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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 11 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 5

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC Smut Warning

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Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “You couldn’t stop thinking about apologizing or kissing me?"

On Wednesday, I awoke when my alarm went off. Did I sleep through his alarms today? I must have been out of it. I was hot and sweaty. I felt like I had been dreaming but couldn’t recall what it was about. I groggily headed toward the shower. I stood under the hot shower stream longer than I probably should have before I started to wash my hair. I was moving slowly through my entire routine. I felt like I had a mild hangover and was not looking forward to the workday.

As I was digging through my clothes, I realized all the undergarments that I had left were a little too sexy in nature and not the most comfortable. I silently cursed myself for letting Lauren help me pack, even though me doing it alone most likely would have resulted in a panic attack. I sighed to myself, settling on a lacy white set that was the least offensive, then I got dressed. Today it was black fitted high waisted palazzo pants that zipped up the back, a matching blazer, and light pink sleeveless blouse with a lace trimmed white Cami underneath. I pulled my straightened hair back into my usual low bun. I actually felt cute today. The pants hugged me in all the right places and gave me a little confidence boost that helped improve my mood. I was barely ready on time and had to hurry downstairs to meet Joe. As usual, he met me with coffee and scone in hand. I was thankful for it this morning.

I was surprised to not find Megan waiting for me when I arrived. I momentarily wondered if I would have any issues entering the building, but once I reached the security checkpoint, they told me to go through without checking my bag or requiring that I go through the metal detector. All I could do was shake my head as I walked toward the elevator.

When the elevator doors opened to the correct floor, Megan was standing there, looking very impatient. I smiled at her as I exited the elevator and asked if everything was ok.

“Yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to meet you this morning. I was just on my way down. I was having some trouble getting the printer moved to the secondary conference room for you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I don’t expect you to meet me every morning. I think I can find my way now.” I gave her a reassuring smile, hoping it might help her relax some.

“So today should be fun. I am going to start running data checks. There is a possibility I may need a second set of eyes or hands.”

“Sounds good. I’m really excited about this part. I am curious to see how all this works. I think it’s fascinating.”

“Well, I think you may be the first to ever say that. Most people want no part of it.”

Megan led me to the secondary conference room that required ID scan entry. It was a large space that housed an executive style table that took up most of the room, but it was all slightly smaller than the first one we met in. I started getting set up and laid some of my paperwork out across the table. There was a method to my madness that did unfortunately involve killing some trees. I am a very visual person, so a lot of the time it helps me to lay things out instead of switching between multiple windows on a small laptop screen.

My first step was to start running some of the unaltered data download spreadsheets through a program that compared data from multiple servers and also checked for data irregularities and notable patterns. It could be a slow and tedious process depending on the size of the data load and looking at the past six years’ worth of information was a lot.

About two and a half hours in, while processing the financial data, something caught my attention. During each payment period, there was always one account outlier in the losses column. The same account never had consecutive losses within that range. I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline, convinced this could be something.

I pulled up the profit and loss statement report pdfs that I had reviewed earlier in the week. It hadn’t been completely obvious to me at that point because of the way they were presented. I hit print. Once they were finished printing, I called for Megan to bring some tape and to come assist me. I had her sort them out by year. Then I asked her to hang them on the wall alphabetically by account name then in the order of the month and date. I also had her highlight the outliers on each report. She initially looked at me like I was crazy but didn’t question it. She did as I asked. I alternated between helping her and setting more data to run through my software. By the time we were finished, almost all four walls were completely covered in these reports. I stood back, staring at them. Trying to figure out how to piece it all together.

I grabbed a pen and started writing large visible numbers on the reports in the order that the outliers occurred. There was one full cycle of the spike in losses for each account. No repeats. I stepped back again, staring at it with a half grin on my face while shaking my head.

“Megan, would you mind letting Mr. Carrington know that I will not be available for lunch today please. I think I’ve just found something that needs my attention.”

Megan looked at me, wide-eyed. She nodded before walking out of the room. She returned several minutes later, eager to help. We both went through numbering each cycle for the outliers. It was the same every time. One full cycle through the accounts with no repeats before it started over. However, each cycle had a different order.

I sat down in a rolling chair, turning in circles to look around the room. What now? There had to be more. I leaned my head back as I rubbed my hands down my face, trying to think. Megan excused herself to go grab our lunch delivery. I figured this might be a good time to take a bathroom break. When I rounded the corner walking to the bathroom, I passed Jay Brooks. He gave me a polite hello but didn’t stop to chat. His demeanor seemed off. I had a suspicious feeling about him.

When I got back from the bathroom, Megan had returned with our lunch. As soon as I walked toward her, she leaned into me while looking around slightly paranoid. She started speaking quietly.

“So, it may be nothing, but when I was coming back, I saw Mr. Brooks attempting to swipe into this room. He never uses this room for anything.”

“That is interesting indeed. Let’s get back to work.”

We both ate while we stared at the walls. There was something about the changes in the numbers.

“I think I have an idea,” I said rather loudly as I dropped my food down on the table, causing Megan to jump. I grabbed my laptop and made a copy of the financial data spreadsheet. I quickly removed all the losses marked as outliers and moved those over to another excel tab. I went through and got the average losses for each year. Then, I went to the other tab and deducted those corresponding year’s average from each of the outliers. What I was left with literally had me bursting out in laughter.

“What a fucking idiot.”

“What is it?”

“When I account for the average losses across all accounts for that year and minor fluctuations, then subtract them from these outliers, I get basically the same difference for each account. These first two years, it’s a one-point five percent spike. It went up to two percent for a few years and it’s now holding steady at two-point five percent each time one spikes. It’s statistically impossible for that to be happening naturally for that many accounts.”

I wasn’t sure if Megan followed any of that. It was a lot to process. She just stared at me, wide-eyed before speaking.

“So, what you're saying is, someone is skimming a specific percentage from one account at a time on a rotation? Which would cause a spike in the losses, right?”

“You got it. He got greedy and started raising that percentage which made it even more obvious this last little bit. I can’t believe the accountant didn’t catch this.”

“I don’t think the accountant checked all the accounts because there are so many. He randomly picked them and asked for that specific data.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Megan gave me a serious look as she shook her head. That would most likely be why it wasn’t caught.

Now I had proof that malicious activity was happening, I just had to figure out how. I quickly looked back through all the audit trails relating to Mr. Brook’s accounts. There was nothing there. Everything looked legitimate.

“Can you ask the head of the IT department if he is available to see me, please?”

“Of course,” Megan said as she went to make the call.

Several minutes later, I knocked on Sam’s door. He called out for me to come in. I inquired about who has access to the mainframe and about security for that room. Sam said there were currently no cameras pointing directly at the entry door to that room, but there were some on adjoining hallways.

I realized there are also bathrooms on the same hallway as that space, so it would be hard to say definitively that someone was going into the mainframe room based on the camera footage.

I then had Sam pull up a list of IP addresses that had accessed specific data files on the mainframe, he noted that it was only the mainframe workstation listed to run scheduled automated jobs, most being done late in the evening.

“Sam, who has access to the mainframe workstation?”

“Technically, all the Senior level staff. Their ID card will get them in the room, and they have the admin credentials.”

“Seriously? Why?” I didn’t even give him a chance to answer before continuing.

“You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter at this point. Can you get me room access information for the last six months and the automated job schedules by tomorrow please?

“Of course, I can. Anything else?”

“No, that’s it for now. Thank you.”

I left Sam’s office and walked back to the secondary conference room. I found Mr. Carrington and Megan there. Mr. Carrington’s face showed confusion as he looked around the room. I started to walk him through today’s discoveries, his confusion turned to aww. He said that he was impressed with my unconventional methods. Laughing as he looked around the room.

“I don’t want to leave this up overnight in case someone gets in here,” he stated.

“Of course. I had planned to take pictures and shred everything before I leave.”

“I’ll let you get to it then. Megan, please help her dispose of this after she’s done.”

Megan gave a slight nod as I moved to pull out my high-definition professional camera from my bag. I methodically started taking pictures of small sections of the walls. As I would finish with one section, Megan would pull them down and shred them. We finished just as it was time to call it quits for the day. She and I were both feeling worn out as the adrenaline started to wear off, but we were still excited by what we had accomplished. We said our goodbyes, then I headed downstairs to meet Joe.

It was close to six when Joe pulled up in front of the hotel. I felt giddy from today’s discoveries and anxious to see Dieter. Joe parked the car and opened my door, giving me his usual spiel. I quickly made my way inside and grabbed the back corner booth in the restaurant. I took off my blazer as I sat down because I was feeling hot suddenly. Bartender Tim made his way over and asked what I would be having. I asked for some mozzarella sticks and opted for a fruity mixed drink rather than wine and water. I had a good day, so I was feeling something a little extra. I pulled out my laptop to work on my report and looked through a few more datasets while I waited.

About forty-five minutes later, Dieter came in through the front entrance. I didn’t even have to see him to know. I could literally feel him. I looked up as he was walking into the restaurant. Our eyes focused on each other. The biggest smile spread across his face as he approached the booth. He was wearing dark colored jeans and a fitted white t-shirt, both of which were hugging him in ways that should be illegal. His hair was messy, hanging down over his forehead and he was wearing the black rimmed glasses. He was also still sporting just a hint of facial hair. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to control myself. The glasses were taking it over the top. He looked like he had had a good day. Hopefully that meant he got the news he had been waiting for.

He slid into the booth, still smiling with the sweetest look on his face. His energy was infectious. He turned to face me, took a deep breath, and said, “I got the part!”

I did a little clap, and I stomped my feet simultaneously. I was excited for him. I leaned toward him and gave him a side hug and a small rub on his back as I said congratulations. Yeah, I was shamelessly flirting with this guy again. Clearly, I was already feeling the effects from my mixed drink.

He put in his order with bartender Tim. He too ordered a mixed drink and another round of mozzarella sticks. He asked how my day had gone and I shared the new developments. Excited that I was finally on to something. He was full of questions and wanted to know every little detail as to how I had figured things out. He finished his drink off quickly as he listened.

“I think you literally just blew my mind. You’re too fucking smart.” he said with a laugh and shook his head in disbelief as he leaned back against the booth.

“Not really, the computer does most of the work for me. The rest is just recognizing patterns and reasoning.” I said, taking another sip of my drink.

“However, please feel free to continue to stroke my ego. I won’t argue too much.”

His eyes met mine and he continued to chuckle at my response. There was a look in his eyes that was unreadable. We sat staring at each other for a moment. His eyes briefly dropped down to my mouth as I bit my bottom lip, then down to his drink. He adjusted in his seat. Then, rubbed his left thumb across his bottom lip and down the side of his face before resting it on his right shoulder, giving it a small squeeze as he exhaled. I continued to look at him a moment longer. He looked slightly flushed. The energy between us had shifted. It was electric. At that moment, I knew tonight was going to be interesting and I was one hundred percent on board with it. I basically gave up any sense of control I was holding on to. It was one of my few “fuck it” moments that I was probably going to regret, and again, I didn’t event care.

I interrupted the silence, “We should get a shot to celebrate. We both had success today.”

He laughed at my enthusiasm and agreed. I slid out of the booth and asked him what he wanted. He opted for a shot of whisky. I walked up to the bar to get Tim’s attention and asked for two shots of whisky. As I waited, I could see Dieter’s reflection in the mirror behind the bar. He definitely looked me up and down, then quickly looked away. The pants I wore today were a good choice I thought to myself as bartender Tim passed me the shots.

I sat back down with the drinks; we clinked the glasses together before downing them. We continued chatting for a while about anything and everything. Movies, books, music, all the typical topics. Playfully arguing with each other when we disagreed on something. Both of us sneaking in brief touches here and there. I had shifted to face him in the booth, with my leg bent up on the seat. He kept touching my thigh when he would laugh about something I said. Even giving a gentle squeeze occasionally. It was taking my mind to places it shouldn’t be. I could feel the tension between us building.

Around ten o’clock, my phone buzzed on the table. It was Lauren. One short message asking how tonight went. I didn’t answer. She was going to be pissed at me. I looked at the time.

“Oh, it's nearly ten o’clock. Geez, that was fast. I guess they’ll be closing soon.”

I sat my phone back on the table. Feeling disappointed. Dieter looked a little disappointed too.

“Time flies when you're having fun I guess,” he said as he finished off his latest drink. I finished off mine too. We settled our bill, then we both stood, making sure we had all our things. I grabbed a mozzarella stick and stuck it in my mouth as I walked in front of him toward the exit. He started laughing at me and shaking his head. I wasn’t completely drunk, but I still had a good buzz going at this point. Completely at ease and enjoying myself. I hadn’t really been like this in years. It was kind of nice to let loose if I was being honest.

We both got on the elevator. Being in such close quarters had my nerve endings on fire while the smell of his cologne wafted around me. My head felt foggy. It took us a minute to realize that neither of us had hit the number for our floor. We looked at each other and started laughing as he reached over to hit the number 9. He backed into the corner next to me, our arms touching. The elevator jerked as it started its ascent, causing me to stumble on my unsteady feet and fall against him. The length of our bodies touching as he caught me from falling. We both froze momentarily. I looked up at him to give my apologies, but no words left my mouth. My eyes dropped to his lips. He leaned in halfway and stopped with a questioning look on his face. I closed the distance between us and kissed him. I reached up and put my hands on the back of his neck, giving his hair a little tug as we both deepened the kiss. His hands tightened around my waist, pulling me in closer.

We broke apart when the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Staring at each other, wide-eyed. I think we were both in shock over what just happened. I gave him a shy smile and walked past him down the hallway toward my suite. My fingers over my lips the whole way. The heat from his lips, still present. I could feel him following closely behind me. I caught his reflection in the glass of a picture frame at the end of the hall as we approached our suites. He had his hands in his pockets and was watching me with a hint of a smile on his face.

We reached his door first. I took a deep breath before I turned around to tell him good night. He was looking at me intently. His eyes were unreadable. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something but stopped. He reached up to push a stray piece of hair out of my face that had fallen loose at some point and then smiled.

“I should be free tomorrow evening if you want to hang out again…I know it’s your last day here, so feel free to tell me no, if you have other plans.”

I smiled, “No, no other plans. I’ll be right here. In the hotel, I mean.”

My eyes shifted down, realizing my brain was failing me as he kept looking at me. All I could think about doing was dragging him into my room. I shook my head to clear it and smiled, telling him good night and that I would see him the following day. Reaching out to squeeze his hand as I said it. Then I turned and walked to my door without looking back. It was a second before I heard his key card in the lock. I caught a glimpse of his back as he entered his suite.

I walked into my suite, setting my things down on the couch. I stood in place for a minute. Staring at nothing as I tried to process what happened. I decided to get ready for bed and try to decompress. I pulled my blouse and shoes off, then walked into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth. I took my hair down. It fell in soft dark waves around my shoulders. I stared at myself in the mirror, noticing that my pupils were dilated. I laughed at myself. This was absurd. I could not believe how I had acted this evening. It was a sobering moment and I felt like I was past whatever had come over me by that point. I just needed to be away from him to gather my thoughts.

As I was digging through my suitcase for some pajamas, I heard a light knock on the door. I stood there for a moment, confused. It didn’t sound like it was the main door. Another knock. It was at the door adjoining mine and Dieter’s suites. My stomach did a flip once I realized it.

I walked into the bedroom and opened my side. Dieter was standing there, with his arm propped on the door frame above his head. He was wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt. Skin showing just below the hem of his shirt from where his arm was raised. My eyes lingered there before meeting his. I was certain that he noticed. He took his arm down and rubbed his thumb down the side of his lips as he hesitated to speak, eyeing me. I leaned on the opposite side of the door frame waiting for him to say something.

“I’m sorry, I-I.. shouldn’t have bothered you. I…just wanted to apologize for earlier. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and…”

“You couldn’t’ stop thinking about apologizing or kissing me?”

He stopped, realizing what he had said. He was trying to read my face, looking for the correct answer. I wasn’t giving him anything to go by. I wanted to know what he was really thinking.

He hesitated, “I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you. I have been all week.”

He braced for my response. His eyebrows knitted together with a determined, but worried look. His chocolate eyes searched my face. That was all I needed to hear. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. Our lips crashed together. He took a few steps toward me as I put my back flat against the wall. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me up against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, running a hand through his hair and again tugging it gently. He groaned into my mouth, and I could feel his excitement pressing against me. Any control that I thought I regained over myself was gone.

I lowered my hands to the hem of his shirt, tugging to pull it off. He stopped kissing me to pull it over his head. My eyes took him in. His torso was toned but not overly muscular. His shoulders were broader than I realized and his arms well defined. He pulled me back to him. His hands were in my hair, then he reached down to pull my Cami off. He briefly stopped, “Is this ok?” he whispered before continuing. I let out a breathy yes, reminding myself to thank Lauren later for throwing in the sexy bra and panty sets even though I cursed her for it earlier in the day. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he kissed down my neck, lifting me off the floor slightly to walk toward the bed. After he placed me back on the ground, I reached down to palm him through his shorts, and he groaned into my mouth again. He reached for the front of my pants, not finding what he was looking for. He pulled away for a minute, looking down.

“How the hell do you get these things off?”

I started laughing as I turned around tugging at the zipper. He grabbed my hips, clearly admiring the view for a moment before trying to help me undo the zipper. In my haste to pull it down, I got it caught on the fabric. We both started laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Fuck it. Rip them.” I said through my exasperated laughs.

“This might as well be a damn chastity belt,” he said through his laughter as he gave a good tug, pulling me backward slightly.

The zipper finally popped loose. He sighed in relief as he pulled my back against his chest. Pulling my hair out of the way to kiss down my neck. I grinded my backside into him as he went to stick his hand down the front of my pants. Again, he paused asking if it was ok before continuing. I managed to squeak out another yes. He continued, rubbing my sensitive area, and feeling the wetness that was forming. My entire body was electrified. Honestly, I hadn’t felt this aroused or alive in years. Clearly, I had been missing out.

He pulled his hand out and slid my pants and panties down my legs. Then he moved to undo my bra, sliding it down my arms slowly. I turned around and reached for his shorts, but hesitated. I felt like I was in foreign territory. I hadn’t been with anyone but my ex-husband in so long. I started to doubt myself and I was unsure of how to do this. Damn my intrusive thoughts.

He caught my eyes with his, sensing my hesitation.

“We can stop if…”

“No, I just haven’t done this in a while. I feel a little out of practice.” I gave a half smile and a one shoulder shrug.

He reached for my face, kissing me gently.

“I think you are doing perfectly fine. Just don’t think about that.”

As his chocolate brown eyes stared into mine, I felt my confidence return and pulled his shorts down. He didn’t have anything underneath. I glanced down. He was definitely excited and above average in size, I assumed anyway. I didn’t have a lot to compare to. He pulled me back to him and started kissing me again. Geez, he was such a good kisser. I was never one for making out in the past, but the way his tongue moved with mine was igniting a blaze in me. I couldn’t get enough of him. I reached down and started stroking him. He sucked in air through his teeth, leaning his head back at the feeling.

I paused and his eyes snapped to mine. Concern etched his face.

“Do you have a condom? I’m… I’m not on anything…”

He paused before answering me, like he was trying to decide how to answer.

“I-I had a vasectomy…but I haven’t been with anyone in a very long time.”

He looked apprehensive while he waited for my response. Honestly, I was a little shocked. It wasn’t the response I was expecting. I would have to pack that away to process later.

“Oh...ok then. Me too. I mean, I haven’t been with anyone in a long time either.” I said, shaking my head up and down.

I could see the relief on his face. We gave each other awkward smiles and I started kissing him again. I was determined to be in the moment and not in my head worrying about every little detail.

Dieter backed me up to the bed. When it hit the back of my legs, I sat down and started to crawl backwards. He followed, hovering over me and kissing as we went. Once I settled, he was everywhere. Kissing, sucking, and touching every inch of me. He started working his way down and paused as he felt me tense.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said as I grasped onto his hand. He looked at me with questioning eyes.

“It’s just…that’s never really done anything for me.”

“Then clearly someone didn’t know what they were doing. Relax and let me have a go at it.”

He gave me a mischievous grin and started sucking on the inside of my thigh. I gave him a small smile and nodded for him to continue.

As soon as he put his mouth on me, a loud moan escaped my lips. Maybe he was right. It didn’t take long for me to reach my peak. It was easily the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced. A high that I had never reached.

Dieter crawled back up to hover over me, looking pleased with himself.

“Ok, you were right. Someone didn’t know what they were doing.”

He laughed at my declaration as I started to kiss him again. I could taste myself on him. We grinded against each other. After a moment, he reached down to line himself up at my entrance. He paused looking at me for permission. I resumed kissing him and bucked my hips up for him to continue. He went slow at first, giving me the chance to adjust to his size.

Once we got into a rhythm, we were fueled by pure need. Our bodies saying what our words failed to. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Our hands and lips were everywhere, sucking and caressing. My entire body felt like it was burning with want. It had never been like this for me before. I gave myself over completely. I could feel that familiar burn building again as I climaxed for a second time that evening. Dieter nipped my jawline and kissed down my neck as I arched my back through it. Once I started to come down, he grabbed my leg, just behind my knee and raised it to change the angle. I could feel the burn building again as my muscles started to contract around him for the third time.

“I’m about to…” he trailed off through his heavy breathing. He placed his forehead against mine and I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist while we both tensed from our releases.

He sat there unmoving for several minutes. We both attempted to get our breathing under control in between the deep sensual kisses we shared. We were both covered in sweat and trembling from the exertion. He rubbed his nose against mine and gave me one last peck on the lips before he rolled off to lay beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.

“That was…unexpected,” he said once his breathing had calmed down.

“It was. I’m not complaining.”

Dieter laughed while he twirled my hair in his fingers.

“I think I need something to drink,” I said as I laid there, unmoving. He moved to get up, agreeing that he did too. I told him I had water in the fridge. I shamelessly admired his backside as he walked out of the room.

He came back quickly, turning all the lights off as he went. He handed me a bottle of water then pulled the blanket back and climbed in covering us both up. We both downed a significant amount of water before setting the bottles on the nightstands. He scooted down in the bed onto his left side and pulled me over to him. My back to his chest. He wrapped his right arm around me with his left bent back under his head and nuzzled his face into my hair. I laced my fingers into his right hand, pulling his arm tighter around me while our legs tangled together.

For the first time in a long time, I felt content. I felt safe and unjudged. I decided I would let myself enjoy the moment and worry about consequences later. I just wanted to be happy and without worry for once. Even if it was only for one night.

I noticed his breathing shifted to slow, steady breaths. He had fallen asleep. I further relaxed into the warmth of his embrace, letting sleep take me too.

At some point in the middle of the night, I felt his foot slide down my leg, then he hugged me a little tighter. I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. He didn’t seem to be. At least not all of him. I stretched my stiff muscles, pushing my backside into him as I did so, feeling the hardness press into me. I did a little wiggle and he groaned into my ear, burying his head into the crook of my neck. His fingers tightened in mine. He was definitely awake now.

I turned my head toward him, our lips meeting. It was slow and sensual. His hand made its way down to my core where he started working his magic with his fingers. I was panting and reached my peak quickly. He slid his hand down to my thigh, repositioning my leg. Then he propped himself up on his left arm to position himself and enter me from behind. He laid back down, wrapping both arms around me, then began moving, very slowly. We both groaned at the feeling. This position was a new experience for me. The angle hitting pleasure spots I didn’t know existed.

His right hand alternated between roaming my body and grasping my hip to pull me back to him. My head was laying in the crook of his left arm, his left hand bent up, tangling in my hair while I turned to kiss him. I threaded my right hand through his hair, grasping it tightly causing a deep groan from him. He would switch between fast and slow thrust to prolong the experience. When he felt my body begin to tense, he picked up the pace and we both reached our high together, letting out pants and moans as we rode it out.

We melted into each other as our breathing slowed. He continued to place random kisses down my neck and nuzzled back into my hair.

“Why are you so fucking amazing.”

It was a statement. Not a question. I laughed at him.

“Can we just stay here, like this, and forget the rest of the world exists?” He said with his face buried in my neck. I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that.”

I started lightly rubbing his right arm, which was still wrapped around me. Within minutes he was asleep again. For a minute, I dared to wonder what it would be like to wake up with him every morning. To be in a relationship with him. He was so attentive and caring. The opposite of what I had before. Is that something I was even capable of right now? Emotionally I was kind of a mess. Not to mention the psychological effects of what I had been through. I quickly dismissed that train of thought. I was getting ahead of myself. As far as I was concerned, this was just a fling. I’d most likely never see him again after this week anyway. I eventually dozed off into a deep sleep.

A/N: More spice coming in the next chapter. 😉

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justahawkinsgirl · 2 years

Text

Panic ~ RAB

Pairing: Regulus Black x gn!reader

Story: You get a panic attack and Regulus sits with you through it.

TW: Panic attack, mild panic attack

A/N: This is very short. A little comfort fic.

Word count: 611

~~~~~

You didn’t know why it happened but it came and you only noticed it when it was too late. You were having a mild panic attack. But you know it was going to increase, especially as you were walking in the corridors filled with students.

Classes were just over and every student was bursting with energy seeing it was finally weekend.

You felt their bodies press against you as they bumped into you. You tried to breath in and out as your hand tightens around the strap of your shoulder trap.

You almost sprint to your common room. Snapping at some people to let you through. As you walk into your house’s common room you see how crowded it is there too.

You begin to panic even more and quickly get oir of there, back to the corridors. You run outside hoping the cold air could calm you down. You sit down on one of the benches and lean your head in your hands trying to calm your mind.

‘Y/N?’ You look up to see Regulus walking to you. ‘Are you okay?’

You sit up straighter and gesture he shouldn’t come closer. ‘Please, don’t come too close.’

He nods and stops a few steps from where you’re sitting. He didn’t want to put more stress on you but also didn’t want to be too far in case you really needed help.

You’d known each other since the start of your Hogwarts years. You were a year older and were friends with the marauders. It was through them that you knew of Regulus. In the beginning you both just smiled at each other as you crossed ways.

It was only after three years you had a conversation with the younger Black. And since then you two started getting along. Maybe even more than Sirius and James.

You were in your seventh year now and Regulus in his sixth so you knew each other so well by now that when one of you wasn't anywhere to find people came to the other to ask where they could find you or Regulus. Regulus knew you like his astrology charts and you knew him as your books.

Which is why Remus went to Regulus when he had seen you walking through the corridors in this state.

'What happened?' Regulus asks, squating down in front of you.

'I don't know. It just happened.' You were able to breath somewhat normal again but you were still shivering.

'That's okay. It'll go over.' You nod stretching out your arm to him. He takes your hand in his. Regulus gets up and sits down besides you.

You let your head lay on his shoulder and he puts his free arm around you. You concentrate on his breathing and try to mimic it. He begins to run a head through your hair, unknowingly soothing the headache you had.

After a few minutes you felt it was over. But you still stayed leaned against him. It brought you comfort. Regulus didn't stop massaging your scalp nor did he let go of your hand.

'You hungry?' He asks and leans back to be able to meet your eyes as you look up at him.

You smile and nod. 'Come on.' He stands up and pulls you with him.

'We'll eat in an hour.' You say looking at the grand clock.

Regulus smirks at you as he begins to run. You stumble after him, laughing when you almost fall a few times.

'See? you're so famished you almost cannot stand.' Regulus pulls you against his side to give you a side hug.

'Thank you.' You mumble against his shoulder.

'Anytime, mon ange.'

#regulus black #regulus black fic #regulus black x yn #regulus black x gn!reader #regulus black fanfiction #regulus arcturus black #regulus black x reader

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protokirby · 11 months

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I had some weird nightmare experience and then an equally weird waking up experience

The nightmare started with one of my family members finding a golden eagle. It had a collar and contact information so apparently it was being kept as a pet. So the number was called. A seemingly nice family came over to pick it up and stayed to chat before revealing their true nature. These folks, parents and two children, were actually murderers. They let the eagle loose in order to choose their targets based on who contacts them. The four of them all had an obsession with snapping people's necks to kill. Dunno why they never went after each other. I spent the dream trying to be the one they killed next because I'm emo. It was difficult because everyone was running and scattered. Eventually it came to where the only remaining victims alive were me and mom and one of the murders was about to go for me and I was saying stuff like "please make it quick I've been wanting the sweet escape for a long time" except it was interrupted by the sky turning gray. No sun, no clouds. Just covered in gray. It was dark for a few seconds but then the sky was illuminated by flashing icons of the flags of every country. And this wave of holographic-looking flags was disintegrated everything in its slow moving path. I don't even know how to identify country flags and stuff. And yet every single flag of every single country was there one a path of destruction. The dream told me it was a nuclear explosion but I don't think they look anything like that do they? The part with the entire sky turning gray and dark I mean. Anyhoo, this was an interruption and everyone was just staring while I was pleading with the murderer to just hurry up.

I woke up before the wave hit. and the room was colder than anything I have ever experienced. Like- I live in a hot climate and the summers get so hot people die. I rarely see snow. It only snows around every 10 years where I live, although a few years ago it snowed heavily. The snowfall was unlike anything the entire area had seen. I got frostbite for the first and only time then.

So as I was saying, it was colder than anything I've ever felt before when I woke up. It's summer time so this shouldn't be happening. I don't keep the air conditioner on when I sleep but this wouldn't have happened even if I did.

The cold was so severe I couldn't even move for several minutes. All my hair was up and I was stiff. I had some kind of mild panic attack when I realized I wasn't able to move. I stayed silent throughout all this, because I'm just weird like that.

I was praying in my head and then after what felt like 10 minutes, I was able to move and calm down, but it was still night and with that bizarre nightmare I was too scared to get out of bed so I decided to go back to sleep and so I did. I slept until noon and have been feeling weird since I woke up.

What was all that?

Later I talked to mom about this dream, but only because I asked out loud if anyone else got cold in the night. Nobody did. Everyone was confused and then I was forced to explain stuff(hence why I'm usually quiet about everything to my family) and mom wondered what the odds are it was a prophetic dream. With how the world is, who even knows at this point. I've had prophetic dreams before, which is why whenever I have a pyrophobia triggering nightmare, I'm messed up for weeks.

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chaotic-bean-of-smolness · 9 months

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I am become death, destroyer of worlds...

It's a quote I've heard a handful of times throughout my schooling. J Robert Oppenheimer... a man I knew little about. I, of course, knew the basics: invented the atom bomb, later regretted what he had done, communists, awards, etcetera, etcetera. What I never really focused on, was the meaning behind that haunting quote... until today.

I went to go see Oppenheimer (2023) on August 3rd. What was meant to be a moment of peace from my life morphed into a mild existential crisis. One of many in my life I admit but this one was different somehow.

I did not take the opportunity to go to college when I got out of high school. I may someday, but for right now, I'm not ready. I decided a while back that I needed to work on myself before I made any sort of decision like that. It is a big decision, after all.

Since then, I've worked many retail jobs. My first was a pool store. Simple enough. Telling people to put more chlorine in their pools every day and admittedly staring at my cute coworker that I would later start a relationship with. However, it was my first real-life exposure to how my actions could have major consequences.

As part of New York and / or Federal law, homeland security would test us. Try to buy a massive amount of acid and other chemicals and see if we would flag them on it. Thank God I wasn't present for that one cause I think I would have had a panic attack.

At my third job, working at Home Depot as a head cashier, I was shown a picture of a cart that an associate at another store flagged. It's contents were materials that could be used to make a pipe bomb. A big one at that. It didn't happen to me though so it became just another thought. Something that would never happen to me.

Today, though, I thought about it. What could have happened if I fucked up? That I could have been responsible for hurting or even killing others just because I wasn't paying attention.

Looking back, I know I could be responsible for many things that happened in the time I worked at those companies. Crime is not something that wasn't heard of in my town. In fact I know of one incident that was caused, allegedly, with items that were bought at home depot while I was working there.

I am in no way comparing my feelings to how Oppenheimer felt. My responsibilities are in no way comparable to his. If I fuck up maybe a few people get hurt or a fire starts. If he fucked up, everyone in the world or at least in Los Alamos during the time of the Manhattan Project were dead. A bit more of an oopsie.

It made me think though about how messed up our world has really become. I mean, everyone knows that. Death in mass amounts is reported on every single day. Has been for decades now. But it's just something we've lived with... Wasn't something I really thought about anymore. Just a fact of life.

After all he had done, Oppenheimer believed that even though his atom bomb was a success, that he still destroyed the world... He did. The world has become death, destroyed forever.

#oppenheimer #nuclear #atomic bomb #me #rant #review #movie review #movie

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ephemeral-sorrow · 2 years

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family life with 21 year old!twelve [part 1]

okay, i imagine this as some kind of a happy ending AU, where twelve doesn't get shot by american snipers and sphinx manage to bring charges against the japanese government without being captured.

however, this path would take two significant turns, depending on whether nine survives his illness or not.

if his health isn't completely destroyed by the drug: let's bravely and responsibly face the fact that both nine's body and mind needed profound rest, given how long he suffered and endured the after-effects of the medicine the scientists forcibly injected him. he stubbornly ignored his condition in order to finally reach his and twelve's goal and make institutions of such kind exposed to light. being so mentally strenuous only added fuel to the deadly embers.

after the whole ordeal was over and shibazaki attracted the public attention, sphinx alongside you went into hiding, spectating the long-awaited occurence with a strange feeling of solitude. as if... all of it was rushing past you three in a swift motion. the world drowned in the informational uproar, making you wonder whether you truly once were in the centre of it all.

the first priority was to get nine tended to. his panic attacks worsened during the operation he conducted on his own, so you and twelve had no choice but to find a way to get a proper treatment for him.

for the sake of this canon, let's accept the idea of nine not revealing his face in the final video. provided with that, you managed to change your identities and get new documents without much effort, as you did all the time in the past. not wasting any time, you found a high-level clinic in the outskirts of tokyo and had nine accepted. later on, during passing months you visited him regularly and made sure he was indeed getting better. after discharging, the three of you once again went back to living under the same roof. after everything you went through, it was... extremely necessary for your group to stick together and think about the possible future. you didn't imagine your life to be separate.

if nine dies after handing over the detonator to shibazaki: twelve mourned for his friend like a wounded crow that lost its faithful companion. you did your best to comfort him and provide as much warmth and support as possible, all the while suppressing the tears of your own. surely enough, more often than not, twelve put on a brave face and kept pushing himself to think on the brighter side, but you knew him all too well to turn your eyes blind to it. at some nights, in the darkness of your shared apartment you caught him crying silently by the window. at times like these, you found yourself unable to just stand there politely and watch him break down. you scrambled out of the bed and ran to hug him, pressing yourself impossibly closer to his shaking body.

the pain was undeniably strong. you realised that every single time you looked into twelve's warm orbs and saw the thoughts reflected in them. both of you knew you needed to go on with life and not allow yourselves to fall into the pit of despair.

twelve took the major step towards.

"i want to change my name."

you looked over your shoulder, as you were stirring the stew in the frying pan, surprise and mild apprehension written all over your face. of course, you two have discussed the topic before, but you still were caught off guard.

"are you sure?"

twelve found comfort in the fading warmth of the coffee cup, thoughtfully looking at black drops that were left inside.

"yeah. not only that, but i guess i want to change my birthdate and place of birth. won't... hurt."

"somehow... you feel different about this sort of thing, even though you've done it countless times before."

"it wasn't serious. i didn't mind changing names because i thought it wouldn't affect my life one way or the other. i would still be me. heh, some part of me even considered that fun - you know, changing your "username", as if it were some kind of a videogame."

twelve's smile gave you a bitter sensation on the tip of your tongue. you felt the familiar constriction in the throat, as you quickly turned away to the sink. he was doing it again. hiding his pain behind a smile.

and it hurt you more knowing what he was on about.

he was going to...

"i want to start my life completely anew. like a whole different person. i will apply for college, find a part-time job, attend student gatherings, fret over the strict teachers. things everyone does. that'll be so cool, don't you think--"

"are we going to erase him just like that?"

your quiet voice held no condemnation. though you'd be lying if you said that you hadn't felt a pang of regret. you just wanted to hear twelve's answer. you couldn't go on living if he just chose to stuff the agony deep inside and ignore it, pretending to be okay and ready to restart. you had to know he truly let go. otherwise... otherwise...

twelve hugged you tightly, turning away the stove behind you. you hugged him back eagerly, heart pounding in the chest.

he was touching your back in a soothing motion, effectively calming you down.

"sh-h, sweetheart. it's okay."

"what is okay about all this..." you sobbed, clutching his shirt. closing your eyes, you breathed in, growing addicted to the feeling of being comforted by him, not that it was the first time.

"i'm not forgetting him. never. nine remained, remains and will remain in my heart. i feel happy that he got our wish fulfilled and passed away with peace. at first, it was really hard for me to move on. but now i know i have to live. so don't worry about me." having said that, he caressed the side of your face and made you look up to him. then he pressed a tender kiss to your cheek. "we have each other now. let's try and create something truly beautiful for once instead of blowing everything up? ^^"

"twelve..." you weakly hit his chest with a fist. "you're such an idiot."

"your idiot. there's no getting away from me now."

twelve especially requested that you would help him choose his new name; and upon looking at his blazing smile, you instantly came up with an idea - akira 明 ("the light coming from the sun").

as for the date of birth, twelve didn't think too long.

"then... let it be the 15th of june."

"that was fast. did you think about it beforehand?"

"no. that's the day we've met, silly. i want to celebrate the most important event of my life as my birthday."

#twelve x reader #zankyou no terror twelve x reader #zankyou no terror twelve #terror in resonance #terror in resonance twelve #hisami touji x reader

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linkedkeysau-official · 2 years

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Whumptober 2022- Linked Keys edition

Day 7- Shaking hands/silent panic attack/seizures (+ art)

Mask knew it wasn't going to be a fun day. He felt congested, and achy, and just all around not good, not to mention tired— as he had gone yet another night without sleep— but even more so than usual. Immediately he could tell he was coming down with a cold or some kind of illness. His throat burned as he tried to take a drink of water, and his nose was so stuffed up that he could only breathe through his mouth. Yeah he definitely must have caught something during the group's travels. Still, it wasn't like he couldn't function. It sucked, but he had pushed through tougher days than this. As such, he did his best to act normally as he went to join the other heroes for breakfast.

"Morning, Sprite. Sleep well?" Warriors asked. Mask shrugged, sitting down on the ground without a word.

"Did you sleep at all? Cuz kid… no offense but you look like shit." Wild commented, soon turning his attention back to the eggs he was cooking.

"I… slept." Mask hesitantly lied. Warriors gave him a look.

"Okay maybe I didn't sleep as much as I should have but I'm fine. Really!" Mask rolled his eyes. Warriors let out a sigh,

"Fine. As long as you're not using that damned mask again." Mask knew exactly what he was talking about: the All-Night mask, which prevents the wearer from sleeping as long as it's on, and which Mask had used to intentionally deprive himself of sleep for the sake of not having nightmares. Was that potentially a reason for him getting sick now? Yeah. But Mask would rather have a cold for a short time than be plagued with nightmares every night.

"Alright, it's done. Who wants some fried eggs and rice?" Wild called out to the rest of the camp. Several hands went up. Others, who had still been asleep, rose groggily upon either hearing something about eggs or smelling the food itself and knowing breakfast was ready. Mask hadn't eaten since the early lunch they had yesterday, but for some reason his appetite didn't perk up when he saw the food. He couldn't even smell it, his nose was so clogged. Wild offered him a plate anyway, and Mask shook his head in refusal, but Warriors spoke up on his behalf.

"He'll have some too." The captain turned to his adopted son, "You need to eat something. We're going to be walking all day, and it's not good to be active like that and not eat anything beforehand."

"M'not hungry." Mask muttered.

"I didn't ask. At least eat some of it. I'll eat what you don't want, but you need to at least have some of both the egg and the rice." Warriors said firmly, handing Mask the plate of food. Mask groaned, but didn't argue. Instead he began absentmindedly picking at the contents of his plate, trying to get the motivation to take a bite.

"Everyone, eat quickly. We need to be on the road as soon as possible if we're going to make it back to Harbortown before dark." Time announced. They needed to get back to their ship so they could sail out to their next destination, and every day they wasted on land was another that Nihrie was gathering power, making their quest a little bit harder, and posing more and more of a threat to the innocent people of this world.

"Come on, Time. We've been moving around nonstop since we got back to this island. Can't we rest just this once?" Paint whined.

"Yeah, we won't be able to help anyone if we're all too sore and tired to move, let alone fight." Wind agreed.

"You can rest on the ship. It's going to be a long trip north to that volcanic island anyway. You all have endured far, far worse than a few days of walking. It is a mild discomfort, it won't kill you to go one more day." Time said firmly. Several groans came after this announcement, but nobody argued. Everyone knew the Hero of Time's stubbornness was nearly unmatched. As if to demonstrate this, his younger counterpart was still dragging his feet with breakfast.

"Mask, hurry up and eat! You haven't taken a single bite yet!" Warriors scolded.

"I'm. not. Hungry." Mask argued, "Told you that already."

"Well, too bad. I am not going to watch you starve yourself again, so either you start eating or I will feed that to you like a baby."

"Ugh, fine!" Mask groaned. He didn't feel like eating, but he really didn't want the embarrassment of being fed like an infant. Warriors had proven that he can and will resort to that method, and Mask didn't really want to repeat that experience, so he reluctantly shoveled a bite of egg and some rice into his mouth. He could hardly even taste it, though he wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse right now. He glanced over at Warriors, continuing to force his food down until the captain looked content.

"Can I be done now?" Mask whined,

"Sure." Warriors sighed, taking the plate from him to finish it himself. He wished there was a better way to get Mask to eat. The kid had a horrible habit of ignoring his own needs, and it has more than once resulted in severe sleep deprivation, near-starvation, and more often than not, pushing himself to the point of literal collapse before he would admit he was not okay. Warriors tried his hardest, but the fact was sometimes the Sprite simply didn't want to eat. And Warriors couldn't force him to without physically shoving food down his throat. The kid's stubbornness was concerning, but it had always kept him going when things got almost too tough to handle.

And yet, while this behavior wasn't out of the ordinary for Mask, Warriors couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Something the kid wasn't telling him, or anyone for that matter. He just couldn't figure out what. All he knew was that Mask was moving a bit more sluggish than usual. It could very well be leftover tiredness from the night before, and Warriors tried to convince himself he was worrying for nothing, but given the Sprite’s track record, his instincts were telling him there was something else.

"You're not sick, are you, Sprite?"

"Huh?" Mask asked, so surprised at how fast his dad had guessed the truth that he didn't have time to think of a lie, "M-Maybe. It's just a cold, though. I'll be fine." He confessed. Warriors stared at him skeptically before shrugging,

"If you say so. But promise me that if you start feeling worse you'll tell me, okay? I don't want you pushing yourself too hard if you're getting sick."

"'Kay. I will." Mask nodded. He probably wasn't going to. Admitting that he felt bad would lead everyone else to start babying him. He hated when people treated him like some helpless infant. He'd handled far worse before. He could push through this and just get some rest when they made it to Harbortown.

He moved quite a bit slower than usual. And nobody could miss the near-incessant sniffling and the occasional cough that slipped out. A few times, the others would cast a glance over at him as if to ask if he was okay, but a sharp glare from the kid immediately made them back off. Even at 10 years old, the Hero of Time had his death stare down pat. Honestly he probably would have been fine if things had stayed the way they were. But given the boys' luck thus far, he should have known it would take a turn for the worse.

As the boys reached roughly their halfway point, it began to rain. It started out as a light sprinkle, then became a drizzle, and less than an hour later it was a full-on downpour. The problem was, in the middle of an open field like this— with the chain having left the cover of the forest behind before the rain even started— there was no place the boys could go to find shelter without backtracking almost the same distance they had left to travel. No, it was best to keep going and to tough it out. A little rain never hurt anyone. Well… usually.

Everyone was soaking wet within minutes, including Mask. The young Hero of Time tried to hide it, but it was hard to miss the way he shivered every so often. Out of everyone, he had the least amount of protection from the elements as far as clothing went, in what basically equated to a thin short-sleeved shirt, a pair of shorts, and some oversized boots. He of all people had to be freezing in this weather. And yet when both Wild and Sky offered him their cloak and sailcloth respectively to help shield him from the rain, the kid once again refused their help, even throwing the extra layers onto the muddy ground when they tried to force him to wear them anyway (Sky was very upset that his nice white sailcloth, handmade by his Zelda, had gotten muddy but was assured that it could be washed).

"Hey! Stop! I said I'm fine! I don't need—" Mask shouted as another pair of hands tried to force another piece of extra clothing on him.

"Just wear the damn scarf, Sprite. You're only going to get worse otherwise." Warriors told him firmly. Mask wanted to argue, but he bit his tongue. There was no arguing with dad. Plus he did love that scarf… Always so soft and warm, and a great reminder that Warriors was there— that Mask was safe— whenever he was scared or upset.

"I don't need you all to baby me. I'm fine on my own." Mask grumbled, attempting to hold back another cough.

"It's not us babying you, it's called being smart and making sure nobody freezes in this weather. You don't want to get sicker, do you?" Warriors rolled his eyes. Mask grumbled something under his breath, not wanting to admit out loud that Warriors was right.

"Hey, there's a big tree up ahead, maybe we can stop under there and take a break while we wait for this rain to stop!" Tracks pointed.

"Might not be a bad idea." Time agreed. Everyone ran ahead and gathered underneath the tree that Tracks had pointed out. This being the closest thing they had to a shelter, the boys were glad to at least be out of the worst of the rain, though it was still cold, and many of them were huddling together for warmth.

"Hey, if anyone's hungry, I've got some apples we can munch on while we wait." Wild offered.

"Oh, sweet, thanks!" Wind grinned as he took one.

"Yeah thanks, Wild. I'm starving." Four took one as well. Nearly everyone had taken one, and it was surprising to see just how many of the little red fruits Wild had stored in that crazy Slate of his, but they were grateful for it. A little snack was much appreciated at the moment.

"Want one, Mask?" Wild asked. Mask shook his head.

"You're just not hungry today, are you?" Wild asked. It was strange. Usually the kid would always eagerly gobble up whatever Wild made, sometimes so eagerly that the others feared he may choke. But today he didn't seem interested in Wild's cooking, or somewhat-freshly-picked snacks, at all. Wild wasn't the type to worry, especially about a kid who was already so strange to begin with, but when he would even turn down Wild's cooking, that was a clear sign that something was up.

"You really should have one, Mask. Some fruit would actually help you get over this cold. Not to mention a snack would be good for keeping your energy up." Warriors urged. Mask hesitated, but eventually took one from Wild, nibbling on it slowly. He still wasn't hungry, but if what Wars was saying was right, hopefully this would help to get him back on his feet where he could actually be useful to the group, and not just dead weight— a pathetic lump of sickness— until he recovered.

Another hour passed, and the rain finally stopped. Time and Warriors were now getting everyone ready to go again. The others were thankful for the break, and now more energized than they were that morning. Well, all except Mask. If anything the kid was even more tired than before. No matter how much Warriors tried to urge him to get up, he didn't want to. Fearing this was a sign of the sickness getting worse, Warriors knelt down beside him, gently placing a hand over his son's forehead. It was barely noticeable, but he did seem a bit warmer than normal. Definitely had at least a mild fever, which would certainly explain the sudden reluctance to move.

"Okay, Sprite. Up we go." Warriors, not caring whether or not Mask wanted to be carried, slipped his arms underneath the kid's legs and behind his back. Mask leaned against him, clinging to his tunic as he was lifted up. He buried his face in his father's shoulder, trying to concentrate on the light bouncing as the older hero walked and the warmth and softness of the scarf still around his neck and shoulders, rather than how much everything hurt; His head throbbed, nearly every muscle in his body ached, and he could hardly breathe through his nose at this point. Honestly he was kind of glad to have a break.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was setting by the time the boys reached the town; they'd still somehow made it in perfect time. Half the group then went to stock up on food and supplies for the upcoming voyage while the others went straight to the inn, requesting two of the largest rooms they had (the boys were comfortable enough around each other that they were perfectly fine sharing a room with 7 or 8 others). Warriors had to set Mask down while he reached for his wallet to pay the innkeeper, and from the moment Mask was put back on his feet, he felt a strange sensation through the discomfort he was already experiencing. Lights and colors seemed brighter than they had moments ago. The air around him seemed to chill and heat up drastically at the same time. He stumbled a few times as Warriors walked him up the stairs. Then all of a sudden, he collapsed.

Twilight, his wolflike senses still strong even in his regular form, could vaguely sense that there was something wrong. Something about Mask had changed as Warriors set him down on the ground. He’d known the kid was sick, but this gave him a really bad feeling that it could be worse than anyone anticipated, even if he couldn’t figure out why. Hyrule had gone into the village to stock up on supplies with Wild, Ravio, and Time, and they hadn’t yet returned, meaning the healer wouldn’t be able to help at the moment. The next best person would be Legend. As Warriors and Mask began heading up the stairs, Twilight had alerted the veteran hero to his concerns and asked that he go with them. And what a good thing it was that he did.

Legend saw the kid suddenly collapse in the middle of the hallway. He saw Warriors freeze up as Mask’s body began convulsing violently, as if the kid had completely lost control of his muscles. Legend knew right away what was going on: Mask was having a seizure, and Legend needed to act fast.

“MOVE!!!” He cried, shoving Warriors aside as he rushed towards the kid. He quickly placed his hand underneath Mask’s head so he wouldn’t hit it on the floor and injure himself. With some difficulty, he managed to get the kid laying on his side, as this would ensure that if he vomited, he wouldn’t choke.

“Wars, I need you to–” Legend started to say before he looked back and saw that the captain was still frozen in place, face white as a sheet, staring wide-eyed at the scene before him. He didn’t seem to hear anything Legend said.

“HEY! SOMEONE GO GET HYRULE, NOW! MASK IS… MASK IS IN DANGER!” Legend called out to the other heroes downstairs. He then turned his attention back to the task at hand. How long had this been going on? About 30 seconds? That seemed about right, though to be safe he'd say it was 40. Legend had to keep track of the time; if the seizure didn’t stop within about 2 minutes, there was a much higher chance of it being life-threatening.

50 seconds. Legend could hear a door slam shut downstairs. Hopefully that was someone either going to find Hyrule, or coming back with him.

60 seconds. The convulsions hadn't stopped. Legend kept a close eye on the kid's movements, trying to determine if he was still breathing okay.

70 seconds. It was finally beginning to slow, but that didn't exactly mean Mask was out of the woods yet.

80 seconds. Mask began retching as if he were about to vomit. Legend felt bad as he did so all over the floor, but that could wait until after he knew Mask was safe. Despite his hatred for the Goddesses, Legend was praying to any of them that could possibly reach them in this world that Mask would be okay.

After 90 seconds, it seemed his prayers had been answered. A minute and a half, and Mask finally regained control over his body. Legend breathed a sigh of relief as his body stilled, with the exception of the heavy rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. He was still breathing… they should consider themselves lucky for that. The sound of the door again, followed by hurried footsteps up the stairs caught Legend's attention. Hyrule had returned.

"I heard Mask was in trouble and came as fast as I could. What happened?" The healer asked.

"He had a seizure. And I think it may have been caused by a fever, because he's really warm." Legend explained.

"WHAT?!" Hyrule demanded, rushing to the spot where Legend had been as the latter stood up and made room for him. Indeed the child did feel very warm. It was a relief to see that he was still breathing, and his pulse— while being very fast— was strong. Hyrule used the edge of his sleeve to wipe the bile from the child's face. Mask seemed to have lost consciousness, but hopefully he would wake up in a few minutes.

While Hyrule made sure Mask hadn't injured himself, Legend turned his attention to Warriors. The captain was clearly still not in a good state either, sliding his back down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, head buried in his hands, trembling. Legend could have sworn he heard him sobbing very quietly, as if trying not to be heard. Legend, for once, couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. Poor guy must have been scared out of his mind… he thought. It only made sense, seeing your own child in that state and not knowing what caused it or how to help.

"Hey. You okay?" He asked, sitting down facing Warriors. He didn't respond.

"Wars? Captain!" At the word captain, Warriors' head snapped up to face Legend, "Are you okay?"

Warriors didn't know how to respond. He'd never been good at letting himself be emotionally vulnerable in front of others, especially those he was supposed to lead or who looked up to him. It caught him off guard when he realized Legend had seen him crying. But… He couldn't pretend he was okay this time. Not after that. Not after seeing his son collapse, violent convulsions wracking his tiny, frail body, and… him freezing up. Not even being able to move and help. Having to watch Legend take it upon himself to keep his son from hurting himself further. He shook his head, another sob escaping his lips. He was not okay. He mentally kicked himself for admitting it; Legend would probably never let him live it down. The big strong war captain, breaking down and crying over a sick child, even if it was his sick child. But much to his surprise, Legend didn't say anything of the sort. Instead he spoke with an uncharacteristic level of compassion behind his voice.

"Hey. Look at me. I know you were scared, and there is absolutely no shame in it. Your son just had a seizure, you have every right to be scared. In fact I'd be worried if you weren't scared by this. I was too. Look, my hands are still shaking." Legend held out his hands for Warriors to see, and indeed, they were still shaking from the scare that Mask had just given both boys.

"I froze… He collapsed and I just… I froze. I didn't even try to help… He's my son, dammit! I should have done something!" Warriors wailed.

"You were in shock. You looked about ready to faint. You couldn't have done anything in that state. There's a reason I followed you up here, because Twilight had a feeling something would happen, and I was best equipped to handle it in Rulie's absence." Legend explained.

"You did good, Ledge." Hyrule spoke up behind him, "Aside from a small bruise on his right arm, probably from when he fell, he came out almost completely uninjured. And that's good, because that means he's probably gonna recover without issue, provided we can get this fever to go down. You're right, it does seem pretty high. I've got some medicine in my bag downstairs that might help, but we have to wait until he wakes up to give it to him. Until then we should probably have him lay down in a proper bed… Should be safe to move him now. Are you okay to carry him, Wars, or do you need me to? You are looking a little pale—"

"I can do it." Warriors hurriedly replied. He couldn't do anything during the seizure itself; the least he could do was to help the kid through the aftermath. Hyrule nodded in understanding as Warriors made his way back over to where Mask lay, gently lifting him up and carrying him towards one of the rooms the Chain had reserved. As he carefully tucked Mask into bed, wincing at how hot the poor kid's skin felt (way hotter than before), Legend spoke up,

"I'm just confused as to why this happened. I heard that kids usually only get febrile seizures in their toddler years, and only in rare cases. Unless…" Legend turned to Warriors, "Has he been wearing that mask again? The black one that keeps him awake? Sometimes lack of sleep can make it more likely for this to happen."

"Shouldn't be. I thought Time said he was going to take it away." Warriors replied.

"Search his bag. He might have stolen it back." Warriors did just that, looking through the collection of masks the kid had inside. He recognized most of them, but hadn't seen the kid use them much: there was the Deku mask, the Goron mask, the Zora Mask, the Fierce Deity mask (it took a lot of self control to keep Warriors from just taking that one away, but the kid has needed it before as a last resort), the Bunny hood, Keaton mask, Brehmen mask… then he saw it. The literal torture device that his kid insisted on keeping for some goddess-forsaken reason, designed to prevent sleep for the wearer, the All-Night mask. He pulled it out of Mask's bag and showed it to Legend.

"Yeah that one. If he took it back, there's a good chance he's still been using it." Legend told him. Warriors cursed silently. He hated this damned mask even more than the Fierce Deity, or the Blast mask (which he had confiscated a few weeks ago after the Sprite nearly blew himself up with it). He hated the pain it caused his son, who wore it more often than could possibly be healthy even for an adult, to escape sleep for the sake of avoiding nightmares. If this thing was part of the reason for Mask's seizure, there was no way Warriors could let him keep it. He'd hide it better, and ensure that Mask couldn't get ahold of it again. He was not going to let this happen again.

"I can take it. I'll find a place to put it where he can't get it." Legend offered. Warriors nodded as he handed over the mask. He then sat down on the edge of the bed beside his son. His face was flushed and his hair stuck to the sweat on his forehead. Warriors gently brushed aside his bangs, staring at the kid's calm, peaceful face. At least he didn't seem to be in too much pain.

"I'm back. How's he doing?" Legend asked, returning to the room.

"Still unconscious, still got a fever… Not much has changed." Warriors muttered sadly.

"Well, I brought this. Hopefully this'll help bring his fever down a bit, at least until he's alert enough to take that medicine." Legend handed Warriors a cool, wet cloth, which the other carefully laid over Mask's forehead. Mask had been unconscious for a while, it seemed like. Perhaps it felt longer for Warriors because of his worry, but he was almost certain this was taking longer than it should have. A million questions flooded his mind in the midst of his anxiety. What if Hyrule was wrong? What if there was something else going on, and Mask wasn't going to get better? What if…?

"Ledge? Do you think… He might have another seizure? You said it was probably because of the fever and that hasn't gone down at all. I'm just… I'm just worried. I hate seeing him like this. I hate seeing him suffer. And… I don't know if I could take it if he were to have another—"

"He'll be fine. I promise. As soon as he wakes up, we'll get Hyrule, get him some medicine, and hopefully the fever will go down. You heard what Rule said, he didn't hurt himself or anything, meaning that chances are, he'll be just fine. You hear me? Mask will be fine. He will recover from this."

"But he hasn't woken up yet. Hyrule said he should wake up in a few minutes—!" Warriors tried to argue before Legend gripped his shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes,

"He will be okay. I promise. Rulie and I are not going to let anything happen to him, but you're not doing him or anyone else any good by wondering 'what if'. You need to trust me and Hyrule. You need to trust that we will make sure Mask recovers. Can you do that?" Warriors nodded in understanding, though the tears welling up in his eyes told a different story. Legend would never normally do this, especially not to Warriors, but… Whenever Mask was concerned, it seemed to be the only time the two could ever get along, and sometimes in his concern for the kid, Legend did things he wouldn't normally do; He pulled Warriors into a hug.

Warriors was taken aback by this, but returned the embrace, burying his face in the other hero's shoulder and just letting the tears fall. He really hoped Legend didn't mind this, but if he did, he'd just have to deal with it, because Warriors couldn't stop. Or at least until he suddenly heard a soft groan behind him. Warriors quickly pulled away from Legend, turning around to see Mask just beginning to stir. Bleary sapphire eyes opened, immediately coming to focus on Warriors.

"Dad…?"

"Hey, Sprite. How are you feeling?" Warriors asked, trying to hide the fact that he'd just been crying, internally cringing at the way his voice cracked at nearly every other word.

"Cold. Tired. What… What happened?" Mask asked. Warriors hesitated. He should have assumed the kid wouldn't remember what happened, but he wasn't sure he had the strength to tell him. How could he tell Mask what really happened when he could barely think about it himself?

"You… Passed out. You must have been exhausted, with you being sick and walking as much as we did today…" Legend told him. Not technically a lie, but a stretch of the truth that was probably easier for the kid's brain to handle right now.

"It's okay though. You're safe, Hyrule will be back with some medicine, and we'll ask Time if we can postpone the voyage to the next island, so you're free to stay here and recover properly. Okay?" Warriors said, putting a hand against his kid's (still warm) cheek. Mask nodded. He would have tried to argue, but felt too shitty to do so. He was so exhausted, and his body ached so much that he probably couldn't even get out of bed if he tried.

"Oh, that reminds me, I should go down and let Hyrule know Mask is awake." Legend got up and left the room quickly, knowing Warriors probably wanted a moment alone with his kid. Once he was gone, Mask spoke up again,

"I didn't just pass out, did I?" He asked suspiciously, "You were crying… You never cry unless it's really bad." Warriors let out a sigh. He should have known Mask would figure it out. He was a smart kid, very perceptive. Sometimes Warriors forgot just how perceptive.

"...No. You didn't just pass out. You…" Warriors paused, trying to figure out how to get the words out, "You had a seizure, Sprite. Legend and Hyrule think it might have been caused by the fever… As well as a lack of sleep." Warriors told him.

"O-Okay! Fine. I took the All-Night mask back and… I have been using it." Mask confessed, "But I didn't know this was going to happen, I swear!"

"I know. And I'm not mad at you, Sprite. Nobody knew this was going to happen. Honestly you scared me half to death tonight…"

"M'sorry." Mask muttered.

"Hey. Don't apologize. Like I said, nobody could have seen this coming. Except Twilight, in the last minute before you collapsed, but that's beside the point. I am not mad at you." Warriors said firmly, cradling his son's face in his hands, "Though I did confiscate the mask."

"And this is why we accept whatever people are offering you to cover up when you're sick and stuck outside in the rain," Warriors wanted to add, but held himself back. Mask didn't need a lecture right now. That could wait until he was all better.

"That's fair." Mask shrugged weakly. He was a little disappointed, but he knew it was probably for the best anyway. It hurt to use, and if it was going to cause him to get sick and have seizures due to sleep deprivation, he was better off without it. Mask felt awful, both physically, and for the pain he had put his dad, and Legend, and Hyrule, and whoever else witnessed it through. He knew they'd never accept his apology for it, but he still felt as if it were all his fault. Now he was going to be the reason the next leg of their journey would be postponed.

"Hey. Quit with that look. I know that look, you're trying to blame yourself for all this. You didn't choose to get sick. It just happens. And it could have happened to anyone. Hylia knows we're all absolutely awful at taking care of ourselves. It was just bad luck that it happened to be you. So stop blaming yourself for this, alright?" Warriors gave a small smile as he playfully booped Mask's nose. Mask couldn't help but smile back. Seeing him happy, even as sick as he was, made Warriors feel as if a massive weight the size of Ganon himself had been lifted off his chest. If even he could smile at a time like this, then there was no way things wouldn't get better.

"Is he still awake?" Hyrule suddenly asked from the doorway as he and Legend entered the room, the former holding a bottle of some dull green— almost pond scum green— liquid.

"Yeah, come on in." Warriors said.

"Let me take this… and I'll get some more cold water for ya, kiddo." Legend grabbed the now lukewarm cloth from Mask's head and ran back out while Hyrule approached the side of the bed, pulling the cork out of the bottle. Mask grimaced as the strong smell of… was that grass? The strong smell of what Mask imagined old, wet, rotting grass would smell like filled the room. He could assume that was the medicine Warriors had mentioned, and he was really hoping it wasn't the kind he had to drink. Just the sight of it made him want to throw up, again (he knew he had before because of the taste in his mouth when he woke up. Still probably better than what this medicine would taste like, though).

"Here, drink this. It'll help with the fever and all that." Hyrule tried to hand it to him, but Mask recoiled at the gesture, not wanting to take it from him.

"Mask. You need to drink it. Do you need me to help you?" Warriors asked.

"It smells like death!" Mask protested.

"Yes, but it's actually the opposite. This is going to help you feel better, I promise. You know I wouldn't be giving it to you if it wasn't going to help." Hyrule urged. Mask still refused, crinkling up his nose in disgust.

"Oh for the love of Nayru, Sprite…" Warriors sighed exasperatedly, snatching the bottle from Hyrule's hand, "Can you sit up?" He asked the child. Mask shook his head in refusal.

"Mask. Sit up. I'm gonna give you five seconds to cooperate, and then I'm going to have to use force." Warriors warned.

"Wars, don't—" Hyrule butted in nervously.

"I'm not actually going to hurt him, Rule! What kind of monster do you think I am? I'm his father, I love him, I could never hurt him. I just need him to drink this and sometimes the only way to overcome his stubbornness is—"

"I can't!" Mask whined. Tears were brimming his big sapphire eyes, face screwed up as if he were holding back a sob, "I can't sit up. H-Hurts to move… It… It hurts…!" At those words, the obvious sincerity painted so clearly on Mask's face, Warriors' frustration melted, replaced immediately with remorse.

"I… I'm sorry, Sprite. Here. I'll help you." Warriors said, slipping a hand underneath the child's back and gently pushing him to a sitting position. Hyrule moved the pillows behind him to prop him up. Warriors then carefully raised the bottle to the kid's mouth, but again Mask turned away.

"Mask, please… I need you to drink this. I know it smells awful and it probably tastes awful too, but it will make you feel better, I promise." He begged.

"I don't wanna—!" Mask argued. He felt fine other than the fever and the aching. Why couldn't he just sleep it off?

"You have to!" Warriors urged, a little harsher than he meant to.

"Why?! Why can't I just sleep this off?!" Mask yelled back.

"BECAUSE—!" Warriors started to scream back, before he caught himself, realizing that getting into a shouting match with his sick son wouldn't help anything, "Because I'm scared, Sprite. You are really sick, and… I don't want to risk you having another seizure, or something worse. I don't want to lose you, Mask. So please, I am begging you. Drink the medicine. Even if it tastes horrible, you have to drink it."

It wasn't often that his dad actually admitted to being scared. It was about as rare as him letting himself cry; only when things were really, really bad. Because of this, Mask decided to just suck it up and drink the very smelly contents of the bottle. He turned his head back towards his dad, opening his mouth just enough that he could pour the liquid in. Mask immediately wanted to spit it out. It tasted far worse than it smelled, indescribably bad. Still, he forced himself to swallow, praying that the taste would leave his mouth soon.

"I'm back." Legend announced as he returned to the room once again, cloth re-soaked with cold water, and came to sit on Mask's other side, "I talked to Time, told him what happened. He agrees that we should stay at least another day or two until Mask recovers."

"Good. I think we could all use the extra rest anyway." Warriors nodded in agreement. Legend turned his attention back to Mask, feeling his forehead again.

"Seems like the fever is going down. That's good. Still a little warm, though…" He commented. He gently placed the cloth over the kid's head again. Mask flinched at the initial coolness of it, but after a few seconds it started to feel good against his burning hot skin.

"Hyrule and I got him to drink the medicine, so it should be gone soon. Now all we gotta do is wait…" Warriors sighed, giving a small smile as he gently rubbed his thumb over Mask's cheek. Mask leaned into it, resting his head against his father's hand, eyes beginning to droop sleepily.

"We should let him sleep. A seizure can take a lot out of a person, especially a kid. Plus sleep is the best way for him to get over this sickness." Legend said, noticing this. Warriors nodded in agreement, moving the pillows back so Mask could lay down all the way.

"Sleep well, little Calf." Legend said as he and Hyrule were leaving the room. Mask suddenly reached out, grasping at the end of his father's scarf with what little strength he could muster.

"Can you stay with me? I don't… I don't want to be alone." He whimpered.

"I wasn't going anywhere, Sprite." Warriors promised, curling up on the bed next to his son, "I'm staying here as long as you need me to." He grabbed the child's tiny hand that was still clinging to the dark blue fabric of his scarf, just holding it in his.

"SAILOR! Stop! Don't you dare bother him!" Legend's voice rang out down the hall, coupled with the pitter-patter of little running footsteps, getting closer and closer until a second small figure darted into the room, flopping onto the bed on Mask's other side and promptly throwing his arms around the one he considered a little brother.

"Wind!" Warriors scolded, "What are you doing here?! Mask needs to rest, and you're going to get sick too if you stay here."

"I don't care if I get sick, it's not like we're leaving until he gets better anyway! I just don't want him to be alone!" Wind argued.

"S'okay dad. I don't mind." Mask whispered, half-asleep. Wind snuggled up closer, smiling at his brother's approval. Warriors had no argument. It wasn't like he could force Wind out now.

"Fine. But if you get sick too, that's on you."

"You could get sick too, dumbass." Wind countered, though the word dumbass held a tone of affection and playfulness more than rudeness.

"I'm his father, I get a pass since it’s my job to be here for him.”

“Yeah well, I’m his brother so it’s technically my job too! Unless you’d rather I didn’t care at all.”

“...Touche, sailor.”

“Can you shut up? I’m tryna sleep…” Mask grumbled.

“Sorry, Sprite. I’ll be quiet.” Warriors said quietly, “And you. If you’re gonna stay in here, you better get to sleep too.” He whispered as he poked Wind lightly. All he got in response was a snore, however. Damn, the kid fell asleep fast. Warriors doubted he’d sleep at all tonight, his nerves being far too shot from the events of this evening, but someone needed to keep an eye on Mask anyway. He was glad the two kids were sleeping soundly, however.

“Sweet dreams, Sprite. Sailor.” He whispered.

Also Wolfie cuddles because yes

#linked keys #LK #LK Mask #LK Warriors #LK Legend #LK Hyrule #whumptober2022 #not lu #tw: seizure

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yourlocalartsonist · 1 year

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ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Five

A/N: Pain. Suffering. Pain. Agony. Sorry for dying for the past few weeks (month?) but I was just struggling with this chapter bro like fr. It was originally much much MUCH longer but I felt like it got so long that it cluttered everything up and was just taking too long to write. So, I split the chapters up. Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm leaving y'all on a cliffhanger for this chapter but hey! Chapter six is almost done so it should be out waaaaaay sooner and you won't have to suffer for too long :> Hope you guys enjoy this and sorry for the wait and the shorter chapter lmao

Also! Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader!

Previous Chapter:

Next Chapter:

Chapter One:

Disclaimer: Chapter involves neglect, mild panic attack, violence, injuries, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe! <3

The gusty air chilled my skin. It’s quite windy today, isn’t it?

Twenty more steps.

It’s Monday now, starting the week with school as usual. Getting to see everyone. Including… Jaiden. Just like last week. All over again.

Ten more steps.

I don’t know what I did. If they’re okay. If they’re mad. I ignored my phone the whole weekend after seeing Jaiden at that party. They could’ve just told me or rescheduled or something. Why lie? What gives?

Five more steps.

I covered my eyes, shielding them from the light reflecting off of cars. Maybe Jaiden didn’t lie. Maybe there really was something important at first and then they went to a party later? But then again, they could’ve still told me anyway. But then again, maybe they figured I’d be busy by then. Yeah, that could be it.

Three.

Well, I’ll never know if I don’t ask. I’ll just ask. I’ll go up to them and say “Hey, I saw you went to a party after telling me we can’t hang out. Did something happen?” And I’m sure I’ll get a reasonable answer. It can’t go that wrong.

Two.

It’s getting kinda hard to breathe. Why? The air’s fantastic today. Are my lungs okay?

One.

One more step.

It’s one more step. Just turn the corner and there it is. It’s Monday, I need to go to school. I need to do my work. I need to talk to Jaiden. I’m so close. Why aren’t my stupid feet moving?

I caught myself taking deeper breaths, my chest suffocated. My legs went numb. The building’s right there, why did I have to get all weird right now? What’s even happening? Why does my head feel mushy? My breathing got more rushed, more audible, more desperate. What is with me, why can’t I just… panic attack? Panic attack! That’s what’s happening! Again.

Now knowing my condition, I leaned against the wall and attempted to relax. Breathe more manually. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Once. Twice. Three times. My body relaxed soon after.

Of course, I just had to have a panic attack a literal step away from school. I should’ve known this would happen. I’ve been getting them nonstop all weekend every time I even thought about seeing Jaiden. Should I call someone? The only other person I could call if I wanted to make it to school today is Zane, and that’s sure as hell not happening. I don’t want him to feel responsible for whatever’s going on between me and Jaiden, he probably has no idea it’s happening, anyway!

I could skip the day. It might honestly be better since I doubt I’ll even be able to focus, anyway. But at the same time, being alone in a state like this wouldn’t be the best option for me. The more alone I am, the more time I have. The more time I have, the more thinking I do. The more thinking I do, the more I’ll be reminded of Jaiden hence defeating the entire point. I searched through my contacts. I’ve got friends outside of Jaiden and Zane now, so maybe I could hang out with someone and get my mind off things. I’ll text in the group chat to see if anyone’s free.

But…

My hands stayed in place holding my phone.

What if they get mad?

I already tagged along with Mikey and Leo just the other day. If I ask again, what if they’ll just get annoyed? I was being too clingy with Jaiden and that’s probably what lead to this situation in the first place. Ugh, I knew pestering them wasn’t a good idea. I just… whatever, just don’t repeat mistakes. I don’t want any of them to be upset with me. But, if I can’t call the guys, who else do I have?

My eyes strained at the tiny bright screen. Only one person left: April. We haven’t gone out in a while, for months actually. Maybe she’d be down? It’s worth a shot.

Breathe in, press the button. It’ll be okay.

After a few rings, a voice picked up gleefully singing my name.

“Salena!~ How are ya? It’s been so long, I thought you forgot about me.”

I laughed “Ah yes, me forget the April O’Neil, as if that’s such a simple task! I just got a little busy, is all. I know they say junior year’s supposed to be the soul-draining year of death and misery, but tenth grade’s not that great either to be honest.”

“That why you called? Is high school kicking your ass that badly? You know I’m always here to help.”

I shook my head as if she was in front of me. “No, don’t worry! I’m actually doing great grades-wise, plenty thanks to you of course!”

Last year, when I was a new student fresh into high school, I was flunking tests and falling behind on assignments. Not because I couldn’t understand the material, that wasn’t the hard part, it was more just struggling with motivation and time management. A lot was going on in my personal life during my middle school years and I got so used to getting off the hook for that, I ended up having a hard time taking things seriously again in high school even though I wanted to.

So I asked our counselor if there was anything I could do to fix it and she suggested the new tutoring program they had set up. April was the senior I was assigned to. She was such a fantastic tutor that my grades shot back up after just a few sessions! And as a person, well, she’s even cooler! Being around her just energized me a lot, enough to do my assignments and even pick up some side projects for fun. It was just something about her spunky and bold personality that felt too contagious to resist. Somehow, this super amazing badass senior ended up taking enough of a liking to me that after she graduated, she asked to exchange numbers and we actually hung out sometimes over the summer. She’s been a bit busier since college, though, and I didn’t want to bother her so our talks turned more into light texts every now and then.

One thing I’ll always appreciate, though. She checked in on me during the whole Krangpocalypse and made sure I was okay. She was the only person who did. The only person who cared.

“A-actually, April? I’m having a bit of a rough time with the uh… social aspect of high school.”

“Oh boy. Talk to me.”

“Oh uh, I…” Should I really talk about Jaiden behind their back? “I mean it’s not that bad, I’m sure it’ll be fine tomorrow. It’s only a little quarrel between me and a friend. I just…” I dragged my hand away from my mouth after realizing I was biting my nails. “I don’t think I can go today. I mean, I tried! I’m literally right outside school but-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! You’re going through a fight, I totally get it. Ugh. Darn, I don’t wanna leave you alone right now but…” she trailed off, clicking her tongue and sighing. “You know what? Whatever, we can hang. I’ve got some investigation work but you can join in. We need some adventure in ya, anyway!”

“R-really!?”

“Give me a few, I’ll come pick you up.” Beep!

Well, that went better than I thought.

After a while, April arrived in a cute, shiny yellow car. I’ve never it seen before. It didn’t look very fancy or expensive but it had a sort of comfy and almost familiar vibe to it.

“I didn’t know you had a car!” I threw my bag in the passenger seat and sat down on the one next to her.

“It’s cool, isn’t it? I got my driver’s license a few months ago and Mom surprised me with this! Comes in real handy for long-distance work. Speaking of, you okay with going out of city for this? I’m driving you home, too, obviously.” I nodded. “Still living with your aunt right?”

“Yep, same place as always.”

“Is she… any different?”

I hesitantly shook my head. “But never mind that. What exactly are we doing on this mission?”

“Glad ya asked. We are infiltrating an abandoned mineshaft near the city that I suspect is actually a front for the government to hide their new secret lab for making these super-toxic biochemical herbicides. Assuming it even is that.”

She tampered with her car buttons and displayed… a hologram? Why would a car like this have a hologram?

I suppose my confusion was blatantly on my face since April quickly explained “My friend added that feature. The car didn’t come with it, obviously.”

“Obviously. Must be a very talented friend.”

She laughed “Oh yeah, he’s real talented. And real big-headed about it. But anywho, while I first thought this was just some sorta deforestation plan commissioned by another rich hotshot, I’m having my doubts on that.” The hologram displayed a vial with glowing blue liquid in it as April continued. “This glowy blue thingy was the only thing that could hurt those alien freaks a few months ago.”

The Krang? “Hurt? Aren’t those guys like, scary tough, why would a simple herbicide hurt them? I could throw as many knives as I wanted and they’d still be barely affected.” And I know this because I literally did.

“Exactly! Why on Earth would a simple herbicide do that much damage? Some are pretty dangerous but this was on another level, I dissolved an alien eye with it! Whatever it is, it’s something dangerous. We’ve gotta break in and figure out what’s going on or at least get another lead.”

I stared out the window as she continued driving. I’ve helped April with her work before, she’s got a lot on her plate so I’m always more than happy to lend a hand. But I’ve never actually gone on a field mission with her before. My specialty was more in the research end of things. Nevertheless! I’m excited! A little nervous but it’ll probably be fine. I mean, I’ve survived against pig mutants and rabid shrew Yōkai, how worse can it get?

We arrived at our destination three hours later. I hopped out the car and April opened the trunk, getting out a fiery lime-green bat and handing me a spare metal one. “The place is supposed to be empty so I doubt we’ll need any weapons but just in case.” Honestly, judging from how crazy things have been lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if these actually did come in handy somehow.

I followed April down the quarry, stopping outside the mineshaft’s entrance. Oh, it looked abandoned, all right. The scratched off paint, rusty metal gate, it looked like no one’s been here for years!

“Damn dude, how’d you even find out about this?”

“My university used to be their old lab before a certain someone broke in and stole a bunch of their stuff.” She winked, making it very clear who that someone was. “After months of digging and chasing leads, I finally tracked this creepy rodeo down! And then found out all I really had to do was just look at the name.” She tilted my chin to look up at the sign above the mineshaft.

I squinted past the dirt and rust and read the words out loud. “Elemental Preservation Facility?”

“And what are the initials?”

“E.P.F. …Wait, E.P.F! You mean like-”

“Mhm! The government’s Earth Protection Force. It’s stupidly obvious when you think about it, must’ve been some sort of reverse psychology ploy.” Oof. If I were her, I’d be more annoyed at that. “It did start as an actual mineshaft but never got any good results so the government officially shut it down. But they never actually restored it like they usually would. Any other useless old mineshaft always gets restored.”

“If that’s the case then there’s definitely something valuable hidden in there. But… how do we get in?”

Before I could even start thinking of ideas, I flinched at the sound of April taking action…

“APRIL O’NEIL!” She swung her bat at the gate, taking it down the moment it made contact. I stood there with my jaw dropped at the pure power in her hit. Who needs plans when you’ve got an O’Neil, I suppose!

The mineshaft ended up being a long, dark tunnel of neverending nothingness for a while, filling my head with the occasional doubt if we’d ever even find anything here. After what felt like decades, we finally hit an end. The flashlight from April’s phone began getting overpowered by a different light source, one right ahead of us. A room guarded by two large doors, bright green light shining through the crack. They looked a little out of place for an abandoned mineshaft. These doors were clean, solid, new. There’s a security keypad on the side, technology that definitely doesn’t belong here.

“You don’t by any chance know what the passcode for this place is, do you?”

“Don’t need to.” She broke the damn door again. Facing me, she proudly showcased her bat to my intrigued yet terrified expression. “This bad boy can break down anything I want it to!”

“Hey, April?...” My eyes trailed past her to the strange room behind the broken door. “Did the old lab at your university look like this, too?”

The enormous, round room captivated my attention, vibrant green glow emitting from a dozen pods in the wall. They weren’t empty. There were… things inside. Creatures? Beings? They were curled up presumably asleep floating in the goo, it looked straight out of a sci-fi film. I tried taking a closer look at one of them, immediately stepping back and fucking off when I got greeted with its open eye.

“Yeesh this place looks like a weird mix between an illegal drug lab and a secret military bunker. A-are those explosives?”

“Yep. Timed explosives.” she snapped a bunch of pictures on her phone. “Look at that, they’ve got guns, too. Bet a nickel whoever built this place shoved forks in outlets as a kid.”

We wandered around a bit more trying to make sense of what this place could be. The blue not-herbicide was nowhere to be found but honestly, I have a funny feeling this is way worse. There were a few pieces of paper sprawled around on the ground. Picking them up, I called April over.

“April, check this out! There’s writing on it… I think?”

“Uh, looks more like a bunch of random scribbles to me.”

“Yeah, but look at this.” I pointed to some repeating lines in the text “It has some level of consistency. Could be encrypted text or maybe even a different language that doesn’t exist in the public domain. I’ve dabbled a bit in the conlang community before, making a new language and writing system is more common than you’d think. Not a huge stretch for a government agency to do that.”

“Welp, it’s the only physical evidence we’ve got so it’ll have to do!” She put the papers in her backpack and zipped it shut. “Besides, Donnie might be able to decipher this stuff.”

Donnie? “Huh, what a coincidence! One of my new friends is also a huge nerd named Donnie. I bet he could help, too!”

April narrowed her eyes and raised a brow “Wait, really?”

“What? Did I say something?”

Wait… What was that!? My spine tingled as I spun around frantically, trying to find the source of my uneasiness.

“What!? What’s wrong!?”

“I-I don’t know I just… I feel like someone’s watching us.”

She gasped “Look out!”

I got pushed to the side watching April swing her bat and send the large cat flying back into the wall. We jumped to the sound of hissing and growling, coming from a small pack of them surrounding us. Their striped coats resembled tabby cats but their sizes were way off. Tabby cats were tiny compared to these guys, they looked more like a small puma’s size!

“Woah!” I dodged to the side avoiding another pounce “What are these things!? They’re huge!”

“I don’t know!” She grunted, swinging the cat away “Whatever they are, they’re attacking us so we’ve gotta move!”

April grabbed my hand and we rushed to get to the other side of the room, taking the lead so she could block any attacks at us. My mind ran a mile a minute trying to make any sense of this while also not dying at the hands of a monster cat. Danger aside, I admired how well April used her bat. She strikes with pure confidence, moving with her bat as if they were one entity. I might be imagining things, but sometimes the bat feels alive, a friend to April more than a weapon.

The tabbies stopped chasing us once we were out of that room and back in the mineshaft. They stared us down, hissing as if to say “Stay out!”

April looked back, sighed, and began walking towards the mineshaft’s exit. That was until I tugged her arm to stop her.

“Salena?” She looked confused. I kept staring. “What is it?”

“Um, I know this might sound like a stretch but…” I ignored the pesky voice telling me I was insane and instead went with my gut “I think whatever creatures attacked us are related to the ones in the pods. It just doesn’t feel like they’re normal cats. The E.P.F. is up to something and I don’t think it’s good.”

She seemed conflicted, the corners of her mouth turned down “It’s not a stretch. With what just happened, I think you’re on to something. Oh boy, this is worse than I thought it’d be.”

“...We should destroy it.”

“What?”

“The lab. We don’t have any leads other than some pictures and funky text. That’s not even close to enough to figure out what’s going on and what the E.P.F. is planning to do with all of this.” I met her eyes, a worried look flashed across them. “They’ve got explosives, don’t they? We need to destroy that lab and at least hinder their progress to buy us more time.”

“Oh no no no no, hell no! You are not going back in there. I wouldn’t have even brought you here if I knew we’d be dealing with a bunch of supersized freaks!”

“And they’ve got more of those freaks inside! Who knows what they’re doing to those animals to make them so unnaturally aggressive! April, if we leave now we’re letting things continue. If we destroy the place… if we kill them we’re at least saving them from being government guinea pigs.”

“Look, I’ll come back here later and figure something out but not with you. Right now, you and I are getting out of here and I’m driving you home.”

I know she’s right. This is dangerous. Those cats had claws and teeth large enough to kill with ease, one wrong move and it’s over. But they’re still innocent animals. Living beings. They’re being toyed with and turned into monsters. I can’t just let whatever ‘mad scientist bullshit’ this is go on. Even if she comes back, what if it’s too late by then?

“April…” I backed up, gripped the metal bat, and ran back to the lab “Wait for me in the car!”

“Wha- SALENA NO!”

Sorry April.

Running through the tunnel, I built up speed, zigzagging past the big cats before they could stop me. Now back in the room, I made my way to the explosives and shoveled a bunch between my body and arm. With April gone, I had to frequently strike at the leaping felines and defend myself. The metal bat doesn’t seem as powerful as April’s, neither are my hits. But whatever, they’re getting the job done. I ran along the walls, placing an explosive on each of the twelve pods. That strangely doubled as a distraction for some of the cats since they started clawing at the explosives. I looked at the timer on them.

Ten minutes. I can make it.

Unfortunately, this time even after bolting out of the room, the giant cats kept tailing me, almost like they knew what I was doing. They hindered my progress a little, having to both stick the last of the explosives on the mineshaft walls and attack the cats till I get open space to escape. But that didn’t matter, I had to get out of here.

Only five minutes left. If there was ever a time to sprint it’d be now.

“Huh? AH!!!” A fluffy fucker slipped past my radar and leaped on me, both of us crashing into the rocky wall from impact. My bat wasn’t in my hand anymore, it fell too far from my reach.

So there I was pinned down screaming in pain as the only thing between me and a very graphic death was my poor left arm acting as a shield getting torn into by its teeth. My head was throbbing, my forehead felt slightly warm and wet. Panicked, breathless, and thinking it was the end, I closed my eyes praying the whole place just blew up before I got mauled alive.

“APRIL O’NEIL!!!” I heard the cat yowl as she thrashed it off me, pulling me up and dragging me out. “Come on!”

We dashed through the exit, up the quarry, and dove behind April’s car, far enough to not die from the explosion. I covered my ears to the earth-shattering sound.

I looked up to see April holding me tight, almost cradling me. Even despite all the jitters from the last however-long-it’s-been, her protective grip still managed to calm me down, if only a little.

The world went silent. We peeked from behind the car to the now blocked-off entrance.

“We… We did it. WE DID IT!” I got up, wincing as my head felt a little wobbly and nauseous but it was probably from the intense action just now.

“We sure did! Man, I am gonna lay in bed for the next week after this. You ready to head home?”

“Ye-”

“Don’t answer that, we’re leaving either way.” Her eyes shifted to the side of my forehead, slowly widening “Hey, are you bleeding?”

“Am I?” I touched my temple and blinked at my red fingers. I must’ve hit a rock or something?

“…Come on, we gotta get you some medical attention.”

I tried taking a step to follow her but my legs felt shaky. Everything’s sideways now, am I on the ground? My vision’s blurry. Why is April calling my name?

Next Chapter

#rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt #unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the turtles #rottmnt season 3 #nickelodeon #netflix #paramount #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt oc x canon #rottmnt oc #oc x canon #rottmnt x oc #rise april #april o'neil #rottmnt april #rottmnt moths fly in packs

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anastasia-l1108 · 2 years

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Ok so like this is my first post and I wrote this for my English class and I’m really proud of it so enjoy.

Idk if I need to put warnings but mild blood and gore, self harm, panic attacks

Her.

She was so graceful and polite. Never once has she stumbled, she danced through the halls of home, school, anywhere she went. A smile plastered on her lips continuously. One so bright and welcoming anyone would blush, regardless of attraction. Anyone in need would come to her for assistance, she was always willing to help. Her are grades higher than the sky. Every test aced. Her clothes a tight fit on her skinny body sculpted from clay, framing her delicately. She is the perfect daughter. The perfect student. The perfect girlfriend or wife. The perfect person. Yet here I am, her contrasting, embarrassing, underweight, foolish, basic, flawed part. Her failure.

We could once coexist. Perfect and I, an amazing team. I would show when I trip over my own feet, rushing to school after I miss my bus. Perfect would come out when she hid the pain in my newly scraped knees and palms and proceeded to run. An impeccable duo working together to make me appear normal.

Before I knew it though, middle school had started and suddenly I became locked away. The only side anyone could see, would be Perfect. Everyone saw her smile. Everyone saw her as the entity of grace. Everyone liked her. Someone would be falling behind in math and she would go help them. She wasn’t afraid to talk to people, nervous about their opinions. She was who everyone wanted to be friends with, a colleague with. Everyone wanted to be her. The only time I was let out would be when I would cry alone in my room, door locked and blade out, exhausted and drained from the strain Perfect had caused me.

Everything went smoothly for a long time. Perfect in control and ready to seize another day. But I was only getting stronger while locked away. More and more Perfect would crack and I could shine through. It started subtle, a missed assignment here, a stutter there. By the beginning of high school, Perfect was solely held together by glue and scraps of tape. It didn’t take long for everyone to break her.

Perfect’s friend, Lilyana, left her. Lilyana was as perfect as her, only with a bit more fake drama. She claimed that Perfect wasn’t enough for her. She found someone better to associate herself with, Sharon. Both of them said that Perfect was too ‘flawed’. An ironic twist that the one that Perfect despised and locked away, was the one she was told to be.

In my mind, Perfect unlocked my cage.

“You did this! You’re the reason that no one likes us! You made her leave me!” The power in Perfect's voice, if tangible, would have formed lightning and struck me down.

“Me? You locked me out. You made it so that I was only seen when I hurt myself. You made it so I was invisible! How are you blaming this on me?” I spoke calmly yet firmly to counteract Perfect’s screaming.

“We have no one! Lilyana left us! She called me flawed,” her voice broke at the end and her screaming ceased.

A bit of sympathy for Perfect temporarily flooded my mind. “We don’t need her anyway, she wasn’t good for us. She made us someone we aren’t. Lilyana always made us jump through hoops to be her friend, even before you took control. Don’t mourn the loss of someone who was killing us. We can join together again. It’ll be better for everyone,” Perfect searched my eyes frantically. Searching for the lie in my voice. There wasn’t any. “You and I, working together. We can run together. We can be equals again.” a soft smile spread across my face, encouraging Perfect to agree. She didn’t.

“Of course. That’s what you want. You want to be the superior side.”

“Did you not hear me say ‘We can be equals,’?”

“No. No,” a manic laugh ripped from her throat. “You’re lying. I know because that’s what I’d do. You’re manipulating me!”

“No, I’m not manipulating you. I’m not you. Please, just listen to me.”

“No, you want to be better than me. But that’s my job to be superior.”

Perfect conjured a dagger and uncoordinatedly slashed it towards me. I easily dodged, conjuring a knife of my own in the process. Perfect roughly ran forward with both hands clutching the knife, aiming for my head. Swiftly, I drove the knife into Perfect’s lower chest, right in between her left rib cage. Removing the dagger, I stabbed her again, in the same spot but now on the right side. Then again in her stomach.

“I wasn’t going to do this. I really wasn’t,” my voice was shaky like I was going to cry. Even though all the pain Perfect inflicted, I knew she couldn’t run my mind alone.

“Just finish it. Live alone and in pain for the rest of your life. You need me but I don’t need you. So go on, finish it. Let everyone see how flawed you truly are,” her voice too was shaking but from pain rather than emotions. Perfect knew I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be strong enough without her.

Perfect’s bloody body was barely clinging to life. All I truly had to do was leave her there for twenty minutes, let blood loss do the job for me. But I have to do as she says, as I always have had to. I rested the knife to her throat and muttered a brief ‘as you wish’ and slit her throat.

Opening my eyes, I glance around my room. I was coming down from the emotions of my third panic attack this week. But I finally won. I have no one to lock me away anymore. No one to degrade me anymore. No one to call me flawed anymore, because I had killed her.

#angst #narrative #random story #idek how to tag this

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palimundo · 8 months

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I'm going to keep a day log of this supplement I bought to help my ability to focus. But it seems to be neutralizing my mood more. Posting here because it's easily accessible for me, and maybe it'll help others too.

Overall Summary after 45 days: First week gave the best results with regulating my mood and racing thoughts. All after that it became inconsistent, likely because of how my body gets used to new things after enough time. I'll continue to take them to control my anxiety, that's the one thing that's stayed the most consistent and I favor it. If brands are different, I'm willing to try others to see if there's a response as good as the first week.

Day 1: I had an extremely hard time waking up, no doubt because of my ongoing anxiety doing its worst to me the day before but maybe also because it was super cold in the house and I went to bed late. Taking the supplement I guess I was more focused, in that I didn't feel all anxious at the thought of starting anything important, but it still took me the same amount of time to do any starting. I think it's because my head was hurting so much and on top of that my body couldn't adjust to the temperature drop in weather. But when the headache did let up and I did things, I felt good.

Day 2: Got slammed with palpitations this morning when realizing I forgot something significant when completing an important application yesterday. I knew there wasn't anything I could do but my body was already freaking out. After hours of being awake in bed in the dead of morning I finally started my day and took the supplements with my vitamins. Pretty quickly I cooled down, but now it feels like I'm underwhelmed by everything. This is good for my job that my heart rate isn't going haywire over every little thing, but I don't want to be void of reaction. Funny enough my muscle memory of fidgeting and rolling my eyes when something takes too long was prevalent although internally I didn't feel so distraught as I have been the past few months. I'm curious at whether or not this will subside as time goes on. Important note, I had a mild headache all day, not sure why.

Day 3: Morning repeated itself, where I throw myself into a panic in the dead of morning (over something I actually can't remember anymore) until I took the supplements after getting out of bed. I took even longer to get up this morning; sometimes my insomnia does the most but I wonder if the supplements have any part in it? No way to know. Not sure if my taking them a little later also stalled them actually working by the time I started my day. I felt less attentive and fidgeted a lot more, but I didn't have internal knots toward anything that would normally bother me. I did a half hour of yard work so I'm not sure if that helped my mood? I was a little tired because of it but afternoon coffee perked me up. For the most part, today didn't seem to have the effect I wanted with the supps, but the fact that I don't feel wired up is still a win in my book. Today actually felt the way I used to before any little thing would overwhelm me. That's good but it makes me wonder why I strayed from that to begin with and why drugs is what's making me come back. One trivial thing to report, while desk-working I usually fidget with my phone because I get so anxious and impatient and need a detour, but it didn't happen this time when I left the phone on my bed.

Day 4: This morning I'll say I slept restfully even though I was awake in bed at the usual early hours, I didn't have much of a panic attack as I normally did but it's hard to say if the most stressful tasks are over or the supplements are neutralizing me more. I have the day off so there's not much to document on. I did yard work again and now the rest of the day is just... hanging out. Worth noting, with a social thing I have to do monthly, I usually get knots leading up to it. But I realized I didn't get knots at all for it today. Not even just thinking about it. My brain simply took it as something on my to-do list, as it should.

Day 5: In some parts of the day it felt like the anxious side of me was trying to get out to indulge in its habits wholeheartedly; I wanted to fidget with my phone or withdraw when dealing with a familiarly stressful situation, but because I didn't FEEL stressed in my body at the usual amount, I just worked through it. Like a parent ignoring their toddler's tantrum. I did still do some leg bouncing or phone-browsing but it was hardly to the extent it usually would be. All that being said I don't like I was doing even a LITTLE more of my negative traits even though it wasn't debilitating. I hope that it doesn't get worse to where I'm back at square 1 despite the supps.

Day 6: I woke up pretty well-rested I think; I yawned but I didn't feel tired. I wonder if it's just suggested to eat with the supps, because I'm not hungry enough in the morning to try and eat. I did yardwork again and almost finished what I planned this whole week but then I saw maybe six wasps floating around after I pulled out a part of the brush. Since I don't have anything to repel them I'll have to admit defeat to finishing in the time I planned. That being said I think the supps really helped in me fulfilling as much as I did; usually I can get super anxious with starting something that I just won't do it at all or I'll heavily stall on it. It's like, the job itself is strenuous but I'm able to deal with it. The rest of the day I fidgeted some, but again it wasn't at the extent it normally is, I was still able to focus without being stressed or needing to withdraw. I'm very pleased just with the fact that my chest doesn't ache because of my ongoing anxiety! I'm willing to continue taking the supps just for that alone... after I finish the bottle I'll have to read into any long-term effects.

Day 7: Today's a Saturday and I'm tired, most likely because of my insomnia. Today will be a slow day. My body feels relaxed so it works out. Usually I'm all wired up because I keep thinking about things I'm "supposed" to do; but whether because it's not too significant in the end or because I'm medicated, I'm fine with how I feel today. This mellowness is very familiar but I also can't remember when I've felt this. I've missed it, I love it.

Day 8: Day started off pretty badly. I went to bed really late last night but I still woke up after 6 hours because of my body clock. On top of being exhausted and unable to get my energy up for anything, I had digestive problems that felt like blockage and I'm not 100% sure why. Hopefully it doesn't require me to stop the supplements. It goes without saying that the supps did little to nothing to help me work through that discomfort which pokes holes in consistency. The other half of the day I was out with relatives and I actually felt good, not tired at all. If the supps have to work with me moving around then I'm kind of doomed. I wanna be able to relax WITHOUT my brain going a million miles an hour. This day gets a grade C.

Day 9: Today was rough. I was really close to not taking the supplements because I felt blocked up again but then I was afraid that I'd feel worse if it was helping my mood. Turns out it did nothing to take them. I was fidgeting and getting anxious and irritable for little to no reason all over again. I felt awful and I couldn't bounce back like I had been for the past week. I can only assume that my body got used to the supps that they don't work anymore, which has happened before. I'll be taking a break from them tomorrow to see if it fixes anything. It sucks so bad. Today is a grade C-.

Day 10: Day of usual mannerisms without the supplements. I fidgeted a lot and bounced my leg for hours while working. Blood pressure predictably went up when dealing with a stressful situation and I couldn't come down for hours. I didn't withdraw myself as much as I normally do but I wanted to. My digestive issues seem to have gone away, but there's no telling if holding off on the supps actually helped. I'll go back on them tomorrow, and hopefully I'll fare better than today. I didn't think my anxiety effected me this much. I want to mellow out again so bad...

Day 11: Morning started with irrational anxiety in the early hours. I took the supplements but it didn't seem to help as much as it did when I started. I fidgeted a lot and my leg bounced like crazy and I couldn't stop for more than a minute even though it was sore. I was easily irritated and it got to my gut a few times. That being said my gut did feel more calm than the rest of my body. I'm not sure what that means. I'm trying to think rationally about how my day went, if I'm thinking the supps worked somewhat or if I was in a rare middle ground between my ADHD symptoms and actually being zen. I'm going to take another break from them tomorrow.

Day 12: A VERY trash day. I wasn't feeling great to begin with because I made myself mad about something having been wide awake at 4 in the morning and going down a rabbit hole of things that made me upset. But the day went on even worse with everything putting me on edge. I had to keep my composure multiple times and didn't have the time to step away to burn off the pent-up stress. My insides hurt from the anxiety, I couldn't keep my phone down for a minute because I kept getting impatient, and withdrew myself multiple times when I lost interest in the phone. I was in fight mode the entire day and I felt horrible, I even relapsed I was so stressed. My morning set the rest of the day's faults into motion, but I feel like I had the same type of day last week when I was taking the supps; last week I didn't have it in me to care because I was so relaxed. I'm sure the supps could have saved me. Hopefully they save me tomorrow.

Day 13: Took the supps again and I was only half as wired as yesterday. I fidgeted and bounced my leg as much as yesterday. But even if I got aggravated and withdrew myself from things, my insides weren't turning this time. So I felt overall the same except there wasn't pain, just distraction.

Day 14: Took the supps a few hours later than usual. Since it's the weekend there's not much to report because I'm not interacting with anyone/anything.

Day 15: I didn't take the supplements because I woke up late in the day and I was preoccupied playing a video game for hours on end.

Day 16: Took the supplements in the morning. Lots of leg bouncing and messing with my phone when I was losing focus with the main task. There were a few rather irritating moments but I was able to find my center again pretty quickly. Not too much internal pain that also couldn't be resolved quickly.

Day 17: A little better for focusing but the day itself gave me a pretty good break. Otherwise, same as yesterday.

Day 18: Didn't take the supps because I had a dentist appointment and just forgot, how ironic. I also figured that since half of my day wouldn't be for work, which is why I'm taking supps in the first place, I'd hold off anyway. That being said I really do think they're tied to my digestive system, for the worse. Skipping days is kind of the only solution for my body to function like it has to. Also whether it was because I only spent half the day at work or maybe the pace of work was just low-maintenance enough, I felt pretty calm. I even had a client accusing me of giving attitude just because I wouldn't change my answer or underwhelmed tone to something she liked and I didn't even have an internal reaction to it like I normally would; like I would usually feel guilty for "making" someone think that way of me even if I was in the right, so that was pretty good. I think I still had a lot of leg bouncing tho.

Day 18: Took the supps, same vibe as day 16. I tried doing yardwork and I was able to see the wasp nest, it nearly looks like a leaf!! I hope I have the strength tomorrow morning to douse them in the soap water so I can finally finish the brush. I have to mow the lawn this weekend.

Day 19: Didn't take the supps today to avoid possible digestion issues, but now I'm wondering if I'm just not eating enough lately? It's hard to say, especially right now because my teeth hurt from my recent ortho visit so I'm eating little already. I finally did more yard work after throwing soap water on the wasps. Going off topic for a minute I low-key feel bad I had to end them; they were smack dab in the middle of the brush before I started cutting it down (which is miraculous that I was able to do as much as I did without getting stung), and it was made of all different plants and smilax practically making a fortress around their leaf-sized nest. But that's how life goes. Back on topic I had a really hard time focusing on work, all the usual habits at max operation which I wasn't proud of but at least I didn't get the painful anxiety like I usually would, I just didn't want to be where I was so kept having to redirect myself. It'd be nice to think that with the supps curbing my anxiety so many times that my body doesn't remember to react with it. Even with this morning when my sibling got distraught that her day program was cancelled I didn't blame myself over what I couldn't control like I usually do (that part could just be me in a better environment but it's worth noting to look back on). I'll rate today a C+

Day 20: Insomnia did its thing and I dozed in and out of sleep so took the supps late morning. This has nothing to do with the supps, but it was good cloudy weather to motivate me and finally finish taking out the brush in my yard, I'm so glad it's over. But it looks like the holy trinity of poison plants had been thriving, which explains the rash I got before and hopefully I didn't get it on me again. Looks like I did it for a better reason than just getting rid of the overgrowth. Now I'll get to focus on just mowing the lawn tomorrow which should also be in cloudy weather. Back to topic it's another weekend so not much to report. I'll say that in my hours of wrestling with sleep I was feeling on edge the way I do when I'm impatient, I think if I held off on taking the supps today despite being the weekend I'd find too many things to be aggravated about since the feeling started so early. Whether or not that would actually happen there are more pros for me to take them if it means calming my nerves.

Day 21: Didn't take the supps because I mowed the lawn first thing in the morning. I didn't eat or drink so it was pretty hard on me, I hate cutting grass. I was too physically exhausted after finishing, so everything in my day was done slowly and taking supps felt pointless because of it. Hard to say how I honestly feel mentally being "off-meds" but I guess there is one point to make; I got a phone call with news that irritated me because I don't like the person but I didn't get too enraged about it. And right when I say that- I get another phone call from the same caller and now I'm low-key enraged. The only thing that's saving me is that they're not calling to spout BS again. But boy is it hard for me to think critically right now I'm fuming. Guess it's just a day where stuff happened and it ended on a sour note...

Day 22: I took the supps a little later today just to see if it would help me with my digestion issues. I really can't tell. I started cramping today so everything feels painful regardless of what's going on, no better no worse. My reaction to inconvenient things hasn't been too bad, but again my cramps sort of evens out any other pain I could feel. At least it was manageable.

Day 23: Didn't take supps because the cramps got worse, as they do by the second day. I tend to fast with sips of coffee to be on the safe side. I couldn't tell if my day was worse without the supps because my cramps already make the day. I did fidget a bit and had to mess with my phone and spaced out, but as usual I'm more interested in my nerves not going haywire. I'm not sure how many of the supplements I have left but it seems they're inconsistent for me. I'll still take them as a potential mood stabilizer, I love not being on edge all the time.

Day 24: Took supps a few hours after waking up to give my digestive system a chance to function normally. I made a good call, but it made me wonder if it "functioning" is tied to my stress levels because that's what it felt like this morning particular; I made plans to get my car battery checked out and made myself nervous that something bad would happen while I was away- all of a sudden I'm going to the bathroom multiple times. That being said I don't feel all too different after the supps. I waited on a phone call that never happened and I hate phone calls so that sucked too. I got ice cream though.

Day 25: Second time taking supps later in the morning, it worked well again. I'll keep it up, even though it means I'm more at risk in forgetting since I'm not doing it first thing.

Day 26: Same as yesterday. Personal note, I got a horrendous headache after making and eating tortellini and nothing's helping it go away. Maybe it was too much dairy because I drank milk with it? I hope nothing's developing.

Day 27: Headache from yesterday took half of today to finally leave. I completely forgot to take the supplements. I'm sure there was correlation between that and my depressive mood after a phone call from relatives made me feel self-conscious. The mood got to a point that I wasn't willing to do anything, even taking the supplements to try and turn it all around.

Day 28: Took supps today, I also ate more of the leftover tortellini and a headache is forming. I didn't even eat that much of it. It's too bad because that alfredo sauce recipe was really good. Might be too much dairy- or maybe it's just the ricotta? Later I was in a pretty bad mood because of my Ndad aggravating me. It was rough having to control my anger as much as I did, I'm sure it would have been way worse if I didn't take the supps.

Day 29: Bad mood from yesterday carried over and made me feel pretty foul prior to starting my day. I took the supps first thing when waking up because I was already getting so angry at the world and naturally I was backed up because of it. Once again I had to work hard to control my anger, but it worked out pretty well when I eventually cooled off. That wouldn't have happened if I didn't have the supps to control my nerves, it saved me from getting stressed me out even more. The day itself was also pretty good, I give it an A.

Day 30: Didn't take supps because I took them so early yesterday. Day was good, I was hardly moody unlike yesterday. I even woke up with energy. Watching out for that one.

Day 31: Day was tough because I couldn't focus despite the supplements- but at this point I've established I'm taking them for my anxiety so it's not new. I'm sure it was the day itself just not working with me, at least I was pretty calm about it, just very uninterested. Unrelated, I learned the hard way what happens when you eat half an overripe avocado; partially related, the pain of it made my lack of focus worse. Not having the best luck with food lately! That's it, I'm ordering a pizza tomorrow...

Day 32: I ordered the pizza and it was good. No digestion problems on that front, while I took my supps at the usual late-morning. I felt tired out by the end of the workday, and it turns out my coworkers got a lot taken out of them this week too. So that makes me feel better with how little I've been able to focus, it's really has been because of the work environment. I do genuinely believe the supps made the day better, even if the day itself was crappy. This may be the most personal entry I've written. That would probably be the case for the next five days that remain for my batch of bacopa. Spoiler alert I have another but one more week would conclude the daily logs.

Day 33: No supplements because weekend and no events.

Day 34: No supplements because weekend and no events.

Day 35: Day started good, I wasn't even tired when I woke up. I took the supps later in the day, usual mannerisms but no anxiety internally.

Day 36: Self-sabotaged myself because I went to bed at midnight because I was so awake for some reason. Spent the day really tired so I kept off from the supps since they make me tired. Day was I guess alright despite that, I guess (too tired to think of all aspects).

Day 37: Forgot to take sups on my day off. Day went fine.

Day 38: Took supps because I knew I would be stressed by an uninvited guest. The encounter wasn't too aggravating but still annoying. Didn't focus on anything important to me because they were such an elephant to the very end. I was already thinking how much of my day they stole but I wasn't too up in arms about it internally.

Day 39: Writing this days later. Can't remember for the life of me if I took the supps or not. I want to say yes...

Day 40: Took supps but nothing big happened to report any effect, because it's the weekend.

Day 41: Woke up later in the morning, got sucked in to a video game. Didn't take the supps.

Day 42: Didn't take supps because I didn't have my usual morning bathroom movements and wanted to wait it out- took all day before anything finally happened but then the day was over. Day was fine though, but I did want to take them. I was pretty tired anyway because of sleep debt from the past few days so it's probably meant to be.

Day 43: Took supps first thing in the morning rather than waiting like I usually do, didn't seem to effect my digestion much so that's good. Felt impatient throughout work and even irritated although my performance was better. Worth noting that I didn't have the internal pain despite feeling pissy, can't tell how often I'm without when I'm on the supps.

Day 44: Didn't take any because I forgot. Day was okay-ish despite that. I underperformed at work a little compared to yesterday because I was more relaxed. I don't think that correlates with me not being medicated.

Day 45: Average day with the supps. Didn't focus at all because I was preoccupied with how my day wasn't going my way. Supps might have helped in keeping me from being too preoccupied with the day.

Finished bottle- with one pill left over.

#My posts #bacopa monnieri #Anxiety #Symptomatic adhd #nootropics

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greyzoneeeeee · 11 months

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Ever so present, but invisible.

I had my first panic attack when I was 12. I went to the doctor once as a teenager(around 16/17) about it because I wasn't coping- at that time it was some sorta "Acute Anxiety" and I got a Valium elixir to help take the edge off. That actually did help, but he wouldn't repeat the prescription because it was easy to get addicted to it. Which was a good decision in hindsight. I did start getting better so never really went back to the Doctor about it. However I would say I was just getting used to living with it, and knowing it was anxiety. So I'd say I'm currently living with some sorta functioning chronic anxiety of some sort. But I can't be bothered going to the Doctor about it. Anyway, in an effort to sooth whatever is bugging me atm, and to reassure others out there, here's a list of every anxiety symptom I've ever had.

Age 12 - Random sudden onset panic attacks. Related to flying away from home for the first time and starting high school soon. Obviously didn't even know the word "Anxiety" then. Mum and dad didn't really either but the mobile doctor told me to breathe into a paper bag and that was it lol. For reference this was 2004/2005. So it was a different time back then. Age 13-15 - This was the first three years of high school. I didn't really have panic attacks and my only symptom was "weird breathing". That was the only way I could describe it at the time. Essentially it's the obstructed breathing. Either inhaling or exhaling would feel like I was breathing through an obstruction. But at the same time I knew I COULD breathe, which I think is how I've been able to keep most panic attacks away. I'm definitely prone to health anxiety, and I've always been scared of having trouble breathing (Mum had asthma). So I learnt very quickly that the only person who was gonna be able to reassure me...was myself. Year 12 - Despite being scared to go to high school, now I was scared to leave the security of school. So this year was absolute anxiety hell lol. I watched a scary movie at the cinema and it just set all the symptoms off and running into most of the year. Weird breathing, occasional panic attacks if I let myself entertain the anxiety too much, light-headed, trouble focusing and staying present at home and school, numb/tingling/shaking hands and feet, feeling an obstruction in my throat when swallowing(this one + the weird breathing kept me up at night), feeling like I couldn't breathe if I was lying flat so I slept on like 7 pillows, difficulty falling asleep, mild stomach cramps/indigestion. I'd have weird breathing basically all day and night, every day, at home and at school. The only time it left was when I played sport at school or did after school stuff. Again, this worked as a reassurance that it was JUST anxiety, and nothing physical. Despite being anxious constantly, knowing it was anxiety was the only thing keeping it from getting worse than it was lol. That was the year I went to the doctor to get Valium. I think by the end of the year I was mooostly better. For a long time after that the only anxiety symptom I would get was the "weird breathing". Most times I didn't know what I was even anxious about, but it would quietly just exist for a bit then leave. Because it is one of the oldest symptoms, I'm very familiar with it. So it doesn't stress me out much anymore when I have it.

In the last few years a few new friends have appeared. The older one is a new branch of weird breathing where I can breathe clearly buuut it feels like my lungs are too small for the amount of air I want to inhale, like I can't quuuuite get a full breath. It ends up making me yawn a lot, and if I distract myself or wait a bit I can get that good full breath I'm looking for. Doesn't happen all the time, but comes and goes in phases. It's not particularly stressful to have...but it is annoying. I had a random sensation in my throat for like a week, constantly. When swallowing, when eating, when doing nothing, it was really getting to me. Then when I went drumming for a few hours it left and never came back. So that's how I knew that was anxiety. The second friend came a little bit after that throat sensation. I went to swallow some food and my throat basically panic blocked it from going down. I FREAKED out, internally. Heart rate shot through the roof, full flight-mode hahaha. Swallowing issues really freak me out, and I think it's closely connected to the breathing anxiety. So basically any sort of suffocating/choking/inability to breathe/drowing are big fears that I seem to have always had. Anxiety is really good at finding those fears and manifesting them into physical symptoms lol. Anyway, the only thing that calmed me down was that it was the same sensation I had when I was younger and tried to swallow tablets. I was scared of swallowing tablets (hence the Valium elixir), and my throat would panic block them from going down - which in turn makes you panic more cause you feel like you're choking. It was the exact same feeling. That plus the fact I knew I was swallowing liquids just fine. So eventually that settled down. It does come and go still. It has also resulted in me being a liiitle spooked when eating certain foods like noodles in any broth, ddeokbokki, japchae because the noodles are so slimey. I do think about it when I go out and eat those foods, which means it tries to creep in. I'm able to be more present now though and not just panic, so if I feel like a bit of food swallows awkwardly I stop, take very mindful inhale through my nose, work some saliva in my mouth and push the food to the back of my mouth with my tongue then swallow it. Again my reassurance is it's not with every food, and it's never at breakfast and lunch, it's only dinner. It's anxiety, it's your brain, you are physically okay.

Mum never resonated with anxiety until she got it in her later years, but she always wished she could help me when I was younger. Dad I think instinctively knew I wouldn't gain anything from telling him how I felt LOL. Most of my friends weren't helpful, one of them didn't even think anxiety existed. I had one friend who I think was going through something similar, but we were young and she would listen to me but couldn't really help me. That was as a teenager. Now as adults we both talk about anxiety openly, she's incredibly reassuring to talk to because when she talks about her symptoms I know I'm not alone in how I feel.

I also was getting mild tooth aches near a tooth I was sus about earlier this year. I hadn't been to the dentist since pre-covid so I think I was stressing about the fact it had been a while and what if something was wrong, and I kept putting off booking an appointment cause I hate ringing people lol. Tooth ache left within days of booking that appointment, teeth were fine and I didn't even need any fillings. I was shocked hahahah.

Also sometimes if it takes me a while to sleep I'll get anxious about not being able to sleep. Then my brain keeps thinking and thinking and thinking. Mainly before a big day or event if I have to be up hella early for it. I kinda just put up with it, tell myself I'm being a turkey, distract with my phone if I need to. But above all that, DON'T LOOK AT THE TIME! For me at least, knowing the time makes it worse. Even if I'm not actively stressing....It'll quietly niggle at the back that I'm "running out of time". Even though I know I've functioned just fine with no sleep before, and the sleep the night after is suh gooood.

So....yeah that's where we are now in the early 30's. There are a few more obscure symptoms I've had but I don't remember them atm, will add them if I remember.

#Anxiety #Anxiety Symptoms #A small list lol

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palavrasdeputaria · 2 years

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I can feel the rain today

It's too early again, I seem to lose more and more sleep everyday

I had a dream about working at Trader Joe's which hasn't happened in a long time.

Very often I still remember that during the height of the pandemic, while most of the world was baking bread and staving off boredom I woke up every single day at 3am and went to work.

We were told we weren't allowed to wear masks and gloves at first

Then eventually they let us, then eventually we were required to if we wanted to work

You know that wearing a mask a glasses reduces your field of vision and can cause you have panic attacks? So you have to go to the doctor and get on medications to manage your anxiety so you can keep going to work.

I spent days arguing with my manager and the company, lost a promotion, which in the long run was better. Staged a sit in on my day off and got written up the next day. Got everyone in the company free lunches for 8 months.

Beyond all of that what really changed my life, possibly forever, was spending over a year asking myself one question

"Is today the day I get Covid and then I will die?"

Did that customer get too close? Did I remember to wash my hands? Did I just touch my face? How do I step away without them getting mad? Do I have the energy to be called a stupid bitch today? I wonder if they'll spit on me? I wonder if they'll throw something? I also worried about my girlfriend at home and there were many days that I sat in my car and cried before coming home. I was terrified I would get her sick and she didn't have insurance like I did.

All of which happened multiple times.

I knew if I got Covid I would die, because I am a fat latinx person who smokes and doesn't have class privilege. I would die, I would be left to die.

I really let go of a lot of dreams of a future because I was sure I was going to die.

Eventually I had to carry a piece of paper that said I was allowed to leave my house and I heard helicopters constantly and planes and i saw police lights everywhere when I went to work alone in the morning.

That opened so many different fears. Fears of being taken away by the police, generational fears of just being disappeared. Fears of being beaten by them after watching anyone in my neighborhood that happened to be on a sidewalk at the right moment become a punching bag.

When I was a child I used to have dreams that the military was going to come and take me away. I think in my child mild, hearing about the dictatorship in hushed tones from other people eventually made my think that when my brothers got deported they had been disappeared. Which I guess I wasn't completely wrong, but at least we knew where they were.

I also suffered an injury that I think has left me disabled. That's a whole other thing I need to unpack though, even as I've cried multiple times this week because I can't get my laundry out of the washer. I spent a lot of money buying a nice washer and dryer because they were really important to me and I can't even use them. Oh the irony? Tragedy? misery?

Eventually I was able to leave that job and immediately I was so afraid to leave the house. All of that fear that had been sitting, festering, growing just consumed me. I didn't want to go ANYWHERE. I wanted to finally have the pandemic experience that everyone else had. I wanted to not fear for my life or the life of the woman I loved. I wanted to binge watch all the shows and take up a hobby.

You kept asking me to go places and I just wasn't ready. I was not ready. I needed time to be, but I guess that wasn't very fun for you.

I spent way too much money on food delivery because going into grocery stores sent me into a panic. Still does in fact.

I have to go shopping for food soon and I don't know if I can do it alone. I also haven't been able to get anyone to go with me so I'll have to figure it out. I just don't know if I've seen anyone really explicitly say "I lived in fear for my life for over a year and I cannot seem to shake that now"

I’ve lived in fear for my safety and my life in so many ways over my existence, but this was too much added on top. At that time I really wanted to live too. I had just left an abusive marriage, I was in a really fulfilling relationship, I saw a future for myself for once. I really did see something that could have been happy and beautiful and real.

I lost that, slowly, over a year of being terrified always. I remember my therapist telling me, I think almost as a joke, that my trauma made me particularly suited to be able to go through this. Like my disassociation was a good skill.

I thought you saw all of that because you were there, but I forget that I'm very good at hiding things until I'm not.

I also stopped masking, stopped stopping myself from expressing or existing how I really was. I’ve tried a couple of times to put myself back in that box and it’s very hard. I think I may have used my lifetime supply. I always imagined myself as a little stuffed animal, maybe a squirrel or a chipmunk, that keeps putting things into it's mouth and pretending it's not all protruding in a messy way. I keep moving and functioning like it's not absolutely obvious that I am filled to the brim and burdened.

Eventually something pushes it over the top and I bust at the seams releasing all of my insides. Then I spend a while healing enough to be able to crawl around and start shoving everything back in. When I finally got Covid it wasn't as scary, by that time I had been double vaxxed and double boosted. But it did still open a serious well of fear in me, a lot of fear came spilling out. All kinds of fear. The kinds of fear I'm never supposed to share with anyone.

#exhausted #tired #heartbreak #fear #to the moon and back #missingmimi #essential #afraid

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spencerreidsworld · 2 years

Text

dance with me - spencer reid

synopsis: the BAU gang goes out for a rare night of dancing and fun, and it ends unexpectedly for the reader.

category: fluffy, no smutty but definitely kinda saucy

word count: 2.9k+

a/n: if anyone wants to request anything, literally anything criminal minds related (doesn't just have to be ol spence) I would be absolutely honoured to write for you:)) you can request here

masterlist

part 2

I could feel him staring at me from across the dimly lit room. As the music pulsed up through the floor, I could feel it in my ribcage and had to do everything in my power not to sneak a glance in his direction. I did my best to distract myself by focusing on my immediate surroundings, watching my closest friends laugh and dance together under the strobing lights. It was rare that all the members of the BAU would make it out for a night of partying together, but when it did happen, we sure as hell knew how to have a good time. I watched as Penelope and Derek danced to the beat together, Derek leaning down to whisper something I’m sure was provocative in her ear as a smile spread across her face, lightly hitting his chest in rebuttal. I smiled slightly. JJ and Emily were standing slightly off to the side, and I could tell Emily was trying to persuade JJ to come further onto the dance floor and participate in a bit of fun for once. She was shaking her head lightly as Emily pulled at her hand, looking at her with the most convincing face she could muster as she said something I couldn’t make out over the loud music as Rossi watched in amusement as he leaned against the bar. Even Hotch was (sort of) dancing, awkwardly swaying back and forth with Haley in the cheesy, married couple way they always did. But there was someone missing, and his eyes were burning into the side of my face, my neck, and down my body all the way to my feet as he sat at our designated booth beside the dance floor. It was taking a lot for me to pretend I didn’t notice his gaze, and I couldn’t resist dancing a bit more provocatively as he watched me. I leaned my head back, throat exposed as the lights changed colours above me and my hair slid over my shoulders and down my back. It was like he had lasers built into his pupils, and I could feel the heat his stare carried no matter where it moved. But it never left my body. The urge to glance over at him was getting harder and harder to resist by the second, and I could picture exactly what he was doing while he unabashedly watched me-fingers wrapped around his glass of water, tapping on it to the music as the condensation from the ice wet the pads of his fingertips. The thought was enough to make me visibly shiver.

Spencer and I had always had something extra between us since the day I joined the unit. I couldn’t for the life of me fathom how everyone saw him as some dorky weirdo when to me he was the most unintentionally charming man I had ever come across. I found myself fumbling around him just as much as he did me, which was not uncommon for him, and yet still didn’t deter me from getting a full body flush of heat through me every single time we made eye contact or he said my name. Despite the fact that he was unbearably sweet and inexperienced around women, flustered when one simply spoke more than 3 words to him, it was as if he knew the affect he had on me and played it to his advantage. It wasn’t hard for him to notice what he does to me, however; one of the team’s favourite pastime was teasing me relentlessly about it until I got so red in the face they thought I might pass out. After a few years around each other though, I managed to reign in the blatant panic he caused when he was around me and seemed to have toned it down to a mild asthma attack. We both knew the reactions we could get out of each other, and as professional behaviour profilers, we had fun poking at each other and pulling the exact right strings to get the reaction we wanted. It was a twisted little game we had always played, and as time went on the attraction seemed only to grow stronger and the harmless banter seemed to have a much more unspeakable undertone to it. And I enjoyed every moment of it.

I wondered then what it would take to get him to come dance with me, and I had to stifle a smile at the thought of Spencer trying to dance to club music along with the rest of us. As his face continued to flood my mind, I finally broke and looked up from where I was on the dance floor to find his dark eyes meeting mine almost instantly. He had this look about him, an almost devilish smirk gracing his face as he watched me dance, hands around his glass just like I knew they would be. His hair was disheveled more than usual, and he was donning a dark dress shirt and a tie, loosened around his neck now that we were in a more relaxed environment. He looked so sexy, and for someone with such a wide vocabulary I almost wanted to laugh at the fact that I couldn’t come up with a better word to describe him as I studied him sitting there. His face was almost taunting me, looking at me in a way I couldn’t even begin to think about if I wanted to make it through tonight without ripping his clothes off in the dirty bar bathroom. The alcohol may have been playing a small part in my inability to keep such feelings to myself, and it irked me that Spencer was sitting there, dead sober, toying with me when he knew my inhibitions were lowered.

I began walking towards him slowly, the ice in my nearly empty drink clinking along with the music. His eyes never left me, he virtually never even blinked, and I narrowed my eyes, attempting to win our little staring contest as I got closer. He slowly spun his glass on the table as he watched me approach him, his long hair slicked back in a way that drove me absolutely fucking nuts. I was a professional adult, an FBI agent for God’s sake, and this man made me melt into a puddle just by the way his hair looked. I felt ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. As I slid into the booth across from him I couldn’t help but feel like I had had one too many cocktails, setting my glass down on the table. I knew he could tell too, which pissed me off even more. It was like he always had the upper hand on me, and it made me feel like an embarrassed teenager, which somehow only attracted me to him more. He was a confident man, yes, and incredibly intelligent, but there was something about the fact that he made me nervous, and he knew how to make me nervous, that held an unspeakable amount of power over me, which was wildly out of character for him in his day-to-day life.

“Having fun?”

His voice broke me out of my cyclical thoughts about him, and I looked up from the surface of the sticky table to meet his eyes. He was still just looking at me, in that hungry way that he always did that made my stomach tighten with excitement. I could smell his cologne across the small table, and that mixed with the alcohol rushing through my blood was absolutely intoxicating. He always smelled so good. I nodded as my cheeks flushed hot, and I cursed myself and wished I didn’t have a sense of smell. Why could I never just be cool around him? When I was dancing, I knew exactly how I should move to entice him, and that was why he was watching me. I had moments where our power dynamic could be flipped, but once I was face to face with him, my abilities lessened significantly. His sleeves were rolled halfway up his forearms, and his silver watch glistened in the light as I scanned his body shamelessly, knowing I shouldn’t but physically unable to take my eyes off of him. The same went for him, however, which made me feel a little better. He hadn’t stopped watching me since he’d arrived at the bar, pulling his scarf off over his head as he made his way to our booth and scanning my body the same way I was to him right now.

“Are you?” I finally responded out loud, looking back up from his slightly unbuttoned shirt and loosened tie, watching him lick his lips and shrug, a small smile playing on his face.

“You know me.” He said, taking a sip of his water. “This isn’t generally my kind of scene.”

I nodded again. He was right. Persuading Spencer to come out and join us on a night off was even rarer than having the night off in the first place. The tiny, drunk voice in the back of my head told me the only reason he ever came out with us was because of me, and I had to agree with her. The rest of the team thought so too: before I joined, he never did anything outside of work with them, no matter how much they begged. It sparked excitement in me, knowing that I held even a little bit of power over him, knowing he came along to see me in a dress, to sit close to me in a booth and giggle quietly with me as we watched our friends get drunk across from us. I cherished those moments with him. Our knees touching under the table sent jolts through my body and when he leaned in to whisper things in my ear and brush my hair carefully out of the way as he did so was enough to make me shudder.

“I have to admit, I do enjoy watching you dance out there, though.” He spoke again. The moment his words registered in my mind, a slow smile spread across my face as I shook my head, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear as I met his eyes again.

“Is that so?” I quipped, raising an eyebrow as his smirk grew. I couldn’t help but pick up on the pink tinge sprinkling across his cheeks as I watched him intensely. Ha. Gotcha.

“Yes,” He replied simply, making my smile grow bigger. “But you knew that.”

I let out a short laugh, lifting my drink to my lips.

“Perv.” I responded, causing him to snort. He shook his head at me in disbelief, a single strand of his gelled hair falling forward as he looked down into his cup.

“You’re really something, you know.”

“Wow, Spencer Reid, at a loss for words?” I smirked, leaning forward and crossing my arms on the cool table, watching as he did his best to not let his eyes drop below my face. He shook his head again, unable to come up with a response as I watched him intently. “Why don’t you come dance with me then?” I added.

“No way.”

I jutted my lip out in a pout, tilting my head forward, and I watched as he shifted in his seat as he scanned my face. He was so tall, I felt our knees bump under the table and despite his anxious exterior, he still knew how to keep the upper hand: he slowly slid his leg until he was pushing mine apart so he could position his comfortably in between, watching my reaction as his eyes repeatedly flicked between my mouth and my eyes. I spread my legs slowly beneath the table as he nudged them, trying to ignore the exhilarating feeling through my muscles from where his leg had touched both of mine. He leaned forward to meet my stance, clasping his hands together a mere inch from where my forearms were crossed on the table. I couldn’t stop staring at his hands, and he knew it.

“Why not?” I tried to bring my thoughts back to the conversation about dancing at hand, despite the fact that he knew the affect he was having on me physically.

“I don’t dance.” He said simply. I felt a twinge of disappointment in my chest, even though I had been expecting his response. I looked at him with the most lovesick puppy dog eyes I could muster, and with a burst of alcohol-induced confidence, I uncrossed my arms and reached over, tracing my fingertips across his forearm as I once again took in his deeply intoxicating scent, trying not to make it look like I was breathing him in. He all but flinched at my touch, and I had to try my hardest not to smirk. I bit my lip, keeping eye contact with him as he floundered beneath my touch, and I could tell he was doing his best not to look away. It excited me when I got to tease him the way he always teased me.

“What about for me?” I said softly, looking down at his lips as I continued running my fingers down his arm. He stuttered for a moment and I looked back up to meet his eyes as he scanned my face desperately. “Please?”

I could tell that my soft, pleading tone had gotten to something deep inside of him. His eyes flashed in a way I had rarely ever seen from him, and it set a fire in the pit of my stomach. He wanted me, so fucking badly, and it was spectacular. Before I could open my mouth to say anything else, he was standing quickly and moved towards me, his height all too obvious as I sat and stared up at him in shock.

“Let’s go.” He said, holding his hand out and staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite place. I placed my hand in his outstretched one and his fingers closed around mine immediately, pulling me up so swiftly that I felt all the blood rush to my head and I swayed slightly. Spencer wasted no time in catching me at the waist, surprisingly strong for such a scrawny guy. It turned me on feeling his large fingers spreading against the fabric of my dress, pulling me closer to him and steadying my body. Even in high heels I was still a head shorter than him, my cheek pressing against his shoulder as he caught me. I was acutely aware of his skin at that moment, my nose brushing against the scruff of his neck, his stubble tickling me as I pulled back. He didn’t move his hand from my waist as he led me to the dance floor, which at this point in the evening was crowded with people. I couldn’t spot anyone from our group, but I knew they were around somewhere. Spencer’s sudden dominance was dizzying. Despite our taunting back and forth, neither of us had any guts to make any sort of move until now. Once we had reached the middle of the dance floor, he slid both hands down to my hips and gently tugged me closer until I was flush against his body. I almost lost my balance again simply from the feeling of being so damn close to him, and I pressed my hands against his chest to steady myself. The music was loud and the beat strong, and Spencer moved surprisingly smoothly, catching me off guard as he pulled me along with him to the rhythm of the song. I caught up as quickly as I could, moving in sync with him and sliding up hands up around his neck as he dipped his head to get closer to me. He had left me breathless plenty of times over the years, but this was different. He didn’t seem nervous at all, and holding me against him amidst the crowd came naturally, as if we were meant to fit together.

“Is this okay?” He murmured, his lips brushing across my ear as I felt his breath hot on my neck, causing goosebumps to sprinkle down my bare arms. I nodded slightly as best as I could, praying he wouldn’t notice my blatant physical reaction to him.

The next few minutes were spent moving together in the heat of the club, feeling his hot breath fan against my skin and growing impossibly closer. The music finally slowed and people began clearing away from the dance floor, going for smoke breaks and to get refills on drinks long gone. When we finally broke apart I felt almost empty, and the sudden absence of his warmth against me caused a chill to go through my body. His hand never left my waist, his confidence unwavering still. I watched him carefully as the song slowed down and morphed into some sort of lovesick ballad, the irony making me want to laugh out loud as my feelings bubbled up inside me.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Spencer broke the silence first and my eyes widened in surprise.

“I-what?” I stuttered, tripping over my own words.

“Do you want to come to my place?” He asks a different question now. It takes everything in me not to let my jaw drop to the floor, my heart stopping still in my chest.

“Um- I-” I couldn’t stop myself from stuttering and tried to calm down.

Spencer watched me expectantly as I took a deep breath.

“Yes.” I said firmly, nodding. “Yes, I definitely do.”

He laughed softly, catching my hand in his at my side as he turned to begin walking to the exit.

“Good.”

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oomisluvr · 3 years

Text

wisdom teeth removal, a drabble

synopsis: kiyoomi gets his wisdom teeth removed and wants nothing more than to be with you. sakusa is very whiny and you indulge him in his requests. mild suggestiveness, heavy fluff. beware.

"alright, everything went smoothly. just make sure he doesn't touch his mouth too much and be sure ice his face to lessen the swelling. other than that, you guys are set! you're free to go home whenever." the nurse spoke clearly and professionally, moving to hand you the painkillers kiyoomi would need in a few hours. you reach out your hand and take it.

"thank you so much. i hope he didn't give you too much trouble." both you and the nurse look over kiyoomi's state. he practically unconsious, barely able to life his head and breathing slowly.

"he did just fine. it's funny really; when we had him count down from ten when we administered the anesthetic, he passed before he could even begin counting. most people don't knock out until five or less."

"that sounds like him. absolutely zero tolerance for drugs. not so fun at parties," you joke. putting the medicine into your bag you approach him, speaking gently, "hey big guy, it's time to go home now." he jerks his head up and looks at you wide eyed.

"we can't go yet, i have to have surgery!" he mumbles through the gauze in him mouth, writhing in his chair to showcase his discomfort. dazed and confused, he reaches his hands to dig into his mouth. you reach out and stop him. his eyes get impossible wider, "they took my teeth already?"

"mhm, you're all good to go. now you get to go home."

"with you?"

"yes, baby."

"really?"

"yep, and komori is waiting outside to take us home."

he giggles, his hands grabbing yours to snuggle his face into them, "I get to go home with you, I get to go home with you," you remove his face from your hands and interlock your fingers with his, gently pulling his body so he could stand. he's smiling the whole time, "what do we get to do when we get home?"

you send him a sharp look, finally pulling him to his feet. he puts an arm over your shoulder and puts nearly all his body weight on you, "oomi, don't get any ideas. you need to rest when we get home."

he frowns, "no, i don't have practice for like the next week," he pouts, "rest with me."

"if you don't give me a hard time, we can stay in bed all day, alright baby?" he nods his head

"i won't be difficult, i promise."

---

it took all but eight minutes for sakusa to forget his promise. you've managed to sit him inside the passenger seat of the car, but he's throwing a tantrum because he also want to sit with you. the realization that he can't have both brings him to the verge of tears.

"no! the backseat makes me car sick, i wanna stay here!" kiyoomi whines, very distressed. you squat down to his eye level while he sits inside the car. you've been going back and forth for the past five minutes.

"okay, you can stay up here then, but i'll have to sit in the backseat since komori is driving." you hold his hands and slowly rub your thumb over his hand, trying to calm him down.

"no! i want you to sit with me."

"okay baby, if I sit with you, then you'll have to sit in the backseat." he shakes his head so violently, you thought gauze was going to fly out his mouth. his eyes look glassy.

"no, sit in the front with me! please?"

"kiyoomi, baby, that's illegal. if we do that, then komori will get in trouble. you don't want your cousin to get in trouble do you?" he sighs.

"no, i down want that to happen." he mumbles, looking down at his feet.

"alright, then it's your choice: the backseat with me or the passenger seat by yourself."

"i don't want to be by myself. i want to go with you."

"okay then. if you get motion sick, i'll take care of you. alright, baby? don't worry about it."

"yes, that's alright. please take care of me."

"then what are he doing here? c'mon, come with me."

"okay." he smiles softly.

clumsily, you two maneuver to the back seat. komori looks very amused at Sakusa's state. he shoots you a look that says 'damn, you're whipped' and you respond with a 'shut the fuck up' in your glare. both you and kiyoomi manage to get into the backseat after more whining, but luckily he's still feeling fine.

suddenly, he throws an arm over his eyes and groans loudly. you and komori share a look of panic.

"baby, what's wrong? are you feeling alright?"

"no," he doesn't meet your eyes, "i feel carsick." komori struggles to hide his laugh. you decide to entertain kiyoomi.

"already, omi? but the car isn't moving?" you feign shock.

"yes, i'm a very serious case."

"i'm sorry to hear that," you frown, faking pity, "is there something I can do to make it better?" he nods his head.

"you could sit on my lap." kiyoomi suggests. komori fucking loses it in the drivers seat, howling with laughter. you can't help but smile at his antics. who are you to deny him? especially in his state.

"poor baby," you coddle, maneuvering yourself to sit on his lap, legs thrown over his and an arm wrapped around his neck. your head rests on the window. "do you feel better yet, omi?"

he nods and wraps his arms around your torso, closing his eyes, "yes, i feel much better now."

komori meets you eyes in the rear-view, doing a poor job of masking his amusement, "ready to go?"

"yes," you sigh, "ready to go."

he puts the car in reverse, backing out of the parking lot before speeding away. the ride was mostly peaceful, until kiyoomi claims he's carsick again and demands that you kiss him to get rid of his nausea. the conversation you're having with komori gets interrupted nearly every two minutes. sakusa tries to count your eyelashes and pokes your eyebell several times. he pulls at the hair on the nape of your neck. he sticks his fingers in your belly button. he pinches and pokes at your face to get your attention. komori doesn't seem to mind.

upon arriving at your apartment, komori turns on the hazard lights and moves to open the car door for you and sakusa. kiyoomi, for the up tenth time that day, begins to whine very loudly."

"no!" he hugs you tighter, "i don't wanna get out. i wanna stay here."

"why don't you want to go home, my love?" you ask, softly stroking his cheekbone.

"i like when you're on my lap. we can't leave yet."

"i can sit on your lap when we get home," your voice drops an active and you lean to speak directly in his ear, "actually, i can do more than sit on your lap when we get home." komori gags. kiyoomi's eyes widen like he's having a heart attack. he acts like you don't keep him well fed.

"we need to get inside."

"mhm, that's what I thought. c'mon kiyo."

komori graciously helps you out the car, sending you a soft look you can't quite read. you don't focus on it for now, prioritizing the task of getting kiyoomi out of the car. it isn't that hard; he basically jumps out. he doesn't even look for your help anymore, stumbling towards the door to the complex. you move to chase after him, but komori stops you.

"y/n!" you look over your shoulder.

"yeah?"

"thank you," he leans on the car, "thank you for taking care of him. he's the best version of himself when he's with you." you both move to look at sakusa, pulling on a door clearly labeled push, accompanied with even more loud whining. you smile.

"there isn't anything else I'd rather be doing. the pleasure is all mine. drive safe, komori!" you wave him off. he nods and gets back into the driver seat, turning off the hazards and driving away.

"y/n! i think they locked us out!"

—————————

feedback is always appreciated <33

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gale-gentlepenguin · 3 years

Text

Paris was a warzone.

Shadowmoth's latest plan had torn Paris asunder.

Shadowmoth had once again found a way to utilize his powers in a far more disastrous manner.

Akumatized villains and Sentimonsters laid waste to Paris. The events of heroes day seemed mild in comparison.

The all powerful Scarlet Shadowmoth had put into action his most devastating plan.

Even the guardians that Su Han had called for reinforcements were akumatized and turned into soldiers for the diabolical villain.

However, Ladybug and her chosen heroes were quick to act. Shadowmoth did pull a few new tricks, such as making sure Rena Rouge had to face her akumatized family, including sentimonsters created from emotions resulting from her secrecy. Even Nino was utilized by the evil villain.

But despite all of that, Scarlet Shadowmoth had lost his special powers. And just like before, He stood face to face with ladybug and her partner.

"Its over Shadowmoth, your plan failed." Ladybug exclaimed with confidence. The red clad heroine was sure of herself. It was a tough battle, but Shadowmoth had no where else to go.

"Is that so?" Shadowmoth asked, his expression showing no signs of fear, panic or nervousness. Despite the situation, he was eerily calm.

"Check the math Shadowmoth, You don't have anymore sentimonsters or akuma's left to defend you. Meanwhile, Ladybug and I are up here ready to kick your feathery butt. Even if you try to escape there are dozens of heroes and guardians ready to take you down." The fox heroine next to Ladybug exclaimed.

"I suppose that is a fair point Rena Rouge. But I am not worried in the slightest by either of you or your little hero army." Shadowmoth dismissed.

"It doesn't matter how you feel, because this is the end." Ladybug retorted.

"Im going to enjoy prying those miraculous off of you after what you did to my family." Rena rouge cracked her knuckles, as she got into a fighting stance.

"Before we start, I must commend you Alya. You really adjusted well to being a miraculous user. You perfectly slid into your role as Ladybug's new partner."

The two teens stared at Shadowmoth in confusion. Why was the villain of Paris giving Rena Rouge high regards? It made little sense.

"What are you saying Shadowmoth?" Rena Rouge squinted at the villain, as if trying to peer into his mind to see what he is trying to hide.

"I am simply giving you a compliment. Though I am not surprised that Ladybug would have chosen you to be her new partner. You are far more competent then most. You did discover quite a lot about the miraculous even before she accepted you into the fold." Shadowmoth continued.

"Why do you keep saying new partner?" Ladybug questioned.

Shadowmoth grinned at the comment.

"Simply stating the facts. Why else would she be here at your side instead of someone else."

Ladybug's eyes went wide.

She had been so concerned with everything going on, she didn't even realize it.

Her confusion shifted to rage.

"What did you do to Chat noir?!"

Shadowmoth started to laugh.

"So you finally noticed. I must admit, I had sensed the divide growing between you and Chat noir for sometime, but it wasn't until Rena Rouge became more crucial did I see the true depths of it. His self doubt, his inadequacy, his low self esteem, and of course his jealousy of Rena Rouge. He couldn't exactly tell what was going on but he sure did feel the dynamic shift between you and him." Shadowmoth taunted.

"Answer me Shadowmoth!" Ladybug roared.

She charged at Shadowmoth only to get kicked back.

"I wasn't finished." Shadowmoth hissed. "Let me savor my moment."

Ladybug growled and got up, spinning her yo-yo she continued attacking. Shadowmoth continued to speak as she attacked.

"Though I admit he hid it well, he found a way to suppress those powerful negative emotions, never letting them stay for too long. I could never lock onto them. It was as if he was used to feeling miserable all the time. He likely hid it out of fear that you could replace him. You are the one in charge after all." Shadowmoth continued as he dodged ladybug attacks before kicking her back again.

Rena Rouge jumped in to try and fight with Ladybug but her attacks were equally as fruitless.

"So I needed something to push him over the edge. So a special sentimonster was created, one to trap him in the catacombs of Paris. Stuck in an ever shifting living maze. Yet he could see everything that was happening above. He could see the city being attacked, he could see you fighting and he could see how 'Perfectly' you saved the day without him."

Ladybug and Rena Rouge stopped attacking.

"Wait... you are making it sound like all of this was..."

"Exactly how I planned it. And the akuma I had in my staff which you broke and flung off the the tower minutes ago had made contact, but he has been fighting it for sometime, he is quite stubborn. "

A bluish purple outline appears over Shadowmoth's mask.

"Well that was perfect timing."

"No..." Ladybug muttered in horror.

" Chat Blanc! I give you the power of infinite destruction, to destroy anything and everything that causes you pain. In exchange, you will bring me Ladybug's miraculous."

It was quiet after Shadowmoth finished his speech. It was as if the world had stopped. But that silence was short-lived. A blast of white light bursted from beneath the city, creating a pillar of light into the Parisian sky.

A white figure jumped out of the creator once the light pillar had dissipated.

He started rushing to the well known French monument.

The guardians on the ground tried to stop him, but it was no use, he charged through like they were nothing more than insects against a windshield.

He used his staff and arrived on the floor the heroes and shadow moth were standing on.

"Excellent timing Chat Blanc."

Rena Rouge looked at the Cat as it stood there, next to Shadowmoth, silently watching them, expressionless.

"Ladybug we might need a lucky charm here" Rena Rouge said while not looking away from the cat.

"It happened again..." Ladybug muttered in horror. Her scars from her previous encounter with chat blanc had not faded. She still had vivid nightmares of the akuma cat. And right now, that nightmare was very much alive.

"Now Chat Blanc. Take the miraculous!"

"I shall."

Shadowmoth Laughed only to suddenly de-transform into Gabriel Agreste, right in front of the two heroes.

Chat Blanc had snatched both miraculous from him, and was looking at the villain with sharp eyes.

Rena Rouge's jaw dropped.

"Chat Blanc! How dare you disobey me! I am your..."

"You are nothing..."

Chat blanc cataclysmed the man before he finished his sentence.

"... but a failure of a father."

He turned his attention to Ladybug and Rena Rouge.

"Wow... that was excessive... But no worries. Just pass ladybug the akumatized item and we can undo all the damage done today." Rena Rouge said as she composed herself.

Chat Blanc raised his hand in the air.

"Cataclysm."

A ball of white light formed in his palm and began growing.

Ladybug snapped back to reality as the gravity of the situation became real.

"Chaton stop! You can't destroy everything! This isn't you!"

"Destroy Akuma Charms" He spoke

little balls of energy bursted out from the large cataclysm. The tiny energy balls located and destroyed every anti akuma charm Ladybug had ever created.

After that task was finished. Chat blanc lowered his hand, and a Cheshire grin appeared on his face.

"So I finally have your attention."

_____________________________________________________________

(Based a bit off this post)

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