#i was supposed to get my period 16 FUCKING DAYS AGO

[da-proti-toku-grem]

not feeling very juhuhu hahaha today :(

#i think my body hates me or something #i was supposed to get my period 16 FUCKING DAYS AGO #but i didn't get it until this morning #and it hurts so fucking bad i want to throw myself off the window #i was supposed to study because i have the last part of my exam tomorrow but i can't even move from the sofa without wanting to cry #so i'm here laying down scrolling through my camera roll looking at pics of JO (don't judge me) #at least they make me smile even if i still feel like shit #maca speaks #vent post #← i guess?

[florasletter]

i am gonna rant, tomorrow is the oscars, i need to say something ive been wanting to say for a while

any fucking filmmaker that makes drama/comedy (taika, gunn, greta, etc) movies would make barbie, its easy marketing, hoards of money, its a low risk investiment since its a popular, PG 13 movie, colorfull, appealing for everyone, has all the IP to make money, WB is thirsty for good press and is swimming on money, they will give its full support, its a story everyone knows for 60 years of a ficctional character or a doll the whole world knows. i like barbie it was a good movie. greta did a wonderful job for what was giver her. period.

now tell me

a book about a historical controversial figure, boring ass talks abt nuclear war, ww2, communism and cold war, phsysics stuff, relased in 2006 and won a pulitzer prize.

no director dared to make a movie abt it. very high risk, why?

the pandemic and its inflation and new habits of consumption post super hero (very saturated) cinema era in an era quick shitty streaming movies bc they dont need theatrical release, little effort, just pump movies out, no control wheater is good or not no one (as many would think) would want a 3 hour movie, with heavy dialogue (bc it needs it to tell the story properly) with many black and white scenes, Rated R, nudity and s3xual representation scenes about this historical controversial figure. tiktok and reels era, most people are obssessed with a 30 seconds videos in their hands, keeping a very bad habit of zero attention span and quick serotonin, unable to enjoy the development of a full story that is longer than 30 without a pop music playing on the background can't go around marketing the movie like its super fun and colorfull for the entire family ahah cool, lets make it a competition like ahaha BARBIEMHEIMER ahah so fun lol why dont they get into it too? it would help their marketing bc lol who wanna watcha 3 hour R rated movie abt a physicist lmao get real!!! No buddy, you wanna scrutinize what happened the people of japan? this guy was scrutinized by its own country after everything he was asked to do? no, you cant market it like that, its harder, but thankfully the ppl making the movie ARE THE MARKETING. also the ppl saying "who cares abt nuclear war lmao, it wont happen" guess who just did a speech abt it the other day abt using them?? i am not gonna say his name yall know who it is. now invest 100mi on a movie like this. didnt see all the others directors around rushing to make a movie abt oppenheimer like chris did, he thought it was very interesting and passionate abt it, he had a vision for it, to contextualize yall: he has been wanting to make something biographical for years (will we ever see his howard hugues movie? thanks martin for doing it first??? will chris ever recover from this? poor bby). and ffs this movie didnt even use that much computer VFX, so much amazing pratical effects it didnt even an oscar nom for it, any other director could have done with the computer technology from 10 years ago. buddy literally asked for black and white imax films, no one did this before. buddy dark knight came out 16 years ago, the first movie shot in imax, back then there was 4 or 3 cameras in the world and this idiot i love even managed to break one of them during the shooting (see the behind the scenes of dark knight its amazing and hilarious). what other filmmaker is going this far for a biography? they could have made this movie but

they didnt make it. period.

i am not here to say that this is better than every other movie, oppenheimer should be forever praised (it is not in my sincere opinion chris' best movie, neither my fav of his) but this is for the ppl whining abt barbie and putting oppenheimer against it.

the reels i saw the other day "greta could make oppeneimer, but nolan couldnt make barbie" HONEY... WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFO? IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ME HER LOOK GOOD ? you are not helping her at all... if she can make oppenheimer why didnt she make it before? is it bc it would be hard to pitch? it wouldnt be easy to make money from it or get funded? it would just be another oscar winning box office flop? bc lets be real, many amazing oscar movies i love, they were commercial flops, and its ok, BUT YOU SEE IT RIGHT?

marvels endgame was a huge commercial movie and a great box office, no one here is screaming the russos to get noms

"ah its a groundbreaking movie bc of feminism"

honey please there's more groundbreaking movies better than barbie, are you fucking kidding me. this is the stuff that makes me ashamed of saying i am a feminist.

also who cares abt margot, isnt it abt to be feminism or is it white feminism ? i wanna see support for lilly gladstone who did and insane work in KOTFM than emma stone in PT.

i am biased, i am his fan afterall, i have no hate for the others, but i am a realist. chris has been making movies for 20 years, groundbreaking breathtaking beautiful stuff, i am not here to throw the party like "visionary director" but i wanna put things on the table, he has been way past what the academy considers cinema, he has been snubbed for so long it became ridiculous. he has been doing an imppecable work of supporting filmmaking and the theater industry, supporting the craftsmanship of filmmaking the studios' inverstors and companies look down on just for profits. to end my rant now, the last thing i wanna say is: i don't care if yall say "ah just another cis het white man winning/being nominated" yes honey, it is.

if anything, this is the "cis het white man" who you just can't believe has not won yet. insane right? he has been snubbed by other cis het white males who would believe it right? lmao

now i am done.

we take in the sheets tomorrow evening. have a great saturday yall

#christopher nolan #oppenheimer #cillian murphy #rant #oscar 2024 #BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS MOMENT I HAVE ALL THE GUNS TO MAKE IT HAPPEN DONT THIS AWAY FROM ME #be a nolan fan you have to suffer even through the wins

[pigeonwhumps]

Letters

Immortal Cannon Fodder masterlist

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch

A selection of the multitude of post from Phoenix to their sister Alicia, stashed under her floorboards. Spans the roughly five year period between Phoenix being kicked out and their first Christmas after meeting Kai.

Inspired by this piece by @whumpsday.

1.1k

CWs: mentions of being disowned, implied abuse, implied/mentioned parental abuse, brief mention of crucifixion

Dear Alicia,

I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to. You know that, right? You must do.

I'm just writing to tell you that I have somewhere to stay. You don't need to worry about me. I have a roof over my head and food and that's all I really need.

Except you. I miss you.

Stay safe.

Phoenix x

_

Alicia,

Merry Christmas!

It's been a hectic few months. I'm sorry I haven't written to you. I hope you're doing well in everything you want to do well in.

Also, congratulations on your summer camp application! I saw it in the newspaper. Mum and dad aren't too mad right? I don't want you to be kicked out too.

Got to go. I'll write again soon. Hope you like the wolf.

Phoenix x

_

Alicia,

Happy Birthday! I hope you like the stamp! Sorry if you had to pay. I think it's valid but I couldn't not send you a stamp of the time you petted a wolf. I didn't even know they existed until a few months ago!

Anyway. I found the website for that camp you're going on, and they had a list of recommended supplies. I know there's a hardship fund but I don't know if you qualify and mum and dad won't pay more than the bare minimum if you don't so anyway, what I'm saying is, here's some things for your summer. Only small things, I couldn't post anything bigger.

Enjoy! And I hope you have a good birthday! Sorry I can't be there.

Phoenix x

_

Merry Christmas. Immortality sucks. Hope you like the postcard.

_

Alicia,

Hey! Happy birthday! Hope you're still doing well! Here's another wolf!

Phoenix x

_

Merry Christmas!

Heeeey Alicia! I can walk gain! D'you know crucifixion is like flyng? Cept it hurts. It's in the air tho. Not there now. It's warm and fuzzy here. Mmmmm. Miss you. Want you here so I'm not cold and aolne so much.

Here's a wolf. He's a wonky wolf because he's drnuk. Not leki me. Nope.

Oh dear. I'm not sure they meant to write all that. They're drunk. Who gets drunk off eggnog? - E

Sick people who shouldn't be drinking it get drunk off eggnog. My boss is an idiot. And he forgot to tell you they're safe. Just a bad flu and probably a hangover this time. They'll be fine. - B

_

Dear Alicia,

Happy birthday! 16 today! You're getting old. It's making me feel old, my bones are all creaky and sore. I suppose I am an adult now (nearing a year of it now, actually). Is this what adulthood's like? It's weird.

I hope your exams went okay! Or are going okay, if you're not finished yet. Did the good luck wolf help? Here's a birthday one. He says happy birthday, and he hopes that you're having a good day. So do I.

I hope you like the photos on the card. And the book. I saw it at the bookshop and I couldn't not buy it, really. It reminded me of you.

I wish I was with you. You'll have to make do with this virtual cake instead for now I suppose. I hope you have people to share real cake with.

Happy birthday again,

Phoenix x

_

Alicia,

Merry Christmas!

Um, happy new year may be more appropriate. Sorry this is so late. I think I missed the last posting date. Maybe. I'm a bit all over the place, but it feels like it's gone Christmas. They're taking decorations down anyway.

Have a good... whenever it is you get this. Love you lots.

Phoenix x

_

Happy 18th!

Fuck, you're 18. HOW ARE YOU 18 YOU'RE AN ADULT THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

Hope you like the baby photos.

I don't know if you're still in school, or if you have an apprenticeship, or what you're doing next, but I've enclosed some things that might help. I remember you talked about going to uni but that was five years ago. There's gift cards, pens, notebooks, a cookbook (because I'm sure that's meant to be compulsory when you become an adult), I'm sure something will help.

Missing you lots, and I love you,

Phoenix x

_

I know it's not your birthday or Christmas but look what Aaron found in the zoo shop! It's a 3D wolf card! So I had to send it to you and I am not waiting over four months for you to get it!

Anyway. Kai and Aaron took me to the zoo for my birthday and the wolves loved Kai so much! There's photos so you can see just how much. And it was so much fun and the reptiles were so cool! I got to hold a Komodo dragon! There's more photos, Kai and Aaron insisted on taking lots.

Maybe I can see you again when you move out? It's been so long. You'd love Kai.

Missing you lots still.

Phoenix xx

_

Alicia,

Merry Christmas! I hope you're doing well. Whatever you're doing now, I hope it's good and that you're having fun. And if you haven't already, I hope you manage to get away from mum and dad soon.

Here's a little ornament, if you have a tree. Or if you don't you can hang him up anyway. His name's Joe (remember when you called everything variations of Joe?)

Phoenix xx

Hi. This is Aaron, Phoenix's friend. I need to tell you not to worry about the spots of blood. Phoenix cut themself cooking and won't put a plaster on because it'll heal (which is a bullshit reason but hey. This is Phoenix we're talking about). They're not badly injured, they're just incredibly stubborn and don't realise people might worry at the sight of their blood. Have a good Christmas!

- Aaron

So. I knew Phoenix had a sister, hi! But they said they were in contact with you, and we assumed that meant both ways, not letters that you can't reply to because apparently you don't have a means of doing so. They're scared of rejection, I think, and your parents finding out, but... they would really like to talk to you.

So here's the deal. I'll give you my phone number and you can tell me if you'd like to have theirs. Or I can just pass on messages or something, I don't know. I just know that they're missing you desperately and from what they say, you probably miss them too.

You don't have to message me or anything. But if you want to, if you want to talk to your sibling again (yes, I'm aware they're an idiot), please do. Whenever you like.

- Kai (07459 637 829) 🐺 ← Phoenix says you like them

#whump #whump writing #epistolary #immortal cannon fodder #phoenix oc #kai oc #immortal whumpee #hero whump #hero whumpee #electrocus oc #bayou oc #yes electrocus does kidnap phoenix at christmas to make sure they rest and take care of themself bc they have flu what of it? #phoenix whos forgotten abt their last xmas card: haha ill mention having creaky sore bones as a joke alicia wont worry bc its obv a joke #alicia who recieved a card a few months ago that mentioned a fucking crucifixion: is worried #alicia and phoenix have been getting their post redirected to the local post office for years btw. thats how phoenix can send presents #alicia cries so much when she gets phoenixs card about the zoo and the photos #bc theyve always told each other everything and phoenix has stopped doing that so alicia was worried but now theyre doing it again! #alicias so happy #alicia oc #phoenix deserves more happiness #alicia to kai immediately upon getting the last card: #are they ok? they mentioned a crucifixion and there were tears on my 18th bday card and they seem much happier now but are they ok? #anyone want to see their texts actually? brain going brrr #aaron oc #whumpee and caretaker

[letter-to-a-friend]

backlog cont.

10/15 I woke up Incredibly depressed today, but I can't tell you that, I said I would stop making it your problem. We've talked so little these last few days I'm afraid I'll lose my person. I know I'm just being needy, I'm sorry. It's okay if you want to leave me behind to be happy, I'm probably just baggage to you right now. I didn't mention it before but I haven't been eating the laste few days. I'm down to 187lbs. I've had nothing to eat but eggs and and a can of soup each day, if that. I want to eat, but just can't. I think I need help, but I can never tell you.

You told me not long ago that you were sabotaging dates because you were leaving a window open for [ex], how else am I supposed to look back on our time together as anything but that? You sabotaged our relationship, and got back together with [ex] because that's what you wanted in the first place, you never really tried to love me because you were always in love with [ex]

10/16 I forgot to write you yesterday, but not really. I had written out what I wanted to say for our talk but I didn't end up using it. I'll paste it after this but first- you fucking cheated on me man? Are you serious? You left me for another guy weeks Into it, that's not enough time to know Jack shit, much less that you can never come to love someone. The feeling I thought was love is all gone now, but that still hurts man. That's fucked up, and now I don't think I can ever fully trust you again. I don't love you, but once upon a time I did and you stomped on that love for a man who broke your heart again, and honestly? You deserved it for that. And the me of right now hopes he breaks your heart this time too because of it.

The letter: Honestly I'm a little upset with you right now. I took a look back at the timeline of events and it Honestly makes me feel really used. We broke up on 6/6, and started talking again on 6/20, and from then until you broke up with connor on 8/4 you never told me you were in a relationship which leads me to believe you got back together within that 14 day period of us not talking. You said recently that you felt you were sabotaging tinder dates bc you were still holding out for [ex], and I feel like you did that with me too. It really feels like, back then, you were always waiting for [ex], and you were just wanting someone to vent your sexual frustration from being with him. It only took you from 8/4(when you broke up, and also when we began talking like before) to 8/8 to tell me that you were still sexually attracted to me to the point you couldn't look me in the eyes and until 8/31 for you to tell me you were wanting sex from me. And just a little while ago, we hooked up on 9/30, and you got back together with connor on 10/9. With you so quickly going from being intimate with me, breaking up, getting with [ex], back to sex with me, to being back together, it makes me feel a little used. I know I consented to just fwb and that I was the ultimate initiator, and I know we've done things outside of sex, but almost every time we met up and you weren't on your period, we hooked up. As you've said, you're a very horny person, and that's fine I am too, but part of the reason I want this thing with you and [ex] to either last forever or never happen again is because 3 is a pattern man; if you guys break up, and we end up going back to fwb, and you get back together with him, I'll feel even more like just an outlet for your sexual frustration, who just so happens to play games with you sometimes. I consented to fwb until we found partners, but looking back i feel more like I was just filling the void [ex] left and thats very different. And im not saying fwb is bad, or that i was wanting something more, it was just sex- its the speed at which you changed gears that makes me feel this way. You said you could live without sex for him[context: hes sexually attracted to men, but want a relationship with her to the point hes asked to be poly], but I'm not so sure with how quickly you asked for it after you left the relationship. I know how much you've said you cherish our friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm only here because you don't want to be alone. This is made even worse that you got upset at me when i said i was a little concerned that you would drop me when you got another bf, but when you got back with [ex] you told me that you had done that in the past once already. Sure, there was other things going on with [ex bff], but you got upset at me over a fear you later told me was kinda warrented. I'm not saying that this IS the case, just that this is how the everything is making me feel. I feel like I'm only "precious" because I've given you what you want in emotional support and sex when [ex] wasn't there for you. I feel like you only really want one person in your life, and when they aren't there you settle for me until they come back. How could I not when you move so fast?...1/2

#mental health #spilled thoughts #mental illness

[darlington-v]

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

#asks #anon #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #dsmp meta #dream smp meta #my analysis #long post

[natalieironside]

So, like I told y'all the other day, I sold my short story "The Wishing Tree" to Tales To Terrify. They're presently querying narrators and will let me know when we have an air date. I am...extremely emotional about this.

Getting an acceptance rules. Getting an acceptance from a publication you're also a fan of is next-level. But the Tales To Terrify podcast in particular is very special to me.

Episode 86 of TtT is a reading of "Sinner, Baker, Fabulist, Priest; Red Mask, Black Mask, Gentleman, Beast," a weird-fiction novella by the late and much missed Eugie Foster. "Sinner, Baker..." is about a dystopian society where humans have been spliced with bee DNA and live in a matriarchal hive society where there is no individuality and where your personality and social role are assigned to you every morning by different mind-altering archetypal masks you might put on. A couple of people manage to break out of their programming and discover that, not only do they have individual personalities, but also the entire thing is a sham that was already obsolete generations ago.

Can you see where this is going?

2015 was a weird year for me. I was in a .... bad situation I don't like talking about. I was trapped in a shitty job I hated. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the angry lady inside my head who I'd been trying to silence for the past 10 years. My only escape during that time was that I was able to spend just about every minute of the 16-hour shifts and 80-hour weeks at my shit job listening to audio fiction.

Sometimes a piece of art comes your way exactly when it's supposed to. "Sinner, Baker..." isn't just an entertaining piece of weird fiction, it's a masterpiece by an author who knew exactly how to paint vivid, haunting pictures with words, and it's a story that sticks with you. Sometimes a piece of art comes your way exactly when it's supposed to, and, in the middle of one of the darkest periods in my life (which has mostly been a series of dark periods), Eugie came my way and ran me the fuck over with a truck.

I wish Eugie was still around so I could tell her just how much that story meant to me then and still means to me now. But, knowing that something I wrote is gonna be on the same show that once published Eugie feels pretty damn good too.

#writeblr #bookposting

[yuzukult]

i’m bad too 16 || kdy & reader

title: i’m bad too - drabble series pairing: kim doyoung x reader genre: angst, fluff, smut, goodboy!doyoung, nerdy!dy (basically he’s a dork) & badgirl!reader, hitman!au, oc-isn’t-a-hitman-but-she-could-be!au, word count: 1.8k warnings: none a/n: :D hope you guys enjoy!! taglist: @wownajaemin​​​ @crescent-iak​​​ @ncttboo​​​ @byunbaekby​​​​ @jinfizz​ @doyoungyoung​ @ahgayeah0305​ @doyobun​ @sexualitaeyong @mrkleelvr​ @m1ss-foodi3​ @hcwurld​

← previous chapter || next chapter →​​​

Doyoung looks so pretty like this.

The space between his brows are crinkled in vexation, hair unstyled and brushing against his forehead with his lips pursed while focusing on the task at hand. He’s taken the day off of his internship for this, with approval from your brother, and plus, the way his eyes are sunken and the breakouts on his skin are appearing, it seems like he deserves to chill out for a bit.

But, he seems to refuse to do that, opting that his priority is to take care of you.

Doyoung hasn’t been back to his apartment other than just to grab the necessities—his business casual attire for work, underwear, some lounge clothes, and just things here and there that might be useful. But he hasn’t slept in the comforts of his own bedroom, no, instead he’s been sleeping at your side in your room.

“Would you stop squirming?”

“Well, you could say it’s a bit weird when someone else does it for you.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Be cooperative. I’m trying to make it better.”

You puff your cheeks in agitation, stubborn because you’re not used to this much physical touch, despite the amount of times you’ve slept with Doyoung. There’s something about this that feels more intimate, not like a quick bang for pleasure, but rather he’s doing this because he cares about you.

“Steady. Just a little longer and we’ll be good.”

“You said that twenty minutes ago.”

“It has not been twenty minutes.” Doyoung isn’t that same soft boy you met months ago. He’s gotten intrepid, unabashed by any smart or sharp remarks that you throw his way, in fact, he dodges them or bites the bullet before resuming back to having you in his arms. “You think it’s been twenty minutes because you’re preoccupied with nagging about how you don’t like this happening.”

“It’s weird,” you state, tapping your fingers against the wooden frame of your bed as a distraction. You could use a cigarette, but somehow you managed to let a pretty boy like Doyoung convince you to stop. “I don’t like having people this close.”

“I’m literally just replacing your gauze.”

You frown. “It’s… intimate.” Doyoung can’t help but laugh, shaking his head at your response as he reaches for a fresh new gauze. “I thought you liked me.”

“I do, I just—”

“You won’t let your own boyfriend touch you like this?” He queries, and you’re starting to find yourself in this position often. He’d say something bold, something that he normally doesn’t do, and it leaves you feeling small like you used to do to him. Oh, how the tables have turned. He calls himself your boyfriend recently, despite not officially making it a label, but you like it. It feels… right, for once, like this is how it’s supposed to be.

“It’s not that,”

“Then you should just let me do this, yeah?” He tosses the old bandage into the trash. “Plus, we’re almost done anyways. Would you like to go on a walk after this? I kind of wanted to talk about something.”

Staying put, you inhale in a deep breath in surrender because you’re curious about what he wants to discuss. He remains focused, wrapping you once again, despite the fact that the staff at your house offers to do it since it’s their job, but Doyoung insists it’s his job as much as theirs.

After pulling your shirt down, he offers a hand, helping you transition over to your wheelchair, one you’ve grown to hate because it makes you feel helpless, and Doyoung takes you down the hall.

“There’s an elevator down the hall.”

“A what?”

“An elevator,” you reiterate, and Doyoung doesn’t move, feet rooted into the ground. “We don’t have many floors because we do have an elevator. Goes here, the lobby, basement, then the wine cellar.”

“There’s a wine cellar under your basement?”

“You don’t have one?” He knows it’s a joke, so he just shakes it off and heads over to the large metal doors. Your personality never showcases your wealth, and although he’s in your beautiful home with staff that fills up the majority of it, he still forgets the money you come from.

Naeun is still gorgeous, despite the bruises on her cheeks and the cuts that are scattered across her face.

She’s wiping her hands, after running them under the water in the sink, soaping up her previously flawless porcelain skin that’s now marked with the aftermath of another fight. “How are you feeling?”

“Could be better,” you admit, rolling around the kitchen in your wheelchair. “How are you feeling?”

“Bitchin’,” she states calmly, giving a thankful gaze in Doyoung’s direction when he slides over the first aid kit toward her. “Lover boy been takin’ care of ‘ya?”

“Wish he’d go home and take a break for once, but yeah. Good boy decided he wants to play nurse.”

“Why do you guys talk like I’m not here?”

The two of you shrug, waving him off as Naeun hops onto the granite countertop and begins tending to her own wound. “There’s been another attack,” you glare at her and Naeun only rolls her eyes. “He already knows, don’t act like he’s all innocent to this.” She dabs the remnants of blood on her lip before grabbing the disinfectant wipe. “Johnny’s dead, just so you know.”

“What? Johnny’s dead?”

“Nah, he’s undercover,” she winces at the impact of the alcohol against her open cut. “Fuck.”

You furrow your brows. “Why would you tell me that?”

“Just kidding, he’s dead.”

“Naeun,” you say sternly. She’s playing another game.

“Just kidding. I’m just testing your cognitive skills.” Searching for the neosporin, she gives a quick scoop of the ointment and applies it on. “Seeing if you can still think the same. I have a really bad itch that they’re gonna ask you to come back, love.”

“That doesn’t sound like something I’m interested in,” you’re pointing to all of your gunshot wounds. “Got a couple holes in my body that are still whistling when the wind blows.” Tilting your head, you’re trying to make out the expression on her face from underneath all that hair. “What’s with that look?”

She jolts her head at you. “What look?”

“You know something.”

“Other than Johnny’s death?”

“Naeun.”

“Alright,” she sighs, leaning back against her arms. You can’t help but notice the twitch in her lip, and it’s not from her cut. “Rumor has it, they’re going to try to initiate you again. This time, maybe not so nicely.”

“Even after I went through all that trouble? In case they’ve forgotten but I literally have holes in my body. I risked my life for the guy and here I am, sitting in a wheelchair, unable to fucking take a piss by myself, and he wants me to hop back on the field again?”

“You know how he is,” Naeun says apologetically, although none of this is her fault. She’s just the middle man, the bearer of bad news, and she’s only doing her job by protecting the Boss but you’re not even directly tied to the group, just simply a contractor. “He sees your capabilities, thinks you’re more than worthy, he wants to keep you. Seeing that you’re standing in front of the bullets, taking one for the team and protecting those who are part of us… it only makes him want you more.”

“But he can’t even wait?” You exasperate, baffled by his abruptness despite the fact you were still going through a recovery period. “I’m not even ready yet.”

“Well, he’ll give you some time—”

“You’re making it sound like it’s soon.”

She looks pained. “It… It is soon. He thinks the sooner you begin training, the better. You’ll be better equipped and—”

“I thought this was supposed to be temporary,” you state, voice firm. “I mentioned prior that this was simply a gig I needed to get by.”

“This was before you caught the mole. Before you put yourself in danger, protecting the members of the organization. You proved yourself more than capable, and he wants that. He wants you. You get the job done. Why do you think we keep coming back and hiring you? Because sometimes, you don’t even need a gun. You have your fucking head and that’s the weapon.”

“Well, I need a break.”

“There is no break.”

“Naeun, I almost died. To be quite frank, I don’t give a fuck what Taeyong says. I’m taking a break.”

The sunset is breathtaking; warm hues over the horizon, shining on the Good Boy’s face and only adding on to the fact that he’s also the golden boy. Seated on the picnic blanket beside you, he’s resting his weight back on his arms, eyes closed, soaking in the sun with a soft smile upon his face, inhaling in deep breaths to soothe his nerves. “This is nice. I’m glad you suggested it.”

You hate that you have to lean against this make-shift seat, back pressed on the trunk of the tree. But it hurts so bad to sit on your own; parts of your torso require you to straighten yourself because any slight bend stings. You desperately miss being able to function on your own—it’s so embarrassing asking your boyfriend to do things for you.

“You good?” He asks, turning over his shoulder to glance at you. “I hear you wincing.”

“I’m fine,” you mutter, adjusting yourself once more. “I’m just… getting comfortable.”

Doyoung sighs, finally picking up on your personality and habits by now, so he slides himself back just a bit and extends his legs. “Come here.”

You quirk a brow. “What?”

He pats his lap. “Come here. Lay your head on my lap, and enjoy the sun with me. We can soak in the warmth, and talk about what’s on your mind. Feels like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and not a whole lot of talking.”

Conceding, it takes you a while but with Doyoung’s help, you’re finally laying—there’s less pain in this position, and you’re grateful he suggests it. He brushes your hair out of your face, a soft smile looking down at you that tugs on your heartstrings. “You’re probably thinking a lot.”

“I am,” he admits, pursing his lips. “Have been for a while.”

“Well… will you tell me?” You’d be lying if you said that Doyoung confessing he’s been pondering frequently doesn’t make you nervous. There’s always that possibility of him deciding that maybe this wasn’t for him—that taking care of you, learning you’re a sort of a hitman and part of some shady organization, or that your family owned the company that he worked at wasn’t… what he signed up for.

But that stupid grin doesn’t ever wipe off of his face. “What is it?”

And with a gentle voice, he says with a press of a kiss on the crown of your head, he says these words that have you levitating. “I love you.”

#doyoung smut #nct smut #doyoung x reader #doyoung #doyoung fanfic #nct fanfic #nct 127 fanfic #nct u fanfic #gyukultfics

[rogue-durin-16]

FIREWORKS AND STREAMERS

Request: I have been insecure about my curly hair lately and was wondering if you can you write something with one of the weasley twins where the reader is insecure about her curly hair and one of the twins makes her feel better.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Hufflepuff!Reader

Genre: fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @wildcat1434

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: none

A/N: So like, incoming fluff bc this idea was cute and sometimes I do be needing fluff, that's about it, enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The relationship between me and my hair had always been... Bumpy, you could say.

There were periods in which I would find it quite lovely; during those times I would let my curls free, showing them off with a proud demeanor, knowing my hair was unique. Those times began to turn less and less usual since the middle of third year, though they were still there.

However, after the summer prior to my sixth year, those moments had banished; I only wished to hide my hair, and my friends ended up noticing. They told me surely there would be a spell or potion able to change my hair.

As if they had summoned it, the next day in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall introduced us to what seemed like my salvation; Crinus Muto, an advanced spell that modified the caster's hair with no restrictions.

My best friend advised me against using it, claiming it wouldn't help my insecurity— if only, it would worsen it.

I really wanted to do as she had told me and completely dismiss the spell's existence, but two nights after I had a big mental breakdown about it, caused by the most stupid thing ever.

"Is Weasley staring at you or am I blind?" One of my friends whispered, her eyes trained on the Gryffindor table.

I didn't even bother to look up, not wanting to know whether it was true or not, before responding with a quiet "You're blind."

"I mean, it's hard to tell with two rows of students between us but," She nudged me, urging me to avert my gaze from my dinner and redirect it to Fred. "it kinda looks like he's... staring."

Curiosity killed the cat, I guess. My eyes finally left my plate and were, in fact, met with Fred's brown ones. As soon as they met, though, he looked away, pretending to be focused on his food, just like I had been doing seconds ago.

"Of course he's staring." Hannah Abbot, who sat right in front of my friend, commented with her mouth full. "Have you seen your hair?" She swallowed her food, looking me up and down before adding, "No offense, but it's an absolute mess." My eyes opened widely in shock at her bluntness. "You should take care of it, really."

"Has someone ever told you you're an ill-mannered bitch, Hannah?" I heard my friend talking back at the younger girl while I got up and started to make my way out of the Great Hall.

Of course, I didn't see Fred shooting up and attempting to go after me; ultimately he decided to stay in his place, since he saw my friend walking out too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was very aware of all the pair of eyes that had been laid on me the very moment I entered the greenhouse where we would be doing the Herbology tasks.

When I had met my friends at the Hufflepuff common room that morning, I had received divided opinions about my straight hair. At first I had been very convinced that it looked way better than my curly hair, but seeing my friends' reaction, I wasn't that confident about it anymore.

I didn't have time to undo the spell before class, so I decided to go along with it and see how the day unfolded.

I took a deep breath, my eyes trained on the ground as I made my way to an empty seat; maybe there weren't that many people staring, maybe it was just my anxiety.

I finally gathered the courage and looked up, nervously scanning the glasshouse so I could shake off my fears.

There was only a couple of my peers staring, which would have put me at ease, if one of them wasn't Fred Weasley.

On top of it, of course, he wasn't even trying to be subtle, it was almost as if he wanted me to notice his judging eyes; I could feel his gaze on me for the entire class.

The instant Professor Sprout dismissed us, I shoved everything in my bag and left the greenhouse, thanking a couple of Gryffindors who complimented my hair on my way out.

Again, I didn't notice Fred leaving the class as soon as he could to run after me.

I threw my bag against a tree near the lake shore and, as I fell against it, I heard someone jogging in my direction.

"In a hurry to sit by the lake, Y/l/n?" I followed the tall ginger with my eyes while he circled me and sat down by me. "You alright?"

"I just needed a break from... People." I vaguely explained, focusing on the water instead of on the boy besides me.

"Understandable." He hesitated for a second before adding, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, it's fine." I surprised myself at how calmed and collected I sounded, as if I wasn't chatting with my crush.

"What happened to your hair?" His genuinely curious inquiry took me aback, and I struggled to find something to answer.

"Why?" My heartbeat picked up, anxiety inundating me once more. "You don't like it?"

"It looks weird." Fred looked at me up and down with a grimace. "You don't... Look like yourself." I was about to enter fight or flight mode, but he seemed to notice, and panic made its way to his face. "But it doesn't matter what I think," he was quick to add, his eyes wide open as if he knew he had said something he should have not. "I mean— I think it shouldn't matter, if you like it, that's great— I mean, you don't need my opinion about that either!"

"Calm down, I understand." I tried to reassure him, before his rambling drove the both of us crazy. "Can I tell you a secret?" He nodded with pursed lips, surely afraid he would fuck up if he spoke again. "I've been very insecure about my hair lately— like, very." I sighed. "My best friend told me not to straighten it, but last night I got a not so nice comment and—"

"So that's why you left?" I nodded, tugging my sleeves. Fred went silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat and scooted closer to me. "I know this won't do much, but I really love your hair. Kinda reminds me of fireworks and streamers." He gestured around his own head, mimicking the fireworks' movement. "Dunno I think is fun and pretty awesome." I raised my brows at him in surprise. "Like you."

"Aw, that's very sweet." He offered me a sheepish smile as I felt my cheeks blushing. "It does a lot, actually." I confessed, fidgeting with my rings. "I guess I kinda needed to hear something positive about my hair."

"Well, whenever you need to hear something positive about your hair," he pointed at himself. "I'm your man." He winked at me and I let out a chuckle. "I can also tell you positive things about you in general, but that has a price."

"And what is it?"

"You'll have to let me buy you a drink at The Three Broomsticks this Saturday." I tried not to let panic slip through my recently eased demeanor; was he asking me on a date? "And give me a kiss after." He wiggled his brows at me and my face turned red. "the kiss is negotiable."

I casted my gaze down, fixing it on my shoes, not sure of what I was supposed to say at that. His foot tapping mine snapped me out of my thoughts.

"So?" My eyes traveled to him once more, only to find his studying me already. "What do you say, Y/l/n?"

"Well," I shrugged, trying in vain to play nonchalant. "Seems like an affordable price, so it's fine by me."

"I'll pick you up after lunch, yeah?" Before I could agree, he gasped, his eyes going wide. "I'm a genius."

"Come again?" I frowned, confused as his sudden frantic behavior.

"Don't mind me, love." He jumped up and jogged towards the castle, leaving me puzzled in there. I was about to grab a book from my bag when Fred rushed back, crouched down and pecked my cheek. "Your hair's amazing." He assured me. "See you!" My fingertips graced my now flushed cheek as he headed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was finishing my lunch when two towering redheads entered the Hall running; while George, slowed down, Fred made a beeline to the Hufflepuff table, his casual clothes already on.

"Ready?" He asked breathless.

"Yeah— you didn't have lunch, did you?" I pointed out, getting up to stand in front of him.

"No, but I'll eat something later—" his eyes roamed over my carefully picked outfit before stating, "You look... very pretty."

"Why, thank you." I offered him a smile and looked over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table, where his friends were very attentive to all we did. "You sure you don't wanna eat something?"

"Hundred percent." He tilted his head towards the gates. "shall we?" He prompted to walk before him, and it was then that I realized he had his hands behind his back. Once we were out in the yard, he tugged my hand and made me turn to him. "I made something for you."

"You didn't have to." Was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard his words. Then the wording dawned on me; he didn't get me something, he made me something. "What is it?"

"So, you know that I told you your hair reminded me of fireworks and streamers?" I nodded, not quite knowing where he was going with that. "Well—" he then showed me what his back was hiding; a delicate, tiny firecracker with my name written on the side. "George helped me so I could finish it on time."

"I'm—" at my loss of words, I could only let out a happy laugh. "This is so cute— am I supposed to ignite it?"

"Duh!" I gently pushed his shoulder in response to his teasing. "Do you know how to do it?"

"I've seen you do it plenty of times." I admitted, grabbing the firecracker with one hand and my wand with the other; it looked so pretty, it was a pity I'd have to ruin it.

With a brief firemaking spell, the firecracker set off. Fred pulled me back slightly before it happened, though.

I was in awe at the beautiful fireworks before us, which looked like a color-changing, expanding version of my hair.

When the colors died out, I turned to Fred, whose attention was already on me, awaiting for a reaction. Surely, he was not expecting the kiss he got, but he didn't complain either; while my hands rested on his chest, his traveled to cup my cheeks before I could pull away.

"So you liked it?" He questioned quietly against my lips.

"I loved it." I whispered back with a wide smile. "You're a sweetheart." I pecked his lips before retreating. Holding his hand in mines, I made my way back into the castle. "We're not leaving until you have lunch."

"You are a sweetheart." He responded, following my lead without offering resistance. "By the way, your hair looks gorgeous." The corners of my lips twisted into a bigger smile at the sweet words he spoke only for me to hear as we went back into the Great Hall.

Maybe my hair wasn't that bad after all.

#fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley #fred weasley x hufflepuff!reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x gender neutral reader #fred weasley fanfics #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley fanfiction #fred lives au #fred x y/n #fred x you #fred x reader #fred x hufflepuff reader #gryffindor x hufflepuff #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #fred weasley masterlist #fred weasley aesthetic

[flowerflamestars]

I posted 6,129 times in 2021

503 posts created (8%)

5626 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 11.2 posts.

I added 375 tags in 2021

#on the shoreless sea - 73 posts

#your heart as it was will be on fire - 73 posts

#acosf spoilers - 66 posts

#armor fic - 33 posts

#flowerflamestars reads - 29 posts

#yes - 28 posts

#tidal - 21 posts

#in red and gold these ways of old - 19 posts

#but also - 17 posts

#armor fic universe - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#its totally cool and fine that you are not married to me but i am married to you and in love and in fact can i do this every day until i die

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Petty small things roundup, in which I try not to verge into what I super hated:

-Did anyone else keep getting jarred by the 300% increase in the insistence that everyone call each other sister/brother? like we, the reader, cannot understand a found family unless it’s spelled out in nuclear terms. 

- god, someone feed Cassian some fucking fruit. let Nesta brush her teeth. oh my god

-pregnancy scent descriptors? GROSS yall. whole gross vibe

-why why why would Nesta need to wear head to toe leather to work out at the House of Wind? they’re flight leathers. they’re for warmth in brutal cold. the woman is doing squats in leather pants.

- are we....supposed to be sympathetic to Cassian’s bitchy Eris makes me feel like I’m bad at the job I am bad at! that he is good at! that he acts like a dick about to make me even worse at!

(like, obviously there’s some racist shit there. But it’s just so weirdly focused on: he’s prettier! cleverer! so smooth! he makes me FEEL AWKWARD while he’s being smooth and clever!)

-Morrigan...dressed Nesta? what

- Hounds were mentioned and yet, we saw not a single hound. Incorrect faery hound usage

- remember when we used to happily joke about how Galathynius was SUCH a fantasy name? remember when s/jm made up names instead of...borrowing them from real life? lifting whole concepts and then very lightly changing them? gracelessly?

-500 years is NOT A LONG TIME TO IMMORTAL PEOPLE WHO CAN... live forever unless killed???if all our cast are demonstrably still shaped/dealing with things that happened then, hey, maybe they also remember things from that time period?

-do they not...actually chose what shape/location the deal tattoos take? because rhys definitely chose how feyre’s turned out two books ago

- can someone tell s/jm that sometimes...adult people whose parents didn’t bother to raise them...don’t enshrine those parents in their memories after death. and that’s okay? 

-NESTA IS THE TALL SISTER?

-why WHY would all the other Queens just nope out? are we supposed to assume they were killed? Surely the entire missing monarchy would raise...some flags in human territory?

- Feyre...transforms...into another kind/race of faery. just... I can’t.. If I actually try to talk about how bad this is my brain will explode.

- on one hand, why the hell is Rhysand daring put a stop to Helion’s incredible sense for how to make an entrance? ON THE OTHER, why did I just read a mini magic horse biography in the middle of this book

-Somehow...I feel like...Varian probably isn’t going to get to keep whatever office he holds in Summer while living in the Night Court? shouldn’t.

-HIGH KING? HIGH KING?

this didn’t exist when the other books were being written. I would bet...so so much that it didn’t even exist until a late round of edits. this is a BAD concept

-I read this book yesterday and I have already forgotten the name of the big bad

- there are NO female self-defense instructors? in this whole ass Court metropolis?

-NESTA ISNT ALLOWED SUGAR IN HER PORRIDGE??

-I thought the mean librarian was going to be a surviving Valkyrie. it was too cool a thought for this novel

-Illyrian’s can only winnow? one night a year? and they exclusively use it to start the yearly murder game? is it SERIOUSLY only the men that can winnow? 

- Pregnant mate announcing pregnancy to the Court of Nightmares, fine. Pregnant mate getting a kiss on the cheek from her dude friend/ ‘brother’ BAD

-Regifting jewelry is a dick move

- but why does Vallahan matter? at all? 

- Illyrian rebellion man died OFF PAGE?

-if I were a blacksmith, and some of my swords clearly somehow became Legendary Magic Swords, I wouldn’t act like that was a fearful imposition?

See the full post

211 notes • Posted 2021-02-18 02:36:07 GMT

#4

guys guys GUYS modern Eris is not a HUNK. He's the tall, fine-boned, PRETTY. Lanky strong at best. He wears spf 110 and lightly sneers at the farmers market at people buying Clearly Not Local Fruit. A hot lawyer cliche from a romcom but a)actually does the job and b) is Even More Immaculate and Mean than mr boring sexy corporate. Erase the Henley in your mind. ERASE IT. He wears stupid Gucci boots and lives in a house that is 50% books & 50% Nesta. They don't invite people over.

180 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 04:29:20 GMT

#3

He’d been mass-produced- she was just famous, and far, far from safety.   She wasn’t even trying. Head to toe in white like a fucking beacon, brutally bright against the endless sand, even as the light faded. The Alderani mourning braid could have been clocked from a mile away, pins shining in the mass of her hair.   Foolish as fuck- maybe she did, actually, have something in common with her twin besides day of birth.   Boba pulled off his helmet, and watched the measured, sure steps, of Leia Organa approaching his throne.   It felt like too much, to say her name. He’d heard that piece of shit smuggler call her princess, like it didn’t send pain lashing through those furious, dark eyes.   It wasn’t even her correct fucking title.   “Huttslayer,” Boba grumbled, empty space carrying the rasp of his voice.   And Leia smiled.   “Lord Fett.”   Maybe not foolish. Maybe she just knew that if anyone on this planet touched her, they’d lose their hands- and any other offending appendages Boba could cut off for her, unless she wanted the work herself.

151 notes • Posted 2021-07-31 16:18:29 GMT

#2

okay i’m still obsessed with your idea of nesta and tarquin together!! would you mind giving us a little more on that, like how would they first interact, what would nesta think of him, all of that? thank you so much!!!! 💚💚

I would love to!!!

The important thing to remember about the Tarquin Draft is that is has the same main story as Daylight: Nesta in Day, Nesta the Library, Helion’s grumpy best, best truest friend ride or die companion.

So Nesta doesn’t actually meet Tarquin again until she’s halfway to okay. It’s plotwise timeline closest to where she is in the most recent chapter- feeling at home in her body, really hitting her stride as Librarian, gaining a reputation as just an absolutely formidable force who helps anyone who asks.

There’s been correspondence between the Library and Summer- Nesta, acting as a go-between for Kallias- but remember, no one uses her name. 

So it’s a big surprise when the Librarian arrives in Summer, pulls down her black and gold hood and...there is Feyre Archeron’s face, like a nightmare. Except not- wearier, sharper, older, devastation and salvation like the sunrise after a storm at sea- Nesta, who laughs in Cresseida’s face when the Princess of Adriata calls her a Night Court spy.

Nesta: wouldn’t that require belonging to the Night Court? Try my baby sister, if you’d like to yell about idiotic plans. Where are the books that keep eating people?

Cresseida is so wary, but Nesta, of course, isn’t actually going to leave before handling the cursed trove some Summer sailors pulled from the sea. She’s the Librarian.

Tarquin just...doesn’t want this. Doesn’t want to be proved inexperienced, that he can’t act for his people’s good by a beautiful woman again. But Nesta aggressively wants to help, and ultimately, he lets her.

And Nesta acts nothing like Feyre.

She takes off that cloak of office (listen, I’m picturing like, the coolest wide-legged, sleeveless white linen jumpsuit that has EVER existed, chic but functional), puts on a sunhat that she...magicked into her hand? and stomps into the shallows. Starts pulling sailors souls out of the treasure and hauling them to shore.

It’s terrifyingly efficient. And listen, Tarquin doesn’t give a shit about rank, so he, after some very blushy surprise because no, he did not know he had a competency kink and Nesta Archeron has tiny adorable little freckles on her shoulders- gets in the waves to help.

Nesta doesn’t even look at him.

What she does is save the lives of twelve of his men, pick up the faintly hissing, utterly cursed chest of books that started all this, and ask Cresseida is there’s a room where she can work. 

So they take her to the palace. 

The beautiful ambassadors rooms, windows and silk and the sound of water. 

It becomes clear that the curse is in fact, just a curse, but one that can only be broken under the full moon, which is two weeks away. So Nesta stays, being the only person who can keep that magic from spreading. The only payment she wants is to take the books back when she goes which leaves Tarquin, arms full of the traditional gift of pearls, VERY embarrassed.

But he gets over it. Tarquin is genuinely chill- he has baggage from the weight of his responsibility, of being fooled by the Night Court- but he’s also so, so young. Kind. Curious. He doesn’t want to judge Nesta on the actions of people related to her, and once she proves herself, he doesn’t.

And meanwhile Nesta is like, cool. Cool, cool, cool- I can’t sleep while I’m here, I can’t winnow home and sleep because the Library can’t suppress a curse from hundreds of miles away, I’m not going to steal the books like a fucking thief in the night like Feyre-

So Nesta does a lot of exploring. 

Tarquin comes into the harbor one morning, pink still streaking the sky. He’d been up in predawn doing Manly Boating Things with his navy- he walks through the harbor, lets the sounds his happy people sooth the rush of magic that still surprises him- to shape the sea, to cease the waves, to bend the world, to call the tide- and goes looking for breakfast.

Instead, he finds Nesta.

In line a line waiting for fresh bread and pastries, in another insanely attractive white outfit, looking at the sky. She’s alone- he’d given her guards, servants, knew damn well Cresseida was watching her- holding a basket, drinking coffee with her free hand.

So Tarquin joins her.

It cannot be overstated how genuinely charmed they both are with how normal it is. No death and war between them. No magic drawing them together. No real history- Nesta isn’t Feyre in the slightest- just a man with salt drying in his hair and a beautiful grin, asking if he can buy Nesta breakfast. 

Just Nesta, and the only High Lord she’s ever met besides Helion who isn’t aggressive. As she says, Nesta has as many problems with High Fae men as they tend to her- the siren song of power, challenge called to challenge by her very primordial being.

And listen, Tarquin is a huge, very physical dude. Summer faeries are touchy, in a friendly way. But he also, like Helion, is smart enough to pick up on how screamingly uncomfortable men make Nesta. He doesn’t know why, and noticing it made him feel a little sick- but he’s careful. Kind, funny Tarquin, whose managed in knowing her just a few days to figure out how to approach her without triggering her.

So Nesta says yes. Nesta probably says something snarky as hell about his High Lordly hospitality.

And Tarquin laughs- genuinely, beautiful.

He’s still laughing when they get to humble little window, and Nesta goes still. 

See the full post

146 notes • Posted 2021-01-30 17:38:27 GMT

#1

all she wanted...WAS CASSIAN AND BABIES?

ARE YOU FUCKING-

No power. Didn’t actually complete the bloodrite she killed her way across. Keeps giving up her damn sword. Nothing for herself but some dude, who will always value a High Lord over her. 

124 notes • Posted 2021-02-16 22:37:25 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #oh god notably on brand #are you- #BOBALEIA IS ONE OF MY MOST POPULAR POSTS??? #babes I love you all. read it all on ao3!

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirit - Zuko x fem! reader (pt.3)

SUMMARY: this takes place around the end of book 1 - but uhhhh I deadass don’t know how to give a summary for this without giving anything away soooo enjoy!

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

WARNINGS: mentions of death and suicide. Scars. Swearing. Non- sexual nudity. Nightmares. Panic attack ish.  mention of torture.

KEY: italics = internal thoughts & *** = flashback

OTHER PARTS:  pt1   /   pt2 /  pt4   /   pt5   /   pt6

MASTERLIST: Here!

You’d been walking in the back streets of the capital with your face turned to the sun for the past two hours. The black mask shielding the bottom half of your face hid the sigh that left your lips as you finally approached the palace.

Fucking finally.

Even though you were a Fire bender, it didn’t make it any less annoying as the sun blistered down of the completely black outfit you were wearing. It covered every piece of your skin from your neck, down to your feet. Even your scarred fingertips were hidden from the world.

As you neared the gates, they immediately began to open, inviting you in with open arms. This made you one of the few people, apart from the royal family, that didn’t need to prove their identity to get in. All the guards knew who you were and what you did for the Fire Lord, promoting you from being a prisoner to one of the most well looked after people in the entire Nation. Technically, they were never instructed to provide you with immediate access. Yet, as rumours spread throughout the palaces’ echoing halls, their fear of you doing what you did to all those people when out on missions, seemed to override those basic routines.

Normally you’d scoff at how silly it all was, the fact that they feared a 16-year-old girl almost made you feel sorry for them. As guards of the Nation they should stand with pride and confidence. You suppose that’s what happens when even though they don’t see it, they have nothing to be prideful about considering who their current ruler is. Regardless, today you appreciated their diligence, storming through the gates, and making your way straight to the throne room. You didn’t even give anyone an initial glance. You were pissed. This had been the fourth mission in a row where you were sent to take out some random high position person from some other nation. All this travelling back and forth began to get on your nerves.

Maybe it was from the heightened stress of the most recent task. This one, in particular, set you off because of the minimal information you had to take them out. All you were provided with was that they were from the Water Tribe, and had been at sea in a fleet for multiple years, taking down Fire Nation units.

Gee thanks! Give me a few weeks, and I’ll track down this mysterious person you don’t even know the name of and be on my way! Hmmm, now my first plan of action will be to flip a gold piece to decide if I should swim to the Northern or the Southern tribe to gather intel! Just you wait Ozai. I’ll take that stupid, pathetic, floppy thing you call a beard and drag you into the fire in front of your throne you piece of-

Abruptly cutting off your internal rant, you walked past the guards who immediately opened the doors to the throne room as they saw you approaching; noticing the long braid down your back alit in your raged fire. Reaching the middle of the throne room you didn’t even bother to bow, throwing a Water Tribe necklace splattered in blood to the ground. “It’s done.”

The guard closest to you hastily picked it up and climbed the stairs to hand it to Ozai for an inspection. Eyeing the tribal necklace in the guards’ hand, he made no move to take it away from him physically. Ironic how he has slaughtered so many yet refuses to get real blood on his hands.

“Prove yourself.”

You instantly provided him with the report you memorised on how you conducted the mission with details on an weekly basis. This ensured you actually went through with the assassination- you suggested that you could bring back their head two years ago, but apparently that was too gruesome to be in the presence of the great Fire Lord. There were no pauses or stutters as you rehearsed it on your journey back to the capital.

“Present the details of the savage.”

You held back a sigh, this was always your least favourite part. “The person you sent out for went by the name of Hakoda. He was of the Southern Water Tribe and Chief to one of its smaller villages. During my time undercover in the tribe, I acquired knowledge that his wife was disposed of under the assumption that she was the last Waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe and had two children. It is also to my knowledge that his children are currently travelling with the Avatar. Through making connections with the villagers, I set out to sea in search for him and managed to gain access and trust upon the main ship when they were docked in an isolated part of the Earth Kingdom for supplies. I went under an alias of a homeless non-bending orphan from the Northern Water Tribe wanting revenge on the Fire Nation for slaughtering my parents. When it came time to dispose of him, I did so in the middle of the night after faking a nightmare, seeking him out as a father figure for comfort. I used his own weapon against him as he held me, speaking words of comfort, expressing that I was safe and how I was like a daughter to him. A daughter who would have been a great older sister to his children. During this moment of emotional weakness for him, I assassinated him before he could have even registered that I would have been an awful sister. Leaving before dawn, I made the scene look like a suicide with a letter expressing in detail how being away from his children was too much to bear.”

Ozai looked up from the necklace, satisfied with the briefing. “Hmmm, well-done y/n. Tell me, what do you know of his children?”

“Nothing of great importance other than knowledge of them travelling with the Avatar.”

“Very well, you may have a day’s rest and will be informed of your next task tomorrow evening. Your payment for your services is already in your quarters.”

You bowed knowing you were lucky he let it slide when you walked in. “Thank you, my Fire Lord.”

Exiting the throne room, you made your way to your living quarters, looking forward to the sensation of washed hair, clean clothes, and your bed.

When you finally made it back to your room, you let out a sigh of relief immediately ripping off your mask. As the years went by, nothing seemed to get easier, and nothing seemed to stop. You cherished the moments of silence, the brief period of time where the universe aligned in such a way that you were able to pretend this wasn’t your life. One mission after another, constantly lying to do what needed to be done, amid all the alias’ you made up, you wondered which one really demonstrated who you were as a person. The idea of having to settle with the Fire Lord’s personal assassin didn’t necessarily make you giddy with pride.

You made your way to the bathtub that awaited you in the adjoining room, peeling off the once breathable fabric, off your body as you went. The tub was already full as the servants went to prepare it when they heard the word of your return. You finally unravelled the braid holding your hair together, yet another symbol of the job you committed yourself to. On the first day of training, you were told that if you were caught, your affiliation with the Fire Nation should be buried with you.  

Your skin shuddered as you entered the chilled water, easing your mind that warm water would never satisfy in this Nation’s climate. You leant back with a small wince as your scarred back made contact with the tub. Growing up, it wasn’t uncommon for other assassins to have some form of physical scarring whether that be from training, a mission gone wrong, or punishment from their supervisor. In some unusual way, you were never insecure about it, only annoyed that you had to sleep in odd positions because of the sensitivity.

You began to drift, succumbing to the cool, soothing water around you. Between the stress of returning to the capital, and the stress that awaited you on your next task, you allowed yourself to let go. Free yourself of any thoughts. In your current state, you weren’t scarred. You weren’t trapped in what seemed like a never-ending cycle of duty. You weren’t anyone to anything.

As the moon began to shine through the windows into the bathroom, you woke up with a start, water splashing onto the tiles around you, your heart racing and sweat soaking the unsubmerged parts of your body. Running your hand through your hair, you fought the urge to let out an overwhelmed sob. Nightmares were a common occurrence for you, but this one settled under your skin like a scratch you would never be able to itch.

Air seemed to close in on your lungs, no matter how much you tried to calm yourself down, all you could focus on was the fact you couldn’t breathe. Hastily fumbling, and tripping as you got out of the tub, you forced yourself to reach for the first clean robe you could get your hands on. As your thoughts mixed into on jumbled heap, you desperately tried to get it together.

He believed you.

They all did, you knew it in the way that the guards struggled to hide back their expressions of discomfort as you described how you oh so easily manipulated a grown man, warrior, and chief, only to kill him.

It was a lie. All of it. Yet why did I dream of them finding out now?

You’ve never assassinated anyone since that general three years ago, and you most certainly never killed Hakoda. From the very moment you accepted the offer, you knew you’d never go through with the commissions. During the brief period when you trained and got back onto a healthy diet was when you mentally formulated how you would conduct each “killing”. It was simple, you’d carry out the mission as you normally would, but in the time you were supposed to spend working out how to dispose of them, you helped them create a new life for themselves. You didn’t bother trying to shield the truth from them, knew the Fire Lord wanted them dead. While it sent them into a panic, in the long run, it made everything a whole lot easier. They could never go by who they once were, and needed to move far, far, away from wherever they lived. The lives they once knew erased, cutting off all ties.

Idiot. Why did I have to make an exception now?

Instantly dismissing the question that wriggled its way into your head, you began to journey to the kitchens in desperate need for a distraction. You knew why you made the exception.

***

Three weeks ago, when you were on the ship with Hakoda, you did actually have a nightmare, prompting you to go out onto the deck to clear your mind. The air was crisp, eliciting goosebumps across your skin. Quickly letting out a breath of fire, you began to regulate your body temperature as you noticed Hakoda already looking out to the never-ending expanse of the ocean. As an experienced warrior, he heard you approach.

“Y/n? The moon has been out for a long time now, you should be asleep.”

Sighing, you stood next to him, joining him in looking out to the sea. “Nightmares.”

He nodded in understanding. “Do you want to talk about it?”

There was no fear in your voice as you recounted the altered memories of your torture, he already knew who you were, where you were from… what you did. All things considered; he took everything pretty well, barely holding it against you. To him, you were just a kid who was sucked into this life, making the best with what you had.

Finishing your poor recount of the nightmare, you turned to face him. “I have to go back soon. I’ve been pushing it by staying for an extra month. We need to make a plan for you to leave. You need to start a new life.”

He knew this conversation was coming ever since he managed to persuade you to help them out for a while. After all, he seemed to look straight past the wall you put up to know that you wanted Ozai’s reign to end. Despite respecting your boundaries, when you took off your mask in front everyone on board, the scar on your neck that travelled beneath your long sleeve shirt as it encompassed your hand, was enough to know that you suffered just like everyone else.

“Y/n, you know I can’t do that. My children, Sokka and Katara, they’re travelling with the Avatar right now, and I haven’t seen them since they were young. I can’t just leave and have you fake my death like that, Bato told me how much hope that knowing I’m alive brings to them! If I go and word gets out that you ‘assassinated’ me… it will crush them. Their close relationship with the worlds only hope is too much of a risk. I need them to be strong. The world needs them to be strong. I’m sorry y/n, but I can’t.”

You stared at him processing his words. Ultimately you knew he was right, but you couldn’t go back after such a long time just to say you failed. The Fire Lord would destroy you. “I understand where you are coming from. I do, but you can’t seriously expect me to go back with nothing! What do you expect me to do?! Oh, sorry Fire Brain I couldn’t kill him because something suddenly possessed me to feel bad about how his children might feel! Don’t worry, though, I didn’t care every other time I knew about other targets’ children! Unless you have some genius plan, I’m sorry, but Sokka and Katara are just going to have to suck it up. Let’s be realistic, yes, this MAY damage them and their duty to support the Avatar, but at least you can go back to them when this war is over!”

He ran his hand over his face, clearly trying to stay calm and collected. “I know, y/n. That’s why I’ve been up all night making a plan, but you’re not going to like it.”

You crossed your arms, scoffing at him. “The fact you’re suggesting something other than what I have ALREADY planned makes me not like it… but let’s hear it.”

He attempted to start with the parts of the plan he knew you’d agree on, which didn’t last long. “Well, we can incorporate some of your plans into it, that being we fake my death taking by tribal necklace back to the Fire Nation splattered in the animal’s blood. Yet everything else? We’re scrapping it.”

Biting on your tongue, you fought the urge to scream at how stupid this was sounding.

Relieved you didn’t bite back, he continued. “I’ll stay with the crew and then-“

That was enough for you to lose control. “Okay, I’m sorry did you just say you want to stay with the crew?! I am supposed to be taking out the LEADER OF THIS FLEET! If you stay with them and continue to attack vulnerable units, they will know, and they’ll have my head!”

“I know y/n! Which is why, when you’re gone, Batu will temporarily take over as captain until further notice. I, on the other hand, will only help plan the attacks stay in the background until it’s safe. Now, as for my kids, we’ll send them a letter letting them know I’m safe and hopefully a location so I can reunite with them.”

“But what if-“

“The letter gets intercepted? It’s just going to have to be a small risk.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried to bring the conversation to a less hostile level. “More often than not, there is no perfect plan. You should know that, by faking all of your assassinations since working for the Fire Lord. Which might I add, is the biggest risk you could possibly take. It will all work out in the end; trust me. But, this is your playing field, if you truly think me disappearing is the only way, then we can go ahead with the original plan.”

Sucking in a breath, you stared at Hakoda as if he grew two heads.

Did he just give me an option?

“W-what do you mean what I think?! You literally just said that you CAN’T leave your children! You gave me an alternative plan, and now you’re saying that if I disagree you’ll do as I say? That doesn’t make any sense.”

He let out a laugh, amused by your concerns. “Y/n, you have been trained in this area and executing the fake assassinations all on your own for over two years. No one knows the ins and outs of how the Fire Nation plans things like you do. If you think my plan is severely flawed and both of us are bound to get caught, I will trust your judgement in which is the best to conduct. Yes, I said that we should be thinking of my kids and the Avatar, his destiny is bigger than any of this, but everyone should be allowed to choose what they want to do, I am just allowing you to expand your options.”

With a final breath, he truly looked at you with sincerity, “I trust you y/n.”

It all seemed too much. All your life it felt like there was only one obvious pathway; do what it takes to survive. Everything he said was right, and it dawned on you that for once the decision you were about to make had two genuinely good choices. Hakoda gifted you with that privilege. Either way, you would save his life and yours. Yet you knew that the new pathway presented to you would lead you something bigger, just like he said. You couldn’t take one of the few good things away from his kids.

Overcome with emotion, you hugged him. “Thank you. We’ll do it. You need to stay.”

He hugged you back as you began to cry.

***

After spending the remainder of the night stuffing your face in the kitchens, you didn’t go back to sleep and started to train with whoever was willing until it was time to hear of your next target. By no means were you looking forward to it, but you were ready to distance yourself from the last mission as it regularly filled your mind.

I wonder if he actually put Bato in charge and stood down? Stop thinking about it y/n. It doesn’t matter anymore; you’ll never have to see him again.

As the sun started to disappear into the Fire Nations skyline, you headed for the throne room knowing you shouldn’t keep Ozai waiting.

I can’t wait to see the show he has prepared for me. I wonder how dark he tried to make the lighting this time. Ooo! Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get 20-foot flames! Then I won’t have to see his ugly beard.

Entering the room and bowing before him, you fought back a snicker as it truly felt like the room seemed darker than usual.

“Y/n, you have come a long way from being a traitor and prisoner to the Nation to one of the most valuable assets. Your next task will be the ultimate test of your loyalty to me. I have trusted and sent my daughter Azula on a mission to bring back my traitor of a brother, and my failure of a son.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Azula was no stranger to riling you up whenever you crossed paths over her brother, and you were well aware of the encounters he had with the Avatar. But not once were you brought into the dysfunctions of their family. Now all of a sudden you were formally addressed by Ozai who was mentioning these events to you? It made you hyper-aware of the scars that stretched along your left side. The only personal connection you had with Zuko.

“While she undoubtedly has my complete trust, and I do not doubt her abilities, she lacks experience. Azula does not have the knowledge of the world, and fighting styles from the other nations like you do. For that, I am entrusting you to take care of the collateral damage. If things are to go wrong, if she is faced with a circumstance hindering her ability to do her task, it is your job to finish it. Even if that means harm must come to her, the mission is the utmost priority. Should you fail, do not underestimate the consequences you’ll face if you ever step back into the Nation.”

In your best attempt to keep your composure, you replied in a cool but firm tone. “Of course, my Fire Lord.”

“Good. You leave at dawn and do not return until my daughter succeeds.”

Bowing in acknowledgement, you began to leave. But you quickly halt your movements as you hear his voice again.

“One last thing y/n. Azula is not to know that you are tracking her at any stage during her mission. You are to distance yourself, only intervening when there is no other option.”

You bow for the last time. “You have my word.”

Making your way to prepare supplies for your journey, you fight the urge to curse out the entire royal family throughout the halls.

Babysitting duty. I was tortured for eight fucking months. Trained to boredom by Zemin’s brother, Piandao, for one month, and some knock-off fire bending master for a week because he didn’t know how to control me, and went gallivanting across the nations to fake assassinations. Not only that but also assist them in making new lives for themselves, FOR BABYSITTING DUTY! ALL BECAUSE HIS SPOILED, SOCIOPATHIC DAUGHTER WITH AN SUPERIORITY COMPLEX ISN’T EXPERIENCED ENOUGH?!

In your silent rage, you make it back to your room trying to reason with yourself that you shouldn’t kill Azula the second you both cross the Fire Nation boarders.

A/N: so…. Did I have y’all in the first half? LMAO AHAHHA.

Also I really thought I was going to have the gaang in this one #fool (oopsies) I really didn’t think the hakoda portion would consume so much of the chapter :/ BUT!! They’re definitely in the next one

Thanks for reading though! On the bright side I’m (finally) on my mid-semester break!!! Woohoo! I’m so excited to wrap up this semester wowies (uni has been kicking my butt),, but this does mean I’ll have more time to write so you guys might get a chapter earlier than normal 😊 Anyway, as normal feel free to message me or leave a comment!

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#zuko #zuko x reader #zuko x fem!reader #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #prince zuko #prince zuko x you #prince zuko x reader #prince zuko x y/n #y/n #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #atla fanfic #aang #katara #sokka #toph #assassin #avatar fanfiction #noodles fluffy the fire nations assassin

[lizacstuff]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤯🤯😭😭😱😤😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬😭 What did you think of the episode? I always look forward to reading your thoughts.

Yep. Your emojis pretty much sum it up, don't they? LOL. I think the episode is decent in terms of quality, it was well-paced, very dramatic, the acting from Hande and Kerem was astounding, but watching it was just like constantly toggling between pain and fury, and that is not that fun.  

Part of me wants to say it was a well written episode, because it definitely made me feel and I thought it flowed well, but part of me wants to say it was terribly written because the number of contrivances and character assassinations (spoiler alert, I don’t list Serkan in that number) that had to occur to set it up is way too much. So maybe I'll settle on that the episode was well written, but the nonsense they needed to make it work was hackneyed. 

This was the first time I cursed the 2+ hour format. On shows I'm used to, if an episode is hard to take, you just have to suck it up for 42 minutes, 2+ hours was a lot of sucking it up.  My apologies in advance if I curse a LOT. I think I'm going to approach this by giving my take on each character in turn.  I'll start with the characters on the shit list and it will go from shittiest to slightly less shity.  Characters not on the shit list are down below. (spoiler alert: Serkan and Eda are safely on the NOT shit list) 

(Keep reading below the cut)

CHARACTERS ON SHIT LIST

Selin - WTF? I've thought she was a huge, pathetic turd since episode 18, and I thought she left in a disgraceful way, siccing psycho Balca on him, and it was frustrating that she never had to answer for any of her psycho moves, but this is a new level of crazy, bitter, fucked up that I could not have imagined for her. The writers really said: how can we make her the worst person ever?  Plot wise, at least they made it make sense why he would call her. The last time period he remembers, she was his girlfriend. I get it, and I think I get why they did it. As I've said before, if amnesia Serkan wakes up and finds this amazingly beautiful woman standing over him, and finds out she's his fiancé, even if he doesn't remember her it's not the worst thing in the world. They decided, I suppose, to make their journey back together that much harder and earned. They wanted him in the least receptive frame of mind when he met the amazingly beautiful woman. Enter Selin to manipulate and poison his mind. And lose any last shred of dignity she might have retained from the first time around. 

Is there anyone who didn't want to slap the shit out of her every single second she appeared on screen? I have no idea where she got the confidence this episode. The only saving grace is the bitch is going down hard.  Piril and Ferit both tried to warn her, as did Eda, but it's not going to be pretty for her. And the only thing I hope is that she actually pays some sort of price other than the utter emotional devastation and humiliation she's going to get. Frankly, I think she should be charged with kidnapping since she was hiding someone with diminished capacity that was the subject of a missing persons case. (Aydan can go down with her for not reporting it) Outside of soap operas, that is criminal. However, I doubt any of that will happen, she'll just slink off once she's found out and Serkan turns on her. 

Aydan - WTF? I don't think any of us predicted she'd be a villain this episode, and this is the first of the character assassinations that was required to make the plot work. First, her son was in a plane crash, and is recovering from severe injuries, she gets a call from Selin and she doesn't grab Eda and catch the first plane to where he is? He has amnesia and she thinks he's able to make rational, proper decisions? So she just respects his wishes not to be disturbed and leaves him with his obsessed ex-girlfriend? Who is this woman? Not Aydan. For the first 16 episodes she didn't give a damn about what Serkan wanted, she imposed her will on him and even though he resisted, she never lost him. She thinks she's going to lose him by flying to his bedside and bringing the love of his life? This makes no sense. Second, she allows devastated Eda to continue being in the AGONY of not knowing what happened to Serkan??? FUCK OFF, AYDAN. But again character assassination required to see it work. 

The one thing that's sort of in character, I think, is her hedging her bets with Selin and Eda. I've always said her acceptance of Eda was born out of self-interest. True, she saw how devastated Serkan was when they broke up and she wanted him to be happy, but mostly because she found out he was moving away from her and she thought she was losing him. She's a shrewd woman and she saw that the path to keeping him was Eda, so she got on the Eda train. I do think she genuinely cares for Eda, but if the Selin engagement lasts more than a couple days I could see her not fighting it like she should. Because where was she this episode in trying to get through to him? I get that everything happened over two short days, but she could have tried harder to talk sense into him and to probe for what Selin was feeding him. And she could have questioned Selin a whole helluva lot more. 

Piril - WTF? What is with Serkan's best friends just accepting Selin back into the fold under these circumstances? How is Piril not furious that Selin knew her good friend and business partner was alive and didn't tell her??? Selin let Piril and Engin continue to mourn him and think he was dead when he was alive, and Piril is calling her her good friend? WHAT THE FUCK? I'm not sure if this is character assassination because Piril is a bit of an odd ball, but this is assassination on just basic human reactions. Who wouldn't be furious? Who wouldn't be repulsed and incensed that she tried to move in on a brain-damaged man who had been about to marry someone else? 

Piril doesn't even need to be his best friend or to have participated in all his wedding festivities to know that's fucked up. How was Piril not screaming "BITCH YOU BE CRAZY" at her?  Like it takes Olympic level handwaving to accept Piril's conversation with Selin. Especially since she knows Selin wanted to ruin his happiness at all costs! Yes, she at least brought up the subject and very weakly said "You know we all know they are very much in love" and warned her that things might end badly, but it should have been a helluva lot stronger than that, and she should have been furious.  

Ayfer - She actually didn't do much this episode, which is the problem, because she also did very little to support Eda. TBH, I can't stand her to begin with so she makes it to this spot on the list, above people who should have been better. 

Engin - He gets a few points for telling Serkan the story and trying to bring it up again, however, he just always stopped shy from actually defending Eda or really probing for what Selin told Serkan. Again, there's a short timeline, and maybe he's planning to do it and not overwhelm Serkan, which isn't a bad thing. I just don't feel like he relayed how happy Serkan became after he met Eda. Though, to be fair, I sort of get why we didn't get really heartfelt testimonials for Eda, we want Serkan to start to fall for her again without being told to. I think they're going for a situation where Selin is the only voice in his ear, poisoning him against Eda, but even under those odds, he'll fall for her again. 

But his interactions with Serkan are not why he's on the shit list. He makes this list for just seemingly accepting Selin back and not voicing any concerns over her UTTERLY, PSYCHO, BIZARRE, eFFED UP behavior. Everything I said about Piril applies here. How is he okay that she kept the news of Serkan's survival from his best friend and business partner? Engin was the person Serkan confided in, he knows how he felt about both of those women. How is he not calling Selin out to her face?? So I don't need his friends to be in his ear telling him how much he loves Eda, but I do need them in his ear poking holes in the nonsense Selin is telling him and setting him straight on the state of their relationship when the plane went down. And I need them to be calling Selin out to her face. 

Erdem - He remains on the shitlist for gargantuan dumbassery not committed this episode.  Ferit - Ferit is low down on the shit list, but he still makes it for once again not coming down HARD on Selin. As her ex-fiancé he's in a unique position to call her out, and while he did issue her a warning, trying to soften it in terms of him not wanting her to get hurt was weak and ineffective and it feels like maybe he is still harboring feelings for her. UGH. Man, stop it! What is attractive about this bitter, manipulative psycho? Get in there and battle her on her own terms. Threaten her with the truth, push her, make her feel pushed into the corner so she gets reckless. Threaten to tell Serkan in front of her about the conversation you overheard that made you decide to leave her at the wedding table. Do something, and make it not for her own good. 

NOT SHIT LIST  Leyla - Little she could have done, in light of her relationship with one year ago Serkan, but it would be nice if at some point she gets some sort of dig in at him, "You were a better person after you met Eda."   Seyfi - It seemed like he was in the dark about Serkan being alive, Aydan must have kept it from even him, so he can be on this list. (Again Aydan would never keep it from Seyfi, so more OOC from her)

Deniz - So far he seems like a genuine, not psycho guy. He might be harboring feelings for Eda, but he didn't do anything creepy and was genuinely there for her more than almost anyone else. Did anyone catch the vibe between him and Ceren when she was leaving his shop? Ceren wasn't even mad at Ferit at that point, but there was a definite... charged moment. However this show does that from time to time, remember when Fifi seemed to have a weird tension-y moment with what's his name, Babaanne's bodyguard in one of his first episodes? That never surfaced again. 

Ceren - She was trying her best to be there for Eda. 

Melo - She was trying her best to be there for Eda. 

Sirius - Good boy! You know who your mama is. 

Serkan - Look, Serkan was a grade A asshole (you were right, Kerem) this episode. However, I have so much sympathy for him. He is a VICTIM. The man was in a plane that went down, had injuries including a traumatic brain injury, and lost the last year of his life. He appeared to be having some sort of PTSD with the nightmares. (Also thank you jebus he's sleeping on the cabin couch and that witch was going to her own home at night in Istanbul).  It's natural he called the person who he thought was his girlfriend. He was not to know that she's an evil psycho who was going to brainwash him. She is manipulating him, and I'll say it again, he is her victim. Also, I know lots of people think he was out of character and more harsh than he was in the pilot. He definitely was harsher than the pilot, but I don't think he was out of character.  In this episode, think of him as episode 3 Robot Bolat, but throw in having amnesia, experiencing trauma, being brainwashed by someone he trusts, and suffering from PTSD. 

It's a lot. He was so overwhelmed. I say episode 3 Serkan, because that's when Serkan realized he was starting to fall in love with Eda and it caused him to freak the fuck out and he was so cruel to her. He was a grade A asshole then too and we had that again, but heightened, in this episode. Sounds like he had these inklings of feelings before he even came back (he told Engin) that he didn't know what they were, but clearly they confused and frightened him, just like in episode 3. This is a man who doesn't believe in love. So to find out that he not only fell in love, but he fell so hard he became someone he doesn't recognize, I think made him recoil even faster and further, especially after Selin had brainwashed him into thinking he was manipulated into it by a bad person. So every time that Eda came near him and it affected him, whether it was physically like his heart, or that ineffable pull he felt, it made him retreat to a robotic defensive position. He didn't understand the feelings, they confused him and Selin made him fear them. Plus you add in how emotional Eda was, including the slap, and it was more than he could handle. 

It was enjoyable to watch the moments where Eda affected him, (kudos Kerem because you could see it on his face). However, those moments just pushed him into a corner, so he retreated to the place he thought was safe, which is Selin. He said it to Engin, in his retrograde amnesia mind, everything had changed but her (little does he know). It's interesting that the few flashes of Eda he had were from very early episodes. So he's not flashing to when he was fully in love with Eda, and was sure of his own heart and mind. He's flashing back to when he first started falling in love and was also scared, confused and felt out of control. And remember he's a control freak. So I'm sure that a taste of those wild, exciting, out-of-control, confusing first feelings are also fueling his current crazed state of mind. 

And that's how the events unfolded, with that state of mind. When Eda kissed him, he felt it, and it scared the crap out of him. And he said it right there in the moment, he wasn't going to let her "confuse" him, and he was going to put an end to it.  And that's what he did, try to put an end to those very confusing feelings for a person he's been told is trying to manipulate him and take advantage of him. So to make the out-of-control feelings stop, the robot malfunctioned and did the one thing he thought would get Eda to stop pushing him and shut all of it down. He proposed to the person who currently represents safety and for whom there are no confusing, wild, uncontrolled feelings. He doesn't love Selin, so there are no scary emotions attached. But did you see him when he made that speech? He was confused, and stuttering, and stumbling and looked dazed af. That's someone in acute crisis. And that shot of his face when he's hugging Selin? He looks like someone just shat on his head. Could he be more miserable?  Poor baby. 

Eda - THE REAL POOR BABY!  And the other victim in all this. Hande knocked it out of the park! She was so good. How many times did she break me this episode? A bunch. I loved that Eda was unwavering in her belief that Serkan was alive, even though everyone else had given up (except Aydan the lying sack of shit). I'm glad we know that Eda was so upset she wasn't leaving her room or eating, but I'm also glad we didn't see that. It's enough to know she started out devastated without the viewer having to wallow in it in an already upsetting episode, it was a smart move to immediately time jump 2 months. However, she wouldn't be Eda if she wasn't able to pick herself up and do what needed to be done. Which in this case was take care of Sirius, take over the firm, and keep track of the manhunt for Serkan. That's a lot on her plate, and of course she thrived. 

It was nice the whole company was behind her when she brought home the award, too bad they couldn't have backed her up like that when it came to Selin!  (pick a side, Piril!) They all need to stop acting like it's normal what Selin did! It's not normal!!!! Stop normalizing it and her! It felt like Eda was being gaslit at times, like none of the people Serkan remembered cared that Selin had obviously been preying on someone sick and injured and with diminished mental capacity. Why were they all like that!?!?!  I know, because if they’d reacted like a normal person would, Selin couldn’t have continued the charade. 

I was wondering how their first meeting would go down and Eda fainting seems entirely appropriate. And of course, he caught her without even knowing it's his job, “If you fall, I’ll catch you.”  *sob*  Eda pulling out the old classics to get him to remember was the best. Even through the pain and fury, I thoroughly enjoyed many of those moments. I, along with everyone, was thrilled to see the handcuffs back. Good move, Eda! And they fell right back into bickering and bantering. Though I think they should have taken his car, because all their memories are driving together in that car.

Bless her heart, she was doing everything to jog his memory, and I applaud that. But on one hand I think maybe she made a critical error in being so emotional (not that she could help it) because he was really freaked out by her, and I know she had been put through the wringer and Serkan not remembering her was the blow to end all blows, but she sort of lost it during that first meeting. And he was so overwhelmed that of course he shut all the way down. The truth is it's not his fault he had amnesia, he's a victim. She's totally entitled to those feelings, and the anger at him and the situation and the universe, but in trying to get through to him the heightened emotion might have been a critical error, because he just wasn't receptive to listening to her after that. On the other hand, that's how their relationship has been from the start. She's emotional and spontaneous and fiery and he navigates it. So one might hope it would spark something that he would remember. 

Same thing goes for the confrontation at his house.  He was such a dick, and she broke my heart, but she was so overwrought that I don't think Serkan of a year ago, who has now been traumatized and manipulated, could handle it and it caused him to become the worst version of himself. Again I don't fault Eda, most of us would have collapsed due to the sheer weight of what she'd been through, but her approach, coming in hot, did fuel the situation and I can see how Serkan got to that emotional place. 

At least they gave me one thing I asked for! The password. Serkan, maybe stop saying it's something you would never do, when you demonstrably did it. You bought her a star and then the coordinates were your password.  At some point your brain needs to put two and two together here. But actually I want him to check and see that he really did name a star after her. Her stealthily leaving so she didn't have to give it to him, and thus not be able to change the password, was great.

As for the last scene, girlfriend was looking FIIIIINE when she walked in that restaurant and boyfriend was having to command himself to stop looking at her. The kiss was a big swing, but she had to try and I'm sure we all wanted to hug her when he malfunctioned and did a crazy thing out of sheer panic. 

We, along with Eda, were put through the wringer this episode, but we survived and it can't get worse... okay nevermind, I'm not going to say that. Instead I'll just say, it WILL GET BETTER. There will be a reward for this pain. It's coming. We will see his awakening feelings in the next episode, I know it! Just hang on! 

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen cal kapimi #edser #serkan bolat #eda yildiz #sckask #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #sck 1x29 #asklizac #anonymous #Anonymous

[chenoehi]

Tdlr; HNY timeline makes Hisui roughly 5 if the twins are born in 2005 (HNY starting in 2019) or 6 years old if HNY starts in 2020. He should look older than 2-3 in episode 15. Hisui being younger than 5 cannot make sense with the post-FA & HNY timeline.

UPDATE: so I was assuming Yashahime starts in 2020, just bear that in mind. The manga starts in 1996, so Hisui would have been born in 2000. If HNY starts in 2019, the twins were born in 2005 and Hisui would be 5. If HNY starts in 2020, twins would have been born in 2006 and Hisui would have been 6. I mixed it up and thought that the year difference was a manga versus anime thing but it’s just because we don’t know if HNY started in 2019 or 2020, so I’ve updated the post.

Hisui continues to be a major sticking point. He has been used as a yardstick since day one to judge how old Rin could have been when the twins were born (whether to prove she was the mom or to disprove it). Most of the claims about Rin’s age at the twins birth that place her at a younger age (talking 12 or 13) are primarily being bolstered right now by how young Hisui appears in episode 15. Mind you, we still do not know exactly how old Hisui is in present day, which, on the surface, makes determining his age in episode 15 even harder because of animation reasons.

Sucky Sunrise animation aside, here are the facts:

Riku says Hosenki II gave Inuyasha the black pearl 18 years ago. We can debate Riku’s credibility as a narrator because he can’t be trusted, but we know parts are true because of 1. Izayoi’s rouge existing, 2. Moroha’s dream that Takechiyo witnessed via the Dream Gazing Spell incident, 3. Moroha’s being raised/cared for by Koga’s wolf tribe, and 4. Riku’s accurate knowledge of what happened to the twins, the forest, etc.

Hisui was born just before Kagome reappeared in the Sengoku period, Root Head attacked 6 months later, and Hosenki II shows up a month later; so Hisui was roughly 7 months old then.

Even without knowing how many months exactly it was over 18 years (we can assume the story didn’t take place exactly 18 years prior to the date), Hisui would still have to be 7 months old because of the post Final Act timeline. The only debatable thing now is how old he is in present time (with an exact number of months known). The twins are something just over 14 years old (exact number of months unknown). So there is a roughly 4 year gap between Hisui being 7 months old when Hosenki II appeared 18 years ago and when the twins were born 14 years ago. That would have to make Hisui AT LEAST 4 years and 7 months old when the twins are born, assuming that the twins were born in 2005 and that HNY’s events start in 2019. 4 years and 7 months old at the bare minimum, no younger. Realistically, he’s probably close to 5 years old with it being an unknown number of months (anything over 18 years exactly) since Hosenki II appeared plus however many days, weeks passed from the time he was born to the time Kagome reappeared in the Sengoku period. We can simplify things and say he was around/close to 5 years old when the twins were born.

Does Hisui look 5 years old in episode 15? No. But that’s how old he should be. It would make him 19 years old to the twins’ and Moroha’s ago of 14 years old. This still aligns with what the VAs have said about him being a little older than the girls without making him too much older as to make his youthful appearance unbelievable.

Hisui was always supposed to be older than the twins. Does he look much older? Not really. IMO it’s mainly because he’s short. If he was taller we’d probably think he looks his age. We could argue about his hair going from light brown in FA to dark brown in HNY but I don’t see people getting up in arms over that oddity. It’s almost in the same class as Moroha having gray hair as a baby. At this point with the animation, you shouldn’t have a hard time suspending your disbelief and accepting that characters look younger than they are.

For Rin, I’ll simplify things for now until my next post. If she was 8 in 1996 and 12 in 2000 (when Hisui is born), then she’d be about 17 when her twins are born in 2005, or 18 if they were born in 2006. If we knew exactly how old she was in 2000 then by all rights we could know how old she was at the twin’s birth. If we at least knew how old she was at the start or by the end of the OG series then we’d still be able to work it out with some basic math skills and time on our hands (I’ll talk about that in my next post).

HNY starting in 2019 makes sense if we’re trying to prove Riku’s story, but for other reasons there would be a 1 year gap in the timeline if HNY starts in 2020.

Hisui could be either 5 or 6 when the twins are born and Rin could be anywhere from 16 to 19 with her possible age range in 1996 being 7-9 and her twins being born in either 2005 or 2006. For Rin to be 16, she would have had to be 7 in 1996 and HNY would have to take place in 2019. For Rin to be 17, she would have had to be 8 in 1996 and HNY would have to take place in 2019, or she could have been 7 in 1996 with HNY starting in 2020. For Rin to be 18, she would have had to be 8 in 1996 and HNY would have to take place in 2020, or she could have been 9 in 1996 with HNY starting in 2019. For Rin to be 19, she would have had to be 9 in 1996 and HNY would have to take place in 2020. Realistically, Rin was more likely 7 or 8 in the OG show, which means she was 16-18 when she had her twins. Personally, I always thought she was 8, so I think she was 17 or 18.

I don’t know why the HNY timeline would be off one year if it starts in 2020. I don’t know if that’s on purpose and we’re missing something. Will it have something to do with Riku being an unreliable narrator? Possibly. Could it be Sunrise fucking shit up? Maybe so.

At any rate, right now everything points to Hisui being about 5 or 6 years old give or take some months, but absolutely no younger than 4 years and 7 months old when the twins are born or 5 years and 7 months old.

#yashahime #yashahime princess half demon #princess half demon #hanyo no yashahime #hanyou no yashahime #hanyo #yashahime spoilers #hisui #setsuna #towa #moroha #rin #rin inuyasha #hny #inuyasha #not bts #anime

[behappyitsemmalie]

Sweet Child of Mine - John B x Reader

Requested: YES! ‘Would you mind writing a pregnancy scare with John B?’

@massholeabroad - this is for you boo! Hope I did your prompt justice! Sorry this took 700 years to write lol

I am nothing if not a slut for pregnancy fics😏 This is also my first John B fic so yay! And we all know John B would be the sweetest little bean during a pregnancy scare. 

A/N: This takes place in a universe where Big John still went missing but the gold hunt never happened and DCS didn't know John B was living alone! 

You were nervous. Your leg was bouncing uncontrollably as you sat in the front seat of your car, hands anxiously clutching the steering wheel. The car was parked in front of the Chateau, early morning sun beaming in through the trees. You weren't exactly sure how long you had been sitting outside at this point, instead of going inside the house and talking to your boyfriend like you came here to do. There wasn't much time. The rest of the Pogues were supposed to come over to take the boat out later and you knew it wouldn't be unlike them to show up early, particularly JJ. So finally, with one last deep breath, you got out of the car and made your way across the yard and up the front porch steps. 

As soon as you stepped into the house, you saw him. John B, your boyfriend of over a year and friend of nearly 10 years, standing there in the living room. There was a beer in his hand, despite it being only 11AM, and he was shirtless as he liked to be. He looked up as he heard the rickety front door open and shut and grinned at you, not yet noticing the nervous smile you wore on your face. 

“Hey babe, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming later with everyone else?” he asked, coming over to you and pressing a kiss to your lips. He was a good boyfriend, the best actually. And due to being friends for the majority of your lives, he knew you inside and out. So it didn't take him more than a few seconds to realize you weren't your normal, cheerful self. You were tangling your fingers around each other aimlessly, a nervous tick of yours. And your smile had all but disappeared entirely, now replaced with nervous furrowed brows and pursed lips. “What’s wrong?” he asked, placing his beer down on the tiny end table next to the couch and letting his hands grasp lightly at your shoulders. 

“I just- um, I have to talk to you about something. Something that’s- its, um- important,” you stuttered. 

John B was a bit taken back at how nervous you seemed. The two of you had been dating too long, friends too long to be nervous around each other. It wasn't like you to be nervous at all, especially with John B. 

“Is it serious?” he asked. 

Your mind was racing. 

‘If you count the fact that there may be a tiny human growing inside of me right now as serious, then yeah it’s very serious.’ 

“Whatever it is, you know you can tell me,” he continued. 

‘I may be fucking pregnant with your kid.’ 

“You just have to tell me what it is.” 

You studied John B’s caring face, seeing nothing but the genuine kindness that always seemed to live in his eyes. He was gentle and attentive and loving. You didn't think it was going to be this hard to tell him that you were late on your period and you weren't sure what that meant. You had thought about just taking a test by yourself and only telling him if the test was positive. No need to worry him over nothing right? But you felt sick to your stomach thinking about taking the test by yourself. You needed John B. 

But you truly didn't think it would be this hard to just tell him. 

You broke out of his gentle hands holding onto your shoulders and slumped down on the couch. He followed you, taking a careful seat next to you. He started talking, rambling like he does when he’s anxious. You tuned him out, closing your eyes and gathering up every inch of strength you had inside of you to just say the damn words. Once the words came out, this whole thing could just move faster. 

You knew John B was in the middle of saying something, but you didn't care. “I’m pregnant,” you blurted out without thinking. The words came out like vomit, no prior planning seemed to be put into them at all. You looked up at your boyfriend who looked like he could fall out of his seat any second. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry I don't know why I said that,” you sighed, burying you face in your hands. “I might be pregnant. Might! I just- I've been sick lately and I was supposed to start my period last week and I haven't yet. And you know we’re not always the best with condoms!” 

John B knew he didn't have any space to argue on that last point. You guys weren't the best at it. Especially after a boneyard party when you two were drunk and horny and were so painfully aware of how in love you two were. It wasn't rare for you two to forget (or just ignore) a condom. And he knew you hadn't been feeling great lately, actually seeing you throw up stomach contents a couple days ago. So unfortunately, it did all kind of add up. 

The boy seemed stuck, like someone pressed pause on his life. His eyes were trained on you, probably waiting for you to tell him it was all a joke. But he could tell by your expression that you weren't kidding. 

“Ok. Ok... ok,” he kept repeating. You swore if he said that word one more time, you would hit him. “What do we do?” 

It actually comforted you to see him be as clueless about all of this as you were. It gave you some peace of mind that you weren't just dumb or naive. This was a scary, baffling situation that you weren't really supposed to know how to navigate at 16 years old. 

“I have to take a test,” you answered. 

“You haven't taken a test yet?” he asked, his tone more hopeful rather than angry. 

“I didn't want to take it alone.” Your voice was lower than you had ever heard it. It sounded too small for someone who might be a mother soon. John B reached his hand up and cupped your cheek, letting his fingers tangle in your hair. You leaned into it, craving that kind warmth more than anything. 

“You’re not taking it alone,” he grinned. 

He got up off the couch, extending his hand out for you to grab it. With no hesitation you grabbed it, weaving your fingers in with his. You made a move towards the front door, eager to get this over with, particularly before your nosy friends came over. John B tugged on your hand, pulling you back in front of him. His face looked so soft, you didn't even know how to interpret it. He pushed a strand of rogue hair behind your ear and smiled. 

“Everything’s going to be ok. You know that right?” he told you. You were almost inclined to believe him. He seemed so damn sure. But you knew he had no way of knowing how everything would turn out. No one did. Not until you found out if you were actually pregnant. 

“Let’s just take the test,” you smiled. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before telling you to grab the van keys from the kitchen while he throws on his shoes and a shirt. 

Part of you wanted to ask if you two could jump on a ferry and head to the mainland to get a test. Outer Banks was small. Most people knew each other. Anyone who knew you and John B could be at the tiny convenience store on the Cut. They could easily see what you were buying and make any number of assumptions, and before you knew it the whole island would know your business. But you knew there was no time to go all the way there and back. 

Because John B is John B and he could easily see how nervous you were as he pulled the van up in of the store, he offered to go in while you wait in the car. With a kiss to your temple, he got out of the van, jogging up to the store and disappearing inside. You sat in the car, the radio playing a soft song you didn't know but liked. You couldn't be a mom. You had no idea how. It’s not like you had a great example. Your mom wasn't much older than you when she got pregnant. She had spent the whole summer with some tourist visiting the island with his family. By the time she found out she was pregnant, he was gone. So it had always just been you and her. She wasn't exactly shy about letting you know that if she never had you, she could've gone to college and gotten out of the Outer Banks and made something of herself. Living your whole life knowing your own mother resented you for something you had zero control over, pretty much just being born, was not the life you wanted for yourself or your child. 

You were the middle of being completely disappointed in yourself for somehow following in your mother’s footsteps when you saw John B exit the store. You had John B, not some idiot touron from the mainland. So maybe you weren't in her exact footsteps. 

Your boyfriend climbed into the van, handing you the bag he was holding. 

“Did you know there are like 10 different brands of pregnancy tests?” he laughed. The laugh was strained, like he didn't really think it was funny but he didn't quite know what emotion to tie to all of this. 

You smiled back at him as he started the car. “Thank you. For going in,” you grinned, reaching over to grab his hand. As he pulled your clasped hands up to his lips to press a kiss to yours, you weren’t really sure how you got so lucky. 

The ride back to the Chateau was just as quiet as the ride to the store was. You leaned your head back against the seat. It was a warm day. You enjoyed the cool breeze that ran threw your hair as it came in through the van’s open windows. John B was still holding onto your hand, his thumb rubbing against the back of your hand to calm you. That always worked before, so why not now? You hadn't even realized you had arrived at the familiar house until you felt John B’s hand leave yours so he could take the car keys out of the ignition. The bag in your lap felt heavy, like it held your future in it. It kind of did in a way. Your entire future from this moment forward was going to be decided by the tiny stick in this bag. 

“You ready?” John B asked. You just nodded, opened the door and stepped out of the van, clutching that stupid brown bag in your hands. 

Once in the house, you threw your backpack onto the couch and discarded your shoes, wanting any excuse to stall. John B grabbed your hand and led you to the bathroom. You took the taunting box out of the bag and set it on the counter. You just stared at it. You were quiet. So was John B. Everything in this moment seemed to stand still. 

“I’m going to wait right outside, ok? Just take it when you’re ready,” John B said, kissing your head and backing out the room. The two of you made eye contact in the mirror as he was closing the door, the grin on his face enough to make you smile back. 

Somehow he was so calm. It was a little unlike him. He could be anxious, get flustered under pressure. You couldn't think of anything that would be more pressure than your girlfriend maybe being pregnant with your kid while you’re both still in high school. It concerned you a bit how level-headed he seemed today. But you wouldn't question it too much. You need this strong reassurance that he was giving you. It was the only thing making it possible for you to break open the test box and spill its contents out onto the bathroom counter. You must have read the instructions over 20 times before sitting on the toilet and actually doing it. 

When you were done, you set the test on the counter and washed your hands. Your reflection in the mirror seemed to tease you, looking nothing like a mom. But then again, how did you even know what a mom looked like? A good mom at least. Kie had a good mom. Pope did too. But you weren't like them. John B would probably be a good dad, you thought to yourself. Suddenly remembering John B was outside waiting for you, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and set the timer to 3 minutes, just like the instructions said to do. You opened the door and saw your boyfriend sitting down leaning against the wall next to the bathroom, running a hand through his floppy hair. 

He looked up at you, eyes wide and curious. “So? What happened?” he asked.

“We have to wait 3 minutes,” you answered simply, showing him your phone as the timer ticked down. You sunk down to the floor to sit next to John B and quickly felt his arm be thrown around your shoulders, pulling you in close to him. Your head dropped to his shoulder. “What are we going to do? If it’s positive?”

“Then we’ll figure it out,” he answered, no hesitation in his voice. There was a pause, you not sure what else to say and John B focused on twisting the ends of your hair in his fingers. “You know I was thinking,” he started speaking, now with a slightly nervous twist in his voice, “we could put the baby in my dad’s old room. We could clean it out and everything.” You looked up at your boyfriend. He never even discussed cleaning out his dad’s room, even though the man had been missing for almost 6 months now. But now he sounded so nonchalant about it, like putting a baby in there was the obvious choice. 

“Really?” you asked carefully. 

“Yeah. Me and the guys could build a crib and we could put it right in the middle of the room. I'm sure Kie could paint some stuff for the wall. Make it look nice. And I could build a book shelf that can hold 100 books! And then the baby can grow up and be as smart as Pope,” he grinned. You giggled a bit, admiring the way he seemed to put so much thought into this. 

It suddenly became so clear to you that you were not alone in this. If the test was positive, if there was a human life inside of you at this moment, you didn't have to raise him or her all by yourself. John B was here, grinning like a dope while describing how great a Chateau nursery could be. The pogues would help. Surely they would want to have a hand in raising the next generation of pogues. 

Pope could teach the kid all kinds of facts and all kinds of marvelous things you didn't even know about. Kie could teach them all about the planet and they could help sea turtles hatch on the beach together. JJ would surely teach them how to surf so they could learn from the best there is. 

“You don't think JJ would throw a fit not having that room to bring his hookups into anymore?” you asked, joking of course. 

“I think Uncle JJ will get over it,” John B laughed. 

“Uncle JJ!” you repeated, laughing along with your boyfriend. The laughter died down after a minute and you leaned deeper into your boyfriend. There was no way in hell you could have done this alone. John B lifted his head, kissing the top of your hair and letting his lips rest there as you two sunk into a comfortable silence. 

Soon your phone went off. Three minutes had come and gone. The test would be ready and you would know once and for all if you were going to be a mom. 

“Hey,” John B whispered, getting your attention. “I’m not going anywhere you know. If the test is positive, then I'm not going anywhere. I love you. And that’s our baby. Ok?” 

You didn't really have words that you felt would describe how grateful you were to have him in your life or how much it meant to you that he was so calm and helpful today because you were scared shitless. No words seemed good enough because you were so damn thankful you had him. So you just nodded, leaned forward, and kissed him. It was soft and sweet and quick. But it was all you could muster up. 

The two of you got up from your spot on the floor and stepped gingerly into the bathroom. Neither of you made a move to grab the test as it sat on the counter. You didn't know if you could wait too long after the 3 minutes. Maybe the results would fade away and your would have to take it all over again. The thought of doing all of this again made you want to vomit, so you quickly reached for the test, eyes trained on the little digital results screen. There was one line. One little pink line across the screen and you had no idea what that meant. All the time spent reading the directions paper over and over seemed to be a waste at this moment. Without letting your eyes drift from the screen, your hand repeatedly smacked John B’s shoulder. 

“There’s one line. What does one line mean?” you asked in a frantic voice. 

“Uh, how do I know?” he asked in an equally frantic voice. It was the voice you expected him to be speaking in all day. Finally it came out at the finish line here. 

“Check the box!” 

John B rushed around you, picking up the box and the instruction paper you had discarded across the counter earlier. His eyes shifted between the two objects looking for an answer to the life changing question. Surely he couldn't be reading anything properly like that. Impatient, you grabbed the instruction paper out of his hand, still holding the stick firmly in your right hand. John B was left with the empty box, his eyes scanning it wildly. 

“Oh! Hey ok, two lines is-” John B started, his voice more frantic than you had ever heard it. 

“It’s one line!” you interrupted, not caring at all what two lines meant. 

There was a pause as it seemed like John B was trying to focus on the box, making sure he wasn't imagining things. 

“Negative,” he whispered almost too low for you to hear. 

“Negative? I'm not pregnant?” you asked. John B shook his head. Both of your faces suddenly grew smiles a mile long, now knowing you were not about to be teen parents with no fucking idea what you were doing. “I’m not pregnant!” 

Both of you threw the objects in your hands on the counter and you threw your arms around John B’s neck. He lifted you up, hugging you tight around the torso as you wrapped your legs around him. Your lips met with a crazed passion that can only come with realizing you dodged a bullet. John B shifted, placing you up on top of the bathroom counter, moving to stand in between your legs. The kiss continued for a minute, threatening to deepen, which seemed counterproductive to the achievement you were celebrating. You pulled apart, your smile quaint but with your face sunken a bit. 

“What?” John B asked, noticing your smile not as bright as it was when you read the results of the test. 

“Nothing,” you lied. Well, not lied, but it was a stupid thing to have disappointment pinging in your chest in a moment like this. “I mean, don't get me wrong I’m not exactly disappointed I don't get to be a 16 year old mother. But, I don't know, it was all kind of nice to think about. You and me and a baby. And it’s own little room here and all the pogues helping out. It was nice,” you admitted. 

“I know it was,” John B cooed. He could admit, he felt the same weird ping of disappointment rattling around inside of him. There was no way he was ready to be a dad. He could barely take care of himself. But his mind had already started piecing together all the ways they could make it work. And now it felt like his heart was taking a bit of a hit, knowing there wouldn't be a little baby around that had your eyes and your smile and your laugh. “But one day. One day we’ll have that.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. When you birth all of my children,” he claimed, with that cheeky grin twisting his lips up. 

“Oh? I’m birthing all your children? Really?” you laughed. 

“Oh yeah. No doubt about it.” 

You cupped his cheeks and smiled into another kiss. You loved him. You loved each other. And today wasn't the day for you two to have a baby and thank god for that because as much as it was a cute thought, you knew having a baby right now would be a total shit show. But at some point, there would be a hand built crib in the room across the way from John B’s and there would be a baby. A pogue baby with John B’s freckles and the same floppy, golden hair. 

“One day?” John B asked as you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. 

“Ok. Deal.” 

#outer banks #outer banks netflix #obx #john b routledge #John B x reader #John B imagine #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks imagine #obx imagine #John B Rutledge #John B fanfiction #John B fiction #chase stokes

[down-in-dixie]

pick some numbers, hmmmmmm........: evens :P and my 60 question is what was your fav show as a kid verses now?

GET TO KNOW ME, PICK SOME NUMBERS.

2. What would you name your future kids?

I have no idea. I've never wanted kids so I've never really thought about what I would name them.

4. What are you looking forward to?

Cold weather and the end of COVID.

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Generally speaking, not really. I usually move on fairly quickly. But I would say that it depends on the person, how long we've known each other / been together, the type of relationship / situation, etc.

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

No, but I have sworn a lot because of it. I tend to have a pretty bad mouth when I'm annoyed/frustrated, angry or in pain. lol

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. It depends on the type of feelings.

12. Has already been answered.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Yesterday.

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Oh, yes. There have been many times where I've wanted to give someone a piece of my mind, but decided to keep my mouth shut because I realized that it wouldn't do any good and would most likely just cause a shit load of drama, which I had no desire to be apart of.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Considering how crazy and fucked up things were a year ago, no I can't say that I do. In fact, I wish that it had never happened.

20. What is your favourite song at the moment?

I've been listening to a lot of songs lately, I'm not sure that I can really choose a favorite.

22. Description of crush.

There is no crush.

24. Height

I'm 5'8 (172.72 cm)

26. Idol(s)

There's so many...

28. I'll love you if...

You treat me right.

30. Favorite TV shows(s)

I have a lot of them.. Just look through my blog and you'll find out. lol

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

I don't really have friends in my every day life anymore, I'm basically a loner now, but if you're counting online friends then they're mostly women. lol

34. Most embarrassing moment.

I'll just say that it involved my period when I was in middle school and leave it at that.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

- Become rich.

- Travel around the world

- Move to a different country.

38. Favorite comedian(s)

I don't have one. I don't really watch comedy shows.

40. Favorite memory.

Becoming an adult.

42. Favorite books(s).

There's a very long list..

44. Age you get mistaken for.

Most people usually say that I look about 27. ( I'm in my 30's )

46. What my last text message says.

I don't text. If I have to use a phone I'd rather just call.

48. Turn offs.

Smoking, excessive drinking / being drunk / any kind of problems involving alcohol, poor hygiene, a shitty personality / assholish behavior in general.. Just to name a few.

50. Favourite picture of your idol

...

52. Something I'm talented at.

Being sarcastic. :P

But on a more serious note, I suppose I'm fairly talented at drawing. People tell me that I'm pretty good at it anyway, so take that as you will.

54. Something thats worrying me at the moment.

I'm currently worry free.

56. Favourite food(s).

Anything that tastes good. I love most food in general so...

58. Description of my best friend.

As corny as it may be I suppose my parents are my best friends now.

60. What was your fav show as a kid verses now?

Aside from the cartoons, there were a lot of shows that I enjoyed watching as a kid like Xena: Warrior Princess, The X-Files, JAG, Living Single, The Golden Girls, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Boy Meets World, Frasier, The Nanny, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Charmed, The Secret World of Alex Mack, Party of Five, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Star Trek.. And they're just the ones off the top of my head. lol And I still enjoy a lot of these shows now that I'm an adult.

As for the shows that I enjoy now, well, you already know the answer to that.

#wearebraveyourhighness #answered asks