#but you get what i'm saying right? it's terribly tragic. it's painful. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yantako · 6 months

Text

Yandere MC that Snaps after tolerating the Yanderes.

ft. Idia, Malleus

I have no clue how to write Idia's part so much so I think it has just devolved into funny content :sob:

Prequel | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Idia Shroud

• You started to notice your cat becoming more attached to the blue-haired flame-cladded individual. Your cat always seems so excited to meet him and also, well, he was too, always so happy to hug your cat. However, the closer they get, the more empty your heart feels. It felt like something was amiss as if there was a black hole eating up your emotions. With such an occurrence, there was another gnawing feeling that refilled that hole. A slimy goop of negative feelings was slowly being developed.

• Idia had initially considered this tactic a win, from whatever anime textbook he consulted. 1, he gets to befriend another campus cat and bathe in its adorable antics. 2, he can possibly build a connection with you through the same cat. And if he's feeling extra strategic, maybe he would have a chance to make you feel lonely enough to rely on him, right?

• However, that is only wishful thinking for him. He managed to succeed with his plans but failed to realise the growing dissatisfaction you had. He wanted you to rely on him with that void you have but instead, he was greeted with another surprise.

• Because of such strong feelings you had towards Idia, you would constantly start to avoid him, especially with your cat. You didn't want your cat to continue getting closer to that person. After all, he's just a stay-home neet, lacks social skills, always running from confrontation, always only on the damned tablet, whatever insult you can conjure of him. You'd begin avoiding the common areas and his most seen in-person locations. Of course, as much as your cat whines and whimpers, you try to bathe it in as much attention as you can to combat the impact Idia had on it.

• The first few times that you had deliberately avoided him, Idia thought it must have been a mistake. He tried to come up to you with a smile once, but suddenly you disappeared faster than he could push himself to approach you. However, after it has been going on for at least a week or two, he started to notice that you were doing this on purpose. He's not that lacking in people skills to dismiss as a mistake, even if he wants to do so. Of course, that made him mad. But, what could he do? Cry in his room like a little bitch? Well, yea, maybe that did happen for a few days. Ortho was concerned.

• However, his behaviour didn't escalate until he saw a Savannaclaw student interact with the cat, right in front of his eyes. The betrayal that he felt when another touches the cat, he will repay it. But his target wasn't you.

• In a matter of a few days, when you decided to meet the Savannaclaw student along with the cat, it ended up in a tragic disaster. The student looked at you with eyes filled with distrust and suspicion, and at the same time, fear towards your cat. When you approached him, you can feel him immediately tense up. "What do you want?"

"I just want to say hi-"

"Stay away!" He screamed and raised his arms, about to push you down.

However, the implicated one was your cat who took the brunt for you. The student definitely placed a lot of strength into it, because your cat was clearly in pain after being pushed. Of course, you started to panic as the Savannaclaw student seemed to be in shock at the situation. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen." You can see the distress and regret on his face as his mental state crumbles along with his legs.

• It was weird for you to see the Savannaclaw student in such a state. After getting your cat treated at the nearest vet, you came to find out from his closest friend about him being cyber bullied online. He was being slandered for terrible things that he did not do and was also being doxxed. He did not want to drag you into the situation but his terrible mental state prevented him from thinking straight and used too much aggression in pushing you away.

• Somehow, a certain someone floated into your mind when hearing about his situation. Ortho only confirmed your suspicions after that when he asked if there was anything that happened between you and his brother. Ortho was worried as Idia had stayed up for several nights using the computer while repeating your name.

• This only contributed to the negativity you had already held towards him. You felt like something in you snapped.

• "O-oh, why are you here?" Idia stammered when he suddenly saw you outside his room door, peeking at you from behind. With all your strength, you pushed the door and went inside, scanning through his room filled with equipment and technology, as well as figurines and assorted merchandise.

• You immediately took one of the bigger figurines on the shelves and swung it across the shelf, knocking down all of the merchandise on to the floor. Idia watched in shock and terror, both at the sight of his precious collection being furiously stomped on by you and the sight of your poker face emitting rage. He could not even get angry and pissed due to the overwhelming pressure you exude.

• You tilted your head up after making a huge mess of his figurines, broken pieces laid over the floor. Your relieved face seem to be hinting at Idia that it won't be the last time you do this.

• Look at what you did, Idia. If a rare figurine won't stop you from committing atrocities, maybe your beautifully crafted PC will? Did Love Sled deserve this???

Malleus Draconia

• It was weird how the cat just simply disappeared from the face of the earth one day. It was big and noticeable and the student body all knew about it. Of course, you found it suspicious.

• Though, the more suspicious thing was actually Malleus' reaction towards the cat's disappearance. What do you mean it probably went to go find milk and got lost? Shouldn't you be more worried about it getting lost? It's just simply not something to be smiling about and be treated trivially.

• The more suspicions you had, the more frustrated you became. And the more frustrated you became, the motivation to meet Malleus or have a chat with him grew. The nightly talks between the both of you soon became lesser and the dragon fae felt wronged by your disappearance.

• However, the fae does not confront you about it.

• You tried your best to search for pieces of evidence, but it was unfruitful. No matter how much detective work you did, no one had the answer for you. It really just seemed as though the cat had simply disappeared.

• That is until a certain green-haired man came knocking on your door in frustration with his loud voice booming through the front door. "Human!"

You opened the door to look at Sebek, unamused at his behaviour.

"Hmph, how rude of you to come facing me like this after you have made my master upset at your attitude towards him! I'll have you know that my master went to lengths to majestically protect you and your feeble life!" He scoffed at you. Even though he was acting like such a prick, the little glances he gave you as he looked away showed a hint of worry. However, your ears perked up at his ending statements.

You curiously asked. "What do you mean by protecting me? Is there a danger I did not know about?"

• Sebek simply puffed his chest and proudly exclaimed. "Of course! My master had eradicated that monstrous cat for the sake of your peaceful school life!"

• As soon as you heard that, everything clicked in your head. You felt a lump in your throat as you tried your best to stay calm. The anger was starting to boil in your chest. The reasons why Malleus had acted so dismissively in front of you about the cat and the reason why there was no form of evidence that you, a magicless human, could find. Your spine started to emit a chill that stunned you.

• In an effort to avoid venting your anger on Sebek, you slammed the door in his face. He stood there confused before knocking on your door and calling for you again. After fruitless attempts, the loud man finally gave up and went back to Diasomnia.

• You felt absolutely betrayed by Malleus. The feelings started to creep into your head as you think and think about his actions, and finally, something snapped in you.

• After a few weeks, you met him back again in the broken gardens of Ramshackle. His face lit in delight as he finally sees you again, looking at him. Are you finally noticing him, child of man?

• You smiled at him, which took him aback. Slowly but surely, from the depths of your pocket, you took out a knife before attempting to slide it across your throat. You thought long and hard about this, the one person that Malleus was deathly afraid to lose. The one person he cared so much about. The one person who he felt an affinity with and was always trying to converse with them. Wasn't it the magicless human, you?

• Shocked and deathly afraid of whatever you were about to do, Malleus immediately used his magic to disarm your knife and grabbed your shoulders, tightly holding onto you. "Child of man, What do you think you are doing?" His face contorted into a furious scowl as he confronted you.

• However, you simply smiled and laughed. Feeling creeped out by your uncharacteristic actions, Malleus grabbed you tighter, demanding a reason.

• You simply looked him in the eye, as you said. "Would you have preferred me doing it behind your back then?"

• Malleus felt the guilt crawl up to him as he listened to your words. He knew exactly what you had meant with such a cryptic question.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland #twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #yandere malleus draconia #idia shroud #yandere idia shroud #idia x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #yandere x reader #twst headcanons

299 notes · View notes

lumine-no-hikari · 2 months

Text

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #76

You know. After a day or so to process this version of events, I think I can finally put into words why so many people cry out for your blood, but not Rufus's or his father's, even though they've done things that are arguably far worse than anything you've ever done. Goodness, but isn't it the same age-old story of people villainizing abuse victims for striking back while excusing the abuser that broke the survivor to that point? And we see it all the time in my world; nobody does anything about bullying at school until the bullied person finally punches their bully in the face, and then the bully gets off scot-free while the victim gets suspended. I think of spouses who, backed into a corner and trying to defend themselves, strike back at the spouse who has been abusing them, and the spouse defending themselves gets charges pressed while the other one who had been abusing them gets pitied. I think about trafficked humans (many of them are snatched up as CHILDREN) who, in an effort to get free or to defend themselves, strike back at the person trafficking them and escape, only to then face a world who hates them for having been trafficked. And all of these things have one thing in common: the price for escaping from being "owned" is often another form of punishment or imprisonment.

Of course, I am not saying that people should call for Rufus's or his father's blood, either. Or even for Hojo's. They are not different from you - either they have congenital defects in the parts of their brain that are responsible for empathy (and pretending like this is a moral issue instead of a brain wiring issue is ableism), or they've lived lives that have beaten their psyches into a shape that makes them think that hurting other people and treating them like objects is the only way to survive. This is ALSO a brain wiring issue - though this kind of brain wiring issue is better classified as a psychological injury (due to attachment disruption or childhood trauma) than as an illness or congenital defect.

Yeah, you read all of that right. I said what I said and I meant it, and I know that people aren't gonna like it, but today I am tired and bitter from all the shit I'm seeing, and out of fucks to give as a result. I don't demonize Rufus or his father. I don't demonize Hojo, either. They have done horrific and inexcusable things and I feel very angry in response to that, but they need HELP. They, too, are capable of making a different choice and turning around. Imagine that. It's almost as though calling for mercy for you (or in other words, "being a Sephiroth fan" or a "Sephiroth apologist", as people like to call folks like me for the purpose of degrading us) has absolutely nothing to do with your looks or with trying to "fix" you so I can date you (I'm sorry, but the idea of "fixing" a person to get with them is absolutely fucking barftastic🤢🤮), or whatever other bullshit nonsense that people who have never been through severe and ongoing grooming or abuse without any kind of support (support can be from a teacher, friend, other family member, etc.) like to accuse us of. Hoodathunkit?

I think, too, that lots of people see that potentially destructive side of you in themselves, and I think they would rather see people who lapse in reining it in die than acknowledge that it's within them, too. Or perhaps living a life that is painful enough to break them into such a horrific shape is unfathomable to them. Either way, one fact remains: people don't want to own up to the fact that literally every single one of us has the capacity to do something similar to what you did, if their life circumstances break them in the way that leads to that kind of terrible, tragic, infuriating, and wholly inexcusable outcome. You're not some especially monstrous thing. You're not a lone goddamn wolf or a rare exception to some general rule or an isolated fucking edge case. And I know it because people in my world make choices similar to yours EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if their means of enacting those choices differ from yours.

The capacity to inflict horror upon other living things is part of the human condition. It is in ALL OF US, whether we want to fucking acknowledge it or not. And all it takes to bring it out is a long enough string of psychologically damaging events in the absence of appropriate support. Cases like yours are NOT random events caused by "inherently bad people"; there's no such fucking thing as "inherently bad people". There are conditions and events that lead to people doing horrific things, and these conditions and events can be found and prevented before they get to that point, if only everyone keeps their eyes open and pays attention! I spend as much time as I can trying to reach those that conventional wisdom says are "unreachable" PRECISELY in service to trying to keep my eyes open and pay attention!

Because horrific events and bad choices are like bacteria - they DO NOT spontaneously generate ("spontaneous generation theory" used to be a thing that people believed about microorganisms a long time ago)! Conditions LEAD TO THEIR GROWTH. And the solution to a person afflicted with bacteria is NOT to kill or demonize them (though this is how they used to be treated; check out most of human history!)! You're supposed to give them antibiotics to REMOVE THE CONDITIONS THAT ALLOW FOR BACTERIAL GROWTH. And the same rules apply to people who make violent choices - you remove the conditions that produce the choices, NOT the person who made them. But goddammit, I am only one person, and… fuck, there are just SO. MANY. STARFISH… stranded on the beach sand…

Also, you know… even as far back as the original game, anyone with half a brain understood that you must have been crying, weeping, sobbing openly during your time at the library. In this version of events, we saw you do that for just a moment before it was choked back and replaced with… something else (I know what this is like; I still have the capacity to cease crying immediately via dissociation; this skill was literally beaten into me, and I imagine it's the same for you). And in my world, it's popular to believe that men should never cry or be vulnerable in any way, shape, or form (this bit of socio-cultural bullshit is actually generational trauma, and it's literally fucking killing people, in the form of internalized or externalized violence), so lots of people here are going to have less empathy for you at least in part because you defied the "cultural norms" of what it means to be a man and a leader (again, this is generational trauma mistaken for culture, and it needs to fucking stop because people are dying over it). And it's so… it's so…

Ugh… Sephiroth, all of the things I know, all the suffering in the world, all the causes of it… it's all swirling around in my head today, and it's heavy. It's so fucking heavy. Watching all the people, every single one of them beautiful and good, doing what they do to themselves and each another, hurting themselves and each other, psychologically or physically maiming themselves and each other, even torturing and killing themselves or each other, all because somehow doing these things feels easier than trying to repair and restore everything… they don't know what they're doing. And there's not… there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I look at the state of things on a large scale. Our dying planet. The endless wars. The marginalized groups of people. The violence and the hate crimes. The genocides. I want to cry and to scream and to throw up all at once.

…But I suppose much of that is neither here nor there. Suppose anyone with "conventional wisdom" would tell me I'm "reading too goddamn much" into a "silly video game", but… given that the media in our world LITERALLY PERPETUATES STEREOTYPES THAT KILL PEOPLE, I gotta say I'm more than a little fucking bitter about that today.

In any case… you - an abused, exploited, and bullied person most of your life - escaped being owned by Shinra (in the clumsiest and most ridiculous and horrible fucking way possible, but still), only to find yet another goddamn chain around your neck. If it's not Jenova controlling you, then it's your trauma and conditioning pulling the strings. Either way you're acting like a goddamn puppet. There, I said it. And as much as I love you, if you don't like that I said it, then too fucking bad; maybe try actually DOING something about it.

Sephiroth. As much as I love you, I am always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you squandered your voice so recklessly back then. I'm always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you fucking! abused! yourself! for a week! until you broke! WHAT THE FUCK.

If you had simply! Told people! What you had been put through! If you had told them what Shinra was doing! If you had simply opened your freaking mouth to talk about your experiences to a bunch of people who practically worshipped you, you would have eventually had millions of people rallied with you to put an end to Shinra! Sephiroth, for fuck's sake, YOU WERE A GODDAMN GENERAL!! You know how to lead people! And you know how to protect them! Get a goddamn grip!

And I know that the mayor guy acted all entitled to your time while you were exhausted and still grieving for your friends, and it was shitty of him to pass judgment on you when he had no idea what you were going through. But ultimately, it is up to YOU to communicate your needs and feelings, not up to the people around you to anticipate what they are! And I know that the guy took your picture without your permission, and I know they didn't heed when you said "not today". But there is a difference between "having no respect for your word" and "being so excited and happy about your presence that they are unable to contain themselves". It is still up to YOU to maintain your boundaries even if other people don't like it!

Sephiroth! I know that you were struggling! And I know that you spent your whole life being bullied and abused to the point that you felt as though your voice had no power. I know that. I understand that. I am still dragging myself up out of that hole. I know that you were trying to punish evil, and that you saw these people as being complicit in the system that hurt you, your friends, your mother Lucrecia, and your planet. I get that you were trying to punch your bullies back in their faces, but you punched the WRONG PEOPLE. And even then: why punch people when you can instead wield your voice!

Sephiroth, despite the harshness of your upbringing and all the other things that make you stand out, you still have privilege! You have status! You have fame! You have power! You have a remarkably able male body! YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT PEOPLE LISTEN TO! You have a face that people are willing to see! You have a voice that people are willing to hear! And there is a difference between holding people accountable for being complicit in a system that benefits them, and punishing people for existing in a system (even if that system benefits them) that they did not consent to being born into!

You can't even begin to imagine what I would be willing to give up in order to have a voice like yours, so that I could call for compassion and mercy in ways that would get people to open their eyes and take action in service to putting a stop to all the suffering that exists in this place that I live in.

But no. Instead of being brave and coming out of your shell to use your voice and social power in response to injustice and exploitation, you simply defaulted to your instinctual behaviors. You did the thing you've been trained to do. Like Pavlov's dog, the bell was rung and you drooled everyfuckingwhere. You used your power to cut everything down, instead of using your voice to rally people together for a cause that they ABSOLUTELY would have followed because YOUR face and YOUR voice would have been the one leading it.

Sephiroth. This fucking sucks. What you did to yourself in that library - starving, dehydrating, and sleep depriving yourself and pushing yourself past your limits while you were already strained - fucking sucks. And what you did in the throes of your agony also sucks. Punishing the people around you because your brain was addled and you didn't fucking fact-check what you were reading fucking sucks! And I do understand very well why you did all this; I was abused similarly to you, albeit in a far less extreme way, and thus a long time ago I used to think similarly to the way you did after your fall (I don't think that way anymore because I had help, thank freaking goodness). But IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS. And it was STILL unacceptable. You can't change what you did. But you can make a different choice, moving forward!

Conventional wisdom says that there is no coming back from having fallen, but I am living proof that in this case, "conventional wisdom" is GARBAGE. I would not be sitting here, imploring you to turn your eyes towards a kinder, more compassionate worldview - one that exists in stark defiance of everything I used to believe because of what I was taught as a child - if "conventional wisdom" were true. In addition, I have met other people in the course of my derping around on this broken fucken planet who also serve as proof that anyone, no matter what has happened to them or what they've done in the past, can rise up into making a different choice. And these cases, too, are not "edge" cases. They are not exceptions to a rule. The capacity to heal and grow and change - just like the capacity to hurt and regress and stagnate - is part of the human condition. And this means that anyone can turn around! No! Matter! How! Far! They've! Walked! In! The! Wrong! Direction!!

Goddammit, Sephiroth! Turn yourself around!! Because although I understand what you're trying to do, what you're doing is NOT the way to get it done! What you're doing is BULLSHIT! Maybe you think you're demonstrating your "phenomenal power" or whatever by breaking everything around you, but what you're REALLY doing is yielding to your conditioning like it's got a chain around your neck and a cattle prod in its hand! It's weaksauce! You ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BREAK THINGS. You've spent your whole life being forced to do that even when you didn't want to!

So you gonna, you gonna what? Sit here and claim that you're "the chosen one" or some fucking horseshit, as though you've taken your power back? When really you just took the easy route of doing the same old shit you've always done - bending over and making yourself a slave to someone else's fucked-up agenda, and becoming the very thing you reviled against SO HARD that you burned down an entire fucking village in disgust, despair, and rage? I ain't buyin' it, and neither should you! All you've done is exchanged one codependent relationship for another! And it's getting fucking old! You can do better than blind, subservient obedience to some random fucking space parasite that don't give even two shits about you as much as it cares about your capacity to allow it to resume its life cycle! You've gotta know that even if you really did manage to break everything (you won't, because I fucking promise you that you'll be stopped), as soon as you've served its purpose, it's gonna toss ya like yesterday's trash, if not outright consume you like a female mantis after it's done using its mate like a fucktoy!

The developers said that we've only seen 1% of your power or some shit, but you fucking know what? You could wipe the whole goddamn universe clean. You could extinguish every last star. And STILL some random fucking autistic chick from some random fucking planet in a random fucking solar system in a random fucking galaxy has your ass beat in ALL the ways that count! And that's NOT ACCEPTABLE. I am nothing! I am NO ONE. Sephiroth!! COME ON ALREADY!!

You want strength? Do the work to defy your conditioning. Do the work to love the broken things. Do the work to become someone who does no harm yet takes no shit. Do the work to become someone who can remain soft even in this sharp and unforgiving world. Do the work to get out of your own damn way. Do the work to become someone who can treat yourself like you actually fucking matter. Do the work to get up off your knees and live. DO! THE! WORK! Don't just do the same thing you've always done and claim you've won! Don't act like a pigeon playing chess - shitting all over the board and then struttin' and swaggerin' around like you're some kind of grandmaster! That's NOT how this shit works! You haven't broken free of the pattern! All you've done is changed the hand holding your leash!

You have to stop blindly giving away your power to anyone who claims to love you! You have to stop using your power in service to the conditioning that tried to snatch away who you really are on the inside! They tried to steal away your gentleness! They tried to steal away your emotions! They tried to steal away your ability to cry, your ability to be vulnerable, your ability to be compassionate and loving! Are you just gonna sit here and let them? Are you going to keep pretending like you're cruel and hard-hearted just because a bunch of people who cared nothing for you told you that's how a proper warrior is supposed to be? Are you going to keep on like this, doing the same thing you've always done, just because taking the time to grieve and to make choices that are actually in alignment with your nature are things that feel too difficult for you to do?

…Fucking hell, but some days, clamoring for you to get your shit together feels A LOT like Atreyu trying to pull Artax up out of the swamp:

youtube

Come on!!! Turn around!!! You have to, NOW! You have to try!! You have to care!! You can't let the darkness overtake you! You gotta move or you'll die!! Please!! There's still life on the other side of mistakes. There's still life on the other side of despair. There's still life on the other side of rage, of loss, of shattering. It doesn't have to be permanent!

…I won't give up. Even if you leave those of us who care for you sitting and weeping in the middle of the swamp, staring forlornly, or in shock and in disbelief at the place where you sank, I'm not going to quit. I will keep calling out your name in hopes that you'll follow the sound back to the light. Because you're worth the effort. You're worth the pain. You're worth the grief.

I'll leave you with these:

Take the hands outstretched to you and get your ass out of the goddamn swamp. Having a swamp ass is not a good time for ANYONE involved. So please. I…

…I'll write to you tomorrow. Because I love you. In the same way that any person loves their friends. Do everything in your power to keep yourself and your planet and your friends safe. I'm begging you. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

56 notes · View notes

thatswhatsushesaid · 5 months

Note

strangely enough I'm partway through the novel and so far I've felt way more like jgy is supposed to be Bad And Evil than I ever did watching the show? like in cql you get to know him before all that bad stuff happens and you see him as a tragic character who didn't really have another choice, but in the book it just seems like he's set up as a villain from the beginning. maybe I'll change my mind when I finish the book?

oh no, see, i do think that was rather intentional in the novel! i can't remember who wrote the particular piece of meta i'm thinking about (was it you @labyrynth?) but if i recall the post correctly, it explores how key information about jgy is revealed to the viewer and the reader in both versions of the canon. because you're absolutely right that in cql, we meet jgy as meng yao much earlier in the story, and he is presented to us in such a way as to engender a lot of sympathy and compassion. and then bam!! we find out all of the terrible awful no good very bad details about him via the empathy flashback episode.

in contrast, in the novel, once wwx and lwj begin to suspect that jgy is the one behind nmj's murder, we don't actually know much of anything about jgy beyond his role within the lanling jin, his close friendship with lxc, and his status as a war hero. there are lots of hints scattered throughout the text that indicate just what type of person jgy is once he comes into his own power (e.g., the watchtowers, the decade and a half of peace and safety that his tenure as xiandu ushers in), but these textual observations are blink-and-you'll-miss-them subtle, and i caught most of them on my second re-read. we aren't really hit with the motherlode of painful heartbreak about jgy's life and backstory until the guanyin temple confrontation is nearing its end, and it isn't until jgy is actually dead and sealed in the coffin with nmj's fierce corpse that we find out he was the one who gave jin ling fairy. and it isn't until the extras that we also find out that jgy rooted out political corruption within the jin sect to such an extent that no jin sect officials would ever have considered accepting bribes while he was sect leader.

the tl;dr version is that cql is intentionally set up to (on first viewing, anyway) say to the viewer, "you thought you knew who jgy was, but you were wrong to trust him." in contrast, the question that mdzs asks the reader at the very end of the novel is, imo, "you thought you knew who jgy was--but did you?" and, rather like lan xichen, who is left to wonder about the truth for the rest of his life, this question will never be answered.

#asks answered #mdzs meta #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌

54 notes · View notes

its-chelisey-stuff · 1 month

Text

is this a classic in the making?? Too early too tell but I really miss obsessing over kdramas, so maybe this brings back into it?

finally caught up with Queen of Tears and I must confess I don't know what to make of Kim SooHyun's character yet. I get that the guy is only human, but the fact that his first thought at finding out his wife might die from a rare decease is happiness, it's cold. And wrong.

I mean I guess that's kinda the point, right? This guy thinking he's happy at this terrible news, is clearly an indication that the situation he's been living in since he married has messed up his head, but... I dislike him a lot for it anyway hahaha

And I know that it takes two to tango, and the way their marriage has come to this is definitely something that holds both people responsible. I see that the toxicity, manipulation and constant scrutiny from the Hong family (mixed up with the fact that HyunWoo's family is quite dependant economically on him and his marriage) could drive a guy insane, particularly a guy who seemed so in love with his wife at the start ready to take on everything and everyone, in the name of love.

But of course, now we have the added layer of the miscarriage/baby loss and it definitely complicates a loooot of things while also explaining them in a way. I could say HaeIn just shut off completely and decided to use Elsa's method of conceal don't feel, while the opposite happened to HyunWoo and the guy just couldn't help but feel everything. All the pain, the hurt, shame and stuff caused by the overbearing family in law and even his wife. I get it. But still, you once loved this woman, how can you feel happy at the thought of her death? Sociopath dare I say.

If it wasn't clear enough, at this moment, I'm on HaeIn's side, meaning that I feel more for her and her situation than I do for Hyunwoo, because I can relate a bit to her way of shutting everything out and where she's coming from. It's clear as day that she has experienced a lot of trauma from her early years (the loss of her brother, her mother blaming her for it) and now facing the terrible news that she might die on top of having scary episodes in which she doesn't remember shit. And she doesn't know how to properly deal with any of it. I'm sure that, when she first married, she was happily in love and in the bliss of it all, she forgot all of this unresolved trauma, but now that so much more has piled in, her only way of dealing is becoming ice. And I find that a lot more tragic than Hyunwoo's situation, so don't argue with me lol you won't make me change my mind

but damn, I still do root for them and want them to find a way back to each other...

I know kdramas and I know this writer and eventually, HyunWoo is gonna wake up to the fact that underneath all that resentment and poor communication, he still loves her. A LOT. I roll my eyes at the fact that another man had to come into the picture for him to start feeling dormant emotions and finding his wife attractive and beautiful, but I guess I'll take what I can. I know he will suffer terribly in upcoming eps, cause you don't just cast KimSooHyun to make him happy and silly. NO. You cast him to make him suffer and make him cry and cry and cry. (I still tear up at his breakdown scene from The Moon that Embraces the Sun).

At the end, if I'm to be guided by old dramas from this writer, my guess is that HaeIn will recover and live in the end. I'd be very surprised if she doesn't but tbh I'm preparing for that possibility. What I do know is that my girl is gonna suffer, and for that, I'm not that well prepared, nor do I look forward to it as with HyunWoo's pain and misery.

I mean, look at that face! I will protect and defend her till the end!

#queen of tears #kdrama #kim soo hyun #kim jiwon #does it make sense that I had this drama on my radar bc of ksh but I'm staying for jiwon?#i mean the drama is called queen of tears for a reason

28 notes · View notes

crisiscutie · 5 months

Note

People just don't get that redemption isn't for everyone

Yes people can do it but sometimes it's best to say it's irredeemable

Sephiroth has been through so many tragedies to the point,it feels like redemption is one big joke to him,cuz he already reached the point of no return

Personally I feel like the trope of "everything is forgivable" is overused or overlooked way too often,there are things in the world that can't forgive and sometimes punishment is better than forgiveness

In Sephiroth's case, I don't think forgiveness will change anything,rather it's impossible,no one who knows him is willing to forgive him,hence some may say he has no faults at all like Hojo cuz that guy is messed up AF

Take it like this: If a guy who commits an unforgivable crime and someone says he should be forgiven based only on the fact that he was abused or insane or he went through some traumatic shit etc,it would not only feel ridiculous, it's outright selfish

Should Sephiroth be forgiven for the Nibelheim Incident just bcuz it was a crime of passion or he was mentally unstable and should get off free of guilt? No,cuz he did something terrible to others and that should be accepted

I've seen too many cases of normalisation or glorification or defence of characters' faults and apparently "you're a bitch for pointing out others' faults" these days and "it's not nice to have criticisms"

I saw some deep toxic shit about normalised toxicity in fiction lately

I mean I love Seph,but god I'm heavily aware he's evil as hell

-🌹

Yup. Sephiroth's path is set in his mind. For what reason would he deviate from his path? He decided to continue the cycle of pain. And Cloud could've continued that cycle after him if it wasn't for Tifa.

I want to state this: I'm against Sephiroth being redeemed. One reason is that no character ever deserves redemption. Redemption is a complex, grueling process that involves self-reflection, remorse, and a genuine desire to change. It requires a willingness to confront your actions and the consequences you inflicted upon others. Sephiroth, so far, has done none of this. He felt justified in his actions. And the few times when he does acknowledge what he has done? He rubs it in Cloud's face, for goodness' sake. He did this in Advent Children, 7R and even the original FF7, especially during that one iconic scene that shall not be named. Sephiroth has displayed constant cruelty to Cloud, his party and the planet. What on earth justifies him deserving redemption? Because of his awful and traumatic past?

Let me say this: the events leading up to and following Sephiroth's birth and childhood were undeniably tragic, and he cannot be blamed for them in any way. However, as an adult with the ability to choose his own path, he made the decision to inflict harm upon others, especially those who had no involvement in his suffering. As I mentioned in another post, introducing a potential redemption arc for Sephiroth would actually undermine Cloud's own arc and diminish its impact. Sephiroth serves as a warning to Cloud, acting as his dark mirror and representing the dark side of what a "hero" could become.

I would also like to mention Aerith, who, like Cloud, serves as another mirror to Sephiroth and had a deeply traumatic past. However, instead of succumbing to darkness like Sephiroth, she remained kind and hopeful. Sephiroth's redemption may also conflict with her story and role as well.

To sum it up, Redemption would require Sephiroth to question his beliefs and recognize the pain and suffering he has caused. He's not going to do that. He believes himself to be in the right, and the pain he caused to be "justice" in his mind.

And as you mentioned, it's clear that forgiveness is out of the question for him now. Cloud and Tifa, in particular, hold a deep hatred towards him and are determined to put an end to him. Tifa's grudge with Sephiroth has been largely overlooked, both by the fandom and CANON (seriously, what were the writers thinking...). But let's not forget the sheer terror poor Tifa had in 7R when she saw Sephiroth in front of Jenova's pod.

Both she and Cloud had been scarred (literally and figuratively) by this man for the rest of their LIVES. They deserve every blow they can get on Sephiroth...

Anyways, rant over. Please stop trying to make Sephiroth "work". He was a sweet baby that became an evil bastard. Let's appreciate the good and bad of the Crisis Cutie!

#sephiroth #ff7 sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #Cloud Strife #Tifa Lockhart #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 remake #ff7 remake #ffviir #ffvii ever crisis #c.c rambles #aerith gainsborough #miracle cutie #crisis cutie

38 notes · View notes

hannibalruinedme · 6 months

Text

Hannibal and my life long suffering

I know I'm late. I know you all have been in my shoes and survived. (or did you?)

I'll keep it very simple. I'm a very normal person. Once in a blue moon I stumble upon a piece of media so beautiful that I let it take over my whole soul. The media I consume, consumes me.

Long story short: I've finished watching Hannibal 2 days ago and the ache I feel in my heart is PHYSICAL. If anyone ever told me that I had yet to discover something which would make me feel the way hannibal made me feel, I wouldn't have believed in them. But boy I was wrong. I just know that this masterpiece of a series will forever torment me slowly. I'll never be able to NOT to feel pain whenever I come across Hannigram edits. It'll forever have this tormenting yet not welcomed grip on my heart. Am I suffering? Deeply. Do I want it to go away? No. Do I need more? A thousand times yes. This has to one of the best Achillean shows out there and we did deserve more of it. We still do.

It feels tragically unfair that there is little to no hope for a season 4. Yes I know, the s3 ending is very beautiful in it's own way. But was it worth giving up hannigram over? I don't think so. I wholeheartedly believe nothing will ever HIT home as much as Hannigram does. Once you get the taste for it, nothing ever feels the same.

I'm completely shattered and depressed. I'm not being dramatic when I say that I sigh all day and stay up late watching old Hannigram contents over and over. I've literally texted Bryan (lol) on Instagram begging for more and I Google "Is there any hope for Hannibal s4" 5 times a day. Even tho the fannibals are always thriving (I love you), seeing a content which has "8 years ago" marked under it, makes me feel terribly lonely. It's deeply saddening to me. The phase I'm in right now, I don't believe I'll ever stop waiting for season 4. I've realised, after doomscrolling on reddit, that most of you've accepted the fact that it's over. Well, good for you. I hope one day I'll be able to reach that stage and be happy with how things ended.

But not for now, right now, I'm on edge. I wake up with knots in my stomach and go through my day feeling miserable. (it might sound extreme to some of you but if you've ever fallen in love with fiction deeply, you'd know). So if you're one of the fannibals who's hopeful (delusional) that there might be a chance of a season 4, please, pick me up. I need consolations from all of you. Please tell me what do you think. Is really there ANY chance? Please give me some hope. If it continues someday (someday...) with more Hannigram (as Bryan has already promised in the last online cast meet up) on the toe, I'd be the HAPPIEST person alive. The HAPPIEST. Even a film would do. Just something. Just a bit more of our murder husbands GOD PLEASE.

#hannigram #hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #dr lecter #hannibal season 4 #bring hannibal back #fannibals #not liking it is humanely impossible #best thing ever #season 4 #hannibal season 3 #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #save hannibal

26 notes · View notes

ckret2 · 8 months

Text

Okay all right okay I've been enabled, I'm gonna go full Pepe Silvia with my Care Bears villain headcanons, here we go:

Beastly, at one point, long ago, was a Care Bear cousin.

His original name was Beast Heart, his domain was idk wild roughhousing fun on the playground or something. Looked like a fuzzy Treat Heart. More dusty pink than brown.

"What happened to his arms and legs then?" mutated by evil. Anyway,

Like Polite Panda and Perfect Panda, he was separated from the Care Bear Family as a baby. cub. piglet? Whatever.

He stumbled on some poor kid stuck in tragic life circumstances, was instinctively driven to try his best to help out, but like, he was a baby, they were both babies, he couldn't help.

baby Beast Heart and the kid get ~*suuuuuper traumatized*~

the kid also has a sibling who had just as rough a time, but who DIDN'T have a baby Care Bear Cousin to help prop up their crumbling mental health, so they came out even worse off. this sibling spawned Shreeky.

the kid gets enough magic power to break out of his terrible situation and resolves to inflict the pain he went through on the rest of the world. Caring only hurts you, caring cannot save you. No one will care ever again.

Beastly's all in on this. He went through the same rotten childhood.

They're like. Super codependent.

They adore each other, but they can't say so out loud with their words because the language of "love" and "caring" and "goodness" has been poisoned to them, they're both in on the "bad is good and good is bad" backwards-talk so both of them know how the other one feels but they can't talk about it directly.

Despite the mutual (unspoken) caring, their inability to express their true feelings directly hampers their ability to have complex & open communication, so despite being each other's best support system they've been stuck in the same mutually unhealthy mental place for centuries.

Anyway, in conclusion:

No Heart actually took Beastly's last name in the wedding.

Yeah his first name is "No."

#(I've been picking away at watching this show for months. this is how I keep myself amused.)#care bears

18 notes · View notes

gryfflepuffinthetardis · 4 months

Text

Creep (Sweet Jane Part Five) — Campbell Bain x Reader

Sweet Jane Episode One: Hey Jude

Sweet Jane Episode Two: Fly Like an Eagle

Sweet Jane Episode Three: You Always Hurt the One You Love

Sweet Jane Episode Four: Fool on the Hill

Sweet Jane Episode Five: Rainy Day in Georgia (But not Georgia Tennant.)

“You are not the darkness you endured, you are the light that refused to surrender.”

Warning: Mature — Mentions and Descriptions of underaged rape (mid to late teens) and descriptions of stalking. (I’m not sure if this counts as explicit.); Funeral

youtube

Fergus’ funeral had finished and the mourners whom none of them had ever seen in their lives were leaving while the loonies—Eddie, Rosalie, Francine, Y/N, and a very, very drunk Campbell—stayed at his grave.

“Some wake, huh?” Campbell asked.

“We can go on back to the house with the others. His da invited us.” Eddie said.

“Did he hell! An invitation is when you say, ‘Would you like to come back to the house for a wee whisky?’ No ‘I s'pose you can come back t'the house if ye want.’ I mean, who were all those folk? Rental mourners? Never saw any ae them come to visit Fergus in hospital.”

“Right enough.” Francine said.

“And that minister! Don't think he'd even met the guy. Talking about "the tragic death of a young man of only thirty years". Fergus was twenty-seven! Getting us up to sing Fergus's favorite hymn! Fergus was a rabid, card-carrying atheist! And that bit about "the terrible illness that eventually killed him". Fergus didnae have cancer, he was a loony!” He started to fail his arms about, drunkenly, “A bam, crazy, mental, out tae lunch, of another planet...!” He fell against Eddie and Y/N who caught him.

“Babe.” Y/N said, taking the drink from her boyfriend before taking a swig herself.

Campbell snatched it back, “I’ll give this to you when you tell me who that boy you beat was.”

Y/N’s eyes became cold and she shook herself away from him.

“You are pished, my friend.” Eddie said and took the bottle of whiskey from him.

Campbell seemed insulted and affronted and said, his words slurred with alcohol, “That's rich comin fae you.

“Aye, but I'm no an amateur.” Eddie said.

Campbell looked back down at the coffin, “He was a genius. He could have done anything.”

“Aye. So he could.”

Campbell’s face screwed up with pained grief and he made his drunken exit. Y/N didn’t notice her exe, fresh from the hospital after a month of treatments for the injuries she had inflicted upon him limping his way over to Campbell.

“You Campbell Bain?” He asked.

“Who are you?” Campbell asked.

"The real love of your girlfriend's life." Campbell glared as her exe got closer to him, realizing “She will never love you like she loved me and you could never love her like I love her. The harlot.) And then Campbell saw red.

Y/N looked up when she heard a thud and saw Campbell standing over a boy on the ground.

Y/N ran over and stopped her exe from hitting Campbell back but her exe threw a punch aimed at her and Campbell pushed her out of the way… the next thing she knew her exe was being arrested with a bloody nose again.

Eddie, Francine, Rosalie, Campbell, and Y/N reentered Saint Jude’s hospital and they approached the radio station where they heard Rainy Night in Georgia playing and they found an electrician in the studio.

“Who the hell are you?” Eddie asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.” The electrician said.

“I'm the guy who owns that record.”

“Some collector. That's an original Brook Benton version fae nineteen-seventy-eight.

“Nineteen-sixty-nine.” Eddie corrected, “How did you get in here? Naebody's supposed to be in here except authorized staff.”

“I'm the electrician.”

Eddie’s glare hardened, “Right, that's it.” And he started to stuff the electrician's tools in his case.

“What? They don't go in like that!”

“They do the night!” Eddie snapped and he grabbed the electrician by his collar and pushed him out.

“What are you on, pal?” The electrician complained.

“Eddie, Eddie!” Isabel yelled, coming up to them.

“Daft bastard!” The electrician cursed.

“What's the problem?” Isabel asked.

“‘What's the problem’?! Why is he no sedated?”

“He's not a patient!”

“Well, he should be!” The electrician said and then he stormed off.

Isabel turned to Eddie, “It doesn't matter to Fergus now. You're only storing up trouble for yourself!”

“Aye? Well, IT'S EASILY DONE ROUND HERE!”

Y/N took Campbell’s hand and tugged on it, Campbell followed her to her room as she started to take buckled boots off as he awkwardly stood there with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"So… who is he?”

“Electrician that, I wager.” She said, though she knew he wasn’t referring to the electrician.

“Y/N.” Campbell said as Y/N struggled to reach her zipper behind her back. “I get he’s your exe but there’s more to it , isn’t there?” He gently took her zipper and started to pull it down but then she stepped away, hugging her arms across her chest in a defensive manner to keep them from shaking.

She thought about her transition from the incident, how she stopped talking for nearly a year and after only two months of knowing Campbell she started to talk again, she became more… like her but not like she was before. Campbell was the only person who made her feel like her while EX/N tried to make her into someone else. She knew she could trust him; everyone did tell her how utterly smitten he was with her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. She didn’t turn around she just stared her copy of How To Kill a Mockingbird.

(IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE OR DON’T WANT TO READ DESCRIPTION OF UNDERAGED RAPE, SKIP)

"He was my best friend... or more like… he was my only friend. He was nearly four years older than me and for some reason he was my babysitter because my parents didn't trust me. Looking back—I-I should've seen the signs, the red flags. He never knocked even when he knew I would be changing, not even when he would hear me in the shower. He would just stare at me sometimes. He would touch me in inappropriate places but I thought they were innocent. As we got older, it became more sexual, it wasn't just him being a hormonal teenager but him being perverted and actively interested in performing sexual activities with me.”

Campbell dug his nails into his palm with outrage. He had a feeling he knew where this was going and he hated it.

“Then he became obsessed with me when I got into high school and started wearing bras. I was fourteen when he started doing things with me, never over second base but still... I wasn't at the consent age yet. He told me that it was for science and sometimes I woke up to find him... doing things. He pushed my limits, even when I begged him to stop. Sometimes, he brought his friends and whoever they'd invite over, the oldest had to be in his thirties, twice my age and he took pictures of me. He threatened to tell everyone that I had forced myself upon him, if I told anyone. My parents already didn't like me."

"Jesus..." Campbell breathed in horror.

"If I did something he didn't like... he would..." she shuddered, "When he would go too far. He would apologize the next day, and I would always forgive him. Because I was so kind..." She laughed, bitterly with tears in her eyes. "He told me that no one else would ever love me like he did. No one would do things that we did. I hated myself for my compassion but even when I managed to numb myself of my emotions, it was still there."

Campbell both wanted her to stop talking yet keep talking at the same time.

"It wasn't until I was eighteen when he first... on my eighteenth birthday. Coming on a year ago. He promised that things would be different, that he loved me and would show that he loves me. He... he got me drunk but when I still wouldn't consent and fought back, he pretended to sustain and got me some more alcohol, I didn't see him slip in the drug."

Campbell wished he had done something worse than just punch him in the face.

"I was conscious the whole time. He must've cut the pill or something. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move. I pleaded for him to stop but he wouldn't, insisting that I wanted it and when I tried to scream for help, he choked me as hard as he could and banged my head against the floor, and I blacked out but I know he continued. When I woke up, I ached so much and there was so much blood. I was so horrified by what he did to me. I stopped talking. Eight months later, they sent me here. That's why I was so scared when you crashed into me when we first me, why I was so scared of you long after, why I scream whenever any man, especially Stuart would get too close to me. And I was so scared because he found me. I thought he was going to do it again." She started to sob and Campbell pulled her into his lap and she sobbed into the crook of his neck.

"No, he won't. I won't let him. I won't let him near you."

(END OF SKIP. THIS WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN AND I’M DISGUSTED THAT MY MIND CAN GO SO DARK.)

“I don’t think that’s what he wants. He worked with Hollis, he called Fergus’ job and he painted him in a bad light. He drove Fergus to suicide…” She broke into sobs, “What if he goes after Rosalie or Eddie or Francine… or you. I can’t let him hurt you.”

“He won’t. He got arrested for assault. And if you want, you can go and tell the police what he did to you and Fergus and he’ll be in jail, and then I can hire a bodyguard for you when I become a famous DJ.” He said, gently, “do you… do you think you can do that?”

Y/N pulled back and looked at him, her irises several shades of E/C lighter than usual and she nodded and kissed him gently before saying, “You do look good in a suit. Very James Bond.”

“James Bond?” He laughed and then straightened his tie, “Really?”

About a week later, Eddie was sitting rather morosely still as a record spun.

Campbell and Y/N exchanged looks and Campbell grabbed a blindfold and covered Eddie’s eyes with it.

“Freeze! Don't look. What was the name of that record?

“Dream Lover.” Eddie and Y/N said in unison.

“Which was in the British charts for?”

“Nineteen weeks.” They said.

“In?”

“Nineteen-fifty-nine.”

“See? Told you they could do it. Did I not tell you?

“They’re geniuses, they are.”

“Of course, Y/N is. I’m dating her!” Campbell said and kissed Y/N, grinning into the kiss.

“You're still here?” Eddie asked, turning away from the kissing teens.

“Oh aye. If they want to get rid of me, they'll have to catch me first.” Rosalie as the teens parted with Campbell’s arm around her and her head, resting on his shoulder.

“Rosalie's got us all organized for the pilot tomorrow,” Campbell said, “Eddie; it's gonna be brilliant, and I have just come up with the perfect angle.”

“Which is?”

“We are going to be playing a number one hit fae every year from nineteen-fifty-six to nineteen-seventy, aye?”

“And I've got a list here of every number one hit in every one of those years, Eddie.” Rosalie said.

“So at the end of the hour, we invite our listeners to phone in and,” Campbell put on a cheesy American accent, “pit their wits against the master of hits, Doctor Boogie!”

“Who's Doctor Boogie?” Eddie asked.

“You! That's the angle!” Campbell said, enthusiastically, “So, if they can ask a question about any of the hits we've played that you cannae answer, they win a major prize.”

“He's a genius.” Rosalie said.

“Yeah, he is.” Y/N pecked Campbell on the cheek.

“Campbell, this is a recording we're doing. The only folk who are gonna be listening are Paula and a couple of bored guys on their dinner break.”

“Then we'll get them to phone in.” Campbell said.

“What's the major prize?” Eddie asked.

“We just kid on there's a prize. So it can be anything we want! A trip to Graceland by time machine to meet Elvis.”

“Tardis.” Y/N said.

“Lunch with the Archbishop of Canterbury. I don't have to conform to the vagaries of time and space. I'm a loony, for God's sake! Look, a full moon!” He unwrapped his arm from his girlfriend and leapt to the window and imitated the howl of a wolf.

“Get back in here, Doctor Who.” Y/N said, pulling him back in. “You know you do look Gallifreyan.”

“Thought you wanted to keep quiet about that.” Eddie said, referring to Campbell’s pride on being a loony.

“They're no gonnae do to me what they did to Fergus, Eddie. Nobody's gonna find me in a heap on the pavement. I'm gonna flaunt it. I'm gonna exploit it for all it's worth. Because we are loonies and we are proud!”

He started to chant as he exited with Rosalie and Y/N following and chanting along with him, “We are loonies and we are proud! We are loonies and we are proud!”

Then Y/N spotted Rosalie’s social worker down the hall through the doors, “Rosalie, get back in!” Y/N said, backtracking so fast her boots squeaked against the floor. Social worker! Quick! Social worker!”

The three of them ran back into the radio station and helped hide Rosalie in the cupboard, taking the boxes out.

“I shouldn't have tidied the boxes!” Rosalie stressed before they got the boxes out and Rosalie crawled inside the cupboard and Campbell and Y/N closed the doors.

“Act casual!” Y/N said and then Campbell pulled her into his chest and kissed her slowly, gently, and passionately.

Eddie rolled his eyes, though this was accurate with Campbell being outgoing and deeply affectionate to the antisocial and detached Y/N. They some how helped each other. Campbell helped Y/N heal, be more social, and begin to trust again and Y/N helped calm Campbell down and helped him focus on being in the moment… as long as that moment was him being with her and looking at her like she was his whole universe.

Isabel then entered with Stuart and the social worker.

“Ahem.” Isabel said, politely as Campbell made no move to part from Y/N.

“Break it up, you two.” Stuart said, harshly and was about to physically break them apart when Isabel stopped him and wisely Y/N broke the kiss.

Campbell, licking his lips slightly as Y/N fidgeted with her semicolon open bracelet that Campbell had given her a few days ago for their three-month anniversary.

“Have you seen Rosalie? The social worker's here.” Isabel asked.

Campbell briefly puckered his lips out in an innocent fashion as he shook his head, “She's no been in tonight.”

“Haven’t seen her.” Y/N lied, looking at them.

“She came in at half past seven; I saw her.” Stuart said, sharply.

“Well, she's not here now.” Campbell said pointedly.

“Did you not notice?” Y/N snarked, innocently, looking around the rather small space and giving Stuart a pitying look.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Stuart challenged.

“No, Stuart, I'm calling you stupid!” Campbell shot back.

“That’s an understatement.” Y/N said.

“Eddie, what are those boxes doing out?” Isabel asked, referring to the boxes they had taken out.

“Ehm,” Eddie said, hesitantly, “Campbell, Y/N, and I have been doing some organizing.” Campbell and Y/N nodded.

“Well, could you put them back in the cupboard now? They could be a fire hazard.” Isabel asked.

“Uh... we're still working with them.

“Nurse said tae put them back in the cupboard!” Stuart demanded.

“It's all right, Stuart.” Isabel tried to push him back but he moved forth towards the boxes.

But Campbell moved in front of Stuart and defiantly said, “But we're still working with them. How low an IQ do you need for your job?” He pushed Stuart in the chest

Stuart then seized Campbell, shouting, “I'll break you like a matchstick—!”

Isabel, Eddie, and Y/N tried to wrestle them apart until Y/N voice thundered above the rest.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!” Y/N roared, grabbing Stuart’s arm and then kneeing him in the stomach, kung fu-style.

“OOF!” He stumbled back as Isabel pushed him back as Eddie pulled Y/N back before she committed her third act of physical assault.

“All right! No one's going to break anyone else like a match!” Isabel said and then went to the cupboard where Rosalie was hiding and knocked, “Rosalie? Do you want to come out now before we end up with blood all over the floor?

Rosalie conceded and emerged from the cupboard as Campbell took Y/N from Eddie, glaring at Stuart.

“Rosalie, this is Linda Foster, the psychiatric social worker; she'd like to have a word.” Isabel introduced.

Rosalie nodded without enthusiasm and left with the social worker, Isabel, and Stuart.

At night, Campbell was on Y/n's bed and was strumming his guitar before stopping as he noticed Y/N starting to get tired.

“Hey, come here.” He pulled her into his chest and pulled the blanket over the both of them. It was quiet as he pondered something, ““Where’d you learn to do that? What you did to Stuart?”

“After EX/N, I took some classes.” She mumbled and he pulled her closer against him.

“Come with me to Radio Scotland. I want you there. Please.”

Y/N looked up at him and nodded before snuggling into his neck. “Mmm-hmm.”

Soon he felt her breathing get deeper and slower.

“Y/N? Y/N?” He said, softly but nothing. “I love you.” He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes to sleep.

Y/N stood with Campbell stacking a box of Uncle Ben's rice, an alarm clock, a box of beans, and a fire extinguisher on the mixing desk while Eddie was in the bathroom.

Then Eddie came back and Y/N turned to Campbell, “Good luck.” She smiled and kissed his cheek before turning but Campbell pulled her back for a loving and soft kiss. He broke the kiss and she turned to leave, entering the control room with Paula as Paula’s assistant handed her a cup of hot chocolate like she asked.

“Thank you, um, what was it?”

“Um, River.” He said in an American accent.

“River, thank you.” She said and sat next to Paula.

Paula pushed the button and spoke into the microphone to them, “You ready, boys?”

Campbell looked at her and nodded, grinning before his eyes going to River, making his smile falter and his eyes narrow but he forced himself to brush it off.

“Is it me or does Eddie look like he died ten minutes ago?” Y/N asked in a rather sardonic tone.

“Eddie, you okay?”

Eddie turned to look at them, “Aye, yeah.”

“Then let's do it. Four, three, two, one, go.” Paula said.

Campbell started the intro in a confident voice, “This is Campbell Bain and this is my alarm clock. It's also a clue. Doctor Boogie has just ten seconds to guess our first number one hit. The year is nineteen-fifty-six.” He set off the alarm clock.

When they got back to Saint Jude’s hospital, Campbell and Eddie sang loudly as they entered.

“WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! BECAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! ‘CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!” They passed Francine and Rosalie, “OF THE WORLD!”

“You got on okay, I take it?” Francine asked.

“Okay?! We practically set fire to the place!” Campbell exclaimed.

“Which explains the fire extinguisher.”

“And you'll never believe what happened.”

“They sectioned the both of youse.” Rosalie teased and laughed.

“Sectioned? You don't section a genius! You say,” Then he imitated Paula, ‘You did really well.’ You say, ‘Come see me on Thursday, Eddie.’ Because you know what I learned today? That the only difference between lunacy and genius is timing! Set off a fire extinguisher in a shrink's office and he'll have you locked up. Do it in front of an audience and it's high farce!” He grabbed Rosalie’s notebook. “It's time to start making lists full of the great things you're going to do, Rosalie. Instead of, ‘twelve bottles of disinfectant spray’, put” He punched his fist in the air, ‘climb the highest mountain’! Instead of ‘large box of scourers’, put ‘cross the deepest ocean’! Instead of ‘one case of Dettol’.” He had kept looking down to read what she had written before pausing to ask in an incredulous tone, “—what the hell are you planning here, Rosalie?”

“It's just my discharge.” Rosalie said.

Campbell’s smile faded and he exchanged looks with Eddie, Y/N, and Francine.

“When?” Eddie asked.

“Friday. They've found me a place in a bed and breakfast.” Rosalie said with false brightness.

“What about the supported accommodation?” Francine asked.

“I'm still on the waiting list.” Rosalie said and then she got a reminiscing look in her eyes.“There used to be this bed and breakfast in Bundoran, where Jim and me used to take Robbie every summer. It was all whitewashed, with wee brass ornaments in the hallway. I don't suppose this place'll be like that, though.”

“You'll still be station manager. You know that.” Eddie told her.

“Aye. It's nice to belong somewhere.” Rosalie said, trying not to cry. and then she looked at Y/N, “Oh, and Y/N, Isabel said there was someone here for you.”

“Oh. O-okay.” Y/N stuttered and she looked at Campbell who nodded at the door like, go. We got this.

Y/N walked down the hall before Stuart grabbed her arm, “You, loony. Come with me.” He jerked her along with him and pushed her into Isabel’s office.

“Ah, Y/N. I would like to speak to you about your section.”

On Thursday, Campbell was badgering Eddie so he turned to him and said, “I told you, I'm just going to go and find out what they thought of the pilot.”

“But what if they make us an offer on the spot?” Campbell asked.

“Then I'll take it on the spot!”

“On what terms? We've gotta be clear on this!”

“Aye, I've written it all down for you, so I have.” Rosalie agreed.

“I've got to go!” Eddie exclaimed and walked down the hall with them following, Y/N staying silent.

“Number one: what exactly is our offer? Number two: will there be a trial period?” Rosalie said.

“I'm telling you, Campbell, there's no gonna be an offer at this meeting.” Eddie sighed.

“Number three, if so, for how long?” Rosalie continued.

“And do you have to wear that jacket?” Campbell complained.

“What's wrong with it?” Eddie asked.

“Number four, if there is a trial period, will the contract be non-exclusive during that time?

“It makes you look like a double-glazing salesman!” Campbell answered.

"Number five, what will the format of the show be?”

“This is gonna be it, Eddie—"

“Look, is nobody listening to me? I took the trouble to make this list and I don't want you going out of here without it, all right?” Rosalie complained.

Eddie then grabbed the list out of Rosalie’s hands, “I'll treasure it always.” He kissed the paper, “See you tonight.” Then he left.

Campbell smiled, he looked at Rosalie and then Y/N, raking a hand through his hair before seeing the blank look on Y/N’s face.

“You alright? You’ve been quiet all morning.”

“I have to make a phone call.” She said and turned around towards the phones but Isabel stopped her.

“Y/N, it’s time for your appointment.”

“Y/N L/N.” A man’s voice called thirty minutes later.

Y/N got up and walked towards the voice, “Hello, I’m Doctor Cairns.” He held out his hand to shake her and she hesitantly did so before going to sit down as he went to the other side of the desk.

“How long have you been with us? Fifteen weeks?”

“About so yes.”

“And until about two weeks ago, you finally told the therapists why you went silent. Because your ex-boyfriend…”

“Boyfriend’s a bit of a reach. More I was constantly taken advantage of and blackmailed into being silent.” She said, bluntly.

“Y-yes. But you’ve been talking for over two months now and I hear you’ve been dating another patient, the manic depressive, Campbell Bain in that time.”

“Yes."

"And your... your ex was recently imprisoned and he’s being sent back to (H/T/N) to be tried.”

“Yes, that is correct.” She nodded, staring determinedly at her semicolon bracelet.

“We’ve decided that you’re ready to go back in the outside world.” Y/N didn’t react, her heart just jumped into her throat. “Unfortunately, your parents… they don’t want you to move back in with them.”

“Because their daughter was raped by a family friend’s son who they let babysit her and they had publically defended him?” Y/N smiled with sardonicism. “Yeah, I expected that.”

“Something along those lines. But we can set up living accommodations with you somewhere else.” Cairns said. “Perhaps one in Glasgow.

“I have some family money that I became eligible to use when I turned eighteen. Maybe I could buy a house.”

“The thing is, I would prefer you to live with someone else in case there’s an incident.”

“An incident in which I punch someone.”

“You hospitalized two people.”

“Doctor Hollis killed Fergus!” She snapped and leaned back into her chair. “I have some cousins living in Edinburgh, one of them knew what had happened, I could ask her.”

“Babe, are you okay? You’ve been quiet all day.” Campbell asked that night. “Is it because Rosalie’s being discharged tomorrow.”

“I’m being discharged.” She said, quietly and prepared to watch his reactions but they were anything but subtle.

He dropped his guitar with a series of discord notes as his jaw dropped too.

“You’re… you’re leaving? Back to H/T/N?” He sounded heartbroken.

“Yes. Um… this week. They decided since I had started talking and because EX/N was sent back to H/T/N, so there’s no reason for me to be scared anymore. Because I’m better. You made me better, Campbell.”

“But I don’t want you to go…” His voice trembled.

“Here’s the thing. Sit down.” She patted her bed but he didn’t move. “My parents don’t want me back in H/T/N. They don’t want to be judged as the parents who let their friend’s son rape and blackmail their daughter.” He furrowed his eyebrows out of judgement for her parents and confusion and wonder for where she was going with this as he sat down on the bed next to her. “And when I turned eighteen, I was eligible to some family money and I called my cousin and she agreed to come down and transfer to Glasgow University and we could share a house. So I could be close to you… and-and the radio station.”

“You-you’d do that for me?” He asked, uncharacteristically shyly.

“Yeah. I mean, I know it’s only been two months but I like you. Unless you don’t… if you think that’s too much…”

He quieted her with a kiss, “I’d love it. I don’t want to lose you. We have passes tomorrow, we can go look at houses together after Rosalie leaves.”

She smiled and he kissed her sweetly, “Just don’t leave me.” He said, pulling back, “Before you… no girl would even look at me twice, and barely once. But then I met this impossibly shy and beautifully broken girl. And I knew she was just the kindest soul because I would talk constantly and she would listen. Not hear me, but actually listen. And it was the best day of my life. Because that girl was you.”

The next morning, Campbell and Y/N were helping Rosalie make sure she had everything, reading off her list.

“Dettol.” Campbell read.

“Check.” Y/N confirmed.

“Scourers.”

“Check.”

“Toilet bleach.”

“What does toilet bleach look like?” Y/N asked.

Campbell reached for pick it up from beside the suitcase when Rosalie appeared and snapped sternly, “Don't touch it! I'll get it. Check.”

“Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and hairbrush.” Campbell finished.

“Check, check, check, check.” She started to close the suitcase as Campbell tossed the notebook into the case, “Well. Suppose this is cheerio.”

Then she held out her hand to Francine who then shook it, then she did the same to Campbell, Y/N, and Eddie.

“Good luck, huh?” Eddie asked.

“Now, I want youse to notice that I shook hands with you lot without the use of major tranquilizers, which just goes to show how well I am these days.”

“Come on. I'm going tae work. I'll give you a lift in.” Eddie said and he left with Rosalie.

Isabel came in and said, “Y/N, your cousin’s here.”

“Great, let’s go!” Campbell grabbed Y/N’s hand and pulled her along.

“Well. That place was depressing.” C/N declared, driving away from the place the obvious drug dealer had up for rent.

“I liked that first house. The blue one with the two rooms.” Campbell said, “It was only like a fifteen-minute drive from the hospital.”

“Yeah, I did too but could we stop at the first spot on the list.”

“Oh, Y/N even with our family money, that’s a bit pricey.”

“I-I know but it might be within our price limit someday.”

C/N drove them to a house—well, it was more of a mansion. A rather quirky mansion.

“This cannot be within your price limit.” Campbell shook his head, “Unless are you rich?”

“I, uh, actually found this house while I was researching real estate a few weeks into our relationship. For when you become a famous DJ and if we make it.”

Campbell looked at her, “We? As in you and me as a couple?”

“I know that’s freaky as we’ve been dating two months and I’ve hospitalized two people and my ex harassed you. And I’m probably messing it up now but…”

“Hey.” Campbell said, taking her hand, “I love it. I mean you’ve met me right, I’m a total loon. I bugged you for a month and a half until you talked to me.”

Eddie entered the studio later where he had been heatedly discussing something with Y/N when he spotted Eddie approaching the studio and pushed him into the studio, “Eddie! Jesus! Where have you been?”

“Working. What's up?”

“How did you no tell me about this? How'd you not warn me?” Campbell demanded.

“About what?”

“Paula has been on the phone to me today.”

“Oh.” Eddie said,

Campbell started to pace back and forth, while gesturing, “She seemed to think I knew all about it. ‘Aye,’ I said, ‘He told me all about your meeting.’ But it seems there was a few wee details you left out.” He put his hands on his hips.

“I'm sorry. I—” Eddie stammered.

“I know what you thought. You thought, I'd just get agitated. I'm a manic-depressive, so how no?”

“That's not what I thought.” Eddie defended himself.

“But did you never stop to consider that one day a fish bone might get stuck in the throat of history, and that we'd be standing here, like we are now, at the door of destiny, and totally unprepared for it?

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asked.

“The fish bone? The one that got stuck in David Thompson's throat?” Campbell clarified.

“Who?”

“Their Sunday afternoon DJ! He got a fish bone stuck in his throat last night, was rushed to Casualty, and they've asked us to take his Gold Show! Today!” Campbell said, excitedly.

Eddie swallowed nervously, “...I'm no ready.”

“Well neither am I, but we're gonna have to go for it!” Campbell said, his voice squeaking with excitement.

“No, no, I'm really no ready!” Eddie refused.

“Paula said we could use David's running order, but if we leave now, we can choose some stuff ourselves.” Campbell said.

“I'm no ready.

“She said she'll be there to take us through everything. And you don't have to worry about here; Francine's gonna taking our show straight off the air. Y/N’s coming with us, of course.”

“I'm no ready, Campbell!”

“Eddie, you've been waiting for this moment most of your life. When exactly did you think you'd be ready? Now let's go!” Campbell exclaimed and grabbed his jacket and then Y/N’s hand and they rushed out of the station.

Campbell left Y/N to thrust records into Eddie’s arms.

“Eddie! Come on!” Campbell complained.

Campbell looked up at Y/N through the glass, seeing her give her an encouraging smile that melted his insides.

He pushed the fader up and spoke with his usual insane enthusiasm, “Kicking off the Gold Show and standing in for David Thompson is me, Campbell Bain, and Doctor Boogie, professor of pop, soul, and rock and roll! In today's competition we invite you to pit your wits against the master of hits himself!

"If you can ask me any verifiable question on any of the titles that we play today that I cannae answer, you win... the grand prize!" Eddie said.

"What is the grand prize, you ask? I am holding in my hand a rare copy of 'Mandolins in the Moonlight' by Perry Como, from nineteen-fifty -eight. And unless you can stump Doctor Boogie,” Then he imitated a scary gravelly voice, “we're actually going to play it! How about it, Gold-Diggers? Just phone 041-357-9719 to try and stop me!”

He put on Don’t Play That Song For Me (You Lied) by Aretha Franklin and started the challenge.

“Uh, no, caller, I'm afraid Jim Morrison couldnae have written Bright Side of the Road—” Eddie told the caller.

“Because he was dead at the time, right, Doctor Boogie?” Campbell finished.

“Aye, a definite liability, but it did give Van Morrison a chance to write it instead.” Eddie added.

At another caller called with something and Campbell responded with,“Well, unless you can prove that Wilson Pickett had a boa constrictor called Hugo, I'm gonna have to disqualify that!”

Another caller asked about an Elvis song and Eddie said, “And it's become one of the most covered songs in rock 'n' roll since Elvis' death.” Eddie said and apparently the caller questioned Elvis’ death because Eddie then said as Paula laughed while on the phone and Y/N laughed along with her, “Aye! 1977! It was in all the papers!”

He looked at Campbell who made an incredulous face to both Eddie and Y/N.

At some point, Eddie looked at the clock and said, “And it's 3:47—

“Still thirteen minutes left to try and stump Doctor Boogie,” Campbell declared and put on the gravely voice again, “if you cannn!”

Y/N looked at Paula who seemed to be making quite a few phone calls and she turned to tugged on River’s vest and said something to him while nodding at Campbell and Eddie and then to Paula.

Thirteen minutes later in which both River and Y/N spoke to Paula which Eddie kept glancing nervously at, before Paula gave Campbell and Eddie a cut-off signal.

They had Eddie drive them back as Campbell kept eyeing Y/N suspiciously after seeing how she was with River and couldn’t help but be jealous.

“So, Y/N… getting cozy with the cute assistant.”

She looked at him as he preteneded not to care.

“River?”

“Oh, he has a name?” He grumbled.

“I’m just meeting him for lunch tomorrow…”

Campbell turned to her, now getting a bit agitated and definitely jealous, “You’re going on a date with him.”

“No. We’re going to talk about you two. They wanted an opinion by someone that wasn’t either of you but close enough to you two to get the full scoop.” Y/N said, “Besides he has a girlfriend. She’s planning on being true crime radio dramatist. She’s going to have her own station where she talks about true crimes.”

“Oh.” Campbell seemed a lot happier by now as Eddie turned up the radio to drown them out.

It was awkward before Campbell said loudly, “So, Y/N’s being discharged this week!”

The brakes screeched as Eddie stopped the car in shock.

Once they reentered Saint Jude’s, they were greeted with applause and cheers.

“Friends, loonies: as Neil Armstrong said on that fateful day when he first put his foot on the moon...” He announced and then shouted, “WE ARE LOONIES, AND WE ARE PROUD!”

The crowd and Y/N chanted along with Campbell, “We are loonies, and we are proud!”

Y/N spotted Stuart who didn’t try to restrain anyone and that’s when she realized something was wrong. Stuart wasn’t being violent towards innocent mental health patients.

The door opened and a Scottish Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (or SSPCA) officer entered. Y/N’s smile fell.

Francine’s kittens.

Francine spotted it too and cried out, “NOOO!”

She tried to stop him but Stuart restrained her as she screamed and the chanting stopped.

“NO! LEAVE THEM ALONE! STOP! YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM! NO! YOU CANNAE TAKE THEM!” Francine screamed while Y/N picked the lock to Stuart’s office.

Eddie tried to help her but some of the patients held him back, “Easy, easy!”

The SSPCA officer carried the kittens out in a cage as Y/N emerged from Stuart’s office with a belt—one for particularly violent patients that he hasn’t used as much as he thought he would. Not even close.

Y/N whipped Stuart’s back, making him shout in pain and release Francine as Campbell grabbed Y/N’s hand and pulled her away from Stuart before he realized what it was her who had done it as she dropped the belt.

Francine didn’t get far before Stuart grabbed her again.

"Let her go, will ya!” Eddie shouted, “Let her go!”

Campbell’s pride and happiness had faded into terrified worry.

Eddie managed to push Stuart off of Francine and onto the ground, but then he got up and grabbed Eddie by the lapels and snarled out, “I've waited ages to do this!” Then he headbutted Eddie in the face, cracking his nose, Eddie collapsed, smearing blood on the doorframe as Francine kept screaming.

Y/N was by Eddie’s side as Isabel was the only other person to show sympathy, asking gently, “Do you want me to do something for that?”

“Do you no realize what you've done?” Eddie demanded before shouting, “DOES NAEBODY REALIZE WHAT THEY'VE DONE?!”

“What are you going to do about that, princess?” Stuart sneered at Y/N as she calmly examined Eddie and the patients drifted away.

She looked at him. He wanted her to be violent so her section would be renewed so he could torture her longer. But she didn’t.

She stood up with fury in her eyes, it was hard to tell whether it was more ice-cold or fiery hot.

“You’re pathetic. You’re not helping, you don’t try to help. All you do and every ‘sane’ person does is crush our hopes and dreams by destroying the very things that help us heal. You give us no chance to show that we’ve gotten better and declare us as violent when you’re the violent one. I only hurt people who hurt people I love. Hollis only saw Fergus as a guinea pig and he fucking died because of it. You took those kittens from Francine because they made her happy. They started to heal what was broken unlike you because you will never be able to heal what has been broken in you. Because you don’t care. You don’t care for the patients and you ignore our needs and feelings and are completely and utterly blind to our skills.”

“Skills?” Stuart scoffed like it was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard, “What skills?”

“Remember Campbell’s first broadcast? You doubted that Fergus could fix the mixer. What was it you said? ‘He couldn’t get his brain going again’? And it turns out he had a master’s degree and was a genius. Because he was a loony, you assumed he was stupid. But he wasn’t you’re the one who can’t get his brain working. You shouldn’t be restraining loonies, you should be locked up in your own solitary room in a straightjacket.”

10 notes · View notes

mermer404 · 6 months

Note

just a wild guess /gen: i think people are mad at audible because they are only acknowledging israel and not both israel and palestine at the very least?

also “tragic events in the middle east” is how audible phrased it. not OP.

it’s entirely tone deaf to give 6 months of free books in the first place when people are literally dying. but the overarching problem is also that audible chose to not speak up on the genocide happening nor chose to at least promote palestinian literature.

it’s less about dehumanising israelis and more about the obvious favouritism, y’know?

also, as admirable as the link for donations to the red crescent, it’s not of much use to palestinians right now because there are blockades places and they cannot receive any aid or relief. in fact, hospitals in palestine as of right now, are not even able to treat their patients. and, the banks are destroyed so there is no way for anyone to withdraw money in gaza (as reported by journalists on site)

would be much more helpful if you shared links to ceasefire petitions and BDS-approved boycott lists that directly fund the IDF.

tbh i feel like even israelis should boycott audible that was such performative activism from them.

Hi anon!

I'm responding to this because you're genuine and you're polite, which I appreciate. So many people don't bother with human decency, I want to acknowledge it. You are a person just like me trying real hard just like me and I want to send you my appreciation rather than ignore you.

However, I feel like you missed my point entirely. Maybe some time I will go over it point by point in detail with sources and shit, because you seem a decent person and maybe we could have an actual conversation, but we are it seems on very different pages and putting us on the same page would be a lot of work. A lot of what you said is misleading or only part of the picture, but I am very very tired and very sad, I can't do this right now. People I know have died and my heart aches. You understand that, I hope. Talking about this just makes me sadder. Can only do a little bit at a time, you know?

In short:

In case that wasn't clear: what is happening in Palestine (to avoid the "SiTuAtiON 😐" lingo it's being bombed and invaded, thousands of people are dead, probably tens of thousands even, most civillians and many children) is deeply deeply sad and upsetting. A dead child is a dead child and I am angered and hurt by it just the same. Civilian death is sad no matter what side they are on.

I am not your enemy. Our relationship may be complicated, but in many ways we are allies.

It is tone deaf but I didn't expect better from Amazon. This is a stupid publicity trick, it's pathetic. I did — god have pity on my poor soul — expect better from fellow leftists. This "😐" is the exact same patronizing indifference, done in the most stupid passive-aggressive way, that's the shit I'm talking about. This is how they talk about us, if not much worse.

I don't know how into social media you are, but if you've noticed: people talk a lot about Palestine (which again, is important) but they do not mention, not in one word in their dozens of posts on the topic, what happened on October 7th. If you get a lot of your info on social media, maybe you didn't know about it either. I empathize with what you are saying, I feel that kind of pain on my skin, because those same people are doing that to us. When people were being burned alive in their homes, children abused and shot, girls raped to the point of their bodies breaking, these same people were silent. I understand what you are talking about, deeply. Many of these people are upset when companies or celebraties do this kind of one sided thing and then go on to do the same to Israelis. When my people were dying, terribly, in horrific ways, they turned a blind eye, and that hurt, deeply. Especially as a Jewish person.

Donations do not only "get stuck" situationally, they are for the most part pocketed by Hamas, have been for years. It's one of the most rich terrorist organizations in the world, and a lot of it is money from people like you. The red crescent is one of the very few more reliable charities. I do unironically hope people donate — but they probably won't. This was meant to highlight the entire bullshitery of the situation. I'm well aware donations can be of little use. It's much more use than any of this garbage, though.

The BDS are a shitty antisemitic organization and I am kindly discouraging you from supporting them. I was going to link why they are shitty and antisemitic + peace organizations and charities you can participate and donate to instead but honestly I am so tired and I just want to cry. Do your own research. You got this.

Israelis' friends and family are dead. They are crying and aching while people here type away. Even with that, many are doing incredible amounts of activism — making food, donating clothes, delivering it all to the hundreds of thousands of people who've been forced to leave their homes near the borders. This is just one example. They are doing so much more than boycotting Amazon, which is honestly, excuse my french, a shitty lazy pathetic form of activism, that is basically what my post was about. People have been focusing on boycotts and random internet bullshit on Twitter instead of what really matters. Even the calls for ceasefire — Hamas have never in the history of its existence withheld a ceasefire agreement, and 240 civilians, 30 of them children, are still held hostage. Activism from the international pro-Palestine movements has been often useless, simplistic, ignorant and sometimes straight up violent. Just a few days ago a man was killed in a pro-Palestine protest. I don't want to discourage activism, quite the opposite. But people are so shit at it, meanwhile my people here and my brothers & sisters over the border are dying. Do you understand my frustration?

If this is what works for you I get that. The world is shit and you do anything to get a sense of control back. But I've lost too much and ache too much to have any time, energy or respect for the kind of bullshit these people have been up to.

If this is too harsh, or hurt your feelings, I am sorry. Again, the way I see it, you are my ally and I am yours. I hope you understand what I am saying and know my heart is with you. I hope your heart is with me, too.

Thank you for caring. Stay safe.

8 notes · View notes

holocene-sims · 1 year

Text

next // previous

july 2, 2021 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling center

[margot] i should ask. were you given adequate space and time to grieve your sister’s death as a child?

[grant] no, not really. the rest of my family tried to but i so strongly refused to talk that no matter how much they tried to get me to work through it, i wouldn’t do it. i learned to keep my mouth shut about my grief. i used to be a lot more open about my feelings but that all changed when elizabeth died. i didn't want to anymore.

[grant] and at home, obviously i didn’t talk about it. that’s where i learned to hide my feelings. i wasn't allowed to have any there.

[grant] i remember while my sister was sick, she had to be the one to tell me everything that was going on with her. she even had to break the news to me alone when she was first diagnosed. any time her cancer was discussed in front of my parents, my mom would totally lose her mind and have these super terrifying emotional outpourings, and if i said even like, “oh my god, i'm so sad,” she’d scream at me and tell me she had it worse since she was the parent.

[grant] see, look, i'm trying not to avoid. you have me actually talking about something nobody besides my family knows about. i didn't even tell any of my exes about that part.

[margot] the loss of a child is very painful, but that doesn’t mean the other members of the family don’t suffer as well. siblings, grandparents, cousins...everyone feels the loss intimately.

[grant] i can’t tell you what my dad thought about it all. like he was about everything, he didn’t express his feelings or thoughts at all. i never saw him cry even. he got close at the funeral, but you know, my mom shut down his emotions, too. i know he did love elizabeth and does miss her, but it’s just logical. he won’t say that.

[grant] kelly was the same way.

[grant] you know something else?

[grant] i told you elizabeth had a lot of hopes and none of them came true. for one, elizabeth really couldn’t get away from my mom’s wishes even in death.

[margot] oh?

[grant] so, my sister refused to do any kind of cancer treatment. when they found the cancer, it had already spread beyond the point of no return. she had ovarian cancer but it was all the way in her lungs and everything. even in her brain. a couple months later and it was literally everywgere. and i know, ovarian cancer is not super common in teenagers, but like i was talking about with my cousin the other day, it’s the side effect of a horrible family history with cancer.

[grant] anyway, she didn’t want treatment, and she just wanted palliative care when it got to be too much for her to handle. it took a while because she wasn’t very symptomatic at first. she also didn’t want a DNR and didn’t want to be sent to the hospital if she got sick or something.

[grant] then she got some kind of infection. i can’t really remember what, but it pushed her over the edge and all her organs started failing, and she hit the point of not being in a clear state of mind, and my mom took advantage of that and sent her to the hospital.

[grant] don’t ask me those details because i can’t remember what happened. my sister had a DNR, but whatever was done obviously didn’t break that. still, it was definitely extending her life past what she would have wanted.

[grant] and so she died in the hospital when she wanted to go at home.

[grant] i remember the very moment when she died, too. still makes me feel sick. like when i think about it, i feel like i'm going to die right now in the same way.

[margot] that’s tragic she lost her ability to choose. she deserved the right to die peacefully at home like she wanted. that wasn't fair to her to steal that choice. and, um, were you there when she died?

[grant] i was in there by myself.

[margot] oh, i'm so sorry. that’s...i have no words. i'm so terribly sorry.

[grant] my parents and grandparents did not get along, but my parents, i guess, respected their place in the family enough to call them when my sister was put in the hospital that night.

[grant] my parents left to get them downstairs and my other sister left to get coffee. i refused to leave. you know, actually, i was under the age of thirteen, so it was against the rules for me to be in the ICU as a visitor alone, but no one kicked me out or sent me with them.

[grant] maybe, like, five minutes later, she pretty much suffocated to death and her heart just quit. and she was gone. i could hear my whole family outside arguing about my mom’s decision to put her in the hospital when it happened.

[grant] i very, very distinctly remember how, um, gruesome her death seemed, and that’s it. after that, it’s super blurry. i think i might have cried in the doctor’s arms for a hot second before my grandma came and got me. i think my grandpa bought me some candy from a vending machine to kind of halfway distract me. can’t remember anything else.

[grant] i can still see the worst part of that night in my head, though. even right now. the actual trauma has stayed with me. the image is there. right now. and it won't leave.

[grant] at least she got a nice funeral. it was a horrible, horrible day for me...for all of us...but she got what she wanted on that day. except for maybe what day of the week it was on. the choice of day would hurt her so deeply.

[grant] i'll just say this. i hate birthdays. they’re all ruined for me. every single one of them. all i can think about any birthday is death.

#tw cancer #tw death mention #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 screenshots #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: margot

22 notes · View notes

littleragondin · 9 months

Text

Thai BL Favorite List

I have been tagged by @troubled-mind thank you so much!

Credit to @thatgirl4815 for the original.

Favorite Thai BL:

Until We Meet Again. I have seen my fair share of BL now, especially Thai, but somehow, I always come back to this one. I think it just packs up SO many things I love. Soulmates, sure, but also great friendships, two very different romantic dynamics I both really enjoy, tragedy but with the hope and reassurance that things actually do get better, and maybe most of all incredible family and siblings’ history and relationships. I love the story, the way it’s told and the time it takes to weave itself, I love the characters and the cast, how it looks and the music. I have seen it a few times now and it still has the same grip on my heart than when I first watched it week after week when it came out.

Favorite Pairing:

While I don’t really like the concept of fixed pairing (let actors mix up! Surprise me! Make me fall in love with improbable pairs!), I’d lie if I say there are no actor duo I really enjoy seeing together so. I will say that I am very fond of and happy to get to see JamFilm again and will 100% track whatever they do together after that if it ever happens.

And there is something I find especially adorable in JoongDunk, I have to say (don’t ask me to explain, just cute).

Most underrated actor:

I pondered over that one for a long time, as there are many actors I’d love to see more recognized and all. But I will go with Big Thanakorn. I greatly enjoyed him in everything I have seen him in, and at this point I really would like a nice main role for him (where he f i n a l l y get the goddamn boy please and thank you).

(*whispers* also please look at him)

Favorite Character:

Just… just one? Do you also want me to pick a single child to save? CRUEL. PITILESS. (ಡ‸ಡ)

Okay, okay, OKAY. Probably the hardest one of the whole bunch because my heart is huge and houses many m a n y characters whom I love dearly. But I think if I had to pick only one, I would go with In Chatpokin from UWMA. He is so bright and so brave, he loves so much and so sincerely, and he is so tragically young. He's flawed, in the way humans and young people are, but he's just.. he feels like someone I would also love in real life, and I do think he is fantastic as a character. So, yeah, I'd pick In.

Favorite Side Character:

Once again after long deliberation etc etc... I will go with Rit from Triage. I was so incredibly invested in his survival and happiness it was borderline ridiculous. He was sweet and tragic and deserved so much better than the cards he had been handed at the start! I could have handled any end where he was doing ok that's how much i loved him (tho to be fair all the secondary characters in that show were great). Could not find a gif so have a still for him!

Favorite Scene in a BL:

That one is subject to change as often as the weather because I am a fickle beast, but brain provided the 'morning after' scene from Ghost Host, Ghost House. The quiet normalcy of it, the way they laugh and smile at each other, I really adored that scene.

Favorite Line in a BL:

I have a terrible memory and I can't really remember a lot of exact lines from the BL I have seen. EXCEPT I actually know a lot of lines from "To Sir, With Love" which must means something (it means i have khun chai brain rot, mainly) so that's where my pick will come from. And I think, both because of what it says about the character and his struggles and desires, and the way it is delivered (which always breaks my heart) it has to be:

"So my mother had to keep the secret that I like men. If everyone knows, the Song family will be ruined because of me. I don’t want to be the head of the association. I never wanted to. I just want to be me."

(not the scene I'm quoting but the emotion is The SameTM)

Most Anticipated BL (and why):

Right now I think it has to be a tie between I Feel You Linger in the Air (time travel! Costume drama! Pain! Women in love! Also excited to see more of Nonkul whose cameo in “Oh No! Here Comes Trouble” I really enjoyed)

and The Whisperer (horror! Fluke with long hair! Murder and mystery! Blood! Horror again! Did I mention Fluke with long hair?!).

Healthiest Relationship in BL:

We are getting more and more of those, aren't we? Making the choice more difficult but for once, a nice problem to have I'd say. I have seen some excellent choices but I think I will go with all the relationships in Secret Crush on You. Intouch and Daisy are OBVIOUS in how respectful and adorable they are, SkyJao make an excellent show of being respectful of your partner's desires and boundaries as well as the importance of being open about your vulnerability, and even TohNueah ok? Yes, yes they both are SUPER weird and borderline (to straight up) creepy BUT they learn to talk it out and to compromise so they can harmonize their weirdness into something that is respectful of the other. I'll pick the rainbow babies.

Most Toxic Relationship in BL:

I mean, I saw TT so … But ignoring this one, my mind immediately went to Mork/Pi from FUTS. As much as I wanted to like it, I just think that between the manipulation and the way it always follow the 'Mork insists it's best and Pi yields despite his objections and discomfort' formula, this is a recipe for disaster. (also I love Pi SO DAMN MUCH and I just want to pluck him out of there)

Guilty Pleasure Series:

I try to not feel guilty about things I enjoy, especially not on there. But if it's something I would not necessarily recommend when I want to look like I have refined tastes... I'd pick Rakdiao I think. It's a sitcom with all the genre imply from the humor to the taped laughs and over played reactions but I loved it! It's super silly and the characters are a bit cartoonish, but it's pretty and fun and when it picks up the relationship between Rak and Diao is actually really nice. And there are some genuine moments of really well acted emotions that I love replaying (Rak's realization that he loved Diao? ART)

Most Underrated Series:

So many of them! I’m so happy to see “He’s Coming to Me” second rising because it’s deserved, I do hope Suar’s success in La Pluie will lead people to give “You’re My Sky” a chance (because it’s great and so so SO pretty), and I hope people will watch “To Sir, with love” for more JamFilm post Laws of Attraction. But for this one I will pick two other shows (I know I know) that I feel deserve to have more people give it a chance (and that will feed into my ‘a sad story is not a bad story’ agenda).

First is “The Miracle of Teddy Bear”. It took me some time before I started this one because the echo I heard about it were so negative it kind of turned me off. And I think it’s a tragedy! Not only because I loved it (which I obviously did), but also because it has an extremely talented cast, it had so much to say about so many important things, while being very honest all along about the story it was telling. I think it’s underappreciated mostly because people wanted another story told (I know some people said the ending came out of nowhere and like… I could not disagree harder! It was the natural conclusion to that story!) and because I think Nut is an incredibly misunderstood character (I loved him beyond words, and he made me think so much of when @bengiyo said “y’all don’t like gay men when we’re not pretty, funny, sexy, or entertaining” because yes, most of the time he really is none of those things, he’s hurt and angry and he has ugly reactions and MAN I felt SO much for him). I mean sure, be aware that it’s not just a fluffy comedy before you get into it, and it has its flaws too, but I think it told a beautiful story that had a lot of heart in it – and for that it does deserve more chance, and if you were toying with the idea of watching this one, consider this your sign to actually try it!

Second, I will say “Something in My Room”. I really enjoyed that one, not only because I have a soft spot for ghosts (tho if you follow me, you know I do), but because I thought it had a pretty solid story in there, and once again it’s a story that stayed true to what it was telling. It’s necessary to watch the uncut version (the cut one is apparently taking off huge plot-central moments), but I think it deserved more attention than it got. The cast is really good once again, it has a lot of fantastic and complex female characters, I think Nut Supanut was an absolute DELIGHT in this one (with an adorable smile), and while it sometimes wavers a little on some of the things it touches upon, generally speaking it was a solid little show (I especially liked the theater show, and everything with Big’s character alien metaphor). (also it has Big in glasses and that HAS to count for something)

+BONUS

Favorite Setting/Location:

Look, listen, listen. Give me an aquarium, ok? You can NEVER go wrong with an aquarium, there is something about the light in those either it’s blue, green, or slightly purple, about the overwhelming immensity of all that water while you’re safe behind the glass, about the pretty fishes… I do adore an aquarium. Peak romance peak colors peak location.

I know most everyone has done it, and I may tag people who already answered (if so please forgive me) but maybe @petrichoraline @benkaaoi, @silverquillsideas @nonkul and @heretherebedork if you felt like it?

#I am as always an unstoppable chatterbox #I have Many Opinions About Everything I'm afraid lol #(I especially have so much to say about TMOTD I never managed to actually put it into words but!!!!)#(like I read the book mentioned in it just to have a better grasp of the themes and how they were explored)#choosing one of anything as always is torture lol #so i will confess that I also looked a little for things/actors/characters that I think were always a little 'more' underrated or unknown #anyway it was really fun to do!#thai ql #tag games #I tried not to write too much - failed - then added gifs for some breathing room and now I have a bit of a monster lol #Until We Meet Again #Something in my Room #The Miracle of Teddy Bear #Khun Chai #Secret Crush on You #Ghost Host Ghost House #Triage the series #Rakdiao #gifs

11 notes · View notes