#foggy words

[foggycuriosities]

All Return To The Fire

A little fic I wrote for my Benedict Baker muse and his return to the trials! I haven't written something for others to read in a long time and this was a destresser and practice so it's polished but not perfectly you may see a smudge here and there!

The strange figure walked through the cool fog eyes glazed over as he continued to mumble strings of sentences with no meaning. Only to him did they make any true sense and did it really matter if anyone else could understand him? No one was around….no one has been around in a long time. Not anyone who could talk to him at least. Oh well, he did run into that odd tattoo fellow a few…days? No Years. It’s been about….2? 4? 100? He didn’t really remember but he didn’t really care. The glazed-eyed man was covered in ice-like spikes that grew on his clothes only his clothes oddly enough. They clung to his thick worn leather boots and wrapped up legs and cloak. Some even grew on the staff he was using as support on the uneven rocky ground. He huffed waving his hand in slight annoyance as whispers only heard by him clung to his mind. He clutched a strange eye-like device he discovered forever ago and breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes slightly sparked back to life. “There we go…you pesky things can’t cloud my mind for too long! My dear swarming friend you must give me space at times.”

The fog around him swirled slightly as if it was responding to his words as a circle of about three feet surrounded him with no fog to be seen and he smiled as he reached into his pocket pulling out an odd-looking nut. Or seed perhaps? One could not tell as he flicked it into the fog. It was still for a moment before a slight ringing noise could be heard which caused the man to flinch slightly but he still held a smile as the white fog around him swirled and danced. 

Slowly he began to walk straighter his eyes becoming clearer and his mind much more like itself. That was when he noticed the spikes oh so dangerously close to his hand on the staff he used. With a surge of panic, he wrapped his hand in a scrapped pink pattern fabric that hung on him and began knocking off the spikes on his clothes and staff. The fog came closer to him almost as if it was…worried? To an outside source, this would be a very odd “exchange” indeed. The man sighed as he brushed his long ratty hair just in case some ice was tangled in there as well.

“My friend…well friends I suppose it’s getting dangerous where you lead me….my mind has been getting lost more and more…. And I haven’t been able to find any of my medicine here. I only find….” The man stopped walking as a ghostly thin hand covered in the same glowing ice that clung to him just a few moments ago poked out from the fog near his feet. He swallowed clutching the pendant tighter as he turned in a different direction not wanting to know what was attached to it. The fog swirled back around him clinging to his skin almost as he tried to focus on his fleeting thoughts. “....You’ve been leading me through what I can only assume is the void or parts near it from what I've seen and interacted with. It’s been…ravaging my mind and memory at a much more dangerous point I can’t. I can’t tell what are my thoughts or the memories of the dead around me. I’m slowly becoming….lost in these memories no longer can I really think as I used to I feel like a husk more and more an object to hold and collect these fragmented memories. I fear one day I won’t be able to leave here even with your protection…as well as the use of this device. My friends, I think our closeness may be..hurting me more than helping me at this point. “ The fog grew colder and thicker and the man reached a hand out almost as if he was petting it like an animal. “Please….I must….” The man bit his lip harshly as the fog went still it’s almost as if he was just standing in a pure white room at this point like an unused canvas. “......No I can’t. I need to leave this place but….I can’t go back I know that much.” The man suddenly hissed as odd noises and static filled his head he fell to his knees as if in pain as voices both whispers and screams echoed through his head. In multiple languages lost to time and yet to exist but he managed to still understand.

“It’s true….You shouldn’t stay here much longer. You’re…interesting Mister B. We will lead you away from this place and if your resolve is strong you’ll end up somewhere exciting!” The voice went away and the strange man took a loud breath gasping as if he just resurfaced from icey water. He looked down at his hands and realized his nose was bleeding he quickly whipped the blood up and stood up. Fear filled his heart momentarily as the fog seemed to clear up showing the twisted landscape filled with black trees knarled bark with screaming faces throughout and an odd pale glow covered the land. As an odd black tar seeped and flowed in odd directions to nowhere. He tried his best to gloss over the scraps of flesh and bodies sticking from the tar. Swallowing he gripped his staff tightly and began walking to try and leave the gorey scene but no matter where he turned it was all the same….this wasteland of tar and bodies. 

It wasn’t long until his mind began to fade again as memories not his own began to swirl and overtake his vulnerable mind. He tried to cling to his own racing confused thoughts and memories but he didn't really know if they were his or the others. Faces and voices blurred as his eyes glazed over again. Lost to the unknown chaos happening in his brain. He took up mumbling again but this time his words made more sense even though they were broken phrases and loosely qualified for sentences you could almost tell what he was talking about now. “I am…..an archivist and investigator….it was the end of summer….I came here to this hell.” “Hell, that's fueled by a plankton-shaped cat…a fat one…controlled by an arrogant “owner”....” Bits and pieces of his life and time in the fog were recited as he tried to hold onto his own mind in between bouts of pure madness. Unnoticed by him the landscape slowly turned into something more familiar to the outside. The screaming trees and black tar-soaked landscape with scraps of bodies slowly turned into dirt with patches of dead grass and other odd flora. It was by the help of the mysterious fog that followed him the glazed-over man didn’t trip and fall over rotten stumps and thick dead vines. It was still for a moment and soon his eyes began to focus on the fog around him as it danced with black shapes inside it and he soon realized the thoughts and memories that were racing through his mind were being played on the fog like a tv almost. It let him focus better and he concentrated on a blurry image of someone stumbling into a basement to find an odd-looking puzzle box and began to solve it. “That’s not mine…I’ve never found a box like that in the basement. This isn’t one of my memories.” The fog swirled again as it played more and more and Bakers eyes slowly became more unglazed as he furrowed and picked out pieces of his memories brushing away the ones that he knew weren’t his with his staff. The air that was once musty and thick with the taste of death became clearer and lighter….as odd pumpkins began to show up in the landscape with dark red glowing eyes and blue flesh instead of orange. The man looked at it momentarily with a surge of curiosity before being drawn back as the fog swirled in his face forcing him to decide if the memory before him was his or another. 

The fog darkened with the next memory as he watched a high-energy chase with a roar being heard in the background. The person jumped a pallet and…it seemed someone tried to follow but got sideswept by a large club. The blurred figure was taken and thrown roughly on a hook with a scream as the sounds of a door opening blared. The person looked at the now opened exit as someone bloody ran through to escape. He stopped his heart racing as he watched the face become clearer as the memory played from the view of this person as it unhooked and swapped places with the fancy-dressed person with eyeglasses and silver streaks in their hair. They then fled and exited the door as they looked at the down person with sorrow in their eyes that they couldn’t help the person who helped them. That person then got grabbed and harshly shoved through the same hook that once held the silver-streaked survivor. The man hung his head in shame almost as he whipped a stray tear from his eye as an eerie calmness filled his mind. “...that’s mine but…that’s not how it went….” The fog swirled showing the true events of what happened…the day he decided to leave. To walk deep into the fog and lose himself on his “terms”. The memory replayed restarting with the chase the pallet that was down in the previous version was up this time ready to be thrown. This memory version of himself without looking behind him threw the pallet behind him as he continued to run without any disregard for the person he knew was behind him. Instead trying to get the dashing demon to focus on the other survivor. He didn’t even turn to look at them as they cried in pain at being hooked. The injured person seemed hesitant to open the door but he simply opened it for them even leaving even before the injured person still not even looking back at the face of someone that was a dear friend. “That’s when I knew…they were in my mind. Infecting it. I would never do that…well I might have accidentally thrown the pallet but. I would never have done this to anyone..especially not to…” He felt a wordless command from the fog. “Say it their name.” A name he has not spoken a name he has blocked from his memory mostly. “V…Vigo….Benedict Baker would never have done that to them without remorse. Baker would not have done that and thought “that’s what you deserve for being so full of yourself.” because Vigo wasn’t most of the time heh….Baker would never had the heart or the soul to be cruel and scorned…. that's why  Bak- I left because…because it wasn’t safe! I was just in the beginning stages of becoming a tool of torture for the entity. I didn’t want to be under control so I tried to find a way to escape and just went mad instead but it was better….It was better than becoming someone who I’m not.” The fog cleared with a “nod” dissipating fully revealing an all too familiar area…well almost it still had the pale blue and pitch black trees but it now had stone hills and broken windows…and. Baker swallowed as he stared at the metallic gleam of a hook..why was he here? At the new place his foggy friend promised him did he past it? He turned around and saw a fat cat made of white fog and orange eyes it licked its paw in an odd way a bit uncanny how the paw curled almost appearing broken. Much calmer this time but still overwhelming the overlapping voices filled his mind as the cat looked at him. With deep orange eyes that almost hypnotized him. 

“You did it. With the help of that broken zYsjHansGGB “ The name distorted and scratched in his head causing him to flinch he felt woozy as memories filled his mind overwhelming him he could hardly focus as it still talked to him a small drop of blood dripping from his nose yet again.

“It still is protected by them but you still manage to wield it restoring it somewhat. I’ve never seen it done before the many people i’ve led to it never seem to figure it out. Most don’t even see it within the broken rubble of the tower. As much as I want to keep walking with you Mister B your theories and discoveries entertained me for hours but I must return you. I’ll be in the background watching. Though do be careful you will be faced with challenges as she realizes she can no longer grip you like she could. Now good luck and farewell for now.” The cat seemed to seep into the background disappearing within the grey fog and Benedict gasped again this time as he felt the layer of protection that was unknowingly on him break. He felt….Human again. He felt as if he was in a body once more and he turned in confusion and fear as he began stumbling through this strange area. Twisting and turning among the rubble and yelped in surprise as he took a sudden turn and came face to face with a black foggy skeleton with red dull eyes he sighed in relief he’s seen these before. He tipped a nonexisting hat to the broken soul husk. “Uh sorry! Didn’t mean to bump into you good fellow hahaha! Now let me scooch on by.”

Baker sidestepped the eerie sight and not too far away was a…portal? A blue swirling cylinder of pale glowing fog emitted a low noise. His heart jumped something he hadn’t seen before even on his adventures deep into the crooks and crannies of the realms. Filled with a long-forgotten curiosity he approached it circling around it. Tapping it slightly with his staff watching it dip in and out but it seemed not to be affected. Surely something that would get him yelled at for recklessness Baker hesitantly reached out and touched it and felt his gut turn as the fog wrapped around his arm pulling him in. Before the scenery changes in the distance on a broken pillar, he saw the cat again who tilted it’s head and flicked its tail. Before he was sucked into a new area…

He blinked rapidly as he instantly changed areas revealing a rickety shack and a very surprised young woman with goggles on her head who was mid-vault. A smaller hooded figure with a strange mask and pink hair stood behind her knife-raised. Both were rather shocked at Bakers' sudden appearance and paused in their chase. “Who the fuck….”

Suddenly his heart and mind exploded as he realized. This. This was a trial! He quickly turned around and entered the voided portal but instead of being in the pale stone-ruined area he ended up in an all too familiar clearing in a dense woods. It must have been some time since he’s been gone because even as he looked through the woods he could barely see the thin hidden path that led to a secret lab. 

He turned his head jumping a little as he heard a dropping sound and looked back at a white-bearded man with glowing tattoos. The man suddenly pointed at him a shocked expression written over his face as a bag filled with glowing orange flowers laid at his feet. 

Baker did the same as he realized who it was. Both of them standing in shock for a moment before stuttering out words.

“You’re the odd mumbling man!” “You’re the weird tattoo guy!” The two men blinked in slight confusion and again at the same time.

“I’m weird?” “I’m odd?”

The white-bearded man laughed and approached him gripping the now stunned man and began dragging him closer to the hidden path. Oh gods. Oh to all that is unknown and know he can’t be taking him to Vigo’s not now! He barely has had any time to process his own return!

“Oh you seem much better mister mumbler, please! Let me take you to a friend it’s so odd I just mentioned you about a week ago over wine.”

“It’s Baker and please uh no no I must not it would be rude to-” Suddenly the tattoo man stopped and squeezed his arm slightly as he turned with wide eyes.

“Benedict Baker? THE Benedict Baker? Oh gods truly?” Baker nodded hesitantly how did this man know his name? Well, he seems to know Vigo at the least….he must have seen notes of his and records of this place or Vigo has talked about him.

The bearded man sighed heavily releasing him as he put his hands on his hips rocking on his heels.

“Yeah, I should definitely not drop a  “oh your long lost thought to be voided or murdered friend is back!” on them….uuuh let me go see if they're home before I drag you in. I should probably tell hem you’re here before I throw you at them. Uuuh stay here! Don’t go wondering again now Mister Baker! You are one to be lost easily just sit and I’ll be back quickly.” Benedict awkwardly stood in place as the bearded man disappeared into the brush but he called out his name before being out of earshot.

“OH it’s Vittorio by the way!” With some awkward fidgeting, he sighed and did as he was requested and sat on the ground right where he was and fiddled with his hands anxiously trying to process all this at once. He chewed on his lip and mumbled his anxious thoughts to himself.

“I can’t truly be back can I? This must be a dream an illusion I must be caught in her grasp….oh heavens…”

----- With that Benedict Baker has entered the trails once more! ------ Check his bio/refs here! It also has links to his spotify and pinterest boards!

#benedict baker #dbd #foggy words #writings #shy fingers it was fun to do this i love my baker muse

[happyheidi]

x 🍃

#now this is a MOOD.board in every sense of the word! #cus it’s giving one helluva mood #cottagecore #nature #naturecore #warmcore #deer #fawn #animals #water #watercore #water aesthetic #forest #forestcore #plants #wet #moss #foggy #fog #hands #misty #mist #cottage academia #moodboard

[melvolkman]

November, often overshadowed by the charm of October and the magic of December, holds a quiet beauty of her own. Remnants of Autumn linger, while the anticipation of winter’s first snow begins to settle in. I’m looking forward to cozy nights by the fire and the subtle beauty of bare trees against the dusk sky 🤎

Instagram: @melvolkman

#autumn #fall #cozy #November #poetry #cozy words #moody #nature #leaves #autumn aesthetic #moody edit #moody aesthetic #New England #Maine #foggy #dark academia

[godvmurdock]

they had to know how gay this reads

#cropping into his best friend as he says the words ‘i love you’ #they’re in love. they love each other. #mattfoggy #daredevil #matt murdock #foggy nelson #daredevil comics #daredevil v7

[onioneyez]

Everything’s a spectrum so I’m doing a chart to try and understand my aromanticism 😌

#under the hounds category so far was hand holding in public #and sharing a bedroom in a goodnight dear way #I will figure this out! #now’s the time to strike while my brain is malleable from no sleep #nowhere to hide now thoughts!!! #besides the inherent fogginess of a spectrum #it’s hard to understand how many things I disliked bc I was cast as a lady in them #but also there’s an element of cringing away from feeling owned and subsumed #(vocab word of the day) #gets me feeling like the asshole bad boy in a romantic comedy who doesn’t like to be trapped/put labels on things #but not for everything! #which is the tricky part #🙄 I have so much love but there are also the hounds #aromantic #onion’s nightttime thoughts

[thirstybitchs]

#no words needed #matt murdock #daredevil #charlie cox #thirsty’s thots #foggy Nelson #Karen page

[life-spire]

@ andrewtneel

#curators on tumblr #window #windows #mist #fog #foggy #foggy weather #i miss you #quote #quotes #quoteoftheday #quotations #words

[briefcasejuice]

MARVEL'S DAREDEVIL - 2.04

#tyring this new caption tehe #matt slurs his words so much #like theres such a clear difference in his speech in professional situations vs private vs daredevil #marvel's daredevil #netflix daredevil #daredevil #matt murdock #foggy nelson #mattfoggy #charlie cox #elden henson #gabs' gifs #cc.gif #nmcu.gif #queueture

[sesamestreep]

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 6

Write about a blackout (from this list) ➸ totally cheating once again and using this as a one-word prompt instead of probably how it was intended??? oh well. have some canon-verse angst and I’m sorry…

“Do you want to know the stupidest part?”

Foggy looks over at Matt, who’s hunched over his drink like someone might steal it from him. Then again, the fake IDs that got them into this bar were honestly not the highest quality, so it’s not an entirely baseless fear.

“Granted you’ve told me like three details total about what happened between you and Elektra, I will take any additional information you want to divulge, stupid or otherwise.”

Matt blinks at him with hollow eyes. “You just said a lot of words to me.”

Foggy sighs. “What’s the stupidest part, Matt?”

“I thought—it’s just—you’re going to think I’m a moron.”

“I won’t,” Foggy says, grabbing his shoulder and giving it a firm squeeze. “I think you’re extremely smart, buddy. You might be the smartest person I know, okay? Just tell me. I promise I won’t judge.”

Matt looks so utterly fragile and lost in that moment that Foggy honestly doesn’t want to hear what’s going to come out of his mouth next, because he just knows it will break his heart. It’s been hard seeing Matt in such bad shape and to know almost nothing about what happened between him and his girlfriend after he’d disappeared with her for two weeks. Foggy had been a wreck about it, beside himself with worry and yet without a legitimate reason to excuse himself from classes and responsibilities, so he’d walked around for those two weeks like a shell, keeping up appearances, until Matt came back. His relief at his reappearance was quickly replaced by a new kind of worry, when he saw how miserable and unstable Matt was in the wake of…whatever happened. Matt still couldn’t be induced by any means to give Foggy a straight answer on that count.

“I thought I was going to marry her,” Matt says, quietly. If Foggy hadn’t been actively trying to hear him, that statement would have been lost to the noise of the bar.

“That’s not stupid at all,” Foggy says, allowing the hand on Matt’s shoulder to slip over to rub his back between his shoulder blades.

“I thought she was my soulmate,” Matt adds, with some vitriol, in the direction of his drink, like he wants to spit the words in there to drown them.

“She wasn’t,” Foggy replies, firmly, because it seems like the right thing to say up until Matt’s face crumples.

“I think she was,” he says, miserably, as he buries his face in his hands. “I think she was and she left anyway and that’s it for me.”

“I don’t—hey, listen, Matt,” Foggy says, shifting his chair over so he can wrap his arms around Matt’s shoulders completely. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I said she—I didn’t know her that well. Maybe she was your soulmate. I don’t know! I’m not convinced that’s anything but a nice story we like to tell ourselves to make life more bearable or to impose meaning on random events.”

“This pep talk sucks,” Matt says, in the vicinity of Foggy’s collar. Foggy can feel his breath on his neck and it’s weird but not enough to get him to move away.

“Sorry. What I mean to say is, if soulmates are real, and Elektra was yours, then it’s not over yet. Maybe you’ll meet again someday.”

“I hope not,” Matt says, darkly.

Foggy resists the urge to roll his eyes at yet another vague but still concerning allusion to this terrible breakup. He’s trying to be sympathetic but Matt’s whole Catholic guilt lone wolf shit does test him sometimes, if he’s being honest. Still, one look at Matt’s pale, sorrowful face in the neon lights of this dive bar is enough to remind Foggy what they’re doing here.

“I think it’s much more likely that, if we have soulmates at all, we probably get more than one,” Foggy continues, hoping that if he just muses vaguely enough, he’ll stumble on something that makes Matt feel better. “So, you’ll get another chance to—”

“You mean like you and me?” Matt asks, and Foggy’s brain does a full factory reset as he tries to parse that question. He can’t possibly mean…

“Oh, like—yeah, you and me and, well, everybody could have more than one soulmate. Exactly.”

“No, that’s not—” Matt shakes his head, which, given his current position, is functionally just nuzzling his face into Foggy’s neck. “I mean, how you and me are soulmates. Kind of.”

“You and me?” Foggy asks, casually despite not feeling casual at all. “You think so?”

“You’re—yeah. I mean, you’re basically—you’re family to me but…also more than that. If that makes sense.”

It doesn’t and Foggy’s been holding himself back from drinking too much tonight because he wants to be able to get Matt home safely, but he does feel like he might throw up on this table right now. He tucked away the part of him that found Matt attractive somewhere deep and secret and well-fortified in his soul a long time ago, in the interest of not fucking things up with his best friend in the entire world, and he certainly can’t trust anything Matt says now when he’s drunk and lonely and heartbroken. But he’s never loved anyone as completely as he loves Matt and it’s such a pathetic, hopeless situation that he doesn’t let himself think about it except on really special occasions when he wants to feel bad.

“I’m not sure anybody has ever loved me as much as you do,” Matt says, like it’s not a crazy thing to say, here in a shitty bar near campus, after a breakup with his girlfriend, to someone he’s never even kissed.

“I doubt that,” Foggy says, even as he, selfishly, wants to claim it, even as he knows it to be true. “You’re very lovable.”

“We should get married.”

Foggy laughs, because what else can he do, under the circumstances. “Now? It’s pretty late. The courthouse won’t even be open.”

“No, I mean, we should get married someday,” Matt says, petulant like Foggy’s the one being ridiculous here for not following his thought process. “When we’re older. If we haven’t met anybody else.”

That last condition is enough to break Foggy’s heart all over again, but he does an admirable job hiding it, he thinks. Matt’s drunk and very distracted, and more importantly doesn’t know anything about how Foggy feels, really, despite his proclamations on the subject a moment ago, so it feels safe to assume he won’t notice any signs of disappointment or hurt in this split second before Foggy swallows those feelings and pretends to be his usual upbeat self. That’s who Matt really needs right now, and so that’s who he’ll be.

“How much older?” Foggy asks.

“Old,” Matt says. “Like, thirty.”

“Okay,” Foggy nods, already able to find this funny. Matt won’t still be single by the time they’re both thirty. He’ll be married by the time they graduate law school, most likely, so it won’t be an issue. Foggy doesn’t like to think about it, but he knows it’s true.

“You’ll do it?”

“Maybe,” Foggy says. “Ask me again when you’re not blackout drunk.”

“I’m fine,” Matt objects. “I’m not blackout. Not even close.”

“Then we can pick this conversation up in the morning, no problem!”

Matt nods, drunkenly. “Absolutely.”

Matt doesn’t bring it up in the morning, of course. Foggy never really expected he would, either, and doesn’t permit himself to be disappointed about it, no matter how much he would like to.

#I used the word ‘blackout’ here and therefore I have fulfilled the prompt #if you knew how many versions of this I wrote and then threw out and then started over #you would forgive me for utterly phoning it in on this prompt #anyway #finished is better than perfect so…. #HWS30days #30 days challenge #writing challenge #homelywenchsociety #that’s my writing tag! don’t worry about it! #…….sigh I really want to trash this in the tags but that’s not allowed #slowly killing the perfectionist in my brain by churning out absolutely MID prompt fills like this #mattfoggy #matt murdock #foggy nelson #daredevil #idk idk idk I’m going to listen to a podcast by which I mean fall asleep to a podcast #bye

[scribblersobia]

The world outside my window is snuggling in a blanket of fog. 🩵

@scribblersobia

#pic: my 📸 #fog #writerscreed #poeticstories #spilled words #foggy night #fog and night #cold weather #winters #i love winters #11 pm #good night #scribblersobia

[divinekangaroo]

rewatching S6 in bits and pieces for current fic and ahhhhhhhhhh but the whole Jack, Diana, Mosley and Lizzie final dinner is so *viscerally* fucking satisfying on every sensory and intellectual and emotional level of consumption.

#every single movement facial expression breath flick of an eye the choice of 'mosley' not 'mr mosley' #the way mosley says 'lizzie' for the first time #jack's buildup and his mad fucking innuendo just before diana and oswald show #particularly how every drink is taken and by whom and when #lizzie constantly holding herself back the entire time from Saying Something all these flinches and half-breaths #insane #INSANE #as much as the end of S3 is roaringly wrenchingly furiously emotionally good #this dinner is something else #this whole episode is pretty much something else though fffffffffffff #jack's patronising constant reference to tommy as if he's a much younger man/boy when you look at these two guys and jack looks younger?? #by design i am sure #in the scene with the tie before the dinner.the way tommy's face says one thing while facing away from lizzie #then he puts on that mask as he turns to face her and you can SEE HIM DO THAT jesus #it would a writing exercise and a half to actually try to capture that scene in writing and work out what needs to be said/described #to carry the same effect because @coffeeatnight23 -> this scene is totally Tommy ripping his own heart out then eating it with relish :) #it *is* the saddest thing but also a fucking *reclamation* of something that tommy hasn't had since his suicide attempt. there's lots of #small reclamations of self that happen in post-Ruby S6 i seem to recall. despite flicks old trauma/foggy memory wandering also this- #-sort of structural shift/acceptance he is who he is and that is how he has agency (not solely money?) #anyway it's not triumph but there is *something* that i haven't found the word for yet #acceptance is one word but there's something more vicarious and dark in it that acceptance doesn't connote

[im-no-jedi]

alright. it’s finally time. after almost four years, the series that radically changed my life is coming to a close. I’ve seen several other people make posts about this, so I think it’s only fair that I write my own. be warned, this is going to be long, rambly, and only somewhat coherent LOL

when this show was first announced, I was shocked. although I had fallen in love with the Bad Batch during their arc in TCW, I was unsure how an entire show surrounding them could work. I was even more skeptical after I saw the trailers, which had this mysterious child show up. and as I’m sure all of you know by now, my feelings quickly turned around just after the first episode. I immediately was endeared to Omega and looked forward to seeing how the rest of their story played out. by the time the first season had ended, I was already deep in the planning stages of writing out my self-insert series, MLWTBB.

I honestly didn’t expect to love this show as much as I do. but I quickly realized why after the first season ended. (I'm gonna sound like a broken record for some of you, I'm sure LOL)

firstly, the characters. like I said, I loved TBB from the moment we saw them in TCW. and I immediately liked Omega as well. but the way these characters have been portrayed and fleshed out has only endeared them to me more. it became clear to me very quickly that these guys were an eerily similar analogy to my own family. I already saw a lot of myself in Hunter, but the rest of my family are very similar to them as well, even down to certain dynamics between each of them. not only that, but their struggles also mirror my family in that we’ve suffered several losses in our lives too. my mom sobbed like a baby when Kamino was destroyed because she saw similarities between that and a similar loss we’d endured irl. which, for me, is why it hits SO much harder when something bad happens to them. Plan 99 was devastating for many reasons, but for me, because I see so much of my dad in Tech, it felt like I was losing both of them. and having already had struggles with my dad irl… yeah. I feel like these guys ARE my family now, which has been the running theme in MLWTBB. and it's been cathartic both seeing them get through their struggles in the show, as well as portray my own struggles through my writing.

speaking of my writing, this show has inspired me so much creatively, that literally nothing else is comparable. I had already ventured into the realms of digital art previously to watching this show, as well as publicly sharing some of my writing. but not only did my art significantly improve due to all the pieces I was drawing for this show... but my writing skyrocketed. I finished writing a fanfic for the first time since I was FOURTEEN. and I've both written and finished several stories since then. and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. my art and writing will continue to flourish long after this show is over, I'm certain of that 😁

another thing is the real life impact this show has had on me. and honestly, this is the big one.

some of you have been following me for over a year or more now, so you'll probably recall the struggles I've had with my mental health, especially last year. I'd suspected that I had some mental disorder for a while now, but it was only last year that I really began to pursue the idea of getting diagnosed and treated. it of course began in therapy, then moved to having discussions with my parents about it. everyone was very supportive of me, thankfully... except for one person. myself. despite all of the work I'd done to move forward in my life, this was the hurtle I was struggling with the most. the fear of the unknown has always terrified me the most, so this unfamiliar territory was like a nightmare-scape to me.

then "The Crossing" happened.

fandom had headcanoned Tech being autistic for a while previous to this episode, myself included. some even liked to think all of them were neurodivergent in some way, again myself included. so when this episode dropped and we basically got the confirmation that our headcanon was correct? that. that was the push I needed. seeing this character that I love SO much in a show that I love SO much not only confirming his neurodiversity, but embracing it??? I literally told my mom that weekend that I was finally ready to get tested. and the rest is history. I'm now officially a part of the ND gang, and I've never regretted it for one second \o/

not only that... but I'm on meds now. meds that have altered my brain in such a way that I've NEVER felt before. my anxiety and depression no longer have a hold on me, and it's all thanks to this show 💙💙💙

and leading into that, the last thing I wanna mention is the connections I've made through this show. my entire family is (mostly) SW fans, so I've always had them to fangirl and discuss SW shows with. but I've missed having friends outside of the family to connect with. it's been YEARS since I've been involved in a fandom that had such a lovely group of people. and I know what some of you might say. and you're right. of course there's toxicity, just like any other fandom. but I can honestly say, I haven't met such a welcoming and friendly group of individuals as I have with this fandom. I've made some real, true, long-lasting friendships because of this show, and I'll be forever grateful for that. do the meds help? absolutely. but remember, I never would've even been on meds rn if not for this show either!!

and on that note, I just wanna call out some of the lovely people I've met, some whom I've only gotten to know recently! 🥰

@photogirl894 my beloved Morgan, my little sis, the Omega to my Hunter. you've been nothing but a joy and a blessing to me since the day I met you. I truly believe the Lord led you to me so that I could properly start this journey towards recovery and growth. I love you SO much, sweetie, thank you for being you 💙💙💙

@heyclickadee my dear friend, the conductor of the Tech Lives train. I've so appreciated your insight and wisdom in regard to all of the insanity. you genuinely helped get me through my depression after Plan 99, and you've continued to uplift me with your positivity and hopefulness. may we finally get to see our nerd alive and well again in your honor 🙏🏻

@clonethirstingisreal sweet Carol!! fellow Hunter simp!! getting to know you has been nothing short of amazing and wonderful! I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see an older fan amongst the young'ins LOL. we've been able to relate to each other in SO many ways, it still astounds me. I look forward to seeing your journey progress in hopefully similar ways to mine! 🥰

@lightwise @freesia-writes @better-to-bee @probadbatch (spacing this out so y'all get tagged properly)

@jedi-hawkins @anxiouspineapple99 @arctrooper69 @sunshinesdaydream and everyone else I've gotten to know both here and on Discord, THANK YOU!!!! thank you for letting me into your lives and for all the joy and laughs we've had together. I consider you ALL my friends, and I'm blessed to have met you all 💙💙💙💙💙

and finally, because I know she'll berate me if I don't mention her too, my best friend and irl sister @jam-n-ham. gurl, we have been through it, haven't we? you've been the sole witness to my reactions every week, and for that, I apologize LOL. but we have fun, at least, right? 😆 we've spent HOURS talking about this show, and I'm sure we'll have many more hours to come. you've also supported me and my writing, which I'm eternally grateful for (even if you can barely stomach the Hunter romance scenes ROFL). I can't wait to add in your additions to the story, and for you to see what I've been cooking up 😁 thanks for always being my no.1 bestie 🥰🥰🥰

I don't feel like rereading this before posting, so if there's any typos or whatever, oh well. the fact that I even got all of this out tonight is a miracle honestly haha. now if you'll excuse me, I have to start compiling every single box of tissues we own before tomorrow 😝

oh, and one last thing. an addendum if you will. I haven't been posting much of my thoughts about the finale for many reasons, but I'll just say this. ever since "The Return", I've been rotating Hunter's last words to Crosshair in my head, on repeat.

enough said✨

#the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #tbb season 3 #tbb spoilers #I apologize for the word dump #brain is foggy and words are hard #and emotions are running high #I'll hopefully have more coherent thoughts after the finale LOL #star warz

[electric-drms]

- aww it's a bit 𝙛𝙤𝙜𝙜𝙮 today

- WHAIT...................

#like... anything can be a trigger for my obsession over this show #i can't take normally word foggy anymore help #around the world in 80 days #atwin80days #atwi80d #phileas fogg #abigail fix #jean passepartout #david tennant #ibrahim koma #leonie benesch

[chippycore]

i have been thinking about this line of dialogue A LOOTT

#text #houseki no kuni #ive been feeling. things that make this kinda. relatable to an extent #my memory of hnk is kinda foggy bc i would be reading this on and off so i cant #come up with anything meaningful to say #smth smth this is a completely contradictory attitude towards cinna when compared to phos near the beginning #contradictory the right word? #i need to reread the manga already #OH YEAH AND THE LITTLE PHOS THAT CINNABAR MADE WITH HIS MERCURY

[fatcowboys]

gotta b honest sometimes it makes me sad how often i see the word butch replaced w masc lately like. butch is one of my favorite words. i love butch. butch is so special to me. and i know so many butches who would really just want you to say butch and not masc please. which i am not saying masc does not have a purpose either! its a good word! but more and more i see masc used places where i would use butch and maybe especially when we are talking abt lesbians we should still use butch actually please maybe

#like masc is a good word! but idk #i saw a video on tiktok from cowboyjen #who is an older butch lesbian and makes just good content #and was asked something and the person used masc and they very gently corrected them that butch is the word they used #and that just resonated a lot w me like. ive been hearing masc more and more and o miss butch #like masc is good and also makes sense esp if ur not talking abt specific parts of the community anf stuff #but also. butch lesbians <3 #i turned rbs off bc i was migrainey and foggy when i typed it and i have a lot of feelings abt this #and abt the word butch in general and if people are gonna rb it i want it to be a better version of this post lol

[cweercrippledcrafter]

I finished my nanowrimo goal!

#personal #I gave myself 2 months and less words because typing is hard and I get really foggy #but I still did it! #going to see how far I can get by the end of the month #nanowrimo