#how come every character i fell in love just….dies
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i know we just met, but i love you
synopsis: love at first sight with the tokyo revengers men.
characters: manjiro 'mikey' sano, takashi mitsuya, chifuyu matsuno
genre: fluff
warnings: none (i think...?)
masterlist.
manjiro 'mikey' sano
"ken-chinnnn" the leader of the toman whined at his taller friend. draken rolled his eyes in response, "no mikey, drop it."
"come onnnn-" the said man pouted exaggeratedly, "what did i do wrong?"
"nothing." the delinquent replied taking his wallet out of the pocket of his jacket, "you just don't need to eat twenty-five taiyaki."
"sorry to bother you but there are a lot of people who are waiting take their orders so if you could-" daiki, as it was written on his name tag, tried to cut them off from behind the counter.
for the past ten minutes, the two delinquents were arguing about their order. draken wanted to buy mikey five taiyaki, while mikey wanted his friend to buy him twenty-five of them.
draken turned his head to the cashier, "yeah, so five taiyaki and-"
"twenty-five taiyaki." "damn you-"
"hurry up! unlike other people, some of us have important things to do!" a customer yelled from the back of the line.
manjiro snapped his head to the back of the line, narrowing his eyes at the older man who had just yelled at him. "see now you're making people angry, mikey. 'm not gonna spend ¥5,272 on snacks."
"i need to eat a lot if i want to be taller!"
"for the last time. you won't get taller! you are at your maximum height!"
"alright! i'm not going through this again." a soft voice cut both of them before they could start the same argument they had 2 minutes ago. "daiki, i'll pay for their order- just make his goddamn snacks, please."
when manjiro turned to look at the person who 'saved his life', he felt like he has just died and miraculously came back to life as he made eye contact with you.
you were... pretty.
his eyes were set on you, taking in every single detail he could as if he was scared to forget how you look the second he'll look away.
"thank you, but that's not necessary!" draken politely thanked you as you grabbed your fidelity card of the small shop.
"don't worry about it! after all, those fidelity points have to be used for something." you waved him off, looking back at daiki, "could you also add my regular oder with that, please daiki?"
"o-of course, (y/n)!" the young worker quickly tapped your oder in the computer, a red hue covering his cheeks when you smiled at him.
"mikey, what do you say?" draken looked at his friend, hinting him to thank you, but his words fell into deaf ears as mikey kept looking at you like you hung the moon and stars in the sky.
"mikey?" He nudged the said man's shoulder trying to snap him out of his thoughts, only to be ignored once more.
the tall blond dropped the smile as he turned to his friend hitting the side of his head, finally snapping him out of his thoughts, "mikey!"
"um? what?" mikey barely glanced at draken when he responded, his heartbeat increasing when you looked back at him with your receipt in hand.
"i said, what do you say to the girl who just bought you your snacks?" he replied, glancing between the two of you clearly wondering why his friend was acting weird all of the sudden.
"marry me."
ken ryuguji never whipped his head to look at his friend so fast in his life. What the hell did he just said?!
you felt your face warm up at his words, chuckling as you walk past him, placing your hand on his shoulder, "do you ask every girl who buys you snacks to marry you?"
manjiro felt like he was in heaven when you stood closer to him. how can someone be so pretty and be so nice and smell so good and be so pretty at the same time.
"what?" toman's leader came back down to earth when you handed him the box filled of taiyaki. "did i say that out loud?" manjiro mumbled, frowning to himself. before looking back at you, just to see you making your way outside. "hey- wait!"
he tossed the snacks at draken jogging to meet you outside of the shop. "w-wait!"
you turned to look at him, the soft summer breeze sweating through your hair, leaving your face completely out in the open, "yes?"
"you're (y/n), right?" he asked remembering how the cashier called you when you were ordering, "i'm mikey..." he wanted to say something else but the words got caught in his throat when you smiled at him.
"nice to meet you, mikey" you replied before your eyes drifted behind him to the small group of guys that were looking at the two of you intensely, the 'ken-chin' guy from earlier standing with them. "i think your friends are waiting for you"
manjiro glanced back to see his best friends looking at them with knowing looks on their faces, "never mind them- this is- you are more important."
you looked away from him, his intense eye contact making your face feel warm, "you really know how to talk to girls you know?"
"thank you for earlier... the snacks and all..."
"that was 2 months worth of fidelity points- you better eat every single one of those taiyaki" you playfully warned the gang leader.
"don't worry about that..!" mikey replied knowing damn well that he will inhale those snacks. "can i walk you home? it's going to get dark soon- wouldn't want my wife to get attacked or something!"
wife?!
you suppress a smile at his words, "of course, wouldn't want it to get dark at 2 pm, and then get attacked by who knows what next to a bakery."
"exactly! let's go, wifey!"
takashi mitsuya
"what did you say you're brother's name was?" you asked the crying girl in front of you.
"...t- taka-shi" the small girl sobbed in your shoulder as you gently patted her head.
"alright and what's your name?" you gently asked as you scanned the area trying to find someone who looked like they had just lost their child.
"i- i- i'm mana"
"you have a really pretty name, you know?" you smiled fondly at the girl as you whipped the tears of her face with your thumbs.
"really?"
"heck yeah! it's a badass name!" you felt relief wash over you when you saw a smile spread across the kid's face, "i'm (y/n) and i'm gonna help you find your brother alright?"
"thank you..." she mumbled quietly.
"you're going to hop on my shoulders and tell me when you see your brother okay?" the girl looked up at you with stars in her eyes, you pulled mana on your shoulder, her small hands on your head.
you walked for a good 15 minutes before mana tapped your head with on hand while the other pointed toward an unknown man in the crowd of person, "they're there! that's draken!"
draken? wasn't her brother's name takashi? you wondered as you put mana to the ground your hand grabbing hers just in case she got lost again.
"mana!" a little girl's voice called out as you arrived next to the very tall guy with a dragon tattoo on his head. the small girl that looked very similar to mana hugged tightly the younger girl.
"mitsuya! ' found her" the tall guy called out for someone else behind him. the 'mitsuya' guy appeared from behind the 'draken' guy not long after he called out from him. the purple haired teen practically attacked his sister with a hug, sighing in relief.
"don't ever do that again, mana." he gently scaled his younger sister, "you could've gotten lost and we would've been really sad, al-?"
"it's fine! (y/n) helped me find you!" she pointed her finger at her. mitsuya ruffled his sister's hair, before straightening up to thank the person that help his mini-him, "thank you so mu..."
he felt like the world had stopped moving. like it was only the two of them in the middle of the festival. takashi mitsuya was in a trance. he was simply mesmerized by the sight of you.
"it's no problem, really! " you softly smiled at him, "your sister is a real angel-"
anything else you said after wasn't even registered but the delinquent in front of you. he was usually so good at this- talking to people was what he did best so... why couldn't he utter a single word for you.
his cheeks were red, his palm were sweaty, why was he anxious?- he was hanging on everything you did. even if he felt like he had forgotten how to speak, your voice felt like melody to his ears.
he snapped out of his trance when someone nudge his shoulder. mitsuya glanced at draken beside him, suddenly remembering that they weren't alone and that you were talking to him.
you looked at him with a puzzled look, "are you alright?
your question made him overthink about everything that happened in the last 2 minutes of your meeting. Did he look like a creep?
"i- i- great."
the hell was that takashi? he cursed himself.
darken cleared his throat, holding back his laugh. he brought his fist to his mouth faking coughs as he muttered a small, "real smooth, mitsuya".
you chuckled at his friend's comment, making mitsuya straighten up, you pulled out your hand for him to shake.
"let's start over, alright? i'm (y/n)... you're takashi right?"
draken stepped up clearly expecting his friend to be to lost in space to answer you, "he prefers mitsuya-"
"takashi's fine!" the said man interjected, as he quickly grabbed your hand to shake it, sending one of his pretty smile in your direction.
"i-"
"are you going to marry my brother?" he couldn't catch a break could he? luna asked you with big eyes.
you chuckled softly at her words, "how about this... i will give my number to your brother. then we'll go out to eat something to talk about marriage alright?"
"yes!" the girl tightly hugged your leg as you said that.
"does that sound like a plan to you, takashi?" yes!
mitsuya hurriedly started to look in his pocket for a pen, when draken pulled one out of his pocket with a piece of paper and handed it to the purple haired boy, "there you go, casanova"
takashi handed you the paper and the pen, before you wrote your name with your phone number on it.
"see y'a soon, taka! bye, mana don't get lost again alright?"
as soon as you were out of sight takashi turned to draken with a stern look, "not a word about this, alright?"
"you're crazy!" draken crackled putting his hand in his pocket, "i'm going to tell everyone!"
"draken!"
"as your wingman i feel like it's my responsibility-"
"no it is not!"
chifuyu matsuno
"hurry up, chifuyu!" takemichi yelled at his friend. they couldn't be late. not for that.
"how come you are slow as hell during a fight, yet you sprint your life on a sunday at 8 am?" the blond joked as he calmly walked behind takemichi with not a care in the world.
"come on! we're gonna be late!" he repeated hurriedly before stopping abruptly while looking around him.
"late to what?" chifuyu yawned, before looking at his friend, who stood there looking around, up and down as if his brain had finally snapped, "you alright?"
"alright stand here and don't move." takemichi moved the delinquent around so that he would stand in the middle of a park- an empty park.
"did you finally snapped or...?" he asked when the time traveler started to back away from him, "are you going to kill me? is this really how it's gonna end-"
"watch out!"
a voice yelled, but it was too late.
a ball directly hit his face, knocking chifuyu to the dirty ground, his eyes closing due to the shock.
it took him a couple of seconds before finally opening his eyes again, only to realize that he was in heaven. the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his life held his head in her hands, her index and middle finger pressed against the front of his neck just below his jaw- making sure that his heart was still beating.
"oh- thank god! you're not dead!"
"are you an angel?" chifuyu mumbled placing his hand on top of yours- making sure you were real, "am i in heaven?"
you let a breathy chuckle at his words, "you're cute- but no you're not dead... i kicked a ball in your face- unintentionally of course!"
his eyes finally focused on you, remembering what had happened. he blinked a couple of time, his eyes scanning your face- a pretty girl's face... so close to his face with her hands on his face and his hands on her hand-
what?!
chifuyu's face became as red a tomato straitening his posture to apologize for touching you without your authorization, "i'm so sorry-"
his head came in contact with your head, making you pull back immediately from the blond. "ow! i told you i didn't do it on purpose!" you groan holding your head with your hands.
chifuyu gasped in horror at his own clumsiness as he placed a hand on the back of your head. hopping that the coldness of it would help you a little, "i'm sorry! i swear i didn't mean it! please hit me again so that we're even!"
...what? now why would he say that?
"what? what's wrong with you?! do you get turn on by getting hit or something?!"
chifuyu panically looked around to search takemichi so that he could help him. when he finally spotted him, hiding behind the swings, the time traveler was smiling proudly with his two thumbs up in the air.
his action making him recall a conversation the two of them had a couple of weeks earlier.
"so... am i married in the future?" chifuyu asked takemichi as he bit down the sandwich he made himself for lunch.
takemichi raised his brows at the question, "yeah-"
"really?!" the blond gasped, with heart in his eyes, "do i know her?! no wait- that'll ruin the surprise- is she pretty?! no wait- of course she's pretty you idiot!"
the time traveler chuckled at his friend's words, rubbing the back of his neck, "do you want me to tell you how you met?"
"no! it has to be a surprise!" chifuyu refused, "wait am i going to meet her soon? is that why you said that?! takemichi?! answer!"
"nah- like you said it has to be a surprise~"
"takemichi!"
"if it makes you feel better- you embarrassed yourself in front of her"
"how would that make me feel better?!"
that sneaky bastard.
"i'm sorry! i don't know how to talk to pretty girls..." chifuyu mumbled looking to the ground, but his face snapped back at you when he realize what he had just say, your eyes round at his words, "i- i mean not that don't know how to talk you! wait- not that you're not pretty! you are pretty- beautiful even! but that is not the point! i don't need you to hit me! just please don't think i hurt you on purpose- i don't hit pretty girls! no wait- i don't hit girls at all! but you being beautifully-pretty is just a plus you know! an-"
you smacked your hand on his mouth, stopping his rambling, the butterflies in your stomach flying way to much due to his words. "please stop-! you're too cute..."
takemichi titled his head at the scene in front of him, clearly not remembering that part of the story your older self told him in the future about how chifuyu and her had met-
but... mission failed successfully... i guess?
ⓒarmxnh
#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers#chifuyu x reader#chifuyu matsuno#takashi x reader#takashi mitsuya#manjiro x reader#mikey x reader#manjiro sano
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Do you think you could do some genshin characters reacting to you flinching during a fight? 👉🏻👈🏻 Im not picky with which characters as long as Childe is included
Flinching During an Argument, Genshin.
Part 1?
Masterlist
Characters: Childe, Diluc, Kaeya, Wanderer.
Warnings: Mentions of violence, misunderstandings, past abusive relationships, insecurities, yelling, blood (unrelated), potential harming.
Notes: There are some kinds of spoilers for The Wanderers but yeah >:). Sorry for not writing for a long time, there's been a lot of stressful things happening in my life right now but I'm trying to write more :). There will be more parts to this I just don't know when.
Childe (Tartaglia, Ajax)
The room which was usually filled with laughs and smiles now had a dark aura. Both occupants of the household argue with each other, in a fit of rage and hurt. "Ajax please just listen to me! I could've lost you!" You said, wiping the tears from your eyes, a shudder left your chest as your boyfriend's eyes darkened towards you. His boots took a step forward and he pointed his finger toward you.
"You always underestimate me!" A vein popped from his forehead, the air getting thick causing your heart to speed up. "Ajax I di-" He cut you off with a shout causing you to back up into the wall "No! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I SUFFERED THROUGH TO BE SEEN LIKE THAT"
He went to push the hair out of his eyes, his gloved hand swayed in front of your face causing you to cover your eyes, frightened of his next course of action. Your knees buckle slightly. Childe's movements came to a halt, and his annoyance quickly left, now filled with shock and pain.
"Dove... I-" he started to speak, his hands gently grabbing yours, delicately not to strike for negative emotions in you. As he moved your defense, he winced at your fear-struck face, tears he caused painting your skin. "I would never... ever harm you... I'm so- so sorry" He opened his arms slowly, trying not to frighten you, offering for you to hug him, and you pounced into his grasp. Small sobs emitted from your throat, "I'm sorry- I just don't want to -hic- lose you, and I-" your rambling was cut off by a small hush from the ginger.
"I would never leave you... I was being unreasonable, let's just drop it for now, come on I'll take you to the bedroom."
The rest of the day was filled with soft hums, and both of you enjoyed each other's presence. "My dove?" Tartaglia's voice was soft, you looked up to meet his eyes questioning him. "C'mon let's go to a restaurant.... let me treat you?" He said, well more of asked... still not knowing how much you were willing to do. "Of course.... let's go."
Diluc
Nothing was different from today than any other day, you went on commissions and came home to your loving husband. However, the crimson irises begged to differ. "You need to stop being so reckless! You've come home yet again with a new bloodied bandage!" His tone was deep, filled with irritation and worry. Though, that didn't do much but annoy you. "Luc, please listen to me, love. This is a part of working for the Guild!"
His eyes shot toward yours, pure frustration filling his pupils. "Every. Day." He started, his body slowly getting up from where he was sitting. "I. Have. To. See. You. Get. Hurt." His body was slightly in front of you, a two-foot gap in between your bodies. "EVERY. DAMN. DAY.!" His booming voice shook the air, causing you to flinch and stumble onto the ground.
A few seconds of silence went by until he kneeled to where you fell. "I am deeply sorry, I- it was never my intention to frighten you, my love." His eyes were filled with shame and insecurity, his gloved hand reached out to you slowly. You softly grabbed it allowing him to pull you up and into a hug, watching for your injuries. "I'm sor-" you started but your husband shushed you "No need dear, I must be the one to apologize. I was being rash, just promise me that you'll be more careful?"
You nodded softly and hugged his torso a bit tighter, the both of you stood in the common room for a while before he broke away from the embrace. "Why don't you let me re-bandage your injuries and then after we can go for a walk?"
As the day continued on, the well-known couple could be seen walking down the paths of the outskirts of Monstadt. Hand in hand, soft delicate smiles painting both of their features.
Kaeya
Sadly, petty arguments with Kaeya always happened, it was all fine though. None of it really went far, that is until now. The two of you were in his office at the KOF building, snapping at each other. Snarky comments and shouts were heard throughout the whole building, though no one dared to enter not even Lisa nor Jean.
"You are being unreasonable!" you shouted at the blue-haired male who only scoffed back, he stood from his seat and turned his back away from you. "For the last time, now listen real closely and get it through your more than thick skull." He slowly turned towards you, his deep frustrated tone quickly shutting you up. "She was NOT flirting with me, just because you're insecure does not mean you get to PROJECT your feelings on me nor the poor lady who was being nice."
His words made you wince, stepping back in shock as you look up into his eyes with hurt, no more than hurt..... betrayal "oh." Your head bobbed in a quick nod as you went to leave the room. "W-wait.... (y/n) shit... I didn't mean-" he chased after you. The people in the city watched in shock which only rubbed the salt more in your wound.
You finally made it to your home, your boyfriend rushing in behind you. No words were spoken, his strong arms yanked you into a hug as you sobbed into his chest. "I....... I am so so sorry snowflake......" your loud cries pulled at his heart strings. After gathering your emotions, you went to respond, feeling guilty for the situation. "You were ri-" his soft lips slammed onto yours, effectively stopping your words. "Don't even think about finishing that sentence."
The two of you made an executive decision to take some time off together in which Jean more than happily approved of. The two of you were now in the amazing city of Sumeru, sitting together in the Grand Bazaar. Your head laying on his soft shoulder as both of you watch the amazing dancers.
Wanderer (Kuni)
You and the umbrella hat male were walking down a trail in the outskirts of Gandharva Ville, when suddenly a random root appeared from nowhere, which caused your body to fling forward into the ground. The Wanderer turned around slightly shocked, he laughed slightly and swung his hand to help you up. But the sudden motion frightened you and caused you to cower backwards. "I'm sorry!" you yelped out while closing your eyes, preparing for the hit that would never come.
Kuni looked at you shocked, no words left his mouth, he was truly stunned at the scene in front of him. You soon opened your eyes and looked to the side embarrassed, "I- uh- sorry heh, that's embarrassing.... well lets uh continue." You stood up and brushed your pants off and walked past your "new" boyfriend, expecting him to follow you. Though his next words, stopped your movements.
"What......" he paused before slightly hanging his head in shame "I know I used to... treat you unfairly....... just know that I am trying to get better." he muttered before walking to you and gripping the back of your shirt. "I don't want to lose nor hurt the one I love...." he mumbled before he slowly and awkwardly hugged you from behind.
"I know you are trying.... don't think I've given up on you Ku.... I trust you."
Over time, the two of you slowly dropped your walls with each other, becoming closer than ever. He was a completely different person than the one you used to date. Same face..... same body.... same soul..... just different purpose.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
I hope this is good :), I love you guys... also dude why are genshin characters written so WELL gah damn!
#genshin x reader#genshin imagines#genshin reader insert#genshin oneshots#genshin impact#diluc x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#wanderer x reader#scaramouche x reader#kunikuzushi x reader#kaeya x reader#hurt/comfort#genshin hurt/comfort#genshin impact x reader#genshin x you
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Why I Fell In Love With Rolan, A Character Analysis
I will be going through Rolan's lines, along with the devnotes, to try and explain my interpretation of his character.
This is coming from having spent 30+ hours combing through his dialogues, reading all of his books, listening to every voice line for context, and replaying every scene of his that's currently accessible.
TW: Mentions of abuse, family death, implied suicide
Very long post under cut. Get the Arabellan Dry out!
A few notes before getting into this:
In the game files, Rolan is referred to as "Prodigy", while Cal and Lia are referred to as "ProdigyBrother" and "ProdigySister".
Rolan is a character whose outer words and inner thoughts often do not align - for most of the game, he refuses to show vulnerability in front of Tav, reserving his softness for his siblings. This can be interpreted in a number of ways, ranging from a self-confidence issue to an avoidant attachment style. Though people are free to have their own interpretations, I will mainly be focusing on my own readings of his personality.
I am not a psychologist or a licensed health professional, but I have personal experiences with the mental health disorders I will reference in this post, and I have done a lot of research on the topics involved.
Part 1 - Elturel, and Rolan's past
"Rolan. Just... Rolan."
There isn't much you can tell about Rolan's life except that he's from Elturel and that Cal and Lia are his siblings - after all, he doesn't give you much info in the first place. He doesn't know you, he doesn't trust you. Why would he?
The information you get about his family and his life before BG3 come from minor dialogues, and using Speak With Dead on his corpse. The picture they paint isn't a happy one.
[Player: What's your name?]
[Rolan: Rolan. Just... Rolan.]
[Player: Do you have any family?]
[Rolan: No... family... no one.]
[Player: No family? What about Lia and Cal?]
[Rolan: They are... brother and sister. Cal says... I am family, but...]
Rolan doesn't have a family name. We don't know if Lia and Cal do, but it can be assumed they don't, else he might have taken theirs. The first thing that sticks out to me in this dialogue is that he doesn't consider himself to have a family, even though Cal and Lia say he's part of theirs.
The question is, what could have caused this? If his blood family was simply dead, wouldn't he refer to them as "dead" or "gone"? Instead he says he has "no one" and "no family", perhaps implying that his parents just... abandoned him. Either way, it gives the impression that he has issues with being abandoned, and may project a sense of toughness and arrogance to make up for his insecurity.
And there IS insecurity here - he outright says that Cal and Lia tell him that he's no different from family to them, but deep down, he doesn't seem to be able to accept it. That he can only reveal this information to you after death, having been so guarded in life, is heartbreaking.
As for his life in Elturel, not much is said, but a lot can be inferred from his attitude.
[Cal: Elturel was the last time the three of us talked like this. Let's hope it lasts until Baldur's Gate.]
After leaving Elturel, it appears Rolan, Cal, and Lia didn't have much time to talk. This is from the party scene - a scene where they're drinking, laughing, and joking amongst each other. Clearly the journey hasn't been the easiest for all of them, though one thing we can take from this dialogue is that they've had this friendly, sibling-like relationship for a long time.
From what we know of Elturel and the Descent, things were NOT pretty down in Avernus. Many people died, and after the city was returned to the surface, tieflings were driven out of the city, as we all know. Something important to think about is how exactly this might have gone for the three siblings: how exactly they ended up in the Grove, travelling with the refugees. The context seems to imply that the siblings were travelling on their own, not necessarily considered a part of the group, but this is debatable and not entirely clear.
So what brought them to Baldur's Gate? What finally drove them out of the city? Did they leave before things got worse, or were they driven from their homes with stones and violence? It could really be anything, but the one thing that's clear is that their primary reason for heading to Baldur's Gate is for Rolan to start his apprenticeship with Lorroakan.
We know that Rolan wrote Lorroakan a letter: multiple letters, actually. We're not sure if he wrote to other wizards, but from his dialogue, you can tell that Lorroakan's been someone he's respected for a long time, both for his magical skills and his political beliefs. Though he's never met Lorroakan, you can find a copy of Lorroakan's biography on his desk at Sorcerous Sundries - there's an admiration established early on, and the player is led to believe that Lorroakan is a powerful wizard (though if you bring Gale with you, he comments on Lorroakan's shady reputation, hinting at something darker beneath the surface).
What could have driven Rolan to write so far away, seeking apprenticeship? Was it out of a sense of desperation, wanting to leave the city but needing a way to take care of his siblings? Was it curiosity? A sense that Lorroakan might be his last chance to make something of himself after being denied what he felt like was his rightful destiny? As a tiefling, he must have faced some discrimination for his heritage - I can speak to my own experience here, growing up as a person of color in a majority-white community was genuinely traumatizing to myself and my non-white friends. Not only do we receive open bullying and ostracization for our appearance, there's something even more insidious that often happens to minority populations - neglect. A general disinterest in our accomplishments, a lack of encouragement and attention towards kids that don't fit the norm. If this was something Rolan had to experience, it's no wonder he felt angry and eager to prove himself. He's been neglected his all his life, and he finally has a chance to show everyone who doubted him that he really does have the potential to be a great wizard.
Rolan himself appears to be in his mid- to late- twenties, bringing up the question of what he's been doing his entire life if not magic. It's mentioned that he was able to conjure a flaming cat from when Cal was as young as 8, so depending on the age difference between the siblings, Rolan might have known magic from a very early age. So why, then, is he a mere wizard apprentice at the start of the game? He's surely had a lot of time to learn himself.
[Lia: Try not to get too close, Cal.]
[Rolan: Yes. Remember what happened last time?]
[Cal: I was eight and you magicked up a kitten. How was I supposed to know it was made of fire?]
What could have happened along the way? He might have just not found the time or the opportunity to be able to study, especially as a tiefling without a family or the money to pay for an education. In my interpretation, Rolan carries a lot of unvoiced shame for not having been able to "fulfill his destiny" until now. He projects an outward mask of confidence and arrogance to hide his vulnerability, his insecurities - that his family isn't really his family, and that he isn't really destined for greatness. His natural reaction to vulnerability is anger and denial, which we'll explore more in the later sections.
(It is mentioned in the devnotes, though, that Rolan "has truly worked his ass off to get here". Prodigy is not an ironic title - he's likely had to self-study to the point where Lorroakan felt that he had potential. He has a right to be confident, but it doesn't negate any potential feelings of unworthiness.)
Additional info - Rolan, Cal, and Lia, on top of having known each other since Cal was 8, also share a mother figure, who is deceased. There is no mention of a father. It could be that this was Lia and Cal's actual mother, who took Rolan in, or a number of other possibilities - it could be that ROLAN'S mother took the three in, or that she just happened to be an unrelated woman who adopted three orphans.
[Cal: We should have a little party when we reach the city, like we did for mum.]
[Rolan: That 'little party' lasted from sundown to sunrise. Lia would like that.]
This dialogue can only be accessed if Lia dies but Cal and Rolan live.
So we've set up a few key details about Rolan's personality: his arrogance may harbor hints of insecurity or desperation, he has issues with feeling abandoned or neglected, and he's potentially been denied his chance to learn magic in the past. We will explore these in detail in the next few sections, along with another troubling tendency of his - perfectionism, and the self-blame that comes with it.
Part 2 - The Grove
"I'll not gamble our lives, our futures, for people who are as good as dead."
If you recall his dialogue in the grove, Rolan seems to distance himself from the other refugees, focusing only on the safety of his siblings. Let's unpack this in his own words -
[Rolan: This isn't Elturel and I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!]
[Rolan: I made no such oath, and I will not be held responsible for these people.]
This is in contrast to Lia, who believes that they should help what she considered to be their 'kin'. Remember that Rolan often refers to the refugees in a detached way, refusing to associate himself with them.
At a first glance, it might seem like Rolan is fixated on his apprenticeship - he wants to get to Baldur's Gate straight away, so he can begin studying under Lorroakan. Lia accuses him of the same, causing Rolan to react with anger.
But if you think about what Rolan's underlying motivations might be, you might have realized something that Cal and Lia most likely recognized too - he's worried for his siblings' safety.
The grove is an open, unprotected area, and they're being menaced by druids on one side, goblins on the other. There's only a few fighters, Rolan, Cal and Lia among them, and none of them are strong enough to take on either group. Even if Rolan feels a sort of kinship with the other tieflings - which I'll expand on in a second - he prioritizes the lives of his siblings over them, and doesn't want them to sacrifice themselves for people he doesn't even know.
Now, the other theory - what if Rolan doesn't identify with the other tieflings, because he's been cast out by them before?
I'm going to inject my personal experience as an immigrant here. Life as an immigrant can be profoundly isolating, especially if you have few relatives in the area. Rolan may have been so attached to Cal and Lia because they took him in when his own people rejected him - for some reason, even other tieflings could have seen him as an "outsider", and refused to help him when his parents abandoned him or died. If you tie in the theory that he was a tiefling born to human parents (which would be taboo), it could have been that they rejected him for not "being tiefling enough". I'm aware that in-universe there's no one unified "culture" of tieflings, but even in groups without a unified culture, there are still small pockets of people with certain internal customs. It could be that Rolan failed to fit in due to his heritage, that he was rejected for his personality, or some other reason, but my interpretation for his refusal to help fellow tieflings is that he never quite felt the same kinship for them that Cal and Lia did. It could also be that he holds resentment towards them for abandoning him - abandonment seems to be a central theme in Rolan's story, and likely contributes to his feelings of inferiority and unworthiness.
(He does seem to know Infernal, though I don't know whether that's a cultural thing or an innate trait to tieflings.)
If the fight is held at the grove, Rolan, Cal, and Lia stand near the back of the cave to protect the children. They can be found arguing with each other on potential battle positions. Afterwards, if the tieflings and all three of the siblings survive, they can be found by the entrance of the cave, where Rolan again behaves arrogantly towards you and claims he could have handled the goblins on his own.
All of this is quite standard for his character and projects the image of an arrogant, selfish person who only seeks to protect himself and the people that matter to him, which is likely what he wants. It also lends some credibility to the interpretation where he was rejected by other refugees - if he felt neutral towards other tieflings, it might have made more sense if he was less derisive towards them. Instead, he consistently detaches himself from his people, drawing clear lines between them, with a hint of bitterness that seems to have a painful origin.
The rest of Act 1 is Rolan acting like his standard self - bratty, arrogant, and dismissive of others. That is how most of us met him, though he won't stay that way for long.
Part 3 - Moonrise
"But what good am I if I can't do this... this one thing?"
(Author's note: "This one thing" is travelling alone through a cursed, necrotic land, breaking into a prison staffed with dozens of trained guards, and personally facing an immortal chosen of the literal god of death. Rolan is a Level 4 wizard.)
As you already know, at the start of Act 2 Rolan is drinking himself to death alone. His brother and sister have been dragged away screaming by the cultists, and he's overwhelmed at the thought of never seeing them again. Naturally, he's quite angry with you, but if you read his lines closely, you can see that you're not the only person he's angry at.
[Rolan: Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right - not a damn thing!] [Devnote: Furious - mainly with himself]
[Player: You're supposed to be at Last Light.]
[Rolan: I'm supposed to be saving Cal and Lia!] [Devnote: Frantic, worried for his siblings]
[Rolan: Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow-fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.] [Devnote: Pissed off and taking it out on the player]
[Player: You were trying to help your family - you're too hard on yourself.]
[Rolan: Or not hard enough.]
[Rolan: I've failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way - I'll return to Last Light... I know when I'm outmatched.]
Rolan is someone who feels deeply responsible for the safety of his siblings (this lends credence to the idea that he's the eldest of the three). He may argue and bicker with them, but he could never abandon then, nor could he forgive himself if something were to happen to them. He is clearly carrying an unbearable amount of grief and guilt for allowing his siblings to be captured, but he's so emotionally repressed that he chooses to bury his sorrow under a mound of anger. Being drunk doesn't help - it's mentioned by one of the kids, Ide, that he's been through three bottles of wine by the time the player reaches the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
That much is obvious just from reading his lines, but his angry reaction to the player is, as the devnotes say, a way of taking out his pain and frustration on other people. He might feel guilty about it later, but in the moment, it's the only way he knows how to cope with them. This isn't his only instance of externalizing his self-hatred.
If Cal dies and Lia lives, the player has the option to break up an argument between Lia and Rolan. If they fail to neutralize the situation, Rolan will tell Lia (or Cal, depending on who lives) to get out of his sight permanently.
[Rolan: You deserve nothing. You two are cowardly parasites, and I am disgusted it took me this long to see. Get out of my sight.] [Devnote: Furious in his grief, lashing out, being as hurtful as he can to his surviving sibling]
[Lia: Fuck you, Rolan!]
-
[Lia: Insufferable, arrogant little prick. Argh.]
[Lia: Everything is about him, everything is about his pain. Godsdamnit, Rolan!]
It says a lot to me that if one of his siblings dies, that he has to be convinced out of lashing out at his surviving one. He seems to be like a person who deals with strong emotions by lashing out, likely as a defense mechanism to make himself appear stronger than he feels. This is a common technique used by people with self-esteem issues - to avoid drawing attention to their own vulnerability, they lash out and externalize their feelings with anger to bury the grief. Lia says as much in this ending - to Rolan, everything is about his pain, and he's managing it in the only way he knows how. He knows he's hurting his siblings, he knows it's wrong, but he engages in it anyway, a common trait of people who dislike themselves. If Rolan didn't have his apprenticeship, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that the death of his siblings might have caused him to spiral and give up on life altogether.
Interestingly enough, in the end where both Rolan and one of his siblings die, it's implied that the remaining sibling commits suicide. You can read more about it here - it gives some insight into Rolan's motivations, and serves to emphasize exactly how much this apprenticeship means to him. Rolan lives for two things, though it really just is one thing - his siblings, and his apprenticeship, which means more to him because it represents a hopeful future for his siblings. Every clue in the game points to his siblings being everything to him.
But let's move away from this bad ending for one second, and back to where we are. Rolan's been drinking himself silly, yelling at children, and eventually storms out into the SCL by himself. Being an apprentice wizard, few expect him to survive on his own, and true to form, he has to be rescued by the player again.
Though I think this line is currently bugged and unavailable, he actually has lines reacting to the shadows.
[Rolan: My magic is not to be trifled with - leave or die!] [Devnote: Exhausted and scared, but trying not to sound it]
Rolan, emotionally repressed fool he is, is once again attempting to appear big in order to protect himself from what he fears. Whether it's the shadows, or the loss of his siblings, he reacts to stressful situations with a brave front, attempting to push people away so they won't see him at his worst state.
This is one of the common symptoms of an avoidant attachment disorder - an attachment style that causes people to push others away if they get too close, avoiding emotional closeness and being uncomfortable expressing vulnerability to others. I interpret Rolan as having this kind of attachment style, which is often formed from neglect or abuse as a child, resulting in a self-sufficient but emotionally cold person. It can lead to the breakdowns of close relationships, as evidenced by Rolan pushing away his surviving sibling (potentially in order to save himself the grief of having to go through their death again). People with this disorder often cut off people before they can be cut off, in order to save themselves the pain of being abandoned again.
Some recognize the negative impact of their behaviors more than most, and though Rolan never comments on it, it can be inferred that he feels some measure of guilt for the way he behaves. If convinced to lay off of his surviving sibling, he immediately apologizes, recognizing his mistake.
[Cal: Do you wish it was me who died? Instead of Lia?]
[Rolan: Gods no, that's not what I meant. Never, Cal. Never!] [Devnote: Realizes what he's just said. Backtracking, apologizing, sincere]
[Rolan: Shit. I'm sorry.] [Devnote: Disgusted with himself and what he's just said. Looking away, sincere apology]
[Cal: Me too.]
We can see here that Rolan IS capable of self-reflection and guilt - it just takes more than a nudge to get it out of him. He says as much if you manage to rescue both siblings, thanking you and apologizing for his behavior - not an empty apology, or made out of necessity, but a genuine, heartfelt admission of guilt and gratitude. This kind of mature response from him says a lot about his character, and hints at a capacity for further growth in Act 3.
As Cal says, Rolan can be stubborn, but he's never malicious. I see this as an indicator of the immense guilt he holds inside him - though he externalizes his rage towards anyone and everyone, deep down, the person he blames the most is himself.
Which leads me directly into a talk about perfectionism, one of Rolan's defining character traits.
Rolan, at his core, is a perfectionist. The feelings of failure for not being able to save his siblings, the arrogance that belies a certain type of self-hatred, and a willingness to attack others in order to deflect from his own vulnerability - all of these traits tie heavily into perfectionism, which Rolan consistently displays traits of. At the start of the game, he spends every line with the player bragging about how he and Lorroakan are going to become household names, how they will boast of this meeting to others. To an extent, I'm sure he believes it. He's just been invited to what he considers to be a prestigious apprenticeship, despite everyone having considered him a failure. Naturally, he's excited despite the trauma of Elturel and Avernus, and wants to get to Lorroakan immediately in order to fulfill his destiny (he refers to it as his destiny several times throughout the game).
This makes what happens next all the more tragic.
Part 4 - Baldur's Gate, Lorroakan, and ending the Cycle of Abuse
Picture this - you've been rejected, abandoned, considered a lost cause for most of your life, accepted only by the siblings you just barely avoided losing forever. But the journey was worth it. You're finally here, in the city you've dreamed of, studying under who in your opinion is one of the most powerful and respected wizards in the world.
Then you get there, and you don't learn a thing. Your teacher asks you nonsensical questions and beats you as a punishment when you're wrong. It's unsurprising that when the player enters Sorcerous Sundries, that Rolan seems a bit more dejected than usual.
Much has been said about the depiction of abuse in media, but as a survivor of domestic violence, I found Rolan's reaction and justification of his abuse very accurate for someone suffering from DV. True to his personality, the very first thing he does is deny that anything's wrong, continuing his trend of burying his emotions in the hope that they'll go away.
[Player: I know the marks of subjugation. Your face - what happened?]
[Rolan: Nothing for you to worry about.] [Devnote: Master Lorroakan hurt him, but he doesn't want to say]
[Narrator: *His voice catches. Something's wrong here.*]
Survivors of DV often feel great shame towards their abuse, often blaming themselves and refusing to speak about it out of fear of appearing vulnerable. True to that, Rolan doesn't say anything about what Lorroakan's doing it, resorting to another common tactic for abuse survivors - implying what's happening without directly stating that the abuse is occurring. This is often out of fear, especially if the victim is still close to the abuser - in this case, Rolan not wanting to jeopardize his apprenticeship, or possibly be abused further for disclosing it to someone else.
[Rolan: Be very sure before you make to visit Lorroakan. He's got a beastly temper.] [Devnote: Sounds a bit disappointed in the player]
[Rolan: Master Lorroakan is... a difficult man.] [Devnote: Gently touches bruised face, distant]
Abuse survivors often hold a great deal of guilt for 'allowing' themselves to be abused, more so if the abuser considers them weak or easy to manipulate. There's often a stigma - "why didn't you just leave? You knew it was bad, yet you stayed, so there must be some blame on your part." This is not an uncommon belief amongst survivors, and through his journal entries, it can be inferred that Rolan holds a similar belief. Rolan's journal, and his VA's fantastic reading of it, can be found here. Rolan is clearly aware that what's being done to him is wrong, but he persists - in my opinion, partially because he believes it's worth the benefits involved, and partially because he feels a responsibility towards his siblings to succeed after 'failing' them so tragically before. Again, perfectionism, guilt, internalized self-hatred: easy traits for a horrible man like Lorroakan to take advantage of.
There are a few possible endings for Rolan here, the first being if you side against the Nightsong with Lorroakan.
The thing about abuse, as Larian so excellently portrays it, is that it is often perpetuated in cycles. A person who's been hurt is more likely to hurt others, whether as a response to their pain, or in an attempt to spread their misery in order to feel less alone. Though not all survivors become perpetrators themselves, many perpetrators are survivors themselves. Rolan is no different - if Nightsong is captured, and Lorroakan is killed in the fight, he will immediately attempt to cage the Nightsong himself and harness her immortality. This could easily be seen as an attempt to get strong enough that no one can ever hurt or take advantage of him again.
When the player next long rests, Rolan will be found dead, having been killed by Aylin - perhaps a mercy, to avoid him from becoming just the same as Lorroakan.
But the player who cares for Rolan wouldn't let this happen to him, right?
Rolan's attitude towards the player gradually changes over time, but nothing shows his growth more than his good ending, where you save Cal and Lia and side with the Nightsong. When you bring Nightsong to the tower, Rolan will be shocked, in disbelief that the Nightsong was a person all along. He turns against Lorroakan on the spot despite the other man's threats to ruin his life (a common tactic employed by abusers to control their victims).
[Lorroakan: Boy! At the ready. Once I've taken control of the aasimar, she must go directly into the caging runes.]
[Rolan: No, Master Lorroakan. I would have never assisted you if I knew you planned such horrors.]
[Rolan: You lied to get the Nightsong here. Made us all believe she was nothing but a relic. I have seen what true leadership can accomplish - but never under your tutelage.]
[Lorroakan: Watch your tongue, you child! I could make it so that no wizard in the realm will touch you.]
[Rolan: If they're all like you, I think that sounds like an excellent bargain.]
It takes an immense amount of courage to stand up to one's abuser, so to see Rolan so bravely stand against the man who hurt him was a positive surprise to me. It also shows just how much the player has changed Rolan for the better - your leadership and selflessness has inspired him, given him the bravery to stand against his abuser. It's a powerful scene, and I admit that watching it brought a tear to my eye, brief as it was. Few people get the chance to take revenge on their abusers, so it was cathartic to see Rolan thunderwaving him onto the balcony before letting Aylin snap his spine.
After the fight, Rolan thanks the player, finally feeling safe enough after his abuser's death to reveal what happened to him. Though it's implied that he feels some shame for being victimized, much of it is likely from the shock of the sudden event, and by the next day he's regained much of his enthusiasm - he still has the ego, but with less arrogance and more acceptance of the player's presence. Rolan's growth, from hating and mistrusting the player to eventually trusting them enough to show his true, kind self to them, is what really made me fall in love with him and his character arc.
Ultimately, Rolan's story isn't just about learning to lay down your pride and accept help from others - it's about abandoning perfectionism and elitism, accepting your own faults, and choosing to grow as a person. For Rolan, the player begins as an annoying, meddlesome force, someone who "moralizes" to him about saving others when he wants no part in doing what's considered "right". By the end of the game, he realizes just how lucky he is to have you in his life - without the player's influence, he could have easily gone down the worst path, the path of narcissism, ego, and disregard for others. But because of a string of coincidences, he was saved from that fate, and was allowed to grow and accept that there's enough room in his heart for more than just the few people that care about him. He learns to lay down the perfectionism, accept that making mistakes is a part of change, and feel his feelings for what they are - whether they're gratitude, fear, or even sadness.
For someone who struggles with avoidant attachment disorder, seeing Rolan's character change throughout the game greatly inspired me to change the way I was approaching my own relationships with people. Avoidant attachment disorder is not talked about very often, both in the medical field and in everyday life, and people suffering from it are often misunderstood or considered to be 'lost causes' - to see Rolan so capable of change inspired me to change myself, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
When he takes over Ramazith's Tower, Rolan decides to distribute Lorroakan's knowledge to the world, and tells you about his plans to open a library. This is the most obvious sign that he's changed - the player's willingness to help him despite getting little or nothing in exchange has inspired him, and he becomes a kinder, more open person. He learns to trust again, to love again. It's unclear what happens afterwards, as he's not present in the epilogue, but the heartwarming conclusion to his arc can be seen in the issue of the Baldur's Mouth Gazette after Lorroakan's death -
Despite everything, Rolan makes it to the end, having vanquished the trials in front of him with the help of the player. He gets his tower, his knowledge, and shares it with the realms, finally able to realize that he's worthy and deserving of a happy life.
-
Thank you to Larian for bringing Rolan's story to life, to Mr. Taylor for his excellent portrayal of this character, and to all the Rolan fans for showing him so much love every single day.
I have met so many amazing and talented friends from the community around this character, and I'll forever be grateful for everyone who showed him the love I feel towards him.
I can be found on twitter at @gimblebock.
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We Don't Have To Be Friends (2/2)
Characters: Cooper Howard/Lucy MacLean.
Summary: 4,244 words, Post Season One -- character study with porn.
Warnings: Nothing you wouldn't see in the show. ( Ao3 )
> Part One | Part Two <
If Cooper were an honorable man, he wouldn’t have yanked Lucy’s hair like that.
That thought had buried itself deep into the back of his mind as he wound and unwound the stained rag in his hand. He remained on the marked table in the corner of the hotel room, the evening air musty but quiet. Dogmeat had taken to the bathroom when they’d arrived and Lucy…
His brow twitched as he adjusted his shotgun, his thumbnail dug into the etchings on the side.
Fuckin’ Lucy.
His hand flexed at the thought of her soft hair tight in his grip.
If he were half the man he’d been before the bombs fell, he’d never have done it. Never even thought to do it.
But then she’d slung the word ‘family’ around and started making assumptions about his life. Call it gut instinct or benign cruelty, whatever you like, but he needed her to back off. He didn’t have the words to make her back down, as everything became a debate or a conversation like she needed to know every little thing.
Without words, there aren’t many options left.
He yanked her hair to make his point and shoved her away just as quickly. She hadn’t cried or shouted or done much of anything. She just gawked at him like a child who’d never been scolded, and then she shot off to the bathroom.
Lucy hadn't come out of the bathroom yet.
But then the mental math kicked in, of how the world is how it is now, and it’s hard to care much about honor. It’s that back-and-forth of how he could have done much worse and how he’d gone easy on her, really.
He flexed his fingers around the phantom ache in his palm, that whipcrack decision to push into her space. Worse yet, it wasn’t anger or frustration that spurred him on. It was the underlying hunger that held a light hand against the back of his head, pushing him towards the living.
He thought he might bite into her, to savor her, but he hadn’t.
This time, at least.
During his stint as a Hollywood heartthrob, his friends traipsed with whatever starlet they could get their talons into; Cooper loved Barb. Never strayed, never so much as looked at another woman with intent. He’d been the model husband and kept himself trained on Barb.
All for her, everything for her.
He loved her so much he'd been blind to the shit she'd helped make happen within Vault-Tec. That's its own phantom ache, how being a loving husband rippled out to the end of America as he knew it.
But he isn't in the old world. He isn't even married to Barb; he hadn't been since before the bombs dropped. Divorce, alimony, public humiliation, the loss of his status after Vault-Tec caught on that he’d heard too much.
And yet...
After two hundred years, it’s not living anymore; can’t be. You get numb to the tastes and smells of things and nothing is new anymore. There’s no novelty, no experience you haven’t had. Except in how people die, he supposed. But the day-to-day of life for two hundred years became something else a long while ago.
It's pure instinct, doing whatever you think will best serve you in the moment. Everyone you know dies, and you stop attending funerals or even sticking around long enough to see if they leave flowers for the fallen. Not really any flowers anymore, come to think of it.
With enough time, you can forget most people.
Maybe that was what made the empty thoughts so tempting -- the ones that told him to bite down on Lucy's throat and tear her apart. It wasn't like the zombie shit you see in the movies where it's a switch, where you die and come back with a hunger for brains.
That hunger guided him, even now.
“I wanted to apologize.”
Cooper’s jaw ticked to the side, his head twitched to shake out the instinct to growl. “No.” His gaze flicked up from the shotgun to Lucy’s slim silhouette in the cracked bathroom door.
“You can’t just say no,” Lucy said with a scoff. “Look, I clearly overstepped and upset you. So, I’m sorry if I was prying or pushy. I won’t bring up — that, again.”
Cooper rested his forearms on the edge of the table. The girl had the survival instincts of a goddamn cat curled up in a wheel well in the middle of winter.
“So, I’m sorry. Do you accept my apology?”
“Y’ain’t ever let a thing lie in your life, have you, girl.”
Lucy gave a tight-lipped smile and a slight shrug as if that were a point of pride. “When you’re in a vault, it’s kind of hard to hold a grudge. You have to see people every day and depend on one another, so you — you have to talk it out.”
Cooper’s gaze rolled to the ceiling as he begged for whatever powers above to give him strength. He let the silence sit between them as he clicked his shotgun back into place and ensured a few rounds were ready to go.
He roughly scratched at his neck before he popped his hat back on. His joints clicked and cracked as he got to his feet, the day’s aches setting in. In a few long strides, he set his shotgun on the bedside table.
In all this time, he refused to look at her, even as she implored him with those wide hazel eyes.
“We’ll take shifts,” he said, flat on his back in one heavy thud. He angled his hat over his face, though he could see the door to the room if he tilted his head just right.
“You can’t go to sleep mad.”
Cooper exhaled into the hollow of his hat. “I ain’t mad.”
“You are.” Before Cooper could do much about it, she’d snatched his hat off his face. She stood beside the bed, his hat held hostage as she stared down at him. “I can tell.”
“Yeah, I’m startin’ to get mad; you’re onto something,” Cooper shoved himself onto his elbows, unhappy with her looming over him. He shifted his weight, and his legs snapped out over the edge of the bed. She didn’t have a chance to adjust, now stuck between his knees.
Lucy held his hat high as if he couldn’t stand up and take it back from her. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to have a hostage situation; I just need to know we’re okay.”
“Why’s it so fuckin’ important to you, that we be friends or — or somethin’?”
“Why’s it important..?” Lucy made a raspy noise from the back of her throat as she tried to hold the hat higher. It was pathetic to watch, in all honesty. As if it were something worth bargaining for. “Because it’s about teamwork and caring about each other. And we have to trust each other.”
“Trusting you to keep watch while I sleep is plenty enough to show I trust you,” Cooper said, his tone flat. He wasn’t sure he should trust her now, given how erratic she was being over something as petty as him accepting her apology.
“What if—“ Lucy rolled her lips between her teeth, something painful going on behind her eyes. “What if you decide you don’t need me around and leave me? Then what do I do?”
Cooper caught her hip in the flat of his palm, and his fingers dug into her cotton-clad flesh.
“It happened before, and — and don’t think I forgot how you wouldn’t give me water, and how you sold me for drugs, and — I know there’s going to be a day when we fight and you decide I’m worth more as a bartering chip than as… As someone that you care about.”
“Give me my hat back, darlin’.”
Lucy strained her arm into the air, her gaze fixed down at him. “Just, promise me you aren’t going to hold a grudge and… And that we’re a team, or co-workers, or something.”
Cooper felt his patience hit critical mass as the hand on her hip shifted her weight to pivot her onto the bed. It wasn’t hard to do, to shift his free hand to her throat as he hovered above her.
“Now, darlin’, I hate to say it, but you are bein’ five kinds of hysterical right now.” His grip on her throat wasn’t hard, with most of his weight on his knees and by her hip. His index finger toyed with the hard column of her throat, gentle enough to not hurt her.
Lucy looked strangely relieved by the shift in position. All the prey fear in her eyes had simmered down to something patient and distant. It was like she’d been waiting for him to snap, to turn back into this facet of the man she knew. All the anticipation fizzled out to a stern word and a hand on her throat.
“All I said was,” Cooper adjusted, a deep breath taken for the sake of softness. “Don’t talk about my family. Simple rule.”
Cooper could tell it took everything in her to stay quiet, given how her muscles twitched beneath his calloused fingertips.
And then things shifted around him like he hadn’t been able to see the parts for what they were. They were alone, for one, in a cheap room in a glorified brothel. It’d been weeks since he’d been in anything close to a real bed, albeit moldy and threadbare. Lucy was pressed against him, their knees notched together, one beside the other.
Cooper couldn’t think when he’d last been in this situation. It might’ve been when he still had hair or a nose. The murky haze of shapeless bodies couldn’t compete with the warm-blooded woman with frantic abandonment issues beneath him.
Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it?
Lucy had a damn complex about being abandoned again. Hard to miss a wound that he himself bore. His jaw clicked as he caught the faint smell of soap and sweat on her skin. The cavernous gap where his nose had once been couldn’t pick up much, a small mercy, but it hung in the air between them.
Maybe it was because of a human scent, something about that ghoulish instinct to track down beautiful things and shred them with his teeth.
Lucy didn’t move to push him back, and he didn’t want to move much either. She hadn’t been so quiet since he’d first sent her sprinting to the bathroom out of fear, even though she’d come crawling back with unneeded apologies.
But then he caught it — that redoubled heartbeat as she glared up at him.
Her slim shape beneath him was as fine as any steak. He'd eaten some foul corpses and torn apart bodies to survive. He'd eaten fallen friends and pets. And the longer this went on, the easier it was to commit such acts.
But this hunger wasn't so simple.
"Cooper?" Lucy exhaled, the fine shape of her sternum taut with pale skin and bone.
Cooper trailed his fingers along the bone, dismally aware of how much force it'd taken to pry open her ribs and fish out her organs. Red and gushing and filling — but not worth it. It wasn’t worth it. Cooper’s head twitched to the side as he bit down, that malicious ache for carnage twisted up with the need to bury his cock in her.
“You wanna be something, huh?” His breathing rasped like sandpaper as his fingers slid beneath the faded white button-down.
Lucy gave him a puzzled look but nodded all the same.
His palm lay flat against his tit, in search of her heartbeat. He didn't think about how his scarred skin grazed her nipple or how her rib cage twitched in response. Force of habit drew his thumb back, toying with the sensitive bundle of nerves as a half-smirk kicked the corner of his lips up.
Lucy wouldn't even look at him. Her lips were pursed tight together as she strained her head to the side like she didn't know if she should scream or moan.
It's an unfair trade, as are most in the wasteland if you’re smart.
He's rotten and falling to pieces while she's fresh from a vault. The difference in radiation alone should be enough to make him back off, but he doesn’t care much. And neither does she from how she arched into his hand, despite how angry she looked.
"Sweet thing, your heart's going a mile a minute."
Lucy widened her eyes at him, and her head snapped towards him. “You’re touching me, of course it is.”
"Barely touched you," Cooper said, not sure be cared if it was fear or arousal.
“Sex doesn’t involve this much talking normally.”
“Normally, as per the one time you fucked your husband,” Cooper said as he continued to thumb the soft flesh of her breast. She keened into each movement, not shy or unsure as he’d feared she might be.
“You just like the sound of your own voice,” Lucy said under her breath, her eyes fluttered shut.
Cooper had to laugh, even though he didn’t much want to. If he’d known how easy it’d be to bridge the gap between traveling companions and this, he might’ve tried something sooner.
“You’re reactive,” he said with a tweak of her nipple.
“That’s so weird and gross,” Lucy stumbled over words, her voice too thin to mean what she was saying.
"You're the one who wants to fuck a monster."
"You aren't a monster."
Cooper smirked, unable to help it. "That's the part you wanna argue?" He had her on his back and at his mercy, but she still wanted to argue for his humanity.
Lucy stayed silent, glaring up at him.
Cooper grabbed her by the hip and, in one firm tug, had her cunt flush against the hard shape of his cock through his jeans. His hand snaked from her hip to the soft spot behind her knee, pushing her leg back to angle her to his liking.
"Can we..." Lucy exhaled, her question lost as his hips canted against her.
“Can we what?” Cooper pressed harder against her, his arm twisted around her thigh so he could crack open his belt. He didn’t bother beyond unfastening it, and his jeans peeled aside enough to free himself. He couldn’t hide the hiss of satisfaction as the sensitive head of his cock met the soft fabric and heat between her legs.
“Can ghouls and…” Lucy’s words continued to stick to the roof of her mouth, her eyes trailing over him in the shadows. It was better this way, in the dark, where she couldn’t make out the rough skin and frayed edges where the radiation had hardened and rotted him.
Again, his end of the bargain was far sweeter than hers. He wasn’t sweating it, of how she might recoil and pale at the sight of his mangled flesh. It wasn’t the same as when he’d been human, but the instinct to resist her certainly faded easier.
Cooper couldn't even recall a time he'd jerked himself off. The drive to bury himself in something warm and soft had faded long ago.
It was nice to be in a room with a lock, alone, not surrounded by sand and open air. Dogmeat was asleep in the disused bathtub, with a bunch of blankets Lucy had thrown in there for her.
Nothing to interrupt, the kid down the hall --
No.
Like lightning, deja vu grabbed him by the throat. His face twitched as he put his mind right. There was no kid, and this wasn't his wife. It was the uppity brat from a vault, the product of every fucked part of the old world.
“Like, are we allowed to fuck?” Cooper asked, incredulous.
“No — I mean, I… For the future of humanity,” Lucy stumbled over her words. “If I got pregnant — ”
“Ain’t gonna happen,” Cooper said in a flat voice. If she was worried about some fucked up little irradiated babies, so far as Cooper knew, it wasn’t possible.
“Oh, well, okey-dokey.”
“Okey… Jesus,” Cooper snorted.
Cooper caught the sides of her pajama pants and yanked them out of place in one firm tug. He caught her calves and set her legs over one shoulder, a hand on her ankle while the other settled on the bed beside her. From the look on her face, she was curious to see how this worked — whatever they’d been taught in the vault mustn’t go further than missionary.
In an act of pity or chivalry, he slid back, his eyes narrowed up at her. Some fucking gentleman he had to be to give a fuck, even now when she had no idea what she was after. Not really, not beyond the act of repopulating the Wastes. He hitched her thighs over his shoulders, tongue and radiation-thinned lips flush against her wet cunt.
So much wetter than she should be, given they’d done little more than grind for a few moments. He rattled out a growl from low in his throat, unable to really taste her but wishing that he could. Scent and taste were long-dead, but he’d catch moments of it, faintly, and he was buried between her folds now.
His fingers slid along where his tongue teased, and his gaze fixed up at her. She couldn’t stay still, writhing and desperate, and her pajama shirt pried free now. The slight swell of her breasts and the sharp jut of her jawline were all he could make out as he did his best to get revenge on the fucks in room five who couldn’t stop screaming.
Cooper dipped back, tonguing his lips as she twitched and tensed. “Can feel you holding back.”
“It’s — I can’t, it’s too much.”
His hand stilled. “Should I — ”
“No,” Lucy caught his head, her fingers skating over his leathery scalp. “Please don’t stop.”
“Then you stop holding back,” he said, his fingers curled inside her. “Make a mess of it, ain’t our fuckin’ bed.”
Lucy looked horrified, but Cooper didn’t stop. He kept the same pace, his fingers thudding against that spot that made her tense and shove at him. If he pulled back, she’d drag him close again. His name fumbled past her lips here and there, like she was mad at him, and he just worked her harder.
And then her thighs snapped and near cracked his damn head off, her back arched against the bed, and a desperately wet patch formed beneath his chin between them. He couldn’t hide the shit-eating smirk as he rested his cheek against her thigh, a rumbling noise of satisfaction that some things couldn’t leave you.
Cooper didn’t leave her a chance to recover, owing to the heavy throb at every little noise she made. His cock damn near hurt, and there wasn’t much he could do about it.
Well.
It took a moment, but he had her thighs settled around his hips as he kept it simple for her sake. It stopped being about sex or need and became something even more abstract, that hot ache for warmth and to be inside her. She whimpered with that dazed, empty-faced bliss as he caught her behind the knees. His ruined, rough hands had no place near her pristine vault-grown flesh.
And yet he had his ex-wife to thank — much obliged Barb, you fuckin’ snake. It’s a lashing thought he bit back, that constant push between loving the woman and hating what she’d done. But this was simpler, a pretty young thing slick and waiting for whatever he sought to do with her.
All the times he could have done this shit back when the world was whole. But he never would have. Not back then.
Now…
That lead-weight heat in his stomach spurred him on; a few shallows thrusts were all he could manage before he buried himself inside her. It was such a bone-deep satisfaction he couldn't recall why it'd been so long.
But then he was face to face with her, that pretty, doe-eyed shock as she played catch up with him. He caught her cheeks between his finger and thumb, pushing her head back and pouting her lips.
"This what that vault of yours taught you? Lay back and think of America?"
“It was — our duty…”
“To get fucked?” Cooper couldn’t help but laugh, each long, slow thrust, another scratch to an impossible itch. “Bet your daddy will be real proud when he finds out you fucked a ghoul.”
Lucy mumbled in protest, her fingers digging into his forearm’s patchy flesh. She kept pace with his thrusts, the bruising bite of his fingers on her hips. His other hand remained on her face to keep her looking at him as he bore down.
Their room quickly became guttural noises, his exertion an undercurrent to her yelps and pleading noises. She clawed at his hand, the one that was keeping her honest and facing him. She didn't get to look away and pretend this was some other man fucking her.
Lucy fought against his grip, stuck between glaring and panting. The orgasm she’d squirmed through before and broken to had her dazed and gentle like she was on cloud nine. But the slow increase of pace and pressure had her writhing again like when he’d had his tongue and fingers deep inside her.
Cooper slid his hand lower, his grip fastened to her throat. He gave a few shallow thrusts before he set into a steady rhythm, focused on how damn good he felt. The tighter he pinched the sides of her neck, the tighter she got. That slick flutter of her cunt out of fear and adrenaline, of whether he'd let the blood go back to her head or not...
He really could do any number of terrible things to her, and no one would know. But she came to this seedy hotel room and lazed around and trusted him like the fucking moron she is. And he clung to what thin shred of honor he had to not hurt her beyond what she might enjoy.
It isn’t some big, beautiful moment where they rode out a climax together — it’s far messier, the juts of his hips all the warning he got as he cracked his hips closer to hers. And then there was that tug low in his stomach, the jitters in his pelvis so desperate he couldn’t catch it.
Cooper tucked his head against her neck, his teeth buried into her shoulder as he came. His fingers dug deep into the mattress, a heinous growl between gnashing teeth. They’d stopped the banter long ago, probably due to his comment about her dad — he didn’t care much. He appreciated the silence.
But she was breathing, long and soft, and his teeth were still buried in her shoulder. He couldn’t breathe as easily, a rasping, rolling sound from low in his throat. He swallowed a few times and coughed out of habit.
“You need your meds,” Lucy said, her voice drifting and gentle.
For a moment, he wanted to let go all the way. But he left it at the deep bruise on her shoulder, that crescent of teeth swelling from the pressure. He thumbed the mark and drew back, dressed enough that he was able to tuck himself away in a moment, ready to run or fight if needed.
Lucy…
Cooper coughed into the crushed shape of his fist, her body marked with his grip on her hip, her leg, and her throat. He didn’t feel anything at that, no pride, no guilt. He couldn’t even muster that satisfaction of seeing a naked woman.
Lucy’s hand dipped between her thighs, her fingers tested against herself. He’d come inside her and hadn’t really thought to pull out or ask. Another cough caught him off-guard; his mind shifted to the RadAway in his pack.
“It’s a shame,” Lucy said, a distance in her gaze. “That you couldn’t get me pregnant, even if you wanted to. I feel like you’d be a good dad.”
Cooper had no idea what to say to that.
“I’ll take the first watch,” Lucy said as she moved to get dressed. She didn’t meet his eye but didn’t seem angry.
Cooper strode over to her, his hand on her cheek and his thumb on her bottom lip. He met her eye for a long moment. He bent down to place a kiss as gently as he could manage on her forehead, the cavity of his nose bumping against the top of her head.
Lucy bounced up to peck him on the lips, so chaste you wouldn’t believe he’d just fucked her into the mattress. She smiled that same empty-eyed Hollywood smile. She touched his cheek, her thumb brushed against the hollow of his cheek and over his hairless brow.
“You aren’t mad at me anymore, right?”
“No,” Cooper said, unwilling to get back into it.
“Good.”
There isn’t any room to cuddle, not that he’d want to. Not that she would want to, either. He can’t quite make out what happened between them. But it seemed like it’d put Lucy’s mind at ease, that he wouldn’t turn on his heel and leave. Maybe this was the ‘something’ she needed from him.
Just something that they shared, something deeper than a shared destination.
Just, something.
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Broken Fence
Azriel x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 4.2k
Warnings: angst. major character death.
Summary: Humans only have a short lifespan compared to the fae and unfortunately for Azriel he had fallen in love with one.
A Court of Thorns and Roses Masterlist
•••
The door slammed open as Azriel burst into Rhys’s office, tears streaming down his face and sobs echoing throughout the room. Rhys and Cassian looked toward their brother and rushed over to him. In the centuries they had known Azriel, they had never seen him this hysterical. As Azriel collapsed to the floor, Rhys fell down with him, pulling the shadowsinger into his arms. Cassian placed his hands on Azriel’s shoulders gently.
“Az, what happened?” asked Cassian.
The sobs coming from Azriel only increase as he clutches onto Rhys, trying his best to ground himself. Rhys and Cassian share a look of questioning, neither of the two knew what would have happened.
“Azriel,” Cassian spoke softly. “Please tell us what happened.”
Azriel’s gaze finally met Cassian’s, his eyes full of tears and Cassian’s heart broke just looking at him.
“She’s- she’s dead,” Azriel forced out before more guttural sobs came from him.
“Az, who’s dead,” Rhys asked, tightening his grip on the shadowsinger.
Azriel pulled away from Rhys and slumped forward, pushing his brothers away. His breath was ragged and he could barely see in front of him as the tears in his eyes clouded his vision.
In his whole life, Azriel had never felt this type of pain. His heart was shattered and scattered where he would never be able to find them. In the matter of hours, Azriel had gone from the happiest male in the world to the saddest. The agony he felt was unbearable. Azriel had survived wars and torture but this was still the most pain he had ever felt.
Azriel placed his hand over his heart, it hammered in his chest. Rhys and Cassian remained standing behind him giving him as much space as they could.
“Y/N,” Azriel finally spoke. “She died.”
“Whose Y/N?” Rhys asked.
“She—“ Azriel cut himself off as another sob forced itself out of him. “She was mine and I— I was hers. I love her so much.”
Cassian stepped up to Azriel and placed his hand on his shoulder once more. This time Azriel didn’t try to pull away. Rhys came up behind Azriel and stood next to him, offering him the same comfort as Cassian.
“How did she die?” Rhys asked.
Azriel was silent. He leaned into his brothers’ touch, seeking as much comfort as he could. “Old age,” he finally answered. “She was seventy-one.”
Only an hour before, Azriel had clutched onto hers as she took her final breaths. The slackening of her grip made Azriel’s heart drop as soon as he felt it. He had smoothed her hair out of her face as she closed her eyes for the final time. She looked older than when he had met her when she was twenty-six but that glimmer in her eyes remained.
“She was human,” Azriel began. His sobs had slowly subsided and now his cries were quiet as he spoke. “I met her forty five years ago. It’s where I always disappear every night.”
Rhys guided Azriel to sit down. His wings were dragging across the floor, he didn’t care enough to pick them up.
“How did you two meet?” Cassian asked.
Azriel let out a breath. “You sent me on a mission to the human lands when an ash arrow was shot at my wing.”
“You never told me that!” Rhys exclaimed.
Azriel shrugged. “It wasn’t important.” Azriel wiped away the tears that had dried on his cheeks. “I fell into Y/N’s garden, I ruined her fence.”
Despite the way he was feeling he couldn’t help but smile at the memory.
***
As soon as he hit the ground, Azriel groaned in pain. It was late at night so Azriel thought that he would have been safe flying over the mortal lands. Apparently not. Heaving his body from the ground, Azriel stood on his feet. His left wing hung limply beside him. Every movement sent a sharp pain through it.
As his focus shifted from his injuries— which consisted of his wing and his arm which had broken from his landing— Azriel had failed to notice where he had crash landed.
“Who the hell are you!” A woman's voice echoed through the night air.
Azriel spun around and noticed a woman in her mid twenties standing with a small wooden beam in her hands. She held it defensively in front of her though she looked as if she would throw it at any point.
Azriel held his hands up in defence, although with some effort considering the pain in his arm. “I’m not a threat.”
“You’re not human,” the woman said. “Why are you here?”
“I was flying over the mortal lands and I was shot by an ash arrow,” Azriel explained. “I can leave as soon as I get the arrow out.”
The woman took a step closer, her eyes full of uncertainty. “Does it hurt?”
Azriel grunted as he tried to move his wing. The arrow was in a place he couldn’t reach. “Yes.”
The woman took one more step closer. Her eyes glanced at his arm and down to the arrow in his wing. “Aren’t you meant to be fast at healing?”
“The arrow slows that process down,” Azriel said. “As soon as it is out, I can be on my way.”
“You broke my fence,” the woman stated.
Azriel looked over at the fence he had fallen on. “I apologise.”
The woman dropped the wooden beam, sensing that Azriel wasn’t a threat. “Do you want to come inside? I can help you with…that.”
Azriel looked taken back for a moment. “What?”
The woman rolled her eyes. “I asked you if you wanted to come in. I can help you with your injuries.”
Azriel lowered his head. “I would appreciate it.”
The woman turned on her heel and walked back to her house. “Come on then.”
Obediently, Azriel followed. He ducked through her doorway and shut the door behind him. The cottage was small but homely. There was a fire roaring and the woman walked over to the kitchen area, moving a stool out from under the table.
“Sit,” The woman said.
Azriel sat down on the stool and sighed, relieved to get off his feet.
“How do I go about this?” The woman asked.
Azriel finally looked at her in the lighting and his breathing hitched in his throat. The woman standing before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“What’s your name?” Azriel asked, his voice soft.
“Y/N,” she said.
“Y/N,” Azriel repeated. The name sounded beautiful on his tongue.
“Don’t wear it out,” Y/N said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Now, how do I…y’know?”
Y/N gestured to the arrow in his wing.
“Oh,” said Azriel, raising his wing the smallest amount, pain shooting through him. “Make sure you pull it straight or it will cause more damage.”
“Okay,” Y/N breathed, suddenly nervous.
Azriel watched as she kneeled down by the arrow and glided her fingers over his wing. Azriel flinched and Y/N jumped back.
“I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, wide-eyed. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” Azriel said. “My wings are just sensitive. Sorry I scared you.”
Y/N only offered him a nod before shuffling closer to his wing. Her fingers gently touched the area next to the arrow. This time Azriel didn’t flinch but breathed out through his teeth.
“Okay, just pull it straight through,” Y/N muttered to herself.
Azriel glanced down at her and watched her expressions change as she hyped herself up to pull the arrow from his wing. Her hand was already on the arrow and his blood was soaking into her hands. Despite the way he was feeling, Azriel was shocked. He would guess that any other mortal would easily shy away from him or happily kill him– and one of those options was already attempted.
“I’m sorry if this hurts,” Y/N said.
She wrapped her hand around the arrow head and quickly pulled it through his wing. Azriel grunted in pain and Y/N simply pressed a bandage to the wound to clear the blood away. As Y/N continued to wipe all of the blood away, Azriel could hear her heartbeat increase.
“Are you scared of me?” Azriel asked, his voice soft.
Y/N looked up at him, stilling her movements. “No, I’m not. I’m just worried I hurt you.”
Azriel’s eyes softened. “You didn’t hurt me.”
Y/N offered him a small smile. “Good.”
Y/N rose to her feet and Azriel tracked her movements. She moved with a certain grace that Azriel had never seen before and he found it hard to tear his eyes away.
“What is your name?” Y/N asked, sitting in the seat beside Azriel.
“What?” Azriel questioned, snapping out of his trance.
“Your name,” said Y/N, amusement shining in her eyes. “You never told me.”
“Azriel,” he said. “My name is Azriel.”
Y/N nodded before rising from the chair she was sitting in. For the first time since he had entered her home, Azriel looked away from Y/N and down to his arm. It was slowly beginning to heal.
“It is truly fascinating how fast you heal,” Y/N commented. “I broke my arm when I was just ten years old, it only took six weeks to heal but it felt like it was much longer for me.”
Azriel offered her a nod and flexed his fingers, there was a dull ache– nothing he couldn’t handle. His wing still hurt but as he raised it from where it had rested limply behind him, he found that he would have the strength to fly. From where she now stood in the kitchen area, Y/N glanced at Azriel out of the corner of her eyes, her eyes focused on his wings. She didn’t seem to be afraid at all– she looked fascinated.
In his entire three-hundred and twenty years of living, Azriel had never seen a human take such an interest in him before, at least an interest that didn’t cause him direct harm. Azriel enjoyed it.
“How do you feel when flying?” Y/N asked, spinning around. “I mean, how is it? Is it scary being so high up? I always wanted to fly when I was younger. I was convinced that I had a secret power to fly so I jumped from the roof of the house. It’s how I broke my arm.”
Azriel couldn’t help but let a quiet laugh pass by his lips. He didn’t intend for it to slip past but from the way Y/N’s face lit up when she heard it, he was glad he let it slip past. “I can show you.”
Her eyes widened. “No, I couldn’t possibly accept that. You are injured.”
Azriel stretched his wing. “I’ve handled worse.”
Y/N took a small step forward as Azriel held out his hand. She looked down at it and Azriel had the urge to pull his hand away once her gaze became focused on his scars. Before he could even begin to, Y/N clasped her soft hand in his. “Only if this doesn’t hurt you,” she said.
Azriel clasped her hand in his, savouring the feeling of her skin. “I assure you, I will be fine.”
With their hands linked together, Azriel led her outside. Y/N looked nervous as she looked to the sky.
“Having second thoughts?” Azriel questioned, a hit of teasing laced his tone.
“No!” Y/N exclaimed. “It’s just a bit high, isn’t it?”
Azriel chuckled and Y/N smiled. “What?” she asked.
If Azriel could have a portrait of her smiling face he would. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
“Nothing,” Azriel said, simply smiling down at her.
Y/N shook her head, and looked down to the ground, her smile never faltering.
“Are you still sure about this?” Azriel asked.
“Yes,” Y/N replied. “Just…don’t drop me.”
Azriel squeezed her hand. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
With a quick movement, Azriel sweeped Y/N from her feet and she let out a noise of surprise and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I wasn’t ready!” she exclaimed.
Azriel turned his head to look at her and he immediately found that it was a mistake. Her breath fanned his face as his eyes met hers, faces only inches apart. Up close, Azriel could make out the colour of her eyes and the dark lashes that framed them. Azriel couldn’t help himself as he let his eyes glide down her face. Her lips were slightly parted and Azriel couldn’t help but fixate on them. They looked soft and he desperately wanted to test his theory.
Before he could even think about leaning closer, he cleared his throat. As he spoke his voice was quiet. “I will need to stay away from the town or anywhere that we are likely to be spotted.”
“That’s fine,” Y/N replied, breathless.
“Hold on tight.”
It was all Azriel said as he shot off into the sky. The pain in his wing was mostly gone, all that remained was a slight pain whenever he flapped his wings to soar higher into the sky. As soon as Azriel shot off, Y/N’s arms tightened around his neck and her head buried in his shoulder, eyes closed tight. Azriel tightened his grip on her as he flew through the sky, making sure to avoid anywhere that he would endanger Y/N.
“You can look,” Azriel said. “You do have quite a view.”
Azriel felt Y/N let out a breath and pull her head from where it was buried in his shoulder and immediately looked down. As soon as she saw how high they were, her face was once again nestled in Azriel’s shoulder.
“Don’t look down,” Azriel said, his voice gentle and encouraging. “Look at me.”
Y/N pulled her face away slowly, her gaze meeting Azriel’s. As soon as their eyes met, Azriel smiled. He couldn’t help himself. Once Y/N was used to the thought of being so high in the sky, her gaze left Azriel’s as she looked out and a gasp left her lips.
“It’s beautiful,” Y/N whispered, her eyes darting across everything she saw. The twinkle of lights from the town, the stars in the sky and the moon, which was full and in her direct eyeline.
“I know,” Azriel said, though he wasn’t looking at the view. He was looking at Y/N.
Everything in Azriel told him to simply fly her back to her house and leave her. Thinking about her the way he was would only cause problems, mainly for him. Her lifespan was limited, if he became too attached she would only become a small fraction of his immortal life.
But Azriel couldn’t help himself. To him, she was the most beautiful being in the world. The moonlight shone on her face as she looked at the view around her, her gaze never focusing on one thing for too long, not wanting to miss anything.
“You do this everyday?” Y/N questioned. “It’s incredible.”
The sounds of her melodic voice snapped Azriel out of his thoughts as he looked at where they were flying, closer to the village. “We should go back now, I wish not to be seen again.”
Y/N’s gaze looked at the moon once more before she nodded.
It wasn’t long before Azriel had landed back in Y/N’s garden. He set Y/N down on her feet gently and looked down at her. Her hair was windswept but she was still gorgeous.
The smile on her face was bright as she looked up at Azriel. “That was amazing! I can’t believe I was flying!”
“Technically you weren’t flying,” Azriel teased.
Y/N gently hit his arm. “I was up in that sky, so I was flying.”
Azriel rolled his eyes playfully.
“Thank you, Azriel,” Y/N said, her hand caressing his hand. “Truly, that was the most incredible thing I have ever done.”
“I’m glad you trusted me,” Azriel replied.
As they stood there in the middle of the garden with the ruined fence, Y/N reached up and threw her arms around his shoulders. Shocked, Azriel remained still, not anticipating the affectionate gesture. Her body was warm and welcoming against him. He enjoyed the feeling immensely.
Just as Y/N was about to pull away, Azriel’s arms found their place around her waist and held her tightly, though not enough to injure her human body.
“I didn’t pin you for much of a hugger,” Y/N commented, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
“I’m not,” Azriel replied, lifting her from her feet with ease.
Y/N legs wrapped around his waist as Azriel buried his head in the crook of her neck.
“You bring something out of me,” said Azriel. His lips brushed against her neck which caused a shiver to go down Y/N’s spine. “I can’t explain it.”
Y/N unwrapped her legs from around him and Azriel set her on her feet but Y/N didn’t pull away– not fully. “Are you leaving?”
Azriel sighed. He didn’t want to, but he knew he couldn’t stay. “I am.”
“Will you come back?” Y/N asked, her eyes, although sad, were full of hope.
Azriel knew that it was a bad idea. He could never be with a human but with Y/N, he had never felt so carefree and at ease before. Her touch alone did things to him that no other touch had.
“I will return,” Azriel said. “I can’t leave you when I haven’t even flown you when there is a sunset.”
Y/N smiled. “When? I don’t want it to be when I am old and grey.”
There was a small stab to Azriel’s heart at the thought of Y/N ageing when he wouldn’t but he brushed it off. “Tomorrow?”
Y/N brightened. “Really? You will really come back?”
Azriel cupped her cheeks. “You couldn’t keep me away.”
Y/N hands held onto his wrists. “I will be waiting.”
His thumb brushed across her cheek. “I will be here as soon as I can.”
“You better,” Y/N said. “And you better be good with your hands because I expect you to fix my fence.”
Azriel laughed, not not bothering to hide his amusement. “Is that all you want me for? You rebuild your garden decoration.”
“And to fly me around,” Y/N replied. “Why else would I need you?”
“I can think of a few things,” Azriel whispered and watched as Y/N looked to the floor flustered.
Azriel smiled fondly at Y/N as he tilted her chin up. “I will return tomorrow, Y/N.”
Their lips touched and before Y/N could process exactly what was happening, Azriel had pulled away, a smug smile on his face. He stepped back and Y/N gaped at him.
“You can’t just do that and then leave!” Y/N exclaimed.
“Why? I thought you only wanted me for construction and flying?”
Y/N rolled her eyes before she marched up to Azriel and tugged him down until their lips crashed together. Y/N took the lead in the kiss, and Azriel allowed her. Her lips were soft and Azriel needed more of her. He needed to feel those lips everywhere on his body.
Before Azriel could wrap his arms around her and pull her body against his, Y/N pulled away. A smug smile now on her face.
“I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Azriel,” Y/N said, stepping back.
It was Azriel’s turn to gape at her and Y/N only laughed, a sound Azriel wished to hear again and again and again.
“Maybe if you build my fence well, I’ll let you continue that,” Y/N said.
Azriel smirked. “I will build that fence so that it outshines every other fence ever built.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Azriel,” Y/N said before turning her back to him and walked back into the warmth of her house.
Azriel waited until she closed the door before shooting to the sky to fly back home– a bright smile on his face.
***
“I went back nearly every night,” Azriel said. “Any free time I had, I spent with her. We could never make it official but she had bought us rings. She said that despite the fact that we couldn't get married, she wanted to call me her husband.”
Azriel pulled a chain from around his neck, a simple gold band threaded on it, next to it a ring with a simple gen in the middle, the exact colour of Azriel’s siphons. Y/N had urged Azriel to take it before she passed.
“I called her my wife for forty-four years,” Azriel explained.
“Why did you never tell us?” Rhys asked. “You could have brought her here, I would have protected her.”
Azriel shook his head. “I didn’t want to take any risk. I would happily risk my safety to keep crossing into the mortal lands but I would never risk hers.”
Azriel looked down at the rings on the chain and more tears welled in his eyes. It was the first time he had seen her ring off her finger since he had slipped it on. “I miss her. I really miss her.”
Cassian simply wrapped his arm around his brother and let him let out the tears.
“I tried to convince myself not to get too attached to her,” Azriel said. “I really tried but the more I tried to force myself to leave, the more I began to fall in love with her. She was so easy to love.”
Rhys smiled sadly at his brother. “I wish we could have met her.”
“You would have loved her,” Azriel replied, he hadn’t torn his gaze away from the two rings. “Can I be alone for a moment?”
Cassian simply shared a look with Rhys and the two offered Azriel a squeeze of support before standing to their feet and leaving the room. Azriel remained in silence.
Tears fell down his cheeks as he pressed her ring to his lips, kissing it just as he had before he placed it on her finger. It hadn’t been long since Y/N had passed, yet Azriel dreaded everything that came after. He dreaded waking up in the mornings and not being able to pull her close to him. The left side of the bed would always be cold.
Azriel clutched the two rings in his fist and cried silently. He would never hear her laugh or see her smile, always so bright it lit up any room. He would never wrap his arms and wings around her whenever she was having a bad day and he would never feel the comfort of her arms around him whenever he was feeling down.
As the tears fell, Azriel swore he felt a hand caress his cheek. His eyes remained closed but as he felt another caress he opened them, his vision slightly blurred by the tears. However, through them he could still make out a faint figure.
It was Y/N, looking the same as the day they met.
“Y/N…” Azriel whispered as he tried to reach out but his hand fell though empty air.
Y/N’s soft smile graced her face as she simply leaned forward and pressed her lips against her forehead. Azriel could barely feel it but he would recognise her kiss anywhere. He savoured it, knowing that it was the last time he would ever feel it.
As she pulled away Azriel watched as she faded more and more, the sun shining through the window rendering her practically invisible but Azriel could still make out her face. A face that he would never forget.
“I love you.”
Her voice was barely a whisper and it sounded like it was coming from all directions at once.
“I love you too,” Azriel replied. “I love you and I always will.”
The same bright smile Azriel loved spread across her face as she blew him a kiss before she completely disappeared. Azriel’s eyes remained on where she had stood. He still couldn’t figure out if she was real or if it was just a figment of his imagination. But those touched felt real.
Azriel looked back at the two rings on the chain. He slid his own from it. He had never been able to wear it when he wasn’t with Y/N. With his job at the Night Court, he never wanted any potential enemies to find out about her. But now…now he could freely wear it. Azriel slipped his own ring onto his finger and smiled. It felt right.
He pressed one final kiss to Y/N’s before he tucked it back under his shirt, feeling the cool metal press against his chest, just over his heart.
Azriel wiped the tears from his face and let out a deep breath before exiting Rhys’s office, seeking out the comfort of his brothers. With time he knew that he would be okay, he didn’t know if that would be in ten years or a hundred years but he knew that one day he would be okay.
#azriel angst#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader#azriel acotar#azriel#acotar x reader#acotar#a court of thorns and roses
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right here waiting | f.o
finnic odair x fem!reader
summary: after the quarter quell you vanish, no sign, no trace. you left behind your boyfriend, finnick, who could just not wrap his head around your disappearance. what happened?
warnings: typical hunger games violence, blood, torture, strong language, descriptions of wounds.
a/n: this fic is a long time coming. i love finnick and is one of my favorite characters but i can never find the right storyline for his character. it’s also been a hot minute since i’ve watched the movies so if there are any inaccuracies just look away lmao. hopefully, i can continue to write for him. i hope you guys enjoy this one !! feedback is appreciated ! also since i haven’t written in a very long time this came out shorter than i wanted it too. sorry about that.
requests open
not proofread
Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.
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“run!!” your voice echoed, the dome was collapsing. “finnick, run!” you turned around, grabbing his wrist to pull you along. the arena was exploding as you tried your best to dodge the debris. katniss had used one of her arrows and shot the border of the arena causing it to collapse. now, all the victors began to spread out to take cover from the panels.
“holy shit, y/n, look out!!” finnick was ripped from your grasp as the ground below you rumbled and sent you falling.
"y/n!? “y/n!" you could hear someone calling your name in the distance, it was a panicked finnick searching the forest floor for your body. you opened your eyes trying to search for him but your vision was too blurry. everything was spinning. "finnick."
in seconds you were back on the ground and eyes falling back, slipping into unconsciousness.
it had been weeks since your disappearance, at first most people just assumed you had died that day in the arena. either by debris or the capital, but finnick knew that you were still out there somewhere.
for finnick, it was a nightmare. he barely left his room. every day that you stayed missing he slowly began to lose hope that he’d find you again. so, he began to mourn.
he was almost unrecognizable. finnick was letting himself go. he began to neglect his health, he refused to eat, he couldn’t sleep, and he was killing himself.
guilt heavy on his shoulders after losing you, even though the people around him had assured him that your disappearance wasn’t his fault. but finnick thought that had he held on to your hand just a little tighter you would’ve made it out.
katniss came to him one day, finding him lying on his bed staring at the ceiling like any other day. “this isn’t like you.” she stated. finnicks eyes found her, standing at the edge of his bed. the girl sighed, crossing her arms. “you’re killing yourself.” he shrugged. “what else am i supposed to do?” “fight for her?” “how?” katniss fell silent, she wasn’t sure how to proceed with the news she had just received. slowly, she moved to his side and sat down. “she’s alive.”
everything froze, he was sure he even stopped breathing. finnick sat up slowly so he could face katniss. “what?” “she’s in the capitol. with peeta.”
the bright fluorescent light of the hospital room burned your eyes, you brought your hand over your eyes to adjust to the light. once your eyes adjusted to the light you scanned your surroundings. you looked at your hand, you had an iv in, and you heard the faint beeping of the monitor next to you.
what happened? how did you get out? where were you? you barely remembered what happened in the capitol, it was all a blur. you began to panic, searching around the room wondering if you could get out.
the door opened, and you looked to your left and saw someone entering. “kat?” your voice was scratchy and hoarse. she now stood at your bedside holding your hand. she hummed, “hi, y/n/n”. “thank god” you breathed, tears welling in your eyes. “i thought id never see you again” katniss hushed your cries, wiping away the tears falling from your eyes. “shh, it’s okay. you’re okay” she smiled. caressing your cheek.
you had lost a lot of weight at this point, your face was sunken in. your body thinner than it had ever been, and you were beyond exhausted both physically and mentally. “oh, honey” she coaxed. you held onto her hand tightly, “there’s someone here who wants to see you.” she gently escaped from your grasp, walking to the exit.
"fin. you breathed, watching him enter the room. it felt like a dream you had wanted to see him for so long. it felt like an eternity. the one you loved so dearly, the one who has saved your life multiple times. "y/n" he walked over to your bedside. he was hesitant at first, but when you held your hand out for him he gained confidence.
"you're here." you weakly smiled, reaching for his hand. he found himself on the edge of your bed, holding you
“of course i am, sweets. where else would i be?" he chuckled softly, and you hummed. you brought your hand to his cheek. you examined his face and he placed his hands on yours. finnick studied you, making sure to soak in every detail.
"you'll never have to go through that again, y/n. i promise i'll do anything to keep you safe." he kissed the top of your head.
you smiled as he pulled back, and tears fell from your eyes again. "i know, fin" you said softly. "you look tired, love" he sighed. it had been such a long time since you'd been in his embrace, you missed everything about him. his jokes, snarky comments, his grin. he was your everything. "i am." you hummed, while he sat holding your hand. “rest, i’ll be right here when you wake up.”
#finnick odair fluff#finnick x you#finnick odair x reader#finnick x reader#finnick imagine#thg finnick#finnick odair#finnick x y/n#hunger games finnick#finnick odair x you#thg imagine#thg fanfic#the hunger games
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Sing me a Lullaby
Tim Bradford x reader
Warnings/Tags: character death, angst, fluff, hurt
Word count: 482
Authors note: Hey guys, don't know how this happened, but I suddenly had this idea. If my goal is to make you cry? Maybe. I did (but only a little bit, I swear). The song mentioned is Lullabye from Billy Joel.
I would say enjoy, but...
There weren't a lot of things Tim Bradford was scared of.
Still he couldn't sleep, having a hard time to calm down.
With you it was different.
Whenever he couldn't sleep you would sing him a lullaby, calming down his racing heart and erasing the horrible things he saw, when he closed his eyes.
He had seen a lot of things no one should ever see in their lives.
No matter how often he told himself that he was strong, your presence and your sweet voice that filled his head, luring him to sleep, were the only things that helped him at night.
"Goodbye my angel, time to close your eyes." you would sing, your fingers brushing through his hair as you smelled his familiar scent.
"And save these questions for another day. I think I know what you've been asking me, I think you know what I've been trying to say."
It was a song as old as you were, your father singing it to you whenever you couldn't sleep as a baby. It continued even when you grew older, until he died of cancer when you were still very young.
You knew every word of it by heart, the song having a deep meaning for you. Tim knew that, feeling honored that you decided to share it with him.
You were his save haven, his light.
So when you were on patrol with your rookie, a call turning out to be a shooting like you'd rarely seen, his thoughts were trained on you, trying to get you all out of there alive as the supervising officer.
He silently gave administrations, telling you where to go and where to position yourselves, waiting for his signal.
It should have been easy, going in, arresting the drug dealer, going back out.
But it wasn't.
When you stormed the abandoned storage hall, they'd already been waiting for you.
Hiding behind boxes you waited for a clear shot, all the while looking out for the others. Firing whenever you were able to, you shot one down, Tim shooting another one.
There was backup right behind you, Harper, Nolan, Grey, Lucy and some other cops.
When you had shot all of them down, you released a sigh of relief. Even though they managed to surprise you, only one got shot in the leg.
Coming out from your hiding spot you followed Tim and Harper, as they slowly made their way forward.
There was no one in sight, causing you to frown. But you would have never complained about something easier than it looked.
But suddenly, your body jerked forward, straight towards Tim, who's face was sprinkled with blood.
Before you could have asked yourself where the blood came from, you fell into his arms, suddenly having trouble to breathe.
Tim's eyes widened in horror, as he slowly sank down onto his knees with you in his arms.
"No..." he breathed, as you started to feel the pain. A shot rang, as you heard someone call clear.
"No, no, no, no, no!" Tim panicked, frantically pressing his hands to the wound in your chest.
He couldn't lose you.
"Y/N, stay with me!" he shouted, though it seemed to blur, as your fingers slowly brushed over his cheek, adding more blood to it as your body convulsed.
You didn't get enough air into your lungs. It was like something blocked your airways, as you struggled.
Someone called for an ambulance, as Tim pressed harder on your wound. His fingers were full of your blood, as it seemed to just seep through, no matter his attempts of stopping it.
"Y/N!" you heard him shout your name again, as tears formed in his eyes, one after another freeing themselves. "I can't lose you, please, stay with me!"
A hot tear ran down your cheek, as you tried to understand what was happening through the fog in your brain. "I-I love you, T-Tim." you sputtered, blood seeping from your mouth.
"I love you too, so don't dare dying on me now!" he gave back, shaking as he sobbed.
You felt so cold, numb.
"Sing me a lullaby." you asked of him, as you noticed how black blotches started to cover your vision.
He stared at you for a moment, speechless. But he did as you asked him to, silently praying that the ambulance would make it in time.
"Goodbye my angel, time to close your eyes." His voice broke, as a sob racked through him, tears running into his open mouth. "And save these questions for another day."
His heart wrenched, as he fell silent, trying to find back his voice, hands still pressing on your wound.
"I think I know what you've been asking me." he continued, your body hanging limp in his arms. "I think you know what I've been trying to say. I promised I would never leave you, and you should always know, wherever you may go, no matter where you are, I never will be very far."
Anther sob racked through him, his body shaking as he sung the words he remembered by heart.
"Goodbye my angel, now it's time to sleep."
He didn't know that you never heard his last words, even if they meant the world to him.
But as you lay dying in his arms, you knew he was your home. And wherever you may go, you would be his.
Always and forever.
#tim bradford x you#tim bradford imagine#tim bradford x reader#tim bradford#the rookie x u#the rookie imagine#the rookie x reader#the rookie#john nolan x u#john nolan x reader#john nolan imagine#john nolan
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i’ve never requested anything before so idk how this works but, if you’re still taking request for avatar characters, i’m thinking of a neteyam x reader, like the reader is a really talented warrior and they’re the apprentice of Jake and Both the Reader and Neteyam are constantly in competition to see who’s the strongest and at some point one of them just has an outburst due to all the pressure they have on them. (btw i literally found your account today and i just have to say i love your writing) :))
NETEYAM X READER
Golden child
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Growing up in the omaticaya clan, the people recognized the spark you had, a passionate flame that burned in your heart. Strong, leading. Everybody knew that you would be someone great, and that’s exactly what you were. You always aimed for the top, always made 1st place, always tried your hardest at everything you did.
And alongside you, the oldest son of Jake sully, neteyam.
The two of you were fairly close in age, you being only a few months younger, and when your parents died, and were given back to eywa, jake felt the responsibility of taking you in, they were in his war party, and you reminded him so much of himself. And Neytiri always wanted a daughter, so you became a sully.
And so it begun. With the two of you, everything had to be a competition. You got your ikran? Neteyam gets his a day later. You catch a fish while hunting? Neteyam catches 7. You can eat 2 fish? Neteyam can at 3. Every waking hour the two of you lived was spent staring at eachother, waiting to beat the other. THe only thing you had above him, was that you were in the war party, and he always on lookout.
“Did you get hurt while on your mission? I guess the sky people are getting too strong for you.” he spoke, noticing the cut on your cheek, the both of you knew he was joking. He pressed a piece of cloth against your cheek, sending a smirk. You just narrowed your eyes, chuckling.
“Being that i was able to come within 10 feet of one, im not worried. How was your little tree a mile away from our spot? Was it nice and warm?” you taunted right back at him, laughing at how his smirk fell. This was such a common interactionbetween the two of you, in which neither of you took it seriously.
Even so, you and neteyam were kind of forced to grow a bond, being that 90% of your time was spent trying to outdo the other. The two of you didnt really know why it was the way it was between you two, maybe the validation you got from jake in being the oldest sibling, or the golden child, who could protect the family. Both of you kindled the same flame, and it made both of you stronger.
So naturally, when the two of you both moved to the metkayina tribes together, along with the rest o the sully family, and learned that you would have to learn the ways of water… It became a rivalry. Who could pick it up faster. Who’s ilu was bigger, who could stay underwater for longer, who could stay out of trouble longer.
ANd to your great surprise, neteyam found himself winning at everything. He was just so fast in adjusting to the world around, he could ride on an ilu within the first days of trying, automatically he was able to understand the breathing techniques of the metkayina clan, he made it look. So . easy.
But you? You couldnt, you didnt even know why it was so hard, tuk even got it within a month. You could barely swim, holding your breath was harder than fighting a sky person in one of those suits, and you just couldnt bond with the nature around, even if it was beautiful. You tried your hardest, practicing for hours longer than you had to, almost feinting from exhaustion every night. But still, things didnt get better like they usually did.
And it tore you apart, youd never not been good at something, even if it was hard at first, you ALWAYS got better at it. That was why this was just so strange for you, so overwhelming to the point that it made you want to rip your hair out. You just couldnt comprehend how he was just so good at everything, that was your job, it's not fun to compete when you arent good at it.
So as a few months past, your agitation grew, and your patience shrunk. Things werent getting better, even Lo-ak was picking things up faster than you, and he never did that. And trust me, everybody noticed, you became snappy, talking back to your dad, refusing to hang out with tuk most of the time, and you even yelled at anuong twice for teasing you. Eventually, jake stopped complimenting you like he did in the forests, and that hurt more than anything else could. Even if it was unintentional.
Eventually, when it all became too much for you to handle anymore, you asked for help. And who else to ask but the one guy you knew had to help you. Neteyam, he had to miss your daily little competitions, so he needed you to get better at… everything.
“Neteyam?” you approached him when the two of you were alone, he was cleaning the saddles of his ilu, which generally was an easy task, actually it was quite calming, so you assumed he would be easier to talk to now.
“Yeah?”
“I- im having trouble-i need you to- could you- um-” you spluttered, you were not known to be shy. Ever. This place is changing too much about you, and you hate it. The only person youd ever really felt comfortable asking for help from was jake, and even then that was only in dire situations. You just didnt know how to do it without feeling weak, feeling inferior.
“Oh? Is somebody trying to ask me for help?” A smirk splayed on his face as he side eyed you, placing the ilu saddle down, he crossed his arms, and stared at you in the same way neytiri would when she would watch you do something stupid. It was condescending. You wanted to punch him in the face.
“Y-yes, I am” his stare sent you into an internal rabbit hole, it was unrelenting, and you could tell exactly what he was thinking. That you were becoming weak. That he finally beat you at something.
“Say it.”
“Really?” You crossed your arms and stared at the boy. He had to be out of his mind to think you would go that low for him to- oh. You were going that low.
“Say. It.”
“Neteyam, please help me”
“Oh wow. What happened to the girl who restled a thanator? Is everybodys favorite Sully losing her spark?” he joked, setting a hand on your shoulder and tilting his head with a smirk. He wasnt serious, the two of you always teased eachother, which was most of the time mean comments, but it never was serious. But at this point, the nights you spent trying to swim instead of sleeping caught up, and your comprehension had ceased to work. Imagine neteyams surprise when his lighthearted joke made your lip start to wobble, and your eyes start to gloss over.
“Yeah- i think i am.” and with those words, your shoulders started shaking, and in a few seconds you dropped to your knees, and were crying like tuk does when she gets hurt. Large sobs racked your chest, and you brought your hands up to your eyes, shielding yourself from the embarrassment that you knew would come with crying in front of the boy that you constantly competed against.
You’d never felt so fucking incompetent before, like you couldn’t contribute anything to the table anymore. It made you want to kill everybody within a ten mile radius.
Immediately when neteyam realized that you were serious, and that this wasnt something you and loak were pranking him with, he also fell onto his knees, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him. His hand found it's way to your face, and he pushed the curtain of hair away from your eyes, pulling your hands away your hands.
“No- no don't cry y/n. I Didnt mean it, youre perfect- It was a joke i promise” He spluttered out in any attempts to console you, his eyes met your own, and he just stared. The both of you had experience in consoling younger crying siblings, but it never was you. He didnt think hed ever seen you cry before. It’s like all of his instincts froze up, and he had absolutely no idea what to do.
“Thats the thing Nete. I think youre right- I cant do anything anymore- breathing is hard for me- And dad doesnt look at me like he used to anymore- I just- i don't know what im doing wrong” you squinted your eyes and sniffled, you were just so tired, and overwhelmed. And so fucking done. You wanted to go home, back to what was normal, back where you could function like a person.
“Ma we y/n. Ma we. Y/n, you are the youngest to ever be in the omaticaya war party. Your name is known across pandora, you’ve surpassed the limits of eywa. You are nothing but elite-” he shifted in front of you and placed of his hands on the sides of your face. It forced you to look him in the eyes, and listen to what he was saying.
“Shes gone though- I cant hunt like they do. I am not a warrior of the sea. I can do nothing now. And youre just- you can do everything I can’t” the more you talked, the harder you made it for yourself to stop crying. All of the emotion, all of the anger, the grief, the aggravation, just crumbled. Along with that stupid golden child complex of yours.
“Y/n. Shut up. You are so amazing to me it hurts. The only reason you feel like this is because for the first time, you can’t do something. But that’s okay. I’m here. I see you.” He pressed his forehead to your own, wiping the tears that left your eyes with his thumb. You closed your eyes, and let him embrace you. This was strange, weakened wasn’t something either of you were very keen on showing, especially with him, especially not when it made you feel like this. Like neteyam was more than a rival.
“You promise?”
“Of course. ”
The two of you sat there for a moment, foreheads pressed closely, his hand on your shoulder and your face, comforting you with touch, rubbing circles into your back and wiping tears away. You could feel his breath, his heartbeat. And that alone was able to calm you down. Just him.
Just neteyam.
“I’m sorry- I know this is stupid I just didn’t know who else to ask and I thought you-“ it only took you a few seconds to realize the intimacy of the situation, him holding you, pressed up against your face, if anybody were to see you your parents would throw a fit. Your cheeks flushed a deeper shade of purple-y blue, and you stood up, breaking the locked eyes you had with the boy. He just chuckled.
“Does this mean I win?“ he let out the same giggle tuk might have when you went to throw the ilu saddle at him. Which eventually turned into him tackling you into the water. The two of you laughed, pretending to forget whatever just happened, whatever step the two of you just took in your relationship, trying to avoid whatever feelings both of you were most certainly having all of a sudden.
“Oh shut up”
———
*Bonus*
Anuong And loak watch your two figures from a farther away peer, they had been training when they caught eyes of the two golden silly’s getting a little too close for comfort. Immediately lo-ak was cackling at how stressed neteyam looked being so close to you.
“Let’s make a bet, loser has to do the others chores for a month” anuong spoke, staring at the two of you with intent. Lo-ak raised an eyebrow and smiled, it was so funny, he’d always been able to see it. The two of you were head over heels, you just couldn’t see it.
“I’d give it a week before they’re on top of eachother like mates” he answered, leaning over the edge of the peer and watching the two of press together. He couldn’t blame his brother for being so in love with you , you were amazing. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t use your relationship to his advantage.
“You’re on, fish lips.”
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Lol I had fun writing this; not really angst but a lil bit sad here and there
Anyway, thanks for requesting, and thanks for reading, I lived writing this even though I’m pretty sure it’s not very good. Bye! Have a great day!
#avatar loak#avatar imagine#avatar x you#avatar x reader#avatar the way of water#avatar#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x you#neteyam x reader#neteyam#fem reader#navi#pandora#sully family x reader#sully family#platonic jake sully#favorite child
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Chronos // Robert Bob Floyd
Summary: Bob told you that Chronos carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.
And while someone by the name of Pete Mitchell told you over the phone that your husband had been involved in a training accident….Well—you felt as if you'd fallen straight into it.
Warnings: Bob Floyd x Pregnant F!reader. F-18 accident. Medical inaccuracies. Birth. Bob Whump, ANGST. Major character death.
Word Count: 6.1k
Author Note: Today is Monday, for most of you it’s Sunday: Please enjoy this oneshot that’s been a work in progress since the 28th of March. ~ Last minute title name change. I’m posting this at 4am my time so blow this up.
First there was a storm of carbon and molten rock which begat granite and soil. Then, the land shook and it cracked and it rose till it spiked the sky. Forest grew and died and grew a hundred times again. And then people grew and died and grew and died a hundred times again. There were storms and seasons and fences and blood. Wonder and vengeance and a whole lot of regret….
And through every grievance, every war, the land and the sky didn't give two shits about any of it. Bob Floyd knew that as he and his front seater, Natasha Phoenix Trance, fell through the sky in a tin bird designed by man, for man to destroy other men….
That it wouldn't give two shits about them either.
“Extinguishing right engine!” There were far too many sounds coming from every system possible as Phoenix tried to regain control of the F-18 that seemed impossible to wrangle. All Bob could think about in those utterly terrifying moments was you.
He’d always made it a promise to come home to you. He knew how much you worried about him, how much the thought of being left behind ping ponged around in your brain. How sometimes you'd stay up all hours of the night hoping that wherever he was and whatever ocean he flew across that he was okay. That he was safe and that he;d come home to you.
Robert Floyd had made you a promise he had every intention of keeping, but he wasn't so sure he could.
“Phoenix, Bob! Punch out! Punch out!” Maverick shouted through the comms as he chased the rogue fighter jet down. Bob looked around at all the warnings flashing in his face, there was nothing left to save except themselves.
“Phoenix there’s warning lights everywhere, we’re in hydraulic failure!” All Bob prayed for in those terrifying moments as his colleagues watched on in pure shock horror from the ground below was that he’d get a chance to tell you he loved you again.
He always told you that he’d come home, that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he wouldn’t. You knew better than to believe Government Property though, Bob knew you knew that there was always a chance. So he promised in the event of his untimely demise that he’d come back to you and wiggle your earlobe. To let you know he made it safe and sound. That you need not worry about him anymore.
You promised him the same thing, because working from home was just as terrifying as flying a multimillion dollar fighter jet.
“I can’t control it!” But as the ground grew closer and closer, Bob knew he wasn’t ready to die, he wasn’t ready to leave you behind and he certainly wasn’t ready to not meet his unborn child.
“We’re going down, Phoenix! We’re going in! We’re going in!” He wasn’t ready to wiggle your ear.
“You can’t save it! eject, eject!” Maverick shouted again, he was watching on like he’d been sucked into some kind of timeloop. He’d seen this happen before. Only he lost his best friend when to this day he thought it should have been him.
“Eject! Eject! Eject!” Were the last three words Bob heard escape from Phoenix’s mouth before he was reaching between his legs to pull at the emergency yellow and black striped handle that sent him flying out of the cockpit. He’d been taught how to handle a situation like this, they all had. Every single naval aviator currently on active duty had been taught what to do when they needed to eject.
But when Bob's head hit the top of the cockpit? He didn’t care for procedures and protocol and what he should or shouldn’t have done in the moment, all he cared about was you and holding on to whatever consciousness he had left as he tumbled through the sky at a rapid pace. Reaching for his parachute in just the nic of time.
Knowing if he hit the ground where the land had shook and cracked and rose till it spiked the sky that it wouldn’t have given a shit. It wouldn’t have been all that forgiving and it certainly wouldn’t have mourned his untimely demise.
So Bob faught until he hit the ground with a not so graceful thud, he hit the ground hard—with an almighty groan as his ribs popped and his head throbbed inside his helmet.
“Ahhh!” He gasped as he clutched at his stomach, forgetting how to breathe as the darkness of tunnel vision claimed its next victim. Unconsciousness overcoming its latest casualty:
Bob Floyd.
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
Bob had asked you once when you were wrapped up in his arms in the dead of the night, listening to the storm raging on outside if you knew anything at all about a Greek God called Chronos. When you had chuckled out a soft no as his lips trailed up your neck and his slightly calloused hands roamed your body like they knew every inch, Bob told you that he carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.
And while someone by the name of Pete Mitchell told you over the phone that your husband had been involved in a training accident….
Well—you felt as if you'd fallen straight into it.
You felt like you'd fallen into the cosmic existence between now and soon to come, plummeting into a realm where time didn’t exist and light didn’t reach. You tumbled into a parallel dimension where nothing made sense, nothing seemed tangible or real. You descended into a world where Bob Floyd wasn’t around.
“Your husband was involved in an accident during a training exercise this afternoon—“.
At the sound of Pete Maverick Mitchell’s voice explaining that there had been an accident on base during an exercise—you begun to crack, you started slipping further and further into the unknown because Bob had always said he’d never leave and if he did you’d feel him tugging on your earlobe to let you know he got there safe and sound.
There was no one tugging on your earlobe though, no soul that had passed on or ghostly figure watching over you. What there was though, was a radiating warmth between your legs. A wetness that shouldn't have been there.
Had your water just broken?
“Oh—oh god.” You gasped as you looked down, gripping the side of the kitchen island as you groaned out a prolonged, primal moan. You were in labour there was no doubt about it. “Ahh.”
“Mrs Floyd? Are you alright?” The voice on the other end of the line asked with a confused undertone as you watched the seconds tick past on the ongoing call.
“I uh—“ You tried to speak, tried to make sense of what you were hearing, what you were experiencing. Pain in every aspect both physically, emotionally and mentally. “I think my water just broke.”
“Oh—“ Maverick couldn’t suppress his shock nor could he disguise his sudden state of disbelief. “Oh okay, I’ll uh—I'll have an ambulance come by right away.” You replied with a sharp groan. Doubling over as you felt how hard your stomach had truly become. This was happening, everything was happening all at once and you had lost focus in the pain of both worrying about the state your husband was currently in and the fact your baby was on their way. “Mrs Floyd, someone will be there very soon, I’m gonna stay on the line with you until they arrive.”
“I need Bob—“ You’d begun to cry as you kneeled on the kitchen floor before you decided that sitting up against the cabinet with your legs outstretched felt a hell of a lot more comfortable. “I need my husband, I can't do this without him.” You felt warm tears streaming down your cheeks as your bottom lip quivered and another painful contraction rippled through your body. Every fibre of your being ignited in a fireball. “Ahhh—I won’t do this without my husband!”
On the other side of the phone call that had taken a rather drastic turn, Mav looked to Phoenix who was being wheeled into the awaiting ambulance on the tarmac. Bob was next, Pete didn’t have the heart to tell the Weapons Systems Officer that had just escaped death that his wife, who he hadn’t mentioned to a soul beside Phoenix, that his wife’s water had just broken.
“Phoenix, hey—“ Pete stopped the medics briefly, they looked at Pete like he was risking her life by wasting valuable time. But this was just as important. “What’s Bob's wife’s name?” Pete wanted to know so he could be a little more personal.
The truth was Natasha didn’t even know, she’d seen the picture of you in Bob's wallet that he’d shown her, but Bob had only ever called you by your nickname. Bob's beloved term of endearment.
Peach.
“He’s only ever called her Peach, I don’t even know her name.” Phoenix cried. She was still trying to process what had happened—she felt like the blame was all her own to bear. She’d damn near killed her back seater and she didn’t even know his wife’s real name or that you were pregnant. “I nearly killed him and I don’t even know his wife’s name—“
“Hey hey hey.” Mav tried to soothe the clearly shocked pilot. “It wasn’t your fault, it could’ve happened to anyone, Phoenix.” Mav smiled softly as he held the phone back to his ear, he was still yet to call Phoenix's emergency contact, her sister Lily. It wasn’t inherently Mavericks' job to call the emergency contacts listed in Bob and Phoenix’s files, but it was his duty, his responsibility.
He was going to as soon as he’d informed you, however, Pete wasn’t expecting this call to take the turn it had. “Peach, you there?”
There was no answer, Simply whimpers. When you’d doubled over in pain in the kitchen you’d left your phone on the island bench top. It was far too out of reach now as you sat trying to breathe through the latest contraction that bodied you.
“Peach—“ Mav started, but as he did so saw the medics wheeling Bob closer and closer to the ambulance waiting on the tarmac. He couldn’t say anything, not when Bob was still fighting to stay conscious. “Mrs Floyd, someone will be there as soon as they can, I promise.”
“Bbboooooobb—!” You cried out. “I can’t do this!” It was all too much for you to handle, the immense pressure, the anxiety, the fear of losing your husband. “I can’t fucking do this!” You never thought in your wildest dreams you’d have to do this alone. Bob always said he’d be right with you every single step of the way. And up until right now he had been.
“Someone’s coming Peach.” Maverick knew you couldn’t hear him, but he couldn’t bring himself to put the phone down. He looked at Bob being wheeled into the back of the ambulance on a stretcher, wondering if his decision to not say anything as of right now was a bad decision. He seemed to always be full of those.
“Someone’s coming—“
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
By the time Bob was brought back to the North Island Base Hospital, he was very aware that someone would need to call his emergency contact about what had happened. Someone was going to need to call you, he thought it would be best if he was the one who called.
With a throbbing headache and a few cuts and gashes, Bob let the nurses and doctors tend to his aid without much of a fight. He knew he needed the care, knew it was for the best if he just let everyone do their jobs. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon and if he put up a fight they would only keep him admitted for longer.
“You got a partner Robert? A wife or husband that we need to call?” Doctor Austin asked as he shined a light into Bob's eyes, watching carefully as he followed the light side to side.
“I have a wife–” Bob mumbled, his head hurt from when he’d hit the ground not so gracefully but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle as he sat up on the hospital bed with his legs hanging off the side. Phoenix was laying with an ice pack over her eyes on the other bed. “She’s um, she's pregnant, could go any day now.” Doctor Austin chuckled as he clicked his pen light off and placed it into his top pocket. Sending Bob an all knowing look.
“And you thought it was a good idea to fall outta the sky?” Bob's ribs hurt when he laughed softly, cupping at his side as he did so, laughing with the doctor who had cleared him and Natasha of any serious injury. “My good man, I can't say that's a good mix.” But there were still observations that needed to be made and a few more tests just to be sure. He wasn't out of the woods.
“Yeah I think you might be right doc—“ Bob smiled softly. “But can I be the one to call her? She’ll probably take the news a little better if she heard it from me.”
“I’ll see what I can do Lieutenant.” Doctor Austin nodded as he picked up his charts and headed out of the room, leaving Phoenix and Bob in the heavy silence of the aftermath of their near death experience.
“What’s her name?” Phoenix mumbled from behind the ice pack she kept over her eyes.
“Y/n—“ Bob replied softly as he played with the wedding band that was strung through his dog tags. “We’ve been together since high school.”
“Why do you call her Peach?”
“Because she’s as sweet as the peaches from the orchard my grandma used to own.” Bob couldn’t stop himself from bashfully blushing, a hume all consuming crept across the apples of his cheeks whenever he spoke about you. “We’re about to have a baby, the detachment was meant to be my last before I could access my paternity leave entitlements.”
“Rough last assignment—“ Phoenix chuckled as she shook her head in disbelief. Bob agreed silently, it was a rough last assignment. “You don’t talk about her an awful lot do you?”
“I would—“ Bob pressed his lips together. “Just no one really asked.” It was then that Phoenix realised that she didn’t know an awful lot about the man who had gone down with her. The man who sat behind her and had her back in the sky. Her WSO. “And I guess we’re not here for all that long anyway so I just kept her to myself, she’s a nice reminder that even after the rough days we’ve been having I get to go home, safe and in one piece to the woman I love.”
“Do you guys know what your having?” Phoenix didn't mean to pry, but she felt an overwhelming pressure to get to know the person she had been flying with since being requested for this detachment. Bob shook his head in response.
“Nah, we wanted to keep it a surprise.” Just as Bob was finishing his sentences Doctor Austin returned, his face looked all kinds of pale and worry was written in the deep lines across his forehead.
“Lieutenant Floyd it looks as if your wife was just admitted into the maternity ward—“ Bob's heart stopped beating inside his chest as he listened to Doctor Austin. “It appears that she was contacted earlier about your accident and the shock sent her into labour—“
“I uh—I need to see her.” Bob mumbled as he slid off the exam bed and nearly fell to the floor. His knees were so weak from the shock and adrenaline from the accident and now the realisation that he was about to be a first time dad. “I need to see my wife, where is she?”
“Lieutenant, I know this must be a stressful situation for you but I really advise against leaving until we’ve finished with your own test. We still need to get you in for—“
“I won’t miss the birth of my baby.” Bob shook his head in defiance. “No, I won’t leave her to do that alone, she needs me—I know she does because I know how scared she is about doing this alone.”
“Robert—“
“No no you have to listen to me. I can't let her do this alone because I’ve heard her cry about it in the middle of the night.” Phoenix's heart shattered into a million pieces as she watched Bob plead with the doctor and the nurses that had come in to try and subdue him. “She’s scared I won’t come back one day and today was almost that day and now she’s giving birth to our baby alone after I promised I’d be here for her—“
“We can’t let you go, it would be against all my medical advice.” Doctor Austin tried to explain. “I understand the difficulty of the situation Mr Floyd but your health and wellbeing is our number one priority.”
“But you have to let me!! That’s my wife! She needs me! Please—“ You needed your husband, things weren’t travelling all that well in the delivery room. You weren’t ready to have this baby—not if Bob wasn’t there with you. Not if Bob had left you behind, he was too young to die. He couldn’t leave you here by yourself to raise a baby, his baby, on your own. He promised he wouldn’t.
“Mrs Floyd, you are going to have this baby.”
“Aahhhhhh! I’m not doing this without my husband!” You groaned out. You were covered in sweat and crying your heart out as one of the labour and delivery nurses held your hand and placed a cool washcloth to your forehead. “I won’t have this baby without him, do you understand me!”
“Someone needs to contact her husband—“ Everyone from the King of England to the Hounds of Hell could hear you screaming. It had been a rather quiet day for the L&D department. Until the ambulance had brought you in.
“We can’t reach him, but I’ll try again.” One of the intern labour and delivery nurses replied as she rushed out of the room, she sprinted towards the nurses station in a hurry. So fast she almost went straight past it, she came to a halt with a flustered sigh.“I need you to try contacting Mr Floyd again, his wife won’t cooperate—she’s refusing to give birth to this baby without him.”
“She knows how having a baby works doesn’t she?” One of the older nurses sitting at the desk rolled her eyes. “That baby, no matter the circumstances, isn’t going to wait for anyone.”
“I’ll let the L&D ward know you’re here as a patient but that’s the best I can do at this stage Lieutenant, I can’t in good conscience let you leave this ward without having run through all the proper medical procedures to make sure you’re fit to return to work.” Doctor Austin wasn’t trying to be the bay guy, if anything he wanted nothing more than to send Bob on his way—but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing he didn’t do his job to the best of his ability. “My primary priority is you and Miss Trance here.”
“You don’t understand!” Bob ran his hands through his hair as his bottom lip quivered. He was holding back tears as he looked up to the ceiling—begging whatever God up there that saved him this morning to work just a little more magic. “She won’t have this baby without me, that was the deal—I needed to be there and now that I’m not—“
“She can’t not have the baby Robert.” Doctor Austin sighed, that was the moment Bob knew he needed out. He needed to get to you, he needed to be there by your side and whisper how beautiful and strong and amazing you are for being a whole person into this world. Because if there was one thing you were, it was strong willed, and you weren't going to have this baby without him. That was a promise. “I’ll go talk with L&D and I’ll be right back.”
“Tell my wife I’m here!” Bob shouted as Doctor Austin left the room, Bob felt like he couldn’t breathe. There was a pressure mounting inside his chest, like an elephant was perched upon his chest. “I’m—I’m here.” He broke. Tears streamed down his grazed cheeks as Phoenix hobbled over. She’d done a little damage to herself but nothing a little rest and recovery couldn’t fix.
They were lucky—oh so lucky.
“She's gonna be okay.” Natasha tried her best to comfort the Weapons System Officer she hardly knew, but Bob was long gone. He’d fallen deep into that hole, the one that the Greek God Chronos had created to separate this life from the next one. He was falling through a helpless paradox of anxiety and fear. You were about to give birth and he was going to miss it. As he crouched down as a whale of pain escaped his parted lips, Bob wished for nothing more than to reverse time.
Because if he could just simply reserve time then he wouldn’t have gone into work this morning. And none of this would be happening.
***~***~***~****~***~****~****~***
“Desmond, she’s not doing well, at all.” Lily, one of your delivery nurses, pleaded with Bob's doctor to just let him come to your aid. “She thinks he’s dead, something about an accident he was in this morning.”
“F-18 ejection, he hit the ground pretty hard.” Doctors Austin looked in at you on the bed, in the middle of active labour, fighting every urge you had to push. You weren’t having this baby, not without Bob, the love of your life, your best friend, your husband. “He’s fine, but he’s in for observation overnight and I’m still waiting for his result to come back from his MRI.”
“If she doesn’t see her husband soon she’s going to need an emergency c-section and I for one am not about to place a panicked mother to be under the knife unless it’s critical.” Lily was your voice of reason. You couldn’t plead with Doctor Austin to let your husband go yourself so she did it for you. “If your patient can walk, hold his wife’s hand while she delivers their child and can sign a waiver saying he waved all medical advice then send him down here before she loses this baby.”
“You L&D ladies think you know everything—“
“Just bring me her damn husband before it’s too late.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~**
Bob felt like he’d been condemned to some eternal hell, time froze as the walls of the hospital room he sat in with Phoenix grew closer and closer. He felt claustrophobic for the first time in a long time.
“How did the two of you meet?” Phoenix tried to keep Bob's mind from going to places too dark to fathom. He needed a distraction from the fact he was here with her and you were delivering his child. All alone.
“I was never good at history, she was my partner for this assessment we had in ancient history class once, everyone was doing their research on Pompeii but not Peach.” Bob chuckled to himself at the memory. “No she wanted to do Herculaneum and it turned out to be the only project I ever got an A on for that class.” You were just it for Bob. There was something special about your aura. Your ability to draw him close like a moth entranced by a flame. You took his breath away every time you told him you loved him.
Your love sent Bob's heart clear out of this world.
“We kinda just never left each other's side since then.” Bob explained as he sat against the wall on the floor with his elbows on his knees. “She’s always been so supportive of what I do even though I know it scares her more than anything to see me walk out that door every morning and she worries endlessly whenever I’m deployed.”
“Becoming she loves you.” Phoenix wished she knew a love like Bobs, but her time hadn’t come yet. Bob nodded along as he twirled his wedding band around his finger as it hung from his dog tags.
“Because she loves me.”
“Floyd—“ Doctor Austin made his presence known as he chucked Bob a blue hospital gown and cap. “Put those on, sign this form that says you're going against my professional medical advice and follow me, you’re needed in labour and delivery.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~
“Push! Y/n dear you need to push—!” Lily tried to persuade you to push when your next contraction hit but you were too far gone. You weren’t ready to be a mother, not without Bob there to be a father.
“No! No, I'm not having this baby!” It was the hardest thing to hear as Bob came racing down the hall, his entire body ached from bruises, his head felt heavy on his shoulders from his concussion. But he was okay, he was alive. “I’m not! I won’t! I can’t do this without him!” You cried out in pain as you fought the urge to push, you swore your teeth were about to crush under the force of you clenching. A scream so heartbreaking and primal ripped through you as your body began to betray you. You were fighting nature's course and it wasn’t going well.
“She needs to push—she’s losing too much blood.” One of the nurses stated as a matter of factly just as Bob made it to the door. He froze at the sight of you, how could you look so beautiful in so much pain? He thought he was going to pass out as he took steady, slow steps into the room.
“I’m here—“ Bob cooed as he came up to your beside. “I’m here Peach I’m here.”
“Bob?” You turned in a delirious state to where your husband's voice had come from. “No no I thought you—“
“I’m okay.” He smiled as he bent over to kiss your forehead and splay his hand on top of your head to push your hair away from your face. “I’m here, I told you I’d be here didn’t I?”
“I thought you died, I thought you were in an accident?” You could barely focus, you felt so light headed that the world felt like it was spinning. “I thought—“
“Hey, hey you need to push alright? You can push now baby because I’m here and I’m with you and I’m fine.” Bob reassured you as you sobbed and nodded as he kissed your lips softly and held your hand. “You’re so strong, you’re so brave, and I love you so much, please push mama.”
“This baby is coming whether you're ready or not Mrs Floyd so I’m gonna need you to focus so we can get this baby out.” Lily rounded the bed as she positioned herself between your legs. Bob felt you tighten your grip around his head and everything stopped. Time stood still, your screams were all but drowned out by the excitement and fear in Bob's heart.
“Yes, Y/n good job. I can see bubs head you’re doing so well! Oh your next contraction I need you to push until I tell you to stop.” Lily smiled as you let your head fall back against the bed.
“You’ve been telling me to push and now you don’t want me to push!?” You hissed. Bob couldn’t help but to chuckle. He was so amazed by your strength.
“Yep, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.” Lily chuckled. She knew you were close, barreling towards another contraction. She could see it. “Alright this is the one mama, big push for me and bubs will be here in no time.”
“Bob! It hurts! Make it stop!” You cried out, Bob wished he could take all your pain and experience it himself. He never wanted to see you in such a state, but your baby was coming, the baby you’d made together. You’d created together late one night or in the early hours of the morning he wasn’t too sure. But what he was sure of was that you could do this. “It hurts!!”
“Push Mrs Floyd!” Lily shouted.
“Come on peach push! push!” Bob willed you on as you did. You shouted and cried and squeezed your husband’s hand so hard he thought you were about to break his damn hand. But this was it. Your baby was coming.
“Okay okay the heads out stop!” Lily guided you as you let your head fall back against the bed in pure exhaustion. You were dehydrated, covered in sweat and ready to give up. “So I lied before, you’re gonna give me one smaller push to help bubs out Y/n and that it’s—you're done.”
“I can’t.”
“No peach you can.” Bob cooed. “You can because you’ve come this far.”
“I’m not even sure if you're here or not.” You sobbed as you reached out to caress Bob's cheek. “I’m not even sure if you're here with me or if I’m seeing things.”
“I’m here, I’m real.” Bob whispered in your ear. “And we’re having our baby Peach, just one more little push and it’s gonna be you and me and our little one against the world.” You nodded softly and you shut your eyes and groaned. “You can do it.”
“Alright let’s have this baby! One more small push!” Lily announced as another contraction tour through your exhausted body.
“Ahhhhhh!!” You shouted and Bob swore you bust his eardrum, but it was a small sacrifice as the cries of the world’s newest human echoed off the walls.
“Congratulations Mr and Mrs Floyd you have a little baby girl.” Lily handed you your daughter the second she was born. Placing her on your chest within seconds of her arrival.
“Oh Peach, she's so beautiful.” Bob cried as tears streamed down his cheeks. He swore he’d never be able to love someone more than he loved you. But as you held your newborn daughter on your chest he kinda thought he’d been wrong. He could love someone just as much as he loved you. Your daughter.
“She's perfect, hi b-baby.” Your voice was all but a whisper as your head lulled to the side. You felt dizzy, lightheaded as your daughters cried softened. “I love you.”
“Y/n? Sweetheart are you alright?” You didn’t reply but you looked up at your husband with a dazed expression, a tunnel had begun to form, edges of a dark black hole crept its way into your mind.
Chronos hole—the one between this world and the next.
“Peach?” Alarms rang out as Lily removed your crying newborn just minutes earth side from your chest as your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “No no no no what’s wrong what’s happening to her?” Bob asked as he tapped your cheek softly. “Hey, Peach, no stay with me, stay with me.”
“Her blood pressure is dropping, she’s haemorrhaging.” Lily explained as she and a bunch of other nurses worked around you. “We need to get her into surgery, Mr Floyd.”
“Sir, step back—“ An older nurse asked as she placed a hand on Bob's shoulder. He did as he watched Lily take a sample of your blood.
“I’ll head directly to the lab to drop off the sample.”
“Just make sure her surgeon has o-negative on the ready.” The only nurse replied as Bob stood there, watching as they wheeled you out on the same bed you'd just given birth in. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, he didn't get a chance to tell you how much he loved you.
“Uh, do I go with her or?” Bob didn’t know what to do, his whole world had been turned upside down and on its head already today, and again it had just flipped once more. There was one nurse left, he didn’t know her name, but she smiled politely at him.
“No, you should stay here with your daughter, she needs her daddy now.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
First there was a storm of carbon and molten rock which begat granite and soil. Then, the land shook and it cracked and it rose till it spiked the sky. Forest grew and died and grew a hundred times again. And then people grew and died and grew and died a hundred times again. There were storms and seasons and fences and blood. Wonder and vengeance and a whole lot of regret….
And through every grievance, every war, the land and the sky didn't give two shits about any of it. Bob Floyd knew that as he sat with his newborn daughter in the maternity room of the Miramar Base Hospital designed by man, for man to help other men with westernised medical procedures and treatments…
That it wouldn't give two shits about you either.
“Hey..” A gruff voice came from the doorway, it took Bob all his light and all his remaining energy to look up from his daughter. The light and life of you. “I uh, I just thought I’d come check in on you and Phoenix.” Mav crossed his arms over his chest as he moved into the room. “How’s your wife doing?”
“I don’t know.” Bob explained as he rocked his little girl, skin to skin was important so he’d stripped off what he could. “She’s still in surgery.” Pete could see the worry written in the lines of Bob's face. But the little girl who cried against his shoulder had him mesmerised. “Sorry darlin, I got you, daddy’s here.”
“She’s a little beauty isn’t she?” Mav sat down beside the WSO who’d had a longer day then most. “You get a chance to name her yet? Before—?” Mav didn’t have to say before you went into shock. Your body had been through a lot and the nurses believed if you hadn’t held on so long, held back against what your body was telling you it needed to do then there was a possibility that it could have been a rather smooth delivery. Bob took that personally, the only reason you were holding back was because he wasn't here for you when you needed him the most.
“No, but we’ll name her after, for now she’s baby Peach.”
“Your wife’s nickname.” Mav replied softly as he looked up. He knew then and there what was about to happen.
Bob knew there was a Doctor standing in the doorway. He didn’t dare look up. He knew if he looked up he’d be told the worst news of his life.
Bob remembered that had asked you once when you were wrapped up in his arms in the dead of the night, listening to the storm raging on outside if you knew anything at all about a Greek God called Chronos. He remembered that you had chuckled out a soft no as he trailed his lips up your neck. Bob told you that he carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.
And while a Doctor by the name of Henry Nardella told him that you didn’t make it through the surgery, that you'd left him and your daughter behind, in a world where nothing made sense without you in it.
Well—Robert Floyd felt as if he’d fallen straight into it.
“No, please don't leave me here.” Bob felt like he’d fallen into the cosmic existence between now and soon to come, plummeting into a realm where time didn’t exist and light didn’t reach. He felt like he had tumbled into a parallel dimension where nothing made sense, nothing seemed tangible or real. He’d descended into a world where you weren't around. “No Peach, no.”
But at the touch of his earlobe, a slight pressure formed at the lobe. So warm and comforting. Bob knew as your baby girl settled in against his chest at the lub dub of his heart beating for you–he knew you were safe on the other side.
Because you had tugged on his earlobe, just like you promised you would.
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
#bob floyd#bob floyd imagine#bob top gun#bob floyd fic#bob x reader#bob floyd x reader#robert floyd x reader#robert 'bob' floyd#robert bob floyd x reader#bob floyd x y/n#bob floyd angst
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⋆꙳✧༄ Breaking up with them
❖ Characters: various blue lock characters
❖ Reader: genderneutral
❖ Summary: Just small Drabbles based on songs about how you guys broke up and why
❖ WARNINGS: heartbreak, mentions of cheating at the first one
❖ A/n: don’t want to miss a post? Sign up for my Taglist in my Navi! | thank you @i-am-tiny-sun for helping me choose between songs!
It came out of nowhere, the both of you having a rather beautiful relationship, one that makes others jealous but the moment the words slipped past his lips your whole world crumbled. He cheated in a drunken haze at a party- a party you attended as well. He tried blaming it on the alcohol in his system and that it doesn't count because it didn't mean a single thing but to you it was clear, things would never be the same and you can't stay with him much longer after this. What if this wasn't a one time thing? It wasn't the first time he disappeared during those parties after all.
"We could blame it on our hands, they lifted the drink to our mouths so we drank it. Or we could blame it on our bodies - they say we like the way we feel when we get touched”
➸ Ryusei Shido, Oliver Aiku, Akira Endoji, Ryosuke Kira
Every time he came over, he never stayed the night and he made it clear from the very beginning that there won't be any feelings involved. Of course you agreed but somewhere after all the times you fell asleep in his arms you realized that this meant something to you, even though it shouldn't. His kisses linger on your skin but the warmth his body provided, doesn't linger much longer than the night lasts and is gone by the time the rays of sunshine flood your room. So one day without another word you blocked him and never opened the door, even when he showed up and begged to talk to you, his heart broken over not being with you anymore.
“Said I wouldn’t care if you walked away but every time you're there, I'm begging you to stay. Only love can hurt like this, your kisses burn into my skin”
➸ Rin Itoshi, Michael Kaiser, Shoei Barou, Gin Gagamaru, Okuhito Iemon, Aryu Jyubei
Things were always so right but yet so wrong. The lack of time, the lack of touches, the lack of your partner being committed to the relationship. You knew you two belong together since it was always you against the world but the world slowly started to defeat the two of you. Days turned into weeks and none of you had the power to change anything, helplessly watching from the sidelines as your relationship slipped away like sand through your hands - slowly but inevitable. He might be your perfect match but it's just not the time for the both of you to be happy with each other so you decided to break things off… maybe in the future things will work better for you.
“When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. But if you loved me, why’d you leave me?”
➸ Sae Itoshi, Yoichi Isagi, Reo Mikage, Rensuke Kunigami, Noel Noa
The relationship was straight out of a fairytale, flowers every friday, a kiss on the forehead in the morning and at night, a shared bond without words - something people would call eternal love. He made you feel like you're the most important person to exist, like you two could tear down everything that comes into your way. The nights you two spent inside, giggling about your future, thinking about how you'll name the kids and pets, designing your own little house - everything forgotten in the split of a second when he told you it's never been real to him, he just needed someone to warm his bed and you were perfect, too naive to see through all of his sweet talking.
“I don't want to waste away another cell on a memory when you're just another meaningless lover. Forget the nights we spent laughing ‘til the morning on your bedroom floor”
➸ Jingo Raichi, Jinpachi Ego, Alexis Ness, Wataru Kuon
Things were never perfect, but what relationship is perfect? Truth is that you both loved each other unconditionally, yes. You loved. It's the past. Date nights started becoming less and so did the mutual interest to spend time together, be it inside or going out together. It was as if you two just coexisted within each others spaces, the “good night, I love you” turned into “good night, love ya” and finally into “good night” and that's when it hit the both of you - there was a time where you loved each other but that time is long gone. The only right thing to do now is to let each other free, allowing the other to find love elsewhere and it was okay. You still valued what you once had.
“Let's just forget the things said and the autumn night when we realized we were falling out of love. So let's just pretend everything and anything between you and me was never meant to be”
➸ Gurimu Igarashi, Seishiro Nagi, Meguru Bachira, Hyoma Chigiri, Ikki Niko, Tsurugi Zantetsu
Network: @tokyometronetwork
#blue lock x reader#bluelock x reader#blue lock angst#shidou x reader#shidou angst#kaiser x reader#oliver aiku x reader#nagi x reader#rin itoshi x reader#bachira x reader#sae itoshi x reader#chigiri x reader#barou x reader#aryu x reader#isagi x reader#reo mikage x reader#kunigami x reader#ego x reader#gagamaru x reader#ness x reader
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You know... Thank You and Goodnight really forced me to realize that the Hazbin I fell in love with and was so excited for died when the pilot cast we're dropped. They cared so much about the characters and the show, and they gave it life, only to be dumped without a second glance as soon as Viv could afford her popular Broadway cast.
The show we got isn't Hazbin.
It's not show that I rewatched the pilot for over and over till I could quote every Angel Dust line. It's not the show that had me singing Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow to the best of my abilities while I went on a walk. Its not the show that made me stay up late watching Hunicast, just to hear the characters I adored say funny things and talk about the show and the story. All it is, is the show that made me realize the person I looked up to throughout middle school and high school is an aweful person who doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself and her reputation.
The show we loved is dead. And it's never coming back.
I know exactly how you feel. That show's gone, gone so that Vivzie could have her rich girl Broadway cast, and because she didn't like Ashley. That's why we're not watching them on Amazon Prime right now, cheering them on for how far they made it.
Because Viv did this to them.
The cost of experiencing something as special as the Hazbin pilot, of loving it, is having to live with what happened to it.
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my “theory”/point of view about Blitzø and his feelings
Recently, I made a post with some drawn panels where I kinda give my opinion about what the fuck is going on inside blitzø’s head. Yet, I still felt like posting the entire thing and explain it with more details. Not sure if this is qualified as a theory (since I feel like it’s too obvious/just a headcanon) but it’s still a speculation. No need to read this if you don't care, I just want to post it somewhere :]
FIRST THINGS FIRST! I know Stolitz is made to be canon. And I know, at one point, it's expected that Blitzø will confess his feelings and all of that. Everyone knows that soon he will realize he may not dislike Stolas at all and find out he, actually, is in love.
this will be a post trying to prove that this is not entirely true. Blitzø already knows that he is in love with Stolas and that he dug himself a grave from the start of their relationship. I'll be trying to prove that, in every episode, he is trying to supress these feelings to himself and the others around him, and even perhaps fell in love in the very beginning, way before Stolas fell for him.
About his personality, we know Blitzø always try to act kinda tough when it comes to himself, but with the ones he loves, he never hesited to show how much he cares and appreciates them, even going out of his way to protect them at all costs. And he does that since he was little. As shown in S2E1 - The Circus, he tries to act unbothered and confident with the lack of entushiasm from the audience, but follows every single one of his father's orders, even when he is not okay at all with the idea, to rob the Goetia castle, just so he can help his mom out.
Still in The Circus, we can pretty much assume his relationship with his father isn't very good from what we've been shown. On the flashback we get in S2E6 - OOPS, we can see Cash giving Fizzarolli a gift card with the phrase "Wish You Were My Son". Blitzø also lived being reminded, everytime he needed to perfom, of the fact he was far to be the circus favorite, never getting the crowd's love and applauses. Even so his dad did not care at all if he was going to be there to perform or not when Paimon asked to get him to spend time with Stolas on his birthday. All of this can give us the idea that he grew up to be insecure about himself, his self-worth and feeling love starved. that's when Fizzarolli enter the scene.
Fizzarolli was his first love. They were best friends since they were little kids and always got along very well. Even though, it's safe to assume Blitzø was, somewhat, jealous from all the love and attention Fizz got from the audience. making him carry a hidden envy. However, he never failed to be supportive of Fizz. praising him, trying to boost his confidence, giving him support, etc. Being there for the ones he loves, despite of how he feels is just how he is. But, still, this envy was growing inside of him since he was a child. Reinforcing the feeling of being unworthy and inferior compared to others. It wasn't just about wanting to be loved by the spectators, but it turned into a feeling of "everyone loves him and everyone hates me. I'm inferior"
and that is something pretty evident on his character. He always thought that he was inferior to Fizz and that he probably didn't deserve him. that his best friend needed someone better. I guess they've already made out a few times but it never went beyond that (since in S2E6 - OOPS, Blitzø mentions something about having tied up Fizzarolli several times before), yet, it was still stuck with him. That's what held him back and made him change his mind about giving the love letter to Fizz's on his birthday.
After that, we all know what happened. The incident took place and he lost all the most important people in his life. His mother died, his sister now hates him and Fizz got severely injured, besides "not wanting to talk to him again". With all the past trauma worsen, now he got a new one: abandonment issues.
Also, there was a time he dated Verosika, but she claims that she was the only one putting effort in the relationship, and now she despises him as well. Blitzø was probably still very affected by everything and was afraid of being envolved with someone and being abandoned again. Verosika was also a pop star, maybe making Blitzø feel like the inferior one again (but I imagine Verosika wasn't such a perfect girlfriend either).
With the passing of time, Blitzø started looking for help, got (slightly) better and created his own business. He adopted Loona, met Millie and then Moxxie. We can see he considers them as his found family. He is grateful for them (even if he doesn't verbalize it) and never fails to show how he is affectionate, even being a little invasive and annoying. It only shows more and more that he's a very sensitive and loving person. Always trying his best to protect, prioritize and take care of his new "family". He can go and insult Moxxie as much as he wants, scream at them, invade their personal lives, but, on the end of the day, he can't help but show how he feels towards people who are dear to him. So much so, it's even hard sometimes to hide it.
With all that in mind, now we can finally talk about how he feels about Stolas and why I think what I think.
Starting with the day he went to take the Grimoire from Stolas. His plan was to use spells to create portals to the living realm so he could get on his business with humans instead of demons. He was going to trick the prince and then get away with the book. Until Stolas let out how much he crave for that kind of passion and how much it means to him that the one that is making this happen is his only ever friend.
As i said before, Blitzø is a sensitive guy, So when the royal boy reveals all of that emotional stuff, Blitzø ends up feeling a bit of empathy and give in, telling himself that this is going to be quick.
In the end, he liked it way more than he expected and spent the whole night with the prince, only leaving by the morning. And in that night, he felt something he never felt before. Maybe it was a deep connection or maybe they were a really good casual match, it does not really matter. What matters is that he felt something really strong.
He secretly enjoyed it everytime and tried to convince himself it was just business and wasn't attracted to Stolas whatsoever. He feels more like himself and "free" when by his presence, as later implied in Truth Seekers, yet he does not want to get this feeling ahold of him. But he is still love-starved and so very emotional, of course this is going to dominate him whole as he spends more and more time with Stolas. And it eventually hits him hard.
Now, in S1E6 - Truth Seekers, we get a glimpse of Blitzø 's mind. Seeing how messed up his head is. He sees himself as a dirty clown, still tied up with memories about his past at the circus. He's tormented by everyone who is/have been related to him in some way, and his surroundings keeps getting messier and crazier as this goes on. It also address his trauma of being abandoned and left behind, as well as we get to know he does not really knows what he's doing half of the time. It all takes another turn when Stolas appears. Suddenly, things are not messed up and haunting him anymore. His appearence goes from the circus clown to his currently form, the form after he got his shit together once again and is trying to make a new turn in his life. He is wearing his work clothes and is not dirty.
Stolas is sitting in a throne at the top of a golden staircase, looking at him like he's just a plaything, representing how Blitzø feels inferior compared to Stolas (just like he felt with Fizzarolli). Then, he gets handcuffed of his wrists and neck, which Stolas is pulling by the chains. In the end, Blitzø make a expression like he is trying to endure something. Maybe the feeling that he likes Stolas, but can't do anything about that, since they are just business fuckbuddies and have to accept thing the way they are? Besides him being a inferior imp and a prince would never take him romantically? i dunno :P
In my opinion, this shows how Blitzø sees the world before and after Stolas, how he feels like a new person and in his bestform when he's with him. nothing feels messed up anmore and he is, in a way, safe from what's tormenting him. However, this also shows how Blitzø believes this is all one-sided and he is being stupid for falling in Stolas game, that he clearly is just a toy and this feeling shouldn't get ahead of him. He is just an imp and is the only one who can be easily hurt. He should've known better than this. Stolas is a Goetia. Above overlords, he is unattainable.
Still in the same episode, before they are saved by Stolas, Blitzø get in front of his "family" to protect them. As stated before, he gives everything to protect who he loves and I imagine how out of his mind he would be if he couldn't be there to save them. This will come in handy later.
When he comes to rescue him and his employees, he is surprised and admired about all of that. Thinking how amazing the prince is, reinforcing the image of a untouchable and powerful he has of the prince.
On S1E7 - Ozzie's, at the ending of the episode, while he is deeply hurt, Blitzø starts pointing fingers and makes it clear that their relationship is just about sex, and then, he says:
What gets me is that he doesn't say "it's about ME fucking YOU", he says "it's about YOU WANTING ME to fuck YOU", throwing all the situationship's wheight on Stolas side. Again, Blitzø thoughts Stolas only sees him as a sex toy and the emotional part is only Blitzø-sided. He is in love with Stolas already and reminding himself (and Stolas) what their relationship really is only hurts him more. He feels used and feels like at any time will be thrown away, that's why he tries his best to deny what he feels.
Then we have the picture on his phone. I don't think this is the latest pic on his gallery, I just think he had opened it before to find a random picture and came across this one. It might've got him right in the guts and he forgot to close the app.
We are now on S2E4 - Western Energy, where Stolas get kidnaped and Blitzø can't be there to save him, since he needs to take care of his daughter first. When he realizes Stolas, someone already dear to him, even if it's is a secret, really is in danger and there's nothing he can do about, he loses it. His behavior/expression is very similar to the ones he had in Truth Seekers.
In the end of the episode, he realizes Stolas maybe is not that unattainable as he thought so before.
Finally, in S2E6 - OOPS, when he and Fizzarolli are stuck together, they start arguing until the subject lands on Stolas. Blitzø seems, again, to be visually upset reminding him and others that he and Stolas has nothing beyong business and casual encounters and that royal demons are far above dating imps like him or Fizz.
He claims Stolas is only thrilled by the sex with a peasant, he trully believes all of the love and attention he is gave is merely manipulation. Even if he would like to believe otherwise, he can't risk being hurt and left behind because of a dumb choice. He would also be putting his job at risk with that. He tries to deny it to everyone, even to himself. Treating Stolas coldly or giving him the "I don't care" treatment would be a defense mechanism as well. harsh and kinda stupid, but that's just Blitzø.
He just doesn't wants to feel hurt and left in the cold again, so he just accepts his relationship with Stolas the way it is, but he also knows he was stupid for falling for him, all because the prince's sweet behavior is all just a fabricated "lie". If he decides speaks up, he fears he will be abandoned again. And even so, laughed at for falling in love when it's just "a silly roleplay". He wants to just throw this feeling away, but he can't help but feels what he feels.
This is it! I may or may not have made any sense. Sorry for any grammar mistakes or if it looked like my brain melted in the middle of the paragraph. perhaps I'll just save this in drafts just so I can have it written down without having to show it to anyone. If you read it 'till this point, please feel free to tell me what you think or whatever :}
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Aching Touch
Bf Sunghoon x F. Reader (smut)
summary: character has been out doing something for a couple of months and as soon as he sees the reader again he is brought with joy and wanting more. (touch starved)
warnings: smut, touch starved (m), mention of nudes, unprotected sex, nicknames, switch Sunghoon, not proof read, Jake gets hard to reader
Going on a trip with your family was the most funnest thing you have done in a while, actually spending time with your family and not being attached ot Sunghoon’s side 24/7 was nice. Don’t get me wrong you both loved each other very much and made it known in various ways but sometimes you both need a break from each other. But this break was too long, a month.
A month without seeing you boyfriend was very hard and painful the bed always felt empty you had a hard time falling asleep as he would usually talk about his day and rub your back till you fell asleep, along with you couldn't wear any of his clothes and during the winter in New York was the coldest you think you have ever been, your family visited New York very rarely they usually always invited you but most of the time you were busy but this time you arranges everything so that way you would be able to go this year.
You always texted Sunghoon everyday along with sometimes a facetime or call, one time you were at the bar with your cousin and Sunghoon had called you as you were ordering your drink, you could barely hear a word he was saying so you stepped aside by the bathrooms, talking about each other's day moans and groans were heard from the bathrooms not even a minute later a drunken couple comes out of the bathroom all giggly and stumbling over each step they take, rolling your eyes you continued talking with him on the phone.
Damn, you missed the way he would fuck you.
Another time when you were on the phone with him he was playing a video game and complaining how Jake and Niki were teaming up on him and killing him, you could hear him whining from being killed behind the screen. He then started breathing heavily and he would gasp every so lightly into the speaker of the phone, which would proceed to him screaming on how he died, you missed the way he would sound like that while fucking you.
You were wondering if you were the only one thinking of these things about your boyfriend. You knew you were not because your boyfriend was the king of neediness, he would whine when you didn't give him attention, beg you to make him food for him, and others. He would always get treated like a princess.
Today you had facetimed him as soon as you got out of the shower your hair was still soaking wet but this would be the only time you would be able to call him as your schedule for today was packed and you were getting ready so i thought, why not call my boyfriend while i'm doing everything instead of just listening to music.
Seeing the screen say connecting you were not expecting to see him undoing his belt and to be met with his dick being very prominent through his jeans, being so taken aback you just stared at the camera not saying anything meanwhile your boyfriend was loving the reaction you were giving him. He thought if you missed him so much he had to give you a reason to make you change your mind and book a flight back to Korea to see him now.
Sunghoon’s POV:
Staring at pictures of my girlfriend isn't doing much for me, I miss her so much I kept trying to entertain myself with things around the dorm and play video games against the members even though everything I ended up losing was a good distraction to keep my mind off of Y/n.
Everytime she called or I called her it just made me miss her even more. This month has felt like hell the next time she tries to leave me for some trip for this long. I'm either going with her or she's not going because I even know that she hates this as well.
The only things i could think about was her and her body…
her lips…
her touch…
her pussy.
Laying my head on my pillow I fan my fingers through my hair as my cock twitched against my pants from anticipation of her touching me, ever since she left, I haven’t been able to cum. My hand just doesn’t compare to her touch anymore, and she knows that.
Like just last week I was at practice with the members when I got a text, hearing the personalized ringtone I knew it was Y/n. Pausing what I was doing and going to my phone, Jake wanted for me to say ‘hi’ to her as well as he came to my bag with me. Grabbing my phone saw that she sent a picture opening it from the lock screen I was looking at a video of her touching herself, Jake still looking at my shoulder pissed me off because he was looking at what was mine not to mention him clearly enjoying watching it too.
His eyes were wide turning to the side to see him he had a raging boner through his sweatpants, “I’m sorry Hoon, i didn’t know you guys were doing that and i just don’t want you to think-” he rabbled trying to explain himself I just looked that him and told him, “Jake it’s ok it wasn’t your fault i didn’t even know she was going to send me something like that.” His gaze softened as he knew he wasn’t going to be in trouble with me. I knew it was either of our faults as we had no idea that was going to meet with our gaze.
Putting my phone back in my bag I hoped that nobody would pay attention to the hard state i was in, Jake on the other hand ended up going to the bathrooms. I knew nothing would happen even if i tried so I just didn’t bother till in the middle of dancing to ‘Still Monster’ and my cock kept pulsing through my sweats, I had to excuse myself grabbing my phone and swiftly walked towards the bathrooms.
I pulled my sweatpants just low enough for my dick to shoot right up twitching from the cold air hitting it, I just looked at it wondering if I should even try to do something, till i was pulled out of my thoughts as it twitched slapping against my lower stomach. Slowly wrapping my dominant hand around it, wincing from the sudden sensation I pulled out my phone and pulled up the messages with Y/n.
Putting my phone back in my sweatpants pocket i looked at it annoyed, nothing I do is going to work. Walking out of the stall and going back into the practice room grabbing my bag telling the members that I didn’t feel well and was heading back to the dorms.
The dorms and the practice room were not that far as walking would be easier than getting a car to drive me there would be more work than needed, grabbing my sweatshirt I put it on, opening the door and heading out of hype’s building the whole walk I could keep my mind off of Y/n’s pussy and her body. She usually drives me crazy a lot but not this much being this far from her. I couldn't help it though, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. I picked it up while looking at the lock screen.
Taking my shoes off at the door at our dorms I headed to my dorm room, walking through the empty halls the ache between my legs had gotten worse from the anticipation as I knew Y/n was not that far away. My heart started to beat faster by the minute just like how it did the first time that i had ever laid my eyes on her and just like the first time me and her ever had sex.
I lowered my pants down past my groan and started to run my finger along the tip spreading around the pre cum that was leaking from the tip.
3rd person POV:
Stepping out of the car as the driver had opened up the trunk for you to get your things he had helped you and brought them to the door, taking out your wallet you paid him then proceeded to enter your boyfriend’s dorm building. Taking off your shoes at the door and placing them next to his, the only pear of shoes there was his along with the members slippers that some of them would wear around the house.
Placing your purse on the counter you heard as agitated groan coming from down the hall to where your boyfriend’s room is, bringing your suitcase right behind you slowly opening the door just a crack you see your boyfriend with his plants just below his dick as his fingers ran across the veins. Clearing your throat a bit so that he notices that you were standing before him which made him look up with pleading eyes and stare at you as you walked over to him his arms opening up waiting for you to complete his hug.
He pulled you onto the bed with him laying on top of him as he rolled more towards the other side pulling you into his lap, you feel his hard dick rubbing up against your pussy. You couldn’t get enough of the stimulation as you continued to grind on him harder than before earning a shaky breath come from his mouth turning away from your face trying to see what you were doing.
He started to squirm underneath you but couldn’t keep his hands off of you at the same time, he wanted you so bad he couldn’t take it anymore. Leaving a train of kisses along your collarbone along with on your neck as well which resulted in him leaving a hickey just a centimeter away from you necklace that he had given you on your anniversary.
His hands made their way down to your ass as he ran his fingers along making shapes while his other hand made its way to your waistband of your skirt, he grabbed your cheeks with one hand and made you look at him in the eyes just before he placed his lips onto yours you could feel his desperation lingering on his lips. His fingers grazed along on your hair one of his fingers pushing your hair that had been covering your face to the side and putting it behind your ear proceeding to place his hand cupping your cheek.
Your hands made their way in between the two of you as you started to jerk him off and rubbing his tip along your clit, earning a moan from you both, his free hand moved from resting on you ass down to your panties sliding them over to the side and entering his middle finger into you. A moan escaped your mouth which gave him the chance to slide his tongue into your mouth as the fight for dominance was gone, he whispered sweet encouraging words into your ears the desperation and need was heard in every word he spoke.
“Please Y/n, been needing you so bad.” He mumbled as his mouth was occupied by already kissing your neck, “Do what you want to me.” you didn’t have to tell him twice his eyes widen at your choice of vulgar words. He moved your hand that was on his dick and moved it to placing it on his arm, he wrapped his hand around his cock and placed the tip directly at your entrance he looked up at you meeting your gaze. It was his way of asking for permission, you nodded your head already knowing what he was meaning but without speaking a word to one another.
Slowly entering you he huffed out slightly as his breath started to become more jagged, the lower you sank down on his cock the more impatient he became. His hips started to fuck up into you hitting all of the rights spots, his hands rested on you hips moving you up and down on him. Whines were heard which lightly fell from his lips his head was thrown back onto the pillow meanwhile his eyes were rolled back, his hands moving up to your boobs then moving back down to your waist then back then to your hips and occasionally would move down to your clit.
His hips kept shuttering while getting more sloppy and aggressive words of encouragement tickled your ears as they fell from his lips his lips trailing kisses and hickeys along your neck, “Baby i don’t know how much longer i can take, you feel so good.” He looked at you with doe eyes, “Let it out baby.” he looked displeased “But what about you?” “What about me?” he kissed your cheek and replied saying “You didn’t get to cum yet though.” you giggled “It wasn’t about me though i just wanted to make you feel good, baby.” “But what about-” you cut him off by kissing him on the lips to stop him from talking, “I’m fine Hoonie.” “Then next time it’s all about you.” you nodded speeding up your pace as his thrusts became more powerful and stronger.
“I’m gonna- gon-” his words fell from his lips as his teeth chattered from the powerful sensation. The next thing you know his load was shooting up into you as his moans sounded like music to your ears, your favorite moans he would make was when he came. “Enjoy yourself?” “With you? Always.” He kissed your temple and pushed you back into the bed by his side putting himself back into his pants and cleaning you up, as he came back from the bathroom he grabbed you a blanket as you both fell asleep in each others arms.
#smut#fluff#enhypen#enhypen smut#sunghoon smut#sunghoon#enha x reader#jungwon smut#jay smut#sunoo smut#jake smut#heeseung smut
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Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 4.3
Oof! Got him!
“She loves you and he loves him and they love each other”. You know when you've got something to say but you don't want it to look like you really wanted to say it specifically so you throw it in between two other things? No? Just me and John?
I'm obsessed with John just heaping praise on Paul in this interview. Every song the interviewer brings up it's “best” “my favorite” “all Paul” “good piece of work” “somewhere I have the tape of him doing it” “damn good” “one of his masterpieces” See also: Paul’s a good lyricist, he just doesn't try because he's insecure. And: one of the most innovative bass players of all time.
John mixing up In My Life and If I Fell “although I don't know why I'm confusing them, they're nothing alike but they have the same–” The same what? Same target? Same muse? Hmm? “It's really about–it's not about Cyn.” He's barely hanging on to not saying it here, like, by a gossamer thread.
John confessing that the consistent character flaw of Paul's which hurt him ((hurt. Not annoyed. Not angered. Hurt.)) was insensitivity. Not bossiness or lameness or sneakiness. Insensitivity. What John couldn't handle in the end about Paul was that he wasn't aware enough of John's tender feelings.
He's also so cruel in this interview. And what you've got to pay attention to is the theme connecting the songs he's cruel about: Let It Be (let John go) and The Long and Winding Road (the long and pointless fight).
The Japanese Monk comparison doesn't quite land for me because it implies that John purposely broke up the Beatles because he knew they were at a peak and he wanted them to stay gold. And I think that's what John would like the story to be. It makes him feel better inside. It makes him look incredibly wise and courageous. But it's clear – John even stated it himself more than once on record – that the breakup was not purposeful or calculated. It was a terrible accident that nobody wanted, least of all John.
More quotes to live by when examining John's post breakup “ow!”
I find it fascinating that John thought of Paul's and Dylan's lyrics as very similar and says so twice in this documentary. But nobody else ever draws that comparison. In mainstream thought, Bob Dylan is one of the greatest lyricists of all time if not the greatest (it's me. I'm mainstream. Subterranean Homesick Blues my absolute beloved.) and Paul is the worst lyricist to ever get successful. And you know what? I think Paul gets punished for being physically pretty and financially savvy, and I think in the exact same way his music gets punished for being melodically pretty and commercially successful.
John about Paul's inscrutable messages in his songs: if one knows the person, one knows what's coming down. John in I Know (I Know): and I know. What's coming down.
I will always love how he says in the same breath . . . “I've compared it to a marriage a million times" and "Paul and I were together.”
You really do gotta be like “Johns say the darndest things sometimes.” I mean that's what Paul did, right? Because genuinely most of the time he's a fucking sweetheart. After he's sat there defending Paul's insane mourning bus movie, the interviewer asks him to compare himself and Paul. And after saying there's never been a question about commerciality, he says this.
Nobody think about Paul writing “One of These Days” just before John's death then “This One” a decade later. Don't do it. I do recommend.
Free as a Bird is such a beautiful song. It's a gorgeous melody, and it's got such complex emotions. He's still mourning something that was lost, but he's hopeful. He's on his way home.
You all know that long distance interview Paul did right before John died where they bring up some of the awful things John said recently about him (ignoring the millions of loving and admiring things). When Paul's voice cracks and he looks up at the ceiling and struggles for a minute and the lights go out, I have a theory that it's one of their kids being protective. She was messing with the lights before to be silly and then when the bad question comes she turns them off again as a sort of protective sabotage.
What If though? What If that's true?
Quote of all time!!! “The person I actually picked as my partner, who I recognized has talent and who I could get on with, was Paul.” He doesn't say ‘as my sidekick’ or ‘running mate’ or ‘captain’s mate’ or ‘second string’ or any of those things that traditional Beatles fans tend to push on them. Partner.
Serious question, because I swing all over the place as to what I think actually happened between John and Paul physically and emotionally. If we agree that Real Love is about Paul (a baby and another on the way lalalalalala farm . . . Just call him on the phone) Then what about this lyric? “Was I just dreaming (a word of theirs and something they thought they shared) or was it only Yesterday (Paul's biggest song) I used to hold you in my arms? Is that to be taken literally? John used to hold Paul in his arms? i.e. frequent hugging and cuddling?
The heart monitor cuts so harshly into John singing “Grow Old With Me.” As we see beautiful images of John and all the people he's leaving behind. I'm dry heaving. This documentary is so much more painful this time around than the first.
Anyway I'm glad we got coverage of all the “for Paul” songs. Which. Btw fuck you Sean and Peter. You proved absolutely nothing.
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★★★𝘽𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙠 (𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙩𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙖𝙮 28: 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜)★★★
Character: Larissa Weems
Taglist: @inlovewithgreta @lilfartbox1 @marvels--slut
Trigger warnings (DL, DI): Collaring, Dom/sub dynamics, mistress kink,
Genre: Smut
Word count: 1.1k
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"Hey, sweetling?" Larissa called out to you from her office, opening a drawer on her desk as she pulled out a shiny golden gift box with a pretty white bow tied around the sides.
"You needed something?" You asked, walking quickly inside the room, your body adjusting to the warmth created by the fireplace.
"Oh, here already? Such a good girl," The blonde smirked, chuckling softly as she motioned for you to sit in front of her behind the desk, swinging her chair off to the side just a little.
You blushed softly, getting down on your knees as you endearingly tilted your head, eyes flickering over to the golden gift box on the table next to the two of you.
"What is that Rissa?" You asked, your head moving to get a better look at the box.
Larissa chuckled in response, picking up the gift and watching as your eyes followed her hands like they were that of a goddess.
"Close your eyes and you'll find out, okay?" She replied, a smirk tugging at her lips as she couldn't wait to put the accessory that was in the box on you.
You nodded and closed your eyes for the woman. You then heard a rustling coming from the box, followed by feeling her hands coming behind your head and underneath your hair. Your breath hitched as you felt a cool band being secured around your neck. Once Larissa had attached the jewelry piece, she moved her hands from your neck to cup your chin.
"Open," She commanded, admiring how beautiful you looked with the collar wrapped comfortably around your neck.
Your hand immediately went up to touch your neck, wondering what was placed onto your skin as your head tried to get a good view of it, making Larissa chuckle.
"Go look in the mirror, puppy," The blonde laughed, watching you run up to the nearby full-body mirror like a predator would watch its prey.
The moment your eyes made contact with the leather, they seemed to sparkle brightly, a giant smile forming on your lips as you felt the soft but elegant texture of the collar.
It was a simple blue collar with a small silver O-ring in the middle, but the rhinestones spelling out Larissa's initials made you blush furiously just at the mere sight of them.
"It's so pretty..." You whispered, eyes widening in pure joy as you continued to slide your fingers across the leather, your smile increasing the more you felt it. "I love it!"
The taller woman stood up as she heard you praise your gift, a smile on her face that matched perfectly with yours.
"Oh, I'm so glad you do," Larissa sighed in relief as she wrapped one of her arms around your waist, her other hand going to touch the collar as your hand fell to your sides. "I knew you would, but I just had anxiety that you didn't," She confessed with her lips going to form a softer smile.
"It's so adorable! I love the rhinestones and everything else!" You gushed, turning around and kissing her with a somehow even brighter grin on your face.
"I can't wait to see you in this every day, you look so gorgeous in it, don't you think so, sweetling?" She asked, eyeing your nod as both of her hands spun you around to face her.
"Thank you so much!! I love it!" You beamed, hugging her tightly as she stroked your hair, whispering in your ear to tease you a bit.
"Everyone is going to know that you are mine, and only mine, and I'm going to relish in that," Larissa smirked as your cheeks heated up at her possessiveness over you, that blush only increasing more as she left a kiss on your cheek, a stain of red lipstick on your skin marking itself in her wake.
"Yes mistress, all yours," You chuckled, burying your face in her breasts out of slight embarrassment.
"After all, no one can keep you on edge for a week like I can, can they?" The taller woman asked, chuckling once more as you let out a squeak and buried your face deeper into her body.
"H-Hey! W-We don't talk about that!!" You pouted, your chin being tugged back to face Larissa by her hand pulling at your neck.
"Don't worry puppy, I won't tease you anymore. You do have a class to teach in a couple of minutes," The taller woman grinned, looking over at the clock that showed how close to the next period it was.
You sighed, smiling at her before kissing the blonde on her cheek once again.
"I'll see you after class okay?"
"As always puppy, enjoy the collar, I know I will," Larissa smirked, slapping your ass slightly as you walked out of her office, leaving her to her dirty fantasies.
#lesbian#wlw#pansexual#wlw ns/fw#kinktober 2023#smut#shslbunnylovers kinktober#wlw and nblw only#wendsday#larissa weems x reader#bisexual#nblw ns/fw#nblw
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How Could I Hurt You?
*SPOILERS FOR DARK URGE PLAY THROUGH*
This one right here is for all the people who wanted a little more angst with their dark urge character. Personally I loved the story for the dark urge but I wish there was more of a reaction from companions at the fact that you died! So here's a little angsty treat for my fellow gamers who've put in over 300 hours into this game.
“I have a gift for you child. You will use it to lacerate this world.” No, the only word that echoed in your mind. You will not accept any gift from your so-called god. There is good in this world and your free mind knows this now. It is evident in the companions you have picked up along this journey. In the love of a pale elf, the kindness of an archdruid and the determination of tieflings. You have felt it in every gentle hug, tender kiss and smile that did not come from the release of death.
“No, no, for once I’m free! I have seen life, I’ve seen beauty! I have loved, I have been loved…and I am never giving that back!” Fuck your god, fuck destiny, fuck everything that came before. The autonomy of your body was suddenly stripped away as you were raised into the air by invisible claws. Back breaking under the force answered only by cruel laughter.
“Can we kill this little freak!” The vampire spawn was ready to rush forward and imbed his knife into the puppet pulling the strings. You knew that he would be killed if he so much as put a kink in the plans of the cruel god.
“Karlach…keep him away!”
Your father laughed at the weakness you showed so openly. “What a disappointing spawn you’ve become, my most promising, possessed by pathetic emotions. I remember when the very act of murder reflected in your gaze, oh the terror you inspired, the horror.”
The words Astarion spoke to his former master echoed within your mind, giving you courage, determination. “I am so much more than what you made me.”
“You are nothing without me, child. What I have given freely and what you have rejected most unknowingly I will take back. I will give you back to the rotting earth you hold so dearly, nothing but a dead fool, food for the worms. Even below the ground you will still feel the blood I rain upon this world, the fire that will consume the forests you called home. Your blood is mine and I will see it returned.”
You could feel the very blood he spoke of fall from your eyes like scarlett tears, your breath trapped inside your lungs begging to escape. The taste of copper fills your mouth as it dribbles down your chin. You’ve never felt so cold before, even in the harshest of winters. Bones seemed to snap and then as if clutched in a grasp of fury your heart shattered within your chest a silent scream caught in your throat. It was instant death but somehow still prolonged beyond the mortal plane.
There was no more chanting within the Bhall temple, no foreign word. Yet the scent of blood still lingered, the screams of your name like an echo being absorbed into the walls.
You watched events unfold outside of your body and wondered if this is what all of your victims experienced after their death. Or if this torture was designed just for you by the lord of murder himself.
Astarion had rushed over as soon as your body fell to the cold stone below. His hands cradling your body with a fierce protectiveness you had never seen before. His hands searched for a pulse, something, any sign of life you would give him. “Karlach give me a bloody scroll!”
“Astarion it won’t work…” she was right, it won’t. She had seen first hand instant death at the hands of devils, like a thread cut with a pair of scissors.
“You don’t fucking know that, we have to try! Halsin do something you useless druid! Darling, look at me, please, please. I promised, I promised it wouldn’t have you my love, please…” Oh what you would give to embrace him, comfort him.
Light illuminated the blood that stained your face, warmth from Halsin’s palm, the warmth of nature itself. It would do nothing for you now. “Oak Father, hear me, aid me, protect this child of Silvanus.” The light flickered, a soft breeze tussling the hair surrounding your body. You had never seen such sadness on Halsin’s face, not even when his grove was threatened or when all hope had seemed lost in the darkness of the shadow curse. His hand engulfed the one that rested limply by your body, “forgive me my heart.” He brought the hand to his lips, warmth against deadly cold skin.
“Your god is as useless as the rest of them! Potions, Karlach in my bag, hurry please…” his words were cut short as the large tiefling cradled the back of your head. Her forehead came to rest against yours, horns knocking against the ones atop your head. Soft lips brushed across the place where lines and creases would form the most.
“Rest easy Soldier…I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Get away! Fuck you, fuck all of you, we have to help them, there must be something…” as if a candle had been extinguished so did his fight. “No, no…oh darling…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry my love, my light. Forgive me, please come back, I promise I’ll keep you safe please come back, don’t leave me, please.” They would tell stories about you, the hero who sacrificed everything to save Baulders Gate. Would they tell of the love you got to experience before it all ended? Would they speak of the friends you made? The adventures you had?
Would they speak of the man who emerged from his crypt only to enter a temple and offer a choice?
The hardest choice you would ever have to make. Only it’s not a difficult one is it? After all it’s only one more battle until the rest of your life. Yours now, no one else's. You could close your eyes forever, spare yourself the view, the consequences.
When the breath was returned to your lungs and the shattered pieces of your heart put back together one by one your body lurched forward with the first sight of your new life.
Cool lips pressed against yours, fangs almost puncturing skin with the ferocity of a lover who held death in his arms. Words whispered against your mouth, “don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.”
A small, breathless laugh, “how could I leave my little star behind?” How could you leave this behind?
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