#fuck if i know what a profitable plan for tumblr as is will look like

[britcision]

I’m pretty sure the people bitching about not giving money to tumblr are the same ones who complain when AO3 or wikipedia ask for donations, so I’m just gonna clarify something

Running a website is not free

Even if they made no changes and did only maintenance, they still need to pay for server costs, expert programmers for when something goes wrong, storage (although frankly storage is cheap as chips these days which is nice)

They need to keep up with the capabilities of new tech like improvements to web browsers, never mind their own apps keeping pace with old and new tech developments

Backwards compatibility (being able to run the updated app on old tech) is a massive problem for apps on a regular basis, because there are people out here using an iPod and refusing to update software

There’s a reason every few years apps like Animal Crossing will issue an update that breaks backwards compatibility and you can only play if your phone is running more recent software

This shit costs money even before you look into the costs of human moderation, which I’m not exactly convinced is a big part of their current budget but fucking should be if we want an actual fix for their issues with unscreened ads and reporting bigots

Ignoring that it’s apparently illegal for companies not to actively chase profits, running Tumblr is expensive

And advertisers know we fucking hate them here

They’re still running ads, which we know because they’re all over the damn place, but half the ads are for Tumblr and its store

Other ad companies know we are not a good market, so they’re not willing to put the money in

Tumblr runs at a $30 million deficit, every year, because hosting a site is expensive

They are trying to take money making ideas from other social medias because they’re not a charity; they need to make enough money to keep the site going

If you want tumblr to keep existing, never mind fixing its many issues that require human people to be paid to do jobs like moderation, they will need money

Crabs cost $3

One crab day a year can fix the deficit and hammer home for Tumblr that:

A) we do want to be here and want the site to keep going

And B) they do not need to do the normal social media money making strategies we all hate

They need a way to make money if you want the hellsite to exist, because we live in a capitalist hellscape and cannot all be AO3

If they think they can make enough to keep running without pulling all the tricks we hate, they have no reason to pull said tricks

But they need money

And a way to make money

And if we can show them we can do that, there is a significantly higher chance they will listen to us, the user base they need money from, than if we don’t

Tumblr isn’t perfect, or anywhere close. They need someone to actually screen the paid ads they put through, they need to take the transphobia, antisemitism, and bigotry seriously

These Are Jobs That Will Cost Money

People Need To Be Fucking Paid For Their Work

Tumblr Is Not Run By Volunteers For Free And Nor Should It Be

Paying People Is Good Actually

So if you wanna get all high and mighty over $3/year, by all means, go spend that hard earned cash elsewhere

Good luck finding a perfect and morally pure business to give it to though

Being a whiny negative asshole isn’t more appealing just because you’ve put yourself on a moral soapbox, it just means the asshole is a little higher up

For all the whining about “all the new updates are terrible this site is unusable”…. It’s one fuck of a lot more usable than it was in 2017, 2018, 2020

And yeah, it’s going back down and most of the newer ones have been fucking annoying and I would also like them to stop

But it got up somehow and that means it could do that again

Hope is more fun than edgy nihilism

August 1st is a good and exciting day to summon a crab army

#tumblr #crab day #fuck if i know what a profitable plan for tumblr as is will look like #since half the user base are entitled assholes who think they shouldn’t pay for less than perfection #and tumblr themselves are entitled assholes who think $5/month is a good base proce #motherfuckers would have so many more people if it was $2-3 #totally not paying $5/month for this shit #but $3/year? yeah that’s okay

[highvern]

Patterns I

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x fem!reader

Genre: smut (21+), eventual fluff/angst

Summary: Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is a pattern. So what does it mean when you find yourself in Wonwoo's bed over and over again?

Chapter Warnings: fuckboy(ish) wonwoo, friends(?) with benefits, multiple sex scenes, oral (f. & m. receiving), choking, face fucking, penetrative sex

Length: ~10k

Note: woooohoooo part 1 done. let me know what you guys think! thank you @gyuswhore for being my beta and talking me down from a complete meltdown lmao

Remember: Tumblr runs on reblogs and I run on validation in the tags and comments :)

m.list + support my work

This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked!

“And if you look at this chart, you can see profit margins over the past three quarters have steadily increased…”

Mona drones on and on. You try to listen and nod along but there’s only so much enthusiasm that can be faked for a last minute afternoon meeting on a Friday. Maybe if she was saying anything with an ounce of meaning you’d pay attention. But the numbers she spout off on record profits only confirm what the company who hired your team already knows: if they give their employees more work for less pay, they’ll make more money.

The vibration of your phone wakes you up. Peering into your lap under the table, you see your roommate’s name flash across the screen.

Lisa 👁️🫦👁️: ruby’s tonight Y/N: Do I have a choice?

You don’t even lock your phone before she responds.

Lisa 👁️🫦👁️: nope!

“Y/N, do you mind sharing the latest reports?” 

Head jerking up, you meet Mona’s gaze across the room. She flashes a tight smile, clearly having caught your moment of distraction. Lucky for you, you could recite the reports in your sleep.

You smile and say all the right things; make all the right jokes. Just enough personality they feel special but not so much they feel like you’re a real human being outside of your job.

“All right. I think we’ve covered everything.” Mona claps. “Edgar and I will be on call this weekend if anything comes up.”

Shuffling out with the rest of your coworkers, you beeline back to your desk. 

Mona breezes by, slamming the door to her office shut.

“Do you think Mona has eyes in the back of her head?” Edgar asks, peeking over the wall dividing your cubicles.

Without looking away from the email crowding your screen you quip, “No, but I hear she sleeps in a coffin.”

“Huh. I thought that was just the hottest office furniture tread for execs.”

You snort in response. 

Mona was a hard ass but she was good at her job. 

“Anyway, any plans this weekend?”

“Get drunk and watch Love Island.”

Edgar gasps, hand to his chest like a scandalized debutant. “You wild woman.”

The next two hours crawl by. Not even the usual side projects keep you entertained, giving you time to research the new art installation downtown Lisa mentioned visiting. 

Hopefully buying tickets as her early birthday present will get you off the hook for tonight.

In true Lisa fashion, a surprise gift means celebration. And the best place to celebrate is Ruby’s.

Smoke chokes the air, bodies upon bodies packed into the space of the dingy bar on a Friday night. The chill of the outside stops at the threshold of the door, sweltering heat greeting you and your friends as you join the crows eager to celebrate the weekend.

It’s almost too dark to see faces but Mingyu’s head of dark hair stands above the rest from his perch in the corner. Lisa’s hand finds yours, and your other hand find’s Amina as you shoulder towards the table he’s claimed for the night. The bass of whatever remix blaring through the DJ’s speakers thrums through the crush of drunk patrons like a frantic heartbeat, rattling your bones with each step deeper into the space.

The glossy surface of the table is already littered with cups and beer bottles. Mingyu cuts his conversation with Wonwoo short to greet your group, smiling over Lisa’s head already buried in his chest. Wonwoo's only acknowledgement is a short nod over the top of the bottle he lifts to his lips. 

A pair of not so sly eyes wander down your front, tracing across the deep v of your top, baring your sternum between the swell of your breasts. You burn under Wonwoo’s blatant gawking, breath stalled and face hot but none of your friends appear to notice the electricity crackling between you two, intoxicated brains filling with lewd ideas. 

Needing a reprieve, you slither to the bar in search of a drink. Slipping between the sweaty bodies as they part, Amina follows close behind. A few shots and a beer later, you stumble towards the dance floor with laughter on your lips and the bitter singe of alcohol on your tongue.

The crowd of strangers accepts you, swallowing you into the churning chaos immediately. A few familiar faces stand out in the crowd as you shift through the sway.

Looking over the shoulder of the random person in front of you, a mess of limbs better known as Lisa and Mingyu flashes into view; Soonyoung and Eva no better next to them. Over their embrace, you spot Amina dancing with a pretty stranger of her own, both of them with drunk smiles plastered on their faces. 

Head dizzily bobbing to the music, your eyes slip shut. You know it's Wonwoo at your back, hips following closely, one hand around your waist and the other dragging a path of fire across your thigh. 

This wasn’t the first time you found yourselves in this particular position. Since your roommates started dating, and whenever alcohol was close enough to serve as a believable excuse, you managed to find each other like super charged magnets; gluing together and drowning heady touches.

It wasn’t like anything more happened. That was the excuse you told yourself after the first time. A girls night out Mingyu and Wonwoo happened to stumble upon. You’d still been upset about the breakup with Seungcheol two months prior, indulging in the shitty white wine that only served to fuel your boldness.

You’d never admit seeking out Wonwoo with the knowledge Seungcheol couldn’t stand him; taking sick satisfaction in imagining the look on Seungcheol’s face as you let Wonwoo touch the way previously reserved for him. You pressed against Wonwoo’s front with little care for who saw; a challenging gleam in your glassy eyes, daring him to push away. Not one to be bested, Wonwoo pressed back, and the rest is history.

After the first night of the new game, you went home and came embarrassingly fast to the fantasy of what would have inevitably happened if he’d followed. The week after consisted of staunchly avoiding Wonwoo. Guilt and disgust plagued every waking moment, and if you had to look at him you knew you’d feel worse. 

Your only real connection was your roommate Lisa dating his roommate Mingyu which meant your evasiveness went undetected for nearly a month before Wonwoo managed to corner you at a party and demand to know what your “fucking problem” was. It was then you realized he either didn’t remember what happened or didn’t think it was anything to make such a big deal about. You never asked for specifics but came to the conclusion: If he didn’t care, then why should you? It was just a bit of fun. A game of chicken neither intended to end. 

Each time you came across each other on the weekends after, the stakes increased. One night, you let wandering hands catalog the planes hard muscle hidden underneath the fabric of his shirt. The next, you followed a trail of goosebumps across his neck with tongue and teeth. 

And Wonwoo called your bluff everytime. His thumb tracing against the underside of your breast while delivering a particularly harsh grind of his hips, leaving very little to the imagination of what hid behind the zipper of his jeans. Or when he spun you around, hypnotizing you with his eyes while pawing your ass, dragging your core across his thigh wedged between your legs.

But whatever transpired fizzled away by the time the night ended, both of you content to go separate ways and ignore whatever was left on the dance floor (or occasionally a wall). Tonight would be no different. It never was. It never would be.

Wonwoo was fun to play with but that's all. Throw him flirty smiles, indulge in the bold touches, take a thrill in the chase and then retreat to the safety of the bar or drag one of your friends to the bathroom for a break. He let go without any argument; something you found disappointing much to your own chagrin. But Wonwoo’s eyes never left your figure the second it left his arms. Even if he found a new partner, he would watch you while he did everything he had already done and then all the things he would have done if you stayed.

“Come home with me,” he whispers in your ear, more of a command than a question, breaking the delicate silence surrounding your unspoken attraction.

The air in your chest thickens to a sludge. For a second, you think you misheard him, possibly hallucinating that he’s spoken at all. With the thrum of music and shouts it’s not out of the question.

Unable to turn in his tight grip, you settle for leaning back against his shoulder, neck stretching, giving him a direct view down your top, his eyes privy to the fact that you hadn’t worn a bra. His chest plastered against your back heaves with a heavy breath as you continue to move against him. 

Wonwoo tries again, his hand squeezing your waist gently, pulling you closer to his body to feel the evidence of his arousal. “Come home with me.” 

It's just the next level to the game, you think. The fantasy is tempting; taking you back to his apartment, spreading you out across his bed and making good on all the promises he’s teased into your skin for months.

If he wants to play, you’ll play too.

“What’s in it for me?” you hum, lips brushing his ear in a mimic of his motion moments ago. 

Wonwoo responds with another curl of his hips against your ass.

God, he’s good at this. Wonwoo is the only guy to spark any kind of interest since Seungcheol left months ago. Not for lack of trying but they were either too tall, too short, weird hair, awful laugh. The list of excuses goes on and on. Subconsciously, you’d been comparing them all to the man behind you and found each of them lacking. But if Wonwoo wants to progress to the next level, he’ll need to work for it.

“Not convincing enough,” you chide.

The hand on your thigh pauses, taking a second to squeeze the supple flesh before setting a new course. Wonwoo moves slowly, giving you plenty of time to stop his advance if you wish. Not sensing an objection, he pushes forward. Even over the thick denim of your jeans, Wonwoo’s palm scorches against the zipper. Continuing lower, he grinds the heel of his palm against your clothed pussy, nothing more than mockery of the real thing but it has you shuddering all the same. The slope of your shoulder stings under his mouth, licking waves of fire across the nerves with each nip of his teeth. 

Wonwoo pants against the shell of your ear on the next rock of his hand, laughing as your nails dig into his wrist before he whispers, “Unless you want our friends to watch, trust me.” 

You need to see his face; need to look in Wonwoo’s eyes and find out if he’s trying to rile you up or if he’s serious.

This time when you move, Wonwoo allows you to turn in his hold. The look in his eyes tells you he would take you right here if he thought for a second you’d let him. He isn’t trying to just get a rise out of you and see you squirm. Wonwoo isn’t playing a game anymore. 

He wants you.

You nod once and Wonwoo has you both out the door and on the way to his place before the song ends.

The cold metal of the door bites into your skin, bowing your chest straight into Wonwoo’s as he crowds against you, arms caging you in on both sides. His lips are busy surveying the skin of your neck, sucking and nipping until he pauses at the hollow of your throat. His teeth raze against the sensitive skin, tongue darting out to lave against the marks he’s determined to leave. Wonwoo listens closely to the sounds leaving your throat, focusing his ministrations whenever an exceptionally satisfied purr slips out.

He takes a step forward at the feel of your hand pushing its way into his jacket, rewarding the tease of your fingers across his stomach with a suck against your jaw. The sharp pain of your nails across his scalp forces a quiet groan out his lips; something you file away for later. 

“Get us inside before your neighbors catch us with my hand down your pants,” you gasp, giving his hair a particularly harsh yank to pull him away from your breasts peeking out from the low cut of your top.

“Wouldn’t mind that,” he mumbles, diving back. 

But Wonwoo concedes, grabbing his keys from his pocket while remaining focused on leaving his mark on your sternum. 

Despite your request, you do everything but make it easier for him; thumb dipping into the waistband of his boxers before slipping inside, cupping the straining bulge confined under the tight fabric. Wonwoo falters under your attention, pressing his hips into you until you're crushed between his body and the door. When Wonwoo finally fumbles the key into the lock, the door flies open under your combined weight.

Using the momentum, Wonwoo crowds you back to the wall just inside, slamming the door shut with his foot, returning where he left off without missing a beat. A hand tilts your chin back to give him more room, and you realize he hasn’t kissed you yet. Twisting the front of his shirt, you resolve to change that.

Pulling back, Wonwoo’s brows arching in confusion, mouth falling opening to complain at being interrupted again but snapping shut when you attempt to pull him forward. 

But a hair's breadth away Wonwoo stops.

“What do you want?”

You won’t beg. If anyone is cracking first it’ll be Wonwoo. Just like he did at the bar not too long ago. 

“If you won’t tell me then I can’t give it to you.” He moves forward, nose tracing along your throat, breath fanning across your neck. One of his arms moves to the space between your body and the wall, pulling until his thigh is bracketed by yours. The hard muscle is nothing short heaven against the seam of your jeans, invoking a traitorous whimper from your throat.

You manage a chaste kiss against the side of his mouth before he darts out of range. 

“Tell me and you can have it,”  Wonwoo says, cocking his head back, looking down his nose at you from behind the wire frames of his glasses; pupils blown. His eyes close and he leans forward again before continuing, “Tell me what you want, and you can have everything.”

His teeth trail across the shell of your ear on the last word and suddenly it's all too much. The rasp of his voice, the flex of his thigh, the layers of clothing separating your bodies. If you don’t get relief soon you’ll both implode.

“Kiss me.”

You feel Wonwoo’s satisfied smile a second before your lips meet, lighting the fuse for what's to come. There’s no gentleness in the connection, instead, months of insatiable need leads the way. Parting your lips, you suck his own between your teeth until it's swollen in retaliation. Wonwoo angles your head back with a gentle tug of your hair, immediately swallowing your gasp at his roughness. The hand wrapped around the middle of your back flexes, urging, no, begging you to grind against him. You oblige with embarrassing eagerness.

Your hand finds its way down Wonwoo’s front again, fingers firm and demanding. Tracing the zipper of his jeans up and down in time with your movement against his leg, the heel of your hand presses forward, causing his hips to cant up against the pressure. The motion is a mock of what he was doing in the crowded bar minutes ago. Just enough to rile him up and to piss him off until his hands drop and squeeze your ass so hard it hurts.

Refusing to let your mouths part, Wonwoo drags you down the hallway towards his room. It takes longer than it should, both of you stopping to force the other into the wall, bodies writhing against one another in search of friction and pleasure. At one point you consider letting him fuck you right their on the floor but he pushes through the door to his room just before you can unzip his pants.

Finally inside, Wonwoo herds you towards the bed in the corner. The back of your knees hit the side, bending as you land with a soft bounce. Wonwoo follows swiftly, settling himself on his elbows before diving back into your neck again. His hips slot into the warm cradle of your thighs easily, pressing forward to search for the heat he knows is there. You greedily return the movement, hips curling up, savoring the drag of his hard cock. Wonwoo sucks another bruise onto your neck, high enough you’ll have to hide it in the morning but you're so drunk on the idea of what is going to happen next you can’t even feign outrage. 

The strap of your flimsy top falls down and Wonwoo moves to explore the new span of skin. His lips drag over the uncovered swell of your breast, sloppy kisses trailing over the silky skin. Cocking his head to the side, he sucks a nipple through the thin black fabric. Your hips buck, back arching at the new sensation. The angle of Wonwoo’s cock is just right, pulling moan after moan from your throat. He’s so focused on what he’s doing he can’t be bothered to snicker at how he turns you into an aching puddle of want.

Clothes come off in a blur. You watch his abs flex as he rips his shirt over his head, eyes tracing the dark thatch of hair disappearing under the waistband of his pants. Soon, yours is gone too, lost on the floor. Wonwoo's eyes delight in the sight of you bare before him, with nipples puckered and breasts heavy with excitement. He ducks back down, mouthing at the sensitive bud, drowning in your breathy whines and whimpers. Using his hand, his calloused thumb massages the one his mouth had abandoned, pinching and flicking until you’re left raw and aching.

“Wonwoo,” you cry, hands ripping at the sheets when his teeth come out to play. 

He pulls back from your breasts, in a frenzy to remove your pants while his knees fall to the ground on the side of the bed. You arch up to help him rip the damning fabric away. An ember of fury sparks, furious with yourself for wearing jeans over the skimpy skirt Lisa had offered.

None the wiser, Wonwoo looks between your legs like he’s found an oasis in a desert. You realize too late they’re nothing impressive. Pale pink cotton; simple, practical. Just like your pants, since getting fucked tonight wasn’t even a remote possibility when you left your apartment. 

But Wonwoo doesn’t even seem to care. When you dare to look at his face, worried by the sudden pause in his actions, you find he’s not even blinking. His thumb finds your entrance through the fabric, shallowly dipping inside before moving back and massaging teasing circles over the damp spot.

Pride and ego long forgotten, you beg. “Wonwoo, please.” 

Wonwoo doesn’t give in. Focusing on the curve of your thigh, nose etching along the strained muscle while he continues teasing touches over your underwear. The wet of his tongue comes out when he reaches the hem of your underwear. So close to where you want him but not close enough.

“Please.”

The pathetic crack of your voice is rewarded with firmer fingers and his lips against the sticky crotch of your panties; the heat of his mouth right over your entrance as he laps at your release.

Another beg and he moves aside the thin strip of fabric, curling his tongue into your entrance before sucking at your swollen clit. 

The relief is short lived. Somehow, Wonwoo knows exactly how to touch and tease you, driving you up the wall only to pull you back down. One hand finds your knee, forcing it away when you try to crush his head between your thighs at the first prod of his long fingers inside you.

He slips another finger inside, his tongue continuing to swipe at your bundle of nerves, just as desperate to give you what you want as you are to receive it. Glancing down at him again, you find a scene worthy of being immortalized in a painting. His brow is furrowed in concentration, eyes pinched tight while he works to get you off. 

A pause to take a breath is all the reprieve you’re granted before Wonwoo dives back in, moaning under the sting of your nails on his scalp; encouraging you to hold him there and use him, to come for him. The symphony of your combined noises floods the room. The squelch of his fingers, rubbing up against the place that drives you mad. The wet noises of his mouth, your arousal mixing with his spit; his noises when you pull at his hair, vibrating against your cunt and pulling your spine into a harsh curve. 

You can’t help but watch him. Enamoured with how right he looks between your legs, skin slips together where his shoulders hold your legs up. Even the contrast of his hand on your knee fuels the fire.

He peers up at you when you call his name again. Eyes burning into your own. Like he can read your mind. Like he agrees this is the best place for him to be.

You hear yourself far away, chanting his name as you shatter into a million pieces. Clenching around Wonwoo’s fingers with a strength you didn't know you possessed, your hips ride them until your muscles lock and jerk. The smear of fluid across your thighs, slipping your ass and onto the bed is lewd. 

But Wonwoo doesn’t stop, working you through it like his own release is on the line. Licking and sucking and fucking you with his fingers until you finally manage to pull him away with a choked cry of his name. Even then, his hand continues pistoning into you as your mouths find one another hungrily. 

There's a sick satisfaction in your gut at the taste on his mouth. Your arousal coats his chin, his cheeks, even the tip of his nose is wet where it digs into your face as you suck his tongue.

Moving to his feet, Wonwoo bends over you, lips never straying from yours. He fails to crowd you down into the mattress like he intends. Freezing when your hands pushing his pants down the rest of the way. His cock bobs, the nearly purple head leaking. If there was any doubt he didn’t find pleasure going down on you before, the evidence of his enjoyment sits hard and heavy in your palm. An exploratory squeeze has Wonwoo’s chin dropping to his chest, a sharp breath leaving his nose.

Sliding off the bed and to your knees, you peek up at him through your lashes, letting the tip rest against parted lips. When Wonwoo drags his head back up, looking down his nose, your tongue darts out to catch some of his pre-cum, receiving another groan in response. A thought that has you blushing rears its head. 

He’ll probably like it, you think.

You let one of her hands trail down while kissing across the velvety shaft his length. Wonwoo watches closely, eyes widening for a second when you find the apex of your thighs, dipping down to collect the lingering slickness. Once satisfied, you exchange your grip on his cock and quirk an eyebrow. Stroking him coyly.

You don’t look away from his eyes even though every instinct tells you to hide from the heat in his gaze. Your palm catches at the tip, thumb brushing his leaking slit. More evidence of his arousal trickles out and you lap it up quickly.

“Shit,” Wonwoo hisses. “Fuck, you’re so good.” 

One of Wonwoo’s hands finds your cheek, helping you find a comfortable pace. Settling the back of your head against the bed, drag him forward by his ass, content to let him use your mouth the way you used his. Wonwoo stumbles for a second at the sudden movement, hands finding the bed to prevent himself from collapsing. He peers down in question. 

“Want you to fuck my mouth,” you pant, quickly taking him back in, going as deep as possible without gagging.

“Fuuuuck,” Wonwoo rasps, moving the hand on the side of your face to the back of your head. He pins you in place with his hips, giving a shallow, almost hesitant thrust as he discovers your limits.

You zone out when he finds a rhythm, hand at the base of his cock to keep him from bottoming out in your throat, the one cradling his balls dropping to trace the inside of his thigh. Eventually, Wonwoo lets himself go, savoring the pressure of your tongue when you lap against the tip as he pulls out. His abs twitch at the sight of drool leaking from the corners of your stuffed mouth, lips stretched and bruised around his cock. 

Opening your eyes, you look right at him; punching the air from his chest as you moan around his cock, the vibration forcing his head back, neck bared again as a bead of sweat settles in the hollow of his throat.

“Touch yourself,” Wonwoo commands, breaking the melody of whimpers and groans.

You disregard his command, content with focusing on untying him from his loose tether to sanity.

Not one to be ignored, Wonwoo pulls away on the next stroke. You follow, attempting to trail forward and suck him back down your throat but Wonwoo’s hand knots in your hair. He yanks your head back until his cock is just out of range. Looking up at him, you do nothing to hide the annoyance at such a sudden disruption.

“Touch. Yourself. ” he lets out tightly, enunciating each syllable. Equally annoyed but willing to make a point. 

“Wanna watch me?” you goad, smug as the tips of his ears redden. 

Instead of brushing it off, Wonwoo takes the bait.

“Yeah I do,” he says, one hand leaving your hair, guiding the tip of his cock across the seam of your lips, letting out a humorless laugh when your tongue reaches out to meet it on instinct. “Wanna watch while you suck my cock because you’re a good girl.” 

He lets you take the head, teeth grinding under the dig of your tongue into the slit. But any attempt to take more is punished with another tug of your hair. Until his hand circles your throat and he pulls you off completely. 

“Right, Y/N?”

The praise goes straight to your head, breath stunted. You barely nod before Wonwoo moves his hips forward again, slowly resuming their previous rhythm at the promise of seeing you put on a show. Two fingers slip in with ease, disappointment bubbling when the stretch doesn’t come anywhere close to his but you’ll play along for now if it means getting to feel his cum on your tongue.

Wet, messy noises echo in the room. You hollow your cheeks, hand acting as a bumper while letting his cock kiss the back of your throat. Wonwoo’s hips stutter when you swallow around him. The tension in his muscles doubles your effort, set on the satisfaction of making him cum from just your mouth. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” Wonwoo hisses, pulling you off.

Wonwoo hauls you up into the bed, aggressively crowding you towards the pillows. The cool sheets sting against your back, but you focus on getting another fist around his cock. Wonwoo intercepts your plans before you can make it below his navel. He pins the offending appendage next to your head; grip loose enough you could break if you wanted, but the tease of his dominance turns you on even more and it's not long before he has both hands above your head, and a disapproving look on his face.

“If you don’t want me to come on your thigh, I suggest keeping your hands to yourself,” he states, leaning towards the bedside table, searching for a condom.

“Didn’t think you’d be that easy,” you bite back. Planting your feet on the bed, your hips grind up into his. 

“Says the woman who begged for my cock,” Wonwoo grinds out, flattening his chest into yours, teasing with exactly what you asked for.

You're suddenly hit by how much stronger Wonwoo is than you. Able to have your entire body pinned like it’s nothing while working the condom on at the same time. You knew he worked out, broad shoulders and narrow waist giving him away; but having that strength used you sends a swirl of butterflies through your stomach.

Wonwoo resorts to ripping open the packet with his teeth, hips easing up to quickly roll it down his length. He rubs himself through your folds, collecting the wetness and repeatedly tapping himself to your clit. You’re about to flip him around and take matters into your own hands when he catches on your entrance and presses home in a slow thrust.

He slides deep. Deeper than Seungcheol, deeper than anyone you’ve ever been with. You barely get a chance to savor it before he’s moving, wasting no time before working up a pace meant to drive you both mad. 

“Shit,” you curse.

Wonwoo huffs into your neck, tongue tracing the shell of your ear. “Yeah? Feel good?”

“Soooo good.” 

Wonwoo lets go of your hands, tangling one the sheets, the other searching for the top of the metal headboard. The change in position folds you in half, giving him the leverage to fuck as deep as possible. Finding your hands free, one claws at his back, leaving bright red lines in its wake. The other grabs for his ass, squeezing the muscle there, helping him press forward. His balls clapping against the swell of your ass drives you closer to hysteria. 

Your second orgasm rushes forward, resting on his lips finding yours. The connection is bruising, all teeth and tongues. The hand on his ass falls to play with yourself and Wonwoo breaks away to watch.

“Like that, Y/N?” Wonwoo bites, whispering right into your ear. “Fuck, you're so tight, baby.”

His words only add to the inferno. The need to come overwhelms you, demanding satisfaction to the point it hurts. But you need more. Needs something you can’t name and only Wonwoo can give. 

Frustration twists your features, eyebrows furrowed and mouth tense. Almost as if he senses your oncoming tantrum, Wonwoo drops more of his weight, pressing you into the mattress and filling you to the brink.

 “Be a good girl,” Wonwoo coos, hip punctuating each word while his teeth tug at your earlobe. “Come for me.”

His permission is the key. Bombs explode behind your eyelids, cascading colors against the black and white. Loud moans rush from your throat to fill his room, muscles locked, body convulsing with endorphins. You want to kiss him again, until you can’t breathe, until you stop needing oxygen and adapt to survive on the taste of his mouth. 

Wonwoo must feel the same, meeting you in a lazy kiss, too fucked out to put in more effort. He swallows every whimper, the syllables of his name while he fucks you through your high. The wetness smeared between your bodies echoes all the motions, his pistoning hips driving more and more from your worn cunt. 

His own high rushes for him at light speed. Pulling back, he rests his forehead against yours. You burn the last bit of energy you possess to open your eyes and find his. Wonwoo’s face is tight as a thin sheen of sweat covers his body. All you want now is to see him cum, give him as much pleasure as he’s given you. Reaching up, your lips brush his ear one last time.

“Wanna feel you come,” you sigh. “Please, Woo.”

The responding groan signals success. His hips stutter forward, a deep grunt bursts from his chest. If you weren’t exhausted, you’d demand to go again; to fuck him again and again just to see the twitch of his lips as he empties himself into you, the grind of his teeth, and shudder of his chest. But Wonwoo gives one more hard drive of his hips before collapsing, completely spent.

You don't know how long you stay like that, drifting in and out of consciousness as sweat dries, and your thighs becoming uncomfortably sticky. When Wonwoo moves to pull out, a surprising whine rips from your throat. 

“Shower?” he asks, husky voice breaking the lingering silence.

You finally crack an eye open at Wonwoo’s voice, and find him looking at you with soft eyes. Uh oh. Warning bells fire but you’re too tired to care. A shower sounds lovely.

Wonwoo hauls you up, leading you into his small bathroom. The water in the shower is already running, steam escaping the stall as he ushers you under. The scratches at his back contrast brightly against his pale skin, a few bite marks spattered across his chest. You know you look equally debauched but the lull of warm water calms any concerns. The silence is comfortable, thick as you move like zombies. Wonwoo passes his body wash without a word, moving to shampoo his hair. Swapping between the brutally frigid air and the comforting warm water under the shower head, you both race to finish up quickly. Once satisfied, Wonwoo shuts off the faucet and grabs the towels from the hook on the wall. He hands you one before stepping out to dry himself. A spare toothbrush waits on the counter when you exit the stall.

Wonwoo leaves first, heading back to his room to dress. It gives you the opportunity to look in the mirror for the first time. Your skin glows, both from the steam and Wonwoo’s attention. Across your throat, bruises cluster like a necklace, splotches of darkness maring the skin. Unfolding the towel, you find more littered across your breasts, and an impressive one on the inside of your thigh. 

After the shock fades, exhaustion creeps back in. It had to be far into the early hours of the morning. You hope Mingyu stayed with Lisa at your shared apartment. Having to face Wonwoo in the morning was enough horror, but if Mingyu heard anything then you would never be able to look him in the eye again despite having heard your roommate and him more times than you can count.

Returning to Wonwoo’s room, you see him already under the covers, spread out on his stomach with his face squashed into the pillow. On his desk sits a tshirt and a pair of old shorts. Hanging the towel up in his bathroom, you snag the shirt and pull it on.

Finding your pants, you fish out your phone and see the time: 3:47AM. A few missed calls from Amina, several dozen texts from the group chat, and one from Lisa that reads “You better not be where I think you are” clutter the screen. 

There's no point in arguing the accusation. She has your location, you know she checked it before she went to bed. And in the morning you’ll have to answer every inane question that pops into her head. But for now, you need to sleep.

Sliding open the group text, you send a quick “I'm alive, see u in the morning for brunch?” tossing your phone aside.

Your head hits the pillow and you’re out like a light.

The dream you’re lost in is lovely. A faceless figure bends you over a desk, your heated face pressed against the glossy wood. Naked as the day you were born, nothing protecting your nipples from rubbing against the cold surface, hardening until you hiss from sensitivity. Large warm palms massage your ass, hands pushing upwards, lightly parting the cheeks to give him more leverage to lick at your leaking hole. You can feel him moan, echoing your own sounds of pleasure as he indulges. One hand finds its way back to his head, fingers tangling in his short hair, holding him in place as you rise on tiptoes to move against his mouth. He feels familiar but it doesn’t matter who he is, more so what he plans to do. Just as a thumb swipes against your other hole, pulling a shocked gasp from your lips, it all comes crashing down.

You claw at the tendrils of pleasure slipping past to no avail. Harsh whispers outside your door pull you awake as they gain volume. It isn’t out of the ordinary to hear snippets of your roommates’ conversations as they pass down the hall towards their own rooms. Having the first room off the kitchen was the sacrifice you made to have a bigger closet and a better view. Usually though, Lisa and Amina had the decency to not have a full blowout so early, and on a weekend no less.

As the whispers crescendo into a one sided screaming match, you make out Lisa and Mingyu’s voices on the other side of the thin wood. 

“Mingyu if you don’t move out of my way there will be TWO BODIES TO CLEAN UP.” 

Lisa is pissed, using a tone of voice saved for rare occasions. Occasions you rarely witnessed Mingyu be on the receiving end of. Whatever he had done, he better pray Lisa forgives him. He also better pray you forgive him for working Lisa’s temper up so early in the morning.

“Shut the fuck up!” you yell, voice thick with sleep, refusing to open your eyes against the light trickling in from the window above. Snuggling deeper in the soft covers, you try to force yourself back asleep, hoping to reunite with the anonymous dream man.

When did the window get above your bed? 

You shoot up, instantly regretting the decision. Splinters of pain shoot behind your left eye causing you to collapse back into the pillows to find reprieve. The grumble next to you sends your heart racing.

“I’m going to kill her,” a gravely male voice threatens.

Turning on your side, you brave the torturous sunlight to catch Wonwoo’s profile. His face is scrunched in annoyance, eyes shut as he too tries to get lost in the blankets. He drags the comforter over your heads, pulling you towards him to hide in the curve of your throat.

It all comes rushing back. Going home with him, your dirty deeds, the shared shower. You beg the powers that be to kill you when you remember how you begged with embarrassing ease.

Outside his door, Lisa bellows and forces the door open; sending it cracking against the wall with the force. 

The blanket rips down, uncovering who's hiding underneath. She only manages to pull it below your shoulder before you and Wonwoo realize what's happening and clutch at the fabric. Thank god you both are wearing clothes.

“What the fuck?” Wonwoo’s voice is acidic as he looks to Mingyu over Lisa’s head. Mingyu at least has the decency to look apologetic as Lisa acts like an overly concerned mother who just found her daughter with a boy in her bed.

“See? Y/N is alive, we can leave now,” Mingyu tries in vain to placate his girlfriend. Lisa snatches her hand away from him when he attempts to pull her out of Wonwoo’s room.

Lisa’s eyes take in your tousled hair, the bruises at both your necks, the clothes littered on the floor haphazardly. She isn’t stupid, she knows exactly what has happened. Lisa also knows Wonwoo wouldn’t take advantage of you, but she is still protective nonetheless. The amused look spreading across her face nearly sends you out the window and to the cement several stories below.

“Oh my god, are you fifteen?” Her question is pointed at Wonwoo, catching the string of hickies marking your neck.

“How about you get the fuck out of my room?” Wonwoo bites, raising his voice. He burrows under your chin, dragging the blanket over his head once again.

“We’ll talk about this later!” Lisa calls as Mingyu finally drags her out the door, her voice is muffled by the slam of it shutting but you clearly hear her yell, “Brunch is in an hour!” 

Finally left alone, you mind races to prepare for the interrogation waiting for you. Wonwoo appears to be unaware of any such troubles. Cuddling down into the swell of your breasts, he’s already trailing back towards sleep. 

Despite yourself, the hand stuck under him rises up to gently trace shapes across the expanse of his back. The warm skin lulls you into a trance as the memories from the hours prior replay.

“Are you sure I can stay?” A deep yawn warps your voice. You’re  already halfway under the covers, hoping he doesn’t change his mind. If you have to stay awake any longer you’ll have a meltdown.

“Yes.” His face is still pushed into his pillow, voice distorted by the barrier and slurred with his sleep. “Now shut up and sleep.”

And you do just that. Shocking, given you’re a horrible bed partner; tossing and turning most of the night, waking frequently. Seungcheol experienced many grumpy mornings courtesy of your poor sleep hygiene after a sleepover. But in Wonwoo’s bed, your restlessness decides to take the night off, allowing you to sleep like a rock.

It can’t have been more than a couple hours before you awake again. Despite the short snooze, you’re more rested than you’ve been in months. Stretching with a yawn, you find what roused you awake. 

Somehow Wonwoo found you in his sleep, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist, body firm against your back. He’s hot skin and hard muscle, the tent in his boxers sliding roughly across the naked skin of your thighs. Cursing yourself for forgoing the shorts he laid out, you try and twist away only for Wonwoo’s length to settle between the dip of your ass.

You freeze solid. Listening to the sound of his breathing stop then even out once again. Waiting to confirm he’s still asleep, you try moving away again only for his hips to press against you once you wiggle against him. Body acting on its own, your spine curls, sending your ass back into his crotch. 

And then Wonwoo’s arm around your waist flexes and he thrusts forward. 

Shit.

“Can I help you?” he asks, face buried somewhere between your shoulder blades, nose tracing your spine until he finds the bare skin of your neck to leave heated gossamer kisses.

There’s nothing left to lose. You’ve already fucked. Wonwoo face to face with your most intimate parts, and you the same. You begged him to cum inside you for Christ's sake. Giving another curl of your hips, you decide to meet his challenge.

“Can you?” you whisper into the darkness, eyes sliding close again as a tired breath leaves your nose. It's less of a goad, and more of a subtle beg for his attention.

Wonwoo drags the hand wrapped around your waist downward, wedging it between your thighs gently. You’re already wet from the brief movements against one another. He wastes no time, immediately framing your clit with two fingers, teasing friction to warm you up. The first twitch into his hand has his fingers dropping, pushing into your entrance as you parts your legs to make more room. His movements are sluggish but he placates your want the best he can.

One of your hands slides under the covers, moving behind your back to grab him. The unmistakable heat greets you through the fabric of his underwear. His breath stutters against your back, his chest pressed tightly against your back like a second skin. Wonwoo jerks forward through your fist, clothed tip prodding against the soft curve of your ass when you reach the base.

Continuing to move just like that, you both are more than content to get off like this, much too tired to put in any real effort. But when you push down his boxer just enough to feel the hot velvet skin of his tip against the dip of your spine, leaking from light touches, Wonwoo decides he wants more. Needs more. 

He pushes your hand away, directing himself between your legs, resting his tip at your entrance. With shallow thrusts forward, he lets himself catch on the ring of muscle just inside, barely parting your walls. The thought of him returning deep inside you, condom nowhere to be found, makes you drool. At some point Wonwoo’s hand finds your waist again, this time under the fabric of the flimsy t-shirt. The thick cotton bunches across your breasts, teasing your sensitive nipples while his hand splays between and pulls you against him.

You have half a mind to let him fuck you like this, raw, half asleep, tucked under the covers in the silence of his room. The other half blares with sirens and red lights flashing DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! 

The louder part of your brain, the one that sounds suspiciously like when Amina scolded you for not using condoms with Seungcheol after getting an IUD, wins. 

It takes all the strength you possess  to break the trance Wonwoo has. His lips have taken to mouthing at the back of your neck, his nose tracing the notches of your spine while his tongue sends goosebumps blooming.

“Condom.” you finally manage to breathe out, voice pushing past the thick blanket of lust and fatigue.

The hand on your chest flies off, moving in the direction of the bedside table. Within seconds Wonwoo wraps himself in the latex and pushes inside.

The stretch is perfect, muscles already accommodating his languid thrusts inside you. His hips are tucked tightly along your ass, barely a sliver of space between your bodies. One of Wonwoo’s hands reaches back under your shirt to thumb your sore nipples, letting a heavy flesh rest in his palm. The arm propped under your head reaches out, Wonwoo’s fingers twisting in the pillow cases. The web of veins and muscles flex with each cant, almost ripping the fabric of the sheet apart when you clench around him. 

As if having a mind of its own, a hand trails up his neck, cradling the back of his head and tangling in short locks of hair. Wonwoo hitches his chin over your shoulder, leaning forward to moan right into your ear. Your other hand takes the abandoned post at your clit, determined to make yourself cum and pass back out in the next five minutes. 

Unlike the explosions earlier, your orgasm crawls up slowly, bubbling to the surface in a smooth simmer. Your thighs tighten, twitching as the pot boils over and melting you into Wonwoo’s chest. He follows you over the edge quickly, hips continuing their fluid rhythm until they stutter against your ass; shuddering breaths leaving his chest, a quiet groan of satisfaction punctuating his content. You can’t move even if your life depends on it, heaviness settling in your muscles like concrete.

You're already descending back into the realm of dreams when Wonwoo slips away.

Wonwoo’s soft snores jolt you back. You’re far too awake to try joining him. And you can’t just stay in his room forever. Glancing around the room, you devise an escape plan. Wonwoo’s position doesn’t lend any subtlety, any effort to move from under him requires you to lift his entire weight.

You sit still for another minute, contemplating the potential pros and cons if he is awake to see you run, away from the sanctuary of his room and into the reality sitting beyond the door. Precisely as you decide to deal with whatever teasing he’ll no doubt hurl your way, Wonwoo shifts, burrowing back into the pillow on his side to provide easy access. Waiting with bated breath, you’re relieved when the muscles of his back expand with a deep inhale as he settles in slumber once again.

Springing out of bed, you collect your phone and wrinkled clothes. The shocking level of cleanliness and organization the room possesses for a man his age aids your quest. However, your underwear appears to be a lost cause. With haste, you search under the bed, eyes scouring the area around his desk, even sneaking a quick glance back towards him to see if the missing garment is mixed with the pillows. All is fruitless as the bright pink garments have disappeared, gone without a trace.

After slipping on your pants with impressive speed, you're out of his bedroom and into the hallway. Body on autopilot, you tiptoe towards the front door.  

The cracked door of Mingyu’s room where Lisa is no doubt waiting to ambush lingers just ahead. You don’t dare to breathe as you breeze past and ruin her plans. The heavy metal of the front door groans at your pull, tensing as noise echoes in the hallway behind you. You’re swift, slipping between the crack in the door frame and into the stairwell before Lisa can even call out your name. By the time Lisa is able to pull the front door back open, you’re down the stairs and halfway through the lobby, beelining for the busy street outside.

Everyone on the street can tell you’re taking a walk of shame; their judgment burning into your skull with each step closer to home. The tale tell signs are clear as day: messy hair, t-shirt clearly belonging to someone else, eyes downcast as you move along the congested sidewalk of a Saturday morning. The only solace is the neck of Wonwoo's shirt covering a majority of the marks staining your skin. 

You don’t breathe until you round the block of your apartment. Thankfully the lobby is empty and so is the elevator as you ride up in stifling silence. Slipping through the crack of the sliding doors, you rush the remaining distance and finally find your way into sanctuary.

The door clicks shut, and the dull thud of your head meeting metal rings a second later; the cool melt against the sweat on your brow is a lovely reprieve.

The sound of a throat clearing down the hall less so.

Glaring over your shoulder, you find Amina leaning over the kitchen island, an eyebrow cocked inquisitively. Lisa clearly informed her of the morning's findings.

Her lips twitch with humor, choking out, “Have a good night?”

“Shut up,” you grumble, launching off the door and to your room. Sharp laughter meets your back.

Hiding away in the bathroom, you cloak yourself in steam and scrub away any remnants of the night. Starting with the piney smell of Wonwoo’s body wash. 

You run through the facts despite wanting nothing more than forgetting the entire ordeal. 

Fact: Wonwoo isn’t as horrible as Seungcheol made you believe.

Opinion: He’s still infuriating.

Fact: You slept with Wonwoo.

Opinion: It wasn’t half bad.

Fact: You won’t do it again.

Thirty minutes later, the hot water runs out and you’re forced back into reality.

She can’t look in the mirror, knowing exactly what you’ll see. The proof that can’t be scrubbed away, the proof that the you let Wonwoo fuck you silly, and that you wouldn’t mind if it happened again. 

Some time later, hidden amongst the piles of blankets littering your bed, you mope. The hood of your sweatshirt tied tightly around your head leaving only your face visible. The TV hums with the drunk gibberish of the reality tv show cast as they laugh and cry over something innocuous.

A soft knock on the door breaks your focus, Amina appearing in the opening.

“Are you still coming to breakfast?” She asks.

“Don’t feel good.”

“Y/N,” Amina sighs, sitting on the edge of your bed. “It’s not that bad.”

You almost swallow your tongue. Of all your friends, Amina dislikes Wonwoo the most. She’s polite as she can be for Lisa and Mingyu’s sake, but everyone knows they get on as well as fire and water. 

“Who are you?” you question, eyes widening at the impersonator perched at your feet.

Amina cackles in response, and you can’t help but join. 

“You had fun, right?” Amina asks, waiting for your nod before continuing.“Okay, then who cares?”

“You don’t?” 

“No,” Amina sighs. “You’ve been…” 

She pauses, weighing her next words. “...down, since Seungcheol left. Maybe this is what you needed to get back out there.”

You start to object but fail to find any evidence against her claim. Seungcheol leaving turned your world upside down. You couldn’t hate him. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to make things work. But there was nothing for you in Seattle, just like there was nothing for him in New York. Other than each other. Somehow it’s much harder when no one is to blame other than unchangeable circumstances.

Amina rubs your knee over the covers. “It’s not my business who you sleep with. Unless you bring him here and I hear you, then I reserve the right to kill you both.” 

“Trust me, it won’t be happening again.”

“Why?” Now it’s Amina’s turn to be shocked. “Was it that bad?”

“No!” You blurt, face heating at the sudden outburst. “It was just a one time thing. Get it out of the system.”

Amina hums. Silence falling between you.

“So… was he better than Seungcheol?” Amina asks like she doesn’t care either way but you know she’s curious. She heard enough times about the lack of chemistry between you and Seungcheol for to have a vested interest in your sex life.

Truthfully, he was. The best experience with Seungcheol paled in comparison next to your night with Wonwoo. 

Taking silence as an answer, Amina stands.

“Get dressed. Eva is already on the way here to pick us up.” 

She leaves with out another word.

Across town, Wonwoo contemplates the ramifications of murder. 

The morning after a night like his should have him walking around like the sun shined out of his ass. Instead, the most annoying person in the city chose to rain on his parade. That person is coincidentally his best friend's girlfriend.

If it hadn’t been for Lisa’s shouts this morning, he’s more than confident you would have agreed to a repeat of the nights events. Maybe even two or three if he was lucky.

But no, you sprinted from his bed the second he feigned sleep. Watching through barely cracked eyes, he almost broke his cover when you nearly fell head first into the door knob, hastily trying to pull your pants up and walk at the same time. 

Wonwoo let you go, no snide comments or crude remarks. He knew if he wanted you to return to his bed then the best way was to bite his tongue. Goading had worked the first time, now he’d have to let your curiosity get the better of you. You would come back sooner or later, and he'd be ready when it happened.

He’d given you a few minutes to find your way out, hoping you avoided Lisa and saved you both the embarrassment. The slam of the front door and lack of screaming informed him of your success. Wanting to make sure you were long gone before he exited his room, Wonwoo took his time brushing his teeth. Catching himself in the mirror, his reflection gave a self-satisfied smirk. The stain of your teeth and lips contrasted against his skin and his back stung along the raised red welts from your nails.

Flicking off the light, Wonwoo heads towards back to his room. Lisa will demand audience sooner or later and it's better if he rips the bandaid off now. In his peripheral, a swatch of pale pink fabric tucked underneath one of the legs of his dresser catches his attention. Ducking down, he puls at the stretch of cotton. Lifting them up to inspect the out of place garment, Wonwoo finds himself face to face with your panties. He huffs a laugh before crumbling them in his hand, and tossing them in the hamper on the way out of his room. 

Lisa waits for him at the dining table; commanding the head seat like a mob boss.

From her perch, she watches him with keen interest that makes his bowl of cereal taste like mush. Mingyu already excused himself to take a shower before Wonwoo sat down, attempting to avoid the ensuing blow out. 

Every question is answered with one word answers or dismissive grunts. Even Lisa’s attempts to bait him into unrelated arguments roll off. Lisa chisels away at any sign of weakness but Wonwoo refuses to give her the satisfaction of seeing him squirm. It’s none of her business. Even if you’re her best friend.

Wonwoo counts his blessings when a call comes through her phone, the vibration on the table interrupting her attempt to burn a hole through his skull. Lisa rises to answer, pacing the kitchen while the feminine voice coming out the receiver chatters on. She ducks her head into Mingyu’s room, bidding him farewell. As she passes Wonwoo again on her way out, she gives him another furious look to let him know she isn’t done with their “conversation”. 

To rub salt in the wound, Wonwoo sends her off with an overly friendly smile and a wiggle of his fingers. He wipes down his face when the door slam shuts, shoulders dropping.  He knew hooking up with you might cause problems. He didn’t know they would become evident so quickly, but problems nonetheless. 

Worth it, he thinks 

The look on her face when she came for him made anything Lisa planned to throw his worth the price.

Wonwoo didn’t care what any of them had to say, you both were grown adults. He wanted to sleep with and you wanted to sleep with him. End of conversation. Anyone else’s opinion meant nothing.

And if things go the way he thinks they will, he’ll get to see you in his bed again.

Taglist: @tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu @lovelyhachi

Series Taglist: @aaniag @sdoulc @wonvsmile @jeonwonwooscutie @wonrangwoo @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @yogurttea @4cheezflatbred @fragmentof-indifference @p-dwiddle @icedearlgreytea @cottoncheol @hoshiskimchi @listxn @kwonshiho

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

#ksmutsociety #kvanity #svthub #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo smut #seventeen smut #wonwoo x reader #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #svt smut #🫡 highvern

[lobotomyladylives]

Hey i am also anti psych as an institution but im also in therapy and on meds because I cant function.............. do you believe the meds can benefit me or am i just lining their pockets at my own detriment? im not about taking medical advice from tumblr but i have been looking for more opinions because im not knowledgeable on this and i want to read

I'm the first to admit that some people do in fact benefit from their meds, I'm one of those people to some extent. I am pretty happy with a few of my prescriptions. but on a larger scale, there are certain classes of medications that are widely prescribed that I believe do far more harm than good in the way they're currently being used.

the most harmful of these are antipsychotics. I used to be on one & I now refuse to take it, APs are just a chemical lobotomy, they literally shrink your brain over time + make you balloon up & give you diabetes, tardive dyskinesia, etc, thats just the tip of the iceberg. literally every single schizophrenic client I had who had been on APs for a long time had a million physical health issues bc of them & most were very lethargic to the point of falling asleep during group therapy.

while APs do have their uses in extremely severe cases, the big problem with them is that doctors aren't just prescribing them as a short term silver bullet to deal with severe psychotic episodes, as they ought to. they are handing them out like candy to anyone & everyone, from people with PTSD to curmudgeonly elderly patients to literal children, usually "difficult" ones in the foster care system, prison inmates with MH conditions-even people with nothing more than mild depression get given APs. and it's all bc big pharma sent their pill pushers out with bogus fraudulent studies exaggerating the positive effects & downplaying the negative ones so that they could make more money off meds that ought to be a very rare Rx.

this is also my primary issue with the second most harmful class of MH drugs, benzos. they work phenomenally when taken /as needed/ to stop panic attacks but psychs who prescribe them as a long term every day solution need to have their licenses taken away & I'm so serious about that. benzo withdrawal is the worst there is, you can literally die from it & it lasts YEARS with an insane amount of horrible side effects including rebound anxiety. I know people who trusted that their psychiatrist knew best & took xans for mild anxiety & now they literally cannot get off them, they are physically & mentally addicted & it's more difficult to kick than a heroin addiction (not exaggerating). well, guess who's a paying pharma patient for life now? how convenient.

SSRIs (as well as SNRIs) are another extremely commonly prescribed class that's come under fire recently due to the fact that the studies showing their efficacy were discovered to have been completely falsified. they literally don't do what the pharma companies claimed they do, the science is NOT there & on top of that they have some nasty side effects. what's particularly scary is what can happen when you try to come off them (withdrawal symptoms lasting years, anhedonia, also PSSD-there are people who haven't had an orgasm in years after coming off these drugs). I'm planning to take part in some of the lawsuits that are in the works due to this mass defrauding of mental health patients including myself.

the body count psychiatry has is a direct result of our for profit healthcare system that incentives overprescription, and the issue is so massive that I honestly think it totally dwarfs the opioid crisis prior to the overcorrection & fent & tranq being introduced. fuck, at least opioids /actually/ do what they're supposed to do, unlike most of these MH meds. it's insane & infuriating. I recommend reading Mental Health Inc if you want to know more about this, it gives you a sense of the scope of this issue.

#that was such a rant lol. anon if your meds work for you thats good & you can still criticize psychiatry while being on them! #also therapy isnt psychiatry since theres no medicine involved. psychologists dont have the ability to rx. therapy isnt likely to harm you #unless you have a hannibal lecter type therapist but im guessint thats not the case #i mean some therapists are just Bad but its pretty easy to identify them early on #asks

[bwwhitney]

What I learned from my first gallery exhibition

There is a lot of hard work involved.

You can't make real money selling your photos if you have to pay other people to print and mount your work. (Or at least I can't.)

*See below

I knew going in that there was going to be a lot of work involved. I have known artists over the years who tried to make a living from their art, and only a couple of those people could actually do it. No matter how hard they worked at their art job: making art, marketing the art, going to art fairs, gallery exhibitions etc, most needed "real" jobs to make ends meet.

From the beginning, I looked at this whole endeavor as a learning experience and therefore I did not expect to make a profit. Since this was my first exhibition and I was unknown, it was suggested that I keep prices "low" in order to have a better chance to sell some prints. Accordingly, the pricing ran from $25 for an 8x10" up to $150 for 20x30". At those prices I knew the only way I was going to have a chance of breaking even was to sell out, or to sell multiple copies. Well, I did sell multiple copies of a number of prints, including 5 of the big ones, but I didn't sell out. So far I've sold a total of 24 prints and it cost me about $950 to do so.

Was it worth it?

Yes, absolutely.

The gallery is attached to a not-for-profit art center that does wonderful things for the community, so the commissions they earned from the sales of my prints will be put to good use. I'm very happy to have made a contribution to their cause.

Though I'm not sure it was worth $950, the thrill of walking into the gallery and seeing 42 of my photos hanging on the walls was definitely worth something. *And now I know, that filling the gallery with 42 photos was exactly why I was never going to break even, let alone make a profit. Even Michelangelo would never have been able to fill the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with frescoes if he had to finance it all by himself, he was using the Pope's money. I on the other hand was entirely on my own. Next time I will be smarter about that.

The people who came in, many of them friends and family but some complete strangers, were all wonderful to talk to and overall I had a great experience. For those of you thinking to yourselves: What do you mean you had a great experience, the title of your blog is Photos Without People? Just because I don't like to take pictures of people doesn't mean I don't like people. (Well, actually it does, but you can't help liking people who are saying nice things about your photos ;-)

Would I do it again?

Probably.

I'm in the process of setting up shop on SquareSpace, and I plan to seek out more galleries to try. I'm also going to submit two of the in-camera double exposures that people seemed to like to a exhibition coming up in May.

I could not have done this without the help of my family and of course my friends here. Overall Tumblr is fucked up, but our little corner is is just fine.

Thank you / merći @sharonbphotos @yesyoubelonghere @lindenardenshighlights @mariophotographies @photographybyamyjennings @trishamaeva @jbearphotos for your kind comments on my previous post and for your support. Thanks also to @allthingsfern and the folks over at @photosworthseeing

Cheers

[smol-grey-tea]

Hi! Sorry if this is a bit weird but I recently finished Nameless and have been trying to find more content of it because I love it so much, and came across your Tumblr. I've been reading your posts on the game and I especially like your one post talking about Yuri because you put into words what I couldn't. Thank you! I also really love that you're transcribing Nameless into a book! I was wondering if you want some help with that because I cannot get over this game and am planning to go through it all over again

Hi (●’◡’●)ﾉ!!!! This isn't weird at all, it is very very appreciated!!! 😁😁😁😁 I'm always glad to see anyone who loves Nameless, new or old :3 if you want more content of it, I do recommend the dlcs!! ^^ I'm very glad you love my own Nameless content!!! 😊😊 it means a lot to me :)

Yes, Yuri is such a fascinating character!! I have more to write about him and others, there really should be more Nameless essay content imo!! I am doing the Lord's work here!! 😂

Transcribing it has been such a passion for me recently, I like that it gives me a sense of purpose, so I'm very glad people like the idea of it!!! But some of it is difficult yes, and I would appreciate some help 🤔ᴴᴹ

I've already completed Eri, Lance and Yeonho's books, but before I can do anything else with them, they'll all need to be proofread. I've attempted to proofread Eri's before but rereading shit that I've already written, especially for the purpose of looking for mistakes, is actually so. Fucking. Boring. My mom's tried to but she never has the time either, so she can't..

I'm rly not sure how to get someone to proofread it but I think it'd cost a lot of money?? 😦😬 ouch.. So if there's any way you could help with that, that'd be very much appreciated!

After they're proofread ik I want them to have pretty covers :) my dad told me to make the covers myself but, (￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹ no 😂😂 I think I want them properly done, but preferably by someone who's already a fan of Nameless. I have a couple different people in mind for commissioning the covers but if you'd like to make them, please don't be shy!! We can definitely talk more in depth about stuff in dms if you'd like!! :) ^^

After they've all been proofread and such, I can I think get them self published on Amazon? It should be for sale both digital and physical but I would highly prefer for people to buy it physically since that's the whole point I'm making it

The more time passes, the more anti-digital I am.. It's about media preservation. Streaming services can pull your favourite shows or movies at the drop of a hat, just because they don't bring in enough profit, not to mention the strikes lately. If buying isn't really owning, then piracy isn't stealing. I'm growing to appreciate physical media so so so much more.

I love Nameless so so much, it is my biggest passion in life, that's no exaggeration. It's highly unlikely, but if it was ever unavailable to play, for whatever reason, I don't know what I would do.. I don't care if Cheritz throws copyright issues my way, I am determined to commit this game to a physical copy. To actually touch the pages and display them in my room and keep them forever.

So that's why I'm doing it. I do still of course plan on releasing it digitally, and will always keep the 1st chapters of each book public, but releasing it as physical copies is the reason why I'm doing it in the first place, so I'd really love if people would enjoy them physically :)

In the meantime! On the subject of Nameless merch, I do recommend (￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹ @/nocturnal-lullabies because they've made their own Nameless merch before as well! I'm not sure if their old stuff is still available but they've said recently that they wanna start doin merch again, so keep an eye out for any new posts of theirs! :)

#in conclusion: call me 🤙😎😏 now that I think about it #you could transcribe some chapters for me if thats what you'd really like to do???? but idk how I'd divide that work #or pay you for that. I'd rly love to even just make everything public and free especially since Nameless is such an underappreciated thing. #but I really need the money fr #my post #cheritz #nameless #nameless cheritz #cheritz nameless #nameless the one thing you must recall

[theriddlerdiscordkitten]

Crazy Girls (Chapter One)

TW: Stalking, weed, thoughts about death.

Author’s Note: Hii!! This is my first time writing on Tumblr!! This fanfic is on wattpad if you wanna read more!!

Quietness, is filled in the library. No one is in the library right now, great for Alison. She's at the main desk, biting her thumb with her mouth as her left leg shakes a bit. 

She likes to scribble on her notebook, scribble words or scribble random things. 

Her outfit is her normal outfit everyday, a brown sweater with a long skirt. No matter the color is, the brown sweater goes with it. She works at the library as a librarian, of course. 

Gets paid fifty dollars each hour, right in her range. Sometimes, her job scares her. What if a escaped prisoner is in here? What if he's watching her right now? Planning her quick death with a bowie knife?

She would like it though, to have her life to be ended. She's not young now, she lived a shitty life, and her parents hate her with a passion.

She never had a first kiss, boyfriend, or her virginity taken, unlike her former classmates. She was the weird kid in her grade. 

She was silent, distant, and always on her laptop during lunch. She graduated high school in 2010, but never went to college. Her parents are rich and after high school, they kicked her out with thirty grand in her hands.

They pay her ten grand a month to keep her silent about them. They were, and still are, embarrassed of how their child turned out.

"S-She's like..A fucking incel, George! Every single time we try to put her out to the real word, it never goes fucking well!" Her mom raises her voice to her husband one night in 2010.

He scoffs, "Okay? I was like her in high school and you were into that! Some boy was into her probably!" he argues back. "We could pay a boy or a man to be into her! Will that hit your g spot?" 

By the three inches open of the big door, Alison could see her mom shaking her eyes, and rubbing her nose bridge.

"..Fine, I know you have connections anyways." She sighs and walks off sight of Alison's eyes.

Ever since that night, she fully knows why her parents didn't want to be associated with her. 

In her parents eyes, if their only child is private and not profitable, people will move their attention back to other popular families in Gotham. 

She feels a hand in her shoulder, which makes her suddenly turn around, scared out of her mind. It's her co-worker, Caitlin, her eyes widened in response. 

"Are you okay, Claire?" She asks the shocked girl. 

The question repeats her mind, is she really okay? 

Or she's just ready to leave this library and go to a bookstore to get some comics? 

The second question indeed. She nods at Caitlin's question, staying quiet as a mouse. She gets up and grabs her notebook, plus tote bag, and goes to the employee room to check out. 

A couple minutes past by and she's out of the massive library, putting her airpods in her ears, and "Crazy Girls" plays immediately. 

Fixing her hair as she walks towards the bookstore a few blocks away, the sidewalk has little to no people.

It is raining hard, but it's a normal day for Gotham indeed. 

Looking down on the crosswalk, she doesn't want to walk, talk, or to have eye contact with strangers.

Her long, white skirt goes down to her ankles, her brown sweater is rough against her soft skin. She doesn't wear a shirt under the sweater, only a white, thin bra. 

Running her hand in her greasy hair, getting more tired, and angry over time. She has a bad, but good feeling suddenly. 

The woman looks up from the concrete floor, seeing a construction going on in the middle of the street, and beside the construction, is the bookstore. 

She could see the 'OPEN' sign on, flashing every five seconds. "Fuck..I have to take the subway if I want to reach the other side." She thought.

Rolling her eyes secretly, she turns her head to see stairs leading up to a train, and it's beside a drug store. She stomps up the stairs, biting her lip as she sees people, but it's normal. 

Luckily in time, a train slows down, and stops. People come out of the train with the people walking in the train. Alison quickly runs into the train and getting a seat quickly. 

Setting the tote bag on her lap, she looks around with a emotionless face. It's everyday people walking in. Businessmen or women, a mother of a five year old child, and people just trying to go somewhere. 

As Alison looks down at her hand to pick at, Edward walks in the train, and grabbing a pole to hold on.

He's on his way to pick up a old, but goodie polaroid camera that he bid on a website for five hundred dollars.

On his phone, he scrolls through reddit, while listening to a encouraging podcast. "Listener, you are enough. You are a big, strong male who any female wants." A male says with a strong courage in his voice.

Edward puts his phone in his pocket, now looking around as the train slowly takes off. 

Alison puts a strand of her hair behind her ear, now picking the skin off of her hand nervously again. 

His green eyes lock onto her from afar, now watching her closely. "Any minute now, you can meet the girl that you want, you dreamed of, the girl you crave for." The man in the podcast says.

She feels someone looking at her, which she looks around in response. As she turns to her left to check, she sees a man a couple feet from her, staring at her. 

She stares back at him, making eye contact with the man. It seems like he's in his early thirties, wearing a sweater, a white collar pops out, and carrying an backpack with him. 

Then she breaks the eye contact, looking back down at her brown tote bag. He seemed a bit handsome to her, but she didn't have the courage enough to keep doing eye contact.

He looks away after a minute, feeling himself glow red on his face. He grabs his phone from his pocket to pause the podcast, then he opens the camera app.

Putting his phone against his chest, he zooms in to have a good sight of her, then click..He has a photo of the half of her face.

He has an hour until he has to meetup the person who has the polaroid camera, it wouldn't mind to break some time..following her. 

"Edward..No." He had thought, but it was getting to him. She looks like an angel, a quiet one. Her sweater was like his, but a different color. Her long skirt has some water stains on it, but he doesn't care about that.

Her brown hair blocked half of her face, it's like she didn't want to be seen. But she's asking to be seen by him, he knows it. 

The train ride is quiet to them, both of them had airpods on, blocking the sound around them. Alison is listening to music as Edward does the same, keeping on looking at her.

Studying her like she was a beautiful painting, done by a French painter. 

"I'm just killing time..Your tiny hands..Your crazy kitten smile." Thom Yorke softly sings in a song that is in Edward's playlist, he grips on the pole, and still looking at Alison. 

"Broken hearts of yours and mine, crooked teeth from empty smiles." Annie Hardy's voice echos in Alison's airpods, she leans back on her seat, and closes her eyes. 

They both feel the train go fast then slow in the matter of seconds, it's her stop. She slowly opens her eyes and sits up, getting ready for the sliding doors to open. 

She sees Edward, still staring at her with his green eyes. She feels uneasy, but she clenches her inner thighs. 

The slide doors open as the train stop, she quickly gets up, and pushes through people to escape out of it. 

He pushes through people too, trying to quietly follow her to where she needed to go. 

She looks down at the steps while she walks down, but she doesn't know that Edward's head peeks out, stalking her. 

Walking to the bookstore, Edward stays ten feet away from her, keeping his head low. 

She hums to a new song in her liked playlist, playing with her fingers as she walks through an alleyway. 

She needs to pick up something from her dealer anyways. 

Putting her airpods off and into the case, she looks both ways before knocking on a door. "..I-It's me." She softly speaks. 

The metal door opens, a boy peeks his head out. "Your usual, ma'am?" He whispers to her, which she nods. 

She grabs four hundred out of her tote bag, giving it to him. He nods in thanks before closing the metal door, she looks around nervously.

As she doesn't feel it, Edward peeks his head out, studying her. He knows the dealer too, he sells weed. 

The door opens again, which Edward puts his head back slowly. Eavesdropping their conversation. "Thank you." Alison says, "I hope that can be enough for your heart surgery." she adds. 

"It is, but I can't thank you enough." The dealer adds a chuckle, then closes the door. Edward peeks his head to see her, putting a bag of weed in her tote bag. 

Then, she walks out of the alleyway, past him. 

Twenty minutes later, she arrives at the bookstore. Walking in, she heads towards the comic books section. 

Eventually, he walks in, his head goes up a bit, and looks around for her. "Sir?" A voice calls out for him, which he looks to his left. 

"Would you mind if to try our sample of a chocolate chip cookie?" A female worker asks, which he just walks away in response. Now, nervously picking the skin off off his fingers.

He walks to the literary section, which is behind the comic books section. "..Where is it?" Alison suddenly whines, looking for the new book of her favorite comic book series. 

"I need it..I need it..I need it." He hears her whisper to herself, which makes him grow hard suddenly.

He covers his sudden bulge with his hand and looks left then right to see anyone saw that. He bites his lower lip nervously, "Stop..Stop." he thinks to himself.

This wasn't in Alison's schedule, on the website, it said it was in the store. This, now, messed up her schedule.

She needs to this find this comic, she's been looking for it for almost two months. "Fuck..Fuck." She whimpers underneath her breath.

That made Edward's erection worse, he starts to choke on spit a bit, and looking around. "Just grab a book and go." He thought. 

At the same time, they bought grab a random book, and walk out of the section. Now, walking to the cash register, she's the first one. 

"Hello! How's your day?" The worker asks her, smiling as he grabs the comic book out of her hands. "G-Good..Do you guys have the number four copy of 'Invincible'?" She stutters, the worker shakes his head.

"No, sadly, we ran out of copies. Do you want us to order it for you?" He tilts his head, she grins a bit, and nods eagerly. "Y-Yes, please." She forces a grin to the worker.

He smiles and moves his head to the monitor, "Your email?" he asks. "[email protected]..." She mutters, which she looks back to see..Edward, looking at her.

He's carrying a copy of 'Frankenstein' in his hand, his clear glasses are fogged up as he's blushing. 

She looks back at the worker and pays for the comic book quickly, "Have a nice day." she quickly says before leaving the book store.

Edward doesn't waste any time, he slams the book, and gets angry at the work. He's jealous of the guy already, even though he's starting to stalk her. 

"I don't have a membership." He grumbles, putting a twenty dollar bill on top of the book.

The worker nods and scans the book, putting it in a bag, and getting the change for him. 

"No, keep the change." Edward mumbles, before grabbing the book, and stomps out of the bookstore.

He spots her easily, following her from afar. Then, his phone buzzes, he forgot about the polaroid camera he needs to pick up. He looks up from his phone, to Alison from afar, then back down his phone.

He walks away from her direction, biting her lip. "Fuck..I can't wait. But google is a thing." He thought.

Walking to a bus stop, Alison starts to listen to music to calm her down, picking the skin off of her arm now. 

"Just keep breathing, just keep breathing." She thinks, trying to say that sentence in her mom's or her aunt's voice. 

Alison reaches her apartment, grabbing her keys out of her tote bag, and unlocking her door.

Walking in her messy apartment, she closes the door, and locks it again. Putting her tote bag on the coat hanger, she grabs her three important things

The bag full of weed, her new comic book, and airpods. She walks to her connected bedroom, throwing her comic book on the bed, before stomping to her computer.  

Sitting on her comfy, black gamer chair, she turns her pc on. It's around eight pm, hoping her favorite streamer is on. 

All of a sudden, she hears her phone buzz. Opening her phone, "El_rataalada is live!" the notification says, making her smile brightly. 

Ending his live stream, Edward puts his mask off, and grabbing his glasses. He pants heavily, Alison was in his chat. He knew it by her username, 'Batesisalie', and she loves to donate.

He got five hundred bucks donated from her, making him smile. He gets up from his knees and sits on his chair, turning his pc on. 

Getting on google, he's hunched over his monitor now. He types her name, fixing his glasses.

The only thing popped up about her is her instagram, the other ones are random girls he's not interested in.

Clicking on the link, he smiles as he sees her account is not private. Her account is full of photos that are random, mixed in with photos of herself. 

The one photo he likes very much is a photo of her, having a white bra on as she covers her face with her hands. 

You can see her hard nipples through the thin bra, making his finger lingers on a certain box. He looks over to open a box, his secret box. 

It's full of his private, dirty things, like lube, or a pussy pocket. But his finger softly touch his flesh light, he grabs it suddenly. 

Zooming in her bra, he unbuckles his pants. Pulling his pants, same with his boxers, down to his ankles. 

He's already hard, his cock is up, and against his stomach. His thumb rubs the plastic clit on the fleshlight, imagining it's her clit.

He knows that she would be whimpering, "Good girl.." he whispers with a smile. 

He's gonna have a good night..

<?>

#edward nashton #riddler 2022 #paul dano #paul dano riddler #Edward nashton fanfic

[monarchofrymden]

I posted 26,167 times in 2022

36 posts created (0%)

26,131 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spittingspite

@featherbow

@mikkeneko

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I tagged 398 of my posts in 2022

#posts my mum would like - 8 posts

#england - 8 posts

#system host william - 5 posts

#dw - 4 posts

#the queen - 4 posts

#queen elizabeth ii - 4 posts

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#the magnus archives - 4 posts

#doctor who spoilers - 4 posts

#doctor who - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#found out that tiktok of the lass carding wool while talking about how she got her mum to beta read symbrock smut is in a server im in

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Magnus Archives AU where everything is the same except MAG 65 Binary is about Hatsune Miku

"The angles cut me when I try to sing."

24 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

#4

Yes, I am glad the Parasite in Chief Queen Elizabeth II is dead. But at the same time, I know this spells disaster for the country.

This is the worst cost of living crisis the UK has ever seen already, and things will not be helped by the millions of pounds that are to be spent on a Royal Funeral and Coronation. This winter, hundreds of thousands of people will starve and go without heating, they will die because they can't afford to eat and pay the rent. Hundreds of thousands of children will go hungry because they can no longer get free school meals. The common people of this country are being pushed further down into poverty, while those with money and power steal what little money we have left for themselves.

We also have a new Prime Minister, yet another Tory profiteer that the people of this country did not vote for. Her leadership campaign was funded by the record high profits of an oil giant, while the genuine people of this country face insurmountable, unpayable and unmanageable high prices just to turn the lights on.

This is a dire time for the people of this country. The deliberate negligence at the hands of Crown and Government have already murdered thousands of people, and they plan to murder thousands more.

Fuck the Queen. Fuck the new King. Fuck the PM. God has forsaken our country.

27 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#3

The Media TM portraying DID: oh god theres evil voices in my head and they want to kill I can't control them

The Reality of DID: aight which one of you cunts read Homestuck while I wasn't looking

38 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#2

THE QUEEN HAS COVID

199 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

585 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[mama-made-a-mistake]

Okay So I’m actually gonna use this as a blog for now. I’m so exhausted.

Hi I’m babigail and I”m fucking exhausted. I know my partner doesn’t use tumblr anymore so as long as I’m careful they shouldn’t find this. they don’t currently have the password for my laptop anyways. 

So here’s a little history to get you kind of maybe caught up on what’s going on, if you care. Keep in mind, I do still love them with a lot of my being. It’s just really complicated. Or maybe it’s not, and I just make really bad decisions,. 

I’m 21, about to turn 22. I’m about to turn the age that they were when I met them, almost four years ago. I was 18, they’d just turned 22. I was halfway through my senior year of high school. They had just gotten out of an abusive relationship with someone who’d gotten them into meth. They were completely agoraphobic and riddled with other mental illnesses and trauma. No job. Disabled. No benefits. Very little support. And my lonely ass was infatuated and ready to help. This pretty much rooted me to them. Shortly after we got together, their friend agreed to take them in and let them crash on his couch, long as they helped around the house and whatnot. My partner stayed away from meth, but they were feeling the withdrawal really bad, as well as still dealing with a major breakup, wrestling unmedicated mental illness, and trying to build and navigate their new relationship with me. They skated by on help from me, their moms, and their friends. I spent the night with them on their friend’s couch quite a bit, but I still had my own sort of separate life at home.

Looking back, it was a kind of double life. I hid them and the relationship entirely from my family. Previous experiences with bad relationships had left me terrified of my family knowing about ANY romantic involvements I had. My friends knew about my partner, but I don’t know if they really liked my partner at all. For the longest time, they didn’t like my friends. It was a little iffy, but I still had time that I spent with my friends and then also time I spent with my partner. I got to graduating, and STILL hid them from my family, up until the graduation party. It wasn’t my plan to do it that way, but they really wanted to come to my graduation party. They wanted to be there and support me and finally meet my family. It’d been about 5 months at this point. They’d already mentioned moving in together soon. The park where we had the party was near their friend’s place, and though they had no ride, no car, and were still extremely terrified of leaving the house, they walked about 6 blocks to come to the party and see me. I couldn’t hide it anymore, so I introduced them to my family and my family to them, and it was all surprisingly okay. 

Now rewind to about a month before that. We got into a fight in early May, and we almost broke up. I almost got out. Then, I have my friend drive me to their friend’s place so I can give them back the few things I had of theirs and to get back my few things that I’d left there. I got there, they asked for a hug and I melted and we made up and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I got sucked back in. A month and a half later, their friend stole a bunch of their shit and dipped, leaving them alone with no job and no way to pay for the apartment their pal abandoned. So, me, not knowing what to do, asked my parents (Who were still supporting my brother and I living there while they went through a divorce) if my partner could move in. My partner, who had no way of supporting themselves let alone me, who my folks had only known for a couple weeks at this point. My family is too kind. My partner moved into my childhood bedroom with me, under the condition that we start working towards getting our own place. I got a job at a gas station. They were still too damaged to work. They wanted to move towards their dream of being a toy collector and having a youtube channel, flipping figures and collectibles for profit. It wasn’t very profitable. I supported it anyways, because I wanted to support them and their dream. Things were kinda really nice. 

And then Covid hit. 

#Babigail.txt #shut the fuck up #personal blog #abuse tw #drugs tw #unhealthy relationship #part 1 #I have to get ready for work #otherwise I'd finish this story #There's still so much to tell

[sunflowersteves]

jealous thoughts || b.b.

summary || mob!au, you have to flirt with Bucky’s buyer and you were successful, however, Bucky was the least bit impressed.

author’s note || lmao i completely and utterly forgot to post this on tumblr but this was for the marvel x reader fic fest that @fandomsandxfiles​ had hosted!

warnings || jealousy, anger, smut!!, rough sex, fingering, [18+ only]

Main Masterlist

Bucky’s coming home today.

You sigh, taking a fluffy brush and placing some translucent powder onto your skin. Your fancy white dress felt like it was hugging you. You turned to see Alpine strutting into the bathroom and purring against your legs. Bucky had to deal with a couple of lackeys that turned out to be spies from the Russian Mob. He had to be in New Jersey as well, so it’s been an entire week without your sweet, loving husband.

You discovered that you had missed the little things. You missed how his arms would drape over your body, deep breaths fanning your neck, lips gently caressing your shoulder blade, and soft snores filling the silent air. You both would never miss a single night of cuddling, even when you were pissed off at each other.

Your nights grew colder each day under the bedsheets, Bucky’s warmth was completely absent. He would always have a plethora of water glasses sitting half-empty on the bedside table but now it was clutter-free and bare. Missing your husband was such an unpleasant and disrupting feeling. Every single night he had been gone, you rummaged through his side of the closet and wore one of his shirts to bed. You would relish in the smell and feel of him until the shirts started to lose the essence of him. It felt soul burning and heart wrenching that he wasn’t there right beside you.

You wanted his hot touched skin to radiate onto you. You wanted his hand to slowly slide down your stomach, inching closer and closer to your aching cunt. You wanted Bucky to run a bath after sex, gently cleaning each other. You would always watch Bucky with a swelled heart as each glance and touch that was placed upon your skin was filled with adoration and passion.

You laughed a bit at yourself for having these dramatic thoughts. It’s been only one single week and yet your fire burning ache for him only grew larger. You could survive perfectly in life without him, you knew that very well. You just didn’t want that life.

You try to shake the distracting thoughts from your head, concentrating on getting ready for the dinner party.

Tonight, you were supposed to attend this party with Bucky, however, he still wasn’t home. The party is hosted by one of Bucky’s buyers. Erik was very charming and handsome, he would always have a smile on his face until it turned into a frown. However, it was mostly never aimed at the two of you, as he always had worked well with you and Bucky. He would make sure that all the shipments would arrive on time and made sure that nobody would infiltrate them. He was Bucky’s favorite client to work with, minus the too long of a stare he would occasionally send your way.

The ping of your phone hit your ears and you quickly walked over to where it sat on the counter and took a peak.

Buckaroo: Stuck in traffic. Sorry, Doll.

You sigh, that burning sensation resonated deep within you. You tried to suppress it but you were getting so desperate to see your husband. He’s back in New York now with all of the traffic, he was so close to you yet not close enough. You grabbed your purse and swiftly walked out the door, telling Happy to drive to the venue.

The tall pale mansion with large open windows now became almost like a small house in the distance. Happy went on, talking about boxing the whole way. You never minded those conversations with Happy, however, tonight you just weren’t in the mood to indulge. You just wanted to be snuggled up at home next to Bucky.

~~

You walked up the large stairs that ascended into the skyscraper. Your dress was long and elegant, shaping all of your curves in just the right way. If Bucky was right by your side, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of you and suggest to leave or as he would put it, “fuck this shipment, let's go fuck each other’s brains out.”

You quietly thank the waiter and grab a glass of champagne off of the tray. You softly sip on the bubbly drink, watching people mingle here and there. You heard loud laughter, soft-spoken words, and chatter throughout the grand room.

“All alone, angel?” A light smile tipped itself onto your lips, as you turned towards the figure next to you. “Bucky had some business to take care of.” He smiled brightly at you, his charming twinkling eyes staring right at you. He opened his arm out, gesturing for you to follow. “Shall we do business then, y/n?” You giggled and nodded, interlocking your arms together, and walking towards a more private area.

You sat down at the end of the big round table, Erik was on the other side, and some of his men stood right behind him. He tapped the side of his whiskey occasionally, the ring on his finger making a soft clunk every time. You kept still, sipping your champagne and hoping the bubbles will make you lighten up a bit. You’ve done Bucky’s business countless times, Steve and Sam would always joke that you did it better than he did.

You purse your lips and cleared your throat which got his attention. “I would like to make an offer.” You pause, waiting for his approval of the matter. He nods and you open your mouth to continue. “You are well aware of Bucky’s territory, with also his recent take over of crown heights. We know you’re in control of the downtown area, Bedford Stuyvesant, and Sunset Park.” An eyebrow rose on Erik’s face, intrigue taking over his features. “We’ve noticed a couple of your men scoping out Williamsburg, Bushwick, and East New York. Those are very large neighborhoods to control.”

He nodded, taking a small sip of his whiskey before replying. “Especially with the larger amounts of the police force in those neighborhoods. It’ll be harder to control the police state.”

Now you nodded, “Exactly. So Bucky and I are proposing that we take over those neighborhoods together. With both of our resources, we’d be able to take control of the neighborhood and the police state. We’d both get the profit 50/50 and we can divide the neighborhoods evenly.”

There was a long silence, Erik’s knuckle was near his lips, and he was staring right at you. You, on the other hand, were getting obscenely nervous. Your hands started to become clammy and your mind was running through every possibility that he was thinking. You were hoping that he would at least consider it but the more amount of silence that was suffocating the air, the more nervous you became.

“I don’t think this offer is for me. Sorry, y/n.” You sigh, taking another sip of your almost empty glass. “You know, you’d be getting 50/50 of the profit.” He snapped his finger and one of his men ran to get a cigar. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and lit the cigar, taking big puffs that were released into the air.

“I think you and I both know that it’ll be much harder than that.” Your eyes locked with his and you knew he was right. What happened if one of Bucky’s men went into his territory and started a fight? What if it happened with Erik? There were a lot of possibilities that could end up in a war but you and Bucky had already thought about them.

Especially with you and Bucky trying to have a baby, you both have to eventually refrain from indulging yourselves in the normal mob business. You both already decided to give the business off to Sam and Steve. And knowing that they have the same moral compass as Bucky, there’s no way that they’d make a huge fuss over a new lackey getting in a fight with someone. The only time they’re dealt with is when they become disloyal.

You set down your glass onto the large table, “Bucky and I have elaborated every possibility we could think of.” Your eyes didn’t meet his. You knew that he was contemplating your decision but you looked over at the strong buff men right beside him. “We could also have altering schedules. That way, there would be no problems with fights or disputes. Communication is what makes this plan full proof and I don’t think NYPD realizes how much we’re willing to cooperate.” He raised an eyebrow. You could tell that he was interested and you were well aware that his concerns were valid. After all, the two biggest mob bosses working together would be tricky. “My answer is still no.”

For another five minutes, you two were going back and forth trying to convince the other to agree and disagree. “I’ve had enough of this game, y/n.” You cursed to yourself in your head. For whatever reason, he wouldn’t budge. You could tell your bargaining skills weren’t working and the two of you were getting more and more frustrating. You tried to only stare at the empty champagne glass, trying to think of another way to get his attention to agree.

A small sly smile reaches up on your face and you curtly walk over to where he was sitting. His bodyguards jumped towards you but he lifted his hand for them to stop. You could tell he was quite entertained by how you were acting this evening.

You placed yourself on his lap, the smirk still playing on your lips. His eyes were blown wide, he seemed quite surprised. You knew that that didn’t happen often, a little bit of pride swelled inside of you. You flirtatiously placed your hand on the peak of his shoulder, then making it move so slowly down his chest.

His eyebrows furrowed and he clicked his tongue, “you’re married.” you playfully shrugged, cringing a bit in your head but you knew it was only to play the part. You had to act like Bucky wasn’t enough. His hands then went to rest on your hips. Pre Bucky days this would make you become a flustered mess, your skin would almost tremble but now, you felt nothing as his fingers dipped right into your skin.

Your eyes twinkled as you whispered seductively in his ear. “I do what I want, Erik.” You nibbled slightly on his ear, making his breath crooked. Your other hand went down his chest again, swirling and feeling his tailored suit.

“We were both born in mafia families. It was arranged.” Technically, you weren’t lying. The two of you did have an arranged marriage, however, you ended up already being in love with Bucky. So, your parents and his parents went ahead and made the deal anyway. A smirk danced on his features, a fiery look in his eyes had ignited. “Alright. I’ll take you up on that offer, y/n. If it means I get to work with you more often.” You smile brightly at your success. Sure, he would try and advance himself at you again but you would cross that bridge when you go there. You were just happy that you got the deal. After doing some more business, you tell him that Bucky is supposed to be coming home and he offered to escort you out.

You took the offer and his men urged you to follow them. You stalked behind them, walking slowly while going through the long deserted hallway. You were looking ahead when right out of nowhere, you feel a pull to your arm. You were yanked over to the wall of the hallway and taken inside a dark room. You tried to scream but a hand quickly covered your mouth. You almost elbowed whoever the fuck was trying to kidnap you until you heard that soft silky voice you know all too well.

“Miss me, sweetheart? By the looks of it, you didn’t.” You ignored the last part of his comment, not caring about whatever he said. All you cared about was being back into his arms again. “Bucky!” You quickly get out of his kidnapping hold and enveloped him into a hug. You latched onto him so fast that his body rocked back a bit.

His light chuckles filled your ears but you could tell something was off. The chuckles didn’t meet his smile nor the crinkle in his eyes. It sounded too fake. You open your mouth to say something but he quickly stops it and detached himself from you. The loss of his body, especially being so close, made you shiver.

“I can’t believe you. Was our whole relationship a lie, then?” You shook your head, not understanding his comment. Furious about what? You didn’t understand it so you opened your mouth again but was swiftly interrupted. However, this time, his large booming voice made you jump.

“I mean, seriously! Cheating on me? How long have you been doing this, huh? Is that why Erik always wants to do business with us?” You almost slapped your forehead for not getting what Bucky was talking about sooner. He must’ve seen you with Erik, assuming that you were trying to get with him.

“Buck-” He harshly grabbed your wrists and pinned you up against the hard wall. His hot breath was fanning against your ear and his body was pressed against yours. Your heart rate skyrocketed at just his touch, electricity boiling over in your stomach. “I guess you need a reminder of who you belong to.”

You shouted out many protests as he yanked you off of the wall, into another small hallway, and right out the door. His face was stern, eyebrows were completely furrowed, and there was a glassy look of rage in his eyes. You could tell he was furious, his breaths were short and light, his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips, and his left hand would coil and uncoil.

So you shut yourself right up and let him take you to a sleek black car that was right outside the building. There was no point in arguing with him when you were already in deep shit for it looking like you were cheating. He opened the passenger side and shoved you into the seat. You quickly buckle your seatbelt as he gets into the driver's side, slamming the door behind him. He started the car and without a word, started to drive home.

His knuckles almost turned white with the grip he had on the steering wheel. If you didn’t think that angry Bucky was one of the hottest things to lay your eyes on then you would be lying to yourself. His muscles were bulging out of his pants and tight shirt, a couple of veins on his forehead were thick.

For the most part, you stared out the window, occasionally sighing. You were thinking about all the ways to explain to him your situation. You knew it would be best to explain yourself when he wasn’t angry but you wanted him to know that what you were doing was just a game, it wasn’t serious. You didn’t want him to start doubting himself. You didn’t want him to leave.

You were so engrossed in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Bucky’s hand resting on your thigh and inching closer to the edge of your underwear. By the time you fully noticed, his whole hand was down your pants. He quickly pushed your panties aside with his hand and ran the pads of his fingers up and down your entrance.

A little squeak emerged from your mouth as you peaked over to see a large playful smirk on his lips. Your juices ran up and down your entrance and his fingers moved to circle your clit. “Look at that. Look at how dripping wet you already are, doll.” A delicious moan escaped your mouth, you grabbed his forearm in urgency.

“Can Erik do this? Can Erik make you wet by just simply touching you?” You didn’t have time to react as he pushed a finger inside, slowly moving in and out of your throbbing pussy. “I need words, baby doll.”

You tried to form some kind of acknowledgment but it just turned into a stuttering mess, his movements growing faster. He tried to keep his eyes on the road but he turned towards you again, seeing as your eyes were screwed shut and your head was thrown back. You had opened your legs more as Bucky had pleasured you further.

“Answer the question or I stop.” You groaned at his gruff voice, it was demanding yet sweet. He had never acted like this before, controlling and pure wanting. You two have had a lot of sex but then again, he’s never thought you cheated either.

“Erik c-can’t make me feel t-this way.” You cried out in desperation as he inserted another finger and they curled just slightly. “Who does?” A burst of pleasure erupted in your stomach, his fingers now moving at a rapid pace and his thumb went to gently caress and circle your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“You do!” You screamed, and he never took his eyes off of you. You were so close, the knot in your stomach was beginning to unfold. Everything felt like it was throbbing and tightening, your whines kept filling the air. Your pussy clenched around his fingers, letting him know that you were close.

However, then that feeling of pleasure was gone. Bucky had taken his fingers out and just left you sitting there. “Buck-”

You stared in awe as he placed his fingers in his mouth. He tasted your juices, you could almost imagine his wet tongue sucking on his fingers. He let go with a pop, placing the hand back onto the steering wheel. “You taste divine, doll. But we’re almost home.”

So, you did what you could only think of, beg. “Bucky, please. I-I need you. Please, I need your cock or your fingers, anything! Nobody compares to you, I-” his eyes flickered over towards you but he lightly shook his head. He opened his mouth but you continued, hoping that he’d stop the car and take you right here. “Please, Bucky. Nobody makes me so needy as you do. I need your fingers, your lips, and your cock. Please, I need them-”

You were whining still as he pulled up in the driveway. You were interrupted by his car door opening and you quickly got out as well. You were about to get his attention again until he threw you over his shoulder and took large steps, stalking into the house.

“You’ve forgotten how I make you feel, or else you wouldn’t have flirted with Erik.” He didn’t waste any time and he set you on top of the large kitchen island. He pushed you down onto it, the cold marble hitting your back. He quickly undid his belt and roughly ripped your panties off. His plump lips went to immediately attack your neck, sucking and biting.

A large, tight gasp lifted upon your lips, his thick cock was sliding back and forth, teasing your entrance. “Bucky, please!” Your body couldn’t help but writhe on the island as he slammed his thick cock into you. His pace was fast and hard, his fingers went to circle your clit again which made you squirm underneath him. “Fuck, babydoll.”

“Yes, yes, fuck,” You screamed out, grabbing the ends of the island your hands almost cramping from how tight you were holding on to it.

“You’re mine, you got that? My beautiful, sexy wife. I can’t live without you, doll.” the sound of skin on skin was loud and thick, you were moaning and whimpering as his cock filled you up just right. You started to feel that tight coil again, “You going to cum, baby? I want you to cum all over me, okay?”

He sounded desperate, almost begging for him to feel you orgasm all over him. You moaned his name over and over again, your mind only thinking about your husband. “Let it go, baby. I got you.” You let out a long cry, cumming all over his cock. Sloppy juices ran down your thighs and it covered Bucky whole. A low groan sounded from his throat, continuing to push himself in and out of you.

A long moan escaped his mouth. He was about to take himself out of you but you stopped him, urging for him to cum inside of you. “Doll, if you don’t want to-” You shook your head, pressing your forehead against his. “I want to, Buck. I want a baby with you.”

Just that sentence had hit him over the edge, his head was forced back and his eyes were snapped shut. You could feel his cum inside of you, he shouted your name over and over again. He continued shooting himself all in you, and your moans were mixed. You were both panting, no words were shared for quite some time. His hands then lowered from your stomach to your hips, squeezing them a bit.

He went to open his mouth, a concerned look was given your way but this time, you interrupted him. “I got the deal.” His hands still rested on your hips but his head cocked to the side in confusion. “What?”

You nodded, taking your hand and resting your palm against his cheek. He subconsciously leaned towards the warmth of your hand. “I’m so so sorry that you had to see what you did. I promise you though, you’re enough.” Tears had fully rolled down his face, his sniffles filling the air. After what he had seen earlier, he needed to hear that. “You’re more than enough, Buck—you’re the sunshine in my life.”

Your sobs punctured the air, your chest tightening even more at the thought of Bucky becoming insecure because of you. He lifts his lips into a small smile while you move your thumb up and down on his cheek.

His body became closer now, his torso between your thighs. “Erik wouldn’t budge when I offered him the deal. He kept refusing and it was getting to the point where we were both just so frustrated. I had a hunch that he found me attractive. So, I used that to my advantage and we got the 50/50 deal on territory and profits.” A large smile burst onto Bucky’s face, he seemed very relieved that what he saw wasn’t true.

“Oh, you flirt!” You slapped his chest, both of your bubbly laughter engulfing the kitchen. “Now that I know the truth, I’m not going to lie, you deceiving others is pretty hot.” His hand reached down and intertwined it with yours. A hum left his lips as the hand that was on your cheek moved to play with his hair.

“It’s hot, huh? Guess I should do it more often.” His forehead leaned down to touch yours, a light content sigh leaving his lips. “I’m serious, Buck. I love you more than anything.” His hand reached up and touched the shape of your nose, eyes flickering around your face almost like he was memorizing it. “I love you too, doll.”

He straightened up a bit, his sweet smile turning into a cocky smirk. “Well then, for getting the deal done, we should have victory sex.” You giggled, pressing a long-overdue kiss on his lips. “I think that’s a great idea. But this time, baby, I’m in charge.” He chuckled, lifting your torso so you were now wrapped around his body and he started walking towards the bedroom. “Anything for you, my beautiful wife.”

#mob!au #mob bucky #mob!bucky #mob!bucky barnes #mob!bucky barnes x reader #mobster!au #mobster!bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #smut #Winter Soldier #winter solider x reader #alternate universe #alternate universe mob #mob au #marvel #marvel fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Enzo anon here - the more this era is progressing, my theory about gaymila being used as damage control and for profit seems to be happenening.

I have some thoughts that I know many other CS share, i think it would be good to summarise what i’ve seen on different blogs into one post as well as adding my own theory. So this will be a long one but i hope you guys find it insightful and Stuck thank you again for giving me a space on your blog!

Let’s look back on CC2 and the aftermath of its release. A quick disclaimer : I’ll only be addressing her situation in terms of the social/PR aspect as we have no idea what other factors might be at play such as contracts and money etc.

It’s fair to say that C was and is not in a good place reputation wise. Señorita was of course a smash hit but was mostly used to promote S. Her fans complained about C almost becoming a double act with S. These fans understandably signed up for C, not S and so subsequently most of them unfollowed her on SM and stopped paying attention to her to escape the constant Showmila. For the GP, Showmila became a mockery and so it’s asking a lot from her fans to stay when she was constantly embarrassing herself to the point that it made it uncomfortable for them. Of course with this comes the racist controversies also involving Normani which brought back the entire 5H feud. This put C even further than she already was against LAND and so the narrative that she was hated by the other girls for being obnoxious and attention seeking was further reinforced by her being racist towards N. All of this made/makes Camila extremely easy to hate, to the public she seems like a privileged straight girl who has never once had any sort of difficulty or obstacle in her life.

On the CS side of the fandom, many having left after having enough of the Showmila circus, leaves very few CS to fight back against the narrative. Even more leave after Lauren’s bombshell of a podcast. For example, this graph from google trends show how searches for “camren” or “camila cabello camren” are/were decreasing.

We know that CS are a very large part of C’s fanbase so who are we left with ? Many solo C stans all have converted into SS accounts and again even then S takes the main focus, not C. So… its not looking good, having people being fans of yours only for your relationship is a risky move business wise. We’ve all wanted Showmila to end for a long while and we definitely can all agree that the end is long overdue, infact a lot of us believe that had there not been the pandemic they would’ve broken up a while ago. So where does C stand now? Well, in my opinion, after this entire circus (which unfortunately is still ongoing) C is in a very vulnerable position. How does she promote her upcoming album with so much of her fanbase gone? Perhaps a big break up album? That option doesn’t sound great when she most likely will get the short end of the stick narrative wise and be further disliked by the little fans she does has left. If Camila doesn’t have Shawn anymore, the SS will most likely all disappear leaving her with a very limited amount of people who have the guts to actually publicly support her. Another option she could have is to keep riding on this relationship until people get bored, only that’s already happening and Showmila does not have the punch it once did to get a second Señorita. What about a fake pregnancy or a marriage? God we hope not and I really believe that Camila would do anything in her power to avoid that as we’ve seen how extremely unhappy she seems just being his girlfriend. For all we know Shawn might be very against this idea too and even if they did go along with it would it really be enough to promote CC3 ? After a few weeks the excitement would have died down again and leave them both back to square one. Not to mention that C getting married/pregnant would make even some of her most dedicated fans leave for good and would still not be enough to get her out of the racist accusations.

This is where my theory comes into play, however i think her team will only follow through with this if they are smart and if they aren’t actually sabotaging her. This past year I watched as Taylor Swift released her two albums and broke numerous records and achieved incredible success. I do not think this success would’ve been achieved had it not been for the insane rise in speculation over her sexuality due to her new songs. T is of course a household name, she’s earned her place amongst the top artists of this generation but people were starting to get bored hearing dramatic songs about her oh so difficult love life being a straight white girl. This is why when folklore and evermore came out there was so much buzz and excitement about T possibly being LGBTQ to the point that it found it’s way to the GP. People were wondering what these gay songs with gay lyrics were and so they went to listen for themselves. Eventually tons and tons of extra streams and talk generated from people who would’ve otherwise never paid attention. Myself included. You can see below on google trends the massive increase in online searches for “gaylor swift”. The gaylor side of tumblr also expanded as there had never been so many songs with so much queer interpretations to analyse and discuss and more and more of the GP were getting curious enough to read the blogs. Regardless if you think Taylor is gay or not, the general public discussing it was an essential part in improving her image for Gen Z and promoting her albums thus creating $$$ for her team and label.

Keeping this in mind, I believe that C might (not having many options left to salvage her career/reputation) take a page out of TS’s book and have an era that will attract more LGBT fans than ever before. We’ve seen how camren is slowly coming back. Even just by C liking a picture of L’s it was enough to bring back out a whole lot of fans who had abandoned her. Her team see this, they know this, they are aware. If talks of Camila being gay will generate more $$$ they will use that to their advantage and push out the new gay narrative as much as they can. I don’t think she will explicitly come out any time soon, and i don’t think that they will “confirm camren” but this era will definitely set her up for it in the future like the way it has for TS and it will give her a stable fanbase for a long while, which at the moment she is in dire need of.

Although C would’ve probably liked her relationship with L to remain private I think she may have no other choice but to use it more than she ever has before to save herself. Sadly no amount of self improvement and apologies will ever erase her racist past, it will follow her forever and people will never stop talking about it, unless there’s something more interesting to discuss. That’s the way the internet works, a photo of camren together in 2021/2022 would generate more buzz than anything Showmila related. Not only would all of the CS who left come back but all the anti-CS would be talking about it too and an entire wave of new fans would be interested enough to join. There would be no room to talk about Camila Cabello being racist when Camila Cabello is actually gay/dating Lauren Jauregui is the new talk.

Of course this entire process will not be instant but we can see that they are building up to something like that. Perhaps Camren being public friends again which would still generate a ton of talk as it did back in the 5H days. She will not instantly break up with S and then be seen making out with L the next day but I do think that although it wasn’t her or her teams plan to use her relationship/sexuality, i think she has no other choice if she ever wants to gain favour with the public again. Let’s not forget that the rest of 5H seem to be on their way to having new music out very very soon and just as camren worked to promote 5H in the old days it will work again in 2021/2022. This would encourage her team even more to follow this route as it would suit everyone, even if they no longer are a group they will always be connected.

We shall wait and see what happens, of course circumstantial situations may arise to cause them to switch up their plans but for now all this 5H, camren and gaymila interactions are no coincidence. That’s for sure.

This concludes my very long post! thank you to anyone who took the time to read this, thank you again to Stuck and if anyone has anything else to add that i might have missed or any questions don’t hesitate! I love hearing what everyone else has to say. To clarify these are all my personal thoughts and speculations and I am not claiming to know anything for certain.

____

Wow, I didn't expect to be a window into another great submission from my dear buddies, but Enzo, I loved your post. And I really totally agree with you in what you mentioned.

The truth is that it is true, Camila has been selling her LGBT + agenda of hers since 2020 and even long before because I always had the theory that she would be let out after having a big heterosexual PR circus. This PR circus with the diva is that circus and what we have been seeing, because it checks all our theories.

As for Gaymila, she has always been there. More crushed with the fucking circus shit maybe, but she's always been there and one thing I want to emphasize is that most of Camila's fandom other than SS or homophobic, would accept Camila out of the closet, ALWAYS AND WHEN NOT WITH LAUREN.

That is why I think Camila would have more followers if the aforementioned are left aside, because they would have no problem supporting her and we would be more, considering that those clowns are partly paid fans and bots.

I don't think she will even give him permission to leave her, but if she does it is because that would also be part of her contract. Of her agreeing to do all this theater of the absurd with the circus, as long as they let her out at the end.

The fucking shit hole that is the industry knows that it has to please its LGBT + audience because we are the ones who support artists the most. The main audience for them may always be heterosexuals, but when they get bored and look for something else, the ace up their sleeve will always be the community and with the examples that you have given my dear Enzo, that is proof of it.

The thing with Camila is that she's never been in the closet. They forced her into a closet and that's different. Camila always felt good being herself and they have tried to cover that with different types of circuses since she was in the band because it is what suits business.

What we are seeing now with Camila is that, a double agenda, that of the circus managed by the idiots behind it and Camila's own agenda that lets us see Gaymila from time to time.

And when I talk about an agenda, I do not do it in a negative way but as something that she must have already planned.

My theme now is that it will come in that aspect. I don't think I'm waiting for a circus engagement or a lavender marriage, but I do hope that Camila can set Gaymila freer every time. Unfortunately, everything else is still very screwed up and this circus just represses it more and more.

The problem is that as long as she does not regain some control over her career and her image, no matter how small, nothing will change.

#submission #enzo anon #love you buddy

[larrahstylinson]

i have so much to say today.

I’m in this fandom for ten years & i’ve seen larry stylinson beginning as a “friend who always comes around to play football with Louis” by hannah to today’s liam live. I’ve been watching this quietly from my tumblr, never being a part of drama in this fandom, never even mentioning them directly in my tweets or posts. & I’m perfectly aware that some people in this fandom are way out of their lines being disreaspectful. But it happends everywhere, also in Eleonour lane, Niall’s lane & Liam&Maya’s and it’s a small % of the whole fandom. 

so I have just a few questions: was it also bothering you when you’re monetising on larries ideas & initiatives that went huge straight to mainstream? Were you so bothered when rainbow direction happend? Were you so bothered when we raised shit tones of money for charities that you got praised for by media? Were you so bothered when new people (a’ka new money) were coming in because of FIMQ? Were you so bothered when we were streaming your music as fuck to get you to the top? Were you so bothered by us when collecting another awards? Were you so bothered getting paychecks? 

No. That’s why it was never denied in the first place. Cause even if it’s not true, we were always a part of your business plan. You know how huge this part of the fandom is. You are perfectly aware of this & that’s why people who started this in the first place, never ended it. That’s why we play this hide&seek shit for 10 years. Cause loosing this part of fanbase will unfortunately spike your incomes faster than you think. Even if that’s okay with you, it’s not okay with company you are as music artists. 

 Saying that all of us are disrespectfull is disgusting. You’re talking about people who beucase of Larry find their true identities, who accepted theirselves. You’re talking about people finding one thing to believe and escaping sometimes brutal reality. You’re talking about people who were bullied on a daily basis in this fandom & by your managers and still are here being fucking loyal when non of you did anything about this. You’re talking about people that were made up by you. Not only Louis and Harry. All of you were a part of this so maybe it’s time to stop blaming us for everything and look at yourself too. 

Yes, we can leave, but maybe think if that’s what you really want. 

also, most of us are same age as you are, boys. maybe it’s time to end this weird stigma that we’re 12, believing it was a perfect band & have no idea about outside world. We know how music industry works. We know our shit about law, contracts, closeting and many other topics related to the band, cause we’re just a normal people, educating & working our asses off that maybe one day will become a part of your teams. 

EDIT: as in tags, it’s not directly about Liam & his live. It’s about all of people taking profits from Larry, who pretend they never did & have nothing to do with this, insulting huge group of this fandom without thinking twice. It sounds like literally management talking by liam’s mouth so I’m not gonna target him as an evil, because he’s not. This goes beyond him. It’s not against him, but sometimes, in case of all these people, maybe it’s better to stay quiet.

#i pissed af #not directly at liam #but on all people pretending they had nothing out of larry ship #it's time to maybe stop lying to yourself. #larry #ls #larry is real #bye #larry stylinson

[whyqueerbaitingisbad]

movies & shows

cracks knuckles* alright this is going to be more of a rant than an analysis because i’m basing this on both my research, but also how it felt to personally be baited by these shows. there are obviously more pieces of bad (almost every horror movie) and good ones but these are the ones i’ve watched.

please keep in mind that i am but one queer and everyone has different opinions.

Supernatural (CW) 2005

This show is 15 years old and just ended. From season 5 till 15, there has been tension between two of the lead characters. They were constantly shipped together and not only did the entire fandom know about this ship but so did almost all of Tumblr. On top of that, the actors and show runners knew about it as well. Which is why it makes it ridiculous that it was constantly pushed aside while the romantic coding  kept happening, even after show runners dismissed it as being intentional. The Destiel (Dean x Cas) case has been going on for years, and as the show came to its end, many fans had hope. But N O P E. Instead, we got a love confession from Cas where Dean looked like he was near constipated and the Cas was killed and sent into a fiery place that was not hell but s u p e r  h e l l.

… w hy.

Sherlock (BBC) 2010

Just like Supernatural, this show was renown on Tumblr for not only how good it was, but its hinting at a potential relationship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But again, like Supernatural, the intentional tension between the two characters was denied by producers. This caused an uproar within the fandom, and even left some people believing that, after the last season aired, it had been a joke and the producers were hiding a “secret, unaired season” because they had felt so robbed by this show that had implied something and denied it.

The 100 (CW) 2014

We got lesbians. We got background gays. We were happy. Then, all of a sudden, one of them is killed for no reason. Did it advance the plot? No. Was she fighting and died in battle? lol no. She was doing literally nothing and got shot and died. And then the producers kept bringing her back once a season in the form of a ghost or illusion because why? Because she was a fan favourite queer character. ✨bury your gays and sparingly bring them back for profit anyone?✨

Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) 2016

*deep breathe* This one is a special disaster. Not only was there romantic tension and romantically coded scenes for 7 seasons, but producers, voice actors and artists working on the show repeatedly said “don’t worry klance (Keith x Lance) shippers, you’ll be happy”

. … w h e r e??? You code one of their scenes with a sunset in the background while they talk about love and then one of them goes on a date with someone who has declined his advances for 7 seasons but now in season 8 decides to do a full 180. Not only that, but you announce at a Comic Con (a convention) that a character is gay and has a fiancé, only to kill off the fiancé and never make it explicit in the show except at the last second of the last episode where he marries a no name character. 

Personally, i’d like to say a big fuck you to the show that strung me along for 2 years and never stopped saying we’d be happy to then pull the rug out from under us and call us crazy for thinking anything from the past 8 seasons was intentional.

Scooby-Doo (2002) 

While not being outwardly queerbaiting, this movie’s filmmaker has just revealed some shocking news, which wasn’t at all shocking to the gays who had watched this movie over the years. In July of 2020, James Gunn, the filmmaker of Scooby-Doo, revealed in a podcast that, initially, Velma was explicitly gay in his script, but then the studio watered it down until it became nothing. This isn’t an example of baiting as much as it is changing a character’s initial design to “better fit an audience”. The worst part of all this is that with Velma’s character having been written with a l i t t l e queer subtext, people had been theorizing about if since the movie came out, but were always yelled at by the internet for “imagining something that isn’t there”. But now, even with it being said that the initial point was for her to be gay, people have no objections to still refusing to accept it. Why?? So we can’t get the subtext gays OR the confirmed gays?? Make it make sense.

Brooklyn 99 (NBC) 2013

To have the queer characters firstly introduced without mentioning their sexualities and have it brought up naturally was so goddamn nice to see, because no one does a big deal about it unless they ask for that. This show is amazing in general but the way they show their queer characters is *chefs kiss*.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) 2018

This. Show. My heart SOARS. It's just a remake of an old show so absolutely nothing was ever expected, but then it was sprinkled in and ENDED WITH A BANG. And it was so beautiful and real to see the struggle of two friends who care for each other and want to be together but have different visions of the world fall in love. And they also had characters with disabilities, a non-binary character and jUST SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix) 2020

This is a case where you go into it not expecting anything and are BLOWN AWAY by the bare minimum. And not because it’s bad!! It's mind blowing because this is the simple representation we need!! Not something over the top, but an every day relationship. It’s just two boys falling in love and going on dates and being nervous around each other, yet i was so stunned. Because it’s not shown enough. I should not be this excited over something that should be this normal. 10/10 though this show is so good for all kinds of representation.

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) 2013

This show did so much for queer representation with its general message of loving everyone and loving who you want. Especially since it was aired on Cartoon Network, a channel for kids, it was able to help normalize something so looked down upon in some circles. It made it easy to watch for s o m e people because it's a cartoon but it's so beautiful to see these ladies so in love with each other, both platonically and romantically and we see them have a family dynamic that isn’t a “nuclear family”. Rebecca Sugar (creator) really said “lemme just break all stereotypes real quick”.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network) 2010

It's the “knowing a fanbase shipped something so hard that the creators made it canon” for me. This relationship had been theorized by fans for years, but it had never been explicit in the show. When the finale episode came out and the two shared a kiss, it was a moment of celebration. The producer of the show said that it had not really been planned but when the episode was being made, the choice of what happened was given to one of the artists (bless your soul Hanna K. Nyströmthe). And as the show releases little bonus episodes, its latest was centered around Marceline and Bubblegum and their relationship. AND WE LOVE TO SEE OUR DOMESTIC LESBIANS BEING HAPPY AND IN LOVE.

Yuri on Ice!!! (anime) 2016

The fact that an A N I M E gave us a love story between two men is mind boggling and it makes me so happy!! Especially because it's a Japanese show and they’re very conservative about these things just makes it more emotional. The creators said they wanted to make the anime take place in a world where gay/straight isn’t a thing, it’s just love (ladies, you’re going to make me cry). So as the weekly episodes came out and fans start speculating, THEY GAVE US THE LAST FEW EPISODES FULL OF ROMANCE AND EMOTIONAL SCENES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEN THEY GET R I N GS?!???!! You watch for the figure skating, you stay for the figure skaters that are in love.

Shadowhunters (Freeform) 2016

*insert me being frustrated that the actors are straight so we can move on from that disappointment*

This show really said “let’s name a whole episode after this couple because they deserve it”. But seriously, they gave us two characters whose entire plot does not center around their sexualities while still showing us the differences in a relationship between someone experienced and someone new at this. They were both powerful and amazing characters apart from each other, with their own story lines and goals but they loved each other so much omgs. SO MUCH. 

It was so great to watch.

Love, Simon (2018) 

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether this movie is good representation or not. However, we need to take into consideration that this was Hollywood’s first movie with a main character that was gay, where the story’s focus was on Simon’s love story. The biggest problem, for me at least, was that the actor playing Simon is a straight man and not queer. My problem is not with him, but the fact that there are other actors that are gay and that could have played Simon just as well. (the love interested was however played by a queer actor so ✨progress✨)

All in all, this movie does represent what a lot of queer kids have to go through: being outed at school, how they then come out, the bullying and doubt they go through.

The book is also really good.

Call Me By Your Name (2018)

This movie is so aesthetically pleasing and was able to capture the confusion and heartbreak felt by a boy who’s struggling with his own feelings towards a man. His inner conflict and joy and l o v e he feels but doesn’t know how to deal with is so well communicated through the screen and just breaks your heart because it feels so real.

But again, they could’ve gotten gay actors to play gay characters…

through having this list here, i want to show you that it’s not hard for creators to give good queer representation. the LGBTQ+ community isn’t asking for much, we just want to be well represented on screen as just a regular character, not some token queer kid there for the diversity points. having been exposed to so much queerbaiting and just not seeing any representation on screen, i always get over-excited when i see a queer character, and that’s not how it should be. it should be a normal thing, something you can find in most pieces of media, just like there’s a straight white cisgender person in everything.

and they seriously need to start casting queer actors for queer characters...

#queer #queerbait #queerbaiting #supernatural #they really said lets make it the worst ending ever #destiel #sherlock #johnlock #the 100 #clexa #bury your gays #fuck you jason rothenberg #voltron #klance #...that was a shit show #scooby doo 2 #what an icon she was tho #brooklyn 99 #rosa diaz is a god you cant tell me otherwise #she ra and the princesses of power #shera #catradora #go lesbians go #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #gave us precious gaybies #steven universe #ALL THE LESBIANS #adventure time #obsidian #bubbleine

[karliesbuzzcut]

You seem to know and understand the Kaylor narrative or history so I was hoping maybe you or an anon could answer a question for me. So I wouldn't classify myself as a Swiftie, over the years I don't get on here alot and if I do it's not about trying to meet her. I have follwed her closely though because I am a fan. I have gone to every show, buy the merch. I only became aware of the fact that there was something called "Kaylor" this year. And so I just saw this post that said something like "remember when TTB let us all post messages about how Taylor disappointed us when she walked in Paris with Joe". And I'm sort of confused because that leads me to believe that somehow Taylor promised or hinted she's LBGTQ, and I somehow missed this big hint.

What I have seen in following her was 2015 and 2016 was a shit show. I followed the assault trial and the public shaming. Then there was Rep and I know some claim Lover was queer baiting. On one hand I thought YNTCD could be more accused of making a profit off the community, but I think its just how she leans into an era. She always has and based on Miss Americana she acknowledged she has to reinvent herself every era. Sultry Red, Pop Princess 1989, dark Rep, bright Lover, flannel and cottage core Folklore. These have always just been themes to me and not indicative of her personality. And I guarantee her next album will also have a theme and a look that is totally different from Evermore.

So where does this attitude of Taylor owes or promised us something actually come from? Because I mean I saw someone mention Karlies wedding and how disappointing that was but when I looked up the date it was like almost a year before even Lover was dropped. Maybe I just have a problem with harassing or accusing someone of lying to you. Or maybe I really do have blinders on and miss some big clues Taylor left for 3 years while was blinded by my own perceptions?

It has taken me SO long to answer this ask — I hope you’re still around, Anon ❤️ This is what I keep saying, sometimes I hold on to a message that I’m excited to answer, waiting for a moment of inspiration or something... and then I get distracted.

I wanted to organise my thoughts somehow but I should’ve known by now that my thoughts, just like my life, will never be organised so I might as well give it a try.

In hindsight, YNTCD was a bit of a mess. Without getting into discussing Taylor’s sexual orientation (something no one here actually knows, so we’re not going to act like we do) — as you mentioned, she was profiting from the community. But as you also said, she leans into Eras, and Lover was The Colourful Era. However there’s colourful Lover,

And then there’s this,

This second picture is from iHeartRadio Wango Tango (June, 2019) on the first day of Pride Month. On the 14th of that month, she released YNTCD as a single. Along with her petition to the US senate to pass the Equality Act. A few days later, on the 17th, she released the music video for that song.

Once June was over, she went back to her original pastel colours aesthetic. The urban legend going around in Kaylordom is that she was planning to come out, but once she found out her Masters were sold to Scooter, she backtracked. But a more realistic explanation is that Pride Month was over and she needed to promote the rest of the album.

I’m not saying that LGBTQ+ rights are not a matter close to her heart. I’m just saying that she’s a marketing queen. And that at some point she and a bunch of people sat at an office, looked at the album’s tracklist and decided which songs would be released, when and how.

So Taylor purposefully decided to insert herself into several discussions surrounding the LGBTQ community: was she there as an ally or as a member? Was that it or is there more to come?

And I’m saying all this because I want to make it absolutely clear that I think there’re many conversations to be had, regarding this subject, that are absolutely valid. And it’s very much understandable that people have questions about it to this day.

But...

...

That’s not what Hardcore Kaylors discuss... is it?

Because it’s miles different to consider the possibility of Taylor is something other than straight, than to strongly believe Taylor Swift is currently dating supermodel, Joshua Kushner’s wife, Karlie fucking Kloss.

To get there you need to believe that Taylor and Karlie are secretly communicating with you somehow. I’m talking emojis: how many? Which ones? What do they represent? Half truths: sure, she said ‘Joe’, but she didn’t say which Joe, she didn’t say ‘my boyfriend Joe’. Double messages: she said she cut his hair but we all know that means she cut him out of her life. And the best of all: ~secret sources~ which simply means that there are some Tumblr users who claim to know what’s going on behind the scenes. I know, I know, people pretending to be someone they’re not or knowing something they don’t ON THE INTERNET? Shocking. Isn’t?

But give all of that to a very enthusiastic internet community who loves bouncing ideas off each other, and you end up with ‘due dates’.

You see, hardcore Kaylor have this constant feeling that something is about to happen, they gather clues from lyrics, social media posts, interviews, plus whatever their secret informant has told them (ever). They share their theories. Other people add to them. Suddenly something big is going to happened in January, March, June. But nothing happens. Nothing ever happens. Or even worse, something happens involving their boyfriend/husband.

And obviously they’re going to be disappointed, but they’re not going to be angry at themselves. Because if they thought that this was all in their heads we wouldn’t be here. They think that Taylor and Karlie are the ones leading them on and then changing the plans on them. And if you believe that, it makes sense that you’re frustrated by the girls.

Aaaaanyway... currently the due date is an actual due date. They’re hoping something happens before Karlie gives birth. Nothing will, most probably. And I don’t know about anyone else but I’m looking forwards to the subsequent meltdown ✌🏼