#i understand theyre trying to be nice and all but i am not a child and im not asking for help

[queen-of-scissors]

I saw your "god of the multiverse" thing where reader tells them abt the other games theyve played and i just-- JFJSJFJEBOFJSNFEOFN I AM JUMPING SO HARD ON THIS HYPE TRAIN--

I only have two words for you.

Among. Us.

You're welcome.

BUT LIKE FR FR THO-- HOW WOULD THEY REACT?? Since the entire thing is literally cooperate or die for crewmate, or Eat Hot Chip And Lie / Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss for imp

And like, imagine them being named Dolos or Apate as a new epithet if they enjoy lying as crewmate to stir the pot or just regular lying as imp (dolos was the spirit of trickery, apate was the personification of deceit-- you can make either kaeya, albedo, ruebedo or dain give the title since theyre all from khanriah)

Or like-- they could also be rlly uncomfy with being imp and just being a model crewmate and they could be given the epithet Eleos or Anteros because of it

Just-- THSKFJSKDJWJ soooo many possibilities for reader/creator

And like-- oh my gOD IMAGINE THEM TRYING TO MAKE THE ACOLYTES PLAY IT AHAHAHA

The murder?? Theres gonna be a LOT

Sorry if there was a lot, i just rlly enjoy what you've written so far!! Have a nice day :))

GOOD SHİT GOOD SHİT THATS SUM GOOD SHİT RİGHT THERE!!!!

First, explaing the game.

Everyones reactions will be diffrent about it, no matter how you explain it;

The scared ones

Noelle, Diluc (brother flashbacks),Barbara, Bennett, Razor (lupical PROTEC lupical!! NO KİLL), sucrose, Jean, Yelan (you... Kill your friends??)

The impressed ones

Kaeya, Childe, Venti, Hu Tao, Yanfei (sees it as a usefull skill), zhongli (MF is impressed by anything u do smh), Lisa, Ei, Yae miko

The confused ones (what why would you?)

Ganyu, Xiao, Diluc, İtto (doesn't even understand the rules), kuki shinobu, Kazuha

"İ WANNA TRY!!! oh wait does this count as blasphemy-"

Childe, Venti, Albedo, KLEE (actually thinks it like a game), Yelan (ok since you said its not actually killing them i wanna try), İTTO, Nahida (knows its a game), Heizou

Now if we were the imposter you are right. İt doesnt matter if you are bad at it, they are going to call you as some god that has been assosiated with trickery.

İ wrote a story about it. But didn't make the reader as imposter because no one wouldn't dare to say you are an imposter. Even as a joke

ESPECİALLY if it was a traitor!AU. Tough im not sure that they would even play if that were the case

-----------------------

İ made the story of how you got the title a bit long, i hope you like it :)

More under the cut!

______________________________________

"Have you guys ever played 'vampire'?"

Your voice echoed in the throne room, they looked confused, they weren't expecting your answer to be another question.

You were bored out of your mind. Watching people come and go in the room just for them to ask for your guidance about daily stuff was a pain, both phsicaly and emotionaly. So you opened your phone to get a bit of a downtime while no one was there to ask for your divine wisdom.

"Forgive my rudeness, Your highness. But... What does that have to do with it?" Said Albedo, who got there for your divine wisdom.

"You asked what i was doing in my device, so in order for me to answer, you must for answer my question."

"Vampires..." He mumbled "aren't those imaginary, humanoid monsters that drink blood to survive?"

"Ah, ok. i see that you never played."

"Play what exactly?"

"So its a game about a group of villagers trying to find a vampire/werewolf among them.

You choose one host, and that person controlls the whole game, The other players all close their eyes and the host walks among them, and picks a vampire.

Each night, the vampire chosses someone to kill and that person is eleminated, and each day, the other players try to find the vampire and kill them.

İf they choose the wrong person that person is also eliminated."

Acolytes look at eachother, that sounds so fun?!(deffinetly not the kill eachother without killing eachother one is the reason not at aaaallll)

"Ohh, İ see," Kaeya said, impressed "so this game also tests you ability to not get caught and lie, as well as finding lies. This is interesting!"

"...turnes out, you might have a chance after all, since the creator favors imposters and all." Diluc half whispered to him.

Lets pretend we didn't hear him for his sake.

"Yeah so on my phone im playing it but this version is harder."

"OHHH i wanna try!" Klee said exitedly!

Jean stoped her "Klee, the creators device is a holy one, so we cant just ask them to give it to us for our desires."

"Actually i dont mind! Does anyone else wanna play?"

The smartest yandere ones were having a light yagami moment ("if i agree to play they might think im a murderer and discard me but if i don't play they will think im avoiding these types of games because im a murderer myself and i would get discarded again. Oh i know, i will wait someone to take the bait and say 'of everyone is playing then i will too' then no one will suspect me hahahahHAHAHA İTS ALL ACORDİNG TO PLAN-)

"İm... Sorry your Grace but... İ think i will just watch." The depressed Yaksha said, he hates to dissapoint you but he doesnt want to kill people that he concidered friends, even if its fake.

Zhongli looked at you and his gaze softened.

"İ shall join if Your highness would join as well."

"But of course!!" There is no way you're going to miss THİS OPPORTUNİTY.

_____________________________

The game.

This isn't the game where you taught them how to play. (Which... Took like.... 3 whole days. İm not writing that)

Yae and Venti (a dangerous duo smh) asked for your permision to make the event prised. You agreed, this might make things more fun! They didn't told you what it was though.

PLAYERS: ChildE, Bombombaku (Klee), windbornbard (Venti), foxlady (Yae miko), Rockhead (zhongli(venti messed it up)), (your choise of player name), COOLGUY (itto), Al Haitham, Ei, Dreamy (Nahida)

.

.

.

İt started as you being a crewmate. The god team were immediatly on your side, attempting to keep an eye on you. But as soon as you shot them an angry glare from across the room, they left you alone.

you were a bit worried that the imposter was going to get too scared and not kill you for the whole game just because you are the creator, and having the gods in Real life be at your Side even in the game might scare them even more.

You watched as rockhead leave the caffeteria, Ei going to the opposite direction from him. But windbornbard did not move at all. Not even an inch.

You made your character walk up to him, wondering if he is having connection problems, just as you tried to get him to move, he killed you and ran away.

..... That smart mother fu-

Honestly, you weren't mad at all, (just a bit if you game rage alot like me) because this could help to ease tention in the first few rounds.

You followed windbornbard a little, wondering if he is going to get another kill. You both passed the boiler room and through security camera room. Seeing other players and fake tasking.

.

DEAD BODY FOUND

Your toughts were cut short as they discovered COOLGUY's body.

Windbornbard gasped "the creator is dead?!"

Your throne room was filled with whispers, and angry mumbling, completely forgetting that COOLGUY is also dead (poor itto).

"Who would dare such a thing?! İ tought the gods were going to be at their Side the whole game!" ChildE said panicing, as if you actually got killed.

Al haitham picked on quickly, "if there was an agreement on protecting them. That can only mean that one of the archons is the traitor."

"Maybe, both of the imposters are gods?" Foxlady spoke in her teasing voice, profably to see Ei's reaction. "After all, theres only one way that they can get away with this, trap them and leave no witnesses behind."

"What you are saying is unlikely," Dreamy objected. "if that were the case, one of the archons would be dead as well, as all of us promised to protect them, one of us would have to witness the murder and the second imposter would kill the other god."

"Uhhhh... Guys?? İm also dead??? HELLO???"

Rockhead cutted in. "Sadly, we cant make any assumptions on who killed our creator, since we all parted ways to do our tasks by ourselves when..." He trailed off in the end, Coughing to hide his emberrasment, he didnt want to admit that he got scared.

"Then im voting to skip the vote." Windbornbard said. Someone find this man, you can't deal with his smug face if he wins!!

And thus, everyone skiped the meeting an no one got voted out.

-------

Next round you decided to do your tasks. That might help the crew a bit. While you go through the corridors you noticed Al haitham and windbornbard is going to somewhere together, and its not the first time you caught them walking Side by side. You're not sure if Al haitham got suspicious of venti or he is an imposter as well. Either way its an interesting duo. Maybe you should check the cameras.

You went to security room and looked through.

Blockhead was standing in the corridor, watchin Ei from a distance.

ChildE was avoiding everyone, immideatly leaving if the room has a player inside, he is taking it so seriously, he is profably not an imposter, you thought.

Klee was getting in and out of the rooms, Following random people and waiting just besides the door. İt suspicious but it could be that she is just exited to play.

You closed the security camera window, and looked across the real world room instead.

İtto placed the phone you gave him to his side and crossed his arms, pouting because he was the first one to die. Trying to look at other peoples phones from where he stood, to find the other imposter.

You could see the sweats forming at zhongli's forehead. He was SUPER concentrated. Why was he, amongst all of the other acolytes, being so serious about it anyway?

You looked at the traitor, who realised you were looking at him and smiled at you. You smiled back, at least one of them is having fun!

Suddenly his smile grew bigger and went back to his phone. Uh-oh he has an idea doesnt he.

EMERGENCY MEETİNG

"AL HAİTAM STOP FOLLOWİNG ME" he partly screamed.

"You misunderstand me, i was just following to make sure you are not a traitor."

"Oh realy?! Then explain why while we were in the room to the east, the doors were locked and you started to chase me?"

"...that did not happen."

Foxlady cutted in "now that you mention it, i do remember that one of the rooms that had my tasks was blocked by a door."

"İM VOTİNG AL HAİTHAM" windbornbard said. İts all going acording to plan hehehehehe. Some other started to back him up as well.

"Wait."

Everyone in the room turned to Blockhead.

"İ understand that all the evidence seems to be targeting hım. But i know my bard friend here for quite long, i can tell when he is being serious." He looked at windbornbard, "could it be that you are trying to blame Al Haitham for your crimes against our creator?"

"You seem to have quite the imagination old friend" he said calmly, imitiating him "it is as you say, we've known eachother for a few thousand years after all. So i too, can read your emotions."

Venti once again turned to you "your highness said so themselves, it is just a game afterall, so theres no need for me to treat it as a war between rivals. Of course im not in my serious mood."

He turned back to him "now thats out of the way, i must ask, why did you gets so offensive and tried to protect Al Haitham? Kind of... What was the world? SUS? don't you think?"

You almost burst out laughing, it was so funny hearing it from him, he sounded like a grandpa who is learning internet lingo, despite his youmg voice.

"Are you suggesting that, i am the one who killed the creator?"

"Now i didn't say that, you could be the one that killed 'COOLGUY', since you have strick policies when it comes to the creator."

They glared at eachother while Ei voiced her opinion. "What bard sais sounds very belivable, while mr Zhongli also made a convincing point. İ suggest that we vote Al Haitham, and if he does turn out to be an imposter, we can figure out from there."

"Well, it seems i can't get myself out of this one even if i try. İt was a very fun game." Haitham sighed. He accepted defeat, just like that? This isn't like him.

"İ expected for you to fight a bit more over this, not gonna lie"

"İ was more interested in the gameplay, rather than the prize itself. So being able to see the working mechanics was enough for me."

"Ah i see, maybe i can teach you sometime?" You asked innocently, not caring of the angry glares that turned to him as soon as you said that.

"İ belive the academia would bother us as soon as we got out, so that wouldnt be productive." He crossed his arms, knowing that this knowladge could profably get him killed. "But i do appriciate the tought, thank you, your highness"

Everyone hold their breath as the result was written in the stars.

AL HAİTHAM WAS THE İMPOSTER

-------------

Everyone, including the ghosts stayed in the positions they spawned in. What now? Do they do an emergency meeting again and vote zhongli off? But is this right to assume right away? Should they wait a bit longer for evidence?

Before the meeting cooldown ends, everyone finally made up their mind. They all went back to their tasks.

You almost finished all of them, but the bar was only half full. Acolytes are too busy trying to find the last imposter that everyone seem to forget doing tasks causes instant win.

This round was worse, the lights go out, random doors closing and opening, causing panic among people, but venti was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he is doing this because he paniced, He has to kill 6 players all by himself afterall.

EMERGENCY MEETİNG

Ei, Klee and Dreamy died

"hOLY shit- 3 people died?!" İtto screamed.

"This can only mean one thing.." childE said, he was the one that pressed the meeting button. "Mr. Zhongli, care to explain?"

Everyone in the room looked at both of them

"İm not sure what you mean, Childe, would you be as kind as to enlighten me?" He said calmly, but it was obvious that he was getting irritated.

"The whole round, the rooms were randomly opening and closing. İ can tell that was a trap to create confusion, windbornbard has experianced the same thing. Only the smart ones that are experianced with faking their identities can think of this trick."

Oh this was a personal attack-

"İ agree with your opinion, however, i suggest that you choose the next words carefully, afterall, there is only 3 players left. İf we happen to fail finding the imposter now. We might not win this game."

Foxlady stoped both of them, realising this conversation contains topics from Real life"now now, lets not fight, even though the prize is grand, it is just a game after all."

Yeah what is the prize anyway?

She added "But i must say, what you said is quite right, only the ones that has an experiance to fake their identities can in fact create confusion skillfully"

"See? She agrees with me-"

"Hey now, have some manners. Don't you know that it's rude to interrupt while a lady is speaking?" She teased. ChildE cursed himself for being overly exited while she continued;

"However, the reasoning for you to claim blockhead- ah i meant Mr Zhongli- is an imposter is not realy a strong one. Since everyone in this room have experianced acting as another person."

Venti jumped in "yeah, aren't YOU the one that uses a fake identity in the first place? Harbinger of shneznaya?"

"How curious," zhongli added "blaming people is exactly what the imposter would do. İf i hadn't known better, i would have said that you are the imposter that is trying to cover up."

Yae raised a Brow "hmm? Do you have something else to say?"

"Not that it matters of course, but i have noticed that my usually talkative friend seem to be rather silent." He eyed Venti "And we have accused hım for being an imposter before."

"İm just watching, as you guys make this whole game about yourselves. İ have been having fun with my tasks!"

"Oh realy?" Yae teased, "what was the last task that you have done?"

"İ... Uh... The wires?"

"Which ones?"

"İn the.... Upper part of the ship."

"İs there even wires on there?"

"Yes there is! İ meant the caffeteria!"

"You were having fun with matching colors? My aren't you childish~"

"İ uhh well- you asked me the last task i've done! Not my favorite one!"

"Why are you stuttering bard?" Zhongli pressed on.

"You never got questioned by the shrine Maiden?! She is scary" he whispered

"Of course not, unlike you, i am not someone that causes trouble."

"OH come on! Why are you all mean to me all of a sudden?!"

"Yeah im voting him." Said childE.

"İm only voting for you because you told me im scary and that hurt my feelings" she laughed.

"Well, Barbatos, any last words?"

"İ was sooo close, thats not fair ;;"

WİNDBORNBARD WAS THE İMPOSTER.

Crewmates win!!

__________________________

.

.

.

.

Childe stoped you from leaving. "Your highness, do you have a moment?"

"İ guess? What is it?"

"Since this competition doesnt realy have öne winner. How do we know who won?"

"Zhongli, Yae miko and you won, because all of you survived untill the end."

"....does that mean you will go on a date with all of us..?"

"Wait what-? A date??"

"Fox lady said that the winner is going to have a date with you."

"İ DİDN'T KNOW THAT????"

"THEY DİDNT TOLD YOU?!"

_____________

The whole tevat was mourning their loss. The day you were killed by the hands of someone they knew you held dear, there were offerings to your shrine, silent appologies were made.

The weather was rainy, as the world cried with your followers.

This is the scene you were greated with as you walked towards the shrine that made for you, after giving the winner the... Prize...

"Uhh guys.. im not dead?"

"Sometimes we can still hear their voice..."

Your acolytes was eternaly happy for your short visit ("guys i didn't leave-"). You never died. Anyone could still feel your presence when they looked at the sky, to the infinity.

You are the

İnfinity.

The undying one...

"Oh your Grace welcome how have you been? :D"

"The game was fun and all, but do you guys have to make everything dramatic?"

"Speaking of the game, were you the one that found the imposter? But got killed because of it? "

"Man i wish. Maybe next time i won't die immediatly!"

______

#genshin sagau #sagau #sagau brainrot #self aware genshin #sagau x reader #genshin impact sagau #genshin isekai #genshin impact venti #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #genshin cult au #genshin imagines #among us

[cult-of-dollbabies]

Alright here's some thoughts on s2 ep5, spoiler warning

I had to rewatch/skim through it this morning bc the fight scene gave me such secondhand embarrassment that it literally fucked up my processing and the whole time I was like 😀 is this real.

Watching it again was fine but dear god the puppetry.. Anywho, the moments with Lexi and Nadine were my favorite by far, Nadine drawing a relation to assure Lexi she's safe to come to,, "you know how moms are, they do their best to make you happy, right?" And this is what made Lexi come out, she knows some things about neglectful mothers, and losing a parent, I think that in a way she wanted to be there for Nadine, too. They're there for each other despite hardly knowing one another, and yes Lexi seems to still have bully tendencies but I think Nadine will influence her development in being better, and especially her recovery. Nadine lightening the mood, helping her collect the pills and flush them was so tender and a huge step, if I'm being honest I shed a few tears, I love them sm (also Nadine autism real)

Love how hard it is to tell if Scout (or good chucky.. since thats rlly the name theyre settled on) is faking or not. Hes raised some red flags, he still has impeccable aim w/ blades, saying sum creepy shit in a suspiciously childlike manner, (i know this is the same as the last ep but this time it almost feels emphatic) Chucky is known for his manipulation and hiding in plain sight tactics, if it turns out it was all an act, can't say I'd be too surprised, "like I finally figured out what I'm for" was actually quite eery.

...that being said I am NOT immune to chucky manipulation this was fucking CUTE

Cant wait for Father Bryce to die, sister Catherine's the only one with sense clearly, that's all I have to say about that

I'm on Devon and lexis side but on the other hand I don't think Chucky could even pretend to be nice, let alone admit to finding god or something behind a closed door ( I fuckin lost it when he held the Bible up, ain't no way, and where'd he pull that from??) and also be willing to get baptized , personally i don't think hes faking but more like the brainwashing is wearing off.. like a ticking time bomb. I thought Jake baptizing him was strange at first but watching again it feels like he was only trying to help Scout feel better, like with a child, and we all know by now Jake is attached and using him to cope with losing his foster brother, (another scout-might-be-faking-and-manipulating-jake bit, the joker line) it's understandable, but dammit Jake please stop disregarding your boyfriends very real concerns! And Nadine definitely doesn't know what Chuckys capable of, yet, but I feel like she'll find out very soon.

the series feels more shocking than scary, and some of the humor between serious parts just feels too silly for me, I want to take it seriously but I can't

...now. About the end, boy oh boy, this is where I'm sour

Seen and had a couple ideas for who the hell Cornell was and its.. bald.. Russian chucky? Tf is that? I think they were trying to do a twist but it's .. so underwhelming. And as if he hasn't been through enough we come to find Andy's been.. getting tortured, for what we can assume to be a year, hes gotta be so broken, he doesn't know Kyle's alive, either. That is.. it's such a letdown, I'm so tired of seeing Andy be tormented, I'm not watching this to get sad, I prefer the theory that he was maiming those chuckys, at least that way he'd have some kind of payback and not another year worth of trauma. Im assuming Kyle, Glenda and Nica will try to find him and it cant happen soon enough. I actually lost sleep over this.. I'm serious, not in a fear or disturbed way either in a for the love of god just let him be happy for more than five seconds please kinda way :(

Hopefully it gets better, now I just want to see Andy be saved, not very ready to see the state he's in though..

#ill make other posts but writing this took me all. day. #chucky series #chucky spoilers #as always id love to hear you guys thoughts

[maddestmewmew]

1, 2, 3, and 12 for raz psychonauts

starts growling and gnawing on something i fucking love you razputin aquato

1-IM REALLY REALLY BAD AT EXPLAINING WHY I ENJOY THINGS I JUST KIND OF . DO. umm i really like how he Feels like a kid like . hes written As A Kid but not like baby waby but also not a small adult. he does things like impulsively run away w 0 planning, idolize adults in his life, squabble with his siblings, freak out about kissing a girl for the first time while also not understanding the emphasis on romance..hes so 10 years old i think..i love that hes a Good Kid and hes friendly and wants to help people, but he also like. he can be a little shit sometimes. a real stinker. kid that would fortnite dance after setting you on fire. also his autism swag

2-grghgfh mm probably id have to say . the fact that he soso genuinely Wants to help people. like. hes really nice to most of the other campers, sure he teases them and claps back when theyre being dicks, but he seems to genuinely care abt them..remembering all their names and little facts abt them even tho they just met last night..also he goes out of his way to help the thorny towers patients when he Does Not Have To. ik this isnt really an intended thing but if you interact w gloria Before trying to enter the elevator, youll still get the mission to help her. same goes for the other residents but gloria stands out to me the most because you Have to interact w her before talking to crispin. he genuinely genuinely genuinely cares about people so much auuu

3. GOD. WRACKING MY BRAIN. THERES HONESTLY NOT MUCH TO DISLIKE ABT HIM?? like other than ways that psychonauts 1 is a bit outdated . see the use of the g slur . but thats not a character trait of raz thats like . thats bc the game is older than i am. and like, faults that raz has. i Do Not dislike them i think they make him more fleshed out, like how he tends to lowkey ignore boundaries set to do what he thinks is right, i actually really like that it makes him feel more realisitic idk..so honestly i have no answer here, i love raz

I HAVE SO MANY ok the obvious universal ones are that hes autistic and a little funky on gender. everyone knows this i am not unique. uhh i think hed be Awful with pets . this is Not a child u can give a hamster to. i think he and chloe keep in touch after camp, i know this is just bc chloe is one of my favorite but i think they should be friends. i think. i KNOW the fandom loves the whole “raz finally breaks down” thing but i dont think this would happen im sorry . i think raz would be one of those people who think they had a reletively normal and untraumatic childhood until he brings it up to someone and theyre like what. the fuck. uhh i think he likes some typically feminine stuff like makeup and nails..i cant think of anything else off of the top of my head and i cant sit and think bc i have to go to work but raz i love you so much

ask game

[guideaus]

late tristamp 8 thoughts

the voice filter thing makes rem (?) outright sound like a robot

i see knives and vash have different origins

sc-fi that has shit be like the most transparent tablet or whatever is so funny, its reminds me of d/bh (🤢🤮)

hate knives being less enthusiastic. i think them being different isnt automatically bad, and even if he was like hitting puberty before vash and maybe going through adolescence he still deserves respect, but it does kinda hint that he's the "bad" one. and i hate that evil/good twin shit lol

this cutting straight to the fall kind of makes it interesting. at least makes you go "oh, wow, i wonder what happened" as opposed to starting the show off with it

tristamp might be assigning more guilt to vash concrening knives? if knives is telling the truth. in the manga and anime knives just fucking... hacked smth idk, while here knives makes it sound like vash let him in on a little secret to the "explode all ships" button he instantly regretted

i cant take his voice actor seriously though

rem didnt shove them in diff clothes in this adaptation??

this makes it a bit more gruesome, vash being near the corpses instead of the twins watching afar

i wonder how tristamp will make knives here if he isnt even attempting to deal w vash and he gets easily taken away

this woman just knows to look for plant characteristics?? its not even a surprise thing during a doctor's checkup??

i can see theyre changing the lore w the seeds ships if theres just casual people walking around fine like there wasnt a cataclysmic event just then

they handcuffed a child... what are they gonna do, put him on trial?

is this woman a fucking plant expert. i thought they were all regarded as top-secret lab experiments, esp w vash and knives being the first "independents". why does she know. or is she info dumping

Either knives and vash are much younger, or conrad did get an intentional life extending thingy

orange not changing rem's name is so funny. knives got nai, but her last name is still just "save" added onto her first name. why not seibrem!!!

also we're the same height :)

the guy (brad?) is really annoying.

what the fuck is their food

rip luida's appearance. orange said "not cute anime waifu? GROSS."

i genuinely wonder why they put brad and luida here. are they just trying to take a short cut between making vash visit his home and connecting the backstory

IS LUIDA LYING ABOUT REM?? DID REM NOT HELP ANYONE?!?!? AM I UNDERSTANDING THAT SCENE RIGHT???

this ep also has the problem of the world looking lifeless, itd be understandable if it was explained (everyone else died, theyre hiding, etc.,) but it seems like its literally just luida and brad here. I genuinely cant tell if shes lying abt other survivors or orange cant afford more models to show them lol

are they trying to make vash repeat after knives. or is it unintentional? i feel like vash wouldnt want to copy knives after the fall tho lol. i might be reading too into it, but they did choose almost the exact same words, so..

why are they keeping vash locked up lol. wouldnt luida just trying to have him help with like... whatever someone can imagine is going on there (idk, orange wont show us anything) to possibly sway him even if he has ulterior motives. he's not even hurt, theres no reason she'd act nice and do that, i feel if vash wasnt depressed atm he'd become scared of them. theyre treating him like a decorative plant

we finally barely see bland people BUT HOW ARE THE PEOPLE SAYING HOW GROSS HE LOOKS WHEN HE LOOKS JUST LIKE THEM FSDGHDHS??? in the 90s anime, it made sense when ppl were freaked out by watching how quickly they aged around them, but theres no reason for them to be acting like this to him. he's locked up, so that one thing where ppl assume "locked up" = "they must have done something to deserve it (his treatment)", couldve come into play, but calling him gross lol?? maybe making fun of his outfit at most or smth but??

WHY DO THEY ALL WANT HIM DEAD SO BAD FJHDJD??? its not even a "this is against the rules" thing (which could work bc in this universe, they were all alive pre-fall), but they just want him dead for some reason...

more bland people

vash is a plant empath

WHY ARE THEY SO OPPOSED TO HIM LMAO

i don't think i like the presentation of rem's iconic speech. there's no context shown for it, i was scared luida was gonna take it, but here its just loosely connected. in fact, i don't think it really matches at all. originally it was about rem and vash wanting to die, they argue you have something to live for, and vash uses it to be hopeful and say people can change even when they've done bad. here it gives off the impression that vash can live to be useful to the humans, therefore he'll finally earn their respect (which is bad lol). even if its related to vash's apparent guilt of knives being able to drop everyone from the sky, its not clear enough. the audience doesnt know the context

SHE SAYING IT AS SHE'S DYING?? why would she think either kid would ever hear it, lol. i feel it doesnt fit any situation in tristamp, im more focused on the plant than what she's saying, so frankly its kind of leaving my mind as shes saying it despite me already knowing it

the plant reminds me tristamp elendira looks like that :/

i guess vash's power here is healing steven universe style, but just through minimum contact ig

he now has an appetite (trying to live), his handcuffs coming off, and a new bed. absolutely feel like a reward for his actions... it feels bad... that absolutely gives him new problems and i dont think it was intentional. thats not good for a 2 y/o, lol. somehow orange repeated the manga's introduction better here than in the reboot's own 2 first eps...

the stuff with tristamp wolfwood and brad just isnt funny. in the manga/anime, brad had that immature attitude to show off in front of jessica, he was also jealous of vash for being an older bro type and jessica had a crush on him, so he felt like the competition. here he's just... being an asshole? the "yeah, he did something useful, i guess he can get a bed now" doesnt feel like a lot. luida too, she apologizes, but doesnt explain why they did that (and that its inexcusable)

so is he using up his powers in tristamp too, or.

HOW ARE THE RESIDENTS STILL CONCERNED ABOUT HIM. BY THE TIME HES A TEEN THEY SHOULD BE REVERING HIS ASS?? or abusing him

hes a little lanky teen, awww

why did they give him a jacket that's too big, lol. its like they found a random one advertising their company and just let him have it. and not a single other character has a similar jacket

OH MY GOD BRAD IS BACK TO BEING IRRATIONAL. no "Hey, kiddo... what's this?" COME ON. luida collapses too, like werent you the smarter, nicer one??

vash runs away out of fear, so ig maybe he would have done that before.

why did vash kind of hide his running away letter. hes copying rem

brad is back to feeling guilty?? what the fuck is going on. pick one. frankly, itd make sense for him to think "running away" = "guilty" with how he started

i dont know why they cut to the present for 30 seconds just to go back in time again

it sucks no one was nearby when vash woke up, but that might be hard for orange. idk why they cant have more than 3 characters in a scene

#personal #trigun stampede spoilers #anyways not the worst tristamp ep but like still a lot of things

[quodekash]

Why The Entire Harry Potter Epilogue Sucks

most of this has definitely already been said before but I have Thoughts™️ and I need to get them all out in one place. also warning this is very long because my thoughts are big and i talk too much 

first, the overall problems (and everything im gonna talk about is the author’s fault cos she wrote it, but this part is more directly her fault so this section could also just be called Me Hating A Bigot): 

Why did she make them all end up with their high school sweethearts? just to satisfy the shippers? i mean i dont entirely hate it that much, like its fine, book hinny actually have chemistry and i can imagine book romione going through a lot of bumps in their relationship but smoothing it out and figuring it out after a few years. and yeah they’ve all been through a lot together, and that creates a really tight bond between two or more people, but the point still stands. (my point being: high school relationships are stupid and pointless. (if you want to debate me on this, go ahead. try and change my mind. (this is genuine, i want to hear your reasons and give you my reasons, debates are fun)))

Draco’s wife. Why. Like, i have absolutely nothing against Astoria Greengrass, I’m sure she’s lovely (we never meet her other than like maybe in Cursed Child at some point? but i read that once and am electing to ignore it forever so lets imagine i never said that). it’s not even a problem with how the author made him marry a woman even tho he’s very much a gay man, it’s the problem that he didn’t get the redemption he very much deserved. he had like two or three shining moments. and even then they weren’t so much shining, more... glistening like sweat. but she couldve tried so much harder with him. she wouldnt even have to change the plot of the books at all. just make him marry... not a pureblood. dont make this character have to continue the legacy of purebredness that he almost definitely despises. instead, let him marry a muggle. or a muggleborn. or a half-blood chosen one who defeated the dark lord with draco’s own wand. or just anyone that isnt a pureblood, cos we dont know much about it, but we can only assume that it was an arranged marriage and neither of them actually wanted it, they were just doing it for the sake of their families. which sucks. and also all the purebloods are already related so just... dont make the incest continue, no one wants it. 

the names of the kids... i dont like it. well, most of it. naming your kids after your dead parents? that’s fine. it could be a little confusing at times, but they’re nice names and its sentimental. and james’ middle name? i have no problem with it. james sirius potter is a perfect naming choice. definitely not a PREfect naming choice, but absolutely a PERfect naming choice.  -and lily luna potter has a ring to it. and i know luna is important, and i know we love luna. but it couldn’t have been like... lily molly potter, so that ginny’s side of the family could be part of it? it couldn’t have been lily minerva potter, to honour the greatest character of the series? it couldn’t have been... other names i cant think of that wouldve been better than lily luna? but overall i dont hate the name lily luna that much, i can deal with it. -as for hugo and rose, as far as i know they dont have middle names? but i just want to know where the names come from. were they just names that they picked out that Felt Right? cos if so i have absolutely no problems with that. it may be that theyre hermione’s parents names? (speaking of which did she ever get to take them back from australia? adding on to that, did her parents know they were from britain when she erased their memories? cos i highly doubt they wouldve magically gotten aussie accents and their voices wouldve stood out pretty clearly, so would they just be Very British but think they’re perfect bogans and never understand why people look at them funny?) But i dont think it is cos ive always assumed that hermione’s mums name is jean cos it’s hermione’s middle name. also i did some extensive research (*cough* a quick google search *cough*) and the name Rose means flower, femininity, that kind of thing, which is sweet, and Hugo means mind or intellect or something like that, which reflects hermione being smart. so those make sense. -but then we get to albus severus. i love the character, he is pure and must be protected. however, the name... no. harry decided to name his kid (the middle child, aka literally the most overlooked one, so there’s the neglected feelings that generally come from being a middle child there already) after two dead guys. “but egg”, you may be thinking, “james sirius was named after two dead guys, too.” Ah, very astute, dear reader, but you’re missing two crucial pieces of information: james and sirius were excellent people who positively affected harry’s life in a lot of ways. Albus and Severus, on the other hand, were people who: emotionally manipulated him, abused him, hated him, raised him as a pig for slaughter, one of them killed the other, and they were both old and sad cos their loved one is gone forever. great idea to name your kid after that. so smart, hazza. absolutely genius. 

“19 years later” means, if you do the maths, the epilogue is set in 2016. surely some things would change. like, would they still use a steam engine train? would there be too many people (gotta love overpopulation), so would the place to get on the train (or whatever mode of transport it would be by then) change to fit everyone? why don’t we see queer couples in the background? why isnt there any mention of phones? i just- i have questions, okay? i mean, i guess the book came out 9 years before 2016. but some of these things were still in play in 2007 and it feels like pollution and overpopulation and queer people and smartphones just dont exist i guess. 

this is a very small one but i would also like to know how draco and harry and ron all happened to have a child go to school in the same year. like yeah, it happens, but sometimes its like a year or two apart. but nope, they all must’ve f***ed their wives on the same night i guess (i know that’s not how it works, but STILL) 

related to the point about it being 2016, but there wasn’t any deamus???? just a tiny mention would’ve been fine. just so that queer readers dont feel so alone. so that queer readers can feel like they’re actually part of this world, that they can feel included and loved, which are the major themes of the series. all we wouldve needed is “Harry saw Dean and Seamus, holding hands and waving goodbye to a little crying girl leaning out of the train window. Seamus tried to conjure a handkerchief to clean her face, but it set itself on fire as soon as he tried, and the girl laughed through her tears.” Or even just that first sentence wouldve been okay. or even a third or fourth sentence where dean sighs into his hand to hide his smile, shaking his head, and either stamps out the fire with his foot or uses aguamenti to put it out but misses and Seamus frowns at him as droplets of water fall down his face and cling to his eyelashes and dean smiles lovingly and kneels down to mock dean’s height and uses the end of his sleeve to wipe off the water and their daughter is laughing really joyously and the train starts to take off but she’s still laughing and smiling and she waves at her weirdo dads until she cant see them again and im sorry im getting carried away, basically what im trying to say here is just one sentence wouldve been all we needed just to feel included 

ron being an auror makes sense i dont mind that. 

but hermione. why is she in magical law enforcement. i know she cares about justice, but she absolutely would not enjoy sitting behind a desk, she would rather being there, out in the world, helping others because she can, not because it’s her job. she should be a teacher, whether at a muggle school or magical school, i dont flipping care, but she enjoys sharing her knowledge with harry and ron and literally everyone, and that’s what a teacher does. plus, she really looks up to mcgonagall, so you’d think she’d want to be like her: a teacher. and hermione LITERALLY SAYS, out loud, in the books, to rufus scrimgeour, that she doesn’t want a job at the ministry, “i want to make some good in the world”, but then that is just scrapped, never thought about again, and she becomes the flipping minister. she couldve even been an auror, she wouldve been a BOSS at figuring out the target’s next move and how to fight them and bring justice (and i am aware it sounds like im describing her as a batman-like superhero, i dont care, MAYBE HERMIONE IS BATMAN, OKAY?), and working with ron, they would’ve been UNSTOPPABLE. hermione couldve worked at flipin flourish and blotts, she could’ve become the new librarian at hogwarts. i know neither of those are making good in the world, but she wouldve been surrounded by books ALL DAY. honestly she couldve worked with dragons with charlie in romania and it still wouldve been better than stuck behind a desk at the ministry 

i love ginny as a quidditch player, that one is excellent and perfect and i cant think of anything better. 

like. lupin was great. but harry taught a whole bunch of teenagers - at the same time - to conjure patronuses within a couple of lessons, when it took lupin months to teach harry. (granted, harry was depressed and was both trying to learn the charm and going against a boggart-dementor, so they’re both impressive, but still)

he taught them heaps of spells he’d only learnt the previous year while practicing for the third task, and only out of books, which is really bloody impressive.

and, again, he could conjure a patronus at thirteen years old, when most wizards cant their entire lives.

and he taught them the only useful thing lockhart (kind of) taught him: expelliarmus.

as for moody’s/barty crouch jr’s classes, we dont know anything about them other than the first one where he did the unforgivable curses on spiders, and that other one where he put the imperious curse on the students. and harry just wouldnt morally do any one of those things so he technically didn’t beat those classes but also he did because harry didn’t perform illegal curses on his students, so. 

idk about quirrel cos i have no clue what he actually taught them (WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THAT REPTILE IN THE MOVIES? (was it a lizard? iguana?? i think it was an iguana but idk)), but he literally bested every single one of the teachers he’d previously had for five years in a couple of months. 

also he really enjoyed teaching. he found himself subconsciously planning lessons. he gave them things to improve on, started small and got bigger, gave encouragement, made sure everyone was included, and so many other things i just cant think of right now. and those are all awesome teacher traits. he would’ve loved being a teacher, would’ve loved helping kids reached their full potential.

and thats why he shouldve been a teacher, but heres why he shouldnt have been an auror: hes not invincible. the only person who couldnt kill him at all was voldemort. if voldey had let one of his death eaters step in and cast the spell, harry couldn’t have done anything, he wouldve actually died that time and voldemort wouldve won. and that still applies in the future. and harry’s gonna be fighting dark wizards just about every day. and guess what? he’s the owner of the elder wand. and book harry didnt break it. no no, book harry was sure he’d die a natural death and the wand would lose its power. and im not saying i want harry to die on work, im saying he was pretty reckless because he could get killed by dark wizards (aka people wanting to start their own cult similar to death eaters; death eaters on the run; death eaters put in azkaban who manage to escape; etc etc) on any given day and then they would have the elder wand and it would all turn to sludge.

but also if he couldn’t have taught dada, then surely he couldve at least been a quidditch player like ginny. that would be so much fun. their team would be basically unstoppable, having a bad*ss married couple working together.

just dont have him as an auror, please, im begging you, it doesnt work

and neville being herbology professor is perfect, end of story. 

okay and now specific moments 

some things that bother me are: albus not wanting to be slytherin, and james making fun of him for maybe possibly being sorted in slytherin. like, shouldnt the problems between the houses have been resolved?? it’s been 19 years since the war people, lets finally resolve some conflict here, pick up the pace guys. but not only that, albus’ fear of slytherin and james’ apparent dislike of slytherin tells us that harry hasn’t told them that slytherins can be good and that all the stereotypes of slytherin aren’t true for everyone and kggkfjgkjgkjfgj

harry hears percy talking about broomstick regulations and is glad to not have the excuse to stop and chat. i dont like that. why doesn’t he want to say hi? percy isnt that bad. i know he’s annoying at times but broomstick regulations would be important, and wouldn’t harry be at least slightly interested in it because quidditch and flying??? 

it sounds like ron’s saying he only recently passed his drivers test. he’d had 19 years. why did it take him that long. this one isnt big it just bothers me a little bit 

why did draco nod ‘curtley’? curtley means rude briefly according to google. that doesnt feel right after everything that’s happened. like, harry literally destroyed the darkest wizard of all time, holding what had previously been draco’s wand. surely that makes some kind of connection. and the trio saved dracos life twice in one day, and saving someone’s life is a literal huge deal, it creates this unspoken bond between you. literally the only reason harry ron and hermione are friends is because harry and ron saved hermione’s life. and saving dracos life, someone who, up until then, they hate? and there’s no mention of any kind of bond or unspoken alliance or anything? they just... go on hating each other? and draco didnt sell them out to his family. which basically means draco saved their lives (BEFORE they saved his), so again theres that connection, that bond, where is it? SURELY it wouldnt be a rude nod?? couldn’t it be an awkward smile? a friendly wink (that could have a double meaning *cough*drarry*cough*)? there would sruely be some kind of connection over the 19 years, like i dont believe that they have never met draco’s child before, i dont believe that the trio and draco havent caught up at some point to say thank you or go out for coffee or whatever functional adults do in their daily lives. 

‘dont try to turn them against each other before they’ve even started school.’ YES GOOD EXCELLENT GOOD JOB HERMIONE- ‘dont get too friendly with him tho. granddad weasley would never forgive you if u married a pureblood’ nO. do NOT imply that there’s going to be a romance. this is the fault of the author and also of ron. you should almost never ship people in real life (with few exceptions. like jokes with friends. or larry. or if theyre already a couple.), and ESPECIALLY not LITERAL CHILDREN! being an embarrassing parent talking to your teenage child about their crush or significant other? that’s fine. mortifying in the moment for the child, but funny to look back on. implying that your ELEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD who was probably told about sex and hormones like three weeks ago, is going to MARRY another ELEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD whom they have NEVER INTERACTED WITH is absolutely NOT FINE. and also DO NOT say that your father is NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE THE CHILD. it might seem funny, but this kind of thing could stick with the child forever and, if their hormones do end up making them fall for this other child in the end, they might be terrified of telling their family and might want to keep any potential relationship a secret and that could eat up at them completely and it could result in repression and depression and a whole bunch of mental health problems that wouldve been avoided if ron had just ✨shut his mouth✨. it wouldve been better to say something like ‘“you’re right, sorry”, said ron. but unable to help himself, he leant down and added in a whisper, “we’re counting on you though, Rosie. the family honour rests on your shoulders. but no pressure.” he stood up, grinning, and winked at his daughter.’ 

i have no problems with teddy and victoire. nor do i have any problems with james’ reaction. nor do i have any problems with what the adults say and what the children say in response to that, i actually like this part. 

‘he checked the battered old watch that had once been fabian prewett’s’ IMOKAYIMFINEYOURECRYINGNOTMEHAHA 

why is it that both with james and albus, their mother kisses them and their father hugs them? why didn’t ginny get a hug? why couldn’t harry kiss his sons goodbye? bloody stereotypes and raising boys as people who cant show emotion and affection and not letting fathers be intimate with their sons because showing compassion isnt “manly”. it makes me angry. 

yOu WeRe NaMeD aFtEr TwO hEaDmAsTeRs AnD oNe oF tHeM wAs A sLyThEriN aNd hE wAs BrAvE HARRY I LOVE YOU BUT THATS NOT WHAT ALBUS NEEDED IN THAT MOMENT. he doesnt care about these dead dudes he’s named after. he doesn’t need to know that slytherins can be brave sometimes like a gryffindor. he doesn’t need to know only one example of a slytherin being a “good person”, especially not when it’s an abusive person who is a terrible example in this situation. what albus needs is reassurance. comfort. “albus, whoever you are and whatever house youre put in, we will still love you and support you. slytherin house is not inherently bad. none of the houses are inherently good or bad. people arent inherently good or bad. it’s almost impossible to fit someone into a box of “good person” or “bad person”, because people are complex. there are always reasons behind our actions. and those are only things that are good or bad. our decisions make us who we are.” thats so much better than a couple of sentences of 'i mean you can choose i guess. cos obviously we want you in gryffindor. but like it doesnt really matter. not that much. also youre named after a manipulative gryffindor and an abusive slytherin so have fun with that, k bye see you at christmas’ 

basically the author sucks and i need to sleep more

#hp #harry potter #19 years later #harry potter thoughts #hp thoughts #the hp author sucks #drarry #draco malfoy #romione #hinny #lily luna potter #albus severus potter #ALSO SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES ETC #ily all have a great day

[mentalbreakdownzone]

There's too much going on just let me be happy

We won't be anything without them we need to go back

They're both violent and dangerous

Shut up.

Shut up.

We need them, please. Go back

THEY HURT US, WE AREN'T GOING BACK. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM. WE HAVE NEW KIND PEOPLE

We don't know them!!!!!! And they've changed, they'll be nicer now

Abusers don't change Arson....

Exactly

They do! They do change, they're gonna be nice. And I don't care what they do as long as they don't leave

That's just your BPD talking! These people won't leave as long as we're good, and wven if they leave we'll be fine. We won't be fine if we're being abused

And we aren't allowed to talk to them....

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?! THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR US AND NOW YOU JUST WANT TO TURN YOUR BACK?! WHAT ABOUT MARRYING THEM! WHAT ABOUT THEIR NAME ON US! WHERE DID THAT GO?!

IF THEY WANTED TO KEEP THAT THEY SHOULD'VE TREATED US BETTER LIKE WE DESERVED. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, WE'RE NOT GOING BACK!!!!! YOU DIDN'T GET CHEATED ON. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FELT.

No, but I had to watch my brother crumble. And I would gladly WATCH IT AGAIN OVER AND OVER RATHER THAN ABANDON HIM AND BE NO BETTER THAN OUR ABUSERS

DON'T COMPARE ME TO HIM! I'M LEAVING SOMEONE THAT HURT ME, I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HURT. HE LEFT BECAUSE WE'RE GAY

YA KNOW MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT, SUCH A FUCK UP YOU CAN'T EVEN PARENT RIGHT AND YOU GO AND ABANDON THE MAN WHO TREATED YOU LIKE GOLD WHEN HE NEEDED YOU MOST

You have no right to talk to me like that. At least I didn't murder my child, I sacrificed everything to protect my child. And he didn't treat me like gold. He lied to me, he made me beg him just to communicate. I will never beg a man for anything ever again. You have no right to throw Christopher in my face like that.

I- you're right I'm sorry- but can't you see....? This is why we need them- we make so many mistakes when they're not here..... it hurts so much without them.... Please don't take them away

No, you're trying to avoid accountability for your actions and blaming it on them not being here. I understand your BPD is making you act like this, but that isn't an excuse. I'm done with this conversation.

Can we talk about the other person-

Rue I gave them informed consent, I could take it away at any time if I so chose. They're not a random stalker

OH- OKAY- MY BAD- 😅

What about Astra....

First off, don't you dare use her name. Second off, she's different.

No, you just say that so you don't have to let her go. She hurt you too. "What are you going to do about it?"

Quiet, don't aay another word. I won't listen to you say

NO YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SOME GOD AND I'M NOT, I'M A PERSON IN THIS SYSTEM AND I DESERVE TO BE LISTENED TO

NOT IF YOU'RE SAYING CRUEL THINGS IN HER NAME

SHE'S THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE, YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE IT BECAUSE SHE CHANGED.

SHUT UP!!!!!

ADMIT IT. THEY'RE CHANGING. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MORE THEY COMMUNICATE NOW? HOW CARING THEY ARE? QUILL CHANGED AND SO YOU LIKE HER, WHY IS EVERYONE ELSE SO DIFFERENT?

BECAUSE THEYRE STILL HURTING ME AND THEY WONT STOP

....

God I am so tired. Of the lashing out and arguing, the lying, the trauma, the flashbacks, the panic attacks. I'm tired, and done with it all. And soon you will be soon

No. I won't give up on them

Yeah, that's what I thought too. Until they push you to your limit and you have to choose between death or leaving them.

.....

I'm tired- just- leave me alone

#argument #actually did #vent tag #🖤 tag #💿 tag #🧃 tag

[dumbbitchfrommars]

"princess diana"

why is my making an effort to look and feel pretty, when i am in a low place, trying to break away and distract myself from the seemingly endless stress and turmoil my life is right now, exactly WHY is that such a fucking crime?

why is it that i feel like such a caricature of a woman when i make an effort to feel in touch with my feminine side? why does it feel like an overcompensation, an oversaturated and overdone attempt at hiding behind a costume? why when i look at my sisters in their many different states of being, does it all seem so effortless, when all i want is to feel like myself, like my best, like im beautiful too.

why is it such a crime to want that feeling of security and safety for myself?

i am completely afraid of going on this trip and having to face my true self, to be vulnerable with a person i dont trust and avoid completely, to know that everyone sees the block that i have in me and how pathetic it is that i can barely break through. like they all clearly have. because theyre all so fucking emotionally grown.

apparently i hide behind my maturity to avoid my wounded inner child.

all of the sudden im walking around with a target on my back.

maybe i was too quick to stop seeing my psychologist?

cause right now all i feel is rage and frustration and pain. because i really do feel like im alone, and no one including myself can make me feel safe. yet all i have ever done is try to make everyone else feel safe in my presence. when will this energy be returned to me?

why is it such a crime to ask for these things for myself? why am i so unworthy? because i dont have a fucking second to be alone when its all i fucking crave from life? for the past month all i have wanted was a second to return to myself. to workout again, to do yoga again, to go for a walk with myself again, to appreciate the lovely little beauties in life that only i can share with myself because there is no one else like me. to see from the perspective that i lost and quickly became more and more restricted the more i felt in survival mode. trying to rush to get every task done. every task that no one else would ever do.

right now it feels like no one truly appreciates the uniqueness of who i am. they just see all my flaws and weaknesses. i guess trying is not good enough, i guess something has to change.

somethings gotta give.

my best change comes from distancing myself from external energies when i come to these roadblocks and uncomfortable feelings within me, but it seems like distance could be a hard thing to reach at the moment.

even the fucking cat doesn't like me.

nobody likes me when im miserable.

its the cold hard truth.

nobody likes you when youre miserable.

sorry! dont like you. good luck with your depression and anxiety. youre on your own now.

i understand in a sense, not having the time or patience for it. i feel like maybe when you reach that plateau of spiritual growth you do tend to step up on the pedestal above all the puny, pathetic undeveloped non-spiritual folk.

what makes them any different to me in this scenario?

not nice being the one below looking up huh.

the difference between me and the people who i cut off - people i slowly distanced myself away from and never once was hurtful or bullied, just genuinely stop resonating with and took the step back from - is that i am making an active effort to try become better.

but apparently my own timing doesnt work for you. apparently my process doesnt look like yours and therefore is not valid. and so i become the butt of a joke that im not laughing at. or i am... because im a people pleaser.

fuck my life.

am i not allowed this one moment? this one reprieve from the shittiness of my situation at the moment to be completely and annoyingly drained, pathetic and enraged? is that not allowed anymore????? let me fucking live my life! this was my first day off in god knows how long, and i still ended up with a schedule jammed full of plans to run around doing things for other people!

im supposed to be writing my FUCKING THESIS!!!

my fucking fucking fuckoubgrafubnbge thesis .

AND OF COURSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY DUMBASS COWORKER OVERCHARGED ME WHEN I CAME IN SPECIFICALLY BUYING A PRODUCT FOR THE FUCKING DISCOUNT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh.

its so exhausting to carry all these pent up emotions around with me. like a child. a child who doesnt know what to do with it all because its too big.

the most hurtful thing to me is that no one shares my unconditional love and adoration for all small humans and animals. especially dogs. even the ones who claim to be the closest to me, my best friend, sisters. to not share it, to not even acknowledge it in me, to reject that part of me. to judge that part of me. who the fuck do you think you are? claiming to love me and not see that side of me. to not want to see it. to ignore it. to reject it...

some part of me... i think its my inner child. its a part of my inner child. but not me when i was little... me when i was bigger, but still little. she wants me to sit it out tomorrow. to leave myself out to send the message that im hurt, and im angry, and i dont want anything to do with people who hurt me. that they have done something wrong, and should know that something is wrong, but i wont tell them why.

then theyll ask me what happened, and ill say nothing even though its something. and hold onto that pent up resentment until the next thing goes wrong.

or i tell them, and its explosive, and messy, and poorly executed, and very well mean the end of the relationship in its entirety. all for a small moment that triggered an insecurity in me.

god im so sensitive. im so sensitive but no one wants to see it. no one wants to acknowledge it. because my walls are so far up that i wont let them. and when they notice... well. i guess it doesnt matter.. because ive been hiding so long. im always hiding. whenever it shows, its rejected. i keep feeling so rejected. what the fuck is going on with me...

i feel like a pathetic child.

im hurt.

im tired, im exhausted, im burnt out, ive overextended myself, all i want is for things to be light and fun again but it feels like it never will be. it feels like it wont get better in time for the trip or the festival. it feels like im gonna let everyone down. it feels like im just one huge disappointment.

what happened to not taking things personally?

i keep thinking that to myself. but thinking it and embodying it are two different things. im repeating the words to myself like a whisper in the background, as i watch myself continue to fall deeper into this despair of "why me?" like a viewer behind a TV screen.

i actually have noticed ive been disassociating a lot more than usual lately. im just mentally checked out. i wish i could just... disappear somewhere. somewhere totally isolated where i could be by myself. maybe ill get that at the festival. maybe what i feared, being abandoned, will be exactly what i need. to just float in the water and stare at the sky for as long as i need to forget all my problems.

i dont know whats going on with me now but i just hope its over soon. i hope its over before it gets bad enough for me to revert to my old ways. i just want to be okay again. i just want to feel safe again, and to not be afraid, and to not be angry, and to be in love with life again. to be in love with myself, to accept myself, to not hate myself, to not be angry with myself, to not feel like its all coming apart, to not feel like im doing it all wrong when im giving it my all.

[thesehandsarestainedred]

genuinely wishing people respected me when i let them live in my apartment for next to nothing

i barely cook in my house anymore, because my roommates have collectively decided theyre not going to clean up after themselves because they get "overwhelmed" with the mess because adhd, but don't consider that they're making others overwhelmed with the mess they're leaving behind

i haven't cooked a proper meal since thanksgiving, in which i got less than two plates of my own food that i cooked. all of my other meals have been take out, or i've simply not fucking eaten.

here it is christmas fucking morning, and i'm trying to make a nice breakfast and there's dishes piled up in the sink, less than 5 forks in the utensil drawer, and a shit ton of dishes just sitting in the dishwasher

i have to scramble around for a fucking spoon because no one can just take the fucking dishes out of the dish washer when it's done, it's always my boyfriend or i who do that. i don't fucking understand.

they can't even be assed to take out the trash, and it always gets to a point where i'm complaining about the smell of rotting fucking trash because my boyfriend is the only one who can take it out, since i'm currently fucking pregnant and can't lift the fucking bin to empty it into the dumpster. nevermind that they bought a garbage can, that they just let over fill.

this is on top of me paying over 1000 a month for the apartment, paying full for the internet and utilities, and asking for the bare minimum in rent and if i dare as more then they'll literally sit there and have a panic attack over money. it's not my responsibility to be responsible for a 40-year-old's finances or fucking cleaning up after themselves. yet here i fucking am, just pushing 30-years-old and having to mother women who are over 40.

i already have a child on the way, i can barely keep up with my own fucking chores on top of going to work every night at nearly midnight.

i'm lost, i don't know what to do.

i just wanted to have a nice fucking christmas, but i can't even have that.

#vent post

[iconsumeheadcanons]

not gonna lie, it really feels like every post here that i see about ppl not having reading comprehension and being unable to understand metaphors and getting whiny about english teachers and there motifs is just full on (unintentionally or not) making fun of ppl w different education and different brains.

like cool im glad that youre so good at reading. im not. i try my best. i learn every day to the best of my ability. im never going to be at your level and making fun of me is not helping. now everything i say sounds stupid bc i missed the point or the joke that was "so damn obvious". im sorry i dont work like you.

like my teachers tried so much. not all of them were great tho (WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT IN THIS CONTEXT BTW) but it doesn't matter how nice someone is to me or how much they spell it out to me, im not going to be able to do it on my own. im sorry i dont look at the red curtains and think of [insert obvious motif here] and im sorry that metaphors go over my head and im sorry im fucking trusting that ppl arent willfully lying. im not media literate.

i know im making this about me when its not, but im the kind of tumblr ppl getting pointed out here so idk. i really like that post that describes diff types of literacy and what spots someone could be lacking in! a constructive look at the differences in communication!! also can we PLEASE acknowledge the role of Education. why can we acknowledge that older ppl arent going to be 'politically correct' bc they didnt grow up that or felt a need to say different (ie old queer ppl who use whatever labels are considered 'rude' now) but we cant acknowledge that many ppl don't have the "right" brain for what ur saying? or that their school is hot shit at literature education? theres an actual fucking reason we complained about lit teachers making us find a secret correct understanding of a situation of a grade. bc we didnt understand and no matter how much they say that we should that we still dont. bc the teachers can try their best but theyre not going to get some neurodivergent kids to completely understand metaphors.

(sorry non americans im about to talk about us here i know yall dont need to deal w this part) post about americans not knowing about other countries until such and such age? and there were Americans making fun of others (who may or may not have been lying, tho im gonna say most werent bc what a thig to lie about) bc they mustve been so damn stupid to not know about other countries right?? like as if that has nothing to do w schooling, location, culture, and a million other things. i didnt know ither countries existed untill o was like 12. yes i have some unusual circumstances (no tv being an important one) but i was just a normal kid living an average life in the us. sure my school didnt teach me and my parents didnt, but why would i, as an english speaking 8 year old w a completely american family in the countryside and no forseeable need to leave my gigantic nationalist country, need to Know about Other Countries? as stupid as this sounds (bc thay would be bigoted to say) its true? what would an average monolingual child in the us w no money need to know about other countries YET? are we gonna make fun of kids for that? or are we gonna acknowledge that education and stuff is not equal?

i know im still fucking worked up about this bc im being too sensitive or whatever. but shut up please. we may not have known before how sucky at CERTAIN literature things as the rest, but we know and theres not much that we can do but try our best. so shut up about ur superior brain and ur superior schooling. im glad that u are able to touch the magical hidden words in poetry and articles and whatnot. like seriously i am!! that can be such a useful life skill!! i don't have it. i never got it, and unless i have some miracle teacher or feel the need to spend years perfecting my 'commom sense' reading skills? i probably never will. i can still get enjoyment out of literature! maybe i read too much baby stuff and thats a problem, but i havent read adult literature that actually hit some magical Brain Thinking Worldy thought so. whatever.

#not many ppl or gonna see this #im just yelling in a void #if this somehow makes it pass the 20 ppl here i might die #boop.txt #tldr; please remember disparities in education and also that language disorders and literal diversity in brain function are a thing #you giys are teachers so i absolutely understand why you get tired of ppl like me who seem to misinterpret everything u say #but. but. but. #please stop acting like 'ur illiterate ' is an insult thats useful to anybody #ill shut up now! im not really speaking for anybody but myself but i know theres ppl who can understand my hurt here #actually lets all shut up and let this shit go!!! kthxbai #long post

[anonymous-eggy]

me, walking into the store to pick up what my mom ordered: Hi, I'm here to-

lady: Hi there, little buddy! what can i get for you today, need to pick something up for a parent? (patronizing)

me, used to this and already tired of it:

#let me speak pleeeease #dear lord please dont interrupt me to talk to me that way #can we like- please stop talking to everyone like that? #even if i were a child that would still piss me off #it's a nightmare being me in the public #the amount of times i have been approached and asked if i was lost or where my parent was #i understand theyre trying to be nice and all but i am not a child and im not asking for help #please treat everyone with equal respect #dont talk to people in a patronizing tone its frustrating #yeah i get it im tiny and therefore adorable uwu #but i would rather you outright tease me than give me that tone of voice #please go haha you're short and jokingly crouch down to my height its so much more hilarious #but when people are like Oh! you're 19? you're so small i thought you were 13! #while giving me an even more patronizing tone than before i feel the pure rage boil from within me #its very frustrating and it makes me want to rage cry and never leave my house again because of the debilitating fear of how i am perceived #dear lord please do the mean teasing. i will take that over whatever the fuck these people are doing #eggy rants #short people problems

[stewyonmolly]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/James Potter Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Marlene McKinnon Additional Tags: a quick little tumblr drabble xoxo posting here for those of u who dont have tumblr, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), theyre in love!!! and adorable!!! Summary:

Remus sticks his finger right through the wall of James’s pot. “Glory hole,” he says.

James looks up at Remus, wounded. Sitting on the short wooden stool as he is, his knees are bent up by his ears. He has wet clay smeared to his elbows, on the lenses of his glasses, at the tip of his nose. “Dude,” he says.

“I think we’re doing quite well, really,” Sirius says. He lifts his own pot, currently the least lopsided of the bunch, but the too-wet base sticks to the table. Sirius peers at them through the open bottom like using a telescope. “Here I am, eating my words.”

drabble commissioned by @gilflupin carter mlove... genius big brain carter... best commission idea ever... i hope this satisfies your prompt, which was (for the sake of everyone else) sirius, james, and remus making pottery together!! xoxoxo wolfstarbucks nation wake up!!

FULL TEXT UNDER CUT!

Remus sticks his finger right through the wall of James’s pot. “Glory hole,” he says.

James looks up at Remus, wounded. Sitting on the short wooden stool as he is, his knees are bent up by his ears. He has wet clay smeared to his elbows, on the lenses of his glasses, at the tip of his nose. “Dude,” he says.

“I think we’re doing quite well, really,” Sirius says. He lifts his own pot, currently the least lopsided of the bunch, but the too-wet base sticks to the table. Sirius peers at them through the open bottom like using a telescope. “Here I am, eating my words.”

“This was going to be a nice pot,” James says, watching his damaged piece buckle on its weak side like Pisa.

“It’s still a nice pot,” Remus says.

“What, are you guiltless?” James says. “You destroy the fruits of my oh so earnest labor and then you sit there like doing so didn’t snag a single thread of your luscious moral tapestry, fuck you, Remus.”

Remus offers a big, bright grin that catches on his eyeteeth. “It’s funny. That’s more important than whether or not it hurts your pride.”

“This—this is my pride,” James says. “Understand, Remus, that there is a subliminal metaphor within everything. You single-handedly—single-fingeredly, even—just eviscerated everything I have worked to create in my seventeen years of life.”

There’s a rap on the edge of their desk. James startles about a foot into the air.

Sirius, beside him, looks lazily up through his lashes, then offers Professor Burbage a charming smile. “Hello, dear.”

“I should’ve known better than to propose a creative assignment,” she says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Make art like muggles do! Get into the cultural mindset! It’s hands-on, a break from the readings, the kids will love it! Am I an idiot?”

“It wasn’t your best idea,” Remus says.

“Just don’t make… a mess,” Burbage says, slumping away like they carve years off her life.

Sirius pinches a piece of clay off his fallen pot and hucks it at Burbage’s retreating back. It sticks in her hair.

Remus huffs. “Boring, Padfoot,” he says. He holds his palm out expectantly. Sirius delightedly hands over another wad of clay, which Remus places on the neat stretch of the second phalanx of his middle finger, then flicks it at Marlene one table over. It hits her ear, a glancing blow, before dropping to the floor. Marlene swats a hand mindlessly, like she assumes a fly or a loose strand of hair is the culprit. Remus waits a moment, then flicks a second piece of clay with the skill of a trained marksman; it hits the same spot. A third piece, and Marlene scowls into the air, looking for the origin. She finds, of course, nothing telling, as Remus is hunched over and carving zig-zagged stripes into his pot with singular focus, Sirius is forming a generous clay phallus, and James has dropped his head onto his folded arms, staring despondently at his ruined pot.

“I’ll kill you all with one blow,” Marlene says anyway.

“Good afternoon to you too, Miss Presumptuous,” Remus says.

“Mar, Remus ruined my pot,” James says, holding it tenderly aloft, the corpse of a child. So new to life. So naive yet. “Look at this.”

“Ha, glory hole,” she says.

“Ha!” says Remus while James scowls.

“Unbelievable,” James says. “You all prefer it when I’m miserable.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll make it up to you in droves later, you wet fucking fart,” Marlene says. “Now stop throwing stuff at me, I’m trying to finish this drawing and frankly I think it’s going spectacularly well.”

“I hope someone pokes a glory hole in it,” James says.

Marlene flips him the bird, then turns back to her desk, where she finds Dorcas doodling stars and hearts on her paper. “Well, fuck. This was going to be art, Dorcas. The fruit of my labor, Dorcas.”

“Karma,” James says. He reaches out a hand and Sirius gives him a bit of clay. James smushes it against Sirius’s cheek, which has Sirius snapping his teeth at James’s fingers. James withdraws sharply, tucking his hand to his chest with reproach. “Stay away. I haven’t had my tetanus potion recently.”

Remus presses his knee to James’s under the table. “If you add a little mouthpiece to that abomination of a pot, I reckon we could smoke out of it.”

James’s mouth falls open. “I forgive you. I forgive you, I forgive you—” he leans forward to smack a kiss onto Remus’s lips, grabs a fresh hunk of clay from the wet pile at the center of their table, then gets about rolling it.

Remus, meanwhile, has lost his aloof veneer; he’s bright red from forehead to collarbones, lurid enough to hide his freckles. Sirius looks between the two of them consideringly, then leans forward, presenting his cheek to James, who drops a kiss there to keep things even.

“We are going to figure this out,” James says, grinning with his bright madman eyes and his tie askew, “and we are going to get absolutely snockered. Lily taught me how to smoke out of an apple, you know, and this has got to be easier than that. It’s just got to be.” He rolls the now flattened piece of clay around his pinky finger, then presses the bottom of that cylinder to his pot’s glory hole. Sirius gives a fake, high-pitched, sexual whine that has half the class shooting them looks, but James doesn’t notice. He inches his pinky out of the clay tube. It promptly collapses. He stares at it, crestfallen. “Aw, pot,” he says. Then, affronted, to Remus, “Well, yours is good!”

Remus pokes his pot. It had better be good; his mother is a ceramicist by trade. “Yeah,” he says. James stares at it, brows knit. “Jamie, you can have mine,” Remus says. “Alright? Does that make you feel better.”

James’s scowl softens at the edges. “Yeah,” he says.

“What about me?” Sirius says, fringe falling in his eyes as he violently chucks another clump of clay at Mary MacDonald across the room. She hurls one back, hitting Sirius on the forehead, then pumps her fist proudly. Sirius is wiping splatters of wet clay out of his eyebrows as he clarifies, “What do I get, then?”

James holds his failed pot out, spout hanging elephant-trunk limp. “Glory hole,” he says.

#my writing #wolfstarbucks #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #some marlene too and dorcas being the lady of my heart #carter tag #harry potter #hp #fanfic

[lovecatsys]

i rlly feel like. those of us whove been institutionalized need to start spreading awareness abt how shitty psych wards are and the cruel treatment that goes on in there.

ive seen people sedated. ive seen a girl sedated for having a manic episode. ive seen a fucking CHILD sedated. its normalized too. many of those of us whove seen it have just accepted it. someday, in the right circumstances, that could happen to us.

some places are worse than others. ive been to a place where they were awful with trans people. and autistic people. ive heard stories about people sleeping in padded cells. one girl i met who had been to the same hospital i had been to but placed in different units had been in the eating disorder unit, where they make all the kids with eating disorders watch shows about extremely fat people.

ive been forced to sleep on the ground. ive been yelled at for having a sensory overload. i had my headphones taken away from me and was forced to endure loud sounds with extreme sensory issues, which btw are amplified in the psych ward bc of the emptiness. this isnt even anything compared to things other people have experienced.

dont even get me started on how theyre supposedly "treating" mental illness. they give you the same 5 coping skills on not self harming and not killing yourself and send you out. they try their best to keep you from harming yourself (but they cant stop you, i and many others have successfully self harmed in there).

i was put on abilify, which is a medication for bipolar, despite not having bipolar, and i was a fjcking zombie the whole time. i was put on antipsychotics when the "noises" i was hearing were really just inner ear problems.

the staff are awful. they are not therapeutic, they yell at you and treat you unkindly when you dont show up for group. some are better than others for sure, but the reality is is that they hire the wrong people, people who dont have enough experience with mental health (this depends on their staff position, im talking abt the assistants and shit who we spend most of our time with.)

they dont know how to deal with most disorders. theyre trained for the most basic shit. on my first day at one of them i told the psychiatrist i had a dissociative disorder and he asked my mom if i had read about it online. the majority of the staff have never heard of DID and the psychiatrists have an outdated understanding of it. thats just my experience as a system, if others with other stigmatized or rare disorders wld like to talk abt their experience pls add on.

most of us leave with more trauma than we came in with. the environment is probably the worst possible place we could be in when going through a crisis. its cold, scary, the staff are not very welcoming, sometimes the other patients are nice but most of them are having crises of their own which isnt fun to witness.

btw I am saying this as someone who has been hospitalized 5 times within the span of two years, in 5 completely different places. and also, im from california, so im assuming other states probably have worse stories abt their experiences.

#feel free to add on #tw psych ward #tw institutions #tw sedation #tw sedatives #tw medication #tw ed #tw suicide #tw self harm

[here4stars]

Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

21 March 2021

Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

Initials: F, C, A, X, & D

Songs: Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode and Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

Other: Bandaids, nausea/abdominal pain, the color orange, the beach, Suave Men (specifically SPORT) body/hair wash, soy sauce, skin care/sunscreen (or maybe just pale skin), AirPods 1st gen. and AirPod pros, 6 months or less separation, and sulking.

Hi earth signs!!! ♡ This message is very very specific. And for some reason I kept getting this message is for earth sign women (as their sun sign, not in their rising and moon) particularly.

Hi huns🍯🐝, it seems like haven’t been doing well lately. I’m seeing that you seem to practice different ways to manifest things, almost like you’re dipping your toes into Wicca, but are still fearful of the power it may hold. I sense that you are scared of doing spells, because you feel that you will attract bad spirits or negative energy, which is understandable! There’s spells you can do without having to feel completely exposed and vulnerable to other energies and spirits (dm if you’d like a spell that I would pick out for you ♡ almost like a fortune.) But that’s not what I wanted to bring up. Your guides want me to tell you that in order for your manifestations to work, you have to actually believe in yourself and imagine your manifestations while writing them down, saying them in a mirror, drawing them (whatever technique you use!) The whole point of manifesting things is attracting what you deserve, and if you feel like you don’t deserve something deep down inside, then how will it come to you?

I’m not someone who sugar coats things, so please know that my wording may seem harsh but it’s for you to understand the energy and tone I’m receiving. ♡

I’m am just going to tell you flat out though, someone from your past is coming back. It seems like there’s no stopping this person from trying to talk to you, they just need to come up with ways to do it. They’re taking their time, but their energy is very rushed. They’re like, “I have to get this done, I have to get this done, but how?” 

You had a struggle with their person in the past, almost like they saw it as a power struggle. In reality they were just hot headed and immature. This person in the past was very possessive over you, and got jealous easily. It’s almost like they blamed you if another guy was looking at you or being nice to you. This person is very lively and adventurous, they’re really down for anything. It seems like this person would swim in a stormy sea if you asked them to. And it also seems that they’re willing to swim through a stormy sea just to be with you. I keep getting that to be with you was almost a struggle for them, because you felt like you weren’t good enough for them. 

Also side note, but some of you are looking for heartbreak songs/playlists so if you find one on Apple Music let me know too! ♡

You feel rejected, without actually being rejected which must be very painful to think and feel. I want to let you in on a little secret though, it’s all in your head. It’s your mind making your biggest fears come to life so that you feel heartbroken. It’s your inner self’s shield for when you think the real rejection will come. But that heartbreak is not coming, so you broke your heart for nothing huns. There is nothing to do now, besides heal. It seems like you often debate how you would approach this person for when they come back, like you imagine what the conversation would be like. You also debate if you should use your heart or head when they come back, use both! Also, it seems like you want them back greatly, but you also want to tear them a new one. You want to be like, “I love you I love you I love you, so you should never leave me!” And then the other part of you wants to be like, “fuck off, YOU broke my heart!” (Hair flip) Just remember to say how you truly feel, but use both of your head and heart for when they come back. You’re also debating if you should give them another chance, and it may because you to meet someone new, but it could also be that you’re scared that things won’t be the same between you two. I see that you’re clinging onto old memories with them. But a commitment will come with this person, it could marriage, engagement, or maybe moving in with this person! But with this person, a new beginning will come, and it seems like both of you will be more nurturing to each other, you will be more reliable to each other. I see that both of you wanted this connection in the past, but you both were being wish washy with each other. 

I see that you both bring out each other’s inner child. I just got that sometimes in public you act like fools, don’t do that (some people get annoyed by this.) But you both still have romantic feelings for eachtoher so don’t worry. This person is not only a past relationship you had in this life, but from another past life as well, so that could be why you feel like you’re missing something without them. (I AM NOT SAYING THEYRE YOUR SOUL MATE OR TWIN FLAME THOSE TERMS ARE MOSTLY USED BY PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE BANK OFF OF VULNERABLE PEOPLE!!) But it seems like you see each other as worth the wait. You both are like, “No matter how long they take to come back to me, my heart will always belong to them.” 

You need to let loose a little though, but keep your boundaries as they should always be there out of respect for yourself. You have start feeling  and knowing that you deserve the ultimate happiness in many forms. You have this thing about you where if you’re not as accomplished, educated, or beautiful as others then you don’t deserve what they have. LIKE BITCH YOU DESERVE THAT SHIT TOO!!! YOURE BEAUTIFUL!!! YOURE SMART!!!! YOU GOT THINGS GOING ON!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!! ♡♡♡ YOURE STRONG! YOU GOT A WHOLE ASS PERSON WILLING TO FIGHT POSEIDON AND ALL HIS STANK ASS FISH FRIENDS JUST TO TALK TO YOU!!!! You have potential for everything you want to accomplish and receive in life, you need to let the good thoughts grow and pour a shit ton of pesticides on the bad ones. Banish them back to the depths of your bag/purse that has all of those nasty ass crumbs that get under your nails when you’re digging around for your keys or a pen. 

I also am getting that you’re scared of intimate moments because you may be self conscious of yourself. And for some it’s your body, but for other’s you’re scared of odors. LISTEN ok, i’m going to tell you a little something, YOU DO NOT SMELL. And sex smells nasty anyways for various reasons. There’s literally songs written about it 🙄 so chill with the negative Nancy thoughts. You’re always thinking about the negative, stop already. Is there any part of your life where your negative thoughts don’t take over??? Also it seems like you have a limitless amount of emotions, so please make sure to express them when you need to, it’ll make you feel a lot better. 

Also if you were planning on being cold to this person, don’t because this person is going to throw that same energy back expect you’ll be like 👁👄👁(Stay Alive by BEXEY vibezzz here.) Because though this person is willing to fight for you, they’re not going to fight with you. Pick and choose your battles. Keep in mind that every little argument breaks the foundation in your connection. Also it seems that one of you or maybe both of you have family problems and you tend to take your frustrations out on the other person through fighting. You might also be seeing a lot signs that come in the forms of numbers (i.e. 212, 777, 123 and so on), also symbols. Maybe your person really likes strawberries and now there’s strawberries showing up. 

Thank you for letting me read for you huns ♡✨🌸 Dm for a reading $5 (Venmo). You will get this amount of information (possibly more!) ♡♡♡

#love reading #love #tarot reading #oracle reading #psychic #tarot reader #love message #free tarot #divination #earth signs #witchbr #tarot cards #spiritual #tarot community #wicca #empath #witch #witch community #general reading #oracle cards #music #manifestation #wicca spells #healing #pick a card #pick a pile #astrology #spirit guides

[ennui-gt]

Here it is. A Piece Of Borrower Content Written Entirely In Stream Of Consciousness:

AN: so this is incomplete and very…needs revisions to the timeline to incorporate some things I added later! It’s the original universe that Mira’s from! I edited it like Slightly to just change Ross’s name to Ross (if u see Max anywhere that’s his old one I just felt like changing it so that’s just him but different. Anyway) Everything's under the readmore tab, cheers!

The Library Fairy:

-

Basic Plot (Chrono, comic starts from human perspective abt the ‘legend of the library fairy’ ig maybe. Nothing here is permanent cept the characterization)

Part A

1- Mira is borrower currently chillin in a college library

2- She lives off of the cafe on the second floor nd reads lots and lots of stuff about everything when the upper floors close (lower floor open 24/7 but upper floors r vacant p much after 12:00 AM)

3- she starts getting increasingly curious about human stuff cos she’s literate nd books r pry neat

4- it starts one night when she spots an unattended notebook and a half eaten blueberry muffin, nd it’s 12:30 so nobody’s coming back in atm (it’s the 80s so no laptops for the plebians quite yet)

5- so she goes ‘welp’ nd takes part of the muffin, then sees the work on the page and goes ‘hmmmm this is incorrect’ so she helps our and leaves notes here n there to point the kid in the right direction and puts down some book refs for further study bcos at this point she’s been there for 2 years and she knows where most things are

6- she stays behind to see if the human comes back for it, hidden in a hidey hole near the desk

7- human comes in, sees notebook, practically melts w relief nd stuffs it in his bag

8- next day human comes back nd leaves nother notebook and a cookie, along w a hidden camera

9- Mira goes ‘o boy, this a trap, innit’

10- Mira then decides ‘eh whatever I haven’t had contact w anyone in years now so I might as well’

11- she steals the camera film nd leaves a lil scrap of paper saying ‘nice try ;)’ on it

12- student comes back, sees paper, goes ‘dammit’, then leaves note addressed to the ‘library fairy’ and another cookie, as well as more of their work for her to help with

13- bout a decade goes by and now the “Library Fairy” is an urban myth, it’s currently 2003 so she’s also wound up on the school’s unofficial Wikipedia page under ‘local cryptids’

14- most library employees know of her but they don’t go looking out of fear stemming from superstitions bout her, somehow the legend grew from ‘can’t be photographed’ to ‘a student once saw her and died that day’

15- there’s now a small shrine devoted to her where ppl bring offerings hoping to get good grades in return, sometimes they will leave papers for her to proofread nd stuff

16- new prof (named Alexei) finds online article thinks he Knows What’s Up bcos he had a borrower friend as a kid, but they left when borrower’s fam found out about them knowing each other

17- he leaves note wedged in one of her secret entrances behind outlet, asking if she can meet w him at some point

18- Mira, already In it, goes ‘Okay. Alright. This has gone on for long enough. Time to go and never return’ but ofc she’s curious as all hell and like she decides she will at least honor the guy’s request for a convo b4 she goes, but on her terms and w/o speaking face 2 face

19- they Talk in the library after hours, bcos he paid off the janitor to let him stay after hours nd most of the student employees recognize him as a prof nd leave him alone

20- they talk again for every subsequent night

21- she uhhhh finally decides to reveal herself nd prays that her hunch was right nd he won’t try to grab her or anything

22- he doesn’t but she’s nervous so she winds up gettin caught in her own climbing rope like idiot, is now dangling from ceiling in tangled mess

23- he stifles chuckle nd she says smthn sarcastic

24- he moves closer and offers to untangle her

25- she’s like ‘please’

26- so he do, but her grip on the rope slips nd he has to catch her

26- so now she’s in his hand and he just sets her down and now he’s a bumbling embarrassed mess bcos he said he wasn’t going to hold her and he just did and o dear pls forgib him

28- nd she’s like ‘dude u just saved my life it’s fine ur fine chill’

29- internally she’s going HOLY FUCK AAAAAAA but externally, her human’s already worked up enough as it is so she’s gotta b the level headed one

29.5- after a while they both kinda get used to each other more, he gets tenure, they celebrate, some more stuff happens, Aleksei got married (not to Mira, Mira hasn’t actually rly thought about being in a relationship w anyone cos she’s laser focused on gaining as much knowledge as possible)

30- eventually Alexei’s like ‘hey so I’m dean of faculty for the biotech branch now uhhhh would u like actual job teaching students? Cos, uh, you can do it remotely thru online lectures n stuff, no in person interaction, and I uh was just kinda wondering—‘

31- she’s like ‘yes. Yes!!! LET ME HELP PEOPLE OFFICIALLY KINDA’

32- so now she’s a professor, and has revealed her Secret a few times here n there to a number of the faculty, nd she has recorded her own findings in a personal journal

33- ‘humans will treat u like a human if they think ur human first. The kids call it ‘catfishing’’

34- enter Ross, an mall goth who accidentally tripped headfirst into a premed program

35- Mira’s favorite field of study is bio so naturally she’s his prof for a majority of his classes

36- being the good boy that he is, he now knows Mira’s secret. There is an Entire Chapter on him finding out and legit just continuing their conversation as if everything was normal bcos he thought that was how he was supposed to handle the situation

37- then she says ‘u can ask questions, u know’ he’s like OH THANK FUCK CAUSE I HAVE SEVEN HUNDRED OF THOSE

38- and now he kinda knows what to look for in terms of ‘do borrowers live here check yes or no’

39-in his apartment, the answer is yes and he mistakenly kinda stumbles upon the mom one night when he wakes up in the middle of the night for Snack and opts to pretend like its not happening. Unfortunately the thing she was trying 2 borrow (piece of crumb cake for Son Boy’s birthday) is the thing he wants 2 eat so he’s like “uh. ‘Scuse me, ma’am.” and he peels back the saran wrap on the other side of the plate, takes piece, nd then leaves some there for her

40-so now the woman is like ‘welp guess it time 2 Leave’

.1- she and husband Talk

.2-they decide it best 2 go

.3-theyre Packing

.4-lil bab Ellie confused

.5-hawk attacke

.6-cut to Ross

41- Ross also happens to work at a bar and he goes outside for a break

43- he finds smal child—smol smal—on the sidewalk and said child is missing an arm, nd has lost a lot of blood, so he’s uhhhhh Losing It highkey

43.5-parents r nowhere 2 b seen, but the hawk is nearby and circling. Ross gets an idea of what just happened

44- he up and leaves work, thankfully his apartment is above the shop so he jumps up the fire escape w the child and

45- he make tourniquet

46- he calls Mira nd asks her 2 come over to ASAP. he’s A Mess at this point

47- it is Very touch and go, kid needs blood, Mira is the only viable donor so she’s just gotta pray that the blood type is fine and won’t kill him

48- and then eventually they manage 2 stave infection thru antibiotics properly dosed to his size, Mira does Math and Prays basically

49- ‘bout a month in, kid wakes up

50- kid doesn’t rember much since he’s only 3

51- hes v scared of Ross at first but over time he gets used 2 the human

52- kid (elliot) starts 2 call Ross ‘dad’ after a while

53- Ross: *internal screaming but in a good way*

54- the end kinda for now

Part 2

A- New Borrowers In The Building

—three of em. paranoid dad, mom, nd daughter that’s Elliot’s age so he’s pumped

B- Elliot offers them a place 2 stay briefly

C- he knows by now bout like, how borrowers don’t typically interact w humans and Auntie Mira’s a bit of a weird case so he just doesn’t tell em bout his dad being the human

D- the kid finds out first nd doesn’t tell the parents, but they figure it out later kinda and think that it’s a ‘o god he’s being kept as a pet’ sitch so they’re >:| abt it

E- they move out and try to take Elliot w them (by force bcos they think he’s brainwashed) but he escapes and makes it to Ross, who’s like “uhhhhhh”

F- and the mom come out the hole near the counter n starts yelling at Ross, who is…kinda used to it since Mira brings in ppl who need help from time 2 time and they typically don’t react well when they’re lucid enough to understand what’s going on. He’s just not used to being questioned about his own kid

G- so they’re like “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH HIM”

H- and he’s like “r…raising him???”

I- and Ellie steps up and he’s like “this is my dad. I decided he was my dad when I was three. He’s being a good parent”

J- and Ross is like “yeah what he said. I’m a good parent.”

K- Ross is riding that high til the end of fucking time but like back to the story at hand

L- this is when the husband comes out nd is like “lissen. wifey. ily but that is a very big human and he hasn’t grabbed us yet so let’s count our blessings and gtfo”

M- but she’s like “uh no we stay until I’m sure Elliot is Safe and fucking Sound”

N- so they stay for dinner nd stick around a little longer.

O- Val (the kid) gets closer 2 Elliot and also Ross a bit

P- Mira shows once or twice, first time she shows up they’re like “oh god it’s the crazy doctor lady this all makes sense now” (bcos Mira does check up on as many borrower families as possible in her free time so word has got around by now Of her, and the number by which to contact her in case her services r needed)

Q- After a month or so, then they decide to leave bcos they’re like “look we get that ur son is ur son and he only has one arm and in our profession that is kind of a death sentence but we can’t have our kid getting used to dealing w humans who know about our existence” so they go and leave on a kind of sour note bcos Ellie can do anything he wants to do just as well as any other borrower Thank You Very Much and Ross is ready to fite anyone who thinks otherwise

R- Elliot starts trying 2 b more independent, basically from now on he’s like ‘I can do everything my Damn Self Thanks’

S- but uh he does it to a point where he’s going out of the way to endanger himself

T- so they get into a fite about it and ross Yells and Elliot is like ‘kthxbye’

U- and the boi just. Fuckin bolts. Runs Away. Ross is a Mess, he starts smoking again (he quit cold turkey the day he took Elliot in) to curb the depression, he’s jus. Not doin good, worried that his son is dead and the last time they talked it’d ended badly

V- FREEDOM!!!1! Except Ellie doesn’t kno how to take care of himself so it’s a rough month or so and then he runs into some other borrowers livin in their own town in the wild ig, chillin, being hella independent, and he’s like “uh yes ofc I will join u, I was w my dad for a while but.........” he neither confirms nor denies that his dad’s dead but everyone kinda just assumes.

Part 3

W-anyway a year goes by and then the borrower group gets hit hard w some kind of sickness ig. Elliot gets it too he’s basically incapacitated n drifting in and out of lucidity. So. They contact the weird crazy doctor lady who hangs around humans, a.k.a. Mira, and she’s like “oh. fuck. I know this kid.” bcos she does, u kno, and she jus treats em all for their ailment and shows them how to make antibiotic poultice thing in case smthn like it happens again. Mold. Penicillin is basically what it is

X-she and Elliot hav a Chat (Mira basically yells at him a lot) once he’s fixed up and he decides he’s gonna visit his dad but he makes it very clear that he is a Grown Up (he’s not, he’s literally sixteen), and he is living on his own now

Y- he agrees to stay for a week tho since he misses his home a lot tbh and Ross is just. Over the fucking moon to know he’s ALIVE, he’s not gonna fuck up their relationship by insisting that he stay. Or like, by keeping him ofc he would never

Z- unfortunately the borrower community put two and two together and figured out his dad’s human so they have his stuff packed up when he gets back w mira, who’s ready to go the fuck off on them

End 1:

-Ellie is living at Ross’s place atm and hopeful about the future basically. He eventually will go off on his own but he’ll keep in contact w his dad and stuff

Part C.5

55- few yrs later

56- elliot is Adult now he does adult borrower stuff

57- he moves out

58- finds nice borrower gf (her name’s Tess)

59- doesn’t tell her about his dad being human but talks about his dad a LOT

60- so when she asks to meet said father he’s just like “uh. Maybe we don’t do that actually”

61- and she’s like “y tho”

62- and he’s like “bcos”

63- anyway she decides to look into it cos she knows he goes to see his dad nd keep in touch but his dad is allegedly “a recluse who lives in the big scary human’s walls to avoid other ppl”

64- which is. Not true in the slightest tbqh he’s def not an introvert he’s just a workaholic and he Is the big scary human

65- anywho they run into Val and her wife and she’s like “how’s Ross been?” And Elliot is acting Very Suspish so she, being Smart, calls it immediately and is like “oh shit u haven’t told her yet have u”

66- Tess: “told me what”

67- Val: “El’s dad is a human, bro.”

68- Tess: “I’m sorry?”

69- this results in a Big Fight and they separate for like, a month. Elliot blames Val bcos he’s being irrational and doesn’t wanna admit to the fact that lying to his girlfriend for over a year was Real Bad Actually, but over time he’s like ‘yeah it’s my fault sry for snapping at u’ cos he works thru his emotions n stuff

70- Eventually gf comes back cos she’s like “ok so. I understand why you lied to me about your dad. It was a dick move but I do get it and I still care about you a lot. I would like. To meet him.”

80- this is a lie she does not want to meet him she is doing this bcos she does not want to lose Elliot and that outweighs the fear of his dad

81- so they go to meet him but she’s just kinda. Behind the wall at first like “that’s a crazy big human this is crazy ur crazy it’s time to gO”

82- Val is also there bcos she hasn’t seen Ross in a while

83- they eventually coax her out of hiding

84- and by that I mean Val picks her up and drags her out into the open by force bcos she basically freezes up the second she catches sight of Ross and Val’s like “u didn’t come all this way for nothing, bich”

85- they have a Painfully Awkward First Meeting, Tess is trying her best but oh god he’s just too fucking. Larg. Ellie ur dad too big

86- tbh tho the ice kinda breaks after Ellie and Ross get into a fight over smthn stupid (im thinking Elliot grumbles bout Ross’s hair being unruly and he’s worried that mira’s using it like a personal storage system again and Ross is like “I’ve been keeping better track of that actually” and then like a little line of paper clips and a few hand-bound notebooks tied together w some string fall out of his fucking mane and he’s like “I can explain”

87- “dad you can’t keep letting her use your hair like a fucking NEST”

88- Tess is laughing now cos god damn this was not what she was expecting

89- that’s it the end it ends w Tess laughing at them being idiots good times r had by all

Uhhhh that’s it so far. I have More but it’s kinda jumbled rn and I need to fit stuff in places. Anyway.

#was gonna make this into a comic lawl #if I like actually manage to get off my ass over the coming weeks I probably will be able to do that! but yeah #also this was once posted b4 and I deleted it but it’s back now say hellow #Library Fairy #oc: Mira #oc: Ross #oc: Elliot #oc: Tess #oc: Val #oc: Alexei #anyway yeah here it is behold #the uhhhhh most slice of life thing I have ever created

[funny-house]

huhu u got me to watch opal the other day since u keep talking abt it and im glad bc i Really Enjoyed It but !! anyways , i saw u mention mirror man doing makeup for someone and i keep thinking about it so Thoughts Incoming sorry in advance lmao. i think he would like to do claires makeup (and teach her abt it in general) when she gets a bit older,, both bc it seems like a legitimate hobby he would enjoy (i imagine if he werent Like That he probably could have been a makeup artist or something similar!) and bc he would like to ‘prettify’ her a bit.

and ah well,,, a lot of parents Like Him sometimes try 2 make their child a carbon copy of themselves or of an image they enjoy so if he grew to like claire more or already does like her enough for that (or just, wants things to revolve around him More) hed try to nudge things in that direction. and in his own way i think He might think hes doing something good, he knows when he was her age he would have killed to have a parent so eager to help him learn makeup and stuff but. claire isnt him. she probably isnt even interested in it at all but shes kinda desperate for Nice Moments and also doesnt wanna risk making him angry so she goes along with it. she always has her head in the clouds so all the things hes saying is too much at once but shes trying to comprehend it,,,,,

nd he keeps giggling at her for how awkwardly she moves her arm when putting on foundation and blush nd gets kind of annoyed with her for repeatedly flinching when he tries to help her with mascara nd teases her a bit for trying to taste the lip gloss (and keeps pointing out a flaw or two on her face “well, youve always had a sort of weird shaped face but youve always had the cutest little smile, its like Mine :)”) but they do it !! together !!! and nothing (that) bad happened !!!!!! so claire is happy,,,,,,,,,,, until that inevitably opens the gates of him trying to pick out what she wears for her and “””suggesting””” hairstyles for her and getting manipulative and even flatout Angry when she doesnt do what he wants her to (bc even when things Seem like theyre about claire they Are Not, its what He wants for her , in the end its still all about him) but, ive rambled enough to you already <:o) sorry for talking so much i just wanted to chat a bit abt opal with you !!!! hope ur doing well hehe . and im sorry this is rambly nd probably incomprehensible i just did a lot of work hkehri

ohhhhhhhh !!! FIRST  I am super glad that all my constant rambling about this man has allowed you to go watch Jack Stauber’s awesome little short, it’s really good and deserves all the support !!!

also i totally appreciate you wanting to share your thoughts with me ;u;

AND I TOTALLY AGREE  the whole idea of him projecting himself onto her, trying to take over her, I think that is so fitting for the short itself tbh, because it’s a reflection ( mirrors, hehe ) of what the mother wants from Claire as well. The thing that terrified Claire near the end is the mother reaching to hold onto her, specifically after the mom said that she was going to become just like her. The idea of her becoming her parents? it terrifies her, clearly!!

And Mirror Man, he is what they call a “archetypal narcissistic abuser”, in my eyes at least,  and it would be really really common to see someone like that not only be so controlling and self absorbed that they treat their child like a decoration to themselves, but also use that child, especially as they get old enough to have opinions on the situation, to turn them against their partner-- such as.... the mom

so picture this

Claire is like 10-12, and she’s bright and she’s got a good heart but she’s WELL and truly Affected by the years of being brought up in that ridiculously toxic hell hole-- I mean house no idea if the grandpa would live that long uhhh in his state, but even if he does, he’s still very sick, disabled, and senile and he isn’t going to be much help. and Claire, she’s starting to have Opinions,, on how things are running around here,,      but in swoops Mirror Dad

He’s like........ it’s your mother’s fault. Oh, absolutely, have you seen her? I mean look at her, she’s disgusting. she’s a drug addict, she’s a drunk, she’s ugly, she’s the reason you feel like this-- and maybe some of that is understandable, i mean she’s a real mess of a mom, no mistake, but hey

Nobody’s going to tell Claire who made her that way! Nobody’s going to tell her Mirror Dad was the one who trapped her in an unloving, possibly violent relationship, with a kid, and ripped apart every inch of her self worth !!!

Nope. she just sees the aftermath. So mirror dad...... turns claire on her. And she starts to side with him on things and she starts to even kinda talk like him maybe even....... learns how to do that dark and scary insecurity voice of his and one day She walks by the.... Reflection Chamber and Mirror Man is there in that way He Always Is in that seat he always sits in, and he says something very very odd to her!   he raises a finger and curls it in and says    come sit on my lap you haven’t gotten too big to sit on my lap have you?? come here!! and i mean Claire is still very very uncomfortable even being near him, and this feels like a trap, but i mean she can’t just say no, and there’s a part of her that’s kinda hoping... maybe he really is trying to be nice. and so she does and she sits with her but you’ll notice he is never looking directly at her. Even as she’s approaching literally right in his line of sight, he stares straight into her reflection, never her face.  It’s like she’s not even real unless she’s in those mirrors.

And he tells her he wants to do her makeup! yay! how fun! and he tells her to close her eyes and pout her lips and try not to flinch when the sculpting starts or he’ll use his deep voice-- and how he’s going to finally FIX her. Goody!! then maybe the constant barrage of insults and negs and criticisms will stop!! (p.s. they wouldn’t have )

And so she opens her eyes..... and the face of her abuser is looking right back. It’s her face. Or it used to be-- now it’s literally his and it’s hideous-- it does not AT ALL belong on that body, and the only thing left of her is her big shiny eyes

and she  S C R E A M S that way Claire does,,,

but this time, loud enough to crack the mirrors, and stun the dad just long enough for him not to catch her in his hands when she leaps off his lap and books it for the attic the attic, the view of the billboard with the same worn out, not updated ad for Opal’s in the window. She locks the door, it doesn’t take long for mirror man to come banging on it, telling her she’s ungrateful, she doesn’t deserve what little she has, taking back every nice thing he ever said, etc,,,

and Opal just starts clawing off the makeup/clay/whatever from her face in the mirror’s glass reflection, putting her hair back into the pigtails her father said made her look stupid

but she isn’t Opal, she’s changed, she’s aged, but Opal-- she’s always the same!! happy!! cared for!! and what is she supposed to be under the makeup? huh? Who is she besides the abuse she’s put through, that billboard and what it sells to her?  she doesn’t know! nobody does nobody ever bothered to get to know what it even means to be Claire.

#HAHA. THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND WOOPS-- #tw for..... just... the most depressing bs lmao #mail time !! #Claire #Opal #Mirror Man #Jack Stauber #shrigis

[gayspock]

its that time of year again... forgive me, but here's the gbbo liveblog, my loves<3

- first of all i hate you paul. everryone else understands the cute shirt memo. i'll get you so fucking bad. prue even has matching glasses (not me forgiving prue for her crimes but)

- MY GOD, THOUGH.... CRYSTELLE IS INSANELY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. THERE'S NO WAY. HELP...... HIYAA<333 (TWIRLS HAIR)

- i am so, so worried though: because fucking paul is ALREADY bitching about her "strong flavours". if this is a rehash of last year, and the years prior where these arses slate all the poc for their food & kick them whilst babying the whites i'll kill everybody

- matt singing flinstones in german to jurgen . that went on so long im going to throw up and jurgen just trying to do his fucking job.

- A MODEL TRAIN BUSINESS? OH I AM OBSESSED. A LITTLE BAKER WITH A MODEL TRAIN BUSINESS. OH I AM OBSESSED.

- maggie is either going to be darling but absolutely insufferable and im hoping its darling.

- FREYAAAA HIII... yorkshire lass.... from SCARBOROUGH. a but look at little fucking jumper oh STOP it.

- im also really liking george he tickles me. king.

- LIZZIE TRYING TO JUST CRACK ON, and paul being like "why are you so far behind🤨" and she's like "ehrm. im just a slow person. i guess 😑" like WHAT is she supposed to saw paul. i also like lizzie btw but i wont get attached if she eats shit.

- jairzeno's passion fruits... oh my godddd... you KNOW thats going to be so so soooooooo good.oh my godddd.

- i love jurgen too i love his lil vibe. oh i'd be such an unhappy child too.

- OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE MOST PEOPLE THIS YEAR. THEYRE ALL SO CUTE. GOOD CASTING GUYS. except for the detective. do not trust her.

- would i be scared of maggie in real life. yes. but shes cute on the show.f

- jairenzo i KNEW your passion fruit would FUCK

- sorry why is crystelle so pretty theres no........ OH THANK GOD. OH THANK GOD THEY ARENT RIPPING HER APART FOR THE SPICE. THANK FUCKING GOD. GOOD.

- GEORGE. HELP. BESTIE. GEORGE I WANT TO SUPPORT YOU BUT GEORGE HELP.... my love.

- JURGEN. "THERE WAS A BIT OF A WIND IN THE FOREST." OH JURGEN. OH SWEETHEART. and paul being nice to him... oh my god...

- FREYA THAT'S SO CUTE. she's- IT'S A BIT OFF A FAFF, OH FREYA I LOVE IT.

- chigs. who is chigs. i dont remember chigs. was i looking away when chigs was introduced.

-lizzie............... i dont care lizzie is cute too. me having a crush on lizzie. i said i wont get attached but look at me anyways my loves. i love her accent a lot.

- ??? THE HELL DO YOU MEAN UNDER 35S WONT KNOW WHAT A MALT LOAF IS? WHO DOESNT KNOW WHAT A MALT LOAF IS?

- NO SHUT UP LIZZIE'S A FAVE.

- maggie and freya first and second. oh what a wonderful day.

- btw i hate all of this whole "it must be part of a special memory". like idk if thats just me bc ik i personally loathe doing stuff like that (like? none of your business bestie) but stop it... did they always do that.. or was it just bc omg what was her name. does anyone remember- WAS IT CANDACE? I HATED HER SO BAD. IT WAS LIKE EVERY SINGLE BAKE. like ah<3 this is the pub where i grew up<3 like i dont caareee candace jesus

- NOOOO JAIRZENO. OH NO. OH NO. SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE HIM.

- an 1812 overture cake thats actually pretty iconic my loves.

- LIZZIE GO FOR HIS FUCKING THROAT

- holy shit FREYA THATS SO PRETTY. CRYSTELLE'S TOO OMG. HOLY SHIT. THEYRE GORGEOUS, GOR- JURGEN ARE YOU WRITING THAT OUT YOURSELF?

- giuseppe its sooo cool sir it is it truly is

- SORRY I DIDNT SEE YOU AT FIRST CHIGS. YOURE HONESTLY A VIBE- CHIGS YOUR FUCKING CAKE.

- GEORGE IT LOOKS A BIT LIKE SHIT BUT I LOVE YOU SO I DO NOT CARE AT ALL

- "it stayed up" they say to each other, seconds before it tips over help.

- freya its soooo pretty.sorry but flowers are so ggorgeous my god. look at them oh my god loook aaattt them

STOP IT CRYSTELLE TOO. OH MY GOD. MY LOVELY LADIES. FUCKING HELL WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THIS- help crystelle's face. the fear.

- btw if they dont send fucking amanda home despite them SAYING she was in trouble each round i'll be so mad. if jairzeno goes home bc he didnt do gravity defying (when SHE didnt either, when several of them didnt!!!) i'll be sooooo mad bc he did well on the others and he had a good tasting cake when she couldnt do that either.

- JURGEN ITS SOOOO COOL BESTIE WHAT THE HECK! HE'S A VERY HAPPY JURGEN INDEED.

- YES YES YES JURGEN STARBAKER CONGRATS BESTIE WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU

- send amanda home

- send her home

- do it<3

- TOM? TOM????? MY BESTIE TOM? WHAT DID HE DO. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER DID I OCMPLETELY GLOSS OVER IT. HELP...... TOM BESTIE IM SORRYYYYYYYYY. NOO OMG. i mean- i i mean i dont...help what did he. where did he place in the techniocal i mean?!

- no offence but amanda did terrible in the first challenge. last in the technical. and she didnt have a gravity defying cake either like im bewildered. tom's wasnt either but like.. paul himself said that literally wasnt she cake bossed it she just did rice krispies covered in fucking fondant????? the cake wasnt teetering. and it literally fell over STILL jhelp

- JURGEN TRYING TO CALL HOME ND NOBODY PICKING UP JURGEN I'D PICK UP FOR YOU KING

#egg.txt #gbbo liveblog