#everyone x reader

[auspicioustidings]

Kiss in Payment

Summary: Continuation of Services/Goods of Equivalent Value. You have opened a teashop near an off record military base and this is a bunch of snippets of your life there.

Words: 7.5k (HOW?!)

You hadn't slept in a real bed in so long and you were not prepared to get out of it. It smelled good and it was warm and you were tired right down to your bones from all the work of the past 6 months finally culminating in the busiest and happiest evening you had possibly ever had. Only half awake you nuzzled into the pillow with a happy little sigh of contented comfort.

"Feels better than sleeping in a chair doesn't it?"

At first you smiled sleepily and made a sound of agreement. And then your brain caught up and you shot up, eyes opening and darting around madly to find you were in a small, simple bedroom and Simon was sat in the chair in the corner, book in hand being dogeared and set on a little table now that you were awake.

You had seen most of his face before when he was drinking or eating so seeing the whole thing wasn't any more of a shock than the situation you had found yourself in. It was a little strange seeing the skin around his eyes cleaned and bright, no smudges of black. He looked softer like this you thought.

"I um, I don't um… ah ha I must have fallen asleep in the chair right? Must have just been so tired! You didn't have to move me, but thanks, it wouldn't have been good for me to sleep there right? Ha ha."

God you were adorable when you tried to lie. Heart was far too prominent on your sleeve for it to ever work. You were clearly flustered way more from trying to lie than from waking up in his bed and such a fondness settled in him knowing that you trusted him so easily. You trusted that he had carried you here to help, that he would never have done anything to hurt you. 

"Gaz would have carried you to your bed, but come to think of it there doesn't seem like any sort of bedroom in your shop."

Was he teasing to watch you scramble to try and explain yourself? Maybe a little, sue him.

"Oh right! It's in… the basement, it's in the basement."

You had a nanosecond of being relieved you had thought up a lie so quickly before being horrified at what a bad lie it was. What if they wanted to go into the non-existent basement now? But you had gotten away with it for now and you relaxed as Simon just nodded with an "Ah, of course, the basement". 

Maybe you were good at this whole lying thing!

When it was time to get up and get a ride back home to the shop Simon got the little tub of eye black to smear on. You took it from him and started dabbing it on with your fingers for him since he had let you sleep in his bed. 

"It's like finger painting" you grinned, sitting back to admire your work.

He took your hand in his before you could fully withdraw it, pressing a kiss to your knuckles that had the tips of your ears on fire. You gave him a wide eyed stare in question.

"Services/goods of equivalent value remember? This one was worth at least a few days of moving furniture."

You smiled shyly, thinking he meant applying the eye black for him. Simon let you think that, knowing himself that the payment he was taking was being able to press his lips to your skin.

-

You felt your lie was under attack when, after being driven back to your shop by Price with Soap in tow, they started talking about your basement as they helped you with all the dishes from the night before.

"Didn't you help with a lot of the building Soap? Going to have to give you extra observation training, missing a whole basement."

"Och Captain dinnae, ye know that training is the worst! I'll do better next time, ye'r spot on that it's unacceptable for me to miss something like that."

Oh the way you went dead silent while you scrubbed at a plate, clearly being eaten alive by guilt. It was cute up until you genuinely seemed in distress, and although it was fun to tease Johnny was thankful when Price laid off.

"Ah I'm only taking the piss Sergeant, easy thing to miss in an old place like this."

Some of the tension bled from your shoulders and oh if Soap didn't suddenly remember the little shy kiss you pressed to his cheek the night before. Such a sweet thing, genuinely getting upset at the idea he might have to do training because of a lie you told to protect yourself. As if him and Gaz didn't lie all the time to try and get one another in trouble just for the hell of it.

"Opening is in an hour aye? Think we could get a wee out of hours tea?" Soap asked.

You dried off your hands, smiling brightly now. Making tea always made you forget all your worries and you were wildly delighted that confessed coffee person Soap was the one asking. You went straight to work, grabbing and typing off your apron and throwing your hair up. 

Price and Soap shared a conspiring look as they watched you work. They had gotten good at speaking without words. Right now their look was saying "isn't she just the loveliest thing you ever saw? I think I might scream if she does one more cute thing."

With the tea steeping you sighed in contentment, jumping a little when Price's hand found the small of your back. You hadn't even realised he was so close, for such a big man he was so light on his feet! He tapped a finger to his cheek.

"Think helping wash one load of dishes works as equivalent value."

You popped onto your tip toes and planted a soft peck to his cheek and as Soap bounded forward for the same Price shoved him away with a grin.

"Got payment in advance last night if I recall Soap, can't have our favourite girl overpaying."

-

Price and Soap left just as you officially opened for the day, but to your soft delight already Horangi and Farah were waiting outside for the sign to be flipped. They were bundled up, must have walked over. Now that you knew the distance from here to the base it made you swell with pride to know they had made the trip on foot. 

"Two of ye are here awful early naw?"

"Is there a problem with that MacTavish?" Horangi asked with a smirk, suspecting that the problem was Soap was about to leave you alone with him and Farah.

He had thought it would only be him, everyone else using their morning to work out and get fed. Obviously Farah had the same idea though, both of them feeling a sense of challenge from the other. He was sure you would like learning to make his Korean sweets over her Urzik ones. 

"Course naw, always happy tae see paying customers for my girl here" he responded, clearly proud of himself for managing to find a subtle way to tell Horangi and Farah to back off because you were his.

Farah raised an eyebrow at Price when he smirked at Soap's little claim and his lip twitched slightly. The exchange was barely noticeable and yet the unspoken conversation had went something like this:

"Really John? She's a little young for you is she not?"

"Really Farah, what would Alex say?"

"Me and Alex have always been very good at sharing, ask Gaz."

"Don't remember you being this much of a brat Karim."

Farah thought it was a shame you had been subject to all these boorish men for so long. Soft, sweet thing like you deserved some soft and sweet companionship. She had hoped that she could get to know you while teaching you how to make the halva she had fed you bites of last night any time you had paused in your hectic running about to pour her tea.

You had been very complimentary of the simple sweet, wanting to know all about the cultural history of it. Farah was no stranger to the uncomfortable looks she got when she would pour her heart out about her passion for her home country. She had half expected you to nod politely and excuse yourself. Only you hadn't, you had been genuinely and unabashedly happy at how passionate she was about her home, eyes sparkling with interest as you made her promise that she'd visit again and tell you more.

Of course Hong-jin would be equally as fond of you, she had spied how he had made you try a bite of bukkumi and how he had cried laughing when it was chewier than you expected and you had bitten your tongue. That giant beside him had acted as if you were mortally wounded until you had calmed him down and Farah was observant if nothing else, she had seen how your easy way with the larger man had Hong-jin simmering with fondness. 

Price and Soap realised they couldn't very well stay without it being obvious they were only doing so to stop Farah and Horangi from being left to work their charms on you, so with a grumble they departed.

You were honestly a little nervous about your first real customers after opening day, but you thought you did a great job of hiding it and welcoming them inside.

Farah and Horangi could both tell you were nervous, it was glaringly obvious, so an unspoken pact was made that they would only compete with each other in ways that you wouldn't notice so wouldn't make you anxious.

An hour later and you were so delighted that they had been kind enough and patient enough to teach you how to make the sweets they had bought the night before, oblivious to the amount of sabotage and subterfuge in the silent war between your two customers. 

Still they did eventually have to admit defeat, they were due in meetings and couldn't stay forever. You squeaked and shook your head rapidly when they tried to pay for their drinks.

"Oh no please, you were both so wonderful to have shared your recipes with me! Think of this as payment for that."

"I already said I would teach you did I not? Of course I have to pay properly for the tea you made me."

“It would be very rude not to, I can pay for both of our teas.”

“No no, I can pay for both. After all you are technically a guest with the 141 aren't you?”

“As are you.”

“Oh I would say more a long distance member. Actually since this is so near the 141 base and you've been so good to the team, I'd say that makes you basically an honorary member!”

“Oh! That's such an honour for you to say Farah, it's more that the team has been good to me though” you explained in a rush, a pretty flush of colour dusting your cheeks.

“Ah but you also have adopted the little cat with us, so it makes you more a member of Kortac than anything else.”

“I think Herzogin adopted me, she just came in one day and decided to make herself at home and I couldn't say no” you said, now feeling so flustered there must be steam coming out of your ears.

There was something so touching about what they were saying even if it was light hearted and meant more as a joke you thought. Even the thought of somehow being a part of their lives, some little silly civilian branch of their teams, made your hummingbird heart flutter.

It was also very sweet how they both wanted to cover each others bill even though you really could not let them go unrewarded for teaching you their recipes. They must be quite close these two teams. Definitely not two people who had only properly met last night and were now locked in a bitter rivalry over you or anything.

“But regardless I need to repay you somehow for the lessons! Don't make me start pulling out a contract again” you laughed.

When they asked you explained about your hastily written contract with Soap, how it had kept expanding after that. You even showed them the copy as messy as it was.

“I, the undersigned, agree that I will pay in full Mr John MacTavish* for works carried out either in monetary value or services/goods of equivalent value**** as soon as I have the means to do so. 

*& Mr Rudolpho Parra**

**and any members of the Los Vaqueros team*** 

***who are to be superceded in priority by any members of TF141

****as defined in value by the party being reimbursed”

It didn't feel much like a contract anymore what with Simon's messy scrawl and the massive pen stroke from when Soap had shoved Rudy as he was trying to add his addendum. But it always made you smile to look at.

You thought your heart might burst when they both very reverently take turns adding their own addendums on.

“I, the undersigned, agree that I will pay in full Mr John MacTavish* for works carried out either in monetary value or services/goods of equivalent value**** as soon as I have the means to do so.******

*& Mr Rudolpho Parra**

**along with any members of the Los Vaqueros team*** 

***who are to be superceded in priority by any members of TF141*****

****as defined in value by the party being reimbursed

*****including Farah Karim and Alex Keller who shall be deemed members TF141 for the purposes of this contract.******

*****Any works or services carried out by members of Kortac PMC (inclusive of Herzogin) are to be subject to the same terms of payment as above.”

After that they both paid in full for all the tea meaning you were left blustering about the double payment. And when before they left they pressed a kiss to your cheek, sandwiching you between them for a moment, you were sure you have melted right into the floor.

“That's your debt settled for the recipe” Farah teased as her and Horangi left.

–

You spent the day warmed by the smattering of visitors. Some drove out, some made the trip on foot, Gaz stopped by in the middle of his run and the sight of him shirtless and sweaty made you scald yourself when you accidentally overpoured and splashed hot tea over your hand.

“Ouch luv, c'mere and let me see” he said, immediately taking your hand delicately in both of his strong ones to do a quick inspection and then leading you over to the sink to run it under cold water.

“It's not that bad” you hissed as the water hit, it was freezing and you were really just trying to get out of having to hold it there for 10 minutes.

“Hush, don't know how deep it's went so need to make sure it cools down properly.”

You didn't feel like you were cooling down with his naked torso right there beside you, one hand still holding yours and the other resting absentmindedly on your waist. All of these customers of yours really would be the death of you.

You huffed a little and stuck your tongue out at him, knowing he was right but not liking it one bit. He laughed at you and gave you a light little headbutt into your hair, the easy affection making you smile despite yourself. You smiling made him smile and it was as always like looking at the sun when this man smiled. So much so you did not even hear the door go until you were crowded by another body, the new arrival slotting against your other side in a mirror of Gaz and sighing.

“What happened here then princess?” 

Gaz narrowed his eyes at Alex albeit playfully at the pet name, feeling his pinky brush again his hand now also settling in on you.

“Ah just clumsy! Not a very good omen to be spilling tea on the second day huh?”

“You know Ghost and Soap once got so drunk they passed out on the sofa and we found them all tangled up the next morning, said they must have moved in their sleep.”

You nearly choked on your own saliva at that, blinking up at Alex who was only grinning back at you.

“There now, we've both spilled tea, so I can take all the bad omens off of you.”

Goddamnit, Kyle always forgot how stupidly handsome and charming Keller was. Even being right in your space shirtless, having been meticulous in his work out this morning to ensure his body would look just right to get you flustered, you weren't even looking at him anymore. Too busy giving a soft smile to the American playboy. Well if you can't beat them…

You jumped when you felt Kyle's breath right at your ear. He had leaned over a little to join the conversation but it meant he was even closer than before and it was suddenly very, very warm. 

“Just to make sure though, Keller here will deny it ever happened but he once kissed a man right in front of his girlfriend! Right scandalous if you ask me. How's that for tea?”

“i-in front of your girlfriend?!” you asked, somewhat in shock that this man who had been nothing but sweet to you was a cheater. 

“As I recall, my girlfriend was the one that put in the request” he laughed, seeing your look of suspicion and softening. “I promise she was happy about it princess, we've always been open to sharing.”

Him and Gaz shared a look then, both obviously noticing that you were probably about to faint from the no doubt tame (scandalous in your head) images the idea of sharing was conjuring. While it was very endearing the way you reacted, the thump thump thumping of your heart almost perceptible, they couldn't find it within themselves to tease you more. Sweet little thing like you deserved better.

“Come on luv, let's get it dried off and wrapped up.”

Kyle lifted your hand away from the cold water and you realised they had completely distracted you from the discomfort. You wondered if it had been on purpose as he took you over to one of the stools and made you sit while Alex fished out the first aid box.

“Oh, how did you know where that was?”

“Military princess, reckon about everyone scoped out the exits, fire extinguisher and first aid kit last night. Laswell had me order some safety signs for express delivery, should arrive today actually.”

“Oh I didn't even think! How much did it cost? I’ll pay you for them straight away.”

Kyle sighed as he wrapped your hand, knowing exactly what was about to happen and not able to think of one reason to stop it. Besides, it's not like he didn't think you and Alex looked cute together and he didn't even bother to hide his grin of disbelief at how outrageous Keller was when he caressed your face.

“Farah said we could get a kiss in payment as long as it was an equivalent value. Would a kiss be OK princess?”

You didn't really remember nodding even though you had, but you were pretty sure you'd remember Alex Keller pressing a heart achingly soft kiss to your lips as long as you lived. You felt like your brain was flowing with syrup when he laughed lightly and fondly after kissing you, like he was happy he got to do it. 

“Medical fees as well luv, yeah?”

And then you were nodding and Kyle Garrick was kissing you while Alex still had one hand on your cheek and everything was a little too hot and overwhelming. 

Thankfully both men were merciful and didn't mention it when you blinked back into consciousness from fainting onto the counter. If Gaz had had to scream into Alex's shoulder because of how adorable he found it, well they didn't mention that either.

–

You were in trouble now. Kate Laswell was giving you a look that you were sure meant she could read your mind. 

“You're not in trouble, but you need to tell me the truth. Why were you staying at the base last night?”

Of course Laswell knew, she knew everything about everyone. You were the kind of soft she knew it was easy for hard soldiers to love, but if she thought for a second that one of the 141 had taken you to bed last night she was inclined to use them for shooting practice. You had been dead on your feet after opening day, not in any fit state for clandestine meetings.

Plus she felt protective over you, maybe a little possessive. You reminded her fiercely of her wife and she had already called her last night to tell her about you, suggesting they make the time to visit together when work was less hectic for her.

“Oh I-” you paused, desperately hoping you were not going to get anyone into trouble but itching to tell this woman the truth, “they found me asleep in one of the chairs so instead of waking me they let me use one of the beds. It was my fault for falling asleep where I did! They were just being kind.”

“Why didn’t the move you to your own bed?” Kate asked with a long suffering sigh. It would be just like the 141 to jump to the extreme option.

“It's um, they didn't know where it was.”

Kate had scoped out the place last night without crossing a line into snooping, but she had thought the door next to the stove would be a bedroom. The boys would have known that though, Price said Riley and MacTavish had helped a lot with construction and moving furniture. So either she was really going to have to leather them for taking you back to base when your bed was right there, or the room was a storage space.

“And where is that?”

“Hm?”

“Where do you sleep?”

“Oh hang on, I'll get you another cup!”

Kate watched you stumble away with the poor excuse of getting the pot to pour another cup of tea for her. Her teacup was still half full. And she was indeed going to have to skin the 141 alive. How did it take them so long to figure out that you didn’t have a proper place to sleep? The quiet fury she felt at thinking how long you had been curling up on one of the chairs surprised her for only a moment before she let it settle in. Kate Laswell had always been very good at quickly identifying who she considered her people and her knack of it hadn’t let her down yet. 

“How long have you been sleeping here?”

You froze as you were reaching for the teapot. 

“I-i the basement? Since I got the place.”

Kate was well aware there was not a basement, not unless there was a magical hidden hatch to it. Even if she hadn’t been 99% certain, the fact that you were the worst liar she had ever encountered and the look of alarm she saw on Alejandro’s face as he slid through the door gave her assurance she was right. The question at this point was how to gentle you into telling her what was going on and why you didn’t have somewhere to sleep. She wished her wife were here, between the two of them she was more the people person. 

“Try again cariño, there is no basement in this building.”

Your ruse was rapidly falling apart with Alejandro now here as well. You had been so sure you had gotten away with it as well, and you were just stuck to the spot gaping trying to get your brain to come up with some sort of excuse. 

“Well um, I know I said basement but I- the thing is maybe it’s just a plan to have a basement. Right. That’s what I meant, that I’m going to put in a basement and have a bed there. Yeah. And that means that right now I don’t have one. A basement I mean, or uh, yeah a bed. But it’s totally fine, that chair by the fire is super comfortable and it’s not that bad for my back and Herzogin likes being able to curl in my lap anyway and actually I really like it because the blanket would be a little too small if I was all stretched out anyway and-”

Alejandro had known you long enough to see when your brain was absolutely catching fire. It was one of the things he loved because he knew he was always able to calm you down and it made him feel overwhelmingly content whenever he did. Right now though he at least wished your brain was catching fire over something small like offering him a new type of tea or short circuiting when Rudy had poured water over himself to cool down in the summer (Ale had nearly throttled him, little shit had known what he was doing) and not over something that made him want to smuggle you home to Mexico and make sure you never wanted for anything ever again. 

He could put aside his own feelings right now though, walking over and enveloping you in a warm hug, squeezing just the right amount to make your words trail off and your brain slow down now that it felt safe and comfortable. You clung to him almost instantly, burying your head in his chest and fighting tears. You were so embarrassed to be caught, it made you feel like you couldn’t look after yourself at all.

It wasn’t that you had meant for it to all work out this way, but you were chasing a dream and you sort of came second to that. Last night you had finally made it and it had been better than you ever dared hope, it had been beyond perfect. You hadn’t even thought to include your own comfort in that dream of yours, and now when you really thought about how you had been living it all caught up and made you feel awful and exhausted. 

“There come on now, it’s ok” Alejandro said softly, leaning a cheek against your hair and sharing a look with Kate, “we’re going to make sure you’re looked after ok? Just until we can sort something a little more permanent out for you.”

“I couldn’t, I don’t… I just need a little time to save up and I can get stuff” you sniffled, doing your best to keep it together.

You were fully out of money, last night had made a small fortune but that needed to go towards overdue bills and restocking. It was enough that you would be in the clear at least, and then you could actually start saving if you managed to make any profit. You wanted to say you could survive a few more cold nights, but now that it had finally hit you, that you had spent a night in a warm, cosy bed, you didn’t know that you could. 

Alejandro just hushed soothingly at you, petting your hair and letting you cry it out. He knew for a fact Kate was taking advantage of knowing he would not do anything right now that was not solely with the purpose of your comfort in mind, he could see her typing away on her phone and glancing at him as if to say “I’m going to make sure she’s looked after, but it’s nice that you can distract her while I do that I suppose.”

Would he say he was happy when Nikolai showed up to whisk you off to a B&B for the night? Mixed feelings really. He was happy that you would spend the night safe and warm nearby. He was furious it wasn’t going to be with him. And then that vanished when he melted fully to a puddle as you darted quickly back after locking up and saying goodbye to them to nervously press a kiss to his cheek.

“It’s in the contract that I should repay you for things. I hope this works to repay you for being so kind to me.”

If Kate’s snort of amusement at his scream into his hands after you had left was anything to go by, it worked far too well.

–

“We only have a double room left, will that be ok sir?”

Nikolai had taken one look at you all cried out and sniffling outside that tea shop and decided there and then that he was going to feed you the largest meal of your life and then tuck you into a nice, warm bed and let you sleep for as long as you wanted. If he had known when he got the message from Price about the tea shop opening that you were the little thing behind the Captain and Gaz calling in all their favours he would have told the general he was flying to a critical mission to walk so he could attend. 

As it was he had been on his way to visit and apologise for not making it when he had gotten the message from Kate that she was giving him a new assignment. He didn’t know the full background, he did know that the 141 was in big trouble whatever had happened. Not his problem, he was focused on you. 

He had teased that he was going to fly you out of there at first and you had about passed away on the spot before he scrambled to tell you he was joking. The B&B wasn’t too far, it was in the nearest little village an hours walk from the teashop in the opposite direction of the base. You told him you were ok to walk and he had scooped you onto his back anyway, let you wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head on his shoulder as you chatted away about anything and everything.

Your attempts at learning some Russian was adorable, trying to wrap your tongue around the words he would give you before even asking what they meant (he had gotten you to say ‘I am very cute’ perfectly and then told you it meant ‘thank you’, so delighted when you said it frequently that it overrode the guilt at being so duplicitous about it. He’d tell you one day. Maybe).  

“Of course, double is perfect.”

Not that you would protest given that you were fast asleep on his back now, the weight of your head on his shoulder comforting. You deserved the rest he imagined, he had gotten pictures from Price of the opening. It wasn’t easy to have so many big personalities in one place, much less have them all vying for your attention. He took great glee knowing that every single one would be chewing glass when they found out he had you all to himself right now.

You woke up when you were put down onto the bed, blearily blinking as you tried to work out your new surroundings. It was a cosy little room, the bed you were on was like a marshmallow with the perfect firm to squishy ratio and Nikolai who you had come to like very much in the last hour was laying out a frankly disgusting amount of room service onto the little table, so much of it that you could see some had already needed to be put on the vanity.

It was wonderful to exist in a sleepy, happy haze as you ate your weight in comforting pub food, soaked in the bath he had run for you and then fell into bed. Only there was only one bed. And he was already settling himself in the armchair and putting on reading glasses that made him look adorable to start one of the little romcoms from the tiny library in the foyer. In truth Nikolai was more inclined to share, but he knew that even the act of asking you would put pressure on you. He knew a people pleaser when he saw one. 

“...the bed is big enough for you as well. Would it be ok if we shared?”

Well he hadn’t expected you to be the one asking him and it took him by surprise enough that he put down his book and just blinked at you for a moment, brain short circuiting and answering in Russian instead with a heartfelt speech about how he did not want you to feel you had to offer and how he would love to hold you if you’d let him because you seemed like you should always be held and if he got to be the one to do that for only one night he would be so grateful for the trust you had given him.

You had no clue what this handsome man was saying, but it sounded nice. You hoped you hadn’t overstepped.

“I’m sorry I didn’t understand. I… have a bit of a contract with the 141. It’s for services and goods of equivalent value when they help me out. And you’ve helped me out a lot tonight so I know sharing the bed isn’t exactly, well I mean it’s really your bed, so I should be the one in the chair really, so it’s not me repaying you at all to share it” you rambled, very sleepy from the abundance of food and the warm bath.

“Oh lapposhychka, it is no wonder I got such warm messages from the Captain” Nikolai sighed, seeing how a light blush dusted across your nose when you got yourself worked up about a problem. “I do not want you to make yourself uncomfortable because you think to repay me with it.”

You brought the blankets right up to the bridge of your nose to hide your little shy smile, feeling somehow like you could tell him the truth that you could never say out loud to anyone else.

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I was the one who wrote it down to be vague just incase… people wanted to be creative with interpretation.”

Nikolai took a moment to understand and then laughed so loudly that you could hear the neighbours laughing at his boisterous laugh. He was happy to slide into bed beside you then and you were using his chest as a pillow and listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your ear. When you tried to thank him in Russian he only laughed lightly and hugged you as you drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

–

“Open bonnie.”

You automatically opened your mouth to let Soap feed you another bite of pastry, eyes not leaving the accounts you were pouring over. Johnny wasn’t complaining at how concentrated you were, not when it meant you had let yourself be hand fed by him after being manoeuvred into Simon’s lap. It was almost enough to make up for his plans being ruined to offer you his bedroom after Kate and Alejandro (and then very swiftly via Rudy’s big mouth everyone) had found out about your sleeping arrangements. 

You had been back to open the next morning and were going over what it would cost to stay in the B&B and build an extension versus the cost of just renting or getting a mortgage on a place in the village. Him and Simon had shared several looks to the tune of “we are going to need to get it into her pretty head somehow that we can pay for everything and actually wouldn’t it be easier for her to always have access to everything she needed if she married one of us?” and then getting into an argument about who that should be. 

It was idyllic and wonderful and then of course Simon had to be Simon and have an admirer who was jealousy pawing at the beautiful thing in his lap.

“Oh! Ah Herzogin, I’m so sorry, I’ve taken your space haven’t I?” you said with a little scritch behind her ears as you stood and stretched. 

Immediately the cat was up in Simon’s lap and purring aggressively, making biscuits into his thigh. The look between him and Johnny then was more to the tune of:

“Jesus Si dae ye have tae be such a bloody cat magnet?”

“Well what do you want me to do Johnny? Shove König’s cat onto the floor?”

“Wait… wait we need tae steal König’s cat.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well if we want tae have her pick us…”

The unspoken conversation did not make it much further because you were asking if they wanted a drink. Johnny ordered an Irish coffee, Simon ordered an earl grey tea with steamed milk, vanilla and a touch of honey. 

“Oh, you mean a L-” you started, Simon looking at you like he may commit homicide if you said the words ‘London Fog’ to refer to his drink order. 

“Llllllarge earl grey tea with steamed milk, vanilla and a touch of honey,” you finally said, desperately improvising. 

“A large, yes sweetheart” he said with a grin that nearly knocked you unconscious anytime you saw it on his unmasked face. “Although I’ll take payment for looking after the cat just now.”

While one hand was scritching at said cat he used the other to grab your waist and pull you closer, tilting his head up and smirking. Honestly he had mostly expected you to blush brightly and if he was very lucky kiss his cheek, so when you leaned down and pressed your lips to his beautifully gently the scariest solider the SAS had ever seen was reduced to blushing brightly himself.

Soap was only too eager to remind you of his services of feeding you bites of food so you wouldn’t simply waste away while you were working and your bravery only stretched so far to give him a quick peck before fleeing to the kitchen absolutely ablaze to make the coffee and London Fogarge earl grey tea with steamed milk, vanilla and a touch of honey.

–

It had been less of a fight than you thought for you to stay in the shop. Price had insisted they get you an air mattress and a proper duvet at least, but they had all been respectful of your wishes even if not happy about it when you had said you really would be ok. They were already doing so much now that you had decided to build an extension instead of renting or buying somewhere else (you loved this place so much, you didn’t want to be so far away). Already they were grumbling about contractors and how they’d do a bad job so you may as well let them do it and honestly? A little part of you felt like this was as much their baby as it was yours, so you were warmed that they wanted to help.

And you were also warmed by how they had listened. They hadn’t overruled you like you were worried they might, they had just made sure that you were safe and as comfortable as possible. Mind you their idea of safe was overkill (the locks on the door they had installed in record time were something out of a sci-fi movie and more often than not the past few weeks you had not been alone on that air mattress in the shop), but you still felt so listened to and respected in your own right.

This was the first evening in the last 5 you had spent just you and Herzogin. Well just you since she had slinked out to go cause mischief somewhere no doubt. You were honestly a little relieved when there was a knock at the door, feeling a little strange being alone now as you got up, jumped through hoops to unlock all the security protocols and opened the door.

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

You did not know the American on your doorstep in the torn skull balaclava, but you could see he had been beaten badly. 

“Who did this to you?” was spilling out of you as you reached out your arms to him to try to take some of his weight since he was slumped against the doorway.

“If I told you that I’d have to kill you sweetheart” he said, somehow managing to sound condescending even though he was hissing the words through gritted teeth.

It was probably a strange thing to think, but he reminded you of Simon. Something about the way he held himself, the way he handled this situation. The pet name. Maybe it was some transferred fondness that had you taking as much of his weight as you could handle and stumbling inside with him, dropping him on the sofa (a new addition thanks to Nik) and rushing over to get the first aid box that thankfully had been upgraded to a full military grade mini medic bay by Kate and Farah. 

“I mean you could try, but you’re not looking so hot” you said, bringing the kit over and kneeling by the sofa to try and figure out the worst of the damage.

“Ouch sweetheart, never had anyone tell me I don’t look hot on a first date.”

Oh this man was ridiculous, but at least if he was flirting he was probably not dying. 

“What can I say, high standards.”

You felt his eyes scrutinising you as you checked him over. You had trained in first aid before you had even bought this place, knowing that it would be legally required but also that morally you could not have people in your premises without knowing you could look after them. Not that your customers generally needed looking after. Even the ancient book club that had started coming in from the village on Sunday afternoons were tough as old nails.

“You’ve not called anyone.”

“Well I’m assuming you don’t want an ambulance involved, and I wanted to at least be able to say how bad you were before calling someone else.”

“Who are you gonna call?”

“Ghostbusters.”

He laughed and you hissed at him to stop when it clearly put him in more pain to do so. Poor Nik had been so proud when he had arrived with this sofa, had really been gloating to everyone about how you had reacted by launching yourself at him in a hug, and the chances of the blood stains ever coming out were very slim. 

“And if I asked you not to?”

You looked at his eyes to find them staring back at you, almost in challenge. This guy sure was a piece of work, but you really wanted him to be ok. As you tried to pack the stab wound (you thought at least) with gauze, you mused that maybe this time somebody might owe you and not the other way around. 

“Then I’d wait until you passed out and then call him when you couldn’t say no if I asked.”

“Good girl.”

Oh. Oh. That was not something you were going to be exploring while your hands were covered in blood. You just levelled him with a glare that very much screamed ‘behave yourself’ and grabbed your phone to call Simon. He answered on the second ring.

–

You know when you really sat down to reflect, your life had gotten so strange. Fake dating König because some wildly charming man called Graves had called you “little darlin’” and that was apparently a security threat, having to smack Soap with one of those squeaky toy hammers any time he scratched at his stitches after coming back fully banged up from a mission, having to referee a tricycle race between Ale and Valeria (your first time meeting her had been wild in and of itself), mediating the all out war between the book club made up of 80+ year olds and the 141. 

One thing you could say for sure though when Price took your blind fold off to reveal the brand new extension finished with the absolute cosiest living space you could ever have wanted is that you were incredibly happy. It was a strange family that you found yourself in, but with that now almost illegible from all the additions contract proudly on the wall of your teashop, you found that it suited you just fine.

#mhairiwrites #fanfic #cod #cod au #tf 141 x reader #cod x reader #fluff #everyone x reader #I am too lazy to tag all the relationships because it would take FOREVER #keegan x reader #nikolai x reader #jamming all of the fluff tropes in actually #as a treat to myself

[aerkame]

Just a silly thought...and more

Just a silly little thought I had on Wally headcanons while I was trying to take a nap. EDIT: This turned into a short fanfiction, I will now have to make this a full one, there's too much potential.

So like Wally comes off as super out of it when it comes to our world almost. Like he's never been outside of the show, he's so used to being in Welcome Home with all his friends. Wally also seems like he's the only one truly sentient of himself within the show and the outside world.

He also seems pretty smug, or some other version of him does, No doubt Wally's ego has to be through the roof with being the center of attention all the time. Not only that, but he gets to spend all day with each and every one of his friends!

I'd imagine that if one day some poor unfortunate reader just accidentally brings home all of the puppets thinking they're ordinary puppets and wakes up early in the morning to these very odd and colorful strangers in their house. Like the puppets just came to life looking like their cartoon versions of themselves and also became life-sized, even some of the shorter characters just tower over you easily, and Barnaby can hardly fit through any of the doors!

Wally is sitting at the edge of your bed staring at you with Barnaby sleeping against his legs, Frank is looking at your shelves reading through books, sketchbooks, etc, Sally being more interested in the sketchbooks, Julie found some workout equipment and is playing with a jump rope, both Poppy and Howdy are rummaging through the kitchen, already antsy about needing to make stuff, Eddie is pretty interested in your printer, and you're sitting up in bed getting ready to scream bloody murder.

You don't scream though, but you're ready to. You can't tell if you're dreaming or not. Dreams are usually a pretty trippy falling feeling right? This feels real though. Where's that weird falling feeling you get when dreaming? Why are you able to think so clearly? Your brows furrow in deep thought.

Wally just sits there smugly smiling at you, leaning forward to give you a hello, he's so tall you feel like a small child compared to him. "Hello, I'm sorry that we had to meet like this, I hope you don't mind." His voice sounds soothing, monotone, and deep, and he isn't blinking. Instinctively, you slap your hand on his face and keep it there, feeling his expression scrunch up in confusion.

Nope, not a dream.

He gently takes your hand in his and removes you from his face, a small red area showing up where you slapped him.

It took about an hour of talking you down from being freaked out for Wally and the others to introduce themselves. They had sooo many questions of course. Like "What is this thing that makes colored paper come out?", "Why do you have these heavy thingies?" Sally holds up a 50lbs dumbbell with one hand like it's nothing, or "Why aren't you more colorful like us? Ooo can we cover you in paint?"

Needless to say you also had a lot of questions too, none of them were really answered though as all of the colorful characters were busy inspecting your house or were preoccupied with asking you about all sorts of items, they were like little kids. Wally was the only one that seemed to be the more mature one here though, it felt off, like he already knew you or like he was used to this.

At dinner, you went ahead and made food for everyone while also showing Poppy how you cook in this world. You noticed Wally didn't touch anything but the food simply disappeared right before your eyes, leaving you slack-jawed and speechless. "Oh don't worry, that's just how he eats!" Sally waved off your concern. This was starting to freak you out a bit.

After dinner you did your best to find places in the house for everyone to sleep until Wally suggested they all just sleep in your room like one big sleepover...something told you that he just wanted an excuse to be closer to you or to be able to keep a close watch though. Que you being squished in between these giant softies like a kid hiding in a giant pillow fort. Barnaby did make for a comfortable pillow though, and Poppy's feathers were so soft...and..and..you dozed off, not taking notice of Wally's staring eyes.

Sure, Wally has his friends to keep him company, and Welcome Home is such a cheery and colorful world! But it's missing just one thing. You.

#wh #welcome home #welcome home wally darling #welcome home barnaby #welcome home eddie #welcome home frank #welcome home julie #welcome home poppy #welcome home sally #wally darling #frank frankly #julie joyful #eddie dear #barnaby b beagle #fanfiction #my writing #wally darling x reader #wally x reader #wh wally #everyone x reader #writing #requests open #fanfic #headcanon #x reader #headcanons #bit of fluff #I had a nice fish and rice while writing this #Welcome home fanfiction #wh fanfiction

[iridescentdove]

I need a BSD x Reader where it’s just the reader casually rizzing up everyone like no one is safe from the reader’s infinite rizz, not the ADA, not the PM, not the DOA, not the guild, and definitely not the Hunting Dogs, not even civilians; it’s literally everyone that is getting rizzed up, while the reader is aware and laughs and points at every clown they rizzed up.

THE ULTIMATE RIZZLORD.

various!BSD x reader

A/N: anon, I would like to point out how much I love you and this request right now. also, I put the reader in the port mafia for fun because why not.

Absolutely speechless.

This is how everyone felt – well, whether whoever it may be, there was just one thing all could collectively agree on. They may all be feared and powerful factions that anyone could basically kneel down to, however ...

Who THE FUCK is this audacious person?

MORI was the first to witness your ass flirt with every single person you saw. But no, did you even care? Not at all. He stares, bewildered and mildly in concern as you came up to every single person you saw – completely distracted from the mission at hand as you asked women to step on you, choke you ...

He wants you throw you back from where you came from.

Oh wait, nevermind. You were now flirting with HIM. MORI is in even more shock at your confidence. Damn, pretty bold of you. But he actually thought you kinda hot fr. Elise still #1 bae tho

And somehow, you were taken up to being an executive. Everyone is morbid and utterly terrified.

How the fuck is someone like you an EXECUTIVE?? HELLO??

CHUUYA turns as red as his hair could ever be. Look man, he just wanted to complain about Dazai and you here just ..

"That fucking idiot Dazai! I'll rip him apart!"

"Yes daddy- I mean, can you do that to me too?"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ those fingers are so slender and pretty .."

"Wh-"

"Mind if I ... caress them a little, babygorl?"

"(Y/N) WHAT-"

Aww, look at that, Chuuya is deader than Odasaku <3

But God forbid you be taken on important missions against another factiom because fuck man. All you're there for is 1% fighting, 99% rizzing.

Y'know when everything was in chaos in Yokohama bcz of the Guild trying to take over? Everyone's fighting their ass off, God knows where DAZAI is but no one cares, and you?? Uh yeah already guessed it.

Tryna rizz up the agency.

Like yes, they're in trouble, everyone is, we know but fuck war we want fictional men. And women.

"Are you lingo? Because we can make a good duo 😏" - you

"... Did you just make a duolingo pickup line" - kunikida

Man times when the port mafia and the agency are in a truce, you're there back and forth flirting nonstop. Everyone is red, turned on from your oh so amazing rizzler skills

DAZAI enjoys your company obviously. Both of you create so much chaos, but even sometimes you're so much worse than him. You're the only one who can actually surprise him. Like wtf bitch stop flirting with the damn secret police?? Uh??

You make suicidal jokes, whispering them so sexily in his ear he wanna take you to the bed right there mamasita lip bite

Oh, the Decay of Angels wanna achieve world domination? They can dominate sumn else if you know what I mean

No words can express how terrified u keep making everyone THAT'S FYODOR HE'LL KILL YOU WITH A TOUCH BITCH- oh wait nvm he's melting from all of your rizz and affection.

You are literally so sweet but so confusing. SIGMA sees you around the Sky Casino just chilling and flirting with everyone you see. He don't mind cause you hot anyway

The Guild kinda ... actually, no. They're not safe. FITZGERALD? More like Rizzgerald cause this bitch 'bout to get rizzed so hard he turns poor

Yeah .. I don't take it to heart.

You'll just be up in their ass even after the Yokohama incident. Literally all of them both love and hate you. "Should we throw her off a cliff or kiss her" "Idk the second option is kinda tempting tho" "Boss, what do we d-" "Both."

DAMN LOVECRAFT AND BRAM TOO?? BITCH STOP 😭

No one can escape from your rizz. Okay one time you got kidnapped by the fuckin Hunting Dogs but you just?? Started to rizz up and call JOUNO ur bbygorl?? He is seconds from slicing your head off but he gave up at this point.

Where you got that rose from 🤨

Why the fuck is romantic music playing 😐

You asked FUKUCHI himself to choke you and slam you against the wall. Not even an ounce of regret of fear.

Everyone officially is scared of you.

ANGO isn't free from this either, bitch. You'll strut into the room all happy to talk for a mission and all but ... uhh. "So you're from the Special Division? I can't blame you then ... I feel as if I have something special going on for you."

ANGO, internally: iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp- iamnotasimp-

Sadly, he is now a simp.

The fact his face turns so red is not unnoticed by you. You laugh, clowning everyone you literally rizzed up no joke. They're so in love with ur pretty/handsome/hot ass 😔

No one is free. If you find a pretty bird, ask it's hand for marriage. There is no other way but that.

Mk but the way you literally hit on AKUTAGAWA do be funny. Bitch is so oblivious, he just thinks you're another certain blonde hair slaying bitch 😳

By the time he actually knows you're rizzing him up by being more direct about your advances, he is questioning life.

But bcz you're SOO close to DAZAI maybeee we can ...

Work sumn out, you know? heh

One day the mafia just be chilling and BOOM heree comes the wh00000re~ hello wh000re~ welcome~ 😍

(i am so sorry if this offends someone it's a meme-)

Cue everyone sighing as you come in and start your daily routine which is rizzing. You'll be caressing KOUYOU's cheek, talking to CHUUYA with that sexy ass deep voice, whispering in MORI's ear, and everytime you breathe the vine boom sound effect comes off.

Can't say they don't like it though. We all know we have some horny deviants lovestruck little cuties <3 but let's just say it's hard being here with those hoes 😔✌️

Yet most especially,

You.

*bites lip* (i am sorry.)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #crack #shitpost #bsd shitpost #hunting dogs bsd #port mafia #armed detective agency #rizz lord #idk what im doing #bruh wtf #anyways #hope you like <3 #decay of angels #everyone x reader

[jk-unless]

What’s Going On Here?

Pairing: Poly!BAU (Season 1 Team + Emily) x Reader

Summary: You join the BAU and immediately notice something a little…strange.

A/N:Fair warning that this is an extremely self indulgent fic and the characters are a little ooc because of it.I also wrote it in a headcanon format because I didn’t know how to go about it an a regular format…I apologize for this mess in advance.

̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ָ࣪ ̽𖧧 ࣪

A new face never goes unnoticed in the BAU for long,especially during a slow period where no new cases are coming in.

You just so happen to join during one of them.The team was grateful for the break,but they were all bored out of their minds and you were the most excitement that they had had all week.

You were greeted very warmly,everyone (except for Reid) offering their hand for a quick shake when Gideon and Hotch first introduced you.You had everyone’s undivided attention and,frankly,it was a little overwhelming.

Not long after you joined,cases started to pile in again.

You immediately proved yourself to be very useful during discussions and on the field,therefore quickly earning respect from your colleagues.

All in all,you were fitting into the team very well…for the most part.

It was obvious that the team had formed a very strong bond and,despite feeling a little left out at times , you understood that it’d take a minute for you to become part of that bond.

However…there was more to it than that.

It was the way they would get so emotional and their decision making would become so irrational when one of the others were compromised.

It was the way any time they would brush past each other,they’d lean into the touch just the slightest bit.

It was the mean and unwelcoming look they gave any intruder that flirted with one of them while working a case or just having a night out.

It was the way they smiled at each other.Sometimes coy sometimes suggestive,but almost always flirtatiously.

You really didn’t mean to jump to any conclusions.Maybe they were just really good friends.Maybe they all were just flirts and physically affectionate by nature.

But if being a behavioral analyst made you good at anything, it was studying people.And your studies show that there was something not entirely platonic going on between these people.

The only exception was Gideon.He didn’t look like an outsider by any means,but you were pretty sure that he wasn’t involved in whatever was going on.

As soon as you came to your conclusion,you tried to push it into the depths of your mind as to not think about it.

Because if they haven’t outright said anything to you about it after over half a year,it obviously wasn’t something they felt comfortable with sharing.

But they were making it so hard!

How were you suppose to ignore the protective,almost possessive hand that Aaron would put on the back of whoever was closest to him when the team would go out for drinks at night?

Or the way Emily would look away annoyed every time Derek would have to flirt with a potential suspect to get something out of them?(At first you thought it was because she thought it was unprofessional,but that was proven to not be the case when Derek would have to subtly comfort her afterwards.)

And were you just suppose to act like you didn’t notice Spencer’s puffy lips and flustered face when he walked out of Penelope’s office in a hurry??

Despite all of this, nothing confirmed your suspicions more than your one year anniversary celebration.

You genuinely didn’t even plan on mentioning it,was completely ready to go about the day like any other day.

Until Penelope and Elle invited you to a little sleepover.Neither of them mentioned the anniversary in the invitation,so you figured that they didn’t know about it and just wanted to hang out.

That is,until you walked into Elle’s house and was met with the entire team.

They yelled out ”Surprise!” with big,excited smiles on their faces and you couldn’t help but tear up at the sentiment.

They teased you lightheartedly,pulled you in for a group hug,and the party officially began.

You were having a great time the entire night and as the night went by…the mood began to shift.

Of course the team would be more comfortable and let loose outside of the office…but this wasn’t how you expected them to do that.

Emily and Aaron were sitting over on the couch talking in hushed voices as Emily softly played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Derek had his arms wrapped around Penelope’s middle with his head on her shoulder as she put the finishing touches on one of the desserts.

And Elle and JJ sat on either side of Spencer,both with one leg draped over his own as they showed him Tiktoks that he didn’t understand.

You had been talking to Jason when you started to take all of this in and the older man realized you had gone quiet.He waved a hand infront of your face,the sudden movement startling you a bit.

“Y/N,sweetheart,is everything alright?”

You managed to get out an “I just need some fresh air.” before quickly making your way through the front door.

You had your suspicions from the get-go,but having it basically confirmed not verbally but physically right in front of you,it was overwhelming to say the least.

You tried your best to not look like you were freaking out.After a couple minutes outside you smoothed out your clothes,took a deep breath,and headed back inside.

The team asked if you were alright once you made it back in.You dismissed their worries,telling them you had just gotten a little hot,but it was obvious that they weren’t buying it.

The night continued on for an hour or so anyway.You,Penelope,and Elle herded the rest of the team out with goodbye hugs and kisses,throwing in a “drive safely!” for good measure.

The three of you were pooped to say the least,but you cleaned up a bit and put on a random movie anyway.

You all were asleep before the beginning credits could finish.

The next morning, you all headed back to the office.

The morning was going pretty normally,everyone catching up on paperwork in the bullpen as they waited for JJ to get ready to brief them.

JJ was eventually ready for everyone,therefore rounding everyone up into the conference room.

Once everyone was seated, JJ standing at her usual place by the Promethean board,Aaron was the last to join.As he did so,he closed the door and locked it.You found it odd,but otherwise didn’t question it.

What you did question was everyone’s nervous behavior.Spencer was fidgeting more than usual and everyone kept glancing at each other,like they were expecting the other to say something first.

The suspense was killing you.

“Alright guys,what’s going on?You’re making me nervous.” An anxious little giggle slipping out further proving your point.You also took a second to look around and realized Jason wasn’t at the table. “And where’s Jason?”

“Jason is still in his office,he’ll join us when we’re done.” Aaron,always being the man in charge,speaks up.

“With…the briefing?” You asked,genuinely confused about the entire situation.

“With talking to you.” Penelope spoke up next, nervously fidgeting with one of her silly pens.

“To me?What about?” Oh,you had a feeling what is was about.You just needed to hear them say it.

“Y/N,in the past year you have not only proven yourself to be a very valuable part of the team but has also wiggled your way into our little family.We care about you very much and we trust you…which is why we’re comfortable with sharing with you what we’re about to…” Aaron started the explanation,but looked to Derek to say the most crucial part.

“To put it plainly,everyone in this room is in a relationship with each other.Not as an everyone is paired off in couples or we’re a group of swingers-no we’re all in big relationship.”

You couldn’t even began to think of a word that would properly describe how you were feeling in that very moment.

Flabbergasted and discombobulated were both pretty close though.

“…What?!” Was your initial reaction.It must have come off worse than you meant it to because everyone retreated into themselves a bit.

“I’m sorry,I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.I’m just…shocked?Like,I had my suspicions,but being right about them?Woah.”

Your astonishment at the end of your explanation made everyone chuckle,finally relieving the tension in the room.

“Do you…have any questions for us?” Spencer asks,feeling a little more confident now that he knows your opinion on the matter.

“A few.But I think my main one is…how?”

“With lots of confusion,sexual tension,fooling around,and finally confessions.” Elle stated bluntly.

“Elle!” Emily scolded her significant other lightly.

“Well am I wrong?!” This got another laugh from everyone,you included.

“As fun as all of this has been,I do have a case to brief.I’m gonna go ahead and call in Gideon.”

A/N: I DIDN’T WANT THIS TO NEED A PART TWO BUT IT WILL!

#poly!bau #poly bau #criminal minds #poly!bau x reader #everyone x reader

[megistusmona-mp4]

random south park x gn!reader incorrect quotes

these are probably ooc (out of character)

gif by ﹫///jenoevil on twt.

Y/N: Favorite horror movie?

Christopher: It

Gregory: Saw

Damien: Annabelle

Pip: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Y/N: Nothing in life is free.

Christopher: Love is free!

Gregory: Adventure is free.

Damien: Knowledge is free.

Pip: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Y/N: Anyone d-

Craig: Depressed?

Tweek: Drained?

Clyde: Dumb?

Butters: Disliked?

Y/N: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

Y/N: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Craig: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Tweek: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Clyde: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Butters: My moral code, is that you?

Y/N:

Y/N: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Y/N: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Craig: Several traffic violations.

Tweek: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Clyde: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Butters: Also, that’s not our car.

Y/N: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Kenny: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Y/N: Three of us saw it, Kenny. How do you explain that?

Kenny: *points at Cartman* Sleep deprivation. *points at Kyle* Paranoia. *points at Stan* Delusional personality disorder.

Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Kenny: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Stan: Socks are Feetie Heaties

Kyle: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Kenny: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties

Stan: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Kyle: Stamps are Lickie Stickies

Cartman, annoyed: You are disappointments

Y/N: You're a loose cannon, Kenny.

Kenny: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Cartman: I think you play by your own rules.

Kyle: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Y/N: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Kenny: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Stan is a loose cannon.

Stan: *smashes a chair*

Y/N: Dammit, Wendy!

Wendy: What?! It wasn’t me!

Y/N: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Bebe!

Bebe: Not me either.

Y/N: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Heidi: *whistles*

Y/N: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Wendy: What?

Bebe: That you're a child.

Heidi: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

Y/N, to Stan: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Stan, motioning to themself and Kyle: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Y/N: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Stan: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Kyle: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Stan: Good thinking.

Y/N: WHY. why did you give Kyle a KNIFE?!

Stan: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Y/N: Now I feel unsafe!

Stan: I’m sorry.

Stan: ... would you like a knife?

Y/N: Pip, can I talk to you for a second?

Pip: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Damien are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Y/N: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Y/N: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Damien: If?

Pip: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Y/N: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Damien: Just rip the bandage off.

Y/N: It’s Pip.

Damien: Put the bandage back on.

#south park #south park x reader #incorrect quotes #south park incorrect quotes #south park x reader incorrect quotes #christopher x reader #gregory x reader #pip x reader #damien x reader #craig x reader #tweek x reader #clyde x reader #butters x reader #kenny x reader #stan x reader #cartman x reader #kyle x reader #everyone x reader #oh ny god this tookk FoREVER 🤬‼️

[thekillingjoke-haha]

Can you maybe write a poly romantic content for the seven from the boys with a fem reader with also lots of jealousy and possessiveness with the og team from s1?

Just The Assistant Right?

Warning: Assault,Blood,Physical fighting,domestic dispute,jealously, possessive,angst turn heated.

Y/n was a name that could bring the seven most popular and well know heroes drop to their knees. She was their personal assistant hired early on in the sevens rise in popularity she was mainly their to keep the teams image clean and their behavior in check. Yes of that lead to a relationship between the team and her although that was unknown to the public which was best for business said Stillwell.

So back to the main focus in time she was in a chair off to the side as John and Kevin or Homelander and The Deep was being interviewed before her and she was actively watching another interview with the other five partners silinently playing live with captions on as she worked on the laptop. "Here is my final questions your love life..." "Lets get to the juicier questions." Y/n rolled her e/c orbs at the statements they always asked to fuel the fires that lit in the horny bitches pants that lived and breathed to have the slim chance of fucking the seven members. Their was a set response to these questions they say their single and could never imagine settling down with so many people to protect blah blah blah. "Rumors are going around about the team falling for that pencil pusher assistant L/n so is it true?" The bubbles younge women asked the five of the seven members,but her eyes snapped up from reading the captions looking up at the differently phrases words."Word has been spreading g about a potential relationship with Ms.L/n care to shed some light on this?" Slowly moving Y/n turned up her volume slightly to her the live interview. "L/n is just a close influence in our lives,but she is only just our personal assistant that handles our affairs." John was the first to speak up smiling full of charm as Kevin's brown eyes widened slightly before he nodded along feeling the headed glare only a few yards away. "Y/n? She nobody really low ranking supe that need a place." Reggie said with a chuckle adjusting his blue and white shades as Maeve responded after. "Just our assistant that helps us out haha." She said nervously it was clear for someone that knew her and the h/c women knew her inside and out. The others only agreed with their statement and she closed her laptop and stood from her chair her eyes seeming to cut the two supes infront of her. Her face held no emotions as she leaned over to the PR Ashley and whispered something before turning on her heels and strutting out of the interview early. The team knew right then that they fucked up,but they were supes and the assistants lovers mad can she be?

The stone and steel of the vought table creaked under her hand that layed on top of the surface as the team sat at the table looking at her. "Why are you so angry,baby? You know we can't out our relationship." John spoke up as he looked at her a smirk pulled on his lips like he could do no wrong. "So by doing that you disrespect at my job a,d as a person oh that so much better,Johnathan really let me give you all a hand." Y/n clapped sarcastically as her hard gaze roughly panned over all of them. "Glad to know I'm nothing,but a joke to y'all."

Annie shook her head as she look up at her girlfriend in distress. "No n/n it wasn't like that it was j—" but shebwas cut off by the blonde male as he let out a emotionless laugh. "Yes its exactly what it looked like. Compared to us you are nothing without us you wouldn't have anything so yes you're nothing more then or little pencil pushing,bend over,order taking assistant nothing more." The room fell silent not a single sound heard and it stayed that why for a lifetime which was only a few minutes. "You all have a meeting with Ashley and Stillwell about up coming projects and I'll be taking a much deserved vacation away from you assholes. Take the time to forget about what we had." Y/n spoke deathly calm the eye of the storm making them all choke on a breath as the realization that this moment of silence will be broken with their unkempt rage as she walking with her head held up high out of the room and out of the building to her apartment. All hell broke loose as they supes caught up the same chapter in the book. She just broke up with them over their mistakes and was leaving them and they didn’t stop her. The room was in shambles and it barley reflected their pain and anger. Noir who was off to the side looked to the only other team member calm enough to listen as he signed to him.

"Its all our fault we pushed her away and brushed her all. Not even defending her and now she's out there looking for someone that won't make the same mistake we made that will hold on and won't let go" Grant or Translucent said for Noir as he look at the team rubbing a hand down his face balling up his fist as it went opast his chin. "Are we just gonna sit here and ponder or are we getting her?!" Maeve said as she stood up already rushing towards the double doors Kevin following after her. The seven broke off into groups of two while John was on his own since he could fly and see through buildings he'll notify the team quicker. The sun was setting on the supes face as he landed at the front door of her apartment opening the door with his copy of the key.

The whole space was clean and put togther the only evidence it wasn't a model apartment was the decorative pillows and the photos of the team separate and togther littered on the walls and shelves. Stepping deeper into the cluches of the pale walled living room he couldn't hear anyone inside ignoring this he kept going forward to the office it was empty and papers scattered on the marble desk yet none spilled to the floor with a sigh he moved on. The bedroom the clothes she was wearing a hour ago was balled up in the hamper the lid not closed and the closet door was wide open with the light on. Johns eyes did catch something that was purposely placed. A note.

'If I'm just your assistant than please keep this business casual. Relationships in the work place wow a HR nightmare. So I'm gonna find multiple someone's to fill the space...being a great fuck is a bonus tho.~

—The Seven

John crunched the paper up before pressing his comm telling his findings. They now had a idea where to find her a club and their is only one place open at this time. Supernova. They all rushed,but only after changing into civilian clothing cause suits meant business in the supe nightclub.

Back to Y/n~~

Walking through the doors Y/n immediately had eyes on her maybe because shr was normal it was like these supes can smell it and those that had a particular kink for normies where like a flock of birds and she was a new shiny toy. Perfect. Men and few women alike gravitated towards her as she stood at the bar ordering a glass of red wine. The first brave soul was a black haired man that had a cleanly shaved face. "Hey,doll. What's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?" He asked liking his lips as he looked at her cleavage. His tongue was forked like a lizard and on a closer look green scales were on his neck seeing to thin out in the front. "Why is anyone here? To get drunk and get fucked." She grinned.

The man groaned as he held her hips turning her away from the bar and pulled her close. A warm breeze passed against her shoulders and she saw two people a man and woman there. Both of them dawned blonde hair and blue eyes. Must be twins and from the looks of it where a small town heroes. "Now look at you two straight from a wet dream. Just gonna stand and watch or lead us all to a booth?" Togther they nodded and lead them to a large c shaped booth that should hold more than four,but it was best than those couches. Y/n was there to forget about the Seven and if it meant warming her bed for the night so be it. What she didn't expect was for the seven to walk through the doors and a certain translucent supe saw flickering with his powers. The others noticed and asked what was wrong. "They are touching what's ours!" Grant hissed in anger and the others followed his eyes and their own filling to the brim in jealous rage.

Anthony was the first to make it to the table removing the blonde man throwing him over the side of the leather booth. Annie and Maeve were next and grabbed the second twin the blonde seven tossing the girl to the waiting brunette that punched her lights out as Noir seemed to come up from nowhere knocking out the unconscious girls brother with the handle of his knife.

Grant was dragging the two away to another area for someone else's problem. Kevin grabbed the black haired serpent breaking the connection he had on his girlfriends lips his fist met his jaw repeatedly before pulling him around the curve of the c shaped bench and dropped him to the ground. The supe shook his head gaining his barings and spitting out blood that had collected in his mouth. Spitting it right on the boots of the sevens leader. The serpent hybrids eyes trailed up the jeaned pant legs to looking into the eyes of the devil himself. Blue and full of possessive jealously that his blood curdling smile over shadowed. "You shove that disgusting snake tongue down her throat and now you spit not at,but on my feet." John hummed and his eyes started to glow red his orbs fading.

As he was about to burn holes into his head a gental hand grabbed his chin and another rested on his arm. "Now Johnny boy not here. Behave and I'll come home and give ya a treat." Y/n purred into his ear and his eyes dimmed the man crawling away with his life in hand. "Good boy." She hummed kissing behind his ear making the blonde relax before wrapping his arms around her his face in her neck taking in the perfume he bought her. She was his. She was theirs and losing her today only proved that they wanted her more than anything even if it meant killing. Y/n might not be super,but she heard the distinct sound even over the music and mosns, skull cracking and brain matter meeting a thick boot. Noir.

"You're ours,darling. We know we fucked up,but seeing you gone and with them was nothing compared to you not being ours." Margaret brushed her h/c hair off of her shoulder gently playing with the strap of her dress as a four hand went to hold the side of her chest just under her arms. "Ours we'll scream it if we have to. Ours to touch." Kevin said his fingers teasing the lace. "Ours to hold." John hummed his arms still around her. "Ours to kiss." Grant kissed her shoulder blade. "Ours to please." Annie uncharacteristically grabbed at her exposed thigh massaging the flesh. "Ours to tease." Anthony nipped at her earlobe. "Ours to love." Noir said lastly his hand sliding down her back resting at the small of it above John's arms.

Y/n smiled her e/c orbs full of lust and passion coated in love for the suoes around her. She wasn't just the assistant. She was theirs as much as they were hers.

"And mine to fuck."

=======================

=======================

A/n: hope ya liked it never did suck a large poly and fuck I don't know Translucent at all so many of them are out of character.

#the boys #starlight #x reader #homelander #queen maeve #the deep #translucent #black noir #a train #fake names #polymorous #poly the seven #the seven #vought #nightclub #jealousy #possessive #miss when gone #dom!reader #everyone x reader #angst #suggestive

[yonby]

Masterlist

Created:6/16/23

Open for requests!

I write for demon slayer! Hc’s, short stories and mainly x reader stuff! Please do request, I’m itching to write stuff atm.

Demon slayer

Muchiro and GN!reader (platonic or romantic)

Rules:

I will not write:

- major gore

-gross kinks

- major SH

- minors smut

I will write:

- fluff

- smut

- angst

- minor gore

- family tropes

- Cc × reader

- Cc × Cc

- just about anything not in the restricted areas.

Again, requests are open and very much encouraged!!

#demon slayer #x reader #kny x you #kny headcanons #fanfic #giyu x you #tanjiro x y/n #kamaboko squad #hashira x reader #hashira #headcanon #sanemi x reader #requests #commissions open #everyone x reader #muichiro tokito #shinobu kocho #uzui x reader #rengoku x y/n #gyomei x y/n #akaza x reader #douma x y/n #kokushibo #fluff #kny smut #angst #this could be anything

[goldensunset]

people who go through the main tags of big and tumultuous fandoms looking for new fresh good posts to reblog are essential to any circle. they’re like true hunter gatherers leaving the safety of settlement and braving the unknown wilderness to find food for the flock. they risk their lives every day and will come back with a few scratches at best and severe psychological damage at worst

#peach rambles #hall of fame i guess #i love hearing everyone share their stories in the comments. me personally? this is about kingdom hearts #usually the main culprit is disdain and dusty old misogynistic takes for kairi (the main girl) #there's x reader occasionally #cursed content with random disney characters #or people who complain about how much the series has expanded #that don't understand that over half the story is contained in the so-called 'side games' #or just generally dusty takes that have been disproven already

[daisynik7]

Nanami gets a kick out of how innocent and pure you are in front of others. Around friends, family, coworkers, strangers, you’re still that shy, timid girl he fell in love with all those years ago. Always smiling with kindness twinkling in your eyes. Perfectly sweet to just about everyone you meet. You’re beloved by everyone in your life and in his. A true angel in disguise gracing this mundane world of his. 

When it’s just the two of you, though, you turn into a completely different person: a fiend hellbent on making him lose his goddamn mind.

Tonight, you're locked in your bedroom, fucking each other silly. Well, it’s more like you're fucking him. You straddle his lap, riding his cock, already so sensitive from his first orgasm. His creampie leaks out from your pussy, making a mess between you, but you don’t care. He’s twitching from overstimulation, moaning your name as you bounce faster on his dick, pumping another load out of him. He’s spent beyond belief, but he knows better than to deny you of your fill. No matter how much he whines about how sensitive he is, he wants this. He needs this. 

Limbs wobbly from exhaustion, he kneels behind you, watching with half-lidded eyes as you position yourself on your hands and knees, teasing his wet cock between your ass cheeks. He stares at your pussy, drooling with his cum, already eager to be back inside you. He lets you do all the work, be in control, use him as your own personal sex toy until you’re satisfied. And that doesn’t happen until you throw your ass back and forth on his dick, filling yourself up with his third creampie of the night, the sheets beneath you ruined with sweat, spit, and slick. 

To Nanami, there’s nothing better than being fucked stupid by you, his gorgeous, perfect wife. 

#I told myself I wouldn't do another one #but I did #sorry everyone #locking myself back up in my enclosure #nanami smut #kento nanami smut #nanami kento smut #nanami x you #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #nanami drabbles #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you

[sttoru]

𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐎𝐋𝐃-𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐘 !

⟣ sypnosis. you were curious if your boyfriend would pass a ‘loyalty test’ that you’ve seen on social media and you decide to see for yourself, only to discover something much more . . . heartwarming.

⟣ tags. gojo satoru x female reader. mostly tooth rotting fluff. talks about cheating / a sprinkle of trust issues from reader. the rest is satoru just being lovesick.

⟣ note. uhhhh… idk just a random idea i got at three am on a saturday night after being woken up from a nightmare >_< enjoy .

you don’t think satoru would actually ever cheat on you. your curiosity just got the best of you when you saw that one girl do a ‘loyalty test’ on her boyfriend. it was quite simple—testing if your partner would hand you their phone without being suspiciously defensive.

therefore you walked into satoru’s room and spotted him laying on his side, his back facing the door. he didn’t have any earphones in so you could hear the sounds of a movie playing on the phone he held in his hands.

he seemed so peaceful and content that you were already feeling bad for disturbing him with your silly test. you moved to sit on the edge of the bed and cleared your throat, making your presence known as if the sorcerer hadn’t sensed it moments ago.

“are you cheating on me?”

blunt and straight to the point.

satoru pauses the show on his phone and looks at you like you had said the most outrageous thing there is (to him, you really did). he drops the device on the bed and turns his body to face yours; “well—hello to you too, baby.”

he runs a hand through his hair before sitting up against the headboard with a raised brow, one hand cautiously reaching out for you. satoru was thinking about all the things he has said or done previously that could’ve possibly make you think he was screwing around behind your back. his mind worked fast, though he couldn’t come up with any logical explanation.

“answer my question please, ‘toru.” you mumble, feeling slightly guilty for doing this to your lover. you could see the confusion plastered on his face.

“no, i am not.” satoru shakes his head whilst holding your hand in his, thumb brushing against the back of it, “what makes you think that?”

you weren’t about to say ‘oh nevermind then! just a dumb thing that i saw on tiktok’—no, there was still one thing left to do. even if you’re so super sure that your boyfriend was hiding nothing from you. maybe there was an one in a million chance that your intuition was wrong. or maybe it’s just your underlying trust issues speaking.

“uhh, just wanted.. to check.. i guess?” you clear your throat and take a deep inhale before putting your hand out to satoru, palm up.

the white-haired sorcerer looks from your hand to you, and back. he doesn’t know what that indicated, so he takes a simple guess; satoru places his chin on your palm, giving you an amused kind of grin. you raise an eyebrow as he rests his head on your hand—which wasn’t what you wanted to gain from your gesture.

but you couldn’t blame him. it was cute that that was the first thing he thought of doing.

“you’re always welcome to check. got nothin’ to hide anyway.” he shrugs, not offended by your accusation in the slightest. you see the way his blue eyes look up at you—in a way that shows his pure, unadulterated adoration for you.

you nod and scratch satoru under his chin, to which he smiles and closes his eyes, enjoying the tingling touch, “then can i .. look through your phone?”

without an ounce of hesitation, he had placed his phone unlocked in your hand. satoru doesn’t care much about privacy anyway—you’re his girlfriend, you’re the only one allowed to know every single thing about him, “of course, baby.”

your eyes land on the screen and your jaw drops as you see his home screen; a picture of you up close, sleeping with your cheek squished against his arm, own hands resting near your head and . . . is that drool trickling down your chin?

“oops, sorry, you were too cute not to take a picture of.” satoru chuckles as he sees your reaction. he lays back on his side, elbow propped on the pillow with his head resting against his hand—watching you go through his phone with a relaxed look.

you roll your eyes playfully before starting your search. your finger swiped across the screen and landed on the messenger app satoru uses. you click on it and scroll through his chats, but don’t find anything out of the ordinary. he recently talked to you, his first year students, nanami and shoko.

you curiously tap on his chat with shoko and don’t read anything interesting at first glance. you scroll up and take note of how satoru was the one who kept most of the conversation going. shoko’s replies were much shorter and curt—straight to the point.

but then your eyes land on a conversation from two weeks ago. satoru had showed shoko a bunch of selfies you had sent him that same day. he was telling her how ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’ you were, practically bragging about you being his girl.

you scroll up some more and see that he’s done the same many times before; sending shoko pictures of you and kind of rambling to her about how beautiful you are.

shoko—being the good friend she is—indulged into his little lovesick ramblings and agreed with every thing satoru said—even complimenting your looks herself. you begun to get embarrassed at this unexpected revelation.

when going through more of his chats with other people, you realise how much satoru loves to talk about you. you couldn’t possibly count the many times satoru had refused invitations from his students or other friends simply because he wanted to hang out with you instead.

you discovered that he even skipped two or three important meetings at the school to go spend the day with you—nanami scolding him via text each time he did so.

“damn..” you murmur and glance up at your lover after closing his messaging app. satoru was staring right back at you with the biggest grin you’ve ever seen on him.

he wasn’t embarrassed about you reading some of those cheesy and sappy texts at all. in fact, he was happy. he wants you to know how much he loves you (as if he doesn’t show you exactly that every day of the week).

“go on, sweets.” satoru nods towards his phone, encouraging you to continue your inspection. your eyes dart back towards the screen and you shyly swipe and scroll some more, eventually ending up in his gallery.

the first things you noticed: two albums dedicated to you. all were filled with hundreds of pictures of you (and him). one was named ‘my love,’ the other ‘me&my love’ — both with a heart at the end. scrolling through them, you noticed many images you hadn’t even realised were ever taken.

many of those pictures were also favourited in his gallery.

you nibble on your bottom lip and leave the gallery app even more flustered than before. you aimlessly click around some more on his phone. what really surprised you most was that you were named in his reminder app.

there were tons—all added in one long list. some were so pure that you couldn’t contain the slight tears in your eyes;

‘bring gf gifts’, ‘remind gf that she’s amazing’, ‘bring gf lunch’, ‘send gf daily selfie’, ‘daily cuddles w gf (if she wants)’, ‘give gf big smooch (important!)’, ‘check up on gf when away on business’, — satoru doesn’t actually need to have those reminders on his phone. his mind is so full of you that he’ll automatically remember to do everything, almost on autopilot. he just has those there for… well, just in case he somehow ends up forgetting.

you lock his phone after seeing enough and give it back to your lover. you wordlessly crawl over to him on the bed and snuggle up to his body, head resting on his chest.

“sorry.” you quietly apologise. you knew he wasn’t hiding anything, but the fact that you still went ahead and tried out that ‘loyalty test’ on someone as loyal and loving as satoru makes your heart ache a bit. especially after discovering just how smitten he’s with you.

“dunno why you’re apologising—but please don’t.” satoru whispers and rubs your back in a soothing manner, kissing the top of your head and smiling against your scalp afterwards, “it’s fiiine.”

he’s entertained by the reactions to your discoveries, even if those are but mere indications to the actual unending and undying love he holds for you in his heart.

you lift your head up and look at satoru. your bottom lip stuck out, corners of your mouth twitching slightly whilst your eyes started to get a bit glassy. you really felt bad—yet you also felt appreciated on the other hand. if you didn’t go through with your curious idea, you wouldn’t have gotten to know about any of this.

“aww, my sweet, sweet girl.” satoru coos and places two kisses right below each eye, tapping your nose with a grin. he adores the way you look and if it wasn’t for his self control, he’d have nibbled on those cheeks of yours out of playful aggression.

it’s then that satoru remembers one of his daily tasks; one he hadn’t properly done today.

you were caught off guard once more as satoru’s lips crashed down onto yours—no warning given whatsoever. his big hands held onto your cheeks, thumb rubbing the skin there whilst his glossy lips moved against yours in a gentle yet much sloppy way.

“there,” the white-haired man hums in content as he pulls away, giggling once he sees a bit of his saliva coat your mouth. he wipes it away with his thumb, “your smooch of the day.”

you couldn’t help but laugh at the exaggerated cringy way satoru said the latter—your boyfriend laughing right alongside you afterwards.

satoru wasn’t done with you, however. he had many other daily tasks that were yet to be fulfilled.

#sttoru writes. #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #gojo x you #satoru x reader #jjk fic #everyone boooo this bcs i hate the way it turned out ☝🏽☝🏽

[nariism]

neuvillette is aware that he shouldn’t have let you get so close. but he did, and now he’s lamenting the fact that your hands are grasping at his soft horns — his fucking horns, of all places — and he might like it.

uptight and strait-laced, you’ve never known the chief justice to be someone so easily flustered. yet here he is with heat crawling up his neck, so warm that you can feel it against your palms as they ghost over his skin.

you can’t help but laugh at his current situation.

he was vehemently against you coming anywhere near his hair at first, grumbling about how his horns were on the sensitive side and he would rather not have to go into work feeling uncomfortably aware of their presence on his head.

however, you were hard to deny with that little smile on your face and such soft hands grabbing at his arms, tugging him closer. a sweet voice chanting, "please, honey? pretty please?"

neuvillette has never been good at denying you what you want.

it’s how he ends up sitting at your shared vanity. you comb through his long hair, watching him with amusement in the mirror as he huffs and jolts with every brush of your fingers against his horns.

the fact that he was letting you get anywhere near them was surely a testament to his trust in you. he was completely vulnerable here, at your mercy.

“sorry,” you mumble disingenuously, clearly enjoying seeing your usually serious husband falling apart with a simple action. you quickly tie off the end of his hair with a bow and he sighs in relief, thinking that the torment is over.

it's far from over.

he draws a sharp breath when you lean forward and press two gentle kisses on him; one on either side of his head just beside his horns.

neuvillette glowers at you in the reflection, disapproval written all over his face. "stop that," he scolds.

you do, but only because you're worried he might melt into a puddle before your very eyes if you continue.

it becomes a daily routine after that, with him sitting patiently in front of the mirror while you brush and tie off his hair. and you always end it the same way: two kisses, a soft "have a good day at work," murmured against him, and a mischievous little smile that makes him sigh.

he responds everyday with the same two words. "stop that," with a narrow-eyed glare.

the day you do stop, he's confused and irritated.

not only because you have the audacity to throw a wrench into routine again, which you know he hates, but also because he can't figure out why he misses your lips so much.

"what are you doing? i am going to be late."

"hm?" you peer up lazily from your spot on the bed, still half asleep.

"you have to do my hair."

"i thought you didn't want me to, so i slept in today."

your husband is eerily silent for a moment as he mulls over your words. then, he carefully perches himself on the edge of the bed, back turned to you expectantly and still wordless.

no, he would never admit he likes it just a little bit — the vulnerability, the trust, the feeling of your hands threading through his hair, the intimacy of it. hell no.

but neuvillette doesn't have to say a lot of things for you to understand; not when the way his skin heats up says it all; not when you're the first person to touch his horns in centuries; not when he’s saying stop that with such an affectionate glimmer in his eyes.

you give him four kisses that morning, two on either side.

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

#— whispers in the wind ✧ #not proofread i'm sorry #neuvillette my beloved my BELOVED my husband my lover my meow meow #he makes me insane #also idk if i would call those things on his head horns but that's what everyone else calls them #neuvillette #neuvillette genshin #neuvillette fluff #neuvillette x y/n #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fic #genshin impact fluff

[aerkame]

Hi, I hope you're having a wonderful day!!!! How would Wally and the others in your Alive AU react if Reader had a coworker or friend that was romantically interested in them? Would they just get really clingy or even aggressive, especially considering they're confined inside the house?

I am! I went skating for a long while outside and got a Starscream model kit to put together later. :) (Short fic takes place in the Alive AU)

Jealous! Everyone x reader

__________________________________________________________

It started with flowers. One day out of the blue you had came home with a huge bouquet of beautiful roses. Julie was the first to ask where you got them, they were just so pretty! You told them it was from a coworker at the public library, he was really polite and gave you these roses as a gift...you were blind to say the least, not seeing it as a romantic gesture. But the romantic gift did not go unnoticed by your colorful guests.

Poppy told you she was already preparing dinner for tonight which was a relief honestly, you felt exhausted. Two pairs of arms pulled you close for a hug, recognizing them as Julie and Sally, the two hyper sunshines of your life. "Hey there host, we reeeeaaallly wanna show you something!" Julie was practically jumping with joy while Sally let go to grab something, coming back with a stereo to play music on. The two put on a dance that almost resulted in a vase being broken, but Barnaby's soft paws were there to catch it just in time.

"How about we all dance together?" Barnaby gave you a warm smile, he always knew how to warm your heart. Holding out his paw you took hold of it, joining in the dance with the three goofballs.

During dinner, Poppy came up to you with a delicious looking small cake and placed it right in front of you. "I made you some dessert deary, eat up!" You looked down confused "But what about the others?" However, when you looked back at the table everyone had already gone to do their own activities (or so you assumed) and Poppy just sat there smiling. Soon after that awkward dinner Eddie cornered you in the hallway one arm leaning on the wall and the other holding a neatly folded letter with red hearts all over it. "Here you are sweets, Frank and I wrote this just for you." You firmly grasped the paper and unfolded it. It was a beautifully written poem about you. "Wow, thank you Eddie I don't know what to say, this is very well written! I love it." Eddie gave you a small kiss on the head like he always did and the tip of a hat before walking downstairs whistling a small tune.

Later that night Howdy came by the bathroom as soon as you got out of the shower to gift you with the shiniest apple you've ever laid eyes on. You questioned where he got it from but Howdy only responded with "It's a secret! Just know that it's 100% off for you!" You couldn't say no to that goofy grin of his, plus he was just so happy to give it to you! You took it from him with a warm smile on your face... Also because his giant body was blocking you from leaving.

Once you finally managed to get by the giant caterpillar with your new gift you went to your room to settle down and sleep, rolling around a bit in the sheets until you got comfortable enough and closed your tired eyes.

Not even a minute after closing your eyes you felt the bed dip beside yourself and a long arm snaked over your torso. Only one person you know does that. "Wally, what are you doing?"

"I'm just cuddling my dearest host to sleep is all.~" You peeked open an eye after hearing that. He always did this when he wanted something out of it. "What do you want?"

"Nothing at all! You're the most I could ever ask for...buuut since you brought it up, you might as well do me a teeny tiny favor." You rolled in bed, turning yourself towards his chest, you were too cozy to care about the intimacy. "Hmh?" You hummed in acknowledgment.

"Stop talking to Derrek."

You sat up immediately. Not once did you tell anyone who it was that you've been talking to. "How did you-" a finger shushed you. "I know about him, and I want you to stay away. Can you do that for me darling?" He smiled coyly, but really it felt like he was threatening you. "No...Wally I can't just ghost someone like that. Besides we're just friends." The arm around you tightened as you squirmed to get out of your own bed. "Oh I know, but I would really love it if you two would quit talking. I don't think he's right for you."

Your eyes narrowed at him, for once the cocky bastard didn't look so cocky. "Wally...are you jealous? Is that what all of this is about? The gifts, the dancing, the constant cuddle sessions from you and everyone else here?" You watched his body go rigid and his face scrunch up into what was almost a frown. Wow, he's actually kind of frowning for once. That was rare.

"Wally, we're not a thing. Derrek and I are just friends and I don't intend to ever date him. I'm glad you and the others really care about me this much but you really shouldn't worry about my safety." You spoke more softly, finally understanding where he was coming from. The iron grip on your waist didn't falter though and you felt yourself suddenly being forced into a bear hug.

Julie swatted Barnaby's long tie out of her face so she could lean in closer to the door to listen. Everyone else did their best not to make any noise as they listened in.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better I'll just tell him we're nothing more than friends and to keep it at that, but I can't just cut people out of my life like that...alright?"

An audible groan left everyone's mouth hearing that, startling you and Wally both. Silly host, how can you be so blind to love?

Looks like the dear reader doesn't understand just how much everyone loves them yet! Personally I don't think any of them would be the type to hurt you or others EXCEPT for Wally. I think they would probably just try to shower you with their love to make you like them more...however, if you are straying too far from them they may need to find a way to make you a permanent resident at the house, just not at your house. They've got a nice place just for you back Home.

#Welcome home arg #welcome home #welcome home x reader #everyone x reader #wh #welcome home fanfiction #requests open #welcome home wally darling #welcome home sally #welcome home julie joyful #welcome home barnaby #welcome home wally darling x reader #welcome home barnaby x reader #welcome home frank x reader #welcome home eddie x reader #welcome home sally x reader #welcome home julie x reader #welcome home poppy x reader #welcome home howdy x reader #Alive au #au #welcome home au #welcome home alive au

[azlrse]

– basically idia's married life with mc

#goddamn still alive everyone #busy due to college but pretty much active here #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst idia #idia shroud #twst idia shroud x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia x mc #twst headcanons #disney twst #twst wonderland #idia x reader #idia shroud x yuu

[rafeandonlyrafe]

full inspection

words: 2.1k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, dom/sub dynamic, mentions of previous self harm! including scars, inspecting body, descriptions of body but i try to keep things vague ish when it comes to features, p in v sex, unprotected sex, anal fingering, illusions to future anal sex, rafe does inspect readers feet but not really in a foot fetishy way? it is a FULL inspection lol

“mouth first today, bunny.” rafe says, tapping your cheek.

you nod, opening up your mouth for his fingers to poke inside of.

the routine is familiar by now, every morning, you wake up to rafes inspections. his fingers glide over your cheeks, then your teeth.

“you did a good job brushing last night, bun.” rafe says, pulling his finger back to your lips, swiping over them as you open up, sticking your tongue out.

his finger glides down your tongue, pushing further and further until his fist is pressing against your teeth. you try your best to control your gag reflex, waiting for rafe to finish his inspection before coughing.

the second his finger pulls back, you take a deep breath.

“you did it, baby!” rafe praises you, tapping your nose. “you didn't gag!”

you smile up at rafe, swallowing to get the tickle out of your throat. “wanna be good for you.”

“i know, bun. since you're so good, why don't you choose what's next up for inspections?” rafe usually moves to your hands next, checking to make sure there's not any bitten nails or chipped polish.

“umm…” you glance down, small nightgown barely covering your body, nothing on underneath. “my uh…” you know what you want, just are too afraid to say it.

“out with it baby.”

“my chest.”

“aww.” rafe chuckles. “baby girl wants her titties inspected next? sounds good.”

rafe tugs your nightgown up, bunching up the silky fabric, eyes devouring your pushed together thighs, the peek of your slit between them, until your tits are revealed and his attention is pulled there instead.

“mmm, such cute little nipples.” rafe uses both his hands to inspect them, first rubbing around the outside of breasts before moving closer, fingers playing with your nipples to make sure they harden like they should.

“very good, baby.” rafe says, hands massaging your chest.

“thank you.” you look down your body, so clearly on display for rafe. 

“what about this cute tummy, huh?” he pats your stomach. its not part of his usual inspections, but rafe loves to give a kiss to your tummy, warm lips making contact with your skin, almost always making you giggle.

rafe moves lower, ignoring your core to scooch down the bed to your feet, picking up one and laying it in his lap. his hands run over your sole before looking at your toes, checking that your polish hasn’t chipped, otherwise he’d be getting on the phone to make a pedicure appointment for you before he even finishes inspections.

he lifts your other foot into his lap next, rubbing his thumbs over your foot, making you let out a low moan at the massage.

“so pretty for me baby.” rafe says, allowing himself to appreciate your flawless feet.

“just for you.” you giggle, wiggling your toes.

“thats right.” rafe smiles, hands moving up your legs to your calves, quickly inspecting them before moving to your thighs. you keep your legs closed until rafe nods to give you permission to open them, not wanting to get punished for baring your cunt too early.

“such a pretty pussy.” rafe coos, a singular finger swiping through your center. “but i think we need to inspect your hands first.”

“raaafe.” you whine out, cunt clenching around nothing at his teasing as he grabs your hands. he makes sure to very thoroughly inspect them now that your cunt is spread open for him, his eyes flicking between your manicured nails and your wetness.

“don’t be bratty. you know its important for me to look over every part of you.” rafe says, flipping your hands over so he can rub his thumbs over your palms before skirting down your wrists, frowning at the few scars in lines that interrupt your skin.

“won’t happen again.” you whisper to rafe. its true, your time of self harming and using it to cope is far over now that you have rafe. not only would he easily be able to tell if you started again with his daily inspections, but you don’t feel the need anymore.

“i know, baby.” rafe hums, raising your wrists to press kisses to them.

rafe moves up your arm, hands quickly checking them before his eyes turn back to your cunt.

rafe spreads your folds open with two fingers, smirking when he sees the way your clit pulses. he begins his usual work, rubbing around where you really want him, but you know he insists on inspecting every inch of you.

rafe plunges his finger into your entrance suddenly, making you gasp out, back arching off the bed at the intrusion, but rafe just chuckles.

he begins to thrust it in and out, rubbing the pad of his finger against your walls. “still nice and tight for me.” rafe hums. “good girl.”

“haven’t been touching myself without your permission.” you shake your head. it was the number one thing that used to cause you to fail inspections, touching yourself either while rafe was at work or while he slept next to you.

“i can tell.” rafe hums, slowing his finger making your eyes flutter closed, a moan escaping from your lips. he switches back and forth between fast, hard thrusts, and slowly deep ones, never letting you know what the next movement is going to be.

“clit next.” rafe suddenly pulls his finger out, making you squeal.

“shh.” he hums, taking the same wettened finger to rub over your clit. for how seriously he takes inspections, he moves on quickly from your clit, barely swiping over it before moving on.

“rafe.” you whine, hoping your pout and fluttering eyes will entice him to continue further.

“shush. flip over.” rafe sits back while you flip onto your stomach, nightgown still bunched around your chest.

rafe smiles at the way you plump ass is presented to him. he rubs his hands quickly over your back, then skips your bum to go to your legs.

“are we doing a full inspection today?” you mutter, turning your head to look down your body at rafe. it's not every day he has the time to do his favorite part of inspections.

“oh yes.” he smirks, tapping your thigh. you know instantly what to do, raising onto your hands and knees and spreading your legs apart. 

“cute little hole.” rafe smirks, your bum presented to him. he rubs his hands over your cheeks first, squeezing your skin and even shaking it a little to see the way your flesh ripples.

rafe keeps one hand holding you open while the other one comes to your second hole, circling around it. you take a deep breath and plead your body to relax as you wait for the intrusion, letting out a quiet mewl when rafe pushes his fingertip into your hole, slowly to let you adjust as he buries it. rafe hums in approval from the way you clench so tightly around his digit.

“a+, baby.” rafe pulls his finger out. you've never gotten a completely perfect inspection, always having at least one minor issue that needed correction.

“flip over.” he commands. you move quickly onto your back, keeping your knees pulled apart as you blink up at rafe. “what's next?” you question, hoping there is some sort of reward for being so good for rafe lately.

“you get your cunnie inspected again, but this time i use my cock.”

“really?” you squeal. usually rafe is strict about when he will fuck you. he doesn't like to give you anything too often, says it's to not spoil you rotten. he's lucky you don't mind just pleasuring him, whether with your hands or mouth.

“it's what good girls get.” rafe nods. he pulls his tshirt off over his head, his muscles on full display while you wait excitedly.

“gonna keep being good for you.” you promise rafe. 

“yeah, you will know that you know you'll get this dick.” rafe chuckles, pushing his pants down his hips, your eyes widening when his cock springs free, already hard.

“go ahead.” rafe encourages you, moving to kneel between your legs. you can't help your grin as you sit up to wrap your hands around his cock.

“look at how tiny your hands are on my big cock.” rafe smirks as you gently stroke him. you love to feel him, love to hold him in your grip.

“can i give it a kiss?” you question, not looking up at rafe, eyes too focused between his thighs. rafe laughs, patting the back of your head, pushing you down slightly as an answer to your question.

you duck your head, kissing right at the tip of rafes cock before slowly smooching along his shaft before kissing back up the other side. 

“now lay back.” rafe hums. you are sad to let go of his cock but excited for what is coming next as you lay down, but not before tugging your nightgown the rest of the way off. you toss it on the floor to be dealt with later.

rafes hands press at your inner thighs, making them stretch even further as he lines his cock up, glad that your wetness has grown and he can push inside, not too easily with how tight you are around him, but enough for rafe to enter you in one steady stroke.

a moan works its way through your body, your thighs shaking under his hands, but he doesn’t let up as rafes hips begin to swing back and forth, feeling every inch of your walls with his cock.

“thats it, baby.” rafe moans when you clench around him. “so tight for me.” your hands fist in the bedsheets, wishing rafe was draped over you so you could kiss him and hold onto his shoulders, but you know rafe likes kneeling between your spread legs so he can look down on you. it also allows him to thrust faster as he slowly builds up speed.

“love your cock so much.” you whine out, back arching, nipples pebbling in the cool morning air.

“aww, you’re so sweet.” rafe smirks, letting out a chuckle when you pout, his voice condescending, mocking you for how much you’re enjoying it, despite rafes movements speeding up to pound into you.

“oh! oh f-fffffff.” you cut yourself off, remembering that rafe doesn’t like you swearing.

“touch yourself.” rafe grunts out. he’s not sure how much longer he can last, not when he was already turned on from inspecting you and having you kiss and worship his cock.

“thank you!” you manage to squeal out before your hand reaches between your thighs, using your fingertips to rub over your clit, hoping rafe is ready soon because you’re not sure how much longer you can hold back.

“you know what the final part of a full inspection is?” rafe questions. you try to think of what it could be, but your mind doesn’t work anymore, so filled with pleasure and thoughts of rafe that nothing else can get through.

“its seeing how good you take my cum.” rafe moans, moving quicker when you feel his cock swell inside of you, signaling how close he is. you rub faster at your clit as he delivers a few final punishing strokes before cumming with a groan, your own fingers rubbing you to orgasm seconds later as you whine out a series of rafes name over and over, your cunt pulsing around his cock, milking him.

“oh, thats a good girl.” rafe pats your lower stomach. “tummy all swelled up with my cum.”

you look down your body, and rafe is right, theres the slightest bulge from rafes cock being lodged deep inside of you and then stuffing you with cum.

“keep my cum inside of you for a minute and you’ll get an extra special reward.” rafe says as he pulls out, knowing you’re going to have to clench your hole for the entire minute with how much he flooded inside of you.

“okay.” you mumble, eyes closing as you concentrate as his cock pulls away, glad you practice kegels as you try to keep all his cum in. you know rafe is staring at your hole, waiting to see if anything leaks from your cunt. time passes quickly, thankfully, and rafe is tapping your thigh before you know it. “you did it, baby girl. that was an entire minute.”

“really?” you smile, proud of yourself as you relax, knowing his cum is going to leak on the bedsheets. “whats the special prize?”

“well, i inspected your pussy with my cock, and now its time for you ass.” rafe grins while your eyes widen.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @mysticallystilinski @https-luvvia @aerangi @folklorsweet @soilderpoetandking @auryyz

#THANKS EVERYONE FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY INCONSISTENT SCHEDULE #unfortunately that is just life :( #some days i will post 5+ times a day #other times we will have several days between posts #rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #obx smut #outer banks smut #rafe imagine #rafe one shot #rafe drabble #rafe blurb #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron drabble #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe x oc #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron fic #rafe fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe fanfic #rafe fanfiction

[pomefioredove]

now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs

summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up

crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake

he acts so... casual about it?

swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"

"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"

okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you

"To what?"

Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."

(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)

Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices

"So you'll let me go once you get me?"

"Uhhh..."

Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him

Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him

(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)

Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess

even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast

you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!

of all the irresponsible things...

of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too

purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble

he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours

of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too

going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?

I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?

actually don't answer that

...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie

but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?

for one, you'd make a really good pillow

he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that

and malleus would hate it

...that's reason enough for him

plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?

either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie

news travels fast around school, after all

then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed

that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!

besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!

so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price

he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

now, Azul is annoyed

once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about

talk about good marketing...

why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a café brand deal tie-in!

of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary

it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one

Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the café a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof

though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion

a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around

and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says

"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"

hint: he is not

the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it

(AKA infinite sleepovers)

and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!

he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in

right next to his of course :)

and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you

after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him

You don't always get what you want

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable

he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner

with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...

when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs

oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?

of all the silly, immature things...

oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding

(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)

Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile

but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately

with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"

Idia understandably freaks out

"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"

(liar)

(...but this is still different)

the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus

"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."

Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"

"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"

"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"

Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege

Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made

he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident

though, of course, he goes to you first

seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week

and he's in a great mood!

"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"

you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"

"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"

you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"

"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"

certainly he's not this naive, you think

"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"

he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"

huh. that was a strange way of putting it

but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it

and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!

"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"

he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"

"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"

#twst x reader #shall I tag everyone even though this is pretty short... idk might as well #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #jack howl x reader #epel felmier x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #trey clover x reader #cater diamond x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #ruggie bucchi x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #floyd leech x reader #jade leech x reader #kalim al asim x reader #jamil viper x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt x reader #idia shroud x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #malleus draconia x reader #idk if I should tag silver and sebek they're barely in it 😔 #that's enough tags anyway

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Astarion Jealousy Part 2

The graphic extension to this but a lil less serious and definitely not sfw.

CW: Jealous spawn astarion who is still a sweetheart, but the drow twins get under his skin. graphic sex scenes, oral, relatively tame honestly. The sex part will be under the cut btw which is m/f. Also vampire man drinks blood. mentionable incorrect language for sex workers

~

It was odd, being home in Baldur’s Gate without the threat of Cazador always looming. Odd, but equally as wonderful. It had been so thoughtful, if not a little idiotic for Cazador to end up being your first stop in the city. The fight itself had been a blur, a barrage of intense emotions and bloody violence. Astarion had come so close to losing himself back there, losing everything that made him better than the man who almost ruined him. But then… you stopped him. You saw something more in him, a chance for a better life. A more meaningful life, away from the shackles of vampiric power obsessions. 

He was officially free. Now he could exist without any fear of his disgusting master’s retribution. He could just… be. Well… not including his darling’s own myriad of enemies that seemed to follow them about everywhere. And there was still the matter of defeating the elder brain, and lord knows if any of you made it through that alive. But at least his personal demons were slain and out of the picture.

Every little step counted after all. Perhaps some of your delusional hopefulness had finally started to rub off on him, but Astarion was actually starting to look forward to his future. Your future, together. All he had to do was get through a few more perilous adventures and then he’d really have you all to himself. 

All that said, Astarion could really go without the frequent visits to the local brothel. Was it the best place in the city for gathering information? Yes. It seemed that every walk of life in Baldur’s Gate found their way into Shar’s Caress and if you were going to find alternative passage to the underworld, this would be the best place to find it. But that didn’t mean he had to like it. For one there were the unwelcome advances to his own person, the concept of grace and personal space apparently left at the door. He was so very close to breaking the hand of the next person who thought it was appropriate to grab his ass. And if they could afford to get kicked out he would have by now. Your verbal, angry tirades in his defense could only scare off so many. 

But as terrible as his own discomfort was, it was nothing in the face of how often you were being fawned over. What was it about you that seemed to drive everyone mad? Yes you were objectively attractive, but this was frankly getting out of hand. First there was the green skinned druid doing something sensual to your mind, then there were the general stares and whispers as you walked by, and now a pair of gorgeous drow twins trying and failing to proposition you. 

It was getting tiresome. There were only so many times a man could take his lover being offered “free” services before he snapped. 

On one hand, he could respect the dedication they had to the craft. He could be considered something of a hired whore himself in his time, the old, “the first one’s free” was a tried and true trick. And he also knew, vaguely, that no one was actually trying to steal you from him. But on the other, he couldn’t help the fact that he wanted to claw their eyes out for looking at you so brazenly.

He hadn’t expected the eyes of the woman to wander over to him, like she was just noticing the possessive arm he had wrapped around your waist, “Is that your partner with you? How would you both feel about having a little fun?”

Absolutely fucking not. Maybe the old Astarion would have smiled and nodded, ready to do whatever was asked of him. But the man from that wretched era had died, or at the very least was dying. And he would be damned if he let you lay with another, never less participate in it. 

Astarion interrupted your overly-polite attempts stuttering of a refusal. He glared at them both, a sneer painted on his face, “We’ll be passing on that. You’d think the first no would have sufficed, but I suppose it’s not fair to expect everyone to have basic language comprehension. Now as illuminating as this conversation has been, we have places to be. Excuse us.”

Then he was pulling you away, happy to ignore the offended huffs of indignation he had left in his wake. 

“We’re supposed to be investigating, remember?” You said with a giggle, not even questioning him as he dragged you to the second floor, “Being rude is not the way we’ll find travel to the hells.”

“I highly doubt they would have been of use,” Astarion said as he pushed you into the first empty room he could find. He felt off, maybe even a little crazed as he turned to you, “Tell me darling, what is it about you that makes you so irresistible, hm?”

He crowded you against the closed door, ducking his head into the crook of your neck to breath you in. You smelled heavenly, you always did. He could trace the barest whiff of your blood from beneath your skin, always calling to him. You were the sweetest thing he ever tasted. Delicious even, for more reasons than one. 

“T-They just wanted my coin,” You gasped when he started to suck bruises into your skin, “That’s all.”

“I think they wanted a bit more than that,” Astarion bit out as he shoved his thigh between your legs, “What will it take for others to realize you’re mine.”

His hands were wandering, resting low to grip your hips. He was using them to move you, forcing you to grind against his thigh. You grasped at his shoulders, trying to bite back a moan as you stared at him with wide eyes, “You want to do it here? Does that door even lock?”

It looked like it didn’t, not that Astarion cared. Maybe walking in on him ravishing you would finally start getting the point across of who you belonged to. Astarion shrugged, "There are less appropriate venues than literal whore houses."

“But-”

“But I can tell you want it,” Astarion interrupted with a smirk, his hands barely working to move your body anymore. But that wasn’t stopping you from rubbing yourself all over him, “Just look at you darling. Desperate little thing. But if you really don’t want to…”

Astarion made a lazy attempt to step back, laughing out loud when your desperately pulled him back, your desire finally winning out over your common sense. But you were glaring at him, obviously annoyed that he was so good at riling you up. He had seen that look before, the one that just screamed that you were scheming something. 

He just hadn’t expected you to drop to your knees in front of him, huffing as you started to undo the fastenings to his pants, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit of a shit?”

“Maybe,” Astarion said with a strained laugh, his breath catching when you pulled his half-hard cock out, “But it seems to keep getting me the things I want.”

You rolled your eyes before licking a wide strip up his cock, like you weren’t directly proving his point. You looked amazing own there, you’re half-hearted glare morphing into a blissful haze. 

Gods, how were you real? Astarion wasn’t quite sure why you were such a fan of getting him down your throat, but he knew that he was a lucky bastard for it. 

“Sweet girl,” Astarion sighed, letting a hand drift down to tangle in your hair, “Sweet girl with a perfect mouth. And you’re all mine, aren’t you?”

You made a small, affirmative noise around his cock, taking him in deeper as you clutched at his thighs. You were so good at this, so well-trained after months of being together. He loved the soft, wet sounds that would escape your lips as you swallowed him down, the pretty way your eyes would water as you encouraged him to fuck your throat, how you would squirm in place on your knees, no doubt ruining your panties with how wet you were getting. 

And no one else would ever know. No one would get to see you like this again, feel you like this. Needy, desperate, and his. Oddly enough, that thought was what sent him over the edge. He came down your throat, groaning as you eagerly swallowed around him. 

You pulled off of him slowly, panting while you smiled up at him. There was the smallest string of spit mixed with his come, connecting from the head of his cock to your lips. You licked it up, still clinging to his thighs as you hazily stared up at him. Sweet enough to make his heart skip a beat, and his dick give a valiant twitch.

He pulled you to your feet, not wasting any time in smashing your lips together. He spun you around, pushing you towards what he prayed was a clean bed. 

He pushed you back onto the sheets, making quick work of tearing your pants down your legs as he grinned down at you, “Your turn.”

He kneeled in front of you; spreading his hands over your splayed thighs to peel off your underwear. The core of you was already glistening, slick enough to make Astarion’s mouth water. He licked his lips as he spread your legs further apart, shameless as he feasted on you with his eyes. 

You were shaking in his hold, biting your bottom lip when you whined, “Stop staring already…”

“But you’re so pretty here my sweet,” Astarion cooed, tracing a single finger over the seam of your cunt, “And you’re dripping. Poor thing, have I kept you waiting too long?”

You nodded excitedly above him, your hips bucking when he let his fingers dip in further between your pussy lips. He lightly traced your clit, softly laughing at the way the simple touch made you whine.

It was his own fault that you were so needy, a fact that brought a smirk to his lips. You always got so wet after you had him down your throat, soaked and gorgeous. 

Astarion dove right in, loudly moaning as he licked into your folds. He dragged his lips upward to suckle on your clit, basking in all the cries and whimpers escaping you.

He licked back down, teasing your hole with his tongue as your legs quivered around his head. He let the sharpness of his fangs scrape against you as he started to fuck you with his tongue, threatening your most intimate places.

He knew you liked that; little minx that you were. The slight risk of pain that was always looming. It made him want to sink his fangs in you for real, a hunger that he'd sate after he had you gushing into his mouth.

You were already close, he could tell from the way your cunt was tightening around his tongue; too worked up from the thrill of being in public and the taste of him still lingering on your tongue. Astarion trailed talented fingers up to rub against your clit, his tongue still curling inside of you as you cried out. Finally falling over the edge. But that wasn't stopping him from continuing to play with you.

You had to tug on Astarion’s hair for him to finally pull away, too over sensitive to handle his talented tongue. You were still trembling by the time he leaned back, licking his lips. He rested his head on your thigh, obviously pleased with himself as he grinned up at you. He could feel your heart racing against his cheek, the sound of your blood pumping singing through your veins. It had his mouth watering for a completely different reason. 

He let his fangs drag against the delicate skin of your inner thigh, looking up at you through his lashes, "Can I?"

A superfluous question. Not when he already knew the answer before it escaped your lips.

“Y-yeah," You mumbled, lovingly gazing down at him. He would never tire of seeing that look on your face, "But be gentle? Please?” 

"Of course my love," Astarion murmured, before promptly sinking his fangs into your flesh. He had to hold you down from the way you were still trembling, your quivering only getting worse at the pleasure mixed with pain. He didn’t let himself go rabid, just enough to get a taste. He was pulling back too soon, smiling to himself at the little whine you let out. He gently licked over the wound before standing, not yet swallowing the last drops on his tongue.

Instead he leaned forward to kiss you, more than happy to share the sweet taste of your blood as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

“Thank you my dear,” Astarion sighed as he pulled away, “That was exactly what I needed. Now I think that’s enough investigating for one day.” 

You sighed, taking the time to card your fingers through his hair, “Agreed. Though you might have to carry me out of here now.”

Wasn’t that a wonderful idea?

Astarion hummed as he pulled your clothing back on, “I think I like the sound of that," He didn't give you time to respond, too busy sweeping you up in his arms with a grin, "I'll be taking you up on that."

You squeaked when he hefted you up, bridal style, “I wasn’t being serious!”

But it was too late, Astarion was already kicking the door open. He shrugged at you, completely shameless as he winked at a few onlookers, "Then you shouldn't have suggested it."

You groaned, hiding your face in his shirt as he happily took you outside, “I’m going to get you back for this. I hope you know that.”

Astarion laughed as he kissed the top of your head, “I’m sure you will.”

It was a childish stunt, borderline on par with a jealous tantrum, but gods, did it feel good. Good enough to sate Astarion's obsessive tendencies for an impressive amount of time. Under normal circumstances. 

But what about your lives were normal?

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands #long fic #spoilers #and thats how later astarion found himself on stage with a killer clown #whoops #still fluffy i'd say #I got a soft (in comparison to cough alternatives) jealousy trilogy in mind so one more dirty part. Also #side note #in reality everyone in your party is attractive and probably gets flirted with an equal amount at the caress #but I love the idea of astarion being hyper focused on you.