#ive been single since forever that's not an issue anymore

[effervescentbee]

More punkflower rambles because the panic still hasn't set in

So miles likes to draw his crushes, right? He'll fill his sketchbooks with just that person and draw them on walls while doing graffiti, but what if him drawing his crushes didn't end at that?

We've all drawn on a school paper or in our notebooks at least once, just absentmindedly doodling while the teacher talks and stuff. So, what if miles drew Hobie on his assignments in class?

What if, before he met Hobie and still had a crush on Gwen she would be the person who he constantly drew on his assignments. His teachers would recognize her since she briefly went to the school and in the teachers lounge they would sometimes bring it up

They'd be like "you know that miles kids? Yeah, the one that draws Gwen all the time" and it was just common knowledge between the teachers that it wasn't possible to grade an assignment of his without seeing a Gwen drawing

Then miles disappears for a few days while the whole spot thing is happening and when he gets back he has a mountain of work to catch up on. By this time he doesn't have a crush on Gwen anymore so when he turns all his work in it's without any Gwen drawings

The teachers are a bit shocked by this but ignore it and assume it's because he had so much work and couldn't afford to waste a single second

Then a days go by and the lack of Gwen drawing is really bizarre to them. They talk about it a bit in the teachers lounge but they don't do much cause it isn't their place to be interrogating him about his love life

Then miles begins drawing Hobie on his school work. The teachers are again shocked and once again talk a bit about it. It quickly becomes the new normal to see drawings on Hobie everywhere on his assignments

One day there would be a 'new student' roaming the halls. The teachers see him the first day he arrives and don't pay any attention to him because he isn't in any of their classes

They get suspicious when they realize that they see this kid inconsistently and they've never seen him go into a class, they only see him at lunch hanging out with Miles or in the halls

They then realize that he's the guy miles has been drawing and that he's not supposed to be at the school at all.

Once they realize this that they can't just let them wander into the school whenever he wants because safety issues and stuff so every week there's a chase for Hobie by the security guards

Miles of course gets interrogated about this cause he obviously knows Hobie but he refuses to say anything and insists he doesn't know him

Then one day security catch Hobie and bring miles into the office and interrogate them again but they both deny knowing each other

The principal then pulls out a box full of miles classwork that has drawings of Hobie and so they're caught

And Hobie is shocked and forever teases miles about that and miles is threatened by the school with detention and a call home if they catch Hobie at school again

Ngl I wrote all that just because the idea of the principal placing a stack of papers with a bunch of Hobie drawing Infront of miles and Hobie is so funny to me

I went into this with only the goal of incorporating that part and Ive just been going on and on about the first thing that pops into my mind and this probably makes no sense

#miles molares #punkflower #hobie brown #hobie x miles #miles x hobie

[ughh-m]

how is it that i find myself alone on the new year's eve every single year.

#and i mean alone alonee #everyone is busy family and friends #ive been single since forever that's not an issue anymore #BUT IT'S FKN LONELY UGH

[angelspenance]

Prompt: AruYuki + Pink in the Night

"And I know I've kissed you before, but

I didn't do it right

Can I try again, try again, try again"

Rewrite verse bc if I did canon adjacent I don’t think I could Take It. Also u know its bad when after all the other essays ive typed out i put a readmore on This One.

To begin with it’s… nothing much. Or at least that’s what they both try to think. Yuki sits at the side of Aru’s hospital bed at two in the morning still trying to process why they’d ever take a knife to the back from Yuki’s own father to protect his mother. And Yuki doesn’t know at all how to feel about, well, Anything. He’s grateful but at the same time he’s… concerned. If anything he doesn’t want Aru to suffer the fallout of his own family’s personal issues despite the fact Aru probably saved his mother’s life. And… fine. Maybe just maybe Aru has wormed their way into Yuki’s heart and thoughts and the blood rapidly pulsing through his veins as he takes their hand in his. “Thank you,” Yuki says aloud in nothing more than a whisper to make sure they don’t wake up. A coward as always, he thinks to himself as he thanks Aru in the only way that feels right to him: a kiss on the lips. And it tastes like a hospital and their lips are unnervingly cold against his, but it’s gentler and longer than anything he’s given Yuno, who’s been disturbingly quiet as well as respectful of Yuki’s space since Aru found her alone in her house after the kidnapping fiasco, to the point of allowing him time alone with Aru “your mans a hottie” Akise. And maybe it’s more than just a thanks. Yuki allows himself against his better judgment to brush some of their hair out of their face and hold their hand a little longer. He remains at their bedside but makes sure there’s no indication of his actions should they wake. And of course Aru’s been semi conscious the whole time but so out of it on pain meds they think the whole thing is a sick dream; a fabrication of a reality they could only ever pray for. So neither of them speak of it, despite the fact Minene saw the moment of truth but figured it would be best for the two to figure it out on their own accord.

The next time it’s Yuki slumped unconscious in Aru’s arms after having been thrown back into a wall by an explosion while distracting the mayor’s men so Yuno could snipe him in the vault. Blood runs from the corner of his mouth and his nose as Aru runs their fingers through his hair and mutters desperately “please wake up please wake up please Yuki… please don’t leave me” with no avail to the point where, even with Minene and Nishijima and Mao and Hinata and Kousaka looking on, they cup his cheek and choke out “I never got to tell you that I…” and they close the narrow gap between their lips and his, tears mingling with blood as Aru barely audibly says “I love you, Yuki; I’m completely undone without you. Please just… know this in your heart.” And with that Yuki coughs and shakes and his eyes flutter open to make out the dust in Aru’s hair and the blood smudged against their face from his; it tones down their otherwise borderline angelic appearance in Yuki’s eyes between the crimson eyes and halo of a mess of hair against their skin marred over with scars like constellations. More tears, a genuine “Yuki you’re alive!” that outdoes their last given after being kidnapped, a thousand thoughts in a mind still buzzed from being unconscious interrupted by a single clear I don’t care, a thumb numbly caressing their cheek and wiping a smudge of blood off of their pale skin, a pair of lips clumsily colliding with theirs but they’re so relieved and downright ecstatic to the point where the taste of coppery blood and dust means less than nothing to them, a quiet “I love you too; I think I have for a while now,” an embrace that threatens to crack his ribs and a few barely contained sobs. Minene ruefully tearing her eyes away from Nishijima for a brief second to say “let’s get a move on, lovebirds” and a flash of Mao’s camera are the only thing that breaks the two of them apart from an embrace best described as “if I let my grasp loosen I’m sure you and this moment will both disappear.”

Yuki watches his beloved torn apart at the seams before his eyes and all he’s allowed to do is hold what remains of them as Kousaka desperately punches something into their phone as for once Yuki is rendered speechless. Silence. They begin to mend back together. Tears begin to flow freely from his eyes as he waits for them to say something, anything. When their eyes flutter open as Yuki’s tears fall onto their face and they say with wide eyes and a shaky voice, “I-I’m…. Yuki do you mind cutting the waterworks for a second I don’t need rain for the theatrics at the given moment,” Yuki cutting them off with a firm kiss and a “don’t you EVER pull that on me again I swear to fucking god” and the second Aru regains their breath they say, “Speaking of which, I-I’m not human. Deus created me to spy on this game of his without my will or consent and the second I faced him he decided I had lived beyond my usefulness and that’s why I… I’m not. I’m not real.” And Yuki just says “Damnit Aru you’re the most real person I know, nobody else would put themself in harms way over and over for their friends and help out a terrorist who was starving in a river and… and bother to try to respect me and understand me and…” and this time Aru sits up and turns around to face Yuki and smiles at them with such fondness despite the tears in their eyes and cups his cheeks in their hands and earnestly says “Deus asked me for any proof I was a real being with any will of my own; he asked what my strongest emotion was during my existence. And do you want to know what I responded with? You; my love for you, Yuki” and with that they gently pull Yuki in for a genuine kiss; one without the haste of the threat of death. One without the aftertaste of blood. One that promises that there will be more regardless of where the future leads, so long as the two of them are together it doesn’t matter. “You really are an angel, Aru.” “I can make you regret that statement so so quickly, but thanks for the sentiment.” “Fresh from the grave dug by gods hand and you still… I stand by my sentiment.” And Aru has the audacity to laugh and that in itself makes Yuki realize just how… natural his thing for Aru is. It lacks the “is this repayment is this real is this just out of what I believe to be obligation” that he had with Yuno, who converses with Mao and Hinata intently in the corner. Aru is Aru and that in itself is enough to tug at Yuki’s heartstrings.

When they’re in the final stages of their plan to kill Deus, the remaining diary holders, Hinata, Mao, Kousaka, Nishijima, and Aru are all gathered together in the cathedral of causality with the same intent: to put an end to the game that’s costed countless lives. Aru’s hand is firmly held in Yuki’s, Yuki knowing damn well just what is probably going through their head and trying to ground Aru despite the fact his own fingers tremble and his entire body feels numb. Aru puts their free hand on Yuki’s shoulder and gazes into his teary eyes; vermillion into indigo; blood into water. And they say “just in case this should go horribly wrong, given that we’re literally facing off against fucking God of all things…” they trail off. They hesitate. Their lips tremble and their eyes burn and their throat closes in emotion but they still manage to do what they intended to: place a final kiss to Yuki’s lips despite they can barely feel it from the numbness of their lips and they can narrowly register Yuki’s hands moving to their hair and their neck and they feel as though they will collapse as Yuki wraps them in a bone crushing embrace the second they pull away. “We’ll be fine; we’ll make it and that’s a promise.” “Since when are you one for confidence?” They manage to joke despite dedicating all of their attention to memorizing Yuki’s embrace and Yuki’s voice and Yuki’s horrible taste in fashion and Yuki’s awful blue eyes and— “Since you refused to let me happily race to my own demise and I couldn’t get rid of you in the same way a stray cat follows you around; plenty of space but a fondness you can’t shake that starts to take root in your heart and—“ “Did you really just try to, with romantic intent, compare me to a stray cat” “Aru what the fuck do you want from me” Yuki laughs through his tears “I don’t know, another kiss couldn’t hurt” “if this doesn’t kill you I will” “You prommy?” “Forever and always, asshole” Aru buries their face in the crook of Yuki’s neck for one final time “Good.”

And after the killing game is out of the way they’re basically inseparable; Yuki sneaking into Hinata’s family manor, which Mao, Yuno, Nishijima, Minene, and Aru moved into thanks to Hinata not wanting to wander its extensive halls like a ghost anymore and figuring you know what why shouldn’t she let her two gfs and their lameass gay detective friend and their weird bisexual parents move into the otherwise vacant estate, nearly every night his mother is at work which is a great majority of them. So Yuki will sneak in at midnight despite Aru giving him a key nearly every night with him usually falling asleep on the couch and Aru falling asleep on top of him like an oversized cat an hour of pacing later. And finally one night Aru finally remembers what they’ve been haphazardly planning out for months and drags Yuki to the roof on a particularly clear night and they go “I know it’s not much and I plan to one up this inevitably but you always said you wanted to look at the stars with a loved one and I’d hope you’d consider me a loved one because good fucking god Yuki I’m positively enamored with you and I—“ and Yuki cuts them off with a kiss that knocks the wind out of their lungs. “Of course I consider you a loved one, you asshole,” Yuki teases tearfully and Aru pauses and blurts out “Oh so I hit this one out of the park huh” and yes they’re the Worst and more than a little rough around the edges but the way the starlight faintly illuminates their white hair into a halo and makes their constellations of scars glow just a little bit and fine maybe the way their scarlet eyes widen and soften at the sight of Yuki makes him equate them with the equivalent of Yuki’s personal guardian angel. “Enjoying the view” they taunt goodheartedly, knowing damn well Yuki’s been staring at Them for the past minute straight. “Fuck you, maybe I am gayass” and Yuki wraps his arms around them and lets his head rest on their shoulder and god maybe just maybe after Everything they’ll be ok.

#this is so so fucking long but idc idc idc they’re EVERYTHING ok. #GOD THIS IS LIKE A REALLY REALLY ROUGH WHOLEASS FANFIC I WONT LIE 😔💔 #asks #anon #rewrite tag #writing tag

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

[rolaana2]

Huge fucking vent (literally just talking to myself lol I don’t wanna cry anymore so I’ll write instead)

So it’s always been my dream to go to uni in the UK (preferably london). Mostly because I wanna be completely away from my family. I wanna do shit that would disappoint them. They’re religious asf and I wanna drink and smoke weed and do drugs and date around and hook up with people and live alone and barely eat and be bisexual without fear of persecution. But of course I tell my mom it’s bc of the quality of education and job opportunities and all of that (which is also true). But I’ve always wanted to study abroad. That’s been my dream ever since i started middle school.

My dads been against it from the beginning but he doesn’t even live in the same country so Idc what he says. My mom’s been supportive, until now. Now she’s forcing me to go back to my third world country and study there and stay with family and I finally gave in. I’m so sad I haven’t stopped crying. I can’t run away because I don’t have any money and the country I’m in rn doesn’t allow minors to work. Plus, I pay for a lot of my own shit already with a very limited allowance.

I’ve been telling everyone I’m studying abroad, and I’m running away if my parents say no, and everyone’s been like “woah that’s crazy but you can totally do it” and now I don’t think I can.

I mean, with the little amount I have saved, I can only afford a flight ticket. I can’t afford a visa, and even if I did get a visa, it would probably be a tourist/visit visa, not a student/resident. I won’t be able to afford uni, let alone a place to stay. It’s not realistic for me to run away.

When I say third world country, I might be exaggerating. I mean, it’s just an overpopulated, slightly below average country (economy wise) and education there is great and all, but idk.

I negotiated with my mom, I’d only be okay with living there if I get to stay in a dorm and I get a car, and she agreed. I’ll also get a job. She says I can travel when I finish undergrad.

Plus, the money I have saved rn is worth way more in my home country than in the UK. It’s about £4500 in my country, but £200GBP in the UK. Obviously I’d be more comfortable in my home country.

And even though I’m very distant from my family, they’re still super well off and with their support I could ACTUALLY afford to study AND have fun. The uni I’m planning on going to has study abroad programs too.

The people in the country are super fun and chill and friendly, there’s parties and weed and alcohol and everything. Being bisexual might be illegal and I’m not entirely sure how the people there might react to me being bi, or if there would be any bi women there in the first place, but I guess we’ll see. There’s international students there too.

Also, one concern I have is that the country’s food is literally ALL carbs and fats. Almond milk is £50 and I love almond milk. Healthy food & low cal food is super expensive, and isn’t available either. There’s no Walden farms, halo top, alpro, etc. But I know loads of uni students there are BIG on fitness and all have gym memberships and stuff.

I’m trying to make it seem cool and fun but I feel like a failure. Ive given up on my dreams and I’m just accepting it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s definitely not ideal. I spent so long planning everything, I literally memorized the London map. I was counting on going to the UK, I couldn’t be around my family. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that one day I was leaving and wouldn’t have to talk to them as much, but now I’m not. Now they’re always gonna be around. Even my extended family, I’ve never felt like I was part of them. My cousins were so close and I was always an outsider. They all have married conservative parents and live in big fancy houses and went to fancy schools and I live w my single mom in an average apartment and go to a shitty school. Plus my mom’s the only one in the family that dresses the way she wants, got divorced, etc so they’ve formed their opinions. My dad was barely around. I only saw him in the summers, and mostly on weekends. My mom is a whole other story that I don’t like getting into and I’m completely traumatized and will probably have serious issues forever. I can’t even connect with the country itself. The culture, language, traditions, entertainment, all of it. They’d probably call me white washed and I don’t even live in a “white” country.

Im trying to be happy about it. I’m trying to be excited about it. But giving up like that feels so awful, and giving my parents the satisfaction of winning? I hate it. I mean, after everything they’ve done. After all the fights and arguments and days I’ve spent crying screaming and wishing I didn’t live there or wishing I had different parents. This was my only goal. My only goal was to study abroad, and now I don’t have that and I feel like such a huge fucking failure. My mom is ecstatic and she thinks I’m excited because I’m talking about it a lot and planning everything out, but I’m not.

Idk if I should be feeling defeated, or be realistic, get all the financial support I can from my parents, negotiate my independence, make the best of the situation, get a job and save up till I can travel and live alone after undergrad. I know it’s not the end of the world, and it’s just 4 years, but Idk anymore.

#ana #anarecix #anor3xia #ana advice #ed #anaaamiaaa #not pro ana just using the tag #anam*a

[thatveganwhiterose]

Elvira isn’t doing well folks. CW: bodily fluids, animal in pain, negative post. Long post ahead. Friday, March 13: She started vomiting at 3:30am. It was white, and chunky. We took her on her usual walk, in hopes that her eating grass would help. She ate grass, threw up a couple of times. We gave her breakfast, and she threw up five times: chunky white with food, and overtime with yellow bile. I took the day off to look after her. We took her to the vet and had x-rays done. The vet could not find anything discernible in the x-rays. We went home with anti-nausea meds for her and an anti-nausea shot, thinking it was over. She had “gurgle gut”, meaning she had gas in her intestines that was making noises and painful for her. She seemed to be getting a little better. By the evening, she was not. She began drooling heavily and heaving. We took her to an urgent night clinic. More x-rays were done, along with blood panels and cat scans. Again, they didn’t show anything conclusive as far as what caused this. Her organs were functioning, her temperature was good, but she was severely dehydrated and hungry (despite our attempts to nourish her). She had diarrhea as well that was bloody. She threw up a TON of fluid at the clinic. Her stomach was full of fluid that the staff pumped out through her nose instead of her throat. She was given pain and anti-nausea meds again. She stayed overnight and we picked her up at 7:30am the next day. Saturday, March 14: We took her back to our vet at 9am. They did more x-rays; both vets available triple checked them; still nothing conclusive. She was given more meds, and we were sent home with more meds: anti-nausea (another one), anti-diarrhea and something for her stomach (for stomach acid?). It took hours after the meds were given that she would eat. We did something we never thought we would do and bought chicken to boil for her. She ate a little bit late at the night, and drank water. She was weak, and slept a lot. She went on walks with diarrhea. We had to clean up her butt, and constantly do many loads of laundry and deep clean our floors, couches, pillows, etc. Sunday, March 15: Continued with the meds. She didn’t eat and drink again till the evening. We got her more stuff: enriched goat’s milk with probiotics, chicken broth, fish broth and simple chicken products from the pet store. They were kind enough to give us advice about getting her hydration up, and even snuck us some products to help. She was brighter and more alert. She loved going on walks like normal. Her tail kind of wagged, and we got the occasional kissy (she is a VERY kissy dog with us). Her diarrhea was a bit under control, and she was able to at least go to the bathroom with continued butt cleanings and washing of laundry/furniture. She smelled horrible, so we gave her a bath as well. She was not fond of it, but like with everything she tolerated it. We had to shove pills down her throat at the time limits (every 12 hours, and 24 hours for one), and she tolerated everything patiently. She ate more that evening than the evening before. Monday, March 16: We gave her more meds in the mornings and small walks every few hours (including the wee hours of the morning). She was still uninterested in food and water for the most part. We thought that it just took a while for the meds to help. Around noon, my husband rushed her to the vet again because she started drooling and heaving once more. I had to rush from my parents’ house to the vet. She also threw up fluid again in my husband’s car on the way there. The vet is now keeping her for a couple of days. What we know right now: Elvira’s guts are inflamed. The vet did not feed her today, for fear that her intestines were too inflamed to deal with the stress. She is on an IV and has had different shots of meds to help her with pain, gas, diarrhea, etc. She had more bloody diarrhea but the vomiting stopped. More x-rays still do not show what she may have eaten to cause this. They cannot consider an endoscope or surgery at this time because she has lost 5 pounds over the weekend (she weights 24 pounds, so this is a MAJOR weight loss). Going under anesthesia would be out of the question at this time. Tomorrow they will start trying to feed her, as well as keep her under heavy observation to get her fluids and strength back up. The hopeful goal will be to get her to a point where they can use an endoscope on her, and see if they can discover what caused this issue. The next steps, as it has been described to us several times, is using graspers or going to surgery to remove whatever it may be that is in her system. How am I doing? I cannot express to anyone how I am feeling. It is too big for words. I am devastated, I am heartbroken, I am in emotional turmoil and agony. I have broken down so many times since this has happened but especially today. My husband, though more stoic, is also suffering similarly. I know many of you understand this pain, and these feelings we have for our fur babies. The people in my life are being incredibly kind, patient and loving to us, and giving us all the support they can. Both our parents are helping us financially. (This post is NOT meant to obtain funds; we are fine.) At this point, as much as it would be nice to know what she could have eaten to get into this state, I do not care anymore. All I want is for her to be happy and healthy. I want the heartache to end. I want my baby to be at home, with us, curled up in her blankets and snoring loudly. I want her to chase her ball, to beg us for potato chips, to sniff every single leaf as she always does on her walks. I want her to pout at us, to make her weird noises at us (grunts and snorts), I want her to SHOWER us in her kissies. I want to hold her, I want to kiss her just as much as she kisses us, I want to cuddle her and tell her everything will be okay. That we are here for her, and we are fighting for her with everything we have. That we will not give up on her and that we love her to the end of time and back. Forever. No matter what. I want this living nightmare to be over. I don’t want the shadows of doubt and depression taking over my mind. I have always been a pessimist, and this is one of the absolute worst possible things that fate and life can throw at me. Please. No matter what it is you may or may not do. Please keep her in your thoughts. Not for me, not for my husband, but for Elvira.

#me #personal #thatvegancosplayer #family #life #dogs #my dog #my dog child #elvira #pets #corgi #corgi mix #rescue #rescue dog #adopt don't shop #i love her #i love her more than my life #my viberry pie #mistress of the dark #goth queen #goffic #goth dog #i love you elvira #i love you

[bigskydreaming]

So hey guys, I really really really need help paying my insurance premiums this month. My premiums are $787, because I got this insurance specifically to make the surgery I need even possible at all, and I literally can not do it without it.

After two years of dealing with my health situation which pretty much makes life fucking unbearable and leaves me functional like maybe five to six hours a day (chronic pain, two year long headache that never goes away, vertigo that makes driving impossible and walking hard, random bouts of my vision totally whiting out, jaw that hangs at 45 degrees, is hellishly unnaturally uncomfortable, and so much trouble sleeping with it I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in two years, etc), I FINALLY have a timetable for the surgery that will fix my issues completely. I just have to make it three more weeks til then, but in the meanwhile I am flat completely broke. The surgery is $24,800 in total. My insurance is paying $10,000 and I managed to come up with the other $12,400 between taking out a personal loan, raising my credit card limits and basically funneling every single thing I had towards that.....

But that means now I have literally nothing left, that took everything I had and then some. And it will all mean absolutely nothing if I can’t pay my insurance for next month and I lose it. I won’t be able to do the surgery if that happens. Flat out, no way around it. And everything I’ve spent the last two years hanging in there and working towards will put me back to square one, IF that. And I can’t do that again. Ive barely lasted this long, it gets worse and worse every day, and a setback of this magnitude. 

Yeah. I just REALLY need to be able to pay my insurance and keep a roof over my head for three more weeks. The motel I’m living out of right now is $90 a night, I only have ten bucks on me as of now to go towards today’s rent and he’s already looking for it, lol. So. I really need help guys, for what hopefully will be the last month I have to do this before I can get my old quality of life back and have SO many more options for work and affordable housing and transportation again. I just flat out can not make it there on my own, I’m completely tapped out. I’m exhausted and spent and I barely manage a few hours a sleep a night cuz of the pain sitch and the fact that I’ve pretty much plateaued on every increasingly more potent painkiller they’ve put me on and they just barely do shit anymore, lol. 

I know this is a lot, I know you all already give so much to so many, but I have to ask, so please if you have ANYTHING you can send at all, anything helps. Three more weeks. This has been my day to day life for almost two years and I only need to hang in there three more weeks. Please please please help me make that happen if you can, even if its just my reblogging! You will be saving my life and helping to ensure that the money people have already sent my way throughout the past six months will not be in vain and I will be forever grateful. 

I really truly honestly just want to be able to have a day without pain again, it has been so long since I didn’t have to think through every move I make so I don’t jostle my jaw and get what feels like an ice pick jabbing through my skull, when I’m just trying to go to the bathroom, lol. Thank you so so much, and again, I totally understand if you can’t afford to send anything, but if you could PLEASE just signal boost this and help it get in front of someone who maybe can, that can still make ALL the difference in the world. Thank you again guys for everything!

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

[haikyuu-drabble]

can you write a jealousy drabble w oikawa :)

why... do i have such a soft spot for this dude someone help idk who my fav is anymore. also thank you for requesting! i have some others in my ask box atm but i’ll prob get to them tomorrow i’ve literally written so much in the past couple of days im already a little burnt out and should prob wait for some motivation. it just sux bc ive some rly great ideas but im having issues putting it into words :’’’’)

________________________________________

Oikawa x Reader | Lengthy

word count: 1150

It pissed you off that you were jealous. It pissed you off that you had no right to even be jealous. It pissed you off that you felt like you’d never have a chance. ----------- Oikawa Tooru was one of your first friends at high school. You appreciated him coming up to you on the first day of class. None of your friends were attending Aoba Johsai, and you were sitting alone at your desk. You guessed he noticed that you seemed lonely, so Oikawa approached you. He had a knack for drawing attention to himself. Whether it was good or bad depended on the person, but to you it was good. He helped you make friends and reach out to strangers. The two of you were able to maintain a friendship despite his always growing popularity... and with your strong feelings for him.

Every time you thought you were getting over him, he’d reel you right back in with that stupid smile or his obnoxious comments. But you believed that he never viewed you the same way you viewed him.

You were slightly looking forward to getting over you how felt about Oikawa when you’d leave for university. But that plan was ruined when you found out you were attending the same school as Oikawa. When he found out that you were going to school together again, Oikawa was overjoyed, and you were too. But there was just a large part of your heart that hurt. It made you hopeful, and that’s what crushed you. ------------ You and your friend from another school, Bokuto, were currently at a volleyball match for the men’s volleyball team at your university. Oikawa invited you earlier that day to watch the game, and you figured it was a good chance to hang out with Bokuto since he’d probably want to scout out the competition for his own team. Unsurprisingly, Oikawa was first-string setter. When the game finally finished, you wanted to go up to Oikawa and congratulate him. However, you were pushed to the side by the girls who swarmed your classmate. That’s when you could feel yourself building up with jealousy which led to disappointment. Bokuto asked, “Aren’t you going to go up to him?”

“He looks busy. I’ll just text him later or something.” You smiled and shook your head, “I’ll just head back home.”

You began to walk away, but he grabbed your arm, “We watched the whole thing. I know Oikawa would be happy to see that you came. He asked you to come, didn’t he?”

“And I did just that.” you replied, “It’s fine.”

You walked out of the gym while Bokuto watched you. When you neared exit the gym, Bokuto looked back and forth in the direction of you and then at Oikawa who was distracted by the random girls. Bokuto roared, “Oikawa!”

You were too far away to hear Bokuto trying to get Oikawa’s attention, but Oikawa heard him loud and clear. Once Bokuto saw that he caught the setter’s attention, he pointed at your retreating figure. Oikawa excused himself from the girls who were talking to him and jogged in your direction.

You, on the other hand, could feel your heart breaking. You felt a mixture of emotions—anger, sadness, frustration. Tears started to form in your eyes. You felt so upset at yourself. 

You took a deep breath when you left the building and looked up at the night sky. Suddenly, someone grabbed your arm, and you turned around to see who it was. You saw a breathless Oikawa gazing at you. He saw the tears in your eyes and softly asked, “What’s wrong?”

You felt the tears start to well up even more, and you apologized, “I’m sorry.”

He put his hands on your shoulders and gently made you face him. Oikawa gave a supportive smile, “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

You looked at him, “I can’t be your friend anymore.”

Oikawa’s hands dropped to his sides, and he apprehensively laughed, “W-what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” You mumbled.

“Where is this coming from?” Oikawa whispered.

“I’ve been trying for so long. I didn’t want things to turn out like this.” You cried, “I really wanted to be with you forever, but I can’t just keep on watching you like this. It hurts, you know? When I see you around all these other people flirting with you, I get jealous. I hate that you don’t feel the same way about me. I hate that I… I hate that I love you.”

“You love me?” Oikawa repeated.

You gave a sardonic smile, “Of course you wouldn’t know. I just thought that one day I would get over these feelings, but just being around you all the time gets my hopes up. But I knew the whole time that you would never feel the same about me.”

Oikawa held your cheeks and made you look at him, “What have I ever done to make you feel that way?”

You stared at him, “What?”

“You, dummy.” He laughed, “Why do you think I still ask you to hang out all the time? Why do you think I always ask you to come to my games? Why do you think I ran all the way out here to catch up to you?”

“I—what?” you asked again.

“For someone so smart, you can be so dumb.” He gave you a sweet smile, “I’ve liked you probably for a longer time than you’ve liked me.”

“B-but I’ve liked you since our second year of high school!” you cried, “And you’ve been going through relationships left and right since our first year.”

Oikawa’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red, and he mumbled, “I asked you out first year, and you denied me.”

“When did that ever happen?” you nearly yelled.

Oikawa yelled back, “The fact that you don’t even know when just goes to show!”

“You always joke around, so it’s hard to tell when you’re serious! Besides that doesn’t explain you dating other people!” you complained.

Oikawa grimaced, “Those were all flings and regretful ones at that. They clearly didn’t work out because here I’ve been, single for a couple years now!”

“T-that’s because of me?” you stuttered.

Oikawa cupped your cheeks, “If I hadn’t made that clear enough, maybe this will.”

His inched his face closer to you, and you clamped your eyes shut. A couple seconds had passed, and Oikawa’s hands dropped from your cheeks. You opened one eye and saw him squatting on the ground. He pouted, “You’re so cute! How could I even kiss you?”

You knelt down next to him and looked him dead in the eye. You quickly pecked his lips and stood up. Before he could even stand up, you were nearly sprinting away from him. He called out for you, “I have a meeting tonight to discuss the match! But don’t think I won’t be coming over to talk to your apartment about this!”

Without turning around to hide your beet red skin, you yelled, “I’ll be expecting you then!”

#oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu one shot #aoba johsai #seijoh #Anonymous #request

[angeliclunaetic]

just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that  was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever. 

#lovenotesforsam

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1 #anime #recap #comedy

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

Good Behaviour? Yeah right! - Until We Meet Again - Part 6

A lot Shorter than usual but I hope you guys enjoy it!!

Pairing: Liam x MC

Summary: …DISTANCE MEANS SO LITTLE, WHEN SOMEONE MEANS SO MUCH!

When King Liam manages to break free from his Marriage to madeleine and takes a trip to new York for the biggest UN event of the century. What happens when his suitcase doesn’t make it to new York with him. when a stranger comes to his rescue to find appropriate clothing for the Event. What happens when he meets the woman of his dreams but she already has a home along with a Multi-billion dollar business in New York. 

Word Count: 1,702

Masterlist

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 

Apologies if the tags aren’t working, for some reason some are working and some aren’t :/

After Liam left for Cordonia, Kayliegh couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation that morning…moving to Cordonia…could she do it? could she really leave Allie? As soon as she managed to calm herself down after being so upset at him leaving, she sat on the sofa in the living room, going over everything in her head. she lifted her phone from beside her and dialled Allies number. The ringtone dialled a couple of times before Allie answered.

“Hey, sis, what’s up?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“no, I have the day off, why? Do you have something in mind?”

“I wanna talk to you about something…”

“that sounds serious, is everything okay?”

“yeah, everything’s great…I just…I need to talk to you…so can you come over?”

“of course, I’ll be over in the next hour, shall I bring Chinese food?”

“definitely”

After hanging up with Allie, Kayliegh headed to her office to get some of her work done. It was about forty-five minutes later that Allie buzzed the gate to get in. the two headed for the living room, where they dove into their food that Allie brought with her.

“so come on, tell me, what had you all caught up on the phone?”

“so…Liam and I were talking this morning”

“alright?”

“and the topic came to us…living together”

“alright…wow, that is serious…so what do you think about that?”

“the only thing I want more than to live with Liam…is to be near you Allie, if Liam and I lived together…I would have to go Cordonia…and that would mean -”

“leaving New York” Allie finished her sentence

“yeah…I don’t know if I could do that, Al, I…my life is here...you are here”

“and what did Liam say when you told him that?”

“he said that…if I were to move to Cordonia, I would have an office and everything for work, I would have access to the private jet whenever I wanted…he said you could visit whenever you wanted, all you would have to do is ask and he would have the jet fly over to get you. I wouldn’t have to sell this place or anything, whenever we came over, we would stay here”

“well, then what’s the problem” Allie giggled as she placed her hand on Kayliegh’s knee.

“Allie, you’re my baby sister…you mean more to me than anyone on this entire planet!!”

“Kayliegh, you have spent your entire life, looking out for me, I will be forever grateful for that, but I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“but-”

“but nothing…put it this way…if you don’t…what happens…you guys eventually get sick of the goodbyes…one of you breaks the other ones heart because they can’t do it anymore… then you lose him…I know you love him…with everything in you…I have never seen you look at another person the way you and Liam look at each other!...how do you feel when he’s not here…when you’re so far apart?”

“it kills me…”

“exactly…and when he leaves?”

“it hurts even more” she sighed as she wiped under her eyes where the stray tears fell.

“but how do you feel when he’s here?”

“he makes me so happy…Al…just the thought of getting to see him, makes me so happy. Happier than ive ever been”

“then there’s your answer…no question about it…he makes you happy, you know he’s a good man, who would do anything for you…do it…live your life, be happy.”

“you really think I should?”

“I know you should!”

after her talk with Allie, Kayliegh spent the next few days thinking about her decisions…she wanted to do it, and she knew Allie would be okay…she was just scared…after everything that happened with Louis…after could she really uplift her life and move it across the world? Could she take that chance…what if she got there and a few weeks down the line everything went to shit? What if they ended up at each other’s throats? What if being so close really tore them apart.

Well…Liam was worth that risk…and damn did she know it!

She thought Louis was a gentleman before everything went downhill…but Liam…Liam's wasn’t a gentleman…he was THE gentleman! She had never met anyone like it. he was smart, handsome, caring, compassionate, selfless…she could rely on him to be there whenever she needed him. She trusted him with everything in her.

It was late on the Thursday night, Kayliegh was in the lounge. after the collection release, she had decided to take a couple of weeks to relax. she had spent the last few hours curled up on the sofa under the blanket, binge watching Reign. She had started to doze off not so long ago, when her phone stared ringing pulling her out of her sleepiness. She stretched as she wiped her eyes, she lifted her phone and pressed answer.

“hello?”

“Kayliegh? It’s Anthony”

“Anthony? Hey, is everything okay? It’s really late?”

“Kayliegh, I wanted to make sure you were informed before it went out on the news”

“what is it? what’s wrong?”

“it’s Louis…He’s getting out on good behaviour”

Kayliegh swore her heart nearly stopped right in that moment.

“w-what?” she asked as she tears fell down her cheeks

“I’m so sorry that I have to be the one to tell you…”

“when?”

“Tomorrow…”

“b-but he-”

“I know, I know, I tried to stop it, I really did, but there’s only so much I can do”

“alright…um…thank you Anthony, ill speak to you later”

“stay safe, kayliegh”

“I will”

After hanging up the phone she quickly dialled Liam's number.

“hey, sweetie” he answered

“Liam” she cried, which instantly caught his attention

“hey, hey what’s wrong?”

“Liam, they’re letting him out…they’re letting Louis out”

“they’re what!?!”

“tomorrow…good behaviour apparently!”

“oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry” he sighed

“Liam…he doesn’t know I lost the baby…wha-what if he tries to contact me…what I-”

“hey, shh shh it’s alright, everything’s going to be alright”

“Liam, I’m scared he’s going to come here.”

After hanging up the phone with Liam about an hour later, Kayliegh went around the house, making sure every door and every window was locked then she headed off to bed.

Kayliegh spent the next few days at home, she couldn’t even fathom going out, with he thought of him being out there, she just couldn’t do it. The evening of the Tuesday, she called Liam shortly after climbing into bed, he picked up instantly.

“hey” she whispered

“Hi, Love, how are you?”

“I’m…okay, how are you?”

“I’m good, tired but good”

“So…I’ve been thinking…about the living together conversation…” she smirked

“you have?” he perked up instantly

“I have…I spoke with Allie…I thought it over…”

“and?” he smirked

“and I think you should get that office ready for me”

“really?!? You really want to come and live here with me?”

“I want to spend my life with you Liam, I don’t want to waste any more time apart”

“Kayliegh…I don’t think you know how happy that makes me”

“oh, I know…and I can’t wait…but I have some things you have to agree with me on first.”

“okay…hit me with them”

“I have to come and visit Allie at least four times each year…even if it’s just for a few days”

“okay that’s fine, that’s not a problem at all, the jet is yours whenever you want it”

“you have to promise me…that we’ll have date night once a week…no matter what!”

“I promise…date night ATLEAST once a week!”

“anything else”

“no…not yet anyway” she giggled

“well…you just let me know if you think of anything else.”

“oh, I will”

“what are you up to anyway?”

“I’m in bed, keeping warm…I wish you were here to keep me warm”

“I wish I was there too, just wait, it won’t be long before, we can spend every night together”

“I can’t wait…”

“me too”

“oh! I forgot to tell yo-” Kayliegh stopped mid-sentence “did you hear that Liam?” she whispered

“hear what?”

“that noise”

“no, I didn’t hear anything”

“I thought I heard something…anyway yeah, I for-” she stopped as she heard the noise again.

“what on earth is that?” she sighed

“Kayliegh what’s wrong?”

“there’s a noise coming from downstairs…I’ll be back in a minute…”

“no, Kayliegh, where are you going?”

“I’m going to see what it is” she spoked sounding a little further away as she pulled her slippers on.

“clearly you’ve never seen any scary movie ever!!!” he called as she walked out of the room

Kayliegh made her way downstairs, she walked through the house, double checking the windows and doors. It was when she reached the front door, she stopped…she froze as she seen it sitting slightly ajar. Something was wrong…she specifically remembered locking that door…it had been locked for days…she hadn’t stepped foot out of it since that day that Antony called so there’s was no reason for it to be open.

“Liam! CALL THE POLICE!!!” she yelled hoping he would hear here.

As soon as Liam heard her shout, he called for Bastian, to enter his office.

“yes, your Majesty?” he bowed his head

“contact nypd! There’s something wrong at Kayliegh’s house! She heard noises down stairs, so she went to see what it was…she just screamed for me to the call the police!”

Bastian instantly pulled his phone out and contacted the Police department, after telling them what had happened, they assured him they would send someone over, they told Bastian to make sure they kept the phone connected with Kayliegh.

“Kayliegh? Kayliegh are you there?!” Liam called down the phone.

Liam waited …and waited for a reply, then he heard something.

“Liam!!!...LIAM!!”  her voice screeched

“Kayliegh?! Kayliegh!! WHATS GOING ON?!!”

“Liam HEL-” the screaming was cut off and all that was heard was a loud thud.  

It was just minutes later, Liam heard the Police entering the house.

“WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!! TWENTY-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD FEMALE, UNCONSCIOUS, WHAT LOOKS LIKE A STAB WOUND, PUNCTURED TO THE STOMACH, BLEEDING OUT!”

Liam's heart broke as he listened through the phone, unable to get to her, if only he were there, this might not have happened, she would have had someone with her.

“Bastian” he whispered, not taking his eyes from the phone.

“yes, your Majesty?”

“prepare the jet…I’m going to New York.”

Tagged : @starstruckzonkoperatorbat  @drakelover78  @queencatherynerhys @devineinterventions2 @jayjay879 @kawairinrin  @hopefulmoonobject @flyawayboo  @gardeningourmet  @blackcatkita @syltti78  @theroyalweisme @hhiggs  @mfackenthal  @barbaravalentino @pens-girl-87  @barbaravalentino @umccall71 @darley1101 @crookedslimecreatorpasta @jamjar84 @starstruckpixelberryhistoryvoid @speedyoperarascalparty @katurrade @scarlettedragon @zeniamiii @annekebbphotography @liam-rhys   @perfectprofessorherokid @mynameiskaylabella @marywrites-things @zaffrenotes @cocomaxley @innerpostmentality @alepowell @missevabean @romanticatheart-posts  @smalltalk88 @sarwin85 @lodberg @classylady1234 @liamxs-world @wannabemc2 @thequeenofcronuts @jared2612  @gibbles82 @carabeth @jovialyouthmusic @liamxs-world @blackcoffee85  

#mc x liam #king liam #liam x mc #king Liam x mc #king liam of cordonia #trr #trr choices #choices trr #trr3 #masterlist #Liam Rys #the royal romance #choices the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic #choices #choices fanfiction #choices app #playchoices fanfic #playchoices #choices the stories you play #playchoices fandom

[juncpers-blog]

i am truly the worst at introductions, so i do want to apologize ahead of time asdfg !! on that note, im gi and i am screaming of excitement right now !! its been a minute since ive been excited for a group, and an already open on at that .. anyway asdfj before i start rambling this right here is my baby face juniper and if you want to know more about her dumb ass please keep on reading !! 

╰☆╮ MADISON BEER ─ JUNIPER DUNAY identifies as CISFEMALE and uses SHE AND HER pronouns. they’re a MUSIC ARIST AND SONG WRITER, and they’re only TWENTY ONE ! they’re said to be +ALTRUISTIC, but also -ERRATIC. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE SKOOKUM in the tabloids. (mabel)

trigger warning !! gang mention !! murder mention !!

                                                               the synthesis !!

scribbles on empty pages that equal pain, anger, and struggle. words that had only been meant for one, carved themselves into the brunettes skin the moment air filled her lungs for the first time .. screams into the air, she formed into a fear that driven those around her. a fear that was so powerful, it made even a king cower. her king. the daughter of a man who ran an empire, was vowed to be protected along with her four other siblings who stood beside her. but the life of crime and danger always tugged at their skin, forced their claws into their flesh. it was an eat or being eaten lifestyle, and without choice juniper dunay was thrown in the middle of it. it was her bloodline. and while her mother wanted to protect and shelter, her father wanted to toughen her skin and wrap the chains of their gang around her feet. she was forced into situations by loyalty, by the love she had for of those around her, by the drive that was forced within her. but, this lifestyle was not always for her. the constant fear, the murder, the dirty hands, the loss, the pain, and the anger, it sat on her shoulders like boulders. the pain and anger that latched on to her and her siblings wrist troubled their mother, at first it was an itch, and then it was a rash, and then it ate at her flesh. she was barely skin and mostly bone when she decided to take her twin boys, juniper, and her youngest child out of their fathers arms, lifestyle, and curse.

                                             some important extras !! ; these are mostly for me to keep in memory of but can also be used for plots and whatnot !!

despite being a crime family, the dunay had hide behind the socialite title for decades. being something people that, everyone adores but no one can really get their hands on. basically, think of a celebrity family, the kardashians, the westbrooks and how they live. that was the dunays, but tie in gang ties and there you have them. 

her mother and father split when juniper was young, and despite them not exactly being in his life anymore they could never truly hide from him nor not be connected to him considering how public their family is. 

most people believe the reason for the split, and the children not talking to their father side is because of an affair and despite it not being anywhere near the truth juniper and the rest of them let the media take it and run.  

her oldest twin brother, has started to get back into the lifestyle their mother has done everything in her power to keep them out of- yet despite the knowledge and knowing for a fact that its not something he should be in she has kept his secret out of loyalty and has lied countless of times to not only his mother for him, but her other siblings as well as his friends and others in his life.

she once filled out a police report on her father, exposing everything he has and everything he has done. of course, it came from a place of anger and hurt, and a way to get back at him for not being in her the way she wants him to be. she never actually filed this report considering it could have gotten her into a lot of trouble with her father and his gang, not just trouble put could’ve put her on her death bed.

despite the anger and hatred she has for her father, he still sends her along with his three other kids money each month; while one of the twins refuses to touch it and her mother forbids it… she and her two other siblings have used it to benefit them to help build their careers and fund their startups, lifestyle, buy them new cars, spontaneous trips, and anything else they can get their hands on. considering she has made a living for herself now, she usually takes the money he still sends and donates it.

at five years old, juniper had actually witnessed a murder (the reason her mother removed them from her fathers live) and to this day it still lives on in her head. so bad, that she use to have night terrors (and occasionally still does ).

a lot of their time when people ask her about her father, she changes the subject or gives short answers. its always so hard not to expose him and in all reality she’s mostly just stuck in a state of not knowing how to deal with her emotions when it comes to him and their situation. 

 important career information !! ;

 basically, music was something that came rather early in her life. even as a small child, she had the habit of singing everywhere, everything, all the time..

her interest in music only grew as she did, putting herself in piano lessons and guitars lessons from the moment she was able to express her want to do so. of course, she had other hobbies such as soccer and dance but? music was her number one.

after separating from her father, her mother kind of pushed her children into normal things? encouraged them to do whatever they want. and so, at sixteen when she told her she wanted to be a singer her mom did everything in her power to make that happen. 

her already having created a fanbase from just being a ‘socialite’ breaking out into new industries was?? easier then most have it. 

a year later, age seventeen, juniper released her first single ‘my boy, my town’ that peaked number one on the charts for three weeks. 

she has been singing ever since, and of course growing and learning as a person and an artist. she is currently writing her second album. 

personality !! ;

compassionate, hard loving and big hearted. 

she goes above and beyond the limits for those she loves and feels deeply for.

she will burry your secrets so you dont have to, jump in the darkest of waters with you so you dont have to fight them yourself, will pull you into chaotic nights to keep your mind from straying to all the bad things in life.. she is a giver. 

trust issues are wrapped around her neck, clawing at her flesh. they are heavy on her shoulders, along with the ones she formed from her toxic relationship with her dad. she can be difficult is all. 

she refuses to let anything or anyone defend her and with that, you can nine out of ten times see her ebullient soul forcing its way out of her. 

she is always a super playful person, alway has to be teasing someone. 

she wants to give people around her home and comfort, someone they can depend on.

she is guarded, but its only because she feels everything so deeply. 

once she lets you in, you’re in forever. but when she hurts, she really hurts and when you cross that line you cross that line.

which is funny because she hates attachment but often finds herself getting attached to people. 

she is always on the move !! like if she isnt in the studio shes writing . if she isnt writing she is dragging her friends on trips across the world, endless parties. she seeks excitement, and things to keep her away from her thoughts. 

she holds grudges, and anger. 

you really cant be just anyone to get another chance after doing her wrong.

shes passionate, ambitious, stubborn, sarcastic. 

shes a affectionate drunk, let her live asdfg.

meaningful relationships really mean a lot to her? like she just longs meaningful connections with others. 

she honestly?? just wants to live life to the fullest??

shes also annoying as fuck just a warning ASDFGH

not personality related but !! close friends and family usually call her june and/or juni !! 

please, i absolutely love plotting? and am opening to so many different ideas and connections and everything else. dont be afraid to throw anything at me!! you can find some of her wanted connections here !! and of course know that i can expand on any of these and still have a whole lot more if you dont see anything on there that you like !! so with that, like this to post? or jump the gun and come message me!!

#excessintro #gang mention tw #murder mention tw #drug mention tw #i think thats all !! #let me know if i forgot anything !! #im super excited !! #connections are at the bottom !! #ヽ✴・ﾟ 𝖋𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖘 ◜ 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 .

[lovemesomesurveys]

What is your party trick? I don’t have any. What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video. Do you ever talk to yourself? I call it thinking out loud, but yeah. It helps sort out my thoughts and get a clearer picture. My brain is a jumbled mess.  Do you still have any old clothes that you used to wear when you were a kid? No. Do you prefer bright or muted colours? Muted. Can you roll your tongue? Nope.

Are you a light weight when it comes to alcohol? Yeah I was. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? None. How loud do you listen to music? Uhh I don’t know. Loud enough. Which song has the biggest play count on your computer? (How many plays?) I use Spotify on my phone to listen to music. Do people ever tell you to just loosen up? Yes. Or “chill out” and “calm down.” I actually really hate being told those things. Do you act like it’s the end of the world even if you’re just slightly ill? No. I have dealt with health issues all my life and just not feeling well a lot of the time. I feel really shitty a lot of the time. What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I’m not sure, but it feels like forever when I have them because they’re so annoying. Do you think you’re good at giving advice? I used to be the one people would come to for advice, but definitely not anymore. Are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? In real life, definitely. I mean, I’m still awkward online, but at least I have time to think about what I want to say first. What’s worse: Ear ache or tooth ache? I’ve only experienced toothaches, and they’re horrible. What type of TV shows are your favourite? I have a few favorites. Do you think you’ll ever manage to do everything you want to? I don’t even know what I want to do. What do you fear most? Losing my loved ones,  never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life... Do you wear shoes around the house? No. Name something you associate with someone / thing you hate. Uhh. Do you bruise easily? Yeah. Have you ever bought pre-ripped jeans? No.  Are you a good driver? If you can’t drive yet, do you think you’ll be good? I feel like I’d be too anxious and just probably shouldn’t drive. What is / was your favourite thing about school? (If anything. :P) I mean, I liked the learning part of it overall and some of the projects/assignments/reading that was of interest to me. High school had its ups and downs. I liked the pep rallies and assemblies that we had. In college I was apart of a psychology club, I served as a board member and it was a lot of fun. We took a lot of cool trips, too. Looking back now I can say there were parts I liked about school, but while going through it I was stressed and overwhelmed and I would get burnt out really easily. Many late nights, many tears. Dealt with big health stuff along the way. My last year of college was a real struggle, I just wanted to quit and be done. I managed to push through and I finished, but yeah it was rough. Funny that I can look back now a few years later and say there were parts that I liked haha. Oh, and there’s also the fact that at least I was doing something with my life and I felt productive at the time.  What are you most likely to spend money on? Clothes, particularly graphic Ts. Have you ever been a complete fangirl / fanboy over anything? Yep I’ve been like that since middle school. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? Uhh. Do your nails need cut? Ha, no. I take care of that on the daily. They’re barely there. When was the last time you (dis)liked someone without really knowing them? Hmm.

Are there any movies coming out that you really want to see? It Chapter 2 was the most recent one I was excited about. I want to see it again! I don’t think there’s anything else that I’m really excited about until Rise of Skywalker in December. Do you think you’ll ever get married? No. How did you get one of your scars? Okay let’s go over all the scars I have doesn’t that sound fun? lol. I have a lot of scars, most of which are from surgeries, like the one down half my stomach and one all down my back. Some on my left side where they had to take some of my rib to use for something else. My left thigh has a few from past pressure sores and a big one from a surgical procedure called a “flap.” I have a few from spilling something hot on myself or placing a hot plate/hot cup on my lap/between my legs (I’m a paraplegic and I’ve done stuff like that in the past without thinking). The coffee incident was recent-ish, too. :/ I have a few little ones on my arms and hands from IV insertions, one on one of my right knuckles from burning myself with a straightener. I have a tiny scar on my nose from chicken pox. I have a little round one above both eyebrows from having to wear this thing called a “halo” after one of my spinal surgeries. My left leg has a lead mark from a pencil mark as a kid. My left knee has a round one on each side from a stint or something I had to have in my leg after a surgery. I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting.  When was the last time you wore a mask? What did it look like? I’ve worn one for years.  What was the last thing you took a photograph of? My doggo. In childhood, were most of your friends male or female? Female. Have you ever been to a protest? No. Do you hate how, when the public like a celebrity, they overpublicise them? Eh. I admit to being into the celebrity and entertainment world stuff. If it’s a celebrity I don’t really like then yeah it’s annoying. haha. Are you afraid of the dark? I sleep with my TV on for some light and sound because of that. I can’t have it completely dark or silent. What time do you usually eat dinner at? 8ish. Where did you last stay overnight other than your house? A hotel. How often is your computer on mute? I don’t watch a lot of videos on my laptop, so I guess most of the time.  Do you name inanimate objects? Which ones? I have. Are you jealous of loved up couples when you’re single? I think people tend to confuse jealousy and envy. Anyway, I may feel a bit envious sometimes and I think that I’ll never experience that, but for now it’s best that I’m single. It works for me for now. What was your last dream about? Random shit as usual. If you have an iPod, what did you call it when you registered it? I probably called it Steph’s iPod or something. I haven’t used my iPod in yearssss. What do you do when you’re stressed out? Shut down? When was the last time you sneezed? I don’t remember. What comes up on your recommended list on YouTube? ASMR videos mostly. The shoes you wore today: What do they look like? I haven’t worn any today.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[imnotavampire97]

long, but possibly helpful.

ive been through a lot recently and have done a whole lot of thinking about whether or not ill ever be happy. I always tell others “you’re in control of your happiness” and “you’re the only one who can change it”. I know in my heart that is true, but sometimes i really don’t know what makes me happy or what i can do to be happy.

But I know that I truly am in control of my own emotions. I cannot let anyone take away from my energy, my love, my light.

Ive gone through a very rough time in my life. 21 years of nonsense. Yes, there are absolutely beautiful moments in my life, and i am dearly grateful. I enjoy them when they happen, because living in the moment is what it’s all about. I read a quote once somewhere that said, “The past nor the present exist aside from in your mind. The only true moment is now,” or something like that.It stuck with me for so long, and when i’m down and out i think of that. Nothing in the past truly exists anymore, nothing in the future is set in stone. 

Even with all this in my mind, my past comes to haunt me all too much and all too often.

I suffer from bipolar type 2, which is pretty much just a mix of anxiety and depression. You can be really happy for a day, a week, months, even. But then one day, one little thing can trigger you into this pit of darkness, where you’re suffocating and you cant get out. It is a major issue that has been in my life for three years now, stemming from a mixture of my father’s actions as a child (and even now), and one of my ex’s and his behavior,

My depression has been a problem since i was 11, probably even before that. I had no friends. My parents argued more than not and it usually ended with a physical fight between my parents. As a child i had no idea what was going on. Yelling and violence were common among our household; I knew no different. I went through a very long period of my life where i was just confused and sad all the time, and i thought it was normal, so sadness was essentially all i knew.

I was a very “obnoxious” child. I was over the top friendly, and just wanted to share my love, innocence, and happiness with everyone. Other kids didn’t like me, I was loud and talked a lot. A time came where I truly felt like if i died, everything would be so much better. For my parents, for the kids at school, even my siblings. I didnt want to live, and i had realized that life goes on without me. I felt dead on the inside. I tried to jump out of a three story window (being 11 i had no idea that if i had jumped, i wouldnt have died, just most likely been severely injured). My dad came into my room to me with a leg out the window. He yelled and yelled, and told me if i wanted to die he could make it happen. He picked me up and i clung to the window frame. After a minute he put me down and went to try and take his own life, Among the tears and the yelling, my mother came in and resolved the situation. I say resolve, but it was just more arguing between her and my father until they finally gave up with one another and my dad left for the night. It was a common reoccurring situation. 

My dad wasnt ever there for me emotionally. Nurturing is not in his vocabulary. He would call me names, hit me, yell at me, and blame me for his failing marriage. I know now that none of it was my fault. He was a drug addict for most of his life, and to be quite honest, he still is. I love him and pray for him every day, even though he was awful to me, because at the end of the day he is my father, and i love him, even though he doesnt show that he loves me too. 

My exboyfriend is a really long story, but in an nutshell, he was sexually and mentally abusive. I met him through my old roommate, and he and i really hit it off. We traveled all over the state and even got to move to a new state where we tried to start our life. I was 18 and he was 26. I was young, naive, and really just looking for love in the places i never had it. He raped me on multiple occasions, used me for my apartment and my money, cheated on my multiple times, had violent fits of rage, breaking things and hurting himself, and at the end, he ran away to another country with his new girlfriend, Mind you, he left a day after we broke up. He shut down any thought i ever had, made me get rid of my phone and stop talking to people all together except my mom. 

It got to a point of me being so isolated, that I had no thoughts in my mind except that the only way out was to take my own life and let myself have some sort of peace. I was curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, contemplating how i could do it, when all of a sudden, one thought popped into my head. “Go to the hospital. Ride your bike to the hospital, and tell them you’re a danger to yourself.”

After a moment of thought, i put my shoes on, grabbed my bike, and rode as fast as i could to the nearest hospital.

And that was the best decision I have ever made.

I got counseling, went to therapy for a while, and gained a pretty good handle on my metal state. I started doing things for me, not for anyone else’s happiness.

Since then, I have gone through losing multiple jobs, being homeless, wrecking my ex’s car (a different ex), multiple break ups, and losing all my friends, even ones from 8 years ago. But as of now, I have a decent job, a roof over my head, a wonderful, loving boyfriend who cares for me dearly, a perfect dog, and I am finally beginning to love myself the way i deserve. I am getting myself on track, and i am learning from my mental illness and fixing the problem myself. It may not be now, or soon, but over time i will get there.

There is so much more to my life story that would take forever and a day to type out. The point I am trying to make is, suicide is NEVER the answer. There is someone out there, even if its just the voice in the mist of your mind, cheering you on, loving you, caring about you. I dont know what saved me that day in Colorado, but I am so thankful, so blessed, and so happy that i didnt end it. Tomorrow is a new day. You can do so much in just one day. You whole world can get turned upside down in a good way, or even in a bad way, But its alright! Because theres always a way out. Even if its not clear to you in the moment, it will become clear to you when it needs to. Stay mindful, stay patient. Good things will come your way, I promise. You can’t reach to heaven if you haven’t gone through the worst parts of hell. You really do need that balance between bad and good. You cannot cherish the good the way you need to if you haven’t experienced the bad. Life is one big learning lesson, and the only way to learn is to pay attention and stay strong in the moments where you find yourself the weakest.

Go out and ride a bike with the wind flying in your face, smash some plates on the ground, run as fast as you can until you cant take it anymore, stick your head out the window on a car ride and feel that air, get that adrenaline rush and feel alive. Remind yourself that you ARE ALIVE. You have 86,400 seconds in a day, make every single one count as if it was your last. 

#suicide prevention #emotional #story #life story #life goes on #life #happiness #sadness #its okay #i promise #promise #love #live #love life #love the little moments #little moments #moments #time #wounds #wounds heal #healing process #healing #time heals #alright #long story #please read #helpful #laugh #enjoy it #enjoy life