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queenshelby · 5 months

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An Illicit Affair

Part One: My Boyfriend's Father

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

It was 15 months ago when you first met the man who, unbeknownst to you, would eventually become the center of your disastrous life and that man was not your current boyfriend Maximilian Murphy, a twenty-two-year-old Irishman from Dublin.

You had been going out with Max for about a year when you met the man who changed everything for you and, whilst Max was almost an entire year younger than you, you had both met at London's top medical school after he had transferred from Trinity College.

Max was energetic, confident and intelligent. He was popular with the girls and, although you were drawn to him because of his sense of humor and easygoing nature, it was quite obvious to you that he was much less serious about life in general than you were.

After a year of non-serious dating, Max eventually told you that he was taking you to Dublin for his father's 46th birthday and it was then when you first laid eyes on him. Cillian Murphy, your boyfriend's father.

The name "Cillian Murphy" didn't ring any bells for you at the time as you had never seen any of his films, but now, 15 months later, you knew everything that there was to know about him due to the publicity his movie Oppenheimer had received in recent weeks.

You went to see the movie too with some friends and whilst you had broken up with Max about a year earlier, you happened to recall the weekend you shared with him and his family in Dublin.

Both Cillian and his wife Danielle made you feel welcome when you arrived with their son Max late on a Friday afternoon at their large Victorian townhouse near the coast, just outside Dublin.

The house was decorated with tasteful modern furniture and a collection of modern art hung on the walls. The living room featured large windows overlooking the sea with heavy curtains blocking the view when needed.

You spent most of Saturday relaxing by the pool with Max, swimming and sunbathing before enjoying a dinner prepared by Danielle for her husband's birthday.

As you sat down at the table, Cillian seemed distracted, and it wasn't until the second glass of wine that he asked you more about yourself and your aspirations.

"So, what do you want to specialize in?" he asked and you looked down at your plate and replied softly, "I haven't decided yet. I think I might enjoy working in pediatrics."

"Working with children can be emotionally demanding," Cillian said, "but I am sure it's incredibly rewarding," he then went on to say before acknowledging that Max had told him that you were at the top of your class.

"It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you," he told you and your heart fluttered a bit as you heard his voice, deep and resonant, filled with warmth and confidence. It was a contrast to Max's playful teasing, something about which made you feel comfortable and safe.

Danielle, Cillian's wife, chimed in with a question for you, "What got you interested in medicine in the first place?" she asked. You paused for a moment, considering how best to explain such a complex answer.

"Well, my dad was a doctor, so healthcare was a part of our household growing up," you began thoughtfully. "But the real turning point came during high school when I visited a friend who was hospitalized with leukemia. Her doctors and nurses took such great care of her, and it really opened my eyes to the impact that medicine could have on people's lives."

Cillian nodded along, seemingly genuinely interested in your response.

"That's amazing," he murmured. "You are genuinely empathetic and that's a good trait to have, especially as a doctor," he went on to say with a smile and you couldn't help but blush slightly under his intense gaze. His piercing blue eyes seemed to look right through you, making you feel vulnerable in a way you hadn't felt before. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, you found yourself strangely drawn to him. There was something magnetic about him, something that made you want to spend more time with him despite the fact that he was twice your age.

The day after his birthday party, while you were lounging around the poolside, you couldn't help but notice Cillian looking at you intently from across the lawn. His eyes held a mysterious glint, a curiosity that seemed to grow stronger every minute.

As if sensing your presence, he approached you and started a friendly conversation. The topics ranged from movies to books, and even personal interests. It was a pleasant surprise finding out that both of you shared a love for Jazz before Max pointed out to you that Jazz music was for "old people", causing Cillian to laugh.

The sound of Cillian's laughter was soothing and comforting.

You felt butterflies in your stomach as adrenaline surged through your veins. You tried to compose yourself, focusing on the casual exchange of small talk, hoping to distract yourself from the strong attraction you felt towards your own boyfriend's father.

But no matter how hard you tried, those enchanting blue eyes kept drawing you back in. The subtle smell of his cologne lingered in the air, filling your senses with a mix of excitement and shame.

Luckily for you however, on Sunday morning, Max and you travelled back to London, leaving behind the memory of the lingering gaze that Cillian gave you as you boarded the plane while, in hindsight, you realized that Cillian's gaze did leave something behind - a seed planted between the lines of your otherwise innocent encounter.

In the months that followed, you found yourself thinking about Cillian more often than you expected and, unfortunately for Max, at the same time as fantasizing about his father, you became more and more annoyed by his immaturities.

And then, one evening, after another argument between you and Max over whether you should go clubbing or stay in and study, you finally snapped.

"This isn't working out anymore, Max," you told it him straight. "We need different things in life and we would be better off breaking up now rather than prolonging something that won't work long term," you told Max, sitting on the bed of his dorm room, causing his chin to drop.

"You don't mean it," he said, sounding shocked.

"Yes, I do," you said firmly as you looked away from him, knowing that he wouldn't understand why you couldn't go on like this.

"No, please, give me another chance. We can make this work," Max pleaded, moving closer to you, reaching out to touch your arm.

"No, Max, I've made up my mind," you said firmly, avoiding his pleading eyes.

You knew that it was only a matter of time before Max would come to terms with the truth, but you also knew that the process would be painful for both of you.

Max moved closer, grasping your hand gently. "Maybe we just need to communicate better," he suggested, his eyes full of hope. "I love you, you know. I am happy to try anything," he continued but you shook your head.

You pulled your hand away, fighting back tears. "I just... I can't anymore, Max," you whispered quietly. "We tried to make it work several times, but our expectations are quite different. I am taking university serious, but you are not. You have different interests and I think that you would be better of with someone else," you confessed, averting your gaze.

"But... but, what about the future? What about us?" Max stammered, desperation seeping into his tone. You remained silent, allowing the silence to hang heavily between you two. Finally, you took a deep breath.

"I don't want to lose you, Y/N," Max pleaded, his voice quivering. "We have been together for a year, surely we can find a way to make it work. I promise."

You shook your head sadly, unable to meet his desperate gaze.

"We are both still young and year is nothing if you are in your early twenties. I'm sorry, Max," you managed to whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat. "I think it's best if we end things here."

He let out a choked sob, his face crumpling. "Please," he implored, clutching onto your wrist. "Don't leave me like this."

But you couldn't stand it any longer, pulling your arm free. "I need space, Max," you said sharply, rising to your feet.

"I need to focus on myself and my studies right now," you told him while, deep down inside, you knew that something was missing, something was holding you back from fully committing to your relationship.

And it wasn't long before fate intervened as, just over year after your breakup with Max, you ran into Cillian again at a jazz concert in London...

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction

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kookslastbutton · 10 months

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Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m)┃ch. IV

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 4,174

Warnings: 8-year age gap, professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), jungkook snaps, lots of family drama, mommy issues, oc being accommodating, fighting, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues but trying to be good hubby, jk gives oc more hope!

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: this week's flashback hint–nothing like a little dilf rivalry! Also, this chapter gives more of a reason why jk is adverse to parenthood 😶 My closing notes offer some explanations. Let's go! 💞

<< ch. III ༓ ch. V >> | series masterlist

For the first 22 years of your life, you had zero partners.

Most people labeled you as being jaded, stuck up, or having too high of standards for it. But fuck it. Why couldn’t anyone accept that you weren’t about to settle down with the first interested guy just 'cause of peer pressure?

Of course, you'd likely end up with someone eventually. You have gone out on a couple of dates before. Yet they were never that promising. The men, or excuse you, boys roughly your age did nothing to woo you. They just wanted a late-night fuck at 1 a.m. or a nice, cute girl to take home to their mom.

Not that you gave a hell what others were into or anything, but you had other agendas. Getting married and birthing children before kick-starting your adult life was not in your playbook. Neither was jumping into bed with random guys every week.

So you haven't had much luck in the romance department. Good riddance to it!

What you were waiting for was a gentleman. Someone that was responsible, mature, and experienced. Bonus points if they were into the arts. But it was rare to find a suitor of such quality–who wasn't ridiculously off-limits that is. Obviously, some other strong-willed man or woman sunk their claws in before you got the chance. Drats.

4 years ago

“I can’t believe you,” your best friend giggles. “You’re going to that fancy new art exhibit downtown just to run into Dr. Kim! You’re so shameless __.”

You roll your eyes and stick your plate in the dishwasher. You’re best friend Na-Rae has been one of your closest friends since your second year of undergrad. Now into your third year of friendship, you consider her as close as a sister.

Unlike you, Na-Rae is utterly fascinated with all things STEM-related. She’s currently in med school aiming to become a surgeon, which is one of the many reasons why you and her are currently roommates.

“I’m telling you one more time, I’m not going for him. I actually want to see the paintings which should come as no surprise to you. Dr. Kim just happens to be going too.”

Na-Rae leans against the kitchen island, tongue in cheek. “If that’s what you wanna tell yourself, babe. But how, may I ask, did you know he’d be there? Are you stalking him online now?”

“Of course not. I’m not a creep Na-Rae.” You throw her a dirty look. Honestly, she really thinks you’re some obsessed fangirl. Like yes, Dr. Kim is really hot for an older guy, and the fact that he’s basically the second dean of the art department? He may or may not visit you in your dreams. Especially after studying for Dr. Jeon’s fifteen million econ exams.

Now there’s a guy who definitely knows how to stick it to you.

“Besides,” you continue. “Dr. Kim doesn’t have social media.” You don’t notice how contradictory that statement sounds until your best friend lets out a sinister cackle.

“Looked him up did you?” She hits your arm, wiggling her eyebrows tauntingly. “I knew it! I knew you were stalking him!”

“I–I am not! Stop that!” You ignore her looks, seeing it best to avoid eye contact altogether.

"Iovmererdhimalkingintheallway."

"C'mon, you know I can't understand that. You did what?"

"I over…heardhimalkingintheallway," you repeat, skirting most of the sentence again.

"For the love of might __! Why are you being so–"

"I overheard him talking in the hallway!" Once you blurt the words out you scurry out of the kitchen. "Gotta get my laundry, bye!"

"Uh-__!" Na-Rae races to catch up to you. "Explain to me how that's not being stalkerish!"

You grab your laundry basket and set it next to the dryer. "It wasn't intentional alright? I happened to be passing by at the right moment." You pop the door open, stuffing your clothes in the basket. Na-Rae casually watches you from the doorway.

"Right," she says. "Just happened to overhear Dr. Kim's whereabouts on a Friday night and just happen to be going to the same place. But definitely not planned because the dress you're currently trying to hide from me isn't meant for him to coincidentally see. Oops, my bad."

You release said dress from your hand aggressively. "Dr. Kim is at least a decade older than me and he's a high-level faculty member of the university. I'm not seriously trying to present myself to him in any romantic sense. That would be so inappropriate! And as far as the dress goes, it's the grand opening tonight. Everyone's wearing these kinds of things. So no, you're wrong."

"Very well, if the lady persists," Na-Rae shrugs, checking her phone. "Shoot, I gotta get to work in fifteen but I expect a full report later!" You watch as she hustles to her room.

The exhibit's doors open at 7 pm sharp. The line to the entrance runs about three blocks which is far longer than you were expecting. Most people came in groups or pairs, making you wish Na-Rae didn't have to work tonight.

But you're right about this being a formal affair. Everyone is dressed to kill. Some lean more towards black tie while others choose to show off their highly expressive, avant-garde nature.

You look down at yourself, suddenly feeling quite underdressed. You're wearing a simple black dress that's cinched at the waist. If one were to look close enough they'd see hints of gold throughout but no one would get that close.

The artwork itself is stunning. Varying from abstraction to impressionism, you get a sense of pleasure in taking in others’ inspiration. Many of these works are from locals in the area which is one of the main reasons for the number of interested guests. You wonder if anyone here knows the artists directly.

You make your way to the next set of pieces, studying the first in line. You immediately recognize the particular style as post-impressionism. It's clear the artist has great influence by Van Gogh evident from the similar large yet controlled strokes.

As you continue observing the work you feel a second body, looming close beside you. Naturally, you shift your eyes over to see the source. His hair brushes past his face as he leans closer to the painting.

After about three seconds you quickly dart your eyes away, careful not to stare. The man appears to be equally as focused on the work in front of him, as you were. It'd be a bit embarrassing if he noticed your gaze and snapped at you for it.

The man next to you slowly straightens his bent-over posture. He moves to the other side of you, viewing the next painting on your right. You barely catch the slight glance he gives you in the process, now able to see his full face.

It's not Dr. Kim–it's Dr. Jeon.

This isn't weird, you try convincing yourself. It's perfectly normal for you to see your professor in public. Besides, who knows if he actually recognized you yet. No need to make this awkward if you simply pretend not to notice him.

You think about whether to sneakily slip away or continue to feign ignorance until…

"Are we going to keep side-eyeing each other or can I say hi?" Dr. Jeon lightly smiles at you with playful eyes. His glasses are different today–thinner design. And oh, is that a...lip ring? Is that new or has he always had it? You don't remember seeing it before. "If you keep staring at my lips like that I might get shy."

"Ahha, Dr. Jeon!" You fight the stirring of your nerves. "Hi! Sorry, I didn't mean to stare or anything. I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Please, __. Outside of class, Jungkook is fine. Though I understand if that's a little out of place for you."

A little?! You've been calling Dr. Jeon, well, Dr. Jeon for the past two weeks. It's unlikely that will change. "If it's alright with you," you start, hands restless. "I'd like to stick with the usual."

Jungkook nods, giving you a brief once-over before replying. "Sure, no problem. I'm hoping you'll warm up to the idea though. Dr. Jeon makes me feel old." He lets out a throaty chuckle. "I'd ask what brings you to this art exhibit but I think I have the answer, given the amount of sketches I see you doing while I'm lecturing."

Oh god. Your professor calling you out for both gawking at his lips and doodling in class under the span of five minutes? You've never wanted to disappear more. The sketches you do aren't meant to look like a distraction and honestly, you didn't mean to gawk at the tiny ring, it was just there!

"Sorry," he continues. "That wasn't intended to be passive-aggressive. I really don't mind as long as they don't hinder your learning. Dr. Kim does the same thing whenever I'm talking to him too. I've summed it up to an itch all you artists have. I've come here in support of him actually." He gestures to the collection of paintings next to you; the post-impressionism ones you were intent on studying earlier.

"Oh wow," you gasp stupidly, following his gesture. You didn't even clue in to read the artist's name.

Stigma by Kim Taehyung.

"I had no idea Dr. Kim had some of his work displayed here. I feel so foolish. I was viewing his pieces for I don't know how long just a few minutes ago."

You were sure Dr. Kim was attending the exhibit for the same reasons as you. But while it was partially right, you obviously missed the biggest point.

"Don't fret," a deep, honey-coated voice comes from nowhere. "Any admirer of my work is a friend of mine." He strolls up to your left, Jungkook still on your right. "I don't believe we've met yet. Dr. Kim Taehyung." He tosses a hand out for you to shake.

Oh no, no no no. You hope to death you won't start sweating. You've never been this close to Kim Taehyung before and he wants you to hold his hand! "Pleasure to meet you Dr. Kim. I'm __," you say, struggling not to burst inside.

Okay, so it's not exactly holding hands but it's close enough. His fingers are so long and elegant. You can't wipe the grin off your face.

You're squeezing it now, stop stop stop. You mentally slap yourself and retract your hand as naturally as you can. Thank fuck no one can read your mind.

"I'm sorry your name is __?" Dr. Kim freezes as if suddenly needing to remember something. When you think he's recalled whatever it is he needs, he flicks his head over to Jungkook with a twinkle in his eye. "__," he repeats aloud.

"Uhm, yes..." You're definitely missing something. You look between the two men, apparently both intent on keeping you in omnious silence. What's so facinating about your name?

Taehyung whips his head back to face you, flashing a blinding grin. "You're the little artist in Jungkook's class aren't you?"

That's what this is about? He looks far too proud of himself for connecting those dots.

"Yeah I take ECON 602 with Dr. Jeon." You make the mistake of looking at Jungkook mid-sentence. For some odd reason, his previous mirthful expression has changed to one of bitter distaste.

"She isn't little," Jungkook intrudes, nearly snapping at the older man. "Little is what you call a child and it's inappropriate for you to call her that."

What the hell....? How is Dr. Kim calling you little bothering your professor more than you?

"My apologies," Taehyung says. "But she's your student, right? The one drawing during your lectures? I think she drew you once. Exquisite may I add. You captured his pissed-off look so well." He gives you a pleased look but you're too sheepish to form a reply.

"Yes, I wasn't having the best day. Can I talk to you a moment Dr. Kim? We'll be right back __, just a second." Jungkook grabs the older's arm, yanking him out of your earshot.

"What the hell are you doing, Taehyung?" Jungkook spits. "You're making my student uncomfortable."

"Aha, so she is the artist. Look I admit that using the term little was a misstep but I think she's alright. I apologized didn't I?"

"Yeah sure, but she's not alright." He makes air quotes. "Since you've also made it seem like anything she does in my class, I spill to you! Don't you see how uneasy that would make someone feel? Especially me being her professor. She could be thinking I tell you weird things too! See what you've done?!"

"But Jungkook," Taehyung drawls, face scrunching. He's not sure what's gotten Jungkook so worked up. "You do in fact regurgitate everything to me. You've been talking about her for the last week just to one-up me that she's an artist. Now I get to have a face to the name. I'm kinda tickled about it but also, what weird things are you referring to?" Taehyung pauses, eyes going as big as a saucer. "Oh my god, bro. Are you–"

Jungkook grunts firmly, shutting the man up at once. "Absolutely not Tae. Whatever you were about to say, it couldn't be a bigger no. All I'm asking is for you to keep the private things private. I don't want you blubbering everything to her."

"Very well," Taehyung hums, stealing a glance at you behind Jungkook's shoulder. From where he stood, he had an easy view of you moving down the line of paintings. You stop in front of each one, curiously examining them the best you can. "However, she's quite intriguing. I can't make any promises that I'll hold myself back."

"You better be talking about her mutual interest in art. She's my student and we have an obligation through the university not to fraternize with any–"

"Yes yes, your student. I don't need a reminder of where my boundaries are, but perhaps you do....bringing up fraternizing and all." Taehyung moves past Jungkook, striding back over to you. "Whatever else can there be besides professional or academic affairs? Of course, we're keeping our witts about us Kookie."

Behind him, Jungkook huffs and follows his lead. Then wipe that stupid smirk off your face, he thinks.

Present

Dinner is rough.

Jungkook's parents showing up unannounced and uninvited throws you both in a very quick, downward spiral. How can two people have so much time on their hands? Retirement, that's how.

You try your hardest to keep the conversation light throughout dinner, but it's obvious the air has grown thick between your husband and his mother.

"Why didn't you come to the reunion last year?" your mother-in-law presses for the second time tonight. She clutches the napkin in her hand, anxious for his response.

Jungkook sits across the table. His posture stiffens at the question. "I'm sorry, I had a lot to do. The reunion is always so close to when I have to go back to the university that I just didn't have the time."

A loud, impatient sigh comes from back across the table. "You didn't have the time or didn't make it? Honesty Jungkook, you expect me to believe that?"

When Jungkook doesn't answer, you and your father-in-law exchange troublesome looks. "Honey," Mr. Jeon speaks up, placing a hand on her shaky one. "You know how full the school year is for Jungkook. Don't blame him. Maybe he can come this year if we reschedule for a more convenient time." He pleads with his son, hopeful eyes.

"Stop helping him." She looks at Mr. Jeon and then back to Jungkook. "I don't think I'm asking for a lot. I just want you there, you and __."

At that, you find yourself gripping your husband's arm from under the table. Jungkook shifts in his seat and stares dead straight into his mother's eyes. "Funny you say that," he seethes. You tug on his arm in desperation to calm him. "Seeing that you keep dropping by at random times throughout the year, I'd say you expect a great deal from us."

Mrs. Jeon immediately snatches her hand from your father-in-law's. "Maybe I wouldn't have to if you'd come to the reunion. Or called, texted, or even emailed at this point. If it weren't for my efforts, I wouldn't hear from you at all."

"Please," Mr. Jeon pleads again, this time to both parties. "We're having dinner. Let's continue this later." He reaches for the bowl in the middle of the table but he's quickly ignored.

"You're right." Jungkook cuts. "Maybe I should come. Because it's one more way you can get what you want, isn't it? All those years of hard work so you can show me off to everyone."

"Don't you talk to me like that," Mrs. Jeon grits. "If I wanted to show you off it'll be when you give me a grandchild! I'm lucky to even have a daughter-in-law by now."

Chair legs scrape against the hardwood floor and your arm snakes out from Jungkook's arm. Your husband stands at the table, Mr. Jeon follows suit. "Okay, okay, let's just–"

"Dad," Jungkook interrupts. "Can you please take Mom home for the night?"

"Are you okay?" you pop the question once your in-laws leave for the night, a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. Mrs. Jeon looked completely bewildered, whereas Mr. Jeon looked deeply troubled; conflicted between wife and son. You have a feeling he has a better understanding of what happened than you do right now.

"I wish she hadn't come today," Jungkook plops on the bed. You sit beside him. "I'm sorry about what she said about you....I knew she was here for something."

You won't lie. When Mrs. Jeon mentioned being lucky to finally have a daughter-in-law, it stung. You detest being seen as an achievement. "I'm sure she didn't mean it like that since she said it out of impulse. It was a tense moment," you say. "As far as what she was getting at though, it was for you to go to the reunion."

"No." He shakes his head and then glances at you. "It's not about the reunion. She only wants me to go so she can show everyone how smart and successful her son has become–all her doing of course. It's been like that since high school. And she wants you to go for a similar reason."

"I knew your mom had a bit of a thing for status but I thought that mostly revolved around her profession. Also, when she was talking earlier about you not keeping in touch she seemed more hurt and sad than mad. I think she really just wants you there."

"If she seemed hurt it's because she didn't get her way," Jungkook says, nonchalant.

"Jungkook."

"I'm sorry but it's true" He adjusts his position, angling himself to face you. "Mom's used to calling the shots– at work, at home, even with our neighbors growing up. You've seen how dad is around her. Yeah, he pushes back a little but at the end of the day, he does what's asked of him."

Frightened to ask the next question, you swallow hard. "What aren't you telling me Jungkook?"

He gently takes your hand from your lap, rubbing small circles on the knuckles. "Growing up, she was hardly around or involved in my brother and I's life. Most weeks, she and Dad would be at work, and we'd be with a babysitter or nanny. Dad did what he could to take care of us but Mom? All she would do is prune us to be just like her...smart, successful, and a dash more to make up for all the achievements she couldn't make."

"Jungkook...I don't know what to say," you murmur, trying to take everything in. "But your PhD–"

"My decision but her influence. Though she wasn't pleased when I said I'd be relocating ten hours away."

You remember him telling you this part before. His mother had a hard time coping with his reluctance to stay nearby. Maybe she did want him to follow in her footsteps. "Your brother didn't have as much pressure on him did he?"

"He did, but he still bends to her will. Except for the grandchildren part." Jungkook grimaces, averting eye contact. "I guess we have that in common."

"Hey," you urge him to lift his head. "Please don't feel bad about telling me any of this. If your picture of parents has largely been their absence and desire for self-fulfillment, then I understand your grounds for not wanting children. And as far as tonight with your mom, I'm so sorry. I feel like it's partially my fault for agreeing to host them for two days."

A pair of soft eyes rest on you in the dim room. The sun was near set now and all the light previously shining into the room had come from the window. If this wasn't a serious moment you might take a candid shot of your husband.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me __," Jungkook coos. "Don't ever think your kindness is a fault." He pauses then continues. "I still want both my parents in my life but I need to draw boundaries or I will completely snap and that's not something I want to happen. Especially since we have a possible baby to make one day."

"Hu–huh?" It's the repetition of the last sentence that makes you utterly dumbfounded.

Baby? Baby with Jungkook. One day?

Your husband draws his hand up to barely caress your cheek. "Why does that always seem to stop your heart?"

You catch his wrist mid-movement and throw yourself into him. Your arms link around his neck, chest flat against his. "It doesn't stop my heart," you say, playing with his hair. "It makes it beat faster."

"Wow." Your husband hugs you closer. "So cheesy." He leans back after, pressing a soft kiss to yours.

The two of you continue making out like teenagers again; Jungkook tumbling on his back.

"Kook." You lay on top of him, straddling his sides. "Have you ever thought about seriously talking to your mom about you know, everything you told me?"

Jungkook hums, before answering. "Somewhat but, I'm not sure how that'll go."

"It might be worth it instead of having little pieces slip out when you get into conflict...like tonight for instance."

"I suppose it's not a far-fetched idea. I'll consider it but it might take some more time. For now, I think I'll start by calling her tomorrow. I'm still mad but I don't wanna leave things the way they are now. Plus, I'm sure they don't have plans to go back home early. I'd hate for them to stay in the hotel the rest of these two days."

"Sounds like a plan," you say, snuggling into the crook of his neck.

"Mom." Jungkook holds the phone to his ear. "What are you and Dad doing today?"

"Oh, I–," his mom stutters from the other end. "We're not up to too much. I think your dad wants to swing by some bookstore around town. Uh, what about you?"

"__ at work and I'm home by myself. Are you hungry? I thought maybe we could go out for brunch."

Jungkook hears his mom's tone lift. "Are you sure? I mean that would be lovely but if there are things you need to do then we don't want to...impose."

Mrs. Jeon's sudden willingness to check in is unexpected. Jungkook still senses traces of guilt but at least she's making somewhat of an effort.

"It's my treat," he assures, a little shaky. "I'm sorry about yesterday, mom. Maybe we can talk about it more in person."

"I think that would be good," she agrees simply. "Where and what time do you want to meet up?"

"Drive over here in twenty minutes. We can pile in my car and head over."

Once finally agreed, Jungkook ends the call. He opens his messages and shoots you a text.

Jungkook: Well I did it 😬 [sent at 10:42 a.m]

__: Proud of you ❤️ if anything happens, call me. [sent at 10:44 a.m]

Jungkook: I will. Also, sorry to bring it up but I gotta give Yoongi hyung an answer by tomorrow. Are we babysitting his twins Saturday? [sent at 10:47 a.m]

__: Ahm, it'll likely be the evening, right? [sent at 10:48 a.m]

Jungkook: Probably [sent at 10:49 a.m]

__: I guess, sure. We're going to need to put some stuff away though 😅 And get something fun for them to do! [sent by 10:51 a.m]

Jungkook: Noted but I'm sure they'll bring lots to do. Yoongi hyung is a big sofie for his girls. He buys them everything–literally 🫠 [sent at 10:52 a.m]

__: True. I have to get back to work now but love you xoxo [sent at 10:53 a.m]

A/N: Surprise! jk has mommy issues and they've has been triggered. Was hoping how he talked, thought, & acted towards her in the last chapter gave hints. On the brighter side, jungkook is another step closer to babyville! And next flashback will be something exciting! Lmk if you wanna be tagged or have thoughts in comments or asks! 💞

Masterlist

Taglist:

@frieschan @oldermenluverrr @tatamicc @kookswifesblog @llallaaa @sunnybyeol @namtaeh @exactlygreatcoffee @whipwhoops @yoongisducky @ktnj91 @junecat18 @thvlover7 @yoongiworshiper @ellesalazar @monbebe234-blog @parkinglot-nights @borahaexoxo @hobiswhore @kimseokjinbangtan @jjk97091 @mk-id @blueberry711 @givemethemaknaes16 @iammartian07 @jjkluver7 @itsdingdong @jiminshi20 @sweet-sourhotcoco @lovingkoalaface @starsinsky1999 @rockstarrgyu @chaconnelatte @lubtou

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

#bangtanbathhouse #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #bts smut #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts au #fic:toolatetodream #kookslastbutton

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draco-after-dark · 4 months

Note

Feral JD!!! I love this kinda stuff, and you already got some awesome art for it! I’ve been appreciating John Dory more and more lately, so it’s cool to find all the AUs

Got any specific scenarios you’ve been thinking about for him? Love to hear anything about it.

I also wonder about when he discovered he couldn’t read anymore, was he nonplussed? Disappointed? Didn’t realize it happened? How’d his brother figure it out and would they go about teaching him again?

I appreciate you! ✨💜👍 have a good day!

OOOOOOOOH I HAVE SO MANY ACUALLY

I'm having so much fun building his world out

I actually have a few scenarios in the works now and some mini comic ideas too, Just gotta finish them :]

The reading thing is actually an interesting point. To be honest it wasn't something I initial thought to hard about but now that you brought it up. Here are some thoughts I had on it.

(Also sorry this kinda long I got a bit carried away woops)

not being able to read does come as a shock to JD when he first realizes, It takes him a bit to come to terms with it and when he does realize its a "Shit, I really am a failure." kind of mentality.

Since he was just out in the wilderness reading and writing wasn't something he need to do, it was all about survival for him so something so simple as that never crossed his mind as a skill he could lose.

Not being able to sing/talk just sort of sprouted from when he turned grey and fully integrated himself to being alone, Truly alone. Just being by himself he never had a reason to speak, so eventual the years added up and he just couldn't figure out how to speak.

So I always figured Clay would be the first one to figure out that JD can't read. For some context JD has been away from any type of society for several years if not a whole decade at this point. just by himself out in the wilderness wander around from place to place. So loneness has set in hard and he hasn't had a conversation with someone since being on his own.

JD tends to approach his brothers when their on there own or hanging out with each other. He tends to avoid large crowds and sticks to the outskirts of pop village unless there is immediate danger within the village. They had a spider incident a week ago but JD dealt with that real quick. The village still has pretty mixed options on allowing him to stay but considering the brothers haven't even been able to get JD to come inside branch's bunker yet. It's not something the they have really considered or cared about yet.

Also for Clay figuring out JD cant read it would probably go something like this...

Being in a book club Clay can often be found reading books around pop village. So when its a beautiful sunny day. He decides that it's the perfect time to catchup on his latest book. That quickly becomes wishful thinking however when he feels the brush of fur against his arm. He's surprised to see John Dory crouched next to him head tilted leaning into his personal space. Just sort of staring at his book with a curious look on his face. He's not interacted this close to JD yet on his own, usually he only makes an appearance if Floyd or Branch are around. So being on his own with John so close makes him pretty nervous. Especially since previous interacts between the two of them haven't been the best. John may or may not have tried to attack him and Bruce at their first interaction. It was quite a shock to all the brothers when they discovered that not only Floyd but also John Dory had been kidnapped by the pop star wannabes. If Clay's being honest he didn't believe Floyd when he first told them that John Dory was still trapped some where in the dressing rooms. It didn't make any sense to him. Why would they keep leave John backstage for their big performance. Unless they had already sucked him dry of his talent. What they actually discovered Clay could have never seen coming. Their brother, their oldest brother was practically unrecognizable, In both behavior and colour. He still thinks about when they found him in that room huddled in the corner. The terrify snarl that came from him when they tried to get close. Heck. he didn't even know a troll could make such a noise. So what was he doing here with him now?

"Uh . . . hi?" Clay asked curiously his voice wavering slightly.

He could see John's ear tilt towards him so he must have heard him and was at least listening. Hopefully.

"what uh . . . what brings you here today?"

A low deep rumbled sounded out from John's throat has he lifted his hand nearest to the book and brought it closer to himself. Eyes flickering across the page. To Clay it looked as if he was trying to read the pages so without a word he tilted the book more towards JD and waited. Just watching him. As seconds turned into minutes he could feel the frustration growing inside his brother, from the way his brows knitted together, to the way he kept getting closer to the book. Like if he looked harder, tried harder it would all make sense. That was when it clicked.

He cant read. Clay thought.

He can barely talk, if grumbling even counts as talking. Can't read and chances are he cant write anymore ether.

With a scoff John shoves the book away from himself slides down from the rock to sit on the grassy earth below.

Clay felt odd. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. Pity? Hurt? No that wasn't quite right. Emptiness? A sense of loss? A mix of everything he guessed.

He never really considered how John must be feel. That it must be . . . frustrating. Not just being alone for so long that he unconsciously forgot things that always seemed so, basic. Normal to everyone. That writing and singing songs came so natural to all of them. That the once self-proclaimed leader of Brozone couldn't even read his own lyrics anymore. He could never imagine not being able to read again. Being left unable to communicate even the simplest of things, but here John was. Going through all that. Practically alone. Clay frowned well he stared down at his once proud brother and then a flicker of hope flashed through his eyes.

". . ."

"Do you want to read again?"

His ear perked up at that and his head quickly flipped back to Clay. An unreadable look in his eyes.

"I could teach you, to read, write, to talk again?"

He see the thoughts swirling through his eyes, the hope, that became to spark but that quickly disappeared as he sank back down towards the grass. I look of sadness crossing over his face as he began to fiddle with his claws.

"Do you not want to learn how to read again?" Clay aske bewilders

John huffed and stared at him with an unamused face

"well why then?"

John glanced to the side and gestured in way "carry on" sort of way.

"I don't understand."

John gave him a deadpan stare and flung his head to the side letting out a deep sigh.

Clay was thoroughly confused. what was he missing, what wasn't ne understanding. This was his brother, his older, former bossy, arrogant, obsessed older brother. So Clay wanted to try something. Something he had done in years.

"What, are you still to cocky to let your little brother teach you a thing or two?"

He huffed again, but this time it sounded more like a light chuckle followed by a quick eyeroll and after a few seconds John stared at him, one eyebrow raised like he was saying "are you serious right now?"

"So your telling me you'd rather sit on grass and feel sorry for yourself rather then spend time with your younger brother?"

Oh ya, That hit a nerve. If there was one thing John cared about it was his family, Family was apart of him and it always had been. His greatness strength and weakness. Something Clay figured out real quick when they were younger trollings. John must have felt as offended as he looked because next thing clay new he had already stood up and hoped right back up on the rock beside him.

"Same old Dory"

To which John responded by giving his brothers shoulder a shove and jerked his head towards the book down in Clay's hands.

"okay okay, will start with the basics . . ."

Don't know how in character this is for Clay but I tried guys. So yeah that's my thoughts so hopefully this makes sense.

Also if any Fanfic people out there stumble across this and start thinking they want to give try at writing some stuff for the Feral boi please do I would LOVE to read it. Like tag me please so I can read it and draw it.

Anyway imma go to bed byeeeeeee

#feral john dory au #trolls john dory #trolls band together #trolls #Feral JD au #mcdracoson asks

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panda-writes-kpop · 3 months

Text

the dreadful need in the devotee ~ lee gahyeon

a/n: sorry for all my international folks, I know I'm late (curse you comp sci homework for taking hours to complete) but happy Gahyeon day!! here's your daily dose of existensial dread and sadness in case you haven't felt that way recently :] (all jokes, but apparently I was in my feels when I wrote this)

tw: fluff to sadness, main character death, car accident, some religious elements, we almost got a happy ending folks

acknowledgements: inspired by hozier's talk and the pjo series on Disney plus!

word count: 2.8k

summary: a recollection of the five times you couldn't look at Gahyeon and the one time you did, but it's staged during a modern retelling of one of my favorite greek myths of all time (5+1 trope my beloved <3)

♡ Masterlist ♡

As the burning taste of alcohol travels down your throat, you think about why you’re here on a Wednesday night.

Here wasn’t home, the place you most often were found. Home was your paradise, your inspiration for your work - but you had been in a rut lately. Nothing seemed to spark your creativity, not even a hot drink and a warm bath would do.

So you wandered down the street, hoping to find something that would make you and your work feel alive again. Instead, the couples you passed on the street only chose to dig at a wound that you had covered with the patchwork of self-isolation.

Since tonight was an utter failure, much like most nights this month, you turned to the one thing that made everything a little better - booze. A drink sounded nice, especially as the last couple you passed discussed their wedding and future together.

You slid into the first bar that you found that was not too far from your apartment. Five blocks was a new record for you, considering that every store you needed was only two or three blocks from your apartment. Maybe you’d print out a certificate so you’d have some marker of success to hang on your wall.

World’s Most Introverted Person Travels Two Blocks Farther Than Usual!

You need another hobby besides drinking and bad jokes.

You’d turn to art, but blank pages and screens peek out at you from every corner of your apartment. That wasn’t an option, and you had already used all your daily wanderlust to find a bar, so drinking would have to do.

It wasn’t like the bar was busy or anything - weeknight traffic was slow, especially on Wednesday. You were sitting at the bar, making occasional idle chatter with the bartender and another patron who seemed to be in a worse state of despair than you.

You were fine in your bubble, and it wasn’t like anything would pop it any time soon-

Then you see her.

Your eyes landed on a group of girls sitting in a corner, but the girl that draws your attention is everything you had imagined and so much more. With bright pink hair, it was impossible to see anything but here.

She was a beautiful white lily among the tall grass, a sweet melody floated over syncopated beats. She was the sun, and you were a comet that was about to crash into her orbit. She was everything, and you were nothing.

…And she was looking right at you.

Fuuuuuck.

You immediately look away when she bounces up to you - she’s probably going to talk to that other person, right?

You couldn’t look her in the eyes, even when she, in all of her beautiful glory, was right in front of you.

“Do you want to join us for drinks?” Her eyes are inviting as she holds her hand out to you.

You try to find a reason to say no, but she sparks something within you. Something warm and kind, buried under the safety blanket that you wrapped your heart in.

She wasn’t your inspiration, not yet, at least. A muse, perhaps?

Whatever divine intervention brought you together was well needed.

Even though you couldn’t look her in the eyes until you were both drunk enough to forget everything but each other.

Gahyeon, her name was.

Even though the headache fucking sucked (but was so worth it, considering the extra phone number in your contacts), things started to look up for you. You could actually produce art, which meant that you could pay your landlord on time.

Your apartment was a mess while you were in a funk - a proper decluttering was in order. If you weren’t inspired to do art, you definitely weren’t inspired to do household chores. You shudder as your mother’s voice reprimands you about keeping your place tidy.

Perhaps sending proof of life would get her voice out of your head. Yet again, she’d probably call you and then want to visit, which would make things worse.

Suddenly, doing the dishes instead of mentally stalling doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Tedious doesn’t begin to cover your feelings towards the stacks upon stacks on dishes, which hadn’t grown mold or attracted flies, thank god. You decide to set your phone aside (you’d checked it three times since you decided to do the dishes, maybe you need to get a safe to throw it into) before filling the sink with water.

As you add soap to the water, your phone chimes. You shut off the water, as flooding your apartment would be worse than cold water, you reason.

You were sober enough to put Gahyeon’s name in your phone, but your capitalization skills were a bit… questionable.

gAhyEOn: hey u up?

some friends and I went drinking last night, and I need a pick-me-up.

you wanna go for coffee?

Coffee? As in a coffee date? As in you’ll be face-to-face with Gahyeon alone, after you probably made a fool of yourself a few nights ago?

Well, you don’t remember much about that night, do you?

God damn you, vodka, you taste good in too many mixed drinks.

You quickly respond with a ‘Sure! What time?’ after contemplating what to say for an uncomfortable amount of time.

gAhyEOn: Does thirty minutes work for you?

I’ll send you the address, see if you can make it there in time.

Your phone buzzes, and afterwards, you plug the address into Google Maps - it’s only a block farther than the bar you met Gahyeon in. If you quickly scrubbed a few dishes and put proper clothes on (the Pokemon pajamas were cute but not ideal for a “first date”), you could make it there in thirty minutes if you run-walked.

You send her a confirmation text, telling her that the time and place will work. You manage to finish a quarter of the dishes (you’ll totally finish the rest of the dishes instead of continuing your latest masterpiece) before throwing on a comfortable outfit that’s perfect for a first date. You grab your wallet and phone before heading out of your apartment.

The walk to the cafe takes a lot less time than you had considered, but that was probably because you were going through a hundred and one different ways that you could make a fool of yourself.

Although you nearly ran headfirst into a pole when you saw Gahyeon waving at you in the distance, you had made it to the café.

Even if you were a bit too embarrassed to look her in the eyes, a bit sweaty from run-walking here, especially after she told you off for being late.

“You’re five minutes late. I thought I told you thirty minutes, not thirty-five-”

“In my defense,” You raise your hands in the air, “I’m worse at directions when I’m sober.”

“If you buy me coffee, I may forgive you.”

“Let’s test that theory, huh?” You open the door for her as she gracefully smiles.

You let out a nervous sigh before closing the door behind you. You’ve got this, right?

Maybe the gods would push some luck in your favor.

Gahyeon didn’t think you were a total loser, so that was a plus.

She even agreed to a proper first date, and then a second, next a third, and you’d somehow convinced her to become your girlfriend… which meant that she would be moving in with you since you’d been dating for a year and a half.

Time flies.

“Can you help me with these boxes, babe?”

After shoving more of your supplies (holy fuck how much shit did you own) into a spare closet, you join Gahyeon at the door to receive the box that she had in her hands.

“I got it,” You say before immediately swearing after the box rests in your arms, “what did you put in here, a bowling ball?”

“Three, actually,” Gahyeon offers a sweet smile as you shake your head, “it’s just the first box of my clothes. You can set it in the bedroom, if you would.”

“The things I do for you.” You scoff before shifting the weight in the box (seriously, what was in here?).

You take a few steps forward as Gahyeon wanders around your apartment. She peeks into the room you just left before letting out a gasp.

“You didn’t move your work so I could have more space, did you?”

You pause, not turning to meet her eye, as she accusingly charges toward you.

“Yah, babe, I told you to leave that stuff there! You know how much I love seeing your work.”

You hightail it to the bedroom before she tackles you into a warm hug. You both dissolve into giggles, heavy boxes and caring anger set aside, as you enjoy her presence.

“I love you.” She whispers before kissing your lips.

You wonder what god of love was paid off in order to match you and Gahyeon, but you didn’t care. Everything worked, you two worked, and your work spoke for itself.

That’s all you ever needed.

A wedding ring was the other thing you needed.

You had fiddled with the ring for ages, wondering when would be the right time to propose.

Gahyeon deserved the best, after all.

So you just asked her one day, when the moment was right.

And she said yes before bursting out into tears. You were quick to comfort her, of course, but you felt like you had ascended to another plane of reality.

Finally, everything made sense.

Your creative energy was at a high, so you were producing plenty of work. You were ahead on rent, enough so that you could save up for a house and a wedding, eventually.

Gahyeon stood in the kitchen, admiring the ring on her left hand, as you wrapped your arm around her waist.

“The ring’s pretty.” She says absentmindedly as you squeeze your arms, which makes her laugh. “What’s up?”

“I got bored. Something told me to go out here and check up on you.” You give a small shrug before kissing her cheek. “What are you up to?”

“I’m going to head to the store by my old place to pick up a few things. Do you want anything?”

For some reason, your stomach sinks. But why, you wonder? She made this trip often, what was so awful about it now?

“Are you sure you don’t want to go down the street, to the convenience store?” You try to convince her as she shakes her head and manages to escape your grasp.

“I’ll be fine, babe,” She turns to give you a quick kiss on the lips before grabbing the car keys on the table, “are you worried about me?”

“Maybe.” You give a noncommittal answer before checking the clock. “Be home for dinner!”

“I will, I promise.” She walks away and grabs the doorknob before turning back to you. “Hey!”

“Hey what?”

“I can’t wait to marry you.” Gahyeon winks at you as you look away in embarrassment.

It’s crazy that she still has this effect on you, years later.

She laughs before shutting the door as you stare at the front door to your apartment like a lovesick golden retriever waiting for their human to return.

You couldn’t wait for her to return back into your arms, so you could make dinner and spend the rest of your night together.

Four hours.

It had been four hours since Gahyeon left.

Should you be worried?

She would’ve texted, called, told you if she would’ve been late. Gahyeon expected the same of you, even though you weren’t the most prompt person at times.

You should stop pacing before you have to add carpet replacement to your laundry list of things to buy. The sun had gone down, but that meant that traffic must’ve been heavy, right?

You need to take a walk before you worry yourself into an early grave.

You grab a light jacket before exiting your apartment. Taking a walk around the block has always helped clear your mind, but your heart pangs with a new hurt as Gahyeon always liked to go on walks with you.

She was fine, she had to be fine.

You round the corner, only to want to immediately retreat back into your home.

A car accident.

The worst part?

Gahyeon’s car was among the wreckage.

Police officers pushed the surrounding crowd back, and you scream when you see an EMT pick a bloody ring out from among the wreckage.

Not just any ring.

Her ring.

You can’t look anymore.

You hadn’t spoken to anyone in weeks.

You hadn’t created anything since the day she died.

Three weeks.

Twenty-one days.

Five-hundred and four hours.

Thirty-thousand, two-hundred forty minutes.

You can’t breathe, can’t think.

You need to open a window.

The light casts a gentle glow over your apartment.

It’s a wreck. You’re a wreck.

How fitting.

Your phone rings. It’s probably your mother, asking why you didn’t come to Sunday dinner for the third time in a row.

You can’t tell her about Gahyeon, you could barely face her parents and tell them what happened. You were choked up then, and you hadn’t felt much better since.

Your heart had been ripped from your chest.

You pick up your phone anyway.

“Do you want to see her again?” A deep male voice echoes from your phone speaker as you sigh.

“You have the wrong number. Have a good day.” You say with no emotion as the voice quickly replies.

“It’s Gahyeon. I have Gahyeon.”

“Who are you? Where is she?”

“Go to the bar where you first met. I’ll meet you there and take you to her.”

“Hold on, how do I know you’re not-”

You pause as you hear the other line beep repeatedly.

He hung up on me. What a dick.

“What do you want?” You gruffly ask as you slide into a booth opposite a man dressed in an all-black suit.

He fixes his silver locks for a moment before looking you up and down.

“You want the girl back?”

“Gahyeon,” You correct, “and I want her here as much as her family does.”

“Would you do anything for her?”

“Yes.” You answer immediately as the man smiles.

“Good, good.” He snaps his fingers as the scenery around you changes.

You’re forced on your feet as the booth disappears behind you.

“What the fuck-” You look at the walls, which expand in every direction and then disappear behind walls of fire and stone.

The man walks forward as a set of stairs appears before him.

“Who are you?” You ask as the ground underneath you begins to shift.

“Death, not the devil.” He answers after sitting down on a throne made of fire and magma. “I have a proposition for you, since your love for Gahyeon has moved my wife. I’m feeling rather…. generous, shall we say?”

“What’s the catch?”

“You have to take the long way out, with you leading and her behind. You can’t look back to see if she’s there, you have to trust yourself and trust her. Understood?”

“I-” You pause while weighing your options.

Could you lead her out of Hell? A dangerous adventure, sure, but it would be worth it to bring her home.

“I accept.”

Death snaps his finger before a door to your left appears.

“Walk through that door and begin your journey.”

You place your hand on the door before looking back at him.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me until you get to the other side.”

You didn’t expect walking through hell to be a cake walk, but you were absolutely exhausted.

Who knows if death himself didn’t trick you in the first place?

You couldn’t look to see if Gahyeon was behind you, and you couldn’t hear her speaking as well.

You just had to trust yourself and trust her.

You trusted Gahyeon, of course you did, but did you trust yourself enough that you wouldn’t have been fooled?

Everyone in hell is looking at you as you climb up towards the exit.

You can do this. You should do this.

Is she really behind me?

You should keep going. You have to keep going.

Your footsteps begin to slow as your breath becomes ragged. You were tired, but you were almost there.

You see the light, see everything that you would have again.

You reach out to embrace the light, you’re almost there.

Is she there?

Gahyeon gasps as your eyes connect with hers.

“You… were there.”

“I always was.” She softly answers before backing up towards the darkness.

“I made a mistake.” You try to reach out and grab her, but she’s fading away from you.

“I know.”

“I love you.” A tear falls from your eye as she disappears into nothingness.

“I know.”

Just like that, she was gone, and you were alone.

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basket-of-cats-and-witches · 5 months

Text

Comfort Part 3: Astarion

If you haven't read part 1 and 2, you don't have to to read this one. This is part of a group of indulgent fics for wholesome hurt/comfort moments that I think other people could use as much as I did. 1 and 2 feature Wyll and Gale respectively, if you're interested.

This one is set around act 2, but doesn't include spoilers, really. It's right before Astarion's second scene, abouts.

Anyway, enjoy, and if you like this fic, please give it a reblog so other people can see and read it as well💖

---

You can't seem to stay asleep.

You toss and turn, but nothing seems to be comfortable enough.

Maybe there's a rock underneath the tent floor, or a bit too much lumpy ground, or maybe your pillow isn't in the right position.

Either way, sleep evades your grasp, like a teasing lover just out of reach.

Eventually, you give up. Your mind swirls with thoughts, tomorrow's problems crowding in and shouting in your ears.

They're impossible to ignore.

There is, however, someone who can distract you.

Finding Astarion is surprisingly easy. You catch him right as he's about to enter his tent, his cheeks almost flushed with the recent satiation of his hunger.

He smirks as you approach, his body loose and languid. “If you were going to offer a nibble, darling, I'm afraid I've already had my dinner. Slim pickings, but I've made do.” That expression fades as you get closer. “You seem troubled, lover.”

He pretends not to care, for the most part. Here in the privacy afforded to you two by the night, however, the worry snakes its way through his artful mask, and in return, it eases you slightly.

You sigh and smile at him. “Any chance you'd be willing to help me forget them?”

Something flickers across his expression. He's been doing it for a while now, the further you get into the shadowlands.

He'll tell you when he's ready, you know. Pushing Astarion tends to make him snap and withdraw.

Instead, you wait, and he rewards you by opening his tent flap. “Well, since you insist,” he sighs. He gestures for you to go inside.

And for a while, you're distracted. Despite his noting his lack of hunger, he still sinks his teeth in, and the pain mixed with pleasure clouds your mind.

It is almost enough.

More and more, lately, he stays afterward. Especially considering this is his tent, but he doesn't encourage you to leave.

Instead, he studies that creepy tome of his as you catch your breath by his side.

It's quiet in the night, the only sound is his turning of the page.

Eventually, however, he huffs and puts it aside.

“Alright, enough of this. Speak to me. What is plaguing you so? Usually you're asleep by now. Not that your company is entirely unsavory, but you should…talk about it.” He pushes the words out, and you look up at him in surprise. He's bare, pale skin out on display, but he looks at you intently. He doesn't waver.

“I…” You close your eyes, if only to find some reprieve from his gaze. It's hard for you to focus under the full weight of his attention.

“I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about what's ahead. Our tadpoles. The next step. Everything feels like it's an uphill battle from here.”

He's quiet, and you open your eyes to look up at him.

Astarion is no longer looking at you, but out into the distance, deep in thought.

“Neither can I,” he admits softly. “I don't think any of us can, darling. We're all running from our own demons, some of us more literally than others. I mean, have you seen Wyll? That woman won't leave him alone!”

He smirks a little as you snort, a smile reluctantly tugging onto your face.

“There you are,” he murmurs. He leans in towards you, hesitating for just a second before cupping your face. “If I must be the voice of reason, remember this. You-” he chokes for a second, his words stuttering, before he forces himself to continue. “You are not alone. You're not.” The words seem to be as much for him as they are for you. “Everything is bad right now, and we could turn into mind flayers at any second. Or, heavens forbid, Cazador could show up at our doorstep and wipe us all out in an instant. But right now, here, you are not alone. Gale would probably have something more eloquent and long-winded to say, probably nattering on about Mystra and the Weave for an hour or two, but fortunately, darling, you've got me.

So.”

He moves his hand to your chin, tilting it up so you're forced to meet his crimson gaze.

“Remember that. Tomorrow will most likely be hard, and who knows what will happen. But tonight, you get the privilege of sleeping in my tent, and I'll watch over you. So rest for a bit, and remember that tonight, you are safe and in good company. Alright?”

You nod, and his expression softens minutely.

He leans down, and steals a kiss.

It surprises you, in its mundane nature. It's clear he doesn't expect any reciprocation, and even seems a little startled himself.

It is the first kiss he's offered without reason, and in that moment, you realize that something has shifted between you two.

There's a relaxed intimacy that wasn't there before.

He huffs and looks away. “Anyway, go to sleep. We've got another long day of walking about in the mud, and you still need rest, so you should do so.”

You smile as you settle down to sleep, curled up against his side.

As your eyes close, a cool hand gently begins to stroke your hair.

#Astarion #astarion x reader #my writing #bg3 #hurt/comfort #just some wholesome “people learning that they care about each other” times

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hachiibun · 8 months

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Update Stuff (Art/IRL)

Just gotta put this out here real quick.

TL;DR ver: Been occupied by family stuff so snz art has been slow. Got scammed, lost like 35 USD. If you're willing AND have funds to spare, I have a Patreon and a Ko-fi.

Haven't had much time too work on snz-centric art and commissions as of late because of family visiting the area. Wasn't able to schedule around it well, some of it was a surprise. Happy to be around them, but it makes finding drawing time hard especially for snz.

Also, partially bc I was distracted by some sudden family medical stuff, I fell victim to a scam. Lost the money in my bank account. Good news, I didn't have a lot in there to lose. I don't keep too much money in there just in case something like this happens. Still, losing around 35 USD when trying to keep on top of bills is tough.

So here's where I plug my Patreon. Since it's tough for me to put out all-new stuff at the moment, I'm gonna be putting some of my WIPs and a few snz OC concepts I haven't shared on Tumblr up for patrons to see real soon. If a monthly pledge is too much, there's still my Ko-fi.

Of course, pledging and donating are not obligations. Please consider your own financial situations first.

Thanks for reading!

#hachiibuntxt #things occur so much #more snz august august things later this week #august himself will feature #tuesday as well

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purplekoop · 3 months

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I think I should be transparent about the state of where I'm at with my personal projects that I've been sharing on this blog so far.

First off my computer situation is still unchanged, mostly because of scheduling issues being a constant blockade. It can still safely function enough to type in my notes docs or on tumblr, but the big thing is that it can't run games. This is kind of an issue when my most used tag is for a game I play on PC.

Which leads to the big point: I haven't exactly been in an Overwatch mood lately, both because I can't actually play it and because the recent news about the state of its dev team is some of the most disheartening in this game's extremely tumultuous history. It's hard to be excited about a game you can't play, and it's extremely hard to be excited about a game where you're not even sure if there's enough people still employed working on it to keep it going forward. Somehow I still don't outright detest the game or anything close to that, but it's not been too frequent in my thoughts lately.

Obviously, this hurts my enthusiasm to work more on the AU based directly on the game itself, but also doesn't help inspire me to work as much on War Bots, my original team shooter project based heavily on Overwatch. I realize that between the two the former is more popular (fanbase of like 6 vs a fanbase of like 2), but still. My personal interest in these is at a low, more so unfortunately for Role Requeue than War Bots. This is somewhat normal for me, I cycle between interests pretty consistently, with my last Overwatch/War Bots kick lasting a bit long all things considered without much going to my other personal projects.

speaking of, I can at least mention the two of those I've been lending some brain juices to

The first is Renegades, a teen superhero team story that I hope to turn into a webcomic series one day. There's really not anything to it that I can say as a super unique pitch, I just wanna make my own superhero story because I think they're neat.

Slightly more zesty is Darkworld Showdown, a platform fighter idea with a "spooky/monster/creature" theme inspired by Darkstalkers and Skullgirls. This one has been on brain hiatus for longer since the friend who sort of became the "second in command" on the project has been radio silent for almost a year, but I've been back in touch with them recently so I'm hoping to get back into it more and give another pass on the roster and mechanics to hopefully refine it into something both more realistic to make and more interesting than just another indie platform fighter. I have some character designs floating around on Art Fight already but most of the cast needs an update badly, it's been a while for almost all of them and even some of the public stuff is rough from how old it is.

I may be posting more about these if there's any interest, but I mostly just wanted to explain where my head's been at lately, especially if you mostly expect Overwatch stuff from me. Not gonna try and beat myself up for it or anything, but wanted to mention it anyways. I think at least in my little circle that the Overwatch burnout is apparent so this might not be as big of a shocker as I'm fearing, but uh... yeah not sure how to end this one.

#koop's oc stuff

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violetcyclamen · 3 months

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I haven't posted in months y'all I'm sorry (I literally forgot I had a tumblr account and I had literally no motivation). I haven't been drawing much 😭😭(except for vases and poses for my art exam)

I'm not really into anime anymore, especially BSD. As much as I enjoyed it, the fandom became unbearably cringe and genuinely annoying and I've seen a lot of (in my opinion) creeps. I've been very uncomfortable with the content lately (saying this as someone who makes sex jokes on an every day basis and just generally talks about weird shit). It's honestly gotten to the point where I'm afraid to cosplay from BSD again as I do not want to be associated with the fandom.

I hope you understand and if you followed me for my BSD fanarts, I will no longer post anime related content (I am also considering restarting my account), so you are free to unfollow.

Apologies if the text isn't exactly coherent, I was in a hurry when I wrote this. Anyway, have some shitty harry potter and lotr doodles (and have a nice day!) :))))

#artists of tumblr #shitty doodles #lord of the rings #legolas #legolas greenleaf #thranduil #harry potter #hermione granger #draco malfoy #ron weasley #severus snape #i fucking love severus snape #narcissa malfoy

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ferry-man-sam · 2 months

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Hi ferrymansam, my name is Mal, I have been a VERY HUGE fan of your work.. I've commented on What Lies at the Bottom on AO3 under the username aesopcarle and when I said nothing will ever top your fanfiction, I MEAN IT.. You replied to me and I haven't responded to your reply since even tho i really wanted to especially considering the fact I did not keep my promise to compliment your work for a day more T_T but i want you to know that i enjoy it so much!!

I go to an art school and in July we need to create some kind of project to put in our portfolio. I dealt with a lot of uncertainty, and lately I've not had sufficient inspiration to create something I'm really passionate about. But I am very, very passionate about What Lies at the Bottom..

I've written about you a couple of times, be it in my diary, or wherever. I've CRIED about you at least two times. I've met other people who have read your story on Asia server eng 1. I'm going to go to the love lock bridge and put me and chapter nine's names on a padlock.

I'm a tremendously big fan, and if I could please have your permission to make a fangame or fan animation out of your work I would be so grateful!! Most of the credits will of course go to you, and if I get any profit out of it, I'll do my best to transfer what I can, but I'm afraid of the difference in out countries (I'm Indonesian)

Thank you so much for your time and consideration and I look forward to making this come true 🙏

I’m almost at a loss for words for how insanely happy this message made me. I never thought I’d create something that someone enjoyed so intensely and thoroughly, which has always been a dream of mine that I didn’t think I had a chance of coming true until I reached a wider audience.

The fact that I’ve reached this with my silly little fanfiction has honestly astonished me, and I cannot impress upon you enough that this story wouldn’t have been complete without your enthusiasm and support. You have my full permission to create any kind of fan work you’d like, and please send it to me if you do! It might literally make me cry /pos

I feel like no words will truly ever be enough to thank you. This is one of the sweetest things someone has said about something I’ve created, and I’ll probably come back to this message if I ever have writer’s block it makes me so happy. I have trouble completing things, and this fic was a rare instance that I felt compelled to do so, and I’m so very glad I did. I wish nothing but love for you, and I am so glad to have created something you loved so much!!

In tears, In the most positive way, thank you.

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variousqueerthings · 8 months

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@autistic-puffin i feel like i have nothing more to say about go2, like I excised my thoughts in one go 😭 especially considering it feels like so much meta/art has already been posted

(EDIT: AND THEN I WROTE THOUGHTS)

my main thoughts are also maybe a teensy bit hot take, because I'd assumed it was going to be a bit like certain narratives that are quite popular on here, but don't really do it so such for me, because they don't ground their queerness in anything substantial or they try to, but aren't informed enough to do it well (I admire the attempt and I have nothing against these pieces, I just don't personally enjoy them) and so it's more about the shipping or the memeable moments and that's not really what I get into things for

and it being disingenuous to fold it under narratives that are willing and fun enough, but ultimately made by people who haven't done toooo much work around queer themes before and fall (in my opinion) a bit for the simple narratives of "everything ultimately has to have stakes that aren't too high and play nice and don't distress their audience too much lest fragile LGBT+ people can't handle it" <- sweet narratives, easy to follow, a tad too candyfloss and ungrounded for my taste, often unbalanced in its comedy-to-drama scales and undermining sincerity by solving things too quickly and/or with too little delving into what these things mean

neil gaiman and john finnemore have been writing queer characters and themes for some time, and david tennant/michael sheen have played queer characters before (and heck, david tennant has at least one queer kid), it's not so surprising that this narrative actually isn't as mass-appeal as was assumed it was going to be before coming out (heh, coming out)

and by mass-appeal I don't mean that it doesn't have mainstream attention, but that there's seemingly confusion about what it's doing, when if you're into stories about non-conformity vs oppression (in this case mainly through a queer lens) it's pretty obvious, and I'm assuming very rewarding on subsequent watches

it's not fluff -- fluff works better for me in fanfiction than in original works, it's not aimless -- either in direction or in theme, it's not mainstream queerness -- although nina and maggie kind of have that "LGBT-unburdened-by-reality" kind of thing that I often don't vibe with, they're a part of three narratives about connection that ultimately ground queer non-conformity in action and feeling as explicitly dangerous to oppressive systems (in this case systems grounded in Christianity, which works very well)

there's a confusion in some reviews I've seen in the mainstream about why it matters that we follow these characters through thousands of years (well, millions technically, but the main thrust happens in the thousands), and coming to the conclusion that it's just because everyone's having a bit of fun, and then they're totally blindsided by the final 15mins and unable to place it in what they've watched previously

but it makes perfect narrative sense and I can pinpoint after one watch clues and foreshadowing leading to those final minutes, and why it matters that we follow the characters the way that we do, and (while I won't go too much into this because I think I'm late to the party and plenty of others have already spoken about it) threads that have been laid out that will clearly be picked up on in s3

I quite enjoy that this is a narrative about queerness that isn't so palatable to reviewers, and isn't for that matter so palatable to viewers who are used to measuring successful queer narrative via easy-to-follow tropes, I think that's one suggestion that it's done its job right in how it was constructed

I want especially straight mainstream reviewers to have to do the translation and if they can't, then it's not for them. that's a rarity in queer narrative that's released with so much attention and that also feels like part of the magic trick of the season -- am reminded of when black sails season 2 "revealed" that flint was queer and that this was a narrative centred around queer rage as an insight into other forms of oppression (which some things were done better than others of course, but that was the purpose, and madi really is that voice at the end!)

and how some straight dudebro fans felt cheated, while many queer viewers went... well yeah, obviously flint was queer, they signposted it (here I also note that some queer viewers didn't see it until that moment because we're also used to being signposted at and then not having follow-through because queercoding language is so ubiquitous to tv and film writing nowadays that many straight people don't know what it is or that they're doing it, or they went "hey we might do something queer winkwink" and then called fans disgusting for reading characters as queer ✌)

and that feeling is somewhat similar here in a way. "we thought we were in this for a bit of silly fluff, what's all this about themes? it's confusing, we don't like it, we're going to flatten it rather than acknowledge what is actually happening in the narrative, and then we're going to interact with that flattened version that we've created instead and call it self-indulgent and harmlessly silly."

so my hot take is that... it's not silly. well it is silly and fun and even at times indulgent, but it's also quite good at being a story that is Queer in ethos, and I prefer stories to be queer in ethos and not just have some ostensibly queer characters around saying the right words without knowing why or where those words originate

it's better than it's being given credit for, in ways it's not being given credit for, because it's not made palatable for a mainstream straight crowd or softened for fear of upsetting anyone

#good omens #good omens 2 #go2 #good omens season 2 #i also hesitate to post because then s3 comes out and it's really not that deep 😂#but s2 feels so deliberate -- but then you're used to seeing set-ups that don't pay off -- but then gaiman and finnemore are seasoned #so I think there's an instinct to keep something at arms length #or focus on the fluff and the shipping and not on the thematic depth #because what if actually all of that was done by accident and the writers/directors have no idea where to take it next #but this isn't aimless it's a set up to what comes next which has already been planned #and it plays really well with the first season which isn't quite as deep/could work as a fun standalone story #because it takes the deep questions of that season that weren't really delved into and takes the plunge #this is not to say i wouldnt critique things -- hell black sails is one of the best shows of all time and i have plenty to critique there #but i feel like the wrong things are being focused on

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dear-alex-chill · 6 months

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An update

Lately I haven't been active and it's spanned much longer than I intended. I originally thought it was the Team Science Zine sucking up all my energy (that zine was awesome but a beast to make) but I now realize that may have been me trying to convince myself of an untrue reality. I've been exhausted all the time with no time for me. I'm also dealing with more personal issues and being in a period of transition uses a lot of spoons. Hopefully I'll resolve some issues through therapy or other means but it's a lot to balance and I don't necessarily have the resources to take on everything. Unfortunately, art and writing has taken a backseat for the time due to everything going on. It is what it is, I hope to create again one day. However, the end of DAC as an account may be nearing.

I know I've been silent/quiet for months. I know I've not finished anything. I have few WIPs but they're limited in development and not something I want to post. Overall the Dear-Alex-Chill account is fading on all fronts and I'm not sure I want it to revive. I know my stuff rarely shows up in places, in part because of the niche I drew myself into, but also a lack of relevancy in what I produce. I honestly haven't touched digital art in a while, I do miss it. However, I'm exhausted constantly or I'm under the perception I'm too busy to do it, carving time is hard right now. I am considering leaving everything up and just sorta orphaning my account, I would never delete my writing and I don't like the prospect of deleting my art, but actively maintaining a social media like that is taxing and not something I can do right now. DAC might turn into an archive of sorts and when I'm ready I'll start anew entirely with a new name and page. Or maybe I'll come back in a while ready to get going again, I'm not sure.

Some of the lack of desire to revive was a slightly toxic culture. When things blew up around me (not really at me though but like Tumblr? Yk) I felt the need to step back and a part of me just never wanted to return. Moots, I love you guys, you're the reason I stayed so long. But sometimes it's hard to want to engage in a community of people that dislike you and that you generally dislike, it's tiresome. Wacky and Sikyu especially, you guys were awesome to talk to (I'm just mentioning you two specifically because I feel really bad for leaving you guys with no context after months of hyper-dumping hcs and ideas. Anyone I've repeatedly dmed or shared my hcs with and talked to, I do miss you all. Everyone is owed an apology but that's a lot of names to write.) It's hard to stay in a place you don't want to be, especially when you feel you're leaving those close to you, but I think it's of my best interest to step away from DT and TtS/RTA.

To my followers, I'm sorry you haven't gotten what you followed for.

To the anons and haters, cool. Have fun with your lives, I believe in karma but don't act on it, it's not my job to enforce karma, that's the universe's job.

To my mutuals/friends, I haven't forgotten you all and I do think about you. It's just hard to reply or I feel bad reaching out after so much silence. Hopefully I'll be chatty again or return to some normalcy later and I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you earlier.

Overall this just serves as a message/wellness check. I'm still here, I still lurk, but I don't really know if I want to stay active. When I decide to either orphan or revive, I'll let you all know in a new post, but for now here's what's been happening. I love y'all.

See ya later.

(yes this was on insta in slides form, Tumblr hates me uploading more than 3 photos at a time)

#slight vent ish???#idk I'm trying to explain everything without directly venting everything #its prolly not working but thats ok

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danggirlronpa · 5 months

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Merch Monday Wednesday!! Because I finished my certificate course yesterday andnow I have time to be a person who exists again!

[Ko-fi to Support This Project]

Because I've been lower on funds this last month or two, I haven't been able to purchase nearly as much merch lately. (I physically could not stop myself from buying Some of it. I'm mentally ill. Making poor financial decisions about my hyperfixation is my bread and butter.) So this is a collection of merch from probably the start of November! We'll go from the earliest to the most recent.

THIS IS THE STICKER I THOUGHT I LOST. You can buy this here! I actually ended up ordering another one and then having to cancel it when I found the original (it was buried under my bills somehow), and the artist was very sweet! The sticker itself is just fine, especially for how cheap it was, and I love the art on it. The artist has lots of other fun stuff, including a similar Ishimondo sticker, so check out the rest of their shop too!

This is from @drexecutionzine's fundraiser sale! I wanted to get both it and the matching Komaru one, but this was the start of my Financial Woes, so I couldn't swing it. I ended up getting the more blatant Toko's Got Her Crushes print. This one shipped near immediately after I bought it, which assuaged a lot of worries about their shipping in general. I'm so glad they managed to make enough to ship out the zines!! No defects, gorgeous art, Death Trauma - we've got it all!

These prints by @cactuskhee were fully an indulgence buy, because I've both of these in other forms - the left piece in a much smaller bonus art that was for patreon supporters, and the right one as the cover of the DR Bunny Zine - but I loved the left one so left that I wanted a physical version, and I wanted some physical version of the Bunny Zine, even if I couldn't buy the whole thing physically! (It's a fantastic zine with designs uniquely catered to each character; you can find purchase updates here!) Khee's store, komahina.com, is closed for the year, but should reopen again in January - patrons get a notification when it opens and a password to get in a day early, so consider supporting them!

This is a VERY CUTE Irumatsu keychain from @networkink on her Storenvy! It was originally $13, but it's gone down to $6, which was much more affordable for me - and I'm so glad I got it, because it's sooo cute! The back of the art is bumped out against the back, which may be a negative for people who expect their keychains to see a lot of wear and tear, but for me it isn't an issue at all. She's also got a got other ships planned and some really cute general Yuri totes and pins in her store - check her out!

This is one that I was VERY excited about, because I had input into it!! @ariespetal asked on Twitter what pieces people would want to see at prints, and this is one I mentioned in the replies, because it's one of my favorite Tenmiko arts maybe ever. I'm so so excited that she made it available, and bought it the moment it went up. (RIP wallet.) And it was absolutely worth it - it's a very good price considering its size, and it's even more beautiful physically than seeing it digitally! I'd love to get ahold of her Angie print, too, once I have more money. Check out her etsy!

#merch monday #....wednesday #mod merch #tokomaru #irumatsu #tenmiko #art #merch #thh #sdr2 #v3 #i'll come back and tag chars later!

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itzayahuatlmermaid · 6 months

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~ About Me ~

Hi, welcome to my intro post! I had another acc that had been doing well about a year ago, but I lost my login info! Anyways, here are the basics about me!

I currently go by the name Ev on this blog, which is an abbreviation of my full name! <3 I used to go by the name Mētzli on here, but I now know that my ancestors would have spoken some form of Coahuiltecan language, and not Nahuatl, from which that name was derived

I'm located in South Texas, in occupied Carrizo/Comecrudo territory. My paternal ancestry is native to the area, descended from nomadic Coahuiltecan peoples, and my maternal lineage descends from Denmark

I'm an artist! My entire life, I've always loved to express myself and create 💗 I'm a classically trained soprano, though I haven't done much singing lately. I've been in studio dance all my life and am considering minoring in dance! I also perform in plays and musicals! These past 4 years or so, I've discovered and have been cultivating my passions for creating intentional jewelry pieces made with themes and materials that honor the ecology and spiritual connections within the Tamaulipecan environment, in which I am rooted. I also make candles, do embroidery, work with air dry clay, etc. In this time, I have also learned, and am still learning to read tarot for myself and others!

I'm an herbalist and wildcrafter! I've also been pursuing and educating myself in these passions the past 4 years. I especially love to work with herbal medicine attributed female reproductive health! I also particularly love familiarizing myself with plants indigenous to my area that have been and still are used as food and medicine by native peoples <3

I'm very interested in spirituality and can describe myself as an eclectic witch! My spiritual practices and beliefs include those of traditional Latiné and native practices, lunar rituals and manifestation, candle work, cartomancy (tarot and oracle cards), sigils, self-love and glamour rituals, working with oceanic energies, and more!

I'm a student at a univ in South Tx, majoring in Environmental Science! I really want to go into fields like conservation and protection, reforestation, and ecology, so I can do anything I can to help preserve the ecosystems I live in and love 💗 I'm currently taking Gen. Physics (which has been tough, as math is NOT my strong suit), and History 1. I'm not entirely sure what I plan to take next semester yet, but I know I'll definitely be taking Intro to Enviro Science 1!

~ I know this was a pretty long post, but my others will be of my art, herbal and spiritual practices, my academic work, etc. !

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my-chemical-wheaties · 3 months

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Albums That I Listened to in January 2024

Last month, I made the first of what I plan to be a series of twelve posts where I share what albums I listened to in the month before then and what I thought about them.

Here are the twelve albums that I listened to this month:

Titanic Rising - Weyes Blood (2019)

When We Were That What Wept for the Sea - Colin Stetson (2023)

3D Country - Geese (2023)

Middle Cyclone - Neko Case (2009)

In Colour - Jamie xx (2015)

Atlanta Millionaires Club - Faye Webster (2019)

Color Me Country - Linda Martell (1970)

Madison - Sloppy Jane (2021)

Marquee Moon - Television (1977)

Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins (1990)

Fantasies - Metric (2009)

In My Own Time - Karen Dalton (1971)

Here's how I'd rank these albums:

Madison - I decided to give this album a listen purely out of curiosity because of how fascinated I was by the story behind how it got made. For those of you who are unaware, songwriter Haley Dahl and her band Sloppy Jane recorded this album in the Lost World Caverns in West Virginia over the course of two weeks, and for an album that was recorded in a literal cave, it's excellent. The orchestral, art pop compositions are absolutely beautiful, and Haley is a great lyricist whose ability to convey certain emotions and experiences with such visceral imagery and usage of symbolism throughout multiple tracks is something I admire and respect. Going into this album knowing that it was recorded in a cave adds to the atmosphere of the album, too. While listening, I couldn't help but imagine Haley and company playing these songs in a dark cavern in the middle of the night. I could go on about this album and how much I love it for pages, but I these posts are already kind of long as it stands, and I don't want it to be any longer. Definitely give it a listen, especially if you're as big of a Kate Bush fan as I am, because this has her influence all over it. 10/10

2. Middle Cyclone - Ever since I discovered her music last year before I started this personal challenge, Neko Case has quickly become one of my favorite artists and this album only further demonstrates to me why I've come to love her work so much. The way she blends together indie rock and country scratches an itch for me; and much like in her album preceding this one, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood, Middle Cyclone demonstrates Neko's incredible lyricism, particularly her ability to convey emotional rawness and human vulnerability in such a straightforward, yet eloquently profound way. Given that this is also what I would consider Neko Case's most accessible album, I would highly recommend anyone who hasn't already listened to her work to check this album out - especially if you're a fan of artists like Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus, or Adrienne Lenker who I think all owe a part of their sound and success to her. 8/10

3. In My Own Time - Karen Dalton is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated artists of the 60s and 70s and deserves more recognition than what she gets. Only the second album she ever released in her lifetime, there's something especially pleasant about her different covers of these songs (Yes, this is a covers album - Karen didn't really write or record original material). It makes me feel like I am sitting in a living room in a house on the countryside watching the snow fall in the winter or the leave rustling in the breeze in the summer. Not to mention that Karen has a beautiful alto voice. I actually like some of these covers better than their original versions. If you're looking for late sixties/early seventies folk music to listen to, I would recommend checking this album out. 9/10

4. Fantasies - Metric is a band that has been on my radar for a while now, but for some reason, I haven't gone out of my way to listen to any of their albums in full until now. All of the tracks go pretty hard, and I really like Emily Haines' voice. My favorite band Paramore cited Metric as an influence for their most recent album This Is Why, and I can definitely see where they were inspired. If any of you like Paramore or Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I would definitely give this album a listen. 7/10

5. Titanic Rising - This album sounds like walking through an antique store that is faintly playing old obscure 80s music on its loudspeakers as you gaze over the various items decorating each "room" in the store, the scent of vintage goods and old wood wafting through the air. Weyes Blood's voice reminds me of a cross between Eurhythmics' Annie Lennox and Enya, and the instrumentation and production on this album are stunningly beautiful. I was worried going into this album that I wouldn't be able to get into it because the tracks are all on the slower side in terms of tempo, but I actually found myself liking this one a lot. 9/10

6. Color Me Country - Linda Martell is an important figure in country music history who, despite her significance and the barriers she helped break down for black artists in the genre, has been oft forgotten. The first black artist in history to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, she only ever released one studio album - Color Me Country, in 1970. The album consists of pretty standard country music that was common at the time, with lyrical subject matter typical of the genre - but just because an album isn't sonically pushing the envelope, doesn't mean that it can't be good. I don't know what it was, but something lit up in me listening to this album and I really enjoyed what I heard. It makes me wonder what else she would have done had she continued her music career and released more material. Either way, this is a wonderful album from an incredible woman who deserves a lot more attention to her work. 7/10

7. 3D Country - This album sounds like a fusion between The Rolling Stones and Queen and I'm kind of living for it. It's genuinely good, fun, classic-styled rock music that doesn't take itself too seriously and has some really unique qualities to it. St. Elmo has been stuck in my head ever since I first heard it, and little embellishments like the harp on the title track really give this album its own personality. If you're somebody who primarily listens to older music who wants to try something newer or are just looking for more rock bands to get into, I recommend giving this album a try. 8/10

8. Atlanta Millionaires Club - Did you know that Faye Webster and I are the same age? I'm so used to artists either being older or younger than me that seeing someone around my age making music is both surprising and refreshing to me at the same time. This might be part of the reason why I clicked with this album a bit better than some of the other ones that I listened to this last month - Faye and I are in kind of the same place in life and due to us being the same age, and we probably share a similar perspective and experiences. It also helps that Faye is an adroit lyricist, and the chill indie rock instrumentation suits her voice well. The only issue that I have with this album is that the track Flowers near the end sounds jarring given how different it is from the rest of the album. 8/10

9. When We Were That What Wept for the Sea - This album gaslit me into thinking I have synesthesia. No really, I'm serious - I listened to this album while driving at night and I remember during the beginning of either Infliction or Passage I started smelling freshly brewed coffee. I didn't have any coffee in the car with me and I was not in an area where there would be any coffee brewing nearby. It was wild. And then after that it started smelling like the produce section of a grocery store in the beginning of the second half of the album. Anyways, this experimental ambient album by saxophonist Colin Stetson was really interesting to listen to and there are a lot of cool details scattered throughout each song. It wasn't what I was expecting at all, but it was a pleasant surprise. It would probably pair well with the flute album Andre 3000 put out last year. 8/10

10. Marquee Moon - This is a classic album that I see getting a ton of praise, so I figured I would give it a listen. It's a pretty good album, although the tracks sound a little bit samey at times. The two songs that stand out to me are Venus and the title track. 7/10

11. In Colour - The only solo album (As of right now) from The xx member Jamie xx makes for a fairly pleasant listening experience. Jamie seems to be veering slightly away from the indie rock elements of The xx's work and more into electronic and pop, incorporating some hip-hop influences along the way. The featured appearances all fit in nicely, and the album overall sounds like the chill cousin of Daft Punk's Homework. 8/10

12. Heaven or Las Vegas - Please don't take me ranking this album last as some indication that I don't like it. I actually enjoyed it - albeit think that it's overrated. The number of people that I have seen praising this album and talking about how great it is made me think that it was going to be some amazing, mind-altering experience to listen to, but it was really a series of (Super short) shoegaze-y pop tracks that are just good. I don't really get why people hype up Cocteau Twins so much. You would think that they invented sliced bread with the way some people talk about them. 7/10

So far, I've really been enjoying most of the albums that I listen to. I have a few albums in mind that I plan to listen to in full in February, but again, if anyone wants to recommend me anything, you are always welcome to leave a comment. :)

#music #albums #album ranking #sloppy jane #neko case #karen dalton #metric band #weyes blood #linda martell #geese band #faye webster #colin stetson #television band #jamie xx #cocteau twins #january

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