#i jsut. it makes me feel sick every time i see that thing.

[flaticeball]

hey! as the first season of connor bedard gets underway i, your local indigenous hockey fan, have a request of you: please don't let this kid's sure to be marvellous and jaw-dropping rookie season make you complacent with the racism of the blackhawks as an organization. it is beyond heinous that they were able to secure the first overall pick this year for a number of reasons i'm sure we're all familiar with, but i am pleading with the hockey community not to let the racism of this org fall through the cracks.

they drafted connor bedard and handed him a jersey with a giant racist caricature on the front. their mascot is named tommy hawk. they continuously fail to curtail their fans' egregious displays of anti-indigenous racism at games.

i'm not going to ask anyone not to post about bedard. i know he's huge news and i'm bummed as all hell that i won't be able to enjoy the beginning of what is sure to be an incredible career myself. but i am asking, given that his presence on the team is likely to increase the prevalence of people making and reblogging posts about the blackhawks, that you please care, loudly and actively, about the racism of this organization and how much it hurts indigenous fans to see that go unquestioned so often.

consider mentioning it in posts. consider amplifying the voices of indigenous fans and community members about the issues of these types of sports organizations. consider reading up on the history of the person they claim to 'honour' with their hideous effigy of a logo. consider censoring the logo in your posts if you are able to (please do this if you are able to). consider tagging posts so that indigenous fans are at the very least able to blacklist that team and not have to see it.

above all, please just. don't forget about it. don't forget about us. we belong here too.

#gav gab #connor bedard #chicago blackhawks #i jsut. it makes me feel sick every time i see that thing. #this racist caricature of a native man's head on their jerseys on their ice in their locker room #a native man who had his body mutilated in death including having his head removed #it's fucking grotesque and it makes me literally sick #i was really looking forward to see what that little wizard boy could do! #and now it is wholly ruined for me #and i keep seeing people just. posting about it like this team is normal. like it's any other team #no ethical consumption under sports is true but some things ARE worse than others #and there is no justification or excuse for being a blackhawks fan in the year 2023. there just isn't. #and like..... it bums me the fuck out for bedard himself too #like he didn't choose this #he just got like. put into this situation #it sucks #he's a teenager and now he's in the middle of this whole mess he didn't create and isn't responsible for #and i can't expect him to do anything about it #but boy was i excited to see him play #and now it just..... yeah #well.

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[littlemarianah]

Okay, just a crazy headcannon about death

Peeta dies very young. At 67 years old.

In the early 60s he began to occasionally leave the door open. Forgetting bread in the oven until it turns to ash. Forgetting Katniss's birthday. He even forgot to take his medicine, which he was always so precise about.

Katniss always denied it. "He's just old... He's just tired..." she used to say. Until in a hot summer, Peeta asked her if the reaping was coming. She didn't believe it, She thought he was just playing with her.

Then Peeta started complaining that the kitchen table couldn't get dirty. "You know my mom doesn't like that." he said. But his mother had been dead for 40 years. Every time they walked down the street he asked Katniss where the old Mellark's bakery was.

"The bombs, dear. Do you remember?” Katniss said.

"Oh, of course, the bombs..." Peeta murmured, pretending to remember.

Katniss wished every day that he would only forget the bad things, but he was slowly forgetting only what she wanted him to remember. He forgot how Willow liked to sleep on his chest when she was a baby and how Rye liked to eat bread dough.

Sometimes he just had a scared, confused look. He whispered in one of his children's ears: "Don't trust Katniss, she's trying to kill me." Other times he would cling to Katnis and beg her not to leave him. And he asked a million times if she really loved him. He asked if she was hungry, he asked if Willow was already sleeping in her crib, he asked if Katniss wanted to leave the bakery closed tomorrow because he was feeling so tired.

"Of course my love. Let's keep the bakery closed tomorrow." she responded with tears in her eyes, knowing that they hadn't opened a bakery in at least 10 years.

At least at night, Katniss was still able to sleep on Peeta's chest, and if she had nightmares, he would squeeze it and say. "I'm here, Katniss. It's jsut a dream." He continued to care for her until the end. He kept asking her to stop crying, that he was okay.

When they were young he had promised her that he would only die when she was already dead, not to make her suffer. But it was not the case. In the end, he seemed to realize he was about to go. There were some lucid moments. He pulled Katniss close and begged her, whimpering.

"Promise me that you will live for more many many years..."

"I promise." she said.

Then Peeta is gone, but his clothes are still in the closet, his cane in place in case he wants to come back. Katniss wishes she had gone crazy, but she remains completely sane. Every day, she wake up and knew exactly where she was and what had happened. Her only moments of madness were when her youngest son entered the room, tall and with blond hair. She almost exploded with happiness until realized that it was Rye and not Peeta.

She lived many years as he wanted, but she did not live the way he would have liked. It was a good thing their children were already grown up because she didn't have the strength to do anything other than eat and sleep.

After Peeta died she stopped having nightmares and started having dreams. A warm house, smelling like bread, with a Peeta who never went to games waiting for her. She began to find comfort in the fact that he didn't had to see her die. Being happy that at least it was his body that decided to get sick and die, not being forced to go. She found comfort in what she could until death took her to him again.

Many years later, when her grandchildren are reunited, she tells him an old story. About a hungry orphan girl and a baker boy with a loaf of bread in his hands.

#the hunger games #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #everlark #sad ending

[ganondoodle]

as i was awake in the middle of the night for like 2 hours bc i felt sick i had more somewhat random totk thoughts

one being that i really hate how raurus response to concerned zelda is, after sonia died in that almost funny how little impactful it was way, "im sure you are here for a reason" (actually, i hate how often this sentence is used in general to .. idk i guess its supposed to be inspiritational???)

bc what does that mean actually? him saying that to someone who got there absolutely by accident really just sounds like "i dont care go figure it out yourself bc i dont want to think about anything concerning you or your troubles lol" i guess its meant to sound like OOOOH fate has BROUGHT you here bc you have to furfill a role you dont know yet (spoiler its being a sacrifice girl with no personality) and besides me hating the 'inescapable fate' trope in general (at least the way its usually done in these games, which is not to struggle against it but willingly accept whatever you are told and pretend thats good) its really jsut goddamn boring and is really only an excuse to well .. ignore her and her trouble; shouldnt you, if you were actually such a cool guy like the game wants me to believe so bad, do everything in your power to get zelda back to her own world before shes pulled even further into the war you caused now that her only ""mentor"" that could help her get more use of her pretty much useless sudden powers is gone too?? i know shes basically dead wife sonia replacement (can of worms ugh) but it still grinds my gears whenever i think of that cutscene, bc i cant help but hear it as the lamest excuse in existence to not care about her and just kinda .. see what happens which in this case means leave zelda completely on her her own since both rauru and mineru die as well (honestly shouldnt rauru have thought about like .. any plan to defeat gan besides dying himself, given hes the oh so cool and goodest guy king whos only mistake was not stabbing gan the second he stepped into their kathedral castle thing, like even if you had a plan it can still fail but it seemed like he just kinda went in with a handful of people that didnt seem to know each other at all, never got names or faces -or unique voices for that matter- to fight gan face to face inlcuding the girl that came from a different time and had nothing to do with any of this conflict and couldnt even really control her sudden new powers just seems pretty stupid)

thought 2

how totk really feels like botw but for the people who didnt like shiekah tech, its not a sequel, its botw again, but version of only sonau, its like a pokemon game that had two versions but one has weirdly incoherent story and acts like the other never existed jsut as a whole its like retreading the same points but worse, all shiekah tech that was so integral to the world and had such a long history just vanishing and no one caring about any of it like it never happened, HELL the titans were called divine beasts in english but i guess they werent divine or important enough to keep around LOL champions WHO and isntead a never before seen or even heard of race for that matter showing up and planting their ass in every place the shiekah were before, dare i say it feels weirdly manipulative, like either them or some outside force erasing every fact about the ancient shiekah and replace them with sonau stuff bc they are the hot new shit now

this is a point that just doesnt stop bothering me, how the shiekah tech seemed so carefully designed and integrated into botws world and story, its a difficult to keep balance after all, integrating high tech stuff into a medieval setting, but they made it work! and then totk comes around and throws a bunch modern day tech into it puts some vague greenish stone filter on its exterior and call that even better more ancient tech; why did they even bother to make pottery inspired laser shooting spider legged robots so well integrated when they throw a car and rockets into the next game without a thought and call it a day, what was the fucking point

it feels like someone was dead set on having a set of legos thrown into the game it had no place in, if you want players to build whatever they want make a building game instead!! especially if you are just gonna throw it in with seemingly no consideration how out of place it feels togehter with the fACT THAT YOU ALREADY HAD AND ANCIENT HIGH TECH CIVILIZATION WITH A VERY DISTINCT AESTHETIC THAT WAS ALREADY WELL INTEGRATED INTO THE WORLD YOU ARE PLANNING TO REUSE WITH ALOT OF MYSTERY AND UNKOWN STUFF ABOUT THEM TO EXPLORE FURTHER YOU COULD HAVE USED!! but i guess they just "didnt want to play with you anymore" and that so much so that they went out of their way to erase every trace of it, i dont think the words shiekah tech are ever used in the game, and the purah pad and her towers just drive me more isnane bc they are the same shit but called different and also much worse, liek the purah pad isnt some more developed shiekah stone, no its a glorified camera with a teleport function and thats it

(i know i said this before but i really cant stand how obsessed every single NPC is with sonau shit, you get told to your face every second line of dialog that they are so cool and are so mysterious that it just makes me annoyed of them even more, the game is obsessed with shoving them everywhere and telling you over and over you too should obsess over them, they werent weird like that about the shiekah stuff in botw?? the biggesst talking point in botw was calamity ganon ..... which makes sense and in totk its like ... gan is mentioned what, in a newspaper article??? once???and then not even by name i think???)

aside from that big point which will never let me go, its also just .. its not moving forward anything, it actively walks BACK the progress that was made in botw, call me dumb but i dont really count moving one step up in the social roles of each race as a character development (for the side characters like the champions desc- ahem SAGES) but mainly zelda ... god how dirty she was done, totk pretty explicitely makes her regress any development she made in botw aside from she likes link uwu and some people like her too, but also not enough to notice that that weird zelda being all evil and weird isnt her (INLCUDING THE CHAMP- SAGES WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY FRIENDS WITH??? you dont have to be a genius to pick up on that my god, were you all given the mc dumbo potion or what)

she gets put back to square one, back into the little itty bitty princessy maiden role forced upon her by her royal parentage, this time rauru edition, back into a white little dress, back into the scared puppy eyed teenager, back into a situation she cant handle, back into losing everyone around her (tho honestly botw made me care more about rhoam than totk did about rauru), back into being forced to do a big sacrifice- but worse actually

in botw she went to FIGHT AND HOLD GANON IN THE CASTLE SO LINK HAD TIME TO RECOVER AND IT WOULDNT DESTROY THE LAND!! and you are telling me in totk rauru takes up her botw role and she bascially killed herself to ... restore the mastersword.

......... she ... she did that only to be a glorified version of the stone pedestal in the forest. and then she gets returned to normal itty bitty girly no problem via magic sparkle beam at the end and

DOESNT

EVEN

REMEMBER.

it really is just botw but worse, you even get yet another ghost king of hyrule to guide you around (rhoam did it better fight me ... we dont talk about the questionable choice to make himself darker skinned when posing as just some guy)

i honestly dont think i was ever truly taken aback by anythign that happened in botw, while in totk, the further i played, the more i had to fight with myself to keep the feeling of unease, disappointment and betrayal down

its such a god damn shame, totk should have stayed a DLC, i will forever mournfully dream of a game that explores more of the ancient shiekah, doesnt erase integral parts of the world, developes characters more instead of making them regress back and make them end up even less developed than at the start of the game, dives into buried secrets and mistakes of dark pages of history without giving into a weirldy nationalist(imperalisitc?) narrative and lets characters have some agency for once

if it werent for the yiga i might have actually considered refunding the game, just to be at peace with myself

anyway, aboslutely incoherent word vomit.

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #old man yells at cloud #i know im repeating myself in alot of points #but some things just wont stop rotating in my head #ngl i felt like nintendy was trying to gaslight me in totk #what noooo the shrine of life was ALWAYS just a barren cave with a puddle of water in it #noooo dumsda (hundson) NEVER had a funny quirk of how he talks #nooooo purah NEVER cared about shiekah tech or that stone she used to have in her lab in hateno #noooooo robelo NEVER cared about the shiekah oven he named cherry #nooooo yuno was never not dumb like a rock and ridiculed by the narrative worse than koga #noooo yuno never had inheretited an ability unique to daruk #nooooooo zelda never had any character besides like white dress waifu #nooooooo the dekutree never actually played a central role #nooooo there never was any shikeah tech #noooooo there never were any champions we were actualyl friends with #why is this series so damn allergic to moving the world or characters forward #you literalyl showed us that zelda companion is doable #you made 5 fram rate killing ghosts that are more useless than useful in any fight but noooo cant do zelda #she gotta be the little maiden uwu #you could have shown us the past without sendign zelda back #you could have revealed the sonau without erasing the shiekah #you had such a good setup from botw #and isntead chose to focus 3 years on being able to glue a stick to a stick in a game that isnt about glue or building

[drunktayloratthevmas]

"..... That would Never be me, is it? Making him get that light in his eyes and that amazing laugh it only appears when James looks at him, I would like to know how does it feel to be James potter For a day and having evan rosier blushing every time he looks at him, having evan rosier smile like a love sick fool every time James potter looks at him For a second" it sounds like the part of the movie when you see the two characthers falling in love with a good jazz classic in the background, but there is always someone looking, just looking

"i have been looking at evan every single day hoping and praying he looks back,.. But he never does, he never seems to take his eyes of James and his ridiculous tan skin and gold freckles, sometimes its too hard to just sit there and listening evan talk about James potter like its the most perfect thing this world has given to us, sometimes I imagine if evan would talk about me like that if he did notice "

"notice the looks when he is scrolling through his phone and laughing, notice the chocolates I have in my bag All the time because evan has a weird obsession with those specific ones, notice the cards in his Door's dorm for valentines day every year, notice how much I get annoyed when James potter looks back at him smiling and its what All the conversations of the day Are going to be about, notice how we Are so similar and probably nobody is going to understand why he likes to wear shorts on winter and jackets on summer, I just hope he notice things about me like I do with him, but sometimes you just need to forget All that and move on.... But it looks like I can't, and it hurts, it really hurts knowing James likes evan the same way and probably Talks about evan the way evan Talks about James with his friends and it hurt"

"it hurt seeing James picking evan up for their date while it's raining and them trying to find the words to talk with each other so close, jsut like in an old movie everyone likes to watch when they are in love and hoping they live that too, I can't blame them, I hope that too"

This is barty talking about evan and James btw

How did I come up with this ☺️

I made this while thinking wwfsd ohh that sound weird... Anyways AKA what would four saints do @foursaints

#evan rosier #evan x barty #rosekiller #barty crouch jr #pretty boy evan rosier #rosekiller fic #barty x evan #slytherin skittles #rosechaser #sunrose #james x evan #james potter #unrequited love #requited love #feelings #College ig #Evan rosier is in a big black coat with a black and blue Long slevee in the Last scene and James Is in jeans and a Brown leather jacket #Slevee? Is that how it writtes #!? #Sorry English is not my first language its spanish #Love yall #Unrequited rosekiller #Barty is saying this to regulus while they are under a tree after the Rain has pass

[arcaneviolence]

getting my friend who has never seen the witcher to rate various ships based on vibes alone

F- friend M - me

Up first - Geralt and Jaskier

F- its giving sun and moon- like big sunshine boy here (points at Jaskier) and big grumpy moon stinky man here (points at Geralt)

M - you think hes stinky??

F - yes.

M - why???

F - I sniffed him he is stinky

M- (laughing)

F - he needs a bath smelly boy

M - sunshine boy does bathe him 

F - thats why they are married sunshine boy keeps smelly man clean 

M - sick

F - I bet they’ve explored eachothers bodies

M- skudgsurlghsugkeu

F - I know a little bit based on your posts and I think they are really good friends for a long time so they probably boned at least a few times before romanticaly boning

M - romantic bonning is great but you ever have a pie (quoting a markiplier makes video)

F - (laughing)

Geralt and Yennefer

F - Why are her eyes purple?

M - she part elf

F - why would that make her eyes purple?

M - because genetics 

F - Its cool she seems fruity

M - mmm understandable

F - its serving stars (points to Geralt) and night sky (points to Yen)

M - WAIT SHUT THE FUCK UP THATS SO CUTE

F - and like the sun is a star and his eyes are yellow and the silver hair is silvery stars, and then her hair is black like the nightitme and purple eyes could be like a pretty galaxy

M - YOU SHUT UP NOW THIS IS JUICY

F - he could also be the moon aswell as the stars. She is the night sky that craddles him, the stars and moon, and makes him feel safe. She also provides a good backdrop for him to be seen and heard and admired like he should be.

M - I’m going to shit myself. 

F - I’m a fan of them

F - Bi wife energy

Yennefer and Jaskier

F - SUNSHINE BOY IS BACK AND HES BROUGHT HIS WIFEY

M - do you like sunshine boy?

F - love sunshine boy

M - understandable

F - its like emo gf himbo bf

M - hes actually very smart, he studied poetry and- (F cuts me off)

F - dont care himbo

M - okay

F - he wears hawaiian shirts and always has ice cream and she binge eats chocolate and wear like black silk slip dresses around the house all the time like a sexy rich woman

M - yeah I can see tha- (F cuts me off again)

F - they are like Gonzo and camilla

M - THE MUPPET AND THE CHICKEN??

Yennefer and Triss

F - what is it with this show and sun and moon gay people

M - I think sun and moon ships tend to jsut be inherently gay even if they arnt

F - true

(long puase)

F - they are like buttercups and the wither rose

M - FROM MINECRAFT??

F - yeah

M - how??

F - yellow and black

M - fair enough

Triss and Geralt

F - This feels wrong

M - why?

F - dont like

M - dont like what?

F - I feel like its very unrequited, or its like a ‘parents thought they were cute as kids cause they were friends of the opposite gender and tried to push it, and maybe it worked at one point but it got really uncomfortable’ kinda thing.

M - thats very specific

F - I feel very specific about them.

Eskel and Geralt

F -I like this guy (points to Eskel)

M - yeah?

F - mm hmm. Hes someones scrimblo for shizzle. 

M - fow shizzle. 

F - I feel like they were rivals at one point.

M - really?

F - mmm... actually no they were like reallly close when they were young but drifted apart and now after meeting again old sparks and sparkling again

M - ooooh that sounds like a fanfic waiting to happen

F - i wanna read it gimmi

Lambert and Coen

F - I wanna slap it

M - slap what?

F - (points to coens head)

M - you wanna slap his bald head?

F - I bet the ginger guy spit shines that shit every morning

M - (laughing) 

F - gotta make sure the birds have something to gaze longingly at themselves in

M - (more lauging )

F - The ginger one reminds me of animal

M - what animal?

F - no like the muppet

M - why are you on a muppet spree today

F - love those guys

M - what muppet is the bald one like?

F - jack black

M - HES NOT A MUPPET??

F - BUT HE WAS IN A MUPPET MOVIE!!

M- SO??

if you think I should force them to review more things do tell

#yenskier #yennefer #jaskier #geraskier #geralt #The witcher #lambert #Eskel #coen

[winchesterwitch07]

i have a physics exam tomorrow

the first physics exam of the year

I've been feeling sucky recently (i was sick and there was the usual family drama) and i fell into my old pattern of planning rigorously, getting overwhelmed, wasting my time, and hating myself for it

I'm trying really hard to stop letting bad things completely mess me up bc no matter how justified i might be in crying and feeling absolutely fucking terrible, i can't let it stop me from doing what i need to do, because i can't just wait till I get better or take time for self care because I'd have to be doing that constantly because literally every time i step out of my room the life is drained out of me and i go back on the verge of tears. Not to mention the fact that I've been stifling all of this and I'm constantly dehydrated. I'm snapping way faster bc all of my family's shit is just getting to me rn like it's never ending. I can't grab a bun without my mom yelling at me because she wants to know everything i eat and when so she can control me like I'm her prisoner. I'm tired of doing literally anything and having my brother call me useless. I'm so fucking tired of people acting like they care and being nice and fun but the second I'm not exactly what they want they tear me to pieces and they have been doing this for years but now it feels like my walls are crumbling...like okay it's like all this while I've been building a wall and they've been hacking at it from the other side, exhausting but balanced. Now it's like they got a bulldozer somehow and are sitting on the other side laughing and drinking and having fun and im frantically trying to protect myself but i keep getting bruises and having to hush hush and get back to work or I'd die and-

You get it

I need to stop letting them get to me

I don't know how

For now my strategy is to listen to the appropriate playlist and pretend like I'm in a movie bc in movies when you're almost dead you get an epic montage and/or fight scene so

*sigh*

Here's what imma do:

I'm gonna get some water. In a fancy mug so I'll drink it.

I'm gonna get some back up water so i don't have to leave.

I'm gonna get an apple so i don't have to leave my room when i get hungry in an hour

I'm gonna turn the ac on bc cold somehow means study!

I'm gonna get those cookies out of my room and clear my desk bc studying on my bed with the little tiny desk isn't helping cause i jsut push it away with my earth hands and the tables gone and I'm just in bed with a phone so

Clear top of my desk so i can sit there

Instruct family members to stay out (we'll see how thst goes, the ge...how do you spell that... hot water thing..is in my room)

And there's quite a few non exam things i need to do since I've missed a week of school being sick and that's very overwhelming but I've declared it all not my priority rn

I'm gonna do physics, make sure i can do well tomorrow

And hopefully

HOPEFULLY, I'll be able to do my english notes bc i was supposed to submit them like so long ago but i was sick but i like my english teacher and i don't want her to be mad you know

Okay folks

That's the plan

send me good vibes and some..some nice ice water...or strawberries

[writinrightnow]

its a forever kind of thing

im drunk right now and weve only been officially together for a month and some change but i feel as though you jsut get me more than anyone else

ive been with people where ive thought about the concept of forever with them and it makes me sick to my stomach but with you it feels like heaven

i feel like there really arent even enough words in any language to tell you how much you mean to me, in so short of a time

maybe im insane. maybe m confusing lust or infatuation or newness for love but i really dont think so

i can see a life with you and i can see me loving you until the mountains crumble and the sun burns out

even when all your hair falls out and we’re both left without anyone else but each other

 i hope you feel the same

i hope you can see us achieving the same level of comfort as two old friends

of taking that mental pledge to love each other and sticking to it until our lungs give out.

i wanna watch you roll a blunt at age 40

i wanna watch you grow and change and become someone entirely different, yet still loveable. still someone i love

i want to believe that my sheer will will be enough to keep this going. your heart is bigger than your body

i want to love you madly and never ever ever ever stop. good god.

every other time ive thought of spending a life with someone it has turned me off. i love seeing different sides of people, of experiencing them in a range of ways

romantically included

but  i would be so down to swear off everyone else, in a romantic sense,  just for you. you.

jesus christ.

please stay

i know i shouldnt cling but why shouldnt i hold on to something that gives me so much hope, so much light, even when you are feeling dark

my love for you reminds me every fucking day that there is love everywhere.

i jsut

fuck

[lolita-lollipop]

Hizashi and Aizawa kidnapping a young teenage girl, and her bonding and quickly finding comfort with Hizashi, leaving Aizawa to awkwardly attempt at being super soft and all the more gentle to his sensitive little girl, his heart panging with pain every time she flinches or cowers away from him. “You don’t need to be scared of me, kitten.. please”

your little acts of favoritism weren’t necessarily intentional, you hated both of them. they were your brothers teachers, and whoop dee doo, they kidnapped you. but... you liked hizashi more.

it was just something about him that made you believe he was some form of comfort item, probably because he wasnt brooding, and didnt have a mean face, and he was the first human yud ever seen in this place, that all combined into one and he became your rock, your shoulder to cry on. he was just... so nice, although his quirk was loud, somehow he managed to speak softly with you. it was such a bright contrast to at home where two firey blondes always scream at each other, and your father tries to calm it down.

on your first night ever here, you had tried to jump out the window, and were captured by the thick scarves you once admired, hed lectured you, yelled at yiuu even, all you could see were those red eyes of his, and hear his voice. and he scared you, he scared you so much. i guess it justtranslates to now, first impressions are everything, and to you, he looked like a big scary man who would yell at you.

eventually, you stopped caring about how you hated him, or how you wanted to leave, as you clearly never were. so, instead of glaring at them, or crying, you accepted the fact that he was taking care of you. hizashi, hizashi was taking care of you... aizawa though? no way in hell, he was just so... you'd never seen him with a smile, he never tried to talk to you, he just kinda watched you, and it freaked you out, at some point you started believing he was trying to kill you, don't even ask how you came up with that conclusion.

you just couldn't manage to warm up to hi as you'd done so quickly with hizashi, and it showed. you were always tense when alone with him, like he was going to jump out at you any second and stab you, you didnt talk to him , sometimes you felt so anxious around him that you would outright start crying, shaking in some form of fear, or hide yourself under a blanket. although hizashi was proud that you loved him so much, he knew that this was hurting his husband, that his own little girl was scared of him.

so he would always try to coax you into doing things with him, saying things like "can your papa come and help" or "how about we have papa do this with you while I make lunch?", just trying to get him included so you would feel just as comfortable around him as you were with his own self. Sometimes he just left the room to let you have alone time with him. He’d even lectured his husband about how he always looked angry, and that he has to smile form time to time, and not the creepy “I’m gonna kill a villain” smile.

And so Aizawa started trying, not trying to be like hizashi, even that was too much for him, but trying to be nicer, he was a gentle person when he wanted to be, so this came with ease for him, he would tuck you in at night, read you stories, hold you if you cried, feed you, help you bathe (which you usually liked hizashi to do, and in general, inserted himself as a gentle roger in your life. You would expect taht this would work, that because he was so nice to you, because he was so sweet like hizashi, you would accept him as your father.

But nope! Again, first impressions are everything to you, and now, he was written off as the villain of you story, now, you jsut ran off to papa whenever he was around, and didn’t even give him the chance to hang around you, it just made it worse honestly, because now, not only did he look scary, but he also looked fake, which is never good. Every time he would try to if you, you would clutch onto hizashi for dear life, acting like his hand would do nothing but burn you.

Tears would cloud your vision, and he would pulle back, not wanting to cause you any more pain, and jsut stare in. Pure jealousy at his husband, who cooed and gave you a hug.and guess what? You hugged him back, and hid yourself in his chest, willingly, without a fight, without a tear, instead with a smile, most of the times mic wouldn’t interfere, wbatigg ns this to everyone a safe space for you, a place where you should naturally do things, but sometimes, he would give you little bushes int he right direction. Like disappearing completely for my he house so you’ll be forced to talk to Aizawa.

This is one of those times.

Yo been wandering the house for about ten minutes now, waking up form a nap, to find mic absent from his usual place in the rocking chair at your bedside. It was a little after lunchtime, and they’d only given you a small cup of fruit for breakfast (intentional, from mic), you were fairly hungry, and usually he was there to give you food, but you had no idea where he was, you had heard the… other one on the phone in their shared office, but you did not want to talk to him right now.

Aizawa could tell you were awake by the fact that all of the cats were meowing like crazy, and little pattering footsteps had followed his hearing around, mic had left abruptly, probably some little plan of mischief again, he was hizashi after all. He was just waiting for you to either 1: go back to bed, or 2: come to him for help. Mic had specifically told him to follow these rules for after nap time, so he did. And grew progressively more worried as over twenty minutes, trying to read through his students grading work, too distracted by the urge to go find you to accomplish anything.

His worries dissipated though when he saw your little head poking through the door, cat in hand, confused and tired looking, small tears beginning to prick th corners of your eyes, little sniffling sounds left you. His wha specked up form the desk, you’d given up walking around the whole house, your restarting had slowly pent up, you couldn’t manage to find him, and you were so hungry.

“Oh- hey honey, I didn’t know you were up. Do you need something?” He questioned, smiling intently at you, you just inched back into the door frame, breathing heavier by the moment, your hands shook and your head felt like it was going to explode at any point. Youbcontenoajted runnign back to your room and waiting till mic came out where you could hear him, but your stomach grumbled, reminding you how hungry you really are.

“I’m- im looking for daddy. Where is he.” You spoke, a very hushed tone overtook your words, making them almost inaudible for him. His face sunk slowly, he tougher you were actually gonna come for him, but the he remembered taht patience is key, and that he shouldn’t get mad, because it is t your fault taht you’re just a little sensitive, too fragile to handle more than one attachment, he gets it. He jsut at least wanted you to look at him, instead did your little feet, I’m Ayer if you could meet his eyes the. You would see how much he loves you.

“Oh, he left a. Little while ago. Is there something you need from him? Your papa can give him a call if you want, you could even talk to him!” He exclaimed excitedly, plastering that happy smile across his face to seem more inviting, liek mic had told him to do. He stood out of his chair, rounding up the papers and putting them in his file folders.you tried to sink back furthers, almost disappearing behind the doorway, you shook your head aggressively, almost running off, then yet again, your stomach made another noise, and forced you to stay.

“I- no. I’m- im hungry-“ you spluttered, not caring if it was embarrassing that you were stuttering so much, you just wanted food. And calling mic would just get you a lecture on how you could’ve just asked your papa, the same thing would happen whenever you went to uncnecesary lengths to avoid the man, your daddy would make sure you knew that it made him feel bad, while you’d at there bored. Not caring, at all.

“Oh- well you should’ve told me sooner kitten, if I’d known I would be up already. Cmon, let’s go to the kitchen, your daddy made you some food earlier” he spoke, rising from his chair slowly, you cowered slightly as he walked over, clutching the little kitten right to you for comfort, he mewed and snuggled closer, completely asleep. The man sighed when he saw you backing away from his grasp, he knew you were still scared. But he was just so impatient… he was tired of waiting, he wanted to hold you, even if it was jsut foena few minutes. He needed it feel you there with him.

Is he acted quickly, moving in a matter of seconds, he swooped his arm under your leg, and hooked his other around your torso, pulling you straight up into his grasp. Youu huh froze, his hands felt cold as ice on your skin, like they were burning you, immediately after he started walking, it snapped you out of it and you threw a fit. You dig your fingernails into his skin, and kicked and flailed in a panic, still trying to keep the little kitten in your lap safe. A full blown panic washed over you, clogging all your senses.

The dam holding back tears form your eyes crashed, and immediately you were sobbing, biting at his shoulder to let you go, he tried to rub your back to calm you down a bit, but just made it worse, as his hands felt like living anxiety creeping up and down your spine. He didn’t know what to do, let you ride it out, andkk no possibly have you get sick because of how much your crying in an empty stomach? Or let you down and go straight back to square one.

Your veined felt like pure ice had flooded in them, and it felt liek someone was repeatedly jabbing you in the head with tiny needes, fear was jsut so prominent in your sense, it overcame you, and made you whimper and scream.

“Whoah, breath for me alright? I just want to hold you. I’m not going to hurt you okay? I would never hurt you. Kitten… you don’t have to be scared of me” he spoke, trying to keep a proper computers, he wanted to cry with you, he wasn’t a very soft or emotional man but honestly, he was so upset with himself already, this was jsut pushing him for the edge. You cried, and cried, at some point you weren’t even crying and screaming at him, more with him. He held you close, you’d stopped the struggle almost five minutes ago, letting him hold you. It was odd. It almost felt… nice.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m being stupid again” You alien through your remaining little hiccups, shove my your face into his shirt, smelling the woody scent he carried around with him. He cooed, letting you hide yourself from him, savouring this soft moment was of top priorirty in his head… you jsut looked so sweet, so different from those harsh cries that would sound usually whenever he came around.

Who would think, shouts aizawas hand couldn’t feel nice? The same ones that had just been burning you, the ones that made you scream, felt like a breeze on a spring day, he actually felt warm, he felt like happiness, like contentment.

“No hon, it’s not stupid. Your scared. I know that, we all get scared and it’s not a bad thing, I love you, I really, really love you kitten. Just know that” he continued on with his little speech, leaving down to kiss you in the forehead, Jsut to be suprised when you didn’t flinfh, you were too tired to be scared; and too hungry, plus, he was really warm, the cat had pretty much snuggled up to him already, who says you shouldn’t.

“I- um- I love you… to?” You spoke, more of a question than anything, you’d spent so long Harding him that you didn’t know if you even could love him, it didn’t even feel possible, then again, you litterally cling to hizashi like a koala, and your mental state has relaly said “swoopity swoop” and scattered itself everywhere. Maybe having two comfort items was actually better than one… huh.

“Well, let’s go eat then. All taht crying probably made you tired, I’ll let you watch a movie in my office, you can watch pinto again, I know you love taht one. Cmon, let’s go” he spoke, and started walking again, you cuddled closer to him as he did, smiling slightly at the warmth. Hizashi was very extravagant, exiting, and hyper, this man felt very cool, calm, it was such a dark contrast, but it worked so well. You jsut… you Jsut liked it.

Well… now we’ll just have to wait and see who’s the favorite

———————————————————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was super fun to write and had me feeling super happy when I finished :)

I’m thinking about doing yandere todoroki family asks, because I’m litterally in love with @i-cant-sing one… so, requests are open for those if you want to put them in (please do I’m begging)

Anywho, have the most wonderful to days today! Goodbye!

#platonic obsession #platonic yandere #soft yandere #yandere my hero academia #yandere platonic #yandere #yandere poly #yandere erasermic #yandere Aizawa #yandere hizashi #yandere hizashi yamada #yandere shouta aizawa #yandere present mic #yandere eraserhead #yandere x reader

[animeangst]

The Flower of the Month

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: Tsukishima x Reader

𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: Angst

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: Cancer, Character death

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 860

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

I jsut wanted to thank you all so much for supporting me! I recently hit 700 followers and just wow! I'm super excited for some stuff I have planned :)

Please feel free to send requests to my inbox!

Extra warning: this fic is pretty heavy

---

You had been with Tsukishima since you both graduated highschool. The two of you did everything together and really just complimented each other in every way. You were both living the dream, your dream jobs, a great apartment. Everything was fantastic and going in the right direction.

That was until you were diagnosed with cancer. It was like your whole world stopped, right at the edge of a cliff. The doctors said they had caught it early, that it was treatable. You just didn’t respond well to the treatment.

At first it was manageable, nothing the two of you couldn’t get past. You still went to work and the two of you made sure to go out together every weekend, just the two of you. Slowly you just kept getting worse, and worse. You had to quit your job and stay home, you couldn’t go out anymore.

That was okay though, or so you told yourself. You had lots of time to read, or play video games. You got to spend all day doing the things you loved to do but didn’t have time for. You got to cook for Kei, you started making dinner every night. Although it was tiring, you loved to do it; until you couldn’t anymore.

You finally had to come to terms with it, and stay in the hospital for long term treatment. The doctors had said you should be hopeful. There were new drugs to try and therapies that showed promise in patients like you. Although you were frustrated, once you got better you could go back to how things were.

That was a year ago. You had been in the hospital for one whole year, and 4 years into your cancer treatment. Tsukishima had visited you every single day, some days he would even bring friends. In a strange way you were embarrassed to be sick in front of the people you knew. Eventually you asked Kei to stop bringing people.

The two of you spent every evening together, and every day Tsukishima would bring you a flower. A single flower that the florist recommended that month. By the time the month was over you had a whole bouquet.

You had kept at least one flower each month and pressed it. In your book you had 12 beautifully pressed flowers that you hoped to frame when you got home. You knew exactly where you wanted to hang them too.

You often thought about things you would do once you were allowed to go home. The doctors had said your condition had started to improve. Tsukishima had even gone so far as to suggest you plan a trip!

Lately that is what you have been doing. Tsukishima would get you books from the library that you could read about places you may want to go. It was so tough to choose, and you hadn’t landed on a place yet.

You were always bouncing ideas off of Kei, seeing his reaction and gauging his interest. The next day he would always have more information on the place you had suggested. You always thought it was cute.

You loved him so much, and you knew he loved you too. You figured it must have been hard for him that you were sick. No one wants their partner to be sick, or injured or anything to be wrong with them.

Once you were all better you would take care of him for a while, take a load off his shoulders. You were going to go on a trip, and start living your life again. You were so excited. It was almost the time that Kei came every day.

A small smile tugged at your lips has you closed your eyes to fall asleep.

---

Tsukishima had just left the florist, he had become well acquainted with him over this past year. This month he had recommended daisies. The florist mentioned they were often sent as get well soon messages. It seemed perfect.

He had gotten you a new book and his flower like always. This was going to be a good month. He knew that you weren’t doing the best but the new medication looked promising like always. Tsukishima just needed to focus on that.

This time will be different, and you will be coming home soon. He had spoken to the doctors about possibly moving you back home with care. Kei knew you would like that. He had planned to bring that up today!

Tsukishima had arrived at the hospital and he went straight to your room like always. He heard doctors and nurses running ahead of him. There was a sound that he wished he would never hear. Without thinking he ran to your room to make sure…

Kei’s eyes landed on your hand, which was dangling limp off of the bed. Nurses bustling around you, and the doctor performing CPR on your unresponsive body.

He couldn’t look away, nor could he do anything to help. This was it. Tsukishima looked at the last daisy in his hand as he heard the heart monitor be turned off and the doctor announced your time of death.

#hq #hq x y/n #hq headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu angst #haikyuu headcanons #haikyū!! #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima kei #tsukishima imagine #hq tsukishima #hq tsukki #tsukishima angst

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Sick - Tanaka x reader

Warnings: none

Words: 2282 

Summary: You and your neighbor walk your dogs at the same everyday, but what happens when he stops showing up 

A/n :! I am so so so so sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth, college is hard man and then it’s partially online and COVID and things and the depression really hit and I have started a new self care book and it is adding one thing back in my life at a time that I am passionate about and last week was French and this week it is writing because I really do miss it! I threw this together last night based off of a request I got forever ago and I hope it is liked <3 

You’ve lived in the same apartment for years and people always come and go, in and out, it feels like you see a new face everyday. In your three years there, you’ve only had one consistent fact, and that’s your bald neighbor who goes on walks with his dogs at the same time as you twice a day. At first you only saw him occasionally and now the two of you go out at 7:30 am and 6:30 pm on the dot. You have no idea how it started but now you get kinda excited to run into your neighbor on the stairs everyday and hopefully make a comment about how good his two big dogs are looking or even jsut the smallest acknowledgement with him.

   Speaking of your neighbor, he wasn’t out this morning before work, and you didn’t think too much of it because he works kinda funny hours and some random days misses the times. (Though he always tells you about it in the afternoon or the next time you see him) and because you’ve learned he’s a personal trainer he has finicky clients and sometimes is up wayy too early or way too late. It bugged you all day that you hadn’t seen him and no matter how hard you tried to focus at work you couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t out on a Wednesday. All of your explainations could make sense but you really don’t feel right about any of it. And when you got home and took your two babies out and he wasn’t there you were sure something was up. Tanaka loved his dogs more than anything and says that their routine keeps them together and that it keeps them well behaved. Something had to be wrong. Maybe he got a new girlfriend? Or he forgot? But he didn't forget and he hasn’t been with anyone ever, and if he was his dogs would still come first. You had no idea what you were thinking but when you came back up the stairs you kept walking and knocked on the door of the man you knew so completely and not at all. You quickly realized what you’d done and your heart was racing as you silent prayed that no one was home and that you could creep back to your door before anyone heard you.

   This was a great thought, except you forgot what happens when you knock with dogs. They bark. And unfortunately for you Tanaka doesn’t get a lot of guests so his dogs barked a lot. Like they could wake the entire neighborhood a lot. You had to grin and bear it and face the consequences of your irrational actions.

   After thirty or so seconds the door creeps open and there he is, Takana Ryuunosuke, in his pajamas and a beanie opening the door. He looked like a walking corpse and by the way he sniffed out a weak “hello” as he opened the door told you everything you needed to know. He was sick. Very sick, and you had just knocked at the door and now have to figure out what to say to him.

   “Oh, hey,” you stutter, “I was just checking on you to see if everything was alright, you weren’t out with your dogs and I was wondering if anything was up, or if you needed me to take them out for you because of their routine and everything,” you ramble on, hoping that somewhere your logic connected and this made sense.

   Takana stared at you blankly and you couldn’t help but mentally smack yourself because that was exactly what a stalker would say and you now seemed like his stalker.

   After a few more seconds of blank stares his expression caught up to your words and he broke out the goofy smile you love so much.

   “My dogs? Walk them?” He asked. Maybe they hadn’t caught up after all.

   “Well yeah, they weren’t out at their regular time and i wanted to make sure they were still going out and I have my two out and they are so well behaved and you clearly don’t feel well so it would really be no problem,” you rambled on again.

This time he was closely listening and nodded along with you before smiling once again. “No no no,” he chuckled, “ I can take them out” though he was laughing you could hear that he wasn’t feeling well and his energy was lower than you had ever heard.

   “Let me do this one favor for you, I can take them out, no big deal, okay?” You smiled.

   After you smiled it was a done deal for Tanaka, he grabbed the leash and thanked you about a hundred times. His dogs are fantastic and took you less than five minutes to walk before they’d used the restroom and were ready to go back inside. You took them back and he thanked you once again and you headed back to your apartment to make some dinner.

   You settled on a sun dried tomato soup with grilled cheese and happened *wink* accidentally *wink* make more than you could eat on your own and you’d hate for it to go to waste and you do have a neighbor who is sick and could probably use a hot meal right about now. So, you packed up a container for him and wrapped the sandwich in aluminum foil so that it would be hot for him and put some tea in a thermos and headed out your door once more. This time though, you were a little less bold and just rang the doorbell and ran back to your room. You did however, leave a little note saying “hope you feel better soon - room 420” on it and you hoped that it would at least help his night a little bit.

   Little do you know, Tanaka was so shocked to see this from you that he almost dropped the hot soup onto himself in a panic because this not only meant you paid attention to him but you cared for him. This was the best thing to ever happen to him. He finished every last bite and washed the container and thermos and placed them back by your door with a note of his own.

   When you got up the next morning and went to take your dog out you couldn’t help but beam when you saw your tupperware back in front of your door. You picked up the two items before seeing the little note on top of the container.

‘Best Soup Ever! -Room 419’

You beamed and did a little happy dance before deciding to go knock and see if he needed your help with his dogs again today, and boy are you lucky that you went. WHen he opened the door he somehow looked worse than yesterday, you could have swore that he had snot dried to his face and he was a total mouth breather and the bags under his eyes as well as tripled overnight. There were no arguments when you asked if he needed help with his dogs, because truthfully he really did.

   The walk was quick and the morning was over before you knew it. Another distracted day at work, you found yourself wondering how you could help him feel better, especially because he lived all alone and his closest family was something like an hour away last he told you.

You had a brilliant idea and decided to go to the store after work and make him a ‘get well’ basket. You filled the basket with cough drops, tissues, teas, chocolates and other little goodies that help him feel better and put him in a better mood. You got the groceries and were right on your way, practically skipping with excitement.

   Once again, you accidentally made an extra soup after you’d taken care of the dogs and happened to leave it with the basket later that evening.

   In the morning however, none of your dishes were by your door, which was no big deal, especially because he was feeling so under the weather, but what was even more strange is that he didn’t answer the door and the last thing you wanted to do was wake him up. So, you headed to work wondering if he liked what you did for him or if you’d crossed a line or if he was allergic to chicken noodle, or if he was too much of a health nut and you’d offended him, or if he’d… you had no idea, maybe died. This was not good for you and you could feel the stress starting to get to you when you got off work the sprint back home was exhausting and anxious. You rounded the corner of the stairs when you saw

Nothing.

You saw nothing.

That was fine, everything is fine. You are fine. Life is fine. If he doesn’t feel good you can’t expect him to do dishes or even leave his room. That’s best for everyone, no one wants a walking germ contaminating everything around, there were probably old ladies on this floor, you hadn’t seen any, but they were there, probably, so he was just doing the world a favor.

Again, he didnt answer the door for his dogs and you couldn’t force your kindness onto him so you had a night to yourself and went to bed way earlier than usual. You couldn’t help but wake up earlier than usual and instead of looking for things that weren’t there you got out and went to work early and got busy right away. You had a full day and worked until almost 8pm, hurrying back to hopefully get home before your local take away had closed. You made it, but just barely, and got your favorite meal to bring home with you to watch something horrible with.

   You got home and plopped on the couch completely exhausted. Immediatley you started eating and got about halfway through when you heard a knock at the door. Oh shit. You had no one in your life that would ever knock, well almost no one. THere was one person you were really hoping wasn’t on the other side of the door. You were in a t-shirt you got 10 years ago and a pair of crappy shorts from the general store, there was nothing remotely nice, or even tame about your appearance, you looked to be frank, crazy.

You creeped the door open and saw exactly who you were hoping not to see, Tanaka Ryuunosuke standing in front of your door beaming.

   “Hey?” You question nervously.

   “Hey, I noticed that you didn’t take your dogs out earlier and was wondering if you needed me to take them out for you?” He questioned genuinely, smiling from head to toe, clearly feeling better.

   You had no idea what to say or do but he just smiled as your dogs trotted out the door with him, without you saying a word. You awkwardly closed the door and stood there in shock. That was horrible. An embarrassment to you, an embarrassment to your family name and even worse an embarrassment to society. The shock still hadn’t worn off when you heard a second knock at your door, and well that was the man with your dogs and you couldn’t just leave them outside.

   This time when you opened the door you couldn’t help but gasp. Tanaka has a giant bouquet of red roses and a giant blush on his face.

   “Y/n, I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I have had a crush on you since I first met you, and I never knew how to tell you, every time I got close to you I just freeze and I started taking my dogs out when you do to try and get to know you and I could never make myself do it but you have been unbelievably kind to me and I can’t wait any longer. I want nothing more than to have a chance with someone as stunning as you are. Y/n, will you go on a date with me?”

   This time it was you standing there dumbstruck for longer than you should have. You heard every single one of his words and your heart was fluttering out of your chest. You’d had feelings for him for as long as you can remember and here he was with a bouquet of flowers standing in your doorway asking you to go on a date with him. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything so you just grinned and nodded at him enthusiastically, hoping he understood just how much this means to you.

   He beamed right back and handed you the bouquet of flowers, “perfect, then I’ll see you Friday at 7, I’ll pick you up.” He winked.

You were still dumbstruck and nodded again, and right as you were about to close the door for the night he stuck his foot in the doorway.

“One more thing y/n,” he pushed the door back open and had a basket of little goodies for you, as well as a homemade meal in the containers you’d given him with a little note that says ‘your soup warmed my soul, and my heart’. You couldn’t help but absolutely beam with happiness. You set the basket down and threw your arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a big hug, repeatedly thanking him for his kindness. You two parted ways happier than you could have imagined and both in great anticipation for Friday.

   The next morning, you were both out at 7:30 on the dot, excited to see one another.

#haikyuu!! #Haikyu!! #haikyu #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #karasuno #karasuno manager #haikyuu karasuno #haikyuu tanaka #tanaka #tanaka x reader #tanaka x you #tanaka ryuunosuke #hq tanaka #tanaka headcanons #tanaka imagine #tanaka ryuunosuke x reader #tanaka ryunosuke x reader #tanaka ryuunosuke fluff #tanaka ryuunosuke x y/n #tanaka ryuunosuke iamgine #tanaka ryuunosuke imagine #haikyuu karasuno tanaka #tanaka haikyuu #karasuno 5 #Haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu self insert #haikyuu writer

[yikesharringrove]

Forced To Confront Feelings: Steve and Billy are enemies with benefits, and in true angst fashion Steve’s touch-starved need to connect to someone ends up on Billy but he doesn’t dare say a word of it. Once he does, he knows Billy will leave and not come back. It comes to a head when Steve is majorly ill one day but is still forced to take the kids to the pool, as Billy picked up an earlier shift. (1/2)

(2/2) He’s in a bad mood and Steve doesn’t wanna make it worse so he does what he’s asked (told), but the heat of the day and his exhausted body meet head to head, and he passes out and falls in the pool. Billy’s gonna have to face up to what he’s been desperately trying to squash when he rescues Steve and sees he’s hit his head and isn’t breathing.

-

There’s some smut mentions, but nothing outright

Read on Ao3

-

Billy rolled off of Steve, left him panting and tired, laying in his own cum and sweat.

Billy patted him once on the thigh, getting up to get dressed, to leave.

That’s how it always went. Billy fucked him good and hard, and then left before Steve could even say goodbye.

At it was fine.

It was.

They weren’t together, weren’t even friends, really.

Steve was just being a baby, just being needy and clingy, everything Nancy always said was so bothersome, Steve.

He watched Billy get dressed, biting his tongue every time he wanted to ask Billy to stay, to spend the night and hold him.

But Billy was already stomping down the stairs.

So Steve rolled over and tried to imagine strong arms around his waist.

-

He could feel the illness coming for days before it actually hit.

His throat was sore every morning, and his cough was dry, made him hack for days.

He was curled up in bed, had a heating pad on his aching stomach, the trash can close to his bed just in case.

He absolutely fucking longed to have someone there, to have Billy there, bringing him hot soup and pressing a cool wash cloth to his head.

He was running a mild fever when the kids showed up, begged him to bring them to the pool.

He rolled his carcass out of bed, shoving himself into the first swim trunks he could find, the only shirt he saw.

Dustin raised one eyebrow at him when he tromped downstairs, but he didn’t care, just drove the little shits to the pool.

It was fucking hot today, and Steve felt fucking delirious sitting in the heat.

He was in the bathroom, his head pressed against one of the lockers, the cool metal.

“You’re on my locker, dipshit.” He stood up slowly, blinking at Billy.

“Sorry, Bill.” Billy furrowed his brows.

“You look like shit.” Steve smiled wearily at him.

“You gonna take care a’ me?”

“Fuck no, Harrington. Fuckin’, get outta here.” He shoved Steve aside, made him stumble a little.

Steve pouted, still leaned against the lockers.

Billy just shook his head, started changing into his lifeguard uniform. Steve jsut watched him.

Billy looked up at him slowly.

“Harrington, get out. Fuckin’ perv.” Billy shoved him again, made him slam into the lockers. His head spun.

He stumbled out of the locker room, the sun beaming into his eyes, making him dizzy.

He closed his eye, squatting down where he stood, pressing the heels of each hand into his eye sockets.

He took some deep breaths, trying to get the world to stop spinning. When he thought it was safe, he stood back up.

His vision went dark.

Billy was just stepping out of the locker room, unlit cigarette in his mouth when he saw Harrington stand up.

It was almost comical, the way his body just went down, like someone had cut the strings off a marionette.

But then Steve wasn’t surfacing, had sunk right to the bottom.

Billy scrambled to blow his whistle, throwing caution to the wind and sprinting forward, diving into the water.

He grabbed Steve around the middle, swimming up with him.

Billy’s blood was rushing in his ears.

Freddy was there, helped Billy pull Steve out of the pool.

Steve was just laying there.

And then Billy noticed the blood.

A gash on the side of Steve’s head was bleeding, the blood mixing with water, made it look like there was so much.

He tugged off his wet shirt, pressing it to the wound, staunching the blood as best as he could.

And then Billy checked over him.

And Steve wasn’t breathing.

Billy yelled for someone to call an ambulance, vague heard Heather yell back through the blood rushing in his ears.

He tilted Steve’s head back.

Okay, okay. You can do this. Chest compressions. Just like in training.

He tried to be methodical, tried not to think about how it was Steve under his hands.

He breathed into his mouth.

Steve’s lips were chapped, already fucking cold.

He started compressions again.

A crowd had gathered now, Steve’s kids all front row, all of them had a hand on the curly one, he was crying, his hands shaking.

Billy kept pushing on his chest, counting each compression.

One of Steve’s ribs gave way with a crack. The crowd around them gasped.

Billy gave him another few breaths.

He couldn’t think about their last interaction, how he had pushed Steve away. Couldn’t think about the last time he was at Steve’s house, the way Steve had looked at him, so soft and pretty and asked you wanna stay? We can go again. And Billy had laughed at him, called him a pussy.

He gave him more breaths.

And Steve coughed, spluttering.

Billy rolled him onto his side.

He was coughing, water coming out of his mouth.

Billy patted him on the back as everyone fucking clapped. Billy ground his jaw.

Steve was taking shaky breaths now.

The paramedics had arrived, pushing through the pool gates.

They got Steve onto a gurney.

“I, uh, I think I broke a rib during compressions.” Billy was following behind them, Steve’s kids following him like little ducklings.

“That’s okay. Better a broken rib and a breathing person.”

“He just passed out. I think he’s sick.” The loaded Steve up in the ambulance.

His eyes were wide, he looked panicked, staring at Billy, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Can I come with him?” One of the paramedics just nodded, Billy leapt into the ambulance, held Steve’s hand on the way to the hospital.

“You don’t have to stay.” They were in the E.R., waiting for a doctor to come back with the scans of Steve’s chest. They had already stitched up his head.

“Got nothin’ else to do.”

“You just, you don’t gotta take care a’ me.”

Billy dropped his head into his hands.

“Shoudn’ta said all that.”

“It’s fine, Billy. We’re not friends. You don’t owe me shit.”

“Honestly, I think I owe you an apology.” Steve shrugged. “Been treatin’ you like shit for a while now.”

“Look, I had no illusions about what we are to each other.” Billy sat back in his chair, glaring at Steve.

“That’s a lie.”

“No, it’s not. I knew we were nothing more than two people who fuck sometimes.”

“Maybe, but you wanted more.” And Steve’s cheeks went bright fucking red. “I could fucking see it. Just, the way you fuckin’ look at me, man. It was terrifying.” Steve ground his jaw.

“Terrifying?”

“You’re in love with me. Don’t know when, or why, frankly, but you are. And those fuckin’ big eyes a’ yours pretty much show every emotion you feel. So we’re fucking, and I pull outta you, and you give me this look, like you’ve never been happier, like you’re so in love, and Stevie I can’t take that shit.”

Steve’s mouth was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll stop then?” He spoke slowly.

“No, I- shit, I’m not sayin’ any of this right.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I was so scared because I’m not allowed to love you back.”

“But you do?” Steve was still talking all slow. Billy looked at his shoes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh my God, you big baby. You’re allowed to have feelings and emotions.”

“Not in my house.” Steve just stared at him. Billy sighed. “My dad would, would fuckin’ kill me if he found out. And I’m not just being dramatic. He doesn’t take nice to queers.”

“Who says he has to know?” Billy huffed a laugh.

“He always knows. Has ways of findin’ out all sorts a’ shit.”

“We’ve made it this far without him knowing.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he thought I was out fuckin’ every girl in town. He’d rather have a slut for a son than a homo.”

“Tell him you’ve got a girlfriend, then.”

“He’ll wanna meet her.”

“Then get some girl to cover for you. Get Heather or Robin or someone.” Billy chewed on his bottom lip.

“You think one of them would do it?”

“Oh yeah. I mean, Robin hates you on principle, which, sorry about that, but she’d probably do it if you change your ways or something.”

“Yeah? What’s that entail.”

“Don’t give me shit to complain about. She’s my go to when I would be all mopey about you, so if I start bein’ all excited about you, she’d notice.”

“What if she just hates me?”

“Nah. You two would get along great. Her favorite pass time is making fun of me.”

“Okay, but that’s the main pass time of everyone that’s ever met you.

“Hey. Aren’t you supposed to be nice to me now? Now that we’re all in love.” He grinned as Billy flushed.

“Never gonna be nice to you if you rub that shit in my face.”

“Oh please. You broke my fucking rib trying to save my life. Don’t act like you don’t love me.”

“You never thanked me for that shit.”

“Figured I would thank you when I got out of the hospital.” He smiled all coy, biting his bottom lip just a little.

“What you got in mind?”

“Remember like, three weeks ago, when you asked for that thing, and I said over my dead body? Well since I was almost a dead body, figured you could have this one.” Billy’s eyes went wide.

“You’re really gonna let me? Fuck you in you dad’s office?” Billy had stumbled into the room accidentally, kept saying please, Harrington? Just lemme take you on this fuckin’ desk.

“Oh, yeah.”

“That what I get for bein’ your boyfriend, or whatever?” Steve looked down at the thin blanket covering his legs.

“Depends. Are you my boyfriend?

“You want me to be?” Steve nodded, still looking at his lap. “Then, sure. I am.”

And when Steve smiled at him, it was bright as the fucking sun.

#yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

[axemetaphor]

augh i kept forgetting to post this because i kept wantgin to draw mroe for it but i really suck at emulating Animal Crossing Art Style so im just going to go on a rambling explanation about this under the cut but the basic concept is. they deserve a vacation. and whats more relaxing than animal crossing? probably several things but let me have this ok

id had a bunch of ideas for mroe drawings in this style but Clearly, i am not very good at it, and every time i sat down to Try Again it ended up shitty. this is from literally months ago by now lmao

my Basic Concept was just. take the 3 of them and dump them on an animal crossing island, cause while ive been sick ive been playing a lot of new horizons to try and stay stable, and my brain likes to mush together whatever 2-or-more things im invested in together all the time. here’s some bullet points!

-john really loves diving for sea critters and frequently pulls up those bigass lobsters and eels and shit, he’s got an unnatural knack for it. loves to startle the shit out of dave by just whipping an eel out of his pocket. no thats not an innuendo stop that-- -amy loves planting/watering the flowers but shes not like invested in getting All The Different Types (although that Would be neat) she’s just having fun building a large flower patch. it’s slowly overtaking the island. also dave likes to just kinda sit in the flower patch -speaking of dave he kind of doesnt do much, i think he’d like fishing with john and/or amy and maybe hed like digging up fossils but for the most part hes just chillin, as he deserves to be, -amy likes the DIY recipe stuff though and will frequently politely ask dave to go fetch stuff for her. this has led to most of the villagers/islanders/whateverthetermis, the animal citizens, to have their Main exposure to dave be him wandering around with an axe at 3am because amy’s out of hardwood -speaking of the animal citizens, because i just really like them as a concept, i have no solid concept of who-all would be on their island but whoever they are, john is “friends” with All of them (and by that i mean he says theyre all his friends; whether or not they find him obnoxious Varies,) and amy is genuine friends with most of them/has spoken to all of them at least, and dave rarely if ever speaks to them. hes not very social. most of the animals are a little scared of him until they Actually get to talk to him and then they realize hes just an awkward misanthropic bastard -also in case it wasnt clear id think the 3 of them would all be in one little cabin i mean you can upgrade the shit out of those so they could all feasibly have their own spaces. but also i like polyamory and id say they all 3 share a room because fight me they do itd be cute. also of course the decor of their cabin is absolutely bonkers like listen not only does animal crossing have some weird items but nearly any living space john inhabits most likely has some very strange decor in it !  -tbh actually i think john would do Most of the decor stuff cause like based on the way his house is described i think he’d go NUTS for animal crossing’s Theme Decor Shit i dont know i dont actually do a bunch of that but i sure do think he would! amy would help out esp since she likes the DIY stuff, and i think dave is just kind of ..... allowing this nonsense to happen. letting john be free. probably convincing him to not change the theme every day, maybe every week, if only because it’s a bit of a hassle to have everything Constantly Rearranged.  -hang on wait i just thought of the 3 of them wandering along the beach and picking up seashells and now im like emotional over it bro pls. lovely. -also i jsut realized if daves the guy who digs up fossils he definitely talks to blathers a lot and thats an extremely funny thing to contemplate. the dude who seems to not really liek talking to people and the chatterbox owl. fantastic. you know dave is probably too awkward to tell blathers he doesnt want to hear all thsoe archaeopteryx facts! (also tbh maybe dave would actually like learning stuff) -also. john catches bugs just to give them to blathers and watch him freak out just a little about it.  -john always ends up buying fake art from redd but it’s fine because he just puts it somewhere in or near their cabin. amy however has the uncanny good luck to somehow always find the real artworks! dave doesnt talk to redd, he doesnt really care. -this ones definitely projection because my animal crossing island is a mess (And I Like It That Way Thank U Very Much) but john definitely is the guy who will dump extra furniture at random spots on the island. too much shit in storage? don’t need that Harmonious Chair right now? holding it in ur pockets just because u dont know where else to put it? just dump it on the ground! uncannily, john fuckin Always remembers where he’s put that shit when he happens to need it again. however this does mean sometimes the animal citizens will just ... find a mysterious new chair in their front yard.  -i know that terraforming is a new thing in acnh but i havent done it yet because i dont care about the whole 3 stars rating thing like listen im jsut here to run around and fill the museum if i feel like it but mostly pick up pumpkins and hoard bells for no reason and let my island be taken over by wildflowers. if any of the 3 are into that tho its john or amy--john just for the hell of it, amy would actually like try to Make Stuff of it -their front yard (and back yard if their cabin is put somewhere to allow that) is full of unused furniture as well. and also sometimes random dropped fruits or something, if dave is already carrying a ton when he sees something to dig up. -i think im out of shit to say right now but i might reblog to add mroe so. yes. if youve read this far then holy shit youre dedicated or really bored or something but whatever your reason is i hope this was A Fun Read and if it gave you any ideas Please Tell Me my inbox is open im sick and still in quarantine and i crave human interaction from literally anyone who isnt my parents. thank u 

#jdate #john dies at the end #crossover #im not gonna put it in the animal crossing tags but it is mostly animal crossing new horizons stuff #my art #old art at this point though ngfgbn #not sonic #rambles.txt #i seriously went on one in the readmore. i think its pretty great though #p epic that ive found Old Content To Post while im still like. a bit too Fucked Up to make anything new !!

[exclusionistgodzilla]

Things LGB and trans people have in common: not being able to marry, forcible castration, being jailed for our identities, conversion therapy, being told we're pedophiles, being called deviants, people looking for genes/brain structures to prove our existence and find a way to get rid of us with eugenics. I share none of that with a cisgender straight person who wants to date but jsut doesn't want to have sex. Shame on you. You know nothing of Queer History.

Motherfucker I WAS YOU. I was the person pointing out every single fucking difference and every single discrepancy between ace and lgbt history I could find. I searched through and combed every fucking resource I could find that told me ace people didn't belong. And you know what I realized man? I was the hatred I sought to destroy.

Im fighting between the urge to explain why your thinking is flawed on the very basis at which it is constructed and the similar but opposite one to deconstruct everything you've listed. I think I'll do a bit of both.

1. Not being able to marry. This one has been talked about, so I'll keep it short. Consumption has been and continues to be, in certain cultural groups, a requirement to consider a marriage "proper." Ace people would either have to endure r*pe, be considered an impure marriage, or simply not marry at all. Even in situations now where consummation isn't a requirement, finding a relationship you won't feel obligated or straight up be obligated to have sex with your partner is hard as fuck. If you can't find the similarities between this and the experiences of sga and trans people, you're blind as all hell.

2. Forcible castration. Ace people may not face the same struggle, but if you refer to point one (or care to critically read literally anything I've said in response to your dumbass fumbling) you'd recognize a very related of struggle among ace people.

3. Conversion therapy. Again, see point one. R*pe in an attempt to "correct" ace people's orientation is a fucking thing man! Again, just because you ignore it doesn't make it go away! So does doctors seeking a way to "fix it" because of a percieved problem with their libido!

4. Im going to combine these two considering they're very similar or same things very often. These both have to do with a percieved "otherness" or "danger" in sga or trans people. And I return to my point, as you seem to find endless way to do so with your rephrasing. Ace people are seen as other frequently. They are percieved as "incomplete." "Sick." "Inhuman." "Without love." As though their existence is wrong. And I repeat, If you can't find the similarities between this and the experiences of sga and trans people, you're blind as all hell.

5. I return you to the concept on which "asocial" people were designated. I won't go any farther into that topic as it feels disrespectful.

But disregarding all of this, I will stand by one thing.

The differences you percieve are superficial at best, harmful at worst. Ace people and sga/trans people have far more in common in experience than they do not. One may be more systemic or socially open in struggle than the other, but I was one of those people that tried to justify why the grouping of sexuality and gender as one social movement made sense while lack of sexuality didn't. I'll save you the time. It doesn't. The reason behind grouping the two, beyond shared experience, is completely arbitrary. It is our struggles, our difficulties, our ostracization and our hurt that bands us together, not any outward relation. So do yourself a favor? Have some fucking empathy. And stay out of my inbox.

#ace discourse #exclusionist #acecourse #ace disk horse #inclusionist #last time im responding to this person #anyways #tw rape ment #tw holocaust ment?