by far the most epic idea I've tackled. I still don't know if the sheer scale of the thing came across in the actual fic but in my head it was massive and I remember pounding away at my teeny tiny laptop late at night because the whole thing hit me maybe a day or so before the story was due for the pairings contest. We only had a week to write each fic and my really good ideas never came to me before the very last minute. T.T Conquestshipping, Mai x Valon.)

12. A Fear of Falling:

She drove.

Like she always did when something bothered her.

(Oh the first chapter on this is also one of the really ancient ones. Like one of the very first things I wrote. That first chapter really shows its age and is a little shaky but the others are better and the last one is what fits into the chorological order here. Polarshipping, Jou x Mai. One of my very first ships. Probably THE first actually <3)

13. What Our Creators Make Us:

"Well, well." The match flared, scattering dark shadows until it was blown out and the only light that remained was the red glow from the cigarette end. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

(Psychoshipping, Marik x Spirit of the Ring Bakura. With a bit of Bronze, Angst and Tender in the follow up. Old but I'm ridiculously proud of it, hence it's place in the master archive. Ahaha you can tell how old it is though by how clever I think I am. I thought it was funny to make my audience figure out who was talking and not reveal the characters for a good fourth to third of the fic. Ahhhhhhh. Sorry about past me.)

14. A Revolution of the Spirit:

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't.

That they were close was understandable (you don't get much closer than sharing headspace) but that even now, after deals were made with gods, endless arguments, compromises and the ultimate guilt trip that he had only been a teenager when he willingly sacrificed himself for all of humanity, things she had only half seen and only partly understood even though they had all been there to witness, that even now Atem continued to invade Yugi's personal space as though he belonged there got on her nerves.

(Woah Nelly! That third sentence should probably be three, four and five. Even if I just split it in half we'd continue the pattern of things popping off in the fourth line. I think that's one pattern that's emerging! A really good bit takes me about four lines to set up and deliver! Oh, the challenge was Revolutionshipping, Anzu x Atem, but the fic is actually Spiritshipping, Anzu x Yugi x Atem.)

So confession time, I haven't been out of fandom completely, I just hadn't written my own standalone stories in a very long time. There are a few (ok ok more than a few) long-running rps that @miss-moberg and I have been adding to on and off over the years. I can't resist throwing in a couple of these.

15. Cafe!

The door shut behind them with the soft click of the latch and the exhale of a breath long held.

(This opening line was from December of 2020 when we rebooted a very old Prideshipper and that is a damn good opening line if I do say so myself. I can definitely see the difference now between the newer works and the older ones. I've gotten better, she's matched me pace for pace and eventually something will be finished, I'll work up the courage to ask permission to post it and the whole internet will get to see how brilliant the two of us are together.)

16. Treasure Hunt!

"Ryou, I think you're going to regret letting me tag along on your adventuring this time." Yugi didn't bother turning away from the airplane's tiny window to see if his seatmate was paying attention. He was more thinking out loud with his friend playing the role of a convenient sounding board. "Because I think this trip is the only thing I'm going to talk about ever again."

(One more from RP because it's got that fun, four line punch that we've discovered is a pattern for me! Opening entry is from 2017.)

Also, in truth, my count is a little off when I say I'd been out of fandom 10+ years. I've been away from YGO for that long but I did spend a brief stint in Homestuck where I read a ton of fanfic, flirted with a couple group RPs and even wrote a tiny bit. 9 years without writing a new fic isn't as impressive as saying ‘over a decade’ but it is a little more accurate.

17. What You Will:

In the land of fair Illyria, along a small, sandy stretch of its rocky shore, a ship has come to ruin and one lone woman lies still as death among broken wood.

(The beginning of a Homestuck/Twelfth Night crossover that I'm still determined to work more on someday. It's only got a single chapter but it's magic though now I'm concerned about not being able to recapture that. Not a bad first line though. The style is so different it took me reading it a couple times before going, oh yeeeeeah, that's pretty good!)

18. Relentless:

You pull him to the deck and then across it by the remains of his shirt. Let him say one last goodbye. His ship pillaged, his crew murdered, his hands bound behind his back and at your mercy.

Funny word, that. Mercy.

(The first line is pretty decent but there's that four line combo again! Five but I could basically fix that with a comma. Featuring the troll ancestors Mindfang and Dualscar because every time Hussey introduced new characters they were instantly my favorite.)

19. Black:

There is dark and there is dark and there is dark and then there is black. She is black. Licorice and coal. She is hate and resentment and everything that tastes bitter, the kind of black that coats the tongue like oil, drips down the back of the throat and keeps going.

(Oh wow. Am I allowed to say that about my own work? A Terezi/Vriska drabble that I'm putting as much here as I think I can get away with because it's so good that it fucks me up a little going back and reading it.)

And here it gets tricky because I think the more recent of the old, old fics are in the Drabbles and Shorts collection on ff.net and I can't see a post date. So I'll just pick a good one to end on.

20. Two Princes:

It was inevitable as the rising of Ra's chariot after a long night, as the flooding of the river banks every spring, and Atem always knew that Yugi's kiss would be as warm and gentle as the evening breeze in the summer that brought relief from the scorching day. It was.

(How about the final honor going to more Puzzle/Blind? This probably has the strongest first line of its era. Actually I'm not sure when it was written. It was just hanging out in my writing folder and, thinking about it, I probably wrote it when I was fading from fandom the first time around but still trying to hang in there. No wait! That’s too sad, we can’t end on that! Lets add one more to the list for the sake of personal narrative!)

21. Linger:

The world doesn't need him anymore. It doesn't need his sword and it doesn't need his pen.

(A tiny Princess Tutu afterward that I wrote for myself. Nice one-two punch in the opener. Also it rounds out the personal story that accidentally developed here with a line later in the fic, "Words, however, never stray far from a good writer..." Like, wait, stop. Past me, how did you know T.T)

Did that take a sudden emotional turn for anyone else or was that just me. Can I offset that a little with an honorable mention? Let’s do that while I collect myself. Here’s one more.

Honorable mention: Ryou and the Thief

There was a storm gathering and too much magic in the air. Much more than occurred naturally and magic at this level was never a good thing.

(I can’t have a list of things I’ve written without having Ryou and the Thief on it. If you click on this one though, BEWARE, it’s old, it’s silly and it has a ton of explicit gay sex that… would be written very differently if we were handling it today I’m sure! This is the first RP @miss-moberg and I ever did together and our excuse to Gemship and Puzzleship turned into us running the boys through a whole adventure based on the Osiris myth. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever completed and I’d still consider it kind of my legacy.)

And that’s the last 21(+1!) stories that I’ve written!

The clear winner of best first line for me is 15. Cafe! It’s short, elegant and manages to contain a whole mood even without the context of what’s going on and who’s involved. (Spoilers: It’s Seto and Mokuba making an AU escape from Gozoboro.) Close second is Tango, the most recent story. It’s neat to see just how much better I’ve gotten and also really cool to see that even if the first line itself doesn’t contain a punch, it’s usually because there’s a nice, strong idea being set up and delivered in the first four lines (or so). What a pleasant surprise!

AND WOW, this whole tag thing didn't need to be so long! Or personal! Seriously, if you get this tag from me the challenge is only to list the first lines to 20 stories and maybe try to draw one or two conclusions from them. You all thought I was joking when I said I loved talking about my own writing! But actually, I guess it’s fine like this as I ended up using it as a way to re-introduce myself. Like, "Hey, I used to live here a long time ago and oh my god I love what you've done with the place!" Rather than being someone who's just popped up out of nowhere a few weeks ago to creepily bother all your best of the best creators so....

^///^ Hello!

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Tags! I think I've seen most of the authors I follow do this already but on the off chance you haven't been tagged yet: @elexica (checked your blog to see if you'd already done the tag and saw that you're another person returning to writing fanfiction after 10+ years. Same! Hello!!), @danieco, @draconicmaw, @nedjemetsenen (has someone tagged you already?) and two shots in the dark, @miss-moberg and @edmondia (I'm so sorry you two. T.T Please feel free to block me forever.) And please, anyone else who wants to babble about their own writing! Do this, it was so much fun. <3

#ygo #yu-gi-oh #yugioh #yugioh fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #jenific #so many ships #so many characters like woah #not half bad for a retrospective if i do say so myself #thank you for coming to my ted talk #tag game #first lines tag

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eyesaremosaics · 3 years

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TRIGGER WARNING:

The past few days, I have been shocked, saddened and disgusted with an artist who I have admired since I was a child. I remember seeing the sweet dreams video when it came on MTV in 1995 when I was 6 years old. I remember being frightened, but mesmerized by him. I pretended to hate him whenever he would come on TV, and my dad would tease me: “oh, there you go it’s your boyfriend Megan.” I would shriek in disgust and say “no!” Secretly I would watch his music videos when no one else was home, there was a hypnotic quality to his voice...something that drew me in. I know many females my age can relate. I bought his albums in secret, and until I was 15 years old I had this very real fear that if my family found out I listened to Marilyn Manson—they would stop loving me. Which seems silly and absurd, I often laugh about that.

However, once high school hit, he became more gimmick and less rock and roll. More self aggrandizing and less of a nihilistic commentator on society. He was once a major influence to me, my style of art, expression and creativity. The women he dated became icon’s to me, something to be emulated. I became a vintage girl because of my interest in Dita Von Teese at age 14. I wore high heels to school, seamed stockings with a garter belt, dressed like a 1950s housewife. I was voted best dressed in my high school senior year (2006).

I never had a crush on him or anything, it wasn’t really like that, it was more like he was a person I looked up to. After his interview in bowling for Columbine, all his interviews, his book, tv appearances etc. he came across as a highly intelligent and creative person who challenged social norms and societal constructs. I appreciated his androgyny, and admired his fearlessness. I listened to his music a great deal in high school, and it got me through some very dark and angsty times.

As the years went on, it became apparent he was losing his edge. I loved Rose McGowan, she was one of the women I modeled myself after as a young person (next to Winona Ryder of course), and she always spoke highly of him, saying he was a good boyfriend, but the drugs were something she couldn’t hang with. When he was with Dita, I fell in love with her too, and found her to be just as cool and interesting.

When he cheated on Dita with Evan Rachel Wood I was devastated. I felt like my idol fell. The stand-up man I thought he was—wasn’t real, and I am ashamed to say I blamed Evan, vilifying her as some “scarlet woman” who destroyed what was (to me) the perfect marriage. Little did I know that this poor girl was suffering. In ways many of us can relate to, and many we can’t begin to understand.

A few girls that I follow on IG have come forward with graphic accounts of the abuse to which they were subjected by Brian Warner (aka Marilyn Manson), and it made me sick to my stomach. I mean... I wrote him off as a has been in 2007, but I still thought he was an ok person, I still respected him for the art he made that inspired me as a kid. Now I feel like a huge chunk of my childhood was a lie. All the things I thought he stood for were merely conjecture.

All this background was necessary to get to what I really wanted to say: this whole ordeal was very triggering for me as a survivor of narcissistic/sociopathic, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. I stand with these girls, because though I can only begin to imagine some of the things they have described in their testimony... other things I know all too well. In fact many of the situations these poor girls were violently subjected to, have happened to me as well. It actually broke me down in tears to read.

My heart goes out to the survivors, you are strong and beautiful. It takes YEARS to survive this type of abuse. I know because I am living proof. I have been in more than one relationship like this, which led me to have zero self esteem, resort to substance abuse, risky self-destructive behavior, attempted suicide etc. I have been in extensive therapy for these traumas for over five years now, and only in the last two, was I able to get a full sense of self back.

There is so much to say on this issue. I am proud of the girls who came forward, it takes an insane amount of bravery to call out your abuser publicly... I still haven’t had the courage to call out mine. However it gives me strength to know there is a movement of women empowering each other to break their silence and speak their truth.

I am disillusioned and sad about this person I used to think highly of, but it’s the same feeling you go through when leaving a narcissistic/sociopathic relationship. In my own situation... I left feeling like Marion Cotillard’s character in “inception”. The top forever spinning...Not knowing when I would wake up into the real world....Not knowing which was the real world, and which was a dream. Wanting to die, so you can finally wake up.

There are stages of grief that you go through, accepting that this person never cared about you, and saw you only as narcissistic supply, or as “food” for their ego. They see matters only as a means for power and control. They don’t feel things the way you or I do. It is in this that you should pull power from. You are not the one who is weak, it is they who are weak. They who lack the emotional depth or compassion to function as a normal human being. They will never know love, or real friendship—and you should feel sorry for them. What a terribly lonely and meaningless existence that must be. To be a parasite.

You ( the survivor) still have a chance for life, YOU will love again. It may feel like you will never reach the other side of it, through the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, the terrorizing anxiety, the bouts of crying, the humiliation, the silence, the nightmares—but you will. I learned a long time to let things build and not destroy me. To any of you reading this who may be able to relate: you can do it too.

I never thought I would survive my demons, I have a history of abuse that goes back to my childhood, which is why I am so protective of children now. It’s almost like I have made it my personal mission to assure that no child will ever be hurt the way I was, not on my watch.

Keeping your inner child alive is so crucial to survive the darkness of this world. We have to be the architect of our own reality, and rebuild a new world, a safe one to live in. One where a man can treat us with love and kindness. That doesn’t mean we should forget. We forgive the abusers not because they deserve forgiveness, but because we deserve peace.

I stand with all women out there living with this kind of abuse. Living with domestic violence. You are not alone. I hear you, I see you. There is a deeper systemic problem going on here enabling this kind of violence, and it Must. Be. Stopped.

#breakthesilence

#me #marilyn manson #break the silence

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saltlampsasuke · 3 years

Text

Unfortunately, You Are Experiencing Symptoms of Falling in Love: Part 7

Having your long-term boyfriend cheat on you is pretty bad, but you're lucky enough to have a rich, pro-hero best friend who lets you move in with him until you get a new apartment. Except lockdown happens. And you can't look for a new apartment anymore, and you can't go anywhere anymore, and neither can your best friend, and you think you might be falling a little bit in love with him. Or maybe you've been in love with him all along.

The story of how it takes a nationwide lockdown for you and Bakugou Katsuki to finally get together, part 7!

wordcount: 2,239

taglist: @stargazerunlimited @luna-bloodrose @lov4kbg @fukyouthink

I'm back with an update (in less than a month no less)! I wrote this all in one night and stayed up rather late because I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope that comes across in the work. Also, I wrote out a really detailed outline which helped me really get working as well. According the the outline, there should be around 7 chapters left, so I updated the work to reflect that. Of course that may change, but I will be sure to keep you all updated! This chapter might actually be my favorite I've written so far, and it does move the feelings along a bit, so please enjoy!

You had to admit, a part of you was more than a bit nervous about the prospect of spending the next weeks, or months maybe even (though hopefully not) with your best friend. Though he had always been nothing but kind and patient with you, a clear contrast to his treatment of almost everyone else, perhaps the constant exposure to you would irritate him and he would grow tired of you. Of course, you did have to give him credit. The past Katsuki might not have even let you into his house in the first place. And though he didn’t ever say it out loud, you knew he cared enough about you to at least not say anything if he grew bored or irritated.

Still, while you had originally been thrilled at the prospect of having less work and more time to relax, something you hadn’t had in a while, only one week in and you were growing bored already. It was odd to not be doing anything, even though not doing anything was actually the best thing you could be doing at the moment. Sure, Katsuki had set up a small workbench for you in your room so that you could tinker with things, but without access to the serious machinery you were used to constantly having available, you could only do so much. You were beginning to wonder if Katsuki would let you take apart all of his highly expensive watches so that you could reassemble them into a magnificent, one-of-a-kind watch. Instead, you found yourself in his ridiculously stocked kitchen making herbed focaccia so that you could feel like you were contributing in some way.

And honestly, it was pretty fun. Baking was sort of like making gear in a way, you assembled the parts and if it turned out wrong you were in trouble. Of course, if it turned out right you ended up with something pretty great. Depending on the results of your first real foray into the kitchen during your time in Katsuki’s apartment, you might just end up doing this more often.

Of course, besides the prospect of delicious bread, you had one other thing to enjoy as a result of your baking. The design of the apartment made it so that the kitchen island had a direct view to the workout room if you faced the right direction, and since for some reason Katsuki never bothered to close the door, while baking you had a complete view of him as he worked to stay in top shape. Honestly, it was like he was showing off or something. Not that you knew all that much about his workout routine, especially from a distance, but the amount and size of the weights he was using was truly mind-boggling. You had to give it to him, he was really in shape. You could see why he was consistently ranked among the top most attractive heroes.

Not that you were thinking about him like that, of course. It’s just that as his support technician, you needed to be aware of his body and its capabilities in order to design the best and most effective gear. And honestly, he couldn’t be leaving the door more open than it already was. And you had started making the bread first. Seriously, this was on him. His timing was weird. He was weird. He was… walking over to you?

Katsuki walked into the kitchen before you could really shake your previous unruly thoughts out of your mind and leaned over on the other side of the island. He was away from you but not quite far enough, arms flexing lightly as he grinned at you. He was wearing one of those black tank tops that he used to wear all the time back in high school, and you watched nervously as a bead of sweat rolled down the top of his torso to disappear between his pecs. You were almost scared to look at his face, but you forced yourself to meet his steady gaze. His grin widened wolfishly.

“Trying to take over my kitchen already, princess? You’re out of work for only a week and already you start going all housewife on me,” he says with snark, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Don’t make me move out on you, Katsuki, it’s not my fault I’m this bored. I can always go live in the workshop and tinker with gear to my heart’s content if I’m really bothering you that much,” you spoke back to him with equal teasing bite.

“But think of how lonely I’d get! Always nagging me about how I need to be more social yet threatening to leave me all by myself for who knows how long? I’m liable to go back to yelling at everyone I meet if you do that.” You laugh, and set your dough in the pan.

“At least you can admit to your past faults. Besides, I don’t think I could handle living by myself and being alone all day. No matter how much you bother me, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” Katsuki’s eyes flashed at your declaration, and he bounded excitedly over to you.

“Is that a challenge, princess? Because you know I always win whenever I set my mind to a goal,” he said grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder with ease. You wiggled and hit his back, but to no avail.

“Put me down, you lout! I need to put the bread in the oven!” you complained, but he paid you no mind, instead throwing you down on his couch with a laugh.

“There you go, down, just like you asked.” You shook your head, moving to get up, but Katsuki grabbed your leg. “If you’re bored enough to make bread, why don’t we watch a movie or something? I’ll be honest with you since you can’t go and tell anyone else; I’m just as bored as you are. I’d kill to be out on patrol right now. Hell, I’d even file the paperwork after.”

That’s how you know he’s serious. You’ve worked with Katsuki long enough to know (to the eternal irritation of his secretaries) that he never fills out any paperwork unless absolutely necessary. So if he’s bored enough to do paperwork, he must be bored out of his mind. Of course, being in the same boat yourself, you can’t exactly make fun of him. And a movie might be nice.

“I guess we could do something, but I really do want to finish the bread first. You aren’t the only person in the apartment who can use an oven, you know,” you replied.

“I would hope not, since we’ll both be eating that and I’m not about to eat some shitty bread,” said Katsuki. “I pay for this apartment. Don’t waste my ingredients.”

“Like you would let me leave this apartment, no matter how much shitty bread I make. But I’ll admit that you were right, I am baking because I’m bored, just as much as you,” you disclosed reluctantly, not wanting him to think that you were unsatisfied with the apartment or his company when it was really nothing but the opposite.

“I’m always right, princess. You should know that by now at least.” He grinned, restraining you more tightly. The black tank top was really doing nothing to keep you from feeling the contours of his muscles. He was strong, no doubt about it. If he really wanted, he could keep you trapped here against him for as long as he wanted. Not that he ever would. Perhaps the only thing equal to his strength was his kindness, though he would kill you if he ever caught you thinking anything along those lines. You kept getting drawn into all these weird thoughts all of a sudden! His fault, of course, for being so clingy.

“What you are is sweaty, you lout! Go take a shower or something and stop making me all gross and sweaty just like you,” you fired back, to his amusement.

“Alright, alright, fair point. Guess I could use a shower. But seriously, do something with me. I feel like I’m going crazy here!” he whined. You had to sympathize with him. And you could have much worse company.

“Ok, we can do whatever, your pick, as long as you let me make this damn bread first. I’m not about to let you spoil all my hard work!” Katsuki let you go, nodding.

“Fair enough, I can take that shower you were bitching about while you finish up. But if I really get to pick we’re not just going to watch some dumb movie. You and I are going to swim in the pool. If I spent all this damn money on the shitty thing and never use it I’m going to be pissed.” You agreed happily. You had wanted to use the pool for a while, but you had never quite taken up the opportunity. You rushed back to the kitchen to finish your bread and put it in the oven.

Katsuki was done with his shower while there was about ten minutes left on the timer for the bread. He offered to keep an eye on it while you grabbed your swimsuit, which was just fine with you. At the very least, if the bread turned out horrible you could blame him at least a little. You rummaged through your drawers for your swimsuits, trying to think of the last time you had gone swimming. It was a while ago; Takumi had never really liked the water and so you never really went, seeing as all your free time was spent with him. Did you even have a swimsuit anymore? No way, you had to have a swimsuit, right? Right?

By the time the timer went off in the kitchen, you had accepted the fact that you just didn’t own a swimsuit, and would have to disappoint your friend. You moved slowly to the kitchen.

“Damn, well if you don’t look like someone ran over your childhood pet!” You shook your head sadly.

“I don’t have a swimsuit, Katsuki,” you said. He almost seemed to glare at you, bewildered.

“What do you mean you don’t have a swimsuit? Everyone has a swimsuit,” he asked in confusion.

“Not me. I just don’t have one. I’m really sorry, but it looks like I can’t go swimming with you tonight.” You felt awful. He had seemed genuinely excited to finally show you the swimming pool, and you had ruined his plan.

“Dumbass, just borrow mine. You’ll be fine.”

“I can’t just wear swimming trunks, Katsuki, are you insane?” He quickly cut you off.

“Calm down, you can just wear a pair of trunks and an old shirt, you’re overthinking things by a mile. Who’s going to see you? It’s just me.” That’s right. It’s just Katsuki. He doesn’t give a crap what you wear. You nod your assent weakly, and he quickly grabs you what he said he would.

You change in your room, pulling the drawstrings of the trunks tight to secure it. Even though the shirt was fresh, it still smelled a bit like him, all warm and smoky and comforting. You stepped out of the room, only to see him missing. He had likely headed up to the pool and you decided to join him.

Your guess had been correct, he was already submerged in the pool. The sun had sunk while you finished the bread, and faint stars glimmered through the windows while the moon shone down, reflecting off of the faintly rippling waters. Katsuki sat against the wall, and grinned brightly at you.

“See, what did I tell you? You look fine.” You looked more than fine to him. Seeing you wearing his clothes made him feel oddly warm, despite the slight coolness of the pool. As you carefully descended the steps, the hem of the shirt soaked up water quickly, clinging to the curves of your body in a way that was almost more revealing than it would have been if you had simply foregone the shirt. He knew he was staring, but he couldn’t help himself. You just looked too good in the moonlight, wearing his clothes like you had on the very day you arrived. He was feeling that weird pull in his chest again. Either he should never lend you anything ever again, or he should only ever let you wear his clothes again. He could definitely pay the people who did the laundry to “accidentally” burn all of your clothes. Yeah, that was a weird thing to think about. He wouldn’t ever want to force you to do anything. If you wore his clothes, he wanted it to be of your own free will.

The two of you swam mostly in silence under the half moon, but neither of you minded. The presence of the other was all that you needed, and when you finally went to be, you both felt recharged, and deeply grateful for the other’s presence right now.

That night, you feel asleep rather quickly. Katsuki, however, fell asleep less easily. Though he felt well at ease, for some reason, he kept getting distracted by thoughts of you. Remembering that you were only one room away finally helped him sleep, and when he finally did, you were in all his dreams as well.

#katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x you #katsuki bakugou x you #bakugou x you #katsuki x you #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #pro hero Bakugou #my hero academy #my hero academia

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adventuresinwonderlust · 4 years

Text

Title: “Sunsets and Slip ups”

Pairing: dom! Yoongi x sub! brat! Reader ft. Namjoon ft. Jimin

Warnings: angst, cheating, degradation, abusive parent (trigger warning!!), smut, cream pie, spit play, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks), If I missed anything, I am sorry!!!

*Author’s Note: I wrote this part very differently, introducing you into the mind of the ‘Min Boy’ character. It’s much longer than my other fics (8300)!! Honestly, the story came together so well that I just kept going. I hope you all enjoy!!*

Rating: 18 and over

Y/N:

Your phone pings beside you causing you to stir in your bed. You roll over reluctantly, not sure if you want to start the day even though you're not really sleeping. A second ping causes you to make your decision, awake it is. ‘I have to go to away this weekend. I’ll be back late Sunday.’ The first message reads. ‘Sorry to spring this on you but I wasn’t expecting it either. Be good brat. Xo. Min.’ You jump up from under the covers and reread the text over and over. You type a response and delete it, then type another and delete that as well. “Fuck it.” You throw off the covers and pace your bedroom, opting to call. The phone rings for what feels like forever. “Hello.” He answers. “You can't go away this weekend!” “Can I call you back please?” He’s annoyed and you don’t care. “No, we can talk now or not at all, ever!” You shout. There is silence on the line, but the call hasn’t dropped. He’s probably muted you. You stop pacing and try listening more intently to no avail. “Hello!” You yell. “Your lack of patience is unsettling.” He comes back on the line. “I don’t care, you don’t just get to spring leaving on me at the last minute after I invited you to my father's birthday party. You promised you would come; said you would meet him. If you flake out on me now, I’ll never talk to you again.” “It’s my mother y/n. She’s asked to see me. I’m sorry but I have to go.” Your eyes widen and you immediately feel stupid. “Is everything alright?” “I honestly don’t know. I won't know until I get there. Look, I am sorry about missing your father’s party. I can make it up to you and to him.” “No, it's ok. Go and do your thing. Maybe one day, I’ll be meeting your mom you know? Who knows right?” Your chuckle meets with silence. “She’s much better company than my father that’s for sure. I gotta go but I'll see you as soon as I get back. Be good for me brat.” “Yoongi,” You begin but he's already hung up.

Min:

Yoongi broods over his packed bag, knowing he shouldn’t really care what y/n thinks but at the same time feeling terrible about letting her down. He did want to spend the weekend with her and meet her father. It was the right thing to do. It was the first time in a long time that he’s ever felt close to someone. He shook his head to tousle his still drying hair, zipping his bag. “Son,” He turns to face his father, “I hear you're going to see your mother.” Yoongi doesn’t answer. His father enters his room and slowly paces, looking over everything with either a shrug or grunt of disapproval. Don’t get angry, that’s what he wants. Yoongi grinds his teeth, repeating this mantra over and over. “Did you need something?” His father stands before him, arms behind his back. “I don’t need many things Yoongi, I have assured myself a comfortable life. The one thing I truly need as a father is the cooperation of his only son. I haven't always been the best father, that I can admit, but I like to think I am fair. Your mother, on the other hand, has always coddled you, made you weak, emotional. It kills me to see you so dependent on her approval, her love, especially when you know who she truly is deep to her core.” He turns to face the window. “Lee An has brought me many new possibilities. A new life, sense of purpose, and love that your mother never could but best of all she has brought me a second chance. A second son. Now having said that, your new brother will be joining us here soon and I expect you to show him around the city, make him comfortable. Booze, clubs, women and spare no expense.” He turns to Yoongi, gripping his shoulder hard, “Am I understood?” “Yes.” Yoongi growls. His father moves his hand up, wrapping it around Yoongi's pale neck and squeezes. “Yes, what?” “Yes, sir.” His father nods in approval. “I can see that fire in your eyes. Your Min blood dying to be freed. It gives me hope son, but before you say something witty or disrespectful, think of your mother and how she wouldn’t enjoy seeing you with bruises on your face.” Yoongi swallows down the angry lump in his throat as his father releases his grip and places a kiss on his forehead. “Have a safe flight son and send your mother my regards.”

Y/N:

“Please Joon, please! Give me something, I know you know more than you’re saying. You yourself have said he’s your best friend.” You sit across from Namjoon in his living room, having mustered up the energy to leave the house once the party planners arrived. “I really can't tell you anything Y/N, I'm sorry. You'll just have to ask him yourself. To be honest, I'm surprised he told you he was going to see her in the first place. He's incredibly private, even I have to drag things out of him at times.” You groan aloud which does nothing more than cause Namjoon to grimace. “Well, he is going to miss Daddy’s birthday so that’s a strike against him.” Namjoon laughs before getting up and walking to his kitchen for a glass of water. He takes a long sip and points over at you. “You're falling for him, aren't you?” Your eyes pop open and you chuckle nervously. “Not at all. I don’t FALL for anyone. He’s just interesting that’s all and you know I love a good challenge.” “Nope. I am not buying it. You haven't been this annoying since....” “DON’T even say his name aloud!” You shout. Namjoon gives you a large sly grin before taking a seat with you again. “Is he coming to you father's birthday bash?” “Absolutely not. I haven't seen or heard from him in over a year and to be honest I would very much like to keep it that way.” “I agree Y/N, I would have it no other way. Besides, Yoongi isn't the type to share his toys.” You scoff at the remark. “What exactly does that mean? No one owns me Namjoon. Wait, does he talk about us? What has he told you?” “Uh, Uh, Uh. How do they say it? Ah yes! Bro code. All I will say is keep your nose clean.” You roll your eyes at his comment. “Fuck you Joon and your bro code.” “See you tomorrow night Y/N.” He calls out to you as you let yourself out.

MIN:

Yoongi stares at the fresh bags that have formed under his eyes. His flight arrived late last night and since sleep seemed to evade him, he had opted to forgo it all together. He instead paced his hotel room, stalking Y/N’s Instagram page until the sun shone through the curtains. He should’ve been brave, sent a text or even called to tell her he missed her and wished she was lying in bed with him. He never did, the twisted voice of his father taking over to frown on such behavior, telling him to be a man, let her come to him. It was the never-ending battle of his mind. Do I give in to the darkness and be everything my father wishes me to be or can I hold onto the light my mother gave me and choose a different path? My own path? One where the two sides co-exist and I can just be me. Yoongi’s mind mulled these thoughts over in his frigid shower, his head down, allowing the water to cascade over his pulsing skull. He dressed quickly in dark jeans and a white button down, slamming a red bull in the cab on his way to his destination. Upon arrival, he looked over the unkempt lawn with a sigh. It was only 7am so he let himself into her home using the spare key she still had hidden under a fake frog on the front steps. He knew that her aide would not yet be there so they would have time alone. He couldn’t wait to see her, he had to know what was so urgent. It had been so long since they’ve seen each other, he needed answers. Yet, in this moment, even with all the anticipation and excitement that had borne itself in his chest, he didn’t have the courage to approach her, so he just stood in the doorframe leading to the backyard and watched as she danced carefreely in the sun.

Y/N:

You wake in a hurry and take off from your room to your fathers, only the sounds of your fluffy slippers shuffling against the hardwood can be heard. You burst through the door and jump on your fathers’ bed, scaring him awake. “Happy birthday Daddy!” You shout as he rubs at his eyes. You stand up and start hopping up and down singing happy birthday. He laughs aloud, “Get down Y/N. You’re going to break my bed.” You hop down onto your knees and hand your father a card and red giftbox. “Open it! Open it!” He rips open the card and reads it to himself with a smile before opening the box. His eyes light up at the sight of a golden Rolex. “Y/N, its too much!” “I saved my stipends and got it for you. I knew you wanted it. I hope you love it Daddy. You must wear it tonight at the party. There will be so many beautiful women there and they have to see how stylish you are.” He sighs. “Its perfect darling, thank you and please don’t worry about my impressing anyone tonight. I am more interested in the impression this Min boy you’ve been seeing makes.” Your heart suddenly drops. “About that, he won’t be able to make it. He had a family emergency but he says he will make it up to you.” You fathers brow furrows, “Is that so? Well, no one lets my daughter down. Tell him while I appreciate the sentiment, it isn’t needed. Besides, this must be divine intervention since I’ve invited a more suitable suitor for you.” “Daddy, he has an emergency. He would be here if he could. I am not interested in any other suitors.” “I know how boys like that think and I will not allow you to be taken advantage of, now I will hear no more of this Min boy. Besides, I thought it was my birthday, come let’s go enjoy breakfast.” Your father shuffles out of bed and heads into his restroom, leaving you feeling defeated.

MIN:

Yoongi’s smile soon fades as his mother abruptly stops dancing. He swallows slowly, removing his hands from his pocket and standing upright. “Wont you come say hello to your mother or are you still frightened of me after all this time?” She turns to face Yoongi and his eyes well with tears at her beauty. He hadn’t realized how much he had forgotten of her looks. “Come now angel, hug me.” She spreads her arms wide. He walks over to her slowly and falls into her embrace, sobbing softly as she pets his head. “Shh, its ok now. Mother has you. When did you change your hair color?” She pulls Yoongi away from her body, looking him over. “Do you hate it?” He asks. “No, I love it, your dark hair made you look too much like your father but this makes you look more like my angel.” He smiles at her response. She pulls Yoongi by the arm and over to sit with her in the shade under a large tree. “How are you angel? It’s been too long. I’ve wanted to write but they won’t tell me where you are now.” “I am good mother. It has been quite an adjustment. Father remarried.” She nods. Yoongi wonders what she’s on or not on as she continuously pets his face, arm, or head. “I heard from grandmother. He married his assistant Lee An, they always enjoyed each other’s company. He used to tell me I was crazy but I wasn’t was I angel? I was right, you see. I know things.” She whispers closely to his face and then breaks out laughing. “Mother, why did you ask to see me?” She stops laughing quickly and looks puzzled, hurt almost. “Didn’t you miss me angel? I missed you so much or have you turned against me like your father? Are you settled in with your new family? Your poor mother left with nothing.” She growls and then gasps before smiling. She goes back to petting Yoongi’s arm. “I have missed you mother but I have questions.” “No! Yoongi! No!” Yoongi and his mother turn to see her aide running towards them. “Alice! Hi! My son is here.” Yoongi’s mother waves at her. Alice comes towards them quickly, out of breath, she leans in and whispers into Yoongi’s ear. “You know you aren’t supposed to be alone with her.”

Y/N:

You’ve texted Yoongi multiple times but have yet to receive a response. He’s been on your mind all morning since you broke the news to your father that he wouldn’t be joining in on this evening festivities. “Morning gorgeous!” Your BFF enters your room. “Hey!” “Hey yourself! What’s with the long face?” “Daddy is not happy about Yoongi not being able to make it tonight. He doesn’t want me seeing him. On top of that I can’t reach him at all. Ugh. I really just want to let him have it but I’m trying to be understanding of his situation.” “And what exactly is his situation Y/N? This is the first you’re even hearing about his mother. He could be lying and out somewhere with his actual girlfriend. Don’t let him fool you with his charm or whatever it is you see in him. Tonight, is all about your dad anyway and having a good time. Screw that silly ole Min boy.” You nod, hearing what your friend was saying but upset that she’s feeding you doubt. What if Yoongi really did lie and was out with some other woman? Could you handle being made a fool again by another man? You lift your phone up and type out a text, ‘If you’re lying about your mom and fucking around with another girl so help me God Min, I’ll do everything in my power to bring you down.' You toss your phone to the side and look over at your BFF who is pretending to ignore you. “Wanna see what I’m wearing tonight?” You ask her. Her eyes light up. “Hell yes! Show me!”

MIN:

Yoongi sits in the living room now with his mother as Alice serves them tea. He feels unsettled as he carefully looks over every detail in her home. Shoes in the kitchen, clothes on the coffee table, and missing photos from the wall all have him fearing the worse. “You said you had questions. Well? Ask them love.” His mother says, settling into the seat next to him, petting him once again. He pulls away from her much to her dismay. “You’ve grown cold Yoongi. Like your father.” “Are you off your meds?” Yoongi snaps. Alice walks in, removing the clothing from the coffee table to make room for tea. “Those pills make me crazy. They fog my brain. I’m better without them but to answer your question, no, I am not off them. It’s a condition of my release. I must take them. Alice here makes sure of that. Don’t you Alice?” Alice places the tea kettle and fixings on the coffee table. She pours Yoongi's mother tea but Yoongi shakes his head when offered. His phone begins buzzing in his pocket. He pulls it out quickly and smirks at the messages from Y/N. “Girlfriend?” His mother begins rubbing his arm. Yoongi swallows hard and puts his phone away. “Yeah, something like that.” “What’s she like?” “Different, good different. I like her.” “That’s so great, angel. What’s her name?” Yoongi grows tired of the back and forth. “Ah! Why am I here mother? Why did you want to see me? Just tell me already.” Her face dropping, she turns away from Yoongi, sipping her tea obnoxiously.

“I lied to you earlier. Grandmother didn’t tell me about your fathers’ marriage. He did, himself. I spoke with your father. He says that you are going through a tough time. He says you’re angry, emotional. He says it’s my fault. I am so sorry for all that I’ve done Yoongi. You must understand how hard things were for me back then. I was sick. I didn’t know what was real or not. Your father hurt me, and I had to hurt him back. You were all that I had to use against him. I am so sorry for that. Your father thought it would be a good idea for me to give you closure. He only wishes to see you grow into the man I know you are capable of becoming.” Yoongi stands now, pacing back and forth, eyeing his mother suspiciously. “What did he offer you?” He spews. She laughs nervously. “Sit down angel. Your pacing is making me nervous.” “WHAT DID HE OFFER YOU?” He shouts, his body shaking. “15,000 a month if I no longer contact you or see you. He is willing to take care of all my medical needs and the house needs so much work. Don’t you want your mother to be taken care of?” He scoffs. “So, 15,000? Is that all I’m worth? I suppose I shouldn’t be upset though mother, it’s more than the nothing you were originally willing to give my life for isn’t it? I’m not mad, I do want you to be taken care of because I hold more compassion than you or father ever will and he’s right, its time I came into my own. You shouldn’t contact me again, as far as I’m concerned, my mother died years ago.” He turns to walk away. “Yoongi wait,” Although he doesn’t want to, something pulls him to face her, “Don’t misunderstand that night. I was only trying to free you. If you truly care for that girl, leave her be, you’re no good. No matter how hard I tried, you’re rotten just like your father.” His mother’s normally soft features harden, and he can’t help but think about that day. That awful day, she had that same look as she grasped his neck tightly, holding his body underwater in the tub with her own, desperately trying to drown him.

Y/N:

“I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate my amazing father here tonight. Without him I would be nothing, so Daddy I hope your day was everything you imagined, and that tonight is the cherry on top. Yes, that means he’s still single ladies! Happy birthday Daddy! Cheers!” The crowd erupts into laughter and applause, sipping their drinks. You hug your father and he leans in to whisper into your ear, “My esteemed guest has arrived. I hear he is somewhere in the crowd. Go find Namjoon, I’m sure the two are rubbing elbows as we speak.” Your stomach flips suddenly at the thought of some blind date attending the party. You move through the crowd in search of Namjoon. “God this party is fabulous! I love being your friend, have I ever told you that?” Your BFF stops you in your tracks. “Have you seen Joon?” she shakes her head. “You look amazing in that dress girl! The girls are out tonight,” She laughs, “If only that Min boy could see you now. His loss.” She hands you a glass of champagne from a passing waiter that you immediately chug, still looking around for Namjoon. “Something is up, I have this feeling in my gut you know.” “You just need something stronger.” Your friend points out, dragging you to the makeshift bar. “Two double shots of whiskey neat please.” She tells the bartender. She hands one to you after tipping the gentlemen behind the bar. “Cheers!” She shouts before you both swallow your drinks in one hot wave. You breathe out quickly to keep from retching. “There he is!” You make note aloud, leaving your friend at the bar and making your way through the crowd toward the stairs to where you saw Namjoon standing at the banister, overlooking the party. By the time you make it up the stairs however, he’s walked off. “What the?” You say aloud.

“My God, Y/N, I think you are more stunning than the last time I saw you.” Your jaw drops as your ex-boyfriend Jimin approaches you. You scramble to find the words as he looks you up and down. Your skin gooses at the sight of him. He is still as gorgeous as you recall. He stands before you effortlessly handsome. Lips full, hair brushed back and parted, in an all-black suit. “Cat has your tongue huh. How have you been, Jagi? It's been so long since we last spoke or even saw each other. Imagine my surprise when your father called me and invited me to his huge birthday bash. You know I couldn’t resist seeing you right?” “Jimin, I, you can't be here. I don’t want you here.” He smiles wide at your duress. “Oh Jagi, but you're already so excited to see me.” He passes his fingertips along your spine, moving you closer to his body. “People are watching.” You raise your hand up to rest on his chest, keeping him at a distance. “You look so beautiful in this red dress Jagi, hugging every curve, did you wear it just for me?” You can't keep your body from responding to his advances as he rests his hand just above your plump ass. You swallow hard, breathing in his scent, realizing how close you are now. Your entire forearm resting on his chest now. “You hurt me Jimin. We will never, ever, be what we once were. I don’t know what Daddy told you but it's never going to happen. I’ve met someone else, someone more alluring, and honestly I really like him.” You whisper, oh so close to his lips now. He chuckles softly, licking his lips. “Just one kiss then. A sign of peace between us, closure if you will, a chance to seal what once was.” He whispers back, leaning in for the kill. Try as you may, you never could resist him. You hadn't met someone so entrancing until Yoongi and God what would he say if he could see you now? Wrapped in the arms of another man, tongue frantically swirling around his, hands tangled deep in the hairs on the nape of his neck. Could he ever forgive the sight? You know you should stop, rip away but instead you push further into the kiss, allowing him to knead your ass. When you both part you’re out of breath, staring longingly into each other's eyes. “I hope he treats you well Jagi. Better than I ever could. You deserve it.” Jimin trails his fingertips along your spine once again. “Sorry to interrupt,” Namjoon cuts in, placing his hand on your elbow, “We have a problem.”

Min:

God she’s like heaven served up by the devil himself in that dress. Yoongi thinks to himself. He watches in awe as you confidently give your speech, offering your father away. He had hopped on a private jet back home and arrived with enough time to shower, change, and slip into your father’s birthday bash to surprise you. As he watches you walk off into the crowd, he decides to stalk you quietly, taken by your beauty. He smirks as you look around frantically and he wonders if you can feel his presence, if you could both be at all that connected. As you swallow down your drink at the bar, he follows your line of view to see Namjoon looking down over the crowd. He hums to himself, intrigued as to why you’re so excited to have spotted Namjoon at all. He watches you rush through the crowd and decides to intervene. ‘Miss me? Meet me downstairs by the bar.’ Yoongi watches as Namjoon checks his phone, looking over the crowd again and meeting his gaze. Yoongi waves as Namjoon’s turns and takes the back stairwell down to meet him.

“When did you wander in?” Namjoon asks as he approaches Yoongi. “During the speech. How’s my brat been?” Namjoon shakes his head with a chuckle. “I gotta say, I knew you two were gonna hit it off. There should be some sort of prize on my end for letting you have that room at the Lake house, but if I am being honest, she’s been fishing for information. She wants to know more about the enigmatic Min Yoongi.” “She should get in line with the rest of them.” Yoongi chuckles. “Yeah? Well, I gotta say you’ve surprised me. I didn’t think you’d ever tell her about your mother.” Yoongi shrugs. “I didn’t tell her much honestly. Just that she asked to see me. No big deal.” “Speaking of, how did it go?” Yoongi shakes his head, fiddling with a coaster at the bar. “Sorry to hear that bro. I know you were hoping to get some answers from her but I am sure….” Namjoon’s voice fades away, the sound of Yoongi’s pulse booming in his ears instead. His heart drops in his stomach as his blood runs cold. He lifts a finger in the air, pointing up at the spot where Namjoon once stood. “Who the fuck is that?” Yoongi spews. Namjoon turns around to look at where Yoongi is pointing, his eyes soon shooting open at the sight before him. He looks back to Yoongi who if at all possible, has turned paler, eyes sunken in with a look that could kill. “Um, I think that's Jimin, her uh, ex.” Yoongi’s head snaps quickly to meet Namjoon’s gaze. “Why on earth is she up there kissing her fucking ex?” “I don’t know but you gotta calm down ok. I know what you may think but they have been broken up for like 2 years or something. I’m sure there is an explanation.” Yoongi scoffs at the comment. “Oh, yes. I’m sure she just tripped and he caught her with his lips. Get out of my way.” Yoongi pushes past Namjoon now. “Wait,” Namjoon grasp Yoongi by his coat, causing Yoongi to grip Namjoon by the arms tightly, “Let me talk to her first ok. Maybe you and her can go someplace quiet so as not to cause a scene. It IS her father’s birthday after all.” Yoongi grunts angrily at the ground before releasing Namjoon. “Fine. Go.” Namjoon hurries off, leaving Yoongi's head spinning a million miles a minute.

Y/N:

“What? What’s wrong?” You stare at Namjoon, who looks frantic. “It’s good to see you too Namjoon.” “You shouldn’t be here, scum.” Namjoon snips. “I was invited,” Jimin scoffs, looking over to you, “Jagi, call me anytime. I am always available to you, but it seems I am not wanted. I guess I should be leaving now.” Jimin leans in and kisses you on the cheek before turning towards Namjoon. “It really is good to see you Namjoon. Be well.” “I’m sorry but I don’t share the same sentiment.” Namjoon responds, hardening his face. Jimin nods and walks off. “Joon, that was not what you think ok? I can explain. He just wanted…” “Maybe it’s not what I think but I have to say my piece. What exactly are you playing at? He cheated on you, broke your heart, and left you in shambles. Yet here you are like putty in his hands, giving him everything he wants, ready to serve up the same thing he did to you to Yoongi and I know that Yoongi isn't perfect but he means well and deep down he’s a great guy, better than Jimin ever was to you.” Your heart seizes at Namjoon’s words. “Well, we don’t have to tell Yoongi right now ok? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him right? I know he’s your friend but so am I and I just need time to process everything and then I can talk to him about this. Just give me some time that’s all I ask.” “I’m sorry Y/N but your time is up.” You gulp at his comment. “Joon.” You plead as he steps to the side, still holding your elbow. Your jaw drops and heart races as you look over towards the seating area and see a familiar pale face staring back at you through his laced fingers. “Yoongi. How?” You whisper. “He was trying to surprise you. I suppose the jokes on him huh. Like I said, we have a problem.”

MIN:

Her shocked face says it all. She didn’t feel me here at all. There is no connection. I am the fool, as always. She thought she could get away with it. Yoongi’s mind races, all his insecurities flooding his psyche. She begins to approach him, taking a seat beside him. “We should talk. I know you think you know what you saw but there is so much to unpack there. I had no clue you were here, why didn’t you tell me?” “Would it have made a difference, if you knew or not? Would you have avoided the kiss all together just for my sake?” Yoongi turns to face her now. “Found an empty lounge room. I guess it's for the staff but if you guys need a few minutes to talk, there’s no one in there.” Namjoon informs. Yoongi stands and watches as Y/N gets up as well, turning to follow Namjoon. He can’t help but watch the sway in her hips, angered by the twitch in his dick caused by her skin-tight dress. “Here we are.” Namjoon says as you all reach the destination. Namjoon opens the door, allowing for Y/N and Yoongi to walk in. Yoongi nods at Namjoon and closes the door behind him, sure to lock it. As Yoongi turns, Y/N slides her body up against his. “Please don’t be mad at me baby. It meant nothing to me. He means nothing to me. It was nonsense, closure. You’re the only one for me and I even told him that. You’re all I need.” Yoongi looks over her pleading face, fighting with himself on what to believe. “I can make everything better. Make it up to you. You know I would never hurt you.” Yoongi closes his eyes tightly at her words, swallowing hard as she rubs his growing erection. He hates how his body responds to her. “Are you angry? Please, say something. What are you thinking? Do you want to spank me? Is that it?” Yoongi’s eyes pop open at her question. His body tightening to her ask. He did want to punish her, hear her desperate cries as he turns the flesh of her ass red. Make her swallow his cock down completely just so he can watch the tears swell in her eyes as she gags, drooling on his balls. Deny her every pleasure, allowing only himself the chance to feel it all. She moves in and places her soft lips against his and all he can picture in his head was her in the arms of another man. As she tries to deepen the kiss, anger ignites inside him and he can’t help but shove her back. “On your knees, Brat!” He commands. ‘Fuck the light, fuck trying to be good, where has it gotten me,’ Yoongi thinks to himself, ‘Tonight, she meets the real me.’

Y/N:

“No!” You shout defiantly. You won’t give into Yoongi’s behavior tonight. Normally you would have no trouble doing exactly as he commanded, reveling in his every explicit desire. It always turned you on, how well he tamed you, how in tune he was with your body, but lately something changed in him and he was softer, more romantic, something you had grown to love as well. You wouldn’t give in without a fight or at the very least having explained the situation fully. Yoongi didn’t respond to your defiance, instead he opts to lean against the door and watch you. “I know I fucked up ok. I should have never even allowed Jimin to touch me, let alone kiss me. I swear though, I told him about us. I told him that I really like you Yoongi and I do.” “I’m going to fuck his name right out of your mouth.” You swallow hard at his response, squeezing your thighs together at the feeling of your cunt clench around nothing. “I, I wanted you here with me. Daddy was upset, he called him because he thought that, that…” Your resolve is failing you as you scramble to find your train of thought. “That his whore of a daughter needed to be chock full of someone, anyone’s cock?” Your eyes pop open and you run towards Yoongi, slamming your fist into his chest. “Don’t talk about daddy like that. You know nothing about him.” “I know that I’m the only one you’ll be calling daddy here tonight, brat!” You shove him away from you. “I know you’re angry Yoongi. You have every right to be but please don’t shut me out. I want to be more to you than just some random girl you fuck.” Yoongi chuckles, walking over to you. He slides his fingertips along your jawline. “I wanted that too, but you ruined everything.” “Don’t say that. It was one slip up. It meant nothing. I’m sorry ok.” He nods running his fingertips down your neck and along your exposed cleavage. He takes the tiny red strap of your dress between his fingertips and twirls it before yanking it hard, snapping the fragile fabric. “Such a gorgeous little slut. Tell me, are you going to be a good girl and take everything I give you?” You moan softly, biting your lip, trying not to fall for his wicked charm. “Yoongi, please.”

He hums, drunk on the sound of you begging. He takes you by the waist, squeezing your hips before pulling you into his massive erection. “I promise I’ll be good, if you promise to forgive me.” You grind against him now. “My gorgeous little brat, you forget who’s in control here.” He spins you around quickly, his hands trailing along your breast and down your torso. You know what he needs, how to take control. You press your backside into him and yank up your skirt, before dropping onto your knees on a loveseat in the lounge. He groans from deep within his chest at the sight of you. “Do it. I know you want to.” You urge, crying out as he wastes no time slapping you hard across the ass. “Better keep it down brat, we wouldn’t want daddy to hear, now would we?” He teases, slapping you once again this time harder. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip to keep from screaming. Yoongi plants two more heavy palms on your exposed ass, panting heavily with lust each time. Your backside burns against the cool air, but you don’t care you know he needs this; this is how he speaks; this is how he expresses his emotions. “More!” You shout, egging him on, showing him that you could speak his language. You needed him to know that you needed this too and that you could be each other’s escape, if only he would let you in. He yanks your thong down, cupping your drenched sex. “I said more!” You hear him scoff right before he brings his large hand to meet your exposed cunt. The slap creating an illicit sound against your wet lips. It sends shock waves through you. “Fuck!” You yelp whilst Yoongi proceeds to spread your lips open and tease your swollen bud with two fingers. You mewl and grind against him. “God, feels so good. You always know what to do.” You praise just as Yoongi quickly winds back and slaps your cunt once more causing a sharp zap of electricity to shoot through your needy clit. You jump forward at the new feeling, Yoongi grasping your hips and pulling you back onto your knees. He begins once again to tease your clit, uses your juices to rub small circles around it. You hitch your hips back at the feeling, needing more. “More please. I need you inside me.” Yoongi obliges by sliding one measly finger into your soaked cunt. You clench desperately, “Stop teasing.” You plead. “Such a greedy cunt. Look how she gobbles at my finger. So wet, so sweet, begging for more.” Yoongi mocks. He adds another finger and you growl with pleasure at the feeling. You raise your hand up and begin to rub your neglected clit as Yoongi fingers you roughly. “Fuck! I’m so close.” You cry out. “That’s enough.” Yoongi yanks his fingers from inside you, instead slapping your hard once more on the ass. “You fuck!” You cry out. “You don’t cum until I say you do brat.” Yoongi groans, licking a long trail from your clit to your taint before slapping you once more upon your exposed cunt. You cry out once more not sure of how much more you can take. “Yoongi, my God, please. I need you.” You beg him. Yoongi gently rubs his palms over your burning ass and you wince in pain. You wait to see if he'll plant kisses along your backside like normal but instead, he squeezes your cheeks tightly causing you to yelp in pain. He hums in delight before planting himself on the couch, allowing you take in the sight of his cock pressing firmly against his zipper, begging to be freed. He bites his lip seductively watching you yearn over him. “Not until you come suck daddy’s cock.”

MIN:

She’s never looked so fucking needy and desperate to please me. Yoongi thinks to himself as she drops to her knees before him. She licks her lips in anticipation as she unbuttons his pants, freeing his aching cock from its restraint. She slowly strokes him, using his pre-cum to ease the passing of her soft hands along his shaft. He watches her with lust filled eyes as she bites her lip, twisting and twirling her fist around his cock. “Spit on it.” He demands. She swallows nervously making Yoongi smile. He wonders if this is the first time someone has asked her to do this. No matter to him, he was willing to work with her, push her past her limits, tame the needy brat inside her. He passes his thumb gently across her bottom lip before shoving his index and middle finger into the back of her throat causing her to gag. “Good girl. Now, spit on it.” She leans forward and allows her drool to accumulate at her lips before dropping a glob of spit on his reddened tip. Yoongi sucks in a deep breath as he watches her drool make its way down his shaft. He yanks her tits free, sliding down on the couch, he nestles his cock between them. He presses the soft flesh tightly against his throbbing member as he hitches his hips upward, fucking her full breasts. She places her hands over his, mouth opened, watching him through her lashes.

“Does my little slut like it when I fuck her tits?” “Yes.” “Yes, what?” “Yes, sir.” “Tsk, tsk. Not tonight I’m not.” Yoongi grasp her by her hair and yanks her head back licking unabashedly at her neck while tugging at her pointed nipple, eliciting a deep dark moan to escape her. “Yes, what?” “Yes, daddy.” Yoongi smiles against her neck, pulling her head down to meet his drooling cock. “Open wide for me baby.” She does exactly as she's told and Yoongi rewards her with a slow entrance into her mouth rather than the hard one he had planned. He allows her to relax her throat as he finds purchase there, holding her in place by her hair, as his cock throbs against her quaking esophagus. He rolls his head back at the feeling. He looks back down at her as she digs her nails into his thighs. He wonders if he should let her up for air or if she could hold on for a bit longer. She whines slightly and he presses into her further before pulling her up to his tip. She gasps for air and he groans at the sight of her all teary eyed, drool string from her lips to his cock, out of breath. “You’ve never looked more beautiful.” He tells her. “I’m so wet for you daddy. I want you so bad.” He smirks at her response. “Almost, baby, almost.” He hints, running his tip along her lips. She nods opening her mouth. She slides her tongue along the underside of his head, wrapping her lips around the tip fully she suckles at the mushroomed top, working one hand along his shaft and the other massaging his balls. Yoongi moans aloud feeling his body tense as his climax builds. If she keeps this up, he’s going to cum a lot faster than he intends to.

Y/N:

Yoongi abruptly stops you just as you are intensely working his cock. “Up.” He commands. You stand immediately, watching as Yoongi get on his feet, and pushes you onto your knees once more on the couch. He leans in and takes your ear lobe in his mouth, nibbling and tugging at it. “Do you love him?” He asks out of nowhere. “What?” He ignores you and begins kissing down your neck, biting at the sensitive flesh. “Did he kiss you like this?” He grips your hips, trailing his kisses down your back. “Yoongi, don’t do that. You're the only one I want.” You try to reassure him. “Prove it,” He moans, grabbing your sore ass and spreading your cheeks apart. He lands a slap on your already tormented rear end, “Beg me to fuck you. Make it convincing.” “Yoongi....” You start but your protest is only met with another whack across the bum. Your wanting pussy coming alive once again. “Daddy, please won't you fuck me?” You twirl your hips up at him. “No.” He slaps you hard across the ass once more, your juices flowing past your lips. “Fuck! Please, please, fuck me.” “Hmmm. Better, you're getting warmer.” He rubs his fingers along your slit, slapping down against your moistened mound. “Ah! Fuck me Min ok, stop playing games. I’m over this. Just please. I need release.” “Brattier.” He mulls, sticking two fingers deep inside you, igniting your nerve endings. You grip the couch now to keep from wailing at the feeling. “God, Please, it's not enough. I need your cock. Only yours will do. No one fucks like you. Please.” “Good girl.” He praises, shoving the whole of his cock deep within you. Your gasp caught in your throat. Yoongi takes the opportunity to shove his sticky fingers into your gaping mouth and excitedly you clamp down on them, sucking your juices from each one.

He drops his hand from your mouth to your throat, grasping tightly as he begins to drill his cock into you over and over. His moans grow hoarse and more animal like with each thrust as you feel your core burn with your rising climax. “Don't....you...cum!” He growls into your ear, keeping his tortuous pace, your pussy clenching and releasing with burning pleasure. You feel his grip get tighter around your neck as the air begins to restrict, “Yoongi”, You tap his hand to try and warn him of your oncoming climax. You don’t think you can hold on much longer. You vision becomes blurry as Yoongi cries out into the room, his release hitting him like a bus, he unloads his massive seed into you. You tap his hand once more, as you feel his seed create a heavenly slickness as it spills out of you. Yoongi tightens down on your neck once again and immediately releases, dropping his hand to attack your swollen clit as you take your first deep breath. Your body quakes in a way you’ve never felt before as your coil snaps at an unprecedented rate. You screech out, as you squirt your climax all over Yoongi’s balls. Yoongi continues to rub small circles along your bud whilst slowly thrusting in and out of you until you beg him to stop, the feelings of overstimulation too much to bear. Yoongi pulls his now softening member from inside you and you both begin to dress in silence. He hands you a few paper towels from inside the lounges bathroom and you happily take them, cleaning up the mess between your thighs. Yoongi looks down at his crotch, knowing no amount of scrubbing will fix the damage done to his suit pants so he opts to just untuck his dress shirt. “I guess ruining your suits is becoming a habit of mine.” You smile. He doesn’t respond. You walk over to him, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Yoongi I am so sorry about tonight with Ji-, my ex. I know what I did isn't excusable but please know if I could take it back I would. I, God, I’m falling for you. I love you.” You painfully admit. Yoongi winces at your confession, causing your stomach to flip. “Don’t say things you couldn’t possibly understand the meaning of. I don’t take those words lightly and you shouldn't either. I’ve never said those words to anyone, and I don’t think I'll be starting now.” He smooths out his shirt of its wrinkles and you try hard to swallow down the lump in your throat, tears prickling at your eyes. “Yoongi, please, things have been so good.” He nods. “They have been and all it takes is one moment to fuck it all up.” He waves his hands up in defeat. You stop trying and just let your tears fall, hoping they will sway him, chip away at his cold exterior.

MIN:

It kills Yoongi to see her standing before him crying, her mascara running. She looks spent, defeated, lip quivering. It broke his heart to hear her utter the words I love you. He lied when he said he has never told anyone those words. He’s told his mother but what was that for, she only ever loved herself. Deep down inside he knew that he loved this woman before him. She wasn’t just some girl he fucked. His emotions for her ran deep. Their connection immediate, from the moment he saw her face bathed in sunlight on the terrace of Namjoon’s Lake house, he knew he had to have her all to himself. Namjoon warned him of her, that she was breath taking, “A rollercoaster.” was his exact description and he couldn’t have been more accurate. She had made him feel things he hadn't felt in a long time but tonight she made him feel something that he felt every day of his life, betrayal, and that he couldn't have. So, as much as it pained him to shut her out, he had to pull his guard up, his wall was the only thing that truly kept him from breaking. Even as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his chest, he stood stern in decision. “I’m sorry but I don’t love you.” He whispered, watching her heart break before him, as he wiped away her tears. “Open it!” You both hear from the other side of the door right before it swings open. “What the hell is going on here? Who are you and why they hell are touching my daughter?” Y/N clings to Yoongi’s side. He’s almost proud to have been caught, the thought of her father setting her up with another man causing his anger to surge. “Daddy! Wait, let me explain. This is...” “I don’t give a shit who it is! I am told to investigate the sounds of screaming and what do I find? My daughter in the arms of this heathen? You dishonor me Y/N! Get over here, now!” For a moment Yoongi tugs at you, keeping you at his side, wanting to protect you from your fathers wrath. He knew all too well what you were feeling. “Its not her fault sir.” “Shut up snail! You’re unworthy of my attention nor that of my daughters.” “Daddy stop it.” She defies. “I understand sir. Good thing I’m already done with her.” Yoongi watches as both Y/N and her fathers face drop. He smirks, unbothered, making sure to shove his shoulder into her fathers on the way out of the room. “Wait, Yoongi!” She calls to him but he doesn’t turn around, this time choosing to hold onto the upper hand.

#bts smut #suga x you #suga x reader #yoongi smut

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rosemaidenvixen · 3 years

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Ugly Sweaters and Hot Cocoa

Happy Secret Santa, Merry Christmas, and Blessed Yule to @tigereyes45. You wanted something with adult asexual Krel enjoying his best life, so I wrote this little one shot with him and his fellow ace friends calling Aja to update her about his life on earth. Hope you enjoy!

@toa-secret-santa

Ao3

Krel carefully placed the laptop down on the coffee table and looked around “Everyone ready?”

Eli plopped down on the couch right next to him “Ready,”

Zoe hopped over the back and landed on Krel’s other side “All set, now we just need to wait for Douxie to get her with the--”

“Ask and you shall receive,” Douxie stepped around the side of the couch and slid the pile of DVDs onto the table before flopping back next to Zoe “Ready when you are Krel,”

“Awesome,” Krel turned and opened up the laptop, typing in the commands to establish the connection “Let’s get started,”

A few seconds later Aja’s blue face popped up on the screen.

“Hello little brother!”

“Hello Aja,” Krel greeted her with a small smile.

“Hi Aja!”

“Nice to see you,”

“How’s it going, did you get the video games I sent you?”

She held up a thin plastic box in front of the screen “Yes, thank you Zoe, but we’ll have to be quick today, I can’t talk for long, there is a meeting with dignitaries from the far territories,”

Abruptly Aja’s figure on the screen froze, before slowly lowering the box and leaning in to squint at them “What are you all wearing?”

“Ah, well you see, today we participated in a Earth winter solstice ritual known as the ‘Ugly Sweater Party’,”

“Check it out!” Eli flipped a switch on the underside of his collar causing the Christmas tree on the front of his sweater to become illuminated with multicolored lights.

“You call that an ugly sweater?” Douxie said with a smirk “This is an ugly sweater,”

He pressed the red nose of the reindeer on his chest, causing tinny instrumental music to play. Krel and Zoe looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Douxie and Eli could be such dorks, although to be fair the snowman on Krel’s sweater shed glitter on every surface it touched, and Zoe’s sweater had so much tinsel it was hard to look directly at her.

“Oh, excellent work, your sweaters are most hideous,”

“I know,” Krel leaned back “I don’t really understand it either,”

Aja giggled before she started, zooming closer until her face took up the entire screen “Seklos and Gaylen Krel! Is this your new house?”

Krel perked up “Oh yes, sorry I thought I already told you we moved in. We’re on the loft right now but I can show you the rest,” he stood and picked up the laptop, walking over to the landing so Aja could see down stairs “There’s the kitchen, and the living room, there’s a patio outside but it might be hard to see through the sliding doors,”

“Very lively! I will have to come over to see it the next time I am on earth,”

“Yep,” Eli said with no small amount of pride “The four Ace-cateers finally have a home base,”

Krel turned and made a face so that only Aja would see; her eyes sparkled, cheeks puffed with barely restrained giggles. He hadn’t been the one to pick out that name, Eli had, and to Krel’s eternal torment it stuck.

Asexual was the english word to describe what the four of them were. There existed no such translation in the Akiridion dialect, the closest thing would be ‘preferences’.

Some Akiridions preferred those similar to themselves, some preferred those who were more different. Some enjoyed the company of others regardless of how similar or different they were. And some, like Krel, preferred to abstain altogether.

Krel had never really needed a word to describe what he was; Aja, Varvatos, and his parents had always known his preferences and accepted them without question.

So yes, Krel had never needed the word, but being able to use it to find others that were similar to him was incredible.

Other people that would roll their eyes with him when Steve did one of his musical calls to Aja, to complain with about how nearly everything in human society was geared towards couples.

Eli, Douxie, and Zoe were some of the best friends he could ask for during his years on earth. Even if ‘The four Ace-cateers’ was an embarrassing name.

“We just moved in last week,” Zoe said loud enough for Aja to hear even though Krel was standing across the room with the laptop “There’s still a lot of unpacking to do, but that can wait until after finals,”

“Congratulations! Are your classes going well little brother?”

“Oh yes they are challenging to be sure but I having a blast,” Krel returned the laptop to the table while sitting back down on the couch “Humans have such a complex history, and the way the carbon based life on this planet evolved is truly fascinating,”

Douxie leaned over and grinned at the computer screen “You have no idea how disappointed the engineering school was to miss out on him, there was even talk about some of them throwing him into a sack and dragging him to the engineering campus so they could force him to join,”

“Kleb that,” Krel folded his arms and leaned back “If I wanted to learn utterly basic engineering from some larvox that doesn’t even know what a Daxial array is, I would go back to high school,”

Aja giggled before turning towards Eli “How are your studies going, Ambassador Pepperjack?”

“I’m hanging in there, Mr. Strickler’s been helping with my political science classes, but learning all the different languages is hard,”

Krel grinned and nudged him with an elbow “Eli, tell her what happened your debate,”

Aja’s eyeridges rose “Debate?”

Eli blushed scarlet while the three of them started smirking “There’s nothing to tell!”

“If it is nothing why are you turning red?”

“Let’s just say Ash Dispersal Pattern, featuring DJ Kleb, made a guest appearance,” Douxie said with a sly grin.

“Is that what you call it?! There was a dragon in the auditorium!”

Zoe held up a finger “Hey, Charlemange is a cool guy,”

“The quad was on fire.”

“I assure you, we had everything under control,”

“And the gnomes!?” Eli said indignantly, face still crimson.

Krel opened his mouth to retort, paused, shut his jaw with a click, and then opened it again “....yeah ok that was our bad, we took that one a little too far,”

Eli covered his face and moaned

Aja’s expression was both confused and intrigued “Ok, we don’t have enough time right now, but you will definitely have to tell me the full story later,”

Zoe nodded at her “I’ll send you the pictures,”

“Oh, that reminds me, how is your deejaying Krel?”

“Klebtastic, I’ve been doing pretty regular work at the recreation center’s party nights, and I’m going to be doing the music in town square for Arcadia’s New Years eve celebration,”

“That’s Amazing!” she beamed at him “You know when I told the council of elders what your DJ name is they were so horrified, a few of them actually fainted,”

Krel let out a short laugh “Oh man, I wish I could have been there,”

Aja chuckled along with him for a moment when someone suddenly called to her from offscreen. She leaned over and disappeared from view for a while responding to them before quickly popping back “I have to go soon, but it was good talking to you,”

“Yes,” Krel sighed, the other three sitting back to let him and his sister say goodbye “I miss seeing you,”

“Krel I--” Aja hesitated before speaking up again “Krel...I am glad that you are happy on earth with your friends and your deejaying and your studies...but there will always be a place for you on Akiridion-5,”

Krel froze, caught off guard by the sudden heaviness in his chest and stinging in his eyes.

His life on earth wasn’t perfect, there were pieces missing; Aja was the biggest one. But he had his friends, his town. A life outside being a prince that he’d never imagined.

Maybe one day he would want something different, but for now this was enough.

“Thank you Aja,”

Aja gave him a soft smile “You can always come back whenever you want, but I know earth is your home to,”

Someone called to her from beyond the computer again, Aja frowned sharply, standing abruptly and shouting offscreen “I will be finished soon, now would you please give me a mekron to speak with my brother in peace!”

She sat back down into view and sighed “I have to go now, but it was good talking to you, and Krel--”

“Yes, I know, I will give hugs and kisses to the oaf for you,”

“I was going to say don’t take so long to call again, but if you really want to, I can ask Steve to--”

“Flishgag no!”

“Aja! Ew!” Eli’s face was a picture of disgust.

She laughed at them through the screen, Douxie and Zoe going right along with her.

“Take care of yourself little brother,”

“I will, and you do the same,”

She gave him a melancholy smile “Goodbye,”

Bittersweet feelings stirred in his stomach “Bye, see you soon,”

With that he pressed a button on the keyboard causing the screen to go dark.

Krel pressed the power button and shut the laptop, but not before he could see the glum look on his face reflected in the blaack screen.

It was good to catch up with Aja, he should definitely arrange another call soon. But immediately after their calls ended was always when he felt the literal lightyears of distance between them most acutely.

He played off the swell of emotion as a shudder “Why your race chooses to express romantic affection by mushing your mouths together I will never understand,”

“Agreed,” Eli punctuated the word with a nod.

“I don’t know guys,” Douxie said “Kissing isn’t all that bad,”

“Yeah,” Zoe slid closer to him “I think I might like to do some right now,”

“Please no,”

“Gross,”

Douxie flashed them a malicious grin while pulling a smirking Zoe in closer “We’re going to do it,” he said in a sing-song voice.

“Guys, eeww!”

“If you two kiss I am throwing myself out the window,”

“Pucker up honeypie,” Zoe leaned in close, Douxie bending his head down to meet her.

Eli made gagging noises.

“The window is open and I am ready to jump!”

Zoe and Douxie were less than an inch away when Lucy suddenly popped up from behind the couch, causing Zoe to fall and Douxie to jump with a yelp.

“Nuh uh uh kiddos, no PDA in the living room. Got to be on your tip top best behavior now, Santy Claus is watching,”

Zoe got back up with a grumble “We’re grown adults in our own house,”

Lucy didn’t so much as bat an eye “How about you sports have some hot cocoa, extra whipped cream and extra marshmallows,” she held out a tray with four steaming mugs.

“...if this is a bribe I will totally take it,” Zoe reached up and grabbed one of the mugs, Eli and Douxie following suit.

Krel shut the window with a sigh of relief and walked over to accept his own mug. Zoe and Douxie would pick chocolate over making out any day; besides, if past experience was anything to go by Krel wasn’t very good at hiding his gloom at being separated from his sister, and they had only been trying to distract him.

He picked up one of the DVDs from the stack on the coffee table “Should I start the movie now?”

“Yes,”

“Definitely,”

“Fire it up,”

Krel popped the disk into the player before going back over to plop down on the couch between Eli and Douxie. Zoe picked up the box from where he set it on the table “When a big city lawyer heads home for the holidays it’s love at first sight when-- wow, they aren’t even trying anymore are they?”

“They’re the Hallmark channel,” Eli said between sips of his hot chocolate “What do you think?”

“You know, when I first arrived on Earth I thought that these movies were an accurate representation of human courtship, you have know idea how relieved I was when I learned they weren’t,”

“Yeah they are inaccurate drivel,” Douxie said as the opening credits started rolling “But they are a ton of fun to watch with my fellow Ace-cateers,”

Krel grinned and held up his mug “I’ll drink to that,”

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