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mystery-moose · 1 year

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BOOKS: The Three-Body Problem!

Sometimes I read books! This time I read The Three-Body Problem, by Cixin Liu!

This was an odd read! As a whole? I think this is a wildly interesting science fiction novel to unpack, and I’m excited to read the sequels!

As a single novel, with prose and dialogue and what-all? Eh! It’s kinda stiff and really expository (and I’m accounting for the translation here!) plus some characters get lost or go entirely unmentioned after a certain point, and there’s worldbuilding stuff that raises more questions than answers. It kinda feels like it suffers from problems of serialized fiction, in some ways, which makes sense since that’s how it was initially published. It introduces threads and characters and then quickly drops them when it doesn’t need them, or throws out a concept just to use it as a plot device and for nothing else.

That being said? Yo this novel’s got some STUFF to SAY, and that counts for a LOT.

(I liked it and would recommend it! If you want to read more detailed thoughts, hey, spoilers, wow!)

The opening is maybe my favorite part, or the part I feel is the strongest. We’re thrust into this depiction of the Cultural Revolution in China in the ‘60s, and we see and feel the trauma that this causes through the eyes of our protagonist, Ye Wenjie. It’s bloody and ugly and, more than anything, stupid! The depiction of the infighting between various Red Guard factions, the way they cling to ideology over reason or rationality or even basic sense, the way the young are driven to murder and madness in the name of some greater cause, echoes throughout the rest of the novel in some really fundamental ways.

But once we get past that opening and meet our other point of view character, Wang Miao, the story kind of loses momentum and the prose takes a bit of a hit. I give some significant leeway for translation, of course, but the sort of dialogue and conversations that Wang Miao has are often stiff and expository, and the transitions between scenes or chapters the same way. Sometimes I lost track of what time of day it was, or what day of the week it was, or how much time had passed in just a single paragraph. This made reading through the second act of the book, at least the non-flashback sections, a bit of a chore.

There are interesting threads to follow at least — the mystery of the countdown that appears only for Wang, the cold war that the world governments are starting to fight against the ETO, the nature of the ETO itself, why this other society of scientists wants him to halt his nanomaterial research… there’s a lot of cool mysteries to wonder about, and those hooked me to keep reading even through the occasional stilted conversation about some scientific concept or another.

The virtual reality game and v-suits and such were a sudden leap I had to simply accept to proceed, but their introduction felt kind of wild! I understand both textually and thematically why they exist — the concept of a virtual reality, one that can be authored and controlled and show only what it wants to show, is in conversation with the rest of the authorities in the novel attempting to control and manipulate information for their own goals. It also gives us a window into the history of Trisolaris, as it’s eventually revealed that we’re being shown an abridged form of their development. That being said… I dunno, anytime you just throw haptic-feedback full-dive VR suits into your setting, I immediately have a million questions! I guess it does more good than harm to the narrative, but it is maybe one too many flavors in the broth, metaphorically speaking.

Not every concept is awkward inserted, though. I appreciated learning how Ye Wenjie learned how to send a signal that could be heard by interstellar civilizations, and how she managed to do it basically under the nose of her command. I appreciated how there were political considerations to this as well — the symbolism of shooting a signal at the sun, when the sun is often used to represent Mao and socialism. Even after the Cultural Revolution had “ended,” there were still political considerations and aftereffects that lingered and caused needless complications.

Speaking of complications, the ETO! I loved how that organization broke down into factions, one devoted to mankind’s extinction and the other out to “redeem” mankind by saving the Trisolaran people, objects of their worship. I loved how you could understand, solely through the text of the novel and the events depicted, why people would give up on humanity as a whole, why they would become disillusioned both with capitalism and Maoist socialism, and why they would yearn for an outside force to save/destroy them. And I loved the nature of the aliens themselves! I loved that we never saw them, not really, only got the basics of their lives and societal structure. But how similar they were, or felt, to the Cultural Revolution idea, of devoting themselves to a single idea and how that devotion robbed them of compassion or emotion. And then how they send their supercomputers ahead to “lock” human science down, robbing us of our ability to know and advance, in much the same way the Cultural Revolution killed Ye’s father for daring to teach the science that came before him, even if it did not come from China, even if it was (by some strange rubric) “reactionary” science.

I also want to single out the sequence of Ye Wenjie living in the village outside of Red Coast, where she gave birth. The brief moment of happiness she has, the view of humanity that she gets from the hunters and farmers and their wives, the community that helps her and respects her. That was a beautiful little moment, and it did a great job making us understand her perspective, see the beauty that she saw, and wish that she would change her mind from the course she’d set. But of course she didn’t, couldn’t, because she could still see the deforestation, the injustices of the Red Guard, and saw no future in which humanity could allow its own beauty to flourish. That was a well-executed piece of tragedy!

The meeting with her father’s murderers was similarly impactful! How each of them had suffered from the Cultural Revolution, been punished and made miserable in their own way by the society and culture that had created them and drove them to what they did… that was handled with a great deal of nuance and understanding, both of the characters and of the circumstances that create tragedies like her father’s murder. And her mother! Oh, pushing her mother away because she refuses to take her own responsibility for what happened to her husband… absolutely tragic, but also absolutely understandable.

The ending is a bit abrupt, and does feel a bit unfinished, ending largely with the long expository sequence on Trisolaris where we see the alien’s plan (as deduced through the communications they kept with the Adventists). The building of the single-proton supercomputers created some extremely cool images, and was (I presume) based on a lot of very interesting and likely plausible science. The proton that unfolded into a giant eye that attempted to destroy them was probably my favorite part! Especially how it’s almost immediately dismissed as impossible to ethically untangle destroying sentient civilizations that are so alien they exist outside of our dimension, but they still spread that around as propaganda because it is useful to deaden the emotional response their people have to destroying other civilizations to preserve their own.

The themes of the novel feel so tangled up — history, science, knowledge, government, authority, propaganda, humanism — and yet they all hang together, all seem to be asking the same questions, pointing towards the same problems of power and authority and a lack of compassion, both on an individual level and a societal one. The book cares a lot about science, about what is “true” and “real” that cannot and should not be denied by any authority just because it goes against their ideology or is inconvenient. But it also goes to great pains to illustrate that even the most fundamental laws of our reality can be obscured by greater powers, that none of us are immune to propaganda, and that only unfiltered, uncontrolled knowledge can give us the truth that we need to make informed decisions about reality and the world we live in.

And it ends on a message of… if not hope, then a lack of despair! We’ve tried forever to eradicate bugs, and yet bugs persist. We each possess the ability to kill dozens, hundreds, thousands with the tools at hand, to protect crops or disease or annoyance, and despite everything, they persist. Resistance, then, is necessary, moral, righteous, even so woefully outmatched — because no matter how hard they try, they cannot defeat everyone.

I read a bit of the postscript the author wrote for the English edition, and despite their protestations that this is not a work about our contemporary world, that ending couldn’t feel more political to me.

#the three body problem #books #man what a wild novel #i don't care what mr. cixin liu says #this is an extremely political work #i knew that from the opening page tbh!

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johnny-wins · 6 months

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Initial Thoughts on Jojo's Bizarre Adventure part 7

For context as to the kind of JJBA fan I am, my favorite parts are:

What can I say, I like Joseph and dislike the parts that end with a fight the protagonist wins by sheer fiat.

Anyway! Part 7 seems great so far. I've read up to chapter 9, so if you don't want spoilers make sure you're caught up to there. Oh also there will be incidental mentions of details from previous parts but I'll try to keep it light since it seems part 7 is really disconnected from them.

So first I'm gonna give my serious thoughts and then I'm gonna attempt to transition smoothly into dumbass ramblings.

We start this part by getting introduced to a native american named Sandman who has been rejected by his community because he possesses books produced by white men, including the holy bible. His peers are enraged, calling him a traitor to his ancestors. He eventually explains to someone who cares for him that he has learned a superior running technique from the white men, and is going to use it to beat them at their own game and win enough money to buy the land that his community has called home for time out of mind, and therefore make it theirs within the structures of the ideology of those who would otherwise take it from them.

Shortly after, in the next issue, we're introduced to an African American man named Pocoloco who dreams of the easy life. He believes he's going to be unbelievably lucky in the next two months, and that no matter what he does things are going to go his way. Therefore, he's simply watching the clouds and spurning his work. Another African American man laboring in the fields argues this is foolish and shortsighted, that "People like me and your dead father... were freed from slavery 25 years ago. But life hasn't changed one bit. We will never live the easy live."

Even afterer than that, we're introduced to the protagonist of this part, Johnny Joestar. Due to some tragic events in his past, his career as a star horse jockey was ended when his legs were severely injured and he was left unable to walk, needing to use a wheelchair.

Everyone I've mentioned ends up making the decision to join a horse race across america, from the west coast to the east, with a fabulous cash prize. I mention all these people so I can say that this story is positioning itself to engage with the idea of the mythical american frontier: A place where anyone could strike it rich if they had skill (like Johnny), determination (like Soundman), and luck (like Pocoloco).

But very deliberately, the characters we're given to engage with are the kinds of people who were actually exploited or left out of that optimistic vision; Native Americans, African Americans, and handicapped people.

And that's neat! I don't know where it's going yet but just on its own it's a great bit of novelty to focus a story of this nature on people of this nature. Johnny frames this as a story of how he "Started to walk... Not in the physical sense, but in an adolescence to adulthood sort of way." So there's probably gonna be a lot of different arcs going on, but I hope this one about exploited people winning the psuedomeritocratic games their oppressors use to justify their imagined superiority has a good one.

Speaking of games, what the fuck are the rules of this race? They seem to have neglected "You need to be riding a horse," because someone brings a camel and someone else brings their 1890s-ass car.

I mean we do learn that you can't change horses midway through so "horse" has to appear in the rules somewhere, I can't believe they managed to "no rule sayin' a dog can't play basketball" their way into this one.

Also Pocoloco seems to have the kind of luck that makes weird short people fall in love with you if you're Dio, and godbless him for it. If this turns out to be his stand power or the fortune teller's stand power, cool, but honestly it's already established that some people are just born lucky in JJBA (Dio and Kira come to mind) so I don't even need that much.

Ah, also, I gotta wonder if Araki was watching Alien before he thought up this panel:

I mean, it's only the second time I've seen someone attack someone else by stuffing a wadded up periodical into their face.

Final note for this post: It seems the unifying traits of all Dios across the cosmos is that they much be Brittish, blonde, and weirdly preoccupied with the machinations of fate.

#jjba part 7 #liveblogging

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soterosvad-gd · 1 year

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For week 8 of blog posts, we read about the evolution of typographic technology. I’ve seen many documentaries on history, and I understand that the printing press was one of the great inventions in past times, yet I never took a pause to think about the fact that typographic design is part of the industrial revolution. A lot of the machines showed were machines that were shown in a museum that lives near me in Ohio. In the museum they use the linotype machine to print cards of art for guests. They also have a room filled with different types of typewriters. Once the chapter went into detail of typographic design transitioning to the computer and softwares my mind got a bit boggled.

This week was a lot of fun with class discussion on the posters we could make. It was really cool to see how collaboration could make posters that much cooler. With each discussion I get a better idea on how I can manipulate and improve my poster. I decided to go with the egg idea where I would use red lenses to make images appear. The issue is figuring out how to make it aesthetically appealing and still make it powerful. I’m going to research how I can first effectively hide a message with it looking appealing, and then I can add hidden details.

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the-magnet-girl · 2 years

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Chromaspace: Conscript Chapter 4

I’m serializing my entire Sci-Fi/Space Opera novel and posting it here on tumblr. If you like what you’ve read today please consider supporting me by purchasing a copy of the book. Links at the end of the chapter, please enjoy. New to the story? Start from the beginning. CHAPTER FOUR

Over the next week, Tamra facilitated the liquidation of most of the clothes on board. They also sold the heavy furniture and expensive rugs. Jacob paid Tamra more than a fair commission for her information about the local merchants. It made Jacob’s job easier and hiring her friends to move the goods insured nothing would ‘disappear’ in transit.

Jacob had held back what remained of the jewelry. He needed something to sell once he was in Union territory. Jewelry had also been a relatively effective bribe in the past. Jacob couldn’t remember the details, but he was sure it was important to be prepared.

Aria kept to herself. Jacob had asked her to focus on assimilating the ship systems. He said it would be best to keep her a secret from Tamra. He was unsure how she would react to an illegal AI running the ship.

Jacob slowly regained his strength. After several days he was finally eating real food and enjoying it quite a bit. Brierwood cuisine wasn’t fancy, but it was hearty and filling. The scrubbers on the ship had been replaced. The water reclamation system had been purged, sterilized, and reseeded. The heating and cooling systems were recharged and refilled. Even the food stores and emergency rations had been restocked. Everything was ready except for Jacob.

He lay on his bed, stared up at the ceiling, and considered his options. He had to admit he had it good here in Panhandle. Money, a ship, and a thriving community in need of interplanetary shipping. He could make a good living here on the border worlds, as long as no one from the Union found him. Would they even be looking for him? They must already presume him dead, and the mission failed. He could have a life again if he gave up his old one. No, he decided. He had to go back. This was his last mission. He would be discharged upon his return. After that, he could put his life back together or start a new one if he had to. No matter what, he had to make it back to Union space.

Aria interrupted his train of thought. “Jacob, Tamra is on the com. She wants to talk to you.”

“Thanks, Aria. Put her through.”

There was a click and the sound of background noise from over the intercom. Aria had routed the transmission right into his room.

“Tamra? Are you there?”

“Hi, Jacob. A bunch of us are heading out for a party. You want to come? It should be lots of fun.”

Jacob was absolutely sure he should say no. He didn’t have time for it; he had a mission to complete. But after a month alone and a week of recovery, he couldn’t resist the promise of fun. “Okay, Tam, count me in.”

Tomorrow he’d have to leave Panhandle and start his trip back to Union space.

“Fantastic! Meet me in front of the store in a half hour. I’ll show you the way.”

Jacob got changed. The clothes Tamra helped him purchase were thicker and heavier than microweave but far better suited to the rugged lifestyle of Brierwood. He put on a simple gray shirt with no cuffs or collar and sleeves reaching only three-quarters down his arm. His pants were loose brown work pants ending in a dark gray plasticized cuff that went from his knee to his ankle. This cuff was waterproof and intended to allow one to remove mud easily. He slipped on a pair of black work boots with metal reinforced toes and old-fashioned laces. Grabbing a waist-length jacket made popular by the miners in the area, he made his way to the central cabin.

“Aria, what’s our status?”

“We’re ready for takeoff any time you are. I’ve assimilated enough of the ship’s computer systems to plot a course to the nearest Union planet, Cordon. We must stop twice, once at the Raven interdock and once in the Tzercies asteroid belt.”

“Cordon? Really? Isn’t Listra in that system? It’s much more hospitable.”

“While that is true, at this time of year, Listra is on the wrong side of their sun. Their star is a red giant, and it would take a significant amount of time and fuel to travel around. We can stop to refuel, and if you like, continue on to Listra. “

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Cordon is barely a habitable planet. I want nothing to do with it.” Jacob felt he should know why but instead changed the subject. “Aria, are there any of the ship’s systems you have not assimilated yet?”

“Yes, Jacob. I have a dozen minor systems that I do not currently control. The only major system left is the weapons array. I thought it best to leave that on manual,” replied Aria.

“Why? Do you think I’d be scared of you controlling the ship’s weapons?”

“Why, yes, Jacob. I’ve had a chance to download many of the historical documents written since the Pherinox evac, and I understand that I am considered dangerous. Placing weapons under my control is a capital offense in the Union and most border planets.”

“Aria, let’s get this straight right now: I don’t care what the hell the law says. I trust you. I need you. If you wanted to do me harm, you could shut off life support, depressurize my room while I slept, or a hundred other nasty things. I can’t run the ship myself, and I can’t hire a crew who won’t turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble. Assimilate the weapons systems, please. Do it fast because we need to leave tomorrow.”

“Okay, Jacob. I’ll be out for a few hours.”

“That’s fine. I’m going out tonight anyways. I’ll lock up when I leave.”

“Jacob,” Aria said with a bit of hesitation that made it sound awkward.

“Yes, Aria?”

“Thank you.”

Jacob smiled. “For what?”

“For not treating me like a thing.”

Jacob’s smile became bittersweet. “Sure, Aria,” he added somberly. “No one deserves to be treated like a thing.”

Jacob picked up Tamra in front of the jewelry shop. She wore much different attire than Jacob was used to seeing her in. Tonight, she wore a white halter top that ended above the belly button and low rise iridescent green pants which hugged her body as though painted on. Her lips were a dark shade of red, and her hair was down around her shoulders. She was stunning, and Jacob alternately hoped for and dreaded the idea that she had dressed this way for him.

Tamra directed Jacob south out of town. They made their way to what Tam called ‘the perfect spot.’ It was at the top of a large plateau. There was a bonfire, music, and large casks of what could generously be called alcohol. Some people sat on blankets, others on mattresses and cushions.

A woman called as they got out of the HEX. “Tam, woohoo! Hey everybody, Tam is here! Tam, this party is burning sooo bright! I’m so glad you made it.”

“I would not miss your birthday for anything, Kal. Kal, this is my friend Jacob. Jacob, this is my friend Kallyhandra.”

Kal interrupted before Jacob could say anything. “Call me Kal. Only my lame-o dad calls me Kallyhandra.”

From behind, another party-goer called to Kal. The music had intensified, and people were dancing around the campfire.

Tamra held out her hand. “Dance with me?”

Jacob smiled and took her hand.

It was a fun night. Jacob tried not to drink too much, but his starvation diet had made him sensitive to the potent drink. As the night was coming to a close, some of the more inebriated boys decided it was time for ‘fireworks.’ The fireworks consist of shooting their sidearms off the edge of the plateau and screaming like idiots.

Jacob and Tamra were sitting on a blanket on the other side of the plateau, looking at the stars. Tamra had curled up next to him and put her arms around him. Jacob sighed and put his arm around her shoulder.

“Tamra,” Jacob said. “You know I’m too old for you.”

She smiled. “I knew you’d say that tonight. Honestly, though, it can’t be that big of a difference.”

“It’s five years.”

“See, not that big of a deal.”

“It’s an important five years, Tam. A lot changes.”

“You have someone, don’t you?”

“Yes. No. Really, at this point, I don’t know.”

“How long has it been.”

“Almost three years now.”

“I’m sorry. Nothing? No messages, no vid calls?”

“Nothing. I’ve been away, and I don’t know if she’s waiting for me or not.”

“Is that why you need to get back?”

Jacob felt a desperate need at that moment. He had to go back and finish his mission.

“Yes and no. I have some business to take care of. I have commitments. Then I’ll be able to see about putting my life back together. I have to leave tomorrow.” He turned to look at her, and without a moment’s hesitation, she kissed him.

“I hope things work out,” she said. “But if not, just know you could always make a life here.”

I know. It’s more tempting than you could possibly understand, Jacob thought. Things would be complicated when he went back, very complicated. He could just let his old life die and start a new one here with Tamra. She was young and beautiful and full of life. As the urgency inside him began to recede, he thought about how easy it would be to lose himself here in the simple, honest life of Brierwood. He was about to tell Tamra how he felt, but unfortunately, their sweet moment was cut short by strong hands lifting Jacob to his feet.

“Get your dirty paws off my woman!” yelled a large, muscular man.

Jacob put his hands up and stepped back. “I didn’t come here to fight. What’s this all about?”

“This is about you and my woman. You don’t get to lay a hand on her,” the inebriated man said.

Tamra rushed to look Herrick right in the eyes. “I am not your woman, Harrick. We’ve never even dated,” Tamra spat, poking her finger into his chest to emphasize every word.

Herrick’s yelling started quite a commotion. Some people ran to their vehicles while others crowded around Herrick and Jacob.

“You are my woman because I say you are,” Herrick growled, pushing her aside and advancing on Jacob.

Jacob talked slowly and calmly. “Look, Herrick, I understand how you feel, but that’s just not the way things work. If she isn’t interested, there isn’t anything you can do about it. This little display won’t win her heart.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure it won’t,” said Herrick. Jacob was relieved to hear that. Despite his assertion, Jacob knew that sometimes a confrontation did win over a girl who felt neglected by a suitor. He didn’t think Tamra was that type of girl, but how well did he know her?

A vicious right hook came barreling down on Jacob’s jaw. “But it’s gonna make me feel soooo much better to beat you bloody.”

Jacob stumbled back, nearly falling, and heard Herrick’s laughter.

Some of the crowd cheered Herrick on with chants of “Get’em!” and “Hit him again!”

Jacob recovered quickly. He dodged a second swing from Herrick. “Oh, you just made a big mistake, Herrick. Next time you sucker-punch someone, make sure they don’t get back up.”

Herrick just laughed and swung again. Tamra shrieked, but Jacob saw it coming and raised his left arm in time to block. Swatting the arm away left Herrick wide open, and Jacob swung a punch right into Herrick’s big head. It landed with a solid thud, like a baseball hitting a brick wall. Herrick’s eyes rolled up into his head, and he crumpled into a heap on the ground. The crowd gasped and then was silent.

“Jacob, how did you do that?” Tamra asked.

Jacob quickly gathered up his stuff. “Yeah, yeah, no big deal. I had a rock in my hand.”

“I didn’t see any rock,” Tamra protested as Jacob tried to hurry her through the still-shocked crowd.

“Sleight of hand, I’m good with that kind of stuff. Forget about it. Let’s just get out of here.”

Jacob could see the HEX parked just twenty feet away.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” asked a voice from the darkness.

Jacob let out a sigh. He knew that voice. This was getting real bad real fast.

“Mr. Hanson, how good to see you again,” Officer Landon said. “I don’t believe this nice young woman is your wife, is she?”

Jacob tried desperately to save his cover story. “She left me, sir, the very next day after you and I met. Annulled the marriage over the com channel and was on a flight out the same day.”

“Now why don’t I believe you? I’m pretty sure there wasn’t anyone else on that ship. It’s about time you came back to the station and answered a few questions, starting with where you got that ship.”

Jacob took a step back, but Landon just put his hand on his side arm. “Don’t think about it, son, just come along quietly now.” Landon pulled out a pair of handcuffs with his other hand.

Jacob looked Tamra right in the eyes and said, “I meant what I said before. Don’t wait for me. I’m leaving tonight. “

Tamra just nodded.

“You’re not going anywhere but lockup son,” spat Landon.

Jacob put his hands up. “Officer, I want the record to show that I am not resisting,” Jacob said as Officer Landon applied the handcuffs.

“And I want the record to show that you are a total lame-o.” Kal, with absolute fearlessness, had walked right up to Officer Landon. “What the hell are you doing at my party arresting my guests?”

Landon placed the handcuffed Jacob in the back of his vehicle, closed the door, and addressed Kal.

“That’s enough lip out of you, Kallyhandra. You’re drunk.” Addressing everyone, he yelled. “You’re all lucky I don’t drag the lot of you in.”

“You’re all heart, dad, really. If you hadn’t noticed, this is my birthday party. I’m 18 now. I can do whatever I want,” Kal said indignantly. “So you gonna let my friend go now?”

“No, Kallyhandra. This man could be dangerous,” Landon fumed.

“Dangerous? Dangerous?! Herrick goes on a drunken rampage, and you’re gonna arrest the victim? Fantastic police work, Dad,” Kal screamed.

“A night in lockup won’t kill him. We’ll just double-check his story, and if everything checks out, he’ll be free to go.”

Kal had lost her rage. She wore a sly smirk. “Great plan dad. There’s just one problem.”

“What?”

“You’ve lost your prisoner,” Kal said, laughing.

“What?” Landon turned around and looked into his car. Shining his flashlight into the back seat, the only thing he saw was a pair of locked handcuffs.

“Fantastic police work, dad,” Kal giggled. “Fan-tas-tic.”

Landon looked around, stunned. Kal just kept laughing.

Jacob tapped the radio in the HEX as he drove frantically toward the ship.

“Aria, we got trouble. I need you to prep for liftoff right now.”

“Yes, Jacob. Is everything alright? You didn’t do anything inappropriate with that little girl, did you?”

“Tamra is not a little girl,” Jacob insisted.

Aria took on a teasing lilt. “Is that yes?”

“No. Nothing happened. I just got into a little altercation at the party.”

“Over the child?”

“Yes- no!” Jacob let out an exasperated groan. “She’s not a child. Will you stop that?!”

“Cargo bay doors are open, Jacob,” Aria said. “We can take off as soon as you get here.” —- I’m serializing the entire book and posting it here on tumblr but if you like what you’ve read today please consider supporting me by purchasing a copy of the book. It’s available from all major e-book sellers Available Now! — CHROMASPACE or directly from my store STORE — CHROMASPACE.

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eijiroukiriot · 3 years

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if you had told me back in 2018 when bnha only had 2 season and we had just barely learned where kirishima came from i don’t think i would’ve outright not believed that deku dropped out of ua to go pro immediately and use his 7 quirks to help people but i think i probably would’ve been pretty skeptical. interested but skeptical. but the thing that would’ve drove me completely over the “no way. absolutely no way” line would be “kirishima’s roots grow out, and to show that he’s serious about becoming a hero and a part of the class, bakugou wears a tie with his uniform. these happen in the same chapter”

#(voice of that one specific gravity falls line that idk if anyone else is gonna get immediately)#my one and only dream...which was to see kirishima's roots in canon...has come true!#or like idk. i know it sounds dumb but also we're all kirishima stans here i think we all get it #i'm gonna justify anyway bc i really want to say that like idk #kirishima has a lot more to him than a lot of the other side characters bc he was given that spotlight #but most of the time he's kinda put into the ensemble #the fact that he dyes his hair is like a fun detail that plays into his backstory and also like random trivia not every character has #so like the fact that his roots grew out after this very intense period of sadness is such a tiny little detail #but it acknowledges so much abt him...the fact that he dyes his hair in the first place to feel more confident...and the fact that he must'v #e lost some of that in the fallout of the war arc #really tiny little thing but the fact that horikoshi included it honestly shows a lot of care towards him as a character #so ;-; that's one thing #i know uraraka didn't have her cheeks this past chapter too and deku looks a lot like yamikumo #lots of cool transitional details in this past chapter #bkg wearing a tie wasn't like something i (or anyone?) was really like expecting or hoping for as a step on his character development?#but maybe that like makes it hit harder #i do have the emotions around it but idk if i'm sold on it as like...a permanent thing #the same way when people say 'oh eventually kirishima will be able to stop dyeing his hair'#like i feel like at some point it stops being a statement and just starts being a thing. wearing a tie isn't the end all be all of respect #but still the fact that he did to show unity w the class at that moment...him as one of the leaders and not trying to distance himself #from it at all....#man he really has come such a long way it's so crazy that at one point 'if all you do is look down on others' was such an unthinkably huge #step #i finally watched this past week's episode today and the 'i came here to find what i lack' scene hit very hard again #and . i have typed a whole wall of tags so this will be it for now #happy wednesday guys i hope you all have seen a nice tree in the past few days #thoughts

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ms-march · 3 years

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Old Hollywood AU- The Lucky One

Here is the first chapter/one shot of this AU that is a collab and crossover that @tolstoyamericanrevolution and I have been working on it since November! Please keep an open mind to character interpretation because this is AU territory and a lot of a character who isn't necessarily the focus of the AU can be warped for plot and time accuracy purposes over character accuracy! So let's get to it and happy last day of TURN WEEK 2021!!!!

Global media was in a buzz, Today was the Hollywood equivalent of a royal wedding. With all the bells and whistles belonging to the West Coast set. New & old money all united around the superficialities of silver screens and unions and dubious desert deals. All neatly swallowed down with a glass of wedding champagne- the same brand as Buckingham palace yet here it looked slightly gaudy, American.

The media was here to adore, this was a decade before your Grace Kelly’s and other exports could wear centuries-old crowns.

Here it was harsh, fiscal, temporary, silver over platinum yet it was royal, majestic, lovely- every bit worth the soundbite.

This was the American monarchy, all a blend of the finest breeds and worst mongrels.

Dressed up in such a lovely, splendid crowd that Philadelphia, New York, Houston, Los Angeles & Chicago would all be running titles.

“Adoring Crowds rewarded at last! The Marriage of America’s Sweetheart”

“Hollywood Royalty! Adrienne Fairfax & John Laurens tie the Knot”

“ Media Heiress & Tobacco Heir; Los Angeles’s Marriage of The Decade”

Those picking up the papers would all sigh the same thing; how lovely.

The crowd was lovely.

At least, she was sure it was. Adrienne Fairfax had not yet been seen by a single member of the crowd, anxiously sitting before a vanity in a wedding gown three times her size, wringing satin gloved hands until the gloves began to crease. Her hands shook with the same fear that was responsible for the turning of her stomach as she removed them.

Today was her wedding day and it was exactly as she had always dreamed. Every detail was perfect and precisely to her liking.

Every detail was impressive.

Every detail would impress them.

The crowd was lovely.

The crowd had cheered for her, applauding her on the engagement just as they did when she was on the movie screen. Adrienne had been just as shocked as them to hear of her engagement. She would certainly remember being proposed to at the ripe age of seventeen. She certainly would have remembered if the man who did so was twenty-three years old, making him five years her senior.

The crowd had buzzed with conversation, just as they did now, outside of the open windows that were meant to cool her down. The cool breeze in the mountains this time of year should have corrected the heat filling her face and chest as it billowed through the open windows of the room, carrying the sounds of society in with it.

Her wedding was exactly as she had always dreamed.

It was in the mountains, away from the pollution of the billboard lights and American mile cars. She could see the stars from here, the real ones, in the sky. Not the ones in the velvet curtains in the ballroom, or the ones on the tule that coated the tablecloth in the grand dining room of the house she had barely spent a night in since she was a very young girl. Not the ones taking their seats in a church to watch Adrienne make the most irreversibly horrible decision of her life.

The crowd was lovely.

She was sure it was, and she was grateful for them. Their own chatter drowned out the echoes of old ghosts that still haunted this house’s halls. Adrienne’s eyes fluttered down to the picture frame propped up on the vanity in her childhood bedroom. She had been watching it like the smiling couple in the photo would decide to leave their seats on the terrace and walk away.

It was impressive.

The woman had light-colored hair, and the man’s was some odd form of grey in the yellowing black and white photo. She wore the most beautiful gown of pearly ivory layers and lace, the very same gloves Adrienne had just pulled from her own clammy hands graced the woman’s hands, the tiara atop her head in the photo matching the one atop the pile of blonde curls that she had just arranged in the vanity mirror.

It was just as she had imagined it.

Adrienne had found her mother’s wedding planning book years ago, and she fell in love with it the moment she first laid her eyes upon the beautiful fair-haired woman, leaning happily into the man in a finely tailored tuxedo and a wide smile in his eyes with an odd grey color to his hair.

Adrienne had not stepped foot over the threshold of this impressive Georgian English Manor style house since the last time she was dressed head to toe in black.

Adrienne had not crossed the threshold since the day of their funeral when she crossed from the foyer to the stairs down the drive with her belongings in tow.

She had gone home with a family friend that her parents had entrusted with her care and upbringing. The Washingtons were more superficial people than her parents had been. Not to say that they consumed more, that much was about the same. Rather, they were more concerned about success than they ever were with her. Growing up with the Washingtons, Adrienne had so many nannies, nurses, and governesses she often forgot their names. Not that it was important really, none of them integrated with her more than they absolutely had to.

Martha Washington had been insistent that she was to be the only maternal figure to the young heiress. Which would have been perfectly alright if she did not despise Adrienne’s own mother so deeply, making her maternal affection very few and far between.

Today is her wedding day.

It was Martha that had opened the door without a word, simply raising her brow, impatient with the blonde girl before the vanity. Adrienne managed one last look in the mirror before rising from the small chair she had sat on, donning her gloves over the clamminess of her sweaty hands, and breathed.

She breathed carefully as Martha pulled the veil to cover her face.

In and out.

In and out and suddenly she could pretend she was not being made to act as a witness as George signed over all she was to gain upon her 18th birthday to a man named John Laurens. He had shown up to sign the papers himself, a courtesy to George, she was sure. He was to be her husband, or so she had been told.

He had not even looked at her.

He did not greet her when he came through the door, only George. He did not converse with her, only George. She could have gotten up, smacked him, and walked out of the room and he would still not have noticed her.

He was to be her husband and she had not met him but once before. She knew who he was, vaguely. He worked at the studio as an actor. He was the son of an influential South Carolina politician who had a family fortune in the tobacco trade. But she had only met John Laurens once before her wedding day was set for the day of her 18th birthday and not a single day later. A week after watching her life be signed away into his hands he had paid her a visit.

Another courtesy to George, she was sure.

He had arrived with no specific plan, and walked through the gardens with her, talking now to her for almost an hour straight. She had even tried placing both tea and whiskey before him to shut his ramblings, both attempts failing miserably as he continued on about himself. He visited for almost two hours and had not asked her a single thing about herself.

He was to be her husband and he did not know a thing about her.

They met four other times during the short engagement, most of which were public niceties, another courtesy to George. There was not a single newspaper, magazine, or television hour that did not wish to have some kind of word with her on the topic of her wedding. None of them dared to advise her, she had been out planning the very best in the country since her earliest teenage years. A popular anecdote she had heard more in the past few months than she had anything else in the rest of her life went as following:

The Pope had come to visit the re-elected Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the White House but found the most pleasant time in the company of the most eligible girl in America, all the way on the West Coast.

The crowd was lovely.

That is what George had told her with a peck of a kiss to her cheek before he took his seat. She would walk herself down the aisle.

The harp and violins played as the grand doors to the ballroom opened on her, exposing her to the crowd and their whispers. The ceremony looked stunning. It was just as she had imagined it when she was little.

She only now began to wish that she had imagined the man at the end of the aisle so that there might be at least something she could find fault with.

There were familiar faces among the crowd that she passed on her long and slow walk to the man at the other end of the grand room. The clicking echo of her heels on the floor being the only thing keeping her trembling legs on course, but even worse was searching as discreetly as possible for those familiar faces. Anything to not have to face the harsh reality of who— no, of what— waited for her at the end of the crowd.

Among the crowd, her eyes locked with another blonde-haired man and she begged herself not to look desperate. He saw her looking too, but he managed far more composure than Adrienne did. Of course he did.

He must be thrilled.

Adrienne had the thought before she could stop herself. John Andre was another executive at the studio alongside George. Before her engagement, there had been pressures from all around for the two of them to marry. It would be a fitting trade, they justified, the daughter of an executive to the wife of an executive. It was a natural transition.

Perhaps that is why he had not spoken out about her engagement and marriage being written into her contract. He stood there, pretending he was not looking at her in his black tailored tuxedo, hair done in the most fashionable way with a small wave curl to it. He pretended that she was not on a death march.

He pretended far better than her.

He had his vices, that much she knew, but he was respectful. He spoke with her, not just to her. She knew him. She knew him and even though she had never found him more than physically attractive she found herself wishing it was him at the end of the aisle, and not for the first time since her engagement.

Today was her wedding day.

In a few minutes, she won’t be engaged anymore.

In a few minutes, she would be married.

In a few minutes, she would be married to a man that did not know a single thing about her.

She would be married to a man in less than a few minutes, and suddenly Adrienne understood all those runaway brides, leaving their fiance’s at the altar. Her heart pounded, hammering in her chest as she composed herself with a warm indifference. She had been doing so well. Then she saw him.

John Andre was an executive at the studio with George. There was pressure from all around for them to get married.

It was a fair trade.

He remained silent for his own sake. One cannot be forced to marry a woman who already belongs to a husband of her own.

She would be married and he would remain a bachelor till the end of his days, just as he wanted, receiving pity for her engagement everywhere he looked, exempting him from the very idea of marriage. Exempting him from being held accountable for his vices.

He must be thrilled, signing her life away to a man who doesn’t know a single thing about her for his own peace of mind.

It was a fair trade.

He had played the game and played it well.

He had won. And it was fair.

This will all be over soon, and she could find solstice in the stars over the sleepy Manor estate, talking to a ghost from the lawn as if he never left her. He had never left her, calling her to look up and scour the sky for stars whenever she felt lonely.

He had called her “my star.”

She was his star, and soon it would all be over. She could disappear into the night and be with the stars, chatting with ghosts from a happier past.

It will all be over soon.

She was looking through the crowd for familiar faces.

She was doing so well. And then she saw him, in the doorway she had just come from, a man in a finely tailored tuxedo and a wide smile in his eyes with an odd grey color to his hair. “It will all be over soon.”

And she heard him from the other end of the aisle, loud and clear, as if he were right beside her, as he should be.

Executive’s daughter married,

Media magnet meets Southern industry

John Andre: Hollywood’s Most Wanted Bachelor Remains Unwed

It was easy to feel remorseful, heroically guilty when you had nothing at stake.

No real risk to gamble.

It was the prisoner that escaped the hanging and looked sympathetically to the damned, fingers crossed behind their back. That was John Andre on this fine nuptial day.

If it had been him standing at the end of the aisle, where another John stood, he would be less prone to sympathy and instead resentment. Resentment of having his wings clipped and arranged around him, in exchange for a slip of a girl whom he felt no connection with.

By no connection, he meant romantic or intimate or lustful- none of the trilogy of connections worth considering matrimony.

Instead, he felt an observer's connection, a connection of pity, of sympathy- lightly powdered amusement and a genuine kindness that came from recognizing another piece on the chessboard of the older generation.

You could have as much power or success as you wanted in this city, as an executive you would assume John had made it to the top, and yet you would always be a puppet on someone else’s string.

Ask any man and it would be a woman, a mafia deal, a boss, an older competitor, or simply the moths that floated around the sparkles of fame ready to consume you if you stepped out of line.

#lbl #luck be a lady #turn amc #turn: washington's spies #adrienne fairfax #john laurens #old Hollywood au #an American dream #turn week 2021 #turn week #amrev #american revolution #turn fanfic

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themoonandotherslikeit · 3 years

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Painted - Chapter Two

“Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.” - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Y/N has moved on, her scars are barely noticeable anymore, and she’s finally stable. Or at least she was. 10 years after the worst day of her life, Y/N found herself staring face to face with an unimaginable horror. In the wake of her worst nightmare come to life, she finds herself reunited with the man that saved her all those years ago - Agent Dean Winchester who had left her a decade before broken and wanting. Dean Winchester has spent the last 10 years trying desperately to forget Y/N and the tragedy that he pulled her out of, but when she called asking for his help he dropped everything to come to her aid as he knew he always would. Can Y/N and Dean solve the mystery that has resurfaced after all this time? Will they be able to resist the pull between them? Or will this be the final brush strokes on a canvas, sealing their fate for good?

No Beta currently, all mistakes are my own! Pairing: Dean/Reader Tags: Dark!Fic, Agent!Dean, Serial Killer Fic, Smut etc.

Chapter Two

He’s back.

It took Dean Winchester no time to drop everything he was doing and go to her. His coffee was left to cool at his desk, his computer booted up, and his case file open wide for the world to see. As he sped down the streets of downtown Boston, he clicked on the siren on his dash.

“Is he in the house? Are you in danger?”

“No. I’m safe.”

He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white. It had been ten goddamned years, but when he heard her voice he was shot back in time. He’d thought about disconnecting the number dozens of times. He hadn’t been a field agent in a long time, after all. Eight years away from the city, and only one back at the Bureau. He was getting his toes wet - not sure who he wanted to be.

But if Y/N called, he knew where he would be.

Making it to her house in record time, he drove through the already-open gate. She had followed his instructions and called in the break in. Local PD was already on the premises and seeing the squad cars let him breathe easier.

“I’m safe.”

It was why he had chosen the job, after all. To keep people safe. It was also the reason he left. He got out of the car, remembering to take his keys with him as an afterthought and pushed through the open door.

He stopped mid stride when he saw her. It had been a long time, a decade, a lifetime. She wore jeans and an oversized flannel, her Pitbull rested protectively at her feet. Her hair laid wet and tangled, pushed behind her ears as she nodded, talking to an uniformed officer.

She looked up, her eyes meeting his in a moment that completely slowed time. “Dean,” she exhaled his name like a sigh of relief.

“Hi Sweetheart.”

The officer turned to look at him, surprised. “The FBI? Agent Winchester, I didn’t realize you’d be here…”

“Have you taken her statement?” The officer nodded to him, his eyes still wide in shock. “Then I’ll take it from here.”

The Officer stepped out of the way, making room for Dean to go to her. Y/N stood as he approached, her hands flexing at her side like she was actively trying not to reach for him. “You came.”

“I told you I would,” he said quietly.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Her voice broke, her eyes filling with tears.

“Hey, I’ve got you. You’re safe.” He reached for her, capturing her by the waist before she collapsed. He held her steady, lowering her back onto the stool.

“Sorry,” she said breathlessly, holding her head. “Haven’t eaten today.”

Dean crouched slightly to meet her eyes, his hands on either side of her. “Show it to me, then I’ll take you to get something to eat.” He reached up to push a lock of damp hair behind her ear.

“I can’t leave Castiel here.”

“We will take him with us,” he promised, offering a supportive grin. “We will eat on the patio.”

“Okay.”

She took his extended arm and allowed him to support her weight as they walked down the hallway. He didn’t need her to show him where the painting was, he just followed the sounds of crime scene techs talking, photographs being snapped.

“Did you notice anything else out of place?”

“Just the painting.”

One of the officer’s was calling to the prison. It was impossible that he could’ve gotten out, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t have resources to plant the painting. If Dean was sure of anything, he was sure of that.

He felt Y/N tug at his arm at the entrance to the hallway, halting mid-step. He glanced at her. Her pupils were wide and her lips were parted, ragged breaths escaping. “I’ve got it from here,” he told her, his hand lingering on her arm for a beat before releasing her and leaving her standing next to her dog.

Dean made his way down the hallway, officers making room for him like he was Moses splitting the Red Sea. He walked until he saw it, the painting. He settled on her eyes in the painting, delicate, detailed, but expressionless. They were missing the light that made Y/N Y/N, but it captured her likeness well enough.

He’d seen them before, of course. The paintings were famous. He thought back to the twenty-three year old girl who blushed in embarrassment the first time she saw them hanging on a wall. Dean didn’t look at them for her body, he knew it didn’t belong to her. He looked at the painting with the eyes of a detective. It was a piece of the bigger puzzle, just another clue. He leaned in closer to the painting and took a large inhale through his nose. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back any kind of reaction. He knew she was still watching him. They all were.

“Tape off the house,” he instructed, looking back to the techs and officers. I want this entire place looked over. Leave no stone unturned. I mean it. I trust you’ll secure the space, and then leave it to us. My team will be taking over from here out. Johnson,” he said, turning to an officer that he recognized. “Call the FBI field office and let them know the details and that I said I'm taking the case.” His gaze turned from the officers to Y/N. “Let’s get you some clothes. I don’t think you’ll be sleeping here tonight.”

“You read my mind.”

****

They sat at a table on the patio of a coffee shop, Castiel sleeping at Y/N’s feet. She watched Dean blow on his coffee. He looked good if she was paying attention. His strong jaw was speckled with light hairs, his full lips were pursed, blowing on his coffee to cool it enough to drink. He held the mug in large calloused hands. His moss green eyes flickered to her, catching her staring, and she suddenly felt unbelievably vulnerable.

“So, you’re a PI, huh?” He asked, his voice rougher than she remembered it to be.

Y/N shook her head. “Not frequently.”

“Why not?”

She held her own mug between her hands, tapping the lip with her index finger. “There weren’t enough wins. I couldn’t save…” Her voice trailed off and she sighed. “Well, you know what it’s like. So I opened a self defense gym. Preventative measures instead of cleaning up the messes after the fact. I’ll take special cases, and I consult every now and then. They say I have a special eye for it.”

“I suspect you do.”

“What about you, Dean?” She looked back to him, through the steam on her cup. It was the transitional time in Massachusetts when the summer shifted to autumn, and the chill nipped at her ears. “Where have you been the last ten years?” She wasn’t meaning to sound so accusatory, but that’s how it came out - pointed and full of resentment.

Silence settled between them, heavy and pressured. He cleared his throat and placed his mug down. “After everything that happened I was approached to be a part of a tactical team with the military. I didn’t feel I could decline.” Her eyebrow shot up in surprise. “I joined the Marines. I’d always thought about it after high school, it’s what my father did… and after everything that happened... I needed a change.” She watched his fast twist in itself, his lips curl and his eyes drop back to his coffee. He felt guilty for being messed up. She wanted to reach out to him and take his hand in hers to comfort him for that.

“You still answered my call… on the line that you gave me that long ago. Your work line.”

“I never got rid of it.” His eyes flickered up as he gazed at her through long dark eyelashes.

“Why?”

He chuckled low and shook his head. “It sounds insane.”

“I’ve lived insane. Try me.”

“I worried that this would happen… that someday you’d call. Every time I went to cancel it, every year that went by, I just sat in my car in the parking lot and never went in to do it. Couldn’t risk it.”

“This was your case… the one that changed you.”

He grunted, leaning back in his chair. “You sound like you’re saying from experience.”

“Well, it changed me too,” she said with a mischievous grin. His thick eyebrows shot up in surprise. She unsettled people frequently, especially when they knew her past.

“Of course.”

“Are you still in the marines?”

“Once you become one, you’re always a jarhead.” He grinned at her, a dimple pressing into his cheek. “But no, I’ve been out for two years. I got pulled back into the Bureau. They wanted me, begged me to do it.” He sighed.

“You don’t want it?”

Dean’s eyes locked with hers. “It’s been a lot of paper work. Never much wanted a desk job.”

“You’re not at a desk now, agent,” she challenged.

He grinned at her. “When a beautiful woman calls me I’m duty bound to come to her.”

She smiled and peeled her eyes from his. The banter was flirty, light, but it was a Band-Aid taped over a wound that was too close to bursting. “I’m glad you answered,” Y/N said quietly, Castiel nudging her leg with his nose. “It was instinct to call you the second I saw the painting.”

A jolt ran through her as he took her hand in his. He squeezed it gently, cradling it with care. “Y/N…”

She pulled her hand out of his and wrapped it around her mug instead, sipping her coffee. “I can’t.”

“Of course.” He nodded with an understanding that felt unfair, unwarranted.

“Do you think it’s him?” She asked, almost blurting out the question that was sitting on her tongue from the moment she saw Dean again.

Dean sighed heavily and clasped his hands together. “I don’t see how it can be. He’s been in jail for a decade, Y/N.”

“Are you sure?” Her eyes stung as fear pressed insistently against her chest preventing her from taking a full, deep breath. She didn’t think it was possible to live this way anymore, she didn’t think she had to. It was like for the first time she’d thought she could breathe easily again, just to get the breath knocked out of her in one swift kick to her stomach.

“As sure as I can be, but not sure enough to not check into it. Never sure enough to not check into it.” He leaned forward, his green eyes intense. “I’ll figure this out. I can promise you that.”

“I don’t know who else would do this.”

“Has he contacted you?”

“Not in years. He gave up eventually when I wouldn’t take his calls or write him back.”

“He wrote to you?”

“Every day for the first year. He’d send me drawings…” She tightened her grip on her mug, her knuckles whitening as a chill seemed to crawl up her spine. “I stopped opening them after the first week.”

“Do you still have them?” Dean asked slowly, carefully.

Y/N was familiar with people walking on eggshells around her. It was no real surprise that Dean would do the same. He was cautious, calculated, a professional. She wetted her bottom lip with her tongue, a nervous habit to keep her from picking at the dry skin. He made her nervous. The situation made her skin itch beneath her clothes, heat rising up the back of her neck. “Yes. They’re locked in a drawer. I’ve thought about burning them a thousand times but I just…”

“Can’t bring yourself to?”

She nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m punishing myself for not realizing. Or maybe it’s a reminder to never let it happen again.”

“I’d like to see them.”

She sat up a little straighter in her seat, her jaw tightening in an expression that she was sure resembled a grimace. “They’re personal.”

“I suspect they are.”

“What do you think you’ll learn from them?”

“I don’t know, which is why I need to examine them. I need you to trust me…”

“I trust you, Dean. I think you should know that by now.”

10 years ago

“It’s inappropriate, Agent Winchester! I gave you orders to wait. She needed to be evaluated, but you went in anyway and now… ” Captain McLeod was pissed, to put it mildly. Her nostrils flared and her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him. For such a small woman she was terrifying, and in any other circumstance he would’ve rolled over and played dead like she obviously wanted him to. But this wasn’t any circumstance.

“She's imprinted. I know that’s what the psychologist said. She trusts me. Only me.”

“You can't be her connection, Dean.”

“I have to be. We can’t take another thing from her. I can’t abandon her after everything she’s been through.”

“You aren’t trained in psychology,” she hissed.

“I’m taking pointers from the hospital psychologist. I‘ll take her lead. I’ll tread lightly. Come on, Rowena. This is the right thing and you know it.”

“She’s having a mental break,” his captain said, her voice low. She grasped his shoulder. “I don’t want you to get too attached to someone so unstable.”

He nodded, trying to keep his expression neutral, because if he was honest with himself he would have to admit that he was already attached. How could he not be? “I’ve got this. You can go, I’ll report on what I find.”

She looked at Dean suspiciously, but finally nodded with a sigh. She had no choice but to trust him, and that fact was to his advantage. He watched her leave, before quickly entering Y/N’s hospital room again.

The hospital room was bright, the blinds raised and the light bleeding in. She looked absolutely exhausted, deep purple half moons rested under her eyes. Her hair was freshly brushed, pushed behind her ears, and down. The monitors beep steadily, showing her heartbeat, blood pressure and a dozen other numbers that he couldn’t begin to decipher. The top of the bed was raised allowing her to sit up a bit, and her bandaged arms rested on her lap.

“Dean,” Y/N said breathlessly as her tired green eyes caught his. He could tell even from where he stood in the doorway that her eyes were more grey than green from her exhaustion.

“Hey, Sweetheart.”

“I thought you left.”

“I told you I wouldn’t.”

Her eyes flickered down to her hands where she picked at her nails. “I know you did.”

“I won’t leave you. You can trust me,” he promised, walking to her. He sat in the chair next to her and pulled it close to her bed. She looked so small and fragile in that bed. Seeing photographs of her before the incident was jarring, she looked like a completely different person.

“Okay,” Y/N said, her voice weak. She nodded and sucked in her breath.

“You can talk to me if you need to.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Don’t feel pressured to talk.”

“You’re sending mixed signals, Agent.” She smiled then, it was weak but the spark in her eye wasn’t something he could ignore.

“Yeah, most of my dates say that.”

“Is this a date?” Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“What? No - of course not. I…”

It sounded better than he could’ve ever imagined, and fuck, he hadn’t expected it to come as soon as it did. She was laughing. “Relax, Agent.” She exhaled, trying to catch her breath. “I was kidding.”

“Sure, of course you were.” His back relaxed again. He felt tightly wound, stressed. He hadn’t been able to truly relax over the last twenty-four hours. Pressure was higher than ever and things hadn’t gotten much better. No one was convinced it was over, himself included. He would have to get some information out of Y/N eventually, but he wanted to tread lightly after all she had been through. Kindness was the least that she deserved.

“It’s over, Dean.” She looked like she was reassuring him. “Right?” Her eyes met him with fear and intensity behind the brave face she was putting up.

“I don’t want to upset you,” he said carefully.

“I’m already upset. Just spit it out already. You look like you’ve sat on a thumbtack.”

Dean wanted to laugh at her image of him, but there wasn’t much to laugh about. He hated this part of his job. Y/N had been smiling a moment before, she felt safe and that wasn’t something that should be squandered or minimalized. It was a big thing. After he told her what he had to say, she wouldn’t feel safe. Not really. “We think there may be more.” ------ Chapter Three Read on A03 Here Tag List:

@lyarr24

@dean-winchesters-bacon

@waywardbaby

@akshi8278

@sexyvixen7

@deanwanddamons

@siospins

@beanie-beebo

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sarahjtv · 3 years

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BNHA Chapter 301 Spoiler Thoughts: Pain, More Pain, Extra Pain, EVERYTHING HURTS

I had to wait until the summary for this chapter came out to get my thoughts across and holy shit, my dudes... This chapter is so, so deep and adds a lot more to the Todoroki family than I thought possible. I’m still thinking about all of it as I’m typing this. But, writing is how I process things sometimes, so I hope this helps all of us:

The chapter starts off with a flashback to when Enji (I’m calling Endeavor by his real name here so long as we’re dealing with his family) proposing to marry Rei to Rei and her family. Rei is aware of the whole “Quirk Marriage” thing, but she accepts the proposal much to her family’s delight. What’s surprising here is that it’s implied that Enji expected Rei to say “No”. I’m honestly kind of shocked here too.

One, I thought because of the whole eugenics thing that Rei and her family would be taken aback by this. Back in the Sports Fest. Arc, I believe Shoto implied the that Endeavor bought Rei’s hand in marriage with money (it’s been a LONG time, so please correct me on this if I’m wrong). But they were actually ok with the idea of having Rei be married to a top hero like Endeavor. Rei seemed more reluctant though the fact that she said “Yes” maybe implies that she had legitimate feelings of love for Enji before shit hit the fan.

Edit: Ok, the fan translations are out. It’s said that Rei did this for the sake of her family. I still think she at least started to have legit feelings of love for Enji at some point.

Two, Enji didn’t expect Rei to accept his proposal. We all know that Enji’s intention was to have a kid that had a Quirk that possessed both fire and ice so that the kid could surpass All Might. Maybe Enji was looking for other women with ice Quirks before Rei and all of them before her turned him down. So when Rei accepted, Enji was shocked that someone agreed to what was basically his plan for the future.

The next page shows Enji and Rei on a walk in the park Rei looks at her favorite flowers and Enji asks if she likes them to which Rei says “yes”. Enji comments on how strong yet fragile Rei is. It’s such a small scene, but it tells the story so well visually. I can’t explain it well here, but I think this is where Enji started to see Rei as more of a person to love than something that can help achieve his goal.

Back to the present real quick, we go back to Rei confronting Enji. She came to see him because things are not okay and they need to face their family’s tragedy head on. At the same time, Dabi is reflecting on his life and doing his iconic monologuing about how he loved seeing Enji suffer. He wants the rest of his family to see how he suffered too. This further establishes how much Dabi wants to see his father be destroyed mentally. He wants him to reap everything he sewed. I’ll be damned if Dabi’s plan didn’t work. Also, Dabi is shown crying blood again as the panel transitions to the Todoroki household with the blood tear seeping into the next panel. God, I love Horikoshi’s panel structuring A+ stuff.

Back to the past, Enji stopped training little Touya. His fire Quirk was getting stronger, but so was the ice part of his body. Touya’s body was meant for the cold, but his fire Quirk counteracts that. So, Touya’s ultimately harming himself. This reveals to us that Enji didn’t really stop training Touya because he wasn’t the “perfect specimen” for his plan. It was mainly because Enji cared about Touya enough that he didn’t want his son to harm himself anymore than he already has. Enji abused his kids and wife, sure, but he wasn’t always a bad man. He did love his family before something snapped.

Also, real quick, but there’s a panel that shows Touya’s hair getting progressively whiter. Specifically the left side of his head. He looks like the opposite of Shoto actually and I bet you money that that was done on purpose. Symbolism, my friends.

The next panels shows little Touya and Fuyumi (AWWW 🤍) talking a bit. Touya’s upset that their dad won’t train him anymore while Fuyumi just doesn’t want her brother to get hurt. Touya says that girls wouldn’t understand (he’s a kid here, so I’ll let this slide). It hurts to see how Touya misunderstand the situation here. I think he ultimately wanted to have love and acceptance from his father via training to make Enji proud. But training only caused Touya pain. Pushing Touya away for his own safety ended up making things worse.

I actually can’t describe what happens next (I've seen the panel, but it hasn’t been translated fully yet), but it has something to do with Rei trying to convince Enji not to do something in particular because it would be too cruel. Touya continued to train alone and he kept getting scars on his skin every day because his ambitions are just as strong as Enji’s. He didn’t know when to give up. In the end, Enji knew that Touya couldn’t surpass All Might and he tried to get Touya to give up his ambitions so that he would stop hurting himself. I think this is where Enji’s drive to have a kid to surpass All Might started to take over his love for his family. I want to comment more on this part, but I think I’ll have to wait until the full chapter comes out. I’ll add an edit when I read it. It’s a painful, sad page regardless and I want to cry 😢.

Edit: Ok, I’ve read the translations for this page and it’s still not entirely clear what “cruel idea” Rei and Enji are talking about here. The best I can take I can think from this is that Enji did think that having more kids would solve the problem; it would help Touya give up the idea of surpassing All Might. The panels get darker and darker too, which shows how dark all this has become.

Next, Natsuo is born and he was so ADORABLE!!! 💙 Fuyumi looked so happy to have a little brother ❤️ But, Touya looks devastated; like he’s been replaced again. My heart hurts so bad for this kid. All he wanted was his father’s attention, but Enji seemed to have moved on from him and had more kids instead. Almost like having more kids would solve the problem... ugh...

As time goes on, Enji gets angrier at All Might’s success (btw, seeing All Might drawn in his buff form again makes me nostalgic) and Rei becomes more fearful. The summary states that Rei stopped “looking” at Enji at some point. I think this is the point where Enji drive to create a perfect child completely took over his life and his family’s lives. Even so, I think we need an explanation of when exactly Enji snapped and changed into the abusive man we all knew and how that exactly came to be. We got hints in this chapter, but I think we need a full explanation.

AND SHOTO WAS BORN HE WAS BABY 💙🥺😭 Crying into the world he came into like most newborns do. I want to love him and take care of him 💙💙💙 Look, Shoto’s my favorite character in the series and we need some good vibes in this depressing chapter, so please let me have this.

But, my god. The faces on Enji, Rei, and Touya are haunting. I honestly can’t really describe it. It’s just so unsettling. Enji looks like he’s glad he’s finally “created” the perfect child, Rei looks exhausted, and Touya is even more devastated than before. The panel lines are all distorted too which drives the mood home.

Touya continues to train on his own to prove himself to his father. He’s burning himself more and he looks like he’s loosing his mind. I’m not exaggerating; Touya actually looks like he’s going crazy. Enji is tying to convince Touya that they’re more to the world than being a hero like playing with his siblings and making friends at school. But, Touya can’t because, as he says, “I’m your son”. Despite Enji probably focusing primarily on getting ready to train Shoto at this point, he still cared enough about Touya to where he wanted him to have a life outside of heroism. Though that could also be because, again, he’s turned his focus on Shoto instead (this family is a mess). And Touya being so driven to have his father pay attention to him is heartbreaking. No kid should have to go through this.

And then he activates his Quirk to attack baby Shoto. Lil’ Fuyumi’s protecting Lil’ Natsuo and Rei is holding onto Lil’ Shoto 😭. Rei wants to help cool him down with her Quirk, but Touya “fire” Enji lit can’t be put out. Touya’s too far gone. He even stops calling Enji “father”; he says “look at me, Endeavor” instead. Everything about this makes me sad, man. Touya’s love for his father turned into what he thought was abandonment, which turned into mad jealousy for his baby brother. Though Enji did light Touya’s fire, it was Touya himself who ultimately drove himself insane. Touya helped create Dabi, it wasn’t all Enji Todoroki’s doing.

And finally, the flashback ends with Rei stating that Enji isn’t the only who’s suffered, but he’s also not the only one who didn’t look at Touya. This implies that Rei shares the blame for letting Touya turn into Dabi. I do wonder what Rei didn’t do that helped Touya’s transformation. I doubt she neglected him entirely, but maybe she wasn’t paying attention to him as much because of her other kids and her declining mental state. I can’t comment on this very much with the lack of details, but i do hope things get answered soon.

Edit: I’ve thought about this a bit more. Rei was/is a good mother and she’s a badass in her own right. She never meant to harm her kids. But, based on that dark panel before about Enji thinking of a way to get Touya to give up the idea of being a hero, Rei did agree to Enji’s plan in the end. She decided to have more kids with him until they got the perfect child in Shoto. Why did she agree, we don’t know. That detail isn’t there just yet. I bet we’ll get it in Pt. 2. Again, Rei isn’t a bad person, but she did play a part in Touya’s downfall. Which, of course, makes things all the more sad.

Lastly, it’s stated that Rei came from a prestigious and noble family called Himura. It’s a small detail, but it’s shows that Shoto and his siblings basically came from royalty. Ha, Shoto really is a prince 👑! It would explain those damn good Todoroki genes 😳😍. Oh, and the kanji for “Hi” in Himura means icicle, ice, hail, freeze, etc. so Horikoshi’s playing with names again.

Quick Edit: Turns out this part with Rei’s maiden name is actually at the VERY BEGINNING of the chapter LOL. Either the image leaks got scrambled or the summary found this panel last. Whoops...

Hoo boy, I think that’s it. Really heavy chapter full of more layers and details about the Todoroki family that we didn’t get before. This is honestly one of the best storylines in the series and I’m so glad to see it come back to the forefront again. Horikoshi has handled this particular story so, so damn well I can’t help but be impressed. I think, ultimately, the Todoroki family fell apart and became more and more tragic over time. Amazingly, it wasn’t entirely Enji’s fault like we originally thought. Yes, he was a big reason as to why everything happened the way it did. His redemption does not excuse his years of abuse and neglect towards Shoto, Rei, and Touya especially. But, Touya and maybe even Rei had a part in this. I hope whatever Rei did or didn’t do isn’t so bad that we immediately put her into a bad light. I hope it boils down to “she’s human”. Though, Touya did ultimately drive himself to insanity. He didn’t accept his father’s suggestion to stop training. He only pushed himself further to the point of jealousy. God, he tried to kill baby Shoto at one point. We can dissect this family’s story for months and still find something new. This chapter was called “Mischief of Fire - Part 1″ which means we’re definitely getting more. I’m going to sit here and process all this in the meantime. Anyone got any ice cream to go with my tears and pain from BNHA angst?

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firefly464 · 4 years

Text

The Real World - Chapter 13

"Oh Im gonna take a small break and go easy on this chapter :D" - me the other day. i then proceeded to write the longest chapter so far for no god damn reason.

ALSO YAY COOL SYMBOLISM IN THIS ONE

Thank you @i-have-this-now for helping me with transitions because im a complete mess Thank you to @rivys for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

~~~

“They WHAT?!” Wilbur yelled, wheeling around to stare at the teenager behind him.

“They uh, they’re going to try and bring our Tommy and Dream back?” Tubbo repeated, taking a step back. “Is that bad…?” Hadn’t this been what Wilbur wanted? For their own Tommy to come home? Why was he acting so aggressive about it?

“Yes that's bad! Thats really fucking bad! Not Tommy obviously, but Dream?! Tubbo, Dream could come and break the peace treaty. He might start a whole new war, just out of spite. I cant… We can’t do that again. We just don’t have the resources.”

Tubbo paled as he realized what Wilbur was saying. Yes, they might have a chance to bring Tommy home, but at what cost? They would have to go back to living in fear, terrified that at any moment, Dream would come up behind them and try to kill one of them. He took another step back, shaking his head. He couldn’t go back to living like that. He just couldn’t.

Wilbur walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, crouching slightly so that he was at eye level. “Tubbo, I need you to tell me something, and I need you to tell me the truth. Where are they going?” Tubbo shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. On one hand, he had promised Tommy that he was going to help him get home. He had given his word. But on the other, he couldn’t go back to living in constant fear. He just couldn’t. “The eastern dark woods…” he muttered, trying to push away the guilt that gnawed at him. He had to do this. For his friends. He had no choice.

“Got it.” Wilbur stood to full height, his eyes set and determined. “Go get your things together. We’ve got quite the trip ahead of us.”

~~~

“You can’t be serious. This is all you have? Why are there- why the hell do you have so many buckets? How on earth are you going to carry them?” George shook his head as he looked over the meager pile of supplies that Dream had gathered.

Dream just shrugged as he rolled up the bedroll he had found in one of the chests. “You never know what might happen. I’m just trying to be prepared.”

“Right. So you decided the best way to be prepared was to pack 3 buckets, but not pack any food or actual fresh water. You don’t even have a flint and steel!”

A snort of laughter sounded from behind them. Dream turned to see Tommy, snickering to himself quietly. When the teenager noticed that they were looking at him, he wiped the grin off his face and stood up straight, trying to look serious. It didn’t work.

“You know, you could be actually helping instead of just standing there and laughing,” Dream remarked.

“Aw, but where's the fun in that? It’s much more entertaining to sit back and watch you struggle.”

“Oh really? I would love to see you do a better job.” He clipped the bedroll to the base of his pack.

Tommy stepped forward with a smug grin. “Ok, I will, since I’m just so cool and awesome. First off, you need coal for torches and shit. Second, toss the buckets out. You’re not going to be pulling any epic mlg moves here. That's just not how physics work.” Dream grumbled to himself as he took the buckets out of the pile.

“Shut up, both of you!” George cried out, bringing the bickering to a halt. “Clearly neither of you have any idea what's going on or what to do. So instead of arguing, why don’t you just listen to me and do what I tell you to do. We’re on a timer, aren’t we?”

Dream and Tommy looked down guilty. They had forgotten about the 48 hour limit, and had ended up falling back into their carefree habits. “Right, sorry.” Tommy said.

“Alright, Dream, I want you to go and gather some water. Once you’ve got a bucket full, I want you to boil it and bottle it. We can’t have you getting sick from dirty water. Tommy, go and gather some wheat. We don’t need too much, just enough to make enough bread for if we can’t find any animals. I’m going to go and get the horses saddled.” George’s voice was calm as he explained what each of them was going to do. The other two nodded and quickly rushed out of the room.

~~~

“Alright I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve never rode a horse before. I’ve got no fucking idea what I’m doing,” Tommy admited as he tried to find his balance atop the large animal. The three of them had gathered up all of their materials rather quickly, and were now on their way towards the forest. “Seriously, how the fuck do people do this?”

“By shutting up and not complaining.” Dream seemed to have figured out how to ride his horse pretty quickly, and was now spending his time taunting the younger teenager.

“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t so damn annoying, I would have less to complain about.”

"C'mon, Tommy, hurry up. The sun's setting." George said, while Tommy almost fell off his horse.

The three of them rode across the rough wilderness, as the moon rose slowly along the horizon. This was going to be a long night.

~~~

“We can stop here to make camp for the night,” George said as they came across a small clearing. The three of them had been traveling for hours now, and found themselves in the middle of a birch forest.

"Eugh, birch. This is literally the worst kind of wood." Dream said jokingly.

"Agreed." Tommy nodded.

"What? Oh come on, birch isn't that bad." George relatiated as he set up a fire.

"What?" Dream laughed. "George, have you seen these trees?"

"Dream, they're just trees. Plus, we aren't gonna be here for long. We'll keep travelling as soon as the sun rises." George rolled his eyes.

“Ughhhh, really?! But that’s so early!”

“Tommy, shut up. Stop acting like a child. You’re just lucky that we found a place to stop at all.” George handed both Dream and Tommy a couple of torches. “Here, set these up along the perimeter. The last thing we need is a bunch of mobs trying to kill us while we sleep.”

Both Dream and Tommy stared at him in shock.

“What? Do you guys not have mobs in your world?”

“Wha- No of course we don’t! I didn’t think that they were actually real here, holy shit…” Dream exclaimed.

“Damn… A world where you don’t have to worry about getting eaten alive in the middle of the night. That honestly sounds really nice.” he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Never mind that right now. I need you guys to set up the torches.”

~~~

The sound of a netherite blade slicing through the air echoed across the quiet forest. It had been several hours since they had set up camp, and Dream had long since given up on sleep. The events of the day had played over and over in his mind, making it impossible to close his eyes. And so, he had quietly gotten up and snuck away to a small open area where he could practice.

Over the past week, he had found that practicing sword fighting helped him to calm down. The simple, repetitive motions helped to quiet the intrusive thoughts that continued to plague him. He had started to grow quite reliant on it to stay sane. Maybe, when he finally got home, he would join a fencing class.

If he got home. No. No he couldn’t think like that. Pessimism wouldn’t get him anyone. He needed to trust Tubbo and Wilbur. They were going to get him and Tommy home. They had to.

“You know, you’ve really gotten a lot better,” said a voice from behind him. A squeal of surprise was torn from Dream’s throat as he spun around, his sword at the ready. “Pffft, what on earth was that?” George stepped out from the shadows of the trees into the light of the torches that Dream had set up.

Dream placed a hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. “Jesus man, you scared me. What the hell was that about?”

The shorter man chuckled as he stepped further into the light. “Gotta keep you on your toes. What's the point of learning how to fight if you’re not constantly aware?” He drew his own sword and held it out in the form of a challenge.

“You are actually the worst,” he said, raising his own sword in response.

With a grin, George rushed forward in attack. Dream raised his sword to block the incoming strike, allowing his instincts to take over. He had learned that if he simply didn’t think about what he was doing, he often did quite well. And so he let his mind go blank, instead focusing on surroundings. The stars, the leaves, the trees, even the man before him was all taken in as they sparred.

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” George asked, most likely hoping to distract his opponent.

Dream only shrugged as he feigned an attack at his friend's leg, only to come up and create a small cut on his cheek. “Couldn’t sleep. I was hoping that doing some practice would help calm me down.”

“And? How's your success rate?”

“Well it was pretty good, until you arrived and scared me half to death.”

“Aww, I didn’t realize compliments scared you so much.”

“Yes, I’m quite shy.” Dream couldn’t help but grin.

As the two of them joked back and forth, they continued their little duel. It had been going for a couple minutes now, and they seemed to be at a bit of a stand still. A rush of pride surged through him. In roughly a week, he had gone from completely and totally useless to actually able to defend himself. Now, he just needed to set himself apart.

His mind began working overtime, analysing every small detail. Quickly, he reached back with his free hand and pulled out a loaded crossbow. George’s face transformed into surprise when he saw the weapon. The bolt flew past his face, only just barely grazing the side of his head.

Dream quickly threw the weapon aside and pressed his advantage. Suddenly, the favor was tipped towards Dream. George was unbalanced, startled by the use of the crossbow. Still, he managed to raise his sword just in time to block another strike.

With his free hand, Dream reached into one of the pouches around his waist and pulled out a small sphere, roughly the size of a marble. With a slight squeeze, the sphere expanded to the size of a baseball. While George was distracted with blocking the strike towards his face, Dream tossed the sphere behind him. With a crash, the sphere shattered against the ground.

Suddenly, Dream appeared behind George in a shower of purple. With a sweep of his foot, his friend came falling to the ground. With a final motion, he held the sword above his throat, his green eyes bright with exhilaration and delight.

“Alright alright, you win. I surrender,” George said with a laugh.

“Did you see that?! That was so cool! Oh my god that was so awesome!” Dream exclaimed as he helped George to his feet. “That was so damn cool!!” he started jumping around the small clearing in excitement.

“How did you even do that? I’ve never seen someone use a crossbow in the middle of a sword fight before”

“I’ll be honest, I’ve got no idea. I have no idea what the hell I just did. I just know that it was cool as fuck!”

He shook his head, chuckling as he watched his friend dance around the area. George had never seen Dream show any sort of emotion before, much this level of excitement. Even though he knew the reasons why, he couldn’t help but feel a bit weirded out by it. Watching the pure joy flash across Dream’s face was strange. Still, it was nice. “You are such a dork”

He only responded with a wide grin.

A thought flashed through George’s mind, causing him to frown slightly. Dream stopped his playful jumping and walked over, his eyes now filled with concern. “Hey, you alright?” He asked. “Oh shit, you’re bleeding! Hold on I’ve got a few bandages on me I think…”

As Dream pulled out a couple white bandages from his bag, George let out a slight chuckle. “Do you even know how to use those?”

“Uhhh, not really? I’m sure I can figure it out. How hard can it be?”

He wasn’t impressed. With a roll of his eyes, George held out his hand for the bandages “Here, just let me do it. It doesn’t really hurt, I think it's just a small cut. Probably just needs to be cleaned.” Taking a bottle of water from his bag, he quickly wet the bandage and started to clean the blood from his face.

Dream pouted. “Well what if I wanted to help?”

“Then you can go and wash the blood out of these,” George said, tossing him the now stained bandages. “No point in wasting perfectly good bandages because of a small cut.”

He caught them easily, but otherwise didn’t move. “Nope. Not until you tell me whats wrong.

The brunette cursed under his breath. Since when had he been so easy to read? “I uh, I was just thinking about… Stuff,” he waived his hand vaguely.

“You wanna talk about it?” Dream plopped down onto the grass and patted the ground next to him. “Here, take a seat.”

He sat.

“Spill.”

“I’m just… Worried, I guess? I mean, in a few days, you’re going to be gone and… the other Dream will be back. I guess I’m just scared about what he's gonna do.”

The smile faded from Dream’s face as he considered what to say. “What was he like?” he asked after a few seconds. “The other me, I mean.”

“He was… Scary. All he cared about was the thrill of the hunt. The mask made it impossible to tell what he was ever thinking, which made it ten times worse. Of course, it only covered his eyes and nose, so that you could still see his grin.” He shuddered. “I watched as he blew up the gates of L’manberg with a massive smile on his face.”

“So then… why did you follow him in the first place?”

“I had no choice. When Sapnap and I showed up, he was the only other person here. It was either join him or be left out to die to the mobs. After a while I guess I just didn’t realize how cruel he was. He was a good leader, and super charismatic. Not to mention a really good actor. By the time the war started… I guess I just trusted him, if that makes sense. He had kept me alive ‘till then, so why would anything change?”

Dream nodded. He wasn’t going to pretend like he understood what his friend had gone through, but he could still try and help in his own way. “He taught you sword fighting, how to survive. You felt like you were indebted to him, right?”

“Yeah… Pretty much. God, its so stupid! I should have been able to realize how messed up he was. Why the hell did I not realize?!” He took off his round sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tight. “I was so fucking stupid.”

Hesitantly, Dream reached over and placed a hand on his friends back, trying to comfort him. “Hey, that’s not stupid. You’d be surprised at how easily our minds can trick us into thinking we’re doing the right thing. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's not your fault.” A stab of guilt shot through him. He had been the one to add George onto the server. If he had waited a bit, would things have been different? Maybe if he had acted differently on stream, or not sent the declaration of war, maybe things would have turned out different. The other Dream might have turned out to be a decent guy, not someone that people trembled before and feared.

“I should have been smarter… I should have joined Sapnap when he went off on his own.”

The weight of George’s words finally sunk in. The other Dream was a monster, a killer. He was the living, breathing version of the mask Dream sometimes wore in his videos. The act of someone who enjoyed the hunt, and nothing more. These past two weeks had been peaceful and calm compared to what everyone had normally lived through, and it was all because the monster was finally gone. But now… now they were about to bring him back. They were about to bring everyone’s worst nightmare back to life.

What choice did they have? It was either that, or let the entire world get destroyed. Either way, the other Dream was about to ruin people’s lives. He sighed. “It's going to be alright, ok? We’ll figure something out, I promise. You’re not going to go back to living like that. I promise.”

Now, it was just a matter of keeping that promise.

~~~

Master Post

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#alright can i just say #im so proud of that sparring scene #it turned out really cool in my opinion and i really like it #Tubbo_#tubbolive #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #dreamwastaken #dream team #dreamsmp #sapnap #georgenotfound #The Real World #The Real World AU #my writing #fanfiction #l'manberg #tommyinnit

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alightwhendarknessfell · 3 years

Text

Black Veil Conspiracy Time

So I've noticed something with Andy's costumes for the TPT era videos/photoshoots. He's always wearing a garter around his thigh but the color of it keeps changing. I'm starting to think there is significance to it considering how detailed Andy is with his outfits (especially in this era).

I first noticed it in the Scarlet Cross music video where it's red. I figured it might just be part of the black/red color scheme but then it appeared in all the photoshoots. Then all of a sudden (around the time they started posting the pool photo shoots) it's white. Then in the Torch teaser, it's black (with a red suit, so the reverse of the black suit/red garter).

I wanna hear people’s theories on it and I’ve got a few myself. I'm hoping that with the album/comic release we'll find out what it actually means but until then I thought it might be fun to hear what everyone else thinks it could symbolize.

(Disclaimer: These are just my interpretations of what it could mean and is just meant for fun.)

Theory 1: Religious/Historical Meaning: Garters are traditionally worn by brides and have come to have different purposes/meanings. Given the name of the band is Black Veil Brides it could just be an easter egg type thing or it might have a symbolic meaning.

The garter originated because people believed having a piece of a bride's dress was good luck. That led to bridal parties ripping a brides' dress off in an attempt to get a piece of good luck or to help "consummate" the marriage. In order to prevent this, the tradition of the garter toss started. Giving someone a "piece" of the dress spared the bride. Andy could be wearing it to symbolize the idea of giving a part of himself to the fans/world through Black Veil's music. Much in the same way brides used to toss their garter as a way to appease the wedding guest and keep from having the rest of their clothes ripped off it could be his way of saying "here I will give you this (the music/band)". With the expectation being that in sharing that part of himself he will be allowed to keep the rest of himself private. Andy is a pretty private person when it comes to his daily life, but being "famous" makes that hard.

Another meaning of the garter goes back to the importance placed on the bride being pure (aka a virgin). The expectation was that on the wedding night the groom would "deflower" the bride. The families also placed a great deal of importance on this and the garter was often used as "proof" that the marriage was consummated. Thus tying it to the idea of purity/loss of innocence. If you listen to Black Veil/Andy Black's discography there is a recurrent theme in the songs of innocence, specifically of lost innocence. I think Andy could have incorporated it due to this meaning which would also tie into the religious themes of the TPT era. The changing color (see next point) is also what makes me think this might be closer to the meaning behind it. Andy was 18 when he moved to Hollywood which is still very much a teenager. Before his 20th birthday, he was touring the world, signing major record deals, and basically forced to grow up very fast. There's no end to people waiting to take advantage of young, impressionable, and starry-eyed kids in order to use them for personal gain. I mean how many childhood stars end up fucked up as a result of their early fame, then have to navigate their way back to who they really are. Andy's spoken quite a bit over the last few years about how he kind of fell victim to the "rock n' roll lifestyle" during his early years. I think the "loss of innocence" he's possibly referring to is the blissful ignorance that kids/young adults have about the world. Once you learn how ugly the world can be (whether that's the music industry, fame, or the world in general) that childhood innocence starts to go away.

You can't get it back, and although it's replaced with knowledge and better judgment, I think a lot of us miss the carefreeness of childhood. If this is the meaning behind the garter then I think the color change really deepens it.

Theory 2: Color Meaning: Red -> white -> black I think this has to mean something. Red could symbolize being tainted in some way, whether that be shame, sin, the idea of having "blood on your hands", crime/blasphemy, etc. The fact that the red garter appears in Scarlet Cross, a song about being branded with a scarlet cross as punishment, I think makes this more likely. The lyrics almost explicitly state this idea "A symbol for my shame, the color of your name, its how they see you break, and live with my mistakes". The red garter could be his way of saying there is some sin he feels the need to atone for. Alternatively that he feels he's being accused of a crime/sin. If you read up on The Scarlet Letter there are several parallels to the TPT storyline as it's been revealed so far. I think at least the song was influenced by the pop-culture idea of a "scarlet letter".

The change in color to white (generally seen as good, holy, pure, etc) could mean that whatever sin or transgression has been committed has been absolved. As we saw the red garter in Scarlet Cross, I think it's interesting we see the white garter in an abandoned pool. Pool = water and water is cleansing. This might be a coincidence but it's interesting nonetheless. I do think that the white garter is supposed to symbolize whatever "bad" thing the red meant being forgiven/cleansed.

Which leads us to the black garter. The fact that we first see the black garter in the Torch teaser which appears to be set in a graveyard makes me think it symbolizes death. Interestingly, I believe he wore a version of the red garter that had a black stripe on it which could have been foreshadowing. There is also an inversion of Scarlet Cross where he wore a black suit with red accents, now he is in a red suit with black accents. Andy said that the four music videos represent a story within the TPT world and this could play into it. However, I don't think the "death" meaning is necessarily bad. It could be, but since it was proceeded by white, it might mean that since whatever sin has been absolved he is now free to let it die. Death could symbolize freedom. The teaser made me think back to the Coffin music video which featured Andy closing the lid on his "Andy Six" persona but left the question as to was he really dead.

We'll have to see what Torch brings but I feel that the garter and its color could play into a wider theme of closing a very long chapter in his life/the band's. Since this comes at the start of a new era, before the album I think it might be a way to transition into that new era. The last album, Vale, was a very dark album. Andy has spoken about how horrible of a place he and the band were in (due to reasons I think we now all know given the events of 2019/2020). I have a feeling this new era represents freedom from what was haunting them, past mistakes, etc. The lyrics for Feilds of Bone speak to this idea in my opinion.

Theory 3: Other: There is meaning in The Phantom Tomorrow world and that will be revealed in the album/comic. It might have a personal meaning for Andy or he just thought it was cool and a way to color coordinate. Alternately he's just be fucking with us for fun lol.

I hope you all enjoyed my conspiracy ramblings because I've had a lot of fun thinking up different meanings. Shout out to Andy for creating such interesting looks and for his creativity. I'm loving all the hidden messages, cryptic posts, and mystery surrounding this album. I'm so incredibly excited for it to come out. Feel free to send in your own theories or anything else you've noticed so far!

#black veil brides #bvb #the phantom tomorrow #TPT #andy black #andy biersack #andy six #blackveilbrides

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theficplug · 4 years

Text

|Next Lifetime|Erik Killmonger|

previous chapters : Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

erik killmonger x black reader

|part 4|

warnings: um definitely smut this chapter at the end. so 18+ for this chapter! and a possible trigger warning for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom.

synopsis: reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). This one is a long ass chapter. So, grab you a snack and something to drink! I hope y’all like it.

“You promised on our birthday that you would give me something far more special than the charms you would gift to me. In 2018, you wanted to avenge your birth parents and you went off and did something foolish and when you- when they returned you to me you were-.” you struggle for a bit to find the words to explain it all to him as he takes a step back to gather himself.

He rubs his eyes before grabbing your arms gently and massaging them . He leans down to look you in your eyes before asking “Ma, did you take something before I came to pick you up? You alright? Cause what you saying don’t make no sense at all... Your pupils don't look dilated though.”

“I know how this must sound. Batshit crazy. I know it sounds crazy to me too. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m losing my own damn mind. I don’t know how or why. I just know that you came back to me.” you say to him and he shakes his head.

“Erik. You’re talking about your ex boyfriend...The one that passed... . Alright, I’m going to take you home now... I still don’t understand what’s going on here and I’ve had about all I can take of trying to understand what’s going on here.” N’Jadaka says quietly to you before going around and opening your car door.

The drive was silent as you picked at your nails and let the soft r&b roll over the tension between the two of you.

Your own thoughts were going in about a billion different directions again. It didn’t feel right to just sit on all of that and not say anything at all. As ripped from a science fiction film as it sounded at least he knows.

He was never one to think quietly because you could practically read his thoughts with the changing of expressions across his face.

The relief of seeing your building washed over you as he offered to walk you to your door.

It was bittersweet because there was still so much of him in this different version of him. Even when he was upset with you or livid with whatever ghost that was haunting him back then, he still showed nothing but tenderness to you.

You nod and give him a small smile before following him up the stairs , to your elevator, and finally your door.

“I know that this is a lot. I mean who in their right mind would be able to process all of that.I wish there was any other way to say it... But thank you, I had a really nice time.” your soft words snap him out of staring at your face as if he was trying to piece it all together.

He knew deep down that there was something about you and what happened that weekend while dreaming in colours and other worlds but he couldn’t wrap his head around all of this happening in real life.

You lean up to kiss his cheek and he grabs your shoulders softly. “With all due respect. You seem like a lovely person and a good woman, but I just - this all a lil too weird for me and I don’t think it’s a good idea that we continue seeing each other.”

He kisses your hand and leaves with one look over your shoulder as you call out “Meet me at our spot. If you are still anywhere in there. You’ll know what I mean.”

“What the hell happened ? I didn’t expect you back until tomorrow morning?” Iri says as she settles on the other side of the sofa and patted the spot next to her as you kick off the sandals and lay your head on her lap with tears already prickling your eyes.

“Oh you didn’t? Please don’t tell me you told him about the soulmate reincarnation thing? Sweets, you probably scared the hell out of that man. We needed you to keep that waaay down in the vault.” Tiki adds as she pops the cork off the bottle of wine in her hand and pauses the movie playing on the screen in the background.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do . You’re gonna text him and tell him that you had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed earlier today and the meds had you unexpectedly zooted as fuck. “ Iri suggests and you chuckle softly.

---

Meanwhile at N’Jadaka’s house he was already being pestered by Lina and Penn for some type of details about what happened during the date. Orleans was already in the kitchen cooking and ear hustling but went back to his conversation on the phone with Big Mike when he realized there wasn’t any tea.

“I don’t feel good. I’m finna go lay down. I’ll talk to y’all in the morning”. He says simply to them before trudging his way to his part of the house.

They had been friends since college and just got used to the idea of living together as they did in the dorms so they made it work after graduation.

It helped them save money for when they finally separated and all of their schedules kept them busy so they didn't have time to get sick of each other. They also knew him well enough to know when something was bothering him and to leave him alone when he gets this moody.

"What the fuck?" He whispered under his breath

"What the fuck was all that?" He continues talking to himself as he strips and walks past the bathroom mirror to the shower.

He stops when something catches his eye. He sees a birthmark on his chest that almost resembles the shape of claw marks. He lets his fingers linger over the mark for a second. Thoughts of a panther mask clouded his memories for a moment before he shook his head and entered the shower.

---

A few hours later of talking through it with your girls about possibly seeing a therapist about all that's going on and you were ready for bed.

It didn't take long to drift off, you were ready to put the whole thing behind you.

The familiar setting of purples , pinks, and hues of blue came into focus and you looked around letting the butterflies land on you again.

You walk through the flowers and find Erik sitting by a stream of water weaving some of the flowers together.

"What the hell, E?" You ask as you run over to him and wrap your arms around his neck

He turns to you and smiles big , his dimples on full display before shrugging.

"It ain't perfect but it's the best I could do. They said it's like a do-over or something like that. I get a second chance but as a result of the way I did things the first time it's a lil different. Like when you restore a computer and it lose all it's files and shit. I get a new life but I'm still kinda stuck. I kinda like it though. I don't remember all the other shit when I'm awake. It really is like starting over. Shits crazy to explain when you think about it. But for you , you already know. I'd find you in this life and the next and the one after that. I don’t think I’mma ever fully remember what happened with all of that when i’m awake. I’m cool with it. It ain’t something I’m tryna remember." He says tipping your chin up to look at you and kissing you softly

"I know. At least I get to hold you in the real world. It's just different. But guess what I saw today? I seen that bench that you and me signed all them years back. It's still there." You say to him and he places the lil flower bracelet around your wrist as y'all sit and talk for the rest of the night.

By the time you wake up with the aroma of breakfast wavering throughout the loft you feel a little better about the whole situation with Erik, not Erik.

You opened your phone and sent him an I'm sorry gif with a few extra words inspired by Tina's wisdom tooth lie.

After easing into the kitchen and standing in the doorway you see the two lovebirds dancing around the kitchen singing to each other and laying food on the plates.

"Morning lil sleepy head. Don't forget that I'll still be coming down to the center with you today for the seminar. You hungry?" Iris asks as she places the plate in your hands with a kiss to the top of the head.

"Of course. There's a young girl, Sophie there that I really think would love to talk to you. She's just starting her transition. And her parents are wonderful but they don't really have much money. She hasn't really had the chance to get more “feminine” presenting clothes and she likes makeup. " You say and she nods catching your drift.

"Well it'd brighten anybody's day seeing a beautiful successful trans woman like myself honey. But let's lift her spirits even more. I'm gonna bring some of the makeup I got from pr packages and some of the clothes from this collection. I really hope it helps." She answers and Tika just saunters over to her proclaiming her love for her.

"Alright alright alright. I get it. I'm single as hell." You say laughing softly

---

Two weeks ticked by with radio silence on N'Jadaka's end. After the 4th day when he gave you the cold shoulder at a coffee shop, you decided to stop trying.

Maybe it wasn't fate and maybe you were just believing what you wanted to believe.

You reason with yourself as you walked around the loft making notes about the new housing project you were working on.

Finally having the house to yourself with the lovebirds gone for the day on a little adventure. You got to work budgeting and calling different areas to rent out apartments to you for women and lgbtq+ with housing insecurities.

Your ramblings and thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door , thinking that Iri or Tika left something behind.

"I told you to take your sunscre- Daka?" You question as he stands in front of you

You cross your arms and furrow your brows while waiting for an answer from him.

He stands for a moment like he’s trying to gather all of his thoughts together in a way that makes sense to both of you.

"What're you doing here?" You ask putting your hand on your hip.

He drops his shoulders and lets out a soft sigh before looking at you.

"I didn't wanna believe it. What you said that night cause like how the fuck does something like that happen? I’mma be honest. I wanted to just believe that you were a lil off and leave it at that but something keeps telling me that you right. I can't remember shit before college and all I wanted to do was be with you. From the moment I met you in the store. I was like, this is it. This is what's missing. A piece to a puzzle that's all jumbled up." He admits and you nod slowly before letting him in.

You walk around the kitchen getting a cup of tea for yourself and sitting a cup of coffee down on the counter for him.

“Don’t worry it’s black, I know you dont like it sweet.”

"You know I didn't exactly expect my fiancee that I buried months before to show up at a damn supermarket of all places. This isn't some movie or fanfiction. These kind of things don't happen in real life. Daka you, you had claw marks all over you. The last time I laid eyes on you. And now you're here in front of me. I thought that I was losing my mind." You say and he starts to unbutton his shirt.

"These." He says peeling his shirt off and showing you the birthmarks on his chest and shoulder.

You trace your fingers over it before leaning your head on his shoulder.

"I asked my parents about my childhood and when I passed by my old neighborhood a few days ago andI remembered some things. I remember what happened to my other parents, in pieces. Shit’s brutal." He says dropping his gaze

"It's okay." You whisper to him and wrap your arms around him. You rocked him for a moment letting him let all of those feelings wash over him.

He embraced you for a moment before kissing you tenderly. You tug at his bottom lip before deepening the kiss when he press you against the counter.

"We'll figure it out... Something telling me I'd be a fuckin fool to lose you again." He says quietly against yours lips.

"Are you gonna make love to me or are you going to keep looking at me like that?" You ask as he studies your whole face like he's looking at art.

"A memory. It's you. We stood right here and I kissed you the same way. You were saying something like "you bring yourself home to me"." He says and you nod frantically, holding him closer to you.

"I did. It was right before you left." You admit and he nods before lifting you up onto the counter and kissing you heatedly this time. He kisses down to your breasts before looking up at permission from you to unhook your bra.

Always a man that knows what he's doing. He takes kisses around your breasts and nipples. He takes his time to lick and caress you until he works his way down.

You shake your head yes before moving to slide off your panties but his kisses and his mouth is already beating you to it as he kisses down to your thigh.

He slides your panties off with his teeth and tosses them over his shoulder.

You tilt your head back as you feel him wasting no time massaging over your clit and working you over with his fingers, curling them and stroking you gently.

Your soft moans fill the room when he hooks your leg over his shoulder and begins to suckle your clit softly , swirling his tongue over it.

"Tika will kil- Ooh god. How does your tongue feel like it's vibrating?" You ask and he only chuckles and grips onto your cheeks to bring you closer to him.

He was feasting on and devouring you like he was going to lose again and you could grind your hips down against his tongue and moan his name sweetly.

He didn't stop his tongue or fingers working in you until your legs are shaking and you're gripping at his head.

"You have- fuck. I'm a squir-" you moan his name brokenly while trying to get out your words and lean back for a moment licking his lips before realizing what you're trying to say.

"Hold that for me. I wanna come with you." He says to you and you pout and protest as he removes his fingers. He picks you up off the counter and carries you bridal style asking you which room is yours.

"Left , left." You giggle into his shoulder as he helps you slide your dress off and you unbutton his jeans for him.

You capture him in a kiss for a moment feeling his soft plump lips against yours again for the first time in what feels like forever.

"It's been a long time since I've done all of this. . . Gentle." You say and he runs a calloused finger over your cheek moving a curl away from your face as he looks at you.

He gets a quick flash of a memory of you and him in bed. You wore a smile on your face before telling him "happy anniversary".

He trailed his fingers down your body remembering almost every scar , every moment.

When Erik got to a scar at your side. He chuckled, unlocking a memory of you two running from the neighborhood rottweiler , Smokey.

That old ass dog hated you and he hoisted you over the fence first after being out late one night in high school. The gate had caught your side when you jumped.

Erik felt so bad he brought you food from anywhere you wanted everyday from to school for a month.

He leans down to place open mouthed kisses to it.

He traced over your thighs to the cellulite and stretch marks remembering when you first got them.

He was moving homes at the time and he wasn't ready to be further away from you yet. You two just sat for hours at the park in the grass, talking.

" You know white men behind all of that anyways. They want y'all to feel like you gotta look the same way. That's how they make them billions. My mama had 'em . Yo mama , and generations back. And it ain't ever stop them from being the women they are. Besides if any dirtneck nigga ever try you , just tell me. Imma handle it." He would say as you sat with your head on his lap, staring at the sun setting, knowing good and well your grandparents were gonna ground you for being late when you get home.

They never did though cause you were with Erik they knew you were gonna be alright.

"Nothing to worry about. I… I've never done any of that stuff before…Have you?" you question hesitantly as you stare off.

"Tisha. From Ms. Wilkes class. We was coming from the kick back-"

"Uh uh . That's your business , you ain't gotta tell me all of that." You say slightly upset at the fact that Tisha of all people was his first.

----

"I got you." He says kissing your forehead then your nose before hooking your leg over his hip and easing into you slowly while his lips are still on yours. His eyes never left yours as he cupped your face sweetly like he didn't want to lose you again.

In this moment he gets a glimpse of prom night and how things changed between the both of you forever.

He wraps his hands around your waist. One of his hands splayed across your belly.

He remembers the pregnancy scare you both had afterwards with him holding your hand and telling you no matter what happens he wanna be there for both of you.

Luckily, nothing came of it but you were definitely closer because of it.

You let out an open mouthed gasp at the feeling of being so full of him after so long.

You rest your hands on his neck and shoulder and he bottoms out fully settling into you as he moves his arms next to balance himself.

You close your eyes as he begins to stroke into you trying to set a rhythm for you as his praises for you fall from his lips.

He kisses his way down your neck licking the marks that are already starting to form there.

"My lil baby." He mutters out after licking a freshly formed hickey forming on top of your breasts.

You open your eyes slowly , looking at him and the way he's looking at you .

"It's been way too long since I've heard that from you. You're remembering?" You ask quietly as you let out a soft moan.

N'Jadaka's muscles flex and tighten as he picks up his pace. His abs clenched as he pulls out almost completely and filled you at a different angle.

The sounds of your moans filling the room with every stride and stroke of his hips, it seems like you're closer to floating in space. The man was fucking you like his life depended on it and at this point all you could do is wrap your arms around him again to comfort you as he shutters and rolls his hips deeper into you. Your walls tighten around him as you relish in the feeling of him.

"Fuck. I remember all of it." He says half chuckling at the way it's coming to him and half nearly in tears cause he really missed being with you.

"I also remember that this is your favourite position cause you like to see my face." He teases before leaning down to kiss you again with them plump ass lips.

"E?" You ask , grabbing his face with trembling hands.

"Baby?" You ask again

He moves his hands from your waist and places your hands in his. Then moving them above your head as he flashes in between making love to you for the last time and now.

You roll over with him and place your hands on your chest riding him slowly getting the rhythm as he strokes into you from below.

He laughs softly when he realizes what you're doing.

"Are you spelling my fucking name , baby?" He asks and you tell him that you can spell both.

You let out a whimper when he brushes your spot and let him take over as he runs his hands over your thighs to your butt and over your back as he strokes into you.

He plants his feet on the bed and work your hips in rhythm with him.

It didn't take long for you to orgasm with a loud shriek of his name . You had forgotten how he gets when he's close as his hands on gripping all over your thighs and your back. You were already feeling sensitive with your second orgasm coming through and this man felt like he was trying to put it in your belly.

He rolls you onto your side giving it to you deeply.

With a loud hiss and panting from him he cums , holding you in his arms.

"I don't think it has felt like that since our birthday last year." He says into your ear as he pulls you closer into his arms.

He engulfs you fully in his embrace and presses a kiss to the side of your head.

You laugh softly and roll over to face him , resting your forehead against his.

"I remember. You took me to Paris. I had never been and at the time I was obsessed with everything Parisian. We fucked on the balcony and somehow I ended up popping the straps to my favorite dress. You still owe me by the way." You tease and he shakes his head laughing.

"I think we ended up saving they marriage from across the way though. They was arguing the whole time. Then they gon watch us like we ain't see them." Erik says laughing as he squeezes your thigh playfully.

"I know they was trying some things." You joke

"I missed you so much. You don't even understand." You admit with a somehow saddened and relieved expression.

"I know. I want to start over this time. All of that Erik Killmonger shit is over with. I wanna keep the name N'Jadaka and just start over. All of that was too heavy on me to carry. I wanna let it all go. I wanna do it right with you." He explains

"Good because if you put me through that again. Wakanda will be the least of your damn worries." You say to him and he nods giving you his word, sealed with a kiss.

"It'll be alright. Everything happens for a reason. And I think that right now a bath needs to happen and I'm gonna need you to do that thing again that you did in the kitchen cause I'm tryna figure out when you learned that-"

At some point after the bubble bath/ shower combo you were both out like a light until Iri and Tika decide to come busting in like they usually do with little gifts and food for you.

"Guess who's your fave- SHE GOT A WHOLEASS MAN IN HER BED" Iri announces to Tika before your pillow hits the door as she closes it.

"Sorry about that. This is kinda our cuddle hour so they're used to just coming on in." You say sleepily and he just laughs it off while holding you closer.

"It's all good. I remember that I ain't know them much before but when we did spend time with them, they were good people." He says, still trying to piece it together.

----

You fell asleep more peacefully than you had in a long time. Now granted, good sex didn't fix the many layers of issues and mysticism surrounding everything.

But for now, you knew that you had him, you had your girls, family and your business. Everything felt alright again.

Right up until the point of sleeping through the first alarm to meet the property owners.

"Bae. Bae your phone going off." N'Jadaka whispers in the dark room , voice still riddled with sleep and grogginess.

"Shit. Shit. I'm gonna be so late." You call out , quickly jumping out of bed and stumbling around the room.

It takes you about 25 minutes to speed through getting dressed in your best skirt suit.

N'Jadaka sits on the end of the bed putting on his shoes and watching you shuffle around.

He had offered to drive you there and stay with you and check out the property with you.

He slows you down by grabbing you by your arms gently and placing a kiss to your lips.

"Good morning, handsome. Let's go"

You walk through the living room with Iri and Tika already posted up in the kitchen placing two breakfast burritos in a container to grab and go.

You grab your things from the counter all while thanking them and jetting towards the door.

"Good luck pooh!" Tika calls after you.

"Byyyyeeee Dakaaaa" they call out after him

---

"Here it is . These are the apartments. I know they don't look like much now from the outside. But from the pictures it looks great. And they'll be safe and comfortable here-" you babble on to N'Jadaka while you both stand outside of the building where Erik grew up , until you notice two women walking to a car that clearly wasn't from this area.

You notice Shuri and your breath hitches in your throat.

Frozen in your anxiety, the seconds ticked by and it was too late to leave. She looked you dead in the eye and then at N'Jadaka like she had seen a ghost.

She gasped and Nakia followed the eyes before back into the car.

"SHURI WAIT - PLEASE" you yell out to them but the car was already speeding away.

tag list : @doublesidedscoobysnacks @chaneajoyyy @mirandkimy @doitforthevine67 @amyhennessyhouse @dasia21 @depressionandfandomsinc @sinfully-dope @ambitionwood @heybriheyyy @wholelotta-melanin @theesotericqueen @mbakuwife @spookys-girl @teardropzih @bigchoose @ceo-of-baby @sweetpeachjones @lost-ssoull @shyblackgurl @justpeachee @nijajoha @imayhavemisunderstood @beautifullmelodyxx @alookintohersoul @rbhp @champagnesugamama @just-peachee @almeda-344 @mahogany2021

#black panther #erik killmonger #black panther smut #erik killmonger smut #Erik killmonger x Reader #fanfic for black girls

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terramythos · 3 years

Text

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 18 of 26

Title: The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Wayfarers #1) (2014)

Author: Becky Chambers

Genre/Tags: Science Fiction, Third-Person, LGBT Protagonist, Female Protagonist

Rating: 6/10

Date Began: 7/14/2021

Date Finished: 7/23/2021

Rosemary Harper is running from her past. She decides to reinvent herself and joins a ragtag crew aboard the Wayfarer, a piecemeal yet beloved wormhole tunneling ship. Here she hopes to blend in among the crew and keep her secret. But when the Wayfarer is offered the contract of a lifetime, she and the crew embark on a dangerous long-haul journey to the center of the galaxy.

“We cannot blame ourselves for the wars our parents start. Sometimes the very best thing we can do is walk away.”

Content warnings and minor spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Non-graphic sexual content. Violence, death, and terminal illness. Recreational drug use. Descriptions of warfare and war crimes. Discussions of trauma. Brief mention of incest.

This is another book I really wanted to like more than I did. It’s the first in a critically acclaimed science fiction series with many elements I adore; found family, creative aliens, casual queer rep, and so on. But even though I enjoyed the book, I ended up feeling lukewarm about it overall.

One thing to get out of the way early: this book doesn’t have much of a plot. That’s not a criticism, but it’s something that might turn people off. Instead, The Long Way is episodic. There’s an opening premise and finale, but the meat of the book is devoted to smaller stories and encounters along the span of a year-long journey. While that might seem awkward in a novel format, I think Chambers does a good job tying the stories together. There are just enough subplots and end goal reminders to keep everything connected. Needless to say, the main focus of the book is on the characters and their relationships.

Probably my favorite aspect of the book are the alien concepts, particularly the ones that play around with gender in interesting ways. There’s the Grum, who are born female but transition to male as they age. The whole idea of Sianat Pairs is fascinating; I love that they use they/them pronouns not due to gender, but as an actual plural. They’re infected with a neurovirus so integral to their identity they consider it a part of themselves. I found that entire subplot morally complex and compelling. I wish gender stuff was explored with the human characters, but that might not have been possible in a 2014 publishing environment.

I also like the role of humans in the lore; often in stories with multiple sapient aliens a la Star Trek or Mass Effect, humans are super important. It’s refreshing to see a story where humans are a minor species. While several of the leads are human, I never felt like the alien crewmates were neglected in favor of them. The idea that humans split into two factions due to conflict on Earth and thus developed vastly different cultures is also cool. It’s not a huge part of this story, but I’d be interested in a deeper exploration of Martian versus Exodan humans.

The Long Way contains heavy infodumps. To some extent I understand this; it’s a unique science fiction world with a lot of detail baked in. I don’t mind exposition if it’s blended into the story or presented in an organic way. But here it’s hit or miss. One of the best chapters in the book, “The Last War”, is nothing but exposition delivered via dialogue. Dr. Chef tells Rosemary about his past and the destruction of his species. Even though it’s a ton of information, it’s emotional and harrowing. It works because Dr. Chef is an unexpected foil to Rosemary; both have sketchy pasts where people close to them committed horrible acts, and both decided to break away and reinvent themselves. But then there’s other chapters that dump lots of information on the reader without a good justification. For example, when we visit an Aandrisk planet, Sissix monologues for PAGES about the different family types her species has. That information is needed later in the chapter, but I wish the ideas were introduced elsewhere in the story for a natural payoff rather than suddenly thrown at the reader mere pages before it becomes relevant.

The big thing holding this book back for me is the characters, which is a significant problem in a character-focused story. There are nine crewmates on the Wayfarer, and I genuinely liked four of them--Sissix, Dr. Chef, Ohan, and Corbin. The first three are aliens with interesting backstories representative of their species. The human Corbin is an antisocial asshole who’s easy to hate, but goes through major character growth throughout the book. The rest of the crew I felt either neutral towards or outright disliked (I’m looking at you, Kizzy. Quirk for the sake of quirk, ugh).

Likability isn’t a requirement for a good character. But when character is the focus of a novel, a compelling personal conflict is essential. Yet many of the crew have generic arcs. There’s the woman fleeing her mysterious past. Not one but TWO men have an arc dedicated to forbidden love with a non-human entity. Another woman figures out that… other people experience fear? Almost all character tension gets solved right away with no lasting problems, which feels like a missed opportunity. For example, there’s a great setup with Sissix and Corbin. The two despise each other, but Sissix has to make a huge personal sacrifice to save Corbin’s life. Yet this has zero impact further into the story; nothing about their daily lives changes, and it’s barely brought up in future chapters. It’s not that the characters lack development, but any interesting depth or conflict gets resolved or brushed aside as soon as it happens. Or there’s an interesting idea that never pays off. The main exception to this is the Jenks/Lovey subplot, but that’s not surprising considering it’s setup for the next book.

I do have miscellaneous nitpicks as well. The writing contains lots of extraneous detail that isn’t relevant to the story. There are also some editorial issues— not the author’s fault, but still jarring. There’s an important transcript near the end with the wrong year on it, which made me page through the rest of the book in confusion until I realized it was a typo. (Nitpick of all nitpicks: no Oxford commas? Dear God, why?)

To be fair, I think the ending is pretty good, and dodges several of the problems I have with the rest of the book. It might be because stuff happens that has lasting consequences for the whole cast, something lacking elsewhere. I wish we saw more of the Toremi Ka before shit hit the fan, but I realize they weren’t the point of the book, despite acting as an antagonistic force. It’s a genuine, bittersweet conclusion to the novel, and I just wish the rest of the book gave me that feeling.

I feel like I’m being harsh in my review, because this book is… fine. I had fun reading it, and clearly a lot of people liked it more than I did. Perhaps I just expected more based on what I’d heard. That being said, I’m willing to give this series the benefit of the doubt. The Long Way is a debut novel, which could account for some of the issues I had. And apparently future books are standalones set in the same universe. Maybe different sets of characters will work better for me.

#2021 reading challenge #taylor reads #6/10 #MAN i hope i like the next book a little more lmao

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snkpolls · 3 years

Text

SnK Episode 68 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 146 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 140 Responses

The anime continues its positive streak with just over 90% of respondents rating the episode a 4 or 5. MAPPA appears to be blowing this season out of the water for most of us!

Noice

Good!

I liked it

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 144 Responses

We got a pretty mixed pie chart this week. To be expected, given how many moments were in this episode. At a tie with the largest pieces of the pie were Hange’s eccentric attempt to greet the Marleyans and Eren’s gunshot figuratively hitting Sasha. Behind that two more options tied in each with 10.4% of the vote - EMA’s conversation at the shooting range and Sasha appreciating Nicolo’s cooking. This is followed closely by Eren’s mirror scene with 9.7% of the vote. Onyankopon explaining why he looks different when Sasha asks him about it took a solid 9% of the vote.

WHAT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL PART OF THE VISIT TO SASHA’S GRAVE? 144 Responses

This was almost too close to call, but Mikasa sitting alone managed to edge out just slightly over Connie’s “I’ve lost half of me” moment at Sasha’s grave. Trailing behind the two were Nicolo’s grief and the agreement between Papa Braus agreeing to a free meal from Nicolo.

AFTER SEVERAL TENSE AND ACTION PACKED EPISODES, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE TRANSITION TO SOMETHING MORE CALM? 138 Responses

The larger chunk of respondents are feeling relieved to get a break from the action for a few episodes. 21.7% prefer the action but don’t mind a break here and there, while 21% state that they enjoy the exposition more than the action anyway, so they are content. A small handful don’t care either way.

We needed this for another build-up to more action

I like the action but it’s important to move the story along

These just feel mandatory fillers to me.

I miss the warriors

I feel fine with it. I thought that was going to be some happy-go-me episode, but gladly it still had a serious tones.

This episode felt like a very welcome respite after the absolute shitshow that was spoilers week and....whatever the fuck chapter 137 was.

Nice breather of sorts, I always like seeing characters from action-heavy series in their downtime.

WOULD YOU RATHER GET A SURPRISE GREETING FROM EREN & HANGE, OR ARMIN & LEVI? 141 Responses

The vast majority of respondents would prefer the slightly less lethal greeting given by Hange and Eren at the beginning of the episode. We’re not sure if the other 29.1% are masochists or just really love Levi and/or Armin that much more. Or perhaps they’re intrigued by the pig piss from the filthy island devils.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU TO BE BACK ON PARADIS? 139 Responses

Overall, fans are happy to be back in familiar territory and put into the perspective of the Survey Corps again. Let’s get ready to rumble!

MAPPA HAS SPRINKLED IN ANIME-ONLY ADDITIONS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. AS A WHOLE, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM? 139 Responses

Though subtle, MAPPA did include some anime filler (such as Eren’s, erm, mouth breathing). 51.1% enjoyed the noticeable additions, while 37.4% are completely confused by the question and didn’t realize there were any. A handful generally don’t prefer additions but enjoyed what little ones we had this episode. A small sliver didn’t care for them.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SCENES FROM CHAPTER 107 THAT WERE PEPPERED IN BETWEEN THE MOMENTS FROM CHAPTER 106? 139 Responses

MAPPA is shuffling things around to pick up the pacing of this arc, and 48.2% of respondents are feeling very positively about it. 38.8% also feel that both the order of events in the original manga and the anime work out just fine regardless. A couple of smaller groups either felt that things were a bit off from the manga, or didn’t really care either way.

I think it's great because it allows an episode to start and end on the same chapter if mappa ever wanted it, allowing the right twists or cliffhangers to be in the right episodes, all WITHOUT having to slow down, which I wholly appreciate.

I'm fine with the changes. Mappa is doing good job.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE CHANGE OF GABI BITING HER NAIL AND ANGRILY SAYING EREN’S NAME IN HER JAIL CELL? 142 Responses

Nearly half of voters feel that both MAPPA’s take and Isayama’s original take work just fine for Gabi’s character. 28.9% prefer the anime’s take on Gabi’s reaction to all that happened, while 14.8% feel that her more defeated posture in the manga makes more sense for her character.

I'm a mix of both? Her defeated posture implies that she's not happy with the way things worked out with them in jail and Zeke betraying them. On the other hand, her angry face is realistic to the scene too because it implies she really blames Eren for their current predicament.

She looks like some female version of young, angry Tarzan. This time Mappa should have kept the original postures, because the defeated Gabi feels to be more realistic, than the crazy anime one.

I think they both work but the anime's take might be the anime team beating us over the head that she's just like Eren when he was young.

Makes it clear to the anime-onlies that she really is psychotic

Gabi sucks

HOW WELL DO YOU THINK MAPPA NAILED THE TRANSITION OF EREN SHOOTING THE GUN, TO SASHA TAKING THE HIT? 141 Responses

The response to MAPPA’s take on Eren’s shot inadvertently hitting Sasha was overwhelmingly positive, with only a few people saying that they could have done better with it.

Eren shot linked to Sasha's death was awesome. Mappa is nailing it!

THE PART WHERE JEAN, SASHA AND CONNIE ARE TRYING TO GUESS WHAT A PORT IS WAS CUT OUT, WITH ARMIN’S NARRATION INSTEAD CUTTING INTO THE SCENE. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT? 140 Responses

Exactly 50% felt that while having that JSC characterization would have been very much welcome, they’re okay with that small detail missing from the manga (granted, it was at least acknowledged by one panel being animated). 25.7% have a more nonchalant response, stating that if it helps with the pacing, they’re fine with small cuts like this. 10.7% are just let down by JSC’s lack of characterization in the anime overall and didn’t appreciate even more being taken from their characterization in this episode.

I was more so interested in our Paradis Peeps talking about newly discovered technology but I’m happy with what we got.

Not dissappointed since I understand you can't show everything but I love them so sad

Why was it animated then?! I’m so confused

Normally I don't like it when they cut corners like this, but I wasn't fond of that scene in the first place so it's okay.

If by "anime" you mean the entirety of it including the past 3 seasons, then option 3. I'm always going to be salty about how much they took out or changed for these three during the uprising arc. So far mappa has done okay with them, I guess.

Would have been a funny JSC moment, but it was really absolutely pointless. In manga format it works as just background words on a panel. Animating it takes seconds of an episode that could be used elsewhere. So I'm fine with it being cut out.

SOME HAVE COMPLAINED THAT THE ENDING SCENE OF EREN REPEATING HIS MANTRA INTO THE MIRROR LACKED THE IMPACT IT HAD IN THE MANGA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 138 Responses

43.5% were receptive of the anime only shots, but favor the way the scene was portrayed in the manga more. 34.1% felt that both versions were done well, with only 9.4% feeling that the impact was largely the same (if not better). Based on the write-ins, the main complaint seems to be the lighting/color scheme of the scene not quite meeting expectations, or that MAPPA made Eren’s back look weird.

theyll make up for it when eren screeches at hange next ep

Impact was there, art just felt a bit wonky and toned down the scene overall. 9/11

This goes into my criticism of the color palette and shading style mappa uses, which is far more subdued. The contrast is lowered and the scene is very dark, and there is little rim lighting, so while the actual lineart has far more detail, the detail in the lighting is reduced. Damn I really am writing a wall text aren't I? I prefer Wit Studio's art style a lot but Mappa has honestly been doing great so I couldn't care less, manbun Eren is hot.

I prefer the manga version. I think the anime version have weirds shadows in eren's back. Plus the mirror don't have the same energy, less impactful

Cool scene in the anime, an unforgettable blow to the brains in the manga

Idk

Most of the time seeing things for the first time is what's really impactful. Feel this way towards Armin's transformation in the boat as well. It was definitely less impactful than when you first read it in the manga.

I understand the fandom because this moment was very popular when the chapter was out. I think that in the anime Eren lacks the anger he had in the manga. His voice was too calm while repeating his mantra. .

WHY DOES HIS BACK LOOK LIKE THAT

I didn't care for it in the anime, it was really underwhelming.

I think most people are annoyed about the lighting than the impact. It’s a bit too dim and the lamp hides Eren’s new hair.

Didn't like the anime version at all

The animation wasn't good and they totally fucked his hair, face, and body up. Although the added shots were definitely welcome.

Eren could've been sexier/animated better, I hope they do better next ep 😭

WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN. HOW WILL THE ANIME DEAL WITH MIKASA’S HIZURU TATTOO/SYMBOL? 135 Responses

With Mikasa meeting Kiyomi presumably being inevitable in episode 69, we wondered if any opinions had changed on this. 34.1% feel hopeful that the tattoo will be retconned into the anime and that we will see this scene faithful to the manga. 28.9% think that Mikasa will happen to have some kind of embroidery on hand already. 25.9% don’t want to make a call either way, and a small handful think Mikasa’s going to just pull out an embroidery kit and go with it, lol.

The embroidery will be on the inside of her bandage.

Japanese are very taboo about tattoos because of the Yazuka... it will 100% be the embroidery.

I don't know but I hope it gets retconned. Never liked the embroidery thing.

It won't be included

Let’s just... ignore it..

I really really hope MAPPA retcons Mikasa's tattoo next episode. This will be the one retcon I will absolutely celebrate. Plus, it's not really a retcon if they're just amending Wit's changes.

WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN, AGAIN. WITH THE PACING CURRENTLY UTILIZED BY MAPPA, WHERE WILL EPISODE 16 END? 137 Responses

Uncertainty continues to loom over exactly how far MAPPA will get into this (first half of the?) season. Nearly 40% don’t want to make predictions one way or another, while 23.4% feel that it won’t make it quite to chapter 122. The rest believe it will make it to chapter 122, with 17.5% feeling there will only be minor cuts, if any, and the remaining 13.1% feeling that there will be major cuts to make the feat to chapter 122.

116 (?) when the allied force attack paradis

122 with the amount of cuts being somewhere in between. They can cut a lot of the Gabi and Falco plotline and still have the story remain intact.

See, I'm not sure buy I'm also worried and curious about it all. It brings up the question of will the story continue in a possible second half of the season? With the manga ending very soon now, it makes sense to have the story wrap up in its anime medium as well. Fees like there's some kind of uncertainty surrounding this, it's unnerving tbh.

119 with Eren's head being blown off.

gabi no scoping eren, ending creds is eren entering paths and we see ymir standing behind him, s4p2 starts w the ymir backstory

121

No idea and I don't think about it. I just enjoy the show.

Your guess is as good as mine, I'm still fearing major cuts.

119

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT NICOLO’S PORTRAYAL? 138 Responses

With Nicolo now formally introduced in the anime, we were curious how you felt about his portrayal. Overall the reaction was positive, with 48.6% agreeing that he’s a “cutie pie chef”, and another 45.7% feeling that his design and seiyuu are absolutely great! A small handful were less happy with the voice, but happy with the design, and a sliver went in the opposite direction, preferring voice over animation.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ADDED DETAIL OF THE FLOWER BOQUETS AND THEIR SYMBOLISM ON SASHA’S GRAVE? 140 Responses

Respondents vastly appreciated the flower symbolism from MAPPA with 82.9% of the pie. 12.9% aren’t really sure what symbolism there even was, and a small amount either don’t care or felt the effort could have been spent on something other than flowers for Sasha.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 143 Responses

This pie chart wound up being almost eerily even. 42.7% are most looking forward to the 104th discussing Eren (hopeful for the train flashback?). 39.9% instead are looking more forward to Hange and Eren’s tense conversation at his jail cell. The remaining three preview moments were pretty evenly split as well.

DO YOU THINK WE’LL GET BLUSHING!104TH NEXT EPISODE? 130 Responses

71.5% feel that there is a chance we will get the train flashback of the 104th in this episode, but don’t want to say for absolutely certain. 18.5% feel that it is a guarantee based on what we saw in the preview. 10% feel it is instead guaranteed that we will NOT get the scene in 69.

WE WILL LIKELY SEE PREGNANT HISTORIA NEXT EPISODE. THOUGHTS? 140 Responses

The plotline that continues to be a frustrating mystery in the manga - Historia’s pregnancy. 34.3% aren’t particularly looking forward to seeing her in the rocking chair and aren’t very stoked about having to relive this plotline all over again. 33.6% mainly just care about seeing how the anime only fans react to the scene. 17.9% just miss Historia altogether and will take any scraps they can get. And a small handful, at 9.3%, are actually looking forward to seeing anime!Historia with a baby bump.

Don't really care about historia

It's in MAPPA's hands now. I just hope they can add a little more of her screentime somehow.

I hope so. I want to see the design of her adult self.

I honestly wouldn't mind if Historia's entire arc, which consists of equal parts pregnancy, irrelevance and uselessness, is just completely cut in the anime lol

not interest

I'm not interested

I've hated this fucking plot line with all my being and what it's done to Historia since the leaks for this chapter were revealed years ago. So I'm not looking forward to anime-only people jumping in with their hot takes too. 🤮🤮

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

mikasa was shown in sasha's grave in the morning/afternoon and then she was shown again at dusk. SHE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY THERE. and annie... what a queen. and hisu's few scenes? so pretty.

Really glad the pacing was well done

nicosasha ship just flew in and took the spotlight

fantastic!! maybe it's just because this isn't my first time going through this arc anymore, but i feel like the anime feels chronologically less confusing than the manga—I remember being very confused my first time reading these chapters.

The lack of score by Hiroyuki Sawamo is negatively impacting my relationship with the anime. The depth of the emotion that could have been evoked was not present. I also did not get the sense that Nicolo and Sasha were in love, which was a major disappoinment. There were other aspects that weren't so bad, though; specifically, Levi's portrayal and Onyankopon's philosophy.

It felt a bit all over the place, but just seeing things from the manga being animated, I ain’t even mad.

I think that the scene between Sasha and Nicolo was made better in the anime. Isayama has problems with writing romantic moments, so in the manga the whole moment looked like it was taken from some light romance. Mappa made this scene more serene. I liked it.

I think MAPPA is doing so great tbh! I just need them to hurry up and explain if there will be a part two to this final season or what?! I need to know if we get more anime or they'll diverge into movies or.... just tell us! Lol!

How DAREEEE they not give Levi his black steed!!!! .....Although knowing what happens ummm yeah maybe his pony gets to live another day this way lol

Here comes the train wreck, choo choo!

I'm really sad I didn't get to hear Sasha call Jean a perv. I was really looking forward to that. LOL I love them. When EMA were at the shooting range, it looked too much like Mikasa wasn't wearing any pants.

VERY solid. Not the biggest fan of the War for Paradis arc but I'm here for the ride.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 128 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s4 #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot

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malmuses · 3 years

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Hello Mal, how are you doing? I hope things have gotten better for you on the real life side of things. I'm going through some rough times too, so at least the company is good! I wanted to start by saying that your fics have single handedly gotten me through the most turbulent transition period of my life. I'm almost completely finished with your works on AO3 and your storytelling... *many many many chef kisses*. You are easily one of my favorite writers. I love your writing style, ...1/2

...2/2 your characterization, and how well thought out each story is. Each fic is like a decadent treat for my brain. I was curious, as a fellow writer, what your writing process is like. I've tried a few different methods but was wondering what works best for you! I hope the rest of your 2020 is full of peace and love. Also, I apologize in advance for the spam of comments you are about to receive on AO3. I finally have enough spoons for it!

I’m pasting these into one so I can put the answer in one place! (Tumblr is so awkward sometimes.) Sorry to hear you’ve been going through rough times too! There’s a lot of it going around this year, so I think we have plenty of company. In fact, I think the whole world just needs to lower its expectations and standards this year. Woke up? There’s the first gold star of the day. It's only up from here. I’m so glad that you’ve been enjoying my stories and so flattered that you say they’ve helped you so much...*insert feelings gif* I always tell myself when I write something: It’s okay if not everyone likes it. It’s okay if some people hate it. Nothing is for everyone. I just want one person to *love it*. Then I’m totally at peace. Now, if that person is just me? If I’m the only one that loves it? That’s also cool. Each story comes from a different place. My long-winded point, though, was that you basically just validated the existence of my entire catalog of fics so far, so thank you xD Your question about my writing process though - I’m happy to answer. But of course, first, I have to insert the usual disclaimer that as with most creative endeavors, there is no ‘right’ way to do it. I’m sure you know that, but sometimes I think people underestimate the depth of that truth. Each person has their own unique way of doing things. The struggle is sometimes finding the particular way, or combination of ways, that work for you. There’s definitely no harm in sharing what works for me though, in case anyone else can take anything from it. I’m someone who writes multiple things at once. Some people can’t do this or don’t want to, which I totally understand. For me, this is how I (mostly) avoid any kind of writers' block. If I’m stuck somewhere, I switch projects for a day or two. I do usually still have one main project I’m working on, but I usually have at least three others, often at various stages of the writing process. This keeps me in more of a flow state so I keep going with things, and allows me to write every day. It’s a habit. Now, I’m not saying breaks are bad, and everyone should write every day. I just find that for me, breaks should be deliberate. They should be true, chosen breaks, not because I just...drifted into one.

As you can probably tell from all that, I’m very much a planner and outliner. I outline...a lot. I’d be happy to talk more about my particular outlining process on Tumblr someday if anyone wanted. But, basically, I start with a general idea, then break it down into different story beats, so I can see if there’s something missing or too much of one thing. Then I fill in the gaps, then start breaking each overall ‘part’ of the plot into scenes, etc. Chapters come last. In terms of numbers (I get asked this one a lot), it does not matter how long your chapters are. What matters is that the chapter length feels right for the pacing of the fic, in my opinion, and I really think that is something that just comes with practice and knowing your own writing. Shitty advice maybe, but just the truth as I see it. A lot of it comes down to practice and finding what works for you.

Once I have an outline, I generally write linearly. Some people can jump around a lot. That’s a bit of a last resort for me if I’m stuck on something, or alternately if a scene steams into my head fully formed I will write it...with the understanding that I will probably have to change chunks of it when I reach it. It’s just the way it goes.

Now, when I say I outline in detail (there are literal spreadsheets) that doesn’t mean that I magically only write exactly what’s in the outline and I stick to it. An outline can be a guide, not a rule. Sometimes stories take you places, and generally, I find it's better to listen to what the story wants. If my story starts going somewhere else or introduces something I don’t expect, I often revisit my outline and think, “Okay, how can I work in this new thing so that it follows the plotlines and arcs I already have? Am I adding to what I have or just distracting from it?” Most often those answers are obvious to me, but sometimes it’s good to ask someone else. A friend, a trusted beta. (I could talk a whole lot about betas and how that works for me, too, in addition to outlining).

I pretty much zero draft my fics. By that, I mean that I will start writing, and I won’t go back and do very much editing until the end. I will, each writing session, go back and read what I wrote the day before. Get into the zone. And sure, I’ll fix something if it jumps out at me - but that isn’t the purpose at that point, and most things won’t jump out, because it's too fresh. My brain knows what I meant, so it autocorrects for me.

Leading into editing, it’s a two-step process for me. Once my zero draft is finished, I go back to the beginning and go through. This is where most of my developmental editing happens. (Another thing that probably needs more detail...different types of editing.) Once I’ve done that (usually during that pass, I’ve added words) I then put the fic aside. For as long as possible. At least a month, if I can swing that. (Bang deadlines sometimes cause issues if it's a fic for a bang, but I try).

Once that time has passed, I can come back to it with fresh eyes. I’ll see the mistakes much more easily, then. This is where more intensive line edits happen, where SPAG happens, where I insert anything I made note of during my first pass if I needed to foreshadow anything more, that kind of thing.

For a WIP, I do these edits chapter by chapter as it posts. For a Bang fic, obvious I have to do it all in one go. Due to the way I write, if you see me start posting a fic -- that fic is already finished, or in rarer instances (for work that was more time-sensitive) partway through the second draft or so. Oneshots are a little different (and I’ve had some oneshots that turned into chaptered fics of their own accord) in that they are just shorter and less intensive and often only have one main plot thread, so they’re a lot easier to do. I can get one drafted, edited and posted within a few days usually, depending on length.

How much do I write? Depends on the day. I have a high-stress finance job, two kids, and write a mixture of original fiction and fanfic stuff. So sometimes it's more than others. Bad day? Maybe 1,000 words. Good, average day? 3-6k. High pressure? Well, last year's DCBB I wrote in just under three days. It was 25k at that point. I have no tips for speed beyond learning to type fast, LOL!

Okay. I’ve probably bored you, and anyone else who had to scroll past all this, to tears. This is way too long. But even so, more specific questions, I’m happy to answer.

Good luck! Best advice? Just write. Write. Write. "Write a million words, then throw them away” is a changeable quote attributed to several authors but all it comes down to is...practice. Find your own vice and way of doing it. In a million words time, you will be a different writer than you are now, guaranteed.

Mal <3

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