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#its 5am. im not asleep. somehow

bestiarum · 2 years

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hi its me jeb kellykline im the witcher books anon. anyway im very slow at reading. and im so stressed i need rience to die.

OMFG JEB HELLO?? wonderful to hear from you <3333

and yeah sometimes it takes me months to read a book... not the witcher tho i usually re-read my favorite parts of the books every month. on average aksjdhkaj (i am unwell)

also pls yeah rience that motherfucker. leave jaskier alone you fiery cunt!! thank god yen burned half his face off lmao serves him right

#its 5am. im not asleep. somehow #skjdlal #amazing ask to start off my day <33

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Hii!! 😊Could you write one where y/n and taehyung are in a relationship, and y/n’s on her period and accidentally stains tae’s sheets, she then is very embarrassed and sorry and cries and taehyung’s there to tell that it’s okay lol.

Hello!!

aww this is incredibly soft, thank you anon for the request!!

word count- 1.1k

warnings- mention of blood but periods shouldn't be gross!!!

Enjoy!

You got home late from work, putting the key into the door and entering the quiet apartment. You had expected Taehyung to be asleep on the couch, as he usually attempts to stay up and wait for you, ultimately giving into sleeping.

When you had not seen him there, you gently called out his name, putting your coat on the hook and walking into the bedroom to see him under the covers, resting. poor baby, hes probably exhausted from practice today.

Tip-toeing into the room, you grab pajamas and head into the bathroom to change. You could have sworn you started your period as you took the bus home, cramps having you squeeze your hands into fists. You were surprised to see you hadn't. sighing, you figured your body is doing its irregular period thing, it likes to play tricks on you and make you panic when theres no reason to.

you take an Advil and decided to put on a thin pantyliner just in case, though you doubted it.

once out of the bathroom, the mattress dipped as you placed your weight onto the bed, sitting besides the sleeping boy. He mumbled and shifted over as you got under the covers before wrapping an arm around you and bringing you closer to him.

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, "I love you" he mumbled, still half asleep. You broke out into a wide grin, kissing against his neck. "I love you too, im sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep" you whispered, beginning to hear the sound of his light snores, alerting you that he indeed had fallen back into slumber. It wasnt too long after that you, yourself, knocked out.

Taehyung had been awoken to the sound of his alarm clock going off at 5am, he groaned and removed himself from you, reaching to shut his phone off. The room was still dark, only noise audible was the fan blowing cold air from the corner of the room. He took a moment to wake up before pulling the sheets back and stepping into the bathroom to shower.

When he flicked the lights on, his eyes drew down to his sweatpants which appeared to have what looked to be blood on them. He panicked, checking over himself to make sure he had not gotten hurt somehow. Once he confirmed it wasnt him, he walked back into the bedroom and turned the bedside lamp on, he nodded to himself once the explanation was clear.

He pulled the covers back, exposing the blood stain which you had been laying in. "ohh" he pouted and contemplated on how to approach this, not wanting to make you feel ashamed.

"baby..." he whispered, lightly tapping your arm. you mumbled something before falling back asleep, making him laugh. He shook you again, this time making you get up.

"what baby?" you groan, wiping your eyes and turning to look at him.

He didnt say anything yet, looking unsure.

"what?" you asked more seriously as you sat up.

he softly smiled, alerting you to the sheets below you, "look"

you quietly gasp. "what is this?"

he looks back at you before brushing his hand over your shoulder.

"I think your period started, baby" he sat on the bed and looked at you as he rubbed your back. "are you ok? does your stomach hurt?"

once you realized what had occurred, you looked down between your legs to see blood soaked pj shorts. Instantly, you were mortified.

your hands flew to cover your face, shaking your head. "oh my god...."

he gently stood, and thats when you saw it was on his pants too.

"tae!" you whined and felt tears begin to brew.

"its okay angel" he soothed, watching you begin to freak out.

"no its not! we just washed the sheets yesterday, and I-"

you wiped your eyes, "this is so embarrassing im so fucking sorry, go shower ill clean it I promise"

he came over and grabbed your hand, kissing your head. "stop apologizing, im not mad sweetheart, it happens"

"no but this is so gross"

he shook his head and walked over to the other side of the bed, helping you up. "its okay, you cant help it" he whispered as his arms wrapped around your waist gently, swaying you.

you sighed as you pulled away, watching him begin to strip the sheets off, "noo, you are gonna be late!" you whine, making him laugh. "I think they will be ok if I come in a few minuets after"

you are quick to push him away, but he spins you around and cups your face. "you are making a big deal out of something that doesnt need to be a big deal" he whispered, pressing a light kiss to your lips. "just wait here, Ill set up a bath and get you some medicine. do you want tea?" he asked, looking back at you as he gathered the sheets and piled them by the door. You were in shock at his attentiveness, feeling shy.

"yeah?" he asked

"yeah....tea would be nice" you whisper as he leads you to the bathroom and started to fill the tub with water. "just relax ok?" he kissed your hand.

you nodded as he left, allowing you to step into the warm tub, instantly feeling better as Taehyung tended to the laundry, putting new sheets on the bed.

he came back a few minuets later with a cup of tea and fruit, putting it on the little stool he built for you because you often liked to have your laptop to watch tv as you took a bath.

"thank you" you mumble, "im sorry again" you look at him as he kneels on the side on the bath, his hand running through your semi dry hair. "shh, i promise, its ok" he smiled and handed you Tylenol.

you took a few sips of tea as he sat patiently. "do you want me home today, sweetheart?" he asked lovingly

"no no I will be ok, thank you though"

"you sure?" he asked, knowing how your cramps can be. He will never forget the time he came home and found you crying on the floor in the kitchen because the pain was so unbearable.

you looked at him, pressing your lips together in thought.

"well.....i dont want you to get in trouble with work." you spoke

he giggled, "I think they wont mind, besides, I rather spend a day with my girl then learning choreography for 6 hours"

you smiled and nodded, "ok then....can you stay?" you ask timidly

"of course" he kissed your head. "give me a few minuets and ill join you" he smiled and stood up to leave for a moment.

You hummed contently, you don't know what you must have done in a past life to deserve this, or him, but damnit you were one lucky girl.

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sillyflipping · 8 months

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DXM 180mg hbr + weed trip report

8:10 PM: packed a bowl and smoked it. around this time, also hit the pen a few times, and a couple hits of nic vape

10:30 PM: Took 180mg DXM hbr in the form of 12 gelcaps, 15mg each. They were a generic store pharmacy brand of gelcaps, but I made sure to get the kind that contained only dxm and no other active ingredients. If you’re going to do dxm, don’t do it if there’s acetamenophin or guafinesin in whatever you’re taking because it can actually kill you, and it is not pleasant to OD on acetamenophin. Before taking the dxm I took one pill of otc dramamine to combat any nausea. The amount I took should get me to a high first plat, *maybe* a low second plat, or at least so says the dosage calculators. I’ve not done much Hbr in my past, I usually used to do freebase pills and occasionally poli (Delysm). I hadn’t done dxm in over a year now, I know it caused me a bunch of problems in my past, but for some reason lately this past week I’d just been craving it for some reason. Honestly in the past few days I’d just been fiending to get fucked up. And now, I’ve finally done it, i’ve taken my first-second plat dose and I’m waiting for it to kick in. I will try and update every hour. Also note I’ve never combined dxm and weed before, so will see if it’s any different. Also If I end up falling asleep will continue to update in the morning or whenever I wake up.

11:30 PM: Don’t notice any signifigant effects. Bit of a headache. Am lying in bed was watching some youtube videos.

12:00 AM head pounding a bit but it’s not intese pain. Just kind of a headache a bit dizzy/disoreinted bit spinny rooms spinny

12:40 AM head hurts, dizzy. This isn’t like the previous times i’ve done dxm, it’s not kickin in as hard, though to be fair I used to do freebase at higher doses and at that time I was also on abilify and lithium. Gonna try and lie down close my eyes cuz my head hurts

3am: wakw up tripping can barely type tbis. CEV’s and body heavy, dizzy visual snow room spinning. mild nausea. Feel like am on low second plat Obviously no ones awake cuz its 3am and idk

3:22 AM: I realize i mustve slept thru the peak of the trip as it’s 3am. I don’t mnow if i ever slept or if ive just been laying here in my own head my thoughts are blunted and despite the dozziness nausea and weird statitc snow visuals, it’s working to makw me not fee emotions. still tripping. hard to type

I cant belive i used to be such a dexhead that id go places like id go grocery shopping w frens back in college while off the dxm. Cant belsiwv it. This shit sucks theres way better drugs oit there this aint it

Dont really feel that cold but am shaking shivering

4am: texted a friend who was up at this hour, probably not about anytning super important. im still in the dextroverse but i think maybe im slowly comin down. There’s still visual snow and a jelly-like state about the air and atmosphere around me. I took like a 2nd plat dose and I’ll edit this trip report for more coherency and grammar once am sober

Dxm is bad trips not mentally. Mentally its pretty good but the body high is awful. Dizy and nausea spinning

4:23am: read some online calvin and hobbes comics. i never read those as a kid before but i feel like i can really understand them better somehow while trippin

4:43am: The comedown is the best part, honestly.

5AM: Still tripping, coming down. Compared to the overwhelming love and joy of a (good) mushroom trip, and compared to the depression and lonelieness i feel in my daily life, this is kinda true neutral. i feel nothing, numb. slighly optimistic tho. dont feel depressed atm. dont feel happy either.

5:40 AM: slowwwlllyyyyyy coming down. i try eating a couple spicy chips (carolina realer cheeto) to see if i can still taste, as sense of taste is often greatly diminished on dxm. The cheetos taste bland, and i feel the heat of the spice but no flavor. Sad.

6AM: less dizzy. head hurts less but still barely hurts a little bit just mildly annoying. The room stopped spinning. Am chillin on the couch, no one else awake yet

7AM: don’t think i’m still tripping, i feel a bit faded but it might be the afterglow or just general me being zooted. The sun is rising

1PM : pupils finally went back to normal size

Thoughts: Dxm fucking sucks. I felt a weird emotion that felt like how a chemical smells. Weird and numb and unable to feel anything. Awful body load. Why would you ever do dxm if you can do anything else. Nostalgia is a liar

#sillytripreports #trip report #dxm #dxm hbr #drugs #this was when i relapsed on dxm friday #after not doing it for over 2 years.#i had prior history of dxm abuse

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rantymcranterson · 1 year

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Husband ended up in the hospital not too long ago. Probably would have died if he didnt. On the way he was making dying declarations. Saying he was sorry he didnt spend enough time with me and the kids. That he was sorry he couldn't do better for me. We made it in time and he didnt die thankfully. But he very well could have. And for a moment it seemed to straighten his priorities a bit. (I know that sounds a bit cold but I bawled like a baby and literally carried this 6ft man being a 5ft lady to the car up a hill its just i try not to think hard about the situation anymore bc i cry every time i do)

His job runs him ragged. His grandpa just died and he almost died yet they won't give him rest at all. They still call him in early and act as if he isnt going through some life altering shit. He can manage to call out for himself and for our kids. Hes always been good about that. But when its for me its happened once. Today I got so sick that I can barely function. Im in and out of the bathroom and have been since 5am. I was able to fall asleep after being on the toilet for almost 2 hours. When I woke up my chest felt like it was collapsing it hurt so bad it was hurting into my back. I took some pain reliever and an almost scalding hot bath with epsom salt to help and it took an hour and a half for it to fade enough for me to fall asleep again. (Mind you this morning I asked my husband to call out for me bc i can barely take care of myself today let alone my kids.) I wake up to find that he was getting ready for work. It was only 2 o'clock and he wasnt scheduled til 5. They called him in early to work at 3. Morning shift needed him bc they would be left with only 3 people and they needed a fourth.. even though somehow they can't manage to put more than 3 people on night shift ever.

I feel neglected in so many ways. And its hard to even be mad at him about it bc I know he has it so hard. But I just want to feel as important is that too much to ask?

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imagines-mha · 3 years

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✩ haikyuu x how they are in the morning ✩

Daichi- acts like mornings dont affect him but they do. They really really fuckin do. This poor man is the king of masking his annoyance at everyone until he gets his coffee

Suga- actually a morning person! He doesn’t complain and just keeps his usual composure, says good morning to everyone and does his best to keep the spirits high hes an angel

Asahi- the only time this man will be outwardly rude is before 11am im so sorry. He looks so hot in the morning tho like his hair is down and he has more stubble OOF. will tell you to go away and leave him alone if you open the curtains and let the sunlight in, but he’ll never stop apologising the second he fully wakes up

Noya- WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY. He’s annoying in the morning and he fucking owns it. Will open the curtains and stand on your bed with all the energy in the world. Has definitely led to him getting punched multiple times

Tanaka- not really all there in the morning but he tries his best. Once he’s out of bed hes his usual self but GOD does he complain about EVERYTHING

Ennoshita- usually the one calling the others to wake tf up. He definitely gets 10 hours of sleep every night and wakes up to read and have his breakfast before his day starts. Never late to anything. Nerd

Tsukishima- scrolls on his phone for an hour before dragging himself out of bed. If bitter had a face. Dont fuck with him in the morning because he WILL bring up ur deeply rooted trauma

Yamaguchi- he has the CUTEST yawns in the mornings. Eats his breakfast while half asleep hes so fucking cute. Doesnt complain, but also can't hold a conversation to save his life so dont even try

Kuroo- pretends to be a morning person to annoy his friends. Opens the curtains and CLAPS in their face to wake them up. Like a dad but worse.

Kenma- no. nope. Takes 5 alarms to get him awake and then an entire hour before he even attempts to get out of bed he'd rather die

Lev- doesnt get up unless he wants to. Lev works on a circadian rhythm of his own. If he wants to get up at 7am one day and 3pm the next then so be it

Bokuto- complains the entire way through the morning like a child getting ready for school. Probably falls asleep on 5 different things before gaining consciousness, but can be easily persuaded to come to life if something he likes is brought up

Akaashi- dont even think of communicating with him unless hes had his morning coffee he just wont answer

Oikawa- tries his best to keep positive in the morning to keep that reputation up, but its probably just cus hes living on 3 hours of sleep lmao

Makki- can be persuaded out of bed with baked goods and/or the sunrise. If neither of these things are present, good fucking luck bro

Iwa- gets up every morning at 5am cus hes so dedicated to that grind 😎

Kunimi- mornings and kunimi dont agree. Kinda like kenma in the sense he just wont do them if he doesnt want to. has to be rightfully DRAGGED from bed

Ushijima- early bird like Iwa. Enjoys having his tea and watching the sunrise before going on his morning run

Tendou- does he even sleep? Noone has seen him get out of bed? Hes always somehow just? there?

Semi- grumpy as fuck in the mornings. He has horrible bedhead, he thinks the world is out to get him, he is ready to fight anyone who does so much as make eye contact with him. Pouty as hell

Goshiki- chronic alarm misser. He will set 4 alarms one after the other and sleep through every single one. He is SUCH a cute sleeper though sdcvbnhtres

Atsumu- tells everyone he gets up at 6am to go running. Shocked and appalled when his team finds him sleeping on the floor of the inarizaki gym closet. What the fuck atsumu

Osamu- dont wake him up. He’ll never forgive you. He’ll get up when HE wants to get up.

Kita- the sunrise is the only thing keeping this man going. Usually calls his grandmother in the mornings awh. Makes his team snacks and drinks for the day

Aone- good morning he is an angel. He will literally thank you for waking him up. He isnt different than he usually is, but yawns a lot more. Very polite

Futakuchi- ‼️ walking hellfire do not come into contact ‼️Kamasaki makes it his personal goal to piss futakuchi off every single morning and it works so easily. He will beat you up

Koganegawa- RAY OF SUNSHINE IN THE MORNING. Also makes futakuchi’s life hell but his energy is unmatched i love him

Terushima- he is just a Mess. Will not hesitate to come to school with bedhead and then fall asleep on the desks. Talks like every syllable pains him. Drama queen™️

#oikawa tooru #sugawara kōshi #atsumu miya #ushijima wakatoshi #akaashi keiji #bokuto koutarou #kuroo tetsurou #kenma kozume #hq #haikyuu!!#hq x reader #tendou satori #semi eita #iwaizumi hajime #kita shinsuke #osamu miya #terushima yuuji #daichi sawamura #tsukishima kei

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karda · 3 years

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im great! had a lil holiday today so im gonna spend the whole day trying to finish all my assignments! also i somehow stayed up till like 5:30 am drawing yesterday (or today ig..)

anyway! how has your day been?

-🍪

sorry i didnt answer this! i passed out lol.. good luck on your assignments i hope they went well!!!! and i do that too the only time i draw is like 2-5am when everyones asleep but me its comfy but also exhausting.. my day has been good!!! :-]

#i hope ur day has been good too!!!!#im wearing my favorite kandi so im having happy time :-]]]#asks #🍪 anon

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greatonpaperblog · 4 years

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Transition

Hey, hi. It’s been a particular wild week with a time change, a blue moon, halloween, and in my case, a case of lice on a client that resulted in me needing to shut down my salon unexpectedly to sanitize for hours on end.

But here we are. We made it. I don't have ice cream tonight.. but rather cauliflower bites and buffalo sauce. My mouth is burning, my eyes are watering but my weird cauliflower obsession will see me through. I find this time of year actually nothing short of fucking brutal. In MY opinion, it’s too early to celebrate Christmas (although, I know some would argue that), it’s basically midnight at 4pm which is probably the toughest thing for me because I already find the evenings long and the weather... the WEATHER. It snowed Saturday. It’s 16 degrees today. Gross. So my inner angst has been keeping me awake this past week. I have been up doing laundry at 4am, watching greys anatomy other days at 2am.. amazon Wishlist-ing myself things at 5am. It hasn’t been good. So I've been TRYING to do some things to help.

I went for floatation therapy on Saturday (highly, highly recommend), I booked a facial for today to help battle the maskne I've been fighting so hard and I lined up my favourite podcasts to go through. A combination of the lingering after effects of my float and zzquil got me a great sleep last night so I was fully ready to attack the day today. (I would also like to add that taking zzquil and needing to pee in the middle of the night may result in you falling asleep during said pee and waking up 5 minutes later in your bathroom fully confused and embarrassed).

As I listened through an episode of Anna Faris is Unqualified (yes - Anna Faris from House Bunny, What’s Your Number, Just Friends..etc) she announced that her guest today was a dating expert. I always love when people have experts of any kind on a podcast. It’s like... all of my questions will be answered I just know it. They spoke with a 60 year old man who was looking for love again after divorce and it was really sweet. They helped him realized that although his end goal is a relationship, he should really try to enjoy the dating process and see where that brings him. It was really cute. BUT THEN, Then.. they called a 34 year old woman. This woman was in a small town, had gone on tons of bad dates, wasn't looking to settle, had definitely heard the “you’re too picky” line a lot.. etc. She was a super creative woman who just opened her own etsy shop and had big plans for her future. Not that I couldn’t relate to the 60 year old man.. but holy fuck, did this all scream at me. SO I sat down and I listened. At one point the expert said “What if I told you, everything you wanted will happen. If that's marriage, kids, relationship.. whatever it is.. but your timeline was just later. 5 years down the road. What would you do with your life in the meantime? I guarantee you wouldn’t sit around in your feelings of loneliness, and constant comparison to others. You would build your empire because you would KNOW that what you really want is coming.” I sat there and had this thought. Am I living in the meantime? I mean, I like to think so. Im building my empire. As much as I talk about dating, I know that whatever is meant to be, will inevitably be. I’m pushing myself emotionally and mentally every day. I think I'm on the right track for once.

The way that question was posed to the caller made something that sounded so complicated, so easy. We need to live in the meantime, We need to just somehow manifest that what we want will come. Maybe its a vision board. Maybe you write things down on paper and burn them. Maybe you stick notes under your mattress. Its your way of doing things and that's ok. Why is the concept of believing in ourselves so foreign?

Today is the last day of mercury in retrograde. Tomorrow we get to claim back some clarity. Im going to carve out some time tomorrow evening to think about what I want over the next 5 years and find a way to manifest that shit. I hope you all do too, and find a way to live in your meantimes.

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harryff · 7 years

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Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it! I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges”

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home” her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO! YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again” She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?” “No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!” “I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop” she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake. Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to not draw any attention to herself. When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!” “I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK” She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!”

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: 😁😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!” She grimaced grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!” she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked

“I fell... heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi! we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In the morning her prayers were answered she softly got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes” she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love”

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex… I can take care of myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, "you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article. Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward. She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.

“Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

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sigma315 · 7 years

Text

.its kinda funny to me, how after all these years, after everything is over long long ago, I could only collect a handful of moments to recall and entertain myself in quiet nights. life feels so long and short at the same time, but few moments remain, even though some of them doesnt have any meaning.

.5am in the morning listened to grandparent’s conversation about me. granny complained that I refused to have fish so she had to cook something else. I remember I smiled and quickly fell back asleep, knowing that although mum isnt near, I still have my grandparents, they care and love me.

.one morning in second grade, before I and mum parted because of reasons. she came to grandparent’s house to take me to school, bringing a bag of rice she picked up on the way. some minor accident and the bag got poked. somehow I cried, not because of few grains went to waste, but because I worried if mum got hurt, because I wasnt there to help her. she saw and asked, I lied to her I cried for I didnt do homework today. she got upset with me then scolded me on the way to school. I didnt mind, she seemed all right, thats all mattered.

.first grade, break time, I found myself crying in the corner of the playground. I felt lonely, I didnt have friends. I think it was the first time ever in my life I was so aware of the loneliness. too bad no kid comforted me or even came near to ask. whenever I recall this moment, there is nothing I wish more than a time machine, just to tell the little me to stay strong and stay brave, life is more than just a temporary feeling.

.the first time I tried coffee. I know, I know. but it is the most favorite drink to me, I love it, I still can even recall the flavor of that first coffee. I think, third grade? haha

.one boring sunday afternoon, I looked through family album and saw mum’s second wedding photos, my eyes got welled up with tears because we were parted for years and I miss her, I dont know how long it would last, how long until she could come back to me.

.all those times I recognize Im incomplete, Im different from people around me, that my childhood was so rough, I grow up with a void inside, and how many things went wrong, how many things got out of hands but I was helpless. then, at the end of the day, I only have myself, better stay strong, at least, for myself.

.dec 24th 2010, our last happy christmas. it was a cold night, we bought ourselves a small chocolate log cake, sat next to each other in that warm coffeehouse near your place, had cold iced coffee, and talked. about everything. you, me, our plans next year, crowded streets tonight, other couples. we came back to your place, it was still early, the night was still young, I was in your arms, and we both fell asleep. half an hour passed, I woke up to you still in your nap, life seemed to go slow-mo while I was laying there in your arms thinking of how I ended up here with you, with your warmth spreading to my skin, so quiet, and peaceful.

.a rainy night in the summer of 2012, we already broke up for few months. I refused to meet and talk to anyone. curled up in bed looking at the rain outside the window. “coming back to life” was played, and I wondered if/when I could do the same. “for killing the past and coming back to life”. tears fell just as much as that cold dark rain, seeing almost every part of me fell and shattered to pieces.

.spring 2014. walking downtown hand in hand with you, another one who made me feel that I made it, “coming back to life”. a breath of relief, it seemed like I picked myself up, and be able to open up my heart one more time. future was unknown, but I knew I grew up, I survived.

.all those times on my knees catching teardrops in my bare hands. all those times on my knees picking up pieces of my life that being shattered again, and all over again. all those times sitting in the dark thinking about you, or you, and you, people who came, and went, and walked away, telling myself I still have myself at the end of the day, better stay strong, at least, for myself.

.summer 2017. you told me to think of good things you have ever done to me, for me, because of me. its like thousand of stingray’s tail pierced through me at the same time. a “so painful but thank you for ending my suffering” situation, honestly.

.moments knowing you are there for me, but not here.

#moment #random #night

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sin-scythes-and-assaults · 7 years

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Family Sucks: The Rant (tm)

When I see posts and videos that are like ‘aw my mum/dad/carer are so cool I relate to them so much we’re best friends!!! !! !! ! ! !! !! !!!!’ I wanna just cry tbh because I know that I will never have anything like that??? I feel like I need to get the whole story out for whoever is reading this to understand so I guess ill start with my dad. My dad, for lack of a better term, is an arsehole. For all his claims that ‘you’re my child of course I love you!’, he really had a problem showing that. When I think of him, I don't think about the now-obvious attempts to win us over in some silent war between my mum and him - I think of how he’d ask me what I did at school (aged 6), and then completely ignore what I said, saying a quiet ‘uh huh, yeah, sounds great!’ as he sat on his phone in the car waiting for my older sister. I’d remember the disinterest he had towards us in terms of our hobbies and interests, and even discouraged me at times because the things I wanted to do ‘weren’t suitable for a girl’ (it was fishing. I wanted to learn how to fucking fish like both of my brothers, and he said no because I was a girl. I had to teach myself and save up for months to buy my own rod, bearing in mind I was about 8-10yo at the time). I’d remember the screaming matches at 3 in the morning with my mother, who I didn't realise was actually standing up for herself for once. My mum, when I was younger, wasn't much different. However, she had a reason, and I excuse her for it. She used to work full time as a nurse, with very limited pay, and had to look after my three siblings and I, not to mention provide for a father who did next to nothing about the house, but contributed greatly to the bills. She was tired - and I don't mean ‘yawn ooh I'm a little bit sleepy’. I mean. Tired. She tried not to fall asleep during mealtimes, knowing that in a few hours she’d have to go on another 11 hour shift. She’d take sleep where she could, but it wasn't enough because she had to look after four of us and a father who was barely there. We were a poor family, mainly because my dad refused to help with anything other than the mortgage and the electricity and gas bills. He didn't pay for food for a family of 6 every week, my mum did, and she barely made enough money as it was. Also, I don't know why, but I have always thought that, to some extent, these severe money problems were my fault. Don't ask why, I just thought they were. She tried to connect with all of us while she could, but I think that because I was the youngest, I was the last priority. I felt excluded from the whole family, being constantly picked on by my older brothers and my sister, too. My self worth also went down when I made friends with a certain girl in my year at school. She abused me. She hit me, slapped me across the face, bit me and dug her nails into my skin until I bled. This happened regularly. I still have a scar on my hand when she decided to make me play a ‘cute game’ where one person was basically to hurt themselves until the other person completed a task. (I wont go into details about this game bc its fucking horrible) She didn't even properly tell me what was happening, only to ‘trust her’, and I ended up getting hurt for it. She humiliated me in front of someone I had a crush on for almost a year multiple times, called me fat (which prompted me to have a very bad diet consisting of only one small meal a day and nothing else, thinking it would make me attractive), worthless, and blackmailed me into staying in contact with her, even until about 4 or 5am most nights. This took a toll on my mental health, and I started to self harm. Life sucked, I finally confronted her about it with my best friend, and she fucked off, claiming she was the victim. I managed to stop self harming. Things got better. But!! !!! !!!! ! A few years later I fell out with my Best friend over something (I cant even remember what??? I'm p sure it was my fault though and I still feel fucking terrible) and we didn't talk to each other again (I recently got in contact with her though and she’s still as amazing as ever. I missed her so much) Fast forward to the second half of 2014, where my parents arguing had come to a head (bearing in mind, the reason for said fighting was kept from me until only a few months ago) and my dad had permanently moved out. They got a divorce and now live miles away from each other. My dad, being the glorious fuckwit he is, decided to give us a total of 3 months to sell our house, find a new one to buy that was more affordable and could house 5 people (which was simply impossible) and move in. This is because he decided to stop paying the mortgage , and we had three ‘paid’ months left until it essentially got repo’d, unless we find this magical fantasy house he left us to find. As you can imagine, it didn't go well. We did manage to sell our house, but we had to lower the price drastically so the snotty family that bought it would actually consider it (they were arseholes too). So we had limited money from the sale of our house to buy the one we had picked out, which was now too expensive for us. We didn't get the rest of the money in time. We ended up homeless for a year, but fortunately, my gran had a big house. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough room for us all, even if we shared. My eldest brother, Dominic, was essentially ‘booted out’ to go live with his girlfriend and her family because he was ‘expected to’. We hardly see him now. (I miss him) I had to share a room with multiple family members, so I had no privacy at all. The only time I was alone was when I was in the shower. Meanwhile, my gran was picking apart my school life, my hobbies and my interests, saying that what I wanted out of my future wasn't worthwhile. I had to deal with this for a year. A year. I relapsed into self harm, almost went through with killing myself on multiple occasions, and thought about genuinely just up and running just so I could leave all the shit behind. We found a house. It was a shithole and the seller was wanting way more than it was worth -It was all we could afford. We bought it. We had to spend thousands damp proofing the whole house because the guy lied and said he had done it. We had to spend thousands on new windows because they had severe problems and were letting in currents of water when it rained. There was rot beneath the floor and in the attic so we had to spend hundreds to get it redone. We became very very poor again. I could hear my mum crying herself to sleep at night again. If we had been any more in debt we would have had to sell this house just months after getting it. My room is so small I cant lie out on my floor without my feet hitting a wall, the walls are so thin that I can hear my sister breathing as she sleeps in the room across the hall. I began to collect plants. They depended on me, they needed me, and that's the kind of responsibility that I needed - something wanted me. I had something to look forward to at the end of the day. I had mini hydrangeas, a trellis with honeysuckle and jasmine by my window, lavender, lemonbalm, everything. I knew what their individual needs and wants were and in turn they helped me sleep at night. They started to die. My mum had decided to spray them with a pesticide that was too ‘strong’ for them, and in the wrong places. Their leaves started to rot and they all. Died. I still act to this day that it wasn't a big deal, that it was just a silly mistake, but I know that I wont ever find that same happiness again????? I think about those plants sometimes and somehow I always bring the blame around to me and I don't understand why I do that with everything?? Regardless, I was fucking sad and my mum started to bitch about it. Then, I find out a few months ago that the reason that my mum and dad got a divorce was because my dad had been cheating since at least the mid 90′s. since a few years before I was born. For 18 fucking years he had been cheating, all with different women apparently, and I had been fucking clueless. Again, because I'm a self-depreciating piece of shit, I brought the blame back to me and tell myself ‘if you noticed sooner you could've said to ma and she wouldn't have had to go through that shit’ but the thing is, I know I wouldn't have realised because I didn't know any different??? And when I tried to talk to my ma about it one thing she said was that ‘there were faults on both sides’ and now that's got me thinking ‘what if she cheated too?’ If it turns out she has, I seriously don't know what I'm going to do??? because shes made it out all these years that they've been divorced that my dad is the ‘bad guy’ and I don't know what I'm going to do if I find out the woman I've been heralding as ‘strong and brave’ for standing up to that kind of behaviour from my dad did the same thing And it scares me so much Who knows I might add to this later through an edit but now im in a rlly sad place n I wanna stop

#don't rb #ciod an ifrinn #mmmm gotta love that excluded feeling

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lugoisnumerouno · 5 years

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I had a crazy ass nightmare today

I was dreaming that I was with this person and that we broke into an abandoned pool that was in this well kept mansion that was supposably empty. I was really feeling this person in the back of my head but I could tell that the person wasn't feeling me. In my distracted state somehow I didn't realize that there was someone in the mansion and that they were toying with us, treating the place like an escape room and my friend didn't know what was going on and was oblivious and I was freaking out internally bc I knew what was going on. Somehow it seemed like we went outside but we were really still inside the mansion and when we were “outside” we were at my parents house. But not the current address that they live in right now, they were at my tias house when we lived with them and it seemed like we were either living there all along or we were just visiting but we wouldn't have been just visiting because my mom was washing the dishes and she would never do household chores in that house because of what happened before so that means that yes, somehow we never moved out of there and just stayed there. It was me seeing what we would look like briefly if we still lived there, I saw my uncles face through the window and I saw my brother playing. I was outside in the backyard in the house hiding for some reason. I was hiding because I was with that person and I didn't want my family to see him. My brother came outside to the backyard but when he came outside he was not his current age, he was much younger like 5 or 4. He was 4. and he saw me crouching and hiding and he asked me what i was doing and if i wanted to play with him and I said i was busy and basically shooed him away gently telling him to keep my presence a secret and to not tell mom I was home. Somehow my friend, this person wasn't by my side anymore and was in his car outside the house but I was still hiding in the backyard and when i was sneaking out of the house going to the street, he was gone. He was long gone. And I was by myself outside my tias house and I don't remember this part exactly but then I got into another car and I was hiding in the back without my seatbelt on and the car was whipping back and forth wilding out and I was scared and wondering why he left. I couldn't believe that he left. Somehow I'm back in the abandoned mansion and Im hiding again except this time its in the mansion and I'm alone. Feeling confused as to why my friend left and I saw him post pictures of us at the pool earlier talking about how it was a good time and I was screaming in my mind I was like NO IM STILL AT THE PLACE, I DIDNT LEAVE, IM STILL HERE AT THE MANSION. and then i was fighting the owner mastermind for my life and I was really fighting really hard and somehow I knock him out and shoot him and I finally run outside the place. And its beautiful outside its golden hour, the air was fresh and the yard was green and ginormous. It was a cozy front yard and there was a basketball hoop and there were kids playing in the street. I run outside all beat up and tired from what happened and as I go past the gate and enter the street I pass by the ambulances and the firefighters who got to the scene. to them i looked like a normal kid playing around just running down the street literally right in front of the house to the side but they didn't take notice of me, it was like I blended into the crowd or I was invisible. I barely escaped with my life and my sanity. And thats the end of the dream. I woke up scared and nervous. I texted the friend the person I was with and called them twice telling them i wanted to talk. And its like 5am at this point so i went straight to voicemail and I wanted to call him and tell him that I did want to be his friend. That I didn't want him to leave that I wanted to be his friend, I want him to be in my life but he didn't pick up. He called me later idk at like 6am and half asleep I told him I still wanted to be his friend and he asked why and I told him I just wanted to be his friend. I still want to be your friend and the Why question really struck me it blinded me in the most literal sense. I think I said some more things and then he said he would talk to me later and I went back to bed. To make sense of this nightmare I think I'm scared and I just want to be normal. I just want the simple things. I realized that he couldn't help me when I was fighting the mastermind and to relate that to reality he can't help me with my own demons. And he couldn't see the demons or the scary side of the movie because it was all in my head, it was me that was targeted and affected. And the post signifies that life goes on. I also think the ending scene of my nightmare was so beautiful, so beautiful. It was freedom.

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actual-leia-organa · 7 years

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Huddy ofc but real huddy not the crap david shore huddy

Right @macsturbating apologies first up because you sent this before my trip and I just never sat down and answered it because I’m a lazy shit tbh but now Im trying to write fic and I’m stuck so you get this instead

((Also holy shit it got really long so I’m apologising in advance))

Who said “I love you” first - trick answer. House said it first, but Cuddy was fast asleep and didn’t hear him, and he’d never admit to it anyway, and was shocked at himself for it slipping out. He hadn’t said it since Stacy, but watching Cuddy peacefully sleep, curled up beside him, the words felt like the most natural thing in the word. The first to say it when both of them are awake is Cuddy, after tearing herself up for a week about whether she was ready to say those words and whether House was ready to hear them. Once they were said, he accepted it in his typical Housian way, no “I love you too”- not for a long time. And whilst they both knew the love was there, they weren’t constantly showering “I love you”s on each other, because that’s not how they operate.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background - well, Cuddy would want a photo of them as her background, but would fight with herself as to whether that meshes with her ultra-professional-at-all-times appearance. And she’d have pictures of them- the two of them, as well as ‘family’ shots with Rach, filling up her camera roll, and eventually on display in her office, but I don’t think she’d ever have her lockscreen as a personal photo. Ditto with House- he’d think he’d gone soft, and that everyone else would also think he’d gone soft. Plus, the photos on his camera roll would absolutely be like terrible sneak shots of Cuddy asleep and half snoring, or her with smudged make up on a Saturday morning, or that time she split coffee down her blouse when she was running late, and a multitude of photos that would make her squeal House delete that! (Which she also screamed at him after he managed some sneaky lingerie shots, because, well, he’s House) As well as stacks of Rachel selfies when he’d let her play Fruit Ninja on his phone. And instead of having Cuddy/Him + Cuddy/Him + Cuddy + the Spawn as his lockscreen he’d select the absolutely worst photo he had of Cuddy to appear whenever she called him.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror - well fingerprints make stubborn ass marks on mirrors and windows, so there is no way in hell Cuddy would be doing that. That’s purely a House behaviour, and one she tries to train out of him, because he’d shower and leave some dirty message on her mirror, and once the fog cleared there would be smudges on the mirror and that would be all she could see when doing her make up, and she would guiltily apologise to her cleaner about the “state of the bathroom mirror” but the tables are turned when they’re having some fun in the shower and she leaves handprints on the shower screen. Those she can smirk at, because of the memories with them.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts - more like who steals the other cheesy gifts, because its canon that this is House. Cuddy would stress herself senseless over gifts for him- he’s curated his environment, both at work and at home, and has very particular interests. There’s only so many vintage medical texts you can buy your significant other. She would only do gifts on significant occasions, versus House who would saunter home with a stuffed toy because it reminded me of you or to say sorry for the procedure I’m about to ask for. He would also buy the most amazing gifts for Rachel, to the point where Cuddy would worry he was outright spoiling her, only to realise that was how he would best express affection- he struggled to voice his feelings, was often physically distant, but with gifts he had no issues. On special occasions though he could give a perfect gift- perfectly suited to the receiver, and often a unique or sentimental object.

Who initiated the first kiss - this one’s a double hitter, because there were two “first kisses” in my mind- Michigan and Help Me. And Cuddy instigated them both (get it gurl). Michigan, she’d encountered the blue-eyed enigmatic genius in the bookstore, his eyes burning hers as he scanned her schedule and summed her up in 10 seconds. She’d followed him to endocrinology, he’d followed her to the party, although he’d never admit it. Greg House doesn’t follow girls. He especially doesn’t follow under-grads. But somehow he found himself at the party, where the music was terrible, and too loud, and the beer approaching flat and tepid. But when he caught the swing of her hips as she strolled through the kitchen it suddenly seemed worth it. And when she grabbed his arm on her way past, well, he was a sure thing. He couldn’t even tell you the first song they danced to, he was so entranced by watching her move. The musician in him appreciated how she seemed to just move with the rhythm, but the man in him appreciated how her hips swayed, how her hands felt as they left glancing touches on his arms, how her lips parted as she mouthed the words. But the beat slowed, and there they were, her hands resting on his shoulders as his hands settled on her petite waist. He could definitely tell you this song, its burned into his memory along with every move they made. As Time After Time faded into silence, his hands loosened and slid down to her hips, as her hands laced behind his head and pulled it down, as Cuddy raised up on her toes to press her lips to his. He could taste her cherry gloss, she could taste the cheap beer he’d been downing, but as they both leaned into it suddenly nothing else existed but them. He breathlessly asked her if she wanted to get out of there, and she felt full of daring when she replied “your place or mine?”. That was how they found themselves falling into Cuddy’s bed, half naked with clothes strewn around. And when he didn’t call the next day, Cuddy tried to act like it was nothing, just a casual one night stand, when inside she was mourning all that she’d hoped for. And so the kiss at the end of Help Me was Cuddy giving in, letting college-Cuddy try and realise her dream of a relationship- a real, grown up relationship- with Gregory House. But unlike college, where she roughly grabbed his head and smashed their faces together, this is an older, wiser, more experienced Lisa Cuddy, and as she reaches for his face she smiles softly as he leans into her touch, his stubble gently scratching her palm. She runs her hand through his thinning hair and he willingly lowers to meet her. It’s soft, and mutual, and a little hesitant, as if neither of them can believe they’re truly at this place, but each feeling like the twenty years it took to get there were totally worth it.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning - depends on your definition of morning. House’s sleep schedule is…the opposite of a schedule. He’ll stay awake for 3 days straight on a case, then sleep for 2. He’ll stay awake until 3am reading a journal article, be woken by Cuddy at 5am, then catch catnaps in the clinic. So there’s two answers here. If “morning” is any time after midnight, the answer is House. He’ll sit in the lounge, engrossed in the latest neurology journal, barely tearing his eyes away as Cuddy kisses him goodnight on her way to bed. He’ll finish the article at close to 3am, and slowly limp down the hallway, pausing in the doorway to watch Cuddy sleep, smiling at how she hugs his pillow in his absence. He’ll change for bed, and softly sit, leaning over to gently press a kiss to Cuddy’s lips, feeling her respond as she’s pulled from sleep, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him down to her. Once they settle in together, Cuddy’s alarm will go off at 5am sharp, causing House to groan as Cuddy stretches out like a cat next to him, always turning to gently kiss him, as if apologising for the disturbance. He’ll always respond, but then its anyone’s guess as whether he’ll fully awaken or roll over and snore within seconds.

Who starts tickle fights - House. He discovered in college just how ticklish Lisa Cuddy is, and the adorable giggle she lets out when tickled. He also kinda likes how it feels when she squirms against him and that exasperated “House!” she puffs out whilst trying to fight him. He’ll usually do it when they’ve been settled in together and he feels his distinct brand of boredom set in- which seems it coincide with every time Cuddy wants to relax with a BBC boxset. They’ll be on the couch, cozied up, an hour into the latest period drama, when House would slide his hand down her side and start to tickle just below her ribs. She’d push his hand away with an annoyed huff, but within 5 minutes it would be back, and she’d be giggling and squirming enough for him to get the other side. The only reason it doesn’t become a full out tickle war is that House only has one weak spot- the soles of his feet. And the one time Cuddy tried it she caused his thigh to spasm as he pulled away, making for a very sudden end to their tickle fight, and their entire plan for the evening. He’ll pretend to be ticklish for Rachel though, when she attempts to tickle him by poking at his ribs, something Cuddy is eternally grateful for- she loves when he plays along with Rach.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower - well, House would never ask, he’d just barge in. Especially at Cuddy’s house, where the shower is spacious enough for them to get creative. So this one goes to Cuddy, who shyly asks may I join you? the first time she stays the night at his apartment, which he considers slightly ridiculous since they jumped straight into a bath together, and he tells her as much. She snarks back that she was being considerate of his leg since he was still dealing with the aches and pains from crawling around a collapsed building, and heaven forbid she think he mightn’t want an audience whilst attempting to get in and out of the shower, plus its more difficult for two people to shower when its over a bath (he doesn’t to think about how she knows that), but whatever, House, be offended over a simple request. He huffs, slightly annoyed at how she’s already making concessions for his leg (which seems to dig a bit more now that she’s his girlfriend, not just his boss), and sighs fine. come join me. I suppose you can catch me if I slip which triggers their first stupid fight, learning that they don’t hold back the punches when they’re both tired and sore.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch - Cuddy, bringing House ruebens during the day when he’s caught up with a case and forgets to eat. On the flip side, House will order delivery to Cuddy’s office and wander down to join her when he notices her pulling overtime, coming to give her a break and needle her to come home with him. Wilson feels slightly put out when he realises that Cuddy has suddenly taken over the ‘feed House’ duties, to which House rolls his eyes and sighs, reminding Wilson that he’ll always be required, and he hasn’t been replaced.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date - House and Cuddy love to laugh over how they did everything in the wrong order. They slept together, then Cuddy adopted, then they tried a relationship, all over the course of twenty-plus years. Everything backwards, and no first date. House never asked Cuddy out, or vice versa. Which, when pointed out to them, neither feel the urge to ‘correct’. What they have works for them. They go out to dinner, sometimes driving there in separate cars from the hospital, sometimes just going for a drink, sometimes staying in and ordering take out. But the date that really mattered, the date that felt like a date, the date where a velvet box was burning a hole in House’s pocket, was the one and only time that Gregory House felt nervous. And it showed- Cuddy picked up on it in seconds, which resulted in throwing his whole plan out the window and he ended up proposing on Cuddy’s doorstep, not even making it to the restaurant- and they didn’t make the reservation as all, as once the ring was on Cuddy’s finger she pulled him into the hallway and they barely made it to the bedroom.

Who kills/takes out the spiders - both of them take care of insects. Lisa Cuddy isn’t the kind of woman to scream at the sight of creepy crawlies, and she’s lived alone long enough that she just deals with it herself. Same deal with House, although he has to take his leg into account if he’s going to attempt gymnastics to catch or kill an insect. The only time he’s banned from dealing with insects is when Rach is around, because he’ll catch it and turn it into a biology lesson. It took “and after copulating, the girl rips the boy’s head off, mom!” to implement that rule, with a steely look at House across the dinner table.

Who loudly proclaims their love when drunk - House didn’t need to actually be with Cuddy to announce to a whole hospital that they slept together, and it took Cuddy formally announcing their relationship to HR for anyone to believe him, but strangely House is always quiet about his true feelings, and even more so when it comes to how he feels about Cuddy. Sure, he’ll joke about her ass, and make crude jokes about their sex life, but the day Wilson confronts him with christ, House, you really love her, don’t you he can’t even lift his eyes from the floor as he nods slowly, swallowing heavily as he softly replies more than I’ve ever loved anyone. House quietly proclaims his love, hiding his deep feelings behind his brash and bravado. It’s Cuddy who, after one too many champagnes at the first hospital fundraiser she drags House to, who slurs loud enough for 90% of the attendees to hear, I absholutely love you, Gregry Housh whilst House blushes under his collar at her, stunned that she has no qualms with people knowing she’s chosen him, that she loves him. And as he drives her home, he softly asks, did you mean it Cuddy? Do you really…love me? and she rolls her eyes, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, putting her hand on his, meeting his eyes, and almost whispering, with the slight slur of champagne, I love you. It’s taken me twenty years, but I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and I love you. House leans over to kiss her and is rewarded with a honk from the car behind them as he ignores a green light.

#house md #house headcanons #gregory house #lisa cuddy #this is terrible ignore me

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burritobuoy · 7 years

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my disgusting roommate called me a woman yesterday and said that it was her own freedom of speech to call me that and to out me to her homophobic mother who stayed at our place over the weekend and this was all bc i moved the shit that was hers in my part of the fridge to her part of the fridge after asking her to stop putting her things there but bc im not there a lot she somehow feels entitled to my space????? she thinks we flaunt our gender identities and sexualities all bc when she was viewing the place my ex roommate let her know that im trans and not to call me she/her/woman, which i think is pretty reasonable. I cant understand coming into a queer space where there are ALWAYS queer people around and having so much internalized shit that you think its fine to say this. She also thinks shes entitled to me being more than civil to her (good fuckin luck after yesterday), which im ALWAYS perfectly fuckin nice and have been since she moved in but my energy is at 0 bc of work and people and stress. i almost physically fought her yesterday but im glad i didnt bc i bet id be in a lot of trouble for that. I talked to the landlord and he says we can just kick her out of the house bc shes not on the lease. i genuinely dont feel safe there she keeps letting her sister come in and eat our food and walk around when shes a goddamn stranger to us. im nineteen and this is a goddamn thirty year old woman treating me like this and shes so awfully petty and rude and childish its fuckin wild i got rly drunk last night bc i was so distraught and just Feelin Awful but i couldnt sleep and i woke up at 5am and have a headache and havent been able to fall asleep again 🙃

#personal #transphobia 7644

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isasoumas · 7 years

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1.) Does your Five speak? If not, why not? nope! they cannot. they got in a car crash a year or two pre-apocalypse and (makes vague hand motions and mumbles something about smoke damage to vocal chords) no voice. im not a doctor. they know asl (bc theyre from america), they started learning it to entertain themselves while bedridden. sam picks it up after ‘a voice in the dark’ bc “were friends now, we should be able to talk!” idk how different asl and bsl are or if they’d be able to find resources on asl in england i haven’t thought that deeply about it but it’s probably fine. adrien gets by through a combination of signing to their close friends who have learned it, whispering, writing notes, and complicated games of charades, depending on the situation. its a whole system. 2.) Who are your Five’s best friends? (rolls out a mile long sheet of paper) ok so. sam, because duh, they support each other through everything. simon’s their partner in crime; the devil on their shoulder to sam’s angel. adrien’s really close to maxine, too, and paula increasingly after s3. they have a huge amount of respect for janine, but dont consider her a “friend” until s4 or so. sara’s a hugely important mentor and source of inspiration. they weren’t rly friends with jaimie bc he wasn’t around abel long, but they wanted to be. jody’s a good pal, too. and they really like tom and want to make up for, like, everything that happened to him in s4 and before. i could do this all fuckin day honestly but i don’t think i’m missing anyone major so i’ll stop. the actual Best Friends Tier is probably sam, simon, sara, maxine. 3.) Does your Five have any love interests? 5amon ride or fucking die. obvi their current relationship w simon is. complicated but i think it could be repaired. they def still care about him. and i don’t need to qualify 5am like Come On. 4.) Who does your Five not hang out with outside of work? there’s not many people they outright dislike. they’re a forgiving person to a fault lmao. like. sam does something to mess with them in d&d and adrien won’t speak to him for a week, but someone tries to kill them? i mean they had their reasons, i’m sure. actually the only big one i can think of is the major? not that they don’t respect her, but her mentality of treating people as soldiers and resources instead of people doesn’t sit right with them. they know its /necessary/ but that doesn’t mean they /like/ it. 5.) What kind of hairstyle does your Five sport? just kinda. short n’ layered. black, they’re a good portion native american. probably chippewa, mid-michigan. they let it grow out until it falls in their eyes too much or until they start putting it in tiny ugly ponytails and someone steps in. naga and i outlined a whole fiasco of them asking simon to cut it once and him giving them a bowl cut. it earns him the silent treatment for weeks and no one without a medical license is allowed to cut adrien’s hair ever again. 6.) What is your Five’s relationship to Abel D&D night? they’re super into it. they play an elven rouge who hates everything except money and his friends. this is also one of the situations where they unashamedly like. bang on the table or sth when they have an Idea that Must Be Heard. 7.) What’s one wacky headcanon about Abel? THIS IS REALLY HARD im kind of stealing nagas answer but i just have a bunch of little things about what they get up to as people trying to keep joy alive in the apocalypse. goofy holiday parties and meme wars on rofflenet. this is less wacky but i really like the idea that runners just Get each other in a way other people at abel don’t. like they have symbols and things they leave in the field, they have certain sensitive topics they never bring up, without discussion, they sit on each others bunks whispering their hopes and fears until they ‘accidentally’ fall asleep on each other. no one questions it or teases. sometimes you just don’t want to spend the night alone in the dark. that wasn’t wacky that was emo and gay. 8.) What’s one wacky headcanon about your Five? dang this is hard, too. um. they use signing to gossip a lot. for a while sam’s the only one who knows it and they can talk shit literally behind janine’s back. she she starts catching onto words like “hardass” and “strict” and they start making up codes until they’re signing shit like “the beaver jumped over the fence again, can you believe it?” simon only starts learning because he’s pretty sure they’re openly mocking him. (they are.) 9.) How did your Five end up at Mullins base? good question my dude. um. they’re american, they were taking their last semester of college abroad when the apocalypse hit. maybe their university advised them to do there? maybe they just ran for the nearest place that sounded defensible? don’t worry about it. 10.) What doesn’t your Five miss about the pre-apocalypse world? cars. their accident left them with a huge fear of them. they can’t drive, they can only really ride in a car if they’re reading or on their phone or somehow distracting themselves from ever looking out the window. walking everywhere being a necessity and not a weird quirk is a blessing. and just the volume of people? they have a Thing about being talked over or drowned out because they were a really passive kid, and just when they started finding their metaphorical voice as a person, they lost their literal voice. in the apocalypse there’s just less people to talk to at a time. its a lot easier to snap their fingers or sth and be like “hey, you interrupted me.”

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fiyabwal · 7 years

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I cant ever seem to fall asleep before fucking 4-5am. And i can never get more than 4-5 hours sleep or so anymore and all its doing is just fucking with me because im literally losing track of time and i cant remember anything anyone tells me and i feel like im fucking losing it half the time.

Like nothing helps, ive tried setting alarms to force reset my day. melatonin, gravol, or general pain meds and whatever else i can think of that normally make me tired and everything makes it worse somehow. Either i wake up half paralyzed and exhausted or i have such vivid nightmares that it takes me more than 5 minutes to remember none of it happened and calm down.

Like fuck this shit, i havent had anything but nightmares for fucking 5+ years, not a single fucking dream or even anything that could be considered remotely normal where i dont have to watch everyone around me or even just myself dying over and over again.

Because yeah half the fucking times my nightmares dont play by the rules and guess what, i dont fucking wake up whenever i or whoever is in there with me 'die' it just fucking resets the nightmare and makes me go through it like 70% aware of whats coming and no matter what i fucking do the general theme is either me or someone close to me dying horribly over and over until im finally able to break out and try to adjust back to normal

I just want off this fucking ride from hell...

#not like anyone gives a fuck #but i feel like i gotta put it out there #in case i just go 'missing' from here #but again not like anyone gives a fuck #because i dont even think anyone i know even remotely cares #but why the fuck would anyone anyways?#literally everyone i knew fucked off when i got sick.#girlfriend included #so yeah theres thise issues which im not gonna fucking touch on right now #what the fuck ever anyways #just keep scrolling

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