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j-graysonlibrary · 8 months

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Fort Heaven Chapter 19

Title: Fort Heaven

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 69K

Genres: Suspense, investigative, drama, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Some call it a hoax. Others claim it’s a cult. But, to Evon and his friend Yasmine, two online journalists, Fort Heaven is the subject of their latest story. Along for the assignment is cameraman and not-so-secret crush of Evon’s: Russet. With a drunken, murky night in their recent history, things are especially tense between them but, of course, personal matters take a backseat when the interviews start. The trio speaks to ex-members of Fort Heaven and, while some of the accounts are shocking, the job remains just that: A job. That is until one of the women they interviewed, along with her daughter, goes missing. It soon becomes clear that not only is Fort Heaven a real threat but Evon and his friends are being watched. And what started as a simple cash-grab article is now a matter of life and death.

Full Chapter 19 under the cut

Chapter 19

“So you’re the young lady my son has been talking so much about,” Simon spoke as he shook hands with Willow. It was a bizarre experience although most of her days had been filled with similar, unreal moments since she met Seth.

“I certainly hope so,” she answered him with a laugh. The man, up close, was almost too perfect in every aspect. He was groomed flawlessly, his clothes were completely straight and ironed—even his teeth were almost too straight. To Willow, he seemed like a doll that had come to life—a human who still managed to breach the uncanny valley.

Seth stood close by his father but watched Willow. He, unlike his father, had visible flaws but it didn’t make him any less uncomfortable to deal with. In fact, they were both difficult—just in different ways.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Simon said and pulled his hand away.

“The pleasure is all mine, my lord.” She bowed her head.

“Please, please—none of that is necessary,” the man responded with a chuckle. His smile was large but his eyes weren’t happy at all.

“Oh…sorry.”

He shook his head. “No need to apologize either. If my son cares for you than you are like family to me. Family is equal.”

Willow briefly glanced to Seth who was visibly offended by the comment but just didn’t say anything. She looked back to his father and nodded—just barely.

“I really do appreciate you coming over here to see me…” she started and trailed off some, trying to think of the right words, “but is it really fair to just appoint me to apostle? I don’t think I’m qualified at all, I mean…I just started…”

Simon laughed again before answering her, “The apostles we have now are simply friends or extremely dedicated followers. You being among the ranks would be no different, my dear.”

“I…um…” Willow bit down on her lip. She knew she couldn’t deny the position but there were concerns she had about moving up so fast and the true motives behind the sudden offer. It just didn’t sit right. “I am worried about my colleagues…they already hate me for going through the courses so quickly…”

“The kid I saw you arguing with in the hall?” Seth asked, bringing up the event for the millionth time.

Willow nodded. “Him and some others.”

Simon chuckled and then abruptly stopped. “My apologies…Would it perhaps make you feel better if I can guarantee that you will no longer have problems with those people?”

She took a small step away from him. “As in a transfer?”

“Mmm no. Not quite.”

Seth walked closer, partly wedging himself between Willow and his father. “Are you talking about a penance ceremony?”

“A what ceremony?” she asked before she could control herself.

“Penance,” Simon clarified. “It’s a simple procedure that fixes small, behavioral issues in members.”

Willow nodded as if she truly believed him. She didn’t—she had a sick feeling in her stomach. It wasn’t just the name either (though that didn’t help) but the look of excitement on both Simon and Seth’s faces. There was a very unsettling aura around their smiles.

And of course, much to her distaste, she was asked to join them for the ceremony later in the night. It wasn’t something she could refuse even though they made it sound as if she had a choice. She never had a choice with them—Nichole’s life possibly depended on whether she completely obeyed these people or not and she wasn’t going to mess it up.

Willow made it back to her room without a disturbance though Angelica was giving her a rather odd look when she walked in. After kicking off her shoes, Willow asked her, “What is it?”

The woman vaguely shrugged. “Off with Seth again?”

“Yeah,” she responded with a frown, “it’s not like I can stand him up if he asks me to meet with him.”

Angelica laughed a little, surprising her. “Do you not actually like him?”

Willow shook her head and quickly explained herself, “That’s not it! He’s a great guy and the man second closest to God but I was just worried you thought I was around him for selfish reasons…”

“Well I do think that,” she responded with a smirk but her tone wasn’t at all insulting. Still, it was confusing. After a second, Angelica went on, “We all do things for selfish reasons. In your case you may feel like you have no choice if the mighty child of god, Seth, asks you out but you couldn’t fool me if you said you weren’t excited about the potential of moving up.”

With a sigh, Willow said, “I understand I suppose.” She walked to her small dresser and started to look through it for a clean uniform since she had been wearing her current one for about an hour or two too long. “They want me to come to a penance ceremony later—any idea what that it?”

Angelica froze in place for a second before reluctantly answering. “No. Never heard of it.”

It was completely unconvincing but Willow didn’t push it.

“Who knows, maybe it’s a new thing,” she said instead and watched the older woman from the corner of her eye.

“Maybe.”

Willow sighed silently and closed her eyes. It was going to be bad but she was prepared for it. As long as the ceremony didn’t turn around and focus on her then she could keep going with her mission. Someone else would probably get severely hurt but not her. That kind of thinking would normally disgust her but with Nichole in mind, she was willing to do anything—even if that meant doing nothing.

If blood ended up on her hands, she would bear it. She had to believe in that anyway—if she didn’t she feared she’d break.

***

Lights were dimmed and a few bodies could be seen throughout the circular room—all wearing the cloaks of higher members of the church with the hoods over their faces. Seth led Willow in by the hand with a smile on his face the entire time which vastly contrasted the scene she was looking at.

Simon stood toward the back of the room on a raised area in a far more ceremonial looking robe than the others. A robe that Willow was sure was custom—just for him.

When he saw that Seth and Willow had walked in, he smiled and motioned them over with a finger. “Come. Stand by me.”

Once they were at his side, he cleared his throat and every hooded person in the room simultaneously backed up and to the edges of the room. A door, opposite from the one Willow had entered through, opened and another hooded figure walked in with what appeared to be a prisoner. The person they dragged in was in plain, unflattering clothing and had a bag over their head.

Willow took a deep, silent breath. She knew who it was.

“My Lord—Simon the Usurper of Evil—I present to you the sinner you requested to meet with,” The man in the robe spoke as he released the supposed sinner. “For your eyes see all evil and misdeeds, may we simply deliver the punishment and bear witness.”

Simon slowly nodded once before the bag was pulled from the sinner’s head.

It was just as Willow had anticipated. The teenage boy—Collin—was underneath. His face twisted in confusion and then fear. He wildly looked around and then stopped when he saw Willow. She averted her gaze.

“Collin Sanntoron, is this the name you go by, son?” Simon addressed him.

It took Collin a second to look away from Willow and to look at Simon. “Y-yes…My Lord, what’s going on…? What did I do?”

Simon smiled and softly scoffed. “The asking of that question denotes that you’re either stupid or willfully ignorant—both qualities I am not fond of.”

The fear grew. Collin’s body shook. It was impossible for Willow to watch.

“Do you have nothing to say?” Simon asked and when a period of time passed in silence, he no longer gave Collin room to defend himself. “Then I shall remind you of your crimes. They are crimes of the heart—weakness in the soul. Feelings of jealousy and envy…the desire to push others down to raise yourself higher…those are parasites in the heart and in the mind. They must be purged from you and the only cure to self indulgent feelings…is humility.”

Seth nudged Willow gently, forcing her to look over. She realized that Simon was staring at her—expectantly. Her heart started to beat wildly in her chest.

“Y-yes…?”

Simon smiled, again the same strange and unnatural smile that she had seen earlier. “Willow, my dear, the punishment for his crimes must involve the target of his misdirected emotions.”

She must have made some kind of indication of her true feelings apparent because the man chuckled.

“You don’t have to carry out the punishment, don’t worry.”

Willow sighed in relief but still reluctantly nodded. She was no longer sure about what was to happen but at least she wouldn’t be doing whatever was considered punishment.

She was led to stand in front of Simon, below his pedestal, and in front of Collin. The poor boy looked up at her, begging for help with his eyes. She wanted to let him know that there was nothing she could do—that she wasn’t at all in charge of the situation—but she just kept her focus elsewhere.

One of the hooded people from the far side of the room walked forward and the man that had brought Collin in the room forcefully pulled the shirt off of his body. When he struggled, he was shoved down onto the ground.

“Sit on your knees,” the secondary robed man said as he pulled a long riding crop from his sleeve. “Face your victim and state an apology worthy of Simon the Usurper of Evil.”

Collin shook as he did as he was asked and anchored himself with his hands on his knees. He knew what was coming just as Willow did.

His eyes were already watery and his lip quivered before he started to speak. “Willow, I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I was wrong and I wish I could take it back….p-please forgive me.”

She winced with the first crack. He yelped and fell forward despite trying to prepare himself. As he rose back into position, she saw that tears had fallen and that his lips were moist and his nose red.

“Again,” Simon said flatly.

Collin quivered even more than before. “Please…please forgive me, Willow. I didn’t mean it I-I was just s…saying those things because I’m mad at myself f-for not progressing as fast as you…I was just jealou—AH.” He didn’t get to finish because the crop was sliced across his back again.

Willow moved her foot back but immediately hit the pedestal Simon was standing on top of. She thought of how badly she wanted to flee the scene but then she thought of Nichole. The image of her calmed her and made the scene in front of her bearable.

“PLEASE!” Collin yelled. “PLEASE I’M Sorr-r-ry…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry.”

The man whipped across his back again and this time Collin’s yell ended in a gurgle. Willow looked down to see that he’d thrown up straight bile and some of it still dripped from his lips.

“Sorry…” At this point he stopped looking at her and just began crying.

“One more,” Simon said calmly and, immediately after, Collin was awarded another whip. “I now believe that your apology is sincere.”

Willow watched the young man shake and cry while the blood from his back began to drip down his sides and down to his legs, making small puddles on the ground. The smell was distinct.

“Take him away.”

The two hooded men closest to Collin each grabbed an arm and pulled him toward the door he had come in through. Once it was shut, the rest of the hooded audience turned and faced the wall. The sight alone gave Willow goosebumps but she couldn’t let that show. She knew she was allowed to appear shaken—she would seem emotionless otherwise. But to be disturbed by the rituals of the church was off limits.

She turned to Simon and Seth. “So, that’s the penance ceremony…?”

“Yes,” Seth answered with a smile.

“Does this sort of thing happen often?”

“Not that often,” he answered her but it wasn’t very convincing. “Only when we feel it is necessary. The enforcers usually perform it without us unless it’s a larger issue.”

She glanced between them. “So then why attend this one? I’d imagine having jealousy in your heart is a pretty small offense compared to some of the things you’ve seen before.”

Simon appeared almost proud of what he’d just done with the sort of smile he gave her. “This one is special. It may have been a small offense but the crime was committed against my daughter-in-law.”

Willow took a step backward and couldn’t hide her surprise and mild horror.

Simon laughed while Seth looked like an embarrassed teenager. “I’m sorry about him,” he said with a slight groan. “He has to steal the dramatic moments.”

“…What is he talking about…?” Willow asked, still not sure who she should settle her gaze on.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Seth asked. “I want to take you as my wife.”

This wasn’t the plan—this wasn’t supposed to happen—she just wanted her friend back.

“Uh…oh…I don’t know what to say…”

“Yes, of course?” Simon butted in with a cheeky grin but it wasn’t nearly as innocent as it seemed. Willow didn’t know for certain but her instincts told her that if she said no—or really anything other than yes—something would happen to her.

So, she swallowed her pride.

“Yes. Of course.”

#fort heaven #my novel #writeblr #lgbt writers

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annetteblog · 3 years

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Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone.

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??”

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance.

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly.

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

/as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet.

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed.

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience.

P.S. And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian. i like it better and what will u do haha

#jikook #kookmin #what am i even doing here #i'm gonna regret this #long post

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80scartoonfan · 3 years

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My Review of Masters of the Universe Revelation - Better late then Never...

It has been two months now, and wow... Not, not many fans of the entire franchise like the Kevin Smith Masters of the Universe series do they? As an aspiring writer myself I can't say I blame them.

I know this comes literally on the heels of the LATEST series being released (obligations to projects, work, family and other things got in the way) and I have to say I wasn't all that impressed with it. If anything, compared to the dumpster fire that was Season 8 of Voltron Legendary Defender that season was more enjoyable than this first part of the mini-series.

And if I am being honest from the first leaks of Skele-God, to the drama with YouTubers like Clownfish-TV and others, to the "race swapping" of Andra and King Greyskull, to spoilers Kevin Smith himself even made, I would give Part-1 a GENEROUS D-Minus. This is a shame because I really wanted this series to exceed all expectations and be equal to the original like 2012s TMNT is or 2011s ThunderCats. But there is too much against it.

First, let’s talk about the animation. It was absolutely breathtaking! It was crisp, the world-building in just the scenery was a masterpiece. Out of what I saw of all of part 1, spotted one goof - dealing in episode 1 with Evil-Lyn's staff, which shows that their animators care of what they produce. I loved the animation so much that if the rights to my favorite anime were purchased by a studio to do a continuation from 2005 or a second reboot, I'd gladly give Powerhouse Animation my salary for the next 5 years!

The music, the music was gorgeous! But then I am biased towards Bear McCreary. Even though He-Man seems a bit knew to compose music to, he immediately got my vote of confidence when it was announced he was attached. Reason being, his work for the movie Godzilla King of the Monsters! His music made me actually tear up during that movie. Something I didn't do since another Godzilla movie.

With the exception of Mark Hamill - as shocking as it comes and Sarah Michelle Gellar, the voice acting was phenomenal! I loved Kevin Michael Richards as Beastman, Tony Todd as ScareGlow, even Liam Cunningham as Duncan! Chris Wood was spectacular as Prince Adam/He-Man for just being introduced to him. But the one who really stole the show for me was Lena Headdy. She killed it as Evil-Lyn, so much that if the Eternity War Saga or 2 part crossover event ThunderCats and He-Man/Injustice vs Masters of the Universe were made into live-action or animated movies, I'd pay whatever she wanted just to have her return.

I also want to applaud the effort of getting a diverse group of voice actors. Something which I noticed few if ANY have. Actors who are both known for their VA resumes and those who are new to voice acting. But also the actors themselves, besides the white and black VAs there were if I am not mistaken a Native American and I think 2 Mixed-Race voice actors. I don't remember if there were any Asian or Middle Eastern VAs, but it is always Part-2!

As for Mark Hamill, at first, I was excited that he was going to do the voice of Skeletor. But upon hearing him as Skeletor, I'm not sure anymore. Granted this is just the first part of the mini-series, but it didn't feel like Skeletor if that makes sense? To me, it felt like he was trying to mix Joker/Alvin the Treacherous/and Firelord Orzi all into one character.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is another one I wasn't sure about. I admit I found it hard going in unbiased because I never liked Sarah. Not as Gwendy Doll, or Andromeda, Daphne and certainly not as Buffy - mainly because I preferred Kristy Swanson as Buffy, but that is beside the point. She had some nice emotional spots, but for the majority of her performance as Teela, it just wasn't there for me. If the writing and script had been better than what it was, she could have won me over for Teela, but as I write this I am more excited for Kimberly Brooks to voice Teela.

Now let’s talk about the things I hated. This will involve anything from Characters including designs to the writing and other things. If you don't want to be triggered I advise you to stop reading this and move on. If you are still here and get triggered, like one person who always seems to be, don't say I didn't warn you. I am always open to engaging others civilly in talking and debate. But if you can't even do that, don't bother engaging. These are my opinions and MY THOUGHTS, and I will hold nothing back regardless of the topic. You have been warned!

The story, the story absolutely sucked! You can tell the writers, if you can call them that, just didn’t care about what they were doing. I’ll go into this shortly. But those writers should be ashamed to even call themselves that. Sure it was catered to be modernized and appealing to potential new fans, but they should have been more aware of what they were doing. Just in this first part, there are so many plotholes and questions I was asking myself that I filled 4 whole pages of paper asking questions and thoughts - which to the fanfic writers I will put in at the end of this if you want to explore them.

I watched the mini-series five times now, trying to be as objective as I possibly could as an aspiring writer and not as a MotU fan, and each time got even more painful. Let’s be clear on one thing, I wanted this series to succeed. But too many things brought it down, and like with Ghost in the Shell 2045, I’m not sure I want Netflix to release part 2 or that I would watch it if they did.

Let’s start with how it was advertised as a “direct sequel to the original.” It was not a direct sequel to the original. I have seen someone bring this up and I have to agree with him. This mini-series is more in line with Nickelodeon’s Voltron-Force from 2011. I remember watching that series when it premiered and then had to hunt down my VHS tapes that had them to get a feel for the series again.

Both played off their respective originals as direct sequels, but both are in fact pseudo-sequels/soft reboots. They have the characters we grew up with and we can identify these characters because they are close to their original counterparts, but that is as far as the “sequel” goes. They bring in newer characters who we know nothing about or characters who have maybe been unimportant to the main characters, but we have to accept them now. It was like that with Mona Lisa in the 2012 TMNT who I enjoyed WHEN they used her, Larmina of Voltron-Force being Allura’s niece, and Andra of Revelation who had maybe 2 or 3 appearances in the entire run of the Masters of the Universe franchise.

Like Voltron-Force, Revelation, had no real ties to the original. There were no mentions of battles, events, and characters who played critical roles in the original. Instead, it starts off with a narrative deposition to set the series up (not matching how the original ended) and just starts in with new adventures. For it to be a direct sequel to an original, you need to have more than just characters we can identify as He-Man/Skeletor/Keith/Lotor/Allura/or Teela.

Next, let’s talk about the length of this mini-series. This is still a bitter subject amongst Voltron fans because so much Netflix could have done more with it if they didn’t do four seasons that were 6/7 episodes. We can all agree that with the “story telling” they wanted to do, just five episodes just were not enough for the first part and potentially the second part. The amount of time needed to portray the journey from Adam’s death to Skeletor taking the power sword and becoming Skelegod could have easily been an entire season. Even 9-10 episodes would have been acceptable with the proper writing that wasn’t going for deliberate shock value goals or “shipping.”

With a 9-10 episode first part, they could have given everyone what they wanted. They could have had He-Man solidly in the first 3 episodes killing him off in the 3rd in such an emotional way it would leave us old-timers not only devastated but eager for more. Use episode 4 to transition into a dying magical world trying to survive with the loss of He-Man and Skeletor and set up the following episode where we see Teela and Andra meet, rather than “next episode we meet Teela and her ‘friend’ Andra on a practically dead world.” Hell, if this was supposed to be a series which wanted to emotionally cripple old timers like me, I’d have been fine if were three season 13 episode series where He-Man dies at the very end of season 1, season 2 picks up with the aftermath of his death, and season 3 is He-Man’s return to defeat Skeletor.

Let’s now talk about the plotholes in this series which tie together with the amount of episodes. These are the biggest things that damage the series the most! The biggest plothole and the most important one is “SPAN OF TIME!” How long has it been since Prince Adam’s death and we see Teela with Andra - days/weeks/months/years - WHAT?! When did they meet? Where did they meet? What happened to Eternos? Did King Randor go all Mad-King Targarian or was Eternos get sacked and destroyed now that He-Man was no longer there to protect its people? Did King Randor put a bounty on Teela’s head for leaving? Remember she was a sworn member of the guard to the King. I doubt he would have just let her leave unless he had a good reason not to go after her. What happened to all the other Masters - Clamp Champ/Ram-Man/Stratos/Buzzoff/Tusk Man and many others in the aftermath of Adam’s death? These are questions and things fans should have been focusing on rather than “will Teela and Andra be together?” Kevin Smith said this series had what others didn’t... STAKES. What are those stakes?

Speaking of Teela and Andra and I know this will be a touchy one for most. I feel that their dynamic is directly done to “queerbait” people. Now I am not saying we can’t have LGBT couples in series, it’s just that writers either need to commit to establishing these couples or not at all. Only doing glimpses or hints at, is for a lack of a better term a Kobayashi Maru - (a No Win Scenario for the Non-Star Trek fans) like it was with Shiro in Voltron Legendary Defender. And if and when this blows up in their faces, like it did the Voltron writers, they have no one to blame but themselves.

Star Trek Lower Decks like every other Star Trek since “The Next Generation” have no qualms in establishing certain characters as LGBT. It is how you do it, and many of these shows need to follow the example from Star Treks TNG/DS9/VOY/LD. This series are a clear testament that you can have Straight/Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual relationships without “queer-baiting” or overtly shoving it in people’s faces.

The writers have made it clear that there is something between Teela and Andra but while also making it clear there is still something between her and Adam. Which regardless of how part 2 ends is liable to upset the fans they “catered” this series to. Who do you make happy and who do you ostracize? And with today’s social media are you going to handle the backlash of giving one and not the other? I personally would prefer Teela and Adam to be what kids today call “Endgame,” but ever since the Keith & Allura tradition was soundly destroyed in Season 2 of Netflix’s Voltron, that when it comes to Netflix series I just simply don’t care anymore who ends up with who, I want a well thought-well developed story.

The character designs of Teela/Andra/Evil-Lyn I understand they wanted a more “modern” realistic feel to them, which I am neither for nor against. Because let’s face it spandex-clad or barely covered barbarian fantasy women with chainmail is a product of the 70s/80s/90s. It is alright to have modern designs for characters but not too modern. Especially when we have shows like Game of Thrones and others to draw references from.

I do admit, I am not a fan of Teela’s design. I understand the reasoning is to make her a “Strong Female Character” but there is more to being a strong female character than looking strong. Strength is also one’s character, how they grow and develop. Teela’s stubbornness, fear, and anger at her “past life” are preventing her growth. If this is the way they portray a strong female character then they have no business doing so.

Kimberly Brooks’ Allura is a far stronger woman than this Teela ever will be. The burdens she shouldered, admitting she was wrong and not gloating when she was correct, the forgiveness of a race responsible for the genocide of her’s, being a diplomat while also being a warrior, sacrificing her well being for others all contributed to her growth from “Princess who just woke up” to Strong Female Character by the end of Season 6.

Teela understandably was hurt by the lies that filled her life. Sure she built a life away from those lies, but she was running away from them. Rather than confront the reason why she became bitter and ran away essentially. She was only forced to confront those lies to save Eternia and the universe and even then there really wasn’t any humility about it. Instead, it is all about her. Not once in this series have I seen growth for Teela’s character like Legendary Defender’s Allura, and let me be perfectly blunt - I had no love for Allura after Season 2. Not once did she admit she was wrong or apologize. Not once was she willing to sacrifice her life for the greater good - instead she was willing to let the whole universe die because of the lies she was fed her life.

Now let me address the whole Race-Bending “controversy.” As with the new designs, I am neither for nor against them. I understand the arguments on both sides when it comes to Andra and King Greyskull. One side argues it appeals to young black girls and boys while the other argues they are being tired of being handed “Hand-Me-Down” characters. Both sides have valid arguments. But honestly, as an old Masters of the Universe fan, it took the so-called “race-swapping” of Andra for me to even remember her because she was never that important and even betrayed Teela for Faker in the Injustice vs Masters of the Universe comics and even then she appeared in maybe 5 panels at most.

Now King Greyskull, at first I was against, I’ll admit it but then I changed my tone looking at myself and my family. See I am Bi-Racial, my mother is white and my father is black. My father’s sister married a white guy and had 6 bi-racial kids. Two who in turn gave birth to white-skinned blond-haired blue-eyed kids. Had they gone the “bloodline” path Prince Adam could have been a representation of not just blacks, whites, but bi-racial and mixed-blood peoples.

I realize this is coming out on the eve of that new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe series, which as a He-Man fan since 1984 (when I was potty training) I will give it a shot, maybe even write a review of it. But I still have my reviews of Godzilla: Singular Point, Pacific Rim: The Black, Star Trek Lower Decks, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2045, and other series to write on top of work and my family life.

-------------------------------~ Question and Thoughts Time ~---------------------------

As I mentioned above, had many thoughts and questions which I believe were pivotal in the development of this series. Questions and thoughts should have been vocalized during the writing stage rather than fans asking them. These are of the first 3 episodes and some of episode 4. If you are a fanfiction writer who wants to explore these feel free to do so, I will be more than happy to read if they answer these questions and make the mini-series more enjoyable.

Keep in mind these are questions and thoughts I had because I am also an aspiring writer of my own fiction - that I am keeping close to my chest until I feel ready to release it.

Any true He-Man fan would question why is He-Man on a mechanical horse when he would be using battle cat

I do like the celebration happening at the same time quote-unquote He-Man is approaching Castle Grayskull it makes you think Adam is missing out on an important event

In the original series, Castle Grayskull had defenses that the Sorceress could call upon to confuse and combat an enemy who breached its walls how did Skeletor learn about the true secrets of Castle Grayskull when it should only be the Sorceress that knows of such secrets

If the Sorceress is so powerful and so smart why was she tricked by the faker He-Man he doesn't have the power sword?

I love that Orko is still a bumbling magician in Eternia’s realm. Shows how different realities have an effect on others

Adams entrance to “I have the power” let alone his playful jab at who “He is” should have been a hint to Teela

I do like the scene between Adam and Teela in the hall. It really makes you think that they actually are friends from childhood that grew up together and possibly have a future together.

My knowledge of the 38 years of the canon may be a bit shady now, but hasn’t Skeletor always needed the Power sword to get into Castle Grayskull like he always needed it in the comics?

They hinted that his mother knows he's He-Man and that she does reveal that he is He-Man after the battle. I know a mother knows these things about her child. But how did she learn Adam was He-Man and how did she not tell King Randor

Again how did Marlena know He-Man was her son and not tell her husband?

King Randor’s response is feasible but Teela’s response, because everyone lied to her is understandable - but she's a warrior. She is also a sworn captain of the royal guard, sworn to the King. She can’t just quit like that, can she?

How much time has passed between the death of Adam and when we see Teela with Andra

What has happened to the Royal Family in this time? What about Eternos? Has King Randor and Marlena revealed that he-man was their son Prince Adam? With He-Man out of the picture Has Eternos Fallen? Did Randor go all Mad-King Targaryen and become a ruthless tyrant?

What has happened to all of the other Masters? Ram-Man/Buzzoff/Clamp Champ/Fisto/Stratos/ and so many others? Were they killed off? Did they disband? Or were they exiled, WHAT?!

What about Snake-Mountain? What happened in the aftermath of Skeletor’s apparent death? Did Triclops and Beastman betray Evil-Lyn?

How did Teela meet Andra? What is the “When, where, and how” behind their meeting? What did she do to gain Teela’s trust when she felt betrayed by the world?

What is Andra’s background or history in this series besides being an engineer?

When old hag gives Teela and Andra their mission you can obviously tell it's evil-lyn

He-Man flashbacks are kind of nice but it would have been nice to have a build-up for such flashback or have a series season before his demise with such flashbacks that way it could be more poignant

I do like the idea of Triclops and Trap-jaw building a technical but what put them on the path for this techno cult

The cult kind of feels like the Borg as much as I like the idea of Trap-jaw and Triclops making a cult I don't know how I feel about it being Borg-like

This may be controversial but Andra feels like the stereotypical POC Rooky sidekick you see join the main character on their quest.

Like Grace Randolph said this whole Teela/Andra angle may come up and bite everyone in the ass later on if they don’t follow through which will piss off all the old-time fans and if they don’t follow through with the Teela/Andra angle and make Prince Adam/Teela are a couple then all the LGBTQ fans will be pissed off about that

I can already foresee it happening just like it did with Voltron Legendary Defender with Shiro being gay and his ex-partner Adam being killed in combat

We do get a hint of what the king did after the final battle but still what happened in that time after Prince Adam was killed? Did king Randor go off the deep end and become a dictator, what? These are questions that needed to be asked and answered during the writing stage

When did Evil-Lyn, Cringer, and the Sorceress make an alliance to save what little magic is left and in essence the entire universe?

I have the suspicion that was the Sorceress finally trying to tell Teela she's her mother Ford Shadows that the Sorceress is going to die and Teela is going to take her place

Did Teela really name Cringer, or was it something to boost her up in this mini-series?

Did cringer really tell Tela the Adam loved her?

Thus Begins the quest to reforge the sword to go to heaven and hell to get the parts and rebuild the Power sword thus queue Duncan

How much time has passed between the end of the previous episode and the beginning of this new one?

How is time measured on Eternia?

If Skeletor truly wanted to kill He-Man why didn't you take his power sword when he was shackled up?

Kevin Conroy is ma as Mermaid Man if he gets more roles as mermaid man he might grow on me

Instead of gloating, why didn’t they take He-Man’s sword if it was their prize all along?

Typical 80s cartoon ponds very nice

If Evil-Lyn preached that Man-at-Arms was the most dangerous man in Eternia why didn't they act like it why did they act like He-Man was the most dangerous one?

I do love the jobs both Teela and Evil-Lyn take at each other because they are pretty much the same. Evil-Lyn is Skeletor’s version of the Sorceress and Teela is practically He-Man sorceress when she accepts her destiny.

Teela has seen her father fight hundreds of times how could you not recognize his fighting style?

I like how beast man's loyalty never swayed from evil when I also like Kevin Michael Richardson parentheses? As Beastman I thought I would like him as King Grayskull but I I do like him as beast man

Orko like Castle Grayskull does provide a little hint as to King Randor’s reaction to Prince Adam’s death. I feel this is something they should have put into the series

I feel that all of Orko's scenes in episode 3 and my Following episode 4 are tainted because of Kevin Smith revealing he gets killed and why he decided to have Oracle killed

Why should Beastman show a little fear to Andra who is she to him?

I like that you can still see that Man at Arms still loves the Sorceress and I also find it funny that when it comes to that one huge secret something always gets in the way

Again I hate how they portrayed the span of time in this?

How did they go from a Forest Village so halfway across the world?

Something's been nagging me lately could Evil-Lyn be related to both Teela and the Sorceress somehow?

It could be a reference to how similar the Figures were in the 80s but in some scenes, Teela and Evil-Lyn’s facial structures look almost identical could you be separated sisters?

The further this point it's funny how Evil-lyn and Kela can just cut through the bullshit between their infatuation with He-Man and Skeletor

Again what time something happened between evil-lyn and Merman we don't know what just that he seems bitter that she didn't take over the land while he took a while he tried to take over the seat

It seems that there are undertones to a massive war and the wake of Prince Adam’s death.

I kind of like how even evil-lyn kind of shows that she may be afraid of subterranean

With half of part 1 ended could Skeletor have them influencing her? Why did she have to retrieve the Havoc staff head?

How does Evil-Lyn know so much about the Subterranea?

Teela facing a false He-Man could be a hint of her feelings for Adam. But I think it would be more of a visceral scene if it was Prince Adam and not He-Man.

Was that a hint of Teela becoming the new sorceress?

Scenes between Orko and Lyn were a nice touch. Maybe a better connection between Orko and Lyn than Teela, He-Man, and the others?

Orko’s sacrifice could be the beginning of the Dark-Orko storyline?

Was that the Sorceress’ most recent ancestor, Teela’s Grandmother or GREAT-Grandmother?

Why didn’t Adam finish the chant? If Kevin Smith borrowed aspects from everything relating to He-Man, then why didn’t Adam finish the chant? A few times Adam has been run through in which he could finish the chant to become He-Man.

If Teela is such a badass, why didn’t she attempt to stop a reconstituting Skeletor from stabbing Adam?

Really Andra? You are going to sass Skeletor? He doesn’t know you and would sleep like a baby dispersing you. You are nothing to him, you are lucky he didn’t decide to run you through with the power sword.

And really Skeletor? Because no woman could love a face like your’s? Thats your motivation?

#masters of the universe revelation #motu #he-man #teela #skeletor

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mortuarybees · 5 years

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this is a self indulgent idea but hear me out: eventually aziraphale's bookshop gets a reputation of "listen. if u dont buy anything, just come in read and leave the books u'll be fine. u can hangout" so lots of teens start hitting up the bookstore to hangout and read. then it gets another reputation of having alot of lgbt books. so now lgbt teens of london are frequently hitting up aziraphale's bookshop. this is how crowley and aziraphale get involved in gaurding the gay youth of london.

anon….your mind

aziraphale finds that he rather likes having people in his shop, as long as they’re not trying to buy things and they’re respectful of his books (and reasonably quiet); and more, aziraphale has always been connected to the gay community in the same way you end up with a friend group of gay friends before you even know you’re gay (and then, of course, at some point, he realizes)

he makes them tea and fusses over them and he’s always got crowley’s ear because aziraphale doesnt know what twitter is his ear to the ground for new publications with lgbt main characters to recommend, but more than that, he’s got history for them. he has letters and art he was entrusted with by friends that haven’t ever even been published, he has stories, books older even than the bookshop itself, things that tell them without a doubt, you are not and have never been alone. when they’re upset, he performs minor miracles to sooth them, and when tragedy comes–unaccepting families, losses of scholarships, expulsion from religious schools, and worse–he lets them stay in the flat above the shop if they need to, and performs some less than minor miracles to right things when he can. they all know that no matter what happens, they’ll always have their good uncle zira to fall back on.

crowley has, of course, noticed the young people reading in aziraphale’s shop, but hasn’t thought much of it, and he finds out when aziraphale calls him to say he’s hosting a christmas dinner because a few of his kids mentioned not having anywhere to go for the holidays, and of course that just won’t do, and would crowley like to come? and he’s completely baffled, but agrees, and aziraphale asks him to bring food of some kind, and then it escalates into crowley showing up at midnight the night before to help aziraphale cook a veritable feast. he’s not sure how. he agreed to a side dish. and then he meets the kids and it’s just like….oh, okay. these are his kids now too (”kids” being relative; they range from actual kids to people in their 30s or 40s, but everyone is a kid to Crowley and Aziraphale) and he looks out for them. if they mention they’re getting bullied, he’ll pick them up from school looking as menacing as possible and maybe do a little sirius black with the dursley’s/alec hardy with those fuckboys tell them in no uncertain terms that if they fuck with his godkid, there will be hell to pay. literally. and he’ll certainly do the same with the kids’ guardians.

also anon may i recommend some amazing fics on basically this exact subject for you because they’re three of my favorite fics in the world and this is maybe my favorite good omens trope/subject/whatever (if any of you guys know of other fics along these lines pls hmu with links):

such surpassing brightness by handful_of_silence

there are. no words for this for thousands of years aziraphale has been a guardian of lgbt people and his love for crowley is the subject of books and films and he’s an icon it’s just. it’s very good it’s beautiful

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

it’s the light (it’s the obstacle that casts it) by handful_of_silence

Okay genuinely aziraphale and crowley speaking polari made me. emotional on a million levels

It’s like having a curtain pulled back on something he wasn’t expecting to see. A surprise punch-and-judy at an up-scale restaurant, a lobster thermidor when he’s ordered an ale.

Crowley’s gleefully trying to wrap his head around the fact that Aziraphale is speaking Polari. Because of course he is.

Or: The Patron Saint of London’s LGBT Community is real, and he lives in Soho.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

““They all tried so hard, and the ones that are left are still trying, and none of it is going to matter in the end. They are all going to die before their time, or they’re going to be separated or left alone or driven away, and there’s very little I can do about any of that. But they are mine, do you understand me? I know you were involved in this stupid, petty matter with Billing, and I am telling you that you will not go near anyone else. Wilfred, Siegfried, Margot, Vita, Olive– and I’ll thank you to stop putting ideas in Lord Douglas’s head as well, he has quite enough bad ones on his own.””

“While resting before dinner, [Robbie] died of heart failure. It seems reasonable to claim that this was the only occasion on which his heart failed him.” -Siegfried Sassoon, in Siegfried’s Journey

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him.

#i feel like there are more ive read that i just can't remember #if i do i'll add links #henry speaks #good omens #fic recs #ineffable husbands #Anonymous #henry writes

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shhhhyoursister · 5 years

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Hey, could youw write a fic about davenzi first pride? Ps: I love your writing ❤

this has been in my inbox for so long and im sorry i didnt get to it sooner!!! ty so much for enjoying my writing, im sorry this got a lil angsty and long?? i hope you like it

The discussion about going to Pride had been just that: a discussion. It didn’t matter that after the fact Matteo’s eyes were wet and David’s lips were set in a thin line, that they went to bed that night with their backs facing each other, not touching. There had been no raised voices, no mugs or lamps or phones or anything slamming against the walls, no doors closing so hard the sound reverberated around Matteo’s mind for hours after. It wasn’t an argument. David and Matteo didn’t argue.

It hadn’t been fun, though. David, while not the type to out himself to everyone he met as trans, was more than proud to be part of the bigger queer community. He had a button with the pansexual colors on the new backpack he had bought for his classes at university, was planning on joining some of the LGBT groups there, had been making friends that were part of the community, and had been spending more and more time with them. And Matteo was proud of him! He would be a terrible boyfriend if he wasn’t, couldn’t understand how seeing David’s bright grin after spending the day with his new friends could make him feel anything other than, well, pride.

That wasn’t all he felt, though. He hated himself for it, could see how happy David was to have people around him who were proud and were open about who they were and who they loved, but the idea of engaging with anyone in the community other than the LGBT people he already knew was the single scariest thing he could think of doing.

So, when David had casually brought up the subject of Pride, of them going to Pride, while they were eating dinner late one night after his classes, Matteo had frozen, his fork halfway to his mouth. David had cocked his head to the side, silently asking what the matter was, and Matteo put his fork down, running his hands over his face before quietly saying, “I- I don’t know if I want to go.”

David had stopped, had righted is head so he could watch Matteo’s face as he hummed, had shoved another forkful of pasta into his mouth and chewed and swallowed before responding, just as quietly, “Oh. That’s okay. I can go with my other friends.”

And Matteo had panicked. David’s other friends, the ones that were proud of who they were, the ones that made David smile almost as big as he smiled for Matteo, the ones that took up most of David’s newest stories, the ones that were cooler and queerer than Matteo could ever hope to be. He had nodded, taking a bite of his food and chewing slowly before saying, “Yeah, you could do that.”

David had raised an eyebrow, his voice sounding a little challenging as he replied, “Yeah, I can. Unless you don’t want me to?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, you didn’t seem too happy about it, either.”

Matteo sighed, running a hand through his hair before bringing it down to pull at a loose thread on his sweater, and David’s free hand grabbed it before he could do any damage. David squeezed his hand, and Matteo squeezed back and lifted his head to meet David’s eyes.

“Baby, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. i don’t want to go to Pride, you want to go with your friends, and I’m okay with it even if I don’t need to be because it’s your life. You don’t need my express permission to do things.”

“I know that,” David started slow, “I was only asking because you seemed uncomfortable with it, is all.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

The conversation ended there, both finishing their food in silence before cleaning their bowls in silence, and getting changed and getting into bed in silence. Matteo hated it, hated knowing that he had caused all the awkwardness, hated that he felt like he couldn’t talk to David about it. They both slept restlessly that night, wanting to feel the touch of the other’s skin, see the rise and fall of the other’s breathing, but both feeling too much to do anything about it.

It didn’t matter because the next morning, Matteo woke up to David spooned right against his back, his face buried in the skin on the back of Matteo’s neck. Matteo sighed, the tension draining out of his body as he grabbed the hand that David had resting on his stomach. David shuffled behind him, the arm around his waist squeezing him close as David placing a kiss on the spot his mouth had been pressed against.

“Good morning.” Matteo whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet, a much calmer one than the night before.

“Good morning.” David whispered back into Matteo’s neck, placing another kiss there before moving back, the hand on Matteo’s stomach moving so he could be maneuvered until he was facing David. They stared at each other quietly for a few minutes, before Matteo couldn’t bear both the quiet and lack of contact, and slid forward until his face was buried in David’s neck.

“I’m- I’m scared, I think.”

David only hummed, rubbing a hand soothingly up Matteo’s back.

“I don’t want people to think I’m like, a bad queer person or something. I don’t know how to be gay. I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s intimidating being around people who do.”

“What we’re doing right now is pretty gay.”

“Could be gayer.”

They both smiled at the jokes, before David pushed Matteo’s shoulder gently so he could look at his face.

“Why do you think you’re a bad queer person?”

“Because,” Matteo took a moment to think, stroking his hand up and down David’s arm to give himself a little comfort, “I’m not proud of it. I’m gay, yeah. I have a boyfriend that I love, I have friends that love me for who I am. But... I don’t feel the same way you and your friends do. It’s just a thing about me, not something I want to celebrate or need everyone knowing.”

David hummed again, nodding his head as he grabbed the hand Matteo was rubbing his arm with and brought it up to his mouth to kiss it. Matteo blushed a little, couldn’t help it with the softness of the gesture, and tried to wiggle himself closer to David again, but David didn’t let him.

“However you feel about being gay is okay, Matteo, as long as you don’t hate yourself for it.”

“I don’t, not anymore, at least. I think I did for a while. But I don’t now. I just don’t want it to be the only thing people think about when they look at me.”

“And that ‘s okay. You don’t need to be yelling about it all the time, or be covered in buttons and pins and rainbow paint. You can just be Matteo, a boy that is gay and is also a thousand other things.”

Matteo sighed, and smiled softly. David was good at saying the right thing, but he could tell that he wasn’t done speaking.

“And yeah, Pride is about celebrating queerness, but there’s a lot more too it. It’s a political statement, more importantly, but its also a personal experience for each person that goes. I’ve had friends who just go so they can wear whatever they want and kiss whoever they want without having to worry, and I have friends that march and wave signs and flags and scream. You don’t have to go, but if you do we can take it as chill as you want.”

Matteo considered his words. While him and David kissed regularly and held hands or hugged in most places, they both had a persistent fear that someone was going to say something, or worse, do something. They talked about it quietly one night after they had gotten a nasty look on the bus, both expressing the same worry. It would be nice to not have that for once. To be able to see David’s smiling face, and lean over and kiss him, without the gross nervous undertone.

“It would be nice to not have to worry. But I- I don’t know. I’ll think about it, and let you know? Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, babe. And I won’t be mad if decide not to go. But I’ll be thrilled if you do.”

The next week, when Matteo finds himself being kissed passionately on a random street in Berlin with his hands in David’s hair and David’s on his waist, surrounded by people yelling and holding signs and waving rainbow flags, he starts to feel a little proud.

#davenzi #davenzi fic #davenzi fanfic #david schreibner #matteo florenzi #matteo x david #druck #druck fanfic #sorry this was sad :(

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kevinbingham · 4 years

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“Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines”

https://www.facebook.com/thethinker42/posts/10155931022478700

Lori Gallagher Witt

January 7, 2018

An open letter to friends and family who are/were shocked to discover I'm a liberal...

This is going to be VERY long, so: TL;DR: I'm a liberal, I've always been a liberal, but that doesn't mean what a lot of you apparently think it does.

Some of you suspected. Some of you were shocked. Many of you have known me for years, even the majority of my life. We either steadfastly avoided political topics, or I carefully steered conversations away from the more incendiary subjects in the name of keeping the peace. "I'm a liberal" isn't really something you broadcast in social circles where "the liberals" can't be said without wrinkling one's nose.

But then the 2016 election happened, and staying quiet wasn't an option anymore. Since then, I've received no shortage of emails and comments from people who were shocked, horrified, disappointed, disgusted, or otherwise displeased to realize I am *wrinkles nose* a liberal. Yep. I'm one of those bleeding heart commies who hates anyone who's white, straight, or conservative, and who wants the government to dictate everything you do while taking your money and giving it to people who don't work.

Or am I?

Let's break it down, shall we? Because quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for. Spoiler alert: Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines.

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. Period.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that's interpreted as "I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all." This is not the case. I'm fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it's impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes "let people die because they can't afford healthcare" a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I'm not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable and accessible to everyone. It doesn't necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I'm mystified as to why it can't work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don't believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don't want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can't afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don't throw around "I'm willing to pay higher taxes" lightly. I'm self-employed, so I already pay a shitload of taxes. If I'm suggesting something that involves paying more, that means increasing my already eye-watering tax bill. I'm fine with paying my share as long as it's actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn't have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal) All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I'm not "offended by Christianity" -- I'm offended that you're trying to force me to live by your religion's rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia on you? That's how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don't force it on me or mine.

8. I don't believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe we should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don't believe illegal immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they're supposed to be abusing, and if they're "stealing" your job it's because your employer is hiring illegally.). I'm not opposed to deporting people who are here illegally, but I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I believe we should take in refugees, or at the very least not turn them away without due consideration. Turning thousands of people away because a terrorist might slip through is inhumane, especially when we consider what has happened historically to refugees who were turned away (see: MS St. Louis). If we're so opposed to taking in refugees, maybe we should consider not causing them to become refugees in the first place. Because we're fooling ourselves if we think that somewhere in the chain of events leading to these people becoming refugees, there isn't a line describing something the US did.

11. I don't believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It's not that I want the government's hands in everything -- I just don't trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they're harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

12. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I'm butthurt over an election, but because I've spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

13. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege -- white, straight, male, economic, etc -- need to start listening, even if you don't like what you're hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that's causing people to be marginalized.

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you're using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person? Your refusal to adjust your vocabulary in the name of not being an asshole kind of makes YOU the snowflake.

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I'm a liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn't mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don't believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved.

So, I'm a liberal.

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luked4nuke · 4 years

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If, I were President of the United States. (I just wanna state I’m not a democrat or republican)

First I’d enforce Quarantine and extend it. I’d also attend the poorest families or individuals first and provide them with the financial assistance they need. People are struggling hard enough as it is living paycheck to paycheck.

Second I’d shut down the schools as I believe safty more important especially for the future kids who will rule this place. I also don’t like how schools give so much homework and stress. They just condition kids into beleiving working 40 hours a week is normal and that you should be lucky to have weekends. Staying in classes all day then returning home only to be forced to complete more homework that takes up time and robs them of social interactions. These schools don’t even test knowledge. They test obedience and reward them for being quiet little slaves that will slowly become a “regular worker.” They really don’t care about how smart you are, they test memory over all else, when they study a subject and pass the test they move on quickly to the next one stressing them out. If they failed the test, to bad they’re still moving on with you. (Sorry this got way of topic. I just hate how schools operate and also how low they pay the teachers)

Third I would dismantle the police force and create a new one. A better one that focuses on real problems like sex trafficking and drugs. All the horrible crimes that are allowed to fly under the radar. Any excessive use of force would be heavily punished. Fired, fined and jail time. No shooting at peaceful protesters, seriously dafaq is wrong with them unleashing hell upon unarmed civilians and sneaking in rioters to escalate it to justify the force.

Fourth, gold is a finite resource. Pretty much all the money you’ve ever spent is fake, all digital backed by nothing. Personally I hate it but you’ve all becomes achstomed to it so I would attempt to fix the economy so people can afford essential things, like homes and food. Instead of kicking out homeless people Id build shelters. They make it to easy to fall down into poverty and nearly impossible to climb back up. Once you’ve been arrested, once you’ve been homeless, you understand the struggle of trying to reintergrate with society. The easiest path become the dark one. I would attempt to control the population, America is a gigantic habitat and likewise it has a carrying capacity. If you’re gonna argue people have to pay unreasonable amounts of money for food you’re crazy.

Immigrants are definitely allowed as long as they follow the rules and don’t commit crimes. America was litterally founded on immigrants. American stole land from the natives violently and even managed to capture Hawaii, which was its own nation. They taxed us and recognized us as a small power. Iolani Palace has electricity flush toilets and even phones before the White House did. Queen Lili’uokalani signed in duress. It horrible and sheforfeited her whole kingdom in exchange for the people, as a leader should. The people make a country, the government already should put the people first. Without all the hardworking Americans working, there is no country.

We don’t serve the government. As a government worker we serve the people. It’s our duty to ensure everybody is treated fairly. To make sure everybody that we oversee has the essentials for life, a home and food.

And for LGBT rights. I personally don’t care what the heck they do. Love is love, let it be. They can chose to identify as whoever they want and pursue relationships with whoever. You can’t force things onto people. America is supposed to be freedom personified, we can chose to do as we please as long as we don’t bring harm to others. Those camps are wrong. America is also religion free, you can be whatever you want, Christian Muslim, litterally anything. Being a satanist is totally legal as long as you don’t hurt anything. Believe in what you want and don’t force it on others. Gay people are amazing! We all are, were all human and we can change and create change. We are all human at the core and we always have been. We have a right to love, and to be loved by all around us. Love is love, let it be, theres always been love. I can identify as a man or woman, and I can damn well love either as I please as long it’s reciprocated. I’d always rather say I love you too much then not enough.

Climate change is real. The pollution of those stupidly large companies is also VERY real. As an individual you contribute less than a percent of the actual pollution, it’s literally the big corporations. That needs to stop. I’m not exactly sure how but I AM GOING to start a wave of change that will benefit the worlds health. We all live here. This is not political, I don’t have time for games, scientists that have studied their whole lives are begging for us to change. We can all have solar electricity farms and then it’d be FREE. “But you can’t charge people for that you can’t make money.” I’m NOT TRYING TO MAKE MONEY I DO NOT CARE ANOUT MONEY. IM AIMING FOR SOMETHING BIGGER THAN GREED THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY. I don’t care about ruining electric companies and other random fossil fuels bullshits that will run out, I want the future to be bright!

Screw it im going off the rails, schools main courses should focus on stuff like self sustainment, like farming and wilderness survival. Creativity because that’s the most human thing about us! Empathy basic Psychology. Kids can get mad they should learn and understand why. Understand why they feel the feelings they feel and giving them all better emotional control. EMPATHY. They need to learn things like taxes since they’re such a big part. Also why the heck are taxes so complicated. It’s just targeting the illiterate foreigners and immigrants who struggle and try to understand it and I believe that’s horrible. Make it easier to become apart of America the land of freedom and the getaway from the crueler areas of earth. Maybe just limit the population. Also seriously fuck off with taxes! Why the hell are you charging and taxing 14 year olds that aren’t allowed to vote, thats taxation without representation.

Taxes should be like Mario kart and Ancient Greece. Quote from some thing I googled

“The philosopher Aristotle developed the theme. His "magnificent man" gave vast sums to the community. But poor men could never be "magnificent" because they did not have the financial means. True wealth consists in doing good, Aristotle argued in the Art of Rhetoric: in handing out money and gifts, and helping others to maintain an existence.

The idea is simple the higher up you are on the financial ladder the more you have to pay taxes and contribute to society. The large taxes from the rich help fund financial aid for the poor and stuff. The rich did not earn that money they climbed to top on top a mountain of millions of shortcuts and underpaid workers It should be an honor to be taxed and help the poor people survive. Like in Mario kart, the higher you’re placed the harder it is to maintain it and the last place people always get the better power ups giving them a constant fighting chance. At most I believe wealth should be hoarded to sustain like one generation of kids, two at the most. Maybe three but theres no reason anybody should have all that money that your never going to spend or all that money that becomes worthless once a war or breaks out or aliens attack or something. Life is more important than money. Something simple everyone should consider.

I think everybody should be able to pursue a career and each career should be sustainable. Enjoyment in a job of your choosing without worrying about financial burden. Jobs would be divided into smaller simple groups and the pay would based on their contribution to society. Like doctors getting paid more and getting teachers paid more, but small retailers wouldn’t get paid as much but they could survive not living paycheck to paycheck. The motivation is everybody should free to pursue the hobby they love without being punished. Maybe little Timmy doesn’t want to be a firefighter, maybe he desires a simple fun life selling flowers. That’s fine! Maybe they don’t wanna become the hero but it’ll be an honor to society. As long as you have a job that contributes to society you can live for free. If everybody is constantly trying to make the most profit, then we all become a bucket of crabs dragging each other down. I can’t sell my $10 good that costed me $2 to make. Also the whole buy back thing irritates me, I spent $60 on this goddamn game and GameStop can only give me like $10 in store credit or $5 in real life? That’s isn’t fair and that applies to pretty much everything. That’s $1000 phone you bought is barley worth $357 right now. I’m pretty sure it didn’t cost that much to make these things but like DAMN. Capitalism sucks.

In summary, I don’t know much about politics but I would be the human party. I don’t care about left or right. I’m the one that doesn’t care about money. I care more about life and creativity. Peoples right to enjoyment and living a happy life with others regardless of gender. Survival of the human race and advancement into the future where more things are free and we can constantly focus on creating an even BETTER one. We can’t go anywhere without each other especially if we’re all just a bucket of crabs. To greedy and self destructive constantly looking out only for themselves. Seriously get your act together humans before you kickstart your own downfall. If we’re all trying to make a profit, nobody does. The best things in life are free. You can pursue wealth for your future or you can focus and live and enjoy and love the now. Mario kart style, where all in this race for life and we all deserve a winning chance.

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cuthian · 4 years

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Starting Over Chapter Eight

Alright, this is it!

The next one... the next one is the one everyone's been waiting for, babies. Working on that now, and hopefully will have that done ASAP.

Thanks for sticking with me, lovelies.

Love, Annaelle (& Juulna, who is indispensable and without whom I could never do this).

Chapter Eight

AMERICAN SUPPORT FOR GAY RIGHTS MAY LEAVE AFRICANS VULNERABLE!

By Norimitsu Onishi

LAGOS, Nigeria — Suspicious neighbors and landlords pry into their private lives. Blackmailers hunt for victims on the social media sites they use to meet others of the same sex. Police officers routinely stop them to search for incriminating images and chats on their cellphones.

Since an anti-gay law went into effect last year, many gay Nigerians say they have been subjected to new levels of harassment, even violence. They blame the law, the authorities, and broad social intolerance for their troubles. But they also blame an unwavering supporter whose commitment to their cause has been unquestioned and conspicuous across Africa: the United States government.

“The U.S. support is making matters worse,” said Mike, 24, a university student studying biology in Minna, a town in central Nigeria, who asked that his full name not be used for his safety. “There’s more resistance now. It’s triggered people’s defense mechanisms.”

[…]Four years ago, the American government embarked on an ambitious campaign to expand civil rights for gay people overseas by marshalling its diplomats, directing its foreign aid, and deploying President Obama to speak before hostile audiences[...]Since 2012, the American government has put more than 700 million dollars into supporting gay rights groups and causes globally. More than half of that money has focused on sub-Saharan Africa — just one indication of this continent’s importance to the new policy.

America’s money and public diplomacy have opened conversations and opportunities in societies where the subject was taboo just a few years ago. But they have also made gay men and lesbians more visible — and more vulnerable.[…]other African nations weighing in on the situation for LGBT+ communities in Nigeria. King T’Chaka of Wakanda, a traditionally more reclusive nation, has expressed his intention to set up an outreach center for the at-risk population of Nigeria.

“Love has been considered simply love for centuries in Wakanda,” King T’Chaka said in a press conference, where he announced that his son, Prince T’Challa, would oversee the initial preparations for the center. “If we can help others achieve such calm and such peace in their lives, it is our duty to ensure it will be so. While we appreciate the support of the American government, the time has come for African nations to support each other”—Continued on Page 49

—Norimitsu Onishi, ‘American support for gay rights may leave Africans vulnerable’, The New York Times, 2 December 2015

——————————

Personal floor Of Steve Rogers, Becca Barnes and Thor, Avengers Tower, Manhattan, New York, U.S.A.

December 3rd, 2015 – 8:04 AM

Pepper

Pepper barely blinked when Steve opened the door with his hair askew, clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt that had clearly seen better days, with thick bags under his eyes.

“You look like shit,” she told him bluntly, because while she liked him well enough, she was a little grumpy about the fact he’d insisted she come down to his floor so early in the morning. She’d spent far too long throwing up this morning to pretend to be civil, and she was certain Steve would understand.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, opening the door wide so she could come in. “I know.”

She pushed past him and walked into the apartment, stopping only for a moment to raise an eyebrow at the state of it. She’d never known Steve to be exceptionally tidy, but he was certainly not a messy person either—it was, therefore, a big surprise to see the otherwise neat room looking quite chaotic.

There were pillows and blankets strewn across the couches and floor, along with what looked like enough empty snack wrappers to feed a small army—or one supersoldier, she supposed.

“Had some fun?” she asked bemusedly, turning to look at said supersoldier with a raised eyebrow.

Steve sighed and shook his head. “Becca came home last night,” he began, pushing past Pepper to pick up some of the blankets. “She was… well, upset, to say the least.”

Pepper frowned and turned towards the bedrooms, where she assumed Becca was. “What happened?” she demanded, glancing towards Steve concernedly. “Is Thor with her?” Thor and Becca weren’t meant to return to Earth for a few weeks yet, and to hear that Becca had returned, apparently horribly upset, was more than just a little concerning.

“No,” Steve shook his head. “I mean, I think he came with her to bring her back and to make sure she was alright, but she told me she didn’t want him to stay, so he left.”

Pepper spun around. “Why would she—”

Steve raised a hand and shook his head before she could complete the question. “Look, I’ve already told you more than I intended to. Becca—Becca should tell you the rest herself. I—” He sighed. “I don’t think I’m qualified to help her in this.”

Pepper pouted, but conceded the point. If it was indeed something personal, then Becca did deserve the chance to tell her herself.

“Is she in her room?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Steve nodded wordlessly, and Pepper sighed before moving towards the bedrooms. Becca’s room was shrouded in darkness still, but she could make out Becca’s still form on the bed, hardly more than a lump of blankets.

“Is she asleep?” she whispered to Steve, who had followed her into the hallway and was leaning back against the wall behind her, looking for all the world like he was about to fall asleep where he stood.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “Maybe? She was earlier, but she basically cried herself to sleep, so I don’t—I don’t know if she’s still asleep.”

He rubbed a hand through his hair, and Pepper was abruptly struck by how extremely tired he looked.

“Go to bed, Steve,” she told him sternly. “I’ll talk to her. We’ll be fine.”

The fact that he didn’t argue with her, only nodded tiredly before sulking off down the hallway to his own room, only reassured her that he was actually exhausted. She turned towards Becca’s room again, biting her lower lip as she tried to figure out what would’ve had the other woman so upset she’d spent the entire night crying in Steve’s arms rather than her boyfriend’s.

She would’ve assumed it a break-up, if not for the fact that she knew Becca and Thor’s relationship was about as rock solid as any relationship could be. Not only that, but if their relationship had been rockier than they’d shared with anyone else, Pepper was reasonably sure Thor would never have put so much effort into organizing the trip to Asgard.

No, the problem likely lay solely at Thor’s father’s feet.

From what she’d heard, the man had opposed the relationship for almost as long as Becca and Thor had been together, and he didn’t shy away from playing dirty to get what he wanted. She just… she couldn’t imagine what Odin could’ve said or done to make Becca decide to come home rather than stay with Thor—what he could’ve said or done to make Becca insist that Thor leave her alone.

She uncrossed her arms from over her chest and walked into Becca’s room, crawling onto the large bed with the younger woman and wriggling lightly until her head rested on the pillow next to Becca’s.

She remained quiet for a bit longer, listening to Becca’s breathing for a few minutes before she said, “I know you’re awake, Gummy Bear,” she said quietly, smiling a little when Becca huffed in annoyance before she rolled over to face Pepper.

“Hi,” Becca croaked. “Steve call you?”

Pepper nodded. “He’s worried. What’s going on, sweetheart?” She reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Becca’s ear, fingers lingering on the younger woman’s cheek before she dropped her hand to the bed. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Becca’s eyes were suspiciously shiny, and her lower lip trembled. “I don’t—I don’t know how to say it.”

“Are you and Thor—” Pepper suggested carefully, but Becca interrupted her before she even finished speaking.

“No!”

Becca blinked, and Pepper thought they were both a little startled by the harsh denial.

“We’re fine,” she continued shakily. “It’s just…” She shook her head again and rolled onto her back, pushing her hand into her messy hair. Pepper kept her eyes on Becca as the other woman tried to collect her thoughts, trying to discern anything that would give her more of a clue as to what could have happened to freak her out this bad.

Becca heaved a sigh and rolled her head to face Pepper again. “I’m pregnant.”

Pepper blinked. “Oh.”

She looked away for a second, abruptly recalling Thor’s casual certainty that the pregnancy he sensed wasn’t Becca’s—clearly, he’d been mistaken there. “How did Thor take it?” she asked carefully, because she wouldn’t ever disrespect Becca by asking if the baby was Thor’s at all.

Becca scoffed quietly. “I think he’s ecstatic. Not that he’s told me that—he’s…” she exhaled roughly, voice thick with tears. “He’s trying so hard not to pressure me, but I—” she broke off and shook her head. “I can’t make this kind of decision on my own.”

She turned towards Pepper again, tears running down her cheeks, and choked, “I don’t want to do this on my own.”

“Oh, Gummy Bear,” Pepper breathed, opening her arms readily to catch Becca when she pitched forward, bursting into tears again. She rubbed her hand across Becca’s back as she sobbed, and immediately understood why Steve had looked so entirely exhausted.

She felt instantly horrible for thinking it, and held Becca a little tighter.

“Maybe you should tell him that,” she suggested softly, running her fingers through Becca’s hair like she’d been doing since Becca was an insecure teenager with a desperate need for a female role model in her life. “He might be a god, but he can’t read your mind, Becs. Maybe he’s scared too.”

“He wants kids,” Becca whispered, not lifting her head from Pepper’s shoulder. “I know he wants them, he’s told me that he does—it just… I didn’t think I… that we would ever…” She sniffed. “After Iraq, I put it out of my mind. No use in wanting what I couldn’t have. And then with Thor, I—it didn’t matter anyway, because we couldn’t. And now I…” she shrugged helplessly. “Now I don’t know what I want.”

Pepper swallowed thickly.

She hadn’t known the full extent of the consequences to Becca’s capture and torture, but she’d known some were long-lasting. She wondered if Tony and Rhodey had known—she supposed Rhodey must’ve known, given he had been with Becca for most of her recovery overseas, and Tony had barely left her side once she’d been returned to the States—and then decided it didn’t matter if they’d known.

All that mattered was that Becca was clearly having trouble processing the pregnancy.

“How about,” Pepper suggested slowly, thoughtfully, “you and I take a few days away. I know this spa that’s perfectly safe for pregnant people—designed for us, really. We can get massages, relax, and you can take the time to think things through, without having the pressure of everyone being there to ask you about it all the time. You can talk to me, or your grandmother, or your therapist, but you don’t have to.”

Becca was quiet for a beat.

“Okay,” she said quietly. “And then I need to talk to Thor. It’s not just my life.”

Pepper sighed. “No, it isn’t.”

“I just,” Becca croaked. “I love him. I don’t want this to break us.”

Pepper tightened her arms around Becca but didn’t say anything. Offering her a meaningless platitude wouldn’t help—she couldn’t promise that this wouldn’t break Becca and Thor. Things like these were deal breakers in relationships for a lot of people, and Pepper couldn’t say if it would be one for Thor and Becca too.

She didn’t think Becca knew if it was one either.

“You’ll figure it out, Gummy Bear,” she said softly. “You’re not alone in this. We got you.”

——————————

BREAKING: “IRON MAN AND CAPTAIN AMERICA ARRESTED BY NYPD OFFICERS FOR DESTRUCTION OF CITY PROPERTY AND RESISTING ARREST.”

4December 2015 — Cities are, of course, as we all know, hard places. Filled with concrete, asphalt, wood and steel surfaces, urban centers manifest their edge physically as well as metaphorically. Much of what makes cities seem unfriendly is not happenstance; they are intentionally engineered to keep us moving. The trick to urban design that creates discomfort, known as “hostile architecture”, is that its tools are hidden in plain sight.

[…]more aggressive forms of such “hostile architecture” have been popping up in recent years, to greater protest of city residents. […]problems with architectures of control is that they don’t discriminate. An uncomfortable bench is as uncomfortable for a homeless person as it is for a tired passerby or for someone looking for a place to read. Moreover […] doesn’t address the underlying problem of homelessness.

They simply shift it from one area to another, or worst still, reduce its visibility.

There have been many widespread campaigns insisting on the removal of such blatant “hostile architecture”, such as spikes and uncomfortable seating areas, if there are any at all. Many celebrities have put their names behind such campaigns, but none have been so blatant about their support as Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, and Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America.

[…]both men were captured on camera as they destroyed several of such spikes and broke off an uncomfortably placed seat divide, constantly insincerely apologizing to the police officers who arrived at the scene shortly after, refusing to move until they had finished thoroughly destroying every spike and every trace of such “hostile architecture”.

[…]NYPD put out a statement saying that they indeed arrested two men in relation to the incident and charged them with property damage, but would release no names with the statement.

[…]James Rhodes was seen exiting the 1st Precinct mere hours after the arrest was made, pinching the bridge of his nose, while Rogers and Stark high-fived behind him. There has been no official commentary from the Avengers Press Team, nor Stark Industries representatives.

—John Michael Kilbane, ‘Iron Man and Captain America Arrested for Destruction of Public Property’, Topic Online Magazine, 4 December 2015

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Tony Stark’s lab, Stark Industries R&D Floor, Avengers Tower, Manhattan, New York, U.S.A.

December 4th, 2015 – 7:31 PM

Steve

“Uh,” Steve said, swinging his legs idly as he scrolled on his phone, frowning at the small screen in confusion. “Tony. Why is someone called Farhan Zaidi emailing me about meeting with him and a guy called Andrew Friedman at my earliest convenience?”

He was perched on one of the workbenches in Tony’s lab, where they had wisely retreated before Pepper got her hands on them—she was decidedly unhappy about the PR nightmare they’d created when they’d accidentally broken some exceptionally hostile benches and seating areas—listening to Tony’s chatter about something involving his Harley that he should probably be more concerned about.

Last time he’d given Tony free reign to tinker on his bike, he’d ended up with something that could’ve easily doubled as a rocket.

Tony looked up, hair wild and spiked in several gravity-defying directions, a smear of oil or grease on his cheek and grinned. “Because you’re the new owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, Rogers. Gotta meet with your general manager and your president of baseball operations to talk shop. Financial projections, your yearly contribution to its funds, stuff like that.”

“What?”

Something a lot like panic burned hot in his chest, and he looked up at Tony abruptly. “Tony,” he choked. “I don’t know anything about running a baseball team! Or financial projections! I didn’t even finish high school, and I was terrible at math. I made Bucky do my homework.”

Tony looked up, likely disturbed by the abject panic in his voice, and his expression immediately softened into something more sympathetic. “Hey,” he said, getting to his feet as he wiped his hands on the nearest rag—which Steve suspected was an old band t-shirt. “Don’t worry about shit like that; I was kidding. We got other people to do that kind of stuff, alright? They probably want to meet their new celebrity owner, that’s all.”

Steve swallowed thickly and nodded shakily.

“Think of the children, Steven,” Tony said seriously, although he was barely hiding his smirk, and Steve snorted a laugh despite himself.

There weren’t a lot of things that set him off like this anymore, and most of them were triggers he hadn’t even known he had himself, so he was grateful to all of the other Avengers—and mostly Tony, who had surprised him by patiently showing him coping methods to get through the sudden panic—for not judging him when one came up so suddenly.

“Fine,” he chuckled. “Alright.”

Tony grinned when Steve relaxed, reaching out to poke him in the shoulder with the wrench he was still holding. “Also, I’m totally calling bullshit on you being bad at math—I’ve seen you calculate angles in a split second! You wield that physics defying shield of yours using the power of math, don’t deny it!”

Steve smiled and shook his head. “It’s not math,” he denied. “I mean—I just… I look, and then I know where to throw it and how to hit the wall to make it rebound.”

Tony snorted derisively. “It’s math, Rogers, don’t pretend.”

Steve chuckled and put his phone down, leaning back on his hands. “Sure, Tony.”

Tony just shook his head and retreated to the Harley, and the both of them fell silent for a few minutes before Tony piped up again. “So. You made your boyfriend do your homework. Tell me more, Steven. How did you convince him to do that? Were you able to make a compelling argument?” He waggled his eyebrows and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous expression he made.

“I didn’t have to convince him,” Steve chuckled. “He was a fucking nerd, he loved doing our homework. You realize we’re talking about the same guy that took me on a date to a science fair for fun.” He rolled his eyes at Tony and shook his head. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Stark.”

“No can do, mon capitaine,” Tony crowed. “It is my favorite summer home.”

“I’ll be sure to inform Pepper of that,” Steve deadpanned, reaching for the sketchbook and charcoal pencils Tony still denied he bought specifically for Steve, settling in to sketch Tony as he bent over Steve’s Harley again, trying to lose himself in the familiar scratch of the pencil on paper, relishing in the way it helped the buzzing in his head quiet down a little.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, Tony tinkering and Steve sketching, but when he looked up again, Tony had moved on to digging a screwdriver into one of his Iron Man gauntlets, frowning at the flickering blue light of the repulsor node as though it had personally betrayed him.

He had several completed sketches of Tony in various poses, and his hand stilled when he realized he’d somehow slipped into a sketch of Howard, bent over a workbench that held several rifles with Bucky by his side, an excited grin on his lips. Steve smiled when he recalled that day—he had been tied up in meetings for most of their stay on base, and Bucky had decided to bug Howard about upgrades to his rifle. Steve had found them six hours later, arguing heatedly about the best guns and the necessary upgrades to Bucky’s slightly alarming and continually growing weapons arsenal.

It’d been a good day.

“That my old man?”

Tony’s voice startled Steve from his reverie, and he looked up to find the man standing right in front of him, looking at the sketch with an entirely unreadable expression.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “Talking guns with Bucky. Constantly trying to make upgrades.”

Tony snorted humorlessly, tossing the rag he’d been wiping his hands on aside carelessly. “Yeah. Figuring out how to make deadly weapons more efficient. Sounds like him alright.”

Steve winced.

He knew that Tony’s relationship with his father had been strained and that Howard had not been the best of fathers to his genius son, but it was difficult, still, to reconcile the memory of the joyous, enthusiastic man he’d known—annoying and arrogant as he may have been, at times—with the cold and callous father Tony described.

“Sorry,” Tony said gruffly, and Steve looked up, surprised.

Tony rolled his eyes at him and sighed. “I’m not entirely without self-awareness, Cap. The man I knew and the man you knew were clearly different people. The war… I think the war must’ve broken him. Must’ve hardened something in him—made him obsessive, angry…” Tony shrugged helplessly. “And he hated me because I wasn’t you.”

Steve looked away and shifted uncomfortably. He’d known that Howard was fond of him and Bucky, had liked hanging around with them, talking like he was part of the Howlies, like he was one of them, even though he was never a part of the fighting, even though he only supplied the weapons and stayed far from the blood-soaked, grueling reality of war.

“I don’t think he really knew me,” Steve said quietly. “I don’t think he saw me, really.”

Tony sighed. “That makes two of us.”

They were both silent for a moment before Tony heaved another, heavier, sigh and plopped down on one of his favored wheelie chairs, rubbing his hands through his hair, making it stick up even worse than it had been already. “Was he gay?” Tony blurted abruptly, and he looked about as surprised by his own question as Steve was.

Nonetheless, once it was out there, Tony seemed determined to continue.

“Do you think?” he added, shifting restlessly on his rolling chair. “I mean, I’m sure you might not know at all, but do you think he might’ve been—do you think that’s why he was so… so obsessed with you?”

Steve blinked, entirely caught off guard by the questions—by the implication—and shook his head.

“I thought,” he hesitated, “I thought he was in love with Peggy. I was surprised to hear he married someone else, when I woke up. That he had loved someone else enough to marry her.” Steve shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know, Tony. I don’t think he was gay, though.”

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know if there was a lot of love between my parents. To be honest, I always kind of figured they got married because she was pregnant with me.”

Steve bit his lip. “I’m sorry that he turned out the way he did,” he offered.

Tony shrugged. “I’m glad you weren’t like he described you,” he finally said, refusing to meet Steve’s eye. “I kind of don’t hate your ass, Rogers.”

“Awe,” Steve crooned at Tony, because he could tell Tony was uncomfortable talking about this, and Steve was nothing if not a bit of an asshole. “I love your ass too, Tony.” He tossed the sketchbook aside and leapt off the table, reaching out towards Tony as if to hug him, relishing in the way Tony shrieked when he realized what Steve was doing, slapping at his hands ineffectively.

“No!” Tony shouted, stumbling off his chair as if it was on fire, skidding around a table to get away from Steve. “Stay there, Rogers! You’ve not unlocked this level of friendship yet.”

Steve smirked before he pouted at Tony playfully. “Awe, Tony. Lemme love on ya a bit, yeah?”

“Nope,” Tony yelled as he fled the lab with Steve on his heels, making obnoxious kissing noises.

——————————

Personal floor Of Steve Rogers, Becca Barnes and Thor, Avengers Tower, Manhattan, New York, U.S.A.

December 9th, 2015 – 3:01 PM

Becca

As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, she exhaled, resting her back against its flat surface for a moment to gather her bearings. The spa Pepper had taken her to for the week had, despite her own expectations, helped to settle her increasingly frantic thoughts, and having Pepper to talk to had helped her sort through her thoughts and feelings about the… about the baby and what it meant for her future—with or without Thor.

She’d even talked it through with Steve a little.

She exhaled shakily and dropped her bag to the floor before crossing the room to collapse on her bed.

“Hey, Heimdall,” she said slowly, feeling a little stupid for essentially talking to thin air, but she figured it was the most surefire way to make sure Thor would get the message. He’d told her, once, that if she needed him when he was on Asgard, she just had to call for Heimdall and he would send for him.

She hoped that was still true.

“Could you—could you tell Thor I want to see him? Please?”

Predictably, there was no answer.

Becca heaved another sigh and kicked off her sneakers before wiggling up the bed until her head was comfortably situated on a pillow. She stared up at the ceiling for a long moment, hands folded together on her stomach, trying to prepare for what she needed to say to Thor when he got there.

She’d… not practiced, per se, more like... gone over what she needed to say with Pepper and Steve, but the prospect of actually having to have a serious discussion with Thor about their future for the first time in their entire relationship was scary. It wasn’t that they’d never had serious discussions, or that they avoided talking about the future entirely, just that…

Just that it was complicated.

It wasn’t just about what they wanted—their relationship had bigger ramifications than just for them. Thor was the crown prince of Asgard, and while Asgard wasn’t a human nation, she imagined their ideas about succession and heirs worked just about the same as they did on Earth.

If they kept the baby… They’d have to find out what that would mean for Asgard, for Thor, for the line of succession, and they’d have to find out how they wanted their relationship to progress from this point forward. She would have to decide if she could live with… with knowing that if she stayed with Thor, she’d be giving him a commitment for the rest of her life, knowing he couldn’t promise her the same kind of commitment.

She hadn’t… she hadn’t really let herself think about it.

She wanted Thor to be happy, of course, and if they did stay together, if Thor outlived her… she wouldn’t want him to have to mourn her forever, but…

It just felt unequal.

It felt unfair to both of them that, even if he’d want to, Thor wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of his life with her. She didn’t want it to feel like as much of a big deal as it did, because it wasn’t like this was new, or that she hadn’t known about this from the start, but here she was.

Her hand drifted down without any conscious thought, and she swallowed thickly when her fingers pressed against the slightly more sensitive skin on her lower belly. “I hope you know,” she said aloud, although she felt a little silly for talking to what was essentially a clump of cells at this point, “that whatever happens, your dad is going to adore you. And I… I will too, I think, for as long as I’m here. I just hope you won’t think too badly of me when I mess up.”

“I imagine if our child is anything like you, it could never think poorly of you, Krúttið mitt.”

She sat up abruptly and stared at Thor, who stood in the doorway, hair windblown and messy, dressed in the loose black trousers that he wore to sleep, and a long, red overcoat. He offered her a small, uncertain smile, but made no move to come closer without her say-so.

She swallowed thickly. “Hi,” she offered lamely.

Thor smiled indulgently—though nervously—and replied, “Hi, Becca.”

“I missed you,” Becca blurted, cheeks heating a little as the words fell from her lips—that was not what she’d been meaning to say. She wasn’t sure what she had been trying to say, but it wasn’t that.

True as it might be.

Thor, however, took it in stride and moved into the room, closing the door behind him.

He didn’t move to sit on the bed—their bed—and made to sit in the armchair instead, but Becca suddenly couldn’t stand the distance between them anymore. “No,” she told him abruptly. “No, please, if… you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but—can you please sit with me?”

Thor remained still for a moment, halfway between the bed and the armchair, eyes searching hers for… something, before he nodded. “Of course, Krúttið mitt.”

Becca watched, feeling far more nervous about being so close to Thor than she ever had before, as he approached the bed and crawled over to sit beside her. She exhaled shakily and leaned in, pressing their shoulders together—a simple touch that dispelled more of the tension between them than she’d expected it would.

“Have you—” Thor began carefully, “—have you been able to give our… our child some thought?”

She caught the way his hand twitched, and the way his eyes strayed towards her still-flat belly, and swallowed thickly. It took her a moment to decide to move, to decide that she needed to be able to look him straight in the eye while she said what she needed to say—

She sat up again and turned towards Thor, crossing her legs beneath her.

Thor mirrored her position without complaint and reached out to take her hands in his.

Becca swallowed and looked down at their hands for a moment before she said, “I need you to tell me what you want. I know you’ve been keeping your thoughts on… on us, on the baby, on what you really want to yourself because you didn’t want to pressure me with it, and I really appreciate that, but I need to know what you want now.” She swallowed against the tears that burned in her eyes and squeezed Thor’s fingers before she continued, “I can’t make this decision on my own, and I don’t want to either. Whatever we decide to do will have consequences for more than just us, and I think… I think we need to discuss them, at least.”

Thor nodded seriously. “I’ve not said anything to… to avoid putting more pressure on you.”

Becca smiled tightly and squeezed his hands again. “And I appreciate that. I needed the time to process this, and I have, but… I don’t think we can make a decision about this, about the future without talking about the consequences.”

“That is fair,” Thor nodded. “And I… I suppose you’re right. I hadn’t properly considered the consequences yet, but you are right in saying that we should.” He smiled at her and added, “I sense that you have questions—that there are things you need to know.” He squeezed his fingers around hers and swept his thumb across her knuckles. “Ask me what you want to know, elskan min.”

Becca nodded and looked down, thinking. “Would you name our baby your heir? Could you even do that if we’re not married? Do we need to get married—do you even want that? Was that what that dance meant, at the feast? And I mean… How would that even work, with our lifespans? And for that matter…Will the baby have your lifespan or mine?”

Thor blinked, and Becca felt momentarily bad for the barrage of questions she’d unleashed on him, before he chuckled and shook his head. “Never one to do things by halves, are you, Krúttið mitt?”

She smiled sheepishly, and Thor chuckled again before his forehead creased into a frown. “I would name our child my heir,” he said decisively. “There are no definitive laws that state that I cannot, or that I must be married to the mother of said child, although…” He hesitated and looked up at her, “I would not be opposed. I did not think I would ever consider marriage after Loki, but… The intention was what I signified to the people when I danced inn matki munr with you, and I would greatly enjoy making the suggestion a reality—ifyou wanted that too.”

Becca stared at him.

“Oh,” she choked.

She… she wasn’t sure what she’d expected him to say, but it hadn’t been that. She’d been very careful not to think of their relationship as anything more than temporary because she knew how he felt about marriage after losing Loki, and because it seemed like such an impossibility for an Aesir god to want to marry a simple human.

She huffed.

This was like finding out about the baby all over again.

Maybe she should revisit her coping mechanism of not thinking about things she couldn’t have anyway—it’d blown up in her face twice now.

“Are you sure? she asked quietly. “You could marry an Aesir—someone like Sif. She’s beautiful, and I’m sure she loves you, even if you don’t think so. And I don’t think your father would try so hard to separate you as he does with us. He probably wouldn’t have you sleep in different wings of the palace, and he’d definitely acknowledge her as more than your ‘guest’.”

She snorted and shook her head.

“He’d probably rejoice. He was going to betroth you to her before Loki came along. It’d be so much easier...” she trailed off and looked away from him, her stomach tying itself in uncomfortable knots at the thought of Thor being with Sif instead.

She nearly jumped when Thor’s fingers suddenly touched her cheek lightly, tilting her chin up so she’d look at him. “Perhaps it would be easier,” Thor said frankly, softly. “But it would not be real, Rebecca. Not real like what you and I have managed to build together. I’ve told you before, Krúttið mitt, and I’ll say it again as often as you like: I’m yours. However long you want me for, I’m yours.”

She swallowed thickly, blinking back tears as she looked at him. “What if that’s for the rest of my life?” she whispered, pulling his hand—the hand that was still curled around hers—to her belly, resting it just above where their baby was growing.

Thor rubbed his thumb over her cheek tenderly and smiled. “Then we will work hard to ensure we have the happiest life imaginable. Together.”

A tear ran down her cheek, and she smiled weakly. “…and if I want you for the rest of your life?”

Thor’s smile never wavered, even as he leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss to her lips. “Then I will find a way to give you that,” he whispered against her lips, resting their foreheads together.

Becca sobbed again, dryly and tiredly, and slung her arms around Thor, hugging him close and allowing him to manhandle her until they were stretched out on the bed together, pressed together from head to toe.

“Thor?” she said quietly, leaning back a little so she could look at him without going cross-eyed. Thor moved back a little too, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, and Becca loved him. “I think I want to keep the baby,” she told him quietly.

Thor smiled, leaning in to kiss her briefly. “Me too,” he said when he leaned back. “Me too.”

——————————

Residence of Samuel Wilson, Washington D.C., U.S.A.

December 12th, 2015 – 9:34 AM

Steve

“So are we ever going to talk about it?”

Steve looked up from where he was drowning his pancakes in syrup and blinked at Sam, who was seated across from him at the kitchen island, both of them still dressed in their running gear. They’d gone running early that morning, despite Steve’s late arrival back in D.C. for the weekend the previous night, and Steve had thoroughly enjoyed running literal laps around Sam to annoy the other man.

He’d missed their easy comradery and Sam’s good-natured teasing, and it felt good to be away from New York for a bit. He loved it still—it was his city, after all, the city he’d died to save—and he enjoyed living in the Tower well enough, because he liked being so close to all of the others, but it got suffocating sometimes too.

Sam’s offer for him to stay the weekend had come at the perfect time—now that Becca and Thor had decided on their future, it was like they’d reverted back to the early stages of their relationship, where they were utterly unable to keep their hands off of each other.

Steve was a little tired of walking in on them everywhere.

Things had been a lot less tense at Sam’s place.

Up until now, of course.

“Talk about what?” he asked, innocently blinking at Sam, because he did have some idea of what it was that Sam meant, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to address it already. Their… their thing was mostly unspoken and Steve had let it be that way because he really did like Sam a lot, and he found him very attractive, but… but he still couldn’t really imagine actually actively being with him.

With anyone.

Sam gave him a flat look, and Steve relented, putting down the syrup and leaning his forearms on the kitchen island. “Sam,” he sighed, looking up at the other man from beneath his lashes. “Do we have to do this now?”

“We have to at some point,” Sam said reasonably. “I’d rather not keep avoiding it until we start resenting each other.” He shrugged. “We gotta talk about what we want this,” he gestured between them, “to be.”

Steve sighed. It wasn’t like they were constantly teetering on the edge of being friends and being more, but there had been plenty of moments where they’d passed firmly into the gray area between friendship and… more. Steve knew they needed to acknowledge those moments, that they couldn’t ignore them indefinitely, but… God, it was just easier to let things happen.

It’d worked well enough for Thor and Becca—who said it couldn’t for him and Sam?

He caught Sam’s eye and sighed again.

“Yeah,” he admitted, “yeah, okay. Look, it’s…” He rubbed his hands across his face and groaned. “I’ve spent the last few days watching my best friend agonize about whether her future would include the man she loved, or if they were just doomed for failure, if it’d be easier on them both if they gave up now—and she picked him. They chose each other, and God, I want that.” He looked up at Sam with watery eyes and smiled weakly. “I want that, Sam. I miss that. And I want more than anything to love someone like that again, but I don’t…” he shook his head. “I don’t think I can, and I don’t think I will any time soon either.”

He was a little surprised by his own expressiveness, but he had been thinking about it for a while, despite his reluctance to actually talk about it out loud.

Sam reached out and patted his hand comfortingly. “Look,” he said slowly, “I never expected you to be able to shrug off the loss of a fifteen-year relationship as intense as yours just like that, man.” He shrugged. “Lord knows it took me forever, and Riley and I had only been together a few years. Maybe our timing’s just… off.”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. “Maybe.”

They were both silent for a bit before Steve continued, “So… I know we said just friends before, but… I really can’t handle more than a friend right now, so can we—can we just go to being friends for real this time? Is—is that okay?”

“Yeah, Steve,” Sam smiled, looking a little relieved, and a little sad. “That’s okay.” He grinned cheekily and added, “That does mean you should probably sleep on the couch tonight though.” Steve snorted a laugh and tossed a strawberry at Sam, who just ducked it and threw one of his own back.

They didn’t usually share the bed, but they’d both been exhausted by the time Steve made it to D.C., and Sam hadn’t made up the couch for him yet.

Steve hadn’t minded the intimacy of it.

He’d been sharing beds with people for as long as he could remember; with his ma and Bucky, and later with the Howlies too, on colder nights during the war—it wasn’t something exclusive to his relationship with Bucky, and it didn’t trigger him so much as other things did.

Steve knew that Sam wouldn’t mind sharing the bed even now, whether they were friends or more, but he could see how it would be awkward tonight. As relaxed and easy and uncomplicated as it had been yesterday, he imagined that being semi-rejected by one’s semi-love interest was something Sam probably needed to wrap his head around.

He could probably do with the privacy.

Still.

Steve was a little shit at heart, and so he couldn’t just roll over and take it. “I’ll wrestle ya for the bed,” he told Sam cheekily, dodging another strawberry neatly.

Sam pointed his fork at Steve menacingly. “I will beat your skinny white ass.”

Steve gaped at him. “I’m a supersoldier,” he exclaimed. “I can literally punch through a wall. I punched a tank once.” He winced at the memory—not because he had actually managed to hurt himself, but because Bucky had been furious with him and had spent over an hour yelling at him after shooting every Nazi in his way in the face.

Sam chuckled. “Irrelevant. I know your weak spot.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at him, because he was fairly certain no one alive knew about the ticklish spot just above the back of his left knee, but it seemed like an awful big risk to take nonetheless.

“You win this round,” he told Sam reluctantly, and pointed his fork at the other man in a way that might’ve been menacing if there hadn’t been a piece of syrup-soaked pancake speared on its tines. “But watch your back, Wilson.”

Sam just chuckled.

—————————

Undisclosed Hydra Base, New York City, New York, United States of America

December 12

, 2015 – 3:32 PM Alexander Pierce

He watched detachedly as the technicians went through the procedure of thawing the Soldier, catching the man as he fell out of the tube and dragging the limp man across the room and securing him into the chair. Thick metal bands were secured around his wrists and ankles, and Pierce raised an eyebrow when the men went a step further and secured a similar kind of metal harness around the Soldier’s torso.

“A necessary precaution,” one of the doctors told him when he saw his expression. “It’s usually disoriented and violent when brought out of cryo—more so, according to records, when it’s due for new calibration.”

“Very well,” Pierce nodded. “How long will it take to get it operational again?”

The doctor shrugged. “Anywhere between ten and fourteen sessions.” He gestured to the notes he held and added, “According to Zola’s notes from the last time the Asset had to be recalibrated entirely, it took them seventeen months to rebreak him and then recondition him.”

Pierce ground his teeth. “Very well,” he hissed. “Get on with it then.” He turned on his heel, stalking out of the room, the door falling shut behind him just as the doctor began, “Желани—"

To Be Continued in “Dancing in the Rain”.

—————————

Start from the beginning:

In Hell We Stand By You:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Never Feel Alone:

(1) (2)

Decisions: (1)

Dancing with a Limp:

(1) (2)

Chances:

(1)

Starting Over:

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

Or read it HERE on AO3 :D Find the sequel HERE on Tumblr :)

#IHWSBY sequel #starting over #Stucky #Stucky fanfiction #Steve rogers #thor #Rebecca barnes #avengers family #my writing #Lisa writes

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tempestaurora · 5 years

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endgame opinions

spoilers under the cut. i’ve opened my dms so feel free to come and scream/yell/cry/whatever with me. this turned out really long because i start speculating half way through as well as talking about opinions.

let’s start with harley keener, my son, who was literally only in the movie for a second, at the fucking funeral. are you kidding me. and a lot of people don’t know what ty simpkins looks like now?? so even my friend didn’t know who he was until i started physically vibrating in my seat

HOWEVER, he and peter are in the same location, which totally opens up a plausible reason for them to know each other, become best friends/brothers/roommates at MIT

it’s sad that it was just him standing alone though, like no one stood with him, like his mother or anyone. that’s sad.

i wrote a harley keener infinity war fic so like,, feel free to read that to get the harley keener endgame feelings we DESERVE

aNYWAY, good film

i enjoyed it a lot for the most part, like i have so few complaints its unreal

it’s a genuinely funny film that didn’t feel like it was shoehorning in comedic relief, but like the movie was SUPPOSED to be lighter and funnier and drama was happening in between

i didn’t care for the ending in the slightest fuck that

i’m pissed about being lied to by the directors about a canon gay character. they sat up there on their high horses, congratulating themselves for a job well done for diversity, when it was just a fucking extra with no name, referring to a male partner twice. that’s it. you’re fucking kidding me if you think that’s diversity, if the russos truly think that was worth getting our hopes up for.

you know who could’ve been confirmed lgbt? valkyrie. steve. bucky. tony. (and no, tony appreciating steve’s ass doesn’t confirm our bi father, son and holy spirit on screen, unfortunately.)

that’s a fucking joke, russos. i hope they’re fucking ashamed of that.

(i really was watching that final bucky/steve scene and hoping for some hint of, it was always you, you know and got fucking nothing. i barely even ship stucky and i know that it should’ve been them)

the clint/natasha fight on vormir was the best scene, hands down. there’s no competition here. it was the best moment of the film, and despite my annoyance at the russos seeing that the audience didn’t appreciate gamora dying to further a man’s arc, and then fucking doing it again, i really did like that scene

i figured nat was gonna die but i didn’t think i’d actually be sad about it

as soon as they said they were going to vormir i knew the fight would happen and it lived up to every expectation and some

the barton home cold open was fantastic

why the ever loving FUCK was carol danvers so forcefully advertised to us?????? why were we told over and over and over that carol was gonna kill thanos, that she was gonna save the day, that the avengers literally had zero chance without her????? she had four minutes of screentime what the fuck

i appreciate her and peter’s interaction though that was cute and he was wrecked

the peter/tony reunion was cute af, glad they finally got their hug

also, i always wanted peter to call him tony but like that???? nah

side note, don’t remember in the slightest what rhodey and peter said as tony died because i was sitting there going, he’s not actually gonna die, obviously, that’s not gonna happen, they’re gonna make us think he will and then he’ll come back so i missed both their goodbyes

i know it was a 3 hour film but there was space for... more. there should’ve been more. where was rocket and groot’s reunion? where was bucky and steve’s?

where did valkyrie get a fucking pegasus from

bruce and hulk’s new system is hilarious but the fact that he dabbed pains me

bruce wielding the gauntlet was so incredibly left field i loved it, like no one guessed that he’d be the one to bring everyone back. no one

scott did great

i’m not sure if i can settle myself with this five year time jump for a whole host of reasons

1. do we have, officially, a new cassie lang actress? is our iconic abby ryder fortson leaving us for an older actress???

2. far from home takes place, supposedly, a week after endgame. it was one of the reasons i believed tony wouldn’t die, because it seems like a wholly upbeat film - and y’all saw his face at the funeral, he was fucking gone - and it’s even been confirmed to be lighter and funnier, so there better be some fucking low blow that takes peter out on the tony front (but did the writers/directors even know tony had died when they made the film? will it be ignored altogether?) back to the main point:

2a. it’s around the year 2023 and as soon as the entire world comes back, there’s a two week field trip to europe that peter and all his classmates have somehow paid for, signed permission slips for, and arranged, despite the fact that they’ve all been dead for five years. and i mean all. literally the entire main cast of spiderman is still in peter’s class, they haven’t grown up and moved on. the entire fucking cast got dusted.

3. we didn’t really get to see tony and steve make up??? they kinda just brushed over everything

i almost cried seeing ned leeds and peter reunite

okay now the biggies:

i’m Not Okay with tony stark dying

i’m not

it’s not just that he’s my favourite character and i care about him above all others, it’s that his entire arc has been about first, accountability, and second, leaving the fight. yes, it’s also got a lot of heart motifs and mentions of sacrifice too. i understand that. but tony has been wrestling with his father’s legacy and the kind of father he’ll be since day one.

he deserved his happy ending.

not just five years. not just a daughter who will know OF him but not know him, who’ll forget the short time of memories she has in due course. he deserved to grow old with his daughter and his wife and the kid whose photo he placed on the shelf in the kitchen, where he could see it every day.

he does deserve rest. but he deserves the kind of rest where he’s alive.

i have said before that if tony stark dies, i stop watching the mcu, and tbh, might actually go through with it. i don’t know if i really want to watch the films, knowing he’s gone? (and that they could’ve used either the time stone, or, you know, their time travel machine, to go two weeks back, grab that tony and bring him into the present. say, hey, you died, but now you can keep living.)

and steve.

oh steve.

i love steve rogers, i do. i absolutely adore steve rogers. but i’m about the same level of angry about his ending as i am about tony’s.

and honestly? it’s only because it’s not him. it’s not the him we know. my friend said that cap went and settled down because he’d finally learnt the lesson tony had been teaching; that maybe there is a reason to set down the shield and live a quiet, good life. but i don’t like it. it opens time anomalies, inconsistencies. it doesn’t feel like him.

since cap came into the 21st century, his story line has had a motif of moving on. about getting with the times, learning new music, new references, finding old friends and having to decide whether he should hold onto them and risk what he has now, or let them go. he’s been staring at a photo of peggy carter since 2011, he made peace with her life when he visited her in hospital, he let her go when she died. he watched her, through her office window, be director of shield, knowing she was about to have a life that she loved. she has children, a family.

it doesn’t feel like the steve rogers i know to take that away from her

but at the same time, i understand that sometimes, he should get to be a little selfish. he was selfish when it came to protecting bucky over all else, and it ended with mixed results.

i loved the final scene, of he and peggy dancing and kissing, but i think i would’ve loved that scene just as much, if not more, if it had happened in the afterlife. with an about time from peggy.

on the same subject: bucky and sam.

i’m super happy with sam being the next captain america (does this mean we’ve been lied to about the whole falcon and winter soldier tv show? is it actually a captain america and winter soldier show?)

i think bucky knew what steve’s plans were, though it would’ve been nice to have some on-screen confirmation. i think that’s why he seemed relieved that steve was sitting on the bench; he knew what steve was going to do and was glad he’d lived long enough to pass the torch once and for all

HOWEVER, the time anomalies i mentioned:

peggy carter’s established timeline is broken

does sharon carter exist? if yes, does this timeline’s steve rogers still make out with her

if steve goes into the past, the steve that he already was and his whole existence in the 21st century will still happen. that means he’ll look for peggy. that means he’ll find her. with him. in the future/present. steve is therefore made aware of the future - would that then effect how he acts with civil war/infinity war etc? would that then erase the events that happened, limiting steve from going back?

does he tell anyone that hydra is in shield

does he get bucky the fuck out of hydra or does he let his best friend be tortured for 70 years

i think bucky should’ve been a part of the sam/captain america torch conversation. if only because steve’s narrative has focused around bucky since 2011 and it ends with a don’t do anything stupid while i’m gone / you’re taking all the stupid with you - that’s not a satisfactory ending lads

much of me thinks steve and tony’s outcomes should’ve been switched. tony wants a quiet life, steve has said many times that he can’t imagine giving up the fight, living as a civilian in obscurity. i think it’s a cruel way to end it.

plus steve is ALWAYS the one making speeches about sacrifice, but he’s never the one to actually make the sacrifice. it’s always tony.

i’m happy for steve, i am.

i think i’d just be happier if morgan could grow up with her father and if pepper wasn’t a single parent and peter didn’t have to navigate the rest of his life - super powered and not - alone

side note, far from home taking place a week after endgame: nick fury wasted no fucking time jumping on spiderman. like, tony absolutely protected him from fury before infinity war, and the dude’s barely buried and fury’s making his move on peter - not cool

anyway, i genuinely did enjoy the film. i find it incredibly difficult to believe this was shot immediately after infinity war because the tone is so different, and i was remembering all those photos we had from reshoots and realised none of those scenes made it in the final cut.

it was a good film. probably the most emotionally mature of the mcu. not my favourite. i’m angry about the ending. nebula should’ve killed thanos at least once. cool that gamora’s back. sad about nat. devastated about tony. happy for steve on the surface, until i spend 2 seconds looking deeper. loki’s probably alive because the timeline changed and they replaced the tesseract in 1970, not 2012, so officially, loki never goes to asgard jail anymore

but for real: how does steve replace the tesseract in the past when it’s now the space stone? how does he get that past anyone at all?

edit: I SOMEHOW forgot about rescue, the moment i’ve been waiting for for a decade

i love her, i love the suit, i love the pepper was incredibly badass with it with zero hesitation. i wish someone had said the name rescue like i wish someone had said captain marvel - but no dice. it’s such a rad suit and seeing her and tony fight side by side was so cool

edit 2 bc im a dumbass: CLINT MY ARROW BOY I LOVE YOU, YOU GOT ALL THE SCREENTIME U FUCKIN DESERVED

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #avengers endgame #marvel #mcu #bethany talks

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bi-and-happy · 5 years

Note

i dare u to answer all the questions on the pride ask game ☺️☺️

Oh boy, here we go!

1. I am bisexual and I use she/her pronouns

2. I first realised I like girls when I was about ten years old, when I started secondary school. Because I also liked boys, I did some classic Repression^TM and convinced myself I was straight, which included a lot of internal homophobia, biphobia and bi erasure. It wasn’t until my second year of uni when I had my first boyfriend that I realised I was never going to have a good and healthy relationship with anyone, let along myself, if I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality and eventually come out

3. I am cisgender and I don’t look particularly androgynous so I have never been misgendered (except one time by a very embarrassed pizza delivery man)

4. The first person I told was my ex-boyfriend (see answer 2!) We had actually been broken up for about 8 months by that point but we were still friends at the time and he’s pansexual, so I knew he’d understand. He was annoyingly nonchalant about it and immediately made inappropriate comments but that actually worked out because we were in an airport so I couldn’t really have an emotional breakdown!

5. When I first came out (and then when I came out to my parents six months later) it was like I’d spent all this time and effort trying to hide this side of myself, and the effort of hiding just got too much. When I told my best friend (who’s a lesbian) it was super chill - I didn’t want it to be a massive deal so I found a time to slip it in, she was very excited that I’d finally told her (she’d known for about two years longer than I did!) and we immediately started talking about all the girls we had crushes on

6. I’ve kind of brushed on some people, but there were two main reactions: “That does not surprise me, I’ve suspected/known for a while” and “Wait? You like men?! I thought you were gay?” The only person who was surprised was my mum. She was very very quiet for a long time (although she gave me a hug so I knew she wasn’t mad) and let my dad do the talking (she did have some not-so-great things to say but it was nothing I hadn’t heard her say before so I had answers prepared). The next day, we had another chat, and she was a bit more positive then. It’s also worth mentioning that this is an ongoing process. I came out to them two and a half years ago now, and we’re still working some things out but we’re in the right direction!

7. Honestly this doesn’t come up very much, mostly because the vast majority of my friends are also bi, and I study performing arts so everyone’s at least a little bit queer. The question I get asked more often is how I can be an openly LGBT+ Christian (which is a whole other conversation which I would be happy to have if anyone is interested!)

8. Flannel. So much flannel. Also birkenstocks in the summer and combat boots (with rainbow laces) in the winter. I sometimes wear dresses (especially in autumn), and I do like pretty dresses/ballgowns when the occasion calls for it (which again, performing arts - sometimes I feel like I live in concert dresses). But my everyday look is fairly semi-butch. I’m working on my top butch energy

9. WHERE TO START. Okay, Jack/Bitty from Check Please; Jack/Ianto from Torchwood; Patsy/Delia from Call the Midwife; Callie/Aaron from the Fosters; Merlin/Arthur from Merlin; Lena/Kara from Supergirl; and my guilty pleasure, Harry/Cedric from Harry Potter (don’t judge me!!)

10. I very rarely leave the house without eyeliner and mascara on, but I rarely wear anything else unless it’s a special occasion. I’m generally of the opinion that if I can start the day with some killer eyeliner wings, you can make that day your bitch

11. Nope! Never experienced dysphoria

12. This isn’t the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but it is stupid because it was said by a gay men. “All these kids these days, in their LGBTQWXYZ community... [goes on to deliberately misgender people]”. Again, I have lots of thoughts on the dynamics of this which I will not unpack unless someone asks me to.

13. My friends!! I only have about two straight friends. I love all my friends, and I love my queer friends, and I love how we’re always there for each other and we always support each other. Even if everyone needs to stop dating within the friendship group.

14. See answer 12! The politics about different identities really annoy me. Non-binary people exist! Ace and aro people are part of the LGBT+ community! Bi and pan are different but overlapping identities and neither is better or worse than the other! So much infighting! Bi girls will not leave lesbians for a man! So much infighting.

15. I have never been and I’m out of town this year as well and I’m absolutely heartbroken!! I usually spend my summers working on various week-long projects around the country, and they always manage to bugger up any pride plans I had!

16. Ooooh absolute favourite? Probably Stephanie Beatriz. Followed by Kristen Stewart. And Tom Daley.

17. I had a boyfriend for a short time in my second year, we met at uni. Otherwise, I’ve been a single pringle!

18. I HAVE SO MANY. Absolute, complete, 100% favourite? The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. YOU ALL HAVE TO READ THIS OH MY GOODNESS.

19. I’ve experienced more discrimination as a woman than as a member of the LGBT+ community! That being said, I was bullied in years 7-9 which included lots of calling me a lesbian, because children aren’t creative in their bullying and this was 2006. That definitely taught me to be ashamed of my feelings for girls.

20. Pride!! I love that film. Also Torchwood!

21. I’ll admit I don’t follow that many LGBT+ bloggers/vloggers... sorry!!

22. Queer!!! (And whether or not it should be defined primarily as a slur is also up for debate; again, I’ll expand if anyone wants me to.)

23. Yes yes yes! I have been to a grand total of three gay bars and loved all of them. Especially that last one. Because that was the one where I got drunk and snogged a girl which was great.

24. I’m a cisgender woman, and most of my thoughts about my gender link with my reading into feminist reading and my constant striving to become a better intersectional feminist!

25. I like the thought of having children. I do not like the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. For me, children is always something that comes as part of a relationship and probably marriage (spot the Christian upbringing!). I’m not definite either way; it’s a decision I would want to make with a future partner, as we created a family.

26. Bi people exist! You’re one of them! Stop hating yourself! Stop using your Christian upbringing as an excuse to ignore anything relating to your sexuality!

27. Gender roles are complete bullshit. Every couple is different, the strengths each member of the couple brings will be different, and it’s up to them to find their dynamic, regardless of how closely it resembles traditional gender roles.

28. Not really! Only that since coming out I’ve felt less pressure to be feminine

29. It’s bloody hard. Even if we’re loud and proud and yelling about it and having a good time, each and every one of us has been through shit to get here.

30. Because it’s who I am! I’m proud to be LGBT+ because it’s who I am, and it’s a community that has come so far and is still making incredible strives forward but is subjected to so much pain and yet we keep going. Much love to you all!

Wow, I’m exhausted after that. Feel free to ask any questions about anything I said there! I touched on a lot of stuff. Much love!! xxx

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fernwehbookworm · 5 years

Text

Woke The F*ck Up- Chapter 12

Kara threw herself into both her jobs. The gym opened and so she was training people during the day and hunting Cadmus at night. She stopped even bothering to go to her apartment. When her lease ended two weeks after the break up she just moved everything into storage instead of renewing it, keeping the essentials and living in the Super Cave. Alex grew worried, dragging Kara to her apartment once a week for movie nights that usually ended in both sisters drinking. And crying.

Alex was slowly getting over Maggie but it still sucked, loving someone and knowing they loved you but being torn apart by different futures. After the crying, Kara usually painted. Most the time she didn’t remember them but she would wake to paint splattered on her clothes and hands in Alex’s spare room. Most of the time they were of Lena in some form. Others were just full of angry brush strokes and harsh colors.

Lillian hadn’t returned to National City as far as Kara knew and they had only located a couple warehouses with even fewer arrests. Even though the secret organization Alex worked with, she was still tight-lipped about, knew about Kara’s activities, she had had no contact with them. They were able to keep the Cadmus agents in prison which was a good thing. Kara didn’t know how but at least she didn’t feel like she was stuck in an endless episode of Roadrunner where she was Wile E. Coyote. In the third week since the break up she called Lena. Sent straight to voicemail but she was drunk enough to leave a message. Alex had passed out and couldn't stop Kara like she usually did. Kara was proud that she was able to keep her voice steady and not slur her words. Rationally, she knew she should just focus on her mission here in National City, but her heart wasn't rational. She wasn't even very angry anymore. Just sad and hurt. But even then, she just blamed herself. She should have told Lena earlier. Maybe then this wouldn't have happened because then Lena would have known why Kara was missing all the flights and phone calls. Even now the flimsy excuses for not telling Lena held up like wet paper towels under the weight of her heavy heart. She just wanted to tell Lena in person. So Lena could see her face and know it was the truth. Christmas came and went, then New Years.

When nights were slow in crime, that's when Kara found herself in her own criminal activities. She stumbled upon it on accident while patrolling. It was stupid, she knew, but it helped her with forgetting in a way she couldn't with alcohol. She became the rawest forms of her emotions, letting her anger at everything that had been happening in her life, out. The fight club was a TV cliche, but it pulled her in anyway. Dark warehouses and underground places, seething with angry people yelling and shaking fists. Placing bets on outcomes. She didn't fight as Power Girl, though she still wore a mask to hide the lower half of her face. She went by the name Andromeda and was currently undefeated. Bringing in major cash, donating most of it back into the youth centers that were hit hardest by Cadmus’ cruelty. By the fourth week after the breakup, the name Andromeda was whispered through the underground scene as much as Power Girl was shouted about above.

Kara rarely slept. Sleeping met seeing Lena’s face in a way she couldn’t avoid like when she was awake. Sleeping meant dreaming about soft pale skin and sharp green eyes only to have it torn away by waking up. Sleeping wasn't the nightmare, waking was. It hurt every time so it was easier to just stay awake. Sleeping came in the form of passing out with her sister or until her head throbbed and her eyelids drooped shut without her permission. The shadows under her eyes were beginning to be harder to hide. Makeup could only do so much when she sweat it off one way or another almost as soon as it was on. But still, Alex said nothing until two months after the breakup.

She had stopped drinking with Kara, only taking care of her sister when she had too much in the safety of Alex’s apartment. But Alex had enough when she walked into Kara’s office in The Power House as Kara desperately tried to cover up a black eye.

January 11th, 2018

Kara went to one of the underground fights the night before and the guy got in a lucky hit. It was the first time she had been hit in the face during a fight since high school. Kara still won but it hurt like hell. Kara jumped in her chair when her sister burst in unannounced an hour before Kara’s first class. Alex took in the dark bruising and her eyes hardened.

“What happened?”

“Nothing, just some thug last night.”

“Don’t lie to me. Winn invited me to hang out with him and James. Power Girl was not out last night.” Alex crosses her arms, somehow she seemed bigger as she stood in the doorway, physically blocking Kara’s escape.

“I can go out without Winn and James,” she says defensively.

“Lie.”

“No, it's not.”

“Tell that to the crinkle in your forehead.” Damn, she knows me too well. Kara thinks.

“It's nothing Alex, I’ve had black eyes before.” Alex uncrosses her arms and Kara can almost feel the anger rolling off her sister.

“If it was nothing, you would tell me. And the last time you had a black eye was when you and James were trying to fight off twenty heavily armed, well trained, men. What happened?” Alex’s tone left no room for argument. Kara stares at her sister trying to find a way out of this. Alex raises an eyebrow pointedly.

“It was just a fight.”

“Just a fight?”

“For money.” Kara mumbles.

“Kara! Are you fucking kidding me? Those underground clubs that usually end with someone in critical care?” Alex raised her voice and Kara stood, suddenly very defensive of her actions.

“Those people are the idiots who refuse to tap out. I know my limits and I have been nowhere near them. No one can beat me. This was just a lucky shot from a desperate man who bet more than he should have on winning.”

“No one can beat you?”

“I’m undefeated.”

“Of fucking course you’re Andromeda. Of course, you would paint a bigger target on your back because you couldn’t just have one secret life, you need two.” Alex says, exasperated.

“What I need is a sister who doesn't look down on everything I do.” Kara spits back.

“Don’t you dare. I have been nothing but supportive since you came back from London.”

“Yes, since I had my heart fucking broken. But you haven't been supportive of Power Girl. Not even really Le…. About her. You have indulged me in everything I've done but you haven't been supportive. You are critical and condescending. Just waiting for me to fuck up so you can be right.”

Alex gaps at the accusation. Then she peers closer at her sister. Alex walks around the desk and begins pulling open drawers, despite her protesting sister. The last draw opens with a loud rattle and the whiskey bottle slide to the front. Half of it is gone. Alex sniffs toward her sister, then cringes away.

“Really Kara? Drunk at 7 am?”

“What does it matter.”

Alex ignores her sister, she rummages around for a pen and paper scrawling ‘ Closed for Family Emergency’ across it before adding tape. She unexpectedly pulls Kara into a painful hold with her sister’s arm twisted behind her back.

“What are you doing?” She spits angrily. Alex continues to ignore her and proceeds to dial a number into her phone.

“It's me… I need an emergency session... We are on our way now… No, she isn't coming willingly, but this has gone on long enough… We will be there in ten.”

“Where are we going?” Kara resigns to her sister's strength. In her current state, she wouldn't be able to beat the older Danvers.

“To see Dr. Hamilton.”

Kara tries to protest but her sister twists her arm harder and forces her out of the building.

Kara sits on the leather couch with her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. Dr. Hamilton sits patiently with a notepad in the chair just out of Kara's direct line of sight. Kara stares blankly ahead, not wanting to be here. Although, there is a strange sense of comfort. The office hadn't changed since she had last been here. Warm wood paneling with a large oak desk. It had the comforts of a sitting room with fresh flowers in the window. Kara had pretty well sobered up on the drive over as she prepared to see her therapist for the first time in years. After fifteen minutes, Dr. Hamilton breaks the silence.

“Kara, I know you don't want to be here. That much is clear. But you know your sister won't let you be unless you say something. Anything.” She's met with silence. She tries again after a few minutes.

“You opened up a gym, right? How is that going? Any members?”

Kara ponders speaking. The gym was a safe subject. She clears her throat.

“Yeah. It's doing really well. For the most part, it's just a gym but I'm also offering different sessions. The Crossfit one is really taking off. I'll need to hire more trainers soon.”

“Well, that's good. What made you want to start one?”

“Jeremiah, actually. If he hadn't started me on the path he did, I wouldn't be able to… I wouldn't be where I am in life. I hope that when this takes off I can start scholarships for teens to bring them in. Take then to competitions. Help teach them control and get them off the streets. A lot of different fighting competitions will offer college scholarships. I got that idea after…” Kara trails off. She got the idea when Lena talked about getting STEM and music programs into LGBT shelters so that those kids would be able to get scholarships that way.

“After what?”

Kara snaps her mouth closed and buries her face in her arms. Tears sting her eyes. Kara takes a shuddering breath.

“After my ex-girlfriend started doing the same in children’s shelters.”

“Is that what has your sister worried? This break up?” Kare shrugs, non-committedly.

“Or is it the vigilantism?” Kara’s head snaps up and she glares at the dark haired woman.

“Don’t worry, Alex had me sign the most airtight NDA I have ever seen. Plus Kara, I figured it out a long time ago. I treated you through one of the hardest times in your life. I am just surprised you didn’t start sooner.”

Kara cries. She cries for a long time. Then she just talks. She talks about all her frustrations. It feels good not to have to watch her words or feel judged. All Dr. Hamilton does is listen, offering a few words here and there to keep Kara going. One hour turns into two before the doctor calls it a day. Kara makes another appointment for two days later and finds Alex in the lobby dozing in an armchair. She starts when the door opens and stands to greet her sister.

“Hey,” she says shyly.

Kara pulls her sister into a tight hug.

“Thank you.”

“Breakfast?”

“Please.”

January 19th, 2018

It takes four sessions for Kara to open up about Lena. It starts easy. Kara talking about how they met and all the places they went. Kara talks about Lena’s smile and how the color of her eyes changes from a seafoam green to as deep as a pine tree. Kara laughs so hard she starts to cry. Then she does cry. Over the hurt of how they ended. Over Veronica. Even if Lena didn’t expect Kara to come, that was the worst part. Anyone else would be better, a stranger would have been better. But it felt like Lena was saying that Veronica was better than Kara so she ran straight to her arms.

“Do you still want to be with her?” Dr. Hamilton asks.

“I-I don’t know. I- she- I love her. But she didn’t give me a chance. She was so scared of me leaving her, that she left me. No matter how much I told her that she was wonderful and beautiful she still doubted it. She doubted everything.”

“That seems like a very one-sided relationship then. That is a lot of pressure to have to constantly reassure your partner.”

“Sometimes it wasn’t. Sometimes she made it so easy. The rest of the time it was hard. Like I might say something that she would take wrong.” Dr. Hamilton nods at Kara to keep her talking. It was almost good to start picking out Lena’s flaws. It helped to break the perfect image Kara had of the Singer. Well, not perfect, she knew Lena had flaws, but it helped break the glowing bubble she had placed their relationship in.

After three more sessions, Kara agreed to just start meeting once a week. Regular sessions so Kara could stay on top of her feelings and have a safe place to talk about all of her secrets. Andromeda disappeared with great speculation from the underground fighting clubs. That chapter of Kara's life was at an end. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been about the whole thing. Alex was right, one secret Life was enough.

Power Girl had been needed less also. Since Lex Luthor's arrest, Cadmus had settled down. Weapons sales had been becoming fewer and fewer and the technology had been less and less sophisticated. It was clear the LexCorp was the main reason that Cadmus was able to stay afloat. Crime was on the decline so Kara was able to focus on The Power House. It was a busy place now, with Kara able to hire on four other trainers and some part-time high school students for simple cleaning and customer service.

The gym was bright and open with a red and blue color scheme. James had even found old photos from Kara's competition days and printed them out. They hung on the walls proudly, even if the one that had Jeremiah pained her to look at. This was something he would have been proud of, he would have been sitting at the front desk every day, if he was still alive, talking to new members and telling awful jokes. Kara can almost see his phantom, the future that could have been. She shakes her head and makes a mental note to talk to Dr. Hamilton about that. She finishes strapping on her gloves before stepping into the small boxing ring with the woman who hired her for private lessons.

February 23, 2018

Kara’s days fall into a simple rhythm. Gym, vigilante, sleep. Once a week Alex kept up their sister nights, nither drinking anymore, and also Kara would go to therapy once a week. It was comfortable and simple. As simple as being a vigilante could be. Her art collection was growing too. Dr. Hamilton had suggested Kara try painting each stage of her and Lena’s relationship to help her process everything better. The rhythm was broken when Lena’s face was plastered all over National City. She had been named the new CEO of LexCorp because her brother had ensured the company would fall to her before he was even arrested. Now, several government agencies were investigating her and the company. Slander and rumors were circulating the last remaining Luthor and Kara wanted so badly to reach out, to call her, to make sure she wasn’t spirling as hard as she admitted to after Lionel killed himself. She hasn't even tried contact Lena since the drunken voicemail that received no response, not that Kara was surprised. But she wanted to now, even just to hear her voice. Kara canceled her private session that day and went to see Dr. Hamilton.

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #singer #Vigilante #au #WTFU #fanfiction

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arlenesgrocery-blog1 · 5 years

Text

“Pride always exists. It’s something that we constantly have to nurture and honor.” Cory Wade is giving us the perfect end to Pride.

By: Carey Ozmun

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting with musician, activist, and model, Cory Wade this week to talk about his upcoming video premiere party at Arlene’s Grocery on Monday July 1st. As fellow members of the LGBT community, we talked Pride, music, and the human experience as a whole. Cory released his debut album in 2017, and is bringing new life to the song, Love This Hurt. Join us for a beautiful Pride send-off! Buy tickets for the live screening and performance here!

Carey: “Was your decision to release your new music video on July 1st made with Pride in mind?”

Cory: “It absolutely was. I love this time of year, you know? It’s a time for celebration, and it’s exciting to go to spaces that aren’t traditionally queer and have an awesome party that is inclusive… that is for everybody… that people don’t feel like they have to be afraid to show up at. Yeah, I just think that it was the perfect opportunity to kind of do something Pride oriented.”

CO: “Yeah, I saw that. I had talked to the team at Arlene’s, and have been wanting to have more queer (LGBTQ+) bills, and have it be a more inclusive and more diverse space. And they were all on board, so when I found out about your show happening right after Pride weekend, I was so excited to see such an unapologetically queer artist take the stage.”

CW: “Every show that I do is a Pride show in essence. All of the art that I am involved in has this undercurrent of “Be yourself with reckless abandon, don’t give a - what anyone has to say about it.” But, this particular time of year, it’s just important that we...all check in. I do emphasize the importance of pride and celebrating Pride. I know so many will say, “we shouldn’t sanction our pride off to one month of celebrating, but that’s not really what we’re doing. What we’re doing is we’re emphasizing it, we’re checking in. We are making a conscious decision to remind ourselves the importance of pride, because there are so many forces out in the world trying to take that away from us.”

CO: “Exactly. In that space, being a queer person, every day is this struggle. I am so happy to be queer, I wouldn’t want anything else, but it’s a difficult life. We are walking around and we are different!”

CW: “And it’s on us to remember that we are valid in this life. And nobody else is going to give us that validation. That is an inner dialogue. That’s something that we have to find on our own terms. It is hard. And so a Pride celebration allows for that door to open. It’s a conscious awareness of your dignity. That’s what Pride is.”

CO: “Yes, and it brings freedom! It brings freedom from this month on to the rest of the year. It brings us forward. It’s World Pride in NYC this year.”

CW: “It’s magical! So we’re gonna celebrate, and we’re gonna have an amazing Pride weekend, but this show is really a send-off. My goal with this show is to leave people in the knowledge that Pride always exists. It’s something that we constantly have to nurture and honor. It’s like a plant that we’re constantly giving life to, and paying very close attention to, because it can so easily be taken away from us. I would really love for it to be… a cute little button on the pride festivities!”

CO: “I love it! So let’s shift the focus a little bit to your new video release for Love This Hurt. This song is coming from your debut album from 2017. It’s got this masochist flare to it, and I’m just curious as to what we can expect as far as how that will be presented in the music video, and in your performance on Monday?”

CW: “It’s definitely got a masochistic flare. That’s something that’s very easy to pick up on in the subject matter, and the video is beautiful. We play with a lot of S&M and bondage themes, but it’s also very fantasy. It’s actually a virtual reality simulation. That’s the theme. It’s about finding the beauty in painful experiences, really. We’re using sexual imagery to...provoke this thought, right? But there’s a deeper meaning to it. This song...this video is really a celebration of pain because pain is so essential to our human experience. And I thought about what it might feel like to have this conscious awareness in the heat of a painful experience, to realize in that moment that that pain is actually helping you. To celebrate that pain. In the heat of that emotionally painful experience, if we had that conscious awareness, we would be so powerful! Nothing would be able to stop us because we would be able to say, this sucks right now, but this is so important to my growth. This is beautiful. This is what I need.”

CO: “Exactly, the growth aspect of that pain is incredible. And it’s so in the spirit of the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. I love that that message shines through.”

CW: “It’s a salute to our pain, it’s honoring that struggle, because that’s everything that we are and it’s so important.”

CO: “Tell me a bit about your goals for your future in music. I know you’re an activist, and model, and you wear many hats. But it’s so cool to see a focus on your music as well. Are there other projects in the works as far as your music goes?”

CW: “It’s a fight to stay in music. And it’s a choice that I have to make because in my career, I’m so often times pulled away from it because of the opportunities that come my way in fashion and in other areas of entertainment. I do consider myself a multimedia entertainer, but music is something that is so special to me. It was my first passionate pursuit. It allows for me to communicate in a way that I really can’t through my modeling or even through my activism. There are things that I’m able to say in an artful way, with a finesse that I really can’t (say) without music. I do believe in the spiritual side of music, it’s just a different energy. It’s very hard to describe, but I really do love the language of music, the alchemy of music making. It does a lot for me. I’m never going to stop making music, I can’t.

“Even if it’s not what most people know me for, it really is me checking in with myself. It’s kind of like that inner dialogue that we were talking about. I have that constantly flowing through my music. I think I would lose myself if I didn’t have it. It’s kind of a conversation with myself. The only way that I can do that is through music, honestly. My goals for it? I don’t know. I did this album way back in 2017 out in London and I’m doing this music video to give this particular song - that I love so much - new life...because I don’t think it got the life that it really deserved. There were a lot of other songs on the album that people attached to because they were very commercial and cute, so they worked. They ended up in different publications - Them. (the Condenast publication) picked up one of the songs, and the song There For You got a great video with Rain Dove, and people really loved that one. But this song is one that I really resonate with, and it didn’t get to fly the way that I always wanted it to.”

CO: “So with music being so close to you, and your part in activism, how would you say that you see your activism in your music?”

CW: “Um...it’s there in the music for the simple fact that our existence as queer people is the resistance. And my music is unapologetically queer. It’s how I perform it, and how I present, and what I wear, and what I say when I’m on that mic! And the very rebellion of us as queer people taking our power and doing something creative...where we are as music makers, in an industry where so many people are quick to shoot us down because of our queerness, I know that. I’ve experienced that in the commercial realm of music as I’ve tried to navigate that. You know, it’s activism because...it just is by default! And that’s a shame, I will say. I don’t think it should be that way. I was talking to another gay artist who just got signed to Sony and I’m not gonna name him… and he literally was told that his label didn’t want him to come out. They didn’t want people to know that he was actually gay. He was told to subdue that to just put on some sort of neutral, hyper-masculine vibe until people got to know who he was and then he would have the freedom to be himself. And I just find that so sad that we’re in 2019 and artists are still struggling to find their authentic voice. And music should be the most free thing, it really should. It’s a medium for us to really communicate in our most authentic voice. And yes, obviously the lyrical content in a lot of the songs is very- “Be Yourself!” and I try not to sound too preachy, but that just comes out naturally.”

CO: “Do you have any other last thoughts for fans that you want to present for the show, for the video release, or anything else?”

CW: “I’m excited for people to see it! I want to encourage other queer artists out there to make their shit! Through everything, just to focus on what they love and to do that. I want to encourage every art maker out there to maintain that relationship with their art, especially when the outside forces try to pull us away from it.”

#pride #lgbt #corywade #cory wade #americas next top model #gay #queer #lgbtqia+#worldpride #stonewall #arlenesgrocery #love this hurt #music video #pop #singer #performer

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intrepidescapist · 6 years

Text

I don’t like talking about my home life in detail to people I don’t know well, much less post about it online, but I could use some help.

My name is Nico and I’m, mentally ill, non-binary, queer, and currently stuck in an abusive household with an alcoholic father that I’ve been trying to get out of for years, so far with no success. When I was eighteen I had a plan to leave home without saying anything, but I was too worried for my younger sister. Now that she’s an adult and has a support system of friends and family that are aware of the situation I’m a little more comfortable with trying to get out of my house.

My father is a very religious, homophobic, alcoholic, and I’ve been taking care of him emotionally and cleaning up after his drunken messes since I was twelve. I’m twenty two now. He uses me as an emotional sponge, and if I say anything to the contrary or even suggest he isn’t an excellent parent he either reacts with explosive anger, or starts drinking more aggressively, sometimes both. Over the course of a decade I’ve tried to get him to stop drinking by confronting him, staging family interventions, making him see a therapist, going to AA meetings –everything short of rehab, but it’s the same song and dance every time. He acts apologetic while making excuses for himself and then temporarily stops drinking. The longest he’s been sober in ten years is about six months.

Last summer he had a hemorrhagic stroke that came seemingly out of nowhere, but was caused by his excessive drinking. Miraculously he survived with almost no issues, but while I hoped that this would send the message that he needs to stop drinking, it didn’t. He’s drunk right now as I’m writing this. If anything this proves that unless he gets into rehab, which is extremely unlikely knowing him, he will continue to drink himself to death and I’ll be the one left to clean up after him.

I’ve had to deal with horrible suicidal depression and anxiety as a result with living with this man. He is impossible to reason with. He’s prone to angry outbursts and refuses to believe that he’s had any affect on my mental state. I once confided in him that I was suicidal years ago, and the only thing he said to me was that if I killed myself he would have to do the same, disregarding the fact that would leave my younger sister parentless. I stayed alive out of fear of what would happen to her and familial obligation. I spent years hanging by a thread. Since I was twelve I’ve had to literally clean his piss and shit off the floor and walls of the house, and escort his obscenely drunken self while he was sometimes naked, usually in his underwear, back to his room so no one would see. There was a summer when I was a teenager, and every day I’d come home from work at five PM and he’d already be shitfaced. I’ve had to confiscate his car keys so he wouldn’t drive drunk in the middle of the night. He has picked me up and driven me places while completely drunk, and I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid of what would happen. Before I could drive there were occasions where I had to hold onto the steering wheel to keep the car steady while he drove. I’ve had to lock my door at night when he drinks because he’s drunkenly mistaken my bed for a toilet and tried to piss in it, or in other areas of my room. I just had to clean his piss off the floor last week.

My father likes to go on rants about how homosexuality is going against god, how trans people are severely mentally ill and freaks of nature. I’ve been subjected to hours long rants about how being gay is one of the worst possible things that could happen, that it isn’t natural, that the only way a person could be gay is if they’re traumatized and even then they are disgusting and shouldn’t be that way. Coming out would be dangerous, and were I not legally an adult I’m certain if he found out I would’ve been sent to conversion camp where I probably would’ve killed myself.

I was in college, but the combination of going to school and taking care of my drunken father made me have several mental breakdowns and made my depression worse. It was a struggle to even get to a therapist because my father didn’t think there was anything wrong with me. It’s impossible for me to complete school while I’m living with him. My grades suffered, my mental health hit an all time low, I was actively self harming and doing everything but kill myself. stopped eating and lost lots of weight in short periods of time, I cut myself, I cried myself to sleep, I isolated myself. Some semesters I would be able to keep my grades up but most of the time I inevitably would hit a point where I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed. My father, again, was completely oblivious about what his habits were doing to me, and repeatedly yelled at me for my bad grades and drunkenly threatened to disown me more than once. I hit a standstill in my therapy sessions. I was unable to make any further progress because my depression is now entirely environmental. It is literally impossible for me to make any kind of progress in my life unless I get away from him. My sister is an adult now, and if things go south when I’m gone she’ll be able to stay with a close family friend, or with our aunt who is completely accepting of the LGBT community and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.

My father is entirely emotionally reliant on me and uses me as his emotional dumpster. He’s a high functioning alcoholic so he holds a job and no one there suspects what he’s actually like. I don’t think any of his coworkers would believe me if I told them what I had to deal with unless they saw it himself. He doesn’t go out with friends, and he refuses to see therapists because he is in complete denial, so I’m the one he unloads all of his issues onto. If I mention that I’m even a little unhappy he immediately takes offense to it, and the conversation will turn into me reassuring him that he’s a great parent, and end with him getting drunk. Even though I am an adult if I told him I wanted to move out he would do everything he could to make sure I don’t. Moving out shouldn’t be an issue at all, but it is going to cause an enormous rift in my family, and I have no idea how he will react. He may get violent, he may threaten me, the situation is too unpredictable.

I’ve worked myself into a bind. I took a semester off to take care of my father after he had the stroke, and after that semester the Excelsior scholarship went into place. My father told me to take it since it lets me get a free ride and we can’t afford school without it. I had time to look it over, but my sister already accepted it. After reading the fine print I noticed that if I take the scholarship then I’m legally obligated to live in my state for four years after finishing school. I can’t live here and stay with my father, who doesn’t want me to move out for another four years. I don’t know what I’d do to myself if I had to, so I dropped out. I haven’t told him because it would cause a shitshow the likes of which has never been seen, but I can only keep that under wraps for so long. I’m supposed to “graduate” next year, and being on his insurance requires me to show proof that I’m a full time student. I’ll be found out and suffer the consequences no matter what.

Despite all of this I’m currently dating an amazing woman two states away. I plan on moving in with her by early September at the latest. I’m working part time whenever I can while keeping up the ruse that I’m still in school and trying to save as much money as I can to get out of here. When I finally tell my father that I’m moving out and there’s nothing he can do, again, I have no idea how he’ll react. It might be violent, he may send people after me to try and bring me back home, it will definitely involve drinking, but despite that I need to get out of here. I expect the family that are trying to help my father to try and make me stay and change my mind despite the fact they’re generally well intentioned. When I move out I’m expecting zero support from my family. I have friends that will help me out as well, but it’s going to be a very difficult year for me, and I don’t know what my father or my family will do after I move. I don’t expect them to leave me alone even after I leave.

In addition to probably needing to cover a small U haul van, I’m also trying to change my name once I leave, mostly because it’s the name I’m most comfortable with, and also because I don’t want my family to be able to find me once I’m out of state. Any donations would help me and it’ll all be going into my savings until it’s time for me to leave, which will probably be in 2-4 months with how things are going at home. Thank you for reading, and if you can’t or don’t want to donate then please boost this post. I’m accepting donations via paypal but I also do tarot readings on Etsy if you’re more comfortable with that!

paypal.me/DEV7777 https://www.etsy.com/shop/BenthicOracle

#signal boost #boost #donation #donation post #alcohlism #abuse #suicidal ideation

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