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fxirysforesight · 4 months

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Future Career Pick A Card

Directions: Take 3 Mindful Breaths and Pick The Work Set-Up That Attracts You The Most!

Disclaimer: This is a general reading. It may not resonate for everyone and that's okay! If you are having trouble choosing a pile, take a minute to relax and then try again.

Pile One:

What Career Path Is Pile One Looking To Go Into?

Judgment, 9 of Cups, 4 of Swords

I feel like this is my Legal Studies, Politics, and Healthcare Pile. A lot of you are looking to go into Law or careers where you feel as though you are doing the right thing. You may want to go into careers where you are representing people or being a voice of reason for someone. You all seem to be problem solvers or at least interested in conflict-resolution based careers. Those of you who chose this pile are probably all or nothing people. I don't think a lot of you have any Plan B's or C's. You probably decided very early on what you want to be or do and that's what your heart is set on. You are looking for a career that has everything that you want. A career that fits your wants and needs and is a source of fulfillment for you is ideal Pile One.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Lawyers, Judges, Administration, Healthcare (Doctor or Nurse, a Veterinarian as well), Legal Work, Therapist (Mental Health, Massage, Etc.), Yoga or Meditation Instructor? For some of you, I see jobs where you are the Middle Man like for example a Hiring Recruiter.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile One?

8 of Cups Rx, The High Priestess, Strength

Pile One, you need to go into a career path that you know you won't walk away from. A career path that is sustainable for YOU. Regardless of the pay or whatever other constraints there may be, you need to find a job that satisfies your soul and not just your financial or social needs. I said before how I think that you all may enjoy conflict-resolution careers. It would be best for you all to find a career from which you can learn from or solve problems within. You would likely excel in careers that involve caring for someone or something in some way, shape, or form.

These Are Some Careers I Think You Would Excel In: Healthcare (Doctor, Nurse, Vet, Psychiatrist, Psychologist) Detective Work, Professor or Teacher, Guru, Counselor, Medium, Psychic, Astrologer, Tarot Reader.

Significators: French, Frenchie, or French Tips, Aries, Spring Months (March, April, May), 20+, Dyed Hair, "Not Yet", 444, Libra, 7th House Placements (Specifically Mercury and Sun), Strong Pisces, 12th House Sun or Moon, Moon and Neptune Dominant, Leo or 5th House Placements.

Pile Two: (This Pile was very similar to Pile One. If you felt drawn to that Pile go and give it a read and see if it resonates!)

What Career Path Is Pile Two Looking To Go Into?

5 of Swords Rx, The Star, The Wheel Of Fortune

The first thing I saw and heard was "Giving Back". This is my Humanitarian pile. A lot of you are likely studying or wanting to study Humanitarian Studies. You likely find yourself leaning towards careers or social endeavors that benefit not only yourself but the rest of the world as well. Your ultimate goal in a career is overcoming challenges, compromising or ending a conflict of some sort. You all want to change the world and give the up and coming generations inspiration and hope for a better world to live in. You want renewal. A fresh start.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Public Service, Tech and IT Jobs, Motivational Speakers or Anything To Do With Public Speaking, Freelancers or Non Contract Workers, Nonprofit Organization Workers, Health and Safety Professionals, Human Rights Activists, Scientists, Researchers, Entrepreneurs, Advocates, Social Workers.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile Two?

The Emperor, 4 of Swords Rx, Ace of Wands

Pile Two, you need to go into a career path where you have the opportunity to lead. A career path that offers you stability and structure. A career path that is practical and logical according to your own needs. All jobs will make you feel stress, but I would advise you to enter a career that provides you with the sanctuary you need to rest and recuperate. I feel like those of you who chose this pile get tired or burnt out pretty quick? Extroverts with low social betteries? It would do you well to enter into careers that you see yourself building a future off of. Additionally, for some of you I think jobs that are more hands on and interactive would be better for you. Careers that provide you with passion, action, and excitement!

These Are Some Careers and Career Titles I Think You Would Excel At: Self Employment, CEO's or Bosses, Government Based Careers, Entrepreneurs, Engineers, Military, Managers, Administration, Manual Labor, Tech and IT Jobs, Freelancing, Careers That Allow You To Travel, Sports or Athletics. This Pile has a VERY strong Masculine Energy. A lot of you may find yourselves in Male Dominated Career Paths, and you may have a lot of Masculine Energy in your Natal Charts as well.

Significators: Aries, Leo, Aquarius, Libra, Spanish, 10th House Mercury, 10th House Uranus, Chart Ruler in 11th House, Air and Fire Dominants, Mars in 1st or 10th, Libra Mercury, Sun-Mars and Sun-Saturn Aspects, 555, Aquarius Midheaven and DSC, Uranus Dominant.

Pile Three:

What Career Path Is Pile Three Looking To Go Into?

Queen of Wands, Queen of Cups, Page of Cups Rx

Creative Workers. A lot of you who chose this pile may have struggles or are currently struggling with finding the career path that suits you. You WANT to do a certain career, but you may think that you NEED to do another career because the career you dream of is unrealistic or out of reach or maybe just doesn't fall into your life plans or budget. You are likely searching for a career that you have an emotional connection to. Although money is important to you, you're not really concerned too much about monetary matters, because you know that you can't be happy in a career that doesn't speak to you. You want a career that you get excited about being able to do, a career that allows you to feel as though you are in control of your own life. A lot of you want to work with kids and young people, I can tell.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Elementary School Teachers, Leaders of Some Kind, Child Counselors, Midwives, Nannies, Children's Book Authors, Music Teachers, Singers, Poets, Interior Design, Home Business (Maybe a Daycare), Family Therapist, Realtor or Real Estate. In contrast to Pile Two, there is a lot of Feminine Energy in this pile. You all may find yourselves in Female Dominated career paths and you may have an abundance of Feminine Energy in your chart.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile Three?

King of Swords, The Chariot, Justice

Pile Three, I would advise you all to go into career paths where you have structure and routine. A lot of you who chose this pile have very strong morals and values with all of this watery energy here. You are kind and empathetic but you are also logical and firm. You would do well in a position of authority, where you are allowed to demonstrate and enforce self-discipline and hardwork. You will likely be known for your candor and integrity in your careers pile three. You value honesty and fairness, and it will show regardless of what path you choose. You would thrive in careers that allow you to teach others about the wonders of the World, whatever that may mean to you.

These Are Some Careers and Career Titles I Think You Would Excel At: Counselors, Networking, Mediators, Influencers, Authors, Motivational Speakers, Auditors, Elementary School Teachers, Family Therapists, Behavior Technicians, Children's' Book Authors, Interior Design, Home Businesses, Real Estate.

Significators: "Soon", Cancer, Sagittarius, Gemini, 20+, Fire, Musician, 10th House Sun or Moon, 1st House Moon, Mercury in 9th House, 4th House Stellium, Water Dominant, Pisces Moon, Cancer Midheaven, Libra, Saturnians.

#🍓 fairytalks #astrology #tarot #pick a pile #pick a card

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bookshelfdreams · 7 months

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That is certainly - a statement.

What about Jim, who both metaphorically and literally discovers a path for themself beyond what they were raised to be? What about Pete, who learns to overcome his toxic masculinity, his posturing and self-importance? What about Ed, whose entire story is about deconstructing the performance that is expected of him?

What about, oh, idk, our main fucking character Stede Bonnet, whose arc starts with him literally breaking out from the hetero marriage he was forced into despite never fitting in? Who tries (and initially fails) to build a community where he can be himself? Whose entire story is about discovering his own queerness! He starts out not even able to put a finger on WHY his marriage made him feel so suffocated, and then journeys through s1 until he reaches the emotional climax - "His name is Ed"!

Contrast that with Izzy, who has to be dragged into a supportive community kicking and screaming. Who rejects care and compassion, even at his worst, who has to be forced to accept help. He receives the leg and calls the crew a homophobic slur for it, ffs. Only after that, only when people refuse to let him push them away, is he able to poke his nose into something approaching positive human connections. And that's a powerful narrative, sure, in it's own way; but it's hardly the Ultimate Queer Experience, and it's definitely not the "only queer arc".

And Izzy never lets go of the old ways. He never abandons the Blackbeard-era pirate lifestyle for something more positive, not fully. And that's okay, because ultimately, his arc isn't even about himself.

It's about Ed.

Ed keeps repeating toxic relationship patterns, and Izzy is a part of that. He's linked (on purpose, and I wish it had been done more explicitly) to Ed's father; because Izzy represents the poison that was instilled in Ed from a young age, and that has become so entrenched in his system that he can't imagine a life without it. He keeps Izzy around despite being hurt by him because Izzy is predictable, and in that, is safe, even though he hurts Ed; at least it's a hurt Ed is familiar with and can rely on.

When Izzy slowly changes it's to show that Ed is growing beyond the little voice in his head telling him to reject softness, that he can never be loved, that We're just not these kinds of people. If Izzy can evolve from someone spitting boyfriend at Ed like it's a slur to someone congratulating him on getting laid by that same person, Ed can overcome his inner demons telling him the same thing.

That's the point of Izzy's arc. And this is why he has to die, because Ed can never be truly free as long as Izzy is around. So Izzy goes, quietly, peacefully, and releases Ed of the poison; apologizes to him, tells him I was so wrong, and I am so sorry, because that's what Ed needs to hear to move forward.

And that's such a kind, positive way to end the story of Izzy Hands.

#'izzy has the only queer arc' get the fuck out of here #this is such a baffling take what fucking show did you watch #izzys is not never has been and never was going to be the protagonist. he was only ever a device to tell the story of ed.#sorry ik yall dont like to hear this but its the truth.#god forbid a fictional white man die in a television series #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #thoughts #izzy hands #if you want to pick a fight w me over this I am simply not going to respond to that <3

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inkskinned · 1 year

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something that stuck with me once, way back in middle school when i was still learning how to write - my teacher said "writing shock and tragedy is easy, it's humor that's the hardest."

i have been up and down the halls of academia. i have the fancy degree and the experience in publishing. i think i paved most of my own road with the little bricks of sorrow i had stored inside of me. i know i did it mostly with works that are blisteringly lonely. i know why we write like that. it's lifesaving.

but yeah, i mean. i also know how much people think that "sad" media is the same thing as "good" media. our human desire to connect is so hard-pressed that we immediately latch onto any broken themes. the bullied kids and the tales of inspiration. people keep saying things like "glass onion" and "everything everywhere" weren't actually good. because, you know, they're. happy. or happy-ish. happy enough. and we only value art if it's grimdark-adjacent.

do you know - people still consistently whine at me that my writing would be so good if i just capitalized things. i used to flinch. i get kind of a weird, vindictive little rush these days - i get to say thank you for the comment! i have chronic pain and this is how i conserve my hands so i can write more during the day :) grammar isn't real anyway! and now they're trapped in the room with me, you know? i get to pull out my map and show them how grammar is not the same thing as good writing.

writers have this thing. we scratch at our insides, constantly, prying our lives apart into splinters. prying the splinters apart into atoms. when we combust something into poetry, we control it. it cannot hurt us if it exists outside of us rather than burning a hole through the bottom of our lungs. it's not a wonder to me that so much of what i make comes out like a death gasp. i spent a long time at the bottom. i keep going back, too. when you're down there for so long, the only thing you can exhale is fumes.

but humor is hard. humor needs timing; which i can't promise in a paragraph. i can kind-of force it through careful spacing, but i have no idea how fast you're reading these things. humor needs a somewhat awareness of your audience, when really - anybody could be looking. humor needs us to understand what the joke is, why it's a joke, and to think - ha! that is funny. in tragedy, everyone understands the metaphor of a kicked puppy. in humor, you need to introduce them to the concept of a dog.

and forget about positivity. forget about anything not made for adults explicitly. every time i see a well-made children's media piece, i feel fucking horrible for the creators. most of the time, people see children's media as being sort of "not worth" applause, even though i'm pretty sure they have to work twice as hard. i have no idea how hard it must be to not be able to have your character just say. "well, fuck." something about a message of peace or friendship or caring - for some reason, that makes the media not for adults. like, okay. i'm pretty sure my father actually, out of all of us, could use a good book on how to control his temper and talk about his feelings.

but whatever. i write a short story about my ocd, and how it's fucking killing me. it gets an award. it gets published. i write a short story about my ocd, and how i'm overcoming it, and how my days are getting lighter and starting to flourish. i keep getting ghosted. no response. it just is lacking... something.

is this it, forever? you can be an artist, okay. but the trade off is that the things you make - if they're happy? if they're joyful? people will say it's stupid and pandering. you bite your nails off. you file your teeth. you hear something inside of you breaking.

the other day in a writing group, someone i'd thought of as a friend said: "you write so much better these days! i love what you make when you'd rather be dead."

#i have no idea what this is about #writeblr #i think u might tho. if ur an artist. u might. idk

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telvess · 7 months

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RoR: Morning with them (Hermes, Hades, Qin) 🔞

I've finally defeated my writer's block, at least a bit. And I swear I wanted to write something fluffy. Then why - for the Helheim sake - I ended up writing NSFW context again…?

Hermes

You were wakened by a morning sunlight. You opened your eyes and immediately regretted it, covering your head with the pillow to find relief in the partial darkness. The empty space next to you - where your hand expected to find Hermes - alarmed you, so you forced yourself to peek again. The feeling of disappointment woke you up completely. — Why are you leaving so early? — you mumbled, seeing him getting ready in front of the mirror. He was putting on a shirt, so for the last seconds you could see his naked back, which you had kissed many times last night. — Duty calls. — You’re god, you know? — you jumped out of the bed and hugged him from behind — You have the right to take the day off! Even as you interfered, Hermes buttoned his dress shirt. — I’m afraid the gods don’t have that privilege. — Really? — you sighed into his back — Even we, humans, figured that out! You saw his reflection in the mirror smiling at you. After the shirt, the time had come for a tie. — Let me — you offered help. Without a word, Hermes handed you the tie, and as you placed it around his neck, you felt his eyes on you. Since you were standing naked in front of him, your cheeks suddenly felt warm, and the situation didn't get any better as you remembered what happened last night. — Is everything okay? — Yes — you replied, however you didn’t have enough courage to look up. Otherwise, you would have notice Hermes’ mischievous expression, because - as always - he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. As you were tying a tie, Hermes’ hands appeared on your waist. He was already wearing white gloves and was now caressing your skin with the soft fabric. As his touch was leaving burning trace on your bare skin, your sensitive body slowly began to wake up. Hermes moved his hands to your back, where he raised them along your spine to reach your shoulders, neck and finally your jawline. You bit your lower lip and without second thought, you let your hands slide over Hermes’ collar to touch his neck with trembling fingers. — Patient, silly goose — his calm voice brought you back to reality — Tonight you gonna untie that tie as well. Your eyes met his. Hermes seemed amused by your confusion, but beside that you didn’t notice any sign of lying. — Will you leave that early the next morning too? — you asked. Then, to your surprise, Hermes just leaned towards you. Your lips moved instinctively as he approached closer to yours, meeting in a deep, promising kiss. Every time Hermes and you shared an intimacy moment, you slowly lost yourself in his firm hug and skilled tongue, but over time you started to realize that he was the one who was overcome with passion much more than one would expect. As if his perfect, unshakable image had loosened slightly, as if Hermes had finally forgotten himself in the endless years of tasks assigned by Zeus. Then again, something - perhaps his divine control or just aversion to being late - forced him to stop. Hermes was the first to regain absolute control over himself. The only things that gave him away was his rapid breathing and the messy hair you gave him, which was also taken care of very quickly. — Yes — he answered, calmly. It took you a moment to remember what you had asked him, and once you did, a groan of disappointed escaped your lips — However, tomorrow we will wake up much earlier. You smiled at the hidden promise in his words. Hermes checked himself in the mirror one last time before touching your jaw again and forcing you to look into his eyes. — That’s a good knot. Thank you.

Hades

You were lying partially on Hades’ chest and were leaving a trails of small kisses on his exposed skin. Some time ago, a faint light started to seep through the curtains, but you were already awake. Watching Hades sleep was something you never expected to do and you really hoped now that it wasn't a dream. As you left another kiss, you saw how Hades’ head moved slightly. — Oh? — he looked so adorable: sleepy eyes, messy hair and a very lazy smile. You felt so lucky that you had witnessed this side of the king of the Underworld. — Good morning — you smiled back. — Morning, my queen — Hades ran his fingers through his hair, making them even more dishevelled. — Did you sleep well? — you asked, trying really hard to hide your laugh. — Yes, but it doesn't compare to the awakening. Hearing this made you want to kiss him again, but now your fingers also explored his skin, following a track of his sculpted muscles. — Well… I didn’t mean to wake you up… — you kissed him again — It’s just… — and again, — … you teased me. — Oh, really? — Hades grabbed you with his large arms and rolled over with you, so that you were now underneath him. You laughed at the sudden change. For a moment he just looked at you without any particular expression, and then he leaned towards your neck, where he placed a very gentle kiss. His warm breath on your skin, especially on that sensitive spot he found out about last night, made you moan. Hades lifted his head just for a moment to show you his triumphant smile before returning to leave more kisses just below your ear. — You are… aah-h… so… You couldn’t control your body anymore, but was that a reason to be angry? Because you felt so good right now as Hades continued his journey down your chest to your breasts. You ignored weak resistance of your pride and closed your eyes, enjoying the moment. Hades’ lips around your nipples sent shivers your lower parts and as he licked and sucked on them, more moans escaped your lips. You grabbed his hair and arched your back in a fit of passion. — Now, now, who’s the teaser here… — you heard his quiet, deep voice. — Hades… His lips were replaced by his hands now, which slowly massaged your breasts, and Hades' fingers poked your nipples from time to time. — Just look at you — he said slowly — Very naked and very… mine. You couldn’t help but smiled. You opened eyes just to find him watching you. He reached for your head to brushed your hair behind your ear. — I didn’t know you’re such tamer. Hades laughed, his finger was curling your strand of hair. — I didn’t know that either. Looks like you drew it out of me. — Oh, so now it’s my fault? — Well… — he pinched your cheek — What can I say, that’s your charm, dear. You giggled. — Woah, quality save. Hades leaned towards your lips, but stopped an inch before he reached them. — You know, y/n… — he whispered — I'm not a morning person, but you're on your way to changing that. — You seem to have a lot of energy, my king. — And even more ideas on how to use it. Hades wasn’t lying, he had plenty of them.

Qin Shi Huang

You were a light sleeper, so when Qin sat at the edge of the bed, your eyes immediately opened. — Don’t go! — you muttered, and in a sudden burst of desperation, you clutched to Qin’s back and wrapped your arms and legs around his waist like little child. — I’m expected to, my sweet lady — said Qin, but his tone indicated he was open to conviction. — Yesterday you said that you expected your empress to speak loudly about her needs! — you remained — And today I expect you to stay and entertain me! You left a few kisses on his centipede tattoo that ran down his back and smiled in satisfaction as you felt Qin’s body tremble. You pretended to shudder with the cold. — Ugh! I’m so cold! Qin froze for a moment, the sculpted muscles on his back flexed and then before you could blink, he turned around and gently pushed you onto your back. — Cold? — said Qin, outraged — In the presence of the emperor? Unforgivable! Then he lay down close by and he whispered with a smile: — I will handle this matter myself. You giggled as he covered both of you with the duvet, and then pulled you into his chest. He held you tightly in embrace, with his face buried in your hair you felt his warm breath on your neck. — You smell nice — his words made you blush. You started massaging Qin’s muscular arm, feeling his bare skin with your fingers and listening to his slow breathing made your body completely relaxed, to the point where you had to fight with yourself to not fall asleep again. — Qin… — you mumbled. — Yes? — I’m sleepy… — That’s good to hear. You frowned but didn’t open your eyes. — No! I don’t want to sleep again because… because I hate waking up alone! You felt his grip tighten, and then his lips whispered next to your ear: — I’m never too far away. You opened you mouth and closed it almost immediately, feeling ashamed of yourself. — Well… You’re right — you said and sat straight— You have your responsibilities. You should go. — Oh? — you couldn’t help but smile at his disappointed reaction — The duties are where I am! Your attempt of withhold a laugh was mediocre, and soon the huge bedroom you shared was filled with loud laugher from both of you. Qin grabbed your arm and forced you to lie down next to him. — Here I thought I'd rest a little longer… — he sighed. — Oh, so you tried to use me as an excuse then! Qin presented you his false smile that he usually gives to unwanted advisors, and you stuck your tongue out at him in the response, then grabbed his cheek and moved his head towards you, so you could place a kiss on his lips. His hand appeared on your back almost immediately and the other one hid itself in you hair, pulling you closer to his warm body. — It seems you have a new reason to stay — you said once you stopped kissing and looked at the bulge in his pants. — Yes, and it requires an immediate solution. Qin touched your jaw and turned your face towards him. You could drown in his pure, innocence eyes, even now, when he had such dirty thoughts. You giggled, feeling sudden surge of shyness. Qin smacked his lips. — You shouldn’t make emperor wait.

#record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #ror x reader #snv x reader #ror hades #ror hermes #ror qin shi huang #ror hermes x reader #ror hades x reader #ror qin shi huang x reader #snv hades x reader #snv hermes x reader #snv qin shi huang x reader #udj

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martiniblues · 9 months

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all i can taste is this moment ; 이민형

pairing idol!mark x female!reader

synopsis after being separated for months due to mark being on tour, you try and make his return as memorable as possible. overcome with being reunited with your boyfriend, you realize that no amount of gifts or decorations could equal the way you felt with him.

genre tooth rotting fluff, reader uses she!her pronouns, nicknames (baby, love, pretty boy/girl) used, slightly suggestive at the end.

wc 2.1k

part two to this, but can be read as a stand alone!

you sat in the airport, a small bounce in your leg. you weren’t anxious per se, just overcome with the all consuming feeling that mark would be yours in the next ten minutes. this feeling had been bubbling within you for days but had now begun to overflow from every pore.

you had covered your apartment from head to toe in decorations. streamers and balloons were taped to your cabinets, which greeted you from the door, and small gifts that you had collected during your time apart sat neatly wrapped on the counter.

you and mark had never been apart for this long. three achingly long months had you both exhausted, not having each other to recharge on after long, stress-filled days.

"someone seems excited." your friend grinned at your state. bobbing legs and fidgeting hands made up your body, while a smile was fighting to stay put against your lips.

you had spent the entirety of the day before and the morning of on the phone with mark texting, calling, and facetime-ing.

after that night a few months ago, you both agreed to take time for each other out of the day. whether it be through sending videos recapping your day while simultaneously doing your nighttime routine (mark) or sending small texts or photos throughout the day instead of paragraphs (you).

with all the thoughts running through your mind, you almost didn’t feel your friend's hand shake your shoulder. "your lover boy’s here." your eyes quickly focused ahead of you on mark, completely missing the smirk pulled on your friend's lips at your lovesick expression.

you couldn’t even speak, with love, relief, and happiness taking over all your senses. you nearly felt stuck to your seat with shock before a sudden jolt pushed you forward and into the arms of your boy.

"holy shit," his breathy voice greeted you in a warm, hard hug. it was the type of hug that made you lose your breath and feel nothing but his arms tightly wrapped around your back and shoulders.

strangers could’ve thought this was a goodbye, and the sight of the two of you holding one another so tight as if you could slip away any second, but there was still that feeling creeping on you.

you knew this would more than likely happen again, making you want to make his arrival even more special.

"god, i missed you so much. fuck, i missed you." he pulled back only slightly so he could hold your face between his hands. his eyes held every emotion his words couldn’t seem to express.

"i missed you more than words can explain, mark." the words came out shaky as tears brimmed your eyes, and he had the same reaction.

a small tear fell from his eye and curled with the appearance of his smile. you wish humans had developed a way to take photos with the eye because you would have captured that beautiful moment. but it brought your own smile to your lips, knowing that you were the only person to see him like this and share this intimate moment with him.

"your hair…" his hair was long and blond when you last saw him. even with a beanie covering his head, you still noticed the short, dark strands underneath. "you like?" he moved his head as if he were showing off for the paparazzi, making you both laugh at his silly antics.

"okay love birds, some of us wanna go home and sleep." renjun’s half-hearted voice broke you both from your daze, sending you all out the door towards your respective cars.

hand in hand, the two of you made your way to your car. "fucking finally." mark sighed once he got seated in the passenger seat. without another second of silence, he pulled you in by the neck before you were even able to crank up the car.

your lips fit into his perfectly, as they always did, but this time it was as if mark was trying to express everything he felt in that moment in a single gesture. his hands that rested on the back of your neck centered you to the ground with their weight, and his lips moved so softly but with so much love that it made you dizzy.

it was evident on your face after he pulled back that the kiss had taken a toll on you. cheeks flushed and eyes fluttering, his face broke out into a toothy smile. "i was waiting to do that." he stroked his thumb up and down the sides of your neck, sending a small chill up your spine.

"clearly! you almost knocked the air out of me." you joked before finally cranking up the car and heading home.

your stomach began to flutter as you made your way into your apartment building.

would he think it’s too much?

are you being too dramatic?

your worries were soon silenced as mark kissed you feverishly in the elevator just as the door closed. "i seriously think i’m having kiss withdrawal from you, pretty girl." he spoke lovingly before kissing you once more right before the door opened, leaving you a blushing mess.

it’s like there’s a magnetic pull between the two of you, with his hands seemingly always on your sides or held between yours. you also couldn’t contain yourself, spending a bit too long at red lights ogling at your boyfriend's pretty face on the drive back.

if it weren’t for the nerves creeping up your neck, you would be all over him, just as he was with you.

"need help, baby?" he questioned as you fumbled with your keys at the door like it were your first time holding the object. "oh no, sorry, i’m just…" you couldn’t quite get the words out with the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment suffocating you at this point.

"baby, everything okay?" mark’s eyes searched for yours in an attempt to understand what was going on. "come on. i wanna know what’s running through that pretty little head of yours." his hands came up and rested on the sides of your face, making you to finally look up at him.

"it’s just…" you began, his head slightly nodding for you to continue. "i wanted to make this all very special for you since this is the longest it's been that you’ve had to be gone for, and i’m now just overthinking it, and- shit, i just don’t want you to think i’m this crazy over the top girlfriend." your words were rushed, leaving you to catch your breath.

mark’s eyes softened while his mouth was pulled into a toothy grin. "you did something for me?" his sweet voice was laced with an airy laugh as he looked at you like you had told him the secrets of the universe. "yeah…" you sheepishly turned and unlocked your door, hoping mark didn’t notice how red your face had gotten from all of his sweet words.

you opened the door to reveal all the decorations you had put up earlier that morning. a spider-man "welcome home" banner hung across the upper head cabinets, and colorful balloons and streamers were attached to the ceiling, along with two gifts that still sat on the table.

he walked in without saying a word, his back turned to you since he raced through the door right as you opened it. with the lack of words and no way of seeing his face, you began to get worried again.

"i know it’s too much just-" your words were cut off immediately when mark’s lips crashed into yours. teeth slightly clanking together and hands aimlessly searching to hold you anywhere and everywhere, he couldn’t contain himself.

you yelped slightly, bringing your hands to hold his face, and you could feel his cheeks heating up from under your palms. "i kiss fucking kiss love kiss you kiss." you couldn’t contain the smile that instantly pulled at your lips while mark’s were placed against yours.

"i love you too." you breathed as he finally freed you from his lips. "just… god you’re so amazing." his arms wrapped around you tightly and he picked you up from the ground, causing you to squeal at his silly antics.

he finally sat you down on the counter, right beside the presents you had gotten for him. "oh, for me" his dramatic voice made you laugh and pull him into you for what felt like the thousandth time in minutes.

"it’s just a few things that made me think of you while you were away. don’t get too excited, pretty boy." your hands ran through his dark strands to fix the messed up strands from your scandalous actions at the door.

he picked up a tiny, blue-wrapped box with a small white bow tied neatly around it. his delicate fingers undid the wrapping so as not to mess up your hard work. little glances and smiles were exchanged after every rip of wrapping, as if he were a little kid on christmas.

finally ridding the box of all its wrapping, he was left staring at an even smaller brown box. inside was a tiny pendant with your initials on a silver chain.

"and look!" before he could even get a word out, you reached down your shirt and pulled out a matching necklace, except with a “m” hanging from the chain.

"i know you don’t really like rings, and with this, you could wear it all the time under your clothes for things, and it’s even waterproof!" you geeked out. mark was still relatively silent, consumed with his love for you. his heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment.

"you’re fucking amazing, you know that? you’re incredible, baby." his hands were placed on either side of your thighs, which now trapped him in front of you. his eyes followed yours no matter what as you clasped the chain around his neck.

after placing a quick kiss on his cheek, he opened his next gift with just as much eagerness. this one was in a bag stuffed with colorful tissue paper. it was filled with various t-shirts with mark’s favorite artists and media.

"you know you can never have too many!" you smiled as he examined each shirt. "you mean we. me and you both know these will end up on you at some point." he teased, making you blush at the suggestive comment. "yeah, yeah, whatever, pretty boy." you pulled him back in-front of you by his hand. all your nerves finally falling out of your system, leaving you at ease.

he was between your legs once more, fingers pawing at your thighs and hips. "mmm, i missed you lots you know? spent every single second thinking about you." he groaned as his head laid against your palm.

"i saw you everywhere, baby. everything reminded me of you; it almost drove me insane. i mean, did the new spider-man movie have to come out while you were gone? the universe must know that’s our thing!" mark’s smile grew more and more at the words that came out of your mouth. his head seriously couldn’t wrap around how in love he is with you.

"it just sucks cause i feel like i lost so much time with you." your free hand came up and caressed the sides of his face and raked into his hair. "i know, pretty baby, i know." his head detached from your hand as he then attached his lips to various parts of your face.

first your cheek, then your brow, temple, forehead, nose, and then made his way down your neck, causing your breath to hitch and your eyes to flutter shut. your fingers gripped harder on his hair.

"mark…" you moaned as his lips attached to a specific spot. "yes, pretty girl?" he looked up at you with lethal amounts of love and lust in his eyes. "i know one way we can make up for the lost time." his face now came up at level with yours. your fingers looping into his belt loops, pulling him flush against you.

"oh yeah and how is that?" his head tutted to the side as if he were actually oblivious, which clearly he was not in any way. "i think you know…" you smirked as you hopped off the counter and threaded his fingers into yours to guide him towards your shared room.

small laughs between kisses and longing touches were exchanged on the way. you both completely drunk on one another, while all of the pent-up feelings you shared finally being freed.

now all you could taste was each other, and you two would never want it any other way.

notes | maybe i got a bit too carried away… BUT i’m so sorry for my disappearance and for how long part two took to come out. i just got back to school and my job had been pretty hectic (help). i have so many ideas for new works and will hopefully have a lot more time now. hope you enjoyed this and please leave suggestions in my ask box!!!

#mark lee #mark lee fic #mark lee fluff #mark lee imagines #nct #nct 127 #nct 127 fic #nct dream #nct dream fic #nct fluff #nct mark lee #mark lee x you #mark lee scenarios #mark lee x reader #nct x reader #nct x you #nct scenarios

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miguelswifey04 · 9 months

Note

Miguel with cry baby reader who every time she messes something up she’ll cry or loses something she’ll cry or if she can’t figure something out she’ll cry

hahaha yeah <3

miguel o’hara x crybaby! f reader

you stood in the middle of the room, tears streaming down your face as you looked down at the broken glass you had accidentally dropped. you felt frustrated with yourself for yet another mishap. it seemed like every small mistake or lost item brought you to tears, leaving your feeling overwhelmed.

miguel, who happened to be nearby, noticed your distress and quickly came over, concern etched on his face. he wrapped his arms around you, offering comfort and support. “shhh, it's okay, my love. i’m here for you. sometimes things go wrong, but that doesn't define who you are. you’re so much more than these mishaps.”

as you’re sobbing softly in his arms, you cling to him as if he’ll slip away. “i just feel so stupid, miguel. it’s like everything i touch falls apart or disappears. i don't understand why i can't do things right.” miguel’s eyes softens as he holds you even tighter. it breaks his heart to see you talk badly about yourself, “oh, darling, you're far from stupid. you have a beautiful, sensitive heart, and that's something to be cherished. making mistakes is a part of being human, and it's how we learn and grow. let’s focus on finding solutions and learning from these experiences, rather than dwelling on what went wrong.”

while you sniffle, wiping your tears you can’t help but feel an overwhelming wave of sadness wash over you, “but it's so hard, miguel. i feel so overwhelmed by it all. even the smallest setbacks seem to break me down. i can't seem to handle things the way others do.” miguel gently cupped your face in his hands, looking into your eyes with tenderness and reassurance.

“you are resilient, my love. i’ve seen your strength, your determination. and i’ll be right here by your side, supporting you every step of the way. together, we can overcome any obstacle.” with miguel’s comforting presence, your tears began to subside. you found solace in his unwavering support and understanding, knowing that you could lean on him in times of distress or self-doubt. over time, with miguel’s encouragement, you learned to recognize your emotional sensitivity as a strength rather than a weakness.

tags 🏷️!! @kairiscorner @emiemiemiii @sabcandoit @obi-mom-kenobi @meeom @astro1bloom

#spiderman atsv #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel o'hara #atsv x reader #🌱 lin writes #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel o’hara x y/n #lin’s asks #♡´･ᴗ･`♡ lin answers #miguel o’hara drabble #miguel o’hara imagine #miguel o’hara fluff #miguel o’hara x fem!reader #miguel o’hara x crybaby!reader #miguel o hara #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #i need miguel

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twilightt-fantasy · 3 months

Text

fight or flight [aro volturi]

request: Can I request #3 and #13 with Aro Volturi and a human?

prompts: "take a deep breath" // "you're okay, i promise"

requested by: anon

warnings: panic attack

thank you for requesting!!

it had been building all day.

the familiar sensation of a panic attack had been on the brink of her mind all day, just waiting to spill out at the perfect time. she was hyperaware of everything, her fingers fidgeting, her knee bouncing, her breathing increased.

she couldn't tell what was causing it, but then again, she never could. anxiety was something she had struggled with for years, something she could never pinpoint a cause of, and something she still couldn't get under control.

no medication helped, or meditation, or therapy.

it made her feel utterly isolated.

the longer she was left alone with her thoughts, the worse she felt. she had spent most of her day exploring the castle with her guard, simply trying to keep the inevitable attack at bay. her mate, aro, was busy that day with trials and one thing she refused to do was call him away from his work - not for something as silly as this.

but now, she curled up in their shared bed, no longer able to bring herself to communicate with others. her thoughts were too occupied with her panic, her conversations stilted and drawn out because she couldn't focus long enough to pay attention to the topics being talked about.

she could feel her breathing grower faster, her heart beat picked up in her chest, and she sat up in bed, suddenly unable to sit still. her chest felt too tight as she swung her legs over the bed and stood quickly, needing to move instead of sit still. her vision was going dark, small black dots clouding her sight. hot tears slid down her cheeks, the wetness not helping with her fading vision.

the girl flinched when cold hands settled on her shoulders, unable to hear the words aro was speaking to her in her state of mind. she felt him lead her to the bed and push on her shoulders, forcing her to sit. "tesoro, tesoro, please listen to me."

his words broke through her thoughts and she drew in a harsh, wheezing breath. "i-i can't."

"you can, my darling. take a deep breath."

she drew in another breath, but it was still shallow and stuttered. a whine escaped with the exhale and she reached up, clutching her hair with her fingers. aro's hands moved to cover hers, this time pushing her head between her knees. he unwound one of her hands from her hair to place on his chest. "breathe with me, darling."

aro's chest began to rise and fall under her hand and she stilled for a moment, trying her best to sync her breathing to his own. his was slightly uneven, likely due to the fact that he didn't feel the need to breathe regularly. as her hand rose and fell with her mate's chest, she managed to break through the panic in her mind and focus more on him. he sat close to her, one hand still on top of her head while the other rested on his chest.

"you're okay, i promise." aro whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to the back of her head. "you're doing great."

"i don't know what happened." her voice was still shaky and eyes were still wet.

aro's hand left her hair as she lifted her head and he instead moved to wipe her tears from her face. his lips were tilted into a kind smile, his eyes gentle and touch soft as he cared for his mate. "it's over now, my love. we know it's something that happens."

"i hate it." she sniffled, reaching up to catch another tear as it fell. "makes me feel so weak."

"none of that." the raven-haired king lifted her chin in order to meet her eyes, this time his expression stern. "you're not weak - you're very strong to be able to overcome your panic like that. resilient."

she looked doubtfully at aro, who only leaned forward to kiss her in order to silence any protest. "my strong mate." he murmured against her lips. "i'm proud of you for being able to overcome it. you should be too."

she didn't respond, instead leaning into his kiss again and closing her eyes. while she had a long way to go in order to overcome her anxiety and panic attacks, she was grateful to have such an attentive mate to help her through them every time.

#twilight #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight x reader #twilight oneshot #volturi #aro volturi #aro volturi oneshot #aro volturi x reader #aro volturi imagine #aro volturi imagines

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fiber-optic-alligator · 4 months

Note

Hello! If you still got slots for requests, may I ask for some soft vore with Earthspark Bumblebee? Hope that’s okay!

It is absolutely okay anon! Earthspark Bumblebee...whatta guy. Personally, he's one of my favorite Bee incarnations, so I really enjoyed writing this. Thanks for the request! Feedback is always appreciated! :D

I wanted to make the reader androgynous when it comes to the environment Earthspark takes place in for the sake of all of you who are imagining yourselves into the story. Just assume you live on the Malto property alongside Bumblebee to help train the Terrans and kids if you wish.

Warmth In Raindrops

Pairing: Earthspark Bumblebee x Human Reader

Warning: This story contains soft vore. If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, then please do not read this story.

Word Count: 1661

You can’t sleep.

The thunder outside keeps you awake. With every crashing boom, you feel like there are a million trash cans toppling over outside, ringing painfully and causing your eardrums to ache. You shiver, drawing the covers over your head, your body curled up into a ball as you shrink back against your mattress. Lightning flashes through the window blinds. You feel like you are trapped within a haunted mansion despite being in your own bedroom.

You can’t sleep like this, and if the storm continues at this ferocity, you won’t be earning a wink all night.

More thunder. A whimper escapes your lips, and you squeeze your eyelids shut so tightly they hurt. You can feel the fatigue weighing you down, all the way from your bones to your brain. It’s quite pathetic to find yourself in this state. Childhood is long behind you; thunder is not something you should fear anymore. Yet, you’ve never managed to get over that instinctive dislike for loud sounds. And so here you are, with no way to escape the anger from the skies above, forced to tremble before their booming might.

You don’t want to be alone.

Slowly, you sit up and push the covers off of you. Each careful step you take through the house is illuminated by the lightning and shaken by the heavy drumming of raindrops. You have to dress yourself for the weather before you go outside. Your coat and boots do little to ward off the deluge, and as soon as you walk out the front door, you are soaked. Anxiety is quickly overcome by frustration. You run for the large red barn that sits a little ways off from the house, mud and water splashing in your wake as you keep your hood over your head. The comforting farm scents of hay and horse bring peace to your agonized mind when you slip through the doors and into the darkness.

There are no animals, not right now. In the far corner of the barn, you see a hulking mass spread out on its back. It is big; bigger than anything else in the barn, the giant robot who is currently taking up residence here is fast asleep. You peel off your coat and boots, throwing them to the side before tiptoeing over to the black-and-yellow mech. Bumblebee is huge, even when he is laying down like this, but you feel no fear when you approach the recharging bot. He’s proven himself time and time again that he would never hurt you.

“Bee,” you hiss.

Bumblebee snores.

You sigh. “Bee.” You shake his arm lightly. “Bee, wake up.”

He snorts and sits up sharply, optics flickering open with a start. “Huh? Wha…?” His gaze lands on you. “Oh. Y/N. What-what time is it?”

“It’s midnight,” you reply.

“Midnight?” He stretches his arms over his head and yawns like a big cat, large incisors on full display while blue light momentarily radiates from his mouth. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

You look down at your feet and shrug, mumbling out a halfhearted answer that doesn’t form into proper words. He takes the sight of you in and softens.

“Can’t sleep?” he whispers.

You shake your head and hug yourself tightly. Bumblebee smiles sympathetically and rolls onto his side, opening his arms wide. “Come here.”

You don’t need any more convincing. He laughs softly when you practically fling yourself into him. He curls himself around you, hugging you tight to his chassis. “Clingy tonight, aren’t we?”

“Mm, shut up.” You slap him lightly. He laughs and coos, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “Cute little one,” he murmurs.

More thunder causes you to stiffen. He notices and chuffs questioningly. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

You tilt your head up to look at him. The glow of his optics is calm, his expression one of soft concern. It’s a bit embarrassing for you, a grown adult, to admit the answer, but the look he’s giving you silently implores you to trust him. You can tell him anything. He won’t judge.

“The thunder,” you reply.

Bumblebee blinks. “Is it scaring you?”

You bite your bottom lip and nod, lowering your head to sheepishly hide your reddening cheeks in your arms. The mech’s voice drops to a whisper. “Hey.” He dips his index digit under your chin and tips your head back up to meet his gaze. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I get it, I do.” He rubs his thumb up and down your thigh in a soothing manner and speaks with a honey-sweet tone. “Do you want to go inside?”

You perk up a little. “You-you mean it?”

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t,” he chuckles. “I know how sensitive your ears are to loud noises, and even though I can be quite…noisy…” He presses his servo over his midsection, and you can hear an eager growl echo up from beneath his plating. “I know you would rather listen to me than the thunder. So c’mon.” He opens his intake, casting you in the cyan glow of his biolights. “You want in?”

You hesitate, casting an uneasy look into the massive robotic mouth that’s so, so close to you. Warm air that carries the slight scent of gasoline wafts around you, beckoning you forward with hypnotic warmth. You’ve never allowed yourself to be…eaten by a Cybertronian before. You are aware of their capabilities, of how they can swallow a human down into their tank. You wouldn’t be digested. You’d be…warm…

Bumblebee senses your nervousness and tries to soothe you with low purrs. He bumps his nose against you again. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he murmurs. “You’ll be safe. I promise, I’ll always keep you safe.”

You inhale shakily. Warmth. Safety. You’ll take both over the thunder. So you sit up and reach your arms forward to carefully press your hands against his tongue.

It’s soft, squishy. It doesn’t have a fleshy feeling to it, but rather its texture is like silicone, allowing you to sink into it with little resistance. Bumblebee looks down at you with a twinkle in his eye. Slowly, he shifts your hands to the side by curling his tongue up to taste them. The sensation of it rolling underneath your palms causes you to giggle. “T-That tickles.”

“Does it? Sorry. You just…you taste really good.”

“I…I do?”

“Yes.” He presses his tongue up against your palms with more force. “I can definitely see myself craving you.”

You giggle again. “I don’t know whether to be flattered or disgusted.”

“Ehh, maybe both.” He laughs. “But I’d prefer the former over the latter.”

He nudges you forward. You comply and allow him to guide you into his mouth. Climbing over giant teeth, you flop forward, biolight washing over you as you peer down his throat. He lifts his tongue to slide you further in. He’s patient with this; there’s no hunger in the way he draws you in, no sense of urgency or possessiveness. He lets you go at your own pace, and only when you are completely inside does he close his mouth. The sound of the thunder is barely audible now. You nestle in and close your eyes, soaking in the heat, content to remain like this for the rest of the night.

Bumblebee hums. His tongue rises only a little, and you inch closer to his throat. Though he doesn’t gulp you down, from the way saliva is practically dripping from every surface of his mouth right now, you can tell he desperately wishes to swallow you. Not wanting to torture him any longer, you give him the all clear. “It’s okay, Bee. I’m ready.”

Another hum is what you get for a response. He gives one last little lick to your face before he swallows.

It’s a slow journey down. You close your eyes and let his esophagus carry you further into his body. All around you is the sound of his purrs. When you finally do slip into his fuel tank and sink into the thick, squishy cables that close in to hug you close, you feel such an intense level of comfort that it makes you want to beg him to keep you in here forever.

“Y/N?” Bumblebee whispers for you. “Are you alright? Can you hear me?”

“Mm.” You make a soft, relaxed noise. “M’ okay, Bee. I can hear you.”

“Is it alright in there?” he asks. “Are you warm? Can you see?”

“Bee, trust me, I’m fine. I’m very warm and I feel very happy.” You lay flat on your back and stare up at the tank’s “ceiling.” All around you, his biolights shine. It’s like a light show that feels so good to look at. “I don’t know why we haven’t done this before.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to do it,” he says. “I haven’t done this with a human in…oh gosh, I want to say years, but it's probably been a decade.” The tank walls squeeze you in one big bear hug…or, bot hug, you think humorously to yourself. “But I’m glad I could do it again with you.”

You smile and close your eyes. “You are such a sap.”

“What can I say?” He squeezes you again. “I’m always a sap for you, little one.”

You murmur incomprehensible noises and turn onto your stomach, squirming with a flustered feeling rising within you as your cheeks turn red. Bumblebee coos and cuddles you, wrapping his arms around his midsection to hold you tightly within. You say nothing else, and yet, you know you don’t have to. He understands. He always does.

There is no thunder here. Only gurgles and purrs and his sparkbeat. You find yourself slipping off into sleep before you know it. Your rest is deep and undisturbed. It’s safe here. You are safe here. With him surrounding you, protecting you, there is no reason to remain awake.

#gator writes #transformers earthspark #transformers #tf earthspark #earthspark bumblebee #tfe bumblebee #bumblebee x reader #reader insert #transformers x human reader #transformers x reader #transformers g/t #soft vore #safe vore #maccadam

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myslvtwritings · 8 months

Note

Hi! :D Can I request headcanons on the upper moon demons (1,2,3+ Muzan) reactions to finding out their fem s/o is suffering from depression? (Especially after she’s tried to hide it from them and everyone else, not once admitting to having it - frankly because she feels as if they wouldn’t care or take her seriously anyway (due to past experiences with her own family and friends), until she couldn’t keep up the facade of acting cheerful, laid back and positive all the time, it being obvious that there is something quite not right with her, even if she denies it, trying to downplay the situation, knowing full well herself that it’s getting bad).

(Aaaaaaa, I love ur headcanons 😭💓 I’m sorry if this topic is not something you’d be comfortable with writing for, it’s just something I’ve been experiencing myself lately for the past couple of months, it’s getting harder each day, kinda have been feeling empty, exhausted and genuinely depressed lately, no one that I know cares or takes me seriously, nor tries to help me overcome these emotions :), I appreciate you reading my request anyway!<3 sorry for kinda pouring my heart out, ik it’s cringe and unnecessary, sorry).

No, no! it’s completely okay. I suffer from depression myself so i’m comfortable writing for topics like these! I honestly love writing angst/hurt/+comfort so ya!! Thank you for requesting, anon!! (Also i’m happy you like my headcanons! Tysm for your kind words. I do hope you feel better and i hope these hc’s can cheer you up!)

➤ Uppermoons with a Fem!S/O who suffers from Depression

➤ SFW headcanons

including: Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma and Akaza.

•

warnings: non-canon reactions, mentions of suicidal thoughts, angst, etc.

Muzan

Muzan isn’t an idiot.

He can sense from a mile away that something is in fact wrong.

I mean, you always seem off.

He just cannot tell WHAT exactly is wrong.

You’re a strange one after all. (Not in a bad way obviously)

Muzan has asked you a dozen times prior, seeking out answers, at least an explanation for your change in behavior and emotions.

He dislikes change.

But wanna know what he dislikes more? You being upset.

“My dear, could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Of course he never gets anything out of you. You just cast him that alluring yet suspicious fake smile of yours and reassure him that you’re “okay” or “fine” or even “couldn’t be better”

Your response are so.. dishonest.

Honestly, Muzan not knowing what exactly is wrong with you drives him wild. He ALWAYS wants to know what’s wrong, what you’re feeling, how you’re feeling, etc.

And whenever he isn’t aware of what exactly your feeling or is catching on to the suspicions that your lying it does in fact anger him.

Not only does it anger him but it upsets him incredibly. Like, do you not trust him? Are you scared of him because he’s the demon king? If you were secretly terrified of his existence he wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest. That’s how truly humans are after all.

But for you this isn’t the case. You aren’t even scared of him. Just scared of your own thoughts and feelings.

A part of you wishes you could open up but the other part of you is like: eh, fuck it.

Who could blame you for not wanting to open up to the demon king himself though?

You may be his girlfriend, but still, like he would actually bring himself to care.

You see how vicious he is towards other humans. So why would he even bother with your silly yet powerful emotions?

You desired to open up yourself but however that never came so Muzan had no choice but to force it out of you one day.

Toxic, sure. But you were driving him nuts!

Like he snapped when he came home one night to find you rotting in your own filth, an empty stomach, disheveled hair, god, have you been sleeping all day?

He will ask you ONCE again if you wanted to talk.

To which you respond with a sorrowful “no”

Then you for real have the gull to make up excuses saying you’ve fallen ill.

Yeah, right.

That is Muzan’s breaking point.

It startles you when he snaps at you and actually gets mad.

This is his way of caring everybody. 💀

Whenever you’re depressed the feeling of getting yelled at by someone you love can hurt you or make you feel numb on the inside, you know?

I’m this case, it all just caves in and you sorta have an emotional break down in front of him.

Muzan is at a loss for words as you spill out your deepest and darkest feelings.

At least you’re finally opening up.

But damn, bro is shocked. Please give him a minute to adjust to all this.

At first he doesn’t know how to respond, instead, he will respond physically and just let you cry in his embrace as you vent to him and babble “i’m sorry” literally over 1000 times.

Muzan knew humans had depression, he reads a lot and is well aware of what it is. He’s just distraught this his own partner felt this way for so long.

By the way, did i mention he’s going to kill anyone who’s ever wronged you?

But worry not! He is going to be there for you every step of the way even with his low tolerance:)

Kokushibo

In the beginning, Kokushibo has absolutely no clue what’s going on inside your head.

I mean, if you say you’re fine then you’re fine right?

That’s all until your seemingly bad mood increases more and more everyday.

Yeah, that’s when his suspicions SKYROCKET.

Kokushibo has asked you before but gave up on it after many failed attempts.

He still has his mild concerns though so instead he observes you from afar.

He can tell something if off but assumes that just because you’re a human.

Honestly, he had some suspicions here and there that you may or may not be dealing with severe depression.

Guess what? Those thoughts he had were correct.

You immediately assume he doesn’t care and won’t care due to his demonic nature and his expressionless behavior.

Kokushibo began to catch on more and more when you started to refuse to eat dinner, you just refused to get up from bed and even take care of yourself.

FINALLY drops that stoic personality.

Caretaker Kokushibo to the rescue. Is immediately scooping you up, siting you at the table and convincing you to eat.

If you don’t eat he’ll just spoon feed you.

That night he took care of you.

That’s when he found out of your depressed state. No confession needed.

The two of you aren’t the greatest match because of your lacked communication.

No, you two aren’t toxic. Fights don’t even exist between y’all.

You guys just can’t express feelings properly.

But Kokushibo is always waiting for you to further explain how you feel. He’s satisfied that he now is aware of what’s wrong with you but also deeply destroyed on the inside.

You don’t deserve these harsh feelings. Why must the world be so cruel?

From that day onwards, Koku keeps a close eye on you and takes care of you more often.

Sometimes even ditches missions for you.

Yeah, he gets chastised by Muzan for it but he doesn’t care.

As long as you’re safe then he feels content.

By the way he’s killing off ANYONE who made you feel this way.

Douma

very, VERY dense.

Like does not notice anything.

He just presumed that’s how you are.

Now, Douma does feel emotions around you. You’re the only thing that has ever brought him joy.

You make that cold heart of his beat.

He’s very clingy around you, like, SUPER.

Wants to be around you all the time.

Which is why it’s a shocker that he didn’t notice immediately your drastic change in behavior.

Douma only really took notice when you began to distance yourself from everyone.

Even him.

Now he couldn’t care less if you ran away from everyone else but him? Yeah, there is something wrong.

So, he simply asks you if you’re okay.

In which you lie and say you’re doing just fine.

Oh, you are? Okay!!

Is immensely confused when you continue to distance yourself though.

Haha, humans are so silly.

Douma becomes really confused but brushes it off.

It’s all surprising that he can come off so dense when it comes to this. I mean, you’re a demon? come on mannn…

Yeah, he does feel emotions around you but doesn’t fully understand them, you know?

I swear, Douma can be naive around you sometimes despite being the sadistic and masochistic demon he is.

It takes him a long ass time to realize how much you’ve been suffering.

Please do not get angry with him though. Remember that he is new to all this!

So the first emotion he feels once he finds out about your depression is EXTREME guilt.

REAL GUILT.

Flabbergasted by how fucking long it took him to find out the truth.

*Mentally facepalms himself*

His petty little followers don’t count. The man may have spend his last few hundred years listening to peoples woes and worries but his emotional responses towards their feelings were never even genuine.

To be brutally honest, Douma is hopeless.

Yeah, he wants to help you, he really does.

Just has no idea how to:(

However, if you show him how to then he will catch on fairly quickly and become the master when it comes to taking care of you and helping you cope with your depression.

Similar to Kokushibo, Cue caretaker Douma to the rescue‼️‼️

He doesn’t mind taking care of you. Honestly he absolutely adores it.

You’ve always been there for him, you taught him how to feel again. He’s so grateful that he’s finally helping you after all this time.

Lends you extra cuddles and kisses but if you’re the type to want your space when you’re depressed he’ll try his hardest to understand and be there for you emotionally instead! He just wants to be over you all the time and make sure you’re doing well, ya know?

Okay, he may lose his touching privileges but don’t think he isn’t gonna let his guard down!

From there on out, He keeps an eye on you at all times. He needs to make sure your taking care of yourself!

Douma also developed the tendency to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, his advice is surprisingly effective by the way. I mean, his advice towards you is actually genuine so that must be why.

“Oh, Y/N, my lovely lotus, i despise how you carry such a heavy burden. I wish i could take all these negative feelings away from you!”

Akaza

Like Muzan, he isn’t easy to take for a fool.

Notices the very second your behavior changes.

Akaza, being the most amazing boyfriend he is will obviously attempt to strike up a conversation, desperately wanting you to open up and communicate with him properly.

Becomes disappointed when you just brush it off as “not important”

Like what? It IS important!

YOU are MORE than important to him.

Akaza is not blind, he won’t submit nor play dumb towards your responses

Absolutely hates making you uncomfortable and would hate to force you to tell him how you’re feeling but desperate times call for desperate measures.

This is just his way for caring about you.

At first, he will try each and every day to be there for you and try and talk with you.

Sits on the side of your bed as your laying down, curled up, unmoving and will just kiss your forehead and give you time to open up.

Akaza will bug you consistently, fishing a response from you, anything, just anything!!

“Sweetheart, could you tell me what’s going on with you?”

Nothing. Just that same old response he hears every damn time.

“I’m fine”, “Nothing is wrong!”, “It’s okay, i’m doing well, just tired.”

Hatessssss when you lie to him:(

Akaza feels beyond powerless.

Your feelings are very important to him!

Sure, he hates weak people, hates any other human being he encounters but you’re different!

Akaza knows deep down you’re suffering from depression but desires for you to confess it yourself in your own time.

But at the end of the day he had to force it out of you.

Felt insanely guilt but what else could he have done?

Everything else he’s ever done for you got him nowhere due to your own stubborn dds

Akaza is not mad though.

He could never be angry with you for having depression i mean, you can’t help it.

We all know how overwhelmingly overprotective he is so the very moment he finds out a friend of family member caused you to feel this way and shut the world out he is going to throw hands.

Like, how dare they?!

Akaza is another caretaker! Skips important missions for your sake despite him knowing the punishments that come along with it.

Akaza won’t mind taking care of you but he also needs you to learn how to take care of yourself if you want to truly heal so he’ll be there for you every single step of the way in order for you to accomplish that!

Another thing that’ll happen is that Akaza will become more needy and clingy than usual. He must protest his precious girlfriend at all costs.

Kisses you and reminds you how much he loves you.

Fucking HATES it when he’s forced to leave you (when he’s summoned to the infinity castle)

But the very second he’s home he’s relieved.

On those days you’re feeling super depressed to the point where you can’t get up Akaza will cool you breakfast and serve it to you in bed. Will even feed you if he has to then eventually he’ll help you get up and offer you all the motivation and energy you need to make it throughout the day.

Bro is a gentleman.

Literally is always going to be there for you, love you unconditionally.

And most importantly…

Beat the living HELL out of whoever worsened your depression‼️‼️

I hope you enjoyed these headcanons! To all those out there suffering currently i can promise you that it’s going to be okay. You got this! <3

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millerscoffee · 7 months

Text

there's no such thing as good grief

1k | joel miller x reader

rating: G, i guess

warning: grief, parental loss, mentions of sarah and ellie, halloween, porch swinging, hand holding, soft!joel, joel is a guardian angel tbh. no use of y/n

A/N: this is a little self indulgent, i suppose. but i needed to write, i haven't written in, what, a month? and i wanted to oil the wheel. it's probably not the best, i kinda halfway proofread it, but that's okay. who better to navigate grief with than joel "the grief ain't good™️" miller? thanks for being cool about it.

Leaves of trees change colour before they shrivel and descend to the ground.

That’s just how life works.

That’s how it’s supposed to happen. And it was in Jackson.

It surprised you, even still, that in the depths of despair within humanity, traditions were so closely held to the chests of those still alive and willing to stoke its embers.

It’s dusk. The town’s children in makeshift costumes or ones from long ago in tattered material. You think about her, your mother. Halloween was never her particular favourite, but she had a soft spot for a sweet treat. You buried her on this day. Sometimes it’s easier than others. Today it’s hard.

You’re on your porch, and your light is on. The town made different types of toys for the kids of the community, you laid yours out on the porch.

For the most part, you’re okay. It’s been long enough now that your mother’s death wasn’t always the first thing you thought of every year. But it’s in the things that catch you off guard. A child giggling with her mother over a toy that looked silly.

It’s simple. It’s sweet. It makes you nauseous.

You’re swaying in your porch swing, staring off into the distance when you hear the heavy boots of someone familiar. It shows up before his voice.

“Y’alright?”

If you weren’t so numb, you’d be startled. Instead, your eyes shift up to the man who you know well enough by now to come up on your porch without permission.

You could nod. You could pretend you are okay and have him pull it out of you until the truth pours freely from your mouth, but what’s the point? Why hide it? There had been so much of your life that was dappled in pretending to be okay, whether it was self-preservation, or sheer obstinacy to admit it.

You didn’t have it in you.

Instead, you pat the spot next to you with a shrug.

“Been better.”

Joel liked that you were honest. Not that it mattered, not that he was here to praise you for exposing vulnerable parts of yourself to him. At least not like this. It was far removed from his intentions. He knew you had someone in your life that you had to bury, and he understood what that meant.

Grief lain with you both as he took place beside you.

His warmth, overcoming, radiating into your bones.

Swallowing on the knots in your throat, you nudge your knee against his and it’s natural.

You don’t know how it became so fucking natural.

You’d kept your distance from each other for so long. It seemed appropriate. No real reason to encounter each other, but one day you noticed Joel rubbing his chest. A telltale sign that you knew well. After that, you’d become inseparable to some extent, though never quite tiptoeing any major lines. He had your back, and you had his. It felt nice to be around someone so protective. And, god, did he feel that way with you.

As if life itself had been kickstarted into his system from years of feeling like a zombie.

All the same, you didn’t have to explain yourself to him to know what you mean.

“Yeah,” Joel pauses, his heel taking over the rocking motion, back and forth on the seat you share. “Hard for me, too. Y’need anything?”

Your chin turns to gaze at him. It was hard for him, too. You imagined how difficult it was to see children with their dad. At least he had Ellie, but even she needed her space from all this.

You focus on his side profile, the scar that remains as a reminder to the life he had before this horrible reality.

Then again, the horrible reality happened when he held Sarah’s dying body in his arms.

It sends a chill through you, your fingers instinctively running into the bear paw that was his hand. Rough and calloused, yet so open and willing to take yours.

Dichotomous.

As some sort of clairvoyant, he welcomes you, knowing the conversation could be said without words.

“Nuh uh.”

Just this, you want to say.

The gravel catches your throat now, but tears don’t tempt as readily as they used to. Call it being hardened, call it time. Grief wasn’t linear, but this year had a particular sting.

That’s about the time a child and her mother come up to trick or treat for one of the toys you’ve made. And although a smile appears on your face, Joel can see the sadness at the corners of your eyes. He waits to speak until they leave.

“Opposite ends of the same coin, I guess.”

You puff out an unamused laugh, gaze cast at your lap.

“Something like that,” chewing the corner of your cheek, he squeezes your fingers when you look up at him. “It doesn’t get easier, does it?”

Joel stops the porch swing, his eyes soft but dark – as if he’s going over what he’s had to replay in his head for so many years.

“What do you think?” He echoes quietly, enough to cause you to turn and face him.

“I think… I’m glad you stopped by. I think it’s very thoughtful of you to check on me.”

“Alright, she’s gone soft,” a small smile piles at the corner of his face, and you mirror it. Hard not to. A tear falls at both of your ability to find a crack of light.

“Don’t get used to it.”

Joel exhales in amusement, rocking the two of you again. Eyes close for a minute against the crisp air of autumn.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

It’s quiet for a while after that. Your head rests on his shoulder. His scent brings you comfort. You don’t hardly realise all the kids and their parents as they make it home.

“...Joel?”

“You’d do the same for me.”

“Will you let me thank you?”

Joel turns his head, burying his nose in your hair.

“This is enough,” squeezing your fingers, he presses a tentative kiss to your temple. One without a scar, but a temple with trouble behind it, nonetheless. “It’s more than enough.”

How could you argue with that?

taglist, comment to be added: @cool-iguana @livingdeadmaria @sinfulrock @jasminedragoon @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @nobodycanseeinsidemysoul @scarletthefierce @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @poodlebae @its-nebuleuse @harrieandharassed @msmorningstaarr

#joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #soft!joel #soft!joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x afab!reader #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #joel tlou #tlou #the last of us hbo #joel the last of us #joel miller #pedro pascal #by bee

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fleetingvow · 1 year

Text

‘ DEAD WEIGHT .

Anthony Lockwood x Female Reader

SYNOPSIS. the reader’s skills got rusty and with anthony breathing down her neck all the time, well, things that were better off unsaid were spoken. that’s when four became three. ( 6.87k words )

CATEGORY. angst. slight enemies to lovers ( not completely lovers because i write and stick to slowburn. )

WARNINGS. anthony being a total dickwad. usage of profanities. off the timeline. netflix series based. usage of “y/n”. lots of parallelism in statement structures.

NOTE. characters are aged up. written in third person’s omniscient point of view. room add-up for plot purposes.

REMINDER. this fic is written and copyrighted by ©fleetingvow on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other platforms without my permission.

TAGS. @superpositvecloudshipper

𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗪𝗔𝗦 shrouded in a misty veil. The room had turned bleary as soon as she stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in her bathrobes. She closed her eyes and opened them again in a desperate attempt to regain her composure. When her feet led her to her room, she felt the pull stronger than what she had been feeling when she was washing up. Y/N gripped the doorknob and opened the door with a groan, and then there was a voice. A mere whisper to her ears.

“Help me!” She turned around, only to see no one but the pen she picked up from a previous home many months ago, mistaking it for the one Lockwood handed. It was surely just her imagination. They already contained the source from the previous mission, destroyed it even. George had done his research and there was only one soul that haunted the home. She was sure no other soul was left behind. Besides, Y/N made sure to set up a schedule to return the object to its rightful place.

However, just now . . . she felt as though it wasn’t just her presence that graced the room. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. There was no one, nothing. Why was it getting harder to breathe? The ringing, they were back again, but this time, it was higher in pitch and volume. She put both palms on her ears in order to block the noises, but it was too loud!

That was until she heard the knock on the door followed by the voice of someone more human, natural in his voice, “Prepare quickly, Y/N. We’re moving swiftly tonight, we have two missions!”

She didn’t respond. It didn’t seem like it mattered when his footsteps were already fading. The girl slowly ran her fingers through her damp hair, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. It was just her imagination — that ringing. But there was a protruding thought that maybe, there was something wrong with her, and she couldn’t place whatever it was.

Although, there was something far more important than that. She needed to be present for this other case. Y/N had been lacking for the past few days, and she was under the pressure of redeeming herself to prove something to Lockwood.

And she was going to prove it well.

THAT HURT! God, it hurt so much! There was no other thing in her mind than how much it felt, causing electric shock through her body, wanting to rip her ears out to just. get it. to stop!

“Fuck!” Y/N exclaimed, losing her grip on her rapier therefore also failing to protect Lucy from the ghost that hovered before them. The clang of the blade on the floor only triggered a louder sound in her ears, putting her mind into shambles as she scrambled to the floor to regain possession of her weapon.

Before she could, however, Lockwood had already slain the ghost himself, buying them more time to pull themselves together. “Lucy!” Lockwood hurriedly rushed to her aid as she panted, refusing the help Anthony was offering.

“Y/N?” Lucy called, her voice combined with worry over the girl’s well-being. “Are you okay?”

It didn’t look like she was, but it was certainly better than before. The ringing had stopped, and what was left was an overcoming fear of when it will occur again. Her forehead was covere din beads of sweat, her mouth gasping for air, and clammy hands clutching the handle of her sword.

She had, in fact, once again failed to redeem herself. And what had she done? Make a complete fool out of herself to Lockwood who only looked at her with disappointment painted oh-so-vibrantly all over his face.

“I covered the source with the net!” George excitedly announced as he made his way into the bedroom where everyone was. It had been a rare occurence before that Lockwood allowed George to do this type of work, but since he’s proven himself to be the hero in most scenarios, he trusted him.

Y/N glanced up at George. She wasn’t mad at him. As a matter of fact, she was grateful for him, not just for containing the source, but also putting an end to the tension in the room. “Are you guys okay?” he proceeded to question.

She stood up from the floor and lowered her head before mumbling, “We’re fine.” She then walked past him swiftly and out of the room with shame as her feet led her to the gardens of the home.

“She’s definitely not fine,” George breathed out. Both of his companions looked at him in a questioning manner. He shrugged, “She’s been acting odd for the past few weeks - months, even. Am I the only one who noticed?”

“You’re always the one to notice something, George.” Lucy commented with a smile. Anthony did not appreciate the conversation, no matter how little. He’d much rather they didn’t talk at all.

“Stay here. I’ll talk to her,” Lockwood ordered. George and Lucy nodded followed by exchanged glances with subtle wide eyes. They knew it was not a good idea Lockwood would follow her, but what could be done? They just hoped he wouldn’t make an arrogant fool of himself again.

“WHAT WAS that?” Y/N’s ears suddenly perked up from the voice. She plastered a sarcastic smile as she replied, “You found me, then.”

“This is no time for foolish remarks, Y/N. What was that all about? You had it. Lucy could have been hurt! You could have gotten hurt! Do you realise what you’ve just done?” Anthony exclaimed. The leaves crunched from under his feet as he marched his way forward to the girl.

“You’re saying that as if I’ve done it intentionally. Is that what you think I do? Sabotage the team?”

“I’m not saying that,” he frustratedly protested, facepalming before placing his hands on his hips, his coat pushed back. “What I’m saying is for you to pull yourself together. Where are you, really? This, this state of yours is going to get us all killed!”

“Lucy’s fine! I’m fine!”

“You both wouldn’t be if I hadn’t stepped in and you had made an absolute mockery of yourself in the situation! You were flailing! Can I even trust you with simple tasks?”

“You call fighting off a type two, simple?” She fired back, trying her best to hold back her anger when she knew she had fucked up.

“We’ve done it before! We’ve dealt with harder cases. What’s going so wrong now?”

“Of course you’d say that! Everything’s easy for you, right?” Lockwood was taken aback by her words, yet instead of processing her words and taking it as a reminder of his past conflicts, he took offence of it, triggering his sense of authority and anger. “If it’s so easy, why don’t you just work with yourself? If you’re so obsessed with perfection, why don’t you eliminate mistakes and put down the team? Because that’s you, right? You’re the one who’s always so bloody perfect at everything!”

His eyebrow twitched as he blinked at her, his face getting softer, yet still inconsiderate as he lifted his head to the side and clenched his jaw. Anthony momentarily fixed his gaze on the floor before placing it back to her. His voice had become monotonous. Cold.

“If you hate me so much, why don’t you just leave the team?”

There was a moment of silence. If the rapier didn’t pierce her heart before, it definitely has now, but it wasn’t the steel sword that did its damage. It was those exact words he had uttered so confidently in her face. There was no hint of regret there when she searched his eyes. There was absolute nothingness.

Suddenly, the coldness of the wind got into her eyes — did it really? Or was she just finding an excuse to mask the reason behind her slightly blurry eyes. Y/N blinked and swallowed her spit in order to remove the lump in her throat. It was useless. She nodded slightly, her face stiff as she tried to muster up her thoughts to create a better expression.

But there was no better reaction.

“What?” she asked for confirmation. Lockwood slightly shifted in his position, standing upright. He looked at her eyes and down to her shoes slightly, taking the sight of the disappointed girl. He swallowed his spit, licking his lips.

“You heard me.”

“So, that’s it then?” she mumbled, trying her best to disguise the betrayal in her voice.

“That’s it.” Anthony replied in a stern tone, not leaving her eyes. “Don’t be so surprised now, Y/N. If it helps you feel any better, maybe you could still start somewhere — just not here.”

“You’re a fucking dickwad, do you know that?!” She yelled.

“I’m doing this for the team.”

“Like shit you are!” She exasperatedly gesticulated her hands in the open air and continued, “You think George and Lucy would fucking applaud you after they find out? I thought we were family! What now? I fuck up, and suddenly I’m gone for good?”

“You could just say n—”

“No, because that’s not it, isn’t it?” She bitterly interjected and combed her fingers through her hair irately. “You’ve hated me from the start! You ignore me every chance you get, but when you’re not, you berate me! You look at me as if I’m about to fail, and you undermine me every single time!”

“I don’t undermine you. I look at you, and I see transitions of how things start and how things end,” he started, chest heaving up and down from his bottled feelings of anguish and rage, not to her but to himself. “I don’t know what it is about you that makes me doubt whatever it is I doubt. You were good at what you do, but you’ve been lost for the past few months. We don’t have a hold of you now, and you’re not telling us anything. To be completely blunt and forward, Y/N: Whenever you’re present in a case, something goes wrong.”

Even to herself, she could admit that he had a point. Every mission that she had with her friends, everything ends up a little bit too complicated than it should. She did feel like she was the cause for the performance of the agency lately. That information itself made her heart sink at the bottom of the pit, pushing her to another depth as he spoke once again.

“You’re a dead weight.”

That statement felt a little hypnotic that it proceeded to ring in her head. Now that was it, why did she feel defeated now? She felt as if he just called her useless. Huh, maybe that’s what she was. Completely and utterly useless for the best agency London has ever seen. She was the dead weight in their group, the failure.

“I just haven’t been myself. I—” Then, there was a silver streak of water that cascaded down her face. She cleared her throat and looked away, wiping the tear with the back of her hand as she sniffled and blinked away the glinting waterfall threatening to spill. “I’m sorry.”

Anthony’s chest felt different with that statement. His eyes that showed no remorse softened at this current sight of her, but there was something at that moment that told him to resist it. He had to stand firm, and he knew to himself he’d do just about anything for the sake of the team, even if it had to be removing Y/N from it.

The thought of questioning whether this decision was right began to rebuke him.

“Y/N, I’m only doing this for the best of everyone’s well-being.”

“You already said that,” she replied and took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with him. Then, she shrugged her shoulders and laughed to herself in bitter humour. She unsheathed the rapier from her side and took a few steps forward to the boy who gave her a puzzled look.

She took his hand and offered the handle of her blade, closing his palm with hers. Y/N forced a smile on her lips, looking up to meet his eyes. They were close.

Just. This. Close.

Y/N had seen his eyes numerous times before, but under whatever spell, she never got tired of it even despite the sharp daggers it threw at her. Her heart shattered once more, this soft gaze she’d sometimes thought was an illusion made the broken shards leap hopelessly that it left her dizzy for another minute or so.

The wind in the garden gently whispered.

Anthony felt this feeling before, but he dismissed it just like he’d always done. It was something that he believed to be unworthy of his attention. If he looked the other way, what of the path that he worked so hard for?

“Y/N, I—”

“I’ll be gone by morning. Don’t tell the others . . . for me please, would you, Lockwood?” She whispered. Goddamn it, she was going to go! Anthony couldn’t do anything. His body and soul were both locked in the position of looking at her, paralysed as he tried his best to catch his breath. His eyes quickly paid a glance to her lips before switching back to her eyes.

He hummed in response.

There was a palpable tension in such an open space. The girl decided to have had enough of it, leisurely stepped away without breaking eye contact, and walked off with his head turned to watch her figure fade away with the distance.

SHE SAID SHE’D be gone by morning. It was 3 AM, and he wasn’t sure what morning she was referring to, but surely she’d use more time for rest and packing her things. It wouldn’t be so early. He paced back and forth, almost creating a six feet deep grave of his own in front of her door, his hands secured in his pockets. His furrowed eyebrows almost reached each other to knit a whole line on his face, but he soon stopped with a sharp exhale.

Anthony realised how wrong he might have been. The fact that both Lucy and George don't know anything made him feel even more guilty knowing damn well they would have his head and ego once they learn of what he did. Not only that, he felt incessantly bad for being cruel with his choice of words without consideration to what Y/N’s explanation could offer. To be completely honest, he wasn’t even thinking straight! He had no clue where the idea of eliminating her from the team came from.

His mind hadn't been at peace nor was it sober in his library when they got back home. Y/N shut herself in her room after an awkward dinner in which they both pretended everything went well. Lucy and George, bless their poor naive innocent souls, seemed to buy it with Lucy feeling a little bit hesitant.

It was 3 AM, and he was at her door.

At her door.

His hand slightly lifted to knock her door, but it stopped mid-air. Lockwood sighed, pulling his hand back in his pocket with a shake of the head. He’d been horrible, and disturbing Y/N’s peace no matter how fleeting, would be more displeasing.

Anthony’s footsteps faded with Y/N listening intently behind the door, wiping her silent tears. He was outside her door for half an hour during her moment where she wrote her letters individually to the members of the team. She didn’t want to open the door, but her desire to speak to him drove her to a decision that if he knocked, she would let him in. If he asked that she returned, she would.

But alas, he didn’t do any of those, leaving her to conclude that his decision was final, and his words were deeply meant and intended. It was her fault, after all.

And maybe the agency would be better off without a dead weight.

WHEN MORNING CAME, Anthony was jolted awake when George shook him back to consciousness in the library lit with the sunshine pouring through the window. As soon as he fluttered his eyes open and saw the light with George’s frantic silhouette, it had been a clear indication that he was too late.

“Y/N’s gone!”

There was an unpleasant sensation in his stomach, bad butterflies taking control over his system. He quickly sat up and ignored the pounding headache he gained overnight. Anthony turned to George, “Since when?”

“I don’t know. Lucy called her for breakfast but she didn’t answer. She never didn’t answer! So we went up there to check, but all her things were gone.”

He got to his feet and went straight to Y/N’s provided room where all traces of her existence were never found, except for the envelopes clutched in Lucy’s trembling hands. Her face wasn’t warm and welcoming at all as she furiously questioned, “What did you do?!”

“She’s left the agency!” Lucy exclaimed.

“Why?” George asked in response.

“Ask Lockwood. Apparently, he’s the one who talked to her last night after the mission.”

“What are those?” Karim gestured towards the envelopes Lucy had. She raised the letters with their names engraved in jet black ink.

“See for yourself,” she answered and shoved each of the letters to the designated receivers. The girl then furiously marched out of the room, leaving behind both George and Anthony to themselves. Karim opened the correspondence and trailed his eyes along the letters scribbled on the tear stained paper, his face growing bitter word for word as he finished.

The boy turned to his companion, “You’re unbelievable.”

Lockwood wore the same frown he wore in front of her door a couple of hours ago. George left him in the room to self-reflect between the four walls of nothingness but the lingering memories of who used to occupy it.

He looked at the letter, opening it as he scanned the wirds carefully written yet stained with tears that dried on the ink that spread on the fibres of the paper.

“Anthony,

I didn’t tell them, if that’s what you’re worried about, but I’m not sure if my explanations will suffice. I know Lucy and George are smarter than you give them credit for. Whatever happens, I want you to continue the agency with them. They’re your only family left.

I loved the memories with you and the others and I will continue to treasure them until it’s my prized possession that you will have to seek one day. I hated you for a while, and maybe I hate you now, but there’s nothing but the truth that you make a great leader, and I hope your passion will lead them to the path they want, and their loyalty will not banish even after eternity.

For a while, Lockwood, your home had been my home. Our home, but after tonight, it seems as though you gave the key to the wrong person. I hope you will find a better one worthy of the team.

Do not look for me. I will find a good place to find myself and start again and recover. And once I recover, I swear to George and Lucy, I will write. Take care of them.

I’m sorry,

Y/N.”

He wanted to crumple that letter, but that’s all he had of her. Each passing second that he stared at the empty room made him feel guiltier and guiltier. The blood in his veins rushed as he turned crimson with rage. Anthony had never been one to lose composure of himself, especially when he was angry, but it was different this time.

He knew to himself that he blew it. He had fucked up and now he was not the only one that was paying. Because of his arrogance, the house lacked Y/N’s annoying laughter, her awkward morning small talks and idle chatter, the familiar creaks on the wooden stairs because of how loud her feet become when she’s excited for a new case.

Her seat remained empty, devoid of the girl's presence. Her favourite cup had been set before the chair without any mark or stain of the hues she usually wore on her lips. The smell of coffee George brewed earlier for her wafted in a room, serving as an object to rub it in their nose of the bitter tension she’d left behind in that very room.

Lockwood cleared his throat, “Our next mission, er.”

Lucy’s scoff caught his eye, “Give us a break, Lockwood.” She put her mug down, her eyes piercing through his, speaking, “When will you ever learn to not only care about yourself?”

“Lucy, not now.”

“Yes, now.” George intervened. “No one knows why Y/N left, except you. Her family wouldn’t want her back even if she writes that on her Christmas list. You know it to yourself too, that’s a dumb excuse.”

“She left the agency because she made her choice,” Anthony monotonously replied, and quickly regretted it as he sighed and spoke again in a much gentler, more emotion-filled voice, “It was the best for us all.”

“Did she make that choice, or did you? No wonder she left.” Lucy mumbled as she was not having any of it. She slammed her feet on the floor and stood up to leave the kitchen with George leisurely following behind.

Y/N TOOK IN THE rotten interior of the home. Everything was mouldy and abandoned. It was an odd thing, for sure. The house was supposed to be sold months ago! Why was it deprived of human presence? Something was not right, especially with that voice slowly creeping in her ears again.

She wasn’t alone in that place.

“Help me,” she heard. There was a guess there. A guess she’d been doubting for weeks but knew to be believed by her subconsciousness. The girl grabbed the pen from her pocket and sighed, closing her eyes to allow itself to commune with her.

“What do you want me to do?” She questioned.

It was a bad idea, but it was daylight. The power of this type of entity, whatever it is, should be weak by now. Y/N felt herself being pulled in a deep void, forcing all her energy to go down with the force. It was her mind that felt lightweight and then her body with static. All sounds from her surroundings started to become collectively like the sound of electric waves until it was an absolute nothingness.

Just then, an ornate box appeared among the fog, its gold embellishments covered in crimson hues, dripping on the now visible desk. The event happened so fast, and what was once a flurry of foggy mess was now a warm room lit with glinting candle lights from above the ceiling before it turned into a ghost of the olden times. The doors were being pounded from the other side, followed by voices who furiously shouted a name.The girl looked around to see a cadaver on the floor, severely tortured and bloodied. Then, she looked at herself, taking note of how her hands were covered in the same liquid as on the floor.

“What happened here?” she whispered to herself in a frantic tremble.

“Give us the box!”

She looked at the object now in her hands. Every inch of her appearance had changed into someone else, feeling their sense of determination to hide and clutch the treasure in her possession. She turned frantically to look for a way out, but just as she was about to run for it, the door burst open and there came three men, one with a pen in his hand.

“You’ve signed the agreement my father’s given you!” She didn’t know why or how, but it must have been the ghost that kept haunting her that said it.

“Will it matter any longer?”

Just as she screamed, the world had turned into a fading vision. Y/N woke up with a gasp, finding herself on the floor with the piles of stones and rubbles, debris from the structure of what once was a home of an aristocrat. There it was again, that ringing. The girl groaned from the consistent hearing disturbance.

She stood up, only to find herself in an entirely different room. Her eyes made a quick scan of the structure. That was when she found an unusual glint inside the crack on the floor. “So that’s why.”

The death glows would have been seen by Lockwood before, but he didn’t, only because the home had been renovated long before it got destroyed again. The floor had been covered by another layer of floor.

Then, a glint caught her eye, the moonshine had reflected its light where she saw the intricate box. Quickly, she crawled over to it and pulled it out of the crack with force. The box was the same as before, only old and rusty. The surface was covered in dust and old traces of blood.

The ringing stopped, replaced by a series of the hushed voices of a woman. Y/N flailed side by side, falling on her knees as she crawled to grab ahold of the intricate box covered in dust and other filthy muck. “What is this for? What should I do?”

That’s when she realised the sun had finally set and she was in deeper trouble than she was. A glowing light appeared behind the door frame as it continued to hide. Her breath hitched, grabbing ahold of the rapier she managed to steal from Anthony’s library.

“I will help you! You’ve tormented me enough,” she mumbled, holding the rapier up as a barricade between her and the ghost.

The ghost let out a deafening shriek as it frowned at her, hovering through the air before her eyes.

“I promise!” Y/N exclaimed. “Just let me help you!”

However, it was not easy making deals with a dead-undead visitor made up of ectoplasm and substantial despair and anger toward the living. The ghost charged forward, making her lucky enough to move out of the way. She yielded the sword, and the luck of the draw struck again when she managed to hit the visitor with her iron blade, buying her more time.

The girl opened the box, revealing a pile of papers and an old silver pocket watch eaten away by old age and exposure to oxygen and insects that created their own home within the chest. The cobwebs were occupied by several tiny eight-legged creatures causing her to cringe as she dropped the box and shook the spiders off.

Upon the contact of the crate with the floor, a glowing spot appeared.

She looked at the ghost of the woman that haunted her. It stopped mid-air for a while before continuing with her new entertainment of tormenting the girl more. Y/N’s eyes widened at a sudden realisation.

That was it!

For the first time in a long time, she finally felt like she wasn’t being an absolutely bloody idiot. “I have to destroy it, don’t I? For you to find your peace, is that it?”

That was when she frowned and muttered under her breath, “But that’s not your source.”

Then, her ego was kicked off the curb with her guts. A hand reached out from the glowing spot on the floor. “That’s someone else’s source!” She raised her rapier and quickly wielded it to hit the box, preventing the ghost from coming out of it.

The first visitor shrieked again and charged forward as Y/N fumbled on the floor, miserably looking for the pen. Her breathing was audibly fast, waving her sword desperately through the air to ward off the ghost that had been restless in chasing after her.

She scanned the cracks, there was nothing. Then, under the desk, nothing. That’s when she noticed the object she sought right next to an empty cobwebbed shelf on the floor next to a book.

Y/N removed her sword out of the way, darting towards the pen to grab ahold of it, quickly swerving to get rid of the visitor. After that, she hit the box again and once the glow disappeared, her fingers found themselves holding onto the chest for dear life. She put the smaller object in it, and placed it between her side and arm, her other lifting the rapier up.

Dumb! Literally dumb!

Her foot got caught in a lifted crack on the floor, causing her to plant herself on the floor. A groan emitted from her lips as she tried to ease the pain on her chest. Upon realisation, she swiftly turned and held her sword up, fighting the phantom.

“My ears hurt from your constant shrieking!” she yelled.

Due to the movement of her arms, the box had slightly drifted away from her clutch as she busied herself warding away her enemy. “I even wonder why it isn’t Lockwood that you could have bothered! You would have been at peace by now, but no. You chose the weakest link! I’m practically useless, and I might possibly be losing my talent! Now you’re the one who’s mad? I didn’t choose me! You’re the one who screwed up!”

Maybe she was the mad one, in different terms. She was talking to a ghost, for Chrysler’s sake! Even worse, having a verbal feud with it!

If only Lockwood could see her now.

That was until the ghost disappeared after a swift, almost invisible lightning speed strike. She gasped for air and turned around to see what the cause of it was, but no. What’s better is to destroy the sources and get peace once and for all. She sat up and crawled over to the object, grabbing a nearby rock and destroying it for good. The pained wailing finally died down as she loudly caught her breath, exhaustedly falling on her back with her sword clattering on the ground.

“L/N!”

That voice. That god-awful voice. She closed her eyes shut, unable to open them for a second due to her strong will to rest and recover. Look, now she was even hallucinating Lockwood calling her by her last name. It was impossible that he was there, and even if he was — she laughed slightly. He couldn’t be. If he was, she would tear the world apart just to get away from him. She wanted to be millions of miles away from him, avoiding his gaze, getting rid of his smell, and that stupid voice with that arrogant tone of his. He had crushed her dreams and hope like it was nothing, even with just a brief conversation, everything that she clung to in that agency faded in one statement that she wished she never heard from him.

But good riddance, right? At least now she knew it was the wrong agency for her. She wasn’t cut out for this kind of work.

“L/N.”

“Can voices just stop — ” she angrily mumbled, almost in a slur of words, “ — pestering me all the time? Can I just have peace for once? Is that too much to ask for?”

“If they stopped now, you wouldn’t hear what I have to say now, would you?” Now that was it. The girl’s peace had been completely shattered once and for all with that single question built in a rhetorical structure. Her eyebrows now knitted together — an exaggeration, but they almost did. Just a little smidge and they’d be meeting. It couldn’t possibly be him, could it? Her heart fluttered both bitterly and in a way that she hoped that there was hope, but knowing Anthony, he was only here as a figment of her hostile imagination. He wasn’t truly here. That would be asking for too much — only she didn’t ask anything to send him here.

“I’m sleep-deprived,” she muttered under her breath.

It took Lockwood his whole body and soul to stop himself from smiling. He thought he wouldn’t see her here, that she would be off somewhere else, and not the usual destination she would go to whenever she was upset.

A hallucination: that’s what he was to her as of this moment. She still had her eyes closed, refusing to open her eyes, and what was worse was the constant question whether she refused to see the disappointment of a world with Lockwood there or the opposite.

Then, that’s when she felt a gentle contact at the back of her neck, slowly lifting her from the ground. Panic covered her bones and took over the nerves to her brain as she mentally screamed repetitively.

She quickly opened her eyes to see him kneeling just before her, holding her as if she was a fragile glass compared to all that he's seen in his entire life in his basement.

He was there.

He was real.

He was touching her.

And he was — "Your hands are cold."

"I don't care, L/N."

There was something different. All the passionate hatred she had for him was slowly starting to well up in her chest, but being swallowed by a big flurry of adrenaline that made her blood flush in her veins faster.

It was his gaze. They'd changed into something atypical. Too . . . soft, and upon realisation, the double volume of her disdain started knocking her off again.

"No," she mumbled and quickly sat up, pushing him away from her as she scrambled to get her rapier and stand up. "You can't just come here and play the hero, and look at me like that! No!"

Confusion changed his expression, "I just helped you."

"Why do you do this to me?" Her voice has all but given up standing sturdy. She trembled both in excessive fatigue and strong emotions. "You can't just — just look at me like that after you made me feel like shit! And then what? You pity me, and you say sorry and things will go back to being shit again and the cycle continues? What do you think I am?"

"I—"

"You what? You're sorry? Why did you come here? To tell me worse things, that I'm hopeless or that maybe you're so noble that you just felt the need to help me get started with my life?"

Lockwood understood every bit of what she was saying. Her absence in that home has made him realise just how much of a cowardly bastard he was. How undeniably much of an asshole he had been to her and how much hell he'd pay. Her wrath was just the start of it.

But his understanding was growing weary. He knew in a way that Y/N had her wrongs too, "You never told us about the voices."

She halted. She really didn't have any other reason than she didn't want to appear weak and bother anyone. Besides, she doubted the existence of the voice. But there was no excuse.

"I wanted to figure things out on my own," she stated before turning to leave. Before she did though, he spoke.

"I look at you," he started as she stopped and slightly turned to her side but not completely enough to meet his eyes, "like this, not because I pity you, Y/N."

That was her name. Her first name.

"I look at you because I've been. Whenever you were unaware that I was looking. I've always seen you from the start, hence why when I said you reminded me of how things begin and end, it was because you were the first person to make me get up from my bed and the only person I want to see when the day ends. When I'm tired and weary." He then averted his gaze to the ground, "I looked at you like that earlier because I couldn't bear to look at anything else or see you in another state."

"I regret everything that I said, and I wanted you to know how hard it's been to look at your door and think that in the next few days, someone else or no one will occupy that room knowing that there were traces of you — any traces, just anything but physical. It's been torture, not just for me, but for both Lucy and George. So, I thought maybe you'd gone to the place you've been going to peculiarly for the past few months," he continued.

Indeed, he knew her, watched her, examined her.

Possibly even admired her. From afar. But he looked the other way, believed the other way because how could he afford that? How could he afford these feelings knowing he had nothing? He had himself, but he did not have anything stable that he could give her. Will that make her happy? Not at all.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out. "I know it's not enough, but I'm willing to prove to you how sorry I am. Just — I want you to know that I never intended things to be so bad and out of control, and I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but this isn't an excuse. I just want you to know that I regret everything."

"You are not a dead weight, Y/N. If anything, you're a breath of fresh air, and you make things easier every time one of us feels down. You make the mornings lighter, the end of every exhausting day a moment of opportunity to think about how thrilling life can be. You make the next days, weeks, months, and years something to look forward to. When you left, thinking about those future moments without you with us, it feels empty and terrible. A few hours without you had turned us into malfunctioning lunatics. We're in shambles — I'm in shambles. What more with days? The truth is, it's not you that's the problem. I keep causing you pain, and I'm trying to be better, because I want to be better for you. When the time comes that I do, I will try to be the best. You deserve that. It will take time, and that is why I'll understand if you don't want to return to the agency with me."

Come to think of it, as she observed his state, his Lockwood hair wasn't in its best today. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot. His always tidy flat clothes were wrinkly and his tie was out of place. He looked like he'd been through hell, and his next elaboration explained why.

"Thinking about you every now and then, especially now, I've always shifted in my seat, trying to decipher just how you affect me this much. When I found the possibility of how, I felt the sense to hide it. Every smile that you caused, I hid it all, because secretly I love bickering with you every chance we get, because I get to see the thrill in your eyes and the fire that you hide. I thought that maybe if I hated you, I would selfishly gain more feelings and learn to embrace the things I might possibly find distasteful if my feelings started the other way. And I did, I managed to admire everything you hated about yourself. You've made me feel things strong enough that whenever I run away, I still end up going back to you."

"Lockwood," she finally spoke and swivelled to face him completely. "Anthony."

"Yes?" He eagerly lifted his head to wait for her response.

She chuckled, "I thought you were about to recite Mr. Knightley when he was confessing to Emma."

That's when he laughed and nodded, accepting the fact that maybe he said too much that all she could reply was Jane Austen’s Emma joke, "Well, I have been told that I have a knack for paraphrasing."

"Do you mean all that?"

"The bickering part, most especially."

"Do you want us to bicker now?"

"I think we're already starting," he commented, which made them snicker.

"I'm sorry," she stated. Lockwood thought that was her way of telling him that it was too late. His heart was pierced by a shard of mirror which he failed to use earlier for self-reflection. That was when she smiled, "I just don't know what to say."

"You can start by accepting our job offer. We, er, have an open position looking for someone with a talent like yours," Anthony cheekily replied with a playful smile. "Our agency is one of the most prestigious agencies in London, and we ensure the safety and warm welcome — new addition, of our team, old and new. Do you accept, Y/N L/N?"

“Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? I think I’m losing my talent.”

“And you still managed to beat a type two with a frenemy in one night with a rapier, a pen, and a box?”

"You're a bloody idiot." She defeatedly let out a breath of joy and relief.

"I'm taking that as a yes. Come on, if you say yes, we'll bicker nonstop and you’ll get endless coffee privileges."

"You're a bloody idiot." She defeatedly let out a breath of joy and relief.

“Just so we could hate each other again, and be able to speak about our fondness more.” offered his hand for her to take. She leisurely took it, trying to ignore the warmth her hand provided to his cold one. He was holding her. Touching her, when a few hours ago, he couldn’t even as much as lay a finger on her.

And when they got back home, the block had been covered with missing posters of Y/N, with additional apology notes and “Lockwood sucks!” extras. That was true.

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