#it's so hard finding a new one that does the same type of therapy

[tightjeansjavi]

⟡ sentiments n’ bubbly ⟡

A/N: so, this one another one of my post shower thoughts that has now transformed into this little fic 🥹 this time of the year is a struggle for myself and for others, and I hope it can bring us all a bit of peace before the new year 🤍

~word count: 4.5k~

pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: it’s NYE and you find yourself in Joel Miller’s coffee shop. He’s a firm believer that no one deserves to spend New Year’s Eve alone.

Warnings: angst, fluff, no age gap, discussions of self image issues, bullying, food/eating, language, anxiety, fear of social situations, fomo, mentions of therapy, NYE blues, self deprecating thoughts, flirting, meet-cute, no outbreak/modern day AU, Sarah and Tommy exist in this universe, soft!joel, mentions of alcohol, reader has no physical descriptions such as body type or skin color, some content included may be triggering for some as Joel and the reader have some very real conversations about life. +18 minors dni!

It’s New Year's Eve. The official last day of the year. A whole 365 days has come and gone, and yet, you find yourself feeling the same way you did last year. It wasn’t like you had a particularly terrible life or anything of the sorts, but you still had your struggles. Your daily contemplations over whether you were doing enough, being enough in your little life. You try to focus on all the good that happened in those 365 days of life.

All the laughter, smiles, the warm fuzzy feelings that you found yourself chasing more often than none. The bad times always find their way to trickle in and weasel into your conscience like an infection. The truth is that you know life comes with both good and bad memories. But why is it so hard to push back the bad? Why is it so easy to beat yourself down? You could have done this better, you shouldn’t have said the things you said, did you remember to turn your out of office on before you left the office?

Shit. There was that one email I didn’t get to.

Maybe you find yourself trying to cram in as many last minute tasks before the new year. Closet clean out? You haven’t worn that sweater in months..yet, you find yourself holding onto it because it was a gift from a dear friend, and you don’t want to unintentionally hurt their feelings by donating or regifting it.

Fridge clean out? Well, it does say that horseradish never expires..but you can never be too careful!

Clean your living space from top to bottom? Maybe next year you’ll invest in cleaner products for both the earth and your brain cells. Bleach can be awfully nasty to deal with.

Your phone buzzes on the coffee table in front of you. Leftovers are your meal of choice for the evening. You spent hours cleaning your kitchen, and you’d rather not have to do another wipe down till tomorrow.

Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight? We’re leaving in an hour!

It's not that you don’t want to go out with your friends, it’s the steps before getting out the door that have always been a struggle for you.

What if my outfit doesn’t look the way I planned it out in my head?

What if I completely botch this makeup look?

What if the club is too packed?

You hate feeling this way, often thinking you’re a burden to your friends because you're constantly planning ahead of time. Living in the moment for you has always been tough. A gray area that sometimes you have found yourself making peace with, and other times you just wish you could be different.

You reach for your phone while you’re already mentally planning the steps in order to get ready in time. Being late is never an option, even when it’s just a fun night out in town.

Hey, I thought it over and I’d love to come out with you guys :) see you soon!

You send the text in a flash before tossing your half eaten slice of pizza onto the coffee table and rush to your room.

You tear up every inch of your closet looking for the perfect outfit. It's New Year’s Eve after all, and you want to be shimmering like a grand disco ball.

The outfit is on, and you look great! It turned out even better than you pictured it in your head. But the longer you stare in the mirror.

Fuck. Can’t I just turn my brain off for one night? Please?

And there it is, again. That gnawing little voice inside your head that pops up, gleaming and waving its hand just in case you forgot that it existed.

You aren’t actually going to wear that..are you?

It looks all wrong.

And you’re going to be freezing—

Your friends are going to look 10x better than you—

“ENOUGH!” You shout to no one in particular before you stomp off to the bathroom.

After taking a deep breath, you pull out your array of makeup from one of the bathroom drawers. Pinterest becomes your best friend again while you scroll to find a makeup look that screams you.

Bold. Glittery. Too much glitter?

There is never such a thing as too much glitter. You remind that little voice inside of your head.

Even with your ‘going out playlist’ on full blast, you feel your confidence begin to shrink and diminish as you stare at your painted face in the mirror. It’s not exactly like the picture you found on Pinterest, but there’s no time for you to change it now.

Your phone buzzes again, and this time it’s your friends sending you a group picture of all of them pregaming in their glittery outfits and bright smiles. You heart the message before typing back,

Wow, you guys look amazing! Please don’t be mad, I’m just not feeling up for it tonight. I hope you guys have a blast and stay safe! :)

Your friends understand, because they know that this has always been a struggle for you. A sore spot that hasn’t exactly quite healed the way you wish it had. It’s hard to dig yourself out of a hole that you dug, but you're grateful that they have always been so understanding.

No worries, we love you, and Happy New Year!

And all you feel is guilt.

But instead of wallowing away in your apartment, you grab your coat, purse and keys before making the final decision to go out.

You find yourself outside of a coffee shop just down the block from your apartment. You passed by it everyday during your commute to work, but you never found yourself going in, until now.

The coffee shop is found to be empty as most people are already out to dinner or at a party. It’s somewhat comforting that it’s just you and the lone barista who hadn’t heard you come in yet. His back is turned to you while he wipes down one of the counters, humming to himself as he moves about.

You're immediately drawn into how cozy everything feels. From the decor to the crackling fireplace to the soft music playing through the speakers.

The man turns then, towel gently grasped in his hand when he finally registers that he’s no longer alone. He takes in your attire, finding it odd that someone all dressed up for the evening found themselves here. Then he remembered how his daughter told him it’s rude to judge strangers because you never know what the next person is going through.

He smiles warmly instead. “Hey there, I was uh—jus’ about to close up for the evenin’ but can I get you anythin?’” He’s got a face that you already know you’re going to have a hard time forgetting. Strong built frame, yet soft in all the right places and despite his exterior appearing to be hardened, he seems friendly enough.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I hadn’t noticed that you were closing up for the night..I don’t want to keep you here. I can always come back another time?”

He detects the way your face slightly begins to fall as he lightly taps his fingers along the counter top he just finished wiping down. “S’alright. I forgot to change the sign out front so that’s all on me. So, what can I get ya? It’s on the house.” He gestured to the menu board above his head.

You hesitated for a moment as you didn’t want to inconvenience this man who probably had his own New Year’s Eve plans to get to. “Are you..sure? I really don’t mind coming back another day.”

“S’alright, I promise. I don’t have anywhere important I need to be anyway.” He said with a slight shrug.

“No fun New Year's Eve plans? And I’ll take a cappuccino, please.” You stepped closer to the counter as you reached into your purse for your wallet.

“Nah. ‘Supposed to meet my brother at a bar nearby for a couple drinks, but he can wait a little longer.” He was already reaching his hand out to stop you from pulling out your wallet, when your eyes met his.

“For the tip.” You said with a smile while placing a couple five dollar bills into the tip jar.

“Oh, thank you. ‘Awfully kind of ya.” He responds softly, out of surprise because most people never bothered to tip. He might even be blushing a little..but he can’t really tell. Maybe it was just the steam from the espresso machine.

“It’s no problem. Gotta support small businesses, y’know?”

He nods in understanding. “Yeah, it’s the least people can do. Anyway, I’ll get that Cappuccino goin’ for ya. Feel free to sit wherever.” He gestured to the empty tables.

The table closest to the fireplace ended up being the one you ultimately chose. It happened to also be his favorite spot as well, go figure.

On any other occasion, Joel would call the customer's name once their drink was ready, but given the current circumstances..and the fact that he hadn’t asked for your name, bringing the coffee to you was perfectly acceptable.

“Here’s that Cappuccino for ya.” His voice drawled above you as he set the mug down in front of you. “Let me know if I can getcha anythin’ else. I’ll just be in the back finishin’ up with the cleanin.’”

“Thank you..” you start to say before realizing that you don’t know this man’s name either.

“Joel.” He clears his throat. “My name is Joel, and you are?..”

You tell him your name and he nods with a small smile.

You're left alone to your thoughts as his footsteps disappear behind the countertop once more. You can faintly hear him busying himself and putzing around as your cappuccino begins to cool without you realizing it.

You find yourself vacantly staring through the windows, and the dimly lit streets and passerby’s. You’ve always had a fond love for people watching and imagining what their lives were like. What their jobs and aspirations were. Did they have a family waiting for them? What made them happy? Would they be able to relate to you?

You don’t even hear Joel’s approaching footsteps nearing the table until he’s saying your name with an edge of concern in his voice because you’ve neglected to have a single sip of your cappuccino that has now become room temperature.

Your eyes meet his deep brown warm ones as your own sense of confusion washes over you.

“Is everythin’ alright? You haven’t touched your cappuccino at all..” he’s not offended, nor hurt, but the empath in him is genuinely concerned, even though you’re just a stranger in his coffee shop.

“Oh.” Your voice falls flat. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I guess I got lost in my own thoughts and completely forgot about it.” You feel bad, awful actually because he took the time to make you this drink, and all you had to do was just drink it—

“Hey, it’s alright. I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts as well. But, I can’t have ya drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino. I’ll make you a new one, alright? It’s no trouble at all.” He’s already reaching over to grab the mug.

“Joel, are you sure? You really don’t have to—”

He cuts you off reassuringly, “I insist. I won’t have my customer drinkin’ a cold Cappuccino on my watch. Ain’t no way.”

He disappears back behind the counter before you are able to protest. Joel returns 10 minutes later with two mugs in hand. You listen to the sound of the chair across from you scraping before he slowly sits down.

“I uh—hope you don’t mind me joinin’ ya? You jus’ seem like you could use some company, darlin.’ S’that alright for me to call you darlin?’”

He’s sweet like warm sticky molasses and honey. He actually might be the nicest guy you’ve met in a long long time.

“Oh, I don’t mind at all, Joel. I could actually use the company, and you can call me darling. That’s alright with me too.”

He smiles at you over the rim of his mug that is clasped between his hands. He gently blows on the billowing steam before he takes a small sip. “So, do you have any fun plans for the evenin’? I’m only assumin’ cus’ you’re all dressed up for a night out in town.” He gestures to your glittery getup that sparkles under the warm flames.

“Well, I did have plans to meet up with some friends tonight..but I wasn’t feeling up for it in the end and somehow ended up here.” You said with a sigh before taking a sip of your own Cappuccino. “This is delicious, by the way.”

“How come?..if ya don’t mind me askin?’ And I’m glad you’re enjoyin’ it. Tastes a lot better when it’s hot.”

The last thing you expected tonight was to engage in a conversation about your daily anxieties with this absolutely gorgeous man. Whom you just met, but crazier things have happened before.

“I don’t mind you asking, Joel. I just don’t want to burden you with my troubles or anything. Especially since I think they’re a bit silly and blown out of proportion.” Your eyes casted downwards into the mug.

“Hey, I doubt you can do that, and between you and me? I’ve heard it all. Got a teenage daughter who’s goin’ through all the things that I’m tryin’ to understand..but as a single father, it’s fuckin’ tough sometimes. But I’d be happy to act as a listenin’ ear for ya.” He genuinely means it, too.

“You have a daughter? How old is she? Teenagers can be a handful, that is very true.” You responded thoughtfully while leaning back against the chair.

You watch the way his eyes light up like a Christmas tree when you show a genuine interest in this man’s life. It’s sometimes a rare occurrence to meet a stranger who you feel like you can just immediately open up to without thinking too hard about it.

“She just turned 13 this year. She’s a good kid, super smart. The kinda kid that probably will end up growin’ up and changin’ the world. She’s..well, my world.” He clears his throat and you notice his dimple poking out in his cheek.

As if this man couldn’t become any more attractive.

“Anyway, she’s already goin’ through some friend and boy drama and it’s jus’ a lot to keep up with. Her mom ain’t in the picture either, so it’s not like I can turn to her for any guidance. She went to her first ever school dance this year in a dress that she picked out. The next thing I know, she’s callin’ me up in tears because some kids thought it was okay to make fun of how she looked. I know kids can be mean sometimes, but I wanted to go in there and teach those little shits a lesson myself.”

He was quite the protective father.

“Kids can be real bitches sometimes, Joel. I never quite understood it myself. Especially since I’m sure your daughter was just minding her own business and having a good time? I learned at a very young age that there’s a lot of jealous people in this world that enjoy causing pain in others for no apparent reason.They might have their own struggles, but that is no justification. Those kids that bullied your daughter will hopefully learn from their mistakes sooner rather than later.”

“She was just mindin’ her own and having a great time. She was so excited to wear her dress. It jus’ makes me so goddamn angry because I can’t protect her from everythin’ out there. It’s somethin’ that I’ve really struggled with this year especially. And I’ve tried to talk to my brother about it, but he doesn’t get it either.” Joel said with a sigh. “I’m glad that you can understand all of this though. I don’t really have any female friends to talk to about this stuff either.”

“Most kids grow out of their ‘mean’ phase after highschool. I can admit that I went through a phase similar to that. Made a lot of mistakes that I had to hold myself accountable for. But, with your love and support, I think your daughter is gonna end up being okay. She’s lucky to have you as a dad.” You reassure him.

“Really? You don’t seem like the type of person to ever hurt someone..then again, I ain’t perfect either. Never have been, never will. I’ve had my own regrets as well. But, I appreciate all that you’re sayin.’ S’Nice to be validated every now and then.” He leans forward with his elbows resting along the table and you’re just beginning to notice how broad his shoulders truly are under his faded flannel.

“I don’t think anyone can ever claim to be perfect. We don’t know everything and can make genuine mistakes. But all we can really do is learn from them, make it up to the people we may have hurt, and move forward. I think you’re a really nice person, based on our conversation, Joel.”

“You’re right, darlin.’ No one in this world can claim they are perfect. It's impossible.” His knee brushed yours gently from how close he was leaning in giving you a clear indication that he was actively listening to everything you were saying. “Anyway, I’m sorry I went off on that tangent jus’ now when we were talkin’ about your New Year’s Eve plans.”

“Dammit.” You sighed with a smile tugging on your lips. “I thought you forgot all about that.”

“Nah. I’m pretty good at rememberin’ even if I find myself havin’ to circle back. So, you didn’t feel up to meeting’ your friends tonight?”

“I was going to, truly. But I just got into my head way too much. It started with finding an outfit to wear. I absolutely tore my closet up and I’m really dreading having to clean it up later. Anyway, I’ve got the outfit on, right?”

He nods while taking another sip of his Cappuccino.

“I’m feeling great, and loving the way the outfit looks on me, and then there’s that stupid mean voice inside my brain. You know the one?”

“Ahh yeah. The voice that tells us that we’re unattractive and worthless? Like when we put on our favorite outfit and it’s not fitting quite right, and we know it’s silly to cry over clothes..but sometimes we just can’t help it? And that voice is right there beating us down because sometimes we forget that it’s natural for our bodies to change?”

Damn, he’s good.

“So...you hear that voice sometimes too? I honestly thought I was alone in this feeling. I tend to keep these thoughts to myself because I don’t want to burden others, y’know? I do see a therapist, though. It definitely has helped a lot, but I’m still struggling.”

“Darlin,’ I know exactly where you’re comin’ from. I had these favorite pairs of jeans that I would wear pretty much everyday. Well, just this past month I found that they ain’t fittin’ the way they used to. The zipper wouldn’t budge, and then I spent a good hour tryin’ all the tricks in the book to get those suckers to fit. Well, none of it worked and then I started beatin’ myself up. Sayin’ all the nasty names I could come up with. Then after all of that, I thought about all the delicious meals I had this year and especially these damn ice cream sundaes that my kid is obsessed with. Suddenly, the jeans not fittin’ didn’t bother me as much anymore.”

“Ice cream sundaes are delicious, and even more-so when you are enjoying them with your daughter. I pretty much went through the exact thing that you’re describing. I know that we shouldn’t give into the societal bullshit of looking a certain way to appear more attractive, but it’s just hard sometimes. That’s why I try to cycle through my closet every now and then so I’m not holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit me anymore. Did you end up keeping the jeans?..”

“She’s been requestin’ them for dessert pretty much every night, and I have a hard time tellin’ her no. They are absolutely delicious. It is definitely hard to pass them up sometimes. It’s comforting to know that other people go through the exact same thing that we’ve gone through. I did in fact donate the jeans, and then bought a new pair the same day. Wearin’ ‘em now actually, and I gotta say, I think I look quite good in ‘em if I do say so myself.” He said in a cheeky tone that sent heat rising on your cheeks.

“Well, I think you should stand up, if you feel comfortable doing so, that is, and let’s see what this jeans talk is all about.”

He grins at you, eyebrows playfully dancing while he sets his mug down along the table before pushing his chair back to stand up.

He gives you a little spin, one that neither you were expecting, but you could tell that he was having fun showing off his new denim.

“Okay, respectfully? Those jeans look amazing on you, they are very flattering, Joel.”

He laughs a warm and hearty laugh as his cheeks turn beet red from your words. Even if you’re just playing along, he’s feeling charmed by your presence.

“Really? Y’know, I was thinkin’ the same thing and a’that..but I’m a pretty humble guy.” He said sheepishly.

“Joel, screw being humble. You’re wearing those jeans like they’re made for you! You gotta own that.” You said with a giggle.

“Alright. Alright. If ya say so, darlin.’ I appreciate the compliment, but have ya taken a look at yourself tonight? You’re glitterin’ like a goddamn mirror ball. Gonna blind me with all that sparkle Y’got goin’ on.” He’s flirting, now. He’s absolutely shamelessly flirting with you.

You find yourself leaning forward then, close enough that he can see the pretty shimmer painted on your eyelids and your undeniable flirty smile.

“Joel, are you flirting with me right now?” You’re feeling bold, and curious to know if you were reading the signs correctly, or letting your brain run a muck in theories.

“I am, darlin.’ Is that..alright? Cus’ if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I can stop.”

“No, please continue to flirt away. I’m glad that you’re getting to see my outfit, Joel. I probably have glitter in places where glitter doesn’t belong.” You said with a light, airy laugh.

“You’ll be finding little bits of glitter all over the place well within the next year. Do you have any to spare?” He asked with a warm chuckle.

“Actually..I do have some to spare.” You reached for your purse along the side of the chair and pulled out your tube of glitter eyeshadow that you had brought just in case you needed any touch ups. “May I?”

“Oh, you really weren’t kiddin’ when you said you have some to spare, huh?” He leaned in closer to get a better look. “That’s a really pretty color, darlin.’ You think I can pull that off?”

“I don’t kid when it comes to my glitter, Joel.” You said teasingly. “I absolutely think you can pull this color off. But, I’ll need you to close your eyes so I can apply this more eveningly.”

“Okay, I’m trustin’ you, darlin.’” He slowly closed his eyes then and only flinched a little when he felt the applicator glide across his eyelid. “Sorry, wasn’t it expectin’ to feel that damn cold.” He murmured softly.

“No worries, Joel. It can be a bit ticklish at times.” You scooted your chair in closer to him so both of your knees were tucked in between his as you delicately applied the shimmering shadow. Your tongue was peeking out between your lips as you focused on the task at hand.

He tried to peek his eye open once, before you playfully scolded him and said, no peeking.

To which he grumbled out a response with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Am I pretty yet, darlin?’” He asked with his eyes still shut as you admired your work.

“Very pretty, Joel. Okay, you can go ahead and open them.” You pulled out a little handheld mirror from your purse and held it out for him to admire his appearance.

He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the feeling before he averted his attention to the mirror you were holding. “Oh, shit. Wow. Y’know what..I actually think I like it.” He looked over at you then before he realized how close you were sitting to him. “Thank you, darlin’ I feel like I’m a mirror ball too.”

“It really brings out your eyes, Joel. They were already pretty before, but now, they’re even more beautiful.”

You were already forgetting about how awful you felt earlier, and the guilty feelings for turning down your friend's offer to go out. It admittedly felt nice to talk to another person that shared more things in common with you than you realized. To be validated, and in turn, validate someone as well? It felt really, really good inside.

“So, now that we’re both glittered up, and it’s two hours till the start of the new year, would you maybe care to join me for a drink? Only if you’re feeling up for it, that is.” Joel asked you with his eyes flickering back to yours. Truthfully, he’s happy that you somehow found yourself in his coffee shop tonight. He can’t remember the last time he’s connected with someone on such a deep and personal level.

“I’d love to get a drink with you, Joel.” You don’t even second guess your answer, and if the feelings come up later, so be it. That little voice inside of your head is nowhere to be found as Joel offers you his arm.

You help him finish closing up for the night before the two of you find yourselves walking arm in arm to the bar that his brother Tommy was at. During your walk, you find yourselves falling back into conversation that flows easy like a steady stream. When you bring up feeling guilty for often being a homebody, he reassures you that wanting to spend a quiet evening with yourself is perfectly normal, and it’s something you shouldn’t feel ashamed of. He goes on to add that if you want to go out more, that’s perfectly okay to do as well. But you should never pressure yourself to go out and have a good time, if that’s truly not what you want to do.

And when you find Joel’s brother at the high top with a glass of bubbly in front of him, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, “Joel, what is that on your face?” He leans in close to inspect the glitter shadow painted on Joel’s eyelids.

You and Joel turn to one another with two knowing smiles plastered on your faces before you laugh in unison, “it’s glitter, of course!”

banners made by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🤍

I no longer have a tag list so please follow @tightjeansjaviupdates for fic updates and notifications!

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel the last of us #joel miller one shot #joel miller comfort #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller oneshot #joel last of us #joel x reader #joel x you #joel miller fic #joel tlou #joel/you #joel/reader #no outbreak!joel miller #joel miller au #joel miller story

[moonlit-positivity]

Healing & Emotional Work Masterlist✨

Hi, my name is Stinky & here's a post introducing myself & my blog✨

Listed below are all individual posts that I have written about my own journey with healing from an abusive childhood✨

As always, take what you like & leave what you don't ✨

Happy healing ☺️

Resources & Coping Skills✨

New To Mental Health? Please Start Here!

How To Find The Right Therapist For You

"Trauma Informed" Therapy vs Other Types of Therapy

What is a Boundary?

How to Recognize When You Need To Set A Boundary

Coping with Flashbacks & Panic Attacks & Overwhelming Feelings

An Introduction to Emotional Regulation

What is Emotional Regulation & Why it's Important (Video)

What is Attachment Theory & Why it's Important (video)

What The Actual Fuck is "Radical Acceptance" and Why Is It So Goddamn Hard (video)

Managing Suicidal Thoughts (shorthand edition)

Tips for Navigating A Crisis Situation

✨Journaling✨: What To Do When You Just Can't Write It Out

How To Stay Organized & Make Your Appointments Through Long Term Dissociation Fogs

An Introduction to Healthy Sexual Boundaries

Feeling 🤬 Destructive? 😤 Healthier Activities for Destructive Tendencies

How to Set Better Goals For Yourself

Facts About Therapy You Might Not Know

Recognizing Abuse: What is Generational Trauma? (Video)

Recognizing Abuse: Trauma Bonding (no, this doesn't mean you bonding with your homies about the same types of trauma y'all share)

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Takeovers 

Recognizing Abuse: Emotional Abuse

Recognizing Abuse: Love vs Control vs Obsession

Recognizing Abuse: Parentification

Recognizing Abuse: Triangulation

Effects of Abuse: PTSD Hypervigilance

Effects of Abuse: Redefining Respect After You've Been Abused

Effects of CSA & SA That Nobody Ever Talks About

Effects of Trauma That Never Get Acknowledged Out Loud 

Healing Thoughts: Understanding Grounding & Dissociation on a Deeper Level

Healing Thoughts: How to actually feel ur feelings 

Healing Thoughts: How to tolerate being alone with your thoughts

Healing Thoughts: When showering & hygiene is too hard

What the heck is emotional work?✨

Healthier ways to communicate

The root of all healing work (tldr it's ur childhood 🎉)

Attachment theory healing (codependency, enmeshment, & BPD FP attachment)

Attachment & abandonment wounds (BPD FP)

Three short communication tips that can greatly improve your interpersonal relationships

Rejection Sensitivity, Perfectionism, & Abandonment Issues

Am I Being Manipulative? A Checklist of Recognizing Manipulative Behaviors and Taking Accountability

Get To Know The Healing Language ✨

In order to heal you must grieve

What does it mean to "make space" for yourself?

What is "inner child healing"?

How to be kinder with yourself

Unlearn what they taught you

Reframe success & failure (if you have a fear of failure then this one is for you ❤️‍🩹)

Reframe your anger

Reframe the process of moving on

Focus on what you can control

Affirmations & things you need to hear (just trust me)✨

affirmations for reclaiming your voice around authority figures

affirmations for RSD

affirmations for feeling ur feelings

affirmations for self forgiveness

affirmations for healing from childhood trauma

affirmations for healing codependency & attachment (BPD FP)

things I wish I knew before I started healing (part 1)

things I wish I knew before I started healing (part 2)

things I learned while healing

things your inner child needs to hear

you are normal

slow down and take a deep breath

you can move now. you are safe.

I believe you

yes it was that bad

your anger is valid

you need to hear this (trust me)

How to start healing? Start with the truth✨

the very first hard reality you need to face 

the second hard reality that's gonna hit you like a train 

the third and worst hard reality there is

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Looking forward to updating the list as we grow 🪴

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #bpd #communication #relationships #personal growth #growth #advice #self love #self esteem #self work #emotional work #anger #addiction #alcoholism #attachment #codependency

[seleniangnosis]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓻?

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've been around with a PAC reading, so I decided to do something , to let everyone know that 1. I'm still alive, and 2. I haven't given up tarot 🌸🤍

Tarot readings do not replace therapy and/or have to be taken as the absolute truth, so consume responsibly and take what resonates !

Reblogs are appreciated 💌🌟

Pile 1 🤍🌸

Card to represent your energy: The star

Additional cards: 9 of swords rx, ace of swords,  the world, the hermit, 7 of wands

The star and the 2 sword cards makes me go into the direction of mental health and new way of seeing the world. Worries, stress and anxious feelings are diminished and replaced by a clear thinking rooted in reality, rather than overthinking.

If mental health imorovement does not resonates with you, this could be as well talking about a positive change in terms of growth and overcoming a difficult life challenge. You've ended a chapter and gained all the information you needed to become self reliant and confident. You're no longer drowning in fears, doubts and unrealistic thinking patterns.

Whether it was your mental health or a life situation, this has shaped your personality, so now , instead of the passive attitude you might have had, you gained a newfound sense of self which serves you the right way 🤍

Pile 2 🤍🌸

Card to represent your energy: 4 of swords

Additional cards: 10 of swords, 8 of swords rx , 5 of pentacles, the star, 3 of wands, knight of swords

I can see so many different scenarios in this pile ... I'll start with facing a closed door whenever you wanted to take an opportunity and get into a more favourable environment. Some of you might have felt like you hit rock-bottom really hard because... life , and life sucks sometimes. These situations might have left you discouraged to try again or rethink your strategy of approach.

For others could have been the fact that you couldn't actually change the element that was bringing you down. You had to endure it until you got a " right time " to act .

Now, you might find a plan, or you already have one, on how to change this and turn your fate around. Instead of feeling doom all over you, you gained some hope and a vision.

This will be something you initiate, you've prepared or are planning it still, but it's not going to be some changes that happen randomly. You will initiate the change.

Pile 3 🤍🌸

Card representing your energy: 9 of cups

Additional cards: 7 of swords, 10 of cups rx, king of pentacles, the devil, 8 of wands, 9 of swords.

When I saw the cards, my mind immediately went " toxic family " , " cutting family ties " . Now ... don't leave your family because some tarot girl on tumblr told you so, it just that I'm seeing some sort of toxic bond here, and self fulfilment after the situation is being dealt with. It could as well be related to you being able to support yourself without help from your family who might have been shaming you for relaying on them . It could be an emotional distance from your family that you take because they don't get you.

For others it could be a member of the family who decided to leave , or just someone who lived in the same house as you. If its a divorce... I'm sorry for everyone and I hope that things will get better soon for you ❤.

This reading has a lot of toxic, unwanted, delusional, shameful actions, mental escapism type of energy all around it.

I'm sorry I couldn't help more, buy yeah... your pile has a lot of fluctuating, uncertain energies around it.

#tarot reading #pac reading #free tarot reading #tarot spreads #tarot cards #tarot pac #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a pile reading #tarotcommunity #tarotonline #tarotblr

[adhbabey]

Artic Spectrum, High Artic, Low Artic and No Artic

What is the artic spectrum? Artic is short for "articulation", the loss of articulation in this sense, is similar to the loss of speech, and varies between many different people for many different reasons. I have coined this term as a replacement for "nonverbal", as those communities do not wish speaking people to use that term. This term is for any person who experiences some type of speech loss, struggle or any other form of loss of communication. This term is not meant to speak over any nonverbal person, and is instead to give a word to those who fall outside of non-speaking, yet cannot speak all the time, for whatever reason.

What does the artic spectrum encompass? Anyone who has varying levels of articulation, and for some, that may change depending on the day, month, whatever. These terms are especially made for systems who have alters who cannot speak, vocalize or articulate, while other members of the system can. But anyone can use them, and you can use these terms depending on how you feel, according to the day.

Why call it "artic"? I was searching for terms that are simple, yet easy to understand and vocalize. I felt the definition of articulation, the formation of clear and distinct sounds in speech, to be appropriate towards coining a new term. Artic does not mean the same exact thing, but it means to be an umbrella term for those who can speak sometimes, but not all the time, for whatever reason. So a fluid spectrum to making noise to not being able to make any, I find this term appropriate.

High Artic Flag

html color codes: FFDDA1, F9AF82, D7595B, AE3861

Warm colors are meant to represent the ability to vocalize as much as one wants. Such things, as hot soup or tea, are meant as a cure for things like a sore throat. Its only appropriate that the flag colors are warm.

This term is meant for a day or period of time where you feel vocal and ready to speak, perhaps even hyperverbal. Some people may feel this more than others. Some alters, may be more on the high artic, than low.

Low Artic Flag

html color codes: D4EFFC, C0CDF0, 66ABCB, 4775B8

Cold colors are reminiscent of the arctic, which reminds me of this word. And when you're cold, you may stutter or struggle to speak, so that's how this feels like. You just can't seem to warm up your vocal cords, no matter how hard you try.

This term is meant for those who often struggle to speak, only able to get a few words or sounds out, whether its the full person or an alter. You may even feel like its hard to speak your native language. But as these terms are fluid, it can be depending on day to day, but it doesn't have to be.

No Artic Flag

html color codes: EBDEFA, BDCDE4, 614A96, 423454

There isn't a super specific reason why it's purple, but the colors in the flag are almost black and white, along with an icy cold blue. The icy blue is supposed to be a call back to the low artic flag, if you don't have any artic, you are in the low category anyway. I felt the deep dark purple, was almost black. If you can't speak, for whatever reason, it may feel suffocating like the color black. Or empty, void of noise, like the color white.

This is meant for people who lose speech entirely for a period of time, or has an alter who cannot speak at all. This can happen during stressful moments, this can be because of a specific disorder, this can happen due to anxiety, really any sort of way. Loss of speech is scary, but you can use this term to help communicate that.

You can also refer to yourself as "non artic", if you'd like.

Artic Spectrum Flag

html color codes: C4D8C3, B0E6D4, 68A292, 3C8A8A

Green is a neutral color between warm and cool. So it's appropriate that the spectrum would be neutral to both.

This term of artic spectrum is meant for someone like me, who grew up in intensive speech therapy, and has alters with varying levels of verbality, so developing different parts of me, meant that some of us can speak better than others. Some of us can barely speak at all. So, if you've had a similar experience, or just need terms like this to describe your experience, go for it. It's good to have a way to communicate something that you feel like you haven't been able to. Especially if your speech loss is fluid, or from alter to alter, like mine. It's meant for anyone who has varying levels of speech, especially if you don't know why. These terms are for you.

Please be kind, and this is for people who feel like other terms are a mouthful, but don't know an easy way to describe their experience. Speech is complex, especially if you grew up not knowing the right way to. Or if you have a speech impediment, like me. And if you can't pronounce this right, no worries, you can just make an emoji or type it down, or something. Or you can just say it differently and that's completely fine. I hope this works for those who need it.

#babey posts #coining labels #coining #artic spectrum #artic spectrum flag #low artic #high artic #no artic #speech loss #struggling to speak #verbality #loss of verbality #flags #loss of communication #feel free to use these tags but either credit me or link back to this post #or just write my username. no need to @ me #this also includes those of us with aphasia. i see you and im with you

[winterspiderpurrs]

So, this has been in my head for a while, and when you asked for prompts I got so excited, because I love your writing so much!

What if Tony had the reputation of always having younger partners, never underage, but some people still judged since they where around the age of his son Harley, so when Harley slept with his father's partner people bat an eye. Now what if Harley had a boyfriend no one knew about, Peter, whom he obviously cheated on. Peter didn't know who Harley's father was (somehow idk) and Tony and Peter end up meeting somewhere, and although they are not looking for a relationship they do sleep with eachother as well as talk about their situations, never naming anyone. Somehow Harley finds out, could be Tony presenting Peter as his partner after a few months OR Harley gets married with Tony's ex partner, and Tony doesn't want to go alone, so he invites Peter.

Sorry for the delay! I typed it up and just now realized I never posted! Hope you like it! @no-name-for-me

****************************************************

Who knew this was where he would be this time of year. Things were finally going right for Peter. After two horrible depressing years, Peter had finally broken up with his boyfriend Harley. There were too many fights, cheating, telling Peter that he wasn't good enough, not good enough in bed, good enough in his career, not good enough to bring home to meet his family.

Sure, Peter knew he was worth more than what Harley had said, but it was so hard to get over the hurtful words and actions of his partner. Never had dated really before he found Harley. It was great in the beginning as it always went, but after a few months, Peter was willing to overlook all the problems so he wouldn't be lonely.

But after catching Harley again, on his birthday no less, cheating on him in HIS bed? In HIS apartment. Well. Enough was enough finally.

Peter kicked Harley out, then once hisblease was up, gotten a new place, changed his phone number, and started seeing a therapist. Which is funnily enough where he meets his current boyfriend. Tony Stark.

Tony Stark has a reputation, a revolving door of women in his life. At one point, when he was younger, he was more of a partier. The drugs didn't help his reputation. That wasn't him anymore. The truth is harder to be seen. Sure, Tony went out on lots of dates, but most of those have been set up by friend of a friend.

Some are just more about networking. But every time he thought about getting serious with someone? To be exclusive- he finds his partner either trying to swindle money or secrets. But recently, it's his own son Harley who has become the problem. His past 5 prospects have all been caught with his son in various states of dress in his penthouse. And the last one? Well, Harley now claims to be in love with, and they were going to get married.

That was the turning point for Tony. He decided to get sober, and start therapy again. It was fate that one day he was running late and ran into someone as he was exiting the elevator. Big brown doe eyes catching his eyes.

Then it became a thing he noticed, and while they didn't attend the same doctor, they were in the same shared practice. They started running into each other more. Eventually, the conversation started, and they just clicked.

Short run in in the waiting room turned into lets get coffee before, to lets do lunch, to hey lets do dinner. Which lead into.

" My kid is getting married. Its a complicated situation, but I would love it if you went with me"

" Of course Tony! I remember you telling its the ex too.. I'll be with you the whole time. "

Then the wedding day. Peter waited outside of the church for Tony to text him when he could come in. Tony was currently helping the grooms side get ready before guests arrive.

" This is pathetic even for you. What are you doing here?"

Peter freezes when he hears that voice in that town. He puts his phone in his pocket, frowning before turning to look at Harley.

" I'm hear at the request of my partner. What are you doing here?"

Peter can feel his phone vibrate in his pocket but he ignores it. Harley was dressed up in a suit. Was he a groomsman in this wedding? Its possible.

" I'm getting married. She is a model. "

Peter blinks and stares.

" No.... wait your Tony's son? The son who slept with his father's girlfriend? Oh my god..."

Harley frown, that wasn't public knowledge, and even then how did Peter know who his Father was? He made sure they never met.

" How do you know that? Why are you here?"

Peter rolls his eyes and puts his hand on his hip.

" I already told you. I'm here with my partner, I'm his plus one. Has all that ego blocked your hearing?"

Harley narrows his eyes. Peter has never talked back to him like this except the first few months they were together.

" What's going on here?"

Harley looks over at his father as he walks down the steps meet them.

" This father is my sorry excuse of an ex. Claiming he was invited to my wedding. Honestly just a pathetic reason to try to get me back."

" I wouldn't want you back even if you were the last human on earth"

Tony looks between the two blinking.

" Wait hold the phone. This is the asshole ex who verbally abused you and cheated on you almost the whole time you were together?"

Harley looks between Tony and Peter with a bewildered look on his face.

" Yes he was. And as I told him. I am here with my partner. So Harley. If you will excuse us, WE are going to take our seats"

" ..what"

Peter walks over to Tony and wrapped his arm around Tony's arm. He leans over and kisses Tony's cheek. " Let's go inside and find our seats"

There Tony and Peter enter the church, leaving a stunned Harley outside. The wedding continues on, and with minimal scandal. If you don't count Tony and Peter getting caught making out and maybe a little bit more.

The news report skim over the wedding of Harley Stark and focuse more on the fact that THE Tony Stark is off the market, with a much younger MAN. And said man sporting a brand new ring that definitely was not on his finger at the start of the reception.

#writing prompt #prompt answered #thanks for the ask! #tony stark/peter parker #tony stark x peter parker #starker #starker prompt #winterspiderpurrs

[traumatizedjaguar]

Hi I love your blog, a lot. Still processing some horrific things of my own. How do you get through the darkest moments? I hate mine.

Honestly for me how I got through some dark moments...

Music. Usually a technique I learned from therapy was putting music on that was the opposite of my current emotion; if I was sad or depressed or whatever I'd put happy tunes on or if I was angry, calming tunes. Sometimes finding music that allowed me to let out emotions too like if I was angry I'd listen to a few angry songs from Slipknot for example and have a little session to myself, then I'd go relax. Music affects my mood, but it's not like that for everyone. I made a playlist for "abuse recovery" meaning the songs are more uplifting, makes me feel like a warrior.

Survivors stories. Listening to others stories of their complex abuse they've been through and saving them all in a word document to go back to later. Finding people I relate to who've been through the EXACT same abuse I have been through. It helps finding out you're not the only scapegoat or you're not the only one with many abusers and rapists. It helps to know I've met people with 15, 16, 18, and 25 abusers before.

Meditation. It sounds stupid to most people but if you research the affects meditation has on the human body and brain when you use it daily or on a consistent schedule in the long-term, it's amazing to know what it does for you. It's hard at first, but eventually you get used to it. And sometimes I have a focus point when meditating, such as listening to my breathing going in and out in a quiet space so my thoughts don't drift; because drifting thoughts or worrying isn't meditating so like I said, it's hard at first. But your mind gets so used to it after awhile.

Changing my environment. I've rearranged my whole room, put posters up, painted it so it feels like I'm in a different house sometimes. Adding something new and different to your life like a hobby or something you've never tried and do it often, it can be a good distraction. I like using distractions often.

(TW: God mention. Skip this paragraph if needed be. This one might just be me) Putting my faith in God Our Creator and having had many communications with him before. Sharing my space with him, inviting him on walks with me, telling him about my day although he sees everything I do, and asking him about his "day". I got into talking to Norse gods and the Creator and it has helped so much knowing a divine entity who created everything in the universe wants me to be safe and heal and actually told me this in many ways; who tells me he loves me and knows I'm a very loved good soul in his eyes. (I try but never feel that way).

Doing the scary thing and reaching out. I have reached out to people and told them my story and told them about my abusers and they've believed me. Focusing only on the ones who believed me even though my story is insanity with abusive parents, abusive brother and abusive exes who all smear campaigned me and many of them raped me too. No matter how much complex abuse, there was people out there and other victims who took my side. I only focus on the good ones, not the bad ones who don't believe me. Because once I shut out EVERYONE except the good ones, then my world only has love in it.

>>Making word documents for healing. I learned I was in a freeze state recently and I've been teaching myself about it through online trauma therapists (I'm so happy to be living in the digital age) and I've learned about it and I'm doing the work necessary everyday to teach my brain different and rewire it. It's also why I shut down around abusers and can barely speak even when I want to.

>>Trauma therapists: Crappy Childhood Fairy, Patrick Teahan to name a few. Patrick Teahan helped me so much specifying types of sibling abuse that were SO SPECIFIC to what ive been through and scapegoating in family systems, he taught me about how some family systems gang up against one family member (so like 6 family members for example, against one of the kids in order to scapegoat properly there's many abusers in most situations) and how im not the only one with many abusers in one family and im not the only scapegoat. He also made videos that were WAYYYY to specific to the abuse I endured and wayyyy to specific to the behaviors and belief system my abusers held. He has so many great videos for people like me. First time I listened to a few of his videos on family abuse, I was overwhelmed with emotion and joy and it made my heart and stomach flutter. I love Patrick Teahan so much and hes a real therapist too.

Make stuff, build stuff, start projects.

#my text #asks #cptsdhealing #cptsd recovery #ptsd recovery #childhood trauma #trauma therapists #trauma specialists

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, Kait! This is very specific but I woke up from my nap and my imagination chose angst—

So let's say instead of being his game tester, MC is Ray's assistant. She's a Mint Eye believer who began to admire him for his hard work and devotion to paradise, trying her best to get closer to him. At first, Ray is hesitant, but accepts the affection offered to him anyway, and sooner rather than later they both end up developing romantic feelings for each other.

Their love grows stronger than their blind "faith" in Mint Eye and the savior, and watching the other take the elixir (and suffer the consequences) goes from something "painful but necessary" to something unbearable, neither of them can stand idly by while the other sufferd.

Just like in his route, Ray starts keeping secrets and lying to the savior to prevent MC from drinking the elixir and/or being taken to the basement. For her part, MC begins to believe that the best thing for Ray would be to take him away from Magenta. Of course Rika finds out, locks and tortures Ray in the basement and Suit Saeran wakes up.

Suit Saeran fails to break MC's spirit or convince her to go back to being the obedient believer she once was, so she ends up in the basement after the most painful cleansing ceremony she's ever had. As happens in BR2, Saeran/Ray decides to free her, apologizing for not being able to make her happy and drugs her with sleeping pills to take her to an unknown apartment, far from Magenta.

Two, maybe three years go by, and MC remains in the same apartment living a relatively "normal" life, managing to get a job and going to therapy, but of course dealing with PTSD after all that happened. Nor has she been able to forget Ray or Saeran, she still loves them and lives with the constant anguish of not knowing their whereabouts. She would like to believe that they managed to escape Mint Eye on their own and are free, but the looming possibility that they have died haunts her every day, preventing her from truly being happy.

Then, a day like any other, she decides to go for ice cream and finds those mint eyes that she adores so much. Even with red hair, the face of her loved ones is unmistakable. It's a dream, MC thinks, it has to be, but she can't take her eyes off him, afraid that if she does, this apparition will disappear. Their eyes meet and they both get uncomfortable, MC doesn't know whether to run away or get closer, while SE Saeran doesn't understand why this stranger looks at him like... like Saeyoung looked at him (and sometimes still does) when they met again.

MC has a nervous breakdown and runs away, but later, much later, after calming down, she finds herself crying again, but this time with relief. Regardless of who the host was, he's alive, alive and out of Mint Eye, looking healthier than ever, and for the first time in a long time MC can say she's feeling genuinely happy. She's oblivious to the news about the fall of Mint Eye because she stays away from that type of media, since it can overwhelm her, that's the reason why the whole situation takes her so by surprise. However, even though she feels selfish in doing so, she tries to approach SE Saeran once more, see his face and hear his voice once more, or so she tells herself but they continue to meet until they form a somewhat strange but lovable friendship.

MC discovers that the body's new host calls himself 'Saeran', but knows that this Saeran is not the same as she once knew. She becomes more and more curious about him, and at some point her friendly affection turns into something romantic, but not because SE Saeran looks and sounds identical to the men she loved, but because of himself, she falls in love with that boy whose life persists despite the countless number of times his heart has been broken, the lover of clouds and ice cream, the Saeran Choi in front of her.

SE Saeran reciprocates her feelings, but neither of them do anything about it, no, they are both too scared, at least at first. SE Saeran is afraid of hurting MC and MC is afraid that Saeran will think she sees him as a replacement. It gets to the point where MC can no longer deal with her emotions and has a talk with SE Saeran where she tells him everything, about her being a former Mint Eye believer, about what happened with Ray and the other Saeran, about her feelings for he. It's a complicated, painful conversation to have, but also necessary. I think SE Saeran would be surprised, but also that he is vaguely aware of Suit Saeran's existence, though not Ray's.

Probably not at that moment, but they both establish an unspoken relationship, there are no labels but they both know that they love each other, what they have is not "normal", but it's theirs and it makes them happy.

Then SE Ray and Grave wake up. I think Ray would feel very contradicted, on the one hand, he still loves MC, he still considers her his princess, and now they are both free, but... But this is no longer his life, he's no longer the host, SE Saeran is, and MC is his partner. A part of him is so desperate to hug and kiss MC, tell her how much he loves her, try to make up for lost time and enjoy the time they now have, but the other part of him feels like a nuisance and doesn't want to be, nor he wants to hurt SE Saeran and MC because of his selfish feelings, he wants to get away from her but he's dying to stay too. Grave is another story... The guilt for everything he did to MC persists and he would try to avoid her like the plague, not believing himself worthy of even thinking about her, very similar to what SE Saeran feels towards Iris at the beginning of your fic (Which I love, btw!).

This is how I think they would react, but they are technically your OCs, so I would like to know how you think they would act in such a situation.

Aaaand.... That's all! I'm so sorry this is so long, but my imagination + Saeran Choi = Infodump.

Oh, wow, you came up with a whole story idea! Spoilers for Iris, my Assistant Unknown story below!

As you know, one of the most dramatic revelations in that story is the realization that you meant something to Ray without realizing it. You didn’t know him and he never truly got a chance to know you… and by the time he returns, you’ve discovered how to live a new life with someone else… someone like him but someone new. He's afraid of what that means and what might go wrong now but you, their Iris, you understand without even trying, and smile at him. 

My favorite part of that story was trying to add in tidbits sprinkled throughout the story until the revelation was shoved in your face all together and there was nothing you could do but begin to cry. That was so fun to do because nobody go the hints until they sprang out at the end!

Now, your idea is an entirely different concept altogether! What if you had known Ray? What if your story followed the opposite? Where you know Ray and Suit Saeran, but you meet SE Saeran who doesn't get who you are except for maybe a whisper of something that the other Saeran, in this particular case, Grave since that's my take on SE Suit Saeran... has to say.

He doesn't know you... but you knew them.

I think you could make something really enticing out of this but wow would it be such a very long concept to write about. There are just so many details that it would take much longer than the time I have to answer this question to completely flesh out. But, for the sake of your fantasy, let me at least to give you my take on what those two would feel about this specific situation.

In this case, what Grave guilty about isn't shooting the MC, since, as you know, Grave's concept is tied with my MC... and his guilt more or less stems from him not knowing who fired the gun at V that day... it could've been him or SE Saeran... and it hit Lila instead because she wanted to stop them from making a mistake. In this case, your MC is tortured by Mint Eye and he knows its his fault.

Similar to how we know him in my story, I imagine in this situation he would definitely go out of his way to avoid you. It's not your fault. It'll never be your fault. It's his fault you got hurt in the first place and he wants nothing more than to stay away from you because getting close to him is only going to destroy you in the end. He won't ruin anything you have with the other two if you make something with them.

He would be a supportive of that, and he would even do his best to make sure those two are protected when it comes to you… but… 

I just can't see him being willing to open up to you for a very long time. If you’re patient with him and make sure that he is allowed the boundaries he needs to stay safe then you don't need to worry about anything. Give him time to realize and recognize that you forgive him. He did a lot of bad things and he wants to hold himself accountable, so don't tell him that he didn't do anything wrong.

Acknowledge that he did something wrong and understand that he needs time to forgive himself regardless of how you feel. It's going to take a long time before he's able to hold you… However, understand one thing and one thing alone, when he's ready to open a door for you, he'll press his hand against yours when you're sitting five feet apart on the couch. 

SE Ray... God.

It's complicated with him because not only would he want to fall back into bad habits, he would feel like he doesn't belong in your life anymore. It's not just because you've already made a relationship with SE Saeran… It's because you're living in a world that hasn't had him in it for so long that he doesn't deserve to come back.

There's nothing he wants more than to treat you like royalty and make sure you have everything he wasn't able to give you before, but he understands very well that he might not be what you want anymore and he needs to learn how to not put you on a pedestal. 

You would need to be careful with him because of what you went through if only because the minute you allow him back in and you don't have a conversation about communication, he's going to think that he needs to be the person he was when you were together in that place. He's going to think you want him to take care of you and you alone. You're going to have to communicate with him and help him understand that you want to be equals, you don't just want to be on top of the world while he's underneath you. 

More than anything, what's going to hold him back in this situation is Big it's secure and afraid that you won't want to be with him because you already have Saeran. 

SE Saeran...

I think this concept is very interesting for him because I genuinely don't know what would happen to him in a situation where he is face to face with somebody who wasn't his assistant but was the assistant of those who came before him. It would be difficult for him to get close to you because he's fully aware that whatever happened to you in the past is not something he can remember and he can't make up for whatever happened if he doesn't know what happened with the other two. 

Because that's exactly what would happen to him, he would want to make up for what they did but that's not something he can do. Those two have to hold themselves accountable when they come back and talk to you about it, he has a completely different relationship with you than they do. It would just make for an interesting line of communication at the end of the day because you have a relationship that is so vastly different with all three of them, and yet you love them all the same just as they love you. 

#ask #mod kait #iris lover anon

[nightklok]

what happens to picklegail in AOTD? I need to know

I keep thinking about em as much as Nategail my brain is in a frenzy with them 🥲

Gonna put in a read more just as an extra precaution for there will be spoilers!

I don’t think I have worked out all the details but I imagine their relationship status similar to what I have envisioned Nathan and Abigail’s relationship, where Abigail will want each other to work in themselves to heal from what happened (and save the world) before coming back to a relationship.

It would be the same for Pickles and Abigail but they probably check on each other every few days. I already HC Pickles as being the type to never switch out of his 90s Nokia phone if he can help it so he was able to sneak in phone calls with her during the time with Knubbler.

I don’t think they’d be doing much during AOTD but post AOTD however…

I am swaying off track here but: Abigail having memory loss too but never even having it really resolved by AOTD would mean a long term struggle for her. In between people giving her sympathies, trying to heal physically and mentally, it’d be a weird period of dissociation of trying to recover from what happened. She’d have nightmares she couldn’t remember when waking up but would remember the feelings very vividly and suddenly loud noises or kidnapping parts in horror movies feel very uncomfortable.

The fact that it seems like it is physically uncomfortable/painful for Dethklok to use their powers is so interesting too. And I think Pickles would feel very uncomfortable as a result as he tries to grapple with this new reality and new set of responsibilities and the feeling that using these powers may bring them closer to death.

With that in mind, they both go to couples therapy :D

But I think initially they’d both dance around the subject, not really wanting to talk about what happened. The other doesn’t want to bring up unnecessary bad feelings/trauma despite wanting to talk about it. Until they were a few glasses in one night and just ended up pouring out those feelings.

Abigail might remember one day what happened to her and Pickles might have to answer some hard questions. Maybe she’ll visit Magnus’ grave to try and find some closure with Dethklok. And maybe she’ll grieve all over again over losing the person she was before the kidnapping. But he’ll still be there for her

I think they both realize that now that Selacia has been defeated, the journey has just begun and they don’t know what else is going to happen. There will probably be no normal part of their lives for a long time after this.

There will probably be a long period though before anything happens. Dethklok will resume as a band, mainly out of realizing that they have to protect the Earth so they make songs to keep evil off. Abigail may not return to work there again but does produce his solo projects (similar to Devin Townsend’s experimental works).

They will be happy eventually and I’ll one day finish a one shot about them post AOTD I promise 💜

#anonymous #metalocalypse #abigail remeltindtdrinc #picklegail #pickles the drummer #Abigail Remeltindtdrinc x pickles the Drummer #thanks for asking! :D #hopefully I finish something I have been writing so much but nothings been finished rip #army of the doomstar #aotd spoilers

[gentil-minou]

I'd love to go into psychology. I think that diagnosing people is absolutely fascinating, but I have a really hard time with empathy. I can understand characters in TV shows and books and why they do the things that they do, but when it's real people it feels like there's a mental block or something? I just have to try really hard to be understanding and patient and I think that doing that for years would make me feel terrible. I have the right personality to be a psychiatrist, but I hate science and I know that I'd hate doing medical school. I know that there's other jobs in psychology (like a research psychologist, or a professor or something maybe) but getting a PhD is phenomenally hard and I'm not sure if I can do it. I feel like, for a therapist or really for anyone in psychology, having a lot of empathy is almost a requirement. Can you be a therapist if you have a hard time with empathy and relating to people?

Hi! I'm so excited to hear you're interested and I always love talking to folks who are passionate about this as a career! We need folks, yes including folks like you!

For starters: psychology is a broad field and not just one career. There's different types and paths to follow, not just the stuff you see on TV. It can be stuff like psychiatry (which is more medication based and why more like med school), therapist (my field which I didn't need a doctorate for in the USA, only my masters and liscensure hours), occupational therapy (which is its own field and so so very important), school counselor. And etc etc. Some folks even use psych in other fields, like teachers and I know it helps im advertising and marketing. It's so multifaceted that there really isn't a limit!

What I mean to say is, in short, it's about figuring out what you're comfortable with doing and what's the right fit for you. And you have time! One of my classmates in my masters was 50, and they're terrific. Higher education is necessary, but there's many paths for the same thing. I'd say see what opportunities might be available for you now to test the waters, see where your interests lie. Do you like working with kids or adults? Do you prefer play therapy or talking about feelings? Do you like moving around and working on motor skills or helping someone in a crisis or trauma situation? Are you interested in social work or working in schools? Start with researching and see what sparks your interest, the more passionate you are about it the more motivated you'll be to go to school for it.

And as to your second question: you already HAVE empathy. You said you understand what a fictional character is thinking and why they act a certain way, and that's a start.

It's true having empathy is an important skill in this field, but it's a SKILL for a reason. It's something we have to practice, and that's part of why school is so important. Part of it is understanding how someone's experiences lead to they way they act, which comes from not just empathy but understanding the symptoms in play here.

I'll give a real example: a parent comes to me and says they don't like the work I'm doing with their kid and they want a new therapist, even though the kid doesn't. My instinct, and this I cannot stress enough is valid and normal reaction, is to be hurt and upset. I'm even angry, because I know I am doing good work and it's the parent who has been causing issues. I'm frustrated and so very very hurt.

But I can also acknowledge that my feelings are separate from the situation, that I need to dig deeper to find out the full bigger picture here. This career is a lot like detective work, because we have to search for clues that might tell us why someone does or acts a certain way. So for this parent I might think about what I know of home life, current events that might he impacting them. Does the parent have their own mental health that causes issues? Are they upset with me or the situation? And can I help them figure put and communicate? It builds on more than just empathy I think, and it's something that comes largely from experience and recognizing patterns.

It doesn't always come naturally, but it does come with practice. You definitely have empathy if you are able to think about how your reaction affects another person. It's just building on those skills! Gathering experience and letting yourself learn, recognizing what might be a weakness that you can build on. And crucially: Practice practice practice!

#i hope this was helpful #for what its worth i think you can do it ❤️❤️❤️ #asked and answered #mental health

[bobawitch]

His Favorite Case

(this is a fem reader x late season 5 reid)

warnings: this story does contain talk of murder, stalking, and overall some triggering topics, please read at your own risk.

A/N: i am more than willing to take requests for upcoming chapters but i will also write smaller fics on the side if anyone has specific requests! <3

Chapter one

You had never known an easy life. It seems fate just didn’t have that out for you. You were made to be in and out of therapy throughout childhood and the early stages of your adulthood. It was when you were around 6 years old that your parents were killed. The killer had locked you in your room and left you with a music box that played the swan lake. It wasn’t loud enough to block out the sounds of your parents but it was definitely calming. Police had arrived as fast as they could but they couldn’t save your mother. Your father was in critical care for a few years but eventually died which left you under the supervision of your aunt. She moved you to her townhouse in Russia where you grew up but once you were at 18 you found yourself wishing to come back to America and so you did. It had been easy since you had excelled as a ballerina and just about any dance studio was just about dying to get you. You finally found one you liked in Virginia, Quantico to be more exact. Your aunt made sure you were comfortable in your new apartment before she left you again. Now you were on your own, enjoying your own life. 

Now for Reid, there was a new case and Garcia was at the end of filling them in on it and Reid was extra interested. It was obvious that the unsub had a type and a very specific surrogate he was looking for but how long it would take before he was ready to confront that surrogate was too soon to speculate on. 

“He seems to like ballerinas, specifically ballerinas with h/c’s hair and e/c eyes.” Reid spoke and Morgan nodded, his brows still firm in thought. 

“It’s local so we should start by looking into how many ballerinas in the area have a history with a stalker.” Hotch looked at Garcia, making it clear she was to look at that immediately.

“Morgan and Rossi, you go to the first dump site, Reid and Prentiss start visiting ballet studios, see if we can find anyone that might know this guy.” Hotch finished his orders, standing as Garcia scrambled off to her computer room. 

It didn’t take long for Reid and Prentiss to get to the well known studio you worked at. The manager of the studio came and grabbed you to speak with the FBI and you hurriedly pulled on your hoodie over your leotard. You scurried to the man and woman, looking over the woman quickly before resting your eyes on Spencer. He gave you a half smile in his awkward manner.

“Uh hi, I’m Dr. Spencer Reid and this is Agent Emily Prentiss. We’re from the FBI.” Reid nodded and gave a hand for you to shake. You took it and gave a kind but firm shake, then doing the same to agent Prentiss.

“We’re sorry to bother you but we were hoping we could ask you some questions?” Prentiss had a kind and very understanding voice that soothed you and your nerves. 

“Yeah of course, here we can go sit.” You smiled at the two before leading them to the various seats in the audience.

“Thank you, we were wondering if you’ve been stalked before?”

You looked at Reid with a blank but anxious look, swallowing hard and nodding slightly.

“Nothing confirmed but I used to get these letters that never had a return address. They always asked how my life was, what I was doing.” You felt your voice shake as you spoke. You had of course brought this up in therapy but nothing was ever done about it, instead you just kept throwing them away and getting stronger security at each letter. You felt a bit safer but about 2 months ago you stopped receiving any letters. 

“How long have you been getting these letters?” Prentiss continued the questioning but you could feel Reid staring at you, a thoughtful expression upon his face. 

“Uh, ever since I moved here about 6 months ago..”

Prentiss and Reid exchanged looks.

“Thank you, uh, what’s your name?” Reid asked.

You gave him your name before you watched them leave, now more nervous than ever. Reid had given you his number so that you could get in touch easily if you got another letter. 

“Garcia I need you to run a background check on someone, her name is y/n l/n.” Reid spoke into the phone outside of your studio, Emily was now in the car, updating Hotch.

“Alright, give me just a moment… aaaaand done! Ok she seems like your average 25 year old, moved here 6 months ago, lives in a studio apartment outside of downtown. She was born in a small town in New York and.. Oh…. oh my god. Her parents were killed in her old house, she was the only survivor..” Garcia’s voice shook enough through the call that Reid frowned, still deep in thought.

“Ok, thanks Garcia.” The call ended and he climbed into the car, updating Prentiss and Hotch before heading back to the office. 

That night you found it hard to sleep, which wasn’t super uncommon but it still wasn’t comfortable for you. You blink at your ceiling before sighing and pushing yourself up and out of your bed, walking through the hall and grabbing a glass of water from the fridge. As you shut the fridge door you heard a hard thump which spiked your adrenaline. You reached for your phone, dialing Reid’s number and making your way to the front door of your apartment. It couldn’t have been later than maybe 11:30 so you were near confident that a neighbor would be awake enough to let you in. When you got to the front door you quickly unlocked all the pieces you had installed to ensure your safety then swung the door open. Reid picked up as you ran down the hall.

“Reid he’s here. He was in my apartment, I’m getting in the elevator now, please send help.” You were rushed in your words, cutting off his confused tone and the beginnings of “who is this?”

You could hear some scrambling in the background as the elevator doors closed before Reid spoke.

“Ok, I just told my team we’ll be there soon, where are you gonna go?”

“Uh, I didn’t think about that, maybe the lobby?”

“Ok, that’s smart, just go to the lobby and hide behind the front desk we’re on our way.”

Tears were flooding down your cheeks now and you could feel your breathing deep in your head.

“Ok.. will you stay on the phone with me please?” You felt your voice crack but your ears weren’t pierced with the noise as they usually would be.

“Of course, yes I’ll stay on the call until we get there.”

You mumbled a soft thank you before sitting behind the front desk, crouching with your knees hugged tight to your chest. You were shaking as you tried to calm your breathing so the man couldn’t hear you when he eventually got down to the lobby. You snapped out of your pure fear when you heard Reid’s voice again. 

“How long have you been a ballerina?”

You were a little stunned at his question because it really didn’t make sense in the situation.

“I uh- I’m sorry what?”

“Oh, sorry just trying to distract you, try and calm you down. This guy feeds on fear so if we can keep you as calm as possible it will make him more likely to just leave.”

You nodded although Reid really couldn’t see that.

“I’ve been doing ballet since I was 10. So 16 years.” You were still crying but your voice wasn’t as shaky.

“Good good, that’s super cool. I never understood dancing, it’s not like math so I’m a bit lost at it.”

You giggled at his words, still hearing dead silence in the lobby until you heard faint sirens. You perked up with a smile, wanting to look around the lobby but it was then you heard the elevator doors open and a heavy step walking around the lobby. 

“Alright y/n we are almost to your building, are you still safe?”

You would have whispered but the man was close enough that you couldn’t even try it. You shut your eyes tight and kept repeating that you were ok, hoping that maybe by some miracle that Reid would get your thoughts.

The line stayed quiet for a few more seconds as the sirens became blaring. You heard various hurried footsteps until the doors swung open and you heard deep voices yelling for the unsub to drop his weapon. Your eyes opened and you looked around until Spencer came into view, he kneeled by you and set his hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N! Are you ok?” He spoke in a worried tone as the other agents made the arrest.

You nodded and took his other hand that was telling you it was safe to stand but when you did you saw the man and he was not the man that killed your parents.

“Todd? What the fuck!” You spoke angrily, starting to walk towards him though Reid was holding you back very confused.

“Y/N who are these people? What do they mean murder?!” Todd spoke confused and also angry.

You turned to Hotch, bowing your head gently, “I’m so sorry sir, this is just Todd, my ex boyfriend.”

You heard a scoff from behind you and turned to look at Reid who looked a bit embarrassed at how unprofessional that was. Hotch sighed and nodded, “We’ll still need to take him in for questioning.”

“He also now has breaking and entering, even if it's not murder we can hold him.” Spencer chimed and you looked at him again, smiling. 

Reid took you back to your room as of Hotch’s orders, telling him to stay for the night. You were a bit embarrassed since your apartment wasn’t the most clean place on Earth but you let him in nonetheless.

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction

[aromanticbuck]

Always asking for elaboration! This time on the soldier, poet, king post, regarding the mice!

I'm gonna guess Brandon poet, mouse Soldier, Gregory king?

I can't tell if the boys or me are the predictable factor in this scenario, because you're the second person to get it exactly right.

Mouse is the soldier. Brandon is the poet. Gregory is the king.

I was already thinking about this in the car on my drive home yesterday, and then I'm getting a bunch of videos about the quiz and what the results mean on my tiktok fyp, so I only thought about it more last night instead of writing or sleeping. Two videos in particular (I screenshotted one and have the other burned into my brain, but no links, sorry) really solidified my choices for each of the Mice, and that's where the elaboration/essay comes in:

One of the videos was about trauma, and how each type (soldier/poet/king) does or doesn't process and work through it. And I was already settled on Mouse as the soldier and Gregory as the king, but Brandon, up until that point, had been the poet by default because that's the third option. But this tiktok...

Kings, like Gregory, are "people who compare their trauma to others' instead of reflecting to find their own answers." And... yeah. I talk about Gregory basically wearing a mask and pretending to be something he's not for his parents' approval. He's constantly being compared to others and their accomplishments and what they have and don't have, even if he's not necessarily being hard on himself. He's held to a higher standard, by his parents and by society. And he has all this money and this comfortable life, so really, he shouldn't be miserable. He has to push down the ache that comes with pretending so often and be this representation for his family legacy, and that is what matters, not trying to figure out if he needs therapy or not (he does he does he does he doe-)

Soldiers, like Mouse, are "people who don't think they deserve to process their trauma and struggle alone." And, I mean, as soon as I looked at the options for this little personality test, I knew Mouse was gonna be the soldier. He literally says it himself in canon. He was born to be a soldier. All of his trauma is from his childhood or a war zone - situations he got out of, he got to escape, he got to start to heal from. But the way he sees it, he's not in those situations anymore, so why is he still upset about them? Why do they still affect him so much? He hasn't talked to his parents in years. He's been in Chicago again for half a decade again before he reenlists. Even when he reenlists, he's too busy facing new trauma and danger to worry about the old wounds.

Poets, like Brandon, are "people who painstakingly think about their trauma to help others while inevitably avoiding their own trauma." I think this fits Brandon, especially, when I consider how he grew up. He grew up watching Trudy walk out the door every morning not knowing if she was going to come back, with his uncles doing the exact same thing, listening to the police scanner when he got home from school just to have on in the background while he did homework or laundry because it was some hollow reassurance that he could know what was going on if something did happen to go wrong. He grew up doing favors for Uncle Hank - picking up Erin when she got into some trouble, doing the same with Justin, eventually playing undercover himself to sit in the back of the theater and keep an eye on things when Lexi went on dates. He played the role of well behaved son, protective cousin, reliable nephew... he was too busy worrying about everyone else to take the time to worry about himself.

The other tiktok I haven't stopped thinking about for almost 24 hours was just one line: the king is just a poet who had to be a soldier. And in the context of the Mice... it just really hurts to think about too much. I love suffering.

#answered #shae tag #lovelymysticmoon #mouse gerwitz #greg gerwitz #greg mouse gerwitz #cpd #chicago pd #one chicago #gregory gerwitz iv #oc; brandon platt #alex says things #the mice™ #i think about them constantly

[dulcewrites]

Honestly Aemond being mad the morning after they sleep together is so funny to me, ‘cause my man, my buddy, my dude; you now damm well you’re down bad for your ex; like if she wanted him to be just her booty call (for the moment) he will.

It would be interesting to see her interact with all of the Targs siblings including Aemond during/after the divorce (before she decided to be talk as friends to them); like you mentioned that she would have to see them and be civil for Daella’s sake; but how would it go, ‘cause she would probably have to see them in her daughter, Alicent & Daeron birthday since she does speak to the laters; and probably Christmas or other holiday and that must be very hard, more over if Aemond, being the deaf tone idiot that he is, would bring Alys; honestly reader a better person than me cause I would make sure that he get to se his child as minimum as possible (yeah only Alicent and Daeron get love from me, they’re pookies and I love them).

Like I would pull a Shakira and her Session 53 on all of them.

Also does Aemond know that she wants more kids before sleeping together or after? Like imagine him having to meet one of reader’s new man, like someone that she is getting serious with that she feels comfortable to have around her daughter (probably after they started therapy) and Daella liking him and being comfortable with this new man in her mommy’s life 🥺; and let’s say that Aemond knows that she wants more children (again this could be before or after that night) like he probably is terrified by the idea of this guy having a permanent place in all of their life’s; at this point he is sure of his importance in reader life because his is the father of her only child but that could possibly change and it terrifies him. It would make him realize that he could actually loose reader for good, and all his chances of getting her back are in danger. I imagine that after “that” night he makes his goal of getting her back and being a family all three of them again (maybe even expand it 👨‍👩‍👧 🔜 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦).

Aemond in the djats!au gives me vibes of the song “Somebody Else”from The 1975.

Reader is “Lose You to Love Me” from Selena Gomez coded

I do want to do something during the holidays for them! I feel it would be super interesting specifically if Aemond tried to bring alys around ://. Honestly it’s kind of fun writing Aemond as delusional bc I lowkey feel like he is lmaoooo. But in a dissociative, I have to put a false sense bravado because I’m highly insecure type of way. I don’t think (at least not show Aemond and how I see him) he does most things to hurt people. He just has a default setting because of how he was raised… like a cute targ doll

Aemond probably finds out about the child thing afterwards. It probably makes the night hurt more considering they both made an effort for him to you know… not do his business inside of her. He would’ve given her another kid just based on how he feels about daella.

Daella would probably be skeptical about a man in reader’s life just like she was with alys. But I think if this man stayed in reader’s life longer than alys did in theirs she’d warm up. Especially since she’d probably be older by that point. Understanding the difference between how alys come into her dad’s life versus this new guy. Aemond would probably be screaming crying throwing up if daella had another male figure in her like that. Like she loves her uncles but obviously not the same as reader having a man around constantly. Oouuu now I want to write something about the first dinner between reader, daella, Aemond, and reader’s new man

#the cregan in Aemond fics thing is cliche but also so good specifically for this bc he gives off dad energy #it would threaten Aemond’s dad energy hard #hmmm but we will see I might just make up a guy #maybe a cute vineyard owner… from redwyne 👀👀👀 #djats fmo au

[moonlit-positivity]

How to find the right therapist for you

Starting therapy can be an intimidating process for many reasons. Trauma survivors already have a hard time opening up & trusting people as it is. We are also still fighting against so much stigma around therapy & mental health itself. When I was growing up, therapy was seen as a punishment or a way to get you locked up in the psych wards & have your freedom stripped away from you. And today, the long standing stigma around mental illnesses & personality disorders does not help either. But we have come a long way. There ARE therapists out there who are fighting tooth and nail against the stigma, against the socio-economical boundaries, against the race, gender, sexuality, health, and mental boundaries that separate us all as individuals. Hopefully this can help you find the right therapist for you.

Psychologytoday. org has a list of therapists in ur area & you can read their bios so you can see what they treat & specialize in, you can pick some to call & schedule a preliminary meeting before you decide for sure which one to go to. You can also filter payment options on this site to see which ones take insurance & stuff.

ask them questions. It is perfectly fine & acceptable to ask them interview questions on the first meeting, or even down the road. Good therapists will encourage this too. But like, it's okay to ask them things like: how many years have you practiced? What are your qualifications? How many patients with X have you treated? Are you qualified to diagnose Y? What are your views on suicidal thoughts/self harm? When would you intervene with hospitalization? How do you treat patients who experience XYZ? Etc. These questions will give you a lot of insight on how they work.

It is okay to leave a therapist or request a new one. Ppl do this all the time. You do not have to stay w/one therapist just bc you feel like you need therapy & don't want to give up. If they aren't vibing w/ you, you don't have to stay. In fact it's a good idea to bounce the minute you feel like it's not gonna work out that way u save time & money, & put that time into finding a better fit for you. There is nothing wrong with quitting. It doesn't mean you won't ever heal. It doesn't mean you won't ever try again. It just means the situation right now is not working and you need to stop.

No two therapists are the same. Therapy isn't a one size fits all approach. There are many types of therapy too- many therapists can have specialized approaches, ie trauma informed therapy, sexual assault, queer/lgbtqia+, race related trauma, asian mental health, etc. It can be beneficial to spend some time considering what exactly it is you're wanting to focus on, and what kind of therapists you'd like to be sitting across from you to handle your life & vulnerabilities. Therapy in itself should always be a process of self exploration. Boundaries, self esteem, self worth, and venting about our problems so we can gain introspection in our daily lives. So keep in mind that there are different options available.

Some therapists will give you homework, others would never do that in a million years. Some might encourage EMDR, DBT, etc; while others might not have the capability of offering those kinds of services (usually due to the company they work for). Some therapists might work top down, others might work bottom up. Some therapists are Cool, others are Not. Some therapists can offer telehealth, while others are still preferring face to face appointments. Again, it can be beneficial to spend some time considering what it is you're looking for in a therapist and the kind of care you'd like to receive.

Get ready for the long haul. It takes time to fully open up & trust a complete stranger. It will also take some time to figure out what kind of therapist you have, what your dynamic will be; and also what kind of therapy style would work best for you. Like for example, my current therapist & i started out doing inner child work through talk therapy. I really liked the way she approached me, she was really nice & validating, and didn't expect me to do or share anything heavy until I said I wanted to. That worked well for me bc it gave me a lot of control over everything. So I stayed w/ her & we've made tons of progress. She is also very Cool. I have told her all sorts of things & she knows that reporting or having me committed would break a lot of trust between us, but I also know she would react if I said I was in real danger. Compared to my first therapist, we were not a good match at all. He wouldn't answer my questions at all. He would sit and wait for me to figure it out on my own. But for me, that made things worse because I needed a lot of validation for my trauma & what I was going through. Our dynamic left me feeling awkward and exposed in a vulnerable way that I was not comfortable with. So I quit.

Check out what other services they can offer you. Mine also offered case management & currently working on med management as well. It is very convenient to have them all with the same company.

If & when therapy isn't an option:

There are other options to healing & recovery outside of therapy that can be just as beneficial, but will require a bit more research & self effort to find out what you need.

Self help books: check your local library for the self help section. Here is also a file of free trauma & dissociation book PDF files.

Some popular recommendations:

🟢 The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

🟢 Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

🟢 Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson

🟢 Codependent No More by Melody Beatie

🟢 Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving Lasting Romantic Relationships by Eli Harwood

Social Media Therapists & Content: there is an abundance of healing, recovery, & trauma informed content currently being circulated by liscenced therapists more and more each day on socials like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Id recommend you to make a spare account specifically for cultivating a healing space, so you can set your algorithm to push those videos in your face.

Recommendations:

🟢 AttachmentNerd aka Eli Harwood on IG: specializing in gentle parenting & reparenting in adulthood from early childhood disruptions in attachment & abuse

🟢 TherapyGhost aka Sandy Tuffs on IG: specializing in healing from csa & sexual assault

🟢 MegJosephson on IG: specializing in recovering from people pleasing, social anxiety, and anxious patterns in childhood attachment

🟢 Dr Raquel Martin PHD on IG: specializing in black mental health & race related trauma

🟢 MrChazz aka Chazz Lewis on IG: specializing in gentle parenting & reparenting attachments in adulthood

🟢 Trauma and Somatics on IG: trauma informed & aware content on somatics, emotional regulation, & nervous system healing

Hopefully this list can help you utilize your time in therapy, healing, & recovery to the max. Good luck & hope this helps.

🌺

#cptsd #recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #therapy #trauma recovery #healing #inner child healing

[ritterblood]

🍍

let's get fruity

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body?  how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

though it's not immediately apparent or obvious, i do think that haurchefant's self-worth and confidence issues have had an effect on how he sees himself physically as well. he started training at quite a young age to become a knight, because with how he was treated and with ishgard's overall attitude towards valor and courage being found in strength and in mettle ( aka becoming a knight and fighting for ishgard and its people in the war against the dragons was seen as one of the most honorable things you could do ), knighthood was pretty much one of the only things haurchefant thought he could find pride and purpose in - not just for himself, but for the family name as well. he'd never have a high social standing as a bastardborn, would never inherit much of a title, but in knighthood, in the role he could take on as commander of dragonhead, he could build a name for himself, build a reputation for himself, prove himself useful and worthy beyond simply being the count fortemps' bastardborn son or " edmont's sole indiscretion ". so in short, he built a lot of his identity around this purpose of knighthood, being a protector, a fighter, a tank and that definitely reflects in the way he looks and presents himself.

to prove my point, if anyone had ever asked him if he felt comfortable in his body during his tenure at camp dragonhead he would have said definitely and he would have meant it and being right about it too. he was at the peak of his strength then, he'd trained hard and trained long to be where he was, like the canon and short story prove that he's a fucking beast, he can take the hits that others can, can fight the fights so others shouldn't have to. he's strong, fast, tall and he knows it and takes pride in it too. i don't necessarily think the attractiveness in and of itself was what was important to him, but the his soldier's physique was definitely something he took a lot of care in. he also admits that strong physique combined with strength of will is something he greatly admires within others as well.

and then, of course, comes the vault. he gets traumatically injured, to the point where the chirurgeons have to tell him it's likely improbable he will ever recover to the same point as he was before he was hit with the spear. he'll likely never properly be able to lift his shield anymore, not simply bc the attack tore through tendons and muscle and bone, but because it affected his aether in and of itself around that area. he spends the better part of a year convalescing and needing to do lots of physical therapy to regain his physicality and ultimately has to accept that he'll likely never be able to join his comrades in the field of battle again, or at least not in the same capacity as before.

the impact that this has on him is immense, especially in those first few months after. he feels weak, he looks weak, he feels useless and like he's failed somehow, despite the fact the he literally saved the WOL from becoming skewered. the scar on his shoulder is a constant reminder of this, as is the fact the he loses a lot of weight and muscle definition in that time of early recovery and this is definitely a part in his life where he absolutely loathes looking at himself for too long and where he struggles a lot with his self image and identity.

obviously he finds new purpose, a new path and works hard to regain his strength; but there's definitely moments where he was very close to giving up and he likely would have, had it not been for those around him.

so tldr; though he wouldn't necessarily think so himself, subconsciously he does put a lot of importance on his own body image in how it ties in with the identity and purpose he's built for himself.

#does this even make sense #idk #BUT WELL I WROTE IT AND THATS ALL ANYONE CAN GIVE ME #drachenblood #HEADCANON #love u #also yeah yeah timeline shenanigans #but i know taco's canon has estinien possessed by nidhogg for about nine months #and that fits in with my haurche needing close to a year to recover from his injuries before he goes on his little road trip with esti #post dragonsong war

[copingintheghetto]

Google voice typing trial run

I haven't written anything for a while. I am trying to form good habits and be consistent in just about everything in my life because that's a big problem for me. And I don't think my therapist can help me with this as my psychiatrist NP suggested.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is this the name I have and coping in the ghetto is- I don't know what these words mean as of February 28th 2024.

I need to change the word ghetto because I do not live in the ghetto anymore. I know where that is in this medium sized city, which is the capital of the state.

It's a place that is depressing to me because it reminds me of where I was and I worry that things will go badly and I'll lose my little home that I love and be walking the streets looking for anything and everything. I worry about losing my sources of income because I'm not good enough at my job according to my coaches. Even so, I think I'm a good employee that works my ass off. My homework assignment is to ask a coach for a minute of their time and read from a piece of paper that I will have written ahead of time addressing all of the things that I need to communicate. Then we'll be on the same page and a weight will be lifted off my shoulders. I will try to do this today. I have already talked to HR and she was really nice. She said she would be a mediator between me and the coaches and the leads nothing has ever come of that. Sometimes I wonder if they are treating me differently because of what she told them. Because I'm not expected to do as much as the other people. I mean new people are doing what I don't do. I've told them that I can do things if they're written down and I can see. But they don't seem to have time to let me write things down. So the solution will be to find a lesson on their learning platform while I'm clocked in before I start working and take notes. Then go up to them and say, "hey I got this written down here and I can do it now if you want me to."

What angers me is that I have carpal tunnel syndrome now because of my hard work there and my knee is messed up now as well. I'll see you doctor next week.

Then there's the anxiety about having to pay social security back around $5,000 since I went over the SGA amount beginning in November. I thought things that were incorrect, and now I know that I should have called them and asked about working full-time before I did so. It was awful for my mental and physical health by the way. The good thing is I gave them my wage information and now I'm just waiting for a caseworker to call me back.

If I do owe all of my savings, then that is just what will happen. The next step would be to save money again. And that's all there is to that.

The other thing is my psychiatrist NP who is now telling me to taper off of pregabalin and just take gabapentin, which is what I'm taking for my nerve pain in my wrist. I told her Gabapentin does not work for anxiety- that I've tried it. She ignored me and continued with her expert thoughts. I think the pregabalin shows promise. I just haven't figured out the right dose. But I am scared of talking to her about that.

The hand surgeon told me that he doesn't put people on Gabapentin long term. That if the pain gets bad, then surgery is an option. By the way, he gave me a steroid injection and I think it's helped but I'm not sure. He said it could help for months .

Back to NP. ... then the solution- if she's not willing to respect my wishes (my bodily autonomy?)- will be to find a different psychiatrist.

Unfortunately, they're pretty much all the same though. Perhaps 1 in 30 might prove helpful. But there's no law that says you have to stay with your provider. You can always seek another one.

Besides being consistent with things and writing things down before I tap on someone's shoulder to communicate, I have to figure out how to stop this compulsive talking I do all day at home.

A lot of it is just because I'm lonely and have no one to talk to. I crave human connection. Not with just anyone, of course. My own company is better than Bad Company. I wonder what the band Bad Company were thinking when they came up with that name.

I am not making an effort in this department though, so I can change that when I'm ready.

But how do I stop the talking? It wastes hours of my day every day. I apologize to my cat for not playing with her. I feel horrible. So, in order to decrease the chances of my ending up in a scary place with scary people trying to take advantage of me and succeeding, I have got to use my powerful amazing brain to make use of my precious time when I'm not at work.

Okay this should be the end of this Google Voice typing test. I think it works rather well so I'll continue to use it. This would be the beginning of another one.

Taking action. Cognitive behavioral therapy for me and you. No, the following is not something I came up with. Do I have to mention the source? I'll throw caution to the wind. This is from stuff I bought way over 10 years ago. It was expensive for me by the way, lol.

Lesson 1.

Anxiety: Symptoms, Causes, and Common Fears.

1. Notice personality traits that encourage anxiety.

2. Begin to appreciate the positive side of your personality.

3. You can change the way you think.

4. Begin making behavior changes.

5. Begin journaling.

6. Slow down in all ways.

7. Begin an exercise routine and reduce caffeine.

8. Recovery is a gradual process.

9. Use relaxation audio session three times daily.

10. Listen to your inner dialogue. Respectful? Kind?

"Your history does not have to be your future."

To be continued.

#Venting about problems #Confronting anxiety disorders #Problem solving for mental health #I need to play with my cat! #Proactive rambling thoughts #Telling my amygdala to get in the backseat #Prefrontal cortex needs to take the wheel!

[chwrpg]

Everybody says one thing and then does another – BLYTHE CHADWELL

A NOTE FROM ADMIN B: The stream of new blood on the dash continues! If I was going to bring anyone back from the dead of course it would be a Chadwell... A, you know how I feel about this family!!!

OOC NAME/ALIAS, PREFERRED PRONOUNS, AGE & TIMEZONE: I’m not telling. 100000 est DESIRED CHARACTER: Blythe Chadwell HOW ACTIVE WILL YOU BE? As active as I can be tbh. SECONDARY CHOICE:

DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER: Blythe is so easily seen and taken for a china doll. Soft and sweet, beautiful, and truly kind. Easy, naive.. and at one time that was true. She could be toyed with and lulled into security by a well meaning guy, person. That was were growth and time came in. Able to leave her hometown for longer than a few months was exactly what Blythe Chadwell needed to become who she was meant to be. Not in that eye roll, soul searching way, but in the way she learned to listen to herself, trust in herself, and less in others. It didn’t take away from the love and joy she could find day to day, but the lesson was that it simply protected her in the long run. She is forever always the type to be a fix it all for someone, a loyal friend, and above all, a Chadwell. She doesn’t hide from the name as she once did, but she surely isn’t tossing it around for attention. Some people just get it. She uses that for her career, which is of the most importance to her. Art allows her to slip away and make the chaos in her mind quiet. Forever on display. There are times that she finds herself slipping into old ways, pushing people back when the fight or flight urge kicks in, but at the end of the day, she’s sure of herself, happy, and hopefully able to look forward without worry that something from her past might creep in. SAMPLE WRITING: “Oh please, would you hold the door?!” Blythe called quickly as she rushed down the corridor, trying to make it before plane was to stop admitting anyone onboard. She knew it was too close, but an accident with her heel and her baggage made it impossible to get where she needed to be, so with a flush across her cheeks and the most pleading smile, she waited until the older woman nodded and shooed her in. Finding her seat was easy, and she made no show of entering first class. It had been something Bunny and her had discusses for years. The way to tell how someone belonged, and it always came down to confidence. Even if you didn’t belong, you could make others believe you did. It was odd to think of belonging, home, family. It had been too long since she’d been back to any of them. Felt the comfort of familiar surroundings, the bonding time with Bunny, frankly speaking, FaceTime just didn’t cut it. Her hand slid over the leather seat as she tucked one leg under herself and got comfortable for the long ride. To belong. People always said one could never go back home. Yet there she was, and it wasn’t as the mess of a girl who had let one thing after another set her back. Instead she was.. Blythe. Her hair was longer and her makeup skills refined with class and grace, the only way she could think to describe it was a level up. Hard work and therapy had done a job on her, as did actual school. It was easy to forget the things that seemed so silly when forced to cram in endless amounts of facts, while securing herself an internship conserving art pieces. It was in the sunlit rooms where she scrubbed away years of dirt that she found her true love, painting. Brushstrokes were simply lyrics on a canvas, a way of pushing others to see what she saw, felt, experienced. It was never of the same thing, in the same way. Her emotions made her who she was, and there was no longer the option of hiding them. Thinking about her upcoming show back in her hometown had her stomach going in knots. Would people show, would her family be proud or would it just be a pat on the head for her little special hobby? So many things hung in the air, were left up to fate, and Blythe was happy to report it didn’t make her more nervous or anxious. Rosewood would be better, because she was better. She kept saying it to herself as a mantra, or possibly a warning. A Chadwell always knew one thing for sure, Rosewood was the unexpected. Good or bad, and one just had to go along for the ride.

ANYTHING ELSE? But was it fashion?

#accepted