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deepseaorcapt · 10 months

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Snowbird

Pairing: Revali x GN Hylian Reader Summary: Visiting Revali today ended up in archery training, wholesome banter, and a lot of fears with the rise of Calamity Ganon. Themes: Romance, Fluff, Slight Angst Word Count: 2,737 A/N: Another x reader because I noticed not many people really make fics talking about how they felt or how it was before the calamity, that or I haven't read much. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it, it's crossposted to my ao3!

It was a freezing day in the Tabantha Region. Today marks a few months since you've started living in Rito Village. Having a daily routine of checking in with villagers and helping them out when they needed, it's a normal occurrence that you bump into the Rito Champion more than once, sometimes, it happens on a daily basis. That Rito has the ego and pride of a lion but still is sweet at heart when the situation permits. Eventually, you both established a bond and became friendly with each other.

Your tasks from villagers range from killing a few bokoblins to delivering something to certain people. Well, the latter is how you end up in the flight range as you jokingly asked Revali to teach you the bow. You went to the training grounds, bringing food for the Rito Champion as requested by the village elder. When you curiously wondered how training under Revali would be, and so you asked and that's how you ended up in the situation you are in now.

"I'm giving you a private lesson here, only because I think your bond with me is worthy enough for it." He hands you the swallow bow and walks a few feet away from you, not meeting your eyes.

"There are many rules in learning the art of archery, if you are wanting to learn… You better not be slacking." He said sternly as he took a glance. His back turned to you as you nervously held the swallow bow he entrusted to you. "Now the art of archery may have a lot of rules." He spoke with pride before turning to you with a smile, "But the first thing you need to remember is holding that bow with confidence. Go, show me how you hold your bow."

You gave him a weak smile as you tried to mimic how he aims as you aim at one of the targets. "You know, you haven't even taught me how to hold it yet." You said as you fumbled and strained yourself, he sighs as he watches you struggle to keep your posture. Approaching you, he gives you a comforting smile then teases, "I don't know what you'll do without me." Causing you to roll your eyes and reply, "Well, I asked only because I wanted to see what devastating training you put your warriors in." A chuckle erupts from you as you watch him hum, ignoring your comment, and moving to your side. He raised his wing, gently caressing your hand and the upper side of your back to help with your posture. His face was focused but being in close contact with your friend, you can't seem to hide the blush on your face.

"What did I say about confidence? Stand tall and don't be too nervous. You have to stay focused and trust yourself with the bow. Your arms will just get more unstable if you keep letting the bow take control of you." He pats the lower part of your back as he gives the lesson, making you jolt and yelp in surprise. The arrow that you were holding makes a beeline for the target, hitting the outermost ring. He chuckles at your reaction, earning a pout from you. He gave you a smirk before teasing you, "You lack focus. I was just guiding you and you jolted like a horse when I softly patted you."

After a while of playful banter, you both relaxed and looked at where your arrow ended up. You gave a nervous chuckle and said, “Well, at least it’s at the target. I say a hit is still a hit.” He rolls his eyes then laughs. "If it were a real monster, there is no outer ring and they'll most likely be moving, then most likely, you'll die before you get a hit." He states as he flies up and shoots a few rings to demonstrate and to show off to you. He then looks at you and says, “You’ll figure it out! You’re smart enough for that, right?” He ignores your groans in irritation as he continues to show off. "You could be such a jerk at times." You said as you sighed, watching him continue his exhibition.

Well, that's Revali, he has good intentions but he couldn't control his desire to show off. It happens from time to time, earning praises and cheers from the crowd. Little would you know he was showing off more towards you, trying to get your attention and praises as if he was a bird trying to flaunt their qualities for their chosen mate.

You held your bow and went back to training, you tried your best to aim at the target again. Steadying your bow, breathing in as you took your time before shooting the target. But when you noticed a flock of birds pass by you decided to give it a try and aim at them.

“Might as well give it a shot, maybe I could have something to prove to Revali.” You thought as you breathed in to take your shot.

You release but the arrow misses them by a feather, shooting upwards piercing the cold air. Not even a second since you released it, Revali returns to you. "I've got a better idea on how I could possibly teach you the ropes." He says proudly as he lands in front of you, "You may have no experience at all, but if you take the lessons that-"

His voice was silenced from your mind as you noticed something shine in the sun above both of you. The arrow from before comes rushing down on you both. Your eyes widened and as time slowed down, you pushed yourself onto Revali, hard.

"H-hey!" He stutters as you both were sent off the railing of the platform and onto the snow bed below. "What was that for?!" He exclaims as he tries to look for you in the snow. The impact sent you flying a bit further but not by much. Revali stands up quickly dusting himself off before going to you.

"You better have a good explanation for putting us both in danger-"

"The arrow I shot to the sky fell down." You cut him off and said quietly as you focused your attention to the sky.

Revali was going to continue on his ramblings about archery and safety but he noticed how little you seemed interested. "Did you hit your head or something? Why are you staring at the sky?" He asked, worry was in his voice but he was more intrigued than anything. He looked up and he saw Vah Medoh flying up in the sky. He still looked confused as he returned his gaze to you, "What's with the Divine Beast Vah Medoh?"

Your eyes were closed for a minute, "Nothing, nothing… Just humour me for a bit, Revali." You say softly as you lay in the bed of snow peacefully, patting the snow next to you. He shrugs but decides to lie down next to you in the snow.

"Have you ever had time to stop and think about it?" You say as your eyes flutter open and watch the beast fly.

"I'm not sure what you're getting at." He said as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, all of you champions are surely talented and skilled enough to protect your villages… But have you ever wondered who the pilots of the divine beasts were before? What trials and what reasons did they have for being chosen?" You say with a small smile and close your eyes for a bit, "I wonder if your ancestor was just as cocky as you are." Teasing him, you looked to your side where he lies, he didn't notice what you said and thought back to your question. It wasn't rare that Revali doesn't notice the things you say, you knew he had lots of things in his mind, that they cause him fear and anxiety under that persona he shows. You turn your head back to Vah Medoh as it flies high above them, gliding in the wind like a giant majestic eagle.

It was a while in silence before Revali opened his beak and said, "I never thought of that, if I was honest. Truly, I have no time for such small things but I'd like to humour you this once."

"I think those previous champions are just ashamed they couldn't put an eternal end to Calamity Ganon. I would be if we couldn't."

There it was, the nightmare of many, the Calamity. You usually run away from it, the prophecy and its probable effects in your mind, but it's eventuality haunts you. You loved your life in Rito Village, you loved how things were now, you loved spending time with your friend, Revali, no matter how much of a jerk he could be at times. It was hard to think that a big calamity could change everyone's lives for the rest of their time living in Hyrule. Silence fills the void between you both as you both lie in the snow.

Revali, honestly, thought the same in the silence. The people here, the rich culture, the bonds and the life. They're all things he wishes aren't affected by the calamity when it comes. He'll miss the chicks singing in the morning, training others as well in the flight range. Above all, he'll miss you in all of it. The way he'll see you smile as you approach him, the little stories he hears from your adventures and tasks there. It's all the things in his daily life, he wasn't sure he wanted to change but he knew much that he needed to protect.

"Do you think we have a better chance?" You say, the anxiety crawling up your neck and grasping your throat as if it's stopping you from talking. Revali chuckles nervously and says, "We should be, there's no other choice. I'm up there as a support! Surely, just surely, when that little hero falls back and begs for me to save him, I'll swoop in and kill that calamity in a shot." He smugly boasts, hiding the anxiety in his own voice as you giggle, "I don't doubt you could do it, but just be more careful, even when the calamity is dead and gone, there's no saying that the village will ever not be in danger. We could still use your skills and protection, Revali." There was a smile and truth to your words as you try to erase the possibility of his death from your mind.

"I'm sure I'll be fine, I'm never not ready and in control of the situation. Despite that, I can't make any promises when the time comes." Softly he says as he closes his eyes and sighs, "Rito Village depends well on me and the protection of Vah Medoh, I'd gladly risk it all for them."

Snow piles up on both of your bodies as the light of the sun very slowly melts it away.

"I know" you said but it sounded like you were talking to no one. Like it was a confirmation to yourself, to remind yourself of the reality that is Calamity Ganon.

When silence hits you both, It wasn't an awkward silence, just a knowing one. It spoke loudly as it echoed the chaos that may happen when the calamity finally arrived. What could happen to Revali honestly terrified you both. Revali was all for risking his life and his future for the sake of his people, but that was when he didn't have much to lose. But now, he couldn't stand and afford to see your face so dejected and defeated.

It was deafening with how loud the silence was but you were determined to break it, letting go of the overwhelming feeling of fear as you said, "Have you ever thought of settling down after the calamity?"

Revali's feathers puff up all of a sudden as he sits up and faces you, flustered by your question, "W-wait, what? What does that have to do with anything?! With the calamity?!"

His mind goes wild as his heart races, 'Don't people who only have interest ask that? You don't just casually ask that after some deep thoughts about life, death and survival! Why does she have to fluster me like that when I'm off my guard!'

You give him a smile, finding comfort in his flusteredness and say, "Well, I was just thinking of what it could be like in the future where the calamity is defeated. I wonder if you'll have little chicks… But then again, I wonder if those chicks are just as snarky and impatient as you are." You teased him and chuckled. He loved your smile, that much was true, but he couldn't let you get away with teasing. He rolled his eyes then replied to you, "Well, I'm sure your little Hylian children would just be as chatty as you, maybe even just as nosy too." You both laughed and when the laughter died down, you both had smiles on your faces. Revali lies down once again beside you, letting the snow comfort his form.

"Seriously though, have you ever thought about settling down and having anything other than training? What if you don't really need to train anymore?" You say as you glance at your side, Revali's face was comfortable and relaxed, you could even say he seemed at home. It warms your heart to see your friend's guard down like this. It warms you that he trusts you enough to be like this around you, and you made a promise to yourself you'll keep him safe in these moments.

"Well, I think I'm better off a few more years alone, maybe go on an adventure or train future warriors on how to be better. I'm not sure if I really found one to settle down with yet, I don't mind if I never do…" He hums as he looks a bit embarrassed. His beak feels dry as he lies when he says he hasn't found someone he'd like to settle down with.

You've always been by his side and took care of him, so that for once he didn't have to feel like he had to carry the burden all by himself. At first, he despised it; Leaning onto someone for the weakness he couldn't overcome but despite that, with every look on your face, the absolute care and loyalty you had to him. It took his heart and warmly blew on it, that the wind carried his sorrows away.

He coughs and continues, "But it would be a nice thing to imagine… Waking up to someone next to you and looking forward to going home… Don't you agree?"

He looks at you expectantly, somehow, it's like he was searching for some hint of affection you had for him but you kept your gaze focused on the sky.

"Hmm, for me? I agree too but just… I hope whoever it may be, they'll be my best friend. I want to have a laugh with them while staying safe in their arms, you know?" You chuckle as you sit up, your eyes meeting with his. It was a moment of connection, but you both denied it was something more, afraid of what could be and the feelings that'll hurt when the calamity eventually comes. You blinked away as you stilled your beating heart and said, "Well, that's enough thoughts for today, don't you think?"

You stood then helped Revali up who had a curious look on his face. He tries to hide his flusteredness when you mentioned 'best friend'. He thought to himself but chuckled and whispered,

"It couldn't be, right?" to which you replied to him with a confused hum as you walked back towards the village.

He shakes his head, reassuring you, "It's nothing, don't mind it" He says softly as he denies any possibility that you may actually like him back but a smile crept on his face as he looked at you fondly. He gives in and thinks to himself as you stopped and stood, waiting for him. He watched your figure as he caught up to you; His mind's thoughts were calm today, except for the lone thought.

'Maybe after the calamity, when all is done and safe, I could be your best friend.'

#legend of zelda #loz fanfic #loz x reader #botw #aoc #breath of the wild #age of calamity #botw revali #revali #x reader #revali x reader #revalillia #writing #fanfiction #tewo-riting

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jedi-hawkins · 10 months

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Shockpack - WIP - Hunter x f!jedireader

Summary: Just another day in a spaceport as f!jedireader and the Bad Batch go about repairing the Marauder, when something goes horribly wrong. Happening at some point during the Clone Wars pre-Echo.

~1.5k words

Pairing: light insinuation between Hunter x f!reader

Warnings: CPR/AED usage, cardiac arrest, sounds of breaking bones, physical trauma, medical treatment, some cuteness/fluff

Notes: This is my first time posting any of my writing. Just a segment of a WIP for my oc (which I may introduce here at some point). Originally written in third person, I changed the pov to second person, which I don't normally write in, so sorry if it seems choppy!

Thank you for reading! please reblog if you liked it so I can start working on more writing to post!

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"Hunter, that needs to be more to the left."

Hunter brings his head back out of the engineering bay he and Tech are working on. Both brothers have removed their upper armor to make it easier to reach into the tight spots. "Tech, why did you ask for my help if you're going to correct everything I do?"

"Because, I need an extra set of hands, Hunter. The General is busy plotting our next mission and you sent Crosshair and Wrecker out for supplies."

You chuckle at the two arguing brothers before turning back to the holomap in front of you.

"Well if you keep telling me what to do, then you'll have to grow the extra set of hands yourself." Hunter snaps back.

Tech sighs. "I'm just saying, if that component is not at the optimal angle, then it may not remain stable-"

"Stow it, Tech. It's attached to the ship. What's next?"

Footsteps signal the return of Crosshair and Wrecker, the latter sets down two large crates as his brother hefts two packs from his shoulders.

"The med supplies are in here, General." Wrecker says, pointing to one of the large crates.

You give him a smile, "Thanks, Wrecker. You guys get everything else?"

"Apparently ration packs are in short supply in this sector, so bars will have to do for now." Crosshair says. "Much to Wrecker's disappointment."

His brother grumbles in response as a few metal clanks and choice curses from Hunter float over from the side of the Marauder.

"That seems fun." Crosshair says, placing a toothpick in his mouth.

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, I think Hunter is getting close to strangling Tech with one of the exhaust hoses."

Wrecker chuckles. "He is particular."

Before anyone can say anything else, a large bang comes from the Marauder. You, Wrecker and Crosshair run over to see Hunter is lying on his back, eyes closed and Tech is shaking his shoulders.

"Tech what happened!?" You shout, sliding to a stop on your knees beside him.

"I-I don't know General. I told him that component could become unstable at the wrong angle."

Your eyes follow Tech's finger that's pointing to a small metal part lying a few feet away from Hunter.

Your eyes widen and you elbow Tech out of the way, nearly causing him to fall over. "Move." You lean her cheek close to Hunter's face and holding two fingers to his neck.

"It happened so quick, it must have hit him in the chest." Tech stammers out.

Wrecker's brow furrows as he watches you place your hands over Hunter's sternum. "What are you-"

"Hunter's heart isn't beating. Shock pack in the med bay. Bright orange. Go." You say.

Wrecker disappears as you start leaning all your weight onto your Sergeant's chest in rhythm. Crosshair can hear you muttering under your breath.

"fifteen... sixteen... seventeen..."

Wrecker returns with the case and sets it down at Hunter's side opposite you. "Now what?" he asks.

You stop pressing on Hunter's chest and whip out a vibro-blade which you use to cut the Sergeant's upper blacks straight up the front. Immediately, you go back to trusting your hands into Hunter's chest. "Open it. Put the pads on his chest like the picture and turn it on. Work around me." You say, your breath starting to become labored.

They falter for a moment when you suddenly press your lips to Hunter's. After a couple seconds you go back to pushing into Hunter's chest and the three brothers realize you're breathing for him. Crosshair and Wrecker quickly work together to follow your instructions. They peel the backing off the sticky shock pads and press them to Hunter's chest. Wrecker presses the green 'on' button and a smooth voice comes from the shock pack.

'Device on. Do not touch the patient."

You stop your movements and holds your arms out to keep the brothers back.

'Analyzing heart rhythm. Shock advised. Do not touch the patient. Deliver shock.'

You reach across Hunter and press a big flashing button on the shock pack and Hunter's body jolts with electricity.

'Continue Compressions.'

You immediately jumps back to Hunter's chest, sweat beginning to bead on your forehead. "Come on, Hunter. Come on." You mutter under your breath.

A few sickening cracks comes from the Sergeant's chest and Tech adjust his goggles. "It appears you have broken his ribs."

Crosshair balls up his fists. "She just broke his what?"

Tech peers over her shoulder. "Are you sure-"

"Of course. I'm sure." You snap as you continue pressing on Hunter's chest. "I've done this. Before."

You lean down and presses your lips to Hunter's again. The brothers look on helplessly as you return to compressing Hunter's chest. Strands of hair fall into your face as you mutter under her breath.

"Come on Hunter. Breathe. Come back." You feel a pull in the Force and you reach out for it, pushing it through you into your Sergeant.

A tear falls from your face and hits Hunter's cheek and suddenly he takes a gasping breath. His brothers immediately lurch forward to be closer to him as you take your hands off him in surprise.

Hunter's eyes move frantically around him to get oriented. "Wh-what?"

He tries to sit up but you press a hand to his chest to keep him laying flat, shushing him gently, "It's okay, you're okay. Just lay still a second."

Hunter blinks. "What happened?"

You give him a weak smile. "Your heart stopped."

"That component that you fitted blew off the ship and struck you." Tech remarks. "What I don't understand is how it caused this."

You stroke a few strands of Hunter's hair and respond without moving your eyes from him. "Commotio cordis. When an object hits someone in the chest in just the right spot at just the right time in their heartbeat, it causes the heart to stop."

Wrecker's eyes widen. "That can happen?"

"It's rare, but yes." You nod as you peel the shock pack pads off of Hunter.

"That's what I get for taking my chestplate off." He says sarcastically.

A laugh escapes you as you shake your head. Hunter tries to sit up again but groans in pain and lays back down.

"I get my heart stopped, but it's working now. Does someone want to tell me why my chest hurts so bad?" He moans.

"The General broke your ribs." Crosshair says simply.

Hunter looks back at you and you make an apologetic face. "Broken ribs or death. Those were your options." You simply reply. "Bacta patches should be on the ship. Do you think you can get up or do you want us to bring one to you?"

Hunter shakes his head. "No, I'm good. I can get up."

You offer Hunter your hand and support his back with the other as he gingerly sits up. Another groan passes his lips as he stands with additional help from Crosshair. The perma-bunk in the Marauder's med bay creaks slightly as you and Crosshair sit him down on it, leaning him back on a mountain of pillows.

"I'll leave you to it, General." Crosshair says. "Try to not break anything else."

You roll your eyes as the door slides closed behind him and you move over to the med cabinet to pull out the tin of bacta patches. After fishing out the correct size, you turn around to Hunter who's watching you intently.

The bunk creaks again as you sit down on its edge. You peel the backing off the patch and gently press it over the center of Hunter's chest where you felt his ribs break. Hunter hisses at the pressure.

"I know, I'm sorry." You say, tossing the patch wrapper in the trash bin.

Hunter shakes his head. "Don't apologize. You saved my life. In the most literal way possible this time."

You give him a smile as you reach over to grab some trauma scissors off the counter. "These blacks are spent, I'm assuming you don't want them?" You say, gesturing to the his upper blacks cut straight up his chest.

He laughs, "I don't know. This could be my new look."

You roll your eyes as you cut up each sleeve, allowing the fabric to fall from Hunter's figure. He leans forward with a grimace to allow you to pull the shirt out from behind him.

"You're going to need to rest for a bit before you're back on your feet. With the bacta a couple hours should be enough." You say, standing up from the bunk. "Here, I can take your armor off to make you more comfortable."

Hunter nods his consent and you gently slide his feet out of his boots and undo the fastenings on his lower armor pieces, leaving him in just his lower blacks. You turn to leave the med bay, but Hunter grasps your wrist.

"Stay?" He asks, pleading wide eyes.

Smiling, you sit back down on the bunk and scoot in next to Hunter. He turns his body to curl into you and rests his head on your chest, breathing in your scent deeply. Your arm wraps around his back and you leans her head back to rest it on the wall behind you, closing your eyes.

Hunter's breathing slows into little puffs of air like it always does when he's sleeping. You just play with his soft curls and let Hunter's soft breathing wash over you.

He stirs for a second and mumbles something you can't quite hear.

"What was that?" You ask.

Hunter lets out a little huff of air, "Tech is never going to let this go."

You let out a giggle before pressing your lips to his forehead. "Next time, I'll work on the ship with Tech."

#star wars #the clone wars #tcw #tbb #the bad batch #the bad bath hunter #tbb hunter #bad batch #tbb oneshot #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb fanfic #sw tbb #sw tbb fanfiction #i don't know how tags work am i doing this right?

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eldritch-spouse · 2 years

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Would Bregory ever get mad at his obsession for something she did? I know he’s obsessed but… surely he has SOME boundaries… right…

Oh he does have boundaries, just not many since, as I've said, he doesn't fully understand human relationships. If Breg doesn't get something about your dynamic with him, even if it feels wrong, he's likely to let it slide under the mostly erroneous assumption that it's standard stuff for humans.

You can hit the breeder, physical violence won't be the thing that breaks his cool since he's used to it. Used to fighting basically everyone he's come in contact with until he made it out of the facility. It may not look like it under his skittish demeanor, but Breg is always alert and will react to certain gestures aggressively, it's a hardwired response born out of trauma. So, in other words, you'll get the shit unintentionally mauled out of you if you hurt him a lot. A couple of slaps, punches or kicks won't ruffle him though, even if Breg dislikes it.

Verbal abuse, while being horrific to the sensitive monster who only craves your validation, will also not shake Breg off. At most, he will seek to silence you whenever you start talking about never loving him. Insults are degrading terms are fine, just don't say you'll leave him.

Real boundaries that warrant punishment are cheating and escape attempts. The latter is self-explanatory, the breeder will be extremely upset and possibly do things he'll regret or won't be able to fix later. It is also a one-way ticket for kidnapping if you weren't hostage before.

Cheating or attempting to flirt with others will absolutely make this monster livid at you. You've never seen Breg furious until he catches you with someone else, and it's not something you can hide ever, the smell of sex and strangers on you will clue him in immediately. This proves to Breg that you are not to be trusted. That you are disappointing, that perhaps he picked the wrong human to make a mate out of. You will get severely hurt, if not killed. Finding out you've done this more than once will throw the breeder on a manic fit and he will rip you to shreds, maybe even eat parts of you in his frenzy. Cheaters are the most loathsome, slimy people out there in his eyes. If you beg for his mercy well enough, you'll get to live with a couple of broken bones and a very emotionally unstable Breg who will be very cold to you the following weeks.

His trust in you will never fully be repaired.

#Bregory

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helgabatwrittings · 3 years

Text

When your world comes crashing down don't cry

His mind kept racing between everything he had learned. It was all he could think about lately. Alya and Nino are Rena Rouge and Carapace. They know about each other. Ladybug knows that they know. Ladybug was the one who gave that secret away. Ladybug didn’t tell him. Because they must keep their identities a secret. And they all think he is annoying. That’s why Ladybug doesn’t tell him anything. Because Chat Noir is annoying, and he can’t be trusted.

AO3

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Pretending everything was okay was becoming the most strenuous task each day.

Especially when one hasn’t slept for almost a week.

A week…

A week has passed ever since Nino told him just how annoying he was. It made sense actually, the more he thought about it, the clearer it got.

Adrien was annoying, that was a fact, he has always been like that and that is why his father never wanted to spend time with him, it was why his parents have never let him go to school, they always said they were protecting him, and now Adrien knew exactly why…

They just did not want him to realise how bothersome he was.

It was why Ladybug… why she-

Prrrrr Prrrrrr Prrrrrr

The alarm interrupted his jumbled thoughts. Adrien sighed. Getting out of bed was also becoming the most strenuous task each day.

“Are you going to turn that off so I can proceed to sleep?? I was in the middle of eating this amazing piece of camembert” Plagg grumbled, his nasal voice still thick with sleep.

Adrien turned to his side and with a heavy hand, he grabbed his phone and turned off the alarm, the missed texts from Nino not going unnoticed. He just couldn’t find any strength to engage in any conversation his best friend was starting. Not that it mattered anyway, he would probably only bother him and then Nino would just get sick of him just like everyone else did. Just like Nino already had with Chat Noir. And Adrien didn’t want that. Adrien would never want that. He had lost too many people already, so he might as well try to save the few relationships he still has, even if he must keep them at arm’s length. It’s still better than nothing, right? Even if that crushing void of loneliness was growing inside him every day.

It was with an increasing effort that Adrien finally managed to get out of the bed, his limbs feeling like lead. He walked to his bathroom, not noticing the black blob staring right at him with downcast eyes and dropped ears.

After going through his usual routine, Adrien just stood in front of his mirror checking for any imperfection that might put him in trouble, like he did every day. A paler, skinnier version of himself looked right back at him with heavy dark bags under vacant eyes. His lower, chapped lip trembled slightly, but he quickly managed to get a hold of it, the same couldn’t be said for the lump that had settled itself in his throat for a couple of days now. Adrien suddenly broke eye contact and fumbling through the top drawer, without really looking at it, without really looking at anything, he finally felt the familiar shape of his concealer. And with a professional mannerism, he applied it on every imperfection, carefully moulding that sickly looking boy in the mirror into the face of the Gabriel brand.

Breakfast was, once again, all by himself, and Plagg of course, but he had to remain hidden in case anyone was to suddenly enter the dining room. For some reason, Adrien kept staring at the main door to the room, still hoping that his father would appear just to spend some time with him before school, but as usual, no one interrupted the suffocating silence that was becoming more and more unbearable each day. He even found himself hoping that Nathalie would appear, in all her stoic presence, with her tablet in hand to inform him of his schedule, even though he was perfectly aware that she was currently bedridden for some mysterious illness everyone was trying to hide from him.

He missed Nathalie, he still heard her every day through the tablet, but it wasn’t the same. At some point, his mum would only speak to him through a tablet when she got so sick she couldn’t leave her bed, and no one dared to explain to him what was happening.

The sight of his food got blurry as Adrien blinked back the tears that were threatening to escape. He took a deep shaking breath to fight the nauseating wave that crushed him. Once again, his appetite was absent, he sneaked the cheese under the table for Plagg and with that, Adrien went to the car, to start another day.

School was… School used to be the highlight of his everyday life, it was finally something Adrien had fought for and won. His first ticket to freedom. School gave him a chance to finally live in the real world, outside the four massive walls that made up his bedroom, and that for the longest time, had been his whole world. But now it just seemed pointless.

For the first time since he started attending public school, Adrien was actually feeling on edge at the idea of going there and meet his friends. His stomach was constricting itself, accentuating the ever-present nausea that had settled since that day, and the feeling seemed to worsen at each kilometre the car got closer to the building.

Do they also think Adrien is annoying? Do they also rant about him behind his back? Is that why Marinette doesn’t seem to stand being around him for too long? They have talked about it, and she assured him that they were friends. Marinette has done a lot to help him, like convincing his father to let him go to New York. But again, she does help everyone she knows. Of course, she would help him, even if she finds him annoying. Marinette is that nice.

How should he act around them? The knot on his stomach was becoming unbearable. How was it that he was feeling hot and cold at the same time? That there was this electric sensation running all over his body and making the tips of his fingers go all fuzzy, while his chest was beginning to burn as well. The lump on his throat was making it hard to breathe, no matter how much Adrien gasped for breath, it seemed that no air was reaching his lungs, which were blazing with the effort. Oh, God! Is this how he’s going to die? At the back of his father’s limo, on his way to school? His face felt wet for some reason. Was he crying? Why was he even crying?? He’s so ridiculous, crying for no reason whatsoever. This was the reason why everyone seemed to get tired of him fast, he was just an unstable mess. Why would anyone want to deal with that??

“…rien…” Adrien felt something press against his cheek.

“Adrien!” Apparently that something was Plagg. Thank goodness the divider was up so Gorilla couldn’t see the shameful pity party Adrien was throwing at the back of the car.

“C’mon kid, breathe with me…” Plagg was floating right before his eyes, taking deep exaggerated breaths so that Adrien’s sluggish mind could follow his request.

Emerald eyes connected as Adrien’s trembling breaths evolved to more stable ones. The knot on his stomach was starting to untie itself, although Adrien knew that it would never go away completely. He was used to it anyway. He blinked rapidly, successfully containing the tears that had started to leak during his episode.

“Adrien…” Plagg rarely used his name, “Maybe it’s better that you stay home, you can still ask Gorilla man to turn back…” Plagg was looking at him with concern, sad eyes and dropped ears complementing his worried expression. He hated that he was the cause of it. He hated that he was dragging everyone down with him.

He shook his head wildly, not trusting his voice to sound secure. He had to go to school. How would he even explain why he skipped school? His friends would ask, his father would ask, and he really didn’t have the energy to come up with any excuse. Adrien just had to pretend everything was alright, he was used to it, pretending was as natural as breathing for him. Even if it was becoming harder and harder each day to seem detached by everything that was happening to him lately, not that he would ever tell anyone what exactly was happening to him lately.

Shaky fingers searched through his messenger bag, looking for the small mirror he carried with him almost all the time, along with the concealer that for sure had been washed down by his ridiculous crying.

Once again, Adrien hid all his imperfections and insecurities behind a fresh layer of concealer.

“Adrien…” Nino was talking to him. When had he left the car and entered the classroom? The blackboard Miss Mendeleiev was writing on, was filled with fresh formulas, of a different subject from the last lesson. Which meant that they had already gone through the correction of homework and had started talking about a different thing. When had they done that? Adrien was in the car, having just barely recovered from a panic attack, and now he was in the middle of Physics class. The time between those two moments was lost to him.

A nudge on his left side made him flinch.

“Woah, dude, calm down, it’s me!” Nino whispered, while defensively raising his hands.

Trembling lips curved to form a shaky smile. It was the best Adrien could do for now.

Unfortunately, said smile didn’t seem to be enough to reassure Nino, as the latter raised his eyebrows in concern, silently asking Adrien if everything was okay. Adrien nodded quickly, his eyes immediately drifting to the blackboard ahead, putting an end to their silent conversation. He should try and pay attention to the lesson anyway. Physics was his favourite subject so it shouldn’t be hard. He could at least pretend to be paying attention to class. Adrien was getting sicker and sicker of pretending…

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #ml season 4 spoilers #hope you like it #tw panic attacks #depression references

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volgdemagischewinx · 3 years

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I wasn't gonna talk Fate but I saw your recent tags and- yes.

Riven was literally THE angsty character in OG winx. His character was MADE to even out how wholesome and goody everyone else was. He was a deliberate use of the "angry jerk angsty friend" trope. Some of the Winx had sad or even tragic backstories, but it is Riven who was the broody one.

So, being a trusting, faith having IDIOT I AM, I expected Fate, a "gritty remake for older audiences" to suck him dry for all the angst he has.

Not only have they bastardized his and Darcy's relationship (I'll get back to that) they also ruined his character. He was portrayed as a stupid, vapid poser, a cheery weasel, literally the only 2 times he was legit angry was when he finally fought with Sky, and when Musa read his emotions (OH I JUST GOT THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT TOO*). Other times he's chill, always cracking jokes, concerning himself with weed and memes. That is not Riven. Riven, og Riven, is angry, which is important because that's the starting point from which his character evolves (ignoring the latter seasons beating it to death).

Now, the relationship part. It's all summed up in "because you're a guy and I'm hot". OG Riven did NOT get with Darcy because she was hot. He got with her because she had manipulated him into thinking she's the only one who cares about him. She manipulated him into thinking BLOOM TRIED TO KILL HIM, AND THAT EVERYONE WAS OKAY WITH THAT. HE THOUGHT SHE SAVED HIS LIFE WHEN IT WAS HIS FRIENDS TRYING TO END IT. Then, in certain dubs, she further spells him, so he doesn't have a slimmest chance of thinking his way out of her clutches. In the dub in which he remarks on her looks, is when he's spelled into loving her. He calls her beautiful AFTER he lost all agency. That is not to say he'd otherwise think she's ugly, that's to say his beauty was never something that draw him to her. Every female character in the show is beautiful. He was never the type for skirt chasing. No matter the dub, his motivations had nothing to do with sex and Darcy was never "leading him by his dick". She led him by isolating him from his friends, ostracizing him from a support system he didn't know he had and making him think she's his only friend and that no one else cared. (Which is one of the tactics used by literal cults, so there's that. Even if he wasn't spelled, Riven, an emotionally unstable teen, was being manipulated by a person who's genetically gifted for messing with people's minds). Saying he betrayed his friends for a piece of ass is both a disservice to his character, and to Darcy. I don't think OG Darcy is above using her looks to get what she wants, but mind games are her primary thing. And it is what she enjoys. Reducing her to "p*ssy gets shit done" is offending to girlbosses everywhere, if I may be a bit cheeky here.

*And, sorry for the length, but I only realized while writing this how messed up it is for Fate to have Musa be invasive to Riven's emotions and borderline thoughts when those the exact things he had to endure with Darcy, which was a literal abusive relationship no matter how you spin it. (Even the specialists saw it, with Brandon in one of the dubs warning Riven that she wasn't his friend). And Musa, in OG never got a shortcut into understanding Riven. She BELIEVED there was good in him and she worked towards him letting her see it.

So Fate, instead of exploring the abusive relationship at hand, decided to give traits of Riven's abuser to the girl he's supposed to end up with in endgame. I also find it GROSS that they made light of S/A by having Riven pressure Sam, when they could have had a serious storyline about it with Riven and Darcy. As you and other anon said, it's just sad. She'd either completely remove his consent by spelling him, or use more mundane manipulation and pressure to push him into things he wasn't ready for. Because boys need to wait until they're ready, too, and they CAN be not ready even if there's a willing girl near them. It could have been a mature and serious and grim storyline that treats the painful subject with respect, but what did we get instead? Predator Riven.

Crikey.

Nothing to add here anon. You're right they did our boy dirty

#tho i am gonna be That Person and say I would have been extremely critical of them following the route of those dubs in any adaptation #an american company throwing something in in a dub does not make it part of the source material #and fate already americanized everything too much #somewhat related: this is also why it's dumb when people complain about fate!bloom not knowing she's adopted #fate has no rights but that's accurate to the source material #sorry i do have to occassionally be a salty european about this #winx club #fate the winx saga #netwinx critical #winx riven #ask wave #anon

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franniebanana · 3 years

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 22

It feels so good to see these two together, talking about old times, and most importantly, not arguing. It's as if this was the conversation that was meant to happen back in Yiling, but it didn't because emotions were too high. I guess it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Wei Wuxian has time to think about and come to the understanding that Lan Wangji isn't fighting him, but instead showing concern. And Lan Wangji gets to hear Wei Wuxian's side of the story, about what he did those three months in the Burial Grounds. It's so refreshing to have this release after so much tension had built up, where the two of them are just open and honest with each other. And you can see how Wei Wuxian's relationship with Lan Wangji is different from his relationship to everyone else. While we get to see him being vulnerable with Jiang Yanli, he won't tell her everything; we see him connecting with Jiang Cheng again, but as is his temperament, Jiang Cheng is often flippant and dismissive, and only really cares that Wei Wuxian is back within the Jiang Clan fold. Lan Wangji really cannot be satisfied until he knows what's been going on; he wants to be reassured that Wei Wuxian is okay in both mind and body, he wants to know that he's not gone to the dark side per se.

And this moment is so pivotal here. Now that they've finally talked and gotten everything out that they've both been ruminating on over the past however long (idk timelines lol), Wei Wuxian is in a place where he can say he'll accept Lan Wangji's help. Wei Wuxian doesn't agree to it begrudgingly, but I think it's a hopeless agreement. Unless you know about his lack of a Golden Core, his response seems odd--maybe you think he's tired, maybe you think he's just doing it to appease Lan Wangji, but is being dishonest. With the knowledge of the transfer, you can see that he is agreeing to appease Lan Wangji, but not in a lazy or dishonest way: he knows that he can never learn the sword again, but he allows Lan Wangji to at least help him with his temperament. I don't think it's him agreeing to get Lan Wangji off his back, I think instead he's letting Lan Wangji know how important he is to Wei Wuxian--he's special.

After Wei Wuxian agrees to letting Lan Wangji help, he walks away smiling. He doesn't let Lan Wangji see it either. I feel that he's indescribably happy that with so many changes in his life, he has his relationship with Lan Wangji back--he has his best friend, he has someone who he can trust. And remember, he's not concerned about his temperament being overwhelmed--Wei Wuxian has always considered himself a prodigy, so while this is challenging, he believes that what he learned from the Gusu Lan Clan is enough. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, is still very concerned, and he devotes all of his free time to figuring out ways to help Wei Wuxian, to steady his mind and temperament.

So, while I'm watching this filler, I'm imagining a terrible scenario they could have done. When you're adapting a book or a play or really anything, it's not uncommon to add scenes, right? CQL has plenty of added scenes for context and padding, plus shit they just made up. Okay, so this would fall into the latter category. Imagine if they had had Lan Wangji get turned into a puppet/Urukai, and then there's some big, dramatic way that Wei Wuxian has to save him and turn him back, and it only brings them closer together as brothers in arms/whatever bs they were trying to sell us without making it romantic. Sounds like a terrible idea, right? Aren't you glad the writers had enough integrity and respect for the novel that they didn't do that? I complain about things that were added or changed as well, but if they had given me an actual explicit acknowledgment of wangxian love, I would have been happy. Of course, censorship is a bitch, so that's a no go. The point of this is that it could have been a lot worse.

Oh, god. Soup drama. Thank you to that person who posted the soup drama in Lan Wangji's POV. You are amazing, and that post always makes me cackle.

Ah, but this is canon to the novel if I remember correctly. It's totally valid and is actually kind of sad for Yanli, but I still think it's hilarious the way Wei Wuxian just takes off like a shot without knowing what's going on. The thing is, Jiang Yanli is just embarrassed about the whole thing and wants to leave, but of course Wei Wuxian wants revenge. He still harbors no love for Jin Zixuan, and any chance he gets to put the peacock in his place, he'll take.

Yanli is tugging on him with both hands, and Wei Wuxian doesn't move. He is just standing there, glaring at Jin Zixuan. There are two people in the world who Wei Wuxian will defend forever: Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji--and Jin Zixuan has just offended one of them. Wei Wuxian is beyond pissed. And now couple that with how he was trapped in a sunless graveyard for three months, has been doing nothing but fighting since he's been out, and is using his spiritual power in a dangerous and unstable method. His mood, my friends, is not great right now.

I love how Lan Wangji looks inside the tent, and then proceeds to immediately nope out of there. I blame that soup drama post for everything that I see now, because it really does look like he's just thinking, "Ugh, soup drama again." But in all seriousness, I think this is just Lan Wangji feeling awkward again. I think he came out of genuine concern for Jiang Yanli, because remember Wei Wuxian took off without even hearing what was going on, but when he sees that it's clearly a matter between her and Jin Zixuan, he leaves. This isn't his business, and it also involves romance, because of course he remembers how they were betrothed until the fight broke out in Cloud Recesses. Regardless of how Lan Wangji carries himself and how he's so respected as a cultivator, he's still a young man, who still feels awkward about the idea of love and doesn't really want to be around any of it--lovers' quarrels and whatnot.

The other thing is, they don't pan over to Lan Wangji for no reason. Perhaps he's still remembering the conversation he had with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng back in Yiling: this is a Jiang Clan affair. And this time, he's choosing to bow out when he realizes it isn't his business. However, he doesn't want to go far, because he knows how dangerous Wei Wuxian really is, especially if he loses his cool.

Honestly, Jin Zixuan is such a dick here. Every time I think he's made progress, he takes a step backward. Jiang Yanli is the sweetest person, and is just giving him soup every day to provide him with some comfort. We're to understand that she is a good cook and her soup is The Best, so she wants to do something nice for him, perhaps bring him the comfort of home in the place that is farthest from home, and he practically throws it back in her face. It's a total misunderstanding, but my heart breaks for her. And after this moment, Jin Zixuan starts to try harder. I think he finally sees who she is, what kind of person she is, and understands how genuine and loving she has always been. He finally opens his eyes and gets to know her as a person, not as the girl he's engaged to, not as the girl he was engaged to, not as the girl his parents want him to marry--but as the girl who he's interested in.

Not a lot to talk about this episode. I swear, half of it is just fighting. But let's take a moment to appreciate Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji fighting together. I am a sucker for this sort of thing, so I love seeing Lan Wangji swoop in and knock a baddie's sword out of the way to protect Wei Wuxian. It feels good seeing that and seeing them on the same side, fighting together.

Wei Wuxian tried it their way. He tried to fight without using Chenqing, but the fight was impossible. As stated before, the puppets are unkillable, so there was no way to win just by fighting them, and obviously what Nie Mingjue was doing wasn't helping. The only way to survive at this point was to try and control the puppets into working against Wen Ruohan. There's a shot of Lan Wangji before this, where he looks concerned, but I think he even knows that they had no other choice.

This was a short one, sorry! But really, I'm not going to babble about nothing. So much fighting and not a lot of dialogue or other things really happened. We're just getting through major plot points right now to be honest.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

#wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #cql #the untamed #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #ep 22 #cql rewatch

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akajustmerry · 2 years

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i think something is wrong with me; after watching another earth and the oa, i wanted to watch sound of my voice, but i just finished it, and all i could think about was: i dont think brit marling believes in therapy. and now i (who has been in and out of therapy for a few years because of my anxiety and possible ocd) am just feeing dumb and stupid and anxious for doing it. i think i made a mistake

hi!

first of all, you're basing that assumption about brit from the art she has made. not only do we not know whether that is actually something she believes. but everything she's ever made has been a collaboration with zaal as well as the dozens of others that are involved in these productions. the art isn't just representitive of britt, but of everyone involved including the actors, producers and editors. art is rarely representitive of one person, even if it appears that way. so, you don't know how she actually feels about therapy.

secondly, even if you feel that britt advocates for not taking therapy in her work, that doesn't mean she's right. britt marling is just an artist she's not a medical professional. all she can advocate for, if she advocates anything, is her personal opinion based on her specific experiences - all of which are only applicable to her. therapy may not have been helpful for her and that may come through in her work, but that is only HER experience. one person in 7 billion.

thirdly, yes, therapy isn't for everyone, but it is for some. for every person therapy has helped, there's an equal amount it hasn't. the reasons it works and doesn't work are different for everyone. i am a huge advocate for therapy and would never encourage anyone to abandon it unless it genuinely wasn't working for you. if you feel therapy isn't for you, i strongly advise you to discuss that feeling with a professional because they're the ones with the capacity to give you alternatives to therapy, or adjust your current treatment plan.

finally, britt marling and her funky little stories about people who don't trust therapy is not the equivolent of either a professional opinion, or an informed opinion about you or your mental health. its a story. i'm sorry its made you feel dumb and stupid about your personal choices. it's okay if the story has made you reflect on whether or not therapy has helped you, but please do not feel bad about seeking help when you needed it. do not feel bad because an artist who updates instagram once every 3 years has made u feel that way. you made the decisions the best you could at the time, nothing more or less.

also, i am not sure if you're the same anon whose been messaging about the oa. but please stop watching britt's work if its making you feel this unstable, unsure and generally bad about yourself. i mean it. stop watching it. there's a difference between art that challenges you and art that triggers you. if its the latter, step away from it.

wishing you all the best ❤️

#anon

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punksarahreese · 3 years

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I don't know what I need + Marcy (marjan/nancy)

Need | Aftermath

PTSD!AU; after Tim’s death, Nancy has trouble even beginning to understand what she feels and Marjan wants to help

Prompt: “I don’t know what I need”

Word count: 1746

CW: Talk of death, allusion to the start of Nancy’s PTSD, crying

***

Paul had finally gone home, after their sparring match led to tears and comfort. When Marjan couldn’t hold herself up anymore, the weight of her grief too much, he had taken her in his arms no question. After a moment, he lowered them to the floor, holding Marjan as they both wept because punching couldn’t dispel as many feelings as crying did. They had stayed like that for a while, on the floor of the gym just trying to cope. It hurt because neither of them wanted to go home, home meant being alone with their thoughts and the reality of things. They had both left everything behind when they came to Austin, so their only support system in that moment was each other.

Still, they would have to go home eventually and it was getting rather late. After Paul had left to go take a quick shower, Marjan decided she would head home. She collected her things mindlessly, the only thing she could really think of was why. Why Tim? Why now? Why this way? It was all too much, made her question too many things about this line of work and the universe itself, and Marjan wanted nothing more than to sleep off the endless questions.

Marjan needed some time, she assumed, to properly process this. She would go home and she would pray, she would keep Tim in her thoughts and hope he finds an afterlife he deserves. She would help with the funeral and memorial set up, of course she would, but it would feel weird. She was struggling to come to terms with it and she knew it would be even worse for the others.

For those who knew him, had more time to spend getting to know him. They were becoming friendly, when the EMTs started spending more time around everyone during off hours, but she didn’t know much about him. He was selfless, kind, maybe a bit sarcastic; but he was a good EMT. He wanted to help people and he strived to do that, even at the risk of a reprimand.

Marjan knew this but she didn’t know him, not really. She didn’t know about his hometown, his favourite things, or what he did in his free time. She didn’t know that he had a partner back in Maryland, one who was waiting for their Masters program to end so they could move to Austin and be with Tim. She didn’t even know that he had a cat or that he had moved so far away to join the 126, risking so much for this job; just like she and Paul had.

There was one person who knew all of this. One person who knew Tim way better than the rest of the crew. Nancy had been absolutely wrecked when she realized what had happened. Marjan would never unhear those terrified screams, the way her friend’s hands flew to her mouth in disbelief and how Tommy had to hold her back. She was sobbing when they pulled her away, begging them to let her save him. She had to know there was nothing left, he was gone the second that fireball hit him, but Nancy didn’t want to admit it. Admitting it would mean she lost her best friend and the crew knew she couldn’t do that; not yet.

Maybe she would call Nancy later, once she got home and showered away the soot and sorrow of the day. Marjan ought to check in with her, she thought; she wasn’t sure if Nancy would have anyone during all of this and she shouldn’t have to be alone.

She was just passing the ambulance bay when a sound caught her attention. She thought her mind was playing tricks at first but after a second she figured it out. Her eyes travelled up to the source, Nancy was sitting on the bench in the back of the ambulance, her face hidden in her hands and her body wracking with sobs. She was hunched over painfully, as if she was trying to disappear into herself, and Marjan’s heart felt like it would break right then and there. She was hurting, probably more than any of them were, and she had no one to turn to in her worst moment.

Marjan didn’t think much of it as she dropped her bags, letting them clatter to the floor. The sound made Nancy look up, her cheeks darkening a bit as she realized she’d been caught. It was embarrassing, how she had no control over her emotions, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t speak when Marjan hoisted herself up into the rig too. They stayed silent, even when the other woman sat down beside her and looked at her expectantly.

She wanted to ask if she was okay, the unspoken question hanging in the heavy air, but it never came out. There was no point; she knew Nancy wasn’t okay. None of this was and it wouldn’t be okay for a long time, that was just the harsh reality of it all.

Instead, Marjan just nudged her knee gently with her own, opening her arms, “C’mere, Nanc.”

Nancy only hesitated for a second before she accepted the hug, melting into the comfort because it was all she could do. Marjan always gave good hugs, strong ones that made one feel like they were more protected than they ever could be. It was soothing but Nancy was already overwhelmed, so maybe it was the gentle affection that had her harshly sobbing again.

It was a needed moment of vulnerability, a chance for her to let go over everything and just feel properly. Marjan knew that and she didn’t press at all, she just held the other woman close and hoped she could provide some comfort. Her sobs were heartbreaking and she couldn’t imagine the amount of pain she was in at that moment. Tim had been her best friend as far as everyone knew, certainly her closest colleague, and this whole situation was terrifying. She would hurt for a while, they all would, but Marjan knew this might impact Nancy’s life forever.

“Nancy,” she spoke as she rubbed her back gently, “I’ve got you.”

“H-he’s…” she interrupted herself with a little gasp for air, “He’s r-really gone, M-Marjan.”

“I know, I’m so sorry.”

They lapsed back into silence, save for the sound of crying and the occasional sniffle as she tried to calm herself down. There were no more comforting words to be said, none that would be helpful or unheard before anyway. Marjan just held the other woman in her arms, knowing the slumped over position would become uncomfortable after a while. She would stay for as long as Nancy needed, though, because it was the least she could do.

It was the latter who broke the silence again, after she roughly swiped at the tears sliding down her cheeks, “You… you can go, M-Mar. I d-don’t want to keep you h-here so late.”

“Nancy, you know I can’t leave you like this,” she replied immediately, “The least I can do is make sure you aren’t alone.”

“But-”

“Unless you wanted to be,” Marjan added as an afterthought, “What do you need right now?”

Nancy couldn’t even begin to think of an answer to that. She needed that day to be all a dream, she needed her best friend to be alive and safe. No one could turn back time, though, and at the end of the day Tim would still be dead and she would be the last original member of the 126 EMS team. It was alienating and she knew work would be painful for a long time. Everyone would look at her in pity for weeks, not to mention how much more real it would become when they eventually had to replace him. She couldn’t focus on the present, not with the future being so uncertain, and she certainly couldn’t think about herself when her best friend died that day.

“I don’t-” she sighed shakily, “I don’t k-know what I need. I can’t-”

“Hey, it’s okay. Is there any way I can help? Even just for right now?”

Nancy looked up at Marjan, seeing no real pity in her eyes. Instead she was sad, clearly, but she didn’t look at Nancy like an unstable, injured animal like everyone else did. Marjan wanted to help like she always did, it was in her nature, and this was no different. Who was Nancy to deny a friend in this time when that’s what she needed the most?

“I-I don’t wanna… I don’t think I can be alone tonight…”

Marjan wanted to cry at the admission because she just sounded so broken, like even the thought of saying it out loud made her ashamed. Nancy was always helping people and keeping them safe but she had trouble asking for it herself. She needed a support system, Marjan realized, probably way more than she would ever let on.

“Okay,” Marjan gave her another gentle hug, “Would you like to stay at my place? You’re always welcome, you know that.”

“You’re sure?” Nancy didn’t want to intrude, much less overstep in any way. Her and Marjan were friends, yes, but she wasn’t sure how far that friendship went. She never knew where she stood in the crew, to be honest, and it made situations like this a bit awkward for Nancy.

“Of course, Nanc,” she nodded, “Whatever you need.”

It took a little more coaxing before Nancy felt ready to leave, even though she knew she desperately needed to be away from the station for a bit. It felt like she would be leaving Tim behind again, just like they did when they left the scene without him earlier. She didn’t mind when Marjan took her hand to lead her to her car, though, nor did she protest the way she helped her into the passenger seat. Taking care of people was how the other woman coped and Nancy knew that, plus maybe it was okay to surrender to the comfort for once. She trusted Marjan and knew being with her that night would help keep the thoughts at bay, even if it was just for the first day.

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nientedal · 4 years

Text

So, the JKR bullshit.

She has published one book with a dangerous, unstable trans lady trying to kill the protagonist. Now she has announced another book, this one featuring a serial killer cis man who dresses as a (muslim!) woman in order to stalk his victims.

(What the fuck muslims have to do with all this, I don't know. The scenario wasn't fucked enough so she added Islamophobia to the mix, I guess? Hey, great job, JK. Really knocked this one out of the park.)

But like, she's been going on for a while about this whole "trans women are scary - oh I mean, er, men? in dresses? men in dresses are scary! Trans women are cool though, totally, except I don't actually think they're women at all even if they are trans and not just confused." And I have been sitting here sort of vibrating with rage about this, but... I've also been very confused about just how hard she seems to be pushing. She's obsessed. I don't get it. How does one person go this hard on their hatred whole still denying they hate anyone? How does that not cause any cognitive dissonance?

Well, I went back and read the essay she posted back in January, and a few things jumped out at me, but what I think everything boils down to is: "I'm scared of men due to past trauma and I believe my fear is justified. Also, I don't think people can be trusted to know their own realities." (but I think the latter point may be a red herring; or, if genuine, it takes a serious back seat.)

She mentions an "avalanche of emails and letters...which were positive, grateful and supportive...from a cross-section of kind, empathetic and intelligent people...who’re all deeply concerned about...dangers to young people, gay people and about the erosion of women’s and girl’s rights" after and while the Twitter stuff went down. Also, she says one of her early "cancellations" was due to her following (and contacting) Magdalen Berns, a terminally ill lesbian feminist and "a great believer in the importance of biological sex, [who] didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises."

So basically - she was already casually bigoted on a bunch of fronts (that much has been evident for a while), but on trans issues specifically...she opened herself intentionally to the TERF community, and they supported and empathized with her in a time when she was being harassed and re-traumatized on Twitter. She said in her essay that she believes we're living in a more misogynistic time than ever before. It's evident that she feels her fears are being confirmed everywhere she turns, and instead of asking "am I right to be afraid?" she's saying "because I am afraid, there is something to be afraid of."

This passage is, I think, the meat of it:

She tips her hand when she says "any man who believes or feels he's a woman" instead of "anyone who says they're a woman." She claims to fear cis men who lie & take advantage, but she does not think trans women can be trusted, either.

Lack of trust is a running theme throughout the essay, by the way: she believes that without a long and arduous pre-transition vetting process, no one - not even trans people - can really be sure a person is transgender. They'll want to detransition, they'll regret their decision, lose their dysphoria, they're autistic and confused, they're girls who want to be boys to escape misogyny. Blah blah blah trans people can't be trusted to know their experiences and shouldn't be allowed to decide what kind of care they need.

And I'm pissed.

But yeah, this is where that book is coming from. And the really hilarious (read: infuriating) thing about this is, she has completely fucking ignored the fact that if a cis man wanted to hunt women while dressing as one, there was already nothing stopping him. He could do that in the 1960s, the 1880s, 600CE, 5700BCE, whenever. No one is standing at the bathroom door checking to see who's got a vulva and who doesn't. Men can and do assault women in bathrooms already, without ever dressing up as one. Jo? Hey, Jo? Men don't need to dress up in order to hurt women. You absolute goddamned moron.

Anyway. She's scared and trying to justify it, and I get that, I really do, but it's not helpful or rational and writing this nonsense is not going to make her feel any better. It's only going to hurt people. I know she has been abused and assaulted and that maybe makes her vulnerable to her fear and to the suggestion that she's right to be afraid, but - wow, I'm ever so fucking sorry - I do not give a rat's patoot. She has preemptively burned every ounce of goodwill she might otherwise have received from me. She didn't deserve what happened to her, but she needs to reevaluate her trauma and get better therapy; she is holding the world responsible for the fear that lives inside her, the fear she can't let go of, and she is hurting people. In this case, she was met with what she saw as abuse and instead of just saying "I don't deserve this level of vitriol, but wow I seem to have pissed off an awful lot of people; maybe I'm missing something," she ran to look for why she might not deserve it (no one deserves abuse, ever, full stop; looking for a reason you don't deserve it only implies that circumstances exist under which you would deserve it) and why everyone yelling at her might be Wrong and Bad and Abusive. And then, just to be sure, she invented a reason that fit her fear and wrote a book about it to prove her fear was real and rational.

Her fear is real, book or no book. But it is not rational. If a man wants to prey on women in bathrooms, he can do so right now. If someone begins to transition and goes "hey wait this isn't for me," that's on them. That's nobody else's lookout. That is not her fucking responsibility to worry about or gatekeep.

And let's get something straight: I'm not saying this is Twitter's fault for yelling at her. I am not saying she deserves sympathy and a free pass. I'm making an observation about what I think she saw and reacted to. Twitter didn't give her that reaction; she reacted all by herself; she's a racist transphobe who refuses to entertain the merest notion that she might be a racist transphobe, and that is on her!!! She's fucked up and she's bound and determined to fuck everyone else up, too. I am ALSO not saying this is a recent development or totally unforeseeable; she wrote plenty of shitty shit into Harry Potter too, including but not limited to:

Cho Chang's name

Someone infected with a thinly-veiled metaphor for HIV intentionally infecting children with it

House elves: slaves who enjoy being enslaved

The Gringotts goblins

The entire Wizarding world treating sentient non-humans as lesser beings and...never really questioning this. Some of the characters think that's a bit fucky, but the narration is just kinda fine with it.

So like, I am absolutely not defending her or calling for sympathy towards her! She was already merrily skipping in this direction with her fingers in her ears, chanting la-la-la, and has been for a while. But the above points could be examples of unthinking, unquestioning biases and prejudices, if only because they aren't the point of those novels the way "men r scary!" seems to be the point of this one.

I don't think she was radicalized then the way she seems to be, now. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Unfortunately the one thing JKR has been consistently good at over the years is never admitting fault, ever; I am CERTAIN people tried to talk to her about those things, and I am certain she did not and does not care. Also, her pen-name, Robert Galbraith, is a direct reference to Robert Galbraith Heath, one of the fathers of conversion therapy; she is not acting in good faith, here.

But yeah. If you're wondering where the hell all this particular nonsense is coming from - here it is. My take, anyway. It is coming from her fear of men, plus her total inability to entertain the idea that she might be wrong about something. She's scared of men who want to hurt women and she sees them everywhere she turns, and she sees trans women as an opportunity for wolves to wear sheep's clothing. And she will never, no matter how polite we are, revise that or turn away from the comfortable world she lives in, where she's afraid but always right.

So we might as well just keep screaming. The louder you are, the harder it is for bigots to talk over you, and speaking softly to bullies has never stopped any bully I've ever met. And I do not know what to call someone who picks Robert Fucking Galbraith as their pseudonym except a bully and a bigot.

As for what else to do about it...I don't know. I don't know that there's anything that will actually get results. Writing to her publishers and distributors might help. I saw one post that suggested we all hype this book up so the publishers print more copies, and then we don't buy them, causing a giant loss. That makes sense enough to me but I'm not sure how to swing it.

I really don't know. I'm just angry and throwing my two cents into the void, here. I was angry and confused before, so I went looking for answers, and now I'm just fucking angry. I don't know if that's better, but it is what it is.

#jkr #jkr cw #panic! at the discourse #quiet dal nobody asked you #dal is a rage demon #i am also Tired #in addition to Angry #please excuse typos I'm on mobile and my hand is broken #always be open to the possibility that you might be wrong #but also always be willing to stick to your guns #this is how you strike a balance between ''too close-minded'' and ''too suggestible''#also don't let other people tell you what guns to stick to #add transcript later

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3norachas · 5 years

Text

irremediable • lee know (IIII)

« irremediable - not able to be repaired or corrected »

— lee know x reader

— maleficent au, fluff, angst, enemies to lovers

— major angst ohohoho, a lil minsung bc I'm desperate, typos probably, minho is depressed, seungmin has a lil crush on y/n, I kind of switch from different point of views so bare with me pls

masterlist

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 5

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

"Sounds great," Minho didn't even need to look at Jisung to know he's worried. The emptiness was there, in his chest and eyes. He stared up at the gate of the castle, sat beside a large tree near the bridge, wondering which room you're in.

It's been three days since you fell into an eternal sleep, and nothing can be worse than the fact that Minho can’t do anything about it.

Even as you're unconscious from his own curse.

"We need to get out of here before they see us."

"That sounds great, too."

Jisung frowns at the nonchalance in his voice. Ever since the princess fell into her eternal sleep, the palace have never been more guarded than ever at the thought that the evil man himself would show up to rub their lost on their face.

But it seems that he was more affected than them.

"She's alone there, 'Sung."

He murmured under his breath, but the said man heard it crystal clear. He heard the pain in Minho's voice and it brought up the fact that Minho's never been in this state other than the time that he had to endure the death of both is parents. He sat beside the warlock, letting the man lean on him for support.

"I can't imagine how dark it must be for her, wherever Y/n is."

Jisung wince at the crack in his voice, looking down at the vulnerable man beside him. Minho's eyes were glassy, but there was no glint of emotion in them.

"We need to go home, Minho."

"Home is the girl inside that castle."

Jisung sighed, taking Minho's hand to pull him up. Much to his surprise, the warlock didn't even resist for he was too weak and emotionally unstable to fight off. He started to pull the man away but as he turn back, he's met with the eyes of a purple fairy.

"Seungmin," Jisung pushed Minho behind him.

The said fairy has his eyes on the warlock, his eyes unreadable but in his hands were some keys. He took a few steps forward to the pair, his hands offering the keys.

“Is this a joke to you?” Jisung grunts, staring hard at the keys and up to the fairy’s eyes.

“No,” his eyes cast down on the floor, “But I know you can fix this, Minho.”

The latter laughed sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief, but his eyes were on the keys. He may not be able to save you, but he really wants to see you before he gives up all hope.

“It’s useless.”

“I know, but you want to see her, right?”

Minho scrunch his face in confusion when Seungmin smiled. He doesn’t know whether he’s tricking him to go inside and meet his death, although that doesn’t sound too bad for him, or if he’s being genuine and really wanted to help him.

“You love her, right?”

“How are you even calm? Wasn’t I the reason she’s in this state?”

“Your love for her is enough for me to trust you, besides, you took care of her when she was young, right?”

“So you knew?”

“Doesn’t really matter. I’m giving you the chance to give it a try, so if I were you, I’d take these damn keys that I spent hours on trying to get and go to the back entrance, up stairs to the highest room or so help me god, I’m going to make you both eat my purple dusts.”

Jisung groans in disgust, “That’s not really necessary.”

Minho takes the keys, his desire to see Y/n overtaking the fact that there's a big chance that he'll get caught and might, definitely, get killed. The chances of him saving Y/n was low, but even the smallest percent was enough to make him drag a whiny Jisung with him to the very back of the castle, Seungmin leading.

"Can you shut your pet up because I'm this close to exposing you."

"Fucking fairies' moody attitudes."

Minho paid little attention to the bantering of the two, until the trio reached the hidden back door of the castle.

"I'll let you go alone, you'll see the stairs ahead, make sure the one you're going to has two unconscious guards," Seungmin pushed the door open.

"Do I even want to know if the guards are alive or not."

"I'm going to cut off your squirrel tail if you don't shut up."

Jisung ended up turning into a squirrel in fear, perched on Minho's shoulder.

"Thank you, Seungmin."

"Anything to save Y/n," he nods to the door, before stepping away from them to who knows where. Minho starts to head in the castle, his eyes glowing green to provide him light in the dark hallways.

"Fairies are scary when mad," Jisung whimpers.

"Well then don't get in their nerves."

It took Minho a while to find the unconscious guards Seungmin was talking about and the walk across the hallway was very long. He even have to sneak pass a few servants and guards, before he eventually found the stairs. And to Jisung's relief, the guards were pretty much alive, just unconscious.

The walk up the stairs was long and tiring jisung is complaining the whole time and he wasn't even walking, but Minho knew it's worth it. He was going to see her, even though he knew it would only hurt him to see her unresponsive from the curse. His heart was thumping from adrenaline, his knees begin to wobble a little with every step he takes and whether it's from how tired he was or the fact that he's getting closer and closer to you, he knew it's from the latter.

It felt like years before he got to the door of the room you're in.

His hands were a little bit shaky, forget that, his hands were literally trembling. His keeps fumbling with the keys, his hands kept on making mistakes as he searches the right one and he thought, why the hell did he forgot to ask Seungmin which one is the key to your room.

"Minho, take a deep breath."

He almost forgot that Jisung's with him and the presence of his friend was enough to calm him down even for a bit.

"What happens if I fail?"

"You won't."

He wonders if Jisung was telling the truth. This was his only chance of saving you and if he fails to do so, he'd die doing nothing to save you. The door made a clicking sound and his nervousness sky rocketed.

Jisung jump off his shoulder.

He pushes the door open and took a few steps inside.

"Y/n..."

He stares at your figure on the bed, like he always does when you sleep, but the difference is you're actually sleeping forever. His feet takes him close to where you lie, sitting on the edge of your bed. He can tell you're alive with how your chest rises and falls, but he remembered that there's a chance that you'll stay like that forever.

"Even in this kind of state you still managed to look beautiful.”

He pushes the stray hairs off your forehead and with a shaky exhale, the tears swell in his eyes, his cold trembling hands intertwines itself with yours.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry that you have to go through this.”

He breathes in, his eyes loving how the moon light reflects on your skin and making a halo around your hair, the warmth that radiates from your cheeks, your eyelashes that sits on top of your under eyes, your calm intake and exhale of air, and finally his eyes fell on your lips. With the hope that you’d wake up, he leans down, tears falling on the skin of your cheeks and he rest his forehead on yours.

“I love you.”

He whispers, before his lips connect with yours, soft and timid, with the fear that you’d break he if press any harder.

And it dawned to him, that he was not living in a fairy tale where everyone has a happily ever after and not every villain gets to undo their mistakes.

yes motherfucker it's the end and minho died im such a great person

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ask-the-friendly-red-cyborg · 5 years

Note

I'd love to know more about your characters, but I don't know where to start with questions. ;v; Could you tell us a few facts about each of them we might not know? 'v'

((I think I'll do a quick recoup for everyone, as the blog has been around for more than 2 years already, and some story bits are quite far in the past - so beware of a really long post

Fukase, nicknamed by this here fool of the mun Red Boi

He's a V class cyborg of F558.x build, with the lower case x pointing that his build was experimental. In his case, the experiment was in creating a possible spy build with extra adaptive abilities, and to achieve this the DNA was spliced with some cephalopods and who knows what. The results left the DNA unstable, leaving the build with a chance of undergoing permanent changes in their bodies under high stress. But on a positive note, their natural regeneration is outstanding, but kinda hindered by the wrong setup of the regeneration system. In general, there were quite a few programming errors, as it was seemingly decided last minute as to which manufacturers were going to finalise their production and what are the final class they were to be.

Prior to his synchronisation, he was a performer with Yamaha on one of a rather sparsely populated planets. He had an accident during one of performances when the building caught on fire but his system failed to respond in any way, leaving him inside before his absence was noticed. He recovered quickly due to his natural regeneration, but the programmed block of regeneration on the left side of his body left him with burn marks and a need for his left eye to be replaced with an artificial one. (When the spacecraft he's currently on got into a star storm - akin to solar storms here, - his system shut down, allowing the natural regeneration to take over and heal the scars)

After synchronisation, he lived on his own, sometimes travelling to join a friendly Miku in performances when she asked him to.

When he checked in with the scientist overseeing the experiment, due to his regeneration failing he was written off as the final failure in the 558.x project and sent off to the main base of operations to be disposed of, but he was told it was so that he'd be treated for this. F112 caught it and sent him coordinates where they could meet up, since then Fukase has been travelling on the cargo space ship with him, officially not becoming a member of the crew, though.

Personality-wise, he's just a cinnamon roll, with the downside being he's the worst at keeping secrets. He's a guy to say something like "so and so hates this, but they told me not to tell anyone ever", and only then realise he's said something wrong. Other than such slip ups, he's very attentive to others, and might be surprisingly serious and insightful on some issues.

He hasn't had much life experience, and is pretty excited about anything new he learns about, and always tends to point out the best in people and situations. Unless it's him, as he's a bit self-conscious, especially about his unhealthily thin appearance, which leads to him exclusively wearing oversized clothes, especially thick sweaters.

F112, or Shitsui, or pretty much any way you want to address him (just not Fukase)

He's quite old for a cyborg, being one of the first V class cyborgs to use the second generation CPU that could interact with the brain leading to the "synchronisation", or a cyborg gaining self awareness and personality.

As it was back in the day when cyborgs were viewed as just a cheaper alternative to androids, he was bought, privately owned and treated like a life sized doll for the first 3 years of his life, till his physical and cybernetic systems gave up, and he was taken for dead and quite literally dumped.

He managed to survive by consuming spoiled food found at the dumpster. With him having no sense of taste, his food preferences haven't changed much.

He managed to get away from the centre of the human civilisation here by hiding on different ships going anywhere but just far away. He managed to hack his system, delete most of his programming and "not necessary" databases (which leads to him not being able to talk on mundane topics without using technical terms or rather general words, or results in him not being able to process a question) and installed what he deemed to be useful: weapons, combat and technology related databases.

He went on to work with some space pirates, then with bounty hunters, after working with one specific team on catching a dangerous criminal of one of the alien races he, as well as all members of the team, got full citizenship from that race as a thanks. This made him able to get an id and find a job that doesn't involve risking his life on the daily...

At least, he thought so, as the cargo ship he works on currently is prone to malfunctioning, especially its navigation system, which poses a risk of getting totally not where intended when making a wormhole jump, and getting stranded in the midst of unknown time and space without the chance of recharging the wormhole generator. And being the mainframe maintenance and general techy guy, he's the one who knows the most about how much trouble it actually means.

Before finding this seemingly safe job he found himself on the same planet where Fukase lived, right after the latter got synchronised, received his check and apartment from Yamaha and was literally thrown into the world he wasn't used to and knew nothing about. F112 got a place to live for a time, Fukase got a rather sceptical source of information about the world, both got someone to trust in each other. For the more comfortable and convenient communication, F112 set up a direct channel between the two of them, which he actually never took down and sometimes used to check on Fukase. One of such checks coinsided with Fukase being told to go to the HQ, which made F112 really passionately reach out to him and explain the real danger, giving also the coordinates of the nearest stop where they could meet up.

Shitsui is understandably not a fan of humans, but is quite patient with anyone else, and feels a sort of kinship with any other cyborgs, or robots, androids and in general anything possessing AI (which lead to him befriending the ship's AI whom he calls Mathilda, and to him trying to strike a conversation with household appliances if he senses any trace of AI in them). He has a bit of a pet peeve against people not doing their job properly, as he's seen it backfire terribly too many times. He has extreme sensitivity to the touch, easily getting overwhelmed by a lot of textures, and as a result wears clothes that cover his whole body, including gloves which he takes off just when feeling extremely secure (read it as "when alone with Red Boi"). Outside of other cyborgs or AI possessing beings, has hard time trusting and opening up.

Himitsu (the name given by Fukase for his secretive nature prior to erasure of his personality matrix)

Spy class cyborg, as such - was going to be disposed of prior to synchronisation (shady military dealings), but because of the brain activity heavy tasks he got to perform, got synchronised beforehands, and escaped with his life - but lost an arm after being shot with a blaster and having his system switched off to avoid being directly commanded to return. By the time he got far enough away that he thought it safe to turn his systems on, the wound was so far gone that the regeneration system deemed it irreparable and cut it off from the rest of the system to avoid spread of infection, causing it to separate.

Being an army intelligence cyborg, he was transported between the missions mostly in the state of hibernation under a specific hibernation agent which was deactivated with an antidote when he needed to be awakened. Due to the use of those, he's unable to fall asleep, unless his body completely shuts down for literal 15 minutes once in a while, which causes him to be moody and sleep deprived 24/7 and as a result transforms slight amount of spice his personality naturally has into him being a SASSquatch.

Found out about the other two after casually reading through the army archives on cyborgs, decided to try and find them, first watched them from afar and then approached. As he was a spy class cyborg, he was properly screened from giving off any electronic signals that could've exposed him as a cyborg, which he offered to trade for removing any controls he had built in. As his last intelligence mission had his cover as an engineer, he was also offered a place as a ship's tech, and does his best to whip it to shape and help pressure the captain into realising that they really need some new parts and "if the fate says it malfunctions so be it" isn't a good motto.))

#headcanon #story bits #ask #answer #((sorry if it's not complete it took me quite some time to type it all in and I could've forgotten to mention some things))#((also unlike the cyborg Fuks Himitsu isn't a vocaloid character))#((feel free to ask any more questions about them all!!))

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lefthanded-sans · 6 years

Note

Don't forget the Garrus analysis!

There’s no Shepard without Vakarian: An analysis of Garrus’ characterization in the Mass Effect franchise

Oh yes, thank you, Mun! During yesterday’s stream I commented I could write an analysis on how Garrus’ character arc is in many ways unusual, both within the Mass Effect franchise’s brand of storytelling, and in the broader scheme of how narratives tend to characterize principle personalities. Most main characters are given a significant arc that grows them greatly as an individual. By the end of the tale, they have actualized into someone with more experiences, abilities, and integrity. They stand on their own stronger than before. Garrus’ arc, interestingly enough, focuses less on him growing by himself, but rather him growing closer to Shepard.

A more typical characterization arc is found for most Mass Effect squadmates (especially those introduced in ME 2). It’s brilliant - large plot threads from major political scuffles, to individual personality plot threads of character internal conflict - are given arc, development, and wrap-up by ME 3. Mainly, squadmates are given a central conflict that is developed and resolved by the end of the storyline. To give a few examples:

Grunt is introduced with the problem of needing identity. He needs to become actualized as his own, personal krogan. By joining Clan Urdnot and leading the Aralakh Company, he becomes that krogan with a proud, personal, found identity.

Mordin’s character arc is wrapped around his complicated, conflicted logic and emotions regarding the genophage - whether it was, in fact, the correct choice to make. As much as his emotions and logic mostly agree that the second genophage was the correct move, his internal discomfort suggests that he’s not as settled in this choice as he should be. He’s still struggling. His logic and emotions come to a common goal to cure the krogan genophage in ME 3, leading him to internal peace. He goes from someone who sterilized the krogan, helping continue the collapse of krogan civilization… to their hero.

Miranda’s arc is focused around struggles with her abusive father. In the end, she can help her sister and stop Mr. Lawson once and for all.

Jacob struggles with the question of whether or not allying with a shady organization like Cerberus is okay so long as their mission goals are profitable and get the job done. His suspicions in ME 2 lead to worse experiences in ME 3; he leaves the organization and puts behind this conflict once and for all.

Wrex’s arc is about becoming a revolutionary leader. Shepard meets him after he gave up leading a small krogan clan. But he becomes reinspired to try to build his people into a stronger civilization, a stronger future.

Jack is introduced with emotional scars from an abusive past. As a child she was abused and exploited for her biotics. In the end, Jack helps nurture other biotic children into a greater future.

And so we can go through almost all squadmates this way: Ashley / Kaidan regarding trust, Samara regarding her Ardat-Yakshi familial legacy, Thane regarding his family and illness, EDI regarding what it means to be a sentient non-organic, etc. Characters are given a central problem, which they grow through and overcome.

But Garrus, I feel… is a little different.

Garrus’ arc is centered around the idea “There’s no Shepard without Vakarian.”

Now, it’s true Garrus has a few overarching problems he needs to handle throughout the franchise. It mainly involves his sense of enacting justice outside the scope of regulations. In the first game, he wants to hunt down Dr. Saleon, who got away because C-Sec regulations forbid Garrus from making risky capture moves the first time. In the second game, Garrus wants vengeance for Sidonis’ betrayal. Several times, Garrus plays a turian Robin Hood-esque character: he skirts the law and does his own vigilante thing to enact justice and punish immoral lawbreakers who have harmed others.

The thing is, these incidences are framed secondarily to Garrus’ main narrative contribution. These narrative arcs are used to reinforce Garrus’ attachment to Shepard.

Garrus does learn and grow based upon how Dr. Saleon and Sidonis are handled, yes. He’ll reach different conclusions depending upon whether you take Renegade or Paragon dialogue choices, but regardless, Garrus takes away these incidences as life lessons... life lessons pulled to him largely by Shepard’s sense of justice. Results of the Dr. Saleon mission come from Shepard’s guidance and philosophy, ideas that Garrus take to heart and mull over. The same sort of thing happens with Sidonis. Shepard’s interactions in these missions influence how Garrus thinks. He reflects upon the missions and (no matter what path players take) ultimately reaches the conclusion Shepard has a point. He aligns his thinking more with Shepard after each incident. Thus, Garrus’ experiences on the missions with Shepard aren’t about Garrus growing beyond a problem… so much as it leads him to become more synced with and loyal to Shepard.

Even the problem of Garrus’ imperfect relation with his father ultimately ties up to him building a bond with Shepard. In the first game, Garrus mentions that his father didn’t approve of Garrus taking Spectre training, so Garrus found himself as a C-Sec officer instead… albeit one who didn’t play by the books as his father did. That leads him to be interested in working with a Spectre and leaving C-Sec... all driving him to Shepard. Garrus does eventually go to his father by ME 3 - a surprising development - and tell his father about his ventures and the upcoming Reaper threat. Garrus gains his own task force to handle the Reapers and lead… which pulls him back into the central war efforts with Shepard. He’s yet again a squadmate with humanity’s first Spectre. Everything Garrus does ultimately draws him back to the Normandy.

All of Garrus’ problems in 1 and 2 are written to build that bond between Shepard and Vakarian. It’s fascinating - his character growth arc isn’t about one specific personal problem to characterize through, so much as it is about him aligning with someone else.

In this sense, the Shadow Broker’s dossier on Garrus is curious commentary on his characterization arc. The dossier begins:

Former C-Sec officer. Exceptional tactical and team-building skills. Leadership potential overshadowed by Shepard. Unlikely to fully develop under Shepard’s command.

Now Garrus does gain and expose these skills solo. He creates his team on Omega. He directs forces during the start of the war with the Reapers. But that is never where he fully actualizes, fully shines. Garrus being with Shepard is never narratively shown as a limitation, but contrarily, Garrus apart from Shepard is where he is shown to be weakest and most out-of-his-zone.

Characters out of their element can be one means of growth - it’s hard to grow unless you’re out of your comfort zone, after all - but it can also signify they’re not where they’re supposed to be. The latter is primarily how Garrus’ time apart from Shepard is depicted. If anything, his experiences on Omega worsen him into someone more emotionally unstable, hurt, and raw. And instead of it being a time where Garrus notably actualizes, it feels like a somewhat stagnant period of his life, where he’s living active inactivity, trying to figure out what to do now that Shepard is dead. Shepard reuniting with Garrus on Omega is one where Garrus is in a tight and unpleasant spot. He demonstrates he can lead and build a team like Shepard, but his experience also isn’t the one where he is depicted at his best and most heroic. He gains more motivation, resolve, and heroics when he joins the suicide Cerberus mission - he’s not just picking off villains on Omega, but now he’s out to save every human colony.

Where Garrus is depicted as his best is with Shepard. Maybe it’s just me, but I suspect that many fans get excited every time Garrus returns to the squad because they associate him with that friend always at Shepard’s side. He’s the bud Shepard can always count on. And over and over again, throughout the franchise, Garrus says some great quotes about his siding with Shepard. One of my favorites comes from the start of 2:

G: Frankly I’m more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard. You remember those sick experiments they were doing?S: That’s why I’m glad you’re here, Garrus. If I’m walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side.G: You realize this plan has me walking into hell too. Hmm… just like old times.

And then there’s Garrus’ character farewell in ME 3 before the final London charge. Most of these farewells bring up the central point of the character’s conflict in some way or another - for instance, Grunt thanking Shepard for taking him out of the tank, Samara mentioning the monastery where her final daughters have lived. It’s the final wrap-up to the story we’ve experienced through each squadmate. It’s to note that Garrus and Shepard’s conversation is not centered on justice, ruthless calculus, Garrus’ father, Sidonis, regulations, or any of Garrus’ other side-struggles. Garrus and Shepard focus the conversation on their friendship. On supporting each other. They talk about them being together - be it here on Earth, or up in the afterlife:

G: Shepard. So I guess this is…S: Just like old times?G: Heh. Huh. Mmm. Might be the last chance we get to say that.S: You think we’re going to lose?G: No, I think we’re about kick the Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we’re going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids.S: I wouldn’t know what do with all my time. Neither would you.G: Sign autographs?S: We haven’t won yet.G: James told me there’s an old saying here on Earth - “May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.” Not sure turian if heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar. I’m buying.S: We’re a team, Garrus. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian. So you better remember to duck.G: Sorry, turians don’t know how. But I’ll improvise. And Shepard, forgive the insubordination, but this old friend has an order for you: Go out there, and give them hell. You were born to do this.S: Good-bye Garrus. And if I’m up there in that bar, and you’re not, I’ll be looking down. I’ll always have your back.

Between these two conversations, Garrus and Shepard literally talk about going through heaven and hell together. They connect through old times and forge into new times together, onward and onward. And there is an undying support between the two. They make each other stronger.

The Shadow Broker is sort of right that Garrus’ leadership potential overshadowed by Shepard. Garrus gains respect from teams on his own, but he never rises to that legend Shepard does by himself. That said, the Shadow Broker is also wrong that Garrus development is hindered by being around Shepard. Garrus being with Shepard is the best that Garrus is. The point of Garrus narratively is to be with Shepard, and that’s where he makes the most memorable storytelling difference. Garrus’ narrative is about being Shepard’s loyal best friend (or lover, if you romance him) - the second-in-command whose support is critical to the Milky Way’s salvation.

Garrus’ story isn’t centralized about how to handle justice outside regulation. Garrus’ story isn’t one about deciding what to do with gray morals and ruthless calculus, as much as he speculates about that topic. Garrus’ story isn’t one of getting out of Shepard’s shadow. It’s a story about him syncing with Shepard’s shadow.

The idea that there’s nothing sweeter than his loyal friendship.

#mun3001s #long post #Garrus #ME #Mass Effect #ME2 #ME 2 #Mass Effect 2 #ME 3 #ME3 #Mass Effect 3 #Garrus Vakarian #my analysis #non-UT #female shepard #Commander Shepard #ask #ask me

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