#im good now though!! nothing serious happened besides me getting scared to death and going “oh i need something diagnosed”

[krenia]

Paying my brains pretty girl tax once more with more Marie art

She's my comfort oc at this point huh,,

#oc art #illustration #art #i meant to draw sludge life fanart but #my brain instead went “hey yknow what would be funny” *the most intense anxiety attack in my life* #im good now though!! nothing serious happened besides me getting scared to death and going “oh i need something diagnosed” #then ignoring the thought completly #most of my lifes problems would be solved if i had like #ten times less thoughts in my head #but thats not happening so ill go back to grinding cookie clicker which is a normal thing to do at 2am #my art #marie-oc

[riofann]

Rio Random 3

TW: Alcoholism

Part 1    Part 2 

You don’t hear from him for the next month or so. He doesn’t pay you any visits, no calls or texts. Nothing radio silence on his end. You contemplated calling him but what would that do? Nothing! Nothing he could say or do would make you feel any better at the moment. Plus you couldn’t just go back to him with open arms even though you wanted to. There were many levels of betrayal here and a simple I’m sorry wouldn't fix things, it couldn’t.

You were woken up from your sleep on the couch, typical for you these days. You were too afraid to sleep in your bedroom afraid that anything could happen and you being in the back of the house away from the door and windows didn’t make you feel safe. You hear the knock again before sitting up. Slowly you walk down the steps, when you look through the peephole you see Mick getting ready to break in before you open the door. 

"Hey" you say using the door for support

Rio steps into your house before speaking, irritation laced in his tone “What were you doing we were knocking for a long time"

“I was asleep, you could just break in like normal.” Mick steps in after Rio “Hi Mick” 

With a head nod Mick says “Sup”

You close the door and lean your head on it. You were still sozzled. Another thing you picked up after the great revelation. You would drink yourself to sleep every night. 

“You aiight?” Rio asks leaning to the side to look at you “Hmm!” You perk up. For a second you had forgotten he was there, you walk past him, Coconut your dog runs over to Mick who in turn gives her all the pets she wants as they retreat down to the bottom half of your home. You quickly rush over to where you were sleeping and grab the tumbler and drink the remaining liquor before rushing to wash it. Rio doesn't say anything but watches you. 

“Want something to drink?”  You turn to face him, doing your best to not look as drunk as you felt before he can answer you, grab a glass and make the infamous Bourbon on the rocks. “HEY MICK!” “YO!”  you hear him rush up the steps

“If you want food or drinks help yourself,” 

“Cool cool” he retreats back downstairs to watch the game. “Come on Coconut!” You smile

It was cute seeing him with Coconut, a Samoyed, who looked like a teddy bear had come to life with Mick of all people. 

“I was gonna say tequila”

Tequila is your favorite liquor 

You roll your eyes “Please you know you love bourbon it's your girlfriend's favorite drink”

Without speaking he stares at you making you nervous, thinking that he knew you were drunk. You quickly make conversation "to what do i owe this visit?”

“Came to check on you see how you doing, you haven't texted or called”

“You haven't done the same either” you counter

“I am a busy man”

“I have a target on my back”

He looks at you before speaking “We both do”

“Fair enough, we can both do better let's just leave it at that”

He nods in agreement “Just came to check on you”

You look at the clock on the oven “At 1:00AM”

“No better time than the present” he says flashing his infamous smile 

You nod, “I guess” your anxiety was starting to get the best of you again. You were able to pretend so long as he wasn’t around but now it was becoming more difficult by the second. 

“You aiight?” he says as he notices you taking lots of deep breaths “Yea i just need to lay down”

You walk towards the bedroom without even looking back at him, you assume that he planned to spend the night. You hear him walking behind you and you become more panicked. You rush into the bathroom before he reaches the bedroom. 

“Thought you said you were sleeping” he comments noticing your bed was made up 

“Yea on the couch!” you answer from the bathroom

He takes a seat on his side and starts to undress himself getting comfortable in nothing but boxer briefs

You sit on the toilet and do your best to calm down. You reach for the flask in the vanity drawer and  take a few gulps before you put it back in its hiding spot, a few more breathing techniques and you feel calm enough to walk out. He watches you as you walkover to your side of the king sized bed. He always hated it. It was entirely too big for two people let alone one person. 

You avoid all eye contact. If you thought you looked drunk he would definitely pick up on that. 

When you lay your head on the pillow the room feels like it's spinning before the feeling slowly subsides and you feel yourself falling asleep.

“Y/N”

“Hmm?” you hum

“I came to talk to you” normally you would be alert and waiting for him to talk but this time you’re avoiding any type of conversation 

You sigh “Your timing is impeccable!” 

He chuckles he missed you. He missed having to deal with a grumpy you, who didn’t get enough sleep, missed how you were so picky over ice cream, missed how you smelled, how your skin felt under his finger tips, missed your sarcastic mouth that always irritated him

You sit up and move closer to him grabbing a pillow to put on your knees so you could lay your head on it. “Okay i'm listening”

He says nothing but looks at you, 

“My name is Christopher”

For a second you want to thwack him with the pillow. Is this why he came over to tell you his name?! 

When you look up at him there’s a look of vulnerability behind his eyes. You get the sense that he was being truthful

“Okay what do you want me to call you then? Christopher or Rio?” He smiles lazily, he was expecting you to roll your eyes and fuss at him “whatever you want mama” he reaches over and rubs your leg

“I like Rio, maybe i’ll call you Christopher when i'm mad at you”

He chuckles “fair enough,” he clears his throat. “My name is Christopher, people know me as Rio. I am a divorcee to a lady named Rhea and we have a son together named Marcus.” 

You smile at him “nice to meet you Christopher”

“I’m single by the way so you know”

“Why are you doing all of this?”

“I don’t know how things like this go, I’ve never “dated” girls it was always we vibe together cool we together. I’m trying something different, you don't like it?”  You shrug “No its just odd......”

“I meant it when i said i cared about you, Beth and I are a thing of the past only business”

“What did you do break up with her yesterday?”

“More like a month ago” 

“How did she take it?”

“How most women do? Cry got mad at me typical shit”

You nodded “okayyy”

“Im serious Y/N I want to be with you,” 

You didn’t respond but laid down next to him, when you woke up in the morning he was gone. You sigh in relief. You didn’t want to discuss him wanting to be with you in greater detail. As far as you were concerned words meant nothing when it came to him. He always spoke with his actions. Nothing changed besides him revealing his name to you. He was back to being the mysterious person in your life. I guess since he told you the truth there was no need to pretend anymore. No late night calls asking how you were no more frequent pop ups. 

The next time he does show up, he’s nothing but irritated. Standing outside your door for almost 10 minutes knocking, just to break in. When he finally locates you on the couch there's a bottle of tequila beside you, cap half screwed on even Coconut’s excited yipping doesn’t wake you up. 

“Do me a favor find every liquor bottle you can in here and get rid of it” 

Mick nods in agreement before he returns to petting Coconut

You wake up the next morning in bed wondering how you got there the last thing you remember watching was Scandal before blacking out. You hear commotion near your kitchen area, you get scared but hear Rio’s deep voice and relax a bit. You get up and ready to go to work before walking out of the room. 

Without thinking about him you look in the cabinet that housed all the liquor

“It’s not there”

He scared you, you had forgotten he was there, you take a few deep breaths before turning around to face him 

“Where is it?”

“Don’t worry about it”

“Rio” 

“Why you drinkin’?” 

“Why not? As far as we are concerned there’s still drugs in my house right?”

He ran his hand down his chin “I told you I’m taking care of it”

“What does that even mean? You don’t text or call nothing just show up out of nowhere whenever you feel like it. What is the definition of taking care of it, if drugs are still being funneled into my house. You don’t  want me drink? When I can smell her perfume around the house after I come home from work? You don’t want me to drink? When I can see a trail of dirt going down or up the steps? At any given moment I could be ambushed by the feds or your enemies.... But you’re taking care of it?! Right? You tell me if you were me and someone kept telling you I’m taking care of it would you believe them?” He remained silent for what felt like an eternity “It's complicated”

“Then uncomplicate it!”

“So what you gon drink yourself to death?”

“YES!.....I mean NO!..... But you can’t possibly think that i am going to deal with all of this by myself without you there and a sober mind”

“Need to grow tough skin, if you wanna stick around” 

“I didn’t ask for this! All I wanted was a boyfriend not someone who is supposedly plotting my demise and telling me don’t worry about it” 

Offended he speaks before he can stop himself “And I ain’t ask to be with no drunk either”

You paused for a while and walked away. Rushing into your bathroom your hands shaking from being extremely pissed and needing that drink in the morning to take the edge off. You quickly locate the flasks in your room thankful he had yet to find those.Once the liquid poison settled in your stomach. You quickly gather the remaining flasks and stuff them in your purse before rushing out the door. You could feel his eyes on you as you left the house. 

When you return home your heart sinks to see his G Wagon sitting in the driveway. Carefully you put the flasks in your purse. You were hoping he didn't make someone follow you because your flasks were now full to the brim with alcohol. 

You open the door and Coconut runs towards you barking and hopping on you. “Hi girl, how are you? Were you good today?” You bend down and pet her, tears coming to your eyes as you realize just how much you had been neglecting her lately, “I promise i’ll make it up to you” you whisper as you continue to pet her. When you stand up you see Rio standing in your line of vision. You walk up the steps to see Mick sitting on the couch watching sports. You wave at him and take the corner towards your room. You had a short window to hide the flasks before Rio would come in. 

When you step into the kitchen you don’t see Mick on the couch instead its Rio sitting by the kitchen counter. You move slowly as you feel the alcohol racing through your veins. You pour water in your tumbler and pull out the bowl of fruit salad that you had made early in the week. 

“Not gon eat?”

It hadn’t even occurred to you that Rio actually cooked until you set eyes on the stove which had multiple pots with simmering food

“Not hungry”

“Late today” he comments 

“Yea” 

“Where were you?”  

You look at him wondering if he was just baiting you or he actually had no idea where you were

“Hello” he brings your attention back to him “Where did you go after work?” “I thought you knew” hinting to him possibly trailing you 

“What you talking bout?”

You knew this question was coming so you pulled out the pamphlet of AA which ironically was signed by the organizer. You place it in front of him. “We can’t have your reputation destroyed can we?” you spew out venom, almost like you were looking for another argument. Which you weren’t you just wanted him to hurt as much as you were. 

He  ran a hand down his face and looked up at you, however you weren't standing in the same spot you were walking back to the room. He wanted to apologize. He didn't mean what he said, well he did but he didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did. 

The next day was Saturday and he knew your routine to go to brunch with either your Aunt Brenda  and/or your best friend Mia. He was going to propose taking you out maybe to lighten the mood, get you out of the house so you don’t obsess over things that he was actively trying to fix. Soon after he sits down to drink his water he hears you up and an hour later the clicking of your heels on the wooden floor. 

“Going to brunch” is all you say before you begin to walk down the steps

“Think you can cancel?”

You stop and turn and look at him “Why?”

He shrugs “I wanted to take you out for brunch”

“Okay you can just join us” you offer

“Nah i just wanted it to be me and you” he is now standing in front of you and moves the hair out of your face

You nod in agreement and look down to begin texting.Aunt Brenda and  Mia could keep themselves busy anyway

“Ready?” He asked with a smile on his face  

“Yea!” you answer you walk past him and down the steps

The car ride is silent until you arrive downtown and park a street over. You let him lead the way which brings you to one of your favorite brunch spots a chic french restaurant. He remembered you talking about it and how much you wanted to come back but you and the girls were busy exploring other places. 

When you arrive you get seated, you look down at the menu before looking up at him. You kinda knew what you wanted, you had made your mind up the last time you were there what you would get next. When the waiter arrives he greets in french and you respond

“Bonjour comment-allez vous? (good morning, how are you?)” “Qu’est-ce que vous voulez boire? (what would you like to drink?)”

“De l'eau s'il vous plait (water please)” you turn to Rio. “Rio what would you like to drink?” He smirks before answering “Water”

The waiter then proceeds to tell you about the house specials for today before leaving to get your drinks

“I didn't know you spoke french”

“Yea, Krystal knew that, I guess your girlfriend forgot to mention that”

He had to admit he was lazy in his research about you, trusting Beth would tell him all about you. 

The waiter quickly returned with the water. You two were not ready so you ask for more time. 

He sighed before taking a sip of his water, You had reverted your attention back to the menu. He was really trying hard at this boyfriend thing. Majority of his ex girls were attached in some form or another to his business so it was easier to sit and talk about plans and things that needed to be fixed, than actually have a conversation. However Beth ‘Krystal’ was the last one, he was faced with the realization that someway or another that being part of the business never really made the relationship stronger in fact it made the bulk of it which he realized was not good for anyone involved.

“What are you gonna get?” he asked breaking the silence, he also hated how you could just be silent, he would rather you make small talk like Beth, whether it be joyous or filled with hate

“Im debating” 

“Between”

“Pancakes with omelette or the french toast” you looked up at him 

“Hmm” he held his infamous smile on his face the one that always made you weak to your knees

“You” 

“Eggs Benedict”

You smile at him “good” 

Before your food comes you two try at the small talk thing, out of nowhere you hear her voice

“Hi you two!”

You both look up at her it seemed like she came out of nowhere

You feel nauseous, the smell of her perfume now made you sick. “Hi how are you?”

“Having a little brunch?”

“Yea”

“Mind if i sit”

You look at Rio and before he can answer you say “Sure!” 

He gives you a look both you and Beth can read

“Here I’ll move over”  you offer as you move to the middle seat

The waiter rushes over and gets her order before any conversation takes place

“You didn't tell me our girl could speak french” “I didn’t? Must have skipped my mind”

“How are the kids Krys?” you ask

“They are good.” She says curtly before turning her attention to Rio “So uh the cookies you wanted me to bake are ready”

“I told you i didn't need them anymore” 

“But i took time off to do so can’t you just come by and pick them up?”

“I’ll send Mick” 

You sit back and observe her behavior. She had done herself up slightly more than usual, her cleavage was showing and she was accentuating it every chance she got. They continue to talk in code and it was  becoming irritating to you because you were sitting there eating your food while they could be discussing the situation in your home without you knowing. At this point you had to assume the worst. 

“Maybe you two need a bathroom break,” you interject both of their head whipped around to look at you, both looked bewildered

“Why would you say that?” Rio asked 

You shrug “it seems like there's a lot you two want to talk about clearly not in front of me” 

Rio smirked before answering

Quickly, Beth answered “Actually we could” “Nah we good, Krystal was just leaving.” He flashes her warning look before she quickly excuses herself. 

He can tell that your mood has turned sour and chucks the date as a fail. When you return to your home he speaks before you exit the car “I didn’t know” “I know Christopher,  gotta grow tough skin right?” He sighs before following you inside.

As always tell me what you think. 

#rio good girls imagine #rio imagine #Brio #rio x reader #beth x rio #rio good girls #rio #nbc good girls #nbc good girls fic #good girls nbc #nbc rio good girls #manny montana fic #Manny Montana #fan fic stuff #fan fic ideas #fan fiction #writingblr

[sh1tbird-shantytown]

Ah thank you for answering my Stommy ask i loved it a lot. Can i get some more Stommy.

Okay so like what if Tommy finally sees what Steve's doing with the kids amd the mindflayer and acts like he's down to help and he is he wants to help steve.

But at the same time he has a bit of a breakdown infront of everyone and his whole bad boy persona drops and he's scared he didn't expect this, he didn't believe in anything like this before and he doesn't understand how steve does it.

Can i get some Johnathan being sympathetic to Tommy and sort coming to an understanding with him, and they get eachother, (i like to think that Tommy isn't rich like steve and is more like the byers than everyone thought. Like he comes from a broken home and all the fancy clothes he gets from steve)

Ooo and some tommy and johnathan being like ugh "rich people"

Will and Tommy moment though where will is like :O and Tommy takes him under his wing like Steve did with Dustin

Whoa this is long. Im so sorry. I hope you have a good day.

stommy for sure. thanks, hun!

===

He didn’t expect it to happen. He never really did, he would get a call from Hopper or Joyce or Dustin usually. Cancel everything and go play near death whack-a-mole for a few hours. He’s gotten real good at it at this point. Tommy was suspicious, started asking questions.

“Where are you going off to?” he’d shown up at the Harrington house. Steve wouldn’t let him in, his bag of monster hunting supplies and his stained nail bat poking out prominently. “Or do you have someone in there with you?” Tommy moved his head around to search behind Steve’s shoulders.

“No, Tom,” Steve put his hands up, “Some stuff just came up. An emergency.”

“Is your mother in the hospital? Is your father back home and he’s sending you out for errands so he can invite his side chick over—“

Steve leaned against the doorway, unamused, “—Come on, Tom, that’s not funny.”

But Tommy didn’t stop, “—Is Dustin sick? What’s so important that you had to cancel twice on me this week? Huh!” Steve closed his eyes for a brief moment, collecting his bearings. He stepped out and closed the door behind him.

“Look,” he slowly took Tommy’s hand, the other watching with clear suspicion. “I would much rather stay in with you and watch your stupid drama movies.” The other’s face twisted a little but he listened. “Hopper needs me right now, important, top secret, emergency.” He squeezed Tommy’s fingers a little with every accentuated word. “It’s best that you don’t know, you’re safer that way.” He had hoped that would get Tommy to back off. Wishful thinking.

Tommy shook his head and crossed his arms defiantly, “I’m coming with you for sure now. You don’t get to keep things like this from me now. No secrets.” Steve opened his mouth but Tommy pinched his arm, interrupting him. “No secrets! Okay? You don’t get to go risk yourself, or whatever you’re implying, and leave me in the dark!” Tommy stomped his foot and Steve had the mind to assume he’d been paying attention to all his sisters way of dealing with their own boyfriends. Tommy cupped both sides of his cheeks when Steve sighed. “I am your boyfriend,” he made Steve look at him. Tommy looked concerned, face wrinkled and cheeks pale. “I deserve to know.”

His shoulders sank as he gave in, “You’re not going to like it. Probably won’t even believe it.”

Tommy glared, “Try me.”

Steve went back into the house and grabbed his bag. Tommy quickly noticed the bat, obvious about it with his wide eyes not meeting Steve’s own and instead on the spikes peaking out over his shoulder. He didn’t ask yet though. Instead, he followed Steve all the way to the BMW and then got in the passenger side.

Steve looked over at Tommy sitting rigidly before starting the ignition. There were intense lines between his eyebrows and his lips were being abused by him biting them. He started gnawing on his fingernails when Steve made a decision.

He stepped out quick and Tommy startled, “Where are you going now?”

Steve leaned back in, antsy, “I’m going to get you a weapon.” Tommy looked like he desperately wanted to ask, Steve waited, but Tommy just sat back with his leg bouncing. He sighed again and Tommy glanced over at the noise. “You don’t have to come. It’d be better if you just stayed here until I get back.” Tommy folded his arms, leg still going up and down due to the weight of his hand not lessening it.

“Like hell I am,” he grumbled, “Go get me something if it’s so necessary.” Steve’s shoulders and ankles were tense and locked a little in place. This wasn’t going to end well even if Tommy believe him. He wasn’t supposed to add anyone else to the group. All he had as an excuse was Tommy’s unrelenting behavior and how immediate and stressed Hopper had sounded when he called. The excuse that maybe more help was necessary.

So Steve went to the shed and found a chain. A long iron chain that his father had used to hold the fence gate between theirs and the neighbors’ yards shut. He went back to the car with it in hand. When he sat back down Tommy stared wonderingly at it. Steve dropped it in his lap, the sound heavy as it slipped slowly to the car floor and clanked together.

“Can you still lasso?” he asked quietly. Didn’t want to trigger Tommy into some spell of hysterics.

Tommy swallowed and his eyes grew even more serious than before, “Yeah, yeah I can still lasso.”

Steve looked from the chain to Tommy’s face a few times, “Can you do to the same with that as you can a rope if we need you to?” He’d seen Tommy lasso, done some himself in the summers on the Hagan farm. Their small farm that housed loads of milk cows. It was a nice escape, mostly outdoors and their house was rundown only a little. Obviously warn from love and family and sweet time. Something real against the Harrington’s artificial capsule.

Tommy nodded again, “I can make it work.” When Steve didn’t catch Tommy’s eye for another minute or so, he started out to the Byers’ house. He could tell Tommy was trying to pay attention to the route but he kept messing with the chain. Steve knew he was forming it around to form the lasso correctly. Had seen Tommy sit on a bale of hay and mess with a rope the same way.

They pulled up to the dusty driveway and Tommy finally looked up with recognization, “Who exactly is involved in all this?”

Steve parked and neither of them moved, “Well, we’ve got all the Byers, Mike and Nancy Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair, Dustin, and Hopper”

Tommy glared over at him and opened his door, “What kind of shit have you gotten yourself into?”

Steve only smiled thinly and he stepped out to grab his bag from the backseat before heading up to the door. Hopper was smoking and watched him as Tommy slowly gathered his chain.

“What did you do now?” Hopper didn’t sound surprised.

Steve could only shrug, “He insisted.”

Hopper took a drawn out puff, “Well you should have resisted.”

Steve turned his neck to glimpse as Tommy closing the car door, “You trying resisting a Hagan and then get back to me.”

Hopper raised a brow and flicked the ash off the filter, “Just keep him by you and make sure he doesn’t get hurt. I don’t want to have to explain to his parents.”

Steve rubbed his upper arm as Tommy walked up to his side, “Why would I get hurt? And what’s wrong with my parents?” he ordered defensively.

Hopper sighed and squished the cherry out in an outdoor ashtray balanced on the porch railing, “Nothing, kid. Your father just doesn’t like me.”

Tommy muttered something Steve only just barely caught, “You just can’t leave an innocent drunk man alone on a Friday night.”

“What’s that?” Hopper’s eyes narrowed. Tommy folded his arms and didn’t respond, only shook his head once.

Steve looked between the two. He knew Tommy’s father liked to drink sometimes. Mostly after a long day working on harvesting hay bales and tending to their cows. Knew his mother and Tommy’s sisters hated when he did. Tommy didn’t know how to feel, got mad at Steve when he tried to sympathize. A few of their fights had ended in Tommy throwing the fact that Steve’s father was never really around back in his face. Yelling he wouldn’t understand. Couldn’t. Not the same way.

“What’s the code?” he asked to break the heavy tensions, to at least try. Instead a new sort of shadow surrounded them.

“Orange,” Hopper took his hat off and rubbed his forehead, “Looks like more strays are picking off cattle at night. We need to go catch them.”

Tommy perked up, “Cattle? So you do know what’s been picking our calves off?” he shouted. “What is it? Why are you hiding it from the town? Us farmers!” He was livid and when Steve touched his arm to comfort, it was whacked away. He stepped back, a bit betrayed. The adrenaline in Tommy must have picked up already. He only acted like this when he was wound up tight and angry. Hopper was silent for a long moment as Tommy huffed his breaths in and out, upset.

He turned around to the house and said, “You’re about to find out,” before the door opened and closed.

“What is going on, Harrington?” Tommy asked, desperate now. Desperate for answers he hadn’t asked for. Made Steve annoyed that he allowed himself to get pent up again. Out of control of himself, the opposite of what they’d been working on. He took Tommy’s hands gently, at least thankful for Tommy allowing that much.

“I need you to take a few deep breaths, Sweetheart,” he used his calm tone. Used it for the kids when they got too scared sometimes. “This isn’t going to get any easier, so if you want to step out, do it now.” He waited and Tommy didn’t move, didn’t really do anything besides stare at him. “Is that a no?”

“I’m not leaving,” Tommy stated stubbornly.

“No one would think any less of you,” Steve said deeply, “We all wish we didn’t have to deal with this shit. You can go back home, you wouldn’t be able to tell people about this. The government will confiscate you otherwise.”

Tommy scoffed, “So my father isn’t some crazy conspiracy theorist.” Steve didn’t answer, didn’t really want to, didn’t think he needed to.

“It’s scary, Tom.”

Tommy puffed out his chest, “I don’t care. I’m staying with you and that’s final.”

The door opened and Dustin started yelling, “Son of a bitch, why is he here, Steve? Get your ass in here, we need to start planning!” Steve turned and Dustin started attempting to drag him up the porch. “We’ve got target on three different farms tonight.” He stopped and Steve almost tripped on the last stop. He asked Tommy, “Dont you live on one?”

Tommy’s shoulders rose, “What’s it to you?” Dustin glanced at Steve, who was giving a warning glance, shrugged his shoulders and headed inside again.

Steve grabbed the door and held it open for Tommy, “Come on then!” Tommy ran up and into the house, the warm waft of heat blown into their faces. Joyce met them first, Dustin rushing back into the other room.

She eyes Tommy worriedly, “Did you tell him anything yet?” Steve shook his head. She wasn’t mad, she instead waved then in more, “Well then we have quite a bit to catch you up then, huh?” she smiled welcoming. Walked them in through to where everyone was already staring over a map of Hawkins. Red circles around what Steve assumed were the farms being threatened.

Nancy’s face twisted, “What’s up with this?” she gestured to Tommy and his chain clutched in his fist.

“He wants in,” Steve shrugged and stepped forward to look at the map between Hopper and Dustin, “Not like we couldn’t use the help.”

Nancy scowled, “We can manage.”

“Yeah,” Mike butted in.

Steve glared at her, “Let it go, Nance. He’s here and that’s it, please.” She looked at Johnathan but John looked at Tommy just as openly as his mother had.

“You know how to throw that?” he looked at the dark chain links.

Tommy nodded and pointed to the west circle, “That’s my farm. Well, my dad’s.” He looked sheepish, like he was admitting something.

“Cool,” Steve heard Will whisper.

Johnathan smiled more just as Nancy’s frown deepened, “Didn’t know you were in the lower levels like us.” Tommy frowned and Nancy scolded John with a slap to the arm. “It’s just cool is all,” he defended himself from her onslaught.

Tommy grew confused, “Cool?”

John nodded, “Tuff,” he grinned. Tommy smirked and eased down, comfortably joining Steve by his side.

“So do I get the backstory or what?” Everyone else looked at Hopper.

The man rolled his eyes but relented, “Keep up,” he pointed at Tommy gruffly. The boy nodded and Steve planted a grounding hand on his shoulder. “When Will went missing he was actually trapped in a different dimension. There’s El, who isn’t here right now, she was an experiment.” His voice with filled with distaste. “ She has powers, telekinesis. She’s resting right now so she can—“

“Which is stupid,” Mike snapped, “She’s not ready—“ Lucas and Dustin elbowed him to shut him up.

Hopper didn’t even look at the kids, “She’s getting ready to fight the bigger problem, the mindflayer. Something that likes possessing people. Watch out for that,” he tipped his hat back. “But there are big dogs from that other dimension sneaking in like your average coyote onto farms. So we have to go out and clean them out.” Steve eyed Tommy’s face which was stoney. Hopper turned back to the table and map when he fingered Tommy had at least taken all of what he said in through his ears to process eventually. “We’re hitting it by groups. Joyce and I will go to Merrill’s. Nancy, Johnathan, Will, and Mike are going to Tinnerman’s. Steve, Tommy, Dustin, and Lucas are at Hagan’s. Got that?” he looked around. When no one disagreed he backed away.

Steve took his bag off and set it on top of the map, “You still have that tire iron?” he asked Dustin as he took out his lighter.

“Yep,” the kid nodded, “Still behind the house, I’ll go get it,” he ran off.

Steve only had to look at Lucas for an answer, “Got my pockets full of rocks and marbles this time.”

Steve smiled small but assuring, “Good.”

Everyone walked off to retrieve their own weapons or start their own vehicles. Except Steve and Tommy. Tommy was pale and his eyes were greyish.

“Hey,” Steve rubbed a thumb across his freckled cheek, “What’s going on in your head?” he whispered.

Tommy looked up and took in a shaky breath, “I’m ready to kill some monsters?” The questioning tone didn’t surprise Steve, the words did though. He didn’t ask, didn’t want to over work Tommy’s mind already. Not when they still had a long night ahead.

===

The Hagan property was the smallest of the three Hawkins farms. Fencing behind them that was meant to keep cattle on grounds, then a big barn, then the Hagan house. But it wasn’t meant to be called “small” either. The cattle were safe in the barn as long as they all stayed attentive and ready to kill off any demodog invaders. Simple, all in a days work. But Tommy was shaking like a leaf and Steve heard rustling from their right.

He stepped ahead a few steps just as Dustin and Lucas yelled out at the shadow creeping out of the trees. Tommy cursed loudly, so much so Steve feared Tommy’s mother would wake from it all the way in the house. He swung his bat to stabilize himself and then went to town on the thing’s neck, back, and head. It went down quick and others started coming out more and more. Lucas slung-shot his own ammunition and Dustin kept them back with Steve’s lighter and a can of hairspray.

“Can you get that one, Tom?” he shouted over the growls of a new dog as one ran past him to the fence.

It was a pretty quick success all things considering. The carcasses laid around Steve in wide diameter, gunk sprung all over the grass and tree bark. But as silence carried no more sounds carried out from the darkness.

He faced the group, Dustin parking things back into Steve bag and pulling out water bottles. Lucas was trying to wipe the sweat from his face.

Then Steve caught sight of Tommy standing still. Too still. He panicked.

“Tom?” he whisper yelled as he ran up to him. Grabbed his arms and then his head, “Tommy, are you alright?” Tommy’s pale face reflected streaks of luminescent tracks in the moonlight. His eyes looked frozen wide. “Hey,” he wiped away the tears with his thumbs and made Tommy make eye contact. Which seems to blow him out of his stupor. He started breathing sporadically. Steve hugged him and started breathing in and out exaggeratedly. “Match me, Sweetheart,” he whispered. Breathed in and waited as Tommy matched it. Exhaled and patiently listened.

By the time Tommy was lax against him, exhausted and adrenaline all gone, Steve had decided they were done. He snapped his fingers to grab Lucas and Dustin’s attention.

“Yo, call Hopper and see what they’re up to, please,” he threw one of Tommy’s arms over his shoulders. Started leading them back to his car a little ways away. Tommy wouldn’t speak, Steve had the mind to assume he was in shock. Knew the feeling himself. But the amount Tommy was still partially immobile on his own was concerning. “Can you signal to me how your feeling, Tommy? What can I do for you?” he asked as he opened the car door and worked his boyfriend into the passenger seat. He knelt on the wet road, his jeans getting damp at the knees.

Tommy finally made eye contact on his own and pressed his lips together, “That was scary.” Steve nodded understandingly. Tommy continued, “This is fucked,” he sat back and forcibly enclosed Steve hand in between his own. Steve distantly heard Dustin yapping to someone on the walkie talkie. “How do you all do it?” he asked exasperatedly. He deflated and shook his head, lost, “How do you do it all? You were amazing back there, didn’t hesitate or flinch.”

Steve smiled and leaned up to give Tommy a kiss to the cheek, “No one is going to be upset with you Tommy. We don’t even have to mention it. The important thing is,” he stepped back, “That we’re all safe and the dogs are done with.”

“But—“

“We won’t hold it against you,” he promised and Tommy closed his mouth slowly. Nodding in agreement a little reluctantly.

Dustin was messing with the dials on the walkie when he left Tommy there, “I’m gonna go clean the mess up, you two get in the car and wait.

Lucas stepped up though, “I’ll help.” Steve gave him a look but he persisted, “Please?”

He rolled his eyes, “I guess you’d be better help than Dustin.”

“Hey!” the other scolded.

Lucas flicked him, “Please, you gag every time the goo gets on you.”

“I wonder why!” Dustin called back as he got into the car with Tommy.

===

It was a few weeks later and Tommy was a little more comfortable in the Party and their occasional missions to take out other dimensional monsters. Tommy was good with the chain when he wasn’t completely petrified. Caught and wrangled multiple dogs out of the way on occasions. Sure he stopped out a few time but they didn’t fight him about it. Knew he knew what he couldn’t handle.

He was teaching Will a thing or two now. They each sat on logs in the Byers’ backyard with ropes in their hands and on their laps. Steve watched as he leaned against the back door doorframe with Joyce. Johnathan had tried to follow along but had quickly knotted his bad. Had encouraged them both instead as Tommy directed Will step by step.

Then, Steve joined them as they worked on tossing and capturing low tree branches. Tommy lassoed them all and Steve got some. But Will grew his skills fast apparently because he was right behind Tommy, grasping all the practicing targets with concentrated ease.

Tommy fist bumped the kid and Steve used his height to pull the rope back down, “Good job, Byers!”

“I was actually good at it,” Will beamed proudly. Tommy slung an arm over Wills shoulders and headed towards the house as Joyce called for dinner.

“You know, you should come take Steve’s place on the farm over the summer.” Will bounced on the souls of his feet a bit at the excitement and giggled when Steve scoffed dramatically.

“I’m just rusty.”

Tommy chuckled, “Come on, Byers One and Byers Two, let’s leave the Rich Boy to clean up.” Will laughed and followed him loyally.

Johnathan stood with a definite nod, “Agreed.” Steve stopped to watch them race to the house like they were all young boys.

Tommy fit in just fine.

#steve harrington #tommy hagan #stommy #stranger things #will byers #jim hopper #johnathan byers #i’ll edit this more later but here! #hope it’s alright. i was unsure on how to end it but i didn’t want to keep you waiting even longer #:) <3

[goggles-mcgee]

So apple flipped the table when she and raven talked can we see that conversation and then the fight with dexter afterwards please im so intrested

She almost flipped the table but yeah of course!!

~♤~♡~◇~♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧~◇~♡~♤~

Raven took a deep breath to calm herself as they neared The Wonderland Haberdashery & Tea Shoppe, she was grateful that Dexter was there and was holding her hand the entire time but with Darling and Daring there as well, and all three of them with their swords, it really wasn't helping her nerves. Which was ridiculous, she shouldn't be nervous to see Apple and yet...she was...she really was. When she had first woken up she hadn't even thought about the fact she had been poisoned with the sleep like death, but when she admitted she didn't remember much other than taking a bite out of the tart that was given to her. Apparently someone left it in the kitchen and they had seen her name on a tag before it had fallen and had gotten lost somewhere during the lunch rush, she was surprised but well, apple tarts were her favorite dessert and somehow someone had known. It wasn't something she liked to admit due to her story but she had felt her cheeks flush and a happy smile slip onto his lips and she had eagerly gotten a forkful and that was all she remembered, after that it was all dark.

That was something she hated, people kept asking her what it was like to be under that enchanted sleep, Blondie kept asking if she dreamed and Raven honestly would rather forget the experience altogether. She didn't dream...it had felt as though she had stopped existing...it was one of the hardest things to experience and she wouldn't wish it to happen to anyone. Briar asked and she was the only one besides Holly and Poppy that Raven had told the truth to. She hadn't even told Dexter or her own mother what it felt like. Then there was the matter of who poisoned her...she just couldn't wrap her head around it, yeah they got into a fight but Raven thought her and Apple were hexcellent friends. Raven had been annoyed at Apple's actions lately, but she chalked it up to Apple's mom putting pressure on her, she never thought Apple would try to make her hate her the way she did. The sad part? Raven didn't hate Apple despite what she had done, she felt bad for her. Which is why she agreed to this lunch in the first place.

She agreed with her mother to let Dex take her and tried to limit it to only him but her mother and surprisingly the Charming siblings argued she needed them all. It had befuddled her so much that she just agreed to the extra "security" and here they were. The Charming Siblings were talking amongst themselves but you could tell they were alert, especially Dexter, she could feel how tense he was the closer they got to the door.

As soon as the reached it Daring opened the door with a flourish and bowed to Raven as he motioned her inside with a wink. She rolled her eyes but stepped in and immediately zeroed in on Apple sitting near the back. It wasn't hard to find her, everyone else in the shop seemed to sit everywhere else but near her and the sight made Raven's heart clench. She ignored the looks and the whispers and she briskly walked up to Apple's table, she gave the girl a small smile as she took the seat across from her. Dexter didn't sit but he stood near her, Daring and Darling stood closer to the door though Darling was closer but Raven noticed neither was looking at them. It was almost like they couldn't make themselves look at Apple.

"Thanks for coming finally. I ordered your usual tea." Apple's voice was full of honey that promised the presence of wasps but Raven tried not to let it get to her.

"Thanks for inviting me Apple." Raven replied politely as she grabbed the cup in front of her, she was going to take a drink to calm her nerves but Dexter stopped her and gently grabbed the cup from her but she could see how much he was holding himself back. From what? She didn't know but she frowned and was about to ask him what he was doing but when she looked up she saw he was glaring straight at Apple who let out a wry chuckle.

"I didn't poison it Dexter." She said with a roll of her eyes and it made Raven's stomach drop, more so when Apple looked at her. "Did you really have to bring the bodyguards?"

"It wasn't her choice." Dexter grit out, Raven had never seen him so serious or wound up. "And forgive me for not believing you Poison Apple."

Raven felt dizzy as she watched the two. Especially when she heard Apple growl, Apple never growled.

"Don't call me that!"

"It's the name you earned." Who knew Dexter could be so cold...

"Stop." Raven pleaded as she grabbed Dexter's hand. "If you're....worried that she's...done something can you get me a new pot of tea or something. Just please...I want you two to stop."

Dexter softened, if only a bit but motioned for Daring to get her her drink. Raven had to calm herself from doing something foolish like yelling, she knew he meant well but she wasn't made of glass. He didn't have to stand there like a suit of armor, she would actually have been less frustrated if he had sat down next to her. She knew he didn't trust Apple but this...this was madness! And not the good kind!

"Shut up with that goodey goodey talk Queen." Raven felt as though she was slapped when she realized that Apple had said it and was glaring at her with such hatred...what did she do to deserve that??? They were friends...they had been friends...hadn't they? "Don't act like you're some saint. This is all your fault."

"My faul.....Apple. I didn't do anything to you!" Raven had already been frustrated she felt desperate to get Apple to see her mistakes.

"Exactly! If you had just stuck to our story I would still have EVERYTHING. You. Took. Everything!" Apple yelled as she slowly stood up, pushing the table towards Raven when she did. Raven did the same only so she didn't have to feel the press of the table, she felt Dexter behind her, his hand laid on the small of her back and she took comfort in the warmth.

"You....You can't be serious. Apple. You did this to yourself!" Raven yelled back.

Raven watched as apple grabbed the corner of the table, her eyes on fire as she glared at Raven with clenched teeth. "NO I DIDN'T! I DID NOT! I DID WHAT WAS NECESSARY FOR MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND YOU RUINED IT YOU WITCH!"

It was like everything had gone in slow motion, she had braced herself to be hit with the table once Apple flipped it but it didn't happen, Apple had barely tipped it when Raven had heard a SHINK! and saw the glare of the sun bouncing off Dexter's sword which was pointed right at Apple. The air was tight as everyone held their breaths, waiting to see what would happen. Raven watched as Apple looked at the sword and then Dexter, she watched those blue eyes go through a storm of emotions, hate, fury, confusion, hurt, fear....and back at hate. Apple huffed and set the table down loudly and stalked out of the shop, the clicking of her heels sounding ominous as she did so.

"Are you alright?" Dexter asked as he quickly put his sword away and cradled Raven's face. The gesture was sweet but all Raven tasted was bitterness. She stepped back and frowned.

"Why would you do that? Did you see Apple's face?"

Dexter frowned and scrunched his nose. "She was going to flip that table at you! You know she was!"

"And if she was? I could have stopped it! Or we could have talked to her instead of raising our weapons first!"

"Talk to...Raven. Poison Apple has shown she's more prone to action that words!"

"Don't call her that! That's what riled her up! If we just talked maybe I could have talked some sense into her!" Raven's throat felt raw but if she didn't say this now, she had a feeling she wouldn't have said it at all.

"Sense? Raven she has none! Briar tried okay, and it did nothing. She doesn't feel bad about poisoning you, she doesn't feel bad about all the stunts she pulled trying to make you look bad. She doesn't care. I don't think you talking with her would have made a difference." Towards the end his voice got softer, he wasn't yelling anymore but you could tell Dexter was still mad and anxious. He kept running his fingers through his hair so it looked more unkempt than usual.

"Well I don't know that. Because you wouldn't let me try. You guys are great and I love having you around but enough is enough. Stop treating me as though I'm made of glass. I'm not! I want a boyfriend Dex. Not a babysitter."

"I know you're not Raven, but Poison Apple still poisoned you. You were gone for a little over a month, nearing two. So I'm sorry if we care about your wellbeing since you don't seem to." Dexter huffed out, his nostrils flaring like a bull that just saw red.

Raven didn't say anything, because she knew if she did she would say something really hurtful, she was so frustrated and her magic was bubbling in response. "You think. I want to go back to that. To sleep? Because I don't. I wouldn't wish that upon any not even Apple. You think I'm not scared of it happening again?"

Her magic was pulling and pushing her at the same time, she needed to calm down but she just couldn't. She took a step back from Dexter and more towards the kitchen door. "I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE......I thought....I was slowly being convinced that I didn't exist...so don't you dare tell me I don't care. I'm terrified that this? All of this is some dream and I'm still in that glass coffin! So forgive me if I just want to make sense of it ALL."

She was crying but she didn't care, her throat hurt but she didn't care, but after the final word she did care. It all flooded back into her and her magic exploded the lights around her. Raven felt like she was 6 years old all over again and with one last look at Dexter and giving a soft sorry to everyone else she fled out the back door and ignored the call of her name.

She needed to see Maddie and Cerise.

#ever after high #ever after high au #poison apple au #evil white au #evil apple white #eah evil queen #eah snow white #dexter charming x raven queen #dexter charming #raven queen #darling charming #daring charming #the wonderland haberdashery and tea shoppe

[timep3tals]

Ooooh if you're doing drabbles, something from i swear i'll come back to you universe where we have a very overprotective and stressed tony and peter just trying to drive properly that somehow results to a minor accident?

this ask makes me so happy ;-; im so glad you’re enjoying i swear, i’ll come back to you, enough to ask for a piece of that universe!!! i hope i do it justice

also, a link to the full story (which I will update hopefully in the next two weeks or so!): i swear, i’ll come back to you

—-

Two weeks have passed since Peter’s unexpected, non-zombified return to the land of the living. In those two weeks, Peter hadn’t seen anything beyond the same old compound walls. Tony decided the best course of action (without consulting Peter, mind you, who’s the one who came back from the dead in the first place) was to lock him up at Avengers Compound, send all the workers on their unexpected but very well deserved paid vacation time, and settle down for constant Badger Peter Until His Ears Bleed time.

Bafflingly, May agreed with Tony.

Everyday she made the hour or so long trip from New York City to upstate. May wouldn’t even consider taking him back to New York until his quote-unquote “issue” had been “resolved”. Peter was of the opinion that his issue (being dead, that is) had already been resolved, and he would very much like to get back to his life, please and thank you.

Unfortunately, they still hadn’t figured out why or how he’s back, so… yippee, hooray, he’s a walking, talking mystery. Doctor Strange visited fairly often, Christine in tow, to poke and prod at Peter with shiny needles and sparkly magic. Peter couldn’t really tell you what they were looking for — he was alive. It’s not as if death could linger on him.

At the very least, Tony tried to keep Peter entertained. If left to his own devices, Peter would likely sneak out as Spider-Man (or at this point, even plain ol’ Peter would suffice), so he figured it was probably for the best Tony insisted on spending as much time as humanly possible together doing everything the genius could concoct, all the while under the compound’s watchful eye. Or FRIDAY’s watchful eye. One in the same, really.

One of those activities was finally making good on the promise of teaching Peter how to drive. Really, he was more terrified than excited anymore. 

Especially because he was currently behind the wheel and Tony was bossing him around from the passenger seat.

God help them all.

“Peter, Peter,” Tony said. His hand was tight on Peter’s arm as he steadily drove the car around the compound. He’d been panicking for most of the ride, and yeah, sure, Peter gets it. New driver and all, but the new driver already had anxiety and he didn’t need Tony Stark adding to his hysterics. “Slow down.”

“I really can’t go much slower than this,” Peter complained. “I’m at fifteen miles an—”

“Fifteen?” Tony clasped a hand to his chest, and Peter might’ve cried had he not been able to hear Tony’s steady, albeit quick, heart beat thundering in his chest. “My god, kid, are you trying to kill us?”

“What? No!” Peter groaned. He gripped the steering wheel even tighter than before. The plastic began to warp under his brutal grip. “This is slow, are you serious? You drive around at like, a hundred plus all the time.”

“I’ve also had years of experience,” Tony pointed out. He eyed the nearest pole, some twenty feet away, with fear and disdain. “Thirty-seven, to be exact. I can speed if I damn well want to, but you’ve never driven anywhere before in your life.”

Peter bit back the automatic retort of, Because I died. Otherwise he would have well over a year of experience, but he didn’t think Tony would take well to a reminder. So he bit his tongue, despite the overwhelming urge to scream and fight.

“I’m driving around a building,” he said instead.

Irritated at both Tony and his own inability at driving still, Peter pressed down on the gas pedal a little harder. The speedometer inched higher until he was hovering around twenty-five. Tony’s heart rate jumped up in time with their speed, and he reached over to grab onto the wheel.

“Peter, stop!” he said urgently. “Let me take the wheel.”

“Will you quit?” Peter snapped back. “I can handle twenty five miles an hour!”

Tony looked between Peter and the outside world as the car jerked and swerved under their mutual grip. “Stop the car!”

“No, get off!”

“Peter, the tree!”

The car jerked as the front end slammed into the tree. The airbags didn’t deploy, but Peter felt momentarily choked by his seatbelt before he rocked back into the driver’s seat, stunned. Tony scrambled to unbuckle himself, sitting up and leaning over as he began to check over Peter.

“Are you okay, kid?” he asked. “Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me—”

Peter knocked Tony’s hands away, sick of his constant fussing. Tony sat back in his seat, startled at the sudden show of force.

“Knock it off, Tony!” he shouted. “You’re driving me crazy, and I can’t take the constant nag, nag, nag. I know what happened, I know how much time has past but you have got to let me breathe! I’m just as scared as you are but you’re going to suffocate me before anything else kills me! I don’t want to die either, you know! I’m constantly afraid to vanish again but never know it because there was nothing while I was dead! Nothing but emptiness — a void I-I know is there, but it’s just nothing! So please, stop trying to smother me and let me live again!”

By the end of his rant, Peter was heaving for air. Tony’s brows nearly touched his hairline, staring at Peter as if truly seeing him for the first time in two weeks. Frustrated, Peter jerked his head to look out the driver’s side window and wrapped his arms around himself.

A hand brushed through his hair. Peter didn’t fight it.

“Hey, kid,” Tony said, quiet. “I’m sorry. I forgot this is all just as difficult for you as it is for me. I’m not trying to suffocate you, I…”

Tony took a deep breath, sounding as though about to cry. Peter turned his head back to his mentor, heart aching.

“I already know what it’s like to lose you, kid. I never, ever want to experience that kind of pain again. Losing you took away everything I thought was good in this world. All I want to do is protect you.”

“I know, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, “but you gotta let me be my own person again. I love you, I do, I love you so much, but I can’t live wrapped in bubble wrap.”

“And you shouldn’t have to.” Tony studied Peter’s face before opening his arms. Peter unbuckled and eagerly dipped into the hug. No matter how angry he was, he’d never refuse a hug from Tony. Especially not when every hug now came with guaranteed hair-playing. “I’ll try to back off. No promises, but… I’ll give you some space. Some, Peter. You’re still going to have me hovering over you as often as I can, but it’s because I love you.”

Peter’s eyes burned. Tony had never said I love you out loud before.

“I love you, too.”

“I know.” Tony scratched his fingers along his scalp, and Peter shived with the pleasant sensations. “You’re a great kid. The best.” He patted Peter’s shoulder, and when he spoke again, he sounded like he was smiling. “Now, you wanna send a text to those nerd friends of yours and see if they want to come up for movie night? No hovering, I promise.”

Peter pulled back. “Really?”

Tony nodded. “Sure, kid. Besides, someone has to fix up this car now.”

Oh, yeah. Yikes. Peter grimaced. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tony reassured him. “Now get out of the driver’s seat. I’m driving us back to the garage.”

Absolutely beaming, Peter eagerly jumped out of the car and let Tony take the driver’s seat. Movie night with MJ and Ned was only the start, but Peter felt as if it was the first step to getting the life he’d known before back. And he couldn’t wait.

Tag List: @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @riseuplikeglitterandgold @just-the-daydreamer @roaringgay @serendipity–goddess @tony-wheres-my-supersuit @baloobird @spider-beep @swagfictonreadingnerd @tcny-stcrks (If you want to be added or removed, just let me know!)

#i swear i'll come back to you #my writing #drabble #tony stark #iron man #peter parker #spiderman #marvel #mcu #tony stark and peter parker #tony stark & peter parker #spiderson #spider son #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #iron dad spider son

[a-fic-a-day]

Please dont take my sunshine away

This is my interpretation of what happens to my Traveler Shiloh before the A6 crew find her.

Panic gripped my chest like a vice! ' where is everyone! Where are the guards! What's happening!' With every thought my feet carried me swiftly through the gilded halls of my home. 'This is what you get for falling asleep in the garden again shiloh now you dont know whats going on!' 

Agonized screams and angry shouts could be heard echoing through the halls fueling my hurried escape to where is wasn't sure! A sharp turn and then a site so horrid a scream catches in my throat as I stop just short of the bloodied corpse of a guardsmen. Hands flying to my mouth in horror. Trembling I go to step away before a hand shoots out grabbing me firmly by the shoulder ,tugging me into a side hallway away from the scene.  Before I can scream a voice familiar, gentle and sonorous speaks lowly easing my nerves.

"Hush little  lamb. It's just me. Now listen something really bad is happening and you and I need to get out of here as quickly and quietly as possible."

 In all our lives my brother has never sounded so grave, so serious. His white brows pinched into a scowl upon his normally jovial blue face. I nod still too shaken to speak but trusting Ser'Rose enough to get us out safely. He was always sneaking out he knows the most secret paths some even the most skilled of our guard couldn't even find.

"Where is that guard of yours hmm lamb? Always hovering when you don't need him but now he's a ghost" 

I swallow the lump in my throat as he leads me by the hand out of the palace " I don't know Rosie… i.. I fell asleep in the garden again and i woke up and people were just screaming. I still dont know whats happening Rosie."

He stopped sharply pushing us against a wall. I go to say something and he hushes me with a look. We hear heavy footsteps and a sharp voice so heavy with bloodlust " Find them! Gather every royal mutt up  and put em down!" 

Our hiding spot was thankfully spared as the footsteps ran off in the opposite direction. " that's why we are getting out of here lamb. Some nasty people want us dead but i'm not gonna let that happen! Now come lamb we've got to get to my good friend Ar'dwalla.They owe me a favor and in cashing in today. They're gonna get us off this planet and safe." He paused taking a deep breath  and looking me in the eye where hot tears had begun to gather. 'Im scared but at least i have rosie with me'   I gathered myself and gently  squeezed his hand " ok rosie i trust you."  ' I fear for our brothers and sisters and  our parents  so deeply it hurts but he already knows that…'

The journey out of the palace is tense and quick. Almost being caught several times because of me. it's Painful to think of what could happen should we get caught and i'm the one slowing us down. I tug  on his arm to get him to stop my voice wavers with sadness as I eye our exit  

 " Rosie im slowing us down. We will get caught as soon as we are out…" a shuddering breath " Im not as quick or as stealthy as you… you should go without me . It will be safer for you." 

He is on me in a second. Callused hands gripping my upper arms looking at me as if I had just said the worst thing he has ever heard.  Firmly he says " dont! " he swallows hard and looks down and back up " don't ever say something like that again!  We can both make it! I would never leave you shiloh! Never! You and I are going to make it and we are going to get out of here and live! Do you understand me!" I nob  frantically tears pricking at my eyes again "good! Now let's Go!" And we ran.

 We managed to get  a decent way out before we heard the violence spill into the city. We were vulnerable out here. Ser'Rose more so than I with his bad habit of sneaking out and   being known. People know his face, his voice, he wanted to be seen and known and now it was causing our escape  to be more hazardous. 

" just a little further now lamb and we will be-" he cut himself off abruptly pulling me to his chest and into the shadows. That same bloodthirsty voice from the palace wrapped my heart in an icy grip. " Where are you little prince! We know you're out here somewhere! Best come out quick and ill make your death a quick one runt!"  A crash and then  the sound of solid footfalls " this princey is a little pest I hear! The black sheep always running off from his little flock! Causing trouble for mommy and daddy! Now causing me trouble! Get! Out! Here! Face your death coward!"  

My brother was tense and his jaw clenched  i looked up at him wide eyed. This was our only route to Ar'dwalla. We are trapped right now we stare death in the face.  I whisper my voice dripping in fear " what do we do Rosie? Should we hide and wait?"

 He looks at me. The tension fading from his face into something soft and familiar. Like when he used to calm me from a nightmare. He presses something into my hands, it's cold , rounded metal.  I look into his eyes searching for an answer and all i see is tender sadness and a glint, one that ive seen before that calls for no argument. Once he's made up his mind there is no changing it.  His voice is tender  and soft when he speaks " No lamb you are going to hide. You're going to stay here and you're not going to leave this spot until it's quiet. No matter what you here Shiloh promise me you wont leave this spot!"

I knew what he was going to do " Rosie you can't! You said you'd get us both out! Both you and me! Please Rosie you cant ! I won't let you!" It was like a rock in my stomach as I spoke!  ' he cant he cant he cant! I won't let him! Please rosie don't do this… please..' 

" you're  so good lamb. And i've never done right by you and im sorry im breaking another promise to you! But you were always the best of us. So kind and loving. You should be able to live and enjoy life, find love, have an adventure and im not going to let you die here and ruin that" he held me tighter tears running down  his pale blue cheeks " i love you so so much Shiloh! Don't ever forget that. Take care of yourself and live for me. Live for me lamb!" He kissed my forehead lovingly and with finality before he scrubbed his eyes  before walking out.  Leaving me silently crying praying for his safety.

I could hear him as he spoke tauntingly " I heard someone ask for a prince." 

"Looks like the roach came out." The malice was there in that voice as they spoke slow and drawn out " come here runt and you can die with the rest of your flock." It was near silent the tension in the air only broken by my brothers slow and taunting footfalls a pause and then rage "GAH YOU SNEAKY BLUE BASTARD!" 

" YOU DIDN'T THINK ID GO WITHOUT A FIGHT DID YOU, YOU GIANT FOOL!"  The ragged sounds of a fight! I flinched each time I heard him cry out! Every hit I heard  him take felt as though i took the blow myself  before finally "I'M DONE PLAYING MUTT!" *CRACK*  a gunshot and the sound of   a body hitting the ground with a strained groan "Stay down and die in the dirt mutt"  I had to restrain myself from running out screaming to my brother. Falling to my knees in pain as I waited….. and waited. Until there was nothing just as he said before i crawled to the corner of the alley and saw my brother bleeding on the ground 

"no.." my voice trembled as I clambered to my feet and ran to him. Falling to my knees beside his broken body I laid his head in my lap. The tears came hot and fast choked sobs escaping my body as I caressed his bloody cheeks. 

" why…. Is…. My little lamb… crying..? Hmmm?" His voice so soft and broken.

“ Ser' rose! Please please hold on!! I can fix this! I can fix it! I just need! I need! A needle some tread! Rosie im so sorry! It's My fault if I was-" his hand slowly lifted and touched my cheek " shhhhh… lamb..s'not your fault… it's theirs.. you can't fix this… im sorry. I made you…. Cry." He smiled sadly up at me " can i… see.... My sunshine  smile…  one… last time.."  I held his hand tightly to my cheek as I smiled down at him through the tears and  the pain. He smiled tenderly back tears trailing down his face mingling with his blood. 

" You need… to go now Shiloh.. ill be fine… now that i saw… your smile.. I need you to.. go… and live.".

I choked out a sob " I can't leave you here. Your dying.. we can get you help. Please Rosie i need you. I don't know what to do without you. Please please i can't leave you!" I whisper so desperately to him

He shook his head slowly " you.. know.. i wont.. make it… im sorry…. You're  hurt…. But please… you have… to leave… me" his breath was getting shallower and he was paling fast as the  blood left him. " i… will…. Always … be .. with you.. Shiloh…. Always." He closed his eyes and began humming brokenly. Our lullaby, the sound once soft and comforting now haunting with finality. 

I kissed his forehead " i love you rosie" he smiled tiredly as i placed his head back on the ground. Standing i looked down on him. He looked so calm as he lay dying. I turned and i ran. 

The chaos was still everywhere. It was like I couldn't out run it. Smoke and screaming. Pain and death everywhere you looked. I was so close now. Not to much further. 'you can make it! For Rosie! For Rosie!'  

A large blast and im sent flying and tumbling! Smoke burns my eyes and then  a sharp pain in my head! I'm lying on the ground the sky blurred and fading above me! The pain in my head terrible. ' i was so close… im sorry' 

#Andromeda Six #my first fanfic #This is really sad im sorry #A6 #My traveler #My oc's #Please be gentle

[rubysrevenge]

TWDG’S SURVIVAL GUIDE // OR LACK THEREOF.

This is my attempt (and late start) at NANOWRIMO, going off the TWDG drabble challenge prompt created by @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale

character(s): Mitch & Louis ship(s):Mitch/Louis (Louitch) word count: 2881 a/n: I've already been outted as Louitch trash on Tumblr, so I decided to dedicate one of these drabbles to them. It's nothing too romancy, I guess, but things are implied. Take it however you want, I guess. Anyway, I got super carried away with this one, and I don't expect any of my other "drabbles" to be quite this long, but who knows? Regardless, I hope you all enjoy!

————

3 // You Make Me Laugh.

His eyes scan across the name a second, third, and fourth time, and he contemplates ignoring the text, turning his phone off, and going back to sleep.

Mitch: u up?

Despite his first gut instinct, Louis lingers, continuing to stare at the four character text for much longer than necessary. He chews on the inside of his cheek, cursing himself as his curiosity gets the better of him.

A few more seconds pass as he tries to futilely resist the temptation to bite.

He lets out another groan before caving and bringing up his other hand to tap out a message back.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Louis: yeah, why?

Mitch is responding almost instantly and Louis feels immediate dread.

What on Earth is he about to get himself into?

READ ON AO3

He’s nearly asleep when his phone chirps and the screen lights up.

Louis’ battle with insomnia is nothing new. Often times he’ll struggle with it for weeks on end, but, being too stubborn to take anything for it, he allows himself to suffer.

So, naturally, the one night that he actually manages to start drifting off is the night when someone decides to message him.

With a groan, he groggily reaches for his phone, eyes squinting as they fight to adjust to the light of his screen. It takes him a second, but soon enough, he sees just who is messaging him this late.

12:37 AM isn’t that late, Louis realizes, but most people are at home, in bed, asleep at this time— much like Louis, himself; minus the ‘asleep’ part.

His eyes scan across the name a second, third, and fourth time, and he contemplates ignoring the text, turning his phone off, and going back to sleep.

Mitch: u up?

Despite his first gut instinct, Louis lingers, continuing to stare at the four character text for much longer than necessary. He chews on the inside of his cheek, cursing himself as his curiosity gets the better of him.

A few more seconds pass as he tries to futilely resist the temptation to bite.

He lets out another groan before caving and bringing up his other hand to tap out a message back.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Louis: yeah, why?

Mitch is responding almost instantly and Louis feels immediate dread.

What on Earth is he about to get himself into?

Mitch: got u smth Mitch: think ull like it

Now Louis’ interest is really piqued, though he hates to admit it. It’s hard to imagine Mitch getting him anything. Or, well, at one time it might’ve been. As of late, Louis has taken notice of little things here and there. Things such as Mitch messaging him more; randomly giving him things; watching him more… He doesn’t know what to make of it. It’s...odd.

Louis: do you have to show me NOW?

Mitch’s reply is immediate — ‘yes’ — followed by a cascade of others —

Mitch: so get ready Mitch: im on my way to get u

Louis just stares at his screen for a moment, like he can’t believe what he’s reading, before he’s finally typing back.

Louis: it’s almost one in the morning, mitch

Mitch: so???

Louis: SOME of us are trying to sleep

Mitch: well good thing ur already awake then huh?

Louis could strangle him, he swears. He probably would if he didn’t think he’d get his ass handed to him if he tried.

Ultimately, he knows that it’s pointless to tell Mitch no. By now, he’s already on his way over, and will be determined to get Louis out of the house one way or another.

He’s really backed into a corner here.

After a long pause, dramatic groan, and faceplant into his pillow, Louis finally, begrudgingly, responds.

Louis: alright FINE. but you better make this quick

He swears he could chuck his phone across the room when all he gets in response to that is a winky face.

Admittedly, Louis spends more time laying around than he ought to, and it isn’t until his phone is buzzing again with another text that he realizes that he’d dozed off.

He jumps up out of bed before he even reads the text informing him of Mitch’s arrival. He quickly texts back that he’ll be down in a second.

Honestly, he has half a mind just just go in his pajamas, but it’s not exactly warm outside, so he ultimately decides against it, instead, slipping on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He practically has to force his feet into his already tied Converse, and is pulling a hoodie on over his head by the time he’s leaving his room.

Most times, Louis finds himself missing his parents with their busy work schedules, but this night in particular, he could not be more relieved by their absence. At least this way he won’t have to risk getting caught.

By the time he reaches the front door and pulls it open, he catches Mitch in the middle of sending another text, but upon seeing that Louis has finally joined him, discards it.

“About time,” he says in place of a greeting.

“What’re you doing here, Mitch?” Louis doesn’t even try to hide the tiredness in his voice.

“Well, I told you I was coming to pick you up didn’t I?”

Louis would love to wipe that ebbing smirk off his lips. He only entertains the thought for a second, however, before he comes to the shocking revelation that Mitch hadn’t driven here.

“Where’s your car?” he asks, as if that will somehow magically produce an answer he would actually want to hear.

Instead, what he gets is; “Didn’t bring it. I walked here.”

“You what?” Idly, Louis wonders if there’s a possibility that his eyes will fall out of their sockets.

“What am I, speaking French?” If Mitch is attempting to be funny, it’s not working. “I walked here, Louis.”

Louis must have a disagreeable look on his face because the next thing Mitch is asking is, “Is that gonna be a problem for you?”

“Oh, no,” Louis replies, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his tone (he blames it on the lack of sleep), “Not at all. In fact, I was actually looking forward to walking however many blocks with you while being sleep deprived and dead tired. That’s really gonna be the highlight of my night.”

Mitch rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Whatever, Smart-ass. Let’s go.”

Without waiting for a response, Mitch starts off down the street, and for a moment, Louis just stands there, bewildered.

“Wha— are you serious, right now?”

When he notices that Louis still hasn’t budged, Mitch stops and turns back to look at him.

“C’mon, Lou! It’s not that far! Just right down the road!”

Louis doesn’t believe him...but he ends up following after him anyway, and internally cursing himself in the process.

Louis takes long strides to catch up, and when he does, he easily falls into step beside Mitch.

He’s silent for a few minutes before a thought occurs to him.

“Hey, wait— I thought you said you had something for me,” he says, casting Mitch a sidelong glance.

His eyes are met with yet another smirk as Mitch winks and says, “You’ll see. It’s a surprise.”

Normally, Louis loves surprises, but coming from Mitch? He’s not so sure. An uneasy feeling swarms around in his gut the more he thinks about it.

“Can’t wait…”

By the time they reach their destination, Louis is decidedly... underwhelmed.

“This?” he asks, incredulously. “This was your ‘Big Surprise’?”

It’s an abandoned building— some old department store that appeared to have not seen any business since the eighties. Louis wasn’t sure why it was still around or why the city hadn’t had it demolished or renovated yet. He wondered how long it would continue to be around before anything was finally done about it.

“Noooot quite,” Mitch responds, simperingly, tearing Louis from his thoughts. “Follow me.”

They walk around to the back of the building where an old, ricketity looking ladder can be seen, clinging to the brick. The paint is mostly all gone, being replaced by a majority of rust, and Louis swears it looks like the thing would poof into dust at even the lightest of touches.

“Up here,” Mitch says, stepping towards said ladder.

“Wait, what—?” Louis’ eyes widen, clearly not liking this idea. It’s not that he’s scared of trespassing, per se, but more so because there’s no way in forty hells that ladder would ever pass a safety inspection. It’s a death trap waiting to happen.

Though it doesn’t seem to deter Mitch.

“You’re not gonna chicken out now, are you?” He teases, already hoisting himself up the ladder. “After you’ve already come so far?”

“No!” Louis replies defiantly. Yes, he may be tired as all hell, and yes, he might think that his chances of falling to his death on this thing is a very real possibility, but if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s a chicken.

So, without giving a second thought, he’s climbing up after Mitch, trying to go as fast and careful as he can. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t actually breathe again until he’s finally on the roof.

He takes a moment to look around.

It’s not that he’s never been on top of a roof before — he’s done plenty of things and been plenty of places that he shouldn’t — but just that he doesn’t know why they’re here.

Mitch sits close to the edge so that he can peer out at the other buildings and everything below them. Soon enough, Louis has joined him. But not before asking, “So why did you bring me here, exactly? To look at the stars? I could do that at home.”

“Just relax and take a seat, wouldja?” Mitch replies flippantly. “That’s not the only reason why I brought you here.”

Louis reluctantly takes his seat and sends Mitch a quizzical look.

“Then why—” He cuts himself off the moment he sees what at first appears to be a cigarette, but definitely isn’t. “—is that weed?!”

“Whoa, hey!” Mitch, despite not needing to, takes a quick look around before fixing Louis with a stare. “Would you keep it down?”

Louis, for once in his life, actually shuts up, just staring, wide-eyed. The look results in an exasperated sigh from Mitch.

“Hey, just— calm down. It’s not a big deal or anything, alright?” He shrugs, before tilting his head back to look up at the stars for a brief moment. “I just like to come up here to think sometimes… And smoking helps me relax. Didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal to you.”

“It’s not,” Louis clarifies quickly. “I mean— I don’t really care, I just— wasn’t expecting it.”

Mitch finally looks back over at him. “Is that right?”

“Yeah—”

“Because it seemed like it was a pretty big deal to you.”

“Well, it’s not,” Louis defends. “Like I said, I just wasn’t expecting it. In fact, I wasn’t expecting any of this. —— So what, this was your plan? Get me up here to look at the stars and watch you smoke weed?”

“Well…” This time, if Louis didn’t know any better, he’d swear that he could see a genuine smile pulling across Mitch’s lips. “No, not exactly. I mean— yeah, stargazing is bound to happen, but I wouldn’t just smoke in front of you like that…”

“Oh—”

“Without offering you some first, at least.”

“... What—?”

Contrary to what some might believe, Louis has never once smoked before. He’s been around people who have, sure, but he’s never personally smoked, himself. 

“I know people call me an asshole,” Mitch replies, “but I do have manners… Sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” Louis teases. “That’s a shocker.”

“Shut up.” Mitch reaches over to give him a light shove. “You want some or not?”

“Oh, uhhh…” Louis shrugs, pretending to mull it over, even though he already knows what he’s going to say. “I...dunno. I wasn’t really planning on it or anything.”

“Have you ever even tried it?” Mitch asks, regarding him curiously. Though, judging by Louis’ reaction earlier, he has a pretty good idea.

“Well, no—”

“It’s really not that bad,” Mitch goes on to explain. “You were complaining about not being able to sleep earlier, right? This would help with that little problem.”

As tempting as that sounds, Louis still hesitates. He doesn’t want to seem like a punk, or like weed even bothers him for that matter, because it really doesn’t. He truly means it when he says that he doesn’t care if people smoke it. His main concern is just how he, personally, will experience it.

He must take too long to give Mitch an answer, because Mitch adds, “Hey, it’s no big deal if you don’t want to. I’m not gonna force ya or anything.”

That said, he decides not to waste any more time, retrieving a lighter from his pocket and lighting the blunt.

For a few moments, Louis just watches him, eyes trained on the rings of smoke that drift from his lips as he exhales. His eyebrows pull together for a second before he finally makes his decision.

“Okay, fine. Hand it over.”

Mitch, genuinely surprised by this, glances over at him, eyebrows raised. “You sure?”

“Yeah, sure,” Louis replies. “I mean, this was a part of what you had in store for me, right? Fuck it. Might as well.”

Mitch can’t stop the beginnings of a grin from tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Hell, yeah!” he cheers, passing the joint over after one more drag.

Louis hesitates for a moment, before deciding to throw caution to the wind. He’d already come this far, anyway.

Bringing the joint up to his lips, he takes a drag, only to end up going straight into a coughing fit, much to his embarrassment, and Mitch’s amusement. 

He can feel his cheeks burn as Mitch’s laughter meets his ears and all he can do is let out a slightly strangled, “Shut up!” as he passes the joint back.

“What?” Mitch asks around a chuckle. “That was funny!”

“Was not!” Louis denies, doing his best to suppress a pout. “I’m just— still getting used to it, that’s all.”

“Wanna try again?” Mitch takes another puff and holds the joint back out to him.

Louis tries again, only to end up with the same results, unsurprisingly.

Mitch laughs again, much to Louis’ chagrin.

“Yeah, yeah— Like you’ve never coughed before.”

Mitch has. He still does sometimes, but he isn’t about to tell Louis that.

“Whatever,” he says, taking the joint back.

That’s when a thought occurs to him.

“Hold up, I’ve got an idea.”

“What?” Louis asks, voice still slightly strained from coughing.

He watches as Mitch takes another drag, holding in the smoke, and the next thing he knows, Mitch is reaching forward, grasping Louis’ face in his hand, and leaning in.

Louis, tense and stiff, unsure what what else to do, opens his mouth to question what Mitch is doing, but before he can, smoke is being blown in his face.

He still coughs a little, but it’s nothing compared to before.

Louis hates the way he can feel his cheeks tingling, and he tries to convince himself that it’s just a side-effect of the weed. It certainly has nothing to do with just how close Mitch had just gotten to his face just then. He doesn’t even like Mitch like that. Oddly matched friends is all that they are as far as Louis is concerned.

“Shotgunning,” Mitch answers Louis’ unspoken question, and the smirk tugging at his lips tells Louis that the color of his cheeks must’ve been more noticeable than he’d like.

“I think I’ll just stick to—” 

“Hey!” 

Louis swears he’s never nearly jumped out of his skin so fast. He stares, wide-eyed over the edge of the building, seeing a cop below. This is not good for many reasons — far too many to list right now — and judging by Mitch’s sudden outburst of, ‘Oh, fuck!’ he seems to share that sentiment.

“Get down from there!”

Only a beat of silence passes before the two of them jump to their feet and take off running as fast as they can.

Mitch hurries down the ladder, jumping the rest of the way down when he’s halfway. Louis scrambles after him, nearly tripping on his way down. Despite his speed, however, he goes about it much safer, rushing all the way down as cautiously as he can, rather than jump like Mitch had. It’s nearly enough to bite him in the ass, however, as the cop who’d caught them on the rooftop rounds the corner and yells out to them again.

“Hey! Stop!”

They don’t stop. In fact, they only go faster.

Apparently, Louis isn’t running fast enough though, because Mitch is reaching back to snatch up his wrist, pulling him forward in an attempt to make him move even faster. Really, it does nothing more than make Louis trip up more times than he normally would.

But they keep running.

They zip past the corner, and turn down another alleyway, bobbing and weaving until they no longer hear the cop’s voice and footsteps behind them.

They both prop themselves up against two walls of an alley, opposite each other, fighting to catch their breath. Louis notes that his lungs burn as he inhales crisp, cool air, and soon enough, much like before, he’s coughing again.

“Holy shit—!” Mitch exclaims in a gasp. “A-are you okay—?”

Louis tries to respond amidst his coughing, but he can’t.

And then… He’s laughing — much to Mitch’s surprise — a product of the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

It dies down just enough for him to blurt out, “I can’t believe you pulled me out of bed for this! This bullshit !” And then the laughter is picking up again. He can’t stop.

A bewildered grin tugs at Mitch’s lips, and he finds that Louis’ laughter is so contagious that he can’t refrain from joining in.

#twdgdrabblechallenge #[ ;twdg ] #;;my writing #ch: louis #ch: mitch #ship: louitch #twdg #twdg louis #twdg mitch #twdg louitch

[katedoesfics]

Shadows of Hyrule | Chapter 53

The next day wasn't any easier for the Champions. The stares from their peers continued. They gossiped quietly among themselves, silencing only when one of them was near. Most of the students stayed away from them all together, but a few regarded them with respect and awe, speaking to them even though they had never spoken before. Still, the attention was unwanted, even from those who believed in what they were doing, and the end of the day couldn't come soon enough to provide them their needed escape.

Per Zelda's request, they met at the park after school, only then noticing Revali's absence. She sighed in annoyance when they realized no one had seen him all day, and calling his phone only brought Daruk to Revali's voicemail.

“We need to plan our next move,” Zelda said. “I think I've found some answers that could help us. He needs to be here.”

“Well, he's not answering,” Daruk said, his voice hard in frustration. “I can't make him appear.” To his surprise, his phone rang, but it was only Teba. He answered it, muttering under his breath, and listened as Teba spoke. “What?... For real?... Alright, we'll be right there.” He shoved his phone back into his pocket and sighed. “Revali's in jail.”

“Seriously?” Urbosa practically moaned.

“The cops picked him up in some parking lot with a case of empties throwing up on some chick's car. Teba's at the station trying to get ahold of his dad to bail him out.”

“Fucking idiot,” Link muttered.

“Come on,” Urbosa said with a sigh. “We should give Teba a hand.”

*****

By the time they reached the station, Teba had gotten through to Revali's father, and with only a small amount of begging, he agreed to bail his son out of jail once more. Revali leaned against Teba as Teba guided him out into the parking lot where the others waited outside their cars. They stopped for a moment as Revali heaved, but when nothing came out, they pressed on until they reached the cars.

“'Hanks, man,” Revali slurred. “Y-you're... good. Ma bes' friend.” Revali patted Teba's head and Teba rolled his eyes, irritated.

“The fuck is wrong with you,” Daruk said. “You couldn't get drunk at home?”

Revali shook his head lazily. “Nah, man. Can't. Ol' man kicked me out.”

Teba propped him up against the car. “What happened?”

Revali sighed and shrugged. His body swayed despite the support from the car. “I dunno.”

“He needs to get sober,” Daruk said.

“Can I – can I crash withya, man?”

“Yeah,” Teba said with a sigh. “Okay.”

“Teba,” Revali said.

“Yeah, dude?”

“I want out.”

“Out?”

Revali slid down the body of the car until he landed on the ground. He leaned his head back against the car door and turned his gaze to Link. “I can't.”

“Goddesses,” Urbosa muttered. She turned to Mipha. “Can't you heal this or something?”

Mipha shook her head. “I don't think so.” She sat on the ground beside Revali and he leaned against her, closing his eyes. Mipha patted his head.

“We're gonna die, you know,” Revali said. “I can't watch e'ryone die.”

“No one's gonna die,” Mipha said softly. “That's what I'm here for, right?”

Revali sighed. “This'n't as cool'z I thought it'd be.” He was quiet for a moment. “I'm scared.”

“Let's go, Captain Depressing,” Daruk said as he hoisted Revali to his feet. “Now I need a drink.” He passed Revali off to Teba and Teba pushed him into the passenger seat.

“I've got him,” he muttered, then, into the car, he said, “No more parking lots for you.”

Revali leaned his head back. “I'm gonna throw up all my insides,” he muttered.

“Please don't,” Teba said with a frown. “I like this car.”

“Are you sure you don't need any help?” Link asked.

“I'm fine. Thanks.” He slid into the driver's seat.

Urbosa sighed and shook her head. “Text us and let us know what's going on,” she said.

Teba nodded once. The car roared to life, and after pushing Revali off of him once more, he pulled out of the lot.

“Why did he kick you out?” Teba asked as he navigated the city.

“Mad,” Revali hiccuped. “Nuthin' I do's good 'nuff.” He sighed loudly. “Um only going to tha' dumb college 'uz his makin' me. Iss what 'e wants. Iss always been what he wanted.”

“It doesn't have to be like that,” Teba said.

“You don't get it,” Revali snapped. “Iss not... Iss not even about that.” He paused for a moment, groaning, and slunk down into the seat. “After the las' 'tack... After everything we've been through... We're all fucked. We're in way over our heads. An' I can't watch them get hurt anymore. We've all been on the brink of death. If it weren't for Mipha, we would have all died a long time ago.”

Teba's brows knit together, but he focused on the road, glancing only momentarily at Revali as he started to break down.

“Dad thinks... he thinks I'm dangerous,” Revali continued. “An' um an idiot. An' no son of his is gunna be playin' pretend with the king's dumb daughter. I told 'im ta go ta hell. 'E 'as no fuckin' clue wha's goin' on.” He paused. “He's disowned me. Um shit to him.”

“That's not... that's not true.”

“He took everythin',” Revali said. “Said if I didn't quit this fuckin' game, he'd take everythin'. An' he did. College kicked me out before I even started. Pulled my scholarship. Fuck, I bet he a'ready changed the house keys.” He hesitated. “I've got nothin' left. Even if we win this, what am I supposed ta do afta?”

Teba frowned. “Give yourself a curly-cue, put on some glasses, and get a day job?”

Revali snorted. “Funny.”

“Why does it matter right now?” Teba said. “You've got the rest of your life to figure that shit out.”

Revali only grunted in response. His eyes were closed in the passenger seat.

“Dude, don't pass out, or I'm leaving your ass in the car.”

“Mk.”

“I'm serious,” Teba continued. “I'm not dragging your ass in the house.”

“Mhm.”

Teba pulled into the driveway and put the car into park. He looked over at his friend who, despite his warnings, seemed to be out cold. Teba sighed and punched Revali in the arm. Revali grunted and opened his eyes. He pushed himself up in the seat, looked around for a moment, then opened the car door and tumbled to the ground.

Muttering to himself, Teba stepped out and moved around the car, pulling Revali to his feet. Revali burped and giggled, leaning against Teba.

“Hey, hey,” Revali whispered loudly. “Is Suki here? Can I say hi to Suki? Are you guys gonna fuck tonight?”

Teba rolled his eyes and guided Revali into the house. “No, Revali,” he muttered. “It's only Thursday. Suki has finals like we do next week.”

“Shit,” Revali spat. “Fuck finals, right?”

“Sure,” Teba said as he pushed him through the door. “Go to bed.”

“Your parents are gonna hate me, too,” Revali whined.

“They've always hated you,” Teba said with a grin.

“Aw, for real? Why? I'm a wonderful person.”

“Oh, yeah,” Teba said, rolling his eyes. “They love the fact that I've had to bail you out of jail twice already.”

“We should get an apartment together,” Revali said excitedly. “After graduation. We'll have all the babes.”

“Whatever you say, man.”

Revali hit Teba's shoulder repeatedly as he stumbled into the bedroom. “Fuck yeah!”

Teba pushed Revali onto the bed. Revali proceeded to pull his shirt off, but Teba punched him in the arm. “You're not sleeping naked in my bed,” he hissed.

“I always sleep naked!”

“I'll fucking kill you,” Teba muttered. “I swear to Hylia, Revali.”

Revali grunted and let himself fall onto the bed. Just as soon as his head hit the pillow, he started to snore lightly.

“Don't throw up on my bed, either.” But Teba's words were not heard. He sighed and made himself as comfortable as he could on the floor, making sure to keep out of the path of any projectile vomiting. Revali murmured in his sleep, then turned over with his back to Teba and curled up on the bed.

#legend of zelda #breath of the wild #fic #fanfic #loz #botw #shadows of hyrule #soh53

[writershapeholeonthedoor]

Unconventional Family - Chapter 3 - After

Chapter 1 - Before

Chapter 2 - During

Sumary:  “The way Cordelia looked at her made her go weak in the knees. She was about to die, she knew it and Cordelia also knew it. Madison had done a lot of fucked up things through life, most of them involving Cordelia, and yet the woman trusted her. She had no one else, she had no family, all she had was Cordelia and it had been like that for years now.”

Disclaimer: You might want to take care while reading this, there is mentions of violence, sexual abuse, drugs and alcohol use, and depression. Please, let me know if there are any grammatical mistake!

Read it at AO3

Seeing Cordelia again was like seeing the moon, at least, the calm feeling was the same. Madison knew it sounded like shit, but that’s how she felt. When she walked the big unsheltered land with Michael her heart was beating so fast that she almost fainted. The last time she saw Cordelia, the woman had those awefull scars around her eyes and she was still crying because Misty was dead. It has been what? A year? Two? So yes, she was nervous to see the woman again, even more after Queenie told her about her being the Supreme.

Madison wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t at least a little shocked about it, but she understood. Cordelia teached everything there was to know about magic. She teached her spells, potions, and history of magic, grabbed her by the hand and guided her in every step. She was surprised because the woman herself never showed too much ability in magic, not more than anyone else – even less than Madison for a while – but the younger blonde knew it was the best thing that ever happened to that Coven.

If Cordelia was still half the woman she was when Madison met her, she was going to protect the Coven with every bit of strenght left in her. Just when she spoted Myrtle’s wild red locks, Madison wondered what she would have done if it was her. If destiny made the mistake to choose Madison as the Supreme, would she do anything like Cordelia or would she just be another Fiona?

When Cordelia fainted, she got her answer. She would always have some of Fiona in her, no matter how hard she tried to change.

  Seeing Misty again was like seeing the sun, at least, the warm feeling was the same. Her body came back from nothing. It was air and suddenly she was there, and Madison couldn’t remember the last time she saw Cordelia smile so bright like in that moment. She was also happy, even if she was pretending she wasn’t, because, fucking shit, Misty was back. The woman looked exactly the same, even her old clothes, and it brought a nostalgic feeling that Madison wasn’t ready for.

Madison remembered about what Mallory told her in the time they were stuck doing some research in the library together. From everyone that was there before Cordelia raised as the Supreme, Zoe was the only one that managed to stay alive. Nan died, Misty died, Madison died, Queenie died. Cordelia lost girl after girl and now she had almost everyone back, of course she would be happy about it, but the way she was locking eyes with Misty had to mean something else and Madison knew it.

In fact, she was sure everyone in the room knew it.

  “Tomorrow is a big day.”

“Just the end of the world, not too much.” Madison was sarcastic as easily as she breathed, like a second nature.

Cordelia sighed, sitting by her side in the dirty porch to look at the swamps with her. They could see a few animals around the area, some half dead plants that weren’t receiving the care they needed and Myrtle, in the distance, talking by herself while she digged a hole - they would need three of those. “A common day at work.” The Supreme agreeded with a plain voice.

The emptyness in her voice made Madison considerer what exactly she was doing there, but she came with nothing. “Did you signed up for this shit?”

“They didn’t gave a manual, to be honest.” Cordelia frowned, shaking her head while tapping her fingers in her thighs. “I suppose the last Supreme should have done it, but she probably drank it.”

Madison couldn’t stop the scoff that came. Fiona was the most stupid bitch that ever walked on Earth and they all met LaLaurie. “Yes, well, she had a very large tolerance to it.”

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, watching Myrtle waving her hands to send the flies away while a frog approached her feet in fast jumps. “Madison, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“What do you mean? From the Apocalypse? To be fear, you didn’t saved anyone yet.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, suddenly amused. “Yes, sorry I couldn’t save you from the one thing I can’t do anything about.”

“So... what are we doing here anyway?”

“Converting it in a spa, what do you thought we were doing?”

Madison laughed, before reaching her side to grab the cigarette pack. She lighted one using her power and blew the smoke away. “Nice one.”

The Supreme also giggled and looked down to her feets, deep in mud, with a grimace. “I’m serious, though. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to save you from Fiona, from Spalding, from Kyle and from Michael now. It seems like all I have done in life was let people down somehow... you specifically.”

The younger girl took a deep breath, feeling an ache in her chest that wasn’t there before. It was new to feel anything other than emptyness since she came back to life the first time, so, even if it was painful, it was welcome. “I’m pretty sure nothing of this was your fault.”

“Fiona was my mother and she killed you, Spalding lived under my roof, I let Kyle stay and I provoked Michael enough for him to decided to blow the world away, so I have to desagree with you.” Cordelia shrugged.

Madison remained in silence until her cigarette was gone. She wanted to smoke another one, but stay in a hole in the ground for Goddess knows how long smelling like that would be more torture than she was willing to sign up for. “I made my life choices.”

“You were young, Madison.”

“I wouldn’t have listened to you if you tried.” The girl took a while to hug her knees to her chest. “Besides, nothing of this matters. We’re going to die anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” Cordelia turned her face to look at her. The woman’s eyes were filled with tears that they both knew were about to fall and she held so many feelings in them that Madison was uncapable of looking away. “I’m sorry I let all of that happen to you and I’m sorry so much more will happen. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to send you with Mallory and Coco, I’m sorry you will have to go throught this with me. Sometimes I still see you holding your suitcase in front of the Academy, waiting for me.”

“Don’t go there, Cordy.” Madison shook her head. “The last thing we need is this pity party going on here. There was nothing you could do and it dosen’t matter anymore, the Antichrist is right in the corner.” She sighed heavly. “Besides, I rather be here than in some bunker under the floor.”

‘With you’ was implied, but Cordelia saw it in Madison’s green eyes.

  "I will hold him back as long as I can." Madison was scared, her body was shivering and the cold sweat was not helping her situation, but she knew she had to do it.

Coco wouldn't do it, they needed Mallory and Cordelia to be alive to perform the spell, and Myrtle would be more useful than Madison, so yes, it had to be her. Besides, she was already holding the gun. Madison knew she was going to die again, she wasn't strong enough to hold the Antichrist - no one could probably - and death was the only way out.

She really wasn't expecting Cordelia to react the way she did. The Supreme, her mentor, walked towards her and placed a soft hand im her cheeks. The look in her eyes were something Madison have not see for a very long time and it made her heart skeep a beat: pride. And love. Cordelia was proud of her, for what exactly Madison wasn't sure, because she literally was doing one good thing between all the fucked up shit she ever done. Madison felt like she didn't deserved that feeling, even if she was enjoying it.

"Go." Her voice was a little weak, not at all holding the strenght she wanted and it wasn't helping that it made Cordelia's eyes softer. "Go."

The way Cordelia looked at her made her go weak in the knees. She was about to die, she knew it and Cordelia also knew it. Madison had done a lot of fucked up things through life, most of them involving Cordelia, and yet the woman trusted her. She trusted her to sent Madison to the Murder House to find informations about Michael, she trusted Madison to go back to the Coven even after she had done, and she trusted Madison now, even if she had no reason to. The younger blonde realized, just there, with Michael’s body behind her, blood all over the place, and Cordelia soft face right in front of her, that the Supreme was the only person she had in the world. She had no one else, she had no family, all she had was Cordelia and it had been like that for years now.

Suddenly, Madison wished she had agreeded with the ice cream the last time Cordelia asked. She would gave up everything to go back and accept it.

“I’m sorry.” Madison didn’t even realized she said it until Cordelia took a step closer, caressing her cheek with her thumb. “Delia, go.”

  It was the second time she woke up and found Misty right in front of her. It wasn’t the way she wanted it to be, but at least it was Misty and not Michael, so she was not going to complain about it.

“Hey, Maddie.” Misty had a huge smile while waving at Madison like she was across the street and not right in her face.

“Don’t call me like that.” Madison’s voice was a little hoarse, like she hadn’t used it for a while. She took a deep breath and started to get up, ignoring Misty’s hands trying to help her. Once she was up, she saw Cordelia standing right behind Misty with teary eyes and crossed arms looking like she was trying to hug herself. Mallory was also there and she had a shy smile that didn’t fit her. “Family reunion, I see.”

Cordelia ran to her before Madison could think about what she was doing. The woman huged her strongly and warm, holding Madison against her body like she was afraid the girl would disappear. “Oh, Madison.” She was crying.

Oh, boy. Madison hugged her back, even if she was blushing a little, and looked at Misty, who had a happy smile while watching them. “Ok, enough.” The former actress wiggled out of the hug and took a few steps back to creat some distance.

Cordelia wasn’t having it, so she just kept Madison’s hand in hers. “How are you feeling? Are you ok?”

“I feel like I had just come back from Hell again.” Madison rolled her eyes. “And I need a cigarette.” Before she could move, Misty reached her arm to her and Madison saw she was holding a cigarette packet towards her. Madison grabbed it once Cordelia released her. “I don’t know who went to get me, but fuck you.”

Misty giggled, but Cordelia didn’t enjoyed the joke. “You need to rest, come on, you can have your old room.”

Madison held her back by her hand when Cordelia tried to walk away. “Actually... do you want to go to the ice cream shop?” She didn't know why she asked, especially because there was other people around, but the proud look in Cordelia's face right before she sacrificed herself flashed in her eyes and she knew she did the right thing.

  “Love is a very hard thing to find, Madison, and, when you do, you don’t want to lose any time.” Cordelia had a sad smile that made Madison’s heart ache for her, suddenly feeling sorry for her mentor. “Believe in me.”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Cordy.” Madison knew, of course she knew. Since she came back, five weeks before, all she had done was follow Zoe around with puppy eyes that reminded everyone of Kyle, like she was desesperate for the girl to notice something that she wasn’t ready to say out loud.

“Just keep that in mind.” Cordelia leaned over the table to squeeze Madison’s hand that wasn’t holding the ice cream cone. “I lost a long time just because I was scared and I don’t want you to pass for the same strugle.”

Madison sighed, unconfortable with the conversation and where it was leading. She knew what was the right thing to do, but that never meant she would do it. Her life was a mistake after the other. “You never told who brought me back.”

The Supreme ate a bit of her own ice cream before answering. “Mallory did.”

“And what was Swampie doing there?”

“She wanted to.” Cordelia shrugged. “She was with me when Mallory told us.”

“Told you what?”

Her mentor took a few seconds to respond, not very sure how honest she should be. “About the Apocalypse and everything that happened before, during and after. She told us she negotiated to take Misty out and... not you.”

Madison knew the girl wasn’t her fan, most people hated her and she was used to that by now, but it was a little fucked up to leave her in Hell just because of that. But again, she did killed Misty at some point so... “Maybe she had a reason to.”

“It dosen’t matter what she thought, Madison. She was wrong. She should had took you out with Misty the second she got the chance and we both made it very clear to her.” Cordelia shook her head, showing how disappointed she still was. “Misty said she should go get you imediatly and she wasn’t going to leave until you was out of Hell, that’s why she was there.”

Madison took a deep breath, rolled her shoulders once, and tapped the floor with her foot, all nervous habits, before nodding. “Well, Hell wasn’t fun so... I’m glad someone did.”

  Zoe’s head was laying her head in her lap, eyes closed and a soft hum leaving the back of her throat in pleasure because of the hand caressing her hair. Madison was looking at her like she was a pure miracle – the more beautiful and cute miracle in the world. Cordelia had her good moments of advice master, not that she needed to know that. Zoe had one of her hands around Madison’s thigh, while holding Madison’s free hand with the other, making sure they were touching each other in every place possible for their position.

“Cordelia wanted to talk with me today.” Zoe said out of sudden, trying to move only slightly because she was too confortable.

“She always wants to talk with everyone everytime.” Madison joked, poking the brunette’s nose.

Zoe giggled and turned around so she was facing the girl’s stomach. When she thought it couldn’t get better... Madison was so fucking soft, not fair. “She mom me.”

“She what?” The former actress let a nervous laugh scape. “Is that some sexual shit?”

“Gross.” Zoe sneered. “No! I meant she gave me the ‘mom’ talk.”

“And what exactly is that?”

“She told me that if I ever hurt you, I’m in trouble.”

Madison was surprised by it. To be honest, she thought she would be the one being told to be a perfect gentleman towards Zoe or she would be kicked in the butt, not the other way around. She had no clue that would happen or even why Cordelia thought she needed to do that.

“When is my time to go?” She was using sarcasm again, because that’s how she manage to go through most things in life.

Zoe smiled softly. “She cares about you, Mad. I’m fine with having Cordelia as my mother in law, she’s nice and we won’t have to travel to visit her in holidays.”

“Shut up.” Madison rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She was glad Zoe still had her eyes closed so she wouldn’t see that she was blushing.

“Besides, I’m too much of an angel for you to do anything wrong, so no talk for you.”

  "Hey, Supreme." Madison walked inside Cordelia's office like it was her own, without knocking or waiting for an invitation.

Cordelia was used to that by that point, but that didn't stoped her from jump in her chair when the door suddenly opened. "Hello, Madison. What do I owe the pleasure of your presence this early in the morning? Did Zoe kicked you out?"

"She does that everynight, but no." Madison scoffed, sitting in the big confortable chair in front of Cordelia's desk. "I thought about what you asked me."

That made Cordelia stop completly, dropping her papers and pen, and taking her glasses out. "Okay." She considered it for a second. "Did you made up your mind?"

"I could do it." Madison nodded, crossing her arms in her chest. "And, to be honest, you could use someone who's good looking in your council."

"I will let Zoe know it." Cordelia laughed.

"Oh, please. She already kicked me out for tonight, you can't make it worse." The younger girl joked and rolled her eyes.

The Supreme watched closely how the girl's face started to get more and more serious, and a very know glow showed up in her eyes. Madison was about to say something that made her unconfortable. "But...?" She offered.

Madison sighed. "Why would you want me to be a part of your council?" She tried to act cool about it, but Cordelia could see that she cared with the answer. "I mean, Zoe and Queenie are teachers, it makes sense that they're your council. I was just wondering."

Cordelia hummed, before agreeing with a nod. "Yes, it does makes sense. Well, Madison, why do you think you couldn't be a part of this council?"

The younger blonde shrugged. "I don't know." Cordelia arched her eyebrowns at her. "I don't think I have anything to offer. I'm not a teacher, technically I'm not even a part of the coven since I'm also not a student."

"You are a part of this coven just like any other girl." Cordelia jumped quickly to stop her. "You're not a student, but you were once, and you're a witch, and you will be a part of this coven as long as you want." The Supreme's voice was sharp and it was clear to Madison that the subject wasn't open to discussion. "And I think that you could have some thoughts that could help us, so that's why I want you to be in my council."

"I don't see how, but..." Madison added quickly before Cordelia could say anything: "I'm not saying no, I'm just going to suggest you something."

Cordelia also crossed her arms, a proud smirk in the corner of her mouth. "What is it?"

"I'm going to college."

"What?" That took the older woman completly out of guard, her eyebrowns shot up in surprise.

Madison almost laughed. "You think I can't?"

"No, no, no, it's not it!" Cordelia jumped in her chair, moving her hands nervously. "I just... wasn't expecting it."

"Yes, well, me neither." She joked and shrugged. "I was thinking about it for a few weeks now, not that I thought I would ever do it, but Zoe told me I should try if I want."

Cordelia smiled and got up, walking around her desk to sit in the chair by Madison's side. "Zoe is right."

"As always, but don't tell her that."

The Supreme laughed, throwing her head in delighty. "I think she already knows that, but sure, I will let you live in the illusion." She shook her head, still smiling like crazy. "So what do you want to do in college?"

"Ideally, party." Cordelia rolled her eyes, making Madison grin. "Joking, geez. I want to go to law school."

"Law school? Where did that came from?"

"Remember when I asked you if you ever wanted to do anything besides work in here?"

"Yes, I remember that. We lost the falling star." The Supreme smiled to the memory.

"Not my fault, but anyway... I didn't thought much about it back then, I never thought about the future, to be honest. But recently..." Madison took a deep breath. "Recently I started to think about it."

"Can I ask what caused this change?" She didn't had to wait for the answer, because when the girl blushed she knew exactly what happened. "Did I ever told you that Zoe Benson is a blessing?"

A even darker shade of red coloured Madison's skin and she bit her lip before recovering her composture. "What do you think? This way I could help in the Academy and not be just a part of the council. I know we're expending a lot of money with lawyers, and they don't know magic and us, so I thought I could help out... with that."

"Is that really what you want to do?" Cordelia leaned in her chair, resting her elbows in her knees, to hold the girl's hands in hers.

"I think so, yes." Madison never sounded so insecure before and, if the subject wasn't so serious, Cordelia could have squeezed her cheeks like a baby.

"Ok." Cordelia nodded with a soft smile. "I will help you with the college application. This Coven will be more than pleased to pay for your education, since it's for us." She thought how silly she was for almost cry in front of Madison, but she never felt so proud before. "And if you ever decides you want more, you want to go out and have your own office or something, I won't hold that against you. I'm the only one stuck here." She joked.

Madison rolled her eyes. "Like you're complaining."

"Never." Cordelia dropped her hands and got up. "Now, come on, give me a hug."

"No way."

"Yes way!" The Supreme laughed happly. "I'm so proud of you, Madison."

"I didn't even started yet. Maybe no usiversity will want me."

"They're fools if they do that. Besides, I'm proud because you finally saw a future for yourself like I always had. So, please, give this old lady a hug already!"

  “Heya." Misty, as always, had a big smile and was almost dancing instead of walking, but Madison had come to terms with that - she would pretend to be annoyed, but find it cute secretly. "What'cha doing?"

"Pancakes." Madison huffed, rolling her eyes. "What do you think I'm doing?"

Misty looked over the desk to the dozens of papers spread on the surface. "That seems like a very complicated recipe."

The former actress opened her mouth to say something, and be rude, when she realized the other woman was just mocking her. "What do you want, Swampie? I'm busy, I have a test tomorrow."

"Zoe told me. She said I should stay away."

"You should also listen to her." Madison whispered, turning the page in her book. "Why are you here?"

"I want to help you." Misty shrugged, putting both of her hands behind her back and bouncing in her feets like a small child waiting for the treat.

Madison scoffed. "Yes, right, go away then."

"When I was a kid..."

"Oh, here we go."

Misty ignored her. "I used to be very bad in math... in fact, I'm still very bad in math. Anyway, momma..."

"The one that burned you at the stake?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "That one. She used to help me to study by using cards."

"I already have plenty of those, so you can leave now." Madison grabbed a pile of papers and colored cards from the table to make her point, before dropping them with a little too much strenght. Zoe actually helped her with those. College was taking a lot from her. She spent all week away to attend her classes and would be back by friday night, tired and stressed, only to find her girlfriend ready to cover her with kisses and gentle words. Zoe would even go throught her books and make her some flashcards when she had some time.

"Yes, but no one is helping ya. That's why I'm here!"

The younger girl stared at her for a total of eight seconds, before saying: "fuck off." Misty only nodded and pulled the chair in front of Madison with a sarcastic smile, sitting down and putting her hands behind her head. "Where are we starting?"

Madison would never admit she thanked Misty when she got every fucking question right.

  "I promissed Zoe I would wait until dessert, but what the hell is this?"

Zoe quickly used the back of her hand to smack Madison's thigh. "You couldn't wait even five minutes?"

"They're the ones who called us for dinner in private." The blonde deffended herself. "Don't say no one was thinking about asking." Madison’s graduation was just a few days ahead and she still had some finals to study to, so it would be great if they could do it a little bit faster.

"Some of us have manners." Queenie shot back, arching her eyebrown.

"Girls." Cordelia interjected and rolled her eyes. "We will tell you after dinner." She promissed, moving to take her glass closer to her.

"You're pregnant." Madison accused before she could move. Zoe and Queenie looked like Jesus had just popped in the table, while Cordelia was the perfect image of a deer in the red lights.

"What?! Is this true?!" Zoe asked, ready to rise from her chair and run to her Supreme.

Cordelia layed back in her chair and crossed her arms, looking at Madison with a grin. "If Madison wasn't so impatiente..." the woman accused. "Yes, I am."

"Holy fuck!" Queenie shouted.

"Language!" Was all Cordelia could say before finding herself stuck in a bear hug between Queenie and Zoe.

Madison watched with studying eyes while they laughed and cried together, before moving her eyes to Misty, who was watching her with a glad smile. They locked eyes, neither of them dared to move, and stayed like that until Zoe snapped them out of it.

"Maddie, isn't that great?" Save the girl's soul, trying to help Madison to be nice.

"Just peach." The former actress said and got up. There was an old feeling rushing back in her guts and she wanted to leave before she said anything out of pain that she would regret later. She felt abandoned all over again.

Madison managed to get to the porch and pull out a cigarette before anyone could find her. She sighed when she saw the coloured dress with the corner of her eyes, because the last thing she wanted was someone who could understand her. She didnt wanted to talk, she didn't wanted to think about the unwelcome feeling. She knew she didn't had the right.

But Misty didn't said anything when she sat by her side, even if Madison was still on her feets, the Cajun only stayed there, looking at the street and the people that walked by, being a strong presence, even if she was trying not to be.

Madison only spoke after her third cigarette and Misty didn't tried to stop her at any point. "I'm happy for you."

"I know. So does Delia, I'm sure." The wild-haired woman, as always, was holding her gentle smile in place, her eyes shinning bright when she spoke. "How do you feel about being a older sister?"

Madison let a shaken breath rush out with a nervous laugh. She turned her head so she could look at the woman with blue eyes and her snap comment died in her throat. Misty's eyes were loving, something only two other people did towards her, and Madison almost cried. A thought rushed in her mind and she blushed a little. Mallory, the girl that turned the Academy upside down, looked like a copy of Misty, except for her eyes. The girl could be her daugther with Cordelia and no one would be surprised, she had Misty's looks and Cordelia's mind. But, as much as the girl looked like them, so did Madison, in a way. She imagined a small little blonde girl running around the house or hugging Cordelia's legs, actually their kid, and Madison sighed again.

"Maddie." Misty called softly. The girl only arched her eyebrown, wanting to show her to talk. "How do you feel about being an older sister?"

Madison knew that she was asking more than just if she was happy with the news. She wanted to know if Madison was in the same page with them. She was. "Happy."

  “I have never being prouder.” Cordelia’s voice was right in her ear, warm and carying, making Madison’s heart swollen in happiness, while her arms were around the girl so hard that it suppressed her attempts to pull away.

Misty was right behind the Supreme, her same happy smile in place, a hand in Cordelia’s shoulder and the other one in Madison’s. “Ya did it! The first one to graduate in the family!”

“Oh my God!” Cordelia shouted in her ear. “It’s true!”

Madison rolled her eyes, shooting a ‘help me’ look to Zoe, but the girl only laughed at her face. “Yes, well, if you all wouldn’t be so lazy...” She offered and tried to brush both of them off, but they weren’t having it.

“Madison...” Cordelia pulled away only enough to put both of her hands in Madison’s face. For a second, she saw the lost sixteen years girl who showed up in front of her house someday, and it only made her cry harder. “I love you so much, sweetie. You did it! I’m so proud!”

“Fuck.” Madison blushed hard and tried to push her away, but Cordelia only hugged her again. “Ok, people are staring.”

“I don’t give a shit!”

“Please, stop crying.” The younger blonde was slightly in panic with the comotion and Queenie didn’t waste a second to laugh out loud in her face.

“I just think how fun it is that the girl is not even born yet and she will have a lawyer to beat up. Cordelia should have being faster.”

“You’re jealous.” Madison mumbled under her breath, raising her middle finger towards the black girl.

Misty jokingly slapped her hand, before pulling Cordelia and her in her arms, taking advantage of how much taller she was then both of them. “Let’s celebrate!”

Madison was sure that her idea of celebration involved Stevie Nicks and there was no way in hell she would do that, so she finally managed to wiggle out of their hugs, rushing towards Zoe to ocuppy her arms before the older womans could do that to her again. “I’m fine, thanks.” Zoe giggled, hidding her face in Madison’s hair.

“No way! This is very important, we need to have a proper celebration.” Cordelia was now hugging Misty, both were crying, still staring at Madison like she was some sort of Goddess.

Madison looked at them, then to Zoe, and a fullfill feeling rushed towards her body. Her heart was full, her soul was happy. She was home. “What about... ice cream?”

#ahs #american horror story #madison montgomery #cordelia foxx #cordelia goode #misty day #zoe benson #queenie #nan #mallory #coco st. pierre vanderbilt #ahs fanfic #fanfic #ahs imagine #imagine ahs #unconventional family #family #love #foxxay #zadison #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #american horror story coven #american horror story apocalypse #emma roberts #sarah paulson #lily rabe #taissa farmiga

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 

#asks #💥 anon #WE ARE WRITING NOVELS HERE BABE LOL !!!!

[coyoteimagines]

About Time - Pacific Rim

i DEMAND not ask DEMAND a part two to Her Smile - Pacific Rim. Can we get to first base here now? i it was super dupper over dupper awesome! i was prancing around reading it! the fluff was kill me :D please please make a part two with a proper kisssssssssss *MWAH*

AN: This is a sequel to Her Smile which you can read here

AW: Explosion-y. Little bit of blood.

You couldn’t count the number of times you found yourself standing in the back of the control room, arms crossed tightly across your chest, trying to remain calm. Officially you were there to monitor the active Jaeger’s electrical systems and to provide technical assistance in the event of minor malfunctions. Unofficially, you were there so you could keep an eye on Chuck Hansen.

Since that night a few months ago, when you had kissed his cheek in a spur of the moment gesture of gratitude, you and Chuck had become close. You had worked up the courage to sit next to him in the cafeteria, even though he was famous for wanting to eat alone. But he didn’t seem to mind, he even seemed pleased. He had started showing up at your late night rewiring sessions, waiting around with his dog until you were done, and then offering to walk you back to your room. For safety, he explained. Soon you were eating all you meals together, even going to a few rec activities together.

But neither of you had confessed how you felt about the other. And how you felt right now was scared to death. Your eyes darted between the computer screens. One showed Herc and Chuck inside the flight deck of Striker, another showed a black and white feed of seemingly calm ocean. You heard nothing other than the thud of your own heartbeat before a static laden voice filled the control room.

“Control this is Striker. Confirmed Kill. Confirmed Kill.” Herc Hansen called through the radio.

“Roger that Striker. Come on home.” Someone called back. You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding, relief flooding through you. You almost missed the days when you couldn’t stand Chuck, instead of spending so much time worrying about him. He was a distraction, but…he was a distraction that you couldn’t imagine living without anymore.

You left the control room and headed down to the Jaeger bay. You were joined quickly by the rest of your crew, ready to start on any needed repairs as Striker was loaded back into its dock. You gave a quick smile and wave at Chuck as he stepped out. He nodded with a smile back at you before continuing with his father up into the debrief room.

“Alright people. We have structural damage to the right arm and cabling damage near the reactor housing in addition to the usual refit. Let’s get this done!” You called out to the group of J-Crew mechanics and techs in front of you. Most of them nodded and began heading out to start the repairs. You heading for a storage room off the main bay and began lifting spools of wire onto a cart when you heard a few shouts from the main bay. An alarm began blaring and you started to move towards the doorway of the storage room. You didn’t make it more than two steps when the door to the room shattered inward with an immense explosion and you were flung against the shelves of wire, vision going black.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before your senses came back to you and you sat up with a groan. Your ears were ringing and you blinked away the white stars that filled your vision. You felt like someone was sitting on your chest.

Disoriented, you stood and stumbled toward the shattered door. Clutching an arm across your stomach as a sudden pain tore through you. You clutched the remains of the door frame and stood in disbelief as you took in the scene in the main bay. Thick black smoke billowed up and hung like dark clouds against the high ceiling. The entire bay smelled like burning oil. People were running in every direction, some covered in black soot…some in blood. Everyone was yelling. You took a few shaky steps forward and fell to your knees just as a voice tore through the chaos.

“Y/N!? Y/N!!?!”

You turned to Chuck’s voice just as he caught sight of you. You watched as he sighed with relief and began running toward you. He reached you just as your vision went black again.

The next time you opened your eyes, you were staring up at white painted metal pipes running across an otherwise barren ceiling. You sat up and immediately gasped at the ache in your midsection. This startled the man sitting next to your bed to attention.

“Hey hey hey. Take it easy!” Chuck said, standing up.

“What happened?” You groaned. Chuck sat carefully on the edge of the bed next to you.

“Kaiju loving freaks. Those insane fanatics. Planted some sort of bomb in the last fuel shipment.” His jaw clenched as he spoke. He didn’t like the Kaiju cultists before, but this brought him into a whole new territory of hate.

“Was anyone hurt?” You asked.

“Yeah. You. You broke two ribs. Scared the shit out of me.” His voice grew softer.

“You know what I meant.” You closed your eyes, riding a wave of pain.

“We got lucky. No fatalities. A couple really serious burns. A lot of people knocked out like you.” He explained, watching your face as it twitched in discomfort.

“What about Striker?” You mumbled. Beside you, he let out a chuckle.

“You could have been killed and you’re worried about a Jaeger?” He shook his head, smiling. You cracked an eye open to look at him.

“All I do in life is worry about that Jaeger.” You said, “And the pilots inside it.”

“My old man will be flattered to hear it.”

You rolled your eye and shut it again. Chuck hesitated for a moment before reaching for one of your hands.

“Seriously. You don’t know how much I appreciate having someone who cares waiting for me every time I go out.” He began rubbing small circles against your palm. “I… Im not good at…expressing feelings. But when I heard the alarms all I could think about was you and then the explosion and I thought for sure I’d never get to tell you how I feel.”

Your eyes fluttered open and you looked at him. The cocky pilot looked…almost scared as he stared at your hand.

“I love you.” He said, gulping as he lifted his eyes to yours.

“Are you uh…going to say anything?” He looked suddenly worried.

You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck. You caught his lips between yours in a light and tender kiss. His hands drifted around your back as he deepened the kiss, nearly sucking the air from you as fast as you could breathe it in. You winced and gasped against his lips as a twinge of pain shot through your ribs. He pulled back immediately.

“I’m sorry, are you ok?” He said, lifting a hand to your cheek. You leaned against it and smiled weakly, nodding.

“I had hoped that this moment would have a lot less pain and…a lot less clothing.” You trailed a finger down his chest as your other arm clutched your ribs.

“Does that mean you love me too?” He growled, smirking as he leaned forward. He dropped his hand from your face and rested it gently on your thigh. He rested his forehead against yours.

“Yea. I love you.” you mumbled, stealing another quick peck.

“Then you need to get better really quick. Because I have been dreaming about you...and me for four months and it’s driving me crazy. You make me crazy.” He rubbed a thumb over your jaw, grinning.

“You make ME crazy Jaeger boy.” You mumbled, dropping your head against his shoulder. He began to laugh as he carefully lifted his hands to the back of your neck. You breathed deeply, appreciating the faint scent of salty ocean air that clung to Chuck’s shirt.

From the other end of the medical center, Herc Hansen bent down and patted Max. The dog panted happily.

“It’s about damn time.” He whispered to the dog.

#Pacific Rim #pacific rim imagine #chuck #chuck hansen #chuck x reader #chuck hansen x reader #fluff #blood #explosions #kisses

[phangirlof]

Exposed

Description: Sometimes the guys can’t keep secrets. Sometimes that’s okay.

Genre: Fluff, High School! AU

Pairing: Oh Sehun x reader

Word Count: 2,779

I’d been here at Baekhyun’s house for two hours, listening to the guys drone on and on about lame guy stuff. I didn’t quite know what they were talking about right now. I had tuned them all out awhile ago. It was me and four of the guys: Jongin, Chanyeol, Baek, and Kyungsoo. I loved them, but not enough to listen to them talk about… sports?

“But yo, when are tryouts?” I heard Chanyeol ask to no one in particular. Baekhyun answered almost immediately. “Next Thursday, but you have to have an updated physical and gear.” Chanyeol groaned. “That’s not even the best part. The gear has to be brand new. Literally fresh off the shelves and directly to the field or you practically won’t be allowed to tryout.” Baek’s statement made Chan groan louder. “Ugh, I hate tryout season. Like honestly, what’s wrong with the gear we already have? I literally replaced all my equipment last season. More importantly, what if we don’t even make the team. Then we have all this spanky new gear for nothing!” He ranted.

Kyungsoo spoke next. He didn’t speak often when they had conversations like this, but when he did it was good. “You suck at baseball, so you’re the only one that has to worry about that.” This made all the guys erupt into laughter, and even I broke out into a small giggle. Chan’s face turned red, partly from embarrassment. “Aye, leave him alone. At least he can make it to tryouts Mr.I’m-too-scared-to-tryout-for-basketball-so-I’m-just-gonna-hideout-in-the-library.” Kyungsoo gave Jongin a death glare. “That’s not what happened you doof. I had a stupid research paper to finish and the coaches made me go to the library to work on it.” Jongin cowered as Kyungsoo spoke. I didn’t know why though. Jongin was the only one that could get away with saying stuff like that it him. It was obvious that he had a soft spot for him. “Yeah, leave him alone guys. Besides, even if he could try out, he’s too short to make a basket.” Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate to jerk on a strand of Baekhyun’s hair as the guys burst into another bout of laughter. The digs the guys got on Kyungsoo was what usually got them the most riled up, mainly because it didn’t happen often seeing as how nobody wanted to get killed by one of his death stares.

I honestly couldn’t stand listening to them go on. “Can you guys not be so boring? I’m practically falling asleep.” All the guys looked at me with playful annoyance. “Did we ask you to speak?” Baekhyun asked, mocking a face of disgust. “Cause I don’t recall.”

“Aye, I don’t recall asking for permission to speak, not that I’d let any of you losers to grant me that right.”

The guys all let out in a chorus of “Ooooo.” Chanyeol was next to speak.“So sassy.” Baekhyun mumbled something under his breath right after him. I didn’t quite catch it all, but I caught some of it. “No wonder… on you…”

“Would you like to say that again Baek? Maybe a little louder?” I said, mocking a stern tone we’d all heard Baekhyun’s mother use with him. He was quite the sassafrass. He was constantly getting in trouble with his parents because he couldn’t stop himself from saying something sarcastic or snarky. He rolled eyes. “I SAID, NO WONDER OUR SASSY MAKNAE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!” He shouted even though we were all barely two feet away from each other. “Smartass.” I huffed crossing my arms. The guys got back into their previous conversation. I snatched my phone up from its place on the table behind us. I started mindlessly scrolling through social media. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular, I just wanted something to prevent me from going completely insane while the guys talked about… hockey?

I grabbed one of the cups off the table, and took a big gulp of the fizzy soda. No wonder our sassy maknae likes you. Baekhyun’s words from earlier popped back into my mind causing me to spit my drink out. It flew from my mouth and straight from my nostrils too. “Eww Y/n, what the fuck?” Chanyeol squealed. For someone so manly, he sure did squeal and scream alot. “sEHUN LIKES ME?!?!” Chanyeol nodded. He and Jongin started wiping the soda off the table, Baekhyun was drying himself off, and Kyungsoo had moved to the other side of the room. He’d just barely avoided getting soda spit on him because he had gotten up to fix himself more drink at the same time soda was spewing from my nose.

“He’s had feelings for you since like practically day one.” Jongin said just as he finished wiping off the table. “Yeah.” Baekhyun agreed. “It’s so obvious too. He’s always drooling over you when we’re all together.” My jaw dropped. There was no way in hell, Sehun, of all people, liked me. I had a major crush on him, and the universe was never ever kind enough to let your crush reciprocate feelings. I got a rag from the laundry room, wet it, and made sure the table was clean. Once I was done, I threw the rag back at Baekhyun for him to put it where it goes. Anytime any of us tried to help him straighten up the place he got upset.

“You guys can’t be serious.” I said. The guys loved to joke around, so I wholeheartedly believed this was another one of their pranks. “You should see the way he looks at you.” Kyungsoo stated, making his way back to the table once he was sure it was clean. “And when you’re not around, we can never get him to shut up about you. Y/n, this. Y/n, that. Makes me wanna slap the kid sometimes.” Jongin added. Something in me still didn’t quite believe them, but regardless I spilled my own feelings to them. “Well, I sorta maybe have feelings for him too.” I whispered, covering my face as soon as the words had left my lips.

“OH MY GOD! WE CAN SET YOU TWO UP!” Baekhyun screamed, jumping up and down in the process. Matchmaker, one of his favorite things to do. “No! He doesn’t know.” I said, feeling my face heat up. I knew exactly how the guys were, now that we were on this topic it would be awhile before we were on to something else. “You didn’t know how he felt about you, but look at you now.” Chanyeol said, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders as if this wasn’t sort of big deal. “Bye Yeollie, that’s different.” I whined, I was way too chicken to tell Sehun about my tiny, huge, crush on him. “Honestly, I’m content with him never knowing.” Before I had the chance to say anything else, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Jongdae.

From Dae: Okay but like dont hate me

From Dae: butttttttttttttttttt

From Dae: Something may or may not have slipped…

“I say you just waltz up to him and tell him how you feel.” Jongin suggested from his seat across from me at the table. “Jongin, that’s lame.” I said, quickly replying to the ominous text message I’d just received.

To Dae: Explain

“Or you could have one of us tell him, like me for example?” Baekhyun said, I was looking at him, but I could tell he was wearing the biggest grin of his life. “You only want to do it because you like being in other people’s business.” His first reply was a scoff. “Not true, I enjoy being kind and helping others around me.”

From Dae: SOOOO likeeeee

From Dae: I love you Y/n, you know that right??

I was starting to get impatient. What had he done this time? “Text him.” “Call him.” “Meet up with him. “Send him a letter.” “Send him an email.” “Send him a snapchat.” “Post in on Instagram.” “Slide in his DM’s.” The guys just starting shouting out suggestions. I couldn’t help but giggle as some of the options started to get ridiculous.

From Dae: Hunnie knows you like him

From Dae: dont kill me pls

I screamed as I typed out my reply. Jongdae was one of the first, and for a while the only, people to know about my crush on Sehun. The other was Yixing.

To Dae: HWO DOES SOEMTHIN LIKE THAT JUSST SLIP?!?!???!!??! >

To Dae: UGH im so gonna punch you next time I see you

To Dae: ur such a punk, i hate you

I didn’t notice, but the guys, all except for Baekhyun who moved to the other room to take a phone call, had moved behind me to peek over my shoulder. They were reading my messages. “Whelp, looks like you don’t even gotta worry about telling him now.” Chanyeol laughed, ruffling my hair, something he knew I hated with a passion. I punched his shoulder for revenge. “Leave me alone you crusty heathen.” I said, pushing the red haired giant away from me. He stumbled, and hit his side on the kitchen counter. I could tell the blow to his hip hurt, Chanyeol burst into a fit of giggles. He was so odd.

“Hey guys,” Baekhyun said. He tossed his phone back on the table, where it was pre-phone call. “Sehun and the others are coming over. Also what do you guys want to eat.” The four shouted food suggestions at Baekhyun. I didn’t understand how he understood all the clamour, but I was more focused on the fact that Sehun would be here any minute

From Dae: i luv you tho :’(

From Dae: Also we’re coming to Baek’s

Hearing the fact again made me scream.

To Dae: I KNOW

I pretty much continued screaming even though about thirty minutes had passed. I screamed even more when I heard a knock on the door. Luckily it only turned out to be the pizza we had ordered. We were supposed to wait for everyone to get here, but I was so anxious it was making me hungry. I ended up scarfing down close to a whole pizza by myself.

We always get like five orders of breadsticks, and I ate about one and a half of those. They weren’t even that good, but I was so nervous to see Sehun I couldn’t stop myself. I actually began pacing around the room as we awaited the other guys’ arrival. I was shook beyond belief. How was he gonna react? What was he gonna say? Was he even going to talk to me? Was everything going to be awkward the rest of the night? I didn’t know what to do, so when another knock came to the door I ended up screaming once more and hiding in Baekhyun’s room. I could hear Chanyeol laugh at me as I did so, but I didn’t care.

To Dae: Meet me in Baekhyun’s room ASAP

I assumed he got my message when about ten minutes later I heard a knock on the door. I had locked it just in case. “Open up!” He shouted through the door. I hurriedly unlocked it and went back to pacing. “Jongdae, I can barely breathe!” I uttered, my nerves causing my hands to start shaking. “Is that so?” I expected to hear Jongdae’s voice, but instead I was met with that of Sehun’s much deeper one. “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!” I screamed for the umpteenth time today. “The guys pushed me in here and said they wouldn’t let me out until we talked, so here I am.” I didn’t know what to do or say. Literally the only thing I could think to do was scream. But that was off the table considering I didn’t think the guys wanted to hear me do that again.

le boyz gc: I hate all of you

Eventually Sehun broke the silence which was different seeing as how besides Kyungsoo, he was the quietest out of all the guys.

“How long have you liked me?”

I almost choked because of his boldness. I mean leave it to Sehun to get straight to the point. “What do you mean?” I laughed nervously. “I’ve never liked you.” I’ve liked you since middle school.

“Don’t lie to me.” He said casually, moving from leaning against the bedroom door to sitting on Baekhyun’s bed. “Jongdae told me you’ve had a crush on me for a while now.” I mentally cursed Jongdae. Remind me not to tell any of the guys if I ever develop a crush on literally ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

.“For the record, I’ve liked you since that first time we all hung out at Chanyeol’s place.” I tried thinking back to the first time we ever went to Chan’s house. It was quite hard to manage seeing as how we’re always either at his or Baekhyun’s house. “What’s so special about us hanging out that one time?” I asked, trying to avert from the subject of me liking him. “I don’t know really.” He started. He stopped looking at me, and focused all his attention on his twiddling thumbs. “Just something about you struck out to me. It made me what to get to know you better.” “Are you glad you did?” I asked in a small voice. Sehun nodded vigorously. “It was the best decision I ever made to be honest.”

I could feel a warmth course through my body at his words. Now I have to tell him. I took a deep breath and finally spilled the truth. “I’ve had a crush on you since before high school. And ever since then just the thought of you makes me happy beyond belief.” I puffed, still not wanting to admit my true feelings for him. I looked over at Sehun. His entire face was lit up in result of what I’d told him. But he went from beaming to smirking in two seconds flat. He sat up off the bed, and stood about a foot away from me. “See how easy that was.” I punched his arm, causing him to start laughing. “Leave me alone.” After those words, he pulled me into a tight hug. I buried my head in his chest. I was able to get a whiff of his cologne, it was strong but not too overbearing. It was pleasant, but at the same time it was a savory scent. I didn’t want him to let go anytime soon, however we jumped away from each other as we heard Baekhyun yell “THEY BETTER NOT BE HAVING SEX IN MY ROOM, ON MY BED!!” and the door swing open.

The guys piled into the doorway. “Ew, look at the lovebirds.” Minseok teased from the front of the huddle. His words caused both Sehun and I to turn bright red from embarrassment. “I bet they were making out.” Chanyeol butted in, sticking his head farther into the room. “Shut up Chan!” I said, covering up my face as it got even brighter.

“Come on guys, pizza’s getting cold and we’re about to put on a movie.” Junmyeon said. I gave him an understanding nod. I went to speak, but before I could Jongin interrupted me. “Oh Y/n’s not hungry. She practically ate like three pizzas before you guys got here. Sehun had her super stressed out.” Everyone broke out into laughter, causing all my embarrassment levels to skyrocket. I buried my face in my hands, so no one would see just how red my face was getting. “It was more like one, let me live.” I pouted. Sehun wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me closer to him. “It’s okay babe.” He whispered in my ear. I ended up smiling like an idiot at his words. The guy I like just called me babe. What a world!

“Stop being gross, you’ve been together for like five seconds.” Baekhyun said, wearing an over exaggerated look of disgust. I couldn’t help but shake my head at him. We hadn’t talked about us actually dating yet. “Hey you guys, we should choose tonight’s movies carefully. The two love birds might get a little risky throughout them.” Kyungsoo said from the middle of the crowd of guys. This time Sehun and I joined in on the guy’s laughter. One by one, everyone eventually turned around and left the bedroom. Sehun and I exited the room, his arm still draped around my shoulder. Before we got into the living room, he placed a kiss on my forehead. Maybe we weren’t together just yet, but I could definitely get used to this.

Masterlist

#sehun #oh sehun #sehun fluff #sehun scenario #exo fluff #exo scenarios #chanyeol #park chanyeol #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #chen #jongdae #kim jongdae #kai #jongin #kim jongin #xiumin #minseok #kim minseok #suho #junmyeon #kim junmyeon #lay #yixing #zhang yixing #d.o #kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #phangirlof

[jfcspencer]

WHO: spencer stone & francesca hart.

WHERE: blackout dinner in las vegas.

WHEN: tuesday evening.

WHAT HAPPENED: spencer and frankie end up in a fight about spencer offering to be lanie’s sperm donor, they might have broken up?? lmao. stll unclear.

SPENCER.

spencer opened the door for frankie but shut it when he saw oliver with his wife walking in. “watch this,” he laughed and kept it close while oliver attempted to open and gave spencer a look. the older male let out a chuckle and let it go. after moments of joking around with his band mate, his last name was called and they were lead into the pitch dark room. spencer took a hold of his girlfriends hand and squeezed it lightly. “just know that i’m not going to feed you because i’m scared i’m going to poke your eye out with a fork,” he admitted to her with a small chuckle. maybe he shouldn’t be laughing about that but it was spencer, he laughed at basically everything and everything that slipped out of his lips. when they got seated in the dark, spencer had ordered his food and his beer for the night. he knew it wasn’t going to be the last one for the night. “so baby girl, are you enjoying time away from the tribe?”

FRANKIE.

Frankie walked in with her boyfriend but the adult moment of walking in was shortly over as Oliver and Serenity were walking up, laughing a little she rolle her eyes, she loved that Spencer kept his child life alive , well for the most part . Laughing as she waved to Oliver as he was finally aloud in the door “you’re such a goof” she said pushing him slightly . As they were lead into the room she held his hand until they got to their seats , it was a strange sensation being in a pitch black room “I’d appreciate you not poking my eye out , I kind of like having them both there “ she laughed . Ordering her food and most importantly her wine , reaching across and grabbing his hand to hold she signed a little “yes and no , my boobs are hating me for not being there with Blaze , and I miss them but I love being alone with you “

SPENCER.

“what? he’s ugly, he deserves it.” he laughed out while wrapping his arm around frankie and bringing her closer to him. when they were finally seated in the pitch black room, he playfully reached out and try to touch her but missed. “i’m going to send up spilling something either on me or someone else here,” he laughed lightly. he felt her hand and teased to say. “someone is touching me, i don’t know who it is,” he gasped out. “well, just don’t spray your titty milk on me,” he chuckled out. “i know, i’m really happy to spend alone time with you and able to bend you without the kids walking in or anything.”

FRANKIE.

The blonde laughed “as long as you’re not spilling on me then it’s a free for all , just don’t get to messy , I know you have a hard enough time eating with lights on “ she laughed at her boyfriend . “It’s the boogy man , he wants to take you down under with him “ she said keeping her smaller hand on his . “Listen I was worried about that last night when you were throwing me around like a fucking rag doll on that bed “ she laughed “I miss them but I don’t miss he interrupting the sex

SPENCER. 

“you know what, i’m about to order spaghetti and get it all over me now,” he laughed out, tilting his head back slightly. “oh thank god, i’ve been waiting for this.” he teased her. “i didn’t think about it, i was thinking about the way you were moaning, groaning and the way you taste,” he hummed out. “we can call them when we get back to the hotel so i can change because i’m going to need too.”

FRANKIE.

Sometimes it felt like she had three toddlers to take care of , Cordelia, Lyric and Spencer “good I’ll make sure the boogy man knows that you’re the first to go between us two” she teased . Biting her lip even know he couldn’t see her doing it , but just thought of his hands all over her again made her mind wonder to dirty places “well I’ll be sure to let you taste some more later “ she said in a soft tone “yes , please I miss their cute little faces

SPENCER.

“i’ll let him know myself,” he chuckled out. he was truly happy that he was able to make jokes like this with her. they had a similar sense of humor and she dealt with his stupidity when no one else would. “how about after we call the kids?” he asked out.

FRANKIE.

Frankie was a little shocked when the waitress came back with their food , well scared more like it she forgot that stuff was coming out , placing all the stuff out infront of them Frankie let go of Spencer’s hand started to drink her wine “yes ,call the babies , maybe possibly let you practice putting more in me , and then we can go out and party or whatever

SPENCER.

“that’s so cool they have lights on their heads to see, huh? i was gonna say let’s start doing this at home but the kids would scream once we flip the switch,” he shook his head lightly. he brought up his beer to drink it but almost choked at the mention of more babies. “you want more kids? i didn’t mean to choke, i didn’t know you wanted another chunky one so soon.”

FRANKIE.

“There wouldn’t be a peaceful meal if we ever tired to do this shit , if we’re ever somehow home alone then sure we’ll eat dinner in the dark “ she laughed . Taking a sip of her wine shaking her head “oh god no, but I’m saying I’ll let you practice putting one in me , so when we do want another , you’ll be ready to go” she laughed “plus you’re trying to put another in someone else “

SPENCER.

“we never have a peaceful meal in the houses. someone is having a fit or tossing food on the floor or at the wall,” he shook his head a bit. it was a interesting time when they had dinner at either his place or hers. “hey now, i got it on the first few try’s but i don’t mind more practicing later tonight. i just winked but you can’t see it.” he laughed lightly. he coughed lightly. “well, i mean.. if she wanted to then i wouldn’t say no to lanie.”

FRANKIE.

“I’ve given up on trying to have a dinner until the girls are older and aren’t trying to make messes constantly , but the. Blaze is his fathers son so I’m sure he’ll be trying to same things on me too” she laughed . Frankie looked ar him not that he could see but set her glass down if looks could kill or he could see her , he’d see the death glare coming from her blue eyes “wait are you serious ?” She asked tone changing a bit “I know you guys talked about it on twitter but you don’t think it’d be a real conversation to have with me ?”

SPENCER.

“i would say until they’re like five or something so like next year should be the year of normal-ish family dinners.” he laughed but knew it wasn’t going to happen with blaze. maybe what he said was bad idea but he was speaking his truth. he shrugged his shoulders, thanking it was pitch black and she could see it. “i mean, of course we could talk about it but im just saying if she wanted to have a baby that fully biological to lyric then why should i say no? i mean i think it’s pretty fucking rad. so yeah, i’m serious.”

FRANKIE.

“For a little bit until blaze starter eating grown up food and sitting at the table and then it repeats all over again but it was worth it , if the kids were happy she was happy . “Ok so would you be in the babys life , I’m just shocked you were willing to agree to this without talking to me , or thinking how I’d feel”

SPENCER. 

spencer sighed out, he wanted to look at frankie but all he saw was darkness. literally. he loved her with everything he had in him, he never shared that type of love with lanie. it was purely physical and what they got out of it was a daughter. he saw what a wonderful mother she became when her time was ready, she did it perfectly. he was truly happy for lanie and he wanted nothing more to just help out. “i mean, i guess so but i’m not a hundred percent sure that i would be anyways because i’m just offering sperm, i’m not offering to be a parent with her. it’s a difference, ya know? besides frankie, lanie and i haven’t discussed this since it was on twitter.” he told her truthfully. they talked at the welcoming party but it was so that spencer could get her beer since she looked young. “look, i’m sorry that i didn’t talk to you about it or how you feel but i didn’t want to bring it up unless it was something lanie wanted.”

FRANKIE.

Frankie didn't want to fight with him but it's been on her mind heavy and then it kept getting brought up so she felt like she was at a stand still and all though she didn't really get a say in anything it still felt stetchy having the man she loved more than life it's self out here offering even just his sperm to someone he used to hook up with . " but are you really going to want a kid that has half your dna running around and not be a parent to it? thats what i'm getting at is that if you decided to do that and be the parent it feels like a conversation that should have been had with me, your girlfriend" she said " we don;t live together but you stay at mine enough and i stay at yours enough it's close enough to living togethe" she said

SPENCER.

the last thing spencer wanted to do was fight with frankie about this because in his eyes, he didn't see anything wrong with it. there were still some stuff that needed to be worked out but this was something that might happen. it wasn't set in stone just yet and he had yet to talk to lanie about what she wanted to do. "like i said, we haven't even talked about it. you're not my wife, frankie, jesus. there is a huge possibility that this shit ain't even going to happen in the first place." he sighed out, running his fingers through his hair.

FRANKIE.

Frankie put her fork down and shook her head , all her movements were useless since he couldn’t see her but that wasn’t going to stop her from doing anything . “Oh?” She said tone changing even more than before “how about not having a girlfriend either “ she said standing up not even caring she couldn’t see she was gonna feel her way out that place and out the restaurant

SPENCER.

spencer let out a sigh and called over a waiter. “my girlfriend or ex, whatever we are is trying to leave. can you please help her out before she bumps into something. thanks mate.” spencer rubbed his temples and sat there.

FRANKIE. 

Frankie finally made it outside of the restaurant and took a seat on one of the benches . Made it was a little dramatic , and she knew she wasn’t his wife but she’s done eveything for him and loves him like his wife so why be dickhead about it . “Fucking Spencer “ she huffed to herself now regretting not brining her jacket because it was a little colder

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): Pain.png

ok so hello again my good and loyal scrubs.

im in pain again today? and like, as is frequent, not understanding its source very well or what to do about it very well

and i think maybe, all i can do is accept it? if the pain isn’t going away despite, like, changing activities, and drinking water, and eating, then is it just, like, i can’t avoid it? can’t get away from it?

a lot is like, the pain of that little kid who got pulled around physically and verbally and emotionally. a lot of like, this pain can’t be real, i’m just, you know, acting, or faking, or something.

but like... this doesn’t benefit me at all. i’ve tried acting happy! i do not feel happy, i feel very sad, and the smile comes out all sad. i can’t, like, beam on command. so, i suppose i am just sad and in pain. and i can’t change that, only manage it.

my head hurts like I might get a full-on migraine but idk yet.

some of the pain is also the pain of a young man who didn’t, like, even realise yet that what he was going through was abuse, so he was transferring it onto others he did “love” but couldn’t love healthily, and really doing his best to apologise when it was made known to him he was hurting people, but didn’t understand there are some things an apology can never heal. 

there is also the pain of an older younger man who bonded through trauma with someone, and while that person was a wonderful amazing woman so often, she really hurt him, like, so much, by denying some of his real actual experience of pain, instead of validating it. and i don’t know for sure, because this is a conversation that may never happen, but i’m pretty sure i did the same to her? 

and then like, my mother’s voice is there, saying, “you’re making this up,” “stop exaggerating,” “i think you’re overreacting.”

but like, on Counselling Day this week, i told my counsellor i hated my mother? and saying that now brings me a sense of... weird relief. no more guilt. because i felt it so often. i felt, i fucking hate this woman, i hate what she’s doing to me, i hate that i can’t escape-- and then it was time to like, go downstairs, and she’d be all... how she was. “I love you really.” “You’ll understand later.” “You’re being silly.”

like... i never said that before? not even to my counsellor, who i’ve been seeing for literally like, four years, on and off? is that how deep she made me bury those extreme fucking feelings, for her comfort?

i’m still really like... disconnected from my body. eating and sleeping and like, shit like how much weight i can carry without literally crying and stuffing it back down again, is evading me. but, like, it’s kind of making sense as to why it’s so difficult now.

and i keep thinking! like, why can’t i just “pack it up!”, you know?! why can’t i just shove this all away and hide it like i used to!

well, uh, i did that for so long, again, that the cardboard box exploded, and i went completely fucking manic and psychotic in the street.

and i thought my grandad would help me, you know? give me a room to stay in? at least help me get a supervised stay in a hospital? and he didn’t.

the psychiatrist i saw before the incident took off also didn’t help me. and recently, i learned a lot of other people have had Major Problems with the guy. like, major confidentiality breaches, disclosure of serious personal trauma to entire rooms full of very uncomfortable people who knew they shouldn’t be hearing this. but because he is the consultant psych for my area, the top dog, i don’t know what anyone can do about that?! we’re all sick! we barely have the energy to live, let alone complain enough to kick him out of health services!!!

it fucking shakes me, right. it was his eyes? like, i’m a masochist, i’ll share that pretty freely on here. and i’ve known self-proclaimed sadists and sadistic people, very well, actually. they have this weird, like... it’s like, it’s not even the look a predatory animal has. it’s literally just a human being who takes joy in observing other human beings in horrific pain. like, they laugh at videos of men being thrown in wood chippers, or hit by cars. actual things i have seen. it’s a total absence of empathy.

this “doctor” had that fucking look. he looked just like NBC’s hannibal lecter. “Mmm, fascinating.” a really good front of “professional curiosity,” but like, dude, i saw how his legs were crossed, and how his face tightened to hide a smile. i’ve seen these things on other, dangerous, prejudiced people.

i have been dangerous and prejudiced. i’m still capable of being these things. but i do everything i can to catch myself in those moments, and counter the dangerousness and the prejudice. this guy just, you know, said there was nothing he could do to help me, when i was literally going full insanity, you know?

i’m realising i’ve been drawn to people with that look behind their eyes, thinking i can trust them, when actually i can just recognise them. i had suspicions about my grandfather? he’s always been very... uhm, you know, attracted to “exotic” places, objectifying cultures and people, displaying sacred totems and caricatures of sacred totems that bothered me in a way i couldn’t articulate, but was aware of. i found them beautiful too! they were beautiful items. it was just... the way he talked about “the locals” and not “the people.” disconnected. physically he lived well? 

so yh i looked at that, i thought, this seems healthy enough? but inside, i don’t think he’s doing so hot with humanity. apparently counsellors should never offer to counsel a family member, and he did that for me. i turned it down, knowing that would be way too weird, and i couldn’t tell him shit, because he’d probably tell claire.

of course, the recent thing where he lost it with me, and indirectly sent me home in the dogbox of a cop car means i won’t be contacting him again, as far as i can control it. he had this like, furious, “no-sympathy-for-you-you-lying-breaking-in-thief” look on his face. like he thought i must be on crack and lying about it, or something, when really i was on no drugs at all, psychotic, and having a horrible flashback to hiding beside the washing machine as a kid waiting for somebody to grab me and hit me. 

i get why people go to that place. it’s cheap and easy power to laugh at others’ misfortune. but like, i can’t laugh at that. i can go “OH my god AHAHA WOW FUCK. he got, he got ATE.” if i’m beside one of those people, to hide and stay safe, but i can’t ignore the like... wow, fuck, my body feels that, fuck, there went his leg, shit, i recognise that, that’s brain-- thing i get, which i suppose is empathy? feeling what another feels?

the sadist i knew best preyed on empathic people, and boasted he was an empath himself to confuse the hell out of his targets. i literally never saw him display empathy, he always responded with a different emotion, instead of feeling the same? but like, i’d had that before, from my masochistic mother who was dealing with abuse by being the cruel one with power, so yeah.  

i did that too. i fucked a life up, maybe two, i don’t know. i was still really young when it happened, and couldn’t know better, because i’d never seen better.

i had to understand that about my mother before i could understand it about myself, because of “imagine how I feel!”

so yeah, i spotted the cycle of abuse, i’m fucking, trying to cope with how quickly it’s turning in my mind, because i suppose love is appropriately balancing behaviours in order to foster... well, nurturing? i’m trying to nurture what i’ve got back to health.

and like, uh, my mind is on fire. i can learn like hell, always have done, always will do. my emotions? also on fire now, instead of, like, almost completely extinguished. because... well, like, i can’t let them go out. that’s how i hurt somebody again, that’s how i destroy another life. that might be why some or all of the sadists i know, and in the world, are Like That. they hurt so much they put their feelings out so they can feel power again. because, yeah, control over emotions borne from extreme, life-or-death situations? there isn’t any. it was life-or-death, man. your body just Acts. 

it’s really frustrating, because... i can write about these things really well. i can sing about some of it, but only to myself, with the door open, hoping somebody will hear, but too scared to sing in front of another body, even though i know somebody will need to hear those songs, and cry, or smile, or feel nothing. i can speak about it, but SO goddamn slowly, it takes ages to get through the questions. thinking about it? jesus christ, only if i think like a machine, literally like the pistons of an engine keeping the same beat the whole time.

acting about it? holy fuck. what the hell. uh, so, my body is-- it’s telling me a thing. i can sing about it. i can write about it. i can learn about it. but i’m hungry, man! how do i... okay, slowly talking to myself. i need... what do i have? things that need cooking. but the pan is heavy! it hurts my wrists! but i need food. but my shoulder hurts too, so... do i make it hurt more? do i not eat? but i need food. but if i make food, my shoulder and wrist hurt more. and then i slip into confused loops of thinking until something gets intense enough to force the body to just, Do An Action.

part of me is thinking, well, if i can write about this shit here, do i really need a counsellor any more? 

but like, looking at him, i see he’s still really worried about me. because yeah... no social support network, can’t eat or sleep on a schedule, retreating hella deep into fantasy and creative pursuits and learning about very complicated things every day... i mean, it has its benefits, but i’m basically a hermit. and i really, REALLY want to be able to WORK in a LABORATORY. which means, teamwork.

the last time i did a group project was, uh, well. i haven’t done one since because of what happened? i had a whiteout as it was my turn to present and just, bolted. disappeared for the rest of the presentation, showed up at the end to apologise to the module convener. i was shaking like hell for... shit, the whole way home, i probably smoked pot until i blacked out, told my personal tutor i couldn’t do THAT again. bc i forced myself, thinking, I Have To Do This No Choice. 

turns out, they would have let me not do it if i’d explained. but i was really thinking Oh Fuck I Have To Try.

i’ve got another group research project coming up, but that will be not this academic year, but the next. hopefully by then i will have been to group therapy and... uh, articulated this stuff to other people who are going through it, in person? in a healthy way? there’s gonna be a supervisor there, apparently, and i’m so scared, but i know i gotta go. i can’t avoid this forever. i can’t get better alone. i wanna be able to connect with others who have lived like this in person, not just on here?

i keep “choosing” to be alone, but it’s not much of a choice, really, because i know how much... well, shit. put it this way. i’m feeling So Goddamn Much all i can do is cry in the street and sometimes sing a few lines while nobody is around to really hear the song. bc part of emotional regulation is emotional expression, and i know full well i’ve felt these feelings out in the street before, but haven’t been able to express them at all. like, i just, felt without feeling. disconnected entirely.

i can’t live that way forever. if i do that, i know i’ll lash out at people in numbness, because i won’t be able to register my own intensity.

i tried getting rid of the intensity? you know, an antipsychotic, allegedly mood stabilising, but seriously. for me... i felt so flat and slow and stupid after the dose passed like, 50mg? i’m thinking, man, actually, maybe i need this intensity, otherwise i’m never gonna properly process and express my traumas, which i’m aware i need to do to... well, get to a point where i can Work Happily In A Lab.

i know it’s not happily ever after! i know if i get there, i’m still gonna be striving for more, because everybody wants to grow, and everybody wants to go up. but really, it would be... like, it would be so much. it’s why i’m clinging on. it’s why i’m still alive after almost 22 years of... well, predominantly pain. 

but i gotta get out of pain to get there. slowly, because it doesn’t all change at once.

i’m still not sure how acceptance works? how do i accept this pain. it’s still fucking rocking my damn boat every day. if i capsize, that’s suicide, you know? and i’m well aware that one more trauma could be the one that kills me. but i don’t want it to be. it might just... you know. seem like the only way out, again.

because i am one of the lucky ones. i did run away, then i ran away again, then i got a room in a hostel instead of being on the street for years, and happened to come across an amazing counsellor who will see me for free when things get bad enough i run out of money, and i got an unconditional offer from the university that are saving my god damn Hopes and Dreams and life.

but i’m also one of the unlucky ones. i had to run away, twice. i was homeless. i had to find a private counsellor, because the NHS wouldn’t or couldn’t get me help before the next time i tried to kill myself. i ended up in massive prescription debt, and emergency loan debt to the university, which they’re going to try and pay off, but like-- it’s debt, man, like, thousands. maybe ten. i couldn’t even read all the letters, i had to get a welfare officer to do it for me. 

and PIP... are checking boxes. instead of looking at my life. i’m able, to keep coming here, to the university i’m sitting in right now, and learning, because I Find Ways. but the Ways i’m Finding are... so difficult. they could be SO much less difficult. all i need is money, man. so i can afford food that’s easy to prepare and eat. so i can afford transport. so i can buy things to replace what i fuck up when i’m really, really ill. so i can afford, you know, just a few things that make me smile? like, to have a holiday? so i can keep seeing my fucking counsellor and pay him for the work he does for me?! i can and will find a way to do this, somehow, but money would speed it up so much, and get me quicker to a point where i’m balanced enough to HOPEFULLY start Working for Pay. paying my tax, putting money in so other people like me can get a leg up. 

the fact that i could only start singing my own songs, the ones i always wanted to sing, after cutting contact with my entire family... it’s kind of an indicator to me i’d lost them already.

i mean, i’ve been estranged for... three years? four? i don’t actually know, exactly. i went back occasionally... always had to use drugs of some kind to get to sleep at night.

i don’t use that way any more. i don’t wanna go numb to that tiny little child who hated “her” mum. like... she’s not even me, just, you know, that was my body? i wasn’t even allowed to be a he back then. “there were no signs.” as IF, you just didn’t ever fucking listen. i HAVE to listen to that kid. i have to acknowledge that this is pain this body felt. and nobody, ESPECIALLY not her, can take it away. because i have ownership of my body, and my memories, and i know how publicly, explosively, dangerously unwell i used to be. 

i’m a lot, lot better, now. i have crazy skills i never had before, but it’s literally, like, dude, the fire is still burning, i have to stand here with a bucket of water constantly to put it out when it gets too big, and i keep fucking getting burned! i need help! there’s SO MUCH, you know? 

i can’t even put the sim card i had to reorder in my phone yet, it’s such a relief to not have That Fucking Thing to deal with. i’m already dealing with, like, seeing my mother’s Disappointed Face(tm) staring right back at me when i pause for just a fucking moment to think. 

i want a break, man, and i know it’s not coming, bc i can’t block this out with drugs any more, and the pain lives inside me, so i just gotta... i just gotta keep processing. it wraps itself up when it’s a point where i can, you know, kind of do something else, for a little while. 

#fliptext #trauma #abuse #neglect #and so on so forth #medical neglect