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songmingisthighs · 10 months

Text

[12:14] boxer!san × nurse!reader

⇀ he's your favourite outlaw and it's not because of his rugged charm, surprisingly it's because of how tender he actually is

⇁ bouncy killed me istfg

⇁ happy sannie day ❣️❣️

genre : boxer!au, romance, outlaw!ateez

wc : 1.8 k

It didn't take much for you to recognize him.

Even with his body sitting down and leaning on the stairs as he faced the floor, you could easily recognize that it was him.

You wanted to greet him as you usually would, but as you got closer, you noticed something weird about him. His back was moving in a rhythmical manner like how he usually would when he was breathing but it was slower than usual. The closer you get, the more you realize that he had cuts on his arm and some bruises.

"Oh my God, San," you called, rushing to his side as quickly as you could, your fatigue from 12 hours shift suddenly went away at the sight of his bloodied tank top. You knelt in front of him and peeked up to see that he had his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed but he wasn't responsive. Usually, at the sound of your voice, the flirt would throw you a lazy gaze and a Cheshire-like grin that would make you blush and sputter. But seeing him in this unresponsive position actually scared you. You genuinely felt like something was wrong and knowing that he was an underground fighter makes the situation even worse for you.

"San, can you hear me?" you asked as you made an initial assessment, hands brushing his bangs out of his eyes to look at his face. From the get-go, you could see that he had a bruised cheekbone, a busted lip, and possibly a concussion. You can only imagine what his body must be like. And you meant that as in the bruises on his torso and not how it must look. Because you know damn well it's sculpted as fuck from the many times he walked past you and intentionally flashed you his abs.

You tried lifting his head up but he let out a grunt and shook his head. "Too bright," he complained.

Understanding this, you nodded and moved to sit next to him closely as you brought one of his arms and rest it on your shoulder. "I need to take you to my apartment so I can properly tend to your wounds. Do you think you can move?" true to his mannerism, he chuckled and leaned his head to the crook of your neck like a feline seeking contact, "How 'bout you give me some sugar first? That might help me gain some strength." You automatically rolled your eyes at his remark but you had to admit his words made you feel better because at least you know that he was fine. "Okay big guy, we're moving you," you stated as you started pulling him up and leading him to the elevator. "Big guy? Have you been checking me out, pretty?" he teased. You kept quiet thought because a. yes, and b. he needs to shut up.

The elevator ride up was thankfully not that hard as San was holding his own weight for the most part, you just guide him so he wouldn't sway or even fall down. He also stayed quiet which concerned you but you were just glad that he was still moving. Sure, he stumbled slightly as he got into your apartment, but other than that, he settled down on your couch easily and even respectfully towards your cat.

You rushed to get the first aid kit that you always kept stocked in your bedroom, knowing that San and his roommate, Wooyoung, would sometimes come knocking in after a night of fighting be it in the ring or in an alley with people they messed with. So it wasn't really a surprise to go back to your living room to see your tabby cat, Taco, splayed on San's lap looking like he just found the comfiest bed ever. You obviously wouldn't mind trying but for now, you just wanted to make sure that San was alright.

"Taco, move away from Sannie, mommy needs to clean him," you called out as you sat next to San. But Taco, in all his absolute pettiness, simply lift his head up and stared dead straight into your eyes as if challenging you as he fluff up San's thighs with his pudgy paws. You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at your hellraiser with equal challenge, letting him know that he was not the boss of you. When he didn't move his chubby butt, you were forced to deliver the last blow, "Or else no snacks." That seemed to speak to him on a profound level as he jumped off after giving you one last dirty look and retreated into your bedroom. "Sorry about him," you grinned sheepishly, taking San's hand into your lap as you began cleaning the first wound your eyes fell on. San couldn't even feel the pain of his wound getting cleaned anymore, so instead of worrying over the result of the last night's fight, he focused his eyes o you, "No worries, I like him. And I love the fact that you called me Sannie to Taco which leads me to believe that you might have been talking about me to him a lot," he teased.

Your eyes widened at his (very accurate) assumption and you wanted to believe that he didn't notice the blush that bloomed on your face, an absolute testament to what this man could do to you without doing much. "So," you cleared your throat, "What happened?" you asked, changing the topic before he could tease you more. "What else do you think? I won," he boasted, proud that he made bank from his hard night's work.

Though it was a good thing that he won, you couldn't help but sigh in disappointment hearing that he went rounds upon rounds to secure his achievement. "I worry about you," you blurted out, turning around to get betadine and a cotton pad to dress his wound properly. Though San had a confident look on his face, he could feel his heart skipped a beat at your confession. "Why so?" He asked, hopeful. Without lookinf up at him, you answered casually, "Because I don't like seeing you getting hurt like this," but even in that tone, San could sense that you were being genuine.

In all honesty, San teased you because he thought that was the only way he could get your attention. Sure he had hoped that the the spare glances you threw at him were actually sincerely from your heart but he can't convince himself that someone with a legitimate career like you would want to have anything to do with a bloodied bastard who beat people up for money. So San settled for the lowest expectation because that's what peope always expect of the underdog anyways. But your words were shaking his belief down like a stickhouse in an elephant stampede, which goes to show how strong San's resolve is towards you and it's bad. He was down bad. Part of him was glad that you seemed to want to keep an arm's length from him but part of him want to be in your lap at night, having your fingers card through his hair softly as you told him again and again how glad you were that he was able to come home in one piece. Because that's what he actually want, a home.

San's mind was snapped back into reality when he noticed you were snapping your fingers in front of his face and calling out his name. "San??" You called out again with furrowed eyebrows, "Shit, I think you're having a concussion," you muttered, moving your position so that his body was straight, facing forward. "Eh?" San blinked confusedly with a slightly tilted head, looking so much like Taco whenever you brought a jinggly toy near him. Thankfully you were too busy making sure San didn't have brain damage to blush and sputter, trying to do your job as best as you could for him. You situated yourself at a fair distance, not to close yet not too far and you put both of your hands between you and him and held out a finger each. "Can you see my fingers clearly?" With your best effort, you tried to suppress the fact that you were very much worried about him because it wasn't your time to show emotions and ended up having him worry over you instead. Looking at your fingers, San did a double take before his relaxed-confused look turned into disbelief-confused, "Are you flipping me off?" He scoffed. Almost immediately you let out a sigh of relief before straightening up and nodded, "I had to get a reaction out of you, you were mumbling about a parrot talking about chilli peppers when you were zoning out, I had to know if it was concussion or perhaps you took something."

Just as you were about to turn around to get a damp rag, San pulled you with his powerful strength, causing you to yelp and freeze when you realized that you had fell into a particularly compromising position. Your hands were on his strong, broad shoulders with your left leg bent and resting on the outside of San's right thigh and the other in between his spread legs while San had one hand on your wrist and the other on your waist with a confident, lazy smile on his face. God how much you want to wipe that grin off his face. With your own lips.

"Baby, why would I take drugs when a moment with you gets me high for days?" And of course he had to make your stomach flip by pecking you gently on the nose. Your breath hitched and a small squeak escaped from your clamped mouth, not knowing what to do other than stare at him with wide eyes. San seemed amused at how you reacted however, pulling away and leaning back against the couch with arms spread wide, the confident bastard.

For a moment you sputtered, eyes darting everywhere but San's face before remembering what you wanted to get merely moments ago. You somehow found the strength to stand on your two feet and turn to the kitchen but not before tripping on your feet slightly and almost falling. You didn't even have to turn to know that San was looking at you amusedly, delighting in how affected you were by him but this time it wasn't because he just wanted to see a reaction out of you. He was seeing you in the light of someone he had a chance of having normalcy with. So while you were cursing yourself for being a klutz, San was enjoying the domestic fantasy in his head.

That was until loud knocks were heard from your front door that was followed by a very familiar screeching voice that made Taco jump out and hiss at the direction.

"CHOI SAN YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU LEFT ME IN THE DUMPSTER!!"

So much for domestic peace.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for almost getting a coworker fired?

I don't think genders are relevant here, and I'm not positive on everyone's ages (I'm 31, everyone else is in their 20-30s, that's as much as I know).

So, a few weeks ago I was scheduled to come in to cover one of the other shifts. I normally work Sat-Mon, but came in to cover someone who went on vacation on a Friday. This is relevant because the shift that works weekdays has a habit of ordering food on Fridays, and they usually have one of the associates, Paul, go pick up the food rather than paying extra to get it delivered. It's a group order, they always include me whenever I come in to cover, and we always repay the person who orders the food--which I mention to establish that I paid for my own food, it's not like I got free food and then turned around and reported someone.

Anyways, the conflict starts when, this particular night, I happen to notice that Paul left to go pick up the food, then came back with the food and then clocked out for lunch. The area we work in is pretty small, and the time clock is very visible: it's very obvious to see when people clock in and out, so I wasn't intentionally watching to make sure he clocked out, I just happened to notice. So, essentially, he drove to go pick up food while on the clock, which is very explicitly against the rules.

The next time I saw our supervisors (which was the next day, because our supervisors don't tend to stay for our whole shift and by the time this happened they were long gone), I let them know what happened, and a week later I hear from another coworker that Paul almost got walked out of the building, and that the only reason he still has a job is because our Manager fought to let him get a second chance.

The thing is, I knew it was a possibility that me telling my supervisors could have led to Paul losing his job. But in the end, he broke the rules, and drove off without clocking out, and then clocked out. He essentially got an extra long lunch while the rest of us still worked.

Also, additional info: I came in to cover another day just recently, and overheard Paul talking to the other coworkers about how he had to make sure he didn't "forget" to clock out for lunch again, but here's the thing: if he had just forgotten to clock out, he could have filled out a clock punch correction form to accurately reflect the time he was off, which he didn't do. And it's not like this is an isolated incident; I can't say I've ever noticed any of the coworkers on this shift doing this exact thing, but they're constantly talking about how they don't give a shit and they're constantly taking shortcuts and not actually doing their jobs. They frequently play COD on their phones, ignoring when we have work pop up, which usually leaves me to pick up the slack when I'm covering their shift. Now, I don't care about people being on their phones or whatever when there's downtime, what I do care about is when people focus on their phones and ignore work, thereby making other people have to do more work. Which is all to say, I really do have the sneaking suspicion that he did it intentionally, because the people on that shift don't seem to care about doing the right thing.

So, AITA for reporting him, knowing he could have lost his job from it? I'm torn because, like, on the one hand I feel like there's a degree of integrity that people should adhere to, and if people don't stick to things like making sure they're actually AT their job while on the clock, then it makes things worse for the people who DO stay. On the other hand it feels like I'm siding with the corporation against my coworker, which Feels Bad. Ultimately Paul still has his job, but he's on thin ice.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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scullysexual · 7 months

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“Scully…what are your thoughts on double penetration?” She licks her lips before she answers, thinking. It could be hot but it could also be painful, there wasn’t exactly a lot of her. But Mulder would never hurt her, not intentionally. And while she has no experience with this he seemed to have some. He’d look after her. She can trust him. “Okay…” she says, still sounding unsure. “Just okay?” He wants her to be sure. She is sure. “We’ll do it.” [Mulder and Scully try double penetration]

iii. Double Penetration.

A You got mail! sign pops up on his screen while he attempts to finish this report. Anything for a distraction, Mulder drags his cursor over to it and clicks on it. The email is simple, the email address non-descript, it could almost be mistaken as a scam email or even an email sent to the wrong person if Mulder wasn’t so familiar with this address or these types of emails.

I’m staying in town for a few months, it reads. In a few weeks I’ll have some time off. Meet me then- A.

One could go back through his emails and find countless messages that are similar to this one and each one ended the same way. The fact that Alex Krycek could click his fingers and Mulder would always be there despite his protests made him hate himself.

But that was before. That dark time between ending it with Phoebe and meeting someone else, someone who showed him he didn’t need to chase a carrot on a stick anymore. Mulder’s answer is simple.

I have a girlfriend now.

And Alex’s response is quick.

Okay. Bring her along too.

Mulder doesn’t reply.

He is quieter than usual. No less attentive to her but whatever is distracting him is now distracting her, and she can’t come if she’s distracted.

“Mulder, what’s wrong?” she asks, gently pulling on his hair to lift him up from where his face lays between her legs.

“It’s nothing...” he begins then seems to think better of it. He sighs, laying his head against her thigh and doesn’t look at her. “Scully…what are your thoughts on double penetration?”

She doesn’t class herself as a prude, she is fine to explore and try new things when it comes to sex but his question has a hot flush spreading quickly down her body, her voice suddenly stuck in her throat.

“I…I don’t know. I’ve…I’ve never tried it,” she chokes out. “Um…Have you?”

Sudden images of Mulder in different positions, with different people, and different objects floods her mind. Her pussy pulses slightly at the thought and she shifts her hips.

He smiles, squeezing her other thigh. “A couple times, yeah. She, uh…she liked it so, you know…”

Scully nods. “Why- why do you ask?”

Mulder’s eyes widen as if searching for an answer.

“I don’t know…I guess, curiosity?” He shrugs, beginning to sit up but stays kneeling between her legs. She can see his dick now, hard. He laces his fingers through hers. “Would you…would you like to try it sometime? We can take it slow and- and if it’s done right it can be good for you.”

She thinks it over.

“How good?”

Mulder smiles, as if recalling a good memory.

“Really, really good.”

Her eyes fall to his cock again. Sometimes she struggles to take one Mulder let alone two…And then a panic grips her and her eyes dart up suddenly.

“We can keep it just me and you, right? We don’t need to find a third person, do we?”

He shakes his head. “We don’t need to involve anyone else- not yet anyway. But if we do this, we do it at yours. You have the tools.”

Scully wonders just what he could be going on about. Then it dawns on her.

“Oh.”

Mulder chuckles. “So...” he says. “What’s your answer?”

She licks her lips before she answers, thinking. It could be hot but it could also be painful, there wasn’t exactly a lot of her.

But Mulder would never hurt her, not intentionally. And while she has no experience with this he seemed to have some. He’d look after her. She can trust him.

“Okay…” she says, still sounding unsure.

“Just okay?”

He wants her to be sure. She is sure.

“We’ll do it.”

She feels his cock grow harder as he leans down to kiss her.

Sex at Scully’s was a rarity. Mulder’s was closer, more convenient, this whole thing had started at Mulder’s. Besides, Scully liked being surrounded by Mulder things, Mulder’s scent. With him at hers, all she could focus on was things she forgot to do- like wash that mug this morning or move the pile of laundry that had started piling up.

“You good?” Mulder asks, drawing her attention away from said laundry pile. He knows she’s distracted.

She smiles. “Yeah,” she says and brushes that annoying lock of hair away from his face. “I’m just nervous, I think.”

He smiles back and kisses her sweetly. “Don’t be.” He starts trailing more kisses down her naked body. “It’s just me.”

Scully nods, remembering that. Her finger stroke through his hair, grounding herself as he makes a path downwards.

“I’m gonna make sure you’re ready, okay.”

Scully nods again.

“You’re allowed to come so don’t hold back.”

The first touch of his mouth on her as her back arching slightly and a sigh escaping her lips.

“I didn’t know I needed your permission,” she says as her eyes close and she lets herself feel, anticipating what was to come.

His chuckle sends a vibration up through her body, her inner muscles throbbing as his tongue strokes its way around, gently building her up.

She does wonder, briefly, if this is what he would do to Her. Was he as gentle and caring with Phoebe as he is to Scully? And if so, how could Phoebe never return the favour. Not for the first time does Scully find herself burning up with anger at Phoebe’s past actions.

All that fades, however, when Mulder begins gently sucking on her clit, his fingers now joining his mouth as he pries her open. The pressure starts to build and her hips start to move, matching his fingers that thrust in and out of her. She can hear him talking, encouraging her, but it all becomes white noise as she falls over the edge, fireworks exploding behind her eyes.

Mulder’s pace slows as she rides it out. When she’s finished he sucks his fingers clean and rejoins her at the top of the bed. Scully feels drowsy, the afterglow of orgasm drifting over her like a blanket.

“You okay?” Mulder whispers.

Scully nods. “I just need a minute.”

He kisses her gently. “Take your time.”

She fights to keep her eyes open, her hand reaching over to grasp Mulder’s dick. If she can focus on him for a bit she might just stay awake.

But Mulder has other ideas. He pulls away before she can properly touch him and Scully looks up in confusion.

“I need to be hard-hard if this is gonna work,” he says, his finger beginning to play with her hair and now he’s done it. Her eyes droop, his ministrations threatening to send her to sleep.

“We don’t need to carry on if you’re tired,” he says, his hand still in her hair. “You can sleep.”

As tempting as that was the night still wasn’t over. They had come to do one thing and they were doing it.

She playfully wracks his hand out of his hair and shakes her head.

“No, it’s okay,” she says, opening her eyes (though with difficulty) again. “I’m ready.”

“Only you can be sure,” he says more to himself. He leans over to plant another kiss against her lips before moving off her bed. She follows him, watching as he confidently makes his way to her chest of drawers, pulling open the top drawer like he’s done this countless of times. Just how did he know where to look, she didn’t remember telling him.

Awakened now, Scully leans up on her elbow and asks that question.

“Uh...” Mulder stumbles. “That night you asked me to grab you some pyjamas- I opened this drawer first and well…”

Scully rolls her eyes, unoffended, and flops back down onto the bed. She sees him pull out something blue and her eyes widen in panic.

“Not that one!” she pretty much shouts.

“Uh…okay?” Mulder says uncertain, dropping the offending item back into the drawer.

They had three weeks away from each other and as a leaving present, Mulder bought her a dildo. Blue- his size and girth- it was fantastic but the idea of having two Mulder sized dicks in there at once terrified her, not to mention, she didn’t think she could do it. There was another, however.

“There should be a pink one,” she says and Mulder instantly starts looking. “Towards the back,” she guides. “I don’t really use it anymore…” she adds shyly. And why should she? She has a better, more accurate one now.

Mulder finds the prize and brings it- and the bottle of lube- back over to the bed.

“This is tiny,” he says, sitting down and looking at it. “Do you use this?”

“Not anymore, that’s why it was at the back.”

Mulder chuckles but it dies when he sees the look on Scully’s face. Nerves. She was feeling nervous; her eyes darting from the dildo to his cock and back again.

“Hey,” he says, drawing her attention back to him. “We’re still taking it slow.”

Scully nods. Of course they are and it’s Mulder, she has nothing to be worried about.

She lays back down, the activities starting again once more. Mulder drags his fingers between her legs, her wetness from earlier still present. Removing his hand, he squirts the lube into it then, with what could come with practice, gives her little pink dildo an impressive handjob. Scully’s eyebrow shoots up and he laughs self-consciously.

“I’ll tell you later,” he says.

Satisfied the silicon isn’t going to hurt her, he pushes it up into her.

“We’ll start with this okay,” he says.

She nods, biting her lip as he begins to move it in and out of her.

“Can I come again?” she quickly asks.

“Of course you can. You can come as many times as you like.”

“Thank you,” she says though why she’s thanking him she has no idea.

Between the lube and her own wetness there is little resistance. Mulder keeps up a steady pace and Scully’s mind starts to wander about what will happen next, when he and the dildo are both inside her. The thought makes her brain so fuzzy and when he touches her clit as he pumps in and out she feels the telltale signs that she’s about to come- the drop in her stomach and her muscles clamping around the silicon. She feels herself come impossibly more wet as the slippiness causes Mulder to lose control and the dildo slips out of her.

“Fuck, Scully…” Mulder cries, unable to restrain himself watching her come. He sucks in a breath, moving to straddle her. “I thought I was going to come just by watching you.” He leans over her, kissing her again, much harder than he has done all night. “I can’t wait for this.”

Scully can only half hum/half moan her response as her body shakes with little tremors. She’s so wet, so turned-on, that she’s 100% sure she’s leaking onto her sheets.

More laundry to add to the pile, she thinks deliriously.

“Um, Scully?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m gonna need you to do the dildo part.”

“Mm’kay…”

Her arm is like lead as she moves it between her legs, grabbing hold of the silicon and pushing it against her. She lets out a loud moan, her over-sensitised muscles protesting but she ignores it.

“Scully?” Mulder’s voice sounds again.

“Mm’yeah?”

“I think your arm is in the way.” Scully let’s out another moan. “Um…I’m gonna move you, okay?”

“Yeah…”

She’s too far gone to be of much help but he manages to get her turned around and on her knees eventually. He moulds her into the position he wants, her hand now underneath her body, just holding onto the base of the dildo. He pushes her down onto and she moans again.

He holds her hips and leans above her, his mouth in line with her ear.

“It’s my turn now, okay,” he says and she nods against him.

Her hand clenches around the headpost, moaning loudly as the head of Mulder’s cock pushes into her. She feels the stretch and the slight ounce of pain, it wakes her up, eyes snapping open as his name falls out of her mouth. She felt insanely full.

“Mulder…” she cries.

“I’m here.” His hand clenches around her hip. “Just breathe, Scully.” She does so. “I’m going to move in a minute. If you want this to feel good I’d recommend when I thrust in you pull the dildo out.”

“Yeah?” she asks with a shaky breath.

“Yeah, trust me.”

He pulls back and Scully sighs. Just before he thrusts back in, he speaks again.

“Remember to pull it out, Scully.”

He pushes into her and Scully only just pulls the dildo out of her. She comes immediately, moaning non-stop as her muscles clench around him, pulling him in deeper.

“Shit, Scully!” he cries out as spurts into her.

Her brain has turned to mush again as she falls against the mattress, the dildo forgotten somewhere beneath her. Distantly, she can still feel Mulder rutting against her before her world goes black and there’s nothing else.

He spends the next 10 minutes in what feels like a haze. Scully has gone, wiped out beside him, and Mulder lays next to her, breathing heavily.

Something digs into his back and he reaches underneath him, grasping something warm and wet.

Scully’s dildo.

The stickiness beneath his hand reminds him of the mess that is no doubt accumulating beneath her. He picks himself up from the bed and heads to her bathroom. He starts the clean-up routine; washes his dick of their combined messes, sanitises the dildo with some unscented soap, and brings it and a washcloth back into the bedroom. He puts the dildo (and lube) back into the top drawer and pries Scully’s legs open, gently touching the cloth to the space between.

She startles at the contact but relaxes once more when she realises who it is and what he’s doing.

“That was amazing,” he hears Scully say as he goes to dispose of the cloth. He smiles then disappears only to return not a moment later and rejoin her on the bed.

He pulls her onto his chest, throws the sheets over them both. He is surrounded by everything Scully and it makes his heart feel full.

“I hate Phoebe,” she says and his chest drops at the mention of her name. He looks at Scully, sees the little frown on her face as she looks up at you. “How could she treat you like she did? You’re too good.”

Mulder chuckles, relaxing, letting his hand play with her hair. If he was with Phoebe now and they were at hers she’d have told him to leave. But not Scully. Scully closes her eyes and snuggles in closer. Scully doesn’t just take.

Towards the end, he treated Phoebe the way she treated him and even though she had no problem doing it to him, he still felt guilty about it.

“Well, maybe I wasn’t good to her,” he says quietly.

“No, you were too good.”

If only you knew the whole story, Scully, he thinks to himself.

Wanting to get away from conversations of Phoebe he changes the subject back to their most recent escapade.

“So…Would you do that again?” he asks.

Scully doesn’t answer but her knowing smile answers for him.

They snuggle in for the night. When he gets home tomorrow he’ll respond to Alex’s email. For now, he lets himself exist in this wonderful Scully bubble.

#the x-files #the x files #txf fic #xfiles fanfiction #kinktober23 #iwritesmut #scullysexualwrites

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femmesandhoney · 1 month

Note

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

#pmdd #i hope this somewhat can be helpful to you #my main things are pretty much mindfulness and distraction tbh #but exercise can be helpful (i never mean intense workout unless thats ur jam) bc going outside can be meditative for us when we really nee #to try and shift our mood to a more neutral place #I've also been managing my pmdd like this for a few yrs now so ive had a lot of practice at finding ways to deal w it that work for me #so don't feel bad if my methods don't help you either im positive you'll find ways even if that includes meds!

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blacksapphhicmaddonna · 1 year

Text

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT

Chapter 1 - Make Breakfast

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

Not at ALL canon compliant, I just want my wives to be happy this time around (yes, Carol is BLACK in this series and if you don’t like that then don’t read it baby. Hope that helps. 💋)

CW: Mentions of separation and emotional pain, angsty but soooo much fluff, parenthood, lost memories, slight mentions of homophobia but nun too serious, dreaming/day dreaming/remembering, LOTS OF GAY YEARNING, implied mommy/daddy issues, soooooo much exposition LMFAO so sorry for the long paragraphs but that's just how I write lol. Less is not more this time, more is more, so lets all just indulge in some lovesick lesbians. 🥹 in my head they have such a lifeee together, I want to explore it! I want them to be fully rounded people, at least more than we usually get to see in the MCU. also, lets enjoy a fucking happy ending for these two for once PLS (fuck marvel, she will never die). They're happy, Black and Queer and that's all that matters okay!!!!

Word Count: 8,004 🫣

LINK TO AO3!

A/N: I pretty much already laid everything out but thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read something I wrote. I hope it can help ease your mind or at least give you a break (who doesn't love some good ol' escapism lmao). Take care of yourself, drink some water pls and stay safe. I hope you enjoy. 💗

(Also pls ignore any formatting issues, I wrote this on my laptop so it looks different on the app😭 sorry y’all!!)

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆.˚̣̇✧.⋆ ✶˖·˳.✦ .˚

The August heat had no challenge sneaking its way through the dimly lit room and in-between the two women, who also had no problem sticking to each other. The closer, the better, they both agreed without having too. It had been nearly silent sans the soft howl of the wind and the sound of breathing coming from the two, for at least 45 minutes now, maybe longer. The brown skinned woman pressed against the superhero's chest stirred softly as the wind kissed her sweet, relaxed face gently, not seeming to wake her. Nows the time, the hero thought to herself as she skillfully snuck from under the woman and placed her gently on her side, tugging her own pillow under her arm to replace her body and pulled the sheet over her nearly bare shoulders. She almost planted a kiss on her forehead but forced herself against it.

She tiptoed, almost comedically, around the edge of the bed and past the open window. She was mindful with every step, intentionally avoiding the floor boards she memorized, knowing they would creak and wake the sleeping woman. She made it nearly to the door before she was startled and exhaled sharply.

"Don't you even think about leaving yet, Danvers."

The still half sleep but always on point Maria shoots at the woman attempting to sneak out the bedroom door, still in the position her spouse lovingly placed her in without even opening her eyes or turning around to face the woman. A move she's pulled on both Carol and Monica many times, to their utter frustration and to her own satisfaction. Her voice is raspy and playful, but holds a level of something that neither are ready to fully acknowledge, yet.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Rambeau. Just have to pee."

Carol winked out as she continued her step forward as she hears Maria accept this answer and shift back to comfort, less careful to avoid the creaking floor boards this time. The hero in her scolds herself for being able to take down entire intergalactic warships without alerting anybody on board before its too late - but yet again, she can't get one over on the sleeping woman. She scoffs and relaxes her shoulders as she walks through the upstairs halls, lightening her steps as she passes Monica's room. She smiles inward, seeing "Lt. Trouble" still scribbled near the bottom on the door in blue crayon. No one had the heart to clean it off, nor felt the need to either.

God, she missed this. She missed her family. She missed her, and how warm and natural it felt to just be Carol Danvers. She also missed not leaving behind a trail of disappointment and anxiety for her family to pick up after her. They did their best but how was anybody supposed to balance life, the military, parenting and being a tween with... well, a literal supernova? Not to mention the things they were purposefully not mentioning.

Carol felt herself losing her grip on the stress she had been pushing down for what felt like years but especially the past few days as her return to earth approached, as she sat in the bathroom, long since having peed and washed up. She sat on the edge of the bear claw tub they had dreamed about having together when Monica was first born. They were both so excited when they had found a house that had one. The perfect home. They had always talked about living together when they were growing up, happy to be able to put their military salaries together and buy a house instead of living in barracks or renting apartments like they did in college. Maria, still just her "friend" at the time (although she wasn't sure what they were now, after everything, she thought), said she always wanted to be able to give her child a 'proper' bath like her mother had given her growing up. Rubber ducks and all. It was one of her only happy memories growing up. Carol herself, felt delighted that any child, but especially one who was lucky enough to be coming from this woman, would be treated so lovingly. She was earnest to make all of Maria and Monica's dreams come true, even before she could shoot fire or whatever from her hands. Carol and Maria shared an unspoken agreement with each other while she was pregnant with Monica, and probably long before that. It won't be like how it was for us. We won't let her grow up not knowing she's loved, not knowing someones there to protect her.

She ran her fingers along the curved porcelain edge, remembering how it felt to take baths as a family, even before they knew that's what they really were. Monica's hair curling tight, smelling like the soft baby shampoo Maria was gently rubbing through her hair. The soft kisses they left on her face. The soapy smiles they shared, scrunched up in their bathing suits trying to fit comfortably even though there really wasn't enough space. Not daring to let it ever be anything more than a smile or a laugh. Until they did. Until everything was covered in soap and love. Carol didn’t remember that part yet.

It had taken the pair a long time to realize exactly what they were doing, which frustrated most people who spent more than two seconds around them. They were both well respected for the most part for being women in the armed forces, and widely well liked for their similar and yet somehow opposite personalities. Both so bold and daring. Their differences balanced them out, making them the perfect team - perfect for each other, most people agreed. Despite the times, somehow they both seemed to evade the homophobia of both the armed forces and their peers. Even most of the neighborhood was waiting on them to just say it, do it, be what they already were. Yet, both of them being too stubborn for their own good and equally oblivious, persisted - mainly to themselves - that they were just good friends, copilots and roommates. After Monica was born, they were all of that and coparents but in a 'best friend' way, whatever that meant. They never humored the conversations, they didn't even stick around to hear them - which was quite the feat, being that the entire town was having the conversation for them. They couldn't, though, could they? If they listened too long, if they looked too closely at the thought, daring to touch the idea even slightly, even just to make a joke out of it - they both knew they would crumble. Because it wasn't a joke, it wasn't something they could continue to ignore then. It would end up being only one of two things, in their shared minds:

It could have been nothing. Maybe one felt these things and the other just, didn't. Maybe one of them really was a deplorable, hellbent sinner as they had both been taught but never agreed with, and maybe the other one was just a good, innocent woman, unaware to her friends inner workings. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But finding out, for a long time, felt too much of a risk. The rejection would burn them too much. Neither wanted to risk losing what they did have, the home in each other they both desperately needed. They had been best friends since they were 6, Carol being just a few weeks older but never letting the other forget it - though no one ever believed her. April and May. Just a few sunrises and sun sets separated the days they were born. They were instantly joined at the hip as much as they could be. Maria always carried herself in a more grounded way, but always loved Carols way of always being a million feet off the ground. They both were secretly jealous of the years other people had with them as girls, that they didn't get to have together. 6 years of being on earth and not knowing of the other felt like an injustice, especially now after everything that had happened - another 6 years that kept them apart. Their time together on this planet was so, so precious to both of them. They both always wanted more. Which was why neither was willing to risk what they had already made together. Truth is, they had loved each other since the moment they met. It changed, over time, in different ways. But it was always there, waiting to be what was always meant to be. That's what scared them. So they didn't look too closely, and they played pretend for years. Growing from girls who looked at each other too long, to teens who held hands when they walked, to women who fought for each other tooth and nail at every instance, to who they were before the accident and who they were now. They had a life and they wanted to keep it safe. It was their most precious thing, aside from Monica, who made it all the more important.

But, neither could really ever commit to that way of living either. Neither wanted to face the possible rejection but neither wanted to give up on the prospect of possibility number two, either; The 'maybe' that said "I can't imagine a life where loving you is the wrong thing. A life where you are not for me and I am not for you, wholly, in every conceivable way. I can't imagine a life without you, at all". The one where they kissed and breathed into eachother and finally touched - not for too long but not for long enough no matter how much time it was, and it worked and the heavens opened up and the stars all shined brighter and space and time and everything else stopped mattering - nearly stopped existing if not to give them a world to live in together, and it was just them. It was always just them. It was always just her, they would both think. They would both know.

Needless to say, once they finally caught on (or were forced into each other, perhaps), no one batted an eye or said a word to the contrary. Finally, they all agreed, things were as they should be. It was a good few years, everything was right. But then the accident happened and everything changed, all over again.

Carol laughed to herself, reminiscing back as far as her sleep deprived mind would take her. Thinking about all the times she had made herself stupid or awkward around Maria, despite how comfortable they both were with each other - forgetting that the woman already knew how she felt. Forgetting that she was the one who had forgot what they were to each other. How she fumbled around trying to be Monica's parent, without ever being asked to - without ever being asked not to, she affirmed to herself every chance she could. Monica was her daughter to the same degree that she was Maria's, the woman always reminded her.

"Just because you didn't pop her out doesn't mean she isn't yours. Look at her, she's just like you! I will not take responsibility for all of it!" Maria would say, laughing that sweet laugh whenever Monica would act up or do something so Carol-like. An earnest laugh, hoping Carol would not just hear her but know she was telling the truth.

Carol sighed, standing up and looking in the mirror. She was tired, in ways that sleep wouldn't fix, but she did feel sleepy. She ran cool water over the backs of her hands, trying to give herself reprieve from the heat in the air. She dried her hands on towels with all of their colorful names messily embroidered into them (one of Maria's hobbies while she was pregnant) and rubbed over them with her thumb. She was grateful to have so much to remember, she thought. It must have been a rich life, so full of love. She could tell, even before the memories had started coming back. The love was built into the home, every inch held a part of her that she just had to look at, pick up, feel. They had never let her go. She smiled and felt a pang of longing run through her as she let the towel go. She walked back down the hall and made her way to her bed. Made her way home.

"Took you long enough. C'mere."

Maria said, not asking but telling, sleepiness filling every word. She grabbed at Carol's collar and tugged, not entirely gently but not rough either. Carol laughed as she laid down, facing her best friend and scooting under the light sheet with her back to the breeze as it wrippled against the teeshirt she found in the things Maria had pulled out the closet for her. She used to keep Carol's things in the dresser with hers, like they used to be, but it felt too painful after a while. Now she just wasn't ever sure how long the woman would be staying and made the excuse to herself that she needed the space for her own things, when really she just didn't want to have another physical reminder of the woman's absence as the days passed and piled into months. They hadn't slept in the same bed in so long, but even through the obvious ignoring they were both doing about where their relationship stood, they both felt comfortable enough (or maybe desperate enough) to cuddle. They had always slept together, even as kids, whenever they could. It had helped them both get through a lot of tough things as girls, and they kept close to each other all throughout the years they spent growing up. Their sleep overs were sacred to them, they would build forts and pretend they were living in far away places - away from what life was like for them where they were, grateful to have each other. Their second semester in college they finally beat down the housing office to just let them share a room, figuring it made sense since they both slept in each others room nearly every night anyways. They had pushed their beds together the whole rest of their time in school, only moving them apart for the one big argument they had. How silly, they both thought at the same time, not knowing they were both reminiscing in the same direction.

"I thought you were asleep."

Carol prodded, kicking her socks off.

"You always think I'm asleep before you try to sneak out."

Maria teased, eyes still closed but her hand finding it's way to Carols forearm, trying not to squeeze.

"I mean, you were snoring. Were you not asleep?"

"Hey! I don't snore. And yes, but that's besides the point. You just suck at sneaking out, you always did."

Maria nudges Carol playfully, knowing she would get a response.

"Alright now, you try sneaking out of a preachers house in the middle of the night. That second story jump was no joke on my prepubescent knees! I didn't even have my powers! And you do in fact snore, hate to break it to ya'."

Carol returns the nudge, mindful to be 'human gentle' not 'super human gentle' as both Maria and her daughter would say. This created a small space between them that both were ready to fill. Maria did first, per usual, eyes opening to smirk.

"Whatever you say, Danvers. What's your excuse now? Aren't you supposed to be like... light on your feet?"

She laughed, pulling herself into the woman in front of her without a beat. She didn't need any extra breathing room. The multiple galaxies she was used to having between them had been much more than enough for her. She decided to let any awkwardness that was between them from earlier in the night when dinner was over and Monica went to bed sit on the sidelines for now, they could deal with it tomorrow. She knew she should've brought it up, but she settled for hearing about Carol's adventures and missions instead. She listened for as long as she could stay awake, trying to balance her awe with her jealousy quietly. Right now, she was sleepy and needed the comfort only Carol could provide.

"Very funny. How do you even do that? One second you're asleep, the next second you're catching me in the act. Are you hiding some super powers I should know about?"

Carol laughed, wanting to talk more, selfishly. They were both tired and Maria had work tomorrow that she couldn't get out of, but they were both tired of not being with each other even more.

"I don't need super powers. I'm a mother, sweetheart."

Maria said matter-of-factly, rubbing her hand over Carol's then turning over and scooting her back against the woman, making herself the little spoon. Once again leaving no space. It was almost too familiar for both of them. Carol had to fight the urge to touch her in places, in ways, that friends wouldn't. She settled her hand on the woman's side respectfully, not knowing Maria was yearning for more than that, even if it was just a little more.

"How come I didn't get those mama powers then? Is it biological?"

Carol jokes, pulling Maria impossibly closer without thinking, resting her chin on the woman's shoulder. She wasn't sure about it while being completely sure at the same time. Maria didn't bat an eye, thankful for the contact. "This is normal, I can be normal. She's just Carol. Just the same, just also not. Keep it light, Rambeau." She reminded herself with an exhale before she spoke.

"Dont’cha think you have enough powers? Plus, you're basically a child anyways. You and Mon' are more alike than anyone could've imagined."

The brown skinned woman answered, rubbing her thumb over Carol's hand in a circle mindlessly. Trying to fight the sleep weighing her eyes down just as much as she fought the urge to turn over, pull the woman in and kiss her so deeply. She felt Carol's breath on her skin and reveled in it. God, I missed this, she thought.

"Ha, I'll let that one slide for tonight. I guess I'll just have to work on my sneaking skills."

She resigned happily, knowing the woman was right (although she would be hearing about it tomorrow), but also knowing Maria was more of a superhero than anyone she had ever met, including literal superheroes. She let out a breath and shuffled to get comfortable, leaving a soft whisper of a kiss on Maria's shoulder, no more than the idea of it as her lips grazed her skin every so slightly and pulling her in close again, chest to impossibly soft back.

"Good luck, Captain Marvel. I can always feel you coming and I can always feel you leaving."

Maria said, half awake. They both knew she was only half joking, for the sake of the night. It stung them both in a deep, hidden away part of their hearts. They were both so much more than tired.

"I missed you, Rambeau."

Carol whispered, almost too low, not sure if she wanted the woman to hear her or not. She was almost sure she hadn't.

"More than you even know, Danvers."

Maria replied just as quietly, finally letting sleep take hold of her body. She hoped she would dream something sweet, sweet enough to hold her over until she could wake up and finally be next to the woman she loved. A morning she prayed for every day, even if it might not ever be the way it was. Even if they were never lovers or girlfriends or partners or whatever they were again, this could be enough for her, she thought. She missed her friend just as much as she missed the woman she wanted to marry, so it would have to be enough. She hoped, knowing she had to make herself believe it.

Carol fought her sleep, trying to take in every moment, counting every breath they took in unison, trying to memorize the faint constellations of freckles on Maria's skin. She missed the way she smelled, the way she felt, the way she looked at any angle. The weight of her body against her own. She wasn't sure what she was going to say or do tomorrow, feeling the same weight she had felt all those years of not knowing. She wasn't sure what she knew and what she didn't anymore, but she knew she didn't want to lose what she had just gotten back, even if it meant playing pretend again. She would do it every day for the rest of her life, if it meant she could be with Maria and Monica in any way. She sighed to herself, having to let it just be what it is in the moment. She didn't want to miss even a second more than she already had. But even super humans need to sleep, so she drifted off slowly, giving up the fight eventually knowing she would wake up and still be there. She was finally home. Finally.

˚　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . 　　. ˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　✦.

The sun beating through the window was unforgiving to both women's desire to sleep in and pretend the world wasn't waiting for them. Much like the two of them, greeting the day felt opposite for once. Maria would drag herself through her day of dealing with white men in suits and making more decisions than any one person should really be making (but she was the best one to do it, whether the men agreed or not - although, the smart ones did), longing as usual to make it home. At least today she would have the excitement of making it home on a Friday evening after a longer than ever week, to not only her daughter who was on summer break for a few more weeks, but to her person. Carol, on the other hand, would take on the somewhat daunting responsibility of taking care of a small human tween (which should be easier than a non human child, right?) who just happened to be her daughter, and any other domestic duties about the house and the land. She was grateful for this level of domesticity, eager to wash dishes, do laundry, mow some grass and make her best attempt at cooking for her and Monica. Although, a part of her did feel intimidated. Sure, she could do pretty much anything but she hadn't just been a stay at home mom in a long time. A lot of the time she did spend doing it, pre-powers, she was still fighting to remember. She was happy as the memories made their way back to her, triggered by smells and sounds, old pictures and falling back into routines like muscle memory. She had most of it back, it had been a few years since everything happened. But she was excited when something new (or really, just old) popped back into her mind. She always wrote them down, secretly, making sure she would never lose such precious moments again. As the light made its way across her face, she didn’t want to give into the brightness she felt disrupting her sleep. She wanted just a little more.

She dreamt of Monica running through a wide field, sun shining and bubbles blowing into the air. She was younger, in the dream, than she was now. Carol felt bittersweet at the time she had missed but grateful that her daughter was growing, existing in such an unapologetic way. As Monica ran through the field, Carol watched her, aviators blocking the bright sun as she sat on the steps of their home, arms behind her as she thought of all the ways life was perfect in this moment. Maria walked out the screen door with drinks in her hand. A way too sweet lemonade for Monica and Carol, a lemon iced tea for herself. She bent down and kissed Carol on the top of her head, sitting next to her and handing her a drink. Carol sipped it, tasting a familiar sweetness as she pulled her sunglasses over her head, resting them in her soon to be tangled hair. Maria could make even the simplest things taste so good, she thought to herself, never having to say a word. They laughed as Maria called Monica over, before sipping her own drink. They looked up at each other with such knowing eyes, longing for connection. In this dream, there was no confusion, there was no awkwardness or uncertainty of certain boundaries. They leaned in to each other, ready to kiss as they both had a million times before, just as Monica skipped over and said "ewwww" and giggled in the way only she could. She sat between them and they all looked up at the setting sun, normal and happy and sure of all of it. Monica leaned her head on Carol's knee and sang whatever song she had learned in school that day. The mother's both filled with joy, bubbling up over top of them and pouring out of them. They were happy. They leaned in and kissed, finally, and it was as if nothing could ever be wrong.

As the sun broke through the drafty curtains and the shadows moved across the room letting the light sprawl across the women, Maria began to stir. She always woke up before her alarm clock, always against her will. She had been like that forever. This morning though, she didn't roll over to turn it off before it went off. She was just becoming aware of how softly entangled she was with Carols body, gratefully taking in the way the woman's skin meshed with her own. Through sleepy eyes she almost couldn't tell where hers ended and Carol's began. It was nice. Nicer than nice. It was right again. As it should be, she thought. She smoothed her hand over Carol's shoulder, realizing they had found their way to facing each other through the night. They were both sort of sweaty from the heat but unrelenting in holding each other, making sure most parts of them were touching no matter what. She looked over the woman, eyes running over the contours of her face and down her body, landing on her hips and running back up again to her bed head. No matter how many times Maria bought her a scarf or bonnet, she wouldn't wear it. She always said she couldn't sleep if she felt restricted, even though she would complain about having to detangle her curls every day. But she knew there was no way she was doing all that in space before and after every mission, she thought with an internal laugh. She was sure she just wanted easier access for Maria's fingers to find their way in and rub her head every night when she was home, just like it was before she was a space cadet. Besides, they slept like they were tied in a knot together - neither ever felt restricted then. She made a mental note to braid her hair back later, so at least she could avoid the tangles - even though she knew she would have to do it over and over again as it grew frizzy in the southern humidity. She tried to remember what she had dreamed about as she continued looking at the woman. She always dreamt about the two of them, sometimes it was good and sweet like them sitting on the front steps together watching Monica play, sometimes it was scary and dark, like the day she lost her all over again. No matter what it was, she always dreamed vividly when Carol was away - like she was living the moments herself. It had both helped and hindered her grieving, so lucidly living two lives: one where Carol was hers always, and one where she was still hers but wasn't there. Wasn't anywhere, she was afraid of for so long. She would wake up sweating with tears down her face every time, sometimes happy tears and sometimes not, but they always puddled in her when she regained consciousness, breaking the dam she built every day to contain herself. But whenever Carol did return to their house, it was like nothing could be sweeter or more real - sometimes even more daunting - than having her home, so she never dreamed when she slept in the same house as the woman, even when she tried. She was slightly startled out of her thoughts when Carol spoke up in her slightly raspy but almost innocent sleepy voice that Maria loved so much.

"Take a picture, it'll last ya' longer, ma'am."

She smirked at Maria with only one eye half way open, vision still blurry. Maria smiled big, white teeth on full display before she rebutted.

"That's my line. You always tryna be like me."

She said, pretending to flip her hair over her shoulder even though it was wrapped in her signature lilac satin scarf. It was her favorite color, even though no one ever expected it to be. No one ever expected her to be as soft as she was, for a lot of reasons, but mainly because she would never let them. No one but Carol, and even sometimes her too. The color reminded her of her mother, and she held onto it with both hands.

Both women smiled while Carol rubbed her eyes with one hand, holding Maria's with the other to the woman's surprise.

"Who wouldn't wanna be just like thee one and only Maria Rambeau."

Carol replied sincerely, planting a kiss on her hand. Maria felt a warm blush run over her face, a feeling no one else could produce in her. They locked eyes for a moment before Maria broke it.

She remembered that she had to go to work and her alarm would go off any second. She remembered that Carol would have to leave again, probably soon although they hadn't talked about it yet. She had only gotten home last night, just in time for dinner, with flowers in her hand that she had probably picked from some unsuspecting person's garden and a big smile. She also remembered the elephant in the room. They hadn't talked about their relationship, neither wanting to waste a moment together or risk Monica hearing them. They hadn't kissed or been intimate either, in far too long for both of them although they would never let on, unsure of where they stood though they both longed for each other in ways they couldn't even find enough words to describe if they tried. They had been too occupied on whatever was going on in front of them every time they had the chance to see each other since Carol came back. They had both been nervous to approach the subject, and had thus settled for somewhat awkward but 100% needy hugs and cheek kisses so far. Maria had all but tackled the woman when she first came home, after she was sure it was okay for her to embrace her. Even the last few times Carol was home, it had only been for a day or maybe two here and there every few months and after a while it had been almost a year. Carol made it home this time just 6 days shy of 12 months away. She had sent Monica and Maria flowers on their birthdays (quite strange to call some obscure flower shop in Louisiana from a communication device that could call almost anybody in the universe). All three had been surprised she even remembered their birthdays, let alone her own. They had lit a candle and blown it out together for Carol on her birthday, both sadly eating a cupcake and watching sit coms together that night. Maria had let Monica stay up later than normal out of sympathy for the young girl and maybe more so out of not wanting to be alone on a day they usually spent together for the past few decades. The flowers had notes promising to celebrate their birthdays when she made it back across the universe, addressed to 'Lt. Trouble' and 'The only Taurus I'll ever like, Captain Rambeau' which got a somber but real laugh out of both of them. But before all that, it was 6 years in-between when Carol went missing (or "died" as the Air Force liked to refer to it). Carol took a few weeks to even question if they were ever 'more than friends', so Maria played her part as the woman's best friend as she had for many years before. Carol was only brave enough to ask once, after they had hugged and already said their 'see ya laters'. Something in the way they embraced made her look at the woman and remember. She remembered more then than she had ever been able to. She placed a nervous hand on Maria's face and touched their foreheads together, desperate to understand, letting a tear roll down her cheek. She had started to ask but it got stuck in her throat, so Maria had wiped her cheek and gave her that all knowing smile. "Shh. Don't. We'll figure it out later. Go save the world, or the Universe. I'll be here when you get back, baby." She had whispered it so Monica wouldn't register it but she probably had. As they parted, Carol turned away and lifted off, knowing she had to rip herself away that very instance or she may never take flight again. Only turning back once she was far in the air, but not too far to look down and see Monica and Maria still standing there, holding each other while Monica pointed up at the sky. All Carol could manage was a final wave before she left the atmosphere faster than she could think.

Baby sat in Carol's mind for months after the fact, replaying it every free second she had. It played in Maria's too. She wasn't sure if she should've said it but she needed to say something or she thought she might drown in the thick Louisiana air. She missed her partner more than she had been really been able to endure, but at least she had her friend back, she reminded herself, so she did. She pushed forward, every day, knowing at least her Carol was out there somewhere and she'd have another chance. At least Monica had two parents again, kind of. Now, even though they hadn't talked about it, they had eased back into a different type of relationship, it just still wasn't exactly the same. It was and wasn't enough for the both of them. But it was also hard to purposefully face more difficult things when there was years worth of catching up to do, a shared daughter to raise, and entire galaxies between them more often than not. Most times Carol was home, all their time went to just being a family for as long as they could from sun up to the inevitable sun down.

Remembering all of this sent a small shiver up her spine and she refocused. She playfully pushed the woman's shoulder trying to break the tension she was sure they both felt and sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed right before her alarm went off. She felt flustered and borderline frustrated that Carol could be so goddamn charming even when she wasn't trying to be. Even with bed head and only partly aware of who she even was. She turned the alarm off after one beep and sighed, leaning her head back and yawning.

Carol missed her body being next to hers, aching at the abrupt disconnection between their skin. She watched as Maria pulled on an old oversized Air Force teeshirt over her bra and stood up, putting on her her pajama shorts with Santa on them that they had all pulled out last night with Monica, and started stretching. She knew why Maria pulled away, equally aware that there was much between them that needed tending too. She too, didn't want to keep living like they weren't even just a little bit more than friends, like they used to - only this time they both knew it wasn't true. Carol did remember somethings, she remembered - no, she knew what it felt like to be in love, to kiss, to be more than this. Only know, neither knew if that's what the other wanted back anymore, if the feelings remained. Carol was truthfully not even sure she was remembering correctly but she so badly hoped she was. So much time had passed, maybe things had changed in more ways than what was visible. It was almost worse, that way, wasn't it?

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆✰⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

While Maria was in the shower and getting ready, Carol made her way downstairs. Monica was still asleep but she would be up soon, always getting up just a bit after Maria did even when she was on break from school. She always said she didn't want to miss any 'explorin'' time, which could mean a plethora of things knowing Monica.

Carol walked down the stairs and looked out the front door, rubbing her eyes to adjust to the light. The sun was just fully making its way to the sky, creating moving shadows across the living room through the windows. It was beautiful. The house was so still, but so full of comfort. She walked over the the front door and looked out, opening the first door and then peaking her toes out the screen door. The days heat wasn't yet fully upon them, and she could smell the dewy grass all around them. Out of all the expansive space and all the planets she had seen, there was nothing like a deep southern morning to make you remember how beautiful things can be, she thought.

She questioned with herself whether she should check the mail, not sure if it was appropriate for her to do so. She knew there wouldn't be anything for her, as most of the people on the planet that even knew she existed either thought she was dead or forgot about her entirely. For a moment, she felt a wave of grief roll through her. She wanted normal again for the first time in a long time. She would even settle for the not really normal 'normal' that the Air Force provided. She would settle for a piece of mail, waiting for her to open, sitting in the mailbox she shared with her companion and child. Even if it was just jury duty or some scam trying to get her to get a credit card. She wanted it all back so bad, sometimes it made her forget why she ever left the planet in the first place. How much more justice did she have to bring to the universe before she could just be a human again? She reveled in what mundane life could be like, how exciting the not exciting routine of working a regular job, taking a kid to school and watching tv could be. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. It was too early in the day to have an existential crisis.

Thankfully, she turned around when she heard smaller feet pitter pattering against the hardwood floors upstairs and making their way down each stair not so gracefully. She smiled and nearly teleported over to the stairs to catch Monica before she jumped, as they always did. She lifted the girl, zooming her around the living room like she was flying. The once still room was now filled with matching giggles from both of them, just affirming Maria's comment about the two of them being almost too much alike to not actually be related.

"Good morning, Lt. Trouble! What's on the agenda today?"

Carol asked as she made her way into the kitchen and sat Monica on the edge of the counter top with a sound effect.

"Reporting for duty, Captain! Today's agenda includes catching more frogs and naming them, finishing my blueprints for my next invention, and climbing the big tree!"

Monica exclaimed, somehow still giggling. She kicked her feet back and forth as she sat, looking up at the woman before her with eyes bigger than they'd ever been. She was purely happy to have her mother home, and had no intention of leaving her side - which meant Carol would just have to catch the frogs and climb the tree, all while offering supportive feedback on the next Rambeau invention. Carol smiled at this, knowing all too well she had a busy day ahead of her. She always struggled to say no to both of the Rambeaus' in her life.

"Is breakfast on the agenda, too?"

Maria asked with a laugh, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter top next to Monica.

"Uhhh, sure but only if youuu cook it mama."

Monica says, trying not to hurt Carol's feelings but being authentic.

"Ouch! Is my cooking really that bad?"

Carol half laughs, half interrogates the pair in front of her. They both look at each other and somehow wince and smile at the same time. Maria points to the scorch marks above the stove left in wake of Carol's last attempt to cook dinner. It was Spaghetti, mind you. Carol laughs defeatedly.

"Hey! You can't prove it was me! Plus it came out good!"

"Yeah, after I remade it!"

Maria laughs out loud.

"Oh hush. It'll be good! I'll make my famous pancakes for you, and you'll both love them! Isn't that right Lt. Trouble?"

Monica looks at Maria, who just shrugs with a smile that says "good luck kid", before she answers.

"Give it your best shot, Captain."

She says with a smile. Carol accepts it, knowing they're right. As she laughs, she turns to the cupboards and looks around for pancake mix. Monica whispers to her other mother who is staring lovingly at Carol's back, watching her shirt lift up in the back as she reaches up to find what she's looking for.

"If I eat mama's breakfast, can I watch extra tv tonight?"

Maria fights back a laugh before nodding silently.

"I have super hearing too, remember?"

Carol says without turning around, still shuffling through the cabinet. Maria and Monica chuckle as Maria tussles Monica's hair and walks over to the other side of the kitchen.

"Wrong cabinet, Captain."

Maria teases as she turns on her coffee machine that she prepped the night before. Carol smiles and Monica grabs a new box of cereal from the cupboard above her and jumps down to sit at the table and starts solving the puzzles on the back.

Everything is good, its calm and lighthearted. Carol starts measuring ingredients (a few too many for boxed pancake mix) and starts whipping them together. Monica is sure that Carol added too many eggs, which she didn't really need to use but insists that it makes them fluffier, and continues with her puzzles. Maria looks through paperwork while she waits for her coffee. Once it's done brewing, she walks over to the cupboard that's right next to Carol and reaches up to grab her favorite mug. Carol's eyes meet the woman's chest as she reaches up and she almost doesn't look away. When she does, she hopes Maria hadn't caught her looking. She did, of course. She never misses a beat, but she chooses not to address it for how it might undo her whole morning routine. She daydreams about the woman pulling her in by her waist while she's reaching up, picking her up and kissing her. Rolling against the counter. She misses how they used to start their mornings, before Monica was awake. Passionate but slow, never rushing through movements even though they both risked being late. Maria shakes her head as she catches Carol's eyes on her way back down, daring to peak back at her again in an attempt to mask the first time. They both offer up soft and innocent smiles before carrying on. Carol whips the batter a little harder, almost too hard, feeling the whisk crack in her hand. At the same time, Maria spills a bit of coffee on her hand as she walks away, fighting to steady herself against her own thoughts. Monica watches them, laughing to herself as they both try to clean up their little messes.

"Allllrighty, first ones in."

Carol excites as she pours batter into a way too hot pan, hearing it sizzle. Everyone knows its going to burn, but Carol will make the excuse that its the first pancake and they all do that. Maria give a reassuring "mhm" over her mug as she chuckles, trying to support the woman. Monica will point out that Maria's never burn, and they'll all laugh while Carol ignores it, fidgeting away with the spatula.

When she pours the second one, she makes a cute M shape. It's messy but you can clearly make out what its meant to be, for the most part, and that's enough of a triumph for her. While it cooks, she pulls out a baby blue plate and the syrup from the cabinet she was in before and sets them on the table for Monica.

"Voila! Special delivery for Lt. Trouble!"

She slides the misshaped, almost burned but not quite pancake onto the plate with a big cheesy smile. A smile Maria takes in fully while she can, while Carol's focus is on Monica. Monica claps and digs in, opting to rip it up with her hands and dip it into the syrup rather than use a fork. Carol slides her a napkin.

"Wow! It actually tastes like food!"

Monica congratulates Carol, not meaning it to be a backhanded compliment like how it sounds, and lands a genuine a high-five on the woman's bigger hand.

"You know what? I'll take what I can get!"

Carol laughs.

"Can I whip you up a magical pancake, Captain Rambeau?"

Maria smiles, finishing her coffee and checking her watch. She was almost running late, which almost never happens. She was almost thankful to avoid another one of Carol's creations, but she would eat the pancake too if it meant she had more time with her girls.

"I'll have to take a raincheck. I gotta head out. Seems like the world always needs saving."

She smiled apologetically, walking over to place her empty cup in the sink. She leans down and plants a kiss on Monica's forehead, pulling her hair back from her face. She looks up to see Carol already looking at her, unsure of how they should part ways. Would a hug be too much? The kiss they both wanted danced between them, but they wouldn't dare. Monica watched them over her plate, interested to see how they would handle this too. She remembers more than Carol does, and more than Maria knows.

In an attempt to quell the impending awkwardness, Maria reaches out and pats Carols shoulder softly, before deciding that that's too friend zone-y. She slides her hand down the woman's arm to her hand and squeezes it twice, tighter the second time. She smiles and it means "It's good to have you home". Carol smiles back, and it means "I'm happy to be here, too". Maria walks towards the door and pulls on her jacket and puts her sunglasses on, aviators just like Carol's old ones in the box of belongings they kept. It makes Carol smile to herself, thinking about her dream.

"Not too much trouble today, okay Mon'?" Maria says, without fully turning around to acknowledge the two. She doesn't want to leave but someone's got to lead SWORD and she might actually need the time away to think.

"I can handle it, don't worry Captain."

Carol whistles out, smiling at Monica as she finishes her pancake rolling her eyes. The door closes behind Maria and she feels the sun on her face and lets out a happy sigh.

"I know."

She says, mostly to herself, but she remembers that super hearing too.

☄⋆｡°✩ *️ ⚛ *️ ✩°｡⋆☄

PART 2!

hi my loves. I wrote this whole thing, and realized it was incredibly long so I'm breaking it into two parts. you won't have to wait too long, I'll post it tomorrow! I sincerely hope you enjoyed this and I hope you read the next part when it's posted. please lmk what you think! I appreciate any and all feedback so pls pls pls lmk what you think!

I'll also be posting this to ao3 later today as well, and will add the second chapter on there as well. Also lmk if anybody wants to be tagged in part 2?? Idk lol. thank you for reading!!! 💕

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tk-duveraun · 9 months

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Lian and the Capitalist Fuckboy AU 1/?

1. 2. 3.

Rokkon Spoilers Adjacent

AKA. No Traumatic Backstory AU!

Context: Lian’s parents were together against the wishes of their own parents. They very much wanted to be married, but both of their families were influential and extremely against it. There wasn’t a great reason against the match, but once Lian’s parents started rebelling, both families doubled down.

Unfortunately, this only drove her parents to be more certain. In the end, they intentionally got pregnant to force the issue. This resulted in Lian. Lian’s grandparents had fraught relationships wit her parents for years.

By the time her first younger brother was born, Lian’s parents had been brought back into the fold and restored to their positions as their families’ respective heirs and her brother (and successive siblings) were given names with the generational character (Ming) like their cousins. Lian’s name, however, was not changed at this point. She was left without it because she was her parents darling, cherished, first child and her grandparents didn’t want their displeasure to be forgotten.

(this didn’t stop her grandparents from doting on her, but the undercurrents were there, you know)

The divergence comes when Lian is ~22. In most universes, she catches the Blue Tongue Flu, brings it back to her city and disaster, but in this one she simply didn’t contract the illness from her hyur contact.

Starting around age 18, Lian met with her parents’ contacts on the surface and learned business first hand. It didn’t take long for her parents to realize she could understand all of the foreign languages perfectly. When presented to the community elders and when combined with her gift for magic, they declared her Blessed by the Moonlight (what they called the Blessing of Light).

She was then pulled between expanding her skills as a merchant and expanding the family business now that they wouldn’t have to deal with communication issues and the Elders’ insistence that she focus solely on her magic to one day take on a position as one of their own.

After the trouble caused by her parents’ marriage, Lian has come firmly down on the side of filial piety so she only practices as much magic as her grandparents instruct and devote the rest of her time to their businesses.

By the time the Seventh Calamity strikes the world, Lian’s family business has an official office in Kugane where their long-term partners are equal parts disgruntled (to have their business shared among others) and pleased (more and better goods). While Lian is the primary figure at the Kugane office (thanks to the Echo), her erdi Mingyun and sidi Minghong are functionally fluent in Hingan and often take shifts on the surface.

One year after the Calamity, there’s a huge scuffle on one of the piers in Kugane. While Lian usually stays out of such things, she felt a surge of highly attuned aether and went running. She quickly boarded one of the Kraken’s Arms’ ships and saved captain and crew from a nasty Ananta relic that they’d bought from a shady contact of their own.

Carvallain was encouraged by his local friends to acknowledge a life debt to Lian and they made an agreement that Lian, as a master mage, would look over relics the Kraken’s Arms brought into port, sorting them into Dangerous, Just Enchanted, and Actually Worthless It Just Sparkles along with first crack at purchasing any she wanted.

With her elaborate hanfu, xizhang and bright disposition new arrivals to Kugane don’t recognize her as a merchant at all. It’s like this that she first meets Hancock in the small museum open to foreigners. She clocks him immediately as a merchant, but approaches as a friendly fellow-foreigner. She listens attentively as he explains what he knows of the pieces, what is commonly known in Eorzea about such things and his thoughts based on the academic writings he’s come across. In turn, Lian details her own people’s perspective and thoughts on the Hingan art and goes into depth about the painted screen donated by her great-grandparents and still on display.

The next time they meet, Hancock is eating in the market, a variety of local foods spread out on the table in front of him. He’s still making his way through trying everything. Hancock compliments Lian on her Eorzean and she explains she has a gift that lets her communicate with people in any language and she doesn’t quite control it. If someone speaks to her in Hingan, she will respond in Hingan, but she won’t know what language she’s speaking in, only that it’s not her own, so while she suspected they had been speaking in Eorzean she had no way of being sure.

Hancock, of course, has read mentions of the Echo before and explains what the Eorzeans think about the gift, as much as he knows, at least. At this point, he is certain that she is an adventurer, dressing nice both to impress future clients and to show off her successes.

It later, when he’s trying to make a deal with a Hingan merchant, that Lian arrives for a meeting with that self-same merchant, still immaculately put together, but this time trailed by visible servants and a made-up assistant. Hancock is quickly ushered out, so quick he hasn’t even settled on his reaction.

In the end, he’s charmed that he’s been fooled. He’s observant and well-trained from Ul’dah, but this is far from the first example of him not accounting for the massive cultural differences. He makes an appointment with her offices to see her, but when they meet in a business context, Lian is all sharp politeness and refusals to make any deals with the East Aldenard Company. Her people have no interest in his goods and have several very good export contracts already.

He good-naturedly teases her about how differently she acts in a professional setting and they are somewhat friends.

While Hancock does ask her for advice on dealing with Hingans, she is bolstered by generations of contracts and a culture much more closely related to Hingan. They keep the relationship purely social, though Hancock will occasionally ‘shoot his shot’ at a business deal, it is mostly for a joke.

Lian takes to cooking for him because she’s a consummate older sister and, if she’s being honest, more than a little lonely being separated from her large family. She knows it’s for the best, given the Echo and the competitive advantage it gives her, but she is still a stranger in a strange land, even if her home is much closer than his.

Eventually, Hancock makes a romantic overture, and Lian doesn’t react immediately. She’s pleased, she’s concerned, she’s confused, it’s a lot. No one’s been romantically interested, that she knows about, and this is... not how it’s done back home. There’s a process. Rituals. All of both families are involved and it’s more-or-less only pursued as a precursor to marriage.

But... She has been in Kugane for several years. She is friendly with Carvallain, she is aware that the rest of the world does not do things in the same way. Shyly, she explains the broad strokes of that to Hancock, who is nothing but polite about it. He doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable or push against cultural boundaries. Despite how ruthless he is in the business world, Lian does believe him based on their interactions up to this point.

She tells him she’ll think about it.

Her eventual conclusion is that what her grandparents don’t know won’t hurt them and while Hancock isn’t personally going to gain her any leverage via a relationship, exploring how other people court can’t really hurt, right?

#lian feng #hancock fitzgerald #ffxiv #wol adjacent #capitalist fuckboy au

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marley-manson · 1 year

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good things about Bug Out:

- Hawkeye nervous about performing a delicate proceedure he’s never been trained in and snapping at people, always one of my favourite things

- Hawkeye freely and emphatically telling Margaret he’s terrified when she points out he’s not acting scared

- uhhhhh Hawkeye’s parasol

bad things about Bug Out:

- it’s a bad episode bront

- Potter

- “This is the US army, if we want land, we don’t buy it we take it!” with 0 condemnation from the narrative.

- the military march version of the theme complete with asian stereotype riff

- WHY does Margaret stay with Hawkeye, and why does Hawkeye only offer one token protest????????? she is useless here.

- even more emphatic WHY DOES RADAR STAY???? Hawkeye doesn’t even say a word, he’s just like ‘k cool’ when Radar says he’s staying too, wtf lol. He should be picking him up and throwing him into the nearest truck, not buying him a drink at Rosie’s. it’s so arbitrary and stupid, clearly a nonsensical plot contrivance for the sake of like, padding the 2 parter out with the bar scene

- Potter makes Klinger give up all his dresses, no reimbursement or anything, and then it turns out to be pointless in the next scene anyway

- bad attempted dramatic references to wartime rape esp when we got Rainbow Bridge to compare it to. Rainbow Bridge is good because it’s a brief acknowledgement of harsh reality that’s accepted as a risk. Hawkeye makes a quick joke that I’m fine with bc it serves as an ic expression of nervousness, then we move on. In Bug Out Margaret brings it up in a serious enough way suitable for the tone, but Hawkeye dismisses her concern for some reason, telling her “there’s no reason to be afraid,” before the conversation shifts away onto him. Then the more slapstick-y panic at the end (like this scene features Radar trying to hide behind a pole, c’mon) includes Margaret screaming about being ravaged ft a dismissive Hawkeye joke (”tell them you’re with me”), and later exaggerating the danger they were in to Frank. And it also bugs me that Margaret specifies “female prisoners” when Rainbow Bridge acknowledged male rape. It’s like it’s trying to be a serious moment to draw attention to the danger of the situation, and then falls flat on its face.

- the overall plot doesn’t really make sense? is it just a coincidence that a bug out drill turned into a bug out rumour that was denied and then turned into a real bug out? considering they bug out like twice over the course of the show that seems pretty improbable lol.

- honestly I find the humour in this episode mostly bad. more racist jokes than usual, a few homophobic moments (Potter calling some singer a sissy, BJ’s “I’m staying with you but don’t get me wrong” no homo, everyone calling Frank Alice), and an offputting tone that doesn’t successfully balance its humour and its drama imo (see that paragraph about rape up there for an example)

- oh also why tf does Klinger immediately tell Frank about the bug out thing, without even mentioning the fact that it’s just a drill? I get that Klinger can’t keep a secret, that’s a fairly consistent thing, but why immediately go to Frank and Margaret of all people? Did he intentionally want the camp in an uproar? Why, if so? If it’s a prank we should’ve had a scene where he laughs about it, but nope.

- Hawkeye parking the car to wax poetic about the MASH good lord. serves you right that it stalled out. I don’t necessarily think it’s that ooc since it wasn’t positive, just ‘we spent a lot of time here, lots of ppl died here, hmm’ but i do think it’s dumb as shit and I don’t think Hawkeye lacks that much self-preservation

- no good gay jokes either :/ literally the best we got is Hawkeye saying, “You finally realized I have a beautiful body” after Margaret says she’s staying, which is the mildest of feminizing jokes.

It’s funny honestly, I remembered disliking this episode for Potter and the pro-military flavour and the lack of decent gay jokes, but upon rewatching there are so many more aspects to hate in addition to that

#mash #marley on mash #mash s5 #i needed to complain lol #it's bad in comparison to most of mash tbf it's still a decently entertaining episode of television that's mostly ic #but boy it's one of my least faves and it's in such a bad position - ushering in a new showrunner like oof #i mean i think of season 5 fondly with this as somewhat of an egregious anomaly but still

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nami-writes · 1 year

Text

[ an apple | a day | (keeps the doctor) away ]

content warnings: abuse (w/ belt), starvation, begging, breakdown, crying, emeto, bad caretaker, brief suicidal ideation, self-injury (banging head against surface)

“Able to eat your lunch today?” Guard asks as soon as the previous guard rounds the corner. He brought two sandwiches today. After almost two weeks of offering Villain an apple for lunch, he finally decided that just an apple a day isn’t enough edible food to survive. No wonder all Villain does all day is sit slumped against the wall or laid on the floor. He can’t have enough energy to move much more.

“...Enough,” Villain mumbles. “Can I just, um, save it? For dinner. Dinner’s… harder.”

“No apple today. It wouldn’t be enough for dinner anyway.” Through the bars, he sees Villain’s face fall. “I meant I brought a sandwich instead.”

Confusion. “Oh.” Then his eyes light up just a little bit. “A… a sandwich?”

“Yeah. I usually eat one for lunch.” He holds one of the sandwiches up in front of the bars. “You sure you wanna save it for dinner?”

“Yes,” Villain says eagerly, “yes, please, sir.”

He shrugs. “If you say so.”

Villain doesn’t offer any more conversation. Fine by him. He assumes his position to the side of the door.

He has a much longer shift today. The night shift guard quit yesterday on too-short notice, just hours after news of the heroes’ latest loss spread. They needed a night shift guard and nobody else was up to the job. Guard accepted on the condition that he gets a break to eat dinner. So today, he stays overnight and goes home in the morning. He hopes sleeping in this morning will help him stay awake for the next couple of hours.

He eats one half of his sandwich as slowly as he can, just to drag out the time he spends eating it, but it doesn’t help. He eats the second half normally.

When that’s gone, he scrolls on his phone to pass the time. He hopes there’s no reason to be worried Villain will try anything stupid anymore, now that Guard is his only source of decent food.

Headlines on the heroes’ failure yesterday flood his screen as far as he can scroll. Something about a building destroyed in a fight, and not just because of the fight— intentionally used as a shield while people were still inside. An article clarifies what details are known; Supervillain beamed it down to get to the heroes hiding behind it. They couldn’t save the people inside the building and capture Supervillain at the same time. In the end, they accomplished neither.

That explained why they were all so worn out upon their return yesterday. They even seemed snappy when asking Guard to take the night shift. Unprofessional, he has to admit. They shouldn’t have been fighting anywhere near populated buildings anyway, much less using one as a shield.

The comments under the article are filled with criticism and concern. A few also work for the heroes and want to go on strike, force them to do more to repair the damage done. He shuts off his phone.

Villain lies motionless on the floor save for the rise and fall of his chest. Guard still can never tell when he’s awake. “Hey. You look like shit.”

His breathing stills and he opens his eyes. He looks like he’s torn between confusion and fear, like he isn’t sure if Guard is mad.

He gets to the point. “You sure you don’t want to eat now?” he asks. “Your sandwich is cut in half, you could have half now and half for dinner.”

“No,” he says too quickly, sitting up. “I-I won’t have enough for dinner. I just… want to save it until then. Please. Sir.”

He frowns. “Why is it so difficult for you to eat the food here anyway? I mean, it looks awful but it has to be edible, right?”

“Feel sick,” he mumbles.

“Every time you eat?”

He nods. He doesn’t elaborate.

“Why? Is the food really just that bad?”

He shrugs.

“Well, that’s helpful.”

“Sorry— I’m sorry, sir,” he says in a panic at Guard’s sarcasm. “I just— I-I don’t know, I swear. I don’t want to, to throw up every meal, I just, um, I can’t help it, I… they p-punish me for it, I’m not trying to— I wouldn’t do it if I could help it.”

He’s practically pleading for Guard to believe him at this point and Guard regrets the sarcasm. “Okay, I get it, I get it. You don’t know. I was just curious.”

“I-I’m not doing it to get food out of you, if— if that’s what you think—”

“I said I get it, alright?” Guard almost snaps but manages to keep his calm. It’s not that serious. Villain is just scared. “It’s fine.”

Villain swallows his concerns. “Yes sir. I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Maybe he shouldn’t have relied on Villain to help him pass the time. Now he’s just annoyed.

He can tell Villain wants to apologize again, probably beg for forgiveness too, but he steps away from the window and out of sight. Villain gets the message.

His dinner arrives some time later and Guard slides it under the door. Villain stares painfully at the tray. Then Guard slips in the bagged sandwich and Villain’s eyes light up with surprise.

“You— you’re still—?”

“What?”

Villain grasps at the words. “I thought— y-you seemed mad, I didn’t think— I thought you weren’t going to give me the sandwich, because I… I made you mad.”

“Christ, Villain, I’m not that petty,” he scoffs. “Just eat.”

Villain nods eagerly, picking up the sandwich. “Yes, sir!”

He checks the time. One of the heroes should be getting here anytime now to take his place so he can eat his own dinner.

Minutes pass and down the hall someone turns the corner. Hero. Finally. He walks down to meet him halfway, exchanges a polite nod and his thanks for taking over for a bit, and makes his way to the kitchen.

He’s not used to this kitchen, so he digs in the refrigerator and cabinets for something quick and easy to make. He settles for boxed macaroni and cheese. It takes barely half an hour to finish eating before he’s heading back to Villain’s cell.

And heading toward the sound of a familiar voice begging for mercy.

“Please! Please, I'm sorry!” Guard hears a snap and cries of pain. “I'm s-sorry! I won’t do it again, swear, I swear! I'm sorry, please, please!”

Guard breaks into a sprint. It’s undeniably Villain, and Hero is supposed to be watching him. Nobody else is in the hall. Did someone get past him?

Hero isn’t standing outside the cell when Guard gets there. Instead, the door is open and Hero’s back is to him, bright supersuit eerie in the dark cell. His arm is held up only to come down with the snap of what Guard is sure is a whip. Where the hell he got a whip from, Guard doesn’t know or care. “Hero? What’s going on?”

“Guard,” Hero turns and greets him halfheartedly. It’s not a whip. It’s a belt. “Where’d the sandwich come from?”

Villain’s cowering behind him, shirt off exposing his marred back streaked with blood as he sobs. Both halves of the barely-eaten sandwich sit on the floor by Hero’s feet, crushed under a dirty footprint. A pool of vomit dries next to Villain.

He forgot. He forgot. He isn’t supposed to be giving Villain food and he gave him the sandwich just before he switched out with Hero. They’re caught.

Still, Guard frowns, hardening his expression. “Me. I gave it to him.”

“I’m giving you one warning,” Hero scowls. “Your job is to guard this piece of shit. Not to mess with his diet. We keep him malnourished so he can’t break out and start wreaking havoc with Supervillain. Do this again, put everyone in this city at risk again, and I’ll put you in this cell myself.”

Anger twists in Guard’s gut but he holds his mouth in a tight line. “Understood.”

“Good.” He holds the belt out to him. “You want to finish him off?”

Villain’s eyes snap up and the pure terror and desperation behind the tears send a chill down Guard’s spine. “No. Thanks.”

“Suit yourself.”

Hero threads the belt back through the loops on his pants and walks out, shutting the door behind him. “I’ll send a doctor in tomorrow night to make sure he doesn’t die.” He leaves without another word.

When Guard’s sure he's far enough away, he scrambles to unlock the door and rush inside, sidestepping the vomit. Villain’s crumpled in a ball on his knees, hands covering his head as he sobs. Fresh red welts and blood cover his back alongside old scars and bruises and what even looks like burn marks Guard has never seen.

“N-no more,” he whines pitifully. “Please, sir, please, no more, I'm sorry, I w-won’t do it again, I, I-I won’t, I won’t, please!”

He babbles inconsolably and trembles so hard Guard’s hesitant to touch him. He’s afraid the contact will make him blow up or fall apart, though right now it seems the latter is already happening.

“Please, ‘m sorry, s-sorry, I’m sorry…” Apologies fall out of his mouth almost faster than he can say them. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to stop.

“Hey,” he snaps his fingers, “it’s fine. Look. Hero’s gone. I’m not hurting you.” He doesn’t know what to do. This wasn’t in the job description. Maybe he shouldn’t have snapped his fingers— Villain isn’t a dog.

It gets his attention well enough, though. Fearful eyes lock onto Guard and his entire body freezes mid-plea, unsure whether to be even more terrified or relieved. Then he glances down at the puddle of vomit and the ruined sandwich and he settles for terror. “I’m sorry— I’m so sorry, I d-didn’t mean to, to get caught, I wasted t-the sandwich, he— he made me throw up so I c-couldn’t, couldn’t eat any of it, I couldn’t stop him, I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to waste it, I didn’t, I w-wasted it…”

He dissolves into sobs so incoherent Guard can’t make out words anymore. “It’s fine, Villain, really. It’s fine. It’s not your fault, I knew Hero was coming but I didn’t think ahead. I just, uh… god, what do I do? Should I leave you alone? Do you—”

“No,” he chokes out. “Please. Please, please don’t leave me. I-I don’t… I know I’m selfish, I s-shouldn’t ask, but— please. I can’t, I c-can’t do it anymore.”

“...Okay,” Guard says and sits down next to him. Careful not to touch the dirty shoe marks, he picks up each half of the sandwich and puts them both on the untouched dinner tray. “What can’t you do anymore?”

“I can’t stay here, I can’t stay like— like this,” he wails. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, they won’t just let me die!” He slams a fist on the ground but when that doesn’t offer enough relief he bangs his head into the ground instead.

“Hey!” Guard’s hands shoot out to grab his shoulders and hold him back from a second attempt. “Shit! Don’t do that!”

He flinches hard at the sudden hold on him and almost twists away but thinks better of it. “Sorry, I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry.” He sniffles, wipes his eyes and then his face. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just stop apologizing. And don't do that again.” Villain gives a small nod in response and Guard takes his hands off of him. For a second, he thinks Villain tries to follow his touch.

It’s pitiful. It’s awful, really. Villain has been here for a while, around a year or two before Guard came around, but details of his captivity have never been released. Now he sees why. He’s a husk of the villain he once was. He’s a husk of the person he once was, and just two weeks ago he wouldn’t have seen Villain as a person at all.

“I, uh… I want to help,” he starts. He doesn’t know where he’s going with this.

“You can’t.” Though his voice is hoarse, Villain says it so simply. “The only way you could help is if you broke me out, and… you can’t do that. You won’t.”

“Give me a day.”

They’re both surprised at the declaration, but Guard doubles down.

“One day, and I’ll have you out by tomorrow night,” he says. “That’s all I need.”

Villain stares. “But— you’ll lose your job. I-I’m a criminal, you’ll get yourself in trouble with the law and with the Heroes, it’ll just be a waste of your time and they’ll catch me anyway and hurt us both and—”

“Hey, calm down,” he says before Villain can spiral further. “I’ll… figure something out. Just trust me.”

He knows it’s unconvincing but Villain swallows as he contemplates the offer. He searches Guard’s face for any sign of a lie. “Don't— please don't give me hope. You’re the only… nobody's been k-kind to me in, in so long, and you— you don’t know what the Heroes can do.”

“Other than beat you?” The blood trickles down his back now that he’s sitting up.

“This isn’t the worst of it,” he mumbles. “This isn’t that bad at all.”

“You’re bleeding,” Guard counters. “You might get an infection sitting in this dirty cell. You should go to the infirmary. We shouldn’t wait until tomorrow, maybe they can—”

“No!” He recoils like Guard hit him. “No, don’t, please, don’t take me to the infirmary. Please, they’ll just make it worse.”

He holds up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Fine. I won't take you there. But you should get your injuries checked out. Your back doesn't look good.”

“It’s fine,” he almost pleads. “It's not that bad. It’ll be fine. I don’t need the infirmary. And I don't need Hero to send a doctor. I just… I just need everything to stop.”

“...Okay,” Guard sighs. “Okay. Just give it a day.”

Villain nods, resigned, and then guiltily eyes the drying vomit. “The, um, janitor should be coming soon. ‘M sorry, about that. I didn't mean to, I didn't… I didn't know you'd be coming back.”

“Don't be. I get it. Night shift was news to me too.”

He leaves Villain to curl up on his side in the cell. He's right; the janitor comes soon enough, cleans up what hasn't dried to the floor already and takes the tray with uneaten prison food and the stomped-on sandwich. All that's left to prove any of this ever happened is the new stain on the floor that'll soon blend in with the old ones and the welts on Villain’s back that'll be gone in a few days. To Guard, this was an awful thing to witness, but to Villain, this must've just been a regular fucking Tuesday. He doesn't even know how often this really happens.

Still, at least Guard was here this time. At least he could be here for Villain, just this one time.

#writing #original writing #whump #cw abuse #cw starvation #cw begging #cw breakdown #cw emetophobia #cw bad caretaker #cw suicidal ideation #man writing the boring parts of a long boring shift is. boring #but its ok things are getting going now

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evvlevie · 2 years

Note

Hi again! :) thank you for replying to me I have a few other questions.When you’re in your DR can you stay forever? What happens to your life CR when you shift ? When In your DR can you change the past from decades age ? Will it reflect in the present? TY!

Hey girlie! Let's learn some shifting basics, should we? 🫂💖

"when you are in your DR can you stay forever?"

→ Yes you absolutely can. In shifting terms this is considered permanent-shifting or perma-shifting. It's when you are shifting to a reality that you plan on staying on for a permanent period of time, as the name already suggests. You can script that the "new" reality will become your new CR as soon as you arrive or you can just never shift back to this CR. A term you might want to look into is "Respawning". That's when you shift to a different reality, and intentionally script, that you do not have any memories about your old CR, or about the fact that you shifted into the other reality in the first place. A good middle-ground is permanent-shifting into your 50's reality and scripting that you forgot what exactly you scripted. Sometimes people like to script what they want in the future to happen, and if you want you can determine, that you are unaware of the future events that will happen, but you still remember this CR.

"what happens to your life in this CR when you shift"

→ What happens is basically what is already happening in all other realities that you exist in. A thing you need to understand, is that every single universe/reality with you in it, is happening parallel to this one. You do exist in other universes and realities too, but you just aren't aware of them. You aren't aware of what you are doing in XYZ-Reality, or in the ABC-Reality, but you are doing something, and something is happening, that's for sure. For this reason, shifters like to say that you aren't creating a different reality in which you insert yourself into. You are only specifying of which reality you want to be consciously aware of. In fact you are never creating a reality. All of those realities you are somewhat part of, already exist. you are only gaining consciousness of those other ones when you're shifting. So what your CR-You does, once to gain consciousness in another reality, is nothing different from what you would usually do. Shifters call that a clone. But you need to realize that your clone is you. you but you just aren't experiencing it. Your personality is the exact same, you do the exact same choices you'd do anyway and this clone is just you, but without your consciousness experiencing it.

"when in your DR can you change the past from decades age? And will it reflect in the present?"

→ Yes, you absolutely can. You can do absolutely anything and everything. You can script whatever you want. You can script that you will have something major happen to you, that will 100% reflect in the present in some way, but you aren't time traveling. You are just experiencing a different reality in which that happened/ didn't happen. Keep in mind that whatever happened in this reality, is already done. For example, Draco Malfoy could never shift to this reality in particular because in this one he is fictional. Just like if you were to kill Baby-H!tler and prevent the entire ho(ocaust, this could not reflect in this reality right here, because in this one nobody killed him, and the events played out the way they did. There is a reality in which the climate change never became an issue, and you can happily shift there, but it just won't be this exact one, because in this reality climate change is already a problem. See what I am trying to tell you here? If you were to shift to the 50's and invent a money tree, the consequences of that would never play out in our reality, because in our reality the past is already determined.

As per usual I hope, that I was able to help you ❣️ a lot of love and positive vibes,

Evie <3

#baby shifter #shifting realities #shifting community #reality shift #reality shifting #shifting #current reality #manifestation #shifting basics

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guesst · 2 years

Note

“ i’ve… made some mistakes. “ those 12 people that izuku manslaughtered but didn't really in world heroes mission? That was rody. It was an accident

“I’ve… made some mistakes.”

Midoriya looks sideways at Rody, shadows flickering across his face from the small fire they’ve set up in the cave. He stays silent, only shifting to make himself slightly more comfortable on the hard stone of the floor.

Rody stares fixedly at his shoes, hunching further into himself. “I don’t… I don’t know why I’m, uh. Why I’m telling you this.”

Pino chirps anxiously from Rody’s hair.

“O-or, I guess, I’ll start with, um. Did you…” Rody takes in a sharp, juddering breath. “Did you ever wonder why I’d ever – why I didn’t, uhm, protest when you… when you told me you were wanted for murder – why I thought it would be okay to come with you? Why I didn’t run away?”

“I thought it was because you were accused of being my accomplice? You’re also wanted, no?”

“I mean, yeah, but, y’know… there were 12 people that, that died, right? How am I supposed to know you-” a convulsive gulp of air - “-that you didn’t really k-kill them?”

Midoriya hums quietly. “Well, I suppose you’ll tell me?”

Rody falls completely silent at Midoriya’s question, eyes widening and breath coming in short, staccato bursts. Pino puffs up, the trembling of his feathers stark against the chocolate brown of Rody’s hair.

“You don’t have to,” Midoriya says gently. He readjusts his position, reaching out towards the other boy. “Not if you don’t want to. I-”

“I killed them!”

Midoriya’s eyes widen. Whatever he’s about to say is forgotten immediately in the wake of Rody’s confession.

“I killed them,” Rody repeats, shifting his gaze to his hands. They’re shaking. “They were going to kill me first, so I…”

“You got them first,” Midoriya says, “before they got you.”

Rody turns his head to the hero-in-training beside him. Midoriya meets his gaze with complete sincerity.

“You acted in self defense. And that’s okay.”

A pause, then – “No, it’s not! I killed twelve people at once! In what world is that okay!?”

“In my world.”

“...What?”

Midoriya smiles with the innocence of a baby rabbit. “Rody, I’ve been killing people since I was eight. Usually not intentionally –”

“Usually!?”

“– but the point is, you’re not alone.”

Pino flits nervously around Rody as he scrambles backwards, away from the only other person in the cave. “You’re insane.”

Midoriya has the audacity to look taken aback. “But I – I already told you, most of them were accidents!”

“The word that concerns me is most! What kind of hero commits murder and gets away with it?”

“If I told you the story, would that make you feel better?”

Rody is pressed against the wall of the cave, as far as he can get from Midoriya without actually leaving the cave. His palms are clammy – he really hopes he isn’t leaving, like, sweat stains on the wall (what a strange thought to have, a distant voice in is head notes) – but God, if only he could leave.

But he can’t.

He has to get back to Roro and Lala. They’re waiting for him. And, much as the thought fills him with horror, this boy in front of him, sitting with bloodstained hands at a small campfire – Midoriya is his only way out.

So he cannot say anything but “yes.”

toc | next

#yellow’s mailbox #yellow writes #panda shits 40 times a day #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #murderer iida au #bnha au #i promise even if the toc and next dont link to anything right now thats because im wriitn gout the next bits and ive never done tumblr #fics before so idk how it works. sorry besties

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coffeeman777 · 2 years

Note

Kreg,

Singleness is causing me to have crippling loneliness. It’s gotten to the point where I have bouts of depression. I have conditioned myself to kill the hope that I will ever find a spouse. Anytime I dare to think that I have a chance, I shut it down quickly to try and help myself cope. My logic is: if I can repress it now, it’ll lessen the sting as I grow older.

I’m 26 and all I hear about at my age are the people I grew up with getting engaged, married, and even starting families left and right. Meanwhile I still live with my mom, I’ve only had my first job for one year, don’t even know how to drive, have only 1 best friend, and 0 men in my life (people are usually exaggerating when they say this, but I’ll tell you I really do mean ZERO).

I cry myself to sleep many nights and it’s so hard to lean on God; it’s like I don’t even have the energy to do so. People say 26 is still “young” but I beg to differ. I see so many Christian women in their 30s & 40s and still waiting for their husbands. I see them and I really truly believe that I will be just like them very soon.

I guess what I want to ask is, how can I cope with this for a lifetime?

First, let me say that I'm very sorry that you're suffering like you are. I know your situation isn't an easy one. I'll be praying for you.

Second, to directly answer your question, you cope with it the same way you would cope with any of the many challenges that come our way in life: you focus on the positive, continually thank God for all the good things in your life, and keep an eternal mindset while you busy yourself with the work of the Gospel.

When you cultivate an attitude of thankfulness by forcing yourself to see all the good things God does for you, you will over time experience a shift in perspective that combats depression and generally gives you a positive outlook. It is for our good that the Lord tells us to be constantly thanking God for what He does for us; when thankfulness becomes a habitual practice, it really does change the way we see things. Our difficulties and challenges don't seem to be as bad.

If you also maintain an eternal mindset (and by that I mean intentionally and continually being mindful of the fact that as a Christian, you have eternal life in Christ and that the mundane, day to day stuff of this present life, both good and bad, cannot even be compared to the overwhelming glory of the eternity that we will experience with God), the bad stuff we suffer doesn't really seem that bad. This entire life, from birth to death, for most of us won't reach a hundred years; and after we pass through death, we'll experience the resurrection and live for unceasing millennia in a state of boundless joy with Jesus and all of our brothers and sisters. This life, when held up to the eternal life that's coming to us, is like a tiny drop of water in an endless sea. That being the case, how can we say that the hard parts of this life are too much?

Finally, don't give up hope. Trust the Lord. Follow Him. Focus on Him and on doing His will. Pray for what you want, and be open to what God may bring you. You don't know what God has planned for you. It may be that you'll end up living a celibate life (which is in reality a blessing; consider Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7). But it also may be that God will send you someone, if you trust Him and stay open.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Be blessed!

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t5ltherapy · 5 months

Text

#Mindfulness #negativethinkingpatterns #RadicalSelfAcceptance

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kpophubb · 2 years

Text

𝕊𝕂ℤ 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖~🤍

Sᴋᴢ Rᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ s/ᴏ ɪs ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs

ᘜᗴᑎᖇᗴ: 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏,𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏 ♡︎ {𝑜𝑡8 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟}

------------------------☾㋛♡︎☽------------------------------

ⒷⒶⓃⒼⒸⒽⒶⓃ :~

The sweetest man ever. He’s always thoughtful, caring, gentle, loving and tends to your needs before you even voice it out or express it. So, you don’t even have to say it, by seeing your slightest change in behaviour upon the new trending twt about chan being lovey dovey with stays on their very recent fanmeet, he could see you were boiling inside. It’s not that he doesn’t find you adorable when you’re pouting and frowning at him from a distance trying to pretend everything’s ok by not coming off as too dramatic, but chan is more concerned about your feelings that always come first to him. He was worried whether you felt too sad or insecure, so he went upto you, hugging you from behind, hands wrapped around your waist and chin rested on your shoulder. “Baby are you mad at me?” He whispered softly into your ear, with an apologetic yet loving tone. It’d be a lie if you said this didn’t melt you instantly but you still managed to put up a bold front. You let go of his grip and turned towards him.“no, chan. Why will I be mad?” He smiled at your cute expression, before holding your hand and leading you to the bedroom. He gestured you to sit down at the end of the bed and left to get something from the kitchen. After a few minutes, he arrived with a plate of food and seated himself beside you and pulled your waist, positioning you in between his legs. “I know you’re jealous and mad because I flirted with a lot of stays today. Probably why you sulked the whole day and when you sulk? You always take it out on food. So don’t worry baby. I’ll feed you now! Gaaaosh you must be so hungry.” He exclaimed. Before you could react, chan pecked your cheeks and took a spoonful of rice to feed you. “You know I’m yours and only yours y/n so don’t be mad next time <3” he gave you the most reassuring and warmest smile.

Ⓜ︎ⒾⓃⒽⓄ:~

Just minho being minhoe. So he’s back to his usual couple romance with han, throwing pick up lines at him and spanking his butt every now and then and trust me, he does it intentionally to make you jealous because he just finds it so adorable. He laughs at you a lot and extends his pranks by slowly shifting his flirty session from han to seungmin and hyunjin, ocassionally staring at you mockingly to get your reaction. But trust me he loves you a lot and won’t overdo it (messing with you is just his guilty pleasure and twisted love language). Hence, as you leave the room with an upset and annoyed expression, he follows you immediately after. When you two reach a corridor with no one but you, minho grabs your hand and gives you a tight and cute hug. You reluctantly try to break away and scoff “get away from me.” before pushing him away. “Hmph seems like my baby is mad. Well then,Let me make it up to her” he slyly shrugs. Then, Your oh so romantic boyfriend pins your hands with the wall behind you gently yet intimately and leans in to give you a passionate kiss. You give up soon, letting his lips remind you who he belongs to over and over again. 💞😳

ⒸⒽⒶⓃⒼⒷⒾⓃ:~

Another sweetheart. It would take some time for him to realize that you’re mad at him and jealous about other people getting his love and attention more than you sometimes. But once he realizes it, he’d start being super nice to you. From brushing your hair, patting your head to planting forehead kisses and cheek kisses whenever he gets a chance to, he’d do everything. And ofcourse, look at you in tiny with a face like “🥺”. So, it’s impossible to remain mad at binnie. Or feel jealous for a long time since he will do anything and everything possible to make you feel that you’re the most loved. He’s so sweet that even after your jealousy dissolves, he’s gonna show up at your doorstep with a bouquet of your favourite flower and give you a big happy smile and a tight cozy hug. “I love you so much and only you baby and I hope you know that always and forever.”

ⒽⓎⓊⓃⒿⒾⓃ:~

Ok, so he low-key enjoys it a lot. And teases you about it. You were there to cheer them on for their next show and when you walked in to the room, you found the stylist noona flirting with hyunjin. It was nothing too much, just a compliment and pat on the chest, but it was enough to set your fragile heart on fire. You pouted at him displeasingly and he obviously got the hint. Hyunjin found you so adorable, he couldn’t help but smile at you. He was secretly proud of himself that he could make YOU jealous as you aren’t a jealous type naturally. You ignore him throughout the day and he tries to approach you several times.At one point, he stops texting you repeatedly which scares you a little and makes you think he gave up on trying to improve your mood. But you were so wrong. You go home to surprisingly find your whole room decorated with scented candles and aesthetic set up, by ofcourse nobody else but your dear hyunjin. As you roam through the room to find him, he enters the scene and lovingly grabs your waist from behind. In the mirror infront, You see him dressed in a sleek black shirt with his long flowy hair loosely hanging from the forehead, just the way you like it. “Baby I think you should be jealous more often. You look so cute.” He giggles right in your ears, the giggle enough to melt all your frustration away. Hyunjin looks in your reflection in the mirror before planting a kiss on your cheek “yes. Today, I just fell in love with you all over again.”

ⒿⒾⓈⓊⓃⒼ:~

Lost and clueless puppy. And I mean it. Jisung doesn’t even realize you’re jealous. When you brush him away so many times, he’s just so clueless and sad. He doesn’t even know why you’re being mean to him. But when he finds out with the help of another member (bc he’s so innocently dumb) my goodness, he’s so shy. His cheeks immediately turn bright pink and he’s flustered as hell over the idea of you being protective. It drives him crazy which is why he stammers a lot while trying to talk to you. Honestly, you melt at just the sight of him being so clumsy and cute while trying to make it up to you but you pretend to stay mad just to be able to see more of this cute side. At the end of the day, he does make a bold move, brings you your favourite drink and places it in between your hands. He brushes your hands with the tip of his warm thumb, and whispers gently but genuinely. “Don’t be mad at me because I love you and only you.” Probably runs away afterwards out of embarrassment so be sure to chase after him and pay him back by loving him a lot <33

❥ⒻⒺⓁⒾⓍ:~

cuddlebug mode activated. As if he already wasn’t a cuddle bug and now you’re mad and he just clings to you like a koala. For your own safety, I’d suggest you to not be mad at him for too long because or else you will be dragging a grown up 21 year old man on the floor who is glued to your torsoe. He won’t let go, and WONT LET GO of you till you give him a kiss and smile at him again. (Kick him out of your room and who knows he might even roll back in again like Spider-Man through your window🤦‍♀️) Felix is just so so sweet and loves you so so much, that he won’t ever do anything intentionally to make you upset. He didn’t realize you’d get jealous so easily and once you did, he’d just keep on constantly using skinship and words to tell you HOW YOU MATTER THE MOST AND HE IS YOURS AND YOURS ONLY. “Baby please stop being mad *kiss* “ “you know I love you so much *kiss*” “you’re really cute when you’re jealous but please talk to me because you’re even cuter then *kiss* “ “Y/N!!! *kiss*”. Yeah, this saga pretty much continues till you pretty much give up and melt in his arms. <3 (bc who tf can resist him for long?) Lixie is gonna bake you brownies and cookies after wards with “felix + y/n heart heart heart” written on top with the icing because he’s the cutest and you couldn’t be more glad that this cutest ball of sunshine is the love of YOUR life. :’) ♡︎

❥ⓈⒺⓊⓃⒼⓂ︎ⒾⓃ:~

Lost and clueless puppy (2). The only thing different from han is that he LITERALLY looks like an innocent lost puppy who doesn’t get the reason why you’re ignoring him today. But seungmo’s very smart. So it’s not long before he realizes that you’re jealous. Believe me, this puppy is ecstatic over the idea of you being so possessive about him. He finds you so freaking adorable when you frown and pout and falls in love with you SO MUCH MORE, it’s as if he’s about to explode right then and there. But gotta act cool, right? So he suppresses it and tries his best to make you smileeeeee. Seungmin isn’t normally a very touchy person but whenever you’re upset, it’s as if he’s posessed by the felix virus. He hugs you, pats your head, kisses you and becomes awfully verbal with you. “Baby are you madd??” He shyly asks while brushing the strands of your hair away from your face and looking at you with puppy eyes filled with love. “Well then come here baby.” He softly mutters and pulls you up bridal style and seats you in the comfy couch in between his legs. Seungmin takes his guitar, uses his artsy fingers to play the chords as his angelic voice hums “well I will call you darling and everything will be okay cause I know that I’m yours and you’re mine doesn’t matter anyway. In the night we’ll take a walk it’s nothing funny just toooo talkk. Put your hand in mine, you know that I want to be with you all the time. ♫“ To this, you end up smiling brightly and him? He doesn’t feel the need to act cool anymore as he catches your lips in between his to show you just how much he loves you. ♥︎

ⒿⒺⓄⓃⒼⒾⓃ:~

Now this baby bread will NEVER realize you’re jealous until you voice it out and tell him what made you mad. (I mean nobody told him how he’s just the squishiest ball on earth that everyone wants to cuddle with and have all to themselves) Jeongin and you don’t get to meet often because of his packed schedule and this time you were meeting after a whopping 2 weeks break. But when you went over at their dorm, all the other members were all over him and even their manager was adoring him so much, you barely even got to hug him. That was what made you so upset. You start spacing out and sulk in the corner of the sofa by yourself and he does approach you, totally oblivious as to why you’re reacting this way. He’s concerned and rubs your shoulders looking at you again and again with sparkly eyes. He missed you so much more but for whatever reasons you were being off to him. So now, he gets upset. (Don’t blame him he was raised and spoiled with a lot of love from skz and JYP so if you don’t give him enough love and attention, baby bread gets sad :() eventually, seeing his gloomy face you give up and roll over to his side to which he grins JUBILANTLY AND ENCLOSES YOU IN THE TIGHEST HUG >.< ♡︎. He becomes so needy and lovey, that night he sleeps burying his head on your chest and telling you everything he did and missed about you during this time of your separation. And you know the purest part? When you wake up in the middle of the night, you see jeongin tightly holding onto your sleeve because he was scared you were gonna go away from him again. He loves you and there’s no doubt by how he’s so afraid to lose you. <3 you can’t help but smile as you give a sweet peck on his forehead, “yang jeongin. I’m so glad you are mine.♡︎”

The End

❥find more of my skz writings at ➪ ᴍɪᴀ’s ᴘʟᴀʏʟɪsᴛ

This is my very first ot8 imagine and i plan to write more. If you like my writing, please show your appreciation and support by reblogging 🥰

Sᴋᴢ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ {sᴏғᴛ ʜᴏᴜʀs} & {ʜᴀʀᴅ ʜᴏᴜʀs}

𝚂𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 @northsoulss ♡︎

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strangelysamantha · 3 years

Text

crashing ☆

rafe cameron x gn!reader.

warnings: reader gets injured, car crash, swearing.

words: 3,106.

summary: rafe is waiting for you to meet him at figure 8, but he’ll be waiting awhile as you got in a tragic car accident, the other vehicle being driven by his father.

request? no! requests are opened!

a/n: use of they/them pronouns. like and comment if you enjoy this story! thanks <333

my masterlist

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“alright baby. of course. i love you!! yes, i’m leaving now.” rafe was on the other side of your phone, ensuring that you were ready for your dinner date. the two of you have plans to meet at the figure eight. you will eat at a nice restaurant, and then finish the date off with a scroll through the park while watching the sunset. rafe had planned the whole thing out, excited he could finally show you how much you meant to him. rafe smiled, “okay babe. i’ll see you in a few. i can't wait to see your precious face.” heat rushes to your face because of rafes words. “see you in a few.” you hang the phone up, grabbing your car keys.

you walk to your car that is sitting in your driveway. you hop in, starting your car. you put your seatbelt on, using your phone, you do a map search to the location rafe had sent you. you turn the music up slightly. you check behind you for passing cars or pedestrians, and when the coast was clear, you pulled out of your driveway, and started the drive to rafe.

you had only been driving for five minutes. you were caught at a red light. your light turned green so you pressed the gas to go. immediately a large black car t boned straight into you, hitting you head on. luckily, it had smashed into the passenger side, but the weight from the other car caused your car to shift, making you to hit your head against your steering wheel, and the car's window. the car crashed into a light pole. you were on the border between the cut and figure eight. nobody was ever there unless they were passing by. you struggled to look up, trying to see if you knew who had crashed into you.

the car that slammed into you looks vaguely familiar. you understood why when the guy who jumped out of the car was none other than ward, rafe’s father. you frowned. he rushed to your car, ready to yell at you but panicked when he saw who you were. ward immediately ran back to his car. he hopped into his car, speedily driving away.

you feel around for your phone. when you finally find it, your screen is cracked, and the screen is black. it won’t turn on. the phone must have slipped from your cup holder onto the side of the door, causing it to break. you drove your car forward so you weren’t positioned into the middle of the street. you shut your car off. your head begins to feel light headed, you close your eyes, trying to make the pain minimal. your eyes shut, and you could feel yourself slowly passing out. you try to stay awake, but the sleep engulfed you.

rafe was panicking. you were never late. well, yes you run late, but never without texting first. anytime you ran into trouble you would immediately message him and let him know. he hated this. he didn’t know what he should do. he tried to call your phone but it went straight to voicemail. he exited the restaurant, searching for either you or your car but he couldn’t find either. he frowned to himself. did you intentionally miss dinner? did he do something wrong? rafe was scared, what if you were in danger?

rafe pulled his phone out. he set his feud aside, calling pope. pope glanced at the caller id that was currently ringing his phone. he was shocked to say the least. “rafe?” pope questioned through the phone. pope didn’t want to answer but if rafe truly needed something from pope, he wouldn’t hesitate to get it from him in person. he knew it would be easier if he just answered and figured out what he needed. “pope?” rafe bombarded pope with questions about you; and your whereabouts. pope was confused. he hadn’t seen you since this morning.

“i’m sorry rafe, but i haven’t seen them since early this morning. i’m down the street from their house if you want me to knock on their door?” rafe sighed, “please. see if they are home.” pope nodded. “alright one second.” pope rushed to your front door. he knocked three times. “the car isn’t here, they seem to have left.” rafe smiled. “okay. thank you, pope. i appreciate it, man.” rafe felt relieved. “no problem.”pope hung up. you had actually left to meet him at the restaurant. but if that was true, why weren’t you at the restaurant yet?

rafe decided to stay put. he got confirmation that your car was gone. that shows you had safely left your house. if you don’t show in the next ten minutes then rafe would go looking for you.

you kept dozing in and out of consciousness. after the third time of passing out, you actually stay awake. you open your car door, stumbling out of it. your head hurt, and you felt light headed. you look around, no civilians. you yell out, but no one is around to hear. “HELLO??” you walk away from your car, just a little bit. you take in your surroundings. you walked back to your car.

you try to turn your car back on but the engine is stalled, it doesn’t even sputter again. you sink into the seat, laying your head on the head rest. you pull down the little mirror, examining your face. you hadn’t noticed, but the top right of your forehead was bleeding. It looked to have a pretty big gash. you had a bruise on your left cheek from when your head slammed against the steering wheel. you look at the time, noticing that it was ten minutes past your date with rafe. you jumped out the car, walking towards your house once more.

before you could step inside, you ran into pope. you noticed he peeked through your window. “peeping pope, why are you looking through my window?” you laugh at the added nickname. he stayed still, thinking of an explanation. “rafe called me saying you were late to something and he was worried.” he finally turned around, glancing at you. “what! what happened to your face?” he rushed towards you automatically inspecting the cut and bruises.

“i got in a car accident, ward cameron t boned into me.” you continued, “he got me good. slammed my head against the window and the steering wheel.” pope shook his head, panicked. “we have to get you to the hospital! you had two blows to your head; that's double the chance of internal bleeding.” pope helped you, carrying you inside his dad's car. he speedily drove you to the hospital, signing you in. they took you back, while pope stayed seated in the waiting room.

someone was going to have to call rafe; and it certainly wasn’t going to be pope. before going into the back room, you had handed pope your phone. he plugged it into the quick charging station to see if it was dead. sure enough, the low battery symbol turned on. the phone automatically turned on, showing the numerous mixed texts from rafe. pope ignored them, not wanting to be the one to answer them since it wasn’t his phone.

rafe decided to check your location one last time. the first few times he had checked, it said your location services were off. he didn’t know why it said that, he honestly believed it to be some glitch. rafe’s air got stuck in his throat when he saw your location had updated to being inside the outer banks hospital. he jumped in his car, not even thinking twice. he drove straight to you.

he gave himself a prep talk, telling himself to just remain calm and to see what was going on. he walked into the hospital, his eyes searching for you. he didn’t see anyone he recognized until he saw pope, with your phone situated in his hand. he walked towards pope, snatching the phone from his arm. “why do you have this?” pope shook his head, muttering under his breath. “shit.”

“come on pope. spit it out.” pope shook his head. “rafe, before you do this protective bullshit, just know i’m actually the one who saved them.” rafe stared at pope, confused. “saved them? from what? what do you mean saved them?” rafe questioned pope, “someone crashed into them while they were driving to you. they found me and i rushed them here.” rafe stared at pope. “how bad is it?”

pope shrugs. “i’m sorry, i really don’t know much. they said they were t boned, their head hit the window and the steering wheel. we drove by the car, it’s totaled. crashed into a pole.” rafe continued to stare at pope with wide eyes. “what… how long ago was this?” pope looked out the hospital windows. “a little after they left their house i’d say. it was a seven minute drive from my house to the crashed car, so i’d say five minutes.” rafe sat in the seat directly to popes left.

rafe was breathing erratically. his mind running wild with the amount of possible outcomes. the nurse walks out into the waiting room; and calls your name. rafe immediately stands up walking forward. “we believe the car crash caused them to undergo serious head trauma. no signs of internal bleeding; but we are still checking everyone in a while. you can go back and talk to them if you want.” the nurse smiles softly. rafe looks back at pope, and pope nods his head.

rafe continues, following after the nurse as she leads him to your waiting room. when he walked inside, you were peacefully sleeping. “they should be waking up soon. we truly believe that they will be okay.” rafe nodded at the nurse, watching as she left him. rafe’s hand reached up to yours, grabbing it. he scooted the chair closer to the bed. rafe quickly texted pope saying that he was okay to leave, and that he would keep pope updated.

the wait at the doctors felt like hours, but rafe stayed with you the whole time. he had sat on the chair by your bed, his hand always holding yours. the nurse comes back in. “i’m sorry sir, but visiting hours are over, usually we would allow people to stay the night but in this case they really need rest and if they wake up and you’re here; they will force themselves to talk to you.” rafe frowned, “they have a chance to wake up, and now you want me to go home?” the nurse frowns at him. “i’m sorry, but they need to sleep as much as they can, you can see them bright and early tomorrow morning at seven am.” rafe slowly lowers his head. “okay.”

he walks out of the hospital room, and to his car. he decides he will go home, get clothes prepared for you, and will try to figure out your car situation. then he would sleep, wake up, and meet you at the hospital right when visitation opens. he put his seatbelt on, driving home.

when rafe reached his house he realized that his dad's car had crashed in the front. it looked gruesome. rafe walked inside, greeting his dad. his dad nodded his head in response, walking away. rafe went straight to wheezy, his sister. he knocked on her door and went to open it. “rafe?” she questions him. he looked around. “what happened to dad's car?” he hoped wheezy knew. she tilted her head inviting him inside her room.

she began to whisper. “okay, so basically like our dad t boned someone on the outside of the cut, and he said it’s completely the other person's fault; but sarah believes that’s not true unless he didn’t actually t bone someone, and he was actually just getting brake checked on the highway. how could it not be his fault?” wheezy looked up at rafe’s face and was utterly shocked by his expression.

“rafe? why are you looking at me like that?” wheezy tilted her head to the side, confused. “our father is the reason..” rafe shakes his head, now pacing up and down the floor. you were in the hospital, because of his father. he filled wheezy in, telling her about what happened with you. she gasps in shock. “what are you going to do?” wheezy watched him, he was frantic. “i’m, i think i’m going to confront him.” wheezy half smiled, “okay. you got this! good luck!”

rafe left his sisters room and head to his fathers office. he was always scared of his father, now more than ever, but he needed answers. he knocked three times on the door, and his father opened it, to reveal himself. “hello rafe.” he walks inside, sitting on the chair in front of his desk. “dad, i know you are the reason the car is crashed; and you are the reason someone very important to me is in the hospital.” his dad stood up, straightening his back. “no. they twisted the story, now out. i won’t have you critique me in my own room.” rafe wanted to stand his ground, but he knew he should back down.

he didn’t want to waste all his energy, he still needed to prepare to see you. rafe went straight to his room, picking out a pair of his sweatpants, and a hoodie for you to change into after you get released from the hospital. he put the extra clothes including a pair of your socks into a baggy. rafe speedily changed into pajamas, and hopped into bed. hoping the morning would come faster.

rafe woke up at 6:20am. he had taken a quick shower and changed into new clothes. he grabbed your bag of clothes and hopped into his car. he drove straight to the hospital. he had arrived five minutes before visitation started.

at 7am on the dot, rafe was walking to your room. you were awake, the frown on your face caused his heart to drop. “hey baby.” you glanced up at him and softly smiled. “hey rafe.” he smiles in return. “how are you? i brought you extra clothes.” he lifted the baggy up, before setting it on the extra chair. you reach your hand out to him, and he swiftly moves closer to you. he pulls the chair up once again, sitting directly by your side. “i would have stayed here all night but i was kicked out.” you nod at his words, “sound about right.”

he smiles, his hand tracing shapes on your palm. “how are you feeling?” you wait. “i’m okay. the doctor said the worst thing i have is a concussion. they said if all the other tests come back good, then i’ll be cleared to go home.” he nods smiling, “yay! we’ll be able to take you home!” you bite your lip containing your smile, but it quickly turns sour. you frown at him.

“i’m sorry, rafe.” you look away from him, avoiding eye contact. “for what?” he questions, his heart speeding up scared at what you are about to apologize for. “for missing our date, i really wanted to go.” you frown. he cups your chin. “it’s okay, trust me. i already have it rescheduled,” he looks over at you. “so once you get better, we can go on like we originally planned.” the room went silent, the only thing being heard was the heart rate machine slowly beeping.

“rafe i love you.” he smiles. “i love you too.” you nod contentedly. the doctor walks in, “good morning. today you’ll be able to go home. you seem to only be suffering from a concussion. you’ll have to stay home and rest, don’t do too much or else you’ll be delaying the inevitable. the less time you relax, the longer you’ll be suffering.” rafe talked to the doctor as you played with the tape from the iv inside your hand.

rafe nodded. the nurse came over to you, taking the iv out, as well as the square patches that covered your chest. she left, shutting the door, allowing you to get dressed in new clothes. you frown, the medicine they gave you makes you feel slightly sluggish. “i’ll help you, don’t worry.” rafe untied the medical gown, he slipped it off. he grabbed the hoodie, placing it over your head. you slip your arms through the holes, rafe’s smell surrounding you.

you sit up in the bed, your feet over the edge. you hiss at the cold floor which hits your sock less feet, making you cold. rafe slid his sweatpants on to you. you go to stand up, but he stops you. “let’s put your socks on first, the hospital floor is cold.” you sit back down on the bed. his hand reaches for your foot, it is cool around his hand. he slid your socks on, and then the sweatpants. finally putting your shoes on. “thank you rafe.” he tied the plastic bag shut, it now filled with your old clothes. “anytime baby, i’m always here for you.” you stand up, your hand slipping into his hand, his arm stabilizing you.

the nurse walked in. “the medicine we gave you should be wearing off shortly. that’s why you seem so… out of place.” the nurse nodded, signing you out. the nurse walked you to rafes car. fear began to creep up, now nervous to be in a car again. “it’s okay, you’ll be okay.” you nod. you sit yourself in the passenger seat. rafe thanked the doctors, before running to his side of the car. he hopped in, putting his seatbelt on. he looked over to you, making sure you were okay. he drove extra careful, going straight to your house.

once you arrive at your house, the medicine wears off allowing you to be able to be yourself. you walked to your front door. rafe used his spare key to unlock the door. once inside you go straight to your room, rafe following after you. you lay down on the bed, you pat the spot by you; and rafe sat down by you. he cuddled with you. his head finding its way in your neck, his arms wrapping around your torso.

after a few minutes of silence you spoke up. “your dad is the one that hit me. he ran through a red light.” rafe frowned against your neck, whispering. “i know.” you nod, your hand running through his hair. “okay.” you smile softly, closing your eyes. falling asleep with rafe by your side.

<33

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