#it hasnt been this long in a minute so i dont think theyve had long hair. o well they do now

[quodekash]

im back.

hell yeah flute man

pls my dads are so sweet, i cant deal

IVE CONTINUED FOR THREE MINUTES AND IM ALREADY ABOUT TO CRY AGAIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

THE WAY THE BLANKET IS RUFFLED AT HIS NECK MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE A GRANNY OR SMTH I CANT STOP LAUGHING

IM CRYING

IM LAUGHING SO HARD IM CRYING

DID THEY REALLY JUST

OMG

IS HE STUMBLING BECAUSE THE GROUND THEY SLEPT ON IS HARD OR IS HE STUMBLING BECAUSE THEY GOT HARD

i guess what im trying to say is DID THEY REALLY JUST FU

YOU GUMNUTS YOU LOST THE KID

OF COURSE YOU FREAKING LOST THE KID

THE ONE TIME I GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO A CHILD, IT GETS LOST

THIS HAPPENED WITH JIGSAW AS WELL

what is it with our skyy 2 and introducing me to small children that i get emotionally attached to anD THEN RIPPING THEM AWAY FROM ME

he'll be fine tho, im sure of it. he knows what hes doing. and even if he doesnt, he's got two dads and two uncles to look after him, theyll find him and rescue him in the most overly dramatic way possible

my bet tho: he's just gone back to the village and he's completely safe and yod's trying to radio them to let them know hes safe but their radio isnt working, so he's gonna go into the forest to look for them while the four dudes wander around the forest to find the kid, and then theyll all run into each other and be like "welp we panicked for nothing" and then go back to the village and then theyll kiss their boyfriends and longtae will appear with his 184cm tall boyfriend and theyll all party and celebrate

(that last part is a mere wish, i know my boy doesnt show up at all and im sad about it)

OHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

its totally fine then, theyll find him and he'll be safe and sound

oh look at that, they did a custody switch

i think the real thing we should be saying here is: it's already evening and your legs are STILL hurting?

YOU GUMNUTS, DONT GO LOOKING AS WELL

THEYRE GONNA FIND THE KID AND COME BACK AND FIND YOU GUYS MISSING

AND THE CYCLE WILL NEVER END

HOLY FREAKING HELL YOU IDIOTS

bro is just chilling

i love this kid so much

he's saying this terrifying thing about how a wild animal nearly killed him so he climbed a tree and got stuck in it all night, and he's just so chill about it

i just love him so much

well how the hell are you gonna communicate that with your boyfriends

REMINDER: PRAN AND TIAN HAVE NOW SPENT THREE DAYS IN THIS FOREST

WHAT THE HELL ARE THE VILLAGERS THINKING??

THEY DONT HAVE THEIR HEAD CHIEF FOREST GUY BECAUSE HES BEEN IN THIS FOREST FOR TWO DAYS

also: surely patpran are getting close to their one week quota, right? they had one week to get the thing signed, ive forgotten how long they were already there for, but theyve been in a forest for three days so like idk man

YOU GUMNUTS

SURELY YOU KNOW YOUR BOYFRIENDS WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW THEYRE IDIOTS WHO WILL TRY TO COME FIND YOU WHEN YOU DONT COME BACK

they all probably smell. theyve been wearing those clothes for days in a forest

and pat probably still thinks he can find pran based on his scent, bless his silly idiotic heart

TIAN HASNT HAD HIS FREAKING HEART MEDICATION IN FREAKING DAYS

THE MAN'S GONNA DIE

P'AUUUUU

LMAOOOOOO CALLED OUTTTT

omg bonding

"why do i feel like you're just insecure and not sure if you're good enough to tell anyone that story?" awh

"you know nothing" "why wouldnt i know? i know how it feels to be insecure, unsure if im good enough" wait hang on

NO

HONEYBUN

NO WAY

HONEY YOU'VE BOTH MADE SO MANY SACRIFICES FOR EACH OTHER TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE TODAY

i wanna hug him so bad

FREAKING FINALLY

MAN NEEDS HIS MEDICATION

ID RATHER MY DAD DIDNT DIE TODAY

GJWEKBRSVD

THATS IT

IM DONE

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

IM NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY OKAY RIGHT NOW

ITS THE WATCH

i know he has it just because pran dropped it in the forest and pat picked it up, but its still the same watch that pat picked up for pran when they were children, all those freaking years ago

i just think its a lovely parallel

i love them so much

hsdshgjsdhjgsd

SEE?? you help each other out, you both sacrifice for one another, YOU ARE IN LOVE AND YOU MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT BUT YOU'RE THE DAMN BEST AND GVERYJDHFGB

BITCHES BE CRYING RN

ITS ME

IM BITCHES

SOBBING MY EYES OUT

COMFORTING DAD PATS (pats like the action of patting, not multiple of the character whose shoulder is being patted. words are hard)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

HSDFHSDFHSDHG

THEY MEAN PROBABLY TOO MUCH TO ME

ALSO PRAN DEFINITELY SMELLS WORSE THAN PAT FOR ONCE, HE HASNT SHOWERED IN DAYS

ANYWAY, HUGS

I LOVE HUGS SO MUCH

SAME

HE IS ME

I LOVE YOD SO MUCH

shoot i ran out of images

just fyi: it took over two hours for me to get from halfway through 2/4 to halfway through 4/4. and i still have a whole episode left go to. this may take like a week to finish

#quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep #our skyy 2 #our skyy 2 x bad buddy #atots #a tale of thousand stars #a tale of thousand stars series #bad buddy #bad buddy our skyy 2 #bad buddy the series #bad buddy series #patpran #phutian #phupatian #our skyy 2 x atots #ohmnanon #earthmix #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #mix sahaphap #earth pirapat

[cbennetti]

[girls] who say hiiii

#art #furry #fursona #cowe #ocs #sketch #colour #um new hair #it hasnt been this long in a minute so i dont think theyve had long hair. o well they do now

[bearyberriez]

Earl grey and chess choco please i am deprived of content-

actually got two asks for earl!!! so yesyes ill drop my hcs,, also BTW i have a lot for him so :] prepare earl grey: -literally cannot stand things being messy,, just. the sight of a mess? discomfort but he will clean it anyways -would literally fuckn die for the twins,, he cares them so much -that being said, he’d play the parental role toward the twins! some would say D.E. does this but eh. kinda think she’s too busy to take care of a bunch of kids. (i also have an au where D.E. isnt involved but i wont delve much into that here -- for simplicity’s sake, he’s their primary caretaker)  -earl loves listening to the twins talk about their interests,, and also enjoys talking to them abt em too!! -is literally the world’s biggest perfectionist. this is probably just canon at this point but idc its important -OK ONTO SOMETHING NOT ABOUT THE HOTEL-- he’s friends with roguefort!! they are literally just friends,,, (though this could be a longtime friendship imo) -feels VERY embarrassed or upset upon making a mistake. he doesnt like messing up or feeling LIKE he messed up -speaking of mistakes,,,,, the cup that went with crying saucer? still hasnt fully gotten over that one. that damn saucer following him around doesnt make him feel any better abt it either  -on a happier note, he’d help arrange events for the twins!! (such as sleepovers, parties, etc.) loves seeing them happy so he’s more than willing to do that kind of thing for them. ___ chess choco twins: - pawn white is the more extroverted one for sure, they are very playful and love to talk -pawn black on the other hand is more introverted, doesnt like having a ton of attention on themself usually  -pawn white has fewer manners, but in a lovable way (not in a way that makes them awful to be around)  -pawn black has more manners, and is rather polite in comparison -they had trouble getting used to earl when he first took them in, solely because. well they'd never been raised by someone like him before (which hurt earl knowing they didnt get the best care before then, but he's glad he can do what he can for them now) -pawn black's body language can help tell how they're feeling if they arent expressing it via words -pawn white and pawn black usually dont get into fights, but when they do, they don't last long -earl is usually there to break the fights before chaos truly starts -both are pretty vocal about their needs. are they too tired to walk? they'll both let you know. are they hungry and want some mcdonalds? they will both let you know. yea, despite being complete opposites, they work together. -around strangers, the twins act p differently. pawn black usually just stares until they can get a first impression, but pawn white likes to make their own first impression asap. -if one has a bad dream, both are waking up because of it. -they dont like sharing everything, and tend to enjoy having their own things along with their shared belongings -pawn black is the older one of the two (by a few minutes) and pawn white is younger -(as i mentioned in the strawberry crepe hcs) theyve probably played games with strawberry crepe before!!  -also similar to strawberry crepe -- they dont take losing games well. both are. sore losers :[ they tend to throw a fit when they dont get what they want -arent entirely close to D.E.? they dont see her as a mother or anything -- more like a distant grandmother. they do still hold a lot of care for her though as she DID save their lives. 

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #earl grey cookie #chess choco cookie #berri speaks #berri responds

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver! #oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

[bittysvalentines]

If Pies Could Talk

Happy Valentine’s Day, @BajillionKittens!  I think I hit all of your requests, so I hope you enjoy the fic!  Thanks to Georgia and Silvia for organizing everything again this year! 

Love from @aflailureandamasterpiece aka Julibean19 

If Pies Could Talk (also on AO3)

Summary: Jack wants to ask Bitty something but he can’t find the words. If pies could talk, they’d call him a lovable failboat.

Zimbits, Explicit, POV Jack, Bottom!Jack, Communication Failure, Baking Jack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Special Appearances by Dex and Señor Bun

“Bits?” Jack asks, gently pushing unruly blond curls off Eric’s forehead.  “Time to get up.”

A soft, negative noise meets Jack’s ears as Bitty groans and rolls over, showing Jack his back.  

“I know it’s early, bud,” Jack says, lifting his comforter back and sliding into bed behind his boyfriend.  “But it’s not checking practice early… it’s 9 a.m.”

“It’s Saturday,” Bitty protests, pulling Jack’s arm around his waist and shuffling backward into his chest.  “It’s the day of rest. We’re resting.”

“Isn’t the day of rest Sunday?”

“Do not chirp me,” Bitty mumbles, barely turning his head toward Jack, eyes still closed.  “It’s five a.m.”

“It’s nine.”

“Do you want to argue or do you want to cuddle?”

Jack smiles, leaning in to press the tip of his nose to Bitty’s hairline and taking a deep breath.  Exhaling, he kisses the side of Eric’s throat, delighting in the happy murmur and wriggle of appreciation it gets him.  “I want to cuddle,” Jack whispers, still smiling.

He set an alarm on his phone anyway.  They have time. Settling back into his pillow, Jack pulls Bitty tight to his body and lets his eyes fall closed.

When his timer goes off forty minutes later, it feels like it’s only been a few seconds.  Jack groans and reaches for his phone, eager to stop the pop music that’s blaring from the speakers.  “Did you change my ringer to Beyoncé?” he asks, opening one bleary eye to silence the alarm.

“It’s Nicki Minaj, you heathen,” Bitty mutters, rolling over to face him.  

“It’s terrible,” Jack insists, dropping his phone back onto the nightstand as Bitty’s fingers slip under the hem of his tee.  “Crisse, your hands are cold.”

“Feel like warming me up?” Eric asks, apparently much more awake than Jack is.  

“Just come here,” Jack says, sliding one arm under Bitty’s neck and pulling them flush together.  He hooks his chin over Eric’s shoulder and curls around him, rubbing soothing circles against his lower back.

“This is nice,” Bitty says, sighing contentedly, letting himself sink into Jack’s body.  “We should do this every morning.”

“If we did this every morning we’d never make it to Faber.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Bitty says, breath hot against the side of Jack’s throat.

“Coach Hall might have something to say about it.”

“Well,” Bitty says, nipping Jack’s skin, “he’s not here right now.”

“That would be awkward.”

“I’m trying to set a mood here, Mister Zimmermann.  Work with me.”

“Oh,” Jack says, feeling his face heat.  He had been enjoying their morning snuggles so much he hadn’t noticed the hardness growing against his hip.  

“Yeah,” Bitty says, breathy and low.  “Oh.”

Before Jack has a chance to respond, Eric is rolling on top of him, straddling his thighs.  He looks up to see the sunlight bouncing off Bitty’s hair, giving him an ethereal glow. The effect is gorgeous and has Jack flicking his eyes to his phone and considering pulling up his camera app.

“I want you,” Eric says simply, biting down on his lower lip.

Smiling, Jack crooks his finger at him until he drops down low enough to kiss.

The moment Eric’s lips meet his, Jack melts, sinking deep into his pillows.  He runs his palms under Bitty’s sleep-worn shirt and splays them across his back possessively, moaning into his mouth.

Eric hasn’t brushed his teeth, but Jack did just before waking him, so it’s easy to ignore in favor of sucking on his tongue.  It’s hot, but slow—a deep kiss that Jack can take his time with. He pulls Eric in even closer and sucks on his bottom lip until Bitty is whining into his mouth.

Eager to find what other desperate sounds he can pull from Bitty, Jack reaches up to cup the back of his head before rolling them over and settling his hips between Eric’s thighs.

“Lord, I love when you do that,” Eric breathes, eyes fluttering shut as Jack slides his hands up his stomach, taking his shirt with them.  

“I love when you wear my clothes to bed,” Jack says, pulling the old Habs tee over Eric’s head.

“If we could turn up the heat once in a blue moon maybe I’d sleep naked.”

“I’ll consider it,” Jack breathes against Bitty’s exposed stomach.  He nudges one of Bitty’s nipples with his nose before wrapping his lips around it.  It might be nice to sleep wrapped around a naked Bitty, but Jack also likes what they have—a warm cocoon of bedding and threadbare pajamas—a twin bed just barely big enough for two.

“Fuck, Jack,” Bitty whines, arching into his mouth.  

Jack switches to the other side and sucks until Bitty’s hands fly up to twine into his hair, not pulling, but tensing every time a shiver runs through his body.  Letting out a satisfied huff of breath, Jack pulls off and follows his hands down to Bitty’s waist, licking and biting a line down his stomach on the way.

“Will you blow me?” Eric asks, trailing his fingers along the curve of Jack’s jaw.  “Your mouth is so hot and wet. God, it feels so good,” he says as Jack nibbles along the waistband of his borrowed flannel bottoms.  

Jack sighs.  

If only he found it just as easy to ask for what he wanted.  It’s not that he dislikes doing this for Bitty—quite the contrary—but there’s something else he’s been dying to try.  He just hasn’t been able to get the words out yet.

Hooking his thumbs into the elastic, Jack pulls Bitty’s pants down, lifting them up and over his erection and then down to mid-thigh.  He leans back for a moment just to look his fill.

Eric’s thighs are trapped together by the elastic, but otherwise he’s exposed, golden skin on display for Jack to admire.  His forearms look pale in comparison, and Jack marvels at the soft hair that sits below Eric’s navel, leading to his cock.

“God, I want you to fuck me,” Bitty sighs, looking down at him with his lower lip caught between his teeth.  

“Later,” Jack says, leaning down to get his lips around the head and lick at the bead of fluid at the tip.  The salt hits Jack’s tongue and he can’t stop the groan that builds in his chest at the taste.

Eric squirms below him, so Jack drapes his forearm across Bitty’s stomach and presses him back into the mattress.  He sinks down lower, taking more of Eric into his mouth before licking back up.

Bitty breathes hard above him, already panting before Jack even really gets started.  They’ve been doing this for a few months now, but every time with Eric feels like the first time—eager and a little sloppy, but also brilliant and intense and all-consuming.

He takes Bitty deep, relaxing around the stretch in his throat when Eric jerks under him, sitting up so abruptly Jack chokes before he has a chance to pull off.  

“Sorry, sorry!  God, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Bitty says, thumb rubbing across Jack’s wet lips.  “It’s just… do you smell something burning?”

“Tabarnak!” Jack curses, dropping his head to Bitty’s bare thigh in defeat.  He groans, high and pained as he shakes his head back and forth. “I’ll go check.”  Pulling away, Jack rises to his feet and slowly marches downstairs, furious with himself.

By the time he reaches the kitchen, Dex is pulling the charred remnants of a pie out of the oven and Bitty is hot on his heels, redressed in his pajamas.

“I’m so sorry Bitty,” Dex sighs, placing the burnt wreck on the stovetop with Bitty’s cherry print oven mitts.  “I thought I’d gotten the temperature to stay even this time, but it must be on the fritz again.”

Jack rubs his fingers over his temples as Dex retrieves his toolbox from the hall and pulls out what he thinks he’ll need.  “I’m really sorry about your pie, Bitty. Once I get it working again I’ll take you to Murder Stop & Shop for some more butter, okay?”

“That—” Bitty stops short, peering over at the blackened crust.  “That wasn’t my pie. The lattice looks nice though. Which one of y’all found my vlog?” he says, voice raised to call through the Haus this time.  “If I find the link on Twitter, I swear to Beyoncé I will end you.”

“It’s not—” Jack hesitates, hand clasped warily over his eyes.  “I made it,” he finishes, voice so low he can barely hear it over the pounding of his own heart.

“You… you made this?  Jack, honey,” he says, fingers catching Jack by the wrist and pulling until he stops covering his face.  “Did you make this pie for me?”

Jack nods, unable to find any words to explain further.

“Dex,” Bitty says, fingers now intertwined with Jack’s, “Thank you so much for tryin’, but I don’t think Betsy’s broken.”

“Are you sure?  Because the temperature has been all over the place and—”

“I distracted Jack.  He made that pie for me, but I burnt it.  Betsy’s working just fine. Isn’t that right, sugar?”

Jack nods, looking up just in time to see Dex’s face flush under his freckles.

“We’ll clean this up later,” Bitty says to Dex, reaching out to shut the oven off before pulling Jack by the hand all the way back upstairs to his room.

When they’re finally alone, Jack collapses against the back of the door, his entire body shaking slightly.

“Do you want to tell me what all that was about?” Eric asks him, hands on his hips.

Jack opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.  

“Honey, what’s wrong?”  In just a few steps, Eric is directly in front of him, cupping his cheeks and tilting his face up.  “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Jack steels himself.  “I was trying to—”

He can’t do it.  It’s not happening.  This was all a stupid idea and now Bitty’s looking at him, wide brown eyes soft and expectant and Jack can’t say it.  He can’t say anything at all.

“Trying to what, sweetpea?”

A long minute passes before Jack can bear to open his mouth again.  “I wanted to ask—”

“Jack,” Bitty says, breath catching slightly on his name, “please tell me that was not a proposal pie—because as much as I love you, I am nineteen years old.  That would just be too much for us right now.”

“No,” Jack says, clearing his throat.  “No. I wasn’t trying to propose.”

“Jesus Christ on a cracker, you had me worried.”

“Not that I wouldn’t—”

“We will have that conversation later, mister.  Much later,” he says firmly, but with a sweet smile that speaks to their bright future together.  

“Okay,” Jack agrees readily, taking a deep breath.  They really are getting ahead of themselves.

“What’s this all about then?”

Jack sighs, resigning himself to embarrassment.  “You know sometimes words are hard for me.”

Bitty nods, tangling their fingers together again.

“I thought maybe if I made you something… you would… ”

“Be able to read your mind?” Bitty says, with a fond laugh.  “I love that you tried to bake for me, honey, I do. But even the perfect raspberry pie isn’t going to be able to tell me whatever it is you want me to know.”

“It sounds so stupid when you say it like that.”

“It’s not stupid.  It’s actually kind of adorable, but I’d rather you were comfortable enough to just tell me what you’re feeling.  How can I make this easier for you?”

“I don’t think you can,” Jack says, voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay,” Bitty says, pulling Jack’s hand again until he stands.  “I have an idea.” He locks his door and flicks the lights off before leading Jack over to his bed and pulling the curtains shut.  

Jack gets in as soon as Eric yanks the covers back and relaxes into the mattress only after Bitty is curled around his back, tucking the duvet around them tight.

“Sometimes the hard things… they’re easier to say in the dark,” Eric tells him, breath hot and comforting against the back of his neck.  “So we’re just going to lie here for a while and if you feel like you’re ready, you can tell me. I promise I won’t laugh or be upset or anything.”

“I don’t—I didn’t think you would laugh.  I’m just nervous,” Jack tells the darkness.  Light still peeks through around the curtains, but he closes his eyes and pretends it’s midnight, that they’re alone in the Haus, that his words will never see the light of day—will never leave this room.

“Here,” Bitty says, reaching behind him and returning with Señor Bun.  He presses the doll into Jack’s hand before pulling the duvet up around their shoulders again.  “He’ll make you brave.”

“Now I feel weird,” Jack says, huffing out a laugh.  “I can’t talk about sex with him looking at me.”

“So this is about sex, huh?” Bitty asks, taking Señor Bun out of Jack’s hands and setting him on the window sill facing away from them.  “What Bun doesn’t see can’t hurt him.”

“He’s seen a lot already,” Jack points out.

“Well, if things are about to get kinky, I’d rather keep him in the dark.  Whatever it is you want, I’m sure we could work something out. So why don’t you just tell me?  I promise to keep an open mind.”

“It’s nothing kinky,” Jack says quietly.  “I don’t think it is, at least.”

“Then what has you so nervous?”

“I don’t know.  It just—Parse didn’t—” Jack can’t finish the thought.

“It’s something you feel like you shouldn’t want?  Because Kent didn’t?”

“I guess?”

“Honey,” Eric breathes, snaking a hand under the hem of Jack’s shirt and resting his palm against Jack’s bare chest.  “Whatever it is. I won’t judge you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I want…” Jack takes a deep breath just as Bitty presses his hand tight against his heart, pushing them together.  The pressure is comforting, grounding. Jack takes strength from it and finally finds his courage. “I want—I need you to make love to me.  I need you to fuck me.”

Bitty sucks in a surprised breath and then lets it out slowly, the air ruffling the back of Jack’s hair, making his skin pebble.  He leans in until his lips are just grazing the shell of Jack’s ear and asks, “That’s what you want?”

“Yes,” Jack says, a tingle shooting down his spine.  Heat spreads through his body as Eric hitches his hips even tighter to Jack’s ass, betraying his arousal.  

“All you had to do was ask, sugar,” Eric says, voice pitched low.  “I’d be a fool to not want to make love to you. And I am many things, but I’m no fool.”

“Please,” Jack whimpers, all shame gone.  The tone of Eric’s voice coupled with the insistent press of his erection has Jack hard and leaking already.  When Eric’s teeth come down around the tendon in his throat, he whines, unabashed. It sounds pitiful, but he doesn’t even try to muffle it.  He wants Eric to know how badly he needs this.

It’s a matter of seconds before they’re naked, clothes flung to far corners of the room, duvet lost on the floor.  Jack wouldn’t be surprised if his Habs tee was ripped at the collar considering how forcefully he yanked it off Bitty’s body.

Bitty preps him quickly, the both of them too keyed up to take their time.  As Eric slides a condom over himself, Jack feels an ache deep in his body, a ravenous, empty pain that has him hitching his knees up to his ears.  

Biting down on his lip, Eric slowly pushes into him.  He takes several measured breaths and then begins to move, absolute filth spilling out of his mouth.  In a matter of seconds, Eric is tensing above him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re so fucking perfect, baby,” is the last thing Jack hears before Bitty buries himself deep, coming in rhythmic pulses inside him.

It’s over before Jack feels fully satisfied, but that just makes his hunger pangs more pronounced.  He ignores them knowing Bitty will be ready again soon enough—that he always has more stamina the second time around.  Jack is already the first to know what Bitty feels like when he orgasms—the first to hold Eric inside his body. He shouldn’t be greedy, as much as his body begs to differ.

As fingers quickly take the place of Eric’s softening cock, Jack thrusts down hard remembering all the ways Bitty has explored his body—has touched every inch of him.  Eric knows him now… knows everything.

He comes with three fingers spreading him wide and Eric’s name on his lips.  

Neither of them touch his cock.

It’s messy and overwhelming and everything a first time should be.  

Jack can’t wait to do it again.  

“Thank God you burnt that pie,” Bitty says, breathless, as he flops onto his back next to Jack.

“Why?”

“If you came at me with a perfect raspberry pie right now after what we just did I’d think I was still dreaming.”

“Well, we’re out of raspberries now, but I could go to the store…”

“Jack Zimmermann.  What did I do to deserve you?”

“You taught me to make pie in the first place.  It was really all your fault,” Jack says, resting his head on Eric’s chest, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“I can’t believe you’re chirping me right now.  You’re the one that made me a ‘Please Fuck Me Pie!’”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know I was flirting with you that whole class.”

“I thought you were just really concerned about your GPA,” Bitty whines in embarrassment.

“Thank God we got an A,” Jack says, copying Eric’s turn of phrase.  “If we didn’t maybe we wouldn’t be dating right now.”

“You’re saying Betsy brought us together?”

“I’m saying I think we owe Dex a thank you gift.”

Thanks for reading!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

#bittyjack #fanfiction #bittysvalentines #bv2019 #omgcp #submission

[jadecringecomp]

jade is most definitely transmed and they refuse to even talk abt this because they know what they said and done is wrong.

jade has tried calling my friend out for being transmed and since ive come out abt these screenshots, theyve stopped calling him transmed and hasnt even talked abt the screenshots.

“[gideon] I dislike/hate most truscum and what most of them tend to believe, thought I personally do think some form/amount of dysphoria is needed even if it’s pretty much only social dysphoria or very minimal of any type of dysphoria.

[gideon] I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding the belief that dysphoria is necessary so long as you aren’t policing, harassing, misgendering, etc.

[jade] oh yeah that makes sense. i can kind of see both sides? idk yeah

[gideon] I think both sides actively involved in ‘the discourse’ are fucking nuts, just to be clear lol”

they had even agreed with his statement. so its kind of weird for jade to call my friend gideon transmed over smth... they agreed with. it only gets worse with them.

“[jade] basically lainey like. claims to be trans but constantly does shirtless pictures and like borderline nsfw stuff, flip flops on who gets to call her what pronouns

[jade] claims to be a boy but then like.. claims to be agender

[jade] but then says they ARENT agender and like...

[jade] but like. just because they dont want labels?

[jade] idk what were u gonna say abt tearzah

[me] ok i can see that other stuff as faking it but like. i dont see how you cant be trans if you post shirtless pics or whatever

[jade] oh i mean

[me] also idk?? what i was gonna say

[jade] thats more the fact that she claims to have dysphoria but then like. does this”

jade straight up policing how dysphoria should work for others. and no it doesnt end there. i mean its jade we’re talking abt here. theyre really weird abt dysphoria not only from this, but asking me this question out of nowhere.

“[bot] Disconnected.

[jade] yo rae im just wondering but do u have dysphoria

[me] sometimes yes

[jade] vawid”

which is.. such an odd question to ask out of nowhere.

“[jade] do they claim

[jade] to have dysphoria”

jade talking abt tearzah and asking if they ‘claim’ to have dysphoria. and only to top the cake...

“[jade] dysphoria my fat ass cmon (picture of tearzah and their gf shirtless)”

so theres a good chance jade is transmed and they probablyare with how badly they try to avoid talking abt these screenshots. i think that alone says a lot.

update 3/31/19:

its been brought to my attention jade is claiming i made this all up. but really how could i be making this up when i have these screenshots. especially this one of jade blatantly using the term “transtrender”.

“Anonymous asked: in the call outs it shows u doubting people’s dysphoria and posting their pics to say the must not? why do this if not tr//scum? im confused and i do not want to follow tr//scum ideology thank u for answer

laineys whole transtrender or like. honestly whatever u wanna call it idk thing is like. a big topic for anti onision shit (which i follow like? kinda loosely but not rlly) so like. if literally just explaining it makes me transmed and pointing out how lainey fucking sucks (she does and if you are literally going to defend onisions wife in my inbox i’ll vomit blood all over my keyboard) makes me transmed and pointing out the Same shit with TEARZAH (god Help Me i can’t believe my abuser is so fuckign,dfkjdshfkjs she’ll defend tearzah to lie and victimize herself)”

first of all, nobody is defending lainey. i merely pointed out jade polices how ppl should experience dysphoria. and neither is the anon, as theyre implying in this ask. they simply agree jade displays the same ideologies as transmeds do. and apparently me pointing out how they even policed how tearzah should experience dysphoria means im defending them and trying to victimize myself...? way to gaslight jade. especially when all i did was show it to show more proof jade is transmed.

after someone pointing the ask out to me, i make a post on my blog calling them out on it.

“like dont get me wrong i fucking hate tearzah but me just showing proof of you being a freak and policing how ppl should experience dysphoria……. isnt………………. me defending anyone. nor is it even me trying to victimize myself. like what. crack are you on. its just proof you have transmed ideology. like i. really dont know what else to tell you. you just exposed yourself even more by using “transtrender” btw. what transmed doesnt say that honestly.

so im gonna have to ask you again to pull your head out of your ass and act human for once.“

and only minutes later does jade rb that same ask, to say this and try and backpedal.

“LIKE my point wasnt to call lainey a transtrender bc its fucking stupid but like basically thts what the whole subject is abt?? but like then again. cant speak for everyone so”

and they make yet another post right after, practically digging their own grave.

“claiming dysphoria and then posting topless selfies is sus and contradictory so shoot me i guess

#look up body dysphoria perhaps”

i think we can all conclude at this point that jade is definitely transmed.

#hugttos #dickcruncher #sorry for those who have seen this already #i decided i would make a separate post on this blog jic i decide to move again or smth #transphobia

[gendertrader]

Physical Weight - 266 lb Height - 5′9″ Age - 24 25 mg Aldactone 1 month, 50 mg Aldactone 1 month

Because this is the first month that I’m ‘fully’ (due to reports suggesting that passing 100 mg may not be as effective as previously thought) on Aldactone, from here forward, I will report this as my first month.

Skin

Hair (body/head) [hairline, texture, thickness] I have noticed an increase in the amount of head hair that has fallen out over the past month.  This was not initially expected, but after some review of anecdotal reports, this is not uncommon.  Not enough has been lost to make it visible, but I will keep an eye out.

Face [hairline, cheekbones, facial hair, eyebrows, eyes, acne, skin] I have not noticed much change in facial structure as of yet, which is to be expected, but I’ve started wearing mascara more regularly and I’ve had an increase in acne, specifically around my chin, but it hasn’t been too bad.  I’m interested to see how this changes as I was not a particularly acne-ridden teenager. I have started trimming my beard a little differently to further act as contour, and its growth has started to have a more significant effect on my mental health.

Body [fat, taste, libido, hair, calves, nail growth, testes, temperature] I have seen little to no fat redistribution (unsurprising as it often takes up to 3 months of a full hormone regimen to start seeing real changes), but there may be a hint of gynecomastia from the aldactone.  I’m also learning to hold my body differently so as to accentuate the breast tissue, so any changes I’m seeing could self-influenced. I have noticed a clear increase in sugar, specifically chocolate, and salt cravings.  I have started incorporating a shake of iodized salt during meals to prep for this month, when I anticipate experiencing much stronger cravings.  I have seen mental health changes (please see mental health section for additional thoughts), which I imagine have contributed to the sugar cravings. Libido is...something.  I haven’t started fully experiencing the loss of libido caused by anti-androgens, but I seem to be getting it in waves that sort of follow my typical ‘horniness fluctuation’ if you will.  The primary difference is that everything is stronger: when I’m horny, I’m  h o r n y  but I can also go weeks at a time without masturbating and the sight of a hard dick does next to nothing for me.  I’m interested to see how this progresses. Despite taking a daily 10,000 mcg dose of biotin, I’ve seen a decrease in nail growth speed and a slight decrease in nail strength.  I used to be able to keep them rather long (good for painting, etc.) but they’ve been short for almost two weeks now (after I removed the pink fake nails pictured above) and little to no growth has occurred.  Finally, and I’m not sure that this is due to Aldactone, I’m having a more difficult time properly digesting food.  Part of me believes it’s due to my wearing high-waisted women’s jeans every day, which press on a part of my abdomen that isn’t usually compressed and could potentially disrupt flow of digestion through the stomach, but it occurs even when I’ve not worn those specific pants all day.  I suppose this warrants additional observation.

Mental/Emotional Brain Fog I’m creating a new category specifically to mention brain fog.  I have definitely seen an increase in what I must assume is the brain fog for which I see so many reports.  To me, it feels like when you’ve been high for a really long time and finally start coming down - almost as if there’s a layer of thought that has been suppressed and you have to focus just a little more than usual to process the things happening around you.  I imagine that, for somebody who has never been high, this could be rather disconcerting and difficult to navigate.  Fortunately, I’ve been smoking for about 2 years straight as this point, so I have very little trouble living with a little bit of brain fog for now.  I will make an update if I notice an increase in fog from 50 to 100 mg.

Depression There has been a slight but definite increase in depression symptoms.  It feels like it’s primarily due to the energy-sapping quality of Aldactone, and less like I’m extra sad all the time, but the sadness-depression has increased somewhat as well.  I imagine this is due to the fact that I’m no longer actively repressing my understanding of self as a transfeminine individual, so the masculine qualities that I dislike are starting to stand out more.  Some examples of these include my beard (I used to go 1-2 weeks without shaving as I am a depressed graduate student and don’t always have the time/energy to shave, but I’m now shaving around twice a week), my face (a couple times while really high and having removed my glasses, I’ve seen Alex as she can be with estrogen but it usually lasts for minutes at a time, so I’m then immediately reminded that I do not look like this - clearly the typical trans experience, but I didn’t think it would be this strong for me and it feels like it’s only the beginning, so I’m strapping up), or my internal experience of being alive (it /feels like/ I’m on testosterone, and sometimes that just gets the best of me; during those times, I have to remind myself that wanting to be a girl is a symptom of being a girl.  It’s then that it feels like I’m getting a taste of the true Trans Experience and I have to code switch into thinking how lucky am I to have so much room to grow which only helps a little but that’s more than nothing).  I had a few boy days recently, which were nice because everything matched up, but it was somewhere closer to 3 or 4 days out of the month so I’m less worried about my boy days interfering with my transition.  Finally, as I’ve stated before, even without the effect of the Aldactone, or the drain of coming out to everybody around me, or the strain of an actual social transition, it’s exhausting.  Because I choose every day to take this medication that continues to bring me one step closer to my ideal self, I also inevitably must at least briefly consider what I am doing and the changes I hope to see, which is much more introspection on this topic than I’ve wanted to do for a while.  I’m nervous that friends are going to find out before I’m ready (I’m in my final months of my master’s program so there’s no reason in my mind to attempt a social transition yet as I have other very difficult things to do already (I have a conference in which I present at the end of the month and I have to finish data collection and create a poster; I have to collect data for my thesis before analyzing said data and completing my master’s thesis before the April 22 (I think???) deadline so I can graduate on time; I have to find a job (lmao this is so difficult brb crying), which will include a million applications and half a million job interviews; I have to complete 2 additional manuscripts for publication (again, once data collection is completed); and I have to move to wherever I eventually get a job) and I don’t need a social transition piled on top because I’m already barely staying afloat as it is.

Anxiety There may have been a very slight increase in anxiety near the middle to end of the month, but I had also been on the same strain of weed for a while, so I wasn’t taken off guard at all.

#mine #updates #transition #trans #transgender #transfem #transfeminine #genderfluid #nonbinary #enby #fem-aligned nonbinary #fem-aligned enby #aldactone #spironolactone #hrt #diy hrt

[multiimuse]

🌀~

12. — stranger 

Radiant Garden, Naminé thinks, might truly end up becoming a home. She’s never had a home before; all she’s ever lived in were prisons. This castle, though --- shadows cling to it in places, in a few corners and rooms, but it feels like a home that’s being cleaned up and put to rights. Just like the lives of those that called it home before this world fell; none of them are perfect people, but they’ve all been so kind, and she thinks she likes staying here. Today, she’s sitting just outside of the castle, on a step that leads down to exposed pipeworks that might have led into one of the world’s namesake gardens back in better days.

Her sketchpad is in her lap, her pencil case beside her, and she’s drawing. Of late, her drawings have been of the people and things around her; her own experiences rather than those of Sora or Roxas. She’s drawn things that catch her eye, or presents for the people she cares about. Today, however, she’s drawing from memory; trying to reconcile something in her own head. Absently, she reaches for a pencil that will make a good skintone, and lets her mind drift back. This picture is going to be hard, and the only way she can get it right is to let her mind carry her to where it needs to go.

The endless expanse of sky and clear water is beautiful, and calming, but it’s also lonely. It reminds Naminé of her earliest emotions, her desperation for company and rescue, and though it’s peaceful here she can’t feel happy. She hasn’t managed to hold on to enough of herself to hold a true form, but she can sense the others here, and knows that Sora is attempting to gather his pieces up so that he can save everyone.

Time has little meaning in a place like this, so for now all she can do is wait --- wait, and be ready to reach out to a heart and mind still struggling against the darkness that’s overtaken him. But waiting is lonely, and it hurts, and if she had been able to hold onto a form she thinks she would have dropped to her knees from the weight of it. As it is, she sighs, a fragile sound that is at once nearly inaudible and echoing, only to find the sound mirrored by another voice.Oh. Oh, she’s drifted near another presence --- one as sad and lonely as she is. There’s no hiding things like that here, where the small bits of yourself you still possess are on display. (It’s why, she thinks, she couldn’t fool Sora when they spoke; that and the kindhearted boy’s own sensitivity.)

“Hello,” she greets that other presence, hoping she’s correct in thinking that this person is aware enough to respond.

“Hello,” the stranger says, sounding both shy and tired in a way that reminds Naminé of... well, herself. “You spoke with Sora, too? Is he a friend of yours?”

Now this is familiar territory, and if Naminé had enough of herself to nod, she would. As it is, conviction strengthens her voice. “Yes,” she says. “I’m Naminé, and I’m waiting for him to save his other friends --- and... and me, too, I guess.” And then, she thinks, she’ll have done her part to save him and everyone else, too.

“I see,” the stranger says, and falls quiet. They both drift in silence for a time, and Naminé thinks that might be that --- until, just as suddenly as she’d approached, that soft voice speaks up again. “I don’t know my name any more, but I’m waiting for someone, too. I’ve been waiting... a very long time, I think.” The wistful, sad tone of her voice pulls at Naminé, distracts her from her own resignation, and she finds herself wondering if, while shes’ here, she might not be able to offer some comfort to another lost soul.

“I’m sorry,” she says, expressing her sympathy for the lost name and the waiting alike. “Can you tell me about the one you’re waiting for? They sound very important to you.”

“He is,” comes the response, carrying with it so much love and sadness that Naminé thinks it might become tangible, here in this place beyond worlds. “And I suppose I could tell you a little, but his name’s a secret~!’ 

Even now, Naminé can remember it clearly. They spoke for what might have been hours, had time been a thing, or maybe it was only a few minutes. But either way, she learned about the person her nameless companion was waiting for: he was kind, and gentle, well-spoken and, apparently, a bit vain. He had lost himself, his memory and his heart alike, and become someone unrecognizable.

She reaches for another pencil, letting her heart guide her fingers, and starts working on her drawing’s eyes. Naminé’s already completed the hair, though her hand shook and made the pencil veer off in directions she didn’t want it to go. Picking out a clear, bright blue, she begins filling in the eyes. She bites her lip hard enough to hurt, but doesn’t let herself falter. This was always going to be hard, but she wanted --- no, she needed to do it. If she doesn’t follow through with it now, she thinks she’ll be losing something.

When that’s done, she sets the pencil aside and tips the sketchpad back, surveying her work. A bust of Marluxia stares up at her, pink hair falling to a shoulder line that is the bottom of the drawing. But the blue eyes and smile that grace his features are soft, a gentleness to them that is a far cry from the cold and terrifying man she knew. It’s frightening, to think about that man still existing, but he has as much right to his humanity as anyone else --- as much right to his heart as Saïx, who had been cruel to Xion and Roxas but is now being tentatively welcomed as a friend.

Looking at the strangely gentle smile on a face that had always been distant and cruel, Naminé lets herself wonder if there’s anyone who misses him.

#;muse: namine #;kh3 spoilers #;kingdom hearts spoilers #;kh spoilers #;spoilers #strangefellows

[fredenglish]

Hello, #FeatureFriday friends! It’s been a while, but we’re back for an interview with Iclal Vanwesenbeeck: English professor, translator, and world traveler! We talked to her about her time with the department, how her experiences around the world have affected her, and the study abroad program to Iceland that she’s gearing up for. (Admissions are still open!)

1) What do you think the most rewarding part of your time as a professor at SUNY Fredonia has been?

My students. I’ve gotten to know so many beautiful minds. I’ve had the privilege of mentoring students. That’s been the most rewarding part of my life teaching here or anywhere. And I think they have helped me as much as I’ve helped them! 

I have a sense of what I want to teach that semester but it just so happens that the minute you step foot in the classroom, and you see in front of you people with emotions and thoughts and hopes and ideas,  you have to be open-minded and compassionate. And I think in some ways I find my teaching rewarding because I never compromise that. I was always someone who took an interest in students’ wellbeing, who was curious about what they thought, and never tyrannical about “Oh, I’m going to teach you this!” And now, ten years, twelve years later, I still have students who contact me, drive up to have coffee with me, invite me to their weddings. I’m happy!

2) Which of the courses that you have taught do you think students connected the most with? Which do you think you connect the most with?

My favorite subjects to teach are war and love. And I have to say, even though I sometimes hesitate teaching it, love and war in the context of Middle Eastern literature has been an intriguing experience for me as much as it has been for the students. I’ve done some interesting work where, for example, I had US veterans, US veteran writers visit my class. And we read about the Iraq War from the perspective of Iraqis, refugees. And I have to say, in the classes I teach, I have students that have those eureka moments, but never so much as in Middle Eastern lit. Because it’s a generational thing, they’ve grown up with an image of the Middle East. They’ve heard about the Iraq War, they have family members who have fought or  deployed. And it’s been a part of their lives. But for some reason I think, for more than half of my students, that hadn’t been rendered visible. Just how much the Middle East has been a part of their lives, in the post-Cold War era.

So, to render that, to make that appear to students and to ask them to echo an ongoing discourse, and invite them to be a part of the dialogue? That has been intriguing for me. And I applied some of what I do in love, romance literature, and taught exclusively love stories from Middle Eastern lit in order to de-center this idea that Middle Eastern people don’t love, don’t laugh.

That’s a very wordy way of saying: war and love. War stories and love stories.

3) What advice do you have for prospective and/or current English students?

Let’s see… [Pause] I’m not good at giving advice! But I would say to be open minded. Everyone already has something they want to study and yet I see college as an opportunity to also reach out to distant shores. So maybe learn a new language, maybe they want to study literature at Oxford for a year. Aim high, and be idealistic.

4) A big potion of your work as an academic revolves around the translation of historical works. What do you think brought you to have such an interest in translation?

Oh, thank you for that question! Um, personal reasons. And curiosity. And also, my belief in peace, and peacemaking. The reason why I translate the works of some of the American veteran writers, for example, is because I want them to be read in other languages, I want their stories to be told in other languages. Because we need that polyphony to understand war. And it is, I believe, only possible through translation otherwise you have that barrier, since you can’t be face-to-face all the time with everybody who has experienced war. Those stories have to migrate. And I don’t think there’s any other way besides translation.

As I migrate between languages and I travel, sometimes I feel homesick for my native tongue. And that makes me want to sit down and translate, to use that vocabulary. Sometimes I just spend an hour looking through a dictionary, just to see if I will catch a word that I would like to remember. That is important in life, and… [Pause] it helps me. 

5) You’ve travelled quite a bit throughout your life. How do you think your experience of travel has affected you as both a person and as an academic?

I was born in Turkey, and I was raised in Turkey. And I came to the US for my graduate degree program. And I stayed here. And in the meantime, yes, I travel often. And it so happens that my life is an intersection of three cultures and three countries and three languages: Belgium, Turkey, and the United States.

So being in Belgium, or in Ghana, or in Russia or in Iceland… I don’t see those countries as entities with borders that then determine how I should act or interact with people. When I travel, I like connecting with people and landscapes. That’s what I’m interested in the most when I travel.

But I also want to refer back to a Renaissance philosopher that I adore, Montaigne. Something he wrote, has always stuck with me: “The very act of rubbing your head against the head of others.” That you become wise as you travel. I’ve seen in the past that that is not true for all people; in fact, a critical mass of people that I see when I travel are only interested in living somebody else’s Instagram page. They want the same pictures, the same selfies, the same food. 

But for me? It has almost become a lifestyle. And I don’t see how I could give it up.

6) You’re the faculty leader of the Iceland study program. What is it about Iceland that you think makes it such a good location to study abroad?

Iceland is a sub-arctic island. It is quite remote from many locations. It is a country of 350,000 people, most people live around the capital city, so the island is not homogeneously populated. To me, it is a country that brings together modernity and tradition. In terms of landscape, it brings together  extreme urban architecture and beautiful pastoral scenery. On one hand, it has these most progressive laws towards the LGBT+ community and pay equality. On the other hand, it has a committee for baby names. Certain names aren’t allowed for babies. It’s a country that doesn’t have, from what I can say from my own research, a single stolen item in their museums. Not a single item that’s been questionably curated or smuggled. And in terms of problem-solving, and democracy, and lifestyles, it is a country that can help students do comparative analyses. 

In terms of environmental issues, in terms of equality, we have, I think, a subset of global issues that we face. If you go to Bangladesh, you will see them dealing with water pollution. In Flint, Michigan, they deal with water pollution. So we have a subset of global issues anyway. But everybody seems to find different solutions to these problems. And it seems to me that Iceland, maybe because they are a small country, maybe because of the way that their democracy and politics work, maybe because of the culture, their decision making and their problem-solving may help students analyze their own. It’s for that reason that I think that Iceland is a near-perfect place for the students to go to tackle the issues that they have studied in the classroom, and heard about for all of their young adult lives.

One example: my generation did not read about glaciers in the newspaper every two days. Your generation, almost every week there is news about glaciers. They’ve become a part of our political and environmental issues. And we have a glacier hike on the Iceland trip for students — with very responsible behavior [towards environmental impact] — to see the glacier, and understand their life cycle, and what they mean for the planet, and understand that when glaciers melt in the Arctic, we feel it in the Mediterranean. Our world, as Jacques Cousteau said: “Everything is connected.” To get these insights, you have to travel. You have to develop perspective.

For aesthetic reasons, too, Iceland is a special place to study. It’s a breathtaking country. Arresting scenery. Captivating. If you have a poet or a painter in you, it comes out in Iceland. You cannot be indifferent to the Icelandic landscape. And every time we go, from the moment we get on the airport bus, to the second we depart, students are captivated.

7) Finally: what would you say is the most important lesson that literature can teach us?

[Long pause] It hasn’t taught me any lessons. Because, then we have to see literature as almost being didactic all the time. I had questions. And literature has helped me understand my own questions and listen to how others have asked similar questions. You may not feel like you need to read in your twenties, but I bet in your fifties you will feel that urge to read. For anybody who wants to understand existence, it’s there for you.  It takes away your loneliness. It hears your questions, and it gives you more questions. For anybody who wants to understand existence, it’s there for you.

[This interview has been edited and condensed for length, with input from the subject]

#featurefriday #iceland #suny fredonia #translation #turkey #edited

[dead-thorin]

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

#ive been low on online conversational executive functioning and online existing forever #but im working on it #ill be around the corner soon #i have a month left of school tho #and then im done and moving on #and have time for me #ily guys #thank you.

[cauldronoflove]

Do you have any headcanons for the El Internado gang having a Disney movie marathon together? Like if Paula convinced Marcos and then they all ended up loving Disney and wanting to watch them all. (If you can I love Marcos/Ivan and Vicky/Julia!) Thank you so much!!

this took,,, so long and i’m so sorry, heres 1.3k of these kids terrorizing one another with sad disney deaths and old childhood crushes bonding

- alright so to set the scene here, it’s spring break or something of the like and the school is mostly cleared out save for The Kids

- so it’s edging on day 3 of break and when all your friends are off doing whatever 8 year olds do on break and you’re alone, 3 days is an Eternity

- thus Paula decides she has to do something, because she has the worst thing you can have as a child aka Boredom

- and so she readies her best puppy dog eyes and lip pout and she marches herself to the boys’ dorm room and she settles herself beside Marcos and she does what baby sisters do

- now, Marcos loves his sister, like a lot, so he finds himself agreeing to Paula’s request to watch a movie with her

- 94% of Marcos’ life is him not realizing what he’s getting himself into so this literally is no different vksnfjs

- Paula thinks that it was way too easy to get Marcos to agree and by golly she didn’t prepare her best puppy dog eyes only to find her brother’s a pushover

- Plus, she remembers how much fun she and Marcos and their parents used to have when they’d build blanket forts in the living room and watch movies until way past her bedtime so she puts 2 & 2 together or rather 2 and 6 and she sets off to pokémon the shit out of the rest of these teenagers

- she has the easiest time finding and convincing Carol, and Carol in turn gathers up Vicky and Julia; Caye’s also an Absolute Pushover, and Roque can’t say no to Caye so there’s the majority of her band; all she has left is Iván

- Marcos, in addition to loving his sister, also dearly loves his boyfriend. and though he is completely jaded when it comes to the former he is Not when it comes to the latter (read: he doesnt want her to catch Iván on one of his off days and for her to get her feelings hurt)

- but Paula is Determined, she’s Stubborn, and she also Does Not Care about Iván’s teenage angst bullshit

- Getting him to agree, she will years later realize, is one of her biggest life accomplishments

- so they pool together what pillows and blankets they can get together and they all turn to vicky bc they figure hey! vic’s smart she can do this.

- Vicky Cant Build A Pillow Fort For Shit

- cut to julia and iván handling it like oh my god (roque: is that a cup holder made out of a pillowcase ? julia, grinning: you bet your ass it is)

- so now that theyre gathered and in a Pillow Castle™ someone (caye’s bc he has every movie ever on his laptop lbr) laptop gets tugged out and they then commence The Great Movie Decision Debate

- they eventually settle on The Little Mermaid (it’s a classic, iván argues; ariel was hot, carol inputs)

- about 20 minutes in everyone Immediately Knows why iván was im favor of the little mermaid

- prince eric, really? marcos asks, definitely not jealous of an animated, completely fictional man or anything

- vicky Loses It bc this is literally the funniest thing that has ever happened to her ever she cant believe she got to witness iván trying to defend himself against marcos’ accusation

- iván gets her back tho lmao

- but he bides his time

- in the mean time they watch

- the lion king: caye loses his shit, he’s straight up sobbing when mufasa dies and he’s got roque on one side and paula on the other and paula’s patting his hand and telling him it’ll be ok

- mulan: why do Roque, Caye, and Iván know be a man by heart why are they so in sync and on tune How Many Times Has This Happened Boys Oh My God Did You Guys Rehearse Choreography

- the fox and the hound: *marcos voice* fUCK-paula dont repeat that-THIS MOVIE

- bambi: iván cries (“no, carol, i’m not, it’s just hot in this fort with all you shits and im sweating”) but it’s chill bc marcos wraps his arms around iván’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder and it’s sweet and iván’s still Definitely Not Crying Thank You V Much Carol but he’ll admit he’s a bit emo ok

- after bambi ends iván thinks it’s abt time for him to exact his revenge so he suggests hercules and VICKY LAUNCHES AT HIM

- (mind you paula is still here, she just migrated abt the fort and is with carol and is content enjoying her movies and her snacks and her convo with carol’s cool gf who’s on skype as vicky tries to murder iván in the bg)

- julia’s intrigued, and so she smiles real sweet at her Best Friend caye and bc he’s a good good friend caye obliges

- julia, 2.2 seconds into the movie: ITS MEG ISNT IT VIC

- vicky, trying to strangle iván over marcos’s laughing form: N-NO SHUT UP

- julia: are you always this articulate ;-)

- vicky, dying and living all at once, no longer trying to kill iván

- carol: Why didnt we see this before julia is totally meg

- roque: thts true

- julia: i cant wait for halloween

- vicky: tht one meme where the dude’s wiping sweat off his brow you know the one

- marcos to iván in the back even tho he hasnt said a word: only if youre ariel

- things start to wind down after tht and they decide maybe one more movie bc it’s gonna be late soon and theyve already decided to end the marathon with paula’s only real request so theyre abt to start tht when caye’s like:

- Wait. we’ve all had our emotions plucked at or embarrassing childhood crushes critiqued What Abt Julia

- julia: i’ll kill you tbh

- marcos: yeah julia what’s Youre movie

- iván: if i have to suffer knowing marcos now Knows then you gotta suffer with vic Knowing too

- julia: …

- julia: thts fair

- julia: caye play aladdin

- vicky: ohmYGOD

- iván: aladdin or jasmine

- julia: *voice crack* STOP

- caye, in tears, having to lean on roque for support or he will literally fall on his face with laughter

- julia, under her breath: both

- marcos, in the back: damn. same.

- it takes Forever for them all to settle down to actually Watch the movie tbh it’s ridiculous but instead of letting them tease her abt it julia ROCKS every single song and yes, she knows every word (julia: ive literally owned multiple vhs copies bc i’d watch it so much they wouldnt rewind Of Course i know every word)

- (for weeks after this marathon everyone quotes movies at each other but marcos and julia’s aladdin quotes are truly Iconic)

- after aladdin ends it’s like 9 so they still have time for paula’s pick aka frozen and god do they go out on a high note tbh

- paula singing, pointedly looking at marcos then flicking her eyes to iván, shrugging: so he’s a bit of a fixer upper

- Also can i just say that carol and paula’s duet of let it go was absolutely the stuff of legends even if that song should have died years ago

- anyway it’s Incredibly Much So after paula’s bedtime by the time theyre done with the movie and paula’s passed out in the corner, vicky and julia have a blanket over their shoulders and are trying not to nod off together, carol’s saying goodnight to her gf who has been in and out on skype all day, marcos and iván are bickering (lovingly??) and roque and caye are Gone (they went to bed lol nerds)

- marcos ends up having to carry paula back to her room and of course iván goes with him and julia and vicky and carol gather what pillows and blankets they Think are theirs and trudge back to their room and all in all it was a Good Night

#my hcs #el internado

[unproduciblesmackdown]

instead of me making a post where i briefly rate btvs characters im gonna do a post im sure ive already made abt how in the first book alone its shown that narnia is an unreasonable twilight zone to deal with and the lore is wild and aslan is sort of a jerk and bad with dealing with children / dealing with the world he created; or: the battle of the reader vs cs lewis

ok first of all. this book completely wrongs edmund. cs lewis is determined to have us believe that he is a Bad Sort but? not so much that when he's "redeemed" we have to doubt for even a moment that he's now Good Forever. and the reasons the reader keeps being given about why we should be disgusted with edmund are incredibly weak and often bemusing

to start with, cs lewis hates boarding schools which is probably because they could be awful and so he throws out the reason that edmund used to be as nice and purehearted as his siblings until boarding school spoilt his immortal soul? were peter and susan taught at home or in public school then? if lewis was making a comment on how terrible boarding school is, why isnt edmund given any sympathy for this by the narrator or his siblings who just seem largely annoyed by him?

and since at the start the kids are being sent off from home in the middle of a world war their dad is off in and have to go to a boring house with an uncle? who for some reason never like, bothers to speak to them or see them ever. tf, dude. and theyre in england in the first place. anyhow, the fact that edmund being in a bad mood over this is supposed to be evidence of his crappiness is a touch unreasonable. he's like what, 8-11? so much of this book hinges on his character needing to be saved from his own badness that its sort of unforgivable that said badness really doesnt exist. hates his terrible school? hates his terrible situation? difficult? fights with siblings? how is this meant to be fit for A Just and Divine Damnation. why is there such a complete lack of sympathy. does lewis understand anything about children.

the answer is that "adults assuming these young as hell children have the same emotional maturity and logical processes and understanding of the world as adults" is a constant theme. these random schoolchildren become the supreme rulers of an entire country in a world theyve never been in after like, a week. the whole series runs on a fair number of other English Brand notions abt classism, racism, divine right to rule, etc. but even if it wasnt "only humans can lead", why would any children be allowed? children who had never been there? for gods sake

moving on to the plot: lucy finds narnia, etc. i guess on account of being Young and A Girl, which here means spiritual purity? and also as a character trope means Innocence. ok. meeting an exposition-providing faun, getting back, nobody believes her because why would they. their great(but not good) uncle bothers showing up upon coincidence. why hasnt he ever even said "hello, im not evil" to the kids staying at his house?for gods sake. he then explains to the kids a version of one of lewis's apologistic things that supposedly logically proves that christianity is valid and here proves that narnia is real, which it actually does neither of. shove it, clive staple lewis. your argument is crap

oh but edmund went to narnia along with lucy before that had happened. this is supposed to be a crucial point where he meets the white witch and is supposed to be like, dont be like edmund kids!! but frankly he behaves perfectly reasonably during that encounter and also when they all get to narnia. coz, ok, he's in an alternate universe alone which is disorienting for anyone. then the witch just happens to stumble across him. was he supposed to have prevented that somehow? lucy just stumbled across mr tumnus and trusted him inherently and it happened to go well. the first person edmund meets is someone else and he talks with her for a minute because she is a grown ass woman, probably gonna kill him otherwise, and also he's in an alternate universe alone with no idea where anyone is or if he can get back? here is a quick tangent:

a moral throughout the series is that you can sense somethings inherent goodness or truthfulness through how much it gives you a nice gut feeling. yet frankly this is not the only way to go about making choices. and not everything bad sets off alarms and not everything that sets off alarms is bad, so i dont know how much of a lesson that is. but for example, here the witch doesnt give edmund the warm fuzzies, and it is supposed to be a mistake or moral weakness on his part to not have.....what? gone running aimlessly through the arctic landscape in his jammies from a self-proclaimed queen with a sledge? he didnt really have any options here. how is he meant to know she's not really the ruler of this crap place that, so far as he knows, he lives in now? and ok, then somehow his big ol mistake is eating some damn candy and having some hot cider or whatever. it is eternal winter, why is this child a sinner for getting up out of the snow and humoring this lady by taking some offered snackaroos. also, everyone says turkish delight isnt even good. ask for some m&m's, ed!!! love yourself!! and even if he is supposed to know never to eat magical food or be bound to the fairy queen, lucy went and had tea with a fuckin faun so again, they basically did the same thing but edmund met the wrong person by sheer luck of it, so he has to die. LEWIS!!!!!!!

another big Edmund Must Die moment is when he and lucy get back from narnia and edmund lies that narnias fake, because he's evil. first of all, the fact that lucy tells him that some stranger she's buddies with says the white witch is evil and a liar. how is her stranger meant to be more reliable than the witch? this is just the word of two randos pitted together. how is edmund meant to understand this as Proof that the queen is evil and an imposter to the throne. frankly, she's functionally the actual queen, so its not even really a lie? narnia is impossible. secondly, it is 10000% understandable that edmund would realize that if he backs up lucy's claims then everyone is going to go looking for narnia, and in the experience he's just had, its a hellhole. and lucy has just told him that he possibly met an evil witch that is interested in also meeting his siblings? wouldnt be too thrilled about going back there then. and thirdly, if as lewis says he just lies because he is evil? does this man again not understand that Impulsive Pettiness is a bit different coming from a 9 yr old than a grown adult. the narrator is just so aghast at edmund constantly when its like dude he's.....not really doing anything, and also theyre all babies. let him be a bit of a little shit without the devil herself coming to claim his spilled blood for it, mayhaps

also, there is a bit of confusion about the fairy food! it is implied to be actually kind of magically binding, like to a degree he has to cooperate with the witch now because he took food he was offered? or at least it is somehow "corrupting." so how is this meant to be a sin if also it is not even his own choices here! how was he meant to have avoided this? dont take candy from strangers, sure. BUT IF YOU DO, YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GET!!!

all the pevensies are in narnia, lucy lets it for everyone else remarkably fast, but i guess she is like 6 and having a nice time with her family in a magical land. although you'd think she'd be more concerned about all that witch stuff, and the fact that mr tumnus was about to straight up childnap her and deliver her to childmurder. like, good on you for not doing that. but how many people has he been selling out all this time! its literally been his job for however long. he's had to have had something to show for it. is morally greyness just arbitrarily sorted into black and white Good/Evil characters and these kids are supposed to sniff out which way these things fall? for gods sake. see, my point is that this adult faun who was going to turn a kindergartener in to be killed until he decided nah, and previously definitely probably narced on people in the past, is way crapper than a kid who has been grumpy and ran into the wrong person? what is edmunds Betrayal. was it the food eating

anyways, then peter is a total dick, but in like a noble way. in that he's mad at edmund for ages but like...again, ok, he's like 12-14 or whatever, who knows. the point is that if he can hold a grudge against his siblings for being annoying, why is that trait evil in edmund? it is because narrator lewis says so, damn him. but if peter is the Natural Born Leader of A Country here, you'd think he could at least manage not to keep giving a hard time to the one of their group who is going to be any trouble keeping in line at all, since lucy is Pure and susan gets the literature role of the Mini Mom. theyre not going anywhere. you basically had one job, pete.

fun fact: this is where they find out mr tumnus is taken by the queens evil forces, referred to as the police. this is basically the only book i can think of where the evil enforcement agency is called a police force. Interesting Stuff

even though im not sure what any of them think they can accomplish by wandering around, they end up following a random bird and following some random beavers. they know this is ok because of those warm fuzzies, and the fact edmund isnt feeling those good vibes is because he's evil, but honestly its a shit plan following some random bird and assuming some beavers are gonna be good guys. the only people edmund knows of in this country are an imposing queen and her kidnapper who's totally nice. also if tumnus told lucy that the queen has loads of spies, why are they crashing around inherently trusting the first things they see? lucy trusts a faun who was going to sell her to satan, edmund sort of has to trust an ominous lady who turns out to possibly be evil? why would he not find it a questionable idea to wander into this beaver dam

in further supposed evidence of edmund being all devil-corrupted by d&d, he doesnt get the warm fuzzies when these random beavers start talking abt a magic lion who's great and wandering around somewhere, you should totally go to him. but they have like, actually zero knowledge about this world beyond the differing accounts of those theyve happened to bump into? how would they know some lion who isnt even around ever is the rightful ruler of narnia, vs some lady who is actually around? she's got one up on aslan for that. where've you been, buddy. what took you an entire century. aslan SHOULD TOTALLY sound kind of crap because, uh, HE IS?

edmund goes off somehow without anyone noticing and the beavers are like oh yeah saw that one coming, that'll be the magic food. like??? you couldve said. or at least not let him sidle off out the door half an hour ago? for gods sake. and again: if this is magic food rules, why isnt the magical kit-kats the Great Traitor of All Of Narnia! how is the concept of sin fitting into all of this. again, edmund just ran into the wrong person. and lewis is just like no, see, but he deserves this because he is irritable and childish and mean. CHILDREN LEWIS!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT!!!

apparently edmund meanders all the way to the white witches place b/c all the time the entirety of narnia seems to be a couple of miles across or a few hundred miles, depending on whats convenient to the story. the moral of narnia's weird lore is that its only as consistent as cs lewis feels like making it, which is sometimes Completely Bewildering when he just sort of throws stuff out there but moves the narration right along. presumably he wasnt expecting this to operate on the rules that any of this would be regarded with any level of analysis, since tolkien was a contemporary and not a predecessor. but still, dude, get your story straight? especially within the same book.

and anyways also, again! the magic food rules come up. because that is meant to be edmunds motivation, besides just being petty. he is magically bound to the fig newtons. which is i guess meant to explain away him literally going the extra mile for this witch shit, but also still letting him be blamed for that, since he is being SUCH a jerk, see kids? dont act less than chipper at your terrible life unless you want to take your soul's rightful place as the devils property, moreso than literally anyone else in all of narnia? alright. this books plot points are just a bit like.......ok

the other kids definitely have no option but to trust their choice in "trust the first people we bump into." luckily its uh...its fine. but wtf

who is narnia santa!!!!! how can there be a dude based on a saint? does narnia have the concept of saints? is he a dead guy???? i can slightly accept that narnia has a christmas in that maybe that comes from the dude who was made king at its birth being a random english cabbie, i suppose maybe this guy was like "fuck it, its christmas and you're going to like it." but do narnians know what xmas is about at all??? canonly aslan is actually just also jesus in the england-world, but did the cabbie king know that? did he explain the concept of jesus? does monotheistic narnia also accept the concept of a separate god existing in another universe, or are they all also assuming aslan=jesus? but this isnt as confusing as the santa guy. is he like how there's wizards running around? this is so weird. what magic shit would edmund have got. wouldnt it have been nice or at least useful for santa to have given the other pevensies whatever he was going to have given edmund. does that boy also not get xmas presents because he is on the naughty list. bad month for edmund

speaking of edmund, he honestly sort of disappears from the book as soon as he has the realization that the witch is mean :( despite the plot of rest of the book being essentially centered around him? and him finally being in a position for the narration to stop talking about what a cruel cruel monster he is? ok

aslan is just a dick not only for leaving narnia on its own for ages but also just personality wise. rude to the children. they are all like "aslan our brother" and aslan is like "shut up about your brother already, i'll do something about it if i want to but if i dont want to he deserves whatever's coming to him." like? have a little patience for the reasonable questions and uncertainties of these kids, ffs

how is this massive climate shift not fucking shit up like, ecologically. does anyone own shorts at this point? how are plants alive. its magic

oh yeah, forgot that there was that bit in the white witches statue garden of death where edmund straight up thought this one lion he saw must be aslan. wasnt he also getting figurative cold feet until he saw that, also? again, in these circumstances, how was he meant to know that WASN'T aslan and that the witch wasnt the one who was right. shrug! but now another total coincidence is whats driving edmund to go say hey to the witch again instead of backing out of her creepy house. see you in hell ed

back to aslan........uhhh when a wolf attacks susan, who is like, dangling precariously from a branch in fear of her life, aslan orders the skilled warriors not to save susan asap, but instead to let this 13 yr old holding a sword for the first time mosey on over and have a one on one fight with this talking wolf. sure, aslan knows the situation is under control. but the people who dont know?? are these kids in mortal peril? aslan is such a dick. he shouldnt be putting these children in these positions of Leader Of My Army Now, Go Into Actual Combat. but thats just how he rolls. trial by fire, dweebs

oh yeah and since the chance happens to arrive he sends some people to go get edmund back. thanks for bothering to rescue a child! gods sake

then he has a nice long talk with edmund about never being annoyed with your siblings or theres literal hell to pay, i guess! whatever. at least he's paying attention to him for a moment instead of just handing him a sword and telling him not to complain. thanks? telling his siblings not to be dicks about it all is also very mature of him. and apparently necessary since again, cough, peter? getting mad at edmund for being petty and immature maybe shouldnt have involved sniping at him a ton and ignoring him to the point he just left for an hour before anyone was like, wasnt there more of you. lord. im just saying, maybe everyone needs to mature a bit before they are monarchs

psych!! these kids are ready for anything now

except for the bit where the witch comes and demand edmund's head, since...........................i guess she was trying to play the long con? by hoping aslan would do the ol switcheroo? or maybe she was just mad and wanting a good ritualistic murder. but despite the whole damn book being about this explanation of the crucifixion of jesus, it.........doesnt really make sense within the god damn Lore. she has claim to edmunds life because he is a Traitor? to whom? the witch straight up lied to him abt what she wanted to do with his siblings, so how was he meant to have betrayed them if he hadnt known what she intended to do? how can he betray someone if it was the fault of the Law Of The Magic Almond Joy? sure, he lied and snuck around and was pissy and all, but how is that on a level above any other number of stunts other narnians are sure to have pulled. she has narnian spies? arent they traitors? does she have to formally make the claim for the "i get to kill the traitor or narnia is destroyed b/c The Lore, Fuck You" for it to come into effect? is edmund just called a traitor for the strategy of it all, since the humans have to be alive to defeat her. but on what grounds

also, who agreed to give her that authority of traitor-killer? why does that role exist. what. whomst. lewis, explain this?

again like.....how are the children on their own for this bit, either. there is no sympathy for being children in lewisverse

ok and uhhhh? aslan leaving on the night before a battle w/o like....telling anyone? they wouldnt even have known he'd died if a dryad hadnt have been like "you'll never guess this shit." i guess omniscience or whatever. but for fucks sake, peter outranks everyone else in the army just because he's human? he doesn't know shit! you made him fight a wolf! whatever. why even put the humans in battle if you need them to live. whatever

susan and lucy of course have to witness this aslancide until they also witness this resurrection. cool. but the thing is that like? sure aslan couldve just flat out let edmund die, but besides the fact that theres the whole prophecy thing to mean that the kids need to live, but also, he was sort of backed into a corner re: having to die himself because of some technicality in narnia's rulebook? i get that this wasnt meant to be completely an allegory so much as just "gateway christianity drug" but wasnt the jesus bit supposed to be done just totally as a favor or whatever. aslan was sort of just strategizing as far as we know. like, is edmund representing The Sins Of All Humanity, or is he out here like "if jesus dying wouldve saved just one person it wouldve happened all the same"? either way, it makes it seem like aslan HAS to do this whole dying thing out of "so the world doesnt end" vs choosing to out of being cool abt it. i mean......not that uh jesus was supposed to have been psyched up abt his death. but you know what im getting at here. whatever, the Lore

again, the battle seems to be happening like, five miles from the witches house? coz everyone from the statues just makes the journey with aslan in one go. what are the scales here, lewis!!

aslan shows up in time to just kill the white witch himself, with his god lion teeth? how gross must that have been. also! he couldve done that at any time!!! but prophecy whatever sighhhhhhhh

its funny that lucy gets impatient with aslan for interrupting her moment of "can i make sure my brother isnt dead" and he gets impatient with her about that? shes in like preschool. also, you have healing powers!!!! so says uhhh.....the next book? or the one after. and anyone can use that magic elixer. and can you stop being so damn testy abt these childrens concerns for each other's lives!!!

theyre monarchs now, and aslan just fucks off. he couldve bothered to say goodbye, if people dont happen to see him meander off, how do they even know if he left or is just hanging around somewhere? seeing as he just snuck off overnight and died without letting anyone know. but more importantly he's again left this country entirely on its own save for these kids who know nothing except that they better be nice to each other or some random magical law might come into effect where someone gets to knock on their door and demand their kidneys or the world ends.

for real though! this is like, a country coming out of a crappy period and now in a wild transitional period and the only leaders are these kids who just showed up who have never been here before in their lives. how are they meant to manage a natl economy? its not mentioned here (is it) but theres an entire other racist-caricature-mashup of a country to the south already? how are they at diplomacy between two countries they know nothing abt. how will they form policies! they are 11! what tf is narnias infrastructure, beyond "sparse." where did the line to the throne go? was there always direct descendants to the first king in archenland, which by the way also exists with people in it b/c fuck you. i guess so...i forget where caspian comes from.

fun fact, when my sister and her friend went to disney world some yrs ago, they took a pic with a dude playing caspian a la the films, whom looked a lot like the actual actor, aka a total babe. its a great photo

anyways ummm. see the entire narnian govt just disappears? which i suppose they figure out when the four of them just leave and never come back. i suppose its lucky the narnians assumed it was magic and not regicide. because, if you live in narnia? fuck you. honestly what did they do in the aftermath. nobody nonhuman is even allowed to be a ruler. do they have like, other elevated positions? was there no regulation. coz thats alright but the series implies that narnia is always supposed to have a king around in order for things to go well. ok

so uh its govtless i guess until what, these people accidentally stumble upon a portal to narnia and become the telmarines who take over narnia? but not rightfully i guess, because even though theyre humans, they were probably insufficiently noble about it. or just not aslan-approved. honestly ok where tf did the calormenes come from? another portal? why did they restrict themselves to a certain region? why did narnia not encompass the entire world? why did you need to be white and english to be christian. i know this is a case of just introducing things that dont make sense but moving the story along before anyone asks questions but uh..........louie

Also How Tf Are These Kids Going From Grown Adult Monarchs To 10 Yr Old Schoolchildren In 1940s England Again over the course of like 10 seconds. before they left this clowns didnt even recognize the damn lantern! how do you forget that ever. ridiculous

where the "put in what you want and dont bother explaining it unles you feel like it" strategy is really fun is with that lantern, imo. on account of he just put it in as a Fuck You Buddy to tolkien, which is funny. good job

but really how are you not even going to devote a single sentence to that fucked up transition these kids? adults in kids bodies? kids with the memories of what it is like to have become and been adults until just a second ago? are going through. like...............ok. do they have to larp being normal children for a while. It's Magic, Fuck You

aslan is just.....kind of a jerk!

this book teaches you nothing

The Lore

the end

[expectoepatronums]

we are all fools in love

A/N: Jumping on the textfic bandwagon. This was so much fun to write, I completely understand the obsession now. Title from pride and prejudice (the book)

James Potter to Lily Evans: do u think my english lit paper could just be a review of the kira knightly pride and prejudice movie

Lily Evans: james it is 3am

James Potter: yes it is

Lily Evans: pls go to sleep

James Potter: cant this is too important 

Lily Evans: im not even in english lit ask remus

James Potter: hes asleep lily obvs it is 3am

Lily Evans: wow what a novel concept 

James Potter: but actually have you seen the kira knightly p&p its so good

Lily Evans: ofc i have ive been in love with mr darcy since i was 10 

James Potter: lily evans! how could you?!! in love with another man?!!! i am heartbroken!

Lily Evans: i am going to sleep now

James Potter: wait i actually need to know do u think i can write my paper on that

James Potter: lily? 

James Potter: lily im not kidding

Lily Evans has left the conversation. 

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: can u pls make ur boyfriend shut up abt pride and prejudice

Lily Evans: sorry i think hes ur boyfriend in this situation

Lily Evans: that reminds me can you make ur boyfriend shut up about pride and prejudice

Peter Pettigrew to is this a cool chat name?: hey prongs isnt ur 6 month anniversary with lily coming up?

James Potter: ya

James Potter: we’re going to a rlly nice dinner

James Potter: im surprising her

James Potter: theres going to be a violinist. and roses

Remus Lupin: jeez james how long have you been planning this?

James Potter: only like, 7 months

Remus Lupin: that was a logical decision

Sirius Black: gotta be prepared moony

Peter Pettigrew: i cant believe prongs will have been dating lily for 6 months on october 24th at 5:06pm its truly amazing she hasnt dumped you yet

James Potter: thanks for the vote of confidence pete

Remus Lupin: pete why do you know the exact minute they got together 

Sirius Black: well obviously he marked it in his calendar like the rest of us

Sirius Black: i cant believe you havent recorded the momentous event moony shame on you

Remus Lupin: you own a calendar?

James Potter: actually it was 5:07 

James Potter: just so u know 

Peter Pettigrew: my whole life is a lie

Sirius Black to James Potter: not coming to chem today 

James Potter: u dont take chem

James Potter: neither do i

Sirius Black: then what is the sciencey class where you evans and i sit in the back and make fun of giles the entire time

James Potter: physics

Sirius Black: r u sure

James Potter: yes

James Potter: yesterday u asked giles what exactly a physic was

James Potter: he did not find it funny

Sirius Black: yes but everyone else did 

James Potter: on the contrary lily just rolled her eyes

Sirius Black: good god prongs do u catalogue everything evans does y are you so disgustingly in love

James Potter: i dont catalogue im just perceptive

Sirius Black: r u kidding me last week sabrina morgan asked you out and you didnt even realize it

Sirius Black: and then u had to chase her down and tell her that u had a girlfriend who you were very much in love with and that u did not actually want to go out

James Potter: i dont see what that has to do with anything 

Sirius Black: thank you for proving my point

Sirius Black to yes remus i own a calendar im not a barbarian: I HAVE THE BEST IDEA FOR GRAD PRANK

Remus Lupin: if it involves balloons filled with maple syrup again sirius im leaving this chat 

Sirius Black: i would never do that again moony im not boring

Sirius Black: this time its balloons filled with molasses 

Remus Lupin has left the conversation.

James Potter: really sirius? molasses?

Sirius Black: in hindsight it may actually be worse than maple syrup

Sirius Black: back to the drawing board

Peter Pettirgew: wait i want to hear the idea 

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: why is james being weird

Remus Lupin: what are you talking about 

Remus Lupin: he always looks like that 

Lily Evans: mary macdonald just asked him if he had any plans this weekend and he almost jumped out of his seat 

Lily Evans: and now he’s tapping his pencil against the desk. he only does that when he’s nervous 

Lily Evans: youre sitting right next to me how have you not noticed

Remus Lupin: idk you’re gonna have to ask him

Lily Evans: i tried

Lily Evans: he just said ‘err nothing why would you ask that hey did you see that movie’ and then he rambled on about some netflix documentary

Remus Lupin: that seems pretty par for the course to me

Lily Evans: come on remus

Remus Lupin: idk ask sirius

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: why is james being weird

Sirius Black: what r u talking about

Sirius Black: he always looks like that

Lily Evans to Peter Pettigrew: why is james being weird

Peter Pettigrew: idk what youre talking about

Peter Pettigrew: hes totally fine

Peter Pettigrew: nothings going on

Peter Pettigrew: just yesterday he told me he was feeling as normal as ever

Peter Pettigrew: hes definitely totally completely fine 

Peter Pettigrew has left the conversation.

James Potter to james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up: EMERGENCY: WHAT DO I WEAR

Peter Pettigrew: a suit?

Sirius Black: nothing

Remus Lupin: a nice shirt and a tie

James Potter: okay i have found something crisis averted

Sirius Black: breaking news: james learns to dress himself

Remus Lupin: we’re so proud of him for his achievement

James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU’

Sirius Black: i feel personally victimized and attacked

Remus Lupin: i think that was the point

Peter Pettigrew: hey! i didn’t say anything!

James Potter changed the chat name to ‘james is going to a fancy dinner hes so grown up UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU minus peter’

Peter Pettigrew: thank you

Lily Evans to James Potter: thank you for tonight

Lily Evans: it was wonderful

James Potter: glad you liked it 

James Potter: these 6 months have been the best of my life

Lily Evans: mine too

James Potter: hey lily?

Lily Evans: yeah?

James Potter: i love you

Lily Evans: i love you too

Remus Lupin to James Potter: how did it go last night?

James Potter: it went great

James Potter: she loved it

James Potter: i did cut myself on one of the roses tho

Remus Lupin: oh my god

James Potter: there was a little bit of blood but i survived

Remus Lupin: glad to hear it

James Potter: on another note, do you think McGonagall will accept my english lit paper if its titled “‘Lizzie B Takes No Shit’ and Other Take Aways From Pride and Prejudice (2005)”

Remus Lupin has left the conversation

Sirius Black to fambam: BREAKING NEWS: JAMES POTTER AND LILY EVANS ARE SNOGGING IN THE CAF

Remus Lupin: sirius theyve been dating for six months

Sirius Black: IK BUT IT NEVER GETS LESS EXCITING

Lily Evans: glad to know you find us entertaining

James Potter: what did you expect lil? were like elizabeth and darcy

Sirius Black: does that make me bingley

Remus Lupin: p sure im bingley

Lily Evans: guys its obviously pete

Peter Pettigrew: aww thanks i think also is now a good time to mention that ive never actually seen this movie

James Potter: WHAT????!!!!!!!??????!!!!

#jily #marauders #james potter #lily evans #remus lupin #sirius black #peter pettigrew #molly writes things #jily fanfiction #this has been in my drafts for three months #so here it is

[h-fragmentedfigments]

Reverse

Prologue

LONDON 1971

It was quarter to nine in the evening and supposedly, there should be music blaring out loud with the chattering of the crowd clouding the place. The atmosphere should smell like sweat and smoke, and the room shouldn’t have this too much light. Yet instead, Eris stood by the telephone at her parents’ house, pulse racing and breath hitching. This was not how she pictured her night starting.

She takes a deep breath, trying to form the words to say to the person on the line. She was petrified, her feet suddenly felt heavy to move, and her fingers are starting to feel cold.

“Ms. Gray, are you still there?” The woman who broke the news exactly two minutes ago spoke again, her voice sounding concerned.

“Yes, I’m still here.” Eris stutters as her eyes begin to brim with tears.

“It would be advisable to get yourself checked up again, just to see see if the baby…” Her next words became a blur as Eris tries to take in everything that’s been said to her for the past four minutes she’s been on the phone.

Before the woman on the line could even finish her statement, Eris beats her to it, feeling her head pound already. For fuck’s sake, what is happening? Eris thought. She was on her way to the pub where she should be spending time with Roger along with Freddie, Brian, and John who she hasn’t seen for over a month now. But before she could even step outside the house, the phone rang, where she received that god-awful news she’s never even thought of hearing any time soon; not when she was just getting into med school, not when Roger is just kicking off with his music career. But it had to happen now, at the very worst moment: She had to be twelve weeks pregnant.

“Th—thanks for the call,” Eris croaked, “I’ll make sure to go to the hospital soon.” She put the phone down before leaning against the wall beside her. God, she was getting dizzy. The woman’s words echoed in her mind and it was all too overwhelming, she couldn’t think straight.

Eris tries to collect her thoughts while pacing back and forth in the living room. She brings her thumb to her mouth, nibbling on it. Half an hour had already passed and she was seconds away from losing her mind. She and Roger had just received their BSC and while they’ve been in a happy, committed relationship for almost three years now, they’ve never talked about settling down, let alone have a child. Sure, marriage was brought up once or twice, but they have other plans long before that; plans the two of them have talked about before they even met in college.

A knock on the door abruptly halts Eris from pacing. She stood frozen in her place, terrified that she has to face Roger this early. Before she could even wrap everything in her mind. Her breath hitches, legs not daring to move while she waits for the person at the door to speak.

“Eris, darling, are you home?” Freddie hollers and relief quickly rushed through Eris’ body from hearing that voice. She bolts to the door, grateful to have this person out of anyone in the world in her house right now. She swings the door open, revealing her good, old friend’s face.

“Ah, thought you should be home. I was on my way to the pub when I saw your light still open, so I figured—”

Freddie was cut off with Eris engulfing him with a tight hug, “God, Freddie. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Well, can’t say I’m surprised. Anyone would be glad to see me.” Even without his face in view, Eris could picture the bloke’s smirk plastered on his face as he hugs her back. Typical Freddie Mercury, oozing with confidence.

They both enter the house with Freddie following Eris who is anxiously biting down her lower lip. She clasps her hands together, trying to formulate how she’s going to break it to him. Eris turns to face Freddie and parts her mouth only to be disrupted by Freddie’s enthusiastic clapping. He rushes towards her, a wide grin etched across his face.

“You will not believe who just phoned tonight!” Still grinning, Freddie’s warm hands held her cold ones. He paused for a quick second, letting the anticipation hold longer and continued, “EMI Records! They’re interested in managing us.”

It was difficult not to feel the weight in Eris’ chest getting heavier. Again, she should be mirroring Freddie’s smile, hugging him and congratulating him, and maybe even dragging him outside so the both of them can go and tell the rest of the guys. But the sadness and pained expression was evident, and it was only natural for Freddie to look confused.

“Are you alright, darling? Gosh, you look pale.” Freddie touched Eris’ cheek then her forehead to check before pulling her to the couch.

“I’m sorry… I…”

“Do you want me to fetch you water? Or do you want to catch some fresh air? Jesus, you look like you’re going to faint.”

“Fred, I need to tell you something.” Eris’ voice was low and somber and Freddie knew right away this was something serious. He sits beside her and stayed quiet, letting Eris take her time. She looks up to him and Freddie grew more concerned seeing the tears build in her eyes.

It pained Freddie to see her like this. Eris had gone through pain but never had he seen her this vulnerable and lost, and to say he was worried was an understatement.

“Darling, please. What is it?” Freddie’s voice came out as a whisper, full desperation laced in those last three words.

“I’m pregnant, Fred.” Eris couldn’t help but free the tears that have been long coming and shamelessly broke down in front of Freddie. She lowered her head down, struggling to catch her breath as Freddie takes in her words. It was silent for a moment, only Eris’ sobs contained the atmosphere.

“Have you told Roger?” was Freddie’s first question. Without looking up, Eris shakes her head, wiping her tears.

“I just found out a while ago, I… Fuck, Freddie. How could I even tell him?”

Eris leans down to rest her elbows against her knees, hands raising to cover her face in frustration. Eris knew Roger loved her, god, the man was obsessed with her, but she was also aware of Roger’s passion and fixation when it comes to music and the future he had pictured for himself and Queen. And the last thing Eris would want to do is ruin it all for him.

Freddie breathes out and holds out his arm to touch Eris’ hand. He gives it a tight squeeze before rising from his seat. He marches down to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboard while the damsel confusingly waits for him. Minutes later, he comes back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sets them in the coffee table, pouring each glass with his and Eris’ favorite Sauvignon Blanc. He hands Eris her drink before taking his own and clinking their glasses.

“So…” He begins, crossing his legs, “What do you want to do?”

This is why Freddie is who Eris’ needs the most at this moment. Freddie and Eris had a fair share of tragic moments together and in those times, it was always Freddie who Eris confided more because of his means of addressing problems. He neither condoles nor sympathize. He refuses to lengthen the misery you’re in by giving words of comfort by saying ‘It’s okay,’ because hell, it is not okay, and you’re in this unfortunate predicament, so what are you going to do about it?

“Should I break up with him?” Eris asks.

“Are you mad?” Freddie almost spit out his drink, appalled at what the words that came out from Eris’ mouth. “Do you honestly think that loved up arse is going to let you break up with him? Not in this life, dear. Try again.”

Eris sighs. “Fred, if there’s anyone in this world who knows him just like I do, it’s you. And you know very well that his priority right now is his career—Queen’s career, to be exact. Not me, not this baby.”

“I’m very much aware, yes.” Freddie nods casually. He adjusts himself in the couch comfortably and takes a sip. “But I’m also sure of the fact that if Queen is his priority right now, then you’re the most important person in his life, not just right now; since you were kids, since we all met in Kensington Market, yesterday, today, and for the rest of his life, unquestionably. He loves you, Eris. More than anything in this world. He’d do anything for you.”

“That’s the thing, Fred,” Eris exhales, fingers fumbling on the glass. “I know he would. And I don’t want him to. He’s come a long way to be where he is right now. I’m not messing it up.”

Freddie stares at Eris skeptically and much longer than usual, not a sound coming out from his mouth. He raises an eyebrow, finishing his second glass this evening.

“What are you planning to do, Eris Gray?” Voice accusing, Freddie folds his arms under his chest and patiently waited, hoping it’s not what he was thinking.

Seconds turned to minutes. The deafening silence wasn’t helping either. For a moment, Eris held her breath, thinking long and hard of this decision she was making. She was not one for impulsiveness, but this was the only solution she could think of, just so Roger could continue with Queen without any distractions.

“I haven’t told this to anyone yet…” Eris briefly closed her eyes, leaning against the couch before blurting it out. “I’m planning to study in the states while Rog works on his music with you guys. I was supposed to tell him tonight, but… this happened, and I think, maybe, this is better for the both of us, you know? Maybe it’s good that we part ways so he could focus more on his career and Queen.”

Freddie kept still for a while. Obviously, he wasn’t delighted with what he was hearing. “Right, so what are you saying?”

Eris sat quietly, not responding. Freddie furrows his eyebrows together, seeking answers before realizing what Eris is planning to do.

“You’re not leaving without telling him… are you?”

Again, Eris gives him no reply. She clasps her hands together and and held them against her lips, not daring to look at Freddie who was starting to have a headache.

“Eris…”

Eris purses her lips together and interrupts him. “I will tell him eventually, but not now.”

Freddie lets himself fall to the couch, dramatically sighing. He puts his arm against his forehead and shakes his head. “God, you’re going to kill him. He’s going to be crushed.”

Eris blinks her tears away before moving closer to Freddie. She reaches to his hand and grips on it. “Please take care of him.”

Freddie rolls his eyes. “You two are a handful, you know that?”

Eris giggles while tears sprung from her eyes, probably the third time this night. God, how much she’s going to miss Freddie, Brian, and John. But nothing aches more than knowing she won’t see Roger, her best friend, soulmate, the love of her life, in a very long time.

#queen #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #fanfic

[becausehesmyteacher]

Journal 03.07.17

LATE ASF IM AWARE So I dreamt of B again, we were sitting on the school bleachers just talking about anime and hockey and everything we havent been able to catch up on. It was amazing, so amazing i wasnt even sad when i woke up instead i was smiling while reminiscing about him. I attended classes as normal; nothing out of the usual happened. I mean during 9th period i stepped out to "go to the restroom" but i actually had to make a few calls to my dad and grandparents to make sure they were at school when it ended bc the school we were playing against was 30 minutes away and the game started 30 minutes after school. To make this clear, I was desperate to go to this game as it was where B is currently teaching and it was a chance to see him; Hes always putting it out there that he likes it way better at my school than where he was hired. Last year was his first year teaching so we were practically his first years. Too bad he got laid off at the end of last year so found a job at a nearby-ish school. So I took the long ride to the school, my grandmother doesn't like the freeway so we took the longest route possible. Luckily, I still got there on time, actually 4 minutes were still left before the game actually began when i stepped into the gym. Before that I was wandering around trying to find the gym since it wasnt labeled atop the door like my school and man the school is beautiful! I wondered how B could despise this place compared to my school. The quad was clean, the field was nearly 2x bigger than ours, and the gym is nicely set up. When I walked in there I saw the coaches who also happen to be my former teachers and right beside them on the bench was B! My heart swelled even if he was so far. I tried to act like i didnt notice when I sat on the far end of the gym. He got up and sat on the opposite end so I was staring at him for probably 30 seconds while asking myself "Am I gutsy? Am i gutsy enough to do that?" As i pondered the idea of going to say hi or perhaps even sitting besides him. I did. I got a burst of courage, Ill most likely never see him again I might as well take the chance. I stepped down from the bleachers and walked to the side that was closest to the doors. When my eyes landed on him I noticed he looked prominently different. When i had him last year he always kept his hair gelled up and his scruff shaved. But now he slicks back his hair and grew out his scruff to a beard. Not duck dynasty long but long enough for it to appear as a beard. I yelled him name and he looked over and he smiled. A smile i havent seen in nearly half a year. It was honestly the most beautiful thing ive seen in a while. I sat beside him and fist bumped him asking how he was doing. He say he was "eh" and in turn asked how Im doing as well. I said this year sucks, and that i hate it. His face contorted to look really concerned and asked whats the matter. I smiled and just wrote it off. Remember how I said this school was beautiful compared to my own? Well i confronted him about it and he went "Sure the school LOOKS nice but the kids are something else..." We both laughed at that and oh man I missed that. I missed us having moments together. The game started and he went "GO (my school)!!" His coworkers sighed, like theyve heard that repeatedly on a day to day basis. He turned to me and admitted that this was the first basketball game the whole year he attended. I asked him why if he always went when he used to teach at my school. He told me that he didnt care THAT much and its difficult since their games start nearly 2 hours after the end of school. At my school its only 30 minutes after. Kind of sad considering its a playoff game and its end of regular season. But Im glad he attended this one, its the only away game i considered attending for the sake of seeing him again. Throughout the game we talked about the players and how he had most of them, anime, and sports (ah fitting, no?). He remembered every single students he had on the team, he even texted the coaches to tell them to put his former students on the team. I couldnt tell if he was joking or not because he pulled out his phone and text messaging app but i turned away to keep from being nosy. I dont know how but i found a way to bring up how i finished a couple anime over a few weeks. He also finished a mutual anime and it turns out hes finishing up an anime i barely started. It has like 750 episodes fucken nerd i swear. I changed subject and poked fun at him and asked whats the difference between the students at my school and the ones over here. He sighed and was frank, "The kids here have no personality! They dont care about anything! Not sports, not video games, not anime! Like at your school you guys at least liked SOMETHING. You know how we have spirit week right? Well one of the days was sports day and barely anyone wore anything! Even on the Superbowl day no one cared!" I was surprised he cared that much about how students act, enough to be surprised no one cared for a sport he didnt enjoy. He rambled on and told me in highschool he used to play baseball and was the pitcher. He told me he hasnt really played since then so his aim must be bad but man that image of him as a baseball player is so cool. He is so cool. We talked about basketball (we were attending one after all) and i told him about how i played on an opposing team against these girls after school for fun and that theyre scary and aggresive even if theyre your friends. He laughed and agreed, he said that if he played these girls he would probably lose as well. That was the main points i could remember but we talked about miscellaneous things throughout and inbetween. I loved every second, his voice is the most beautiful thing ive heard in my life. And before I knew it the game was over, we lost by about 20 points, we were out of the playoffs. I shouldve been sad or frustrated but i wasnt! I walked down the bleachers with him with a smile on both of our faces. We stood in front of the bleachers and my current english teacher came up to us and joined our conversation. She laughed when she saw him and teased at him beard and hair. I wouldve been jealous but shes a middle aged woman that is married with children versus him whose single and in his 20s. I fist bumped her as well and i joked about "humanization" (a dumb joke about a meeting the teachers had about how if you interact with the students like handshakes or fistbumps will """humanize""" us students) B didnt get it so my english teacher explained and he was like "thats dumb lmao" and hes just the cutest man. We all talked for a bit before parting ways. He went out the side entrance and I went out the front entrance but just before we hit the door i saw him glacing at me before i looked back at him and waved my hand up high and yelled "It was nice seeing you B!" and he yelled back waving that it was nice that he saw me as well. I walked out and called my parents but couldnt come for another hour or so since they were at a casino that was a far distance. So i decided to explore the school since it was so pretty. I circled the building and i was singing loudly because i was so happy. I reached the back entrance and I made eye contact with a couple making out who was just staring at me because i was signing so loudly. I went silent for like 3 seconds then burst into laughter and yelled out "WHO CARES??" to myself and I began singing again. I never felt this content in my life. I reached the field and stood in one of the baseball fields they had and imagined B pitching a ball. I held onto that image for a while, there was no one in the field afterall so I was alone in my thoughts. I finally got up after a while and walked around the field and i was still bursting with energy due to being so overfilled with happiness i began running laps! Laps! You guys dont understand how un-athletic i am and to run laps voluntarily is rare. I ended up running 2 and a half laps. When i got tired i flopped down in the middle of the field and looked at the stars since it was practically night now. You could see more stars on this side of town than where i lived. It was amazing. I picked up one of those wish flowers and blew it with nothing in mind. This was the first time I couldnt think of anything to wish for. All ive been wishing for for these past months came true and i was the happiest girl alive at the moment. I whispered to him as if he were beside me, "I'm in love with you." I could swear my heart swelled 10x as big today. I havent seen him in months, 5 months to be exact, and seeing him revived feelings that were always going strong but just needed that little spark. Today the little spark was ignited. And i cant stop smiling now.

#journal #b #teacher crush #teacher crush community #tc #tcc #sorry for putting it in these tag guys but i hope you guus understand how happy I am right now #plus this journal was only supposed to be like 4 paragraphs but i got caught up in the memories