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#i only had her for three episodes and i will burn the galaxy for her
magnusbae · 7 months
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cutest lil meow meow
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~in the galaxy~
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tojiscumdumpster · 4 months
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CHAPTER ELEVEN- TOJI
⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page
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 Life has really been fucking with me these last six weeks. Work’s hell. The apartment we live in went up by four hundred dollars. And to make matters worse, Megumi and I have been rockier than ever. 
 That’s the thing that’s bothering me the most.
 It’s over simple shit, too. 
 I try my best to be a laid back parent and only go full on dad mode when needed, but I think the kid has taken advantage of that. All I ask is three things from Megumi:
 Don’t get into fights, and if you do, don’t get caught. 
 School night curfew is eight. Weekends are eleven.
 And lastly, tell me your whereabouts.
 But what does he do instead? Miss curfew. Leave the house without telling me where he’s going, and now he’s on a two week-suspension from school since he got into a fight. 
 Grant it the fight was justify because some kids were fucking with him and talking shit about his lack of English, but shit, Megumi. 
 At least he won. 
 One side of me was saying that’s my boy, and the other side had to ground him. 
 Let’s just say he wasn’t too happy with me after that. 
 I’m surprised he actually listened to me, though. But with him listening, I’ve been getting the silent treatment, no eating meals together, and been avoided like I’m the plague. 
 Parenting is not a walk in the park, I know that. Especially when you’re a single parent. When times like this hit, I think of my late wife more than ever. 
 With her death anniversary right around the corner, I can’t help but miss her and wish she was by my side. 
 I can’t do this shit alone. I was not raised in a loving environment, and considering the fact that my old man was an abusive drunk that used me as his punching bag, I damn sure don’t know what the fuck it feels like to have a father. 
 A mom? Don’t know either. Old man wasn’t faithful and was sleeping around with different women, so my mom could be dead or alive. Who knows? 
 My late wife knew all of this, not the severity, but she knew I had a shitty family. Yet she managed to see something good in a motherfucker like me, to the point we had a kid together.
 A kid that fucking hates me. And I’m the only one to blame. 
 God, maybe I should listen to Kong for once. I’m forty-two. Shit, maybe it is time to settle down and look for a housewife. Someone who’s willing to help raise a fifteen-year-old boy. 
 No, what the fuck am I saying? Since when do I listen to that fucker?
 Never. I trust him, though. Hell, do I really have a choice since he helped me take care of Megumi when I was going through my episodes in the early years of my wife’s death? 
 But my kid is my responsibility. Getting a woman involved isn’t going to help my relationship with Megumi. That’s some shit I need to fix myself. 
 Kong and I have one unorthodox ass relationship, but he’s the only bastard I actually consider a friend, and I know he means well. 
 He is Megumi’s godfather after all. Besides, the last thing I want to do is to ever make Megumi feel like I’m trying to replace his mom. Far from it. 
 Maybe loneliness is just catching up to my old ass.m, and the only woman I think of breaking me from my no relationship rule is Y/N. 
 Y/N fucking L /N. 
 That woman drives me insane in more ways than one. 
 After our first date over a month ago, we’ve been talking nonstop. Texting. Calling. Casual dates every now and there when time allows us. If I’m being real, Y/N is the only reason why I haven’t ripped my fucking hair out. 
 People would usually turn to alcohol to depend on the burning sensation it gives you to get drunk when feeling stressed. But me? Y/N is who I get drunk off of. Her energy is fucking addicting, and the reassurance she gives me… who know I needed so much of it. 
Like any other man, I don’t turn to anyone to help with my problems. I’m a prideful motherfucker who has the ego the size of a galaxy. However, I don’t have to be the way around Y/N. I sound sappy as shit, I know. 
 Guess that’s what happens when you become vulnerable. 
 The only reason why I haven’t had sex with her yet.
 I know myself. When I was younger, I only saw sex as a way to make extra cash when I was struggling after I got disowned by the Zen’in. The older I got, sex became more meaningless to me. I can be balls deep in pussy, no matter how good it is, and have no type of feelings attached. Me making a woman come or them making me come doesn’t mean I’ll start buying them roses and shit. 
 It wouldn’t be the same with Y/N. 
 Not saying I’m on the verge of falling in love with her, let alone loving her. But seeing how much we talk, how jealous I fucking get, especially after figuring out she works at the same school as her ex-fiancé, I don’t want any other fucker to even breathe the same air as her.
 Not even myself, but I’ll still be selfish enough to do it.
 That’s the thing about Y/N. I feel myself growing more selfish when it comes to her. I want her time and energy to only be for me. She’s mine without her knowing and I’m planning on keeping it that way. I can admit that’s probably a dick move, but I can’t find myself falling in love again. 
At least, I’m forcing myself not to.
 Hearing her moan my name. Seeing her face when she comes. Knowing what it feels to have that sweet, tight, warm fucking pussy clench around my fingers. I’ll become a starved and possessive man the moment she’s like that around my dick. 
 I’ll catch feelings.
 I’ll want her above me, beneath me, all over me twenty-four-seven. I’m not an easy lover. I can admit to that.
 But that won’t stop me from…
 No, I won’t say that.
 It’s strong. Whatever emotion I feel about Y/N, and I can’t help but think it has something to do with her being so damn familiar. The more I talk to her, the more I know who she is. Maybe in another lifetime I’ve loved her before. 
 Even saying that in my head sounds crazy as shit. The dreams about her aren't helping, either.
 “Get a hold of yourself, Fushiguro,” I mutter to myself. I look at the time to see it’s eleven thirty. “She should be on her free hour right now.” 
 Maybe a phone call wouldn’t hurt.
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 “I’m busy,” I grunt.
 I couldn’t even call Y/N before Kong called me to fucking be clingy. He claims he only calls me to check on the kid, but Megumi has his own phone. 
 “Mad because I’m not your girlfriend? Sorry, I had you first, Fushiguro.” I hear him puffing out smoke from his cigarette. “Be grateful you have a fucking friend to check on you, you fucking jackass.”
 I chuckle, sarcastically saying, “Awe, I consider myself very lucky.”
 “Fuck you.”
 “Sorry, not interested,” I replied. And this is what I mean by unorthodox friendship. “Assuming you got some information for me?” After that Zen’in fuck purchased the club ownership last month, I had Kong do some digging for me.
 All the bullshit he was spewing about Naobito forcing everyone in that family who doesn’t have a kid, to have one, and taking interest in finding Megumi, I couldn’t take shit like that lightly.
 Not when my kid is potentially involved.
 Knowing how those Zen’ins’ get down, they always find a way to get what they want. Even if it results in blood.
 “I found some files about that Naoya shitface you told me about… Looks like he’s the real deal,” he says.
 “Meaning?”
 “Meaning he is your cousin. Looks like your old man’s brother had some unwanted kids of his own.”
 “Having kids in the family just to leave them dry is a fucking ritual in that shitty ass family.” I get up from bed and go to the kitchen to grab a ginger ale. “What else you find out?”
 “Zen'in owns half of the real estate in Tokyo,” he tells me, clicking his tongue. “Those bastards keep growing and growing by the minute. So if what this Naoya is saying is true, I can only imagine Naobito is doing this to have the city fear the name Zen’in, even after he’s six feet under.”
 I scoff. “For an ego stroker? So what the fuck does this have to do with my kid?”
 “How the hell am I supposed to know?”
  Over my dead fucking body if they think they could come even twenty feet near Megumi. I have no problem going back to that violent lifestyle that I’m trying to escape when it comes to protecting my kid.
 Actually, I’m hoping that they do because I’ve been itching for a stress relief and permanently getting rid of those Zen’in fucks just might be the way to do it.
 Maybe I should pay them a visit on my trip to Japan in a few months.
 I run my hand through my hair and sigh. “Alright. Keep me posted.” An incoming call comes through and I see Y/N’s name flashing my screen. “Gotta go.”
 “Your girlfriend’s callin-” I disconnected our line before he finished his bullshit to answer Y/N.
 “I’m so close to fucking pulling these braids out and choking my boss with them.” Ha, that’s a funny way to say hello.
 “I’m trying to wrap my head around why hearing you threaten to kill someone is turning me on?” I tease.
 She lets out a soft breath. “I’m sorry, big guy. Work is being a pain in my ass right now.”
 “I see that. You cursed twice. That’s something expected from me.”
 “Well, it’s kind of inevitable when you’re a high school teacher,” she argues. “And actually, no. I expect four curse words in under a minute from you. So I think my two words will be alright.”
 I smile while walking back to my room and close the door behind me. “Talk to me, sweets. What’s going on?”
 “Other than finding out that my name was unknowingly submitted to take part in the state’s teachers summit, nothing really.”
“Is it that bad?” 
 “No. It’s actually a good opportunity to voice your concerns as a teacher to the school board, but quite frankly, I’m tired of going. Only one teacher is selected every year to represent each school in the county and it’s always me.”
 “And what is this summit shit? Why do they need teacher representatives?” I hear her smile through the phone when she explains the summit, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of me cursing already. “Probably this isn’t what you want to hear, but I can see why you’re always chosen. You speak your mind well, and I can see the passion you have when it comes to your students.”
 “Well, yeah, but every teacher should be that way,” she counters. “And the summit this year is four hours away from us, so they made it a weekend convention. A weekend, Toji?” 
 I arch my brow. “And who submitted your name?” Her silence tells me my answer. “You sure this fucker isn’t trying to win you back? Abusing his power as your boss to get you to himself for the weekend seems like a man move I probably would’ve done, too.”
 “You would?” she incredulously asks.
 “When it comes to you? Absolutely. Zero questions asked.” I can almost guarantee the silence from her again is because she’s blushing, something I find fucking adorable about her. “You there, Miss L/N?”
 “Toji, I’m at work,” she answers.
 “Admitting that your mind is in the gutter?”
 “I-uh, no. Just reminding you to get your head out of it.”
 I tip my head back and laugh. “Cute. So when’s the summit?”
 “In three months.”
 “And you can’t pull out?”
 “Unfortunately, no. Unless I can prove that it’s due to a medical or family emergency, I’m out of luck.” No doubt in my mind that her ex pulled this shit intentionally. I mean, I get it. If I lost someone like Y/N as my fiancée, I would be going through hell and back until she was mine again. 
 But too bad for this fucker that isn’t the case anymore, and I don’t tread lightly when it comes to people fucking with what’s mine.
 Mine, that’s exactly what Y/N is.
 “I’m way too hungry for this crap,” she says, pulling me from my possessive musings. 
 “And you didn’t eat because?”
 “Someone kept me up last night on the phone, so I overslept and couldn’t get a decent breakfast before work this morning.” 
 I chuckle, remembering our two a.m. conversations that turned into her masturbating while I was talking her through it. “I’m sure that person is sorry.”
 “Doubt it.”
  I look at the time again to see it’s noon. “What time is your free hour over?” 
 “One. Why?”
 “Grab lunch with me.”
 She playfully hums to consider my last minute invitation. “I guess I can squeeze you in.”
 “Squeeze me in?” I mock her response while laughing. “Appreciate it, Miss L/N.”
 “I’m sure you can find a way to show me your appreciation.”
 I smirk. “Forgot you were at work?”
 “Whatever, Mr. Fushiguro. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there.”
 “Alright, alright. I’ll see you,” is the last thing I say before disconnecting the call.
 Smiling to myself like a fucking lovesick idiot knowing that I’m about to see Y/N has me surprised myself. Like I said earlier, this woman drives me insane.
 And I think I’ll grow to not mind it.
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no discussion question this chapter. but would love to hear your thoughts ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
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butterflydm · 6 months
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The news about Tanchico does confirm that when Rafe said a closer adaptation of TSR, he really meant a close adaptation, because that was definitely the easiest storyline to shift to another city that would appear again later on if he wanted to combine storylines (Perrin's plotline could only happen in the Two Rivers, and Rand's plotline can only happen in the Aiel Waste).
So I think a reread of TSR is in my future, lol, so I can refresh myself on the story beats.
Tanchico means Egeanin, I would guess. Otherwise you'd move their story closer to everyone else's action. So the show likely plans to keep the pressure on re: the Seanchan.
It does make going to White Tower feel even less likely (and I already had the likelihood of it pretty low) because that would be a LOT of ping-ponging for Elayne and Nynaeve, to go from the west coast to the middle of the continent and then back over to the west coast in the space of something like two or three episodes purely dedicated to traveling around. At least for Egwene, the White Tower is kinda 'on the way' to the Waste. The White Tower is definitely NOT on the way to Tanchico from Falme, lol.
The biggest question that I have is how long we'll get before the characters split up into their various plotlines and if any of them come back together again at the end of the season. From what else Rafe said at NYCC, it sounds like they are not dipping very far into TFoH at all, because he talked about focusing on a single book this season. There will definitely be things from books 1-3 in there, because we know Elaida, etc. have been cast and need some kind of introduction, but the main focus will be book 4.
A pretty good chunk of TSR does take place before anyone goes to the Waste, so I wonder how much of that we'll get. I do expect us to get the official final breakup of Rand & Egwene, though I doubt it will be comedic like it is in the books. I feel like they shouldn't rush right into Rand & Elayne afterwards (which is a major reason that I do hope they're planning to reunite Elayne & Nynaeve with Rand's side of the storyline at the end of the season, because that gives some space in between the breakup and then Rand and Elayne having serious emotions about each other), and Rand & Aviendha are built for a slow-burn. Plus I would expect Lan and Nynaeve to get some time together (their only time together in s2 was Nynaeve's vision in the third archway) before they split up (for the rest of the season?).
If Doman is the one who carries Elayne & Nynaeve to Tanchico, then that's the set-up for him to meet Egeanin there. Then Elayne and Nynaeve could potentially take a Sea Folk raker at the end of the season to reunite with Rand's half of the cast? But that really depends on how quickly Rand's side of the story is moving.
I definitely don't remember all the plot beats of Nynaeve & Elayne's side of TSR, so that reread is in order, yeah. But their TFoH plotline of having Nynaeve and Elayne just wandering the continent for most of s4 because Nynaeve can't remember the word 'Salidar' would feel like such a random & pointless sidequest especially since Rand & Elayne and Nynaeve & Lan still need a lot more weight in their romances at this point (and I'm saying that as someone who likes a lot of their circus arc in TFoH).
Even with knowing that they'll be following TSR more closely, I am definitely expecting a lot of surprises in s3. They did a really good job in putting in some elements in this season that I was not expecting but that I really loved (having Mat be the one to give Rand the wound in his side was so galaxy-brained of them; and having Elayne be the one to heal it really tied together her original meeting with Rand into the different way that the show has introduced her).
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ikuzeminna · 11 months
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In my previous post I talked about the women of Gundam Wing not being treated as awards or reasons for man pain for the guys and I’m actually a little surprised that no one so far called me out on Meilan because at first glance, she falls right into that category. Because her death is specifically there to motivate Wufei and do nothing else. No one else knows about her, her death doesn’t affect anyone or anything else.
Except for her grandma who is apparently still so grief-stricken she blows up her entire colony. Thanks for more trauma, Master Long.
But I guess I’m gonna call myself out here then and derail this into a meta about Meilan’s portrayal actually being male-coded. Apparently I’m also gonna make up words while doing so lol
What do I mean? Let’s first clear up what I meant when I said the Wing women aren’t used for man pain. Man pain is quite an umbrella term that’s supposed to describe any instance of the narrative portraying a male’s emotional pain be of a higher magnitude than anyone else’s within his story. Especially women’s.
In my post I was referring to the very specific case where a woman’s suffering is stripped from her narratively and made exclusively a guy’s problem, to the point it only exists if it’s in relation to him. Think Gwen Stacy’s death affecting Spiderman or 2009‘s Spock’s mom dying or Aang burning Katara and then moping about never firebending again, necessitating her comforting him about his (accidental) assault on her. messed up doesn’t even begin to cover that last one The girl with the puppy is actually an example of this in Wing because her death only exists to make Heero feel bad. She isn't even given a name. The most classic example really is a guy’s mom dying though and him being forever sad about it. It’s the easy way for the writer to give his manly man something to cry over without making him a wimp. Otherwise Kira from Gundam Seed would be more popular.
But when we get asked to name a famous fictional death, I think most people will pick Mufasa, the prime example ever of a death affecting the audience. And it makes sense. Because not only was Mufasa a good parent, who sacrificed his life to save his son, Simba’s entire hero’s journey is basically living up to his father’s example. It's what drives the story.
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And that’s the difference between men and women dying in fiction, especially parents. If a mother dies, it’s something to be sad over (i.e. Spock). If a father dies, it’s a legacy to uphold (i.e. Kirk). Simba is never worried about living up to Sarabi’s expectations. Hiccup spends three movies trying not to shame his father. Katniss won’t shut up about what a great person her dad was even though her mom is right there, being the medic for her entire district, but never being worth emulating in any way.
The same goes if it’s just a friend. A female friend’s death is a devastating event, a male friend’s death is a call to not let his sacrifice be in vain.
Which brings us back to Meilan. Meilan may have been written as just a device to give Wufei a tragic backstory, which lands her squarely in man pain territory, but narratively she is the same category as Mufasa, influencing Wufei to the degree he changes his entire way of life to live up to her memory and hold himself accountable during the series when he fails to do so, which yanks her right out of it again.
Besides, Wufei never goes around openly mourning her death. It’s hidden in aggressiveness and weird sexism towards Noin and his odd reverence of his Gundam. I love that it was supposed to be a secret that would have been revealed at the middle of the series, just like everyone else’s backstories, had the schedule not been crazy, giving us the recap episodes instead. Alas...
But this is one of the reasons I love Gundam Wing so much. The colony leader Heero Yuy and the late King Peacecraft may be revered figures within its universe, but by the end of the series, and definitely by EW, the person the entire galaxy admires is Relena. A girl. Which is completely deserved for all the things she manages to pull off, mind you.
I love most that Heero admiring Relena also has a very personal aspect to it. He knows her. He knows how bullheaded she can be. She’s not an abstract to him, he’s intimately familiar with that Gundanium backbone of hers. That scene on Libra where they keep throwing compliments at each other is great. Relena tries to transfer her accomplishments to Heero, playing into narrative tradition of gender roles here where the guy always gets all the glory, no matter how competent the girl may have been (glaring at you here, Hiccup and Astrid >_>) and Heero, the show’s male protagonist, bounces it right back, telling her he is nothing compared to her, landing a sweet blow to narrative sexism.
Gundam Wing is a weird little show where I don’t know if one could call it feminist considering how every woman is assigned to a man, with Treize and Zechs and Duo and Wufei standing above their female counterparts due to their strength or lineage or because they’re the series’ Char clone, but within the roles it assigned to everyone, it does a wonderful job of not being sexist about them. Une is portrayed as more competent than Treize, who is more of an opportunist. Zechs outright says Noin is better than him. Wufei won’t shut up about Nataku and what a failure he is. It's like the show apologizes for being Gundam and made in the 90s, explaining why the pilots and big bads all have to be male, but they'll make the female characters as cool as they can to make up for it. Here, have some Sally and Noin being a badass duo or Relena and Dorothy carrying the philosophical debate during the Cinq arc.
....Except Hilde. I got nothing here because her and Duo are classic gender roles to a T, haha. But at least Duo is not being a jerk about it, which is more than can be said about most fictional guys trying to dictate a female’s actions. Duo lets Hilde make her own decisions.
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lightwise · 2 days
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TBB S3 E11 Reaction
I’ve watched this episode multiple times already but honestly it doesn’t get any easier. Here we go I guess 😩
- This droid guy looks like the one from episode 4. They’re kinda cute
- The return of Mel! (And Phee 😁)
- Both of them are in a mood 😆. What trip did they just get back from to make them so cranky? Love the throwback to Skara Nall too.
- Noooo not CX-2 😭
- He’s a sneaky boi
- I knew that Phee would inadvertently be how the coordinates to Pabu would be found 🥺🥺
- I’m just now noticing that the back office is playing music and that’s probably why Phee can’t hear the alarm go off. That is hilarious and also very frustrating 😅
- Of course the droid thinks it caused the alarm somehow
- There’s no way downloading someone’s flight log goes that quickly but okay
- Ooooh my girl knows something is up! Her spidey pirate senses are going off. Aghhhh if only she had been a second sooner!!
- If CX-2 ISN’T Tech there is zero reason why he would have stayed behind to watch Phee leave before he snuck off. Also how is he so incredible at hacking into and decoding things 👀
- Ugh I just want a show of Phee and Mel adventures around the galaxy!
- Why is his ship so freaking cool. These maps are incredible.
- Reallyyyy wanna get CX-2’s helmet off 😭
- Aw Pabu is so beautiful in the sunset
- Ha! I knew the boys would try to leave after Ventress warned them it was too dangerous to stay on Pabu. Hunter might be slow sometimes but he’s not completely stupid guys
- Aw poor Wrecker just wants an ice cream
- Crosshair shakes his head at him 🤣
- The little clone cadets outfits are so cool!!!
- Not going to lie, the first time I watched this was the closest I had cried all season. Tech’s goggles and Lula being placed in the Archium is so heartbreakingly fitting 💔
- Wrecker and Gonky banter 🤩🤩🤩 Gonk is such a part of the family I love it soooo much
- Okay seriously how is CX-2 able to both know he’s tripped a proximity sensor AND turn it off?? Come on
- I just realized how he knows where the cave is too. If he tracked Phee’s flight log it must have shown exactly where she normally landed
- Ugh that gold and purple is just too beautiful. Can Pabu be a real place that I can go to?
- Hunter’s spidey senses are also on alert. And I love how close he and Crosshair are again, their pre-Order 66 bond has been restored and is even deeper. Crosshair is attuned to when Hunter’s senses go off. And their helmets sitting together on the cart is so cute 🥹
- No NO no NOOO Nooooo. This moment was ruined by the Star Wars marketing team so it honestly didn’t hit as hard as it would have otherwise, but 😭😭😭. RIP Marauder. You will live on in our imagination
- I still can’t believe that they somehow heard our outcry about what would happen to Gonky, Lula, and Tech’s goggles if they blew up the Marauder, and decided to save EXACTLY those three things 🤣 (and Wrecker. So glad Wrecker is “relatively” okay, poor boy)
- Hunter’s slooow helmet turn until we see the starship above the island. Phew. And the Imperial March coming in.
- Omega comforting Batcher 😭😭😭
- Having LAATs swoop down into a town like that would be terrifying
- Man, where’s Maarva when you need her. Fuck the Empire
- “Search every domicile until you find her” is going to go down in Star Wars quote history
- I was genuinely afraid they were going to burn the whole island
- I’m sorry but I just can’t take the backpack clips on CX-2 seriously
- Batcher baby no! (Also genuinely thought we were going to lose her for a second)
- Damn Hunter. Nothing makes him shine like hand to hand combat and other things 🥵
- He’s never been hotter honestly
- Alright how in the world is CX-2 so good at *everything*. I’m honestly getting a little annoyed at it.
- Crosshair’s face 😭💔😭 he’s never looked more scared and pleading than when he says his baby sister’s name
- I’m kind of surprised that they didn’t just burn down the town anyway. Either CX-2 is just trying to be super efficient/he doesn’t care past accomplishing his mission, or the Empire gets much more petty and cruel by Kenobi and Rebels
- It’s so interesting to me how touchy CX-2 is with Omega. Why all the shoulder pushes? Shoulder touches are very much a form of affection and communication among clones. Has that impulse in him just been turned to violence?
- Sooo…we basically will never get wet hair Hunter 🤣🤣🤣 I’ll take this much dripping and cute Batcher scratches compensation though
- Okay. I’m just going to say it. The way they chose to have Crosshair miss the tracking device was so disappointing to me. Not the fact that he missed, but how he missed. Having him be distracted and fend for his life and be late for the shot was great. But I wish they had brought his hand tremble into play here as the main mechanism behind why he missed. They’ve been building that up all season and it would have made perfect sense. Instead he rushes and like trips and just shoots too early? So out of character. I didn’t like it and still don’t :(
- Welp, Omega seems to be less worried than we are. We’re in the end game now folks 😳 this music is awesome too
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sunflowernyx · 2 years
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[Unfinished] 'Sleepwalker' Rebelcaptain soulmate AU
Genre: Canon divergent, romance, soulmate au, dream sharing, reincarnation romance
Rating: General audiences
Pairing: rebelcaptain, jyncassian, jyn/Cassian
Summary: They live double lives, fighting in their waking hours, and living as dreamy phantoms in sleep, watching over another without knowing who they are.
Notes: So episode 8 of Andor has made me realise a concept like this would require waaaaay more angst and reflection and the style of it isn't to my liking. But I still wrote 3k so I thought I'd share it!! (and I'll probably return to it when we're done with season 1 and I'm done with the other complete-AU-Au I'm writing instead!!
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"The two-faced divinity: A sun goddess and a serpent from the Overworld sharing the same mouth."
- Luthen Rael
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The first time he dreams of her, she is a silhouette of white, a ghost, a goddess.
She is nothing but sunlight, a burning fire so bright and so warm, all he feels is home.
And then she is torn from his grasp, torn into reality, into mortality, breaking apart, her glow fading from his world. The path dimming until it is lost in darkness.
Kassa wakes in his cot and cries so loudly that Kerri joins in, a three year old and an infant breaking the silence that is never silent in the Kenari mining town.
***
When Jyn is thee she stands on the precipice of an abyss she cannot explain and an explosion knocks her out of her cot.
She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t make a sound, and neither papa nor mama notice that she wakes. Instead she climbs carefully to her feet on stubby little legs and waddles over to the window full of lights, gold and orange and green and pink, from a city that never sleeps.
Though she knows only skyscrapers and clouds and the galaxy above her, papa calling her a star in their sky, she marvels at none of it.
None but the turquoise serpent that slithers through the glass from the sky outside. It lifts its head and regards her with deep black eyes, eyes that soften in quiet recognition of who she is and who she isn’t yet.
She reaches up and touches its face gently, the skin of her fingers growing wet from the serpent’s tears, feels its pain and its grief and its longing, aching in her chest. And then she feels its tears running down her cheeks as well.
When it asks her silently, she allows it to curl around her, and she settles into its warmth, into the deep sensation of home and safety, and falls back asleep, child and serpent coiled together in peace.
Later, when she remembers the night, Jyn still cannot tell if she had dreamt it or if it was real. All she knows is that her parents had found her the next morning with a kyber crystal in hand.
***
For most of his life Cassian Andor despises the Force.
He despises it because it seems to go out of its way to taunt him. Little flashes of future events taunt him in his dreams, in waking moments, events he cannot understand or stop. They feel like warnings or a reminder of the inevitability of tragedy in a galaxy consumed by war and oppression, and always, always he finds he only understands them in the thick of it.
When Maarva catches a cold and nearly dies.
When Bix’ parents are interned.
When Clem is hanged.
He takes matters into his own hands at thirteen, and though he understands this warning, the sense of where he is going, he still throws the molotov cocktail at the storm troopers.
Cassian is full of rage and grief, and he hates the Force for seeing all of it and doing nothing to stop it.
And more than anything else, he hates the dreams of a different time, of a different place, of himself sitting in a room on a bed with a hologram in his hands of a woman, beaming with tragedy in her eyes as she lies.
*** 
Rebellions are built on hope!
***
The only thing he can forgive the Force for is the dreams he dreams of a girl, barely his own age.
(Cassian never thinks of added strength to his blows, how easily he can convince people to cut him some slack, or the ability to catch Maarva’s cane when it should be out of reach as products of his connection to the Force).
Always she is in unfamiliar territory. Be it an eternal city, bright among the clouds, or a landscape where the land is black as night and the sky is white as snow.
She runs and she plays, and she listens to her parents, and Cassian is almost jealous of her in those early years, for having parents, for having peace. For knowing to whom she belongs.
But then things change, and he sits with her in the dark of a cave. He doesn’t know why she’s there, shaking a little lamp into life every few hours and singing to herself in the dark. All he knows is that he’d gone to bed, exhausted from an argument with Maarva that had gone anything but well because of his lacking grasp of Basic, and the next thing, he’d opened his eyes to the girl and the lamp and the cave.
She’s clutching a crystal, hanging from her neck.
He isn’t sure how he knows, but Cassian knows with every fibre of his being, every particle of his soul, that this girl is real, that somewhere in the galaxy she is sitting alone and abdoned, afraid of the dark, and singing to herself.
Every time she clutches the necklace, he feels a spec of stardust touch himself, and every time she cries his heart breaks apart a little more for her.
Eventually, it becomes too painful to sit there beside her without doing anything, and though he knows he will never be able to touch her like this, he still reaches out and carefully places his hand around her shoulder. Careful, so as not to break the illusion of touch.
***
Jyn learns to steal, not from Saw, but from the boy in her dreams.
He picks a pocket here, steals a gold chrono from a tourist there, pretends to be ill and scams himself into a hot meal on a day it’s too cold to walk back across his frozen over town of scrap and snow.
She doesn’t smile as easily as he does, and he doesn’t fight as well as she does, and so she decides to leave the scamming to him, and focus on the pickpocketing.
It isn’t the only thing she learns from him. She learns how to knit socks, how to take apart a droid faster than anyone. By the time saw finally introduces her to a blaster, she’d already known through the boy in her dreams how to aim with sniper precision and where to hit her target to kill them in an instant.
Her adoptive father raises an eyebrow when she shows off and smirks.
“Good,” is all he says, and ruffles her hair.
By the time she learns what it feels like to be in an imperial prison, she is eight years old. She learns that a group of boys can be the cruellest to each other, that cold on Lah’mu isn’t true cold, and that imps are happy to dish out violence or manipulate others to do it for them. She learns how to hold herself with dignity, as if she had a pillar of steel at your core, how to hide her reactions, her fears, her rage.
And she learns it all by watching the boy in her dreams go through the horrors of imprisonment — and then war.
***
By the time Cassian makes it off Mimban, he has forgotten where the sources of his knowledge comes from. Did he learn to assemble a sniper rifle on the fly from a general in white? Or in a dream?
Did he learn to stab up and under the helmet to sever the nerves of a ‘trooper so they won’t have time to make a sound from experience or because he’d seen blood on a smaller, more elegant pair of hands first?
Who taught him to run?
It certainly wasn’t the girl in his dreams.
He sits on barrel of explosives, watching her dance through an army of troopers, her brow knitted, her green eyes ice cold. Like a goddess of war, takes down her enemies as if they are nothing but insects below her feet, barely even catching a breath anymore, her skin dry of sweat.
When the last ‘trooper falls, she pauses and heaves, depositing her truncheons to her belt, and looks around with bored disdain on her face.
Finally, she looks in Cassian’s direction, and for a moment her eyes catch on his. Cassian has only ever seen them from the side, catching and changing in hue to whatever colour the light in her environment might influence her, cooling at night, warming with sunrise. But now her eyes lock on Cession and they are beyond vivid, startlingly green.
And full of stars. 
Then her comm scratches and he wakes up in a cold sweat.
***
Because she travels with Saw, Jyn hears all the stories. She sits in a shed somewhere, peeling potatoes with an old village crone, listening to the way she relates the myths of the Force, the breath of life through the galaxy. She hears stories of heroes and villains, Jedi and Sith, from the soldiers she fights with. She loiters in a mall under a local government administration, keeping an eye on imps while Maya sets up the explosives, and hears girls talk about soulmates, force bonds.
And then shush each other, giggling.
Giggling, because the Force religions are evil under the eye of the empire.
Giggling, because any sign of Force sensitivity will land you twenty years in prison.
Giggling, because of a boy that walks past, his blond hair slicked back with too much gel.
Oh, Jyn hears them all. She hears of shared bruises and shared words. She hears of names being whispered against your skin, and flowers blossoming where no one chan see them.
The favourite in Saw’s cadre is the shared wounds, and it becomes so, not just because of the pride freedom fighters take in their wounds, but because Saldon lost his foot suddenly and without warning, his limb turning to stardust in the gloom of a twilit moon.
Jyn is there to hear the screams, to watch Saw end the poor man’s life.
Jyn is there to cower under her blankets afterwards at the horrible mercy in her adoptive father’s hand.
Jyn is there to clutch the kyber crystal to her chest and close her eyes.
She’s still there, on the edge of sleep, when a warm hand brushes over her head.
***
She refuses to think of the person in her dreams as her soulmate.
She refuses to get attached.
But then she flickers into consciousness in a waking dream, for the first time in a week, to warm sunlight and a nice hotel room. The shower is on, but the person she has dreamt of her whole life is fully dressed in a white shirt, brown pants and terrible shoes for running. His face is clean, his hair rumbled, and his face marked with exhaustion as he speaks to a woman in the other room.
Jyn floats curiously to the edge of the shower wall and finds a gorgeous, dark-skinned woman in his bed, her hair falling off her head like an explosion of curls.
She rolls her eyes, too used to the man in her dreams having night time partners to make anything of it, floating back, instead, to his presence as he continues the conversation.
“I was planning on going the other way,” he counters when his partner asks him again to go down the beach, and Jyn sees it, the flicker of gold glittering around him. Stars dancing, twirling in a force field, almost indistinguishable from the drops of air in the room.
The woman in the other room pushes again, and Jyn sees the flicker of fear on his face.
“No,” she says, floating closer.
“Fine,” he allows, closing his eyes.
“No, listen to yourself,” she implores him.
Her hand comes up to rest against his chest, over his heart, where she has never touched him before, where she knows she can’t.
And she sees it, see-through white skin against his tonnned muscles. Fear flickers through her and she hesitates.
Jyn closes her hand around thin air and resigned herself to follow him down the beach instead.
She watches him pull on a yellow vest and head out without a second glance at the woman, watches the sea breeze rustle in his hair. She watches as he starts sensing something to be wrong, starts noticing the thieves running for their lives, while every other person around him accepts the events as natural, accepts the order of things.
And she knows that it is his vigilance and their complacency that marks him as trouble in the eyes of the imps patrolling the bay.
He’s so good at talking his way out of trouble, his silver tongue getting him anything he wants, influencing the people around him with a little nudge from the Force in his words. But the imp isn unaffected, and Jyn watches with horror as her soulmate is attacked by a mindless KX unit.
Jyn had promised herself not to get attached.
But it doesn’t stop her from hating that she can’t intervene.
It doesn’t stop her from yelling and crying and begging the Force to save him.
It doesn’t stop her going hunting for KX units and imps in a cold-blooded, silent scream of rage and pain, the day she wakes up after that particular dream.
***
And it doesn’t stop her from reading Nemik’s manifesto over his shoulder, and smiling to herself the day he completes it, only to hand it over to the leader of the Rebel Alliance.
She curls up in the tiny bed she’s made for herself of cardboard boxes, clutches the kyber crystal, and mutters “now change their name, next”.
***
Cassian wakes from that dream with laughter still warm on his lips.
For all of his life, he feels as if he’d lived two lives. The one he fights through in waking, and the one he dreams of at night. It’s impossible to tear the two apart at this point. The girl is as real to him as the people he fights with, the people he laughs with, the people he loses.
She is a small miracle, a flicker of hope in the stormy war to warm his chest, always accomplishing what she sets out to do and never losing herself — even when she has lost all others.
Sometimes, he doesn’t dream of her in he present. Sometimes he dreams of her in a different setting, on a beach, somewhere warm, with the sun catching like gold in her hair. He remembers her vividly in those, adulthood shaping her face, lovely, both round and angular, her eyes wide and green, with starlight and grief and affection to dance like flecks of gold in her eyes. Deep blue all that colours her frame, her shirt, her vest, her pants. 
And her hand in his.
Never had it occurred to Cassian to ask the Force if she had dreamt of him, too.
Now, it comes as a shock, a blow to the face, that she had seen him, had heard him, had followed him down his path and seen all that he had done. What had she seen? What hadn’t she seen?
Kenari, Aldhani, Ferrix?
Blood on his hands, lies in his mouth?
Another woman in his arms?
Cassian shakes his head at the last thought. She isn’t his and he isn’t hers. And somehow, Cassian thinks, she is the last person who would ever hold it against him, what he does in this war.
Whatever they are, he has never come across an existence like theirs. He’d thought the Force had simply been playing tricks on him, mocking him for reaching for every human within reach, only to take their lives when they had turned out not to be what he had expected.
He had thought the visual of a girl so alike him, and yet so much better, so much more capable of doing the right thing, had simply been a punishing reminder of his own failure to do what was right, to run from the path of the righteous rebel.
But now he sits on the edge of his bed in the Yavin Four bass, producing the gold chain with the sky kyber attached, blue and shattered transluscency.
He turns it in his hands, feels it burn against his skin and tries not to think of Aldhani.
He had been so busy that night, doing his best to run and survive. But he still remembers, all these years later, the silhouette of someone in the stars, white and gold and ethereal, so familiar and yet so beyond his reach.
The thought occurs to him, that if he isn’t being taunted with a better life by the Force, then maybe they had been bound, connected, tied together beyond space and time for some reason or other.
The beach flashes before his eyes again and Cassian shakes his head free of the image, the feeling of a body held close in his.
Whatever it is, soulmates, force bound, whatever she is, if she sees him too, then she must understand that he can see her, that he has always seen her.
Which means there is one existence in this wide galaxy that Cassian is now responsible for.
***
That he wants to be responsible for.
***
He doesn’t go looking for her.
He doesn’t.
***
Where would he even begin?
He has no clue who she is, only has a vague description in his head he can’t run through a facial recognition software. He knows she ran with a violent rebel cell, but not with one or where.
He knows so little and yet he knows everything about her.
And never is it enough to find her.
It is only ever enough to distract him during long research hours in an empty computer room, looking up planets with black soil (there are countless), looking up peoples with stars and constellations in their eyes (there are none, only fairy tales), until he falls asleep at his desk and dreams of her instead.
Dreams of the way she struggles through every day, dreams of what she has to do to keep from starving, the shoes she steals, the life she bargains for. How she steals from Imperial treasuries or cons a local politician or blows up a military base. Always alone, always lonely.
Always out of reach.
It isn’t doing him any sort of kindness, either. Melshi frowns with concern, Vel narrows her eyes suspiciously, and Cinta, as always, remains stoically silent to his predicaments.
Until one day, when he’s sitting in a meeting, invited by Mothma herself and for the first time, as an observer of all of Saw Gerrera’s cruel words launched at the Alliance.
The spectre of a hero that will do anything and everything, which haunts and terrifies and awes every alliance in equal measure, pops up in a massive hologram to begins his berating speech and Cassian—
Casian hears none of it.
He tumbles out of his chair in shock and horror, losing his balance momentarily and with a loud clatter.
Melshi and Vel both turn to look at him with astonishment, and Cassian climbs into a sitting position on the floor with a wince and an apology in his tone.
He’s rubbing the back of his head, at age twenty two, when he says “Sorry. I just… realised who my soulmate is.”
The others share a look. 
“What?” Melshi demands in horror. “Saw Gerrera?”
“No. His—“ Cassian hesitates, looking down at his hands before looking up again. “His daughter.”
Now they’re openly gaping at him.
“That—“ Vel begins.
And Melshi finishes. “That’s definitely worse!”
***
***
And then, the dream becomes real. Someone steals his blaster.
Cassian senses the expert touch of the pickpocket, the weight being lifted from his thigh. And he whirls in the crowd to a familiar unfamiliar face.
Bright and pale, with green eyes that glow in the dusty, brown air, the miserable crowd, the girl from his dreams stands before Cassian, twirling his blaster around her indigo finger.
She’s grinning smugly.
“Let your guard down,” she says, her voice full of laughter.
And it burns over his skin, burns into him, through his soul.
“You!”
Cassian takes two quick steps, crossing the distance between them and grabbing her around the waist. She shrieks and fights, but he hauls her easily over his shoulder and starts back the way he’d come.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” she complains.
“Only whatever you’re letting me,” Cassian responds, laughter in his voice now.
He shouldn’t be so calm about this. They’re making a spectacle, and this planet is still imperially occupied. He’s a spy, and he knows the consequences of being spotted, but somehow none of it matters. Somehow, he feels safe, feels free, feels mischievous for the first time in as long as he can remember. Simply by being in her presence, finally.
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rebelsofshield · 2 years
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Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi: “Part Four” - Review
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Obi-Wan launches a rescue mission in an exciting episode that seems to forget the strengths of past chapters.
Leia Organa has been captured. Held prisoner in the Fortress Inquisitorius, she is interrogated by Reva not only about the location of Obi-Wan but the entire underground rescue operation of Force Sensitive children. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan with his new allies plans a dangerous rescue to retrieve the Princess of Alderaan before it is too late.
We closed last week’s episode with our hero brought to an even further low. Not only out of practice and out of touch with the Force, Obi-Wan was beaten and tortured by the monstrous new form of his former surrogate brother. It was one of the darkest Star Wars installments in quite sometime and fairly traumatic for both viewer and character.
Which is the reason why this episode’s decidedly plot and action focused structure feels off putting and strange. Despite its sometimes awkward execution, the undeniable strength of Obi-Wan Kenobi has been the realistic and measured approach it takes to showing its title character’s trauma. We’ve seen clearly over the last three episodes just how much Obi-Wan’s faith and confidence have been shattered by the violent end to The Clone Wars and if anything his defeat at the hands of Vader should only send him into a further spiral. This is a man who spent the last ten years with a passive mission that let him wallow in his failures and misery and the first time he steps back out into the galaxy he loses the girl he was trusted to protect and is burned alive by a demonic reminder of his own failure to help one of the closest people in his life. This is not to say that Obi-Wan would just give up and go home and leave Leia helpless at the hands of the Inquisitors, but it seems only right that his faith be even more shaken.
And that just doesn’t happen. “Part Four” is a thrilling, classic Star Wars style rescue. It’s about as A New Hope as you can get, right down to the oblivious stormtroopers and rescuing Princess Leia. And it’s fun! Those clamoring for the action hero Obi-Wan of the prequels are sure to get their fill here. Even if his skills are still a little rusty, Obi-Wan still gets to swing his lightsaber around and take out patrols of stormtroopers.
On a spectacle level it’s probably the best the series has been so far. The Fortress Inquisitorius is a great set which feels imposing and Imperial, lacking in the sometimes shoddy production value of the last two installments. “Part IV” feels cinematic and the stylish and thrilling direction of Deborah Chow that first impressed way back in The Mandalorian’s first season finally hits its stride here.
But it’s all action and plot and little else. There are no true moments of reflection on Obi-Wan’s part. No flashes of doubt or worry. Sure, he’s got shit to get done, but what exactly was the point of last week’s fiery conclusion if we aren’t going to let it inform and alter our character. Even haunting moments like the eerie sights of former Jedi encased in amber (RIP Tera Sinube) feel more like lore wrinkles and less like an emotional challenge for our hero to overcome.
Similarly, after spending the last three episodes obsessing over finding Obi-Wan, Reva now centers her hunt on The Path and the hidden escape route for Force Sensitives. It’s a strange swerve and seems out of step with a singular focus that seemed like it had to be personal. Reva’s easy switch to different prey makes her motivations feel like pure ambition and little else, which I hope isn’t the case. Moses Ingram is too good for that.
Surprisingly, the one character that does really click here is Indira Varma’s Tala. While Tala’s exact motivations and history are kept mostly vague (the same can be said for most of the rest of The Path volunteers even if O’Shea Jackson Jr and Maya Erskine act their hearts out), Indira Varma plays her with such an empathetic presence and vulnerability that it’s hard not to get wrapped up her attempts to help Obi-Wan rescue Leia. She doesn’t have a lightsaber or the assurance of half a century of canon protecting her. She’s just a woman trying to use her position of power to help someone in need and at any moment that could all backfire on her dramatically. Her attempts to sneak through Imperial red tape and avoid detection are nail biting in the best paranoid spy thriller kind of way and its enough to make her eventual rescue feel like a breath of relief.
As a whole, “Part Four” can’t help but feel like a detour. When a series commits so hard and so well to being a character study, its abandoning of this for the sake of an overly familiar rescue mission episode can’t help but feel like an aside. Sure, the action is fun and the plotting tense, but it feels like a part of a much flashier and less intelligent show than the one we’ve been watching.
Score: B-
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borahaejenn · 11 months
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Hello Tannies and ARMY😽✌️
I wanted to say GOOD MORNING✨😆 But also, I hope you enjoy these next three days. I explain in the videos but I just do a bunch of TMI and random banter with cursing in this first day lol I do apologize as I am very everywhere and also sorry for that random inappropriate joke I make because I really am like that when I get more comfortable lol and It really did take a little restrain to not laugh when the person at IKEA asked me about the Swedish meatballs lol 😂 I am a big Child but I swear I kept it together at the restaurant. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love y’all so much I don’t mind expressing my mind being in the gutter sometimes lol 😆 we are all mostly adults here anyways 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I am asexual but I still get the jokes.
But also, if you want you can sing along to the random Bangtan tracks I bring up each day lmaoo I had fun even though I was so out of range and overly dramatic with it 😁👍 LET’S GO!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I talk about some things I watched and I did all these videos early on Tuesday and so I said I was on episode 6 of ALL OF US ARE DEAD lol but I caught up to episode 8. I have to add that I still don’t like the pink cardigan homegirl lol Na-yeon got me all messed up. I will say though from an empathetic point of view I would see her differently because she showed signs of human stress in a situation that is scary and that is relatable but what I just didn’t like was that she went all the way to kill someone and thought it okay to do so to prove her point because she cared so much about what others thought. She was not in good circumstances and I get it but also, thinking about murdering someone and doing it is something else too. She could have been a good person if she started on the path of self-accountability but that part where she snapped just told me something else. The actress is lit for portraying that in her character though. Also, I knew I was right about Nam-ra and Su-hyeok!!!!!! YESSSS!!!!😭 homie did have a thing for the class prez. Lmaoo When they confessed and kissed I felt so relieved at least one of the couples was honest about their feelings lol I just also have to say that EUN-JI deserves that upgrade lol I was laughing so hard when she walked out unscathed and just started riding out on a bicycle with the biggest smile on her face just passing all the zombies 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 yes!!!!!! The camera work in that scene was genius. I wanted to play ARSON so bad because she tried to burn the school down too. Lmaoo so EPIC. As a hambie, she just gained so much confidence and strength and after all the crap she went through I think she owns being a half zombie lol And then Min-ji and Ha-ri ahhhh!!! I love the archery aspect of the show but laughed at how they aimed for the chest at times and not the head 🤣🤣🤣 But I love how Min-ji is all hate and love with everybody and she has a crush on Ha-ri. Their banter is adorable. 😭 Also, I may sound very harsh about some characters in the videos because I get so invested in shows that really suck me in and this show did. I come in peace but with fictional characters I go hard. Lol 😆
Also, I forgot to speak about Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy 3 because she needs props too for also holding down the fort while Quill was drinking and mourning his relationship that ended with Gamora lol but she kept it real and tried to lead for a bit while Quill was out of it. So, I wish to also give an honorable mention to the homegirl Nebula.😂🙌 Also, she should the most character development along with Mantis and Drax and I loved that for them.😭
I also wanted to point out for the videos the next two days as well because I don’t talk about the cards again until tomorrow lol I speak a lot about the idea of fear and negativity in regards to defining the inner parts of both of Jiminie and Hobi’s cards and I just wanted to also point out that I didn’t keep bringing it up to say that the cards only make that up. But, that at the core those are the very things their individual cards have to face and every card has their own thing but for both of theirs those two points came up a lot especially since Hobi’s card is big in the emotional development and Jimin’s card is in the expanded consciousness. It makes both their cards very susceptible to things that may seem negative in the world and that is pointed out in their cards but that is why they are the most loving, caring, and empathetic out of the bunch. I didn’t get to say this part in the videos and wanted to clear that up as well. I may sound repetitive in the videos because some points lead to certain characteristics. But also, let me just say that a lot of things that seem scary or bad in this world is at the center of why they have such success and because they prevailed by also owning their gifts. Their cards call them out to show people that fear can be confronted and a catalyst to believe in yourself more and that negativity is there for you to grow through it not just to get through it. You can see that proof in Hobi and Jimin. Their cards are proof that you must face your fears and be friends with the negative in order to control it. I love that about their cards and there is oddly a strong connection with both and I think that’s why Hobi and Jimin are also very close. But, I hope you can see what I mean when I talk about their cards because they are also special and very meaningful. 💜✨
I hope y’all have a kick ass time these next three days with Yoongi!!!! Please eat well. Take care of each other. Spread the love, safely. 💕 And SCREAM LOUDLY! Haha 😂 FIGHTING EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!! 💪DASHI RUN RUN RUN TO AGUST D!!!! 😸 lol LET’S GO SINGAPORE!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥I HEART U.╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
-Your Jennifer 💜🐰💜
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ghostfriendly5 · 2 years
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Magdalena Von Westfalen tribute (LOGH)
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Baroness Magdalena Von Westfalen. Noble socialite with a noble heart, patron of liberal and artistic causes, independent woman and my favourite character in Legend of the Galactic Heroes. Briefly appearing in five episodes out of over 150, to the best of my knowledge, in a series where men fight dramatic space battles while women serve the tea before getting married, or mobbed to death.
Am I watching the wrong show? Probably, but I don't think Bridgerton has such archly sophisticated yet kind-hearted society ladies with fascinating Japanese contraltos. Who can survive a bombing at the Duke's party, crack open a surviving bottle with the 'Heroes', and immediately toss off a witticism about a 'priceless' burning painting that had less artistic value than its frame (only she says motif). Solidly confirming her courage, wit and artistic taste in less than three minutes. Truly, there are no small parts, only small actors.
Alas, even the wittiest socialite couldn't have more than a supporting role in a story of soldiers and victims of war; albeit if the galaxy cared more for art and music than blowing itself up, it would be happier. Much more could certainly have been done with Magdalena, in the way of protecting Annarose from court intrigues, rallying support for Reinhardt among the nobles, and providing an alternative aesthetic viewpoint to all those stormtrooper Admirals. Magda could have done any of it with more sass and style than Hilde Von Mariendorf; a respectably strong and active woman, but not nearly so fabulous.
Not to mention Magda's implied romantic interest in Siegfried Kircheis (I read that she’s married, but no husband is shown or mentioned. Also, it’s rumoured in-universe that she has a different artist boyfriend for every night of the week, but that says more about the Empire’s view of female independence). Siegfried, however, she might very well have loved, although he was a commoner, in love with her best friend, a pure princessy damsel, and ended up getting tragically assassinated. Nothing is shown of Magda's reaction to either of these tragedies, which is a rather serious gap.
Oh well, briefly appearing characters would often be ruined if the writers tried and failed to speak the unspoken. We have fanfiction to explore their unfulfilment, and RPGs to help them fulfil it.
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mari-beau · 3 years
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GIVE ME A REASON: PART FOUR - A Rogue One Fanfic
So this part/scene got a little out of control. Ironically, since I only had the base idea of when it would take place until I started writing it. You can also find/read this story on AO3 now.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Four
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor
Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)
Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope
Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope
Warnings: Some sappiness?
Words: 2,978
Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.
Also can be found on AO3.
...
“Ms. Erso, it is time for you to vacate the infirmary.”
Jyn jerked, jarred from sleep and reaching for the knife she no longer had on her person. Her situation settled back around her surfacing consciousness, calming her immediate fight-or-flight response but keeping her on edge.
“No,” she told the medical orderly droid. “I already told the doctors, medical staff and you lot that I’m not leaving Captain Andor. I don’t want him to wake up alone.”
“Yes. You were most clear regarding your intransigence, Ms. Erso.”
Droids had the worst attitudes. Shouldn’t med ones be programmed with a better bedside manner?
“But the bed is needed,” the droid went on when she just wanted it to go away so she could wallow in the overwhelming mix of emotions drowning her; loss, guilt, relief. “There are numerous incoming casualties from a skirmish in the Za’dan sector.”
Jyn scowled, but didn’t budge.
“What difference does it make if I leave? It’s not like I’m taking up an extra bed.” As if to prove her point, she shifted closer to Cassian in the infirmary cot, making her already petite body take up even less room.
“Captain Andor is to be processed for discharge. So you will keep your superfluous vow that he won’t wake up alone. Even though he wouldn’t be alone anyway. There are medical staff and med-droids present.”
Jyn was too alarmed by the droid’s revelation to mind the griping typical to its type.
“You’re discharging him?!” Jyn shifted, pushing herself up to study the unconscious man.
How well she knew every bruise and injury visible and many hidden by the white medical tunic and pants. She’d passed out herself from exhaustion as they began treating her injuries, but as soon as she’d woken up, she’d bullied, threatened and pleaded until they brought her to Cassian, making her wait outside the operating room, only able to watch as they finished the surgeries and treatments. They’d let her curl up in a chair next to the Bacta tank they’d stuck him in afterward, and no one even questioned by the time he was relocated to an infirmary bed when she climbed in beside him.
She’d seen the bandages, bruises, burns and scars. And she knew how they’d changed as the hours, the days had passed. Barely days, just three days since Scarif. Were they insane? They were just going to turn him out, in his condition?
Apparently, they were.
The med-droid was already injecting him with something, and Cassian was rousing. Jyn’s heart beat faster and she practically held her breath, on her knees on the edge of the bed, leaning forward with anticipatory anxiety, clutching at her kyber crystal with one hand. His past few hours of sleep had been strained. He’d been unconscious but also tense, in pain. She’d felt it in the rigidity of his muscles, the periodic hitches in his breathing.
“Did you give him more meds for the pain, too?” she asked the droid. How could they ask him to get back on his feet when he was in so much pain just lying still?
“Yes. And the stimulant should keep him awake until he gets settled back into his quarters.”
Jyn sagged in relief slightly until Cassian came crashing back into reality with a gasp and a jerk, and bewildered, began to thrash. She threw herself on top of him, placing her hands on his shoulders to hold him down, hoping he wouldn’t hurt himself worse, but understanding how confused and frightened he must feel.
“Cassian, It’s Jyn.” As if that would make a difference to him, if he even remembered her upon waking from a days-long practically-a-coma, someone he’d only met far less than a week ago and since had suffered devastating traumas. “You’re safe. You’re on the rebel base on Yavin 4. In the infirmary.”
Almost instantly, he went still, calmed, like a switch had been thrown. But she supposed the man did have quick reflexes, was highly adaptable to various situations. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made it so long as a rebel spy.
“Jyn?” His eyes found her face. They were a little glassy and unfocused but were still, well, captivating, dark, intelligent and expressive. “What happened?”
“We did it.” She shifted back to kneeling beside him, gave him a smile, a genuine one albeit bittersweet. They had succeeded in their mission, but at a tremendous cost. “The plans to the Death Star were received by the fleet.”
“Are they planning an attack?” Cassian pushed himself up to a sitting position, wincing and inhaling sharply, making Jyn picture the freshly healed surgical incisions that were doubtless strained by the movement.
“I…” Jyn had never thought to ask. The moment she realized they weren’t going to die on that beach, making sure Cassian survived had become her only concern. “I don’t know.”
“I should report to Command.” Cassian moved to get out of the infirmary bed, but Jyn stopped him, grabbing his arm to hold him back. She shimmied across the bed and hopped off it to stand in front of him.
“If they needed any more information or intel, they would’ve asked me.” It sounded plausible, even though if they’d tried it, she couldn’t rightly say she would’ve cooperated (they hadn’t listened to her the last time she tried to convince them of the truth), but especially if it meant leaving Cassian’s side. Even for a moment. How had someone else become her primary, her only concern, that she now cared only for his welfare? “And you’re not in any shape to help. Give yourself a little more time to heal.”
She reached for him as he was already trying to stand, stiffening and wobbling for a moment when he was fully upright. But Jyn would support him without him needing to ask, slid her arms around his waist and tucked her shoulder under one of his arms. He leaned into her, likely without even realizing it. From what Jyn could tell, Cassian was an independent sort of person, like herself, but unlike herself, was not too proud to accept help, being more of a team player than she ever had been.
His fingers went to pinch the bridge of his nose and his eyes squeezed shut. He took a long, deep breath, swaying a little.
“How far are your quarters from the infirmary?” she asked.
He sighed. That close, was it?
“Can you make it? If I help you?” Jyn looked around, but the droid had already stripped the bed and skittered off. She would go find whatever he needed for assistance because maybe he was a little proud, too, and had sacrificed a good portion of his independence by leaning on her. She waited, letting him decide, despite her wanting to wrap him up in soft warm blankets in a fluffy bed of pillows and keep him safe.
“Let’s try it. I should probably find out how bad the damage is sooner than later.” His expression had gone tight and unreadable, and her heart broke to think of the justified fear he must be feeling, that he may have suffered permanent damage that could affect the rest of his life, that might take away his purpose of serving the rebellion.
“They healed the blaster wound easily, but you’ve got an impressive scar,” she said as he took a tentative step, using her like a crutch, not questioning why or how she knew his wounds and medical diagnosis and treatments. “The fractures in your vertebrae and ribs probably haven’t completely knitted yet but the prognosis is good.”
Well, this wasn’t so bad. His weight was a burden making her own steps difficult, but Jyn didn’t begrudge it, not when it meant he was alive, and on his feet even. And they were already at the infirmary door. The medical staff hadn’t given them even a second look, but Jyn steeled herself for the possibility of stares as they entered the rest of the base. She couldn’t care less but these were Cassian’s fellow soldiers and he deserved their respect and not pity.
“They replaced your hip and part of your femur,” she said when they entered the hallway.
“Is that why it feels like I’ve been sliced open from my ribs down to my knee?”
“They sealed you back up.”
A light chuckle escaped him. “Things could be worse, then.”
They could, they really could. If Jyn were to make comparisons, it wasn’t just the fact that they hadn’t died on Scarif like it seemed they should’ve, but this situation she found herself in, saddled with a wounded spy (by her own choosing), on a rebel base, a Death Star out there somewhere in the galaxy… It was still the best place she’d been in since… Since she was abandoned by Saw at 16? Since her mother had died and her father had been taken?
Part of her that enjoyed the warmth of Cassian’s body beside hers, the feel of his wiry flank beneath her hand, the smell of his skin, even the weight of him he placed on her shoulders, that part proposed that this was the best situation, the best time in her entire life.
How pathetic did that make her?
She enjoyed dragging a severely wounded man around some giant old ruins half-reclaimed by the jungle converted to a military base… sort of base… The Alliance was so loosely confederated, everything seemed slapped together and piecemeal.
But hopefully the medical facilities had been up to par… They had seemed nicer than anything Jyn had ever experienced. But that wasn’t saying much at all.
“You need a minute?” she asked, finally realizing Cassian’s steps and breathing had become labored. She maneuvered him towards a wall and leaned up against it with him, nodding to a passing rebel soldier of indeterminable rank and unnotable appearance.
“Maybe it would’ve been better if you’d left me on Scarif,” he said, his voice low, quiet and pained as he almost-panted, sagging against the ancient stone wall.
“No,” she said. “You don’t mean that.”
“I was ready to die.”
She didn’t want to hear this. The meds and the strain were making him say things. She told him as much.
He shook his head.
“Listen to me, Jyn.”
What could she do? What could she say? That she didn’t want to hear how he valued his life so little, that he’d throw it away just for the slim chance of providing an opportunity for the rebellion to destroy some Imperial weapon, a terrifying one, but one weapon of many. She-
“I felt peace. For the first time in my life, probably.” His voice had gotten even lower and quieter, almost a whisper, wistful even. Jyn didn’t dare look at him, had to concentrate on breathing normally when she felt his fingers slip into her hand. It was easier to consider her unsolicited affection for the man when he was giving no indication of whether or not he returned it. “And I think it was because you were there. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I didn’t feel alone.”
Oh, Force. He was getting delirious, saying things that, from what she knew of him, he would never share even if he did feel them.
“Come on, let’s get you back to your own bed.”
He didn’t say anything else as they traversed several more halls, and Jyn wondered if she’d hurt his feelings by not responding to his raw, quiet confession. But he continued to lean on her without any hesitation and the silence between them felt comfortable. It was strange. He’d made her so tense in the beginning, the way he watched her, how secretive he was, so guarded. But somehow, somewhere along the way, she grew to not only feel comfortable with Cassian Andor, but to trust him as she’d never trusted anyone else before.
And she thought, maybe he trusted her in return. He followed her on a suicide mission, let her support his injured, vulnerable self on Scarif, let her drag him off that cursed planet, and now lead him across the rebel base, passing by people who really amounted to the only family he’d ever had.
There weren’t many, however. And none stopped. Or stared, too much. The med droid must have been right about the incoming survivors of the skirmish, everyone seemed a little rushed and mission-oriented. Or maybe there was more going on…
“Stop. Stop.”
Jyn immediately froze.
“Are you okay?” she asked, shifting beneath Cassian’s weight to try to get a good look at his face. “Do you need a break?”
“We’re home,” Cassian said, his eyelids sliding nearly shut before they shot open again.
“Oh,” Jyn said, ignoring the way something fluttered inside of her over his choice of words. “Which one?”
“Left side of the hall.” He indicated the door directly to their left with a nod of his head. The stimulant must be failing to combat the pain meds, and his body’s need to rest, to heal. Because he was getting heavier and more slack in her arms.
They staggered over to the door to his quarters and he was at least coherent enough to punch his code into the lock. His room was by no means large, barely larger than Jyn’s cell on Wobani. But at least he didn’t have a cellmate, er, bunkmate… Well, not officially…
She basically dumped him on the narrow bed, which he didn’t seem to mind at all, making a groaning sound of relief and taking several deep breaths, his legs hanging awkwardly off the side. Not knowing what else to do, she bent to lift his legs and slide them onto the bed, forcing him to lay down in a less uncomfortable position. She pulled the white slip-on infirmary shoes off his feet and tossed them in a corner, feeling only a flash of contrition over sullying the pristine room. It was so austere, even with two of the walls comprised of the old stone of the ancient temple. It could’ve been anyone’s quarters. No. That was wrong. It’s nondescriptness, everything hidden away in the meager storage units, only Cassian would keep his personal space in such a spartan manner.
“Cassian…?”
He mumbled something she took to imply he was listening and not passed out yet.
“Do you have extra bedding? A blanket or something?” She could do without. She had, many times. But it would be a little bit better than sleeping on the bare hard stone floor.
“No… Jungle moon… Already too hot… Why?”
“I was going to sleep here, if you don’t mind,” Jyn said. Why was this an awkward conversation to have? Why was she so afraid he’d say no, send her away? “On the floor.”
His eyes opened and that furrow formed between his brows as he studied her with a gaze that seemed to be having trouble focusing. But then he was scooching over until he was almost touching the wall.
“I think this is a nanometer larger than the infirmary cot,” he said. “What do you think?”
Jyn tried not to smile as she kicked off her own flimsy infirmary shoes and climbed onto Cassian’s bed to stretch out beside him. Something inside her sighed, content. She didn’t let it out.
“I don’t know…” she said. “But I guess if they made the infirmary beds nicer than the barracks, they’d have sick rebels all the time.”
A chuckle escaped through his nose.
“I don’t think they usually offer an ángel as a companion, either.”
“What?” Jyn shifted onto her side to study his face. His eyes were closed and he seemed content. The pain meds must be working.
“My mother was a believer in an Ancient Festian religion that worshipped a creator god. I don’t remember very many specifics...” Jyn didn’t dare breathe out, afraid of interrupting the story, softly spoken with hints of nostalgia, sharing a childhood memory, an intimacy she knew Cassian permitted, well, probably no one. “Except, there were these creatures that did the creator’s bidding, guiding people, aiding them, saving them… Angeles… I don’t know the word in Basic…”
He looked at her, and her apprehension about breaking the spell ebbed. Cassian knew full well who he was talking to, even if the pain meds had loosened his tongue, broken down the rigid walls he kept around his private self.
“I don’t know the word, either,” Jyn said. “I’’ve never heard of such creatures, mythical or otherwise.”
Cassian laughed, a soft little rumble that was accompanied by that rare smile of his that was brighter than a yellow dwarf sun and warmed her just as well. But, “What’s funny about that?”
“You…” His hand found hers, fingers sliding against her palm to curl around hers, engulfing her smaller hand. He shifted to face her, wincing a little, but his expression was soft if serious and . “Jyn, you saved me, guided me, are still coming to my aid… You’re my angelita…”
Oh, shit, he was so tired and drugged up he was becoming incoherent. Hopefully, he wouldn’t remember saying such emotional things- oh.
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her knuckles, making her swallow a gasp of surprise, and fight the sigh when he held her hand to his chest as he lay back, his eyelids finally losing the battle and sliding shut.
Oh, Cassian…
“Don’t worship me,” she whispered to his sleeping form. “I’m nothing worth venerating.”
Of course, was she behaving any different when it came to him?
They were quite the mess, the two of them.
She wriggled her fingers in his hold until she was able to interlace them with his and feel the warmth of his palm against hers. Jyn closed her eyes, immersing herself in the quiet, safe moment.
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newswcanonprompts · 4 years
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prompt #37 - Jedi are like Magpies and love their clones
sorry we haven’t posted in forever! to make up for it, i’m posting one of our longest and detailed prompts (maybe even the longest)- this came from a LONG discussion a few weeks back, and it was a lot of fun. this idea morphed a ton, and it became this huge thing. this is personally my favorite one, so hope you enjoy!
Jedi collect trinkets and wear them!!! Hand them to others as a very important gift
The Clones dont really get it, but they are happy
The jedi make them things like jewelry, keychains, little beaded things, colored strings, they’ll give them feathers, you name it 
Its another way to show that they are individuals, and that the jedi know them specifically 
The veteran clones have long keychain type things and the shiny clones want them very much and it’s something they look forward to 
The padawans hand the commanders things and being sad when the CC’s tell them they can’t take them into battle 
Krell gets found out earlier.
“Okay, look, i know krell is… well, he is *something* and i don’t want to accuse a master of the order but have you looked at his men?! where the hell are their keychains?!”
The padawans stage a protest at the senate because how else are they going to make sure that their troops know they are loved and get their trinkets 
This idea can get angsty really quickly (finding trinkets after battles, in ship crashes, or post-order 66), but we won’t do that because of how angsty this server already is, we need some fluff sometimes
Palaptine can commit self delete 
Clones will paint armor for padawans cause that is how they show honor and stuff 
The clones, upon figuring out what they mean, give their jedi trinkets also
Mirialan padawan holding armor they got: “ITS GREEN LIKE ME!” 
There are little figurines, some painted rocks, some little shiny things found on the battlefield
The clones who aren’t as good with their hands singing songs or telling stories
The jedi record them and keep them on little datachips that they keep on them at all times
Barriss doesn’t go bad because this is happy time
The jedi padawans start a riot / protest outside the senate building because some clones got their trinkets taken away by asshole civilians because they’re “not human”, just copies
The (now very pissed off) jedi sprung into action
If a snooty senator(s) takes away a clone’s trinket, the jedi just sit back and grind to a halt. Because if the clones, the PEOPLE WHO PROTECT THE REPUBLIC, are gonna get treated like that, the war can wait 
The jedi knights and masters just meditate wherever the padawans are protesting
This is done to ‘keep the peace’
If anakin hears a snooty senator degrade the clones, he starts ranting and shouting about their individuality and accomplishments, while pointing at each trinket.
Someone live streams this
Luminara joins in (barriss is right behind) 
Aayla too 
Luminara, anakin, aayla, tag teamed shouted speech 
Ahsoka and barriss are being held back by the CC’s (ahsoka is making some very crude hand gestures and barriss is like “i can name every bone in your body as i break it” - cause barriss has all that healer knowledge) 
Once these three are done, mace windu comes along with the council. They think mace is going to scold the three of them until mace starts shouting at the senators too. The council just lets mace do all the talking. 
This is the most watched live stream this year. It’s very funny and starts a ton of memes (obi wans face, yoda meditating, the look of “oh shit” on the original snooty senator’s face, the look of surprise on everyone when mace starts shouting too - there is also a gif made of the council looking at the situation, looking at themselves (mostly mace) and then they all step back to let mace do the talking, the clones faces when they see that three jedi and then the jedi high council are defending them)
Mace, rolling up his sleeves: “okay let’s do this” 
The senators: backing away in fear 
Obi wan might commit a war crime right now because no way people can talk about his troops like that
Obi wan: “am i allowed to kill a senator?”
Cody: “General, do not-”
This whole thing leads to a massive debate and overwhelmingly good PR for the jedi and clones
Shady sheev doesn’t like that. Good PR for the jedi? No thank you. But since this is a fixit he gets his ass kicked later on so everything’s fine (skeevy sheev has to scramble to try to fix his plans though) 
All the padawans from that one lightsaber episode (the one on ilum where the younglings got their kyber crystals) are there and SHIT’S GOING DOWN
Petro in particular is very close to kicking someone’s ass 
Caleb dume is there also.
“Master depa said we should never raise our blades in revenge or anger. But this is not revenge.” this is war, this is justice, this is defense of a defenseless group 
Padme also joins in all of this (but much more calmly)
She also might make some passive aggressive comments about the snooty senators trash outfit 
She and all her senator friends are gonna blacklist the original culprit 
Padme and bail organa (they also got help from many jedi) put in the clone rights bill the next day
In the halls outside the debate chamber, padme threatens to gut people with her hair pins if they don’t vote in her favor
sure, it’s *technically* extortion, but come on, who’s gonna stop her? those pins are pointy y’all
Anakin tried to help draft / present the bill but he spent most of his time ranting about the injustices the clones have to face (leia had to get it from someone)
Anakin, out of breath: “AND ALL YOU SENATORS JUST SIT HERE, DOING NOTHING, WHEN THEY’RE OUT THERE DYING FOR YOU-” 
Padme: “okay ani i got this, drink some water please” 
Ahsoka also jumps in 
Plo, who’s watching the debate: “little ‘soka, please don’t hurt anyone” (but he’s not about to stop her, after all these are his sons we’re talking about) 
If someone said “well they’re not slaves?” anakin would go OFF. if you thought he was angry before… you got another thing coming.
“I AM A FREED SLAVE! I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE! THESE MEN HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN I DID AS A SLAVE!” 
If the public doesn’t know about his childhood before, they do now
Imagine the shock 
Padme: “Ani, deep breaths, it’s gonna be okay.” 
Also padme, to the other senators: “well i mean he’s not wrong you assholes”
Padme is also making very well timed comments and suggestions. It’s the most successful day she’s had since she became senator
She’s also revealing all the senators’ dirty secrets
Padme: “oh, senator so-and-so, i released all your finances and your voting history on the holonet. I’m sure your supporters will love that you’re embezzling funds. Oh, you lost your support? Tragic.” 
The jedi also have dirt on everyone and they just casually let everything slip like they weren’t secrets 
Shady sheev Palpacreep is in his little podium thing during the debate, and he is very pissed, because his plan is getting ruined, but he can’t let it show or else people will discover the truth about him
Anakin: “isn’t it great that we’re finally doing something about it?” 
Sheev, pained: “Of course-” 
This whole debate is still live streamed - and it’s very popular
The senate who made the original comment and started all of this is #cancelled 
This is the greatest thing the galaxy has ever seen / watched because drama 
If a jedi dies, and they aren’t brought back to the temple, they are burned with the other dead on the battlefield. Young padawans take their master’s trinkets in remembrance, wanting to follow their path and have tangible proof that the master passed into the force but that they left their mark in the world
You do not burn the trinkets. Krell tried once. It almost started a jedi civil war (maybe that’s how he gets found out) 
Or maybe krell was found out because he gives zero trinkets to his men, and everyone caught on and were like “hey wtf man” 
But if you wanna make it angsty ( cough cough umbara ) then krell tells the 501st to remove / burn / throw out their trinkets or he’d do it for them 
He gives them an example by slicing a very special one that anakin and ahsoka both gave to rex 
Krell also slices one of dogma’s. It was the only one dogma had because  he was newish to the battalion at the time and wasn’t sure if accepting the trinkets was against regs or not. Krell slashes it and dogma doesn’t say anything but there were tears in his eyes 
All the jedi who find out what happened replace all the trinkets so fast. They also give krell’s men a shit ton of presents.
Krell’s men have no idea what to do with them, but they are so touched a few shed tears when they get them 
The clones get small tattoos of patterns that the little padawans drew for the men
The tattoos are small because some of them *might* just be random squiggles but the padawans looked so happy the clones just had to get them tattooed
Anakin orders japor wood with padme's bank account to make snippets for the clones because it’s not only a jedi thing, it’s from anakin's homeworld - and that’s like the highest praise you can get from him
The clones might not know exactly what it means but they know its super special 
Padme figures out a way to buy japor wood in bulk. Anakin is very touched by this 
When snooty senators start badmouthing clones, yoda just sits there and meditates to drive the senators nuts
“Sitting, i am, because stand you bitches, i cannot” 
Padme gets many trinkets from the 501st because they all *know* about her and anakin
Any trinkets that she gets she likes to incorporate into her outfits (like the warrior fashionista that she is) 
She embroiders some of them into her dresses and hairpieces 
They both get a TON of trinkets when the twins are born
Padme also gives trinkets to the 501st, some of the 212th, and all of the coruscant guard. Especially fox cause she sees all the work he does and the senators he has to deal with 
She’s besties with the coruscant guard. Like yeah, she knows the 501st and they know about her and anakin (and she’s one of them because of it) but the guard is who she’s always with
She probably wore red on debate day to represent them
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munsons-maiden · 2 years
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𝐀 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐎𝐟 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏 
𝐀/𝐍  |  This fanfic is a re-write of Episode 9, and - as a Reylo shipper as well as Kylo Ren girl - it was my way of coping after watching the movie back in 2019. It’s one of the first stories I’ve ever written, and it’s not completed yet (but close to; there are only one or two chapters left) but I’m definitely open to finish it so every kind of feedback would be appreciated. I am no longer writing new stories for Reylo or Star Wars - bear in mind that all the Reylo fanfics you can read on this blog are old ones!
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 |  Rey x Kylo Ren
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 |  11 
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 |  Luke Skywalker is dead - and so is hope in the galaxy, it seems. Despite everything that happened between Rey and Kylo Ren in Snoke’s throne room, and everything that didn’t happen, the strange bond connecting Rey with Leia’s lost son lives on, haunting and taunting her in her weakest moments. How could Rey ever shut her enemy out of her heart if she doesn’t even know how to shut him out of her mind? Does she even want to shut him out - or is the Force Bond to Ben Solo the key to protect the galaxy from the new threat that has risen after Snoke’s violent demise?
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 |  angst with a happy ending, enemies to lovers, slow-burn, eventual smut  
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 |  6 k    
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬   |  angst  
𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡  
𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 🖤
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↢[𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫]
[Commenor]
Chewie navigated them back to Commenor only minutes later. After some discussions whether Ben and Rey should travel to Korriban on their own, the others had agreed to comply and stay on Commenor.
Leia’s death and their rash departure had been only three days ago. The Resistance would need a new leader.
Finn and Rose had been more insistent on accompanying Rey and Ben, but they’d given in at last.
When the Falcon jolted out of hyperspace, they’d set up their plan. Ben and Rey would take Luke’s lightsaber, repair it, and would depart for Korriban in less than a day.
Currently, Ben was a little tense during the flight through the asteroid belt, clutching Rey’s hands.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re a little afraid of asteroids”, Rey jested.
“Let’s say I respect them a little more since my last encounter with them”, Ben told her. But Chewie’s piloting skills really were unique.
“NO!”, Poe’s shout floated out of the cockpit, and Ben looked up, startled.
“What happened?”
“We forgot to leave those damned birds on Ahch-To!”, Poe wailed. “Get off my head!”
Rey had to suppress a laugh as a family of porgs fluttered out of the opened cockpit doors, startled by all the noise Poe was making and Chewie’s amused howls.
The last few hours had been… awkward. Rey’s friends kept staring at Ben and Rey, at their intertwined hands, but none of them had said anything so far.
Ben could feel the tension in the air, as if it was statically charged. Like the air right before a thunderstorm hit. Ben would have to sit through it.
They would be on their way to Korriban in a few more hours. But what then? If they ever returned from the haunted planet of the Sith, how would their life go on? The war with the First Order wouldn’t be over, even if they defeated Plagueis. The ancient dark-sider was just one of their problems to cross form the to-do-list. If they succeeded in defeating him, the First Order would be the next enemy waiting in line to finish them.
It wasn’t his fight. Not anymore. But it was Rey’s fight, and wherever she went, he would follow. She was his home now. Ben would fight beside her, if she wanted to fight. Beside her friends, as well, even if he doubted that Finn and Poe would ever accept him. Tolerate him, maybe, but not accept him or befriend him. He didn’t have the desire to befriend them, anyway, but the hatred directed toward him was not an easy weight to carry. The deeds of his past haunted him in his sleep every night – his father, especially. His father, and all those other nameless lives he’d taken in the years under Snoke’s command.
He’d done the dirty work – but he could have chosen another path a long time ago. There was nobody to blame for his past decisions than himself. Hence, the nightmares.
He was sure that Rey could feel his dread through their Bond every night, maybe she could even see the dreams that were haunting him, his father, falling into the abyss on Starkiller Base, pierced by the red crossguards-saber, night after night. They didn’t talk about it – of course they didn’t, they never were alone on the crowded Falcon, aside from the few silent whispers they shared through the Bond.
“You changed your fate, Ben”, Rey would whisper through their connection, soothing his reeling mind, calming his hammering heart after every single one of those nightmares.
“But I can’t change the past”, he would answer.
“Yes, that’s what you told me all those past months. And you were right. But you changed the future, and your father would be proud.”
“He forgave me. On the bridge, before he fell… he forgave me. I saw it in his eyes.” That’s what hurt the most. Han Solo’s last glance at his treacherous son had been full of love and hope and understanding. Somehow, that was harder to bear than hate.
Rey always felt if something was wrong, and she was always there to soothe him. Ben didn’t know how he’d have been able to make it through all of this without her. But then, without her, he wouldn’t have come back to the light.
“It will be strange”, he now told her through the Force. Rey gave his hand a reassuring squeeze – she knew what he meant. Ben would come back home, just as Leia had wished for with all her heart those past years. But she wouldn’t be there to greet him, to take him into her arms. His mother was gone. The gravity of her death had been blended out by the race against time to find a way of stopping Plagueis before he could regain power. It had been only five days since Rey and Ben’s escape from the First Order and Leia’s death, and the grief had rushed back to him full force, hitting him like a wave and threatening to drown him.
She won’t be there when we arrive, he thought.
Rey lay her head against his chest, sending little sparks through him. Hr hazel eyes had fixed on his, her gaze full of love and understanding.
“I will be right beside you, Ben. I’ll always be. None of us will ever be alone.”
It was a promise in the face of uncertainty. But Ben knew, with all his heart, that they’d both keep it. He raised his hand and gently smoothed out the small line between her eyebrows that she always had when she was in sorrow. It didn’t diminish her beauty, though. Where he was all darkness and shadows, she seemed to radiate sunlight from within. Maybe that’s how she’d looked through the impassiveness he’d worn like another mask to hide his true self away from the world, to conceal the emotions that had always raged beneath the surface.
The last few days since he’d come with her, he felt as if Rey’s light had begun to slowly dissolve those shadows that had crept into his heart, like fog subsiding in the rising morning sun. That’s how it felt to him, anyway. Rey was his sun.  
He gave her a smile, small but sincere.
Chewie’s growl from the cockpit broke the silence that had ruled the Falcon’s interior, and with a relieved glance through the small window beside them, he could see the last few asteroids of the belt floating by, revealing the green, forest-covered surface and the rolling hills of Commenor.
When he’d been here last time, not even two weeks ago, he wouldn’t have dreamed of coming back to the planet with Rey beside him, leaning on to him. He wouldn’t have guessed it would be to join the Resistance, too.
 ***
 [In the caves on Commenor]
Rey knew that there would hardly have been changes in the caves on Commenor in those few days she’d been away, but the normality of the situation they came into was just strange, considering Leia had died. Even to those who hadn’t known her well, she’d been their General. Their leader. Now she was gone, and life in the Resistance base had moved on without her. It felt wrong, Rey thought.
It felt wrong that they had to move on without a proper time of mourning, without a burial – there wasn’t even a body to bury.
“If we stop Plagueis and make it back from Korriban alive”, Rey said as they made their way through the tunnels toward the control room, “we’ll have a real funeral service for Leia.”
“That would be nice”, Ben replied in a brittle voice. It was hard for him to contain the grief washing over him every time he thought about his mother; Rey could see it in his eyes and feel it through their Bond.
“Maybe beside a lake”, he croaked. “She loved lakes. On Chandrila, where I was born… there were lakes everywhere. With water as clear and blue as the sky – you could see right to the ground a few metres below when you were on a boat.”
“That sounds beautiful, Ben. Maybe we could visit Chandrila, one day.”
He didn’t answer. They both felt the darkness closing in on them, the prospect of facing Plagueis. They both knew it was likely there wouldn’t be a time after Korriban, not for the two of them, anyway. Maybe they’d join Leia soon enough, in whatever world his mother had crossed into when she’d become one with the Force.
It was just Finn, Poe, Rey and Ben on their way to the command room – Rose, Chewie and the droids had gone to meet R2-D2 and the other mechanics in the hangar.
“Poe!” The agitated shout disrupted their dark thoughts. A young woman with sand-coloured hair that was wrapped up into two buns on either side of her head, not unlike Leia’s old hairdo, was sprinting towards them, abruptly stopping right in front of Poe. She faltered for a few heartbeats as if she’d wanted to hug him, then decided to awkwardly pat Poe’s shoulder before she turned to face the others. When she finally noticed Ben, her face fell.
“Is this…?”
“Yeah. We don’t have time”, Poe growled, seemingly annoyed by the fact that Ben had stolen the young woman’s attention from him.
“But –“
“It’s okay. He’s joined us”, Rey began to explain in order to ease the sudden tension, but Poe wouldn’t let her.
“What has happened the past few days?” Poe’s voice had gotten a little gentler as he addressed the woman again.
Connix, Rey suddenly remembered. The woman’s name was Cadel Connix, and she’d been with Leia most of the time, as far as Rey could tell. She wondered if Connix and Leia had been close friends.
“Since the General’s death, well… we’ve been holding things together. We’ve continued to repair the ships that are still broken after Crait and to send out more calls for help, but so far, we haven’t gotten any answers. Just as the last time we called for help. The Galaxy has lost their hope for good this time, it seems.”
“Are you sure the signals even came through?”, Finn wanted to know.
“We’ve been sending signals for days on end”, Connix snapped back, the strain of the last days since Leia’s death clearly visible on her delicate features. Her skin was pallid, the circles under her eyes so dark they shone purple in the artificial light. Rey felt a wave of compassion for her.
“Have you been in command?”, Rey asked cautiously, earning her an exasperated nod from the young woman.
“Did Leia leave behind a message or something? Did she choose a successor?”
“Yes”, Connix answered and turned to face Poe again. “She chose you, Poe. You’re the new General of the Resistance.”
Poe seemed too stunned to answer. The expression on his face was a display of pure grief. Rey knew he’d dreamed of leading the Resistance one day, but with his old friend Leia still at his side to guide him and put him in his place if necessary.
Now, leadership was just another burden to carry without their dear General Leia Organa. Many of the Resistance’s older members had known Leia since she’d still been a princess, long before she’d become General.
Most of them had died on Crait or on the way to the salt planet – General Ackbar, Admiral Holdo…
Poe seemed to have the same thought.
“It doesn’t matter, anyway”, he told Connix. “Without Leia, the fight is already lost. She was the symbol of the Resistance; we don’t stand a chance without her.”
Finn patted Poe’s shoulder, while Rey gently squeezed Ben’s hand, whose gaze was locked firmly on the ground to his feet.
“Well, someone answered Leia’s call for help. An old friend. He arrived shortly after the General…” Connix trailed off.
Before anyone could reply, a voice called out through the corridor and the group turned toward the intruder. A look of horror crossed Ben’s features as he recognized the man’s voice – and his face.
He was much older than the last time Ben had seen him – it must have been ten years, at least. His clothing was still extravagant, he’d gained weight and his once black hair had turned grey. But it was him, his eyes still twinkled with mischief.
“Stars! Is that the new General of the –“
The man froze mid-sentence as his gaze finally met Ben’s and recognition crossed his wrinkled features; at the same time, Ben got very still, his grip on Rey’s hand tightening.
“Ben”, the old man finally gasped out, then seemed to regain his composure, and started making his way towards them in huge strides, his yellow cape billowing behind him.
“Don’t you recognize your old unca Wanwo?”, the old man jested, the gaze from his eyes full of joy to see Ben. He pulled Ben into a bear hug, which forced Ben to let go of Rey’s hand.
The old man finally pulled away, holding Ben at arm’s length, both hands firmly on his shoulders as he scrutinized him.
“You look so much like your mother, Ben. I was so sorry as I heard of her passing.”
Ben just gulped and nodded.
“Excuse me, I don’t want to be rude, but… who are you?”, Rey finally asked the old man who let out a thundering laugh.
“Is that your girl?”, he asked Ben with a wink, then faced Rey and greeted her with a small bow and another wink.
“I’m Lando Calrissian”, he introduced himself. “I’m an old friend of Han and Leia.”
“An old friend of Leia?” Poe had recovered from his surprise and now glared at Lando as if he tried to force-choke the old man. “Tell me, if you’re an old friend of Leia, where were you all the time? Where were you when she called out for help on Crait when the First Order was in the process of slaughtering us?!”
“That’s what I’ve been asking myself, as well”, Finn admitted with a small nod in Lando’s direction.
“I can see why Leia made you her successor. You’re fierce. I bet you’re a brilliant leader. What’s your name?”
“General Dameron”, Poe sneered, still fuming with rage.
Lando bowed anew, throwing an amused glance at Poe, seemingly undeterred by the display of distrust he was met with. He had the unfazed charisma of a man who was walking through life with a smile on his face, mischief in his mind, and his heart in the right place and who knew exactly how to use his charms. Rey couldn’t decide if she liked him, but he reminded her a little of Han Solo, which made it difficult to dislike him. She could imagine Lando, Han and Leia in their youth. They had saved the Galaxy once. Now, Lando Calrissian was the only one left of the old heroes, and Rey hoped he’d come to aid them and guide them in their impossible burden to restore peace in the Galaxy.
But from all she knew of him, Lando Calrissian had left his old friend Leia behind.
“A real friend would’ve come to help Leia when she needed him to. Why didn’t you?”, Rey wanted to know, barely able to restrain the anger in her voice.
“You’re pretty and fierce”, Lando commented, “Han would’ve loved you as his daughter-in-law.”
This time, Rey and Ben both blushed.
“You didn’t answer my question”, she told Lando, holding his gaze without returning his friendly smile.
Finally, his happy stance faltered, and he suddenly looked very tired.
“I didn’t receive the call for help. I was on a quest for smuggling goods in the Outer Rim, to be quite honest. But I received Leia’s latest call for help and found out about the Battle on Crait when I returned a few days ago. I was shocked, of course, and immediately came here to help my dear friend. But when I arrived, it was already too late to even say my farewell.”
Ben finally composed himself and took the word. “Then you can help us, now. We’re here to warn the Resistance and everyone who’s ready to fight beside us. There’s not much time to explain – Darth Plagueis has returned from the dead, and the First Order has found a new leader who is as unscrupulous and evil as Snoke has been. Rey and I are on our way to stop Plagueis, but even if we succeed, the First Order’s reign of terror will continue.”
“Well, my dear boy”, Lando told him, “I know how to destroy an empire. Been there, done that. You can count on my help – I promise. This time, I’ll be there.”
“Great”, Poe quipped sarcastically, “Go on, tell us the secret how the great Lando Calrissian destroyed Vader’s empire on his own.”
Lando gave him another wink, and Rey saw how Poe’s anger amused the old smuggler. She had to suppress a smile and noticed that Connix grinned, too.
“I will, General. But at first, I think a certain droid would like to talk to Ben.”
“We don’t have the time”, Ben reminded him. “We’re here to grab a new ship and a functioning lightsaber for Rey before we face Plagueis.”
“As impatient as your father”, Lando chided. “But trust me, Ben, you need to speak to Threepio first.”
“What does Threepio have to do with it?”, Rey wanted to know, but Lando only shrugged and turned to walk in the direction of the hangar.
 ***
 As he followed Lando Calrissian through the tunnels to meet Threepio, Ben wondered what the droid had to tell them that could be important enough to delay their departure to Korriban, and why Threepio didn’t tell him when they had had enough time aboard the Falcon.
The droid had always been a little extra, but this was a whole new level of strangeness, even for Threepio.
Rey had taken to her quarters to gather the old – and still broken – Skywalker-lightsaber and would meet him in the hangar as soon as his meeting with Threepio was over.
“Master Ben!”, the droid chimed happily as he entered the small compartment Lando had lead him to. It was an empty quarter, with a bunkbed and nothing more inside – apart from Threepio, who bounced on his feet nervously. It was strange to see him this agitated. Usually, Threepio was too composed – and too worried – to show any positive, happy emotions. Ben remembered that, as a kid, he found the droid’s pessimism a little unnerving. One thing that hadn’t changed over the years, though now Ben could at least understand the pessimism.
“You didn’t bring me here to assassinate me, did you?”, Ben asked, only half joking.
“See for yourself”, Lando just told him with a warm smile and turned to leave, before he seemed to remember something and stopped. “Ben?”
Ben looked back at the man he’d once called uncle. Or unca, rather.
“It’s good to see you back on the light side. Your parents would have been proud. I mean, I’m sure they are, wherever they are now. They loved you very much. I know that they always regretted sending you away to become a Jedi. Leia told me, once.”
Ben nodded, the lump that had formed in his throat at Lando’s kind words was preventing him from answering.
Then, he stepped into the compartment towards the waiting droid, ducking his head a little as he passed the low doorway.
“Please sit down, Master Ben”, Threepio told him.
“Okay, now I’m really starting to get nervous. You don’t have any weapons with you, do you? Because I don’t.”
As soon as he’d sat down on the cot, Threepio placed something in Ben’s lap. It was a chest the size of a holo-pad, its polished wooden surface reflecting the artificial light from the wall panels.
“What’s this?”, Ben asked. The chest was beautiful. The wood it was made of was smooth as silk and an intricate pattern of small flowers was carved into the sides.
“It was your mother’s”, Threepio explained reverently, his glowing eyes firmly focused on Ben’s face. “She wanted you to have it. From the day you had turned to the Dark Side, she always told me that you’d find your way back to the light, to her and Han. And she always said that, when the day had come, she would give you that chest. She isn’t able to gift it to you, so I decided I should hand it over to you, in her name. I’m sure it’s what she would have wanted.”
Ben gulped.
“Do you know what’s inside?”
“I’m afraid not. She never told me, and she never opened it in my company. Or in any company, I think.”  
“Okay”, Ben croaked, his hand caressing the box’s lid. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for whatever was inside.
“Won’t you open it?”, Threepio wondered.
Ben took a steadying breath, then unfastened the small golden clasp on the chest’s side and slowly opened the lid. As he peered inside, he froze.
He had expected a letter, or documents of some kind, but not… a lightsaber. But the thing inside clearly was a lightsaber. The hilt was polished metal with delicate lines tracing it. It was a simple, single-bladed design.
Should he take the lightsaber? Whose lightsaber was it? He couldn’t remember if his mother even ever held a lightsaber, much less use one. It couldn’t be hers, could it?
Carefully, as if he would lift a small bird, he took the saber in his hands, the metal soothing and cool on his skin. It seemed to stir in his hands, the Force was whirling around him in small currents as if it approved his hold on the saber. It was much lighter in his grip than his old crossguards-saber.
Inside the chest, there was a piece of paper tucked neatly into the red velvet that lined the inside of the chest. It had been covered by the saber. As his gaze fell onto it, Ben knew what it was: the letter he’d expected to find – had hoped to find.
As he unfolded the yellowed page, he immediately recognized his mother’s fine, curved handwriting.
He wasn’t sure if he was ready to read it, but he hadn’t been sure if he’d been ready to open the wooden chest, either.
With trembling hands, Ben began to read.
My dear Ben,
If you’re reading this, you’ve found your way back home, and I most certainly won’t be there to finally tell you how much I’ve missed you. I’m writing these words because I have been feeling my strength slowly fading for a while now. Since the battle on Crait, I’ve always contemplated if I should reach out for you, but I was always scared of what I would find if I did.
I love you, Ben, more than anything. Maybe you have asked yourself in the past if we loved you enough, even if we sent you away to train with Luke all those years ago. I’m sorry that we did. I’m your mother, Ben, and I always felt your struggle with the darkness, even before your birth. I know now that you thought we were afraid of you, but we never were – we were afraid for you, and we thought Luke would be able to help you.
The lightsaber in the chest is mine; Luke had trained me when we were younger – I was his first padawan – and I built the saber myself. You will need a new one now that you’re back home, and I would be honoured if you took it, in the hope that it will protect you and light your way when I’m not able to, anymore.
I wish I could have taken you into my arms one last time, but I’m sure we will see each other again – after you’ve lived a long and happy life, full of love and light.
Until then, farewell. And remember that I love you, and I always have – no matter what.
Your mother
 The last sentences were hard to read through the veil of tears that clouded Ben’s vision. His mother’s lightsaber. He gently took the hilt in his hand, admiring it. I was calling to him like Luke’s and Anakin’s old lightsaber never had, like an old friend.
He was ready to take it. Ben pressed the button on the side of the hilt to ignite it. The familiar buzzing sound filled the room, accompanied by the soft glow of the blade. It was white. Ben had never seen a white lightsaber before; they were extremely rare. He’d once known how exactly a white lightsaber could be built, but he couldn’t remember the details of the process, only that it had to do with a purifying process.
With tears still flowing over his cheeks and his mother’s ignited lightsaber in his hands, Ben could feel his mother’s presence in the small room. He was sure she could see him; he wanted to believe in that with all his heart.
“I won’t disappoint you, mother”, he promised.
“You wouldn’t, Master Ben”, Threepio chimed in from his corner, and Ben started; he’d completely forgotten the droid, who had been unusually silent. “Though it’s likely you and Miss Rey won’t return from your journey.”
Yes, there it was, the good old pessimism.
“Thank you very much, Threepio”, Ben croaked, his voice raw with emotion.
“For what, Master Ben?”
“That you kept the chest for my mother. And that you gave it to me. And for the mention of my oncoming death, of course”, he added drily to dissolve some of the emotion that still churned in his chest. He needed to focus on the path ahead. With his mother’s lightsaber, for the first time, he felt a glimmer of hope spark in his heart that he and Rey could beat Plagueis, and live to tell the tale.
 ***
 When Ben entered the hangar to meet Rey, she stared at him with furrowed brows, before her gaze travelled to the lightsaber in his hands.
“Where did you get this?”
Ben gently passed her his mother’s letter, and as she’d read it, there were tears in her eyes, too.
“Oh, Ben.” She gently took his hand, “I never knew Leia had trained to be a Jedi.”
“She was always more the politician than the warrior”, Ben told her.
“By the way, what about Luke’s saber?”
Rey held up her other hand, to show him the two halves; the cracked kyber crystal in its centre glimmered softly in the light.
“I still don’t know how to repair it”, she said softly. “But obviously, you do.”
“I have an idea, at least”, Ben told her and gently twirled a lose strand of her chestnut hair around his finger.
“We’ll figure it out on the way”, he suggested.
Before Rey could answer, a loud boom echoed through the hangar, the ground shook beneath their feet.
“WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!”, someone shouted, and another round of thunder shook the cave’s walls.
“That can’t be”, Rey gasped, her eyes wide with terror.
A siren began to wail, barely able to cover the thunder of cannon fire.
Finn and Rose came running toward them, their faces contorted in panic, as well.
“They followed us”, Finn gasped as they’d reached them, trying to catch his breath. “The First Order is here. The whole fleet. I saw it on the radar; there are at least a hundred Stardestroyer, right above our heads.”
“We need to evacuate!”, Rose shouted in order to be heard above the chaos of the attack. All around them, pilots in their white and orange flight uniforms were sprinting towards their ships – the few ones that were still working after Crait.
“We need to fight”, Finn said. “We can’t always run!”
They all knew that this time, there was no way out. It was fight or die. The First Order would have placed troops in front of every single entrance to the caves; they’d bury them alive in tons of stone and slaughter those who tried to escape.
“But there is nothing left to fight!”, Rey told him with a glance around. “How could they find us? Do you think they followed us?”
“Hux”, Ben growled, clenching the hilt of his mother’s lightsaber a little tighter.
“Rey, Ben, you need to get away. Now!”, Rose yelled.
“You’re right”, Ben said softly, taking Rey’s free hand in his. Her other hand still clutched the broken lightsaber.
“Ben, they are my friends. I can’t leave them!”
Finn took a step towards Rey and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You must. We’ll manage.”
Ben knew that was a lie. The Resistance had been dramatically decimated; there was only a bunch of pilots and fighters left. He had done that – or at least, helped to do it, he realized. But he had to push those thoughts to the back on his mind and focus on how to help.
“Is that all that’s left?”, he asked with a gaze through the hangar and the chaos all around them.
They all nodded. Not even Finn tried to blame him.
“And you already called out for help? To the whole Galaxy?”
Again, nodding.
“Nobody came”, Rose whispered – Ben could only guess her words; the thundering attack and the wailing of the alarms were deafening.
“Your mother sent the first call for help… on Crait”, Rey admitted. “Nobody came for help then, and nobody will come, now. The Resistance is alone.”
“Poe already ordered evacuation”, Finn shouted over the noise.
“They’re giving up the base? But there’s nowhere left to go!”, Rey protested.
Ben spun around and took her face in his hands. “Okay, listen to me. We need to go, there’s no time to lose. But I have an idea. I don’t know how it works, but it’s worth a try.”
“What plan?”, Finn shouted suspiciously, but Ben had already turned.
“You need to trust him, Finn”, Rey said. “Please. For me. For the Resistance. He’s on our side.”
Finn stared at her. “You know I don’t. That’s not how trust works. But… I’ll try, okay?”
Rey pulled him into a hug. “Thank you”, she whispered into his ear. Then, she pulled away, glanced at Ben, and nodded.
They will trust you, Rey told Ben through their Bond.
“Follow me!”, he yelled, and the four of them sprinted towards the control room.
 ***
 The chaos in the hangar hadn’t stopped in the control room, but the evacuation here had already begun and only a handful of Resistance fighters were left in front of the holos. Poe was standing among them, his face serious, his stance one of a leader.
There were no wailing sirens here – just an eerie calm. Which was much worse, Rey thought.
“What are you doing here?!”, Poe shouted at them. “We’re evacuating! You need to get to one of the shuttles!”
“No”, Ben told him, and Poe’s face contorted in anger.
“You’re not giving the commands!”
“I want to help”, Ben countered.
“You are the reason why we’re in this situation! You decimated our fleet! You killed our people!”, Poe shouted, pointing at Ben with fire in his eyes. “Don’t you think that’s enough help?!”
“STOP IT! Stop it NOW!”, Rey shouted and made a step forward, placing herself in front of Ben, whose face remained impassive at Poe’s tantrum; but Rey could feel the shame and rage churning through the Bond.
“Poe, you need to listen to Ben! You’re General now, and if you’re half the leader Leia was, you kriffing LISTEN to what Ben has to say!”
Poe gaped at her. Everyone in the command room gaped at her, which Ben took as his chance.
“If we don’t act now, none of us will survive this, trust me. I know the First Order better than any of you, and they’ve learned their part after Crait. Yes, I lead them, but I can’t change my past. But I can help change the future, if you let me. Dameron, you’re the General now, and I trust my mother’s decisions, even the questionable ones like making you General. So if I can deal with you – and trust me, I’d love to punch you in your self-righteous face – you can deal with me as well.”
Poe followed Ben’s gaze, taking in the chaos and the panic of his last remaining friends and soldiers. Finally, and very slowly, he nodded his head. Rey exhaled; she hadn’t even noticed she’d been holding her breath.
“What’s the plan, then?”, Poe wanted to know. Ben took a step forward.
“I need a comm-device with the widest range, to reach even the furthest parts of the Galaxy. And I need Lando Calrissian. Now. Because if we don’t act now, none of us will survive this.”
“Do it, Poe”, Rey told him vigorously. “We don’t have any more time.”
Poe seemed as if he wanted to say something, then just turned and shouted, “COMM! And can somebody bring in Calrissian?”
That was pretty fierce, Ben told her through the Force. And pretty terrifying. Maybe you could just shout at Plagueis; that’ll do the job. And I always thought I could throw amazing tantrums.
 ***
 Not even five minutes later, Ben and Lando were sitting in front of the comm-device with Rey, Poe, Finn and Rose right behind them, suspiciously observing their every move. All around them, Resistance fighters of all ranks had laid down their work and stared at Ben and Lando. Rey knew they noticed Ben, but until now, no one had said another word. They would, eventually, if they ever get out of those caves alive.
“I don’t think it’ll work”, Lando remarked. “Like, at all.”
“It won’t”, Poe joined in. “It didn’t work the last dozen times and it won’t work now just because you’re Leia’s son. All we’re achieving here is wasting more time.”
“It’s worth a try”, Rey chided, and they all fell silent again.
“Okay then, boy”, Lando finally said. The ground still shook from the bolts of a hundred Stardestroyers firing at their hideout. The evacuation was still in process; but there wasn’t really a place to hide anymore. They were surrounded – again.
“It’s ironic”, Finn muttered. “We managed to escape from a cave on Crait where the First Order had surrounded us, just to end up in another cave, surrounded and being fired at again.”
Rey and Rose simultaneously shushed him.
“If this doesn’t work, we’re dead, anyway. There are not enough of us left to fight. Even if someone hears our call for help and decides to come to the rescue, there won’t be enough fighters to take on the whole First Order fleet”, Poe stated. They all knew it; every single Resistance fighter knew it.
Ben pressed the button of the comm and began to talk.
“This is Ben Solo speaking. I’m…” He trailed off, throwing Rey an uncertain glance. She reached out and took his hand gently in both of hers, her hazel eyes full of love. You can do it, she told him. Ben took a deep, shaky breath and continued.
“I’m the son of General Leia Organa and Han Solo. Many may have known me as Kylo Ren. But I’m with the Resistance now. My mother is dead” – his voice broke a little at these words – “I know that most of you have lost all their hope. But the Resistance – the brave people who’ve fought for freedom, for the whole Galaxy for so long – they won’t make it without any help. They need you. It doesn’t matter where you were born or how much you possess. Every single one of you can help spark the fire again, the fire my mother has fought so hard to keep alive. I know the First Order, and I know what they’re capable of. But they are not invincible, and it’s not too late to help. Don’t do it for me, but do it for my mother, for yourselves, for your loved ones. Don’t let them continue in taking your families and freedom away. We can’t win this fight without you.”
Ben lifted his hand from the comm-button.
“You remind me so much of them, you know”, Lando said, his hand resting on Ben’s shoulder. “Your mum would be so proud of you, Ben.”
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lucky-sevens · 4 years
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mechanisms fanfiction recommendations
this began as a compilation of my own works for my about, but i decided to recommend some others as well!
i have kept this list to 20 of other people’s + all of my own, because i have a lot of mechanisms fanfiction saved and didn’t want to go overboard! in addition, i’ve made sure that everyone i draw from is a different author, vs. several by the same person, for the sake of variation and giving more people a spotlight! i’ve also made sure everything is complete, which sadly means i’ve left out a few of my favorite longfics. i’ve also tried to have a decent balance of album-focused things vs crew-focused things.
a note; i’ve tried to have a variety (of both genre and length), but my tastes skew towards angst and longer oneshots, so that’ll be a lot of that sort of thing. (please mind the tags on some of these fics!) this is also all sfw, as i’m a minor, but it’s not all gen.
edit: i copy-pasted the summary from each of these works over to this post!
no matter what you do it won’t go away by AssyEr
Brian coming to terms with being made of metal.
Hatter and Hare Top 5 Gay Moments!! [NOT CLICKBAIT!!!] by shella688
Majors Hatter and Hare grinned at each other as they shook hands.
Then, all of a sudden, the grins faltered slightly as a realisation went through both their heads.
Oh no, the realisation went. He's cute.
Date Night: New Midgardian Prison Edition by OnceAndFloral
The Mechs cordially invite Lyfrassir to date night in their prison cell. And by "cordially invite" I mean "orchestrate an elaborate scheme".
eternity will see her dead by Garecc
Rose Reds are made to die, and eternity will see them dead, sent off to another bitter end.
cold as numbers by alderations
Ivy starts at the beginning.
Every morning, Ivy starts at the beginning. Rubbing alcohol, scalpel blades, sensations that should be twisting and cutting and crushing, if the words could coalesce into feelings. A subdued voice, a cool hand on her forehead. She is Ivy Alexandria. She starts at the beginning.
beat inside your heart by zinabug
Jonny and Nastya sibling oneshots part two. (Note from @lucky-sevens- they all function on their own.)
And Sew by fracnkie
The benefits of teaching your Toy Soldier to do the following: sew, do makeup, how to cure a sore throat, and how to shoot a plasma blaster.
Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust by CloudDreamer
It was the two of them against the world. But then the two of them against each other, and that seemed so much harder than fighting all the worlds combined.
Wayfarers by Oblivion_Wanderer
Nastya and Lyf meet in the cold of space; Nastya adrift after leaving the Mechanisms and Lyf fleeing from the destruction of the Yggdrasil system. Each feeling lost in their own way, they decide to travel together.
No Heart To Break by meteornight
The Toy Soldier was not real. It could never be real, not if it had any say in the matter. The widow had said that the toy was real, that it had once been a real man with a real heart. The toy knew that was a lie, for if it was a man, why would she treat it like a toy?
is it piety is it purity is it virtue by consumptive_sphinx
“Percy’s blunt, not stupid,“ Mordred says when Kay asks why they’re even friends, “and anyway she’s great, she never calculates anything, she just says stuff and makes everyone else deal with it. I could never be brave enough.”
This is because Mordred absolutely does calculate every word that comes out of his mouth, except sometimes when it’s two in the morning and everyone except him and Galahad and Percival has gone to sleep and he can argue as passionately in favor of peace as he wants with the only two people who won’t call him a traitor for it, and while he doesn’t not appreciate this trait of Percival’s, like hell is he going to admit to his real reason.
orpheus, the soldier, and the short-billed dowitchers by alexsandr
orpheus finds rest with an unexpected friend.
No Violins Allowed by Alienea
Lyf had been having a very peaceful and fulfilling few decades, at least in terms of work fulfillment and being able to afford to bail out of the system at the very first moment anything happened.
So of course that was when the Mechanisms appeared over the horizon.
Labyrinthine by DuskDragon39
Your story is a labyrinth.
Your story is built along wandering lines and windings so vague that you, its architect, cannot trace your way out. It is your scream at its center, your pain that fuels it.
(Or: Daedalus and the stories they tell about him.)
Baking With Goggles (Safety First!) by eminorseven
Marius tries to justify bringing Jonny and Tim to the kitchen. Brian daydreams. Jonny stabs many walnuts. Tim gets locked out and explodes things.
Typical baking stuff.
Surprising Salvage by OddmentsAndTweaks
A normal boring morning is made infinitely more exciting by the prospect of a ship boarding. The Mechanisms prepare for chaos and murder and some really good violence. What they get is one very defiantly defended ruined vessel and a morning no one expected at all.
I wanna stay here with you by SnailArmy 
Loki and Sigyn get to be wives, in stolen moments. 
As It Was by i_am_made_of_memoriies
Jonny walked down the corridor, his steps burdened by an invisible force. His face was passive, and where there was usually manic glee, there was only a hint of curiosity–someone was trying to enter through the airlocks, and he was going to kill them.
Nastya returns to the ship formerly known as the Aurora to find the mechanisms at the end of their time.
burned out from a joyride by spiralingcosmos
ashes has a nightmare; as a result, they make a new friend.
In Which Nastya Is The Narrator Of The Deaths by nonbinary_frog
(Note from @lucky-sevens: There is no summary included, but I feel like the title works well enough.)
---
my heart in your hands
How Jonny d'Ville's mechanization came about.
i’ve got a map of your eyes (but i’ve never seen your face)
That’s not the real Rose. All the memories and feelings were merely planted in her head.”
 “Very true.”
 “And given the effective age difference, it’s unlikely they’ll have much of a life together, not to mention the massive amount of trauma they’ve both endured.”
 “Absolutely.”
 “Not only that, but everyone else they’ve ever known or loved is dead and they’re trapped on a planet full of corpses in a vast interstellar empire that is going to suffer the most horrendous power vacuum and associated bloodshed the galaxy has ever seen. Oh, and they’re both known war criminals and will likely be on the run for the rest of their lives.”
“Like I said. I love a happy ending.”
-Ever After
the death of a phoenix
You are Ashes O'Reilly, and you are twenty-three, and you are dying.
an exercise in futility
Post-Lashings.
ballast
The Aurora doesn't have a daemon, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a soul.
marching ever through the black
Whoever’s uniform you wear No loyalties to hold or share No burning hate, no bitter fear No heart to break, so shed no tear
TMA Is The Mechanisms’ Podcast (series)
The Magnus Archives is a podcast distributed by the Mechanisms, a crew of immortal space pirates roaming through the galaxy having fun, violence, violence, and violence. They have an inane distaste for laws, and so refuse to put their podcast under any kind of copyright law whatsoever. Today's episode was cowritten by Ivy Alexandria and Nastya Rasputina and performed by Jonny d'Ville. It was produced by the SS Aurora and directed by Jonny d'Ville- well, no, but sometimes he wants to be in charge of things and the other Mechanisms don't find it worth arguing about. To comment on episodes, make donations, and view links, images, and show notes, simply throw yourself into space and the Mechanisms may or may not find you. Probably best if they don't. Thank you for listening, though why you choose to spend your time like this is beyond the Blogbot's understanding.
thank you for reading! i’d highly suggest trying these!
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Breathe ~ the Doctor (part 2)
A/n: I’ll just be going by episode now, so there might be quite a bit of overlapping show dialogue. Side note! Song suggestion for this series 1: “Not ALone” by Starkid!
Word Count: 10,000+
Warning: Blood, violence, minor PTSD, heavy emotions, Doctor Who drama (disease, death, dehumanizing clones, human experimentation, possession)
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"Where's Rose?" The Doctor asked as Y/n entered the TARDIS alone.
"Taking her time," Y/n joked in response. "Saying goodbye to Mickey and Jackie." The Doctor nodded as Y/n moved to his side, dropping his small bag of things in the corner. "You should teach me how to drive the TARDIS."
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
Y/n nodded. "I mean, if we're going to be stuck together for... ever." He released a heavy breath and the Doctor snorted softly in amusement. "Seriously though. If I'm stuck with you forever, I think I ought to pick up a few useful things. Starting with driving the TARDIS."
Looking away was obviously an attempt to hide his smile, but he failed. Y/n could hear it in his voice when he spoke. "Okay, I'll teach you then."
Before Y/n could respond, Rose came in. "So, where we headed off to now?"
At that the Doctor changed moods, focusing on the blonde and allowing his shy smile to turn to a grin. "Further than we've ever gone before." He didn't lie. When they landed and exited the TARDIS, both Rose and Y/n were shocked at what they saw. The Doctor took his cue to explain. "It's the year five billion and twenty-three, we're in the galaxy N-87, and this! This is new Earth." He looked around, squinting in the sunlight. Even making that face, he was handsome. This regeneration fit the Doctor well. Y/n couldn't lie about that.
"It's just..." Rose mumbled. "That's just-" Her laughter cut her off.
"Insane," Y/n finished. "Like in the movies of the future. Things that have only been imagined, where we're from." Y/n's breath had been taken away. "It's beautiful."
"Not bad," the Doctor agreed. "Not bad at all."
Rose shook her head, running her hands through her hair to push it out of her face. "That's amazing!" She looped her free arm with Y/n's. "I'll never get used to this. You?"
"I hope not," Y/n sighed contentedly. He was glad to be back in the TARDIS. Back with Rose and the Doctor. He was glad to be away from an Earth that had mostly just hurt him, staring at a magnificent future full of promise and success.
That seemed to ring true with Rose. "I never will, it seems." She let go of Y/n's arm, jumping up and down to state next, "Different ground beneath my feet." She stopped, eyes rising to the clouds. "Different sky." She looked at the Doctor next. "What's that smell?"
The Doctor leaned down to pull grass up, holding it out for the other two to smell. "Apple grass."
"Apple grass," Rose said, her tone mocking normality, as if the idea of apple grass wasn't totally bizarre. What the hell was apple GRASS? Could you eat it, or was it just a smell? Who knew. Y/n laughed at himself as Rose hummed, "It's beautiful." She beamed at the Doctor and Y/n looked over to see her take the Doctor's arm. The Timelord looked down at her and Y/n smiled. They were sweet together. He hoped this little group of theirs lasted a very long time. "Can I just say," Rose began. "Traveling with you. I love it."
There was something in the way she said that. Something that made Y/n cough to cover a laugh. Had he been that obvious? Surely not. "Me too," the Doctor responded brightly. He dropped his arm to take her hand, reaching over with his other hand to grab Y/n's as well. "Come on!" He pulled them into a jog toward a stretch of grass where they all lay out and enjoyed the scenery before them. "So the year five billion, the sun expands, the world gets roasted," The Doctor began.
"That was our first date," Rose joked.
“Not the best,” Y/n piped up.
Rose giggled at that. "I think I preferred the Daleks to Cassandra." Y/n laughed at the memory of the stretched skin parading as the last human, even if it wasn’t as much a bitter memory for Y/n was if was for Rose. “How ridiculous."
"I like to remember it, actually. It was what started it all. What began this whole thing. We even had chips." The trio laughed and reminisced for a second. Long enough for Y/n to see the longing look Rose shot the Doctor. It set off a determination in Y/n. If there was limited time for things to happen between them, Y/n wasn't going to sit back and let them waste it. "Anyway," the Doctor continued before Y/n could come up with anything. "Planet gone, all rocks and dust, but the human race lives on, spreads out across the stars. As soon as the Earth burns up, oh, they get all nostalgic," the Doctor sasses. Y/n's smile falls. "Big revival movement. They find this place." He sat up then. "Same size as the Earth, same air, same orbit, lovely. The call goes out, the humans move in."
The Doctor's words got softer and softer as Y/n zoned out, accidentally ignoring the conversation in favor of remembering something.
There was a weight, in my chest. Not... MY chest, but his chest. A weight that was setting into my body, this body, making everything heavy as well. That heaviness came with darkness, and both seemed to be sinking into his skin.
Screams. The memory of the screams were so fresh and new. They were so bright and painful. Compared to them, and the blood, and the death and loss, the heaviness and darkness was almost a relief.
I see a hand. My hand. His hand. I see it reach out and touch the TARDIS. She's making the sound that has always been her sound, but it's new to these ears. The first time he is hearing it. "Guess this means you're just like me. Last of your kind."
God it hurts even more. That hand moves from the TARDIS, over his heart. My heart. Our heart. I know it's not me, this is not my memory. This isn't happening now. I know this isn't something I experienced, and yet it feels so personal and real. A memory I should not have. An experience that is so clear in my mind, even though it shouldn't exist at all. Scenes of the same story, cut into bits that don't make sense - all that hurt that burns and drags and rips apart. That first night running away, and the many nights afterward. The nights alone. The nights with no one but the TARDIS. I know all of that, but I do not know who I am. It's confusing and it hurts and I can't stand it. I can't stand it! I CAN'T STAND IT!
"Y/n?"
"What?" Even Y/n knows there's something wrong when he speaks. He can hear it even in his own voice. He can hear his voice shake. His voice. He looks down and wiggles his fingers. His fingers. This is the present. The here and now. This is real. This happened to Y/n, of Earth.
Rose reaches out a hand, resting it on Y/n's shoulders. Her face is wrought with concern. "What's wrong?"
How is he supposed to answer that? With the truth? ...I suppose that's all he had. "Sorry, I just find myself a tad distracted today. What did I miss?" A small lie seemed to be nicer. Things had only started to get good, and Y/n didn't know what he'd do if things went south now. After all, how would the Doctor react to all of this? Probably not well.
The Doctor seemed to sense something, but didn't press as Y/n was obviously not in the mindset to talk about it. So he moved on. "Rose mentioned how she wanted to go to the city, but I think we should go there first." They all stood, turning to face a tall, silver building with a giant symbol on the side.
"And what's there?" Y/n asked.
The trio began to stand as Rose responded. "He says it's some sort of hospital."
"Well, you see that green moon on the side?" He motioned to the symbol, which was indeed what he said it was. "That's the universal sign for hospitals." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "I got this. A message on the psychic paper." He opened the thing to reveal words, moving as they wrote and rewrote themselves on repeat. "Someone wants to see me."
"Ah," Rose hummed. "And I thought we were just sight seeing."
Y/n scoffed, his smile growing. Things felt good again, the bad feelings from the memory before fading away now in the light of a new planet with endless possibilities. "Since when have we gone anywhere just sight for seeing?"
At that Rose's smile turned to a grin. "Fair enough." She sighed, getting excited. "Come on then, let's go and buy some grapes.” Her arm looped through the Doctor's first and then Y/n's and the trio walked like that to the hospital to see who was calling the Doctor. They got nearly all the way there on small talk and unimportant things before someone made a real comment.
"You know," the Doctor mumbled, as if he meant the other two not to hear it, even as he looked at them. "I've never liked hospitals." His tone was low and clearly uncomfortable.
"Is that so?" Y/n laughed, rolling his eyes.
"What?" the Doctor asked, his lips parting as his lips curved upward. Y/n's laugh had always been rather contagious to him, but more so recently.
Rose softly chuckled a second before responding, "Just... bit rich, coming from you."
"I can't help it," the Doctor remarked. "I don't like hospitals. They give me the creeps."
Y/n and Rose laughed but let it go in favor of looking at their surroundings. It was then that Rose dropped the arms of the two men she'd been holding onto until this point, wandering a bit to see as much as she could from every angle available to her. "Very smart," She complimented, just to follow up with, "Not exactly NHS is it?"
"No shop," the Doctor noticed. "I like the little shop." Y/n stayed quiet as he usually did, leaving the remarking to the other two as he took things in. He was never as snarky as the Doctor, or as amazed by things as Rose. Y/n had gotten good at expecting everything. Even if he found himself enjoying how things were and what he was learning, he was rarely stunned and often more thrilled. He didn't want to point and act like some tourist or child though, so he kept his thoughts to himself and soaked in as much as he could. After a second, the Doctor moved closer to him. "Like it?"
"Love it," Y/n responded, trying to contain his enthusiasm. "A place of healing and help. Somewhere things are clean and people are happy." He paused, seeing the Doctor's expression go sour. "Now you listen to me, Doctor. I know that not all patients get saved and not all hospitals work. I know how hard it is afterward too, when you have to pay for your care. But... I like the idea that... some people survive. The work done here matters. It makes a difference, you know?" He released a short breath. "You know, I wanted to be a Doctor when I was a kid. And then..." His smile dropped and the Doctor remembered what Rose had told him what seemed ages ago, about Y/n's parents. "Had a lot of school to catch up on. Didn't have time, I guess. Did bad in school enough without having missed it for a decade straight, give or take."
Rose was the one who changed the subject. "Okay but I thought, in the future, they would have cured everything.”
Taking the opening, the Doctor launched into an explanation. Y/n slipped his hands in his pockets and kept his mouth shut this time. "The human race moves on, but so do the viruses. It's an ongoing war."
A woman in a long dress passed, and only when Rose locked eyes with her and seemed to go dumb did Y/n looked closer and realize the woman... "They're cats," Rose mumbled, eyes wide.
"Now don't stare," the Doctor scolded. "Think what you look like to them, all pink and yellow." He did a once over of Rose, his eyes falling down her body then popping back up. His gaze suddenly shot away, locking with Y/n’s in time to see his huge smirk after having picked up on the moment. Suddenly flustered, the Doctor was quick to add, "That's where I'd put the shop!" He pointed to an empty bit of space on a wall behind Rose, then turned when Rose and Y/n looked away, taking the second to put some distance between them and him. When they turned back, he was in the elevator. "Ward 26, thanks," he told the lift calmly.
Definite attempts were made to catch room with the Doctor, but Rose and Y/n were both too late. The door closed, leaving them on the outside. "Damn," Y/n whispered, teeth catching his lower lip.
"Oh, too late, I'm going up," the Doctor told them. His voice was getting quieter though and he was immediately becoming harder to hear.
"All right," Rose dismissed. "There's another lift. Y/n and I will be up after you." She hit the button to open the door.
"Ward 26," the Doctor reminded. "And..." What he said next was too hard to hear at that point.
Eyes locked as Rose and Y/n both looked to the other for interpretation, but neither knew. "WHAT?" Rose yelled, trying to get him to repeat it. The Doctor did repeat it, but they still didn't get it. Y/n moved his ear against the door to try and hear better. "The what?" Rose tried again. The Doctor began but then cut off, and the door opened so they brushed it off and went inside. They could ask him when they reunited in ward 26. When they went in, Rose said, "Ward 26, thanks," and the lift began to move.
Almost immediately, they realized they didn't have to ask the Doctor what he meant. The elevator spoke about disinfectant, and Y/n had the pieces click in his head that that was the word the Doctor had said. It was too late though, as both of them were taken off guard by the sudden liquid spraying them both down. The were drenched, and then dried, and then it was over. During the process was pure chaos though and at some point Rose latched onto Y/n, pulling herself into his chest. When the doors opened again, she looked up at him.
It was a weird time for it to happen, but Y/n had the thought that her eyes were rather pretty this close. They'd never been this close before, but now he could see all the different colors in them. They were hazel, not brown, and had flecks of gold and green in nice patterns. Those eyes of hers traveled his face and then jetted away and suddenly they were Rose and Y/n again, except.. just a little different. Y/n felt awkward for no apparent reason, and Rose seemed to feel it too. She cleared her throat and stepped out into the hallway and Y/n paused only a split second to collect himself before following.
They didn't talk about it. Mostly because neither knew what had just happened, but also in big part because they realized they were in a dirty hallway that had more basement vibes than hospital ward vibes.
"The human children are clean." The pair looked over to see a small, pale man with vibrant red markings all over his body. There was something... creepy about him. As if he was wrong, but not enough that it was noticeable. Just - a little off. Slightly right of center. It was unnerving.
"Um," Rose began. Y/n did the feely stuff and intimidating when the situation called for it, but he was still trained to ignore strangers and avoid conversations about himself, so most of the casual socializing was and had always been up to Rose. "We're looking for ward 26."
The man turned, beginning to walk down the tunnel. "This way, Rose Tyler. Come along with me, Y/n L/n."
Rose and Y/n looked at each other in alarm. No one safe ever knew their names on an alien planet they'd never been to before. Especially someone they didn't know. Rose grabbed a pipe, but Y/n walked ahead of her, hands in his pocket as if this was just another day, face set and hard.
Catching up to the small man who walked with his shoulders curled in, Y/n spoke quietly. Keeping that calm air about him. "What's your name, sir? Seems only fair, since you know mine."
"Chip," the small man replied.
Nothing else was said until they got into the room they were aiming for. It seemed to be the end of their journey as Chip jogged ahead, excited to reach their destination. Inside the room played a movie on one of those projectors Y/n had only seen at movie theaters, when he worked for one once. He was surprised to see it here as it must have been ancient, considering how far in the future it was, but Rose caught his attention by grabbing his arm. His gaze moved to her body tense with what seemed to be confused trepidation... until he looked at the screen himself and recognized a face. It was then he realized what she was really feeling was shock. Maybe even a little fear.
"It's-"
"Cassandra," Y/n finished.
"Peek a boo!" A voice behind them greeted. The pair spun around to see Chip... and a little ways away from him, Cassandra herself.
Rose immediately got defensive. She was a completely different person from who she used to be when she hid behind the Doctor and didn't know how anything went. Y/n stayed close to her to back her up, but  didn't say anything. The first time they'd met, Y/n and Cassandra had been friends before she'd tried to kill everyone on the ship. She'd offered to save him if he just came with her. Of course he'd turned her down, but he'd been sad to see her die as he always was when he saw poor souls waste themselves. Especially people like Cassandra who wouldn't just accept when it was time to give up and die.
Seeing her again made him feel... terrible. Not guilty, but sick to his stomach. She was here, after everything they'd been through? His thoughts were all about protecting Rose. He may still have compassion and mercy, but he couldn't die this time around, and he was far less willing to give people the opportunity to hurt those he cared about.
"Don't come anywhere near me, Cassandra," Rose threatened, wielding her pipe from earlier.
"Why?" Cassandra asked, rather bitterly. "What do you think I'm going to do? Flap you to death?"
Rose hesitated. "Yeah, well, what about him?" She pointed out, using her pipe to remind Cassandra of her little lackey.
"Oh, that's just Chip," Cassandra dismissed. "He's my pet."
"He's not your pet," Y/n spoke up then. "He's a person."
"I worship the mistress," Chip argued, rather aggressively. Y/n glared. What the hell?
"Moisturize me, moisturize me," Cassandra reminded, as if it wasn't the most important thing on her mind right now. Chip answered her command immediately. "He's not even a proper life form," Cassandra assured. Her tone was soft and comforting, but her eyes weren't on Rose in answer to her question. They were on Y/n. What she said had been to ease him. "He's a force-grown clone. I modeled him on my favorite pattern." Her tone became appreciative. "But he's so faithful. Chip sees to my physical needs."
Rose scoffed, somehow having ended up behind Y/n again. It was only then that he realized he'd been slowly making his way closer. Even after all this time and his obedience to the Doctor that had often made him stay put (as well as the fact that someone had to stay behind and inform the Doctor of where Rose went when she wandered off, and if anything too bad had happened), he was still curious. Maybe the more curious of him and Rose. That curiosity drove him to step head first into everything, unless instructed specifically not to. Rose was the reckless one... except now, when they needed to understand perhaps in order to survive this encounter, if whatever Cassandra had planned was as questionable and dangerous as their last encounter.
"I hope that means food." Rose's voice pulled Y/n out of his thoughts, making him fail when he tried to hold back a single, soft snort of amusement. "How come you're still alive?"
"After you murdered me?" Cassandra drawled rather bitterly.
"You tried first," Y/n sassed back, rolling his eyes.
"It was your own fault," Rose followed up.
Chip piped up then. "The brain of my mistress survived," he explained. "And her pretty blue eyes were salvaged from the bin."
Y/n groaned, not liking the way Chip looked at Cassandra after Rose's earlier comment. “What about the skin?" Rose asked to divert the subject. "I saw it. You-" she laughed, cutting off. "You got ripped apart."
"That piece of skin was taken from the front of my body," Cassandra began. "This piece is the back."
Rose had a good laugh about that as she tried to say, "Right, so you're talking out of your-"
"Ask not!" Cassandra interrupted, her feathers ruffled by Rose's giggle interrupted speaking.
"The mistress was lucky to survive." Chip seemed proud. "Chip secreted m'lady into the hospital.
"So they don't know you're here," Rose realized.
"Chip steals meds." He continued as if Rose hadn't spoken. "Helps m'lady. Soothes her." He turned to Cassandra, his hand raising to run along the back of Cassandra's... skin. "Strokes her."
Y/n groaned and Rose intervened on both of their behalves. "You can stop right there, Chip."
"But why?" Y/n demanded. "You two are obviously... involved." He said it with disgust and Rose closed her eyes next to him, shaking her head in disapproval of the mental images that were surely trying to surface in her mind as she fought them. "Why, Chip? Don't you have anything better to do? A life of your own to live? Why waste it in a basement where you're not supposed to be, hiding and taking care of a woman who obviously doesn't care about you. She talks about you like you're a pair of shoes and not a person! Why would you stay?"
That seemed to puzzle Chip. "How could I go? Life is not easy. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing, it is always hard and bad. It only matters who you are with."
In that moment, Y/n thought of the Doctor. And he thought of Rose. Wouldn't Y/n do the same, if one of them couldn't take care of themselves because they had gone too far and made irreversible decisions that had ruined themselves? Wouldn't he take care of them and do as they asked and done everything in his power to protect them?
Cassandra's voice rang out, and Y/n looked at her to see she was looking back. "He doesn't change that I'm so alone, though, hidden down here. The last human in existence."
Too caught up in genuinely pitying Cassandra, Y/n stayed silent. It gave Rose the room to speak. "Don't start that again." Her tone got louder as she grew more irritated. "They call this planet New Earth."
"A vegetable planet," Cassandra seethed.
Rose followed what Chip did earlier and acted as if Cassandra hadn't spoken. "And there's millions of humans out there, millions of them."
"Mutant stock," Cassandra huffed pridefully.
"Stock?" When Y/n spoke, the room went silent. There was something different about him, Cassandra realized. He was... scary. He radiated authority now. The last time she had seen him, he was quiet and curious and soft. She could still see a tenderness, but there was a danger too. At some point Y/n had learned how to be both vengeful and merciful, and she realized she was toeing the line of crossing into his wrathful side.
"They evolved, Cassandra," Rose continued, slowly. Y/n hadn't spoken again, but he did that thing that the Doctor did too. When he got quiet and terrifying and you wanted to shut up for fear of setting him off on you. Rose knew she was safe, but even she seemed to be treading lightly. "They just evolved. Like they should. You stayed still. You got yourself all- pickled and preserved." She was getting worked up now. Her anger seemed less dangerous and the room relaxed, as if letting go a breath it had been holding. "What good did it do you?" Rose demanded.
Cassandra didn't address what Rose said. Instead, her eyes slid to the movie still being played by the projector. Rose rolled her eyes, but Y/n listened. Y/n always listened. "Oh, I remember that night." He looked at the screen as she spoke, watching the video play out. He tried to imagine what a party like that would be like. The ambiance and the sounds and the heat and the drinks and the people. The chatter and music. He could feel it, with the help of the video. He wondered if Cassandra was permanently stuck in that night, in her head. If she played this video to hold onto the feelings she experienced when she was still herself. "Drinks for the ambassador of Thrace. That was the last time anyone told me I was beautiful. After that, it all became such hard work." Her tone turned into near growling and Y/n felt his heart get heavy. Why did society do this to women? Why couldn't standards just be... realistic, for once?
A thought occurred to him then. Maybe if society as a whole valued people for their personality and not for their looks, maybe Cassandra would have been different. Maybe she'd have been more than a pretty face. Maybe she'd have met someone who really cared about her, and they'd have settled down and made a family. Maybe she wouldn't have thought her only worth was her looks, and then crossed far too many lines to keep it so she still meant something.
"You've got a knack for survival, I'll give you that," Rose voiced after it got quiet for too long. Cassandra kept looking at Y/n, as if waiting for him to speak, but he didn't have anything to say that was worth saying so he stayed silent.
"But I've not been idle, Rose," Cassandra told them both, even though she only addressed the blonde. "Tucked away, underneath this hospital, I've been listening. The sisters are up to trouble. They're hiding something."
That peaked the pair's interest. "Do you know anything, or are you toying with us?" Y/n demanded.
"These cats have secrets," Cassandra gave in response. "I know them, I know them all. Hush, let me whisper. Come close."
Rose crossed her arms over her chest. "You must be joking if you think I'm going anywhere near you," she sassed, returning to her deep amusement that left her laughing through her words. She began to step back, moving out of the room, and that was when things went wrong. Suddenly a bunch of light went wild, wrapping around Rose's hands and keeping them tethered to her sides. Her face went slack and her body relaxed and she froze.
Before Y/n could process and react, Cassandra spoke. "Chip, activate the psycho-graft!"
Y/n spun around, eyes wild. "You let her go now! If you hurt even a single hair on her head Cassandra, I will-"
"No need for dramatics," Cassandra drawled. "I'll let her go completely unharmed, I promise." Chip pulled a lever and a cylindrical blue light encased Rose. Y/n wasn't sure if he'd make it worse by going in there after her so he turned on Cassandra instead.
He reached down, grabbing the pipe Rose had abandoned a while ago, running at Cassandra with it hefted over his head, ready to bring down onto her face. There was a weird pinkish light above her that went behind him toward Rose, just before he used the pipe to smash in what was Cassandra's sort-of face. The skin split under the pressure and blood sprayed on Y/n's clothes and the lower part of his neck. It was farther than even the Doctor had gone in the violence department since the Time War, but it was Y/n's first thought with little time to react.
It didn't matter though. When he turned around, Rose was on the ground and Chip was approaching her limp body that was slowly coming around as the blonde began to move.
"Moisturize me," Rose mumbled. Y/n froze, eyes wide with part terror and part unbridled rage. Chip went off to be obedient, but when he turned back, Rose's eyes hand already landed on her body, features forming in awe. "Arms," she mumbled. "How bizarre." Her breathing got shallow as she grew excited, beginning to sit up. "Fingers!" She gasped as blonde strands began to fall in her face. "Hair!" Her hands grabbed at said hair as if it was a wonder. Y/n supposed... it was. The woman who definitely wasn't Rose scrambled to her feet. "Let me see! Let me see!" She raced to a mirror. "Oh my god! I'm a chav!"
It was then that Y/n knocked into his senses. His curiosity had distracted him. His confusion and wonder. His questions didn't matter though when Rose was in danger. "Cassandra, I don't know how you did it but you get out of her right now do you understand me? NOW. You may have Chip at your beck and call but you've done this against Rose's will!"
Cassandra wasn't listening. "Look at me! From class to brass!" She fiddled with the end of Rose's shirt, then hesitated, raising a hand to the zipper of Rose's jacket. "Although..." She began zipping it down, exposing a bit more skin. Y/n felt himself swallow. Why was he suddenly so warm? "Curves," Cassandra purred. "Ooh baby. It's like living inside a bouncy castle!"
It was the way Chip was looking at Rose's body that really sent Y/n. He was stuck trying to figure out how to talk to Cassandra, or even scare her if necessary, but he kept getting distracted by the odd look on Rose's face. One that was... Well, that wasn't a thought he was addressing at all, actually. All he knew was that he felt something in him snap. Cassandra was ogling a body that wasn't hers, and Chip was joining in, and neither had Rose's consent and it made Y/n lose his thin control.
Suddenly he was racing froward and Cassandra gasped as her back was slammed against the wall that Y/n pinned her against, his arm on her chest. "I said," he seethed, teeth working together. "Bring her back. Now."
"Ooh," Cassandra cooed. "You really have gotten quite scary, Y/n. I'm very impressed." Her eyes moved to her old body then to the blood on Y/n. "More violent too, wow. Willing to get things done." Her eyes raked every inch of Y/n they could reach. "And much more handsome. I was attracted to you back then, but now? You've really grown into yourself it's a great look on you."
"Stop it," Y/n snapped.
Cassandra giggled. "Don't worry love, Rose thinks so too." That stopped Y/n short. "Oh, didn't expect that one?" Her giggle was bright and triumphant. "She's had feelings for you going on ages now. Since you two met, really. Been hiding them when you showed no interest in anyone and refused to talk about romance. Tried to move on to Mickey... and then the Doctor came around. But you fell for him." Her smile turned mocking. "But of course, you'd take him. The two men she loved the most, being together, without her."
"That's not-" Y/n swallowed. How had he never noticed before? Had they both had their one secret? The one secret they'd kept from each other all this time? His had been the loneliness that had grafted into him, making itself a personality trait. The loneliness that drove him for years to believe he'd never experience love, let alone have it last. The secret that he had never felt the way he felt about the Doctor for anyone... anyone except for Rose. Kind Rose who had come to Y/n in a time when he didn't understand his own emotions enough to name them before she got with Mickey and it was too late. Rose, who he had forced to form a sister-brother relationship with to dodge the feelings he had for her that neither of them were capable of or willing to act on. And her secret, that the entire time she had felt the exact same way?
Had he really wasted all of the time they could have been together thinking she could never like him in return?
"What's the matter?" Cassandra purred, smirking. "Cat got your tongue?"
Y/n's face hardened. "You're lying. And even if you're not, this isn't your secret to tell me. Rose is the only one allowed to tell me her feelings. Get out!"
"But you've killed me, haven't you? How am I supposed to go back to my old body? I have nowhere to go and its all your fault, Y/n. Going back is suicide."
"You shouldn't have left that bloody body in the first place," Y/n seethed. But then he calmed, because out of the group he was always the one who calmed and thought things out so that as many people as possible could win. Sure, Cassandra had taken Rose against her will... but she was also right. How could Y/n ask her to go back, when her body was destroyed by his own hands? "Go into me, then. Leave her be. If you can't go back to your own body, take mine. Not hers."
Cassandra's expression grew soft. "You love her." Y/n glared. "Just like you love the Doctor. How... how do you handle that? Loving two people so much you'd die or worse - give yourself up for them, alive and all? Because Rose remembers when you were Empty. She remembers clear as day how afraid of not death, but being trapped in a body you cannot control. And now you can't die, but if you allow me this, you will be trapped. How can you agree to that?"
Y/n pursed his lips. "Life is complicated, Cassandra. Some feelings you tell yourself are out of bounds and off limits. Some feelings you can rationalize. Some people give you a new prospect on life. One so wonderful that staying alive forever sounds amazing. And some people... they're worth being afraid for. They're worth losing control for. Some people are just worth it."
That seemed to sit very deeply with Cassandra. "You know, you're most beautiful like this. Protecting those you care about. Fighting for the greater good. Being the quiet hero with a hidden strength enough to stop even an alien war lord." Her smile grew. "Fine, I will do as you ask, because we were friends then and I'm unhappy we didn't end as such. But one thing before I go."
"What?" Y/n asked.
And then Cassandra, in Rose's body, kissed Y/n. It was different than the times Y/n had pictures kissing Rose. It was desperate and passionate and... a little aggressive. It felt like he imagined Rose would. Her hair was soft and filtered nicely between his fingers. Her lips were a little chapped, but not enough to be noticeable, just enough to make the kiss just a little rough for a second until they continued kissing and they became soft. Her skin was warm and smooth and her hands clung to him like he was a life preserver and she was drowning.
When they parted, Cassandra didn't hesitate. She moved right from Rose into Y/n in the small space between them. The blonde leaned into Y/n but soon shook off the weird feeling, leaning away to look into Y/n's eyes. Because she had heard and felt everything, and her mind was reeling from that kiss, even if she hadn't been in control when Cassandra had used her body to initiate it.
Cassandra was the first one to speak, but this time it was in Y/n's voice. "You know I pride myself on being very proud and sexy and hard to move. I have not been known to be emotional. This one though..." She turned away, pushing Rose off and beginning to walk back toward the lifts.
Rose woke up then. "Cassandra you can't-!"
"Shut up," Cassandra snapped. "We don't have time for this. We have to find the Doctor, and Y/n consented, so there's nothing you can do about it so come on." Rose followed after, Chip after her, and the three of them headed to find the Doctor together. After a long time in quiet, Cassandra spat with her usual spite, "That Doctor of yours is a total hypocrite by the way. Changing his face like that and becoming younger and prettier. You both think so, I saw in both of your heads. Am in one of them now."
As if by a show of mercy, Rose's phone rang and she answered it. "Hello?" Her voice was tired, her hand rising to massage her temple. The whole thing with Cassandra had already given her a headache. The kiss... it had reminded her of something. Something that hurt to think about.
The Doctor was on the other line. "Rose, where are you? Is Y/n with you?"
"Don't tell him about me," Cassandra rushed. "He'll just lose it and cause a commotion, and we don't have time to waste. The sisters really are up to something, and I really do have information."
Rose glared but followed the order, begrudgingly. "Yes, Y/n's here. We've... picked up another friend too. His name is Chip."
"Where have you been? How long does it take to get to ward 26, and how did you meet someone else?" The Doctor asked, rather curious.
A huff came from her as she tried to hide her bitter laughter as she refrained from telling him the adventure they'd just gone on. She'd never hidden something like this from the Doctor before... but Cassandra was right. "We'll be there soon, it's a long story. What have you been up to?"
"Oh you'll never guess," The Doctor practically sang. "I'm with the Face of Boe. Remember him?"
"Yeah," Rose answered, without much spirit.
On the line, the Doctor paused. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. You-"
"I.. have to go," the Doctor drawled. "Talk to you later." And then he hung up and Rose sighed. The elevator grew silent as they were cleaned again. The blood was gone as if it had never been there and Rose watched it pool on the ground under them before slipping down the drain. She couldn't believe he'd really... done that, for her. Jesus.
When they reached the Doctor, Cassandra held back with Chip for some reason. She dismissed Chip and he wandered off, leaving her alone. She looked like she was listening to something, though the only sound Rose could hear were the patients and the speaker, but neither were something that would have interested Cassandra surely.
Rose was distracted by the Doctor, who pulled her over to inspect the patients he had been spending time with while she had been missing, filling her in on his confusion.
"Y/n, are you listening?"
Cassandra looked over to see the Doctor had approached. Fortunately, though she had not been paying attention, Y/n had been. "Yes, something is up," Cassandra agreed, her face nearing one of Y/n's more calm expressions. It was something Rose had never thought Cassandra was capable of feeling. She almost looked... thoughtful. Her voice was off from Y/n's though. Obviously wrong. She tried to keep going high and her accent was different. Behind the Doctor, Rose sighed.
"What- what's with the voice?" The Doctor asked, eyes narrowing.
"Nothing," Rose dismissed, trying to keep things going so they could figure this out without distractions. They could figure that whole thing out when this problem was dealt with.
The Doctor didn't seem to be done though. "That's the second time you've totally zoned out Y/n, are you sure you're alright?"
Cassandra flinched. She knew what was going on in Y/n's head. Why he had been spaced out and different. She knew what it meant about the Doctor, too. It was a small flinch, one you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't looking, but Rose and the Doctor were looking and so they did notice. Casandra looked at Rose, tears in her eyes. "I need out of here. Please."
Rose felt herself go speechless. Was Y/n so broken that he had messed Casandra up so quickly? Or was it the fact that Cassandra already had a soft spot for him that she pitied him so much? "Fine," she sighed halfheartedly. "Doctor, give us a moment if you would. Just a moment and then we'll be back, promise."
They went around the corner, Rose making sure the Doctor didn't follow. Casandra didn't wait longer than that. She transported into Rose again with that same purple mist and then Rose cleared her throat, her posture changing as Casandra took control. Y/n wiped his eyes and then pulled Rose back to the Doctor. "Sorry about that," he replied. "Rose and I had something to discuss. Best friend things, very important." Casandra smiled beside him, despite knowing that he didn't really think of her as his best friend. "Come on-"
"Are you guys up to something?" The Doctor asked.
"Nothing at all," Cassandra drawled in an voice that was very much not Rose Tyler's. "Just mucking about New Earth, having new experiences and lots of fun. New planet, new age. New me." She looked the Doctor up and down and Y/n rolled his eyes.
"Guess I can't talk much then," the Doctor joked, distracted as he always was by a pretty face. Why were the smartest ones always the most susceptible to an attractive woman? Though, Y/n supposed he couldn't talk much. "New Doctor."
"That you are," Cassandra purred. And then she did something that none of them saw coming. She grabbed the Doctor's face and snogged him just as aggressively as she had Y/n.
Was she collecting or something?
Or... did Rose want her to do it as much as Casandra was curious what it would be like?
When she'd had her fun, she parted and directed them to the terminals. The Doctor looked at Y/n, who cracked a smile at the man's frazzled state, despite who had put him in it. "Yep," he squeaked. Y/n snorted, trying and failing to contain it. "Still got it." Y/n rolled his eyes and shook his head then caught up to Cassandra, the Doctor following after them while he tried to contain his gleeful grin.
By the time they got to the trams, everyone had calmed down. They looked at the map of the place, but it didn't yield much. No shop, the Doctor noticed. No spa, Y/n joked. "Something else is missing too," Cassandra noticed seriously. She seemed a lot closer to her old self. "When I was downstairs, those nurse-cat-nuns were talking about intensive care... but where is it?"
"You're right, well done," the Doctor praised.
"Why would they hide a whole department?" Cassandra wondered, ignoring his praise. "It's got to be there somewhere. Search the subframe."
"What if the subframe's locked?" The Doctor questioned.
"Try the installation protocol," Cassandra told him like it was quite simple.
Y/n was impressed. Not that he didn't expect her to be smart, but that he couldn't believe someone as smart as her had been reduced to a pretty face for so long.
The Doctor did so, offering sarcastic grumblings as he did. He put his screwdriver to the screen and fiddled. Suddenly, the wall was moving and lowering and exposing a hidden tunnel behind it. Y/n stepped up between Casandra and the Doctor. "So... in we go?"
"Suppose so," the Doctor confirmed. Cassandra lead the way, but Y/n didn't miss the suspicious look he shot Rose. Y/n internally sighed, realizing they weren't going to be able to hold off this whole charade for much longer. "Intensive care," the Doctor mused as he followed second in the line as they moved into the tunnel. “Certainly looks intensive."
"Quite so," Y/n scoffed.
They moved forward, into a hallway and then down stairs into an impossibly large, cylindrical cavern whose wall were covered floor to ceiling with green pods. There were levels above and below them that seemed to stretch for eternity, the walkways looping in circles on every level. The Doctor moved to one, using the screwdriver to open a pod. What they saw was horrific. A man with ratted hair and a long, beige hospital gown that was dingy and dirty. He was sitting in a chair, his head lolling from side to side and his skin covered in rot and welts and sickness of all kinds. He looked like he was dying. Y/n raised a hand, gasping softly as he covered his mouth to hold himself back from reaching out to the person.
"That's disgusting," Cassandra sneered quietly. "What's wrong with him?"
"Shut up," Y/n snapped. "He can hear you," he added to try and cover it up, hoping he hadn't brought attention to how out of character that was for 'Rose' to say.
The Doctor ignored both of them. He looked at the man with a heartbroken look, shaking his head in remorse. He couldn't do anything, so he said the same thing he always did when he couldn't save someone. "I'm sorry." Y/n moved closer. "I'm so sorry." He closed that door then moved to the next one, Y/n limply following behind.
The person in the next pod was in the exact same condition. "What disease is that?" Casandra asked, her voice tinged in disgust.
"All of them." The Doctor's voice was gravely, low with anger for the people in the pods. "Every single disease in the galaxy. They've been infected with everything."
"What about us?" Casandra asked, alarmed. "Are we safe?"
Y/n sighed, shaking his head. "That's not the point. The pain they're going through. Can you imagine, every disease ever? All in one body? Did you see how many pods there were? Countless amounts of people, all infected with diseases that will rot them away slowly until they just... die. In pain. Alone. No one who cares about them, or who will remember them. Just... gone." He went to reach out and touch the woman in the pod they had just opened. "Isolated, unable to move and having no one to call out to. How lonely would that be?"
The Doctor caught Y/n's hand. "Don't touch them. The air is sterile, but they'll infect you too if you touch them."
Y/n's face fell. "They've never even been touched? Existing alone in the dark, in a world of pain and emptiness and loneliness. No one knows they exist as they cry for help. How long has it been since they've been touched?"
No one answered. The Doctor just closed the door, and the trio turned away and looked out across the railing, taking in the countless pods with new eyes. Every single green light they could see was yet another person living that life that Y/n had painted. There were even more lights they could not see. An unknowable amount. Maybe endless.
It was that thought that triggered it.
It was like a swarm of bees. He had seen that image again on Earth in his exploration. Most in cartoons, or horror movies he'd caught scenes of in passing, but still. That's what it looked like. Except these weren't harmless insects that only gave you a little sting and then moved on. This was like maybe a bee, but you're deathly allergic and now there's a whole swarm coming just for you, with the intent to wipe you out if its the last thing they do.
The Daleks, and with them, possibly the end of everything.
War has a smell. I know it, even though I myself have never been in one. He was though, and for some reason I know that because I know what he knows. The smell doesn't bother you after a while. It doesn't even really bother you at all until after the fighting is over and you smell is again. Smell anything like it at all, and those memories come back. Not enough to ruin you, but enough to shake you to your core. To put a bitter taste in your mouth and remind you of the faces of everyone you lost.
And it hurts.
A hand on Y/n's shoulder and the boy looked over to lock eyes with the Doctor. The men locked eyes and the Doctor was startled to see a look in Y/n's eyes he had not seen in a long time. A haunted look from years of fighting a battle they were all losing. A look from years of fighting similar, smaller battles. Alone. A look the Doctor had seen in his family and comrades once, but only ever saw in his own eyes now adays.
Y/n looked away. "Let's go." He realized he did know what they had said. The injustice of it all. That's what drove him. These people. They needed help. That was more important than the memories.
As they walked, Casandra moved closer to Y/n. She knew exactly what had just happened, and what he needed. A distraction. "Why don't they just die?" She asked.
Y/n would have hit there right then and there if the Doctor hadn't piped up. "Plague carriers. The last to go."
"It's for the greater cause." The trio looked over to see one of the nurses.
"Novice Hame," the Doctor greeted with a voice forming into an edge so sharp it could cut just by being spoken. "When you took your vows, did you agree to this?"
"The sisterhood has sworn to help," the sister said, as if to reassure.
It wasn't working. "What, by killing?" The Doctor yelled.
"They're not real people," the cat woman told them.
It only made Y/n more angry. He couldn't think right. His mind was mixed up in a war he'd never been apart of, torn between a man that no longer existed dealing with a problem that had long ago reached a point of no return, and Y/n who was compassionate and understanding and talked and explained rather than threw pipes at skin trampolines and thought about attacking cat ladies who just had messed up ideals about clones, but still had the right ideas. This was the part where Y/n intervened and calmed everyone down. This was the part he talked to her and made her see where she was wrong, like he so often did.
Y/n wasn't in the mood to help, though. So he stood by the Doctor and he seethed and he saw those pods and he thought of people who were created to suffer, alone, in pain, until they died. Y/n snapped. "Come here." The woman looked at Y/n, surprised by the rage in his face. "Doctor, your screwdriver please." The Doctor hesitated, unsure of what Y/n had in mind, but handed it over anyway. Seeing the Doctor obey, the woman did too. Y/n pulled her into his side, opened the pod to expose another sick person. "Look at her." The cat lady did, and she seemed unfazed. At first. "Look at the pain she's in." As if on cue, the woman began to beg for her life. Plead for help. "Look at her!" Hame flinched. "Do you see a creature without intelligence? Because when I look at her, I see a person. A person who doesn't know what's happened or why, or how to stop it, but wants to DESPERATELY because it hurts so much and it has always hut and it will always hurt until she dies. I don't care if she was grown or born or found floating in space, look into her eyes and tell me you cannot see someone who feels and thinks and would have had a real life, if it weren't for you people locking her up and using her like- like some sort of cattle."
Novice Hame did not have anything to say to that.
The Doctor did though. "How many is the turn over?" He asked her, coming to her other side. A thousand a day? A thousand the next? Thousand the next? How many thousands? For how many years? HOW MANY?"
To that, the woman had a response. Y/n watched the woman in the pod as the nurse spoke. "Mankind needed us. They came to this planet with so many illnesses, we couldn't cope. We did try. We tried everything. We tried using clone meat and bio-cattle, but the results were too slow. So the sisterhood grew its own flesh. That's all they are. Flesh."
"That's all we all are." Y/n closed the door and locked it, his face crumpling as he faced the nurse. "We're all just flesh, growing and stretching and getting leathery with age. We have brains, but so do they. They think and talk and interact. Look me in the face and tell me not one of them has ever spoken before what happened a few minutes ago. They've never reacted to pain or begged for their lives. Look me in the face and tell me that. That it's never happened before."
Novice Hame didn't say anything, once again.
"These people are alive," the Doctor stated, pointing at the pod Y/n had just closed.
"But the humans out there, in the world. They're healthy. Alive." She seemed to be struggling after Y/n and the Doctor's delivery. "Happy, because of us."
"If they live because of this, then life is worthless," the Doctor spit.
The nurse shook her head. "But who are you to decide that?"
"I'm the Doctor," he replied without missing a beat, stepping up to her. "And if you don't like it, if you want to take it to a higher authority, there isn't one. It stops with me."
It was at that time that Casandra spoke again. "Just to confirm," she began. "None of the humans in this city actually know about this?"
Y/n closed his eyes.
Goddamnit Casandra.
"Hold on," the Doctor interrupted before the nurse could speak again. "I can understand the bodies. I can understand your vows, but one thing I can't understand - what have you done to Rose?" The nurse stuttered her confusion, but the Doctor didn't step down. "I'm being very, very calm. You want to be aware of that: very, very calm. And the only reason I'm being so very very calm, is that the brain is a delicate thing. Whatever you've done to Rose's head, I want it reversed."
"They haven't done anything," Y/n mumbled.
The Doctor turned very fast on Y/n. "These people are dying, and Rose would care. If they didn't do something... if something happened to her, you seem to be the one who knows. Explain. Now."
"It's Casandra," Y/n sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She needed a body to travel and she needed our help to figure out what was going on around here, so she hijinxed Rose. Well-" he shrugged. "Me at first, and then Rose."
The Doctor didn't seem to be expecting that. "Casandra?"
Casandra moved closer to the Doctor, smirking. "Wake up and smell the perfume." She sprayed him with something then and the Doctor fell.
"What the hell Casandra?" Y/n demanded.
"Oh pick him up and stop complaining. We need to get out of here." She turned to the nurse and went to say something, and then she hesitated and her eyes passed to Y/n and lingered for too long. "You know Y/n, I’ve lived off of spite since the last time I saw you guys. I've been angry and determined and... I only wanted to figure this whole thing out so I could use the information against the nuns and try and blackmail them. I-" She swallowed, looking away. "Being in your head. Seeing the thing you think and feel. You have such an odd way of doing things. Back then... you were upset when I died. You tried to stop me. You begged me. You tried to make me to be a good guy so we didn't have to end it in a tragedy. You were nice to me, even though I was just a piece of skin and went against all you and this girl of yours like about humans. Even though she hated me, and most humans hated me, you didn't." Her shoulders sagged. "What do we do, Y/n?"
He smiled. His anger from moments ago melted. "I've got the Doctor. We need to get the Matrim here, and then release the people. She needs to pay for what she's done, and they need to be be free."
So that's what they did. Casandra pulled out a tube that set off an alarm, and then waited for the Matrim to turn the corner. The two women locked eyes until the Matrim got close enough, and then Casandra pulled a lever and all the pods opened. "See ya!" Casandra hollered, waving as the trio turned and began to retreat.
As they were going, more pods began to explode, and because the booms and sparks, the Doctor woke up. "What's happening?" he slurred.
"Not now Dear, we'll get back to this later I promise." Y/n kept walking, trying to move quickly while holding the Doctor in his arms. He paused a moment to put the man down, now that he was awake. "Come along!"
The Doctor shook himself out of his sleepiness, looking around at the bumbling infected, and the open pods that were beginning to empty. "What have you guys done?"
"It wasn't us!" Casandra scoffed.
"One touch and you get every disease in the world, and I want that body safe, Casandra!" She rolled her eyes and Y/n almost smiled at her sass, if it wasn't for everything else. "We've got to go down!" Casandra went to complain to the Doctor yelled, "RUN!" Needless to say, you listen to the Doctor when he yells. The trio began to race down the steps, moving as fast as they could to the basement. Casandra screamed and it echoed. In the distance, they heard Chip's quick footsteps racing to meet them. In only moments he had joined them. And then there were four. When Casandra moved toward the elevators, the Doctor stopped her. "No, the lifts have closed down. There's a quarantine, nothing's moving."
"Where are we going then?" Y/n demanded.
Casandra yelled, "THIS WAY!" They began running, jerking through an opening where more infected were streaming in through a hallway that intersected the one they were currently running through.
Long story short: Chip and Y/n didn't make it.
The Doctor stopped, looking for a way to get to Y/n. "Go!" Y/n screamed.
"I won't leave you!" The Doctor screamed back.
Y/n shook his head. "I can't die, Doctor. You solve this thing, and we'll figure out the rest later." The Doctor hesitated, looking at Y/n with pain and regret. "I promise I'll be okay. I promised I wasn't going anywhere, and I don't break my promises." The Doctor hesitated longer so Y/n grunted and ordered, "GO!" Finally, he did, chasing after Casandra in Rose's body to make sure they all got out okay.
"Mistress!" Chip wailed. "My mistress!"
"CHIP!" Y/n screamed, shaking the man into sense. "You need to hide. Come on!" He guided the small man against the wall, pressing against him so his whole body covered Chip. He was small enough to pull it off. "Do not touch my skin, do you understand? Keep your skin from touching mine at all costs." Chip curled in on himself, making himself smaller and pressing his face into Y/n's back. Hands other than Chip's wrapped around Y/n's arms and ankle and face and hands.
Then there was pain. Y/n could feel his body rotting and dying. He'd last plenty long enough to keep Chip safe, but he felt incredible pain as he was inducted with every disease known in the entire universe. He got sicker and sicker and sicker, until the crowd in the room began to clear and go away, satisfied with touching him. When the room was empty, Y/n finally collapsed. He lay on the ground as Chip kneeled next to him.
"You saved my life."
"Don't think too much about it," Y/n joked dryly. "I can't die. I'm sick forever now though. Maybe. Maybe I'll reset. Come back to life cured. I guess we'll see."
They stayed there for what seemed hours, until more people shuffled into the room. These people had the same worn out gowns on, but they weren't sick at all. They looked at Chip first, hugging him and touching his face and arms and hands, like they did earlier, except this time no disease spread.
Suddenly there was a voice. Like an angel sent directly from God. "Y/N!"
"We're in here!" Chip called, running to find the Doctor and bring him back.
Upon seeing Y/n on the floor, the Doctor shook his head. "What is with you? One rule, Y/n: no touching. You've had this problem before."
"An issue of mine it seems. Can't keep my hands to myself."
Chip interrupted. "He saved my life. Stood in front of the disease because it doesn't hurt him.
The Doctor's face was soft as he kneeled next to Y/n. "It does hurt him. And it would have hurt him forever if I wasn't so amazing." He reached out but Y/n jerked his head away. "It's okay," the Doctor assured, grabbing Y/n's face. The man gasped, eyes widening as there was a sizzling sound and he felt, just as he did with the sickness, his body getting better. For a little extra dramatic affair, the Doctor leaned down and kissed Y/n. It was a good kiss. Soft and full of love and admiration and care. When the Doctor leaned away, Y/n was completely cured. "You're an idiot."
"Your idiot," Y/n joked weakly.
The Doctor shook his head, smiling. "Lucky me."
"Lucky us," Y/n corrected. That they could agree on.
-
The first thing they did was see the face of Boe. It was sort of vague and odd, but overall a nice experience. It ended with convincing Casandra to leave Rose though, and that was another matter.
"Y/n I'll die," Casandra begged, turning to the only person she knew would care about her. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but you've been in my head same as I've been in yours. I let you in and we talked. I know what's happening with you, and no one else does. Please. We can really be friends. For real."
Y/n sighed, his face full of pain. "Casandra, I love you. I consider you a friend, and I genuinely care about you. But..." He closed his eyes. "The Doctor's right, and this isn't your body.
Casandra broke then. "I don't want to die." She covered her face before rested her forehead on Y/n's chest.
"No one does," the Doctor said.
"Help me!" She begged, turning her head as Y/n held her so she could still be heard.
"I can't."
"I can." Eyes turned to Chip, who stepped forward. "I am willing Mistress, take me."
Y/n's eyes widened. "Chip-" His mouth worked, but nothing came out. "Don't you want your own life, even for a short while? Don't you want to be your own man with the small time you have left?"
Chip looked at Y/n very seriously. "You gave your body for me. You'd just as soon give it for them." He motioned to the Doctor and Rose, and Y/n sighed, knowing he couldn't argue. "I want to give my body to her. One last gift to the Mistress."
Casandra left Rose and went into Chip, and there was a second they took to stabilize Rose before the Doctor turned back to Casandra. "You can't-"
"She can," Y/n interrupted. All eyes turned to him. "I know them better than both of you. Casandra doesn't care about him, you're right. He deserves better, definitely. But... it's like the Ood. He doesn't care about free will like we do. He WANTS this, and so does she. It doesn't realy matter what we think they should do. They both want this."
The argument ended there.
"You at least have to stand trial for what you've done," the Doctor ordered.
"That would be rather dramatic. I'm afraid we don't have time for that, though. See, Chip's is only a half life and he's already been through so much. I can feel his little heart now. It's racing." She paused, head tilting. "He's failing." Another pause. "I don't think he's going to last-" And then she fell and Y/n shot out to catch her.
"You alright?" Y/n asked, raising a hand to brush his thumb against Casandra's cheek.
"I'm fine," she answered. There was a long pause where she considered that, and then changed her answer. "I'm dying... But that's fine."
"I can take you to the city-" the Doctor began.
"No you won't," Casandra interrupted. "The city is new. This world is new. There's no place for Chip and me anymore." She looked at the Doctor. "You were right Doctor. It's time to die." Y/n felt his face crumble and he forced it neutral, but Rose hadn't missed it. "And that's good," Casandra assured, looking at Y/n to raise a hand and touch his face.
"You know Sandy," Y/n said. The nickname came from the last time they talked. He hadn't used it since she had been revealed as a traitor. "How about we let you do one last thing? I know what you need." She looked at him, and they shared a smile. They knew what the other was thinking in that moment. Y/n and Cassandra both had never been so seen by someone else.
They took Casandra to the night of the tape she had been watching on loop for years to cope with her life decisions. The night that she was told she was beautiful for the last time. Y/n watched from a distance as his friend died, in the arms of the past self she had wished to be forever, but had lost long ago.
That day, Rose and the Doctor both held Y/n as he cried. They didn't ask what had been going on with him zoning out, or what Casandra had meant when she said she knew what was going on inside his head, that was for another day. Today, he cried, and they held him until he stopped, and afterward they continued their adventure and let him mourn in peace.
He deserved that at the very least.
-
Story Taglist: @shoochi @e-reads-fics
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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years
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For his entire tenure as an Avenger, Anthony Mackie had never been the first name on the call sheet.
In a galaxy of stars populated by Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson, the actor was aware of his place in the on-set pecking order, but would never miss an opportunity to make his presence felt.
“Number six on the call sheet has arrived!” Mackie would routinely shout on films like “Captain America: Civil War” and the box office-busting “Infinity Saga” sequels, according to Marvel chief creative officer Kevin Feige.
It exemplifies the sort of winning tone that the 42-year-old actor has brought to his superhero character the Falcon, aka Sam Wilson, for six movies from the top-earning studio — wry and collegial humor, with the potential to turn explosive at any moment. Both Mackie and his character are set to burn brighter than ever when the Disney Plus series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” lands on March 18.
On that call sheet, “Anthony is No. 1,” Feige is happy to report, “but it still says ‘No. 6.’ He kept it because he didn’t want it to go to his head.” The series is essentially a two-hander with his friend and longtime co-star Sebastian Stan, the titular soldier. All six episodes were produced and directed by Emmy winner Kari Skogland (“The Handmaid’s Tale,” “The Loudest Voice”). The series, for which combined Super Bowl TV spot and trailer viewership earned a record-breaking 125 million views this year, is reported to have cost $150 million in total.
For Mackie, though, the show comes at a critical time for both his career and for representation in the MCU. Sam Wilson is graduating from handy wingman (Falcon literally gets his job done with the use of mechanical wings), having been handed the Captain America shield by Evans in the last “Avengers” film. While it’s unclear if he will formally don the superhero’s star-spangled uniform moving forward (as the character did in a 2015 comic series), global fandoms and the overall industry are still reeling from the loss of Chadwick Boseman, who portrayed Marvel’s Black Panther to culture-defining effect. With this new story, Mackie will become the most visible African American hero in the franchise. And when asked whether he’ll be taking the mantle of one of its most iconic characters, he doesn’t exactly say no.
“I was really surprised and affected by the idea of possibly getting the shield and becoming Captain America. I’ve been in this business a long time, and I did it the way they said you’re supposed to do it. I didn’t go to L.A. and say, ‘Make me famous.’ I went to theater school, did Off Broadway, did indie movies and worked my way through the ranks. It took a long time for this shit to manifest itself the way it has, and I’m extremely happy about that,” Mackie says.
Feige says that, especially with the advent of Disney Plus and the freedom afforded long-form storytelling, the moment was right to give the Falcon his due.
“Suddenly, what had been a classic passing of the torch from one hero to another at the end of ‘Endgame’ became an opening up of our potential to tell an entire story about that. What does it really mean for somebody to step into those shoes, and not just somebody but a Black man in the present day?” says Feige.
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Like many comic book heroes, Mackie has an origin story marked by tragedy at a young age — specifically around the loss of a parental figure. The New Orleans native is the youngest of six children from a tight-knit middle-class family, whose trajectory was spun into chaos when his mother was stricken with a terminal illness.
“It was unexpected and very untimely. I was 15 when she was diagnosed with cancer, and a few months later, she was gone. She passed the day before my ninth-grade graduation,” Mackie recalls. “If my mom wouldn’t have passed away when I was so young, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Mackie had already gravitated toward the performing arts before the loss of his mother, having enrolled at the pre-professional school New Orleans Center for Creative Arts. Like many young people grappling with trauma, Mackie says he began to act out. A core group of teachers helped get him out of trouble. Ray Vrazel, still an instructor at the school, personally drove the student to a Houston-based audition for the University of North Carolina School of the Arts, where he was accepted for his senior year of high school.
“Everything I did, I did for my mama. The idea of leaving home at 17 to go away to school would have never been an option if she was still around. She was my best friend. Losing her gave me a kind of strength, and a desire to succeed,” Mackie says.
Succeed he did. Spending that formative year as a minor on a college campus helped Mackie find his “tribe,” a misfit crew of artists and performers, which propelled him to acceptance at New York’s prestigious Juilliard School in 1997. There he was part of the breakthrough class of students of color to be chosen for the notoriously selective drama program, which Mackie says was liberating given the institution’s track record.
“Our year was a huge transition. There were hardly any Asian people in the drama program, maybe one or two Black people and hardly any Black women. In our class, we had three black women, two black men, one Native American, one Asian female, out of 20 people. Ever since then, the classes have been wildly diverse,” says Mackie, whose fellow students included stage and film star Tracie Thoms and actor Lee Pace.
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Following his training, Mackie launched a staggeringly versatile career. He has played Tupac Shakur and Martin Luther King Jr. to similar acclaim, a juicehead bodybuilder in “Pain & Gain” and a homeless gay teen in the Sundance player “Brother to Brother.” He has exhibited remarkable staying power in an industry that often pigeonholes actors and has a pockmarked soul when it comes to inclusion.
“I was drawn to Anthony because of his electrifying ability to combine intensity with sensitivity, courage with compassion, and all of it comes across as inevitable, as if it could be no other way,” says Kathryn Bigelow, who directed him in the 2009 best picture Oscar winner “The Hurt Locker.”
Samuel L. Jackson, whom Mackie calls a mentor and has played alongside in several films, says he has “an innate quality that first and foremost makes everyone want to cast him.” On a recent idle Netflix search, Jackson came across Mackie’s latest sci-fi film, “Outside the Wire,” and it triggered a memory of sitting in the audience for his performance in the 2010 Broadway production of Martin McDonagh’s play “A Behanding in Spokane.”
“Watching him onstage, I thought, he’s a very adroit actor capable of putting on many hats. He’s fearless and will try to be anybody. Then, on my TV, he’s playing a nanobyte soldier or some shit,” Jackson says.
Though always humble about getting the next job, pre-Marvel Mackie was rarely offered pole position.
“There were certain pegs. My first was ‘8 Mile.’ It was a monumental step at the beginning of my career,” Mackie says of the 2002 Curtis Hanson film that elevated rapper Eminem to multi-hyphenate stardom.
“After that it was ‘Half Nelson.’ It blew up Ryan Gosling, so I was there to ride the wave. Then ‘The Hurt Locker,’ and it blew up Jeremy Renner. It was the joke for a long time — if you’re a white dude and you want to get nominated for an Oscar, play opposite me. I bring the business for white dudes,” says Mackie.
He remembers the sensation “Hurt Locker” caused during its awards season. It was a moment he thought would change everything as he stood on the stage of the Dolby Theatre with the cast and filmmakers, having just sipped from George Clooney’s flask while Halle Berry radiated a few rows away.
“I thought I would be able to move forward in my career and not have to jostle and position myself for work. To get into rooms with certain people. I thought my work would speak for itself. I didn’t feel a huge shift,” he says, “but I 100% think that ‘The Hurt Locker’ is the reason I got ‘Captain America.’”
He’s referring to “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” the 2014 Marvel film that was the first to be directed by Joe and Anthony Russo (the current title holders for the highest-grossing film of all time with “Avenges: Endgame”). Mackie says that blockbuster not only gave him his largest platform to date but changed expectations of superhero movies forever.
“It was the first of the espionage, Jason Bourne-esque action movies at Marvel. After that, the movies shifted and had different themes and were more in touch with the world we live in, more grounded,” he says.
Bolstered by the words of another mentor, Morgan Freeman, Mackie feels no bitterness about his path.
“We did ‘Million Dollar Baby’ together, and when we were shooting this movie, I got offered a play. When you do Off Broadway, it’s $425 a week. In New York, that’s really $75 per week. I got a movie offer at the same time, and it was buckets of money. Three Home Depot buckets of money were going to be dropped off at my door,” Mackie says. “The script was awful; the whole thing was slimy. I went to Morgan’s trailer and asked him what he would do. He took a second and said, ‘Do the play. When Hollywood wants you, they’ll come get you. And when they come get you, they’ll pay for it.’ That blew my mind, and I left him that day with such a massive amount of confidence. He’s been a huge influence on me.”
He used the currency of that first Russo Brothers film and five subsequent ones to do what many creators and performers in Hollywood have done in recent years to help balance the scales of profit and representation in content: make things on his own.
Last year, Mackie produced and starred in “The Banker” — what would be Apple Studios’ first foray into original streaming film distribution and the awards landscape — through his banner Make It With Gravy. The film follows the true story of America’s first Black bankers and the white frontman they deployed to acquire the institution, all while supporting Black-owned businesses and communities in the process. A late-breaking scandal over sexual misconduct accusations involving the real-life family members of the film’s subjects delayed the release, overshooting awards-season deadlines and entangling the fledgling producer.
“It was a good lesson, and gave me a new perspective on the world around us. It’s very important to me that the women by my side are treated equally. It was a valuable lesson learned. I was very humbled by my sisters, for once not being mean to me,” he says.
Mackie is in development on the film “Signal Hill,” about the early days of lawyer Johnnie Cochran and the theater he brought to courtrooms long before the O.J. Simpson trial, and is hoping to secure the life story of civil rights pioneer Claudette Colvin as a vehicle for his directorial debut. Raising four sons of his own now, Mackie wants his off-screen work to make them well-rounded men.
“Look at Robin Williams,” he says. “He used to be crass and funny, and then he had kids, and he started doing all these family-friendly movies. Same thing with Eddie Murphy. I’m trying to curate my children’s experience with the things that I’ll be producing, rather than starring in. That’s what is most important. They know my job is my job; they know who I am. I’ve given up the idea of them ever thinking that I’m cool,” he says.
Jokes about the call sheet are among many of Mackie’s filming quirks. Jackson says that sets are often littered with hidden cigar stubs, to be fired up between takes or after long days. Bigelow says his rapport with crew has led to nights where the “clock was ticking but it was impossible to regain composure enough to shoot.” But according to Evans, no Mackie-ism is more famous than the phrase he bellows whenever his directors cut a scene: “Cut the check!”
Evans says this “will be forever associated with Mackie. I find myself saying it on sets all the time. I love it. But I’ll never be able to say it as well as him.”
As the man handing Mackie his armor, Evan says the Falcon’s “role within the Marvel universe has answered the call to action time and time again. He’s proven his courage, loyalty and reliability over multiple films. Sam has given so much, and he’s also lost a lot too. He believes in something bigger than himself, and that type of humility is necessary to carry the shield.”
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The question of Sam Wilson’s humanity will be explored at length in “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” what Mackie calls a deeper showcase for both himself and Stan and their characters. It was a prospect that at first confused and frightened him.
“I didn’t think we could do on the television what we’d been doing on the big screen. I didn’t want to be the face of the first Marvel franchise to fail. Like, ‘See? We cast the Black dude, and now this shit is awful.’ That was a huge fear of mine, and also a huge responsibility with playing a Marvel character,” Mackie says.
He was quickly assuaged by the level of depth in the scripts from head writer Malcolm Spellman (“Empire,” “Truth Be Told”), especially when it came to the nuances of Wilson — a Black American man with no powers beyond his badass wings.
“Sam Wilson as played by Mackie is different than a Thor or a Black Panther, because he’s not from another planet or a king from another country,” Feige says. “He’s an African American man. He’s got experience in the military and doing grief counseling with soldiers who have PTSD. But where did he grow up? Who is his family? Mackie was excited to dig into it as this man, this Black man in particular, in the Marvel version of the world outside our window.”
Mackie celebrates Sam’s relatability in a universe full of mythological gods and lab-made enforcers. “I’m basically the eyes and ears of the audience, if you were put in that position where you could go out and fight alongside superheroes. It adds a really nice quality to him, that he’s a regular guy who can go out there and do special things,” Mackie says.
While bound by standard Marvel-grade secrecy, the actor confirms there have been no discussions of a second season for “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.” As the majority of domestic movie theaters remain closed due to the coronavirus pandemic, he is equally unaware of the theatrical prospects for his Falcon character — or the Captain he may become by the end of this Disney Plus run. For now, he’s content to take up the mantle left by Boseman, a quietly understood pact of responsibility to Marvel-loving kids the world over.
“For Chad and I, [representation] was never a conversation that needed to be had because of our backgrounds. There was a hinted-at understanding between the two of us, because we’re both from humble beginnings in the South; we have very similar backgrounds. We knew what the game was. We knew going into it,” he says.
Outside comic book movies, Mackie is not done searching as a performer. There is a particular genre he would very much like to cut him a check.
“My team gets mad at me for saying this, but I would love to do a cheesy old-school ‘When Harry Met Sally’-type of project,” he says. “One of those movies where I’m working outside and have to take my shirt off because it’s too hot. I want a romantic comedy. I want to do every movie written for Matthew McConaughey that he passed on.”
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viastro · 4 years
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three times a charm | lee jihoon
ミ★ synopsis: in which it takes three attempts for jihoon to finally tell you he loves you.
ミ★ genre: fluff, humor, first confessions!
ミ★ warnings: none!
ミ★ word count: 3,713
ミ★ pairings: jihoon x female reader
ミ★ notes: hi! finally wrote something for my love woozi! i wrote this while sobbing listening to sweet night on repeat so I hope you enjoy it LMAFKPWNG also! change up woozi,,, truly a cultural reset luv x
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You know how they say three times a charm? Well, I suppose you could say that in this circumstance, it wasn’t true at all. It took three attempts for Jihoon to finally confess and tell you that he loves you. Yes, that’s right.
Three attempts.
Three. Fucking. Attempts.
You and Jihoon have been friends for a while, both having an intense love for music. You actually met through a performance class you each had to take due to your major. You noticed how serious he was when it came to his work, and how much passion and energy he put into each performance. It truly amazed you.
Unlike Jihoon, who didn’t notice you until you sang for your performance test. He could say that right then and there, is when he first fell in love with something about you. He fell in love with your voice that day, and that’s when his interest in you began. You both didn’t speak until a few weeks later when you mustered up the courage to ask him to go get a coffee with you. That day, you discussed your passions, what inspires you, why you both chose Seoul University. A beautiful friendship began that day.
However, Jihoon was slowly falling in love with you the closer you both got. He would take notice in the way you’d cover your mouth as you’d laugh, afraid that there’s food in your teeth. The way you’d continuously run your hand through your hair when it’d fall in your face rather than put it in a ponytail. The way you’d offer him the first bite of whatever food you guys would order, or how you would always give him small gifts simply because you thought he’d like it.
Lee Jihoon, the man who rejects hugs when he doesn't initiate them, the man who hates skinship in general, would let you cling to him like a small koala. Whenever you two were together, you’re either holding his arm, squishing his face in your hands, or wrapping your arms around him from behind. There is no in between. 
The moment he knew he was in love with you was the day you cried on his lap at three in the morning. You were crying over a dog dying in the movie you both watched. Earlier in your guys’ friendship, he would’ve laughed at you. However, he just pat your head, giving you a small smile, but his heart was pounding against his chest. It was when you wiped your tears away and rolled over so that you were looking up at him, that he took notice of the way your eyes were sparkling. 
Jihoon fell in love with you that night because you held the whole galaxy in your eyes.
Here comes the mentally and physically exhausting part to this. Jihoon’s confession of his love for you. The first attempt was the most casual out of the three, but it failed rather horribly.
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“You’re crazy.” You giggle as you fold the chocolate chips into the batter. Jihoon rolls his eyes playfully, feeling his heart twinge at the thought of what he’s planning to tell you today.
Jihoon is gonna tell you he loves you today. He’s gonna fucking do it. 
“Oh yeah? Says the one who thinks it’d be cool to conduct a heist.” He retaliates, making you nudge him with your shoulder.
“And what of it? It’d be pretty epic. I watched Buzzfeed Unsolved’s episode on the museum heist, and I’ve watched plenty of the show Money Heist.” You explain, stealing a chocolate chip and placing it into your mouth. You take out another one, poking Jihoon so that he’d look at you. Jihoon looks up from rolling the second batch of cookies, glancing at you.
“Aahh..” You sound out, opening your mouth for Jihoon to copy. He rolls his eyes, opening his mouth for you to place a chocolate chip right on his tongue. 
“You watched like, one episode of Money Heist, and you fell asleep in the second half of that episode. I wouldn’t say you’ve watched plenty.” Jihoon tells you as he gets back to placing the balls of cookie dough onto the greased pan. 
“Okay first of all, I watched three episodes. Second of all, I was really tired that day cause you made me go on a run at six am.” Jihoon giggles at the memory, making you giggle back at him. He turns so that he’s facing you, and you look at him. His expression is a bit serious now, making you raise an eyebrow.
Now’s the time. Tell her you love her. 
“Yn, I l-”
“What’s that smell?” You interrupt, sniffing the air as you smell something… burning?
“Oh my god yn, the COOKIES ARE BURNING!” Jihoon shouts, turning off the oven immediately. You screech, grabbing the oven mitts and taking out your first batch of now black chocolate chip cookies that are emitting smoke. Jihoon grabs the other set of oven mitts, taking the pan out of your hands and rushing to your balcony and leaving it on the ground. 
He lets out a small sigh, now unable to go through with his plan because your house smells like smoke. 
“Sorry Ji, forgot to set a timer.” You apologize, poking your head out the balcony door. Jihoon looks up at you, feeling himself calm down at the sight of your smile.
“Just make sure to set the timer for the two other batches or else we won’t have a movie night snack.” He responds, stepping back into your apartment to roll the other batches.
Safe to say, he did not end up confessing to you that night. With your apartment smelling like burnt chocolate chips, he decided it’s best to do it another day with a set plan. You both just watched Itaewon Class for the rest of the night, snacking on the two successful batches of cookies.
The second time Jihoon tried to confess, he had a plan. It was a simple plan, but he couldn’t see where it could fail. Alas, we must remember that it took three tries before he finally was able to tell you his true feelings. 
━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━
“Where did Hoshi go?” You ask Jihoon as you walk around the mall, looking through shop windows to see what could potentially be a good gift. The three of you planned to go to the mall to go Christmas shopping, but what you don’t know is that Jihoon secretly planned to confess to you today. 
“He told me he had to go to the restroom and will catch up with us later. You know how his stomach gets when he eats pretzels.” Jihoon responds, making you giggle at the thought. You fail to notice the affectionate look in your best friend’s eyes as he watches you smile, but you’ve always been incredibly oblivious.
In reality, Hoshi ran off to go and pick up the bouquet of chrysanthemums at the flower shop, but of course you don’t know that. Jihoon’s plan is to go to the section of the mall where the christmas lights are up, and tell you he loves you, holding out the chrysanthemums to you. You’re both almost to the Christmas lights, when Jihoon’s phone rings. 
“Ah, give me a sec yn.” Jihoon tells you and you nod, waiting by the wall as he walks off to answer his phone. You look into the shopping bag you’re holding, taking a glance at Jihoon’s gift you sneakily picked up. You ordered it a week earlier, deciding that today was a good day to get it since the three of you were going to the mall. It’s a silver band with his initials in it, you knew how much he loved rings so you decided to get him a special one. 
“What do you mean the flower shop is closed?” Jihoon whisper-shouts into the phone, to which Soonyoung flinches on the other end.
“They’re not open! They closed at 12 in the afternoon.” Soonyoung says, and Jihoon lets out a loud sigh. He checks his watch, seeing that it’s literally 8:00 at night. 
“I fucking hate it here, okay. I’ll just confess without the flowers and give her them tomorrow or something.” Jihoon says, and Soonyoung agrees on the other end. Only for all the lights to shut off a second later. Those in the mall let out a loud scream, making Jihoon cringe.
“EEK! There’s a blackout!” Soonyoung yells, and Jihoon’s eyes widen once he remembers that he left you alone.
You’re scared of being alone in the dark.
“I need to go back to yn, turn on your flashlight. I’ll find you in a sec.” Jihoon says quickly, ending the call and turning on his flashlight. He walks over to where he last saw you, only for you to not be there. His eyes widen, not caring about the chaos that’s going on around him. He walks a bit further, only to see you sitting in the corner, face hidden in your arms. You’re not moving or flinching at the sound of those freaking out around you, but he can see the way your shoulders are shaking that you’re crying.
“Yn.” Jihoon breathes out, and you look up at the sound of his voice.
“Ji.” You mutter, standing up and running to him, wrapping your arms around his middle.
“You stinky bitch, how could you leave me alone like that.” You cry, making him tighten his hold around you.
“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. It’s okay, I’m here.” Jihoon reassures you, making you squeeze him tighter, shutting your eyes and breathing him in, letting his presence calm you down.
Jihoon did not confess that night either, knowing you were too frightened by the mall blackout. Instead, you both found Soonyoung when the lights turned back on, and went and got boba. Jihoon was feeling discouraged at this point, but he knew the third try would work. As the saying goes, three times a charm! Incorrect lee jihoon.
Incorrect.
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Jihoon had your favorite boba in hand, along with a bouquet of strawberries that he spent the time making with Soonyoung and Seokmin. He knows how much you love strawberries, and he saw the idea on Instagram, so he thought this was the move. It took one day to complete, but it looks great now. Today is the day he will tell you he loves you, today is the goddamn motherfucking DAY.
There’s no way I’ll fail a third time, three times a charm bitch! Jihoon tells himself as he enters the elevator of your apartment building. His hands are shaking as the elevator climbs up to the eighth floor. Once the elevator makes it to your floor, he steps out, making his way to your apartment only to freeze. There’s a man standing in front of your door, handing you a bouquet of pink roses. You smile widely, accepting them with a bow. 
The man is tall, much taller than Jihoon. He’s also handsome, hair slicked back, showing off his perfect eyebrows god damn it. Jihoon feels his heart sink, realizing that he’s too late. He slowly inches back, walking towards the elevator with a broken heart and a stupid strawberry bouquet that he’s gonna force Soonyoung to eat. 
What he fails to hear though, is you thanking your neighbor for bringing you the roses you ordered for your sister’s birthday. “Thank you so much for bringing them to me Mingyu! You know I could’ve just gone and picked them up at your shop.” You tell him, smiling widely at the flowers you bought.
“It’s no biggie, you’re my neighbor anyways. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s easier this way. I hope your sister likes them by the way! Make sure to keep them in your fridge until the day you drop them off.” He instructs and you nod, waving bye happily as he walks off in the direction of his apartment.
“These are so pretty, she’s gonna love them.” You mutter as you close the door, letting out a smile. You take a photo of the flowers, sending them to Jihoon.
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“Hey! How’d it go-” Soonyoung stops once he sees Jihoon slouching as he steps through the door. He places the strawberry bouquet on the table, along with the now half-empty boba. He walks into his room, locking the door behind him. 
“Awe man..” Soonyoung says disappointedly, sitting back down at the dining table. 
Jihoon belly flops onto his bed, curling up and forcing himself to fall asleep.
Now obviously, the third attempt did not work because Jihoon is stupid and just assumed what the situation was without asking. It could’ve worked out if he stayed for a second longer, but he didn’t. Instead, he spent the rest of his day taking a depression nap, with Soonyoung peeking his head in to place food inside.
The fourth, and final attempt, was successful.
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Jihoon wakes up the next day, groaning at the light pouring in through his curtains. He reaches out, grabbing his phone from his dresser. He sees the unread message you left him the day before, feeling his heart break a little more once he realizes there’s an image attached. He opens the message, seeing the pink bouquet in a vase in your fridge. 
“She doesn’t have to rub it in my face-”
Yn: look how pretty the roses are! Mina is gonna love them!! If you’re ever gonna buy flowers, go and check out Mingyu’s flower shop, he’s my neighbor! 
Jihoon sits up in bed immediately, eyes widening at the message, heart filling up with hope.
“Oh my fucking God. They’re for her sister.” Jihoon mutters, getting out of bed and walking out of his room.
“Hey Ji, I’m sorry about-”
“The flowers weren’t for her, they’re for her sister. I forgot she buys her flowers every Christmas.” Jihoon mumbles quickly, currently preoccupied with the fact that he no longer has boba for you and the strawberries are already turning bad. Well he did leave the strawberry bouquet on the table. 
“Fuck. How am I supposed to give her this?!” Jihoon yells, running a hand frustratedly through his hair. 
“I mean, you don’t have to? You can just give her that bracelet you bought-” Jihoon shoots Soonyoung a death glare, making him stop.
“Or not.” He says, slowly retracting himself from the situation. Jihoon’s phone rings, and he reaches into his pocket, taking it out to see you’re calling him.
“Hey yn.” Jihoon greets into the phone, and he hears you giggle excitedly.
“Let’s hangout! I have a gift for you.” You say, staring at the small box you wrapped. Jihoon feels himself freeze once he realizes he’ll have to give you the bracelet he got for you earlier than expected.
He was hoping to give you the bracelet on your birthday, which is in a couple weeks, but this will have to do.
“Me too, I’ll head over after my shower.” Jihoon motions for Soonyoung to go and grab the bracelet from his room. Soonyoung nods, rushing over into Jihoon’s room to snatch the gift.
“Okey! Be safe Ji.” You end the call, heading over to take out the brownies you made in the oven.
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“Merry Christmas!” You squeal once Jihoon enters your apartment, making him laugh.
“Merry Christmas Eve yn.” Jihoon corrects, giving you a pat on the head. He sniffs the air, heading straight to your kitchen once the scent of brownies hits his nostrils. He takes the corner piece, shoving it into his mouth.
“Hey! I wanted to have that one.” You pout, hitting his shoulder. Jihoon chuckles, taking the other corner piece and placing it in your hand.
“That’s why there’s four corner pieces, duh.” You roll your eyes, eating the brownie in one bite. 
“You wanna order chicken for dinner?” You ask as you and Jihoon head over to your living room, sitting down by your small christmas tree.
“Chicken and beer? The classic duo.” Jihoon says, which you take as a yes, I would like fried chicken for dinner. 
You fail to notice how nervous Jihoon is, but he’s currently shitting fucking bricks right now. He’s fumbling with the small box in the pocket of his sweatshirt, wondering when would be a good time to give it to you.
“Alright! The food is ordered, let’s watch Christmas movies until it arrives.” You take the remote, turning on the TV and going onto Netflix. 
I’ll do it after we eat, Jihoon thinks to himself.
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“Ah, I’m full.” You mumble, letting a burp escape your mouth as you lean back into the couch. Jihoon chuckles, letting out a small burp himself. 
“Okay so Ji, I have a gift for you.” You tell him after a beat of silence. You walk over to your small christmas tree and pick up the tiny box. You sit back down on the couch, and turn towards Jihoon.
His black hair is a bit messy, and his cheeks are tinged a pretty shade of pink. You’re curious as to whether he’s tipsy already, but he only had a sip of his beer. His mouth is partially open, and you glance down at your hands once you realize you’ve been staring for too long.
“I have a gift for you too yn.” Jihoon tells you and you look back up to see him reach into his sweatshirt pocket, now holding a small box in his hand. You both look into each other's eyes, and smile, handing each other your gifts.
“I have to tell you something-” You both start, bursting out into a fit of giggles after.
“You go first.” You say, pretending to pass him the mic. 
“I’ve tried to tell you this three times already.” Jihoon says with a nervous laugh, refusing to look into your eyes. You cock your head to the side, a small smile popping up on your face.
“Yn, you’re so precious to me.” You bite the inside of your cheek to try and stop yourself from audibly awe-ing out loud. 
“I uh, oh God I’m so nervous.” Jihoon laughs, looking up into your eyes. Your cheeks turn red at the intense stare he gives you, and he wants to reach up and cup your face, but he holds back.
“I love you yn, I really do.” Jihoon confesses, and you smile.
“I know, I love you too Ji.” You say casually, glancing back down at your hands, and Jihoon almost slaps himself in the face at the realization that you thought it was just him saying it in a friendly way.
“No, yn.” Jihoon reaches up and rests his hand on your cheek, making you suck in a breath. “Look at me, please?” You look back up into his eyes to see him staring at you with an expression you’ve seen before, but never was able to tell what it meant. 
It’s the look he’d give you when he thought you weren’t looking. The way he stares at you when you dance in the kitchen as you wait for the food to bake. The one he’d give you when you laugh and turn to glance at him.
“I’m in love with you, yn. I’ve been trying to tell you this for a month.” Jihoon says quietly, and you look down at your hands. You remove his hand from your cheek, picking up the gift from your lap and his, placing it onto the coffee table so that you don’t ruin it with what you’re about to do next. 
“Excuse me.” You mumble, cheeks burning with warmth, you climb onto his lap. Jihoon stares at you with wide eyes, leaving his hands resting by his sides, he notes the incredibly close proximity between you two.
“I never thought you’d finally confess.” You mutter, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to his lips. It’s like a switch goes off, and Jihoon finally wraps his arms around your waist, returning the kiss gratefully. You feel your stomach flip because woah. You end up smiling during the kiss, making Jihoon giggle against your lips. He pulls away to look at you with a big silly smile.
“Does that mean you feel the same way? I mean, you are on my lap right now.” Jihoon teases and you feel your cheeks turn bright red again, choosing to slap his shoulder as your answer. 
“Open your gift Ji, I think you’ll like it.” You whisper, getting ready to move off his lap, only for him to pull you closer with one arm as he reaches over to grab his gift off the coffee table with the other. 
“Small box, did you get me another flash drive for my songs again?” He asks and you giggle, shaking your head no. He opens the box, his eyes widening as the silver band reflects back at him. 
“I know how much you like rings, so I got this for you. It has your initials on the inside.” You explain as he lifts the ring carefully out of the box. Jihoon smiles at you, placing the ring on his pointer finger. 
“I love it, thank you yn.” He says, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. You squeak, feeling shy all of a sudden and he laughs.
“You’re the one who climbed onto my lap after my confession!” He exclaims and you laugh, hitting his shoulder again. “Stop, I’m shy now.” You tell him, reaching over and grabbing his gift. 
He watches you as you open it, and you let out a small gasp. It’s a silver bracelet with a heart charm in the middle. It also has your initials in it, and you smile widely. “So you copied my gift, huh?” You ask and he gasps.
“How dare you! I ordered that gift for you last month so technically, you copied me.” Jihoon fake argues with you, and you roll your eyes. 
“I love you, even though you did copy me.” Jihoon says and you giggle, nuzzling your head into his neck. 
“I love you too Ji, I’ve loved you for a long time.”
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And that is how our dear Lee Jihoon finally confessed his love for you after three attempts. I guess we could say...
third time’s the charm ?
eh.
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