#grumpy older cowboy I HATE HIM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

darliiin · 1 year

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I posted this on twitter and I wanted to post it here too cuz I'm a menace idk LMAO heres my (bad) opinions about most Redacted characters. Feel free to talk / disagree with me in fact its encouraged if you wanna!!

Vincent: I like him as a character much more than his plot. "Lovely gets hurt. He has to save them." Repeat til death... actually, continue to repeat post death. While at the same time being similar enough to the freelancer storyline for me to notice (flirtatious immortal magic user who doesnt understand boundaries helps humanborn magic user navigate the magical world, ft being taken advantage of by someone else because of their lack of knowledge, going to damn, etc etc). I really do love him as a character, though, he is so dang sweet, his nightmare comfort is one of my favorites and his character development was great I luv him

Sam: My comfort character, my favorite! I struggle with this because since I joined the fandom, and since the honor of comfort character was bestowed upon him, he has changed a lot, and his original plotline has been neglected imo. Also the jokes about him being old (he is a singular year older than vincent) and a cowboy (he has a southern accent) were never a thing earlier on and honestly they kind of bother me, just cuz they dont make sense to me. If it was occasional that would be fine, but it's become the punchline of every joke? Truly I think my issues started when they became mates, simply because that was a Bonus Audio. Sam set a boundary and then went to bone town in his very next standalone vid. It felt really rushed and unneeded. Maybe I just found comfort in the fact that neither him nor the listener were being sexualized. The one after it was spice too. The fact that imp!Sam exists, that it is a possibility for him to be the way he is there if circumstances were different, alone confuses me and makes me think I've misinterpreted his character. Despite all of that, I love him very very much. The first half of his storyline is amazing and I really hope they bring it back full throttle. The struggle for trust between him and darlin and them becoming partners despite their circumstances is really cool. Both of them being rough and tough and unfeeling on the outside but truly soft and gentle and touch starved 😭😭❤... I love them dearly, especially as a concept and their potential and I cant wait to see more of them and I want them to have a good ending even if I literally cant conceptualize a happy ending for them LMAO

Adam: ... my skrunkly.. I absolutely adore the idea that went into him, and like... his character idk hes just so cool. One of my favorites even if short lived

David: hmmm hmmm... I like him a lot. The beginning of his playlist bothers me, and his talk with Darlin was iffy, but if you get past that stuff, I do really appreciate him. Hes very good. I want to see him sad more I love his angsty stuff and his voice is nice to listen to

Asher: his voice is a cheese grater to my brain. He is my favorite wolf despite this. Before the inversion, I wasn't 100% sold on him, but during and after it? Hes just so good and genuine and soft and I am so down, even if his voice took a second to adjust to. I don't have much to say here simply because hes just very good

Milo: hes good! I didnt pay a ton of attention to him, admittedly. I wish sweetheart got some more focus, theres such a great opportunity there to clarify some stuff about the department

Caelum: please I have a 6 year old brother I dont need another one

Lasko: cute! I like him, not much to say, I ship him with Gavin and FL lol

Damien: also cute! I like him very very much, grumpy lil guy

Kody: ... I really love kody a lot. Not as a person, but his voice, his mannerisms, the rain noises during his videos. I love a guy that will manipulate me (we will address this later)

Huxley: I am so sorry I hate him I'm sorry I cant listen to him I like him and Damien together I like his personality but idk what it is about him I just ,, I can not take him seriously

Gavin: I struggle with Gavin a LITTLE bit, especially earlier Gavin, but more recently I really love him. Especially during and after the inversion. Hes so soft and he cares so dang much

Marcus: as a character and concept I really really like him, as a person I dont

James: girlboss

Avior: My second favorite character! Hes SO good I think the story has slowed down recently and I just want to KNOW but also, I dont mind too too much. Hes the character who holds the most of my favorite videos. I just want them to be happy so bad. I relate to him the very most. Hes never done anything wrong in his life. Actually he has but I understand why he did it too much to possibly judge him for it. 10/10 I adore his storyline and his listener and their relationship and I just want everything to be okay for them and I want to see more fluff from him so bad 😭😭 I think he is easily one of the most well written characters and best plot lines, but the stuff after his confession so far couldve been consolidated / shortened and been just as effective

Regulus: Empathy daemons in general being compared to children worries me too much to watch his videos. I have lots of thoughts about (empathy) daemon ages and how they work but I have no idea what's canon and that in and of itself is the problem

Vega: My third favorite! Absolute love of my life I loved him before anyone else fuk u guys prime Vega is perfect (/j) and I am SO excited to see where his story goes I love being manipulated I love how hes a total monster but hes so chill about it he has gaslit me into thinking hes a good person and I'm cool with it I love him so much hes probably my favorite to listen to he is very well written and his voice is so soothing 10/10

Alexis: Unpopular opinion time: She did nothing wrong. Sam is absolutely allowed to be upset, hes allowed to be pissed, hes allowed to never forgive her. He can feel whatever he needs to to get through what happened to him. She did nothing wrong and I will die on this hill. Maybe she should've given him longer to try to save himself. Maybe she could've been more gentle. They were BOTH panicking. They were both in shock. Vincent was turned against his will under very similar circumstances. He hated william for it. But we dont villainize William, in fact we praise him for saving Vincent. For all we know, Alexis has a very positive relationship with being a vampire and her own turning, and didnt really understand the gravity of the change she was about to put him through. I'm not saying shes a perfect character with no flaws, or that we should praise her, but she did a perfectly human thing. I dont see how saving someone you love and then never ever pushing when they dont want to see you again could possibly mean she had bad intentions or is a bad person

#maybe im biased on the alexis thing for personal reasons but #YA here u go if u saw the twitter one i changed some things a little cuz i . didnt really put much thought into it before posting there LOL #redacted asmr #redacted audio

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thefoldedbird · 2 years

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how about some small introductions for your wow ocs? 👀

Hell yeah! I would love to ❤️ I apologize in advance as I have a lot of these dudes.

Orla

She’s a human mage that went from no magic to being patroned by a very old deity to revive Vol’jin. She cannot return home unless she is successful. Apparently far from the first person her deity has done this to but the others are implied to have kinda…died. Is just trying to roll with the punches but the pressure is getting to her.

T’sangra

A grumpy old green troll and the captain of a horde trade ship. Once upon a time he was quite the ladies man. Took a sword to the face about a decade ago and the wound never quite healed right.

Eril

She’s 58 years old but hasn’t smiled in 50 thanks to a bargain on behalf of her parents to a demon. She currently studies fae magic and enchantments. Is not actually magic herself. Her neighbor is simply an nuisance. Her two adopted sons are her pride and joy and she has and will again murder to keep them safe.

Gohn

Eril’s first son. A troll that ran away from home as a child. She raised him on her small farm on the Eastern Kingdoms but he’s since gone back to Kalimdor with the intention of reconnection with his tribe and proving himself to them as a hunter. He’s a mama’s boy with a very soft spot for cows. Could easily be described as a mom friend.

Sad’iekke

Eril’s second adopted son. A zandalari boy and a priest of Rezan. He’s young, naive, curious, anxious, and has a considerable amount of family trauma to work through but he’s sweet as honey and ultimately just wants to be a really good healer. Too nice for his own good sometimes.

Basha

My Gurubashi troll. He’s an older dude and kind of an ass. He’s got a big voice, has a hot temper, yells a lot, and will start a fight just for fun. His wife poisoned him right before he left for Zandalar. He gets jumped by goblins and left for dead in a ditch. His pride takes the brunt of the damage.

Roma

Was a knight but sustained an injury in her leg and didn’t treat it properly. Now she can’t put weight on it and now uses magic to float around and travels in hopes that she can find a way to fix it. Can’t bear to cut it off. Is fatigued 110% of the time. Is named after the tomato, yes.

Nao

A dragon! Part of the emerald dragonflight. Their dragon form is very Aztec in design. They’re a partier with a deep love for drums and dancing.

Rasmundy

Is a wizard in a similar situation as Orla. Except he’s also a cowboy whose magic staff is just a gun that fires whatever he tells it to. Still looks, sounds, and requires reloading like a normal gun. He’s a real jovial dude who’s just trying to vibe. Mostly a joke character.

Jeanne & Mintawix

A Gnome and a Goblin respectively who are both very in love but very bad with their emotions so they just send each other hateful poems in the mail with bombs attached and call the other their Pen(emy) pal to cope.

#world of warcraft #my ocs #oc introduction #ask #krch-1982 #long post #answer #wow #warcraft #two spirits au #thank you so much #for asking about my ocs #🥺❤️#I will never not love gushing about them #Sad’iekke especially #holy shit #this kid is going through developments 👏👏👏#FF WOW

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queer-reading-journal · 4 months

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Blue Ice Ranch Series by V.L. Locey

A trilogy of gay cowboy romances taking place on the same ranch, revolving around the same plot line. Overall very enjoyable characters, some well done rep for Indigenous people, and witty writing!

Content warnings under the cut!

Dawn's Desire

On Goodreads

Grumpy ranch foreman, Nate, meets sunny paleontologist, Bishop, who he is immediately drawn to despite their very different personalities. Lots of wonderful hurt/comfort between these two as Nate has a sad past. There's quite the age difference here (Nate is in his 40s and Bishop in his 20s), but it didn't bother me much.

3.5/5

Twilight's Touch

On Goodreads

Young ranch hand, Perry, has to navigate his feelings for newcomer and trouble maker, Will, who needs the job on the ranch to stay out of jail. There's some forced proximity in this one which is fun! These two are much younger, 20 and 22. I found this one a little less compelling than the other two, but still fun!

3/5

Dusk's Devotion

On Goodreads

Will's older brother, Kyle, is snowed in with Shepard, one of Blue Ice Ranch's neighbors, who Kyle hates. He finds Shepard beaten and bloody on the front porch of his cabin and can do nothing but help him. A very fun enemies-to-rivals you suck but you're hot while you do it type deal. Very much enjoyed them together!

3.5/5

Content Warnings!

Overall series: instances of homophobia, mentions of rape, racism (specifically against indigenous people), use of slurs

Dawn's Desire: past child death

Dusk's Devotion: severe homophobia (character gets beat half to death due to sexuality), gun violence (including a death, a character gets shot in the head)

#blue ice ranch #v.l. locey #dawn's desire #twilight's touch #dusk's devotion #gay romance #MM romance #M M romance #western

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xwing-baby · 3 years

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Impulse: The Beginning (Javier Peña x Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Nothing much! Mentions of misogyny/sexism, tobacco and alcohol use, show level violence, swearing

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: BACK TO THE BEGINNING LADS LETS SEE WHERE THIS SHIT SHOW STARTED

*Spanish translation at the end of the fic*

Have you read Part 1 yet? // Masterlist // Next Chapter -->

---

As one of only a few female agents in the DEA academy at the time, you had fought tooth and nail for your place from day one. Most of the men in your class thought you were useless and had campaigned on multiple occasions to get you taken out of the academy. This was mostly due to your success. You were a great agent already and were itching to get into some real action.

When the agency announced that they would be sending a couple of the highest achieving students from the graduating class out on a new placement program, you knew it was your chance. Incredibly, before you even got a chance to apply you were pulled aside by a professor and told you’d be selected. You were going to Colombia.

The fight in South America was all anyone spoke about. The tonnes they were hauling out was unmatched, it made Miami look like a small fry. A chance to go down there and help, maybe even take down some Narcos yourself, was one everyone dreamed of. Colombia alone had two of the biggest players, Pablo Escobar, and The Cali Cartel. Placement in that country would no doubt be the best learning experience you could ever get! Who knows, maybe you would be the one to catch Escobar!

It took a little convincing to your parents to let you go. They’d seen the news; they knew how dangerous it was and weren’t too keen on you going. Eventually, after a meeting with your coordinator they were convinced, you packed a bag and you flew down to Bogotá.

You were picked up at the airport and driven to the American embassy in the city to meet your mentor Agent Javier Peña. You hadn’t been told much about him other than he was from Texas and had been in Colombia for a while. Not a lot to go off. In your head you imagined some old cowboy, grumpy and hardened by the horrors of the world he had seen. He wouldn’t believe you when you appeared, would probably ask to have you removed immediately. You sighed, already resigning yourself to hate the man you were now forced to spend the next year with.

Your escort took you through the embassy, to the DEA’s office and promptly abandoned you at the door without another word. This was it. You pushed open the door and were instantly greeted by a cheery woman’s voice from behind a desk. Denise, according to her name plate, was filing her nails when you approached. She set the file down and smiled sweetly.

“Hey there, darling! What can I do for you?” Her voice had a strong southern twang to it, a quintessential southern belle with curled blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

“Hi, I’m here to see... Agent Peña,” You looked at that note in your hand to check you had the right person.

“‘Course sweetie, what’s your name?” She asked. You gave her your name and she told you to sit down in a seat opposite her desk for a moment while she called him. “So, you’re working with Peña?” She asked when she put the phone down again.

“Yeah,” You nodded, “What’s he like? I don’t really know what to expect,”

Denise giggled, “You’re certainly in for a treat darlin’. He’s something else,” You turned when her eyes watched someone through the window, “But I’m warning you now, don’t flirt with him,”

“I’m not-,” Your jaw dropped when the man in question walked past the window. Denise giggled, “Jesus Christ,” You muttered. He certainly was not the old man you had expected at all. He entered the room and you quickly shut your dropped jaw.

“Javier! Nice to see you,” Denise smiled at the man. You were shocked. Javier Peña was older, yes, but he was incredibly handsome. Tall, dark hair with dark eyes to match. He had a blue shirt on, unbuttoned just one too far. In such a professional environment it almost looked obscene. He smiled and your heart flipped.

“Denise,” Javier smiled charmingly at the assistant before turning to you, “who’s your friend?” Denise introduced you, “You’re the new kid?” He asked briefly looking you up and down, he shook your hand. Still a little dazed you smiled and nodded. “Quiet huh?”

“Sorry, uh it’s nice to meet you,” You pulled yourself out of your head, stumbling over your words as your brain caught up with what was actually going on.

“Let me show you round,” Javier chuckled, “I’ll see you later Denise,”

“See ya Javi,” She waved as you followed Agent Peña out of the office and down a new corridor.

“She’s cute. Is she your girlfriend?” You asked. Javier turned to you and shook his head.

“Never seen her before,” He smirked. You were glad he was walking ahead of you, as your jaw dropped. If he was like that with someone he had never met, what in hell was he like he was someone he liked?!

Javier took you around the office, showing the different places and meeting different people you would need to know. It seemed most people were exasperated by Javier; he was cocky and liked to get a rise out of people. He obviously didn’t really care for the bureaucracy of the job, much more an action guy than a paperwork guy. Despite your track record with these types previously, you got on well with Javier. He was easy to talk to and his confidence wasn’t arrogant.

You followed him around from room to room, making small talk about where you were from, how you’d been enjoying the academy and such. All the while you were trying to remember where everything was but ultimately failing. The place was a maze. Eventually you came to a small office tucked away in the corner of the building.

“And this, is where we live!” Javier said as he opened the room. The room was small, barely enough room for the two desks and row of cabinets inside. Behind one desk, engrossed in a manila file was a blonde man. He looked up when you entered, giving Javier a questioning look, “This is the Rookie,”

“Y/n,” You added. You were pretty sure he had forgotten your name, introducing you as Rookie to the last three people you had met.

“That's what I meant to say,” He replied, waving you off.

“Nice to meet you Rookie,” The blonde man grinned and chuckled, “Steve Murphy,”

“Nice to meet you sir,” You reached over the messy desk and shook his hand.

“Sir? I could get used to that! Bit of respect round here would be nice,” Steve laughed. “Steve will work just fine,”

“Or pendejo, he does respond to that too,” Javier added.

“Real funny Peña,” Steve snapped back. You chuckled. You stood in the doorway for a moment, watching as Javier chaotically cleared a space for you at his desk by moving a pile of paper from one surface to another.

“We’re moving out of here soon,” He explained, you nodded. He offered a chair, and a cigarette. You took both. “Did you have any trouble at the airport?” Javier asked. You shook your head.

“Nope. Bat my eyelashes and they don’t seem to worry,” You laughed to yourself. Javier raised an eyebrow.

“You get a lot of things done that way?” He asked. Your smile dropped quickly.

“No. I got here on credit, didn’t fuck my way to the top of that’s what your asking Agent Peña,” You said seriously, “Get that straight now. I’m just as good as any man, in fact I’m better. I don’t deal well with sexist assholes,”

“Out of line, I got it,” He threw his hands up in defence, leaning back on his chair. You turned to Murphy, who shrugged.

“All good,”

“Good,” you confirmed, “I don’t want you to think I’m rude, I just have to make it clear,”

“Crystal,”

The rest of the day was a blur, shipped about from one office to another getting badges and meeting important people. You were exhausted. Despite the copious amounts of coffee, you consumed, you had to force your eyes to stay open during the car ride home with Javier. You had been awake for more than twenty-four hours and added to the stress of a new job; you were ready to crash.

You said thanks to your mentor and dragged yourself up the stairs to your own apartment. You had only been inside your apartment briefly to drop off your bag earlier in the day. You could barely remember what it looked like.

The apartment was small and dark. There was a good-sized living room with a lumpy looking couch and a tv set. A small kitchen sat next to the entry door, separated by a half to the living room. Three doors came off the living room walls, one to a small closet, one to a tiny pink tiled bathroom and the last to a bedroom. The bedroom had a large window looking out over the street and the city beyond. There was a dresser with handles that were falling off and a double bed. The covers were old, and the colour had faded, the whole structure creaked when you sat down. The whole apartment seemed faded and old, but it would do.

You lay down, fully clothed, and smiled up at the ceiling. You had made it. You had done it! You were in Colombia, working for the DEA fighting Pablo freaking Escobar! You had succeeded beyond anyone’s expectation and you were excited to prove everyone who had ever doubted you wrong.

You hit the ground running the next day. Between moving the office to a new location, learning the ropes of the job, and catching up on ongoing investigations you felt like you never stopped. You had been home only to sleep for a few hours. You’d change your outfit, shower, and head straight back to work. You had quickly learnt that Javier was not going to be what you imagined your mentor would be, he was much more of ‘do as I say not as I do’ kind of teacher. In one week, you had already seen things that would have you kicked out of the academy if you were caught doing it. You had realised this experience would be much more of an experience to reflect on later than learn any real textbook things from day to day.

Friday was here. You knew you could get at least a few hours rest tomorrow, hoping that you wouldn’t be called in. You’d steadily been making your way through case notes, trying to make some sort of system so the immense amount of information through your desk wouldn’t get lost. You hadn’t noticed Steve and Javier call you, until Javier tapped on the desk next to you. You looked up.

“Rookie! Come on,” He motioned over to Steve who was waiting at the door, Kevlar vest in hand. You were going out on a raid!

“Seriously?” Your eyes lit up and you jumped up. You rushed to get your gun from the draw and raced after the two agents. Finally, you were getting to see some action. You were itching with excitement to finally be able to go into the field. All your training was leading up to this! A moment which for most agents didn’t happen for years! You ran to the courtyard and jumped into the backseat Javier’s truck

Javier fiddled with a radio on the dash until audible orders could be heard, barked through the walkie-talkie giving the plan for the raid. It was the house of a known sicario, not a big player in the grand scheme of things but they would have valuable information.

“When we get out there, you’re staying in here, got it?” Javier said once the orders were given.

“I don’t want to be left on the side-lines and watch! How am I meant to learn anything sitting in a truck?”

“You can stand outside the truck,” Javi offered. You

“Come on!” You begged, “Steve?”

“It’s not my call, Rookie,” Steve shrugged. You sighed.

“So, I’m meant to stand around and watch you have all the fun?”

“Quit whining,” Peña replied, glancing at you in the rear-view mirror. You frowned and settled back in your seat, your excitement dying a little.

After a few minutes of driving through the city, the convoy stopped outside a large house on the corner of a street. Javier parked and the two men jumped out of the vehicle slipping on their vests as they did. You took a deep breath, calming yourself, before stepping outside to join them.

Men started piling out of the cars and taking their places cordoning off the area. Steve was the first to get stuck in, immediately walking over to the man you assumed was in charge. You followed him, just to hear how raids were set up. Not so you could get involved, of course.

“Where are you going?” Javier asked as you walked past him.

“With Steve?” You replied cautiously, motioning over to the blonde a few paces ahead. Javi raised a brow.

“Rookie…” He warned.

“Javier…?” You replied in the same tone, as if you didn’t know exactly what he was going to say.

“Stay,” He said firmly, holding his hand up like a command given to a dog. You frowned.

“I’m not a dog,” You argued, Javi grinned and patted you on the head.

“Good girl,” You scowled at him, making him laugh again before he walked away to join his partner.

“Jerk,” You called after him. You complied, reluctantly, leaning back on the hood of the truck and watching from afar. You knew that it was a dangerous situation and you didn’t have much experience yet; you weren’t going to be seeing any up-close action for a while. It was for your own safety and everyone else's.

But it was boring.

After a short while of preparations and what seemed a lot like just milling about. The team entered the building. Those who were left outside visibly relaxed. Now any superior officers had gone out of sight, the soldiers huddled in groups chatting amongst themselves keeping one eye on their post but mostly watching you.

None of them spoke to you, but you could hear them. They assumed you didn’t speak Spanish, like Steve, so spoke without a filter whilst within earshot. How attractive they thought you were, wondering about how you got your role and whether you’d show them how you got it if they got you drunk. It was disgusting, but not new. Men are the same world over, it seemed.

You leant against the hood of the truck and turned your attention to the matter at hand. You weren’t here to make friends after all. You were here to learn, here to work. If you couldn’t follow into the raid you could learn as much as you could from the outside.

Gunfire and shouting erupted from the building suddenly, making you jump in surprise. Nobody else seemed to take any notice, barely looking up. You watched intently following shadows in the windows. Then, out the corner of your eye you saw a man race from the building. You looked over at the men, still stood around, and back to the man from the building who had started to slow down, and nobody was chasing him. They didn’t see anything. This was your chance. Before anyone could stop you, you ran down the street after the escapee.

He spotted you instantly and began to run faster down the hill and around a corner. You kept up well until the corner revealed a large crowd of people between shops. Market stalls lined the streets and your target disappeared in the blink of an eye. You followed into the people, making sure to keep your gun down to avoid mass panic. You didn’t need more of a scene to let the guy escape

You skidded to a halt and looked around, immediately overwhelmed by the amount of people and directions the man could have gone. You walked to the middle of the intersection and looked left, nothing unusual, right, nothing. Your heart hammered into your ribcage as you tried to collect yourself. It was hard to concentrate under the sun. He couldn’t have gone far, you lost him for two seconds! Losing hope of a dramatic first arrest, you looked up another street, and couldn’t spot your target. You moved to slip your gun back into your holster until you turned and saw a man leant against a wall heaving for breath halfway back up the hill you had just run down. He thought he’d lost you.

You collected yourself with a slow breath and pursued the man again, this time slowly so you didn’t catch his attention. He hadn’t spotted you as you exited the crowd of the market and walked up the hill opposite side of the street, dipping your head so not to catch his eye. You reached for your gun, just ten feet away from him when he finally noticed and jumped up.

“Fuck!” You cursed out loud as you chased him once more. The steep hill made your legs burn, but unlike the man in your pursuit you could bare it. He was visibly flagging and by the time he reached the top of the hill he had given up and you had caught up.

You shoved him against the wall, keeping your gun to his back and leg round his to keep him still. Your heart was hammering in your chest, you laughed to yourself as the adrenaline swept you up.

“Te mataré,” The man spat at you, “puta,” You swiftly lifted your knee, kicking him in the balls making the man yelp. Was it necessary? No. But it felt brilliant.

“Shut up,” You replied. You smugly smiled until you realised you were now stuck. You had no handcuffs so had no way to move him. You had not thought this through at all. You looked around and to your surprise you had just run around the block and ended up on a few feet from where your chase had begun.

You watched the raid exit the house, dragging a few men in cuffs with them. You spotted Murphy and Peña, who quickly noticed that you were gone. You watched them look for you for a minute before calling out.

“Over here!” You called loud enough for the men to hear you. Murphy was the first to spot you and ran over quickly, with a few soldiers in tow.

“Thought we told you to stay by the truck,” He said.

“You missed one,” You replied. You removed yourself from your prisoner and stuck your gun back into the holster on your hip.

“Good job,” He praised you, clapping you on the back. “Bring him up,”

With handcuffs on, the two soldiers took the man into custody. You followed Steve back over to the trucks. You beamed with pride. You’re first ever arrest! You spotted Javier watching you as you approached, a smirk set on his lips and an eyebrow raised. Your pride wavered a little. Just as you got back to the truck, prepared to get berated by your mentor, a man in a green uniform stormed over to you. You dropped your smile quickly.

“Quien es ella?!” He asked, spitting out the words at Javier. “Porque esta ella aqui?” Despite him asking about you, the man never looked at you. His attitude immediately aggravated you and before Javier could open his mouth to reply you jumped in for him.

“Yo trabajo con Murphy y Peña,” You replied for him, a sarcastic smile on your face, driving home the point that you did understand what he was saying and that he couldn’t ignore you so blatantly.

“Carrillo this is Y/n L/n, Rookie this is Commander Carrillo,” Javier introduced you to Carrillo. Javier gave you a warning look, as if that was going to stop your temper. Carrillo looked you up and down then sneered.

“Eres un poco joven?” He turned to you. You scoffed.

“It’s a new placement programme the agency is trialling,” Peña jumped in again, “Don’t worry about it,”

“Oh, so my war is a place for you to test your kids huh?” Carrillo rolled his eyes, “Fucking gringos. I don’t want some girl here,” He waved you away, turning on his heel and walking away. You scoffed, anger taking over.

“Sir, with all due respect. Fuck you,” You called after him. Carrillo stopped walking, half turned back, shocked at the audacity of what you were saying, “If I wasn’t here that guy would have run off and it would have taken you another month to find him again. Personally, I think a thank you is in order,”

“Okay! In the truck, Rookie,” Steve finally stepped in, before Carrillo could reply. He grabbed you and pulled you out the way and back to the truck. Javier stood in the way of Carrillo, so he didn’t follow.

“What a jerk,” You grumbled as you slammed your door. You glowered in the backseat, watching Javier and Carrillo talk.

“About sums it up,” Murphy agreed.

“He looks pissed,” You commented as you watched Javier part with Carrillo and join you and Murphy ready to leave.

“He always looks like that,” Steve replied, making you chuckle. You were still nervous; you had completely stepped out of line saying that stuff to the commander. No doubt Javier was going to be just as mad. You picked at the loose thread on your shirt, staying quiet when Javier opened the door. “Good?” Steve asked.

“All good,” Javier replied as he shut the truck door. Steve started up the engine and pulled away from the scene.

“Seriously?” You were shocked.

“Oh no he hates you now, but he hated Steve for a while there too so don’t take it too personally,” Javier said, Steve chuckled. “You certainly know how to make a good first impression,”

“I’m not in trouble?”

“I’m a little worried you might be insane; I don’t think I would even say that shit to Carrillo!” Javier said, “But I will say you did a good job with that sicario so, I’ll buy you a drink to celebrate the occasion when we get back,”

Javier turned to look at you quickly, giving you a cheeky smirk. You grinned back. You’d done awesome today, a week into this placement and you’d already made an arrest. One bad guy off the street, all by yourself! You’d pissed off Carrillo, and while you were sure it would probably bite you in the ass further down the road, you had made an unforgettable impression and you couldn’t really bring yourself to care that he hated you.

That evening Javier kept his promise and brought you a drink at the bar after work. Sat with Murphy and Javier in a booth, listening as the two of them bickered like an old married couple, you couldn’t stop smiling.

“To Rookie!” Steve drunkenly called out, raising his beer up. “May you keep on ignoring orders and kicking ass!” You cackled with laughter and cheersed your teammates.

This was going to be a great year.

Next Chapter -->

See! I CAN be nice!!!

translations (as always i am learning PLEASE correct me if these are wrong!)

Te mataré - I will kill you

puta - bitch

Quien es ella? - who is she

porque esta ella aqui? - why is she here?

yo trabajo con Murphy y Peña - i work with Murphy and Peña

eres un poco joven - aren’t you a little young?

Let me know if you want to be tagged in future parts!

tag list: @beskar-tano @buckysbeloved @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @themidnightsun-12 @wille-zarr @danniburgh @itsaisopodkillmepls @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @lesbianlena @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick

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aftgficrec · 3 years

Note

What are your favorite super fluffy andreil fics with little or no angst? I apologize if this has been asked before! :)

Oh there’s plenty of fluff in the fandom, thankfully! See the previous recs listed below, a few recent adorable fluffy one-shots that made me grin from ear to ear, and a couple of older personal faves because I do what I want. -F

March Staff Recs Fluff here

Fluffy sick fics here

Fluffy/humorous fics here

Fluffy nonsexual intimacy here

Foxes reacting to fluffy Andreil here

‘It’s the Thought That Counts’ here

Recent fluff:

tell me we'll never get used to it by etoiles_de_crunch [Rated G, 800 words, Complete 2020]

basically i take nora sakavic's declaration that andreil never get married and crush it under my little gay cowboy boot, or: i express my thoughts on this sentiment through fiction

this is just a little ditty about their wedding night. a cheese platter is involved. andrew wears glasses. enjoy.

As You Wish by minyardmonster [Rated T, 2411 words, Complete 2020]

Having earned Neil’s full attention now he presses several kisses up his thigh, stopping to briefly bury his face in his boyfriend’s stomach before propping himself up over him. “You seem a decent fellow," Andrew feels the faint pull of a smile against his lips as he speaks, getting ready to attack. "I hate to kill you."

Neil immediately understands, eyes widening before he attempts to dart away, but Andrew is quick to pin him down. Neil tenses beneath him as he speaks, ready for the onslaught he knows is coming. “You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.”

Or 2K of Andrew and Neil quoting The Princess Bride at each other while they adjust to daily domestic life.

Cat Magnet by ihaveacleverfandomurl [Rated T, 1430 words, Complete 2020]

"My fuckbuddy is kind to my cat and my cat likes him. I’m starting to have feelings for him because of that"

Andrew Minyard might be in too deep.

A couple personal faves:

The Sweetest Leaves by moonix [Rated G, 3134 words, Complete 2018]

In which Neil makes tea, Matt tries to ask Dan out on a date, Allison loves gossip, Andrew is known as the grumpy record store guy, and Aaron isn't getting married.

i'm a tourist making stops (i'll never leave without you) by Talls [Rated M, 2707 words, Complete 2016]

Andrew is unreasonably on top of this, and should have expected Neil to not be any good at relationships.

Or, in which Andrew proposes, and Neil confronts the reality that is his life.

(ft. Kevin as a perceptive asshole who Neil couldn't live without)

(tw: panic attacks)

Art:

I have a thing for andreil + sunsets art by @coldcigarettes

domestic Andreil drinking their morning coffees art by @danzeebee

i just want them to be happy art by @flightyfoxart

#staff fave #neil josten/andrew minyard #kevin day & neil josten #universe: post canon #au: coffee shop #au: no exy #theme: fluff #theme: proposals #theme: weddings #theme: secret relationship #theme: communication #theme: friendship #theme: cats #theme: strangers to lovers #theme: domesticity #theme: cuddling #tw: panic attacks

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tiesthatbind1899 · 2 years

Text

bad synopsis meme

ok so hiiii i’m reappearing after months of silence. @galadrieljones tagged me in this forever ago but i just now saw it so it still counts. basically, i gotta describe my fics in the worst way, which i usually already do so

let the wolves enjoy my bones - one sad cowboy mourns another sad cowboy and buries him. then the still-alive sad cowboy goes to the aid of a dumb cowboy’s family. everyone is sad and/or dumb. including the author. i’ll let you decide which one i am.

the memories of the west - aforementioned sad dead cowboy is alive in this one! yay! but he hates himself. and instead of being happy w/his newfound bride that he kinda accidentally got himself married to, he decides to hate himself more. the bride is fed up and just wants to fuck already. instead, they just look at each other a lot and with longing.

the places we left behind - did you think we were done with sad cowboys because we aren’t. this is just a post-apocalyptic sad cowboy revisiting his older brother’s (who is also, you guessed, a sad, sad cowboy) home. he misses his brother and dead niece a lot. he also has a crush on a woman who scares him a little.

scabs, scorpions, and sequoias - old grumpy cowboy and foul-mouthed kid who he has accidentally adopted play a game of would you rather as they ride a horse through a spooky forest. questions such as would you rather eat shit or bugs are asked. trees are looked at. author also has a hard time spelling sequoias.

this was super fun! i’m tagging @shallow-gravy, @sentientdroids, and @alwaysupatnight if y’all wanna bc i’d love to see some of my favorite fics described in horrid ways by their wonderful authors :)

#tag game #bad synopsis tag #this was fun

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commander-kiranerys · 4 years

Photo

mfu + dril, Illya edition

[illya | napoleon | waverly | nsfw]

#man from uncle #mfu #the man from uncle #The Man from U.N.C.L.E.#illya kuryakin #part 1 of several #mine

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lo-mindpalace · 4 years

Text

10 - Sweet Rides

(BOBBY’S POV)

“What am I supposed to do? They’re your kids, John.” I said.

“Bobby… Dean is 10 and Sammy’s 6. I can’t let them go with me on this case.”

“That’s why I’m saying they are your kids. They are more important than this case! Come on, let me go there instead of you. Stay at my place with the boys.”

“No. Maybe it’s a lead to the son of a bitch who killed Mary. That’s MY case.”

I raised my hands and shook my head in disapproval. John looked at me with dead eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? I wanted to tell him so many things. About how it was wrong to leave his sons alone while he was off hunting like a desperate man. I met his boys in February 1989. And now this was the fifth time I saw them and 1989 wasn’t even finished. I began to understand that John was turning me into a nanny or something like that. This was wrong. I like the boys but John is the father for God’s sake. I was about to tell something and I felt Dean’s little hands gripping my pants and looking at his father while standing behind me.

“Where are you going, Dad?”

“I have to go to work, Dean. You stay with Bobby and you take care of Sammy, understand?”

“Yes, Sir…”

John looked at me and nodded. I was still shaking my head in disapproval, my angry gaze stabbing John’s empty shell. Idjit. Such an Idjit. He left without words and didn’t even turn around when Dean called him one last time. I saw the little boy’s sad face and closed the door. I was about to say something but I heard a big noise in the kitchen as if something very fragile had fallen. Dean’s eyes widened and he ran into the room.

“SAMMY!”

I followed Dean and saw shard of glasses which belonged to an old bottle of vodka. Sam was standing next to it, his face full of fear. Dean rushed into his brother and checked on him.

“You’re okay, Sammy? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“Mh-no…” Sam said, tears beginning to fill his eyes. “I just wanted to drink water…”

“That’s not water, Sam. That’s alcohol. You can’t drink that, it’s forbidden, okay?”

“I’m thirsty… Where is daddy…? I want to go home…”

The poor kid was about to cry but Dean hugged him and dried his little brother’s tears.

“Sammy, look at me… Look at me.” Dean said softly. “Dad is working. So, we have to stay at Bobby’s. I know it’s a weird place without any toys but we will find games to play, alright?”

I rolled my eyes when Dean mentioned how weird my place was. Well, it was obviously weird because it wasn’t meant for kids. I sighed and told the boys to go to the living room while I was cleaning what remained of the poor bottle of vodka. I had to find something to keep the boys’ poor minds busy. I looked at the pile of mails and flyers and saw that a gathering of old cars – with activities such as car rodeos or rallies – was taking place in Sioux Falls today. What a lucky dude I was. I took the paper and went to the living room. I crouched in front of Sam and Dean.

“Look boys, I know there is nothing to do here but… What about going there?” I asked while giving Dean the paper. “It’s a gathering of old cars and there are a lot of things to do there.”

“But Dad said we had to stay here…” Dean said while pouting.

“Well, John’s not here so I am technically in charge of you boys. I am the one who can decide.”

Dean seemed to hesitate. He kept looking at the paper before looking at Sam.

“Do you want to see old and sweet rides, Sammy?”

“Like the one daddy has?”

“Yes, even older!”

“I would love to.” Sam said with a big smile.

Sam gave me a beautiful smile and I admit I couldn’t resist to this angelic face. Damn, John, you should see your boys right now.

* * *

The sun was up in the sky and Sam and Dean were over excited. “Look, Sammy” Dean was repeating to his brother, showing him all the cars. I had a beer in my hand and I put mini sandwiches and a bottle of water in a bag for the boys. They were running everywhere like little fireballs and it was hard to keep an eye on them. But I managed to do my best unlike John. I like him, but he is irresponsible with his children.

Sam and Dean were looking at old cars. I even told them that my first car was this old Studebaker lark from 1960 but mine was greener. Dean was beginning to be an expert in cars, like his father, and Sam was paying attention to each word Dean was saying, without really understanding but seeing his old brother that enthusiastic made little Sammy happy. After a moment I called them to come watch the car rodeo. When they arrived on the platform, I gave them the sandwiches and the water and they sat quietly, Sam swinging his legs happily. It was like they never went to these kinds of events and at this thought, I was a bit sad. Poor kids. They deserve a normal life. During the car rodeo, Dean was shouting like a cowboy or something, whereas Sam was snuggling a bit against me.

“Are they hurt? The people inside the cars?” He said with a bit shaky voice.

“Don’t worry, Kid. That’s their job, it’s a show.” I said, reassuring him. “You don’t like it?”

“Not really but Dean is very happy so that is making me happy too.”

I smiled a little bit. Those brothers were very close. Dean was everything to Sam and that pinched my heart a bit.

“Okay, let’s say that car rodeo is Dean’s entertainment. What do you want after this? For your entertainment?”

Sam pouted while thinking.

“Fireworks…?”

“Mh, I think the fireworks are later after this show. But we will stay to see them.”

“Thanks Uncle Bobby.” Sam said with a smile.

I raised my eyebrows at the nickname. I swear, those kids were making my grumpy ass very soft. Sam stayed close to me the entire show, eating his sandwich. At the end of the rodeo, we went for a walk, in order to stretch our legs. We wandered around the cars until we found a good spot to see the fireworks. It was already getting late and Sammy was being impatient. After an hour, the first firework exploded in the sky. Sam’s eyes were shining and he was captivated by the colors. During this moment, Dean came closer to me and held my hand. I lowered my eyes and looked at him, a bit surprised by his movement. He looked at me too, smiling.

“Thank you, Bobby. That was a beautiful day…”

“You’re welcome Kid. I know my place can be boring for two children, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand that you are not supposed to keep us. But it’s nice to do it anyway.”

My face saddened a bit.

“I will buy some stuff for you boys just in case you are staying again.”

“I really want that…”

“Want… the stuff?” I said arching an eyebrow.

“No… I really want to go to your house again with Sammy. To go to see sweet rides, going to a restaurant, walking around Sioux Falls or just playing hide-and-seek in the scrap yard. If you don’t mind, of course.”

“I really don’t mind, Dean.”

“But… You seemed to hate that when Dad told you to keep an eye on us.” Dean said looking at me.

I sighed. Damn, this kid is a good observer for a ten-year-old boy.

“Yes, well… John is your father. He is supposed to take care of you. Not me… But… I won’t leave you and your brother alone. So, I’ll do your father’s ‘job’.”

“… You are a great father… Uncle… Whatever…”

No words would come out. I looked at Dean and tightened my hand around his. He is such a good kid. He and his brother. Such good kids. I looked at Sam and then the fireworks, enjoying this moment with my two little boys.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hope you liked it. I admit I’m pretty proud about this one... Bobby is one of my fav characters (along with Cas) ♥

#suptober20 #supernatural #sweet rides #bobby singer #john winchester #dean winchester #sam winchester #young dean winchester #young sam winchester #john winchester is an asshole

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jemfisch · 3 years

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⌠ MASON GOODING, 21, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JEREMY “JEM” FISCHMAN II! according to their records, they’re a SECOND YEAR year, specializing in ADVANCED ENCRYPTION & “MACGUYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS AND NAVIGATION; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (old hip hop blaring from headphones, a broken crtv with the cords ripped out and repurposed, the smell of spray paint graffiti, brightly colored shirts with 80s patterns). when it’s the (cancer)’s birthday on 06/23/99, they always request their ICE CREAM SANDWICHES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 24, she/her, est ⍀ @gallagherintro

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION

fox mulder (the x files)

hogarth hughes (the iron giant)

will turner (pirates of the carribean)

robin hood

george weasley (harry potter)

aladdin

spike spiegel (cowboy bebop)

mark watney (the martian)

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO

his parents were high school sweethearts and married just before they attended college at harvard together, securing careers at the kennedy space center.

jeremy fischman sr dies under mysterious circumstances in a lab accident and ellen is twenty-eight and left alone to raise baby jem. things only go downhill from here. jeremy was the love of her life and she becomes obsessed with his disappearance and all kinds of conspiracy theories, blows a bunch of her money. it doesn’t take long for her to be fired, savings blown on expensive equipment or sunk into internet hoaxes

they move to a rough neighborhood in gainesville where jem grows up. he likes jem, not jeremy, jeremy is his father. he’s never experienced the perfect life his parents used to live, the white picket fence, the shiny space shuttles. he’s only got this, and honestly, he doesn’t hate it.

the neighborhood’s rough, but there’s a lot of fun characters, and his mom is practically his best friend – aside from his next-door neighbor, NOAH WARD.

jem’s mom does odd hacking jobs from the comfort of their home. some of them are shadier than others, she makes connections with a lot of private investigators in town and looks into people’s cheating husbands and tracks down birth parents and missing people. she does pro bono work too, a kindhearted woman, she can never say no to those in need, even if she’s not so fortunate herself. as jem gets older, he learns everything that he knows from her

every summer vacation growing up, jem and his mom would pack their bags and make home in a camper van, traveling across the country. in some ways, this was great mother-son bonding, but this wasn’t why they did it. his mom never gave up looking for the truth about her husband, but hacking into secure, top-secret government databases is nothing like hacking into the gainesville city hall, it’s hard work, and they travel around the country methodically so that their signal cannot be traced. every summer they get close, but never close enough.

when noah moves away for college, jem stays home. he’s not comfortable leaving his mom.

he keeps up with hacking jobs and keeping up with looking for his dad on the side. he doesn’t think they’ll ever find him, his mom holds out hope but jem is eighteen years old and a bit more jaded now, he figures the guy’s just really dead and well, the conspiracy of it all matters less and less when he knows that either way, he’s still grown up without him.

a lot of jem’s social life is online, whether it’s friends from hacking forums or via soundcloud.

when he’s not hacking, he’s making music. his passions of technology and music mix and he creates his own beats and soundcloud, mashing together songs, and even putting together a popular meme track or two used on tiktok.

it’s actually a bit lucrative, but that’s not why he does it. doesn’t even really use his name, catch him on soundcloud…username? uncutjems.

every time he and his mom get close to finding his dad, there’s just more to do, and it’s almost like someone KNOWS what they’re doing.

jem’s right about that – he is being watched. since noah’s admission to gallagher, recruiters have been aware of the boy who taught her everything she knew.

when gallagher makes the choice to start allowing male students, an agent shows up at his door offering him a once in a lifetime chance at a free education.

jem doesn’t have any strong ambition to go into espionage, per say, but he won’t say no to advanced classes taught by some of the world’s brightest minds – and a chance to reunite with his best friend. however, he hasn’t stopped trying to get into the government’s records and still has ambitions of going into music production.

PERSONALITY.

INTUITIVE. jem has a natural intuition about things and he trusts himself and his own opinions about things. i suppose you could perceive this as confidence, but honestly he’s just really SMART, good at absorbing facts even subconsciously and putting things together about people or situations. in a sense, he has a habit of being correct – he definitely comes off as intelligent, even though his grades in school have never been very good. he just has different priorities.

LOYAL. make a friend out of jem and you have a friend for life, he’ll take your secrets to the grade and he’s pretty trustworthy. he’s the type of guy that gets along with pretty much everyone but he has a few select, close friends because he is somewhat intentional about the company that he keeps. he’s friendly and kind, but he keeps his inner circle of people he trusts close and somewhat exclusive.

PROTECTIVE. kind of has papa bear energy, you know ? maybe the dad friend of your friend group, but in a laid back way, he might not seem like he’s the type to spring into action but call someone close to him a rude name and you’ll see his fist coming at your face. he’s protective but not possessive, i guess is how i would describe it, but i think he gives pretty good advice as well because he’s really hoping the best for ppl.

MALINGERING. jem is kind of a SLACKER! at least, that’s what teachers have called him in the past, he simply does not dream of labor. he’s just kind of doing his own thing, will fake sick to skip a class, whatever else, even though he likes producing music he doesn’t really have a great ambition for anything, spy or otherwise. as long as he has a good computer setup, then he’s fucking chilling.

MOODY. he’s laid back to the umpteenth degree when it comes to work or obligations, but he does have sort of mood swings, i guess he’s the sort of person that you would describe as grumpy at times ? definitely NOT a morning person and when he’s in an off mood, he can be hard to interact with or snap out of.

DISORGANIZED. the sort of person to throw his stuff across the bed or leave piles of clothes on the floor to deal with later, maybe he’s not your favorite roommate for this reason. he has a habit of losing things that he just set down or whatever, things like that.

HEADCANONS.

tbh you can think of him like...beca in pitch perfect ! he’s here bc he was offered a free education and he’s cool with that, but he’d rather be pursuing a future in music. a damn good hacker, though, and the gallagher recruiters are hoping that with some ‘ambition’ he’ll want to work for the government someday.

played baseball throughout middle and high school and he’s fairly athletic – he can get pretty competitive when he plays, it kind of brings out a side in him that most people don’t expect to see because he’s fairly chilled out most of the time

a boss with a slingshot. there is no reason for this, but he had one as a kid and he used to chase squirrels away from the bird feeders outside their home. he has great eyesight and his aim is great, but it’s literally the only weapon he’s proficient in

he’s not tiktok famous for his face, but he has two tiktok famous songs...he’s made like 12k in record deals for selling the rights, it’s just the kind of shit that he does goofing around in music software and he has a good ear for what is going to be catchy

he’s NOT a morning person, definitely a late night kind of guy, will stay up until all hours just fucking around on the computer and then he’ll sleep until 1 or 2pm, at least. getting up for morning classes is a struggle for them and he has slept through them on occasion.

funky sweaters, crazy socks, fun-patterned shirts, he dresses a bit like a circus tent at times, but you can’t say that he doesn’t have style – he dresses well, but it’s like he’s stepped out of a 90s cartoon or something

if he makes u a playlist he either wants to be ur friend so fucking bad or he’s head over heels in love with u

really likes making new things with old technology, he loves taking the macguyver courses and learning new things and he’s actually built his own computer and a lot of his own musical instruments

usually has a couple bandaids because he’s a bit accident prone or can lose his focus when working in the lab. when he gets in his own head while working on a project, he literally cannot hear anything else – sort of selective hearing

likes fucking around with spray paint, if he can, he’s got a bit of an artistic streak and he doodles stickers on sticker paper sometimes. you can probably catch his tag around campus or even stuck to the latops of his close friends, it’s just a little man with a tv for a head.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

HACKING JOBS – if you STILL need a hacker for any of your wild backstory connections, jem is a great bet. he’s been doing paid jobs for people professionally since he could type, and he’s sort of an ace at getting in and out without leaving a trace...and he’s no gossip. so, your secrets would be safe with him.

SMOKING BUDDIES – people that he can smoke up with, talk about life, talk about the bullshit of gallagher, but also people he can laugh with that don’t make him feel stressed or concerned about the future.

MUSIC MAKING BUDDIES – if your character makes music, maybe they can collaborate on something...we’re about to drop the hottest mixtape of all time right here at gallagher academy i will teach myself garageband for this shit...jk but maybe

EX ON BAD TERMS – someone he dated last year...i’m imagining it was their first year and things were really great for the first semester, but shit fell apart second semester along with the school. maybe all the drama on campus caused distance, maybe he wasn’t there for them when they needed it, or maybe they got jealous of the way he always prioritizes noah ? a combination of things, we can hash out the details since i know some of you had some pretty angsty things going on second sem, and maybe it’s awkward now because it feels like there’s unfinished biz.

EX ON GOOD TERMS / LOVERS TO FRIENDS – maybe someone that was a rebound and things didn’t really work and they saw that, maybe he wasn’t over his ex or whatever but they were able to stay friends ? it’s up to you how your muse feels about it but i want an ex that jem also has no hard feels about and actually is maybe sort of protective of them and cares a lot about them finding happiness, they bonded hardcore.

EX-FLING – idk maybe they were hooking up for a while and then one of them started seeing someone else or one of them caught feels so they don’t hook up any more but it was super fun when they did !! also down for it to have been like a summer fling and once the summer ended.

BROS – idk i would like for him to have a squad or something for him to just fuck around with <3 but it’s wholesome and they respect women

ONLINE FRIEND (ANONYMOUS) – he spent a lot of time on forums online and stuff so i’d love for him to have an online friend !! maybe cute if they just know each other by their screen names rn and we can do a bunch of text chats and maybe they both know they go to gallagher but they simply. haven’t met idk

ONLINE FRIENDS – also friends he met online that aren’t anonymous they could’ve met through any number of forums but probably have similar interests like music or hacking so they’re long time homies , someone he’s known almost as long as noah

ONE NIGHT STAND – self explanatory. maybe they’re super good friends and now it’s kind of awkward now and they want to get back to a place of normalcy but it’s simply not normal, maybe they fucked things up by breakin the tension on like. halloween or some shit.

FRIENDZONED – someone jem accidentally friendzoned and maybe he doesn’t even realize it himself but they had a thing for him and he really just didn’t realize it bc he can’t tell unless you spell it out for him.

CLASS RIVALS – someone who tries really hard and cares about class a bunch vs. jem who doesn’t give a fuck but he keeps making the grade without really trying, so they’re ? bitter about it ? and so the two really do not hit it off because of that and they go back and forth , i just rly want a classroom rivalry. maybe even this rivalry and them nagging him actually motivates to try in the class just to piss them off

ENEMY – this person shared a secret with jem and then it somehow got out on the gossip blog idk ! they think jem told and now they hate him.

anything pls let’s chat !

#gallagher:intro

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sourwolfstories · 5 years

Note

Do know any good age difference fics? Thank you & I love your blog ❤️

One life stand by Vendelin

Stiles is used to selling himself to make ends meet. But it’s getting harder to keep those ends meeting, and there’s only so much of Stiles to go around. Until a too-fancy car shows up in his neighborhood, and he meets Derek Hale.

All Derek wants is Stiles’s time, someone to stay on his arm for events and smile for the cameras. It’s the easiest job Stiles has ever had, the best-paying one he’s ever had, and he’s more than happy to sign up.

Derek is everything and nothing Stiles expects him to be, with his tailored suits, sharp mind and his quiet way of caring. But it’s just a job and Stiles never meant to fall in love.

I Just Wanna Be With You Every Day by Brego_Mellon_Nin

When his best friend’s son barrels into the kitchen only dressed in a pair of skintight jeans, lean but defined torso on display, Derek knows he’s truly and utterly fucked. Not only is the kid barely eighteen, but he also happens to be the Sheriff’s only son.

Derek makes a vow to himself that he will not seek Stiles out and he’ll get this thing under control.

Multidisciplinary Studies by DevilDoll

Stiles is a slightly-older-and-very-sexy librarian and Derek has a thirst for knowledge.

Salty Sweet by secondstar

Derek works at a porn store. One day, Stiles comes in asking all sorts of TMI questions about different toys. That’s where it all starts.

One Door Closes by KouriArashi

Derek knows that Stiles is too young for him, but Stiles doesn’t agree. Eight years after Derek rejects him due to the age gap, they meet again where Derek has settled in Wyoming as a ranch hand, and Stiles is the new deputy, and still pissed as hell about the way Derek turned him down. Things don’t go as either of them planned. (I’m sure a million fics have been written about older Stiles and Derek, but this one has cowboy Derek, does that help?)

Ruin Me (Take Me Down) by xLostDreamsx

Driving his teachers and his Dad crazy with his incessant trouble making, Stiles reluctantly accepts young college student Derek Hale as his ‘babysitter’, his Dad misguidedly believing he will be a positive role model to help guide him back to the straight and narrow.

Unfortunately for the Sheriff, he isn’t quite aware that Derek isn’t quite as up-standing as he appears and at the hands of his smart, young, manipulative son with a head full of ideas, his rather weak moral codes soon crumble.

Or put simply, Derek gives in to Stiles and things get hot and heavy pretty fast.

A Thousand and One Firsts, But Only One Forever. by TheLoyalFriend

When Stiles was eight, he had panic attacks. He would sleep walk, block by block going further until he finally reached the woods.

When Derek was eleven he found some brat in the woods, asleep on a rock.

They fall in love.

Be the Life of the Party by Mimiminaj

His father’s face suddenly turned serious again.

“He is twenty four though, son. I don’t care if his smile shits rainbows and his laugh births puppies. You are his employee. It would be bad to cross those lines during your first job. Or ever.”

Stiles’ face hit the table.

“I hate my life,” he moaned.

Scott laughed cheerfully. “Don’t worry sheriff! It sounds to me like the entire cinema staff feels the same. Stiles doesn’t stand a chance with Derek!”

“Scratch that,” Stiles mumbled into the wood. “I hate you two more.”

Or – Stiles starts working at the movie theater. His boss is Derek.

And We Only Saw Half the Ballet by meglimeg

Stiles is one of those, ‘love or hate’ kinds of students. The smart-ass, obnoxious, loud-mouthed sort of kid that a teacher will either love to teach, or hate to teach. He tends to be a hit with the older teachers and the younger teachers; the ones who are either young enough to relate to him or old enough to appreciate how different he is from the other students. It’s the ones in the middle, the ones who feel like they deserve his respect but never seem to be able to earn it, that hate him. Finstock and Harris could write sonnets about being pissed off with Stiles.

But basically, everyone has their side. Love or hate. No in-betweens.

Except for Derek. Derek’s in between. Predictably.

Put Down in Words by paintedrecs

“Oh,” Stiles said, his voice coming out low and breathy, “fuck me.”

“I don’t think that’s on the syllabus, but we can check to see if there’s a spot open in any of his classes,” Scott said, grinning.

“This isn’t an actual professor, though,” Stiles insisted, unable to resist brushing his thumb over the sharp line of the man’s bearded jaw. He was laughing at something off-camera, the shot taken in three-quarters view, his coat collar casually rumpled and opened to reveal a sliver of a simple grey t-shirt. The whole thing was deliberately calculated to lend him a more accessible feel, and god help him, Stiles was falling for it.

When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale’s intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor’s salt and pepper beard.

Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek’s carefully cultivated world into disarray…and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

Later, mate! by Smowkie

Derek looked at the time and sighed. One more hour until he could go pick up Alex and go home. It was Friday, and Fridays were their nights, so they were going to eat Chinese food and watch Beauty and the Beast for the thousand time and probably play a game together, and he couldn’t wait.

Someone knocked on his open door and he startled a little as he was pulled out of his head. Stiles smiled at him from the doorway.

”Hey, professor Hale,” he said.

”Mr Stilinski,” Derek said and tried to keep his smile professionally polite.

Every time he talked to Stiles he had to remind himself that he was his student, that while he was 18, and legal in that aspect, he was still ten years younger than Derek, Sheriff Stilinski’s son, and again, his student.

Gym Rats by i_am_girlfriday

Stiles spots Derek at the smoothie shop across the street from the gym early on a crisp April morning, it’s not even 7 AM yet. For some reason, and Stiles will deny it has anything to do with Derek in joggers, he decides that maybe this is the perfect chance to introduce himself.

It’s Always For You by S_Horne

There in the drawer lay an envelope which suddenly caught Stiles’ attention with its capitalized text. As he brought it closer for a better look his brain shut down for a second. That was his name. His name and his husband’s… Reading the top form with utter disbelief, Stiles pulled out the other pieces of paper with shaking hands and a heart that threatened to beat straight out of his chest.

“I won’t sign. I promise you right now, I’m not going to sign them.” When he got no reply but a shake of the head, his voice broke with his heart. “Please, don’t do this.”

Flowerwolf & Beacon Roots by alisvolatpropiis

Derek tries not to show his surprise, curiously hopeful, but still suspicious of Laura’s involvement. “Oh. How do you know my coffee order then?”

He grins. “The cute baristo knows your order, dude. All I had to do was ask for Grumpy Flower Guy’s usual.”

Derek huffs. “I’m not grumpy.”

“He says grumpily,” Stiles smirks, winking.

The sound of his own laughter surprises Derek, so yeah, okay, maybe Stiles has a point.

“Laura said that you weren’t really into dating,” Stiles goes on, “but that uh, you uh, well you know.” Stiles’ cheeks flush a very pretty ruddy pink under the scatter of beauty marks that Derek aches to taste. Stiles turns away, towards the cooler of roses, muttering to himself under his breath, which of course Derek can hear perfectly well. “Great freakin’ advice, Lydia, ‘just bring up sex and tell him you’re cool with having a one night stand,’ okay, sure, that worked fucking beautifully.”

“Okay.” The word is out of his mouth before Derek can even think about the consequences of saying it, something unusual for him. He wants Stiles however he can get him, it seems.

“Okay?” Stiles eyes are wide when he spins back to look at him.

“Yeah, okay. Let’s have sex.”

#answered #anonymous #sterek #sterek fic rec #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #age difference

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chirpycreations · 4 years

Text

How Villians Sleep At Night Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: This story will NOT be my usual happy, bit of violence sorta thing. It will contain some mature themes and language. I don't mean Undertale genocide mature either. I mean abuse, manipulation, depression, low-self-esteem and possibly suicidal thoughts (I'll clarify this list as I work on the story). This isn't something I'd let my 12-year-old sister read so if you're under 14 I probably wouldn't recommend it.

Alrighty, with that out the way, happy reading!

- - - - - - -- -

Cold, windy and cold. The light snow began its descent, its final journey, landing down on his nose and everything around. Drawn like a magnet, he felt his hand jump outwards, catching one of these fallen angels, only for it to dissipate in a matter of seconds.

He paused a few meters from the door, turning back to the tall building which loomed over him. He must look different from when he arrived. His body felt chocked by the bandages around him. Ribcage, vertebrae and skull, left arm laying lazily in a sling. It wasn’t just his recent addition of battle scars and bruises those. His clothes, or more accurately, now his clothes. Donated to him by a friend. They were too small, too tight, too familiar. Sleeves of the tired blue hoodie just surpassing his elbows, trousseaus mimicking shorts, and pink fluffy slipper which, judging by their size must have once belonged to his friends older brother.

The wind wrapped around him as if in a hug to congratulate, or was it to comfort? Both would be appropriate given the events that had passed.

Regardless of its intent, he pulled the scarf up to his nose, covering up the sensitive bone beneath. It was still raw from only having been recently reintroduced to the world that lies around it. A world much colder than the one he had known 4 weeks prior, and for more reasons than just the winter chill, gesturing its commiserations.

He found himself drawn out from these thoughts by the moaning of the snow behind. Crunch, crush, crumble. The snow settled under the weight of the oppressive foot.

He didn’t need to face its domineering owner to know who was approaching. The sigh of heavy boots and ragged breaths. He’d come to know them well.

“I am guessing you did not come to congratulate me on getting out of the Hospital?” His voice was coarse, rusted form lack of use over these last 4 weeks. Those in his defence, he had spent the last 3 weeks asleep and the option to practice such activities had not been appealing this last week, despite his visitors who had shown no such hesitation.

“That’d be correct.” The voice replied, his usual grim tone clouding over.

He could picture the cowboy standing there in the snow. His thick brown jacket, heavy boots and purple scarf, no doubt pulled up high like his own. Yellow beady eyes, peering through the falling snow. The only thing which could penetrate it was the scar running through his left socket. Two lines were torn deep into the bone like a knife through a cloth, jagged edges jumping out at those who dared ask the question; How?

He held onto these images just a little longer. He didn’t want to face him: Judge, jury and executioner. Didn’t want to break the illusion, see the bullet, the disappointment, hate and pity which followed in his final moment. Not now, not from him. Not a reminder of how far he’d fallen. How much he had failed everyone. Them. Himself. Not now, not yet.

The judge let another ragged breath escaped into the wind, then spoke again, his voice still harsh, “We need to talk.”

He almost laughed: Predictable.

He’d imagined this meeting over the last week, dreaded it.

Each time he imagined this outcome, each time only worse. The path so far smiled in his favour, but was it actually kindness? Or the sympathy of fate while deciding which hand to deal him next?

“I expected you would say that. Maybe somewhere a little warmer? I know a suitable spot.”

- - - -

The change of scenery was nice. He had seen too much white: White walls, white snow, white dust. It all blended together after a while. Instead, the calm beat of rain sang out drowning these thoughts; drip, drop, plop. The soft squelch of moss beneath his shoes and cool blue glow of flora. A welcomed change.

He sat on the lone bench, once home to an abandoned quiche to which he believed was adopted by Frisk some months earlier during their last run. A last bid to make their wrongs right? He couldn’t help the bitter smile that came with the thought. They had been the same all along, hadn’t they?

“Alright, let's get this shit over with. I’ve got better things to be doing than dealing with the fucking mess ya’ve made me, bless yar heart.”

The judge; to whom he’d come to know as Apollo, Wayne or his more commonly called name: Justice, over the last 5 months was the same as always. Grumpy, ill-tempered and foul-mouthed. Not knowing better, you’d think it was any other ordinary day. Paperwork, lack of sleep or maybe Squirrel might have contributed to the slight dip in mood, but otherwise, you wouldn’t think different. He knew different. He knew it was his fault.

Justice had taken to standing in front of him. He’d pulled out a dictaphone, notepad and pen. Bad cop, good cop? No, there was only one of him. He didn’t see Sarge or Chara, so obviously he’d been decided as an ‘easy’ case to deal with. Even so, it didn’t feel much like an interrogation. For anyone else, Justice would tower over them like a mighty dictator, interjecting fear and obedience. Then like a master surgeon he would dissect them for his answers. For him, however, the same was hard to say. Even while slouching, his lanky body continued to meekly rise above the judge, even if by only a few centimetres.

The situation felt a little... uncomfortable, but not more than that.

The dictaphone clanks as Justice sat it down on the bench. A bone finger reached out and pressed ‘Record’.

That's it then. No more hiding, no more delays. The inedible was always going to happen. He could only stall for so long.

“Interview #597883. Interviewing S-"

“Hoshi”

His interruption was met with silence, annoyance and confusion. For this story, he is ‘Hoshi’.

Was.

“...Interviewing ‘Hoshi’.” Justice finished his annoyance still very present. Strike one, maybe?

“For future review, this interview will be documented. All information discussed will be kept confidential and on a need ta know bases with only those holding clearance.” The note pad was empty. Did he really know all this off the top of his head? How long had he been doing this?

“You will answer all questions given to you, with nothin’ but the truth and will not withhold any information regardless of its contents. Should ya be found to be lying or withholding anything, then all evidence for your case will be rendered void. Do you understand?”

Tap,

Tap.

Hoshi rushed into an answered upon noticing the impatient pen's rhythm upon the paper. “Yes...s-sir.”

“Justice'll do.”

The silence was his reply, a slight nod of the head.

“Look, I ain’t gonna sugar coat this for ya. You’re in some deep shit here and really fucked up. I don’t think I have ‘ta tell ya how serious the charges you’re looking at are.” He paused, taking a breath, or was it a sigh?

“Endangering the life of a Creator & leaking sensitive information regarding the Bar & it’s Patrons to an unknown 3rd party is pretty fuckin’ serious, and should’a already contributed to 4 accounts of sansicide on you’re head if it wasn’t for sheer fucking luck.”

“That being said,” He added after a moment,

“You did speak out about it and put your life on the line to take the brunt of the consequences (, even if a little late).” He mumbled the latter half, scowling down on the words as if their existence in that order should sentence them to a fate far worse than his own.

“While try’na throw your life away is fucking dumb and won’t fix what you’ve done...myself, Z-Stars and other agreed ya deserve a chance. As well as the numerous vouches towards your character we received, evidence collected would suggest possible fowl play to some extent. Whether this is true or not, I intend to find out.”

How had he gotten here? Everything was going so well. Everything was going according to plan. It was simple enough. Fool proof. 'Hoshi proof', Shadow had even teased him often enough. If any common fool could do it, he would be fine. He couldn't fail.

But still...

- - - - -

"Que se passera-t-il si cela ne fonctionne pas?"

("What shall happen if this does not work?") He asked. He'd felt the fear call at him through the fog of his mind. It's worrying pleas, he could barely make them out, but it seemed logical to respond to them. By responding to them, they would leave. He'd be alone again with the fog. The nothingness. It had grown on him, the emptiness inside.

"Je suppose que ça dépend de la façon beaucoup don't vous voulez rentrer à la maison, n'est-ce pas?"

("I guess it depends on how much you want to get home, doesn't it?") His Shadow replied, in broken french.

Unlike him, his Shadow wasn't native to his tongue. Despite this, however, Shadow had insisted they use his tongue to communicate. His language was less common than English. It meant they had more privacy, 3.29 times more to be precise, and as a bonus, their target also didn't speak it.

"Tu t'inquiètes trop. Je serai là si tu gâches. Maintenant préparez-vous, ça ne devrait pas être trop long maintenant."

("You worry too much. I'll be there if you mess up. Now get ready, it shouldn't be too long now.") Where was he now then? Why wasn't he by his side? Whispering flattery... advice... encouragement...like he'd always done. Telling him how stupid and pathetic he was, how he couldn't do anything, wouldn't be anything.

Apart of him wished he could tell him he was right... again.

"D-d'accord. Merci mon amie."

("O-ok. Thank you my friend.")

- - - - -

A hand waved in front of him, ending its journey with a flick on his nose. He blinked hard twice looking up and meeting the angry gaze. Ah right, he was still here.

“You’ve got one chance ‘Hoshi’. The truth or I can make a start on locking yar ass up for eternity so I can get some brain bleach and drink the rest of this fucking nightmare away.”

"..."

“Choice’s yar’s really, but ya should know a lot’a folks stepped forward to vouch for ya. It’d be a shame to reject their forgiveness ‘cause it ain’t often you make friends like ‘em who’re willing ta stick by your side no matter what.”

It took a moment for Hoshi to find the right words. He’d know his decision since he’d first awakened.

“Where would you like me to start?”

A weight placed its self upon his shoulder: a hand. It stayed for a moment, lifting and coming back down with a pat. The judge had a smile projected onto his face, it couldn’t have been his own. In all the time he’d know him, he’d never truly smiled (unless sarcastic of course). Maybe he was seeing things? After all his left eye was still tucked away under bandages, deemed too damaged to face the elements.

“That’s the spirit, boy.” No, the smile was real.

He let his eye drift upwards, meeting Justice's almost unnatural gaze. Too kind and gentle, too out of character. If anything, the uncanny expression on his face made him feel even more uncomfortable than the whole integration.

The weight removed it’s self completely,

“The begging. Include all the details ya can remember. We need ta know who we’re fuckin’ deal with cause whoever these folks are, they’ve already made it pretty fuckin’ obvious they mean business.”

“I-I...I am sorry.”

“I know.”

They remained in silence for a minute, nothing more could be said: The damage has been done. All they could do now was pick up the pieces and hope there was enough glue left to save the situation from shattering further.

“Let’s make a start kid, somehow I doubt this’ll be quick.” He flipped his pen around. It stood at attention, ready to follow his every command.

“O-ok.”

This is it, then: the true story.

It was so long ago, so many things had happened since then. Could he even remember how it started? How it happen? But then again, the better question was how much would he let himself remember? He’d tried so hard to bury it, pretend the illusion was real, fight back the pain, the tears, late at night when white lies clawed at him. Slowly digging themselves up from the shallow graves he’d hastily buried them in.

He preferred the illusion. It had a happy ending.

Was going to, at least...

Was heading that way before the events of one month ago.

The incident.

His ultimate failure.

His betrayal...

He smiled meekly, he...he was a terrible person. He knew that much was certin. No.

A mess, not a person. A mess of lies, illusions and shredded memories. That was a different story, however. Maybe he would get to tell that story one day too. But till then... this is the story of Hoshi, Sans.

His story.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Cover & Chapter 1 art

[TOSD] How Villians Sleep At Night by me

Justice Sans by Vangold

#justice #sans #undertale #undertaleau #hoshi #story #litrature #storywritting #waterfall #past #incident #6monthdeal #creatorandcreation #talesofstardust

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mintytrifecta · 4 years

Text

I’d Spend Them With You

Also on A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22454086 Garfield has been around for a long time. He knows this, and he’s getting pretty tired of it. No matter how much he tries to have any semblance of a normal life cycle, it always comes back and bites him in the tail.

So now here he stands, inside of an old abandoned theatre filled to the brim with thousands of cats, debating on whether they, as cats should question Primal Self on why they have nine lives.

“I’m sorry Finn I just don’t see the point in this. Seems more trouble than it’s worth.’’

“The humans are people of knowledge just like us, they research and explore their universe and their lives I don’t see why we can’t do the same!” Finnigan McEily, lived eight lives, on his ninth. Spanning seven centuries, approximately 14 years old. He’s the head councilman in the Muncie region, followed by Garfield himself being the second. Of course, what Finn doesn’t know is that Garfield can take away his authority at any moment.

Not that he wants to do it anyway, too much work and stress, he’d much rather not do all of that thank you very much.

“Yeah well what will we do with that knowledge once we get it? We’ve lived near humans since before time was counted we know they like to stick their noses where they don’t belong, I’d rather not follow in their footsteps.”

“Great Bastet, how much more in denial can you get-”

“Finn I was there to see the worst of what humanity can offer. I’ve been on the receiving end of human curiosity and let me tell you it is not fun. We have no idea how to explore our lives, much less understand why we are the way we are. There really is no point in doing this.”

In another life, he might have said differently. He might have agreed and said they could benefit from this. But unfortunately, he’s lived too many and is quite certain this will only end in disaster.

“We are ancient and loved. We have seen civilisations rise and fall and we’re able to tell the tale. Yet the only thing we haven’t figured out is how. I, for one, think this could be beneficial to us as a society and a species.” That was Amelia Sternman, third head of the council. Lived eight lives, spanning five centuries, ten years old. She’s joyful, ignorant, poetic and wide-eyed and Garfield would love to do nothing more than to claw her tail into a clean shave. Damn maine coons…

If Garfield was in another life, in the garden, he probably would have been her best friend. Jovial, forever young, stupid, they could’ve been mistaken for siblings from different litters. Sure she can use big words but they ain’t making her any smarter. She has no idea what this means.

Garfield recalls a time where he would have jumped on this idea right away. He fed on knowledge in that life. He had to, he was a detective, after all.

Samuel Elias Spayed. Lived in the 1920s, just your run of the mill hard boiled detective doing his job. Died in a shootout with a gang in 1931. Overly curious, stuck his nose where it didn't belong and it ended up working out great for him.

But, he’s getting ahead of himself.

“Why can’t we just keep doing what we’ve always done and go on with our lives. Accept that yeah, this is a thing that just happens and be done with it? Man, how long is this meeting I want to go home already.”

He heard a wallop in the audience, agreeing with him. Good, he’s not the only one bored out of his mind.

Finn sighs and strikes down on the stage floor with his paw three times “Alright fine, meeting adjourned for this week, but we will keep discussing this matter next time. You’re free to go.”

Garfield jumps off the old rusted podium onto uncomfortable old wood,the stage creaks and groans with every step his fellow pets make.

As Garfield steps out of the Bijou he thinks of how impressive it used to be. Standing proud and intimidating, it's lights aglow. Try hard enough and he can still hear the music playing from the pit. Strain his eyes enough and he swears he can see the actors performing their final number.

A piece of this land, always here to be remembered, yet never to be fixed.

He always felt a sense of connection to the building. Who knows, maybe in a previous life he was a pet to one of the cast members.

Not every life gets remembered, not every person gets photographed. Hell, he can't even remember what he ate for breakfast that day.

Maybe it was the sense of community that always drew him back there, he thinks. Letting his feet take him wherever they please. Garfield always feels better with other people around, as much as he tries to deny it.

After living for so long loneliness creeps up on you and crushes you inside out. Being with someone gave him a distraction. A thought that maybe… he didn't have to go through it alone.

He remembers the watercolour streaks of stars in his first life. Ancient and hard times, yes. But beautiful nonetheless. The world was new and naive. The older he got, the more stars went out. Now they’re practically all gone.

So was he. Crushed to death with a tree. His teeth crushed and mouth left bleeding. It wasn't too bad a death, he didn't have to suffer for long.

He thinks of Finn handling things in today's meeting. The felines asked for a day's meeting just between themselves. Finn trying to handle everyone talking at once doing his best to stay on track. Garfield wanted to laugh at how apparent it was that Finn wanted to scream. The dogs eavesdropping didn’t make it any better.

While there has been evidence that dogs traverse lives, they didn't want to test the theory and the dogs never said anything. It's a win win in Garfield's book. They don't touch their business and they won't touch his.

Walking along the road, he hears music coming from the park across the street. There was a performance by a touring folk band, Garfield is sure he can see Jon and Liz in the audience. After enough tries Jon’s given up on dating her and they opted to stay close friends.

Romance… what an odd thing, Garfield thinks. Everyone strives for a deeper emotional connection yet Garfield can’t remember any life he’s been in where he looked for a partner except his current one.

Connection was never his forte, often times he found himself opting out of meaningful conversations and friendships when they got too personal. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, but he dies inside every time he does.

Baast’s Honor, how he wishes he could talk to someone. But no. he can’t be vulnerable. His previous lives showed enough of that. Vulnerability led to loneliness, loneliness lead to abandonment and a much faster death.

Stuck in an uncomfortable liminality between intimacy and isolation, Garfield found himself in a numb state. Constantly grumpy and always eating to distract himself, he’s sure whatever deity out there responsible for cats is rolling in their grave in disgust and horror.

The band is stopping for a piano solo, Debussy. Arabesque number 1. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards. He remembers Sarah playing this song…

His favorite life. After his untimely death occurring to an accident on set in a previous life, this one was a great change of pace. No worries, just peaceful times living with Sarah. He was almost her second piano teacher. Lucky one of his previous lives was that of a court musician's pet. Lived in her home from when she was a child and lived to see her child.

He continues walking and thinks of his home. His first home in this life. A beat up old Italian restaurant in a beat up old part of the city. Forgotten by humans, adored by cats. His whole family lives there.

Almost.

His dad doesn't. He left before Garfield was even born. Not that it bothers him any, he's got Jon and that's good enough for him. Garfield hisses softly to himself.

He remembers eating lasagne for the first time. It was his first ever meal, eaten five minutes or so after he was born. His mother laughed at his already large appetite.

Unfortunately a few minutes later he was taken away by the owner, thrown into a cage with other whining and screaming animals. The cage taken into a shelter and Garfield placed inside another cage. Begging and pleading to be taken by a human. Garfield cowered in the corner, confused and frightened. Some of the older folks tried to explain the situation to him, but all he cared about in that moment was being back with his mom.

A few days later, a brunette entered the shelter and Garfield caught his eye.

It took him a while to warm up to Jon. He knew humans weren't harmful to him, especially not one like Jon but he couldn't help but not be nervous. His previous life left a bitter aftertaste of humans…

Garfield feels a shiver go down his spine. He hated thinking about it. Being a lab experiment was one thing, almost being killed in the jungle after turning into a dog was another. Both sucked.

It felt wrong to be a different creature. Everything that he knew from his previous lives suddenly meant nothing. This was new, uncomfortable ground that he wasn't ready to explore. Garfield cringed inwardly.

He feels terrible saying that. He used to love exploring. It was his whole purpose in multiple lives. As a pirate, a space thief, cowboy, hell one of his jobs was literally exo-planetary explorer! Of course, both instances in space led to him gaining an extra set of lives for some goddamn reason.

He doesn't know whether to be thankful for it or despise it.

His feet come to a stop. The smell of old wood and abandoned concrete hits his nose with familiar pleasure. His family's home.

His home.

He runs to the back and squeezes through a hole in the wall. He knows why his instincts brought him here, speeding to the kitchen, he finds his clowder.

Ranging from his half brother Raoul, to his aunt Rockelvia. They run up and greet him with excitement.

"Look at that, ol' tiger's back." Uncle Morty exclaims, wrapping his tail around Garfield’s back paw and headbutts him.

"Took you awhile to come visit us. What you getting tired of your family?" Aunt Em scolds him from the top of a cabinet. Her tail swishing back and forth in a lazy welcoming matter.

Garfield chuckles. "Quite the contrary. You know I'd visit more if it were allowed by the Council. Unfortunately they don't take too well to anyone born outside a vet, shop or a human's home."

He hears great grandfather Oslo scoff. "Darn pets. They're the ones who kicked us out, you know."

Garfield rolls his eyes and replies, "Yeah I know you only whine about it every time I come over. But that's not why I'm here, do you know where mom is?"

"Check the dining room, she likes to sleep near the tables."

Garfield nods and makes his way towards his mom. After Luigi's Palace closed down she along with the rest of the family were considered strays and forced to leave the community.

"Mom? You here?"

"Table six, sweetie."

With a smile (and a few falls) Garfield makes his way to the top of the booth. He runs to his mom and headbutts her playfully, saying hello.

"Why, it's good to see you too, Garfield. What's the reason for your sudden visit?" She speaks softly.

Garfield sits down next to her and begins to explain,

"The council wants to initiate conversation with Primal Self. Not only that but to experiment on it and find out why it happens. I don't know about you but the idea of doing it sounds ridiculous and unnecessary." He says with a pout.

Sonja looks at her son with a curious gaze before replying.

"Well, my mother told me that the reason it happens is because the animals of the world were jealous of us cats having so many lives so they asked their ancients to curse all cats to come with a trial. This trial shall be held on each fifth life and determine whether a cat deserved its other lives in peace, or if they had to work for it. The ancient spirit of cats listened to their pleas and in sympathy, obliged. Following every cat on their fifth life and bringing out their ancient instincts."

Garfield stared at her in confusion, he was around before time was even thought of. Surely he'd remember something this important.

"But that's just an old queen's tale. Nobody knows for sure. I can't offer you much help with this, but I can support you in your council. Even from afar."

Garfield smiles and cuddles with her for what seemed like a lifetime before getting up, proclaiming he needs to return home.

As the moon shone on him walking down the street, he thinks of how wonderful this world is; despite its messes. He knows it is.

After all, he's been around for a long, long time.

#Garfield #Garfield: His Nine Lives #Literally all of his lives can be connected #So I connected them

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darkangeldesignstudio · 5 years

Text

Dark Horse

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Death, Attempted Rape, Strong Language, Mentions of Animal Abuse, and Eventual Smut and Fluff

Setting: Post Civil War era USA. Marvel Cowboy AU.

Song: You Can’t Take Me by Bryan Adams

Previous / Next

Chapter One: A Death in the Family

A violent shaking woke you in the night. Rubbing your eyes, you looked up to see your brother’s wide eyes and a sense of foreboding washed over you.

“What’s wro-”

John shushed you with a finger to his lips, his eyes begging you not to speak. “Men outside. Not sure how many.” His whispered voice trembled with nerves. People in the mountains, this late at night, was never a good thing.

You nodded to him in understanding and crept slowly from your bed to grab your gun belt and the two Colt Revolvers that rested there. Pulling on your pants, you fastened the belt around your waist just as you started to hear the voices approach.

You left your bedroom to join your brother in the kitchen. Taking cover behind the table, you could just see a shadow pass by on your porch and you gripped your guns in both hands, prepared to defend your home.

“We know you’re in there.” The voice was gruff and a bit slurred. It wasn’t uncommon for a man to drink to keep the chill at bay in winter; maybe it was just a drunk that lost his way. It was wishful thinking, but in your gut, you knew that was not the case here.

“I don’t want any trouble.” John shouted back through the door, trying to reason with the men. “If you need supplies, I will gladly help you out, but I need you to stow your weapons first.”

Laughter was their counter, and if your ears weren’t deceiving you, there was someone posted by the rear of the house and another on the side towards the barn.

So, at least five hostile, armed men and no way to know what they want. They could just be looking for shelter… “Why don’t you come on out here and surrender. We won’t hurt you, much.” Or a fight.

You nodded to your brother as he approached the door. You made a plan for cases like this; you just hoped it would work while severely outnumbered.

“Okay, I’m coming out.” John reached for the handle, prepared to open fire as soon as he cleared the entryway, but he never got the chance to open the door.

A deafening shot rang out as the wood of the front door splintered inwards. Your brother clutched his chest as he turned to you. Time slowed as you watched blood seep out between his fingers. His eyes were wide with pain, he gasped for air and a wash of red bubbled from between his pale lips. He collapsed to his knees as his eyes rolled back, body crumbling to the floor in a heap.

You could hear laughter and cheering from the men outside as tears blurred your vision. The front door began to open as an inhuman scream tore its way out of your throat. Raising your guns, you peppered the door with bullets.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky called out, riding back into camp just as the sun started to set over the horizon.

Steve exited the abandoned house, barely containing the yawn that wanted to escape his exhausted form. They had been traveling for days on little to no sleep, but Bucky looked refreshed after his short ride with Sergeant. “What’s got you so excited, Buck? Don’t you ever get tired?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, taking Steve’s light teasing for what it was. Of course he was tired, but there were more important things to do right now. Like finding supplies, which he did.

“There’s a farm a few minutes west of here, looks like a man and woman live there. Maybe they will be willing to aid us, or at least give us directions into town.” Bucky looked to his best friend with pleading eyes. “Come on Steve, we need help. Not everyone is a bad guy.”

Sighing, Steve nodded. Bucky was right, and they couldn’t be so unlucky as to run into a Shield Agent out in the middle of Nowhere, Colorado.

Plus, their luck seemed to have turned a few days back when they had lost the gang of Hydra thugs that had been chasing them and then they found this abandoned farm house. It was fully stocked with canned food and a large barn for their exhausted horses. They had just gotten their first full night - and most of the day - of sleep in ages when Bucky decided to scout the area for game and supplies.

“Sure, Buck. Just let me wake up the others and get saddled up and we can check it out.” Turning towards the door, Steve looked back over his shoulder to his best friend’s disappointed expression. “The last thing we need is to turn up and be outnumbered by hostiles.”

With a sigh, Bucky nodded his agreement as Steve left him out front to wait. It was unfortunate that they could never find a moment alone anymore, but at least they had a chance to gain more supplies for the long road ahead of them. All-in-all, Steve was right about being cautious.

You never know when those Hydra bastards will show up and, from the looks of it, there’s a winter storm coming that could snow us in for weeks. Good thing the cold never bothered me.

Smiling happily again, Bucky ran to the barn to fetch everyone’s horses. The sooner they left, the sooner they could get back and hunker down before the storm hit.

_______________________________________________________________________

You ducked behind the table as shots rang out from the guys outside, shattering the window at your rear. Glass rained down on your head as you waited out the barage of bullets. Anger and sorrow warred within you as you caught another glimpse of your brother’s body, a pool of blood growing around him.

Wiping tears from your eyes, you clenched your teeth as the last rounds of gunfire died. Crawling on all fours, you moved towards the bedroom, hoping to escape and flank your attackers. If all else failed, maybe you could reach the barn and run with the horses.

Donning your jacket, you opened the window and crawled through as swiftly and quietly as possible. The wind was icy. There wasn’t any snow yet, but if the clouds on the horizon were any indication, it was not far off and would fall for a while. You snuck through the wintry night, towards the lumber pile. You could hear the men as they entered your house, there were definitely more than you first thought.

Ducking behind the wood that you had stockpiled for winter, you could see horses tied to the small lean-to a few yards away. If you could just get there and release them, the men would be too distracted by their escaped mounts to notice as you escaped into the barn.

With a solid sounding plan in mind, you approached the horses calmly, trying not to spook them and give away your position. Unfortunately, it seemed your luck had run out. The click of a pistol cocking froze you in your tracks.

“Hello there pretty lady.” The man chuckled, holding the barrel of his gun to your head. “Hands up, there won’t be no trouble.”

You raised your hands casually, guns resting lightly in each hand, breathing as evenly as possible.

“That’s it honey.” You felt his gun lower from the back of your head as he began to reach for your pistol.

Turning rapidly, you slammed the butt of your gun into the side of his nose. A sickening crunch, followed by a yelp of pain, was all the sound he made before you unsheathed your blade and drove it into his neck. Blood sprayed, splattering your cheek as you looked into the man’s dying eyes.

“That was for my brother.” Shoving his body away from you, you turned just in time to see another man rounding the corner of the house. You stowed your knife hastily, pulling the second pistol out of its holster and opened fire.

A single shot sounded and a bead of blood ran from between the man’s eyes. He collapsed to the ground as shouts from the men inside rose in volume. You sprinted back to the wood pile, diving over it as a bullet hit the logs, barely missing you. A firefight ensued and you managed to take out three more of their men before you ran out of rounds.

“Shit.” Pulling your knife from its sheath again, you prepared to run for the barn.

_______________________________________________________________________

The starry night sky was fully in place as Steve and the group rode out towards the farm Bucky had found.

Natasha and her gorgeously wild Nakota mare, Krasavitsa, were alert and ready for anything, riding ahead of the group as their lookouts.

Bucky, on his red roan Appaloosa, rode next to Steve and his filly. Star was the frisky counterpart to Sergeant’s stoic and commanding presence. She was an elegant chestnut Thoroughbred that loved to race over the land at a full sprint, much to the older stud’s annoyance.

Tony with his penchant for explosives and destructive things took up the rear. His exquisitely grumpy, gold Andalusian stud, Mark II, had been very displeased with being pulled from the barn in the dead of night. Not unlike his owner who continued to grumble and complain as they rode.

“Why are we out here again?” Tony whined, his horse grunting in agreement, ambling along behind the group.

Steve, turning in his saddle, glared at Tony in exasperation. “For the tenth time, Bucky found a farm that could have supplies. We need supplies if we are going to make the long trip east. Now, eyes up and stop your whining, we’re close.”

Bucky tried not to laugh as Steve rolled his eyes, Tony was a pain, but he was great back up in a pinch. The three of them halted at the base of the hill, sending Natasha ahead to take a look on foot. Much to Krasavitsa’s annoyance as she paced and pawed at the ground. She hated being separated from her human, but she wouldn’t put Nat in danger by giving away their position.

A few moments passed in silence, until the noise of distant gunshots reached them. Natasha ran back to the group as another flurry of shots and a shout echoed through the surrounding mountains.

“What’s going on, Nat?” Steve was visibly shaken, the distinctly female scream made his hair stand on end and kicked his protective instincts into high gear.

“Someone is attacking the farm. Appears to be around ten men in total, there were a few dead outside the door.” She shook her head at Bucky’s silent question. “She’s alone out there. Not clear how much longer she will last.”

With that, Natasha mounted up and they crested the hill together to take in the scene at the ranch below. It was pure carnage.

Men’s bodies fell unmoving onto the ground around her as the woman fought them off, equipped with only a knife. She must have run out of bullets with that last round of gunfire. She ran for the barn, trying to escape unseen, but they cut her off at the wood shed.

Tony took the horses, leaving them in the adjacent trees as Steve, Bucky, and Natasha began to creep along the tree line, towards the homestead.

They watched as the brave woman grabbed a nearby hatchet and chucked it at the man in her path. He fell dead, the hatchet firmly embedded in his skull. A sense of relief flooded Steve’s system as she reached the corner of the barn, but it was short lived as a scream tore through the air.

Drawing his revolver from its holster, Steve picked up his pace, Bucky trailing close behind him as they traversed the back of the property. Tony and Nat split from them, heading to the front as a giant man was seen dragging the woman into the house by her hair. He was followed by the rest of his men who hooped and hollered, sick grins plastered on their faces.

Looking to his partner, Steve and Bucky were in agreement. They needed to save the woman quickly. Hydra wasn’t a merciful gang and they would soon be out of time.

_______________________________________________________________________

The firm grip on your hair was painful. Strands popped from your scalp with every step as the hulking man pulled you across the floor of your home, past the body of your brother. His men jeered and touched your legs with their dirty, blood-stained hands. You tried not to panic, but your attempts were in vain as it dawned on you what they were about to do.

The leader - you assumed as he was the one barking orders as he dragged you along - took you towards the overturned dining table and hurled you into it. Your vision darkened as the breath was knocked from your lungs. “Flip the table and tie her down.”

Agonizing pain radiated through your back as you struggled to clear your vision enough to fight. Two men grabbed your wrists hard enough to bruise as two others worked to flip the heavy table right side up. The two men holding you forced you, face-down, onto the dinner table. They tied your arms above your head, tying it around one of the table legs at the opposite end. This left you on your tiptoes, your hips perched at the edge. Your cheek brushed the rough surface of the wood grain as you tried to observe the men’s locations around you.

When the first touches came, you began to panic. You couldn’t see the hands and that was the most excruciating part of it all, they brushed you in your most feminine places. Their rough palms and debauched words made you feel sick and tainted. You wished the world would just swallow you up, take you away from this horrible place that had been so recently full of love and happiness.

Tears streaked your face as they began to peel the clothes from your body. You kicked and screamed as best you could in your compromising position. Your head whipped back forcefully as a massive fist connected with your cheek, you felt the bones in your jaw crack as your vision blurred.

“Be still, bitch!” The man at your back bellowed as he gripped your hair, wrenching your head back.

Screaming as severe pain travelled the length of your spine, another wave of tears erupted from your eyes. Feeling helpless and alone, you did the only thing you could think of; never having been much of a believer in the almighty, you were out of practice, but you would do anything at this point. Closing your eyes, you begged for someone, anyone to save you.

Please, if you truly are there, listening to me. I need your help, anybody’s help. Somebody, please save me. I’ll do anything, just SAVE ME!!

#Dark Horse #Reader Fic #Marvel MCU #cowboy au #western au

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benisasoftboi · 5 years

Text

In Which I Explain The Entirety of Star Wars, Despite Being Very Much Unqualified To Do So

I have only seen one Star Wars movie - it was The Last Jedi. I saw it, with no context, two years ago in theatres when it first came out. I was very surprised to find out that it made a lot of people very angry, because I quite liked it, as did the friends I saw it with. I can’t say I remember much though.

All the rest of my Star Wars knowledge comes from its generally inescapable nature in the pop cultural zeitgeist. I might have seen a bit of Episode 6, which I don’t know the name of, when I was round a friend’s house once, but I was very tired, and it was about a decade ago anyway.

That’s just some context for my lack of qualifications to do this. My friend said I should still do it anyway. I will not be looking anything up as I write this, so all spelling mistakes and other general errors are mine.

So anyway - The Entirety of Star Wars:

Original Trilogy

There is a guy called Luke. He is played by Mark Hamill and he is George Lucas’s self insert. He lives on a planet where there is only sand, because in this universe all planets have only one terrain, I think. He drinks milk. The milk might be blue.

A guy played by Liam Neeson finds Luke. I think this guy’s name is probably Obi Wan Kenobi, but I might have that wrong. At some point he will die tragically and it will be formative for Luke, but then he will also come back as a ghost. Ghosts exist in this universe.

Possibly Luke has known this guy for a long time or possibly he is a stranger, I am not sure. Somehow they end up on a spaceship.

Luke needs to learn how to use magic powers called the Force, which seems to be mostly telekinesis, and also lets him use a really fancy but probably impractical sword called a lightsaber that shoots blue or sometimes green or sometimes red light. This is called Jedi training. Jedi Knight is a religion. You can claim to be one on the census in the real world. They seem to be really serious people despite having a silly name.

Everyone also has guns that go ‘pew pew pew’ and nerds get really mad when you make fun of that.

Luke will meet many colourful and interesting people on his journey. These include:

A woman played by Carrie Fisher who is also his twin sister but he doesn’t know that until after they kiss. Her name is Leia or maybe Laia. She has silly hair. At one point she wears a slave bikini because she’s enslaved to a gelatinous blob because that’s just how it goes when you’re the woman in a 70s sci-fi movie

A guy called Han Solo because he is Edgy and Does Things Solo. He and Leia have a romance and it’s Drama. He also has a spaceship that people will build very impressive lego replicas of. He dresses like a cowboy. I’m 90% that he is played by Harrison Ford

A bunch of walking teddy bears called Ewoks who can kill you and live in a jungle

A guy called Lando Calrissian who I think wears fancy clothes and that’s all I know about him, he might actually be a villain I’m not sure. He might die?

A little blue robot who hid behind some rocks one time and then in the re-release he hid behind more rocks than before and the fans got Mad

A big gold robot who is nervous and gay and might be gay for the little blue robot, like they might be married but that also might be a meme I’m not certain

A weird green goblin thing called Yoda who makes Luke carry him around and speaks in broken English that annoying people have spent the last thirty years imitating. He dies, but then is a ghost so it doesn’t matter really

A guy called Boba Fett who is a bounty hunter. I genuinely have no clue how he fits in to all of this. He might not actually be from Star Wars, maybe I’m mixing him up with something else.

Luke is also trying to fight the Evil Darth Vader who works for an Evil CGI Emperor of the Evil Empire. They live on a big spaceship called the Death Star and it looks like a moon but isn’t and people think it’s funny when you point that out for some reason. They are the Dark Side, which makes them easy to root against because they’re just cartoonishly evil I guess. I think they are also bureaucrats. They have Stormtroopers, who might be brainwashed people or might just be robots, or might even be clones. They all wear identical white armour with helmets so people don’t care when they get shot. Kinda like fencers.

Darth Vader is actually Luke’s father and this is a twist except not anymore. This means he is also Leia’s father, I’m not sure if she knew. Also Luke loses his arm. Darth Vader gets redeemed and then dies but also takes down the Evil CGI Emperor with him.

I don’t know what happens in any of the movies, but I know that the first one ends with them getting plans for or from Leia, not sure, the second one has the dad twist, and the third one has ghosts. Also they blow up the Death Star by shooting a garbage chute really hard.

Prequels

These movies are widely disliked. The first one has too much bureaucracy. They are about Darth Vader’s backstory. He used to be a guy called Anakin. He will Become Evil. He will also meet many colourful characters. They include:

His love interest, who is called Padme. She wears a silly hat and dies of a combination of Childbirth and Sadness. I saw this bit happen one time when I was a kid and I was stuck round my mum’s friend’s house and her son was playing through this part in the LEGO game. It was sad

A guy with a red face whose name might be Maul and has robot legs?

A guy called Jar Jar Binks who everyone seems to simultaneously hate and feel a desperate need to make sex jokes about

Angry Jedi People

Probably some robots

Anakin hates sand and is pretty but grumpy. His hatred of sand is what will prevent him from finding Luke in the original movies. He falls in a volcano and gets turned into a robot man and it’s very dramatic. He has an angry red lightsaber. He murders a bunch of children by executing Order 66. Or maybe that was in the first set of movies I don’t know. I’m not sure how they made three of these movies, there doesn’t seem to be much to them.

Also there is something called ‘mitoclorians’ and I don’t know what they are but they make nerds Very Mad.

Expanded Universe

There was an expanded universe, but Disney said it wasn’t canon when they bought the rights, so now it isn’t. If I were a Star Wars fan, I would not take this lying down, because what right does Disney have to say what’s canon? Why is it up to the copyright holders? They are a corporation, not a writer. Expanded universes are always really fun and full of wacky nonsense that would never get put in the mainline stuff. I don’t like it when people try to dismiss them.

Stand Alone Movies

When the new trilogy started, they also made some stand alone films. They were called Rogue One and Solo. Rogue One is about a woman named Gin or Jinn or Jin or Ginne or - I wish I hadn’t restricted myself to not looking anything up - Urso. The spelling doesn’t matter because she dies. So does everyone else. Then Darth Vader shows up.

Solo is about Han Solo and his friends and they have an adventure and there’s a robot who wants robot rights but she dies so no one has to address the slavery thing. Also apparently it was going to be a comedy but got reshot as a drama. I hope I never watch it because that sounds terrible, even as much as I like Donald Glover who I think is in it probably. I think his character might have been in love with the dead robot.

Sequel Trilogy

These movies are about a girl called Rey. She makes nerds mad by existing and being the protagonist. She is Space British. She is a scavenger and is friends with a really cute little orange robot. Somehow she ends up in space. She starts hanging out with Older Leia’s crew, which include a pilot named Poe Dameron and a guy called Finn, but I don’t know why he’s there. People ship them with each other, and also with Rey.

The other person people ship Rey with is Kylo Ren, who I call Space Zuko because when I saw The Last Jedi, he showed up and I was like ‘oh, it’s Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender but in space’, because he has bad hair and is angry about his Daddy Issues. I hope in the next movie he gets better hair and fewer Daddy Issues like Real Zuko did. A lot of people get really angry about Rey and Space Zuko being shipped together, but they’re still the most popular ship on AO3. So no matter what happens in the next one, nerds are going to be mad about it, and I am not looking forward to it.

Kylo Ren killed his dad, Han Solo, because he was radicalised to be evil for reasons I don’t know. The guy who runs the New Evil Group, which is called the First Order, is an ugly CGI guy called Snoke. It was apparently a Big Twist that Kylo kills him Last Jedi, and it made nerds really mad. I don’t understand why people were surprised, because when I saw the movie, I saw that guy and was like ‘oh he’s gonna get killed by Space Zuko because that would be Drama and also from a production standpoint having a guy who needs lots of special effects is much more difficult than just having Adam Driver wear a scary mask’ and then I was right so maybe I’m smarter than all the nerds.

There is also a guy called Hux and he is a ginger. I think he is evil.

The other thing people got really mad about was that Rey’s parents were not established characters. People wanted her dad to be Luke, I think, who is in Last Jedi. I was happy about this because I like Mark Hamill. He spent the movie teaching her about the force while they hang out on an island with a race of merchandising opportunities called Porgs. He dies at the end but he might be in the next one as a ghost anyway.

Also there was a girl called Rose and people decided that not liking the character meant they could be mean to the actress, which is not true and everyone who was mean to her should be ashamed. There was another woman as well, but I don’t remember her name, she had purple hair and was serious and I have no idea if she was good or evil.

Kylo Ren’s real name is Ben which is not very sci-fi. Maybe that’s why he changed it.

Though come to think, Luke isn’t a very sci-fi name either.

Anyway, that’s everything I know about Star Wars.

Feel free to ask me questions about Star Wars and have me try to answer.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to actually explain Star Wars to me. I’m much happier as is, thank you very much

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