#like you would think that the people who go through the same type of unacceptance would be more willing to understand and accept people

[maaaxx]

rant

(i havent overshared on here in a while and i think its about time i do that)

tw/ homophobia and transphobia

being queer in a rural area / area where theres not a lot out other gay people is really weird and really isolating.

yeah its the homophobes and terfs and people telling me about *how the gays are going to hell* and talking about us like we're subhuman without realizing im gay.

but its also the other gay people i've met.

theres this guy that ive been friends with for going on 11 years now (on and off) and he came out to me a year ago just by going "hey did you ever think that i might be gay" and i answered and that was that

months later i came out to him by telling him nonchalantly about my first girlfriend when i was like 13. he tells me about this girlfriend he had a few years prior. he then proceeds to go on this rant about how he's still "completely gay" thought since "she wasn't a real girl". and he goes on about how he thinks that if you date a trans person it automatically makes you pansexual since they "have the parts of a boy/girl even if they aren't one" (talking about how straight men cant date trans girls and still be straight and vise versa and how lesbians "cant" date trans girls and still call them lesbians)

last time i talked to him he was going on about "how women are nowadays" and calling them sluts and being really degrading.

There was a gay bi gender kid who rode my bus who constantly talked about the same stuff.

The first person I've ever came out to irl is one of my best friends recently told me she just "doesnt understand aromanticism" and doesnt think it's a real thing.

I came out to her as asexual about two years ago now and explained to her that i find a lot of aspects of my sexuality confusing but i still really wanted a label and she's the one who suggested i use the label 'queer'

but when i messaged her and told her that i also think im on the aromantic spectrum a few days ago she asked me to explain why and i sent her a whole essay explaining my experiences with romantic attraction for her to tell me she doesnt understand it and doesnt think that that makes me gay.

(like she's fine with asexuality but draws the line at aromanticism)

I also have this cousin whose a lesbian and only shows up like once every five years because of our family. but when she was home for christmas she and her sister went on a tirade about how being gay is fine but trans people are 'imposing on the community'.

i wasnt planning on coming out to her (i dont think ill ever come out to anyone in my family) but i was still sort of excited to see her because i havent talked to her since i came to terms with my sexuality and it just felt nice not being the only gay person in my family (even if i am closeted)

and its really isolating because this is my community. these are the people i have access to that have the most simular experiences and not one is fully accepting of other peoples identities.

every single gay friend i have that isnt aropohobic or transphobic or a misogynist (how tf are you going to be gay and sexist??? make it make sense) is online and my actual community is completely parasocial. i dont think thats healthy.

#tw homophobia #tw transphobia #arophobia #i have this one friend who doesnt know shit about the lgbt community #she doesnt understand sexuality #and shes like this with me being autistic too #like she doesnt understand it in the least bit but she does accept everything with it. #i have never talked to her about the specifics of my sexuality but i have made a backhanded comment about me being confused by it before #and she didnt address it for a while she just kind of dismissed it #but it got brought up really casually in conversation like a month later #idk how to explain it but thats just like what happened #i think she had an 'expirimenting phase' when we were like 12 #but nothing came of it #anywho #i think its really disappointing that the only person i can rely on to not invalidate my sexuality or anyone elses for that matter #doesnt know anything about sexuality #like you would think that the people who go through the same type of unacceptance would be more willing to understand and accept people #but apparently not #if i mentioned anything about asexuality or aromanticism to this one friend she would stare at me like a dear and headlights #i know for a fact shes never heard those terms before #but if id explain them to her she would just be like 'oh okay' and not think more about it

[lady-fey]

The Two Types of Redemption

Aka, why Avatar’s story works when so many others don’t.

There are two main paths to redemption: a shift in perspective and a shift in personality. The first is quite common and works very well for a character arc. The second is incredibly rare and should only be used if you’re going to heavily focus on it. Unfortunately, the ‘personality shift’ path seems to be the go-to and, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of story, it requires a ton of work to make it feel earned. Work that is often hand waved away.

To start, let’s define these paths.

A shift in perspective: your character is already a fundamentally ‘good’ person. They just have a messed up view of the world, likely due to their upbringing. During the story, their world view will be challenged, forcing them to realize that they’re on the ‘wrong’ side. The classic example of this is someone raised bigoted and then going to college or moving to a city and turning out accepting after being exposed to people of other races, sexualities, and so on.

A shift in personality: there is something fundamentally wrong with your character. The reasons for this are many and I’m not going to list them out, but they probably know that their behavior is unacceptable. They probably don’t think of themselves as being on the ‘right’ side or, if they do, it’s because they refuse to consider another perspective. During the story, they will have to do an incredible amount of work on themselves to try and completely change the way their brain is wired. The classic example of this is someone who goes through years and years of therapy.

Now I’m gonna talk about Zuko and Azula from Avatar because they’re extremely well-known characters, so most people on this site can read this without getting spoiled like they might with a lesser known property.

The reason why Zuko from Avatar has such a compelling story is that he’s a case of redemption through a shift in perspective. His personality doesn’t actually change. When we flash back to who he was as a child, it’s the same person that he ends up being as an adult. A loving, kind, honor-driven man who wants to be on the ‘right’ side. His only flaw is that he’s been raised in the Fire Nation, which means that his head is full of lies. Once he’s forced to interact with people on the other side of the war, he realizes that they’re not what he’s been told. This rocks him to his core and he struggles with it, but ultimately ends up giving up everything to be true to himself. To fight for honor.

His sister, Azula, never gets redeemed, but imagine if we put her in Zuko’s place and tried to tell the same story. It wouldn’t work because Azula delights in hurting others, something Zuko viewed as an unfortunate necessity of war. She views ruling as a way to gain power while Zuko views it as a burden taken on from duty to his people. To redeem Azula, you can’t just pop her in the Earth kingdom and make her see things from the other side. She actually does that and all that she sees is a great way to spy! Her redemption cannot be a passive one like Zuko’s was. It has to be an active focus of the story and would need her to want to seek help or have it forced on her.

Of course, there is a spectrum here, but the general principle that you can't lump all redemption stories together is an idea that often goes undiscussed, leading to characters like Azula getting treated like Zuko and it bothers me so you get a tumblr post about it!

As always, feel free to send me asks!

#writing advice #character development #character arcs #redemption arc #avatar the last airbender

[lutawolf]

I need to address this because it bothers me that much. I'm not going to call out anyone. I'm just going to give my opinion.

"If you see someone justifying THOSE shows that claim to be part of the BDSM community, I call BS. The BDSM community knows consent, they have to.... torture/kidnappings/etc. From my experience, most in that community are FIERCELY against SA" We'll give them credit for at least not using triggering words.

I am part of the kink community. If you doubt me. That's fine, that's your right. So, for those with an open mind here is some info on me. I joined the community when I was 19, my mentor is a mutual on here. To which people have seen her collaborate my story. I've been in a lifestyle D/s relationship for over 17 years. I'm not only into D/s but S&M.

Kinksters motto is absolutely Safe, Sane, And Consensual. As an SA myself, you bet your ass I'm against it. I am not against Kinnporsche, LITA, or others. Why? Because it's fucking fiction. It's art and I can recognize that. People have the right to express their feelings through art or live vicariously through art. You can not like it. That's fine but you don't get to dictate because you don't like something. Let me ask you, who is it harming? Don't tell me the queer community because this same type of art is shown in straight media all the time. If you are going to hold queer media to a higher standard, than you are part of the problem. You are perpetuating a system that would have us treated differently.

Now, it would be an issue if any of this was not recognized as problematic behavior. That's not what is going on here. We all know that we wouldn't want to meet Vegas in real life and what he did was fucked up. We all admit that Pai slides into unacceptable in real life. No one is denying the problems. In some cases we don't give a fuck and maybe some are living vicariously through art. In others maybe it's stimulating critical thinking skills in order for us to see the grey outside of black and white.

"They've dealt with the stereotypes of wanting to abduct some stranger to sexually torture them"

That's actually a kink dude. There are kinksters who are into role play of non-consent or abduction and even torture. I personally don't cause that isn't for me and wow would I flash back. However, I know individuals who have them. They don't hurt people. Some have a difficult time explaining why they have them and they feel guilty enough without someone saying they're a problem. True people of the community and allies don't put down other kinksters. Even if it's not our flavor, we strive to understand. BDSM isn't where you work out your problems but no one can deny that there is a psychological connection to what we do. I say bravo to the individuals who do this in the SAFEST, SANE, AND CONSENSUAL manner in which they can. Which is to live vicariously through fantasy.

"No, those individuals probably just enjoy fluffy handcuffs and think THAT'S kinky"

I know that I personally made comments about fluffy handcuffs and I'm sorry. I apologize to anyone offended by my comments. I was up in my feels because it felt this person was saying I wasn't community that I let it blind me. It's unacceptable to judge another kinkster. Light play is still kink. I know plenty of people who have fluffy handcuffs and a paddle. You are still kinkster and I'm truly sorry for being inconsiderate.

Okay, so there is my opinion. Take it or leave it.

#love in the air the series #lita #love in the air kink #kinnporsche #kinnporsche kink #big dragon the series #big dragon kink #coconuts mafia

[askanautistic]

HI, I would like to know what I can do and ways I can help to make my autistic partner comfortable in our relationship

Communication Communication is always going to be the most important thing to figure out. Different people have different preferences, but finding the right method of communication and understanding your partners communication style will go a long way towards building trust and understanding, and to making sure you're both able to problem solve when issues do come up.

Method/s might include texting instead of speaking, even if you're in the same room, or sending emails for important topics. It might be that speaking needs to happen at certain times or in certain situations (if your partner tends to find it easier to speak about things when on a walk, then going for regular walks offers the opportunity for discussion and bonding). Energy levels/Comfort levels It also helps to understand energy levels, and respect that some autistic people need a lot of down time, or time to ourselves. This isn't true for everyone, some autistic people are extroverted and will thrive off company, but many of us might struggle to transition between work and home, or might get overloaded and burned out from work or social situations, and so might need some extra time to ourselves without any demands before we're able to have discussions or help with chores. The same goes for comfort levels. We might have different levels of comfort with things like physical contact, and respecting that and recognising our love languages (that might be a little unusual or less obvious) instead of trying to force certain types of affection means we can be comfortable and not feel abnormal or self-conscious.

'The benefit of the doubt' This is something I often bring up when talking about relationships. The reason for this is that people can miscommunicate / misunderstand each other, and so thinking well of your partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt can be really helpful. Sometimes we mess up and need to be held accountable, of course, and sometimes behaviour is unacceptable... but there are often times when we need someone to just recognise that their interpretation of our behaviour isn't necessarily correct, and to try to view it through the lens of... well, giving us the benefit of the doubt, basically. Asking, 'Could this be an autistic thing?' If I say or do something that seems rude, it's reassuring to know that my partner won't interpret it that way, and if she is upset or unsure, she'll let me know without accusing me (and won't just make the assumption and quietly seethe over me saying or doing something she perceived as rude). Knowing that she thinks well of me and understands me means that I feel safer and more relaxed because she's that one person who I know is willing to try to understand things from my perspective and appreciates my perspective and how my brain works/how I communicate etc. (rather than wanting me to change).

Appreciation/Support/Accommodation Appreciating their autisticness (and other things about them, of course) will also help build trust and make sure they're comfortable. Knowing that my girlfriend likes how logical I am, and appreciates my honesty, and isn't bothered by my stimming, etc. Also, whilst she doesn't need to be interested in my interests, it's nice that she is happy for me (and also means I feel more comfortable because I know that whereas someone else might tease me or find some of my interests weird, she never judges me). It's nice when someone takes notice - shares an article with you about something you're interested in, or buys interest-related gifts. Even better when they show support. Particularly if the autistic person needs a bit more support than a non-autistic partner might need. Travel support, attending events they can't attend alone (even if you wouldn't otherwise choose to go). Everyday accommodations being a natural part of a relationship/household make life so much easier, and makes being autistic more 'normalised' and comfortable than when you're trying to fit yourself to NT standards. Creating (and being!) that safe space is something I appreciate most about my girlfriend. She's the person I'm most comfortable with and she makes my life so much easier than it would otherwise be. If you find any of my posts helpful, please consider supporting my by buying me a Ko-FI.

#relationships #autistic relationships #dating an autistic person #autistic partners

[layzeal]

i think your plea to keep 'shit' out of the main tag is worthwhile, but i don't think most people will understand what it means. to each person, the unacceptable looks slightly different. something that you consider to be drama-causing and shit-stirring to another person, esp a younger person, it isn't, or might even be the opposite. esp when it comes to generational and interpretation differences in language and perceived tone. then it's a big game of 'but what'd i do? i didn't mean it' because people really do stir shit about the most banal things, how could the poster have known they would meet the Number One Discourse Creator on their simple non-confrontational post? or it could be a different game of 'so what, there's no rules against starting a controversial conversation' and they're also right. we can't honestly dictate who does what in the main tag - so long as it's on topic, who actually has the authority to decide what's 'shit' and what's worthy of being seen? you don't have to respond to this btw, i just felt hopelessness at your post. if only!

you know, you're right!! i agree with you! i've just now realized my post would likely make people with like, anxiety disorders or ocd very hesitant to post in the main tag. my intention isn't at all to police what should or shouldn't go there, but for people to think twice before posting something like "ugh x character/ship is so bad and annoying 🙄 here's my bad faith interpretation of why anyone would ever like them and if you do you're ugly and stupid" or "x character/ship is actually the only good thing in this and anyone with anyone bad to say about them is an idiot who never learned how to read" which is a very specific type of discourse bait that, while perfectly fine to post in their own blog, putting it in the main tag for everyone to see? it'll just drive people away from it

but ofc not every post that feels uncharitable or too charitable for a character/pairing is going to be discourse bait, this is fandom and everyone should share their opinion, and posting in the main tag means finding more people that you can talk to about that! it's nuanced and ofc what i consider discourse bait isn't going to be the same another person does, and it's just something we'll have to learn to live with

but that's just all i'm asking for. a little bit more care and consideration, not even for my sake (i don't check the tag that much anyway and cab just block people), but for the sake of the new people arriving who will struggle to get notes on their art and writing if interested parties will have to scroll through rage-baiting hot takes every 5 posts you know?

#in a good surprise i checked the tag and found it has very little discourse bait rn so that's good! #but yeah you're right anon!! it does depend on the person #but generally there is a very specific type of sentiment you can find on posts that are just genuinely sharing their opinion #vs trying to start shit to hashtag destroy the stans/antis #it just gets old very fast #long post

[deanismysavior]

hi! i hope this is an excellent time to ask for your opinion abt this tweet i saw. honestly, i got taken aback by how the op worded everything :(( so i was hoping you could share your thoughts abt it

thank you so much in advance and keep slaying ily <3

I see this take A LOT as someone who was also a part of the 20+ Heartstoppertwt crowd, and here's the thing: if you're sexualizing children, then I would agree with OP that it's gross and unacceptable, but that's really not the case for the vast majority of the fandom. Often times, queer people experience a certain delay in experiencing a lot of the romantic firsts that we tend to see straight people experience in their teenage years, mostly because we have this added pressure of figuring ourselves out and fearing who will or won't accept us. The stakes of our love lives seem higher and we can't just put ourselves out there in the same ways because danger to our personal safety and alienation are real things that queer people experience when coming out or making a move toward a potential love interest when we're not certain how they feel. While the acceptance towards queer people has definitely gotten better in recent years, it doesn't mean that these fears and these stakes no longer exist. Being able to see other queer people represented on screen in a way that feels authentic is so important and healing to so many people, but it is especially important for older viewers who did not have access to that safety or comfort around their sexuality to see queer teens going through similar struggles and being accepted and loved, because a lot of us weren't. A lot of us believed that we might have to settle for good enough, be alone, not have the support of our friends and family, or never experience the type of love we were supposed to feel at that age. When the majority of popular shows are geared toward a teenage audience or set in high school, it's kind of hard not watch and get invested in stories about that age demographic, but I think that especially in queer television, there are so many fewer shows that depict coming to terms with queerness as an adult, which of course is a missed market, but as queer people, we have to show up to support the (good) representation that we get in order for it to be considered marketable to produce more media with a queer focus. I think one of the reasons though that we as queer people get so invested in the love stories of young queer people is because so many of us at that age didn't believe that love like that existed for us. We didn't know that we would ever have that, and so to watch these stories in which queer people recognize and accept themselves and fall in love in a way is an avenue to healing that part of our childhood and teenage selves that felt unable to be loved or not deserving of the love that we do, in fact, deserve. And while I focused mostly on queer people in this post, I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling seen by teenagers on screen and wishing for them to have the stories you didn't at their age, as long as you're not out here being a creep and sexualizing them when it's not age appropriate.

#byler #byler endgame #byler nation #ask #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #st #queer media #lgbtq media #will byers is gay #mike wheeler i know what you are

[ibtisttime]

Only what's good for you

Mother, the woman that carried you for months and brought you to this world, stayed up day and night to watch over you, went through so much to raise you, always only thought about what's good for you. Or good for her??

Mother, a figure that society has always glorified, the one figure that is never be disrespected, always treated as something holy. I think the one thing that the whole world does agree on, no matter what religion, race, culture, background, belief, is how much mothers should be respected. And I certainly agree too, the mother figure is one like no other. Mothers do endure so much physical and emotional damage to just bring us to this world. They make sacrifies like no other for their childern, like how many moms around the world have quit chasing their dreams or doing their jobs just to have the baby they were pregnant with? I'm certainly not trying to discredit them in any why but, hasn't this gone too far??

I am writing about this because I think it's not talked about enough. Because so many people are put through so much just because they somehow are not very big fans of their moms. You can't stand your mother??? you're a horrible ungreatful child.

Mothers are painted as angels who are always there for you, understand you like no other, stand up for you, give you all the affection and love you need, assist you in major life decisions, be inspirational, role models, someone you can rely on and be proud of. And it seems to me that they're not just painted as such. Most mothers are actually so kind and angel like. This is the only way to explain how unaccepted it became to express being not so content with your mother. Maybe because most people really do not know what it is like to have a mother of another sort. to have a mother that only wanted what's the best for you (for her).

They have not experienced it, so they cannot understand. How can you be not all about your mother? you're the weird one. What they don't ubderstand is, maybe you weren't lucky enough to be blessed with a mother like theirs. And that this act of glorifying motherhood so much, is what enabled some other moms to become horrible to their children.

Just as I was typing this, my mom called me. uncharged her negative load on me and hung up. If I was the same as a I was a couple of years ago, I would be sitting now crying and thinking of what I could do to help her. She would be the center of every action and every decision I make. But no, now I realized it is all part of a much bigger and much more horrible thing. And I realized I should not let it affect me.

Many mothers have no idea what parenting or motherhood is. they are unable to provide their children with motherly affection and sometimes even go beyond that and create issues for their children.

If you do not like your mother, if you do not want to be in the same environement as her, or even if you absolutely loath her, just know that it's okay. You are probably not the problem. it is just your mother trying to live through you and her making everything so suffocating. her obsessive behaviours of controling every litlle detail of your life, and always being right, is the problem.

Oh and the guilt tripping. of making herself a victim and making you feel like you're a horrible person for slightly standing up for your life. just never fall for those traps. it is time for you to start establishing boundaries.

#writeblr #mother #narcissistic mother

[agonycrossbow]

I'm pretty confident in saying that anyone in my generation who slaps "siblings" on Leon and Ashley are probably people who have another ship and have had it for a while and don't want Ashley getting in the way of it, tbh LMAO

Like.... my generation has co-opted the current generation's vernacular, but make no mistake about the kind of bitches we are. We're ship war bitches. That's all we've ever been AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE OUR WAYS NOW fjdskfh

But if we're talking about the current generation...

Media illiteracy is a big factor in this. It's no secret to anyone that the US education system took a massive shit starting in the late aughts/early 2010s, and things like critical reading skills aren't being taught in schools anymore.

I graduated high school in 2007. Two years later, I went back to visit an old English teacher to get a letter of recommendation, and he was lamenting to me that he'd just given up. It wasn't worth trying to explain the deeper themes of Beowulf to kids who didn't care, because the only thing that mattered was getting them to pass standardized tests.

So, now, without an overt, explicit declaration of love or something visually concrete like a kiss, kids literally do not have the skills to parse through a text and pick out themes and tropes and use of symbolism and imagery. They were never taught how to do it.

But there's a more culture-based thing happening here, I think. It's this fucking mess of a cocktail of internalized misogyny paired with learned helplessness, social anxiety, intense sheltering possibly exacerbated by the pandemic shutdowns, peer pressure, and internet purity culture.

I think it's pretty safe to say that fandom is predominantly made up of women and teenage girls. That was true in the 60s in Star Trek fandom, it was true in my generation, and it's still true today. And what I've seen happening today is that young women are absolutely terrified of their own sexual agency -- because the internet keeps telling them that, if you're under 18, it is wrong and bad and unacceptable for you to engage with anything even remotely sexual and how dare you express your sexuality -- and you'd better not do it not just because it's wrong and bad, but also because you are GUARANTEED TO BE PREYED UPON IF YOU DO. SEX IS DANGEROUS ALL OF THE TIME AND YOU'RE LITERALLY TOO YOUNG AND TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING SO DON'T TRY TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Because if you're 17 and he's 18, he's a pedophile!!!!!!!!

I just.

So, we've now basically turned an entire generation of young women into the same type of young women who created the BL genre in Japan. These are women who were too afraid to explore their sexuality on their own, and it felt safer to do it with two male characters, because it was always more "okay" for men to be sexual. This is happening here in the West, now.

Slash ships have always been a thing in the West, but not to the degree that they are today. In today's fandom, if you have an M/F ship at all, you are outnumbered by at least 3:1 -- because M/M just "feels" safer for a lot of the current generation.

So, I think young women look at the Remake portrayal of Ashley Graham, and they identify with her. A lot. They're probably around her age, and her personality is very relatable to the kind of girls who play video games. Ashley's clearly introverted, but she's a fast learner who just wants to help, and she's got a good heart and a weird, kind of awkward sense of humor.

And, not only do these girls identify with Ashley, they're probably thirsty as fuck for Leon.

But that's terrifying to them.

Because they have been taught to fear their own sexual agency. The idea that an attractive, traditionally masculine, older man would be romantically or sexually interested in them is immediately categorized in their brains as wrong and bad -- and they don't want to think of Leon in that way.

So... for them, it can't be romantic. It can't be sexual. But there's clearly something there, but Leon would never abuse or prey on anyone so... that bond must be a perfectly innocent familial affection. That's what it is. That's what it has to be, because anything else forces them to face the uncomfortable reality even young women like them go on dates and have sex -- and sometimes, it's with men like Leon.

So, they thirst over Leon at a safe distance through Luis, primarily. Or they self-indulge on reader fic, because that's so much easier to write off as "just a fantasy" and not a statement on who Leon actually is as a character.

And it's just kind of sad, man. It sucks to see this happen to an entire generation of young women.

That's why I don't really get mad when I see the "siblings" shit out in the wild. I just feel sad for those people -- because they can't just say "I don't like the ship." They're so insecure and neurotic that they have to think of a reason why the ship is literally impossible to ever happen so that they don't have to be worried about it.

One day, they'll finally suck a dick for themselves and learn that it's not that serious. It's really fuckin not. Dicks are stupid, and the boys that are attached to them are even dumber.

#resident evil fandom commentary

[thesecretattic]

Another Bizarre Incident + something about Aditya at the end

I have no other option than dying thanks to his/their unwantedness, he himself had come go through the signs I’ll die while saying this that since he was also interested and we shared those signs till the very end I deserved a chance instead of getting rejected that too unequivocally due to superficial reasons. I have lost 8+ years of my life from 2015 bed ridden all alone abused at home crying and then his torture. I still remember frantically texting him my link (in 2018-19) again signs and coincidences I was scared that he’ll react in a very bad manner pls read my post which says how it has impacted my health and mind and BRAIN (physically) and he did he reacted in such a hostile dismissive way that I almost fainted my mother on the other end was torturing me to death, this is what my life was all about pls read everything from at least Jan-Mar 2023. I wanted to get hypnotherapy done to forget everything related to him after finishing my book and getting married to someone else but there was NO ONE he was my soulmate rest maximum are taken in today’s times i had told you it’s EASY for others NOT for me, he has made it impossible THEY ALL SEEM to share the same reason as him, I’m treated like an untouchable in India when one does something the rest COPY NO ONE WANTS TO EVEN TALK that is exactly what is going on and I feel like I’m already dead as if ppl can’t hear me, enough of innuendos I’m too sick I kept crying again

It occurred to me today that whoever was with him like his ex and all those who were close to him who were in his life, were very lucky they were the luckiest ppl on this planet. I wish I would’ve been exactly what he wanted, I can’t type much I’m coughing due to low pressure I am too ill that impacted tooth has given me an infection in my chest and all my head nerves have sensitised they are too tender and painful to touch. I wanted to share this incident - I was 15 and I was at the service centre to repair my 15 inch MacBook 💻 That area had a church and a cemetery right opposite that and lot of odd incidents have happened there with me and even my mother, she’s also a witness, there was a man who came out of nowhere and he was following me my mom and my brother when we were kids, he kept going everywhere we went, we crossed the signal to get rid of him my mother’s idea but he too crossed behind us and he kept crossing signals JUST LIKE US it was dusk after Magrib the cemetery was right there so I think it was a lost soul or it could be just some random old person with dementia, nonetheless I’ll share the other incident which is very weird, the weather is scary btw it’s like doom’s day is approaching and I’m too scared cuz I’m very ill so I get dreams where I see horrible explosions in the sky and the worst kind of thundering possible due to climate change threat, anyway we were at the service station (I was 15) my chest is quivering at the slightest sound while I’m writing this due to that infection and all the stress I had told u I will die I won’t be able to handle it. My book could’ve explained this incident but I’m dying with all the secrets, I had thought someone would ask me what the story was about but people are so boring, I was adding them for that contract marriage (I don’t think even platonic is possible for me so house mates one) and I thought if they’ll like the story and we’ll become acquainted with each other then we can try having that contract marriage (+ hypnotherapy) at times I feel like I want a normal relationship but my bf age is gone I was always that “type” and it’s too late, I really wish I would’ve been whatever he wanted, and now I don’t this anyone wud accept me, I feel like sharing a normal life with someone with complete “acceptance” for everything he rejected that’s the only way I’ll get my confidence back and realise that I wasn’t that unacceptable. He never wanted me, I was okay with the dark ugly pics (had to mention I realised he doesn’t actually look like that so u don’t have to assume he’s like those old photos the camera might be such) but I was okay with that and even when his fingers were looking dark again due to low res. camera and lights, inspite of the ring I was okay with that too and I cried so much I just never want to face him in real life I had stopped going to Malad in 2016 itself due to all that hate (repulsion) then I stopped going out and I haven’t left my room since 2017, I wish someone would’ve gotten me out of this exile, I never cared about the eyes and all I really don’t I never wanted this handsome or rose I wouldn’t have maintained a distance from fair and rich guys, I wanted to hold his hands in my thoughts as usual when I felt like I was dying or I couldn’t make it but now I can’t after the ring (pls read that story also it’s in my previous post) the devil killed one of the characters IN REAL LIFE I had Aditya singh’s screenshot in my hidden album it doesn’t have the death date cuz

he was alive back then, I had taken that cuz I had recently come across his profile I had not stalked though it was from Google that too because of the Singh Rajput surname from that show Pishachini I was making peace with the fact that it’s not Jayesh Rajput and that such surnames are common. Cuz I was insecure my name had come up with Harsh’s last name as Zara Rajput and there were several ZH even with heart (I have SHARED ALL EVIDENCE AND SCREENSHOTS in my previous posts) our initials and numbers (marriage related kept coming up) and now when I see that Aditya’s screenshot I feel horrible cuz it doesn’t have a death date, his SS was amongst all the hidden pics which have Jiya and Harsh etc. That too not many it’s all just evidence but not related to signs, just some of my rivals I don’t deem them as rivals he made them that but it just has their ugly shots (even other girls hehe) and a few other things which I clarified for my assurance. But his SS was amongst all this and he was a part of the story back then I didn’t even know he was his friend and one of the characters is dead now. At this point we should’ve been Serious, there’s a reason why he was killed read my prev post. It was for the ring which took away his hand from me. I can’t even hold it in my thoughts while dying my own hand is cold n numb n paralysed rn can’t type autocorrect mode I was okay even if those hands would’ve been actually dark like the pics I was okay I loved him so much I did feel like maybe someone should’ve accepted me in the same manner my hands are lighter (so are his or else he’ll blame me for lying it was just the camera) but the bottom line is I was okay even if it would’ve been real. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else’s hands I was okay with them cuz they were HIS. I just wanted “Harsh” I have 0 confidence I feel like my story (if you’ve read that Anu Gupta part) doesn’t matter like I have no right to voice it or narrate it, I feel like I don’t have enough respect or ppl don’t want to hear from me they don’t want to know they are all dismissive like him, they don’t value me and I’m not going to quote unrealistic soliloquies such as “If they don’t value you find new ppl” WHERE ARE NEW PEOPLE? I’m talking about ALL PEOPLE. I’m getting wheezing had to share that “teaser” before dying tonight, I just wanted ppl to realise that someone like me also will have something worthwhile to say and we should be given a chance I don’t know what separates me from you, and makes me an untouchable unspeakable online too, no one LITERALLY NO ONE wants to associate or talk either they have too many ppl in their lives or they are just busy copying him, he was my soulmate but he DIDNOT want me so I was waiting for someone else and my posts do reach out ppl notice I even send friend requests to find someone but none of them want a “reject”. I have to die I can’t even heal from his rejection he meant everything to me, like I said all those who were with him were the LUCKIEST of all, I can’t do my hypnotherapy to forget that or move on with someone else (WHY SHUD I BE ALONE ALL OF YOU GUYS GAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER, it’s NOT my age to stay with my parents ppl get married and shift into their dreams homes I’ve seen several especially during Cov BUT my life has only gotten worse) it’s NOT normal their behaviour is not normal

If you are that conservative and you only want someone from ur HINDU religion then mention it on dating apps even that Taher who met me married some Gujju girl so Muslim guys don’t want us Hindu guys don’t want us or they only want money my OWN SOULMATE doesn’t want me, go thru the signs in prev hood posts, so what do they want? Its not about contract marriage someone should’ve actually made up for all those 10 years and accepted me the way I accepted him, inspite of his monetary status or lack of “popularity” (social status) complexion which was there in the pics or even looks (height and all even the double chin in 2014) I had to say that cuz I really wish I would’ve had someone like me for the first time I am saying “Like me” and not like Harsh. Why can’t all other men budge yaar? They only marry their mother a choice this is MODERN DAY INDIA? Yes mummy yes mummy waale dumb imbeciles, why can’t anyone man up and message? Flirt? Ask me out on a date? (You don’t have to flirt with others you can flirt with me all you want but only me) why can’t they ask if I need help with the book like a matured adult? Why can’t they APPROACH OR TALK TO A GIRL? They say na Sx is easy these days then where’s your spine? Can’t man up to even TALK? I’m done with this, what kind of boring c**ts do we have in India? They can sleep with those typical Lokhandwala behenjis who have that fake accent and same common “tone”, all those stupid bimbos they have a fetish they call them “cute” acc to them dumb girls are cute?!!

SHAME ON YOU can’t handle a bomb? Itna bada Tope hai aur bomb handle nahi kar sakta hai? This quote had come up for me “She’s fragile but now like a flower like a bomb” I had said another variation of my name means a flower and I never wanted to be recognised as that I’m not a flower 🌸 I’m not something that feminine or boring, I’m not some cliche representation of beauty, my spelling means light as a matter of fact and I’m happy about it.

I have no other option I am DYING DUE TO ALL OF YOU, had to share that bizarre incident to light the wick and drop that bomb before dying. - Zara Sauleh

[not-so-brief-advice]

Advice #1

how to deal with toxic/fragile masculinity

Right before my school ended, my English class was presenting our final project. Part of it was to find an object that symbolized a character in the novel, and why. Long story short, nearly everyone (mainly the guys) decided to represent a female character (notorious for wittily talking back to a guy who she bantered with) with a sword/shard object. Why? Because she was fiesty, snarky, whatever. I didn’t care and I still don’t now, it was accurate, after all. But what really struck me was what my teacher said. She remarked that the guys really couldn’t handle a girl who talked back.

I laughed at this, I found it hilarious. But part of why it was so funny was because it was true, putting the project aside. So many guys in my life, even in that class, are not just borderline but blantantly misogynistic, even worse to girls who defend themselves. I used to dread going anywhere near these people because it was their hobby to make fun and gang up on girls like me. And the part that makes me absolutely furious is that I knew they’re aware of how unacceptable their behavior was. Guys like this don’t act like that to girls they find attractive. They put the obnoxiousness in their pocket and give them a smile or flirt a little and throw a compliment here and there. They know that they shouldn’t be acting like that, so they hide it away to look better for their crush.

I do not take a piece of their crap. If they say something rude to me, I give it right back to them. And then they get even worse. If I was a guy, doing the same thing and defending myself, they would laugh or even gain a little respect for me. But no.

To put it simply, guys like this are intimidated by women who have the power to defend themselves, have the confidence to speak back, and above everything, have the self respect to not let themselves be treated like that by anyone. It is not an issue with us, or how we act. Society may say “be a little more quiet! just ignore it!” but at the end of the day, it is their own fragile masculinity that is being hurt. They try to feed their egos and think they gain something by acting like insufferable little toddlers.

So don’t give them what they want. Don’t be quiet. Don’t let anyone treat you like less than what you’re worth. My suggestion is to be direct. It’s their issue, their insecurity, and it’s not your problem to deal with. I hit one of them with something like, “What’s your problem? Do you think that bothering a random girl is going to fix whatever insecurity you got under there? Because honestly, if you can’t handle someone talking back to you, it’s not working.” Dude was angry but pretty much never bothered me again. Don’t expect anything less than respect.

Anyways, most of this type of misogyny is mainly prevalent in middle school/high school. If you had to read this because you’re going through something similar or worse, I’m sorry they’re like that. Hope this could help, and my inbox is open to anyone.

#misogynists #toxic #toxic masculinity #fighting misogyny #advice #bullying #not so brief advice #being real

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Hi! [You didn't summon me, I was going to ask this before you mentioned me. :)]

You've said before what you think of BK, but I was wondering what you think of DK? (Meaning Jeritza, not Donkey Kong.)

KEK! Koyasu is in the same boat as you. The Rascal Boat.

A shame about Donkey Kong. I bet I could solo Maddening with him. unpopular opinion diddy kong is better tho

In DK's case I consider him an antagonist of circumstance. BK to me is just a straight up villain, and the man has full awareness and knowledge of what he's saying and doing at all times. DK is basically a personality that exists from trauma and is something Jeritza doesn't actually like. BK does what he does because he wants to for Sephiran's sake.

I see DK as more of an unfortunate creation of a person's emotions/feelings. Jeritza realized what a horrible man his father was, but it of course didn't end there. He knew plenty of people in society were corrupt in similar ways and he knew he had no sympathy for those people. If terrible things befell those people, he would be grateful or it.

Mercedes considers Jeritza to be a sweet boy, and I think that actually makes perfect sense as to why DK even exists. Jeritza is the side of him that is kind and doesn't actually want to do "bad" things, or things society would normally see as unacceptable (even if it was, say, killing his own father, but doing so because his father was literal scum of the earth who was going to rape his own daughter and force her to have his child).

DK is the side of him that is free of societal limitations, so if anything I think DK is more of an interesting psychological study. He's what was born in Jeritza when Jeritza realized he wanted to do with away with the bad people in the world (while knowing that killing is generally deemed unacceptable even if it's toward a terrible person). I take DK's existence as Jeritza personally wanting to remove the scummy people from the world via killing them, but since that's looked down upon in society, he needs another identity that doesn't care about those things. Jeritza is bound by those things, and so a split personality was created within him by his own feelings and struggles that wouldn't be bound by those things, and would help him to save his sister.

Eventually DK went off the rails and just killed as an addiction, so in a way it's like Jeritza started killing as this split personality out of what he felt was necessity, but it got carried away and went on too long to the point that "killing" was DK's existence instead of killing for a reason. Instead of killing for a reason, his reason became killing/to kill. However, he didn't just do it and he needed an employer to give himself a reason to enact his reason, because even as DK he couldn't justify senseless murder (which is still the Jeritza side of him poking through imo).

I think it's because Jeritza, as he was, wasn't suited to kill. He wasn't the type of person able to do that (which is understandable because it takes a lot in a human to be able to kill other humans. We're naturally not mentally meant to just be able to do that). Because of that, when he finally hit the point of having no choice and having to kill - when he was forced into a situation that made him kill (i.e. for Mercedes' safety), it's possible that could have messed him up and created that side of himself that was pleased and happy to have killed this horrible person. Since people would see his pleasure in murder as grotesque, he needed DK as a defense mechanism since he also came to believe those notions.

DK feels to me like a creation that exists because there's a side of Jeritza that thinks some people are too far gone and just need to be eliminated. Since, again, that's generally seen as taboo in society, it could've impacted him to also believe "I can't do that myself though because it's wrong". DK doesn't have those restraints in mind as long as his killing is within reason, i.e. why he needed to be hired for a war, because he's perfectly okay killing unacceptable people or killing in a war (since... that's what you do in war lol), but he's still not okay just murdering innocent people on the street.

What brought me to that conclusion is his very active and expressed distaste in his actions under this other personality. He doesn't like killing and doesn't really want to do it. He did it that one time because he had no other choice if he wanted to save his sister (and mother). He still considers DK another part of himself though and views DK's actions as his own, trying to take responsibility for whatever he's overcome with while in that mindset.

In Hopes they make it especially clear in his supports with Mercedes that he wants to be judged for what he's done. He tells Edelgard he wants the war to go on for however long because it gives him purpose as DK, but at the same time (re: Mercedes supports) he completely, wholehearted regrets all of his actions and basically wants to be seen as a criminal for what he's done, even in the war that he was hired for.

He doesn't actually want to keep killing, but it's an addiction for the side of him that became DK. When it's all over, he just wants to turn himself in and be judged for his crimes, enough to the point that he doesn't want to even live with his sister and mother again because he, essentially, thinks they're literally actually too good and pure for what he's done at that point. He doesn't want his gentlehearted family living with a killer.

Imo it's that huge contradiction that makes Jeritza actually interesting in his story and makes excuses for his actions significantly more acceptable (i.e. he doesn't do it to be cruel, scare people, etc). Also, DK wants to fight very strong opponents but he also is extremely suicidal about it. Imo it's kind of hinted that the reason he wants to fight someone as powerful as Byleth is because he wants to find the strongest person he can who will be capable of killing him. His other purpose is basically to kill until he dies. He wants to die. Jeritza is so mentally unstable that he can't grasp what he's done in his life and has reached the conclusion that he deserves to die for what he's done.

What I don't like about BK's story in RD is that it basically excuses cruelty. Jeritza was mentally unstable but actively regretted all of his actions. He was by no means a bad man who did things for nefarious reasons.

BK, in contrast to that, knew Sephiran's plans the whole time, so he knew what they were working toward, and he was needlessly cruel while enacting their plans (remember when he threatened to murder Ike and Mist while Greil was dying? Literally threatened to murder two completely innocent people simply for being the children of someone he was targeting? Remember how he says he can take out Greil's family by the root when Mist shows up wanting to fight him alongside Ike in chapter 27?). He enjoyed fighting strong people, but not because he wanted to die in the fight. He just... liked finding powerful people. He even says there's no use in killing a fool.

Now after all that, and all of him using and backstabbing between both Begnion and Daein, and oh let's not forget his involvement in murdering a good chunk of the hawk tribe to the point Tibarn was seeking revenge and personally reminds Ike about that in Endgame 2 if you bring him to the Tower of Guidance... we end BK's story with a sad "uwu well my life sucked because I was a Branded but uwu I admired and respected my teacher so very much".

The teacher that he killed willingly, as Sephiran confirms he had nothing to do with that and that it was something BK took upon himself to do. So basically, BK was extremely cruel, very vocal about being so, and clearly had no remorse in behaving that way in PoR (but yet in RD says "if he can take the path of not taking a life, that's the path he'll choose" (catch Greil shouting "oowoo motherfuckers!" about that in the afterlife). Sometimes, yes, he did play the part as Ashnard's right hand man and had to act cruelly to do so, but quite a bit of it was his own personal agenda, such as, well, kinda being a creep and stalking Ike to decide if he was strong enough to be worth killing. uwu.

Jeritza on the other hand didn't become the DK for someone else's plans and plots. He didn't become DK and then just start cruelly doing things that he didn't regret. If you remember, BK doesn't really... regret killing Greil. He only expresses regretting how the fight had been too easy. Yup. That's it, folks. That's all he actually regretted when he killed a man with two kids and a whole company of people who relied on and loved him!

The thing is, I'm pretty sure Jeritza would be disgusted if he saw that kind of thing lol. It's exactly because of shit like that that DK existed (at least imo), and it just became very extreme over time. Jeritza killed in his grief and horror at what would happen if he didn't. If he stood by and let it happen, he would feel guilty then too, so he was going to feel guilt for killing or not killing. He really was a sweet boy like Mercedes says, and imo that's why DK turned into what he/the personality was. It was a way for Jeritza to temporarily turn off the switch that kept him from killing or from feeling guilt about killing.

I see Jeritza as a tragic, mentally ill character (very similar to Dimitri in fact, because they both have the exact same suicidal, "I deserve to be judged for my crimes" mindset despite their reasons not actually being explicitly coldhearted and cruel). In BK's case I see him as a great villain, but one that got tainted by RD trying to justify him by making him have a sad backstory (that doesn't actually land anymore when you consider that it gets invalidated pretty quickly by him killing the teacher he claimed to respect so much and having no regret about that particular fact), and by making him "a decent dude" as a commander that a super nice sweetheart (Levail, oh my dear Levail) respected and looked up to a whole lot.

What I mean by the backstory not landing is that no matter how sad the backstory is, if the present version of the character's actions just become horrible because it's what they want to do for themselves (remember how the only reason he didn't murder Ike in front of his dying father was because he didn't feel like putting up with Caineghis??? yeah. yeah.), it doesn't come across as a tragic antagonist. Jeritza came across as a good person who was pushed to do "bad" things, and he also doesn't seem to be able to handle what he/DK has done. BK can handle it just fine and can't dangonit shut up about his gloriously violent achievements. He doesn't care about being judged for his actions or anything.

Personally I think it says a lot about a person when they kill for a "just" reason like saving Mercedes from that horrific trauma she would've ended up with, but still agonizing about his actions enough that he sees himself as some unclear monster for it. He literally thinks he's terrible for killing a man like that! He wants justice to try to feel better about doing something like that! It's sad and definitely speaks to a better story regarding mental health and things like dissociation from extreme circumstances.

I try to separate PoR BK and RD BK in my mind because it just feels like a poor attempt at making a morally gray villain. PoR gave us nothing to indicate he was morally gray, but Tellius' writing in general is absolutely fantastic and I feel like they could've pulled that off if they wanted to. They needed an imposing and frightening villain for the characters though, and that's fine... but it's when they try to make that terrifying villain a not so bad person way too late into the series' story (re: it didn't even happen in PoR so it's not like we had hints sprinkled for us throughout the first game) that I really can't get on board with it.

If you're talking about who is the better villain, I'd say BK. If you're talking about who is the better morally gray antagonist, I'd say Jeritza.

#DCB Ask

[grahamstoney]

Nice Guy Syndrome

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/relationships/nice-guy-syndrome

Nice Guy Syndrome

When I start hearing the same message coming at me from multiple independent sources, that usually gets my attention. This year I’ve had several sources giving me the message that women want men with backbone who they can “push up against”. They get tired and ultimately resentful of Nice Guys who always yield powerlessly to them, and everyone else.

I listened to an interview by David DeAngelo (of Double Your Dating fame) talking with Robert Glover described what is wrong with Nice Guys most succinctly by quoting a comment from his ex-wife, who said “How would I know that you could ever stand up for me, if you can’t even stand up to me?”. Robert calls it Nice Guy Syndrome, and has even written a book titled No More Mr. Nice Guy! He points out that while Nice Guys think that what they are doing will please other people, ultimately it just leads to resentment. In short, it really pisses women off.

At [intlink id=”239″ type=”post”]Passionately Alive[/intlink], Nicholas talked about the importance of having relationships with people who meet us where we are at, with a similar level of passion. Women want guys who don’t just collapse or run away in the face of strong emotions, whether they be the pleasant or unpleasant variety. When a woman pushes up against a man emotionally, she’s testing his boundaries and his resilience; she wants to know that he’s up to it, and that he’s not going to just walk away or act all pathetic in the face of what’s real for her.

In an anger management workshop run by Denise Cook, she talked of the importance not only of being able to express our anger, but of being prepared to stand our ground and listen to another person’s anger without collapsing, running away or becoming defensive. Women particularly want men who are prepared to listen to what they have to say, even when it isn’t all sugary and sweet.

When I’m dancing, girls often comment that when I’m providing a strong, firm lead, they enjoy dancing with me more. They want to be led strongly; they don’t want a weak, noncommittal lead. It works the other way too; when a girl has no “tension” and her arm just flops around and yields when I push against it, I feel no connection with her. I want a strong connection, not a weak one. When I push against a girl, I want her to push back because that makes the partnership feel more connected and ultimately more fun. It’s the same in the rest of life too.

Nice Guys Finish Last

I’m still recovering from Nice Guy Syndrome. I was brought up to be polite and respectful, and thought that if I was “nice” to other people, I’d avoid conflict and get through life relatively unscathed. But another way of looking at it is that I adopted the nice guy persona because I mistakenly thought it was the best way to get my needs met. Being a Nice Guy is a lazy way of trying to be happy by seeking other people’s approval and validation, rather than having to learn how to love and validate ourselves.

Some of the symptoms that have affected me are:

Seeking approval and validation from other people

Trying to make other people like

Worrying too much what other people thought

Avoiding conflict

Worrying about offending other people

Trying really hard not to upset people

Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings

Apologizing for other people’s feelings of upset

Not allowing myself to feel or express anger

Not asking for what I really wanted

Not speaking up for myself

Making rejection about me, rather than about other people

Feeling like I was never good enough

Believing that if I just tried harder to please people, they would give me what I wanted without me having to ask

Telling people what I thought they wanted to hear

Avoiding feelings of shame by not exposing thoughts, feelings or desires I thought were morally unacceptable

Pandering to the lowest common conservative denominator

Nowadays, I’m starting to look at things differently. I recognize that Nice Guy Syndrome not only doesn’t get me what I really want, but it also tends to piss people off. Especially women I relate too. They want a man that’s his own real self with them, not a compliant wuss that’s trying to seek their approval all the time.

I’m working on finding my own validation internally instead of seeking it from other people. I’m learning to accept that when people are upset or angry with me, that’s about them rather than about me. I can take it. I’m learning to question and challenge the misguided things that I have been taught about basic human nature which made me feel shameful about myself.

I’m standing up for myself and speaking my truth, whether other people like it or not, and I’m learning to handle the uncomfortable feelings that I get when I do so. Ultimately, I’m learning to be more authentic by stripping away the act that I misguidedly played in the hope that it would make other people like me.

#nice guys #self-acceptance #validation #women #Relationships

[shotorozu]

hi bae!!! deku, shoto, denki with an s/o who's like affectionate with all her friends and they get insecure and kinda jealous :( ?? tysm in advance <33

s/o that’s affectionate to friends

character(s) : midoriya izuku, todoroki shouto, kaminari denki (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name, L/N = last name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, kinda angsty but there’s reassurance (x reader)

note(s) : another one i kinda held off doing because of it getting buried in the inbox sndjwkd i’m sorry for the delay! i didn’t like how denki’s turned out im so sorry

➽───────────────❥

midoriya izuku

man already knows that you’re very touchy with your friends, that’s just who you are

heck, i think before you guys started dating, you were touchy to him too! (but even more because,, you like him)

so he shouldn’t be shocked when you link onto kirishima’s arm, or when you jump to give mina a back hug

and most especially, when you poke at bakugou’s cheeks— and he just LETS YOU for some reason

he’s glad that you feel comfortable around people, considering that it’s why you’re even touchy in the first place.

but he can’t help but wonder,, is he doing enough to you? i mean, you basically do the same to him, but added the cheek, lip kisses

and the wonderful words you get to shower him in daily.

not only that, but he does tend to flush up when you try to initiate some sort of physical affection. maybe,, he’s supposed to let you be?

let you do all of that, since it makes you happy? i mean,, he supposes that he’s willing to do that.

izuku’s not a restrictive person when it comes to things like that, so he supposes that he’ll just have to ignore the weighted feeling on his shoulders despite not carrying a thing at that very moment

on the other hand, you couldn’t help but notice a change in izuku. not anything too concerning, of course

but he’d turn a blind eye— whenever you’d initiate physical affection to your other friends. he’d go silent, until it was over

eventually, you overhear a rather heartbreaking conversation between the dekusquad, and izuku himself

“deku! if you’re so down about it, then maybe you should tell Y/N about it! i don’t think they mean any harm.” you could hear uraraka console him

“correct. L/N-kun does not look like the type to be unfaithful. and even if they were, that would’ve been unacceptable behavior!”

and through out the discussion on how izuku could confront you, his s/o— he speaks abruptly

“i mean.. if Y/N is happy with being physically affectionate with their friends then,, i can’t stop them.” he says sadly, but it breaks your heart knowing that you’ve caused him to sound like this

“plus, i’m sure they have a reason to be acting that way, right?” you didn’t think how your affectionate attitude would have its effects on him

so, the next time you saw your boyfriend, you had a talk with him

“hey, honey!” he’d greet you with the usual demeanor, as if he didn’t just talk about his feelings “how are you? sorry that i was a little late, i was talking with the others!”

you smile, accepting the reason (since it’s true) “izuku, can you be honest with me?”

and this statement shocks him for a bit, “oh uhm,, yeah i can! did i do something wrong?” he scoots next to you, waiting for your reply

“does me being physically affectionate towards my friends make you,, uncomfortable?” you inquire, as straightforward as you could

he’s silent for a bit, which makes you speak again “you can be honest, it’s okay. you’re not in any trouble, zuku.” you ruffle his hair softly for comfort

then, he finally answers. “uhm,, uncomfortable isn’t the word. it’s not that i don’t trust you but,,”

“yeah?”

“i don’t trust,, me.”

this statement takes you by surprise, “oh, why?”

“i don’t trust myself that i could make you happy,” he continues “with physical affection, i mean. i understand if you weren’t, i just feel like i’m not giving you enough.”

“i understand though!” izuku continues, “whenever you initiate physical affection, i can’t help but get all staggery and nervous,” he rambles

he sounds normal, sure— but he’s not looking at you, his emerald eyes set in a downcast state

you make him face you, gently grabbing a hold of his shoulders “i’m sorry, zuku.” you press a kiss on his temples

“in truth, yes. i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with my physical affection.” you confess, “i’d see that you’d go red whenever i’d initiate something,” you tease, which gives you the exact reaction you’ve wanted

“but then,, i also didn’t think about how you felt about it. i didn’t consider the possibility of you being uncomfortable with it, so i want to apologize for that.” you lean against him, taking his hand and pressing a kiss on his palm

“if you want, i could stop it. there are other ways i could show affection to my friends anyway!” you suggest, but he shakes his head, smiling

“i appreciate it, but you don’t have to.” he reassures, “if it makes you happy then i’ll be happy.”

“is there anything else?”

“just maybe uhm,,” he trails off for a second, before continuing “give me what you give them, but multiply it by 200!” he suggests, his regular self coming back to you

you laugh, leaning forward to kiss him softly, “i love you, izuku. only you. people may receive my affection, yes— but you’re the only one that deserves all of it.”

and with that, the weight on his shoulders is lifted, and he didn’t actually have anything to worry about.

todoroki shouto

despite shouto being sometimes socially ignorant, he is a very observant person when it comes to the person he likes

so the first thing he noticed was your touchy behavior, specifically towards your friends

sure, he’s had some of that physical affection— but it was like you knew him too well. so, he received it less that the others

it doesn’t mean that todoroki disliked your physical affection. during those few times, he did tend to,, not mind it at all, when he’d usually pull them off

and it doesn’t automatically mean that you didn’t like being around todoroki, it was given that he wasn’t very big on being physical

he didn’t care, again— as long as you were happy, but then there would be this tight feeling in his chest whenever you’d run off to do it to bakugou, hugging him leisurely

or even midoriya, sometimes

so, when you guys finally confess to each other— it doesn’t appear that your physical affection towards your peers came to an end

it remained the same, and while he’s the one that received your delightful words, fully devoted love, and time— he can’t help but frown whenever he sees you latch onto kaminari

or when you sit beside midoriya and count all the freckles on his cheeks— the blush on his face being hard to ignore, in your boyfriend’s eyes.

i don’t think shouto’s a jealous person— protective is one thing, and possessive? maybe that one time, he was. but jealous? maybe not.

well, it’s not like he doesn’t trust you to stay loyal and faithful, that’s a different thing. but it’s more like,, he wants for the affection you’re giving to them

needy, that’s the word

early on, (and maybe even before you got together with shouto) it’s been established that shouto wasn’t a biggest fan of physical affection, besides hand holding, and cheek kisses for now

it makes sense to you, especially hearing about his childhood, and his father’s true colors— that are far from anything heroic.

and you definitely respect what he wants— if he wants space, you’ll comply! and if he wanted more, you’ll also be willing to comply!

that’s why you’ve been keeping things just at that— the last thing you want is making shouto uncomfortable, the concept terrifies you

but,, shouto doesn’t exactly know how to tell you that he wants more, more and more— he wants all of your affection

so, what does he do? he tells you in one exact way— he tells you what’s on his mind

and quite bluntly for that matter

the both of you have been sitting in silence for a bit, no words were exchanged. however, glances were sent towards your way

his stare has a different edge to it, as if he had something in particular he wanted to say— mouth gaping open as if he were to speak, but no words come out

“shou,” you call out to him softly, “it looks like you have something to say,” you smile at him, wanting to know what was in that head of his “you can talk to me.”

a minute flies by, and he’s still silent, and you’re about to drop the topic for good— until he finally speaks up “i don’t know what i’m feeling.”

this quirks your interest, “oh, what,, are you feeling?” what he said worries you, since it kinda sounds like he was about to deliver some bad news

“i’m,, not sure myself.” he stares down at his hands “i feel weird, whenever i see you be.. touchy around the others.”

weird, huh? “what kind of weird? could you try to explain? maybe i could pinpoint what you’re feeling.”

“i feel weird, since i haven’t experienced this before,” he breathes in, before he goes on “i feel like i want more, selfishly more. i thought i would’ve been fine with receiving minimal physical affection,”

he turns to you, heterochromatic eyes staring deep into yours “but i’m not fine with it! i want more, like what you give to the others. so that’s why,, it’s weird.”

and it suddenly dawns onto you on what he’s talking about, he’s talking about you being physically affectionate towards your friends and classmates

and how he doesn’t like it.

you frown, scooting next to him “i’m sorry you feel that way, shou.” you fix a stray piece of hair that has been misplaced, hanging near his brow

“i’m glad that you were being honest, and told me,” you cautiously hold his hand, looking at him to detect any discomfort

there’s none

“yes, i’ve been careful. i don’t wish to make you feel weird— in the bad way, and most especially uncomfortable!” he nods in understanding, he adjusts the hold on your hand, choosing to place his hand on top of yours

“and i didn’t.. think about how you would’ve felt about it. i should’ve asked you about it first.” you look at him with meaning, “‘m sorry.”

his gaze softens, and he leans closer— ever than before “it’s alright, love, no need to apologize,”

“that’s just who you are, if you show gratitude and affection with being physical, then that’s okay. i just,, want more— if that’s okay with you.” you nod, laughing softly

“i’ll give you more, if that’s what you wish. i’ll give you everything you want, whatever makes you happy.” shouto presses a kiss on your temple

“so,, does that mean you’re going to.. stop?” he asks— just because he wanted to know

“oh, if you want to, then i will.”

“you don’t have to but.. maybe tone it down?” he suggests, because although the idea of your physical affection towards your friends coming to a halt, is nice he wouldn’t admit that outloud

he doesn’t want you to stop, if that’s how you show gratitude to your friends. so, toning it down’s the best option

“i will,” you smile, “only high fives, pats on the back, and quick hugs, from now on!”

the statement makes him smile, a genuine one— he’s just glad that his concerns have a resolve now. man was just really touch starved, couldn’t blame him

kaminari denki

it took a while for him to actually start being concerned

i mean— dude’s practically the same as you. have you seen him play with ojirou’s tail? he always finds himself touching someone

whether it’d be him poking bakugou’s spiky head of hair (until he’d scream at him) or him resting his elbows on kirishima— he’s always touching someone

so, he understands if you’re going to be touchy feely with others. he actually finds it quite cute when you show your endearing side to your friends with touch (without crossing boundaries of course)

so, it was okay keyword : was

until you slowly started kissing your friends on the cheek— and it erupted,, something from within

it was so casual, that he had to process what just happened— following it up with a smile, to play it off.

he feels bad for feeling iffy about it, honest! he doesn’t have a reason to distrust you, so this feels all,, wrong for him

the gesture was definitely a gradual process. it wasn’t like you just randomly started to kiss people on the cheek— and it wasn’t like you were depriving him

so this made him think harder than he has ever thought before. maybe you were getting tired of being affectionate to him only, so you moved away from that?

or maybe you were tired of HIS affection?

maybe you were giving people affection, because they deserved it, and he didn’t? if this was the case, denki can’t complain.

denki knows he’s not smart like iida, or serious like bakugou.

but even to denki, all of that is a stretch. he’s just laying out all of the possible reasons— rational or not

and before he realized it, you knew that there was something up

denki; utterly afraid of losing you, switches from super affectionate to being isolated in his room— every single day

this is his way of experimenting with your reactions

even the bakusquad didn’t know what was up so,, yeah. there must be something bothering him.

you’re given a few ideas as to why kaminari might be acting this way, and the exact idea popped into your mind

you made him insecure

and you instantly felt bad— yes, you give all of your friends cheek kisses, and you give them to your boyfriend too!

but you didn’t realize that you would’ve potentially harmed him in the process. so, you sought out to talk to him

“hey babe,” it was just in time, your boyfriend enters through your door, “i was looking everywhere for you, you won’t believe it! i would’ve evaporated if i had to endure bakugou’s screaming one more time!”

“i was looking for you too,” you smile, ushering him to sit on your bed, “listen, i want to talk to you.”

“oh,”

“don’t worry, denki. you’re not in any trouble,” you reassure, “i just want to apologize”

it’s his turn to be confused “what? why?”

“let me ask you one thing, how do you feel about me giving people affection?”

he swallows harshly, but answers truthfully “i like it a lot, babe! i do find it cute.” he smiles, but you’re not fully convinced that his statement made it’s end

“i feel like there’s more i should know.”

“i,, yeah.” he admits, and not very gracefully “it’s— ugh! i’m sorry. i know this is really out of character for me, and i’m sorry that you have to see me feeling like,,”

“you can be honest.” you remind him briefly

“—weird. look, it’s not like your love language is weird to me. i think it’s just me being a needy idiot! and it’s not like i think you’re cheating on me!” he holds his hands up in defense

“but in a way,, i didn’t expect you to do that— you’ve only started doing it recently.”

“so it made you uncomfortable?” you’re preparing for the expected answer, ready for what’s about to be said

“,, if the shoe fits.”

seeing denki in this sort of manner gave you the biggest reality check. yes, you knew that you had something to do with his recent personality change

but you didn’t realize how much it made him question himself.

“i’m sorry, once again” you apologize, “it was wrong of me to assume you were fine with it, i just thought you’d be fine with it since well,,”

“hey, it’s okay,” denki smiles, his mood slightly better “i’m touchy too, i mean,, we both show affection physically! i’m not very surprised that you thought i was fine with it.” he brushes his thumb on your cheekbone

“i mean it, denki. i didn’t realize how much it would’ve affected you. you might not realize it, but i do.”

“it’s fineeee,” he whines playfully when you’re still upset, “Y/N, you’re affectionate, which is a trait i absolutely love. if you’re physically affectionate, that fine.”

“just uhm,,” he trails off, almost awkwardly. “maybe,, don’t bless them with your,, cheek kisses? ugh! omg there was definitely a better way to say that.”

to any other person, that would’ve been awkward— like,, really. but you understood, that’s how much you know about him

“got it, they will be exclusively for you.” you kiss him on the cheek, “thanks for being honest, denki.”

at that moment, denki’s shoulders felt lighter, and he suddenly forgot about why he even felt this way. yes, you still gave people physical affection BUT

denki kaminari still wins 😎 your kisses and ultimate tokens of affection are strictly for him

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission :))

#bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha imagines #bnha x y/n #bnha fluff #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki imagines #todoroki headcanons #todoroki x y/n #izuku midoriya x gn reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya imagines #kaminari imagines #kaminari x reader #kaminari x y/n #kaminari denki x reader #todoroki fluff #kaminari fluff #midoriya fluff #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons

[hellofeanor]

Fëanorian Quenya

Hey friends! Do you like elves? Do you like the Silmarillion? Do you like Fëanor and co? And most of all, do you like spending hours thinking about minor details pertaining to made-up languages??? If so, boy do I have a treat for you! Let’s delve into the weird world of Fëanorian Quenya and explore some history and mechanics of why they talk Like That.

I’ve seen a lot of posts joking about the Fëanorian lisp, which is about as funny as a joke about a speech impediment can be. 👍 It’s important to understand, though, that this IS a joke. No, they didn’t really speak with a lisp. Yes, they did pronounce some S sounds as TH. That’s the critical disclaimer here: SOME. It’s not a blanket pronunciation. There’s a lot of background research that goes into determining which words would be pronounced with S and which would be TH, and that’s what we’re going to look at.

So if this is something you’ve come across in fandom and you’re not totally sure on the details, or if you ARE sure and just want some more in-depth info, read on.

The stuff probably everybody knows already

For anyone who’s been hanging around the Fëanorian corner of the Silm fandom for more than three minutes, there’s about a 100% chance you’ve heard of Fëanor’s penchant for retaining an archaic TH pronunciation after the majority of the Noldor went ahead and started pronouncing this sound as S instead. You may also know that this sound is represented by the letter thorn (Þ) in HoME, but since thorn doesn’t exist in modern English orthography and it’s a pain to keep typing the ALT code, I’m sticking to TH here. Anyway, all this was due to the fact that Fëanor was a huge mama’s boy, and his mom Míriel Therindë (later called Serindë, which made Fëanor want to punch walls and possibly also fellow elves) was an outlier who retained the TH after it fell out of use. Her son Fëanor, in turn, kept this up to honor her. Now, whether or not he would have bothered if this sound hadn’t literally been a critical part of her name is debatable, but that debate is outside the scope of this essay.

Fëanor continued to use the TH pronunciation until his death, and required his sons to use it as well. Finwë, however, switched over to S after the death of Míriel and before his marriage to Indis. Fëanor, reasonable and level-headed as he was, took this as a personal insult and decided that anybody who rejected TH likewise rejected him. So presumably, his loyal followers would have obeyed his totally reasonable demands not to give in to the seductive S-shift.

Why tho

Why did the Noldor decide to alter their pronunciation from TH to S? Great question. Nobody really knows. For the hell of it? IDK. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But the important thing to understand is that elves, and especially Noldor, were really committed to making sure their language sounds cool. This is why it changed so much and so comparatively quickly for an immortal population: they were actively invested in changing it. They liked inventing new words and exploring new sounds and messing around with grammar.

So at some point some influential Noldo might have been like, hey y’all, let’s stop saying TH and say S instead! And everyone (except Míriel I guess, who was known for her elegant manner of speech and didn’t want to muck that up by changing pronunciation of a whole letter) was like, whoa, capital idea my good egg. And they went with it. Previous ideas along these lines included ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying KH and say H instead’ and ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying Z and say R instead’, and those went over swimmingly. Nobody could have foreseen the problem this TH to S business would cause.

Now here’s a fun fact. There was another change to Noldorin pronunciation that happened AFTER Fëanor’s birth, that he himself was involved in. This one was all about bilabial to labiodental F. And those sure are some words, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about (I don’t blame you), BILABIAL is a more whispery sound that happens when you say F using only air passing through your pursed lips, and LABIODENTAL is when you say F with your top teeth touching your bottom lip. Going forward I’m going to use PH to represent the bilabial sound, and F for the labiodental.

So F got on the radar of the Noldor via the Teleri, who used this sound in their language. And ol’ Fëanor figured it would be awesome to incorporate it into Quenya because he thought the PH sounded too close to HW, and the two were getting confused by lazy speakers. Why did he care? Because of his dad’s name and his own, of course. If people started to get lazy in their pronunciation, we’d end up with Hwinwë and Hwëanáro, which would be terrible and stupid and unacceptable. He accused the Vanyar of leaning down that road, and he wanted to stop that kind of shift before it happened to the Noldor. How to do that? Why, by instigating a different shift from traditional Noldorin PH to Telerin F!

“Hey y’all, let’s stop saying PH and say F instead!”

“Whoa, capital idea my good egg.”

Moral of the story: Fëanor is only concerned with Quenya pronunciation insofar as it affects his own name and the names of family members he likes. He does not care whether it’s staying the same or moving to a new sound so long as it personally makes him feel good and his name sound cool. Therefore the true way to piss him off would be to call him Curuhwinwë Hwëanáro, son of Serindë.

Okay so here’s how it works

Now that history is out of the way, let’s get back to how TH was used by the Fëanorians. As I mentioned earlier, TH wasn’t a blanket pronunciation. It all depended on the original form of the word, and whether the root had a TH or an S. And some very similar-sounding words come from different roots, so this can get tricky. A great resource that’ll give you this information is Eldamo: Quenya words where the S was originally TH are marked out with the Þ (thorn) symbol in the wordlist.

Some examples:

Súlë (spirit, breath) comes from the root THŪ, which means it would be pronounced with a TH. Silma (white crystal) comes from the root SIL, so it and related words like Silmaril would be pronounced with an S. No Fëanorian would say Thilmaril. Isil (moon), however, is a similar-sounding word that comes from a different root: THIL. Olos (mass of flowers) comes from the word LOTH, but: Olos (dream) comes from the root LOS. Fëanorian pronunciation would immediately differentiate between these two words.

While Fëanorians may have retained the distinct pronunciation of TH vs S, other Noldor can still differentiate between original S and S-that-used-to-be-TH in their writing. There are specific tengwar to use depending on the word’s original form. Silmë (the one that looks like a 6) is used for original S, while súlë (or thúlë, the one that looks like an h) is used for original TH.

Which other elves used this sound in their speech?

Fandom has really latched on to this TH as a Fëanorian thing, but it wasn’t that exclusively. The TH sound was actually ubiquitous in other elven languages, and in Valinor, only the Noldor dropped it. It was still used in Telerin and in Vanyarin Quendya. The Vanyar retained the TH not because of anything to do with Míriel, but just because they were a little more conservative and their language didn’t pick up on all the changes that the Noldor made. They also noped out of the Z to R shift the Noldor initiated, opting to keep the Z around.

When Indis married Finwë, she stopped using the normal Vanyarin TH and switched over to S as a gesture of loyalty to him and his people. Finarfin, however, out of love for the Vanyar and Teleri, switched BACK to TH. I like to think about how much it would have annoyed Fëanor that his snot-nosed kid brother was speaking correctly, but for the wrong reason. Go down one more generation, and Galadriel very specifically did not use TH. But this time it was absolutely a choice made as a glaring middle finger to Fëanor.

What this means for your fanfic or whatever

The big takeaway here: you can’t just have Fëanorians replace every S with TH and call it a day.

If you’re inventing names for your Fëanorian OCs or coming up with phrases for them to say, it’s important to look into the history of all Quenya S-words you end up using to determine if they should be S or TH. If Fëanor got mad about somebody saying Serindë instead of Therindë, he’d get equally mad about somebody saying Thilmaril instead of Silmaril and assume they were mocking him. Remember: this is a dude with no chill. (On the other hand, if you WANT somebody to be mocking Fëanor, Galadriel would 100% do this because she has an equally negligible amount of chill.)

It’s also important to note that the TH isn’t a true shibboleth, since pretty much all elves EXCEPT the non-Fëanorian Noldor use it. And even the S-preferring Noldor would still be able to pronounce the TH. Those who went into exile would go on to use it commonly in Sindarin, and those who remained in Valinor would still encounter it among the Vanyar and Teleri. So if you’re writing a scene where somebody has to pronounce a TH word to prove their loyalty… yeah, everyone can pass this test. And in the opposite direction, you can’t use TH to prove somebody’s an evil Fëanorian, either. They might just be Vanyarin or something. Or, like. Really Old.

Would the sons (and followers) of Fëanor keep using TH after his death? Oh hell yeah. This is an entire family unfamiliar with the concept of not dying on hills. They will keep using it unto the ending of the world. Actually, with Sindarin becoming the common language of Middle-earth from the First Age, probably not a lot of change happened in exilic Quenya. It became a lore language: a piece of living history. It would have been preserved as it was when the original speakers left Valinor.

(And then, thousands of years later, Galadriel finally returns home to Tirion like, Long have mine eyes awaited this most blissful of sights, and ne’er hath my sprit soared with such grace, for I am returned! And all the Amanyar Noldor stare at her like, whatchu bangin on bout, eh? Because they had nothing better to do in the peace of Valinor than push Quenya to brave and frankly questionable new horizons.)

Anyway, there you go: a somewhat brief history of Fëanorian Quenya. I hope you found this informative and useful, or at the very least not boring. Obvs this is super condensed and, uh, not particularly scholarly, but I promise I know what I’m talking about. I have a university degree! (Not in anything even remotely related to what’s written above, but I hardly see how that’s relevant. It’s still a DEGREE.)

Questions? Need clarification or want more info? My asks are always open!

#feanor #silmarillion #quenya #tolkien #middle earth

[ggreactionsandscenarios]

Can you do aespa being jealous plss?

AESPA - being jealous

Karina

SFW

Too much talking about someone else would make Karina mad from jealousy.

She'll keep it to herself as long as she could though, she doesn't want to ruin the day nor make you think she doesn't trust you.

She'll try to brush it away asking you to meet your new friend that you talk so much about. "So, when do I get to meet this amazing friend of yours ?"

During the meeting her arm is not leaving its place around your waist and she takes every opportunity of physical contact with you gladly, even if it's just a brush of your fingers.

Nicknames are the key to calm Jimin down, it would reassure her about her position as your girlfriend. She's at ease now that you showed publicly that you were hers.

Luckily she doesn't hold grudges because now that she witnessed your interactions with your friend she knows there's nothing between the two of you. However try not to talk too much about them in the future, just in case.

Giselle

SFW

Giselle thinks everything can be said through the eyes and right now she didn't like the one that girl was giving you.

No such thing as shame exist in those moment for your girlfriend, she'll tell you honestly that she doesn't like the attention that was given to you.

She'll want to leave, she knows it'll only get her more upset to stay in the same room as the other girl. Her mind won't let it slid as long as she's still around she'll think about it and won't enjoy the night.

A worried hand would appear on your thigh, Giselle didn't even noticed her action it's just a protective reflex. She needs to make sure you won't get uncomfortable or even hurt if something goes wrong.

Your hands caressing hers on your tigh will be a start to ease up her worry. It'll make her breath deeply as she tries to relax and forget about the intruder. But the only thing that can really make her forget about her jealousy settles in three words, that you're the only one allowed to say.

You're not going back to this restaurant ever again though, Giselle hold grudges and not only over the girl but also over the staff who (as she says) should have noticed the unacceptable behaviour.

Winter

SFW

Touch, do not touch someone else and do not let someone else touch you. That's as simple as that if you don't want Winter to be jealous.

Anyway if she is, she'll make sure you know it. If her hostile aura isn't enough her furious gripping on your wrist will. She is possessive and proud of it.

She wants you to stop flirting immediately, there's no way she is going to tolerate any of this. Not in front of her nor never.

She'll glare at the person making sure they know they're not allow to touch you. She wouldn't hesitate to come between the two of you, breaking any physical contact, taking your hands in hers to prevent them from touching anything but her.

Nothing can calm her jealousy down once she's mad but compliments would help. And if it's not enough your only hope is to make her forget about it, find something to do or talk about and pray that it gets her attention.

Sometimes Minjeong would feel bad about her outbursts but most times she's too busy planning revenge to care about being kind.

Ningning

SFW

Ningning isn't the jealous type, she believes most people are friendly and that's it. That's the main reason why sometimes people would use it at their profit hitting on you without acknowledging her. That's when she'll snap.

There's no such thing as deny because she doesn't believe it's jealousy but simply the respect she deserves that she is finally claiming.

She'll try letting you handle it but she knows she'll probably have to step in because sadly some people just don't know how to take no for an answer.

There's no way she's going to be subtle about who she is and why they should go away now. Her loud voice calling you "baby" should be a hint but if it's not enough don't worry she has no such thing as public restraints, she's willing to kiss you right here right now.

Once it's done it's already forgotten. There's no need to calm her down, she is completely calm, she just kissed you after all, why would she be mad ?

The light grudges that she might keep would show itself through mocking faces towards the person who want to steal you from her but that's all.

Here is Aespa being jelly, hope you like it. Give feedback 😄 -Ael

#girl group #kpop girls #girlfriend #girl group reactions #aespa reactions #aespa winter #aespa karina #aespa #aespa ningning #aespa giselle #aespa kpop #karina #winter #giselle #ningning #jimin aespa #aespa jimin #aespa minjeong #kim minjeong #yu jimin #aeri aespa #aeri uchinaga #ning yizhuo

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

hear those bells ring deep in the soul (a katsuki bakugo/reader fic)

Summary: Pro Hero Dynamight was Japan’s Number Two Hero. He'd worked hard to achieve his position, his fame. And now it was all going down the damn drain, along with his hearing.

~*~*

Bakugo is suffering from hearing loss as a side effect of his quirk, and he struggles with how to face this new challenge. Enter Reader with a healing quirk.

Pairings: Katsuki Bakugo/Reader; Katsuki Bakugo/You

Rating: M(ature)

Warnings: Blood & violence. 

A/N: No spoilers or anything. This is just a self-indulgent AU fic with aged up characters. Everyone’s in their mid-20s. Fic title is from a song called “Achilles Come Down.” 

Ao3 Link: Here 

*****A/N Part 2: This post has now been updated to include the links to Ch 2

Ch 2 Tumblr Link: Here 

Pro Hero Dynamight was Japan’s Number Two Hero. Actually, he’d argue he was tied for first place with the current Symbol of Peace, Shitty Deku. Their victory statistics were basically the fucking same, the only difference was the freckled idiot was made of smiles and sunshine and stupid fucking sugar or something. The whole world ate out of his scarred, fucked up hand, and Darling Deku ate up all the media’s attention in return. 

In contrast, Bakugo wasn’t a “people person,” as Deku loved to put it, but… he also wasn’t the same fifteen-year-old brat who got muzzled on live national television. Pro Hero Dynamight was known for his crass, blunt language, his vicious streak of justice when it came to villains, but people also looked up to him. Extras cheered for him in the streets as he exploded past mid-battle. Children ran up to him on patrol and asked him to sign their books, their photos, their Dynamight merch. On one memorable occasion, that he may or may not have saved on his computer, a national news channel ran a live clip from a disaster site, a villain attack turned rescue mission after a building collapsed. The soundbite was only thirty seconds, a close up of a pale, dusty woman with a shallow cut on her brow. The splash of crimson and her bloodshot blue eyes were the only spots of color on her, everything else washed out in white plaster and cement dust, tear tracks carving grooves down her cheeks. 

But the smile on her face could have lit up goddamn Tokyo. 

“Dynamight saved us,” the woman had said to the news reporter, her voice full of awe and tears. “I-I got stuck under some debris, but I heard the moment Dynamight arrived, and I just knew we were safe. The battle was over a minute later, and then he just… pulled me out of the wreckage. He pulled us all out. He’s… the greatest hero I’ve ever seen.” 

That was a nice stroke to his ego. And the dazed woman had been right. He had pulled everyone out of that building, and not a single person died that day, which only confirmed what he already knew: 

Katsuki Bakugo was the best of the best. Deku might have been the better show pony, but Dynamight was an undefeated hero, fierce, fearless, ferocious. 

Except right now… he was fucking scared out of his mind. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

“What?” he snarled at the extra in the white coat standing before him. 

The man flinched and visibly recoiled, shuffling back a step and partially ducking behind his tablet device. When he spoke again, he’d raised his voice an entire fucking octave. 

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” the doctor stammered, but then he seemed to regain his composure and lowered his voice a little. “I… I wish I had better news for you, Dynamight, but…” 

He trailed off and swallowed, the jut of his Adam’s apple bobbing beneath the thin skin of his throat. 

“But what?” Bakugo spat, something like magma roiling in his veins, pops of heat crackling against his palms like splatters of hot oil from a stove. 

“B-But this… can’t come as a complete shock to you,” the doctor said as he glanced back at his tablet. “Other physicians before myself must have warned you of the risks.” 

The risks. Bakugo bared his teeth in a silent snarl. What did this fucking extra, with his soft hands and softer body, know about risks? The heat in his palms grew until he could see their red-hot glow out of the corner of his eye. 

“Well, who and how much do I gotta pay to fix it?” Bakugo demanded as he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“That depends,” the doctor hedged and adjusted the square black glasses perched on his stupid face. “There are a variety of aid types—” 

“I don’t want fuckin’ support gear or aids,” Bakugo sneered. “I want mine fixed.” 

Now, the doctor’s face grew pitying. “I’m afraid that’s just not possible, given a number of factors, most importantly your current occupation.” 

“My current occupation?” the hero seethed, teeth bared again like a wounded dog, a cornered wolf, snapping at the world. “Are you fucking KIDDING—” 

A hint of fear sparked in the doctor’s eyes, but he suddenly raised a hand, palm out in the universal symbol for stop. “Dynamight, sir, I know this is distressing, but there are other sick patients in these walls, so please refrain from using your quirk.” 

“I’m not usin’ shit,” Bakugo snapped, but then the doctor’s eyes flicked downward, and Bakugo followed them to his hands, wreathed in sparks and flares of flames, lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. 

The breath stuttered in Bakugo’s lungs. 

He hadn’t even felt himself call upon his quirk. 

Even worse… he hadn’t heard it when he did. 

He dropped his hands quickly, shoving them back in his pockets. Bile rose in his throat, but he washed it down with blood as he bit through his tongue. 

“There has to be… something,” he gritted out, curling his hands into fists in their confines. “A healer—” 

“Healers are rarer than you think,” the doctor sighed and shook his head. “And what’s more, they’re usually specific and limited. Their abilities are tied to blood types or restricted to relatives or even limbs. One nurse here can only heal femur bones.” 

“Bullshit they’re rare, I’ve met at least two goddamn healers just this month,” Bakugo spat. “These paramedics—” 

“And how strong where they?” the doctor cut him off again, raising an eyebrow. “You said paramedics, so I’m going to assume their talents mostly lie in the superficial and basic: triage, stopping the bleeding, knitting skin back together, etc.” 

“What’s your fucking point?” He was this close to punching the asshole right in the glasses. 

“My point is the inner workings of your ear are much more delicate than a broken rib or lacerated arm,” the doctor said in a really condescending tone that Bakugo did not appreciate. “But let’s say you do find a healer specific enough and skilled enough to restore the hearing you have already lost without damaging anything else in the process. What then? I don’t imagine Japan’s Number Two Hero retiring less than ten years after his debut and hanging up his quirk.” 

Bakugo scowled, heart kick-starting in his chest, his gut tying itself in a knot. 

No. No, that wasn’t possible. Katsuki Bakugo was a hero, the best of the best. It was all he’d ever wanted, and he would be damned if it was taken from him. 

The doctor must have seen as much on the blond’s face because he sighed and adjusted his glasses again. “Exactly. Which means you’re just going to keep destroying your ears again and again, and even if say Recovery Girl was still alive, the repetitive healing sessions would destroy your own body’s healing factor, and after a while, you would still lose you’re hearing.” 

“Tch.” Bakugo looked away and gritted his teeth so hard they ached. 

The doctor sighed. “You’re already at moderate hearing loss, Dynamight, so while we do still have some options, they are limited. Honestly… I’m surprised you didn’t come in sooner.” 

He should have. He fucking should have. He’d been noticing little things for years, but he just brushed it off, yelled at Deku to speak the fuck up and stop mumbling, told himself his phone must be a piece of shit and that’s why he didn’t hear a call or message. The low persistent ringing he’d been experiencing since UA was harder to write off, but after a while, it was also easier to ignore. 

Then, on his last mission, Bakugo was shoving some weak ass villain at a couple of cops. The battle had lasted less than five minutes, and he was still itching for a fight, his quirk burning just beneath the surface of his skin, like embers waiting to explode back into flame. In the next moment, a hand had suddenly clamped down on his shoulder from behind, and he’d reacted out of reflex, flipping his attacker over his shoulder and nearly blasting them in the gut for good measure. 

“Whoa! Fuck, dude, it’s me!” Kirishima had yelped, his skin rippling and hardening in an instant. Wide, red eyes gaped up at him, and Japan’s Number Three Hero even looked a little worried. “Didn’t you hear me? I called your name like five times.” 

Bakugo had dropped Red Riot like he was on fire. No. No, Dynamight hadn’t heard his patrol partner. In fact, all he could hear in the moment was the muted wailing of sirens, the low murmur of shouting extras, and the blood roaring in his head. 

Now, two days later he was standing in front of a doctor who was telling him there was nothing more they could do. 

But that was fucking unacceptable. He couldn’t lose his hearing. What kind of shitty hero would he be if he couldn’t hear where the villains were in battle or where stupid extras in need of saving were in rescue situations? 

He wouldn’t be a hero at all, just a fucking liability. 

Bakugo tried to imagine having to retire, to hang up his hero costume, to leave Shitty Hair in charge of their joint agency. What would he do? He’d wanted, and planned, to be a hero since he was five years old. He had no other skills, not really. It wasn’t like he could work a damn desk job. Well, UA might throw him a bone, offer him a pity faculty position. 

The thought left a sour taste in his mouth. 

“What… are my options?” he asked haltingly as he snapped his eyes up and locked gazes with the doctor. “You said I still had some.” 

The man in the white coat blinked in surprise, but then he straightened up and tapped at his tablet. “Currently, you have a few options, but you’d receive the best outcome if we did them all together. First, we can get you fitted for some hearing aids for you to wear while you are off duty. They would significantly increase your hearing capacity in your normal day-to-day life.” 

Bakugo felt his face pull into a scowl. “Off duty? I need them while I’m on duty!” 

“If you wear them while using your quirk, you’ll ruin the rest of your hearing in one blow,” the doctor said with a straight face. “Hearing aids amplify sounds. Amplifying your explosions is the last thing we want.” 

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do then?” the hero snapped, heat flaring through his body with a supernova. 

“Since I assume you’re going to continue your hero work, I would recommend contacting a support gear company.” The doctor made a note on his tablet. “We’ll email you the contact information for several companies the hospital has connections with, and once you chose one, we can send them your file. There are numerous noise-cancelling devices out there, but given your situation, you will probably need to collaborate with them for something custom. The goal is to having something to protect your ears-- a helmet, headphones, anything really—while you are using your quirk. Between such a device and the hearing aids, I hope we can preserve what’s left of your hearing and maybe give you a little bit back. But I will warn you… you’re hearing will never be as it was. You should know that now.” 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

The words cycloned through Bakugo’s head, round and round and round, destroying every other thought in their path. He felt detached from himself, the doctor’s voice fizzling out into a muffled drone. His vision seemed to narrow and darken, like he was viewing the world at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. One minute, he was standing there in that examine room, and then he blinked and was on the street, people rushing past him like a river unbothered by the boulder in its current. 

He glanced down at his hand, at the paperwork for his follow up appointment and his fitting for the hearing aids. Heat squirmed under his skin, in his veins, like something living, something that wanted to get out. 

Bakugo bared his teeth, crumpled the paper in his fist, and let the heat rush through his body, down through his arm, and into his hand. He didn’t hear the crackle, but he saw the flares of light, trapped between his palm and the paperwork like fireflies. 

Then he opened his hand, and he watched the wind catch the ash and carry if off down the street, out of sight. 

He needed a fucking drink. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Several hours later, Bakugo stumbled out of his usual dive bar, the taste of whisky still burning a hole through the back of his throat. The night was colder than he anticipated, colder than it should be for the beginning of autumn, and he grumbled and cursed as he hunched against the wind. He squinted at his phone, debating on whether to call a car, but in the end it was too much trouble. He was less than a half an hour’s walk from his apartment, and it was late, so he wouldn’t have to worry about extras coming up to him for photos or goddamn autographs. 

Besides, the whisky hadn’t helped to quench the heat writhing through his veins, in fact the alcohol only made it worse. Bakugo felt restless, all pins and needles and ants, so maybe the brisk walk would burn off some of that energy. 

Decided, Bakugo turned in the direction of home and began the long, stumbling journey through the midnight streets. 

Time passed as sluggishly as his feet, which he made sure to stare down at so he didn’t trip over them. Like he anticipated, he passed no one on the sidewalks, and few cars rumbled past him. It wasn’t surprising, this neighborhood was mostly shops that closed by sundown and a few residences. The dive bar he’d left was a holdover from past decades when this side of town was rougher, but Bakugo suspected the old man who owned the joint would live on for at least another decade, if only to spite the development companies that kept trying to buy him out. The ornery bastard was half the reason Bakugo loved that bar, the other half being their decent whisky and usually empty stools. 

“Shit,” he mumbled as he suddenly slipped, tittering on the edge of the curb. 

He shook his head and managed to regain his balance, but when he took another step, he wobbled again. 

“Come on, you drunk idiot,” he hissed at himself as he stumbled once more. 

Except… he’d been standing still that time. 

“Hah?” Bakugo squinted down at his feet. 

The pebbles around his shoes rattled and jumped. He didn’t think he was that drunk, but he slapped his cheek with a bit of heat to his palm. The snap of warmth and pain woke him up a little, but when he glanced back down at the ground, everything was still moving. 

“What the fu—” 

Then the road undulated under his feet like a living thing, and the shockwave hit him a moment later. 

Bakugo barked a curse as he was bucked several feet into the air, twin explosions blooming from his palms so he could right himself and land on his feet. He snapped his head up as he skidded to a stop, and the breath stilled in his lungs. 

Up ahead, a man stood in the middle of the intersection, staring down the road to Bakugo’s left. Black rubble and goo floated around him like asteroids trapped in a planet’s orbit, and even from a distance, Bakugo could see the crazed smile on the man’s pale, black-streaked face. 

A moment later, several heroes lunged out from around the corner and barreled straight for the villain, only to be blasted backwards as the villain flung out his hands and commanded the black debris and goo to slam into the idiots. 

The villain threw back his head and seemed to laugh maniacally. Bakugo couldn’t hear it, but that didn’t matter. Lava was starting to boil in his veins, burning off the last of the whisky, and Dynamight felt an equally crazed smile stretch across his mouth. 

This idiot had chosen the wrong road to fuck up tonight. 

Heat condensed in his palms like collapsing stars, and then he was exploding forward, the taste of ozone and nitroglycerin on his tongue. 

Within moments, Bakugo was able to determine the villain’s quirk revolved around asphalt. The bastard was able to pull large chunks of it out of the road and then liquify parts of them until they were scalding and sticky. 

The other heroes—whoever they were, Bakugo didn’t even care to check—struggled to evade the villain’s attacks, but evasion wasn’t Dynamight’s style. He came at the bastard head on, exploding every rock and tar puddle in his way. 

Of course, asphalt was flammable, so flames were flaring up all around the street now, but Bakugo wasn’t stupid enough to get burned. If the other heroes were, that was on them. 

Dynamight was here to get the job done. 

“Come here, ya sonvabitch,” Bakugo snarled as he blasted apart a chunk of asphalt aimed for his head. 

The villain shrieked out something high-pitched that Bakugo didn’t catch, and then the fucker was swinging out his arm, a blob of black tar following the arc. 

Bakugo let out a controlled burst toward his feet and backflipped through the air, crunching down on the roof of a parked car. He could see some of the other heroes waving at him from the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying over the wailing of the car alarm below him. 

The villain’s sneer was a white slash on his black, goo-streaked face, and Bakugo bared his teeth back in an expression halfway between a feral grin and a beast’s snarl. He could feel the heat crackling along his palms as he contemplated his next move, but then the villain shouted something, and all the asphalt floating in the air rocketed back towards him like the fucker was a magnet. 

As Bakugo watched, the debris and goo coalesced into a singular shape, liquifying and hardening in turns until a giant black arm the size of a semi was hovering over the road. The fingers wiggled in a jaunty little wave as the villain shouted something again that was lost to the car’s still wailing alarm, and then the giant hand curled into a fist and dropped down on Bakugo like the hammer of some god. 

He exploded out of the way and up into the air right before the fist smashed into the car he’d been standing on, and the siren cut out with a muffled crunch. 

Bakugo had barely landed before the arm was shooting out again, but this time it wasn’t aimed for him. 

A stupid fucking extra had stumbled out of one of the buildings and stood gaping like a goddamn moron on the sidewalk. Several of the on-scene heroes rushed forward, but the hand swatted them aside like annoying flies. The idiot civilian was still just standing there, though, and Bakugo found himself airborne before he could even process the thought. 

“Run!” he roared as he reached the extra and shoved him out of the way, but an instant later, he felt stony fingers wrap around his torso and squeeze. 

Bakugo wheezed out a curse as the giant hand lifted him into the sky, the pressure around his ribs increasing with every second. The asphalt was hot in some places, too, scalding the skin of his left arm where it was pinned against his hip. He wrenched his right arm around and tried to aim at the wrist of the asphalt appendage, but the angle was off, and the few chunks he was able to blast were quickly replaced by more rubble and boiling tar. 

“Fuck!” Bakugo screamed as the fist clenched down around him. His ribs strained, his lungs unable to expand, pain licking at him like the flames flickering in his peripherals. 

Distantly, he heard the villain’s laughter below him, and as the arm swayed to the side, Bakugo realized he was right above the bastard. His vision swam, his ribs screaming, his arm burning, but Bakugo gritted his teeth as he aimed his right palm down. He concentrated every ounce of his quirk into his hand until it glowed white-hot, and the asphalt around him began to liquefy again. 

The villain’s eyes widened as he realized what the hero was doing, and the fucker wildly swung out his arm in a last-ditch effort. The giant asphalt limb responded in kind, but Bakugo unleashed his quirk right before the arm flung him through the air. 

A massive explosion rocked the street an instant later, and the subsequent shockwave slammed into his back and propelled him through a window. 

He felt the impact and pain as he struck the glass, and then… 

Nothing. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ouch, fuck!” you cursed as your pricked yourself for the millionth time. 

A red drop of blood beaded up on the pad of your index finger, and you scowled before you sucked the smarting appendage into your mouth. It was more of a reflex than anything, since by the time you pulled your finger out, the pinprick of a wound was already healed. Healing such a small injury would usually barely even register to you, but the clock above your desk was inching closer and closer to midnight, and you’d been up since 6am. You also skipped dinner so you could finish altering the dress you were currently working on, which didn’t help your energy levels, but you were just a few stitches away from completing your task, so you hunched back over and powered through the next five minutes. 

When you were finally done, you sat back in your chair with a sigh and threw down your needle and thread. The sewing table before you swam and doubled as your vision struggled to focus on something, and you rubbed at your tired, burning eyes. You always tried to work reasonable hours, have a healthy work-life balance, but somehow you always found yourself slaving away into the dark hours of the night. You tried to tell yourself it wasn’t your fault. You’d lived here less than a year, so you didn’t know many people beyond your few neighbors and the old ladies who frequented your alterations shop. 

You were also trying very hard to keep your grandparents’ business afloat. 

Your grandfather had been a tailor, your grandmother a seamstress. They’d opened a shop together over fifty years ago, and if your parents hadn’t moved to America before you were born, you were sure you father would have taken over the family business. In the end, though, after your grandparents passed, you were the one to take up the needle and pull up your roots. You’d always loved making your own clothes, and you’d always felt… disconnected in America. Nothing had ever felt… right, no matter how many jobs you hopped around to. The US had been the only home you’d ever known, but when you and your parents spoke Japanese together, it had made something ache deep in the center of you, something you couldn’t name or place. 

So, when your father said he was taking a trip to the homeland to sell his parents’ shop, you’d gone with him and somehow convinced him to sign everything over to you. Which was more than just a little insane. Your prior work history had been in food service and clothing retail, and your degree was in linguistics for fuck’s sake. You had no idea how to run a business, let alone in another country. Thankfully, you spoke Japanese fluently, so that had been one less hurtle to overcome, but everything else had been a dramatic learning curve. Getting to know the new city, figuring out the currency, hell even navigating the vastly different social norms of Japanese culture was daunting, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t have numerous fumbles along the way.��

It, everything, had definitely taken some getting used to. 

Now, a year later, things were just starting to really look up. You had used most of the money your grandparents left you to renovate the shop, get new equipment, and fix the upstairs apartment you lived in. About two dozen loyal customers helped to pay your bills and keep you afloat, and one-to-two new customers walked into your shop each month just on word of mouth. You weren’t rich by any means, but you weren’t struggling like you did in America. You felt… happy here, if a little tired. Fulfilled. 

That might also have had something to do with your little… side business. 

You bit your lip as your eyes shot to your window guiltily, like someone was watching you. You weren’t doing anything wrong—right now, anyways—but for the last six months, it’s been hard to shake off your paranoia. 

And your guilt. Which was ridiculous. You weren’t hurting anyone. In fact, you were doing the exact opposite. 

But it was still against the law. Here in Japan, at least. 

That was another thing that took some getting used to. The Japanese government had strict laws on quirk usage, unlike in America where everything was about individualistic rights. In Japan, only heroes were given almost free reign, but even they had some restrictions on when and how they could use their powers. 

For the rest of the Japanese populace, using quirks in day-to-day life, without official permission, was frowned upon at best and illegal at worst. 

Because of your specific quirk, you leaned more toward the illegal side of things. 

Healing quirks were rare. That’s what you’d been told all your life. Your mother’s quirk was the ability to lower fevers by somehow using her own body to regulate the temperature. Nothing super special or powerful, but she’d gone on to become a pediatric nurse, so she had used her quirk to its fullest and made a long, happy career for herself. 

When you were young and your quirk manifested, you thought you would follow in your mother’s footsteps. 

But as a teenager, you’d come to some hard realizations about yourself. 

One, you weren’t strong enough to be a hero. You’d tried to get into a hero course in the States, several in fact. One course rejected you solely on your application, and then you failed two entrance exams. It had been a devastating blow to your youthful dreams and self-esteem, but your mother encouraged you, said being a hero wasn’t the only way to use your quirk for good. 

So, you turned your focus to medicine… and quickly discovered that wasn’t right for you, either. Your mother hated when you said this but… you just weren’t smart enough. You had tried, really did, but everything was such a struggle, like Sisyphus slogging uphill through the mud. It just didn’t click for you like it did for your mom. You also hated to admit it, but you were a little squeamish. You were fine with small stuff, cuts and bruises, broken fingers, but once you had to dissect a large pig in an anatomy class, and the smell and weight of the pig’s slippery organs in your hands made your lunch rise up into the back of your throat. You somehow managed to make it through the class, but directly after you ran to the bathroom and emptied your own guts into the toilet. 

With your dreams of being a hero and doctor dashed, you’d been a little aimless in college, taking random courses to fill your time and see if anything spoke to you. Then, during an 8am linguistics lecture you signed up for on a whim, something ignited inside you. Languages spoke to you like science and medicine never did. So, you’d changed your major to linguistics, minored in Japanese to feel closer to your parents, and took ever other language credit you could get your hands on. In between classes, you’d taken up sewing again while you listened to your audio assignments. It was just something to keep your hands busy at first, a skill your father taught you as a child until you abandoned it, but then your roommates complimented your work and started asking you to hem their jeans or take in their skirts. They offered to pay you, but you always declined, saying it was no trouble, you liked the work, and you liked being able to help. 

At some point, you realized that was all you had ever wanted to do. Help people. And if you couldn’t save them as a hero, you would find some other way to make yourself useful. 

So, you studied languages in the hopes of being able to help others communicate. You altered your friends’ clothes and made them small things like a monogrammed scarf or mittens. And, occasionally, you healed your roommates’ hangovers or food poisoning, stopped the bleeding when they cut their fingers making dinner, pushing through their pain to make them whole again. It wasn’t a lot, nothing really, but it was something, and it made you feel purposeful. 

When you moved to Japan, you mourned the loss of being able to use your quirk on others, but you shoved the thought aside and focused on your work and the shop and figuring out how to settle down in your first home on your own. 

Then, six months after you took over the shop, Mrs. Kojima, a little old lady in her seventies, had brought in her grandchildren’s uniforms to be patched and altered. She’d known your grandparents for many years, so she was always kind and had a story to share with you about your father in his youth or the gorgeous dresses your grandmother used to make. You always looked forward to Mrs. Kojima’s visits, and she always had a way of making you feel younger than you were, but not in a bad way. She just made you feel… nostalgic and safe, like you were listening to your late grandma talk over the phone. 

This was probably why, when Mrs. Kojima slipped and fell in front of your counter, you reacted without thinking. The old lady barely had time to hit the floor and cry out before you were hovering over her, a green aura illuminating your hands. Her pain hit you a moment later, like a heated slap to the face, a bone-deep ache in your leg, but you gritted your teeth and pushed through the discomfort. Then you moved your fingers over to the hip Mrs. Kojima was clutching, and a moment later you felt the drain as your energy siphoned into the elderly woman’s body. Thankfully, it had only been a fracture, not a full break, so you barely even felt the difference in your strength, but as Mrs. Kojima gaped up at you, realization struck you like a freight train. 

You had used your quirk, without a license, without permission, hell without the consent of Mrs. Kojima. Healing quirks were illegal for a reason, so many things could go wrong, and you weren’t properly trained. Your breathing hitched as panic seized your heart, squeezing like a vise, and your entire world had just begun to crash down around your ears when Mrs. Kojima sat up and threw her arms around you. 

“Thank you,” she’d sniffled into your hair in Japanese. “Thank you so much.” 

After the initial shock wore off, you had helped Mrs. Kojima into a chair, and she’d continued to thank you over and over again, saying how money was tight and she would have hated to be a burden to her children with hospital bills and a long recovery. She talked about how a lot of her elderly friends were in similar positions, dealing with perpetual aches and pains but having no way to pay for treatment or seek relief. 

The sadness in her face had twisted something in your chest, an ache you were all too familiar with. It was the one you felt after you failed the hero course entrance exams. The ache you felt when you realized you could never be a doctor. The ache of being helpless in the face of suffering. 

Your mouth had opened without your permission, and you told Mrs. Kojima that you would help her, and her friends, whenever they needed it. The elderly Japanese woman tried to wave you off, saying she didn’t want to get you in any trouble, but you had just smiled and said, “I’m fine with making a little good trouble.” 

You didn’t know where your courage had come from, but you let it carry you past your fears and doubts. 

So, for the last six months, Mrs. Kojima had brought all of her friends, and sometimes their children and grandchildren, to you when they were in need of healing. They always brought dresses or pants or blouses for you to fix as a cover, and you did do alterations work for them, but you also eased flaring arthritis, cataracts, fevers, and scrapped knees in the backroom. You refused to take payment for these secret services, it just felt wrong, but the little old ladies somehow always snuck large “tips” into your register when you weren’t looking. 

Mrs. Kojima and every one of her friends and family members swore to their ancestors to keep your secret, and you trusted them, but you still couldn’t help proverbially looking over your shoulder, holding your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the police to barge in and take you away. 

It hadn’t happened yet, but the worry of it kept you up most nights, which was maybe another reason why you threw yourself into your work until you were so tired you just passed out. 

You sighed again as you stretched and felt your back pop, releasing some of the tension in your spine. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was just past midnight, and you winced. You had to be up at five tomorrow—today, now—because Mr. Akane wanted to come in early before you opened the shop. His bad knee was giving him trouble again, an old injury he’d obtained as a boy. You were unable to fully reconstruct the joint—that took more strength and stamina than you currently possessed—but you were able to soothe his pain for weeks at a time, which he was immensely grateful for. He always brought you fresh fish when he came by, “gifts” he’d emphasized when you reminded him you didn’t take payment, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t appreciate the gesture. You weren’t exactly hurting for money, but you also didn’t normally splurge on fish caught just that morning, and you told yourself you deserved the small treat. Besides, the protein helped boost your energy and stamina levels, which meant you could heal more people, so really Mr. Akane was merely investing in his future treatments. 

Your stomach grumbled at the thought of food, and you dragged yourself out of your chair before picking your way across your messy apartment to the kitchen. The apartment wasn’t very large, one large space for kitchen, dining, and living room, with one small bedroom and one bathroom down a hallway to the right when you walked in the front door. But it had been your grandparent’s home for many years before they bought a larger house after having your father, and it sat right above the shop, so you never had to worry about running late for work.

Bolts of fabric, some client pieces, and a few of your own personal sewing projects were strewn over every available surface of the main room, but you had the cleared path through the chaos memorized, so you were tossing leftovers in the microwave barely thirty seconds later. The warmed-up curry and rice—another “gift” from Mrs. Kojima—tasted as good as it had the last several days, and you hummed as the spiced meat slid down your throat and settled in your belly. After the first bite, your hunger seemed to hit you in full force, and you scarfed down every last bite in a matter of minutes. When you were done, the minor headache that had been pulsing behind your eyes abated, and you yawned as you rinsed off the dishes. 

You set the damp plate on the edge of the counter as you reached for a towel, but then a sudden tremor, followed by a loud boom, seemed to shake the building, and the plate tittered on the counter’s edge for a moment before it crashed to the floor. 

“Fuck!” you gasped as you jumped back and away from the ceramic shards, but another tremor-boom combo had you stumbling, and you scrambled to grab the back of the couch so you didn’t fall on your ass. 

Your wide eyes took in the broken plate scattered at your feet before they jumped to the window on the opposite side of the room. The night sky was dark beyond, cut only by the dim street light just beyond the window’s view. You held your breath as your heart hammered in your ears, the hair on the back of your neck prickling, sweat slicking your palms. 

What the fuck was that? Your first thought was earthquake—you hadn’t experienced one yet, but you knew they were common in Japan—but then you remembered the booms. 

Maybe… maybe an electrical box blew? But no, the lights were still working. A car crash? 

Then another boom vibrated you down to your very bones, and you fell to one knee as the breath hitched in your lungs. 

That sounded… closer. 

With your heart in your throat, you half scrambled, half crawled the last few feet to your window, and you peeked your head over the sill just as a flash off white-hot light lit up the night sky. 

“Shit!” You squinted your eyes against the glare as you leaned back from the window, but then you saw a shadow streak through the air before it crashed into a car just at the edge of your peripherals. 

You had the distant thought that Mr. Takeyoshi’s vehicle was very obviously totaled before you realized the thing that had crashed into the car was a person. 

Your jaw gaped open as a hero pulled himself from the wreckage and shook his head groggily. The shadows—only broken by more flares of light as more explosions and fire seemed to erupt along the street—made it difficult to tell how injured the hero was. You didn’t recognize their yellow and teal costume, but you saw patches of blood along the hero’s bulky frame, and bile burned at the back of your teeth. 

Holy shit. This wasn’t an accident. It was a villain attack. 

Just as you had the thought, another explosion rattled your windows, making your ears ring, and you snapped your head to the side to see a man standing in the middle of the road about half a block down. 

The man—villain, you realized quickly—swung his arms around like a conductor of an orchestra, but his instruments seemed to be the black rocks and liquid swirling around him. The debris glistened like an oil slick in the light of the flames, and as you watched, the villain shouted something and slashed his arm through the air. 

Then a figure suddenly exploded onto the scene, lunging out from the shadows in a flare of white-hot light. It moved too fast for you to track, but the villain swung his arm again, and rocks and viscous black goo shot toward the figure still in mid-air. 

A futile scream of warning caught in your throat, but then the figure seemed to explode and backflip through the air, landing on his feet but crushing the roof of a car beneath his boots. The wailing of the car’s alarm split the air, and you clenched your teeth until they ached. 

The flames illuminated this new man’s face, a snarl of white teeth against the flames and smoke, but only the barest hint of recognition flared through you before everything exploded into chaos again. Another shout from the villain had all the rocks and black slime streaking back towards him, and you watched in horror as a stony black arm fifty feet long formed above the ruined street. 

You knew you should be running, trying to find cover, calling the police, but you were glued there, on your knees before the window, you fingers digging grooves into the sill. 

The next fifteen seconds seemed to simultaneously happen in slow motion and at hyper speed. 

The giant rocky hand wiggled its fingers before it curled into a fist and slammed down on the wailing car and the man atop it. 

The man—hero, you distantly thought, although your chaotic thoughts still couldn’t place him—launched up into the air with another explosion that rattled your windows, the car alarm cutting off as the vehicle was crushed an instant later. 

The blond skidded into a landing half a dozen yards away, but then you suddenly saw Mr. Takeyoshi standing on the street, a ghostly apparition framed by smoke and flames. 

You blinked, and the giant hand shot toward Mr. Takeyoshi, batting away several more heroes who tried to intervene. 

Then the explosive hero was just there, pushing Mr. Takeyoshi out of the way, right before the hand wrapped around him. 

You could hear the hero’s anguished scream through your window as he was crushed in the fist’s grip, and the sound hit you right in the solar plexus, knocking the breath out of you, bruising your insides, the pain settling into the familiar ache of being helpless in the face of suffering. 

You watched uselessly as the hero was lifted up into the sky, struggling, setting off explosions left and right. Then the massive arm seemed to pause in the middle of the road, right above the villain, and your eyes locked onto the hero, his pale hair and skin stark against the black, rocky hand that held him trapped. 

In the next instant, a white light, like a star going supernova, bloomed to life around the hero, illuminating the white slash of his snarling teeth before it became too bright for you to take. You slammed your eyes shut against the burning light, and the hair on the back of your neck stood on end, like the moment before lightning struck, as you dropped to the floor below your window. 

Then the world exploded, the building shaking to its foundations, right before the window burst into a million shards of glass.

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