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#he said he thinks i have a good handle on my mental health
fuyuu-chan · 14 hours
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Hi bestie! You told me to drop in so here I am. I'm gonna leave a request while I'm at it hehe Hope you don't mind.
Can I request a Neuvillette fic inspired by Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero"? I particularly like the lyrics "Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me. At teatime, everybody agrees." It gives me the vibes of a reader who is shunned by society, y'know? Perfect for some angst if I do say so myself 🫣🫢
Anyways, do whatever fits your vibe. I just love the way you write our dear Iudex 🥰 No pressure though! If it's too much, then just consider this as me dropping in to say hello to you and your lovely readers. Have a good day!!!
Love,
Mayaree
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It's me. Hi. I'm the problem it's me :)
Fuyuu-chan: Hiiiii beshy hahahaha thanks for dropping in lol 😆🫶 also for being the first to request 😚
Pairing: Neuvillette x Reader
Summary: Everyone doesn't like you and thinks that you're not worthy for Neuvillette, and so they make fun of you, some even ignored you. By the way people in Fontaine treat you it makes you feel insecure and question your relationship with him.
Warning: Mention of break up, a bit of yandere ish at the end?? It might not look like it for some of y'all but just in caseee hehehehe (Not Proofread)
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The moment everyone in Fontaine knew about your relationship with Neuvillette would probably the worst thing that happened in your life, because of what people think about you, for not being worthy as the Ludex beloved partner.
And the worst part is that Neuvillette didn't know about any of this, they only talk about it when you're the only one around, when you're not with him. You consider to tell it to him but of course you don't want to bother him, especially since he's busy with his duties as the Chief of Justice.
Now, you got invited to one tea party held by one lady that has been "kind" to you, so of course you accepted it... 'I shouldn't had my hopes up, of course she is gonna be like the others' you thought. Who would've thought that she would be like that? She appeared to be kind to you the first time you met but when with everyone, with her friends and some other ladies, she had just embarrassed you.
She told everyone that (name) is just a common girl, basic, and compared to Neuvillette she's not on his level. She even told everyone that "She's just a problem to our dear Ludex, only a burden for him" she chuckles and everyone at that tea party laughed agreeing to what she said.
Feeling embarrassed, angered, saddened, you just excused yourself saying you'll go to the restroom but after you left you never came back but one thing's for sure, everyone hated you, talked behind your back while laughing. You can't handle it anymore, everyone is insulting you and the fact that you may be ruining Neuvillette's reputation, you feel furious but at the same time what can you do? I mean they're all right aren't they? You're just a problem.
Because of everyone saying things about you, spreading rumours around Fontaine, it's hard for you to go outside because once you do people would look at you and whisper to each other.
Some even threatened you, saying you should stay away from Neuvillette or you'll regret it. You thought it's probably just his admirers that's going way too far, but to be honest it's already affecting your mental health.
Well you did distance yourself from him, like when he ask you out like go to dinner, or have some date you would decline saying you have something to do or you're currently busy. But let's be honest you really wanted to spend time with him. He was at first: "It's alright, next time we could go." But as time pass he was getting worried and confused as to why you were not seeing him anymore.
Always rejecting him. 'What happened?' He thought. You two aren't like this in the past, you two would even date every time there's a free time like after work or weekends. But why are you distancing yourself from him?
This thoughts always bother Neuvillette and the way you act. And now he found himself walking towards your house to talk to you and ask you.
Once he arrives, he knocked on your door. It took you minute to open the door which definitely isn't like you at all since you always open the door immediately when it comes to him (he have like a pattern when he knocks at your door so you know it's him).
You were about to ask him but he just got in your house and closed the door. Now you two are just standing looking at each other, the air seems tense.
"...so uhhh...why did you come here?" You said finally breaking the silence.
"Am I not allowed to come here anymore?" He asked.
"That's not what I meant, what I mean is what's the reason for your sudden visit here?" You clarified.
"It's about you...us...why are you distancing yourself from me? What happened?" He asked.
"What do you mean?... I'm just busy that's why I can't really spend time with you..." You trail off hesitating.
"Don't lie (name)..." He said as he looked at you worried.
"Did I do something wrong that makes you distance yourself from me? If I did I'm sorry... but please tell me so I can fix it." Neuvillette asked as he looked at you in the eyes.
"You?.." you asked as you scoffed a bit. "No it's... it's me Neuvillette, I'm the problem..." You continued as you try not to tear up in front of him.
You can see how Neuvillette's furrow his eyebrows as he heard you speak.
"What? You're not the problem (name), what are you talking about?" He asked as he stepped closer to you.
"So you still don't know?" You asked.
"What do you mean?" He looked at you confused on what you mean.
"People in Fontaine don't like me, they hate me the moment they knew about us, they said I'm not worthy...for you... I'm just a problem...and a burden for you" you said as your voice is starting to break, you didn't even notice that you were now crying remembering everyone's word, insults, threats.
Neuvillette was speechless the moment those words left your mouth. How could he not know about any of this? Did all of the people hurt you like this everyday? He thought that everything was alright but it turns out it's not, how could he let this things happen to you?
Neuvillette wanted to comfort you but when he was about to approach you, you step back and said "I think we should... separate ways, I don't want you to get ruined or people thinking bad things about you because of me" you said as you try to look at him.
He stood there, frozen in his place. He was processing your words inside his head. "W-what?..." He finally get to asked after a few minutes.
"We should break up" you said.
"...But why?"
"Because of me...I was causing you problems, I might ruin your reputation in the future and I don't want that" you answered as you finally looked at him teary eyed.
Neuvillette then approached you as he pulls you closer to him, he held you in his arms. "(Name) please...I don't want to break up with you...Besides you're never a problem, people is just jealous of you and that's why they did that. Besides you will never ruin my reputation because when you came into my life, you taught me how to understand people, how to be considerate and many more. My reputation became much better with you."
You lean on him while you tear up, even if you don't want to but his warmth that enveloped you, you missed it.
"B-but.." you stutter.
"Sshh..." He hummed as he pat your back in order to comfort you just like what you did when he was crying. "I'm sorry I didn't know any of this, I'm sorry you have to go through all of that alone, I'm sorry that I turned a blind eye...and I'm sorry that I'm not there when you needed me the most." He apologized.
After you calmed down you replied to him. "...It's not your fault...so don't apologize" you sniffled as you finally looked at him for him to only wipe your tears away. "No love...it's my fault too for not knowing any of this, for not seeing how much you suffer everyday."
You kept silent as you just let him comfort you. Eventually you found yourself apologizing "I'm...sorry Neuvi...for saying we should break...up".
Neuvillette only shake his head "Its alright... I know you dont mean it, you might had said it but at that moment I can see in your eyes that you do not mean those words" he said as he smiled gently at you. "But...I hope to not hear those words again...I must say my heart ache when those words left your mouth." He continued as he looked a bit sad.
"I'm..sorry, its just that...that was the one I thought would be better for us..for you" you said as you looked down only for Neuvillette to grab your chin gently to make you look at him.
"Its alright...you dont mean that anyways right?" He asked and you nod and that was enough for him to smile again. "It's those people that made you think that...I cannot believe they had the audacity to say those vile things to my beloved, to my partner, who I love dearly from the bottom of my heart. I serve them for so many decades, I protected them yet they return all those things I did with this?" he said as he tucked your loose hair behind your ear. "They didn't even repsect the person I chose to be with me forever" he looked so mad that he let these things happen but you hugged him to calm him down a bit.
"What are you gonna do?" You asked while you lean onto his chest, he reciprocated your hug as he wrapped his arms around you waist.
"Don't worry love...I will handle it all...you just rest here and relax while I fix these, alright?" Neuvillette said as he rubbed your back. "It would also be nice if we could leave Fontaine for a few days to have your mind forget this for a while, don't you think?" He asked as he looked at you.
You hummed and nod. "I guess that would help...but how about your work?" You asked as you now looked at him to meet his gaze on you.
"I'll take a few days off, I'm pretty sure the others could handle the court for a while. Especially since there's no big cases as of now." He explained and that's enough for you to relax a bit.
You finally smiled and that made Neuvillette happy, seeing you smile again made his heart finally calm down and his mind to finally rest. For now he let himself relax on your warm embrace and for later...he would deal with those people that dare hurt his beloved (name).
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hazelfoureyes · 22 days
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A Doe in Fall (part 4)
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⟢HumanAlastor x FemaleBurlesquerReader - A Doe in Fall
Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦
Part 4 Enough
Alastor struggled with the prior expectations others had of him, but you eased them away with gentle hands. And to your great comfort, Tommy’s absence is noticed but not entirely shocking to anyone. With that concern behind him, finally, Alastor gives in to his own selfish wants and asks for your help with his “work.”
「Warnings/Promises: Human Alastor x Fem Burlesquer reader, No smut! No pussy eating! No fingering! It took away from the important events and Alastor’s mental health (I know he’s not real but he’s KINDA REAL?) so I didn’t include it. Next time! , Murder, dead bodies, allusions to bad things by bad men, Alastor has had bad times and will have bad times, bad kind of choking, domestic shit, Detective Brady, Obvious Sin」
You let Alastor start the shower, remembering people often complaining you turned it too hot. Stepping into the tub and drawing the curtain around, you told him to face the water so you could clean his back. It wasn’t dirty, you just wanted an excuse to touch and stare.
A moment of silence, you were a little scared to speak but had a question burning a hole in your pocket, “Do you like sex?” You ran the bar of soap down his back, no wash cloth in sight.
“It’s … pleasurable.”
Your mouth twisted, “I thought maybe…it didn’t work.”
He laughed, “You wouldn’t be the first. Works fine. I just don’t care to use it much. I don’t-“ a pause, he considered how to say it as he had never said it out loud before, “I don’t see the appeal, typically. There’s better ways to enjoy my time and chase pleasures than sweating over a stranger,” The word stranger floated in the air around you. Alastor felt the need to push it away, dispel it as quickly as he could, “Dancing is basically the same thing, which seems to be the issue with current society.”
“I can respect that. Well, I’m relieved you aren’t dependent on murder for an erection because I don’t think I can hide that many bodies.” A chuckle from him, but you grimaced. Not now, don’t joke now. Stop hiding from the uncomfortable vulnerability of blunt honesty. You were glad he couldn’t see your face, resting your head between his shoulder blades as you lazily washed his lower back and down, “Don’t push yourself. I know I’ve been-,”
“Affectionate?”
“Aggressive.” You winced, “your word is better. Just, I wont… I can't enjoy something you don’t want.” Your traced circles onto his skin, “I can't get my rocks off to someone’s bad time.” A smile you couldn’t see, small and warm. “I hope it’s obvious I won’t go anywhere.”
He laughed louder, offending you a little.
“Sorry, it’s just— yes that’s been made clear. I quite literally told you to stop following me and somehow here we are.” He looked over his shoulder at you and gestured for the soap. You shook your head no.
“Turn around.”
He paused.
“Not— not like that. Unless you want me to?” You would drop to your knees so fast you would damage the tub if he said yes.
“I’m good dear, thank you.”
The tub was safe.
You took your time, covering his chest in suds, his arms, his sides. You did get on your knees after all to wash his feet, his calves, his thighs. You stopped short of going any higher.
He looked down right bashful. It was so cute you wanted to shove your face into his crotch and scream. 
Alastor wasn’t used to people handling him. Not outside of uncomfortable situations. The order of events typically went as follows:
Date makes a move. Alastor politely redirects. Date gets annoyed because it’s not the first time he’s done this. Alastor offers other ways to please them, be it his hands or his mouth. They either get sad (‘You think I’m repulsive, don’t you?!’) or angry (‘What kind of man are you?’). 
If he didn’t find them worth the effort, he would simply end the date then and there. But if he liked them enough, enjoyed their company enough, needed them for some purpose enough, he would acquiesce. They would touch him, and he would react like the touch-me-not plant he used to harass as a child, moving without thought from the stimulation. And he’d think about more engaging things until he got them to  finish or he could say he did. 
And it would buy a little more time with good enough affection and good enough company and good enough reasons. 
Good enough. ‘Enough’ was right there in the phrase. 
And then it would repeat until someone gave up.
When he didn’t move or reply as your hands sat where his thighs met his hips, lost in some train of thought, you left it be and stood. Lathering your hands, “One spot left!”
He suddenly looked so tired, eyebrows rising as if to ask you ‘what’s that?’ yet the dullness of his eyes indicated he wasn’t actually asking. 
But like a fall from a mildly scary height into the sea, thrilling but safe, he tensed as your hands moved. When you began to wash his face, he hit the water feet first.  His shoulders noticeably relaxed, and you thought you saw his chin shake a little, but you let it go to rub circles on his cheeks. You got behind his ears and under his chin. You tried to make a mustache but the soap didn’t lather well enough for that.
“You’re not missing out. I don't look good in facial hair.” He said, and you believed it. 
You handed him the soap and let him finish cleaning himself, trying to steal looks without being too obvious. Making a mental note to yourself for every piece of him to compliment later when he was more comfortable.
It tickled when he washed you, those soft fingers making bubbles across your skin. The steam was dampening his hair. Ah, you just noticed he wasn’t wearing glasses.
“Can you see? Without the glasses?” He was down now, cleaning your already clean legs.
“Ah, well, no.”
You held up 7 fingers.
He squinted then made his eyes wide, “Hmm…. Two hands.” You pushed him down with your foot to his chest, him catching himself with his arm. “At least I didn’t say three, dear.” 
You play kicked, “Unfunny!”
When he laughed now he looked boyish. His laughter bright as a bell. It was so jarring that it made your subconscious remind you of the dead man lying in the other room. The juxtaposition impossible to ignore.
Alastor noticed the shift in the air, getting up and setting the soap down on the lip of the tub. His hands rubbed your cheeks, your chin, your nose.
“You can leave after you’re all cleaned and dressed.” He was looking at your nose as he spoke.
“I can do anything I damn well want.” Your eyes skirted around his face before making him meet your gaze, “Atleast to the car. Okay?” Suddenly insecure about how aggressive you were, “Please.” 
Alastor nodded, could he see your smile? You could see his.
It was unspoken, and somehow equally shocking as the night you grabbed a dead man by the legs, that you dressed each other. Domestic was the only word for it and it was downright frightening for you.
But your body didn’t stop, some magnets in your fingertips drawn to the buttons of his shirt, to the collar you adjusted, to his glasses that you rested on the bridge of his nose.
Alastor hadn’t any idea what he was doing, perhaps his mother had told him to do this and he had long forgotten it. Maybe he saw it in a movie. Or read it in a book. But gingerly, as you sat on a side of the bed away from Tommy, he knelt and rolled up your stockings, watching as you clipped them to the garter belt. He slipped on your shoes and took your hand to help you stand. As you put on your dress his hands took the buttons at the bottom and yours took the top, meeting in the center. His newly clean fingers straightened out the wrinkles.
He avoided looking you in the eyes, something heavy in the space between you two telling him the air might catch fire if he did. He didn’t know what that meant, and he had done enough new things for one evening. 
“Can I ask you something?” He took the twine that tied the clothes together and began looping it through eyelets in the canvas.
“Of course.” He could ask you anything, if you answered was still up in the air.
“Why did you work for a man like that?” Continuing to avoid your face, he busied himself with drawing the sides and corners of the canvas up like a giant sachet.
A good question. One you would think he’d have asked before the murder. “He wasn’t like that before. This whole… thing was a recent shift. I know it was gambling but I think he was getting into some hard drugs too. His behavior had just gotten erratic.”
He tied the twine tightly, “It seemed impulse control was an issue for him, given his brief conversation with me. This-,” he pointed at you, suddenly full of passion again, “This is what I meant. I don’t talk to men for long. What a terrible conversation that was.” You fought back a smile. “Was he bragging? You wouldn’t believe the number of men— well I suppose yes you would.” He pushed up his sleeves and held them in place with arm bands, “If that is the typical sexual tendencies of men then I’m glad to see I evolved past it.” Alastor was spewing a stream of consciousness that even you could tell was out of character. 
Or perhaps, “I have a feeling you’d be saying all this if I were here or not.” You stared down at the canvas bundle.
That smile again, “Normally it’s under my breath but— they don’t seem to mind!” He gave the bundle a tug, checking for the sturdiness of the twine.“So, usually I do this closer to the car…” 
It was unladylike and you loved it, legs open wide as you lifted your half of the bloody package. You lumbered down the tight stairwell as he went backwards, insisting it was the gentlemanly thing to do. There was a moment you were alone at the bottom of the stairs as Alastor brought the car around. You gave the body a little kick, “Why’d you have to go and be such an ass?” Mumbled under your breath like a professional.
As you both stood there, trunk full of Tommy between you, you were unaware of what little wildfires you’d set off in the other.
Alastor felt his stomach flipping, an impulse to grab your face with both hands and kiss you making his fingers tap the roof of the car. He was worried if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop. An issue he had never had before, but it still felt like an issue nonetheless. It was, wasn’t it? An issue?
Something in you felt like the good wife in the doorway, waving your darling off to work in the morning. Wanting to plant a kiss on his cheek and straighten his bow tie. If you’d seen a neighbor do it you’d roll your eyes and fake a gag, but you wanted to give it to him. You wanted to give him consistent adoration he could rely on and that was the only example you could think of. A nervous hand considered clawing the feeling out of your chest entirely.
You both decided to play it cool,  Alastor dialling back the urge and planting a single kiss to your nose. You hummed, “If anyone asks…”
“You saw Tommy take the cash and leave.” Alastor said quickly, so confident you could believe maybe you had.
You nodded. Biting your bottom lip you stopped the urge to offer more help. Trust needed to exist that he’d ask for it if he wanted to. 
Maybe your face was losing its skill, mask dissolving under the events of the night, because a grin spread across his face, “Baby steps.”
Always scared of letting him slip through your fingers, you tried to hide how badly you needed another date to look forward to. Pursing your lips, “Speaking of, we’ve checked off public acts of indecency, a dance hall romp, and now some gentle sex near a formerly living man. Would you like to get coffee this week?”
“In the daytime?” False incredulity
“Fully clothed.” You added.
If he hadn’t stifled his laughter, it could have been dangerous, “Scandalous.” A small panic, he hadn’t actually agreed yet. An unfamiliar feeling of insecurity came down on you like a mistimed curtain fall. 
“I’ll need a few days…Saturday, at ten, the little cafe at the west entrance of our favorite park?”
Our. Your knees buckled a little. 
“Sounds positively deviant. I’ll be there with bells on.” Why was your heart pounding now. Why now?
“It’s a date then.” A kiss to your cheek, he tensed, holding back. “Can I drive you home?,” it was spoken into your skin. His lips not leaving your face. 
“I have to go back in. Tell everyone how much of an ass Tommy is for leaving me all alone with that wealthy bore.” Your cheek leaned into his kiss. His lips dragged across your skin to find your mouth, still open.
He exhaled, shakey and slow. Your eyes saw something new; dilated pupils staring down at you. A heat was pooling in your lap again, never so receptive to a pair of eyes before.
“Should I come back?” He knew he shouldn’t.
Luckily so did you. “You know I’m not far from here. Just get home, or wherever you're going, safely.” He finally let his mouth capture yours, his hands roaming the soft fabric of your dress. Red, smooth, warm. You broke away, pulling from some well of strength you didn’t know you had, “If the girls see— there’s no motive quite like a jealous man.”
That grin erupted, beaming a toothy smile that warmed you to your core, “Endlessly fascinating.” His fingers lingered on you until they were pulled away by the limits of his reach, him backing up to the car door, “Be safe. Good night.”
Your legs crossed one in front of the other, had a man ever considered your safety enough to say it out loud? Without adding some patronizing addition like “little lady” or “pretty thing” to it that felt more like an admission of intent? “Good night.”
Alastor rode home in silence, sometimes so lost in thought he would snap back to reality and realize he had no idea how long he had been driving. It would take a second but he would confirm he was still on the right path. 
It was too soon to bring you to his home. He knew that was a logical statement. However, every other part of him wanted to carry you over his shoulder into his house and show you around, excited to hear your responses to the details of his safe harbor. He could cook for you. You two could push the sofa back and dance in the sitting room. The back porch was lovely for early morning reading.
An incorporeal pain tore through his stomach. 
Hands gripping the steering wheel, bright eyes popping up from the tall grass as he rumbled past. 
He was getting ahead of himself again. All of the idioms he was taught were going up in flames. 
‘Don’t put the cart before the horse.’
Unfortunately he had guilded the cart as well, so weighted with the gold of his hopes he was worried the axis would snap.
‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’ 
He had saddled you with an entire coop of his joy. Unfair and unwise.
‘Pearls before swine’
He was, like many men, reduced to a greedy mouthed animal at your feet, incapable of appreciating your attention as it should be. But he didn’t want you to stop. Perhaps a pig could learn?
So much for evolved. 
As he pulled into the dirt driveway of what was his father’s home, then his mother’s home, now his own, he wondered what your first thoughts would be. Would you like it? Were you expecting something grander? Something shiny and new? 
When he was backed up to the greenhouse he rested his head against the steering wheel. 
The smell of the soap was heating up with his thoughts, remembering your hands. You smelled the same now tonight, the same soap. What an intimate thing to share. Could he ever hope to share such things with someone, or was it foolish to spend time thinking about it? 
Alastor would give nearly anything to share a set of plates with someone gentle, to have a set of hand towels in the bathroom for himself and someone patient, to warm two mugs in the morning with coffee for himself and someone understanding.
A secret little dream he threw away shortly after entering adulthood. Which was fine for him. If having those niceties meant having to fake that a part of himself mattered more than it did, he didn’t want them. Not that much. He was already putting on a show outside, he couldn’t bring the audience into his home. His mother’s home. 
As he grappled with Tommy’s impromptu shroud, he considered his outward image. 
He was proud of it. He chose to have it, it was a tool that got him far in life and elevated his status. No qualms. Just, when you expect to do something all of your life alone, it’s foundation shaking to learn perhaps you didn’t have to.
He had convinced himself he preferred to be alone. But now it seemed maybe he had been lying to himself. At some point he confused accepting a situation with preferring it. 
He stared down at Tommy’s pale face, clothes dirty and body stiffening on the metal work station of the greenhouse. He probably would never have learned about Tommy if not for you. No rumors or whispers or warnings about a theater manager abusing the artists in his employ were floating around.
Again, he felt his chest tightening. It didn’t matter if he had had the man already in his sights or not. He would have killed him. Alastor ran his hands through his hair. Would you have stopped him, would he have let you, if you swore Tommy didn’t deserve to die?
No. A silly rhetorical. Had you begged on your knees with tear stained eyes he’d have kissed your cheeks and said whatever you asked to hear. And then he would wait for Tommy to be alone in a dark place like he did the others. And he would avoid looking you in the eye for as long as he had to, until you forgot about the former employer.
With a single and soft clap of his hands he shut his mind off and went about his work. Now wasn't the time for questions and what-ifs. He needed to make Tommy disappear as soon as possible. He didn’t usually kill so close together in time. A brief thought slipped through the cracks of his walls, This would be easier with help. 
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No one noticed Tommy was missing until the following night. But given he’d gotten a considerable payday Monday the staff just assumed he was off snorting his profits. 
It wasn’t until Wednesday morning did police come by, Tommy’s mother having called in a missing person’s report.
You heard the girls speaking to the detective outside the dressing room before rehearsals. 
“This is typical Tommy.”
“He’s been dabbling into some heavy stuff.”
“You didn’t hear it from me, but! I heard he got,” you couldn’t see what she was doing, “ya know?”
When the detective looked into the dressing room and asked who he hadn’t spoken with, your eyes met in the mirror, recognition painting his face. 
“Detective Brady! The assistant manager can talk now.” Someone called from down the hall. You continued covering your bruises, hoping he hadn’t noticed them. With a pat to the door frame, metal ring clinking, he left.
He didn’t have time to speak with all of you before it was doors open and left before the show began. As soon as you got home you fished around in your key bowl for the crinkled card.
You dropped it back in, hands coming to your face. Of course. Why would it be any other man?
Deep breathes. It isn’t strange he ran into you before, you worked and lived in the area. He probably handed that card to every woman he passed at night. 
Slow breathes. The girls did the legwork, just follow suit. You were a single woman. No one would suspect you of anything unless they found a smoking gun under your pillow. Even then, if you could bat your eyelashes enough and find a  dainty enough cross necklace you could beat any rap. 
All you wanted now was to see Alastor and tell him. Three more days.
Surprisingly, the theater ran perfectly smoothly without Tommy. James, the assistant, stepped up and everything carried on as usual. The detective didn’t come back, either. Rumor in the dressing room was that Tommy had been an open-and-close case of bad decisions leading to bad outcomes.
There was a sadness at the theater regardless, no one having heard any news. He had wandered off before but he always returned in time for the big weekend shows. But Friday night came and went and Tommy never showed. Which for you was expected, but the other staff seemed worried. The girls, not so much. 
You weren’t as scared as you had thought you’d be. For yourself, atleast. You would rather die than let Alastor be found out because of you. Maybe he would have advice to ease you. Even if he didn’t, you’d be comforted getting him up to speed.
Knowing you’d see Alastor soon was like knowing when the next big rain was coming. You spent all week planning your time around it. 
Except for the small detail that you hadn’t actually known where the west entrance was to the park, or even that the gates had names. But you found it easily enough. As you approached you could see him waiting, a blue suit without the jacket, was there a color he wouldn’t look charming in? 
No. Silly questions seemed to be in the air lately.
You slowed as you approached, him hearing the click of your shoes and turning before you could gather your thoughts. This was the first time to see him in the daylight. 
His mouth was moving but you didn’t hear anything, brain short circuiting. His hair looked so much brighter in the sunlight, sun passing through brown locks. You could see his eyes looking at you, brows rising as he questioned something, but your thoughts were arrested by the color of the gaze you’d spent weeks trying to get into the focus of; a bright honey brown that seemed to shimmer. A little pop of light bounced off a button of his vest, his smile gleamed as he leaned towards you.
Run. You had no business here. A possibly soon-to-be criminalized dancer and him. You should have worn a better dress. Should have gotten your hair done. Should have better.
Alastor couldn’t figure out what your face was saying. He was proficient in reading the expressions of others, in discerning the changes in the air of any given room, but this… he couldn’t place. Your eyes were wide, smile taut and flat as you took a step backward. His hand reached out to stabilize you, your heel catching on the uneven pavement of the lesser cared for wards of the city.
“What’s wrong?” His smile softened. 
You spoke without thinking, something you never did, “You’re too beautiful. I should go.” Your attempt to turn away only half in jest. His bright laugh rang out, melting the muscles of your legs. 
“That’s a new one.” His fingers lingered on your arm, “You can pick a seat, I’ll grab coffee. No staff on the patio.”
Considering fleeing still, you thought about how sad he would be standing there with two coffees in his hands. The weather was quickly cooling, but in the early sun the outdoor seating was perfect for a coffee date. 
Shaking off the nerves, you tried to get a fucking grip. You adored your physical form, you had no issues thinking you deserved whatever you wanted to have. But, well, it was like he was glowing from the inside out. Even his skin seemed to catch the light. There was that quick heart beat again. You looked through the glass front, Alastor in line. If you had gone through with the plan to rob him, and had he returned in the daylight to argue with you… you’d have just handed back his wallet and maybe even your own. 
The least attractive thing about him was his money, strange considering it was normally the most important thing a man had in his pocket for you. 
Did he know? That you had been-
“Autumn, was it?”
You heard something in your neck pop as your head spun toward the voice. The color left your face, you stood so quickly you almost knocked the chair over.
“Detective! What a blessing!” Your hands were trembling as you reached out for one of his with both of yours, “You’ve been on my mind lately.”
The detective, tall and lean, eyes a striking cool blue and hair the color of wheat, removed his hat. “Oh?”
“Yes. I never got a chance to thank you for saving me last week. That man was just not taking no for an answer.” You took several steps to the left, making his back turn towards the cafe doors. 
“I thought maybe you’d been cross with me. You ran off like-.”
“I was just nervous. I didn’t know if you were for real or just another trickster trying to get a lady alone.” You stared at his eyes, trying to keep him focused on you. 
“Ah, well, you had good reason to be. Lucky coincidence seeing you here.” He set his hat under his arm, “I was just headed to your manager’s mother’s home.”
Your eyes flitted to the counter, back to Brady. “Oh? Is…is it bad news, sir?” 
“Not a trace of the man. But, that isn’t uncommon down here I suppose.” The detective sat down at the table you’d been at….you stayed standing. He motioned for you to take a seat, “That being said, I don’t think Tommy just wandered off with some cash.”
Were you wearing your perspiration pads under your dress? You think you were. If not, maybe you could just spill water on yourself and say it was a stain. Stiff, you took a seat. 
“I was hoping to interview the rest of you ladies. I was going to stop by tomorrow but, if you have a moment, what can you tell me about him?” His eyes looked like ice, their effect similar as a chill ran down your spine. 
“Well, oh geez… I don’t want to speak ill of anyone, ever.” Your hard learned skills were coming back to you. Your hands came together to shyly fidget with each other. 
“Consider it a help to the police, no worries ma’am.”
“Miss.” You corrected, that practiced smile small and chaste, “I’m not married, sir. As you can imagine, in my profession, it is very hard to come by good, honest men.”
A chuckle, he put his hat down on the table. Fuck. Fuck! 
“But, uh, yes. I can tell you quite a bit. Tommy was a fine man. For awhile. He was very respectful to us. A clean and tight ship.” You saw the door open behind him, Alastor using his back as his hands were full. “But, the last three months or so, he started getting mean.” You leaned forward, putting your left hand on Brady’s that rested on his hat. Your right hand slipped to the side and under the table, waving frantically to Alastor to turn back around.
Without question he swiveled on his heels, sitting down at another empty table near the cafe doors with his back to you.
You gripped his hand and the hat with one motion, and set it back on his head, “If he saw me talking to a flat foot��it could be a lot of trouble. Maybe we should speak privately.”
Why were you incapable of finding a balance between honey and venom? Your words came out too sweet, voice dipping into the tone you reserved for marks.
“Ah, well…Miss Autumn-,” Brady shifted in his seat.
You stood up, slapping his shoulder, “I meant the theater! Sir!”
He flustered, shaking his head and standing too, “I didn’t say anything!” His nervous laughter eased you, walking further from the table so he would follow. “Well, I’ll be by tomorrow. Maybe we can finish this conversation.“
A nod, not at all intending to tell him you didn’t work Sundays, “That sounds good. Anything I can do to help. But really, I expect Tommy will show up as soon as the cash runs dry.”
With a tip of the hat, he walked off to bring bad news somewhere else. 
You waited a moment before moving to the seat across Alastor. You thought your bones had turned to jelly, “Thanks for the rerouting. Was I obviously rattled?” You were mortified.
“No, not at all!” Alastor set the cup in front of you. “A former beau?”
You shook your head, “Worse. Detective Brady back there came by the theater this week, but didn’t have time to speak to me. Just so happened to see me now on his way to Tommy’s mom. Actually, that was something I wanted to tell you. I’ve met him before.”
His brows rose, blowing slightly on the coffee, “Oh? A patron of your theater?”
“No. That night with Legs. He stopped me a quite a few blocks before I found you. Gave me his card and a warning about missing people and something about little ladies being out at night.”
Alastor nodded, unphazed.
“Should I be worried? Because I’m worried.” You couldn’t even touch your drink, stomach in knots. He smiled, breaking the spell Brady had cast over you.
“Without a body there is no proof anyone is dead. That’s all that matters.” Alastor was cocky, leaning back in his chair with a far too relaxed demeanor.
You hadn’t realized your shoulders were so tight, “Sorry for shooing you away. I just got so scared! If he knows I,” You caught yourself, face going red as you corrected, “thought I had a guy, it could put you under a spotlight.”
His hand came over and gently rubbed your open palm with his thumb, “You’re right. That was smart, thank you.” Alastor smiled brighter, “Now! Let’s put that behind us. I don’t have a terribly long time. There’s a couple things to discuss. Most importantly,” he leaned over the table, face serious, “You think I’m beautiful?”
You kicked at his shin under the table, “My heart nearly stopped! I thought it was something important! Unfunny!”
A snicker, “Cruel?”
You nodded, “Very!”
It was by most people standards a normal date. It only strayed from mundane when Alastor walked you home and asked if you had any nightmares about Tommy. 
When you told him you hadn’t slept that well in weeks, and thanked him softly for his affection as you felt that had something to do with it, he hummed happily. He offered you his home phone number, you gesturing to the phone box at the corner in return. 
The nights were busy, so you often spoke in the mornings before his work. You’d made somewhat of a schedule, waiting in the booth around when you knew he was up and settling with coffee. He’d call, you’d ramble about your evening and what wild thing happened. Luckily the detective never returned after his Sunday visit so your stories were just fun and lighthearted. His laughter sounded so good over the staticy phone line. He would tell you about his work, about the bands he had the pleasure of hearing. New Orleans was the undisputed mother of jazz, and it showed in the fervor of his audience. It wasn’t uncommon he was busy keeping up with demand for more big and new sounds. 
While you enjoyed every opportunity to see him, be it coffee at a different cafe than the first or a walk around forested areas you knew were of use to him, the calls were nice. It allowed you to enjoy him without worrying about putting any undue pressure on him. You could twirl your phone cord and bite your lip without concern.
But finally, the moment you’d been waiting for. You called Alastor and he sounded tense, like he hadn’t slept. With a simple “What’s wrong?”, he asked if you’d want to help him with work.
The first one was almost too easy. Alastor had you wait at a bar where a man he clued you in on frequented. A staff member of his station had missed work for several days, supposedly sick. Alastor got the real story from eavesdropping on the ladies at lunch. The man, Mr. A. Wellington, was next. After watching and waiting, Alastor knew the man’s patterns well enough. Including you was a risk, but he had been fighting the urge to ask you for so long now. This one seemed it would be cut and dry. 
All it took was a smirk, a well placed hand, a laugh. The man practically pushed you down the back stairs of the bar and out through the doors that led to the service street. So engrossed in ignoring your suggestion of slowing down, he didn’t hear or see Alastor standing feet beside you both. 
The look of betrayal on the man’s face as his eyes flew from Alastor back to you increased Alastor’s high was three fold. He asked the man, already too gone to reply, if he remembered his staffer. “You should. She’ll always remember you.” 
You leaned against the door that led back to the hotel bar. Your eyes and ears were open for any unwanted company, any possible danger. Other than your own little madman. Alastor took this one personally, you could tell by how much messier he was than the first two.
While he didn’t explicitly state his code of ethics for selecting “victims”, you had picked up on the pattern. A man who assaulted a young woman, a wife beater, a violent segregationist. 
Was he really doing bad things? You found it hard to pity any of them.
Once the messy part was done you’d help get the man, as it always had been so far, into the trunk. You’d share a few kisses and clean the scene before being driven home, where you’d share a few more. Your favorite part, by far.  And after you waved, he’d drive off to wherever he went with the dead men. 
But one night was atypical. One night was downright horrible.
You lured a man into a large park beside the water. A part of you almost felt bad, as he sweetly held your hand. He had been a perfect gentleman, you seducing him at a dance hall. Alastor had warned you he was dangerous, but you wondered for a second if he was Dangerous or dangerous. Like Alastor-dangerous.
You found your answer when the man smiled down at you, telling you how beautiful you looked in the starlight, how you’d stay so beautiful forever, and wrapped his hands around your neck. Capital “D” Dangerous. 
The man was knocked off balance by Alastor tackling him from the side. You all three fell into the dirt and grass. The wind was forced out of you from the impact, your hands failing to get traction as you tried to sit up. The ground was slick with mud from recent rains flooding the rivers. Hurricane season was already in full swing.
The man wasn’t huge, but he was larger than Alastor. You watched the men struggle, slippery ground complicating Alastor’s attempts to stay upright as he straddled the man, and he couldn’t get leverage enough to bring down the knife. Horrified, you sat on your legs feeling helpless as the man lifted himself and Alastor off the ground entirely and tossed him onto his back. A small cry, Alastor rolled away revealing a rock where his back had landed.
The man only needed one of his large hands to wrap around Alastor’s throat but he used two for the fun of it. Your shoes slipped off as you struggled to get to your feet like a baby deer newly introduced to the world. Everything was wet and spinning, your lungs were burning. 
Alastor didn’t feel scared as his vision went black, just annoyed he had fucked up.
Even that feeling washed away as a grayness flooded into his consciousness. Everything lost color, flavor, texture. All urgency inked out. 
Before everything slipped away, before he slipped under, he thought he heard his mother calling his name.
He thought he heard you scream. 
Part 5 is halfway done 👌
༻Masterlist༺
∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):
@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,
@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine
@looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha
🏹Alastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan
@faeoffaith ,
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illdothehotvoice · 2 years
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okay after much debate with myself i think i’m okay to post art again actually dgfhjbsafghjd I think i just needed a couple days to not draw and refocus on stuff rwtuihweirtfghuyfg
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ineffable-suffering · 6 months
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INEFFABLE META MASTERPOST
Because I'm slowly losing count and need to organize. So, here's all my self-written metas or ones that I reblogged with my own added theories and commentary! In rainbow colours, naturally.
1 – Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why. My most lengthy and proudest meta about the Final Fifteen and why I think Aziraphale lied on purpose. (Also: The absolute darling @esthermitchell-author bravely fought their way through it and wrote up some more interesting points and different takes on what I came up with. If you want to go down a S2 rabbit hole with us, go read it here.)
2 – Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator (links below) A three-part meta in which I try to analyse and explain that all of the minisodes in Season 2 are not objective narrations but actually Aziraphale's memories.
Part 1: The Story of Job
Part 2: The Story of wee Morag
Part 3: The Story of the Magic Show in 1941
3 – The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie A meta in which I go into unnecessarily great detail about how the Whickber Street Meeting Cotillion Ball was meant to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley.
4 – Crowley & Aziraphale were never free (reblog) A reblog of @baggvinshield's post in which I explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.
5 – In Defense of Aziraphale (double reblog) A double try at explaining why I think Aziraphale's POV in the Final Fifteen is just as horrible as Crowley's and why I don't think him "choosing" to go back to Heaven was the only point of his character journey.
6 – The Art of Miscommunication: Ineffable Edition A meta in which i once again explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.
7– Season 2 Bookshop Shot Meta A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a single bookshop frame in Season 2.
8 – What if it wasn't Aziraphale and Crowley who performed the 25 Lazarii miracle? A mini-meta in which I propose the theory that Jimbriel helped with the miracle to hide himself away from Heaven & Hell.
9 – Things in Good Omens Season 2 I still find weird (reblog) A reblog of @ok-sims and many other great OPs' thoughts on the weird loose strings in Season 2 and what unanswered questions I still have myself.
10 – The Deleted Bookshop Scene (reblog) A reblog of @skirtdyke's video and @i-only-ever-asked-questions' smart thoughts on it, with my own overly-excited 'what that could have meant for the "It's too late" line'-theroy.
11 – The Bentley Handle Easter Egg A meta I can proudly say has been liked by none other than Mr. Neil Gaiman himself about Crowley's Bentley handle that might have existed before the Bentley ever did.
12 – The F*cking Eccles Cakes A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a pastry. (Addendum: People said very smart things in the comments of the post!)
14 – Re: "You go too fast for me, Crowley" A meta in which I make myself sad by connecting that infamous line to Aziraphale assuming Crowley wanted the Holy Water as a suicide pill.
13 – Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles A meta on why Crowley treats his plants the way that he does.
14 – Demonic Mental Health Awareness Post In which I talk about why I want to get Crowley a therapy voucher.
15 – The Curious Incident of The Flaming Sword in Good Omens A meta on why the Flaming Sword has no deeper meaning. Or does it? (Updated: here's a reblog from @queerfables who did a wonderfully exellent job at calmly explaining all the swordy questions I was yelling about! Consider this meta solved.)
16 – Ceci n'est pas une plume A meta in which I'm a bit of a nerd for language and also explain why learning French and magic the human way says so much about Aziraphale as a character.
17 – The meaning of "I forgive you" A meta in which I explain what both "I forgive you"s mean and why Aziraphale will always fight for what is right until he wins. Also, the lovely @sharksbeerr translated it to Chinese on Weibo!
18 – Memory, or the lack thereof, in Season 2 A little reblog on how memory is a big and unresolved, leaky-bucket theme in Season 2.
Addendum:
The one non-spoiler-y ask I could come up with about S2 that was actually answered by Neil, yay!
Also, this wholesome little post I added to that Mr. Gaiman also reblogged. :‘)
*** This is a work in progress and will get updated every time I post a new meta! ***
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bunniekittiee · 6 months
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Bi-Han x Fem. Reader (as well as general headcanons)
Alright alright the Bi-Han headcanons was a success so ykw I’ll bless you all again. Also this is my depiction of Bi-Han so if you think I can tweak it and make it better then by all means let me know!
CW: mentions of eating problems, anxiety, illness, chronic illness, a little nsfw, nothing too crazy
Hair combing is an intimate ordeal.
He does not let anyone else touch his hair besides himself and you. He trusts you completely to comb his hair and even put it up for him.
He thinks you do it better than him, but he can manage it himself if needed.
He sighs with relief when his hair is let down, feeling his s/o’s fingers gently massage his aching scalp. It feels so good to him, he loves it.
Bi-Han does like the quietness. Especially after a long day of Grandmaster duties and irritation.
So if it is quiet during this time, he can close his eyes and almost fall asleep as you caress his hair and take care of him.
Sometimes he has fallen asleep when you are doing this.
If you were to ask Bi-Han to bathe together, he would silently go insane for a second and then agree.
Despite seeing you naked more than often, it still gives him butterflies in different scenarios that isn’t inherently sexual. Such as bathing.
He thinks you are beautiful, do not ever be negative about yourself around Bi-Han because he will immediately worry.
If you are worried about gaining weight, he is already overthinking that you will stop eating.
So instead, Bi-Han gently encourages you to train with the other Lin Kuei if you feel that you want to lose weight or prevent yourself from gaining weight.
No, he does not think you are fat at all, do not twist his words.
But Bi-Han is the type of man to give you solutions to help you but not in a rude way.
He just tries to encourage and give you options.
He will also suggest yoga with Kuai Liang. Kuai Liang usually meditates, but he will divulge himself in yoga for you if you are interested.
He does not like to see you sad or upset about your self image. It makes him feel helpless.
Bi-Han can handle a physical threat because he can eliminate it, but when it is a mental threat such as self image issues, depression, etc., Bi-Han finds himself unable to see straight.
Out of his brothers, I see Bi-Han struggling with some anxiety.
Like I said in my previous headcanons, Bi-Han worries for his s/o because she is his weakness. If anyone were to take her away from him, he would practically engulf everything in a blizzard.
I see Bi-Han having anxiety about his brothers as well, whether they are safe or going to be okay.
As much as Bi-Han shuns Smoke, he still worries for him. Smoke is the ‘baby’ of them all, and if he were to see him in any form of pain, he is already wanting to murder the person who inflicted it upon him.
That being said, if you have any sort of health issues that will literally send Bi-Han over the edge.
He is constantly having the medics check you over and he will be riddled with so much anxiety he will stop eating and sleeping well.
God forbid you have a chronic illness or anything at all, at that point Bi-Han will just have an aneurysm.
As tough as his exterior is, Bi-Han can be sensitive.
Please do not call him names, he doesn’t even do that to you and it will hurt his feelings.
He will distance himself and feel melancholy until you apologize. He doesn’t like it when you are rude or mean to him.
As I mentioned in my other previous headcanons, he does get snappy himself so he knows that he is a bit of a hypocrite.
If you were to communicate your feelings to him, whether it is your frustrations, sadness, or anger, he will understand and try his best to relax you and make you feel better.
You do the same for him, so it’s time that he repays that favor.
Bi-Han can be extremely busy with his duties and he knows you hate being cooped up for so long.
So he will allow Smoke and Kuai Liang to take you out, whether that’s for a walk or to Madame Bo’s, Bi-Han just wants to make sure you are happy.
I don’t know where people got the “jealous of my brothers being around my s/o” belief from, but Bi-Han trusts his brothers completely.
He has to, they go into battle and on quests together, they have to deeply trust each other and have a strong bond with one another.
So he lets his brothers take you out, he does not get jealous of that. They would never do anything to you, and Bi-Han knows it is completely out of character for them to do anything in the first place.
So yes, he lets you go out with his brothers and enjoy your time together when he is busy.
Again, he knows you get cooped up and he wants you to have some freedom.
His brothers love that you have somewhat changed Bi-Han but in a good way.
He is somewhat nicer to Smoke and refrains from telling him he is not part of their family. Last time he did, you gave him the absolute worst glare that even Kuai Liang felt his stomach turn.
Bi-Han is gentle as possible with you. His hands have killed and hurt many, he would hate to inflict the same pain on you.
You are like a flower to him, a delicate and precious lively being.
You have softened Bi-Han in many ways, and many appreciate what you have done.
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favcharacterpoll · 7 months
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ROUND 6 MATCH 3: CECIL VS. C!WILBUR
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Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale faces c!Wilbur from the dsmp. @10piecechickenmcnugget get over here sage
Cecil Propaganda:
"Cecil is not only the Tumblr sexyman, he is the first gay protagonist of a podcast that most of us have ever heard. From the very first episode he was unashamedly queer and no one has ever called him out or given him shit for being gay. He is a gay Jewish fashion disaster who is the mouthpiece for an incredibly bizarre town and plays the whole “this horrifying thing is completely normal”thing so well. If Cecil wasn’t there, I think a lot of people wouldn’t have felt so accepted for just being who they were. Cecil is an inspiration and the queer podcast rep we all deserved as we were growing."
"he’s gay. he’s a dilf. he’s ageless. he has been since there’s was nothing and he’s still here after the world ended. he can summon music. his mother is a oracle his father is a tree. his cat is a man who got cursed and also has wings a stinger and poison??? he thinks a tutu and crocs is formal wear and has talked to god and she said ‘I love you. I’m sorry’. he’s definitely guilty of manslaughter from negligence"
"this is the website Night Vale built!"
c!Wilbur Propaganda:
"Accurate depiction of mental health and spiral, handled delicately and deliberately, every piece of his story was thought and planned and in the end he went home to Utah. Thank you lord."
"Please don’t let the name dream smp effect how you feel about this submission, this character is completely unrelated to dream and I’m pretty sure the person who played him has nothing to do with dream anymore. This man single handedly got me through a horrible patch filled with extreme paranoia by also being extremely paranoid. Genuinely really helped me feel seen and I coped a lot by getting invested in this character. I almost cried when he died :("
"He’s so fucking stupid. I could infodump for hours this man transed my gender. Everything has gone wrong in his life. He’s the definition of a bisexual disaster."
"I didn’t fail 10th grade math bc I was thinking about c!wilbur for him to lose round one"
"I mean look at him!! his Minecraft skin is adorable!!!"
"if you people vote for cwilbur i'll draw him in a bikini."
"A VOTE FOR C!WILBUR IS A VOTE FOR GIRLBOYS EVERYWHERE"
"i should not have underestimated minecraft fans they came together"
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"Season 1 changed me. I didn’t know minecraft videos could have good acting, dramatic plots, etc. Wilbur was one of the best there. His plot was so interesting with the L’Manburg and the unfinished symphony arcs. He was funny, dramatic, sad… I fondly remember my dsmp days (though I only saw up to like part of Tommy’s exile)"
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melodygatesauthor · 8 months
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Always Yours, Never Mine
Yandere Miguel O'Hara X f!Reader
Universe Three - The Therapist
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Series Masterlist - Beta Read by @campingwiththecharmings
Summary
Summary: I arrived in a different universe, and in this one you’re a therapist. I saw your name on one of the doors when the orderlies were dragging me down the hall to a cell. I guess luck was on my side, I wouldn’t have to search very far for you this time, not that I would’ve been given a chance anyway. When the orderlies saw me, I think I scared them and they thought I was delusional. They took my watch, I’ll have to get that back…but I have to find you first.
Tags/Warnings
NSFW, dub-con due to identity issues, non-con, rape, More tags on the masterlist.
Word Count: 3.8k
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It was a morning like every other.
You pulled into the parking lot of the Lennox House for the Mentally Insane, coffee in hand, ready to start your day. You loved your job as a therapist, especially when you felt like everything was in order. You had a good handle on your patients, all of them making good progress on their goals; nothing felt more rewarding as a mental health provider.
But you weren’t prepared for the wrench the unsuspecting six foot nine man was about to throw your way.
You wondered if your success was the reason you were assigned the new and highly delusional patient. After getting into your office and pulling out his nearly empty file, you looked at him from across your desk, his eyes calm, but unsettlingly trained on you. He had a slight smirk curling at the corners of his lips, as though he were trying to appear less intimidating. His size alone was enough to make any sane person quiver. He didn’t even try to tug on his restraints though, and that put you a little more at ease.
“Miguel O’Hara…” you said, closing the thin manila folder in front of you. “It’s nice to meet you I’m–”
“I know your name.”
Miguel sat, strapped uselessly to the wheelchair the orderlies had brought him in. He knew he could rip the restraints off at any given moment, but when he’d heard he was being assigned to you as his therapist, he decided to behave. He needed to see you; he needed to talk to you.
This was a change of pace. In his universe, you were a graphic designer. It was something you’d always enjoyed. In the second one, despite working at a coffee shop, you still seemed to have a hobby of creating artwork for some side income. Now you were a therapist. It was unexpected, but in the multiverse, anything was possible. Miguel was just glad that it seemed like in this universe, you’d never met him before, making this a lot easier - he didn’t have to worry about eliminating his alternate -.
“The orderlies said that you were wandering the halls when they found you? They said that when you saw my name you specifically asked for me to treat you. Why?” You crossed your legs and narrowed your eyes at the man.
You were careful while talking to this one. He was massive in size, not only in his height, but this man wasn’t skipping arm day, that’s for sure. You trusted him, despite being told not to trust patients - they can be manipulative - but you knew he was strong enough to rip his arms from the restraints at any given moment, and yet he sat there. To say you were intrigued was an understatement. Who was this man? And how did he know you?
After wasting so much time in the last universe, he wanted to change his approach. He wanted to try being more direct and honest with you. With a deep sigh, he pressed his lips together and looked you in the eye. You looked good all dressed up in your little pencil skirt and white blouse. He’d never seen you in a lip color that shade of red, but he liked it. Even if you weren’t quite the same, he liked the way you looked in this universe.
“Because, I traveled a long way to find you mi vida,” he started, smirking at you rather pathetically, but he was desperate for you to understand, “and I’m going to tell you why you’re going to take these restraints off my wrists and say yes when I ask you to marry me.”
Your patients had said some crazy shit before. Being in an insane asylum, even a minimum security one, naturally you would expect to hear some outlandish things, but that had to be the most delusional thing you’d heard to date. You furrowed your brow, continuing to take notes. You hummed in amusement.
“You’re very bold, Mr. O’Hara–”
“Miguel.”
“Miguel.” You cleared your throat, smirking in an attempt to show that you weren’t fazed by his surprising statement, “you’ve piqued my curiosity, but I’m certainly not sure why you think I would do that.”
“Ask me.”
“Ask you what?” You asked, scribbling more notes on your legal pad.
“Ask me how I became so wracked with grief that I created a device to travel the multiverse just so I could find you again,” he said, eyes darting between yours to see if you believed a word coming out of his mouth.
You were stunned. You’d seen patients in a catatonic state, but this wasn’t like that, he was far too clear as he spoke. This also didn’t present as the usual schizophrenic case you would expect to see from the majority of your patients. He was completely calm, making eye contact, and very direct in his line of thinking. He was either so deep in his delusion that he genuinely believed everything coming out of his mouth…or he was telling the truth.
“Miguel, why don’t you tell me more about how you got here, let’s start with that.”
Redirection didn’t always work, but if you could find a crack in his story, you might be able to get him back to a basis in reality.
“I used my watch, the one that security took from me. Gonna need that back by the way, very dangerous if it gets into the wrong hands.” He leaned forward a little, eyes narrowing on you. “I used my watch to travel from a universe where you were a barista with a piss poor attitude, to this one where you’re a therapist apparently.”
You scoffed, “I was a barista?”
Miguel could tell you weren’t buying it, so he decided to be more direct now. 
“Listen, I’m looking for the universe where you don’t die,” he watched your expression to see how you’d react.
Regardless of how delusional he sounded, something like that would make anyone feel a bit uneasy. You shifted in your chair, putting your pen down on the desk. Miguel’s expression softened, likely seeing that his words had an effect on you. After all the years of you being a therapist, you’d never let a patient make you uncomfortable like that. 
“I think that’s enough for today,” you said, standing up and heading for the door.
“Wait!” Miguel yelled, wheelchair creaking forward a smidge when his body lurched to try and stop you. It worked. You turned and looked at him. “You have to believe me. I’m just trying to keep you alive. If you don’t listen to me…you’ll die.”
“Goodbye, Mr. O’Hara,” you said, opening your office door. “You’re going to be reassigned to a different therapist. I don’t think I’m a good fit for you.”
“No no no, wait!” He pulled his hands free from the restraints, something you both knew he was capable of.
He grabbed you by the shoulders, “Help!” You yelled, only resulting in his strong hand covering your mouth quickly.
“I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk,” he said, voice trembling in desperation.
You looked terrified, and rightfully so. This huge man that you’d never met before was towering over you, staring at you with such intensity, you thought you might faint in terror. He took his hand off your mouth and held a finger to his lips.
“Shh, mi vida, por favor,” he spoke softly, “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“G-go sit down in your chair n-now,” you said, legs shaking wildly.
He put his hands up in surrender, showing you that he was willing to comply with your request. He walked over and sat down in his chair, the weight of his body forcing the equipment to sigh under his frame. There was a silence in the room, a silence that made it easy to hear your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. You took a deep breath.
Miguel recognized that face, you were going to run. He sighed, he’d tried a different approach this time, and it didn’t pay off. Instead, his attempt had you rushing out into the hall, shouting for an orderly or two to help you. He didn’t fight them when they ran in, sticking him with a couple of syringes, being too massive for only one to do the job.
You didn’t stop thinking about him for the entire night. His words rang through your mind like a broken record:
‘I’m looking for the universe where you don’t die’.
No matter how hard you tried to shake it from your mind, it was impossible. For a week you managed to avoid talking to him again, but your curiosity - or perhaps it was your anxiety -, got the better of you. Your co-worker, and the patient coordinator, Stacy, spoke to you exactly one week after you’d last spoken to Miguel.
“He’s still asking for you every day,” she said, handing you his chart, “Dr. Harrow doesn’t want to work with him anymore, says he’s not getting anywhere with Mr. O’Hara.”
You took his file from her hands, looking it over, “So you put him back in there with me, knowing how dangerous he is and that he’s targeting me? That doesn’t sound like the best idea.”
She followed you down the hall as you walked, “I said that, but the higher ups insisted that you should see him. They gave him more sedatives and stronger restraints than last time so–”
“So nothing, I can’t believe they’d do this,” you said, tone laced in frustration.
You weren’t sure if you were upset because you were worried he was going to physically harm you, or if you were worried that there was validity to the words that had kept you up every night for the last several nights. You stopped in front of your office door, letting out a deep exhale. Stacy touched your back, patting it gently.
“Well, at least he’s hot.” She chuckled.
You rolled your eyes at her before opening the door and stepping into your office. There he was, sitting in the chair, eyes hooded from the sedatives when he looked up at you. His restraints were doubled, both his legs and wrists tied down with metal this time, rather than the flimsy leather from before. You felt a little better, but you were still afraid of what he might say. No patient of yours had ever been so direct when targeting you before.
“Hello again Mr. O’Har–”
“Miguel…or you can just call me ‘baby’, the way you used to,” he said, words coming out in a slow drawl due to his mentally inhibited state.
“Miguel…” you said with a sigh, “I’ll continue to treat you, but you need to be more appropriate when you speak to me or you’ll have to seek treatment elsewhere.”
“Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He sounded genuine, eyes looking up at you from under his lashes. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting your unease, so you nodded with a meek ‘thanks’, before sitting down behind your desk. He leaned over and wiped his drool slick lips on his shoulder, unsuccessful in cleaning the mess. Inappropriate as it may have been, you weren’t going to let the poor guy sit there in a mess like that.
You took a tissue and walked over to him. Miguel couldn’t believe you would touch him, not after the way he’d frightened you. He thought this version of you would be impossible to get through to after his first interaction with you, but perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps being blunt with you was going to work after all.
You held the tissue in your hand and wiped his lips. You damned yourself for mentally commenting on how soft they looked. With a shaky breath, you finished and sat back down at your desk. You crossed your arms over your chest.
“You didn’t want to talk to anyone else so…go ahead…talk,” you took out a notebook and a pen, waiting for him to start.
“Was that Stacy? Or maybe it was Mira?” He chuckled, watching your eyes flick up quickly to lock onto his.
“So you saw my co-worker’s name plate at some point, I presume? Who let you walk by the front desk of the asylum?” You asked, feeling a pit of unease forming in your stomach at his mention of your two closest friends and coworkers.
He shrugged, “I saw Stacy’s yes, is Mira not your co-worker in this universe?”
He could see you getting anxious. You always clicked your pen incessantly when you did, back in his universe. He wasn’t trying to make you feel crazy, but rather, he was trying to make you realize that he was sane. Finally, you looked at him again.
“M-Mira used to work here, but how do you know–”
“What about Emily? Your step sister…”
“No…no, no, no…” you got up quickly, heading for the door.
Miguel called your name, and you stopped, turning slowly to face him.
“I’m not trying to scare you, mi vida, I’m trying to save your life. If you would…please…entertain me for just a moment.” He rattled his wrists in his chair. “I couldn’t do anything to hurt you even if I wanted to. I’m fucking…I’m drooling on myself and I’m stuck to this damn chair.”
You stared at him for a while, considering your options. If he was insane, which was the most likely explanation, then helping him through this was your duty as a therapist. If he was telling the truth…you needed to try and figure out what he meant anyway. No matter which way you sliced it, the only way you could sleep at night would be to hear him out. You slowly walked back to your desk and sat down. When you picked your pen back up you realized that you were shaking.
“Have you been stalking me?” You asked bluntly.
“No,” he returned your tone. “I know you, I know you well, and if you’ll hear me out with an open mind for just a second, I can explain everything to you.”
You gestured with your arms to give him the floor. He nodded, thanking you in Spanish before letting out a deep sigh.
Miguel told you everything, from the day you first met in his universe to the day you died. He talked in depth about things in your life that he knew only you would know. He damned himself for crying while he explained how much he loved you. Then he went on to tell you about the second universe, where you worked at a quaint little coffee shop barista, but he didn’t express the same emotion toward that version of you as he had the first.
When he was done, you sat there in awe, doing your best to process. Not only did you believe his every word, you were trying not to fall into an existential crisis upon learning that the multiverse might actually exist. You gulped, reminding yourself quickly that if a patient is delusional enough, they can tell a lie and still pass a polygraph test. All it takes is for them to believe that lie to be true with all their heart. If he was a good enough stalker, he could easily be making all of this up, and combined with heavy delusions, you had a recipe for someone too crazy for your paygrade. He needed more care than you could provide.
“Miguel…” you looked him in the eye, unsure of how to respond.
A buzzer saved you, indicating that the time for your session was at an end. He didn’t fight, he’d learned the hard way that breaking the rules of the asylum would get him nowhere. Regardless, he couldn’t continue like this for long, he was wasting too much time. If this version of you wasn’t going to see things his way, he needed to move on.
One more session…
Both of you were thinking the same thing without realizing. You would give him one more session to sway you one way or another, and he would give you one more to make up your mind before he moved forward.
He was already waiting for you in your office when he heard you clicking down the hall toward the door. He heard you stop, and then Stacy started talking to you.
“I texted Mira and she’s down, you wanna come out for drinks with us?” Stacy asked.
Miguel’s heart nearly stopped. Was this it already? Was this the day you’d die if he didn’t stop you from going out with your damn friends? He thought about the last universe though. You still died, even before you were supposed to go out with your friends, as though it were a static event that happened in every universe you existed in.
“Yeah sure that sounds fun! I’ll meet you at your place around seven?”
Once you finished finalizing your plans, you made your way into the office and sat down behind your desk, trying not to make eye contact with the man whose words had kept you up at night over the last week. You averted his gaze until you couldn’t anymore, finally looking at him and sighing heavily.
“Hi Miguel, how was your week?”
You started the same way you started every session.
“If you go out with your friends tonight, you’ll die,” he said, speaking coldly, “I told you that’s how you died before, remember?”
“You really expect me to believe that? Come on. I’ve been wracking my brain all week trying to decide how I felt about what you said and I’m not buying it.” You spoke with little conviction, voice wavering slightly. “Plus in the second universe you said I died getting hit by a car, not from being in a car so–”
“I know, but the days started the same both times, your friends talking about meeting up for drinks and you agreeing to go,” he sighed, “What have you got to lose, hm?” He looked intense now. “If I’m wrong, then you can toss me in my cell for the rest of my days and label me insane, but if I’m right, then you’re going to come back here and realize that I’m telling the truth.”
“How…how will I know that you’re telling the truth versus making this up?”
You’d left out the fact that Stacy and Mira died in each universe as well, not wanting to complicate things by mentioning them. He looked up at you, brow furrowed and face full of frustration. He was hoping that after you finally believed him, that this alternate version of you would be worth all this time he’d put into you.
“You’ll just know.”
He was right.
The next day you came into work, despite having just lost your two closest friends, to confront the insane man who suddenly didn’t seem so insane. If you’d been in the car with them that night, you would’ve died alongside them. You stormed into your office after demanding Miguel be brought in to see you immediately. You’d grabbed his watch from storage, putting it on your desk.
Success had never looked so heartbreaking. Miguel hated seeing you so distraught. Your bottom lip was trembling and your eyes were glossed over with tears. He hated being right sometimes. You pointed to the watch with a shaking hand. Your face held a combination of anger and sorrow etched in every pore.
“You’re saying that this thing is…you can travel to other universes–”
“Si, honey but listen–”
“-going on but I believe you, I really fucking believe you–”
Your eyes were crazed, “mi vida, don’t touch that please, it’s not–”
“-through the multiverse and I mean, you’re insane and I’m insane for even thinking you might–”
You picked up the watch, holding it in your hand and putting it on your wrist while you continued to talk over Miguel’s desperate protests. He started wriggling in his chair, trying desperately to get free. You didn’t understand how that thing worked. It wasn’t made for you.
“-I thought to myself why the hell didn’t I just take this damn thing and prove once and for all that–!”
It wasn’t made for you…
When Miguel built it, he’d put in a failsafe to prevent anyone else from taking it and using it. If someone stole it from him, or he ended up in an insane asylum and had it confiscated, they wouldn’t be able to take it to another universe, leaving him behind and helpless. Since there was no telling where the watch would take him, he wanted to prevent the possibility of ending up in one that didn’t have modern technology, and getting stuck there…without you. So it was hardwired to work with only his DNA, and no one else’s.
It would appear that his failsafe ended up being what killed you in that universe. You pressed the button on the watch, waiting for something to happen with bated breath. Miguel hoped that his device would malfunction. He’d taken a liking to this version of you, but it didn’t. He watched as your body convulsed, flesh bubbling and tearing from the inside out as the energy that would normally transport him from one place to another coursed through you.
Your screams would be etched into his memories for the rest of his days. It didn’t matter that you weren’t the original, it was still your voice crying for help and ringing through his ears. He’d never seen anything so horrific, not even in horror films. You were gone again, and this time he felt despair again. He almost wished that if you were going to die, that you’d gone in the car with your friends instead, that way he wouldn’t have to go to the next universe covered in your blood and with the sound of your cries on repeat in his head.
He managed to shimmy himself over to the part of your blazer where he knew you kept your ring of keys. Tipping over onto the floor he could get to them, moving his wrist in a way that just barely reached the lock holding his hand in place. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, truly, but when three orderlies and a security guard tried to stop him from getting his bag containing his personal items, including that photo of the original you, he had no choice. He even warned them to stay out of his way, but when they didn’t listen, he was forced to make them.
Stepping over their bodies, bag in hand and watch on his wrist, he activated the device. He was still searching for the perfect you.
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Miguel O'Hara Masterlist
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fictoculus · 9 months
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hi! i was wondering if you could do wanderer, tighnari, childe, heizou, and maybe thoma with a reader who suffers from like severe depression? like they have no motivation to do anything and they’re always tired and sad and all of that depression stuff (i put that really mildly but i think you get my gist). and maybe if possible could you include that like, the reader is always helping other people and never helps themself because they don’t think they deserve it?
i’m sorry if this is too heavy a request. no pressure and no worries if you don’t want to do it!
౨ৎ no matter how alone you feel, i am always here...
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FEAT... wanderer/kuni, tighnari, childe, heizou
A/N... hellooo, thank you so much for this request, i'd be more than happy to write this for you! i'm so sorry but i had to remove thoma from the mix as i couldn't come up with any ideas for himmm. also also i apologise if childe's section is super ooc, i really struggle writing for him, but this is good practice! i did include other mental health related topics that can link to depression as i wanted to try and connect with as many people as possible. this does not mean i expect you to be suffering from those things, and in no way do you have to in order to be suffering from depression. if you are, that's ok too ♡
WARNINGS... self harm (heizou), depression, injury, home-neglect/"depression home" (childe), suicidal thoughts (tighnari), references to derealisation (wanderer/kuni), swearing
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✧ wanderer.
♪ wanderer, can be harsh, and has proven to have quite the tough exterior. that doesn't mean he loves you any less. and so, when he found out how you'd really been feeling, and that you'd been having to put up with it alone? he was absolutely heartbroken.
♪ you had forced yourself to get out of bed that morning, feeling almost limp as you stumbled down the stairs. nothing felt real. nothing felt like it mattered.
"morni- are you ok?" tear stains ran down your cheeks, your eyelashes still damp and your eyes bloodshot. the tip of your nose was a soft shade of pink, and the colour of your lips was slightly more vibrant than usual. "have you been crying?"
♪ it would have been one of the only times his shell completely shattered, leaving his interior exposed as he cried; not for you, but with you. the two of you wouldn't have said a word, but instead just sat wrapped around each other, in silence.
♪ with anyone else, he would've been embarrassed. being seen crying was not something many would expect of the wanderer; but it was you. you were hurting, you needed him, and so he wasn't afraid to be vulnerable around you if that's what it takes.
"shhhh, i know, i know... i'm sorry" wanderer, or kuni as you call him, was cradling you in his arms, rocking from side to side and burying his face in your hair. he was trying his best to keep himself together, using your scent to ground himself. "stop- please" tears threatened to spill as you broke apart right in front of him, squirming in his arms, but he refused to let you go. his grip only tightened, pulling your back further into him until you finally stopped thrashing, only to break down into tears. you felt him tremble against your back, his arms shaking slightly as his own tears began to dampen your hair.
♪ he'd known something was off about you, but he had confidence in your strength, you're one of the strongest people he's ever known, after all; but he often fails to realise that everyone can be weak sometimes, and that is one of the beauties of life.
♪ leaving you to handle things alone seemed like the best solution to wanderer; your mind needed the time to rest, to give itself a kickstart and power on like usual... but, oh, how he was wrong.
♪ probably the last thing you needed was to be alone, whether you knew it or not. you needed him; his voice, his gentle touch, his loving kisses, his words - however harsh they may sometimes be.
"it's hard work loving me, isn't it? you... you don't deserve to have to live like this, kuni" "don't say that, it's all work worth doing... you deserve the world, [name], and so much more, more than i could ever give you, got that?" his words carry meaning, so much more than a poem, a song, a kiss. they're unwavering, deeply engraved into the forefront of your mind the moment they slip from his lips. "i'll do this a hundred times if i have to, i don't care. i will still love you all the same, ok? i know i don't say it a lot, but nothing can ever change that, and that's a fact."
♪ he'd hug you until the sun goes down, taking your hand in his own and slowly guiding you to the bedroom once the time to rest arose. physical touch is a love language of his, since he often struggles with his words, and so he cuddled you through the night, instinctively squeezing you just a little tighter than usual.
"i will never leave you, [name]... no matter how alone you feel, i am always here"
✧ tighnari.
♪ tighnari has been out on a trip to aaru village for a few days now - planning to observe how different species of plants grow in different climates - leaving you alone in gandharva ville to watch over collei while he's gone. you do love collei, but sometimes she can be... a bit hard to handle; often getting herself into trouble. it's a lot to deal with, especially with that peculiar numbness which has been dragging you down for weeks now...
♪ unexpectedly, your lover had come home early from his trip; there had been some sort of 'incident' in aaru village which was to remain confidential, even tighnari didn't know the details.
♪ he'd half expected to find you in the kitchen, having lunch with collei, or perhaps reading that book you were obsessed with (which now fails to peak your interest), but instead he finds you curled up in bed, trembling.
"love?" "... nari? y- you're back?" you replied, your voice woven with surprise yet you couldn't bring yourself to show him your face.
♪ concerned, he sat on the edge of the bed, positioning himself so that he was facing the lump which he assumed was you. you shuffled, the sheets rustling as you tried to get closer to him, finding his presence alone comforting.
"are you ok, darling?" "hm? yeah, yeah i'm- i'm ok, i'm good" "would you look at me? i haven't seen you in so long, i want to see the beautiful face of yours"
♪ smart, that's what he was, smart and cunning. he already knew you were crying the moment he stepped into this house, his sensitive ears picking up your sniffles and broken sobs. he wanted to comfort you, to be there for you, maybe (definetely) even hold you, but how was he meant to if you hide yourself away from him?
♪ reluctantly, you turned to face him, showing him your teary eyes but hiding the rest of your face under the bed covers. he reached out and pulled them away from you, leaning down to kiss your nose softly and giving you a weak smile. a couple tears began to fall down your cheeks, but he kissed them away too, trying his bst to show just how much he loves you
"what's the matter, hun? what's been bothering you?" you take a deep breath; this is it, your chance, your chance to tell him everything, to finally confide in him. "things have been hard you know... having to take care of collei, running errands, just- everything, all while having this aching numbness in my chest..." "numbness? love, what do you mean?" "i don't know... it sounds silly i-" he jumps to interrupt you, to reassure you and show how patient he's willing to be with you. he never wants you to dismiss your feelings; he takes your wellbeing very seriously. "no, no it really doesn't, i'm just trying to wrap my head around everything that's all" "are you sure? we don't have to talk about it if-" "no, darling, i'm sure" "ok, well... it's just been lonely, and it's really hurting... i just wish everything would end"
♪ tighnari felt his heart shatter in that moment; you wanted it to end? the love of his life, the one most precious to him, has gotten to the point where they want to completely give up, and it breaks him.
♪ he slowly lowers himself down on top of you, wrapping his arms around you waist and rolling the two of you over so that you were ontop of him, cradling you in his arms and - unbeknownst to you - silently crying with you.
♪ the two of you just lay there in eachothers arms, refusing to let go of the other, tangled together under the covers. it must have been a couple hours before tighnari broke the silence, deciding that you'd had long enough to reflect and attempt to calm yourself down.
"[name], listen to me... no matter how alone you feel, i am always here, ok? i love you so much, and i'm sorry you've had to go through this alone. i will help you, i'm fighting with you now""you don't have to promise me anything, just... please consider coming to me whenever you're thinking like this, ok?" "i will, thank you, nari... i love you"
✧ childe.
♪ both you and childe have a fairly packed schedule, running around liyue day in day out to keep people happy. your beloved seems almost completely unaffected, getting riled up at pesky customers being the worst of his worries, you - on the other hand - had an entirely different load.
♪ due to the fact that the two of you were so busy, you rarely got to see eachother, maybe brushing by eachother but only being able to share a kiss before one of you got dragged off to more business. so, you always made sure to make time for eachother, clearing out at least two days on your calendar (typically wednesdays and saturdays) to spend together, telling the other all the exciting or nerve-wracking things you had encountered in the week
♪ however, what childe doesn't know is that you'd been off the job for almost a month now, spending your days in your own home, stuck in bed despite the voice deep in the back of your mind willing you to get up...
"honey, you home? you kept me waiting you know..." no response... little did he know, you were cursing under your breath; it's wednesday. you paced your room in panic before stopping in front of the mirror, gripping at your hair when you saw your reflection. you practically slammed yourself forward, hands now on the mirror as you traced your reflection's 'imperfections'. you were completely lost in your own head, too lost, in fact, to notice you were the only thing keeping the mirror from crashing down, the already loose screws falling to the floor as soon as you applied pressure. "fuck!!" you yelled, the glass shattering all over your floor, luckily not digging into your skin, but you didn't come out completely unscathed, a couple scratches ;iterring your hands and legs. "love? [name]?! open the door! are you ok?!" he shouts, pounding on your front door, the entirety of liyue must have been able to hear him. "don't come in!! please, just wait, i'll be right there! i'm ok! just please-"
♪ without waiting another moment and completely dismissing your pleas - due to pure concern - he unlocks your door with the key you gave him, walking into your apartment but finding it almost unrecognisable. it was a mess; clothes strewn across the floor, garbage piling up on the kitchen table and beside your bedroom door.
"[name]? hun, what's going on?" you could hear the concern weighing his voice down, it becoming lower and scratchier as he approaches your bedroom. "ah- i told you not to come in!"
♪ he pushes your door open, only to freeze in the doorway when he caught sight of you, greasy hair tangled into a nest-like structure, dark circles making your eyes pop.
"holy shit!! what in teyvat happened? are- are you ok!?" his eyes are wide, hands shaking as he approaches you slowly, holding your shoulders as he scanned you up and down. "archons, what happened... love, is there something going on? is someone hurting you? has someone done something? talk to me! please i just-"
♪ the whole situation was more than just overwhelming; being stood in a ring of shattered glass, exhausted, embarassed, the whole package.
♪ naturally, you began to tear up, lowering yourself down until your were squatting, holding your head in you hands and sobbing, all while childe stood and watched; he didn't know what to do.
♪ he'd never seen you like this before, so vulnerable, so afraid, so hurt; and it hurt him too. carefully, he swept away the glass with his foot, creating a path for you to 'escape' safely and into his arms, which you did; slamming yourself into him and burying your face in his chest.
"i- i'm sorry, i'm so sorry i forgot and- and my place is a mess and i'm- i'm a mess and, archons- childe... childe, i'm falling apart" "shhhh, you're ok, i'm here now, ok? just breath for me, love" "it- it's just so hard, y'know? alone... i'm so alone, i- i can't do this alone, fuck i'm sorry, i just- it feels like i'm losing control of myself; i can't even think straight anymore and i feel so dazed all the time and... i'm lonely, e- even though i'm surrounded by so many people, i'm so lonely"
♪ he let's you talk, not daring to interrupt you, just listening to you, holding you close and stroking your arm in an attempt to reassure you. only when you stop talking does he pull away, peppering your face in loving kisses before planting an especially sweet one on your lips.
"honey, stop, i'm all gross and-" "i don't care"
♪ and he shows you that he doesn't, kissing you again and again; your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your lips, everywhere. he has so much love for you, and he just keeps on giving. he doesn't care if you don't think you deserve it, if you don't think he should have to 'deal with you'; he gives it to you regardless, and that's something you can't help but love about him.
"no matter how alone you feel, i am always here, understand? i love you, [name], and i care about you, more than anything; more than my job, the fatui, mora, the list goes on. nothing is more important to me than you, and i'm not ashamed to say it. i am the one who doesn't deserve you, i'm blessed to even know you, nevermind have the privilige of loving you. so accept it, please, take my love, my heart, my everything; all my being is here for you." "archons, i love you, childe" "i love you, [name]"
(big ass dramatic speech for our drama queen) (rest assured, he meant every word)
✧ heizou.
♪ the man is a detective, so he quite quickly caught on, but was hesitant to mention it, bringing it up jokingly only for you to completely dismiss it. heizou could tell by the look in your eyes alone that something was seriously wrong; the old sparkle being replaced by a dull void. nevertheless, he would still get lost in your eyes, but feel as if he were falling down a bottomless pit; it was like he could feel what you were feeling, see what you were seeing, and it hurt.
♪ he'd be returning home from a long day of detective work, uncovering clues and deciphering codes to find missing persons, his eyelids dropping as he locked the front door behind him
"honey, i'm home!" he calls out, knowing well how cheesy the phrase was, and using that to his advantage, wanting the first thing he sees after a long day on the job to be your smile. "love?" after hearing no response - not even the shuffling of your slippers against the wooden floorboards - he grew concerned, eyebrows furrowing as he began to wonder: "where could they be?"
♪ someone coming after you must be his most dreaded nightmare; a thought that haunts him late at night, though thankfully the sight of you sleeping soundly next to him always seems to calm him, but this time you aren't there... you aren't there beside him to comfort him, to show him you're safe, to prove to him you aren't hurt. the poor man is stood in the entryway of your shared home, eyes wide and scanning the coat hooks for any missing coats, or the shoe rack for any easy-access pairs you may have grabbed if you were faced with the need to run.
♪ merely thinking about a criminal exploiting heizou's soft spot for you as revenge for proving them guilty sent chills down his spine, the thought of you being hurt scaring you more than anything ever could, even more than some of his worst cases.
"calm down, heizou, they're probably fine" he reassures himself, trying to keep calm and prevent himself from thinking (or acting) irrationally. finally stepping into the front room, heizou's eyes switch from doorway to doorway, trying to decide where you're most likely to be. watching tv in the living room? nope. cooking dinner in the kitchen? not there either. showering in the bathroom? still no. watering the plants in the back garden? this late at night? no way! sleeping in the bedroom? not quite...
♪ peeking through the crack in the bedroom door, he sees you sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and unmoving. his first thought is to burst through the door and hug you, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around in relief... that is until his eyes recognise the red trickling down your thighs...
♪ you wanted to feel something, anything. an escape from this numbness was all you wanted, all you needed, yet it would slip from your grasp as soon as the pain subsided. it was unloving, unforgiving, cruel; leaving you alone once more, staring a hole into the blank spot of yours and heizou's bedroom wall.
"you thought i wouldn't notice, love? i am a detective, y'know..."
♪ yes, admittedly it wasn't the best choice of words, but in all honesty, he wasn't quite sure how to react. he pushed the door open, poking his head through first with a weak smile before opening it further and sliding through the gap. no matter how hard he tried to hide it, you could see his eyes welling up with tears, his bottom lip wavering as he looked you in the eyes.
"can... would it be ok if i come closer?" his gentle voice calls out, you can hear the sadness in your voice, and it hit your heart with a 'twang'. you nod meekly, reaching out your hand to grab a cloth and covering your leg, but he grabs your wrist to stop you "please, let me see?" "'zou... you don't need to help me" "[name], i want to help you, i'm choosing to do this... so please"
♪ at first you're doubtful, confused as to why anyone would want to give you this kind of help, especially heizou. not because you view him negatively, but because you could tell he was exhausted; being a detective is hard work, and has proven to be very draining.
♪ deep down you didn't think you deserved it. despite always being happy and willing to help others, nobody ever seems to want to return the favour, and so your frozen in shock - not pain - when he begins cleaning your wounds.
"do you maybe wanna talk about it?" he asks, looking up at you with kind eyes, showing you how genuine he was. whatever was bothering you, he wanted to know, he wanted to help, because you deserve his help. "... m- maybe later?" as much as you hate to dissapoint him, you can't bring yourself to even think about how you'd explain all this to heizou; not wanting to scare him or become 'one of his clients', though you know he would never treat you that way. "of course, whenever you need, love... you know i love you, right? and... and that no matter how alone you feel, i am always here" "i love you..."
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thanks for reading ♡ want to read more? my requests are OPEN, so please feel free to let me know what you'd like me to write next!
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☆ a little message i wanted to share... ( feel free to skip)
"i know some random person from the internet saying this may not help, but i want you to know that you are loved, you are cared for, whether you know it or not. there are billions of people on this planet, not one of us are the same, and so no one will ever really know how you're feeling, but that's ok. this is something you are going through and something you will get yourself out of. yes, it will take time, and it'll be hard, but i believe in you. nobody knows you better than yourself. if you think doing something, anything, will make you feel worse, don't do it. you know your boundaries better than anyone, no matter what other people say. take your time. of course, it's good to help others, but sometimes you'd be helping other people more if you took a second to take care of yourself. you do deserve it. please stay safe and take care of yourself. ily ♡"
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© FICTOCULUS 2023; please do not steal, translate, or repost my works as your own
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shadesofecclescakes · 1 month
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Are you a big fanfic reader? What have you read lately and what's been your favourite fic so far?
Oh mannnnnnnnn. Why don't you ask me to pick a favourite child while you're at it???
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Just kidding. I don't have kids. But I assume having to pick a favourite would be hard if I did.
So, am I a big fanfic reader? YES. And what haven't I read lately? We are lucky enough to have so many talented writers in this fandom that it's possible to subscribe to numerous multi-chapter fics to the point where you're just constantly getting update emails. Which I do. It's great. It gives me something to do at work aside from, y'know, work.
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*Me at work being smug about being paid to read porn* (Also I just wanted to look at this gif)
So what is currently on my endless update list? Coming up after the cut!
I am an absolute whore for human AU, so if you like that then you will probably like:
The Cure for a Broken Heart by @rofell
a medical student AU based in the Canadian medical system (I'm a Canadian so I was pretty excited about that). It manages to tackle the continued systemic discrimination of Indigenous people in our medical system (and in general), homophobia and the ensuing trauma from those things all while also being informative, funny, sweet, romantic and hot af. Like. It's so good.
Free by @maaikeatthefullmoon
This is another one with with a heavy topic that also does a great job of making sure to break it up with some excellent fluff, hurt/comfort and humorous moments. And it's handled with the sensitivity and thoughtfulness necessary to write something that takes place in a mental health ward and deals with some intense situations. Definitely make sure to read those author notes before diving in. They lay it out very thoroughly.
The Sincere Way by @tsyvia48
A martial arts AU. Crowley is a karate sensei and Aziraphale is his student. Slow burn that keeps you on the edge. The screams I have scrumt at my screen over this one. Plus you learn a lot about karate (but it never gets boring or over-explainey. Excellently balanced) which is pretty cool. Mostly light (there is some angst. This is the Good Omens fandom. I think we are all sad, wet chihuahuas at heart). Funny and sweet.
Terminus by @emotional-support-demon-crowley
Plus One by @caedmonfaith
Astronaut AU. Aziraphale is an astronaut who meets his mission controller, Crowley, over the comms system when he finds himself in need of assistance.
Super cool concept and really well-done in my opinion. Like, I don't do any space or physics-related work (ok I straight-up failed math 9) but I find it entirely believable. And it's well-written which is the entire point. Cute, funny slow burn with an intriguing mystery happening in the background.
Aziraphale has family money but a shitty family (except for Muriel! Never Muriel!) and his shitty brother Gabriel is getting married to shitty Michael, an Earl's daughter.
Aziraphale's family disproves of his entire life pretty much and he has been lying to them about having a boyfriend. Now they are expecting him to bring said boyfriend to the wedding. His famous footballer friend sets him up with their mechanic, Crowley.
It starts as a slow-burn but becomes a hilarious, smutty romp that just gets more and more insane. The chapter titles alone have made me cackle out loud.
Some older human AUs I'm a huge fan of include Old Vines by @sevdrag. Crowley owns a vineyard and Aziraphale is a wine critic. It is so amazingly written. It makes me think of the author Joanna Harris (Chocolat, The Five Quarters of the Orange) because it's SO beautifully, vividly descriptive that I end up craaaaaving wine. So have a bottle on hand if you're giving this a read.
Also the love story in this. My god. I devoured it. The story and the (many bottles of) wine.
There is also Loosely Ballroom by marginalia_device and mortifyingideal. It's a Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing with the Stars in North America) AU and it is so. Fucking. Good.
But it comes with a disclaimer. It's unfinished and looks likely to stay that way. But honestly? Still worth it. It's nearly finished (I think) so you have most of the story. And it's just SO good. It's been a while since I read it but it was one of the first human AUs I read and what got me hooked on them.
If you're still with me...nice! Just know that was me holding back and that isn't my entire list by a long shot. If you want more recs, feel free to message me and also share your own!
I just finished Slow Show the actor AU by @mia-ugly and yes please.
Some serious angst, pining and hot hot smut.
There is another long-form multi-chapter actor au I loooved but I can't remember the name for the life of me. Just that the show they were on was basically good omens and that they swapped roles with great success (inspired by the whole Michael thinking Neil wanted him to play Crowley when he wanted Aziraphale thing).
Thanks for the ask! That was really fun!
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sunray-222 · 3 months
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Second to you. | C.S
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warnings: angst, asshole chris, strong language, breakups, lmk if i miss anything
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when you and chris started dating, it was because you loved him for who he was. not the fame, not what he could bring you, just him. and chris was so in love with you, initially. chris was your escape, from your stresses, your mental health, everything.
chris was your go to. “i’ve got you no matter what baby. i promise.” he’d said it to you countless times, at first it was sweet but the course of your relationship currently, now it felt like he thought he was obligated to say it.
things lately had been rather, intense between the two of you. and not in a good way. you two barely talked, when you did it felt as if chris was always annoyed with you. you slept together, but a million miles apart. it just wasn’t the you and chris that you were used to.
“so, are we going to that party tonight?” you asked, hopeful eyes. maybe going out will bring out the better in you two.
“prolly’ not.” chris mumbled, not even looking up from his phone. “oh, baby please. we haven’t been out in forever?” you begged again, and chris only rolled his eyes as he continued scrolling.
you bit back the tears and the arguing, just wanting one day where you guys don’t fight. you went about your day deciding that whether or not chris went out with you, you and your friends and nick were going.
it was roughly 7:30 when chris decided to pay attention to you, and the short dress you landed on.
“where are you going?” he asked, his tone uneasy as he watched you carefully. “out, the party remember?” you asked, eyes widened as you explained.
“uh.. i guess i don’t remember you bringing that up.”
“course you don’t.” you huffed, rolling your eyes. “if i’d have said it naked chris i don’t think you’d realize then.”
-
and it only continued. the uncomfortable tension didn’t die down, it got worse matter of fact.
“you’re always on the fucking phone, of course you don’t listen.” you cried, voice horse. the two of you had been arguing for what felt like hours, over chris not paying attention to you.
“i’m always on the fucking phone because you’re fucking paranoid y/n. over everything. and it’s leaking out on me. i can’t handle all this shit y/n it’s exhausting.”
“you’re exhausted? try talking to someone who makes you feel like you’re fucking background noise. who makes you feel like you’re the second choice to their phone!” you yelled back, “and on the topic of being fucking paranoid it all started when you started shutting me out you fucking dick.”
you stomped away, slamming the bedroom door in his face. “don’t shut my fucking door in my face, you forget you moved in with me this is my shit y/n. chill your fucking ass out!” he screamed, slamming the door behind him.
“god why do you fucking hate me now?” you asked, tears streaming as you laid on the bed back away from him.
“i don’t. you’re being overdramatic and over reacting to fucking nothing.” chris sighed, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor and rubbing his hands over his face.
“i’m going to bed.” you cried, reaching up to turn the lamp off.
“whatever, y/n/n.” chris mumbled, grabbing a blanket and heading to sleep on the couch.
-
weeks had gone. and the silence was unbearable. and it had all hit you like a ton of bricks when matt asked you, matt who lived with you, “are you two even still together?”
you’d made your mind up then.
it’d been two days since matt asked, and subtly you’d been packing your bags, preparing to stay with one of your friends until you’d figured something out.
it was about 10 o’clock when you hear the sound of matt’s van pulling in and the doors shutting. you sat on the bed, with your bags all around you.
a rough 5 maybe even 10 minutes later chris finally makes his way into the room.
“you havin’ a slumber party or something?” he laughed, standing in front of the dresser pulling night clothes out. “i’m leaving, chris.”
the room fell silent. and chris was trying to fully wrap his head around your sentence. “okay, are you visiting family?”
it was a stupid question, you both knew that. you both also knew chris wasn’t fully grasping reality here. “no, christopher, i’m leaving you.”
“no, no. y/n you’re not, if this is about the fighting i’m sorry i was a dick, i’ll do better.” chris explained, panic in his voice as he turned around. “no, christopher. i tried to get you to change,” you huffed, looking down, you knew that if you looked him in the eyes it’d be immediate tears.
“y/n, please baby. i was just stressed, we can go somewhere just us i’ll turn my phone off better yet i’ll leave it here please baby. i’m sorry.” his voice cracking, it’s as if tears were going to slip any second.
“no chris. no. you were all i had, all i have if i’m being honest with myself. and i wish you all the best in the world. but i’m tired of feeling like i have to compete with your phone, and honestly yourself for your attention. i’m through letting you beat me down everyday.” you explained, pushing his hands off of your lap.
“y/n, it was just stress i promise i’ll do better.” his eyes filled with tears as he sat in the floor in front of you.
“chris i don’t even think you’re crying because we’re done, i just think you don’t wanna be alone.” you mumbled, standing up and going towards the door.
“i’m through letting you destroy me by being with me but not really being with me. i love you chris, but i have to love me more.”
-
sad, short, and angsty. love y’all lmfao
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petrichormore · 7 months
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daily reminder that q!bbh is not only experiencing psychotic episodes but is also physically wounded, ill, and potentially dying. We also have no idea how that is playing into his decision making. I see a lot of people just kinda disregarding it and acting like q!bbh is making the decisions he’s making in a vacuum of normality, but q!Forever is partially right when he says this isn’t the “real” q!badboyhalo. This is a heavily wounded and ill q!bad whose injuries are already affecting his ability to see color, so what else are they affecting?
Like, it’s not that I think q!Forever is right when he says “I know this isn’t you, I know you’re not yourself” because he’s clearly projecting - q!Bad does not need to be saved or fixed especially by a man who he doesn’t trust but… having q!bbh be in the worst state he’s ever been in isn’t him being in his “truest” state either. And I’ve seen that be said - that this is the true, honest q!bbh and q!forever befriended a facade, a lie, but that’s just. Not accurate at all. The kind-hearted, altruistic, and gentle q!bbh that q!forever befriended is just as real as the one we’re seeing now. It’s just that q!forever befriended q!bbh while he was in a relatively normal (he’s being held captive on murder island after all) state of mind, and now he’s nearing his worst. His absolute worst is not any more his “true self” than his absolute best would be, and I’d argue niether extreme is a particularly accurate reflection.
“This is the real q!bbh: a terrible person.” Maybe he is a terrible person but this isn’t evidence of that, this is just evidence that he’s fucking surviving on a knife’s edge. This is him pushed to the very brink of what he can handle, and then pushed even farther. A person’s lowest moment is not when their “true personality” is revealed or whatever and I’ve never liked that idea to begin with. A person’s lowest moment might reveal an unnatural extreme but that’s like. It. In my opinion, anyway.
The “real” q!bbh is cunning, devious, and ruthless and is also kind, altruistic, and selfless. Those ‘good ones’ aren’t traits he just pretended to have, that’s him in equal measure. I know it’s fun for the demon to be evil or something, but he’s just… not, really. He’s currently sick in ways we don’t fully understand, but from what we do know he’s being drained of color and of sanity so how can someone point at him and say “this is the real q!bbh” no, it’s the worst q!bbh (that we’ve seen). But worst does not equal truest - his thought process and personality are clearly being affected by his lack of sleep, and his declining mental health, and whatever the hell those vultures have done to him.
I don’t know, I just don’t think people are taking his physical appearance, and the fact that he’s straight up gone colorblind and experienced a psychotic break into account enough when discussing what this current arc reveals about him as a person. Any conclusion drawn about his personality should come with a “he’s barely hanging in there are we sure this is an intrinsic personality flaw or just a reaction to a traumatic situation that he would probably never exhibit under any other circumstance that vaguely resembles normal”
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Text
This Will Be The Day That I Die
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Part 2 |
Pairings: Wednesday X Reader (Any gender)
Warnings: Suicide attempt, Mental health issues, depression, Wednesday being a psycho, crying, reader having bad parents.
Words: 900+
It was time for the results. You already knew you would fail again, but you couldn't this time, your parents think you are a disgrace. You wanted to slap the good results into their face but only if you got them. You had failed, again and again. Principal Weems was concerned. Maybe putting across this to your parents might help, but she doesn't know how they behave. Only if she knew.
You were waiting for your parents by the door to the Principal's office. Trying to control the tears, you looked above, to see them coming. It had felt like your death was near.
"What did you do this time?" Your father grabbed you by the chin and moved it to look straight into his eyes. "Do have anything else to do rather than just shaming us in front of the whole school?" He tried to clench his nails against your chin and neck but released it forcefully and scoffed. He opened the door to peacefully greet Weems, if anything your family was good at was being fake. "Good Morning Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N. Please grab a seat" Weems smiled and looked at you, her smile disappeared when she saw you, not because of your horrible results but because of how you looked. You had dark circles underneath your eyes. You just happened to look very weak for an outcast who is a vampire.
As you stood beside your mother, Weems had given your father a report of your results. "I'm concerned about Y/N, their results have been dropping since last semester. Is everything okay with her?" Weems with care in her eyes looked at you, but you were trying to hide your face by looking down to the floor. Oh good it will be, the cold harsh floor mixed with hot red blood. The fact that it sounds like an irony, but it's not.
Your father had laughed it off, he had already hated the fact that your mental health was awful, and now people suspecting it will make him just angrier. He didn't want it getting out. "There is nothing wrong with them, okay? They just don't study."
"I might agree but I have seen Y/N trying hard enough, I was just concerned that it might be some environmental factors or even the condition of her in your house." Weems had put across a valid point but your father was a rigid piece.
"YOU THINK Y/N IS NOT BEING TREATED GOOD??!" He shouted your mother trying to stop him, it all depends on their reputation after all.
"I didn't mea-"
"YOU CERTAINLY DID, WE'RE DONE HERE" He got up and your mother grabbed your wrist and followed your father out of her room.
She released it forcefully and turned to look at you, "You can't do anything right, can you?"
"I wish you would have died the day you were born" Your father clenched his fist. "whatever, lets just leave, she's a shame on our family."
"I'm sorry please" you cried as they left. Your body had felt so heavy, that you fell on your knees and whined. Your chest was stinging. You saw them leave, again.
You wish they stayed, but they never did. You wish they could have understood you, they never did.
You felt a cold hand on your shoulder, you wiped your tears and looked above. Finding Addams.
"What?" your hoarse voice had said in very not polite way.
"Comforting people is not really my forte but, I suppose being a killer is better than being a cry baby" For first time, her voice didn't sound so rude as it did before.
"What do you mean?" You stood and looked straight into her eyes with a confused expression.
"I think you should not let them have the peace of you struggling. I can help you with that if you want." She smirked.
"God, Wednesday are you kidding me?" You rolled your eyes and left for your dorm.
______________________________________________________________
How good it will be, to see the hot blood spilled on the cold concrete floor. It was over for you. You handled it for so long now you have to burst out. Silently.
It's said that truth hits you hard but reality waits for you until you're ready to accept it. Then it hits like an irony of emotions. Peace yet a piece of confusion in your heart that wants to rest. Supplying blood for a long time isn't really easy, you know.
As you enjoyed 'American Pie' for one last time, reciting the lyrics "This will be the day that I die." A smile appeared on your face. Just imagine how your rested body will feel, free of the world.
As the song was in its last verse, you picked up a blade near your wrist, ready. You relived the memories you made, with Enid, Yoko, and Bianca. Sometimes even Weems, then the new goth girl. Wednesday.
You think about Wednesday, remembering what she said to you. She might have been right. Dying is boring, but taking revenge on the people is adventurous. You throw away the blade and run away. Never to be found again.
She should be right.
They were singin', Bye bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singing, "this will be the day that I die"
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Part 2?
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Note
AITA for rejecting someone bc they’re 'too skinny'?
I know this sounds genuinely horrible but let me explain. TW for eating disorder talk!!
I (20m) met this really cute guy (19m) through a mutual friend a while ago and we immediately hit it off. I really like him but the thing is, I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for over 7 years now. He’s super skinny and that’s totally okay but sadly it’s been triggering my ed a lotttt.
He literally said he loves how soft my hips are which made me feel physically sick. I haven’t had a reaction like that in a long time and it’s making me feel like shit. I’ve put a lot of work into addressing this eating disorder and trying to heal from it. Keep in mind that I’m a pretty thin guy, I’m 5'2 and on my recent doctor‘s visit I was around 116lbs, there really isn’t that much softness to me. No idea why he said that.
So, after some consideration and for the sake of my mental health, I decided to cut things off with him. We’ve only been on a few dates and I really didn‘t think it was that serious. He obviously asked me why and I decided to be honest, which didn’t go over well.
He called me a selfish asshole, accused me of bodyshaming him and then went and told my friends that I’m a 'vain bitch'.
I really don‘t think I’m in the wrong here. I have a lot of issues to work on, yea, but I try to handle them as well as I can without dragging anyone else into my mess. Still, a good number of my friends told me that I’m cruel and vain for what I did. None of them responded after I explained myself, so, I don’t know.
AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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equestriagirl16 · 2 years
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NRC staff and their guardian status with MC~🌹
Notes: personal headcannons cause I absolutely cannot get enough of the NCR staff being caretakers/parental figures to MC. It’s just so wholesome to me, and a lot of this isn’t new info just my take on said renowned info.
Inspired by: @wolken-himmel @hunniepotts @adrianasunderworld @mashed-potato101
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Dads: Crewel and Crowley
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It’s basically canon at this point that our dear professor would assume the main dad role.
He would have a long history of taking care of “unruly pups”, and having you come around like a lost stray in need of proper training. Well he just couldn’t help himself now could he?
Spoils the hell out of you, yes he would take you out shopping for actual clothes and necessities, yes he would pay for everything, and no you absolutely do not owe him anything in return. Would probably get genuinely upset if you insisted.
Would be the dad to actually remind you, in a reassuring way, that you are in fact a child/young so you really shouldn’t carry the world on your shoulders at least not by yourself.
Fairly overprotective and strict, he only wants the absolute best for and from you. Which means unfortunately you won’t get a sliver of favoritism in class, and no amount of batting eyes or cute little excuses in baby talk is gonna change that. “Well you should’ve thought of that when I specifically gave you a weeks notice before the assignment went out pup.” And then he pats you on the head with his stick(affectionately).
No dating no boys no nothing, in fact no friends. Just spend your time with your loving father figure, he’s sure that’d be much better for your mental health. “I hate men.” “But you are one.” “My point still stands.” He’s spent more time around the student body than you have so he knows, LORD does he know, that plenty of them will leave you worse for wear despite how nice of a person they are. And if anyone, no matter who they might be, leaves his little pup sad and whimpering. He’ll make sure to remind them why he adorns the name of Crewel.
But at the end of the day he absolutely loves you, and you bring a special light in his life too. He may be a little young for it(in his words), but a set of adoption papers happen to make his way on his internet browser more times than he can ignore. Only if you’d like, perhaps he could bring the proposition up in conversation during your next shopping spree.
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Oooooh Crowley, honestly this is mostly because he was the first adult to find you. We all know how this man operates, and yet he’ll insist that he takes care of you like his own child! *looks into the camera*
The man is on the complete other end of the dad spectrum. Ya know instead of responsible and nurturing he’s more so flighty and excitable. Literally just- “We gon need nutrition.” “So your kid likes apple juice?” “Oh no they love orange juice, but they’ve been bad this week.” “What grade is your kid in?” “Sixteenth grade.” “That’s not even a grade!-So they graduated college?” “No they…where is my kid??” He left you in the grocery store…again.
Don’t get him wrong though, he can step up to the challenge when need be, he’s still a whole principal. If anything he’ll at least make sure your academics are in line and your school life is decent, and thankfully he does play favorites!
However he definitely values independence, and just tends to think you can handle things on your own and believes a ton in your potential. Much to both your favor and detriment, sure there’s nothing you can’t handle but that doesn’t mean you should handle it all at once!
Does get serious when the situation calls for it. Like if you’re legitimately broken up about anything, or just in a bad place the secret dad switch in the far reaches of his brain finally switch into hyper gear. He can catch the slightest wind of it, and he’ll be the first one there to comfort you which he’s surprisingly good at. Both in physical comfort and advice, it gets you every single time.
He would never let you know this, nor could you really guess, but he would do anything for you. You mixed up his life in a very unexpected and interesting way, and even if he’s not good at showing it he does love you very much. Man would kill for you. Die for you though? Hmm, give him a sec to think.
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Uncles: Vargas and Sam
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To me he comes off as someone who definitely cares about you but doesn’t show it on as intimate of a level if that makes sense. He’s a gym bro, he shows his affection more in words of motivation and making you run just a few more laps. Cmon, he believes in you!
Obviously he values your physical health, but also because he knows that can translate into mental health. He may not be there for everything but he does what he can in the time he has with you.
Honestly he probably just figures that you already have a lot of people looking out for you, and he doesn’t want to overstep. So he’ll stay in his lane and make sure you’re working at maximum efficiency.
Of course that doesn’t mean he won’t be there for you when you need it. Is also ever so slightly protective, but aims to lift you back onto your feet more than anything. He knows your someone deserving of respect so he’s gonna remind you of that every time he has the chance, and won’t stop until your confidence is through the roof. “Come on, you’re really gonna let them tear you down like that! Remember what I taught you, no one’s strong like Y/N!”
But if you need a hug then maybe, just maybe, he’ll sweep you up and jostle you around until you’re too dizzy to even remember you were sad. You’re a rarity in this world, and you’re just as capable as anyone else. As long as he’s around he’ll never let you forget that.
Also, head pats for days and 100% calls you kid.
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I feel like I barely have to even explain this one. It’s Sam, he’s younger and more extravagant. Not rly dad material, he gives off more older relative/big brother vibes.
He’s got his own stuff going on plus a shop to run, he may not be around you 24/7 but would definitely encourage you to stop by and visit literally anytime. He absolutely loves your company and showing you all his little tips and tricks.
You can guarantee he’d sometimes let you’d off the hook when paying for supplies, for no particular reason at all of course. “I’m closing up shop for the night anyway, now run along little imp ‘fore the shadows get ya!”
Likes teasing you, just playful little pranks and jabs to keep you on your toes. Would never dream of doing anything remotely malicious, even does check-ins if your reaction isn’t the happiest.
Speaking of check-ins, I feel like he’d ask you about how things are going every single time you visit him. Since he’s on the younger side too he’d definitely be more in the know about how to deal with certain things, and give you more down to earth advice. The jump from free spirited shop keep to serious guardian is wild.
Also for any of my black/poc MCs out there, he has your back(especially if you were homesick). Another fully welcomed slice of culture, I have a personal headacannon that he’d be extremely helpful on hair days too. Not to say no one else is, but he would take pride in you sticking close to your roots(heh, get it). As well as picking out really cool styles for you. Maybe even have some spells to let you color it, the possibilities are endless.
A little protective but he doesn’t outright distrust anyone neither believes in shielding you. You gotta fight you’re own battles, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be there every step of the way. When you’re knocked down he’ll pick you right back up, now equipped with a few new tricks up your sleeve. And perhaps on some days many may notice that you have more than one shadow following behind you.
Loves you to death and beyond that, he’ll make sure everyday is full of laughs and you have what you need to stand out from the rest.
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GRANDPA TREIN
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This man has gray hairs, years of wisdom, and put multiple kids through college. He has earned this category.
I want to say since he already has a family of his own he wouldn’t completely take you in, but he’d definitely put you under his wing. Simply put he owns most the brain cells between all the staff, so he’d know not only how to but for your own sake that he should take care of you.
The amount of times he’s had to steer you away from the advice of a certain principal, and to be the guy to refute the extra baggage anybody put on you is ridiculous. “But Crowley wanted me to get the supplies from the town this weekend, and then I have to host a tutoring session with the guys, and run another errand-” “You’re not doing that.” “But-” “No buts, none of it. Now sit down and finish your tea, I fear you’ll collapse if you think for another second.” Firmly believes no one as young as you should be dealing with the sheer amount of bullsh!t you deal with. And trust that he’s seen a lot of it in his time working at that place.
He’s the epitome of responsible caretaker, will set your priorities straight and be very transparent with you. If your getting too distracted to focus on your academics, or putting yourself last after everything/everybody you have to deal with. He won’t hold back, you’re apart of the equation, the most important part.
He’s also very well versed in the emotional aspects of a young ones life too. Sure he’s not the most touchy feely type, but on like a psychological level he understands and gives arguably the best and most proactive advice.
This isn’t his first rodeo, honestly a lot of it is just second nature to him. He just has a lot of sympathy for you and your situation, and despite his demeanor he’s not one to leave a literal stranded child to fend for themselves. He’s a professor not a monster, and of course you remind him a lot of his prime parenting days. Which he’s secretly very fond of.
He won’t say it out loud, well at least not in front of other people. Perhaps during a nice quiet evening in his office he’ll tell you how genuinely proud he is of you and your progress. You’ll always have a means of support in him, but don’t misunderstand him he doesn’t play favorites.(yes he does)
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iloveundertaesooomuch · 4 months
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Some advice from AU Calebs!
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Heck yeah I did it! Finally i finished ONE of the HUNDREDS AU crossover ideas I have in my head!! Crossovers are fun guys!! (I apologise for a bad english in advance. Writing this it a rush.)
"It's ok to ask for help." (A Reverse Of Feathers And Mud by @jess-the-vampire)
I couldn't make a crossover meme without the legend. Sorry, not sorry. He is such a sad lad but tries to stay positive and be happy for his family uydfykudsutsudskudsluds (*dies*). I have to admitt, Caleb's dad energy is too strong for me to handle without wanting a hug him. No wonder! He was THE grandpa for centuries straight without a break. At least Caleb gets his whole family together in the end. Comics with him and either Hunter and Philip or Luz and Eda make me run in cirles around the room aaaa.
"You are not a burden." (Brother's Keeper by @idoodlestuffsometimes)
Damn, you definetly created one of the darkest AU in the fandom. Each time I re-read AU related posts I scream my lungs out because it is so angsty and so great. I am genuinely scared of your Belos ngl, because.. this man didnt loose anything and he still proceeds to do all that stuff. Enconter with him has 0 survival rate.
POOR CALEB! At least in the world of memes he had an opportunity to flee the captivity twice (the bald head and the car). This man had no moment of mental rest for centuries oh my God. One of my friends wants to fight his brother personally to protec Caleb at all cost sksksk. Well, at least Hunter will always have an actually loving relative! And if the happy ending is going to be canon, I think the future looks great, especially knowing how much pain all your characters go through currently. (And I think both Caleb and Hunter would need the "you are not a burdain" affirmations. At least some form of support in their situation.)
You said in the latest ask-answer that BK!Caleb was supposed to have white streaks in his hair so I attempted to add them. Hope they look fine! Colors for the outfit I got from Belos, so they would match, I guess???
"Murder is okay." (Loose Strings by @oldmanpip)
My bro, brother, friend... Despite you being not to involved on the discord server, my brain is still rotting with your great awesome AUs. And I know you know that. Your Caleb is really loose in all sences of that word and I love that. Wonder if your AUs will ever be available to the public. Because oh boy oh boy they deserve to be recognised. (Loose Caleb is such a conservative grandpa who never did anything wrong, wdym?)
"Your feelings matter." (Pip In Time by @celestialscribbler)
Honestly? Man, your comic is the reason I got invested in Witteclaw couple at all. Even if the "Pip in time" is not their story, but you wrote their teen romance so sweetly. Those two melted my heart... I scream each time I re-read your comic for 100th time. Just WOAH my brain goes brrr! And Caleb as a character is also written really really well. I love him so much. He is such good brother but MAN HE NEEDS A BREAK FROM BEING AN ADULT! BOY! Insirt crying and heart emojis here.
(PS: hope you still care about your health!)
My thoughts:
I have been drawing this for more than a month I think? And the only reason for that is my university. I hope to actually get an ADHD diagnosis because something is clearly wrong with me. But thats not the point.
There are so many ideas in my head. Goofy and not. The only problem is that I have less and less ability to do what I want lately. I wish I could bring them all to life, but at the same I dont know if anyone will be interested. Would AU crossovers look too self-indulgent? Or nah? Idk. (Just Grimwalker-Isle already has so much potential for stupid ridiculous fun I am runnin on coffee juice.)
Litteraly my mind is plagued with different fun plots and possibilities I am going crazy. But I also have A TON of WIPs that I need to finish. Perhaps I will attempt to manage everything at once, but, no promises.
Wish me luck on my exams!
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oliveisme533 · 2 months
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My dad's neighbor is a dilf
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Chapter 2
Joel Miller x you
Summery: You had decided to spend your summer in Austin with your dad. You used to spend almost every summer there, but hadn't spent a summer there since you were a teenager. Which means you hadn't seen a certain Joel Miller in years..
Warnings: Verbally abusive boyfriend. Talks of mental health and self harmI will put a sign for what paragraph to skip if you want to avoid that content
Of fucking course Ben would call you... your rub your temple and groan. "It's too late for this shit" you mutter to yourself and flick off the light with a little more force than you intended.
Sunday morning you slept in. It wasn't until about 11:00 that you heard your dad banging around in the kitchen downstairs. You drag yourself out of bed, highly motivated by the smell of coffee making its way to your nose. As your feet hit the landing toilet freeze, the fog of sleep dissipates instantly and your insides turn to liquid. "It's really no problem! I can have it fixed in a couple hours, plus you don't want to wait around with that kind of shit. It can turn into a much bigger problem real quick if you don't take care of it soon" that was Joel's voice. What is Joel doing in your kitchen at 11am on a Sunday?!! Especially when he was just here..last night? Do him and my dad really spend that much time together?? You contemplate running back upstairs but then your dad catches a glimpse of you before you can execute your plan. "Well hey babydoll! Didn't know if you were still alive up there" you offer him a grunt in response as you make your way to the coffee pot. "Good morning to you too" he laughs. "Oh hey, the water is going to be shut off in a bit because there's a leak in the water pipes upstairs. Joel said he would take care of it so water should be back on in an hour or so." "Do you just call Joel instead of a plumber these days?" You question your dad with a raised eyebrow. He chuckles "no, I basically sent him a text this morning asking for his opinion on whether or not this needed to be fixed asap or it was no big deal. I was going to call someone on Monday, but he insisted". Your dad lowered his voice slightly as he then said "between you and me...I think he's trying to stay real busy these days. I know having Sarah with her mom for the summer has been a really hard adjustment for him" that seemed logic enough to you and you said as much to your dad before Joel came back through the front door carrying several tools.
"Well good morning sunshine" he said with a smile that stirred inside of you. "One of these days I oughta teach your dad how to be useful around the house so he can carry on without me" "yeah you two are like a married couple" you joked. Joel chuckled "mmm well who could resist this handsome man" he said gesturing to himself. You rolled your eyes "you're old" it was a cheap shot, but also you secretly would admit his age because you were curious. He laughed and said "yeah Sarah says the same to me" but he didn't say anything else. He walked out of the kitchen and began up the stairs towards the leaky pipe or whatever the hell he was here to fix. As soon as he was out of sight you flung your head back "why...why couldn't dad just call a freakin plumber" you resolved to deal with the Ben situation after you had some breakfast in your stomach. It was not something you were particularly looking forward too, but you knew he wouldn't let up until you responded. Sure you could block him, but it wasn't like he was some tinder date gone wrong. You two had spent years together, not to mention you were adults who needed to handle the situation like adults and not take the easy way out.
After breakfast you found an outfit that wasn't an old t-shirt and shorts with little owls on them. You were still mortified that Joel saw this look. "Okay you can do this" you breathed, picking up your phone and tapping Ben's name." Of course he picked up almost immediately. "Hey.. how are you?" You responded politely, but quickly veered the conversation to what he really wanted to talk about. "Well, I've been thinking. I really think you and I are meant to be together. It just feels right, and I know I haven't always been the best at showing up or just being a good boyfriend in general, but now I really feel I'm ready for that level of commitment" there was a short pause
"listen, Ben ... I just don't see it that way. I've spent too much time over the years being disappointed by your actions. I've broke my own heart so many times because I convinced myself you were really going to change and then to I didn't. I can't do that anymore. We're too old for this. I'm glad you feel like you're ready to commit and I hope you find a girl who is too, but at this point in my life I just can't offer you that." You had feared he would be angry, but weren't prepared for what came next. ⚠️CW⚠️ "Are you fucking serious?? Like after all these years you're just going to throw all that away?! Like honestly I didn't need to come back and give you another chance but I did and" "GIVE ME another chance?!! What the fuck Ben..HOW do you even see it that way??" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN??" He shouted back "babe I have put up with so much of your shit over the years and now I'm saying that it doesn't matter and I'm going to stick around regardless of all that!" Oh now he has crossed a line "MY SHIT?! WHAT, PRAY TELL ARE YOU REFERRING TOO?!" "I have had to do SO MUCH for you like when your mental health is bad you just shut off completely. It's like trying to be in a relationship with a fucking wall! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS...WHAT KIND OF TOLL THAT TAKES ON ME." Hot tears of anger were streaming down your cheeks. "I CANNOT believe you said that! Did you ever consider how hard it is FOR ME in those times?! Like honestly Ben you only think about yourself." "Oh really is that why I took off work so I could drive you to the hospital when you slit your wrists and you called me, crying?? Obviously that shows I care for you! You cannot tell me I only care about myself when I had to do that kind of shit for you!" Your chest was now rising and falling very rapidly. You certainly were not thinking about how loud you were being right now, but luckily your dad was outside mowing the lawn, well out of earshot. "Ben that is the bare MINIMUM A PERSON CAN DO. Like you're really hanging that over my head??! fucking grow up! God FORBID YOU TAKE THE TIME TO DRIVE ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM DURING THE WORK DAY. How about we talk about all the shit I've done for YOU over the years." You could now hear him laughing. A hollow laugh, but a laugh all the same. "Oh DONT EVEN. What could you POSSIBLY have done to compare to me being your GODDAMN NURSE when you're a grown adult." It was all too much. You were all but sobbing at this point. "You are such an ASSHOLE Ben! Don't EVER call me again! THIS IS OVER. I will NEVER love you and you will NEVER speak to me this way again. If you so much as text me...I'm going to get fucking restraining order!" You choked out. "A RESTRAINING ORDER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? My dads a literal LAWYER you know that right babe?! I'm NOT going to let that happen!" "Do you even hear yourself right now??! LEAVE ME THE. FUCK. ALONE."
                            End of CW
You hang up the call and crumple to your bed with heaving sobs. You are interrupted by a knock on your door. Presuming it's your dad you walk over to open in and all but fling yourself out the door way knowing he's standing right then ready to hold you. Hug you and tell you everything will be okay like you're 13 or something. The blurred your vision and it was not your dad on the other side of the door. Your head hit his chest and you flung your arms up around his neck. "Dad I hate boys!" You sobbed. But then you realized the height wasn't right, the smell wasn't right, the arms and chest weren't right...
you practically jumped backwards and to your horror saw Joel Miller standing before you. His soft puppy dog eyes heavy with concern and care. "I-um sorry. I assumed it was my dad or I never would have" Joel held up a hand to cut you off. "It okay, you don't need to apologize...I've got a daughter of my own don't think I haven't had the same hug and those same tears." His voice was soft and gentle, and he smiled at the last comment. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." You could only nod. "It's none of my business, but this guy sounds like bad news and it's a matter of your safety...does your dad know about all this?" You nodded again. "Yes he knows about Ben...although I'll need to update him on the new low that Ben stooped to today. But my dad knows and I feel safe...and in blocking Ben's number." Joel's brows were knit together. "Okay...I don't need to know about but your dad does and it sounds like you've got a good thing going there." You felt awkward and more than anything wanted to disappear and forget this interaction ever took place. You shifted your weight from one foot to the other and picked at your fingers "um yeah I think everything with be fine now" you said awkwardly. "Alright well I apologize for intruding into your private life, but I'm glad you're safe and under your dads roof." He started to walk away when you heard yourself say "Thank you Joel..I really appreciate it."he smiled at you and said "don't mention it" "You better finish up fixing that leak before my dad finds something else to break." Joel laughed "don't worry I'm just about done and I'll be out of yalls way in a jiffy." What a day... and it's only noon
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