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koushuwu · 1 year

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» it’s you, and it’s him — kuramochi youichi x reader *:･ﾟ✧

18+ content | 6,1k words | your best friend will do just about anything to help you, when katsuyuki breaks your hearts. even if it hurts to please you, when he knows you’ll never reciprocate his feelings. or will you?

tags: afab!reader, pet names (specifically; bug.), emotional porn, implied friends to lovers, seemingly unrequited love, childhood friends, light angst, hurt/comfort, vanilla sex, praise, virginity loss, fingering, masturbation mention, unprotected sex.

the first thing youichi heard when he picked up the phone was a poorly concealed sniffle followed by a shaky breath. “bug? what’s wrong?” it’s late. he’d been laying around on his bed and throwing ball with himself for a while, not really ready to hit the racks just yet when his phone buzzed beside him. the familiar pet name he liked to use for you, lighting up the screen with a little bug-emoji next to it. you’d asked him to remove it more than once, and every time he’d laughed it off. the moment he heard, he sat up on the edge of his bed, ball dropping to the floor and rolling underneath the bed. not that he noticed though, when another hiccup carried through the speaker, before you could hide it.

“it’s nothing,” you lied. you blatantly lied and youichi knew. of course he did. because it was you, and it was him. how could he not know? that, and the fact that you were a horrible liar to begin with. but right now you did, and if the alarm bells weren’t already ringing in youichi’s ears, they were now, flashing red lights and all.

“liar.” he called you out. of course he did. because it was you, and it was him. you didn’t lie to each other. not anymore. hadn’t done since you were kids. “what happened?” he pressed.

“it’s over.” your words were thick and youichi couldn’t help but noticed the way it sounded like the words were choking you on the way out. you were crying, and his heart shriveled at the thought. you were crying. he didn’t say anything just yet, waiting for you to continue, which you did, after swallowing audibly on the other end of the line. “katsu. it’s over.”

katsuyuki. of course. youichi never liked katsuyuki. of course he didn’t, because when the two met for the first time, their teams were rivals, and katsuyuki was such a pain in the ass to play against. he never liked katsuyuki. but it only got worse when the two of you started dating. and now. well hate is a strong word, but youichi might very well be inclined to use that specific word for what he was feeling towards katsuyuki in that moment.

“what?” youichi’s voice was so thin when he spoke, he hardly recognized it himself. “i thought you liked him?”

“i do. i did. i think,” there it was, the little quiver in your voice that he hadn’t heard since the two of you were much younger. that little quiver that threatened to shatter his heart entirely.

“where are you?” youichi asked, voice shaking a little, even as he tried to hide it.

“home.”

“i’m coming over.” he’d already gotten up, rummaging around and pulling out on the first pair of sweats he came across. he heard another sniffle on your end. thick and heavy, the exact picture of the feeling weighing down at the pit of youichi’s stomach.

“no,” you objected, but there was no real fire behind it. “mochi, it’s late.” youichi’s heart felt like it might burst from the sound of your nickname for him, choking with tears. he never wanted to hear you say his name like that, ever again. even if he wasn’t the source for your crying. never again, he promised himself with his hand on the door handle.

“i’m coming over,” he repeated the words, firmer this time. “i’m already out the door. wait for me.”

the moment the two of you hung up, he set off into a sprint. he was fast and he knew it. it was one of few things he could really be proud of as a baseball player. his speed and his stamina. he could run, and he could keep running. not that he would need the stamina much right now, since thankfully you didn’t live that far away. but he ran. he ran as if it was the final play that would ensure a win in a baseball game. no. actually, he ran as though the most important thing in the world, depended on him running. which, in some sense, was true. because it was you, and it was him. so he ran. he ran until he reached the end of your street, and he kept running, until he reached your doorstep. and he sprinted, two steps at a time, up the stairs, until he abruptly stopped in front of your door and rapped his knuckles against the wood before even catching his breath. something that you didn’t give him the chance to do either, before the door creaked open, revealing your tearstained face.

“mochi.” and there it was. he’d promised himself that you would never utter his name again, like that, but– “you’re here.” the door slammed behind him, when he rushed into your apartment, pulling you into him, arms around your middle. you responded to him just as quickly, arms wrapping around his neck and your face burying in the crook of it.

“shh, it’s okay. it’s okay, i’m here.” youichi murmured the words against your hair, entirely enveloped in your scent, and you hiccup against him, shoulders shaking when a new wave of tears washed over you. “please, don’t cry. bug, you know i can’t stand it when you cry.”

of course you didn’t stop crying, just because he asked you not to. he knew you wouldn’t, because that’s not how these things works, but oh did he wish it was. for a while the two of you just stood there. youichi holding you close, firmly pressed against his chest. you, sobbing against him, burying your face deeper into his chest. he didn’t know when he did it, or why, but he realized how his hold on you had grown even tighter as he hummed against your hair, repeating again and again, that he’s there. that he’s got you. shushing you gently, and letting his fingers lightly dance over the fabric of your shirt where he held you. it wasn’t the first time youichi hugged you. far from it. you had been in his arms more times than he could count. you were best friends after all. he’d soothed your crying before, and each time it pained him just the same. he’d hugged you countless times. in greeting, in joy when his team won a match or you passed that exam you were sure you’d fail, and sometimes just because. he’d hugged you so many times, your frame felt so familiar in his arms. fit perfectly, as if you were actually made for him to hold. but you weren’t. you were so perfect, but not for him, so he squashed the thoughts firmly. you needed your best friend, and he was going to give you what you needed. whatever you needed. but even so, your scent engulfed him so wholly. your frame pressed to his. no matter how much he tried, it was impossible to completely shot down the reaction his body had to yours. but he tried. he really tried to force it down, but even then, it wasn’t enough. because it was you, and it was him.

youichi held you, until the initial surge of tears stilled. your sobbing quieted and your shaking frame grew still against him. and then he held you just a moment longer, and willing his body to relax. for the blood rushing south to seize its charge, and for the tingling under his skin to yield.

“come on,” youichi finally spoke up, starting to pull away and lead you further into the apartment. but he didn’t make it far before you placed a hand against his chest, hand curling into the fabric of his hoodie and held him back. youichi had to fight the initial jolt of electricity from your touch. then he looked at you, eyes locking on your red rimmed ones. “am i–” you started, and youichi waited. he waited because he knew that you would read his silence. the words of encouragement that he didn’t speak. youichi was known to be quite the loud-ass, and he was. he really was. but with you, things were different. with you, he didn’t always have to say the words he wanted to convey, because you would understand. just as you accepted his flaws, he would show you sides of him, that no one else saw. sides that no one else could see, because they belonged solely to you, and you alone. because even if he tried, those sides of him refused to show themselves to others. so he waited. and you took a breath. and then one more. “am i boring?”

“what?” it took him a second to really understand what you were asking and why. but then he did, and something started bubbling under his skin, something different entirely, than the excited tingling from just moments before. “did he tell you that?”

he saw the way you curled in on yourself at his words. in shame, maybe? you didn’t answer. at least not verbally. but he saw. he saw the little movement of your head. a nod. barely there, but a nod nonetheless, and youichi never hated katsuyuki more. there. he said it. or thought it, really. he hated shirakawa katsuyuki.

“bug–” never once did he think he ever spoke so softly. but you just looked so small right then, and it was ripping at his heart looking at you like this. “no. you’re not boring. of course not. now come, and tell me what happened.” this time, when he started towards the living room, you followed along. when he plopped down on the couch and pulled you down with him, catching you slightly off guard, and you landed next to him. close. oh so close, that you had almost landed on him. he hadn’t intended for that to happen, but he firmly ignored the way your touch against him, set his skin ablaze just like it always did. instead he pulled you into him, folding himself around you once more, and urged you to tell him everything.

and you did. you told him everything, and you spared not a single detail. occasionally swallowing thickly and sniffling when the fresh wounds ripped open, you told him about how katsuyuki had been neglecting you for a while. how he was never there. how he didn’t reply to your texts. how he’d stopped wanting to be intimate when he actually was with you. how it left you feeling increasingly more and more insecure about yourself and your appearance. you told him about how katsuyuki had called that same night and ended things, and you didn’t spare the details about how that went down. and youichi listened. he listened as all the words came tumbling out, trying his hardest not to notice how you slumped against him. how your hand rested against his thigh only just shy of his crotch and he hoped to everything that was good, that you wouldn’t move, because if you did, he was gonna have a problem explaining himself. instead, he forced himself to focus solely on your words, and for the most part he succeeded. and then, when you’d poured yourself on him, you placed your hand against his chest and looked up at him. and he down at you. the redness of your eyes, and tremor of your lower lip made his heart beat louder against his chest. even like this, you were still the most beautiful thing he ever saw. and he wanted nothing more than to dip his head down and kiss the trembling from your lips. but he didn’t. of course he didn’t. not that he would’ve had the chance before you spoke, doe eyed and vulnerable.

“am i unattractive?” you asked him, and youichi nearly choked on his own spit. unattractive? you? “am i that undesirable?” you pressed, pulling the rug from underneath his feet. your brows drew together and youichi cupped your face in both his hands, carefully cradling the entire world between his palms.

“no,” he started, breathless but more desperate than ever to speak his mind. yet, he know he needs to tread carefully. you don’t need him accidentally revealing his feelings for you, or what you’re doing to him. but he does need you to know that your ex was a fool. “no, you’re not unattractive. you’re not undesirable. bug, you are beautiful, you’re breathtaking. anyone who doesn’t desire you has got to be blind,” and that’s when he should have known he messed up. that’s when he should have known that he’d said too much. but realization only happened a moment later.

“do you?” and that was when he knew he’d said too much. and you were looking at him with those big eyes, and he just… he couldn’t lie to you. one thing was to dance around the subject of his feelings, but he couldn’t lie to you. he was quiet for a moment. hesitant. unsure.

“yeah,” he said, voice uncharacteristically low and unsteady despite his attempts to remain calm. “yeah, of course.” it doesn’t mean anything, he knows that. you’re sad and you’re in need of validation. he’s offering you just that. validation. it doesn’t mean anything to you, and he knows. but he’s looking into those eyes of yours and it may not mean anything to you, but it means everything to him. everything. everything. and he wants to kiss you so bad. but he doesn’t. youichi gives you what you need, even if it hurts him to know, that it means so much to him, and yet so little to you. he gives and he doesn’t even care about the hurt he feels. because it’s you, and it’s him.

those thoughts run through his head when you press closer. youichi feels his eyes widen, the way your hand on his thigh moves like he feared, inching closer along with the rest of you. he watches your approach in disbelief, like it was some kind of cliché slow motion romance movie, and yet he doesn’t stop you. this wasn’t a romance movie. you couldn’t actually be moving in to– your lips tasted salty from your tears when you press them to his. he inhaled sharply, hands almost falling from your cheeks the he still held gingerly. lips firm and soft, and if that hand of yours moved any further, youichi was definitely going to have a much bigger problem than he already did. a much bigger problem than having to push you away right now. but he had to.

“wait, wait.” you pout at him and he’s not even sure you realize how entirely inthralled he was by you. how his lips tingled from just that one kiss. he sees the hurt flashing across your face. “you don’t really want to do this–”

“yes, i do.”

“you’re upset, i know. but i can’t let you do something you’ll regret tomorrow.” youichi tired to be firm, but with you looking at him like that. with the memory of your lips against his, he could only muster half-assed at best.

“i won’t. not if it’s you. please don’t reject me right now.” and that was it. he really wasn’t going to take advantage of you, but your voice was so thin and your eyes so big and watering with fresh tears and how was he supposed to say no to you? how was he ever supposed to not slip a hand into your hair and pull you back up to meet his lips once more. and how should he have known that it would cause your hand to slide up further? the breath caught in his throat when you brushed against the bulge in his sweats, that he’d been trying so hard to ignore, and why weren’t you removing your hand? why did– your lips moved against his and the entire world spun. that was the moment that he knew that he would do anything for you.

how and when the two of you made it to the bedroom, youichi genuinely had no idea. he remembered stumbling slightly as you dragged him with you. or maybe he guided you? he remembered your hands trembling against the collar of his hoodie. or maybe it was his own trembling he felt? he couldn’t tell for sure and honestly it didn’t really matter either. not when your lips was on his. not when everything he’d wanted for so long, was finally within his grasp. but it wasn’t really, was it? because this wasn’t ever going to lead anywhere, and he ought to remember that, lest he’d want any hope of saving his heart from shattering completely.

“are you sure about this?” it wasn’t that he was searching for an out when he asked. every part of him was yearning for you, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. nervous, because he didn’t want to take advantage of you. nervous, because this would be his very first time. and nervous, because he was finally going to have what he’d shamefully fantasized about on so many lonely nights with his hand fisted around his cock and your name like a prayer on his lips.

“i’m sure.” you nod at him from your spot on the edge of the bed. he saw the way your lower lip tucked between your teeth, and he wished that you’d stop doing that because it was definitely not making things easier on him. “i want you.” you tugged at his shirt when you said that, and youichi’s heart fluttered before he had time to stop the surge rippling through him. you didn’t mean it like that. of course you didn’t. but you wanted him right now, and that was enough for him. it had to be enough. and so, his knee dipped into the mattress and you scooted further up the bed. he followed, soon hovering over you with his eyes locked onto yours.

“i want you, too.” he hadn’t meant to say that, but never had he uttered truer words. the smile you sent him was so soft and maybe he would have had time to decipher that flash of emotions in your face, if you hadn’t pulled his face to yours and kissed him right then. kissing you didn’t feel like fireworks. he’d imagined it would, but it didn’t. no, it felt like a missing piece of him finally clicked into place, and he probably should have pushed that feeling aside as well. squashed it like a crispy leaf under his shoe on an autumn day. that way it would be less painful when he had to rip that piece out again come morning. but he didn’t. he welcomed the way you felt familiar, yet new and unexplored. he welcomed it, and he let it happen. in every movement as he picked off piece after piece of your clothing, he let the puzzle piece sink in further. in every piece of his own clothes discarded, he let it take root. let it manifest itself deeper in his being, and with every quivering touch of his fingertips on your skin.

trouble. youichi was in trouble, but right now he just couldn’t care less. with his lips trailing down your neck, youichi really was in big trouble. “you’re beautiful.” he murmured the words against your skin. “you’re so beautiful,” he repeated, fingertips trailing down your side. “the most beautiful in the world.” those same fingers ghosted over your hip bone, slowly crossing south. anticipation weighed heavy in the air, and the moment his fingers reached your core, his mouth went utterly dry. his mouth dropped open and he glanced down to where his touch lingered against you. then his eyes flitted back up to yours. you were smiling at him, something that made him ache even more than the feeling of your skin under his fingers could do. more than the wetness between your thighs could do. but your smile. it made his cock twitch and impatience gnaw away at his strength to take it slow. he was going to be patient. he was. he– a whimper sounded through the room when youichi pressed a finger inside. your face scrunched up, and for a moment he was scared that he’d hurt you when grabbed onto his arms. hard. but when he pulled back, your eyes opened wide and looked straight at him.

“no. don’t stop.” your fingers tightened on his arms and youichi felt the very air being pulled from his lungs. and you looked at him with those eyes, and with that little smile on your face, and how could he not oblige? how could he not feel his restraints slipping? so of course he gave you what you asked. because it was you, and it was him.

the thing with youichi was, that while he had obviously seen his fair share of porn. while he’d pushed himself to the edge with you on his mind, on numerous occasions. and while he’d had opportunities to be intimate with girls before, he’d never actually taken them. he knew the basics, and yeah he knew what he was supposed to do. he knew that if he curled his finger just right, he should hit something. he knew that stretching you properly was essential. both towards the end goal, but also to make you feel good and seen and relaxed. but what he lacked was the experience to tell how long he was supposed to keep going. how it would feel when you were ready. it didn’t matter much actually, at least not to him. because you were writhing underneath him and you were moaning. you were moaning, your nails were digging into his biceps, and he swore that he heard his name tumble over your lips once. his name. on your lips.

his name.

on your lips.

his name. breathless. needy. inviting.

“shit.” youichi’s teeth clenched hard. he really was going to be patient. he was. but you were moaning his name, and how did you expect him to hold back when it was you. he really tried. but–

“youich– please.”

“shit. shit, shit, shit!” his lips pressed hard against yours, fingers pulled from your core and he swallowed up your whine with a deeper moan of his own. he didn’t want to ever stop kissing you, but that last threat of his sanity bid him to pull back, even for just the shortest of moments. “please–” the words didn’t form properly as he spoke, but it didn’t matter, because you were already nodding and he was diving back in to once again capture your lips with his own. he desperately needed to be inside of you, and he needed it now; the thought completely overshadowing anything else. you. and when he settles between your thighs and you legs spread further for him, he was just about losing it. he almost lost it, and– a deep groan ripped from his throat when he felt your touch. a delicate, eager hand wrapping around the base of his cock, guiding him as you drew him nearer with legs wrapping around him. for the shortest of moments, youichi wondered if you knew this was his first time. but how could you? the two of you didn’t lie to each other, but the topic hadn’t actually ever come up. so he never told you. so why did you–

oh fuck. oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. youichi knew you were wet. he knew. yet it still took him by surprise when the tip of his cock caught against your wet pussy. you were so wet and you felt so good and he shuddered. oh fuck. you drew him even nearer and youichi was absolute positive that he was going to go utterly insane. the way you invited him in, hips raised in a wordless welcome home. the way your hands felt on his body, one slipping into his hair and the other clawing at his shoulder blade. the sounds you made when he finally pushed inside you for the first time. the first, and probably the last. the pang of hurt in his heart quickly subsided when you clenched around him, throwing your head back against the pillow and arched your back in the most deliciously alluring curve.

youichi wanted to savor the moment. he really did. but there was something so utterly desperate in the way you locked him in, thighs forcing him closer, and the way your nails scraped at his skin. like you were feeling good. he wanted to savor it, but how did anyone, least of all himself, expect him to manage that, especially when it was you. because that was the reason why, and he knew it. because it was you, and it was him.

there was something equally as desperate in the way youichi moved against you. trapping him against you, all he could really manage was rolling his hips, rutting into you, over, and over, and over, and over. and there was something equally as desperate in the way his forehead fell to your shoulder, eyes scrunched up and voice hoarse. you felt so good.

“even better than i imagined.” words spoken breathlessly against your skin. thoughts pulled from his lungs, muffled and broken in pleasure. your moans more beautiful than the song of a siren urging him to keep going, to what he readily obliged.

he gave and he gave and he gave, everything that you wanted, you could have it. and he took and he took and he took. anything you were willing to give, he took it all. maybe he should have felt ashamed to be so greedy in your time of need. but then you keened and your pussy pulsed around him, clenching, releasing, clenching, as if sucking him in deeper, and he was sure he’d never ever felt anything this good in his entire life.

“i love you.” that’s when he knew he fucked up. but he didn’t care. he locked his lips onto your to avoid any further confessions to escape him, and kept taking. he kept taking and giving and taking and giving until the familiar pleasure of his own high crashed over him, painted in new breathtaking colors he’d never expected to see. youichi ground into you. sloppy. messy. needy. greedy. even in the middle of his orgasm, he still wanted more of you. everything. he wanted every last drop of your pleasure and his. he wanted it and he was going to take it. he took. took. took. rutting through his high until there was nothing left for him to give. until he’d poured all of him into you and slowly came back down from his intoxicating high.

youichi didn’t know when he’d released your lips and placed his forehead against the warm skin of your decolletage. he didn’t even realize that he’d done it, before he felt your lips against his hair. he lifted his head with a groan and looked up at you. you were smiling at him, and he even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his own lips, still in a slight daze.

“hi.” his smile softened and he let his head fall back where it was, before mumbling a hi in return. for a second you allowed him to stay there, and he steadied his breathing. tried to banish his many contradictory feelings before they could manifest. urged time to stop. to slow down at the very least, so he could stay here. preferably forever. but at least for a little while longer.

“come on,” your voice was quiet but firm when you patted him on the arm, leaving him so heave a sigh. of course time wouldn’t stop for him. he should have known. “we gotta get cleaned up.” and he knew that you were right, and even if he never wanted to move and face reality ever again, he knew that you were right. he knew. he knew. so he obeyed. reluctantly at that, but he obeyed, and soon enough as you did, the feeling had crept back in, settled and taken a firm hold around his heart. and soon enough, he found himself perched at the edge of your bed, while you sat, cross legged, and watched him. he was watching you too, one leg bent up on the bed as he faced you.

“are you–” youichi started to speak but his voice broke. hoarse. it was so hoarse. he desperately tired to look everywhere but at you. eyes skitting around the room. but as cliche as it sounds, he felt his gaze drawn to you like a moth to a flame. he couldn’t help it, so his eyes landed on you once more as he cleared his throat. “are you okay?” the words falling from his lips left him feeling very silly. that was a dumb question, he knew. he knew, so he opened his mouth to say something else. anything that sounded less dumb. something. anything.

“i–” you looked into his eyes, and youichi was stunned by the shine in them. mouth hanging open for a moment, before he realized and closed it, scratching his neck and looking away. “i think i will be.” ah. youichi was happy. of course he was. but the fact of the matter was, that that meant he’d done what he came here to do. he’d been there for you. he’d been your friend through your tear and he’d supported you until you could say that you were okay. which meant– youichi twisted in his seat, leg sliding off of the bed.

“then maybe–”

“stay.” he looked down when he felt your hand closing around his wrist. for a moment he started at your hand on his skin. it was burning and it was home. it was you, and it was him.

“what?” his eyes flicked back up to yours

“don’t leave.”

“okay. okay, i won’t.” youichi settled, but your hand didn’t move. it stayed locked around his wrist for a while longer. he wondered why, but chalked it up to you simply forgetting you were holding onto him. yeah. yeah that was definitely it.

“wanna sleep with me?” your suggestion caught him by such surprise that for a moment he just looked at you. dumbfounded. then he laughed. he couldn’t help it. with what you two just did, it was almost too easy to to catch the innuendo you definitely hadn’t intended to make. “not like that, you buffoon.” you swatted his arm and he couldn’t help but laugh harder, the sound coming from deep within.

“no? like what then?”

“like– hey!” his favorite thing in the entire universe was your laugh. even now, after having heard what you sound like in bed, your laughter was still his favorite. the most stunning sound in the entire world. and you laughed. you laughed at him and you laughed with him, and it was perfect. “like sleeping!” you said with laughter still evident in your voice as you’d calmed from the initial fit of giggles.

“ha! yeah, i would’ve said that too.” you swatted his arm again, and youichi knew in that moment, that despite his pain, everything was going to be okay between you, with your feigned –, and his jokes and your shared laughter. “let’s sleep, bug. it’s late.” he agreed, once the laughter died down again.

soon enough, the two of you found yourselves under the covers of your bed, laying on each your sides, facing each other. his arms were around your waist and even after tonight, it didn’t feel any different than it used to. you’d slept like this on more than just a few nights. it was nice and you liked cuddling, you used to say when the two of you were younger. he liked it too, but only when it was you. the cuddling had subsided when you and katsuyuki started dating, but even if it’d been a while, youichi had never forgotten what you felt like in his embrace. there was quiet for a moment after you’d seemingly settled into the most comfortable position, but then you stirred and looked up at him in the darkened room.

“this was your first time, wasn’t it?” it wasn’t so much of a question as it was a statement, and while it did come out of the blue, it made sense that you would know. youichi started back at you, swallowing all surprise before it surfaced, opting instead for the lighter tone you’d regained only minutes prior.

“was i that bad?” he jokes with a low laugh. you know how they say that there’s a grain of truth in every joke? well in this case, it may be a bit more than just a grain of truth. while youichi wasn’t exactly shy, he did want to do good for you, and while he did feel entirely comfortable around you, how could he not, at the very least, wonder. but when you laughed back at him softly, any trace of worry shriveled away.

“no you weren’t,” you said when the laughter subsided. “but i feel like you would have told me about it. having sex, i mean.”

“hey! i’m offended,” he said, mockingly feigning upset.

“i’m not sorry, you know.” once you uttered the words, youichi was about ready to fire back, but the slight seriousness edge to your words stopped him from doing so. instead he listened carefully. waited. heart beating hard against his chest, almost skipping a beat when you continued. “about taking your virginity.” mouth opening, then closing again, he watched you, gaze darting across your face, dipping to your lips and back up. all for a mere split second in time.

“i’m not sorry either.” youichi spoke the words lightly, almost cheerfully, scarcely covering for the truth he didn’t dare speak. didn’t want you to hear on his lips. the truth he feared he’d already exposed. the truth that left him vulnerable and waiting for the rejection that had yet to come. unless his prayers were answered, and you really didn’t hear or catch the confession of his earlier words.

there’s a silence in the room, stretching, looming and all consuming. feeling like a predator lurking silently in the tall grass, watching it’s prey and ready to pounce. but it kept stretching further, lulling youichi into a sense of security that felt even more threatening, as if any minute it could be ripped from under his feet. but it kept stretching for so long that he almost thought you’d fallen asleep.

“you know, when katsu ended things with me, it really did hurt,” you spoke so softly that if it hadn’t been utterly quiet in the room, youichi might have missed it. but he heard, and he waited. wondered where you were headed. why you were telling him this, but of course, it was a fresh wound, you’d obviously need to talk about it. and youichi was okay with this. of course he was. and he would listen every single time. “but– the thing that hurt the most, wasn’t the thought of losing him.”

“with the things that he said–”

“it wasn’t just that,” you pressed on, effectively cutting him off. words now stumbling out fast, as if you were trying to get them out as fast as possible. “yeah, he said some shitty things, but that wasn’t the worst thing. the worst thing was the shame that i wasn’t as upset as i probably should’ve been.”

“what do you mean?”

“i was hurt, i really was!” you looked up at him and met his gaze head on. there was something fierce behind your eyes. something youichi had seen many times before, and he adored it every single time. “but i was more concerned with was he said. i was worried, because i couldn’t stop thinking about– what if others thought the same thing too? what if you thought that too? i couldn’t shake that thought and while he did hurt me, that thought hurt me even worse and–”

“whoa whoa, hold up, rewind,” youichi clasped a hand over your mouth forcing the words to stop their rapid escape from your lips. your mouth, your lungs, your heart. “me? why would you worry about me thinking that?” he probably should have realized by then, what you were trying to say. instead, he thought he might’ve somehow given off the impression, as he’d tried to avoid revealing his feelings for you in the past. he didn’t think he had, but honestly who was he to say? you took a breath and placed a hand flat against his chest, right above his hammering heart.

“because it’s you.” your voice was so small as the words shook past your lips. “it’s always been you.”

it’s him. it’s always been him

*:･ﾟ✧ all interactions are greatly appreciated. thank you for reading ♡

#kuramochi youichi #kuramochi youichi x reader #kuramochi x reader #kuramochi #daiya no ace #diamond no ace #fanfic #daiya no ace fanfic #kuramochi youichi x reader smut #kuramochi youichi x reader fluff #kuramochi youichi x reader hurt/comfort #idk how to tag things that aren't smut omfg #anyway i feel like some of this may very well be the best shit i've ever written so that's pretty cool #useradrienne #prettyiwa

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