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joels-shitty-puns · 5 months

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The Key To Your Heart - Track 10

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Alluding to sexual scenarios. Kissing. Panic/Anxiety Attack. Fat shaming, name calling. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f). Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 6.6k

Series List: Here!

Miss Track 9? Here!

Hi!!!! Once again I want to apologize for taking so long with this. I can't seem to ever stay awake to do anything. That being said, here it is! This is the last main chapter of our little lovebirds. There will be at least one, likely two bonus tracks coming soon though :) Also there's a smidge of Spanish in here from Pedro, but the translation is included in the end of the sentence. I took some Spanish classes back in the day but I don't speak it and had to use Google translate. So if it ISN'T right and you do speak Spanish, please let me know lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these little cuties on their first date. There's a lot, a lot, a lot of kissing in here (sorry...) and overall they're just grossly in love lol. Please let me know what you think, and if you've seriously read this far, I LOVE YOU! This is my first series, and honestly my first fic other than the one I wrote in my diary lmao. Like the reader, I am incredibly inexperienced so writing a relationship has been a bit of a challenge and half the time I don't believe the actual words I'm writing. But I really only started writing it as a way to write down my daydreams :) So to have support means the world to me, and hearing people comment/DM me saying how much they relate has meant so much and makes me feel a lot less alone, because ultimately, it doesn't matter how fictional it is, most of reader's feelings are my own. To anyone else in the same boat, I get you! Hang in there. I think there's a Pedro out there for us all. Someday. Anywho, pardon my ramble. Thank you for reading, I hope you like it. ❤

The next morning, you woke up and stretched your limbs, rolling over in your comfortable bed as the sunshine poured in through the window. At the shuffling of your body, Skipper groaned, wiggling a little in bed, nearly shoving you off the edge. You reached for your phone, blinking through your sleep a couple times before seeing a text from Pedro. “Good morning beautiful! I can't wait for our date today. I was thinking maybe we could start around 2:30 and spend the day together, if you'd like. But if that's too much, we can just make it a dinner date. Up to you which you would prefer. I understand either way. Love you ❤️”

He wants to spend the whole day with me!? And he sent me a good morning text and called me beautiful? Then signed it with a heart and love you?!!!! How did I get this man?

Your grin eclipsed your face, making you squint. If Mr. Grumpybutt weren't sharing the bed with you, you'd probably squeal and kick your feet. Tapping your phone screen, you typed out a reply. “Morning handsome ❤️ I would love nothing more than to spend the day with you. I love you too!” You sent the message before crawling out of bed gently, receiving a dirty look from Skip.

“Alright Grump. Go back to bed. Geez,” you laughed. If looks could kill, you thought. He turned back on his side, letting out a grumble and sigh, resulting in a laugh from you. Acts like he pays rent and works 40 hours a week…

You took a relaxing shower, making sure to be all nice and fresh for your date with the man of your dreams. While brushing your teeth, you noticed he had replied. “Great, I can't wait. I'll be at your place at 2:30. :)”

“Can't wait to see you. What do you have planned? I'm wondering how to dress.”

“Wear whatever you feel good in, baby. I'm sure you'll look amazing. Probably something casual you can walk around comfortably in for the day. Maybe something a little dressier for the evening, but you don't need to carry it around. We will make a stop at your place before and you can change”

Wow he really has this planned out.

“What have you got planned, P? This sounds elaborate. You know you don't need to put in all that effort, I'm already yours ❤️”

“You deserve the world, my love.”

Dressed in a pair of leggings and a light sweater, you felt reasonably cute while still being comfortable for whatever activity Pedro had in mind. Plus, with the crisp November air, you would be nice and warm. You were just finishing tying your sneakers when your doorbell rang.

You opened the door to find your handsome boyfriend standing on your step, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. “Mi amor,” he handed you the roses, kissing your cheek and hand. “Thank you Pedro,” your cheeks heated. “Come in,” you pulled his hand across the doorway towards the living room. Skipper pushed past you to investigate, causing Pedro to drop your hand.

“Well there he is! That handsome boy!” Skipper’s tail wagged and his butt wiggled as Pedro crouched to give ear scratches. “Oh, I love you too,” Pedro answered when Skip kissed his face frantically. A fit of giggles erupted from Pedro, making your heart swell with joy. He has the cutest laugh, and the fact that your dog is causing it was surreal.

“You're just a beautiful boy! Aren't you?! Hermoso, igual que tu mamá,” he held Skipper’s face, kissing his nose. (Beautiful, just like your mama)

Your chest was filled with butterflies. Holy shit, he's charming. “Thank you, Pedro,” you said in a whisper, not even sure if he would hear. Turning his head from your dog, Pedro looked up at you, giving you a gentle smile; but the eye contact was quickly torn away when Skipper pressed a needy paw to Pedro's chest. Both of you now giggling, Pedro continued to pet Skipper, stopping to give him a hug and some more nose kisses.

“Alright. I gotta ask…” you prompted, causing Pedro to turn his head towards you again. “Are you just dating me to hang out with my dog?” You smirked.

Pedro turned back to Skipper, speaking in a low voice. “She's catching on to us buddy. We've been made.” You burst out laughing, Skipper looking over at you as if his plan really had been foiled.

Pedro gave a final pat on Skipper’s head before standing and walking over to you. “Nonsense,” he pecked a kiss to your lips. “I do love that sweet boy of yours,” he replied before turning his face to whisper in your ear. “But I'm absolutely enamored with you, Mamacita.” The hair on your neck stood as a chill rushed down your spine. You bit your lower lip, and he stared back into your eyes, leaning in for a passionate kiss.

“You look beautiful,” he tucked your hair behind your ear.

“You look rather handsome, yourself,” you replied. His hair was brushed back and to the side, his curls neatly swept and threatening to break free around his face. You wondered whether he asked for help to make his hair look extra nice for your date or if he styled it himself.

Running your fingertips over his patched salt and pepper beard, your hands found the small heart shaped patches near his chin. You brushed your thumb over his jaw before leaning in to press a kiss on the bare skin, causing his eyes to close as he let out a sigh. The whiskers tickled your cheeks as you continued kissing up his jawline, back across his cheek, and on his nose before pulling away to look into his eyes.

He opted to not wear glasses today, allowing you a closer look into his deep brown eyes which were softening under your gaze. “You ready to go, baby?” He asked you, his hand on your hip as he rubbed circles with his thumb.

“Absolutely,” you smiled. He wore a pair of dark jeans, tennis shoes, and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his forearm. He looked absolutely… incredible.

While you were grabbing your bag, he grabbed Skipper's leash. “Is Skipper coming too?” You asked, confused.

Skipper was twirling now, impatient to go somewhere.

“Sure is! Couldn't leave him out. But don't worry, you and I will have the night to ourselves,” he winked.

You looked downward, feeling shy and flushed. “Okay,” you giggled, clipping Skip to his leash and heading for the door.

“Do you want to take my car? You'll get dog hair and slobber in yours,” you offer.

“I don't mind! I love dogs,” Pedro replied, opening the door for Skipper to climb in the back seat. After closing the door, he opened the passenger door for you. Such a gentleman, you thought with a sigh, getting in and thanking him.

As the car sped along, you looked over at your boyfriend driving the car. Boyfriend! That'll never get old… you thought to yourself. The air conditioning blew the few loose strands of hair on the top of his head, and his left hand gripped the wheel, making the veins on his hand prominent. With his right hand, he reached over, holding your left in his, resting on top of your thigh.

He really did look beautiful. You couldn't help but stare at him as he expertly drove the car, hand flexing as he turned the wheel. His mouth pursed and he licked his lips, his tongue slowly jutting out to wet them.

Damn, I want those lips on mine. That tongue in my mouth, you thought, feeling rather warm, despite the air conditioning swirling around the car.

“So where are we spending the day?” You asked, trying to quiet the flames of attraction licking at your pulse.

“It's a surprise! But we're almost there,” he answered, rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand.

Pedro looked in the side mirror and laughed. “Babe, look at Skipper.”

You looked to see him with his head out the window, ears and lips blown back with the wind, his tongue lolled out to the side and blowing with the speed of the vehicle.

You both chuckled before you warned him, “your car is going to be covered in slobbers, Pedro!” He gave another quick look to Skipper before replying. “That's okay. It'll help me remember this day until I wash it again,” he looked over at you and smiled. It felt so natural. So… domestic, the two of you sitting in the car, going on a date, him holding your hand while driving, and the two of you laughing at your dog in the back seat. It was just perfect. Everything you dreamed.

He wasn't joking when he said you were almost there. It was only about five more minutes until the car pulled into the parking lot of the dog-friendly beach.

Stepping out of the vehicle, you took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar smell of salty sea air and hearing the chatter of gulls. The breeze blew your hair gently, but the day was relatively warm for November.

After the three of you exited the car, Pedro opened the trunk, pulling out a large picnic basket and tote bag. “You really came prepared, didn't you? Pedro, this is really special. Thank you.” Your eyes felt teary and the smile you held was genuine. Nobody has ever put this much effort into anything for you. Other than him.

“You don't need to thank me. I want you to be happy and I want the three of us to have a nice day,” he added, pecking your lips.

“Wait.. Pedro,” you frowned. “It looks kind of crowded. Should I be nervous about paparazzi or anything?” Your stomach bubbled with nervous energy.

“Don't worry, sweetheart. Celebs come here all the time. I've come here before. If they do, they might take pictures, but usually it's pretty low-key here. Try not to worry too much. I want you to have a nice time,” he squeezed your hand affectionately.

“Okay. I trust you,” you smiled at him as the three of you walked towards the sand, finding a nice place to picnic. Pedro unpacked, laying down a large blanket before setting up the spread of sandwiches, veggies, and fruit. He offered you a cold drink from the basket and the two of you sat, using a metal stake to secure Skipper’s leash near your blanket. He flopped onto his side, content to be sunbathing with some of his favorite people.

The lunch consisted of peaceful conversations and laughter, learning more about each other despite having talked for several months now. It seemed you could never run out of conversation topics. But even in the quiet moments, it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt relaxing. You were both content being able to sit together in silence and just enjoy each other's company.

After your meal, you packed up the basket and headed for the car again to put the things away, opting for a walk unburdened by carrying items across the sand. Neither of you brought a swimsuit today, but despite the California sun, it was still November, and the Pacific ocean was never really warm, even in the middle of summer. That didn't seem to bother Skipper very much though. As the two of you walked hand in hand near the water, barefoot in the wet sand, he ran laps around Pedro holding him on the leash, occasionally splashing through the shallow water before joining close by his family again.

He would definitely need a bath later, but you didn't mind. He was happy splashing around, having a great day. You were happy walking with the man of your dreams, fingers intertwined together. Everything felt right. You weren't even nervous, despite the way Pedro looked like the most handsome man you've ever seen, or the fact that he was famous, and that you occasionally received stares from other beach goers. Instead of the usual first-date nerves people get, you just felt love.

“So,” he started excitedly, “Obviously I have most of this date planned, but I also wanted to check in with you and see if you had anything particular in mind that you wanted to do together.”

You thought for a second, letting a memory burn into your thoughts. “Well,” you began, "I don't want to sound like a total creepy fan or anything...” you added, cautiously. You kinda were, with all the photos of him you had saved on your phone (prior to deleting them before your first meeting in person). But that's not important right now, and he probably doesn't need to know that. Maybe it can be a funny story later.

Pedro laughed, that cute little wheezy laugh he does with his giant smile that makes your stomach do somersaults. Those same somersaults you've been getting since you first saw that smile on the screen and knew you were absolutely screwed until you got over this crush. Or, unexpectedly, when you walked hand-in-hand with him, like you were now.

“But…?” he pondered, looking down at you sideways, with a playful smirk and those big brown eyes that could make you lose your mind. They absolutely glittered in the sunlight right now, reflecting all the joy and love he felt for you.

“Okay maybe I'm a little creepy…” you nudged him with your side, still gripping his hand in yours as the two of you walked peacefully. The beach was crowded, but you and him, and Skipper, were the only ones here as far as either of you were concerned. There could be a loud scream and it wouldn't compare to the squealing in your mind. A firework show would simply feel like a projection of your sparks. A tornado couldn't sweep you off your feet as well as he could.

“Is this where you tell me you've been watching me sleep through my window for the past three years or something?” He raised an eyebrow, playful smile still on his face as he licked his lips.

“What?” You squeaked, laughing. “No. I mean… I did have some pictures saved of you, and have maybe read a fictional story or two about you and your characters…” or a few thousand, you thought.

You cringed. Why the fuck did I say that out loud?!

Your cheeks felt hot and you diverted your eyes away from the man beside you, a nervous grimace painted across your mouth. He barked out a laugh, pulling you into his side for a hug. “Baby, you're cute. I don't mind that you used to read those. I don't even mind if you still do. No different than a book, right? Maybe it'll give us some fun date ideas.” He rested his head on top of yours innocently.

Oh, if only he knew the things you read.

“Right. Fun date ideas,” you smirked to yourself. He pulled away to look at you, eyebrow raising playfully.

“Sweetheart,” he interrogated in the same tone you use when Skipper steals a sock from the laundry, “what kind of stories are you reading about me and my characters, huh?” He lifted your chin to meet his eyes. You'd feel nervous from his tone if he didn't flash a smug, knowing grin at you.

“Oh, you know…” you shrugged. “Just the typical romance stuff,” you turned, facing him and resting your hand on his chest, tracing a circle over his heart with your finger. You felt his pulse pick up under your touch, and saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“What kind of thoughts are going through that pretty head of yours?” He asked, raising his brow while you continued tracing little hearts into his shirt with your index finger.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” You winked before removing your hand from his chest. Starting to walk away, you continued your earlier statement. “Anyway, as I was saying-”

“Oh, no you don’t,” he interrupted, laughing. “Don't think you're getting out of this conversation that easy,” he gently pulled your forearm, stopping your movement and sending you twirling into his arms once again.

“Maybe someday I'll tell you,” you giggled, booping his nose.

“Someday? Why not tell me now?” He ran his thumb over your lip, eyes drifting down quickly before returning to your eyes.

“I'll show you the fanfics I read about you when I know you're stuck with me and you aren't going to run for the hills,” you laughed nervously, only partially joking.

His playful demeanor vanished before your eyes, turning into a look of… concern? Oh no. This is it. Where he realizes what a mistake he made. Where he says he doesn't want to be together. Where he breaks my heart.

He gently held your arm, rubbing soft strokes. “Honey. What are you talking about?” His soft brown eyes searched your face. You gulped, not wanting to make eye contact, but he again pulled your chin up, forcing you to look at him. “I…” you floundered for the words. “I don't want to scare you away.”

“Why would I be scared away?” he asked in almost a whisper, concern and sadness lacing his features.

“Because I just had this huge, huge crush on you. So, I read fanfics and I saved all your photos and I watched all your movies. I spent more time on social media looking for updates on you. Just so I could see you, or imagine what being with you would feel like. Like a total crazy person. An absolute psycho creeper.”

“Baby…” he brushed his thumb over your cheek. “You aren't any of those things. I actually think that’s kind of sweet. Although, it makes me a little sad thinking about the pain you must have felt, having these strong feelings and not having found each other yet.” He brushed your hair out of your face, settling his other hand on your waist before continuing.

“Feelings make us feel a little crazy sometimes, and although I never read fanfiction about you, or had any pictures to save, I would be lying if I said I didn't take a screenshot of us that first night you showed me your face.” He rubbed his neck bashfully.

Fanfic about me? What? If that even exists, I gotta see what people are saying…

“You did?” His admission surprised you, to say the least. He sighed before answering. “Yes. I had - have,” he corrected himself, “a pretty big crush on you too, baby. But I felt like I was betraying you in a way, taking a picture of you during our video chat. I just wanted to remember your face if I never saw it again,” he sighed.

“I fell in love with you the first time I heard your song... I heard you sing about your feelings and daydreams. So… you admitting about fanfiction and pictures isn't all that surprising.” You lowered your eyes in embarrassment.

“Hey, look at me.” He stroked your cheek. You looked up and he continued. “I took that picture because I had already fallen so head-over-heels for you that the first time I saw your face, I stopped breathing. Although I knew I wouldn't be able to get the image of you out of my mind, I couldn't risk forgetting the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.”

You dropped your gaze again, cheeks feeling a permanent state of warmth and butterflies dancing from your stomach to your chest. “You don't honestly mean that, Pedro.” You sighed. “I appreciate it, but there's no way. I really don't know what you could ever see in someone like me,” you whispered, barely audible. If you weren't standing so close, he would've missed it.

Instead of responding, he dropped his arms from your body. At the loss of contact, your heart sank. But when you lifted your head to meet his eyes, he was fishing around his pocket for his phone. Calling an Uber to leave? Your self-doubt pestered.

A few taps to his screen later and he held up his phone. There you were, sitting at your table in your favorite dress, with your favorite food and flowers on the table. You had the biggest smile on your face and in the bottom corner, you could see Pedro looking handsome as always, and absolutely smitten with you, the largest grin painted across his features.

At the sight of the image, your heart warmed. “See what you mean to me?” He asked, putting his phone back into his pocket. You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love you,” you choked out, leaning forward to mold your lips to his. They fit together perfectly. Like they were made for each other. He pressed back before opening his mouth ever so slightly to lick at your lips. Matching his movements, your tongues met, dancing a waltz in exploration as he pulled you forward by your lower back, seeming as if trying to get as close as possible somehow.

As the two of you paused for air, he ran his hand further down your back, just barely grazing the dip of your spine where your torso meets your butt. He gave you a look, almost to determine your reaction, asking permission to let his hand continue. When you didn't back away, going as far as pulling him closer around his neck and leaning in for another kiss, he pressed his lips against yours in return and let his hands wander a little further down. When his hand wrapped around the cheek of your ass, you squeaked. This is new… and I like it, you thought. His whole hand fit across your cheek. His huge hands. You whimpered as he gave a squeeze, like he was claiming you as his own.

“I love you too.” He finally responded, pulling out of the kiss to search your eyes. “So tell me… what was this activity you wanted to add to our date? The one you fear makes you sound like a creepy fan?” He let out a small laugh, brushing your nose with his.

“This,” you replied, pressing another kiss.

“Kissing?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over your waist and resting his forehead to yours. “I think we've already been doing that, if I'm not mistaken.” He pecked your lips with his.

“Yes,” you kissed. “Well,” kiss. “Actually,” you pulled away enough to explain. “I read this interview you gave a few years ago about your ideal first date?”

“Yeah?”

“You said something about ‘a date that doesn't feel like a date. And

hopefully by the end, or throughout, very

good kissing.” You said, slightly cautious at your memorization, a bit nervous at the implication of what you're saying.

“Oh, is that what you want?” He flashed his eyes up to look at you, giving a devilish smirk.

“Well, as someone who hadn't been kissed yet when I read it, I sorta lost my mind over it,” you laughed. “Obviously we've kissed before, but if it were up to me your lips would never leave mine,” you pressed your lips to his again.

“I think we should be able to make that happen,” he leaned in, brushing his nose against yours before pulling you in for another kiss. “Mmmm” you sighed, pulling away from his lips. “Never gets old.” You held his hand in yours, the two of you walking again down the beach.

“So I was thinking,” he began, “since you said you deleted all your photos, and I only have the one, maybe we could make some new photos… together,” the corner of his mouth turned up into a crooked smile. You grinned and nodded excitedly. “Please!”

Pulling out his phone, the two of you took several photos together. Some just smiling, some with Skipper, and your personal favorites, the ones with him kissing you. This will make for a perfect lockscreen, you imagined.

As you approached the edge of a rocky cliffside at the end of the beach, a sea lion barked in the distance. Skipper perked up, tilting his head and letting his ears twitch before returning a “boof.” The two of you laughed, ushering your dog away from making any wild ocean friends, and headed towards the boardwalk.

After grabbing an ice cream at a candy shop, you were so deep in conversation and laughter that you didn't notice the girl off to the side looking nervous. Slowly she walked over. Skipper put up his guard, but as she approached, she gave a kind wave. “Hi… I'm sorry to bother you. I'm a big fan of you both.”

“Us… both?!” You responded, surprised. Pedro shook his head with a laugh before thanking the fan.

“Of course! Your music is amazing! I listen to it on my way home from work everyday. I relate to so many of your songs.”

“Wow, thank you so much. I never expected to be recognized. You're so kind,” you replied honestly.

She asked for a photo with you both, and after obliging, she mentioned before leaving, “by the way, I was following all the news that went down. I just want to say I think it's cute how you guys got together and you make a really cute couple. Okay bye! Thank you again!!” And with that, she scurried away, leaving you to look at Pedro in surprise. “Wow” you replied with a laugh. “I can't believe I'm getting recognized,” you spoke quietly.

“How do you feel about it?” Pedro asked cautiously.

“I feel… okay, so far. This was a nice interaction, and even though people keep looking at us… being able to be out in public with you, to show my face, kiss you, hug you, hold your hand,” you gave his hand a squeeze, “it makes it all worth it.”

“I couldn't agree more,” he looked into your eyes, giving a soft smile. You matched his expression before his face slowly faded into concern. “Do you think work will go okay for you? Now that it's out there?”

You took a deep breath, walking a few more steps with him down the boardwalk before replying. “I don't know. I guess so. Or… I hope so at least. I've had a few of my friends and coworkers message me kind words of encouragement. So at least I'll have some people on my side, even if anyone else has something to say. But really, they shouldn't. They already know me. They knew I liked you,” you leaned into him. “So they should be happy for me if anything. And if not, then… well, they didn't deserve to be my friend anyway,” you shrugged. “But I think I might take some time off to figure out everything, career wise,” you added. Still leaning into his side, Pedro unlatched his fingers from yours, opting to reach his arm around you, giving your shoulder a squeeze and rubbing soft circles into your upper arm.

“Baby,” Pedro began, his voice vibrating through your body as he leaned his head on yours, “I’m so proud of you. Have I told you how strong I think you are?” Your cheeks warmed and you grinned. “Thank you Pedro,” you wrapped your arms around his waist to hug him. “But I don't think I'm that strong. I struggle to open pickle jars just like the rest of us,” you joked.

Pedro gave a quiet snort. “You know what I mean, honey,” he laughed. “I don't mean physical strength. Though I'm sure you could hold your own in an arm wrestle, I mean your ability to handle all of this thrown at you so quickly. Your ability to adapt and stay cheerful about everything. You just keep continuing to amaze me,” he pulled his head away from yours to meet your gaze. He smiled softly and you thanked him.

“I don't feel very strong,” you mumbled, breaking away from his stare. “You are, though. You're strong, smart, beautiful. Talented. Passionate,” he kissed your lips.

“Pedro, I love you, but you always seem to use all these words I don't feel. You see me as someone completely different than the way I've always seen myself. I want to believe you, but-” you sighed. “No one else has ever shown any indication that those are true,” you pouted, trying not to tear up.

“Hey, hey, whoa. Stop,” he halted your movements, pulling your chin up to his face. “Maybe they didn't see you, but I do. I feel all those things about you, and I'll spend every single day trying to prove it. I told myself I wouldn't get involved in romance a long time ago. But you changed all that.”

His chocolate brown eyes felt like they looked directly into your soul as he attempted to unravel your self-doubt. With a deep breath, you calmed enough to reply. “I love you, and I feel all those things for you as well. I'm glad you opened yourself up to love again.” You pressed a kiss to his lips. “I'm glad I met you” you sucked his lip. “I'm glad you're mine.” You kissed him again, deepening it, letting your tongue press gently to his and tangling together in passion before pulling away.

Skipper had completely rolled into his side in wait for you both, between the conversation and the kissing. When the two of you broke away with matching grins, you looked over to see the sun had sunk down to the border between sky and ocean. In its wake was a bright orange sky, with pink, purple, and yellow streaks mixed in, as if a painter had gotten a bit too carried away with the paints. It was blindingly beautiful.

Drawn to it like moths, the three of you walked towards the shoreline once again. You started to sit, but Pedro pulled you into his chest and fished for his phone.

You gave him a confused look before he kissed you deeply and held out his arm. Unlatching his lips from yours with a pop, he held up his phone to you with a smile. In front of the vibrant ocean sunset, the silhouette of a couple shared a loving kiss. For once, it was you in this couple photo. You and the man you love.

You walked a little farther down the sand before sitting down just above the line of wet sand to admire the sunset. Pedro sat behind you, his legs on either side of you while you lay back into his chest. As you leaned into him, he hugged around your body, molding himself to you and tracing light circles into the skin on your arms, making the hairs stand on end and a shiver to run down your spine.

Skipper flopped down nearby, clearly sleepy after a long walk and plenty of new smells. You ran a gentle hand down his back until you heard soft snores, then let him sleep, leaning your head on Pedro’s arm around your shoulder. “This sunset is beautiful,” you sighed, watching as the sun descended further below the ocean. It looked as if it was sinking deep below the surface, offering its light to the deep sea anglerfish miles below.

“It is amazing,” Pedro agreed, staring at you. “But my view is even better,” he added, and you could feel his eyes on the side of your face as he kissed your shoulder. You looked over at him, meeting his eyes, now sparkling with the orange of the sky. “Mine too,” you whispered, tilting your head to press another kiss to his lips.

When the sun went down completely, you headed to the car and Pedro drove back to your place so you could get ready for dinner.

Pedro sat on the couch patiently, stroking the fur on Skip’s back while he snoozed, his head in Pedro's lap. In your bedroom, you searched for the perfect outfit to wear, finally deciding on a nice dress and sweater.

Hopefully the restaurant isn't too cold, you thought.

Walking out of the bedroom, you joined your boys in the living room, only to be greeted by Pedro’s jaw hitting the floor. “Te ves tan hermosa mi amor,” he stuttered in Spanish, flipping languages so easily when he was overcome with emotion. (You look so gorgeous my love.)

He gently stood, sliding out from below your dog, before walking over to you. His eyes scanned your body from head to toe and back up again, making you feel nervous. “You… you look… wow.” He rubbed his hand over his chin, his thumb grazing his lip. His pupils grew, making his eyes ever-so-slightly darker. You shivered under his gaze.

At your shiver, his demeanor shifted. “Shit, are you cold? Baby, you look incredible, but if you're cold -”

“I'm not cold, Pedro,” you interrupted.

“Are you sure? I saw you shiver.” He stepped towards you, touching your arm. A buzz crept under your skin like a live wire. “It wasn't from the cold…” you replied.

“It wasn't from-?” He paused, the realization hitting him as he understood your shiver wasn't from cold but frankly.. the opposite. “Oh,” he hummed, settling his hand on your hip and stepping closer.

Another chill.

“Feeling excited for our date, huh?” His voice caressed into your ear as he kissed his way down your neck, pausing to take gentle nibbles on the skin of your collarbone, neck, and chin, before pulling you in by your waist to press a deep kiss to your mouth, his tongue finding yours.

This was starting to feel natural, kissing. And you two were getting good at it together. Knowing just the way his tongue moved, finding just the spot to make you whine. You even managed to find a spot of him that made a groan slip from his lips nearly every time. Kissing him was addicting, and you had no intention of kicking the habit.

He pulled away, pulling your lip with his teeth as you let out a slight hiss. “I'd love to do this all night, but I promised you dinner, my love,” he kissed your cheek, his beard scratching your face just right. You sighed, agreeing to dinner and taking a minute step back. It felt much warmer in the room than before, and you could tell he felt the same. As your eyes drifted across his body, he nervously rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat. Slowly sweeping his eyes down his body, it was evident you both wanted something beyond dinner.

But the gentleman he is, Pedro stepped forward again, taking your hand and leading you toward the door.

Pulling up to the curb, Pedro opened your door for you before handing his keys to the valet. Linking his arm with yours, the two of you walked into an elegant Italian restaurant. He gave the waitress his name, and she led you back to a secluded room where a single booth sat.

The room was dimly lit, illuminated by candles and twinkling fairy lights. They lined the ceiling, mimicking the starry sky, were it not for the smog of the city. You two walked toward the only booth, settled against the nook of a window, draped with a soft, thin white curtain covering the view from outside. Only the reflection of street lights peered through the thin drapery.

Sliding into the booth, Pedro sat next to you, close enough to touch, yet due to the curve of the corner booth, you were able to converse without craning your neck awkwardly. At the center of the table was a single red rose in a vase, sat next to the glow of a candle. The table itself was rounded and draped with an elegant dark red tablecloth.

Grabbing the triangular folded napkin off your plate, you folded it across your lap, Pedro doing the same. He reached over to you, taking your hand in his. He rolled his hand over the top of yours, linking his fingers between your own and giving a gentle squeeze while offering a soft smile.

You looked into his eyes, searching for the words he might be thinking. In his eyes you only found love and appreciation, pure happiness oozing from his features. When the waitress came back, she set a basket of bread with butter on the table and took your orders.

The night went smoothly, chatter filling the empty spaces while you enjoyed your meals. “Pedro, I know this is technically our first date, but I gotta say, I think I consider our video chat for my album as the first date. It was the first time I felt like I might actually have a shot with you. You put so much effort into that night and it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I didn't know I could fall for you any harder than I was, but you proved me wrong. And even though we didn't say it was a date, and I didn't have much experience before you, it felt more like a date than anything I had ever felt before. You're a real romantic, P.”

He smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. “That felt like the first date to me too. I knew for sure that I loved you that night.” Your cheeks heated, and you leaned your head on his shoulder.

It was only when the bill arrived that you broke apart. Though you offered to pay, at least for your meal, Pedro wouldn't stand for that. After all, he told you, this date was his idea. So instead, you thanked him and left the restaurant the same way you entered, arms linked.

As Pedro pulled up outside of your home, you let out a sigh. It was already after 9 PM. You had spent nearly eight hours together and yet you dreaded the moment you'd be saying goodbye. It was almost that time already, yet it felt like only five minutes had passed.

Though the walk from Pedro’s car to your front door was rather short, you both managed to prolong it, walking as slow as possible. Clearly he wasn't ready for it to end either. Two love sick fools, just wanting to spend every moment together.

Teetering on the edge of goodbyes, you awkwardly stood by your door. There were no nerves at a first kiss, fortunately. There had been plenty of kisses shared today, and yesterday, and the day prior. In fact, if it weren't for breathing, eating, and other bodily functions, you'd be fine having your lips glued to his indefinitely.

So with that in mind, and the burning desire to spend more time together, as he said goodbye, placing a kiss to your lips and beginning to walk away, you grabbed his arm. “Wait,” you plead.

Pedro turned, looking at you as if you had something to say, or you had forgotten a sweater in the car. But instead, with your heart pounding in your ears, you quietly asked, “would you like to come in? I’m not quite ready to say goodbye.”

The question could be taken with so many potential implications, or none at all. All you knew for sure was that you wanted to spend more time with him. What happened next could be decided in the moment.

His eyes flashed surprise for a moment. He looked at you, trying to read your face for any details in your question, then stared at your front door before turning back to you and finally answering.

“I would love to,” he smiled.

And so the two of you walked through the threshold of your front door, buzzing with new possibilities just inside. But no matter how the rest of the evening takes place, you were in love, and for once, you were loved back.

The end! Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for the bonus tracks, and once again I'd love to hear what you think! Reblogs are appreciated as well :)

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibleywrites @faithfullyyours2000 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97 @stefanibear003 @marantha @fandomoniumflurry @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl @leiadjarin @hmneighbors @emmalostinwonderland

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #a! wrote a fic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x afab!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x musician!reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x plus sized! reader #pedro pascal rpf #rpf #key to your heart #pedro pascal smut

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observeowl · 3 months

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Unwanted Marriage | Chapter 10 - Mrs Romanoff

Series Masterlist

You were stunned as you looked at the wedding invitation given to you by Sharon. "Y/N, am I mistaking the name of the groom?" Even Wanda wasn't sure if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Sharon was going to get married to Chase Adler.

"Y/N, don't think I will let you off so easily. Now Chase is going to back me, it's a matter of time when I will get rid of you!" Sharon was still unable to let go of her grudge on you even after almost getting injured. "Y/N did not force you to be with anyone. You are the one that gets yourself involved with Adler." Sharon was about to shout at her when you stepped up to protect her. "You have chosen your own road, nobody asked you to marry him."

"You are the one that pulled us together! The person on that day should have been you! You are really a bitch. You trick thousands of people. You and Chase are the perfect match!" You were no longer going to suffer in silence and gave her a resounding slap. "You bitch. You dare to slap me!"

"What happened? Sharon is looking for trouble with Y/N again?" // "I don't know, it seems that Y/N just hit Sharon." // "All the grudges she bears finally turned into a slap?" In an open office, there was hardly any privacy.

"Sharon Carter! Y/N Y/L/N! Into my office. Now!" Tony Stark came out of his office and ordered. "Millicent, you too."

"What happened just now? Why did you start a fight?" He asked to get to the bottom of it. "She hit me! I just gave her my wedding invitation, does she have to be that angry? I'm afraid that someone had a bad marriage, and is jealous that I'll get married."

"If she doesn't have a good marriage, then who does." Tony thought. "Y/N, you tell me, what happened?"

"Chief Editor, I can't tell you clearly what happened, so why don't I just show you? A fox like her deserved to be hit while walking down the street. I think, any woman would have hit her when they heard someone talk about them like that."

"What do you mean, am I wrong?" Sharon was still adamant on her ways to the end. "Sharon Carter! What happened at the dinner had a serious impact on the company. So I will let someone more suitable to come and take your position. From today onwards, you are no longer editor of Group 1."

"I am demoted? (I never realised this bitch has hooked up to Tony Stark. No wonder she can be this overbearing in the office!) Y/N! You better watch out!"

It was pretty much peaceful for the rest of the day except when Natasha texted you saying she'll be waiting for you outside the building after work. "Ah ha, from your look I can tell it's from the goddess himself." Wanda pushed her chair close to you and ambushed you from behind. You pushed her away and faced away, there was no way you were that obvious.

Once it was time to get off work, Wanda rushed you off saying she'll clear the rest for you. You thanked her before packing your bags and leaving. "Do we have plans today?" You asked as you entered the car. "Yes, I'll take you to meet Rick Mason, he has been wanting to see you."

"Rick Mason?"

"A family friend."

You realised anyone related to Natasha or gets to call Natasha a friend are all very rich people. When you entered the estate. To get to the front gate of this mysterious Rick Mason, you have to drive through a long stretch of road.

"You must be Y/N." He greeted you at the front door.

"That's right, I am Y/N, nice to meet you."

"Hi, you can call me Rick. Come on in. Today I have asked the cook to make some of Natasha's favourite dishes, but I don't know whether it is to your taste."

"It smells nice." You complimented. "Never know that you would be so homely."

"I also know how to cook." Natasha said when he heard you complimenting him. "Really?" You questioned. You can't really picture her standing in the kitchen cutting vegetables. "You don't believe it?"

"Nope."

The three of you began eating and talking and the topic eventually landed on Natasha's legs. "I heard that you have not been to the hospital for a long time for a check up? The doctor said there is still hope, you cannot be so wilful."

"Rick, it's all in the past."

"I know in your heart you will never let it go."

"I understand what you mean, but as long as I don't get some things cleaned up, my legs will not recover." You didn't join in on the conversation as you know it was not your place to do so.

You had a lovely time there but it reached the time where you needed to head home. Rick stopped you from entering the car. "Y/N, ever since she was young, Natasha always has her own ideas, so you try to talk to her."

"Alright, I understand." You were deep in thought as Clint drove the two of you back. "What are you thinking?"

"Nat, haven't you thought of getting your legs checked? Rick is right, there is a chance that you will recover."

"Now is not the right time." She didn't give any more explanation. "Is it because of your stepmother? Were your legs also because of them?"

"You don't have to worry about these things, I will handle it." She has to manage so many things. From your estimation, she took over the company for 10 years and fell into an accident a few years after that. You wondered how she got through it all those years. "You don't have to be sympathetic to me." She pulled you closer to rest your head on her shoulder. "I only hope to see admiration and love in your eyes."

===

"Sharon, this is so pretty." She was flaunting her diamond ring in the office and of course there were people who were jealous of her.

"That's nothing, I think she purposely said it in front of you."

"People love to talk, so whatever, we should let her talk if she wants to." As long as she was not actively doing something against you, you don't want to spend your energy on her. "Y/N, someone is looking for you." A colleague told you.

"I will go with you, I am very worried after what happened last time." Wanda was ready to leave her seat and go with you. "Okay."

"Excuse me, are you all looking for me?" You asked the group of guys. "Are you Y/n Y/L/N?" You nodded. "Please come with us." Wanda became suspicious of them when they didn't state their reason for being here. They showed you their police badge, but it wasn't like you could differentiate the real from the fake "We are the police, we need to clarify with you what happened during the dinner."

"Sorry, I wasn't involved in that incident. You have the wrong person."

"Yeah, the victim is just over there, why don't you ask her to assist with your investigation, we don't know anything."

"Please cooperate with our investigation." They started being forceful and grabbed your wrist. "What are you doing?!"

"Help!, we are being kidnapped!" Wanda shouted. "Give me back my phone!"

"Want to call your lawyer? You should wait till you are in the station first!" The two of you started hitting them in the head and their manhood. "You dare to assault the police! You dare to obstruct our work, you can't get away with it now!"

"Hit the police?" // "Are they really the police?" You and Wanda glanced at each other. If they truly are the police, you just got yourself in trouble...

"What is this?" The voice that you came to hate appeared again. "Kidnapping or assaulting the police?"

"She didn't do anything, don't you want me? Let's go then." You tried misdirecting them. "You actually assaulted the police. Policemen, you shouldn't let them off so easily." In the end, the two of you got escorted out the building by the police with a crowd behind you.

Y/N Y/L/N, you will suffer the same pain as I did! No, it's going to be a hundred times worse! I want to see who will save you in the police station this time!

Two of you were thrown into a room when you arrived at the station. "Wait! I need to inform my family! You have no reason to detain us!" You shouted through the door. "No reason? You both assaulted policemen. Is that not reason enough? Just stay here and shut up!"

"What are we supposed to do now?" Wanda asked. "Where is your phone?"

"They have taken it away saying that I cannot bring my phone." Wanda sadly revealed. "Just now when we came, I heard those people were making a call to Adler."

"Adler? Chase Adler?"

"If it's really him then what should we do?" Wanda asked. "Don't worry, it might not be such a coincidence. I mean if it is Adler, he is trying to get back at me but not you."

"Look at this, such deep sisterly love, so touching." A sarcastic clap sounded. "Of course it's me! Last time you escaped, but this time you are at my place. I want to see how you can escape." He makes his way closer to the both of you. "What do you want?"

"Aren't you clear what I want to do? Don't worry, I have prepared a lot of things today, you will like it."

"Adler! Do you know where this place is? Aren't you afraid that people will know about it?!" You shouted at him. "I told you, this is my place. My dad is the Chief of this police station, do you think they dare to leak anything out?"

"Ad-Adler, you, you calm yourself down, just let us go, okay?" He ignored Wanda's words and told his subordinates to hold her and separate the two of you. You screamed for them to let her go but Adler was very focused on you. "Y/N Y/L/N, if you beg me, I might be nice to you." He said in a sickly sweet voice. "Stop dreaming!" You spat on him and shouted.

"Bitch!" He wound his hands and gave you a slap before grabbing you by the throat and pushing you at the wall. "I think you prefer the hard way! The more you resist the more I like it. No hurry, later you will know what heaven is!"

"Adler, you will regret this!"

"I will be a happy ghost even if I get to die underneath the peony flower, but you can think of how you can make it happy so that I might be gentle to you!" He tightened his hands around his neck before dropping you to the floor.

Your pants rode down a little due to the movement and Adler was about to seize the opportunity when you pushed him away and adjusted your clothes. "You stupid whore, stop pretending to be chaste! You just wait there like a good girl and I'll guarantee that you'll feel like you're in heaven!"

"Bastard!" He wasn't fast enough to react as someone wrapped his arm around his neck and slammed him to the floor. "Who was that?! How dare you? Do you know who my father is..." He dragged on when he saw a cane in his peripheral.

"Dad? Why are you here?" He asked. "How dare you randomly arrest people here?!"

"Dad, don't you already know about this..."

"Shut up! How dare you say that!"

"Dad?"

You flinched when you felt someone touch you but her scent surrounded you made you look up. "Don't be afraid, it's me." It's as if her voice is opening a door and rescuing you from this never ending darkness. Tears cascaded down your face when you realised you were finally going to be safe with her.

"Ms- Ms Romanoff? Why are you here? This..."

"Ha, how can I miss a show that you prepared so well for? After all, you secretly took my wife here!" Her hands didn't leave you even when he was talking to Adler. "Wi-wife? Dad, I didn't know!"

"I am really sorry, Mrs Romanoff, my son is truly ignorant, this is just a misunderstanding... Sorry for troubling you... you can deal with this however you like." His son looked up at his Dad in shock, why was he not defending him? "This is all because... this is all Sharon Carter's fault! I really don't know anything!"

"Sharon Carter, Sharon Carter! You don't know anything even though you're married? Aren't you ashamed?!"

"What's wrong with our Adler Family?! What did we do wrong that we're afraid of Natasha Romanoff?! Is it because of her vicious tactics? No matter how vicious she is, she's just a disabled guy! What can she do to us?" He reached over to grab her legs and Clint was about to intervene when Natasha told him to stop. "Dad! Look at how she's lost her mobility! She can't even walk, why should we be scared of-?!"

Before he could finish his sentence, he felt a foot on his face, kicking him to the floor. Natasha folded her leg rest and pushed it aside before standing. Adler was visibly shaking when he saw Natasha standing in front of him. "Even if I am disabled, I won't let the Adler family off!" When she spoke in a calm tone, it made her even scarier.

"Na...tasha?" You looked at her. To see her standing was not something you imagined. At least not so soon. She walked closer to you and lifted you up bridal style. "Y/N, from now on no one will dare to hurt you. Because, I promise, even if the whole world is against me, for you, I will let the whole world know that Y/N Y/L/N no longer exist, only Y/N Romanoff. And that you are my woman, my wife, and she will be happy."

Series Masterlist

@natsxwife @franfineashell @dvrkhcld @reginassweetheart @marvelogic @autorasexy

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha x you #my writing #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x female reader #black widow x reader #unwanted marriage #mcu x reader #marvel #avengers

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greg-montgomery · 1 year

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Ivy - Part 11

gif by: @hotch-girl <3

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader (Sean Hotchner x Fem!Reader)

Series summary: Your relationship with your boyfriend, Sean, is going great. Well, that is until you meet his older brother, Aaron.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

i am back!!!! <3333 we're getting close to the end my besties <3 if you missed the previous chapter, i'm sorry i didn't tag anyone! but now my blog is fixed and everything is back to normal!!

i think i’ll only write one or two more chapters on this story and we’re done 🫶🏻

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“She’s gonna be alright.” Those were the words Aaron had said to him after getting you back. Sean was holding onto those words like his life depended on it.

“Thank you for reaching out to me for help, even after everything we’ve done to you,” his brother had said. “It means more to me than you know.”

“I would never put my pride above her safety.”

“I’m really proud of you for that.” That statement should have not made his chest swell the way it had. Seeking validation from his older brother seemed like a trap he still fell into; even after being betrayed by his own blood.

“I don’t know if you’ll ever find it in you to forgive me, but I don’t want to lose you.” Sean remembered the way Aaron’s voice had broken after saying those words. “Just know that you’ll always be my family and I’ll always be by your side if you need anything. You can still hate me, I don’t mind, as long as you know I’m always here if you need help.”

“I know.”

“Hot chocolate is ready!” A bubbly voice snapped him out of the memory of that phone call.

“How can you be this energetic at 4 in the morning?” he groaned, taking the cup of hot chocolate from Penelope’s hands.

“Well, my job doesn’t really have a schedule. So I’ve been trained to be alert at any time of the day. Or night.” She smirked.

Penelope had insisted on staying with him after hearing the news that you were safe. Sean couldn’t even imagine how awful he must have looked for a stranger to make an offer like this. But he was glad she did. That woman was full of warmness and light; things that had been missing from his life.

He had only managed to bring the mug on his lips, when he heard his phone ring. It was you.

“Hey,” he said, breathless.

“Hi, Sean.” Your voice was weak, tired; he could tell. But you were alive and that was all that mattered.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. I slept, I showered, and now I’m having something to eat.”

It stung that it was Aaron who had probably cooked for you; that it was Aaron’s embrace you had found comfort in that night. It was all clear to him now. Sean was the reason you had been kidnapped. Aaron was your knight in shining armor who had come to your rescue.

It would never be Sean again for you. It would always be Aaron.

“God, I’m so sorry,” he cried. “I don’t know what to say. I feel like the bigg-”

“Don’t you dare apologize for this,” you interrupted him. “How could you have known?”

Sean wasn’t able to reply, his sobs choking him, preventing his voice from coming out.

Penelope was quick to sit next to him and take his hand in hers. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“Sean, do you think we could meet at some point? And just talk? I think we both need it.”

You were right. “Yes, we do. I’ll text you when I can.”

“Thank you,” you said.

There was an awkward pause. The times you were giggling on the phone asking him to hang up first were long gone.

“Um…try to get some sleep, please,” you spoke again. “I’ll be doing the same.”

“Okay, Y/N. Good night.”

“Good night.”

A kiss on the forehead by Aaron calmed your beating heart down. “I’m proud of you.”

“I can’t tell whether he hates me or not,” you admitted, letting your phone drop on the couch next to you. “Last time we talked it felt like he didn’t wanna see me again. And now it’s…”

“It’s all very complicated,” he said, leaving another kiss on the side of your head. “He’s hurt, but he still loves you. And now he feels guilty on top of everything.”

“I don’t want him to forgive me because he feels guilty.”

“We need to give him time, my love. Let him reach out to you when he’s ready. He needs to process his emotions first,” Aaron said. “We all do.”

“Thanks for the input, Oprah.”

“Ah…” he said, throwing his head back. “I missed that nickname.”

You laughed and kissed his cheek with all the love in the world.

Brining your attention back to the soup you had left, you brought up a little detail from the phone call you just had.

“As I was talking with Sean…” you started, “I swear I heard Penelope’s voice at some point.”

“Penelope as in…”

“As in Penelope Garcia.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I guess she stayed there for moral support?”

“Can she even do that?” you wondered.

“Well, your case wasn’t official so I guess she can,” he argued.

“Hmm…interesting.”

At least you were gonna sleep easier now, knowing that Sean wasn’t all by himself.

“Shh…Try not to wake her, okay buddy?”

“Okay.”

After a sleep full of nightmares that you were back in that basement, being woken up by the whispers of your favorite people was a blessing; even if they managed to do the exact opposite of what they had just said.

You opened your eyes slightly, being met with a little Jack climbing up the bed.

“Daddy, I woke her up,” he said, turning to face his dad with a guilty face.

“It’s okay, my angel. Come here,” you said, softly, opening your embrace for him.

Jack was soon in your arms, and to the sight of Aaron smiling at the two of you, you fell back asleep.

This time, without bad dreams.

My family: those two words were on your mind the entire day you spent with them.

Normally, you would be irritated if the people around you acted as if you were going to break at any point, but how could you be mad when those people were Aaron and his son?

Aaron told Jack you were a little sick and that was all it took for him to act as overprotective of you as his dad did. They didn’t let you lift a finger, and somehow, this treatment felt comforting. You felt loved and cared for. You were important to them.

“Need some tea, maybe?” Aaron asked, as you rested your head on his shoulder. Jack was playing in his room, finally giving you some time alone.

“All I need right now is my man to hold me.”

“Okay. I’m sorry if I’m being too much.”

“Don’t be sorry,” you said, placing your palm on his chest. “Thank you for taking care of me.

“I would lose my mind if something happened to you,” he admitted. “I don’t even wanna think about it.”

“Then don’t,” you replied, kissing his jaw. “It’s over now.”

“It is,” he said softly, his nose brushing against yours. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

You cupped his cheek and brought his face close to you, giving him a deep kiss. “My love…”

“Y/N, look what I made!” Jack’s excited voice made you break your kiss abruptly, but not fast enough for him not to see what was happening. To Jack, you were still his aunt – not his dad’s girlfriend.

Embarrassment and surprise were written all over his face as he stared at you, before running back to his room.

“I’ll talk to him,” you told Aaron before he even had the chance to speak.

You knocked on Jack’s door and entered his room after hearing his soft, “Come in.”

Jack was sitting cross-legged on the carpet, a superhero figure occupying his hands.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Why were you and daddy kissing?” he asked, staring at the toy on his lap.

“Honey, uncle Sean and I are not together anymore,” you said, taking a seat next to him.

“You don’t love him anymore?”

“I love him, but not the way I love your dad,” you answered honestly. He was a kid, but you weren’t going to hide the truth from him. Children understood everything anyway.

“You love my dad?”

“Very much.”

“And does he love you too?” Jack finally looked at you.

“He does.”

“So now you’re my dad’s girlfriend?” His tone was curious, not judgmental like you feared.

“Yes, my angel,” you said.

“Isn’t uncle Sean mad at you?”

His question hurt, as innocent as it was.

“He is. And we deserve that.”

“I’d be mad too.”

Thanks, Jack, you thought.

“Max is my best friend,” he said after a small pause.

“Okay…” you said, uncertain where he was going with this.

“But after Christmas break, when we went back to school, he only played with Alex, and not me anymore. And it made me really sad and angry. But then…then…they said they were sorry and we started playing all together. And now we’re all friends.”

You furrowed your brows - trying to ignore your protective instincts that wanted you to fight two children named Max and Alex – and focused on the moral message of his story.

Yes, the three of you would never be best friends. But Sean deserved an apology. The one you hadn’t given him the day you broke up, because you thought it was worthless. An apology wouldn’t fix anything, but Sean deserved to hear it anyway.

Jack interrupted your thoughts by moving closer to you. “I know that uncle Sean is mad, but I’m happy you’ll be here with us a lot. I love you.”

That kid had the ability to melt your heart like butter. “I love you too, buddy.” You leaned in to give him a hug.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered against your shoulder.

“Of course.”

“I kept wishing you were my mom and not my aunt. And I think that my wish came true and that’s why daddy fell in love with you.”

You squeezed him even tighter.

Part 12

ivy tag list: @preciousbabypeter @buckysmainhxe @galaxyofmyown @ssamorganhotchner @romanogersendgame @elhotchner @louderfortheback @northschild @iammirrorball @rousethemouse @kishie8 @save-the-sky @ssacharcoalgrey @realdirectionx @itsmytimetoodream @art-and-thoughts @red-red-rogue @dellalyra @feetgypsy @stella95827 @katieslotherford @jazzymariexoxoc @quietlyignoringyou @justarandommom @sebastiansstanswhore @lelifesaver @aaron-hotchners-girlfriend @whyamihere96 @sylvieofasgard @redbleedingrose @222brooke @xoprincessmel @girlintheredscarf @radical-gecko @yeehawbitchs @jazzerbelle14 @jayxox @adrienette715 @fudosl @sardonic-courtney @emlynblack @kizzywh @formulapierre @crocodilefeet2707 @mojo366 @spicysimpura @twelfthnightorwhatyouwill1998 @mrs-ssa-hotch @clairedragonessbaker @n0t-yours-you-w1sh @tipsyteenstoday @potatoesonacouch @the-fantasy-loving-angel @my-beel @lex13cm @chibsytelford @crimsonincursive

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #sean hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #ivy

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supercriminalbean · 1 year

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NO SECRETS WITHOUT LIES

A/N: Okay guys here it is, chapter one of my Aaron Hotchner x Reader series. Reader is gender neutral, uses they/them pronouns but is AFAB. This series is going to contain spoilers from season 6&7. This is going to be based around Emily death, and how Reader and Hotch become close due to her death and soon start a Dom/sub relationship. But what’s going to happen when Emily returns, how is Hotch and Reader going to get through it all.

This is series is most likely going to be at least 15 chapters at this point. nothing happens between Aaron and reader until chapter 5 I believe. I will be posting one chapter ever 7 to 10 days, depending on how much works takes up my life and if I have time to edit and write a new chapter thank you.

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: Death. Depression. Death. Fake death. Drug addiction. Drugs. Crying. Emotions. Swearing. (If I have missing anything let me know)

Chapter one:

Grieving.

It's been four months. Four months without hearing her voice. Four months since you felt her touch. Four months now that she has left you, all alone in this world. Having to continue life all by yourself, without her holding your hand, anymore. Four months ago her body was lowered into the ground, and no one has been the same since.

~~~

Every Morning since Emily's death, you grab a cup of coffee and stop at her grave on the way to work. Making sure that even in death, you always have time for her, not wanting her to be all alone. For the first few weeks it helped you grieve, and then it just became a part of your routine. Her grave became a safe place to go, a place where you can just stop for some peace and quiet. An area to go so you can clear your mind, one that has no distractions within. Emily was your best friend for so many years, you had joined the team a couple months after her. She was so happy to no longer be the newbie, which also meant she understood exactly how you felt. She took you under her wing, showing you everything you needed to know about working in the Bau. You grew even closer with Emily when you two realised you lived in the same apartment building. Arriving to work together and some days you would even crash at each other's places, after having a bit too much to drink. Morgan used to joke that you two were actually dating. You two would always just laugh at him, but he was on the right track. Emily Prentiss is your platonic soulmate, and now you have no one.

~~~

The first 10 weeks after her death. When you went home from work, you would have possibly a couple hours to yourself. Before someone would text you asking for company, normally it would be Reid or Garcia. They needed someone to be there while they grieved for their best friend. It took Morgan awhile before he reached out to you for help, you always had to keep reminding him you were there if he needed to talk. You never told anyone it was because you liked to be distracted from your own pain, because they already knew that. Most nights when Reid texted you it was because he was terrified he would go out and buy Dilaudid. You would go over to his place and stay with him until the morning. Other nights you would get a phone call from Garcia or Morgan saying they were having a nightmare and needed someone. You would go over to see them whenever they needed you, it never matters what time or whatever the reason was.

~~~

On the weekend, if there was no case, you were normally helping Morgan with renovations for one of his houses. Other times you were having a movie marathon with Reid or Garcia, sometimes both. You hated the idea of them being alone for long times, knowing where their minds can go.

The last couple of weeks, no one seemed to be reaching out. They all seem to be healing without you, and now you’re left alone with nothing but your own thoughts. That's when you started realising a few things about Emily's death, that never seemed to make sense. You first noticed it at the hospital, after JJ had just broken the news to everyone. Hotch didn't seem surprised, he just looked, emptied. At first you thought it was his way of taking in the news. Reid was crying in JJ arms, but when she pulled away, you saw her and Hotch walking into a room alone. You never thought anything of it at first, your heart having just been crushed. Feeling as if the tears were never going to stop, like your heart could never be whole again. Rossi was holding you closely as you broke apart in his arms, you knew he was crying as well, but he was trying his hardest to be strong for you. There have now been a few times since then, that you have noticed looks between Hotch and JJ. Even catching them whispering together, it always seemed tense and sective. Feeling as if they are hiding something, especially JJ. She was only around for a week after Emily died and then she was away all the time. She tried to say it was for work, but the first time she left, it felt like she was hiding something. A couple weeks ago, during a case the unsub we were hunting had faked his death. When Reid had announced it to the team, Hotch only seemed to tenses up a lot. It took you a week after that to put it all together.

Emily Prentiss is alive, and JJ and Hotch knows.

~~~

The team has just gotten back from a difficult long case. Still down a profiler and Hotch and Garcia trying their best to cover the communications liaison position together. Once the team is finally able to go home. You manage to have a shower, before your phone starts ringing. Only picking it up after seeing its Reid.

“Hey Spence, is everything okay?” Answering the phone quickly.

“(Y/n)” Spencer's cry seeps through the phone. Panic suddenly floods through your body, knowing this isn't like him, something’s wrong.

“Reid, are you okay, where are you?” Gulping thickly as you fear for his answer.

“Home.. I bought, I bought Dilaudid” His voice cuts into your heart, hearing as he stutters through his tears.

“Have you taken it?” Jumping to your feet as you grab your keys.

“No.. but I want to please help me” His words are close to making you break, wishing you could just take away his pain.

“Okay I'm on my way I'll be there in 10 minutes alright, just hold on okay?” Begging him as you pull on your shoes.

“Okay” Is all you hear as the line goes dead. Running out the door fast, forgetting to even lock your apartment.

~~~

You manage to get to his place in under 5 minutes, breaking every road code there is. Running into his apartment building and climbing the stairs two at a time. Fiddling with the key he gave you a couple months ago, trying to unlock his door as quickly as you can. Rushing into his apartment, you could hear his heavy shaking breathing coming from the bathroom. You slow yourself down, taking a calm breath before approaching, not wanting to startle him.

“Spencer, I'm here” Calling out to him as you walk towards the bathroom. Spotting him on the ground leaning against the sink. A small bottle of dilaudid beside him, a package of needles thrown across the room. You reach him, getting down on your knees in front of him. His arms covering his face, his body shaking as he cries. The noises he makes pierce sharply into your heart. He doesn't deserve to be in this pain.

“Hey.. Spence I'm here, I'm right here” Your whisper is full of care and concern. Gently you move his arms out of his face, letting them rest down by his side. Now you're able to see his face, that's pale and stained with tears. Looking completely broken and lost, as he tries to look at you.

“Im sorry, Im so weak Im sorry” He cries out, you pull him into your arms, holding him firmly against you.

“It's okay, I got you spence, you're safe now, I'm here I got you” you whisper softly, as he cries on your shoulder. Rubbing his back comfortingly repeating those words as he calms down.

~~~

Reid slowly calms down, listening to your heart beat. His eyes closed, feeling safe in your arms. Gradually he pulls away, looking up at you, noticing the worry and concern in your eyes.

“I'm sorry (Y/n) I don't want you to see me like this” His voice breaking, sounding raw due to the crying.

“Spencer, I want you to reach out to me when you're like this okay, I’m here so I can help you okay? I'm never going to stop caring for you, okay?” Trying to keep your tone, calm and light, not needing to overwhelm him. You felt so terrified at that moment that he was going to take the drugs before you could get there. Scared that at any moment he could stop reaching out when he really needs you.

“I want to get better, I just don't know how” The hopelessness in his voice cuts straight to your heart. You wish you could tell him the truth about Emily, but you can’t, not yet. Not until you could get Hotch to confirm it. You can not risk getting his hopes up just to get crushed again.

“Let's get you some help, maybe it's time you go back to your AA meetings, I can come with you if you like”

“You're right, I'll start back next week” He sending you a weak, but meaningful smile. You stand up, offering out a hand to help pull him up to his feet.

“Why don't you clean yourself up, and I'll make us some dinner, then we can watch Doctor Who, yeah?” Smiling softly, watching him carefully as he nods walking out, towards his room. You grab the needles and the bottle of dilaudid, shoving them into the bottom of your handbag before heading to the kitchen.

~~~

Reid has a long shower, as you pull out a frozen pizza, placing it in the oven. You've been at his place a lot in the last few months and you know where everything is in his apartment. You're sitting on the couch, with the pizza, getting ready to push play for Doctor Who. As Reid walks out in his pyjamas, sitting down beside you looking more relaxed, more like himself. He takes a piece of pizza as he settles down, stealing the remote from you. Laughing as he puts his favourite episode on.

“Good pizza” He manages to get out, though his mouth is full.

“That's gross Spencer dont eat with your mouthful” Laughing, shaking your head, at his changes of moods. He turns around to face you chewing with his mouth open grinning, knowing it annoys you. Rolling your eyes at him smacking his arm playfully. He settles down as the episode starts playing. You manage to get two episodes in when you start falling asleep during the last part of the episode. When It ends he turns it off, bringing you a pillow and pulling a blanket over you. As you fall asleep,last thing you hear is

“Thank you (Y/N), I couldn't make it without you”

~~~

You could barely get any sleep that night, waking up every half an hour. Having decided to give up on the idea of more sleep, as you watch the sunrise. Your mind seems to be running with the idea of Emily still being alive and how today, you’re going to demand Hotch gives you the truth. After last night, you need to know the truth, then you will be able to tell Reid. The way he is going is terrifying and the idea of losing another friend is something you're not able to take anymore. Grabbing your bag quietly as you walk out, not wanting to disturb Spencer as he needs his rest. Getting into your car, with the intent to get coffee before going to visit the empty gravesite of Emily Prentist. Needing a safe place where you can think clearly about what you're going to do. You really want to just strom into Hotch’s apartment and scream at him. But you know you can't do that, needing to be calm and think logically, especially if Jack is there. As you're driving to the coffee shop, there's some road work, making you get redirected. Sighing frustratedly as you're forced to take the long way. Driving down the road when you notice you're about to drive past Hotch’s apartment building.

“For fuck sake!” Screaming loudly as you slam your foot on the brake, hand pressing hard on the horn. Due to the fact a car had just pulled out in front of you cutting you completely off. The anger in your body has just tripled, as you pull into that car park. Slamming the car door behind you as you storm your way up to Hotch's apartment. Feeling the anger flowing freely through your veins, trying to take deep breaths to control the anger. Surprisingly, it doesn’t do anything to help.

~~~

Your hand bangs loudly against his door, your mind thundering with anger as you wait for him to answer. You weren’t going to leave here without the truth, no matter what happens.

Standing there for a few moments tapping your foot hoping it will calm you down as you run out of patients. Lifting your hand about to knock again, only to have to lower it when you hear the door starting to unlock. Huffing angrily as Hotch finally opens the door, looking at you in surprise and concerned.

“(Y/L) it's 6:30 what are you doing here?” Hotch voice full of concern, stepping back to let you in.

“I am so angry, Hotch, I am so pissed off at you, you think you could do this to us?” You take a deep breath. Trying to keep your voice steady, but it raises with every word as you walk in. Hotch narrows his eyes, closing the door.

“What are you talking about (Y/L)”

“Seriously Hotch, you didn't think I would figure it out, the secret you and JJ have!” Snapping at him, your arms flying outwards. Hotch tenses up, his face hardens.

“Secret, we don't have any secrets (Y/N)”

The anger in your body is fighting hard to take over. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath to steady yourself.

“I am trying my hardest to keep calm right now Hotchner, only because Jack doesn't need to hear me screaming at you”

~~~

Your hand reaching up into your hair, running through it. Taking another deep breath, trying your best to control your temper.

“Jacks at Jessicas, but I would prefer you don't accuse me or JJ about anything” His tone coming out harsh, which earns a loud scoff from you.

“Bullshit, If you didn't have a secret you would want to know what the secret is, I'm a profiler Hotchner, and I'm a pretty fucking good one, so don't you dare try to say I'm wrong” Yelling at him, not meaning to allow your emotions to take over so soon. Hotch crosses his arms, glaring at you.

“I do not know why you're so upset, Yes we have a secret, but it's not that bad” His words fall effortlessly from his lips, making you laugh hysterically.

“Not that bad? Not that fucking bad?! How the hell is Emily alive not a big fucking deal!?” Screaming at him, your hands squeezing into fist. His face softens looking at you, his eyes filling with concern and worry and you feel like you can pick up a little guilt hidden away.

“(Y/N).. I didn't.. I didn’t realise that you were struggling this badly” His voice softened, his reaction throwing you off.

~~~

“Excuse me? I just told you I know you faked her death, you and JJ did, and you're going to try to tell me I'm struggling seriously?” Your voice lowering, looking at him in disbelief.

“I know it hard to move on but”

“Don't you dare try to turn this onto me Hotchner, I know the truth” Your confidence starting to waver, trying hard to keep the doubtful thoughts at bay.

“(Y/N), Emily's Dead” The way he says it, the pure worry and concern, the sadness filling his tone. Was almost enough to crush all the confidence you have left. Shaking your head trying to clear your thoughts.

~~~

“No no, she's alive. I know she is, otherwise what secret are you and JJ hiding, you did admit you have one” Your voice is loud, trying to stay feisty, but honestly you're just sounding broken.

“I'm trying to convince JJ to come back to the team as a profiler, we didn't want the team to know until it can happen” His tone is soft, his body language telling you that it's the truth.

“I've been trying to get her back since Emily's death. It's taken a lot of convincing, but it's looking like it could happen.”

Allowing that information to set in, your body starts shaking lightly, tears springing to your eyes.

“But what.. But at the hospital you and JJ went into another room to talk” Taking a deep breath, trying to watch his body language closely, through the tears.

“We were discussing how we would inform her family, JJ is better with families, but I am the unit chief, we decided we would do it together.” His words breaking all hope that you have left.

~~~

Tears rolling down your face, your legs shaking giving out underneath you, your body crumbling to the floor. Feeling arms grabbing you, helping to lower you to the ground, as you let out a painful sob. Hotch pulls you into his arms, holding you closely as you cry. He strokes your hair gently, as he whispers comforting words, letting you fall apart in his arms.

Guilt filling him as he had to lie to you once more, having to lie to his team everyday when he sees them struggling. He was wondering when you were going to break, he has been noticing that you haven't been allowing yourself to grieve. You have been distracting yourself with work, or with helping the team, asking for more paperwork to complete. Even offered him parenting advice, so you could lessen the stress on him and therefore on the team. He hated the way you had stopped caring for yourself, he barely saw you do any of your passions anymore. Normally you would have a different book with you every case, and most weeks you would bring in some baking, with new recipes you had discovered. You hadn't done any of that for over four months. Everyone had changed, and he hated watching his team in pain.

~~~

You laid in Hotch’s arms for a long time, even after the tears had dried. Feeling completely destroyed and numb. Having gotten your hopes up that it would be possible to see her again, that's all you want in life. Slowly pulling yourself away from his arms, taking a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry Aaron, you didn't need me to do that” Your voice croaky from the crying, your body still shaking faintly.

“It's okay, (Y/N) I told you I'm here when you need to talk” His tone is soft and judgement free. “Why don’t I make us some coffee, and we can talk?”

“No I’ve taken enough of your time, I should go” Standing slowly, Hotch does the same watching you, his hand staying softly on your arm.

“No, please stay, we need to talk about a few things” You can't meet his eyes, knowing as he's the team leader. He has to report when there could be an issue with someone. Giving him a small nod, he walks over to the kitchen, turning the coffee pot on. You head over to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

~~~

Walking back out after cleaning yourself up, you see Hotch sitting on the couch, cups of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting down beside him picking up your cup, smiling weakly, avoiding his stare.

“Thanks Hotch” Taking a sip of coffee, relaxing into the softness of the couch.

“No problem, you know we need to talk about what you accuse me of right?” He smiles sadly, looking at you concern. He needs to know how you found out, how he can make sure no one else will be able to figure it out.

“Do we have to?” Letting out a tired sigh as you drink more.

“We do, (Y/n) I need to know why you thought Emily was alive, it's unhealthy to think that way” His tone stays calm and soft as he speaks. His voice has always been a comfort for you, not long after you joined the team. Hearing his voice seems to just melt the stress away. Closing your eyes as you try to think about how to answer that. The hope that you had about her being alive is now long gone, and inside all you feel is a big black hole.

“I know that, but it made sense, somethings just didn’t add up and so I guess my brain, put this idea in my brain to cope and I wanted it to be true so my brain made the rest up to help I guess” Sighing, putting the cup down.

“You need to take some time off, I don't want you coming back for a week, you need to grieve”

Your eyes widen, shooting up at him. “No way, Hotch I can't take time off, It will just make things worse please, I need to be working”

“No you don't, you need time to accept it, you know there's five stages of grief, you're still struggling with accepting what happened.” Hotch face harding back up. You always call that his work face, hiding his emotions, putting his professional face on.

“No Hotch, I know what happened, I just had a bad moment okay, I can not take time off, we are already short with profilers, and Reid needs me this week please, he is struggling.”

~~~

Hotch sighs, straightening up, looking back at you.

“(Y/n), you aren't any good to us, if you don't look after yourself, You are an important part of this team but, recently your skills haven’t been as good as they used to be. You need time” Hotch lies, you have been working greatly recently, your skills have been on point. But he needed something to get you to take some time off.

Your hand sliding up, playing with your hair as you start doing some slow breathing technique.

“I know I haven't been myself lately, but please, It's not wise for me to not be without the team.” Your eyes begged for him to let you stay. Hotch’s eyes narrow watching you closely, he raises an eyebrow slightly.

“Something happened with Reid last night, didn't it?”

“Don't profile me Aaron” Groaning slightly. “Yeah alright it did, but he's going to be fine, he just needs me this week Hotch and I need to be working please”

Aarons face filling with concern, his lips tightening into a thin line, the question he wants to ask, written across his face. Shaking your head lightly at his unasked question.

“He was close last night, he rung me for help, I can't leave him when he's too close to the edge”

“He has the whole team’s support, this isn't just on you” Tilting his head to the side slightly, he wanted to tell everyone the truth but he knew he couldn't.

“Your right, but last time, I was the one who pulled him out of the hole, I know you all wanted to help, but it risked your job, I was new I was able to help, I'm the only one he trust enough when it comes to this, and you know that Hotch”

He picks up his coffee looking away from you, thinking deeply about this situation.

~~~

“(Y/n), You are always there for the team, but who do you talk to when things get hard?” Hotch turns his body back to look at you, studying your body langues.

“I have the team” You answer him quickly, tensing up. You don’t open up easily, it's something you have always struggled with.

“Yes you do, but you don't open up to us”

“I do,” Crossing your arms, feeling exposed. “You're the one who doesnt open up Hotch” He scoffs lightly at your words, raising an eyebrow.

“I talk to Dave, don't try and turn this on me, you know that taticed doesn't work on me” He smirks softly, watching as you roll your eyes up at him.

“Fine Hotch, I don't open up to anyone, the last person I did is now dead, so I'm sorry if I got issues.” You huff at him, rolling your shoulders back feeling uncomfortable.

“I'll make you a deal (Y/L)” Smiling at you slightly, acting if he's already won this discussion.

“Oh and what's that?”

“I won't make you take time off, I won't report you which would make you go more often to therapy, but only If you agree to my terms”

Groaning quietly, knowing that, this is not going to be fun. “And what are your rules Hotchner”

“Everyweek, you spend one night talking to me about anything.” Rolling your eyes at his words, sipping on your coffee.

“Seriously, that's not fair” Huffing annoyed, placing your coffee down a little too hard.

“You also have to tell me when you have a bad day, and my rules start now, or you take two weeks off and start therapy on monday”

Staring at him angrily, knowing if you want to help Reid, you would have to agree to his stupid terms.

“Fine, you win.”

~~~

When Hotch gets up to get more coffee, your phone rings. That's when you notice it's now 10am, shocking you with how much time has gone by. Answer your phone when you see its Reid.

“Hey Spence” Forcing your voice to be filled with calm and fake happiness.

“Hey, where you go, you left early” Reid's voice fills the silence, sounding refreshed and relaxed.

“Oh yeah sorry, I was going to wait for you to wake up but I had a few things I wanted to deal with this morning” Explaining hastily, knowing that's not the full truth.

“Oh alright, well Morgan trying to organise drinks tonight, you in?” Smiling softly at the idea.

“I'm in, wait one second Reid, I'll ask Hotch” Pulling the phone from your ear, turning to Hotch who's already watching you. “Team drinks tonight, you in?”

“Not tonight, Jack will be home” He gives you a small smile. Nodding at him, understandingly bringing the phone back to your ear.

“I'm in, but Hotch is busy tonight.”

“Why are you with Hotch?” Reid asks, confused.

“Work stuff, had something I wanted to run by him” The lie comes out instantly, avoiding Hotch’s stare.

“Oh okay, well 8pm, want me to pick you up?”

“Would love that, thanks Reid” Smiling lightly, placing your phone down.

“Really, lying to him?” Hotch smirks lightly. As if his point from earlier was just proven, which just earns him another eye roll.

“You really like rolling those eyes at me huh?” His chuckle deepens, slightly .

“You're not special Hotch, a lot of guys can get me to roll my eyes.'' Smirking at him, cheekily.

Taglist: @lalalove-56 @ssamorganhotchner @montyfandomlove @lilozg-123 @hola-you-blog @lmg-stilinski24 @yourdryadwife

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#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #no secrets without lies #aaron hotchner x gender netural reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x gn reader #aaron hotchner fic #emily prentiss fake death #bau x reader #spencer reid x reader

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absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week In BL - GMMTV Holds the Line

Feb 2023 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

When they say “famous last words” this is what they mean.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - They are so stinkn’ CUTE as bfs. Possibly the cutest. I chuckle a lot with this show. And that’s great, very serotonin inducing. Also 2nd half had good soapy drama tension with the music competition + the mom’s surgery at the SAME TIME (gasp). Can’t wait for next week.

Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1-2 of 8 - Oh it’s great. Messy gays struggling with both internal and external conflict. It has a Taiwanese gritty queer authenticity to it. EarthMix are perfect for these roles. Khaotung is the most adorable thing ever. And GeminiFourth are fun to see as new characters. Fourth is showing off his acting chops, the way he holds his jaw and mouth for this more sullen complicated part - it’s completely different from Gun. His acting style reminds me of Nanon a bit, he’s very nuanced in his facial expressions.

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 9 of 12 - 15 minutes of cute bf and dumb tattoos and then SUFFER! I love how quickly Palm put to rest your bog standard gay boy fantasies about a bisexual’s options. Palm was basically: “All the things that you dream for me with a woman, I can do that with you.” Honestly? I wasn’t that moved by the noble sacrifice of this episode. It was fine. More peril please. Looking forward to things going very very badly for the next couple of episodes. Bring on the pain GMMTV.

Hit Bite Love (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 6 - Baby Dom is quite the kink dilettante, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kinkster with more varied tastes. Maybe baby just hasn’t found his true fetish yet? I feel for poor Shogun who just wants a boyfriend who treats him decently and ends up with Mr. Experimental. The humorous outcome is, of course, predictable. Not wild about the stepbrothers storyline (despite my taboo preferences). Really? I just want more King and Burger.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) ep 11fin - With the exception of Mum, every character suddenly started acting totally OUT of character. Anygay, Mum comes back to find Dew single and all obstacles to their romance magically cleared. The pub staff setting them up was cute. But all in all it felt like we were suddenly in a completely different show. Series review below.

I cannot believe we have 3 BL’s airing AT THE SAME TIME from GMMTV. It’s insane. I remember when it was exciting because we had 3 BLs airing at the same time at all.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 7 of 10 (or 13&14 of 20) - It’s an office romance BL, so I like that office politics is complicating matters for both of our couples. I personally don’t believe in scions (with very few exceptions, we know it tends to be bad for a corporation, and that has certainly been my experience). Still, it’s suitably traumatic to see our couples in angst over the power transition. The confession scene for the leads was very sweet. And a nice kiss. And cute bf. Taiwan always just does these beats better than anyone else.

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 8 fin - K needed to realize O is a big boy. Yes we get it. Bummer he couldn’t figure out that for himself and had to be told by somebody else. I do feel sorry for the bartender character who keeps having to deal with all of these gay boys and their inability to communicate and resulting overdramatic depression. Meanwhile O needed to realize K needs him. And they both needed to learn to communicate, these… journalists. Good kiss and decent sex scenes for a JBL, with an HEA. Careful Japan we may start to develop expectations. I bumped up my rating on the strength of this finale. It was good! Series review below.

Individual Circumstances (Thurs Viki) 7-8fin - I like the resolution and explanation for the conflict, a lot more than I liked the conflict itself. The kiss wasn’t awesome, but it wasn’t entirely dead fish either. However, Korea has proved that it can do better, so I was annoyed by it. Also, no shirtless scene this time around, we were robbed. Series review below.

The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu (Japan Sun Gaga ep 2 of 8 - This is way too high heat for them to end it happily. It’s all v weird. I guess I’ll keep watching? Even if everyone dies, this one is not gonna ruin me the way Eternal Yesterday almost did.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching it

My Beautiful Man S2 (Viki & Gaga) - Because there are only 4 episodes, I decided to wait and binge this one. What can I say? I just do not trust Japan. Sorry I’m too scared, those of you braver than I must watch first - I salute you and look forward to the gifs.

Egoist (Japan) cinema - Japanese movies are notoriously difficult to get ahold of.

Marry My Dead Body AKA Ghost and I Becoming Family (Taiwan) - movie about a police officer forced to marry a ghost.

Cafe in Love - Can’t find it

Finished this week

609 Bedtime Story

An interesting time slip concept and a great set up ultimately disappointed. It opened strong, on one of my favorite under appreciated Thai actors: Plustor (as Vee) in a side bartender romance with younger bisexual king, Games. Unfortunately, it went downhill from there. OhmFluke’s solid chemistry and romantically soft kisses were ill served by a reformed rake meets rich-kid cheater pairing. While it was nice to see Ohm play a part with more animated facial expressions, his was the only character that remained consistent. All in all, this was a confusing show about disloyalty and parallel worlds that never made sense or stayed true to its characters. A promising start, confusing middle, and disappointing end. I don’t say this lightly, but Oh My Sunshine Night is better, and OhmFuke deserve better than either. 6/10

Individual Circumstances

A second chance romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past hurt. Stars JunQ (main rapper of MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner). Reunion romances are not my thing but I liked the bratty director despite his stalking (and prob because of his naked chest). Using a guitar to torture someone is entirely appropriate, in my book/BL world it happens all too often. I did want to know what happened in the past but the mystery got drawn out too much and the tsundere character became frustratingly mean spirited as a result. I like the resolution and explanation for the conflict a lot more than I liked the conflict itself. I could tell what this show wanted to be, and what it could’ve been, but it simply never got there. In the end, like a host of other KBLs over the last couple of years, it is serviceable but eminently forgettable. 7/10

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox

Innocent but talented gay tabloid journalist partners (and falls in love with) a jaded player bisexual cameraman. This is a solid JBL of the more emo, cringe, and navel gazing variety that never really resonates with me. The main pairs’ chemistry felt weak and their characters were pat (for live action yaoi, I’ve seen or read this couple a million times). Bringing Izuka Kenta in to guest star was a stroke of genius and also challenging, because he has a complex history with JBL which I could not forget as I watched him EAT up the screen so hard he made the leads feel insipid. There were a lot of aspects of this show that felt more KBL than JBL. I missed the kinky edgy pushing boundaries we usually get from Japanese office romances. It did have a stellar ending (featuring a decent kiss and 2 nice sex scenes, you go Japan) but for me CCP was fine, just no more than fine. 8/10

Look you know how I feel about JBL, when it’s good it’s some of my absolute favorite (Seven Days, Old Fashion Cupcake, Minato’s Laundromat, Takara & Amagi), nothing else whips me into wit and eloquence and film crit like it, but when it’s off, for me, it’s really off. And Ameiro never gelled with me. It was too much work to watch. I don’t like chewy BL - nourishing and necessary though it may be for others.

Gossip

Issues and Controversies of Thai BL Actors - I get asked about these a lot, so I’m just gonna point you all at this YT henceforth.

Viki picked up Boys Planet so I’m watching it. I have FEELS but I’m not going to ruin a perfectly decent BL blog with Kpop reality TV, no matter how pretty. Just know I’m over here suffering for 4 hours every week. SUFFERING. Some of the singing during the first ep alone was SO BAD it put Thai BL boyfriends to shame. I am so glad they got 3 vocal coaches in this show. People better vote with their goddamn ears and not just (as they did with iLand) much lower down. (Oo, I’m salty already.)

In Case You Missed It

Feb releases list is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments some are inaccurate, NOT UPDATED)

Next Week Looks Like This:

I am so spoiled these days, now I’m upset there isn’t a good KBL airing right now. Do you remember when we barely got one or two a year? What a demanding monster 2022 turned me into. Anygay, 4 more Thai BL starting this week...

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV ) 1 of ? - Feb 14 we think, MDL is janky on this one. Engineering student Songkram is head of dorm 3, for "strong & athletic" students. Aye is head of dorm 2, for the "good looking" students. Aye used to be Songkram's tutor and friend, but they fell apart after becoming dorm heads. Aye is actually in love with Songkram but thinks Sonkram likes someone else. Songkram actually likes Aye. So, Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets that weird Japanese “girls-crossdressing-as-boys for love and infiltrating secret society of hotness” tradition.

Boyband (Thurs YT) 1 of 10 - Feb 16, it’s on the tin, BL drama about putting an idol boyband together. AKA how to make ABL suffer by combing favorite (celebrity romances, Kpop) and least favorite (bad singing) tropes.

Bed Friend (Sat YT & iQIYI uncut) 1 of 8 - Feb 18, but we’re looking for the rerun/uncut, so not sure on drop date for those. Fuck buddies get messy, AKA Between Us the second cuming, this time in an office (and on a desk). I have been waiting for James to hold down (or be held down in) a BL for years! Watch out, new kings of high heat are heading our way.

Chains of Heart (Sat Gaga) 1 of 10 - Feb 18 Suspense thriller about a forest ranger, smugglers, memory loss, and lost love. Stars Haii (Cirrus in TT2) and Poppy (Porpla in YYY). Adapted from a Y-novel of the same name by TJ Tommy.

Supposedly, but I’ve no idea where to watch it:

Jack Frost (Japan) - Feb 17 After saying goodbye to his friend, Ritsu had an accident and lost his memory. His roommate, Ikuya, struggles to rebuild their relationship and help him regain his memories. In the process, Ritsu falls in love with Ikuya, but he was unaware that they were already in a relationship.

Moments Of Love (Thai) Feb 14 Foremorfilm Production movie for cinema release. Was originally Golf (Director of 609 Bedtime Story & The Eclipse) to direct stars SmartJames (LeonPhob from Don't Say No) in a series. Is now something totally different and a movie. We are all confused.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Open boys are the best boys. Never Let Me Go

Moonlight Chicken with ALL the zingers, plus verse characters. Thank you GMMTV!

Why so cute indeed. My School President

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Villain by Key (Shinee) just on hard rotation. It’s great.

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shortpplfedup · 1 year

Text

My School President Episode 10: The real Hot Wave was the friends we made along the way

The Hot Wave final is finally here, but in a strange way the outcome doesn't even matter anymore. That's why they ended the episode without telling us who won, because win or lose, what ended up mattering was the journey and the people they went on that journey with. This was an episode of revelations: of everything hidden coming to light, of everything confusing becoming clear, and of everyone realising what's really important. Everything else mostly falls away to focus on Tinn, Gun and the moms as we move into the series' endgame.

Verse: Life is what happens while you're making other plans

So put your arms around me And then stay there forever Let it always be this way You and me together

Natasha Bedingfield | Put Your Arms Around Me (2007)

Chekhov's gun finally went off in this episode as the source of Gun's mom's fainting spells is finally revealed and...it's rough. It feels so unfair to put Gun through more sadness and worry than he's already lived with, but they didn't shy away for the sake of keeping things light. I understand why they did it and what the story gained from it, but it made my tummy hurt so bad and I'm relieved it's not hanging over our heads anymore. But I guess that was the point right? We don't know who won Hot Wave, but we know Gun's mom is going to be ok, and that's what's actually important. I loved that she refused to make the promises that Gun begged her to make. It's her job to prepare Gun for his life to eventually go on without her, that's the job of every parent. She feels the pain of even the idea of potentially leaving Gun, but she knows intimately that life is entirely unpredictable.

Chorus: The song in the heart

No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips

Natasha Bedingfield | Unwritten (2004)

Gun struggling to write the song, and then struggling to put the emotions he felt while writing it into his performance felt so real. He has been so focused on winning Hot Wave as the goal, he's developed a kind of tunnel vision. The pressure he puts on himself to succeed, everything it could mean not just for him but for his mom...all he can think about is getting it right. But he wrote the song he wrote for a reason. When he looked inside himself, what he felt more than anything else was gratitude. Back in episode 8, he told Tinn what musicians like me want most...it's the audience, especially the one we want to perform for. The song in his heart is the things he wants to say, to his friends, to his mom, to Tinn. He can't win Hot Wave by trying to win Hot Wave, as odd as that sounds. He's got to let it go and just express the things he wants to express to the people he loves.

Bridge: A deeper love

These words are my own From my heart flow I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

Natasha Bedingfield | These Words (2004)

For all that Gun and Tinn have been clear how they feel, for all that they've been calling each other boyfriend, for all that they've been flirting nonstop...those non-kisses last week were unambiguous. Tinn's still overwhelmed by the enormity of his feelings, and Gun still doesn't quite understand why Tinn keeps sticking around. If you hit on someone else, you'd already have a lover by now, he's said to Tinn over and over. I don't want to hit on anyone else, Tinn's been responding, but Gun doesn't know the devotion behind those words, the lengths to which Tinn's gone for him. So when his mom tells him the things Tinn spilled to her, Gun is awed, he's humbled, he's swept off his goddamn feet. I'm grateful. I'm sorry. I love you. It's my absolute favourite romantic sentiment.

Outro: Truth will out

What are we supposed to do When everyone's afraid of changing?

Natasha Bedingfield | Hey Papa (2019)

So Tinn's mom finally knows. She'd already started putting the pieces together after her run in with Ms. Gim: finding out Tinn has been spending all this time at Gun's, realising he lied to her to go on the beach trip that Gun is clearly also on. Then she starts observing Tinn, testing him: raising the subject of girlfriends, watching him interact with the girls at school. And then she sees that 'Chinzhilla Baby ❤️' caller ID and that photo, that adorable photo that absolutely screams 'cute selfie I sent my boyfriend' and there's no more doubt. And I honestly think her overwhelming emotion is sadness, both that she didn't see it herself, and that Tinn, her baby, felt like he couldn't tell her. That Gun's mom must have known. That Tinn felt open enough with her, essentially a stranger, but not with his own mom. I don't think Ms. Potjanee is a bad person, and I don't think she's a bad mother. But I think she's going to feel like she is. She's in for a mountain of self-reflection, and I think that when she finally has that talk with Tinn there won't be any anger or recrimination about all the lies, she won't be upset about his sexuality, there won't be any animus against Gun. I think the words out of her mouth are going to be 'I'm sorry'.

Ad Libs

I'm really glad Ms. Potjanee didn't actually snoop in Tinn's phone, and I'm equally glad she hasn't confronted Tinn about what she now knows. It makes me confident that she's going to do right by her son here.

I had a feeling they'd have new credits for these final three eps and I was hoping the song from the trailer which I think is the final OST would be part of them, so when the closing credits started I started weeping. It's really almost over folks.

I understand from a storytelling perspective why they made Ms. Gim so seriously ill, I really do, but I'm still very upset about it.

They're following the Bad Buddy structure again of episodes 10 and 11 being revelation/climax and fallout and it's honestly such a comforting rhythm, way better than the 'episode 11 curse' structure.

How did Tinn become the guardian of the Holy Chinchilla?🤣

#my school president #chinzhilla rocks!#Spotify #this one was hard to see through the tears #bl meta series

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wandafiction · 5 days

Text

10 Out Of 10 Dive - Just Us Chapter 36

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2671

Series List | Chapter 35 | Chapter 37

================================

(Wanda PoV)

I freeze on the spot. Holy shit I didn't mean for those words to come out of my mouth, but they did and it's too late now, there is no turning back. Y/n hasn't said anything but I did feel her grip me tighter, so I know she definitely heard. What if she doesn't feel the same? What if this was all a huge mistake? Me and my big mouth I couldn't just keep those words buried deep down inside could I? No. It felt good to say them…

She still isn't saying anything…

Why isn't she saying anything?

I've scared her off...

But she is still holding me…

Say something. Please fucking say something.

"You love me?" Okay so she said something.

I pull away from the embrace slightly so I can look up into those captivating eyes that tell 1000 different stories all at once. Her hands come to gently rest on the sides of my arm, while I move my palms flat to her chest as I rub up and down it with miniscule movements: afraid I've already scared her off with my words I don't want to scare her off with my movements. She moves her hands so they move up and under the t-shirt sleeves so there is the skin on skin contact that I always melt into and cherish. Her thumbs rubbing gently at the skin just below my shoulders. I press my lips together, gathering my thoughts on what to tell her, but I can't tell her anything different because she already heard the words. So I am going to explain why I love her. I hope she feels the same or is getting to a point where she does because of course she does not have to say the words if she is not ready. I just, subconsciously, needed her to know where I was at. Stupid subconscious for making this amazing morning into this, stupid 3 word talk.

"I do. I love you Y/n. I really do love you so much." I let out a small sigh as the words leave my lips but continue on. "I love everything about you. I love the way you take care of me in and out of the bedroom, I love how you always ask me about how I am feeling or what I want to do. I love how you ask for my opinion on matters that I thought wouldn't need my opinion, but when you ask for it my heart skips so many beats. You just care so much about me and my wellbeing it's infatuating this feeling that only you can make me feel. The feeling of being safe, of being cared for, of being someone's priority, being something to someone. You have helped me escape the cage of never feeling good enough for anyone in just the few short weeks we have known each other. You always tell me how much you adore me, how much you love seeing me smile and hearing me laugh, you make me feel enough for someone. For my kids. For myself. I dived right in head first. 10 out of 10 dive, and you have caught me like you promised you would. I am wholeheartedly in love with Y/n and I want to share that love, the passion I feel towards you with the world. I just want to shout it from the fucking roof tops. I love, I am in love with you, Y/n Barton. I want everyone to hear it. I want everyone to know it. So to answer your question. Yes I do. I love you Y/n."

I have no idea how I just did that, without becoming a nervous wreck. But I did it and I can feel my nose scrunch from the smile on my face as I go over and over in my head what I am feeling. It's just indescribable. It's love.

She hasn't said anything…

My smile drops when I realise she still hasn't said anything. I bow my head, my sock covered feet becoming the most interesting thing in the room. Why hasn't she said anything?

"Wanda." Her voice is level, calm and soothing but I don't look up. "Wanda please look at me."

I feel her place her finger under my chin, lifting my head up to meet hers. What I don't expect to see are the tears in her eyes as they become glassy, a few having already escaped. I scrunch my brows as I use the pad of my thumb to clear her face of tears that have already escaped.

"I'm sorry for freezing up. It's just, I didn't expect those words. Well not when you said them. I wanted to say it first." I bite my bottom lip in anticipation of what she is saying. "I wanted to take you back to Hela's kitchen, maybe stroll back down to the park. I wanted to go and watch and listen to that violinist again. And then I was going to tell you how I am so head over heels in love with you. It's impossible not to be. Wanda you are one of the most amazing people that I have ever met and I feel honoured to have been able to meet you, get to know you, call you mine and fall in love with you. I promise you now, that I will do everything in my power to show you just how much I love you everyday, how much I care for you and how happy and loved you make me feel. I will be there with you right by your side through everything. And do you know why?"

"Why?" My voice cracks with emotion as I feel my own tears start to fall down my face.

"Because I love you, and only you. I am in love with you."

Well shit here come the waterworks. I let my tears flow freely as I smile so wide it hurts my cheeks and I can taste my salty tears but I don't care. I don't care because she loves me as much as I love her. She is in love with me. I am in love with her.

"You worried me for a second, you went so quiet. You didn't have to say it back, but when you said nothing at all I think I might have shit my pants with how scared I was."

"I'm sorry, truly. I just. I haven't heard those words being spoken to me in a fair while and the last time someone said them they used that to their advantage. Not that I think you ever could or would, I just need you to know why I froze." My heart breaks at her confession. I hate what her ex put her through, not that I know much but I know enough to know that relationship was abusive and toxic.

"I know baby, I know. Just know that I will never hurt you the way she did." I cup her cheeks stroking my thumbs across them.

"I know princess."

"But I need you to listen, to hear it and to understand it." She bites her lip as her eyes scan mine and I stop all my movements so she can concentrate on my voice and only my voice. "I will never hurt you the way she did. I will never use your feelings or my love for you as an excuse to hurt you."

Her bottom lip quivers as she wraps her arms around my body bringing me in for an emotional hug as I feel her tears drip from her face and down onto my shoulder as she whispers thank you in my ear over and over. My arms are wrapped around her body, and I have to go up on my tiptoes to be able to run my hand through her hair and down her head to try and soothe her a little bit, my other one rubbing up and down her back. Damn her and her tall stature.

I feel a small body wrapped around my legs, making me jump a little bit but when I look down I smile at Nathaniel who is hugging my leg resting his chin on my hip as he smiles up at me. Y/n's left arm unwraps from me and I feel another body join us snuggle into my right side, as Y/n's left arm wraps around the body and me. It must be Tommy as he is just below my height and it was easy for Y/n to wrap her arm around the both of us. Her other arm moves and I feel my other son, who is annoyingly taller than me, join our huddle. When Y/n wraps her arm around Billy she plants her hand on the top of Nathaniel's head running her fingers through his short hair.

I want to stay in this moment forever.

(Natasha PoV)

My movements stop in the doorway of my kitchen, I didn't really expect anyone else to be awake, let alone have a huddle of 5 bodies cuddling one another in there. I look past them to see a small mess in the kitchen, pancake mix it seems, it looks like they had fun when trying to make breakfast. Obviously, they got distracted because I see no pancakes in sight. I must look like a creep just standing in the doorway watching this family have a moment.

Woah.

Family.

I mean that is exactly what they look like from an outside perspective. They look like they have known each other forever, a loving and caring family. I know that's all Wanda has ever wanted, and even though vision gave her the twins who she loves with her whole heart he could never give her the family aspect of it. Sure he did his bit when he was home, it wasn't very much and it wasn't the best. He treated Wanda like a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe, but she could never escape it because her thoughts were always about the boys.

"I am staying with him for the boys. I can't have them growing up with parents who don't at least try."

She always used to say that to me. Always. Whenever I would bring up the idea of leaving him. Now I think about it, I don't think they were ever her words. No. They were Visions. He was never physically abusive, not that I knew of as I always would pay close attention to Wanda looking for bruises that thankfully weren't there. However, I know he was manipulative and got inside her head twisting her thoughts to become his own. I will never understand what he did to make her stay for so long, or if she really just put up with him for the children until she couldn't fight it anymore.

That day she turned up on my doorstep, the twins in the car bawling her eyes out which were red and puffy, I swore to myself I would never forgive him. I also promised myself never to let Wanda get into that sort of relationship again, not that she tried getting into a relationship. It's hard when you're a single mother of two teenage boys, there is either no time to look for someone you want to be with. Or when you find that someone and want to introduce you to their kids, they run. Now Wanda had been with a few people over the past two years, but they all ran saying they were not ready for children and they were definitely not ready for two teenage boys.

And then she met Y/n.

Something changed in her, for the better. It's like she is floating on air whenever she is with her, she smiles that amazing smile i haven't seen in so long, she never shuts up about her. Which is annoying, but shows me how much she truly cares about Y/n. The night after they first met, on one of our girls nights, I had asked Wanda what Y/n was like.

"She doesn't care that I have children."

Now that sentence took me by surprise. It's not the first thing I thought she would say in a million years, that someone she had literally just met the night before already knew she had two teenage boys and didn't run. Y/n didn't run. The smile on her face when she told me that she didn't run was insane, her face creased with happiness. Then she mentioned she was 22 and to say I was surprised was an understatement, it took me a second to realise she wasn't joking. But after she told us more and more about Y/n over these past few weeks, I soon came to realise that it didn't matter how young or old Y/n was because Y/n makes Wanda extremely happy.

She has had this extra glow this past week and a bit, this extra confidence within herself. I've noticed it, I know the girls have noticed it. I'm not sure if Wanda is even aware of the change in herself, but we can all see it. The way Y/n is looking at her right now shows me she can see it too, her eyes are full of adoration and she is so gentle with Wanda. She is so good for Wanda, she has brought my friend's confidence back. She has brought my friend's smile back. She has brought my friend who I have missed for so long back to me. For that I can never thank her enough. I love to see Wanda so happy.

However, I still get the feeling she is hiding something from Wanda and I love Wanda to bits so if she hurts her I will kill her especially with how happy Wanda has been. It would destroy her. Whatever she is hiding she better tell Wanda soon, because the fallout could be huge. I am brought out of my staring at the family when I see Wanda plant a kiss on Y/n, well they must have told the twins then.

"I love you." I hear Wanda say between the two of them, my eyes go wide and I feel my jaw drop to the floor.

She loves her.

Now she better not hurt her.

"I love you too Princess." Y/n speaks the words so softly I almost don't hear them, but then she looks up to me and smirks. "Hey Natasha."

"Hello." I push off the doorway, seeing Wanda hiding her very red face against Y/n's chest. "Sorry you guys. Did I step on your moment?"

"Shut it Nat." Wanda grumbles against Y/n's chest and the boys and her laugh, me joining in too.

"So you love each other?" I raise an eyebrow at the lovebirds.

"Yeah, got a problem with that?" Wanda shoots towards me, no malicious intent behind it.

"Nope." I say popping the P.

"Sorry about the mess Natasha, me and the boys were making pancakes. It sort of turned into a messy pancake fight. I will clear it up once I've actually made some." Y/n moves away from the group hug as she starts collecting the ingredients to start again.

"No problem. Also please call me Nat. Friends get to call me Nat." I see her smile with her back turned to me.

"Okay Nat. Why don't you take Wanda and the boys into the living room to watch some TV while I cook everyone some food."

"Sounds good to me, chef." I turn to the boys and Wanda ushering them out of the room, the look Wanda is giving Y/n makes me feel very single because all I see is love. Ugh.

But she loves Y/n.

Y/n loves her.

They love each other….

Holy shit they love each other.

================================

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maxmoff x y/n #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #just us series

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meetmyothersouls · 2 years

Text

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Part 11

Warnings: injuries, language, dread, violence, hospitals, not proof read

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

You weren’t quite sure how long the ride to the hospital took, not as your thoughts raced as quick as your heart. Your vision blurred as you blinked pack tears and pushed away nausea.

“I shouldn’t have run,” you choked out. Nicole’s arm wrapped around you as she sat next to you in the back of Larry’s cab. “God damn it, I’m so fucking stupid. I always run. Always. Any time something gets too difficult...I...I run.” You weren’t sure if you were even comprehendible as you sobbed. “I’m so sorry. It’s...It’s my fault.”

You heard Nicole’s breath shake. She didn’t comment on Timothee’s condition on the way to the hospital. Maybe it was because she took the time to comfort you, to keep you from fully breaking down before you had the chance to see him. “Sweetheart,” she said. You were shocked at her level of composure, given the circumstances. “It is not your fault. You ran because you felt you had no other option. Timothee explained everything to me before he...well before he took off to find you, and in all honesty, I would have done the same if I was in your situation,” she admitted.

You wiped your eyes and nose on your sleeve as you sniffled, “really?”

“Really. And none of this is your fault. Timothee is going to be okay, he’s just...well he’s just a bit banged up, but he’s going to be okay. You cannot blame yourself.” You allowed yourself to bury your face into Nicole’s shoulder and sob. She slid a soothing hand down your hair and onto your back, rubbing small circles with her long, manicured fingernails. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“What? What could you possibly need to apologize for?” You asked her, a bit stunned that she felt the need to do so.

“I invited Lilly. I didn’t know she was so...conniving.” The last word had a bite to it that you never heard come out of Nicole’s mouth. To be honest, you’d never heard her say anything bad about anyone, well, at all. “If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I should have asked you; I should have asked you about all of this and I am so very sorry.”

The taxi came to a stop and Larry cleared his throat. “Ladies, we’ve arrived.”

The New York Presbyterain hospital had many floors. You counted nine floors from the outside and it wouldn’t be long until you were in Timothee’s room, seeing what kind of destruction had occurred to his body in your absence. You took a step toward the entrance but was cut short by a hand on your wrist. You turned to find Larry, his short, chubby fingers barely wrapping around your wrist.

“Now, let me say something before you go in there, okay?”

He ran a hand over his mouth, smoothing his mustache down as he did. His eyes were glistening, as if he was on the verge of tears himself.

“Okay,” you said in a voice you weren’t sure he even heard.

“No matter what happens or has happened,” he stopped to clear his throat and you tried your hardest to swallow the lump forming in your throat. “You did nothing wrong. This is all just a series of unfortunate events that unfolded before we had a chance to intervene. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently, especially you.” He gently pushed his index finger into your chest while the hand that was still wrapped around your wrist pulled you into a hug. “I’ll wait out here for you.”

You nodded into his shoulder and inhaled his grandpa-like scent that made you think of summer vacations back at the beach with your grandparents. Larry made his way back into his car while you and Nicole made your way into the hospital. Your heart skipped beats, but not in the way that made you have butterflies. It skipped in the way it did when you wake up from a dream just before you’re about to fall. You couldn’t take a deep breath and your hands shook so bad Nicole had to hold one while you rode the elevator to Timothee��s room.

You stopped outside room 605 as you glimpsed the figure of a woman already sitting next to his bedside.

Lily.

You spun around to face Nicole.

“Did you-”

“No! I didn’t,” she cut you off before you had the chance to finish your question. “I don’t even know how she got his room number. I told the front desk, my name and yours and-”

“Send her out here.”

Nicole nodded before walking in. You watched through the small rectangular window through the door as the spoke quietly. You still hadn’t seen Timothee, you had something to take care of before you let yourself go in there. Nicole took Lily’s seat as Lily walked out. She opened the door and shut it quietly.

Lily took a deep breath, it was so quiet in the hall, you could hear her inhale and exhale, but before she had the chance to speak, you laid into her. You hand flew through the air and landed on her cheek. You knew it hurt her as your hand sizzled and stung on impact. Lily’s face swung to the right, but she didn’t fight back. You knew she wouldn’t. Not in this stage of your pregnancy, and anyone who witnessed her try would intervene before she had the chance to strike back.

Slowly, she turned to face you. Her face throbbed with a perfect, bright pink handprint. Her breath shook as she prepared herself to speak, “I deserve that,” she said.

“Damn right you did.”

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but you cut her off.

“You don’t speak. I do. And when I’m done, you are to leave, you got that?”

Lily nodded.

“First of all, how dare you try to come in between mine and Timothee’s relationship. How dare you. You had your time with him and it’s over. You don’t get any more chances. You will never get any more chances Secondly, I’m not sure what type of cunt, kisses their ex-boyfriend, knowing their current fiance is pregnant. I’m six months pregnant, Lily, do you know what that can do to someone in my condition? I could kill both of you, but mainly you. I would love to make sure horrible things happen to you, but instead, I’ll leave you with this: you come near me or my fiance again, I will make sure you don’t a mouth to kiss him with or hands to touch him with. I. Will. End. You.”

As you finished, Lily turned to leave and, on your attempt to gather yourself before walking into Timothee’s room, Lily spoke. She wasn’t facing you, in fact, she was waiting for the elevator to take her back down to the lobby.

“Don’t be mad at him.”

You didn’t say anything.

“You be mad at me, but not at him. I cornered him. I pushed myself on him.”

You couldn’t hear her voice, but you were certain she was crying, or at least on the verge of tears.

She continued, “he didn’t even want to kiss me.”

The elevator opened, and she walked in, only turning around when the elevator doors came to a close.

Again, you attempted to gather yourself. If Lily was telling the truth, this changed the whole situation. God, you should have just let him speak before you ran out. You should have let him explain the situation. Your hand froze on the doorknob, and again you found yourself wanting to flee. You didn’t want to see him, bruised and bloody in a hospital bed. You didn’t want to see the aftermath of your actions. But you couldn’t run. You couldn’t leave him there. After all, you thought, it’s your fault he’s here.

The door opened for you. Nicole was standing on the other side.

“He’s asking for you,” she whispered.

“He’s...he’s awake?” You wiped away a tear that managed to escape before you had the chance to blink it away.

“Just woke up,” Nicole confirmed.

You swallowed hard and stepped in. Timothee smiled immediately upon seeing you and winced as he tried to sit up in his bed. His lips were dry, and they cracked a bit as he continued to smile. Both of his eyes were black and clear oxygen tubing rested on his face and into his nose. He had a few stitches on his forehead, IV tubes sprouting from his hand, his knuckles were bandaged blood soaking through the wraps and multiple bruises peppered his arms. You were scared to see what the rest of his body looked like.

“Hey,” Timothee rasped.

“Hey,” you managed to choke, before rushing over to him.

Nicole stood at the corner of the room, allowing you to sit where she sat minutes before.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t. Don’t even think about apologizing. I’m a fucking idiot for leaving. I should have stayed. I should have let you speak before I acted. I should have, fuck I should have-” you took a deep breath, sobbing as you continued to talk. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry, Timothee. I left you again.”

An IVed hand, grabbed yours and squeezed lightly, “you didn’t act irrationally. Do you think for a second, I wouldn’t have left if I found you in the bathroom with an ex?”

You shrugged, unable to speak. Instead, you lifted his hand to your lips and placed small kisses to his bruised skin.

“Well, no, actually, first I would have murdered the man who thought about kissing you. Then I would have left. But this.” Timothee gestured to his body. “Has nothing to do with you.”

“It does,” you spoke. “You went looking for me. I know you did.”

“I did yes,” Timothee admitted. “But I pushed myself beyond my limits. I should have stopped, but I was determined to find you. That was my decision and my fault.”

“What...what happened exactly?”

“He fell asleep at the wheel. In the middle of the freeway.” A doctor came in, carrying a clipboard thick with papers. “He is lucky to be alive. Hi, you must be y/n. I’m Dr. Higgins.”

You shook Dr. Higgins’ hand and smiled nervously at him. You weren’t sure how to take this news. Timothee fell asleep at the wheel...in the middle of the freeway...looking for you. Timothee’s hand gripped yours tighter, you wondered how much strength and energy that small action took from him.

“I know what you’re thinking right now,” Timothee said. “Don’t. I should have stopped. I should have let you have your time, and I didn’t. I was determined to find you.”

“Now,” Dr. Higgins started again. “In addition to everything you see here, Mr. Chalamet has also suffered a grade three concussion, several broken ribs and a broken collar bone. He is going to need a significant amount of recovery time and probably several weeks off of filming.”

“Fuck,” you whispered.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay. Everything is okay,” Timothee assured you.

“A nurse will be in shortly to check your vitals and will be in throughout the night. Before I go, I do need to ask you a few questions if that’s alright.”

“Sure,” Timothee said, his hand still in yours.

“If you could tell me, what’s your current pain level on a scale from one to ten.”

“Eight.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. Eight? Jesus Christ.

“Y/n. I’m okay.”

“Any thoughts of harming yourself in the last few months.”

“None.”

Well, that’s a relief.

“Any use of drugs or excessive alcohol consumption on or around the time of your accident.” “No.”

“And last question, do you feel safe at home and/or in your current relationship?”

“Yes.”

He answered confidently and you were grateful that he did.

“Perfect. That’s all I have, again I’m Dr. Higgins, I’ll be your doctor for the remainder of the evening. Please push the button on your bed if you need anything okay? Nice to meet you, y/n.”

You nodded and smiled at the doctor as he walked out.

Nicole left for the night, leaving you with Timothee. You weren’t planning on leaving him for his entire stay, or ever again for that matter. Not after this. As the night went on, and after lots of begging from Timothee, you managed to lay with him in his bed. You tried your hardest not to touch any part of him, but he wanted you close to him and you weren’t going to deny him anything for a long time.

“Hey,” Timothee whispered.

You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep, but it was dark and quiet in the room.

“Mmm?”

“You awake?”

“A little bit,” you said. Suddenly remembering the situation you sat up abruptly. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”

Timothee chuckled lightly, a sound that made your heart skip in the good way this time.

“Actually can you help me to the bathroom?”

You climbed out of the bed, and held his hands as you eased him to the edge. Timothee grabbed his IV pole for leverage as he stood, swaying slightly as he did. You walked wit him to the bathroom at the far side of the room, praising him gently at how well he was doing despite his injuries. He assured you he didn’t need help with the rest, but you stood by the door and listened just incase. You walked him back and eased him back into the bed. He grabbed for you before you had the chance to sit instead of lay back down with him.

“I don’t want you far away,” he whispered.

You smiled at him and slid onto his bed, careful not to put too much weight on him or bump any injuries. You laid next to him, your faces inches apart.

“I’ve been thinking,” Timothee said.

“About what?”

“Let’s get married.”

You furrowed your brow and scrunched your nose. “We already are getting married, remember?”

“Yeah I know, but like now. Well, I mean as soon as possible. We wont be able to go back to Budapest for a few weeks. Let’s do it.”

“Before the baby gets here?”

“Yeah, as soon as I get out of here I want to marry you. I want to make you my wife. Please?”

You snorted, thinking about wedding pictures with you six months pregnant and Timothee bruised from head to toe. But you saw no issue with waiting.

“Okay, let’s get married.”

Tags: @imnotoverlyobsessive @dayafied @soulofendlessbook @fashphotolife @chicchanelcigs @scentedkittenperfection @weasleytwinscumslut @timotheel0ver @mxciscastleintheair @marvelmaniac2000 @lovelyrocker @divine-1 @louievr @love-poems-only @starberry-cake @inlovewithphantasy @alexagirlie @misswestfall @softhecreator @livresjaunes @timmymyluv @inannamoon @harrys-thick-thighs @s-we-e-t-t-ea

#timothee chalamet #timothée chalamet #writing #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #timothee blurb #timothee chalamet imagine #timmy chalamet #dark!timothee #it’s not you it’s me

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ayameyumesaki · 2 years

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Tokyo Babylon - CLAMP Premium Collection - Commentary Part 11

Previous Part First Part Next Part

Finally! We come to my favorite chapter ever in Tokyo Babylon, Save Chapter 😭 Another chapter that speaks about Subaru's personality, and a touching chapter with matters I think most of us could relate. I hope this chapter will help whoever shared, or know, the same problem will be able to relate and take Subaru's action into heart....but it will be talked in the next part lol

Talking about the chapter cover first, when I saw his clothing here, I was like "wasn't this Eagle (MKR)'s outfit?????". I think it's not exactly Eagle, but one of his staffs, but ANYWAY, in this chapter, we are going deeper towards the main plot and one of major chapters in this series.

So, we started our story from a certain school, where this school will go to Shizuoka for their school outing and stay for one night. They will create groups for room assignment etc., and the girls were excited for it---except one girl.

The teacher said it's been decided, and the teacher called Hashimoto. She hasn't been assigned to any group, so the teacher asked the other team to accept her, and they went "noo" "I don't want tooo". She stayed quiet and the teacher called her.

The teacher then told her, it's okay to be calm, but she should be assertive as well. If she didn't make an effort, then she won't be able to make friends. She probably couldn't do it during the breaks or lunch break, but anyway, if she didn't put an effort, she won't be able to enter her friends' circle. She is already a second year as well.

Then he told her, if you don't make friends during your school times, then when you entered the society, it will be boring. Well, this is an all-girls school and all of them are just children, so they aren't bad. If Hashimoto makes an effort, then you can make a friend as well. I think Hashimoto also has a responsibility for why you are always alone.

Okay, so up to this point, we are introduced with a high-school girl named Hashimoto and she was outcasted by the students in her class. The teachers told her to give her best on making friends, but she hasn't shown speaking to anyone so far. But it's pretty clear, to me, that her friends were the one who doesn't want to accept her, and she doesn't want to do anything with them as well.

Why?

This panel should be enough to tell the reason.

Save me, she said.

You see. So, after she was done with the teachers, her classmates stopped her when she wanted to come home and they kinda kicked her for nothing, even when she didn't say anything. They threatened Hashimoto if she spoke about them what they do to her to the teacher they won't forgive her, and when Hashimoto showed a slight hatred to them, they began to kick her down and used her body like a mat. They left her alone under the rain, and that's the panel above.

Hashimoto is a bullying victim. That's the main theme for this chapter. Actually, this will be talked further in the next chapter, but let's keep the theme of this chapter first for now.

In the next page, we got this panel and the whole conversation is just so cute 🥺

Subaru, seemingly to be in rush, came out from his room so cutely it hurts my heart and Hokuto-nee-chan is already prepared everything for him. She however told him that "it's strange that Subaru is sleeping until after noon" and Subaru, in panic as he prepared his bag while buttoning his shirt, replied with "yesterday I have work until late night, so I just slept this morning".

Then Hokuto asked him when he slept and he said "around 10 AM" and Hokuto goes "THEN YOU ONLY SLEPT FOR TWO HOURS!?" 😭😭 did he really sleep for two hours and still functioning properly, like boy, if I got only two hours of sleep I will pass out the moment I wake up huhu I wonder how he can stay alive if he slept for two hours a day?

But no! He didn't sleep just two hours!

He told Hokuto that he slept longer than two hours and said he slept for two hours and ten minutes. The vertical panel's Hokuto is me. 10 minutes oversleep isn't adding anything for me as well 😥

Then Hokuto told Subaru that lately, Subaru is so focused on his jobs and Subaru said "yes, because..." and Hokuto continued with "this is his job, after all".

Hokuto then asked, "Because you are someone who wore seriousness like clothes and walked around with it, even when it's a holiday because of our school's founding anniversary, you still go to school for supplementary lesson, right?" while tying Subaru's tie (in her way) and Subaru replied with "Yes. If I didn't do it, then I don't have enough attendance numbers."

Hokuto also said that "Japan's compulsory education only applied until middle school, and Subaru is already a first-year of high school, so you want to go to university?" and Subaru said "yes".

Hokuto said "so you don't want to give up your old dream, huh?" and Subaru cutely replied with "ye--yes" while blushing 😭 CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE Hokuto-nee-chan even sighed and said, "Sumeragi Clan who has been protecting Japan from spiritual side since far past. You, the thirteenth head of Sumeragi Family who has been standing as the top of onmyoji whose number has been reduced like protected species, his childhood dream is to be a zookeeper... I can't even make a gag for that" with Subaru still blushing at how embarassing that dream 😭😭😭 this whole scene

But Hokuto also asked what will he do with his current job. Subaru said he will keep doing it, but if he can find someone who is far stronger in ability than him, then he will ask him to takeover. He doesn't want to give up his dream no matter how long it will take.

Boy... You really shattered my heart into pieces by allowing me rereading this painful scene, especially when I remember what happen to you later. What is heart anyway? Has been losing it since I started CLAMPism in my life.

Anyway.

Hokuto confirmed again that if Subaru wants to go to veterinarian major and HE CUTELY SMILED. I give up 😭✋ he goes extra cute whenever he talks about his dream.

Then Hokuto said, "Subaru, since before, is a honest and good child, but you are also a blockhead" and she smiled happily for him too. Supportive sis Hokuto 😭 If only you didn't (beeped). She also said she will support him so he should do his best.

She even created a newest version of a shoujo manga, from Onmyoji x Serial Killer to Zookeeper x Veterinarian romance story. I would choose the second one. But Subaru commented that their obaa-chama (I still can't at Subaru called Obaa-chama with Obaa-chan... Like it's so out of character... Like it's so not Subaru who is ALL POLITE TO ANYONE except Hokuto so him actually calling Obaa-chama with Obaa-chan feels so wrong... anyway,) said that not all people with Sakurazuka surname is related to Sakurazukamori.

Yeah. Not if they aren't onmyojis. But that Sakurazuka you know understood high-level techniques you used, boy. Red flag as usual 🚩🚩

AND GOOD THING IS.

Subaru said that "such a kind Seishiro-san wouldn't be a serial killer" and Hokuto said, "yes, he looks kind, but... It's still questionable if he is truly kind."

Hokuto said she can only do basic techniques, right? Of course, she is so down-to-Earth that she won't reveal her actual abilities.

Just as Subaru is about to question what Hokuto means, the phone rang and Hokuto helped Subaru prepare his clothes. Subaru told Hokuto to call the school that he couldn't come to supplementary class because of job. And I don't know, Subaru smiled, but it seemed like he was sad of the fact that he couldn't go to school as well...

Hokuto-nee-chan to the save! She immediately hugged her brother and told him, that she will be with him, so whatever happen, don't ever give up his dream.

That's a nice advice over there and indeed, Subaru took that advice to his heart------but for a certain different dream. What dream is it? Read X.

No No NO but seriously I was like... Subaru is a geniune 16 years old who had a normal dream of being a zookeeper because he likes animals 🥺 and everything that happened in his life; being born with an ability to interact with spirit, onmyoji, and even the head of Sumeragi family; it suddenly feels so cruel... He has a heavy burden in his shoulders, and the only person he actually allowed to see his young, teenager side is only his sister, Hokuto... (and to some extend, Sei-chan)...

It's sad...

Okay, move aside your sadness because that's not the end of the wheel of foreshadowing in this chapter.

Subaru went to the meeting place, which name I can't read because the Kanjis are too small but I will make an effort to read it one day, and he looked here and there until he heard a bell. He looked at where the bell is and touched someone's shoulder accidentally. He apologized for it and someone familiar talked to him in Kyoto dialect...

OBAA-CHAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 😍😍😍😍

Not on story side, but Obaa-chama's clothings? That full-bucked kimono that probably weigh more than 10 kilograms? So gorgeous and beautiful 😭

Cough.

Subaru asked why she didn't tell him that she is coming to Tokyo and he will come for her, but she told him that, when she visited the Imperial Household Agency in Tokyo, the head of Intelligence and Research Cabinet told her that he has a request to Subaru, so she passed it along to him. She also said she has something she needs to tell Subaru.

They first talked about the job. Obaa-chama asked if Subaru is aware of the rise of cult religion groups and Subaru said yes. The Ministry of Education had a request for Intelligence and Research Cabinet to look at one of those groups. Subaru wondered why the Ministry of Education requested a research towards it. Obaa-chama said while it's not strange for Intelligence Cabinet to conduct an investigation towards cult religions, particularly, this one religion group's members are middle and high schoolers. Since the members are students, Intelligence Cabinet had limitation on how much they can investigate the internal. They want to ask Subaru, who is a high-schooler, to help them with the investigation.

Before continuing, I want to note something first. When you search about Japan, you will probably come across an article that say Japan's religion is Shinto or Buddhist, but in fact, Japan is not a religion country. Of course, there are Buddhist practices in the temples or Masses conducted in churches, but there has been no official religion in Japan, and so, most Japanese doesn't have religion, or musukkyo. People don't recognize themselves with a religion there, and I bet when Subaru was asked what religion he adopted, he would be confused, except those who actually realized that religion is be a part of their life and baptised out of their own will.

Then, cult religions appearing in Japan is not uncommon. Rather than religion, I would like you all to think it as a cult. They gathered and did practices just like a religion, but it's their teachings which is questionable. Because of this, Japan's government would keep an eye at newly appeared cults and if they started to create a problem, the government wouldn't just stay still and watch. So, please keep in mind about this!

Back to the topic,

Obaa-chama asked if there is nothing change, and he said he and Hokuto are living just fine.

Obaa-chama revealed that during their monthly fortune reading, she read Subaru's fortune. Then Subaru asked what's the result, and Obaa-chama said...

Subaru-san will be abducted by 'sakura'.

I want to put a meme for this fortune reading but the panel? The high-detailed page picturing Subaru being in the middle of cherry blossoms, seeming to be getting lost in it? Pretty beautiful. Need appreciation.

The line?

Those who didn't know TB ending: HMMMM first it's Hokuto, now it's Obaa-chama???? Is Subaru going to be taken away by Seishiro?

Those who know TB ending: Grandma I love you but it fucking hurts 😭

(Honestly at this point if you don't think Seishiro is sus, please reread volume 1 to 3 and tell me why you don't think he is a walking danger?)

Oh, fun fact. That hard-looking Kanji used in that line, 攫う (sarau), has several meanings, which is: to carry off, to run away with, to kidnap, to abduct, to monopolize, to make one's own. Since it is written in passive verb, if we took Seishiro as the subject of the sentence, then we can get the meaning "Seishiro is going to monopolize/to make Subaru as his own."

Pretty interesting.

Subaru was confused. Sakura? Obaa-chama asked Subaru again to never take off his gloves and she said, "that time, if I don't let you waiting for me alone, if I didn't let you alone..."

Subaru-san can't be abducted by sakura. Please, don't ever let sakura take away your heart.

Obaa-chama, he is this close 👌 of having his heart being taken away by a certain sakura, so don't worry. He will not be okay. *cries in the corner*

Scene shifted, and we returned to Hashimoto. Now, they were having PE class and the teacher told Hashimoto to join the game or she won't get a score for this class. The girls purposely attacked her with ball and one even broke his nose.

The teacher helped her to wake up, but he said "if there is an injured student during PE, they will finish him during the meeting". Hashimoto, who heard it, was shocked in silence. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU SENSEI!? Damn I have so much question to the people in this school.

Hashimoto cried in the park alone as she asked someone to save her, and a certain fishy woman appeared in front of her. The woman offered her handkerchief, but instead, she wiped her tears. She told Hashimoto that she can tell her anything, but Hashimoto didn't say anything, so she guessed that she is bullied. She said she understands the heart of people who is suffering. It's the power that God gave to her. Hmmm... Okay...? Fishy enough.

Hashimoto then when to the cult religion which Obaa-chama actually mentioned, MS Research Institution, and this fishy woman told her that they want to save her. Hashimoto asked how she is going to save her. This woman then told her to tell her worries.

She then told Hashimoto that she is her ally and she wants to save her. And right outside the window, there is nandarou???

Oh, yes. Vibing in front of a high building? Of course he will look cool like this. And how he comes down again? Using his 😎 vibe probably---I mean he upgraded his skill by standing above a cross in the future, but at this point, he probably also had a fetish for high buildings as well.

We will talk about 😎 later but the next day!

Hashimoto was still bullied at school and she came to the institution again, saying that she is praying like what Kumiko-sensei told her, but nothing changed. The teacher told her that her praying wasn't enough yet, and she should rush for the result, that the day when her prayers will be fulfiled will come. The teacher then introduced Hashimoto to our Subaru, who said that he entered the institution by himself because he wants to learn about it.

Then, Hashimoto looked at Subaru like that and Subaru was panicking 😭😭😭😭 He is not used being stared by a girl other than Hokuto. (or his gaying is showing lol)

Anyway, Subaru started observing things in the classroom and HIS WRISTWATCH HAS A LID??????? Damn boy, talk about rich, or is it the fashion style at that time 😭? Either way, he noticed that it's Friday, but it's still school time (Subaru never attends classes anyway so he is an exception), and whoever he saw is middle school or high school students. He then recalled the information about the research institute.

The institute was built in 1989 with 10,000 members currently. The average age of its members is 16,7 years old. The main institution is in Shinjuku. The institute's purpose wasn't to spread religion teachings, but to purify one's own soul, so there are a lot of differences with other cult religions. There are 20 mentors which is called "teachers", and they guide the students in form of "classroom" just like a cram school. There is no leader, but their greatest teacher is Nagi Kumiko.

As Subaru thought about it, that Kumiko-sensei entered the room and everyone stood up.

And look at how flustered Subaru was!!! Cute cute cute cute cute. He also commented that it really felt like a classroom. Kumiko-sensei introduced herself, and Subaru thought that since his job is to do an investigation, how should he do it?

Meanwhile.

Hokuto came to Seishiro's place and said she comes to make Seishiro a dinner. Seishiro asked what about Subaru and Hokuto said he has a job and she doesn't know when he will come home. Seishiro asked if it's okay for Subaru, because if Hokuto doesn't watch him, he won't eat---someone who will lose himself in his reading. Hokuto said that she already prepared a white stew for Subaru, and she thought that eating alone is boring, so she will prepare Seishiro's meal.

Seishiro asked Hokuto what work he is doing now and when Hokuto told him, his face.

HIS SHOCKED FACE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is honestly the highlight of this chapter, and it's his actual mask that's been falling off.

Seishiro: DID HE REALLY GO TO THAT PLACE ALONE BY HIMSELF, AND TRYING TO MAKE A FRIEND!?

Why did he show that face though? Hmmm... Interesting 🤔🤔

So, that's it for this chapter!

There aren't many things regarding the main problem of this chapter itself, but we got a major touch regarding the main plot of TB. Hokuto actually hinted at Subaru that is it true that Seishiro is kind? and Obaa-chama told Subaru that he is going to be taken away by cherry blossoms, right after what Subaru went through in previous chapter, is pretty interesting.

Let's thing about it. While Subaru established Seishiro as kind in previous chapters as well, right in one chapter before this, we saw him actually doubted who Seishiro is actually. But when Hokuto told him that he is probably different from what Subaru thought, his instinct goes to try to question what Hokuto means. He also elaborately erased the possibility of Seishiro being sakurazukamori when in previous chapter, the reason he doubted Seishiro's kindness is also because he is possibly involved with sakurazukamori due to his knowledge in onmyojutsu and previous events in which he was involved. He was unconsciously realized that Seishiro is somehow alarming, but he decided to subside it, and I think he would never question Seishiro's credibility as sakurazukamori, even with strange stuffs that happened around him, from this chapter onwards.

Also, it's interesting that Obaa-chama already predicted what will happen in near future, that Subaru will be taken away by cherry blossoms, and like I said, he is this 👌 of being taken away by that sakura. But why did she do a fortune reading on Subaru?

Because Subaru ever asked her about Sakurazuka, in the past.

Only several months has passed since volume 2 which happened in November, and since Subaru and Hokuto wore thicker clothes in chapter 4, I guessed that volume 3 happened around December, and chapter is around January or February, thus not many times passed since their last meeting. Obaa-chama also wore thicker kimono here, so I guess this should be around the end of February or beginning of March. Only three or four months passed, so it made sense for her to wonder why her grandson would ask about a Sakurazuka.

Well, there are many confusing things about the timeline, which I will explain later after we get into volume 5.

So, what's your opinion about this new foundings??? Like I said, this is one of my favorite chapters in TB and so much things to talk here! Let's continue in the next part, where things turn pretty interesting 👀

#also seishiro being shocked at the last panel #you two faced 😎😎#tokyo babylon #clamp premium collection #sumeragi subaru #sakurazuka seishirou #sumeragi hokuto

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terastalungrad · 7 months

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BB20: Tuesday 10 October

Let's start by addressing the horrific state of modern TV ads:

If anyone ever says "Domino-OOH-hooooo" to me, or invites me to McDonald's with that sinister eyebrow movement, we are simply no longer friends. Even if intended ironically. No matter how much history we have.

Olivia has a Scots song for any occasion. Whether it's getting herself voted as entertaining, or trying to drive people out of bed.

Fun task: a bed has been set up that fits all 16 housemates. Last housemate to get out of the bed wins a secret prize.

Henry, Jordan and Tom give up early. They're not going to win, so why bother trying.

Big Brother tries to bribe some of the housemates with their favourite drinks. Matty hasn't made much of an impression on me so far, but the he looks so joyful and scandalised when he sees his favourite drink on the screen. I also really like his T-shirt, which I've found online look:

It is really weird that Marcus Bentley does parody Big Brother narration in the ads for the sponsor this year. It's only the speed at which he delivers the lines that helps my brain recognise they're not part of the show.

Now, you know I would die for the Welsh contestants. But - Chanelle doesn't lose well.

(She's thrown out of the bed byu Big Brother for falling asleep.)

Ahh, Hallie's so good at fielding annoying questions about her gender. I could watch her represent all day long. Imagine being this good at talking people through their endless questions when you're only 18.

Kerry leaves the bed to accept Big Brother's latest bribe - some of the contents of Jenkin's suitcase.

Haha, there are some SUSPICIOUSLY sharp cuts in this series. ITV Big Brother clearly has some hard boundaries around what they'll broadcast.

Don't have a great read on Noky yet. She's bonding with Yinrun, who's an S-tier housemate. The S stands for "Steff". I'm saying she's a fave.

Matty thinks the novel 1984 is named and set in 1974.

LET'S TALK GAME THEORY. The bribes keep getting better, and include treats for other housemates. It is in the interest of ALL housemates for the maximum number to stay in the bed, so that they can trade their departures for treats.

That is to say, Henry could have stayed longer and - despite not standing a chance of winning - gained something for the group rather than getting nothing back. But, like the Tory MPs for whom he votes, Henry left when it suited him best, rather than when it could benefit the community.

Hallie leaves, bribed by a cheese board. Noky leaves because she needs the loo.

I like this show. Maybe I'll watch all of the Circle at some point.

Really strange Pot Noolde-related incident in the kitchen. Let's see if I understand it.

A limited number of Pot Noodles are provided. Presumably this is product placement from a sponsor.

Yinrun makes some noodles, but feels guilty about hogging them, and offers them to Dylan - or whoever, really. Dylan doesn't want them. Yinrun tries to convince someone to take them, because she feels guilty about hogging them.

This pushes Olivia's buttons. I THINK what happens is, Olivia's annoyed by Yinrun. Why doesn't she just eat her bloody noodles and shut up? But that's not a reasonable thing to be annoyed about. So instead of telling Yinrun off, Olivia instead tries to be really positive but in an annoyed tone of voice.

So she's like, "Yinrun, don't even worry about it! Don't feel guilty! Just enjoy your noodles! No need to worry about other people! Be your own person!"

Except it's so clear Olivia's annoyed at Yinrun, so this sounds like an attack on her.

Tell you what sounds brilliant in Jenkin's Bridgend accent:

"I would not have argued over a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle."

I hadn't even finished enjoying this sentence before he went on to say, "If it was Chicken and Mushroom, though, I would've lost my shit."

Jordan has taught Yinrun some cheese-related jokes. Absolute highlight of the episode.

Men are bonding. I'm against this in principle, but let's see. Paul, Matty, Zak and Dylan.

Paul talks about his childhood. Dodgy group of tearaway friends, until his headteacher did some good mentoring. Paul got his GCSEs, went to college to focus on boxing, and drinks relatively little as a result.

Matty's childhood - more money growing up, but hard to be gay on the Isle of Man. ("They're CALLED I Love Man" -- obligatory Josie Long quote) Matty has few male friends, but these hetero lads promise they're his friends for life now.

Zak grew up dirt poor. In Thailand, saved rainwater for showers. Used to fish for food, building fires to grill the fish.

"This is a social experiment, celebrating different people, different cultures, and what they're about." This is what Farida says to Hallie.

I think we know how ITV coached these housemates.

I saw a lot of people on Twitter express relief that we "finally have real people" in the show, rather than the "influencers" of later Channel 5 series.

But ... these people kind-of are influencers, right? Surely? There's no way Zak doesn't have an Instagram. In fact, I've just checked, and I'm correct - he has 109k followers, which I believe is the same as the total number of people left on Tumblr.

But they're different sorts of influencers. The level of artifice is the same, but in service of a different dance.

Channel 5 Big Brother would've given us a bitchy, vicious war between Farida and Hallie - microaggressions interwoven with battle cries.

ITV Big Brother shows us a tale of conflict resolution. Offence is caused by mistake, by a housemate who processes the conversation by talking to others, and the situation is resolved with a compassionate conversation at the end of the day.

Course, the other thing that's happening is that Hallie is far happier to be brutally honest about her feelings when Farida isn't around. Will that matter? As the weeks go by, is it the housemates' excellent social skills that'll stand strong - or will the tough situation cause them to descend into the same den of filth the Big Brother house normally becomes?

I hope it's the former. I'm enjoying a wholesome take on the voyeur show. Sure, we're creepily watching strangers going about their lives. But hey, now the epsiodes end with a really lovely conversation about the nature of love.

#bbuk

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kimbapisnotsushi · 1 year

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Hi....Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite anime (can be series or movies) or top 10 favorite manga? And why do you love them? Also, what are your top 5 (or top 7) favorite moments from any anime (can be series or movies) or manga that you loved?

Sorry if I ask too much, feel free if you want to answer both of my questions or just pick either one......Thanks....

aaaahh no i'm so honored to be asked something like this!! these are REALLY hard questions tho LMAO like holy shit i STRUGGLED. i ended up choosing the series/moments that left me with the greatest emotional impact or were really formative during my younger years. this turned into a really long and wordy post so uhhh sorry about that, I would have added more pics but they couldn't all be the same size so i gave up LMAO. Anyways let's get into it!!

TOP 10 ANIMANGA SERIES/MOVIES (in no particular order)

I. HAIKYUU!!

I wouldn't be much of a Haikyuu!! fan if this wasn't number one on the list (even though I said they were in no particular order, haha). With how the anime adaptation is coming along, I do absolutely recommend reading the manga. Aside from the fact that the art is just gorgeous, I love how Furudate puts so much care into the characters and story. The symbolism and poetic one-liners that have no business being in a sports manga are fucking fantastic, the development is great, everyone gets a happy and fulfilling ending, and it all wraps up like an emotional sucker punch to the stomach. I also LOVE that there's so much canon material for fans to play around with, and that there's so much left to the imagination. Haikyuu!! really is just a master class in storytelling and a total dream to analyze.

II. THE NIGHT BEYOND THE TRICORNERED WINDOW

Okay, I lied earlier. I just HAD to put this one second. (I swear after this the order doesn't matter!) It has an anime series and live-action movie adaptation, which I haven't watched, but I've heard that they don't really do the manga justice. Now, I wouldn't really recommend this one to kids, which I guess can be pretty broad or specific based on your definition? Strictly speaking there aren't any NSFW explicit scenes - nobody even gets naked at any point nor is it the hated ecchi style with random underwear/breast shots or whatever - but the two main characters are pretty euphemistic in, say, the first quarter or so of the series.

(Hiyakawa borrows power from Mikado and when that happens the feelings mirror the pleasure of intercourse, to put it bluntly, but that's not something that actually ever happens. Mostly we, the audience, just see Mikado get red and flustered, although Hiyakawa says/does shit to go along with it sometimes. It gets milder -> nonexistent as the plot progresses because that's not really the focus of the story.

Also, if you're sensitive to dubious consent then this probably isn't for you, since a big part of Hiyakawa's arc is learning how to be less fucked-up than he is and he often uses Mikado's power while Mikado tells him to wait or slow down - not because he wants to hurt Mikado or make him suffer, but because Hiyakawa just genuinely doesn't know that it's the wrong thing to do due to his upbringing. I won't go into why for spoiler reasons, but it becomes really clear by the end of the story. For those of you who are willing to look, I'm going to show a couple pics of this in action down below - otherwise, please skip over it and just scroll down to the parenthesis.

I wasn't really expecting to to go as in-depth as I did about this, and I do love this series, but I also want to give fair warning since the way the dialogue and Mikado's expressions are depicted give off a very real sense of urgency that I would hate for anyone to be caught off guard/be triggered by. I'd love to talk more about it if anyone wants to ask, but I've already diverged enough from the original question.

I don't want you thinking that they have an imbalanced toxic relationship in which Hiyakawa has all the power and Mikado is subservient to him, though, because that's not what it is either. Mikado has always been his own person, and Hiyakawa never tries to control him in any way besides from his own misunderstanding of consent. They help each other on equal grounds, but apparently the anime does a terrible job of showing that.

END )

So, why do I love this series? Well, it's modern paranormal/supernatural, which I'm a HUGE fan of. Apparently Gege Akutami (Jujutsu Kaisen author) named it as one of their own favorites, and once you read it you can really see a LOT of similarities. There's a character just like Okkotsu in that they've done REALLY shitty things and don't know whether they deserve to live or not. There's also a lot of learning how to be brave when you've been running scared your entire life and taking back your own control/power through it. And, other than the heavy stuff, it's actually quite funny. There was one moment I wasn't expecting where I actually laughed out loud.

Also, the characters are really compelling! Aside from everything I said about Hiyakawa earlier, he's one of those nonsensical types who says the most ridiculous things with the utmost sincerity and with a straight face. Mikado acts as his opposite - he easily freaks out and is very expressive. Also, the villain? Like holy SHIT. I could go on about them forever. Like. Holy fucking shit. Top-tier how they handled the boss battle because hoooolyyyyyy shiiiiiiit. But I don't want to spoil, so I'll leave it at that.

Also, the background stories for the characters - once you get to them - will break your heart. Yamashita draws really simply, sure, but they have such a powerful way with storytelling that the emotions just hit you like a brick through the window.

Mostly, though, it is a story about healing, and I'm a sucker when a bunch of people who need to heal in different ways because of the same thing all come together and help each other. I can also guarantee a happy ending, so look forward to that!

III. SNOW WHITE WITH THE RED HAIR

Oh, how I love this series. I know the anime hasn't adapted to its current point, so I def encourage you to read the manga even though it's not complete yet either (and I started in like middle school LMAO). Shirayuki was honestly such a huge role model for me growing up - she was smart and pretty and determined and, even when she wasn't so sure of herself, she always wanted to do the right thing. All the characters in the main squad are so lovely and feel like a real family altogether, and I adore every single one of them. It's sweet and romantic and nails nonmagical fantasy worlds right on the head, and I'd LOVE for more people to get on board with it.

(If you need more convincing, there's pirates and festivals and assassins and a character to love for every single person out there. I know Kiki and Mitsuhide are enough to cause a crisis.)

IV. BOYS RUN THE RIOT

OKAY Y'ALL. LISTEN UP. YOU WANT MORE LOUD AND PROUD QUEER REP IN MANGA?? HERE'S YOUR QUEER REP COME AND GET IT.

It doesn't have an anime adaptation so you can't really watch anything and be done with it, but there's only four volumes so it's easy to collect. it's a story about a transgender teenage boy named Ryo who expresses himself through fashion and GOD I love everything about this series. Jin is the BEST ally. It feels like such a warm hug to see something so proudly represented in manga. ALSO Boys Run the Riot started as a prototype one-shot that the author entered into a contest, and in THAT one of the first characters prototype-Ryo comes out to actually reveals to him that he's Korean!! He kept it hidden and changed his name to protect his identity!! Do you know how fucking REAL Keito Gaku was for that!! Like there is a whoooole conversation to be had about that topic but that is not for now!!

Anyways yes Boys Run the Riot makes you want to cheer and scream when everything comes together in the end because it felt like an uphill battle you were holding your breath through the entire time and I LOVE that they get a hopeful ending. Give it a try, I'm BEGGING.

V. CARDCAPTOR SAKURA

Okay, I'm going to be honest: this is pretty much the only series that has a manga AND an anime in which I've only ever seen the anime. I hear it does a pretty good job of adapting, though, so I'm not too concerned about it. (I do plan on reading the manga to catch up to the Clear Card arc.) I'll also admit upfront that since CCS is a kids' series, there were quite a few problems in it that I didn't realize until I was much older and went back to it.

I like that Sakura feels like a very real protagonist. She was scared and wimpy quite often, and as a kid it was really empowering to watch her develop into someone confident of herself and her abilities. She's got such a great supporting crew behind her, too! I especially loved that CLAMP brought in Syaoran and Meilin from Hong Kong - even nowadays, a lot of non-Japanese foreigner animanga characters fall into the American or European category.

Also, Yuki and Touya. Just do it for them. Seriously. You can watch CCS for them and ignore everything else.

Mostly CCS, for me, was fun and magical and a great escape for a little kid who wanted to get lost in a world not too far from their own. Also, it's got that 90s-drawn aesthetic we all know and love.

VI. PLAY IT COOL, GUYS!

Honestly, I love all of Kokone Nata's works so far. She's one of the more modern authors who got picked up on Pixiv, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where she's going. Play It Cool, Guys! is one of my favorites. It's actually a manga in color, and Kokone Nata utilizes it beautifully. She has so many fun characters and makes normal, everyday life seem so bright and fun. And not to sound like a main character, but I'm also a very clumsy, accident-prone person, so it's really nice to be able to see the crew do everything that I do and do their best to overcome them.

I also love how naturally their relationships develop. Like, seriously - how would a high school kid, two entirely separate and totally opposite college students, a late-20s office employee, and a semi-famous author all fall in together?? Everything is up to fate but Kokone Nata has a way of never making it feel forced. It's not at all unreasonable to bump into each other at the bookstore or in the park - especially when we see that they actually DO interact as strangers first who all happen to hang out/live near each other, and they just drift closer when they finally recognize each other. It's so subtle but so amazing to watch in action.

Also, it's very soothing and fluffy and healing and you absolutely do not have to put the amount of analysis I do into it LMAO, so if you ever need a pick-me-up I absolutely encourage this series or any of Kokone Nata's works!

VII. POKÉMON

Yeah, yeah I know. But I couldn't not include another childhood fave!! It was one of the very first I watched and Ash is honestly such a great protagonist and role model for younger kids. Sure, he can be an annoying brat in the ten-year-old way, but he takes losing like a champ and he always tries to do what's right. He was incredibly selfless, kind, and considerate for a character of that age and growing up alongside that really taught me a lot about what I wanted to put out into the world. Watching any episode just makes me feel comforted and like I'm paying an old friend a visit and it will always be in my favorites list. Plus the dub actually has some HILARIOUS lines LMAO.

Also, the Special Adventures manga series by Hidenori Kusaka is a total gem and was my first introduction to fandom, so if you're a Pokémon fan who hasn't read it then I really encourage you to check it out!

(I would like to make a note that I got stuck after this and was kind of fishing around in my head for the last three LMAO)

VII. HIBI CHOUCHOU

This one is one of my favorite high school romance series - it's sweet and fluffy and might be a little cheesy, but the characters are all so lovely and you can't help but want to cheer them on! The plot is kind of ridiculous when you first start it - "all guys instantly fall in love with the super pretty MC who hates the attention and has been declared 'unattainable' because of her distant attitude towards them and ends up falling for the one guy who didn't act crazy-in-love with her from the start" - but it's really heartwarming to see the growth Suiren and Taichi go through. I also really love Taichi because he feels so different and refreshing from a lot of high school romance manga male lead/love interests that I've seen. (Maybe because of the glasses? I can't name any other male lead/love interest with glasses LMAO.) It's such a gentle series and feels like a warm hug, and watching two quiet people find their way together really did wonders for shy high school me.

IX. FADED FIRST LOVE

Oh gosh, this one is SUCH a gem! You know how sometimes people want representation as a sweet story that's not about an identity crisis but just having fun and in love? That's what Faded First Love feels like. It's genuinely funny and sweet, and while Aoki DOES encounter a couple homophobic problems here and there, it's mostly lighthearted and nothing he can't handle with the help of his friends. He and Iida are both learning and doing their best, and it's one of the series I go back to whenever I want a pick-me-up.

X. JUJUTSU KAISEN

I did say before that I was a huge fan of mixing paranormal phenomena with modern settings, and Jujutsu Kaisen is a great example of that. It's crazy how much thought was put into the technical aspects of that world - every time I think about Gojo explaining to Itadori how to channel cursed energy, it makes my head hurt. The monster designs are so creative and the characters are all such a great bunch. I tear up whenever I remember Miwa listening to Mechamaru's voice recording on the plane. What really nailed it as a Top 10 for me was JJK Volume 0, because hooolyyy shiiiit. Okkotsu's growth was FANTASTIC to watch and I LOVE how confident he is now and how he follows the philosophy of "the people I care about care about you" when it comes to Itadori.

So that's it!! God, that was hard. I hope you enjoyed, and for anyone else reading it I hope this encourages you to pick up one or the other!!

Honorary mentions to: Promare, Kimi ni Todoke, From Up on Poppy Hill, Our Not-So-Lonely Planet Travel Guide, Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun, and tbh I'd list more but that would take forever LMAO

This is already a really long post so I'll reblog or make a part two with my fave moments, I'll let you know!

thanks all <333

#JKDBLUIFHAUFAWF THIS WAS SO LONG OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY #THIS IS THE LONGEST POST I HAVE LMFAO #haikyuu!!#sankaku mado no sotogawa wa yoru #the night beyond the tricornered window #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #boys run the riot #cardcaptor sakura #play it cool guys #cool doji danshi #pokemon #hibi chouchou #kieta hatsukoi #faded first love #jujutsu kaisen #sou says stuff #sou answers

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super-predictable98 · 2 years

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The Girl From Night Raven | Twisted Wonderland AU

Chapter 10: Walk of Shame

Warning: strong language, mild sexual content, a little angst

a/n: It's been a while huh? I have been dedicating myself to my main blog, but I don't want to forget about these series. I probably won't post very often, but don't worry, this blog isn't dead. Hope you all enjoy this little chapter.

(The Girl From Night Raven Masterlist)

"Aren't you gonna get ready? We have class, you know?" Leona asked, buttoning up his yellow vest in front of the mirror.

"You never go to class, you're the biggest slacker in school, why are you so excited to go today?" Ilse cried, trying to use her blazer to hide the fact that her shirt was totally ruined from the night before. "Why did you have to rip all the buttons? You're such an animal..."

"There, take one of my shirts, it might be a little big on you, but it's better than this."

She begrudgingly followed his advice before heading to the door with a huff. "Wait five minutes before you leave, I don't want people to see us walking together."

"Why is that?"

"Because they'll think we're dating."

"Would that be so bad? Who cares what people think anyway?"

It was true, normally Ilse didn't care, but she had way too much pride to admit she drank from the water she said she would never drink, an expression her mother always used.

"Look, if it means that much to you, then fine, go ahead first."

So that was what shame felt like... Never had Ilse felt more embarrassed than leaving the Savanaclaw dormitory in that huge shirt that spilled out of her blazer and her hair even messier than usual. Without making eye contact with anyone, she headed straight to class, taking her seat between Ace and Jack.

"Ilse! Idia and Ortho are crazy looking for you," Ace exclaimed. "Where have you been?"

"I- I... Leona needed help with potions, I was tutoring him," she cleared her throat.

"You tutoring Kingscholar?" Jack grimaced. "Thought you couldn't stand him."

"I can't, he's disgusting and smells like wet fur, but he... Paid me! He's rich, so I don't feel bad taking money from him, especially when I have to hear his blabbing all night long."

"I didn't think he would need help, he's actually really smart-" Deuce murmured.

"NO MORE QUESTIONS OKAY?" she snapped, resting her head on the desk.

"After the first period, make sure to let your dorm leader know you're okay, also Kalim, Malleus, and Floyd are worried sick so see if you can let them know too," Jack whispered.

Ilse groaned and rubbed her eyes in frustration. Not only she had made what might've been the biggest mistake of her life, but she also managed to worry her best friends, upset her dorm leader, and potentially ruin her chances with three really nice guys who actually liked her and treated her well.

——————————————————

As Ilse walked into the cafeteria for lunch all eyes turned to her. As soon as she sat by one of the empty tables, a small crowd gathered around. Floyd and Kalim being the most enthusiastic members.

"Are you okay, starfish?" Floyd asked. "Did something happen to you last night?"

"Nah, I'm totally fine, not a scratch. I was just tutoring Leona for some extra cash," she tried to sound as relaxed as possible. Virginity was a social construct, right? Girls usually 'break' their hymen way before they even have sex, by riding a horse or a bike... Right? It's not like he had to be this big part of her life from now on.

"Really? Leona told us he was tutoring you," Kalim frowned in confusion.

"Leona... Tutoring me? Yeah like that would happen," she scoffed. "All that matters is that I'm here, I'm fine, nothing bad happened."

"You're right," Kalim smiled softly at her. "We were worried, glad you're okay."

Malleus was on the other side of the room with Lilia and the other Diasomnia members, they always isolated themselves for some reason. Ilse raised her hand to wave at him and he nodded, heaving a sigh of relief knowing his favorite mortal was okay.

"I should probably find Idia and let him know I'm alive," she got up, not able to finish what was on her plate, which Ruggie immediately noticed and took advantage of, stealing her tray as soon as she left.

Idia and Ortho were, of course, at the dorm. After Ruggie's confession about Ilse's safety, they were a little more relaxed, but they still hadn't seen her and the Ignihyde dorm leader started wondering if she actually decided to change dorms like he suggested on the day of her selection.

"Ids? Idia?" Ilse knocked on the door and he nearly had a heart attack.

"Ilse?"

"Yeah, it's me, can I come in?"

"Uh..." That had never happened before, usually Idia could communicate just fine through the door and there was no need for him to look into anybody's eyes, he was fine with that. But for some reason this time he wanted to look into her eyes. "Yeah, sure."

Ilse slowly opened the door and stepped inside his room. It was a mess of food containers, manga, video games, and dirty laundry, but it was cozy at the same time. Idia sunk in his chair, blushing when he saw her come in. She was probably gonna think he was dirty or something... He shouldn't have said yes.

"Hey, I just wanted to see you face to face to apologize for last night. It was very irresponsible of me to just disappear and not tell anyone, especially you, senpai," she said, the sincerity in her voice nearly making his hair explode in pink flames.

"I-It's fine, we were just worried that something might've happened to you," Idia murmured. "I'm glad it didn't. Ortho mentioned something about tutoring, right?"

"Right."

"You're not a very good liar, you know that?" He said. For someone who avoided human contact at all costs, he was very perceptive. He knew it was none of his business where she was and what she was doing, but he still wanted to know. "But you don't have to tell me the truth if you don't want to."

"I'm not- if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" She asked quietly.

Idia nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from her blushing face. That was probably the most adorable thing he had ever seen, she looked like an anime character. "Who would I even tell?" He shrugged.

"Okay, so... Sam from the store gave me a chocolate and it turns out it had a true desire spell in it. I ended up going totally insane and marching to the Savanaclaw dorm."

"True desire? So your true desire was to spend the night there?" He asked confused.

"Idia, please don't hate me! I- I spent the night with Leona and I can't tell anyone else, but I trust you and I respect you and you're the only one I can talk to about it!" Ilse finally said and fell onto his bed, crying her eyes out.

"Oh! You... Spent the night with him? Like together in the same bed? Doing... Stuff?"

"Yeah, and I barely remember anything, but now I'm scared that stupid potion prophecy is gonna come true," she sobbed and Idia, against his better judgment, got up from his gaming chair and sat down next to her, gently rubbing her back as if trying to soothe her. "I can't believe I did that, and with him! This school is crawling with cute guys, nice, respectful guys, and I-"

"I'm sorry, Ilse," he reluctantly wrapped his arms around her. It had been ages since he actually hugged someone. The last time must've been when he went home for the holidays, but something about her telling him such a personal secret, trusting him with that confession, made him feel closer to her. "You know, you did nothing wrong, you were under a spell. And even if you weren't, that's not a crime or anything, you don't have to be ashamed."

"Yeah, but it was a true desire spell, that means something."

"I know, but you can desire lots of people, doesn't mean you have to marry all of them. I mean, I have a dozen waifus at least! Why can't you have a few husbandos?"

"What?" Ilse looked up at him confused.

"Look, what I'm saying is that you can find several people attractive at the same time, you might want to... Do stuff with them, but it doesn't mean you love all of them. So what that chocolate made you do wasn't really that serious. It was just one of your true desires, maybe if you ate another one today, you'd end up somewhere else."

"Wow, Ids," she wiped the tears from her face. "I never thought I'd hear something like that from you. Where did you learn to be such a good confidant?"

"Just because I don't like talking to people doesn't mean I can't give good advice, when you listen as much as I do instead of just talking, you learn what people need to hear."

"If I didn't just mess up monumentally and all that, I'd kiss you right now," Ilse admitted. "But that would just make the tangle even bigger."

"Y-yeah, totally tangled, I get it..." Idia's flames started to heat up more, turning a bright shade of pink and he couldn't hide how much that statement messed with him. He had a chance with her?

——————————————————

"Hey, kitten," a low growl made Ilse nearly scream as she worked on her homework at the library.

"Leona, don't call me that!" She hissed, pushing him away.

The lion boy huffed and took a seat next to her. Ever since that morning, he'd been wanting to talk and maybe understand what would happen regarding their encounter, but she had been avoiding him from the moment she left the room.

"So, we're just not gonna talk about it?" He asked, resting his legs on the table.

"Talk about what?"

"You know what."

"Then no, we are not talking about it," Ilse looked up from her book with a hollow grin before turning her head back down.

"I can't believe you're gonna let this silly hatred ruin something nice. We had a good time, you really don't remember anything?"

"Well, over the last few days I've been remembering, but I'm not enjoying remembering it."

"Are you sure?" He smirked, flashing his bright white teeth. "Because you were very into it that night."

"What is your problem, Kingscholar?" She slammed the book shut. "Are you in love with me or something? Why won't you leave me the fuck alone?"

He gaped at her words, how could she even suggest he was in love with her? That despicable, bossy, stubborn, arrogant herbivore? Who does she think she is?

What he felt was definitely not love, it was nothing, it was an animalistic attraction created by the rollercoaster effect she had on him. Sometimes she was nice, sometimes she wasn't and that certainly left him confused.

None of that explained why he hated to see her with other boys, why he nearly lost his shit when he caught a glimpse of her kissing Kalim, why he felt like strangling Floyd anytime he saw that lanky fish boy hitting on her so desperately. But Leona just chose to ignore all of that.

"No! You wish!" He exclaimed instead.

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I don't even know, just forget it. I don't give a shit about you, Gothel, maybe you just put a spell on me or something. That little song you sing when you make people do what you want."

"If I were using my Siren Song on you, you'd be long gone."

"Or maybe that's what you want me to think, because you are the one who is in love with me!"

"Yeah, keep flattering yourself, stupid cat," Ilse scoffed. "If you don't get out of my face in five seconds, I will use the Siren Song to make you jump from the rooftop."

"You wouldn't..."

"Flower glim and glow, let your power-"

"Fine, you psycho!" Leona was about to get up when he spotted Malleus coming towards her table and instead draped one arm around her.

"What are you doing? Take your dirty paws off me."

Malleus didn't seem intimidated by the gesture. Instead, he took a seat on the other side, elegantly crossing his legs, unlike his opponent. Mal tilted his head, waiting for Ilse to notice he was there.

"Spit it out, lizard," Leona growled, tightening his grip around her shoulders. "What do you want?"

"Malleus!" Ilse covered her mouth after calling him way louder than she anticipated, her heart nearly racing out of her chest. "Hi, what's up?"

"Lilia heard it from the first years that you spent the night being tutored. I'm so glad it was all a misunderstanding, but I just had to check on you, mortal child," he explained.

"I wasn't being tutored, I was tutoring. When would I ever need academic advice from mister fail-a-lot?" She laughed. "But yeah, I'm okay, sorry I just disappeared like that. I wasn't really myself last night."

"And what were you studying? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"Female anatomy," Leona wet his lips.

"Shut up..." Ilse whispered, trying to break free from his embrace, but he was too strong.

"You seem upset, did something happen?" Malleus asked.

"Do you know what popping one's cherry means, you scaly bastard?" Leona countered with a shit-eating grin.

"No, what does it mean?"

"It means Ilse and I had sex that night. That's why she disappeared and spent the night at the Savanaclaw, because I was fucking her brains out."

"Leona!" She kicked his shin and finally managed to push him away, standing up. Her eyes filled with tears and she felt so embarrassed she could just faint. "You had no right to say anything, it was the spell."

"Calm down, meat, everyone would eventually figure it out. What are you so scared of? Your sycophantic followers won't kiss your boots every time you walk into a room? You just wanna keep every boy in this school wrapped around your fingers and never really pick a boyfriend. You're just like your grandma and your mom."

"Fuck you! Second-born piece of shit! It's a good thing you'll never be king, all the people of Sunset Savanna are very grateful for that, you tyrant!" She snapped before running out of the library to hide in her bedroom. She would rather die than cry in front of him or hear what Malleus had to say about this whole thing.

Truth is that she felt disrespected, she knew the moment people heard the news, they would think less of her just because she was the only girl around.

"How could you do this to a lady?" Malleus finally asked, knowing better than to chase after her. He understood better than anyone that sometimes people just needed to be alone with their own thoughts.

"What? Fucked her? She asked for it," Leona smirked. "And she loved it."

"No, expose her like that," he frowned. "I don't really mind what happened between you and her, that doesn't change the way I feel about Ilse, but after this ridiculous display, it certainly changes the way I feel about you. It isn't my business what you did or didn't do, I worry about her safety and her happiness, something you don't seem to care about."

#twisted wonderland fanfic #twisted wonderland au #twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #twst au #twst oc #leona x oc #leona kingscholar #oc x canon #fanfic

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luxshine · 2 years

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Moon Knight Primer Part Thirteen

Moon Knight (2016) #10 - 14

Prologue, Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII

And here we get to the end of the Lemire Run, a 5 part story titled Death and Birth, which is not the end of the 2016 volume, as there will be another writer in this who will do a lot more to cement most of what is now considered the origin of the guys’s DiD, the new revised origin of Moon Knight, as well as adding two characters to the canon that are amazing and… sort of erase Randall from reality? Because during all this, there’s not a single mention to Randall Spector to the point that if someone came to these issues after only seen the series one could believe that a) Randall was series only, and b) Randall was a cinnamon roll to be protected despite him being a murderous serial killer at best and a murderous serial killer cult leader at worst in the comics.

There are a couple of things that are a bit controversial of this run, so I will tackle them fast: Mental Health Treatment is NOT as terrible as it is shown here, and I believe electroshock therapy is no longer a thing, at least not in reputable hospitals. However, yeah, this puts the Spector parents in a worse light than before, as you will see soon. Rabbi Elias Spector used to be a loving, if a bit strict father with his absolute pacifism, here he is almost as bad as the spineless man who let his son be abused by his alcoholic wife in the series.

Second, it makes clear that no, the Alters didn’t came to be because of Khonshu’s interference, as Ellis had proposed. While Lemire won’t say clearly why they came to be, it’s clear that Jake, Steven and Marc have been a System since the body was at least 10, Steven and Marc being the first split and Jake coming forward a bit later. The only Alter who comes up after Khonshu’s deal in Cairo is Captain Spector, and Captain Spector is never seen again after Lemire’s run ends.

Third: It makes a MESS out of Marc’s backstory regarding his abilities, as there’s no way that he would have gotten C.I.A. and possibly S.H.I.E.L.D training after his stint as a soldier, and yet, offers no alternative explanation as to why our guys can go against say, Taskmaster toe to toe, without Khonshu giving them extra strength, but there you go.

One and three are, in my opinion, the only parts of the Lemire Run that are bad. There are a few of very purist comic fans who dislike the second part but they’re a minority (and most disliked the Lemire Run in the first place because absolutely Nothing on it happens in the Real World, and it’s ALL in the Guys’s Innerspace and well, that is a bit of a high concept when your favorite hero is the Punisher because he shoots bad guys -really, reading THOSE forums gave me a bit of a headache)

And well, we have to remember that since Everything is in the Guys’s mind? And in specific framed from Marc’s point of view as he remembers, with only one tiny sliver of Jake fronting? It is still an unreliable narrator. It’s not HOW things happen, but how Marc REMEMBERS them happening.

But well, let’s go into exactly how it goes. And once again, instead of going issue by issue, since this still changes fast from flashback to “reality” to the Othervoid which is reachable from Marc’s innerspace -and how cool is that? And let’s start precisely with the new and revised Origin of Moon Knight -and the system.

We begin with Marc and Steven meeting outside Marc’s apartment building. They’re both ten, and anyone can see they’re pretty much identical except for the fact that Steven is not wearing a Kippah, and is dressed in a bit of a more elegant way than Marc. As if he was Marc, born into more money. Marc mentions that his father is the rabbi at the local synagogue, but Steven dismisses his own father as ‘not being around much’ and that it doesn’t matter as he’ll grow to be rich and famous as a movie producer, so he’ll not need his father anymore -this even lines up with the original Moench run where Steven pretty much refused to see Rabbi Spector in his death bed. Marc may have loved his father, but Steven? Steven wanted nothing to do with the man for what he did to Marc.

By the way, Marc’s childhood room? An absolute treasure of easter eggs: He has Max Headroom posters on the wall (Max Headroom being a show about a man working together with an AI made out of his own brain-patterns. An outside Alter, if you will, as Max and Edison do not share the same body, nor the same mind. But it is curious still as they have their origin in the same brain), a telescope and books of astrology, a lot of Star Wars toys, and an Iniana Jones poster, a few trophies for different sorts, an A-team poster, and the fact that he’s a Cubs and Bears fan. He also has a Blast Off figure, whose armor is VERY similar to Moon Knight’s black suit. There’s also a lot of art supplies and an etch-a-sketch, as if Marc was still deciding what he wanted to do with his life. Which is obvious, as he was ten.

The boys’s conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Rabbi Spector, and that’s when we get the wham shot of Marc completely alone in his room, the clear sign that Steven is only in his head, and Rabbi Spector looking devastated at the way his son doesn’t seem to notice this.

A little bit later, we see Marc having a conversation with a psychiatrist and his father. He is confused as to why the doctor asks about Steven, and tries to say something about Steven AND Jake, who is, according to Marc’s father “A new development”. In a heartbreaking moment, we realize that neither the doctor or his father are talking TO Marc, even when he is right there, and instead are talking ABOUT Marc, to the point that soon, they make him leave the room so they can discuss things privately. Marc tries to hear through the door, but he is soon distracted by the arrival of someone else: Khonshu, peering over his shoulder, announcing that no, Rabbi Spector is NOT Marc’s True Father, instead, that HE is, and that He will be waiting, because “Soon” Marc will come to him, and then, he’ll be complete.

As always, Khonshu is sketched and inked in a glitchy way, showing how other wordly he is, compared to Marc’s reality. As Marc is reeling from this, his father comes out from the office and pretty much tells the poor boy that he is sick, and he’s being sent away to be cured because neither Rabbi Spector nor his wife can help Marc with his illness.

And thus, we see the first step for Marc to see his condition as something bad, something to be ashamed off.

As the flashbacks are intermixed with Mr. Knight return to the Asylum to face Khonshu, there’s this incredible sequence where he meets Anubis to barter for Crawley’s soul, and he jumps into the Over void, and we can see short scenes of poor Marc, Steven and Jake’s time in the asylum, as he’s forcibly medicated, told he can’t go home, and finally, as the Alters refuse to be integrated, and fight for their existence as a system, is forced to endure Electroshocks. (And then, he falls into ANOTHER reality, which may or may not be right outside Marc’s head but still in the astral plane, given that we see him come out of the void as if he had just surfaced from water, but I digress)

Notice, by the way, that Lemire DOESN’T give us a reason for the original disassociation, nor for Jake’s appearance as an Alter. With just the information we have, it could have been the abandonment and lack of acceptance of his family, or something else. The point is that it doesn't STIGMATIZE Marc’s Plurality, nor implies that there's a good or bad reason for that first split. The comic, right now, is not making a judgment about it being good or bad. What is CLEARLY bad is the fact that Rabbi Spector couldn’t accept his son… his sons, really, and the way the hospital tried to “Cure” the boys into what is considered “normal” behavior (Side rant: I HATE the world “normal” to describe people. Even among Neurotypicals there’s no such thing as Normal, but this is not for here and now) THAT is what causes Marc to feel ashamed of his condition, to try and hide as much as he can -and I specify MARC, because later we’ll see that Steven, Jake, and yes, even Captain Spector, have a different view of it. And I mean, Captain Spector was a very late comer to the party!

And yes, I know we ended the last arc with a sort of Integration where Marc was the only one left standing, but that is undone in issue 11. I’ll go on about how it happened WHEN we reach that point in the chronological order, not in the narrative order.

So, going back to chronological.

Marc spends at LEAST 8 years in the hospital, away from his family, under the “loving” care of many doctors including Dr. Emmet (Remember her? Oh, we will discuss about this TERRIBLE doctor later. She may not be a Crocodile Goddess, but boy, her license should’ve been revoked LONG before she got her hands on the boys’s case) , and he’s being allowed to go home temporarily as his father has died and he’ll be sitting shiva. Marc, being older, is no longer wearing his kippah all the time, and packs very lightly for the burial and funeral -which is the ONE and only time we see Wendy Spector.

At the funeral, Wendy says that Marc’s father would’ve been happy to see him, something that Marc really doubts as he knew that his father was embarrassed of him for his condition. As the argument grows, and Wendy mentions that all her husband wanted was for Marc to “get better”, Jake takes over fronting duties, trying to save Marc from being upset, to which Wendy responds as if the whole DiD thing was just Marc “being difficult” and not, you know, real.

I REALLY hate the Spector family as not ONE of them ever supported Marc. It’s at this point where I think that the guys WOULD be better off if Khonshu was REALLY their father and not, you know, just claiming them as their avatar on earth.

Speaking of which “Marc” -possibly Jake pretending to be Marc again to keep Wendy off his back- excuses himself to go to the bathroom, instead goes to his childhood room that has no more posters… but still has his old telescope… and, hearing Khonshu call him from the moon? Runs away, apparently to join the military after lying to his recruiter about his mental health issues.

And here’s where we get to the ONE scene in the Lemire’s run that I feel is deeply problematic and is an absolute W.T.F. moment that comes out of nowhere and has nothing to do with the story. See, Marc spends three years in the Marines in this version of his origin, has two tours in Iraq “mostly peace keeping” (because yeah, Lemire is HIGHLY responsible for cleaning Marc’s past ledger in the form of retcons, and thus making it easy for others to blame Moon Knight’s violence on Jake. I love the man, I love his run, I can’t deny he did this), but has a lot of “bizarre” incidents which culminate with him walking straight into a minefield while getting naked as he’s following the voice of the moon.

Sigh.

Yeah, no excuse for falling to THAT stereotype of someone with a mental condition. And while discussing this, Marc sees Khonshu telling him that he “will give his soul” to Khonshu in order to be “cured”. Because yeah, Rabbi Spector did a number on his son.

In any case, that incident causes Marc to be dishonorably discharged as unfit for duty -a new development as as I said, in the past Marc Spector’s record as a soldier was impressive- but before he can be shipped off back to the USA, and probably to the hospital, Marc runs away AGAIN, this time right into the underbelly of the illegal boxing rings of El Cairo. Because We may be whitewashing Marc’s killing as a soldier and mercenary a little later, but NOT his ability to kick ass when needed. During this time, by the way, Steven and Jake also fronted long enough so that Jean Paul Duchamp, good old Frenchie, has ALSO heard of them, but he still goes and recruits Marc. (And we know Marc is the one fronting during the Boxing matches because ALL this is Marc’s POV, remember? At this point, we’re still under the impression that the Alters were gone in the previous arc)

Working for/with Duchamp, Marc becomes a bounty hunter, and learns Arabic. After they capture a heroin dealer, they call the attention of whom Duchamp calls “the worst of the worst” although also “the one who pays the most”. Who is it? Well, our good ol’ friend Bushman, of course! Frenchie wants nothing to do with him, but Marc, enticed by the idea of a good paycheck, convinces him to at least “listen” to the offer.

Bushman hires them for a job to raid an archeological site and, once again whitewashing Marc’s past as a merc, we have him immediately telling Bushman to remember that the people at the dig are “innocents”, not drug runners or soldiers, solidifying that nope, Marc didn’t kill civilians or innocents before (Because his two tours in Iraq had him only seeing action ONCE, according to the man who discharged him). Not only that, but Marc seems convinced that the man with a SKULL TATTOED ON HIS FACE is “just for show” and won’t kill anyone even as Frenchie INSISTS that he doesn’t like the situation

So yeah, this is also the run that proves that the Moon System has exactly ONE collective braincell, and apparently at that point Jake or Steven had the custody of it and weren’t interested in sharing it.

Obviously, Marlene and her dad are at said archeological dig, and when Marlene tries to fight Bushman, he kills her father. Which is when Marc FINALLY realizes that Bushman is a real murderer and tries to fight back. Bushman, of course, knocks him unconscious, kills everyone except for Marlene and a couple of people who assure him they’ll take him to the Pharaoh Tomb, and kidnaps Frenchie in order to make sure that he flies them in and out the tomb.

When Marc recovers consciousness, he’s in the middle of the desert, with no water, no food and no way to survive. He’s walking without direction, and ready to lay down and die. And this is when Steven and Jake come back to him, assuring him that they never left, and will never leave him. Jake tells him to rest enough because once is night, HE will come for them.

And come he does. In this quite interesting take of the origin, Khonshu Temple APPEARS before Marc, from nowhere (although, of course, this is how Marc sees it, not necessarily the truth) , and Khonshu gives him a choice: “Do you want Death, or do you want life?” and when Marc chooses life, Khonshu tells him that in exchange, he’ll become Khonshu’s: His hands, his eyes, his vengeance, his knight”. Which Marc misheards as “night”, which does NOT amuse our old pigeon (yes, Khonshu’s personality on this run is the closest to the one we see in the series).

Khonshu then picks up Marc to set him on the altar of the temple -this is intermixed with something happening in the present, as Bobby and Billy, the jackal orderlies, and dr. Ammut return, confusing Marc, the readers, and reality itself- And as the “present” gives Marc an electroshock… he wakes up in the Pharaoh Tomb, in front of Marlene, and we get the original origin play out as we remembered.

Which means that at the very least everything we saw from the moment Marc recovered consciousness to this moment? Is how HE remembers Khonshu bringing him back to life, and we finally know WHY he woke up convinced he was now Khonshu’s fist of vengeance.

And yes, again, all the changes from the original story? Where Marc HAD known how dangerous Bushman was and so on? Are easy to explain in the sense that as I’ve been saying? This is just how MARC wants to remember things, and what we saw in the Moench run is the reality, at least as far as his mercenary career went.

(Because, again, if not, Moon Knight’s fighting abilities make NO sense, and Marc would be the most himbo to ever himbo to believe that a Mercenary in the middle of a war zone would JUST threaten to kill people)

Anyway, that is it for the re-imagined origin. I can’t call it a straight retcon because of the nature of the unreliable narrator, and as I mention, as much as I love Lemire? I dislike how he treats Marc’s time as a soldier. I can headcanon all I want about how this is not Marc’s true story, but it’s not actually SAID in paper. So. It’s all theories.

Now, as for what ACTUALLY happens in the series, while Marc is reminiscing about his past? Oh, that is a completely different horse and where Lemire redeems himself HARD after the “I need to get rid of all of you Alters” nonsense.

See, we start with Mr. Knight entering Gena’s diner, as he’s retracing his steps backwards to the hospital, and there, he admits to Gena that he knows that while she’s real in the outside world? Right here she’s his memory of her. That he’s been sick for a long time, and wants to get better and this, all the travel out from the hospital and back? Is his way to find a way to get better. This is when we’re seeing the Rabbi Spector’s flashbacks, by the way, so yeah, Marc is still in the “I have to get rid of my sickness” path.

Leaving Gena, he comes again to meet Anubis and Crawley as Mr. Knight. That is when Anubis tells him that if he retrieves something from the Overvoid that Anubis lost, Anubis will give Crawley back. Despite Crawley’s protests -a stark contrast with how Crawley, seen by Jake, was demanding that his sacrifice wasn’t in vain- this is when Mr. Knight jumps into the Overvoid space and, after crossing his childhood memories of the psychiatric ward torture, lands into what seems a a fantasy world with Egyptian men ride giant insects and are ready to sacrifice him to their gods.

Marc is captured, and that’s when he finds what Anubis lost: Anput, his wife, who is being held as a slave.

Here’s where the reality of this unreality gets a bit iffy, as there’s no reason for Marc to know this, or to add this to his mental narrative really, but given how he came to the place (jumping through his memories and then surfacing into the new reality as if he had crossed a pool of water) this can be the astral plane: Still not the outside world, but not necessarily Marc’s mind. The so called “connection” between the Over void and our plane, that Ellis introduced in his run.

And as he’s going to be sacrificed to the god of that particular plane? He’s rescued by none other than Classic Moon Knight, who, in Marc’s mind space, is specifically Jake. And when Marc says that he thought he had killed him, Jake, in all his absolute Jakeness just replies “You didn’t think you could get rid of us that easily, did you, Spector?”

Seeing Marc and Jake fight back to back? A thing of beauty even as Jake reminds him that they “Need to put their differences aside in order to survive” and that by now, Marc should know that “we” are never alone.

Yes, Jake talks in plural when talking about themselves. Because HE is the part of Marc that understands that they don’t need fixing. They have always been this way, and instead of fighting that? They should embrace it.

(Even if, again, their roles re: how much violence is too much violence have been completely reversed)

AS they fight, Steven does the daring suave hero thing of going and rescuing Anput from her cell. He doesn’t fight at all, and even gets saved by Anput herself at some point, but he IS the one who brings Marc his Mr. Knight mask and for now, we are setting as a pattern that Moon Knight is Jake, and Mr. Knight is Marc, and Steven… Steven brings the refreshments (and again in the color code: Jake and Marc? Dressed all in white. Steven is wearing gray slacks, white shirt and black suit. He is the only one who doesn’t “like it when they see me coming”, because HE is the only one in the system who really, REALLY doesn’t like fighting)

And oh, Captain Spector is ALSO back, ready to provide aerial defense, and a way to go back to Marc’s mind space as he confirms that yes, where they were with Anput was ONE reality, and the Hospital where Marc has to face Khonshu is another. Also, for all of Jake’s talk in plural when they were rescuing Anput, now he and Steven agree that the mission that has to be done, and why they can’t stay and rescue all the other slaves, is Marc’s and Marc’s alone: “You have a job to do” and “You can’t afford to get sidetracked”.

Marc realizes they are not coming with him, and Jake tells him that’s right, because HE, Marc, made sure that they can’t go. Steven is sure that the one who can survive is Marc, and Captain Spector points out that just because they can’t “always” be with him now -because of the whole disappearance before- they will ALWAYS be there when Marc needs them.

This is, by the way, not because they’re integrated or shoved back to the back of the mind space. No. It is because THIS specific trip? Is Marc’s path to acceptance. Neither Jake nor Steven need that, because they have NEVER thought they’re broken or in need of fixing. They know they’re Alters, they know they’re a System, and they’re ok with it. Captain Spector had a traumatic way to face this, but he was also young enough as an Alter -and apparently, under Jake’s specific protection given Jake’s reaction to his original disappearance- that he also has come to accept this easily. HE never had Rabbi Spector telling him he was sick, and it shows.

But Marc? Marc still has to get to that point. And he won’t get there if the others are carrying him. This is a path he has to walk on his own, indeed. As an aside? Look how DAMN happy Marc looks once he is reunited with the rest of his system. It's one of the most gorgeous parts of the art, how we go from Sad, dejected, even defeated Marc, to a Marc that has found his family again.

Marc sends Crawley to Gena and keeps walking into the hospital, now led by Khonshu’s voice who is growing more and more manipulative. He calls Marc his pet, his son, and reminds him that this is the way to get “peace” and the “Cure” Marc has been looking for all his life. The hospital is Marc’s brain, Marc’s “weak” mind, and he is absorbed into it, into a black void with only the Moon, Khonshu’s left eye, for company.

Marc has no patience for that, and destroys the moon -much to Khonshu’s annoyance as he had to do “all those craters” by himself- and then fights his way out of the brain despite Khonshu warning him he’s damaging it more because, in Marc’s words? It’s “too late” to worry about that.

Now, here’s where the flashbacks I summarized before and the action finally merge, and while the Electroshocks given by Dr. Ammut and our orderlies are what “Bring” Marc to life back in the past? In the present they are the ones who bring Marc back to THEMSELVES.

Because after the first shock, he gets the strength to break free, and as Bobby screams that “Spector’s Free”, The SYSTEM replies “Not just Spector! All of us!”

And while sometimes he still speaks of himself in the singular? They also shift into the Plural. Because “WE’ve outgrown you, Khonshu”, they say, as they walk into the final encounter. And Khonshu? Starts referring to them by the three names at the same time, even if we only see one body. Because now we're seeing the System, not Marc, or Steven or Jake, but all of them, co-consciously moving forward.

And that’s when Marc realizes the truth. This? This is not really Khonshu. THIS thing that has been telling him to succumb, to let himself go, to let it drive his body so that Marc doesn’t have to think, to kill his Alters and be the only one who decides to let go? Is “That thing in my mind that is wrong.” Yes, THIS Khonshu is his madness, or, more precisely, the FEAR he had about his condition being wrong, something to be ashamed of. And as he reaches for The Madness’ head (because I refuse to keep calling it Khonshu, as it is NOT him), we get the most incredibly affirming dialogue about mental health in GENERAL I’ve read in a comic. And I say Mental Health in general, because I know it can touch a lot of singlets, but I figure it is much more important to Plurals, and so, I am writing it in full here in case you can’t see the image.

Marc: “I am sick. I know that. I will never be cured. This is always going to be who I am. But I can still live. I can still have a life. And I won’t let you ruin that for me anymore.”

The Madness begs, claims that Marc needs him.

But Marc replies, as the art shifts from him, to Steven, to Jake,

“No Khonshu… I AM Marc Spector. I AM Steven Grant. I AM Jake Lockley. And WE are going to be okay. We are going to live with WHO WE ARE. WE ARE MOON KNIGHT. And WE NEVER NEEDED YOU.”

And with that, they crush the Madness skull head into tiny particles of bone, freeing themselves finally from the fear and the stigma that Rabbi Spector had instilled in Marc so, so long ago.

And as we get back to reality? The inner dialogue of the guys shifts completely to plural, as they admit that they’re still not sure if what they’re feeling at the moment, the quiet, the rain, IS real. But it’s Real enough… “and that’s good enough for US.”

So… yeah. With this we close the BEST run of Moon Knight, even if I have to admit it had some stumbles, and we close on 187 issues of Moon Knight from the first Moench issue to now. How do I know it’s 187? Easy. This is when Marvel decided to run the “Legacy” imprint, ignore all the restarts on all their titles and keep the numbering as if they had never cancelled any book and restarted from zero.

So join me in Part 14, as we start the Bemis run with Moon Knight 188, and we get to see the result of Marc, Steven and Jake’s path to acceptance.

Oh, and the cementing of Jake as the violent one as well as my thoughts about why this was a horrible mistake that becomes quite problematic. But, as I said, that is for part 14.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight Primer #The Moon Knight System #Marc Spector #Steven Grant #Jake Lockley #Khonshu #Not!Khonshu #Crawley #Jean Paul Duchamp #Captain Spector #The Spectors were terrible parents #Jake Lockley is not a violent man #but this is the run that started that particular meme

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