#honestly wondering if that trip was a double date

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

We Must Know, How Did it End?

“It was tricky, really. Writing songs that come from a place of pain isn’t usually my thing,” Sirius says, plastering a polite smile onto his face. “It’s difficult to describe a feeling that’s so… overwhelming.” 

Peter smiles back, and Sirius can see the empathy etched across his face. 

“Okay, I think we have time for some audience questions,” Pete says, turning to the audience. Sirius follows his gaze to a crew member handing a mic over to a young woman. 

“Hi, uh, hi. I was just wondering if your album is based on your recent breakup? With Remus?” 

His name alone makes the blood freeze in Sirius’ veins. The fan isn’t wrong, his album is essentially all about Remus. It doesn’t stop his heart from stuttering at the mention of Remus. It brings memories that he’s been trying to write out of his system back to the front of his mind. They bring a lump into his throat, and he has to blink harshly to fight back any semblance of a visceral reaction. 

Thankfully, Peter steps in. 

“You know what? Let’s move on. Anyone else?” 

In spite of a few grumblings, the microphone travels further, landing with another fan. 

“Hey. I was just wondering if you ever think that Remus dated you for the fame? I mean, his follower count has doubled since you two-” 

“No, I don’t think that,” Sirius cuts in sharply. Apparently, his need to defend Remus is stronger than his hurt at their breakup. Peter is opening his mouth to speak, probably to move on again, but Sirius isn’t ready to move on. “Of course I don’t think that. Remus’ talent speaks for itself. He doesn’t need me to be his way to break out in the dance world. We might not be together anymore, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is still one of the most genuine people I have ever met. Honestly, his kindness is indescribable. Everything I said while we were together was true. That relationship was the realest thing I’ve ever had, okay? Us breaking up doesn’t diminish that.” 

The whole studio has lapsed into silence, and Sirius is really regretting the way he went about that now. Even Peter’s watching him in shock. Eventually, he seems to remember his own job, clearing his throat and breaking out into a smile. 

“Okay! It’s about time for us to move on…” 

Sirius is pretty sure that he’s been in a trance for the past hour. He doesn’t even remember the trip back to his house. All he knows is that he’s been scrolling through his tagged posts as his manager, Benjy, shouts at him over the phone. 

“This is, without a doubt, the most irresponsible thing you’ve ever done!” 

“I didn’t think it was that bad,” Sirius grumbles under his breath. Unfortunately, Benjy has the ears of a fucking hawk. 

“If you weren’t a public figure, and I wasn’t your fucking PR Manager, I would think it was sweet, Sirius! However, calling your relationship with Remus the realest thing you’ve ever had?! That gives tabloids every opportunity under the sun to call you obsessive!”

“Yeah, well, it needed to be said,” Sirius says decisively. He’s not wrong. In what world could anyone ever see Remus as anything less than kind? Yeah, they haven’t seen the way Remus would hold Sirius through his panic attacks, say the dumbest things just to watch him smile, or the dance. The one Remus dedicated to him. The one Sirius really should delete from his camera roll. 

“God, Sirius, you’re so lucky that I actually like you.” Benjy interrupts his train of thought, thankfully, letting out a groan as Sirius refreshes Instagram for the fifteenth time. “However, now you need to lay low until people forget that this happened.” 

“What? That I defended him? Just because he’s my ex doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to say anything nice about him!” 

“Yes it does. You can’t say anything too bad, or anything too nice. You have to be neutral. Peter was about to gloss past the question, anyway!” Sirius rolls his eyes, grateful that Benjy can’t see him as he goes scrolling again. He’s being called obsessive in countless different ways by news outlets, people who hate him, and people who have decided that his and Remus’ breakup means that it’s time to take sides. As he looks through them, he’s barely even pausing. 

Until he reaches a post with Remus’ face at the front of it. 

As much as he knows that he shouldn’t, he wants to watch it. He’s spent a lot of time watching the videos he promised James that he’d deleted and crying, but those were videos Sirius had filmed himself. They were personal. He hasn’t interacted with anything that Remus has posted publicly. He doesn’t actually want to be a stalker. 

This feels… different. Mostly because this one has his name on it. 

‘REMUS LUPIN BREAKS SILENCE ABOUT EX BOYFRIEND SIRIUS BLACK:’ 

“Yeah, okay, Benjy, I’ll stay silent,” Sirius says quickly, zoning out. 

“Oh, really? Thanks. That was easy-” 

“Okay, bye.” He hangs up before Benjy can say anything else, immediately playing the video. 

It’s from one of Remus’ livestreams. His face is flushed a slight red, like it usually is after rehearsal, sitting on the floor in his studio. Sirius hates how endearing he finds it. He’s just talking, comments rolling in and the radio playing, when Sirius catches the message. It’s just another one calling him a stalker, but it stops Remus in his tracks. 

“Right, you all need to leave Sirius alone,” Remus says decisively. The way his name sits in Sirius’ mouth brings a lump into his throat all over again. He really needs to stop crying over Remus, it’s getting a little sad. Maybe he is obsessive. “He isn’t stalking me. I actually haven’t spoken to him at all. Listen, the- the breakup was amicable, okay? We don’t hate each other, and we really don’t need people taking sides. All he did was defend me, which he didn’t have to do. It was nice of him, yeah, but it doesn’t make him obsessive. He’s just being a good person, he can’t help that.” Sirius smiles to himself, face warming at the compliment. 

Okay, he is obsessed. 

Still, it’s so unbelievably Remus to be so willing to defend him. To immediately assume the best about Sirius. 

Just when Sirius expects the clip to end, a different song starts playing. He recognises it straight away. It’s one from his new album. 

‘ I told the moon about you… ’ 

Remus’ eyes widen at the words. At Sirius ’ words. He never has been any good at hiding the first thought that flits across his face. 

“Sorry, I’m, er… I’ve got to go. Thanks for- for watching, yeah,” Remus says hurriedly. 

That’s when the clip ends. 

For what feels like the thousandth time, Sirius wants to be in the same room as Remus, to have the privilege of finding out exactly what is going on in his head. He wants to press his thumb against the furrow in Remus’ brow and watch his face relax. Christ, he just wants to touch him, really. His forehead, his hand, his shoulders, his waist, anywhere . With a groan, he drops his head into his hands. He’s actually pathetic. James is the only one who’s allowed to hear about this, and Sirius is pretty sure he needs a stern talking to from him right about now. 

There’s a knock at his front door, which Sirius assumes is James. It’s like the man can read his mind. The knocking is a little… frantic, but James is bouncy, it’s not exactly out of the ordinary. 

He walks slowly over to the door, reaching out and pulling it open. 

The moment he catches a glimpse of the familiar amber eyes, every muscle in Sirius’ body freezes. 

Remus. 

He hasn’t seen him in three months. Not since he left Sirius’ house, got on a plane, and didn’t come back. Sirius has spent a countless number of minutes trying to recall every single detail about Remus, looking at photos of the two of them, wishing that he had spent more time etching every line, every freckle, into his brain. He thought he had, really, but he was right in his interview. Remus is indescribable. 

For a moment, they just look at each other, Remus’ mouth slightly ajar as though he hadn’t expected Sirius to open the door. He almost seems like he doesn’t know how he got there. 

Well, until Sirius speaks. 

“M- Remus? What- what are you…?” He trails off, watching the way Remus’ features set to something much more sure. 

“Sirius, I love you,” he says suddenly. They’re words Sirius never expected to hear coming from Remus again. “I’m still in love with you, and I’m tired of pretending that I haven’t regretted every single step that I’ve taken since I left here. I- God, Sirius, I think we made a mistake. I- I know what we said, what we agreed on. It was too difficult with our schedules, we were both being too distant, fighting over little things,” he lists everything like it’s pointless, as Sirius tries to get his brain to fucking wake up and work. “And I get it, Sirius. I really do get it, I understand, but I’d take thousands of fights over- over dishes, or hogging blankets, instead of having to do these months all over again. This is going to sound really sad, and really bloody pathetic, but I’ve watched the videos of you writing songs in my flat more time than I can fucking count since we broke up! You told the moon about me? I know that line. I’d know it anywhere. It’s the one right before I turned the camera off and kissed you. It just made me- I don’t know, I didn’t think hearing it like that would hurt so much.” He seems to be hit with a completely different emotion, some sense of regret, and it’s probably Sirius’ fault, since he doesn’t seem to be able to get his voice to work. He can sing night after night, go on countless talk shows, but apparently this is what it takes to render Sirius speechless. “I know I’m probably overstepping a boundary, and this is really fucking stupid of me, but I- I want to try again.” 

Yeah, the words really aren’t going to come out. He’s going to have to find some other way to tell Remus exactly how he feels. 

“If I didn’t say something I just know that I’d regret it for the rest of my life. So tell me to leave and I will. I’ll turn around and- and I’ll move country. You’ll never have to see me again-” 

He can’t say anything else, because Sirius is kissing him. 

He isn’t even sure when he made the decision to do it. It’s almost like a reflex, the first thing to come naturally to him. 

There’s not a second of regret that comes with it, though. 

Before he can even figure out where he got the idea to do that, Remus’ arms are around Sirius’ waist, pulling him closer and holding him secure, warm, safe . His lips are soft, so familiar that Sirius wants to cry. 

Actually, he is crying. 

Tears start rolling down his face as he pulls away to look at Remus. Thankfully, Remus is crying himself, and somehow also grinning like an idiot, which Sirius can genuinely say is the most beautiful sight he has ever had the privilege to behold. 

“Oh, my god, I love you, Remus. Moony, I love you so much,” he says quickly, hands reaching to cup Remus’ face. 

“So- you- do you want-?” 

“To start again? Pick up from where we left off? Anything, darling. Anything. I’ll take whatever you can give me, if it means I don’t have to try to move on. You’re not someone I can get over. I’ve tried, and I’m convinced that it’s fucking impossible,” Sirius says, making Remus laugh breathlessly and drag him back into a kiss. Not that Sirius is complaining. He would let Remus drag him anywhere. Remus is his everything. His world. 

Oh, my darling, how could I ever have let you go?

#it's been a WHILE since i've written a oneshot #and I'm also not sure what this is #but I lowkey love it #they're so silly #wolfstar #sirius black #wolfstar oneshot #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #young marauders #moony x padfoot #atyd marauders #marauders oneshot

[aphroditesmoon]

you go back to the old house, but you've been locked out

jacaerys velaryon/strong x fem!reader (modern!au)

summary: when your boyfriend finds out that you have never celebrated christmas before, he invites you to have your first with his family.

warnings: *do not read if you have any of the triggers* artist!reader, poc coded reader, depictions of mental illnesses, domestic abuse, physical abuse, mentions of suicide attempts, mentions of ED, mostly fluff, NSFW (SMUT! MINORS DNI!!), blackcat!reader and goldenretriever!jace, only rhaenyra's children with harwin exists in this au, title and fic inspired by There must be more than blood by Car Seat Headrest.

wc: 17.4K

a/n: this is for my babies who think they're unlovable of some sort, you are not too much or not enough, and you are completely lovable and you will find the rght kind of love for you one day.

When you first told Jacaerys that you have never actually celebrated Christmas before, you didn't think it would pull out such an intense reaction.

You've been dating him for about 4 months now, the two of you agreed to take things slow under your request, but by this point, you both have grown comfortable enough around each other to move forwards past the small talk stage.

And it is in these moments that you genuinely wonder if all the new small details and information about yourself that you had initially held from him before would cause any issues within the relationship. For example, the fact that you've never celebrated Christmas, or how you have an antipathy for your birthday and double dates. You also don't believe in celebrating annual anniversaries.

In the second month of your relationship with Jace, you discovered how important anniversaries were to him and it was an honestly amusing idea to you. But after you noticed how disappointed he was to find out that you didn't care for the special day, you decided to let his predilection for it prevail.

Plus it was just like having an extra special date every month that you didn't have to pay for, what's the harm in that?

Upon finding out that Christmas was a foreign concept to you, he asks you if it was a religion thing at first. You weren't particularly religious, nor are you against it in any way, then he asked you if it had anything to do with the whitewashing of Jesus Christ. You laughed until you realized he was serious.

"No, it's nothing to do with the whitewashing of Jesus of Nazareth." He raised a brow in suspicion. "Are you sure? Cause if it is then I fully support you." You smiled and him and shook your head in assurance. "I've just never celebrated it for some reason."

"But why?" He asked again, pushing for a good answer. Jace loved christmas, that one was easy to tell. You're just not sure if it's because he had strong family values and loved spending time with his family or because he really loved gifts and knew that he'd get good ones every year thanks to the fact that he is rich.

"My family never celebrated christmas, so I never did." You answered decisively. "Are they superstitious or something?" You replied no. "I guess my parents just didn't see what good it can do besides making a waste of money." Your financial situation was a touchy topic, you could see him leaving it at that, ending the interrogation. "So what'll you do on this 30th?" He asks instead.

"What I always do, stay at my apartment, maybe go on a shopping trip with all the Christmas discounts." His eyes widen in horror as if you've just told him that you had killed a man. "You're spending Christmas alone?" You could laugh at his worry if you didn't think that it would hurt his feelings. "Well, my roommate is flying back to her hometown."

"So, why don't you fly back home too? It's not just christmas, the semester break is over 2 weeks." You shrugged and went over some excuses in your head before settling for one. "Believe me, they'd rather I stay here and focus on my studies. There'd be no point anyway, since you know, I don't celebrate Christmas." His lips thinned as he analyzes you in the most obvious way possible, making you groan internally in your head.

Jace was a problem solver. You learned that very quick into your relationship.

He always tries to make the best out of every condition he's put into. And you can tell how much the idea of you being alone for two weeks bugged him. "Two weeks flies faster than you'll realize, I'm telling you Jace, I'm used to this." Oh that wouldn't cut it for him. "What if you came home with me?"

You blinked at him in confusion, his words registering very slowly. "No." You say the first thing you thought of.

His mouth makes an O shape in offense. "Why not?" You rolled your eyes. "You ask that question a lot." "If you answer me for real this time, I won't ask you that again for at least 5 days." You fought back a smile. "Fine. Because it's weird." He frowned. "No it's not, why would it be?"

"Because I've never met your family before, Jace." He shrugged in a careless manner. "Well, there's no time more perfect than Christmas."

Everything is so easy with you, you thought to yourself. Sometimes you wondered if he has ever been caught up in the anxiety of things possibly not going his way for at least once in his life. You weren't bitter, it's genuine curiosity. Jacaerys looked like the type of person who has never been afraid to take a chance with new and risky opportunities. One of them being you. He is either very lucky or very positive. Which in the case of him being incredibly privileged, both.

You took a deep breath before settling your back against the plush of the cushion of your hallway. He understood the indescribable look you gave him and leaned in to place his hands on your shoulder.

"My mom has wanted to see you for ages, there's nothing to be nervous about, I swear." You cocked your head at him. "You've already told your mom about me?" He grinned. "Yeah, she thinks you're pretty. "

Your eyes widened. "You showed her my picture?" He nodded. Oh well, this was inevitable, you told yourself. Really, can you even blame him? Every course of action he has taken so far has only proved himself to be as good as you figured he was from the moment you two met each other. Well at least his mom thinks I'm pretty.

It wasn't that you hated people or disliked socializing so much, moreso that it was just state of normalcy for you. You have friends of course, and you talk to other people, but up until you met Jace, all the other people in your life have always been viewed as a convenience. Association by luck and not exactly a friendship grounded by any sort of deep connection or intimacy.

You gave up trying to pursue or look for that kind of relationship a long time ago. And just when you expected it the least, Jacaerys came into your life and somehow managed to become an intregal part of it. 4 months later, you wonder if it's too early for you to confess that you're unable to really remember your life before him.

You let out a sigh, letting him pull you closer. "Is it not too fast? If this is because you don't like me staying alone, I swear I'm used to it." He didn't say anything at first and only embraced you with his chin resting over your head.

He was either thinking deeply about whatever you just said or he's waiting for you to give in. "2 weeks is a long time, I wouldn't even want to be around my family for 2 weeks." You say, trying to get him to relent.

"We leave on the second week of the break then. We could stay here for the first." It wasn't a bad suggestion, and you know it's not fair to him for you to be holding up all the cards. He deserves to have a say in certain things, and one week with his family sounded like a good compromise.

"I'll think about it." You told him at last. And by the look of his face, he knows he has won. He lowers his head down to kiss you, and you welcome it with ardor.

—

You first met Jacaerys 6 months ago at a frat party. Your project partner Cregan had invited you over, even knowing that oarties were never really your thing. But you were having a bad day and thought, why not?

On your way to the bathroom, you bumped into him. The two of you walked in opposite ways right onto each other. He apologized profusely and had taken your abrasive wave off hand as you made your way to the bathroom as a sign that you were offended. So he waited until you were done peeing so he could apologize again.

You were 5 drinks in dazed and confused, not exactly drunk but not really sober. You figured he probably wanted to hook up because who the hell apologizes this much for bumping into someone. So you glared at him and told him to fuck off.

You never saw him again for the rest of the party. But about 30 minutes later, you decided you were done with the badly remixed disco music and alcohol that tastes like fruit punch and wanted to return to your apartment. You weren't staying in dorms since you managed to rent a place nearby with another girl who was studying at the university too. And although it was much further from campus compared to the dorms, it was considered a walking distance.

How lucky you were that he ended up driving by the road you took walking home. You were prepared to flip him off when he turned his window down, asking if you needed a ride. But once you slowed down to actually look at him, you noticed a certain kind of sincerity in his eyes and gave in.

It wasn't often that you get to meet people who were kind for the sake of being kind. Most people are leeches. But not him.

Neither of you said anything throughout the whole ride except when you thanked him before getting off the car. You didn't think you'd ever see him again after that night. But like fated ropes intertwining, he was the first person you saw in your lecture the next day.

He waved at you from the back seat. You stared at him with squinting eyes to make sure it was the right person before you went back to ignoring him. He ended up moving his seat to the front more and more everytime the two of you had the class again, until 2 weeks in, he finally seated himself next to you. "Are you always this persistently annoying?" You had asked him then. "Only with the ones I like" It was stupid, and cliche and most disgustingly, cute.

And so with every encounter, you began to let your guard down and allow the relationship to naturally take it's own course. 2 months later, you officially started dating one of the most fawned over boys on campus.

Its 6.30am on a Sunday as you jog through the quiet streets behind your apartment building. You wiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand, the heat turning your face red. 30 minutes from now, the roads will begin to flood with people walking to work or going on their own daily run. You know this because you've lived here for 3 years now.

When you decided to study at King's Landing University knowing it'll cost an expensive 3 hour flight for every time you'd want to go back home, it was an obvious decision both to yourself and to your family that you weren't really planning on coming back at all.

For all of 3 years you've been studying here, you had only flown back twice. And neither of those times felt worth the money you paid them for.

If this house suffocates you so badly, we'll see how far you'll survive out there all alone. Your mother had said to you 3 days before you went to college for your first year.

You had proved her wrong with your resilience, but at what cost? Your younger sister doesn't remember how you look like, and your older brother still takes every opportunity presented to him to try and belittle you every time the two of you meet.

Your father was ignorant, uncaring. And your mother? She loves you so much, with every bitter insult she throws your way and every provocation she purposely does just to get a reaction.

When you were 13 years old, she had told you to swing yourself off the highest building in response to you accidentally breaking her favourite plate. And at 16, she found herself crying by your bedside after your failed overdose attempt. At 18, she had spat on your face and announced that for as long as she lived, you would never know a life free of guilt and pain without her blessing as a mother.

At 19, The two of you hugged each other for the last time forever before you decided to never look back at that old haunted house.

You slowed down the pace of your jog, interchanging it with casual walking as you take in the sight of the rising sun. How many times have you walked these dewy streets that smelled like trees and dried rain? Too many to count. And yet, as much as you had tried to make a home out of this place, the isolating feeling that surrounded you daily was persistent.

It was the tiny voice in the back of your head saying, don't forget, these people aren't your people, and the face you put on every day that you're here isn't your own.

Loneliness was a kind of misery, but the hollow reassurance and comfort that came with proving yourself right every time a friend leaves you, or a man you thought was interested in you doesn't stay for the night, seemed to be the only constant thing in your life. That was until you met Jacaerys, of course.

You pause the music being played through your earphones, stretching your neck right after and deciding that you're ready to go home.

The flight to Dragonstone was in 3 days and you haven't really began packing. How much stuff did you need for a one week trip anyways? It was one of those moments that made you too anxious to do anything which ends up making you feel even more anxious because you haven't done anything. You do a turnaround and start walking back to your place as you reshuffle your morning playlist. A text from Jace pops up as your phone dings;

J: want 2 get breakfast in 20?

You swiped your phone open as you keep walking on a medium pace, replying with a quick OK.

It was a routine the two of you have build for over 2 months now, you'll do your 40 minutes morning jog and he'll be outside your building just in time for you to be done with your shower, eager to get some breakfast.

You're grateful for his company, it had become something you looked forward for daily. And for someone who has went through a fair share of disappointments, you really hope that this one would work out.

Anxiety plagued your thoughts as you rethink the idea of meeting his family for Christmas, what if they all thought you looked different than your photos? What if you say the wrong things or make the wrong joke and they think you're indecent? What if you say nothing and they all think you're boring?

The walk back home tired you enough to forget about those questions momentarily, but being given enough time to overthink once you reached your apartment and jumped into the shower, you figured you'd talk this out with Jace later.

He would probably just end up saying something sweet and useless like 'don't worry, just be yourself', but it's better than nothing.

The mirror becomes your worst enemy this morning, Fill in The Blank is playing from your phone as you stare at your dead eyes and immortalized eyebags. The only thing staring back at you is a reflection of a tired child. To grow up in a constant state of pain and to still be scared and hurting even after the war has ended was an everyday battle.

Because in your head, and even when you're sleeping, the war replays itself until you're worn out from it. You constantly remind yourself that you are now free, but sometimes the memory of it feels so alive that you end up making a prison of yourself despite the falseness of the alarm going off in your head.

Slipping a black t-shirt over your head while you make an estimation of how long it would take Jace to get here, you also let your mind stray for a bit, wondering if it all would've been easier if you were someone else. If Jace had dated someone else.

Maybe, maybe not. It didn't matter, because in the end you were still you, and you've only got yourself to work with.

You were drying your hair when you received another text from Jace saying taht he had arrived. Turning off the hair dryer, you sent a quick text back telling him that you were still getting ready and that the extra key was under the mat outside your door.

You could hear the front door click open 5 minutes later as you're finally done getting ready.

Exiting your room, you found him waiting by the kitchen, helping himself on some oreos that you just bought yesterday.

"I hope you're planning on paying me back for those cookies." You joked from the hall as you pulled out your hoodie from the coat hanger, slinging it over your shoulder. "I'll be paying you with my wonderful presence." He retorted back.

Once you found your purse, the two of you finally left the house to get some real food. After a few rounds of suggestions, you opted for a nearby cafe for some pancakes, though Jace ended up ordering some waffles instead.

The whole place was very secluded and smaller compared to the other cafes and diners in the area, but the meals were good and they were cheaper than the others too. You felt beyond lucky when you realized that it was just you both there in this hour. There were two other girls seated from the opposite of your table, but it was quiet enough to your liking.

"Are you done packing?" Jace asked expectedly. He was increasingly thrilled at the prospect of celebrating Christmas together with his family and his girlfriend. You shook your head no whilst you slurp up your strawberry milkshake.

"I'll start packing this evening." "Don't forget to bring a charger, and socks, because it'll probably be cold by the time we get there- oh, also you need a winter coat, and no slippers, only boots, do you want me to make you a list?" You smiled at him in amusement and answered no.

"I already made a list, I know what to bring, don't worry." He was worried, or maybe that's not the right word. No, he was excitable. "What about your parents?" He asks suddenly, causing you to pause in surprise. "What about my parents?"

He shrugged and inched closer to the table. "Have you told them you're coming with me for the semester break?" You relaxed your face, shrugging off the shocked expression you initially wore. "I don't think it's necessary, even if I wasn't going with you, I still wouldn't be going home either."

"Oh, okay." The silence was ineffable. You could hear a silent question that he didn't dare ask; why?

Your family was a rarely spoken topic in your relationship with him. It was easy to not overthink it at first, but you knew that Jace had noticed how you try your best to never bring them up.

"Plus-" you felt the necessity to add, "-they would probably be against the idea if I did tell them about it." He shares a look of curiosity, expecting you to elaborate. "My parents are kind of a strict." You chose to say. "So, they don't know that we're dating?" You shook your head. "They sound protective of you." He says it so confidently that it made you laugh dryly.

A bitter smile was painted over your face as you kept your eyes on the food. "Controlling, would be a more fitting term."

When you finally looked up to meet his gaze, you could tell there was more he wanted to ask, or comment on, but you weren't in the mood to start explaining your lore to him. Thinking about your family made you nauseous, and you really wanted to eat the pancakes without throwing up. "Believe me, its better this way." You concluded, making sure he won't have room to continue.

"Anyways, aren't you the one who should be briefing me about your family." Jacaerys grinned and seemingly forgot about your earlier conversation immediately. "There's not really much to say, you know my brothers Luc and Joffrey? They're pretty young, little rascals but harmless most of the time." You nodded earnestly, encouraging him to go on.

"My mom and dad are excited to meet you, you have nothing to worry about, I'm honestly more scared that they'll end up preferring you than me."

You snorted at that. "Ah yes, I do have a reputation with old people. Do you think it's my beautiful face?" He pretends to think for a moment before responding, "Well it can't be your charming personality." A laugh burst out of you at his words, causing you to receive a glare from the girls from the other table. You gasped out suddenly, remembering a small detail you've never discussed before. "I should bring gifts right?" A look of realization passes over Jace's face at the same time.

"I mean it's Christmas, I've never done it before, but I know presents are a thing."

Jace was quick to interject, telling you it's no need. "They wouldn't care, our tradition is all about spending time together, presents are just courtesy." He explained.

"Yes well, I should get them gifts as a courtesy then." He opens his mouth to argue but you shut him down immediately before he could. "I won't get anything crazy, it's just courtesy like you said." A lot of people might perceive you as nonchalant and uncaring, but the truth was you've always been the person who cares too much until it backfires.And as much as you wished you weren't so desperate to make a good first impression, you do want to, deep in your heart you knew that.

"Okay, fine, if you want to. But you can just get them some keychain or mugs, especially for my brothers, they're already being spoiled enough." You smile gratefully for his cooperation and agree on his terms.

—

One of your favorite terms in the world is the term "white lie." Any lie is excusable if you call it a white lie. It was a form of manipulation that you were used to being given. At first, you implemented it in your life as a way to please other people. A way to become more likeable and less of a burden.

You spent your whole teenage life trying to earn bits and pieces of your mother's love.

No, I'm not mad that you didn't get it for me and only bought one for my brother. Yes, it is my fault that I'm too sensitive and defensive every time we argue. No, I can't remember the last time you ever hit me. Not even the one time from last week when you pulled me by my hair, dragging me to the bathroom and used the water hose on me.

The truth soon became the most dangerous thing in your life. Candor wasn't appreciated in your home. You must watch your mouth and accept what you are given gratefully.

The cycle lasted for years until you turned 16. You had grown strong enough to push her back every time she tried to land a hit on you. Strong enough to know what to say to make it hurt for her too.

The white lies soon turned into a form of protection. No, I wasn't smoking weed under the bleachers after school hours just because it felt safer there than it does in my room. No, I don't know why I'm being written down for failing several subjects consecutively for the whole year, I thought I was doing just fine. No, I know you're doing all of this because you love me.

No, I don't think I can book a flight home for 5 days. I just got a new job, there's too much shit to do.

You stare down at your phone, the unread text stared back at your face.

M: I don't blame you for not wanting to come home, but if you want to, you can.

The only message you've gotten for her for the whole year. Her ego wouldn't force her to plead for her only daughter to come back. So she plays saint and paints you as the girl who grew up too fast and forgot all about home.

I love you, mom. You wanted to say. Love wouldn't be enough.

When was the last time she ever said that she loved you? You can never recall. It definitely wasn't the day before you went to college. No, the night before was spent holding you from behind as the two of you slept in your childhood bed. She had her face in the crook of your neck and you heard her whisper when she thought you were asleep; you were my mirror, and I'm sorry I broke you into pieces just so it'd match my cracks.

She laid with you for a few more minutes before getting up to leave. You cried until dawn and never got a wink of sleep right after.

You expected the newfound freedom to feel exhilarating, but instead, you felt more out of place during the first week at the university than you did at home. It was comical, ironic, how the only pair of hands you wanted to comfort you were the same ones that had beaten bruises on your skin. I miss you, you almost texted her.

Was it still considered a white lie or a form of manipulation if the only person you wanted to trick was yourself? No, I'm not upset that she never called or texted to ask if I've safely landed. No, I never wonder if she regrets everything she's done to me. No, I don't hate her so much sometimes that it could be translated as a child throwing a tantrum just to get their parents to pay attention to her. No, I don't like having one night stands just to know what it's like to be touched without being inflicted with pain.

No, I never wake up from dreams of you loving me the same way you loved your son and consider it a nightmare instead.

But of all times you've dreamt of her, this time you woke up from it with the only person you wanted comfort from, still sleeping next to you. And for the first time since you could remember, it was not your mother.

Your eyes remained on your phone screen, hung up on every word of the message. Glancing once at your boyfriend, you turn back to your phone to switch it off before you move to lay back under the covers.

---

It was 8 days before Christmas. Watching snow fall from the sky was somehow more magical than getting to sit on a first class plane for the first time

You tried to take pictures from above, but the snow didn't look as clear and visible through the phone as it did from your eyes.

You're hands are fully gloved, with your little bunny designed ear muffs that Jace bought for you a few days ago.

"I feel like that thing from Big Hero 6." You told him before leaving. "His name is Baymax, put some respect on it." Was his response before he pinched your cheeks with both hands.

4 hours later, the two of you are strapped in comfortable seats, the cold getting stronger, and you're both grateful for the winter jackets you had on.

"It's so beautiful." You spoke, looking out from the small window. "Yeah, beautiful." When you twisted your neck to look at him, he was already staring at you. "What?" You asked. He shrugged, face blank. "Nothing."

Neither of you broke eye contact. Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what has trying to tell you. He blinked. You were gonna ask what again until it hit you. "Jace, no."

"I didn't even say anything." He whined, defending himself. "We're not having sex on a plane." "See, I didn't even have to say it, you were just thinking the same thing." You fought the urge to roll your eyes, cocking your head to the side, baffled at his suggestion.

"Do you know how many germs there are on this plane?" He shrugged again. "It's first class." You throw your hands up in frustration. "It's times like these that I remember you're a jock." He should've been offended, but he was still confused about what you mean.

"This place is full of germs, it's not even advisable to wash your face or do skin care on a plane because that's how dirty the air is." You patiently explained, watching him get more confused. "But we're not doing skincare, we're doing each other." You turned away, groaning loudly with your eyes closed.

"You're so boring." He complained like a child. "I'm also gonna snitch on your mom if you don't get your shit together." He snorted at that, pulling out his headphones out of his small slingbag. "She won't believe you, I'm her baby." "Yeah, you are a baby."

His head snapped at you immediately, before he could come up with a smart response that probably would have to do something to do with his penis, You pushed his head back to the other side, patting his cheeks like you would a toddler and quickly put on your headphones.

He turned around again and said something, but at that point you already turned up the volume. "Sorry, I can't hear you baby." He stuck his tongue out in annoyance. You thought you heard him mutter 'baymax looking ass' but didn't react as you didn't want him to think he won.

The flight was 2 and a half hours long. You were sure you could stay awake for that amount of time, but once the flight attendant brought out the heated blanket, the both of you were down in 5 minutes.

The pilot said something through the comm that you were too sleepy to hear once the plane had finally reached the destination. You wiped your eyes with the back of your fists groggily and began shaking Jace to wake up while yawning.

The first nudge did nothing, you started tapping him on the shoulder, which by the 6th tap, you finally got a response; "5 more minutes please."

Only when you leaned closer into his ears and blew air into it does he jolt up, eyes wincing. "That tickles." He murmured, wiping his hand over his tired face. "We're about to land." You informed him, taking your headphones off and passing it to him to keep in his bag. "Okay."

You were honestly eager to get your cramped ass out of the plane, but as you refresh yourself with bottled water, the realization dawned upon you. His mother, or father, would be waiting at the airport.

The comm dinged again as the pilot announced landing. The flight attendants were all quick to get to their seat once a loud zooming noise startled everyone. "There we go." You mumbled under your breath.

He helped you up once you were able to take the seat belt off. Jace slings his bag over his shoulder and uses his right hand to carry your extra duffle bag, his left hand intertwined with yours, helping you descend down the stairs before him.

"Let me hold it." You offered, but he shook his head no. "If my mom or dad saw me making you carry anything they'll strangle me." He sounded serious so you let him penguin walk with your hands still holding his, making your way over the baggage section.

"Are you excited." He asks, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "Over the moon." You answered with a tight smile. If he noticed the sarcasm, he didn't comment on it. "Good, I promise this will be your best Christmas yet." He sounded so convincing that it made you smile against your will.

"It's literally my first Christmas, so I don't think there'll be any competition yet, Jace." "Exactly." You laughed quietly, letting him take the lead as you walked through the crowded space of the airport. Once you got on the elevator, you were going to ask him if he could see his parents from here, but he cut you to it by shouting loudly and waving both your hands up in the air. "We're here!"

Jesus fuck, you thought. If you were anywhere else, you would've immediately pulled his arm down, what with everyone around you glaring at him. But his parents were watching, and you saw his parents wave back excitedly, thankfully neither were yelling back.

The first observation you make as you begin to near them was how much he looked like his father. His mother looked exquisitely different than him. She was beautiful, with platinum blonde hair tied in a bun, her eyes smiled every time her lips did. You found yourself with a small smile, beaming at their joy as his mother started walking towards you both. I don't think I've ever seen anyone's parents this happy to have their child back home.

"Finally." You hear his mother sigh out as she pulls Jacaerys in a hug. She was quick to pull away so she could get a good look at his face. "Look at you, exactly the same." He rolls his eyes. "It's been like 6 months." She ignored his wit and pushed him aside to take you in. You didn't have the time to extend a hand as she pulls you in an embrace too. You yelped at first but hugged her back easily and smiled at her.

"So this is the sweetheart Jace has been keeping from me?" She joked, holding the side of your face with her palms. "I think I should be the one saying that." You didn't know why you said that, but it made her laugh heartily, only after you said it did you realize that it sounded like you were flirting with your boyfriend's mom.

From the corner of your eyes you could see Jace walking over to you with his father. "Have you eaten yet? You must be famished."

L That's another thing you noticed about his family. They use words like famished. The way his mother spoke sounded regal, you could even say royalty.

"Oh it's fine, I've already had some cheesecake on the plane." Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, seeing that her frown deepens. "Oh, that's barely lunch, and it's almost tea time too."

You thought tea time was a myth honestly, something British people made up to sound funny, like the monarchy. As far as you can remember, you grew up only eating one full meal a day at home. Your mother would buy you nothing else and asked if you were really that hungry, you'd assert another white lie and tell her that you really can't eat too much anyways and that your appetite is small.

As you grew older, your appetite did grow smaller, but it ended up making you feel guilty every time you wanted to eat more than once a day, as you would feel like you don't deserve it.

"It's fine, we've cooked up a nice meal back home, once you get yourself cleaned up, we can all eat together." She was incredibly soft spoken, and she looked at you in a very motherly manner. Your thank you was cut off as you hear her husband called out. "Rhaenyra-'' he appears by her side, smiling widely at you, his features remarkably similar to his son. "There you are, the prettiest girl he's ever seen, eh?" He winked at Jace, making him stutter, turning red. "Dad please-" He ignores him just like Rhaenyra did before.

"Well how do you do?" You shook hands with his father, introducing yourself. At least this time you didn't say anything that sounds like you're trying to seduce Jace's father.

Once the formalities was over, his father helped pick up the baggage that finally arrived, they have a large range rover, more than enough to fit 2 weeks worth of clothes. Jace was going to sit in the back with you, but his mother wacked him in the head and told him to sit up front. "You can't bring your girlfriend over and then hoggle her for yourself." She warned him as climbed up the back seat after you.

You're not sure if the reason you're absolutely terrified to look at Rhaenyra was because she doesn't look like a mother of 3 or because you wanted to impress her. But you tried your best to appear calm as her husband started driving. ��Have you eaten anything yet sweetheart?” He asks from the front, equally as sweet as his wife.

“Uh, I had a cheesecake-” “Oh a cheesecake? For the whole day? That's not good, Jace, why didn't you buy her anything.” He scolded his son.

“She didn't want anything else-” “That can't be true, you little pig, you can't eat so much and then starve your girlfriend!”

“I'm really fine.” Your assurance wasn't acknowledged as his mother joined in. “That's right, you're lucky we cooked something up.” “She had a cheesecake-” Jace attempts to defend himself, which only made his father snort. “You know how plane foods are, they’re tiny!” You nodded in agreement, quietly whispering, “Yeah they are.” Which earned you a glare from Jace. He did try to get you to eat more, but like he said, you weren't interested. “Already teaming up against me.” He mumbled in annoyance.

The whole car ride home was peaceful. They continued to make small talk with you, asking if you've ever went skiing before, apparently it's something they did every Christmas. “Don't worry, it's quite easy, Jace could teach you when we go together.” Rhaenyra said to you later.

“Does your parents know you're here? We don't want to steal you away from them for your sem break.” Rhaenyra asked apologetically. Why did everyone care so much about whether your parents knew or not? “Oh yeah, they don't mind.” The lie came on so naturally that you forgotten about Jace being told the opposite. He snuck a glance at you but it was too quick that you didn't manage to catch his reaction. ”Good, good.” Rhaenyra concluded, relieved to hear it.

The car pulls up into a guarded neighborhood. You weren't surprised to see that most of the houses inside are mansions, perfected with their own large car porches and a garden. And you weren't surprised to see the house they finally reached in the end was as equally large as the others. The outside walls were gray and cream coloured, you could seentwo different entrances from the side and from the front by the porch.

“Home sweet home.” Jace spoke from his seat. If your house looked like that than it'd be a sweet home too.

—-

It wasn't a bad dream that jolted you awake tonight. But rather the jarring change of surrounding that you weren't used to. Jace lays on his side, an arm lazily hung over your waist. It was his snoring that pulled you out if your confusion. The white and large curtains covering the see through doors of the balcony looked unfamiliar because they aren't yours, they're Jace's.

And the reason why the floor felt so cold once you placed both your feet on the ground after you've gently push his hands off to climb off the bed was because it's made of marble, not concrete like you were used to.

Slipping into the bathroom quietly and turning on the sink tap, the brutal coldness of the water made you wince. You let your fingers familiarize with the feeling before wiping it over your dull face.

It was 2am, the clock hung on the walls of the dimly lit room read. A dreaded and fatigued part of you wanted to get back to bed, but there was a restlessness growing inside of your bones. Today is the third day that you've been here, 6 days until Christmas. You had spent the past few days helping Rhaenyra bake gingerbread cookies and joined in snowball fights with Jace and his siblings.

Your boyfriend definitely had more fun than his younger brothers. How fun it was to be able to chuck 7 snowballs in a row at his girlfriend's face before she starts chasing him into the snowflake covered woods threatening to dropkick him.

You thought things have been going pretty well so far. At first you had worried that your quiet personality would somehow make things awkward, but you seemed to have fit in rather easily with them.

You weren't shy or anything, just more reserved than most. And not that you'd ever tell Jace to his face, but Joffrey probably was your favourite. He was the youngest and the cutest. At first he had completely ignored you on the first night that you arrived, but the next day during breakfast he showingly changed his mind for his dislike or indifference for you by making Jace switch places with him to sit by your left.

It was announced on that very same day that you are to be his favourite person in that house too.

The door made a small creaking noise as you opened it to leave. Walking down the dark corridor that led downstairs, you walked yourself to the kitchen, looking for something to drink. Help yourself to the fridge, Rhaenyra had told you 2 days ago. Well, don't mind if I do.

The fridge light shone over your face like the glow of heaven as you bend down to see your choices. They had cranberry juice, which wasn't exactly your favourite, but it was better than orange juice which was another thing they had. There's bar of chocolate you're tempted to steal, but you have a feeling it's not yours to take.

Just as your hand extends to grab at the cranberry juice, the kitchen lights flicker open, making you flinch so hard that you accidentally banged your head on the upper part of the fridge. "Ow."

"Oh it's just you." Rhaenyra's voice laughed out. Pulling your head out like a snack thief, you smiled sheepishly at her.

"Sorry, was gonna grab a drink." She shook her head and head over to the kitchen sink, washing her hands. "It's fine, I thought you were Joffrey, he likes to steal his brother's chocolate bars." Well that's something the two of you have in common.

"What are you drinking?" She asks turning to look at you. "Just cranberry juice." She hummed in disagreement, shaking her head. "In this cold season? Take a seat, I'll make some tea." You have never jumped so quickly to interject anyone. "Oh no, It's fine! Really, it's 2am, I should probably get back to sleep anyways.".

She seems to take light of your argument, already pulling out a teapot and a small Camomile teabag. "Oh it's no bother, if you weren't craving anything then you wouldn't be awake rummaging through the fridge anyways." You stood awkwardly by the closed fridge watching her add hot water into the pot. "Fetch me the sugar will you?" You moved quickly to pull out the tub of sugar from one of the kitchen cabinets, passing it to her.

"So, what's keeping you up at night?" You shrugged lightly, leaning against the kitchen counter as you didn't want to sit and wait at the table like a brat. "Nothing really, I'm insomniac, so..." Her eyes widened momentarily. "Oh really?" You nodded.

"Mmhm, I take medication for it, but sometimes it doesn't work." She reacts with a string of Ooohs, stirring inside the pot with a long spoon.

"Melatonin?" You nodded again. That, and some anti psychotics.

Once she's finally done with the tea, you sat by her as she poured it into two mugs for the both of you. It was odd that she was up for small talk this late in the night, but you enjoyed conversing with her. "You know I don't think I've ever asked you what major you are, and that silly boy has never told me." "I'm an art major." You answered. She smiled so dotingly at the response, sincerely intrigued. "An art major? You can draw then?" You hummed positively. "Draw, paint a little."

She sips her hot tea patiently. "I'm a fan of art myself, have you heard of Egon Schiele?" You laughed breathily. "Of course, who doesn't?" Rhaenyra tipped her head to the side in a small nod of agreement. "I have some of his paintings on my office, his works had been a favourite. Quite an expressive man isn't he?" You considered the man's work with his personal life. "Not exactly a role model but yeah, he is."

Your tea is finished, but you remain unmoved on the chair, waiting for her to continue. "You know I believe that the arts is the heart of humanity. Some people might not agree, people who can't see beyond the techniques and brush strokes, but art is what happen when you try to make beauty out of pain, isn't it? I mean as stereotypical as it sounds."

Your eyes were no longer droopy from sleepiness, they match the pure intensity Rhaenyra's had. "It is. Without art, and I don't mean just paintings- I mean poetry and literature and theatre, pain would just be pain. Meaningless." "Exactly."

You don't know what the silent words being exchanged through your gazes actually meant, but something did cross between the two of you, an understanding of a sort, an alliance in beliefs.

"I also believe that those who dabble in art, in any mediums, are the ones who love the strongest and lose the hardest." An unintentional smile bloomed over your face. "Tell me about it." Rhaenyra laughs lightly. "Have you always dabbled in art?" She questioned.

You relive blurry memories of badly drawn trees and stick humans done when you were a child. "Sure, yeah. I've always liked it. I mean it's not just this magical talent I have or anything, as much as the arts is viewed in a much bigger scale of its effects to society as a whole, it's could also be deemed important in indivual intepretation."

Rhaenyra leans back against her chair, hands placed on her lap politely. "Like for example- art is intimate because it is yours.

- It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning all the time and neither does it have to emotionally strike you for it to be considered art. To love, some people say, is to be understood. But we can never truly understand anyone, no matter how hard we think we can.

-And so I think that art, just like people, can be loved even without context. Whatever feeling it sparks inside of you, it is intimate because it is complicated, and it is intimate because it can mean a hundred different things to a hundred different people."

Her expression was unreadable. You wondered if you have confused or overwhelmed her. But after a few minutes of silence, she asked; "And what about people?" "What about it?"

"You compared it to art, and you said art needn't be understood to be loved, does the same goes for people?" You clasped your cold hands on the warm mug and pursed your lips together, your thoughts racing each other.

"Yeah, it does. I mean I use to think that being with a person who understood you was the most important thing in the world, and though it does feel good to finally be seen by someone else, like I said before, it is nearly impossible to be truly understood. And so, the second best thing would be to be loved despite not being understood. To have someone who believes in you, even if they're not sure about the situation or the facts or your rationality, that is love. To be believed in."

"Faith?" Rhaenyra suggests. "Yes, faith."

You stood up right after, taking her empty cup to wash for too despite her complaints, hand washing them as you're not sure how to use a dishwasher. "I'm glad you're here." Rhaenyra spoke from behind you. It wasn’t the validation that had struck you so deeply in the chest, nor was it her appreciation for you, instead, ot was her acceptance. "I'm glad I'm here too."

In this small moment between 2 to 3am on a Thursday at your boyfriend's kitchen, you wonder if you've found the right kind of people to call home.

"Thanks for the tea, I hope I didn't keep you up." You thanked her in a hushed voice, genuinely grateful. She returned your smile and squeezed your shoulder softly. "You did no such thing, now go get some sleep, alright?"

When you returned to Jace's room, you find him sitting up on the bed in the dark. You closed the door behind you slowly and tiptoed towards him.

"Where'd you go?" He asks sleepily, pulling you close to his chest as he moves to lie back down. "Went to get a drink." You whispered back. "For 20 minutes?" You snorted and lifted your head up to kiss him on the cheek before placing your head back under his chin. "Your mother couldn't sleep either, she made tea."

Jace accepted the response, asking no more questions. His arms wrap around your body the way a ship holds on to an anchor. You didn't know how much you needed someone to need you until you met him.

You notice that he's still awake, with the way his finger is lightly tapping the skin of your shoulder. "Did I wake you up? Sorry." You feel him shaking his head slightly. "No, I was just thinking." He mumbled back. "About?" You inquired him.

"You, I miss you." You frowned and pulled back to look at him. "I'm right here." He shrugged. "I know, but sometimes you're not. Sometimes you're here but when I look at you, you're gone. And I don't know how to bring you back." You feel a splinter in your heart when he said that. How foolish you are to expect him to be so stupid to never notice how unstable you can be at times, how easily you dissociate and push him away before pulling him right back.

"I'm sorry." You told him sincerely, not sure what else there is that could be said.

"I'm not angry, or upset. I just want you to know that Im right here with you too, and I'm not going anywhere." You smiled sadly at him and nodded. "I know." Your noses booped together and he returns your small smile. "Anything you need me for, I'm here." Jacaerys assures you, half yawning. "I just need you to trust me, and I'll trust you. Can you do that for me?" He stared silently for a moment and then nodded once. "Okay, I trust you. But you have to honor your end."

You pecked his lips with one hand caressing his cheek. "I trust you." You promised.

—

It was 3 days before Christmas. You've spent the past week skiing and building a snowman with the kids. These past few days have been so suspiciously peaceful that it's terrifying.

You're on edge, despite the happiness this family has brought you. You like to tell yourself that you're just being careful, but the truth is that sometimes you can't tell the difference between a house fire and a small candle.

You had texted your mother 2 days ago, confessing to her that you've been spending this week with your boyfriend's family. You made sure to keep your lie about your job going, stating that this visit was a last minute kind of thing. She never answered.

She shouldn't be bothered, you soothed yourself. She never cared if you ever actually came home or not, why should this be an exception?

You and Jacaerys have spent the day going from shop to shop, eyeing beautiful Christmas lights and discounts available. You started with a bakery in the morning, Rhaenyra's suggestion. You had gotten free tastings on many of the popular cake choices before Jace finally settled on buying his mother's favourite Lemon cake.

He had urged you to pick something for yourself and you landed on some éclairs, finishing them up on the car ride to the antique gift shop a few blocks further.

The store had a giant nutcracker statue staring out from inside the windows, they reminded you of the old Christmas movies you spent watching as a child. The bell on the door jiggled loudly as you entered after Jace, a longing gaze towards the nutcracker, hints of nostalgia filling up your heart.

An elderly lady guarded the counter with a smile. "Looking for anything in particular?" She asks. Jace shook his head and smiled back. "Just looking around." He soon found himself crouching down at the snow globe sections, pulling a few out of the shelves to eye the intricate details.

You had walked to the candle shelves, admiring the colourful choices. There was another nostalgic thing on candles too. A superstitious kind. The way you used to blow on them for every birthday or random nights you remembered to lit up your rose scented candles that stays on your bedside, wishing on them like you do on a shooting star.

Asking for some kind of mercy from whichever god there was looking down at you. But in the end you had to pull yourself up without any kind of divine intervention. You had learned that there was only one god inside of you, and she was a girl fed on rage and grievance who spent her nights weeping in her empty altar.

The girl was still there, quieter now, but unflickering, unlike a candle.

You eye the red coloured candle gently, sniffing on the wax to identify the scent. Rose. You place it back on the shelf and move on to the cutlery sets.

You loved cutlery, plates and mugs. Maybe it's the 20s getting to you, but some days you feel that the house decoration section of IKEA was better than any night club you've been in. A beautiful chipped cup stared at you from the lower shelves. It was beautiful, purple flowers drawn on the curves and long thing green ropes on the holder.

You were pulling it out to look inside when your phone suddenly dinged multiple times, buzzing in the pocket of your pants. Clumsily, you pushed the cup back in and took your phone out whilst still crouching.

M: Is this some sort of tantrum you're throwing?

the first notification read, making you frown. You don't have the strength to swipe open the screen to read the full sentence, only reading what's shown on your lockscreen. Just before you could click it off after pressing mute, another notification enters, the words too bright, reading themselves aloud to you.

M: you're selfish, do you ever think about anyone else but yourself? It's always how you feel because only yo-

the full message was cut off as another notification enters. Irritation filled you the same time that your eyes pricked with angry tears. You blinked a few times to get rid of it as you shove your muted phone back in your pants.

I can't fucking deal with this right now. You told yourself. Your phone buzzed again, making you harshly take it back out to turn off the vibration.

It always has t be a problem with her. Selfish she called you? On the one time you decided to do something fo yourself?

Pulling yourself up to stand your kneed are met with the cup that's still half out from it's shelf, shoving it behind strongly, a small crash sound turned your whole body into stone.

You bend back down immediately, pulling out the chipped mug and the small broken pieces of it's corners. You could hear the owner getting up. Shit shit shit. "What was that sweetie?"

You turned to her with a saddened expression. "I'm so sorry, I'll pay for it-" the woman's eyes moved from your face to the glass pieces and gasped. "Oh my, wait here- I'll get the broom." As soon as she disappeared to the store room, Jacaerys was by your side in the next second. "What happened?" He bends down.

"It was an accident, I smashed it with my knee." Your voice was shaky and you feel your fingers prick as you try to sweep the pieces onto your left palm before the lady returned. "Baby, put it back, she's bringing the broom." He warned you. You shook your head lightly and kept picking up the tiny sharp ones. "It's fine, I got it-" Jace grabbed your hand and turned it upside down so they fall back on the ground.

"Jace what the fuck is wrong with you." You snapped, pulling your hand back. Your voice was high, close to yelling. "Your hand is fucking bleeding, there's literal cuts." He argued back, trying and failing to grab at your wounded hand.

The store room door opened loudly, the both of you turned to see the lady walking over quickly with a small broom. "Move aside you two." She ordered calmly.

"I can do it for you, it was my fault." You offered her, ignoring how Jace is trying to pull you back. "Oh no, it's fine sweetie, it happens all the time." You opened your mouth to ask again, desperate to try and fix the mess you made, but you could feel Jace's grip on your arm tightening and stayed silent.

"I didn't mean to." You whispered. His grip loosens, his hand moved from your arm to your shoulder. "It's fine, I'll pay for it." He immediately widened his eyes to warn you to keep quiet, knowing you'd argue against it. "Let me pay for it now, we'll discuss this later." He muttered closely to you. Your lips pursed together, not wanting to say or do anything you can't take back, you shush up.

There is large wave of emotion building up inside of you. It was overwhelming because it's not just one emotion. As the anger dissolves into pathetic guilt, you bite your lip from bursting out crying. Blinking fastly for a few more times, you managed to keep your breakdown from blowing up.

Standing by the door like a rock, you watch as Jace pulls out his purse to pay for the damage. You can see the lady shaking her head, denying his money. "It's old, not worth anything." You hear her say to him.

He ended up buying a tint snow globe and aa keychain anyways, to make up for the broken cup. She seemed to hold no grudge in her expression, smiling at the two of you and saving as you left.

Neither of you said anything on the walk to the car. Once you got in and strapped on the seatbelt, you twisted your face to him to see if he was upset and noticed that he was frowning. He hands you the small plastic gift, looking straight up front. A small sigh leaves him after he turns up the AC. the car engine noise filling up the tension between you.

"It was an accident." You repeated. He finally turns to you, with a look much worse than rage. Disappointment, pity. "I know." He responds softly. "I was just trying to clean it up, I felt bad." He nodded quietly, slowly averting his gaze to the steering wheel.

More silence filled the gap. When he finally steps on the pedal to reverse out of the parking, you turned away to look out the window in resolve. Nothing was said throughout the whole ride home.

Rhaenyra was excited to have you both home by evening. Her husband was quickly chastised for taking the first bite off of her cake. The sight was both amusing and endearing. You would've smiled in another scenario.

Jace talked and moved like nothing happened, offering for you to take a shower first before him, helping his mother with the dishes as the children are scolded for running around the kitchen. "Go to your room." Jace forced them with a kind of authority that you rarely see in him.

You watch the kids run up pass you, saying hi to you before they disappeared to their rooms.

Going for a shower yourself, you found solace in the privacy that his bathroom gave you. Letting the hot water run down your body along with your tears, you couldn't tell the difference between whicb and which.

Your face and eyes was red by the time you were done, the hot water obviously helped with that. But the warmth after cold skin biting walks was calming, even with the overthinking that came with today's events, the shower helped to bring down the temperature of your emotions.

Washing your face with cold water from the sink next, you avoid looking in the mirror. Shame erupted inside your chest, like a child scorned and embarrassed by their own behaviour.

You could hear Jace walk in the room from the bathroom. The door makes a sound as it's shut close. Letting your hair down for the first time today, you combed the wild strands with your fingers, lightly massaging your head as you brave yourself to face him again.

You didn't do anything wrong, why are you so scared?

You push the door open and dry your feet on the carpet outside of it. Jace was sitting on his bed, shirtless and charging his phone by the bedside.

He gives you a glance when be hears your footsteps and then turns back away like it's nothing. You're as watchful as him as you begin to dress yourself, sliding a green long-sleeved shirt over your head. You'd layer a cardigan over it later, but for now you're craving the chill after your hot shower.

He gets up to place his snow globe on his dressing table and hooked the small heart shaped keychain on his laptop bag. You sat yourself on the bed, feeling it dip and watching him still.

He turns on the small light on the front of his room after he's done closing all the curtains, and then you watch him take his trousers off before taking down his towel from the coat hanger and enter the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Hearing the sound if water begin falling from where he's in, you let your shoulder relax, a tired sigh escapes you.

You leaned back against the pillows and closed your eyes for a moment, letting the world around you turn dark.

—

The first time Jacaerys had slept over in your apartment was the first time he ever knew you were on multiple medication. It was the first time the two of you ever had sex, and he had passed out easily after. You, despite being tired, found yourself kept awake by your thoughts.

You can't remember what exactly kept you up but it was 2 hours in when he was startled awake by your shuffling around.

You had spent the last hours contemplating if you should grab a pill to help fall asleep or if it was too late and the pill would cause you to sleep in on tomorrow morning's class. And so the indecisiveness resulted in you trying your best and failing to fall asleep naturally. He looked up at you groggily and frowned.

"How you been awake the whole time?" He asked. You sighed tiredly and laid on your back.

"Yeah, sorry, did I wake you?" He shook his head and wiped a hand over his face. "You didn't, it's fine. I just thought you'd be down easy after all that."

You snorted and shook your head. "I'm insomniac."

"Oh." You nodded. "Yeah I have meds for it, but sometimes the pills all just clash together and it doesn't really work." He hummed in understanding. You noticed he doesn't ask more about the pills. It was either he didn't care or he was being respectful. You learned weeks in later that it was the latter. Unsurprisingly.

"Well, what do you do when you can't sleep?" You shrugged your shoulders. "Dunno. Watch stuff on my phone."

"What do you usually watch?" He asks, characteristically interested. "Gay sex." His head jolted forward and his eyes immediately widened. "I'm joking."

His shock immediately watered down as he gave you a faint laugh in response. "Right, of course."

You spent the rest of the night talking to him until your body gave in and you collapsed around his arm around dawn.

It's not an easy thing to forget, a man's first show of affection in small subliminal ways that some people might not notice. But you did, you always do.

That was not the last time you'd see him sacrifice his own comfort to make you feel less lonely than you already were. In a room full of people, colleagues, friends and family, you found that only he had the power to make you feel seen.

Other people looked at you and saw what you let them see. But Jacaerys was willing to pay much more attention to the things other people didn't want to. Your condition, whatever it's called (most people call it complicated), often made people uncomfortable. How is it a person like you could be so non chalant yet care so much at the same time. How was it you were reserved, but not shy or accepting of anyone's attempts to step over you?

They can't quite understand the complexity of being a damaged person that still tries their best to undo those damages on a daily. Niceties didn't always equal empathy. You learned that very early on in your life. To find someone who wouldn’t try to fix the hard parts of your self or resent you for them wasn't easy.

Most men, that you knew of, will either try to "fix" you in an attempt to make themselves feel heroic. Like a savior. And when they realise too far in that those scars you bared was unreversable, they use it againts you instead. They paint you out to be the bad guy for those same traits they promised and vowed to be so understanding of.

And for almost the only time ever in your life that night, you didn't feel like your secrets were owed to anyone. A safe space was a place you knew you could be vulnerable with, but t was also supposed to be a place where you knew you could still be caution with all your walls up and still wouldn't be judged for it.

It was him who stayed through the cold shoulders and unanswered questions. And so, it was also him who you then trusted your whole heart with.

---

You were woken up 30 minutes before dinner time. Feeling the soft nudge Jacaerys gave you, shaking you awake easily. His hand lingered on your shoulder until you were sitting up fully. You thanked him and went up to the bathroom to wash your face.

"Mom's making lasagna tonight." He says ftom outside the bathroom door. He no longer referred to Rhaenyra as 'my mom', including you as part of the family without any awkwardness.

"I love lasagna." You called back. "I know."

The cold sink water have been getting warmer and warmer as the snow outside begins to melt. The weather was still antagonizing, but driving through the wet road was easier now, and morning showers are less dreadful.

"You know, we don't really get snow back home." You quipped as you turn off the sink, making your way out. "Really?" He asked, genuinely astonished.

"Yeah, it's a much warmer climate where I'm from." He was putting on a sweater by his mirror when you came out, his eyes met yours through the reflection. "So, you've never built a snowman before?".

You smiled and nodded, walking over to the bed. "Nope, the one we did the other day was my first time." Snowman building and snowball fights were fun, though you wouldn’t admit to your boyfriend that you much preferred staying inside with the heater on as you munch on some cookies and hot chocolate.

You were layering moisturiser over your face when you hear Jace speak, "I forgot to tell you, your mom called on your phone while you were sleeping." You froze for a second before your hands resumed massaging your face with the product.

"Oh, did you talk to her?" You asked, giving him a quick glance. Jacaerys shook his head and you felt relief spread through your whole body.

He sat by your side, watching you do your skincare routine meticulously. "I muted it, but you should probably call her back, it was two misscalls." You hummed uncaringly, as if it was the least important thing in the world, not wanting to give out a suspicious reaction.

The truth was you did not have the guts to check your messages at all since you came back from the shopping trip. You had her on mute and that had helped calm your nerves. But knowing that she had went as far as calling you twice, which believe it or not, is the first time you've ever had that much attention from her, was anxiety inducing.

"I'll call her later." You stated, noticing him still staring at you from the corner of your eyes. "Why did you say that she already knew you were here when we first arrived at the airport?" He asks suddenly.

There weren't any direct correlations of this question to the current situation, but it was unsurprising that he had brought this up. In fact, you have been waiting for him to do so.

"I did tell them." You answer bluntly. "You told me a few days before that you didn't want to." You closed the cap of your face serum and stashed it back inside your small bag, taking yout time with the conversation.

"I changed my mind. I was telling the truth when I said I didn't want to tell them at first, but I figured they should know. In case of emergencies." He was content with the answer, making no more inquiries.

Dinner was quick and quiet. You helped cut the marble cake Rhaenyra had made into small square shapes before its passed around to the whole table after prayers were spoken together.

There were no leftovers of it or the lasagna by the time it was over. You could tell that the older woman was overjoyed. She was someone who put all of her love and effort into everything that she does for her family, and watching her children appreciate the hard work of a mess she made in the kitchen must've felt rewarding.

You helped her with the dishes until everyone else except Jace had left. She argued against it at first, insisting that you were a guest and shouldn't have to do anything. But you refused to leave until the kitchen was clean, so she had you sweep crumbs and pieces out of the carpet while Jace was to take out the trash.

"It's good to have another woman here." She said to you as she stacks up the dry plates back to the shelves.

Throwing out the collected trash into the dustbin, you offered her a small laugh. "I'm glad you feel so."

You went up first after the cleaning was done, leaving Jacaerys with his mother, discussing the Christmas tree arrangements.

The medium sized plastic tree they had ordered last week finally arrived, and it was up to him to fix it up on their livingroom by the end of today.

You considered your gift for his family that you had handmade a few days before you flew here. It would've been easier to buy something, but buying them all an individual gift would be costly, and Jacaerys himself have warned you against that, deeming it unnecessary.

And so your ivory and indigo themed painting of Daisies and Forget Me Not's would be enough.

It was an image that you had longed to paint for a long time, two contrasting coloured flowers tangled together. But with all the assignments and homework that your degree was already requesting of you, there hadn't be any time for you to make it up until the week before you an Jace left.

It wasn't your best work, but it was your favourite. The subtlety that tied together on the canvas satisfied you.

Jace came up shortly after you had. Mumbling something about the decorations looking shitty. Ignoring the fact that you were reading on the bed, jumped on it suddenly, making you bounce up. "Hello?" You snapped, waving your book.

He raised his brows innocently, laying down on the pillows. "All you do is read and paint." He whined. "I like reading and painting."

He poked your right thigh with his toes making you pause reading to slap his feet as a warning. "Get a hobby." You could feel his eye roll from behind you. "Loving you is my hobby."

You kept your eyes on the book as you responded, "how lifeless you must be." Your book is snatched from your hand right after your sentence is finished. "Give it back you gorilla." You twist yourself towards him, trying to reach for the book as he held it up over your head.

"No, this thing has taken over my place as the center of your attention." You let out a loud hah! Pushing him down against the bed and pried the book from his cold hands as he kept his grip on it.

"Bold of you to assume you were ever the center of my attention." He gasped and you took the opportunity to grab the book while his hand loosens.

"How can I not be the center of your attention? Look at me." He spoke seriously.

The book was safely placed by your side, but now he's grabbing you over him instead. "You know I only agreed to date you just in case I'd need to apply for a green card." You gritted out as he squeezes your face against his cheek. Jacaerys' facade of being offended broke and he threw his head back in a boisterous laugh, letting you slip away from him

Shoving him strongly while he's still choking on laughter, he fell off the bed with an oof and landed face down, drawing out a laugh from you instead.

Pulling himself back up, he squints his eyes and glared at you. "You're so boring."

What he views as boring is your kind of fun and that was just how it is. "What do you want us to do instead? Have a slumber party?" He tilt his face, genuine considering it. You cut him off before he could agree. "No- We're not doing that, because I know your definition of slumber party."

"I thought you liked my definition of a slumber party." He asks, laying his head on your lap and letting you get your few pages in for the night. "We're at your parent's house, I don't think they'd like your definition of a slumber party." He hummed and said nothing else, closing his eyes as he stays against your thighs.

You suspected it was either the white wine or the sugar rush of the three squares if marble cake that he had tonight that was making him slightly more hyper. Whatever it was, it's refraining him from being able to just sit his ass down. You once asked him if he had ADHD during your first month of dating, he vaguely answers 'probably' and started talking about something else right after.

Speedreading the last 3 pages of the chapter you're in, you thought he had fallen asleep until he turned around so he would face up to you. "Do you want to go see the Christmas lights?"

You barely heard what he said at first, trying to finish reading the last sentence of the page. "Huh?" He repeated what he said again, waiting for you to close your book and meet his eyes.

When you finally do, you looked down at him with skepticism. "Right now?" He nodded. It was around 8.30, not that late, but also pretty early. You tossed and turned the suggestion in your head until you finally just shrugged at him. "Are they really that pretty?"

"This street is full of mansions wrapped with gigantic traffic lights coloured decorations. Pretty sure the Millers have a gigantic Elf statue outside their gate." You blinked in surprise. "That's...festive."

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, rich people stuff."

You'd counter back that he was rich too, but there aren't any weird Santa statues in this house yet, so you say nothing. "We don't have to see the ones around this neighbourhood, I know the street stalls are gonna be lit up all around tonight, We could drive around, grab a burger or something."

You were still full from the lasagna, but a burger sounded appealing. You had grown up around street foods and cheap oily burgers and fries from stalls by your house. The taste was always better than whatever clean expensive food you've ever had in your life. You were eager to get out of this place suddenly.

"Okay, sure. Let me finish one more chapter and we can go." Jacaerys cheered, fist bumping the air before he rolled off of you to go change into something thicker.

It ended up being an hour later when you were finally done with the book, managing to convince your dressed up boyfriend on his reindeer sweater that it's much too early still.

To make up for your lack of priority for the time, you were punished to wear a matching red sweater like his. Putting it on with a grumble and frown, he had no idea that you secretly liked the sweater but would rather die than confess it aloud.

You let him get downstairs first to inform his mother of your plans. He was already starting the car engine when you got down, his parents and young Joffrey were all settled on the couch, watching Bluey.

Rhaenyra smiled as you walked by. You waved at her as you're about to walk out and hear her call out to her son. "Be back before 11, or I'll lock you both out!"

"Yeah, yeah." Jace yelled back and closes the door.

You hopped on the passenger seat of his Range Rover with ease and put on the seatbelt while he starts to reverse the car out of parking.

"So, where first?" You ask.

"We could start with stalking our neighbour's houses and then go on a drive down the street- or, we could go down the street first and then stalk our neighbours." You don't miss the way he referred to his neighbours as ours. "I think we should stalk the weird elf dude first, we'll probably be starving again by the time that's done, and then we can go straight to the shops and get a burger."

"Oh wow, you had this all planned out didn't you?" He sounded amused.

"Well, better safe than sorry." He wore a puzzled expression at your words but did not ask for clarification.

The house with the 5'4 elf wasn't that far away from his, and true his words were, the elf did exist by the large gates.

It had a green pointy hat on and wore a red vest with blue buttons.

"The Italian flag?" You whispered out in confusion, watching through the binoculars Jace had stolen from his younger brother. "I think...that's the Christmas colours, not the Italian flag." He whispered back, taking the binoculars from you.

"Oh right, of course." This had to be the first and last time you said something that stupid around him. You had a reputation to keep of being the smart one

What's more terrifying than the large demonic eyes of the elf staring at you was how there were also multiple tiny elves surrounding the big one, like little elf babies with adult elf faces. They crowded around the feet of the big elf, building what seemed like an elf shrine.

"It's like a cult." Jacaerys spoke after a while. You thought the exact same thing.

"Like little cultish elves worshipping their elf messiah." Jace lowered the binocular and snapped his neck towards you. "You think this is legal?"

You frowned at him. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, i mean it's a bit disturbing isn't it, like, doesn't this count as property damage or something, or least neighbourhood disturbance."

"The only authority figure I could imagine would have a problem with this is Santa Claus for illegal use of elves, besides that, I don't think a statue of Elf on the shelf would count as a distubance at all." He looked uncomfortable at your explanation, and only then did it click in your head.

"Jace, are you scared of the 5'4 static Elf?"

His silence and slow reaction was answer enough. You gasped in realization. "You are!"

"I'm not fucking scared of the Elf." He denied strongly as you leaned against the locked car door in shock. "I'm just...disturbed. It's almost the same height as me."

"You can't blame the elf for your growth problems." He glared at you and started the car on reverse. "That's the worst thing you've ever said to me, worse than the time you compared me to the hunchback of Notre Dame."

You burst out a giggle at the random memory. "Oh my god, the hunchback of Notre Dame!" You recalled the nickname joyfully. "Well, it made you fix your posture. Also you called me Baymax last week, so it cancels out.

Jace drives the car out of the neighbourhood, waving at the security guard who stood by the post to open the gate. Making a turn on his right, he heads straight for the streetshops.

"You called yourself Baymax, I just corrected you." He defends himself.

It took longer than usual to get there, considering that so many other people there had the same idea as them. Jace had to turn on the heater when halfway near the destination, snow began to fall down from lonely starless sky.

It was microscopic and beautiful. You had wanted to reach yout hand out through the window and grabbed one of the flakes on the palm of your hands, but you refrained from doing it

In the back of your head, you can hear the cynical voice of your mother calling your childlike awe a sign of immaturity.

People like you who thinks life is all about dreams and art and poetry are the kind of people who ends up in the street once your hopes have failed you.

You let yourself enjoy the scenery before Jace finally parks the car bynthe side of the road. He helps you get off the ride and locked it securely before intertwining your hands together and heading to the burger stall that's a block away from where you two stood.

"The traffic's gonna be crazy tomorrow." He mutters under his breath, looking up as the snowflakes continue to fall down. "Because of the snow?" You ask anyways, despite knowing the answer.

"That, and because people are going to head back home or wherever they came from for Christmas day." Ah yes, of course.

The holiday that you came here for.

"Well I can't imagine the traffic on the day after Christmas would be any more pleasing." He nods in agreement, scrunching up his nose in displease.

Thank god for their first class flight.

The burger order took less than 5 minutes. You sat down next to him by the door of a closed pawnshop as you ate it all up. The flavor of red chilli sauce and mayo filled you mouth, it felt like a reminiscent of an old memory.

You finished it faster than Jacaerys and stood up to walk over past the streetlamp to take a closer look at the glorious crescent moon that stared back at you from above.

Lifting both your hands up, you use them to cover the blurry glow of the lamp from your sides to let yourself see the moon better. You weren't sure how long you had been standing there just staring at it, but it didn't matter because even after years of knowing the exist of the moon, it's beauty never fail to leave you in awe every time you see it

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone this excited to see the moon." You hear your boyfriend tease from behind you. He must have already finished his burger. "Oh you haven't seen me with the stars yet.".

You could feel him smiling from behind as he places a hand on your shoulder. "Not much of them tonight." He noted. "Yeah, it's like they're all in hiding."

Letting your heart whisper out one last wish on the stunning moon, you turned back towards Jacaerys with pursed lips and raised brows. "Well, where are we going next?" He smiles back. "I think the bookstore up front is doing 20% off."

---

Jacaerys Strong is scared of a lot of thing. He's scared of learning new stuff. He is scared of heights and pests and gigantic sized elfs.

But his biggest fear these past few months is accidentally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time around you.

He realized very early on that when it came to being in a relationship with you, patience was a major key that was necessary. And just because he had succeeded in waiting long enough for you to finally unlock that door, it didn't mean that there were no more locks in the future.

But sometimes he's not sure which room he is in and he can't tell which key is for which. It's not that you're overly complicated, just more confusing than some. There were many times where he felt inclined to listening and studying the way you act instead of tryong to pry details out of you.

Pressuring you into opening up or trying to make whatever you two have go faster would be a recipe for disaster.

There was a discount indeed when you both got to the bookstore. Despite his reputation of being more muscles than brains, Jacaerys liked reading. He wasn't exactly an avid reader before he met you, but he enjoyed reading whatever you recommended him to so that the both of you could talk about it together afterwards.

You spent some time on the Young Adult shelf before moving onto the Classics and New Adult sections while your boyfriend strayed away to the other shelves but still remained close to you. And after 20 minutes of searching about, you finally picked up a copy of The Essex Serpent while Jace bought himself The Crucible.

"I didn't take you for a play kind of guy." You commented as you walk out the store. "I've read a few of them this year actually." He admits as the two of you make way to his car. "Really?" You sounded astonished, he couldn't blame you.

"Yeah, I actually had to read All's well that end's well and Hamlet for my lit class, but i liked them so I decided to read Macbeth too just for fun."

"You can understand Shakespeare?" You ask with a frown. He makes a face at your words. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

"I'm not. I tried Romeo and Juliet in like 11th grade, couldn't understand shit." You explained.

You liked reading and you liked literature, but you weren't good at understanding old english writing. Growing up, it felt like you weren't allowed to indulge in two kinds of hobbies that leaned more towards the artistic side of education. Your mother has always regarded your passion for the arts as a waste of times. I've never met an artists that didn't die suffering. She had told you when you were 13 years old after she had thrown out all of your drawing books because you were getting below B+ on your mathematic and science subjects.

"Did your school not have a literature class?" You shook your head no. "We had normal English for like, grammar, vocabulary, and essays. But we were never taught to read the classics or poetry like a lot of the other public schools."

Jacaerys was a private school boy, so of course his classes were much more detailed and well organized compared to the ones held in public schools.

"That sounds boring." It was boring, when you finally entered college and was able to attend literature class as an elective subject, you found that your passion for the language still burned bright even after years.

The next half an hour was spent driving down the road and looking at the fairy lights hung from streetlamp to streetlamp. A lot of the shops had plastic made snowmans guarding the door of the place.

More snow began heavily filling up the ground, it was getting the people around the place even more excited. You could see parents with their children, and teenagers with their friends running around trying to catch the snowflakes and bending down to investigate the ones that have fallen.

If it weren't for the blistering cold, you'd probably get off the vechicle to join them.

An old toyshop by the end of the road even had these stunning little rudolph the red nosed reindeer figures staring out from inside the shop. Jace suggested going in to check the place out, but you were getting comfortable in your seat, just enjoying the view from inside.

Clenching your toes tightly in an attempt to warm them up, the fuzzy pair of socks you had on were no help. "I think we should just stay inside, used enough money for today."

"Broken enough stuff too." He responds in a joking manner as he pulls over in a singular parking lot behind an empty building.

You feel a something snap in your head as you turned to him. "Are you still mad about that?" He wore a puzzled expression at the question but still kept his eyes on his front despite the car already being parked. "I'm not mad at you, I was just joking." He responds in a weary intonation.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better." You said calmly. Sometimes people lie as not to offend the other person, but you wanted him to know that he could be honest with you on how be feels. "I know you were at least a little upset, that's why you wouldn't speak to me when we got home."

He turns off the front lights of the car and the engine, and then pulled his seat back slightly, getting more comfortable. When he finally looks at you, it was the kind of look that you have ling deciphered as a stare of commiseration. The kind that you give to starving stray dogs outside your door.

"Don't look at me like that, don't be patronizing." You warned him, leaning your back on the car door. "I'm not patronizing you, I didn't even say anything."

"You're looking at me like you feel bad, don't fucking feel bad. If you're angry at me, then tell me you're angry at me. I'm not a child, I can take it." He opened his mouth to argue against that but closed it just as fast as he opened them.

Glancing to his side like he's searching fir some sort of support, he meets your eyes again after a second, and spoke with much more confidence; "I'm not mad at you, I never was." You fold your arms together, shaking your head.

"Then why were you so silent on the way back- and don't say it's nothing, I know the difference between comfortable silence and awkward silence." He waves his arms in resignation and stutters out as he struggles to really think of a good response.

"Honestly?" You nod once. "I-I just didn't know, how to speak to you."

"What does that mean?" You pushed him to elaborate. "I mean, it's just that in certain times- certain situations, you can get so...vulnerable. Like you're seconds away from breaking. And in times like those, I'm just not sure how to approach or comfort you.

-I mean god knows I was never good with comforting people, but when you get so frustrated and upset, I'm just scared that if I say the wrong things or ask the wrong questions, I'll accidentally hurt you more and push you away from me further."

The pity in his eyes were gone, replaced with worry instead. You take in every words he says with a sharp piercing in your heart. "Oh."

A part of you is relieved to know that he was never really angry. Another part of you despises him for viewing you as something so fragile and pathetic. And then there is a third part of you from the inside, who knew that he was right. You had been compared to a ticking time bomb before, it was not new information.

"I'm sorry I made you think I was mad." He spoke again after a moment of silence. Your eyes strayed from his face to your lap, unable to meet his gaze.

He watches the way your face scrunces up in a thoughtful manner and gently places a hand on your thigh hesitantly. "I don't mean it in a bad way, I'm just, not that good with words sometimes."

Your face is relaxed as you look back up again, acceptant to the things he had said. "I get what you mean." You told him, the aggressiveness from before already melting back into passivity. "I'm sorry too, I know I can be a lot."

His free hand moved to caress the right side of your cheek. "You're not, we're both juat doing what we know as best as we can." You nodded and offered him a half smile.

He pulls you into a hug, the seating arrangement making it a bit hard, but the two of you pulled through. "My mom's angry I'm here." You mumbled into his chest.

Jacaerys' brows knitted together. "Why? She doesn't like me or something?" Be feels you shake your head no. "She doesn't even know you. She just thinks every decision I make is a bad one." He didn't know what to say to that.

He's never met your family before, but it was obvious that you were raised in a very different environment than he was.

He also understood that you've always had a certain way dealing with negative things in your life, a certain perspective that makes your choices understandable.

"Did she want you to come home?" You answered no. "She doesn't care if I come home or not, and yet for some reason she's upset that I chose to be here instead of going back home."

"She sounds like a bitch, I'm gonna be honest." You snorted out a laugh as you pulled away before he could regret his words. "She is."

"So, what are you going to do?" You shrugged with a sigh. "Nothing. That's what I always do." You've given up trying to defend yourself years ago. Arguing with your mother never ends well because she doesn't argue to understand, she argues to win. "Some people are worth fighting for, but not everyone is worth fighting with."

He says nothing, staring at you from his seat. You wanted to ask him if he understood what you mean, if he understood that the person you mentioned worth fighting for was him, but just not against your mother. But you were already so sick and tired of talking about her.

She's like some sort of negative charge around you, even the thought of her brings darkness and gloom. "It doesn't matter what she thinks. Because in the end of the day, I'm the one who chose to be here, and I haven't regret it so far." His face broke into a grin at that. "No?"

"No." You repeated surely. "Hmm." He ponders. "Does that mean you're up for a repeat next year?" You raise a brow at that. "This year's one isn't even finished, you're already planning for next year's?"

"Of course."

"How do you know if I'll still be around next year?" You weren't sure what kind of answer you were expecting. It was some sort of test, not just for him, but for you too. "Because I know I love you. And I know you love me too."

"Love is a big word." You noted after considering his confession fairly. In most situations regarding intimacy and vulnerability, you'd always find yourself to be stuck in between the flight or fight mode. But this time, you're sitting down with it and letting yourself indulge the possibilities.

"Are you making fun of my vocabulary or are you questioning my sincerity." Oh. that sentence overall were all big words for him you fought over the grin threatening to appear.

"I'm questioning your assumption that I feel the same way as you."

"Well," he starts, "-you're here with me right now aren't you?" He says it in a matter of factly tone, leaning in towards you, wiggling his brows. "That means nothing." You countered his defense.

"If I kiss you right now, would it mean nothing?" The question was so sudden, you scoffed in face for all the words you're unable to say. "If you kiss me right now, it's because I'm letting you do it."

"Because you love me." You relented and matched his smile. "I love...your mother. And I love your siblings." He eyes you suspiciously. "But what I feel for you surpasses the word love." It was cheesy, it was childish, it was you laying your heart out for him and not being ashamed of it.

"Tomato, tomahto. I call it love, you call it whatever you just did." He muttered back His lips captures yours right after. Your palms finds the sides of his face as he kisses you deeper.

You don't hesitate to climb up from your seat to his own. You feel his fingers gripping your waist as you settle yourself over his lap, pushing the headrest down with a freehand, he lets you take the lead as his fingers moves lower to grip on your hips.

There was nothing soft about the kiss, your tongues danced with his and your teeth clashes together. He made sure that there would be no gap between you two. You gasp out for air once you pull away to slip your sweater off of you. You pull your pants down easily along with your underwear.

"Thank god for tinted windows, huh?" He whispers to you breathily as he discards his own clothes and zip open his trousers.

Your response to that joke is to push him back against the seat to kiss him stronger than before. "Jesusfuckingchrist." He swore against your lips when you begin to ground yourself against his hard on.

He lifte his hips up to meet your grinding, the sensation of your bare pussy against his cock. His fingers squeezes into the skin of your ass, making you whine out loudly. "Fuck- I need you." You moaned deliriously humping on him like your life depends on it.

He pulls his cock out of his boxers fully, pushing it inside your wet squelching cunt. He groaned into your ear as you hid your head by his neck. Your hands held onto his shoulders as your hips jumped up and down on his cock. His grip on you is bruising, but it only added to the pleasure.

You feel the head of his penis hitting your clit harshly every time you sink down fully on it. Jacaerys is grunting out your name repeatedly like prayers in the dark and throwing his head back, lost in the pleasure.

"God- Ah, Jace-" He relishes the noises you make as you squeezes his cock with your warm, tight pussy. "So good." It's driving him insane and he's almost breathless as you continue to pleasure yourself using him to get yourself off. "Fuck, baby." He growled.

You held each other through your orgasm, biting into his neck when you felt relief pass through you. That's gonna leave a mark, you thought. But the night was still bright, snow still falling, and neither of you had much energy left to care.

—

“Jacaerys, we have the heater on, why are you wearing a turtleneck?” Rhaenyra asks as she bring over the big plate of lemon cake to the table. “I like this turtleneck,” was his response to her. A terrible excuse, but she asked nothing more.

You helped her set the table while Jacaerys went over to his brothers’ rooms to wake them up. You could hear him yelling from upstairs, “It’s Christmas morning, get up!”

You refuse to admit to him that te Christmas spirit had gotten into you. Preparing the plates around each seat, you are more excited for the gift unwrapping that’ll be done after breakfast. And the snowball fight. Since when did you become so excited for snowball fights? Since you closed your eyes and tried to imagine this kind of life going on for years and realized that you want nothing less than it.

The kids came running down the stairs, bouncing in every step. “Don’t jump Joffrey, you’ll fall.” Rhaenyra chastised. Lucerys and Joffrey rushed to their seat, Jace following close from behind. “Hurry up, I want to open the presents.” Luc rushed. “You’ll get your presents sooner or later. Now, please eat breakfast slowly, I don’t need you choking on your meals at 9am.” His father’s voice boomed from the hallway as he entered the kitchen.

He had been out all day, buying stocks of eggs and flour for Rhaenyra to use.

“Alright, alright-“ Rhaenyra spoke, sitting down alongside everyone at last. “Who’s gonna say the prayers today? Luc?” The boy immediately shook his head. “I’ll do it.” Jace offered, his mother looked internally grateful. “Alright, go on.”

He takes a deep breath before he holds his fists together and closed his eyes, everyone but you followed through. You watch him begin to thank god for the food on the table and for his family’s good health and fortune before he goes on to thank god for his beautiful girlfriend. Luc mutters out an ‘ew’, which Jacaerys quickly retorts back ‘You just don’t have a girlfriend that’s why you’re jealous.” In the middle of his prayer, earning a warning ‘Jace…’ from his mother.

In the meantime, you were grateful that all of their eyes were closed, so that they wouldn’t be able to see your wide smile and flushed cheeks. I don’t have much faith in god these days, but I’d burn a prayer or two for you, you thought to yourself. And you meant it.

Once he ends his prayers with an Amen, he opens his eyes to connect them with yours first before the silent moment shared was broken by everyone else’s eagerness to eat.

They had not understood the meaning between your shared glances with him. How it was a way for him to tell you that you, just like his family, is his priority. They also don’t know how you had blocked your whole family’s contact list for good. And when you had told him of your action that morning, he looked at you so reassuringly and told you that as long as is he alive, you would never be without a family.

#jacaerys velaryon x reader #house of the dragon #jacaerys velaryon #jace velaryon x reader #house of the dragon x reader #hotd x reader #game of thrones #harry collett

[yxami]

HIII AGAIN !!!! <3 I was wondering if you could make a short little dribble of jock w a fem or gn reader at a botanical garden after one of jocks games OR SOMETHING SIMILAR!!

Here ya go Val !! Hope you enjoy!

description: yandere jock x gn reader, on a date with Ethan, yandere fluff, lots of plants!! Short dribble 🤞

Yandere jock would take you the biggest botanical garden in the city. Maybe even taking you out of the city if one of the ones nearby were boring. He’d almost act like a mom, coming to your house to make sure you had water, food, and necessities packed.

If he wanted to spend the whole day with you then he might even convince you to skip school so the two of you could spend lots of time together! If you were to say no then he’d understand, but still couldn’t help but be a little bummed out about it.

Once the two of you were at the botanical garden he would make sure to double check everything before leaving the car. He’d carry all the things necessary like the lunch bags to eat the food in the eating areas they had available. And your bag that you brought.

He would probably carry a giant map to locate every exhibit with the most beautiful plants. He’d honestly look like a dad while he walked with it around.

If you were sensitive to the blazing heat while outside then he would be your cover, standing in front of you where the sun would hit and making sure the two of you would be in the shadows.

With lots of plants it would be incredibly easy to find shade.

If there was cute shirts in the gift shop then Ethan would get the two of you matching ones. I imagine he’d pick out the funniest ones like “I Heart Nature” or a “Plant Lover” shirt with a leaf on it that looked a little too similar to weed..

He’d read out all the descriptions to you while you admired the colorful plants around and If you were to get tired before the end of the trip then he would carry you, piggy back style. Even if you insisted you could walk and how it’s embarrassing he’d roll his eyes and make you get on his back.

And if you were to get bored of the garden then Ethan would offer to take you somewhere else. Maybe an amusement park or the movies! Anything to keep you entertained and stay with him.

He’s a caring guy so he would always make sure you were happy and safe!

#yandere #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #male yandere #pls request #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #gn reader #soft yandere #yandere fluff #gender neutral reader #fluff with yandere #yan fluff #yandere jock #yandere jock oc #yandere oc #ethanmyoc

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hi i was wondering if you could do headcannons for the Papas with a reader that uses a mobility aid

If you're not comfortable with that it's completely fine

As someone who probably needs a mobility aid, yuh. - Zenith/Jasper

Papas with s/o with mobility aid

Primo

Well, he's not the most mobile, either. He started using a cane a few weeks after his retirement. Doesn't use it all the time, but it's a necessity on bad days. So he understands.

He gets his ghouls to arrange his office and quarters to be as accessible to you as possible.

Goes on walks with you on good days. Makes you nice, fresh tea and rests with you on bad days.

He has a few potted plants in his room just for you so you can feel like you're helping out with the garden.

Secondo

Secondo understands. Do you see that staff he has?

It is a bonking stick, but doubles as a cane, for days where his hips just.. don't agree.

Makes sure that you have the best aid's that you can get. Making sure that you get all the things that you need and the best pain meds that you can get, if needed.

On good days, he walks with you, pacing with you, hand tightly wrapped around his staff. The other watching you just in case you need to sit down.

On bad days? Do not expect to leave the bed until you could run a marathon. If you need to go somewhere? He can go. He can carry you. No working for you.

Terzo

They are well versed in mobility aids. Zephyr has multiple they use, so Terzo is completely used to them.

He’ll sit you down and ask questions on what kinds you use, if you’re comfortable with them helping, if there’s anything else he needs to know in order to best help you out.

If you work in his office; you’ll find it completely rearranged to make it more accessible for you.

Copia

If you use a wheelchair, he drives alongside you on his tricycle, trying to make it fun for you.

Offers to push you around if your arms get tired.

Races you. Drives into a wall. Gets forehead kisses because he hurt himself. Profit.

When it comes to crutches or canes, he doesn't really do much, just tries to make sure you

Most of your dates include just chilling together so you don't have to strain yourself.

Old Nihil

It's a miracle he doesn't need one at his age, honestly...

But somehow, this bastard walks just fine, maybe a bit slower, but does make him a perfect companion for walks, since he naturally matches a slower pace you might have to take when using a cane or crutches.

Might get the twins to push you if your arms get tired while using a wheelchair, with one of the twins pushing your chair and the other dragging around his oxygen tank.

He's very happy to just sit and rest with you whenever needed.

Young Nihil

With his history, it's a miracle this dumbass isn't in a wheelchair, honestly. He just keeps getting into trouble and tripping over nothing.

He jokes about it, saying that once he needs a wheelchair, you two should totally race.

Offers you a piggy back ride to the nearest seat if you get tired and then you two just chill there.

Cuddles and kisses after a hard day!!

~

Papas I, IV and Papa Nihil written by Nosferatu.

Papa II written by Zenith/Jasper.

Papa III written by Death.

Taglist: @charlie-is-a-menace @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @calliedion-dungeon @randominstake @callmeicaro @thecuriouss @nuntia @dio-niisio @mamacarlyle @firefirevampire @mybotanicaldemise @emo-mess @natoncesaid @sirlsplayland @thatoddboy @ouijaboardemo @lightbluuestars @strawberriiblossoms @z-xmyers @igodownjustlikeholymary @dark-angel-is-back @choco-meow69

#ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #ask #anon #ghost band x reader #ghost bc x reader #ghost x reader #papa emeritus i #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #papa nihil #papa emeritus zero #old papa nihil #young papa nihil #papa emeritus i x reader #papa emeritus ii x reader #papa emeritus iii x reader #papa emeritus iv x reader #papa emeritus zero x reader #papa emeritus 0 #papa emeritus 0 x reader #papa nihil x reader #old papa nihil x reader #young papa nihil x reader

[aziraphales-library]

Hello extraordinary mods!

I was wondering if you knew of any fics where madame Tracy was trying to get Aziraphale to confess his feelings to Crowley or just trying to get them together in general.

Thank you! 😇😈

Hey there! You might want to check our #matchmaking tag for fics like this. Here are some where Tracy meddles in Aziraphale's love life...

Doorway to Paradise by TawnyOwl95 (E)

Crowley is the guy everyone goes to for a good time. He’s the fling, the hook up, even though he hopes for more. Still, waking up to an empty bed the morning after a one night stand is not something he should be surprised by. In Aziraphale’s defence, he's never had a one night stand before, and really doesn't know how they work.

I’ve Got This Friend by Ambra_Sue (T)

Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley needs help in the dating department, or so they claim. Their friends Anathema and Tracy have other ideas.

Honeysuckle and White Jasmine by HolyCatsAndRabbits (E)

While on a bad blind date at a coffee shop, bookshop owner Aziraphale meets a gorgeous red-haired barista. Also Aziraphale knows flower language and he's not afraid to use it. So now Aziraphale was going on a date with someone Tracy knew. Since Tracy had arranged it, Aziraphale let her pick the place as well: Double Double, a new coffee shop. Tracy had promised that the shop was lovely and had a selection of rich desserts, which was honestly the part that had convinced Aziraphale. Aziraphale’s one bit of defiance was the flowers. He had a book or two in his shop on flower language, and he’d decided that the bouquet was going to be the sweetener for the day (besides the dessert), the spoonful of sugar that helped the medicine go down. Yellow carnations: Disdain, disappointment, rejection. Red snapdragon: Deception. Purple columbine: foolishness. White candytuft: indifference. And finally butterfly weed, a bright little orange cluster flower, which meant Let me go! Armed with his passive-aggressive (but quite lovely smelling) bouquet, Aziraphale took a cab to Double Double.

Vary my days by Aracloptia (G)

He could not recall how much time had passed between the invention of the book and himself owning a lot of books. He had simply woken up one day surrounded by them, as if he always had been. Crowley had been the first one to point it out. He always was. Except this time, he had not so much pointed it out as tripped over a pile of them, shouting ”FUCK, Angel, what's the DEAL with all these bloody BOOKS?” Aziraphale had tutted, put a drink in his hand and miracled up a sofa behind him without answering the question. The sofa was still there. Surrounded by piles and piles of books. ------ After Crowley leaves, Aziraphale needs a change. He sorts through his books, makes new friends (or tries to), and discovers the beauty of ansaphones.

I keep coming back to you by ducks_elise (T)

Aziraphale volunteers at the university library. Crowley usually doesn't go there but he went with two of his classmates to study. He keeps coming back to see Aziraphale, their relationship develops from there

The Invisible Touch by AppleSeeds (T)

Aziraphale is reduced to a quivering mess just looking at Crowley’s face smiling up at him from the programme, let alone sitting in the front row of the theatre watching him perform, or standing face-to-face with him, with Crowley's hand on his arm, after he summons him to the stage to help him with one of his tricks... When Aziraphale reveals that he too is a magician and the two actually become friends, Crowley soon realises that someone has severely knocked Aziraphale’s confidence, and becomes determined to do whatever he can to restore it.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #matchmaking #getting together #madame tracy #mod d

[cookiesandbiscuits]

Hello.If it's don't bothering you may i ask headcanons Kalego x Fem! Human! Assassin! Reader as Yor Forger from Spy x family.If you don't watch this one, then how you imagine yourselves relationship Kalego and Fem! Human! Assasin! Reader. I think it's kinda cute he is guardian dog and she is the soldier-protector of her country

Hi!!! Thank you for asking! It's not a bother at all, really ^^

I enjoy writing stuff for other people to enjoy, hence why I created this blog aside for my hyperfixation ramblings.

I did watch the show until the 9th episode and read the manga until the 58th chapter (I got busy with school so I can't finish it yet :'D). Honestly, I understand how Yor got her fame in the fandom (I love seeing a badass female character that's also pretty soft on the inside)

It's been a while since I wrote a headcanon tho... Anyways, hope you enjoy this!

Happy reading!

Soft but Deadly: A Dating Headcanon

Pairing: Kalego Naberius x Fem! Human Assassin! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning: might be a bit OOC and out of order (I blanked out in some parts, oops 😬 damn my sleep-deprived brain); Narnia Naberius is such a jerk here (I'm still salty about what he did to Iruma in that chapter) not proofread

MASTERLIST

Dating Kalego is a very interesting experience. Expect to have numerous discussions about your shared interests.

He is a very romantic person on the inside (lemme have my romantic Kalego okay?)

He'll be taking you out on a date whenever your schedules align. And he'll be gentlemanly about it. Dinner dates, a trip to an opera house, and the like are the typical setting for the dates that he planned. However, that doesn't mean that it's boring. He makes sure that you'll enjoy the dates to the fullest because you only deserve the best of the best.

In short, dates planned by him can get a bit fancy for your taste. That's why you make sure that he also get to experience new things in life.

Dates planned by you are simple yet enjoyable enough for the two of you. Picnics, travel dates, movie dates, and the like are the things on your list.

He enjoys the massages you offer to him when you know he's tired from work. You just know what points to focus on to make him loosen up (due to the nature of your job)

He does not bat an eye on your job as an assassin. But that doesn't stop him from worrying about your safety. He'll be the one who'll take care of the wounds you got from your latest mission. He'll be scolding you while dressing them though.

When you told him about the nature of your job, he first thought that you were pulling his leg. You were so gentle with others, how can you have such a profession as your job?

But after seeing the serious look on your face, he knew you weren't joking around. Well, it's okay. He can live with the fact that the love of his life lives a double life as an assassin.

Before the start of your relationship, Kalego used to be so cold, bordering on mean to you. But that didn't stop you from admiring the demon, even though it was evident that he did not return the same sentiments.

So you were surprised when he asked you out on a date one day. He had liked you for a while now, but he doesn't know how to tell you.

The only reason that he asked you out was that Balam was pressuring talked him out to confess to you.

And apparently, he got fed up with his friend's nagging that it gave him the courage to ask you out.

He can be subtly protective of you in public. But this becomes more prominent after you reveal to him that you were human.

He knows that you are capable of defending yourself from physical harm, but you can't use magic, so you won't be able to save yourself when your opponent used their magic on you.

He wonders how you got into the Netherworld in the first place, but he doesn't ask you about it. He knows that you'll tell him once you're ready.

But like all relationships, the two of you also experienced a lot of setbacks, mainly from his brother Narnia.

I saw it, you saw it. We all know how Narnia feels about humans from that chapter. So naturally, he's against his brother's relationship with you.

For some reason, Kalego's older brother discovered your secret and was very obvious about his prejudices. But your boyfriend defended you from him, claiming that it doesn't matter to him whatever your race is.

Kalego doesn't play around when he decided to enter into a relationship with you. He does not date around just for fun, no. He is serious about you and considers asking for your hand in marriage in the future.

Once he made it clear to his brother, Narnia decided to back off. He still does not like you but he also doesn't want his brother to resent him.

While Kalego was thankful when his brother got the message, you also knew his plans for the future now. Well, it doesn't matter. It's not like you'd refuse him when he finally asks the question, no?

#mairimashita iruma kun #mairimashita! iruma kun #m!ik #m!ik fanfic #kalego naberius #naberius kalego #kalego sensei #kalego x reader #kalego naberius x reader #m!ik kalego #cookie writings

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday :) Ep been wanting to get to. Anytime we get little more depth to them and Tim as a character I’m a happy girl. I forgot s2 only has 20 not 22 eps HA We’re almost done which is insane to me. Feel like we just started s2. So after this one we have 3 left in this season. What a trip. Let’s delve in shall we?

2x17 Control

Thanks to Nolan our couple starts their day off with some foot patrol. Grey wants them more engaged with the community. Tim lets her know that while he finds foot patrol annoying he agrees this is important to do. That it creates trust and likability therefore they get more help. Lucy seems real impressed with his answer. I always love when Tim impresses Lucy with his insight. Also when she makes sure he knows how enlightened she finds him. She's hot for Tim in these moments haha

Lucy loves when he shows her his moral compass about this stuff. I said it last review Tim as a person is very attractive. It's definitely huge part of her draw to him. A random guy comes up to them asking for legal advice. They stop and address him. Lucy fully expects Tim to answer this man’s question. I’m rolling when he tells this guy they’re movie extras’. Lucy’s double take is too damn funny. How she kept a straight face idk. He’s such a grumpy old man sometimesI love it. Or as Aaron says in s5 he’s like the old dude from 'UP' LMFAO I love you Timothy Bradford haha

Lucy's smile when he tells her they’re not google is too cute. We all know she loves her grump of a man. She’s enjoying him cracking a joke with a side of heart eyes to go with that smile. Look at him cracking jokes. So proud. Their comfortability level at this point is off the charts. His sense of humor is so fun to see. (He cracked me up too. I laugh every time.)This came out all on its own. I love him so easily making one around her. Lucy is quite amused and enjoying it herself.

Side notes I love about this scene. The ever wonderful height difference I legit can’t get enough. How damn in-sync they are as they’re walking together. Honestly the entire scene. Look at them. Lastly a fan favorite the the lack of personal space. Within inches of each other at all times. Like moths drawn to a flame. Always gravitating back to one another. Their physical chemistry without touching always floors me.

We rejoin them still on foot patrol. Lucy asking Tim if Rachel was disappointed she canceled on her last night? Trying to justify to Tim why she ended up bailing on their bar plans. Clearly residual PTSD from Caleb manifesting into her doing this. She’s clearly wanting to be relieved of the guilt she feels for canceling on her.

Tim is usually that person for her with his insight and telling her like it is. Not this time...She doesn’t get the reply she wants unfortunately. Just Tim being a lying liar who lies, when he says they don’t ever talk about her. Ok honey we believe you…I’m sure he actually talks about her more than Rachel would like. Lucy is offended with his cavalier answer LOL

Their convo gets interrupted by a dope stealing Girl Scout cookies. He runs and ends up in someone’s windshield. One of the little girls shows up from the troop to help them. Tells them they can use her scarf and pen as a tourniquet. Even tells Lucy where to apply it. Pretty impressive composure for a kid haha

Tim’s face is my favorite part when she asks if she can get a badge for this? He’s not sure what shocks him more. Her knowing how to do this or asking for a badge for it haha Lucy’s smile back at Tim is pretty cute. I feel like this will be them as parents when their kid does something that shocks them haha

The fire dept. arrives and so does Emmett Lang. Not gonna lie everyone he is smokin. I remember first time I watched this episode, I was thinking holy hell this man is attractive. Lucy deserved someone on this level of hotness to re-enter the dating world with. He is instantly flirty with Lucy. Telling her his condolences for Tim being her T.O. (good thing Tim misses this part ha) Lucy has zero problems flirting right back with him.

Honestly good for her. This is so needed post-Caleb. She’s crashing Jackson’s date plans and canceling on Rachel. She needed something to get her back on her feet. Just like Rachel was the perfect person for Tim post-Isabel. Emmett was for Lucy in the aftermath of 2x11. Girl needed a win and to feel it was ok to re-integrate back into the world of dating. Quite the score to start back up with if I do say so myself ha

They flirt some more at the hospital. Emmett basically asks her out and Lucy panics. Lies says she has something going on. Oh my girl. That PTSD is showing and I can’t blame her. Just hate seeing it affect her. Tim comes up and says it’s time to go. He says bye to Emmett and Lucy makes the connection they know each other. So she leans on her lifeline since she’s having doubts.

Tries to ask Tim about Emmett. Says he seems nice. Trying to get a beat on him through Tim’s eyes. Tim doesn't understand her line of questioning at first. Just giving short answers that give her no depth. He's thinking nothing of it until she gives him that look above. Then he quickly pieces together what this is.

He instantly disengages about it. Telling her 'No.' Not S1 Tim 'I could care less about your life.' disengaged. More 'I don’t trust myself to give you the right advice.' kind of distance. He wants no part of this. Lucy seems so upset he won’t talk to her about this. This scene is funny in how he cuts it off. How upset she seems. The pointing of his finger. Sadly we know the deep kernel of truth he feels to that final line of the scene.

The weight he’s still carrying around about her abduction. He doesn’t trust himself to vet Emmett for her. Since in his mind he failed so spectacularly with Caleb. He’d rather pass that emotional responsibility off to someone else. The weight that’s already on his soul is crushing...he can’t add to the load. Oh my broken boy. I wanna give you the biggest hug.

Lucy breaks my heart when Jackson tells her he needs alone time with Sterling. Lucy realizes she’s a third wheel. Has been for awhile now. She is horrified by this. Luckily Tim saves her with an OT opportunity. Joining the DEA operation Nolan and Harper are running. Lucy instantly jumps on it. She looks so upset walking away from Jackson. My poor girl. I want to give her a hug. I wanna hug them both in this one. This OP was blessing in disguise for her to do though. We get the best part of the episode during the stakeout.

Lucy is "on the phone" with Rachel saying all the things she wishes Tim would engage her on. He’s shaking his head as she rambles on. It’s so funny. Telling “Rachel” she’s been using Jackson and Sterling as a crutch. That together they make the perfect BF. Saying how they’re safe and that's why she keeps choosing them. My heart. Tim interjects 'Who are you talking to? 'Cause he knows it’s not Rachel.

John interrupts asking if they want coffee? He is going on a run. Lucy is her adorable self and asks for a chai tea latte all excited. Tim cuts her off saying this is a stakeout he's not going to Starbucks LOL Lucy rolls her eyes at him. He’s such an ass sometimes but I love him dearly rough edges and all. John is so sweet tells her he’ll see if he can find her some vanilla creamer LMAO

Lucy returns instantly to her fake convo and Tim can’t take it any longer. Has to call her out in the most Tim Bradford way he can. By calling her and proving she isn’t on the phone…Lucy is mortified but answers LOL Poor girl she just wants to talk it out with her person. I’m a lot like Lucy in the way that I need to talk things out. If I don’t they’ll eat me alive. I have a compulsive need to confront things and not let them fester.

It’s good to have that person you can talk it out with. If you don’t you start to self advise and that’s never good. Tim is that for her. Her sounding board. To her she has a problem she reaches for the lifeline that is Tim to sort it out. So him denying her that catharsis is messing with her. Why she created this fake convo. It got his attention so in the end it worked.

What kills me the most with this scene is both their reactions honestly. Lucy for being utterly shocked Tim would think his opinion had lost any value post-Caleb. To her it never ever occurred to place any blame on him. To trust his gut or opinion any less because of her DOD trauma. Breaks my heart Tim doesn’t see this before they have this conversation. That he truly believes his opinion has lost its value in her eyes after Caleb.

Lucy is astonished he would think she doesn't want his POV. She lives for it. Its the most important one in her life. Tim is so very vulnerable with her with his follow up answer. So proud of him for this vulnerability BTW. Nothing scarier than being emotionally exposed with another person. You can see it written all his face. That guard is down. We see the toll this guilt has taken on him. He unburdens his soul to her. Tells what has been eating at him for months.

That his advice pushed her towards something that could’ve ended her life. Since then he has devalued his place in her life. Doesn’t find himself worthy to advise her in personal matters. He fought against it for so long. Then he gave in and Caleb happened. In his mind proving why he never should’ve gotten involved in the first place. Chiding himself for getting close to her and having that closeness which put her in danger.

Lucy truly had no idea the guilt he'd been carrying since 2x11. It’s six episodes later. At the earliest that's 6 weeks at the most its a little over 2 months if we include her recovery time. The latter is the more likely timeline. That’s a long time to be carrying a burden she never placed on him. She can't stand that he's done this to himself. Lucy immediately wants to put him at ease. Trying to offload that burden and chuck it far away. It never once crossed her mind he would take the sole responsibility. Because not for one second did she ever blame him for it.

She vehemently reassures him it wasn’t his fault. He could be told by everyone under the sun it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t going to stop mentally flogging himself till Lucy forgave him. She is all the things he needs in this moment. Letting him know she thinks it’s ridiculous he would blame himself, that no one had any reason to suspect Caleb for what he was, and overall what happened wasn’t on him. Lucy is taking that weight off his shoulders and throwing it away. Never allowing him to pick it back up again.

He looks so damn relieved and honestly very vulnerable after she absolves him. It helps him start to close a self inflicted wound. Eric the king of facial expressions killing me softly in this scene. His eyes and the way he looks at her when she said wasn’t his fault. *heart clutch* He couldn’t even look at her till she said that. Then when he does he's in awe of her. Like he can't believe she doesn't blame him but is so grateful for her saying as such.

I love her also sharing it wasn’t hers either. It was not at all. (Growth for her too.) Looks like he's biting back his emotions when she lets Tim know how valued his opinion is. It's so sweet. He needed his sunshine human to apply some balm to his wounds. No one does it better than Lucy. She’s complimenting him while also reliving him of the guilt he’s been harboring for much longer than she would’ve liked.

Had she known this she would’ve absolved him the day after honestly. No way she would've wanted him carrying this guilt day in and day out. Her opinion matters so much to him. He NEEDED to hear her say these words. It had to come straight from Lucy or he’d never let it go. She reassured him that not only did she not blame him but his opinion was one that matters most to her. Two things that were in question for him. Quelled the storm in his soul.

It’s scenes like this that are the true building blocks to their foundation. Why they end up working so well in s5. I will die on this hill of loving every single moment of this slow burn. I’m so glad we had 4 seasons to truly make them rock solid. It was so necessary for them as a couple. I don’t regret the wait at all. Because piece by piece they were building toward ‘The Really Beautiful Place’ Lucy calls their relationship in 5x18. Everything happens for a reason for them before we get there. This is just another wonderful facet of it.

The minute he’s granted access and allowance to give her advice he doesn’t hold back. His way of showing he cares too. I love them so much for their ability to just bounce back like they do. After a deeply emotional and vulnerable chat they're right back to the banter. Easily fall back into teasing one another. Tim basically says in not so many words Emmett isn’t good enough for her.(I mean no one is but Tim lets be honest.)

Lucy probes and asks why he thinks that? Tim doesn't hesitate in the slightest. Saying he’s a firefighter for god sakes LMFAO. Clearly has a prejudice against them. For whatever Tim reason that may be. Lucy being all cute saying 'Yeah that’s what makes him so hot.' ha She’s not wrong the man is fine af.

Tim gets defensive and says he doesn’t want to talk about this if she gonna be contrarian about it. Which is Tim speak for being jealous let’s be real honest. Lucy doesn’t hesitate to call him out on it. God I love her. Jokes he’s just threatened by his ‘hunkiness’ I mean he is….his reaction alone proves that he is. It’s ok Tim she still thinks you’re smokin too. She just can’t have you just yet haha

I love them ending this scene on a funny bantery note. Shows how much Tim cares about her. The fact that he is allowing this conversation to even take place proves that. Indulging her in this. They’re so married with their banter. I Iove them sfm. Soulmate behavior the way she teases him about everything and he allows (and loves) it. We leave the scene smiling and laughing at these blissfully unaware idiots in love.

Harper has Lucy and Tim chase what they think is the decoy vehicle once their stakeout is made. They soon realize the decoy vehicle has their target and Nolan’s CI. They end up getting T-Boned in the pursuit of it. Hurts to watch. They're both knocked out cold. I adore how the first thing Tim asks when he comes to is if she’s alright. Always puts her first. The soft way he says ‘Chen’ then asks if she’s ok. It’s the little things I love so very much. ❤️

Emmett arrives on scene flirty as ever with Lucy. She decides to be honest with him. Tells him why she declined his date offer. That her social life is complicated right now. He is smooth af with his reply. Tells her once it’s not he’ll still be interested. Their scene ends pretty cute. This is so good for her. I’m really happy to see her get back out there. She really needed him to help her get over her DOD hump. Just like it’s nice to see Tim happy the same goes for Lucy. I love them both individually as as much as I do together. This cute flirt session is well deserved after all the trauma she’s been through.

Thus ends our episode for them. Such a damn good one for them. I love their building block episodes. They do depth and growth like no other. How I love them so.

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Nice to see Angela get her foot back in the door for Detective. Well earned after her fallout in S1.

Harper SL's and her backstory. Getting to watch her in UC action always fun to watch.

Thank you to those who take the time to like/comment and reblog. Means the world to me. Fuels me to do each review.

See you all in 2x18 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #s2 #2x17 Control #The Rookie 2x17 #waiting on s6 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well. #otp: some things matter more #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #the rookie #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[hotcat37]

*🥁🥁🥁🥁 EVENING DOUBLE DELIVERY 4 MY BELOVED BELGIEN KAARYLEET/BABY BOO MOOT, CAT!! X)) *🥁🥁🥁🥁

🚚_____.______._____.—>🎁🎁

(Frank the Flamingo got his own lil moodboard After seeing that mii! vers is all grown up now N has his own lil apartment N Bojere! Ice skating date cuz there’s a ton of fics 4 that but not enough moodboards + the Story that comes with it is a prequel 2 the Pokémon Café date! moodboard <33) imagine it tho,it’s coming up 2 Christmas N Jere’s spending it with his Jokerman N the rest of the Jokermen N with our bbg being a somewhat professional hockey player on the side,why wouldn’t Bojan take him 2 the best Christmas fair in all of Ljubljana which also just so happens 2 have one of biggest ice rinks in the city! With Jere N Bojan being well..Jere N Bojan they ofc do all Thinge U see couples do in hallmark Christmas movies,holding hands N skating around the sides of the rink,making heart shapes with the bottoms of their skates on the ice,holding one another like their in the titanic,even making it onto the middle of the rink without Bojan falling on his ass (N ever so coincidentally ends up tripping into the perfect position 4 his angel 2 kiss him on the lips which he definitely,totally didn’t plan so that would happen anyway ;3).Heading over 2 one of the many hot chocolate stands scattered throughout the fair,they spotted a golden retriever puppy N a husky puppy playing in the snow together which each of them immediately went 2 pet,the couple’s fans weren’t joking when they kept comparing Bojan 2 a puppy N Jere 2 a husky after all.Both of them were sitting opposite eachother in one of the festively decorated booths sipping hot chocolate N occasionally taking a bite out of the others cookie (as U can probably guess Jere infact made many flirty jokes using the whipped cream that topped the two’s drinks,turning our darling Bojci into a giggling,blushing mess tho he did manage 2 get his own back when he licked the icing off a sugar cookie VERY suggestively,making his Finn’s cheeks slightly rosey N not just from the frosty air that comes with a month like December ☺️).Bojci knew they couldn’t end the night without visiting the reindeer stables that were near the ice rink from earlier that day,a tradition his family had done since they first took him N his sister as children but with him being much,much older now this time he’d be taking his beloved boyfriend 2 see the creatures.Feeding them carrots N petting the animals all while never taking his eyes off the way Jere smiled N giggled like a kid when one of the reindeers licked his hand instead of the carrot,wondering how he’d gotten so lucky 2 not only create a unbreakable bond with the guy with a funny bowlcut who conquered Europe just by being himself but knowing that the same guy is the one he gets 2 call his,not just now but forever N he’ll finally be able 2 keep that promise soon,it might take a few months 2 get the perfect ring tho..

THESE ARE TOO FREAKING CUTE the Frank moodboard is so tropical core I just love the pink vacation Jere vibes <33 I love Frank the flamingo so much i need to see him again rn!!! And the prequel to the Bojere date :"D honestly I really like cheesy ice skating dates, there are loads of opportunities for angst and smut when it comes to Bojere but I also just love the more silly and sweet side of the pairing. I'm in love with their love <33💞🦭 Thank you so much for blessing my inbox with these!!

#käärijä #bojan cvjetićanin #bojere #frank the flamingo #cute moodboards

[zosociologist]

"Dating (& re-dating) Till Lindemann Would be Like..."

Till x Black!F!Reader - (A/N: I've rewritten this twice and deleted them both, I'm down horrendous for this man pls send help)

Warnings: you know the usual, my little smutty one to two liners because I'm too pussy to write a full fic🙄

P.S.: 💫WwaBRiM💫 but everyone is welcome to read(:

YOU two🙄

Folks genuinely wondered why you separated anyway

You two clearly had unfinished romantic business😒 y'all have a kid together for fuck sake😩

But we'll get there, we'll get there!

Okay so for starters, you two met way back when in the 90's when Rammstein was a few years old and YOU were an up and coming (and FAST) music journalist.

You were set to cover an article about this "arson-obsessed rag-tag group of robot-like neo-kraut rock-industrialists" (your boss' words not yours) and you found yourself drawn to the occasion

You were tasked with the duty of flying out to Germany for a music festival, where you'd touch base with the whole group, hopefully, and if that didn't work out, whichever one of the band mates you could interview and cover enough informational ground to make a pretty decent article.

Luckily for you, room and board was covered because a good friend of yours whom you attended college with resided in one of the quaint countryside towns, where you'd stay during your trip.

So the day came for the interview to take place in which your friend accompanied you and enjoyed the various attractions and doubled as your translator while you tried to do your job and LOW AND BEHOLD, the entire group was unable to show, except two members. One of their guitarists, Paul, and the frontman, Till.

You found a tented area where festival noise was subdued enough for you to make out your voices in the tape recordings, so that the interview could be carried out like a regular conversation among friends almost.

The interview with Paul went swiftly and your friend acted as a great translator even garnering some moments and laughter from both gentlemen.

The paradigm shift happened when you were starting with a question to ask Till and your friend to translate....when he responds to you directly, saying that "A translation is not needed, respectfully. We can talk."

You don't know WHAT exactly happened to you in that particular moment, but what you DID know is that you suddenly remembered it was the middle of June and 88°F outside.

You started to feel eyes on you as if there weren't any watching before, you felt like a fourth wall was broken.

Paul being done with his part of the interview, excused himself to go check his equipment, and your friend catching on and being your #1 hypeperson left to go "fly-fishing".

So there you were, in a tent, sitting across from this aurally intimidating man, with a coffee table and tape recorder separating you two. It generally didn't mean anything, but it felt? Like? Something?

So you get back on track to start talking about the group, their previous and individual projects, upcoming gigs and digs, things of that nature.

Then you went out on a whim and began asking him about his hobbies, ethical views and pet-pieves, favorite literature, and other things that you had no need for in the article, because honestly you got all the information you needed a while ago...you just enjoyed talking to him.

Deep down Till knew this. He appreciated it, calling you his most amicable interview to date. He found your presence soothing.

You two lost track of time and continued to talk as the sun began to go down and the group was set to go on in an hour and a half. But that didn't really stop either of you.

By this time, the tape recorder was handed to your friend, and you both were accompanied by Till to the Band's tent where every one got settled and ready for their performance slot, and you and Till were still talking through it all, actually right up until the very moment Rammstein had to go on stage and perform.

You got to witness the duality of his personality and mannerisms in real time from the sidelines, and my my, was it bewildering.

A month had passed by too fast and you both thankfully exchanged information to keep in touch. But unfortunately oceans can be a bit of a conflict.

It wasn't until you were at yet another rock festival interviewing a totally different band that you would run into him again, in total disbelief. Mostly due to the fact that the roles were reversed and now he was on your side of the pond.

You two were gunning for the same magazine laying on the bar counter in the diamond vip area, the magazine that had the published conversation between you two somewhere among the pages.

You two kinda just stared at each other for a moment. Just, wordless. No jesters. That is until you both simultaneously pulled each other in for a kiss, which turned hungry very fast. Almost like you forgot you were in a lounge with constant people traffic.

And after all you were still trying to appeal to each other as if you were still giving off first impressions.

That is until you two found an empty bathroom stall and all the professional upkeep went out of the door, pride and all.

There you were, bent over a sink with a hand over your mouth and him warning you, "Du bist nicht gehorsam, sei still oder ich werde aufhören". Long story short: You couldn't keep quiet, but he in fact, did not stop(:

Everything kinda fell in place for you two after that. Schedules were sorted out and you two found time that you probably didn't even have.

Whenever Till traveled to the states and was in your area he'd phone you to let you know he's near.

You'd have the place looking all cozy and homely, your own little safe haven.

Till likes your bed, and NOT just because he's had you on it six ways to Sunday and in several sinful and erotic ways....quite the contrary.

Your bed is sacred to you, in the sense that you wouldn't allow someone you don't trust or feel comfortable with to dwell in it. It's also like your thinking nook, so he lays his head on your lap and twirls his hair as he looks out of the window in deep thought while you read his poems he gave you to look over.

You paint sometimes, and he likes to interpret your pieces. And if he REALLY likes it, he'll write a little think piece to go with it.

You both are kiiiinda angsty due to your respective upbringings but y'all agreed that it somehow influenced a lot of work and artistry that you two have put out in the world, and you're all the better for it. Alternative therapy, you call it.

Never a dull moment between you, and if the moment seems dull to others, it's because they're outsiders looking in and you two are merely enjoying the beauty of each other in 💫silence💫.

When you visit Till in Germany it's like a neverending field trip.

You guys visit his favorite local markets in his town & his frequent bookstores

*y'all even went to a sex dungeon before but that's neither here nor there👀*

You lay out in grassy meadows & skinny dip in lakes & eat fruit clad in underwear sitting in his back patio while the radio plays Tears for Fears throwbacks from the decade prior while you mop the floor with him in UNO, playing with 21 cards each instead of 7 because "fuck the rules, they're meant to be broken and re-written when there's only 2 players" (his words not yours).

You knew everything was set in stone truly when you were introduced to his girls, this was your right of passage and you loved that he felt comfortable enough to share that part of his world with you.

Which is why when it was all said and done, you two realized that the reason you separated for a year or so was because you thought your little support system would eventually come crashing down.

[BREAKUP HEADCANNON BONUS]

Which definitely wasn't the case.

The fear of honest, vulnerable communication and not wanting to be let down and left to survive flooded the better judgment of the both of you.

You two re-kindled your relationship in the most cinematically poetic way possible....

With you, in his dressing room alone while you interviewed him for a sold-out Rammstein concert.

And that sly silvertongued man, tried to wholesomely co-parent his way into your pants:

"Did Cozette's earache go away yet?" "You left our baby's moisturizer back at my place" "Come with us to the zoo tomorrow"

(it fucking worked, surprise surprise!)

So you two were back on the love train like you never hopped off in the first place.

You two are definitely cute together, BUT your child is even cuter, your friends agree and so do the rest of The Boiz™️, Till is pretty sure he witnessed Flake shed a tear when he was putting your baby's hair into little puffs once.

Wholesome couple all-around, DIABOLICALLY sexual sometimes (bought a shirt that says "Motherf*cker" and will wear it out when hanging with you for laughs)....but STILL WHOLESOME none the less!

#When I tell yall.....this wasn't gonna make it out of the drafts😩 #till lindemann #till lindemann fanfic #rammstein fanfiction #tillepathy #my writing

[swishymermaid]

A Midsummer Nightmare

On February 21st of 2023, I submitted my application to get my passport for a study abroad trip that I had been accepted into from school. I was very excited as studying abroad has always been a dream of mine, so I double-checked and made sure that I had everything and had done the application correctly.

When the trip had first been in the works, I thought that I had control over what I could and could not do. Make my passport application early and have it expedited, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about it in the long run when the departure date got closer. But as time went on, I realized that I had no control over any of that. I was stuck at the mercy of the Passport agency in hopes that I could still go on this trip. After hours of phone calls and talking to people I was making no headway on my passport application. I had no clue where it could have been. I kept checking my online status and on some days it would tell me it was "Unavailable" and then the next day it was in progress. So I had decided enough was enough and that I would give them a call. The first day, I was up on hold for almost hours, and when someone finally picked up I was only told they couldn't do anything and that I should call back 2 weeks before I traveled. That was my repeated cycle of never-ending calls and being told nothing other than that they couldn't help me.

 Finally, after some time I was able to get some information about why my passport was taking so long. I was told that it was because of my birth certificate being from Puerto Rico. From that point, everything went down spiraling honestly. The first person I talked to had become slightly aggressive to my questions as to why my birth certificate was the problem. She had begun asking me why I didn’t have a passport in the first place, especially if I was living in the US already. My confusion as to why I would have needed one only seemed to agitate her more before she transferred me to someone else. The next couple of people I had talked with all had assumed that I should have had my passport already since I was born in Puerto Rico and that was the general talk everyone kept giving me.

After some time I decided to email the office of Congressman Cicilline who did manage to help me. I was finally able to get more information about what my situation was and what my future looked like with my passport. Sadly, it didn't look too good so I was left here in Providence as all my friends and classmates boarded their plane to the UK. Even the following days after, I kept calling to see what the progress looked like and I was told that they didn't even know where my birth certificate was, let alone what my application status was. When I tried to ask for a way to contact the agency I was told I could mail them a letter if I felt like it but there was no guarantee that they would get back to me.

After all of this, I started seeing articles about Puerto Rican families being stopped for not having a passport at airports. 

“Spirit Airlines told a Puerto Rican mother to provide her toddler's passport, but when she couldn’t, she says an airline agent & a supervisor refused to allow her & her family to fly from California to the island of Puerto Rico.”

Those were the articles that kept popping up on my phone. And I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe I was wrong. Perhaps there was a new law change or just maybe I was mistaken about certain rules. I kept trying to come up with reasons and excuses as to why this could have happened to me, to begin with, or if there was a way to fix any of it. So I did the only most logical thing that I could have thought to do next,  I decided to go back to Puerto Rico, as a bit of petty spite since I didn’t need a passport to go back home. I went back to Puerto Rico, initially to get another birth certificate in order to replace the one that the Passport agency said they had never received. But while there I did end up taking my time and seeing my family, seeing the island that I had left behind so many years ago. Though I may not have been able to study with my friends in England, I was able to reconnect and explore another place for a short while.

But not all stories have a sad or bad ending. I was fine at the end of the day because I knew that I had people by my side who were fighting for me no matter what. For them, I am truly thankful. Especially to Mr. Roger Suchite who put in his time to help me and another peer with our passports.

Good Evening Mr. Suchite,

I wanted to thank you again so much for the time and work that you have put into helping me with my passport situation. Sadly, I was not able to go on the trip with my classmates, but I was able to go back home to Puerto Rico, which wasn't the worse thing ever. I wanted to inform you that last night I received a small package and behold! My passport had arrived. Though late, it was a nice surprise to see. Seeing it in person has truly made me realize the amount of time and effort that was put into getting this passport, and you were such a big help in that department. Everyone else I had managed to talk with merely pushed my situation to the side and kept telling me there was nothing that they could do. Having you go that extra mile and finding out what you could, truly made me feel heard and happy.

So I wanted to once again sincerely thank you. Without your help, I don't think I would have ever actually received this passport and perhaps would have had to restart a new application. 

I couldn't have gotten this without your help. 

Thank you and sincerely,

Chantel Figueroa Torres

#shakespeare #passport #travel #school #abroad #new

[matan4il]

Good morning Alice!! Happy Hanukkah! I hope you are having a lovely holiday and a break from work? Do you guys put up a Christmas tree? I don't know if you watch The Goldbergs, but their Hanukkah episodes were always great, especially this last one.

I feel bad because I think I am one of the few that doesn't believe Buck will be in a coma or, honestly, even injured. But.. I do believe that when the next scare/injury does occur, it will be him. For various reasons but the main one was his initial problem was he felt like his life was stale. I picture him more going on a road trip or going home to visit Daniel's grave. We never got resolution really about that.

And in Eddie begins, we got the helicopter crash, his breakdown was when he realized they all had died. Buck Begins was the introduction of how Conor got him to LA but also the reason he was born. I just feel like we will have a pattern

In addition, I don't know if Eddie will be part of the journey, but I do believe he will be part of the resolution. Mostly because again patterns. Now we do need to see Eddie maybe date to see what he really needs in a partner. AKA Bucks journey last season. Again though it all serves the purpose to bring them together.

And now, just for fun, indulge me. I don't think this will happen, but can you imagine. While Buck is confronting his past. He runs into an old boyfriend and his husband! Bi Buck confirmed. At the same time, Chim is asking Eddie about his date. He's like she wasn't my type, I mean, women in general aren't my type anymore." Said all bashful like. Queer Eddie confirmed!! Then the finale is Eddie shyly being like Hey Buck want to go to dinner Friday night . Correcting Buck, he means just them and Buck a blushing yes, but the alarm rings, and at the scene, that's when Buck gets hurt . 2 cliffhangers for the price of one. I know it won't happen, but I can dream, lol.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday!!!! Stat safe!

Hi darling! Good morning to you! And thank you so much for the Hanukkah wishes! ^u^ But Hanukkah is actually the busiest time of the year at my job, so no rest for this shipper. And as you could probably figure out by now, we don't do anything related to Xmas. Thank you for the rec regarding The Goldbergs! I wasn't really familiar with this show. Should I watch it? Is it about a Jewish family? (it sounds like it, but one never knows for sure...)

You have nothing to feel bad about! Neither an injury, nor a coma are a certainty, and everyone's guess is equally as valid. TBH, having Buck resolve some things without an injury would be refreshing. But we are watching a firefighters show (with an added bit of police), so having injuries is a bit more "routine" than on other shows. So yeah, I do think the next serious injury would be Buck just in terms of how long it's been since his last one (we saw Hen and Chim in the hospital during 517, Bobby was in it during 414 and 516, Eddie had a whole arc that started with being shot in 413, but Buck has been free of serious injury since 303), and in giving it greater meaning, it makes sense to employ that injury precisely when he goes through a crisis around the sperm donor thing. But they def could surprise us all and give us a more original way for Buck to realize some stuff and get closure when it comes to the things he learned about Daniel and his parents in 405. I would welcome that!

I always try not to get too invested in any speculation, but either way, I def agree that Eddie is likely to be a part of the resolution. It is the natural parallel, but also, it very much feels like that's what they're building towards with the Buddie distance in 6a, and especially with moments like Eddie being annoyed and hanging up on the group call in 609 without ever talking on screen to Buck about what's going on...

LOL I do love that scenario, thank you for sharing it! XD A double cliffhanger would be some amazing angst. I think it is possible once 911 gets them to the point where there is nothing else standing in their way, so we finally have a moment where it seems like it all may be mutual and slotting into place, only for a physical danger to tear them apart... But TBH, our show so far has made it clear that it's less interested in this type of cliffhanger, so... we'll see. Everything is wait an dsee at this point.

Thank you for the ask! I hope you're safe as well, that you had a lovely holiday and will have a very happy new year! As always, here is my ask tag. xoxox

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #911 #connor #911 speculation #ask #morning anon #daphnesvalley #fandom love #kindness #personal #<3333 #thank you! #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

[hardly-an-escape]

I was tagged by the wonderful @valeriianz (sorry if you got a double notification, my finger slipped and this posted prematurely)... thank you! I loooove talking about myself and I'm finally catching up :)

Rules: Tag 10 (or less) people you want to get to know better

Relationship status: my husband and I have been married since summer 2019, a couple since early 2016, and friends since the fall of 2009. I highly recommend dating/marrying someone you're already good friends with; we skipped a lot of the awkward early relationship nonsense and just went right to the good stuff (good sex and arguing about Star Trek).

Favourite colour: my usual answer is red, but I haven't been vibing with it as much lately and have been much more drawn to the green/blue family recently.

Song stuck in my head: well, it was a random psalm setting from this week's choral Evensong service, but then I copy/pasted and deleted valeriianz's answers and now it's Sonny & Cher ;P

Three favourite foods: food is one of my great pleasures and joys in life and I couldn't possibly pick just three. but here are three things I cook a lot because I love them: fresh homemade Spätzle with sautéed cabbage and chicken sausage, stir fried veggies and chicken (or shrimp) with homemade peanut sauce, and this miso maple salmon from the NYT Cooking blog which I usually serve with rice and roasted green beans or broccoli.

Last song Iistened to: this movement from Leonard Bernstein's Chichester Psalms, also on account of this week's Evensong service (we sang it with organ and harp and it was exquisite).

Dream trip: I would really really love to go back to Ireland; my husband has never been and I want to take him. as for places I haven't been yet... I would love to visit the Mediterranean, especially Greece. New Orleans. Cairo. the Azores. Costa Rica. Japan. New Zealand. Prince Edward Island. Rome. the list is honestly endless... I've traveled a fair amount in the United States and western Europe, but there's still so much of the globe I haven't even touched yet. I miss traveling.

Last thing I googled: "site:archiveofourown.org dream of the endless is a horny weasel" I just wanted to know if it was already a tag!! OKAY!!!!

I really haven't been online this week so I have no idea who's already done this and who hasn't and I don't know who to tag, so I'm going to take the coward's way out and just say if you're seeing this and looking for an excuse to answer these questions, consider this your sign.

#about me #tag game

[fishtails-nat1]

grading double life ships, shipnames, if any, added in brackets.

CANON PAIRINGS:

Ma'el/Pall'or (cultduo, sometimes maellor) the classic, they had chemistry day one. honestly not much more to say other than the fact that the players are on their hands and knees to stop the slowburn and let them fuck. bonus points for the intersting backstory weaving. 10/10

Eiwn/Miym very well done friendship to tragic love. the chemistry these two have is off the walls, like why are pep and cerin so good at doing these friends to lovers ships. the tragic family aspect and cool gods backstory stuff provides a really interesting dynamic. 10/10 i like the poem

RD/Alastrelle (no common tagname, but adding in one ive seen; "winnerduo" cause its funny as fuck) I didn't used to see it cause they had a slight roughness to their alliance but when alastrelle started getting darker vibes? ok yeah this is some cool corruption shit. RD has nothing to hold them back anymore either. i hope they win and kiss about it. 10/10

Luck/Lilly (tigerlilly, luckian) I think this one is actually just canon aside from pairing stuff? or its luck pining a lot, whatever. it's... it's hard to actually judge this one because pep can't actually play out them talking to one another, but y'know what yeah i like the vibes. me and my girlwife who hates people. me and my malewife who trips over roots. 8/10

NON-CANON PAIRINGS:

RD/Pall'or why is their friends with benefits energy off the CHARTS holy shit. RD has plans to kill him but the enemies to lovers energy could be fucking insane??? they have multiple plans to fuck?? the fact that pall'or knows every inch of their body?? 10/10 keeps that inappropriate workplace relationship going

RD/Eiwn they work really well as the weirdgirl/jockboy so I think it's pretty funny. yeah we gay keep scrolling! not a lot of substance anymore and tbh i've seen a lot of angst breakup fics following the latest events so.... yeah.... 6/10

Alastrelle/Luck from what I've seen, all the fics are entirely about the single conversation they've had. There's some further chemistry to be explored, but for now, I don't really see it. 4/10

Pall'or/Alastrelle the starboys... the lovers under the moon... I think they can be so wonderful or horrible for each other. i dont know why im saying this but hannigrm kind of. 7/10

Pall'or/Lilly HOOOOO boy theres a lot to be said when most of the fics under this are hurt no comfort and one-sided relationship. cool job speculating what the fuck happened between these guys. 9/10 because pallor would actually do that yeah

RD/Luck ok yeah again with the pathetic malewife who trips over roots and the cool strong one. I think the fact that RD does actually like luck feeds into this, it's pretty strong actually. 9/10

Pall'or/Luck ok half these noncanon ships involve them so its abt time! i don't have anything to add i just agree. 9/10 because they have yet to flirt in an insane way

Luciano/Cle'av i've seen some age discourse around this so no hate please im just doing rankings. we all love a consentual workplace relationship, especially on the dating death game show. 7/10

Ma'el/Luck once again dont mention the discourse pleaseeee luck said "oh i guess we're not then" in the same sentance after bringing up being related. yeah i think a dog and a cat can be lovers, if they try hard enough. more than anything i like the fact that theyre streetsmart vs booksmart vibe that pall and mael have too. 9/10

RD/Eiwn/Alastrelle polycule is always a win. i have small hope they'll meetup again to do more stuff like the bear bit, buttttt things arent going good. i miss these three 10/10

Ma'el/Pall'or/Luck ive said all that ive needed to say. 10/10

#dldnd #if anyone starts discoursing im gonna pvp and block #these are pretty opinion based #feel free to send asks with more rarepairs i did my best

[firsttarotreader]

Okay, so first off I'm going to start by saying normally stay out of this sort thing but I have been a Pedro fan for a long tie and seeing the hell hole some of you have turned it into know who you are) I needed to say something because honestly the problem goes beyond Pedro at this point with some of the shit I have been seeing. This is aimed at some people who I know read this blog.

Firstly, some of the mlm/queer fetishization in this fandom (new fans and old) is disgusting and quite honestly some of the most outdates, shameless shit I have ever seen. Don't even try to say it isn’t just sexualization either because it is and here is why... I understand that no one is going to stop speculation on Pedro’s sexuality (I will come to this later) and speculation on his dating/sex life; this is just part of being a celebrity. what I don’t like it the double standard I am seeing with that makes me believe a lot of you see Pedro as part of your mlm fetish, you like “ship” Pedro with every man he is seen with but if anyone dares mention a woman you block them or get very upset and even attack them – this is very strange seeing as it is ALL speculation NOT FACT. Example: Pedro recently went to a concert with Tessa, a long-time friend. This was not a work event and purely casual, he was seen guiding her by her back and touching her shoulder as a friend might, this did not spark any speculation of a relationship and was not labeled a “soft launch”. However, a similar happens where a male friend visits him in NYC on what seems to be casual and even a/friends trip to the gallery becomes a date and rammed down everyone's throats as a relationship announcement. Same with the BC, at face value it seemed to be to friends at an event if we are treating it the same way we do with many of Pedro’s other friends but no it is a man – so we must blow everything out of proportion. We do not know anything for certain about his love life until he wants to make that clear and right now he has not so I do not understand why everyone must argue about it – you aren’t going to know until HE WANTS YOU TO. But do you see why what some of the fandom is doing is clearly just outdated fetish???

Moving onto the big “debate” on Pedro’s sexuality... Pedro has not come out as anything and if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to naturally this leads to people wondering what his sexuality might be, this mostly is okay. What isn’t okay is making your decision and plastering it all over the internet and digging for “stories” to try and out him. You can have your own belief without being completely disrespectful about it. Also, I find it very strange that some of you clearly base you whole obsession about Pedro around his sexuality, not work, not who he is as a person, but just who he has sex with. You would not do this with someone was openly straight so why is it okay to do with a potentially queer person??? Pedro has not worked so hard all his to have some of you reduce everything he does down to who he might be sleeping with and if he is gay or not, so maybe some of you really need to re think how you are acting on certain platforms and in comment sections because is wrong – try to enjoy something else about him for a bit, praise his work. Not him having a sexual relationship with everyone he comes in contact with.

And if this makes you feel annoyed or uncomfortable you are part of the problem

So this sums up what we’ve been saying all along, anon! Thanks! ❤️

[immigration-consultants-dubai]

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#immigration #visa #visit visa #uk #immigrants

[underhercovers]

I'm feeling sad all over again, I'm just very disappointed with ppl in general. I invited some ppl out to an event I was attending, and once again, no body I invited showed up or reached out. I tried very hard not to let it bother me, bc I try to think "they're the ones missing out on all the fun, not me", but it all started felling apart once I tried to make it a romantic moment for me and my boyfriend, he just kept doing things that were ruining the moment for me, it was just upsetting me more, that I ended up going to the restroom and crying, like why am I not worth the quality time and effort. Even when I posted to my CF on IG, none of them reached out to check on me, I literally said I felt terrible, and I couldn't even get an "are you okay". It just makes me feel very resentful to ppl, like no body is worth the time and energy to get to know anymore.

I wanted to plan a trip with some friends to California, but now I don't even feel like it's worth it, I just don't want to be disappointed by them in some shape or form leading up to the trip, or be surrounded by ppl who aren't on the trip for friendships, just for clout, it would really hurt me all over again. There is another event I'm going to on the 13th, one of my tism friends is definitely going with me which I'm happy about, I also reconnected with someone I was cool with back in college, they actually randomly reached out to me one day, and it was quite a pleasant surprise, anyways, I also told them about the event, idk if they'll show or not, and I honestly don't even want to think to much about it. I also have a double date plan with another tism friend I'm looking forward to as well, I'm trying to make the best of things.

I'm not really sure what to do, I never wanted to become resentful, but I'm so sensitive, and I'm tried of feeling hurt by ppl, bc even though I'm fully aware that no one is purposely trying to hurt me, it still hurts not to be showed up for, and wondering why no one thinks your worth the time. Like I'm tried of putting energy into ppl just to feel lonely at the end of the day still.