#like turns out that girl has a real tough time at uni and i had it in my head that as usual everything was perfect for her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bluehwale · 1 year

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mythical beings! ateez as your boyfriend

pairing. ateez x reader

genre. mdni, crack! (except for yunho bc it's a forbidden love! trope and i take that seriously) fluff? a dash of angst if you squint. smut (for san bc he's an incubus! rawr)

warnings. MYTHICAL BEINGS INFO INACCURACIES (i'm sorry), grammatical errors SMUT! unprotected sex (don't do this), creampie, corruption kink if you squint, overstimulation, the term 'good girl' lmao, yea i think that's it (it's my first time writing smut don't hv high hopes)

word count. almost 4k whoops i got carried away

note. idk what possessed me when i wrote yunho's part so apologies if it's too long and very much plot-y<3 ++ my brain's still muddled from a week of midterms and im still new to writing so pls lower ur expectations before pressing the keep reading button thanks xx (my asks are always open! ++ feedback would be greatly appreciated)

masterlist

hongjoong — demon

honestly the coolest demon ever

he'd be so nonchalant about his demon activities that it would unsettle you sometimes

"hey babe, just got home?"

"yeah, had an emergency meeting with the devil about potentially crashing heaven's weekly parties, no biggie. how was your day? :-D"

likes to grumble about how hell is so overpopulated that it feels hotter than it actually is

he's just a demon with a tough exterior but that all comes crashing down when he comes back home to your arms

would do ANYTHING to make you happy

one time you were both cuddling on the sofa just absentmindedly enjoying hongjoong's playlist played throughout the house when you suddenly asked,

"joong, aren't demons supposed to have horns?"

he looked at you and thought for a second, "hm, i'm pretty sure only the devil has horns. i guess that's another myth debunked"

you returned his gaze with mock disapointment, jutting out your bottom lip in a pout. "that's a shame. i think it's really hot."

the next day he shows up with a red devil horn headband on his head

...

"joong, what is this--," you let out a laugh when he turns to face you with a serious look on his face

the blush on the apples of his cheeks redden when you continue to laugh with the brightest grin that crinkles your eyes

he doesn't mind that he's making a fool out of himself as long as he gets to see you like this

"they were 50% off in the costume shop!"

he feels a smile creep into his face when you laugh a little bit harder

seonghwa — vampire

you first met seonghwa at a random halloween party

he was surprise surprise !! dressed as a vampire, and you were dressed as kim possible (call me beep me if you wanna reach me)

he just suddenly went up to you and complimented your outfit

so you were like, "thanks!! :-D i like your fangs, they look so real!"

and he just went, "hey thanks! they are real :-D"

"what :-D"

anyways!!! you started dating not too long after that <3

he'd just be one of the most dramatic vampires out there

he's the type to dramatically hiss and cover his face when you draw open the curtains in the morning

"gAaAaaGHh the sun!!!!! i'm burning!!!!!!!!"

and you'd just stand there like ...... "seonghwa you have a morning class today"

(yes, vampire! seonghwa goes to uni)

"can you believe this place doesn't have any vampire-friendly mirrors?? it's 2022!!! D-:<"

:-|

lives and breathes the twilight saga

one time you were walking home together and you noticed his skin sparkling

and no it's not the sun shining on him or the natural glow you'd get from sweat or oily skin because his skin was particularly BLINDING

he was excitedly talking about how his favorite professor complimented him on his recent project when you interrupted him, "hwa, wait a minute--"

three of your fingers swipe at his nape and actual arts & craft glitter came off his skin

"hwa, did you actually try to edward cullen-ficate yourself???"

pink dusted his cheeks and he could only abashedly scoff while trying his hardest to avoid eye contact with you

"psssshhh, what?! noooo,,, aha... what kinda weirdo would do that ahaha, whaaat? that's so weird.."

and then he used his super speed to run back to your shared appartment leaving you to walk back home ALONE >:-(

but besides that, he's super sweet

would let you leave fingerprint stains on his glass cabinets that encase his virginity corner star wars lego collection

HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH OKAY

yunho — angel

he doesn't have a visible halo over his head but everyone just knows that he's an angel

sweetest, purest dude out there

but yunho kinda feels... trapped

his angel wings became this constant admonition that he has to be selfless and to always do "good"

i'd just imagine everyone telling yunho to stay away from you (a fellow angel) because you're labelled as this reckless troublemaker

but he just can't help being interested in you

so he made effort to know you and keep you close and in turn, you taught him that he doesn't have to live in fear of stepping out of the line sometimes

that it's okay to put yourself first

you both would sneak away to earth and pose as humans to have fun and abandon your duties for a while

he finds himself cherishing each and every moment he spent with you; exploring things the other angels would frown upon, but it didn't matter

so it didn't surprise him when he realized that he's utterly in love with you

his angel wings fluttered sporadically when you softly mutter your love to him in reciprocation with the beautiful smile he's known to love

when you made love for the first time, it was filled with shy giggles and soft reassurances because you're each other's firsts

you neither yunho cared about the other angels avoiding you and talking shit about you two. you're both happy and in love!!

but of course, heaven has its rules

and fate hits you with the truth, that you both can't be together, when you're held back from running to your lover that has both fear and tears in his eyes as black ink slowly engulf his once pure angel wings

a fallen angel, that's what they call you both. angels banished from heaven with your memories wiped and your wings rendered useless as compensation for falling in love

"i'll find you," he said. his voice remained sure yet frail in the midst of your own sobs and the chaos surrounding you both, but you heard him loud and clear. his watering eyes take in your trembling state and it breaks his heart to see you cry and try to fight against the restraints keeping you away from him because he knows that guilt is eating you alive

he knows that you blame yourself for letting him in, for falling in love with him, and for bringing this inevitable consequence upon him

but he knows that he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even if it leads to this very same ending

yeosang — fae

a tsundere! fae omg i have the vision i see it

he acts cold and indifferent towards you but all you wanna do is grab his attention!!!!!

as humans and faes don't really get along, your group of friends are different and they kinda disagree with you both interacting

but you don't really care because you mayhaps have a crush on him :3

he's really good with magic

you'd ooh and ahh whenever he does something with his magic and his cheeks would go red while he brushes it off with, "it's nothing" (and you're like no!! it's cool!!! and he would blush harder)

he knows you have a crush on him because a) it's obvious, and b) you've confessed to him multiple times (his replies always start with a "sorry, but.." and you would always reply with "it's okay, i just want to tell you. i'm not asking you to return your feelings:-)"

but lately you're kind of tired with the unreciprocated feelings you have for yeosang because.. well, you just feel pathetic

so one day you made it your mission to stop having feelings for him!!!!!!

yeosang noticed because you would avoid him like the plague

he was walking down the hallway when he saw you and was about to greet you when he saw you run to hide behind a trash can that doesn't even cover your entire figure

he was just like .... ok see you later i guess?

and this continued on for weeks! to the point where he feels down because he doesn't have his favorite human around and maybe because he has a crush on you too

so he dragged his ass to the nearest supermarket for humans and ignored all the weirded stares he got from other shoppers and bought all of your favorite snacks and drinks that are listed at the top of his head

he placed them all nicely in this cute paper bag and left it at the desk you always sit in for one of your shared classes

the happy grin on your face when you peeked at its contents lifted his mood even though you wouldn't know it's from him because he purposely left the sender anonymous in the small note for you

but you immediately know that it's him because you've listed these specific snacks only to him, plus the sweet wording of the note just gave him away (you knew it that he's actually sweet inside, you knew it!!)

anyways,, the reason why yeosang is so hesitant to make a move on you is because relationships between humans and faes are disapproved of:-( he doesn't want you hurt just because you're seen with him

but one day he saw you being circled by a bunch of faes and there's this look on your face that screams 'help!'

he felt his legs move to push his way to get to you before he fully registered on what's going on

one of the faes reached out to shove off yeosang when he put himself in between you and them to protect you. "man, why the fuck are you defending a human?"

"she's my girlfriend."

so yeah all fucks flew out the window that day and you both decided to start dating:-D

he's still into the tsundere act but you like to tease him because this man gets flustered over the tiniest things lmao

you'd like bicker lazily over something and you'd go, "mhm, but you love me don't you?"

and his ears, cheeks, and neck would get so red as if he's got the worst case of asian flush lmao and he'd look around the whole room just to avoid your gaze

"shut up" *still blushing*

san — incubus

you accidentally summoned him when you were trying to sell your soul to the devil in exchange for a 4.0 gpa

he just suddenly appeared on top of your coffee table lying down on his side with his elbow propping up his head

and you just kinda went, "ok great, how do we do this thing? do i have to sign papers or smth???"

he just looks at you all confused like ??? we don't need any of those, we can just fuck

and you're like WHAT! >:-o and he's like ... what do you expect from summoning an incubus? :-|

"A WHAT???"

anyways, the misunderstanding was set straight and san sheepishly asked if he could stay over for just 1 night because he can't go back to hell just yet

(he can actually go back to hell just fine but he just can't bring himself to face incubi! ateez's teasings for being rejected for the first time ever)

and you thought hm why not

he somehow stayed over for more than just that one night and then you guys fell in love!!!

it all started after the first night when you cooked pancakes for breakfast

san groggily woke up from the couch when he smells the strangely appetizing scent of whatever you're making

"oh great, you're awake! good morning!" you greet, while the raven haired boy dazedly blinks at your sight bustling in the kitchen before letting out a raspy 'morning' in return

you hear his feet clad in the thick fuzzy socks you lent him pitter patter against the hardwood floors as he made his way towards you with a yawn, "what are you doing?"

"i'm making us breakfast :-)"

demons don't eat actual food but san would hate to see your smile falter even the tiniest bit at his rejection of this unfamiliar food that you call 'pancakes'

his plate of pancake is cutely decorated with fresh berries and a smiley face drawn with maple syrup on top of the first layer of pancake

(he can't help but smile when you impatiently gesture at him to take a bite while your own plate of pancakes sit in front of you, forgotten)

you show him how to use his cutleries properly and he finally eats a bite of the pancake

"is it good?" you ask nervously, wide eyes waiting to catch his reaction

his eyebrows furrow as he shut his eyes at the pleasant sweetness overcoming his taste buds, "oh my god, i could eat this every day. are you a professional chef or something?"

your eyes sparkle as you grow flustered over his compliment, replying with a timid 'no' and san thinks you just might be sweeter than the maple syrup coating his tongue

he's the sweetest bf ever; would exaggerate his reactions at anything you do because it would elicit a cute giggle that would bring a smile to his face

but yknow

don't forget that he's an incubus

"You're doing so good for me."

San likes it when you're laid out all bare underneath him, hair fanned out prettily on the bed, with your cheeks flushed and your eyes threatening to flutter shut.

"Baby," he taps lightly against your cheek, momentarily distracting you away from the heavenly feeling of him dragging against every inch of your walls as he continues to snap his hips to meet yours. "Hey, eyes on me."

A whine spills out of your lips as you try and fail to force your eyes open, back arching and eyes rolling back instead, earning a tsk from San as he continues to bury his cock deeper by forcing your aching thighs apart and against your chest.

His thumb caresses your swollen clit lightly, your eyes immediately widening as you gasp at the overstimulation from the previous orgasms he's taken just from eating you out. Your body trembles as you wail underneath him, reaching out to grip his arm that prevents your thighs from closing shut. San groans when he feels your pussy clench tightly around him.

"There you are," he lazily smirks, cupping your cheek and giving you a peck on the lips when he finds that your dazed gaze is on him. "Fuck, you look so pretty like this."

"So wet, so tight, so pretty for me," his measured thrusts turns harsh as he fucks up into your dripping cunt with your moans and bouncing tits egging him on.

"I'm- I'm gonna cum!" you cry out as San fondles your clit, reveling in the tight grip of your pussy and the dirty words that come out of your sweet mouth as you gush uncontrollably around his cock.

San groans loudly as his hips sloppily thrusts a few more times before he fills you up with his second load of the day, twitching and spurting his thick warm cum inside you as he holds you while he comes down from his high.

He slips his softening cock out of your battered pussy, cream immediately leaking from your centre and dripping down your ass and inner thighs as you whine at the loss.

"God," San moans as he drags two of his fingers over your weeping cunt, his other hand softly pressing against your lower belly. He slides his fingers over your dripping slit, gathering his cum leaking from your hole to your clit, rubbing and pinching.

With a cry, your thighs shake as tears well up in your eyes at the feeling of another orgasm that washes over you, swollen cunt clenching around nothing that has his cum oozing out of you. You whimper at the overstimulation, batting away his hand that continues to brush over your inner thigh.

San pulls you into a tender kiss as he gently caress your cheek and finally leans back to catch his breath. His eyes glaze over your fucked out state and he smiles at the fond look you give him.

"Such a good girl," he softly praises, carefully cleaning you up with the warm cloth he took from the bathroom. You hum in reply, shutting your eyes with a content smile at your lips. You can't see him, but he grins anyways.

"I'm a lucky man."

mingi — werewolf

i kid you not, this mf would deadass unashamedly howl in public at random

"it's who i am, yn."

are you embarrassed? yes.

will you ever let him know that you feel absolutely mortified whenever strangers stare at you after your boyfriend basically barked?

never.

he might be a big ! absolutely not bad ! werewolf but he's actually so soft >:-( especially for you

gives the best hugs

he's just so big and warm which is why you always look for him to cuddle

gives the funniest reactions like fr,, which is why you LOVE to tease him

"mingi," "mhm?" "...you know that i'm always here for you right? i.. i won't judge if you,,, idk, want to keep your ears and tail in your human form--" "yn, for the last time, I'M NOT A FURRY"

omg you showed him the werewolf ripping shirt meme and he went error 404 because he doesn't know whether he should laugh or cry ("YN IS THIS HOW HUMANS SEE WEREWOLVES???? SOB")

would embody jacob's iconic lines from twilight

"bella ¬‿¬ where the hell have you been loca? ¬‿¬"

"..."

but yeah he's such a playful boyfriend but also has his sensitive moments

and he's such a sappy romantic

would randomly bring home a bouquet of flowers for you

"what's this for? i'm pretty sure our anniversary was two months ago"

"just passed by a florist and i thought of you :-)"

"also, our anniversary was three months ago, OH MY GOD YN HOW COULD YOU FORGET" "I'M SORRY, IT WAS JUST A MISCALCULATION!!!"

yeah don't mess with the math genius! werewolf because he will correct you in any chance he gets

(i'm so sorry idk anything about werewolves so i can't really take this seriously T_T)

wooyoung — mermaid

found out he can grow legs whenever his tail dries and that's how he ventured to land!

he's always been interested with humans so when he saw you hanging around in the beach one day, it was love at first sight

he gets so excited over every human activity, it's endearing

"woah, what is that?? :o" "oh, that's a guy riding a bike" "what's a bike?"

endless questions about anything human related but you patiently answer each and every one of them

you're basically his tour guide

you introduced him to movies and his favorite is the little mermaid

he's so serious about it

like literally you have to remind him to blink because he would not let his gaze stray from your tv

"ariel is so me. minus the overprotective dad. and the 6 sisters. and ursula. and probably the talking fish and crab"

"how can the evil sea witch be so EVIL? THIS IS CRUEL"

"hey i want a pet dog like max! :0"

"ERIC JUST KISS THE FUCKING GIRL--"

would 100% reenact the fork hair brushing scene

would also 100% tell secrets about the ocean to you

"yeah the bermuda triangle thing? it's a lair to this one mean kraken"

but sometimes he would say the most untrue stuff ever like

"aquaman is real." "no he's not, woo. he's a dc superhero" "no, really, he's real. we've raced against each other once or twice" "mhm, whatever you say"

loves to watch the sunset in the beach with you with his head on your lap, your fingers running through his hair, and his toes curled in the sand

he likes it. a lot.

but he has to make sure that he doesn't touch wet sand because poof his tail would pop out

likes to chill in your bathub with the end of his tail flapping water at you

also likes to swim with you in the ocean late at night, when no one's around, with his arms wrapped around your waist and sneaking in atleast a hundred kisses while you giggle because the scales of his tail tickles your legs

the cutest mermaid! boyfriend ever

jongho — demigod

would bet my left kidney that he'd be the son of apollo or athena

but let's go with apollo because his vocals man goddamn

anyways

you're the child of nike, the goddess of victory

jongho sees you around a lot in camp half-blood, you're well known because of your bright and outgoing personality that almost everyone gravitate towards

your peers, jongho included, also admire you for your bravery in battles. although he's never been in one let alone see you fight in an actual life-or-death situation, he sees enough from how you always gracefully win capture the flag with a infectious grin on your face

unlike you, he likes to keep to himself at most times, preferring to spend his time alone to write music or poetry

which is why it's hard for him to muster up the courage to try and be your friend

he didn't dwell on it for too long, accepting that maybe he's just meant to stand at the sides and admire from afar when it comes to you

one night, he was in his usual secret spot; a small clearing near the lake with a hammock tied between two towering trees hidden from sight, when you stumbled into his view with tear stained cheeks

"oh, uh, i'm sorry," you sniffled, rubbing your nose with the paws of your sweater. "i didn't think anyone would be here. i'll go--"

"you can stay. i don't mind."

and that's how you go on to tell him about how battles leave a toll on you and this is your way of taking a break once in a while

he listened to you attentively, actually paying attention to what you have to say and even wiped your tears with the sleeve of his hoodie

that night was then filled with genuine laughter as jongho tried his hardest to cheer you up

"but in all seriousness, i'm here for you. whenever you need me."

it started a whole routine of you both meeting up every single night in that spot to either talk about everything all at once or to just enjoy each other's presence in a comfortable silence

he eventually shares his writings with you and you kinda went, "dang i'm in love with you"

and he's like ★_★ omfg no way

he's the type of bf who doesn't outwardly show his affection for you but makes up for it by caring about you down to the most trivial miniscule detail about you

definitely an act of service guy

would stop by the training grounds where you are when it's raining with an umbrella at hand

"come here, you'll get sick" "i'm the child of the goddess of victory, jongho" "doesn't mean you can't get sick!!!! ＼(º □ º l|l)/"

you ask him to sing for you all the time because his voice is soothing and he would blush whenever you compliment him hehe

the other kids at camp would stare enviously at you two holding hands while skipping to your designated spot because wow you two are so in love and everyone wants that kind of relationship

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weirdlyfitting · 1 year

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I've seen ant man and the wasp quantumania anddddd I HAVE THOUGHTS EEEEEE

Conclusion : it's decent 💖✨️

Thoughts :

spoilers below obvi >:)

This movieeeee IS OKAY. Not as bad as multiverse of madness because for fucking finally NO CAMEOS OH MY GODDD! And yeah this an ant man movie not a kang movie, take notes multiverse of madness!!!

I was genuinely concerned with how the movie would turn out to be cause what the fuck is that rotten tomatoes rating bro 😭 but when i watched it, no??? This does not deserve THAT bad whatttt

Also little sharing here i'm almost late when the intro started rolling 😭😭 i was having uni class until 4 and the movie started at 4 goddamn pass 15 AND MY LOCAL CINEMA TOOK KILOMETERS PLUS IT STARTED RAINING 😭 I WAS TRULY IN A RUSH LMAOOO, once i got into the ground floor of my uni i still had to rush out to the basement USING THOSE STAIRS oh my god lmaoo

Aight back into it i was already prepared if scott or anybody's going to die ngl but i'm also genuinely shocked that NONE OF THEM DIED???? GODDAMN THESE FAMILY RULESSSS

Another surprise is that sidekick girl and the civilization?? (Idk/forgot what they called i'm sorry 😭) brooo i love them all!! When i saw the trailer promos i expect i'd get bored but holy crap these characters really are survivors and they're NOT BORING at all! Still missing luis and the bois tho :')

Ohhh another thing i noticed (for why it's good) is at least, AT LEAST it has a consistent theme, THIS IS A FRIGGIN HEIST MOVIE.

Time is kinda like another theme that sadly tho took the spotlight here, and suddenly i miss doctor strange so much lmao :( i really feel that quantimania should have these emotional moments AS EMOTIONAL in doctor strange, i mean it's also my favorite movie soooo 👉👈

Ugahgsgsgs i wished this kang learn those "we don't get to choose our time" scene from doctor strange, especially the quote "it's not about YOU", imagine how pissed off he'd be lmaooo 😩😩

Oh yea i forgor to talk abt modok, naw man because WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 😭😭

I am.....

Absolutely horrified 😀

Also he's annoying as hell like leave scott and cassie alone bro what 😭 then he's like "idk what i'm going to be" like- okay bro that's really sad but...so random?? 😭😭 what's all that abt from the first movie huh 😔

Mmmm there's also janet which HOLY CRAP MOMMY?!?!? I thought that she USED to work together with kang as in she choose to do it that way but noooo, as she saw the chaos and monstrosity from kang she backed up and wasn't even hesitate to join in, like after all those times that's it right in front of her is a ticket to home, but she knew better and she's an icon frrrr 🥺💖💖

I think hank and hope could've had more character development but i'm okay with what i got, i think it's more of a support player?? I'm really glad to know that janet had both hope and hank because they both are what she needed and she is what they both needed.

And then we got scott and cassie ehehehe!! Ngl scott, he's the real daddy like when he's dissapointed yes he is but- my god he's just soooo kind??? His daughter went to jail and in the end still could ease the situation with playing his audiobook in the radio car 😭😭💖 i don't blame cassie tho cause ehh she's a teen and is a blip survivor those are a very tough times :(

Anddd oh yea that final battle...

Scott oh my fucking god somebody help him pleaseee😭😭😭😭😭 i'm genuinely so terrified like NO, NO GET UP, FUCKING GET UP SCOTT YOU GOT THIS 😭

I was expecting a cliffhanger ending but oh well family dinner lol, for a starting of phase 5 i'm pretty fine by the use of these lighter tones in some scenes like this, before the dinner scott was having some overthinking moments yet he decided to not think abt it too much lmao, that's just scott being scott jajajajjaa

Anddd lastly THE post credit scenes!!!!

I DID NOT EXPECT IT'D BE THIS GOOD HOLY SHITTT

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME ALL OF THESE KANGS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCKKK

AND HOLY FRICKITY FUCK RAMA TUT??!??!?!?! DOES THIS MEANS MOON BOIS WILL BE BACK?!?!?!?! FUCK IT HELL YEAH THEY'LL BE BACK IDC IDC IDC GIVE ME MY MOON BOIS KEVIN OH MY GODDDD

I WAS GENUINELY SHOCKED I WANNA SCREAM SO BADLY 😭😭😭🤌🤌

This is so insane cause before i watched the movie me and my friend were indeed expecting a rama tut appearance but we didn't have high hopes for this to even happen 😭😭 HOLY FUCK THAT PRAYING CIRCLE WORKED-

ANYWAY FOR THE SECOND POST CREDIT SCENEEE

I literally jumped at my seat and said "HUH LOKI??!?!?!?" 😭😭😭 my cousin was so confused cause she hasn't watch loki lmaoo

I WAS SO HAPPY CAUSE HOLY SHIT A LOKI S2 CLIP PLAYED IN THEATER?!?!? THIS IS MOBIUS' THEATRICAL DEBUT HOLY SHIT YASSSSSS

Aight maybe that's it??? I'm really tired on writing these y'all i'm sorry bhahahah

#ant man and the wasp quantumania #ant man and the wasp quantumania spoilers #mcu

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theonewiththefanfics · 3 years

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Thick And Thin (one-shot)

Synopsis: He never thought his wife would ever even think about divorce. They had problems, which is why they were at marriage counselling. But he never knew her heart had broken a long time ago. And he’d been the one to break it before they even got together.

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: aaaaaaannnnggggssssttt baby, just wanted to write something that’d rip your heart out :)

Warnings: swearing, pain, kinda depressive (??), can’t think of anything else really, but please let me know if there is, also not my best work lol :D

Word count: 7102 (let’s start off the New Year with loads of pain :) )

Italics are flashbacks

“I want a divorce.”

Never in Harry’s life did he think he’d have to hear those words. Not after everything they’d been through, not after all of the effort he’d been putting in to save their relationship.

Those words had not only stunned him but their marriage councillor, the woman’s mouth open mid-word, as she tried to comprehend what was happening. Harry was fairing even worse. It was like his brain was short-circuiting, synapses broken and no longer sending any signals.

“Mrs Styles, I know it’s difficult,” the therapist tried to diffuse the situation. “But the reason you’re here is to avoid this specifically.”

“I don’t remember how you smell anymore,” Y/N continued not listening to the woman, voice like a black void, but her Y/E/C eyes rimmed with tears. “Or taste. I don’t remember how it feels to have you pressed up against me or what it’s like to hear your voice. I… I don’t have anything to cling onto anymore.”

“It’s why we're here!” he cried through clenched teeth, slipping on his knees before her, hands grasping Y/N’s in a vice-like grip. “It’s why we’re trying.”

The laugh she let out was detached and without any love. “We tried it your way, Harry.” She’d never called him Harry before. It was always Lover. “And it’s not working for me. It hasn’t from the start. We’re… we’re so unhappy. And I don’t want that for you or for me. We deserve happiness. But I don’t think we can give that to one another anymore.” She took in a shaky breath, looking down at Harry’s hands in her lap. “When I thought of it, at first I felt horrible. I wanted to throw myself off somewhere, but the more I sat on that thought, the more relieved I felt.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, didn’t want to believe it. “Relieved?” The word felt like acid in his mouth.

“Yes,” she nodded. “Relieved. Because this choice won’t make us hurt one another anymore. This gives us a chance to have a fresh start.”

“I don’t want a fresh start! We said – we said through thick and thin.” He was grasping onto the last straw he could find. “This is the thin, but we’ll get through it.”

“Harry, I already broke through the thin. And now I’m drowning. And when the thick comes, I’ll either be frozen under it and watch you walk further, or I’ll surface somewhere, and I don’t know on which side of the shore I’m gonna be on and where you’ll be. And if you try to get me, you’ll start drowning too. I don’t want that.”

“But that’s what marriage is! Going through the tough shit together!”

“Harry… I already asked Lionel to draw up the papers. The first draft is done.”

His blood froze in his veins.

“When you said to sit down and write one thing that makes me happy about the relationship,” Y/N was looking at the therapist now, “about the person, I – I couldn’t. Because I kept thinking back to the start, to the beginning. That’s what made me happy. But now…” She glanced at Harry. “If there was one thing, I couldn’t do to you, not in a moment like this, is lie. I just… I don’t remember how to be happy with you.”

***

They’d started out as the cliché of best-friends-lose-contact-only-to-be-reunited-and-not-let-their-chance-pass-by-and-fall-in-love. She was ten when she’d moved in next door to him and he was twelve when he’d seen the three vans full up to the house, a little girl hopping out from one of them. Harry watched as she rushed up the doorstep and put in a key, unlocking it and a new chapter of her life with it. Little did he know she’d unlocked a new chapter of his life as well.

She was the new kid at school, and despite the fact that he was a year above, he sat down next to her at lunch.

“ ’M ‘arry,” he said through a mouthful of a sandwich. “Saw you move in yesterday.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m Y/N.”

And that was the start of a blooming friendship.

On her eleventh birthday, he gave her a handmade bracelet. She gave him a kiss on the cheek as a thank you, making Harry blush all shades of pink and red.

He was thirteen when he had his first real kiss on his birthday. Y/N had simply tried to peck him on the cheek, but he’d turned his head, and her mouth had ended up on his. She’d walked away with a shy smile and ears on fire.

She was thirteen when a boy first asked her out. Harry was the first person she told him about it. That was the first time his heart broke.

When he was fifteen, he got his first girlfriend. Y/N was fourteen when her heart broke for the first time.

And then he'd gone on X-factor and with that forgotten about her. She called him, texted him, messaged him on social media, but usually, she’d maybe get only one picture or a small ‘miss you too’ as a response. So, after a whole year apart, she gave up. What was the point of trying to save anything when he didn’t want to?

He moved on and became an international superstar. Y/N moved on and graduated top of her class, got into her first-choice university, and graduated with a first as well. He had some relationships here and there, while Y/N had had a steady relationship since the second year of uni, but when she decided to go to a different one for her masters they amicably broke up.

Eight years later she was sitting at a café in London, laughing with her ex-boyfriend and catching up, as he explained how what Criminal Minds showed wasn’t really what was taught in his criminology degree classes.

“I’m still saying I dated real-life Spencer Reid,” Y/N chuckled, sipping on her gingerbread latte. “Don’t give a shit, I need something to flex with.”

Harry had then walked inside the café, shaking off the snow from his boots when a familiar laugh he hadn’t heard in ages invaded his senses. It was almost like he’d stepped into a dream.

When his green eyes befell on the owner of the voice, he had to take a double-take. Somehow in his brain, he’d expected the fifteen-year-old teenager, a t-shirt of his face on her body, as she’d cheered him on when he’d gone onto his first concert as part of One Direction to be sitting in the chair, not the grown-up woman.

He’d still checked in with Y/N through what she posted on her social media, but as much as he’d promised not to have the celebrity life sweep him away, it had. Harry sometimes had two concerts a day, and he barely had a moment to take a bite of food. And he hated to admit it, but Y/N simply slipped from his life. And he didn’t bother to put in the effort to pull her back.

A huge wave of guilt and longing rushed through his body as he glanced at the woman, her face lit up by joy as she and the man before her continued on with their conversation.

Someone tapped on his shoulder, making him turn around and face another customer. “You gonna order anything?”

For a moment Harry stuttered. He could walk away without inserting himself back into Y/N’s life, but he didn’t want that. He’d missed her. Harry didn’t even realise how much he’d missed her.

“You go ahead.” He motioned with his hand. “I’m still thinking.”

Harry took in a deep breath and then walked towards where the pair was sitting.

The man’s eyes flitted up to see who was towering over Y/N, only for them to widen, and his mouth hang open.

A sense of pride filled Harry's chest at the reaction and maybe quenched a little bit of the jealousy invading his body. He used to be the one who made Y/N laugh until she had to tell him to stop or she’d pee herself. He was back to take up the role.

“You okay there, Dan?” she chuckled. “Don’t tell me there’s a ghost behind my back. I told him not to walk out of the flat wit –“ Y/N had turned around and almost choked on her drink. “Oh my god, Harry! Oh – hi!” She jumped up hugging him, feeling how his body shook with laughter at her reaction, strong arms weaving around her middle. “Holy shit, it’s really you!”

“Yeah, ‘s me. Who else?”

“I didn’t know you were back in the UK.”

A warmth spread through his chest, as he reluctantly pulled away from the hug. “Been checking in on me?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, sitting back down, but pulling up a third chair for Harry to sit upon. “Dan’s a huge fan.” She motioned with her head to the man. “When we first started dating, I thought he was only doing it because we used to be friends, and he hoped I’d set you up or something.”

Harry masked the choke of envy by clearing his throat and letting out an awkward chuckle. “Hope I’m not interrupting a date or something.”

“A catch-up date, but not a date date.” Dan lifted his brows at Y/N, who gave him a ‘don’t start this’ look to which he threw up his hands in surrender. “I’m just making conversation.”

“You’re being annoying, that’s what you are.” Y/N flicked a crumb from the table towards him.

It was in that moment that it truly hit how much he’d missed, and it hit him hard he no longer knew the person who once was his best friend.

“You’re different,” Harry said, looking over at her trying to keep the lump in his throat from making his voice break.

Y/N shrugged, eyes twinkling. “I mean it has been almost a decade. I do hope I don’t look the same as I did then. Otherwise, the pain of braces was of no use.”

“No,” he chuckled shaking his head. “’S not that… It’s like you’re a different person.”

“I grew up,” she said, sipping on the last bits of her drink. “ ’M not the same fifteen-year-old you saw last.”

He nodded and bit his lip. But the thing was, Harry wasn’t the stupid sixteen-year-old that left the fifteen-year-old her either. This time, he wouldn’t let the chance at happiness pass him by when he could’ve had it all along.

***

He sat across from Y/N at the large marble table and watched, heart bleeding out in his chest as she put her signature on the papers, her attorney fishing out something from his briefcase and handing it to her under the table. He saw her shoulders shudder before she placed a maroon rectangle with a golden inscription on it in her own purse. Harry wanted to vomit. It was her new passport, where her surname no longer matched his, where he no longer existed, inscribed into the document as her spouse.

“Mr Styles?” Y/N’s lawyer pushed the papers his way, the pen laying atop them. “’S your turn.”

‘Your turn’, as if it was a game of spin the bottle or UNO.

“Don’t make me,” he choked out, pleading with Y/N one last time. “Please don’t make me do this. Don’t make me give up on us.”

Her words were worse than a knife to his soul. “You can’t give up on something that’s no longer there.”

When they’d been at the stage of negotiation, he’d kept pushing for giving her at least half of his income, to give her one of the houses they owned together, but she’d turned everything down.

“I didn’t marry you for your money, Harry.” He’d expected her voice to be full of venom, but it wasn’t. It was sad, resigned. “I don’t want what you’ve earned.”

“Let me give you at least something.”

“I don’t want anything from you. If it makes you feel any better, you can donate whatever amount you wanted to give me. I don’t care. All I want from this is for you to sign the papers.”

“And if I can’t?”

Y/N sighed, looking down at the table. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

That’s when her attorney had cleared his throat. “Mrs Sty – Y/L/N. Legally, according to the prenup, you are entitled to half of Mr Styles estate as well as twenty percent of all his earnings.”

But Y/N just shook her head. “I only signed those documents because that’s what he and his agent wanted. I never asked for it or anything or the sort. Donate it, for all I care. Buy a new house, Harry I literally don’t want to know what you do with your money.” Y/N took in a sharp breath and calmed herself down. It’d been the first time Harry had heard any sort of emotion from her since she'd spoken those horrible words. “I just want this over with.”

And now, he was at the moment of the end. He just never thought their story would end with broken hearts and ripped up futures.

His handwriting was barely legible at best of times, but right now it seemed as if a toddler had tried to forge it with how much his hand shook. When the pen dropped, so did his shoulders, and he saw Y/N’s drop as well.

Harry’s with weight from the love lost, Y/N’s with relief, for now their broken hearts wouldn’t hurt one another no longer.

His lawyer handed him over a new passport as well, where Y/N was no longer written as his spouse. The urge to rip it to shreds was almost uncontainable. He hated it more than the divorce papers.

***

They’d been dating for a little over two years when he decided to propose, only every plan he had was miserably ruined by some outside force.

The first time he’d decided he’d do it at a romantic dinner. Harry had found out Y/N wasn’t a fan of huge romantic gestures, so he wouldn’t get on one knee and draw everyone’s attention. He’d simply take her hand in his, kiss her fingers and ask.

But as they’d sat at the table enjoying their meal and talking, he noticed Y/N become quieter and quieter. A frown morphed on his face.

“You alright, Lovie?”

“Umm,” Y/N’s brow creased even more, and she dropped her fork. “I umm I don’t know. ‘M feeling kind of funky?”

“What’dya mean?”

“I – “ Y/N opened her mouth but didn’t manage to get anything else out as she jumped up and rushed towards the ladies room.

Harry quickly dropped his own utensils and rushed after her, not bothering with the yells of the woman who was looking at herself in the mirror, while his girlfriend threw up her guts inside one of the toilets.

A member of the staff had run to see what all the commotion was about, but when he saw Y/N half inside a stall, half outside, Harry’s hands keeping her hair away from her face, he went back out and immediately grabbed the first aid kit they had in the kitchen, handing it to Harry along with a cold wet towel.

Y/N shuddered, leaning against the stall wall sweat glistening on her face, as he pressed the damp cloth against her skin. She gave him half a smile. “Told you not to get the shrimp.”

“I’ll get the cab, Lovie.” He smoothed away the once meticulously styled hair, which was now stuck to her damp skin.

But she shook her head. “Not yet.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m about to puke again.”

In the end, she threw up two more times, her stomach really not agreeing with the entrée. The waiters kept apologising the whole time, and the chef had stopped cooking, the restaurant immediately taking action and refunding everyone who’d ordered anything with shrimps in them.

When they’d gotten back home, Y/N was so tired and felt so sick, Harry could only help her get out of the dress, clean her up with a warm towel and wrap her up in her favourite pyjamas before curling up together on his bed and falling asleep, making sure if there was a moment, she felt nauseous again, he was by her side. She needed his help more than he needed to propose.

***

He threw himself into his work like a madman. Day and night, he was either at a studio, on a filming lot, in between meetings or interviews. The media buzzed about how his marriage had fallen apart, even though Y/N hadn’t made a statement or spoken a word to anyone, and neither had Harry. But he guessed the emptiness of his ring finger gave everything away.

He refused, however, to speak on it. As painful as it was, he was still in love with Y/N. She hadn’t chosen to be in the spotlight, it was Harry’s world, not hers, so he respected her decision to be quiet and remained so himself, save for one single post his management had asked for him to put up. It'd also been the last time he'd spoken to her.

All he received was a simple text message 'do what you have to do'.

A couple of months down the line though, something came up, and Harry couldn’t keep his tongue behind his teeth.

It was an article in The Sun, a photograph of Y/N plastered all over the front page with the words ‘Gold-digger Y/L/N finally seen out after divorce with Harry Styles.” He’d snatched the paper right off the stand and flipped it open, frantic green eyes scanning the words.

‘Despite it only being two months since the two childhood ex-best friends broke up, Y/N Y/L/N was already seen in the company of a man, sharing a drink, and giving one another flirtatious smiles. An inside source tells us, how she hadn’t even been that upset about the divorce and has been going out and having fun with many male companions, one of them being her ex-boyfriend from university times.’

‘Harry Styles, known for his time in the pop boyband One Direction and for his solo endeavours in music as well as dabbling in acting, broke everyone’s belief in true love after being seen in public without a ring. This prompted an announcement that the four-year relationship and two-year marriage to who was once his best friend had ended and the two had decided to get a divorce. Although the post showed a picture of their silhouettes holding one another with their foreheads together, and his statement showed nothing but love and respect for his then-wife, sources say Y/N had been controlling and obsessive over her then-husband and hadn’t wanted him to leave to pursue his career, stifling his growth.’

He didn’t bother to read any further, as he pulled out his phone, calling Jeff immediately to figure out how to make all of it go away, how to do at least one thing right.

“They’re dragging her name through the mud!” he sneered, not even caring he was bumping shoulders with people, and if the paparazzi would dare spin a story of the state he was in at that moment, he’d sue each and every one of them personally. “I have to do something. Fuck, Jeff, I love her! I can’t let them paint her like this. Y/N – “ he choked back a lump. “She never asked for this. Didn’t ask for anything. And that man – that was Dan, okay. I know him. Yes, he’s her ex, but they don’t know anything!”

“Harry I’ve sent them cease-and-desist letters already.” Jeff tried to ease him. “But… she’s no longer your concern Har.”

The words hit him like a bullet and ripped a hole in his chest just like one of them would. “You might still love her,” Jeff’s voice was solemn. “But Y/N is no longer yours to protect.”

“I can’t just let them talk shit about her,” Harry whispered back.

His friend sighed on the other side of the line. “I know. Which is why we’ll deal with it. But you have to start letting her go.”

***

The second time Harry wanted to propose was about a month later, and Christmas was right around the corner. They’d decided that Christmas Eve would be spent with his sister, her boyfriend and Anne, while Christmas Day they’d go to Y/N’s side of the family.

Although they’d settled on one gift each, Harry had been carrying around that small box for what felt like an eternity. And it wouldn’t really be a gift, given how he’d wrap it and hang it in the tree.

“It’s an ornament,” he’d say to her, a smug smile on his lips, as Y/N would roll her eyes at him. “Just because it has your name on it, doesn’t mean it’s immediately a present.”

And then she’d open it, and would gasp, and Harry would slide down on his knee, press a kiss to her ring-free finger before asking that fateful question.

But just like before, his plan didn’t come to fruition.

He’d asked his mother to hang up the little box, so there was no chance of Y/N seeing it in his hands, but what he hadn’t thought of was Gemma’s boyfriend had decided on the exact same plan of action.

When Michal had dropped down on his knee, Harry’s sister’s trembling hand in his, he couldn’t do that to them. As much as he wanted to marry Y/N, he couldn’t take away Gemma’s moment. So while Y/N was preoccupied with looking at the gleaming diamond on Gemma’s finger, Harry plucked down the box from where it’d hung and placed it on the side no one could see, before he could put it in his bag.

“ ’M sorry, honey,” Anne had said to him over coffee the next morning. “I didn’t know Michal would do that.”

He’d just shaken his head, no hurt in his heart. “Great minds think alike. Our moment will come. ‘M happy for Gem. Besides, if he hadn’t done that anytime soon, I would’ve needed to have a stern talking.”

***

What his sister said to him made him think he had to be living in a simulation, because it couldn’t be true. Y/N couldn’t be getting married. Not this soon. Not ever. Not to someone who wasn’t him. It had been barely a year since he’d signed the death sentence to his own happiness.

Harry shook his head. “You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying, Gem.”

“I’m not.” Her voice broke as she said it. “I saw her at a café. Saw the ring… the man who gave it to her. Harry, I’m so sorry.”

His mind reeled with questions he wasn’t sure he wanted answers to. Was that why she’d really divorced him? Had she been cheating on him and just needed an excuse out of their relationship to jump into the new one? He was away so much on their relationship, he wouldn’t have been surprised if someone else had swooped in and tried to win her heart.

Harry’s mind was one of the greatest things he’d been blessed him, but also one of the worst curses bestowed upon him, as it weaved a story of Y/N and the man who’d now put a gleaming ring on her finger.

He was away, like always, doing something he could do another time. She was on her own, keeping their bed warm with just her body, fighting for their relationship on her own, while he made plans once more to go to a different part of the world and leave her behind again.

Y/N pulled herself out of the bed, sighing and rubbing her face. She opened their closet only to be greeted with Harry’s half empty. Maybe that was the moment she decided to find someone who’d fill it and wouldn’t leave it permanently empty, Harry conjured up.

She’d dress in a soft jumper and some jeans, a large cardigan hanging over her body and would go to a café for her morning drink. And that’s where she’d meet him. The stranger that would take her out of the lonely life she’d been living. The stranger that would make a smile bloom on her face and her heart stutter once more. The stranger who would show her the love Y/N deserved to have.

Harry had to shake his head to get rid of the thoughts before they ventured into a worse territory.

No. Y/N wasn’t like that. No matter what, she would never cheat on him. She had enough dignity for herself and respect for him, even though in his own mind, Harry didn’t think he deserved it.

Although he didn’t have a right to, nor was it the sanest move (and if someone saw him doing it, there would probably be a slew of articles), Harry got into his car and drove to where Y/N’s apartment was, and when she opened the door after hearing seven loud knocks, he stepped inside without even waiting for her to invite him.

“You’re getting married?”

She crossed her arms. “It’s none of your concern.”

“It’s been barely a year! I refuse to believe you’ve moved on so fast.”

Maybe he was kidding himself, and Y/N truly had, but as much as their marriage had fallen apart, he did have the honour of having known her and having figured some things out deeper than others would.

Y//N scoffed. “I was proposed to. And I said yes.” The words were like venom entering his veins. “If I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t have agreed to it. And as I already said – it is none of your concern.”

Harry stood there, watching as she dragged a hand down her face, eyes flitting everywhere he wasn’t. It told him everything he needed to know.

“You’re not happy,” he whispered stepping forward and reaching for her hand. “I know how you shine when you’re truly happy. This isn’t it. Why are you doing this?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

Harry was so confused, at a complete loss at what Y/N was saying. “So, you’ll what? Get married to him and be miserable? Why the hell did you divorce me then?”

Y/N sighed. “Being unhappy with him isn’t as unbearable as being unhappy with you. Because with you, I know what it feels like to truly fully loved. Which is why it broke me when you stopped.”

“I never stopped!” Harry whisper yelled, anger coursing through his veins at her words, because they were lies. “Why do you think I dragged us to marriage counselling? Why do you think I kept fighting for us? For you?! You were the one that gave up!”

“You weren’t there when I needed you.”

Harry blinked rapidly, not understanding what she meant.

“You left me for ten years. You forgot all about me until that day at the café. Not once did you message me or call me or even send fucking snail mail. I was the one putting in all the effort, I was the one who was trying to keep you in my life, but you didn’t want it. Just like it was when we were married.”

Rage bubbled under the surface, but he kept it at bay. That was not how he’d get Y/N back. “How?” he asked calmly. “How did I not want it?”

She scoffed shaking her head. “It was the same as it was ten years ago. With the movie, the new album... You were always at the studio or hanging out with your castmates. When I asked for you to free up one night, one single night, you didn’t come back until three AM, drunk off your ass, and I had to take care of you. I asked for one night. And you didn’t even give me that. So forgive me for not feeling like you still loved me.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me then?!”

“I did!” This was the first time he’d ever heard Y/N yell, before kneading her lips tightly together and then continuing more quietly. “But you never heard me. Not really. You heard what I asked, and promised to be there, but when the time came… something more important always came up. Something that always deserved to have the promise you gave me to be broken.” Y/N gave him a sad smile. “Do you remember when you first asked me out? And I said no?”

Harry nodded. “You said that we just got one another back and didn’t want to have anything rip us apart again. Didn’t even want to chance it.”

“And you said it was exactly why I should give us a chance. That we’d finally found one another again and shouldn’t let the opportunity go…” She tilted her head. “Guess we should’ve listened to me. I included.”

He couldn’t believe her. “Is that really your takeaway here? You were right?”

“But I was.” Y/N shrugged. “Look at where we are now. You forgot me for basically ten years.” She shrugged, stepping away. “Give it some time, and you’ll forget me for the rest of your life. Besides, we’ve not known one another longer than we have. So, it shouldn’t be that hard.”

“Why did you then? Go out with me?” Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. “Get married to me?”

For a moment Y/N just looked at him, Y/E/C eyes boring into his green ones. “Because I’d once again convinced myself I was important to you, just like I did when we were teens. And in my head, I had dreamt up that maybe I’d be important enough for you not to forget me.”

***

The third time did the charm though.

They were both sleepy, under the covers of Harry’s bed, eyes barely keeping open as they were determined to finish Elf.

Y/N had her cheek pressed against his chest, bare body next to his naked one. She hated sleeping in pyjamas (unless they were staying over at one of their parent’s places,) because she said it made her feel like the clothes were suffocating her. Harry didn’t like sleeping with pyjamas because all he wanted was to fully feel the skin of his lover next to his.

Snow fell behind the large windows of his London penthouse apartment, covering the city in a white blanket. It rarely snowed there, so he watched with warmth in his heart as the flakes fluttered to the ground.

It was all so calm, so serene, that Harry realised that’d been the moment he’d been waiting for. No need for fancy dinners or present it as a loud gift. Being together was a gift enough.

“Lovie?” he asked, nose hidden in her hair. “You awake?”

All he received in answer was a small hum. She was on the verge of passing out, but this was the moment, so, he whispered the question, voice so low as if he was asking the dark to marry him not Y/N.

He couldn’t look at her, afraid of what she might say, afraid she might say no, think back to the times he wasn’t there for her, think of all the reasons why he wasn’t good enough for her, and would only bring her sorrow.

“Lover.” Her voice was as soft as a summer’s morning. “Look at me. Please.”

It was one of the most frightening things in his life, as he did so.

Y/E/C eyes met green. What he saw on her face allowed his heart to calm down a little.

“Is the Sun the closest star to us?”

That he hadn’t expected. “What?”

“Does it rise in the East and set in the West?”

“Y-yes?”

Her hand cupped his cheek, and he melted against her. “Then why are you asking me a question you know the answer will be the same as to those?”

“Can I put the ring on your finger then?” He was more excited than about anything in his life.

Y/N shook her head, bringing his lips to brush against hers. “Don’t need a ring. Just need you to kiss me.”

***

The wedding was far away from the city so that no one from the press could even think about following her or her entourage. The guest list was small, compared to the three hundred people Harry’s and her wedding had had.

Anne had told him not to go. He wasn’t invited, and neither was she or Gemma, for obvious reasons. As much as Y/N loved them, she knew it’d hurt the two women, but it would hurt Harry more. So seeing her stepping out of the car, dressed in a cream wedding gown, a veil covering her face, made flashbacks appear behind Harry’s eyelids.

She’d worn an off-white gown before as well, dusty rose to be exact. And Harry’s bow tie had matched it. Y/N had never liked the thought of wearing white at her wedding.

“Listen, if it’s white, I’ll most definitely spill something on it,” she’d told him as both of them had been flipping through some wedding magazines. “You know me. But if it’s some other colour, there’s a bigger chance no one will notice when that happens.”

It didn’t seem right to him. It was like a bad fever-dream like he’d had that one time, and Y/N had had to listen to him babble about the hallucinations dancing in front of him because of the high temperature.

Her gaze remained on the ground, or maybe on the bucket of white roses in her hands. She hated white roses.

A woman in a pale blue dress straightened out the back of Y/N’s dress and the train of it, and he watched as her mother came to stand beside her daughter, giving her an elbow to grasp onto.

All he wanted was for Y/N to be happy, and it hurt to think it wasn’t with him because Harry believed it was supposed to be him.

He took in a shaky breath and got out of the car just as Y/N had walked up the steps and disappeared behind the double doors.

It was going to be him.

***

Harry knew he wasn’t the best husband in the world. He was away for a lot of time, and as conceited of an excuse it was, his job did entail going out to parties, mingling with other people living the high life, and being seen with certain celebs.

Y/N was never one for it. She always supported Harry, but she didn’t like going out and spending time with people who didn’t care for her existence. Well, maybe they did, but only in a sense that she’d been the lucky bitch who’d snagged up the Harry Styles.

But if there was something Harry did was love, and he loved wholeheartedly, which is why it absolutely destroyed him when he’d gotten back home one evening and heard Y/N crying in their bathroom.

She’d never tell him, but it was because no longer did his pillow smell like him. Harry had been away for so long, that the essence of him that’d soaked into their sheets was no longer there. And it broke her to pieces.

When he’d get home, he’d be so tired, he’d crash on the couch, only tiptoeing his way into their shared room to go to his closet and get some clean clothes in the morning. He’d look over at his sleeping wife and allow a blissful smile to bloom on his face at the sight.

He was so lucky to have Y/N back in his life. He was so lucky she’d accepted him and fallen for him as he’d fallen for her. He’d silently move over and press a kiss to her temple, before going back down and off to work once more. Only he wouldn’t see the dried tears on her cheeks.

So, when he’d found her curled up in the tub, hands in her hair, face hidden by her knees, frame trembling like leaves in a storm, he instantly dropped to his knees, ignoring the sharp pain shooting through his bones, as he pulled Y/N into him.

“I can’t, Harry,” she choked out, shaking her head. He knew it was bad. She never called him by his name. “I can’t do this. I’m so alone. Even when you’re here, I’m alone.”

Harry had had his heart broken before, and always he wondered afterwards if someone took it out of his chest at that moment, what kind of a sound would it make. Or maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe it’d be as silent as the tears running down his face at Y/N’s confession.

“Maybe,” he swallowed harshly trying to keep his whole body from shaking, from showing the fear her statement instilled in him. “Maybe we need couple’s therapy.”

“What?” her eyebrows had shot up to the middle of the forehead.

“Y/N, we’re clearly having problems. I – I know I need to work on things, but you’re also not telling me how you’re feeling. Maybe we just need some help.”

She didn’t really know what to respond. In her mind, Y/N had somehow conjured up an image that if she ever got married, they’d be happy. Sure, they’d fight and have rows, but they’d always be able to work things out on their own. Not once in her life, did she ever think she’d need to go and see a marriage counsellor to help her save her marriage.

Her own parents much like Harry’s had gotten divorced. Hers had tried therapy. It’d been their last resort. It didn't work. So, when he’d mentioned it to her, that’s what made her decide it was truly over.

Y/N nodded, bringing him in for a hug, and felt his body melt into hers with relief.

She’d try, for Harry, but her mind was already made up.

***

So he stood outside the doors, listening for the line of ‘if there is anyone who opposes this union speak up now, or forever hold your peace’. His hand grasped the handle, ready to push, but… he couldn’t. He’d ruined her happy ever after once before. He couldn’t do that again to her.

Tears streamed down his face as he pocketed his hands and ventured away from the ceremony. The ceremony where the love of his life was promising to cherish someone else, to fight through thick and thin with someone else, to make someone else happy, while her own happiness suffered.

Harry sat in his car, waiting for her to exit, a smile on her face as she’d hold the hand of who now was her husband. That'd be the moment he'd let go of her. But when the doors sprung open, she was alone, hands clutching onto the front of her dress, as she rushed down the steps and back inside the car she’d arrived in.

For a second he sat in his vehicle, stunned beyond belief at what had happened, at what, as horrible as it sounded, he hoped had happened. When a man, hand in his hair ran outside as well, the same woman in the pale blue dress rushing out with him, Harry knew.

He was basically a madman on the road, breaking almost every possible law as he tried to catch up to the car Y/N had jumped in.

His mind raced with the possibilities of where she could’ve gone. The airport, her family’s summer house in Winchester, honestly anywhere in the world, but Harry shut up his mind, and allowed his heart to make the decision.

It didn’t seem like Y/N had premeditated fleeing from her wedding, which meant she’d need her stuff. And that meant going to her apartment as quickly as possible before someone came to look for her.

The way he parked was probably illegal leaving the car basically in the middle of the road, but Harry didn’t care much as he frantically rushed up the steps of her apartment complex. He was scared that if he knocked, she wouldn’t open, thinking it might be someone from the wedding, but he didn’t need to be afraid of it, as he saw Y/N, her hair still styled as it had been for the ceremony, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, a suitcase in hand exiting from the flat.

“Why didn’t you do it?” he breathlessly asked, startling her and making her drop the keys.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? What are you doing here?”

Harry stepped closer, hand cupping her cheek, insides trembling from all of the emotions coursing through his body. “Why didn’t you do it? Marry him? Why didn’t you say yes?”

“I – “ Y/N choked on her words. “I couldn’t say yes. It didn’t feel right.”

“Why?”

“Because it wasn’t you, I was saying yes to.”

That was all Harry needed to kiss her like he'd done once before. And this time, he wasn’t going to let her go. He’d made that mistake twice. He would never repeat it again.

“I love you,” he cried through a laugh. “I love you. I love you. I love you. And I’m never letting you slip through my fingers ever again.”

“How can you even think about loving me again after what I did to us?” she asked, pulling away from his lips.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re talking like I ever stopped. Through thick and thin. It’s what we promised. Think and thin, my Lovie."

***

A sixteen-year-old Harry and a fifteen-year-old Y/N laid outside in the grass of Harry’s garden; eyes trained onto the dark night starlit sky above. It was the day before his life changed forever as did hers.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Harry asked, trying to catch a glimpse of a shooting star.

Y/N scrunched up her nose. “No. I don’t think I do. And I don’t think I want one.”

“Why not?”

“What if they’re old and in their thirties? Or dead?”

Harry snorted at her response.

“And you?” Y/N turned her head to look at him. “Do you believe in soulmates?

He bit his lip and nodded. “I think I do. I think it’s two people who’ve been brought together, and no matter what happens will find their way to one another. Through thick and thin.”

"And what if one of them breaks the other's heart?"

"That's the thin." He looked at her. "And you don't give up then. It's when you need to love them even more."

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue @im-squished

Harry Styles tags: @sarcasticallywitty15 @breezykpop @girlboss99 @harrystylesdoesntknowiexist @alliyjane @sirtommyholland

A/N: Happy 2021 everyone! Hopefully things are better this year, and everyone stays safe and sound.

P.S. my tags are always open :)

P.S.S. please don’t repost my fics on other platforms without specific written permission. Reblogs are a okay :)

918 notes · View notes

sparkles-and-trash · 3 years

Text

The Gaang are Roommates AU ~

note: this is a rewrite and repost of my old roommates au, there was some stuff I wanted to change, and I wanted to make the parts a little longer, so yeah, ta-dah!

- think modern setting in the canon universe, bending is still a thing

- the Gaang are all in going to Ba Sing Se University

- I’m gonna change the ages a bit to make it easier for myself, sorry

- Zuko, Sokka, Suki and Mai are 20, Katara, Ty Lee and Azula are 19, Aang, Toph and Yue are 18

- so, Zuko, Sokka, Katara, Aang and Toph end up living together in a big loft type apartment

- Sokka and Aang are old best friends, they met Toph in Middle School, and Katara is a natural part of the group

- until now Sokka and Katara have both been living in the dorms, and they both hate it intensely

- but now that Aang and Toph are also in uni, they all decide to move in together!

- …but the only problem is that the only place they find that they like is just out of their price rage (Toph’s parents aren’t supportive of her major so they’re not helping out much)

- enter: ~ Zuko ~

- so, Zuko has been living with his uncle Iroh since his Father, who’s a high up in some big and important company the Fire Nation, disowned him for speaking up against the company’s shifty treatment of workers and ruining a lot of sacred land etc

- they’re still firebenders and the scar still happened, not in an Agni Kai, but it happened

- but after Zuko started uni, Iroh really tried to push him to meet some people his own age and make some friends

- the only people Zuko talks to on the regular besides Iroh is Azula, Ty Lee and Mai, and Mai is the only one who is like, his friend yanno?

- the last year the deal was that if Zuko didn’t branch out, Iroh would have him live one year with other students

- it’s his idea of tough love

- Zuko tried to do some random kid’s homework to have them pretend to be his new friend in front of Iroh so he wouldn’t have to, but Iroh can tell he’s lying so easily

- so, Zuko ends up hearing about the Gaang through Mai, who heard from Ty Lee, who plays field hockey, Suki, who’s best friends with Sokka

- so, he goes to meet them, and it’s so awkward mY GOD

- Katara is a B I G environmental activist and HATES Ozai and his company, with good reason

- she eases up a tad when Zuko admits to being turned away from as a teen, but she is still suspicious

- Aang loves him right away, ofc, and that makes Katara even more suspicious because she’s pretty protective of Aang

- she claims it’s because he’s so kind and believes everyone but she totally liikeees hiiiim

- Toph is just like, sure, as long as he pays his rent idgaf

- Sokka is weirdly quiet, because he’s had a huge crush on Zuko forever, and the only one who knows is Aang (and Toph but she ain’t no snitch)

- so, ya boy makes the cut, and before they know it, it’s move-in day!

- but, the idiots didn’t think through the facts that it’s only three bedrooms oops

- and Toph is NOT afraid to pull the “I’m blind and I need my space” card

- and nobody’s up to fight her on it, so

- let’s just say there is A LOT of back and forth, but with Katara refusing to room with her brother again, and Zuko being rightfully scared of Katara, it ends up with Zuko and Sokka sharing a bedroom, and Katara and Aang

- they have separate beds ofc

- but still, tension, man, so much tension

- it takes a while, but the dynamics starts working out really well

- Zuko is good at grocery shopping and likes to clean, and Aang is always happy to help him out

- Sokka loves cooking, so he does that a lot

- Katara is always on top of the others with schoolwork and making sure everyone is okay, and she usually does it in genius, sneaky ways so people doesn’t even notice that she does it

- Toph is clearing the air off bullshit

- like, she will call a bitch out

- but because she cares about said bitch

- so, Aang knows that Sokka has a crush on Zuko because Sokka told him in a weak moment, and Toph knows because she just knows

- Aang is a good friend tho, and he tries to like, ease them together

- but he is so awkward about it, the poor thing, and Zuko doesn’t understand AT ALL

- Toph is just sitting back and sighing a lot

- Katara doesn’t understand either but she just stays out of it (smart girl)

- but okay, we know how oblivious Zuko can be right?

- Sokka can give him googly eyes and blush and stutter around him so much and he still has no clue at all

- Zuko starts thinking Sokka just doesn’t like him at all

- but then one night Zuko has this really intense nightmare

- okay and quick addition, his scar is… handshaped? Like, you can clearly tell what happened to him

- but nobody talks about it, yet

- but then he’s having a terrible nightmare and is talking and begging and pleading in his sleep

- so much that Sokka wakes up

- and he catches on pretty fast, but had no idea what to do

- so he just shuffles over to Zuko’s side of the room and starts tapping his shoulder rapidly

- but nothing happens

- so he just… gently and awkwardly pats his head until Zuko wakes up

- and Zuko is like… wat u doin there bro

- and Sokka is like… just patting ur head to wake you from a nightmare bro

- and they awkwardly just mumble and go back to their beds

- but Zuko is smiling a lot because someone who’s not his family or a family friend really cares about him

- after that, Zuko slowly starts opening up to all of them, but Sokka especially

- he never really tells them about being cast out and burned tho

- until one day he kinda casually slings it into a convo all fast and awkwardly

- it’s just Toph, Aang and Sokka there

- Toph yells so WHAATTT so loudly and just metalbends the whole fridge into a clump in rage

- Aang cries lmao but he tries to hide to and be supportive and not awkward

- Sokka is kinda quiet, but he carefully asks about it that night when they’re in their beds, and they talk a little about it

- Aang tells Katara (with permission) and she awkwardly, but wholeheartedly tells him that he can always talk to her

- they do that «awkward sibling hug» from Gravity Falls after

- *hugs stiffly* «pat, pat»

- but okay, Toph and metalbending when angry, it happens quite a lot

- this was the first time it was the fridge, but the toaster, the microwave, and several other appliances have met the same fate

- everyone is kinda used to it now, and she always replaces it

- except Zuko, who’s still kinda new to them all

- but what are you supposed to say when your new friends is so outraged by the abuse you went through that they crush a whole ass fridge?

- it actually reminds him that he’s cared for here, by these people who owe him nothing, and is not related to him, and it makes him a little dizzy to have people care this way

- he casually mentions it to his Uncle Iroh the time he’s in at work, that his new friend is a metalbender and squashed their whole fridge when she was pissed on his behalf

- Iroh is thrilled

- to the point of offering Toph a job lmao

- Toph, desperate to cut of as much ties with her family and be as self-sufficient as possible, agrees

- and now Iroh have two formerly rich kids with no clue about any sort of customer service and basic stuff like that working for him

- Toph is a hard worker tho, and she and Zuko work surprisingly well together

- Katara is a little relived, because the more those two work, the less are the chances of either of them trying to cook or do too many chores around their apartment

- they mean well, or, Zuko does, but he does so much dumb shit when trying to help lmao

- Sokka starts spending a lot of time over at The Jasmine Drago too

- Aang is still trying to keep the fact that Sokka likes Zuko a secret, but he is having trouble

- Katara is his biggest weakness, and now they’re suddenly alone with her a lot

- someone else who could always read Sokka really well is Suki

. whom he used date in high school, but they parted as friends and everything s cool

- but Sokka is a little taken aback when she comes into The Jasmine Dragon one day, hand in hand with Sokka’s childhood crush obsession, Yue

- for the first time in man’s memory, Sokka is a little speechless

- and Suki’s like “lmao dude I haven’t seen you like this since the first time you saw Zu-”

- cue Zuko popping out behind them like “WELCOME TO THE JASMINE DRAGON FRIENDS OF SOKKA :D”

- Sokka is so fucking red, poor boy is just about having an aneurism at this point

- but luckily something happens and Zuko gets distracted

- Suki is having the time of her life tho, Sokka always used to tease her for her crushes before and after they dated, and suddenly, here they are

- at the apartment, Aang decides they need some apartment traditions

- they’ve been living there for almost three months, after all

- so he decides that weekly movie nights are mandatory

- so are pillowforts

- Katara is actually really excited for it, she loves all things cozy and fall-like

- also… she is weak for Aang, y’all, and she loves seeing him all excited

- Zuko barely knows what a pillowfort is, he didn’t think real people actually made it

- but imagine these dorks in a pillowfort with hot chocolate and lot’s of pillows

- Toph claims that she thinks it’s soo dumb, but she will always make sit in the middle of the group all wrapped in her blanket and laughing when the others jump and get spooked from the horror movies Sokka always wants to watch

- and she will make sure the fort is right and perfect lmao

- Zuko is a little awkward about it at first, but he likes it too

- Sokka always manages to plop in next to Zuko lmao

- they haven’t talked about the head patting incident yet, but Zuko is def starting to feel the butterflies

- one time after a movie night Sokka falls asleep on Zuko’s shoulder, after the others have left for the night

- Zuko can’t resist waking him up with awkward head pats similar to the one Sokka used on him

- Sokka thinks he died and went to heaven lmao

- but then he fully wakes and sees Zuko’s shit eating grin and can’t help but laugh at the whole thing

- and Zuko has his “oh no he’s hot beautiful and I really adore him” moment

224 notes · View notes

teaspoon-full-of-sugar · 4 years

Text

tangled up in blue

pairing: harry styles x plus size!reader

warnings: fluff, comfort, mentions of anxiety, kinda angsty

word count: 4.4k

synopsis: harry has a rude encounter with a fan

author’s note: sorry for another rushed ending, but other than that, i hope you enjoy xx all the love

masterlist

—

It’s his first day off in weeks, and he is taking full advantage of it. After such a stressful few months, he wants nothing more than to spend this short break with his girlfriend.

It’s two in the afternoon before he gets out of bed, and that’s only because the weak little grumbling in his stomach became too much to ignore. With no real food in the house, Y/N called in an order to their regular place, as long as he is the one who picks it up.

He decides to walk, since the restaurant is only a few blocks away from his home, but when he catches a couple paps trying to get pictures a little ways down the road, he knew he should have driven. He’s glad Y/N stayed home, since photos of her rarely get out, and he knows that she wouldn’t have been comfortable with it.

He sighs, trying to not let them ruin his first relaxing day in a while, but it’s hard. Harry likes his privacy, and sadly, he chose the wrong career. He would never say that he hates what he does. He loves being able to bring joy and kindness to people who really need it, even if it is just for a couple of minutes.

He just wishes he could have some more space and privacy and freedom to do his own thing. He wishes he could go out on his day off without being stopped or having people trying (and failing) to take a sneaky picture of him, which, again, is an absolute invasion of his privacy.

He would never snap at anyone, well, no one except the paparazzi, not only because he was taught early on that he shouldn’t do that, but also because he wasn’t that type of person. While he still may not be used to the significance of his stardom, he still understands that he is a role model to many people, and he needs to act as such.

“I have an order to pick up,” he says to the hostess, who just stares at him for a second, jaw dropped slightly. It’s not the usual woman who gives him his orders, so he gives her a moment. She bounces back rather quickly.

“Uh, what’s the name?” She asks, trying not to draw any unwanted attention toward him, which he appreciates.

“Y/N.”

She taps away at the register, tells him the total, and he pays.

“I’ll go check and see if your order’s done. If not, it should be just a couple of minutes.”

“No problem.” He smiles.

“Harry?”

He turns to see a nervous looking girl with a bright tee knotted around her middle and a pretty pearl necklace tight around her neck. She brushes a tuft of brown hair over her shoulder, fiddling with her fingers. She’s only a little shorter than him, but she still doesn’t meet his eye.

“C-could I get a picture?”

He honestly doesn’t want to.

He knows that one photo will lead to dozens more, and he just wants to get his food, go home, and cuddle up with Y/N, but she looks sweet, and the hopeful look in her eyes makes him cave.

“Sure,” he says weakly, taking a quick photo.

“How’s Y/N?” The girl asks when she puts her phone away, desperate for a little more time with him. A beaming smile takes over his features, and he sits on a stool at the bar, feet tucking behind the bottom bars. It’s not very often he gets asked about her, but whenever he does, he takes full advantage of it; that is, of course, if the person seems genuinely interested and not just asking him for the sake of conversation.

The public was a little less than understanding or supportive of their relationship when it was, forcibly, made known. Being friends and neighbors since childhood, Y/N has been a present figure in the early parts of his life. They grew further and further apart after he left for The X Factor, to the point where they didn’t even speak to each other. It was tough because she wanted absolutely nothing to do with the life that he led, and he couldn’t just give up everything he worked so hard toward.

They reconnected some years ago when he was visiting home, and she had a break from uni. It was a slow build to what it is today, mostly because Y/N was hesitant about everything that came with being with him, like distance between them, negative publicity, and, of course, his fans, but, as she always said, he made everything worth it.

When their relationship was leaked in the press, they had to prematurely address the rumors. Not that Harry is embarrassed or ashamed of her, quite the opposite, really, but he just had one too many relationships fall apart due to the pressure the media put on them. He didn’t want to put Y/N through that; he didn’t want to see her to realize that, perhaps, he wasn’t worth the negative attention.

“She’s great,” he says. “We’re gonna go hiking later this evening, hopefully get a good view of the sunset.”

“That’s nice,” she smiles, happy that he’s happy, and he breathes out a sigh of relief. It’s refreshing to meet someone who is actually

His smile fades when a girl behind him scoffs.

“That’s surprising.”

He wants to believe that she’s not commenting on his conversation, but he knows better than anyone that she’s listening in; hell, he could feel the eyes of everyone in the diner the second he stepped inside, but just because he’s been doing this for years doesn’t mean that he’s not immune to the voices and the stares. He’s gotten pretty good at being able to ignore them, and he tries his best to do the same with her.

The brunette, who also seems to have noticed the girl behind him, flushes red, pity apparent on her features. He gives her an uncomfortable, closed mouth smile, trying to focus back on their own conversation.

“I mean, have you seen her?” The girl behind him continues, laughing lightly.

It makes his chest ache, anger settling deep in his stomach, burning and vengeful. Never has anyone made such blatant comments about her; they normally say that sort of stuff behind the safety of a screen and certainly not right in front of him. He knows what people say about his love. They make negative comments every little thing about her, the biggest one being her weight, and he never says anything because Y/N thinks that it would make everything worse, but she’s not here to hold him back.

He turns to face the girls behind him. The one whose back is still facing toward him, leaned in close to the other, as though that’s enough to hide what she’s saying.

“I beg your pardon?”

They’re both young, but surely old enough to know better. One of the girls, with brown hair with a pink strip in the front, blanches when he catches her eye, an apologetic look on her face; she looks close to tears, even, stuttering hopelessly.

“Dee—”

“I didn’t expect him to be a chubby chaser.”

“Excuse me?”

The girl with bright red hair, Dee, he assumes, finally turns to face him, a shameless smirk on her face.

“I am so sorry,” the brunette begins, but her friend, fueled by desperation and spite, cocks her head to the side, chest puffing out beneath a “Treat People with Kindness” shirt, the rainbow colored words taunting him.

How ironic.

“I mean… am I wrong?” She asks, looking at him expectantly.

“How dare you?” He seethes, standing fully, towering over her seated figure. He knows he shouldn’t be giving her the slightest bit of attention. That’s exactly what she wants, to get a reaction out of him, and he’s playing into her game, but he honestly doesn’t care. A heated red paints his skin, trailing up from his neck to the tip of his nose. He can barely breathe, let alone speak clearly, frustration and anger choking him.

He struggles to find his voice, but when he does, he can’t stop them from spilling out, malice and disgust dripping with every word.

“I have never been so disappointed and ashamed in someone who claims to be a fan of mine. How can you wear that shirt while passing judgement on someone I love very much, who you have never seen or met? And I pray that you will never meet her because she doesn’t deserve such vile things being said about her.”

He turns to see the hostess with a large paper bag in a stunned silence, and he takes it from her wordlessly.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters to the sweet girl, ashamed that he snapped like he did, but she gives him a proud smile and moves, so he can leave.

—

Someone apparently recorded the encounter, and the video is trending on Twitter by the time he gets home. Jeff is the one who told him about it, sending him a link and a long message about how much of a PR nightmare it’s going to be. Especially when the reception is less than positive. While some think he was being too nice, others are saying that he shouldn’t have lashed out (their words, not his) at someone who is a fan and supports him, but Harry knows that there is no winning. Everyone always finds something to say about things that are clearly none of their business. He even saw a few comments about Y/N, how she should fight her own battles and not have Harry do them for her.

They make him feel nauseous.

“Hey, babe,” he says as he enters their apartment, Munchy, Y/N’s cat, weaving and purring between his legs. Whenever he gets home, he can feel the stresses of the day shrink to nothing, and he’s finally able to relax. A smile creeps over his face when he sees her, leaning against the counter with a mug of tea cupped in her hands. She hasn’t changed out of the boxers and the large yellow tee from that morning, but her hair is still wet from a shower, the scent of her fruity soap strong.

“Hey,” she says softly, and he leans in for a kiss, only for her to turn at the last moment, lips unfortunately pressing to her cheek. She takes the bag from him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she says, tugging the takeaway boxes from the bag, not even offering him a glance.

He knows that she’ll tell him what’s really wrong in her own due time, so he can’t push her; that makes it worse for everyone involved. However, he has gotten pretty good at coaxing it out of her. All it takes is a little patience and affection, and she’s putty in his hands.

He presses kisses to her temple, tracing his lips down the length of her tender skin to the shell of her ear, nibbling playfully. He dips his hand beneath her shirt, feeling her stomach tense beneath his touch. After such an exhausting day, he just wants to be with her, feel her warmth and love. He’s never really been able to find comfort or safety in any of his past lovers, and when he found that in Y/N, he never misses an opportunity to shower her with affection, teasing and biting at her skin. He just wants to melt and forget about his problems, to just be there, in the present, with her.

His little bubble is popped when she shoves his hand away, probably harder than she really meant to, but it hurts him, nonetheless. She turns and gives him a weak little smile, her eyes, glassy and unable to meet his gaze. She looks like a shell, nervous and empty, and he knows exactly why she’s acting the way she is. She must have seen the video and probably the nasty comments people left about her.

“Baby—”

“Let’s eat, yeah?” She changes the subject, pulling out some silverware from the drawer. “This one mine?”

“Yeah, your usual,” he says softly.

They eat in an awkward silence, old sitcom reruns playing in the background, tension thick in the air. He can’t focus on anything but her breaths, shaky and shallow with anxiety. He knows that this entire situation is weighing heavily on her mind, and he needs to get everything off his chest. He wants to pull her into his arms, stroke her hair, and tell her to not listen to anything anyone says, that she’s it for him.

It's going to happen, all in due time; he’ll get nowhere if he doesn’t go at her pace.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she mutters suddenly, picking at her food. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I don’t want you putting your career at stake by standing up for me.”

He understands; he knows what it feels like to constantly be worried about what other people think, to have it impact every single decision you make. He’s mulled over everything he’s done for the past decade, but, at the same time, he’s her boyfriend first. He could honestly give a damn about his public image if it meant he had to stand by a listen to people say those nasty things about her.

“You would do the same for me,” he says, and she sighs.

“It’s not the same thing.”

“I don’t understand why we're arguing about this,” he says abruptly, placing his food onto the side table and turning fully toward her.

“I’m not—” She breathes out quickly, standing up. She tugs her clothes down, loosening them, and she crosses her arms, feeling vulnerable for some reason. Harry has never passed any judgement to her for the way she looked, knowing full well that she’s struggled with her weight her entire life, but this entire situation is making her feel insecure and weak and anxious. She feels like he is going to think that she’s being too sensitive about it, melodramatic about the severity of their comments.

“I’m not trying to start an argument. I just don’t think you understand that there’s going to be a lot of backlash for this.”

She’s embarrassed that he even needs to stand up for her. He should be with someone who is used to being in the spotlight, and, most importantly, he deserves to be able to go out with someone without people commenting or staring. He shouldn’t be with someone who makes people wonder why he’s with her, of all people.

It’s not only her physical appearance that people comment on; she’s seen fans talk about how Harry doesn’t go out anymore, how she is never present at any concerts or any other special events, even though they don’t know she has severe social anxiety and a career that keeps her from being with him all the time. She truly wishes she could be all of those things for him, but she can’t, and that’s what breaks her heart the most.

Harry deserves nothing less than the world, and he settled for her.

And with everyone else in the world questioning why he chose her, of all people, why wouldn’t he think the same?

“There would be even more backlash if I had just ignored it, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she says, “but, it’s not like it’s going to stop people from saying—”

She can’t even say it, their all too familiar words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. No matter how many times Harry tells her to pay no mind to their comments, she can’t help it. She truly hates how much other people’s opinions about her impact her, with paralyzing fear and doubt filtering through her thoughts on a daily basis, but she can’t help it.

“Saying what?”

“You know,” she whimpers, eyes glassy. “No matter what you do, there will always be people who say that I don’t deserve you. There will always be people out there who think I’m ugly o-or too fat for you and—” She chokes on her words, tears finally breaking through. A weak sob leaves her lips, faint and broken. “It’s not like it’s not true, so there’s no point in fighting it if it’s going to ruin your reputation.”

She starts to pace, one hand tucking into the curve of her waist while the other pinches the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache forming.

“Whoa, hey, okay,” he stutters, standing. He holds onto her arms, hands rubbing over her cool skin, trying to comfort her, but she weakly pushes him away again, rubbing her nose. She pulls at the bottom of her shirt and wipes away her tears, leaving it wrinkled and wet. She sniffles, struggling to keep the panic from growing any further in her chest, heart racing painfully.

She moves into their bedroom, and he follows close behind, their food long forgotten as she tries to control her breathing.

“What’s this really about?” He asks. She pauses, her shoulders visibly sinking, and she sits on the foot of the bed, hooking her feet on the footboard. She cradles legs to her chest and tugs her shirt over them, forehead pressed against her knees.

She’s exhausted at this point. Ever since she saw the video and the comments, she’s been torn. She’s grateful that Harry said something; it made her hopeful that maybe it would make them stop, even if it was for only a day, but when she saw people actually defending the girl who said those terrible things about her, all of that pride was pulled away, leaving nothing behind other than debilitating anxiety and bone-chilling fear.

She just wants the day to be over, as if that will make everything go away.

She knows that they need to talk about it, but she’s afraid. She’s afraid of what this conversation could lead to; he could realize that he doesn’t want to deal with everything anymore or that he doesn’t want to deal with the strain that it puts on his relationship with the public.

The bed shifts as he kneels beside her, hand pressing against the small of her back.

“Y/N, please, don’t shut me out,” he whispers. She whimpers when he kisses her temple, an attempt at trying to ease her out of this miserable hole she’s dug for herself. She finally looks up at him with swollen, burning eyes, tears threatening to fall.

“I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that I’m not worth all of this. You shouldn’t even need to say anything to people.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have to say anything to them, but that has absolutely nothing to do with you. I have to say things because of all of the judgmental people in the world, who body shame the woman that I love, a woman who they know absolutely nothing about.”

“I don’t want you to start believing them, and I just don’t want you to regret me.”

“Why would I ever regret you?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” She snaps, her lips quivering. “I’m not like the others.”

“That’s what I love about you.”

“I’m not cut out for this,” she cries.

Hurt passes over his features, and the words die on his tongue. A pinch of fear starts in his stomach and spreads up to his heart, which races painfully, chills rushing through his spine.

“What are you saying?”

She doesn’t answer; she can’t. She didn’t mean for it to slip out. It’s usually just a passing thought when her insecurities come at full force. She’s never actually said it aloud, for fear of its repercussions. She doesn’t want to lose him. Even if she isn’t cut out for this sort of lifestyle, he is worth absolutely everything.

“Y/N,” he says, cupping her cheeks. He wipes away her tears with his thumbs, but more fall to replace the ones he tried to clear. He hates how much this has affected her, and he hates that it’s his fault, too. She holds onto his wrists, fingers trailing up and down his heated skin, from his calloused hands to his elbows, their gaze never breaking.

“I love you. Nothing anyone says will make me feel differently. Would you still love me if I gained a ton of weight or if I was just skin and bones?”

“Of course,” she says quickly.

“This is no different,” he smiles. “I do regret many things in my life. I regret some choices I’ve made, I regret things I’ve said, and I regret being selfish. But you?” He shakes his head. “You will never be one of my regrets. You are beautiful inside and out. You make me want to be better, you make me look forward to every new day, and you give me strength.”

Her heart swells at his words. Harry has always been a very emotive man when it came to her. He was never ashamed to let her know exactly how he felt, probably because of the years where he felt hopeless and couldn’t express himself fully. He leans in a little closer, his forehead resting against hers, and she can feel her worries tapering off with every shallow breath.

“My love, you have no idea what you do to me,” he whispers, rubbing his nose against hers. He brushes away her tears, leaving her skin sticky. “Not one fuckin’ clue about the nights where I wanted nothing more than to be just with you, to be able to see you and laugh with you. Remember the night before my audition? And I asked if I could kiss you because I’d never kissed anyone before, and I didn’t want to seem like an absolute dud.”

She nods.

She pondered over that night for years. He was rambling and nervous, but she didn’t hear anything after he asked if he could kiss her, her mind going completely blank. Of course, she said yes. She had a crush on him for years, how could she say no? Even if it was just once, if it was just one fleeting moment in her life, she held onto it with everything she could.

It was her first kiss, too, and she was so nervous with trembling hands and clammy skin. It seemed too good to be true: the boy she’s liked since as long as she could remember was going to kiss her; perhaps, there was hope for them after all.

When they pulled apart, his hair messy and cheeks rosy, she thought that he was going to kiss her again. From the look in his eyes, he seemed like he was completely enamored with her, at a loss for breath with a soft gaze, but he didn’t. Her mind was playing tricks on her because all he said was “thanks”, and he laid back down, on his side, not even facing her. The hope she felt was crushed. Then, he left the next morning, and they never spoke about it again. The memory of that night leaves her heart aching.

“Bullshit, all of it. I jus’ wanted to know how your lips would feel against mine, how soft and warm your body would feel. For months, I would think about that night, and I wished I could go back and tell you the truth, that I loved you. You have no idea how grateful I am to have you back in my life, to have you here, by my side, to hold and love.”

As she gazes into his eyes, she can feel the truth in his words, the dedication, and the pain, most of all.

He doesn’t want to lose her like he did all those years ago.

He felt the same during those years apart, hopelessly wandering into the arms of various lovers to try to replace what he felt for her. He’s spent nearly an entire decade, searching for that one person to fill the void in his heart that Y/N claimed when they were just kids, much like she had with him. He yearned for a person, who would support and loyalty him just as she had, but they never cared as deeply as he did, nor did they feel and love just as strongly as he did.

“I love you for everything you are, not just your heart or your mind but also your beautiful body, babylove. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.”

His lips tease over hers, just barely touching before she finally catches his lips after such a painstakingly long moment of silence after his confession, and they both are overwhelmed with the feeling of absolute relief, like they’re finally able to breathe.

He guides her onto her back, his knee nestling between her legs, blue sheets bunched up around her waist. He gently eases his hand below her shirt, fingers faint on the soft and pliant skin. She combs her nails through his hair, scratching and teasing. Her body alive and heated beneath his touch, they melt into each other, forgetting everything wrong with the world and focusing solely on each other, the pinch of teeth biting lips and the rush of chills down her spine. He feels up her thighs, tender touch on her soft skin, but she pulls away from him, fingers still latched in his hair, hesitation clear on her features.

“Please,” he whispers. “Jus’ wanna make you feel good.” He kisses her beneath the curve of her jaw, the warmth of his breath leaving her heart racing. “Wanna make you feel loved, make you feel as beautiful as you are.”

There’s not many things Harry can find safety with. Since his life in the public eye, he’s had to make a lot of sacrifices. It’s difficult to find considerate strangers, safe refuges, and genuine friends, but he knows that he can always find solace with her, in their home, together, blanketed in warmth and tangled up in blue.

—

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #ellie writes #ellie writes fluff #ellie writes angst #gif not mine #credit to owner

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wesevas · 4 years

Text

so ngl I went a little ham on her intro so if you tough it out and read the whole way through??? amazing. legendary. iconic. but im hype for this so slap that like and we can get to plotting! also I think we can all agree that discord is far superior or messaging so hmu ( vee#9986 ) !

( mishti rahman, 21, cis female, she/her ) did you just see EVA ROMANOV on the quad ?? aren’t they an ARCHITECTURE major or something ?? i swear the JUNIOR hates me because they ignored me in the dining hall. if i had to describe them i’d say something like: a mess of clothes covering a white arm chair, a fresh bouquet wrapped in newspaper, soft smiles & layered gold jewelry.

lbr her pinterest will describe her better then i ever will so why not save some time and check out her vibe

thems the facts

the youngest of four children with three older brothers.

her parents met in russia. her mom was an american student studying abroad on an exchange program and met her dad at uni and they fell hard and fast. after graduation he basically followed her back to the states

while her dad was on track to become a professor in the russia, school was much more expensive and competitive in america and his english was pretty much non existent. he took a job working construction to hopefully save enough to finish his education but as the kids started coming around it became more of a pipe dream then a reality for him

mom got a job as a language teacher

all the kids speak russian bc both parents speak it and it’s just easier for their dad bc it’s his native language

two of her brothers work in the trades. hvac and a mechanic. the youngest brother, aleksandr and the closest to eva played soccer all the way through college but it wasn’t enough to land him a professional contract so he’s teaching

eva is studying architecture and girl is not only passionate but damn good at it

she spent years dancing growing up and was actually pretty good at it but her passion lies with design and architecture

personality and bits

she’s basically a combination of soft girl and feisty. she’s vivacious and full of life but she has no problem standing up for herself (3 brothers ppl) or telling someone theyre being a dick.

can be ruled by her emotions lol if she’s angry you’ll know it. if she’s sad, or happy or in love.. it’s all over her face ok i have a lot of feelings about this

makes her bed every morning but leaves a pile of clothes on the plush arm chair in the corner lol

cries when she’s frustrated. which makes her more frustrated

a romantic. probably falls in love a few times a day tbh lol she just wants to be loved and cared for ok leave her alone

loves being outside. going for walks threw the park or throwing a ball with her dog or just having her morning coffee outside is just.. chefs kiss

def the type to make extra food for her friends. like she’ll bake something sweet and drop it off at their doors.

the type who likes to visit the farmers market and buy up all kinds of fresh fruits and veggies

the type to share food at a restaurant. like she’ll probably steal from your plate but give you something from hers in return

always tries to have fresh flowers on her counter. some come from her performances and others are just ones she picked up from a street vendor when she was out on a walk

has an adorable cavapoo puppy named charlie. he’s so freaking cute ok he’s just so happy and excited his tail is always waging and he’s always trying to cuddle and lick people ok he just thinks everyone is his friend

lives off campus in one of the apartments

works at the flower shop so if you need a bouquet?? she’s your girl!

wanted connections:

girls!! give her girls to rally behind and to support and girls to do the same for her. emergency ice cream sessions after bad days and trading clothes and makeup and offering up (sometimes terrible lol) dating advice

skinny love. trading smiles and stealing glances when the other isn’t looking. real cute shit

right person wrong time. gimme the pain.

crush. someone she’s just got a silly crush on lol it doesn’t have to turn into anything but just someone she’s enamoured with lol also someone who’s crushing on her too

ex’s. the most angst the better tbh. also!! maybe someone she dated who she had it bad for but after getting together the fantasy just falls apart bc they aren’t who you thought they were kinda deal?

rivals. not everyone is gonna vibe with you so for whatever reason these two just don’t get along. maybe they do stupid little things that they know will piss the other one off like playing their music too loud or sending each other gag gifts just to see their reaction lol

enemies. someone who really gets under her skin. someone who’s arrogant or cold or mean or whatever really and she’s having none of it

unlikely pairing. whether it’s a friendship or something more (!!!!!!) but from the outside it just seems like they don’t match. they seem to be complete opposites but that’s exactly why it works. i’m not saying i’d sell my soul for this but..

neighbours/roomies. she's in the off campus apartment buildings so maybe they live next to each other or on top of each other or whatever. do they get along? do they ignore the shit out of one another? do they leave their doors open and come and go as they please?

a frequent customer at the flower shop?? like someone who always comes and orders flowers for their mom or gf or friend of even just sends them as pranks and she helps them pick out flowers that mean silly things?? PLS

brotps/ride or die

tinder matches/hook ups. girl’s gotta get fed right?

situationship!!

hateship!!

i’m working on a wc tag bc it’s always for fun that way

#halfordintro

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eldri-sv · 3 years

Text

2 - Shinsou

Kaori Shinsou has always been fascinated by people's minds. She is one of the best students in her Criminal Psychology course at U.A. and - being the lucky girl she is - her professor is not only one handsome dude, but is also working on the case of the serial killer Stain - a case that has been going on for years. As she is about to become Professor Aizawa's TA during the next term, a lot of other interesting cases start popping up all over the country... AU, OC x Aizawa

Trigger warnings: insomnia, stress, mentions of death

(possibly incomplete, if you’d like something added, please let me know)

You keep me up at night

(Florence + The Machine - Big God)

Kaori Shinsou had trouble sleeping, as usual. She was tired, that wasn't the problem. She had no nightmares. She was just not able to turn off her brain for some reason. Thoughts kept racing through her head and she couldn't stop thinking and she couldn't sleep. They were stupid thoughts, too. Not even worrying. Just stupid thoughts. Kaori tossed and turned and then gave up.

She grabbed her phone from the night table and checked the time. It was 4 am. She would have to get up in two hours anyway and get ready for university. There was really no point in lying around and waiting. She might as well be as productive as she could. She closed her eyes and let out a loud and annoyed groan.

Then she opened her eyes and quickly sat up. She crawled out of her futon and turned on the lamp on her desk. There were a bunch of opened books and half-written essays lying around. Kaori had made it a habit to start her essays the first day they got them and finish them with minutes to spare. At least that way people couldn't say she should have started earlier.

She knew exactly Professor Aizawa wasn't buying it, but he seemed to get some sort of amusement out of her trying to be organized and repeatedly failing. She looked over the half-finished papers absent-mindedly. Maybe she could actually finish one ahead of time for once...?

Kaori shook her head to herself. No. Not like this. She couldn't go and write papers while she was still in her pajamas. Maybe she should just get dressed for university already. It wasn't like she was going to go back to sleep anyway.

With another sigh she got up from her desk and walked to her wardrobe. She grabbed a pair of knee-highs and some fresh underwear from her closet and then proceeded to grab some clothes from her pile on the floor. Kaori was glad at first when she realized she didn't need to wear her school uniform anymore, but she quickly found out that life had been much easier when there was one less thing to worry about.

So she stuck to wearing skirts and knee-high socks and blouses a lot of the time, simply because she was so used to herself looking like that. She just couldn't imagine anything else looking even remotely decent on her. She tried a few styles and had at this point assembled a wildly diverse range of outfits, but she still felt most comfortable in something that resembled a school uniform.

She quietly opened the door to her room and snuck outside through the hallway. Her parents would get insanely mad if they knew she hadn't slept again. Kaori had been telling them her insomnia was fine again, mostly so she didn't have to take the sleeping pills her doctor would prescribe for her. They made her sleep like a baby, but she hated the side effects that caused some random memory gaps in her brain. And she really couldn't use that while she was in the middle of university.

As she was passing her little brother's door she heard a loud bang coming from the room. Not loud enough for her parents to hear it, but Kaori had learned to hear even the tiniest sounds. Especially when it was as quiet as it was right now. She knocked at the door, careful not to be too loud. There was no reply.

She carefully opened the door just a little bit. Her brother was lying in his futon, eyes closed and his hands folded over his chest. He looked like a mummy. No one slept like that and he should have known better. She looked over to the desk. The lamp on it was still glowing a little, as if it had just now been turned off. There were a lot of open books on the table as well.

"It's just me, Hitoshi. No need to panic." she whispered. Hitoshi Shinsou opened one eye and visibly relaxed when he saw it was only his sister.

"You gave me a fright." he said to her and quietly sat up again. Kaori grinned a little. Hitoshi had a similarly severe case of insomnia as she did and he also had no intention of taking sleeping pills.

"Can I come in?" she asked. Hitoshi nodded slightly, it was barely noticeable. Kaori slipped inside the room and closed the door, conscious of not making any noise whatsoever. Not that their parents were easy to wake. For some reason the insomnia genes seemed to have skipped them, but they were wildly rampant in both Kaori and Hitoshi. Or maybe their parents were just too exhausted after their work at the hospital.

"Can't sleep?" Kaori said to her brother, as he got out of his futon and went back to his desk. She sat down on one of his side tables. It was more of a rhetorical question since both of them knew that he couldn't sleep. And it wasn't like Hitoshi even wanted to sleep. He had other plans.

"No. You, too?" he replied. Kaori nodded and glanced over the books that were open. They were her old Criminology books. Hitoshi had tried to get into the Criminology course himself, but hadn't made it. It was a really close cut for him, too. All he wanted was to get into Criminal Psychology like his older sister. He had made the cut for the Psychology course and was now studying and tormenting himself relentlessly to get the best grades he could possibly get, in order to transfer into Criminology next year.

"Late night study session, I assume?" Kaori asked him.

"Yeah. I can't slack off. I finished all my assignments for Psych, so I have some time to catch up on all the Criminology stuff. And since I can't sleep anyway..." he answered and grinned. Kaori chuckled and shook his head. His hair was sticking out wildly in all directions and she just knew he wouldn't even bother with it before going to university. His eyes were as tired as usual, which made his grin look almost scary.

"You do know you can get into Criminal Psychology with a Psych degree, right?" she remarked.

"Yeah, but I don't want to." he replied.

"Why not?"

"Because that's the route people go who aren't good enough to get into Criminology and are too lazy to try and get in the next year. And that's what it'll look like on my CV, too. And I know I can do better, because I really only had a blackout during the entrance exams. And I'm shit at interviews."

Kaori smiled at him. She always admired how determined Hitoshi could be and how he could look so unmotivated at the same time. He had always been the one working harder for what he wanted. Academics had always come easy to both of them, but more so to Kaori. Hitoshi really had to crunch to keep up.

"I assume you're heading into uni early today?" he asked looking at the scrambled up clothes in Kaori's arms.

"Yeah, just trying to kill some time, so mum and dad won't get suspicious, in case they hear the shower." she said and yawned. Fuck, she needed a coffee. Extra strong and black, without any fancy milk or sugar or any of that shit.

"They won't wake up. I heard them come home at around 2 or something. They'll be fast asleep by now." Hitoshi replied. Kaori nodded.

"You taking the car?" he asked.

"Pfft, no."

"Are you sure? Did you look at the weather outside?"

Kaori got up and went up to the window. Was the weather really that bad? When she looked outside she saw heavy raindrops falling against the window. Judging from the puddles it had already been raining for quite a while. Kaori sighed.

"You know I hate driving." she said.

"Not my fault mum and dad managed to convince you to take the driving test." he replied and shrugged.

"It's just a little water, you won't die from getting a little wet..." Kaori answered, sounding much less convincing than she would have liked to. She knew exactly how much she hated to get wet and sit in class while feeling uncomfortable about just everything. Plus, it would get really cold and she might fall asleep during class from that.

"You know you don't mean that." Hitoshi said with a triumphant grin. Kaori sighed again. She knew that she would be driving the moment Hitoshi had brought it up. He just had a way about him to get people to do what he wanted. He used to be a real brat with that, but once he was mostly through puberty, he had gotten much better with it.

"Why don't you drive for once? You've got your provisional license and I would be qualified to come with you, you know." Kaori suggested.

"You really want me to drive your car and be on the passenger seat while I do that? Are you... are you okay? You know you can talk about it, if you're feeling suicidal, right?" Hitoshi replied. Kaori grabbed a pair of socks from the floor (hoping Hitoshi hadn't worn them yet, because... ugh) and threw them at his head, barely missing it. At least she messed up his hair. If there was even a way to mess it up.

"You're such a dick sometimes, you know that?" she said. Hitoshi just shrugged, pretending he didn't care. Kaori knew that he cared, he just didn't like showing it. He had always had this whole tough exterior thing going, but he was really a big softie at heart. Kaori knew because she was similar.

She remembered how distraught Hitoshi was when their cat died after they had gotten her as a kitten 14 years ago. He was crying in his bedroom for days and even skipped two days of uni for it. He barely ate. He had loved that cat more than life itself and he kept saying that he still wasn't ready to move on and get a new kitten. (Kaori knew that he had been looking at some ads online, though. She had caught him during lunch break in the canteen one time, when he wasn't fast enough to hide his phone.)

"Fine. I'll drive. If we die, it's on you, just for the record." Kaori said. Hitoshi gave her a heartfelt smile.

"Thanks, sis. I'll make sure it'll be mentioned at our funeral." he replied. Kaori glanced at the clock hanging at Hitoshi's wall. It was ticking loudly. She had always wondered how Hitoshi wasn't annoyed by this, but he kept insisting that it was relaxing him. It was 4.47 am. Even if her parents would wake up, it wouldn't be too early to find a suitable excuse. She walked back to the door.

"I'll go and take a shower then, I guess. Don't study too much, Toshi." she mumbled on her way out.

"I'll be fine."

#inside your mind #aizawa #fanfiction #shouta aizawa #shota aizawa #aizawa x oc #quirklessau #aizawa fanfiction #hitoshi shinso #shinsou #shinso #hitoshi shinsou #insomnia #university

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unikornu · 3 years

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🌹, 🍂, 💐, 🌺, 💫, ☄️ for Lucy? 🍁, 🌸, 💦 for Harrison?

Thank you kindly for the asks! Let’s go:

Lucy:

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

Home for Lucy is whenever she is sure no one from the fair distance and within same walls wants to stab her in her sleep. Nuka World under Harrison protection will be the most home-ish and safe place since also after the disciples wiping she did prove her worth and loyalty to the raider’s goals and now they no longer need to sleep with one eye open with Gage since Harrison is patrolling and staying up all nights and gang leaders might not have such a strong urge to betray her. Later eventually she will set up base back in Sanctuary in her mother’s home since they will need second solid base in Commonwealth and somewhere deep in the woods still lies a pre-war secret lab section that will be important for Harrison in order to understand the experiment and maintain his power as well as his body. A place where she can put down her guard, where she can sense presence of her boss and be sure Gage is also nearby will always be worth calling home but there are few places like this since later on her reputation will be more knowledgeable to wasteland folks and she will be on wanted list of sort.

So yeah what can i say...away from Nuka World home announcement for them would sound like so: A small blond lady along with a raider thug and tall grumpy old man looking for a warm cave to duck in without worry of being pitchforked by angry local settlers and half of the commonwealth. Ain’t many places they can call home, poor fuckers.

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with receiving affection from others?

Oh she secretly loves hugs and affection of any kind but keeps in mind its better to leave them for very few and private moments. Besides how the hell that would make her look in society she is stuck with. Harrison and type of her job forced her to strip her mind from emotions as they were useless and making her weak but once the events calmed down they do come at peace and leave that part behind. With friends in public like Lizzie she will bump against their shoulder with a smile or chuckle, its safe in public and still reflects that she feels good in their company. With Harrison she will just bury herself in deep fatherly hug when gone for a few days, especially he is very tall and big so its like hugging a yao guai just in a brown thick coat. And because she never had a good father experience that hug will mean a world to them. With Gage she knows he has a hard time to be soft fucker but as the time goes on, the affection switches from small things, like checking his patch out and forcing to help taking care of his wounds too, not just hers, into letting down the bitch tough face and raider stiff attitude. Inviting him for the drink, just two of them, closing the distance and ending up just resting against his chest or sleeping hugged to his back. If the urge is strong and rules can go fuck themselves she will just charge at him and let all that sweet stuffed in her chest love drown him.

As for people who didn’t reach yet friend level any kind of touching contact which doesn’t involve knife is for her a way to show affection. Be it soft fist bump in their arm, fast shoulder shake or very split millisecond side hug. Hell, even if she smiles at them its already a good sign, and in a humane soft manner, not the smirky bitch one. If her resting bitch face goes away its already a fantastic sign and promising future she won’t stab them later on.

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

If you tell her to do that when there is shiet to be done and there almost always is in her mind you will see a constant middle finger, raised from the bed and the moment you turn around or leave she will be gone, sneaking away to get at least her knife and try to leave outside. She was raised to fulfill mission, no matter what so a stupid cold or broken bone is suppose to nail her in place. Fuck no, she can’t right? She can’t be that weak even if pain sweats her eyes. Gage learns slowly her urges as with each park taken he sees her taking extreme solutions to many situations, not thinking about possible bad outcomes so when the really bad cold catches her or she got badly wounded again he will be the one yelling at her to stop that shit. Aside from usual care like shoving injections or closing wounds and occasional cooking he will be constantly ensuring her that she can close both eyes shut and get an actual restful sleep, that he is on the watch and nothing out there waits to kill her when she ain’t looking. World neither will fall apart in flames if she will be gone in dreams for few hours. With Harrison come back that part is becoming easier as the simple sharp look in his eyes of mixed care and threat is convincing enough to put that knife down and shove her ass back in bed. With Gage guarding the Fizztop and Harrison overlooking the rest of the town there is no way of sneaking out and in this case it would be a bit ungrateful since they both put so much effort for her.

She is better at taking care of others than herself tho if these are in her social circle. She doesn’t need to force herself, it comes natural to her. She will switch in a second from a vicious bitch to a caring bitch. Trying even to overcome her lack of cooking skills to deliver something warm and edible to that person if need. If she can’t get that fucking soup perfect for shit she will threaten and kidnap a local masterchef of sort to make and teach her how to do it. She means well but...ya remember her empathy can have weird and extreme outcomes.

Lol imagining like someone being under her care when sick and they go to the bathroom and spot a chef cook in a kitchen chained to a fucking stove cooking some good shit and Lucy siting at the table reading a cooking recipe and pointing a pistol at them.

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

Normally she would drink or take calmex right away but she slowly tries to give up on that addiction as they do more harm than good. Having Gage or Harrison around will help to break that thought if she can either crawl up to Porter’s bed or wake him up to ensure that everything is real and alright or kindly ask Harrison to watch over her as he doesn’t need to sleep. Maybe he looks like a nightmare in a dark but its her nightmare she is familiar with.

If alone tho she will struggle, she hates to be alone for too long. If fear strikes her at battlefield she will try to cover her fear and damp it down with anger instead, psycho or fury could help and she isn’t addicted to it as to calmex so that’s one way out but stupid. If its just a nightmare in a middle of a night she won’t go immediately to sleep but walk around, talking to herself and convincing it was just a dream, grab a mannequin, do a silly dance with it, anything silly to relax a mind and take it off the stress and that nightmare. A shot of booze won’t hurt as long as it ends up on just one but it rarely does. Reassurance is her best ally in these beside she is too big of a girl for comforting items like an old plush puppet found in some certain treehouse back in Sancturary....right...riiiiight? ._.

💫What is your favorite fact about this character and why?

I think the simple fact that she is kind of evil oc and she knows about it. I don’t think there is many characters of this kind out there but i might be wrong. Since childhood i was trying to strike best - peaceful outcomes in games and so on but later on i started to sympathize with actual villains, be it games and stories. They can be full of surprises and complex in a interesting way, prove to be actually powerful allies as well and in general they talk to me more than a basic superman trying to strike for a world peace.

☄️ Does this OC deserve better treatment from you? Do you make them suffer just a little bit too much? Be nice to them!

Oh ye, ofc she deserves better, she wants hugs, friends, she is bad but she wants a warm treatment too from time to time, she still have emotions ;c Me, the creator, Uni, i’m horrible to her. I burned her hands too, like noooooo you can’t just wear gloves all the time for no reason, lets do smth bout it that will fit with all that dedication ya willing to push yourself in a fight no matter the consequences. Get burned bitch. Anyway, i’m taking her off the calmex addiction, giving her Harrison back as a better man who wants to protect her and do braids on her hair and softening the stinky to a level of a warm wet piece of trash, maybe getting some actual friends on a way. The pages on a start were focus more on a action and game lore kind off and just parks themselves but now with last page i finally get to actually break down and slow the shit to get to more emotional level, at least i hope to get it that way.

Now Harrison time:

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themselves? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favorite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

Sadly he will be very lost at the start to find this kind of spot as he popped into the world from nowhere, just finally doing the separation from Lucy to a nearby old synth skeleton in a heat of a fight situation. Since the disciples base got a vacancy and cleaning it up feels too much of an effort for the rest of gangs he decided to make this place his comfort zone as its fairly close to Feit base but still separated behind walls, no windows to peek in for curious ones. He can’t sleep so he has a plenty of time to make it his corner. The only things he posses are his memories so he will just meditate there and surround himself with all the good moments from the past, adding the new ones to the collection, keeping his humanity on check and all the urges balanced. Also trying new tricks with his powers feels safe to do it there, the telekinetic ones especially since the place is spacey and there ain’t much to break. He doesn’t want to go too far away even if he needs a moment, he always has in the back of his head the need to be close when problems arise.

Personally on a side note i struggle to think of an explanation to the Nuka World leaders and overall people there as to how Lucy will explain to them...who the fuck he is and why he is there and where he came from and why give him a disciple base. Like...saying a truth to Gage is easier since they run together but the rest? She can’t even say he is her lost-found father since they don’t even look like family.

🌸 What are some of their favorite things and why? List as many as you can think of!

There won’t too many as he just got off but some basic stuff i know for now:

- sweet snacks, whiskey and smokes as he still remembers these tastes from pre-war: just being softie for these small habits and diet sins

- being in charge, keeping order around due to his profession, even if times changes he still keeps the attitude and he just likes it

- training the newbie raiders, pointing out mistakes to Porter, advising Lucy on some combat moves and tips: it might feel like he is being proud, all knowing but he actually is hell of a experienced smart fighter, don’t get fooled by his age either, he just enjoys training people under him and see them improve

- proving Porter wrong: oh boy they really don’t like each other at the start

- doing dem braids, he starts to have a soft spot for going father mode

- even if he isn’t fully human he takes care of his “shell”, perfectly shaving, keeping his shirts clean and smooth, overall he enjoys that “self care” routine even it it might feel silly in the wasteland and due to the fact who he is

💦 If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why?

Probably killing his son. The experiment would get to him one way or another since he would get suspicious what kind of shady business is going on in police department and asking too many questions and stuffing nose in corners he shouldn’t would eventually lead anyway to his assassination and still giving his body for that experiment resulting in same outcome but the sudden trauma and speed of events is what pushed him out of there, taking control of himself and situation also resulting in his nature softening and toning down, knowing he doesn’t have much left and it can be lost at any moment.

#rockshortage #soft ask meme #thank you!#lucy feit #harrison #been a while but its a good warm up every time

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weltenwellen · 4 years

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Hi hope you’re well! I’m the girl taking about emotionally immature parents. I had problems of self harm neither them or anyone else knows about it it went on for like 3 years with breaks here and there I was having problems in uni for my dyslexia I had no real friends it was hard now I’m almost one year clean but I need to get away from my home somehow cause I feel stuck and I have to fake it everyday I’m behind in uni and things are still not easy. Can you give me some advices?

2: I hope the ask I send about self harm is not to much for you rn and it doesn’t bother you in this case I’m truly sorry. Anyway thank you so much for answering before and for all the good you do with this blog is beautiful!

hi :) no, i don’t mind talking about the topic of self harm. i am glad you do not physically self harm yourself anymore, but i would caution maybe a little on viewing self harm as a physical thing only. i think it’s important to notice while you might not engage in self harming yourself, there might still be behavior and thoughts that belong on the spectrum of self harm and self sabotage. just because you have been able to stop a behavior, does not mean your thought patterns have dissolved. we can refrain or hold out from doing something, but it does not mean we have dealt with the underlying thoughts and emotions that have pushed us towards a certain habit or behavior. by telling me you have not told anybody about your self harm in the 3 years you have engaged in it & also not in the year now that you’ve stopped, tells me that it might not be something that has been laid to rest. you will need to talk about your self harm and will need to talk about the underlying reason why you have harmed yourself. do not get me wrong that i would push you in any way to do so, but from years of experience with shame… it does not dissolve magically one day, more the opposite and it will separate you from anything and anyone until you begin to talk about the things that you are trying to hide and feel shame about. (brené brown’s books are really good in regards to the topics of shame and vulnerability. she has ted talks and some wonderful podcast episodes too.).

i still deal with shame about my scars, at times of course self harming thoughts. the awareness is different though. self harm is turning against yourself. but for me i think sometimes the worst moment was not when i started physically self harming, it was abandoning myself before i started. to come back from self abandonment takes a very very long time. sometimes i don’t think you’ll ever come completely back all the way, other times i still think i am on my way back ( that is to say it’s been about 10 years ago that i started self harming, so have patience with yourself).

now in regards to your parents. yes, you need to move out. i think you’ve taken on a role in your family that is not true to your authentic self. you’re exhausted and annoyed to keep playing a role and it could be a major stressor in your life. give yourself space. it takes time to get back to yourself and figure out what you like, what you want and who you want to become. if you’re raised to fit into a certain role because your parents emotional immaturity then you might just begin to find a piece of yourself that feels true to your real, authentic self. in unhealthy family dynamics you cannot change the role you have been given. you’ll be stuck until you take physical space for yourself to figure yourself, but also take a new perspective on your family dynamic. you might think you’ve started to figure out how your family works, but from personal experience, you might still be standing right in front of the picture looking at a tiny dot. take some steps back.

in regards to uni, that’s a tough one. uni is hard, it can be pretty lonely experience at first when you’re not a social butterfly. i think you should start by moving out & being patient with yourself & if there is a counsel at uni please visit him or her & if you could seek a therapist. you need to not only talk about your self harm, but also and especially you need to talk about the relationship to your parents. there is shame there, but also anger maybe for being misunderstood or them not being like you wish they were, hurt maybe but also beautiful emotions of joy and happiness. there are knots of emotions that need to be untangled. when you resolve what is troubling you inside then you become more free to engage with people outside, you’re more open and people will be more open in return.

as for uni work: i’m always behind, i write everything last minute. if feel like you’re studying the right topic for yourself, just keep at it. it’s not smooth sailing. set realistic goals in specific courses, not the perfect goals. that said that advice is hypocritical coming from the shame based motivated perfectionist (!!!). maybe take a step with uni in seeking a study group or an activity group.

i hope this helps at least a tiny tiny bit & i hope you’re able to experiencing a sunny sunday. i’m sending you lots of love :))

#Anonymous

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coffeebased · 4 years

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Hey! Wikathon na! I’ve started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir like I said I would. I’ve finished reading HtN but I’m not quite done experiencing it, so I’ll probably pick Relocations back up tomorrow.

But here’s what I read in July! What’s a segue?

1. Haikyu!! Volume 44 and 45 by Haruichi Furudate

A chance event triggered Shouyou Hinata’s love for volleyball. His club had no members, but somehow persevered and finally made it into its very first and final regular match of middle school, where it was steamrolled by Tobio Kageyama, a superstar player known as “King of the Court.”

Vowing revenge, Hinata applied to the Karasuno High School volleyball club… only to come face-to-face with his hated rival, Kageyama!

And with those two volumes, Haikyū has ended. I’m really glad that my cousin got me to catch up to the series because being a part of the sheer joy and love that’s poured out the fandom these past few months has been refreshing to my spirit. I enjoyed the way Furudate brought the series to its conclusion, by giving all the characters a future and room to grow. I hope to hear more from him in the upcoming years.

2. Looking for Group by Alexis Hall

I read Looking for Group because I was reading up on Alexis Hall in anticipation of Boyfriend Material, which I will talk about later, and saw the synopsis:

So, yeah, I play Heroes of Legend, y’know, the MMO. I’m not like obsessed or addicted or anything. It’s just a game. Anyway, there was this girl in my guild who I really liked because she was funny and nerdy and a great healer. Of course, my mates thought it was hilarious I was into someone I’d met online. And they thought it was even more hilarious when she turned out to be a boy IRL. But the joke’s on them because I still really like him.

And now that we’re together, it’s going pretty well. Except sometimes I think Kit—that’s his name, sorry I didn’t mention that—spends way too much time in HoL. I know he has friends in the guild, but he has me now, and my friends, and everyone knows people you meet online aren’t real. I mean. Not Kit. Kit’s real. Obviously.

Oh, I’m Drew, by the way. This is sort of my story. About how I messed up some stuff and figured out some stuff. And fell in love and stuff.

And I knew that I had to read it. Immediately.

I enjoyed it way too much. The characters were adorable, the conflict was done well, the geeky gamer wrapper was AMAZING and the author never dropped the ball on integrating the online game into the narrative. It was very readable and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the book immensely. I also may have spent a heady week or so thinking of playing WoW, but I avoided that temptation. Made me miss uni too, and the way my friends and I would spend countless hours with each other.

3. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Wanted: One (fake) boyfriend Practically perfect in every way

Luc O’Donnell is tangentially–and reluctantly–famous. His rock star parents split when he was young, and the father he’s never met spent the next twenty years cruising in and out of rehab. Now that his dad’s making a comeback, Luc’s back in the public eye, and one compromising photo is enough to ruin everything.

To clean up his image, Luc has to find a nice, normal relationship…and Oliver Blackwood is as nice and normal as they come. He’s a barrister, an ethical vegetarian, and he’s never inspired a moment of scandal in his life. In other words: perfect boyfriend material. Unfortunately apart from being gay, single, and really, really in need of a date for a big event, Luc and Oliver have nothing in common. So they strike a deal to be publicity-friendly (fake) boyfriends until the dust has settled. Then they can go their separate ways and pretend it never happened.

But the thing about fake-dating is that it can feel a lot like real-dating. And that’s when you get used to someone. Start falling for them. Don’t ever want to let them go.

I came into this book with high expectations after Looking for Group, and my expectations were mostly met. The few issues I had were ultimately negligible, probably cultural differences or conventions of a genre that I’m not familiar with. The characters were strong, and I found the book funny. I know it sounds as though I’m damning it with faint praise, so I’ll say it plainly: it was an enjoyable read and I was totally invested in the romance. I think it’ll make a really good film as well.

4. The Subtweet by Vivek Shraya

Everyone talks about falling in love, but falling in friendship can be just as captivating. When Neela Devaki’s song is covered by internet-famous artist Rukmini, the two musicians meet and a transformative friendship begins. But as Rukmini’s star rises and Neela’s stagnates, jealousy and self-doubt creep in. With a single tweet, their friendship implodes, one career is destroyed, and the two women find themselves at the center of an internet firestorm.

Celebrated multidisciplinary artist Vivek Shraya’s second novel is a stirring examination of making art in the modern era, a love letter to brown women, an authentic glimpse into the music industry, and a nuanced exploration of the promise and peril of being seen.

If you’re a millennial and if you’ve ever had complicated friendships, this book will ring really true for most of it, I think. I kept wincing at the characters’ actions and “mistakes”, recognising them as things I or my friends have done, but there are portions of the story that I found inaccessible because Neela, the main character, just seems really opaque even when they’re the ones speaking. The music Shraya made as a companion to the book slaps and can be found here.

5. Empowered 11 by Adam Warren

Costumed crimefighter Empowered finds herself the desperate prey of a maniacal supervillain whose godlike powers have turned an entire city of suprahumans against her.

Not good! Outnumbered and under siege, aided only by a hero’s ghost, can Emp survive the relentless onslaught long enough to free her enslaved teammates and loved ones, or is this–*gulp*–The End?

From comics overlord Adam Warren comes Empowered, the acclaimed sexy superhero comedy–except when it isn’t, as in this volume’s no-nonsense, wall-to-wall brawl guaranteed to bring tears to the eye and fists to the face!

Warren’s tying up a lot of loose ends and answering a lot of questions and I’m wondering if that means Empowered‘s ending soon. I haven’t seen any info regarding this, even though the words “The End” are right there in the summary, because comic books always lean on the whole the hero could die! thing, and more often than not they never do. But Emp has come so far in the past 11 volumes, and I think that she’s ready to confront a lot of the stuff that Warren’s only hinted at in the past. Most of Empowered is about how Emp deals with failure and how she rises above it, and recently it’s become about how other people have failed her, rather than how she has failed, and how she deserves better. I’m worried about her, but at least we are another volume’s worth of evidence for the Emp/Thugboy/Ninjette OT3.

6. Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

The iconic author of the bestselling phenomenon Crazy Rich Asians returns with a glittering tale of love and longing as a young woman finds herself torn between two worlds–the WASP establishment of her father’s family and George Zao, a man she is desperately trying to avoid falling in love with.

On her very first morning on the jewel-like island of Capri, Lucie Churchill sets eyes on George Zao and she instantly can’t stand him. She can’t stand it when he gallantly offers to trade hotel rooms with her so that she can have the view of the Tyrrhenian Sea, she can’t stand that he knows more about Curzio Malaparte than she does, and she really can’t stand it when he kisses her in the darkness of the ancient ruins of a Roman villa and they are caught by her snobbish, disapproving cousin, Charlotte. “Your mother is Chinese so it’s no surprise you’d be attracted to someone like him,” Charlotte teases. Daughter of an American-born-Chinese mother and blue-blooded New York father, Lucie has always sublimated the Asian side of herself in favor of the white side, and she adamantly denies having feelings for George. But several years later, when George unexpectedly appears in East Hampton where Lucie is weekending with her new fiancé, Lucie finds herself drawn to George again. Soon, Lucy is spinning a web of deceit that involves her family, her fiancé, the co-op board of her Fifth Avenue apartment, and ultimately herself as she tries mightily to deny George entry into her world–and her heart. Moving between summer playgrounds of privilege, peppered with decadent food and extravagant fashion, Sex and Vanity is a truly modern love story, a daring homage to A Room with a View, and a brilliantly funny comedy of manners set between two cultures.

This was the third romance novel I read in July, and that’s honestly the highest concentration of romance novel I’ve ever had in my life. I know that I’m supposed to find romance novels like super kilig and stuff, but so far I am just very anxious for romance novel protagonists all the time. I think that the whole thing about the romance novels I have read is that they’re mostly about how deeply anxious people learn how to allow themselves to be loved and that is tough! I wanted to protect Lucie all the time! I was Invested in her Welfare, and I don’t think I cared about Rachel Chu from Crazy Rich Asians half as much, even if you condensed all my attachment from the entire trilogy. Also, small spoiler, there is a hint that Sex and Vanity is in the same universe as Crazy Rich Asians, which I think is awesome.

6. Trust Exercise by Susan Choi

Pulitzer Finalist Susan Choi’s narrative-upending novel about what happens when a first love between high school students is interrupted by the attentions of a charismatic teacher

In an American suburb in the early 1980s, students at a highly competitive performing arts high school struggle and thrive in a rarified bubble, ambitiously pursuing music, movement, Shakespeare, and, particularly, their acting classes. When within this striving “Brotherhood of the Arts,” two freshmen, David and Sarah, fall headlong into love, their passion does not go unnoticed—or untoyed with—by anyone, especially not by their charismatic acting teacher, Mr. Kingsley.

The outside world of family life and economic status, of academic pressure and of their future adult lives, fails to penetrate this school’s walls—until it does, in a shocking spiral of events that catapults the action forward in time and flips the premise upside-down. What the reader believes to have happened to David and Sarah and their friends is not entirely true—though it’s not false, either. It takes until the book’s stunning coda for the final piece of the puzzle to fall into place—revealing truths that will resonate long after the final sentence.

As captivating and tender as it is surprising, Trust Exercise will incite heated conversations about fiction and truth, friendships and loyalties, and will leave readers with wiser understandings of the true capacities of adolescents and of the powers and responsibilities of adults.

This is a book I could not stop reading and I felt gross after I finished it. I think that I enjoyed it and that the narrative flips were well-done and it was engaging, but Choi writes teenage trauma in 3D, and you can smell her scumbag characters. Very good will never read again unless looking to feel bad.

Re-read:

Temeraire: His Majesty’s Dragon, Throne of Jade, Black Powder War, andEmpire of Ivory by Naomi Novik

Aerial combat brings a thrilling new dimension to the Napoleonic Wars as valiant warriors ride mighty fighting dragons, bred for size or speed. When HMS Reliant captures a French frigate and seizes the precious cargo, an unhatched dragon egg, fate sweeps Captain Will Laurence from his seafaring life into an uncertain future – and an unexpected kinship with a most extraordinary creature. Thrust into the rarified world of the Aerial Corps as master of the dragon Temeraire, he will face a crash course in the daring tactics of airborne battle. For as France’s own dragon-borne forces rally to breach British soil in Bonaparte’s boldest gambit, Laurence and Temeraire must soar into their own baptism of fire.

I started re-reading it because I wanted to introduce it to my girlfriend, and I outpaced her very quickly, and selfishly. She’s still at the beginning fourth of Throne of Jade, and I feel like I blinked and gulped down four of the books in quick succession. I had to stop myself after Empire, in a very belated effort to sync up to my gf’s progress. The series is amazing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever read one like Temeraire again. Being able to revisit it should be enough, really, because every time I do it’s as though I’m caught up in a strong and wonderful wind that fills me up with delight and awe. Novik’s starting a new series this September, and I hope it’s just as good.

That’s it for July! I’m probably going to do two books at a time for my Wikathon posts, just to keep things fresh and current, so keep a weather eye out for those posts!

July, next verse, same as the first Hey! Wikathon na! I've started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through…

#books #books 2 #reading #reading 2

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balenciagastones · 4 years

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the long run - for hannah

okay so quick preface before anyone’s confused, adri wrote this for me and ive just cried for about 20 minutes over it lmao, this is just what i needed today 🥺🥺 thank you so so so much, i love it 🥺😭 xx

If you would’ve told Eric 5 years ago that he’d be sat here with the girl of his dreams and their three beautiful kids on holiday in Greece he would’ve told you you were crazy, but now looking at Hannah with their twins sitting under the umbrella has him and his first baby made a sandcastle he wouldn’t wanna be any other place.

But let's start from the beginning.

Let's start on that rainy Tuesday morning, where it all began, where Eric was up bright and early for training, early enough to catch a quick coffee at his favorite shop before heading into Enfield. Walking in and having the barista take his order and waiting on his phone on the side for it to be ready. That’s when SHE walked in.

Rushing in from the rain, pulling off the hood of her jacket to reveal her beautiful long light brown hair that flowed down her back. Her bag holding books for uni that desperately needed studying, her ordering was what caught his attention making him look up from his phone and studying her as she ordered. He saw the big smile on her face as she politely greeted the barista and kindly ordered her drink before heading over in his direction, immediately giving him a smile which he returned. He thought she was just exceptionally beautiful, he could already feel the happiness she radiated off, just an amazing energy and he wanted to know more.

He turned his head towards her and sparked up a conversation catching her off guard making himself chuckle.

“Hi, I’m Eric.” He put his hand out.

“I’m Hannah, nice to meet you Eric.” she grabbed his hand and what felt like fireworks shot through his arm and made him smile wide, a smile which she returned almost twice as big.

A bit of small talk with coffee and a rushed exchange of numbers, he could tell this was gonna be the start of something beautiful.

After flirty texts, long phone calls, late facetime sessions and weekly dates that fit both their schedules you can say that they were each falling, and hard. Eric couldn’t keep the smile off his face when thinking about her, and everyone around him noticed. Dele telling him that he’s already whipped and all Eric could do in response was shrug, immediately going into a spell of stories about what him and Hannah talked about that morning while on the phone on his way to training. Normally Dele would roll his eyes and just make fun of him but he could see the glint in his best friend’s eyes that told him that even just after a few weeks this girl was the one. “Do you love her?” Deles question took Eric off guard and speechless. “I-i..” he took a pause immediately bringing her to mind, thinking of the cute little faces she makes during their facetimes, the way she talked that made his stomach flipped, her smile that could make even a big man like him go weak, her bubbly personality that he could hardly believe fit in her little body, and then it hit him. “I think i do,” it was the first time he actually admitted his feelings to himself this quickly. “I love her. “ “You love her.” Dele repeated, a smile coming to his face at his best friends realization. “I gotta tell her, I’m gonna call her to schedule a date night with her tonight, tell the gaffer ill be there in 5 minutes.” Dele nodded and chuckled as he saw Eric run off to call Hannah.

When Eric called her in the middle of when he was supposed to be training she got worried something had happened, she didn’t expect him to say “im picking you up at 8, we’re gonna go out to dinner, please say yes.” and she didn’t give it a second thought. So there she was dressed up looking herself in the mirror when Eric texted her that he was there to pick her up, and like always he was at the door waiting for her and greeted her with a kiss. She could tell something was up on the drive to the restaurant. He had one that had intertwined with hers like always but the hand on the steering wheel was tapping its fingers against it anxiously. She thought maybe he had a tough training session so she brought his hand to her lips placing a gentle kiss to his knuckles seemingly calming him as he looked over and smiled at her. When they reached the restaurant he opened the car door for her and was the perfect gentleman like always. Throughout the whole dinner he seemed a bit more calm, due to her presence, making him laugh and smile the whole night through. After they ordered dessert however she grabbed his hand and asked the question on her mind, “Soo what do i owe the pleasure of this quick planned dinner date?” she rose her eyebrows at him as she sipped her wine. He cleared his throat and chuckled a bit, “I just wanted to take my lovely girlfriend out for dinner..” her eyes screamed ‘spill it’ so he cleared his throat once again before asking for both her hands, which she put in his, “the real reason we came out was because this morning in training i realized something, I realized how amazing I feel when youre on my mind, I realized how calm and happy you make me constantly, and if i could shout it on a rooftop i would, Hannah, I love you.” He could see the tears in her eyes and he leaned over to wipe them from her eyes. “Dont cry pretty girl.” “Theyre happy tears I promise, I-i I love you too Eric.” If you think you’ve seen Eric’s biggest smile, youre wrong, his face beamed as he leaned over even more to plant a kiss on her lips right before the dessert came and then heading to his home where the two of them showed each other just how much they loved the other.

Fast forward a couple months in and he’d say he had never been more right about the day they met. It was the North London Derby and Hannah was in the stands, yes the stands, stood next to his younger brothers while wearing a big 15 with Dier on her back. Cheering for him at the top of her lungs whenever he even got a touch on the ball. The game ending in their favor 3-2 with Eric scoring the winner, and he had never seen such excitement in her eyes then when she told him the story of when City won the league, with her going out to celebrate it. She met him in the tunnel, and ran towards his arms before he can make it inside the changing room, he caught her in his big arms and spun her around before smashing his lips on hers quickly before putting her down. Him promising her he’d be quick so they can head home so she stood there with Emilia, the two of them becoming just as close as there partners were, waiting for both of their men to come out, Dele coming out first and letting her know Eric was just behind him. She bid them goodbye before turning back and there he was, her man. She couldn’t help herself she pulled his neck down for a longer kiss earning a whistle from Lamela and pat on the shoulder from Winksy as they headed out. Lamela shouting, “Dier is getting some tonightttt!” making you both chuckle as you broke from the kiss.

“Oh yes he is.” she whispered with a smirk on her lips making him peck her one more time whispering back, “god I love you” before scooping her in his arms and carrying her to the car for a very long night of celebration, if you know what i mean.

Fast forward 3 more months and their sat on his sofa for their weekly movie night. Bowl of popcorn in her lap as she was laid back on his chest, clad in his t-shirt that looked more like a dress on her due to his large size. The two of them were chatting here and there and he couldn’t help but notice how comfortable she was.

And no not just in his arms, but in general, she was here most nights, becoming accustomed to being in his arms during the night, both of them confessing to each other that they both got the best sleep when the other was next to them, she had an extra set of toiletries and entire makeup bag upstairs in his bathroom, articles of clothing that she would accidentally leave around that he would call to tell her she forgot and she would just tell him to keep it there so she would have some of her own clothes there even tho she much preferred wearing his all over the house and he wasn’t complaining. He also couldn’t stop thinking about how he loved the days she would have off from uni and just hang out at his place all day while he went to training, always coming home to her cooking or studying always wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her neck and mumbling “I could get used to this” making her giggle and turn her neck to plant a kiss on his lips. God how he wanted those days to be every day, he wanted her to come home from long school days so he can spoil her from head to toe and make her feel all relaxed when she was stressed. He wanted to wake up to her beautiful face every day for the rest of his life. And he was gonna make it happen.

He leaned down to press a kiss on her shoulder and her neck whispering “Pretty girl,” she hummed in response as she chewed on some popcorn, “move in with me.” She almost choked at his words and whipped her head back to look at him. “Are you being serious?” her eyes scanning his face for any sign that his question was a joke. “Deadly,” he cupped her face before continuing, “Hannah, I want to wake up to your gorgeous little face every morning and I wanna come home knowing you’ll be here or knowing you’ll walk through that front door right after me. If it’s too much too fast then it’s oka-” she cut him off with a kiss. Saying “you’re cute when you start going on tangents,” against his lips, “I’d love to move in with you.” A huge smile spread across his face as he kissed her one more time, so passionately it sent a shiver down her spine. The two so in love it radiated off them, he really was at his happiest in that moment.

After the move in it felt like everything was where it should be, month of the two of them as happy as can be, always there for each other through the rough training sessions, to the long study hours, the wins and losses, the bad and good marks, through every minor injury or every bad day, they were together through thick and thin.

Which didn’t change when Hannah was sick for 3 days straight. Eric sitting next to her holding her hair as she threw her guts up in the toilet, rubbing her back telling her it’ll pass soon. The two of them sitting on the bathroom floor, her in his lap feeling awful as he kissed her forehead trying to make her feel better, thats when she started crying. Tears hitting his shoulder making him pull her face to look up at him.

“Whats wrong beautiful?”

“What if its not a stomach bug E, what if… what if i could be pregnant?” she couldn’t look at his face, she buried her face in his neck again still spilling tears. He just soothed her and said “If that’s the case then we’ll get through it, together, I promise.” she looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes and pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you E.” “I love you more pretty girl.”

And he kept his promise, being there when she took the test, when the timer rang anf the both of them looked at the positive test in front of them, the both of them crying knowing that Hannah was now carrying a little creation of their love, Eric immediately getting on his knees pulling up her shirt pressing a kiss to her tummy even though she wasn’t showing yet. Mumbling “me and your mummy already love you so much.”

He didn’t know how he could love her any more than he did, seeing her through every appointment, seeing the little bump form on her body just made her more beautiful if that was even possible, she was carrying his baby and he couldn’t contain his happiness, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he couldn’t wait.

So 4 months later there were the both of them smiling for the endless photographs that their families were taken the day of he graduation, both families becoming so close from the moment they met, both moms planning the wedding that same night. “Do you think they have enough pics, my feet hurt.” she whispered making him laugh giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Probably not after this.” he whispered making her look at him confused, and then he got on one knee taking something out of his pocket making her gasp, her hand immediately going to her growing baby bump.

“Hannah, you are the love of my life, the only girl who can make me a big softie around the boys, the light in my life that i can’t get enough of, and youre the mother of our baby growing inside of you, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of out lives together… so what im asking is, will you marry me?” she flashed the big ring to her and she swore she was sobbing at this point only being able to nod as he flashed another big smile getting up and slipping the ring on her finger giving her a big passionate kiss. Pulling away to see their families taking loads of pics and videos of the amazing moment. “I love you so much.” she breathed out as he wiped the tears from her face. “And I love you so much more.”

“We’re getting married!” she exclaimed, making everyone laugh.

5 months later and they were sitting on the sofa watching the city game on the television, her still a bit grumpy she cant wear her jersey due to the big belly, she was already one week past her due date with their little girl and she couldn’t wait til the day came to pop her out, the doctor said it could happen any day but as Eric liked to say that their little girl wanted to stay in the little home Hannah created for her over the past months, “Well this little home’s rent is way past due and it time for her to be evicted.” she would grumble.

So there she sat in a little tank top and a pair of Eric’s joggers rolled up at the waist waiting for the second half to start, Eric getting up to get her some more crips and some water hearing her say to her belly, “if city win you have to come out today please.” making him chuckle as he walked back to her handing her the snack. He sat next to her resting his head on her shoulder and rubbing her belly like he always did, this little gesture had become one of her favorite things of his, always making her feel relaxed as well as it being able to calm the little baby when she would have a kick fest inside of Hannah. She smiled down at him and placed a kiss on his head.

The second half and there was city immediately gaining possession of the ball with Foden making a pass directly for KDB perfectly netting the ball making Hannah jump up and celebrate and thats when she felt it, a sharp pain and wet between her legs, “Ow fuck!” Eric immediately standing up asking if she was okay, looking down and seeing the stain on the joggers from her water breaking, “I knew our little girl would be a city fan, ah in your face.. Ow!” she laughed and winced at the same time

“Okay im grabbing the bags, start heading to the car.” she nodded as she waddled over to the fron door and opening it waiting at the car for eric. After he helped her in they rushed to the hospital, calling their families and Dele and Emilia on the way there, the responses being that they’ll be there. Getting there was a breeze though Hannah’s contractions were every 4 minutes. The doctor had her in the room as soon as they got there and said she was almost ready to push.

And 6 hours later Arden Primrose Dier came into the world and her parents couldn’t be more wrapped around her little finger. As Eric liked to say she was the spitting image of her mother with a dash of Dier hair, and he loved her endlessly. Everytime he held her little body, tears would well up in his eyes not believing he made this precious little one. His two girls becoming his world and he vowed to love and protect them always.

10 months later Eric was stood at the end of aisle with Dele next to him, his brothers amongst his groomsmen. Seeing his baby girl being carried by his sister in her little flower girl dress, cooing at her daddy as he made a face at her.

And then the music started, he took a deep breathe and then he saw her, linked arms with her grandad in her gorgeous white dress, no sleeves and a small deep V, flowery lace throughout the gown. He couldnt keep his emotions in, tearing up at the sight of the love of his life that was about to marry him and be his forever. Dele pat his shoulder smiling at him. Her grandad shaking his hand and kissing his granddaughter on her cheek so proud of her and the man she would call her husband. The whole ceremony was so beautiful, and then came the vows, leaving no dry eye in the whole venue.

Eric went first. “Hannah, I remember the day we met like it was yesterday, you running in from the rain and immediately catching my attention, the way you immediately lit up the room with a smile on your face, I knew i just had to get to know to you, and i know that after you left that day you already had my heart. You’ve been with me through every high and low, always being my number one supporter except of course on matches against city,” everyone laughed as Hannah winked, “but whether its a win or a loss you are always by my side picking me up when i need it, you are the love of my life, and will be to the very end, I can never thank you enough for all the things youve done for me, including bringing in our little Arden into the world, there is no one I would rather have random dance competitions in the car with, I love you Hannah.”

“Wow how am i supposed to follow that,” she chuckled getting ready for her turn, “Eric, wow where do I start, first off I love you and secondly thank you, thank you for being mine, thank you for being there after every rough day where all i want is to be in your arms telling me that everything was going to be okay, thank you for being just you, the perfect man, the one of my dreams, thank you for always listening even if I’m just complaining about something you don’t know about, thank you for giving me Arden, and for being the best daddy to our beautiful girl, thank you for being there through the long nights where you told me to go to sleep but I would stay up til I would knock out studying, thank you for always taking me to bed and making sure i slept the whole night, thank you for being there evry step during pregnancy i know i was a bit difficult,” they both chuckled, “thank you for letting me be me, I don’t know what i would do without you Eric Dier and ever since our first meeting I knew you were the one and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us, I love you Eric.”

Everyone was just in awe of their love, wiping tears from their faces, the ceremony ending with him dipping her and kissing her more passionately than ever before.

The entire reception was a blast, Hannah changing into her silk white dress that Eric drooled over, whispering in her ear how much he already wanted to take it off her making her blush. They danced the night away, their first dance full of tears, Dele and Emilia’s speeches were each beautiful and Eric and Hannah wouldn’t want this night to be any other way.

As the night came to a close it was time for the bouquet toss, Hannah throwing it behind her and none other than Emilia caught it, making Eric and Winksy nudge Dele as he winked at his girlfriend. Hannah hugged her best friend before rejoining her now husband planting a kiss on his lips as they started to bid everyone goodnight. Wanting to savor their wedding night before they flew to Mykonos the next morning for their honeymoon. Giving one last kiss to Arden as she was staying with his parents while they were away they were ready

“Ready to go Mrs. Dier?” “Ready as i’ll ever be Mr. Dier.” he grabbed her hand as they made their way out of the reception venue.

Lets just say it was a very good night.

Their 10 day trip to Mykonos was so relaxing, staying at a private villa, days filled with love making and trips to the water, as well as nights filled with fancy dinners and more love making after wards. Coming home to their little girl with nice tans and a freshly wed glow to them.

2 months later and it was Arden’s first birthday, the two of you pulling out all the stops for your little one. The whole day going smoothly, and Arden was tuckered out by the end of the celebrations that evening. Hannah and Eric were too, laying next to each other on their shared bed as Hannah laid on her husband’s chest in silence, with him softly playing with her hair, all of a sudden she felt a churn in her stomach and the next thing she knew she was kneeling in front of the toilet with Eric holding her hair back.

“I’d say it was a bad reaction to some food but I was wrong last time.” they both chuckled as she rinsed her mouth out with mouth wash.

“Mr. Dier i think we made ourselves a honeymoon baby.” she laughed making him smile and pick her up and spinning her and giving her a kiss.

Little did they know at the first doctors ultrasound they’d find out some big news.

“Congrats you two, there are two healthy heart beats.”

“TWO?!” they both exclaimed making the doctor chuckle, “Yes, you’re carrying twins.”

“Guess we made two honeymoon babies.” Eric said making his wife slap his arm.

And 7 months later, she popped out two healthy fraternal twins, a boy, River Aspen Dier, and a girl, Eden Gravity Dier. River already the spitting image of his daddy and Eden looking like a perfect mix of the both of them.

Eric and Hannah’s hearts couldn’t be more full, Dele and Emilia bringing in Arden to meet her baby siblings and even at almost 2 she showed so much love towards them both.

Their lives were complete. Eric had everything he could have wished, with the girl of his dreams. They were in this for the long run and they were loving every minute of it.

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porkchop-ao3 · 5 years

Text

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 30)

On The Move Again...

Idk what to say about this chapter other than a little bit of fluff? A little bit of angst? A little bit of pissed off reader? Just.. mucho dialogue, as per usual with my stuff lmao.

Just wanna let y’all know that I go back to uni tomorrow (I start back really late, I’ve realised) and I’m going into my final year, so I will likely be busy. BUT, I hope to keep posting enough that you wont notice much of a difference, but yeah. If updates become a little less frequent, it’s not cause I’m getting bored of writing this :) side note... I’m so fucking ready to be done with university!

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

Arthur woke me up gently, dusting kisses over my face and petting my hair, whispering my name and rocking me in his arms to rouse me as delicately as birdsong. For about thirty blissful seconds I completely forgot about our circumstances, so enamoured with the feeling of waking up with him. This was something I had only done a handful of times but if this was every morning I would be a very happy woman.

"Good morning, angel. I'm sorry to wake you, but I gotta get up," he whispered to me, his hand still smoothing over the back of my head.

"I don't mind waking up if this is the first thing I see," I murmured sleepily, making him laugh.

"I gotta say, it was real nice for me too," he said, kissing my forehead once before wrapping his arms around me and rolling us over until he was above me, though dangerously close to the edge. He slammed a hand on the table next to us before we ended up on the floor together and we laughed as he shuffled us back into the middle of the bed.

"I don't want us to get up," I sighed.

"Me neither, but we gotta figure out what's happening with Jack," he said, and it all came tumbling back to me.

"Oh God, yeah, you know I was almost at peace for a second," I grunted, dropping my head back against the bed and trailing my hands up Arthur's sides.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, nestling his face against my neck and inhaling deeply. "I can hear Dutch out there. I ought to go out and talk with 'em, hopefully he's figured something out."

"Alright," I whispered, patting his back a couple of times before releasing him.

With a groan Arthur pushed himself up and off of me, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stretching, rolling his neck and grunting as his joints popped. His jaw stretched open with a yawn, one which I caught and mimicked shortly after. I shifted to join him sitting up, and after taking a moment to straighten out our clothes and tidy our hair, we rose to our feet and emerged from the tent. It struck me how shameless we seemed to suddenly be about what was going on between the two of us. It had gone unspoken, but I believed both of us had frankly stopped caring about who knew and who didn't.

Regardless, nobody noticed us leaving the tent together, too preoccupied to care, thankfully. Dutch, Hosea and John were sat around the table talking; Arthur joined them and I pottered off, leaving the men to it and instead heading to grab my morning coffee. I caught sight of Abigail sitting on the ground on her bedroll with her knees hugged into her chest, eyes distant. I opted not to disturb her, taking a seat with Tilly and Mary-Beth in front of their wagon.

"Morning, girls. How're you two holding up?" I greeted them. Tilly was washing a chemise while Mary-Beth was distractedly stitching a white garment that I quickly noticed was dappled with a few specks of blood. Before any of them could even answer I spoke again.

"Mary-Beth, you're bleeding!" I pointed out, reaching out and taking her hand in mine.

"Oh! Oh shoot, what a mess. I pricked myself earlier on, didn't realise I'd drawn blood," she plopped her finger in her mouth and sucked on the injured digit. I put my coffee down and took the garment from her; it was a stocking with a tear in it.

"I'll finish this, don't worry. There ain't too much blood on it, no harm done. 'sides your finger."

"I'm away with the fairies this morning," she shook her head at herself.

"Ain't we all. How're you, Tilly?" I asked.

"About as well as you'd expect. The other day I couldn't stop thinkin' about how bored I was, now I'd happily take boredom over all this mess," Tilly sighed, sitting back on her heels and shaking her hands free of water.

"I'm confident the men'll get Jack back," I assured them both.

"Me too, it's just all the worrying until then. Has Arthur said anything to you about where he is?" Tilly asked me and looked up at her, momentarily – and frankly unjustifiably – surprised that she'd asked me about Arthur.

"Oh, no, he hasn't," I said after a pause.

"How is he doing, anyway? He's been awfully quiet lately," Mary-Beth began, "not that he ain't usually quiet, but you know what I mean."

"Arthur? He…" I paused, looking down at my sewing. "I reckon his injury knocked it out of him for a bit, he didn't much like being cooped up. Then of course, first thing he does after getting back out there is watch Sean– it's understandable. I jus' think he's going through it a bit."

"Well I hope he knows he can come talk to any of us if he needs it. Though, I suppose he has you for that, now," Mary-Beth commented. I looked at her, a light frown on my face.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, we ain't idiots," Tilly laughed "it's extremely obvious that you and him are somethin' more than friends."

"No, that ain't what I meant. You don't think I'm… stealing him, hogging him away from all of you, do you?"

The two girls looked at me, two sets of eyes going wide for a few long seconds before they both laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," Mary-Beth patted my knee, "I just meant he has you to open up to now, I ain't surprised if he don't talk to us about that stuff all that much anymore. I don't mind it, it makes sense."

"Before you came along, if Arthur was going through a rough patch, he'd come speak to one of us women. That ain't happened in a while so we figured he was talking to you instead, is that not the case?" Tilly added, picking the chemise out of the bucket and squeezing the water out.

"Oh, no, he does," I nodded, thinking back to the previous night, all his talk of getting out of here, no matter how idealised the thoughts were. Mary-Beth leaned forwards a bit, inspecting my expression.

"Everything okay between you two?" She asked.

"Between us, yes, everything is wonderful," I told her, a small sigh escaping me. "I just wish everything else was the same. I don't like seeing him worried. I'm worried too, but I know it ain't a scratch on how he must be feeling."

"Well, I'm just glad he has you. That man deserves a bit of love, that's for sure," Mary-Beth said, "after Mary, and everything that's happened to him."

"Mary-Beth," Tilly said, her tone a warning.

"What?"

"You don't bring up a man's past relationships to his new lady," she chuckled, shaking her head. I smiled in amusement.

"It's alright. I know about Mary, even met her once. Well, not really met, saw her from a distance."

"Really? Oh, well I admit I was a little worried when I heard she was around. She practically carved the poor feller's heart out and spat on it. He was real excited when she agreed to marry him, I don't know how she could do that to him," Mary-Beth sighed.

My heart thumped uncomfortably and I stared blankly at her. She noticed my silence and looked at me, the colour draining from her face soon after.

"They were engaged?" I asked, my voice small.

"Oh, Mary-Beth," Tilly said tightly, shaking her head.

"I thought you knew," Mary-Beth covered her mouth. "Oh, goodness. I'm a fool."

"No, no it's fine. I've no right to be upset," I shook my head, snapping myself out of it. "I guess it just surprised me, I didn't know it'd gone that far."

I understood better why Arthur had been so deeply hurt by her. Why he'd held onto her for years, why he'd kept her photo, why he'd acknowledged her letter and gone to meet her despite the pain he knew it'd cause him. She was the woman he'd loved so much he'd wanted to share the rest of his life with her.

"No, you're upset. Oh gosh, forget this I'll do it later," Mary-Beth snatched the sewing from me and tossed it aside, clasping my hands in hers. "This was years ago, he's clearly moved on and he has you, he's completely taken by you, it's so easy to see."

"I don't need reassurance, like I said, I have no right to be upset over something that happened before he even knew me. He has his own life, how awful would I be to turn sour over him living his own life?" I forced a laugh, shaking my head.

It was true, I had no reason to be upset. And I wasn't upset, not with Arthur, he'd done nothing wrong. But I did feel something cold and sickly and gross in my tummy and it was startlingly close to inadequacy.

"Mary-Beth is right, he's crazy about you. I watched him drawing you the other day when you weren't looking. Never seen the man look so peaceful," Tilly added, moving closer to join us. She put a hand on my shoulder as she sat beside me.

"You did?" I sputtered, eyes going wide and my face going hot.

"Yeah. You were brushing your horse and he was at that table over there just watching you, sketching away in that journal of his. I'd love to see what's inside that thing," Tilly giggled.

"I bet it's real romantic," Mary-Beth remarked, her voice low and tender.

"It never occurred to me that he might write about me in there," I thought aloud.

"You should sneak a peek while he's sleeping," Tilly whispered and I flashed her a disapproving frown.

"Oh, I couldn't. That'd be a violation of his privacy," I said.

"I guess," Tilly sighed glumly. "You should at least ask him."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I reckon I might prefer the mystery."

"Might be full of things he's too scared to say, could show a soft, vulnerable, tender side to him that his tough, manly lifestyle forces him to hide," Mary-Beth stared off into the distance, her expression nothing short of dreamy.

"Good lord, Mary-Beth. You really have to stop reading those novels," Tilly laughed and Mary-Beth playfully swatted her arm. I couldn't help but smile, eyes wandering over to Arthur across the camp. That smile quickly faded though, when I noticed Lenny approaching the group with two men I did not recognise.

"Hey, Dutch! We got a problem," he called out, pointing his gun at the back of the men, keeping a close eye on them as they walked towards Dutch.

The men were well dressed in suits and ties and bowler hats, the second of the men had a gun slung over his shoulder. Something told me they weren't friends of the Van Der Linde gang. I stayed put as the men exchanged a few words.

"Crap, that's the Pinkertons, I reckon," Mary-Beth hissed under her breath when she noticed. The gang slowly surrounded the group, forming a crowd that couldn't not be at least a little intimidating. I rose to my feet, crossing the camp towards them to listen in on what was happening, aware of the fact that Tilly and Mary-Beth were hanging back.

"I don't know if you're aware but this is a civilised land, now. We didn't kill all those savages to allow the likes of you to act like human dignity and basic decency was outmoded or not yet invented. This thing, it's done," the first gentleman was announcing when I got close enough to hear. The atmosphere was so dark and thick, it was like I could taste it or smell it, it was foul like the contents of a spittoon.

"This place ain't no such thing as civilised. It's man so in love with greed he has forgotten himself and found only appetites," Dutch responded, his words so well articulated, spoken almost like poetry right from a book.

"And as a consequence, that lets you take what you please, kill whom you please and hang the rest of us? Who made you the Messiah to these lost souls you've led so horribly astray?" The agent questioned, eyes scanning the crowd around him. His eyes found me. "Oh, and who is this? You must be new, haven't heard anything about you."

Dutch and Arthur looked my way, Dutch's expression stony and serious, Arthur's immediately turning to painful worry.

"Leave her–" Arthur started, abruptly cut off by Dutch.

"You'd single out a lady whom to your knowledge has done nothing wrong? That doesn't make you a man any more than threatening the likes of me does," he said. Hosea, who happened to be closest to me, pushed me behind him and obscured their view of me.

"Whether or not any of you lowlifes consider me a man is of no importance to me. I am here to offer you all a deal. You, Dutch, come with me and I'll give the rest of you three days to run off, disappear and go live like human beings someplace else," he bargained, and I stared at the back of Dutch's head, my heart in my throat as I awaited his response.

Dutch chuckled.

"You came for me? Risked life and limb in this den of lowlifes and murderers so that they might live and love? Ain't that fine?"

"I don't wanna kill all these folk Dutch. Just you," the agent stared at Dutch with such disdain I could practically feel the second hand effects of it, creeping hotly up my arms like vines.

"In that case, it'd be my honour to join you," Dutch's words were low, pleasant, "excuse me friends, I have an appointment to keep, with…"

The metallic clicks sounding out across the crowd rose hairs on my neck, weapons being readied, the threat loud and clear.

"I think your new friend should leave now, Dutch," Miss Grimshaw warned. It was clear that nobody here was prepared to let the men take Dutch away. And Dutch… he was well aware of this.

"You're making a big mistake, all of you," the Pinkerton glowered, unsettled and frustrated, losing his grip on the situation he was so evidently being overpowered in.

"Yeah, dreadful. We have got something. Something to live and die for, how awful for us. Mr? Milton, stop following us, we'll be gone soon," more cool, velvety words from Dutch.

"I'm afraid I can't, and when I return I'll be with fifty men. All of you will die. Run away from this place you fools. Run!"

"Come on," Lenny grabbed his arm, got him moving only to be shaken off.

"Get your damn hands off of me, boy," and with that, the gentleman returned from the direction they came. As they disappeared through the trees, the air seemed to clear just a bit. It left behind an unpleasant sludge but at least I felt I could breathe.

The crowd dispersed as Dutch turned to Arthur, the men spoke quietly and I backed away, shaken by the experience. I knew that the Van Der Linde gang were wanted, chased by a dozen different groups of enemies, but actually seeing the evidence standing in the middle of the place we were all meant to feel the safest was difficult to wrap my head around.

I found myself with Javier again, I'd sought him out when Dutch made the announcement that we were moving again, so I could help to take some tents down like last time. We worked together well enough. We were taking down Arthur's first, deconstructing the canvas and posts, loading everything up on the ammunition wagon it all attached to. I was tasked with carefully unpinning his photographs from the side of it so that they wouldn't be lost in transit. Javier and I weren't as talkative this time around, but his choice to start this particular conversation vexed me.

"This piss you off?" He asked, holding up the photograph of Mary. I frowned at him.

"No," I simply said.

"Alright," he said innocently. "I just thought, since you and him…" he trailed off.

"Whatever he and I are, he's allowed to keep a photo of a person he once held dear," I said, packing away the keepsakes in Arthur's chest. I took the photo from Javier and it joined the rest.

"So, are you guys serious?" He asked. When I didn't answer him, he walked around to stand in front of me, folding up Arthur's bedding. "Micah's been sayin' some stuff."

"Micah," I repeated, looking up at Javier. "Micah doesn't know anything about Arthur and I so take it with a pinch of salt."

"No, not about Arthur, 'bout you and him, at the Parlour House," he told me.

I stared for a moment, mind failing to conjure up a response.

He smirked, though he seemed surprised. "So something did happen?"

"What's he been saying?"

"Nothing, really. It's all vague suggestion, was saying it 'round the fire the other night when you were in here with Arthur," he explained. "I know you and Micah have had some tension, with that kiss that day."

"What the fuck did he say?" I reiterated, getting irritated.

"Said stuff like you and him make a good team, the usual crap. But then he talked about you two going out drinking at the Parlour House, you two had fun together, got along real well. Said it with this smirk on his face," Javier told me, wearing a salacious smirk of his own. "Didn't make it hard to read between the lines."

"Right, so basically, he's tryin'a start a rumour about me and him? What, that we kissed? Slept together?" I scoffed, and Javier shrugged. "Well, here's a rumour, spread it all you like. That bristly faced creep asked me to sleep with him at the Parlour House that night, an' he's clearly feeling hard done by considering I rejected him. And don't worry, Arthur already knows about the whole damn embarrassment and I talked him down from beating him, but I'm sure he'd reconsider if I jus' said the word."

With every word I stepped closer to Javier, poison in my tone that wasn't really directed at him. The corner of his mouth curled up and he leaned away, holding his hands up in surrender. When I was finished, he let loose a chuckle.

"Alright, I got you, loud and clear."

"I've been trying my damnedest to find the best in him, I know there's some decency in the man, but, by God. He's making it real difficult for me not to join the rest of 'em in hating the bastard," I huffed, feeling my face flush with embarrassment mixed with anger.

"Ay, it's okay. I never really believed him. Don't think anyone else did, either, we all saw how you were when Arthur got fucked up by the O'Driscolls," he reassured me, putting a hand on my shoulder and gingerly pushing me backwards, out of his personal space.

"Yeah well, even so, I don't take kindly to someone making me out to be somethin' I ain't. Say if someone did believe him, then watched me hanging around in Arthur's tent all these weeks, they'd think I was a real piece of work," I muttered, snatching the pillow from Arthur's bed and putting it in the wagon, then moving to roll up the thin padding that served as a mattress.

Javier laughed. "I think you're overestimating people's ability to give a damn. Even if it was true; you wanna get it on with half the gang, that's up to you. Wouldn't be the first girl," he snickered.

I cocked a brow at him.

"Could'a been any one of us in John's position," he shrugged. My head whipped around towards where Abigail was, helping pack with Sadie and Karen.

"Oh, I ain't gossiping. Stop it," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Alright, muñequita," he chuckled, "no more gossip."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"What does what mean?"

"Mune– mune– that word you said," I shook my head, the unfamiliar word dissolving in my mind before I could repeat it.

"Muñequita?" He smirked at me, looking a little surprised that I'd asked. A little embarrassed, even. "Oh, nothing. It's a… just a name. A term of endearment."

"Oh, alright. It's a pretty word," I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him.

"Means little doll. People don't tend to ask me what I'm saying, so I'm a little caught off guard," he laughed, shaking his head and turning away from me to lift up the bed frame. "The name seemed to suit you. Those jobs you do, putting on all these roles, playing pretend. Like a little kid's doll."

He leaned the bed up against the wagon and turned to me, appraising my reaction.

"Well, playing pretend…" I started, pursing my lips in thought. "I guess I can pretend it ain't me robbing people blind. It's Jemima Jones."

Javier laughed through his nose, tilting his head down.

"Jemima Jones. She's a clever girl, but don't let her take all the credit–"

"I'm glad you two are gettin' along so nicely but if you remember, we all have the threat of death hangin' over us until we get packed up and gone. Get moving!" Miss Grimshaw hissed as she marched passed us.

Javier and I shared a glance before getting back to work.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #fanfiction #arthur morgan x female reader #atink #reader insert #rdr2 fanfic #Javier Escuella #mary beth gaskill #tilly jackson #van der linde gang

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ourheroictommo · 5 years

Text

Louis talking about Eleanor through the years - a masterpost

2012

“ How did you and Eleanor meet?

Eleanor was a friend of Harry's. He worked with her friend at a local bakery. One day, Harry met up with his friend, Eleanor came, and we met.

-What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for a girl?

I can’t really cook, but the first dish I ever made was for my girlfriend, Eleanor. I made chicken breast wrapped in ham, homemade mashed potatoes, and gravy.” x

"I'm a one-woman man with Eleanor. I can be a romantic — but not too sickly.

Aside from the fact that she's hot, she had everything that I was looking for. She's funny, loud and confident. I'm not the type of guy who enjoys being single. I'm happy with the way things are with Eleanor. I told her I loved her after five months. I didn't just want up one day and think I was in love — I knew it in my heart." x

"It's a little daunting. At the end of the day if you want it to work, it will work. It just requires probably more effort. If your heart's in it, then you're not gonna mess about.

[The hate towards her] is really strange and the majority (of fans) don't have hate towards her. It gets a little frustrating seeing that, especially when I'm in a happy relationship. But at the end of the day, I am happy and Eleanor is happy, so there's not really that much more that matters. x

“-You've been with your girlfriend Eleanor for a year. What do you love about her?

She studies politics at university and when she sits and talks about that, I find it really attractive. I think it's important for both of you to have independence. I feel like if she didn't have that and wasn't striving for a good career, it'd be weird.

-Do you worry about her meeting other men at uni?

She's gorgeous, but no, I don't. We both trust each other— I spend a lot of time out of the country on tour. She often flies out so I see her a lot. I think the key to a good relationship is being best friends too. I spend more time with her and the band than I do with anyone else... She's really great.” x

"Eleanor's really down to earth. She makes me fish finger sandwiches and it's great to do something normal after the madness of the tour. All my mates are at university, and it's a life I haven't had a chance to enjoy, so it's great to turn up and sample a bit of it." x

″I think it was probably tough at first for her, taking up such a big commitment, being in a limelight. But she handles it great and we’re really really happy together" x

“-How are things with you and your girlfriend Eleanor?

Without sounding too soppy, I'm incredibly happy. The great thing about our relationship is I was already in the band when we started seeing each other. It makes things easier, because she knows the way it is. She's great with it. She's really easy-going with that sort of thing, which is so important.

-Are you a romantic?

Definitely, yeah.

-Is marriage on the cards for you two one day?

Who knows. It's still early days, but as I say I'm very, very happy.

-Does it annoy you that some so-called fans think you and Eleanor aren't real?

Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious when you see us together that we're real. Think of the amount of time I spend with her - it's crazy I even have to say it's genuine. But the truth is, these people aren't our real fans, that's the way I look at it anyway. So many people come to singings with presents for Eleanor, but you got this small number who want to say bad things.”x/x

“I’m sure if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that every now and again I’m quite outspoken. I think it’s important to speak your mind, and I’ve had a few rants recently. You know, people who have been horrible to my girlfriend Eleanor and to my mum, and I just don’t think people should be able to get away with it. I don’t go to bed and worry about it, I just think that people if they want to be like that, should be put in their place.” x

“-Describe your perfect day.

I’d like to go back home and do the kind of things I used to do before the band. I’d go and have a kick around with my friend Stan and my other friends from school. I’d spend some time with my family and have dinner at my grandma’s house and then have the evening to chill out with my girlfriend.

-What’s your favourite way to relax away from all the stress?

I like having a bath, then lying in bed watching a good film. If I’m watching a film with my girlfriend I don’t mind a rom-com, but when I’m on my own I like action movies that keep you on edge.

-What qualities are most important in a potential girlfriend?

Someone who doesn’t take life too seriously and likes to take a risk. I like to do things on the spur of the moment. I decided to go to Ibiza for one night recently so I jumped on the plane and my girlfriend came with me. I love that ‘lets just do it’ attitude. It’s also important that someone totally trusts you and is your friend above anything else. They’ve also got to have a good sense of humour because the only way I can pull girls is by making them laugh”

The most romantic thing Louis has ever done is buy his girlfriend a ticket to LA because she was missing him x

" @niallspudding: @Louis_Tomlinson do you know you’re very lucky to have eleonor? xx

@Louis_Tomlinson: @niallspudding I think it everyday :) x “

2013

“It’s so great, couldn’t be better. I sometimes worry that she might want to go and find a boyfriend who’s there every day. Obviously, it’s not easy having a long-term relationship in this job, but it frustrates me when people say it’s impossible. It’s definitely doable, it’s down to the people and whether they want to make it work enough.

-Do you go to extreme lengths, flying across the continents to see each other even for a short time?

Absolutely. Whenever there’s a gap in the schedule, that’s always my first thought. Not many days have to go by before I really start missing her, so sometimes - even if it’s just the odd day - I’ve flown back from the show, had a day in London and then flown back again.

-That’s a commitment!

Yes, but it keeps you sane. It’s important to have that one person I can confide in and be close to. We trust each other completely and the relationship wouldn’t work if we didn’t. We’re really loved up" x

”Things really bother me when they upset my family or Eleanor. I think I’m quite thick-skinned but if you’re going to do or say that, f*** you. She gets pretty intimidated by it all. I mean, who wouldn’t? She can’t have Twitter or anything like that. I can’t expect her to deal with some of the stuff so easily. But I couldn’t be happier with her.” x

"Every night before go sleep I always talk to my girlfriend, Eleanor." x

"-For your girlfriend specifically, how does she handle your die heart One Direction fans when they see her, when they tweet her, in concerts?

Yeah, it’s tough to deal with but she’s a great girl and she gets it” x

“-How do you keep your feet on the ground, amid all the success and fame you have?

I try and see my girlfriend as much as possible. She’s at Manchester University so I like going down there, to her student digs, because it’s really nice way to get away from all the craziness of being in One Direction.

-Do you think it’s even more important to make sure you see her and your family when you’re living this crazy, pop-star life?

Yeah, I think it’s so important to keep in touch with the people who matter to you. I can’t bear to be away from Eleanor, my mum or my sisters for too long. If I had a normal job, I’d see them all the time but I don’t see them that often so when I get the chance to I’ve got to make sure I do.

-Is jealousy ever an issue, especially when you have hordes of girls throwing themselves at you?

It can be, and that’s why I’ve always been so vocal about my relationship with Eleanor because obviously there are opportunities of being in a boy band - if you wanted lots of girlfriends. But I don’t, so that doesn’t bother me because I’m very, very happy with Eleanor.” x

“Louis Tomlinson, 21, one of the three members of the band in a serious relationship, nods when I ask what his dream is.

‘Absolutely honestly? It’s sitting in my garden at home with my girlfriend on a lovely quiet morning, having a cup of tea.’” x

2014

“It was an incredible trip. As soon as we back I said to my girlfriend, ‘I’ve got to take you out there one day because I think it would be such a great experience.’ For anyone, in fact. I was genuinely sad when we left because those people were so cool. They totally blew me away, and their attitude in the face of such poverty was pretty incredible. They have this real sense of community, which, in a way, is all they’ve got”. (About his experience on his trip to Ghana for Comic Relief).

“Away from football I also went on a songwriting trip to LA with Liam, and spent some time with my girlfriend and our dog. Just doing really nice, normal stuff”. (About what he did during his time off).

“The movie premiere was a real laugh too! That was a big deal, and the huge crowd at Leicester Square was amazing. I remember saying to Niall, 'Mate this is just the best, can you believe how far this band has come, this is Leicester Square!’ It was a very proud day for us - all our families came, my mum, my little sisters, and my girlfriend”. (About the This Is Us movie premiere in Leicester Square). x

“I know she loves me. When you’ve met your life partner, you always know, and Eleanor is mine.” x

2015

“-What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done?

So once with one of my ex girlfriends I made my back garden into a winter wonderland for Christmas, with like fake snow and stuff.” x

2017

“That’s my girlfriend!!!” - Louis after saving Eleanor from being attacked at the airport.

“Thank you for always supporting Eleanor . She's fucking amazing isn't she !!” - Louis’ message to twitter fan account of Eleanor

“I know me mum wouldn’t want me to walk around being gloomy all the time, so I try my best just to pick myself up when I can. Of course, there are times . . . and that’s why Eleanor has been so fantastic for me.” x

“Who was the last person you texted?

Probably my girlfriend Eleanor” x

“There's a couple of songs that me and my girlfriend really like that'll never be used for anything, so they're kind of just for us. That's really nice.

-Are they ones you've written for her?

A lot of the album's about her, really. I wanted to make the album feel chronological, because that's how I wrote it. You can hear my journey as an individual over these three years - leaving the band, then going out on to the really crazy party scene, and then I've kind of ended up full circle back with Eleanor, who I love dearly.” x

“I spent, you know, 18 months… 2 years of my life just kind of really different to the past - just went out all the time, parting, drinking all the time, whatever. And then I kinda realized that I was a bit of an idiot during those times, and I found my way back to my girlfriend.” x

"I want the album to feel chronological essentially, so, like, this album’s pretty much about the last three years of my life. You know, the break of the band, and then me going into that party mode all the time, which wasn’t really me, and then, like, you know, kind of understanding that, and getting back together with Eleanor.” x

"I think once you hear the stuff on the rest of the album, you’ll know which songs are about the fans, you’ll know which songs are about me girlfriend." - Louis on whether someone could walk up to him and tell him his songs are about them

“-You said you’ve written a song about your fans. Can you tell us anything more about that one? It’s kinda collective. It’s kinda like me and everyone in this song that kinda says: ‘we’ve done this together’. So you know you can kinda lay that back to my girlfriend, to the fans, to my friends. It’s kinda just everyone who’s helped me along the journey, really." x

"[Back To You] is not written from personal experience. ‘Cause ironically I’m back together with my ex-girlfriend now, and I’m very happy” x

“The song (BTY) is about… they might not be great for each other but for whatever reason through whatever hardships they just keep coming back to each other.

-And you’re not one of them? Are you telling us that?

I’m definitely not one of them. I’ve got an unbelievable girlfriend that I’m not pissed off that I've come back to” x”

“I would never describe Eleanor as that person in that relationship. That relationship (in BTY) is very intense. Maybe they’re not right for each other, maybe they are... And that’s certainly not the case for me and Eleanor. I mean, she’s ace! I could see where you’ve drawn the similarity but that’s where it ends. I’m sure you’ll see when the album comes, there’s a bit of soppiness to follow. ” x

“There’s the song that’s probably my favourite I’ve ever written, that’s very personal to me, called “Always You” that I’ve got on the album. -What’s it about? It’s about Eleanor, my girlfriend." x

"There’s another song on the album called Always You and it’s kind of about my story of travelling the world and just being a f*****g idiot and going, ‘Of course it was always you’. Here’s the thing, when you listen to my album, you won’t have to read between the lines. You’ll know what’s about Eleanor, you’ll know what’s about me, you’ll know what’s about the fans, you know it might hint a little bit about the relationship with my mum. I want to make everything as honest and obvious as possible” x

"-Whose opinion do you rely on the most after you’ve completed the track? Who do you wanna play it first? Who I rely on it’s a difficult question but I always, always make a habit of playing my music to my girlfriend, to my best friend Oli, to my friends like lets say for a lads trip and I say like ‘guys, what you think of this’ coz it’s very important to me” x

"I just took my girlfriend for her birthday to Amsterdam and it was absolutely lovely!

-Do you make holiday friends?

Honestly, I’m not.. my girlfriend’s really good at that… ” x

“-Can you tell me what your view is on these people who are obsessed by a “Larry” conspiracy?

I’ve never actually been asked about it directly. It’s a funny thing. People can believe what they want to believe. It comes across as a little bit disrespectful to the ones that I love, like Eleanor. It’s like anything, if you google a conspiracy on iphones, you’re gonna get a conspiracy. It’s one of those things people love to buy into, but in reality, obviously there’s no truth to it, obviously. x

“Last person you texted?

Eleanor, my girlfriend” x

"There was definitely a time when I probably had some of the smelliest feet in the country coz I didn’t wear socks… It was one of those things like early days of going out with me girlfriend - you know what I mean - going around to her mum’s house. They’re very nice family, posh family, and I was thinking: “I’ve got to take my shoes off, really, but my feet… ” It was really difficult but luckily now as you can see I’m a big sock wearer! The feet are safe!!!

This is the inner Doncaster/Yorkshireman in me - I went through a stage of - and I mean this in the least yobbie way - borrowing, taking, stealing, whatever you want to call it different things, random things from places. There was also this hotel we stayed in in Sweden, where there’s like - it’s not real, but it looks like this stuffed goose. Took that, that’s in me girlfriend’s mum’s house now." x

"-What was the last text that you’ve send? That’s gonna get me in some trouble… Let’s have a look… It’s to me girlfriend saying: ‘Haha’. That’s a bit boring and trivial, isn’t it? There you go.” x

"I wrote this song (Miss You) about a time in my life when I was going out partying every night. In hindsight throughout that time I was pretty numb and just going through the motions. Deep down it was always in the back of my mind that what I really missed was the girl that I loved." x

“It does really upset me to see all this shit about Eleanor. She has been my rock throughout an impossible time !!” x

2018

“He [Louis] also dated actress Danielle Campbell before getting back with Eleanor, who he says he would happily bring on to the panel now Robbie and Ayda have led the way” - x

2019

"There have been times where me and my girlfriend listened to the [1D] albums. Those moments are special and each song takes you back to a certain place. I couldn’t be prouder” x

" -First person you talked to today? Well it’ll probably be me girlfriend Eleanor.

I’m lucky to have really really good people around me. My family are amazing, I got great friends, me girlfriend’s amazing, my boy’s amazing, so I ’ve got so many people around me to make me constantly feel good and responsible. That keeps me going, definitely.

-You did get back with your girlfriend Eleanor quite soon after your mum died. And I wonder if she was an important part of you being able to have a little bit of solidity in a difficult time?

Yes, she was and has continued to be absolutely vital to me. We got to see me mum as well together before she passed. It was really special, really special. Yeah, I love her to bits, man!!! When you’re going through the most devastating time, you need people around you that you love and that hopefully love you, you know what I mean. It’s a nice feeling, man, to find her again, so to speak.

-I read something the other day about couples that break up for a period and come back together are often the strongest. So, Louis, do you think she’s the one, someone who you’d like to marry, who you’d like to settle down with?

I do think she’s the one, yeah, I do, I do, yeah. She’s amazing for me. And also I think, when you go through quite a hard time together, that gives you a different level of a relationship. It’s deeper than it was before. So I’m very lucky, man, very lucky. She’s a top girl.” x

“-What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done?

I’m actually quite romantic, you know? I am, I am. When I first met me girlfriend - I’m a horrific cook, a very very bad cook. I give it a go, you know what I mean, I try. So I said to her: I’ll make you a nice meal. I made her a meal, and honestly... She did all the polite things and said it was lovely. I obviously tasted it too - it was awful, it was awful! Really poor! It was like some chicken wrapped in some like parma ham stuffed with a little bit of mozzarella - very ambitious for the level of cook I am.” x

“Tomlinson recalls how once, for his long-time girlfriend Eleanor Calder’s Christmas present (they broke up in 2015, but reunited in 2017), “I made this winter wonderland in my garden in London, with fake snow and a massive ice rink... I was like, ‘Surprise!’ as if I’d win best boyfriend of the year. In hindsight it was stupid, but fun at the same time”. x

“The singer says new tune We Made It is also partly about the times he slinked off to girlfriend Eleanor Calder’s digs, despite being a global superstar.

‘The lyrics are about a time when I was visiting my girlfriend Eleanor at university in Manchester, drawing on that experience of being on the road in a world tour then going to my girlfriend’s halls and living that life with her,’ he said.

Louis briefly broke-up with Eleanor, 27, but they are back together and she remains his biggest cheerleader.

‘She is dead proud of me,’ he said.’ x

"Oh absolutely, definitely! Me best mate and me girlfriend - they are the two people who always hear the songs first, I always get their opinion on. I mean, naturally, when the topic of lyric is about Eleanor - you know what I mean, I’m hoping she likes it. And she does, yeah, yeah!” - Louis on whether he’s asked Eleanor’s opinion on We Made It before anyone else

2020

About his song ‘Walls’ - “ Walls is more specific. It’s about coming home having been on tour, soon after we’d split. I found some of my girlfriend’s clothes in the cupboard and it hit me what I’d done.” x

“Louis new single, Walls, recounts his experiences of love and loss. It is a clearly autobiographical reflection on his life over the last decade, which has seen him fall in love with his childhood sweetheart, Eleanor Calder, before splitting in 2015, and reconciling two years ago. In the years in between he fathered his first child, a son, with a US stylist but the pair soon separated and his romance with model Eleanor is now so strong marriage rumours have begun to swirl, although he’s quick to insist they are premature.

He explains: “Yeh I saw some of that. It isn’t true, but the luxury with Eleanor is I’ve known her since before our first single What Makes You Beautiful, so she’s felt the whole growth of everything. As I’ve got to understand it, she has too, and I have the benefit with her that we’ve seen it for what it is.

So is marriage a possibility? He adds: “One day, yeah, I’d imagine so. If you’re asking me if I’m going to marry her? Yes, I think so! And more kids, I’d say so.” x

“She’s been amazing. With any monumental time in your life you need people who understand and love you. She makes my life easier.”

In 2015 they split up for nearly two years during which time Louis became a dad to Freddie, now four, following a brief fling with LA stylist Briana Jungwirth.

The track Too Young is almost an apology to Eleanor for that period (“I’m sorry I hurt you, darling… I cut you off cos I didn’t know no better”), but Louis says the time apart taught him some tough lessons and has made them stronger.

“I think we both agree that we needed [that break]. I was too immature for a relationship of that seriousness. But I had to learn that and be an idiot first.

“A lot of young men won’t understand until they have hindsight. The responsibility of meeting someone you could spend the rest of your life with at 18 is too much for most immature men. I was very immature at that → age and didn’t understand the feelings or importance.”

He and Eleanor guard their privacy ferociously and very deliberately haven’t made themselves a public couple. They don’t go to places where they’ll get papped or post pictures of each other on social media.

“Me and Eleanor have been together ages and I don’t have a lot of private photos for myself,” he says. “Even on a night out there’ll be some f**ker taking my picture and it goes everywhere.

"So those moments to ourselves are special. “ x

#tommo quotes #elounor #masterpost #had to put it all in one place #love is a beautiful thing #<33333 #elounor masterpost

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goldenhour-goldenboy · 5 years

Text

Knock ‘em down (Benny Miller x tactical!reader)

It’s not your fault you meet the whole crew for the first time sitting crossed legged on a box of ammo, cookie in one hand a book in the other one. Santiago didn’t tell you he’d be back with company - he especially didn’t tell you that he’d be back with the team you’re supposed to support on a mission in a week. The surprise of the situation is prominent on your face as you stare up from your book, hand raised with a half eaten cookie midway to your mouth and you can’t keep the annoyance out of your eyes as they flick back to Santiago. There’s a mutual look passing around the group as each of them steps through the door, your eyes glued to them, their eyes starring back at you. Some of their faces slip and you get to spot a wild range of emotions. There’s surprise followed by confusion. And then doubt. Their masks slip back into place and you find yourself in front of a wall of poker faces, hard set jaws and harder eyes. Military boys.

“Who’s her?” The first person to speak up is a broad guy with shoulders that look they could take down any door. His question is directed at Santiago, voice calm but his eyes betray him as they move back to you and in an instant back to Santiago, the unspoken indication poking something hot inside of you that you don’t like. At all. You try to stand up as graceful as one can do with crumbs all over their shirt and level him, eyes focused and though he’s almost a foot taller than you he recognizes your posture, his body tensing up immediately.

“It’s Y/N.” You answer before Santiago gets a chance to, who just leans back against the table and seems to enjoy this showdown way too much. There’s realization flickering in the tough guy’s eyes, very short but his jaw sets a little tighter and that’s almost satisfaction enough for you. “But you couldn’t ask me that yourself, could you?”

A second guy is pushing forward now, a bit younger but the similarity between the buff guy and him clear as day. “You’re quite feisty for a medic.” Though he looks younger his voice is way deeper and you can tell that the snapback he wears gives him a deceptive easiness.

You’re not able to keep a snort to yourself “I’m not a medic. I’m the one to get you inside.”

“You are the driver?” There’s obvious disbelief in his voice as his eyes glance over you, taking too long for your liking. His lips twitch into a smile once he reaches your eyes again that has the tips of your ear turn red - not because you’re embarrassed but because you start to get angry.

“I am a,“ you hesitate for a moment Soldier? Mercenary? Hitman? Hitwoman? “a freelancer.” You truly wished that you’ve executed that smoother but still, the guy’s expression falls as he turns the broader man beside him before all eyes turn to Santiago.

“Pope, what the fuck?”

There’s a moment of silence as the group seems to need a minute to progress that piece of information and you’re eyes flicker to Santiago - Pope - who shrugs. “It’s been approved a few weeks ago, officially and all.”

You clear your throat, the awkwardness of the whole situation not sitting well with you. “Clearly you’ve got some things to figure out.” You mumble, grabbing your book and sending a last glare in Santiago’s direction as you leave the room. You’ve barely set foot in the corridor as you hear multiple voices starting to argue.

“I don’t like it.” Hat guy - Ben, you have to remind yourself - grunts as he lifts the last box onto the back of the van, eyes gazing over to you. The truck barely fits through the sandstone arch leading into the small courtyard and you can’t help but let your ears peak up, though the complaint is nothing new. You keep your head low, shifting through your backpack and looking if everything’s where it’s supposed to be. After all, you’ve learned that one can never have enough knifes and bandages.

“She’s going to be fine.” Santiago closes the trunk and shoots you a look. He knows you’re hearing every word the two of them share and that your interest in checking your backpack for the last time is nothing but cover by now.

“You’re not the one who has to deal with her when bullets start flying and she’s on the ground freaking out.” Ben’s voice picks up volume and you let out a long breath, counting to ten with your eyes closed. It feels like you’re recycling the same argument for the whole week, the topic of you accompanying them on the mission still not sitting well with the team, especially Ben.

“Look.” Santiago licks his lips, hands calmingly raised at the man in front of him. ”I’ve seen her before, you two will work out great as a team. I have to be up on front with Will and we can’t send in Fish from atop because he needs to --”

“Work on the van, I know. I know.” Ben presses the words through his teeth, eyes now snapping to you and his face turns sour. “I just don’t like it, man.”

“You don’t have to like it.” You finally snap, setting down another set of bandages as you turn to him. “You just do your part and I’m gonna do mine and we’ll be fine.”

“You might be in over your head here, sweetheart.” There’s a certain sneer to his last word that has the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge. “This is not some shooting range in buttfuck nowhere. We’re about to embark on a mission, with real people who will most likely try to kill us.”

“You think I don’t know that? Do you think this’ my first job?” The words start to slip out before you can think them about them. “You think I can’t handle myself because I’m female?”

Ben rolls his eyes, “Of course it’s not because you’re a girl -”

“A woman.” You correct him.

“ - it’s because I could crush you with my left foot if I wanted to.”

Your eyes turn to hard. “Oh really? If you’re so sure about that why don’t you come over here and we- ”

“Jesus Christ, enough!” Pope intervenes, throwing himself in the middle. “Take a walk.” He directs Benny. Hat guy - you decide he doesn’t deserve a name - doesn’t say a word but gives you a long look, eyes screaming with suppressed anger as he shuffles through the door and past his brother, so you’ve learned, who watches you with crossed arms. They share the same emotion in that moment, disapproval seeping out of them.

“I swear I’m not getting paid enough for this.” You hiss at Pope.

You’re almost at ease. A soft breeze caresses your cheeks every now and again and the sun warms your back, beaming down not as harshly as usual. It’s nice. The city stretches before you, miles and miles of brown and beige houses forming an organic system of it’s own, speckled with drops of colors here and there. If you had the time it’d take your breath away. Yes, you’re almost at ease. If it weren’t for the body lying on the rooftop next to you and the fact that you’re about to cross over to another roof and enter your target location secured by deadly man with cruel intentions.

Ben sends you a quick look, eyes teasing you from underneath the brim of his hat and for a second you wish you’d thought of a hat of your own to shield your eyes against he burning sun. “You ready to go, sweetheart?”

You turn your eyes forward and decide to mumble your answer into the intercom, “We’re set.”

There’s white noise coming back for a second, two seconds, then - “Alright. Let’s get this done.”

You and Benny move almost at the same time, you in front of him, gun pressed tightly to your side as you switch from one rooftop to the next, moving houses with just a step of your foot. He’s quiet, you have to give him that. And though you know he’s not going to shoot you in the back, quite literally, having a 6′3 man move behind you is something you have to get accustomed to. Especially one that doubted you just a day ago.

You hop down to the balcony, feet landing securely on the tiled floor. You’re already taking your first steps towards the door as Benny lands behind you. Everything around you slows down and becomes clearer, crisper, sharper. There’s not sound as you slide open the glass door and move inside.

The guest bedroom turns out to be empty, just as expected. You hear Benny’s voice coming through your earpiece, “First room clear.” You shoot him a look, motioning for the door. “Heading inside now.” His presence still makes the hair at the back of your neck stand up and you try to ignore the feeling as best as possible. Combing the forth floor together is uneventful. You have to split at the end of the stairs, him moving down the left hallway while you tackle the right one, knowing that you’ll meet at the end of them. Hopefully still alive.

Your hearts beats a steady rhythm, almost like it’s whispering with every pump “Trust me, I can do this. Trust me. Trust me.” And you do. You encounter the first guard in another bedroom. The second one happens to be in the bathroom across from you. They barely have time to suck in the air for a yell that dies in their throat before you take them out. There’s a time and a place for pretty little tricks and this is neither. You’re fast. Moving forward is your priority now. You don’t make a sound as you turn the last corner, expecting to see Ben with his stupid hat - instead you stare at an unfamiliar back. You react before you know it, legs moving and picking up speed, crossing the distance in seconds, shooting and catching the body as the guard’s knees give in. Your arms circle around him, no noise your remind yourself. You look up and catch Ben’s eyes over the guy’s shoulder.

He’s stopped in motion, gun half raised at no point specific, starring at you with clear, blue eyes. There’s no time to stare back, you’re already on the move again, up on your feet and pushing past him. “You okay?”

It takes a second for him to answer and you have to turn around to shoot him a questionable look, just in case he isn’t okay. “No yeah, I’m good.” He clears his throat, “Third floor secure.”

It’s months later that you meet any of them again. Dirt crumbles under your boots as you make your down rows and rows of tents, following a guy in brown uni colored clothes through the maze. You’re eyes scan your surroundings, moving over relaxed soldiers, guy’s suiting up or working out and there’s a certain calmness to it all. You adjust your hat. It’s not too different from the last camp you’ve been to, they all look the same if you’re honest --

“Y/N?” The sudden hollering has you whipping around. A grinning Santiago approaches you and you instantly break into a smile of your own, arms embracing you in a quick tight hug. “I didn’t know you’re stopping by.”

“Yeah, well”, you smile at him, hands resting on his shoulders. “You never text, you never call either.”

Santiago’s accompanied by three man, all of them wearing the same brown colored shirt and yellowish camouflage pants, instantly separating you from them with your dark jeans and white shirt. Courtesies are exchanged, you introduce yourself, quickly explain why you’ve been called in and in an instant you’re met with recognition from the unfamiliar faces.

“Oh.” One of the guy breathes out.” You’re that y/n.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You laugh.

Santiago eyes you amusedly but holds back an answer. The other guys get uncomfortable all of the sudden, shuffling around and exchanging looks, neither of them wanting to be the one to break first.

“Well?” You probe, gesturing at no one on particular before one sighs and rubs his neck.

“It’s just ... Miller won’t shut up about that one time you’ve been teamed with him.”

“He what now?” You deadpan. Santiago laughs silently to himself, shoulders heaving before sending you a confirming nod.

“It’s been his favorite story for months.”

“He’s told it so many times I feel like I’ve been there.”

“Fuck, I had a dream about it the other night, like I was there --”

The guy’s share an agreeing look. You feel like your brain might be fried from the sun. Your mouth still opens and closes without producing anything else than hot air as the flaps of a tent open and you see the man himself walk out. There’s a set of emotions rushing over his face but joy wins.

“Sweetheart!” The nickname that would’ve been insulting to you just a few months ago now rolls over his lips in an almost lovely way. Ben sends you a beaming smile, arms stretched out in a friendly greeting as he strolls towards your small group. “You’ve got a hat! Looks good!”

You truly can’t believe that man.

#did I watch an aria stark song homage or whatever they're called on yt #to get in the mood for this?#yes #absolutely yes #1000 years later #triple frontier #benny miller #ben miller #triple frontier imagine #triple frontier x reader #benny miller x reader #ben miller x reader #this has been edited to death #and if there are any mistakes i blame it on my brain not speaking english today #or any other language for that matter #honestly the sentences i say today dont make sense #at all #okay enough of the ramble #lets post this

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saltyslack-toast · 4 years

Text

How I deal with my puberty

“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on the planet. They are treated like children and expected to act like adults” – Anonymus.

Facing the ‘youth age’ seems to be very interesting for most of the pre-teen age kids, they thought it will be filled with good memories, cool friends, hangouts, parties, and probably some of charming boyfriends. Well for some of kids, teenage phase is the way it is, they called it for a ‘stupid phase of life’ because they have been through all those reckless and dumb things yet so exciting and memorable events at the same time, but for me teenage life is probably the most broken phase of life.

Start in my early teenage which was in the 5th grade of my elementary, I started having a crush with my one year older senior. Everything was went smooth, I used to have a lot of guts to actually approach him and surprisingly he responded it very well, I’m gonna count that shit as my real first love (since I already have a crush to boys since I was in kindergarten). He was soon graduated and I CRIED SO MUCH, I don’t even understand why would I cried so much back then, but it is kinda sad because that was the first time a boy actually like me back lol and also bc me and him not gonna be in the same school again because he decided to continue his education in Islamic boarding school which was so far away from the area we lived and obviously school which my parents not gonna approves me to go to. Last year of my elementary was the first time I got period, the changes all over my body was so appalling, my voice was getting more shrill and my breast swelling so much i started used a fucking mini-bra that has a cute character printed in it. Also, this stage filled with academics stuff to prepare the junior high school and fighting with my own teacher (she was terrorizing me through anon messages, dude not gonna lie but that shit is scared me as fuck) because…. That’s a fucking long-ass story I’m going to tell you a whole complete story on different page. I got a very terrific result for my academic stuff but I also start to received a lot of bullies from the boys in school, well that was poor but I still have a very good girl pals in school that always accompany me until I managed to graduate elementary school with a very keen grade and also knowledge that my body is changed A LOT.

My middle school life would probably the darkest stage of my life, I did enter one of favorite school in Bandung which I wanted to, but I’m not as happy as I thought to be. I’m amazed with all the bewitching seniors and that’s quite tempted me to have another activity outside the academic stuff which I hoped I could get close with the seniors and try my luck to actually dating with one of them (I was so obsessed to approach to the seniors because dude just admit it, u need that RECOGNITION to survived a new phase of school life, especially when u had a popular life back in previous school stage), but I joined a fucking scouting which was the most unpopular extracurricular activities in school (Pffffttt……….). The first year was quite so so, and up to the next years I really gulping a lot of bullies from the boys (again) more than I received my whole life that was so awful I even got scared just to attend the school. At this point, my level of confidence just dropped so bad until it penetrated the last form of earth soil, I was so insecure, I can barely made any eye contact with people, since then I became more closed to people, I was so scared for getting rejection, bad and all the harsh word from people I met. And for the record, I still remember all of their names, I’M NOT GONNA TO FORGET ALL OF U BITCH, U’VE RUINED MY LIFE.

Due to all the bullies I seized, I’m not maximizing my potential and have to accept the fact that I didn’t went to the high school I wanted so bad (which was the number one in Bandung, perhaps in Indo as well), instead, I have to go the high school (still one of the most-favorited high school in B-town though) that is filled with the most popular peeps in Bandung and known for the superiority of the all the seniors there, CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THAT? A girl who was traumatized so bad, scared of might get bullies since she’s not as beautiful, popular, rich or even attractive as most of the other girls in school. I was crying so bad to accept that difficult truth that I might got bullied again. But hey, there’s always a rainbow after the storm, turns out I did quite well in high school, I joined the student council and got so many good friends and capable of having group of girls squad (eventhough I always be the duff) and more active in non-academic stuff that lead me to a very bad grade result.

The relationship with my family is not went so smooth at all, I used to buried all my problems deep down on myself alone, and the result is no good. I was overly sensitive and got upset and explode VERY EASILY. My family doesn’t help at all, they also blame me for anything, made me hate myself more. I need to run away from this situation, I need to shed my resentment over something, AND THAT’S THE BEGINNING. I started to slashed my fingers with a cutter, not really bad, just until I saw blood drops over my fingers. But then the problem got more serious, I am addicted, after I had through a big fight with my family I start cutting up all over my hands, the blood is overwhelming (yet, I still had the time for doing the documentation, but obviously I’m not gonna post it in here anw, or maybe I will, ofcourse with a proper sensor), even when my sister have taken away all the cutters, I still use my nails to scratching my skin harshly until it get bleed terribly and left a very bad scars on my hands until now.

I failed academic stuff in high school miserably, and had to be genuinely accept the reality that I have to go to not-so-favorited-private uni in Cimahi, I took International Relations because that is the only major that is accredited with an A, lol but yeah my sister realized that I like to talk politics a lot and I’m not so bad in English (kinda true, nah still sucks). And yeah until now I just currently finished the 3rd semester very well. I got a very good grades (Probably because I regret my academic stuff so much in high school) and hoping that nice event will come up to me. My goals right now is to graduate college as soon and as perfect grades as possible, and got a very good job soon after I graduate, Oh God I want… No, I really need that things so bad.

Now I am 20 on April this year, so much things has happened in my teenage life but most of all is not that impressive because I came to be more ignorant(?), but geez I grew up doesn’t care about people, they are all so mean and cruel. But at the same time, people are so interesting to learn, including yourself. Teenage phase could be so difficult for some of you (just like me, or perhaps worse), but chillax that shit will over soon if you able to learn about yourself, finds out about anything you like and don’t, stop hearing all those shit opinion about you, what matter most is what makes you happy, focused on it and leave all the bad and negativity behind, and TRUST ME you’re gonna get over your hard-teenage-life phase soon! And if you were angry to your parents (I’m pretty sure that fight with parents happens all the time in everyone’s teenage life), take a deep breath and thinking something funny in your head, after u have control all the madness inside yourself, get over your parents nicely because that shit will never get over if you were just as emotional as them.

The more you grown up the more you understood about people around you, there are people that is fake, people that is actually care about you, and other types of people out there. Puberty might be shocking for some of you, you finds a lot of changes both in your physical and mental conditions, no need to be worry about that, is normal and very understandable. The passion for being ‘seen’ would be very strong, it would be good for you to use this ambition to achieve many great things in life but don’t forget to take care yourself and those people who care about you.

“Tough time never last, but tough people will do” – Robert H. Schuller

So yeah, that was the end of this boring and so weird writing of mine. I am so sorry if this shit was that bad and also the grammar errors that is whack (even though no one probably read it lol), this was my first experience to actually writing and posted in on any platform online, hoped my writing will get better next time!

Xiao!

#puberty #teenage #teenager #teenagers #teenagelife #bullied

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