#i'm very understanding of people's life circumstances and am ok with people not having age in their bio so long as they can dm me

[thehumanversionofthishellsite]

may or may not have stayed up all night reading this book as soon as I could get my hands on it but anyway I have some thoughts and most of them are screaming.

I really loved the book. Did it have flaws? Yes. Do I care? No. I'm 22, the targeted age range is something like 10-16. When I first got into this series I was the same age as nico. It's been a long journey getting older and changing and healing. Seeing that for Nico was all I really wanted from this book.

Also, realistic relationship struggles and growth!! Loved that!! Having a chronic illness is hard, your partner watching you suffer with it is also hard for them!! Having conversations and misunderstandings and awkward moments is how it goes!! After being in a 3 year relationship with someone I love very much I'm like,,, yes!! Thank you!! I have lifelong chronic illness!! It's not going away I gotta learn to live with it it's a part of me!! My partner struggles with it but is trying so hard and I love them so much!!! But I'm so much more than a pile of suffering and that's the point!!! You choose to keep trying and that's the point the book makes!! there's a whole scene about it and it's so important!!! Will starts to be more accepting and understanding and we love to see it! Nico accepts he needs to let himself move on and that it's ok to do that and not be angry with your past self for trying to stay alive!!

I make no sense and I don't care. But also, they're cringey and memey and dumb. They're hysterical and going a little bit crazy and they love each other and like, I'm not ok. Neither are they. Its been an extremely stressful week for them.

And I don't think it's super out of character because we barely know these people!! Nico has been suffering and in survival mode almost the whole time we have known him!! Will has been a background character most of the time!! Nico was a bubbly 10 year old and Will was like 4 sentences. Nico has made occasional/awkward/dark jokes and Will was shown to be stubborn and concerned and caring because demigods are ridiculously hard to keep alive. Let them be weird and cringey they're literal teenagers. Have you been in a high school with people obnoxiously dating. They are. The worst.

Broke: camp is empty because people wanna see their families

Woke: camp is empty because will and nico are just that couple who are cringe 100% of the time and everyone just noped out

I know I keep getting sidetracked but. Point is. nico and will seem out of character because of circumstances and time skips probably. Nicos finally in a stable place and can actually process things, mans is curious about the world he's in no wonder he's a memelord the internet just does that to you. People change when they're not in survival mode, I definitely am not the same person I was when I was 16. Not even the same person I was when I was 18. Or 20. Like, mental health glow ups bring out some of the best parts of you.

AND THANK YOU PIPER I FEEL SO SEEN RN, don't know what label I fit under, I am confusion but it's ok!! I am a big ole ace spectrum mess and maybe tomorrow it'll be different! Either way the book had a lot of great moments and no it's not the same as old rr books but it was never gonna be, the nostalgia associated with the original pjo series means nothing will ever live up to those books and that's kind of just life for some of yall. fuck knows I crave the joy I felt playing crash bandicoot for the first time. I miss that time of my life and it's ok to miss that but it's also ok to move forward and find new things that bring life joy and meaning!!

anyway. I enjoyed the sun and the star and I will continue to enjoy it regardless of what other people think, I can like things just because I do, or just because they make me happy. And this book definitely made me happy. Also holy fuck I need some sleep. Sorry about all the exclamation points it's all that's keeping me awake!!

#tsats spoilers #the sun and the star spoilers #solangelo spoilers #nico and will #damn #im tired #solangelo

[anruraiocht]

Abatina and carnation

botanical headcanons (no longer accepting)

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   ( due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .) , or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?

ABATINA: THE EVER LOOMING SHADOW OF LEIF FARIS CLAUS

Smiles thinly.

Look. Look. I'm sorry for the feminism loss as well, but it is so hard to talk about Miranda without talking about Leif. Ten years of projecting all of your issues on a guy will do that to you.

When we first meet Miranda, she seems entirely adamant that she blames Leif for everything that has happened to her. The little blame game she tries to play is extremely emotionally driven (literally what was Leif, age 2, supposed to do girl) and falls apart under scrutiny.

like ok. let's walk through this for a second.

"it's leif's fault" > finn is the one who brought him there > finn only brought him because leonster fell > leonster fell because thracia attacked and ulster didn't step in until the end > (dominoes) (THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF NORTHERN THRACIA VS SOUTHERN THRACIA THAT BROUGHT US TO US POINT)

So. Obviously through the events of FE5 and experiencing the war firsthand, Miranda's opinion on Leif changes. She already knows, deep down, that it isn't actually Leif's fault, but it isn't until she is forced to contend with the reality of the situation that she is able to admit it.

carnation :   what is your muse’s relationship with their gender ? how do they express or not express this relationship ?

CARNATION: JUGDRALI MISOGYNY HITS DIFFERENT

(it gets long here)

Okay so let's get one thing straight: if Miranda was a man, she would be dead. Full stop. When you're taking over a kingdom, the last thing you want is to leave a male heir alive. A male heir, left alive, can eventually take back their kingdom and become king, but a female heir cannot. She, however, can be used as a hostage. And she is! For ~ten years! Before we even learn her name, Miranda's agency is stolen from her.

The moment Miranda gets agency (and her kingdom) back, her advisors tell her that she needs to marry Leif to tie Ulster to Leonster. It's no secret that the Munster District is doing. Uh. Bad. As in, Miranda and Leif are the only heirs left alive by the end of Thracia 776. It makes sense, strategically, to have the only two heirs left alive get married and merge their kingdoms and both of them understand this. Doesn't mean they have to like it, though!

Leif: "...And Ulster was successfully liberated by Lord Seliph, so the people should be happy that their princess was safe.”

Miranda: “Well, yes, but… The people want more than that. My advisors are urging me to marry you so that we can unite with Leonster. They think they can just tell me what to do because I’m a girl…” Leif: “Well, you and I are the only heirs that survived this turmoil. What your advisors are saying only makes sense. But I’m not sure…”

We're not gonna get into Leif's little unhinged moment that happens right after this btw. The important part here is that Miranda is frustrated. Obviously. Miranda has been living in the basement of a Loptr monastery for a year and it's not enough that she made it back alive. Well, yes, your highness, it's all well and good that you survived, but there's not much you can do for us as a princess... would you mind getting married? As soon as possible? To the guy you've projected all of your problems and issues on for the last decade? Thanks!

Jesus fucking Christ!!!!!!!!

When they pulled this line for one of Miranda's skill activation quotes in FEH (albeit shortened from 女だと思ってバカにしてるわ to 女だと思って…！), it has been translated as:

I am a girl, not a fool!

Which I think is very evocative of the way Miranda thinks of herself. She does not resent existing as a girl, but she does resent the way she is looked down upon for being a girl.

And while we're on the topic of how Miranda talks (the most inelegant segue in the world)...!

It's not as noticeable in English, nor is it especially noticeable when you first meet her and she's hissing and spitting at Leif, but Miranda uses feminine speech (女性語) when she speaks! This is a style of speaking in Japanese that is considered "ladylike" and formal, using more polite terms. Traditionally speaking, it's a style of speech associated with upper class ladies.

This is more noticeable in her Conomor recruitment dialogue...

コノモール もうおやめなさい！ ... それなのに あなたは何をしているの！

As well as her conversation with Leif in the last chapter...

リーフ王子 少しいいかしら ... 私・・・ あなたに謝らなければ ならないことがあるわ

I've bolded the relevant parts here. Miranda affixes the polite o- prefix to yamenasai and ends some of her sentences with the more traditionally feminine ending particles of no, wa, and kashira.

It's... a little hard to explain in English but the way she speaks is very princess-like haha.

There is also the Genderisms of Miranda's promoted class: Mage Knight. In FE4, Mage Knight is a male only class (as a promotion for Azelle and Arthur + enemy units). In FE5, we get our first female Mage Knights through Olwen and Miranda, but the rest of the Mage Knights in the game are male. We can say that Olwen is following in her brother Reinhardt's footsteps, but Miranda doesn't have that same connection. Would she be better served as a sage, considering her 70% magic growth and fucking 5% strength growth? Absolutely! However, she saw that sages get staff access and said oh no thank you. i'm here to kill and maim.

And she deserves it.

That last part isn't exactly related to genderisms (or is it? Every other girl capable of wielding magic in FE5 besides Miranda and Olwen gets staff access... :thonking: ) I just think it's very funny characterization through gameplay. her ass is NOT healing.

tl;dr: Miranda is a character that is defined by her status as a princess and as a girl.

#👑 hc/meta #//think a lot about miranda's promoted class being so strongly associated with friege. but those are thoughts for another day #//if i've been chipping at this for a year. don't worry about it. #//is this coherent? who knows

[child-in-her-eyes]

i'm very behind in life, in the sense that i haven't done or accomplished the things people my age are supposed to have. and for all people say everyone has their own time, and that these rules are mostly meaningless, they don't really act like it. i'm embarrassed of how far behind i am because people make it very clear that it's an anomaly, one that tells them i'm a failure.

even when i talked about this once on my other blog someone sent me a (well meaning) message of comfort saying that, since they assumed i was in my early to mid 20s at most (bc i'm in university), i'm actually quite young and shouldn't worry about any of this -- but i'm not in my early 20s, and that gutted me. i'm past even the acceptable age to be a little behind.

i try to be forgiving of myself and account for certain circumstances, but the truth is that this is mostly due to my personality. of course i would've thrived in a different situation, but many others would've still been able to succeed in mine. the fact is that i'm not the kind of person who bravely walks away, who can not only stand but rise above adversity.

and i think that's easier to accept and live with than just saying it's my circumstances. maybe i'm not strong enough, maybe there are things wrong with me regardless of my family/home life. i'm an adult who hasn't even learned how to live, and there are teenagers out there better at this than i am. it feels good to acknowledge and accept that about myself, and just do the best i can with what i have. i mean, it's still scary and embarrassing, but i can own up to that -- there are certain things about me that make it difficult to do things normal people do, even small ones that most take for granted.

it's hard to explain sometimes. i don't have a cognitive deficiency, but i'm still incapable of even simple tasks. i'm often too far away to be able to do things that require my mental presence. sometimes things stress me out and i can't even choose to persist or give up, it's like my body chooses for me. people ask me why i don't do this one thing i need to do, and i can't explain. it's frustrating and exhausting, and there are stretches of time when things seem like they're working out but i eventually start failing again.

and understanding this about myself, accepting it as part of who i am (and there are things i can improve, but i don't think i can just "fix" it) is freeing. i don't have to keep trying to be normal, i just have to keep trying to live with it, and manage it as best as i can, and improve however i can, knowing sometimes i'll take some steps back. like, ok. that's me, and i can't just leave myself behind. so it's a matter of managing things, not fixing them. which sounds easier and doable.

#it makes me sad but it's a lighter load than ''i have to fix myself'' #* #personal

[anon-1863727]

dear fake autism assholes:

erasing the parts of ASD that make it difficult to live with so that it's cute and quirky for the internet isn't "acceptance" or "education" it's just calling us retarded in a different typeface. it is a disability. it is a disorder. by saying that those things are "offensive" you're saying "disabled" and "disordered" are insults. you're doing the exact same thing you make all your posts about stopping.

my disability is not your cosplay. my headphones are not your prop. my stims are not your choreo.

i can't find community online because every group, subreddit, etc is so flooded with mushroom hats and unofficial diagnosis.

i understand there are circumstances where people can't reasonably get diagnosis and that i am lucky to have been able to, but it makes no sense to me that i see more undiagnosed people who *think* they're autistic speaking for us than i see actually autistic people. it's just as bad as autism speaks. I'm not taken seriously when i mention my condition and it isn't because of people having misconceptions about autism, it's because of people immediately assuming it's fake because I'm within the age range of the people faking it.

I'd just ignore it and leave it be but its so hard to avoid the effects.

just because you're irritated by sound or like to jump doesn't mean you're autistic. AUTISM IS A DISABILITY. IT IS A DISORDER. YOU DON'T HAVE AUTISM IF ITS NOT DISABLING, IT IS A DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY. YOU WOULDNT FUCKING TELL A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR THAT HES NOT DISABLED BECAUSE HE CAN LIVE A FAIRLY NORMAL LIFE. YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE ON CRUTCHES FOR A WHILE WITH A BROKEN LEG THAT YOUR LIFE IS THE SAME AS SOMEONE WHO'S MISSING A LEG. SAME GOES FOR US.

if you only use autism as a conversational point or internet persona chances are you are not fucking autistic. it affects day-to-day life, it doesn't just turn off when you're alone.

i understand there are flaws in the diagnostic process. i understand it's harder for women. i understand that some people do genuinely find out they're autistic because of the internet. low support needs autism is just as valid as low-moderate support like myself or high support or anything in between. i don't think being young or part of the alt scene invalidates asd either, I'm 16 and for a while yeah i did like the goblincore style. it's just a very specific group that I'm fed up with that's made themselves a very loud minority and screams ableist when questioned.

i don't know why people fake things like this but y'all need to take it elsewhere. I'm sorry you feel the need to do something like that but you're damaging the community while you pretend to be our saviors and it has got to go.

that being said i don't support things like r/fakedisordercringe and such bc dude its just making fun of kids 90% of the time and harassing people isn't ok or productive even if it were. if those who want to trash those kinds of people's accounts had any sense they'd just stop commenting or reposting etc bc all it does is boost the post and encourage it. just suffocate it please. and if you're one of the people faking that kinda shit... dude stop. seriously stop you're just hurting people and making a fool of yourself. it doesn't make you a bad person but you're definitely making bad decisions so just please for the love of g-d give us back our space.

#not even a disorder #not even a disability #oh its not that bad youll be fine #saw someone going off about it being called autism spectrum disorder being offensive #saying that calling it a disorder is ableist #and that was just the last straw #i just see so much of this #all i want is a fucking community that isnt full of bullshit so i can actually learn to manage my condition #and instead i see a million things about acceptance #i dont want to accept my symptoms i want to manage them #accepting symptoms that make you miserable is not going to make you happier #learning to manage them in a way that you can cope with them is #there is a HUGE difference #i dont need autism positivity i need to be taken seriously #saying its or is the same as telling someone #fuck fake disorder ppl #vent #autism vent #autism #disability #disabled #actually disabled #actually autistic #actually autism #also i dont hate mushroom hats lol theyre cute just chill pls

[qyuoza]

Coeur Brisé (SJH)

Genre: Fluff (only in the beginning), Angst

AU: nonidol!au, highschool!au

Warnings: This is honestly just really sad so like prepare for heartbreak, fem!reader loses feelings (i am so sorry in advance)

Summary: Junghwan and Y/n have always liked each other, so when the time came when they dated, Junghwan thought he could marry her, but Y/n had thought otherwise beacause, love really isn't meant to last.

Notes: In all honesty this was very hard to write since I cannot imagine Junghwan as a boyfriend like ever </3 hes like my baby

-

It was fall of 2020 when they met. Two bright souls at the age of fifteen, just at the start of puberty. Junghwan and Y/n, two teenagers who always adored each other, but were to afraid to admit their feelings for each other. Their friends would always try their luck for them to get together, but to no avail, until one particular day.

Junghwan and his friends were heading to the cafeteria together talking and laughing, all problems free from their minds, but as they passed by Y/n's classroom, Junghwan couldn't help but look at Y/n with her friends. He could see her in the middle of them all, her in her cute summer uniform with her hair tied in a ponytail and bangs draped over her face gently, she was so perfect. He snapped out of his daze and continued walking with his friends, Y/n's smile still replaying in his mind.

"Huh? What do you mean Mr. Woo isn't coming?" Junghwan asked, as he saw Y/n in the school dance practice room alone. "He asked me to meet him here but he hasn't been in an hour, so it's safe to say he really isn't coming" Y/n replied and turned towards him. They were both practical dance majors at SOPA, it only made sense if she knew. "Oh alright thank you for letting me know, see you around Y/n..." before Junghwan could turn to leave, she suddenly interrupted him. "WAIT— Could you come here for a second?" Y/n asked shyly, to which he felt his ears burn, but he nodded and approached her.

"Junghwan, I just wanted to tell you that...I really like you and that I've been too scared to tell you" Y/n then looked away, which left the boy shocked at the sudden confession. "Took you long enough" Junghwan laughed and Y/n looked up at the boy in curiosity. "I've always liked you too Y/n, safe for me to ask you out on a date then" he smiled, which sparked the beginning of their puppy love.

"Junghwan! Good morning!" Y/n greeted the boy as they met up at the train station. "Good morning, it's nice to see you so happy today" he flirted, meanwhile Y/n hit him playfully. "Junghwan you know I hate cheesy things like that" he laughed and before they knew it, the train had already arrived. "Alright sorry, but you look so pretty today, I honestly couldn't help it" Junghwan gave her a sweet smile and Y/n looked away trying to hide hers.

"Well aren't you two just adorable? You both remind me of when my husband and I were still teens back in the day" an old woman said from the seat beside them. "Thank you grandma, that's very sweet" Y/n said sweetly as Junghwan held her hand. "It's really nothing, I hope you both last long" the old woman said as Y/n nodded, turning to the boy and smiling. Junghwan felt his heart race, was he really falling in love all over again? "I love you" Y/n giggled, and for the first time in his life, Junghwan had found another purpose.

The circumstances are different now though, everything was changing for the couple. After a few months, the honeymoon stage was starting to wear off and things took a detour in their relationship. "Y/n do better next time" Junghwan sighed exasperated at the girl in front of him, Y/n had done the choreography wrong for the second time already. "Sorry..." she said quietly, but he just sighed and turned the music back on for them to redo the choreography. "I'm sorry for lashing out on you, here how about we go over it a few more times and we'll be done?" Y/n nodded as they both started the choreography again. The two weren't perfect, but they were in their first ever relationship and they had to understand each other bit by bit, even if it took time.

Later on, it wasn't just Junghwan, he still loved Y/n to bits, but it seemed that the girl was slowly detaching from the relationship, mostly emotionally but now physically. "Junghwan, is it alright if I eat with my girl friends for awhile?" she asked him, and he was shocked, the two always ate together with his friends and some of hers, but all of a sudden she just wanted to eat with just them now? "Oh that's fine, you have fun ok?" he smiled and Y/n nodded before walking off to her friends.

That same day, Junghwan had taken Y/n home as usual, but she was very quiet. "Hey, are you ok? You've been so quiet" he asked, and she shook her head. "I'm fine, just thinking" Y/n smiled and reassured Junghwan by holding his hand and giving it a squeeze. This seemed to calm him down a bit and he nodded in understanding.

A few weeks later, Y/n had already seemed to treat him as if he wasn't her boyfriend anymore, which left Junghwan dumbfounded. Not only that, he had overheard Y/n talking to her friends and it left him with an aching heart.

"Guys, I just don't think I have feelings for Junghwan anymore. He's a really sweet guy, but I guess the feelings were short lived. I don't deserve him..." Y/n said, then her friend hugged her. "Don't feel like that Y/n, it's normal for relationships not to last. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be you know?" Y/n nodded at her friend and wiped her tears, regaining her composure a bit. So she was losing feelings for him...

"Junghwan, can we talk?" The boy knew what was coming, so he nodded with a heavy heart, ready to hear out his soon to be ex girlfriend. "These past few months have been so fun with you, and you're so amazing Junghwan, I don't think I've said it enough, but...I don't think I can continue being with you" ah there it was, but Junghwan still continued listening. "I'm sorry, it's really not you, it's me...I never thought we would last and it was inevitable, but you don't deserve to be led on by someone like me. So please, let's break up" Y/n said, looking away from him. He sighed, and nodded, it was inevitable after all.

"Alright, whatever makes you happy Y/n. I hope that we both can continue to find the happiness we found in each other, in other people...Take care of yourself for me ok?" the girl nodded as they both went their separate ways. One with a heavy heart, the other with a burden finally off their shoulders.

Weeks later, it seemed like Y/n was happier than ever with a guy from the year above. Junghwan passed them as they both laughed and had bright smiles on their face, a contrast from when they were both dating, as they were both mostly too shy at first to even hold hands at first. "At least she's happy now..." he whispered and walked off.

© 2021 all rights reserved | rikiszn on tumblr.

#kpop imagines #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop one shot #kpop blurbs #treasure imagines #treasure fluff #treasure #yg treasure #treasure choi hyunsuk #park jihoon treasure #treasure yoshinori #treasure junkyu #treasure mashiho #treasure jaehyuk #treasure asahi #treasure bang yedam #treasure doyoung #treasure haruto #treasure jeongwoo #treasure junghwan #choi hyunsuk #park jihoon #kanemoto yoshinori #kim junkyu #takata mashiho #yoon jaehyuk #hamada asahi #bang yedam

[jeasthetic]

May 2019

Deolinda Kalila,

A girl with a beautiful face, who if you look from the outside will look fierce, arrogant, and also harsh. But if you know her more deeply, you will see her gentle and tough nature. So tough, that no one could match her toughness. A quiet girl who doesn't have many friends, also doesn't have many memories. Her life isn't full of happiness, but she never complains of circumstances.

Deolinda Kalila,

The girl who has been teaching the meaning of life, where you shouldn't complain just because of circumstances. If you feel desperate for your life, look back, see how many people were struggling to survive. Look at those who have so many burdens, but never complain about circumstances, never blame God.

The girl opened everyone's eyes, that the real world is not as cruel as people say. It's just about perceptions and presumptions. If you always think that the problem is too big, then that's how you will feel. Let us consider all problems small, because every problem must have a solution. It's all about timing, and how we live it. Stay optimistic, and always give thanks to God. Surely God will bless our every step.

Deolinda Kalila,

Her name has stuck with me, in the depths of my heart, filling every empty space in me. The girl who was strong was incessantly floating in my mind. Her is funny, sometimes spicy, but motivating chatter always rings in my head.

I feel like crying when I remember the memories we have spent together. Kalila is strong, who always looks tough, who always advises me, always supports me, and teaches me about the beauty of being grateful.

However, it turns out that Kalila isn't that strong, she isn't an incarnate angel, she's just an ordinary human. Someone who is already within her limits. Kalila is tired. Not tired in heart, but body.

*** *** ***

October 2018

The stars scattered in the sky indicate that the weather is sunny tonight. I invited Kalila to see how beautiful the scenery in the sky was. The stars still look beautiful even though we only see them from behind the window. Well ... Kalila's health isn't very good, she isn't allowed to go out at night, so I think this is the only way to comfort her when she is missing her parents.

"Kal, someone said if there is a shooting star, we can ask for one request and be granted," I said to Kalila.

"It's a hoax. The only one who can grant our request is God." she said seriously. Huh, even though I'm just kidding.

"If God gave you one wish, what would you ask for?" I asked.

"I want to live a little longer," she replied with a smile.

I shuddered in horror, "it's not like your age isn't that long. Anyway, no one knows how old you are."

"It's not that long," she replied lightly, "I don't know how old I am, but with my condition like this, the possibility of living a long life is very small." she continued.

I was stunned, I think her words were too .. too much.

"How bad is your pain?" I asked a little annoyed.

"Um ... btw, isn't it ridiculous if I ask to stay alive when it's time to go?" she asked back without heeding my question earlier.

I sighed heavily, "It's ridiculous, but 'how about it? Everyone has their own reasons why they want to live longer, including you." I replied. Forget my question earlier, Kalila won't want to answer it.

"Yeah, I want to be successful and be happy for Grandma, as well as the people around me." she said. Yes, it's that simple the reason.

"Nice." I gave a faint smile, lightly patted the top of her head. "Btw, it's already at this hour. I'm home, huh? Afraid that my mother will be angry." I say goodbye to Kalila.

Kalila just nodded limply with pursed lips.

"Alright, don't be sad. Don't cry anymore, your mom and dad need prayers, not tears. Okay?" I said.

Kalila nodded again, "be careful on the road."

***

Kalila absent from class for one week, without explanation – alpha. This certainly makes me anxious, I'm worried about the situation now. The reason is, Kalila is completely unreachable, and her house is always empty. Where it is now, I don't know. Even if I want to search, I don't know where to look, there is no clue at all.

All I can do now is visit her house every morning and after school, to check whether she and her grandmother are home or not. Even though I myself don't know whether they left to come back again or ... ah, I don't know. Besides, this is the only way I can do it.

I walked along the path to Kalila's house, hoping that this time I could meet her. When I almost arrived, I saw from a distance an old woman had just gotten out of a taxi and walked towards her house. There's no mistaking it, it's Kalila's grandmother. I immediately approached Kalila's grandmother, who was now at the door and prepared to open the doorknob.

"Excuse me, Grandma." My greetings to Grandma Kalila, make her fail to open the knob.

"Ah, Jeno-ya." she said, her expression sad and tired.

"Grandma, where is Kalila?" I asked without preamble.

"Ah, Kalila ..." Kalila's grandmother's sentence was interrupted, the sad face became more visible.

"Grandma?" I took Kalila's grandmother's hand, then held it.

Grandma Kalila cried, "Kalila..." she muttered a little sobbing, "Kalila is hospitalized."

I was flabbergasted, "Hospitalization? What disease does she have, Grandma?"

"A lot, kid. The virus is running rampant now." replied the grandmother between her tears.

"What? What virus?" I keep asking, really, I don't understand at all. What's going on here?

"Looks like it's time for grandma to tell you the truth, son." she said, I was just speechless.

Grandma Kalila told me everything about Kalila that I didn't know at all so far. She was really telling the truth, it made me disbelieve. Kalila, who has been looking tough all this time, turns out to be bearing a lot of burdens, one of which is to bear the disease she is currently suffering from. And how shocked I was when I learned of Kalila's illness.

Kalila contracted the HIV virus from birth. The doctor said, this was a fortune because Kalila was still able to survive today. The reason is, Kalila's father died after several years of contracting the virus, as well as her mother who died after giving birth due to an indirect infection from the HIV virus.

So far, Kalila has to take ART drugs or antiretroviral treatment, to prevent the virus from multiplying, and stabilize her condition to stay healthy. But lately, she didn't consume it due to cost issues. So that the HIV virus is increasingly spreading and causing various kinds of complications.

Kalila's grandmother's statements were so stifling, they filled my eyes with tears, which I just spilled. My heart feels very sick, really can't accept the harsh reality. In fact, from the start I thought that Kalila was indeed a HIV sufferer because some of the symptoms she had had did refer to the disease. But I always deny it, I always hope that my guess isn't true. And the worst will not happen.

"Why did you just say it now? Why did Kalila never tell the truth?" I asked in a slightly choked up voice, my tears have broken now.

"Sorry, son. Kalila didn't allow me to tell anyone about her illness. You must understand Kalila's feelings."

"But this is me, Grandma? I'm her best friend."

"Precisely because of that, Kalila doesn't want to lose her only friend. Kalila is afraid that you will stay away after learning about her illness."

Alright, so that's the reason. I don't understand why Kalila thought that I would leave her after knowing the illness she was suffering from. I'm not that bad, no thoughts of leaving her, at all. I thought Kalila was very familiar with my nature, but not. A little angry, but much disappointed.

"Grandma, I went to the hospital, right?" I asked Grandma Kalila.

"Yes, son. Jeno, wait here first, I wants to take Kalila's needs."

**

Kalila is lying weak with an IV in her hand and various kinds of tubes stuck in her body. Her body was too weak to simply change her sleeping position. Looks very tired, but still awake from sleep. I hold Kalila's left hand - the hand that is free from the IV - intending to strengthen it.

Actually I was angry and also disappointed, considering Kalila's attitude was so closed to me. But I don't have the heart to take it out on Kalila. She's too weak to argue with. So, I tried to throw away my anger, and excused Kalila's actions.

We haven't said anything since I came. Though usually she was very enthusiastic about welcoming me, even though she was sick. Kalila continues to daydream while staring at the hospital ceiling. Many times I called her name, but there was no response at all. And maybe she also didn't realize that all this time I was holding her hand.

"Jeno?"

Finally Kalila opened her voice. She called out my name without taking her eyes off the ceiling.

"W-what?" I stammered, a little surprised. I guess she didn't even notice that I was here.

Kalila turned to me, "when I go, you will not forget me, right?"

I rounded my eyes, "What are you talking about? Where are you going? You're still here." my pressure.

Kalila shook her head limply, "no, Jen. I took what I said yesterday, when it's time to go, I won't have much hope."

"Kal–"

"Please promise me, Jeno."

"W-what?"

"Don't ever forget me, even though I'm not beside you anymore." said Kalila, her eyes filled with tears.

"Never. I'll Never forget you." I replied firmly while holding Kalila's hand tightly, trying to look fine.

"And ... You have to visit me often, even though you're already married. Invite your little family to meet me, OK?" she said again.

I smiled bitterly, "Yes. But later, in a few years. Because I don't want you to go out anytime soon. I'm not ready. And again, what the heck, married ?!"

Kalila chuckled, "ready or not, have to be ready .. Ah ya, one more thing."

"What else?" I asked embarrassedly.

"Please take care of my grandmother." said Kalila with a sad smile, making my heart feel sliced.

"Yes, I will take care of your grandma. Your grandma is my grandma too." I answered.

"Thanks, Jeno." Kalila smiled again, "Thank you for accompanying me for this one year. You're my best friend, not because you are the only one, but because you are really valuable." My feelings warmed after hearing the words that Kalila said.

"Thanks also to everything you've taught me, Kal. Including about how to respond to a world that is sometimes not on our side. So far, I have learned a lot from you. I feel ashamed if I remember what I was, why I was so easy to give up, even though my burden isn't much. And since I know you, I feel like a stronger person. " I replied.

Kalila nodded with a shady smile, tightening her hand, "I love you, Lee Jeno." she said, then she closed her eyes.

"Kal!" I screamed. I immediately stood up, then checked her breath and pulse. My breath was caught, my body suddenly felt weak, my legs felt numb. I lowered my head to face Kalila who was helpless.

"Kal ..." I groaned. I closed my eyes, squeezed my chest which felt so sore with the tears pouring down.

"I want to go to Cambridge, the best university in the world."

"I want to be a successful person, Jen. I want to make you happy."

"Don't be stupid, your future is still long, Jeno!"

"Your parents must be fine, don't be sad."

"Don't be afraid to face problems, problems won't kill you."

"You have to promise, you can't even try to commit suicide again."

"You have to be strong, Jeno. You're a boy."

The sentences that have been spoken by Kalila ring in my head, as well as the sweet memories we went through together. Which now feels so painful. I hate this goodbye, but I never regretted our meeting. Met, then separated. Isn't that a natural thing?

As much as possible I try to let it go, even though it's so hard. But I also don't want to add to Kalila's burden, she has to go quietly. The struggle has been quite up to here, it has reached its peak.

Kalila's suffering in the world is over. Finally I have to let it go, because then Kalila will leave in peace. Hopefully she will always be well. I don't need to worry, because there will be many angels guarding it.

Goodbye, Kalila. May God reunite us in His heaven later.

END

© Story by: najaesthetic_

Find me on wattpad: najaesthetic_

#fanfic #wattpad #writers on tumblr #lee jeno #nct fanfic #nct dream #jeno nct #kpop angst #idol au #neverforget #my love #true love #friends

[demyrie]

I've seen you talk a lot about love language, and it's something I'm slowly but steadily learning. I have a question about it! What can you do if you know someone who has a very incompatible love language with you, or who reacts poorly to your love language? Multiple times now I've had friends who would get almost hostile towards my ways of showing care, and its so upsetting to me that i sometimes stop being friends with them. It then makes it hard for me to show my love to other people (1/2)

Oh what a wonderful question. I adorelove languages as a concept, because they’re as diverse as the peoplewho “speak” them. Which might be why ... this definitely turned into an essay.

First off, sweet thing!! I’m sorry tohear that you’re getting that kind of reaction from your displays ofaffection! It can be really, really discouraging to be brave and openup to somebody, or offer affection, and get backlash or a negativeresponse … it does teach us that maybe there’s something wrong with what we’re doing, but you have to remember what dialect of love languagepeople are coming from and what your affection might “look” liketo them out of context.

Speaking Across Love Languages: It’sKind of Like the Dog and the Potato!

In case you haven’t seen this wonderfulthing that originated on tumblr, it’s a therapy dog who brings her crying person a potato, andit’s crushed hearts around the internet because of this generalhilarious sentiment: I don’t need it, but thanks it means the world inthis awful, awful moment.

And it’s funny, because animals offertheir love or care language and while it often doesn’t translate(thank you cat but I did not want this dead worm? Ok?), we are ableto gush and cry and appreciate the pure and whole effort itself,in and out of context, because “they don’t know any better”or “they’re just doing them dude” but we don’t offer the sameunderstanding to the people in our lives.

People learn affection in differentways and it differs greatly based on not only culture, but all theabundances and lackings you’ve experienced in life. We are programmedfrom an early age to value what we value, when oxytocin is runninghot through our developing little brains and wiring it with themental-emotional-chemical definition of LOVE that will follow usthrough our days, for better or worse. It can make both giving and accepting affectioncomplicated.

What Matters to You?

Make no mistake, many walk on this Earth without a clue what their love language is. To some that come from physicallyaffectionate households, cuddling and physical closeness is theheight of comfort. I love a good hug and I cuddle like a champ. Topeople who come from homes where they were rarely touched, however,being given a Classic American Comfort Hug might invoke anxiety …or they might crave it more than anything because they never had itwhile young.

To others, maybe their parents madethem food when they were sad and so cooking and the effort of itmakes them feel loved and cherished (see: my dude). To some, likemy dad, valuing someone’s time is the greatest sign of respect, andif you showed up late for something you may as well have spit in hisface. Conversely, the most important thing to these folks is justDOING things together. Doesn’t matter what, just time, and time spenttogether, is what matters, which perplexes Personalized Affectionpeople like me, who are left wondering why the fuck dad asked me tocome to home depot with him with no explanation because he’s takingtime away from the gift picture I was drawing for him???? which by the wayhe won’t show “proper” appreciation for, because really he justwanted to lurk around home depot with me. 

(My dad is weird.)

Love Language and Miscommunications

So, something bad happens, we wantcomfort, and the people around us don’t respond the way we want themto. They don’t hug us, or say what we want them to say, and we takeit super personally and feel jilted or abandoned. We think, whyaren’t they comforting me, why are they purposefully ignoring ordenying me, without considering that people learn and enact comfortin different ways and under no circumstances can they read your mindand desires.

(I’m gonna share an epithet from Rae andmy struggles, as I’m sure she won’t mind.)

There was a time in Undergrad when @rainbowstarbirdrealized, in the process of discovering that we were indeed quitefucking depressed and mentally ill, that we were living in completelydifferent worlds. Our repressed personal problems fit together like avery awful tessellation of trauma that dug deeper and deeper withevery year: I feared being smothered and controlled and she fearedbeing abandoned, so every time I pulled away in fear, she ran forwardin fear, with both of us having no idea why we were getting so angryat each other, or why we felt like we were constantly in danger despite beinghonors students and on scholarship and good life and affordable housing and etc etc.

My comforting love language has alwaysbeen providing things for people and taking care of their physicalbodies. We were still struggling to be friends through all this and Ialso leaned heavily on my role as caretaker in order to divertattention from my own pain, so if Rae was upset, I would make herfood or tea or just ask if she was hungry. Rae, on the other hand,dissociates severely when triggered and the only thing that cananchor her is physical touch, and her top priority is having a lovedone sit and spend time with her to prove she’s not alone and hated.

Worst Case Scenario: Lost inTranslation

I come in and Rae is a lump on thecouch. The air is thick with some kind of tension, which Iimmediately interpret as personal resentment and I get triggered as shit bythe ongoing mental tape of everything you do isn’t enough, but I recognizethat she isn’t feeling good. I ask her if she’s hungry. She says no,and doesn’t say anything further because she’s afraid of being needyand giving me the chance to deny her and confirm her fears that yes i hate her okay bye. I, at a loss, say I’m gonnamake her tea, because I want to take care of her in some way.

So I head into the kitchen and leaveher alone and suffering on the couch, saying, in her language, that Idon’t care about her one goddamn bit. I come back with a mug ofuseless caffeine that she didn’t need, which she doesn’t drink, whichupsets me because she’s refusing my love language, which makes mefuck right off to my bedroom to fume because well I tried,leaving her alone again. Everyone suffers. And I mean everyone.

(so much suffering)

What the Hell Happened?

She prioritized time, which I wasn’tgiving her, because I didn’t just want to sit on the couch next toher and be awkward and useless, I wanted to help her (ie: do something for her).I prioritized actions and gestures, which she saw as incidentalthings, human shrapnel, and rejected because she had no use for themwhile so deep in her own belief that she wasn’t loved because Iwouldn’t even sit next to her and keep her company while she was obviously in pain. 

See how fuckedthat is? We were not only failing to speak one another’s languages, but our actual languages ended up triggering each other. Bad. Bad!!!!

Now, the first thing I do is ask if shewants a hug! I tell her I will sit with her for as long as she needs,whether we’re playing video games or whatever, and reaffirm that Ilove her and value her. Now, when I’m in a State, she’ll ask if I’veeaten, because she knows the first thing I do when I start dipping isskipping meals to punish myself. She brings me tea and badgers meabout food, and of course cuddles me to kingdom come, and mostimportantly she smartly, altruistically, and respectfully asks mewhat would make me feel loved in that moment, and goddamn if that doesn’t make me feel loved in and of itself.

Becoming Fluent in Another’s LoveLanguage

The key is realizing your companions’love language and understanding how it fits into your own, if itdoes. If your partner’s language differs from yours, you can eitherappeal to them using their love language or try to recognize how whatthey’re doing for you expresses their values and try to be cognizantof those actions. In my mind, taking the effort to learn yourpartner’s love language is the height of devotion and appreciationand wooing.

It is such a powerful thing to say“this makes me feel loved!” or “This is really important to me,which is why I thought you might like it!” It feels … selfish,almost, or egotistical, but with affection you are offering ofyourself. There’s room for you to be involved!

And there is no “wrong” way to loveor show affection! The only way things go wrong is if your unmetexpectations are hurting you, in which case you might need toreevaluate either where those expectations came from or the personyou’re with and the way they treat you (EX: wanting someone to checkin with you 20 times a day with “i love you you amazing creature”texts is on a different level of expectations from I would like mypartner to listen to me when I talk and she doesn’t, am I beingoutrageous?) or if the person you’re wooing is upset by the wayyou’re showing affection. For instance, some people don’t like hugs,and it takes two to hug, and sometimes it just bes like that. Find what makes them feel loved (which is also something you are comfortable and happy doing)!

It may take a little bit ofnegotiation, and it’s difficult at first whenever enacting somebody’slove language doesn’t “do” it for you, and of course youshouldn’t force yourself to do something that feels gross to you toplease another person (nononononononono), but we are very plastic, trainable creatures.I get what I call feedback happiness whenever I do something I knowmeans the world to Rae, even if it doesn’t push my buttons, and shetakes pride in knowing that I like tea when I’m sad, etc, and that inthose moments my love language takes priority because I’m in need, and that I’m worth it. 

Effort is love, sometimes. Most times, really, but the high is worthit :)

All This to Say: Get Talking!

It definitely sounds like there’s somebarriers or misunderstandings between you and those you’d like to befriends with … I remember back in the day, glomping was the heightof affection theatre and I fucking hated it (v sensitive about my neck and also fast motions and loud noises), but didn’t know how toask my friends to stop because I thought it was that or They Hate Me. I don’t believe there’s anyone you “justcan’t be friends with”, but you do have to sit back at a certainpoint and ask yourself if any relationship is fulfilling you enoughto continue it. If you aren’t finding pleasure and excitement in thebond or there’s no good compromise/effort between you to work on it,it may not be a priority to pursue.

So, I’d ask my friends – hey, youknow last time I did X, I wasn’t trying to scare you or make youuncomfortable. I guess I wanted to become closer, and that’s whatcloser means to me. Is there a way I can show you affection thatdoesn’t throw you off? What do you like to do? What makes you feelspecial? (Because I would like to make you feel special.) Encouragethem to talk about what they like and let them understand that you’re willing to go out of your way to communicate your love in a way they’ll Feel and Hear, and there’s pretty much no better feeling in the world than knowing someone likes you like that.

I’m sorry this turned into an essaybut!!! Important!!! I wish you the best of luck my love, know thatthere’s nothing wrong with you or how you relate, but that relatingtakes two, and takes time! Seek to understand what might be stopping them from seeing your affection for what it is, and come up with a compromise or shared language you CAN utilize. 

I hope this increases your happiness and worth and makes you feel great because thats what friendships should do! Murr!

#trauma #love language #relating #mental health #depression #important #demyrie talks #figuring out a shared love language #Anonymous

[scripttorture]

Just something I'm curious about - in your torture in fiction posts that deal with sci-fi settings, particularly Star Wars, you list a lot of the torture devices as unrealistic because they're high-tech compared to real life equipment. Is this because you're trying to really stress how how real life torture is carried out? I admittedly haven't studied the topic as in-depth as you, but a lot of the devices used in Star Wars torture scenes seem fancy and space-age to us but in-universe (1/2)

(2/2) things like the droid used to torture Leia in A New Hope are very common and viewed as everyday devices. I guess I’m also asking if a character’s perception of what a common/“low tech” device is would factor into how they select torture methods, or if you think the general technology level of the story doesn’t matter much?

I guess it’s primarily about trying to get people to understand whattorture is.

We are surrounded by stories that, one way or another, suggest torturecan be ‘ok’.

We’re also surrounded by stories that, knowingly or not, get their imageof torture from taking what torturers sayat face value.

And the idea of using high-tech devices, complicated devices, in tortureis doing just that. It is believing these ignorant, pathetic brutes when theysay that what they do is actually ‘scientific’, that it can be ‘improved’, thatthey personally are ‘really good at it’ and that they personally are the specialexception flying against every piece of scientific evidence we have.

The idea of torture being high-tech is heavily linked to the ideatorture can be ‘improved’. It’s a cop out that says ‘well this time didn’t workI guess we need to build a better droid’.

It’s also heavily linked tothe idea that ‘clean’ non-scarring tortures are somehow ‘safer’, that you cancause someone massive amounts of pain and trauma but it’s ok it won’t damagethem. Because it’s ‘scientific’.

Please understand that this anger is not directed at you. This is thememory of sifting through eloquent, newspaper published arguments ‘for’waterboarding and too many conversations where I am asked to ‘prove’ torturecould never work under increasingly ludicrously sci-fi circumstances.

It’s the way so many people seem to automatically turn a discussionabout stopping torture towards ‘wellperhaps if we just tortured people in the ‘right’ way-’

It isn’t about what sort oftechnology is common in the setting.

Almost everyone has a mobile phone where I live. I think it’s safe toassume that the prisons and police stations where a lot of torture takes place have mobile phones, televisions,computers, microwaves.

There has never been a singlereported incident I can find of them being used to torture.

It’s not just expense, it’s practicality. The more complicated and hightech something is the easier it is to break and the harder it is to use withouttraining.

From the torturer’s perspective torture is all about using the least amount of effort.

Anything that takes longer, anything that breaks in use, anything eventhe slightest bit more inconvenient will lose out compared to ‘why don’t wejust borrow the garden hose and hit them with it?’

The torture devices of the past were nothigh tech, even for the times they were created. (Take a look at a rack, thentake a look at the types of ships Europeans were using at the same time forlong distance navigation). Using the vast majority of them boils down toturning a screw.

There’s also the question of the effort,time and money¸ that goes into creating high tech devices.

How big would the group of people behind that one droid have to be? You’dneed designers, mechanics and a way totest it just to get a prototype. The first attempt would probably go wrong,because it’s a complicated, high tech piece of equipment. All of the peopleinvolved in it’s creation need to be paid, housed and have access to thecorrect materials for the decades it would take to get one working model. Thenyou’d need to source materials in bulk, you’d need to assemble them correctlyand you’d need to persuade people that this thing is better than just using a bucket of water. That’s worth the moneybeing asked for it.

The only high tech torturedevice that’s really taken off is the Taser. According to Rejali it took about8 attempts and a lot of time andmoney on someone’s part to get it off the ground. It was initially rejected bypolice departments as too difficult to use and too easy to break.

It’s not that police departments weren’tusing electrical torture, they just found that hand cranked magnetos, carbatteries and cow prods were a lot easier to use. Because they’re less complicated.

So no- I don’t think thatcharacter’s perception of what tech is ‘normal’ factors into what gets used intorture at all. Becausewhat we see in real life is that everyday technology doesn’t tend to get used in torture. It’s more effort for thetorturer, it’s more difficult to use, it’s more likely to break and in somecases probably more likely to get the torturer caught.

That last point may not be a factor in all stories but the rest of thosepoints definitely are.

There’s a difference between showing an evil organisation building abigger, ‘better’ bomb and showing them using high tech torture. In the formerthey’re investing in killing people more efficiently; they know they might notget the result they want first time but they also know it will eventually be ‘worth’the money. In the latter example they’re pouring money into a project that won’t‘work’ any better and (from their view more importantly) that their torturerswon’t want to use.

So yes it’s about realism but beyond that it’s what unrealistic tropesmean in these stories.

I run this blog because I want to change the narrative: because I wantto live in a world where pop culture doesn’tencourage or glorify torture.

And if you want to kill an idea you need to go for the joints.

Torture isn’t sophisticated.It isn’t complicated. And most importantly it not only fails, it cannot be improved. Brutality doesn’tbecome more acceptable just because it’s delivered via a shiny new package, itdoesn’t become less harmful just because the damage is hard to see.

I know some of the things I talk about probably seem odd or harmless toa lot of readers but this is about…tracking what those ideas prop up.

I hope that answers your question. :)

Edit: So there’s a counter argument in the comments which I’m going to respond to very briefly.

1) Torture ‘for’ information does not work.(See O’Mara and Rejali)

2) Scaring people you’re trying to interrogate has been shown to be a less effective strategy. (See E and L Alison)

3) Torturers are self selecting. (See Rejali)

4) Lie detectors do not work. (See O’Mara)

5) All the Star Wars movies I’ve reviewed so far have actually handled torture pretty well. The bad guys assume it ‘works’ sure, but the first three movies show torture failing consistently and they show it failing in realistic ways.

Disclaimer

#tw torture #torture apologia #high tech torture #sci fi ask #torture in fiction #star wars #corellianflyboy

[minhoslut]

♡ summary: Since long ago the seven kingdoms of Lentavia have worked together as one, sharing their resources and prospering because of it. Each kingdom has its own prince, each a beautiful man who rules fairly, caring for their people and distributing their resources amongst the kingdoms. The seven of them are much like brothers, having grown up together in their joint castles that sit in the middle of the island. They are free to rule as they please and do what they wish, as long as it is harmonious within the kingdoms. They must, however, follow one rule. At age 26 they must marry a person of their choosing in order to fully take the throne and become a king. The eldest prince, Seokjin, is 2 days from the date he must choose his betrothed and has yet to even suggest someone as an option.

♡ pairing: Kim Seokjin x fem!reader

♡ chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ? |

♡ series warnings: blood mention, injury mention, swearing, anxiety, death mention, depression

♡ series genre: fluff, smut, slight angst

♡ series rating: Mature

♡ word count: 2628

♡ posted on: AO3

♡ chapter four: healing

After an hour of not so restful sleep, you got out of bed and went to the bathroom, splashing water on your face and taking a deep breath. You weren't exactly sure where Jin would be, and you didn't want to frighten him any more than you had already by leaving on your own, so you wandered the halls in search of a servant to help you. Eventually, you were able to find a kind maid who took you to Seokjins room, which was actually just a short walk from your own room. You thanked the maid and then knocked on the grand door, "Seokjin? It's Y/N, I'm ready to go out for herbs if that's alright?" You felt bad making him go with you but had a feeling he would insist even if you tried to tell him not to. After a few moments, Jin appeared and opened the door, "To the woods we go then! I assume you know where we are going?" He asked, making you smile. "I do, it isn't too far."

The two of you made your way through the castle, and then out into the gardens. From then on you led the way, the two of you walking in silence, just enjoying the sounds of the forest. When you reached the area you had been heading for, you stopped walking and began to collect various leaves you would need for the healing balm. "How do you remember which herbs you need?" Jin asked you as he watches you wander about. "Ah, well with this specifically, I've had to make it many, many times so it's basically muscle memory to me now." You chuckle but the implication of your words doesn't miss Jin.

Despite having met you such a short time ago, he feels protective of you and hates the life you've had to deal with. "It's impressive, you must be a very talented witch." He complimented, making you blush. No one had ever said that to you before. "I just do what I can, I don't do much high-level magic aside from when I was learning it. I prefer to just live life as organically as possible with some magic sprinkled in." Seokjin hummed, "That's interesting, I think if I could do magic I would use it for everything, though that may just be because I didn't grow up with it..." You laughed lightly, "It is tempting, and on days when I was sick at home, I'll admit I used more than usual to do things for me." Seokjin joined your laughter at that.

You folded the plants you'd collected into the handkerchief you'd brought along, and tied it up so nothing would fall out. "Alright, I've got what I need." You said, standing up and brushing some dirt off your dress. "I can carry it for you, you shouldn't use your hands too much." Seokjin said taking the bundle from you gently, which you allowed simply because you hoped it may ease any guilt he may have over you getting hurt. You followed a few steps behind him as the two of you walked back to the castle, "I hope you found something about that interesting, I really could have come alone..." You felt bad for Seokjin, as he had simply stood there while you collected what was necessary. "It was fun, I got to know some more about you which is nice. I think it's good to get to know the person you are to marry." He said turning and sending you a smile.

You had forgotten about that, the marriage. "It will need to be announced soon then? The marriage?" The prince nodded, "Tomorrow, I think. Really it should have been the same day I met you, but there were, circumstances as you know." You hummed in understanding. "Well, once I've made the healing balm, everything about me will look normal for tomorrow, but Seokjin, the villagers... They still know I'm a witch. It might end badly for you, what if they stop respecting you?" Seokjin stopped walking and turned to face you, making you nearly crash into him. "Y/N, I think the villagers who have issue with you being a witch need to realize that you deserve respect. I frankly don't care what they think if they are going to be prejudiced." Jin spoke with strong conviction, not a single waver in his voice. You smiled brightly, this had definitly been the right choice.

~

Once you were back at the castle, the two of you headed to the kitchen. You found a pot the right size and boiled some water, slowly adding the ingredients and muttering a spell as you did so. Waving your hand over it to stir, you closed your eyes and focused on the magic coursing through your veins. "And we are done." You said happily, opening your eyes to find the prince staring at you in amazement. "You're incredible, Y/N." You blushed at his comment, turning away and scooping the paste out of the pot and into a bowl. "It's simple magic really, I'm just lucky enough to have that power." Unwrapping the bandages around your hands you winced slightly, the wounds quite tender. You smoothed the mixture on your hands, sighing at the cooling feeling. Seokjin rewrapped your hands for you since yours were now covered in the healing balm. "Thanks, it already hurts less." You assure him, having noticed him giving you an intense look when you'd initially removed the bandaging.

"If you say so, shall we have some lunch then?" Jin suggested. You agreed and the two of you headed to the dining hall after Jin notified a servant that you'd be dining now. Since it was lunchtime anyway, you found the six other princes already seated at the table. "Y/N! I hear you were in a fire yesterday are you alright?" Taehyung asked, concern heavy in his voice. "Ah, yes! Me and Seokjin just went and got the plants for my healing balm so now that that's on, I'll be fine." You assured him, holding up your bandaged hands as proof. "It's a magic potion!" Jimin and Jungkook said excitedly, making you giggle. "Yes, magic."

Seokjin sat down and gestured for you to be seated beside him, which you did. The servants brought out various dishes and everyone got some of what they wanted. You listened to the seven men banter with each other, their relationship was so warm it made you feel happy just to see it. When everyone had their fill, Jin cleared his throat. "So, I will announce my engagement tomorrow, if that works for you all?" The six men gave their various answers of approval, and Seokjins lips pulled into a smile, "Alright! Fantastic." Jimin looked at you then at Jin, "Have you arranged for a dress for Y/N? She can't be presented to the public wearing commoners clothing, even as beautiful as she is." He said, sending you a wink.

Seokjin blanched, making everyone laugh. "I'll take that as a no then. Well lucky for you, I have a few dresses from when those princesses visited a few years back. They were meant to be gifts for them but, well they didn't deserve them so they are just in storage." Jimin said, a comforting smile on his plush lips. "Jimin have I told you how much I love you?" Seokjin said, looking very relieved, "I'll take her to my seamstress so that she can have a proper wardrobe made just for her, and try on the other dresses in one go!" Jim said excitedly as he stood up. Jin looked at you, seemingly checking if that was ok with you, so you gave him a slight nod and stood up to follow Jimin. He led you down a wing of the castle you were unfamiliar with, "This is my connection to the castle." Jimin explains as you walk, "It's very beautiful." His castle is similar to Seokjins, but holds a little more... elegance to it. There are many delicate light fixtures and pieces of art throughout it, giving it a different feel than Jins.

"Here we are! Jisoo, this is Seokjins betrothed, she will be trying on those dresses we have and then you can take her measurements for a wardrobe." Jimin said when you entered a room with a 9privacy curtain0, a huge mirror, and a small pedestal, as well as a few chairs and a table. The woman he was speaking to was gorgeous, long stark black hair, an angular nose, and sharp deep brown eyes, but a warm smile that rounded out her face. "Hello, it's my pleasure. My name is Jisoo and I am the seamstress and designer for the princes." Her voice was high, but melodic all the same. "It's nice to meet you as well, I'm Y/N, Seokjins fiancee. Thank you for doing this for me." Jisoo laughed and shook her head, "I finally get to make some beautiful dresses, and for an already beautiful woman at that. I should be the one thanking you." You tugged on a curl of your hair, embarrassed by her kind words.

"I will go fetch the dresses, I'll be back quickly." Jisoo excused herself, leaving you alone with Jimin once more. "So, Y/N, how are you liking the castle so far?" Jimin asked, sitting in one of the chairs. "It's certainly different from what I'm used to, though it's very beautiful." You answered, sitting in a chair at an angle from Jimin. "I hope that you will take care of Seokjin. I know this whole marriage thing is sudden and that you don't love him, but I hope that you will at least be a good friend to him." Jimin said, a serious expression on his face. You nod, "Seokjin deserves that at the very least. I want to be there for him if I can, no one has been this kind to me, outside of my late mother. He is a good man, that I know, and I won't take that for granted." Jimin broke out into a smile at your answer, "I'm glad to hear that Y/N, and please know that the other six of us are here for you as well." You returned his smile, then turned at the sound of the door opening once more with Jisoos return.

You stood up quickly to help Jisoo with the huge pile of clothing she had with her. "Oh goodness, thank you! I forgot how much more fabric dresses have, it sure makes it harder to transport them alone." She said, laying the dresses on the loveseat and gesturing for you to do the same with the ones you'd taken. "There are five dresses, each is a different colour and style so you can try them each on and decide which you like best, and then I will check if any alterations need to be made." Jisoo explained as she ushered you behind the privacy screen, one of the dresses hung over her arm. She threw in over the screen so that she could help you undress and then into the dress. You felt very exposed undressing in front of her, but this was her job after all.

The first dress was a lovely shade of pale blue, with a sheer flowing layer atop the skirt. Matching sheer fabric made up the sleeves that were puffy up to the wrist where they cinched in. The bodice was fairly simple, a v neckline that was still modest, with flowers embroidered across it . It was gorgeous, you'd never even seen a gown like this. Jisoo helped you shuffle into the various layers needed for the dress, then ushered you out and up onto the pedestal. You gave a spin and looked at your reflection in the mirror, "Very beautiful!" Jimin complimented as you surveyed the dress in full. You thanked him softly, then you were ushered back behind the curtain by Jisoo to try on another dress.

This time the dress was similar to the first, the same sheer fabric covering the skirt, in a peach colour this time. The sleeves were three-quarter length peach mesh, open and flowy. The neckline was rounded, while the entire bodice was covered in fabric flowers in yellow, white, pink, and green. A few yellow flowers were also sewn into the top layer of mesh, scattered about like they'd fallen from a tree . It felt a bit more uncomfortable, as pretty as it was. Your reflection obviously displayed this as Jisoo brought you back to the curtain barely a minute after you'd returned to the pedestal.

The third dress was a dark green. The top was a sweetheart neckline with straps that had a cut out in the middle covered with matching green mesh. Off the shoulder sleeves made of delicate short but flowing mesh accompanied the straps, while the same mesh was layered atop the light green skirt. Sweet bunches of pink embroidered flowers decorated the top quarter of the mesh on the skirt, while also lining the top along the cutout and neckline of the dress . The colour reminded you of the forest trees in the wintertime, while the flowers were like the first signs of spring. You spun around on the pedestal several times, admiring the different angles of the dress until Jisoo had you change once more.

Next was an off-shoulder dress in a sweet light pink, with slightly darker pink roses and whitish leaves and vines covering the bodice from top to bottom. The same roses were embroidered down the skirt along with a few vines. The colour was very pretty, it matched the idea of a princess you held in your mind . It felt more exposing than the other three dresses, though not really by much. You felt yourself covering your shoulders with your hands, or sweeping your hair to cover the exposed skin. It felt foreign despite the meager difference for the others. Jisoo tutted as she watched you fiddle with your hair and hands, then pushed you back to the privacy curtain to try the last dress.

The final one was soft yellow, with fancy white embroidery across the bodice and coming up from the bottom of the skirt. Golden leaves decorated the rest of the skirt where the embroidery was not so that the mesh looked full and elegant. The neckline was rounded but higher than the second dress and the sleeves went out to the edge of the shoulders before switching into a golden mesh that billowed out and then was brought back in above the elbow . The bodice was tight, slightly uncomfortable and you shuffled up onto the pedestal as best you could. It was holding back your movements and made you feel restricted, setting a frown upon your lips. "Not that one either than hmm..." Jisoo commented, bringing you behind the curtain again and helping you back into your original dress.

"Well, you looked amazing in each one Y/N, which do you think you'll choose?" Jimin asked when you came out. "Well, not the peach or yellow one, they didn't feel comfortable. The pink one I felt exposed in, so not that one either... I think I'll pick the green one, I felt like a true princess in it after all." You felt embarrassed to say so but it was the truth. "Perfect, that one already fits you exactly how it should! I'll set about getting jewelry to match, now Jimin, off you go so that I can do measurements." Jisoo shooed the prince away, as he promised to return in a half-hour to fetch you. "Now, let's get you undressed and measured." You gave Jisoo a smile and removed your dress once more.

#bangtanhq #bts #bts x reader #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin #forget me not

[sableaire]

I actually imagine ending up with people and such but when it comes to real life intimacy, I'm like "stay away from me". I mean I do get jealous when my friends have boyfriends but the thought of having one actually scares me. Would that mean I'm asexual? I'm really confused, I'm totally ok with anyone regardless of gender if and only if I'm really interested in the person but still have a preference of having boyfriends than girlfriends. That's normal right?

First of all, you are completely valid in how you feel, and you are as normal as anyone else. Second of all, I am wordy and this answer is long, so let me stick the rest under a readmore.

Summary: You’re fine, and it’s fine to be confused. You might want to compare the definitions of asexuality, aromanticism, gray-asexuality, and gray-aromanticism and see you feel comfortable with any of those labels. A lot of people are okay with any gender but still have a preference, and that’s completely natural too. Also, your romantic/sexual identity isn’t set in stone. It’s completely fine to use a label that you’re comfortable with for the time being and change it later on, once you learn more about yourself. You’re a-okay, and you’re ahead of the game already by giving this some serious thought.

The reason you’re concerned about whether or not you’re ‘normal’ is because there’s this strange, social belief that everyone feels the same way about romance and sex, when they don’t. I’ve spoken to many adults about my being aroace, and in their efforts to either invalidate or understand me, they told me about how they felt ‘at my age’. They all had complete certainty that every other person in the world had the same feelings about about romance or sex or sexual orientation that they did, and that I was the odd one out.

I have yet to hear from two people sharing each others’ experience.

The only reason that people think that there is a ‘normal’ way to go about romance is because there’s an inexplicable taboo on talking about it with others. Couple that with decades-long social conditioning, and that gives everyone a model they think they’re supposed to fit. “I guess that fits how I feel,” people say, stuffing a round peg into a square hole, completely missing how the corners never fit right.

It sounds like you’ve put some time and thought into understanding your own feelings, and you should be proud of that! That’s more than many people in the world have done, and it’s a vital step in getting to know who you are as a person. It’s a vital step in getting to know how to build your happy future.

However, let me guide you with a few more questions that might help: How do you define your relationships? What is it that scares you about a potential boyfriend? How do you feel about romance? How do you feel about sex? Also, just for clarity’s sake, who are you jealous of - the friends or the boyfriends?

Romance and Sex often go hand-in-hand for many people, but but that’s not the case for everyone. There are people in romantic relationships who have no interest in sex, and there are people who feel vice versa. Only you can figure out what label you’re comfortable with, but let me help by defining some for you:

You might be aromantic, which means that you do not feel romantic attraction. You might desire a romantic relationship, but that desire has never been fixated on a specific person. Some aromantics are okay with romance-coded activities as long as it’s between friends. 

You might be asexual, which means that you do not feel sexual attraction. You might enjoy sex and sexual activities and or feel aroused by fiction or fantasies, but you do not feel the desire to have sex and or engage in sexual activities with a specific person.

You might be gray-aro or gray-ace, which means that you might feel romantic attraction or sexual attraction very rarely under specific circumstances. (subcategories include but are not limited to litho-, demi-, akoi-, and cupio-)

You might be aroace, which means that you are some combination of the above. I personally identify as aroace, and I have yet to feel romantic or sexual attraction at almost 21 years of age. People tell me that will change when I ‘meet the right person’ and maybe it will, but I am happy calling myself aroace now, and I will continue to do so. 

For reference, in high school, I didn’t realize that when people described a celebrity as ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ they didn’t just mean aesthetic appreciation. I had always assumed that they were appraising the celebrity how I might view a statue in a museum. I also didn’t realize that people actually wanted to date and have sex - I thought people just dated for fun and that all that high school sex talk was some kind of collective inside joke. I was wrong. So, so very wrong, ahaha.

Or after all this, you might decide that you’re not aro or ace at all, and that’s fine too. A certain level of fear is to be expected in any new experience, so if you haven’t had a romantic partner before, the idea of one might be scary. However, have you had a crush before? Have you wanted to have romantic feelings reciprocated before? These are questions to ask that will help you determine whether or not you are aro/gray-aro.

In the same way, the idea of sex can be scary, especially if it’s a new experience. Is it something that scares you so much that the idea is unappealing? Or is it something that’s intimidating but you’re interested in? 

Ultimately, I can only give you information. In the end, you will know yourself best, so you’ll have to be the one to decide what labels, if any, you’re comfortable with. 

If you ever need more information, however, I’m always happy to help.

#asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #aromantic #aroace #advice #long #Anonymous

[allaroundmelbourne]

'I feel anxious, but I'm ready': Inside Australia's abortion clinic of last resort

Updated September 08, 2018 06:50:20

Photo: The Marie Stopes clinic in Melbourne is the only provider of late surgical abortions in Australia. (Supplied: Marie Stopes ) Map: Melbourne 3000 The journey to the Marie Stopes clinic in Melbourne's east is a harrowing one for the 200 or so women who go there each year for a procedure denied to them elsewhere.

Background BriefingWhy late surgical abortions are denied We go inside the only clinic in the country where pregnancies can be terminated between 20 and 24 weeks. By the time they reach the building, sitting behind a car park on an unassuming suburban street, they have likely been turned away by multiple doctors and hospitals. And until the Victorian state government banned the practice in 2015, there was a very real risk of encountering anti-abortion protesters at the entrance. To walk through the doors of this clinic is to have exhausted all other options, a doctor who works there told Background Briefing. "Not a single one of these women will make that choice lightly," said Dr Herbert, who asked that her first name be withheld. "Who are we to judge unless we're in their shoes?'' The abortion debate is so divisive, even medical professionals pick a side. Many refuse to perform the procedure on religious or moral grounds. But there are no conscientious objectors at this facility. "It is a passion of mine to advocate for a woman's right to choice," Dr Herbert said. "I feel quite strongly that people don't dictate to us what's right for us in our lives."

Photo: Counsellor Michelle Reynolds regularly speaks to women who are weighing up whether or not to have an abortion. (ABC News: Tim Leslie ) 'I don't want to see the baby' Dr Herbert is one of only four doctors in the country who perform late surgical abortions. The procedure takes place when a woman is between 20 and 24 weeks' pregnant. On paper, late abortions are legal in most states and territories, subject to conditions. Yet in practice, women are routinely refused them and turned away. Amy (not her real name) is 22 weeks' pregnant. She said her pregnancy was unplanned and came as a shock. In fact, she was not aware she was expecting until very recently. "I felt very alone, isolated, humiliated, embarrassed, and angry at myself," she said. Amy and her mother decided to keep the pregnancy a secret. The shame she felt cast a shadow over milestones normally celebrated by mothers-to-be, including the first ultrasound. "The heartbeat was probably the hardest thing to hear," she said. "They had the big screen on and they were saying 'congratulations'. "I just said 'turn the screens off', like, 'I don't want to hear the heartbeat. I don't want to see the baby'." The 20-year-old said she considered all options before deciding to terminate the pregnancy. "Obviously with your emotions you think 'is it right for me to have an abortion'," she said. "Is it right for me to keep the baby? Or can I do adoption? Am I strong enough?"

Photo: Doctors performing late surgical abortions argue women should be given a choice. (ABC News: Tim Leslie) Access to abortion services 'a postcode lottery' Amy could not find a local clinic or hospital offering late surgical terminations. With the help of some contacts, she learned about Marie Stopes in Melbourne and arranged to travel there. "I feel anxious," she told Background Briefing moments before the procedure, "but I'm ready". From their offices in Brisbane, the counselling service Children By Choice provides guidance to women like Amy as they grapple with the difficult decision. They receive calls from about 70 women in Queensland each week, mostly through their pregnancy hotline. Employee Michelle Reynolds said speaking to the women made her realise just how hard it could be to access services in the Sunshine State and beyond. "We live in a postcode lottery kind of a system where some hospitals are more willing to provide support than others," she said.

Photo: Daile Kelleher manages Children By Choice, a counselling service offering guidance to woman seeking advice on abortions. (ABC News: Tim Leslie) Statistics on the rate of abortions in Australia are not publicly available. However, extrapolating figures from West Australia and South Australia the only states to make figures available suggests that about 65,000 women terminate their pregnancies each year. Of those, only about 1 per cent are late surgical abortions after 20 weeks. The most common reason for the procedure, according to government reports, is the discovery of foetal abnormalities through medical testing. "There can be some anatomical things that can only be picked up on a morphology scan so often that puts women over the 20 week gestation," Jane Baird, a doctor at the Marie Stopes clinic in Melbourne, said. "A morphology scan can pick up an anatomical problem so, you know, the heart's not formed quite right, kidneys are missing, or there's part of the brain that hasn't developed normally."

Photo: Late surgical abortions are legal in most states, subject to conditions, yet many women are refused the procedure. (ABC News: Tim Leslie) Women urged to 'go through with the pregnancy' Critics of pregnancy terminations worry abortions are becoming too widely and easily available. Wendy Francis from the Australian Christian Lobby is opposed to what she described as "abortion on demand". She said legislation aimed at decriminalising abortion in Queensland must include strict limitations to ensure women are given the time and space to make informed decisions. "In this day and age most people are having ultrasounds, and on Facebook we see pictures of a moving baby, so we are more and more aware that this is actually human life inside the womb," she said. "As the baby grows in the womb, I think we're more aware of its little mannerisms." The bill, due to be debated in Parliament in October, would allow for abortions "on request" up to 22 weeks. If the legislation passes, Ms Francis fears the number of abortions in Queensland will rise. "I don't think there's any doubt of that, because the law has an effect of instructing people and maintaining a certain regime," she said. "I'm not wanting to put blame or shame on women, I just think we need to walk beside women to help them see there is a way they can go through with the pregnancy." Ms Francis, who supports abortion in cases where a mother's life is at risk, said she was also motivated by concerns for the welfare of unborn babies. "It's important to ask where does human life actually commence," she said. "And if it commences in the womb, then we do have a responsibility for human rights?"

Photo: Children By Choice receives ABOUT 70 calls from women in Queensland each week. (ABC News: Tim Leslie) But Dr Baird said the choice to have an abortion should be available to women whenever it was safe to provide one. "I don't feel that anyone's less deserving of a termination just because more time's gone by for them," she said. "People are so unique and their life circumstances are so unpredictable, that you can never say 'it's OK to this point, but it's not OK past that line'." There is strong demand for late surgical abortions at the clinic but a shortage of doctors to perform the procedures. Kylie (surname withheld) manages the facility and is also a midwife. She said there was not a lot of interest in the field from within the medical sector. "The one thing we do struggle with is getting staff," she said. As a result, the clinic has turned to fly-in, fly-out doctors to fill the gap. "We literally have to fly them here. We don't have a Victorian doctor to do it," she said. "I don't know why. They understand the demand is there. We'd love to have them." Topics:abortion,reproduction-and-contraception,health,feminism,community-and-society,religion-and-beliefs,women-religious,womens-status,human-rights,womens-health,women,melbourne-3000,brisbane-4000,australia First posted September 08, 2018 06:02:20 http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-09-08/abortion-clinic-providing-late-surgical-abortions/10210656