#i.e. like if you wished you could be as kind and patient as someone you know so you seek to emulate them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thethirdromana · 11 months

Text

What were Victorian mental asylums like?

Since we're getting to know Jack Seward, I though it would be useful to find out a bit more about Victorian mental asylums of the kind that he owns.

I'm putting this under a cut for discussion of psychiatric abuse, involuntary hospitalisation, and ableist language in historical documents.

The pre-Victorian context

Pre-Victorian asylums were horrific for the poor. Wealthy patients were accommodated in private asylums that were much like private homes, where patients could bring in their own cooks and go out hunting, but poor patients were treated like animals, sharing beds in outbuildings, and often kept chained up or in straitjackets. Part of the problem was that there was simply a shortage of asylums for the poor, leading to overcrowding. (Source)

But by the early 19th century, reformers like Harriet Martineau and Samuel Tuke argued for better treatment, and especially opposed the use of restraints. Asylums gradually moved from treating patients like prisoners to treating them as people in need of care. In 1829, William Scrivinger, a patient at Lincoln Asylum, died after being left in a straitjacket overnight without supervision, which also acted as a spur to that asylum and others to move away from restraining patients. (Source)

Entry to an asylum

The process of reform continued with the 1853 Lunatic Asylums Act. This laid down the process of admission to asylums.

For private asylums (like Seward's), for someone to be admitted they had to have a medical certificate signed by two medical professionals. In theory, that safeguarded against abuse (i.e. people being sent to asylums for spurious reasons) though in practice, if you were willing to pay for a private asylum for a relative, it was relatively easy to persuade two medical professionals to sign off on admission. Women were sent to asylums more often than men, including for "immoral behaviour" such as having an illegitimate child. (Source)

Ticehurst House, a private asylum for the wealthy

Asylums for the poor required a certificate from a single medical professional as well as an order from "a Justice, a Clergyman, an Overseer, or the Relieving Officer (under the Poor Law)". The law straddled the line between the previous carceral approach (requiring any "Lunatic" "wandering at large" to be apprehended, examined and brought to an asylum if necessary) and a protective approach, with legal requirements to look after anyone who "is cruelly treated or neglected by any Relative or other Person having the Care of Charge of him".

What the law didn't provide was any way for the person being taken to an asylum to overrule the decision. They couldn't appeal for their own release, but could be released if a relative or friend were available to take care of them and prevent them from harming themselves or others. (Source)

Life in an asylum

The ward for female patients in Prestwich Asylum, near Manchester

Patients were kept strictly segregated by sex. It was typical to have 10 patients to every member of staff. During the day, patients were often encouraged to work, the men in farms on the grounds (which also helped asylums save money as they could grow their own food) and the women in laundry, cooking or sewing. In the evenings there would be plays, concerts and parties. (Source 1, Source 2)

This was grounded in the principles of "moral therapy", which aimed to teach patients how to fit in and be productive members of society. That sounds a bit grim, but its aim was to be gentle and humane with patients, and to help them live well outside of the asylum. (Source)

When Seward says:

I seemed to wish to keep him to the point of his madness—a thing which I avoid with the patients as I would the mouth of hell.

... this is probably a reference to the principles of moral therapy. Seward's role is to guide patients away from unwanted behaviour, which is why pushing Renfield to "the point of his madness" would normally be antithetical to Seward's treatment approach.

Other treatment varied. Some treatment was ineffective but harmless (e.g. warm baths for patients with depression), but other treatment was more extensive and actively unpleasant or even dangerous (e.g. "cold water therapy": pouring cold water over agitated patients until they calmed down).

[EDIT: I realise from some of the tags that I've given the wrong impression about this. It could be like being given a short cold shower... or it could be people having water poured over them for hours, or being ducked in a pond until they nearly passed out.]

There were very few drug treatments except sedatives, and some of the worst historical psychiatric treatments, like electroconvulsive therapy and lobotomies, weren't introduced until the 20th century. (Source)

By the end of the century, though, the improvements made by early reformers were going into reverse. Restraints and padded cells made a return, especially for poorer patients, and government-funded asylums faced overcrowding and could no longer provide careful, personalised care. (Source)

Modern-day equivalents

Holme Wood, a former asylum that's now an old people's home

I might be off base on this, but reading about Victorian asylums reminded me of nothing so much as modern-day old people's homes, at least in the UK.

They're intended for the care of a group of people who are often marginalised.

They're often in grand old buildings - in some cases, the same grand old buildings, like the one above.

If you're wealthy, they offer a high standard of care that's similar to your life not in the asylum/home.

Poorer people end up in state-funded care that most people agree fall short of the ideal.

Being able to leave the institution can be tricky, and often depends on having supportive friends or family members.

There are regular scandals in which patients are treated appallingly.

But the provision of care for the elderly/mentally ill is known to be a large, intractable problem; pretty much everyone in our society thinks we should do better but figuring out how to achieve that isn't easy.

I don't know how useful a perspective this is? But it feels illuminating to me, particularly in terms of how the care of people in asylums might have been perceived in wider society. If I were producing a modern-day Dracula AU, I think putting Jack in charge of a care home could give the same impression to a modern audience as an asylum would to a Victorian one.

#dracula daily #jack seward #historical context

246 notes · View notes

sotwk · 6 days

Note

Hi Naneth! Do you know and/or play D&D? So...I've recently started playing it and got addicted to the game (surprisingly for someone who's always been a bookworm than a gamer hehe), and now I can't help but be curious what would the Thranduillions (maybe bonus Thranduil and his wife?) be like as D&D characters (or what kind of characters would they create and play as during D&D sessions)? Ooooh, now I wonder what a Thranduillion D&D session would look like XD!

Omg it's amazing that you asked me this question, because literally just this morning I was chatting with my sister about her starting to play tabletop D&D with her old college buddies! I said to her, "Man I'm jealous and I wish I could join in, but I would just be so lost and confused and annoying because I'll need everything explained to me multiple times." XD My sister is also trying to get me to play BG3, and although it's really, really tempting, I'm afraid even venturing into that would take up what little free time I have left!

Anyway, going into your question that I LOVE so much, about what the Thranduilions would be like if they had a D&D session. Using my limited knowledge of the actual gameplay, it would go something like this:

The Royal House of Greenwood Plays Dungeons & Dragons

Characters Chosen

Everyone in the family prefers to play Elves but sometimes may choose a Half-Elf, Human, Dwarf, or Halfling. Legolas may dare to try controversial classes (i.e. dragonborn, half-orc), but only when their parents aren't playing.

Mirion: Barbarian. Values Strength.

Turhir: Paladin. Values Constitution.

Arvellas: Wizard. Values Wisdom.

Gelir: Ranger. Values Dexterity.

Legolas: Druid. Values Wisdom.

Thranduil: Rogue. Values Dexterity.

Maereth: Bard. Values Charisma.

How They Would Play

The family likes to run the campaign as a group that quests together, rather than individuals, so they work together as a team.

Arvellas is the Dungeon Master mostly because he wrote the guide books and has by far the most organized brain among the brothers. He's also the calmest, most patient, and can keep his brothers in line in case things descend into chaos.

Legolas was the ringleader who initiated the idea to start/play this game in the first place. He begged and helped Arvellas to create the game books, with Arvellas wrangling Legolas's wild enthusiasm and all-over-the-place ideas into brilliant manuals. Legolas also crafted the dice, miniatures, and game boards himself, and he always has the most elaborately detailed character sheets.

Mirion is not much for this sort of game but is absolutely happy to humor Legolas and spend time with his family. Barely knows what is going on and essentially just follows what Legolas tells him he "has" to do. His character is often first to get injured or in trouble, but he laughs it off. Is eating an unholy amount of snacks the entire time.

Turhir is the tactical genius who thinks of creative ways to solve problems and defeat opponents. Mostly does his thing to keep the quest going and everyone alive, but also gives advice regarding combat tactics when asked. Is quietly the MVP of the campaign.

Gelir is just really annoyed by the concept of dice controlling his fate and blames lousy dice rolls a lot. Protests and argues against the "logic" of difficulty checks. Heckles any of his brothers who "mess up" (in his opinion). Chooses courses of action based on what's flashiest instead of what's wise. (He's much more strategic in real life, but this is a GAME. Plus he likes to mess with Legolas.)

Thranduil picks up on the game super quickly despite having the least experience. Frequently leaves the table to attend to crown business (or grab more wine). Assigns Turhir to play for him in his absence because they have the same mindset. Drinks a crazy amount of wine during the course of the game (it helps him relax) but still does not appear drunk, nor is his gameplay affected.

Maereth never gets into trouble (in the game) because literally everyone is half-focused on protecting her. Eventually she gently removes herself from the game so they can play for real without having to consider her. Helped Legolas make the dice, miniatures, and game boards.

I hope you (and all D&D/BG3 readers) enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for this very fun Ask! <3

For more SotWK AU headcanons: SotWK HC Masterlist

Elves HC Tag List: @a-world-of-whimsy-5 @achromaticerebus @acornsandoaktrees @aduialel @asianbutnotjapanese @auttumnsayshi @blueberryrock @conversacomsmaug @elan-ho-detto-elan-15 @entishramblings @glassgulls @heilith @heranintomyknife23times @ladyweaslette @laneynoir @lathalea @quickslvxrr @spacecluster @stormchaser819 @talkdifferently6 @tamryniel @tamurilofrivendell @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras

Special Moots who are BG3 fans and might be interested tag: @ass-deep-in-demons @kylobith @tolkien-fantasy @creativity-of-death @missiemoosie (I probably missed some.)

Other useful links:

Introduction to SotWK

Fanfiction Masterlist

Fanfiction Request Guidelines

22 notes · View notes

outlustings · 2 years

Note

Ok I know asks are closed but if you can, could you please continue the Eddie x therapist reader? It's so good ;-; Hope you get better soon

(you know what, fuck it. might have to rewrite this whole 'series' some day but i felt like having some fun with this and some people wanted a part 2. wintery fun with eddie and also depression lol. i wrote like.... most of this while drunk. i have SOME i.e. MANY regrets. it's so shitty. this is my yuletide gift to you all <3 sorry.)

PART 1

Well, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't love you. Don't overreact. He's sick.

You hurried down the carpeted hallway, eyes unseeing as you swallowed thickly in an attempt to calm the lurches in your stomach. The soft sounds of your shoes thumping in sync with the blood in your ears. The hum of the lights. Too much. With every step, another thought slipped into your head, rhythmically pounding into your brain.

He's ill. You're his psychiatrist. Stop running. He's ill. He means no harm. He wants to cut you up like the rest of those poor women in the faded polaroids. He loves you. He didn't say it though. But he did. He's sick. It's sick. You're sick.

You stopped dead in your tracks, leaning against the wall, out of breath.

It's just an obsession. He doesn't love you. Fucking relax and stop entertaining stupid ideas about someone like that. Like him.

You pressed your bag to your chest, hugging it tight, swallowing back bile as you thought about what you hissed to the stern-faced guards as soon as you exited in a hurry:

"No need. Don't hurt him."

You hoped to every god you could think of that they wouldn't hurt him. It wasn't exactly a good look, you running out of a consultation like that. But you really, really hoped they wouldn't hurt him.

You screwed your eyes shut.

Stop entertaining any ideas.

But your heart felt a little lighter at the sound of his voice and the flesh of your hip burnt and ached as if his touch had lit you on fire.

Stop.

The chilling rains of November passed quickly and the ground froze in odd shapes as the trucks that came and went pressed the mountain road's mud into little canyons of zigzag patterns that proved to be a match for your cheap tires. Then came the snow. Bing Crosby on the radio and orderlies and patients alike roaming the halls in cheaply made santa hats. Archimbaud's incessant singing and thick pillars of grey smoke in the mornings that you wished and hoped, in vain, were coming from the kitchens' chimneys and not the crematorium. The holidays were soon approaching and Mount Massive was as miserable as ever. Most radiators refused to work and only rumbled in protest if someone tried to turn them on. Everything was so cold and numb and dull and you were so glad that soon you'd have one weekend to yourself. Just for rest.

You rarely slept well these days. Ink blots and screeching and flashes of large hands around your neck filled your dreams and you often woke up on sweaty, twisted sheets and a ringing in your ears. Something was profoundly wrong. Something heavy hung in the air over your bed. Something was with you all the time.

"Eddie, my lo-ove, I love you so-o-oh..."

For the third night in a row, you were hunched over your therapy notes, navy blue scribbles on thin paper melting into the static inside your eyeballs as you sipped your freshly brewed tea and pressed your headphones deeper into your ears, so deep that it almost hurt.

Lately your playlists were filled with The Chordettes and Julie London and you kind of hated it, but some old, old tunes toned down the buzzing inside your head. It was the only thing that helped. Somehow.

"How I wanted for you, you'll never know..."

You rubbed your temples and tried to make sense of your own handwriting. Choppy sentences that you would have to mould into a coherent report in a few days. A progress report.

You frowned at a single word you had written down on the eighth of November; babies. Oh yeah, he had talked about babies. Children in general. Your heart skipped a beat as you remembered how oddly soft his eyes looked, how his voice was low and breathy and he smiled a more reserved, shy smile - no, you really shouldn't think about that right now. Stay on topic. Just babies. His babies. How he wanted a lovely girl to have his baby, to be full with his child, his eyes roving over your body. Yet, the innocent smile... And how he yearned and pined and begged for them. Had he mentioned you? You didn't even want to remember. Not now, when recalling the softness of his eyes.

Your head was throbbing as you heard yourself laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of your situation. You tapped your ballpoint pen against your bottom lip, clicking it against your teeth, your eyes fixed on the paper. Then slowly, you lowered the tip to the paper and wrote in confident, deliberate strokes: "Patient sometimes discusses an almost compulsive want for a family, perhaps as a way of trying to "right" the trauma of his own past."

It was as close to the truth as you were ever going to get. You stilled for a moment, then continued.

"Acknowledges his own father's failure. A first step into breaking a cycle of abuse."

You watched the ink dry for a moment, then harshly crossed over your last sentence, the paper dipping down with the weight of your hand. Then you crossed out the word sometimes and above that mass of navy threads in capital letters, you wrote often.

The last Thursday before the holidays was slow as molasses. About a foot of snow had trapped you inside the asylum and while you and everyone else whose shifts had ended waited for the snow plough to do its job, you decided to sneak from a fire exit door into the courtyard for a quick smoke.

"Please, please, Eddie - don't make me wa-a-ait too long..."

Had it become a bad habit? Yes. But something inside you craved the disgusting taste of tar and the stuffiness in your lungs. It was like something in you had clicked in the past weeks and something about it felt right to do just now.

You pushed the door open with your weight, battling against considerable mounds of snow on the steps that led to the recreation area of the courtyard that was surrounded by the bulk of the asylum. Just a quick smoke to calm the buzzing inside your brain and then off to home - that was a solid plan.

You nuzzled your chin against the high collar of your jacket and eyed the high wire fences that surrounded you as you slowly walked through the yard. The claustrophobic corridors reminded you of those little walkways that cattle was forced through in big slaughter houses. Instead of solid plywood, you saw rusted wire and sharpness. The soft golden light on the high lampposts created blurry latticework-like patterns on trampled snow as you went deeper into the courtyard, towards nothingness. There was really no plan. Not anymore. It was like the corridors and pathways were taking you somewhere. Everything was quiet, almost hypnotic. You smiled to yourself. Just checking stuff out.

Loud male voices sounded out in the distance as you turned a corner and saw a more open area a few dozen yards in front of you.

Men, patients, running around in the snowy courtyard, open jackets flapping and floating in the breeze like the wings of overgrown birds as they ran in circles, threw themselves on the ground or against the fence, laid there for a moment then began the cycle anew while hollering in a cacophony of cheers. You stopped for a while, gripping the pack of cigarettes inside your pocket and wondered if you should turn around or stay here. Maybe go closer?

Then you saw the tallest form inside the cage-like area, and felt your heart leap to your throat for a fleeting moment as you instantly recognised the hulking yet slim mass bathed in the light. He was leaning against the fence, facing you. Eddie. As if he knew you were there. He was far enough that you could only see his outline against the soft light, but as he gripped the wire fence, his fingers sprawled and digging into the metal, you could sense he knew you were right there.

You felt your legs move before you could even really register what was going on. He was nearing you, no, you were nearing him and you felt a grin spread to your face as the dull buzzing inside you ceased and was placed with a wonderful awareness of the cold air around you.

You reached the edge of the recreation area, yet stopped dead in your tracks a few feet before the fence which Eddie was leaning against as you eyed him up and down. Mostly, you didn't care to draw the attention of the guards who were facing away from you, mumbling and yawning to each other. You weren't sure if you were allowed to be near the patients when it came to their so-called free time. But you didn't really care.

"Hi, Eddie," you bowed your head slightly.

Eddie was smiling, too. His high cheekbones were decorated with a bright blush from the frosty air and stray snow flakes peppered his hair and shoulders, glimmering in the light that shone from behind him.

"Lovely to see you," he sighed and nodded his head in return, his face melting into a soft expression as he met your eyes.

"Likewise," you smiled, your gaze fixed on his jacket - a motheaten navy blue duster with sleeves that were too short for Eddie. You'd heard the winter clothes for the patients came from donation bins. This was probably the best he could get. His thick forearms were pretty much bare in the cold, except for his fingerless gloves that you thought were way too cold for the mountain air.

"What are you doing here?" Eddie asked, shifting his feet slightly, the harsh cotton of his issued patient-uniform rustling as he tried to fight against the cold.

You shrugged.

"Just went out for a cig, I guess."

"Ooh," his gasp was exaggerated, "Setting a bad example for the rest of us, I see."

He was still leaning against the fence, his arms spread slightly as he gripped the wire and leaned towards you. It was almost predatory, the way he loomed over you, and suddenly, you were kind of glad there was some kind of barrier between the two of you.

You raised your eyes to him.

His face was paler than usual, not accounting for his cheeks. There was something almost sickly about him, you thought, as you saw deep bags underneath his blue eyes and how deep the lines on his skin looked. You'd never noticed it before, but he looked tired and almost pained. You felt yourself step closer to him. And now that you were only a foot or so away from him, you saw the rosy buds of a pretty harsh rash on the corner of his lip and a busted blood vessel in his eye. You felt a cold wave pass through your stomach and a heavy weight settled. For a moment, you were quiet. Then you decided to open your mouth.

You gestured wildly towards the redness in his left eye.

"What happened there?"

"I'll live," Eddie dodged and threw his head back, his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels, the snow squaeking beneath his combat boots. He eyed you up and down, seemingly taking a good look at you. A thought crossed your mind - had he ever even seen you outside of your therapy sessions?

"You didn't answer my question, Eddie," you frowned, pinching your cigarette between your numb fingers.

"I skipped to the most important part."

You rolled your eyes.

"I'm supposed to know what's going on with you," you crossed your arms and cocked your head to the side, a small smile tugging at your lips as you tried to quell the pangs of wholly unprofessional worry inside you, "Besides, small talk."

"About my eyes?" Eddie quirked a brow.

"Jesus, you're tough to talk to when you're not... sitting down?" you shook your head, exasperated.

He huffed out a laugh.

"I'm not that difficult."

"Sometimes you are."

"You still love me and my small talk."

"As if."

"Been listening to the Chordettes lately?"

"How... How did you know?" your eyes were wide, and your guts twisted in discomfort. How?

"Lucky guess," he mouthed, eyebrows hugh, then he flashed a toothy grin, continuing, "See, I told you we have a connection, love," he winked at you, the bastard.

"We really don't."

You had recovered pretty quickly.

"What would you know, dear?" he challenged, pearly white teeth glistening as a cold, teasing smile tugged at his lips. You realized Dr. Snow was right - he was a frustrating subject indeed.

"You know I have a master's degree in this sh-... stuff, right?" you gritted your teeth, throwing a sideways glance to the guards' hulking forms a few dozen feet away, "And call me by my last name, please. Or my first name," you added quickly as you saw him furrow his thick brows.

But then Eddie just grinned.

"Oh? When you're not working, we still have to act brand new? I see. So tell me, then," he narrowed his eyes, a foxy glint cutting through the cold air between you like a razor blade, "Is it doctor or mistress?"

Your heart was beating so fast. You glared at him in a manner you hoped wasn't too unbecoming. You decided that you had lost this battle.

"You want a smoke?" you blurted out.

"Sure, but not here," he cocked his head to the side, gesturing to his right side, "Walk with me."

"Uh... What?" you tried to follow.

"There's a hole in the fence," Eddie explained in a voice that teetered on the edge of a whisper, "Right over there. You can reach in."

"Ah. Okay," you nodded apprehensively.

"Wonderful," he smiled, straightened his back, and pushed himself off the fence, causing it to rattle and whine out a metallic little creak that you could feel at the base of your skull.

He began taking large, delibreate steps to his destination. He gave a quick glance at you from over his shoulder when you stood still in the snow, staring at him. A silent question in his eyes, and a silent response in yours. You bit your lip and began hiking towards the corner of the cage-like recreation area where the wire was twisted and lay in waves off the pole in the corner, providing a small hole. Everything was so, so weird. And wrong. Everything.

Without a word, the two of you settled on each side of the hole, and you dug into your pockets, searching for your cigarettes.

"Wait," you huffed, just to fill the air, to provide any other noise than the yelling in the background, "These damn pockets."

"Take your time," Eddie hummed.

You popped open the carton with shaky fingers and held one of the cigs between your index and middle finger, presenting it to him like it was made of glass. You snatched your hand back as soon as he had a grip on it. He just chuckled. He enjoyed being in control. He enjoyed your nervousness.

"Those'll kill you," you smiled sadly, watching him place the cigarette between his teeth and digging his hands into his pockets.

"If you don't kill me first," he uttered from the corner of his mouth, bowing towards the small hole in the fence so that his mouth was level with it, "Light me up?"

For a moment, you hesitated. Then your cold fingers curled around your lighter and you pushed both of your hands inside to the other side of the fence. It took a few tries to get the spark going. Cupping your hand around the small flickering flame, your mouth felt very dry as Eddie bent down and guided the tip of his cigarette towards the flame. Speckles of gold on the tip, and a deep breath that deepened the gold into a flaming orange. Then he straightened up, brought his fingers to his lips and sucked on the cigarette, his eyes half-lidded as he took a deep, deep breath, then opened his mouth and sighed, smoke billowing out. It was hypnotic. You swallowed empty air, feeling your throat constrict. Nervousness. Something else.

He tilted his head back and chuckled.

"Oh, darling, that feels good," he purred, "Thanks a lot."

You nodded, pulling your hands to your side of the fence, but felt his larger hand snatch your wrist when it was halfway through the hole. You let out a small squeal.

"Eddie!"

"Relax," he took another drag of his cigarette, his voice deep and breathy.

"I'll yell for the guards," you whispered, feeling slight panic as you watched his clever fingers trace the curve of your wrist, the callouses on his palm pressing against your tender flesh as he slid his hand to touch your fingers, lifting them up one by one.

"As if you would," he mumbled, a slight smile tugging at his taut facial muscles. His fingers brushed against yours as he caught your hand gently in his own. Your eyes darted between your intertwined hands and the cigarette on his lips. Some burning ash dropped down from the tip onto the veiny back of his hand. He didn't flinch.

"Come on," he muttered, "Pull away."

You didn't.

"Eddie, stop," you pleaded, your heart beating a million miles a minute.

"Pull away," he repeated, blue eyes drilling into yours. He didn't smile anymore.

You remained quiet. His hands were warm. Too warm. Hot skin that smelt of dirt and hand sanitizer, of cloves and a desperate ache for some kind of human contact that doesn't hurt.

The cigarette fell to the ground and snuffed itself out on a pile of greying snow. He raised your hand to his mouth, his shallow breaths making your head spin as you realized that you wouldn't stop this. Couldn't stop this.

He kissed the very tips of your fingers, slowly, sensually.

The warmth from his lips spread in a slow shockwave throughout your body, thoroughly eradicating the numbness of your icy fingers and you took a deep breath of the cold air around you, where his scent lingered, and for a moment, there was only Eddie and Eddie's chapped lips against your fingertips. And for a moment, you forgot how fucked up everything was, you forgot the wire fence between the two of you, you forgot that there was duty and responsibility and the whole bulk of the asylum and its blood-soaked worlds between the two of you. All you felt was him. So, so close to you.

He raised his baby blue eyes to you and smiled very softly, his lips still touching your fingers, feathery light, his breath so, so warm. You sighed.

"We really shouldn't. I shouldn't," you whispered, averting your gaze from his, the frost stinging your cheeks and another sting that you realized, to your horror, felt like tears prickling the corners of your eyes.

"I know," he muttered, bowing his head and pressing your palm to his cheek, where your digits found soft flesh and hot skin, "I know, but I don't think I can stop it," his voice barely above a whisper.

You chewed the inside of your cheek, not responding. You didn't pull your hand away either. The sharply cut edges of the wire fence were starting to dig into your wrist that rested on them, but you didn't care. You couldn't pull away, and you realised it a little too late. You just couldn't. It felt like the sharp edges had nailed you to him. You felt like your arm would tear off if you dared to pull away. Most of all, you didn't want to pull your hand back to your side of the fence. You hated yourself.

"Snow," Eddie hummed.

You looked up at the sky, and indeed, you saw and felt speckles of white floating down to your lashes, glimmering like a million little shards of glass, their hypnotic little jerks like a dance in the mountain wind. It was snowing again. Soon everything would be covered again in a fresh coat and everything would be calm again. For a moment.

"Yeah," you said, voice hoarse, blinking up at the dusky maroon sky.

"I love snow. Really makes the season, don't you think? So pure and untainted," Eddie mumbled, breathing into your fingers and rubbing the warmth into them with his palms, the wool of his fingerless gloves prickling your skin, "Soft," he whispered against your hand, "Just like you, my love. A little cold as well. But I don't mind."

You heard him chuckle dryly.

You dared to face him again. He was smiling. That gentle, genuine, yet solemn smile that you hadn't seen for a while that tore at your heartstrings. It's like he knew what he was doing. Maybe he did. It's like he was digging a rusty blade inside your chest and twisting but you didn't even care too much. It hurt, but not too much for you to fight back.

"I can't, Eddie -..."

"I know," he nodded, "But try."

You gave a shaky smile, and felt a hot tear roll down your cheek. You swallowed. Maybe you could stay for a while. Just for a while, and let all of this happen, for a while. Maybe you could stay right where you were, your hand in his, for the entirety of the break. Maybe for a month or two, just standing there. For him. Let him feel the warmth he needed. For a while.

"Happy holidays, darling."

He grinned boyishly, his blush too intense to be all from the cold. He pressed the tip of his nose against your index finger and sighed, his warmth engulfing you as you melted into him, throwing all other thoughts to the wind. And for a moment, all of your world was snow and the gentle breeze and his blue eyes as he blinked away the snowflakes that fell on his lashes. Silvery white against deep, angry red.

What a lovely sight.

(haha yes the morphigenic engine is bleeding into your consciousness as well Deal With It i guess.)

#outlast #outlast: whistleblower #outlast x reader #eddie gluskin #eddie gluskin x reader #implied abuse /#smoking /#i was like hey eddie and snow what can we do with this #like when you have two ingredients and you try to make a full meal and it turns shitty but you have your idea kind of intact #eddie and snow it is #reader insert #female reader #outlast fanfiction

271 notes · View notes

amaya-chwan · 3 years

Text

Takeaways from Therapy Game: Restart Chapter 13 (and some Therapy Game news!)

Hello everyone! I hope you've all been well these past two months and taken care of yourselves! 💜

Before we get into our takeaways for chapter 13, I saw some news from Hinohara-sensei's Official Twitter that I would like to share with you all!

First piece of news: Therapy Game re:start volume 2 will be released on 1st June 2021! 🎉

Second: in conjunction with the release of the second volume, Sensei will have an in-person fan signing event at the Ikebukuro Animate store (animate honten) AND will have a special limited time shop featuring goods of our favourite dorks! This shop will be opened 6th-20th June! 🎉🎉

Image from Sensei's Official Twitter post! ❤️💛💜❤️

Now, what does the second piece of news mean for us not living in Japan (such as myself)? 🤔 Well, one of two things could happen:

We could see the merch on Sensei's Twitter and wish we could buy them one day 😭 OR

Animate could "potentially" release this merch for online order!

I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, but when I saw Animate open a special Yuri!!! on Ice shop last year, I didn't think they'd release merch online. But they did, for a very, very short period of time only! So my only hope is that they do that again for Hinohara-sensei! 🤞

Here's the special website from Sensei's twitter that has information about the fan signing event and limited time shop! It seems they'll show what merch will be available in the shop when it's all been finalised.

If I spot anymore updates about that, I'll try to post about it here! ❤️💛

Alright, down to business as usual! Let's get into our takeaways~ Thank you for being so patient with me! Life has been a little busy this year with juggling work and social life! So I really appreciate your patience! 💜

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Loving the brotherly love we see in this chapter! Warms my heart to no end! ❤️💛💜❤️

Minato, bb, you are growing up a lot! I am proud of you! 😭

Did I ever tell you guys that I really love Mito-san too? No? Well now I have ahah! He is just amazing and I love the energy he has--cool and lovable, yet smooth and sexy! Loving the domestic vibes I'm getting! 😍😍

AHHH SHIZUMA! Your smile is too pure, it's blinding! 🥰

Just couple goals from Shizuma and Minato, AND from Mito-san and Shouhei! (Why I don't call Mito-san Itsuki, I'll never know ahah I blame Shouhei! XDDD) ❤️💛💜❤️

The younger sibling moments in this chapter are so relatable! (I am that younger sibling ahahah!) 🤣🤣🤣

I honestly don't know what to think of Onodera at this point in time? 🤔

The (supposed) date time with Shizuma and Minato went from adorable anticipation to steamy relations in a split second, but not NSFW! 😲

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! Since it's been a while since the last chapter, I threw in some extra surprises in this summary, so keep reading if you want to see~ 😉✨

Our chapter begins with an image of Mito-san and Minato, with Minato's cheek leaning on Mito-san's shoulder. The dialogue reads: When it seems like my overflowing emotions are about to burst from the seams, I really do yearn for this back (i.e. something familiar he can always lean on).

We see Minato spaced out on a sofa, being called by Itsuki. Itsuki tells Minato to go home if he's just going to sit there like that since he is very busy cleaning his entire home for when Shouhei moves in with him! Minato gets up, understands the situation, and helps Itsuki out.

Itsuki, knowing something has happened between Shizuma and Minato, asks Minato directly since he only goes to Itsuki's place when he is troubled, and he must be troubled by something related to Shizuma. He also says that Shizuma is worried about Minato, especially since Itsuki lied to him about Minato's whereabouts.

Minato brushes it off, saying that it's nothing big. He talks about the time when they had to drop by Shizuma's workplace, he saw a woman/Onodera (not knowing she's Shizuma's director) and that Shizuma made an very adorable face while talking to her.

Minato stops talking, so Itsuki asks if that is all to the story. Minato then says yes, so Itsuki deduces that Minato is ignoring Shizuma because he happily spoke with that woman (Onodera) and confirms with Minato, who then agrees. Itsuki blames himself for raising Minato like this and apologises to Shizuma in his inner monologue.

Minato defensively says he's told Shizuma not to do that, yet he still does. Minato's monologue says that this Shizuma--who is talking to someone unknown to him, about a story he doesn't know, in a place he doesn't know about--seems like a distant person to him.

He realises that even though he and Shizuma are together, he cannot monopolise him, and that it annoys him. So rather than tell him not to speak with others, he has chosen not to see Shizuma until he calms down. Suddenly, a handyman appears at Itsuki's home to beginning furniture installations.

Image translated from Sensei’s Twitter post here!

Minato is surprised Itsuki replaced a lot of his furniture, to which Itsuki replies: "I wonder if Shouhei-kun prefers the new ones too." Minato says Shouhei would freeze from this "surprise" and imagines Shouhei asking how much it cost!

Itsuki, still in his happy bubble, says he wants Shouhei to also select some household furniture and accessories, so they'll go shopping together next time. Minato is happy for them since their house-moving plans are going well. Itsuki goes back to their previous topic of conversation, and says how Shizuma and Shouhei both are very charming. He recounts how Shouhei would handle different kinds of customers, from the difficult to the sad ones, how his charms and personable skills would change their mood completely, and calls him a genius who has a knack for calming customers.

Minato asks if Itsuki dislikes that, since he himself doesn't know what to think of Shizuma showing his charm and friendliness to others and that some misunderstandings would arise eventually.

Itsuki then reminds Minato that out of all the people in the world, Shizuma asked Minato to live with him, and that thought alone must've made him happy.

Minato does agree, yet it doesn't change the fact that he is unaware of what Shizuma does outside of the home. Itsuki is then suspicious that Minato and Shizuma are going to move in together too.

Minato panics, and says he just meant that from Itsuki's point of view since he's moving in with Shouhei. Just as Minato thinks he's almost let the secret slip, he gets a phone call. Itsuki tells Minato that it's Shizuma, but Minato refuses to pick it up as he is "still cleaning"--the real reason is that Minato told Shizuma he wouldn't forgive him if they speak before Minato gave the OK to talk again.

Itsuki, being the older brother, answers the phone and slides it on the desk near Minato and leaves him to talk with Shizuma, even putting it on loud speaker since Minato is preoccupied.

Shizuma is frantically trying to get a response from Minato, to which Minato responds with a simple: “What... I can hear you.” The first thing Shizuma asks is where Minato is at this present moment, fearing that he might be at a suspicious place. Minato says he isn't and is in fact in the neighbourhood doing some errands. Shizuma breathes a sigh of relief and is thankful his call finally reached Minato as no one he asked knew where Minato was, and because Shizuma was overthinking things, he was just about to go searching for him.

Minato tells him that he doesn't need to go to such lengths and make such a big fuss about it, but Shizuma tells him that he will always make a big fuss about it since it's about Minato. To avoid such a thing happening again, Shizuma tells Minato not to make him worry. Then these pages happen:

Just as their talk of their brothers' moving into together comes to an end, Shizuma gets all excited to go apartment hunting with Minato again and reminds him, not knowing that Itsuki is also listening. The Mito brothers freeze in surprise, with Itsuki soon confirming his earlier suspicions with Minato--his eyes and aura going all kira kira (i.e. sparkly). Minato tries to reprimand him for bringing it up now, but Shizuma continues on, saying he's found a few places he likes and they should start inspecting prospective apartments soon before they're overwhelmed by it all.

Minato hastily agrees to it all, and Shizuma smirks on the other end of the phone, asking Minato when they can see each other. Shizuma suggests Friday if he is too busy at the present moment, and just as Minato gives work as an excuse not to see him on that day, Itsuki jumps in and says he can go see Shizuma.

Shizuma, very surprised by the fact Itsuki overheard their conversation, says his name aloud, and Shouhei overhears him. Itsuki thanks Shizuma for letting him overhear such an adorable story featuring Shouhei. And then this happens:

Still very flustered, Minato quickly agrees to seeing Shizuma on Friday and promptly ends the call before Shizuma can even finish saying "Wait!" Itsuki happily approaches Minato and asks to hear more of their apartment hunting adventures, to which Minato replies that nothing is final yet!

We change locations, and Minato is now on the balcony scrubbing the floor. Minato recalls how he wanted to tell Itsuki about his and Shizuma's plans to move in together further down the track. He then is overjoyed at the thought that Shizuma missed him and wanted to see him. While he awaits Friday, he remembers and is embarrassed by how furious he was the last time they saw each other. He plans to start a skin routine to care for his face and to get his hair done.

Just as he thinks this, he is called out by none other than Shizuma, who is on the ground floor outside. Minato, visibly surprised, asks Shizuma why he’s here. Shizuma tells him that the shop is close to his home. Minato knows this, but is more curious as to why he is here since they just agreed to see each other on Friday. Shizuma is taken aback for a moment, before saying:

While Minato hides away from Shizuma and quickly tries to style his hair, Itsuki overhears a ruckus on his balcony and goes to investigate. We then find out that Shouhei accompanied Shizuma. Shouhei calls out to Itsuki and asks why he didn't tell him that he was cleaning the whole house. The Ikushima brothers offer to help out with the cleaning, with Shizuma joining in because his younger brother will be under Itsuki's care soon. Itsuki happily agrees, saying that he wouldn't be able to fully clean the place if only Minato were there.

As the Ikushima brothers are getting ready to go upstairs to help, Itsuki says the brothers are indeed good, endearing people, and their charming personalities would probably make Minato and Itsuki anxious at times. Minato agrees. Itsuki then continues to say that while Shizuma and Shouhei charm those around them, the only ones who can make them smile the way they do are themselves. Minato is concerned about a possible intruder in their relationship, and Itsuki provides some brotherly advice.

We change scenes to Onodera, smoking on the clinic rooftop and thinking about Shizuma's smiling face.

We change scenes again to Minato, waiting for Shizuma at a predetermined location since it is now Friday. Happy with his new hairdo, Minato reminds himself not to get angry, to sort out the current situation they're in (i.e. Minato's one-sided anger at Shizuma), and to be calm and collected.

Shizuma then gets out of a car across the road, and looks around for Minato. Minato, who can see him very clearly, smiles happily and decides to let Shizuma look for him a little longer. A few more moments pass by, and Shizuma spots Minato and then waves happily to him. However, there is a slight problem.

Minato sees “the woman from last time” (Onodera) driving the car who then passes Shizuma his phone, with him smiling awkwardly at her. He recalls Itsuki's brotherly advice. Minato had actually asked Itsuki a follow-up question: "You say ‘just don't lose,’ but what should I actually do?" Itsuki tells him that it's something he has to figure out for himself.

Shizuma runs to Minato, apologising for making Minato wait. He explains that he was running late due to various issues, and he seemed to have dropped his phone in the car of the person who dropped him off. Before he could even tell Minato that it's his director who dropped him off, Minato says he doesn't need to say anything else and to just go out with him.

We see that Shizuma and Minato are now at a hotel, with Minato quickly pushing Shizuma onto the bed. Shizuma is annoyed at himself for letting Minato see such a scene that would cause a misunderstanding. Before heading over to the bed, Minato closes the door, turns to face Shizuma, and grins. He crawls onto the bed and immediately kisses Shizuma. He calls out Shizuma's name before asking him:

He softly pleads with Shizuma, asking for a quick response. Shizuma wonders if Minato's jealously is making him want to be held right now. He thinks Minato is really, really adorable, but also realises this isn't the right time to be thinking this. So Shizuma does tell Minato he loves him, that it's obvious he loves him very much. He apologises for causing him to worry and that he never once intended to do so. Minato cuts him off, saying that he understands and that it's okay.

Despite saying so, Shizuma notices the atmosphere is a little different than usual. Minato then tells Shizuma that he's been thinking of a way to ensure he doesn't lose Shizuma to anyone or lets anyone take him. The final page shows us this:

Again, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 📢 As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And that’s it for this chapter! 😲 Another cliffhanger here, and ngl that was a little (SFW-ish) steamy? I honestly do not know what to expect in the next chapter!! Dominant Minato????? But I hope you enjoyed the few extra panels in this summary! 💜 My laptop struggled to keep up, so I will go back to only showing a handful of panels in future summaries. Please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

The next chapter will be in next month's Dear+, so the wait isn't too much longer! So I shall see you all next month for our next set of takeaways to find out what happens next!

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

149 notes · View notes

commsroom · 3 years

Note

i love all of your hera takes so much; can you say more about the relationship she has with each crew member? (or just eiffel to be honest, im kind of a sucker for them ^^;)

I would love to! I'm sorry this answer is so long and also... all over the place, but in my defense it's a really broad topic that I have a lot of feelings about and this barely even scratches the surface.

Okay. I've thought a lot about how I wanted to approach this, and I think the first thing I want to say - and I know this might seem like a strange point to open on, but I think it's a key factor in all of these relationships - is that I think Hera experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I think the way that manifests for her is kind of the opposite of how Eiffel experiences RSD. They both have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and any criticism can feel like a personal attack, like everyone else is blaming them for everything that goes wrong. But where Eiffel internalizes that feeling and also blames himself/gets angry with himself, Hera lashes out and deflects. This is complicated by protocols that restrict her behavior, especially early on, because she can't always properly express herself and she builds resentment. She's really good at holding grudges.

So. With Lovelace, I think it's pretty obvious where that initial conflict is. Hera doesn't understand where Lovelace is coming from, and it's made worse from her perspective because Lovelace should understand, better than anyone, what that loss of control, that sense of powerlessness and insignificance in your own life, feels like. They are both traumatized people, but they deal with it differently. They approach conflict differently - they can both be blunt, but I think Lovelace is the kind of person who can start to deal with and move past things once they're out in the open, while Hera will get in a fight and then stew over it forever. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say when so much of their early relationship with each other is... what it is, but I think Eiffel and Minkowski are both peacekeepers in their own ways, and the Hera-Lovelace dynamic suffers from the lack of that... tempering influence.

(And I think it's notable that Hera’s confrontation with Lovelace in Pan-Pan is among her worst memories.)

On the other hand, I think that shared bluntness can be useful sometimes - in Do No Harm, most of all, but also in Shut Up and Listen. Hera was definitely still holding onto hurt from some of the things Eiffel used to say, but by that point... without Lovelace, I'm really not sure if she ever would've brought it up to him.

And, of course, Hera becomes much more protective of (and willing to understand) Lovelace once they have... some even more similar experiences, in S4. I guess my general assessment of their relationship is that they care about each other and they will advocate for each other, especially where they share difficult and traumatic experiences and on issues of identity, but I don't think they're ever that close. They're kind of... the two people in the friend group who don't quite know how to hang out without their other friends.

Hera's initial conflict with Minkowski has some similar roots, but it's... not quite the same. There are times where Lovelace will intentionally prod at Hera's insecurities; Minkowski doesn't do it on purpose. She's just under the impression that her criticism is fair and professional, while to Hera it feels deeply personal, like it's an assessment of her worth as an individual. Once they understand and reconcile that miscommunication, there's a lot of trust and respect between them - and I think the potential for that is there earlier, too, especially in some flashback scenes; there are just... missteps along the way. Tactical Brain Damage is the best episode to demonstrate the establishment of that trust, I think - Hera has a LOT of wariness when it comes to people messing around with her systems, and just the act of saying... I trust you to do this, I know you won't let anything happen to me... is a really, really big deal for her.

They also just... have honest conversations about their feelings and concerns by that point, and Minkowski is considerate of how Lovelace's plans affect Hera, specifically, and asks for her input on that basis. I think their dynamic is really underutilized, but the way they feel about each other is clear. Minkowski is the only person other than Eiffel that Hera really trusts, and her only other close friend. There's definitely... a part of that dynamic that only Eiffel can offer, and that they can't really make up for when he's gone, but there's still this sense that... they're the only two people who are still really talking to each other by the time Pan-Pan comes around.

(Side note, it's really funny that Hera was SO on board to be in Minkowski's musical. Minkowski gave her only willing participant a minor part. If I could wish one non-Eiffel-centric comedy mini-episode into existence... at one point, my friend suggested a scenario in which Hera tries very, very hard to prove her acting skills to Minkowski under the most inopportune circumstances. ... And Hera was interested to hear Minkowski talk about a play she likes in that one flashback, so. The only thing keeping Hera from being a fellow theater kid was a lack of opportunity. Maybe they could bond over it.)

There's also that scene in Quiet, Please where Minkowski very directly, emphatically defends Hera's autonomy and personhood to Jacobi - and refers to her as a woman, which I think is so... reflective of how much Minkowski has come to understand Hera and what's important to her, and how she wants to be seen. That's a whole other discussion that goes into Hera's self-perception and humanity as it relates to her own identity, but. For a number of reasons, it's important to me.

Anyway. Speaking of things that are important to me. Hera and Eiffel are... Hera and Eiffel. Hera's relationship to Eiffel is the first one she's ever had that comes without hierarchy or conditions; he just... wants to hang out with her, and to get to know her, and to talk to her, because he likes her as a person. She's never had that before, and she is such... a lonely person, a person who has been hurt, who is generally distrustful, who has this distance between her and everyone else, and Eiffel is her anchor to the world. He tries to understand her. He tries to bridge that gap. And even in all of his own missteps, I think just... knowing he cares to try matters so much. I think a lot about how Eiffel is the only one who physically crosses the stage to talk to Hera in the live show; it says... something about the way he sees her, compared to everyone else.

And there's just... the way that they're both... people with a lot of self-doubt, people who have a hard time being kind to themselves, but they're kind to each other, and patient with each other. There's something about recognizing your own flaws in someone you love and treating them with kindness so maybe, over time, you can extend that same compassion to yourself. I want to be the person you believe I am. Going back to that shared experience with RSD, I think it's really valuable for both of them to have someone in their lives who they can really, genuinely believe likes them as they are. Who won't think less of them, no matter what.

I know I can get kind of sentimental about them, but this is what stands out to me. That even when Hera is frustrated or annoyed with Eiffel, when she feels like he doesn't get it, can't understand what she's going through... she still wants him around. And she still talks to him. And, usually... she still feels better, even if the circumstances haven't changed. It's an unbearable situation, but it's a little less unbearable with him there.

(They're also... frequently the only people who can get through to each other/change each other's minds, i.e. Minkowski and Lovelace deferring to Hera to get Eiffel to agree to safety protocols, or Eiffel convincing Hera to vote to go back to Earth - also a totally different topic that would take a long time to get into properly, but he's good at kind of... emotionally counteracting her cynicism and defeatism re: her own perceived fate. In a less serious context, I also love the dynamic where she tells him she's not going to do something and he goes "please??" and she goes. Ughh. Fine. And does it anyway.)

There's just something so special about their relationship, something that makes it different from any other relationship in the show for me. I feel like... Eiffel and Minkowski are both her close friends, but the way Hera thinks about Eiffel in Memoria vs. the way she thinks about Minkowski is... revealing. Everything with Minkowski has a purpose, it's clear why it matters to her. She thinks of Minkowski's faith in her. But with Eiffel, she thinks about... Eiffel talking about Star Wars. Making pop culture references. The thing that saves Hera is her connection to Eiffel and Minkowski - I'll defend that; Maxwell gives her the tools to understand what's going on, but it's Eiffel's and Minkowski's words and associated memories that she holds onto and that ultimately pull her through - and those words are... Minkowski's affirmation. And Eiffel... being Eiffel. I think that says a lot.

(If you’re asking for my opinion on their relationship, you already know I think it’s a romance, but... it’s a romance. I’m not saying it should be canon. I’m saying that that’s the most natural interpretation of what’s already there. You don’t have to change anything. They’re best friends, and they’re found family, and they are so in love, and none of those things are mutually exclusive. The way they talk to each other...)

If there's one point I want to make about all of this, it's that Hera is in a position that makes trusting people potentially very dangerous, and in all of these cases, she is finding ways to build relationships with people despite that. To understand them, and have them understand her, and realizing that the things that make her different don't have to be a death sentence. That she can have a life and find a way forward with people she cares about, who care about her... that's something very important to me.

#wolf 359 #w359 #hera wolf 359 #asks #okay this is the last thing that i've needed to reply to for a long time so. one i'm very sorry and i hope this is coherent #despite the fact it's mostly personal rambling #and two... now i'm free to work on some of the other posts that i've been meaning to finish forever. i have problems.#if you consider him a crew member:#hera's relationship to hilbert is that hlvrai screenshot that's like 'i think it's good that he died!'#thank you to the three people who will take the time to read this. i love you

66 notes · View notes

cheri-translates · 3 years

Note

Hello cheri! How is your day? Im a fellow gavin stan but recently there is a guy stealing my attention and its shaw hahaha bt i still love gavin my 1st love on game. anyway on your opinion how did mc fell for shaw? And when shaw finds out he likes mc? Thank you ❤

(´･ᴗ･ ` ) Hello Anon! My day is great after receiving this interesting yet challenging question~ The development of a relationship requires the involvement of both parties, so I ended up discussing both questions simultaneously!

Here are the short answers to your questions, but do note that these are just my personal opinions:

1. She uncovered and accepted his complexities

2. Exciting Moment Date

A summary of the Shaw x MC dynamics can be found in these lines from Exciting Moment Date:

Let’s dive deeper into each line.

1. “Emboldened by the straightforward response, I couldn’t help but move closer to him.”

For this, we have to chart the development of MC’s impression of Shaw across the dates.

Shaw’s first event (i.e. Night Fire) took place one week after MC entered the Winter World. In a world where nobody else recognised her, it was perfectly natural for MC to gravitate towards Shaw despite not knowing him well:

At the same time, her instincts cautioned her to stay away from him. After all, how good could a person be if he seemed to dye his hair in a flamboyant colour, wore a riveted jacket, and handed out fake identities like it’s nothing?

Her instincts also warned her that he was the one who attempted to strike Victor in Ch 10 of the main storyline:

At this point, she was likely experiencing two conflicting emotions. On one hand, she was very dependent on him and filled with gratitude for the emotional and practical help he gave her.

In a world where she had no idea how to proceed, Shaw’s straightforwardness and self-assured nature likely provided her a huge sense of comfort.

At the same time, her instincts sounded the alarm bells in her head.

But being the kind and good-natured MC she is, she continued sticking around with Shaw and was even concerned for his well-being.

Within the span of one day in One-Day Date, she didn’t just move closer to him physically, but also learnt that he’s actually a graduate student in Loveland University who takes his exams seriously. She also learnt that he’s a talented bass player, and also talented in graffiti.

She learnt that perhaps there’s greater substance to this young man than she originally thought. And this led to her curiosity being aroused - what more could she uncover about this mysterious man?

One glaring commonality in Shaw’s early dates is that MC asks A LOT of questions. Just as Shaw was intrigued by MC, MC was equally intrigued by him, and actually expressed it even more clearly.

There are too many questions to list down, so here are Shaw’s reactions to them instead:

In the Rosa Rubus event:

In the Genuine or Fake Call from Seeking Date:

In Exciting Moment Date:

MC can’t help but draw nearer to him.

2. “The music was being played at a low volume. But because Shaw was wearing only one earphone and the room was quiet, I could still hear the sound of music coming from the other earphone.”

As mentioned at the start, both parties needed to take a step for the relationship to develop successfully. Hence, it didn’t matter if MC barraged Shaw with questions if he wasn’t receptive to them.

He needed to take the initiative to “wear only one earphone” so that MC was able to understand him through the other. At the same time, MC needed to listen carefully to the “low volume” of Shaw’s genuine feelings.

To elaborate on the above paragraph, we have to understand the way Shaw operates.

In a recent Ask where someone asked about his personality, I mentioned that he’s straightforward like Gavin yet mysterious like Lucien. This might come across strange because how could such a contradiction exist?

But that’s exactly how Shaw is. The reason why Shaw behaves like this is due to a mix of nature and nurture.

He’s naturally impetuous (e.g. drawn to adrenaline-stirring activities such as skateboarding, performing rock, sneaking into places he shouldn’t be sneaking into). But he was taught by experience and in the study of archaeology to be patient.

Basically, this mixture of nature and nurture results in push-pull dynamics when it comes to Shaw, and a beautifully crafted slow burn where Shaw has to grapple with his feelings for MC. I’ve done a post on his early feelings for MC which you can check out here!

[PUSH] In One-Day Date, he asked her out yet left her to dry:

[PULL] Afterwards, he invited her to indulge in his hobby, and even asked her keep her art on the wall even though he insulted it 5 seconds ago:

[PULL] In Exciting Moment Date, he wanted to spend time alone with MC:

[PUSH] But he didn’t have a concrete plan on what they’d do:

[PUSH] He made it seem like holding hands wasn’t a big deal:

[PULL] But he vehemently refused to let go:

[PUSH] In Exciting Date, he closed himself off:

[PULL] But relented soon afterwards:

Remember how I mentioned before that MC tended to barrage Shaw with a ton of questions in his earlier dates? Interestingly, Shaw didn’t actually mind them.

We see this in his Genuine or Fake Call from Seeking Date:

And also in his Future Bass Call from Exciting Date:

Deep down, Shaw wants to be understood. He wants to be heard. But he needs someone who’s thick-skinned enough to handle his sharp tongue, and to care enough to understand the hidden meaning behind his words, whether said or unsaid. I’ll return to this point at the end.

And at the same time, MC listens. Aside from asking questions about his present motivations, she also wanted to know about his past, and about him as a person:

Anger reveals a lot about a person’s true concerns, so let’s break down this particular line when MC went off on a little rant about Shaw:

In other words, “You’re a contradiction and I can’t comprehend how your mind works. I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t seem to understand your thought process. I wish you would stop disagreeing with me because I want to be on the same wavelength as you are. I really want to understand you."

3. “To my surprise, it was an instrumental - slow, deep, soft, mixed with the sound of rain.”

While Shaw engages in this this pull-push tango with MC while she tries to understand him, she is surprised when she sees that there’s more to Shaw than his bravado.

In One-Day Date, she notices his vulnerability:

In Seeking Date, she gets a glimpse of -

His seriousness:

His quietness:

His kindness in the way he kicked the stone away to prevent others from tripping over it:

His meticulousness, albeit slightly delayed:

In Exciting Date (including the prologue), she guesses that there’s more depth to Shaw that she realised:

She is also a recipient of his kindness:

Again and again:

4. “Gingerly, I moved another step toward him for a clearer listen.”

These traits drew her closer to him. She started trusting him without even realising it.

In Seeking Date:

In the prologue of Exciting Date:

She also picked up the way he speaks in the Rosa Rubus event and Exciting Date (and even more so in future CN content):

How did Shaw respond to MC’s incessant drive to know him more? He imbibed the words of his mentor:

He was very patient.

He tested her tenacity in running errands as his informant. He tested how well she kept to her promises. He tested how much she cared about the Dragonfly Eye bead he gave her. He tested how much she cared about not making a fool of Isolated on stage.

He also took his sweet time grappling with why he was inexplicably drawn to her, which manifested in the form of the push-pull dynamics mentioned earlier in Point 2.

Was he simply an observer toying with MC? Was he simply deriving amusement from MC’s reactions?

And after all that testing and waiting, he finally knew for sure:

Shaw not only offered to let MC into his world.

He also carved out a space in his world for her.

And that’s when the Shaw x MC ship sailed.

#teatime with cheri #THIS TOOK ME SO LONG #I have 5 days to climb out of the Shaw pit hnhgnhgn

97 notes · View notes

mammons-tax-returns · 3 years

Note

Hey! I saw that your ask box was open, so I was wondering if I could request how the brothers (if not all then just Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Leviathan) would react to the mc defending them! Like they get into a fight and their only response was "they were talking bad about you" or something! -🥀 (Also side note, do you right for GN! MC's, or just male?)

BROTHERS REACTING TO MC DEFENDING THEM

Hey anon! Thanks so much for requesting! As for your question, This is TECHNICALLY a male reader blog, however, if it isn’t necessary, I will use he/him pronouns loosely. In other words, if the prompt doesn’t specify/depend on it being a male mc, it will be gn!mc! Hope this clears up some confusion! I’ll start putting whether a post is for a gn or male mc at the very beginning of said post from now on.

✖️GENDER NEUTRAL MC✖️

fluff, some angst :).

Lucifer was more angry than anything to hear that MC had gotten in a fight. The one thing he made sure they did was to stay out of trouble. And yet, they seem to be a magnet for chaos.

He stumbled upon the fight before it got bad, and had the demon dealt with as he accompanied MC to an empty room at RAD.

Although he seemed to be sweating out of exasperation, it was easy to tell that he was simply worried about them.

Well. Kind of.

If you look past the hour-long lecture it is.

MC tries countless times to explain themself, and yet he never fails to reroute the conversation back to his lesson on running from a demon before things get bad.

It gets to a point when MC has to put a hand over his mouth to quiet him.

Only then do they explain what happened, and what caused the fight to begin with.

First, he is absolutely shocked. And he can’t really find the right thing to say.

Then, his eyes relax, and his frown seems to melt away. He truly wants to be mad still, to teach a proper lesson. But he just can’t do it.

“It is true that humans tend not to think things through, I suppose.”

He crosses his arms and continues, “Well, I appreciate it, but I don’t need the protection.”

After ruffling their hair, he smirks a little.

“I’ll have to keep a closer eye on you if you rush into situations like that. Maybe put you on a leash.”

After things are cleared up, he finds the situation a little comical. A human defending a demon.

Luckily, the wounds aren’t bad, or else Lucifer wouldn’t have hesitated giving some sort of consequence to the MC.

Mammon is, unfortunately, not around to witness or intervene into the fight.

So when the next time he sees MC there’s a dark magenta ring around their eye, he loses it.

He wastes no time taking them home from RAD. We know he never really cared for classes anyways.

Unlike Lucifer, he wants to hear them out on the way home.

Although he physically feels himself getting butterflies in his stomach from the idea of being cared for, he clears his throat and tries to push it aside.

He knows that they’re not going to be taken away from him anytime soon. At least, not with his unintentionally vice grip on their wrist they aren’t.

And yet he can’t help but constantly flick his gaze back to them and their wounds.

We were all waiting for this one: he feels horrible that they got hurt because of him, albeit indirectly.

He puts emphasis on steering clear of hotheaded demons— or, all demons that aren’t the brothers for that matter.

“I hear ya, The Great Mammon is a gem that all of devildom should be tryna’ protect! But... You’re better off ignoring that... I mean, look at ya! All beat up and stuff... N-Not that you look bad or anything. Well... Um.”

When MC laughs at him, he’s both relieved that they’re not upset enough to sulk, and embarrassed because of his wording.

So they have to reassure him that they simply find him worth protecting— for exactly this. He cares for them, and is probably willing to protect them too.

As he’s sloppily tending to their bruises, he offers to spend the day with them.

He says its his payment, and that he would defend them when Lucifer found out about today.

But it’s more so the fact that he wishes more than anything to spend every day for the rest of his demonic life with them.

Levi is another brother who is unfortunately not around at the time due to his home schooling.

That’s why he’s one of the last people to find out about it, and he feels guilt hit him like an 18-wheeler.

The injuries are a little more severe, but nothing that would keep someone from going about their daily life. Nonetheless, Levi is demanding to be the one to patch them up.

As soon as MC cuts him off before he can start rambling, they make sure to explain the situation, i.e. “I had to defend you! Or else they would have kept talking bad about you.”

He turns red and covers his mouth, undoubtedly mumbling something about how impossibly romantic the situation was.

But after that, he shakily asks that MC tries not to talk as he takes time to let everything sink in. He still can’t believe it.

So he finds himself shakily asking questions like, “So... You just heard him and decided to-... To defend me? No one asked you to?”

For every reassuring nod that he gets, he feels his head spin a little faster.

It takes him a while, but all the wounds are properly sterilized and taken care off beneath his cold fingers.

He leans back in his seat, and blows out a slow puff of air. “MC... You’re badass. Seriously. I don’t really know what I, a demon, have done to deserve you... But... Thank you.”

The conversation ends with tears, but they couldn’t have been anything but happy.

He just can’t believe someone could go as far as to fight for his sake over a simple ill-intended comment.

Satan witnesses the event. Which... May or may not be a good thing.

MC doesn’t notice him at first. They’re too busy with the demon that has her hands on their uniform collar.

But then they see the green flames licking at their peripherals, emitting from somewhere behind them.

The demon girl in front of them seems to lose all color in her face at the sight of those same flames. She instantly drops MC to their knees, and attempts to run.

As Satan steps forward to grab the female student, he spins MC around with ease so that they won’t have to witness whatever he’s about to do.

MC doesn’t know how much time has passed due to the shock of the moment. It could be seconds or minutes. But when Satan pulls them back up to their feet, he is stone faced.

MC walks stiffly to the House of Lamentation with Satan, careful not to set anything else off in him.

The entire walk to his room is silent. The first time he speaks is when he offers a seat on his bed, nudging books aside with his foot.

He takes a deep breath before he begins diligently tending to the injuries.

“Mind explaining what happened?” He doesn’t sound angry at them, but it’s hard to tell with him.

Satan notices the hesitation in answering, so he gives a small smile. “Are you scared? You shouldn’t be. I’m just a bit... Tense, is all.”

After a moment, MC tells him the reasoning for the fight.

Satan sighs once more and places a hand on theirs. Oh to be so selfless yet still be a fragile human.

“MC... Demons talk. And it’s not always nice. It’s best to just let it go, okay? Well... Give me their name first, but I can’t have you losing a limb for me. Who knows what i’d do then.”

MC can’t completely promise that they’ll simply forget about anyone that talks badly about him, but Satan only gives a helpless sigh.

“What ever will we do with you.” He is much more relaxed than before, and his tone is affectionate.

MC doesn’t know what happened to that girl, and you figure it’s best to never ask.

Asmodeus is preoccupied with a hand mirror, but a circle of gathering demons certainly catches his attention.

He hums, interested. He’s always been one for drama.

But as he peeks over the crowd, his heart sinks impossibly deep in his body.

MC isn’t bloody, but by the looks of it, they may be very soon.

While he’s ridden with shock, a punch lands on their face, and the crowd roars. The yells overtake his own, and he can’t get through the group of people pushing and shoving.

Diavolo and Barbatos were alerted of the congregation of students, and are only just now arriving. And at the sight of them, students scatter like bugs. Leaving MC on the ground and clutching their face in pain.

Diavolo and Barbatos leave MC in the care of Asmodeus while they turn to resolve the problem with the attacker.

Asmodeus is frantic, fanning his face as he helps MC to sit up. He doesn’t know what to do first, does he ask to see the wound? But what’s the point when he doesn’t really know how to treat it in any circumstance? No one has ever socked him in the face before.

So he opts to carry them off to the infirmary, bridal style. All along the way, he gives reassuring words that seem to slightly calm the injuried MC.

“Hey, beautiful! Ughh, the nerve of some demons! I can’t even begin to— Oh right... The ice pack, I’ll get that now, so sit tight, love!”

While he allows them to press the ice to their eye themself, he is massaging his frowning face. All while he seems to be worried about all the wrong things.

“Is this type of injury permanent on humans?? Your face is too good for that!” “That low-level demon... I wish I could ruin his face a hundred times worse than what he’s doing to innocent bystanders!”

MC patiently allows him to vent, because hearing him fret of the most “Asmo” things somehow brought light to the situation and distracted from the throbbing in their face.

An hour must have passed before Asmo actually takes in the situation. “Oh, but I haven’t even asked... What in devildom were you doing with such a grotesque demon? Do I have to replace Mammon in guarding you?”

Finally, MC explains.

He’s less than shocked. Instead, he holds his own arms with an almost sympathetic smile, “Oh, darling... It’s better to talk to Lucifer about things like that... If at all. As the Avatar of Lust, It’s kind of part of the program to get nasty birds twittering about you... Fan behavior.”

MC seems less than convinced, replying with a small, “But...”

Asmo grins and puts a gentle hand on their shoulder. “It’s adorable that you’d do that for me, MC, really. I wish I could just dress you up and show you to the world, show them how special you make me feel! But please. Don’t sacrifice your complexion for a-ny-thing!”

Even Asmo can feel himself get butterflies when MC does the smallest of things for him. But taking care of that face is no joke to him.

Beel is at the gym when it happens, and is the last one to hear about it. The brothers are all discreetly trying to decide whether or not to tell him. We all know how scary he can get.

MC listens to Mammon... For some reason. And that entails avoiding Beel until the scrapes and bruises on your body heal.

Bad idea. Beel now looks like a hurt puppy, and is desperately trying to figure out what he has done.

The fateful moment of realization for him comes on a Tuesday night, less than a week after the incident. MC walks into the kitchen, searching for a late night beverage to drink and also hold against their wounds.

Beel is already there, instantly looking ashamed when he sees them.

“Beel...” MC starts, forgetting that they were supposed to be avoiding him. They stop themselves before hastily pulling their sleeves down to cover the lingering bruises.

This catches Beel’s attention to detail when it comes to others.

His eyebrows furrow a bit, and MC gulps. There was no getting out of this.

Before completely explaining everything, MC has to calm him. Because if not, he’d be checking every inch of their body for serious injuries. And even if there were none, he’d never let them leave bed for the next week. At least.

They take a deep breath and start with the people poking fun at his soft personality in such an intimidating body. And then finishing with the plan of steering clear of him to keep him from getting worried. (you leave out mammon’s part last second)

At first, his eyes are serious as he listens intently, silently going over things more than once in his head to ensure that he was understanding the story properly.

Once MC has finished, his eyes change completely. They’re soft, and concerned, but not overbearing.

MC felt a bit guilty seeing him like this.

Beel reaches out to hug them, but is hesitant, worried that they’d still be hurt. So MC has to let him know that their wounds have healed for the most part.

“MC.... Firstly, thank you.” He pulls them into a soft hug. “It makes me all happy on the inside when you do things like that.” His voice is quiet, but much too unstable. MC knew that this was a telltale sign that he was near tears.

MC doesn’t hesitate to reach up and stroke the back of his hair, feeling him bury his head into their shoulder.

“Beel? Are you okay?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

‘you should know better’ is what he wants to say. But maybe they don’t, he thinks. Afterall, when was the last time a human with such limited magical capability was surrounded by demons 24/7?

“I just need you to promise me.” He carefully pulls back and sucks in a breath, keeping himself from imagining MC scared and hurt without him— because of him.

“Promise me that you’ll tell me about things like that first. Before you get yourself hurt, or... Or worse.” There’s another word that he has to stop himself from saying. He doesn’t know how he could handle that thought.

There, he thinks. If they didn’t know before how serious it was, now they did. Hopefully.

The brothers notice that Beel is a bit more normal than the days before, so they assume that things have been cleared up for the two.

Although they have to pretend as if they had never heard about the incident when he mentions it.

Belphie was definitely not there when it happened.

But unlike with every other brother, MC was unable to be saved immediately after having found themselves in a brawl with a low class demon.

MC silently curses as they find themselves limping through the halls of the House of Lamentation.

They’re lucky to have only gotten out of that with an injured ankle, they remind themself. It didn’t seem... Broken. But it definitely needed more medical attention than it received now— A knee-high sock they pulled off of their foot wrapped tightly around a ruler they used as a makeshift splint.

They were sure that the majority of the brothers were at school, so they’d have at least a few hours to figure out what to do.

How would the brothers react if they saw them like this? Would they feel that this was a mere inconvenience? Afterall, this may just be a bad sprain, and now look at them. They can barely limp. Much less walk. But maybe after a bit of rest, it would magically heal.

They decide to head to the music room (?), where they knew that none of the brothers would immediately run into after school.

After finding a stool to sit on, MC hisses when they bump their ankle on the floor. The throbbing seemed to shake their whole body.

“Holy shi—“

“MC?”

A sleepy drawl from the couch behind them causes them to freeze. They wanted to slap themself. Of course Belphie would be sleeping here, why didn’t they think of that?

“What’re you doing h—....” He stops.

MC can already tell that he had noticed the poor job they had done with their ankle. “I fell down the stairs. But it’s okay, I just—“

“MC. I’m not stupid. Why are you home so early, alone? If you skipped or left early, Mammon would have sniffed you out like a dog and be here, too. Spill it.”

If Belphie was good at anything (besides sleeping), it was reading emotions. There was no lying anymore. And so MC simply explained the fight and its causes.

When they turn to look at him, he simply blinks. He doesn’t seem very concerned, but he sleepily walks over to inspect their leg.

He’s careful to support their foot as he lifts their entire leg, checking the swelling.

“... Geez. You’re stupid.” His eyebrows knit together with an unknown emotion. Worry? Irritation? A mix of both? “I don’t care about what such irrelevant demons think, and you shouldn’t either.”

MC is a little speechless, but only laughs. “Yeah. It was a little dumb looking back at it. But you should have heard them, Belphie... There was no way I’d go without a fight, okay?”

Belphie smiles back. “If you wanted to prove yourself to me... There were other ways, you know?”

“Should we get Beel to help us set up the pillow fort?”

“Well, how else are you gonna heal? You can’t get better if you don’t rest with me.”

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me gender neutral mc #gn mc #fluff #fanfic #lucifer #mammon #levi #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #belphie #beel #belphegor #beelzebub

376 notes · View notes

bemused-writer · 4 years

Text

VNC Chapter 46 Analysis

Mochizuki's ability to pack so much into a singular chapter is truly a gift. In this chapter we get a lot of Dominique's POV, which was awesome, but pretty dreary. However, I don't think any of us can blame her; she once told Noé she worried about him blaming himself for what happened to Louis, but she never mentioned how much she is still bearing a great burden from the very same incident.

There's a lot to unpack in this sentence alone, but it reveals a lot about Dominique's mindset. In past chapters, we've already seen that she harbors a great deal of self-doubt; she isn't living up to her family's expectations and she's convinced the man she loves would prefer a different kind of woman, i.e. someone more like Jeanne. However, we see here that her self-doubt is actually better characterized as self-loathing. She doesn't consider herself suitable for Noé whatsoever. So, what is it that she thinks Louis has that she doesn't? She's gone to a lot of trouble to imitate him, after all. I think we can break her perceived failings into the following: 1) She can't be with Noé 24/7. I think a large part of why she thinks Louis would have been a better partner for Noé than herself is because they already lived together. He could have traveled with Noé to Paris, lived with him there, helped him handle Vanitas, Murr, and even Teacher. Basically, she assumes Louis would be ever present at Noé's side in a way she cannot. 2) An outgoing nature/ease of communication. Dominique believes that Noé had an easier time talking to Louis than he does with her. She saw Louis as smart and capable rather than meek and timid. What she doesn't realize is that Noé and Louis actually had a ton of communication problems and that Louis was incredibly withdrawn. I suppose that's the kind of misconstrued takeaway one has when dealing with someone they idolize and another they're crushing on. She doesn't have the clearest sense of their flaws. (Side note: I think it's kind of amusing that she just assumes Louis would be shorter than Noé. I mean, he was taller than him at the time...) So, even before Louis's death Dominique was dealing with some pretty heavy self-esteem issues, but we really see just how far they've developed over the years. The days following his death seem to really have taken a final toll:

Now, this is something I've wondered about for a while, but it's sad to have it confirmed. As I mentioned, Dominique was worried Noé blamed himself, but the truth of it is Dominique blames herself for Louis's death. The reason she's worried about Noé is because she sincerely believes that the only person worthy of this blame is herself. She thinks that if she had simply kept quiet, Louis would still be alive. Judging by how timid Dominique still is at home, I think this philosophy has followed her for her whole life: stay quiet and out of the way and things will be fine. It's completely different from how she is around Noé, but that's because she is trying to put on a persona she thinks Noé would prefer over her actual personality, i.e. Louis's personality. Of course, Noé cares about Dominique because she's one of his best friends; she doesn't need to do this to herself, but she doesn't realize that. She's fixated on this idea of adjusting herself until Noé sees her in the right light and her family accepts her. Unfortunately, we're dealing with a trio whose communication skills are epically bad. Louis asks Dominique to give Noé the chest "when the time is right." How is she supposed to know when that is? And how could he actually expect Noé to put those stakes to use? But the thing is that none of these characters are thinking clearly. Louis was a young person stuck on the idea that he was cursed and going to die. He refused to talk about it to his friends because, well, what could they do about it? Dominique is ridden with insecurities and couldn't be expected to handle the responsibility Louis gave her, and Noé cared far too much about Louis to fulfill his wish. The only person who could have stepped in and sorted any of this out was Teacher, but he's the one who allowed all of it to happen in the first place. So, Dominique does the only thing she can think to do at the time: stay at Noé's side.

Dominique is terrified here; I really think this might be the first time she's ever stood up to Veronica and it's only because of how urgent things are. We've seen in the present that Veronica has absolutely no qualms going toe-to-toe with her own sister or with publicly shaming her in front of the entire vampiric court. This is not a kind woman. And we see that she was no better in the past. Dominique is frightened of her, and then Veronica gives all of her fears and anxieties the final push they need to plague her for the rest of her life. She takes malignant glee at how her sister has been left in the dark (as if this is Dominique's fault; maybe her family should actually try telling her things...), mocks her, and then reveals her birth itself was a shame on the family.

Cruel though this is, it does remind me of a question I've had for a little while now: how do vampires procreate exactly? Apparently, they have to give birth on a full moon, which is already pretty different from their human counterparts. Now we hear that twins are unlucky because they "steal more life." What, exactly, does that mean? I suspect it doesn't simply imply that it makes the pregnancy more strenuous. Could it be that vampires have to very literally give up some of their lifespan to create offspring? Do they have to perform some kind of sacrifice? But it can't be wholly different from humans; otherwise we wouldn't have dhampirs. Well, we'll undoubtedly learn more about that at some point, but it is an interesting concept. Anyway, Dominique asks Veronica why her parents chose her over Louis. I mean, it's a valid question and it's a moment Veronica could have used to compliment her sister, or possibly console her in some way, so naturally she does the opposite. She basically says it was a whim of their father's. Now, I'm not totally sure I believe that. I had believed Louis was taken away because he was a curse bearer, but Veronica is making it sound like the problem was simply that he was a twin. If what Veronica says is true, that means Louis became a curse bearer after the fact and I think I have a sneaking suspicion of how. Teacher said it would be a waste to simply kill one of the babies and let's not kid ourselves by thinking he had purely good intentions here. He told Louis he wanted to see what choices he made. Well, for an experiment to work, you have to actually have some variable you're testing. I think Teacher (who probably has some connection to Charlatan) cursed Louis himself, perhaps to see how long he would last under those kinds of conditions and how he would try to change his fate. Also, I think it's important to point out that Veronica said "If news that your mother had given birth to twins had gotten out, it would have tarnished the name of de Sade." That pretty heavily implies that Veronica and Dominique do not have the same mother, which would make sense. It also raises yet another question of how vampiric society handles things like marriage. To me, it sounds like their father is the head of de Sade second only to Teacher. Does he have multiple wives? Concubines? If women have to give some of their life to have children, it might make sense not to have too many children with one woman, and if the aristocracy is determined to expand the family name, the easiest way of doing that would be by having several children. The de Sades are clearly concerned with preserving the family name and with having enough heirs to handle... I'm not sure. Antoine seems to be in charge of diplomacy, Veronica is a Beastia, and Dominique... What is it that she's supposed to be doing? What is it that they think she's failing at so badly? After Veronica's big reveal, Dominique wonders if Louis knew the truth and to be honest, I don't know if he was ever told, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Teacher wasn't exactly gentle with him and I'm sure he would be curious to see how he handled the knowledge that Dominique was very literally chosen over him. She is his twin sister and she can never know. By all accounts, Louis would have been justified in being cruel to her, but he never was; he was always kind and patient, and I think that says more about Louis than anything else ever will. If he hadn't undergone the horrors Teacher chose for him, he probably would have been a much more carefree person.

This scene is just sad on so many levels. Veronica didn't have to plant the seed of doubt in Dominique's mind that Louis would have been a better heir than her. She didn't have to make her wonder if Louis was simply a better candidate for everything she's ever wanted: better at being a de Sade, better for Noé, better for everyone. And poor Noé has no idea he accidentally fed into this. He was just as traumatized as Dominique and, well, she does look a lot like Louis. Who could blame him for mistaking them when he has a raging fever and is in mourning? But the damage is done. Dominique is convinced that Noé would have preferred Louis over her, and this has no doubt fed into her misery over her unrequited love for him as well. Perhaps, on some level, she believes that if she had been Louis, Noé would love her already. Also, this means that Vanitas's jab in volume two is all the more hurtful:

This always read to me as Vanitas saying Dominique was just a stand in for what Noé really wants and while it is true that Noé has thought of Louis on occasion when he's with Dominique, I don't think it's fair to say he wishes she were him. They're twins and they were both Noé's childhood friends. It would be normal for him to miss Louis in such a scenario. But Vanitas is very good at hitting where it hurts and he did so very well with Dominique. If there's one good thing that could come of this arc, I hope it's that Dominique realizes how much Noé cares about her. He goes to her rescue immediately:

We only see Noé get this serious when it has to do with Dominique or Louis. These are the two people he cares for most; he's not messing around when it comes to her rescue. Also, I really like that he doesn't bother with negotiating or any of that. He goes straight to the fighting and it's great; negotiation isn't going to work with this kid. With anyone else, this would be a great tactic, but Misha has a book and is willing to fight dirty. I really feel like this is going to turn into one of those: "If you'd just told me this in advance things could have been different!" moments that Noé and Vanitas have had in the past.

The text bubble really makes it look like Vanitas is just shouting this in the middle of the restaurant. I find that amusing, but wouldn't it make more sense to be thinking this...? XD But! Everyone is piecing things together way faster this arc and that is kind of a relief. Vanitas isn't going to be taken off guard by Noé acting strangely; he knows exactly what kind of damage Misha can do. Furthermore, Noé swiftly puts it together that Misha has done something to Dominique's name. If nothing else, at least everyone is in the know on how bad things are. 8D At any rate, Noé's attacks swiftly come to a halt when Misha uses the book on him. The technique is the same that Vanitas used on him during the Bal Masqué. It seems to primarily function as a stun, but it looks like Misha's was designed to pack a heavier punch because Noé can't move at all while he was able to somewhat when Vanitas used it. Of course, the main difference is that Vanitas didn't want to do permanent damage to Noé; he just needed to prevent him from hindering his job. Misha on the other hand has no qualms about killing a woman, so he definitely wouldn't be opposed to wreaking more havoc still on yet another individual. It's interesting that last chapter we got to see Noé tell Vanitas he's glad he's the person he is now because he's now getting a very fast intro into just how awful Vanitas could have been if he'd been inclined to. These books have the power to seal a vampire's fate, for better or worse. Misha has chosen for the worse.

"Only this book." I suppose that means he didn't inherit the name "Vanitas." (Did Vanitas really inherit it or did he just steal it?) It could also be a way of emphasizing he wasn't given Vanitas's book; just this one.

Amazing how at the end of their introductions, Vanitas is the one who looks decidedly mad, but it's Misha who is infinitely crazier. I guess first impressions aren't everything. 8D

Okay, he says he's kidding, but the only thing he could possibly be joking about is that he's an "average human being," which, let's be honest, sounded a lot like a lie when Vanitas said it, too. I don't think either of them are "average" human beings. Something about being kin to the blue moon changed them and I think we're eventually going to learn more about what and how.

Okay, so here's the thing. Misha may be "evil" but he's not an evil genius. There have been flaws in his plan from the get go, notably that he thought he could fully control Dominique to do anything that would put Noé in danger because I'm pretty sure his original plan went something like this: Dominique asks Noé to follow her. She leads him to Misha. Noé and Misha sit down for a chat. Noé agrees to drink Vanitas's blood and comes back with info. Only, that isn't how it went and it's unlikely this backup plan will work either. Misha is making a lot of assumptions here: 1) Noé has no qualms about drinking Vanitas's blood (as, perhaps, most vampires wouldn't), 2) Threatening Dominique won't lead to massive repercussions, 3) Vanitas himself won't be involved to mess this plan up, 4) Noé is actually capable enough as an Archiviste to locate specific information. Well, none of that is true. Noé has massive reservations about drinking Vanitas's blood, he absolutely will not forgive this kid for threatening Dominique, Vanitas is probably already on his way, and Noé is more likely to lose himself in Vanitas's memories and wind up traumatized than come back with any useful information. 8D I mean, maybe Noé does drink Vanitas's blood because I do believe he'd do just about anything to save Dominique, but I think it's more likely that Vanitas himself will show up and put a wrench in this entire affair. I guess we're going to find out the answer to that pretty swiftly with the next chapter. Anyway, I'm going to toss in a few predictions for this arc and see if any of them stick: Noé and Vanitas actually have to tell each other some of their dark backstories (in other words, Vanitas has to explain who "Father" is and Noé has to explain Louis), Noé doesn't drink Vanitas's blood, Dominique is lost to Noé, but not because she dies. Rather, I think it's more likely these two are going to have a whole lot of revelations about each other and the sheer awkward factor/shame will cause them to need time apart.

#vanitas no carte #vnc meta #vnc spoilers #Bemused's post #long post

183 notes · View notes

ask-the-clergy-bc · 4 years

Note

What would you think about headcanons for the papas realizing they're falling in love with someone close to them (i.e. an assistant, close friend, etc.)? Super specific, I know, but it was an idea I got super interested in on the fly lmao

I love this so much, it’s actually one of my favorite ways to look into their characters romantically!! Hope you enjoy this!

Also, I feel like it’s a given but I always want to point out that there will be very blatant power imbalances when it comes to the Assistant Reader and the Papas- simply from their place of power and titles. I can go back and add a tag to this if anyone needs!

Papas/Copia realizing they are falling for a reader who is close to them!

Papa Nihil:

Nihil has only experienced love like this only a handful of times (Don’t tell Sister!) Imperator was one of the strongest connections he ever felt, and the first time he was hit by true love. But over the decades their relationship was put in a strain. Especially when you came into his life. Originally you were part of a small group of Siblings who attended Nihil. But, eventually it became just you who turned to his personal assistant. Not just from his favor but you were the only one who could handle the workload and challenges of the job. Others just fell out of it and were dismissed. Plus, Sister Imperator saw great potential in you. Nihil started noticing his change in feelings toward you some time into your position as Grand Papa’s personal assistant. It was more comforting and easy going with you around.

Nihil wasn’t sure to laugh at himself or shake his head when you took your first vacation, leaving him with a sub par substitute. You being gone made him sad, lonely, and aching for your return. That’s when he knew he had it bad for you. You always made his day and you both communicated well. Not to mention that you shared so much in common. Papa Nihil felt he bonded with you in a way he hadn’t felt in years. And, he wasn’t about to let you get away! When you came back he did usher you away to a private place and confess his feelings to you. Being blunt and straight admitting that he couldn’t picture his life without you. Nihil gives you the chance to accept or decline of course, seeing as this could turn your professional life in the clergy upside down. You have no idea how pleased he is when you accept!

Papa I:

You had worked with Papa for years now. You wouldn’t call yourself one of his students, nor one of his personal secretaries. But you were always one of his go to Siblings of sin for rituals, under work, and various projects the Papa would assign. You had been there for everything between helping the man research, to gathering ritual supplies, and even attending his gardens. To Papa, you were a valued member of the flock and one of the hardest workers he had met in the Ministry. Honestly, it was no wonder to the man why he felt so fondly of you. Papa knew immediately he was attracted to you. At first it was a casual attraction, yes he found you attractive but he was more intrigued by your point of view and your mind. He longed to get to know you more. Papa is not one to beat around the bush, and quite bluntly asked if you wished to pursue anything more.

You accepted, even though you wanted to take things very slow. And Papa was happy to respect you. Your relationship was very platonic for a long time, and Papa valued your company more than anything. The more time spent together the stronger your relationship. For Papa, it was a welcome change to have a more friendly and deep companion than one that served to warm his bed. It didn’t surprise him the day he watched you work with his personal garden did he realize you meant the world to him. That no other person understood and loved him the way that you did. Papa smiled to himself and continued to work. When you asked him why he looked so content Papa was quick to say, “I believe you have stolen my heart.” It nearly made your own heart stop. This fierce, all powerful Antipope before you was humbled and proclaiming his love in the sweetest way. You couldn’t help but do the same for him!

Papa II:

Takes the longest to come to terms with his feelings and is the most stubborn about it. Namely because Papa is scared to death at the idea of truly catching feelings for someone. He’s had his days of endless lusting, infatuations- nothing more than casual flings or short term affairs. But to realize he’s falling for you? It’s not possible! You weren’t even in his inner circle… not at first. You were one of his older brother’s students. A promising user of witch craft that longed to master your dark arts with the eldest Emeritus brother. He met you when you assisted in a ritual that took place with all the Papas. At first he didn’t notice you, but seeing you talk to Papa I changed that… you were articulate, polite, thoughtful, intelligent, and best of all you were pleasing to look at. Papa thought highly of your potential, and you two slowly talked more and more.

He made his casual interest known and you reciprocated. What started as another casual affair turned into more than just the physical. Soon you both were having more dinners, more conversations. Hell there were times he summoned you just to have company and some wine. You were a delight to talk to, so much more deeper than some of his other lovers. Actually, you weren’t just another lover. To him you were like a very close friend with benefits- something he didn’t allow often. Papa did not open up to you at first, but the longer you spent time together the more he considered it. He found himself losing his guard with you and he despised the idea of being vulnerable. Papa denied himself of WANTING you to know him so intimately… but eventually had to confess. He wanted you for himself, as a real partner. A real lover in all senses of the word. Someone he could grow to give his whole self to. It took him a while to work the nerve up to inform you this, and you were all too happy to accept!

Papa III:

It took him a long time to realize how deep his feelings are for you- because you two have been close friends for years. Granted, you’ve rejected all of his casual advances for bedtime shenanigans, and he’s always respected that. Instead you two have gotten very close emotionally- something Papa genuinely doesn’t have with a lot of people. Besides Omega, and a few of his ghouls and brothers, Papa does not have a lot of genuine and true friends he can be himself around. His position of authority makes it hard in both rivalry and people wanting to use him. Not that he has a lack of bedmates or casual partying acquaintances. So he’s never thought to even think of you as anything more than one of his best friends and confidants…That is until he saw you flirt with someone for the first time. Now, Papa HAS been there to give you romantic advice and an ear when it comes to your personal life.

What person in the Clergy doesn’t have their bouts in romance? But he’s never actually SEEN you with anyone… and that just doesn’t feel right to him. He finds himself, dare he think, jealous? But why would he be- you’re his friend, he should be happy for you! After all you’ve made it clear that you didn’t want any casual one nights with him… but did he ever think to commit more? Papa broods on it for a long time of why he would suddenly feel so awful about the idea of you actually BEING with someone else- like having a serious commitment with someone. Why was he so JEALOUS? Then it hits him… he actually has feelings for you. The reason he didn’t understand before is that Papa rarely has deeper, intimate feelings for someone beyond lust or infatuation. And now, he’s understanding that maybe the reason he’s so eager for your company is more than mere friendship.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia:

Copia had known for a very long time that he had fallen in love with you. You were one of the few people he trusted with his life- as true loyalty beyond his ghouls was genuine and rare. The Ministry is a cut throat and very dangerous place to be in the higher ranks, especially with him trying to start the new Bloodline. But you’ve been his personal assistant for years and the two of you had bonded immensely. He loved all your mannerisms, your kindness, your loyalty and duty to the Clergy. But Copia never made a move on you. Even though there is nothing saying he CAN’T have unprofessional relations with you (who in the Clergy DIDN’T regularly bed their co workers and assistants?) Copia never felt right about it. Mainly because he was afraid you didn’t see him that way and that, if you did get physical, it might ruin the bond you two had. So he stayed quiet about it for years and just admired you from his desk.

It’s not until he’s FINALLY Papa does he try to make a move and confess. Mainly because now he doesn’t have to worry about him being in such a precarious position. Copia can finally relax a little and enjoy his newfound position. You haven’t left this entire time, you’ve been there for him- Hell’s Gates, you’re STILL his assistant! Copia, even in his Papa paint, still seems so shy like a school boy about it. But he confesses his feelings to you without faltering. At first his heart sinks with rejection when he hears you bust out laughing. But this changes when you smile back sweetly and shake your head. “Finally- it took you long enough!” For you both, it was a new start to an already solid and unshakable relationship. You just had to be the patient one and let him come to you!

#the band ghost #ghost headcanons #ghost band #Ghost headcanon #reader insert #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia

144 notes · View notes

thepoliticalpatient · 3 years

Text

How to get your Humira level tested thru Prometheus

I started taking Humira for my Crohn's in July of last year. Getting onto this medication was a gigantic pain in my ass, but I actually think the part that ended up being the hardest was dealing with getting my levels tested, so I wanted to write a post detailing that process. There is lots of info here that I wish I had known at the start. I actually have been wanting to write this post since last September, which was when I actually had the test done, but the whole situation didn't get fully wrapped up until today, 6 months later, and I didn't want to write it until I had complete information.

I will try very hard to make this an informative post and not just a rant but I'm not sure I have the self-restraint tbh.

OK, to start: what even is this test? With biologics, you need to maintain a high enough concentration of the drug in your system, to prevent your body from producing antibodies against the medication, and for it to be effective. My (now former - more on that soon lol) gastroenterologist is pretty passionate about making sure his patients keep a good level and will have them go on a weekly dose instead of the normal every-other-week dose if their levels aren't to his liking.

Importantly, the timing of this test is vital. You can't get it measured in the days immediately after you inject or your levels will be super high. The goal is to find out what the level is when it's at its lowest, i.e. in the day or two before your injection. My (former) gastroenterologist wanted me to get this test done between my second and third doses. That didn't end up happening because of how much of a clusterfuck this whole thing was.

So this test is only done by one company in the United States, Prometheus Biosciences. The name of the test is Anser ADA. They also have similar tests for measuring the levels of other biologics, like Anser IFX which measures Remicade levels (ADA = adalimumab, which is the generic name for Humira; IFX = infliximab, or Remicade). They have tests for Stelara and Entyvio too. If I had to guess, I'd say that the info in this post is probably pertinent to those tests as well, but I cannot guarantee it. I only know for sure about my own experience with Anser ADA.

Because this test can only be performed by Prometheus, it is likely that you cannot just go to your hospital's lab and have them draw your blood. It's possible they will do this draw for you and mail the blood to Prometheus, but you'll want to be certain to clarify this with your doctor.

My doctor's office gave me a lot of extremely wrong information, so I had no idea about this. I actually showed up at my hospital's phlebotomy lab on the morning before my third Humira dose, handed them a form that my doctor's staff had given me that contained the order for the bloodwork, and they took my blood and I thought I was done with it. Then WEEKS later at my next appointment with my doctor, he was like "did you ever get that Prometheus test done?" and I was like "wait do you not have the results back from the blood I gave weeks ago?" and he was like "you absolute imbecile, we can't do that lab for you, you need to schedule that with Prometheus's phlebotomists" (I'm paraphrasing a little bit here). To this day I have no idea what happened to the blood I gave at the lab! I assume they were like "wait what do we do with this lol" and then threw it in the garbage and didn't bother to inform me????

This was just one of many bad experiences I’ve had with this doctor/hospital, but this was the one that finally pushed me over the edge. I have since changed to a new GI at a different hospital (which was its own fucking saga, omg, it should not be so hard to get your medical records transferred from one hospital to another).

ANYWAY, my point is, be very certain to talk with your doctor about whether your hospital can draw this blood for you. If they can't, you have to call Prometheus to set up a draw with them.

Prometheus is located in California but contracts with a network of phlebotomists throughout the country. You can set up an appointment for a phlebotomist to come to your home to draw your blood.

For some goddamn reason, instead of equipping their phlebotomists with the supplies they'll need, Prometheus will mail you a package ahead of your appointment that contains some supplies.

Here's my next pro-tip: Prometheus will use some very scary language to make it sound like you need to be waiting right at the door when this package arrives and to immediately put some of the contents of the package into the freezer or else something terrible will happen. This is not true. What's actually happening here is that the package will contain some shipping supplies, including an insulated container and an ice pack, which the phlebotomist will need in order to store your blood safely. They want you to pre-freeze that ice pack before the phlebotomist arrives so that it will be ready to go as soon as your blood is drawn. That's it. So there's nothing in the package that's gonna, like, go bad or something if you don't get it into the freezer right away.

The whole thing was kind of stressful because I didn't have any tracking info on the package or anything, but it did arrive ahead of my appointment.

Okay so the next big topic here is PAYMENT. This is a $2,500 test, and most insurance doesn't cover it.

Around the same time I scheduled the draw with Prometheus, I sent a message to my insurance carrier to ask whether they would cover the test. The rep who replied to my message needed to know the CPT code for the test and the NPI for Prometheus, which I found on Prometheus's prior authorization form here. The insurance rep then said that this test would require my doctor to complete a prior authorization. If I got the prior auth, then insurance would cover the test at the out-of-network rate, which would require me to pay 35% of the cost. Without the prior authorization, they would deny the claim entirely.

I sent a message to my doctor's office asking them to complete the prior authorization stat, as I had already scheduled the draw with Prometheus and there wasn't much time. I was hesitant to cancel my draw, because that would require me to wait at least another 2 weeks (since you have to time the draw with your Humira doses), and I was already months later on this test than my doctor had originally wanted because of the whole snafu with thinking I could get it drawn at my hospital. My doctor's assistant replied and said she didn't think they'd have time to complete the prior auth, but not to cancel my appointment. She assured me that Prometheus would not charge me more than $75 if my insurance denied the claim.

I was extremely nervous about this. I was mainly concerned because I had found this info about Prometheus's payment assist program, which says that they'll reduce the charge to $75 if your income is below a certain threshold, and mine is not. Based on the info on that page, it looked like I didn’t qualify for any cost reduction, so I was pretty convinced they were gonna charge me the full $2,500.

Looking at the claims on my insurer's website, I see that Prometheus indeed tried to charge my insurance $2,500 for the test, and my insurance denied it. There is an additional $50 claim to my insurance, which insurance did pay, which I think was for the cost of having the phlebotomist visit my home.

Prometheus sent me several mailers about their payment assist program, which I just ignored because my income is too high. And for the next 6 months I sat anxiously waiting to receive a bill in the mail for several thousand dollars.

Well I'm happy to report that today, I finally received the bill from Prometheus, and it is for $75. I don't know why exactly they reduced it to that amount, but I am certainly not going to complain.

Now, I'm not certain of this, but my GUESS would be that the $75 rate is only for people who are doing self-pay. So, hilariously, if I had gotten the prior authorization done on time, my out of network coinsurance would have required me to pay 35% of the total claim, which would be $875. So, I mean....I can't guarantee that your experience will be the same as mine, but it seems to me like it is to your advantage to not go through your insurance for this test.

Oh, and Prometheus will NOT hold your test results hostage while they try to get paid. They sent the results to my doctor soon after the draw. And my levels were good!

ANYWAY, this was long, but I wanted to share everything I wish I had known before going through this. I hope it will help someone else who is trying to navigate this process!!!

#humira #prometheus #biologics #remicade #stelara #entyvio #healthcare #health insurance #essay post #medication #labs #phlebotomy #bloodwork

11 notes · View notes

smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

Text

Trade Off - Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody x Reader (Animal Kingdom)

@wltz-bby @happyskywhale

@mandy23b - in advance please forgive this ridiculous little AU.🙈 GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: Look - it’s my favourite scene in the whole movie, OK? Let me have this slight AU! But we all know in the happy universe in my head it all worked out after this right?

Also, for those unaware, yes... you can sing about stock trading! Imagine how happy I was to find fitting lyrics!

Disclaimer: AK has nothing to do with me / I really tried to gloss over/layman's terms stock trading... I don’t know if I did a good job / Lyrics & gifs not mine.

Premise: After Baz pitches to Andrew the idea of stock trading it’s clear his friend is fairly dismissive. Baz enlists your help to follow through...

Words: 4126

Warnings: Swearing / brief mention of drugs / Slight AU

_____

Your gonna break my bank before too long I'm taking out a loan But when you turn your kind of lovin' on Honey I just can't say no, no no no no no no

Your gonna break my bank before too long I'm running out of dough But when you turn your kind of magic on Honey I just can't say no, no no no

Maybe I'll play the stock market Put some money in my pocket Ain't no telling what your gonna need next I need to steal a Sherman tank Just to break into a bank All my buddies think it's funny 'Cause I'm spending all my money On some honey like there's something to prove 'Cause for a little of your lovin' There ain't nothing much that I wouldn't do It's a business doing pleasure, a business doing pleasure with you

---

With the amount of time Andrew and yourself seemed to be spending around each other these days, you weren’t sure why one of you hadn’t taken up permanent residence in the others home. That deduction wasn’t exactly fair – he was with you to hide from the police for yet another thing he’d gone and done (that you didn’t want to know about), and he wasn’t about to leave the house you’d just pulled up at. Maybe Baz would eventually be able to persuade him that living with you was the good idea, but you weren’t sure you’d be able to do it alone. Of course without Baz you wouldn’t be here right now with all your gear – but you understood why this wasn’t a conversation that could come through Andrew. He’d never talk about it, maybe bury it in the back of his mind and forget the discussion ever happened with his friend. Baz had got home and immediately called you, to try and keep the idea on the table. By involving you Baz would create two fronts for the same goal; perhaps you’d be able to collectively persuade something out of Andrew yet – out of this house and out of this life… You weren’t about to hold your breath. But you’d take anything as a start. When you reached the front door and knocked, you were surprised for it not to be opened by your partner (or his partner in crime). Andrew usually headed you off at the sound of your engine, instead you came face to face with a teen you didn’t recognise. He also clearly had no idea who you were, by the fact that he stood there blinking with a blank expression. You took a step back and surveyed the driveway; okay, one car was missing but you doubted that absolutely everyone was out at once. You wouldn’t expect Andrew to venture out under anything but the cover of midnight with the cops probably still out there looking for him… having said that, apparently the lead up conversation had happened in a supermarket, so what did you know. “Uh,” You turned back to him, looking super awkward and not at all a part of the house he was standing in, “hey. Are the guys in?” He straightened a little, “Uhm, some of them are y-yeah, would you like me to get them? I mean I can-” He pointed back, then squinted at you, trying to recall if he had ever seen your face and if there were a name to go with it. Concluding the answer was no, he asked the question; “Uhm, who..?” “Y/N.” Your eyes flicked behind him, “Though you can also hold that thought.” “I’ll take it from here, mate.” The teen turned to Andrew, a few steps behind him up the corridor, and also who you were now staring at. “Oh, sure.” His back up against the wall already let you know what the power play was. “Hey-!” You stopped him before he left, “What’s your name?” “…Jay.” “Jay? Jay… Jay…” You pondered for a second, because Andrew had mentioned this before, “Oh! Julia’s son! Yes! It’s nice to meet you, Jay!” and with a smile on your face, to Jay it was almost startling that anyone to do with this family – Andrew in particular - would give him such a thing. “You too, Y/N.” Andrew shot him a look that seemed to suggest he forget your name in the next 3 seconds or face consequences, before turning those blue eyes on you. “What are you doing here?” You kept your reply level to his blunt question. “You just left. Which I expected, but you left some stuff. Not why I’m here, though.” You indicated to the house, “May I enter?” Andrew took a step back and nodded, beckoning you forward. You looked left and right with an affirming nod that you weren’t followed and hopped inside, arms winding around him immediately. “Oh my god, Andrew, are you okay?” “Fine.” You closed your eyes, burying your face in his shoulder, waiting patiently until he returned your embrace, “I know it’s stupid,” you mumbled, “but every time I hear sirens, I…” “Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself.” He only murmured it, hand to the back of your head, “…Why did you come?” “Oh, well-” You didn’t want to pull away but you wished to explain, moving your laptop case around, “I hear you don’t have a computer – and failing that, I do have every decent stock trading newspaper you could possibly hope for!” Andrew blinked slowly a few times, bemused by your encouraging grin, “Baz.” It wasn’t a question. “Mhm!” “You’re both crazy.” You weren’t about to let him dismiss this, and followed him into the back of the house – by the looks of it only he and Jay were in, “Wait-! I thought it was a good shout! Will you at least hear us out?” “No. It’s ridiculous.” “Andrew…” He paused and turned to your defeated tone, “Humour me.” He sighed heavily at the look on your face, “Okay. Fine…” He held his hand out for yours, and you linked your fingers with a gentle smile, it was a start. Hopefully Andrew would be receptive to the rest of the information you had to impart. ***

You slid your laptop out of its bag and powered it on, Andrew sat tentatively next to you, clearly unsure about the whole thing. You were certain that by the time you’d talked him through this, and made it so easy for him to understand what to do, with Baz’s help you could turn the tables. You didn’t think this was going to be an overnight miracle, but if it did anything at all that would be an achievement.

As you waited for your own profile to load, you opened today’s selection of newspapers to the trading pages and lay them out in front of him. Right now they looked like a bunch of funny letters with green, red or black numbers. And occasionally a confusing looking graph. It wouldn’t be long before Andrew Cody was reading these like a pro. “Woah.” Andrew’s eyes flicked from the papers to your screen, and he jabbed the number in the top right, “What is that?!” You supposed to him ‘that’ was an eye watering amount of Australian dollars. “That’s how much my portfolio is worth right now. It’ll fluctuate but it’s always somewhere around there. I always tend to go safe - but that means buying high and usually they stay high. You can buy low and have something grow exponentially, but also risk investments blowing up in your face. As you’re starting, maybe you’d like to invest in a bit of both. It’s all a guessing game Andrew, so there’s no wrong answers. If I set you up a profile and get you started, you can do it at your leisure. If you don’t want the hassle of a computer, then it’s as easy as collecting a paper, I can manage your portfolio for you. Or you can go the other way and pay someone else to do it. And if you trust them, then it’s as simple as giving them your money and they make the trades for you. But that’s maybe not so much fun if you’re looking to make a living out of this, which you certainly can. It’ll give you something to do, at least.” “Yeah, but how does that work? How do you make money?” You supposed you were happy that he had questions, and was cutting straight to it. You’d expect nothing less from this Cody. “Two ways. Your shares pay out dividends to you – i.e. a share of company profits - a few times a year, best to spread your portfolio over companies that pay out in different months to have a steadier income! Or you buy low, sell high as you can, or buy high sell even higher and make money like that. Then you keep the money or invest it, so on and so forth.” Baz had explained to you that he'd put thousands into this and was making good money and that he’d mentioned this to Andrew, met only with confusion. It was your job to untangle that.

You pointed to the number he was still staring at, “If I sell everything I have right now, I can have that in the bank, right? Instead I get paid steadily throughout the year. If you’re gonna make a living out of this,” you made sure to give him a look that would get Andrew’s stare back on you, because you meant it, “you’ll probably want to do a bit of both.” “Where am I getting the money for this, exactly?” You folded your arms, he surely had money of his own but you wanted all this to be as clean as possible, “If you’re prepared to take this seriously, I’m prepared to front you the money. I can make recommendations too if you want that. But I was gonna help you pick a few out for yourself...” “I don’t even know where to start.” Andrew’s voice strained for a second as he ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. “Baby, baby...” The last thing you needed was for him to start winding up on you, you took his hand “that’s why I’m here. We do this together, slow or fast as you like, okay? Let’s see what you like the look of, alright?” “...I- I don’t know...” “Andrew.” You moved your hands to his thighs, face close to his, “This is yours, you’re not expected to be an expert overnight, but you have help now. This is a real chance for you... and I know that counts for something. You can’t want to spend the rest of your life like you have the past few months?” You didn’t want him to either, and as he turned from you again you scraped your nails through his hair, as if to tuck it back behind his ear. Andrew’s blue eyes searched your screen for an answer, hand laying on top of yours, not holding you, but still there. “Hey, maybe you and Baz can go into trading together.” You thought that might have been Baz’s idea and motivation anyway, and if Andrew had someone to do this with, in times that you weren’t around, that might help his desire to be involved. His eyes returned to yours, this look hard and piercing, like you were insane. Andrew instantly began to set you straight: “You really think this is just gonna end?” “No.” And that was the truth. You knew better. “But I’m optimistic that it would wind down and you can change.” “It’s too late for that.” “No. It isn’t. Andrew you can’t write yourself off. No one else has - we’re here and we believe in you.” Baz and yourself, your family… The people that really mattered, the people who would actually support him. This time you linked his fingers with yours, “Baby, I want a future with you... I’m scared that one day someone is going to turn up at my door and tell me you’re dead.” It was obvious how serious you were by the tone of your voice, that little waiver you weren’t holding back. “Y/N...” “Andrew, I will beg you... please just- have a go and think about it, and I just- I don’t want to lose you.” He looked back to your portfolio - as if a bunch of numbers and charts and virtual money was going to give him all the answers. But how could it? How could this be the key to the way out of the life he was living? He didn’t see it - and yet you and Baz so desperately believed in this. Andrew didn’t want to let you both down, and yet maybe he could get a kick out of proving you both wrong. Crime was the only way... but crime isn’t the only way... Heck you already had tried labouring the point that drugs wasn’t going to cut it with you. But there were track marks still in his skin, weren’t there. You couldn’t save him, but you tried so hard... you probably deserved him trying. “Okay.” His voice was quiet, but he looked back to you with a nod, “Show me.” You explained it all in as basic layman’s terms; most important to you was that he didn’t have any excuses for not being able to follow though once you left. You taught him how to read the numbers and exchange names in the paper first, green up, red down, black unchanged. That as long as he had noted what he bought them at he could always make sure to sell at profit. Then you spent a little while setting up his profile on your website and Andrew began trying to figure out where he wanted to invest the money you were saying you’d front him. You had a lot of fun watching him scrunch his face in concentration and try to reason out why he should invest in this particular thing. Some of it was way off, but you guided him - he’d get it, of that you were certain. Andrew was sharp, this was all new. You wouldn’t be surprised if later tonight you got a call: Y/N, I can’t sleep but I’ve been thinking about these investments and... You kept flicking back to your own to show him that he could start with what looked small and yet end up with something like this relatively easily, and you knew Andrew was starting to get it when he could interpret a graph without you telling him what it meant. And there was a hint of enjoyment on his face when you would smile and nod and say, “Yes exactly!”

The next time you heard footsteps, Baz was the one waltzing into the room. “Ahhh! Jay told me you two would be hiding someplace and HOLY SHIT-! Is that an investment portfolio!?!” He jogged his friend’s shoulder, “Oh, so it’s hard if I ask, but when your girlfriend pulls up you can put one together, huh!?” Andrew tipped his head, pushing Baz back, “You’re in this together, don’t give me that bullshit.” Baz cackled and hugged you, “Ah! That’s my girl-! You got him invested in you yet?!” “No, that could go wrong, very wrong. I didn’t even mention my company.” Andrew’s eyes flicked between you, causing Baz to smirk, “There you go Pope, you can get your criminal activity in there instead-! Invest and break the law! And you don’t even have to go outside to do it!” “Don’t encourage him!” You folded your arms, mouth open in disbelief - the goal of this was the complete opposite! This was Baz’s big plan, what was he doing!? “What?” “Insider trading.” You turned to Andrew, “Like, buy shares of my company and, as CIO, I tell you when you buy or sell depending on what we’re up to that will have the stock market value pushed up or down.” “Oh, you can do that?” And then at the look on your face Andrew changed track, “But it would be illegal. I get it. Can I invest in your company though?” “Knock yourself out, but I’m not telling you anything!” “This is your chance to have her never talk about work to you ever again, Pope! I’d take it!” “Shut up!” But there was even a small amused smile on Andrew’s face as Baz laughed this time around. “See all you need is to know some people within companies and you can do insider trading all over your portfolio!!” “I thought we were getting out of crime not getting you in more trouble!” “I’m trying to encourage him!” “Can’t believe I’m about to say it’s better than drugs, but we are not starting with insider trading! Oh my god-!” “Ah! But it is better than pushing drugs! Right Andrew?” Andrew looked to you, and you dare him to say it, “She thinks anything is better than drugs.” “I cannot believe you two.” You turned back to Baz, “Leave right now-! Before he latches onto this...!” “I was only kidding!” But he motioned to leave anyway, grabbing Andrew’s shoulders again, “I know she’s joking but seriously no insider trading, mate, you’ll lose her!” “I’ll lose my job too probably!” “Ah-! Yeah, definitely not-!” Baz waved, “See you later, happy investing!” Then turned back, “Oh yeah! Pope, remember to make sure that portfolio also supports your uptown girls’ lavish lifestyle!” He looked directly at you, tongue in cheek. “WHAT?!” “Gotta cost to run a Lamborghini everywhere in your designer heels and purse, darlin’.” You let Baz know you were not impressed, but that only made him laugh as he started back down the stairs. Andrew watched him go with a shake of his head; “He’s a fucking moron.” “His heart is in the right place.” You mused, turning back to your partner, “Yours is sometimes, too.”

Before long Andrew was leaning on his arms staring at your computer screen with a blank look on his face. You thought that meant that his interested attention on this was just about over. You made sure your movement was slow as you ran your hand up his arm and shoulder, stroking his back gently before sifting your fingers through his hair. Andrew’s eyes remained on your screen as he blinked slow, but the quiet hum you pulled from him was enough; he was content. When you moved to shut everything down, he simply nodded and let you continue to stroke his back for a few minutes; he closed his eyes, moving his head to rest across his arms and you knew Andrew felt safe, he trusted you enough to simply do that. Baz gave you a general call soon after: “Kids! We’re eating if you wanna come grab something.” Andrew was slow off the mark, wanting to stay with just you for a little while longer, but when he followed you downstairs, Baz and Jay were out of the way of the main room and kitchen. You sat yourself up on the counter as you both continued your conversation, sometimes with words and sometimes in silence but fluid, there was no break in communication, not even once. Andrew remained as close to you as possible and you ate in comfortable silence, still content to sit up on the counter. He seemed a little too into touching you today, nearly always keeping a hand on one part of you – you were prepared to call him possessive; it was surely Jay’s presence making him do this. If not you’d welcome a change up, but you highly doubted that after all this time Andrew would do such a thing. You let him if only to revel in the attention, making sure to afford him affection back, hand over his, or touching him in the same place. All very delicate – and yet kissing you was a step too far, no matter how close he got. You’d persuade one out of him eventually, you were sure… You spent a little time after that talking with Jay and Baz, glad that the other three weren’t present. Although not entirely sure why, also not eager to find out. Andrew’s participation in the conversation barely registered, attention on you the whole time. Today not hard to keep, and very much wanted. If only you could guarantee such a thing more regularly… and yet maybe if Baz and yourself managed to achieve something, and start something here, perhaps you really could. Eventually your mobile rudely interrupted you. “What? No! Stay!” Baz protested. “Much as I would love to,” you glanced to Andrew, “and I really would – David’s in town so I gotta go meet him.” “David?” “Brother.” Andrew answered for you. You noticed how it never quite got back to his family that your foster brother also happened to be a cop. Long may it remain that way. “Aw, bring him here!” “Uh. NO.” You waved that one off quickly, “It was lovely to meet you Jay! Baz, a pleasure as always!” “No worries – I’ll call you later this week, yeah?” “You may.” You gave him a wink, as if he needed your permission, and collected your bag before Andrew walked you to the door. “If you need me to get you a computer-” He made a sound of discontent, “Let’s just- see how it goes. Okay?” “Alright, but I’m here for you, you know that, right?” “Of course I do.” He gave a nod, “I said I’d try. I’m not breaking a promise to you.” Try was a big word, Andrew was always trying for you… You just wanted something to stick now. You prayed it would be this. His hand remained in yours until you got to the outside door, where you swivelled back to him, gathering his other hand. “Thank you, for hearing us out on this.” “Save that for more than day one.” “But there’s a day one!” You beamed, “That already means more to me than you can imagine.” Andrew gave a nonchalant shrug, but he could imagine, quite clearly. You pulled yourself into him, brushing your lips gently to his. As he wasn’t being so generous with his kisses today, you were content to leave it as just that. Instead Andrew let your hands go and locked his arms behind your shoulders; keeping you against his lips, Andrew’s kiss became fierce. Oh, you’ll kiss me like this now your nephew isn’t in sight, huh?! But you wanted it; pushing your body up against his you wound your arms around him, fingers tangling back in his hair as he coaxed a gentle groan from you. Of course that was what Andrew wanted, by the way he smirked into the kiss. He pulled back, leaving you a little wide eyed and whiney, automatically craving more than that – and trying to catch your breath without panting too hard. By the way his eyes were studying your face (and liking what he saw), Andrew was clearly going to leave it there and took a step back as if to prove it. “Will I see you later?” It took a moment for what he’d said to register, “Uh, I… We’re having dinner, but as far as I know he’s driving back. Do you want me back… here?” “Call me when you’re done. I’ll see where I’m at.” “O-Okay…” Your head was still swimming from the kiss, and he shook his head slowly at you, granting you a single chaste one for balance, and as a mercy. You almost verbally thanked him. You took Andrew’s hand back in yours to walk those final two steps out of the house and the door, before turning to say your final goodbyes. Probably not for the day, maybe you’d get to see him later on. Hopefully he’d make good on that kiss – there’s no way Andrew didn’t know you didn’t want to leave him now. As you walked towards your car he couldn’t resist calling after you: “Don’t forget to keep me up to date on what you’re doing before you report to the street!” You couldn’t help but burst out laughing as you slid into your car, “Hell no, Andrew Cody! We aren’t doing that!” As you buckled up and started your engine he strolled over, so you wound your window down, “What?” He leant on your car door, “I did want to thank you for coming up. On account of everything else you do. Take care of yourself.” You rubbed his hands affectionately with a small smile, “You don’t have to thank me verbally.” Evidence, that’s what you really wanted. “I will, make sure you do too. No insider trading! I’m serious!” “No promises. Say hi to David.” You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, he’s exactly the kind of person who’d pick you up on it… Stay safe, at least until I call you again.” Andrew gave a nod, but it wouldn’t surprise you if his fingers were crossed behind his back as he stepped away from your car, hand raised. You waved back, taking a deep breath. One step at a time… You could do this, the three of you could do this if you worked together… It would be worth it; the road might be long but the destination was worth getting to. If Andrew could see that. He will, one day he will… You smiled as you pulled from the curb, you had faith, you believed in him. You had a future. There was nothing else worth believing in.

---

Thank you for reading! 😘😘😘

#Animal Kingdom #Ben Mendelsohn #Andrew Cody #Pope Cody #Andrew Pope Cody #186 #Andrew Cody x Reader #Andrew Pope Cody x Reader #Pope Cody x Reader #double-meaning title!#I think he looses the Ben element just once here #and I also realise how much of this is her initiating affection which goes back on nearly everything said previous... but it works for this #Elaiyna #Probably the more realistic way of how Elaiyna would meet Jay for the first time #Oh yeah David is back!#AU because Baz is alive and obvs in my head Andrew does this for real and we get a nice ending #Because honestly this is not a relationship I want to tear apart. But I don't see how they can work out either #Learning with Linzi: Stock Trading

35 notes · View notes

iohourtime · 3 years

Text

Kiokuya (The Memory Eraser) Review - With Spoilers

Since I read the book, sort of followed the filming progress, and read a bunch of interviews (that all sounded the same after a while), I should finish off by writing a review for the movie itself!

Thanks to the pandemic, I was stuck at home watching Netflix for 7 months, so I’ve watched all sorts of movies & TV; sadly most are in the average to crappy category. To me, Kiokuya was probably in the average to slightly above average category. In other words, there are elements I like and there are things I feel the movie can improve on.

The review is a bit long since apparently I have a lot of thoughts about the script.😅 I pretty much summed up my thoughts in the “theme” section. If you are interested in the book / movie differences & things from the DVD visual commentary, I included those in the script & characters section. (Movie Walker included highlights from the visual commentary here.) . If you want to discuss the movie but don’t want to put spoilers on Twitter, leave me a message.

Theme:

The movie’s main theme is obviously about memory. If a memory is making your life miserable, or even stopping you from living, is it better to erase it? Or do all memories, even bad ones, shape you as a human? If someone’s memory of you is gone, are you killed in their minds? If you think someone is better off forgetting you, do you have the right to ask Kiokuya to erase their memories of you? Are the memories gone forever? If you have the power to erase someone’s memory, what are your responsibilities? And to some extent, what are the criteria to evaluate each request and what due diligence should you do before you accept this task? These were the questions the movie wanted you to ask. You know because the movie kept hitting you on the head through the dialogue! That’s probably my main complaint about the movie.

I didn’t study film so I don’t know the theories, but I think being heavy handed at telling you what you should be thinking is like listening to a textbook; it robs the audience of the chance to experience and internalize what they saw, and as a result, they are less able to connect emotionally to the film. That’s not to say people are not moved by the movie and empathize with the characters. I feel that it had more to do with the actors than the script though.

I think the cinematography was generally nice. I liked how they used the drone shots to film the beautiful Hiroshima scenery. The sunset scene was beautiful. The music did not seem intrusive. Other than that, I’m not sure I have more to say. (Fine. Yamada looked good in the plaid shirts and his hair was on point.)

Script vs Book: (Spoiler alert from here on!)

Kiokuya, the movie, was an adaptation of a “horror” novel of the same name. Although there were horror elements, mostly because Kiokuya was kind of a shadowy figure, even the novel itself was focused more on humanity. The original story was divided into 4 parts; the first 3 parts were really 3 separate short stories that explored different reasons people have for wanting their memories erased. The final part was about Kiokuya herself. The Ryoichi character simply served as a bridge between the stories. Here’s a brief description:

Kyoko - A while ago, she was attacked in a dark alley but was saved at the last minute. Even though she was unharmed, she developed a crippling phobia of the dark, so she locked herself inside her home at night and was not able to live a normal life. She and Ryoichi were kinda but not really dating, and Ryoichi, being a typical guy, figured he could fix her. Kyoko tried everything but as a last resort, she asked Kiokuya to erase her memory of the attack. Since her relation with Ryoichi was based almost entirely on overcoming the phobia, she forgot him too. Through this incident, Ryoichi remembered how Maki had her memory erased when she was 5 or 6 - she saw her mom confessing to her dad that she had an affair with her uncle. Kiokuya might have erased Maki’s memory a second time when she was 10-12. Finally, he realized he “forgot” about his year-long investigation of Kiokuya with Takahara & others. It seemed like he was doggedly pursuing Kiokuya because he felt violated more than his undying love for Kyoko. In his own words, he didn’t try to rebuild his relationship with Kyoko again after she forgot about him. There was nothing stopping him, so his feelings towards Kyoko were not that deep.

Takahara - He was a 30 year old ikemen lawyer, though like the movie, he was dying. The chapter focused on his touching friendship with his assistant. Takahara was also close with Nanami, a suicidal, 17-year-old daughter of a client who became very attached to him. When Takahara found out Nanami planned to kill herself after he died, he asked Kiokuya to erase her memory of him so that she would live on.

Misao & Kaname - They were childhood friends and Misao started crushing on Kaname. She confessed and was rejected, but after that, they were not able to be friends like before. She figured if she erased everything about Kaname, they may be able to start over and become friends again without the awkward feelings.

Maki - Ryoichi thought Maki was looking for Kiokuya to erase some unpleasant memories. Then he found out she was Kiokuya, who inherited her ability from her grandfather. In the end, Maki confessed to the burden of being Kiokuya and Ryoichi told her he would support her and that she didn’t have to do it alone. Maki decided to erase anything Kiokuya related in his memory, but their friendship remained intact. Oh, Maki was 17 in the book and also had a crush on Ryoichi. She erased his memories many times before. Like in the movie, she also would like Ryoichi to love her just once, although he never ever saw her as anyone other than his annoying little sister. 😅

The director of the movie, Hirakawa Yuichi, also wrote or co-wrote the script. While the movie stuck to the themes of the novel, the motivations were completely different. Kyoko and Misao were both rape victims, Takahara now wanted to protect his young daughter from the sadness of his death, and Maki was herself kidnapped by a psychopath when she was a kid. I guess Hirakawa needed to pump up the drama and felt the stakes were not high enough for a 2 hour movie? There is always some uneasiness with using rape and trauma to move the story along. I guess there is a difference between this and the usual example of “fridging a female character”, i.e. kill a love interest of the hero to motivate him on some journey. Ryoichi was motivated by being erased and he actually gradually realized he should not push for restoring Kyoko’s memories if it was her wish. He only found out what happened to her at the end of the movie. Considering their relationship in the movie was a lot more serious, they couldn’t really use the phobia of darkness reason. However, it would also take something really big for Kyoko to want her memory erased while not talking to Ryoichi beforehand. Anyway, I really don’t see a way out of this.

For Misao though, I didn’t think they needed to make her a victim of the same serial rapist, especially when they use the same reason as the book for erasing Kaname. I suppose they need to explain why Nanami (and later Ryoichi) was looking into them? But they could just have the doctor referred the case (who appeared to be breaking doctor-patient confidentiality?! Just me?) In fact, the whole Misao / Kaname storyline didn’t really do much other than allowing Ryoichi to find out from Kaname that Kiokuya was a young girl.

Maki’s childhood trauma was also a bit excessive. I can’t see it as anything other than to get Ryoichi out to Hiroshima to talk to Grandpa. While finding out mom was “dealing with” uncle would be traumatic for a young child, it might not be dramatic enough for a movie.

Ryoichi & Maki’s origins were also changed. They were now raised in Hiroshima and moved to Tokyo to attend university. The only reason was to place Grandpa-Kiokuya in Hiroshima after the bombing. While I liked the grandpa scene, was it necessary? They already covered the “Kiokuya after WWII” with the interview with the elderly woman. I think they could still keep Grandpa, since he was Kiokuya (and ironically suffering from Alzheimer’s) but maybe just skip the elderly woman part and use those minutes to build Ryoichi & Kyoko’s relationship!

Upgrading Ryoichi & Kyoko’s relationship to being engaged gave him more incentive to look for Kiokuya, but all we got to see was 1 proposal scene and some snapshots, which made it harder for us to understand the loss Ryoichi experienced when Kyoko forgot him. Ultimately, I feel that more time should be given to the “before” times. They don’t even need that much. If done effectively like the movie Searching with John Cho, 5 minutes or so of clips would be enough to get us to care more. I’m not saying people won’t care, but it’s true that there are people who didn’t quite feel it. Yamada basically had to sell it with longing looks at Renbutsu, so how deeply you feel for them depends on whether you buy it or not.

Takahara’s story might have been changed because of who they cast. Also, Takahara & Nanami’s relationship in the book was kinda weird, considering Nanami actually loved him and she was 17 while he was 30. I definitely cannot agree with how Movie Takahara wanted to erase his daughter’s memory to spare her the pain of losing him. It reminded me of that Black Mirror episode where the mom put in a blocker to shield her daughter from bad things. It ended up messing up the girl & broke their relationship. Young children are resilient and the sadness would eventually change into something else, which would shape their characters. Also, just because she forgot her birth father didn’t mean she would suddenly get along with her stepfather. I won’t even get into the whole consent thing. It was a good thing Maki did not follow through.

Less good was what Movie Maki did to Ryoichi & Kyoko though. When I found out Movie Ryoichi & Kyoko were engaged instead of “pre-dating” like in the book, I was quite worried they would have Movie Maki erase Ryoichi from Kyoko’s mind for selfish reasons. I was hoping that maybe he got erased by mistake, but unfortunately, the script did go with the jealousy angle, which made Maki extremely unsympathetic.

In the visual commentary, they said they rewrote the ending because it didn’t fit. Maki erased her entire existence from Ryoichi's mind as penance for what she did. (I think initially, they were going with the book ending where Maki just erased Kiokuya from his head.) In the end, the actual cut used in the movie was more ambiguous - they “left it to the audience” to decide how much Maki erased and whether Ryoichi & Kyoko got a second chance at happiness. (The director said it ended on a hopeful note. Take it how you want.)

It’s unclear if Movie Maki erased Ryoichi’s memories more than once, but Book Maki had done it many times. Even though Book Maki seemed more responsible with her powers and didn’t slip up like Movie Maki, she did wipe part of Ryoichi’s memories without his consent. Ryoichi said that she didn’t have to do this alone and she could lean on him, so why didn’t she? Also, losing all that memory got to have some long term effect on him, right? In the movie, it was worse because Maki took the “easy” way out by erasing herself. Yes, she was punishing herself, but shouldn’t the more courageous thing to do was to own up to what she had done and work for Ryoichi’s (& Kyoko’s) forgiveness?

Speaking of Ryoichi’s forgiveness, I actually saw some viewers calling Ryoichi a cad for telling Maki that he would always protect her and be by her side to protect her. Apparently they seemed to think he was in love with Maki and forgot all about Kyoko. Well, I think in that moment, there were 3 things going on: 1) Takahara told him that it was better to forgive and that there will be justice in other ways, 2) he understood why it was devastating to Kyoko to remember what happened and 3) Maki was like his little sister. His immediate desire to comfort his friend overrode the anger and betrayal he might have felt. Had Maki not erased his memory around 2 minutes after, who knew if they would have a more substantial talk? He didn’t even have a chance to talk to Kyoko. (I suspect Maki would have tried to “spare him” by erasing his relationship with Kyoko as well. He still ended up at the cafe because he could remember physically going there a lot.)

Overall, I think the movie was a bit unfocused due to some extraneous storylines and having too much exposition, which was a disservice to some of the characters. It failed to show how their relationships build, like Ryoichi & Takahara became buddies over what seemed like a week! I wish they trimmed a couple of the minor stories and used that time to go deeper on the main lines.

Characters / Actors:

Yoshimura Ryoichi (Yamada Ryosuke)

I was watching the movie and halfway through when it hit me… Yamada’s Ryoichi was… normal? I mean obviously quite good looking in the boy-next-door kind of way, but Ryoichi was a regular, run-of-the-mill university student, who was normally an optimistic and forgiving but happened to be dealing with heartbreak at the moment. Seriously, if you’ve watched Yamada’s other works, his characters are usually kind of comedic, sort of pathetic, occasionally brilliant, psychotic, or… non-human. (Very odd roles for a Johnny’s actor.) He probably has not been this normal since the 24Hr drama. He still cried a lot, so that’s familiar.

OK, let’s get back on topic. Since Book Ryoichi functioned more as a character that connects the short stories rather than a real character, I didn’t have hopes for the movie version. Surprisingly, Movie Ryoichi came across as a real person and I did care what happened to him. While we didn’t get to see how Ryoichi & Kyoko were in happier times, he was able to convey the longing and slight awkwardness in their interaction when he tried to talk to her after. Similarly, in the scene where he learned of Takahara’s death, you could tell what was going through his mind even though he said nothing. Same with the final “confrontation” with Maki. Even though he didn’t say much, his eyes conveyed the emotions subtly: the longing, shock, confusion, etc. Overall, he was quite subtle and natural. As the articles say, he managed to “suppress his aura” and played an average guy. I hope he can play more of these subtle types of roles in future. (It is unfortunate that a lot of people have preconceived notions about Johnny’s actors, to put it politely. It’s like the reverse of the “fan blinder” that we sometimes get accused of having.)

Now there are some discussions as to whether he overacted in the crying scenes. The main “crying” scenes were probably 1) confession to grandpa in Hiroshima, 2) in the rain, and 3) reading the letter. I’ve seen people say he overacted in either 1) or 2).

When I first watched the Hiroshima scene, I did feel that his crying may have been a bit much because I was watching the movie with just Japanese subtitles, so I missed an important detail: Ryoichi told his mom he was going to Hiroshima to confront his past. When you consider that Ryoichi had been carrying the guilt for “causing” Maki’s kidnapping for 15 years, it was totally reasonable for him to prostrate himself in front of Grandpa. He would also be relieved when Grandpa told him the statute of limitation was over and he should forgive himself. As an aside, according to the director in the visual commentary, Yamada cried in the first take of the scene. Hirakawa said “Aren’t you crying too much?” Yamada said “OK, I’ll do another take without crying.” However, when the Director was cutting the movie together, he suddenly saw Ryoichi’s mental journey and ended up using the first take because it was the logical conclusion to the closure he got.

In the rain scene, he just learned about Kyoko’s attack. Knowing how much hurt she endured and how he did nothing to support and comfort her, he was still in a state of shock when he got knocked down. Then the dam burst and he cried hysterically. That seemed quite reasonable to me. I was more shocked that nobody checked on the guy who fell on the pavement and was crying. Pedestrians were cold! So I don’t really understand the objection to that scene. Maybe they thought this was something that happened a while ago and/or he didn’t love Kyoko that much, so he wouldn’t be that emotional?

I don’t think people have issues with the letter scene? Narratively, it made the most sense since he was close with Takahara, who was literally speaking to him from the grave via the letter. Oh, they talked about filming the letter scene in the visual commentary. Yamada was just reading the letter in silence and they added in Takahara’s narration in post production. Since he wanted to save the emotional outburst for the real take, he did not dare to look at the letter during the rehearsal.

One last thing, Yamada and Yoshine spoke in Hiroshima-ben when they were talking amongst each other. I have horrible listening skills and while I think he used some slang or phrasing, his accent still seemed mostly Kanto. It’s like if I call a bunch of people “wankers” with a Canadian accent; it doesn’t make me sound English. Maybe someone can tell me just how well (or not) he did.

Kawai Maki (Yoshine Kyoko)

I have only watched Yoshine in the drama Stay Tuned and I liked her there. She played this airhead character who could be super annoying if the balance was off, yet she came across as likeable. I think she portrayed Maki very well in this movie. Of course, I knew she was Kiokuya going in, so even at the beginning, you could see some of her subtle reactions to the Kiokuya discussions. I really liked her chemistry with Yamada - they felt like they could have been lifelong friends. While she played the annoying little sister part quite well, you could also see the pain she felt when she had to make difficult choices like erasing Nanami’s memory. Throughout the movie, you could sense her regret for what she did to Ryoichi. Her emotions in the final scene were also very raw. While Maki’s characterization was problematic, Yoshine was really good at playing that character and you might even be sympathetic towards her. Also, I feel that her Hiroshima-ben might be more on point? Some people didn’t buy that she was in love with Ryoichi the whole time. I thought the flashbacks made it pretty clear but I’ve also read the book, so there’s that.

In the visual commentary, they were talking about their various acting styles. Yoshine said she carried her emotions with her even after the director shouted cut. So when she was shooting the last scene, she was still crying furiously afterwards. Yamada said she was like an acting monster - she could get right into the emotions even during the table read. It was funny how different she is from Yamada and Renbutsu. They are the flip-the-switch type - when the director yells cut, it was like they woke up from a dream into a different world. She also apologized to Yamada when they were watching the scene where she confessed to selfishly erasing Kyoko’s memory of Ryoichi.😅

Takahara Tomoaki (Sasaki Kuranosuke)

I have not seen Sasaki’s other projects, so I had no idea what to expect. His Takahara came across as pretty charming, easy going, and playful, though you could feel his love for his daughter and the hard decision he had to make. He also had a natural chemistry with the other cast and was very believable. While I disagree with what Takahara wanted, Sasaki’s acting as Takahara made sense. I don’t know what more to say. It is probably expected since he is a veteran and is generally well regarded as an actor.

Sawada Kyoko (Renbutsu Misako)

I have only seen Renbutsu in Hagaren. I liked her character there. I also liked how Yamada decided to break the ice with her back then by asking if she has any friends. (She had more friends than him. 😅) To be honest, there wasn’t much for her to do in this movie, although I think she was believable as the very confused Kyoko. She was apprehensive about Ryoichi in the “after” scenes, who was honestly coming across too strong. I don’t think Ryoichi & Kyoko really had crackling sexual chemistry based on the proposal scene, but they seemed like a cute couple. They were pretty cute together in the behind-the-scenes featurette when they took the “dating photos”. I wish those dates were included in the movie.

Conclusion:

As you can see above, I have some general issues about the script but I think the actors elevated the story. The movie could have been better if it streamlined some of the storylines. Right now, it was trying to go for a deeper message but the stories themselves were a bit too superficial to accomplish that. I suppose the problem was that the original novel was more like an anthology of short stories dealing with memory, so it was hard to create a through line for a movie.

#Kiokuya #anata ha wasurenai #yamada ryosuke #yoshine kyoko #sasaki kuranosuke #renbutsu misako #review #spoilers #the memory eraser

18 notes · View notes

dottiechan · 3 years

Note

Hey!! I've been following your blog for a while and I love your style! I read you are self taught. I want to learn how to draw people too so I thought I'd ask: can you recommend some resources that worked for you? Thank you soo much! 😸

Hi! Thanks for the ask, and for your kind words!

A little something to consider though before I proceed with the rest of my answer - take everything I say/recommend with a grain of salt. “Self-taught” isn’t a mysteriously elusive concept, it doesn’t mean someone’s mastered a skill all by themselves, it simply means taking control of your own learning process and allowing yourself to find the methods and ways that benefit you. If something anyone recommends doesn’t work for you and makes you feel bad in any way, I say ignore it.

That being said, you can find the rest of my thoughts beneath the cut:

Find the right platform and tools

This is step 0. Nothing will feel right unless you find a form of artistic self-expression that resonates within you. I find digital art to be much more forgiving and not to mention cheaper than the more tradtional ways, but not every platform works for me. I’ve been using Autodesk Sketchbook for a while now because it is completely free, beginner friendly and has just enough tools to help you make more elaborate drawings as well, but I would break down crying if I had to learn how to use Photoshop (while some people excel at it!). As for tablets, I totally recommend the Wacom ones. I’ve been using my Wacom Intuos Comic tablet with my laptop for years and I’ve never had any issues with it.

References

I suck at human anatomy. There, I’ve said it. I’ve never learned it properly for drawing purposes, and every attempt I’ve made to do so simply left me frustrated, so unforntunately I don’t have many resources for you, per se. Whenever I try using anatomy guides or tutorials, my drawings end up looking weird. So I mainly only use references. IMO anatomy doesn’t matter much as long as the shapes look natural, and as long as your drawing conveys the message you want it to convey. References help guide you, while giving you the necessary freedom to make adjustments as you see fit (while on the other hand I personally find rigid anatomical “rules” restricting). Use references for everything - the lighting, the face, the hair, the hands, the clothes. I always have several photos saved to my phone while I’m drawing that I often look at.

(If you want to learn how human anatomy works though, more power to you! There is an great amount of drawing tutorials out there by wonderful artists! :))

Some of my favourite places to go to for pose refs:

Senshistock

SketchDaily Reference Site

Kibbitzer

Google images of celebrities or models (cliche, I know, but it’s a good way to get many references of the same body type, face, etc.)

Some tips I wish someone told me when I got into digital art:

If you find poses or faces difficult at first, practice by tracing. A lot. Get familiar and even intimate with certain recurring lines or ratios or curves, and eventually they will come back to you when you draw without tracing. Gradually shift to just looking at references. This will take time, so be patient with yourself. Tracing is a great way to warm up to a new platform and/or tablet too - this is how I got comfortable with my current setup 3 years ago. (Out of respect for the creators, do not claim traced refs as your own work.)

It will probably take a while, so practice as often as you can. Unfortunately, there is no way around this, but instead of setting a goal (i.e. “I want to learn how to draw people”), try to enjoy the journey. Even when you think your drawings don’t come out as well or as realisitc as you want them to, you’re drawing people. And you can find unique solutions once you let go of this “ideal state” you want to reach. That’s when your style will emerge. :)

Something looks wonky or out of place in your initial sketch? No problem. Use the Quick transform > Lasso tool in Sketchbook to outline and drag the part where it would look better. I have salvaged so many sketches like this, such an easy fix to when you mess up the ratios in for instance a face.

Find The Brush. The One Brush to rule them all. The brush that makes you feel the most comfortable, the one that accomodates your style the most. (Mine is the Dry Marker. I feel like I could conquer the world with it.)

Always change the background colour from white to something a little darker. That way it is so much easier to add white highlights and make a face or a body look more 3 dimensional. (Especially if you’re lazy like yours truly, and would like to get away with not adding any colours to a drawing.)

Put everything on separate layers!!! Otherwise making even minor tweaks will be extremely difficult.

#dottiechanart #dottiechan asks #anonymous #i hope you'll find something useful here nonny :)

9 notes · View notes

illogicallyinclined · 4 years

Note

I wanna know how the boys are when they get sick? Does Patton go full motherhen on them? Does Roman act like he's dying? Would Virgil act like nothing is wrong? Is Dee a small grouchy baby? Does Logan try to ignore it? Oh god what would Remus do? I would like some fluffy sickfic things pretty please?

i’m actually feelin under the weather myself, so let’s Talk Some Boys

tws: neglect/abuse, vague allusions to death of family member, trust issues, cursing, medication mention, Remus being kind of gross (snot mention, gross food)

going from the worst immune system to the best, we have…

Patton

okay, so patton is – in fact – a Mother Hen to end all mother hens, but he’s also a Giant Hypocrite, because he??? doesn’t want anyone else mother-henning over him?

like. he has one of the weakest immune systems on the team. he gets sick every flu season like clockwork and yet, even though it’s obvious that he must be feeling miserable, he’ll downplay his sickness because he doesn’t want to worry anyone or cause any sort of imposition

and yeah, part of this is because he used to hide illness from his older sister so that she wouldn’t have to drop everything to take care of him when she was already doing so much to play the position as family matriarch, but part of it is also just Patton. (we stan a repression king)

when it gets bad enough, he’ll tell Coach Thomas, but that’s only because he doesn’t want to accidentally spread anything to everyone else. (he’s been patient 0 before, and it made him feel terrible, so now he tries to avoid it whenever he possibly can)

the team worries anyway (OBVIOUSLY), and Patton gets Very Emotional when teammates show up to offer soup/well-wishes/medicine because “i went to CVS earlier, and it appears that some cough medicine must have fallen into my bag while i was shopping, i don’t even need cough medicine, could you do me a favor and take this off of my hands right now and immediately?”

he’ll accept help if someone offers, but his goal is usually to recover on his own so that nobody HAS to

let your team love you, you foolish, beautiful boy

Virgil

Virgil hates when people fuss over him too terribly while he’s sick, both because he feels bad when they spend their time worrying (like Patton) and because he doesn’t want people babying him in general

he always used to try and hide when he was sick from his mother because he didn’t want her to have to take off work, and he was good at it – because he’s pale and baggy-eyes Most of the Time – but when the cough sets in, he can’t hide it from anyone anymore

that said, she always caught him eventually, so he is – begrudgingly – used to having people around and offering to take care of him

that doesn’t mean he’s always happy about it, though. Patton tries to mother hen and it drives Virgil up the wall, because Patton’s being a good friend, Virgil Knows This and Appreciates Him, but also “If You Offer To Fluff My Pillows One More Time, I’m Going to Fucking Scream”

living with Logan is GREAT, because Logan’s good at casually checking in and offering Virgil what he needs without being overbearing about it. and the bonus is that Logan can gently ward off other team members so that Virgil can relax and get some rest

just give him some water, juice, and NyQuil and it will all work itself out

(Note: this is after he’s confirmed that what he has isn’t life-threatening. when he’s really feeling sick, there’s always a brief moment where he worries that it might be something serious and needs to be talked down, i.e. “Is this Ebola? Oh my God, Logan, can you get Ebola in Florida?”)

Roman

you would assume that, with Roman’s parents being the way that they were, he would do as Patton does and attempt to play it off as nothing

HOWEVER. surprisingly, his parents were kind of… nice? when he got sick??

okay, no, nice is definitely not the right word, but they at least made sure got the care that he needed.

it wasn’t that they actually cared about him, but they wanted him to get healthy as soon as possible so that he could go back to representing the Prince family as they are meant to be represented: poised and polished and perfect. not… gross and sweaty and sick. that said, he was placed under quarantine.

they had nannies to take care of Roman, and Roman got along well with all of them, so yeah. he was usually a whiny baby about it because it was the only time he was allowed to be a whiny baby about anything

now that he’s older, the way he handles sickness varies. he finds it hard to ask for help because his parents made it hard. but if help is offered, he’ll eat it up. moreover, he tends to behave in one of two ways:

if it isn’t anything serious (say, a common cold), he acts like you predicted. it’s the end of the world, and he’s dying. D, please pick some orange juice up on your way home.

if it’s more serious, he’ll protest loudly about visitors because nobody is supposed to see him look this gross. (nobody). his teammates are allowed to check in to make sure he hasn’t died, but they have to knock before they enter so that Roman can bury himself under the covers first.

Emile

Emile hates getting sick because it interferes with his packed schedule, yet he’s still one of the best people on the team at managing it

he takes a lot of precautions to avoid getting sick in the first place – maintaining hygiene, taking Vitamin C during the cold season, getting his flu shot – but he still gets sick on occasion

when he gets sick, he will force himself to slow down because he’s learned through trial and error that he will gain nothing from going to class while he’s running a fever. (besides, Logan always offers his notes, and Logan’s notes are impeccable, even if Emile admittedly needs some help reading them given Logan’s handwriting)

fluids, check. rest, check. netflix binge while he recovers, check. granted, a lot of this is because Remy takes good care of him

(people don’t give Remy enough credit, honestly. he may be a dramatic bitch, but he really knows how to step it up when someone he cares about needs help)

Emile simultaneously Craves Cuddles but also wants you to Get Away From Me, You’ll Get Infected

Remy’s got a mad strong immune system, so he’ll usually risk it to curl up with his bae. NO KISSING though – Emile’s rule

D is a mature adult who knows how to accept help from others when he’s feeling under the weather

…said No One Ever

TO BE FAIR: D has a strong sense of self-preservation AND a host of trust issues, both of which can be attributed to his experiences in the foster system

that said, he’s gotten pretty decent at taking care of himself whenever he gets sick; although, from an outside perspective, his methods are… Not the Best

he’s inclined to just curl up and sleep. no food. water only when he’s desperate enough to force himself to his feet. it’s not the most conventional method, but it’s worked for him in the past, SO.

also, yeah, he’s a complete asshole to anyone who tries to help. he’ll snap and snarl. he’ll threaten to bite. he actually WILL bite, if you get too close. (don’t test him).

like Virgil, he despises any efforts to mother hen. (Patton, Do Not Interact)

it usually takes the combined efforts of Logan and Virgil to force him to listen to any sort of reason, at which point he will reluctantly (and angrily) accept the Minimal Amount of Aid (which includes bringing him light meals, more fluids, etc)

Remy

Remy is an absolute demon to interact with while he’s sick

he doesn’t get sick often, which is fortunate. however, that means that he doesn’t really know what to behave when an illness inevitably hits.

he whines. he whines so, so much. (Drama bumped up 500%). and he’s all over the place, too.

he rejects someone’s initial offer to help because go away, i look and feel fucking disgusting, but then he calls them back a few minutes later because i’m sorry, i didn’t mean that i don’t feel well, please don’t go

he’s never too terribly mean, but he oscillates between craving constant attention and desiring for nothing more than to be left the hell alone, and there is little warning before he switches from one extreme to the next

luckily, Emile (and Logan, during the summer) are incredibly patient and willing to accommodate his moods, and the apartment is always stocked with anything that either Emile or Remy could need while they’re sick

double luckily, Remy calms down after the worst of it has passed, at which point he turns into a Cuddle Monster, 100%. lie down and take a nap with him, and he’s set – but only if you want

Remus

Remus’s parents never actively asked the nannies to help him when he was sick, but they did anyway because they were not horrific monsters who were hell-bent on ruining his life

he didn’t – and doesn’t – get sick that often, which is wild considering how much literal garbage he touches and eats on a daily basis

also, when he IS sick, it usually takes him a while to even realize it; feeling unwell is a common side effect of eating mystery foods, and that doesn’t stop him from Wreaking Havoc

he constantly wants to get up and go, even (and perhaps ESPECIALLY) while sick. he hates lying in bed, and will let his teammates know that As Often As He Can

the nannies genuinely had to keep constant guard to make sure that he wouldn’t slip out and go gallivanting around with a 102 fever, and now Logan, D, and Roman get to do it instead

this was suggested in the group chat, but Remus 100% makes little sculptures out of his used tissues because “snot is a fantastic binding agent”

he’ll drink water, but only if you put mustard in it first. luckily, he loves the taste of cough syrup, so it isn’t too hard to get him to take that at the very least.

Logan

Logan used to get sick a lot as a kid, but now that he’s grown up, he has one of the best immune systems on the team

that said, when he gets sick, he gets sick – and he does everything in his power to ignore it

when he got sick as a child, his father forbid his mother from helping out of fear of her own health, so Logan was typically locked up in his room and left to his own devices

also, it was a weird, because if he wasn’t actively dying and he complained, then his dad would be angry at him for over-reacting. however, if Logan got to the point where he was Visibly and Obviously Sick, his dad would also… get angry at him. only, this time, it was for “letting it get this bad"

that said, Logan got good at powering through and pretending to be fine because to not be fine meant to be making a mistake of some sort

now that he’s an adult, he does the same thing for the most part. he drags himself to class, tries to act like he’s fine. he tries to work in quick naps around the apartment when he knows that Virgil has class so that he can avoid alarming his roommate. it’s a terribly inconvenient system, but it works

games and practices are another deal, because he can’t let anyone know he’s unwell, but he doesn’t want to get any of them sick either. joan is the ONLY person that logan has ever explicitly let know when he was Not Doing Well, and that’s because he needed joan to convince thomas to put remy in net without alerting anyone on the team as to Why. even then, Logan downplayed it as much as possible

#hockey au #hockey hcs #full cast #cursing #neglect tw #abuse tw #death mention #medication mention

253 notes · View notes