#is mostly where my disconnect comes from morally speaking

[rawliverandgoronspice]

hi! firstly, sorry in advance for the long ask. your blog is very thought provoking! secondly, i wanna say i really appreciate all your writing on totk - i’ve kinda deliberately avoided looking at any critiques of the game because, quite frankly, i had a fun time in the moment while playing it and i didn’t want to sully that experience, but your posts have all been quality and have given me a lot to think about with respect to the narrative, its aims, and whether or not “pure, uncomplicated, escapist fiction” is actually a good thing

i digress though - the subject i wanted to ask about, which comes up both in your general “all the consequences were undone and therefore nothing mattered” stance, and more directly in your post about dondons/humanity/morality (specifically the part about “should we trust the bargainer statues that nothing matters? or should we actually care about light vs dark?”) is kind of the age old sentiment that the journey is more important than the destination, and how you think about this in the context of zelda as a narrative, as a defining game in the adventure genre, and now as a landmark in the open world style

in the case of the bargainer statue, i was thrown by you framing “trusting the statues about morality” vs “being moved by the struggle of light against dark” as an either/or - a grimly nihilistic view. in the game (and, i think, in real life), the message is that the ultimate futility of everything does not invalidate the reality of people living their lives in the present, and a positive nihilism challenges us to try and help people and do good in spite of that meaninglessness. this is why the bargainer statues feel so bizarre and un-zelda-like (or at the very least, un-hyrulian. not a bad thing!) - the universe of zelda has always at its core been about how helping other people is a noble endeavor and is its own reward (with gratitude in skyward sword actually manifesting this physically), and the bargainers’ ambivalence flies in the face of this. it’s obvious to us as the player that towns being destroyed and lives being torn apart is objectively bad, even if everyone ends up as a poe in the depths either way, and the bargainers reading as sinister and alien actually reinforces this more than it calls it into question. the quality of the time spent in life matters, even if the ending looks the same

as a game, i think zelda has always been at least as much about the stories and connections you experience on your quest to deal with the big bad as it is about that actual climactic fight. it’s always leaned into the adventure half of “action/adventure,” and in some ways i do think this is what “gameplay before story” originally meant. as you’ve noted, some of the brightest points of totk are the sidequests and characters for whom you can make a small but noticeable difference, and through which you’re driven to interrogate the world and maybe yourself too. and it’s because of these connections that reverting things at the end doesn’t make everything futile and pointless. link is our connection to hyrule, and if the adventure impacted us positively, then we can infer that it impacted link (and to a lesser extent, zelda) positively as well, and that’s worthwhile even if the external circumstances change

a last quick point is that i think the increasingly open world nature of the series also reinforces this - sure you can run naked straight to castle and beat ganondorf without engaging with the game in any way, and you’ll save the day the same as someone who put in 300 hours on the way there, but your takeaway will be completely different, because that journey is the entire point

anyways thanks again for your thoughtful posts and for reading this far if you did!

Heyy thank you so much for perusing my blog and leaving such a thoughtful ask, it's greatly appreciated! <3

That's interesting you took the Dondon post in that way, as it wasn't what I meant at all haha. But I do recognize it was worded in kind of a cryptic way, and left it up to interpretation perhaps a tad too much (see: the limits of subtext), so I can try and make myself a little more clear (and I also think you bring up really good points that completely deserve to be mentioned and that I personally do not mention nearly enough)

What I meant by the "either/or" isn't what we, as an audience should take away as what's important or meaningful, and completely discard the other part as useless. It's not what we experience ingame, and this contradiction is inherently interesting and sparks some degree of conflict (good! storytelling need those and totk is conflict anemic honestly)

What bothered me is that we are prompted, in the game, to see things in an extremely black and white way in spite of an argumentation that maybe, we shouldn't. It's not bad in itself, I even think it's great that we get to question the moral fabric of the world! It's one of the very rare (in my opinion) compelling things about the narrative weaved out for us. But the endgoal of the game still remains the same: find Zelda, and swear yourself/all of your friends to Rauru's ancestral kingdom by using his powers and his guiding hand. Link's role in restoring Hyrule is never even hinted as being a potential question mark, or something we should ponder upon (Twilight Princess did directly question Hyrule in more ways than one, WW is also there, etc). But moreso than in other games in my opinion: we are doing the bidding of a king's territorial war that happened a very long time ago, and the current state of Hyrule doesn't seem to indicate the need for pushing a unified kingdom back onto everybody, or at least it wouldn't be a problem if not for Ganondorf's presence (which in of itself is still arguable as an argument for royal unity, since people would have been willing to band together for the sake of their own communities regardless of whether or not there was a unifying realm --remove the Sage's vow, and I don't believe Link's friends would have let him handle his fight on his own even without having to swear their alliegeance to what is basically a dead kingdom by this point).

My problem isn't the statues; it's that this Light/Darkness framing is only ever questioned when close to them/the Monster Brothers, and the rest of the world is extremely rigid in what is the correct path --but without the added tragic weight that other Zelda games generally have about this aspect (the Sages in OoT being torn from their previous aspect/your own lost childhood, Skyward Sword's Hylia and the way she enacts her plan through people who never had a choice --and that's identified as something bittersweet, not to mention the infamous curse of Demise...)

I do adore what you mention, this sort of "positive nihilism" as a staple of the series. It's never as apparent as in Majora's Mask in my opinion, where getting people comfort and rest is ultimately without consequence as you constantly reset their minds, but it still feels meaningful to have helped. I think BotW did that really well too --where you help people rebuidling life and meaning in the middle of the desolation, making the post-apocalypse hopeful, a place for potential growth and change and resilience and experimentation. In TotK, however, I don't think your efforts are as centered around making sure these people get a future as they were in BotW (except maybe, as you mentioned, in a couple of sidequests --Lurelin's village being one of them, for example). Maybe it's because Ganondorf's threat is not as clear as the Calamity's was, maybe it's because what guides your adventure is to find Zelda first and foremost rather than defeating whatever threatens the peace (treated narratively as a hindrance more than the core problem, even if it is ultimately the core problem --again, the narration/quest design is pretty messy here and it doesn't help matters), or maybe it's because the endgoal is not for people to make their own way into the world, but mostly for the wayward folk of Hyrule to be ushered back onto the glorious trail of Hylian/Zonai's legacy --but to me, the game has a weird agenda regarding Link/the player's role into this world that is generally tangential to his role as a hero and a balancing force in other legends. Here, he starts the game as a knight. His duty is to Zelda, but it ends up overlapping to what Zelda represents in a far more abstract way than usual.

What I think works in TotK in terms of "positive nihilism" is actually Ultrahand, and this gimmick of "world as playground", which I believe is a very clever and engaging way to imagine an open world. There are a ton of little gameplay moments that are yours to shape and inject meaning into; manipulation for the sake of it, the joy of play, and experimentation being rewarded and never punished. To me, this feels the most like inhabiting the world, making it your own, and doing things because they matters to you --and this being enough. But narratively speaking, this is just not really the story being told to us: we are told, us and basically every other NPC, to conform to a plan laid out for us that doesn't ever need to be investigated or questioned --even though now, at crossroad of what the future could look like, would be the perfect moment to do so.

I think what I ultimately tried to point out in that Dondon post is how jarring this hint that, perhaps nothing you do In The Name of Light actually means anything, and this having zero impact on the rigidity of the pupose you are supposed to accomplish In The Name of Light --and the game never seemingly acknowledging that paradox, which made for a (I think, unplanned) pretty oppressive playing experience on my end.

#asks #totk #totk critical #tloz #majora's mask #botw #rauru #thanks for the ask!! #not sure if I actually managed to clarify what I meant haha #I Tried #I do believe Zelda is about the journey yes! #but here the journey is super weird and where it ushers us still feels very off to me #the very fixed destination of an open world presenting itself as uncontroversial when it is so questionable to me (and subtly questioned!) #is mostly where my disconnect comes from morally speaking

[dreamhot]

hey folks

i've expressed this in passing on my alt, but i wanted to start off by saying that i've remained relatively quiet on the situation for numerous reasons - the primary one being that i didn't want to position myself as a place where people would go in order to form their own opinions. others have made more detailed posts on why that can be a problem (see: anchoring bias, as one potential issue), but for me, it was mostly because there was simply no accounting for how everyone might be reacting to the situation. i could speak for myself and nobody else - so why bother, in a circumstance in which we were (and still are) missing so much information?

however, the potential downside of silence is twofold: 1) some people conflate neutrality with a defense of the 'bad' option, and 2) those who share a similar stance might feel... very alone, in an incredibly divisive environment. the most vocal parties are almost always the extremes, and sometimes it feels as though there's no room for people who don't feel they fit in with either camp. and while this is online drama (meaning it doesn't functionally matter in the grand scheme of things), it can still feel scary and alienating, especially when a conflict of this nature springs up so suddenly.

to those who might've felt isolated, confused, conflicted, torn between opposing viewpoints with guilt over how you should or shouldn't be feeling - i'm sorry, and i hope that you've been able to step back and, if necessary, speak with people who might have helped you to process these events as healthily as possible. i will say that whatever your conclusions may be, whether you've decided already or you're still figuring things out, they should come from introspection and your own outlook & comfort level - not what some blogger or twitter user told you to feel. guidance is fine, but the only person who can determine your feelings at the end of the day is you.

i think twitter and tumblr have been the respective homes of the two extremes - the former being those who recklessly posted unquestioning support for dream and cruelly attempted to dismantle & disparage the accuser's statements with nitpicking and mockery, the latter being those who immediately took the most condemning view of the situation and projected their own sentiments as the moral absolute (with the tacit threat that feeling any other way was reprehensible). as someone who resonated with neither group, it was a fraught week to say the least - and i know i wasn't alone in that unsettled space between two vocal factions.

at this juncture, i don't intend to write an essay detailing my precise opinions on the matter - for that, i would simply direct you to jan dwter's post on the situation, which pretty much lays out my exact thought process in its entirety. for now, i would like to highlight one part of her post that i feel is particularly cogent:

"this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that–personal–values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst."

the above paragraph does well to capture my stance that compassion has been severely lacking here (a beat not unlike how january shook out), as there's been a distinct conflation of personal feelings with What Is Undeniably Right/Wrong. i think most if not all of us would agree that dream is far from blameless (and if you feel he's done absolutely nothing amiss, here is where i will politely disagree), but different people will still undoubtedly have outlooks that vary based upon any number of factors unique to them and their experiences. from my perspective, there is no moral absolute here. it's really up to the individual person to decide whether or not they choose to support dream going forward.

for me personally, i echo a sentiment i've heard multiple places now - this situation has shown me that i would benefit from disengaging somewhat, if only because that small bit of distance truly does wonders for my mental health and clarity. as it stands, i'm uncertain about the future of this blog & how active i may or may not be in the fandom. my choice to continue following the content for now is contingent on (what is presumably) the obvious, and i know i'll be extra mindful going forward of anything that might strike me as new evidence of actions behind which i cannot rightfully stand. at the same time, this has all taught me that i'm perhaps not as parasocial as i initially feared - all things considered, i kept a level head, i read multiple perspectives, i talked to many people (online and irl), i settled on my stance, and the world continued turning. as my favourite adage goes, this too shall pass.

for now: keep an open mind. be willing to incorporate new information and process it fully without guilt or judgement. remain flexible to changing opinions even if you're steadfast in your convictions. and above all else, strive for compassion. listen to victims, look at the whole context in challenging or confusing situations, support those who might be in need if you're able. it's impossible to know everything, from details on cc controversies to how the people around you might be reacting to something stressful or even traumatic - but we can do our best to be understanding and patient. it's not easy, least of all in circumstances like these where emotions are going to be understandably intense, but ... sometimes choosing love takes effort. it's a worthwhile cause, however.

take care of each other, yeah?

#manifestos everywhere. i'm sure you can gather what this is about #additionally: if you want to unfollow/sb/hb you are welcome to do so #the dash is your space. curate it as you see fit. i say this without animosity or judgement #i know i'll be doing the same on my end #cheers x #also: inbox staying off for now #reach me on alt if need be

[creacherkeeper]

hey same anon from before!! and yeah i meant general headcanons/ aelwyn + the bad kids dynamics/ honestly whatever fh headcanons you have so lmao you’re good. if you have any more know i would LOVE to read them but no pressure of course!!

oh okay dope ^^ thank you for clarifying. but ...... while we’re here ...... MIGHT AS WELL TALK ABOUT SOME ND HEADCANONS EHH??

of course disclaimer that these are just my own reading and everyone is entitled to read it differently, but i’ll try to back up my takes as much as i can

-

adaine (autism & panic disorder) - detail-oriented problem solver, thrives under the structure of school but doesnt do well with overwhelm, organized, seems sensitive to noises (like if the bad kids are being loud or rowdy), extremely earnest and forward even in situations where its inappropriate and doesnt always understand when its actually hurting her goals (see: every time an npc has to go “whats your deal? can i help you?” to adaine), tends to fumble some spontaneous speech (come backs in fights or like. the WHOLE thing with the innkeeper), very knowledgeable and skilled in a specific area of interest (divination magic), thrives with an emotional support animal, possibly ace (for sure not all autistic people are but we tend to be in much higher numbers), vibes with ayda almost immediately (by like. just straight up asking if she wants to be friends), very direct when talking, strong sense of justice and morality and gets very frustrated when things dont work how she thinks they should

riz (autistic) - hyperfixates on cases (both in the ‘losing track of time’ and ‘has trouble thinking of other things while out and about’ way), odd sense of fashion, has trouble making friends and understanding relationship dynamics (him thinking he was friends with the popular kids in ep1, being obsessed with finding penny who was his babysitter but then they dont really hang out after, being very verbal about fabian being his best friend even though fabian is embarrassed), ace, detail-oriented problem solver, sleeping issues, CAN lie but tends to be very direct to the point of being rude and abrasive at times, very defined moral code and strong sense of justice, easily frustrated in certain situations, intimidated by social interactions (especially with people he doesnt know), struggles with self-care and self-maintenance, i dont know exactly how to categorize the hissing but im throwing that in here too, doesnt always have “average” emotional reactions (like being really excited about the video of his dad instead of upset), very mature interests for his age

gorgug (autistic) - trouble with communication (putting his thoughts into words, tends to speak very slowly with a lot of pauses, doesnt always know what to say or what the average person in his situation would say), has a hard time making friends, struggles with emotional regulation (you can read barbarian rage as this in general but im also thinking of him getting mad at the high elves and just having to run around to calm down), very emotionally intelligent but doesnt always come across that way because of communication struggles, understands the value of having things explained in a simple and accessible way and does so without judgement or embarrassment if others need him to, thinks in a different way and comes to conclusions others dont seem to (sometimes he’s completely correct and other times .... dad!?), uses sensory input to regulate emotions (mostly music/drumming), screams when overwhelmed, doesn’t always ‘get the point’, is a very good friend but is so with great intention and care

fabian (adhd + dyslexia) - doesnt enjoy school, has some Very Bad Rolls when it comes to books and reading, doesnt think he’s as smart as his friends, struggles with a disconnect of identity (how he sees himself and his family vs how other people see him), very physical and physically active, tends to default to loud and “rowdy” (as adaine put it), struggles with emotional regulation, very sensitive but would NOT admit that, doesn’t always understand social cues or when he’s being rude, struggles with impulse control

fig (adhd + autism) - sensory seeking (especially music & the physical element of playing music which can be read as stimming, as well as smoking cloves), disconnect between how she sees herself (mysterious closed book) and how others see her (incredibly open and earnest), feels like a social chameleon and slips into roles very easily but has trouble feeling like and understanding herself; very excitable, engaged, reactive, and verbal; runs away when she feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed, tends to wander from the group a lot, admits several times that she wasn’t paying attention or doesnt remember key info about the plot, builds an identity around deviation from societal norms, big emotions, lots of energy, cares very deeply but actively works on understanding boundaries, doesnt always pick up on social cues

kristen (cptsd) - discussed in this post but can be summed up as issues with affect and emotional regulation, cognitive/executive functioning issues, difficulty with boundaries, struggles with impulse control, goes from VERY self-restrictive to VERY loose with sexual activity, drugs, alcohol, tattoos, etc; struggles with self-concept, doubt, and trust issues; possibly has dissociative and/or depersonalization tendencies with her cleric abilities 

so 8))))) yeah. bad kids neurodivergence headcanons ahoy

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #adaine abernant #fabian seacaster #fig faeth #kristen applebees #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #nd headcanons #autism headcanon #adhd headcanon #happy to hear other takes!!! #i was coming into this going 'fig is adhd' and left with 'fig is adhd AND autistic it all makes sense now' #Anonymous

[vickyvicarious]

do u have any atla fic recs? all time faves? can be shippy or not

Fun fact, I am incapable of holding back on reclists. In other words: brace yourself, anon. There’s a reason I put most of this behind a cut.

First off, these are almost all Zuko-centric, because I shamelessly play favorites. I’ll sort them by author rec, gen, shippy, and then by other characters because honestly the numbers break down well that way. Within those categories it’ll be more just as I think of it, so no special meaning to the order. I’m not always good about bookmarking even my faves, so some excellent stuff will no doubt be missing, especially since I haven’t read a lot of the more recent stuff yet/forgot some really old stuff, but this will definitely still give you plenty of fic to enjoy.

There’s a good number of FFN links on here so apologies to people who dislike it, but a lot of great stuff is still on there so give it a chance.

Author recs

Everything by @awesomeavocadolove​​  Such hits as Another Brother (Zuko adopted by Hakoda pre-S1), and currently has a Zukka soulmate fic I’ve been meaning to start reading, as well as Unchained Melody, one of my favorite Zukka fics ever. Always quality, you can’t go wrong.

Everything by KimberlyT.  I do not kid. She’s written a variety of ATLA fic ranging from Zutara/other romance to gen, seriously emotional to cracky cabbagebending. I think my favorite is probably Mismatched (S1 Zuko adopts a baby) but honestly just go read it all.

Everything by @emletish-fish​​. She has a very fun writing style and honestly her end-of-chapter notes on why she’s made the choices she has are fun minimetas worthwhile in their own right. Some of her top fics are the Stalking Zuko series (S3 suspicious Katara to Zutara) and The Worst Prisoner (the Gaang kidnaps Zuko in S1 and can’t get rid of him). I think there’s still a good amount of her fic that can only be found on FFN so check there too.

Everything by @botherkupo​​. Especially her Undying Fire series (healer!Zuko) but also just literally everything she writes, it is all so great. Tends toward Zutara but strong gen fics as well sometimes and a lot of fun. Check it all out!

Everything by @muffinlance​​. Loves to toy with her readers’ emotions in the best of ways. Tons of fantastic gen Zuko-centric AUs, I have adored every single fic I’ve ever read by her, can’t praise them enough. Very productive as well, her tumblr is a hub for the ATLA renaissance and her fics inspire lots of others. Has also organized a fanmade ATLA coloring book for charity so get that once it’s out. In the meantime read everything she’s written.

Everything by Haicrescendo. My favorite is What We’re Given (the series where Zuko finds more air bisons and raises them), but there’s a lot of good Zukka fic too. I tend to steer away from explicit works in this fandom unless it’s a smaller part of a much longer plot-centric fic, so there are a number I haven’t read, but I really like the Pokemon!AU Zukka.

Everything by @gaycinema. I really love the EK fight club series (Zuko fights in Rumbles/etc.) but all of it is a good read. Some Jetko, mostly a lot of introspective or emotional oneshots. Which isn’t really a great depiction of how good they tend to be, you’ll just have to read them and find out. You won’t regret it, trust me.

Everything by @captainkirkk. So far eight stellar fics, starting with kind Fire Lord Zuko and ranging to Floating Tea Shop!Zuko who doesn’t want to hunt the Avatar. I love her style and have laughed out loud at multiple of these. 

Gen Zuko fic

Bringing Out the Blue by maguena1. [unfinished, long] Definitely worth the read. The first ATLA fic I ever got really sucked into. The Blue Spirit never gets knocked out so Aang doesn’t know his true identity; he joins the Gaang on a recurring basis, while Zuko attempts to tell himself this is only for information on how to catch them, they definitely aren’t his friends.

It’s Impossible by Sandra Phillips. [abandoned, long] One of the earliest Avatar!Zuko fics (sort of) and a really interesting take on some spirit stuff.

Embers by Vathara. [complete, long] A landmark fic in the fandom, and for good reason. I didn’t love everything about this fic, but it is very well-written and an absorbing read certainly worth the praise. 

the art of description by incandescens. [oneshot, short] Five descriptions of Zuko and Toph’s field trip from various perspectives. Short, sweet, and funny.

Breaking Point by Kryal. [oneshot, short] Zuko isn’t banished but instead sent to serve in the Home Guard. I love Zuko loving his people, and alternate canon explorations, and this is exactly that.

The Alternative by Lunatique. [oneshot, short] The reason Zuko is so determined is because he fears what will happen if he isn’t the next Fire Lord. An idea I support in canon, to a degree, written well.

Hands and Knees by gigerisgod. [oneshot, short] Zuko reflects on the choices he’s made, and experiences he’s had, when joining the Gaang. A nice introspective fic.

Relative Misery by peroxidepest17. [oneshot, short] Toph complains about her family and Zuko takes her on a field trip. Not a fic I take too seriously, but funny in a sad way.

Second Nature by lazyartisan. [possibly abandoned, long] An AU stemming from Zuko’s capture at the North Pole. Well-written and characterized, an old favorite that I actually find needing to reread to give you more detail, but I can promise it’s good.

Year One by peroxidepest17. [oneshot, short] Lessons Zuko learns in his first year being Fire Lord. I really like explorations of Zuko’s journey as Fire Lord and this is a lovely little window into that.

Soft by PenPistola. [oneshot, short] Zuko and Toph bonding after the Ember Island Players. Short and sweet.

The New Phoenix King by JoeMerl. [oneshot, short] Fire Lord Zuko is overthrown, and no one but him is bothered at all. In fact they help. Hilarious crack.

First Name Basis by JoeMerl. [oneshot, short] There’s some popular posts going around Tumblr lately about Zuko not knowing the Gaang’s names, but this fic did it first back in 2008. As amusing as you’d expect.

Male Bonding by glamaphonic. [oneshot, short] The original ‘Zuko and Sokka bond and are also dumb idiot boys’ fic. Katara is permanently rolling her eyes.

it’s not the waking, it’s the rising by isamagicdragon, thegracious [ongoing, series, medium] Azulon tells Ozai to kill Azula instead of Zuko, which leads to heartwrenching fire sibs adventure. I haven’t caught up on the last chapter yet but god is it fantastic and also just a really interesting and new perspective on what could have happened.

Doe-Eyed by Anonymous. [complete, medium] Zuko is a baby, Azula is a loving big sister. More fire sibs and a great exploration on Azula’s POV of turning against Ozai.

kintsugi by discordiansamba. [ongoing, series, long] Zuko doesn’t have Iroh after being banished, and winds up hired as a guard to protect the frail Beifong daughter. Fantastic preseries Zuko+Toph found family fic.

Legacies by WildInkling. [ongoing, medium] Far in the future, a historian studies the journal of Fire Lord Zuko. Also, he was secretly a famous author but no one knows. A funny and poignant outsider POV.

#UndercoverZuko series by naggeluide. [complete, series, short] A completely cracky concept written straight enough to be actually quite touching in parts, but also just really funny. Zuko goes Undercover Boss on his ship pre-series.

Avatar Ficlets by JaggedCliffs. [series, oneshots, short] An ongoing series of disconnected oneshots, mostly post-canon and mostly Zuko-centric. Some a pretty fun, one is a great view on Zuko and lightningbending, all worth the read (and follow for when more come out).

The Blind Leading the Blue by BrusselsSprout. [ongoing, medium] An epic Zuko and Toph field trip set in S2. I love them and this.

half in the shadows, half burned in flames by r_astra. [oneshot, short] Iroh dies, Zuko gets caught on the Day of Black Sun, everything ends up all right but damn does it hurt getting there.

A Tale of Earth and Fire by chiiyo86. [complete, medium] Zuko and Toph are married for Politics in a FN Wins AU, and follows them slowly bonding as friends to beginning a revolution. They’re married but it’s not romantic, just some good friendship.

Eight Principles of Yong by psocoptera. [oneshot, short] An exploration of immediate post-show FN politics (sort of), calligraphy, and Zuko. Also has some lovely non-fighting firebending; I always love when people explore other uses of bending.

Healing Properties of Cinder Sage by Dawen. [oneshot, short] Zuko gets very sick in the Western Air Temple. Some good interaction when he’s new to the Gaang, and Toph+Zuko friendship.

We Ourselves Must Walk The Path by WinterSky101. [complete, medium] The Gaang agrees to make Zuko their prisoner in the WAT. Speaking of new-to-the-Gaang, tension, this fic has plenty of it, and also features some good Toph and Zuko.

Frozen by Aris Merquoni. [oneshot, medium] Zuko is captured in the NWT. Some politics, lots of angst, and eventually, healing. Also actually makes me somewhat like Hahn? Incredibly enough.

Reluctant Hero by PAW_07. [ongoing, long] Avatar!Zuko fic. I got to beta it way back when for a little while before I got too busy, and have always been a huge fan of this fic. Great concept, one of the best executions of it I’ve seen, and also one of the first. Definitely read this.

Morality Chain by Pureauthor. [abandoned, long] Azula and Zuko were always on each other’s side; how this changes canon. I love this concept and would happily read a lot more fics with it (please guys, I need more fire sibs).

A viper-lizard’s tales series by Yumi_Take. [ongoing, long] The world needs more of Zuko adopting pets and small children, and those are just facts. This only has one of the two, but it’s a EK baby! Jet plays a big role in this fic as well, a weird kind of uncle-ish to the baby/friend/murderer Zuko needs to watch closely and hold back kind of thing.

(life happens) wherever you are by howlikeagod. [ongoing, long] Katara doesn’t find Zuko and Iroh in the teashop, and canon takes a sharp left turn. Excellent Gaang fic.

The Best Path series by EudociaCovert. [series, ongoing, long] Zuko meets Jet in ‘Zuko Alone’ and winds up getting claimed as theirs by the remaining Freedom Fighters. Really really well-written, I got quite emotional over some scenes.

Shippy Zuko fic

Balm by Thyme In Her Eyes. [Maiko, oneshot, short] A sweet little fic about Mai’s thoughts on Zuko’s lightning scar.

The Black Games by Mrs. Pettyfer. [Zutara, complete, long] Hunger Games-esque AU. It’s the first in a series, and I lost interest after this one but I remember enjoying the fic and it was more personal preference rather than a drop in quality that had me leaving.

Lie To Me by Inkcharm. [Toko, oneshot, short] I’m not actually a fan of this pairing romatically (at least until years down the line), but this little fic of Toph and Zuko bonding through lying to one another is sweet. I choose to ignore the more shippy parts and enjoyed it.

Zutara? What the heck is that? by Ryxl. [Zutara, oneshot, short] Complete crack, have a good sense of humor and I think you will enjoy. Just the mental image of the Gaang finding a Zutara propaganda flyer had me chuckling.

The Three Chores series (1, 2, 3) by Fandomme. [Zutara, threeshot, short] Zuko and Katara slowly bond as he helps with chores. I will admit it’s been years and I barely remember this, but what I do recall is lovely and I always appreciate people lightening Katara’s load.

read the inscription by suzukiblu. [Zuko/Song, complete, series, medium] When Zuko is banished, he is left alone in the Earth Kingdom to fend for himself. Very touching, and I love Song in this.

Hooked by TGP. [Jetko, complete, long] A classic ‘Jet didn’t see Iroh warming his tea’ fic. They’re almost all this premise but so many well-written and very long ones. 

Something To Hold Onto by Wildgoosery. [Jetko, complete, long] The EK fell and Li stayed to fight with the Freedom Fighters to protect the city during its foreign rule. Jet didn’t see the tea fic that goes very AU from canon.

Foxfire by Rahar_Moonfire. [Jetko, ongoing, long] Zuko loses his memories Jetko fic, but with heavy spirit influence and lovable EK OCs, both of which I adore and should be in far more fics.

Once Upon A Teashop by anaer. [Zukka, Jetko, ongoing, long] Cracky Ba Sing Se AU that gets gradually more and more serious. Jet hits on Zuko a lot and Sokka gets a job in the teashop to keep an eye on both of them. Endgame Zukka but heavy Jetko, and both pairings are handled pretty well, not a love triangle that makes me too mad, although as always bear in mind Jet’s messed up. 

Names by TGP. [Jetko, complete, long] I feel like I’m forgetting some more excellent Amnesia!Zuko fics, but this is one I do know of. To be honest I don’t remember it super well because it may be mixed up with other Jetko/amnesia fics in my mind, but I think it was really good. I’ll have to reread myself.

Epistles by Lady_of_the_Flowers. [Zukka, ongoing, long] I love epistolary fic and I love Zuko and Sokka bonding earlier in canon. I will be honest I haven’t read this in a long time and been updating all the while, but the premise alone (Zuko and Sokka become messenger-hawk-pals in S1 and then fall in love) is fantastic. 

Ozymandias, King of Kings by Think_of_a_Wonderful_Thought. [Zukka, ongoing, long] Zuko rebels earlier and actually is sent to the mines, until he is ‘rescued’ by the Water Tribe. Dark but getting lighter over time, and more reluctant-to-rule Zuko which always wrenches my heartstrings. I prefer super loyal and dutiful to his people Zuko but this trope always makes me feel things.

Crossovers

Fallen Drops of Fire by Chasmfiend. [Fullmetal Alchemist, ongoing] Young Azula and Zuko somehow appear in Amestris, and encounter Roy Mustang. I adore the fire sibs, and their relationship in this strange situation is the star of this fic for me, but it’s also fun seeing the FMA perspective of these two.

The Dragon-King’s Temple by Kryal. [Stargate SG-1, long, complete] The best crossover fic out there. Zuko and Toph get stranded on the other side of a Stargate. I don’t know anything about SG-1 but it didn’t matter, the fic was fantastic, they were badasses, it explored language and culture from an outside perspective, and it was just a ton of fun. Must-read.

Other character fic

Loyalty by Julia451. [oneshot, short] The ship captain didn’t misspeak when he called Iroh and Zuko “prisoners” in the start of S2. A lovely look at a nameless character, giving depth to a small moment and humanity to a FN soldier which I always love.

The Only One by HarlowR. [oneshot, short] An excellent exploration of Azula’s mindset regarding Zuko, her desperate need to be loved and jealousy of him matching his own. I think Azula was one of the greatest tragedies of the show, and this fic makes me feel it.

Blood by theAsh0. [oneshot, short] Katara-centric thinkpiece on bloodbending and healing. Dark but really interesting.

Touch and Go by Cadence. [oneshot, short] After Iroh’s struck by lightning, Toph doesn’t let Zuko drive them all away. A momentary alliance and the seeds of friendship. More Toph-focused but still heavy on the whole Gaang.

Shortcomings by Menamebephil. [oneshot, short] Iroh thoughts during his imprisonment, on the theme of mistakes. I love this man and don’t understand why I am so drawn to fic about him that makes me sad.

Watch And Review, Please by Becca Stareyes. [oneshot, short] The Ember Island Players receive some constructive criticism... sort of. Funny and quick.

Azula Redemption Trilogy (1, 2, 3) by Mistress of Sarcasm. [threeshot, short] Second person and deeply introspective, three short little fics delving into Azula’s head and bringing her closer to redemption.

Echoing Refrains by catie_writes_things. [oneshot, short] I really like nuanced explorations of the whole FN royal family. It’s perfectly fine to write Ozai as pure evil bastard, but exploring  what might have been or how he got there, or even as in this fic his talent for music being inherited by Zuko is really interesting too. Iroh-centric.

our curse by ohmygodwhy, and the last dragon by thesometimeswarrior. [twoshot, complete, short] Stay away if you don’t like to cry. In the first Zuko learns Ozai is executing Iroh, and isn’t able to stop it; the second is even worse because it’s Iroh’s POV. I put this in the other characters section because honestly I adore the second fic even more than the first, but they are both fantastically written and will hurt you a very great deal.

Finally, I’m not quite bold enough to put my own fic on a reclist, but just shameless enough to mention I’ve written a few Avatar fics I quite like if anyone feels the desire to check them out on my AO3. ;) But seriously give love to all the rest of these, they deserve it. (And as I said, there’s lots more excellent stuff, this fandom is so prolific and well-written!)

#atla #atla fic #fic rec #reclist #replies #anonymous #i'm haunted by the feeling i've forgotten a lot of stuff #but honestly i need to stop this is huge already #enjoy anon #Anonymous

[com105moment]

1. Which character in any of these stories do you identify with the most and why?

The character that I most connect to out of all these stories is Stevie from Mid90s. His constant attempts to fit in and be cool with the other, mostly older skater kids are futile at first. He literally obtains his nickname “Sunburn” because he didn’t know what those were, which speaks to the disconnect the two parties share at first, and how Stevie hasn’t initiated himself into the group yet. In short, he hasn’t proven himself to these people, who are more experienced in lounging, skating, smoking, and drinking. But what he has done is receive a nickname, which is the first step to establishing a connection with the group. It’s these subtle moments in the film that initially gave me flashbacks to my own personal high school experience, where being accepted by a clique can take time, maybe even a little bit of ridicule, before eventually becoming accepted. There is a sacrifice that comes with associating with certain people and taking part in their own vices. Unfair judgment can come from deep insecurity, which is a lesson I’ve been taught time and time again from people I used to consider friends. The relationship would start and end the exact way: that I was simply an inferior individual. For some reason, I considered their insults playful jabs because I looked up to them for guidance, much like Stevie. I thought these people knew so much about the world, and that they had it all figured out, when that wasn’t the case at all. The realization comes from knowing when to leave and accepting that people drift apart, and that this outcome was natural. If the story of mid90s were to hypothetically continue after its iconic ending scene in the hospital, it would be up to Stevie to choose whether or not to continue hanging out with the ones who continually get him hurt or in trouble. Either that, or he would stick by their side. The film’s exploration of toxic behavior made me recall when I applied the former choice to my own life, which is something I can’t say for any other film that I watched.

2. Identify three (3) common themes that are present in these stories and elaborate if they are relatable to contemporary youth culture. Draw from your personal experiences and elaborate on how these themes may have impacted your adolescent life.

Sex, drugs, and authority are the three most common themes in these stories. Promiscuity is one of the focal points of certain episodes of Euphoria’s first season, where the accessibility of Internet pornography is explicitly referenced by certain characters. This theme also directly affects how Kat Hernandez deals with self-image after a video featuring her leaking onto a porn site, and subsequently leads her to intentionally create more after it racks up views. One of the focal points of the movie Kids is to teach the audience about the dangers of unsafe sex, and how it can lead to the spread of disease. Both of these are realistic situations that have the potential to affect young people, especially in the modern day, when, statistically, “nearly half of children between the ages of 9-16 experience regular exposure to sexual images” (Antonia). Thanks to the Internet’s growing presence in everyday life, these situations, naturally, are going to be shown in media that attempt to portray the current lifestyles of youths. For the more traditional youth films (The Breakfast Club, Kids, Mean Girls) that do not tackle the Internet, it’s important to note that they still approach the theme of sex, just in different ways. The morals they teach also apply to the current day because the amount of high school students who have engaged in sexual activity is roughly half, depending on which grade they are in (Krisch). Drug use is perhaps the most prominent theme of these films. In each one, it’s integral to fully examining youth culture because it applies to each narrative. This is necessary, because of the overwhelming amount of evidence that supports the idea that teenagers are drawn to using drugs. About eight percent of teens have used them in the past month, to be exact (“Teenage Drug Use Statistics”). There are stories to be told about that common experience, which is what these films effectively do. Authority is the one that hits home the most for me, because it felt like every single day in high school was spent reminding the students to follow rules. However, these constant reminders, along with several other important factors (peer pressure, how boring school can be to young people, their own personal life, etc.) can fuel an adolescent’s drive to do whatever they want, and to think they have it all figured out. In essence, it can lead to the destructive behavior mentioned earlier, which is even more ironic considering authority tells them to avoid drugs and alcohol, to wear protection, and to avoid making similar mistakes in health class. Meanwhile, the statistics remain. A good point that these films will bring up in regards to authority is when it only adds to or is ineffective against dealing with a youth’s destructive behavior. Whether it be Rue hiding her addiction from her mother in Euphoria, or how the characters in The Breakfast Club will rag on their parents for being too hard on them, the prominence of authority is undeniable considering how it affects these characters. It reflects what tends to cause these things to happen to actual teenagers.

3. First, explain how a soundtrack of a film/TV series impacts the narrative of a story. Second, create an Apple/Spotify playlist of ten (10) songs that best define your adolescent experience, and embed this playlist onto your blog. Third, briefly explain what each song means to you.

If there’s anything I have learned about youth culture, it’s that the soundtrack of any film/TV show revolving around the subject has the ability to communicate what the culture was, musically. Contrast the jangly guitar on “Don’t You Forget About Me” that opens The Breakfast Club with the boom bap laden soundtrack of Mid90s, or the trap music played at the party in the first episode of Euphoria, and it’s easy to see how times change. Not only that, the use of licensed music fits each narrative to provide a backdrop for when the stories take place, and are added sparingly to emphasize certain emotions. In my attempt to personally replicate the feeling of being an adolescent, I have created my very own playlist. The first song is “Flagpole Sitta” by Harvey Danger, which is the first one that popped into my head. Its use of irony is unmatched, in my opinion, and the chorus “I’m not sick, but I’m not well” is a rallying cry for teenagers everywhere, including me. The second song is “Twenty Four Hours Ago” by 12 Rods. The lyrics are vague, but the guitars are dreamy. It manages to capture a whirlwind of intense emotions, which reminds me of how wild and rebellious it feels to be young and full of energy. The third song is “Out of My League” by Fitz and the Tantrums. Apart from it being a very important song that soundtracked my adolescence, its catchy, driving groove and exuberant lyrical content make it an excellent portrayal of young love. The fourth song is “New Scream” by Turnover. When analyzing why this song works so well, it’s hard not to mention a line as good as “Adolescent dreams gave to adult screams / Paranoid that I won’t have all the things they say I need.” Not only does the song itself sound very lush, it is a pitch perfect portrayal of what it’s like to grow up dazed and confused (no pun intended). The fifth song is “Jesus of Suburbia” by Green Day. This is probably the most personal track to me, because the American Idiot album was the first one I ever owned with explicit language in it. I vividly remember being twelve years old and not wanting my parents to find out that I was listening to something so “inappropriate.” How naive I was back then. The sixth song is “Sowing Season (Yeah)” by Brand New. Its lyrical themes are about bettering oneself, and it has spoken to me throughout my teenage years with its potent imagery. Not to mention that wailing guitar on the chorus, which can’t be beat. The seventh song is “All My Best Friends Are Metalheads” by Less Than Jake. Yet another inspiring tune, this time because it’s a sugary ska punk romp that I replayed endlessly in high school. I appreciate it’s message of acceptance very much, even now. The eighth song is “Pile! No Pile! Pile!” by the Brave Little Abacus. Out of everything on this playlist, this one is probably the most chaotic. However, there were certainly days as a teenager when that frustration was simply a given, and it helped me face that outlook directly. The ninth song is “What Do You Want Me to Say?” by the Dismemberment Plan. This track was easily my most played as a teenager, primarily because of how catchy it is, but also due to how it accurately describes being out of place. The tenth and final song is “Doin’ the Cockroach” by Modest Mouse. It’s an exercise in juvenile satire that appeals best to a high schooler, which is why I’ve replayed this song dozens of times by now. Here is the link to the playlist in question: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2SKxsH70Ukovu7ChysdQUs?si=078fba9c8f4f4eef

[silverswanqueen]

I mostly disliked RWBY since V3 because the dark turn and how they went about it I just subjectively didn't like(I was expecting it to be more akin to Harry Potter or Avatar The Last Airbender) and now its seems like its going through the same song and dance I've seen with Fate: Zero, Akame Ga Kill, Madoka Magica and Gen Urobuchi's other works. I get the points of those works, being righteous, moral, and noble in the face of tragedy, but I've just grown tired of it. But so many stans have built their ego and identity around these works that they can't allow anyone to openly and subjectively not like something anymore. And holy shit have I never felt the brunt of that than from the RWBY loyalists.

idk I'm not pretending I am speaking objectively here, but I feel like the very fact RWBY seems to becoming this kind of dark is what's drawing blind fanatics who hold it up as one of their secular religious texts and Monty as one of their patron saints, with the other works and writers being their other texts and prophets respectively

"It's awesome because its tragic and well-earned happy endings are bad"

One wonders how Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Harry Potter, The Star Wars Original Trilogy, or even Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Hammer's "The Devil Rides Out" would be received if they were made today and not back in the day.

Thanks for the ask and I hope my rambling isn’t confusing!

I definitely get where you’re coming from, and while I’m not familiar with Gen Urobuchi’s works I’ve seen the name enough to know there’s definitely a correlation there. I for one wasn’t necessarily upset with V3’s conclusion, but I was also much younger, didn’t have an attachment to Penny or Pyrrha like many did, and thought more would be done with the characters than what was accomplished. However, I recently did some research for my academics similar to this phenomena which I believe I can apply! However, I cannot say my explanation of it is the be all end all, because I cannot account for every RWBY fan who exhibits this behavior, so take it as you will haha.

There’s a certain pocket of literature/media that focuses on what’s referred to as the “Grimmdark,” I believe, and I’ve seen shows fall back into this phenomena of “everything must be hopeless and tragic, every victory must be pyrrhic,” and while that’s definitely a narrative you can go with, it’s spread to multiple fan bases and media over recent years. This narrative is an “infection,” since lots of social phenomena can be synonymous with an infecting trait. I compare it to Teresa Brennan’s “Transmission of Affect,” a huge study on social phenomena and how (and this is me paraphrasing) humans respond physically to social situations, meaning while the “process” is social and origin, its effects are “biological and physical,” which we can see with RWBY loyalists. They respond to the Grimmdark social infection and alter themselves (i.e. identification and physical response) to require this sort of social engagement. This altering of self is done unconsciously, and while I don’t want to get into the agency of self, the self is affected by environment, and the environment of the Grimmdark, as a result, directly influences the self. They are “infected” with the Grimmdark, and thus must engage with it. Now this isn’t bad, since the transmission of affect exists and works on all of us in many ways, but it can breed some negative results, and I think the RWBY fandom is one of them.

Now, to preface here, I’m not bashing Monty. I was still an avid fan when he passed, and I still look up to Monty to this day because of his talent and passion as an animator. But Monty… he wasn’t what I would call the best storyteller, because he was very impulsive. He would think of something, hot potato it to Miles and Kerry, and sometimes the additions would break canon a bit. Add this in with the transmission of affect which has already been in the works with the Grimmdark storytelling for some time, and it eventually attracts those “infected” by it, and as a result, breeds a toxic environment. It’s completely fine to like the Grimmdark and be, as I say, “infected” by it, but to allow this fascination with it to declare a subjective view of how storytelling should be as objective is the exact issue the fan base of RWBY has.

RWBY has fundamental writing flaws and thrown in ideas that aren’t implemented in such a way to flow coherently with the rest of the currently set narrative and world-building, and often breaks the canon that leaves the loyalists scrambling to pick up the splinters and create headcanons that allow the world-building to remain untarnished for them. This is what causes the disconnect, because those that cling to the Grimmdark as the objectively correct way to tell a story are not only trying to say it must be dark, but also the way it was written, aka the method in which we’ve gotten to this dark conclusion, is the way it must be. This is where the issue is, because they see criticism as an attack on the Grimmdark and not a critique of the writing mechanics utilized within the Grimmdark.

Subjective criticism is suddenly viewed as attacks on things that are objective. And this is one of the huge problems that many fanatics won’t understand they’re perpetuating, or simply don’t care that they are perpetuating this issue. The Grimmdark is fine, but the Grimmdark is not the be all end all of storytelling.

I could ramble more, but this is getting a bit lengthy. Essentially, yes, you’re right, they cannot allow someone to subjectively dislike it, because to them, there’s nothing subjective about it.

#rwde #rwby criticism #ask response #silver rambles #thanks for the ask!

[gerrymike]

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda  Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda  Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake  Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬 

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know  What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

to

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one  Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

#talk #i wrote this post instead of working. yay me

[pigtownchronicles]

Chapter 2.1 - Back to Reality

Dennis and Barry didn’t speak much for the rest of the weekend, after their night out at Depot. It was clear that something between them was withering in a way that was rather unexpected, but neither of them could articulate. Barry, however, was closer to understanding it. It was the same sensation that he always felt after a circuit party, or an orgy, when he was back in the quiet house again. He was back in reality. The party, the club, the sex, all of that was just fantasy, it couldn’t penetrate him. He couldn’t allow it to penetrate him. But when he saw someone like Samuel, or Parker, who not only allowed that energy to flow through them, but lived and breathed it, all he felt was restless. Like he’d done scuba diving, with all of this protection, only to discover other guys he knew had gills. That Dennis had intruded on that rather sacred experience, injected his own kind of order and justice and control into it only made him feel more sour, more disconnected, more jealous of what he could be, if he hadn’t chosen all of this.

Dennis, on the other hand, was feeling usurped. Annoyed that Barry had dragged him to that party, annoyed that he had challenged him when it came to Kyle and threatening to tell his father, annoyed that he felt bad about it, most of all. He’d done the right thing, he was sure of that. Kyle shouldn’t have been there, he was too young. It was illegal. Pretty much everything that was happening in that club was illegal, in fact. But Barry had put him on the defensive, a position Dennis hated, since he was very careful to always maintain a moral high ground. He felt like he needed to defend something that ought to be obvious. The fact that Barry apparently disagreed only made his own values feel more slippery. 

Barry dealt with the frustration by going to the gym, and stopping off at a gay sauna on the way back for a little action. Dennis dealt with it by making calls to the health department, the liquor control board, and the police department, reporting the myriad of violations he had witnessed at Depot on Friday. Neither of them felt satisfied, by the end of it. The energy that Barry was craving just wasn’t there, like it had been at Depot. The guys were all too nervous, too embarrassed, mostly older closeted men with wives in the suburbs. It only made Barry feel more hemmed in than before. Dennis kept getting the runaround from every agency he called. They would seem interested, and then as soon as he mentioned where he had been and they confirmed the address, the person on the other line would go quiet, say that wasn’t their jurisdiction, thank him for his vigilance and hang up on him. Only once, with a police officer, did he manage to get a little bit of info out of him. “Look, the folks you ought to talk to are down at Precinct 27. They handle everything in that neighborhood.” Frustrated, and again feeling like he was running into some bureaucratic red tape he hadn’t expected, he decided he’d pay a visit to the precinct sometime in the next week, and get some answers there. Surely they would have a more difficult time dismissing his complaints in person.

Monday came for them both. Dennis headed for the hospital--Monday was usually a day for appointments, and getting his surgeries for the rest of the week planned out and organized. Barry headed into the office, dreading it more than he had in some time. He’d hoped that seeing Samuel and having a chance to blow off some steam would have helped soften the blow of being passed over for a promotion, again. Instead, he just felt caught between two worlds, one unsatisfactory foot in each. He couldn’t invest himself entirely in his job--it bored him to death, and he didn’t understand how Dennis could stand being so normal all the time--but if he didn’t, he’d never get the respect there he longed for. Each time he saw Samuel though, it was like looking at some amazing being. He was so free. Sure, his life likely wasn’t easy, but it seemed effortless and fun and exhilarating in a way Barry’s had never been. It also terrified him, all the same, and he hadn’t even been able to hack an hour on the dance floor on Friday. He got settled in his office, and got caught up on his email for the first couple of hours, before the usual Monday morning meeting was due to start.

This is what he was dreading the most, of the entire day. He showed up a bit late, took a seat towards the far end of the table. Evan Ternbull, his current boss, was sitting at the front, and off to his left was Richard Carlisle, the man that Barry privately considered his rival, but they had never spoken more than a few words to each other, since Richard was a relatively new hire, and they’d been working on different projects.

“As you know,” Evan said once getting everyone in order, “I’m going to be transferring over to a new project team in a month or so, which I know all of you are so disappointed to hear about. I’m happy to announce today that Richard here will be stepping up into my role and overseeing your team for the remainder of your project. As you know, Richard is relatively new here, but he comes with some great outside experience, and I am very confident that he will be a great project lead.”

The folks around the table clapped for Richard, who stood up, looking a bit sheepish. How old could he be, really? Twenty-five, twenty-six? Slender, twinkish but clearly straight, Richard got up and introduced himself, talking about his wife, and about the baby they had on the way. The table clapped again, and Barry tried to mask his scowl as he clapped along. Part of him felt a bit bad now for feeling so entitled to the position. Dennis and he were doing just fine with their incomes, and he knew that kids were expensive--one of many reasons he’d never wanted one. But as soon as that sympathy popped up, he pushed it back down. Just because he was straight, just because he was “starting a family” didn’t mean he was entitled to more money than him. It didn’t mean he was entitled more respect.

That was it, wasn’t it? The respect. He didn’t feel respected here. He didn’t feel respected at home, even. Dennis loved him, sure, but did he respect him, really? Did it feel like a relationship between equals all the time? It didn’t. Barry would goad him, and half the time Dennis would just dismiss him out of hand, refuse to even engage, like fighting with Barry was simply beneath him. Like he knew that no matter how dissatisfied he might be, he’d never leave him, because he liked the money, and the lifestyle, and Barry’s own job here couldn’t afford it. 

He could barely focus for the rest of the meeting. After an hour, he faked a phone call, and retreated to his cubicle to think. Mostly, he stared at the little business card that Hugh had given him, and thought about what on earth “Broker” might mean. Someone in the drug trade, apparently, if Hugh worked for him. So much of that conversation had been...weirdly cryptic, but Hugh had been right about the central proposition. Barry was unsatisfied with his life, and more hemmed in he felt--by Evan, by Dennis, by Richard now--

“Hey, Billy, right?”

He was startled up from his thought, looked up and saw Richard looming in the doorway of his cubicle. The meeting was over apparently--was this the first thing he’d thought to do? Hunt Barry down?

“Barry, actually.”

“Oh shoot, sorry man. Everything alright? You zipped out of there in a hurry.”

“Yeah, just the husband, you know. Everything sounds like an emergency to him.”

Richard laughed, “Yeah man, I get it. Hey, Evan told me that you were on the shortlist for the position, and I just wanted to let you know that he thought you would have been a great choice too, and he wants you to keep throwing your hat in the ring, alright? He just didn’t think that this position would be a better stepping stone for me, since we’re at the tail end of a project, about to ship. He knows that wouldn’t have been a challenge for you.”

Barry’s face was growing a bit heated. Evan thought so, huh? Then why wasn’t Evan here telling him this? Why send this cherub faced little shit to come apologize on his behalf? “Sure thing, I understand. Besides, you got the growing family to feed, right?” Barry said, stretching his mouth into something he hoped was a smile and not a sneer, and from the way Richard’s face lit up back, he must have managed well enough. They chatted a bit about Barry’s current duties, and then Richard moved on to the next member of the team.

That settled it, then. If nothing else, he would have his curiosity satisfied. If it was a service that could make his life better, than great. Why care that the info came from a drug dealer? He pulled out the card Hugh had given him on Friday--it was rather simple. All it had was a name, Ian Miller, the word “Broker” below it, and on the bottom of the card, a phone number. He picked up his phone, and gave the mysterious number a call.

***

Want more Pigtown Chronicles? Support me over on my Patreon, and you can get early access to new chapters, along with loads of other content!

#pigtown #drama

[letswritefanfiction]

New Pokémon oneshot series! Mistakes Were Made.

A series of disconnected oneshots that poke fun at the fandom hivemind, canon, and past!me. I’m taking things that I’ve either observed or done myself and reframing them in parody where hopefully we can just all have some low stakes fun and, at best, maybe learn something about our favorite characters and writing.

Chapter One- Addiction: Redux

Summary: Once upon a time, an enterprising, young fanfiction authoress wrote the first chapter for her years-long alphabet challenge, and it sucked. Six years later, she makes a whole story devoted to making fun of it.

"Ash, Ash, Ash!"

Ash felt a tingle go up—or down?—his spine at the sound of his name. But not the good kind. He currently had a packaged cookie in his mouth and was reaching for a second one, but knew that wasn't why his name was being called. No, Misty's voice was farther away, there was no way she was in sight of the kitchen, watching him pilfer her snack cookies from the cabinet.

Pikachu filled him a glass of water so that he could swallow the evidence as soon as possible and then he walked towards where the sound had come from.

Misty's office.

That's where the dread came in.

If he'd heard her exclaim his name like that from somewhere else in the Gym, he might have thought it was Pokémon-related and he probably would have been too excited to remember to cover his tracks with the cookies. But in the time he'd spent in the Misty's Gym since becoming a couple, he knew that only bad things lay behind those doors.

Usually those bad things were nothing more malignant than paperwork and maybe an overworked, slightly cross-eyed Misty. Nothing he wasn't used to. But excitement…that probably meant that she wasn't working. Exciting paperwork could in theory be something like a grant, but he probably would have heard about that. And would probably remember it. Maybe. But since he didn't, he had to assume it was something much more sinister.

She'd found something on the Internet.

"Do I have to, Pikachu?" he whispered as he approached the door.

"Pika chu," Pikachu nodded, pushing his Trainer forward and then making a run for it. Coward.

"Hey, Mist," Ash said with false cheer as he came into the dark room. The sun had set maybe an hour or two ago—Ash didn't pay attention to those things well when he wasn't on the road—and Misty had yet to turn any lamps on. But her face was heavily illuminated with the cold, blue glow of her computer monitor, which she was staring unblinkingly at.

"Hey, babe," she said, always more comfortable with the pet names than he was. He'd get there someday. Maybe. She was just 'Misty' in his head! He couldn't help it. "Check this out."

Her voice was slightly maniacal as she pointed to the screen full of words in front of her. Gee, Ash's favorite. He rolled his eyes. He had a sinking feeling what this was about.

"Look at this terrible fanfiction!"

"Is it about you and me?" he deadpanned.

"Yes, and it's terrible! I mean, I'm pretty cute in it, but you're so OOC I can't help but cackle."

And cackle she did. Then, she began to read it out loud:

"Misty was nothing if not true to her word," she began, her voice taking on the lilt of a storyteller's. "I am that. Have I ever lied to you?"

"Probably wouldn't date you if you had," Ash said, wanting this experience to be over as soon as possible. He didn't have an especially good relationship with reading in the first place, but reading about himself…ew, there was just something icky about it. Especially since Misty had shown him…certain stories.

Misty continued. "Today, Ash found himself sitting in an uncomfortable plastic seat, the kind that he hadn't had to deal with since grade school. This one was missing the foot off of one of the corners, so Ash spent his time rocking from side to side—okay, that part is like you," Misty said, interrupting the story. "You've definitely done that before. So let's skip to the bad stuff. Long story short, you're in an AA meeting—"

"What?" Ash exclaimed. "Why would—okay, you're right. That doesn't sound like me at all."

"No you're not addicted to alcohol," Misty explained. "Just…Just wait for it. Ah, let's skip to here. 'Hello, my name is Ash,' Ash mumbled into his shirt as he avoided eye contact with all others in the room.

Ash—the real Ash, not story-Ash—rolled his eyes. Not at the story, surprisingly, but at Misty. She had taken to reading lines that he—or, rather, the fictional version of him—had in something of a stage whisper. She was making fun of his raspy voice just because she could.

"Resounding back to him was a dull chorus of, 'Hi, Ash.' His mouth was dry. As much as he loved being the center of attention—hah, now that part's right!" Misty interjected. "Oh, and this next part is good: Ash had never been good at the public speaking. He usually ended up saying something dumb that Misty would then make fun of him for later. So he said the only thing that he could think to say: "And I'm addicted to Pokémon Battling."

"What‽" Ash exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the desk as he got closer behind Misty to see the screen for himself. "What does that even mean? How can someone be addicted to Pokémon Battles? This is the stupidest—"

"Shh, that's explained. That's what I'm getting to. Listen:" Misty said, skipping down a bit further. "'Aw, Mist, it's not like you really believe that an addiction to Battling is a real thing, do you?' Misty turned sharply to look at him. "Ash, you battled to the point where Pikachu could hardly breathe! We had to spend the whole day in the Pokémon Center, remember? Clearly you have a problem, and I couldn't think of any other solution besides peer pressure to get you to shape up.'"

"Nope," Ash said immediately. "Nope, nope, nope. I would never do that in a million years."

"I know!" Misty explained, laughing as she stared in disbelief at the words on the screen. "You'd more likely run on the field and land yourself in the hospital."

"I have."

"I know."

Ash frowned as he read the words over again. They made him angry to read. Mostly because the idea of any Trainer doing that to a Pokémon incensed him, but it was more than that. "I can't believe someone out there thinks I would do that."

"Oh, Ash," Misty said, finally swiveling around to look at him. "This person doesn't know you. They just think they do, for some strange reason. Or maybe they knew this wasn't what you're like and wrote it anyway. There are stories like that too."

That didn't make him feel better. Suddenly Ash wanted to run and find Pikachu again, just to hold him. He wanted to hold Pikachu's warm, healthy body, stroke his bright, shiny fur, and feel his full, but muscular belly just to be reminded of the partnership that he had. He was nothing like that…stranger being depicted on the screen.

"I'm sorry if this story upset you, Ash," Misty said, turning the monitor off. "I just find it funny when people get it so wrong. Other than that, the story isn't too terrible. I mean, the writing itself is fine—it just has a crappy core premise. It's even a little funny, though. In the end, I get your mother's cookie recipe just so I can train you with them."

Ash stiffened a little bit. Cookies? Maybe that writer knew more than they seemed to…

"Gosh, it's pitch black in here isn't it? One sec…"

Misty turned on her desk lamp before swiveling in her chair back to Ash. As soon as she saw him, her eyes widened and she pointed to his face. Specifically to his lips.

"Cookie thief!"

By reflex, Ash licked his lips, and found the slightest taste of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. Why hadn't Pikachu told him? And…had he ever put the package of cookies away?

Well. The one thing this author didn't know—in addition to not knowing anything about how Ash battled, apparently—was that he wasn't the true cookie fiend. The true cookie fiend in the Cerulean Gym that day was not him or Misty, but a little electric rodent, who had been left alone for quite a while now.

"Misty," Ash said, his tone just desperate enough to draw her eyes up to his. "We've gotta go!"

Moral: Everyone writes some bad stories. In case you missed it, all those excerpts up there do come from a real story existing on this site. Written by me. This is the first chapter from my Alphabet Challenge, "Addiction." No, not even I am cruel enough to pick some rando's story off this site and make fun of it so heartlessly. No, luckily I've written enough poop myself that I was able to use my past mistakes to illustrate something.

Exception: None. Everyone writes some bad stuff.

Second Moral: Ash would never abuse his Pokémon. I mean, yes, his Pokémon have ended up in dangerous condition before, but always super by accident. In this story, Misty lets us know that it's Ash's fault and it's a habit and that just isn't our sweet baby boy. Ash would never hurt his Pokémon.

Exception: Again, none? Unless there's some real defendable ignorance—it is Ash, after all—then, I repeat: Ash would never hurt his Pokémon.

#pokemon #pokeshipping #oneshot #pokemon fanfiction #pokeani #anipoke #oneshot series #ash ketchum #ash and misty #aaml #misty #pikachu #ash x misty #misty and ash #misty x ash

[leam1983]

Cyberpunk 2077 Thoughts

Having perused Dark Horse Books’ The World of Cyberpunk 2077 over the past few days, I’ve gotten a better feel for the various basic hooks that structure V’s inception as a protagonist. The short of it is the Polish wizards are on the right path to nailing Pondsmith’s treatment the same way they nailed Sapkowski’s works.

Consider the following as half a brain dump, half a series of prospective spoilers, and also half projection, so either skip this, find some other entry to read, or come back to this come late November.

I know I mentioned three halves, but it’s late and I don’t give a shit.

I’m serious - DO NOT PRESS ON IF YOU’RE THE TYPE TO BLOW A GASKET IF YOU’RE INADVERTANTLY SPOILED. 

The latest Night City Wire as of August exposed three incipient “life paths”, or starting branches of V’s path. I’ll tackle my personal narrative approaches to them in the order of my choosing.

Nomads: CP2077 is set in a world where much of what we understand to define a family has been blown up, tossed around by climate change and nuclear fire and then stitched back together using grit, resourcefulness and the last dying embers of human decency. Nomads are less a group of people defined by blood relations and more a cadre of individuals that share something more significant than mere genes. It might be a common history, a set of shared hardships, a yen for similar automotive and engineering-related projects - whatever it is, that something pulls people together in ways Corpo rats and street kids will never experience.

This seems to define even the average Nomad’s degree of education. Surprisingly, Nomads are the most well-read group in Coronado Bay’s greater area, some caravans reportedly including entire RVs packed with books. Nomads generationally elect teachers and record-keepers and seem to care for those cultural remnants of the old world, before Pondsmith’s paranoid alternate sixties kicked off more than a century’s worth of technological progression and rampant dehumanization. To a Night City native, a Nomad’s speech patterns appear precious and uselessly florid, while they might appear almost normal to us - maybe slightly touched by the fact that Grandpa Joe or whatever really wanted you to have your Greek classics down before you were old enough to repair your first CH00H2 carburetor on your own.

That new, mega-clustered version of family matters immensely to the Nomads. You identify to yours the same way Orcs in Shadow of War might refer to their clan, or the same way a Scottish clan might design specific visual cues identifying its members. In normal circumstances, Nomads live, thrive and die in service to the clan - and the opening segment for V’s Nomad origins suggests that something happened to his clan. They’re gone, or so the narration says, without going into further detail. Is V responsible? We don’t currently know. As it stands, however, he is a lone Nomad in a clan of one, and soon finds himself pushed out of the Californian wastes and into Night City’s neon-drenched streets.

Seeing this, I considered the narration as an admission of guilt on V’s part. He feels responsible, and hopes that grinding his way to success will in some way atone for what he’s done. Consequently, my Nomad V would be as gruff as could be, but as moral and upstanding as the setting allows. He considers himself as having been invested with an example to set, and would intend to set his sights on more than just filthy lucre. Honest filthy lucre is what matters to him, if that concept even is possible: he might deal in unsavory types and illicit activities, but he always does so with a certain moral rectitude - as a tough and gruff, lean and stringy type you can occasionally catch in his battered Thornton pick-up truck with his feet up on the dashboard and a dog-eared copy of Plato’s Republic in hand. Jackie honestly wonders how he can put up with that Greek pendejo’s endless words and the lack of scrolling animations, while V keeps his Kiroshi optics’ News ticker locked onto grassroots Leftist RSS feeds that stoke a bit of an ignored Rockerboy ethos in him. Quoting Marx in Night City might feel like trying to teach lab rats in the finer points of string theory, but it at least feels genuine to him, compared to the predigested sociopolitical pap Militech, Arasaka and their ilk are more than happy to spew on the airwaves. 

There’s a lot to be pissed off about in Richard Night’s failed utopia, a lot of fat cats to gut and buildings to burn. Still, he leaves the glowering act and the churning rage to Johnny Silverhand’s imprinted ghost. Being more of a down-low, gun-toting choomba than a classic Street Samurai, Vincent “V” Carson thinks first and strikes second.

Vinnie isn’t much for electric guitars and anarchy in the UK, much less in the Free State of Southern California; but he does love the occasional Leonard Cohen ballad or the occasional shot of Johnny Cash’s melancholy. Having picked up something of a Northern Texas drawl while cruising, he might feel like Harry Dresden’s Good Ol’ Boy cousin, magic tricks here pushed aside in favor of a measure of dermal plating and a good ol’ fashioned twelve-gauge and revolver combo. Not being much of a techno-fetishist, he considers his optics and his skull jack as being begrudging concessions to an era that looks down on fully “ganic” types. Having grown up with TV serials and the occasional visor-based Braindance all depicting cyberpsychosis as something vile that utterly dehumanizes its sufferers, he’s naturally wary around anyone who seems a little too giddy with the prospect of taking a few scalpels to perfectly decent muscles and bones.

His Thornton is where most of his Eddies go, and yes, he’s named his truck Suzie. Suzie’s done right by him, and he’ll do right by her - unless someone else with a pretty smile and a working moral compass makes him swoon.

Street Kids: if you weren’t taught on the highways or in corporate arcologies, odds are you became a positive blip in an otherwise grim statistic, one of the myriad fucked-up kids raised by other fucked-up kids with more seniority than you. With no roads and paid-for nannies, you survived off of grifts, grit, violence, deceit, smarts and gumption - and that, in its own screwball way, creates its own blood ties. You’re wise by Heywood’s standards - streetwise, that is - and you speak the back-alleys’ lingua franca of threats, insinuation and casual intimidation like no other.

If only Jackie hadn’t fingered that Rayfield, huh? This beaut could’ve been paydirt! Well, at least for a week or so, judging by the fact that hundreds of car thefts are reported across Night City on a daily basis. At least, Dean - who also goes as “V” - got to make a new friend while out in the pokey, and managed to shake a few proverbial trees... They’ve got a short-lease in with Trauma Team’s frequency and could maybe hook themselves up with a sweet finder’s fee for anyone who’s on the verge of death at the hands of the city’s Scavengers...

Little does V know, that’s selling Trauma Team as well as their clients painfully short. Shows of gratitude don’t mean anything if you’re not packing the right social status. He barely remembers his birth parents as it is, and grew up the fifth grubby prospect of one of the Valentinos’ “school clubs” (hence the nickname) - where the points of study refer to the proper observances to be held in Jesus Malaverde’s presence, intensive Chicano and Spanish immersion, as well as the handling of common types of weaponry.

Vincent and Dean would be likely to shoot one another, if placed in the same room. One clings onto nearly-lost value systems, while the other commodifies what can be discarded like so much flesh - only inasmuch as his efforts to pacify his unofficial five or six abuelas force him to forego extensive modifications. His knives and wrist-mounted data port are his main tools of the trade, although Dean keeps his hacking creds along the bare minimum. Why bother, when melting an ATM’s ICE wall and whacking the cops with a baseball bat is all you need? There’s a type of gun for nearly anything else, if someone knows where to look...

Dean has no last name, and is consequently registered as “Dean Smith” in the city’s Census records. That doesn’t suggest, however, that he wouldn’t want to make one for himself. As he’s less focused on the city’s legends than on its kingmakers and pawn-movers, Dexter DeShawn strikes him as someone to emulate, watch and learn from - all with a decent degree of caution.

Being on top matters a little less to him than eventually pulling Heywood’s stings. With a little fear and a lot of persistence, Dean “V.” Smith knows that one day, he won’t go hungry on a weeknight. To that end, he’s certainly a hearty eater, here paired with extensive free-weight training regimens and the use of anabolic stimulants. Oh, sure, he’ll speak of family and blood like the best soldier festooned in Santa Muerte visual codices, but his friend Jackie’s got a mind like a slow and steady steel trap.

Either Dean blows his new fellow Street Samurai out of the pond, or he does. Unlike Jackie, however, Dean isn’t realistic about it. Friendships are a rare gift in Heywood, if not the rest of Night City, and Dean’s convinced that Jackie could conceivably look past his final betrayal.

Corpo: nowadays, we’re mostly familiar with the idea of one-percenters creating a bubble of affluence for themselves. Boarding schools, private villas, prebooked vacations across the globe’s priciest spots, access to the hottest trends on the minute of their inception - what this tends to forego is the level of social disconnect that’s required in order to stay relevant. We’re only just waking up to the consequences of letting an aging, crusty first-generation Yuppie be crowned the ruler of the free world, and even someone who’s behind on their Bret Easton Ellis could tell you that Donald J. Trump is a sociopath and a narcissist.

Take that mindset, and cultivate it into an ethos that’s taught to children from a very early age - children who live, eat, shit and breathe in accordance with their parent corporation’s tenets. The more placid, mid-tier lifers in the genre are called sararimen, in reference to William Gibson’s use of the term to designate low-level company workers in Chiba City. A bit like Shenzhen’s factory workers and execs, everything in a corpo’s life is in service to the corporation.

In Night City, as of 2077, two major players have installed this culture of total obedience in their roster. Their names are Militech and Arasaka. One is a juggernaut in the field of military-grade personal defence, the other has a wider grasp and reach, but is more fragile. Arasaka owes that fragility to the last fifty years having involved its re-establishment and reconstruction. Fifty years ago, Night City’s Corpo Plaza was blasted open by a thermonuclear discharge that sent the Japanese giant packing. The charges had been set by three Edgerunners: Rogue, Morgan Blackhand and Johnny Silverhand - accessorily a well-respected Rockerboy and front-line member of the band SAMURAI. Only Rogue survived that fateful night, or so the street lingo goes, having gone on to start a legitimate consultation business as well as a fruitful career in the hospitality business. Her bar, the Afterlife, is Night City’s hotspot for every techie, script kiddie and accomplished cyber-spelunker.

Our gal Vivian knows this. She knows this, because Vivian “V.” Banks lives two lives.

In one of them, she’s a lean and hungry Junior Executive in Arasaka’s Counter-Intel division. In that line of work, you either fuck someone’s prospects or protect your own, or ensure that no up-and-comer just out of the company’s Law School program manages to push you off the board. She knows full well that in centuries past, corpo-speak was made up of mild euphemisms that at best referred to destroying a rival’s prospects or lifelihood. Taking a life was something that required careful deliberation, especially when tossing a fat severance bonus into an aging CFO’s three-piece pockets and letting your erstwhile rival snort cocaine off of the rolling hips of Tahitian dancers was so much cheaper...

Nowadays, zeroing someone is commonplace.

You’re born for Arasaka, and chances are you’ll die for Arasaka just the same. Viv’s killed, lied, cheated and even stole her way to her position, remorse being this vaguely churning sense of coldness in her gut that keeps one-night stands coming in and out of her bedroom. She only remembers her parents as being credit-chip enablers and personal enhancement drug addicts, cutting ties with them so completely on the day of her official hiring that it felt more like a tacit understanding.

On most days, sex and booze keep the cold at bay. On most days, Vivian Banks is a class-act of a sociopath. The stronger she gets, however, and the more paranoid her targets become - which reinforces her own paranoia. Before long, playing the part of one of Arasaka’s several poisonous flowers won’t work anymore.

Unfortunately, she trusts no-one. No Fixer could put her in contact with any hacker she’d trust, no rando fresh off the street with a retro-tinted National Arms plinker would satisfy her. To climb up the ranks and maybe share tea with Old Man Saburo himself, she needs a spotless performance record. She needs skills.

More importantly, she needs a reputation. That means leaving Arasaka Tower and mingling with the experts in their own field - and it means filling out her back book of successful hits. The drinks at the Afterlife are decent enough, but what she’s after is an official in.

If she can get to Rogue, or maybe even hook up with a ripperdoc not bought and paid for by the company, she might be able to score both new skills and increased performance...

If it were as simple as slitting Janet’s throat in HR and diving her way to an orgiastic performance review quite innocently left on the department’s server, she would’ve done that already. Viv is my obvious Pure Stealth build candidate, my main-line hacker and would-be engineer with a thing for black power skirts and designer offensive augments.

With that said, we’re months ahead of schedule, all the good shit’s already come out, so we’re stuck playing the waiting game...

What are your own character or build ideas for Cyberpunk 2077?

#cyberpunk 2077 #spoilers #build ideas #characters #roleplaying

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H’s Book Reactions

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renée Ahdieh 

Shahrzad vows to marry the murderous king and kill him, but she discovers there may be more to him than meets the eye

-Allow me to set the stage: I am not a fan of Ahdieh’s stuff. I’ve tried starting this book multiple times in the past and was turned off. I read A Flame in the Mist last year and rated it one of the worst books I’ve ever read (admittedly, I was in a very different mindset when reading these two books). But for some reason, I was in the mood to hate-read this book. So I did, and, though fully expecting to loathe it, I really loved it

-If I had read this earlier in my life (re: before I developed critical thinking), I would have without a doubt been obsessed with this book. It is everything younger me could want. I deeply regret this, but I find comfort knowing it came out when I was in college and already had critical analyses skills :/

-This book actually has a lot of good things going for it: great incorporation of culture/setting, mostly interesting characters, cool premise. The purple prose is a bit excessive, but I thought it was written way better than in a Flame in the Mist despite being written first.

-The biggest issue I had was that the author didn’t want to commit to making her characters questionable. You have Shahrzad whose whole premise is to commit murder, but at no point does she actually come up with a good plan to commit murder or attempt to follow through. You have Khalid who is a murderer. Now from the beginning, I was expecting her to explain away the murders, but I was disappointed that the genesis of the murders still casted him as passive good guy when he should have been really morally grey or outright evil. Btw this and FitM, the author thinks that she can write enemies-to-lovers when really she can only write insta-loves (which is fine! I enjoyed the insta-love)

-There is such a disconnect between who people say Shahrzad is and who she shows to be. Tariq, Despina, her father, Khalid all say that she is brave and smart and loyal, but alot of times she’s not? She’ll talk back and she can shoot a bow, but they hype her up way more than she actually is and she becomes more passive as the book goes on? 

-I can’t believe I like Khalid. I can’t believe I swooned so hard over this romance (once I got over the fact that it was a insta-love and she had no intentions of killing him). Like damn, Ahdieh, you got me; I owe you many apologies

-Irsa should have been important in the book :/

-Tariq was the Nice Guy and it was fun to watch him lose

-I loved Jalal and and the JalalxDespina storyline, but 1) Despina should have been WAY more freaked out, she’s literally an unmarried woman in ancient times carrying a royal baby.  2) They should have interacted more! She blushes once at him and Shahrzad guesses their whole relationship from that; but also, they would have GREAT chemistry and we should have gotten to see it 

-I didn’t read the nightly tales Shahrzad told. Sorry not sorry

-The action scenes were like how I would have written them... and I can’t write action scenes. I will use this as an opportunity to encourage people: if a type of scene/plot is not your strong suit, you don’t have to write it in!

-Musa Zaragoza, Khalid’s mother, the magic rug (which was a Chekov’s gun unfired), and Khalid’s uncle were such interesting plotlines that should have been way more prominently featured

-The most emotionally gut-wrenching scenes I’ve read in a long time: Shahrzad finding the letters and Khalid telling her to kill him. Holy shit. I do not forgive the author for cutting the tension after these scenes

-Speaking of, this is just a general rule of thumb, but, yes, sex can be the culmination of tension, but it also cuts the tension and when you cut the tension, we no longer care. Straight men and women, ya’ll need to learn to YEARN

-I’m disappointed in where the story left off because it did not resolve anything, and I think it should have just been one big book instead of a duology. 

-I was just skimming at this point, but Jahandar started the fires right? Bc that’s the kinda of questionably grey actions this book is missing! 

-The fact that Khalid visits only her (like he just fell in love with her the moment he saw her?) makes no sense. The curse makes no sense. The fact that Shahrzad stayed alive for so long and it took so long for repercussions to happen makes no sense- but I do like the fact that there were repercussions at the end and not in the way we were expecting! 

#i won't tag this book bc i have not nice opinions #agent h #agent book reactions #ya books #ya book review #ya lit

[blodreina-noumou]

26, 27 & 30 for the 100 is over ask game!!! 🥰😁💜💜💜💜💜💜

Thank youuuuu, Luce!!

26. What are your top five ships?

At the end of it all - Linctavia, Memori, Sea Mechanic, Clexa, and Zaven. It was a rough go of it, with only one of those pairings surviving. But that’s The 100!

27. Rank the seasons, 1-7!

Starting from the bottom, working our way to the top:

7 - Season 6 truly felt like Bellarke fanfic for me, and I feel like it barely fits in with the rest of the series. There’s a lot it set up for s7 that I enjoyed - Prime Memori, the Anomaly stones, Octavia + Diyoza & Hope - but the entire storyline of Clarke being bodysnatched and Bellamy dropping everything to save her was just a snoozefest for me. I was lowkey pulling for Clarke to stay dead and Josephine to keep her body.

6 - Season 7 had a lot of high points for me, but it also took a massive leap into sci-fi that I’m not entirely sure the writers had the scientific chops to back up. It was a confusing season. And the way it all ended - ugh. I’m still mad about it, because the endless beach day just nullifies so many journeys for so many people. The writing and acting took a serious nosedive, and it was painfully clear that the story switched up halfway through. The first half of the season feels completely disconnected from the back half. 

5 - Season 4 is a mess, although it has its’ good moments. But ultimately, it’s a lot of contrived drama and bullshit to run out the clock on Praimfaya. Although this season has a few of my favorite episodes - 4x10, 4x13 - the overall plotline is just not as appealing as it could have been. Plus, the moment they destroyed Earth for the second time, the series changed forever, mostly for the worse.

4 -  Season 1 was once my least favorite season - we’ve come so far! I still think a lot of the writing and acting is really bad, but the storyline was simple enough that they could find a lot of really meaningful moments without having to bend over backwards to make the audience feel something. There’s a charm and quaintness to s1, and I enjoy it more now in retrospect.

3 - Season 3 is really where this series starts to get too messy, but it also includes some of my favorite worldbuilding and character moments. We see Memori bud and start to bloom here. Raven gets an actual storyline that isn’t just about saving the day and/or riding a moral high horse. Clexa runs its’ course and reaches its’ tragic, premature end. We get a lot more insight on Lincoln, Indra, Lexa, and the Grounders as a whole, including their culture and their customs. I think I’ll always be sad about where the series could have gone from s3, and I don’t love the back half nearly so much as the front. Still though - I always look forward to this season on rewatch.

2 - Season 5 is such an amazing season for Octavia, and for the Blake siblings. I still feel s5 would’ve made a good ending, especially as an “epilogue” of sorts for the story of the original Delinquents. A lot of storylines and character arcs came full circle, and we got to see everyone grown up and embracing new roles and identities. It’s the best season for Bellamy, one of the more interesting (and infuriating) for Clarke, and includes the short-lived but much beloved Zaven. 

1 - Season 2 was everything this show could have been. It has the best plot twists - Finn’s death, Clarke’s bisexuality, everything about the Mountain Men. Speaking of, has there ever been better antagonists in this universe? They were the perfect blend of almost-cartoonishly evil (using kidnapped and subjugated people as blood bags) and reasonably sympathetic (characters like Maya letting us see that not everyone was down for the blood bag thing.) Some of the most interesting moral dilemmas come up, and everyone has a cohesive role in the plot that serves the rest of the story. The simplicity, the drama, and the stakes were never really the same after this.

30. How many times have you seen each season?

I’ve seen the first three several times, at least five apiece. Rewatching the later seasons was always tough for me, though. I’ve seen s4 about three times, s6 once, and s7 once. s5 is the outlier - I’ve watched it at least five times as well. I’m just a sucker for Blodreina, what can I say?

This was so long! I am so wordy! Thank you for the ask!

#the hundred is donedred #asks #boomheda #ask games #stephspeaks

[paganinpurple]

A Feline’s Family - MariChat May 2019

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AO3

Chapters (If there’s no link, it’s not written yet)

1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20

21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31

Day 7 – Roommates

“Wake up, sweetheart.”

Chat groaned as a blurry Sabine gently shook his shoulder. He blinked repeatedly until she came into focus and for one blissful second, he was confused –wondering why she was here in his room– but then it all came rushing back to him, and the emotional rapids with it.

“We’ve only got you set up temporarily for tonight,” the woman told him from where she was perched on the edge of the couch next to him, “ The chaise isn’t very good for more than a couple of nights, but it’s better than this old thing. We’re working on getting you a real bed tomorrow.”

“Bed?” Chat said, sitting up in a hurry of tangled blankets and cushions, “Please tell me you aren’t buying one for me? The couch would’ve been fine, honest.”

“Nonsense,” she said with a sweet smile, “Besides, we all have to use the living-room and three other people in your space all the time will have you on edge.”

“But, you don’t have another bedroom,” Chat remembered suddenly. He’d been given the tour around his second or third visit and discovered the place was actually only a one-bedroom place, since Marinette’s room had been the attic originally and just converted into a room for her. “If I’m not sleeping here, then where…?”

“Upstairs.”

“Well, yeah. I figured that for tonight,” he said –after all she’d mentioned the chaise and he knew that was Marinette’s– “but if you’re getting me a bed, where are you going to put that?”

She smiled affectionately and shook her head a little before speaking slower and clearer to be sure he understood. “Up. Stairs.” She gestured for him to follow her and made her way up to the attic as he just sat there with wide, unblinking eyes.

***

“Then we get another screen –a much bigger one, mind you– and it can go here to split the room if either of you ever need your own space.” Tom gestured to the rough centre of Marinette’s room, using his hands to illustrate roughly how tall the screen he had mentioned would be. “I’ve seen plenty of them in that little homewares place the next arrondissement over. It’s just that they’re a little plain-”

“But I can always decorate them with a design or two,” Marinette interjected, “I know what kind of things I like for my side, so I just need ideas from you on how you want the other side done.” That seemed to make her consider something and she narrowed her eyes as she glanced about the room. “Actually, maybe we could redecorate the walls, so you’re not overwhelmed by pink all the time.”

Still reeling from the shock of learning he and Marinette were going to be sharing a room, Chat just stared from where he had slumped down on the chaise, green duvet pulled tightly around his shoulders. They had now talked him through their a few of their ideas for completely rearranging Marinette’s room –to create a space specifically for Chat– and he hadn’t even managed to respond to them once. It was a bit much to come to terms with.

He could barely believe he’d only been asleep for a few hours considering all the thought they’d put into his move already. Even just being offered a place to stay was more than he’d hoped to get when he’d disrupted everything. And here they were thinking about his long-term happiness already.

He considered the different ways they wanted to make space for him up here. One possibility was placing one of the large desks that made up the space beneath her bed to under the window by the chaise instead, the other moving further along from where it already sat to make room for another bed beneath the loft. Another –the one involving the screens– left Marinette with one side of the room and him the other. One of the desks would still be relocated to his side –along with his bed when they got one– and the chaise moved beside the wash-basin, the screens effectively separating the large room into two.

It wouldn’t be very big –there was barely enough room for all of Marinette’s projects at times already– but it would be his. A shared space, yes - but one where these people had made room in their lives just for him. It was far more than his father had ever done for him.

Shaking off that thought quickly before he started dwelling too much and upset himself again, Chat decided to just go ahead and address the elephant in the room. He turned to look at Marinette. “Am I the only one thinking it’s odd you’re all okay with a boy sharing your room?”

He watched as a deep scarlet started to spread across her face at his words, seeping from the opening of her shirt and even going so high as to dust the tips of her ears. Oh. Despite his question, he hadn’t expected that. It was a strange disconnect from reality to see her so cool and confident while talking about the logistics of him living in her room one minute, and then for her to be so utterly mortified the next.

“Yes, well-”

“Don’t you dare, Papa.”

Chat glanced from one glaring Dupain to the other in confusion, pleading with his eyes for someone to explain the silent warfare going on before him.

“Fine!” Marinette huffed, throwing her hands out in front of her and surprising him with how loudly she spoke, “But I refuse to be here while it happens.” She stomped out of the room, muttering something under her breath as she went. It sounded suspiciously like she’d used the words, “embarrassing” and “ridiculous.”

“Right, son,” Tom said, face suddenly stern and vaguely terrifying, “It’s time we had a talk about appropriate behaviour between a teenage boy and girl living under one roof.”

Chat gulped.

***

It’d been a long, emotional day for Chat Noir - for them all. He should have been exhausted and yet, he wasn’t. He just couldn’t stop thinking about his father. About Ladybug. And about how he wasn’t ready to face either of them yet.

What would he even say? If he had stayed and confronted his father, the man would have most likely tried to keep him locked up and isolated again. He wouldn’t even have been given his phone or an internet connection this time around - in order to try and keep him from telling anyone what he knew. And if he’d kept what he’d discovered to himself, and Hawkmoth’s powers really worked the way Master Fu had told him they did, his father would have soon known something was up. He would have detected the constant panic and distrust eventually and realised that Adrien knew more than he was supposed to. And that would have been the end of his short life, because –if he was being perfectly honest– he would die inside if he was forced to return to the way he used to live now that he’d had a taste of freedom.

As for Ladybug, he wasn’t sure how she’d react. Would she want to know Hawkmoth’s identity immediately? Or speak to Master Fu first to decide if learning who Chat was under the mask was too big a risk? Would she be angry with him for not saying something immediately? Would she be angry at him just for his blood connection with a magical terrorist? Would she and Master Fu try to take his Miraculous to avoid it falling into his father’s hands? He needed to know what he was or wasn’t going to tell her before the next akuma showed up.

At least he had bought time with his father. It had been worrying Chat how quickly he’d managed to put together a logical fallacy so he could continue to go to school and things when he wasn’t hidden in plain sight as a super-hero. Worrying mostly because that’s exactly how his father tended to think when coming up with solutions. Cold and calm planning calculated through creating an emotional distance from the situation until later.

He knew he could have simply disappeared as Adrien altogether, but his father would have had people out searching every home in Paris for him - he would have been slapped across every news outlet as a missing person. It wouldn’t have taken long for someone to spot him, or for Marinette and her family to connect the dots. And then how would they react?

So instead –before he’d run off to the bakery and allowed himself to break down– he had written a long letter. He had detailed everything he had seen and worked out in hindsight about his father’s activities as a terrorist, including the entrance to his lair and that Ladybug and Chat Noir had suspected Gabriel at one point. He’d also talked about years of neglect and emotional manipulation by the man to show that it wasn’t exactly a recent lapse in his moral compass that had led to him attacking Parisians on a daily basis. The letter had been attached to an email he had sent to his father, in which he explained that should Gabriel or anyone else try to take him home, or if his friends (or anyone seen with him) were approached or threatened or bribed in any way, then an email containing his letter was set to send to the press. He explained that it was held in more than one private cloud system he had signed up for, and should he fail to sign in and reset his scheduled mail each day, it would send automatically. It was a genuine, legitimate threat as well and if Gabriel decided to check his online history, he’d see hundreds of different cloud services Adrien had researched, choosing ones with free access, to ensure his father couldn’t cut them off by refusing payment.

He just hoped it was enough to dissuade the man from appearing at school, because Adrien was going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow as it was.

He looked up in the dimly lit room, seeing everything as clear as if it were day with his super-powered night-vision. There seemed to be a lot of movement coming from the loft and he wondered if Marinette was having just as much trouble falling asleep as he was.

“Are you asleep?” he whispered.

“No,” came the hushed response almost instantly, “I should be though. We both should.”

“Yeah. Just can’t stop thinking.”

“I know, Kitty. I know.”

He honestly didn’t know what he’d do without this girl and her parents right now. They had taken him in even before this whole mess and showered him with so much love and care when he visited that he wasn’t sure how to handle it. And now here they were, making a space for him in their home, in their lives. And he hadn’t even told them why.

“Thank you,” he said for what must have been the hundredth time, “You and your parents didn’t need to do this.”

“Of course, we did. Mama and Papa have practically adopted you already.” She yawned loudly as she finished speaking.

That was another thing…

He looked up to her bed. Looked away again. Bit his lip. Glanced back to her. He wasn’t going to say it. There was no way he was going to ask such an awkward question so he might as well just go to sl-

“Hey,” Damn it! “if your parents have adopted me…does that make me your brother?”

There was silence for a moment, and he thought maybe she had fallen asleep, but the sudden rustling of the duvet and a quick glance at her sitting upright and staring through the dark in his general direction quickly corrected him.

“No,” she said firmly, “No, you are not my brother. You are…” she looked pained and uncomfortable for a second until she settled on a word that her face told him she didn’t quite agree with, but was the best she could offer right now, “you’re my friend.”

Buy Me A Coffee?

#PIP writes #marichatmay2019 #A Feline's Family #MariChat May 2019 #marichat may!

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD DOctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3c)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptom overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid.

11th Doctor:

The Eleventh Doctor is a character that is the perfect representation of instability. He oscillates from generally childish, a cold force of nature and a chaotic man broken from anger and grief. It’s a compelling characterization because it gives some unpredictability in a show that can be formulaic. This doctor also is driven by a fear of abandonment and lack of attachment, probably because everyone Ten came to care for left him or got left behind him, this is shown in the 0 to 100-way Eleven acts within relationships. He is very alien and doesn’t do much to try and blend in a normal sense but does to cover up why he does thing still aching for acceptance. 

Eleven has the common Doctor trait of just running so nothing can touch you and avoid staying still in a very extreme state for much of the run, up until he has no other choice. It's a large part of the character’s arc stopping long enough to make a difference. 

Lack a sense of internal identity/stable self-image and he uses the idea of The Doctor as a mask (TV: Eleventh Hour, TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship). The Doctor references this phenomenon “Look, three options. One, I let the Star Whale continue in unendurable agony for hundreds more years. Two, I kill everyone on this ship. Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then I find a new name because I won't be The Doctor any more.”(TV: The Beast Below)

When introducing himself to Craige Eleven says;“ I'm The Doctor. Well, they call me The Doctor. I don't know why. I call me The Doctor, too. Still don't know why.” we know that there are reasons, like his promise that he chooses to use this title Eleven feels a disconnection from the word (TV: The Lodger) Being The Doctor is built on being that hero (TV: The God Complex)

The construction of the identity is remarked upon in TV: The Day of The Doctor, The Doctor itself is a construct they try and hold themselves to, the name is a “promise” a way they want to be. That promise was “Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up, never give in.” 

Connects his identity and emotions to inanimate objects like his Bow Tie, Fez, and Sonic (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Hungry Earth, TV: The Snowmen, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, & TV: Hide)

Eleven also changes his affect and personality around other for example River. Amy points this out saying “You're letting people call you sir. You never do that.” (TV: Time of Angels) 

The Doctor hates himself to a large degree even when talking himself up periodically. His self-concept often comes as a very powerful view of a god-like entity. This view is based on actual action and the way others see him, it can cause a huge dissonance and adds to his feelings of responsibility to everyone. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang, TV: Day of the Moon, TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: The Time of The Doctor & TV: The Day of The Doctor)

When Eleven, Amy and Rory get the psychic pollen in their brains The Doctor comments on the “dream Lord’; “No, no. No. Sorry, wasn't it obvious? The Dream Lord was me. Psychic pollen. It’s a mind parasite. It feeds on everything dark in you, gives it a voice, turns it against you. I'm nine hundred and seven. It had a lot to go on.” Amy is disturbed by this idea because the dream lord was both the villain of the dream and openly insulted Eleven like saying “If you had any more tawdry quirks you could open up a Tawdry Quirk Shop. The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first-year fashion student. I'm surprised you haven't got a little purple space dog just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are. Where was I?” (TV: Amy’s Choice). 

In TV: A Good Man Goes to War Eleven explicitly states he does not believe he is a good man. Eleven literally says “Oh no, no, no, no, no. Give me someone I like.” referring to when the TARDIS offers a holo doctor as the voice interface. This shows he does not have a positive opinion of himself. 

In TV: The God Complex Eleven speaks the Minotaurs last words “An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift. Then accept it, and sleep well. I wasn't talking about myself.” Eleven doesn’t seem to disagree, is caught off guard but seems to hit home. While Eleven doesn’t actively want to die and does try and live, but we can see that there are times when this does fail. He does view himself as broken down.  

 The Doctor’s rules are used as a kind of system of maintaining the idea of the ‘Doctor’ and a way of coping with the wrongs he has done, and a shorthand of communication (TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, &TV: Let’s Kill Hitler) These rules are also used in his own mind to try and give moral guidelines as part of this identity maintenance and to try and not hurt others. We see this in the comment Eleven makes “Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.” (TV: A Good Man Goes to War)

The Doctor has a lot of guilt in his life, he is willing to let himself die for others, his imposed isolation and his rules all reflect this. (TV: Amy’s Choice, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, Prequel to Let's Kill Hitler, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The Girl Who Waited, TV: The God Complex, & TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Name of The Doctor, TV: The Time of The Doctor, & TV: The Day of The Doctor) We see this really explicitly when he has the chance to find more time lords in TV: The Doctor's Wife and Amy reminds him what they thought he did to the others. 

Eleven says “I can explain. Tell them why I had to.” Amy then says “You want to be forgiven.” The Doctor then replies, “Don't we all?”. In that same story, Eleven says “Another Ood I failed to save.” when the Ood dies, referencing his history of letting Ood die in fights like in TV: The Satan Pit. 

After seeing the effect his story has had on those around him and the way it hurt people he cares about we see him delete himself from history out of guilt. (Home Video: The Inforarium, TV: Asylum of The Daleks and TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, & TV: The Nightmare in Silver).

Guilt often leads to him raining in his outward shows of strength to not invoke more guilt or memories of things like his believed use of the moment. However, it’s not always the case when Karlah-Jax triggers his trauma the guilt manifests in hurting others. The Doctor justifies his actions with a combination of trauma-based guilt and his moral system saying: “But they keep coming back, don't you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today. No. Today, I honour the victims first. His, the Master's, the Dalek's, all the people who died because of my mercy!” (TV: A Town Called Mercy) 

In TV: The Day of The Doctor we see how guilt is a huge diver of most of what they do throughout the show. Even to the point, the War Doctor wonders if without the guilt he would even become the same man that 10 and 11 are. However, it is important to note that using the moment isn’t the only guilt The Doctor carries. What he did to his companions is another one. Guilt and responsibility also drive a lot of the behaviour in TV: The Time of The Doctor. 

Eleven has extreme difficulties with handling his impulsive behaviours (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot, TV: The Lodger, TV: The Doctor's Wife, Minisode: Space/Time. TV:Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: Hide, TV: Journey To The Centre of The TARDIS, TV: The Name of The Doctor, & TV: The Day of The Doctor) His mind and thoughts get so ahead of himself he’ll do dumb things like baiting the armed people in the white house to shoot at him (TV: The Impossible Astronaut).

The Doctor has obsessive thoughts and behaviors connected with the impulse control and preoccupation with trauma (TV: Vincent and the Doctor,TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: Closing Time, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: journey to the center of the TARDIS & TV: The Time of The Doctor).

 Puts himself in deadly and dangerous situations. Often a combination of hero complex and a lack of regard for his own well being in dangerous moments. (TV: Victory of Daleks, TV: The Big Bang, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: Hide, & TV: Journey To The Center of The TARDIS)

This behaviour can become almost suicidal in nature taunting and getting to close other enemies. In TV: Flesh and Stone he puts himself in more danger than necessary. One of his plans amounts to suicidal actions. We can see similar actions in TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: Nightmare in Silver and TV: Cold War where he is willing to kill everyone to save others. 

After seeing The Doctor die Amy, River and Rory discuss what the next thing they should do is. We get this dialogue: 

Rory: “We're not all going to arrange our own wake and invite ourselves. So, The Doctor, in the future, knowing he's going to die, recruits his younger self and all of us to, to what, exactly? Avenge him?” 

River: Uh-huh. Avenging's not his style. 

Amy: Save him. 

Rory: Yeah, that's not really his style either.” 

In this conversation, we see that they recognize that Eleven one doesn’t want his friends to act violently, and Rory also recognizes that The Doctor is willing to die for, whatever the astronaut was about. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

Has very strong and reactive emotional states. The emotional reactions are shown very visibly in his face, voice and actions. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Victory of The Daleks, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Beast Below, Minisode: Space/Time, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, & TV: Journey To The Center of The TARDIS ) We also often see extreme rapid cycling emotions and affect (TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: The Pandorica Opens, The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People, TV: Closing Time, TV: The Doctor's Wife, & TV: The Rings of Akhaten)

We see an example of this when Eleven is talking his effect going from slightly annoyed, excited and falls down to tired and then cold derision all in one paragraph length of speech “Home. Well, you two are. Off you pop and make babies. And you, Doctor Song, back to prison. And me? I'm late for a biplane lesson in 1911. Or it could be knitting. Knitting or biplanes. One or the other. What? A mysterious summons. You think I'm just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your face. Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that.” (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

In TV: The Doctor's Wife we see an expression of cold and extreme anger. He slips in an expression of cruelty in the way he talks to the people who live on House threatening them and telling them to run. Ith the TARDIS they kill the house with only callous anger and disregard. We see a similar show TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship when his anger at the lack of morality that Solomon shows and his treatment of the Silurians and Nefertiti he kills the man to save the others. He does this showing very little regret a combination of severe anger and his ability to shut down and dissociate from his emotions. 

Another act of his anger common out in an act of manipulative violence is the TV: The Bells of Saint John by using the Base station to threaten to bring down and scare people into action and ends up using it. 

An extreme example of how strongly his anger can run is seen when he learns of the actions of Kahler-Jex. He comes back angry at the lies and feeling deeply upset at the lies. It escalates with Jax telling The Doctor he doesn’t understand when The Doctor absolutely understand what position Jax was in. All of this peaks and when Kahler-Jex references The Doctor’s own trauma and actions in his history of not only the Time War but the other actions he’s had to take, along with the all the death he blames on his inactions as well. It pushes him to the edge of violence yelling and acting out physically. However, unlike other examples of The Doctor being willing to hurt others to protect something and/or someone he loves this time it’s out of a trigger to the past, he loses control of the anger he feels. 

Jax “You wouldn’t” 

The Doctor replies “I Genuinely don’t know.” 

This shows that being so disconnected to the emotions his trauma brings makes this scene confuse him. (TV: A Town Called Mercy)

After Amy is captured Eleven shuts down his emotions, a strong emptiness comes over him which is different from Rory who has a level of desperation and love for Amy. 

Rory says “Amy, can you hear me? We're coming for you. Wherever you are, we're coming, I swear.” 

The Doctor answers; “She can't hear you. I'm so sorry. It's one way.”  

Rory replies “She can always hear me, Doctor. Always. Wherever she is, and she always knows that I am coming for her. Do you understand me? Always.” 

(TV: The Day of The Moon)

The Emotional shutdown can even form a block in his empathy, much like rage he sometimes swings the other way trying to not feel, TV: The Snowmen, but being unable to manage these he often starts lashing out to others by trying to act on feelings. 

In TV: A Good Man Goes To War when Vastra points out he is seen as a weapon his emotions go from sadness to an episode of dissociation. We can see this as he loses the ability to register what the others are saying and has to be brought out of it. A similar event can be seen after an anger outburst and discussions truly close to his traumatic history his friends have with Kahler-Jax. Eleven goes almost blank facially and folds into himself emotional;y and physically. He isolates himself by stepping away and he completely loses the thread of the events around him. We see this when he says “Hmm? Yes. I don't know. Whatever Amy said.” It also melds with his wildly changing emotions as he flies into anger right after this. (TV: A Town Called Mercy). We also see dissociation in TV: The Girl Who Waited, The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone & TV: The Snowmen)

We can see a physical manifestation in the way The Doctor physically acts as well. When he experiences dissociation and/or emotional shutdowns he curled into himself. (TV: The Day of The Moon, TV:The Girl Who Waited, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Snowmen, & TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS ). 

We can see another physical manifestation of the disconnection he feels from himself and the dissociation he has with his table identity when he gets dressed without his own knowledge, Seen in this exchange

The Doctors: “No, you didn't, because I don't. Because this isn't the sort of thing I do any more. Next time you're in trouble, don't expect me to” 

(The Doctor is distracted by his reflection in a mirror.) 

Clara “What is it? What's wrong?” 

The Doctor: Sorry, it's just. Didn't know I'd put it on.  

(TV: The Snowmen)

Memory gaps are also seen in TV: Hide when he doesn’t even know what’s in the console room and TV: The Day of The Doctor as he has lost track of his own age and timeline [Not remembering the events with the moment doesn't count] Also seen in TV: The Lodger

His emotions and trauma can bring Eleven to the point of pretty dramatic outbursts. When the Daleks are seen for the first time by Eleven expresses an episode of range attacks the Dalek with a wrench (TV: Victory of The Daleks) Fear and Anger lead to a panic and rage episode including throwing things around and losing focus (TV: Flesh and Stone). We see these trauma, guilt and anger based breakdowns screaming and pushing others away, saying “Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!” (TV: The Beast Below). We see a physical breakdown again in TV: The God Complex and TV: The Angels Take Manhattan. 

A trauma-induced Panic Attack can be seen in TV: Asylum of the Daleks. He shows all the physical attributes and calls out for help a very uncharacteristic way of reacting showing a more heightened fear response. After this reminder of his trauma during the war, we see him struggle to return to the normal emotional level struggling to show compassion he normally has for human hurt by the Daleks reacting with rage at the Dalek shell that Oswin is trapped into. And panics again when she starts to move. 

In TV: Nightmare in Silver just seeing a Cyberman he goes into protect mode his easily triggered survival and protective manner. 

The Doctor is a show-off and is very dramatic to project the appearance he wants and hid a lot under it/ (TV: The Eleventh Hour, Minisode: Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: The Big Bang, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: Day of The Moon, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: A Christmas Carol, TV: The Wedding of River Song TV: The Asylum of The Daleks, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV:The Snowmen, TV: The Bells of Saint John,TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS, & TV: The Day of The Doctor ). 

Often done to people he wants to like him like Amy, saying: “A forest in a bottle on a spaceship in a maze. Have I impressed you yet, Amy Pond?”(TV: Flesh and Stone) When Eleven finds himself in the oval office he goes on a rant, flaunt his intelligence and sits in the president's chair. Enjoying Putting on a show for his friends as well it works to refocus control and attention to him. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

In TV: A Good Man Goes To War we see a huge example of this. It is a combination of the way using confusion and manipulation is The Doctor's signature method of fighting enemies but it also is a way he enjoys getting positive and negative attention. 

Amy Pond is His favourite person and they both have a codependent relationship to a very high degree. Both being a defining part of the others life. Eleven while not really wanting a romantic relationship with Amy still experiences worry around Amy wanting to leave him some jealousy with Rory (TV: The Vampires of Venice) Is deeply protective over Amy even when he does bring in to dangerous situations (TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, & TV: The Pandorica Opens). Eleven struggles to attach healthy to others wanting this full 100% or 0% love (TV: The Eleventh Hour. TV: The God Complex, & TV: The Power of Three)

We this complete or zero attachment in action again in TV: The Snowmen with Clara. Going from a lockout of people in general to trying to make her come with him and feeling a deep connection in the matter of a day. Even when he doesn’t trust River Song yet he becomes jealous when she gives attention to others like saying “What? You two engaged or something?” when the father follows her around (TV: Flesh and Stone)

His extreme connection to his companions magnifies his own grief tenfold causing pretty deep reactions when losing his FP in the form of Amy. (TV: The Angels Take Manhattan & The Snowmen). His general problems with attachment magnify grief and loss in general, he struggles to form normal relationships and has deep abandonment issues that we see starting a few doctors back. This is further compounded by his long lifespan meaning he can see the way people are eventually going to lose them. In TV: The Power of Three he explains the way he knows loss is coming and tries to lose it, but when hitting this realization hard on he actually attempts to severe the bond before getting really hurt but that doesn’t work. He then pushes everyone again when the loss does it. (TV: The Snowmen). Clara points out that she is competing with a ghost in TV: The Rings of Akhaten, which while he rebuffs this she was actually right, one because he only picked her up based on a past loss but also because for a very long time the companions are competing with the ghost of past loss as it informs how protective and guilty The Doctor is with everyone. 

This struggle with grief can also be seen in TV: The Time of The Doctor when The Doctor as he sends Clara away to not deal with losing her even though that isn’t what she wants. 

Likes to be in control of everything to feel like he can manage a world that constantly throws pain and disorder. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Earth, TV: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Curse of the Black Spot, TV: The Crimson Horror, TV: Nightmare in Silver, TV: Cold War, & TV: The Name of The Doctor) 

Eleven takes control no matter who is around them, up to and including the president of the united states (TV: The Impossible Astronaut/Day of The Moon). There is also often the need to try and protect people, though this often bothers the people as it takes their choice from them. (TV: A Christmas Carol, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, & TV: Name of The Doctor). 

In Prose: Touched By an Angel Eleven comments that Rory is "disconcertingly full of surprises" when he alters the plans Eleven is trying to work through. In TV: The Snowmen we see another example of his control issues verbalized by Eleven when Clara attempts to lead him saying “No, I do the hand grabbing. That's my job. That's always me!”, a telling example of the way Clara not listening even more than normal throws him off balance. 

In TV: The Time of The Doctor The Doctor takes control of not just the battle but ends up essentially running the entire planet, based on a hero/god complex along with his warranted feeling of responsibility. In TV:Day of The Doctor we see this control and god complex in an extreme form as they feel a responsibility to save the entire universe, it’s also connected to guilt born from trauma The Doctor experienced throughout the time war even before the use of the moment, as the War Doctor feels the same responsibility/god complex. 

Eleven tries to control the entire situation of the adventures and the situations around those he loves. It’s not trying to really hurt them, and often works but he still wants to try and make everything work right. (TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: The Crimson Horror)

 We see an example of this also TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People in the way he doesn’t tell people what he’s doing so no one interferes with his plans, even willing to lie to people by omission and right out no telling Amy which doctor is made of Flesh and which is the Time Lord. Similar to this situation in TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS The Doctor manipulates the salvage crew withholding information, using intimidation and his superior understanding of the TARDIS to get what he wants so he can save Clara. The Doctor also lies to Clara here and scares her once he does lose that control, the lies and information he had been hiding for long can’t keep in under stress. 

Lacks any ability to trust almost anybody (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, & TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS). TV: The Impossible Astronaut gives us to rather good examples of this, the person he trusts number one is himself over anyone who has been with him over time. Also when talking to River he says “Trust you? Sure. But, first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You're someone from my future. Getting that. But who? Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill, hmm? Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously.” a cruel statement of his trust issues, and acts as a way to push her away and keep at arm's length even when he does enjoy her company. 

The Doctor struggles to understand and communicate ideas and emotions. Forming new relationships are hard for him his ability for healthy attachments in non-existent. We see this with Rory a lot. Rory doesn’t quickly fall in line with The Doctors normal way of functioning. Eleven doesn't have a good ability to communicate their issues. This makes relationships pretty volatile with River, Amy and Clara even when they are what he loves most 

Experiences splitting mostly with River Goes back and forth being very flirty and then pushing River away (TV: Flesh and Stone, TV: A Good Man Goes to War, & TV: The Day of The Moon)

Eleven avoids talking about trauma trying to not remember or discuss it while it also clearly affects everything he does (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, TV: Day of The Doctor, TV: The Snowmen, TV: Hide TV: The Name of The Doctor, TV: The Day of The Doctor & The Time of The Doctor) Distraction used as a coping mechanism (TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: The hungry Earth) When he does talk about it he struggles to then stop (TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: The Day of The Doctor).

The Doctor isn’t in touch with his emotions (TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Snowmen, & TV: The Bells of Saint John). In TV: A Good Man Goes To War he comments “Oh, look, I'm angry. That's new. I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.” However, The Doctor often shows anger to the point of outbursts of violence. This shows a profound disconnect from his own emotional state. 

Eleven like the previous incarnations is deeply lonely and feels like he is alone and disconnected (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: Night Terrors TV: The Bells of Saint John) We see this in his trying to connect with the Krafayis “Well, no harm trying. Listen. Listen! I know you can understand me, even though I know you won't understand why you can understand me. I also know that no one's talked to you for a pretty long stretch, but please, listen. I also don't belong on this planet. I also am alone. If you trust me, I'm sure we can come to some kind of, you know, understanding. And then, and then, who knows?” (TV: Vincent and The Doctor) 

The most extreme example of this is of course seen in TV: The Snowmen where for what is implied to be years The Doctor isolates himself from almost everyone and stops trying to help others. 

The Doctor experiences hypervigilance and general hyperarousal symptoms about him always on edge and looking for danger. It also causes him trouble staying still and enjoying any calm (TV: Amy’s Choice, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood, TV: The Lodger, TV: The Impossible Astronaut, TV: Closing Time, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: Closing Time TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Bells of Saint John, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, & TV Nightmare in Silver)  

We see this in his conversation with Amy Saying; “Oh, lovely. You're a cheery one. Never mind dead, look at this place. Isn't it wrong?” Amy is confused by this “What's wrong?” Elven seems genuinely surprised that she doesn’t see what is happening the way he can “Come on, use your eyes. Notice everything. What's wrong with this picture?” (TV: The Beast Below) 

Even when in a calm environment like a museum The Doctor is on the lookout. When viewing Van Gogh art he stops to investigate danger having noticed it everywhere “Yes. And not a nice face at all. I know evil when I see it and I see it in that window.“ (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

The Doctor deals with catastrophization (TV: The Beast Below, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot & Prequels: Prequel to The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe) The Doctor also struggles to view the world with an active hope more using it an idea to focus his thoughts, it takes extreme emotions to push through that, and not much to bring it all crashing down. (TV: The Doctor The Widow in the Wardrobe, Minisode: Meanwhile in The TARDIS, & TV: The Angels Take Manhattan)

Other people tend to understand and see his erratic behaviour. In TV: The Time of Angles. 

Father Octavian asked River “Doctor Song, I've lost good Clerics today. You trust this man? “ 

She replies “I absolutely trust him.” 

Octavian asks “ He's not some kind of madman, then?” 

All River does is repeat “ I absolutely trust him”. 

A comment on the very noticeable erratic behaviour and presentation of his feelings and dysregulation, his own friends who trust him can’t even pretend he isn’t like that. Clara makes a similar comment in TV: Nightmare in Silver.

Multiple times people who knows him warn against getting to the emotional breaking point. In TV: The Doctor's Wife  Amy says “Don't get emotional because that's when you make a mistake” In TV: Forest of The Dead River warns Ten against it when he generally has a slightly higher boiling point to Eleven to experience full emotional breakdowns. 

Rory finds The Doctor to be dangerous in his ability to be magnetic and the way his own recklessness plays of each other. (TV: The Vampires of Venice)

The Doctor’s interactions with Van Gogh is really interesting we see to a large instance I think he understands what he is going through but trying to use his own coping mechanisms on Van Gogh proves to not be very effective. He tries to make Van Gogh focus on the task at hand, ignore people calling him crazy don’t think about the pain. But of course, this doesn’t work for Van Gogh who has slightly different problems than The Doctor and can’t function on denial. 

We also see his difficulty with communication here talking about his or others feelings being a struggle. He does try and offer kindness with mentioning hope, and then lets Van Gogh he will be remembered kindly a truly kind act. Eleven is also distinctly less surprised than Amy that one kind day can not make someone not struggle with suicidal thoughts, something I think comes from both his knowledge of time travel but personal experience with mental illness. (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

In TV: Hide we see Emma Grayling being able to read The Doctor because she is an empath, this ability makes her distrustful of The Doctor overall but also works with him because she can tell he does want to save people. Emma warns Clara about the fact the Doctor’s history has left him deeply damaged she says“Don't trust him. There's a sliver of ice in his heart.” 

Professor Alec Palmer also reads The Doctor in this same episode, he can tell the Doctor has seen traumatic events of war and death just like he as. They are similar people and they can see it in each other. 

Eleven has become so used to the chaos and violence that he cannot change and disconnect. Adventure and violence are the only way he knows how to function, also I sort of an addiction to chaos. (Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Lodger, TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, TV: The Power of Three, & TV: A Town Called Mercy) 

We see The Doctor has a breakdown in being able to enjoy a normal life and things, even some of the less violent of the things in space like stars or general life (Minisode: Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2)

While The Doctor is addicted to violence he has a deep moral problem with the concept of war and hurting other creatures. The Doctor also tries to ensure that other people don’t have to live in the war as he did. It is hypocritical as The Doctor will cause harm for the greater good. However, opposition to war is as much a part of the identity as a moral concept. This hatred of war actually dates back to the early doctors and carried through till this point, now with the layers of trauma and having continuously broken the morals himself. (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood, TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, & TV: Nightmare in Silver)

Other soldiers and actors of violence can always read this past in The Doctor (TV: Hide, TV: Nightmare in Silver, & TV: The Name of The Doctor). This is seen in TV: Cold War when the other soldiers can see that The Doctor understands the battle, River also comments on this in TV: Let’s kill Hitler as she was taught that he understood “all forms of war.'' He is confronted with the way he’s been acting as a violent force when he learns the Gamma forest uses the doctor as the war for a warrior (TV: A Good Man Goes to War). 

TV: The Day of The Doctor shows us this understanding of battles and violent politics, and how much this is splitting to his character as The War Doctor refuses to even call himself The Doctor. It shows how much he understands about war. This carries into TV: The Time of The Doctor where he can wage a hundred years of war and win. 

Insomnia: (TV: The Lodger, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Bells of Saint John)

Disordered eating: (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Time of The Doctor)

Eleven is a character built on contradictions bu as highly magnetic as the other doctors. His arc is similar to 9s in being bittersweet, he dies with those he loves having saved people but is also sad because his last days were spent in war when that’s the last thing he wanted to do, they were also tainted by feelings of guilt for his part in what happened. He changes some over time in relation to loss but has less profound shifts than many other New Who doctors. 

[Also Posted on my Archive of Our Own page in a series with the other doctor study posts]

Shout out to @3lianav for requesting/reminding me to get this section up

#type: #my post #text #topic: #Character Study #the doctor study #character analysis #nd headcanons #ptsd headcanon #bpd headcanon #trauma and media #fandom: #doctor who #new who #Character: #eleventh doctor #river song #clara oswald #amy pond #Rory Williams #other: #cptsd #ptsd #media #bpd #11th Doctor #the doctor #trauma #war cw #murder cw

[faerytalesfromtheabyss]

Faerie Books For “Folk of the Air” Withdrawals

In my opinion, Holly Black is the gold standard for faerie books. She writes faeries in a way that draws on folklore, yet makes sense in the common day. She has concrete rules that her faeries never break (eg. aversion to salt and iron, their magic can’t work against charms, they can deceive but can’t lie, etc.) Faeries seem different than humans and we are constantly reminded that they are alien creatures (Eg. Performing monstrosities, their morality, the way they speak) 

When faeries use magic it seems so natural to the universe Black has created that it doesn’t really feel like magic. The one time someone uses a spectacular display of magic that could be perceived as overpowered (at the end of The Wicked King), it’s someone coming into his powers and truly accepting his role as a king.

I’ve already written a pretty extensive post about the other books in Holly Black’s faerie universe (Modern Faerie Tale Series, Darkest Part of the Forest, Spiderwick, etc). Check that out if you’re looking for more Holly Black books and want to learn about my suggested reading order.

Under the cut, I’ll talk about other YA faerie books and some resources if you want to learn more about faerie folklore. You should also take into account that I’m super picky about books. Even though I gave a lot of them low ratings, I don’t regret reading any of them. I’m just overly critical, and there are specific trends and tropes that really bug me. Definitely look on Goodreads for a more detailed summaries and other reviews.

Let’s address some of the most popular faerie books first:

The Dark Artifices by: Cassandra Clare

If you like Holly Black, you’ll probably like (and probably already know) Cassandra Clare. They both write urban fantasy and they're both part of the same writing group. They even went on tour together.

The Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices have faeries in them, but faeries don’t become a central point in the Shadowhunter universe until The Dark Artifices.   

I’m still slowly trekking my way through Mortal Instruments Part II so I haven’t gotten to The Dark Artifices yet. And since events that happen in Mortal Instruments directly affect the characters in Dark Artifices, you can’t really skip directly to this series.

Throne of Glass by: Sarah J. Maas

I honestly can’t address the faeries in this series because I’ve only read the first 3 books, but I assume they’re going to be pretty similar to the fae in A Court of Thorns and Roses. Luckily, I heard this series picks up in book 4, so we’ll see. I honestly haven’t been very impressed with the first three books.

Okay, so here are some books I can give actually give insight into:

A Court of Thorns and Roses by: Sarah J. Maas

A Court of Thorns and Roses (3/5 Stars)

A Court of Mist and Fury (5/5 Stars)

A Court of Mist and Fury (4/5 Stars)

A Court of Frost and Starlight 2/5 (Honestly, there was no plot in this novella)

This talking point doesn’t have to do with faeries, but it’s something I think people should be aware of before picking up this series:

There are a lot of issues with consent (or more accurately, the lack there of) in A Court of Thorns and Roses. I don’t want to go into that here so I’ll link to a Mostly YA Lit blog post that points out the issues I have with the first book. I think A Court of Mist and Fury started to broach the issues of consent in ACOTAR, but it didn’t explore this topic as thoroughly as I would have liked.

Personally, I wouldn’t call this a good faerie series. Most of the faeries act far too much like humans. So much so, that I sometimes forget that they’re fae. They just act like humans with super powers. Folk lore elements—like faeries not being able to lie and aversion to iron—are thrown right out the window. All the characters (especially in the later books) are way overpowered. For you writers out there, this book is a good example of how to not employ a soft magic system.

While I wouldn’t call this a good faerie series, I would still call this an alright series. A lot of people love this series.

SMJ’s strongest skills are writing characters and exploring characters’ emotions. Although I a ton of issues with this series, I would be lying if I didn’t say that A Court of Mist and Fury is one of the best YA fantasy books to explore PTSD, pain, and healing. 

The Scorpio Races: by Maggie Stiefvater (5/5 Stars)

Unlike the other books on this list, this book doesn’t focus on faery courts. The Scorpio Races focuses on one very specific type of faery, the eich uisce, a type of man-eating water horse from Celtic folklore. Every year on the island of Thisby, people capture and train these water horses in order to race them.

Like Holly Black’s books, Stiefvater incorporates folklore but adds her own twist. She’s very consistent with the magic rules she sets on water horses. (Eg. Bells and red ribbons can calm them, they have an aversion to iron, etc)

Now some less popular faerie books: An Enchantment of Ravens:  (3/5 Stars)

This book takes place in a fantasy world with humans and faeries.

Here’s the downside: The heroine and love interest are very typical YA characters. (It was written in 2017, but it feels like it was written in 2007). There really isn’t anything unique about the main charters, and they didn’t have much chemistry. 

Now, here’s the good stuff: The book has a very interesting interpretation of faeries. If faeries try to make anything (even cook), they will start to crumble away and die. The faeries find humans valuable because humans are able to make crafts. Humans can become fae... at a price—they have to give up their art. One of the interesting things though is that the heroine, an artist, is opposed to becoming immortal because she would have to give up her art.

The Wicked Lovely Series: Melissa Marr

Wicked Lovely 2/5 

Ink Exchange 3/5

The Wicked Lovely Series is an urban fantasy series where the fae live invisible among humans. 

The first book is very preachy at some points. And there’s a disconnect between the feminist values that the author attempts to display and what is actually in the story (how the characters behave, the plot, etc). Also, the author breaks the rules she sets up in her universe. (Eg. Faeries aren’t supposed to be able to go near iron… Oh wait, the strong ones can. Oh wait, it looks like pretty much all of them can with little affect.) Both books have issues with consent and women being controlled by fae. 

Why do I continue to read this series? I like the world Marr created. It’s dark and intriguing so many authors forget the manevolent nature of faeries. Marr also has an interesting interpretation of how fae would live in cities. It reminds me a bit of Holly Black’s Modern Faerie Tale series. Also, I like that the endings of these books are different than most YA. To avoid spoilers, I’ll say there’s some subverting of tropes.

Wintersong by: S. Jae-Jones (2/5 Stars)

Wintersong takes place somewhere in Austria or Germany during the late 1700s. It’s like a combination of Pan’s Labyrinth, the poem Goblin Market, alderking folklore, and some Beauty and the Beast/Hades and Persephone thrown in. 

One of the things I like about this book is that the main character is ugly and that never changes. Seriously, YA has too many jaw-droopingly-beautiful heroines. Being pretty has nothing to do with your value as a person. Can I please have some average or ugly heroines with good self esteem or that achieve good self esteem? 

The goblins and their home are dark and twisted ( think Under the Mountain if you like SJM or unseelie court or )

While the writing is beautiful, this book is riddled with plot holes and things that don’t add up. The first half of the book is great and has to do with the main character saving her sister from the Goblin King/Alderking. Then it drifts off into never-never land. The plot diminishes. You can also tell that this book was originally going to be written for adults and was changed (seemingly at the last minute) to YA.

Also, there’s a lot of weird issues about sex. The main character is fixated on the idea that having sex will make her a woman. Also, it has that shitty misconception about women bleeding when they have sex for the first time. No, that shouldn’t happen. Fantasy books (especially YA which is aimed at young women) need to get rid of that trope. There’s also some shit that the heroine will die if she has sex with the Goblin King too often because it draws on her life-force or some shit.

Seriously, why is sex handled so poorly in so many of these books? How hard is it to have consensual sex that is handled normally. Hint: It’s not! 

I would like to take a moment to thank Holly Black for writing Jude as a character (and even Taryn) with agency in her sex life. 

The Iron Fey Series by: Julie Kagawa

I’m currently reading the first book in this series. Let me tell you, it feels very circa 2010 YA. A half-human-half-faerie girl goes to a magical land to save her brother from faeries. It leans a lot on characters from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Resources for Learning More About Faery Folklore 

Faeries by Brian Froud and Alan Lee

This is a really good, quick resource if you want to take a crash course in faerie lore. (Eg. Common types of fae, charms and protections against fae, the courts, faerie hills, etc)

An Encyclopedia of Fairies by: Katharine Briggs

If you want to know anything about the faeries of Ireland and the British isles, you can find it in this book. There’s a lot of fun stories about different fae, too. 

Abbey Lubbers, Banshees, & Boggarts by: Katharine Briggs

If you find Briggs’s other book overwhelming, try this one. It’s a lot of the same information but more condensed. 

The Lore Podcast by: Aaron Mahnke

This podcast talks about folklore and everything paranormal (from ghosts and clairvoyants to vampires and werewolves). I recommend the entire podcast but here are a few episodes with information about faeries:

Episode 5: "Under Construction”— Folklore about the huldufolk (elves) of Iceland

Episode 11: ”Black Stockings”— Folklore about changelings. I’m going to warn you, this episode is very done but very, very sad

Episode 14: "The Others” — Folklore about “little people” in various cultures, including púcas (one of my favorite fae)

Some YA Faerie Books I have on my TBR:

White Stag by: Kara Barbieri

The Perilous Gard by: Elizabeth Marie Pope

The Folk Keeper by: Franny Billingsley

The Goblin Emperor: Katherine Addison

Glimmerglass by: Jenna Black 

Wings by: Aprilynne Pike 

Bitter Frost by: Kailin Gow 

Tam Lin by: Pamela Dean

Fablehaven by: Brandon Mull

That was a long post, so I thank you for taking the time to read it! Please reblog and add your favorite faerie books (especially if they’re similar to Holly Black’s books)! And feel free to DM me or slip a message in my ask box if you have any questions or want book recs.

Hopefully something on this list will hold us over until Queen of Nothing comes out!

#the cruel prince #the wicked king #tcp #twk #the folk of the air #folk of the air #Darkest part of the forest #modern faerie tale #tithe #ironside #faery #faery books #book recs

[bananagreste]

I wish the show’s main plot is about the kids, their friendships and shenanigans, instead of the supposedly deep, supposedly mysterious and supposedly angsty plot that leaves people feeling disconnected because there’s no build up.

The show’s main plot has the potential to be great if done properly, but there’s a lot of vagueness and assumptions that I feel instead of the writers trying to keep it a surprise, it’s more like they don’t know what their plot is about.

What else could explain the inconsistencies?

However, that’s discussion for another day.

The reason I wish the show’s main plot to about the kids is because I want to see their interactions with each other on screen, instead of assume they may have interactions but off screen.

‘But, they do have interactions!‘

Really?

Marinette is the protagonist of the show, thus the episodes are normally presented through her perspective. However, this is restrictive because Marinette can’t possibly be present in every situation imaginable.

Unfortunately, the narrative forces Marinette to be present in every single thing, even though the plot is not necessarily about her. It would have been better if the episodes feature the perspective of the character being focused on, but the narrative does not do that.

For example, in Queen Wasp, impressed with Marinette’s hat, Audrey offers to take her to New York for a chance to become a fashion designer. The episode could have focused on Marinette’s dilemma choosing between her dreams or her duties as superhero. However, the episode is about Chloe, who gets upset with her mother’s treatment of her.

Another example is Frozer, Chat Noir is rejected by Ladybug who reminds him again that she likes someone else. Dejected, Adrien wants to seek love advice. This episode could have been a nod to Animan, where Adrien asks Nino, the one with a girlfriend. However, he asks Marinette for advice instead, unaware that he traps her into an awkward situation.

Last example is Catalyst, where Marinette makes an impossible promise after Chloe provokes her because she always does the same thing for Heroes Day. However, at the end of Mayura, the subplot is magically resolved with the classmates deciding to appreciate Marinette for her efforts to help them.

There are other examples, however, I choose the latest episodes to illustrate how Marinette often ends up in situations she never ask to be in but has no choice because she is the protagonist.

Queen Wasp

Marinette aspires to be a fashion designer so an offer to go to New York? It’s an amazing opportunity. Unfortunately, this subplot only exists to provide Chloe a reason to be upset at her mother for choosing the girl she dislikes over her. Audrey chooses Marinette for her talents and it’s unfair to her if she’s discredited simply because Chloe says so.

However, Marinette never asks to be offered to go to New York. It’s a fashion show, not a fashion design competition. If it is the latter and the winner gets an offer to go to New York, it’s an entirely different case. Marinette also has no idea that Chloe wants to go to New York with her mother. In a situation where saying ‘no’ means forfeiting her chance at fulfilling her dreams, but saying ‘yes’ means Chloe holding a grudge towards her, she’s stuck.

Chloe’s issues should have been handled better, especially the epilogue. Why have Marinette sarcastically insult Chloe and Audrey when it is more powerful if she tell them how Chloe’s stunt to impress Audrey can result in serious injuries, potentially death? Marinette’s parents are inside the train and if Ladybug and Chat Noir didn’t arrive in time to stop the train from crashing, would the Bourgeois family take responsibility?

“I can’t change the way you and your daughter behave, but please think about how your behaviour have consequences towards other people. I almost lost my parents today. Can you imagine losing yours?“

Frozer

It’s nice that Adrien trusts Marinette as his friend but she’s not the right person to talk about his crush. If he doesn’t want to disturb Nino because he’s with Alya, who cares? Nino is his best friend and he has a girlfriend. It won’t kill him to drag Nino away from Alya and asks for his advice. Nino will probably roast Adrien, ‘Adrien Agreste, popular model, with love troubles? Wow, and I thought you can do anything!‘, but will help him to return the favor (Animan).

When Adrien tells Marinette he’s too shy to go the ice rink alone, I’m like, “Boy, if you are not brave enough to be alone with someone, why even bother going on a date?” He might as well bring Gorilla as chaperone.

Adrien’s motives are also confusing. He refuses to move on from Ladybug, but tells Marinette that he has a crush on Kagami, but Kagami thinks Adrien has a crush on Marinette because he can’t stop looking at her and nobody is aware that the girl he likes is actually Ladybug.

Adrien should have been honest to Kagami on why Marinette’s there at the rink, but he lies. Instead of roasting him for the truth, the narrative shifts to Marinette's indecisiveness and Kagami is praised for telling Marinette that she should move her ass instead of hesitating, or she’ll take Adrien away from her.

Hold on for a minute.

When did it become about Marinette when it should have been about Adrien?

This episode exists because a boy can’t accept a girl’s rejection despite having a valid reason. He decides to go on a date but drags his female friend to tag along with him but lies to his date about why the friend’s there because he can’t admit he’s scared of his date. The girls don’t communicate except for exactly 8 seconds. The boy then ditch his date to check on the friend.

In the end, it doesn’t even matter because Adrien decides to maintain the same target, even if he keeps failing. It’s basically the same conclusion as Glaciator, but now Kagami sees Marinette as a love rival.

When Kagami is said to be Adrien’s rival, I thought she would challenge him but understands the pressure of fulfilling family’s expectations. Never did I expect her to be Marinette’s rival in their conquest for Adrien’s love. I thought Lila is enough but I guess not.

People claim that Kagami doesn’t see Adrien romantically, that Kagami wants to help Adrien and Marinette get together, but I’ll reserve the judgement until S3.

It would have been interesting if Adrien asks Nino for advice, Nino spills the beans to Alya, Alya tells Marinette in panic and Marinette starts to despair. However, Alya refuses to let Marinette lose hope so she concocts a plan to sabotage the date. Is it a good idea? No. Is it fair to Adrien? No. But is it worth the risk for her best friend’s love life? Yes.

Besides, from the girls who execute Operation: Secret Garden, what do they have to lose? Heck, get the boys in their class to join in as well. Adrien goes on a date with Kagami and everyone is there to his confusion. If anyone asks? They want to go ice skating with everyone.

Catalyst + Mayura (Heroes Day)

The season finale is... eh.

Marinette’s subplot is unnecessary as it has no bearing on Mothygreste’s plans to attack Paris on Heroes Day. Marinette can plan 100 good deeds 100 days in advance and she will still be interrupted bc a jerk decide to ruin everyone’s day.

Also, does it not bother anyone when Ladybug says they are unprepared to face Mothy? I understand if this is Origins where they have no idea what they are doing bc they are new at being superheroes, but it’s been 48 episodes.

I guess it’s a good thing the akumatized villains are mostly into brawls, because they would have been tough to beat if they actually use their powers. With this in mind, The Puppeteer does a better job despite being a child. (Take that, Mothy!)

It’s nice that Ladybug asks Mothy to surrender in peace but really, because Lucky Charm says so? “Here’s an empty box, Mothy. You know what that means!“ “Who says it’s not your earrings that should be inside that box?!“

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ 

Speaking of Marinette’s subplot, can her parents be more supportive when she needs them the most? Yes, her promise is definitely outrageous and they are on time crunch with prior commitment but can’t they work on a compromise? If they can’t do a big feast, they can still do a small feast. They are not feeding the school, just the class. Besides, Tom destroyed Marinette’s birthday cake three times in Befana but he managed to deliver in the end.

Sabine gives good advice - being truthful *is* a heroic act, but peer pressure is a thing and Marinette doesn’t like to disappoint people. Also, she has anxiety and tends to overthink. You know what people with anxiety and overthinking end up doing when people reassure them everything will be fine? They don’t believe you because they already thought of the worst possible situation.

Marinette is not acting stubborn when she insists she can do the baking all by herself. Her stubbornness masks her panic. She can bake but she fails bc her mind is all over the place. If you can’t focus, nothing comes out right.

Anyway, let’s not solve the subplot and skip ahead to the picnic scene!

Let’s have Adrien, the one with the moral compass despite not deserving of it, tell Marinette how she’s been helpful to everyone so we can get the Adrinette cheek kiss scene which makes everyone happy and forget the disaster even happened. Honestly, it’s more significant if everyone individually tell Marinette about her good deeds but that requires time and we have none.

Really, how do you look at the season finale and think it’s great when the pacing is terrible? Mothygreste’s plans are basically a giant publicity stunt.

You think I’m done with this?

When I wish for interactions between the kids, I wish for interactions between kids who are not Marinette with kids who are not Marinette, specifically Adrien interacting with other characters.

We see Marinette interact with almost everyone in the show, from the children, to the friends, and to the adults, but we don’t see others interacting unless Marinette happens to be there.

Adrien has two goals in Origins. He want to attend school like everyone else and he want to make friends like everyone else. Despite fulfilling his goals, I feel something is missing about his friendships.

That’s right, we don’t see Adrien’s interactions with his friends.

ADRIEN + NINO

Nino is Adrien’s best friend but how many times have they interacted with each other on screen? Nowadays, when we see Nino, he’s usually with Alya. We still see Alya hang out with Marinette so it’s not like she’s attached to Nino’s hip. (In light of S3, maybe Alya does want to attach herself to Nino’s hip.)

Nino is unfortunately a character that can’t exist on his own. In S1, he exists if Adrien exists. In S2, he exists if Alya exists. The Carapace episode? It’s not even about him. He has to prove himself to Alya’s older sister, Nora, who is not convinced he can protect Alya. In Alya’s episode, we see how Alya interacts with her younger twin sisters, Ella and Etta. In Chloe’s episodes, we see how she interact with her parents.

In Nino’s episode, we don’t learn anything about him, his family or his backstory. If we are exploring the themes of protection, why not focus on Nino protecting his family or forced to fight them in order to protect them? Alya has to fight her sisters, Chloe has to fight her parents, Adrien has to fight his father, Marinette has to fight her grandmother, so why is Nino not fighting anyone close to him?

I love the episode Anansi. I love that Nino loves Alya that he’s willing to risk his safety in order to save her, despite being tossed around and having a one-on-one fight with Anansi. Even when Ladybug tells him to stay out of danger, he still runs after Alya.

However, we have a pattern that episodes focusing on the new holders involves their family so if this is the one chance for us to be introduced to Nino’s family, grab the chance! It’s always possible to see Nino’s parents without focusing on Nino, similar to how we are introduced to Alya’s parents without her as the focus, but do I dare hope when the writers don’t seem to care about Nino?

///

Anyway, let’s talk about Adrien and Nino’s friendship.

Remember the scene in Malediktator where the school celebrates Chloe leaving Paris? Who leads the party because he’s the DJ? Nino Lahiffe.

When Adrien comes in and sees the school celebrating, the only person he calls out is Marinette since she happens to be nearby. He should have seen Nino up there on the stage and call him out as well. How dare his best friend celebrates his childhood best friend leaving Paris? That’s wrong!

In Nino’s defense if he’s actually confronted by Adrien, Chloe may be Adrien’s friend but she is nobody’s friend at school. Not because she’s not capable of making friends, but because she considers everyone to be beneath her since she’s the Mayor’s daughter.

Also, she calls them losers when she stops by at the school. I thought Adrien should know that before he goes around telling people what’s right or wrong.

This is an excellent opportunity for conflict to happen because Adrien has to consider if risking his friendship with Nino is worth it if he remains on Chloe’s side. He admits that her behaviour isn’t positive and she’s likely won’t change for the better, but him being okay with it doesn’t mean everyone’s okay with it.

Adrien doesn’t get threatened by Chloe, but everyone else does.

There’s a scene in Origins where Adrien asks, ‘Why does everyone keep telling me this?‘, after Marinette asks if he’s friends with Chloe. Previously, Nino also asks if he’s one of Chloe’s friends.

I wish the show has a scene where Adrien asks Nino why people are cautious of him just because Chloe is his friend. The latter can explain that Chloe has been misusing her father’s influence to get what she wants throughout collège, so if one of her rich and influential friends attending the same school as her, won’t the likelihood of this friend behaving exactly like her is high?

Adrien can dispute these claims by explaining to Nino about his struggles. “My father says I can ask him for anything, but when I ask to go to school and make new friends, he says no. I have to sneak out of the house twice just to get here. I don’t blame you for thinking I behave like Chloe since Chloe is... like that, but some of us still have to struggle for what we want. Father always decide what’s best for me but for the first time in my life, I want to make my own decisions.”

I don’t expect Adrien to go into the deep aspects of his life (his mother going missing, his father’s behaviour changing, etc), but I wish he’s honest with his thoughts instead of think everything is a-okay. It can be tough to share one’s thoughts when one’s been raised to suppress one’s feelings because Gabriel has no qualms saying his son is oversensitive, but we all start somewhere.

///

One of the things that bothers me about Adrien is his lack of struggles when making friends. One can argue, ‘Well, he’s a popular model and everyone knows him since his face is plastered all over Paris, from newspapers, to billboards to a freaking blimp!‘ but is that the friendship he wants?

If Adrien isn’t rich, isn’t influential, isn’t popular, isn’t a model, isn’t skillful -- do people still want to be friends with him? Chloe’s interested in him because he’s rich and popular, Lila’s interested in him because he’s handsome and popular, Kagami won’t even know him if he’s not the best fencer of the school, and Wayhem? He’s a fanboy who goes all out, even with matching clothes.

Adrien doesn’t have a story to call his own. Everyone sees him as Adrien the son of Gabriel Agreste, the famous fashion designer, or Adrien the popular model slash teenage heartthrob. When does he get to be just Adrien?

(If anyone reply saying ‘This is why Adrien likes to become Chat Noir since he gets to be his true self!’, I’m sorry, but get that argument far away from me.)

ADRIEN + MARINETTE

I am pleasantly surprised in Origins when Marinette has no idea who Adrien is (despite Gabriel being her favourite designer; Adrien is the brand’s face) and calls him out after seeing him do suspicious stuffs. Nino is not interested with Adrien when he sees him with Chloe, but Marinette doesn’t even know he’s friends with Chloe until she mock laughs at her.

If Adrien is a stranger caught in a misunderstanding, he can explain himself and Marinette will understand. However, realizing that Adrien’s friends with Chloe, it makes sense if she assumes the worst of his character.

“But she doesn’t even know him!“

Just like Nino who refuses to shake Adrien’s hand when the latter introduces himself, Marinette also refuses to listen to Adrien’s explanation because their first impression of Adrien is influenced by their thoughts of Chloe.

Adrien is rich, like Chloe. Adrien is the son of someone influential, like Chloe. Adrien is friends with Chloe. If Chloe is like that, Adrien must also be like that.

There’s multiple ways for things to happen in the Umbrella Scene.

1) Adrien goes to Marinette to explain that Chloe is responsible for the gum. He apologizes, but doesn’t explain his circumstances. Marinette still assumes he’s like Chloe but at least has the guts to apologize to her.

2) Adrien goes to Marinette to scold her for accusing him without a proof. He states that it’s Chloe's fault, not his. Then, he nags about how he’s trying to help remove the gum from her seat and this is the thanks that he gets from Marinette? Obviously they never speak anymore after that.

3) Adrien is afraid to approach Marinette so he doesn’t take the chance to clear up the misunderstanding and days passed. Both of them continue to assume the wrong things about each other since they don’t make the effort to talk.

Fortunately, Adrien listens to Nino’s advice and tells Marinette the truth. Adrien explains about the gum incident, shares his feelings on his inexperience since everything is new to him and offers his umbrella so she can get home safe.

///

While I appreciate the symbolic meaning of Origins being the S1 season finale, there are times I wish Origins have been the beginning because I like Marinette and Adrien’s dynamics.

My issue with the current dynamic? The narrative plays a lot into ‘the girl with the intense crush and the guy who is a popular model’ trope. It’s a common trope in romance. However, the narrative portrays Marinette’s crush towards Adrien as a negative thing. I have seen arguments against Marinette saying that she’s obsessive, borderline creepy and places Adrien on a pedestal.

The narrative wants us to believe Marinette falls in love with Adrien for his kindness, but why do we see her portrayed to be more in love with his face?

If Marinette (and everyone else) sees Adrien as perfect, it is because that is what the narrative wants her (and everyone else) to see. The narrative doesn’t give Adrien the chance to screw up (and even if he did, it’s never addressed) so how is it even possible for Marinette to see the imperfect side of Adrien?

So, let’s consider:

Marinette has low self-esteem and low self-confidence, possibly with little to no friends due to years of Chloe’s bullying, until Alya, her new friend, intervenes on her behalf and encourages her to stand up for herself.

Adrien leads a sheltered life; never attending school, no friends to call his own, his life's a schedule. Nino, his new friend, encourages him to talk to Marinette and suggests addressing the gum incident as a conversation starter.

Marinette and Adrien start off as strangers who end up in a misunderstanding, thankfully resolved through honesty and kindness. Despite being each other’s new friend, neither have much experience with close friendships. However, with their friends’ encouragement, they make the effort to interact with each other.

Marinette may feel awkward to interact with Adrien, remembering her reaction with the gum incident. ‘Alya, he apologizes to me, but I didn’t! What will he think of me if I don’t apologize? I’m also at fault.’ Alya, even Nino as well, reassures her that Adrien doesn’t think ill of her and it’s okay if she wants to talk to him.

Adrien also hesitates to talk to Marinette out of fear of offending her just like the gum incident. ‘What if I say something wrong and she snaps at me? I’m not saying she will do that because she’s a nice person, but what if I am extremely bad at talking? It’s not like I talk to people all the time.’ Nino reminds him that if he can talk to Marinette about the gum, he can talk to her about other things.

Alya and Nino forge an alliance after realizing their friends need dire help. As Alya is also a new student to the school, she has a lot of conversation starters. When she talks to Nino, she includes Marinette and Adrien, often asking for their thoughts and help them converse with each other.

It’s a slow start, but as it steadily grows, eventually the results make its presence known.

In developing Adrien and Marinette’s relationship, we also see the development of Adrien and Nino’s, as well as Marinette and Alya’s friendships (plus Adrien + Alya and Marinette + Nino, you get the idea).

After all, the four of them are not long time friends. Alya and Adrien are the new kids, Nino and Marinette are the existing kids who may have known of each other but not close.

In other words, it’s not just Adrien and Marinette who have to get to know each other. Nino and Alya also have their work cut out for them.

ADRIEN + CHLOE

In S1, Adrien and Chloe are childhood friends but they are not close. Adrien even show visible discomfort when Chloe invades his personal space. During Origins, Adrien tells Nino that Chloe is his only friend but later tells Marinette that he has no friends.

In S2, Adrien and Chloe’s relationship is retconned into childhood best friends who are close. However, Chloe tells her mother that Sabrina is her only friend, but to Ladybug that nobody is her friend.

The narrative wants us to believe they are friends but makes no effort to show them interacting despite having the chance to do so in the first place.

In Queen Wasp, Chat Noir says he understands the reasons behind Chloe’s actions. He knows it’s difficult to impress one’s parents, since he also has a tough time impressing his father. But, is it worth endangering others’ lives?

He could have said, ‘I understand you did it to impress your mother, but what you did was dangerous. Superheroes are supposed to protect the people of Paris, not create a situation and endanger them in the process.’

‘You are not a bad person, Chloe. You can change for the better. Besides, you did help us fight against the Papillon’s akumas before. It means you have what it takes to become a superhero, but it has to come from a genuine place.‘

Chloe may not know that Chat Noir is Adrien, but the latter knows Chloe. While Chloe tends to listen to Ladybug and dismisses Chat Noir, if the latter says that he believes in her potential, she will feel appreciated since now another person believes in her.

However, change takes time. I don’t expect Chloe to do a 180 ° turn and instantly becomes a better person. Mistakes are still bound to happen.

In Malediktator, why didn’t Chloe personally tell Adrien that she’s leaving? Why did it take Adrien coming back after lunch to discover that she’s gone and the school is celebrating her leaving? While he doesn’t agree with the way they are celebrating, he understands why they are keen to celebrate. However, instead of scolding Marinette, Adrien should have reached out for Chloe.

‘Chloe, you’re leaving for New York and didn’t bother telling me? Do you not consider me as a friend any more? Remember when I was grounded by my father for losing his book? I personally messaged you about that. I could have informed the school and Ms Bustier could have told everyone that I couldn’t go back to school, but I personally told you so you don’t have to worry about my whereabouts. I don’t understand why you didn’t do the same for me.‘

They go back and forth, with Chloe complaining that everyone hates her and she’s better off without them, while Adrien tells her that she still have friends and they don’t want her to leave.

‘I’m your friend! Sabrina is also your friend! We don’t hate you! Are you saying that you are okay leaving your friends behind without telling them? We are not objects that can be discarded as you please.’

While I understand why Ladybug talks to Chloe so she can give her the Bee Miraculous, I feel it’s more significant if Adrien talks to Chloe about what happened with their classmates and the state of their friendship.

Later, Chat Noir can suggest to Ladybug that they need Chloe’s help if they want to defeat akumatized Andre. Chloe doesn’t understand why Chat Noir vouch for her but Ladybug tells her since Andre is akumatized because of Chloe, she can do the right thing by helping them to defeat him.

Thus, when we see Chat Noir give Chloe the Bee Miraculous in Catalyst, it won’t feel odd to see they casually talk to one another. 

In this essay, I only focused on Adrien’s interactions with his friends since his is clearly lacking the most despite being one of the main protagonists. However, there are other interactions the show could have explored.

Reverser is a good example where the plot is focused on Marc and Nathaniel, not Marinette. We still see Marinette play a role in helping Marc, but we also see Alix help Nathaniel by becoming his listening ear. After snapping and ripping off Marc’s book, Nathaniel could have just stormed off, believing his actions were correct. However, he went to Alix for advice. Alix, as his friend, could have blindly agree with Nathaniel, but she offers a different perspective to explain Marc and Marinette’s intentions. Later, they assisted Ladybug and Chat Noir in defeating Reverser. After reconciling with each other, Marc and Nathaniel create a comic book and dedicate the first issue to Marinette.

The show is capable of featuring stories about the kids interacting with other kids so I hope we get to see more of them in the future. Personally, I rather see the kids interact with each other instead of being slapped in the face with angst.

#zue's metas #consider this the last time i write a long essay #it took me 11 days #i have more to write but my head wants to kill me already #yes this is the friendship essay