#giant beautiful woman with a giant gun? two giant dogs? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

edenmemes · 4 years

Text

red dead redemption 2 starters

❝ in these books life seems so simple, but in reality… i can’t make head nor tail of it. ❞ ❝ listen to me. when the times comes, you gotta run and don’t look back. ❞ ❝ i ain’t afraid of dying. ❞ ❝ i’m still standing, which is an improvement on the last time you saw me. ❞ ❝ i still think about you. that was...that was quite a time. ❞ ❝ people don’t forget. nothing gets forgiven. ❞ ❝ your father would rather you did not do anything so foolish. ❞ ❝ forgiveness, well...it’s just an easy way of saying ‘i don’t care no more’. ❞ ❝ i know you like to hide behind the angry moron act, but it’s a thin enough veneer. ❞ ❝ when somebody doesn’t lie in this world and you don’t lie to them, then together you can achieve great things and destroy great powers. ❞ ❝ i remain a fool, and i’m sure i shall die a fool, but i’m trying very hard to be something like the man you deserve. ❞ ❝ i am always honest, maybe not always good, but i'm always honest. ❞ ❝ why you got that guilty look on your face? ❞ ❝ i trust i will not make a god awful fool of myself once more-- but somehow i imagine i shall. ❞ ❝ please don’t go to any trouble on my account. ❞ ❝ you ain’t gonna die. not yet. ❞ ❝ feels like things have changed...the whole world has changed. ❞ ❝ i feel like we haven’t spoken for days. ❞ ❝ we’re thieves in a world that don’t want us no more. ❞ ❝ we can’t change what’s done. we can only move on. ❞ ❝ just do one thing or the other. don’t try to be two people at once. ❞ ❝ we’re more ghosts than people. ❞ ❝ how can romance ever be silly? it’s all we have. ❞ ❝ vengeance is an idiot’s game. ❞ ❝ i don’t think we can go much further on the horses. ❞ ❝ i'm surprised we escaped at all. ❞ ❝ you’re...i was gonna say you’re like a son/daughter to me. ❞ ❝ you’re...i was gonna say you’re like a son/daughter to me...but you’re more than that. ❞ ❝ this is a new low, even by your standards. ❞ ❝ i do my utmost to avoid you. ❞ ❝ i thought the whole point was that this had nothing to do with you? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry to complain. it’s just so... ❞ ❝ i need you now...more than ever. ❞ ❝ face me to the west so i can watch the setting sun and remember all the fine times we had that way. ❞ ❝ do you ever miss home? must be hard, being so far away. ❞ ❝ you know, we’re gonna need to come up with a better story for that scar. ❞ ❝ there’s a good man within you...but he is wrestling a giant. ❞ ❝ you saved my life. you’re a good man. ❞ ❝ there’s only one of me. i don’t intend for them to know i’m coming. ❞ ❝ i thought you were trying to make me feel better. ❞ ❝ be loyal to what matters. ❞ ❝ you know, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you squeal before. ❞ ❝ i'm miserable. been a tough few days. ❞ ❝ i trust your judgement. always have. ❞ ❝ i'm just gonna...have a little sit down and...feel sorry for myself. ❞ ❝ i tried. in the end. i did. ❞ ❝ one day, folk will take orders from me...and trust me, it won’t be no laughing matter. ❞ ❝ here, take a drink of this. ❞ ❝ seems like there ain’t much else in this world except bastards, victims of bastards and the bastards who want to put the bastards in the ground. ❞ ❝ we’ll get off this mountain soon enough. ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept in three days. ❞ ❝ just thought you might’ve moved on by now. ❞ ❝ thanks for coming for me. ❞ ❝ you got sad eyes...like you’ve seen sad things. ❞ ❝ you always said revenge is a luxury we can’t afford. ❞ ❝ you don’t hire a saint to catch a sinner. ❞ ❝ you’re alive! oh, you’re alive! ❞ ❝ go. now. i’ll hold them off. ❞ ❝ are you okay? i mean you no harm. ❞ ❝ i'm nobody. ❞ ❝ what about you? you doubting me too? ❞ ❝ it’s enough to make a man drink. or worse. ❞ ❝ i knew not to trust, yet i had no choice. ❞ ❝ there ain’t no more time to talk. go. ❞ ❝ thank you, for your strength. it means a lot to me. ❞ ❝ firstly, we ain’t friends. don’t make no mistake on that subject. ❞ ❝ i'm so bored i’d rather be shot. ❞ ❝ it’ll mean a lot to me...please. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna sleep with your chest open if you ain’t careful. ❞ ❝ the bond we share, it’s the most real thing to me. i would kill for it, i would happily die for it... ❞ ❝ life is full of pain. but there is also love, and beauty. ❞ ❝ my pa used to say you stare into the fire long enough you can see the whole world pass by. ❞ ❝ whenever we happen to meet, you’re always helping people and smiling. ❞ ❝ do as you’re goddamn told. and shoot well. ❞ ❝ i guess he never outgrew his anger. kind of like you. ❞ ❝ some trees flourish, others die. some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. ain't nothing fair. you know that. ❞ ❝ you’re driven by powerful forces i scarcely understand. ❞ ❝ oh you fool. you sad, deluded fool. torn in two by different ideas of who you were, and it turns out you weren't neither of them. ❞ ❝ well, i think you’re as slippery as an eel in an oil slick, but still a man/woman. ❞ ❝ with you watching over me, i’d walk into hell itself. ❞ ❝ lack of something to feel important about is almost the greatest tragedy a man may have. ❞ ❝ when i was your age, i fought. i saw death. i have killed. ❞ ❝ i wish things were different. but it weren’t us who changed. ❞ ❝ nobody’s taking anything from me ever again. ❞ ❝ some jobs aren’t for saving and some legacies are for pissing on. ❞ ❝ you're my favorite parasite... no, wait, ringworm's my favorite parasite, you're my second-favorite parasite... i lied. ringworm, then, rats with the plague, then you. ❞ ❝ just leave it to me. i can talk a dog off a meat wagon. ❞ ❝ forgive me if i slip and stab you in the face. ❞ ❝ this place, ain’t no such thing as civilized. it’s man so in love with greed, that he has forgotten himself and found only appetites. ❞ ❝ shut up...you know, you’re not very nice to me. ❞ ❝ the amount of hell we’ve raised, we’re owed some back. ❞ ❝ i haven’t done anything wrong aside of not playing the games to your rules. ❞ ❝ don’t let yourself get killed...for pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folk. ❞ ❝ when you fall, there’ll be a party. ❞ ❝ every day i didn’t kill you, is a day i saved your life. ❞ ❝ i can’t kill them all silently so, when they chase me, you go the other way. ❞ ❝ does this seem like a good time for sarcasm to you? ❞ ❝ usually i’m worse than the wolves. ❞ ❝ i don’t have to be careful. i have you as a friend. ❞ ❝ i wish i had acquired wisdom at less of a price. ❞ ❝ they’re chasing us hard, because we represent everything they fear. ❞ ❝ you know all that mattered to me was loyalty? it was all i ever believed in. ❞ ❝ never thought i’d say this but...it’s good to see you. ❞ ❝ we’ve all lived bad lives. we all sin...but i know you. ❞ ❝ i kill people. and maybe i should’ve killed you. ❞ ❝ ain’t you a sorry sight? ❞ ❝ your job’s starting the fights, it ain’t winning them. ❞ ❝ some big, loud mouthed bastard tried to rob me when i was out riding so i... well, you know how it is. ❞ ❝ there ain’t no shame in looking for a better world. ❞ ❝ i can hunt, carry a knife, and use a gun. ❞ ❝ ...is it too late for us? ❞ ❝ if the purpose of life was to be liked...it would be very boring indeed. ❞ ❝ i’ve been running for as long as i can remember. ❞ ❝ they turned me into a monster. ❞ ❝ i always wondered if i was unlucky...but maybe i’m just not very good. ❞ ❝ don’t kill yourself over pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folks. ❞ ❝ sorry if i seem a little desperate. i am a little desperate. ❞ ❝ if anyone gets close to me, they’re wanted too. and i can’t have you wrapped up in that. ❞ ❝ there’s all kinds of nasty people who want to speak to you. ❞ ❝ they won’t hear anything about you from me. ❞ ❝ tell me about you, darling and armed to the teeth like that. ❞ ❝ i also...found out some unsettling news about you. ❞ ❝ i don’t know how to say it...thank you. ❞ ❝ you...don’t like me much, do you? ❞ ❝ i can’t lie to you. i’m a wanted man. ❞ ❝ that’s quite a scratch you got there. ❞ ❝ take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act. ❞ ❝ i’m seeing things a lot more clearly now. ❞ ❝ where are you? can you hear me? ❞ ❝ i think someone saw some wolves, not far away. you should watch out. ❞ ❝ guess all i got now is doubt. doubts and scars. ❞ ❝ it wasn’t me who went and shot him. ❞ ❝ will you dance with me? ❞ ❝ i like you. you’ve got a kind face. ❞ ❝ i’m not a good man. not usually. ❞ ❝ there’s a lot i should’ve done and even more i shouldn’t have done. ❞ ❝ you are a compulsive liar. ❞ ❝ next time, i’ll slit your throat myself. ❞ ❝ as long as we get paid or you get shot, i’m happy. ❞ ❝ i'm not designed for this snow. ❞ ❝ you don’t get to live a bad life and have good things happen to you. ❞ ❝ shut up you silly man and kiss me. ❞ ❝ who made you the messiah of these poor souls you’ve led so horribly astray? ❞ ❝ maybe it’s a sign. try to do the good thing. ❞ ❝ how many times do i gotta bury you? ❞ ❝ you are the only feller who could get half of their brain eaten by wolves and end up more intelligent. ❞ ❝ five thousand dollars? for me? can i turn myself in? ❞ ❝ if you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging. ❞ ❝ we ain’t both gonna make it. ❞ ❝ i gave you all i had. i did. ❞ ❝ if we have to fight, we fight. If we have to run, we’ll run. if we must die, we’ll die. but…we’ll stay free. ❞ ❝ people call me lazy. i’m not lazy, just don’t like working. there’s a difference. ❞ ❝ i guess...i’m afraid. ❞ ❝ oh, i didn’t know i was talking to a lady. ❞ ❝ i don’t feel too good. ❞ ❝ you have finally lost your mind. ❞

#sentence starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #rp meme #long post for ts /#im gonna add more to this one later on ! & update it now & again #there's a LOT of stuff in r/dr

419 notes · View notes

nataliedanovelist · 4 years

Text

GF - Can’t Stand It

For @ho-ne-ye.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stan was having a bad day. Well, a bad week. Scratch that, a bad month.

It was March, a beautiful time out in the Arctic. For several weeks the Stan twins hardly ever saw the sun or didn’t see it at all. Closer to the holidays they traveled down south to Northern Europe, exploring the United Kingdom and the Northern Islands in order to enjoy daylight, but now that Summer was approaching and Spring was on their side, the Stan O’ War II was moving up to sail above Canada, breaking melting ice and meeting new creatures.

Today they had stumbled across an island covered in woods. The twins had docked to enjoy stable land, but of course it didn’t take long for them to stumble into trouble when they explored the island. Something about trespassing, Stan may or may not have been magically transformed into a small and cute version of himself, but then turned back to normal by a knocked-over potion. It was all a blur, and it all ended with Stan and Ford being tied together hanging over a raging fire as the clan of seal-people with war paint danced around them and singing a weird song.

Enough was enough. With a knife slipped out of a boot and a few left and right hooks, Ford and Stan managed to get away, now being chased by the angry clan and flying arrows. Stan dove on top of Ford to shield his brother from an arrow and they both scurried to their feet and ran deeper into the woods, heading for the beach, but their path was blocked by a giant monster, a half-spider, half-scorpion kind of creature with eight legs, pinchers, a sharp tail, four red eyes, and an angry kiss as it’s hairs vibrated.

Ford shot at it with his ray gun and that only made it angry. It dove for the six-fingered scientist, but Stan shoved him out of the way and soon Stan was thrown back to a tree and made very little attempts to get back up.

“STANLEY!” Ford cried out and shot at the monster again, this time hitting it in the eye. Temporarily blinded and distracted, Ford was about to grab a nearby spear thrown by a villager, pierce the monster, and leave it to bleed to death as he ran to his brother and knelt in front of him. “Stanley! Stanley, can you hear me? Are you hurt?”

“M’fine, m’fine,” The old sailor mumbled as he blinked a few times. “Just lemme catch my breath…”

Ford noticed how he had a hand to his side. He gently prided it away and was horrified to find blood. The monster must have pierced Stan. In one swift motion the eldest by fifteen minutes scooped Stan up and began to carry him to the shore. “You’ll be okay. I’ll fix you up, I can fix this.”

His brother grunted in response, his hands loosely over his wound, but Stan was losing his strength. Ford then noticed a bead of blood dripping down the back of Stan’s neck; he must have also hit his head perfectly on the tree. Ford swallowed, making his Adam’s apple bobble, and he firmly instructed, “Stay with me, Stanley. Don’t go to sleep. You might have a concussion.”

“M’tired.” He muttered in his twin’s chest. They were close, so close to home. Ford’s boots crushed the sand beneath them.

“Stanley Pines, stay with me!” Ford shouted, ignoring the way his brown eyes stung.

“Why should I?”

Ford’s heart threatened to stop. Stan’s voice had been so quiet that he had nearly missed it, but the old scientist heard every word. The wounds didn’t look that bad, Stan would be fine, he was too tough to be taken down by some pathetic monster like that, but the fact that Stan was even considering…

“Wh-Why?!” Ford repeated, mortified by his brother’s delusional question. “Why?! Because I need you! Don’t you dare think about giving up on me, Stanley, don’t you dare! C-Come on, d-d-don’t you wanna see Dipper and Mabel again? Don’t you wanna see Soos marry that Melody girl?”

Stan’s breathing was shallow against his twin’s blue jacket. “You’d be better off…”

“NO!” Ford screamed as he saw the boat farther along the beach. He broke into a faster run. “No, we wouldn’t! I swear! Stay with me, we’re almost there!”

But Stan wasn’t answering. He was very quiet. And a bit limp in Ford’s hold.

“Stanley?! Stanley! Lee! Lee, don’t you dare give up! Don’t you dare leave me, please! I… I can’t do it!” He shut his eyes at the thought and let tears flow down his cheeks as he climbed up onto the Stan O’ War II. “I can’t lose you again. Please, don’t make me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t fair.

Stan should be perfectly fine, he should be happy. He got his brother back, he had a real family for the first time in forty years, he was living out his dream with his best friend. He wasn’t alien to feeling this cruddy about himself, but at least back then he had something to work towards, something to keep him going, and something to distract him from the voices in his head. But now his thoughts were more apparent now more than ever before and they wouldn’t go away.

The fact remained that everyone would be better off without Stan. He was a mistake, the screw-up, a criminal, a con-artist, a dirty sailor, a worthless heap of flesh. No one really wanted him around, and the people who did would soon get sick of him. Dipper and Mabel called them less and less (which to be fair they have been very busy with exams on the way). And even if it was Ford’s idea to go sailing, how long would it be before he changed his mind? Or had he really meant what he said? Or had he only said what he said because he felt guilty?

No. There was no changing the old man’s mind. Everyone would be better off without him.

He walked down the dock with his hands in the pocket of his brown trenchcoat, his boots clicking against the wood gently. It was bright and shiny and beautiful without it hurting his eyes or requiring sunglasses over his regular glasses. The sun glistened on the water and a soft breeze made him comfortable. The only odd thing was that there was only one boat.

A small boat, actually. It had a sail, like their dream boat as kids, with a cabin down in the bunkers. It was plain and clean and new, with a golden pole and rims on the windows. On it sat a young lady, about early-twenties, with short blonde hair. She was odd, wearing a white Hawaiian shirt with golden palm leaves, white shorts, and had a golden watch on her wrist as she filed her nails, reminding Stan of a secretary from high school. This girl was sitting on the boat with her legs crossed, sporting white sneakers, and hummed a familiar tune, though Stan couldn’t pinpoint it.

The girl glanced up at him, put her eyes back on her work, and called, “You coming?”

Stan shrugged, his hands still in his pockets. “Depends. Where you going, sweetie?”

“Well I’m hoping to grant a handsome sailor his wish, but it’s whatever.” The woman said as she held up her hand to look at her nails boringly.

Stan smiled cockily. “Oh yeah, how so?”

“You think everyone would be better off without you, right?” The woman stood and gestured to her boat. “Wanna see for yourself?”

Stan blinked. Okay this was weird. Was he on TV? He shook his head like a wet dog and scratched next to his red beanie. “Uh… ‘cuse me?”

“You heard me. Wanna see if you’re right?”

“How are you gonna show me if I’m right or not?” Stan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

The woman sighed as she glanced at her watch. “Look, I don’t have a lot of time, so here’s how it’s gonna go. I’m gonna go sailing to a timeline in which you were never born. Ford never had a twin, Caryn and Filbrick only had two sons, et cetera and et cetera. Then we can talk about where we’ll go from there. But whether you’re coming or not, this boat is leaving in thirty seconds.”

Stan looked away from the woman, down at the sea crashing against the dock gently. This didn’t make any sense. This was like something out of a cheesy movie. He didn’t have to go with this girl and see a world without him in it, but it might answer some of his questions. He just wasn’t sure if he would get the answers he wanted. Oh well, it’s not like he had anything better to do.

“Ten seconds.”

“Alright, I’ll bite.” Stan shrugged and climbed up on board. “Set sail, Ms… Hey, what’s your name, anyways?”

“You can call me Honey.”

“Okay, Honey…”

“Oh my God, he called me honey…”

“Wait wut?”

“Time to go!” The woman grinned for the first time, a sly foxy smile with sparkling eyes and beautiful lips curled upward. She stood from her seat, pulled her sail loose, and it suddenly jetted across the sea so fast it threw Stan back and he had to catch himself from falling into the ocean, meanwhile the girl in all white stood perfectly calm.

“So, where we going?”

“I told you,” Honey said calmly. “We’re gonna go see what it would've been like if you had never been born.”

“Yeah, but where?”

“First stop, Gravity Falls.” The sea around them was fading into woods and trees and dirt, and soon the bot came to such a sudden stop that Stan was thrown to the other side and sat his head on a pinetree, growling as he stood up straight on the sailboat and rubbed his forehead.

Stan looked around and recognized the woods. Yup, this was definitely Gravity Falls, but… something was off. It was gray and cloudy overhead. And they were in front of a big open patch of woods Stan had never seen before.

“What is this place?” Stan asked as he hopped off the sailboat in the mud.

“Gravity Falls.”

“I know that! I mean… I’ve never been here before.”

“Yes you have.” The woman said as she got off her ride and stood beside the old sailor. “You lived here for thirty years in another timeline.”

Stan’s eyes widened. “No… Is this where the Mystery Shack’s supposed to be?”

“You got it.”

“But…” Stan was racking his brain, thinking. “What, did Ford never come here? Cuz he went to that West Coast Tech school he never came here?”

“Nope. Ford never moved to Gravity Falls, which means no Mystery Shack.”

“I always thought there’d be a big mansion here or something.” Stan shrugged and said, “Okay, so there’s no rundown tourist trap. Big deal.”

“Eh, so you think.” Honey started to walk into the woods, giving no invitation for Stan to follow, making it easier for the conman to do so. “Do you remember what this town was like before the Shack?”

Stan shrugged with his hands in the pocket of his trenchcoat. “Not much. Just a bunch of paranoid weirdos who needed a good laugh.”

They emerged from the woods and Stan gasped at the town. It was even more worn down and cheap than it had been when Stan came thirty years ago. Broken windows were boarded up, pavement was cracked, and either ketchup or blood was splattered here and there.

“Whoa hey, what happened?” Stan asked as they left the woods and walked through the town, shouts and coughs being heard in the distance. “I know this place is a dump, but not this much of a dump.”

“Stan, do you really think your business was the only one to succeed due to the tourists coming in?” The woman in white asked. “What about the motels? Diners like Greasy’s? Stores and gas stations? All those out-of-state tourists didn’t just give money to the Shack. You’d be surprised how much one tourist trap helps the economy of one struggling town.”

“Okay, sure, but there’s no way the Shack helped out the town this much.” Stan argued, gesturing around them lazily.

“No, you’re right. Really, the town didn’t hit hard times until about five years ago.”

“Why…”

Screeching tires interrupted the old man. He and Honey watched as a very nice, rich-looking pick-up truck spun around the corner and came to a sudden stop in front of a grocery store. Stan’s jaw dropped to the pavement as he watched someone he barely recognized get out of the passenger’s seat.

Soos had a black baseball cap on backwards, wearing a cold, spiky, black-leather jacket, torn jeans, and a gothic, graphic t-shirt. His eyes were so cold and menacing, he seemed a bit taller due to holding himself up with so much pride, and when he snapped his fingers and pointed to the grocery store, five guys emerged from the truck and raided it like it was the end of the world.

“S-Soos?!” Stan gasped. “Soos, what are you doing?!” But he was ignored.

“No one can see or hear us, Stanley.” Honey said as they watched Soos’ gang drag a cashier out by her long hair and began to pumble her just because they could. Soos did nothing to stop it, even smiled a little as the girl screamed for help.

“I don't get it… Soos is a good kid! He’d never hurt a fly! Why in Moses’ name is he…” Stan couldn’t finish the sentence. He was frighteningly reminded of the Colombian gang he was once under.

“Oh, c'mon sweetie, connect the dots. Who do you think taught Soos to be a good kid?”

“His abuelita did.”

The woman chuckled and shook her head. “She tried, but as he got older it really began to hurt that his dad didn’t wanna be around him. And cuz you weren’t there to tell him otherwise… let’s just say high school never happened for him.”

“What?!”

“He dropped out of school in the eighth grade and joined a small gang outside of town. Eventually he made his way up the ranks and now his little gang terrorized the bottom half of Oregon.”

“B-But why?! All cuz I wasn’t there?” Stan asked, shaking his head. “There’s no way…”

“Stanley, who do you think taught him that he was worth something? Who taught him how to stand up for himself and give bullies left hooks? Who had him put all of his energy into hard work?”

Stan stared at his pretty tour guide. There was no way Stan did all that, no way. Sure, he liked the kid a lot, but he never actually thought he impacted Soos’ life this much. Stan looked back at this horrible version of Soos as his gang loaded the car with food and cash and they sped off, leaving the woman to bleed on the sidewalk and wipe the blood from her lips.

“C’mon,” Honey said and gestured onward. “We’ve got more people to see.”

“Okay so,” Stan followed her and racked his brain. Surely somebody benefited from him not being alive. “What about Wendy? Is she still around?”

“Nope. Without you to give her a job here in town, she had to move upstate to her cousin’s lodge, remember? She had to leave all of her friends behind and she was miserable. Still is, actually. Very quiet gal. Doesn’t say or do much.”

“Wendy? Quiet? I don’t believe you.”

The woman opened a door to a shop, but instead of the inside of the building they saw a black-haired Wendy sitting on her bed in her new room, criss-crossed, holding her pillow as she listened to depressing heavy metal.

Stan winced. “Yikes. She turned into a real Robbie.”

“That kid joined Soos’ gang, BTW.” The woman said as she closed the door.

Stan was having a hard time buying the idea that nobody actually got some good out of him not being around. "Wh-What about that lil' troll? Gideon?"

Honey snorted and led the way through town. As they walked, Stan was having a hard time buying this scenario. There was no way he made this much of a difference. Okay, sure, if he not being alive meant Ford never moved to Gravity Falls, and that meant Gravity Falls changed a bit, Stan could understand that, but there was no way this town turned for the worst all because Stan wasn’t there. There was no way the screw-up actually made things better. Right?

“Here we are.” The woman said to snap Stan out of his thoughts.

The car dealership looked mostly the same. A little more run-down, sure, and there was no Tent of Telepathy in sight, but Bud still wore that stupid straw hat with a baby-blue Hawaiian shirt and tan pants, but he didn’t look quite right, either. Heavy bags were under his eyes, looking a bit more like his wife, and the little bit of hair he had was graying a bit too early. He waved his customer goodbye with a smile, but the second they were gone he sighed tiredly and was frightened by a window being shattered by a rock.

“DADDY! GET OVER HERE!”

“Oh, boy.” Bud steadied himself and went back to the house.

“Hey, how come the little jerk’s business isn’t booming?” Stan asked, more interested as to why his biggest competitor wasn’t flourishing in a town that needed someone to believe in. “He’d do great here! He could’ve used his little camera to tell people when S-... when the gang was gonna strike, or…”

“Stanley, sweetie, how do you think Gideon started that tent?”

“I dunno, he decided to use his cuteness to get some cash?”

“Not quite. For a few years he was just a bratty kid, but then he found a journal in his playground full of mystical objects, including a magic bow-low tie. It was that journal that made him think of telepathy. Even if he was fake, it was Journal 2 that inspired him.”

“Okay, okay,” Stan held his chin. “So with no me there’s no Ford in Gravity Falls which means no journals which means no Tent of Telepathy. Fine, but the twerp’s gotta be a better person without that spooky book making him think he’s all powerful.”

The woman in white laughed and pointed to the house. “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? See for yourself.”

Stan walked up to the broken window and was mortified at the state of the house. Stains everywhere, chipped and torn furniture, cracked walls, torn carpet, and in the midst of it all was a ten-year-old lying on his stomach on the couch, banging his fists and kicking like a toddler as he screamed horribly. Stan winced, but then was completely thrown off to find Gideon’s hair not white and up Dolly Parton-style, but orange and cut short.

“I WANT IT, I WANT IT, I WANT IT!” Gideon screamed as if he was being murdered.

His poor mother was against the wall, holding her heart and breathing heavy; Stan noticed the signs of an anxiety attack.

Bud slowly approached his son and tried to calm him down. “Now, sugar pie, please…” But the human beaver was kicked in the jaw, leaving a bruise and making him bite his lip so hard he bled. Bud held his mouth as Gideon continued to scream.

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU NEVER GIMME ANYTHANG I WANT! WHY YA HAVE TO BE SO STUPID?!”

“Yikes, how did not being possessed by a freaky journal make him worse?” Stan asked Honey as they walked away from the house. “I don’t get it.”

“Sure, Gideon wasn’t the best kid before the journal, but at least with the journal he had something to work towards, something to put all of his energy into, and he also had you.”

“M-Me?”

“Don’t you remember the first time you met him?”

“Yeah, he took my parking spot with that stupid van.”

“Actually, you met once before.” Honey chuckled as they walked back into the woods. “You were both at the grocery store when he was four. He was with his mom, bouncing in the buggy and demanding for candy. She gave in just to keep him quiet and tuned to pick some milk. You were across the aisle, picking orange juice, when Gideon dropped his chocolate bar while trying to open it. You noticed the candy and the boy making grabby hands at you and the candy, but you grinned, said ‘no’ firmly, picked up the chocolate…”

“... and ate it right in front of him!” Stan laughed. “I had forgotten… I didn’t know that was Gideon! I thought that was just some spoiled brat.”

“Well, it was. You were the first and only person who ever told that boy ‘no’, the only person who really challenged him and pushed him. Thanks to you, he channeled his anger and energy into trying to take you and the Shack down. But without you around to push him, he had no way to get his energy out, except his parents.”

Stan looked down at the dirt and they stopped walking for a second. “This… This doesn’t make any sense.”

“How so?”

“I’m just a screw-up!” Stan argued as he looked back up at the woman. “I’m the twin no one wanted! I’m just some loser of a conman! It doesn’t make sense that a guy like that could… it… there’s gotta be somebody to benefitted from me not existing! What about Lazy Susan? With no Mystery Shack that means no lazy eye, right?”

“Actually, Soos’ gang raided the diner and it ended badly when Susan stood up to them.” Honey winced. “She ended up not only losing her job, but her eye, too.”

Stan swore under his breath. “Fine… What about that McGucket dude? His life’s gotta be better than living at the dump with his mind all jacked up.”

The woman shrugged and led the way deeper into the woods. “Barely. C’mon, we’re going to Tennessee.”

Stan followed the mysterious tour guide back to the sailboat and this time properly braced himself for the sudden speed. Very suddenly they were racing along the sea, colors swirling by them, until they stopped very suddenly on a river. Stan’s jaw dropped to see a huge, beautiful mansion up on the hill by the river. The woman parked the sailboat by the dock and they started to walk up to the rich house, passing a weeping willow with a stone bench with a big crack in the middle.

“This is McGucket’s place?” Stan clarified.

“You got it, genius.” Honey gestured to the six horse stables, the lush garden, all of the nice cars and wagons, and at just how huge and nice and rich the mansion was. “Fiddleford still went to Backupsmore and met his wife, Emma May, and with no Ford to ask for help on a portal, Fiddleford became the inventor of not only person computers, or what’s commonly called laptops, he became the founder of the largest tech company in the country, Berri.”

The woman reached into her pocket and pulled out one of those smartphones the kids had, except the back had a little strawberry with a bite in it. “They went on to invent the first cell phone, BerriWatch, and right now they’re testing a self-driving car. Fiddleford found himself with more money than he knew what to do with and after he built his family their dream home, which by the way is the richest house in Tennessee, he simply expanded his company and made historical international deals. He’s also made huge donations to small run-down towns, like the one he grew up in, to create jobs and try to help out their economies.”

“Cool, okay, see.” Stan said with a smile, impressed by this hillbilly’s success. “One person got a good deal from me not being around.”

Honey rocked her hand side to side and led the way around the mansion, walking alongside the clear open space, passing the weeping willow and bench to move around the hill. “Just cuz he was successful doesn’t mean he was better off. Don’t forget, Fiddleford was never the greatest at handling his stress well. He invented that Memory Gun because Ford accidentally inspired him to, saying scientists have a way of creating solutions to their problems. So with no way to forget his stress and anxiety, Fiddleford drank to forget how worried he was about losing his company if he made a bad deal or if his newest invention or work or if he was putting out a good public face.”

“No.” Stan shook his head. “That goody two-shoes? No way.”

“Hey, he grew up around moonshine, he just couldn’t get his hands on it when he was living at the dump.” The woman shrugged and they came upon a stone pathway and walked down it to a small flower garden that formed a circle. “Anyways, Fiddleford was never violent, thank goodness, but he was drunk more than he was sober. He should be happy, with a wife and son and booming business to boot, but he wasn’t. He fell into depression and drank until he ended up here.”

Stan looked ahead and felt the wind get knocked out of him. There was a flat tombstone in the middle of the circle of flowers. He knew what was on there, but he still slowly approached to read what the stone said. “Fiddleford H. McGucket. 1956-2011. The angels now sing a whisky lullaby.”

Stan backed away, backing up farther than the woman was, shaking his head and even punching his forehead as he tried to think. “This… This doesn’t make any sense! Their lives were supposed to get better without me, not worse!”

“Stanley…”

“The kids!” Stan gasped and looked up at Honey. “Where are the kids?!”

The woman looked sober and she gestured back to the sailboat to go to their next stop. “Back in California.”

Stan was anxious the whole trip, though it only took a minute to get where they were going, but soon they were on the side of the road in front of a middle school. Stan watched on the boat as the bell rang and kids started pouring out. He kept his eyes peeled for his kids and he grinned at the sight of two brown-haired twins.

Dipper wore a long-sleeved blue flannel over his orange t-shirt to go with his gray pants. He still had bags under his eyes and he still had that lucky star hat to hide his birthmark, slouching a little with his backpack, but he was still here, a brilliant thirteen-year-old. Stan was a bit worried to see him looking so down and upset, but both men soon smiled as a young girl skipped out of the school.

Mabel had her long hair up with a scrunchie today and kept back with a headband, still wearing her sweaters, today wearing leggings with her skirt, and she grinned at her twin and punched his shoulder before hugging him. “Hey bro bro! Wanna go to the arcade today? I hear they got some new prizes!”

“Sure, sounds fun.”

“There, you see.” Stan sighed with relief as he watched the kids walk down the sidewalk, passing the boat. “They’re fine, they’re happy. They still got each other.”

Just then, some big buy came around the corner and bumped elbows with Dipper, making Stan’s nephew stop, and the bully shoved him onto the concrete.

“Dipper!” Mabel cried out and looked ready to punch the bully, but a guy came up behind her and grabbed her around the arms, pinning her. Another guy joined the bully and they cracked their knuckles as they gazed down at their prey.

“If it isn’t the best punching bag in town.” The bully sneered. “Feel like fighting back today, Dipstick. It’s no fun having a sparring partner that doesn’t fight back.”

Dipper growled and made a flimsy attempt to stand and punch his opponent, but the bully grabbed his wrist and punched him in the gut and kicked him down, leaving poor Dipper to huddle on the sidewalk while the two bullies hammered on him and Mabel fought to be free and help but was powerless against her capture.

“HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HE-” And Mabel’s mouth was covered, but she still wiggled and screamed.

Stan couldn’t watch anymore. He had purposely waited to give the kids a chance to fight back, but sometimes you just need a little help. “I’M COMING!”

“Stanley!”

Stan jumped off the boat and ran to the kids to pull the bully off his niece and scoop her into his arms, but his arms went right through them. He frantically tried to shove the bullies off his nephew, but again his body went right through them, like he was a ghost.

The woman stood by his side and said calmly, “I told you, no one can see or hear or feel us.”

“I can’t just stand by and do nothing!” Stan yelled at her face.

“Why not? Everyone else has. No one had ever taught them how to fight back when the world fights them, except…”

“Me.” Stan finished for her with a sigh. He made himself watch as the bullies continued to beat Dipper up, finally stopping after the ring leader kicked him in the jaw, and Mabel was let go as they ran off to celebrate their victory.

Mabel crawled to her twin’s side and checked over his injuries as he carefully sat on his knees. “Dipper! Dipper, are you okay? What hurts? Show me what hurts.”

“Ow, ow, ow,” He whined as Mabel touched his swollen eyes and busted lips. Dipper spat out a tooth and held his chest. “I think… I think they cracked a rib.”

“Let’s go home.” Mabel carried his backpack for him and had him lean on her as they wimped onward. “Mom can look at it and take you to the hospital.”

“I don’t get it.” Stan said as he watched his kids walk away. “They’re good kids! Isn’t anyone gonna stand up for them?! What about their parents?! What about their friends?!”

“They don’t have any friends.” Honey said sadly as they watched the twins. “The only friends they had ever made were in Gravity Falls, which they had never visited cuz there was no family there. And Shermie taught your nephew to keep your head down to stay out of trouble, which he’s trying to teach his kids. Unfortunately, it isn’t working out for them, and what used to be bad nicknames and gum in their hair has escalated to fights and notes to kill themselves.”

Stan bit his lip. Not those kids. Not his kids. He wanted to believe things would get better for them, but if no one taught them that they were worth something, that they could stand up for themselves, he didn't have much hope and he didn’t dare ask what their future looked like. But something didn’t sit right…

“Shermie,” He muttered without looking at the woman, still looking ahead. “Y-You said he taught his kid to keep his head down.”

“I did.”

“Why would he do that?” Stan asked. “I mean, sure he’s always been a lame square, but that’s really bad advice, even for him. He taught me and… He taught Ford to stand up for himself. Crampelter was terrified for weeks when Shermie found out he had been breaking Ford’s fingers.”

“He and Ford didn’t see much of each other.” Honey answered quietly.

Something clicked in Stan’s head. While all of this was interesting or whatever, there was only one person that Stan truly believed was better off without him. His better half, the genius, the loved son, the author of the journals, the criminal of the multiverse. His brother. Stan turned to her and asked quietly, “Where’s Ford?”

For the first time, the woman looked scared. She looked away and said, “You don’t wanna know.”

“Yes I do!” Stan bellowed and grabbed the woman by the shoulders. “Please! Where’s my brother?!” This gal had been scaringly quiet about the one person Stan cared the most about.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Stanley, let’s just get back on the boat…”

“Only if you take me to see my brother! Where. Is. Stanford?!” Stan demanded darkly, his eyes pleading the woman to make his request.

The woman sighed and Stan let her go.

They slowly got on the boat and it zipped to the docks of Glass Shard. Stan blinked a few times at being back to where he grew up for the first time in forty years. Dark clouds covered the sky. Not much had changed throughout the years, but why on Earth was Ford still here? They hopped off and planted their feet on the sand, and Honey led the way as she spoke.

“Stanford was still born with six fingers on each hand. Your mother tried to assure him that it only made him special, but Filbrick did a good job of making it clear that that wasn’t the case, and things only got worse when he went to school. You weren’t there to beat up bullies, you weren’t there to tell him that he was special, you weren’t there to help him dream of a future where they would sail away and he’d be free.”

“Yeah but Ford was always a little genius.” Stan interrupted as they left the sand for dirt, the beach slowly turning into a small patch of woods. “He’d win a handful of science fairs and spelling bees and then at least Pa was okay with acknowledging that they were related.”

“But Stanford didn’t win a handful of science fairs and spelling bees.” Honey corrected sadly. “Stanley, you were the only person in his childhood that made him think that he was actually worth something. You were the only one who made him shoot for the stars and believe that he was worth keeping around. Without you to give him confidence, Stanford never expressed his intelligence and therefore never allowed it to grow at all. He did okay in school, but he wasn’t the top student. He never participated in science fairs of sleeping bees or math competitions because he didn’t have enough confidence to put himself out there. Sure he was smart, but teachers weren't going bananas over him because no one, not even himself, knew his potential.”

It started to rain, but of course the two didn’t feel it or were affected by it. “So… he didn’t go to West Coast Tech?” Stan dared to ask as they walked deeper down the dirt path, oblivious to where they were as he was thinking this through.

“No.”

“But… I thought you said he did.”

“No, I said he never moved to Gravity Falls. He never felt home.”

“So… what happened to him? What did Ford end up doing with his life?”

Honey bit his lip and refused to meet Stan’s eye. They walked on and Stan finally realized where they were. He felt ready to throw up. He waited for his guide to speak.

“Much like Dipper and Mabel, things only got worse as he got older. He got to a point where Stanford was stealing Filbrick’s boos and he even started to hurt himself. It wasn’t enough. It was all too much for him. He… He…”

“No.” Stan’s voice cracked and he was terrified when the woman stopped and motioned to a tombstone that laid among the others in this graveyard. “No! You’re lying! He wouldn’t! He didn’t!” He yelled.

“I’m sorry, Stanley.”

Stan finally made himself read the rock. He fell to his knees at the words that shined through the rain. “Stanford Filbrick Pines. 1956-1970.”

“NO!” Stan screamed and punched the ground beneath him as he gritted his teeth and shut his eyes. “NO! HE WOULDN’T! HE DIDN’T!”

“Ma found him dangling from the ceiling. She was never the same after losing her baby.” Honey croaked. “He was only fourteen.”

“NO!” Stan shook his head as he ignored how wet his cheeks and eyes were now. “NO! He… He… He never needed me. He never wanted me around.”

“Yes he did.”

“You’re lying.”

“Stanley, listen.” The woman said firmly behind him. “You said it yourself that family needs each other. I know it’s hard to believe that you’re actually worth something when there’s a dozen voices in your head telling you otherwise, but just like how you need them, your family needs you. Your brother needs you.”

Stan listed his fists up from the dirt, his eyes on the tombstone without seeing. “I… I just thought he’d be… they’d be better off I hadn’t been around.”

“No one knows for sure how they change things or how much they really impact others. But you do. And even if you forget all of this, you know your family loves you enough to tell you that they need you.”

Stan snorted. “Yeah, but what’s keeping them from saying that outta pity?”

“You can’t let yourself think like that, Stanley, you just can’t.” Honey said firmly. “Your family loves you. Stanford loves you. He needs you, and if you don’t believe me, just take a look at what he’s like when you’re gone.”

“Wait what?”

Honey got on her knees beside him and showed him her golden watch. The face changed to a scene, like a tiny TV, and Stan started to find Ford back at the Stan O’ War II, kneeling beside his injured twin who laid more dead than alive on the couch. With tears streaming down his face Ford was wrapping a bandage around Stan’s head and feeling his heartbeat and checking that the bandages around his torso were well and secure.

“Stanley, Stanley please,” Ford begged as he took Stan’s hand and squeezed it. “Please don’t leave me. I need you, the kids need you. Please.”

“Whoa hey, I’m not going anywhere.” Stan said, but then his eyes grew wide and he looked up at Honey. “Am I?”

“I dunno.” She asked as she lowered her arm and smiled at him. “Do you wanna go?”

“Go where?”

Honey chuckled. “On.”

Stan blinked at her. “No. No, I don’t. If… If that knucklehead really wants me around, then I’ll stay.”

Honey blinked her eyes dry and stood up. “That’s what I like to hear. I’ll get you home.”

Stan stood up and followed her back to the boat. “By the way, honey, why’d you do all this for me? What, wanted to earn your wings?”

“No, this was pure self-indulgent.”

“Wait wut?”

~~~~~~~~~~

His head hurt. His side ached a little, but his head really hurt. That didn’t matter. He had no idea why, but he had to see his brother.

Stan forced his eyes open and found his vision blurry thanks to his glasses being folded on the end table. He smiled when he saw that Ford had fallen asleep by his side, kneeling beside the couch, holding his hand, and resting his head face-first into his own folded arms. Outside it was dark, which could mean it was seven in the morning of seven at night, given the fact they were up in the Arctic.

The younger, injured twin, snorted at his brother, which made the aged scientist sit up too quickly for it to be wise, wide awake, with his hair in a gray floof and his red eyes wide and alert.

“Stanley! Thank Moses!” He cried out and stood up to better look over him. “How do you feel? Any pain? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Calm down, Sixer,” Stan chuckled weakly as he slowly tried to sit up, sensitive to the wound on his side. “My head hurts, but I’ll be fine with some painkillers, and you’re holding up two fingers like some dumb hippy.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Ford hugged him around his shoulders tightly as his whole body trembled. “I know you showed no signs of a concussion and your wound is not nearly as bad as it could have been, but i didn’t know for sure if you would pull through or what I would do without you and…”

“Geez, relax, it’s okay, Stanford.” Stan shushed as he hugged him and rubbed his back. “M’fine, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” Ford said firmly and sat back, a hand still on his shoulder. “Don’t you ever think for a second that I don’t want you here with me, Stanley. I need you.”

“Yikes, where’s all this sappiness coming from, eh?”

Ford blinked at his twin and said slowly, “Y-You said you thought I’d be better off without you…”

Stan waved that away. “Ah, you say stupid stuff when you hit your brain too hard. I swear, Sixer, you’re stuck with me, as long as you’ll have me, anyways. Somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t kill yourself out here.”

Ford chuckled tiredly and shrugged. “I suppose you’re right.”

“I’m always right. Now do we have any stew left? I’m starving.”

#GF #fanfiction #gravity falls #gift #stan pines #ford pines #angst #nothing but angst #and a little fluff #maybe #I HOPE YOU LIKE IT HONEYE!!!#LOVE YOU!

227 notes · View notes

onlysarah235678 · 3 years

Text

A Little Bit Part 2

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: Here’s part two! Thanks to those who read the first part, or are just joining! Enjoy! I start work again this week, but I’ll do my best to keep writing ❤.

Warnings: Slight kitten angst? Gay panic and very brief harassment.

You hear from Billie Dean exactly two days later.

You’re actually at home since you worked the weekend, but you are just hanging out with your dog when the phone buzzed from the coffee table. You had just finished lunch and you were about to fall asleep when Milo’s head jerked up at the annoying sound. You sigh before leaving the comfort of the couch to see who it is. Hopefully it isn’t someone who needs anything from you because you had your Monday planned out already. You were staying at home for the rest of the day trying to relax for once. You might take a long walk with Milo later, but you weren’t so sure.

All thoughts of where to hike left your mind as you grab your phone and see you have a text from an unknown number. You don’t really get out much and only talk to a few friends, but all of their numbers are in your phone. It doesn’t even occur to you that it might be Billie. You honestly just thought she was being nice to you since she’d been super late to her appointment.

Despite the flirting smiles and curious looks she’d shot you during the appointment, you hadn’t wanted to think too much into it. You’d hate to get your hopes up for nothing.

What you were hoping for, well you weren’t going to admit that yet.

Once you managed to find the courage to actually look at what the message said—beyond her name of course, you took a deep breath and sat back on the couch.

Hi Y/N, it’s Billie Dean. Are you busy, sweetheart?

There the nickname was again. You ignored how reading it and of course imagining her saying it made you feel and decided to focus on the question she asked. You looked around your living room where the television was paused on a scene from The Blair Witch Project, and where Milo sat on the couch next to you, his giant paws on your leg. You shook your head muttering something under your breath about being silly before you typed out a quick response.

Not at all.

You contemplated typing more because you supposed you should ask if she needed something. However, once you saw she was already typing a response you had to stop yourself from throwing your phone. You shouldn’t be this flustered. Not by the prospect of answering questions about kittens. That’s all this was going to be. Of course it was. You were just helping -possible helping – a client. A beautiful and charming client.

Don’t be silly.

Billie Dean Howard had worked hard to get where she was. Her career was somewhere she wouldn’t have even dared to imagine just 10 years ago. She was an accomplished woman who used her gift to help people. It wasn’t always easy of course, but as she traveled to random, remote places around the world trying to guide stubborn lost souls, she knew she wouldn’t change a thing. She loved what she did, and she liked to think that she was good at it.

Today, however, she was realizing that despite her best efforts, she may not be good at everything. Try as she might, she couldn’t get a hang of this kitten thing. They were a lot more work than she had anticipated. After leaving the vet’s office on Saturday, she’d gone to the pet store and spent a small fortune on food, toys, litter, and a bed. You had told her that the kittens wouldn’t be using litter for a while and she’d foolishly thought that meant they wouldn’t need to go. How idiotic.

As she found out the moment she got home, after the kittens had gotten a meal from Bit, they had all needed to go. She spent a good twenty minutes cleaning out the carrier and each kitten that had gotten themselves dirty. She had set everything up in the house, placed all of the clean kittens on their bed in a nice quiet room, only to have Bit take each one of them into a different room. The laundry room of all places. Billie had let her because she really didn’t want to fight with her, but she’d been constantly checking on them to make sure everything was okay.

She had to make sure they were all warm enough and that Bit was doing her job feeding and grooming them. It was exhausting and Billie was definitely reconsidering this whole fostering thing.

By the time Monday rolled around, she was already stressing about work. She had found someone in the neighborhood who agreed to watch the kittens while she left to do some promotional work for her show, but she quickly found she couldn’t focus. She rushed through work and was home by noon checking on the kittens again.

They all seemed fine at first glance, but then she recounted them and realized that one was missing. She did her best not to panic immediately. She moved Bit a little, earning a hiss of annoyance, to see if the last kitten was hiding underneath her.

No such luck.

Next, Billie looked around the laundry room before moving to the closest room to start a wider search. It wasn’t until she checked her bedroom that she found the kitten just sitting on the comforter. She cursed under her breath as she hurried to check on the little furball.

He, Billie had decided the runt was a boy, was cold to the touch and she panicked. She thought about her options before she ran back downstairs to where she’d abandoned her purse. She held the little kitten close as she found her phone.

When you responded to her first text, Billie considered sending another one, but decided against it. She ended up just calling you, and the urge to curse was strong, but instead you took a deep breath before answering.

“Hi Billie.”

“Hi, Y/N. I’m sorry to bother you. You’re not at work, are you?”

You smile at the concern in Billie’s voice until it occurs to you it may not be for the reasons you think. Still, you shook your head before explaining that you had the day off and that you were at home. She didn’t say anything immediately, but when Billie did speak up, you could tell she was a little stressed.

“Oh. I don’t mean to interrupt your day off, but I had a kitten question.”

So Billie tells you about what’s going on. That she found the kitten away from Bit and the others, cold and just randomly in her room. You ask a few questions, and Billie’s answers are more concerning than reassuring. You decide to focus on the matter at hand before asking anything else.

“Do you have an electric blanket or something you could use to warm him up?”

Billie nearly laughs at the thought, but she stops herself just in time. She simply shakes her head as she heads up the stairs to the linen closet.

“In LA? I’m afraid not.”

You nearly roll your eyes at your stupidity. You had forgotten the fact that it rarely reached freezing in this city. You had moved from a state of unpredictable weather where you needed to be prepared for ice storms and heat waves, and you sometimes forgot that wasn’t normal. You nodded in acknowledgment before you went to the next suggestion you had.

“Right. What about towels?”

You stay on the phone with Billie while she puts some towels in the dryer to warm them up. Surprisingly Bit and her other kittens don’t seem to care despite being right next to it. She then goes to her bedroom and grabs the first blanket she sees that coincidentally already has cat hair on it. She had forgotten about that part of having a pet.

“Be honest. Should I be worried?”

You hold back a sigh as you stand up and begin to wander aimlessly around the room. You don’t want to lie to Billie, but at the same time you remember how on Saturday she’d already claimed that the runt, the boy, they’d decided was her favorite. You would hate for her to be upset by his loss. That said, you couldn’t really give her an honest assessment over the phone.

“Has he been nursing today?

Billie shook her head at this as she put her phone on the bed so she can wrap the kitten in the blanket. She speaks a little louder as she works on making a kitten burrito.

“I’m not sure about today. I had someone watch them while I worked, but yesterday he seemed fine. Normal at least.”

You thought about this before considering your options. Billie had already told you that other than the fact that he was a little cold, he seemed fine. You decided to go with your gut on this one.

“He could get worse, but if you can just keep him warm today and see that he eats, he’ll improve. Let me know if anything else changes though.”

I’ll be back at work tomorrow.

You almost say this, but decide against it because you don’t want it to sound like you wouldn’t be willing to…No. Would you? Of course you would. It was your job. You couldn’t just not see a kitten who was sick. You could of course just tell her to go to work and see another doctor, but you secretly wanted to see her yourself.

Your musing is cut off by the sound of the blonde sighing in what you realize is relief. You smile slightly as she thanks you, but don’t really know what to say in response.

“Thank you so much, Y/N. I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing before I freaked out on you.”

You laugh slightly as you shake your head and turn back toward where Milo was still sitting on the couch. He was waiting for you to return so you both could go back to the movie you’ve honestly seen too many times. You didn’t realize you’d said this until it was too late. Fortunately, you didn’t get time to cringe at your word vomit before you heard Billie laugh.

You weren’t sure you’d ever heard something sound quite so nice.

“Don’t worry about it. I was just watching the Blair Witch Project which I’ve already seen about a dozen times.”

“You like stories about the supernatural?”

You don’t answer immediately because you can’t help but feel like this is a trick question. You do in fact like a good ghost story, but the question seems to be more about whether or not you believe in them. At least that’s where you see this going. So you jump the gun a little with a small smile as you plop back down next to Milo.

“I definitely like them. Good ones at least, but do I believe in them? It depends.”

At this point, Billie was seated on her bed with the kitten that she definitely hadn’t named Mickey on her lap. She could practically see you shrugging and she couldn’t help but ask.

“Depends on what?”

You’re not sure what possesses you to answer the way you do, but you’re smirking and speaking before you can stop yourself.

“Maybe I’ll tell you sometime.”

You barely resist the frantic urge to start screaming at yourself for your out of character display of courage. You’re not usually the one to instigate things. You’ve been accused of being a wallflower in the past by many of your friends and a few people you’ve dated. However, there’s something inexplicably appealing about the idea of getting to see Billie Dean again.

It doesn’t occur to you until too late that your statement could be taken as flirting. Only after you hear her chuckle in amusement do you realize what you’ve done.

“Is that an invitation?”

Despite your initial hesitance about flirting with a client, you decide to throw caution to the wind and just see where this goes. The worst you could do was embarrass yourself, right? It’s not like you were at work now anyway. Not like last time.

“That depends. Would you be interested?”

You and Billie Dean agree to meet later that week. With both of your work schedules full until the weekend, you have a whole 4 days until you’ll see her again, but you’d manage. Somehow.

Well, she did agree to send you updates on the kittens, but that would most likely be by text. You wouldn’t get the perk of hearing her voice.

That thought made you pause. After hanging up the phone, you’d returned to your movie with Milo, but you paused it again before reaching for your computer. You tried not to feel like a creep as you opened your browser and searched Billie’s name.

You figured that you should know at least the basics about her and her show so you didn’t put your foot in your mouth when you saw her on Saturday. The first thing you see when you look is her award-winning smile, literally with some information written underneath it. You disregard the details about where to watch her show for now and go to her website.

For the next hour or so you read a lot about how she got started as a medium and what she’d been doing for the past ten years. You watched a few interviews and started an episode of her show when Milo reminded you of how late it was.

You decided to take a break from being too curious and take Milo on a walk like you’d originally planned. He jumped up at the word ‘walk’ and ran to grab his leash while you ran upstairs to change. On your way back down the stairs you grab your phone and keys before heading to the parking lot. You’re determined to enjoy your day off, so you follow Milo out to the car and do your best to ignore the growing anxiety associated with seeing Billie again. You’re excited of course, but you don’t know what to expect from the medium. Perhaps you just shouldn’t have any expectations for this…get together. You hadn’t called it anything in particular. You were just going to get lunch.

You still hadn’t convinced yourself not to worry by the time you got Milo buckled in the backseat.

Billie Dean hadn’t really given much thought to the idea of having children. Since her career had taken off, she’d convinced herself that she was too busy. She wouldn’t have the time for them and she honestly wasn’t sure she wanted them. She’d never really thought she’d be a good mother.

That said, if raising children was anything like taking care of kittens, then she was definitely right. This experience was very humbling.

Since she’d hung up with you, she’d been multitasking like a pro. She’d been spending time with the kittens, and making sure that Mickey had nursed and was cuddled up to Bit like the rest of his siblings. Billie had noticed quickly that Bit didn’t pay as much attention to the runt of her litter as she did to everyone else. This observation made her worry and as a result, she spent a lot more time caring for him to make up for it. She was getting a hang of this, but it was exhausting.

Between going over the rest of her week with her assistant and responding to emails from her producer, she was checking on the cats to the point that Bit was probably annoyed.

She hadn’t decided what she was going to do with the cats once they were old enough to adopt out. She knew with her work she couldn’t keep them. Not without changing her schedule significantly. She didn’t want to keep them just to have them stay with other people.

Unfortunately, no one had responded to the found posters she’d had her assistant print out and post around her neighborhood. This made her think that Bit really had been a stray, or at the very least no one wanted her. She sighed as she looked down at her watch again. She’d been checking on them about every half hour which seemed excessive, but she’d found that if she waited any longer, she’d just get antsy and not get any work done. She put out her cigarette in an ash tray, she’d only been smoking when she was away from the cats, and headed upstairs.

When Billie arrived to the laundry room, she saw Bit getting situated again onto the bed with all of her kittens. Or at least 5 of them. She sighed in annoyance before she confirmed who was missing, and immediately left the room in search for him.

This was the third time the Bit had moved Mickey to her room. She found him exactly where he’d been last time, on her pillow. She moved to pick him up and he stirred slightly before making the cutest little noise. Billie smiled before taking him back to the laundry room where Bit was busy grooming herself. She put him back among the other kittens, and after checking on them she headed back downstairs.

It was only a few minutes later when she heard the sound of quiet footsteps upstairs. She listened carefully and waited until she heard Bit jump up onto something to go investigate. She reached the top of the stairs at the same time that Bit was leaving her room and darting back to the laundry room. She groaned loudly as she saw Mickey lying on her pillow again shifting and mewling from being jostled once again.

“For the love of…”

You were still hiking at one of your favorite spots when Billie was struggling to deal with her cats. It wasn’t too crowded at the park you’d chosen because it was the middle of the day on a Monday. That said, there were still plenty of people and dogs around to keep your mind from wandering too much to Billie.

You had to be a little careful with Milo when out in public. Not because he was aggressive, but because it was easy for him to get overwhelmed. He was blind in one eye due to an injury he’d suffered when he was a puppy, and it was sometimes difficult for him to keep track of everything around him. That said, even though parts of this park were designated off-leash areas, Milo usually preferred to stay by your side. He could be a little anxious when surrounded, but he was getting a lot better from going to work with you every day.

For this reason, you weren’t too concerned when you saw a family with several children approaching you on the trail. Milo loved children.

After Milo got his fill of pets from the children, the two of you continued on your path toward the park. Your mind started to wander as Milo dragged you toward the wide-open space with at least a dozen dogs. The two of you were only half way through your walk, but you had a feeling you’d be stopping for a while to make friends.

At the end of the walk when you arrived back to your car, you realized that you had been without cell service for most of the walk. You had a couple of text messages from Billie Dean, one of which included a picture. That made you smile until you read the message that came with the picture of Mickey sleeping in Billie’s arms.

Why does Bit keep moving him out of bed and dumping him in my room?

You frowned at the thought of this happening, but before you could respond Milo barked and reminded you that you hadn’t opened the door for him. You sighed before getting him settled in the backseat before leaning against the car to type a quick response.

I’m not sure, but Bit may just not want to take care of him.

You consider how that might make Billie feel, but realize that you can’t really sugar coat it. Sometimes a mother abandoned their runts because she didn’t think they’d survive. You hoped that this wasn’t the case for Mickey, but hearing what Bit’s been doing doesn’t make you feel very optimistic. You realize that Billie had sent this message over an hour ago so you send another quick message before heading home.

Sorry I didn’t respond earlier. I’m out hiking with Milo.

The drive home takes a little longer than it usually would because you take a detour at the pet store. You made the mistake of making Milo wait too long in the backseat by himself and he’d chewed his leash in half out of spite. At least that’s what you told yourself. So you led him on a short leash into the pet store to find a replacement. You find one in a few minutes and are headed to the register when you hear someone behind you say your name.

“Dr. Y/L/N.”

You turn to see an employee that you had honestly hoped wasn’t working today. She wasn’t at the register like she’d been last time and you’d foolishly hoped that meant she wasn’t in. You tried not to sigh in annoyance as you turned around with a tight smile, waving the leash in your hand slightly.

“Hey. How are you?”

You ask as a courtesy because you honestly don’t want to spend any more time talking to this woman. You didn’t have anything against the brunette, except that she couldn’t take a hint. She was persistent to the point that it made you a little uncomfortable. The first time you were in here she’d asked you way too many personal questions, and since then you’d called the vet clinic here a few times and whenever she answered she’d flirt some more.

You hoped that this wouldn’t happen again, but when you noticed Claire’s smile you realized it was wishful thinking.

“Oh I’ve been fine. Just bored silly around here. You haven’t called much.”

You didn’t really know how to respond to this, so you shrugged before gesturing to Milo who seemed to remember the brunette. He tried to move forward to sniff her, but his leash wasn’t long enough.

“Well, I’m not at work today, as you can see. I just needed a new leash for Milo.”

Saying this was a mistake because Milo heard his name and his tail started wagging which was the only invitation Claire needed. She moved forward and knelt down to pet him making the same mistake a lot of people do. She reached for him on his blind side and he jerked back a little before turning his head so he could see the hand petting him. He panted happily once Claire took the hint before his tail resumed wagging. You tried not to glare at him for being a traitor. It wasn’t his fault.

“Aw did you eat your leash? Handsome boy.”

You were glad that at least Milo was having fun. You just nod before shifting slightly so you could look around you for an excuse to leave.

“Yeah, he wasn’t too happy with me.”

You pause as you spot the food aisle a little bit away before adding. “You’ll be lucky to get dinner after doing that, Milo.”

Your bluff had its intended effect and Milo pulled away from Claire and started pawing at you. You just rolled your eyes before leading him toward the end of the aisle. To your escape.

“Yeah, I know. Dinner time. We can go.”

Milo tugs you to toward the front door but you stop by the register first, not failing to notice that the brunette followed you. You went to the first open register and put the leash on the conveyor belt before shooting the person behind the counter a pleading look. She was on your side.

“Hi Emma.”

Help me.

The blonde looked between you and her coworker with a frown, quickly understanding what had happened. It wasn’t like Claire was subtle. She’d ask about you almost every day she was working in the clinic, not that she’d told you that.

“Hey, doc. What’s up?”

You offer the blonde a smile before you open your mouth to respond when you’re cut off. You watch Claire move so she’s standing right next to Emma, practically pushing her out of the way as she eyed you curiously.

“Yeah, if you’re not working you must be free tonight.”

There are a lot of different ways you’d like to respond to this, but you choose to do your best to hide how annoyed you are as you shake your head. You’re free as a bird tonight, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to tell her that.

The lie you come up with though isn’t one you had intended on using.

“Actually, I’m not. I’m going out with my girlfriend.”

Luckily it doesn’t seem like Claire’s prepared a response for this, and you just breathe a sigh of relief as Emma hands you your bag with a smile.

“Thanks. Good to see you two.”

You leave quickly and curse yourself the whole way to the car. What an idiot. Why would you say that?

You’re ticked at Claire for being so aggressive, again. You slammed the door shut behind Milo, without meaning to, and you hurried to get in the car to scratch him behind his ears. You shoot him an apologetic look before sighing in defeat. You hate that you’d lied and that your self-esteem took a hit as well, but what could you do? It’s not like you were going to agree to going anywhere with Claire.

“Sorry, buddy. Let’s get you home for some dinner, hmm? Then we can watch whatever you want.”

Part 3

#american horror story #murder house #ahs fic #ahs imagine #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean howard #a little bit #my fic #ahs #more Billie dean in the next part #promise!

75 notes · View notes

crashdevlin · 4 years

Text

Centerfold 5- Waiting For You

Centerfold Masterlist

Author’s Note: Written for Meghan who requested some fluffy A/B/O smut and then I came up with an idea and ran with it. Smut will start after the plot is established. Also, this is gonna go toward my @spnabobingo squares. This chapter fills my Motor Oil/Cut Grass/Gunpowder square and is rated T for Teen.

Summary: Dean heads to Vegas with Sam to crash the AVN Awards in the hopes of meeting up with Taffy Rose.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Reader

Word count: 2069

Story Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, pornography, mentions of multiple partners, Sam being a bit of a creeper asshole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was sure it was a bad idea. There were a thousand ways it could go bad, taking his soulless little brother on a trip to Vegas. But Lisa was pretty much done with him, hadn't answered the phone since he was a vampire, Sam's loss of soul was stressing him out, and he needed a break. The fact that the AVN Awards were going to be taking place the next day was a coincidence...mostly.

"So, you're taking your soulless brother to Vegas to chase down some porn star?" Sam asked, amused. "I can think of a dozen reasons why this would be a bad idea."

Dean sighed. "Yeah. Well, we're going because Vegas is tradition, soul or no soul, and Taffy isn't just 'some porn star'. Jenna Jameson is 'some porn star'. Lisa Ann is 'some porn star'. Taffy Rose is the woman of my dreams and the future mother of my children, okay? She just doesn't know it yet. When I find her and remind her who I am, she's gonna be mine."

"Yeah. 'Cause all the porn stars wanna settle down and have a bunch of pups with some hunter they knew for a week of high school in 1996."

"'95, Sammy, and she's gonna remember me. No way I'm the only one who remembers that." Dean sighed heavily and shook his head. "I mean, I was her first! No way she forgot about me."

Sam just shrugged and pulled out his phone to distract himself. Porn awards could be fun. He could find some willing woman to sink into. It'd been a few days since he got laid, he was itching for some relief. Some tiny thing with giant fake tits would be perfect. And if there was an entire category of omega actors, maybe he could find a nice omega to fuck.

Dean got two rooms when they got the motel. He was confident he wouldn't want anything to do with whatever Sam picked up at the AVN Awards and he didn't want Sam interrupting when he managed to get Taffy, Y/n, back to his room.

Dean had trouble choosing what to wear. Plaid seemed too hunter, too redneck, too Kansas to approach a Cali-based porn star at an awards show. His FBI suits and his old Homeland Security suit both seemed to strangle him with formality. The Pink Floyd concert tee was too casual. All of his tees were. It took a while but eventually he settled on his best jeans, the ones that made his ass look awesome, and his light grey Henley. Nothing that said he was trying too hard, but also not something that made him look like a lumberjack sans the beard.

Sam was already in the Impala by the time Dean left his room. Sam was in a dark red v-neck shirt and jeans and had obviously not agonized over his wardrobe. "Took you long enough, Dean. What, were you rubbing one out so you'd last longer than five seconds when you meet up with her?"

"No!" Dean exclaimed, but he couldn't help but think that was a missed opportunity. "Shut up. Let's go."

They talked their way in, it was second nature to lie to get into places they weren’t supposed to be, and the guard really had no problem believing that the two imposing alphas were bodyguards for some of the actors.

“All right. Let’s split up. If you find Taffy, call me...then, ya know...have at it,” Dean said, gesturing to the right side of the theater before taking off to the left.

Sam rolled his eyes and walked away into the theater. There were hundreds of attractive actors mulling around and they were all wearing various revealing, shiny outfits...all of whom Sam would be willing to nail. He stopped a particularly busty redhead and smiled. “Have you seen Taffy Rose? I’m supposed to deliver a message.”

The redhead looked him up and down like she wanted to eat him and licked her lips. “Taffy’s on the mezzanine with the other omegas. They won’t let an alpha through the door. I could go get her for you,” she offered, her voice seductive.

“That would be great, actually.” Sam let his eyes run down her body. “But don’t stray too far.”

She bit her lip as she walked away on six inch high heels. She was hot as fuck, her dress tight and riding up as she walked. Sam could definitely see her wrapped around his cock. She would be fun to play with. She would be more than satisfying. She would be-

Sam’s jaw dropped a little as a small woman in a light pink crossover dress with a pink plaid skirt walked out. She had nude colored Mary Jane shoes on, natural tits...and looked so completely out of place surrounded by half-dressed, silicone-filled women that it was like a beacon of light shined on her. Sam wanted her. Dean would forgive him for having a little fun before he delivered her to him, right? And if not, Sam didn’t care.

“Hi, Sunny said you had a message for me?” she said, approaching him. Sam loved the size difference between them. Even in heels, he eclipsed her.

“Taffy, right?” Sam asked, stepping closer. He’d seen the pictures, he knew exactly who she was, but he wanted to talk to her longer, get a bit more time to scent her. She was something floral and pretty.

“Yes? Can I help you?”

Sam stepped closer again and she cleared her throat. “You don’t remember me. You shouldn’t. I was, what, twelve when we met.”

“We’ve met?” she squeaked. She swallowed and took a step back. Sam could smell arousal leaking into her scent and he smirked. She was so easy. Dripping slick already. This is what an omega gets for staying unmated so long.

“Yeah. Back in Olympia. Seems like a million years ago, Y/n.” Sam stepped closer again and Y/n gasped as she backed away and her back hit the wall behind her. “Neither of us were presented back then. I didn’t realize how good you smell.”

“S-sorry, I...who are you?”

“Always knew you were pretty, though.”

She took a deep breath and put her hand on his chest, lightly pushing him away. “I don’t recognize you and you’re making me uncomfortable so if you don’t back up and say what you came to say, I’m gonna have to-”

“Sam, you soulless bastard, get away from her!” Sam rolled his eyes at his brother’s voice and stepped back as Dean ran up. “I told you to call me if you found her, dammit!”

Sam shrugged. “She’s hot. Had to try it.”

“Go...away,” Dean growled and Y/n shivered. He watched his brother’s large frame disappear into the crowd before he turned to the omega, his omega. “Taffy, sorry about him. He’s...got some issues right now. Mental...issues. Um...I…” His words faltered as he looked into her eyes. She was right there in front of him. “Y/n,” he whispered and she gasped.

She took a deep breath and stepped close. “Dean?”

“You remember,” he whispered, taking his own deep breath of her floral scent. There was a tinge of arousal to it and he almost whimpered.

“Of course I remember. I’ve been waiting to smell that special blend of motor oil and fresh cut grass and…” She leaned up and groaned as she sniffed at his neck. “...burning gunpowder. I’ve been waiting for you for half my life.”

“That’s what I smell like to you?” Dean asked, smiling. “And you know what burning gunpowder smells like?”

She licked her lips and let out a small giggle. “I got shot...in one of my films. They shot a blank at me, I recognized the smell immediately...so I started to hang out at the range every once in a while.”

He smiled proudly. His omega liked guns. Awesome. “I saw you in last August’s Playboy. I never thought I’d see you again and...there you were in the centerfold, lookin’ so much hotter than you did in high school. But somehow just the same. You looked, you look amazing. So beautiful and...somehow innocent.”

“I’m very good at that. It’s my signature look.”

“I don’t know how you pull it off, buck naked, but you do.”

“So...um...I…” She looked away, trying to clear her mind. “So...You saw my Playboy and had to come find me?”

Dean licked his lips and stepped closer. He wanted to touch her, grab her waist and pull her against his body, but he didn’t. Not until she was ready. “I saw your Playboy and I went home and watched every clip of every video I could find with your name. ‘Taffy Rose’, huh?”

“Well, I really like pink. Taffy, rose, they’re shades of pink.”

“I remember. I see you still favor pink clothes,” he said, gesturing at her dress. “It’s a cute dress.”

“It’d look better on your floor?” she guessed, looking up into his eyes. His cheeks burned at her words. “I’m sure it would. Your freckles still pop when you blush.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, some things never change.”

“So, your omega didn’t mind you coming to Vegas to see me?” she asked, biting her bottom lip.

“No omega. No wife, no girlfriend. You?”

She giggled, setting her hand on his shoulder. “No wife or girlfriend for me either.”

“Seriously, Taffy.” His voice went soft. “You got somebody waitin’ at home for you?”

“Yeah.” She smiled as his stomach dropped, and ran her hand up his shoulder to the back of his neck. “I have a husky dog named Wolf. Real original, I know, but she was a rescue...already named.” She pulled his head down and bumped her nose against his. “No husband, no boyfriend...no alpha.” He gasped as she kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’ve been waiting for you, Dean.”

His head went a little dizzy at her words. “Y/n.”

“Have you been waiting for me?” she whispered into his ear.

“Betas only, baby. Never had a ‘mega. Only ever wanted you,” he answered.

She smiled bright as she pulled back and looked into his eyes again. “I’ve only ever really wanted you, too. I think about you all the time, Dean. Never thought…” She looked soft and innocent as she sighed. “I’m so happy you found me.”

“Me, too.”

“I might be getting an award, so I...I can’t leave yet, but...after the show’s over...why don’t you come back to my hotel with me?” He was just about to say ‘God yes’ when she finished with, “I can show you all the things I’ve learned over the past fifteen years.” His jaw dropped, words frozen in his throat. All he could do was nod. “Good. I’ve been dreaming of this since high school. Put my number in your phone. You won’t be allowed on the mezzanine with me, so I’ll have to find you after.”

Dean pulled out his phone and entered her number as she rattled it off, immediately sending her a text so that she had his number, too. She shined as she looked down at her phone screen to see the text ‘Hey mega <3’. “God, you’re cute.” She giggled and wrapped her arm around his neck again, pulling him down for a quick kiss.

What should have been a quick kiss, anyway, because he couldn’t let her go once he had her on his lips. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. She tasted just like he remembered. Her hands buried in his hair as he pushed her against the wall and licked at her tongue. She moaned as his hands moved down her back to grasp at her ass. He was panting when he pulled back. “Sorry. I...suddenly, I’m sixteen with no control of myself again.”

She giggled that laugh that he loved with all of his heart and patted his cheek. “Well, I just can’t wait to see you really lose control, Dean,” she said before spinning away from him and the wall, her skirt twirling as she headed back toward the mezzanine.

Dean sighed and watched her until she disappeared from his sight. She was so much better than he remembered. She was perfect. She was his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @sunnyroadtrips @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie Hunter Tags - @atc74 @sandlee44 @spnbaby-67 @kalesrebellion @tumbler-tidbits @hoboal87 @stoneyggirl @kbl1313 @cookiechipdough @mrswhozeewhatsis @winchesterxfamilybusiness @holylulusworld @pretty-fortune @screechingartisancashbailiff @we-are-all-a-bunch-of-idjits @imperiusimpala @supernaturalenchanted Gaga For Green Eyes Tags- @typicalweirdbookworm @deanmonandnegansbitch @jadesupernatural @stoneyggirl @4fareader @squirrelnotsam @lyarr24 @akshi8278 @pretty-fortune @we-are-all-a-bunch-of-idjits

Centerfold Tags- @mychemicalimagines @moron225 @ladyofmaidensandwine @that-one-gay-girl @roonyxx @teresa-67 @vicmc624

#cassie writes stuff #spn fanfic #reader-insert #a/b/o dynamics #alpha!dean #alpha!sam #omega!reader #pornstar!reader #dean x reader #SOULLESS SAM

124 notes · View notes

sapphicomenn · 3 years

Text

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

#artemis rants #the avengers #avengers #marvel #the mcu #marvel movies #marvel cinematic universe #glowy cube is back!#chitauri = seafood #LOKI #MAN IS PLAYING GALAGA EVEN AFTER BEING CALLED OUT #SHIELD IS A DICK #SPACE LEVIATHAN

8 notes · View notes

horrorlad · 3 years

Text

Horrorlad Reviews: The Dentist (1996)

Or at least, like, talks about it a bunch.

Boy was I overthinking my first real Horror Lad post! It was going to be Grave Encounters, but that will have to wait, because I got insomnia and decided to rewatch a movie I hadn’t seen seen since I was 14, which wound up being the perfect opportunity to write out a post!

Let’s talk about The Dentist!

So, The Dentist is a 1996 movie starring Corbin Bernsen. It was directed by Brian Yuzna (one of the producers of Re-Animator, he also directed the 1989 body horror film Society which I haven’t seen, though a cursory image search tells me I need to add to my watch list immediately).

Anyway, The Dentist is about a teethsman who catches his wife giving some other guy a BJ and gets so grossed out about it that he has a nervous breakdown about, uh, how dirty mouths are, I guess? He loses his absolute shit (though he didn’t seem to have it all that together to begin with; this guy’s Jack Torrance is way more Kubrick than King), and we the audience get to tag along for all the wacky fun.

Full disclosure: I can’t give an unbiased review of this movie. I watched it several times in high school, then completely forgot about it for ten years, until tonight. There’s too much nostalgia wrapped up in it.

That said, upon rewatching it, I am in LOVE with the structure of it as a film. You know how, some movies, you can tell that the people behind the scenes are having a blast? This is one of those movies. The structure of the shots vary wildly, and I suspect that there was not one tripod or stabilizer on that set. The makeup and effects are fun, every actor has an opportunity to shine at least once, and the pacing is totally bonkers. I will note, however, that for a slasher movie the confirmed death count is pretty low, AND most of the murders are less dentistry-related than you might expect. Still, it’s a good time, and right now it’s available to watch for free (with commercials) on Tubi, which is pretty sweet!

Read on for the content warnings and spoilers. In the meantime, I give The Dentist 3.5 tanks of nitrous oxide (use with caution).

Content warnings and plot synopsis below the cut.

Content Warnings

Also, I don’t really know what to classify this one as, but there is a lot of “ick” factor to this movie — rotting teeth, sludge, etc. If you’re easily squicked out by that sort of stuff, I’d proceed with caution.

Dental torture (and how!) – it’s basically the whole movie, folks.

Sexual assault – multiple instances, including a character having their head forced down while giving oral sex (in a daydream), and another character being assaulted while on nitrous oxide.

Spousal abuse (physical and emotional) – again, there’s a lot of this.

Child abuse – A young child has their gums stabbed by the dentist.

Animal abuse – a dog is shot offscreen.

--------------------------------------

Okay, spoiler time!

Whoo boy, here we go!

I have no idea why I watched this movie so much as a teen. Probably because it was free on FearNet (remember FearNet?) and I would watch just about anything.

Watching it as an adult, my first thought is… man this is weirdly paced. My second thought is that there’s a lot more non-dental-related murders than I would have expected, but we’ll come back to that.

So, our hero(?) is a dentist, and we meet him at the beginning of a framing device, miming dentistry and offering to tell us about his story. The bulk of the movie is then a flashback about how he got to where he is, interspersed with his monologuing or whatever. We meet him and his wife (who are a straight couple in a movie and thus required to completely hate one another) on their anniversary, a fact which becomes clear while he’s in the middle of throwing a fit about his laundry.

Pictured: a totally hinged man. Nothing unhinged going on here, no sir.

At any rate, he gets all suspicious after an interaction with the pool guy, and catches his wife having an affair with the guy. He continues framing-device-monologuing about decay and the world being filthy and all that, daydreams about assaulting his wife and murdering the pool boy, etc. He follows the pool guy to the neighbor’s house, acts all weird, shoots a dog — your basic Tuesday.

Eventually, he winds up at the office, starts hallucinating, assaults a couple of patients, and finally calls an early end to the day (self care is important). We get this delightful (in a heavy-handed sort of way) scene that keeps cutting back and forth between him setting out spooky dental tools and his wife getting dressed for the big anniversary surprise he’s has planned, and that’s when things really start to go haywire.

Okay.

So like.

I get that he’s a dentist.

I get that he’s a dentist whose whole shtick is having the themed exam rooms (though why we have aaaalll these rooms for a bunch of hygienists and one dentist is a little beyond me).

But you mean to tell me that this dude’s special anniversary surprise for his wife was to show her his new, opera-themed dental exam room?

“Oh, honey… you really, really shouldn’t have…”

Like, I know he’s settled on a revenge plot by this point, but I still definitely believe that this guy was legitimately planning the entire time to show his wife his fancy new dental suite as an anniversary surprise. Not to be that guy, but no wonder she was having an affair.

Honestly though, I love this scene. I love the camera PoV shots as he shows off the dental suite, I love the excessive gesturing with his left hand. I love how the scene starts off with his point-of-view of her, and then transitions into her point-of-view of him, cut with those big beautiful teeth-yanking shots. It’s ridiculous.

And then, they get home, he has some monologuing about the pool, etc.

Next scene, it’s the next day, some cops come to ask questions about the murdered dog, his wife is out back on a pool chair with her giant sunhat covering her face (the way normal, totally-not-drugged people hang out by the pool) while the pool guy does his pool guy stuff. Eventually the cops leave, yadda yadda yadda, the pool guy scoops the wife’s tongue out of the pool, he sees how fucked up she is, the dentist murders the shit out of him. It’s beautiful.

Don’t you love it when you finish your to-do list first thing in the morning?

The end.

Wait, no, that’s not right.

Somehow, there’s still almost half a movie left.

This movie starts with this dude fighting with his wife, catching his wife cheating with the pool guy, hallucinating his wife’s nasty mouth on everyone, etc. You’d think that, with his wife tortured all to shit and the pool guy dead, the movie would have wrapped up.

I mentioned before that the pacing of the movie is weird, which it is. I mean, he has his “oop guess I’m evil now” scene on his way to work the next day, which basically means that just over half of this movie is the origin story. It could be longer, with the big climactic nonsense taking up the last quarter or so. It could be shorter, with him freaking out about his wife, losing his shit, and having a proper dental rampage. Instead, The Dentist flies in the face of conventional story structure.

But this man is a busy man. He’s a dentist, damn it.

He has to get back to work!

Things are happening fast now, let’s get condensed.

We go back to work, he pulls some malpractice shit on that lady whose dog he shot yesterday, then strangles Jessica-the-hygienist (I think that’s her job) when she calls him on it. Later, a man from the IRS comes in and uses the dentist’s shady tax junk to get free dental work which is, uh, inadvisable. IRS man, Marvin Goldblum, starts talking about our dentist’s wife (and about how unhinged shiksas are in bed, in case we somehow we didn’t piece together that he’s an awful Jewish caricature), and I’m sure the rest of his appointment goes totally normally.

Get a guy who looks at you like this.

Meanwhile, the cops are definitely onto him regarding the murder of that dog (after all, murdering dogs is THEIR turf). They go to his house, where he left the body of the pool guy he murdered just laying around outside for anyone to find (which they do). Then they go upstairs and find his wife, who is alive but so fucked up.

Back at the office, Karen-the-other-hygienist, looking for her coworker who got murdered earlier, stumbles upon the very fucked up IRS dude. We get to listen to the dentist give a little monologue about how grossed out he is that his wife put some dude’s “dirty, rotten… in her mouth!” before he injects air into a vein in Karen-the-other-hygienist’s neck to kill her.

Next up, this girl who has been waiting for two days to get her braces off gets called back. She’s adorable and chipper, so this, of course, can only go well. When’s the last time you had your dentist pull a gun on you?

Our scrappy youngster runs off, and he gives chase (we find that Mr. Goldblum’s jaw elongation procedure is going well by the way), before eventually letting her go after she promises to take very, very good care of her teeth.

After all, he’s got his next job to get to.

Let’s go teach dental students the importance of pulling out everyone’s teeth!

Yeeep, he’s a teacher! And after he shoots one of his students while hallucinating, the cops show up, resulting in the slowest chase scene any movie has ever had (I mean the dude is literally just briskly walking down the hall and he still gets away from them). Anyway, the dentist winds up in an auditorium where a woman is practicing her opera singing. The dentist is entranced by this (we know he loves opera from that scene with his wife earlier) and reaches out to the singer, but he hallucinates his wife’s hecked up face on her and drops to his knees, presumably to have the rest of his nervous breakdown. The cops… uh… well, they just kinda stand around looking disapprovingly at him while he sits on the floor. And that’s… that’s it, I guess?

“Nah, let him rest, he’s had a big day.”

In our final scene, we have some orderlies at his new mental institution drag him down for his regular appointment, where his wife (who I guess is a dentist now) starts drilling at his teeth. This may or may not be a hallucination. It probably doesn’t matter.

Wow. That certainly was a film.

Alright, so, I’ve been typing up my thoughts as I watch, and I think I’ve figured out what I like about this movie, that had me coming back to it over and over as a youngster. There are some movies that just look fun to film, and this is one of them. A number of the shots are really charming, for lack of a better word. There’s the anniversary scene with his wife I mentioned before, but so many others — this movie plays around with point of view, extreme close-ups, some very fun effects used to indicate the hallucinations… there’s even a sideways shot of one of the cops coming down the stairs. I seem to have a real fondness for that sort-of manic, anything-goes approach to filming. Related side note: is there a single steady shot on this whole film? I’m beginning to doubt it.

Corbin Bernsen does a great job. I mean, all the actors do, really, but he is something else. Like, I can’t think offhand of many actors who could successfully take the character “dentist in bad marriage has a nervous breakdown because his wife gives someone else a blow job and it grosses him out; goes on torturemurder spree” without overacting to the point of distraction. “What are you talking about, this dude’s hammier than Easter dinner,” you say. Now, I get the urge here, but I have to disagree; Bernsen plays a fantastic Emasculated White Guy Throwing A Fit.

That picture I posted up there, after the bit about the laundry argument? A dude who makes that face over the idea of wearing the wrong cuff links to work is at most twelve seconds away from completely losing his shit at any given moment. And the dude’s anniversary surprise for his wife was to show off his new, opera-themed dental exam room; none of this behavior seems too off the wall for that character. Granted, I haven’t seen the sequel yet, and the image searches do suggest that our dear dentist is about to use his well-cared-for teeth to chew the hell out of some scenery in The Dentist 2, but in this movie? I’m just saying it’s not an unbelievable portrayal.

Disgruntled white dudes aside, the rest of the cast seems to have a fun time too. Shout out to the receptionist literally sobbing over what a great dentist this guy is (stunning work). If nothing else, stop by for wee baby Mark Ruffalo before he was famous. It’s adorable.

LOOK AT HIM.

ALL THAT SAID, I have to state again how surprised I am by the sheer number of not-dental-related murders! Like, by my count, this guy commits a hefty amount of malpractice, but for a guy on a torturemurder spree, he sure does seem to keep his torture and his murder fairly separate. Let’s tally it:

I’m tired, let’s wrap this up. The Dentist is a fun movie about a dude who loses his shit, does some dental torture, does some murder, does ZERO dental torturemurders, and then just kinda tuckers himself out and sits down. It’s a big silly mess, and I love it.

Tortures: six

The kid at the beginning, the lady he sexually assaults (it counts), his wife (not dead), that lady whose dog he shot, Marvin the IRS guy (alive when last we see him), and the person at the dental school near the end.

Murders: three people, one dog.

The dog (shot), the pool guy (knifed), Jessica-the-hygienist (strangled), Karen-the-other-hygienist (air injected into artery), and that’s… it..? He does shoot that person at the dental school, but it doesn’t appear to be a fatal wound, and Marvin the IRS guy was alive when we saw him last.

Torturemurders: HECKIN’ ZERO.

Zero! None of the tortures are murdered, and nobody he murders is tortured! What the heck kind of slasher dentist doesn’t even kill people via dentistry? No wonder everyone looks down on him at the end.

Alright, first post written. I’m going to bed.

#horrorlad original #the dentist #the dentist (1996)#corbin bernsen #brian yuzna #horror #movie #horror movie #horror movies #movies #review #film review #movie review

5 notes · View notes

therealkatekane · 4 years

Text

My Journey through Yuri, Part II

So, to be fair, this is the first anime that kicked off my midlife discovery of anime. And while Symphogear holds the top spot in my heart, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid is a very, very close second. Symphogear fulfills my need for warm fluffy fuzzies and adventure. Valkyrie fulfills my need for... everything else: lesbians, sex, lesbian sex, humor, over-the-top-ridiculous premises, zero male characters, and just... literally everything. If Symphogear is comfort food, then Valkyrie is my favorite meal that is hella bad for me, but I just don’t care.

I don’t even remember how I stumbled onto this anime, but I thank the fucking gods that I did. I found it, watched the entire series one night, and again the next two nights with the girls. Also, thanks to this show, Diana taught me two important anime terms: ecchi and oppai. We’ll start here:

And so it begins...

Let me start here: you best be grown for this post. And you best be grown if you’re watching this show because damn they is a lot of sex.

The whole premise of this show is that girls infected with the Arm Virus are quarantined on islands away from the rest of the world. Infected girls can be either Extars or Liberators. Extars transform into weapons (”Arms”) that Liberators use or “drive.” And in order to transform, Extars must be sexually stimulated by a compatible Liberator. Yup.

I was actually concerned at first because I thought this setup had a lot of potential to have all the attitudes and ideas I find super squicky in anime (and in media in general): questionable consent, objectification, toxic relationships, etc. But I was pleasantly surprised that consent is actually addressed really well in the series, and overall, I thought it handled excellently so I wasn’t squicked out at all.

So, onto the characters:

Above you see our two main characters: Mamori, the red head, is an Extar. The blond, Mirei, is a Liberator. And as is seen above, they were meant for each other. That being said, bless Mirei and her heart of gold, because Mamori is real simple. If I have one complaint about this show, it’s that Mamori is that annoyingly innocent and oblivious and simple protagonist. You know the one. She’s that dog you have that can’t figure out how to push open a door with its nose even though it’s already mostly open anyway and whines until you get up and cross the room and push it open the remaining three inches so she can come in. Lord love her, she’s adorable and sweet, but just... not bright.

But Mirei is phenomenal. Despite Mamori’s obliviousness, Mirei is immediately staunchly devoted to her. All she wants to do is protect Mamori. She is tall and mysterious and proves to be a badass fighter in her first thirty seconds on screen. You can’t help but fall in love with her strength and stubbornness. And I’m a sucker for the strong but silent and awkward types.

What I like best about their relationship is how Mirei automatically does whatever she thinks is in Mamori’s best interests or aligns with her desires from word one. She sees Mamori under attack, she places herself between her and her attacker. Mamori complains about a character being cruel to another, Mirei moves to put a stop to it. Mamori asks Mirei not to hurt some one, so she doesn’t. I’m not a big fan of “love at first sight” type shit, but I can’t help but just fucking adore Mirei’s instant devotion to Mamori. Not just her, but to her thoughts and feelings.

Next up, we have the dynamic duo referred to as “Lady Lady.”

Oh, I cannot say enough about these two. Lady Rain and Lady J. Both are both Liberators and Extars, able to switch between roles as the situation dictates. SWITCH, get it?? One transforms into a sword/gun and the other a badass motorcycle. They claim it isn’t the sex that allows them transform but the strength of their bond. It’s actually quite beautiful how dedicated they are to one another. Former members of a paramilitary government organization, they chose exile and quarantine over being tools of others.

Next up, we’ve got Meifon. Meifon is a schemer obsessed with making a buck. What I adore about her is that she is an asexual/aromantic character. On an island where everyone is fucking everyone all the time. It is such an interesting idea of how someone who doesn’t experience sexual arousal/stimulation in a “typical” way functions on an island where sex is so highly prioritized. It was a really neat idea that I was surprised to see the show tackle. While it isn’t addressed in a super deep or meaningful way, it is an unexpected and nice touch.

The “Governor.” Normally, I am all about avoiding spoilers, but I was surprised that we were supposed to think the governor is a dude. I know sometimes it can be hard to tell in anime, and I am guilty of more than once being like “What a super hot lady!” and it ended up being a fella and cue disappointment. But Akira was clearly a woman from the first time we see her. It wasn’t until the fourth episode that I learned she was supposed to be a “man.” She is so clearly a lady. If you can’t figure that out in ten seconds, you’re as simple as Mamori, bless your heart.

I feel it’s a missed opportunity for Akira not to be trans, but she’s not. She’s just pretending to be a fella for power, to stand out on an island full of women. It would have been a lot more interesting and compelling in my humble opinion. But whatever.

I could go on and on about all the many fantastic characters on this show, but there are a few other things I want to talk about.

1. I usually prefer the original Japanese voice actors, but this is one of the rare times when the opposite is true. The English voice acting is on point, very well acted, and an utter delight. Mirei in particular has a fantastic dead-pan delivery that I adore.

2. This show is hysterically funny. I laughed so hard so many times. Especially during the episode “Giant Girl, Little Heart.” I mean... just look at this:

The giant girl’s name is Nimi Minimi. I can’t even. Dear god. It’s so funny. I have a great appreciation for anything that can make me laugh. There are a lot of jokes about pitching and catching. And this is an actual quote from this episode: “Nimi, you’re the only one who can catch my fastball. Only you can catch my body and soul!” It’s classic.

3. The power and relationship dynamics are very interesting. Poly seems to be a pretty readily accepted practice. Platonic “driving” seems to be a thing. Consent is approached several different ways, and each is very interesting. Another thing this show does well is examine the problems inherent in such a system. It isn’t all girls kissing girls and touchy touchy fun times. There is a lot included on how that power can be abused and what corruption may look like in a hyper-sexualized state. So, maybe trigger warning? I’m pretty sensitive, but I did not find it trigger-y. It was actually nice to see such abuse of power highlighted as abuse without a veiled attempt to make it okay because it’s sexy times between two (or more) women.

4. Story/plot/etc - I’ll be real. The bar was really low when I initially started this. I mean, I didn’t expect much given the premise, but ended up being very pleasantly surprised. The story is reasonably compelling and more thought out than expected. There are more complexities than I anticipated, and it all wraps up neatly at the end of the series in a satisfying way.

So, I guess that wraps up Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid. Conclusion: Watch it. It’s beautifully NSFW and unashamedly queer. There needs to be more anime like it. I think next I’ll write about Flip Flappers as it was recommended to me on my last post, and it currently holds the number three spot in my heart.

Today marks the fourth week of working from home, so please please please keep the recommendations coming. I have literally nothing to do but work and watch anime, and I’m super grateful for the recs I received already. Thanks. :-)

#valkyrie drive #mirei shikishima #mamori x mirei #yuri #anime #mamori tokonome #lesbians everywhere #i am shameless about how much i love this show

39 notes · View notes

stylesvolume94 · 4 years

Text

Keep Your Eyes On Me : pt1

Nobody ever knows when something terrible is going to happen; never truly knows. They can have a hunch or very accurate guess, but not a definite answer. Because something could go extremely right at the last second, or that bad thing could be a blessing in disguise.

This is Brayley's way of thinking. She likes to think the world is a happy place, just misguided; people are not born evil but just need someone to love. Bray never thinks that something unfortunate would happen to her just because or just out of the blue.

Her mother became extremely sick one day, and a trip to the hospital revealed she was in the early stages of cancer. A bad thing happened, but that visit caught the sickness in time, and now her mother is twelve years cancer-free.

Her dream college declined her, the only one she applied to, and by the time she found out, it was too late to apply to another school. A bad thing happened, but that gap year was nothing but productive and adventurous for her.

Bryce, her best friend, got knocked out during his soccer match, and she was his emergency contact who had to visit him in the ER. A bad thing happened, but that's where she met her then-boyfriend, Harry, who accidentally put him there.

Bad things happen, but nobody could ever just predict it. Brayley has stood by this way of thinking her entire life. How could someone just know? They can't; she refuses to believe it.

Of course, until that way of thinking is challenged.

------

"I have to go to the bank," Brayley muttered.

She got a snappy reply. "Then go."

"Seriously, Harry? I'm too tired to fight right now, okay? Please, could you just drive me? I'll be two seconds."

"It takes you five minutes just to get out of the car," Harry grumbled, "It'll take two hours, not two seconds."

"Harry. Please."

At that, Harry huffs a dramatic amount to show Brayley how tired and irritable he was. Nonetheless, he rises from his spot on the couch to retrieve his jacket and boots from the closet by the front door. Brayley followed behind her husband, waddling down the front steps of their walk-up apartment cautiously, as she was eight months pregnant.

When Harry and Brayley got married, they wanted to try for a baby, but they agreed to wait several months to adjust to their new lives and get every bit of paperwork out of the way before bringing a life into the world. Two months later, the pair found out they were four weeks pregnant. Brayley was ecstatic, and Harry was...happy.

He was happy, he'd always wanted to be a father, but the timing didn't feel right. He knew it was his fault that she was with child as she couldn't necessarily do it all herself. Harry just wished he had been more careful. Ever since the baby was announced to the pair, something in their lives seemed off.

Brayley feels alone more often than not, and she hates it. She keeps telling herself that this is the bad with which she is familiar. This is the bad, and the baby's birth in only a few weeks will be the good. She and Harry will be like they used to before the announcement, and he'll finally see how big a blessing their child is.

Brayley awoke with a headache, a sharp pain in her lower back, and a space beside her in bed. Standing under the warm water, she paused mid-shampoo. Brayley felt weird; she felt off. She didn't sense anything wrong physically, but she had a bad feeling.

Something terrible was going to happen. Brayley was positive.

------

"Do you need me to go in with you?" Harry didn't look at his wife as he pulled into a parking space at their banking facility; he kept his eyes forward.

"If you don't mind," Brayley mumbled, "I want to play it safe in case something happens."

"Like what?"

"I don't know...something bad maybe. I don't want to risk anything happening and not have you there with me." At this point, she was desperate. Brayley needed her husband with her; she didn't feel right.

"Since when do you feel that something bad is going to happen?" Harry looked over at his wife for the first time since they left the apartment.

"I don't know. I've never felt this way before, but I just had a feeling when I was in the shower." Bray glanced at Harry through her lashes and curly brown hair.

Harry furrowed his brows at the concern in his wife's voice. "Okay." He acknowledged, undoing his belt and stepping out of the car to open Brayley's door and help her into the building.

------

"How are you today, Mrs. Styles?" The couple's teller was a young woman of pale skin, green eyes, and auburn hair. Brayley always thought she would make a great actress or performer of some type; her features were too beautiful only to be seen in a bank.

"Fine, Beatrice, thank you. And yourself?" Brayley heard Harry sigh at the conversation-starter that she always used, being far too polite to answer with only the one word.

"Great, thanks! Mr. Styles." The fair woman nodded in Harry's direction as she waited for Brayley's information to load on the monitor in front of her.

"Beatrice." His reply was short and chipped; he wasn't in the mood for an hour-long visit.

"Okay, Mrs. Styles, what can I do for you this afternoon?"

"I had a few questions about my savings account and our joint one. I was wondering..."

Harry had drifted off at the mention of questions; knowing his wife, there were plenty more than 'just a few.' His eyes started to wander around the open space, enjoying how bright and spacious the room was. Harry thinks being cooped up at home, working long hours, and repeating was doing more damage than good, so he was happy to see faces other than just one in particular.

He noticed the windowpanes needed cleaning. The giant rug in the waiting area had its corners dangerously folded over, and finally, that a way-too loud man was scolding his teller for not allowing him to cash a void check.

Harry turned to watch the steady flow of people enter and exit the building. At this point, he had wholly drowned out his wife, though he knows by now that she was on her fifth question while Beatrice was too invested in her job to care.

Harry liked to people watch, so it was only a matter of time before he began observing the crowd. He noticed mostly men in suits walking in and women with young children. Oh, in came a woman with a dog in a stroller; odd.

But what caught Harry's attention was a group of six men in all black attire wearing baseball caps and sunglasses. Two of the men were holding deflated duffle bags, and the other four had their hands in the jacket pockets.

Harry's breath hitched, and his heart skipped at the looks of them, they didn't seem right. The men didn't yell, didn't order for people to get on the ground as Harry expected; they simply walked in and examined the space.

One of the men, substantially built and incredibly tall, removed his hands from his jacket to scratch at the stubble on his chin. That's when Harry noticed the dark, seemingly hard looking object poking from the man's waist. A gun.

The men still hadn't made a noise; they weren't drawing attention to themselves, and Harry wondered; if they were a threat, had they come up with a plan? Were they going to hurt someone, rob the place, scare people into submission?

He wasn't sure. But one thing he was one-hundred percent certain of, was that his wife was next to him in this potentially dangerous situation...and she was carrying his unborn child. When this truth crossed Harry's mind, he slowly turned to his wife, interrupting her question about mortgage payments.

"Oh, okay. So, if, in say, five years from now, we successfully own a house, how would-"

"Brayley." Harry murmured, trying his best to keep his voice low but imperative.

Brayley looked up at her husband. "Sorry, H, I'm almost done. I just have a couple more-"

"Brayley." She immediately stopped talking at the seriousness in his voice. Looking up into his green eyes, she saw fear and urgency flood through them and realized his chest was moving faster than she remembered. Her eyebrows drew together.

Right as Bray was about to ask what was wrong, Harry leaned forward gently, eyes trained on hers, and whispered to his girl in a voice so low, only she could hear, "Keep your eyes on me."

#harrystyles #harry #styles #harrystylesimagines #harrystylesmasterlist

8 notes · View notes

celticdoggo · 5 years

Text

Three times Rapheal returned on accident and the one time he stayed

I tweaked cannon a bit for this but I think it works well.

———————————————————————-

The first time it happens is confusing. Aziraphale had found Crawly hidden within the ark surrounded by young children that were most definitely not related to Noah. “Oh angel,” the demon said looking nervous as his golden snake eyes flickered to the children nervously, “I just thought I’d invest in some future sinners is all I mean just one righteous family is hard to corrupt.” He said waving a flippant hand. Oddly, the principality found he wasn’t surprised this demon had rescued the children. “Oh well then I guess I’ll have to stay in order to make sure I can instill some good in them,” he said watching as his words made the tension ease from the servant’s shoulders.

It was quiet except for the quiet talking of the children beneath the sound of the storm outside. The youngest of the group had wandered deeper into the stalls and stood before a strange reptile that Aziraphale didn’t know the name of. It reared back to bite the child. Both he and Crawly dove for the child.

Rapheal picked the child up with one pair of arms while the other batted the reptile away easily. Two of his wings coming into existence to keep the other children from approaching. They stared at him in awe as it dawned on him what had happened. He looked down at himself in confusion. “Crawly Aziraphale,” he said the two names overlapping as two different voices came from his mouth at the same time. He twitched as he felt his consciousness split.

Crawly and Aziraphale fell to the wooden floor of the ark in a heap. The idea that Rapheal was a great bit taller than the two of them passed through each of their minds distantly as they stared up at the wooden ceiling. What had that been?

The next time was a bit more deliberate. Crowley was very drunk along with Aziraphale at this Roman wedding. To be honest, he’d forgotten who it had been for at this point as he and the angel laughed and ate oysters.

Crowley leaned against the angel to wheeze with laughter and caught those beautiful eyes of his. “Hey azira,” he slurred, “remember what happened on the ark?” Aziraphale thought hard his nose scrunching up. “You mean you mean when we turned into a giant four armed thingy,” he said burning at the end of his sentence.

“Yeah yeah that,” Crowley said nodding rapidly then regretting it as he felt ready to barf, “we should try that again.” They thought for a minute how to go about it before Aziraphale suggested they high five something he’d noticed Crowley try to start. Granted he knew it was so the demon could try and spread more disease but his drunken mind just thought it’d work.

The two reeled back to give one both missing and smacking the other in the face. The momentum brought Aziraphale toppling over into Crowley’s lap. The two giggled at their predicament with each both agreeing it was rather silly.

Raphael’s giggles turned into roaring laughter that stopped when he noticed it. The drunkenness was gone now and he inched to look at himself in a bird bath. His now strawberry blonde hair fall forward like a curtain about his face. His bottom set of four arms gripped the fountain as he looked at his four pairs of eyes, one golden snake and the other a serene blue.

“Wow,” he said tucking a strand of hair back. He looked about the abandoned old temple. No one ever came here so it should be fine. He unfurled his wings and marveled at their grey speckled color. There were so many of them. What could this…? The sound of stone crumbling beneath shoes was heard and once again the two entities tumbled to the ground. Plato glanced at the two men. “Was I interrupting something?”

Third time isn’t always the charm in most cases. Aziraphale desperately missed Crowley. He hadn’t seen him since their fight in the park and it had left him aching so badly at the loneliness that he had agreed to find the books for these nazis he knew were up to no good. Now here he was about to be shot dead and leave behind books he had desperately wanted to keep.

Suddenly the church doors banged open and his heart swelled. There was his snake hopping from foot to foot as he came into the church to rescue him. “Sorry consecrated ground,” he said in a hiss. They became so caught up in each other that Aziraphale almost didn’t notice the woman fired her gun out of frustration.

Aziraphale dove for his demon and there was an all consuming thought for both to protect each other.

Rapheal glared down at the trembling humans a blade had materialized in each of his hands. “Did you just try to shoot me,” his voice came out as a hissed disappointed liberain. They didn’t answer just shook. Rapheal then remembered what Crowley’s plan had been. “Ah never mind won’t matter after,” he drew out the after bringing a hand to point up, “this.” The bomb dropped.

Rapheal brought himself out of the protective cocoon of his wings hugging himself with glee. It felt good to be together maybe they could stayOH NO THE BOOKS!!

Aziraphale hit the ground running while Crowley stumbles onto his feet with none of his usual grace. “Oh I’ve forgotten the books I worked so hard to,” He was cut off by Crowley holding out the bag of books to him a knowing little smile on his face. “Little demonic miracle of my own,” he said grinning, “let me give you a ride home angel.”

The fourth and final time was the most amazing. Gabriel became frustrated with Adam as the young boy resolutely refused to restart the apocalypse. He moved to strike the boy and they moved as one.

Two of Rapheal’s arm grabbed an Adam and a Dog while the other two held up two swords to stop the strike aimed at them. Gabriel stumbles back in utter shock giving Rapheal time to set Adam and Dog down. “Hello there little nephew,” he said smiling, “give us a minute dearie. We need to beat some sense into our little brother.” He cracked his knuckles to advance on a shaking Gabriel was just now remembering all those times Rapheal had physically restrained all the other archangels for checkups with no problems.

Needless to say Lucifer didn’t much want to cross the healer either as he stayed where he was in hell sort of accepting that he wasn’t going to be causing Armageddon today. Rapheal looked over his little humans and healed any wounds the battle had given them.

However when it was over he couldn’t bring himself to split again. It just felt so nice and whole now. He felt so strong like he could take on the whole host of heaven. Adam as babbling at him about being the coolest looking uncle he’d ever seen and asking if he might be able to fuse with people. Rapheal laughed at that. “No I’m just rather special in that regard dearie,” he said patting Adam’s head carefully with a rather large hand. His soul pieces resonated together in agreement. Yeah he was really special.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley is raphael #aziraphale #anthony janthony crowley

314 notes · View notes

witharsenicsauce · 4 years

Text

Chosen Stories From the War #12: A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

“My head was warm My skin was soaked. I called your name, 'til the fever broke.”

Gur-Rai sang softly to himself as he peered through the scope of his rifle. The leaves of the trees tickled his cheeks as he sat up, looking through the green canopy with eagle eyes. He could see those giant red crates, like candied apples, ripe for the taking.

“I have a visual~” He sang into his comm.

“Very good.” Outrider seemed to sigh. “Flavius, I need you to take up flanking on the right and be ready with the flamethrower. If we can’t get the supplies, we at least ensure ADVENT can’t either.”

“Sì, Tenente.” The very gruff Italian man replied.

“Mari, you are with me.”

“Yes, Lieutenant.” Her voice was soft and sweet.

“And what about me, Lieutenant?” Gur-Rai chuckled. “Don’t I get to do something fun?”

“Stay there and cover us.” Outrider growled. “Do not move from that spot or I swear to God-”

“Yes, ma’am.” He sighed. “Really, Elena, I don’t understand why you hate me so!”

She did not answer, but he could feel the weight of her anger through the phone.

“Just keep us covered.” Mari said. “Please?”

“Anything for you, my sweet.” He looked down the scope again. “I would hurry though, I think our dear troopers see Flavius in his asshole-red armor.”

“Mari, Move out.” Elena hissed.

The Darkstrider sighed, leaning his head back and staring up into the blue sky. It was the perfect day to be out here, the air was warm, the sky was bright, the wind was rustling in the trees…

“I raised myself. My legs were weak. I prayed my mind, ‘be good to me’.”

He hummed in the back of his throat. He was no singer by any means, but being out here made him whimsical. He took a deep, calm breath in, and then jumped when he heard a bang and Mari screaming over the comms.

“What happened?!” He shouted, looking down the scope.

“Mari’s hit!” Outrider snapped. “I’ve been spotted! Flavius, prepare to torch-”

“Hang on, Elena!” Gur-Rai jumped from his perch in the branches of the tree, landing in a squat. “I’m going in. Perhaps we can still pull this off.”

“No! Stay in the tree!” She snapped. He ignored her.

“Where is Mari?” He dashed through the treeline on his long, long legs, leaping over roots and logs with ease until he came to the edge of a clearing. With the reflexes of a cat, he scaled another tree, glancing down the iron sights again.

“She’s by the northernmost point, under that canopy.” Outrider sounded tense. “I need to get to her.”

“I have your back, Elena.” He took a breath and held it, looking down his scope towards a crevice in two of the crate stacks. “On my mark.”

“I am in charge here!”

“Well I have the high ground.” Gur-Rai growled. “One...two…” He fired, his bullet slipping between the crates like a heat seeking missile and striking the farthest trooper in the back of the head. “NOW.”

He saw a black figure dart across the battlefield, only getting about halfway there before his distraction wore off and they began shooting at her. Elena dove behind a few barrels and sank down to hide.

“On my mark.” This time Elena didn’t argue. “One...two…”

Then the branch he was standing on cracked and collapsed, sending him tumbling face-first into the ground. As he pulled himself to his knees, he felt bullets whizz above his head and he rolled away, taking cover behind the tree trunk.

“I am waiting!”

“I am BUSY.” Gur-Rai pulled his pistol and began to shoot at the soldier that was rapidly approaching him. The first one missed. The second bullet did not miss.

“There are rinforzi!” Flavius called out, and Gur-Rai heard that unmistakable hum of chopper blades above him.

“Jrak.” Gur-Rai hissed in Etheric on instinct. He poked his head out from around his tree, surveying the damage. Mari was still pinned down and any moment they’d be hauling her off to an ADVENT torture facility. Outrider was still hidden, though, and Flavius…

Gur-Rai hissed into his comm “Listen to me very carefully. Flav, point that flamethrower straight up.”

“Perché?”

“Do it.” He snapped. “Elena, on my mark, grab as many crates as you can carry, even if it’s only one.”

“Mari needs-”

“I’ll get Mari.” He hissed. “Everyone go on my signal. One…”

He saw the troopers getting ready to drop…

“-twothrEENOW!” Gur-Rai bolted out from behind the tree and sprinted as fast as his legs would carry him. He crashed straight through a pile of crates and came out the other side with his gun cocked and aimed at the three troopers that were closing in on Mari. At point blank range, Darklance’s blow was fatal, but he was too slow. While one fell, the other two turned to face him, and one rushed his position while the other one moved in to grab Mari. They reached her fast, grabbing the injured woman by the hair and pulling her toward them-

There was the sound of metal on metal as Mari put her Swiss army knife through the trooper’s chin.

Meanwhile, the other soldier actually got close enough to smack Gur-Rai in the side of the neck with the butt of the gun, sending him reeling back, briefly stunned. “Vhyata los Exlétos!” He heard them scream at him as he stumbled.

“No.” He hissed as he gripped the handle of his machete. “Fuck YOU.” He plunged the blade through the crease in their armor, between the shoulder and the neck, cutting right through their lung and probably their heart. As they fell, screaming, he shoved their body aside and picked up Mari, bridal style.

She was a wholefully beautiful woman, with dark copper skin and deep auburn hair, and her eyes were almost black when she opened them and looked up at Gur-Rai like he was made of gold.

He smiled at her and made it a point to noticeably wink. “Don’t you worry about a thing, sweetheart. The Darkstrider’s gotcha now.”

They both flinched as an explosion sounded behind them, and fire began to rain from the sky.

“It seems like Flavius decided to do his job, finally.” Gur-Rai darted into the trees, looking back as the clearing behind him burned.

“Where are you going?” Mari asked. “The rendezvous is the other way…”

“I know a shortcut.” He mumbled, darting around trees so quickly the wind whipped his face. “Outrider?”

“I have secured three of the crates.” She sounded very upset but was hiding it. “Come to the rendezvous point right now, Hunter.”

“Yes, Lieutenant. And it’s Darkstrider now.” He smiled, but there was no joking in his voice. “Flavius, you can put your guns away. Time to hit the road.”

“The supplies are...very on fire.” Flavius said.

“Then leave them burning. Hopefully we’ll get to see some fireworks as we fly away~” He crashed through some bushes and rounded a curve in the path to where the rendezvous was near.

There was a rustle in the trees, and the wind picked up as the Skyranger appeared above them, hanging in the air high above the treeline.

“I can’t get closer!” Firebrand called out. “The trees are too thick!”

“Then let down the ropes.” Gur-Rai said. “And Marianna, hang onto me~”

She wrapped her arms round his neck, and gasped as Gur-Rai took a running leap and caught the first branch of the tree, scaling it like a monkey. He reached the top branch and pulled one rope close, handing it off to Mari.

“What about you?” She cried.

“I’ve got a job to finish.” He winked at her again. “Now get on outta here.”

She tugged on her rope, and Firebrand pulled her up.

Gur-Rai watched her get inside safely, then jumped back to the ground with a grunt just as Elena and Flavius came around the bend, lugging one and two large red boxes respectively.

“Give those to me.” Gur-Rai said.

“I am taking this up.” Elena almost sounded like an angry dog, the way she spoke to him.

“I’m sure you would make it very far, but you wanna make a bet on who’s the better climber?” He raised a brow in her silence. “Didn’t think so. Give me that box and I will take it up for you.”

“What about me?” Flavius asked.

“Wait your turn.” Gur-Rai gestured to the Skyranger. “Just get in, let me handle the cargo.”

Elena hesitated. “...Flavius, give the Darkstrider your cargo.” She said his new callsign with malice in her voice.

Flavius stepped forward, handing Gur-Rai the boxes. Gur-Rai grimaced at Elena.

“You’re going to fall and kill yourself.”

“Then I shall die with honor.” She snapped. “By not letting a cheap facsimile do my job for me.” She tucked the crate under her arm and began to climb.

“Cheap?” He shook his head. “You’d call the Sistine chapel a knockoff, wouldn’t you, Outrider?”

With two crates weighing him down, and one of his arms occupied, Outrider was almost as fast as him. However, he still made it to the top before her and tossed the supply crate up to where Flavius stood to catch it.

“Don’t drop this, please.” Gur-Rai grunted as he tossed it up. Luckily, Flavius was actually quite good at catching conspicuous red crates.

Outrider tossed up her cargo and grabbed onto her line, glaring at Gur-Rai out of the corner of her eye.

“Job well done.” Gur-Rai said as he tugged on the rope, following up after her.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

Dhar-Mon squinted at Shen’s hand, staring at it for a good few seconds. “...Five.”

Both Kon-Mai and Shen looked at Shen’s closed fist.

“He is technically not wrong.” Kon-Mai chuckled, pressing her thumbs into Dhar-Mon’s palm. The whole right side of his body was still nearly paralyzed, and although he was beginning to regain feeling in his limbs, Kon-Mai was taking it upon herself to massage out some of the sore tendons, although she had been at it so long her own fingers were starting to cramp up.

“The fact that he is able to see your hand at all means progress.” Tygan said. “I don’t think I need to reiterate that we did not expect him to wake up at all.”

“You have said that, yes.” Dhar-Mon looked over in Kon-Mai’s direction. “Are you not tired?”

“I am fine.” She smiled at him. “It is nice to spend some time together, I do believe the last time we spoke face to face, I had run headfirst into an ambush you’d planned for…” She trailed off, glancing warily at Shen. “...someone aside from me.”

Shen smirked.

“Yet it is a relief to spend time with my siblings that does not involve us fighting...” Dhar-Mon trailed off, looking over to the door as it opened and Gur-Rai strolled in.

“Welcome home.” Kon-Mai said, not looking up. “Did you retrieve the supplies as the Commander intended?”

“Well, I most definitely ensured they were no longer in ADVENT hands~” Gur-Rai mused.

Kon-Mai looked up finally. “...You destroyed them, didn’t you?”

“In my defense, they were bringing in reinforcements, and one of my girls was down for the count.” Gur-Rai plopped into a folding chair.

Kon-Mai groaned. “Of all the people they could have made one of us Chosen, I will never understand why you.”

“Maybe it was my fetching smolder.” He grinned and waved at his brother. “Good afternoon, Dhar-Mon. Can you see me yet?”

Dhar-Mon closed his eyes. “I am afraid not.”

“You wound me.” Gur-Rai chuckled. “And I came all this way to pay my respects to lau Madron.” He bowed comically.

“You have odd ways of showing respect, Brother.” Dhar-Mon said with a sigh.

“You’re right.” Gur-Rai stood up and took Dhar-Mon’s left hand.

“You guys are cute.” Shen giggled. “Hey Doc, I’m gonna head out. Will I see you tonight?”

“I believe you know I don’t enjoy such gatherings.” Tygan retorted. “Besides, I have to attend to the Warlock, he is still not as stable as I’d like.”

“Simply Dhar-Mon, if you please.” Dhar-Mon called out.

Gur-Rai looked over to Shen. “Gathering?”

“Oh right! You guys probably don’t know.” She gently slapped her forehead. “Sorry. Every weekend, usually Friday or Saturday but occasionally on Sunday, the Commander has a big party in the canteen for all the soldiers on the ship. There’s music and food and dancing, and…” She giggled. “Well, other stuff. You gotta see it for yourself.”

Gur-Rai’s eyes sparkled. “That sounds lovely.” He smiled at Kon-Mai. “What do you think?”

She hesitated for a moment, contemplating her answer. “...I seem to remember us attending a number of parties in our time with ADVENT.”

“Oh yes~” Gur-Rai sighed and leaned back, waving at Shen as she quietly slipped out the door. “I remember one time-”

“Do not tell that story!” Dhar-Mon groaned.

“Can’t stop me now!” Gur-Rai turned to Tygan. “One time, ADVENT invited a bunch of old world theologians to this one party to try and convert them, and they had this one guy there, who was a Scientologist in his past life. Well, my dear brother gets to talking with him-”

Dhar-Mon covered his eyes with his left hand and Kon-Mai giggled.

“-And next thing I know Dhar-Mon has this guy in a fucking chokehold, the guy is STILL fucking blabbing about how the Earth is flat or some bullshit like that, one thing leads to another and the Scientologist is laying in the remains of the salad bar!” Gur-Rai was laughing hysterically.

“I am not proud of it.” Dhar-Mon muttered, turning purple.

“Well, it served him right.” Kon-Mai crossed her arms. “He was insufferable.”

“I don’t remember any parties I attended being that...rambunctious.” Tygan mused.

“Thankfully not.” Kon-Mai sighed. “I always enjoyed myself. Though many times I was asked to dance by people who had no interest in...dancing.”

“And somehow they ended up in the dumpster out back~” Gur-Rai smiled. “I remember. What DID you like about those parties?”

Kon-Mai smiled wistfully. “The people who attended. I always loved to observe the daily lives of our citizens, and these parties always attracted the most…” She looked to Dhar-Mon “...colorful. A conversation with one person you would never have spoken to otherwise, and suddenly one's mind can be opened to a world of new possibilities.”

Gur-Rai was smirking. “Hey...we should go to that party tonight. As a treat.”

“As delightful as that sounds, I’m afraid I am...indisposed.” Kon-Mai shook her head.

“Oh come on.” Gur-Rai whined. “You can’t camp in the infirmary forever!”

“I am not! Besides, I am going out on another mission tomorrow. I must retire early tonight.”

“Well, fine.” Gur-Rai gave Dhar-Mon’s hand a gentle squeeze and let go. “I’LL go and let you know all the fun you missed.”

“You might wanna be careful though.” Tygan called to him.

“Of what?”

“Of the other, very human soldiers.” He raised a brow. “Unless you’ve already forgotten you are still very tall, blue and alien looking.”

Kon-Mai gave him an uneasy look, expecting him to continue talking. Instead, Tygan returned to what he was doing

Gur-Rai looked back to his sister. “You’re sure you don’t want to go? It sounds like a lot of fun~”

Kon-Mai bit her lip. “...Go on without me, Gur-Rai.”

He shrugged, waved to them, and disappeared down the hall.

Kon-Mai sighed, shaking out her hand. “What am I to do with him?”

“He is a...special case.” Dhar-Mon tried to reach back to adjust his pillow but Kon-Mai beat him to it, helping him sit up a little better.

“I wonder how long until the Commander will want to see you.” She mused.

“I hope it will not be long. I still have much to discuss with her…” Dhar-Mon’s voice sounded sad. “But I fear she may hesitate, after I surrendered with no fight…”

“Why did you surrender, Brother?” Kon-Mai pulled some of his hair away from his face, smoothing it back. “You love the Elders more than Gur-Rai and I combined. While I am happy for this outcome, I did not expect you to stray willingly.”

Dhar-Mon chuckled. “It was a combination of many factors. Perhaps beginning upon your...demise.” He cleared his throat. “Or what the Elders told of it. Gur-Rai did not believe them.”

“That’s not unusual.” Kon-Mai leaned on her hand, propping her elbow up on the bed. “But why YOU, Brother?”

He thought for a moment. “...The human girl.”

“Malinalli?”

“Yes. She...wore me down into submission. Her constant visits, combined with the suffering of the people I cared for, and when she offered a hand in friendship, it was my first real comfort. She was a near constant companion to me.”

Kon-Mai chuckled. “Well, that must have been simply unbearable.” She said sarcastically.

“It was…” His voice dropped. “...It was very painful to know the truth, it always is…” His voice cracked. “I believed in the Elders, Kon-Mai.”

She ran her finger up over his wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to jest…”

He shook his head. “I knew leaving with her would invoke their wrath but...I simply did not care.” He swallowed with difficulty. He’d still been having trouble with his throat. “Because no matter what I said, she was always there. She never hurt me for speaking my feelings. Not like they did...”

“She is a blessing on this world.” Kon-Mai smiled. “I wonder why she chooses to roam with soldiers.”

“Her purpose is absolute.” Dhar-Mon said with confidence. “I believe she knows what she does is right.”

There was silence for a moment.

“And what about you, Sister?” Dhar-Mon asked. “Why did you choose to stray from the Elders’ embrace?”

Kon-Mai sighed. “Perhaps...it was the experience of being so near death. Perhaps it was seeing my name covered in red ink, abandoned by those who said they loved me.” She sighed. “But the longer I spend away from them, the clearer my thoughts become.”

Dhar-Mon looked confused.

“They nearly killed you.” She hissed. “They violated their promise to us. They punished us for hurting one another and yet once they had no use for us, they…” She broke off, blinking back tears and taking deep breaths. “They are hypocrites, and even worse, they have no honor.”

“The horror.” Tygan chuckled.

“It is no joke! They instilled a sense of honor in me only to break that code themselves?” She shook her head. “They have committed the sin of filicide: they brought us into this world only to strike us down! A betrayal like that deserves the harshest punishment, and I shall deliver it upon them with my blade!”

“Sister…” Dhar-Mon reached up with his left hand and stroked her arm. “You must calm yourself.”

“I am perfectly calm!” She growled. Still, she took a minute to compose herself.

“It sounds like you’ve been worrying about this a lot.” Tygan said. “Maybe Darkstrider is right in that you need a break.”

Kon-Mai rolled her eyes. “I’m not doing anything strenuous.”

“Physically, no, but being in this environment can be mentally taxing after a while.” He looked at Dhar-Mon.

“Kon-Mai, it is my wish that you accompany our brother to the gathering tonight.” Dhar-Mon said. “...As a treat.”

She looked nervous. “I can’t do that, Brother. What about you?”

“I shall be fine.” He assured her. “I am not doing anything strenuous, as you said.”

“And I will be here.” Tygan said. “If anything happens, I am perfectly capable of taking care of it.”

Kon-Mai bit her lip.

“You always did like to dress up.” Dhar-Mon said. “Go to the event, Kon-Mai. I insist.”

She sighed. “Well...I suppose someone needs to keep Gur-Rai from starting a riot.”

Kon-Mai tied her hair behind her head in a mid-level bun, securing it with a purple ribbon. She wished she had some rouge or lipstick to pretty herself up a bit more, but at least she looked presentable. She sighed, smoothing down her tunic and looking at herself in the mirror.

Might as well get this over with.

She stepped out into the hallway and locked eyes with a short, black haired boy. “Oh.” He said. “You’re going to the party too?”

She nodded. “...Mithridates, is it?”

“Um...yeah.” He bowed slightly. “Kon...Kon-Mai?”

She nodded.

They stared at each other in silence for a few awkward seconds.

“...Wanna walk together?” He asked.

“I suppose.” She joined him at his side and the two made their way over in silence, their footsteps echoing on the metal floor of the Avenger.

“So…” Mithridates coughed.

“I hear you are the one who neutralized my brother.” Kon-Mai mused.

“I...uh…”

She smiled. “That takes significant talent.”

“I just...push some buttons sometimes.” He shrugged. “The others did the hard work.”

“If it had not been for you, they would have failed in their mission.” Kon-Mai nodded. “Although, is it not odd to see him fighting alongside your comrades?”

Mithridates sighed. “It’s a little weird, but the Skirmishers joining was also weird so I’ve kind of seen everything by now.” He shrugged again, his shoulders coming up to his ears. “I’m down for anything that gets the Elders out of here.”

“On that, we agree.” Kon-Mai growled. “How long have you been fighting this war, Child?”

“I was...um…” He counted on his fingers. “I’m 21 now, so...I think since I was 16? The Skirmishers joined up with us right after I came aboard, so I was still pretty new when this all started.”

“You are very young, then.”

“I guess. I mean, how old are you?”

Kon-Mai almost stopped. “...I was born six months after my brother, and when the Commander escaped, he was nearly five.” She did the math in her head. “...Plus the five years you have been hunting us? That makes...Nine.” She said confidently. “I have been alive, as the Assassin, for nine years.”

“As the Assassin?”

“I do not know what life I may...” Or may not, her mind whispered to her “...have had before I was taken by the Elders. As far as dates are concerned, I consider my awakening the day of my...birth.”

Mithridates nodded. “What day is that? Like, do you know the date?”

“Either February 3rd, or February 4th. I tend towards the 4th most years.”

“Oh, well, happy early birthday.”

She looked puzzled. “I don’t see why it’s happy. It’s simply the day of my birth, nothing more.”

“Yeah well.” Mithridates crossed his arms. “I think you’ve noticed we humans like to find excuses to celebrate things.”

“Not just humans.” She smirked. “Although perhaps my brother is more human than Ethereal...”

“Oh, will we be seeing your brothers there?” He asked, sounding...almost hopeful.

“Gur-Rai, yes. Dhar-Mon is still recovering.” She sighed. “Perhaps I do worry too much, but I simply can’t help it.”

“I mean, the Warlock almost died right?”

“Yes, but he is in good hands. Right now I worry for Gur-Rai…”

“How come?”

“He seems to forget who...what he is.” She crossed her arms. “I fear the other humans will not accept him, and it will lead to conflict.”

They rounded a corner, the sounds of music blaring from the canteen, and stared through the open doors. Not many had arrived yet, although the room was quickly filling with people. Kon-Mai could see Gur-Rai across the room, sitting in silence, a scowl on his face. Surrounding him, three gruff Reapers. They seemed to stare him down, their eyes drilling into him. The music was low and the room was dark, and he looked down, then looked back up and bared his teeth.

Kon-Mai went for her dagger…

Then Gur-Rai spread the cards in his hand across the table. “Read ‘em and weep, boys.”

“God dammit.” One of them said as they all groaned. Gur-Rai chuckled and pulled the loot towards him.

“You’re trickier than a Templar, Madron.”

“It’s your fault for trusting me.” Gur-Rai flipped one of the coins into the air and caught it.

“You know…” Mithridates smiled at Kon-Mai “I think he’ll be just fine.”

She ignored him and marched up to her brother, scowling. As she got closer, she saw that there was a crowd of people boxing him in: two women were seated on the bench beside him, close enough to be touching and rubbing up against him, while a few others were eyeing him like he was prime rib. Gur-Rai, with an arm around one girl and his cards in the other hand, did not seem to mind the attention at all.

He seemed to hear her coming and looked up, smiling and waving her over. “Sister, you came!” He said joyfully. “Gentlemen! And ladies. I assume you know of my sister?”

“Yeah, the hot one.” One of the Reaper men across from him said.

“You hold your tongue.” Gur-Rai seemed to joke, but his glare had a hint of real anger to it. “Sister, we’re playing Poker, care to join?”

She looked around at the table. “A card game?”

“Yes, a card game.” He winked. “This round is gonna be double or nothing!”

“I have never played before.” She shook her head. “I do not know the rules. Is there a point system?”

“You try and get the best combo from your two hold cards and five community cards.” One of the other Reapers said. “What you really wanna get is a straight or a flush. You start opposite the dealer and move clockwise, and if you get to the small blind-”

“Well, that sounds very interesting, but I shall decline.” Kon-Mai smiled forcefully, her head beginning to hurt from the unfamiliar terminology.

Gur-Rai tossed her a chip. “Get yourself a drink, Sister, on me.”

“How much is the cost?”

“It’s free. I just wanted to do that.” He turned back to the game, where the Reaper most to the left was dealing the cards again.

“Why don’t you buy me a drink?” One woman whined like a small child, laying her head on Gur-Rai’s chest.

“Darling, if I win this next round, I’ll get you far more than that.” He purred in her ear.

Turning away from the frankly revolting scene before her, Kon-Mai made her way to the bar, where a few other singles and couples were standing around, mingling. As she drew closer, the chatter stopped and they all turned, glaring in her direction, and in that moment she remembered what Tygan had said.

Don’t forget how alien you are.

She moved off to the corner where the bar curved around into a shadowed area, the lights above her flickering and broken. Under the cover of darkness she felt a bit more secure, until the bartender, a pale woman with hair like fire, came strolling up.

“Good to see ya again, sugar.”

Kon-Mai gave her a confused look. “We have never met…”

“Oh, right. You were out of commission last time you rode with me.” She smiled, her deep orange hair framing her round face. “In my plane they call me Firebrand. Down here, though, I’m Bryni Lyndon. Nice to meet ya!”

“The pilot of the Skyranger?” Kon-Mai asked in shock. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, when I ain’t flying I like to work behind the counters.” She leaned forward. “Reminds me of back home.”

“What strange world do you come from?” Kon-Mai chuckled

“Texas.” She chuckled, flipping a rag off her belt and wiping down the bar in front of Kon-Mai. “I miss the old wood smell, sometimes. Sunny was real nice to build all this in here but...ain’t nothin’ like the real thing.” She picked up a glass. “Now, what can I get ya, darlin’?”

“I do not enjoy the taste of alcohol.” Kon-Mai wrinkled her nose.

“We got other drinks, too!” Bryni said cheerfully. “We got soda, juices, plain old water...”

Kon-Mai blinked, unsure how to even begin. “...Well, normally I drink tea...”

“We got Iced Tea. Is Iced Tea okay?”

“Iced...Tea?”

“It’s tea, but they put ice in it and it makes it cold.”

Kon-Mai stared at her, wide eyed. “...I had no idea this was possible.”

“You ain’t been out much, have ya?” Bryni giggled at the Chosen’s obvious surprise. “I’ll get that started for ya.”

Kon-Mai leaned forward on the bar, sighing as she gazed around her. The music, she soon noticed, was not from a digital player, but from three men in the corner playing various instruments, a piano, bass cello and some kind of handpan. Occasionally one would sing a few notes, but it was not dedicated. Their eyes were closed and their bodies and hands moved not by the command of any sheet music, but seemingly on their own. One would occasionally stumble, but the way it blended in with the song was immaculate.

Just as the bartender handed Kon-Mai a tall glass of dark brown liquid, filled with ice, one of the men called out “Bryni! You’re up!”

Bryni sighed. “That’s my cue. If ya need anything, ol’ Jacob is gonna be taking over for me.”

Kon-Mai couldn’t even ask what was happening before the fire-haired pilot ran out from behind the bar and hopped up on the stage, the handpan man coming down to step behind the bar in her place. He gave Kon-Mai a wary look and scooted away, keeping far on the other side of the bar, where most of the patrons had migrated to. Away from Kon-Mai.

Bryni tapped her foot. “Ready, Luc?” She took a breath, and the music picked up.

“There's a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark. Finally I can see you crystal clear, Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare.”

Kon-Mai noticed the people around her beginning to tap their feet in time, some of them even going out to dance. She sipped her tea silently, hearing a cheer go up from the table Gur-Rai was at. She wondered if he was winning.

Her feet beginning to hurt from standing so long, Kon-Mai took her drink and sat down at one of the empty tables, still in the corner, secluded. From her corner, she could see everyone as they mingled in the bar, some dancing, some talking, some already beginning to engage in romantic touches. Occasionally, someone would glance over at her and whisper something, or point, or even leave the moment they noticed her, and for a moment she felt like a gangrenous sore, bothering everyone around her.

She felt the bench beside her dip as her brother plopped down beside her, sighing in satisfaction. “There you are! You missed the final round. Things got very messy~”

“I take it you won?” Kon-Mai barely looked up at him.

“Never doubt me.” He kicked his feet up onto the table and tossed the colorful chips from one hand to the other. “They didn’t stand a chance.”

“Do those have any value at all?”

“I doubt it. But the girls were using them to trade for trinkets so who really knows.” He chuckled, looking around the bar. “Who knew humans were this much fun? Wonder what else the Elders were keeping from us.”

“Let us not speak of them here.” Kon-Mai sipped her drink.

Gur-Rai looked over to her. “...Are you having fun, Sister?”

“Why are you so concerned?” She used her straw to jab at the ice in her drink.

“Because I want you to relax.” He said. “You’re always worried about us, and I worry when you worry.”

Kon-Mai looked up in surprise, half expecting him to be joking. But Gur-Rai’s eyes were sincere.

“You do?”

“Mhm.” He put one hand behind his head. “No jokes. I can’t do anything to ease your mind, Sis, and that sucks. It really does.”

“...How long have you felt this way?”

“Since the Elders brought you out from the tank and said ‘Look Gur-Rai, that’s your little sister.” He chuckled. “I’M supposed to be protecting YOU.”

“You can barely protect yourself.” She laughed audibly, then took a breath. “...Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes I am having fun.” She relaxed back in the booth. “I like observing the people around me. They are so...colorful.”

“They truly are.” Gur-Rai nodded over at a man standing in the corner. “And beautiful.”

Kon-Mai looked where he was looking. The man, a tall figure with a strong, square chin, a short black buzzcut and a colorful scarf, was looking at Gur-Rai the way those girls had been. His eyes scanned the Chosen up and down, flicking to Kon-Mai for less than half a second before lingering on Gur-Rai again. Gur-Rai raised a brow, and the man smiled.

“Well, that’s my cue.” Gur-Rai stood.

“Where are you going?” Kon-Mai asked, looking up at him.

“Well that depends, Sister. When I die, probably Hell. But right now I’m going to buy him a drink.” He winked. “Wish me luck.”

Gur-Rai disappeared into the crowd, and Kon-Mai crossed her legs and leaned back, watching as the music began to get faster than before. Bryni was still singing.

“I ain't got time for you baby; either you're mine or you're not. Make up your mind sweet baby; right here, right now's all we got. A little party never killed nobody, so we gon' dance until we drop, A little party never killed nobody; right here, right now's all we got!”

Kon-Mai sighed, laying her head back as she watched her. More people were joining the fray now, seeming to ignore her in favor of partaking in the celebrations. It was a happy change.

Kon-Mai took another sip of her tea and leaned on her hand, observing the humans as they danced. A few girls were dancing together in a circle, each one alternating being in the center. Two men sat at the bar, flinging back drinks down their throats. A young person in a colorful dress was dancing the flamenco. Some Reapers seemed to be fistfighting, but in time to the music. The people around her spun in color and light and darkness.

“Pardon me…”

Kon-Mai turned. Beside her stood- “Pratal Mox?” She said in surprise.

The Skirmisher avoided her gaze and she could see he was trembling.

She cleared her throat. “You are the last person I expected to see here.”

“My wife likes these parties, I am here with her.” He coughed.

“Your wife.” She smiled. “How...charming.”

He stood there in silence. Kon-Mai opened her mouth and began to speak, right as Mox did the same.

“Excuse me.” She said gesturing for him to continue.

“No, no, you first.”

“Fine then. Please sit.” As he sat in one of the chairs across from her, she took a deep breath. “I...owe you an apology. For taking you captive.”

“Mordenna, I-”

“No, do not use my title.” She insisted. “I no longer lord over you. In fact, Sergeant, YOU now outrank ME.” She met his eyes. “I am sorry for the hurt I caused you, and for my reckless slaughter of your people. I could insist I was misguided, brainwashed by demons, but that will not bring back dead friends.” She put her drink down and leaned forward. “My hope is, if we cannot become friends, you will at least hear my words and understand their sincerity.”

He shook his head. “...Kon-Mai. You have hurt me, I have hurt you, I propose we simply...call it even.”

“Even…?”

“That we start over from the beginning.” He clarified. “It would be as though we have never met.”

“You have not hurt me, Mox.” She said, confused. “Not nearly as much.”

He opened his mouth, thought for a minute, then sighed. “We could debate that. But I accept your apology, Kon-Mai Mordenna, and I am privy to acting as though none of our previous interactions happened.”

“If that is what you wish.” Kon-Mai bowed to him.

Another awkward silence, Kon-Mai buried her face in her tea.

“Ah!” Mox waved someone over. “Here comes my wife now!” He waved his hand. “Lenka!”

Kon-Mai looked up just as Elena Dragunova walked over with two drinks, plunking one on the table beside Mox. “Sorry that took me so long.”

“It is no worry.” He kissed her cheek and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to sit beside him.

Elena looked over to Kon-Mai. “...Pratal?”

“Yes, my wife?”

“Why are we sitting with her?” Elena glared daggers at the Chosen woman, and Kon-Mai immediately understood that Mox was not who she had to worry about. It was Elena she’d have to convince.

“I was giving your husband my apologies.” Kon-Mai responded. “That my actions towards him and his people were wrong.”

“Oh, is that so?” She leaned forward. “You changed your tone quite quickly then, praising the Elders one minute and begging forgiveness the next. That isn’t suspicious at all…”

Kon-Mai met Elena’s eyes. “I extend the same to you, Lieutenant Dragunova.” She bowed her head. “I offer my deepest apologies for my behavior.”

“Right.” Elena sneered. “And I should believe you?”

“Elena…” Mox muttered. ��What more can she do?”

“I’m just not entirely convinced she and her brothers are serious.” Elena asserted confidently. “What made you of all people jump ship, Vox Prima?”

Kon-Mai leaned back. “Tell me what you require of me, Lieutenant, and it shall be done, if it means your trust is won.” She trailed off as, faintly, the sound of yelling could be heard over the music.

“What the hell?” Elena looked up, right as there was a loud crash. “Oh god dammit, a fight.” She looked back at Kon-Mai. “Alright, you. You want to win my trust? Help me break this up before they kill each other.”

“I can most certainly do that~” Kon-Mai grinned widely.

Both women jumped to their feet, pushing past the other patrons as they ran over to the bar. Kon-Mai could see two women locked in a wrestling match, pulling on hair and clothing, kicking and biting and doing whatever they could to get an edge over the other. In the midst of the flurry, she recognized one girl as having been draped over Gur-Rai during his poker game, and made a beeline for that one, while Elena grabbed hold of the other.

Kon-Mai wedged her body between the two, grabbing the girl’s arm and twisting it behind her. The girl was strong, as any XCOM soldier would be, and managed to land a painful kick to Kon-Mai’s thigh, but the Chosen brought her knee up to the woman’s stomach and flipped her over, pinning her to the floor with her foot.

“What the hell is going on?!” Elena demanded, holding the other girl in a stranglehold. “Ludy? Explain yourself!”

“She was flirting with him!” Ludy screamed from the floor. She got to her knees but Kon-Mai grappled her arms behind her, making it impossible to move. “He’s my man, bitch! He told me himself!”

“Your man? You don’t have a man!” The woman Elena was grappling spat.

“I do, now!” Ludy hissed. “Lenka, this Templar bitch was putting her hands all over my new boyfriend and you KNOW how much that means to me!”

“Gur-Rai’s MY boyfriend! He won me a toothbrush!”

“Well he won ME a mechanical pencil!”

Kon-Mai groaned. Of course her brother started this.

“Well, I don’t see him here.” Elena sighed. “Why should I believe either of you?”

“Because this crazy whore scared him off!” The girl Elena had pinned spat at Ludy.

Ludy writhed in Kon-Mai’s hands. “I will rip your fucking tits off, you cunt!”

“ENOUGH!” Elena barked with an authority that silenced everyone in the bar. “You are acting like children! You are soldiers, carry yourselves with some respect!”

“If Gur-Rai is the one who started this…” Kon-Mai interjected “Then I say, we have him settle it.”

“Yeah!” Ludy nodded. “He’ll vouch for me!”

“Do you know where he is?” Elena asked. She looked around the canteen. “Has anyone seen a tall blue Chosen? Bald, wears a hood, very prominent chin?”

“He’s bald?” Ludy asked quietly.

Kon-Mai thought for a moment, letting Ludy go. “...Follow me, Elena.” She gestured toward the back of the room. “You.” She pointed at the two women. “This battle shall not resume until my brother is once again present. Agreed?”

“Try and stop us.” Ludy stuck her tongue out.

“Ludy.” Elena barked, then smirked. “Don’t say that, she’ll follow through on it.”

To hammer home the point, Kon-Mai drew her dagger and smiled.

“We’ll stay here.” The Templar woman crossed her arms. “This bitch fights dirty anyway.”

The music began again, a bit softer this time, as Kon-Mai pulled Elena towards a more secluded corner. “Does this canteen have...private areas?”

Elena thought for a moment. “...There are some small dining areas that are closed off.” She mused. “The Commander sometimes uses them.”

“Where are they?”

“This way.” Elena tugged her arm and the two women moved toward the back, the music picking up slowly as though nothing happened.

They made it to the easternmost wall in the back of the canteen, behind some old jukeboxes and a drum set that was gathering dust. Elena opened a door that creaked like it had never seen oil in it’s life, and they stepped into a dark and musty hallway with grey metal walls, interspersed with large curtains made of rich, red velvet.

Kon-Mai looked around at the curtains. “This is very…”

“Extra?”

“...Yes.” She reached out and touched one, noticing it was tethered to the wall. “Why is this necessary on a warship?”

“That’s the Commander, for you. She used to be in showbiz.” Elena felt along the curtain. “Where’s the opening to this damn thing…?”

Kon-Mai began to search as well. Through the curtain, she could hear soft noises but couldn’t put a finger on what they were. Holding her breath, she pressed her ear close to the cloth.

She definitely heard the raspy sound of Gur-Rai’s voice, and a slightly louder one she didn’t recognize. Searching for words, she found none. It sounded more like gentle moans…

“Found it.” Elena grabbed the edge of the curtain. “One, two-”

Kon-Mai flung aside the curtain and stomped inside, only to immediately halt and cover her face, barely stifling her scream. “Brother, you’re naked!”

Her brother was, indeed, very naked. He sat back, sprawled across one of the red leather booths with the male trooper she had seen eyeing him, who also very naked, straddling him. His partner was obscuring most of the indecency, but this was still more of Gur-Rai than Elena or Kon-Mai had ever wanted to see.

Gur-Rai sneered as he saw them, shoving his partner aside and grabbing his pants. “Would it kill you to knock?”

“On what? There’s no door.” Elena muttered. “For a former Reaper, you don’t know much about hiding.”

Kon-Mai looked to Elena in confusion. “Former what?”

Elena brushed her off. “What the hell are you two doing?”

“Take a wild fucking guess.” Gur-Rai snapped as his partner disappeared under the table, searching for his own discarded clothes.

“Do you have no modesty, Brother?!” Kon-Mai whined. “You are practically out in the open!”

“I had thought we were very well hidden. After all, it took you this long to find me.” Gur-Rai stood and buttoned his pants. “Now I assume you have a good reason to interrupt me? I was just about to finish.”

Elena gagged.

“Two of your other…” Kon-Mai slowly peeked through her fingers as she searched for the words “...paramours are fighting for your approval at the bar.”

“Your what?” The soldier poked his head up from under the table.

“My what?” Gur-Rai echoed him.

“The two young women you seemed to give affection to just minutes before.” Kon-Mai dropped her hand and let it rest on her hip. “Or did you forget them so easily?”

Gur-Rai sighed. “Well, damn. Time to do some damage control, I suppose.”

“Hey.” The soldier said as he walked past, his hand conspicuously sliding across Gur-Rai’s backside. “I’ll wait here for you, kay?”

“And I will not be long~” Gur-Rai winked as he pulled on his sweater, throwing the hood up and stalking over to his sister. Elena was glaring at him with eyes that could skin him alive, and he smiled at her. “I’m sorry, Lieutenant, I never asked if you wanted to join us?” He gestured back to the booth where the other man still waited.

“I am married, you little-!” She bit her lip, turned on her heel and stalked away.

Gur-Rai whistled. “She really doesn't like me.”

“I cannot imagine why.” Kon-Mai rolled her eyes.

With the turning of the hours, the music had begun to slow again. Bryni was back behind the bar, and the band was playing a slow, soft jazz tune. One of them had a saxophone and the soft hum of it was beginning to lull Kon-Mai to sleep. The hour was becoming late.

Gur-Rai was seated beside her once again, drink in hand and feet on the table, eyes glued to Elena as she and Mox swayed slowly on the dance floor. Her head was on his shoulder, and his hand was laid gently on her back.

“I believe that one is taken, Brother.” Kon-Mai said.

“Yeah…” He sighed, and she saw something deeper in his eyes. Rarely did she see such a look on her brother’s face, but the lines carved by the darkness spelled out something very sad.

She looked up and down. “Why are you sad?”

“I’m not sad.” He chugged his drink. “I just have resting bitch face.”

“Did you not have fun with your partner?” She questioned further.

“We had fun.” He trailed off. “...I don’t think I’ll see him again though.”

“Oh? But you seemed so fond of him.”

“Yeah.” He yawned. “But...you know.”

“I really do not know.” She looked over him. “Are you feeling well?”

“I’m not sad.” He repeated.

She didn’t believe him for a second, but she also didn’t want to badger him about it and have his sadness turn to anger. “...Alright Brother.” She turned back towards the floor, watching as the warm lights melted the colors of the people together.

The music stopped as the click of high-heeled shoes echoed in the room. “Sorry I’m late, everyone!”

Kon-Mai and Gur-Rai both turned and stared, mouths agape, at the Commander.

Senuna’s silver dress caught the light, reflecting back a rainbow of colors in the strings of sequins that hung off it. The make-up around her eyes was a kaleidoscope of sparkling blue and purple and green with hints of red. Her hair was pulled back by a blue ribbon that circled her head like a crown. No one would guess this was the Commander of XCOM, she looked more like a queen.

“Oh, don’t stop the music because of me.” She giggled. “I’m not here to ruin the fun!”

“You know how it is, Commander.” Bryni gestured to the stage. “She’s all yours.”

Senuna beamed as she walked over to the stage and hopped up like a cheerful bunny. “It’s so wonderful to see you all here tonight!”

A cheer went up.

“Now, how about we get this party started?” She turned to the band. “You boys remember my old song ‘Ritual’?”

“How could we forget?” Ol’ Joseph said with a beaming smile. “Was your biggest hit back in the day!”

“Well then, hit it boys!” She cheered.

They played a few notes on their instruments, and the handpan man gave a beat. “One, two, onetwothree-”

The music, a lighthearted bop, began. Senuna closed her eyes, her body swaying with the music, then she opened her mouth and sang.

“Too hot, too deep It’s you, it’s me Too wired to sleep Oh yeah, One thing, to need Three words I speak When you’re with me, babe…”

Gur-Rai nearly choked on his drink and Kon-Mai’s sat forward. “I had no idea she had such a voice…”

“I’ll say.” Gur-Rai sounded just as awestruck. “She’s freaking incredible. And this song is a bop!”

“Oh come on, come on, however I act You how much I care Come on, come on, you know what I want Now meet me if you dare Live on the run, live on the run, run Do anything to be there...Be there…”

Kon-Mai put down her tea and stood up, Gur-Rai watching her with narrowed eyes.

“Where’re you going?” He asked.

She held out her hand. “Come, dance with me.”

He blinked at her. “...What?”

“You, Brother. Come dance. With me.”

He laughed. “You’re kidding.”

“Is there a rule that says we cannot?”

“No. But can you even dance?”

“Perhaps I can. But you will not know until you come with me.”

Gur-Rai stared at her hand, then rolled his eyes. “Fine, but if you make a fool of yourself, don’t blame me.” He got to his feet and the two pushed their way onto the floor, which was becoming slightly crowded with the number of patrons the Commander’s singing brought.

“And I’ll always say ya name like a prayer Oh, when you touch me there Oh, you’ll always be my ritual Always, love you all through the night Be there when the sun is rising Oh you’ll always be my ritual!”

The two stood facing each other, a greater distance apart than most, and just stared for a moment. Gur-Rai gestured towards her, letting her take the lead, and Kon-Mai grinned.

If her brother doubted her, she would prove him wrong.

She closed her eyes, waiting a moment. And in that moment, it was just her and the music. She raised her hands above her head and…

“Always, love you all through the night Be there when the sun is rising Oh you’ll always be my ritual!”

She didn’t know where this feeling came from, but her body felt like water as she moved her hips round and round, her arms in the air, her hair flying free. She opened her eyes and saw Gur-Rai copying her moves. He looked stupid and beautiful and free and she burst out laughing, with joy and relief.

“Oh you’ll always be my ritual!”

She and the humans were one and the same, one entity, each moving on their own, each adding their own color and sound. It was purple and white and blue and black and green and red and purple again.

It was them. This was them.

Kon-Mai met Senuna’s cyan eyes, and the mysterious woman smiled.

“Oh you’ll always be my ritual, You’ll always be my ritual!”

(I hope you guys enjoyed this one! I thought I was gonna have to rework it more than I actually did, I realized while editing a lot more of it was salvagable. That’s writing for you!

Songs used, in order of appearance, were: Hozier’s In The Woods Somewhere, Adele’s Rolling in the Deep, Fergie’s All We Got, and Tiësto, Jonas Blue, Rita Ora’s Ritual.)

Archive: https://chosenstories.tumblr.com/

#xcom #xcom 2 #xcom 2 war of the chosen #xcom the chosen #xcom assassin #chosen assassin #xcom hunter #chosen hunter #xcom warlock #chosen warlock

10 notes · View notes

curious-minx · 4 years

Text

Heat Lamp vol. [i]

A how-to guide on harnessing the very best light for your under-lit overly priced hovel! In Style!

“Lighting is everything, you goon!” spits Magda Marlene, and, of course, she’s absolutely correct.

“Don’t call me a goon, Magda! I’m trying my best. Have you ever tried shopping around for the best possible lights? Of course not. The challenge of conceiving of wattage and luminosity in the abstract blue light tech etching our basic human retinas will never compete with the likes of you. “ Elroy wipes away the trail of verbiage slipping down his prominent jawline. He attempts to grab at Magda to make her take him seriously, but it was impossible, because after all she is enshrouded in light. She is the kind of bruising overwhelming beauty that is perpetually well lit. Magda has endured a panorama of over stuffed suits of testosterone tossing off a clip of one-liners about her “lighting up a room,” because she had already brightened her entire surrounding vicinity. Light seeping out as far as several stories above and below whatever apartment is lucky enough to grace her presence. You had to alert your local neighboring Vampire’s of someone like Magda coming around. To forget would be akin to a hate crime.

“I do take pity on you sallow beef man. You are close, so close I can nearly taste your success, but this lack of suitable lighting! This will be your ruin. That’s what all the Entertainment and Arts are all about-,”

“Yes, the lighting! The wonderful bright, but not too bright lighting. I know Magda. Ugh! I much prefer if we go back to when you would stick to sending me laymen articles on the anatomy of human eyeballs and the latest breakthroughs in light-based therapy, but now all I hear is your dogmatic barking.”

“You sure do talk a lot for a layman. Why did you want to touch me? Don’t tell me you’re starved for human contact!”

“Of course not! Don’t be foolish! You know I’m not attracted to you. It’s the only reason why you even bother gracing me with your infernal light. Why won’t you sell some of your light source already?”

“Oh no no no, not this this again. I will have no further discussion about the selling off of my light.”

“You won’t share your light, you won’t sell your light, but all I ever hear you go on and on about is the importance of light! Don’t you think you��re being a little selfish?” Elroy tries sizing Magda up and all around with his big soulful hazel brown dopey puppy dog eyes.

“What is this, ‘on and on’ slander? That’s a complete and total falsity! I barely even talk to you! You asked me to come over and help you pick out a new light. Yet here you stand insulting me and everything I represent. I knew all men were trash! I really wanted a reciprocal easy going friendship receptacle. Like the ones you see on flashy American sitcoms, but no! Instead you reek of man boy desperation. You are not Easy Elroy, nor are you sleazy enough to warrant a pass. Good day!” And with that Magda leaves Elroy in his room. A room that is painted a banana baby sick off-scrambled eggs shade of yellow that made Elroy think of himself as a “warmed over Simpson” whenever he looks at himself with his overhead lights on. Magda leaves him behind so that she can go attend a life devoid of preening men devoid of any elevated levels of cognitive stimulus. Magda had a strong feeling deep inside that being eaten out by Elroy would feel either like the confectionary sugar clinging to a beater or a cow pondering the universe with a cud. Magda has bigger prospects to attend such as the purchasing of a new Ultrasonic Television, a television for people too interesting to own a regular television. Now this is a process more grueling than picking out some sort of pathetic LED lights set out to emphasize poor life choices.

Magda’s candles burn ferociously for the scented perfume wick of her occasional beaux Hillary. Oh sweet sister Hillary. Magda flips a dizzy spell as she gets behind the wheel of her space craft. In the driver’s seat she grabs and teases pinching caresses onto her sides, hands running underneath her shirt and imagines Hillary’s hazy visage. Magda turns on The Quick’s Mondo Deco, the album is lodged into the fourth track already, “Hillary.” The porto-phrenetic ASMR zipper crunch! The perfect symmetry of a song making sense for the right woman in the right space and time. Magda wishes she could be some special somebody’s Kim Fowley. She knew she has the making of a Valkyrie companion. Mostly a bottom, but occasionally there’s a switch…a candy striped hypnosis stick being cradled in Magda’s hand turns her space craft into autopilot. The space craft assumes a sensible soaring speed, sharing the sky with all the other avians and sky ships. Magda lands onto the fetid grassless knoll where she finds the manor of Scent Maven Monique. A west coast equivalent of a Hobbit Hole in the Hills. Except instead of a 5,7” English gentleman it is a 5,7” Black American bohemian scientist woman. Magda lights up one of Monique’s Pixie Stix a jolt of nicotine, THC, estrogen, nootropicals, and most importantly caffeine. Cigarettes that don’t make you smell like cigarettes, that don’t make you smell like anything, but a hint, a wink, a whisper, and a prayer of exotic bubblegum.

A Vaping Assassin is prowling on her rooftop. Antonia, The Daycrawler, of course. A woman so intimidating in strength and beauty that all law officers around the country worship at her talon toes. Lines of swat teams, cops, and military official personally see fit the they get their asses beaten by Antonia’s hand each and every year at The National Cop Christmas Party. Monique is constantly alienating, offending and inspiring everyone she works with, but they usually only send soft assassins like Soy Hands Flannigan or the Detangler. Magda believes that this must be the opening salvo of a new killer regime.

“Quit your daydreaming Magda Marlene! Are you really about to let me red rover your special number one gal? I am dropping through the ceiling now! Catch ya later!” Antonia is always narrating her actions to her blind brother Donovan who makes glass sculptures for an assassin’s memento. Some assassins keep locks of hair, some assassins keep emails, some assassins bond and indulge their impotent’s brother pop art. The giant blocky neon green rotary telephone with each notch designed with a mysterious suggestion of a dreary person. A lot of guilt trips about being sent to mental institutions and the occasional rainbow clamshell birth control pill case. All glass blown by the Daycrawler’s blind and naive brother. Monique doesn’t stand a chance!

“Oh no,” mouths Magda. She’s going to be vaporized by that tall Nordic pillar of mayhem. Quentin Tarantino might as well be hanging himself up here on Monique’s roof turning himself into the human satellite, beaming this impeding cyclone of beautiful woman on beautiful woman violence for all of his cronies to see. “Not today,” mouths Magda. With a flick of her wrist, bracelets of light begin forming and overlapping. Discs of light coursing up and down Magda’s forearm. Magda then hides her arms underneath her long and flowing cherry blossom trench coat. Magda’s light does not instantly light up the rest of Monique’s abode. Antonia is hiding her frustration and she looks around Monique’s mostly spacious and poorly lit living quarters. Seeing only a completely stainless steel coated mini-kitchen and a chest level table top. No chairs. No other furniture or trace of personality. Magda hopes that this cat and mouse game will grow less cheesy and the Daycrawler will soon leave irate and hungry.

“Aha! You got me good Light Bright. Of course you knew she wasn’t here and distracted me. For such good work I will personally see to killing you myself. I haven’t murdered anyone in over twelve hours. Do you know how rusty an assassin can get in that time? First, I must take a shower. Surely this lab rat has some sort of hose or bucket and pulley system to wash herself?”Antonia begins sizing up the space, trying to squint a bathroom into existence.

“I believe her bathroom is right next the front door. You must have accidentally passed in when you were getting yourself worked up into this bloodlust.” Magda suddenly feels completely at ease. Yes, she could easily blind and frankly obliterate this toned and blonde killing machine. Doesn’t matter though, because Magda realizes that she has this whole ordeal in her pocket and it’s only a matter of Antonia getting into that shower. Magda goes to raise her fist in conquest but then meets resistance. Antonia’s silent rope snakes! They are giving Magda the world’s most cold blooded group hug. Magda knows she must submit to the plan. She grimaces feeling the ridges of her teeth and wait to unleash her light show.

////

Antonia has been in the shower for over and hour and half. Magda is only now starting to bruise because the rope snakes have grown lethargic and weak ever since the water started. The rope snakes are clinging on to Magda out of obligation and lethargy. The water stops and a shrill elongated sigh is heard from the bathroom. Antonia, the Daycrawler, emerges from heavy plump clouds of perfumed steam. Magda thinks she can detect a hint of Ceylon Cinnamon and gun smoke, but you can never tell with Monique and her smells. Antonia is a lot drier than you would expect for someone who has ostensibly been bathing for the past two hours and she is wearing an oversized clumsy kimono with her hair wrapped up in a towel.

“Alright, where is she?” Antonia asks in a voice that is almost saccharine and faint.

“She’s clearly not here. Let’s revisit the fact that you were going to behead me as a house warming gift. How about instead you rob me of one of my kidneys? They are oozing with glow-stick fluid, but they never stop glowing! Please don’t kill me!” Magda says fully aware that Antonia is not going to kill, at least not while she’s so fresh out of the shower.

“That’s what I need to talk to her about. I suddenly no longer have my urge to kill! Not you, you, or anyone else ever again!”says Antonia breathless like she is hearing her voice for the first time.

“I thought you were killing out of profession?”

Antonia crouches down and is almost blushing as she asks, “Why are you still on the floor like that? Can’t you not fry us up some rope snake snacks? Or wait! Are you like me and need the sunlight to fully operate?” Antonia begins opening up every window and even trying to create new windows in Monique’s house to let the light in.

“Fine! I’ll do it! You made me do it!” Magda unleashes her light that sets off as a retina unfriendly supernova. The light charged specifically around her arms were even still lit up and racing to be shot off as blades of light into the nearest surface.

“See? That’s wasn’t so bad! Why do you get so…so conservative about using your light whenever you’re around me?”

“I don’t want to end up blinding or hurting anyone.” Magda says still on the ground facing onto Monique’s steel plated sterile floors.

“Even someone who was moments ago trying to kill your friend and you for the thrill of murder?”

“Your an easy target Daycrawler,” Magda gathers herself back up into a standing stance,” You are exactly the type that would change your mind if given half a chance. I still feel like you could plunge your famous ribbon blade into my personal generator… ” Magda trails off realizing that Antonia is no longer listening to her. She is still running her reformed(?) killer’s hands through her honey flaxen unwieldy tower of hair that only a towering murderess could support.

“That shampoo it’s, it’s going to help a lot of people. I’m waiting to see the catch. Like with her cancer-free candy cigarettes they’re too good to be true, right?”Antonia takes in another long inhalation of her own hair and takes one lock and flecks her tongue only at the tip of the follicle. The one blank wall inside Monique’s apartment spins around revealing Monique on the other side who steps up and says without missing a beat:

“They’re called Pixie Stix!” Monique fully emerges from her illusion wall hiding the hint of a laboratory. She lights up a Pixie stick of her own which begins flooding the spartan space. Who needs furniture when you bask in a smell this sweet? Magda lets her guard down and lights up the rest of the space turning the formerly drab and empty hovel into a chic and spacious boutique. “Lighting!” Continues Monique, “With the right lights and an overwhelming pungent odor reveals the path to an enveloping inner peace. No matter how small or unfashionable your home or hovel happens to be there could possibly be an outlet for a chosen few people that the three of us could use to build our own society or something?” Monique turns on music by malodorous mall core cyborg nu metal pop band called Neon Betty Degenerates. Antonia goes over to Monique and gently forces Monique’s bangled and gloved clammy hand into a boisterous hand shake. A Kashmir blossom shaped pin attached to Monique’s vegan leather newsboy cap opens up and contracts. The blossom is spraying out a mist invisible to the human eyes, directed into Antonia’s face. Antonia then immediately releases Monique and she turns away from the gangly scientist, she unravels the towel from her hair and starts sprinting outside of Monique’s house. Antonia begins climbing up the lone ancient hundreds of feet tall redwood tree watching over Monique’s property. Antonia climbs up to the tree in record time, she is nothing but a blur of momentum and rustling branches. Antonia, the Daycrawler, jumps out into the sky with the grace of a flying squirrel leaving her nest, and she’s reached enough height so that she can use the heel of her shoe to write, “I’m sorry! <3 I will work on respecting your personal space” in a cloud-based font.

Magda turns to Monique who has completely flipped open her furtive laboratory, revealing the glow of scent analysis technology calling out to Magda begging her to crank up the wattage. Before submerging back into her lab, Monique turns to Magda and tells her, “Antonia is seemingly the only person my Perfumed Personality is working on. Do you think that will be enough?” Monique directs this question more to the ether than to anyone in particular.

“Looks like it’s really working on her though. Oh right, before you leave. I am going through this really tough crush on someone and was hoping that you’d have some-“ Magda stops talking. Monique enters her lab leaving Magda behind in the empty kitchen and the lingering vapors of the ethical strawberry and lavender pacifist shampoo. Magda knows that she probably won’t see Monique emerge back out from her work for another two weeks at the latest. Magda shivers and steps outside and all of her pent up light energy continues bursting forth from her navel, banners of light shooting from her forehead, spotlights dancing out of each of her fingertips. Magda’s light even causes the clouds that Antonia used as calligraphy to break into a sweat. The extreme daylight and the small patch of rain causes a family of foxes to burst forth from out of the ground and carry on a quick and sweet wedding. Magda climbs on top of a dune and watches the wedding ceremony from afar. She remembers Hillary and groans, a sticky and somber sound. Magda has her revery broken by the sound of a voice calling from below the dune.

“cOuld yOu pleeze take Our picha, lamp lady? Da lurvely cOupa wOuld be sO grateful!!” The source of the voice is coming from an approaching silver fox who has a slight wobble in his gait. Magda looks at the silver fox further and notices that he also has two plastic and springy legs. Magda not wanting to seem judgmental, sighs and takes the fox’s hefty Kodiak bridge cam and without even taking time to focus the lens takes the picture. The newly wedded couple and the silver fox open up the camera’s finder and look at the results and start panting in approval. They have never seen themselves look so well lit before.

“Daddy! You must pay this kind lady Beacon mucho ancient coins! I’ve never looked this good!” Magda smiles and shakes her head and puts her hands into her pockets, leaving the foxes behind. She readjusts her trench coat and puts on a large wide-brimmed blackout hat she keeps in a box shaped fanny pack. Even while wearing her light suppression accessories each and every passing streetlamp emits a powerful sphere of light that dims with each of Magda’s passing step. Most of the houses in Magda’s neighborhood are heavily tranquilized and sleeping in deprivation tanks so the dramatic light fluctuations don’t bother most. One overhead apartment pulls back its drapes and an angry shirtless and chiseled man has taken out a mirror and trying to reflect the light back down at the street. The power of the light’s heat creates another pothole into the road, which causes the man to start swearing and yelling incoherently. Magda kneels down onto the empty sidewalk and rubs her palms together causing the street lights to dim back down to their normal level. Magda’s face looks pale and she begins moving at a slower pace.

“Damn…I’m so close. Being mindful of so many people really sucks. I think I’m going to lie down in this pile of moss and maybe I’ll wake up back in my bed.” Magda hums a lullaby to herself and begins folding herself into a ball of fading light. Magda is blacking out.

///

She opens up her eyes as soon as she registers motion. Magda is being carried in somebody’s arms! Magda almost cranks up her internal light furnace but then she smells the tangy coconut cologne of Elroy.

“What did I tell you about picking up tramps?” Asks Magda with a yawn. “Put me down you goon!” Elroy immediately does so and gives Magda her space.

“Of course, I’m sorry Magda. I was out scouting shoot locations for a new headshot this week and saw your abandoned space craft on the side of road. Knowing you as well as I do I had a feeling that you were probably enjoying one of your unnecessary sojourns. Thankfully you left it in one of the bougiest possible neighborhoods so I think you’ll be fine with picking it up tomorrow. I’ll leave you be. Clearly you are wanting some time alone.” Elroy brushes off a twig out of Magda’s hair and starts walking back into his own shabbier Electric Hover Desert Rabbit.

“Any luck with your lamp search?”asks Magda causing Elroy to stop in his tracks and turn around revealing an excitable grin.

“I found this Ponce de Leon Torchier that promises to age and de-age me based on what kind of bulb I put into it. There’s this audition for a movie about a man breastfeeding his own child I got. The role comprises of both the child and the father, it’s a student film but the kid directing is supposed to have a real stash of connections.” Chatters Elroy, clearly trying to regain a sense of joviality between him and Magda.

“I have actually never really bothered playing with light in that way before. How are you so good at online shopping? And here I was about to actually consider giving you a droplet of my very own light” sneers Magda as she enters through the lamp shaded gate of her parent’s compound.

“What?! Really! Wait Magda I’ll gladly take some of your light off of your hands! Come on, come back!” Magda leaves Elroy behind once again and a roving street sweeper pushes him up the current of streaming sidewalk leading deeper into the Energy District. He calls out to Magda yelling her name as he’s being street swept away. Magda turns copper green with regret with even toying around with the idea of sharing any amount of light. Especially with a total goon like Elroy! The family leopard spotted moth, Sapphire, comes whooshing up to Magda giving her a silky kiss. Magda grins and brushes the silk away from her face and picks up a floating torch, lights it with her finger and tosses it as far as she can throw, which due to the pent up hormonal surging emotional cycle Hillary has gotten Mega into, turns out to be quite far. Sapphire flap flap flaps her wings into a column of speed and chases after the floating torch. The outside ladder leading to her room has been rolled up.

“Because of course!” Sighs Magda as she slips off her cycling light up shoes, the tongue of her shoes light up with a balloon showcasing the amount of miles Magda has walked from Monique’s house, nearly fourteen, if only Elroy hadn’t gotten in the way. Inside both of her parents are stationary as always. Wires running from the back of both of their heads so that when they glance over at the door in unison you can see the pulses of light traveling at the same speed from both of their skulls. Magda parents disgust her and she really tries getting up stairs into her room as fast as possible.

“Magpie! Get your cute little grown ass over here and tell me about this nice young man you’re considering giving up your light to!”

“Journey,” Magda says addressing her mom by her proper name which causes her mom to feign a twinge,”Why must you two always insist on watching the security feed whenever I am coming home. Every. Single. Time. Do you two expect me to be still be living here until either one of you finally burn out? Just so you can always have a little show of someone else’s lives to watch? You’re almost as much as a goon as that ‘boy’ you are referring to. You know him already, that’s Elroy, we’re just friends.”

“See Enterprise? What did I say?” Journey says peering directly into her husband Enterprise’s vacant light producing sockets.

“Aw dawlin looks like I owe you thirty pulses! I knew I should have betted on our Magpie giving her light away to some respectable enterprising lesbian. You’re donating your light to science right Magpie? That’s why you left today?”

“I am not donating my light to anyone! I am not anyone’s generator ready to be milked and sapped away for all of my worth.”

“Magda you know your light is strong enough that you could be a really successful crime fighter, or you could even be just another lamp builder like your lil brother and sister.” Coos Magda’s father, Enterprise.

“Or, she can be nothing too! Fine by me! Keep on going missy, I can see how much you are burning to get back into your precious room. All I ask is that at some point tonight please help your siblings make some kind of dinner. Your dad and I are going to be all tied up for the rest of the night running double concurrent shifts. Those damn strikers! We don’t need em! Ow ow ugh I’ve got to be quiet and focus.” Journey rubs her temple which emits a spark.

“Relax my love. This is just a rough patch. Once there is a serum manufactured we’ll be able to import more workers and we can recharge for the next decade. Maybe even more.” Enterprise says this to Journey and they hold each other’s hands not even minding that they are becoming entangled within one another’s connecting wires. Magda hears the quiet scrape scraping of her younger brother and sister’s lamp and neon shop that takes up most of the second floor. Magda ascends up one more floor and reaches her bedroom at the end of a hallway adorned with family portraits. Mainly of her siblings Gidget and Chester selling lamps around the world. See Gidget and Chester in Bali with a lamp made from resurrected coral reefs. There’s a picture of Gidget, Chester and both of her parents soft shoeing on the grave of Thomas Edison. See Gidget defile the Tesla’s tomb. Chester burning an effigy of Musk. There’s one picture of Magda and Sapphire, Magda is only visible as a beam of light. Magda opens up her bedroom and finds Antonia, the Daycrawler waiting for her, suspending herself from the ceiling. Rotating around like a monk’s slimy finger circling around the lip of a singing wine bowl.

“Hiya there Miss Shiney! I brought you a present!” Antonia says this in her persistently chippier and bubblier voice that has not subsided since taking her shower with Monique’s personality shifting scented shampoo. Monique raises her right eyelid causing one of her dimmest overhead lights to come on. The light reveals reveals the sight of a tied up woman sporting a bouncy pompadour sprawling out across Magda’s bed. Soy Hands Flannigan!

“What am I supposed to do with an assassin? All I want to do is curl up and shop. God I sound pathetic.” Magda says attempting to hide the anxiety spiking through the roof of her dome coursing down to her toes.

“She knows how you can find Hillary!”

That’s all it took. All Magda needed to hear was her name. The utterance of Magda’s one and only Hillary causes each and every one of Magda’s three hundred and eighty five lights adorning her bedroom to flare out bright beams of all encompassing light. The kind of light that only glows for a woman once thought lost and dead to the world soon to be rediscovered. Maybe, thinks Magda, having a reformed violent and dangerous assassin as a companion wouldn’t be so bad after all.

#short story #short fiction #surrealism #indoor lighting #science fiction #sci-fantasy #fantasy #power pop #The quick #Kim Fowley

1 note · View note