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phas3d · 4 months

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Celebrity Crush|| Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: suggestive jokes (all)

contains :: draco malfoy, tom riddle, mattheo riddle, theodore nott, lorenzo berkshire

summary :: you're either friends or enemies and they see you freaking out over your celebrity, making them jealous. they search them up only to find out that the celebrity looks almost exactly like them

alternative :: your celebrity crush looks nothing like them

DRACO (enemies)

Your group just watched the newest movie that came out

Ever since then, you couldn’t stop gushing about how hot the villain was

Although the villain was an awful person, you still went on rants about how fine he is

Your friends kept laughing at how out of pocket your jokes were

“I can fix him I swear, just give me a chance” you grieved as if someone died

"I'm gonna get on all fours and start hitting my chest like a gorilla if he keeps looking this fine" you said with passion, not scared of the whole school hearing you

Draco, despite not wanting to say it, was extremely jealous as he gripped his fork extra hard as he heard you

He was a dick, why didn’t you like him? Maybe he wasn’t hot enough? He’s always been slightly insecure about his appearance

The second lunch ended, he ran to the bathroom and secretly looked up the actor

But as he looked at him… he realized he wasn’t too far off from the actor

Their faces were almost completely different but, they both had short bright blonde hair, cold blue eyes, always wore green, and had similar body types

From seeing that, he smirked to himself and got an ego boost

He goes to sleep with a fat ass grin on his face

He won’t directly say the actor looks like him, but he’ll know it deep down

TOM (friends)

Although Tom could stand being around you, he wished he could mute you out

You two were studying together in his room

Or… he was studying while you kept replaying the same edit of some random celebrity

“He could take my eggs and eat it like skittles”

Tom has literally killed and tortured people but he still widened his eyes slightly at your comment

He felt a small bit of jealousy, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he was scared of losing his only friend or because he liked you

(It’s because he likes you but he’s not that emotionally aware)

Tom has always been nosy, so he tilted slightly to see your phone

That’s when he saw a man with pale skin, brown eyes, and wavy brown hair

But beside those basic attributes, he also had the same nose as him along with a resting bitch face

He doesn’t show it, but on the inside he felt much calmer

It gave him a small sense of hope that maybe one day, he could actually be seen as attractive by someone

No one has ever confessed or even liked Tom romantically throughout his whole life due to his insane hobbies

He sleeps a little bit better with the thought that maybe someone could like him

And he really hopes it’s you :)

MATTHEO (enemies) (I made this so long on accident... whoops)

You two clash constantly due to Mattheo’s class clown behavior and your goody-two-shoes attitude

He was always cracking mean jokes and bullying your friend group since you were kinda nerdy

You despised him and have beaten his ass multiple times (with magic) but he still doesn’t learn his lesson

But that's mainly because he thinks it's hot when you beat his ass and yell at him

Once again, he was walking towards your group to pick on you guys once more, especially you

But that’s when he heard you freak out over some random character

At first he thought it was just some lame anime character, that's how you usually are

But when you start showing your friends the photo-card in the back of your phone, he realizes it’s a real person

Instantly, he's pissed and jealous of a stupid piece of paper

He stalks you until you repeat the celebrities' name so he can google him and ruin his career

But once he looks up the idol, he sees that he also has dark curly hair with deep brown eyes

He actually researches and tries to learn about the idol more so he can take note on what you like

That's when he learns that the idol is known as a funny and protective person, just like him

He giggles to himself and decides to be insanely cocky

He prints out a photo of himself in the same pose as the idol, rounds the corners, and even puts his own signature on the back

The next day, he hands it to you and is smirking to himself

But... surprisingly... you didn't know it wasn't the idol????

You smiled widely and freak out, you thank him and quickly put it in the back of your phone case

From that, he smiles insanely widely. Not only at how cute you were from freaking out, but by also knowing he's on the back of your phone without you even knowing

THEODORE (friends)

He's always known you were a fangirl but it was normally for weird things

You've had a few celebrity crushes over the years, but it's never been this extreme before

"GOD I WANNA LIVE IN HIS TOILET!!!" You shouted as you stared at a photo of the celebrity

Theo never understood how people got so attached but he was curious

How hot was this guy for you to like him THIS much? and why was he so jealous?

Theo has always been confident in his looks since he pulls bitches left and right

But, for some reason, he's suddenly strongly craving your validation

He asks you to show him the celebrity, only to see an almost exact clone of himself

Light fluffy brown hair, green eyes that were the same shape as his, thick brows, and a strong jaw

Theo smiles lightly and shakes his head, you perceived it as him making fun of your crush

You hide your phone from him and proceed to watch a pile of edits of this man on loop

Although he didn't get the hype of being a fangirl, he supported this one

He researches the celebrity during his free time and tries to become more like him slightly

Of course, he doesn't change anything drastically

But he might get the same shirt or shoes as him

LORENZO (rivals?) (can you tell he's my favorite?)

You and Lorenzo were constantly at the top of your charms class within the entire school

Both of you have constantly gone head to head with each other just to compete for first place, only to tie for it together

There was no hatred or extreme feelings, just a fun rivalry that was oddly flirtatious at times

While you were in the library with a few friends studying, you suddenly start slamming your fist on the desk

Lorenzo was often in the library in order to check out new books to read in order to beat you

He looked over, worried that something bad happened

But all he saw was you on the floor, as if you melted, with your phone held high showcasing a man

He was curious as to how you got to the floor so fast despite banging on the table only 2 seconds ago, but he didn't care

Many people in the school shipped you and Lorenzo, but you both always denied it in order to not make it awkward

But, Lorenzo has liked you for ages. Despite that fact that he's a fuckboy, he would give up everything just to kiss you

"I would save his nail clippings and make a necklace out of it" You said in a harsh whisper that made all your friends hold back a laugh

Lorenzo was shocked, he's never seen you be so vulgar

He felt slightly hurt, not only by the fact that you were freaking out over some celebrity but also because he's never seen you act like this with him

"The things I would do for this man is un-ex-plain-a-ble" You aggressively whispered as you slammed your fist on the desk again

The librarian came around and told your whole group to shut up, which made Lorenzo happy

He decided to do his usual routine, he walked up to you and flicked you on the head as a joking gesture

You wince and hold your forehead, that's when he looks at your phone and sees the name of the celebrity

He repeats the name over and over and over and OVER in his head until he gets to his dorm and instantly searches him up on his phone

That's when he sees how similar he is to the celebrity

At first, he was doubting it since he didn't want to be cocky

But he told Theo and Theo instantly agreed, saying the celebrity looks just like him

Sharp jawline and cheekbones, fair skin, soft light brown hair, brown eyes, and even the same body build

He smiled to himself, feeling a bit of self love for himself from seeing how similar he is to your favorite celebrity

He's always been slightly insecure of his body build due to most of the guys in Hogwarts being buff as shit while Lorenzo was slightly more lean

But seeing the celebrity be called the heart-throb of the year made him really happy

After he knows all of this, he's much more confident around you and even finds subtle ways to bring up how he knows your type

Uses this as evidence against you to make you blush during petty arguments

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in-this-light-on-this-evening · 2 years

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#anyway i have brain rot #today was my first day after my little 10 days off and i bumped into my crush from another office #he was on holiday too so we just stood in the middle of the hall catching up a little bit #he sat on the couche’s armrest just to be at the same height with me #(that bitch is TALL btw)#and i just couldn’t handle it all because he was looking into my eyes and my fucking brain went blank #probably i looked like a weirdo as i didn’t know what to do with my whole body and just kept swinging left and right #i fucking hate this #like… my fucktard brain ALWAYS gets attracted to people i don’t have a chance with not i will be ever able to try #is this a basic gemini trait or what #anyway #the point is i am utterly attracted to this man and i can’t do anything about it 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡#fucking clown behavior here #btw he asked me if i want to go to work on a photoshoot with him soon #god damn it 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨#the thing is that i have a very strict moral code and i won’t flirt nor do anything with people that are already in a relatioship #(in which he is)#even though i despise their other half #all of this has been going for a year now and i’m emotionally exhausted #WHEN WILL IT PASS #PRIEST SAID IT WILL PASS BUT IT’S NOT PASSING

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austinsastrology8991 · 10 months

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> Ascendant Aspects < How you Appear to be, and how your treated based off your appearances > why you look like a clown without makeup

Ascendant aspecting Sun - I like your smile. Did you put it on for me, or for yourself? yes your charismatic, yes we noticed why your so confident, yes your literally the greatest person do you really need us to shower you in affection all the fkn time? your extra but too many toppings ruin a good pizza. your the embodiment of the cheesy smile from that cat in alice in wonderland. main character energy for sure you get the attention and you know how to use it Ascendant Aspecting moon - 🌚 < dont they look like that.? idk but you guys look like someone you want to grab the cheeks of and treat like a baby, your like a sugar glider. but we know your emotional so we have to be careful with how we grab your cheeks 👀 please stop crying its just a joke > also; big ass eyes. you are so sweet that everyone just wants to take you home and feed you till you become so obese you cant leave Ascendant Aspecting Mercury - the most devilish and cheeky smile all at once. they look like a kid about to do something bad, or have just been caught doing something bad and are now trying to explain why they had to do that dumbassery. but no matter how much you explain yourself, we will still question you because its funny watching you come up with explanations. you give me the vibe of any character from cartoon network or nickledoen - timmy turner, southpark, phineas and ferb, ed edd and eddy, or fkn bart simpson, you act like a cartoon yes.

Ascendant Aspecting Venus - I dont normally do this but whats ur number? is what your used to hearing presumably. and its not necessarily because your attractive... okay you are, you can stop pouting now. but its because you know how to get attention and you clearly love getting it. but they act so superficial, and oblivious sometimes... like they purposrfully look away just so its easier for you to look at them, 💀 then they look back playfully and it gets you in the feels. remind me of doctor who's bitches (any of them) they all act the same idc what you say

Ascendant Aspecting Mars - so pissed off lol but its hot. they are fierce > if they want something they are going to get it, and even the mere consideration of negotiating what they want will just get them more mad. which makes them more attractive? idk people love their ferocity, and as much as people say they don't like aggressive types, they don't ever get in their way when they pissed off (ik because im hot head) your basically a hornet > and no one gonna fight a hornet without the proper precautions Ascendant aspecting Jupiter - Yall are excellent at impressions and being impressionable, idk how you do it so well. You just act normal but then pull off this funny shit and return back to normal like its nothing. you guys perfected just being, and this energy makes people want to be around you. Your like a firework, the explosion is awesome, but when it goes away your like damn that was awesome wish it stayed; but thats what makes it so good, because we never know when its coming, and when its gone we want it back lol Ascendant Aspecting Saturn - batman without the mask sucks. thats you. batman without the mask.... why so serious???? > "because life shouldnt be taking for granted and fuckery aint apart of my Repertoire" - is some whack ass shit yall would say. you have great dignity, but people get insecure around you because your on top of your shit. oh and you tell people to get on top of their shit all the fkn time lol. > your like a crow, you look like one and act like one. - Side note- one time i had a stand off with a crow: I was chilling at home and i was on top of these tile blocks, then this crow came along. I tried to scare him, by like staunching him just a bit. but he responded by gripping the tree branch he was perched on, by twisting his claw foot; and he did it with so much ferocity it made this bone cracking noise (from the strength of his grip gripping the tree) and suddenly i was intimated.... by a fkn crow. okay moving on

Ascendant Aspecting Uranus - how did you even become like that. no one really understands why you act the way you do, you do some really eccentric things which are eye grabbing but also disturbing the more you think about it. your like a sword fish. theres probably more effective ways to kill fish, but i mean a sword works, we are just wondering how you attached a sword to your face. also try to calm down, you doing so much and acting so bizarre that im actually more worried about you, even though im laughing my ass off. Ascendant Aspecting Neptune - your like a mirror of all that i ever could want in a person, and this mysterious allure you so easily pull off is truly enchanting. its like being around you makes it feel as if reality can so easily be readjusted into what i would like it to be. but this quality of urs is addicting, and no wonder people project onto you. but you cant even blame them, you literally shapeshift into whatever you want, and typically you like to show it off. your like a chameleon. or a axolotl Ascendant Aspecting Pluto - you scare people easily lol. your a spider. but spiders are sexy.... look at the BUNDA. okay but those teeth yeesh, have you ever seen a spider like lick its lips, bro its fkn scary. theres a reason arachnophobia is the most popular phobia and its because spiders are fucked. and yall are fucked. you move like a spider, and i swear to god you smile like one too lol. but people low key wanna be eaten by a spider..... so go ahead choose yo prey you fkn creepy crawler

#astrology #astrology blog #astro community #astrology notes #astrology observations #astrology placements #ascendant aspects #astrology aspects #astro observations

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chrolloluvr · 1 month

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Just read the size kink with Mammon and you mentioned the web thing? The big web...the ....

please elaborate on that when you feel like it

♡ Yes I can elaborate! Mammon Size kink 1.5 ♡

Note: I may not be able to post tonight! I will try to get two posts out tomorrow!! also sorry if this is kinda short... also if anybody wants to request any add ons you can!

Warnings: NSFW, cock warming

(anon is talking about this post)

The big webs around the stadium.

Like I said in the Size Kink Hc post, he likes cock warming on the webs, or just in general. For example, during one of his annual clown pageants. So like during the Juggling Iz Cool song, or Klown Bitch.

He will have you sit on his lap, with his cock inside of you, and just have you stay there. He wont let you move, make any noise whatsoever, or make it obvious what you two are doing.

I think he will purposely try to provoke you. Like for example, he will shift around a bit while trying to adjust himself, and end up arousing you even further.

So he likes teasing you basically. And after the pageant, he would probably ignore you tbh. And if you ask him for that sweet sweet release you have been craving?

He will act like nothing ever happened. He will probably say

"What the hell? Why would I ever do that in public, you sick little fuck."

If he ever needs to teleport on stage, (like how he does after Juggling Iz cool), The green smoke will cover mostly you. Because he does not want the attention taken off of his performers, he wants money, not any crazy news headlines.

Heres an image ⬇ (he looks so elongated here lol, ALSO WHY CANT I BE ONE OF THE ROBO FIZZ'S????? PLS ONE CHANGE MAMMON)

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #mammon x reader #mammon x reader hb #hb mammon x reader #mammon hb #mammon x y/n #mammon #mammon helluva #mammon helluva boss #mammon smut #mammon fluff #mammon smut helluva #hazbin hotel x reader #helluva boss x reader #helluva smut #helluva boss smut #mammon pls give me a chance #i would give the sloppiest head to this man

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space-blue · 4 months

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Me doing crimes against my companions

They truly cattered to every freak possible.

Look at these nerds! Reading together! Shared central piece with carpet for easy access to each other's tent... I have to freqently remind Gale we're a thing, because the bloodweave is borderline canon!! And we can't be a trouple because some people don't like sharing, right, Gale??

I learned the instrument feat just to make my little guys dance and they're HARDCORE IGNORING ME!!!

Clown power posing face off.

Also I love that Astarion approves if you force anyone else on stage, but will disapprove TWICE if made to go up

In fucking stitches over the Gortash portraits. You know the mods that turn everyone into a Kpop beauty boy? Gortash would approve of them for himself, 100%

I'm making a Tav comic about seeing Rolan like this. It's coming. It'll be the same energy as the Zevlor one, yes. More murdering though.

Astarion talking back to a Djinni and being transformed into a wheel of cheese for the meagre cost of 500 gold! Best use of my fictional money.

I still question why Gale has abs, but I don't question the fact this outfit has the ring RIGHT OVER THE ORB, I'm sorry babygirl you're keeping the bondage undies...

ALSO if you put him in the celestial whatever, basically the princess Leia outfit Figaro sells you, he shows cheek, and truly, truly Larian catters to the freaks and it's incredible...

Like what is this bit of booty and how come I'm getting it for free aaaah!!!!

Man doesn't have the strength to open a jar of pickles, but he still religiously visits the bench press to have the perfect abs for his Tav. Gods bless.

Also the back of this undie has basically a bitch strap. You can have a bitch strap on Astarion, and then give him an open back shirt and grab him any time you need to yank him out of situations.

Also love how the design is altered to give garters to fem bodies but also make sense for someone with a tail. I bet it'll look hot as all shit on dargonborn Durge.

The face he was making while I was asked this question...

Durgeposting... based on this Hannibal meme

#baldur's gate 3 #shitpost #bg3 #bg3 shitpost #tav #tav posting #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 tav #bg3 rolan #bg3 gortash #bloodweave

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iridescentdove · 9 months

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I need a BSD x Reader where it’s just the reader casually rizzing up everyone like no one is safe from the reader’s infinite rizz, not the ADA, not the PM, not the DOA, not the guild, and definitely not the Hunting Dogs, not even civilians; it’s literally everyone that is getting rizzed up, while the reader is aware and laughs and points at every clown they rizzed up.

THE ULTIMATE RIZZLORD.

various!BSD x reader

A/N: anon, I would like to point out how much I love you and this request right now. also, I put the reader in the port mafia for fun because why not.

Absolutely speechless.

This is how everyone felt – well, whether whoever it may be, there was just one thing all could collectively agree on. They may all be feared and powerful factions that anyone could basically kneel down to, however ...

Who THE FUCK is this audacious person?

MORI was the first to witness your ass flirt with every single person you saw. But no, did you even care? Not at all. He stares, bewildered and mildly in concern as you came up to every single person you saw – completely distracted from the mission at hand as you asked women to step on you, choke you ...

He wants you throw you back from where you came from.

Oh wait, nevermind. You were now flirting with HIM. MORI is in even more shock at your confidence. Damn, pretty bold of you. But he actually thought you kinda hot fr. Elise still #1 bae tho

And somehow, you were taken up to being an executive. Everyone is morbid and utterly terrified.

How the fuck is someone like you an EXECUTIVE?? HELLO??

CHUUYA turns as red as his hair could ever be. Look man, he just wanted to complain about Dazai and you here just ..

"That fucking idiot Dazai! I'll rip him apart!"

"Yes daddy- I mean, can you do that to me too?"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ those fingers are so slender and pretty .."

"Wh-"

"Mind if I ... caress them a little, babygorl?"

"(Y/N) WHAT-"

Aww, look at that, Chuuya is deader than Odasaku <3

But God forbid you be taken on important missions against another factiom because fuck man. All you're there for is 1% fighting, 99% rizzing.

Y'know when everything was in chaos in Yokohama bcz of the Guild trying to take over? Everyone's fighting their ass off, God knows where DAZAI is but no one cares, and you?? Uh yeah already guessed it.

Tryna rizz up the agency.

Like yes, they're in trouble, everyone is, we know but fuck war we want fictional men. And women.

"Are you lingo? Because we can make a good duo 😏" - you

"... Did you just make a duolingo pickup line" - kunikida

Man times when the port mafia and the agency are in a truce, you're there back and forth flirting nonstop. Everyone is red, turned on from your oh so amazing rizzler skills

DAZAI enjoys your company obviously. Both of you create so much chaos, but even sometimes you're so much worse than him. You're the only one who can actually surprise him. Like wtf bitch stop flirting with the damn secret police?? Uh??

You make suicidal jokes, whispering them so sexily in his ear he wanna take you to the bed right there mamasita lip bite

Oh, the Decay of Angels wanna achieve world domination? They can dominate sumn else if you know what I mean

No words can express how terrified u keep making everyone THAT'S FYODOR HE'LL KILL YOU WITH A TOUCH BITCH- oh wait nvm he's melting from all of your rizz and affection.

You are literally so sweet but so confusing. SIGMA sees you around the Sky Casino just chilling and flirting with everyone you see. He don't mind cause you hot anyway

The Guild kinda ... actually, no. They're not safe. FITZGERALD? More like Rizzgerald cause this bitch 'bout to get rizzed so hard he turns poor

Yeah .. I don't take it to heart.

You'll just be up in their ass even after the Yokohama incident. Literally all of them both love and hate you. "Should we throw her off a cliff or kiss her" "Idk the second option is kinda tempting tho" "Boss, what do we d-" "Both."

DAMN LOVECRAFT AND BRAM TOO?? BITCH STOP 😭

No one can escape from your rizz. Okay one time you got kidnapped by the fuckin Hunting Dogs but you just?? Started to rizz up and call JOUNO ur bbygorl?? He is seconds from slicing your head off but he gave up at this point.

Where you got that rose from 🤨

Why the fuck is romantic music playing 😐

You asked FUKUCHI himself to choke you and slam you against the wall. Not even an ounce of regret of fear.

Everyone officially is scared of you.

ANGO isn't free from this either, bitch. You'll strut into the room all happy to talk for a mission and all but ... uhh. "So you're from the Special Division? I can't blame you then ... I feel as if I have something special going on for you."

ANGO, internally: iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp-

Sadly, he is now a simp.

The fact his face turns so red is not unnoticed by you. You laugh, clowning everyone you literally rizzed up no joke. They're so in love with ur pretty/handsome/hot ass 😔

No one is free. If you find a pretty bird, ask it's hand for marriage. There is no other way but that.

Mk but the way you literally hit on AKUTAGAWA do be funny. Bitch is so oblivious, he just thinks you're another certain blonde hair slaying bitch 😳

By the time he actually knows you're rizzing him up by being more direct about your advances, he is questioning life.

But bcz you're SOO close to DAZAI maybeee we can ...

Work sumn out, you know? heh

One day the mafia just be chilling and BOOM heree comes the wh00000re~ hello wh000re~ welcome~ 😍

(i am so sorry if this offends someone it's a meme-)

Cue everyone sighing as you come in and start your daily routine which is rizzing. You'll be caressing KOUYOU's cheek, talking to CHUUYA with that sexy ass deep voice, whispering in MORI's ear, and everytime you breathe the vine boom sound effect comes off.

Can't say they don't like it though. We all know we have some horny deviants lovestruck little cuties <3 but let's just say it's hard being here with those hoes 😔✌️

Yet most especially,

You.

*bites lip* (i am sorry.)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #crack #shitpost #bsd shitpost #hunting dogs bsd #port mafia #armed detective agency #rizz lord #idk what im doing #bruh wtf #anyways #hope you like <3 #decay of angels #everyone x reader

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macbooth · 10 months

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full of childish whimsy in a hostile fashion tonight so here’s every shakespeare clown i can think of and whether or not i think i’d beat them in a fight

(i do not mean fools i mean clowns. they do not need to be the secret genius of the play. if they are stupid in every way shape or form i am including them here)

Puck (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) No chance. Bro’s got that magic and ALSO has a big strong scary fairy king as his bear, like, do not separate them. If I even tried throwing hands at this cunt I’d get torn to shreds and used as glitter dude, I’d be over. 0/10

Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) I could but I’d feel bad. I also think he’d put up a really solid fight. Like this is out of donkey form, bro was a physical worker. Like I reckon I could win a fight with some of the tradies I’ve seen but I don’t think it’d be easy. Also he’s just really dumb so I would feel a little bad. Donkey form though, I’m running away. Scary as shit. I am afraid of horses though. 6.5/10

Touchstone (As You Like It) Absolutely I could beat the shit out of this man. I hate him so much. Full of hostility towards this fucker. His clothes aren’t even subtle I could find this bitch in the forest no time and hunt him down and rip him to shreds, fuckin court jester doesn’t even have the roughness of the country on his side. 9/10 (-1 point cause he definitely fights dirty but I just hate him so much I’d win)

Jaques (As You Like It) First off he’s absolutely a clown. Second off I’ve played him before so my word is gospel. Third off bro has no fucking chance against me. He’s a podcast bro who thinks I don’t know that Tame Impala is one dude. I’d ask him why we can’t print more money and he would explode instantly and it would be the funniest thing he did with his life. 10/10

Audrey & Corin (As You Like It) I’m lumping these two together cause in the show I did they were one character (and I also played them). I wouldn’t even want to fight these two. And even if I wanted to Audrey would absolutely be able to beat the shit out of me and I would thank her. Our setting was in semi-modern country Australia, that girl would have a shotgun. 2/10

Autolycus (Winter’s Tale) Just like Jaques to me. He might be a little bit harder because he’d change costume and I’d get confused because I have no object permanence but other than that what has he got. Bitterness? Resentment? Bitch so did I when I was 15 grow up experience love. 8/10

Falstaff (Henry IV parts 1 & 2, Merry Wives of Windsor) I don’t actually know about this one but he is very punchable. I feel like he’d let me punch him and I think one punch would be enough for me. I think that would satisfy my urge to punch him. He may be a knight but let’s be honest he’s shit at it so I stand by this. 4/10 (just cause I don’t really give a shit)

The Dromios (Comedy of Errors) I absolutely could beat them in a fight but I would feel So Bad. You see how they’re literally already treated in the play, I wanna give them a break. That being said they’re both kinda dicks but they’re going through it already so I’d wanna give them a breather. I would win though, even if they both were attacking at once. 7/10

Launcelot Gobbo (Merchant of Venice) He’s such a prick but I would be laughing too hard at his name to fight him. Bro’s name is Gobbo. Bro’s name is basically Gobby. Imagine being named Blowjob. I would lose my mind. I would laugh so so hard I would collapse. My heart would fail. Biggest L name out there bro. Launcelot Gobbo oh my god. 3/10

Launce (Two Gentlemen of Verona) Nah man he has an attack dog. I don’t care what breed of dog Crab is in a production I fully believe he would kill for Launce, that’s just their dynamic. I understand them better than anyone else (I have a dog). Also he’s already working for Proteus, is that not punishment enough? 4/10

Speed (Two Gentlemen of Verona) I mean I definitely could fight him. I don’t imagine he’s got much fighting experience. But once again, he has to deal with Valentine which does feel like it would be cruel to inflict more onto him. Like Valentine’s not as bad as Proteus but fuck is he stupid. Also if I accidentally flubbed a punch Speed could absolutely tear me a new asshole with his words and I would sob and cry and literally never recover. 4/10

The Porter (Macbeth) Fuck no. Bro definitely has a knife on him at all times. I can’t explain why I think this I just do. He works night shift, he definitely doesn’t get paid enough for his dog shit job, he would absolutely try to stab me just to spice up his evening without me starting a fight. 1/10

Trinculo (Tempest) Yes. Sorry, you’re Russell Brand? L. I could kick your ass. And he’s like drunk for half the show, and almost fucked a fish. I doubt his judgement is good enough to say the alphabet backwards let alone dodge a punch. He couldn’t even get Caliban to kick my ass (who definitely could by the way) cause Caliban fucking hates him. Bro, failwife to Stephano should pay more. But it doesn’t. 8.5/10

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing) Without Verges? Yes. With Verges? No way. Those two are a power couple in the dumbest possible way. He would absolutely try to get me arrested though but I simply would not go to prison. What’s he gonna do? Send me to prison? I’m already not going. 7/10

Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) No chance. Unless Romeo fucked up so bad like he did in the actual play, I would have no chance against this dude. I wouldn’t even want to even if I could. I’m a Benvolio stan first and foremost and a person second you think I’d wanna fight his bestie? Only exception is if it was an actual fight club and not just a pure fight out of hatred. I feel like Mercutio could give Brad Pitt Fight Club Realness, outfits included. I would still lose though. 2.5/10

Don Adriano De Armado (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I reckon I could wreck this dude’s shit. You know that gif where the fuckin dude is doing all these cool sword moves and then he just gets shot? You know the one. I forgot where it’s from but you know the one. That would be this fight. Armado would bust out his flair, his razzle dazzle, his pizzaz, and I would just deck him I think. That’s the power you need in this world, I think. Power of fist to face. Peace and love. <3 8/10

Costard (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I do not think Costard would realise he was being fought even as he was actively getting hit in the face. I know how to say honorificabilitudinitatibus, he doesn’t even have that against me. Bro couldn’t even confuse me with that, I learnt that, like an adult. Anyway yeah I’d kick his ass. 9/10

Holofernes & Sir Nathaniel (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This is the same man to me. I would destroy them both. Fuckin nerds. Flowery ass language nerds. I support gay rights and gay wrongs but the only reason I couldn’t fight those two gay muppets who heckle is cause they’re too far away (in a theatre booth), these two gay muppets who heckle are right in front of me. I’d kick their tweed cladded asses. 10/10

Jaquenetta (Love’s Labour’s Lost) She is just like Audrey to me. I could never bring myself to hurt her. Also she’s pregnant and I feel like it’s fucked up to hit a pregnant woman just for fun. Also she could absolutely wreck my shit. Please wreck my shit Jaquenetta. 0.5/10

Moth (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This little fucker should be an INSTANT knock out but I just know this fucker bites. He’s a shit talking 8 year old? Oh he plays wolves on the playground, I just know it. He plays wolves and he’s definitely been suspended for it, I just know it in my heart. Sure, I could kick him, but he would grab hold of my foot and try to rip it off. We would shake hands and agree to part ways, having met our match. He, who plays wolves, and me, who played fairies, leave the fight with our heads high and respect in our hearts. I am kidding of course but I do think we would tie. 5/10

Lear’s Fool (King Lear) There’s already so much fighting going on, I don’t even think they’d notice if I just started kicking this dude. Not only could I fight him and win, I think I’d get away with it too. I’d win not only physically but socially too. What’s he gonna do? Tell his boss? Bro he’s preoccupied with his whole kingdom crumbling, grow up. 9/10

Lavatch (All’s Well That Ends Well) This is more meta but my hatred of this play would fuel me here. I would fight literally anyone in this play if given the chance, not a joke. I would get in the ring with literally anyone from this play, but honestly, out of them all I weirdly respect Lavatch the most, maybe because he at least knows that he’s a cunt, unlike literally everyone else who Just Suck. I do think he’s probably scrappy though, so I wouldn’t leave unscathed. I also think if he got the upper hand he would be so so awful about it, so I’d really have to fight. 6/10

Sir Toby Belch & Sir Andrew Aguecheek (Twelfth Night) Andrew is canonically bad at fighting, and honestly I do not believe Toby would be any better. Love both of these guys but if I had to fight them both at once I think I would be able to just move out of the way and they’d bonk each other on the head like a cartoon. They’re just silly guys. 9/10

Maria (Twelfth Night) Every woman clown could beat my ass. Audrey, Jaquenetta, Maria, they are all so special to me and would all also fucking destroy me. Maria especially cause I just know she is full of hate. You don’t hatch a plan like the Malvolio plan unless there’s something deeply worrying about you. She’s a Scorpio to me. <3 I do love her, she’d demolish me. 0/10

Feste (Twelfth Night) Would actually kill me. -5/10

I know I’ve definitely missed some but uhhh don’t expect me to remember every clown even if I’m neurodivergent about these plays please. <3

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bengiyo · 8 months

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Only Friends Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, everyone went on cute dates, revealing fascinating layers about three of our pairs. Mew is blind with love and gave it up for a man who did not answer "What do you like about me" in a way specific to Mew at all. Boston is hinting at settling down and getting turned on by Nick working out more and changing up his style. Sand is basically taking care of Ray, who keeps shoving Sand's hand in his pants. Boston, seeing Ray experience a modicum of joy, violated all guest rules and blew up his relationship with Sand in Sand's apartment while partaking of Sand's weed; a huge party foul. Sand realized how much of a clown he's been. I am embarrassed for everyone.

Happy (F*cking) Birthday

Mew was raised by lesbians. So much makes sense.

I remain embarrassed for Mew.

Friends fight, warns the teacher. I sure hope so!

You don't want to be friends with someone who sneakily recorded you? Boston, pot-kettle-black.

PINK MILK! WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK! Of course a Jojo show is going to have the seller be out of it.

I'm so ready for the outright brawl between Sand and Top.

Oh, Sand, that ploy with the phone was smooth. Nick is a techy, though, so he's probably going to notice you went through his voice recorder app.

Can't believe Mew let this man convince him to get his eyes lasered.

Damn, does everyone use Ray when they're trying to deal maximum damage to the whole group?

This dark room scene was well done, but I'm always irritated by Boston scoffing at relationships and commitment before reeling Nick back in.

Ray surprised Boston briefly with that reveal, but you can't keep a bad bitch down. Boston won that round, too.

Cheum, why are you stirring up shit at this party?

Damn, the sketches are a good play. I respect the game, Top.

I'm with Ray. Mew was cuter with glasses.

Ray went in on everyone but didn't reveal about the sleeping around.

What is it with Ray always treating Sand like he's for sale?

Is Mew using a soundbar as just a speaker? What a specific detail.

Now, there's my child of lesbians. Way to make that reveal as dramatic as possible, Mew.

Mew finally made that man cry. Now I'm ready to see the unraveling.

This was fantastic! Everyone keeps riling up Ray whenever they want to cause the most problems. Sand does not care about these people and accomplished his goal: Top loses Mew. Now he'll get to save Ray from himself again and wrap him up further. Boston also got embarrassed after starting shit with him. Even the lesbians caught strays! Sand takes this round.

#only friends the series #only friends meta #thai bl #thai drama #bl series #Ben watches

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ikebanaka · 3 months

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Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung are undeniably funny bitches, but no one is doing it like Yoo Joonghyuk. Man is out here taking himself as seriously as a heart attack while he does the dumbest, pettiest shit imaginable, getting clowned on by two losers

He got upset when he told someone to go away and the guy actually went away. He casually dipped mid conversation to tree himself so his teacher wouldn't see him because she's the one thing he fears in a world of gods and monsters. He called a magic skill that's basically just Instant Moisturizer useless but almost immediately wanted to surreptitiously acquire it when told that the guy he's in some sort of mutually obsessed symbiotic relationship with has it. He regularly picks fights with an archangel over how gay he totally isn't for the guy in question

#funny #yjh #orv #nothing makes me laugh as hard in orv as yjh revealing that he too is a loser sometimes

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controversial-blorbo-bracket · 5 months

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Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Gamzee Makara from Homestuck vs Maeglin Lómion from The Silmarillion/The Fall Of Gondolin

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Gamzee Makara:

LOVE: - "Okay, so Gamzee is such a divisive character that I even hesitated on choosing "love". Sad clown with an absentee father raised in a fascist dictatorship. Was mind controlled into killing his friends and then mind controlled during a toxic relationship (or two). Suffers from addiction so fandom likes to go "Oh, how scary his withdraws are. Clearly being drugged up was the only thing keeping this THIRTEEN YEAR OLD from murdering his friends (who largely ignored him, insulted him, demeaned him and acted like they wanted nothing to do with him). Having one such friend gently touch his face didn't cure him of his issues (or the mind control) so obviously he is an irredeemable monster and an abuser. This is genetic." I know you've gotten tons of Vriska, so basically insert any of Vriska's apologists' points here." - "Gamzee is a complex character who is used as a puppet both by the other villains of Homestuck and by the arthur. Once someone takes a deeper look at him they might find a tragic character who had lots of chances where he could have gotten onto a better path but those chances were not able to be given or taken. On the flip side Gamzee suffers from some poor writing that leaves aspects of the character to based off poor stereotypes, he also lacks chances to show his internal character as thr story goes on and is treated like a tool by the story. He also killed some fan favorite characters and has a version of himself (homestuck is a multi timeline story) that abused a different fan favorite character." - "I know Vriska is the obvious pick for controversial HS blorbo, but consider: He is the world's shittiest boy. No one knows why he does the things he does he might just be a murderclown but he might be mind controlled or something no one knows and people have really strong opinions on him based on what they believe. He makes me very sad because I did think he was a cool character before he snapped." - "He was written so poorly 💔" - "when i was 12 i had a crush on him i was like a gamzee apologist and i was probably right i dont remember homestuck. i used to listen to icp and think wowww this is just like my clwon boyfriend and giggle and blush and kick my legs and i still do that with my fake boyfriend but hes not gamzee and its not icp and im not 12 but he kind of sounds like gamzee but thats because hes a smoker and he wouldnt listen to icp he likes techno. anyway i used to get so sad when people said they didnt like him because of the killings and i brought him up to my old therapist a couple times thats kind of funny looking back but i would do it again (but not with gamzee. with my fake chain smoker boyfriend who likes techno). anyway anyway my mom listens icp because her old friend from highschool who died was a juggalo and whenever i hear her listen to it i think about gamzee so i havent forgot about him yet. hes wasnt my favorite character thouhg my favorite character was the gemini one (i also had a crush on him when i was 12 i tried to lucid dream to see him once) (it didnt work). ok love you bye." - "-Funny clown -Cares about his friends -Absent parental figure :( -Did some murder but it wasn't his fault really he didn't have all of his mental faculties (see next point) -Got brainwashed by a universe-destroying god that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time through the form of a rapping marionette -The author(s) fucking hates him for some reason and retconned his previous characterization to make him a one-dimensional shitty villain and used canon text to make fun of fans who like him and no I'm not exaggerating -If I don't make him my blorbo who will"

Maeglin Lómion:

LOVE: - "LISTEN okay so he DID betray the city of Gondolin to the guy who literally invented evil, and that DID result in it getting destroyed and a whole bunch of people dying or being taken prisoner (which is probably worse in this instance), and also he DID attempt to throw his cousin's seven-year-old son off the city walls to his death during the attack. BUT. I love him. Also, and more substantially, a) he didn't go out of his way to betray the city, he was taken prisoner and threatened into it, b) he had an incredibly painful history with Gondolin involving both his parents' violent deaths happening like ten minutes after he arrived there, and he was legally not allowed to leave, and c) he was SO YOUNG (only 180! that's hardly anything for an elf!) and he is SO ANGSTY and INTERESTINGLY GOTH and SELF-HATING and I LOVE him. So." - "First of all he was LITERALLY CURSED TWICE OVER so there was NO WAY he was coming to a good end okay. Sure he had a crush on his cousin but he canonically didn't say anything and she only knew because she read his mind and he wasn't able to hide it from her. He had a major éowyn moment (iconic) and was trapped in cage after cage all his life and tbh after what he saw in the Nirnaeth I'm NOT surprised he voted to stay instead of go. Or just told the king what he wanted to hear. Anyway the POINT is that breaking under mental torment to morgoth, whose force and victory he'd seen firsthand, is NOT a moral failing, and idril started conspiring against him before he'd actually done anything wrong. The attempted murder was, admittedly, not great though. But he didn't even SUCCEED like c'mon he just got homoerotically yeeted from a cliff about it. In conclusion: maeglin did nothing wrong except all the things he did wrong, and the version in which he's most openly evil is also the one where both the narrative and the other elves are racist to him so like they had it coming"

#poll #round 2 #maeglin #maeglin lomion #the silmarillion #lord of the rings #gamzee makara #gamzee homestuck #gamzee #homestuck gamzee #homestuck #6 submissions #2 submissions

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dorianbrightmusic · 5 months

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a primer for all my mutuals watching me go through a Persona 2 hyperfixation

basically, so y'all understand what these memes/headcanons/fanarts/liveblogs of me weeping are, i present a terrible explanation of the Persona 2 duology for all those of you who are confused. Spoilers ahead.

-There are two games that constitute Persona 2: The first is Innocent Sin, and that timeline gets yeeted at the end in favour of the second game, Eternal Punishment

-The protagonist of IS is Tatsuya Suou. He's a (canonically!) bisexual mess. He's great with swords and great with dudes, but otherwise horrible at communication. He's autistic motorcycle man. He's the only one whose memory is not nuked by the timeline reset, and it destroys him internally

-In both games: rumours are becoming reality. Ways such rumours get utilised: A tyrannical school principal reverses his male pattern baldness; one guy can recite pi to the hundredth thousandth place; Hitler is alive and wearing sunglasses;

-Tatsuya has childhood friends in IS. They have amnesia because trauma, but then remember because more trauma. These friends include: Maya Amano (see below); a white girl who punches dudes; THE GREAT MICHEL, ROCKSTAR AND UNDERPANTS GANG LEADER; and one (1) traumatised gay murderer who's also the resident astrology bitch

-(The party also includes Yukino, a sane lesbian)

-There is a gay romance option between Tatsuya and Astrology Bitch, and you are a coward if you don't select it

-Astrology Bitch is a clown for half of IS. Specifically, a Tumblr sexyman murder clown.

-The protagonist of EP is Maya Amano. She wears a jacket with lovehearts sewn over each breast, and at the end of IS, she gets stabbed with the lance that pierced Jesus, and dies

-Maya dying sets off an apocalypse, destroying the world. To reverse the apocalypse, childhood friends petition the local god to yeet this timeline in favour of one where they never met (that being the world of EP). If any of them remember that they know each other, then the new timeline is at risk of being destroyed (that being the plot of EP)

-Tatsuya, autistic motorcycle man, loves his friends too much. As a result, he remembers the old timeline, and now, it's up to New People to prevent the EP timeline hurtling into an apocalypse

-New People feature: Maya Amano (not dead), Ulala 'I sell lingerie and punch dudes' Serizawa, two (2) Copyright Free Gendo Ikaris, and a character from the original Persona (yes, the one where there's a Japanese character who got made black in the botched localisation. Sorry, Masao/Mark)

-Copyright Free Gendo Ikari #1 is Katsuya Suou. He's Autistic Motorcycle Man's older brother, has a stick up his arse (to quote one fic), and acts nothing like Gendo – just looks like him on a budget. He has a cat allergy. He's a homicide detective. He wanted to be a pastry chef. (My heart is in tiny pieces—)

-Copyright Free Gendo Ikari #2 is Baofu. He looks nothing like Gendo, but is as smug and as scheming.

-Both Copyright Free Gendos wear sunglasses at night. They hate each other btw

-EP also features Anna Yoshizawa, a sane lesbian, and Noriko, an insane lesbian

-Tatsuya's memories get yeeted at the end of EP, and it's the only case of amnesia in media where it actually feels like a well-earned relief, rather than a cheap plot device

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bloodymary83 · 5 months

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The Joker’s Pronouns

I’ve noticed that the Joker has never referred to himself as a he in comics and, this is not recent so people can’t blame it on current events. Joker has always done this. He mostly refers to himself as a “girl”. The closest he has gotten to calling himself he is when he refers to himself as the Clown Prince. None of the hero’s, villains or regular citizens call Joker she/her. They always refer to Joker as he/him. Joker never protests or gets upset by it. I think Catwoman has referred to Joker a few times as She/Her but, that’s when they were friends. Harley and Punchline have never referred to Joker as She/Her. I was told by a Redditer that the DCU states Joker as being Non-binary but, I don’t want to state that as a fact since I can’t actually find it anywhere. (I’m not saying they lied or were wrong it’s just that people demand proof and, then when you give it to them they get mad. I’d hate to see what they do if you don’t have proof.) So am I saying the Joker is transgender? No I don’t think so. He’s definitely more effeminate than some men but, he’s way too comfortable in his own skin to be suffering from gender dysmorphia. Is he Non- binary? Maybe? I honestly don’t think he gives it much thought. I think he just does what he wants. I just find it odd with current events and current comics of cringey mpreg that no one has talked about how he refers to himself as She/Her. I don’t think the other villains refer to Joker as he/him because, they are transphobic. I think Joker just never bother correcting them. Maybe he feels like only he can call himself she/her and others aren’t allowed? DC has never really explained it but, they’ve done it for decades. For example Joker’s said the following lines in comics, “It’s not nice to keep a girl waiting, Let me tell you something girl to girl, Beat it girls only, You know girl talk, Do you tell that to all the girls, What’s a girl gotta do? I have to use the little girls room. Come on Bats don’t keep her waiting while pointing to himself. She wants what she wants, once again talking about himself. He’s also described himself as Not a basic Bitch to Harley, while once giving Batman information about Two-Face, Batman showed disbelief and Joker told him, Never doubt a woman’s intuition. When Batman cuffs Joker to take him back to Arkham, Joker often replies, I’m not that kind of girl Bat’s” it happens far too often for Joker to be using She/Her in a Joking manner. Maybe it’s because, of his childhood. When Guzzo kidnapped and assaulted “Sonny” (aka child Joker) Guzzo seemed the type to refer to Sonny as a “girl”and, other derogatory names normally reserved for women in order to emasculate him. Maybe it’s Jokers way of taking back the power Guzzo had over him or, maybe he just became accustomed to referring to himself that way since it was quite literally beaten into him since childhood. The oddest part about this whole thing is, Why has no one ever talked about it? Why hasn’t anyone ever pointed it out? I guess even DC staff is too afraid to question the Joker.

#dc comics #joker dc #the joker #batman #batman dc #batman rouge’s gallery

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