Just a Favor | pt 3 | Gwynriel
✦ Sorry this one isn't as polished as the others 💛
✦ Warnings: Nesta says bad words lol
✦ Word Count: 1.1k
✦ AO3 Link
✦ Masterlist
Azriel slept far better than he would have predicted. But he woke early, just as the first hints of pink washed through the sky. And his stomach churned, fingers cold with nervousness.
He had left her there.
Somehow, in all of the whirling thoughts and emotions of last night, he had not considered how she must have felt about being left there. Now, it was all he could think about.
He found himself padding to Cassian and Nesta's room. He knew they'd likely be pissed but he couldn't stop himself. He opened the door silently, as was his habit, and stood still beside the bed, too panicked to feel any shame over his half-clothed friends.
"I left her there," He said into the silent room. Nesta's eyes opened and she flew into a sitting position with a fierce scowl. She clutched the blanket around herself. Cassian did not move but he growled loudly.
"What the fuck?" Nesta croaked.
"I kissed her and then I left and I didn't say anything," Azriel continued.
"Yes, I know," Nesta grumbled.
"So she probably hates me," Azriel buried his face in his hands.
"She doesn't hate you," Cassian mumbled against his pillow.
"But I-"
"Azriel," Nesta said, firm, "She doesn't hate you. I talked to her after you left. She's just confused. Just send her a note, okay?"
Her voice softened by the last words. Then she smiled and bit back a laugh.
"I'll be happy to talk to you when the sun is up and I'm not naked," She said.
"You're naked?" Cassian sat up, took one look at Nesta, then threw a spare pillow at Azriel. "Get out, Az!"
"Alright, alright," Azriel grumbled and dodged the pillow.
"Next time talk to Rhys," Cassian called as his brother left the room, "He has a toddler, he's always up this early."
Azriel penned a quick note and had his shadows carry it to Gwyn's nightstand.
I'm sorry I left. I hope you enjoyed your first kiss despite my strange behavior. I'll explain when I can.
What the shadows did not report was that Gwyn was already awake, writing in her journal by fae-light. Her eyes opened wide at the sight of the shadows twirling around each other, carrying a little paper between them. They hovered near her, waiting for her to take it.
"Thank you," She whispered, plucking the note from their hold. They disappeared into nothing, and Gwyn wondered if they had gone back to the shadowsinger or if they had stayed to watch her and report back to him.
Either way, she opened the note, reading the careful handwriting several times. A smile bloomed on her face, accompanied by a soft blush. She could not help the leap of her heart, the wild hope that started to grow there.
So he did have something to tell her.
"You're probably wondering what this is about," Azriel said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
The three sisters exchanged looks between them before turning toward the solemn shadowsinger. Each bit back a smile.
"Go on, Az," Feyre said softly. Azriel took a deep breath before speaking again.
"I have a mate," He announced, shrinking into his shoulders as he said it.
Nesta smiled, a genuine grin that revealed her dimples and bubbled over with joy. Feyre squealed and clasped her hands together. Elain smiled, tilting her head to the side and crying out, "Oh, Az!"
Azriel grinned at the floor, blush creeping over his cheeks. The same blush that insisted on returning every few minutes for the last 24 hours.
"Who is it?" Feyre whispered, as if the culprit could be listening. Nesta and Elain leaned in, eyes gleaming.
"Gwyneth," He said savoring the name on his tongue.
"Oh thank Gods," Nesta put a hand on her chest, "If you had said another name I don't know what I would have done."
"What?" Azriel furrowed his brows. He noted that none of them looked very surprised.
"Nothing," Nesta waved him away, "Keep going. What do you need us for?"
Feyre and Elain hummed in agreement.
"Well, since you're all mated, I thought I would ask for advice. About how to tell her," He said, wringing his hands, "I guess I have the upper hand in that way. Rhysand was all on his own."
Feyre smiled, blushing at the memory of her temper and poor Rhysand trying to win back her favor.
"It may not have been ideal," She laughed, "But it's a memory we laugh at, now. I don't really think you can mess this up, Azriel."
"That's what I'd thought about Rhysand," Az chuckled.
"What about Lucien, Elain? How did he do?" Feyre asked.
From the way Elain's face turned deep red and she began to stutter, it was clear that Lucien must have done alright. At one point, that may have made Azriel jealous. But right now, he just wanted to know how Lucien had done it.
"I think she'll just be happy to know," Nesta said softly, thinking of the hope in Gwyn's eyes the night before.
"What if...." Azriel trailed off, too shy to name any of the worries cycling through his head. This whole thing had driven him to be more expressive than usual but it was still a struggle.
"You've been good friends for a long time, now," Elain pointed out, "I don't know her like Nesta and Feyre, but I still think there's a very good chance she'll return your feelings."
Azriel gazed up at her. The longing in his eyes was painful to look at.
"Listen," Feyre said, reaching out to take hold of his hand, "Just take her somewhere pretty and tell her the truth. Nothing fancy, nothing wild, just you and her and the truth."
Azriel repeated the words as a whisper, mind whirling with ideas.
The ladies stayed a while longer, helping him brainstorm and congratulating him a few more times. And offering some advice about what he should wear.
When their meeting was over, he found himself reaching the front gate at the same time as Elain. She paused and looked up at him, her eyes alight. She looked lovely, hair loose and little flower earrings dangling from her ears. Azriel thought of the time so long ago when they had been in a similar position. Then, she had been a rosebud. Something closed off. Now she was a blooming rose, thriving and overflowing with beauty and contentment.
"I'm happy for you," She said, smiling up at him.
"I'm happy for you, too," Azriel said sincerely, "You glow, now."
"I found my sunshine," Elain's eyes glittered, "And I think you did, too."
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)
[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.
The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.
Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."
A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]
[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]
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Ranni has every reason to hate Marika. She is the figurehead of an order that has caused her and her family so much misery… and yet, in the Age of the Stars ending cutscene, Ranni holds Marika’s head with such gentleness. It feels less like Ranni is putting down a tyrant, and more like she’s laying her to rest, after many long years of torment.
Ranni could have been Marika’s successor, but she rejected the guidance of the Two Fingers, slaying her own flesh in order to be rid of their influence:
“But I would not acquiesce to the Two Fingers. I stole the Rune of Death, slew mine own Empyrean flesh, casting it away. I would not be controlled by that thing.”
Ranni goes to such drastic lengths because the most intolerable thing possible to her is to be a pawn; her will not being her own, but being at the mercy of a higher power. Ranni’s quest is above all about free will – it culminates with Ranni using the Fingerslayer Blade to tear her Two Fingers into bloody ribbons, at long last giving her full control over her own destiny.
Marika in the present day is a prisoner held in perpetual torment. According to Enia and the Two Fingers,
"Queen Marika is the vessel of the Elden Ring, carrier of its vision. A god, in truth. But after the Elden Ring's shattering, she was imprisoned in the Erdtree. A grim punishment for shattering the Order, despite her godhood. The Fingers speak... "Marika's trespass demanded a heavy sentence. But even in shackles, she remains a god, and the vision's vessel.”
Marika shattered the Order, going against the will of the Two Fingers, and was punished for it gravely. In many ways, Marika’s fate is Ranni’s absolute worst nightmare. This is exactly the fate she took such drastic lengths to escape… serving a higher power with her entire being, her will not her own, but the will of the Fingers, with any attempt at change met with violent suppression, her body essentially being used as a puppet to defend the last vestiges of the Order.
“I would not be controlled by that thing.”
I think that Ranni, seeing Marika’s broken body at the end of it all, felt nothing but pity for her in that moment, despite everything she’d done. To me, the act of Ranni holding Marika’s head in her hands feels like she’s saying, “you were my enemy. But there is no worse fate in this world than what you suffered. Now, you can be truly free."
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