#make no mistake this comes after weeks of agonizing and overthinking on both their parts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

americaswritings · 3 years

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Invisible

Warnings: Angst, Insecurity & Self-doubt, Language

Summary: The reader stays with Tom and his friends during quarantine. To protect her from media and fans, the reader can’t been seen in any social media posts. It leads to her feeling more and more lonely and isolated until she can’t take it anymore.

Words: 2.6k

Pairings: Tom Holland x reader

A/N: I wrote this when Tom hosted the marvel pub quiz, but completely forgot to post it!

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"That's it. Thank you for joining and taking part in the quiz! I hope you had as much fun as we did and don't forget to post your answers using the hashtag massive marvel pub quiz so we can find your answers easier. Stay safe and healthy. Bye guys!"

You watched as Tom's face disappeared and the live stream ended.

But the excitement that you had felt when you had first heared of the idea of a marvel quiz was gone. Now you just felt empty. And alone.

You knew that you were overreacting, after all Tom and the others were just a few rooms away, but you couldn't help and feel left out. Again.

You weren't invited to join the live stream in the first place so why join them know?

You knew that Tom only wanted to protect you and himself by keeping you out of the public's eye. If they found out that a female in his age was spending the time during quarantine at his house, they would go wild. You could already imagine the headlines that would follow.

After all Tom had exerperienced how far his ‘fans’ and the media would go when a photo of him and Olivia had gone viral.

Only a few blurry images and both Tom and Olivia had been attacked for weeks, even so far that the girl had to make her instagram private, yet the hate comments never stopped.

And Tom knew that he would never risk the chance of you having to read through pages of hate comments of people that didn't even know you. Because if they did, they knew they could never hate you.

You were kind and loving and you cared a little too deeply.

Tom still remembered when you had called him crying, because you didn't feel confident enough to go out after some girls in your class had made it their mission to target all your insecurities and make mean comments whenever you passed them.

He still remembered the anger and hate he felt inside of him when he listened to your sobbing and how the girl's words had gotten to you, to the point you even believed them.

So when you had moved in with him and the boys, he had decided to keep you out of everything that could reveal to the world that you were living with them. You had agreed without a second doubt, because in that moment it seemed the only rational and responsible thing to do.

Now you weren't so sure anymore, because it hurt so much to be invisible every day. You had gotten used to the fact that you could only watch their instagram stories, live streams and tik toks without being able to join them. But what hurt you even more were the little things.

"Hey y/n, could you leave the room for a sec? You are always in the background of the video!"

A second often turned into hours and soon you found yourself retreating to your room more and more to avoid having to leave and get hurt again.

Yesterday you had decided to do a little game night and you felt so carefree that you came to the conclusion that you were being ridiculous and should rather enjoy the time with them instead of obsessing over your feelings. But then you had laughed over something that had been said and Tom has sighed, dropping his phone.

"Great, now I have to delete that, because you were laughing in the background", he stated, clearly frustrated and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks.

"I'm sorry", you mumbled but it sounded more like a question than a sincere apologzy, because really, what where you even apologizing for? Harrsion had leaned over to get a better look at Tom's phone. "That would have been a great post, mate!"

You adverted your eyes, starring at the table and analysing the natural pattern of the wood to try and distract yourself from the embarassment and the tears that had filled your eyes. "I know right", Tom sighed again and you crounched down in your seat even more.

"I will do that again now so you have to be completely quiet now y/n, got it?

You wanted to scream at them, because you weren't dumb and yet they were treating you like a child that had misbehaved and was now lectured. But you only gulped and nodded, fearing that if you said something, your voice would break and reveal how hurt you really felt.

While they recorded the story again, you listened to their loud laughter as you fought back the tears.

Eventually you excued yourself, mumbling something about having a headache, but you doubted that they even noticed.

Now you could hear them laugh again and even though Tom's laugh was one of your favorite sounds, it now cut deeper into your heart like a knife.

You were still staring at your phone screen where you saw photos of answer sheets already popping up. You had gotten around 20 answers right, but you didn't feel proud.

When Tom had told you about the marvel quiz you had been beyond excited. Since you could remember you loved the marvel movies. Your rooms had been filled with posters and other merchandise and your friends only rolled their eyes when you suggested to watch a marvel movie during your movie nights.

You had build your knowdlege over the years and loved to challenge Tom, who thought of himself as a big marvel fan as well, regarding who knew more about the marvel cinematic universe.

So when he came up with the idea of a marvel live quiz, you insisted to take part and therefore hear the questions for the first time during the stream so you had the same chance as everyone else.

But as soon as Harry and Harrison had joined the live stream your enthusiasm had faded. They were having so much fun and you were sitting in your room, all on your own. The familiar feeling of loneliness and self doubt had accompained you the rest of the live stream and now that it had ended you just wanted to crawl under the covers and weep into your pillow.

Maybe you were clingy and needy and overthinking again, but you couldn't help the overwhelming sadness and you began to doubt if staying with Tom was a mistake and if your friendship meant more to you than the others.

Maybe you should pack your things tomorrow and tell Tom that you needed to go home. He would understand if you claimed to miss the comfort of being at your home but then again, you would be even more lonely.

Frustrated you threw your phone on the nightstand and quickly changed into your pajamas before crawling into bed.

In the darkness of the room the disappointment felt even more overwhelming and you grabbed onto your pillow for comfort.

A knock made you freeze and your heart started pouding in your chest. You prayed that the person would leave you alone and go away if you pretended to be asleep so you stayed silent.

"Y/n?"

It was Tom's voice.

"We want to watch a movie. Wanna join us?"

You knew that he wouldn't go away until the got an answer so you dismissed your plan and braced yourself to speak.

"No, I am tired, but thanks." You hoped that Tom didn't notice how nervous you sounded and after an agonizing moment of silence you could hear him mutter an "okay" and walk away.

Did you imagine it or did he sound disapppointed? Now feeling guilty too, you covered your face in your hands in frustration.

Why did everything have to go wrong?

And wait...did you still have your make-up on?

You let out a sound of frustration when you realized that you had to get up again to wipe off your make-up. You had applied it because you wanted to feel your best during the quiz you had been so excited for, but now it meant walking all the way to the bathroom.

Which meant leaving your room again.

You slowly opened your door, peeking out to check if the corridors were empty. You proceeded to tiptoe to the bathroom and closed the door behind you while relief flooded you. You really didn't want to meet anyone now, not when you felt like breaking into tears every second.

When you looked into the mirror and began to wash your make-up off, you allowed yourself to let the tears flow. A few sobs escaped your mouth, but the bathroom was far enough from the living room so they wouldn't be able to hear you.

Without the make-up on, you felt a little more relaxed and you couldn't wait to get into bed again.

But when you reached your room without running into anyone on the way, you were more than surprised to see that once you had closed the door and turned around, you weren't alone.

Tom was sitting on your bed, looking up at you when you entered the room.

You could conclude from the frown that covered his face that you looked as horrible as you felt. Your eyes were probably still puffy and red from the crying and your hair was in a messy bun.

"Tom?", you stuttered, too shocked to come up with something that would save you from this conversation. "What are you doing here?", you added, hating how weak your voice sounded.

His frown grew even deeper and he mustered your apperance, hurt visible in his eyes.

"You were so excited for the quiz so when you didn't leave your room I grew worried", he explained while you akwardly stood next to the door, leaving as much space between the two of you as possible.

"Oh that- I just didn't feel good so I decided to sleep early today", you tried to brush it off, but you knew that Tom would not fall for it.

"Why have you been crying?"

His question was acommpanied by a stern gaze and you couldn't help feeling guilty and ashamed.

"I- I wasn't", you stuttered, but it didn't even sound believable to your own ears. Tom raised his eyebrow, but when he saw how uncomfortable you looked his features softened.

"Hey, you can talk to me, you know that right? Whatever it is, you can tell me and we can figure this out together." His voice was so gentle and caring that tears filled your eyes again and you silently cursed yourself for being so emotional.

You didn't want to cry in front of Tom. It would not be the first time and when it had happened he had always managed to make you feel better and put a smile on your face again, but you also knew the shame that would follow afterwards.

You didn't want him to think that you were too sensitive.

But the tears weren't only a result of your hurt, no, anger was building inside of you at his words. "Really Tom, really?", you snapped and he flinched in surprise.

"Are you sure you want me to talk to you? Maybe someone is filming an instagram story and I could be heard in the background so I should just say nothing at all. Or even better, why don't I just leave the room so there is a lesser chance that I could ruin your precious masterpieces by just existing."

Tom's eyes had widened at your outburst and you actually felt bad for a second, but then you remembered the many occasions he had made you feel like you weren't good enough and the anger came back.

"You know what? I think it would be best if I just went home. I am done being treated like an outsider and being blamed for everything I do!"

Tom had jumped up from the bed and was crossing the distance between the two of you with large steps, but you raised your hands before he could come closer to you.

"Y/n I am so sorry", he stumbled over his words, desperately trying to find the right words. "I didn't realize- I never would have..." Frustrated he ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, I screwed up! I didn't realize that my behaviour- that I was hurting you and I am so sorry! I just wanted to protect you and now I am the one making you feel this way. Fuck, I am so sorry!"

His words seemed geniune and your heart ached to step forward and pull him into a hug, but you knew that you could not forget so easily.

"I didn't think that this was so important to you. Why didn't you say anything?" He was rubbing the back of his head, seemingly tensed.

"I don't care much about not being in the stories Tom. But it really hurt whenever I am send away so you can film together or when I am told to shut up so I can't be heard while you all have fun together”, you explained, trying to keep your vice even.

“I just feel like I am a burden to you and if you don't want to spend time with me that's fine I guess but I would appreciate for you to tell me that so I can stop trying and just go home."

"No, no, no it's not like that I swear!” Tom seemed desperate again, articulating with his hands to underline his words.

“I miss spending time with you, I really do and it was stupid of me to let myself being dragged into this whole instagram thing!

You know I am normally not the person to care much about posting, but I thought now that everyone is stuck at home, I could make my fans happy and distract them from the situation by sharing more of my life. I should have never put them before you and I am truly sorry!” You could see the regret clearly in his eyes as he took in a deep breath.

“Please don't go."

You were biting your lip as you were trying your best to stay calm and not break into tears. You had imagined confronting Tom and letting all your anger and hurt out, but now that he stood in front of you with his eyes full of hurt and regret and his pleading words for you to stay, your anger vanished.

"Are you sure?", you asked him in uncertainty, because you knew you couldn't bare if nothing would change. But Tom desperately nodded. "I am. Tomorrow I am going to post a photo to let my fans now that I am taking a break from social media!"

He looked so determined, so sure, that a warm feeling filled you. "You would do that?"

"Of course! I want to make it up to you and besides I was not lying when I said that I miss spending time with you”, he stated, stepping a little closer to you when you didn’t protest anymore.

“You were so distant the last days and I didn't know what to do, so I thought that I should give you space. Seems like that is the last thing I should have done", he sayed with a sheepish smile covering his face.

"Sorry for being so caught up in myself. I should have said something earlier too", you admitted, a small smile forming on your lips, when you felt the burden fall off your shoulders.

"Hug?", Tom suggested and you didn't have to think twice about it.

When he wrapped his strong arms around you, you realized that going back to your place would have been a mistake. Because at some point your home hadn't been a place anymore. Instead it had become a person and you didn't plan on letting go any time soon.

----

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TOM HOLLAND: @mbsgr @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @fairydustparker @its-the-unknownspideywrites @tomhollanders2013 @hollandsmiss @100kindsofblake @popluckbih @quaksonhehe

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#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland oneshot #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #reader x tom holland #marvel #marvel oneshot #marvel x reader #mcu #angst #tom holland x reader angst #fluff #tom holland fluff #My writing

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procrastinatingsapphictrash · 3 years

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Enough for me

Series masterlist

Word count: 1796

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: None (lmk if I need to add any)

Summary: You decide to tell Natasha how serious you are about your relationship and things don’t go exactly as you hoped but it’s still good.

A/n: Thank you to the multiple people who wanted another part in the mini flustered series that I’ve totally made up as I went along. Also I want to clarify that although this could be read as a part four to flustered it honestly isn’t super related so you can definitely read it seperately and it wouldn’t matter to the plot bc there is no plot besides soft nat. Also I don’t know if this one is any good because I didn’t edit as usual but hopefully you all enjoy!

You admire your work as you gaze out over the table you had just finished setting up. It had taken some work dragging a table all the way up to the roof and then having to make multiple trips to bring up all the plates, glasses, cutlery and food, not to mention the other things like candles you had set up. The effort was totally worth it in your opinion though because anything for Natasha was worth it.

You’ve spent a lot of time together since your first date and have gone on a couple more but so far all of your dates have been pretty casual and nobody on the team knows about you so you want to do something special to prove that you’re serious about her. Although looking up at the sky you realize you probably should have chosen another night and you cross your fingers that it doesn’t start to rain until after you’re done.

Your cell phone ringing interrupts you. “Tasha?” You answer it, looking at the caller id as you pick it up.

“Hi Y/n.” She responds. “So why am I supposed to call you?”

“What do you mean?” You ask, confused.

“You told me to call you at seven so I’m calling.” She says and you slap your hand up to your face because you can’t believe you forget that part of your plan.

“Right sorry, I forgot.” You tell her. “Anyways I need you to put on something nice and come up to the roof.”

“Mysterious, I like it.” She says which makes you smile. “I’ll be up there in five minutes.”

“Okay, see you then!” You respond before hanging up and panicking. You didn’t expect her to be so quick and five minutes really isn’t a lot of time. You still have approximately one hundred candles to light and you’re not sure that you can get it done on time.

You run around, trying to be careful and not burn yourself, and start to light all the candles that were all over the ground surrounding the table and the pathway to the door. Just as you’re finishing lighting the last one and standing up the door to the roof opens and Natasha steps out. She’s gorgeous as always but you especially love this dress on her. It’s black like most things she wears and is tight fitting at the top but slowly gets looser until it flows around her legs. You love it because you can tell she’s dressing to look beautiful and not sexy which she only ever does if she’s letting her guard down (so not very often). You are well aware that your jaw is open and you’re blatantly staring but luckily she’s busy looking around at your setup so you have time to collect yourself.

“Do you like it?” You ask her.

“It’s beautiful.” She breaths in response.

“Not as beautiful as you.” You reply and it’s so cheesy that you nearly regret saying that but there’s a light blush on her face and she’s smiling so you smile back and take a seat at the table, gesturing for her to sit with you.

“So what’s on the menu?” She asks lightly as she sits, still smiling.

“Just some paninis and lentil soup, hopefully it’s still warm.” You tell her.

“Well I’m sure it will be good either way.” She responds before taking a bite and moaning in delight. “It is amazing, thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” You say. “Now how about you tell me about your day?”

You listen attentively as she complains about paperwork and schedules and as she practically glows as she tells you about a new move she had used to take down Steve in training today. You love listening to her, it makes you happy that she likes talking about mediocre things with you and there’s a level of domesticity to it that makes your heart feel full. You just want to know everything about her, no matter how boring people deem it to be because it’s important to her and therefore it matters a lot to you.

You talk to her for hours comfortably as she continues to share but also asks you questions. There is never a lull in the conversation and you could listen to her voice forever. Eventually though, long after you both finish eating, the conversation dwindles to a comfortable silence. At least for her. You’re inwardly freaking out because you want to tell her exactly how much she means to you and although you think she’ll react well it’s not a guarantee.

“What are you thinking about?” She asks, always observant.

You gulp nervously but answer truthfully. “I’m thinking about how I am more serious about you than I’ve ever been about anyone before, even if it’s only been a few weeks.”

“I’m more serious about you than anyone too.” She replies. “But I think you already knew that.”

“I hoped so.” You tell her, continuing on your path since so far she is reacting well. “I was-I was thinking that maybe we could tell the others about us now, or at least stop hiding it and wait until they find out.”

“But I thought you were fine with it just being for us for now?” She asks, a frown tugging at your lips. Your heart sinks at her expression-you never meant to push boundaries that she wasn’t comfortable with yet.

“And I’m still fine with that.” You reassure her quickly. “I just thought it might be nice to tell the others but it’s totally cool if you aren’t okay with it.”

She stands up and starts to pace a little. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Hey, hey.” You stand up too and grab her gently by the arm so she stops and faces you. “It’s okay, we don’t have to do it, I just thought it would be nice so everyone knows how much I love you.”

Instead of calming her down your words only seem to make her more anxious. “You what? You-you love me?” She stutters out.

“Shit I am so sorry Natasha I promised not to rush you.” You immediately apologize, hoping that you didn’t mess things up to badly.

She picks her way through the candles carefully and sits down on the edge of the roof, her feet dangling over. You follow, sitting beside her, making sure you don’t accidentally do anything to further surprise her. She sits quietly, obviously deep in thought and you think as well. You know, or at least you hope, that Natasha won’t break up with you already because of this. You just wanted to give her a special night and the first part of it went great but you just had to push too far. You had promised that she would dictate the terms of the relationship when you had first asked her out but of course you weren’t able to follow through. You just wish that you could hear her thoughts so you could try to fix your mistakes. She stays silent and only speaks up after a few more agonizing minutes.

“I’m sorry-” She starts and you interrupt.

“It’s okay if you’re breaking up with me.” You say and she watches you with a strange look on her face.

“You just told me you love me-I’m not breaking up with you.” She tells you and you sigh in relief. “But I can’t say it back, not yet anyways.”

“That’s completely okay.” You reassure her, slightly disappointed but understanding and just happy she wasn’t breaking up with you.

“I want to but I can’t.” She explains, her face visibly upset, seeing a hint of your disappointment. “It just doesn’t work, I can’t say it, I’m sorry. But if you want to we can tell the team about us.” She turns away when she’s done, biting her lip, afraid of your reaction.

“Tasha. Tasha.” You say, waiting until she turns back to face you to continue. “We won’t do it unless you’re ready and it’s okay that you aren’t. I’m not going to take back my words, I do love you and being able to tell you that and be here with you is enough for me, you don’t need to do anything.”

She pauses a moment and you can’t read her expression so you start to get nervous. Maybe you should have taken back the ‘I love you’ part of your mini speech. Before you can overthink too much she throws herself at your side, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and resting her in the crook of your neck.

“Thank you.” She mumbles against your skin. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m happy with this because having you is enough for me because I love you.” You tell her, awkwardly un-wedging your arm from between your side and her body and wrapping it around her, rubbing her back in mindless patterns.

She shivers slightly, not from the cold. “Can you say that again?”

“What, I love you?” You ask, confused.

“Yeah.” She says, almost shyly, nodding her head against your neck.

“I love you.” You tell her, kissing the side of her head at an awkward angle. “I love you. I love you so much Tasha.”

You repeat it over and over for a few minutes, feeling as though your heart is going to burst. You no longer care that she can’t say it back because she has her reasons but she wants you to say it and she’s cuddling with you and you never want to let her go because this moment is so perfect.

Unfortunately the weather has other plans and just as your words start to die out the sky open, a few small drops then a complete downpour. The soft glow that once covered the roof from the candles disappears as they go out, releasing smoke. You know you have to clean things up but you figure it can wait until morning, once things are drier, so you take Natasha’s hand and pull her up. She starts to run towards the door, helping you so you don’t step on the candles, giggling the whole way. Technically things hadn’t gone to plan, her not wanting to tell the team or say she loved you and it raining at the end, but those things don’t seem to matter when you see her bright smile, her hair plastered to her face but somehow looking as beautiful as ever. And it matters even less when she pulls you inside and immediately presses you to the door, kissing you hard. You’re more than happy to fulfill her request when she pulls away, asking for you to say it again. Anything to keep her happy and make her feel loved.

---

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kth1 · 4 years

Text

Atmosphere [Namjoon x Reader]

Atmosphere [Namjoon x Reader] ⟶ Credits: @kimtaehyunq ⟶ Genre: Smut | 21+ | Celebrity/Boyfriend AU | One Shot ⟶ Warnings: strong/mature theme, adult content, language, titty play, we remembered the condom this time, slight angst, slight dom elements, more fluff, a bit of overstimulation, soft and cute ending, etc ⟶ WC: 8.2k+ ⟶ Summary: Namjoon and you have been dating for a few years now, fully aware of the worries a relationship with a celebrity would be like. One night you spoke up, showing a bit of jealously after him coming back home from a promotional trip across seas. You didn’t mean to slip up, you didn’t want to taint the air with insecurities, but you lost your composure. Don’t worry, you guys figure it out. ⟶ Teaser: “Namjoon can read you like a book, knew exactly what to do when to do it. He fully enjoyed the way your body reacted to him, how simple of a task for him to pleasure you in this way. Your cries from pleasure giving him excitement that he was treating you the way you deserve.” ⟶ Author’s note: Finally, I didn’t write a story in first-person. I caught myself several times having to fix my context of wording, but I did it for you! I had this story in mind for a while, but it felt difficult to tie together. It came out softer, cuter than I anticipated. Please let me know for any grammar mistakes! Enjoy! 🐾

You ran into your bedroom and slammed the door behind you, locking it immediately. Namjoon’s footsteps were sounding nearer, quickly making their way towards the room. You slumped your body against the door, pushing your back up against it to create more of a barricade and prevent Joon from entering. He tried jiggling the doorknob, noting that it resisted the turn. Leaning up against the carved piece of mahogany wood that separated the both of you he spoke, “Babe?”

He groans, hearing silence from the other end but knowing you were obviously holding yourself captive inside the shared room. Your eyes were watery, hands in fists and completely vibrating with rage. You were livid, mad at every negative thought that crossed your mind and… more upset with yourself more than anything. You overreacted and didn’t know how to handle yourself.

“Y/n… Just open the door. Talk to me.” He sighed. Namjoon’s knuckles tapping at the door slowly, the sound echoing thought the silence between the two of you. The agonizing noise banging against the labored wood filling your eardrums. Tears slowly escaping the crease of your eyes, you sniffled as you plucked at pieces of the carpet below you.

“Baaaabe!” he repeated, drawing out the sound of the vowels. You can hear the annoyance in the tone of his voice, he was one to maintain his calm and collect himself well especially during intense situations. But he’s still human. There are times where he really can’t handle all the stress and he cracks.

“Joon, leave me alone!” you choked out, voice cracking. You couldn’t help your voice from shaking, the emotions packing into your body were too overwhelming for you to contain.

“Just open the door, please.” There was no light to his voice. Joon’s patience running terribly thin. He’s trying to confront the situation. Trying to figure out what got you so riled up and darting away from the kitchen table. Sharing a delicious meal between the two of you, was it something he said?

Water filled up the clear glass before you, swishing the three single ice cubes as the cup filled up with liquid. Namjoon’s soft features content as he placed the pitcher off to the side, out of the way of the rest of the silverware. You smiled, showing gratitude and nodding a quick ‘thank you’ with a subtle gesture.

“Thank you for making dinner, it looks great!” You beamed a grin to him. Scanning over at the plates in front, figuring out what portions and pieces you want to grab. Joon nodded, dimple creasing in the side of his face as he stares at you in adoration.

He’s been away for a few weeks, taking care of business and working hard. Attending events all over the world to promote his new album. He’s a solo artist, expressing his thoughts and feelings through lyrics and various tunes. Emotions tied to each word that overflowed each song and every song. You were proud of him, releasing his 4th mixtape tilted ‘No Atmosphere’.

He was a hard worker, so dedicated to projects and assignments. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, this is what he loves. What he was made to do. Such a wise, humble, and reliable soul he has. He takes responsibility very seriously – which is a blessing and a burden. Picky, he gets frustrated with himself, overthinking every little detail. He strives to please everyone around him, putting them first, always.

A series of topics spread over the course of your meal, filling each other up with what you’ve missed, sharing news and making plans for future dates. He expressed how much he enjoyed visiting Spain, London, Ireland. Quoting ‘I wish you were there to see this!’ as he scrolled through photos and videos he snapped on his endeavors.

Meanwhile, you were stuck there. In your shared two-story apartment. A place that was generously too large for just the two of you. And much too big for one single person while the other was gone for long trips, multiple times a year. You had your part-time work, your full-time classes for your master’s degree, a few social gatherings from your small friend group. But you always came home to an empty apartment when Joon was gone.

“Hey Joon?” you disrupted his rant. One he didn’t realize he trailed on and on, boasting about how happy he was when visiting a party that honored his album.

He blinked, losing his train of thought and focused his eyes on yours. A soft smile curving up on his lips from hearing your light voice. “Hmm?”

What he didn’t notice was how you stopped eating the food, fiddling with your fork against your plate as you used one of the prongs to kick a small pea around. Scraps of leftovers and uneaten pieces still lay across your plate and you hesitantly spoke up, “What happened back in London?”

Namjoon’s eyebrows raised in worry, his eyes curious and confused at what you were asking. “What about London? I did a lot there?” You could tell Joon went into deep thought, retracing everything he had already mentioned to you and seeing if he possibly forgot anything.

I did a lot there. You shook your head trying to remove that sentence. But it played over and over, like a broken record. Shouldn’t he phrase that answer differently, you thought. Of course, it rolled off his tongue in innocence, but it held weight on to your chest. Your mind circled that sentence because you kept remembering something you had seen, something that was exposed on the internet.

“There was a video, Joon.” You mumbled under your breath, placing the fork down on top of the napkin.

This wasn’t the place to confront Namjoon, not after him prepping this dinner for you. Not when you finally had relaxing time ever since he came back from his promotion trip. Countless interviews and media articles which talked the anticipation of the album. You kept up to date with most of them, following him as he remained contact with you through your personal phones. Confrontation during this time shouldn’t been optimal, but you muttered the sentence. Your curiosity perked up – and there’s no way of brushing it off now.

You assumed Namjoon knew exactly what you were referencing by the way his face slightly dropped. A video. That video. From a bystander from the album release party… seeking social attention, posting a damn video about the continuously rising artist in attempt to cause disturbance and tainting his image. A fucking video that was pixelated, rendered, a copy of a copy, uploaded on twitter; showing what seems to be Namjoon being close, being in an ‘intimate embrace’ with another female. A female that was not you.

It was blurry, the video couldn’t hold much value to the normal eye because it was difficult to make out faces. But anyone with an expert eye, anyone that knew Namjoon, or was a big fan of him, knew that was him in the video. The slicked back hairstyle, the long dark coat that should be considered as a cloak draping over his body, the mask held over his chin and hooked over each ear. Blurry or not, you knew the figure in the video all too well.

“Y/n, it’s not what it looks like.”

“They wrote a lot of stories about that video.” You scoffed. You don’t believe Namjoon would be unfaithful at all, you knew him to be extremely loyal. A lot of stories indeed. And guess what, you read every single one of them. Each wrenching your heart just a bit more, coming up more and more theories inside your head. You swallowed down the tang, the hurtful stories, holding them in the pit of your stomach until you completely word vomit all over Joon. Spilling your insecure thoughts.

“What is it then?”

Joon copied your action, placing his fork down and now reaching across the table to grab your hand. You removed it fast, Joon grabbing at the ghost of your palm as you start to shy yourself away. Staring at him as he let go a sigh.

“It’s nothing. It was taken at an angle –“

“Nothing?!” Your eyebrows shot up, gulping down the buildup of saliva that horded in your mouth. “That ‘nothing’ seemed pretty comfortable to you by the looks of it.” Your snarky remark officially ripped open a wave of hostility between the both of you.

“She was the party director!” He raised his voice in defense, baffled that you two were even having this conversation in the first place. Stunned that you didn’t bring it up earlier. “She scooted closer to me in a group photo – I’m sure you’ve seen the photo online.”

“The video was after the picture was taken, Joon!”

“I didn’t do anything, Y/n. Nothing happened before or after that. Her arm was around me. She was on me. Not the other way around.”

Namjoon sounded more dismissive now. It was clear he was getting fed up with the subject, doesn’t believe he has to prove his clean hands to you. Because he’s done everything for you, you were his girlfriend. His love.

Now – you sit here against the bedroom door. Holding back as many tears as possible as Namjoon desperately tried to enter. The emptied and unoccupied space between you two caused unnerving feelings for you. You got worried, it wasn’t your intention but for some reason you really felt that pang of hurtfulness when you came to the realization that Namjoon could have someone better.

“Y/n!” He shouted.

“You’re mad at me…” You whispered to yourself. How dare you bring something so silly up at the table. Ruining a great meal, the one he planned and set up, you ruined it with your insecurities. You were curious, but the curiosity shot you back in the face. Coming off more anxious and fearful, questioning the loyalty of your boyfriend. You were upset with yourself more than anything. Letting stupid rumored scandals corrupt your mind.

He knocked again. You, being aggravated and worked up at his constant need to get you to open up, hit back at the door in frustration. A sob leaving your mouth.

A loud thump nailed into the other side of the wood you were leaning against, Joon kicking at it and proceeded to yell, “Why are you crying?! Open the fucking door Y/n!”

He sounded scary, something you weren’t used to coming from him. Picturing him with clenched teeth, fists with white knuckles, eyebrows furrowed together. Again, he kicked at the door. The shutter sound making you crawl away from the frame, “Unlock it now!” he spat out.

“Joon, stop! You’re freaking me out,” your breath hitching once the pounding stopped. Silence filling the void of the air. Standing up with trembling hands, taking a slow step towards the door. Joon rested his head against it, hand still around the knob. Exhaling he responded, “Please.”

Your hand froze over the lock, pinching it between your two digits. You gathered yourself together, mustered up the courage to twist the metal piece. Right away Namjoon turned the knob and pushed the door in, forcing you to take a few steps back into your room.

Holding your arms to yourself your head fell, looking at the ground. Namjoon walked up, closing the space between the two of you and wrapped his arms around your body, tight. Taking you in his embrace. Your arms remained crossed, trying to wiggle around in his arms to break free.

“Stop, Y/n.” Namjoon grabbed your head and shoved it against his chest. His hold too sturdy to break away from. He noted that your breathing was erratic, unstable. He was bothered, the conversation struck a nerve but also disturbed you.

Your tears flowed, dripping down your cheeks. “You’re mad at me,” you muffled into his chest. Namjoon swayed back and forth with you in his hold, trying to calm you down. Shushing you and rubbing his large hands on your back. Putting your face into your hands, you cried realizing that what you said, what you were accusing under hidden messages, was a mistake.

“I’m not mad, Y/n. I’m concerned.”

“What are you talking about? You are mad!” You prosecuted Namjoon, hysterical. “You were shouting! You hit the door!” You screamed out, sniffling into your hands.

Joon shuffled the both of you back to the bed, helping you sit down on the edge and he took his place besides you. He stared at your beating red face as he took his thumb and wiped away the stained trails that seeped from the brims of your eyes. “Breathe for a second.”

You leaned your head back and avoided eye contact. Your breathing did calm down after giving yourself time, feeling the warmth of Namjoon’s palm that rested on your cheek. His eyes darted back and forth with yours, pleading to be looked at and trying to read your thoughts from the mannerisms that played across your face.

“I’m just jealous.” Your hands found their way back across your body, acting as a shield, protecting yourself from anymore harm. But the harm you were receiving was from deep within your body. An overbearing ache in your chest.

Namjoon tilted his head after your statement, as if he didn’t understand. He weaved his eyebrows together, frustrated at the thoughts he drew up in his mind. “What? Jealous of what?”

“You go around everywhere. You get to meet and partake in actions with a lot of people… girls… very pretty girls. All these women saying they’re going out with you, or you have models cooing over you.” You continued to rant on. All those rumors and gossip getting to you. Even though Namjoon gave you continuous attention regardless of where he was in the world, you somehow manage to believe in the filthy tabloids.

Joon closed his eyes at your nonsense and shook his head. “Shut up!” He covered your mouth with a quick kiss. A comforting warm kiss, one you craved for after a long day with your nose in the books, hours spent at the part-time job. A greeting kiss, but it was more than just a greeting to you. It welcomed you to another side of Joon. A sensitive side that you only get to see because… well, you’re his girlfriend. You’re special to him.

He slowly pulled away and caught your gaze, “I’m just an ordinary guy, Y/n, nothing is going to change that. Nobody is going to make me different from who I already am. I love you. I don’t love them.” His hand held your chin up to make sure you stayed in view. “I have you and I’m happy with that. Why can’t you see that?”

Doubts portrayed in your thoughts for a few moments. Thinking that he’s just saying these things to make you feel better. Your mind was so clouded with these dirty lies, that you felt self-conscious about yourself. Were you even good enough for Kim Namjoon?

“I-I’m sorry” snuck out of your mouth.

“No. I’m sorry.”

You gave Joon a puzzled look, why is he saying he’s sorry? He wasn’t in the wrong.

“If I was giving you the proper treatment of what a boyfriend should do, you wouldn’t feel this way. Right here, right now.” He leaned in once again and kissed you softly. Hands outlining your face. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him across you and onto the bed. The kiss deepened and his tongue glazed over your slightly parted lips.

“You shouldn’t be sorry at all.” You whispered against his lips, heated breath fanning across his flesh. “You do plenty for me, you’re really generous to me Namjoon. And… I’m so sorry for doubting you for a second.”

Of course, you had an idea of what it’d be like to date someone famous. He’d be much busier than a typical boyfriend, he’d travel further, and gone for periods of time. You were well aware of this, and for a good amount of time it really didn’t bother you. Namjoon always felt like he was holding you back, but he loves you too much to let you go. Far too many conversations like this have come up in the past between the two of you. Between the ‘talking’ stages to the ‘dating’ stages, and now officially together, you two have chatted about the toll of a full on relationship may cost.

But this didn’t stop either of you. Even when you tried taking things slow, seeing how things felt and figuring out if you were suited for this sort of lifestyle, you two gradually connected back to another. Namjoon couldn’t stay away from you for too long, and you were always welcoming him back with open arms. He was loyal to you. You understood him the most and when there were times he couldn’t express himself properly, you were there to help.

Laying down, Joon rested his head on your shoulder and wrapped an arm around your stomach lazily. One of your hands mindlessly toyed around with the strands of his hair as the other found place over his forearm.

“I understand why you felt the way you did; I really do.” He spoke in a sotto voce. “Y/n, I get curious too.”

Joon was referencing that he, himself, thinks about the possibilities of you being influenced by other men. Especially if he’s away, he puts all trust into you, but it doesn’t stop his overthinking mind to wonder. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for you, maybe he was holding you back. He was afraid of tying you down if you weren’t happy with the situation you were in. Namjoon always swallowed his negative thoughts, dismissing them because he rather focus on the future and being happy.

Your grip tightened around him, not knowing what to really say back to him. Feeling guilty in more than one way now. “Joon –“

“I love you, Y/n.”

He remained resting his head on your shoulder with his eyes closed. He casted a soothing and calm aura with how relaxed he became. He doesn’t like a hostile environment and the tiniest of squabbles are typically unnecessary and overreacted. He preferred to just talk it out, communicate with another to know what is really going on.

You kissed the top of his head, sniffing his hair and intaking a fresh vanilla scent. The wisps of hair folding under your fingers as you slightly groomed him. “I love you too, Joon. I really am sorry.”

Joon was happy having you, honestly. You gave him energy, satisfaction and your undivided attention. He never expected you to be as good to him that you already were. He couldn’t ask for more from you, he’s already taking up so much of your commitments and he tries hard to always make it up. Dinners, dates, cute surprise visits, facetime and random texts in the middle of the day when he’s thinking about you. He knew effort and communication were strong keys to hold the two of you together and he always tried his hardest to maintain these.

Again, you had a strong idea on how your relationship with Joon would be like. And you accepted it. You want it because you want him, and that was enough for you to say yes to him after the seventh date together at the aquarium two summers ago. His hands were in the touch tanks, searching around for cute little critters and lightly petting against their various skins. Spotting some fascinating crabs and he described to you how you reminded him of them.

It was playful, he was joking around trying to get you to smile even more that day. But the best thing about that day was when he turned to you, with salted wet hands from the tank he grabbed yours in return and stared deeply into your eyes. Asking if you’d like to take the relationship in seriousness, wanting to be official. At that moment you could care less that your hand was drenched with cold water, you only cared about the tall, handsome man that was holding that hand.

You were content, laying with Joon on your shared bed. Feeling enveloped with love and adoration. Suddenly he leaned up, hobbling himself over you and pecked your nose. He had a spark in his eye, something he tucked away in his mind but now lit up momentarily. He smiled down at you, listening to you giggle, “What?” you questioned.

“Hold on, I have to grab something. Wait right here.” He pointed at you with a finger, warning you to stay put. His grin had a hint of mischievous humor behind it as he got up off the bed, walking out the room and down the stairs towards the kitchen area. You can hear Namjoon rummaging through bags, drawers, you name it. You thought to yourself, what is he even doing out there?

“Joonie?” Your voice rang out loud enough to stretch the area of the house. You sat up, looking around the room but your hearing zoned in on the muffled sounds that were coming from downstairs.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he vocalized with a honeyed tone.

You can hear the patter of his feet, trailing up the steps and patting back into the bedroom. He smiled fondly at you as he entered, walking back over and sitting besides you. He claimed that he was grabbing something, but you didn’t recognize anything being carried in when he returned. You were perplexed to say the least as your eyes searched around.

Namjoon noticed your gaze that scanned in all directions, amusing him on how easily curious you were. His dimple shining bright he raised an eyebrow, “Lookin’ for something?”

Slightly offended, because that question had an obvious answer to it, and you didn’t understand what was going on. You cocked your head to the side, quirking a frown, “Well yeah, you said you were grabbing something?”

He smirked, holding your hand in his as his other hand shoved into his pocket to pull out a Prussian blue box, handing it over to you. He nodded, edging you to open the top.

You swore right then and there your heart stopped beating. You thought your holy spirit drained your body and elevated up to the heavens at the sight of this small thinned cardboard box. Completely unaware of what the contents that lay within it, but your mind went racing straight to one thing. Holy shit, holy shit. This can’t be happening? Like this? It’s so sudden and random? This didn’t feel right.

Your eyebrows raised practically to your hairline, eyes wide and mouth frozen. You hesitantly held the box between your digits, glancing up at Namjoon with a tiny bit of unsettlement in your eyes. You felt your heart in your throat, pounding loudly over the nerves that coursed in your skin.

“Open it.”

The saliva that accumulated in your mouth was swallowed thickly with a gulp, flipping over the lid to the box and seeing a shiny silver object inside. It took you seconds to register the thingamajig, observing that it was some sort of flat, circled charm that had your name, address, and number engraved onto it. You were processing the information in your mind, a small sigh of relief exhaled through your nostrils that it wasn’t something extreme like a ring or anything.

“A… tag?”

“Mhm! I was going to give it to you after dinner, but we never finished our meal.” He chimed in with a playful banter.

“Why a tag?” The gift was random and completely out of the blue. But the gift itself was even more unusual than expected. Not once in your life has someone gifted you a tag with your contact information on it, were you supposed to wear this around a necklace, a keychain perhaps?

Joon takes the charm with the pads of two of his fingers, flipping it over to the other side. “So you can fill out this side with its name!”

Then… it clicked. Oh my. A tag. A dog tag. You two were getting a dog?! You gasped; emotions ran ecstatic through you as you jumped up with joy. “A dog?!”

Delighted that he brought jubilation to you, he stood up holding your arms to help you stop springing off the floor. He chuckled, “Yes! I figured you needed someone to keep you company during the times that I’m not here for you. I know how much you love animals too, so I wanted to ask if you’d like to get one.”

You locked lips with Joon. Throwing your arms around his neck, dropping the box in the process, and pulled him closer to your body. Eagerness racing through your muscles as you leaped yourself off the floor and linking your legs around his waist. He caught you under your thighs, laughing into the kiss as he brought you back to the bed.

He cradled your body, supporting himself on top of you has you leaned back down on the fabric below. Running your hands up and down his arms, he deepened the kiss. Both of you captivated with another and riveting another’s attention to a now quickly heated session.

You tugged on his bottom lip that was more dominate than the top, grazing your teeth on the tinted pink flesh. He inhaled sharply, feeling his heartbeat fasten as his body anticipates upcoming actions. And yours did the same. Namjoon was tender handling you, a more amorous side taking over his persona.

His smooth chap-stick covered lips butterflied across your dried-up cheeks. Stamping warm kisses to your flesh as he trailed down to your jaw and peppering along the column of your neck. This wasn’t some sort of hot n’ heavy, steamy romantic session. He was gentle, he took his time, he was intimate with you. You can feel it in the air, in your bones and most importantly you felt it in your swelling heart.

It was sweet, the warmhearted feeling that took over your body because of Namjoon. Hushed giggles and bashful laughter crowded the room. A fun-loving atmosphere. And you were completely smitten by it all.

“May I take this off?” Hands curled around the material of your shirt slightly lifting it up to the underside of your breasts. Rubbing his thumbs along the bare skin below your bra.

Biting down on your bottom lip, you flashed an excited smile in reply, “As long as I can take yours off.”

Joon looked smug, lifting your shirt up and off your torso. He went to lean down to connect his lips back onto your skin, but you caught him before he could fully commit. Yanking his shirt high up his chest until you couldn’t hoist it any further since his arms where in the way. He laughed at your antic, how cute it was and enthusiastic you were. But he obliged and lifted his arms up for you.

There was no time to waste, Joon sloped back down on you. Pecking his plump lips on your collarbone and down towards the valley between your boobs. Feeling how soft your skin was, lightly nibbling at it. You hummed through your nose, arching your back into Joon’s face, urging him to continue.

One of his manly hands cuffed your left breast as his mouth connected to your right, open mouth kisses and softly sucking at it. You released a tiny moan, enjoying the sensation that was being stimulated on your breasts.

And boy, you were so sensitive on your boobs. Especially when he toyed with your nipples, moistening them up with his mouth and rolling the buds between his fingers. It wired you, Namjoon played with you like an etch-a-sketch. It feels fantastic. Waves of goosebumps cycling across your skin as he continued running his tongue across your aroused nipples, making sure to give the other boob the same attention. You mewed for him; the blush drawn on your upper cheeks as your body grew hotter under his touches.

He reached behind you with a hand, unclasping the hook of the bra and allowing the fabric to relieve your delicate girls. Turning you on was Joon’s pleasure, he cared about pleasing you more than being pleased. He could spend all day groping your tits if that means you’ll be satisfied.

You were easily wet; the games Joon played with your boobs sparking your nerves and arousal. Prepping your body for more, aching for more of his gentle touch.

Daringly you reached your hand between the two of you, palming at whatever you made contact with until you found a stiffening bulged that stuck out with the fabric of his pants. You can feel the warmth radiating through his region, heated up and you knew very well he wants to reintroduce his member to you.

“Joon – take off your pants.” You ordered in a hushed tone. Squeezing at his dick. “My body really wants you right now.”

As your sweet voice compelled his ears, he listened. Shuffling his pants off with a smirk and a light shake of his head. “I wanted to touch you a bit more.” Giving you a small pout.

“Aww.” You smiled, seeing the little kid of him. “You can touch me with this big boy instead.” You tried sounding a bit sexy, almost kitten-like as you eyed his member.

Willingly you unbuttoned your own jeans, tugging them down your thighs and letting Joon help you with the rest. His fingers ran up to your undies that remained on your frame, seeing the cute little ocean doodled pattern on them with a dampened and darker spot that was clung to the outline of your lady-lips. He was turned on and completely in awe of how cute you are.

“Why do you do this to me?” he laughed, feeling happy with you and hooking his fingers around the thin waistband of your undies. Towing them down your legs with a fit of giggles.

You blushed; a bit embarrassed at your attire but not even self-conscious being completely nude in front of him. “I don’t know – I just thought they were cute!” You retorted back fast.

“They are cute. You’re even cuter for wearing them.” He chirped.

Namjoon swooped back down, placing his hand over your mound and letting a finger dip in between your folds. Sliding your natural lubrication all over he glided it over your clit, making you moan in the process. Your hands found their way into his hair, fluffing it up even more while Joon teased at your entrance.

“Your body really does want me, huh? I don’t think I even need to use my fingers.”

Nodding, you bucked your hips up chasing his floating fingers. Wishing he’d do something more with them than just shifting between all your lady bits. “Let me get a condom.”

You reached over to the bedside table, pulling out a drawer to frantically search for the magical package that contained the secure rubber. Swiftly you ripped it open, offering to help apply it along his length. You pinched the tip of the latex, rolling the rest down his long shaft and giving his dick a few teasing tugs.

Joon groaned at your touch, flexing his dick in the process of your pumps. He was more than ready to take you in, ready to share the closeness with you once again.

With that, Joon pushed you back down on the bed. Lifting one of your legs over his hip as he centered himself at your core. Your slick allowing him to slide between your folds effortlessly as he prodded his tip in your hole.

You held your breath, anticipating Joon to fill you up all the way to the hilt. You want to feel him inside you, widening your walls and your body vibrating around him. He locked eyes with you, smiling as he leaned down to plant another kiss on your lips. In sync he inched himself further into you, a grunt escaping his chest as you disconnected yourself from the kiss to breathe. You tossed your head to the side, latched your hands around his shoulders as Joon set a pace with his thrusts.

Your body missed Joon so much, you didn’t even have control over how your cunt clenched tightly around his dick. Your walls compressed in a series of movements; your cunt thirsty for him. Breathy gasps leaving your mouth once Namjoon whispers to the skin between your neck, “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful like this. Ah – Y/n, you’re so wet.”

Earlier you felt a deep ache within your chest from the persistent pain of worry and hurt. But now, all of that washed over. You feel something deep, but not from pain. Not from the obvious penetration from Joon’s lengthy cock kissing the doorway of your cervix. You feel deep feelings, words and actions not able to compare to the affection and fondness between the two of you.

You felt warm, completely at ease even though you’re sweating, catching your breath, sensitive nerves awakening to the sexual stimulation between your legs. A heavy body on top of you, pounding his dick into your sweet succulent juices. His hips banging into you, his head stuck in the crane of your neck.

This warm feeling overruled all physical activities and all auditable sounds. But what it couldn’t stop was the twisting of your lower abdomen muscles, the stiffening of your walls and tense grip over Joon’s shoulders. Your body reacting on its own agenda. Your throat feeling dry from the open mouth breathing, you tried speaking but only moans were formed.

Namjoon can read you like a book, knew exactly what to do when to do it. He fully enjoyed the way your body reacted to him, how simple of a task for him to pleasure you in this way. Your cries from pleasure giving him excitement that he was treating you the way you deserve.

“Joon I’m – I’m close!” you panted, feeling that orgasm rolling closer and closer to a release.

As much as both Joon and you wanted you to spasm all around him, he stalled it. Delaying you from the contractions of your pelvic muscles that would send electrifying waves all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes. He stopped all actions, halting himself deep inside you and slowly rocked his hips to continue a small force of friction between the two of you.

Your body was frustrated, your cunt was soaked, and you were vexed. “Joonie?” you whined out, bucking your hips up into him. Feeling that build up in the pit of your stomach slowly fade away.

Joon leaned up, kissing your cheek. He hummed to himself, satisfied with the state the both of you were in. “I would love to stay like this forever. Do you feel this?”

Do you feel this, Y/n? The sensation filling the room, the air, your heart. The thrill that frenzied in your veins and muscles. Flushed, excited, ecstatic, blissed out of your mind. The feeling Joon raptures you with, sending your body to a state of euphoria. It was wild. You didn’t feel normal, but it was the best feeling you could ever experience with another. And this is what Namjoon wanted to continuously feel.

Without notice, tears fell from your eyes as you nodded to his statement. You weren’t sad or upset, but in complete awe over Joon. How could someone be this perfectly imperfect? How could someone be so sweet for you. And you still question yourself if you were even good enough for Kim Namjoon.

He whipped away the tears that shed onto your skin, hushing you. “You don’t need to cry, Y/n. Believe me, I already know the way you feel.” Because… he feels it too.

With the little room you were given, you wrapped your arms around Joon as much as possible. He smiled down at you, returning the hug and rolling the two of you over with him still pivoted inside. You now lay above him, peering down into his eyes you went to speak. The movement of your body caused your pelvis to rub against his, squishing your swollen clit against him and bursting a shriek out of your mouth when you snapped back into reality.

The heightened arousal between your legs was still on edge and ready to burst. Joon bit down on his bottom lip once he felt your pussy clench around him. The experience between the both of you was riveting but was soon going to vanish because of the greediness your bodies had. Your mouth dropped open, “I love you” spilled out without wavering.

Namjoon’s hands rested on your sides, holding your waist as you slowly grinded yourself against him. Allowing his dick to swirl inside of you while your sensitive bud rubbed against his pelvic bone. You couldn’t help yourself; your body had a mind of its own when it rushed itself back up the stairs to orgasm. And you got there, fast.

Your body jerked; your hands planted on Joon’s chest to hold yourself upright as you released yourself all over him. Unfolding all the pent-up energy and feelings. Your hair cascaded over your face with labored breathing, groans ascending out of your mouth. “Joon, I – I, I going to – Joon – Ahh!” you squeaked out once the second wave coursed through your cunt, expanding a pulsating vibration through your body.

“So beautiful. Fuck – Y/n, you’re so damn beautiful!” Joon watched every second of you coming undone on him, seeing how you squirmed around him, using his body for your own pleasure, moaning his name. In a selfish way, Namjoon felt fulfillment seeing you like this – all displayed for him to treasure and praise. It turned him on, hearing your voice singing into his ears as he jutted himself up further into your moisten cunt. Over stimulating your nether region, he was determined to make you go one last time before he spills into the condom.

You’re barely holding yourself up straight, hunched over with your palms placed on his torso. Sweat formed along your hairline and between the contact of your skin with his. The mixture of your sweet n’ salty juices shining along your lady-lips and Joon’s cock. Before you could call out his name in another breathless voice, he has your mounds in each of his hands, squeezing them tight and pinching at your perked nipples.

You gripped at his wrists, letting out a shocked plea for him to stop because the sensation was so good that you couldn’t handle it. “Joon!”, you choked out, gasping for air as you tried to lift your body off his. He refused.

He flipped you back over, Joon locking your hands above your head with one hand around your wrists. He didn’t care for the mess on the bed, the tossed pillows and taunted comforter beneath the two of you. Your attempt of wiggling out of his grasp was a failure after he pinned you down with his body. Dick hovering over your delicate pussy.

“One more time, for me.” His voice was stern and serious while he murmured into your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“I – I can’t!” Your chest heaved erratically, feeling your legs already shake and stomach contracting from the multiple orgasms you’ve already encountered. You felt weak.

“You will, love.”

Your request was again, hushed. Namjoon tilting his hips for his dick to dip back into your entrance, he placed kisses on the crook of your neck. Your breath hitched, throwing your head back into the bed, feeling Joon slam himself deep inside you, causing your nerves to shudder.

You struggled for air, body completely trembling uncontrollably as you cried out for Namjoon. You swore your vision went blurry while you received this mind-blowing orgasm. Joon held onto you tight, allowing you to ride out your high. Slowly pulling himself out of you once he knew you were finished.

Namjoon and you laid close to another, exhausted from the physical activity and especially from the toll your body took. Your eyes shut, not able to lift your body off the bed. Joon smirked, giving you another peck on the cheek before leaning up to discard the used condom, knotting it and tossing it in the trash bin. “You’re so beautiful, Y/n.”

You laughed, shaking your head to yourself. “I heard you the first time, Joon.”

“I know.” He chuckled, laying back down and wrapping his arm back around you. “I mean it every time.”

You hummed in response. Tracing sluggish patterns on his forearm with your index finger. You slowly drifted further into your tiredness. “We’re still getting a dog, right?” You drowsily asked.

You felt a soft pair of warm lips contact your forehead; the sensation was comforting. “Of course, babe.”

About a week later you were staring out the window, watching the scenic views pass by. Acres of landscape in the countryside took up the area. The environment felt fresh and calm. Much different from the inner-city area with nonstop traffic and busy streets. You turned your gaze at Namjoon who was driving the car, his eyes remained on the dirt road ahead, but he could sense your stare.

As if he knew what you were thinking, he spoke up “Almost Y/n, the farm is about 2 miles up.”

You smirked to yourself, looking down at the palm of your hand that held the shiny silver dog tag. You fiddled with the metal, twisting the item back and forth between your digits. Anticipating the new addition to the house, a furry companion, hopefully the cutest puppy in the world.

The two of you slowly pulled up an extended driveway, parking in front of an old tiny brown snug farmhouse. A large red barn hidden behind the home, attached was a large fence that enclosed a few goats and pigs. A pack of stray chickens roaming around the grounds. Shutting the car doors, the smell of the plantation entered your nostrils, “Definitely a farm.”

You were greeted by an elder couple, warm smiles dressing their wrinkly faces. They were dressed as if they were in the middle of housework, tall muk boots, overalls and plaid shirts. “Hello there! You’re here for one of the pups?”

Joon reached out to lace his hand with yours, walking over towards the sweet couple. Charming and innocent eyes beamed back at you two. “Hey there! I’m Namjoon, and this is Y/n! We spoke over the phone!” Joon perked up, pulling you along with his strides.

The older couple waved Joon and you on, walking the both of you towards the barn in the back. Having small talk in between the short distance, hearing cute comments about the various animals you passed on the way.

“That’s Molly over there, Mama of the litter.” The older man pointed out a dog laying down in the pasture, her coat was a dark golden tone and it shined in the sunlight. She was watching over at your area, observing the new persons that entered her home. She sniffed the air as the breeze picked up, letting her head lay back down on the ground, but her eyes never left yours.

A loud creaking sound snapped your head towards the barn, watching the woman open up the doors wide for you to enter. Joon and you followed in after the couple, stopping short at a stall on the left. You heard little yips and yaps from the other side of the wall that fenced in the young pups.

You peaked over the edge, instantly widening your eyes when you see six little furry golden retriever puppies playing around with another. All varying in different shades of gold and creams. Your excitement caused you to clutch Joon’s hand tight.

“Oh my god! They’re so cute!”

“You want to go inside? Sometimes it’s easier for you to choose once you spend some time with them.” The older gentleman gestured, unlocking the latch to the wooden door and popping it slightly open, making sure he doesn’t allow any of the pups escape the corridor.

You glanced at Joon quickly, getting reassurance from him before eagerly nodding your head and walking into the pit. Immediately you fell to your knees, allowing any of the puppies to come running on over and jumping up on you. Their fur was so soft, angel-like and had that sweet puppy smell to them. You giggled with the six rambunctious babies. Grabbing a few chew toys and loose rope to play around with. You were happy, completely lucky to be blessed with these cute little ones in front of you.

You took your time with each of the pups, feeling out which one would be yours. Of course, you were tickled pink with glee, and wanted each of them. You joked with Joon briefly, giving him puppy-dog eyes and asked him if you could adopt them all. But unfortunately, you could only choose one. You were so indulged with playing with the puppies you didn’t realize how much time you spent with them. It’s been over twenty minutes before you heard a voice directed towards you.

“Did you find a new friend?” Joon spoke softly towards you. He leaned over the gate, smiling down at how cute you looked with a pile of puppies flooding your space. But he noticed that there was one puppy curled up in your lap, tuckered out and resting itself.

You looked up at Joon, trying to hold back your smile. “I think one found me!”

Then it was decided. The small, dark golden fur ball that laid across your thighs was going to be the newest addition to your world. You exited the stall, carefully holding the puppy in your arms. Joon giving it a small pet on its head before turning back to the cute elders.

“Thank you so much, you were so kind to us. Thank you for allowing us to adopt.” He flashed a smile to them. You thanked them as well, nodding your appreciation while trying not to disturb the sleeping pup.

Joon handed you the keys to head back to the car as he fished through his back pocket for his wallet to pay the man. You walked through the frame of the barn, turning your head back to the older dog named Molly. There was a slight ache in your heart, feeling bad that you were taking away one of her babies. Your smiled towards the animal, thinking that it would settle the upsetting feeling inside your chest.

“Excuse me, Miss?” A deep modulated voice, coming from what seemed to be the elder man, rang through your ears.

Questionably, you turned on your heels, facing back towards the inside of the barn. But you were caught completely off guard when there was a body before you. Down on one knee, with a box raised up between his hand, Namjoon smiled up at you. The black velvet box cracked open, flashing a sparkly stone.

“Y/n.”

You froze, feelings swelling your heart up. You felt your heartbeat in your throat when your jaw dropped. If it wasn’t for the exhausted puppy in your arms you’d probably fall straight down to the floor. This is happening. Holy shit.

Namjoon cleared his throat, realizing he has your full attention. “Y/n… words, actions, even music, cannot express the feelings I have for you. The amount of love I have towards you is unexplainable. I want you to know that I appreciate every waking moment with you, from the very first day you entered my life. Thank you for always being there, for always making me happier, for supporting everything. You are the greatest woman I know, and selfishly I wish to ask you for your hand in marriage because I want you all to myself for the rest of my life.” He spoke confidently, glistening in his eyes he smiled with each word that he admitted.

“Y/n, will you marry me?”

Tears fell down your cheeks, your eyes flickering back and forth between Joon and the ring that was bestowed in front of you. Your hand came up to your mouth as your sobbed out loud, shaking your head in reply.

“Yes! – Yes, oh my god yes I will!” You choked on your words, but they were clear enough for Joon to hear.

You rushed yourself towards Joon, wanting to hold him. Joon catches you by your arms, not allowing you to crash yourself into him because of the puppy that you were holding. He held you around your back, pecking your cheek as he held your hand still as he linked the jewelry to your ring-finger. He snuggled against your head while he back hugged you tightly. The puppy, now fully awake from all the commotion, was wiggling around and licking at your crying face.

You heard camera clicks, the sound alerting you to look up at the older couple who each were recording and snapping photos of the scene in front of them. You smiled, half embarrassed but also filled with joy.

Sniffling, your eyes met Joon’s, “You paid them for this?”

“I had offered, but they said that a time like this is priceless.”

One last picture was taken of a smiling newly engaged couple with a brand-new puppy in their arms.

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sad-goomy · 4 years

Text

confessions

Day 4 of Postwickshipping Week

Read on Ao3

Victor is tired.

Partly because he just got back from an expedition to Mt. Coronet and his body has yet to adjust to the shifting time zones.

Also partly because Sonia’s sick today, leaving him and Hop to actually run the lab, and it’s required a lot more running around on errands than he expected.

But mostly because he’s had to watch his twin and his best friend moon over each other for years now, and it’s all culminated into the nearly half-hour long rant that Hop has been going on as they care for the lab’s garden, going on and on about how he doesn’t want to make things weird, but Gloria’s so great, and he thinks he’s been dropping hints but he’s not sure if they’ve been clear, and, and, and...

And Victor is tired.

He sets down his watering can, letting out an exasperated sigh that cuts Hop off mid-sentence before turning to him and grabbing his shoulders, forcing him to stay quiet and look at him as he signs.

Tell her.

Hop blinks, fumbling with the clipboard and pencil in his hands as he looks off to the right, at the spliced berry tree that he’s supposed to be taking notes on. His voice is small, the shyness such a stark contrast to his usual self that Victor drops his shoulders, slightly more sympathetic as Hop mumbles, “But what if she doesn’t feel the same?”

Honestly, it’s a wonder Victor’s put up with this for so long. His face falls into a deadpan. She does.

“Are you sure?”

If looks could kill, Hop would be buried six feet under the spliced berry tree.

Instead, he swallows hard, gripping his clipboard tighter as Victor finally lightens up on the death glare. With a deep breath, Hop runs a hand through his hair, the pen in his hand very nearly getting snagged on a tangle. “How though?”

The garden grows quiet for a moment as the two think, Victor tilting his head before shaking it, quickly signing, Gloria’s a bit dense. Be straightforward and just tell her.

He’s right, of course; as much as the two love her, they also know that the Champion’s always a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to things like romance. Besides, it’s better to keep things clear, to avoid the awkward confusion of a messy confession that’ll only drag things out.

But Hop feels his hands grow clammy at just the idea of saying the words straight to her face, and he loses his appetite at the thought that there’s still a chance she can reject him. As he turns back to his observations, Victor picking up the watering can once more, he decides it can’t hurt to get a second opinion on what to do.

...

Marnie agreed to meet up with him a few days later, in between her gym challenges. They’d sat on the stage, her listening as he rambled on about his dilemma, because as embarrassed as he might be, Marnie’s always been a good listener.

She nodded her head sagely before taking a sip from her water bottle. “I’m no good with this stuff,” she sighed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, “But you could send her a song. Something romantic. Tell her she should listen and it made you think of her.”

It’s certainly less nerve-wracking than saying it to her face, but now Hop finds himself lying on his bed, agonizing over the exact phrasing. Eventually, he decides on the second version of the text that he concocted, adds in an emoji, and shoots off the text along with a link to the song (something from a new favorite band of his and a bit on the nose with lyrics about falling for the girl next door).

From: Hopscotch [20:13] heard this and thought of you :) lmk what you think

He then tosses his phone onto the opposite side of the bed, burying his face in his hands to keep from calling her and taking it back, playing it all off as a joke.

A few minutes later, his phone buzzes, and his stomach turns as he slowly picks it up, checking her response with his heart hammering in his chest.

From: Glowstick [20:18] Wow, that was really good! I’ll have to check out more of their stuff :D

From: Glowstick [20:19] You always know the coolest music

Hop stares at his screen in silence for the longest three minutes of his life, and then he lets his phone fall on his face as he groans with the realization that she didn't catch any of the romantic intention and he’ll have to try something else.

...

Bede was absolutely smug, and it took every ounce of self-control within Hop to not start a fight immediately. After all, the Ballonlea gym leader took time out of his day to meet with him at the lab, even if he immediately launched into how silly he thought this entire thing was.

With a far too haughty look on his face, Bede rolled his eyes and told him, “Get her a gift, something undeniably romantic – flowers maybe, although jewelry would be better. You both have bad taste, I’m sure she’ll like whatever you pick out.”

Mild insults aside, it wasn’t terrible advice, and so Hop finds himself in the Wyndon Stadium locker room, sitting on a bench and waiting for Gloria to finish up her training session. He slides a long box out of the inside pocket of his jacket, fidgeting with it in his hands. He chose a simple golden locket, something small that he can easily picture her wearing, but heart-shaped because...that’s romantic, right? Friends don’t usually get each other heart-shaped jewelry – there's no way this could be ambiguous.

Footsteps draw his eyes to the entrance, his foot bouncing as quickly as his heart beats while he waits. A moment later, Gloria appears, spotting him with a warm smile as she greets, “Fancy seeing you here! You should’ve texted me; I’d wrap up training a little earlier.”

“Just wanted to surprise you.” He stands, fumbling with the box as he turns and watches her walk past him and open her locker. His hands are getting sweaty, and if he fusses any more with the ribbon on the box he’ll ruin the delicate wrapping, so the second she has her jacket and bag on, closing her locker, he holds out the necklace box. She blinks, raising a brow at him as he quickly stammers, “I uh, got you something.”

Her smile is back, if a tad confused as she adjusts her grip on her bag. “What for?”

“Just...because.”

“You’re real sweet,” she says, sending his heart soaring only for it to plummet a moment later when she gently pushes his hand holding the box back towards his chest, adding sheepishly, “But I don’t have anything for you.”

Hop shakes his head. “That’s fine, really.”

“I know, I know, but...” She fidgets with the sleeves of her jacket, cheeks taking on a shade of pink that has him nearly distracted from his mission with how adorable it is. When she glances back up at him, she gives him a wink. “Well, I just feel bad. Save it for my birthday?”

He could scream. She’s never been good with gifts, and he knows that, so he doesn’t know why he expected anything else from her. Gloria gets too shy about being doted on, is always so quick to deflect it.

With a defeated smile, he slides the box back into his pocket, because if he says anything else, tries to get her to open it at this point, then he’ll have to actually tell her how he feels and that is just about the last thing he wants to do now.

The air between them is slightly awkward, so she clears her throat, looping her arm around his as she asks, “Since you came all the way here, wanna grab a bite? My treat.”

He very nearly tells her that now she’s the one who’s giving him something, that he wants to spoil her like she always finds a way to spoil him, but she’s giving him that one crooked little smile that has him simply smiling back, nodding as they walk out of the locker room.

There’s always next time.

...

Leon was no help.

Sonia was a little more help.

They were his last resort, because sure enough, when he approached the two in the living room while they were cuddled up on the couch and asked for advice, he had to suffer half an eternity of teasing, only for Leon to then have the nerve to shamelessly declare, “Oh, I didn’t confess to Sonia.”

She snuggled closer into his side, smirking at Hop’s absolutely disgruntled expression as she explained, “Lee was even worse than Gloria. I basically had to kiss him for him to realize.” Hop paled at that, calculations running through his mind as she tilted her head, slightly confused. “But haven’t you tried just telling her?”

He’d quickly excused himself after that, not giving them the satisfaction of seeing the brilliant blush on his cheeks as he escaped back to his room.

A blush that’s now making a comeback as he sits next to Gloria on a mossy fence on Route 1, Sonia’s words reverberating in his head.

Stealing a glance at her out of the corner of his eye proves to be a mistake, as he flushes three shades deeper at the sight of her smiling peacefully out at the fields, her bare legs swinging in the warm breeze that ruffles her dress.

Of course, Hop has thought about kissing her before, in a situation not unlike this one. But there’s a huge hurdle from thinking to doing, one he can’t quite push himself to make, no matter how long the silence stretches.

“I’m glad we still get to see each other so often.” She looks up at him, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear before smiling wide, and he swears his heart stops for a moment. “I was nervous we’d both be too busy, and I didn’t know what I was gonna do without my best mate.”

Well, he can’t not kiss her after that.

Still, he hesitates, looking down at her with wide eyes as she turns her attention back to the hills. Before he can overthink it, he leans down, his lips brushing against her warm cheek for a fraction of a second, and then he’s pulling as far back as possible, bracing himself for the worst.

She blinks, lips parted as she catches his eye, and he thinks, mercifully, that she finally understands.

And then Gloria’s leaning over and pulling him into a half hug as she coos, “Lucky to have such a cute best friend.”

Which is...is that a rejection? Hop looks down at her, his own arm wrapping around her shoulder to return the hug even as the gears in his head work overtime to make sense of what’s just happened. It could be a soft “no,” but she’s smiling up at him without a hint of discomfort or surprise. A sense of dread creeps over him as he realizes that she took it platonically, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise.

“Yeah, me too,” he mumbles instead.

It’s true, but it’s not the whole truth, and so Hop plasters on a smile and fights the urge to tell her that she’s his very best friend and so much more to him.

...

Victor is so tired.

Hop relays every failed confession to him when they’re at work, and because Victor is a good friend he listens, and he laments along with him, and he keeps himself from pulling out “I told you so.” Instead, he exercises the patience of a saint, and that’s wearing him out quickly when he realizes that at this rate it’ll be another ten years before this mess takes care of itself.

And if he has to put up with this for even just another week, he’s going to pass out from exhaustion.

He’s in the back of the lab with Hop, going through slides of Wishing Stars, when the front door opens. Sonia’s voice chirps from the kitchen, “Hey Gloria!”

Victor looks up from his microscope to see Hop next to him, body frozen and eyes wide with fear as Gloria’s voice carries through the air. “Hi Sonia – is Hop here?”

“In the back with Vic.”

“Is it okay if I borrow him for a second?”

Hop looks around, sheer panic written on his face, and his eyes settle on the broom closet. Acting on pure instinct, he begins walking towards it, only for Victor cut him off and grab him by the arm, ignoring his weak protests as he drags the other assistant towards the front.

Sonia and Gloria glance over at them, their conversation grinding to a halt at the sight of Victor frowning as he drags a reluctant Hop behind him.

“Is now a bad time?” Gloria asks, question ending in a giggle as Hop breaks free of Victor’s grasp. Sonia raises a brow at the two before shaking her head, turning back to her tea and datasheets at the kitchen table. The Champion shifts her weight, looking between the pair of assistants as she adds, “Victor said you had something to tell me.”

Every ounce of color drains out of Hop’s face as he lifts his hands, glancing around and desperate to avoid her eyes. “Oh, n-no, not–”

Forget if looks could kill.

The glare that Victor gives him wouldn’t even leave a body to identify.

Hop swallows hard, turning back to Gloria with a nervous smile. “Can we talk outside?”

She nods, a worried wrinkle forming between her brows as they walk out the front door. He leans against one of the front windows of the lab, thankful that the street is relatively empty. Gloria stands next to him, arms behind her back as she looks up at him, patient and confused.

Hop meets her eyes for a second, and it’s too much, so he looks back down at his feet as he scratches the back of his neck.

“Is everything okay?” Her voice isn’t quite worried, but it’s not as playful as it once was, which sends him into another panic because the last thing he ever wants to do is worry her.

“Yeah, it’s not...well, I guess it’s important, but it’s not anything serious. Er, maybe it is? I’m not...”

His voice peters off into a weak mumble, and his hands slowly stop gesticulating to instead hang strangely in front of his chest. He very nearly cuts his losses then and there, deciding he’d rather just go back inside and pretend this never happened than embarrass himself further, but Gloria has a sparkle in her eyes as she laughs behind her hand, guiltily amused at his strange display.

The corner of his lips quirks up, and he shoves his hands into his pockets as the sound of her giggles helps untie the knot of anxiety in his chest. “Should probably just spit it out, shouldn’t I?”

“Probably,” she says with a faux-sage nod, the remnants of her laughter forming a lopsided smile.

But looking at her while thinking of what he’s about to say makes his stomach turn, so he shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath as his brows knit together in concentration.

“I like you.”

He’s not sure what he expects, but it’s not the silence that follows. Hop cracks open one eye, only to find that Gloria’s looking at him, clearly confused as she chuckles, “Well yeah, I should hope so.”

His shoulders drop as that all too familiar sensation of missing the mark comes over him. It would be an easy out to take, to spin this all as some elaborate show of friendship, but Hop has come too far to go back now (and he gets the feeling Victor might really murder him at this point).

“No, like,” he falters, struggling to walk the line of not being brave enough to say too much versus being too frustrated to say too little, “As more than a friend.”

“Right, we’re best friends.”

She’s so earnest that it only adds to his frustration, and Hop is torn between laughing and crying as he huffs and plows on. “Have you ever thought about us being more than that?”

Her brows furrow. “I’m not sure what that means.”

“Y’know, best friends but...”

“But?”

“More affectionate.”

“Oh, like when you kissed me on the cheek.”

“Not platonic.”

“I’m just not sure what you’re–”

“Arceus’ sake, Glo, I’m in love with you!”

It’s absurdly quiet in Wedgehurst, making Gloria’s silence all the louder. Hop stares down at her, red-faced and shaking, watching as her face unwinds from confusion and falls slack in surprise. Her eyes are wide with realization as a blush slowly crawls across her cheeks and to the tips of her ears.

She blinks once, twice, and then whispers a breathless, “Oh.”

He nods, and his tongue is too big for his mouth suddenly but he still manages to mumble, “Yeah.”

Her blush goes from carnation to firetruck as she holds his gaze, and then her face breaks into a wide smile that has a swarm of Butterfree flutter in his throat. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He’s mirroring her smile now, and she’s laughing again as she tucks her hair behind her ears, giddy and nervous and finally understanding. The last of the nerves leaves him as he reaches for her hands, slowly intertwining their fingers, searching her face for the slightest sign of hesitation but only finding excitement. “Fair to say you feel the same?”

All she can manage is a nod, biting her lip as she looks up at him.

“Ace.” His eyes are slightly unfocused, glazed over in something hazy and sugary as he unabashedly stares at her lips, too lost in the freedom of finally having it all out there to be self-conscious anymore. “Can I kiss you now?”

With another nod from her, he leans down, brushing his lips against hers until she pulls him further down, deepening it with a smile as he wraps his arms around her like he’s wanted to for as long as he can remember.

...

Sonia takes another sip, feeling just a little creepy that she’s watching one of her assistants and the Champion make out, but then they decided to go and have a romantic moment right in front of her lab’s window. She turns, looking to the chair across from her as she chuckles, “Oi Victor, what did you...”

But the boy is passed out, head resting on his arms as he takes a nap on the table. Sonia gives his sleeping form a sympathetic smile before taking another sip of tea.

“Guess he was tired.”

#postwickshipping #pokemon fanfic #hpyu #postwick week #pokemon swsh #gif #alternate title: victor needs a hard drink and a nap #this one got long #the formatting is def better on ao3 but i made do

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multiplefandomfics · 5 years

Text

Grimes sisters chapter 25

this has gotten a bit longer but still enjoy fellows. And you know feedback is always appreciated :D

Pairings: Daryl x Alex; Negan x Fabienne

Warnings: angst, drama, smut, unprotected sex, slight orgasm denial, rough sex, dom/sub undertones, fights

Words: 3246

Alex POV

I took a place on the patio in the sun and let my thoughts reign freely. Daryl still hadn’t come back and I was starting to worry. He was an excellent hunter and fighter but in his rage even he could have made a mistake. No Alex, you need to push these thoughts away. He will come back! I thought. But where my mind was especially running wild around was the disappointment that had settled in my bones. But what did I expect? That was just Daryl’s nature. When he was overwhelmed with something, he just left without a lot of words and no one knew when or if he was gonna come back. I understood that he needed the time to overthink it all but I just wished he was gonna come to me and let us do this together. I sighed to myself “Congrats to you and Daryl!” I heard Carl behind me who was carrying Judith smiling at me happily. “Thank you.” I smiled back but it didn’t reach my eyes. Too much was going on in my head to let it really sink in that I was carrying a baby inside me. That should have made me much happier than it did. When I looked back behind me Carl had already vanished again.

Rick had taken the news of my pregnancy really good. That wasn’t surprising after all Daryl and Rick were like brothers and I was his sister so I had a bonus. He was really happy and tried to encourage me talking about a future we would build.

Fabienne was a completely different page. Even though she was the older of us two. Rick had told me that he had talked to our sister and that she had tried to flee afterward back to Negan. But I had to admit that I was also on Ricks side. Negan had to make the first move, if he made one at all. Rick just couldn’t live with the thought that Fabienne really loved that guy and was having his baby. I could understand her sadness that came with no one else getting her ways. She had told me how good of a person he was to her. Nice and gentleman-like only out here he was a murdering sociopath. But there had to be an ounce of goodness in him, right? I really wanted to believe that for my sisters sake.

I decided to give the thoughts a rest and went over to help Fabienne with her gardening. Talking was probably gonna help us both. “Hey sweetie.” I greeted her lovingly kissing her cheek. “Hey.” she answered quietly. “Is he back yet?” of course she was talking about Daryl so I shook my head sadly. Together we took care of the plants “You did a good job so far. There seem to be quite a few people who know about planting here.” Fabi said approving. “Well Hershel and Maggie were her in the beginning so they helped us quite a bit and gave up tips on how to make the best out of what we had.” I smiled proudly. After a while of scooting around in the dirt we made a break and sat down on a bench in the midday sun.

“Rick told me that you wanted to bail? Please don’t. It’s Negan’s turn to come to you. I don’t know him as well as you do but don’t you think when he’s calmed down and overcomes his broken pride he will reach out to you?” I asked her and that gave her reason to think about any possible outcome of this situation. Then she just shrugged. Honestly I hated Negan for what he’d done but my sister couldn’t have been mislead that much, could she? She must have found something good in him otherwise she wouldn’t have started all this. Plus she was my sister and as such I could always count on her so I was not blaming her for anything. “I don’t know, Alex. Everyday I’m waiting for him to show but nada, nothing. Not even a letter or a radio call. I don’t know what to do anymore.” she let her head hang low. I needed to reassure her “Hey, together we can make it through this. With or without our guys. We’re strong you know that and we are the best team there is. And look.. our kids are gonna grow up together in this amazing environment we are part of creating.” that finally made her laugh. So our kids were gonna be together and that was a wonderful thought.

Soon after our conversation I said goodbye and went back to the house. I wanted to lay down a bit, after fainting yesterday I was still a bit weak.

Seemed as if I had fallen asleep because I was awoken by a hesitant knock on the door. Exhausted I opened my eyes and recognize Daryl’s posture. Finally he was back.

“Hey.” I greeted him and he just nodded toward me biting his lip in that very cute manner he always did when he was nervous.

“I was worried about you.” I stated shyly.

“’m sorry. didn’t wanna scare you… was jus’ a bit much, ‘s all.” he mumbled.

“And are you clear now on where you stand?” I carefully asked him afraid of the answer.

“I don’t know. I love you and I never thought t’ be a dad but I wanna try wi’ you.” I can’t describe the relief that flooded me at his words. His soft southern slur was music to my ears and I jumped up as fast as I could hugging him tight.

“I love you too and I wanna give you as much space as you need. I’m gonna help you with everything as best as I can. And I saw you with Judith when she was a baby. You will be a great dad because you are the most amazing and loyal person I know. Don’t let your families history control you Daryl. You are good through and through.” I kissed him full of love and passion.

Then the air shifted into lust and pure instinct. “God, Daryl I missed you. I need you now!” I moaned in his hear kissing down his neck. Maybe it was the pent up frustration, maybe the hormones but I really wanted to jump his bones in that moment. Fortunately he didn’t object and kept kissing me vigorously. The next thing I know we had shed all our clothes and he was laying on top of me on our fluffy mattress still kissing the hell out of me. I loved his plump yet kinda fluffy lips. His erection was pressing against my lower belly and I was imagining him deep inside me. But suddenly he stopped all his ministrations and the look in his eyes was one of pure fear. “Isn’t sex gonna hurt the baby?” he asked worriedly. “No baby. It’s still not bigger than a small tomato and you won’t reach it so please keep going we could both need the relaxing activity.” I encouraged him. Obviously I had convinced him because a second later he was pushing inside me. And hell it felt like heaven. Even though he had been insecure in the beginning he was an amazing lover then. “shit that feels good.” he groaned and hit deeper when I slung my legs around his waist. He knew me so well and always found the right angle to make me scream out in pure pleasure. I just hoped that we weren’t too loud. “Oh, god, yes. Right there. Harder Daryl.” I moaned demanding more. “You love it when I fuck you, huh? Love my thick cock stretching you out. Love to be dominated by me? Tell me who do you belong to?” he was so hot when he got like that.

“You baby. I’m all yours. I’m your slut to do with whatever you please.” I submitted to him.

“SAY MY NAME!” he demanded and every word was punctuated by a hard thrust. “Oh god Daryl I’m yours- fuck- feels so good.” I yelled.

“Who’s the only one who can make you feel that way? Who can fuck you so good?” he kept ramming inside me. I was so close from his dirty talk alone that I started to shake with pure passionate energy.

“You close baby? I can feel you clenching around me.” he assumed right.

“May I come please?” I knew he wanted to be asked when he was in this dominant head space.

“Not yet darling.” he ground out through his teeth. After a few more agonizing thrusts he whispered in my ear “come! Now!” and I came so hard. I had never had an orgasm as powerful as this one. Maybe make up sex was really the best sex next to revenge sex. I felt his seed spill inside me and then he collapsed on top of me before rolling off me hastily a second later. “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you or the baby?” he asked fearful again. “No you idiot. You didn’t. I love you and this was awesome.” as long as he was gonna struggle with himself I was gonna build his self-confidence back up. We fell asleep again in each others arms and it was the most comfortable and relaxing sleep I had had in a while.

Fabienne POV

another two weeks had passed since I had told Negan about our baby and he had left without a word and there had still been nothing from him. Again and again the thought of just going back crossed my mind. I was so afraid of having the baby on my own and being a single mother. That had never been on my future plans. Not even before the world was overrun by the dead. But then my pride was triggered and I thought that he had to come to me, after all he had been the one that had left. My pride was one of the things I had left.

Over the past days I had been alone a lot. I loved my family don’t get me wrong but I playing domesticity was not something I wanted to do then. There was the happy couple Alex and Daryl totally in love and awaiting their child in happy expectancy and then there was me. The pregnant girl who had been left by her boyfriend because he couldn’t deal with a child and obviously had no sense of honor.

I love my sister more than anything but I couldn’t deal with their happiness. I was kinda jealous and at the same time angry at me for not being able to be properly grateful for what I had in those times.

Sitting down in a silent corner under the sky I was softly stroking over my belly wondering if it was gonna be a boy or a girl.

When I suddenly heard someone call out to me. It’s Aaron jogging toward me. “Fabi you really wanna see this. Come with me please?” he kindly demanded. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Couldn’t I be left alone only for a minute.

“there is someone here for you.” he elaborated further.

Then I was getting nosy, excited and nervous all at once. And when I was standing in front of the gate it opened and revealed Negan and a few of the saviors but not as many as the last time he had come. He immediately saw me and strode over. “Hey.” he mumbled not making eye contact. He seemed to be ashamed of his behavior and that was normally not his style. He was almost always overconfident and maybe even arrogant but that destroyed I had never seen him before. But still I didn’t know what to say. No one else was daring to move closer to us. The people around us seemed to be holding their breaths tense at what was gonna happen next.

On the one hand I was really happy and grateful for his appearance but on the other hand I was angry and disappointed that he hadn’t come sooner. After all he had left me hanging for over two weeks.

“Look who’s finally….” I heard Rick distantly say but Alex stopped him before all hell was gonna break lose again.

Slowly I made another step toward him without touching him and he didn’t make a move either. He knew that it was my call if I was gonna let him back into my life or if he had gone too far. “Well, look who’s still alive.” I announced looking into his eyes. I nodded toward Aaron to close the gate and he did leaving the other saviors outside but they didn’t riot either.

“Please let me explain Fabi.” he spoke so only I could hear. He made a move for my hand but I blocked it and pulled away. He definitely didn’t deserve body contact of any kind in that moment. “Go on!” I stayed stoic. “can we please talk about this at home.” he was obviously not feeling very comfortable here baring his deepest emotions to me. But I decided to keep him waiting for a while longer even though I wanted to talk to him too in silence.

“You can’t be seriously considering to go with him, are you?” Rick asked me in disbelieve.

“I’ll give him another chance to explain and when I don’t like it I’ll come back to you.” I dryly answered him.

Suddenly I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. It was Tara storming toward Negan gun raised… and then she pulled the trigger. I was deeply shocked though I understood her somehow. Fortunately she was blinded by rage and didn’t aim right so the bullet just hit the tire of a nearby car before Michonne had tackled her to the ground.

I looked at Negan and was so afraid he was gonna kill someone else but I saw realization flash across his features that he knew when he killed someone of my people, my family, that I was never gonna forgive him and he was never gonna see his child so he just brushed it off. That was the last drop I needed to decide that he could indeed change and that I was gonna go with him.

I packed a bit of the stuff that they had given me and that I desperately needed and walked back to Negan. On the way I gave chaste kiss to Rick and hugged him close before I turned to Alex doing the same. “But you are coming back when we have to go to doctor Carson, right? I don’t wanna do this all on my own. I need my sister by my side.” she almost begged.

“Of course sweetie. I’ll be back.” I ensured her and she let it go.

I walked past Negan and let my pack fall down next to him without sparing him another glance. I decided to play hard to get for a while. He deserved that!

We had taken a car for ourselves to be alone for the ride. The air was so thick with tension you could have cut it with a knife. No conversation held longer than the occasional small talk.

When he parked the car on the premises of the sanctuary all the feeling of being at home that I frequently had had before, were gone then. Still I nodded toward the people around us and also toward the workers as I had always done. I respected them because without them we were nothing there. No task force is of use when you can’t feed and clothe them properly.

I walked in front of Negan toward our small shared apartment. “Well? Talk!” I ordered him the second the door had closed behind us. Nervously he was pacing the room up and down. “I needed time to think. A kid was not what I expected to ever have after my wife died and now..” he swallowed thickly gazing at me. “Yes keep going. What is it that’s so bad about this? I’m sure we can make it. We came this far so why not?” - “me and a child? You saw what I’m able to do. I never thought this far… when I noticed your family there and then the pregnancy bomb?!… I was completely overstrained.” he drove his hands trough his hair in exasperation.

I let myself drop onto the couch looking at him intently. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to apologize or justify himself but I wanted to keep listening.

“And that’s why you just left me hanging? What if, when the baby is here and you get overstrained again, you just leave again? I can’t count on you at the moment. You have lost my trust and have to re-earn it again.” I told him disappointed by his previous answer.

He let himself plop down next to me with a loud sigh resting his hand on my thigh and that time I didn’t push him away.

“Your behavior wasn’t right with what you did in Alexandria. I didn’t recognize you then, Negan. It was just disgusting and if you wanna have a chance at regaining my trust and seeing your child you better change something or I will be gone before you know it.” my intentions in this statement were clear as day. As I thought back to his murders goosebumps were running down my spine.

“But baby, that’s just who I am. Only with you I am the big softy you know. You make me a better man.” he begged me to understand but I couldn’t let that slide.

“then start fighting for me- for us!” I stroked my belly again to underline what was at stake for him here. “Please at least try to change! I don’t want to be a single mom but I’m gonna do it when you don’t work on yourself. Why don´t you start trading with Alexandria and the other communities? You could make profit from each other without robbing them. I am definitely leaving and going back to Alexandria if you don’t start acting like a human being around others too!” I announced matter of factly and without giving him a chance to object.

I wanted to prevent a bloody war between the communities and I felt as if I was the last thing holding him back from killing them all. I was trapped between my family who was everything to me and the man I loved and who was the father of my child.

“I promise you we are gonna find a solution. I’m gonna sit myself together with Rick and the other leaders and negotiate something that will benefit us all.” he affirmed me. That satisfied me for then and I stared deeply into his eyes but this time in love and adoration for my baby daddy. After what felt like a half eternity our lips finally sealed the deal.

The kiss was soft and his hand had wandered to my belly which made me smile lovingly. This moment felt just perfect even though I hadn’t believed that this was gonna happen anymore.

#The Walking Dead #thewalkingdeadgirls #series #original #Grimes Sisters #angst #daryl x ofc #negan x ofc #Smut

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angeltriestoblog · 6 years

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Your Comprehensive Guide to Passing the College Entrance Tests

College entrance tests season is a time in my life that I look back on with equal parts pain and fondness, which somewhat serves as a justification as to why I’ve been putting off this post for so long. Although I spent many sleepless nights re-absorbing lessons I never even got in the first place—all while having to deal with agonizing self-doubt and anxiety—I guess it’s safe to say that it was all worth it. After all, ya girl passed three out of the four universities she applied for: I have yet to find out if UP is willing to take me under their wing, but whether or not they want me, I can say that I am very much contented with my results.

Since I feel I’m in a position to speak on a topic like this, I’m back at it again and ready to help anyone about to tackle the beasts that are the CETs this year. I’m dividing this post into three parts, which will contain tips on how to go about everything before, during and after taking what most consider to be the most important tests of your life.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is ridiculously long and not everything that I’ve written here will apply to you, but hey, if I were you, I’d start taking down notes.

BEFORE THE TEST

One thing most people fail to stress when giving advice on this topic is the importance of adopting the best mindset. Understand that the CETs are a very serious and urgent matter, for you are tasked with preparing for the succeeding chapters of your life all within a short time frame, but at the same time, don’t allow the pressure that comes with it to lead to overthinking and comparison that will ultimately distract you from achieving your goal: passing. Stay driven and positive, and focus on yourself.

Now, on to the actual studying part. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the best way to breeze through these exams without breaking a sweat is by being a good student all throughout high school. Be the type to maintain a stellar general weighted average, keep all notes taken down during the past four years in an expanding file folder instead of using them to wrap dried fish and join as many extracurricular activities as possible. If you’ve already failed at this, it’s time to proceed to Plan B: review school.

I personally didn’t enroll in any classes over the summer, because I thought they only took place during the month of April, which was when my parents had scheduled our overseas trip for the year. Well, apparently, I couldn’t have been any less well researched and by the time I found out, it was already far too late. So, I had made the decision to opt for self-study. For some reason, I was the only one in the household who was worried out of my mind: my parents were very much convinced that I would be able to handle reviewing on my own, and prove that review school was not a requirement for acceptance into prestigious universities. I was touched by their unwavering confidence in me, but every word felt like an additional kilogram I had to carry on my back.

I got by through borrowing old review modules from my dentist (Tita Meng, I have no idea how you’re ever going to read this, but thank you so much for saving my life… and also straightening my teeth) and downloading sample tests from the Internet for me to test my knowledge later on. My efforts never felt like they were enough for me though: I remember looking up the curriculum for each subject I needed to tackle on the website of the Department of Education, researching each sub-topic that was vague to me and Khan Academy-ing my way to proficiency. Definitely an unnecessarily extra way to tackle the reviewing process, but hey, my mind was very much laden with doubt and I was willing to do the most. I also put up cartolinas on my bedroom walls with formulas for different Math and Science subjects, which proved itself useful since I actually spend a decent amount of my time staring off into space.

If the thought of doing all of this alone is stressing you out, then maybe it’s time to go down what is considered by most to be the safe route: enrolling in a review school. Doing so will provide you with all the lessons covered during high school in the form of actual lectures with qualified teachers, and hardbound notes that often come with sample tests that resemble the real thing. It guides you through the application process as well as gives updates on the schedules of most universities, and helps in parts of the test that cannot be achieved by poring over textbooks such as essay writing and even techniques for plain old guessing. All these benefits seem to provide their students with the confidence boost to top everything off, and I admit that I did feel inferior to most of my peers at some point for this reason. They all just seemed so put together, so at ease with their binders and pastel highlighters that it made me go through a period of regret and resentment. Do not let the perceived advantage they have blind you, though: do note that even if attending a review school helps you ace the entrance test, it does not measure your aptitude nor your ability to handle the workload that you will have to face as you make your way in the university of your choice.

Because I had to do everything alone, I had firsthand experience when it comes to waging a war with time: it was truly my biggest enemy during this point in my life. It’s obviously crucial to create a schedule and follow it regularly. If you’re anything like me, you’ve read this in several self-help books or heard this over and over again on productivity podcasts but planning truly is key. First, list down all the topics that you want to cover, complete with the estimated time it’ll take you to master them. Then, distribute them per day evenly so you don’t end up overwhelming yourself and cramming so much information in your head that you barely get to retain anything. It’s important to have a contingency plan ready as well, in case you needed more time digesting a particular topic.

Eliminate all distractions while reviewing. This is a cardinal rule for studying in general, so it will definitely increase in importance during a time like this. One thing I found important is to tell yourself why you have to do it, so it’s easier for you to follow through. For example, I’m pretty addicted to watching YouTube videos, so having to cut down my marathons and look at the number of videos on my Watch Later pile up was a bit painful at first. But upon conditioning my mind into thinking that I’d rather spend my five month summer vacation before college binge watching all the videos I had missed out on instead of looking for a university that was still ready to accept me, it was much easier for me to cut down on it.

Remember to prioritize breadth over depth. Cover as many topics as you possibly can, going over the basic concepts and important formulas. Then, knock yourself out with practice tests so that you’re fully familiarized with them by the time CETs roll in, because you never know how even the simplest questions can be twisted around to baffle you. A common mistake most incoming seniors make (myself included) is overthinking what could possibly be asked and going too into detail when reviewing. In my defense, it seemed like the natural thing to do during a situation of panic but if I had only known, I would have been able to save so much of my time and devote it to mastering everything I had learned.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if ever the need arises, whether it be from teachers, friends or upperclassmen. It might come off as a surprise to some of you, but there are many people who will be more than willing to help you, whether out of pity or genuine human decency. I asked tons of my classmates if I could borrow the notes they received from their review center, so I could learn more than I could have on my own (and maybe even compare their progress with mine). Sometimes, I’d disturb them at ungodly hours and call them up on Messenger to plead them to teach me the shortcuts in problem solving, mnemonics or acronyms. I was never the type of person to do that: honestly speaking, it felt like a direct blow to my pride to have to beg for something. But, it was my future at stake and upon remembering that, I no longer felt any shame [shrugs]

On another (but equally important) note: stay on top of your requirements for the different universities you’ll be applying to. Although they don’t normally start until July or August, it’s much better to get these out of the way as early as possible. Take it from me, who ran around Megamall looking for a photo studio a week before ACET apps needed to be passed. Stock up on ID pictures of different sizes, preferably 1x1, passport size and 2x2. Photocopy important documents like your birth certificate and grades forms, as well as your ID from the current or previous school year. Start thinking of who to ask recommendation letters from, brush up on your essay writing and interview skills and work on your CV if needed. Also, have a scanner ready if you plan on trying out for La Salle, since their application process is purely online. Be sure to keep track of your deadlines: don’t wait around for people to remind you, and please please please For The Love Of God do not cram everything until the very last second.

Strive to finish reviewing over summer break so you don’t have to worry about balancing CETs and academics, which is an entirely different playing field. I’ll come clean and say that I failed to do this, because there were still so many topics I couldn’t understand and questions I couldn’t find the answers to, even with the guidance of the Internet. Let me tell you, it was absolute hell as I didn’t have the time or brain capacity to digest lessons both for school and entrance tests. Please have mercy on yourself and focus on the classes you are to take during the school year, flipping through notes and flash cards sparingly when you have free time.

Now for the part that will probably be most useful to you all: the actual subject matter to study, focused specifically on the entrance tests for the Big 4 universities. Don’t use this as the sole basis of your review, since it’s not a guarantee that the topics covered this year will be the same as the succeeding ones. I remember looking up this one CET tips thread which said that the ACET was going to have mostly geometry-related questions. Since Ateneo is my dream school, I spent a ridiculous amount of time cramming everything from theorems to tangents in my head. So, you could just imagine my surprise when I actually took my test and was greeted by a maximum of four geom questions and a predominantly Algebra II and Trigonometry-centered Math portion.

ACET

Language proficiency

This test will assess your knowledge on basic grammar: correct usage of verb tenses, S-V agreement, analogy-type and a cloze test, where you are required to fill in the blanks with the appropriate word for the sentence. It also included an essay question about a particular word that differed from session to session. I had to make one on the word “superstition”, so I had written something on how I didn’t believe in them because I was raised by my family with a very strong faith in God. One tip people give out a lot is to try and relate your answer to either love for God or being a man for others, but do it only if it doesn’t come out forced. From what I remember, we were given 50 minutes to answer all of this, and I don’t mean to come off as boastful but English is and has always been my first language, so it didn’t serve as a problem on my part.

Mathematical ability

This test is feared most by previous test takers, and it was only when I crawled my way through it that I realized why it has that reputation. It’s composed primarily of basic algebra, algebra II and trigonometry questions, all of which are quite lengthy and require a decent amount of time to think through, especially if you’re not really the best in this subject.

Abstract reasoning

This test… Boy, what do I even say? It requires you to pick out the figure or shape that completes the pattern. There were 30 items all in all that needed to be accomplished within 10 minutes, and I couldn’t tell anything apart from each other. I feel anyone who tells you they took this test seriously and finished it without breaking a sweat is just messing with you. I don’t think there’s any way to answer this test without turning to our old friend (the shotgun method).

Logical reasoning

This test includes questions with a set of premises that you are supposed to analyze, and a list of choices containing possible conclusions that can be drawn from them. Your task is to pick the most logical one, which sounds like common sense at first. Apparently, this was a topic discussed in General Math, so there is a certain set of rules to follow. Not only did I not remember ever taking this up in my life, but I also skipped it during review so I had to borrow my classmate’s book and cram everything I could during ACET week (DEFINITELY NOT ADVISABLE). There was one part of the test that involved a lot of technical terms, which I did not read about or study but thank God ya girl was desperate enough and ended up finding hints in the instructions!

Vocabulary

Pretty self-explanatory type of test, with 25 words in five minutes. It seems overwhelming, but contrary to popular belief, it’ll be easy even for those who aren’t voracious readers.

Reading comprehension

This test will require you to fully understand the message of the text, and apply it practically or draw sensible conclusions from it. I breezed through this one as well, because I’ve been reading since I was in the womb, but this can prove to be difficult for those who aren’t used to it. I’ve been seeing this tip circulating that goes “Look at the questions first before the passage itself, so you know what to find” and although it can fool just about any lazy reader out there, I tried it for myself during the ACET because I was in the mood and it didn’t help me at all. If anything, it just slowed me down because I was doing twice the work: looking at the question then going over the whole thing to find the answer, then repeating the process instead of just reading the text once.

Numerical ability

This test was all word problems—age, work, mixture, speed—with a dash of ratio, proportion and variation. This was the last portion of the ACET, and not only was my brain fried to a crisp but I was also very eager to leave so this definitely made me want to scream as I was taking it. It could have been much easier if I had memorized the exact formulas, and practiced lots so I could work rapidly without sacrificing accuracy.

DCAT

Mema test

I don’t know the actual name of this test, but I called it as such because it was so all over the place it felt like the ones in charge of making the DCAT looked at the final draft, saw they were an entire subtest short and crammed these questions two hours before the deadline. It was a mix of both abstract reasoning and vocabulary, and was generally easy: the AR patterns were understandable and didn’t require a lot of analysis, while the vocab words were very few and quite common.

Math I

I read in this one CET tips post that this portion was, and I quote, “pretentiously difficult and time-consuming” and it’s absolutely true! It’s big on derivations of formulas and advanced concepts in algebra, it barely had any basics much to my dismay. My mental block during this part was at its peak: I didn’t know how to solve anything, so I simply substituted each of the missing values in the problem with a number and worked it around until both sides of the equation were equal. That obviously took a lot of effort, which stemmed from my refusal to let go of an item until I feel like I’ve tried my best in solving it. But, it doesn’t have to be the case for you, especially if you’re terribly pressed for time: don’t hesitate to skip if you can’t move forward!

Math II + logical reasoning

Undoubtedly the hardest part of the exam, because no one saw it coming and thus, no one was able to prepare for it. And to think I was already warned by my friends who took the DCAT the week before I did to review statistics: I went through my notes from Grade 9 on combination and permutation, completely unaware that it was going to focus on hypothesis testing and estimation of parameters, which we failed to cover in Grade 11. I thought I’d be able to get by, I remember even praying that there would be only a few items but the entire test revolved around it so I almost literally crawled my way through. As for logic, it was alright until they started using technical terms like I had no idea what modus ponus (hocus pocus?) is and I don’t think I’ve ever had to study that in my life, so I think it’s safe to say I didn’t perform well there.

Reading comprehension

This was pretty similar to the ACET, so the same description and tips apply. Nothing to worry about.

EAPP/Research

This test was the plot twist of the year: DLSU completely took out the traditional type of English subtest (identifying errors, vocabulary, cloze test, etc.) and replaced it with citing in APA format, the principles of academic writing and the parts of a research paper. I had no idea that this was going to be included, and thankfully, those who enrolled in review centers didn’t either so we were all pretty much on equal footing. But, I walked out of it without a scratch: I guess it’ll be easy for you if you contribute to the making of your research papers, but if you’re a freeloader, ayan diba sinabi ko sa inyo may araw rin kayong lahat O ETO NA YUN

Science

This test covers the four major areas: earth science, biology, chemistry and physics. It was so much easier than I expected, because it only centered on terms and definitions of important concepts. I was most worried about the physics portion, since I’ve always considered it to be my waterloo, so you could just imagine my relief when I saw that it was very formulas-based and could be aced by anyone who took it up in Grade 10. (Super long run-on sentence, I’m sorry) I definitely wouldn’t have been able to survive it without the help of Tyler DeWitt, the best Chemistry teacher anyone could ever ask for – I found him on YouTube during a moment of desperation and binge-watched all his videos the day before DCAT, and he is probably the sole reason behind my success.

Life skills

The easiest and best part of the DCAT, because it’s simply a test of your character. It provides you with a set of situations, and all you have to choose which one best applies to you—so, yes there are no wrong answers. It’s easy to think that the most logical way to answer would be to feign sainthood and pick which one makes you look like an Ideal Lasallian/Catholic/Person, but I advise you to stay as true to yourself as possible. Those in admissions have probably seen many people apply this strategy in the past, and will most likely appreciate your honesty and view it as a way of seeing a true glimpse of your character.

UPCAT

Language proficiency

I think I was only sure of about 75% of my answers in this test, and to think this was the easiest part of the UPCAT for me as language is supposed to be my forte. Although it revolved around the basics—identifying errors in sentences, cloze set, rearrangement of sentences to form a paragraph and vocabulary—it came in both English and Filipino, which really tired me out early on.

Science

Hardest test of them all, to the point that taking it felt like my brain was getting hit by different trucks all at once. It covered all four major areas, including earth science. There were a ton of tables, graphs and diagrams that needed to be interpreted, and experiments to be analyzed: it’s big on practical applications and understanding of concepts. Don’t memorize any formulas, acronyms and mnemonics as you definitely will not need it at all.

Math

This test ran through a little bit of everything: from basic algebra to geometry, trigonometry, word problems and even statistics, sequences and number theory. It’s important to memorize all the formulas and learn how to solve problems fast even if they’ve already been twisted around. Math has never been my strong suit, so at this point, I was very close to hyperventilating. I even remember shading the wrong circles for ten questions in a row because I skipped one item. I also took around three bathroom breaks at this point, and spent 30 seconds sat on the toilet praying.

Reading comprehension

This was the first time I ever loathed this kind of test, when it’s supposed to be my strong point. It’s just that the previous subtests were so mentally and emotionally draining, that I didn’t have the brainpower to tackle it. It didn’t help at all that the passages chosen for the UPCAT were not the usual narrative types that are actually entertaining to read, but were incredibly information and detail-heavy. (They made really good memes on Twitter, though: no one was over the patis, newsboy or Super Ferry 9 for a long while.) The best thing to do at this point would be to go for the easiest and shortest ones first, to give your brain time to repair and prepare itself.

USTET

Mental ability

This test seeks to assess your common sense through a mix of logical reasoning, analogical and basic language and arithmetic problems. I don’t think I have to give you tips about this part at all, because it’s that easy.

Science

This test also includes question on all four major areas, but the main difference is that there are close to no practical applications of concepts – surprisingly, UST only cares about the definition of terms. Thus, intensive review probably won’t be needed: you could just skim through your notes from junior high school and have a good grasp of what’s going to be included.

Math

This test had mostly basic algebra and geometry, as well as some word problems – nothing too difficult. One other fun thing was that there was so many of the same type of question, so if you have the formulas memorized and a certain technique in answering, you could get so many (if not all) correctly.

English

This test focused mainly on basic grammar, figures of speech and subject-verb agreement. There was also a tiny part about oral communication and research, which I wasn’t able to prepare for but it’s a good thing I actually bothered paying attention to my teacher in Grade 11 or else I wouldn’t have been able to answer a thing.

THE DAY BEFORE – DURING THE TEST

Now, normally people would tell you to rest the day before any big test: drop all books and notes and mentally psych yourself for the battle up ahead in the form of face masks and comfort food. Although it sounded incredibly tempting, I obviously didn’t follow it because I was running short on time and had so many things I had yet to fully understand. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t experience any adverse effects and even retained everything I had crammed into my head. So, you’re technically still allowed to review: run through flash cards and try a bit more practice problems if you wish. The only thing you have to make sure of is that you do not stay up late: sleep is crucial for memory retention and BASTA PARA DI KA LUTANG, and you do not want to realize that you’ve taken it for granted on such an important date.

Pack all your essentials the night before in (preferably) a small backpack that you can easily lug around. Bring two #2 Mongol pencils, an eraser, your test permit, a school ID just in case and food to snack on: my personal favorites of the season were seaweed crisps that I got for a buy one, take one deal in Robinsons Supermarket, raisins and trail mix. Scientific studies in the past have claimed that chewing motions can help stimulate your brain, but I just believe it just doesn’t feel right to engage in battle on an empty stomach. Coordinate with friends who’ll be in the same testing center as you, in case you won’t be able to survive in such an environment without someone to sympathize with you. Personally, I didn’t bother meeting up with friends for three out of my four tests because I wanted to feel independent and possibly run into new people.

If you’re anything like me and you hold on to God for dear life in almost every situation that brings you difficulty, don’t forget to pray for enlightenment and the capacity to accept His will, whatever it may be. As much as possible, try to hear Mass the day before your entrance test. Funny story, I was supposed to do this on ACET Eve, but we got stuck in traffic and missed the opportunity to. I ended up running to my parish while the staff were closing it (I didn’t even know that was a thing – what about the troubled souls who need guidance in the wee hours of the morning!) and muttering the most desperate prayer under my breath in a minute. I even lit a candle outside because I wanted to pass Ateneo that badly. Looking back, I found that it helped me lots because I was able to lift up all my worries to Him so I wouldn’t have to bring them along with me the next day.

On the test day itself, the best weapon to have in your arsenal is a good mindset. Walk into the testing center like you already passed, stroll along the corridors like it’s your first day in that university and look at every question as another step closer to freedom. Do not overthink or panic: I know it is much easier said than done, but it won’t hurt to fake it till you make it (sometimes, in situations like this, it’s the best option available).

Keep track of time limits: don’t be afraid to glance at the wall clock or your wristwatch from time to time so you can pace yourself properly. Don’t take too long on one item: if you don’t know what to do with it in 20 seconds, just come back to it when you have extra minutes to spare. If you’re not sure about the answer to an item, make the most intelligent guess you can by racking your brain for the very limited stock knowledge you have on that topic. Choose one letter to be your go-to choice if you really don’t know the answer: mine was C (for Christ, truly) although I don’t know if that’s still a wise decision because universities might start picking up on this strategy.

Look back on all your answers: if you have the luxury of time, re-read everything from the instructions to the passages to the choices provided, because sometimes, even if you were 110% sure of what you were answering during that moment, you may have missed something important. If you happen to be one of those beasts who come prepared enough and you’re completely sure of everything already, catch a quick nap to recharge those batteries instead of scouting for attractive fellow test-takers. I swear, there will be many more of them in college: at present, it’s best to exhaust all efforts into actually getting a university.

AFTER THE TEST

The minute the proctor makes you put your pencil down one last time and submit the questionnaire forward, let it go. Completely forget that it happened: don’t spend the succeeding days discussing answers with peers, as it will almost always end with you regretting things you can no longer change. Do not keep a countdown until judgment day ticking in your head either: choose to take this time to let your life return to its normal state. Shift your focus back to your academics for the school year, and be preoccupied with your interests once again during your free time. Remember to treat yourself as well, because we all know it’s not easy to study while simultaneously worrying about your future. After all my CETs, I made sure to eat out with my family and spoil myself with chick flick marathons and skin care products. Most importantly, be sure to keep praying as it is the key to accepting what happens in the future and regaining peace of mind. As cheesy as it sounds, trust in God’s plan for You and know that He has a reason for everything that is about to happen.

Now, on to the final stretch: the release of results. (This is a pretty timely thing to be talking about right now, since as of this writing, I’m waiting for UP to make a move within the week) If you pass your dream school—or any university for that matter—congratulations! Your hard work has finally paid off, and the promising future you’ve built up in your head is slowly turning into a reality. Don’t forget to thank all those who made this possible for you: God, your family, friends and teachers who believed in you through every sleepless night and mid-morning breakdown. Remain humble though, and be careful not to gloat in front of those who didn’t pass. I know you’re not really obliged to act a certain way to please them, especially during a time as joyous as this, but it’s all a matter of empathy: I’m sure you’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed. One thing you’re left to decide with if you’re lucky enough to pass more than one college is where you’re headed off to. Personally, it’s course over school: go for the program that suits you best and will help you pursue the career path you wish, since that will do you more good in the future than the reputation of any institution. If you are not entirely convinced by that spiel, do not hesitate to ask help from those you trust most: preferably family members, teachers and counselors. I left out friends, because I don’t think it’s a wise decision to choose a specific school just because that’s where they’re headed.

If you fail to make the cut, however, indulge in your right to cry right now. I’m sure that it must be disheartening, planning out a future in a school that ended up “rejecting” you in the end, but news flash: the race does not finish here! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get ready for the results of the other schools you have applied for. Be sure to surround yourself with only people who are capable of uplifting your spirits and helping you believe in yourself during such a trying time. If the worst case scenario happens and you are left with no college at the end of the day, it’s time to get hustling: look for universities that are still accepting applications (some schools out there have entrance tests every month, and results come out instantly), or send in letters of appeal if ever you truly have your eyes set on a specific campus. That’s not something I have much expertise on though, but almost everything you will need to know is on the school’s official website.

And, there you have it! Everything I could tell you about the college entrance tests! I spent approximately three days trying to kick my writing slump in the ass: my eyes hurt and I may be suffering from carpal tunnel but all of that means nothing as long as I’ve been able to guide one hopeless soul out of the dark. (Yes, I patterned that after my comprehensive guide to surviving Grade 11 – my brain is dying, and I have no time to think of an ending catchier than that.) I’m on summer break now and I’ll be going to Korea next week, so expect a lot of lighter and more amusing content!

Stay in school, kids!

Angel

#angeltriestoblog #cets #college entrance tests #philippines #upcat #acet #dcat #ustet #cet tips #life dump #recs

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ganglylimbs · 6 years

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Primal Instinct

Ch. 22- Interlude: Ryan and Jack

Ch. Summary: Ryan overthinks and Jack just wants a date

Ryan was sure that he had made a mistake. A huge mistake. A terrible mistake.

The room’s filled with yelling and laughter as they record the newest raid in Destiny. He can hear Gavin squeaking over in his corner, Michael shouting at Geoff. Ryan can feel his blood boiling in his veins as he argues with Jack about the best way to complete the fucking task, but the most frustrating part?

He couldn’t kiss the man when they finally won.

It was his own fault, Ryan knew that. He had made such a big deal about going slow with Ray and Michael, that it was for the best of their relationship. And he knew that was, damn it. But knowing it and having to deal with all these feelings for the others that he couldn’t express was annoying. He wanted to kiss and make up with Jack, he wanted to kiss Geoff as he handed the man another glass of alcohol, he wanted to kiss Gavin whenever the man did something brilliant in a video game. Heck, he wanted to be allowed to kiss Michael and Ray in front of everyone without it being weird.

Don’t get him wrong. The past month, after his talk with the two lads, had been great. All the previous anger, that insecurity that he was more of a third wheel than an actual partner in their relationship had finally been settled. They spoke more to him, included him in every decision, and they both set up days where they would each go on separate dates to make sure no one was left out. Ryan had never been happier. And it showed as their relationship continued to improve.

Except, he was still in love with three other co-workers. And his current relationship was being kept a secret.

Sighing, Ryan leaves the office, with orders to get everyone a drink. The rest of the guys are still celebrating, happily talking with each other. Michael and Ray have wide smiles on their faces. Ryan feels a small pang in his chest but ignores it. He knows, one day, he’ll be able to go over, touch the small of their back and kiss their cheek, tell them how much he loves hearing their voices. He just has to be patient.

Ryan makes it all the way to the kitchen before he realizes that Jack has followed him. He gives the bearded man a grin. “Still mad at me?”

“Oh, I’m furious.” Jack grins back. He walks past Ryan to reach up into some cabinets, pulling out a cup. “That was a fucking fun video.”

“I can’t wait for the tens of people to see it,” Ryan jokes. He pulls out a couple of red bulls, a Jack Daniels bottle, and starts to fill up a cup of coffee. “But really, I’m glad we got that finished. Now I can never play Destiny again.”

“Are you still claiming that you only play Destiny because of work?” Jack asks.

“Yes because it’s true,” Ryan retorts.

“Sure.” Jack teases but lets it go. They stand there in silence for a bit, Ryan waiting for the coffee to get done, Jack sipping at his water. Eventually, Jack coughs, getting Ryan’s attention again. “So.”

“So?”

Jack palms the back of his head. “I was wondering. If, maybe.” Jack takes a deep breath. “Would you like to go to dinner with me? Saturday night?”

Ryan blinks in surprise, mouth falling open. “As a…?

“As a date,” Jack confirms. He stares straight at Ryan, never looking away. Ryan must admit, he admires Jack for that courage.

Ryan meant to say no. He meant to tell Jack that he was already seeing Ray and Michael, and while they would all love to date Jack, they just needed time to work on some things. Ryan meant to tell himself, patience, that it would be worth it, in the end, to wait.

Instead. Ryan opens his mouth and says “Yes.”

Ryan waits till everyone has gone to lunch, shyly waving back at Jack as he leaves, before he turns towards Ray and Michael and made his announcement. “I’ve fucked up.”

The lads pause in what they were doing to turn and stare at Ryan. “What?”

Ryan takes a deep breath. “Earlier, when Jack and I left to get drinks. He asked me out on a date.” Ryan pauses again. “I said yes.”

The two continue to stare at him before Michael blurts out “What?”

“Look, I’m sorry. Well, I’m not sorry for saying yes, because I do want to go on a date with him, but I’m sorry I’m the reason you couldn’t ask Gavin out and I’m sorry for saying we should focus on us and being a hypocrite and-and-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ryan slow down,” Michael says, standing up and walking towards him. “We can’t understand you rushing over your words like that.”

Ryan’s face reddens but he takes a deep breath and calms himself. “I’m sorry,” He says again.

“We got that part.” Ray is smiling at him as he follows behind Michael. “That’s about the only thing we got.”

“How about starting over?” Michael asks.

Ryan takes another deep breath. Then another. “Jack asked me out. And I said yes.”

“Ok, and? Are you excited?” Ray asks.

“Well, I mean. Yes. But-“

“Look, Ryan. It’s fine. We’ve talked about this. We want to date the others yeah?”

“Yeah but-“

“Then this is a great first step.” Michael nods along as Ray speaks.

Ryan looks back and forth between them, frowning. “Why aren’t you guys mad at me?”

“Why would we be mad?” Michael asks, cocking his head.

Ryan throws his hands forward. “I’m the one who stopped you from asking out Gavin! I said we need to focus on us and now I’m going on date with someone else, adding someone else to this.”

“Ryan. It’s fine, really.” Michael assures him. “Really. If you changed your mind, and it seems like you have, about adding people to our relationship than that’s fine. We aren’t going to be mad about.”

“Besides,” Ray pipes up “it’s not like he asked us on a date. He asked you. If we explain to him that you’re also dating us, and he’s fine with that, then we can ease him into our relationship. Or, if he’s not comfortable dating us and just wants to date you, then we’ll deal with that. It’s just going to take some talking.”

Ryan leans back in his chair. “I…your right. I guess I just feel a little guilty.” He gives them a sheepish smile.

Ray shrugs. “It’s not like that was the one time we could ask Gavin on a date. There’s always tomorrow. Now.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Ryan. “Tell us about your plans for this date.”

Ryan feels a lot calmer than he thinks he should be as he walks into the fancy little restaurant that Jack and he had agreed on. Jack had already texted him, telling Ryan that he had their seats and was waiting inside.

Ryan thinks he should be freaking out. He had been agonizing over it all week, obsessively trying to go over all the details (what to talk about besides work, how was he going to bring up Michael and Ray, how can he work in that he wants to date the others, what if the food wasn’t good, what if the waiter was rude or they sat next to someone who didn’t like two men being on a date), but as he walks into the restaurant, he just feels…calm.

And happy as soon as he catches sight of Jack.

Jack looks good, in his suit. It’s obvious to Ryan, who spends every day with the guy, that Jack had taken the time to trim his beard and clean himself up. Ryan appreciates that.

“You look nice,” Jack says as soon as Ryan sits down, and the waiter leaves to fill their drink orders.

“I feel nice,” Ryan replies, smile wide. He waits a second before adding. “Oh. You look decent as well.”

“Asshole.” But Jack’s voice is warm.

The dinner feels natural. It’s easy to talk to Jack. Unlike with Michael and Ray, who were younger than him, Ryan feels like he connects with Jack about their shared life experiences. Jack is happy talking about anything, from going on rants about movies to playfully argue with Ryan about things they fought about at work.

The food is excellent and the atmosphere cozy as they talk the night away. Apparently too warm and inviting though, as Ryan slips up “…Ray and I were talking about it during our last date and Ray made a good point when he said-“

“Wait. What?” Jack interrupts. He tilts his head, frowning, as Ryan freezes. “Date?”

Fuck. Ryan hadn’t meant to have this talk with Jack until the end of the night. It’s too late now. Swallowing, he forces a grin on his face. “Yeah, so about that. I may be dating Ray.”

Jack’s eyebrows go up.

“…and Michael,” Ryan adds. He takes one look at Jack’s blank face and rushes to continue. “Don’t worry, they know about you and each other. We’re all dating. Each other I mean. And they may want to date you too, at some point. But you don’t have to! If you don’t want to that is. And-and-and.” Ryan sighs. He was babbling again. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“You didn’t exactly give me a chance, with how fast you are talking,” Jack says, and he sounds amused. That was good, right? “So…all three of you are dating?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, damn. I thought I was going to be your first.”

Ryan sputters. “Wait. What?”

Jack shrugs. “Come on, Ryan. Gavin is oblivious to anything that comes remotely close to flirting and Geoff is too much of an asshole to admit his feelings, but you don’t think I wouldn’t notice the tension between all of us? I know you like me and I like you. I also like Geoff, Michael, Gavin, and Ray.”

Ryan tries to wrap his head around that. “Oh.”

Jack’s laugh is almost booming as Ryan turns sheepish. “Yeah, oh. I thought something was going on between Michael and Ray but after the fight the lads seemed to be in, I figured we’ve danced around this long enough. I should have known something was up, I suppose.”

Ryan starts chuckling too, relieved. “Yeah, I’m surprised we’ve been able to get away with it for so long. So you don’t mind?”

“Of course not. If I can handle Michael being a dragon, then I can handle dating six people.”

Ryan’s breath catches in his throat, his stomach dropping once again. “What did you say?”

Jack looks confused at the look of horror Ryan is giving him. “What? About dating-“

“No, no.” Ryan leans forward, gripping the table. “A-About Michael.”

“Oh. You mean about him being a dragon.” Jack waves his hand as if to say no big deal. “Yeah, I know about that.”

All Ryan can do was stare at him. Finally, he asks. “How?”

#primal instinct #ahot6 #finally had time to get this out #the next few weeks are going to be crazy #so i don't know when the next one will be published

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meowlexandragrace · 6 years

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Reflections, Creativity, and Carrie Fisher Quotes

The year is coming to an end and it’s left me catching my breath and looking back on 2017- on what went well and what didn’t. It was an amazing year for growth in personal relationships in my life. In contrast, the world around me seems to be constantly on fire (and right now that’s both a metaphor and a reality in Southern California). I’m constantly re-imagining where I fit in this dumpster fire of a universe we live in right now and over the past few years it’s changed a lot. That’s both terrifying and exhilarating because the older I get, the less I know exactly where I want to end up. It’s teaching me how to learn how to let go and see what the universe has to offer me.

Letting go has always been a really hard lesson for me. I’ve learned it time and again, after working myself to consistent mental breakdown, never stopping to take care of myself or stop to ask why I am even doing what I'm doing. That became a part of my personality and I thought it made me tough. Growing up, I would win awards in sports and at school for being the most dedicated, the hardest working, I was the one who wouldn’t sleep if it meant getting a project done. Hard work always pays off, it’s true. If I have ever gotten good at anything, it’s not by luck. If I’ve ever gotten anything in life, it’s because I worked my ass off for it. I’m a stubborn Capricorn, through and through. But sometimes, you need to learn when to save your energy for what is really important.

I always thought because of this mentality, I would be a career driven woman for my entire life. It’s always been what I thought would happen, I would get good grades and go to a good college and get a good job. Except, I seem to get stuck at that last part, over and over and over again. The logical part of my brain knows, duh, of course I’m still young and just because I don’t have a solid “career” figured out doesn’t mean that I never will. Then, the anxious, somehow always louder part of my brain just keeps screaming “F A I L U R E !” Every time I would scroll through Instagram and someone else younger than me got a good job, I would get insanely bitter. Social media in general could be a really big anxiety trigger. Most of the time, people are only posting the best parts of their life. We all do it, and it makes the most sense. That’s the easiest part of your life to share with the entire world on the internet- your best self. Putting your mistakes online puts you in an vulnerable position, so most of the time we don’t do it. That still doesn't mean we have to compare our worse selves to someone else's best self.

That loud voice inside my head screaming “failure” started seeping into everything I did. If I went out with my friends and did something I enjoyed, it was always shadowed with a layer of guilt knowing I could be doing something more productive. If I took time to rest, I was obviously a lazy millennial who wasn’t worth anything. If I spent time with family instead of going to a networking event, I obviously deserved to be a failure because I wasn't working as hard as someone else, even if I was really making myself happy. The opposite was also true- if I did work on writing, working out, eating healthy, whatever it was- it was never enough. The constant pressure to be more than I was started making nothing feel like it was worth trying for. It felt like any effort was futile, and why bother.

As I was reflecting on the year, I decided to focus for a bit on what went well. I just sat for twenty minutes (put a timer on and everything) and wrote about what I liked about last year. It all came back to my personal relationships blossoming. Things like spending time with family and barbecuing in my parents backyard, running around with my dog, late night board games and drinks with friends, and meeting the love of my life all gave my life meaning again. The older I get, though, the more I realize a career isn’t what’s going to make me happy, it’s the moments in between with the people I love. If you look at the longest study done on happiness, they actually found two things were consistent- the ability to learn how to let go of what’s not important to you and having solid relationships in your life. We’re essentially all looking for a family of some sort, whether that’s in the traditional sense or not. We just want a group of loved ones to belong to, who we can depend on through thick and thin. It’s becoming more clear to me that this is what’s the most important thing in my life- my inner circle. Who knows, if I had become this boss-ass-business person straight away, it might have taken me so much longer to realize the importance of the community I was building around me. So, it was time to let go of what I perceived as my biggest failures, because I was succeeding in ways I hadn't realized.

At this point, I stopped looking at things like, why continue to try at anything when it’s not going to get you anywhere and started thinking how can I improve my life so that I can do more of what I love? What did I still feel like was missing? After changing my perspective, I realized that what I want more than a specific career is to create art and connect with other people. I want other people to feel less alone, because when you feel alone it does start to feel like everything you do is pointless. This is where the terrifying part is- that really isn’t one specific job. There isn’t exactly a job market on LinkedIn for “creative person who likes to write and make things and just really needs to get paid for it so she doesn’t have to be homeless someday.” The moral of the story is- I still don’t know what the heck I’m doing, maybe even less so than I thought I did at the start of this year.

At the beginning of 2017, when I sat down to think of a new year's resolution, I came up with something pretty vague. Instead of making a really specific goal like “lose ten pounds,” I thought how I could have a new mentality to change the year for the better. A Carrie Fisher quote that I couldn’t stop reading came to mind. For background, she happened to die on my birthday last year, and for some reason, that really affected me. I became obsessed with reading interviews she did, watching video clips of her and just taking in all the magic and badassery. A few of her words echoed in my head, “Stay afraid, do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow. ” As someone who suffers from anxiety, I liked the idea of allowing myself to be afraid instead of trying to control the fear. That became my mantra of 2017. It opened up my mind to new opportunities- I started working on a novel this year, I started this blog, shit, I even tried online dating (that last one ended up to be the most successful thing I tried last year!).

I would like to say, instead of overthinking things, I just let go and did them, but that would be a lie. We’re taking baby steps here, people. I still overthought everything I did. My anxiety didn’t just disappear (though, I did eventually get medication and help for the anxiety). I just did things while I overthought them. For example, when I work on writing a blog post, I just start writing what I’m thinking about that week. Usually I sit in the bath or in bed and journal my feelings until I have a complete thought that I want to expand on. My thought process is never full or complete when I start out and I tend to be thinking about at least six things at once (and one of those things is almost always what I’m going to eat for my next meal). I have to mine through the thoughts to make sense of things before I share them. After that, it takes me about a week to write it, agonize over it, edit it, format it, and post it. That’s plenty of time to overthink things, but I’m still creating, I’m still regularly posting. In the end, I’ve been pretty happy with a lot of what I’ve made, overthinking and all!

That leaves me to where I am now and what comes next. Similarly to last year, I’m not setting one specific goal for the year. I tend to try and stack up a lot of smaller goals like this week I’m going to pack healthy lunches for work, or like this week, since it’s near the holidays and I am a serial collector of junk, I decided my goal was to go through my bedroom and make a pile of stuff I wanted to donate to Goodwill. Little things like that that actually will make a difference, one week at a time tend to add up more for me. Instead, I thought about what I wanted more of in my life and when it came down to it, I just want to be more creative. 2018 is all about how I can bring creativity in my every day life, right here, right now!

That doesn’t mean I’m giving up work. Sadly, I’m one of the many people in life who has to go to work for a living. I still would love to find a job doing something I’m even somewhat interested in because I actually take joy in doing work on things that I’m interested in. I just think I’m going to take a step back and take a more broad look at what I want out of life. Right now, it’s to be more creative in my everyday life. I’m trying new things, even if I don’t know if I’ll be any good at them. I want to surround myself with creativity and see what that brings! Even though I’m trying things that sometimes scare me, I’m planning on sharing them with all of you who wish to follow along on the struggle bus with me.

What about you guys? What or who makes you happy? What worked out in 2017? What helped you survive the insanity this year brought? Comments below!

xoxox

#personal post #blog #blogger #carrie fisher #gary fisher #2017 #new years #new year resolution #creative

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