#i listened to 36 questions a week ago

[jakeranda]

wow this musical about a failed marriage is just like my blorbos!

#i listened to 36 questions a week ago #and i just listened to the last five years #they are both soukoku #prove me wrong #36 questions #last five years #bungo stray dogs #bsd #soukoku #dazai osamu #is always most like the character in the wrong it’s hilarious #chuuya nakahara

[mychoombatheroomba]

Don't Let Go

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 36

You get some unexpected support, and you and Leon come to an understanding that neither of you likes.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

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Chapter Index

They had the day off, but the first thing that everyone wanted was answers.

To his credit, Krauser took the time to answer them all as best he could. 

“Why didn’t you warn us?” 

“I didn’t know.”

“Do they have the authority to even do that?” 

“. . . Yes.” 

“What are they so afraid of us blabbing about?” 

“You’ll be learning that in the coming weeks.” 

“Are those assholes really going to be staying?” 

“Yes.”

Leon stood in the back as the rest of the squad learned what he already knew: what they’d suffered for. What some of them were being sent home for. No one was happy with the answers given, but most understood. Leon understood. The reasoning, at least. Not the practice. Not the torture. He would never understand that. 

Nor would he understand the answer to the question Valeria hissed out, one that had been eating away at Leon, too. The one thing he wasn’t reasonably sure of, on Krauser’s end regarding the whole experience. 

“They had our letters,” she said, her foot tapping against the floor beneath where she sat on her bunk. “From months back.” 

Leon watched shadow overtake Krauser’s eyes, that crease between his brows deepening. 

“Hadn’t heard from my mom. Is it because they held those letters from us?” 

Krauser nodded once, his gaze unwavering even if it was full of regret. “Yes.” 

“And you knew?” Valeria pressed, hurt evident in her features. 

Another pause, before Krauser nodded. “Yes. STRATCOM procedure. No communication with the world outside during training.” 

“So any letters we sent home . . .” 

“. . . Were never sent.”

Top-secret shit, even before the bioweapons were brought into play. 

Not that it made the pill any easier to swallow. 

Still, the Major didn’t try to shift the blame off of himself, even as Valeria fixed him in a scalding glare. If looks could kill, Jack Krauser would be a pile of ash on the ground. “That’s bullshit,” Valeria snapped. “Sir.” 

“Watch that tone, Soto,” Krauser met her, steel for steel. Leon had seen the man make soldiers give him fifty push-ups for mouthing off . . . but he’d also seen him allow Leon to speak his mind. He’d seen the Major listen to Leon’s own concerns, even if the Major seemed to like quite literally everyone else better than him. So, even if he barked at Valeria now, Leon wasn’t surprised when a moment later, the Major just gave her an apologetic look. There were a lot of those that he gave that morning, until there were no more questions. 

None that anyone was brave enough to ask, anyway. 

Their personal effects were passed back out to them - the ones that had been abandoned in the Humvees when Reed and Hellman had taken the squad. Three days ago. Three days and a lifetime, it felt like. 

Just like how Raccoon City felt like a lifetime in one night. 

Pain had a way of doing that, didn’t it? Warping the world. A day became forever, forever became attached to the idea of something terrible. A cage with no bars. He wondered how long he and the rest would be stuck in that cage? How long the bruises would take to heal, how often, like last night, someone would hear movement in the barracks and jolt awake, expecting a blow for having fallen asleep . . .

Everyone was still so quiet as they unloaded their freshly returned packs. Hard not to be when Andersen and the other three who had failed were there, not bothering to join in the unpacking. What was the point if they were going to be gone by tomorrow anyway?

As for the rest, the day was theirs to do with as they pleased, and no one had any idea how to spend that free time. 

Not until heavy footfalls against the floor made Leon and those around him - Alenko, Williams and Valeria - look up, and they found the Major standing there, his hands behind his back. He looked at each of them, gaze sweeping from right to left before landing on Leon and hardening. Sharpening. Leon was sure then that he was about to hear a speech about his failure. About how he’d broken and the only reason that he and Valeria were being allowed to stay were because of Krauser’s own intervention. Or maybe that this entire thing was because of a request that Leon made. He could think of no other reason for the loathing in that stare. 

Instead, the Major looked back at the group as a whole. “Heard you had some trouble back at Fort Benning,” he said, and Leon’s brow furrowed. So the conversation wasn’t going to be about the beatings taken in those cells, but rather the one that he and the others had taken in defense of one another. “Got a call from Commander Cortez a few days back. Said you got into a fight. That you put twelve of his men in the hospital. That true?” 

That, too, seemed like a lifetime ago. Alenko was the one to nod and answer Krauser’s question. “Yes, sir.” He frowned as he spoke, the expression tugging at the splotches of blue and purple on his face. 

Krauser nodded once, his face set in stone. 

“Good,” he finally said, and Leon recognized veiled pride in his eyes. “Make sure you don’t end up in the hospital too, next time.” 

It was one of the few orders that Major Krauser had given in his time here that Leon agreed with. 

Of course, when the Major unclasped his hands and tossed what he’d been holding onto the bunk nearest him, Leon felt an entirely different wave of emotion sweep through him. The little radio rolled onto its back as it landed amidst the scratchy blankets, leaving a flash of recognition to cross Williams’ and Alenko’s faces as they saw it. The same radio that had been in Cortez’s office. The same one you’d somehow stolen for them, that you’d all been listening to on the ride home before everything went wrong. 

Krauser was giving it back to them. 

“And don’t make a habit of stealing from your Commanding Officers.” 

Leon might have laughed, under different circumstances. 

Instead, he found himself even more surprised as Krauser went on, this time looking towards Valeria. “Your letters,” he began, “they were from your mother?” Hellman must have told him, then. Or maybe Krauser had read the letters himself, after the fact. Leon hoped that wasn’t the case. He hoped he hadn’t read through Sherry’s letters before Leon even had the chance to. Still, he knew enough about the contents to ask.

Valeria’s mouth twitched down, and she nodded once in response, stiff and all too plainly upset. 

Krauser nodded too, and again Leon saw conflict in the Major’s face. Whatever combat his thoughts were doing, though, it was over quickly. “I’ll do what I can to get you clearance to write home. All of you.” 

That was all Krauser said . . . but just before he turned away, his eyes found Leon again. Fixed on him like crosshairs. The words spoken were all that were said, but Leon could see that Krauser had more to say. Something lurking just beneath the surface, unformed but sharp. Leon only glimpsed it for a moment, but it was there all the same. Leon almost didn’t care if the Major was angry, now though. Because even if he didn’t have a home to write to, really, he could write to Sherry. 

He might be able to tell her he was sorry for not answering her letters. To tell her he was okay, to make sure that she was alright too. 

So, whatever was behind the sharp look that he received now, Leon just met that sharpness with gratitude. He didn’t get much but a moment of that gaze losing its edge. Just a second or two, and then the moment was gone, and so was Major Krauser, moving down the rows of bunks. He hesitated as he neared Andersen, the older soldier sitting on the edge of his bunk, looking shell-shocked. 

Krauser looked down at him, his jaw tensing as he reached out a hand, patting the other man on the shoulder. 

Then, lifting his chin, he left the barracks. 

More silence followed, until at last, Williams spoke up. “Looks like Sarge was right about him being proud,” she muttered, watching as he stepped through the door. 

There was no doubt in Leon’s mind. Jack Krauser was an asshole. He had a sadistic streak. He liked to push people and he would never apologize for doing it. All of that was still true. 

But maybe you’d been right about more than just Krauser being proud of you all. 

“Do you buy it?” Alenko asked, looking over at Leon. “That he didn’t know about Reed and Hellman?” He didn’t sound overly skeptical. Just like he wanted to be sure. That he needed that one last opinion that reinforced his own. 

You had faith in the Major. Leon had criticized you for that, once. 

Now he understood it better. 

“He’s telling the truth,” Leon nodded, and he could have sworn he felt hell freeze over because he was defending Krauser of all people. “You saw how he reacted to . . .” to your injury. Leon had seen it up close and personal. The shock that mutated into rage. Rage enough to make Krauser nearly do something stupid. 

“Yeah,” Alenko conceded, knowing well enough what Leon was referring to. They’d all seen the concern the Major had for you. The regret he’d hidden poorly as he answered the questions today. He had not meant you all to come to harm. Not like that. 

Didn’t change the fact that you were still going to be hospitalized for who-knew-how-long. 

“Never seen him worried like that,” Williams nodded, shaking her head. 

“Never seen Sarge hurting like that either,” Alenko said, and tensed when he felt Valeria’s gaze turn on him. She was still feeling guilty, Leon could see it. Alenko could too, shutting his mouth when he realized he’d just reminded Valeria of what she’d inadvertently caused. 

Because Reed and Hellman had asked about the two of you specifically. That’s what Valeria had said last night, and those words had Leon on edge. That’s what made him worry even now that there was danger, even now that they were all free of those cells. 

You’d told him last night that you couldn’t risk him being there, and you hadn’t known how right you’d been. 

The two of you had been obvious with your care for one another. So, even if she’d given up information about you two being close, Leon didn’t blame Valeria for what happened. Even if it was clear that she blamed herself. 

Maybe that was why, after a moment, she reached for the radio that Krauser had left on the cot in front of her, and stood. “Come on then,” she said to the group, and her voice had more resolve in it than Leon had heard in a long while. 

“Where are you-”

“We weren’t the ones that stole the radio, right? And Sarge is gonna get a lot more use out of it than we are.” 

It was a day for looking past old angers, Leon found. He hadn’t liked Valeria much before the trip to Fort Benning. That had changed steadily while there. Now, though, as she marched off in an effort to try and alleviate your loneliness, whether to lessen her guilt or because she genuinely cared for you, Leon didn’t care. What mattered was the effort. It mattered that someone besides him cared enough to think of that before he could even voice it. 

And Leon, for the first time in the last few days, smiled. He didn’t hesitate as he stood alongside her, following her as she moved towards the door. It didn’t take long before Williams and Alenko were following along, too. 

⧫⧫⧫

As soon as you heard the knock on the door, you steeled yourself. 

You weren’t sure how you were going to tell Leon. Distancing yourself had been the first instinct. You were good at that. It would be easy. Well, not easy, but doable. You’d done it once before, after all. 

It had left you feeling like shit, and it hadn’t solved anything. 

You’d both promised to talk about what you were feeling. It was a promise you regretted now that it made things more difficult, but you wanted to honor it. You owed him that much. So, you’d torn your mind apart all morning trying to put together the right words. 

Krauser knows-

Reed and Hellman will be watching-

We can’t-

All of them seemed like bullshit, even if the concerns Krauser had raised were valid. Real. Just as the happiness that Leon Kennedy brought you was real, too. The most real thing you’d felt in months, besides that old and aching pain that you could never be rid of. Pain that was dulled and, sometimes, forgotten around the man you’d come to care for so much. The man you’d watched grow into a stronger person, inside and out. The man you would take a thousand hits for. 

You couldn’t just let that go. 

So when you heard that knock, you weren’t sure what the hell you were supposed to do because Leon wouldn’t want to end this. Not now. And neither did you. 

The door opened and you found yourself speaking on instinct alone. “You shouldn’t be in here,” you repeated the words from the night before, not looking up from that spot on the floor you’d chosen as yours. 

And then you regretted not looking up as soon as you heard a smoky but strained voice reply. “Nice to see you too.” 

Your head snapped up and you pushed yourself up from bed, thanking the pain meds in your system for allowing the movement. Valeria didn’t wait to be invited in. Neither did any of the three people following her. Alenko and Williams gave you gentle, apologetic smiles as they followed the shorter woman in, and you felt your heart splinter because you’d thought to spend this day alone, like the last time. You thought you’d have to push Leon away the moment he stepped through the door, just for the sake of keeping up appearances. 

Instead, you found yourself looking at your squad mates with wide eyes. 

And when Leon did walk through the door, you felt that splintered heart break apart when he smiled at you. 

“Hey,” he greeted, and you knew this conversation was going to hurt. Both of you. 

But what conversation was it going to shape up to become? 

You didn’t know, and, as you looked at the four visitors in front of you, you decided that maybe you didn’t want to know, either. 

“Hey,” you said. “What are you all-”

“We got the day off,” Valeria answered. “Figured you could use the company.” 

“If you wanted it,” Leon added, giving you an understanding look. 

You’d been alone during your recovery from Finland. Krauser had checked in on you when he could, but he had a life and duties to attend to. The nurses that pitied you had made for shitty companions. Not that you’d wanted anyone, anyway. Solitude. That had been your companion and your shield. You’d thought just Leon had the ability to break down that barricade around you. 

You’d been wrong. 

It wasn’t quite a smile that you gave the group as you nodded, but it was close enough. “Okay.” 

That surprise and that slight smile only grew as Valeria held out her arm and presented you with none other than the little radio you’d stolen from Cortez’s office. “Think you’re missing this, too.” 

You weren’t sure what to think as you took the radio from her. Valeria seldom did anything without cause. What was her reasoning for this? For being, well, downright kind to you? You didn’t know, and, honestly? In that moment, when you had been so sure you’d been condemned to isolation in every possible way, you decided that you didn’t care, either. 

So, you settled the radio between your hands, fighting back the new kind of pain in your chest. One not born of your cracked ribs or the fear that Krauser’s words had instilled in you. 

This pain was sweeter. One you hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, looking from Valeria, to Leon, and then the rest. 

Valeria just shrugged. “You’re no fun when you’re miserable. So pick a station and let’s fucking relax for once.” 

You couldn’t really argue with that, so you flipped switches and dials until you heard a synth beat and vocals you hadn’t heard in so long. A song from another life. 

“. . . there’s no turning back.”

“Even while we sleep . . .”

“Shit,” Alenko smiled wide as he took a seat a ways away from the bed you sat in. “I love this song!”

Williams just nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall. “Least it’s not the Spice Girls,” she mumbled over her split lip before she looked over at the rest of you who, back in the Humvee, had made her sit through one of their songs. It seemed her opinion of them hadn’t improved. “Respectfully, they’re shit.” The near-apology was delivered with a near-smile to match. 

“Well, Williams,” you found yourself saying, even if your words were muted by the ordeal you’d just been through. Still, there was something familiar there. Something you’d rediscovered at Fort Benning, and were glad to find at your fingertips now; humor. That was what ever-so-slightly colored your words as you told Williams, “ respectfully, go fuck yourself.” 

An Army brat like you, Williams just smirked right back. 

“Help me make the-”

“Most of freedom and of pleasure-”

“Nothing ever lasts forever . . .” 

It made it easier, having them there. There weren’t many words, but there didn’t need to be. You all just listened to the song as it played, finding a comfortable state of quiet between each other. Valeria moved to lean against the wall by Williams’ side. Leon . . . you could tell he wanted to move closer to you. You wanted that too. You wanted it to be just the two of you, like in the hospital in Fort Benning, but Krauser’s warning hung over your head. 

“There’s a room where the light won’t find you-”

“Holding hands as the walls come tumbling down-”

“When they do, I’ll be right behind you . . .”

Being alone with him was dangerous, more so now than it ever had been. That didn’t change simply because you wanted his presence or company. Your desire for him wouldn’t be pitied in a court martial. Not if Reed and Hellman were already looking at you like an infected limb that needed to be cut away.

You needed to heal, and Leon needed to finish this training. You both did. You’d just never thought it would be apart. 

“So glad we almost made it . . .”

So . . . you would be alone with him one more time. At least for a while. 

“So sad they had to fade it . . .”

You hoped he would understand that this was for the best, for now. 

The song eventually finished and you looked up to meet his eyes. You’d learned to speak without words to each other, now. So many stolen glances and nights spent side by side, in training or with him pressed up against the wall of the mess hall, you had a language all your own. Insight into each other’s thoughts. And as you looked into those ocean blues, you saw your own thoughts reflected back at you. 

There was a talk to be had, and both of you knew it. 

⧫⧫⧫

The day went on and eventually the others left. Alenko was first, saying he was going to go in search of food. Had to be desperate, to want what the mess hall served, but Leon didn’t begrudge him. The hunger of those three days had left them all empty just as much as the rest of the experience had. 

Williams went next, saying she needed to move, to make up for those days spent in captivity. Valeria didn’t take much convincing when asked to join her.

Leon almost told them to be careful. To not let the agents see them. 

To not end up in the predicament that the two of you were in. 

A situation that became clear and present, once the two of you were left alone, the radio playing on. 

“How are you feeling?” He knew what the answer would be, but he asked anyway.

“They gave me pain meds,” you shrugged as best you could, “so not that bad right now.” 

At least there was that. Even if you shouldn’t have had to be in the infirmary in the first place. “Have they told you how long you’ll be on bed rest?” Leon asked, because he didn’t want to have the other conversation. Not yet. 

The mirth that had been present on your face, however muted, faded. “It was a six week recovery last time. For the bones.” 

“Six?” The number sounded so much worse than what Leon had imagined. He remembered his own long recovery from the gunshot wound he’d suffered in Raccoon City. It had seemed long then, but he hadn’t been kept from anything. It hadn’t stopped him from living his life. Not that he’d done much living after that night anyway. Still, he couldn’t imagine what this was like to you, because it would be six weeks without physical training. Six weeks without sparring, without being able to clear your head in the way Leon knew you would need. Six weeks of what would be hell to you. 

And if you couldn’t train for combat like the rest of them . . . would you be able to graduate with the rest? With him? 

“You need to keep practicing,” you told him, and by the stiffness of your words, Leon could tell that you were thinking of exactly what he was thinking of. It sounded like you were telling him to go on without you. “Train with the others, but ask Krauser to spar too. He’s the best. He’ll kick your ass, but he’ll make you better.”

“You say that like you’re not gonna-”

“I’m not gonna be able to spar with you, Leon. Not for a while. I’m not gonna be there. You can’t let yourself fall behind with me.” 

The words, while well intentioned, were painful to hear aloud. True, but painful because after months of training with you, he couldn’t imagine not being by your side. He didn’t want to have to train for hell on earth and not know that you would be there to face it with him. 

But you were right. 

As unfair as it was, as completely and utterly shitty, you were right. 

“Okay,” he nodded. “But then when you’re better, we’ll catch you back up.” Because he knew you would need it. He knew you’d want it, too. That after so long letting your body heal, you would want nothing more than to throw yourself back into the swing of things. 

The trouble was-

“Leon . . .” you shook your head, and he knew that the conversation he’d dreaded was here. “Krauser knows.” 

Just like that, the color drained from his face. You’d never been one to beat around the bush, but those words were like being doused in ice water.

“About . . .”

“Us.” 

He felt a pit open up in his stomach that threatened to turn him inside-out, and all he could do was sit on the bed beside you. The jaws were closing in. Had that been the cause of that look from Krauser earlier? Had the Major been looking at him with such disdain because of that?

“. . . Fuck.” It was really all he could say. Why even warn you about Reed and Hellman if the game was already over . . .

“He’s not going to report it.” 

. . . or maybe not as over as Leon had thought. 

“What?” he blinked, turning to look at you without bothering to hide his confusion. Major Krauser hadn’t exactly been by the books, as far as Leon knew, but he’d been so adamant about respecting the order of things. This whole mess had happened because he’d not wanted to step outside the bounds of red tape. Why the hell hadn’t he reported fraternization? 

“Said he doesn’t care. But he also said that Reed and Hellman will.” 

Leon nodded, trying to reconcile all the mismatched thoughts and solutions buzzing around his mind. 

“So he’s saying he won’t stop us but if we get found out we’re fucked.” 

You just nodded, the air growing heavier and heavier with each moment. Because Leon knew where this was going, just as much as you did. 

Leon pursed his lips, looking down. “They asked about us during the interrogations,” he finally said. “Reed and Hellman. Valeria told me they were asking.” 

It was your turn to frown, he could see it out of the corner of his eyes. He wouldn’t rat Valeria out, but you deserved to know that the agents were onto you, even if Krauser wouldn’t be the one to confirm it.

Why wouldn’t he confirm it?

“Then they’ll be watching.” 

Leon nodded once, feeling emptiness beginning to set in. “So what do you want to do?” he asked, dreading the answer because he’d heard the distance in your voice last night, and he could hear it even then. He’d heard it once before, after you’d kissed him that first night and tried to convince yourself and him that it was a mistake. 

The difference was that, then, he’d seen that emptiness in your eyes, too. He’d seen you retreating into yourself. 

He knew you well enough now to know that the look that he saw in your eyes didn’t match the attempt at distance in your voice. Because, as you turned your gaze up towards him, Leon could see only conflict. Only you, a casualty of the crossfire between what your mind had to be telling you and what your heart wanted. When you answered, that conflict was all the more apparent. “You know what I want. But we have to be smart about this. Because if Krauser knows - and has for months now - then Reed and Hellman will pick up on it too, and they’re already gunning to cut me for this shit,” you gestured down to your ribs, and Leon swore he heard your voice waver.  

“They wanted me out, too,” Leon admitted, and he watched some fear seep into your expression. “Krauser convinced them to let me stay.” 

And again, Leon found himself wondering why?

“They wanted . . . why?” you asked. Why they’d wanted Leon gone - that’s what you were asking about. 

“Because I broke,” he admitted, his voice hushed. Not ashamed, but overwhelmed by other emotions. “When they were hurting you, I had to get them to stop. So I was going to tell them what they wanted to know. Right before Krauser got there.” 

You looked at him then, silent, your eyes piercing his own. Searching and seeing straight through him, just as you always had. 

You had suffered on account of him. It was the last thing he ever wanted for you, but you’d endured it. You’d taken pain for him, in fights and behind bars, and you’d been taking pain from him for far longer. With your company, with your touch. You’d helped each other learn to walk again. It was what had made him fall in love with you, even if it had been something that happened to him at the end of your knife. 

He loved you. So, he made a decision. 

“Look,” he went on, turning to face you more, feeling something in him building. A resolve or a desperate hope, he wasn’t sure. “I’ll focus on training. I’ll work with Krauser, I’ll . . . I’ll only visit you with the others, if you think it’ll be less suspicious. But I’m not leaving you here by yourself. I’m not letting go of this. I can’t do that. Not if you don’t want to let go, either.” 

He watched you, feeling emotion overtaking him. Bearing down on him, nearly making him shake because it had all been too much. Raccoon City. STRATCOM. All the hurts he’d suffered - that you’d suffered - and the best thing to come from it all had been this. You. 

So, his throat constricting, he hoped that you felt the same way. 

For a moment, he worried, because you were staring at him like he was something you could never have. He saw the regret in your eyes, the tension in your body, like you were bracing for some great pain. It all faded, though, and the corners of your mouth turned up just a bit. The dark of night graying as the sun tried to appear once more. 

It was all the warning he had before your lips were on his, and Leon felt the resolve he’d built up for months, the guard he’d put around himself in that prison, crumble. Emotion and relief flooded him, and his hand shook a bit as he lifted it to your face. It was different from the kisses the two of you had stolen in the shadows. Different than the sweet one he’d given you in the hospital at Fort Benning. This was all longing. Wordless in its declaration. He held you gently, no longer needing to memorize the feel of you but trying to hold on to every detail anyway. 

Because he didn’t know when he’d next get the chance to kiss you. Or hold you. Or be with you the way he wanted. 

But he wasn’t letting go. 

“I don’t want to let go, either,” you told him, your lips against his. “I don’t know when we’ll be able to-”

“Neither do I,” Leon admitted, as the words tore at him. “But . . . we’ll find a way.” 

He had to believe that. 

He had to believe that this wedge being driven between the two of you wouldn’t change what he felt. And to that end, he would watch. He would find moments of safety for the two of you, he would learn to play the spy game if it meant he could steal a few heartbeats with you. He’d wait for those moments, and he’d wait for you. 

However long it took. 

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Chapter Index

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #resident evil x reader #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #resident evil #between the bones #gender neutral reader #leon kennedy x you #no y/n #jack krauser

[zmediaoutlet]

hello z, i have tried to pick some fun ones! 36, 62, 93

!! o bud of buds!! holy cow!

36. do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

this is a bit of a tricky question with fic, but of course the answer remains ultimately yes -- bc all those little details that don't exist in the original text need to come from somewhere, and it turns out that you can flesh out existing characters quite a bit in a way that still feels IC with details from your mom or bestie (cough) or that one waiter at that restaurant. With OCs, who are usually also NPCs, it's also best practice as far as I'm concerned to plagiarize wholesale from real life -- they don't really matter except as flavor or to act as a cog in the machinery of how the scene moves forward, so you might as well make it easy on yourself AND possibly get a tiny inside joke with yourself, and also they just naturally are believable because they're real. Trying to come up with someone Distinctive and Wacky almost always reads false, whereas if you just use a real human who is distinctive and wacky au naturel they just... work. Shout-out to the inclusion in one of my stories of that one Beowulf professor who looks and acts like Santa. (I wonder if he's still with us?) Making that guy up would be stupid and you'd be tempted to include Fun Details to color him in; as is he just. Exists. Much better.

62. what’s the weirdest reason you’ve ever shipped something?

I thiiiink I can say that my shipping reasons are almost never because something would be Hot (unless I'm lying, but I don't think I am), so I guess in the larger fic context that might be weird in itself. Off the top of my head weird is a big ask. I ship Sam/Eileen specifically in the sense that I want her to be really into it and I want Sam to think that he's into it and then realize very quickly that, oh yeah, he's never actually fully committed to a relationship and what was he thinking, and so they fuck once and then he takes a call from Dean practically before he's wiped off and Eileen realizes with sinking disappointment and humiliation that she's never ever going to measure up. Like -- the reason I ship it is out of weird spite, haha. That's pretty bad, isn't it. I also ship Paul/Jessica from Dune basically purely out of that one scene where they first climb into their stillsuits in the first movie, not because I actually want to but because they are so fucking weird about it, and what is shipping really but listening to the weird-ass notes that canon itself drops and going "...wait, you what?"

93. do you hear other people’s writing styles when they talk?

SUPER no. I mean for a given value of talk. I am lucky enough to have some writer-buds and the way they communicate in text hardly matches up at all to the stuff they put out, which I find really interesting. I've been told that I talk a little how I write but of course that depends on the fandom and the mood of the story -- like, Supernatural-from-Dean's-POV-the-way-I-write-it tends to be really naturalistic and straightforward and he even drops a lot of the same references I would (seriously, Dean would've gotten along with the z fam), so that just feels like--transcribing. But, you know, The Australian doesn't work that way, nor does The Ornithologist. (Last time I read narrative from The School was a long time ago but I think that was a little closer? We'd have to think about it.) I wonder if that's a deliberate choice from people? I wonder further if literally writing more volume of words might affect how you communicate non-narratively. e.g. David Sedaris (for this week's mild obsession) certainly talks how he writes, but which came first? Conundrums.

#this feels like a crossover event! how exciting #ty for morning distractions #(i was clearly already Too Sleepy last night) #((tho not sleepy enough for twink cloud bits eyy)) #answers #ask meme #writing meme

[matan4il]

Good morning, sweet Alice. I want to write and comment every day! But my mood fluctuates from anger, sadness, rage, and disappointment that sometimes it's hard to find the right words or tones. Especially because it can feel petty in regards to what you are actually living through.

So I thought you know what I couldn't share anything new with you. Why don't I tell you a story back??

This has been an interesting few weeks in my corner of CA for how many people are actually paying attention now. I don't think Iran expected Hamas to succeed this far and now........ it's fucking out there. In ways that show their evil to normies that can't be ignored. In reference, especially about the baby in the over.

I had one friend call me to ask, what exactly is Hamas and for once listen to me about the answer.

I had a younger family member remove their palestine river to the sea post from a year ago and actually call me. To ask questions.

On a sad note, I have one friend whose little sister is leaving her college and coming home at the end of the semester. We can't be there to help her, but we have been door dashing and locals checking in on her. She's terrified to leave her dorm. With that, though, it's actually opening people's eyes to the leftist extremist on college campuses. At least she can come home and be safe with friends and family. She's not the only one!!

People are finally asking questions and paying attention. I think it will get uglier before it's better. But it's a loud disingenuous loud. There is push back finally. People can not comprehend the evil acts that Hamas executed. And they won't be shamed into moral equivalency it.

I hope you're all staying safe!!! Thank you for always updating us!!!

My darling friend! *hugs*

Thank you so much for this. For all of it. Your words are always kind and meaningful, and simply knowing that you wanna write daily is so beautiful, I feel blessed that you found my blog, and I got to meet you! I felt that way even before this massacre, and I feel that even more since... <333

IDK what Hamas and Iran expected. The amount of ammunition and weapons that Hamas brought with them was meant to allow them to hold entire town hostage for way longer than the 24-36 or so hours that they did (depending on which town we're talking about). I heard estimates ranging from several days to a month. Either way, they came prepared for longer than they lasted. So, did they manage more than they expected, 'coz at first they did get to kill so many defenseless civilians with no interference, as they managed to neutralize the security forces? Or did they succeed less than expected, since they lost control of Israeli towns faster than they intended? I don't know.

I do believe that Hamas (and maybe Iran as well) expected Israel to strike back, but without taking down Hamas, which is what happened in previous cases. In 2014, they kidnapped and murdered three Jewish teenagers. But for a while, the fate of those boys was unknown. The Hamas launched rockets at Israel for arresting their terrorists as Israeli security forces tried to find out what happened to the kidnapped boys. Then, by the time the bodies were recovered, dumped in a field, Hamas used the terror tunnels that they secretly built into Israeli territory in order to kidnap and kill Israelis. I'll never forget the tunnel they dug into a kindergarten. They only managed to kidnap the bodies of two Israeli soldiers. No living hostages. Maybe they thought that if they got away with that whole sequence of events, they'd get away with this, too. Maybe they really believed Israel didn't take down Hamas back then because we're cowards, not because of the cost in human life to both sides.

But as for the west's reaction, I find it incredibly reassuring to hear from you that some people have not become SO radicalized, that the massacre of Israelis is something they can justify, ignore or deny. That's comforting, but IDK how representative it is. Because I don't remember people being this bold in their antisemitism in the past, either. I don't remember that people just flat out said that Jews deserve to die for something we are not. I do not remember Jewish students being this scared on college campuses or in their own homes before this false narrative that casts Jews as colonizers of their own native land. And while I'm glad that there are people waking up, I think others are sinking even deeper into the pool of Kool Aid. I've seen people who I hadn't seen posting against Israel before doing just that, and I have seen people shamelessly denying the atrocities of the massacre... And I have no way of knowing what's happening more, people being shaken out of their apathy to the well being of Israeli Jews, or people even further de-humanizing us.

I'm so grateful for your dose of optimism! I am very much embracing it to my heart, and keeping it close to me, and I will pray with all my might that at the end of the day, people are kind, and they do recognize the reality of the threat that Israel is facing. I'm even more grateful to you for speaking up, and educating others, making sure to pass on our voices to those we can't reach. What you're doing is truly essential, and I wish I had a way to show you just how thankful I am.

Sending you all my endless love, always! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#ask #daphnesvalley #israel #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #antisemitism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #fandom love #kindness #thank you! #<33333 #little glimmers of hope

[its-paperd]

36 and uhhhhhhhhh crerror,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

-one and only

oh boy this ain't gonna be good <:/

[ can you lock the door? / ship: crerror ]

" cross. lock the door for me. "

Cross was hesitant about his request. They were just at the couch watching Undernovella until Error suddenly teleported themselves into his room back in the castle. Nonetheless, he got up from the beanbag they were sitting and locked the door.

He turned to Error only to find him gone. Huh? Where did he go? He questioned himself until he felt a hard kick on his spine, causing him to tumbling forward and hitting his sternum on the edge of the mattress of the bed. He groaned in pain yelling to Error why the hell did he do that, only to be met with his face welling up in tears.

" YOU PROMISED THAT YOU'D SEND SIGNS WHEN YOU WERE OUT ON THAT SEARCH A MONTH AGO! AND NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BARGE IN AND JUST DROP YOURSELF ON ME WHO WAS WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU?! " Error yelled and shrieked while Cross just looked at him in disbelief in himself.

" why the hell didn't you answer back. " Error choked his words out. Cross seemed confused and asked him what did he mean by that. He earned yelling from a very distressed Error.

He had forgotten that he and Error had tied each other strings on their wrist to send each other signals. He felt his left wrist and realized that he must've lost it somewhere, his dread increasing. Error kept arguing, " I HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. I HAD ONLY FELT THE WIND BLOWING AND MY WRIST HAD BEEN FREEZING OVER THE PAST WEEK. "

Error had been already lost control of his tears by now, Cross meanwhile had been left speechless. The silence was so loud. And after all that, all that Cross had managed to say was " i'm sorry. "

However the glitch doesn't take that well and hit the wall hard, cracks spreading around the attack. He then fell to the floor on his knees and cried his soul out, babbling on how he missed him, how he went on with sleepless nights wondering if he was alright and other wordless pleas.

Cross all but crawled towards him and looped his arms around the glitch in attempts to hold him close. Error only clung onto him and sobbed into his shoulder, barely listening to Cross's muttering of apologies.

#they're both clingy like me :( /hj #mailmail✉️ #✨ written paper'd #crerror #cross x error #cross sans #error sans #✨queueueued

[mika-moof]

ask meme: divisibles of 3 =w=

3. What was the last song you listened to? 

Bestie you are not gonna believe this one

6. Do you prefer drawing or writing?  Drawing! I've fallen off a bit because of stuff but I was picking up drawing a lot at the beginning of the year. Hopefully going to pick it up soon again

9. When is your birthday? 

Middle of May for my body birth date, end of July for *my* birthday! Generally celebrate both but I think the latter is more important rn

12. Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? 

this is a good question and in no particular order, probably Sylvie, Vivi (one in particular but I know a few if they'd let me), Maddy, you, Jadie/Ashie, Anna and loooots of others (I am a coward and won't tag them but if you see this i love you all)

15. What’s your favorite season?  Probably Fall, mid to late in particular. The changing colors, the cooler temperatures, the warm drinks but not too cold to have to layer up a bunch to go outside, I like it a bunch 18. Who is the last person you texted? 

I don't text often but my brother from a week ago, and the "Mika Petting Zone" in discord (my friends are the worst (best))

21. How was your day today? 

24. When was the last time you cried? Why? 

See 21

27. What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

Right now I'll lean into Manga and say MagiRevo

30. What are you looking forward to in the near future?  Already answered, but forging myself into something new

33. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? 

closed, but not out of a specific preference

36. Do you like your middle name?  I'll honestly say yes to both. The one I kinda have picked for the future is cute, and the one I currently have is a fucking shitshow that makes me a one piece character

39. Do you stay up late?

Routinely, but lately I've been sleepin a bit earlier

42. Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

See question 12 because the list is the same and the response is the same (if I was in a better place mentally I'd tag them but rn I feel like it'd be a bother)

45. Is there anyone you would die for? 

I'm done with this mindset, I'd rather live for people

48. Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

mmmm ask me again in a year or two

#mika answers #racharii #there were some hard ones in this set lol

[bramblemantle]

question meme thing, tagged by @nosongunsung11 ( o/ !!)

tagging: uhhhhhh let’s say @lupathemoth and @a-little-monotonous ! as well as anyone else who’d like to use this format

share your wallpaper: it used to be ace attorney for a really long time, now it’s blaseball. i don’t tend to change visuals often

lock screen is this artwork of Parker by @ HORSEIZONTAL on twitter

home screen is this Jaylen artwork by @ 0re

my laptop lock screen is that title screen artwork of Revachol from Disco Elysium, home screen is this, don’t know what the original source is but it’s on a lot of wallpaper sites. miiiight be wallpaperstock dot net ?

last song you listened to?: i’m listening to music all of the time but as i’m writing this i’m listening to Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You by Rilo Kiley. in general i’ve been listening to a lot of the Garages and Paramore. so i’m also linking Ignorance bc i keep getting it stuck in my head

currently reading?: i’m rereading the Animorphs series for the first time in years! this is actually the first time i’ve read the series in its entirety, as my personal collection grows sparse after book 30 so there’s some i’ve never read. i’m currently on book 36 out of 54! (plus the extras in there whenever they fit chronologically)

last movie you watched?: uhh i don’t watch a lot of movies. technically Sing i think? i was playing totk and sitting with my 7 y/o brother. he wanted to watch Sing but he got distracted before the end of the movie and turned it off. if we’re talking about movies i watched for me then there’s a good chance it was the new Puss in Boots movie or Into the Spider-Verse but it’s been like a couple months

craving: toasted bagel. butter on it. the good stuff. the creamy kind of butter. tim hortons does it right. also i could go for some dark chocolate

what are you wearing right now?: uhhhh some kinda kapris (?) with grey flower and triangle patterns, and a muscle shirt (?) i was just gifted with pride flags on it. it’s hot as balls. if it weren’t hot as balls i’d have on one of my fave tees, and my Houston Spies bomber jacket or one of my beloved long coats

how tall are you?: 5’2” and a half, which i only found out last year when i finally asked at a visit with doctors

piercings?: nah i’m too much of a baby abt the pain and don’t want to deal with maintenance, but they look cool as hell on anyone

tattoos?: same as above but i’m more likely to be tempted into getting something small someday

glasses? contacts?: i’ve been wearing glasses since elementary school, they’re an all day necessity for me. i gotta get new ones, i’ve had these lenses for years and the frames for even longer whoops. the prescription definitely doesn’t line up anymore

last drink?: iced capp from tim hortons hehe. i don’t consume a lot of caffeine but that shit slaps and cold drinks are a must in this weather

last show?: i also don’t watch a lot of tv! uhhhhh i’m drawing a blank. there’s a chance it was Centaurworld but that was a WHILE ago (and i’ve been thinking of rewatching it soon)

favourite colour?: purples and teals. also browns when there’s a saturated accent colour with it

current obsession?: split between Blaseball (the brainrots been going strong since october) and several different groups of ocs. and also Animorphs i missed Animorphs so much i love Animorphs. fundamental to my childhood. i’m getting back to my roots

unrelated obsession?: not quite sure what this is asking! but Tears of the Kingdom is Up There as well, i’m trying not to rush through the game but i’m finding it very hard to put down ^-^’

or actually if that question is asking about obsessions not tied to any fandom. it’s prehistoric animals and/or bats :]

any pets?: there’s a lot of animals i know and interact with throughout the week. i live with a dog (old chihuahua named Prince) and 3 cats (Charming, Bella, and Mr. Kitty). of those, Mr. Kitty is My Cat part time. he loves my granny a lot too, he’s always either in my room or hers, snuggled up near one of us. he’s one of my best friends he’s so important to me :] my silly little guy

do you have a crush on anyone?: i still am not sure what that’s supposed to feel like and if i have ever felt it before but no i don’t right now. just love and admiration for my pals 🫶

favourite fictional characters: there’s so many my guy. i have a tag for blorbos that live in my brain. the ones on my mind a lot recently are a bunch of Blaseball players, the kids from Animorphs (in particular Rachel, Tobias, and Cassie. the latter two were always tied for favourite when i was a kid but i’ve also found a new appreciation for Rachel as well. man. these kids), the iterators from Rain World, the satellites from 17776/20020, Emmet & Ingo from Pokemon, the list can go on and on and on

last place you travelled?: uhhhh i don’t get out much! i haven’t left the valley i live in for years. i don’t know how far away ‘travel’ has to be to count as travel, the last trip i’ve been on might have been a family vacation into the states? in any case i didn’t go anywhere noteworthy in the past year or more

#bramble rambles #long post #ask memes #i don’t know if that’s the right one for this category of post but close enough #Spotify

[manysmallhands]

My Favourite Songs of 2023 part 1: 40 - 31

The route to this post has not been the smoothest. I've been working on this list since the end of November but I got Covid a few weeks ago and so writing became impossible for a while. Given the amount of time that's passed between then and now, it's become clear to me that some of my choices would be different if i did them over again. However, I am sticking to my original version of the list, a few ups and downs notwithstanding. This is because of one reason and one reason only: I am lazy and I don't want to do it again. My apologies to Troye Sivan and Baby Queen, who i'd probably have found places for amongst others. I can only imagine the streams these artists will lose by not being covered in my blog posts and I hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

However! Every song here is still a banger and, even if I think there might be one or two that are better, surely that only adds to the fun of speculation: Which could it be? Which ones would I have left out? Don't imagine it's definitely the songs with the lowest numbers: my method of ranking is fairly haphazard and I might go so far as to say that these numbers are a load of old bollocks. Still, I've enjoyed myself writing this and, given the infinitesimal number of people who will read it, that is surely the thing that counts. I'm posting the songs in rounds of ten cos that's all that Tumblr will let me embed at a time. Let's go!

40. Girl Ray - Everybody’s Saying That

Girl Ray’s disco turn has in all truth been a bit ropey but Everybody’s Saying That is the best exception, all Nile Rogers shimmer and effortless Studio 54 cool. Poppy Hankin chimes in with the self confidence of the misfit (“Everybody’s saying that you could’ve done better but I really wanna end up with you!”), striking out with winningly frank charm against a backdrop of glittery nightlife

39. En Attendant Ana - Fools And Kings

En Attendant Ana’s third LP was a surprise critical hit but it was the more delicate songs which really stood out for me. Fools And Kings in particular ditches the jangly mathrock approach for a gentler, almost old style RnB feel, as Margaux moves to a more human level lyrically. I don’t think there’s another moment across the album nearly as touching as when she sings “Are you OK y’know?”, a question that we'd all benefit by hearing from time to time.

38. Cassö, RAYE, D-Block Europe - Prada

This thumping remix of DBE and RAYE’s Ferrari Horses takes the original understated vocal performances and hammers at them with a full range of doofs, bleeps, icy synths and the general sense of being in the middle of a cocaine heart attack. The result was wedged in the top 3 for weeks this autumn and, while doomed never to top the charts, it still feels as bracing as the first time I heard it.

37. Maple Glider - Dinah

Maple Glider is one of the new breed of folky singer songwriters but Dinah in particular has the same light as air charm as the sweetest kind of indiepop. Lyrically though, the song tells a much darker story, a tale of sexual abuse in the church where the ingenuousness in her voice underlines the deeply uncomfortable places that it goes. There's an obvious sense of queasiness in that contrast but Dinah's tuneful charm manages to hold it all together.

36. Dimension - DJ Turn It Up

I’ve spent a lot of the last 6 months listening to Radio 1 and this sort of 90s style rave banger is the kind of thing they play a lot. DJ Turn It Up has stuck with me more than most though: maybe that's cos it was the one of the first that I heard, or possibly because of the way the vocal is used as a kind of rhythm track rather than the focal point, relying on the song's musical hooks and twitchy energy to wind up the listener. Whatever it is, DJ Turn It Up slaps: do as the lady says.

35. Talib Kweli/Madlib - Marathon Thru Babylon

Following on from last year’s excellent Black Star reunion (also produced by Madlib), Kweli’s solo project was just as good, with Marathon Thru Babylon providing one of the highlights. Madlib’s signature of grainy old soul samples and booming beats underpins Talib and Mechell Ndegeocello as they trade verses on the nature of time and its malcontents and throw in some conspiracy theory for good measure too. Mechell’s wake up sheeple ending may prompt me to crack a smile but in truth it all just adds to the song’s murky charm.

34. Charli XCX - Speed Drive

One could make the case that Speed Drive has been phoned in a bit - trashy lyrics, yet another interpolation - but every time Charli says “HOT!” it probably makes me happier than I’ve been during any other song this year. The general impression I get from Speed Drive is that, not only would Charli and Barbie be fantastic pals, but also that I will cheerfully listen to any old bollocks that she puts out these days.

33. Free Love - Open The Door

The Glasgow duo probably have fewer listeners than anyone in this list but they sounded like the band who were enjoying themselves the most in 2023. While their Insides album was a more eclectic mix overall, Open the Door sticks close to a Jean Michel Jarre-like template of the future, all laser shots and weird analogue FX, while Suzi Cook’s smartly accented vocals managed to keep an indie vibe within its razor sharp pop hooks.

32. Miley Cyrus - Used To Be Young

Miley doing this kind of “looking back at my misspent youth” song aged 30 feels enjoyably transgressive in its own right but Used To Be Young is so much more than just its brilliant concept. A melodramatic power ballad with some fine turns of phrase, Miley stick two fingers up at the finger waggers and nails some genuinely colossal moments (her yelling of the title at 2.37 must surely become a karaoke staple) as the idea of Miley as ageing rock legend comes off as a surprisingly viable concept. 

31. Lana Del Rey - The Grants

There’s a gospel feel to the opener on Lana’s excellent Did You Know There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard album, switching between a gloomy tone and something more redemptive as she contemplates reaching across the great divide. The effect is as uplifting as anything she's ever done, capturing that classic Lana space between the heartfelt and theatrical to create a secret third emotion that intensifies the whole idea. It’s another variation on her standard trick but what can I say, I remain easily pleased.

More tomorrow, if i get my act together.

#Youtube #Songs Of 2023 #Lana Del Rey #Free Love #Miley Cyrus #Charli XCX #Talib Kweli #Madlib #Dimension #Maple Glider #Cassö #RAYE #D Block Europe #Girl Ray #En Attendant Ana #Pop #Rock #Indie Rock #Hip Hop #Folk Pop #Dance Music #Best Songs Of 2023

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

India Lima Yankee - Chapter 36

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 2640

Warnings: Implied sex

Summary: Juliette Kazansky discovers Maverick is back in town for a special training detachment, but she's more than a little blindsided when Rooster arrives too. Having not spoken to him for almost ten years after their less than amicable break-up, Juliette can only imagine how the next few weeks are going to play out when she remains head over heels in love with him while he wants nothing to do with Juliette other than to forget her.

Or so she thinks.

Notes: Chapters in italics are flashbacks. Also I know I used See You Again in another chapter but I couldn't resist using it for this one too.

Chapter Songs: All To Myself This Love

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19 Chp 20 Chp 21 Chp 22 Chp 23 Chp 24 Chp 25 Chp 26 Chp 27 Chp 28 Chp 29 Chp 30 Chp 31 Chp 32 Chp 33 Chp 34 Chp 35 Chp 36

Rooster

Being sent up allowed Rooster a few hours of reprieve from the memory of leaving Juliette behind, to forget the tears falling like waterfalls down her cheeks, the pain in her voice as she spoke, the trembling of her hands when she placed the locket in his palm... At least, it worked until the monotony of being up in the air for five hours straight started to get to him. With Phoenix leading the group, the chatter having died down, and with nothing but open ocean and no enemy territory nearby, Rooster found himself with nothing but time to think about Juliette.

It'd killed him to leave her, worse than he thought it would. It's not like he hadn't expected it to be rough. They both knew it would be. But he hadn't predicted the sensation of having his heart ripped to shreds or having a hole in his chest where his heart should've resided. But he'd left it back on North Island with Juliette, and if his heart wasn't with him, at least it was with her. 

Jules should've been with them. She should've been allowed aboard the carrier to see the mission through after having helped everyone so much. She'd given pointers to everyone on ways they could improve in a kinder way than Maverick. He'd made the pilots figure out what they did wrong themselves with some harsh words and scenarios involved, and while it certainly helped, so did having an outside perspective give specifics on how they could improve, which is what Juliette provided. She'd also offered a calming presence to the large egos in the room. Everyone had one, all dwarfed by Hangman's, of course, but even he'd been knocked into place by Juliette. What she'd said to him after his near fight with Rooster remained a mystery to everyone but Juliette and Hangman, but it'd been effective whatever it was. 

Rooster loved flying. Being an aviator wasn't simply what he was; it was who he was, but he'd be damned if Juliette didn't make him question his identity. Rooster knew one thing for certain, however. This deployment would be the longest of his God damn life. The day until he returned to North Island couldn't come soon enough. He couldn't wait to hold Juliette in his arms, to see her bright smile, to hear her laugh at one of his stupid jokes or references, to listen to her explain the proposal she was working on for Lockheed even though he had no idea what she was saying. Rooster couldn't wait to get down on one knee and propose to Juliette in front of every living person on this planet, to do what he should've done almost nine years ago. Rooster couldn't wait to see Juliette walk down the aisle in a stunning wedding dress, to carry her across the threshold of their house, to run his hands up and down her curves, to hear her screaming his-

"Daggers, return to carrier." The order cut through Rooster's thoughts, which he was grateful for. The last thing he needed to think about was his last night with Juliette while all alone in a jet.

Phoenix landed first, followed by Payback, Hangman, Coyote, and then him. Rooster crawled out of his plane and shuffled to the berthing quarters, deep in thought. He had no way to reach Juliette, and that, Bradley realized, was the most difficult thing about this deployment. He couldn't call or text her at any time during the day. All Rooster could do was scroll through the few photos he managed to take of them and maybe try calling her once they docked at another port. Hopefully, Juliette would pick up.

Bradley realized how bad off he was when he'd been walking through the ship earlier, before they'd even left port, and thought he'd seen her walking alongside Hondo. He'd blinked, and like ghosts, they were gone. 

Great. Rooster thought grimly. I haven't even left port, and I'm already hallucinating.

"Rooster!" Phoenix called out, garnering his attention. He halted, waiting for her to catch up. "You good?"

"Yeah, fine," he lied, figuring she'd see right through it. 

She did. "You missing Juliette?"

All Rooster could do was nod, the image of Juliette's tearful goodbye burned into his memory.

"It's safe for me to assume that you two worked things out, then?"

"Yeah, we did." Rooster smiled at that fact, at least. They'd more than worked things out, and it was why being away from her hurt so badly. "She held it together in front of all of you, but when it came to me and Maverick-"

Phoenix nodded understandingly. "She's closer to you two than the rest of us. Makes sense. Listen, you want to grab an early dinner with the team? Maybe it'll be a good distraction, take your mind off of her for a bit."

"Sounds good. Thanks, Phoenix," Rooster said appreciatively, grateful to have a friend like her. She understood when he needed a push and when he needed an ear, when he needed scolding and when he needed help. People like her were hard to come by. And although Bradley would much rather have been left alone to his thoughts, he recognized it was the last thing he should do. Both Juliette and Maverick had told him not to think, to do, and he thought the advice sounded decent right now.

Rooster swiftly changed out of his flight gear and met Phoenix and the others at the Mess Deck. Grabbing his tray of food, he took a seat at the end of the table, which gave him a small excuse not to have to engage in conversation. Instead, he listened half-heartedly until Hangman asked, "Bradshaw, you know who Mav is sending up?"

"Why would I know?" Rooster countered, annoyed. It's not like he and Maverick were talking outside of training. Still, now that Bradley and Juliette were engaged, he debated offering an olive branch to the captain. Maverick would always be part of her life, and Rooster considered fixing his broken relationship with Mav for her sake, and maybe, just maybe, his own sake too. He could still see the longing, the pain, the regret, in Maverick's eyes every time the captain looked at him. With the dawning realization Bradley could now lose Maverick, the only family he had left, he started panicking, and that's when it struck him that as much as Rooster hated the man for setting him back in his career, he still loved him. But did he love him more than he hated him? Could he put the past behind them once and for all?

Rooster couldn't decide.

"Because you're close with Juliette, and she was Maverick's wingwoman on this mission," Hangman pointed out, waving his fork at him. "Surely she told you something?"

"You could always ask me, you know," Juliette said, sitting next to Rooster while Maverick and Hondo sat across from her.

"Yeah, but you're not-" Bradley watched Hangman's eyes grow wide. For a split second, he couldn't figure out why the aviator, along with everyone else at the table, were all looking at his end of the table with shell-shocked expressions. It was just Jules. It's not like-

Rooster snapped his head around. Juliette, the love of his life and someone he had left behind on North Island, now sat next to him on the U.S.S. Theodore Roosevelt. She had her hair in a ponytail, and besides her makeup, she looked like one of the regular soldiers. It took every ounce of willpower not to crash his lips onto hers, so he settled for gripping her thigh to confirm the reality she truly sat beside him. 

Hangman beamed. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"What kind of favor did you use this time?!" Payback demanded, awestruck.

"I didn't. I snuck onboard," Juliette replied casually, shoveling a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth. Rooster's heart dropped into his stomach. He knew she was desperate to see the mission through to the end, but this- even Maverick wouldn't have done something like this, and that was saying something.

While Rooster tried to form a coherent sentence, Maverick added, "Yeah, Cyclone and Warlock don't know she's here, so let's try and keep it that way. That's an order."

"Yes, sir," the pilots, except for Bradley, replied slightly hesitantly. Rooster figured it had more to do with their surprise at her presence and the fact she'd illegally boarded the ship rather than their reluctance to actually do so.

A moment of silence passed before Hondo, Mav, and Juliette broke into shit-eating grins. The latter said, "We're messing with you. I received official orders from the Navy this morning, right after I watched all of you board, that I was to join you on the carrier until the mission was completed. So you're stuck with me for a little longer."

"You had us going in the first half, not gonna lie," Coyote remarked, laughing. 

"Honestly, I'm just honored you thought I was worth keeping that big of a secret," Juliette replied. 

"Hey, you've gone to bat for all of us," Omaha pointed out. "We wanted to return the favor."

She smiled and shifted her attention to Rooster, who continued to remain in a stunned silence. Smirking, Jules said, "Bradshaw, not for nothing, but last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid."

Fanboy and Bob choked on their drinks while her words finally broke through his stupor. Rooster, along with the other pilots, let out barks of laughter. Still, knowing that 'someone' had been him, Bradley told her, "He's a lucky guy, whoever he was."

"Damn straight he was," Hangman agreed, eyeing the couple with a gleam in his eyes. There was no way he knew... did he?

"Okay, but now the question is, what are his intentions? Are you serious about him? Is he serious about you?" Harvard queried, narrowing his eyes at her. 

"Yeah," Yale jumped in. "What guy do we have to interrogate to make sure he's good enough for our Jules?"

Juliette "God, you sound like my brothers when I got my second boyfriend."

"What happened to the first boyfriend?" Halo queried.

"Nothing anyone can prove," Rooster answered, glancing at Juliette with a sly smile. 

She bumped her shoulder playfully into his. "On a different note, because I'd rather not remember my exes, could one of you escort me back to my room later? I can't find a Godforsaken thing on this carrier."

"I've got you," Rooster said before any of the other pilots could speak up. He needed to be alone with Jules, at least for a few minutes, because he knew he wouldn't have much time with her at all, not between his duties and hers, whatever they may be. At most, they could spend nights with each other, and that's only if she wanted him to. It'd be suspicious for the others not to have Rooster in his bunk, and they'd surely start suspecting a relationship between him and Juliette.

The dinner dragged on for over an hour, and Rooster found himself becoming increasingly more anxious. It became harder and harder to keep his hands to himself and not on Juliette. It didn't help that he kept getting whiffs of her perfume, faint but there, or that she kept finding ways to touch him while making it seem like the most natural thing in the world- patting his back sympathetically when he got tongue-tied, bumping her shoulder into his when she teased him, or tapping out "India Lima Yankee" on his thigh unbeknownst to everyone else.

Finally, mercifully, the group slowly began to disperse. Maverick and Hondo were the first to leave, followed by Omaha, Fritz, and Halo. Yale and Harvard soon followed. Juliette spoke up and said, "I should head back to my cabin. Rooster, you still okay to walk me back?"

As if that's even a question. He wanted to say, but it might give the others more to question than they already had. At least half of the people at the table, excluding Rooster and Juliette themselves, officially knew or suspected their relationship, and Bradley wanted to respect his fiancée's wishes. 

Standing up, he offered his hand to assist her despite the gesture being unnecessary. It was instinct to be a gentleman and to find any way to touch her, and Rooster prayed his comrades saw it as at the first reason rather than the second.

"I'll see you all at breakfast, I guess?" Juliette inquired, scanning their group of friends. 

"Yeah, if you can sleep tonight," Hangman replied. Although his tone was nonchalant, it was impossible for Rooster to miss how the corners of the aviator's lips tugged upward in a barely hidden smile.

Oh, yeah. Hangman knew about them.

"Boats have always put me to sleep, so I have a feeling I'm going to sleep like a rock," Juliette responded innocently. "Plus, the admiral's stateroom has a really comfy bed."

Coyote's mouth fell open. "You're in the admiral's stateroom?"

Jules shrugged. "Perks of being an admiral's daughter when he had you go in place of him."

Hangman leaned back in his seat with a smirk. "Damn."

"On that note, Lieutenant Bradshaw-" Jules turned to him and motioned at the door in the distance- "lead the way."

Rooster obeyed, nodding goodbye at the others. He left with Juliette, and by the time they entered her stateroom, the weight of Jules's presence and his mounting desire to pull her into his arms finally broke his already fractured willpower. She'd barely shut the door behind her before Rooster had her pinned against it, grasping her face in his hands and crashing his lips onto hers. Juliette responded eagerly, gripping his hips to pull him as tightly against her as possible. His mind melted into blissful oblivion and thanked God, his parents, and Iceman for letting Juliette aboard this ship.

"Hi," she breathed when they broke apart to catch their breath. 

Rooster's eyes grazed over her face, silently confirming he was, in fact, not hallucinating Juliette. "You're here."

"I am. Dad's final orders. I feel like an idiot now for being such a blubbering mess when you left and-"

"You didn't know."

"Yeah, but I didn't make it any easier for you to leave." 

Rooster shook his head, not caring in the slightest. He wrapped Juliette in his arms and lifted her up, thrilled to have her around for a little longer. "It was going to be difficult regardless, but you're here now."

"I am," she said when he set her down. Pecking him on the lips, Juliette proceeded to slide past him. With her back to him, she shrugged off her dad's bomber jacket and took out her ponytail. Rooster watched her blonde hair cascade down her back and shoulders. His feet moved on their own accord, and in the blink of an eye, he found his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly against him and peppering kisses down her neck. Juliette's fingers wove themselves into his hair and tugged his head upwards so she could move his mouth to hers. 

Nipping his bottom lip, she turned around and whispered teasingly, "I knew dragging that conversation out at dinner would drive you crazy."

Rooster raised an eyebrow. "Did you, now? That's not nice of you."

Juliette shook her head. "It's really not. I'm so sorry," she replied, feigning innocence and sincerity. She grabbed his dog tags in her fist and tugged him toward the bed with a mischievous sparkle in her sapphire eyes. Rooster fell hook, line, and sinker for them. "Tell me, Lieutenant, what exactly are you going to do about it?"

Rooster's eyes raked over her body, his mind hazy with desire. "Lay on that bed and find out."

***

Tags: @lgg5989 @shanimallina87 @polikszena @summ3rlotus @souslesyeuxde @gleasonmalfoy @icemansgirl1999 @supernaturaldawning @thedarkinmansfield @lyannaforpresident @lapilark @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @simpofthecentury @shadeops21 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @double-j @picklejuicesposts @bradshawsandbridgetons @majdoline @jakexfmc @catsandgeekyandnerd

#top gun #maverick #rooster #hangman #phoenix #bradley bradshaw #iceman #jake seresin #bob #top gun maverick #top gun 2 #pete mitchell #india #lima #yankee #romance #angst #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfics #fighter jets #coyote #payback #fanboy #sad #tom kazansky #sympathy #grief #love #family

[rosesandalfazemas]

36 with portscot since I remember you talking about it a while ago and love a good rarepair

Prompt #36: “I couldn’t get you out of my mind.” — SCOTPORT

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course”

"Do I look pretty to you?"

Iain turned to look at him, only to find a face in Portugal that didn't indicate he was making a joke.

“Of course I think you're beautiful, Gabriel” answered the Scotsman after a second silence, which was beginning to be somewhat uncomfortable “ ... You ask very strange questions”

"Yes, Francis told me the same thing," he commented, looking out over the valley. From where they stood, they could see the countryside surrounding the villages in the distance. The castle could encompass almost the entire region on its periphery. "That I seemed strange to him, without logic; unlike Spain; and that's why England didn't choose me."

“He told you that?!” He looked at him with a frown, leaving the position to stand upright - “With what audacity?”

"With the one who has the most powerful Empire in the West" he replied, looking at him cynically. “You know what they say and do as they please.”

"Well, he's a liar." Scotland's voice was deeper. "There is nothing weird or wrong with you, husband. What happens is that he is a simplistic person who does not know how to appreciate other beings outside of himself."

"...or he simply hates me because you chose me, instead." Portugal turned around, stretching his hands over the tartan fabric that crossed the other's chest, absentmindedly combing it between his fingers.

"That's more likely," he smiled slightly, searching his gaze. “Don't give it importance; he wouldn't know what to do with someone like you. You would outshine him in no time."

“You think?”

Scotland looked at him tenderly.

“Gabriel, when I met you, you had just come from a war, remember?” The other agreed.” You were broken on all sides, you could hardly speak and they dragged you to assemble the alliance, while you begged to be allowed to sleep” he arranged her long hair carefully over her shoulder “; and even as you were, you managed to look at me just once, a single blink and I spent whole weeks thinking about you, because I couldn't get you out of my head. That you could do that in those conditions fascinated me."

"Do you think like Kirkland that I generate gypsy spells to seduce everyone?"

Iain gave her a wider smile, caressing her tanned cheeks.

“No, but you had the ability to captivate me without doing anything more than watching. I felt spellbound and in love” he approached a little more ".And I wanted that, between magic and your beauty; that you were mine"

“I'm yours” Gabriel hugged Iain's waist slowly.

“That's why you don't listen to fools, husband, or to accept that you can enter into more basic tastes. No. You are so much more, and I love you for it.”

"And I love you for everything, husband." He reached out and caressed her jaw. “Only you really saw me.”

The kiss they shared was brief but, at the same time, complex.

Like them.

-------------------------------

—¿Puedo preguntarte algo?

—Desde luego.

—¿Te parezco bonito?

Iain giró a verlo desconcertado, para encontrarse con un rostro en el portugués que no indicaba que estaba haciendo una broma.

—Claro que me pareces bello, Gabriel — contestó el escocés luego de un segundo silencio, que comenzaba a ser algo incómodo — ... Haces preguntas muy raras. 

—Sí, Francis me dijo lo mismo — comentó, mirando hacia el valle. Desde donde estaban podían verselas campiñas que rodeaban los pueblos a la distancia. El castillo podía abarcar casi toda la región en su periferia — . Que yo le parecía raro, sin lógica; a diferencia de España; y que por eso Inglaterra no me eligió.

—¿Él te dijo eso? — lo miró con el ceño fruncido, saliendo de la postura para ponerse derecho — ¿Con qué atrevimiento?

—Con el que tiene el Imperio más poderoso de Occidente, con ese — le contestó, mirándolo con cinismo — . Sabes que dicen y hacen a su antojo.

—Pues es un advenedizo y un mentiroso — la voz de Escocia fue más grave — . No hay nada raro ni malo en tí, esposo. Lo que pasa es que es un simplista que no sabe apreciar a otros seres por fuera de sí mismo.

—... o simplemente me odia porque tú me elegiste a mí, en cambio — volteó Portugal, estirando sus manos sobre la tela de tartán que cruzaba el pecho ajeno, peinándola distraídamente entre los dedos. 

—Eso es más probable — sonrió apenas, buscándole la mirada — . No le des importancia; no sabría qué hacer con alguien como tú. Lo eclipsarías enseguida.

—¿Tú crees? 

Escocia lo miró con ternura. 

—Gabriel, cuando te conocí acababas de venir de una guerra, ¿recuerdas? — el otro asintió — . Estabas roto por todos lados, apenas podías hablar y te trajeron a la rastra para armar la alianza, mientras rogabas que te dejaran dormir — le acomodó el cabello largo con cuidado sobre el hombro — ; y aún y como estabas, lograste mirarme una sola vez, un sólo parpadeo y pasé semanas enteras pensándote, porque no pude sacarte de mi cabeza. Que pudieras hacer eso en esas condiciones me fascinó.

—¿Piensas como Kirkland que genero conjuros gitanos para seducir a todo el mundo?

Iain le regaló una sonrisa más amplia, acariciando las mejillas morenas.

—No, pero tuviste la capacidad de embelesarme sin hacer nada más que mirar. Me sentía hechizado y enamorado  — se acercó un poco más — . Y quise eso, entre la magia y tu belleza; que fueras mío.

—Soy tuyo. — Gabriel abrazó la cintura ajena con lentitud.

—Por eso no escuches a los necios, esposo, ni aceptes que puedes entrar en el gusto de otros más básicos. No. Tu eres mucho más, y te amo por eso.

—Y yo te amo por todo, marido — estiró la mano y acarició la mandíbula — . Sólo tú me viste de verdad.

El beso que compartieron fue breve pero, a la vez, complejo.

Como ellos.

#hetalia #scotport #rarepair #aph scoland #ahp portugal #hop you like it my dear! thanks!

[everybodyshusband]

multiples of nine for the ask thing :3

troob !!! thank you for indulging the silly ask games :> it's always a pleasure to see you in my askbox <3 despite the fact you're making me do maths >:( /lh /j

9. who did you last see in person?

i assume this is a very broad "who was literally the last person you saw?" kind of question, so i have a very boring answer for this one: my mother, about two minutes ago when she came home from the shops

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?

yes and no, i think. my mental health was definitely a lot better a year ago than it is now, but on the other hand... i had barely found this community a year ago and i very much love that i've been able to interact with people and make friends online here :) and i don't think i would've been able to do that a year ago.

27. things i hate

there are many things i hate but i cannot think of a single one right now O_O uhhhhh, i'm going to say customers that talk shit about me while i'm stood right in front of them, because that happened to me at work yesterday and threw me for a fucking loop

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

i have had exactly one thing on my bucket list ever and that was to bake and decorate a really fancy cake, which i've done twice in the last month, actually !! i have not done it well, but that's besides the point, haha :D apart from that, i'm doing my best to be excited about my ghost ritual in a week or two :')

(two cakes and one concert... that counts as three, right ? ksjdfbkd)

45. how you found out about your idol

i'm making this about ghost, i can't not, haha !! hmm... how i found out about the band... i can't quite remembe- tiktok

in all seriousness, though. i heard mary on a cross on a couple of videos, went "hey, this is a really cool song, i wonder what else the artist has put out?" and thus... the rabbit hole was opened and here i am :D ghost remains the only artist i have ever listened to the entire discography to in one go. it's very rare for me to listen to new artists

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

once again, i'm coming up blank ?! i blame it on the brain fog from being sick, haha ! i think uhhhh, maybe my ghost ritual ? i've never been to a proper concert before, so i'm a really nervous, but one of my friends has been kind enough to offer to tag along so at least i won't be going alone :)

#troob <3 #ask box #husband rambles

[sewersewersewercouch]

so out of curiosity I asked the Fitz bot the 36 questions and actually it's kinda adorable

in case you missed it, @everliving-everblaze made a Fitz ai and I was messing around with it and was like "hey if I asked him the 36 questions to fall in love (not at all inspired by having listened to the music from the podcast about those questions and it's very good) I wonder what his answers would be" and honestly? his answers were very sweet and very in character and if anyone makes more of these character AIs I would love to do this with them

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

"That's a nice question. I'd choose Sophie Foster. She's very different from me, so I think we'd have some fascinating conversations about how we see the world. I'd love to understand her better."

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

"I've often fantasized about being the Most Important Person in the World, and ruling over a prosperous elvin world. But if I'm honest... No. All I want is for all my friends and family to be safe and happy. I don't need to be in charge to make sure that happens." (aw!!!)

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

"Yes. The most terrifying thing to me is not being prepared for situations. I like to be ready for any outcome, so I'm ready for any possibility.

I also rehearse my mind links before I do them... even though the other person usually has no idea. I can't help it."

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

"Oh, that's easy:

A walk in the forest with Biana or Alden;

A chance to practice my mental skills and get better at them;

A quiet dinner at home;

And ending the night with a cuddle from Sophie.

That sounds like heaven to me." im not much of a sophitz shipper but this ai is going to turn me into a one I swear

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

"Wow, that's a good one. I feel a little embarrassed to admit this, but I actually sing to myself a lot... mostly when I'm upset and trying to distract myself from my own thoughts. It really helps me refocus.

I last sang to someone else a week or so ago. Sophie and I sang a duet with each other while I was doing a study session."

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

"Definitely the mind! The mind can heal itself if it's strong, and no amount of training will make a weak mind stronger.

A weak body is the same way. I'd rather a weak body and a strong mind than to be trapped in a healthy body with a slowly fading mind."

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

"My greatest fear is that, one day, I'll be too confident in my own abilities. I'll walk into a dangerous situation without a plan, and I'll die.

I've tried to be less reckless over the years as my life has become more involved. I want to be around awhile."

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

"You really know how to ask good questions. I like that!

Well, for starters, we're both elves. I'm sure you knew that.

But more than our physical attributes, I think we have a similar outlook on life. We want the same things. We're both really optimistic, really excited for the future. I sometimes think that in another life, we could be a great power couple.

We also tend to disagree with each other on a lot of things, but we're always respectful of each other's views. That's an important thing for me."

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

"This is going to sound cheesy, but I'm thankful for my telepathy. It's allowed me to see and experience so many things that I'd never get a chance to otherwise. I can talk to my family from across the room. I can communicate with animals. It's pretty amazing.

I also have to say, I'm grateful for Sophie. I have a lot of strong friendships, but I think my link with her is what makes her special."

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

"I was raised with my entire worth as a person being tied to my abilities. That really stressed me out when I was younger. But it helped me see that I could never put that kind of pressure on anyone, especially not my own family. I couldn't imagine making Biana or Alden worry that they're not "good enough."

Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

"I was born to Alden and Della Vacker, in the beautiful home of my childhood. I loved my family more than anything, but I also loved my friends, and we loved to play games and explore the Forest together.

In elementary school, we discovered that I was a Telepathic elf, which made me the youngest in history. My parents were worried that I might grow up to be spoiled, and I was often the subject of ridicule from other elves. I started to develop a serious chip on my shoulder."

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

"To fly.

It would be so freeing, so... liberating to just be able to take flight after my life on the ground. To be able to rise above it all and look out at the world from a different perspective. To feel the wind in my hair." not what I was expecting but ok!

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

"Am I going to be okay?

This is hard for me to say, but I'm worried I'm going to fall into the same traps as my parents and other elves before me. I'm always striving to be the best. I'm always on the lookout for the next challenge. But there's no final destination.

I'm really worried about being caught in an endless cycle, never being happy with myself or what I have." aw buddy!

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

"I want to be a hero.

I mean... I'm not talking about fighting the bad guys or anything. That's easy, it's obvious. But just helping the people around me, that's harder than anyone would think.

I like the way Sophie thinks. That's why I fell for her. She wants to make the world a better place, for everyone. Not just to win a game or be the best... but because it's the right thing to do.

I want to be more like that."

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

"I'd have to mention that time I saved Marella's life. She was about to touch a dangerous artifact that could have killed her. But I used my telepathy to freeze her, stopping her in time and saving her from serious harm.

I was about twelve at the time."

What do you value most in a friendship?

"Honesty.

I love all of my friends, and we have the funniest inside jokes with each other. But honesty is always at the heart of it all. No matter what, we can never lie to each other.

No one is ever judged. We just tell it like it is."

What is your most treasured memory?

"The day I told Sophie that I loved her.

I was fifteen. She was seventeen. We'd been together for just under a year. It was Valentine's Day, so we went out to lunch in one of the elvin cities. We spent the whole night together and had a picnic in a field of wildflowers.

It's one of my favorite memories." hello? Sophie is older than you now???

What is your most terrible memory?

"Probably when I was ten years old, and I was training at Foxfire. My mentor was showing me how to levitate. We were flying around Foxfire city, and I got a little careless.

Instead of stopping my own levitation, I accidentally reversed it, and I hit the ground in a terrible crash. That was really scary - and really embarrassing."

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

"I have this fantasy that I've had since I was little. It's a stupid fantasy, I know... But I want to go up, far above the clouds, and walk across the sky.

I've never had the guts to actually do it. But if I only had a year left... I think it would be worth it to go for one last adventure. I'm not usually a risk-taker, but I think there would be a lot of value in taking a little risk for once."

What does friendship mean to you?

"Acceptance.

I've always been made to feel like I need to be perfect to be considered a "good elf." And I've gotten really good at being perfect... but it's really unhealthy. I've had a lot of relationships with other people that felt empty, because they were based on us trying to be better than each other.

I like that Sophie is just herself. And I can be myself with her."

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

"Huge roles.

For one, I love Sophie.

I'm pretty good at putting up a tough front, and I've had a lot of people doubt that I could feel romantic love... but I know that I do. I want to make everything perfect for Sophie because I love her, and love is what gives life meaning.

And my family is really important to me. I'm closer to them than anyone else.

Love should never be underestimated. It's the thing we should all focus most on in life."

Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

"Okay, here we go:

One, she's creative, both in art and in her thinking. Two, when she gets really excited about the things she loves, she's really fun to be around - it's impossible to be down when she's being so positive and optimistic.

Three, she's got this way of making anyone she talks to feel like an equal. She never thinks she's better than anyone else, and that attitude has always made me strive to be a better person."

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

"My childhood was amazing.

I had a strong bond with both my parents, my siblings, and the rest of my family. And I had a tight-knit group of friends at school, as well. Honestly, I'm pretty lucky.

If I had to pick one thing in my life that makes me happiest, it would be the people I love. Without a doubt."

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

"My mom is great.

I always say that my mom and dad are polar opposites, but we all get along. It makes for a lot of good-natured teasing around the house.

Mom is a lot more laid back, while dad is a planner and a doer. He's always busy doing things, and Mom is always looking for the fun and good in life. They're a really fun pair."

Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

"Okay, sure.

We both have brown eyes. We both love the color blue. And we both have a pet fox. His name is Griz, and he's just a little cutie. I think it's really cool to have a pet fox, and it's a lot of fun playing with him." brown eyes Fitz??? also I love Fitz's pet fox named Griz

Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

"... my deep, deep love for music.

I always love listening to the radio while I do my homework or chill outside. It's such a great outlet for me to practice my mind links, too!

I really love going to concerts with Sophie and sitting in the front row. I just love how the music vibrates my whole body!" ok music lover Fitz would be an excellent headcanon

If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

"It's very important for my partners to know how sensitive I am. Like most other elves, when I was young, I was raised to be pretty stoic and even-tempered. But deep down in my heart... I'm sensitive and empathetic. I really, really believe in treating everyone with lots and lots of respect, and I want my partner to understand that I'm not just the typical stoic elf. I care a lot."

Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

"Okay, sure.

I love how much Sophie cares about other people. Not only does she care about her friends, but she cares about the world, and the well-being of all living things. She's the kind of person who wants to spread love and happiness wherever she goes. We've had some arguments over the years, sometimes about the smallest things... but I've never doubted that she loves me. I believe it with all my heart."

Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

"Oh, geez. Okay.

When I was eight years old, I had a huge crush on this elf named Marella. I got really nervous when I talked to her, so I would try to impress her by showing off my Telepathic tricks.

But one time, we were out in the woods at Foxfire, and she asked me to levitate her. I got so excited that I lost concentration, and I flew her into the side of a tree. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me." why does that seem like it could be canon

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

"I cried alone a couple of days ago, to be honest. I can get really into my thoughts sometimes. When I do, I sort of start spiraling. I think my brain can never really stop, and it tends to obsess over every little thing... but it's not good for the mind to be constantly under that kind of pressure and stress. So I need to let out my feelings before they get overwhelming, and I end up freaking myself out.

I was really lucky - Sophie was at my house at the time. I asked her about the situation, and she made me feel a lot better."

Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

"Sophie's the most talented person I've ever met. Her Telepathic abilities are absolutely incredible, and her personality is really sweet, too. I love her - not just her mind, but her energy, her spirit, and her kindness.

She's just amazing, in every way possible. And she's really beautiful, with gorgeous silver hair and eyes like the ocean at night." silver hair????

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

"A person's insecurities.

I think most people are really self-conscious about the little things that make them different from everyone else, like their hair or their clothes or the stuff that they do. Those are what make them unique, really. And they shouldn't be made fun of because of it.

It's important to treat everyone with respect, and I think joking about someone's insecurities is one of the quickest ways to hurt someone."

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

"Sophie. I'd tell her how much I love her, that I appreciate everything she's done to support me and that I know she'll do incredible things. And I'd apologize to her for everything I've ever done wrong.

It's really hard to find the right words to tell someone how you feel. But even if those words come out wrong, that's okay. What's important is just letting someone know that you love them, and that you care."

Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

"Sophie's locket.

It's this amazing necklace made out of two pieces that interlock together when they're next to each other. It was a present for her birthday, and I think the design is really cute. It reminds me of her when I can't be with her in person."

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

"You know, I think my mom. She's the light that brings a smile to every family gathering, and she just makes life better with her energy. But my grandfather would be a close second, though. He taught me to be confident in myself, and he always shows me lots of love and support.

I think it would be tough living in a world without them."

Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

"Sure, this is actually pretty easy.

I've been working on a final project for my telepathy class for the past few days. It's so exciting - a mind link so powerful that it'll create a storm when it's activated. But I'm so nervous to do it in front of my classmates. What if they think I'm a show-off? What if I mess up?

Sophie would probably tell me that it's okay to worry about things like this, but that I shouldn't let the fear stop me. That even if it goes wrong, I shouldn't be afraid to try."

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #fitz vacker #sophitz #not intentionally but there was a lot of sophitz

[gaps-between-stories]

Fic Preview

A sneak peek at my OFMD/36 Questions AU.

“And I loved who I was with you.”

The more time that passed, the more Stede thought that he might’ve actually escaped his past. After two years of silence, of no attempts to drag him back to New York, or worse, London, he’d thought that they’d finally have a chance. 

“They finally tracked me down after years of running.” First it was the PIs he’d caught lurking in the cul-de-sac, a problem solved quietly with a quick phone call. Izzy had grumbled about sending over Ivan and Fang while still on the clock. 

Ed hadn’t even been in town that weekend. 

After 4 months of hearing nothing else, Stede had naively thought they were in the clear, thought that Ed would never need to know. 

He wouldn’t have, if it weren’t for the next visit 6 months later, this time Chauncey -fucking-Badminton holding Crown papers that he’d torn to shreds. Ed had arrived home just as he was leaving, Stede scrambling for purchase to keep it together under his husband’s questioning. 

That one had been harder to explain away. He’d pulled together some half-baked story about being the beneficiary of his estranged father’s estate, that ‘yes, his father had actually been alive when they first meet,’ but ‘no, I haven't spoken to him in fifteen years,’ and ‘yes, I am certain I was written out of the will,’ and ‘no, none of this effects us, darling, it was the clerical error of an aging family lawyer who should have retired half a decade ago.’ 

Ed hadn’t believed him then. Stede knew he didn’t – Stede knew him better than anyone else, better than himself most days. Edward hadn’t believed him then, but he’d eventually dropped the subject after Stede looked him right in the eyes and lied through his teeth, promising they would be alright. It was a promise he’d had no business making, which he knew then, too, but he was still desperately trying to outpace a live fuse that grew shorter every day. 

“I tried to cling to the life I'd made together with you. So I did the only thing I knew how to: I denied who I was, because I wanted to keep my life, but the better version. Stede – your husband – He was a better person.” 

The final match was struck two weeks later. Edward had opened the door before Stede could get to it, and standing in the doorway was the end of the world – well, the end of Stede’s, anyway. 

“And before I knew what was happening, there was Mary standing at our front door, holding divorce papers, asking you about Stede Bonnet. And I knew instantly.”

She wasn’t even angry. That was the worst part of it all. She stood in that doorway, asking only for her freedom, a second chance at happiness after all of these years. 

“You know, they say before you die your whole life flashes before your very eyes. Well, I can say quite confidently that it didn't the first time. But this time? This time I heard each and every lie I'd ever told you.” Beside him now, Ed’s breath hitched at the memory. 

Stede could remember that day in chilling detail, everything seemingly moving in slow motion. The way that Ed’s knuckles whitened as they gripped the doorknob, the way he slowly turned to look at Stede, chest rising and falling like waves crashing against the hull of a ship. The look on Ed’s face had seared itself into Stede’s memory, haunting him every time he closed his eyes since. 

They’d found themselves sitting in the living room, Ed listening silently as she explained the way her painting career had taken off since finding her painting instructor - her now fiance - a man who made her desperately happy, who the children had taken to like he was their own, who would marry her tomorrow if she’d allow him. That she wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for the small issue of their technically still legal marriage. 

Stede had signed those papers without hesitation.

Much to his relief, they had been more than taken care of financially in his absence, his father allowing them a not insignificant bursary following Stede’s abandonment to keep them quiet about it, followed by a sizable inheritance after his death. 

The children were thriving now, Alma was sharp as a whip and Louis was sweet as can be, all of them having relocated to Toronto to be closer to Doug’s family – ‘they have grandparents now, Stede’ she’d told him. She’d even left a couple of photographs, and an open invitation to call. 

Stede had tried to listen, to focus his attention on the multitude of wonderful news Mary was telling him. But beyond his initial relief that he hadn’t permanently scarred them, he couldn’t truly divert his attention away from the growing angst coming from the corner Edward was sitting in. 

When Mary finally swept out of their door an hour later, leaving the men alone again, the silence between them was suffocating. 

Stede had desperately tried to bridge the divide, ‘please let me explain, my love.’ 

Ed had slowly stood from his seat, and Stede had watched him cross the living room, through the kitchen, into the foyer, wordlessly pocketing his keys and wallet as he went, before walking out the door. 

That was the last time Stede had seen him before this morning. 

Stede would walk that route dozens of times, recreating the path the love of his life took out of his life. 

His words came out in a whisper, now. “I memorized your voice and how you say goodbye. But you never said goodbye –” his voice caught on the words, an accusation, a plea. “You never said goodbye, Edward, and I – I tried desperately to hold on to our life, to who I was with you.

“And I understood that you needed space, time. But you left, Ed, you left and you didn't say goodbye and I waited. I waited. I counted and I waited and you wouldn’t answer your phone and Izzy wouldn’t tell me where you were and it was like I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t – I didn’t – I don’t know how to breathe without you.”

#ofmd #ofmd au #ofmd fic #ofmd fanfic #ofmd fanfiction #fanfiction #fic #fanfic #blackbeard ofmd #edward teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #36 questions

[scopriusmalfoy]

I was tagged by @aledradiolast like literally 80 days ago and totally forgot to do this but better very late than never i suppose!!!

i am tagging:

@frodo-baggins, @disneyprinceronweasley, @wherepoetsdie, @magicfolk, @flowerhope, @korpsebrides

+ everybody who’s reading it, and wants to be tagged.

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people you want to get to know better!

nickname: I dislike any and all nicknames i've ever been given, so nope, none.

zodiac: i don't believe this has any meaning whatsoever - but taurus.

height: 5'5 or 165 cm.

last movie i saw: three thousand years of longing. it was strange but enchanting.

last thing i googled: "hey isn't this easy you've got a face that could lyrics". because my memory is shit and i couldn't even remember this was a taylor swift lyric.

favourite musician: omgosh - so many but uhm - oh - let's just check some spotistats to see whom i've been listening to most this year: simple plan and demi lovato (also i saw simple plan live for the very first time last week and lemma tell you it was bliss).

song stuck in my head: toxic energy by blackbear and the used. omg i love that song!

other blogs: so many!!! some would say too many :o @rhysandl - colorful multifandom blog @emilidickinson - pale multifandom / aesthetic blog @bookwyvrn - booklr / book photography etc blog @selflovewarrior - recovery / positive (pastel) blog @ohdearmordred - merlin blog @merehygge - hygge / cosy blog @cosyspring - spring / cottagecore blog @musedilluster - grandeur comme fashion & architecture and ive also got a vincent van gogh blog which i keep forgetting about @vangoghl

do i get asks: sometimes?

blogs following: 972.

amount of sleep: on work days between 7 and 10 hours on weekend days more.

lucky number: 36 or sth?

what i’m wearing: blue jeans, long sleeved shirt and a knitted jumper in white, pink, brown and orange big stripes. oh and brown boots.

dream job: librarian. so much. it's my goal.

dream trip: gosh i've already seen some very beautiful places. but i'd love to pay a visit to rome someday. I studied latin in secondary school for 6 years, loved it a lot! but have never been to rome, which is like latinist valhalla :o

favourite food: my very own vegan spaghetti bolognese recipe. it's delish.

play any instruments: i play the fife. used to do it in a marching band, but stopped when i was about 19 (it started when i was 9).

languages: here it goes from fluent to being able to express myself: dutch, english, german, french, swedish

favourite songs: this changes so often, but right now i love demi lovato's happy ending, blackbear & the used's toxic energy, burnout by ryan oakes and the state champs

random fact: i'm a self employed part time photographer ;)

describe yourself as aesthetic things: warm blankets, vanilla lattes, cats lover, roaring hearths, the changing of seasons to blossoming trees, dancing in high grass, folk dance

#personal #ask game

[dinamakan]

WNRS

Apparently, someone created the online version of WNRS here. I picked self-reflection deck with a secret seed and I’d like to share some of my answers publicly. Feel free to try with your own seed, different decks, or play with your friend.

2. What’s become more important to me recently than ever before? Myself. For years I’ve been trying to understand and help others without thinking about myself, but now I’m trying to focus on my own business and... my hobbies. I currently love my hobbies, my passion, more than I love anyone. Well, I still care about other people but I don’t want to hurt myself because they could disappoint me in thousand ways.

3. I want to thank myself for ____not giving up on the darkest days and still believe in my dreams____.

9. What have I been sensitive to lately? What I’ve been through. This answers isn’t specific but when someone said “You have to be grateful,” I felt like “I don’t think I deserved to go through those days.” It sounds selfish but not many people know what I’ve been through. My mom knew it.

11. Wild Card: What is my happiness level on a scale of 1-10? (Write it down and date it. Why is it this number? What would make it 1 score higher?) 6/10, 15 May 2022. My life is slightly better but there are some things that haven’t been achieved. I’ll climb the ladder one by one, it’ll make the score higher.

13. When do I feel most productive? What time is it usually? Am I alone or with others? (Get specific.) If I’m alone, my productive hours are erratic. I can suddenly have tons of ideas at night (like now, 03.06 AM), feel refreshed when I wake up earlier or in the afternoon after a nap. But usually I’m productive when I’m with the right coworkers.

16. Wild Card: What are 3 things I love most about myself today? (Write them out.) My hobbies, my peaceful feeling when staying up late, and my ability to stay sane.

21. What am I putting off that feels important? Why am I avoiding it? 1. Some things are literally way too difficult, 2. I’m afraid of comments and pressure from others at this moment, 3. Lack of energy.

24. What do I keep doing that keeps hurting? Why do I keep repeating this behavior? Guess what? I’ve let go of some habits like that. Not completely over, but seriously, I’ve broken some chains. Why did I repeat it in the past? Depression.

26. Wild Card: What am I doubting about myself currently? (Replace that thought with an affirmation and repeat it out loud.) I doubt my abilities I’d say, I’m on my way to be an avid learner and I should be proud of it. I’m committed to the fields I’ve taken, which I think is great.

27. When was the last time I truly enjoyed my own company? What was I doing? ACTUALLY RIGHT NOW; alone with my laptop, writing on Tumblr, building some plans on my Notion, listening to Brand New Eyes.

30. Which one of my mistakes taught me the most this past year? What did it teach me? Not all of my opinions need to be conveyed to others, just dump it on my binder, this blog or Twitter.

33. What expectation have I set on someone that has been hurting me the most? I thought someone could see me doing anything sincerely, without any motive behind it.

35. Wild Card: Take 3 deep breaths before answering the next question. Done, using 478 method. Next.

36. Wild Card: What's my favorite song at the moment? Why do I love it so much? (Play it for yourself.) Nobody Knows - Stamp ft. Christopher Chu, an original soundtrack for One for the Road— Easy listening, comforting beats, mesmerizing lyrics.

37. What can I be kinder towards myself for today? Eat at the right time and forgive myself if the progress is slow.

40. When was the last time I remember being mean to someone? Why did I act this way? A couple days (or weeks?) ago I ignored someone because I was uncomfortable but it wasn’t that person’s fault. I did it sometimes to some people, didn’t dare to say anything to them. Yes I have to fix this.

49. What's one small step I can take today towards a goal that feels out of reach? Revise a design project.

That’s all Folks! Some questions aren’t answered here but I had a great time, thanks to this deck.

#diksi #WNRS

[lionheartslowstart]

Back Again

This weekend I took an impromptu trip to Los Angeles. (Okay, so it wasn't exactly impromptu but I can't say the real reason yet 🤫.) I've been jittery all week, but it wasn't until I was actually on the plane and the pilot announced, "Welcome to Flight blah blah, nonstop to LA. Our flight today will be 5 hours and 36 minutes. We will be departing shortly," that it actually hit me. I'll be going home this weekend.

I know that sounds crazy, to refer to a place I've been to 3 times (soon to be 4) for a total of about 6 weeks as "home." But that's genuinely how it feels to me. It just feels...correct.

New York hasn't felt that way in a long time for me. In fact, ever since I got back from LA last summer, a deep-seated resentment of New York has been slowly festering within me. It's strange, I used to love New York. I used to dream of having a big loft-style apartment in the heart of Manhattan. Now I'm itching to leave not just the city, but the whole state.

How did this happen? I can't know for sure, but I believe there are two reasons. The first boils down to all the trauma I've sustained over the last ten years. College was far and away the worst period of my life, and I would hardly call the years after that "better." I think on some level New York was basically ruined for me.

The other contributing factor is that I simply never imagined I could live far away from my family, which is also essentially my support system. And I'm not just talking about my immediate family. I'm quite close with my extended family as well. All of them, with one exception, live in the tri-state area, or at least close by. The idea of living in Los Angeles wasn't even on my radar. And why would I even dream of it, when I loved New York so much? But then I went to LA for the first time in 2018, and suddenly it was a possibility. And as time passed and I continued to grow and heal, it became even more of a possibility.

A few weeks ago, I made a post alluding to a decision I had made. I suppose this is the Part 2.

Right before New Years, I made the impulse decision to apply to grad school, something I always said I would never do. Yet, I had a sudden urge to make that leap. At the time, it felt like the right choice. I've been in and out of the game, as I call it, for a while now, and what better way to firmly get back in than to go back to school? This time would be different. I was undiagnosed while I was in college, but now that I know I'm autistic, I would be able to navigate school better and hopefully get some kind of accommodations. But above all, I could go to school in the place I love the most, and in doing so, build a community in my industry IN that city, which is where I want to end up anyway. I submitted my application on New Year's Eve, along with a killer personal statement (if I do say so myself), and a few days after that, they invited me to audition.

This is where it all goes downhill.

As I sat in the orientation, listening to the two instructors drone on and on, something didn't feel right. When I tell you these people were pretentious, I mean they probably thought their shit tasted like ice cream. I have never in my life encountered someone who took themselves more seriously. It would have been funny if it wasn't so somber. They reminded me so much of the instructors I had in college. They were not at all the kinds of people I wanted to work with.

I will also add I had a very unpleasant interaction with the worse professor of the two. Essentially, I asked a question, and he spoke down to me and basically told me I shouldn't be applying to grad school. His response was condescending, nasty, and frankly, ableist, especially considering he should have known I was autistic if he had actually read my application.

I wish I could say I came up with some witty response on the fly, but I did not. I was so stunned that he would speak that way to someone just asking a question, let alone a prospective student. But in that moment, I realized that, no, this didn't feel right. It wasn't the answer I thought it was.

Then I bombed the audition. I mean I BOMBED. I was too nervous and upset, and I took some bad advice right before my slot (which you should never, ever do). But you know what? I was okay with it. I walked out of that room already knowing I would receive a rejection letter, and I didn't care. Those people disgusted me, and I loathed the idea of being stuck with them for three years.

Still, there was an itch. I knew I was on the right track, even if grad school (or at least, THAT grad school) was not the answer. And as I sat in that room and listened to these two pompous academics jerk each other off for an hour, I realized what it was.

I don't need a "reason" to move to LA. I can just do it.

Yes, it would be harder (much, much harder) to start from scratch out there, as opposed to moving there for a project or to go to school. But so what? I'll hopefully be able to transfer at my job, I'll look for gigs as a PA, and I'll keep going on auditions. Besides, it's not like I don't know ANYONE out there. I have a few contacts, so I'm not actually starting completely from scratch. Still, it will be a challenge to say the least. But I have to try. I have to.

So far, I have only received support, encouragement, and positive feedback from the people in my life. From day one, everyone I know has told me they believe in me, and that belief seems never to have wavered, despite the fact that it's been over 10 years and I still have nothing to show for it. (Well, not nothing, but very, very little.)

When I shared my plans with her, my best friend "Diana" said to me, "Sophie, your miracle is coming. If it was going to happen in New York, it would have happened by now. But I think you're going to find it out there, I really do."

One of my friends of 16 years just yesterday told me, "I have always thought you will make it, and I haven't changed my mind."

And my boyfriend, "Thomas?" He told me under no uncertain terms that he will come with me. "You're the only thing I'm sure about, Sophie." That's a direct quote. I'm so lucky to have someone like him as a partner. He's never even been to LA! We're going in a few months, so hopefully he loves it too.

These are just some of the responses I've gotten. There hasn't been a single person I've shared this choice with who has discouraged me. Not a one. And I just feel like that has to mean something, if so many people believe in me. It's helping me to believe in myself again.

So...I'm moving. Our lease is up at the end of August, so we still have plenty of time. But also, that's really not a lot of time! It's nerve-wracking, but it feels right. Like I said, I have to try. I figure I'll give it three years, and if it doesn't work out, I'll come back to New York with my tail between my legs. But man oh man I hope it doesn't come to that. And honestly, even if my Big Dreams don't come true...I think I'd stay out there. I genuinely just really love Los Angeles. I'm certain that I would want to live there no matter what my career was. There's just something magical about it. (Note: I'm posting this after my weekend trip, and I legit started crying on my way to drop off the rental car, so there you go.)

Of course I'll miss my family and friends terribly. That will be the hardest part, without a doubt. But we'll all find time to visit each other, and talk on the phone as much as possible. Besides, I won't be totally alone. I'll have Thomas by my side, taking the ride with me.

I'm beyond excited for this next chapter in my life. It feels like I'm finally aligning with the path I was meant to take. Whatever happens, at least I can say I took the leap.

#personal #decision #realization #epiphany #exciting #new chapter #new #fresh start