#maria rambeau x carol danvers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blacksapphhicmaddonna · 1 year

Text

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT.

Chapter 2 - Roll The Dice

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

CW: slight mentions of- homophobic slurs(not written out), deciding not to report harassment in the military, one mention of a security/police officer, being drunk/partying, minor cuts/scrapes/bruises, parenting, loss of a parent, childhood trauma, regaining lost memories. also, a big part of this chapter is set in a flashback. nothing too crazy for any of this, but I just want everyone to know that these things are mentioned!

A/N: hey y'all! so, I wrote this like a book. it's long per usual, and this one's a bit angsty but nothing too serious. also sooooo sorry this is so late lmao, life comes at you hard and fast sometimes but we getting it together every day! I'll try to be quicker w/ updates🫡. much love, muahhh. thank you for reading! x ps. this isn't proof read bc I stayed up til 6:30 in the morning to finish writing it LMFAOO.💀 I'll come back at some point and proof read it, but sorry for any typos/grammar/syntax oddities as always.

Word Count: 19,078 (jump scare🫣)

Link to AO3!

title header & mood art by me⋆˙⟡♡ pls don't use/post elsewhere without asking! (lmk if y'all like it though! i'm thinking about doing stuff like this for all/most of my fics maybe)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Taglist⋆｡ﾟ ☾ﾟ｡⋆｡︎☁ﾟ｡⋆:

@mybonafidefeelings @maysflourish @nanajen8

also go read @mybonafidefeelings's new danbeau/carolxmaria series RIGHT NEOWWWW if you haven't already🥰

and while you're at it, go check out all the fics everyone in the taglist have written! they never disappoint!

here we gooooo, I hope you enjoy part two.💗

Once Monica finished her breakfast, she helped Carol clean up while she told her stories about her friends at school, all the inventions she'd come up with, and any other story her mind mustered up. She wanted to fill in as many blanks as possible for her other mother. Carol listened intently, taking in every moment of her daughter. She wanted to remember everything, even the things that might not seem important to other parents in different circumstances. She wanted to be able to reference these stories, prove that she remembered, that she cared enough to listen. Partly because her own parents never showed an interest, instead always finding the time to show their genuine dislike for her for whatever many reasons they had, or just disregarding her altogether. But also because Monica had always been so welcoming, so ready to receive her back like nothing had happened - or maybe like everything did happen and she still chose to hold on tight to her mother, choosing not to let the time separate them. So Carol held on tight too, wanting to prove she was reliable to the girl. She appreciated how open Monica was to her returning, but she also knew she had been gone for a long time. Longer than she should have been, she often thought. She knew that Monica was young, and might eventually change her mindset on the matter. She had every right to. It would make sense to feel some kind of way, and that scared Carol to her core. So she wanted to at least try and show up in the best way she could. Be present, be a mother - not just someone who literally drops in every now and then. She wanted to give the girl something she could hold onto, something she could trust.

Carol was always so in awe of both of the Rambeaus. Even though Maria always said that she and Monica were so much alike, she loved how much she was just like her mother too. Stubborn, but sure of herself. Interested in everything, always ready to learn and push forward - but soft, in her own way. Gentle, patient and kind. They both would go out of their way, even if it didn’t always seem like they were. She looked like her, too. Her brown eyes, her hair, the way she walked. She was just like Maria in the best ways (not that there was a bad way to be like Maria Rambeau), and also very much just herself. Just Monica, and she was the most amazing child the world had ever managed to produce. Carol was sure of it.

When they had finished in the kitchen, Carol decided to take a shower too. The hot water should be filled up again, and she was starting to feel the leftover sweat from last night mixing with the approaching heat from the day. Monica sat on the couch and turned on some cartoons, feeling fulfilled from breakfast which made Carol feel proud of herself for a lot of reasons. Cooking was something she always struggled with because she never had anybody to teach her. Maria thinks she might just naturally be a clutz in the kitchen too, but regardless, she worked with her for years as they grew up trying to teach her how to cook, giving her the gentle instruction and patience she never had. Usually to no avail, but it was a fond memory for both of them. Carol smiled, thinking that if her success in making pancakes this morning was any indication of the kind of day she would have with her daughter, she was sure it would be a good one. She wandered back upstairs, running her hands along the walls that still had blue and purple marker stains on them in some spots. As she walked through the hallway towards her shared room, she passed Monica’s room and couldn't help but smile. The girl’s room was what anybody would expect if they’d met her. A little messy, super colorful. She had her personality everywhere. A model of the solar system she had made when she was a little younger for a school project hung from the ceiling over her bed. A stuffed animal Carol had won for her at a carnival when she was a toddler, Maria had one to match that she secretly kept hidden in the drawer next to her bed still. She had drawings on blue construction paper all over her walls, mostly of her inventions (she called them her blueprints). The one picture that was on regular white paper had the word “Family” written on it. A crayon picture of Maria and Carol, with Monica in the middle. Carol’s heart skipped a beat seeing it. She was so lucky, she thought again. She passed the door and made her way to the end of the hall with a happy stride. The day had just begun and she was already doing better than she expected.

She stepped into the room and paused, her smile growing inward in an almost shy way. She was greeted with the scent and feel of Maria. She inhaled deeply, feeling a level of comfort roll through her body and pang in her chest. Mmm. Carol whispered to herself, almost embarrassed. But she couldn’t help it. She was everywhere. As much as they had kept Carol present in their lives, making sure she was alive and never erased from her fingerprint on the home, it had still been years since Carol had been gone so it made perfect, almost comforting sense to her that they had made it their own. They had to make it comfortable, they had to fill in the empty space. Just like Monica’s room, Maria’s was a perfect snapshot of her personality. It was well kept, everything had a place to be. If it ever did get messy, Carol was sure it didn’t last long. She looked over the room, noting the books next to the bed where Maria slept, all of them half read with bookmarks Monica had made her in them. She looked at the tray of jewelry sitting on the dresser, full of small dainty necklaces and a few pairs of stud earrings with different shapes, and a few pairs of hoops Maria would only wear if she was going out. She looked at the closet, one side open from this morning. All the clothes are organized by color, with a few boxes sitting on the top shelf. Even the bed they had slept in, it was already made perfectly to military standards with the edges tucked in perfectly - except for the top where Maria had extra pillows, all with light purple pillow cases contrasting the perfect white ones underneath.

She looked at the picture frames sitting on Maria’s perfectly organized desk as she walked over to it. On the left side was a picture of her and Monica at a park that had to be fairly recent, a picture of Maria standing outside the SWORD office smiling huge next to an older man in uniform, and a picture of Maria with her brother which must’ve been years old because Maria looked like she was in middle school maybe, making Carol reminisce about the girl she used to know. On the right side of the desk sat two pictures that didn’t face in all the way like the other two, as if they were put there intentionally but also intentionally not looked at as much. One, in a light purple frame, was Maria’s mother. Carol had never met the woman but had seen her face many times growing up in Maria’s father’s house. It was the same then, almost like the woman must have put the pictures of herself up and they didn’t have the heart to take them down, but they tried their best not to look. Next to that sat a framed picture of Carol and Maria smiling at the local bar they used to go to, their uniforms half undone and Carol’s hair out of regs with her aviators pushed back and a red bandana around her head. She remembers the bar more now, Pancho’s. She had been there with Fury and it jogged a lot of things for her, but she so badly wants to remember that day specifically. She runs her fingers close to it, but doesn’t dare to touch. She tries to remember the song they would sing together, all the lyrics. She can’t but she remembers how it felt to jump around for hours and then walk home, too drunk most times, bumping into each other and letting touches and looks linger a little too long, and then having to get up early the next day. She remembers that they would take turns walking each other to their barracks, sometimes daring to sleep in each other's rooms when they thought they might not get caught, always leaving one of them to sneak out in the morning. Carol laughs, thinking about how Maria was right last night, and how she was always better at leaving quietly than Carol.

When her eyes refocus on the photo, she can’t help but wonder how many times Maria had flipped the frame over, hiding the memory from herself. She wonders, just for a moment, if she would’ve been able to live through the grief she put her through. She would never know just how bad it was for Maria, she would never be able to see from her eyes what the woman went through or how she pulled herself out of bed every day and raised a child by herself, kept working, started SWORD. She wondered if Maria ever went back to that bar, or if she ever listened to the song again. She would never know how the woman truly felt in those years or what she did to keep herself busy, and she didn’t think she’d ever feel right asking. She wanted to think about the past few months, after everything. She wanted to think about how it must be even worse, in a way, knowing that Carol was out there saving other people while Monica grew up and Maria trudged on with no choice. She wanted to think about it but couldn’t, knowing what would happen if she let her mind attach to the thoughts and feelings. She gazed at the photo again and turned away, deciding that maybe she didn’t need to remember everything right now.

She walked over to the box they had pulled out last night for her and started going through some clothes, looking for something to change into. She realized that while she was in space, her suit did all the work for her - she never had to worry about pulling an outfit together. It did the heating, drying, cooling, protecting her from any number of threats - all while containing her powers in a comfortable way for her. So as she sorted through her belongings, she was now also coming to the realization that it also had built in underwear. She only had two pairs of regular underwear to her name and she was wearing one of them. She frantically sifted through the big box to no avail. She questioned why she would only have two pairs of underwear, rather than all of her undergarments or none of them at all. She guessed that the Air Force had something to do with it, remembering that they had packed everything up for Maria to come pick up instead of letting her do it. She cursed them under her breath, mad that once again Maria had something taken from her, deciding that she had no option but to wear the pair of boxer briefs she had found and figure it out later. She grabbed the boxers, an old band tee shirt and a pair of jeans and headed for the bathroom.

When she walks in the bathroom, she can hear Monica’s cartoons from the living room.

“I’m gonna bathe myself, Lt. Trouble! Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

She yells down. She waited to hear Monica’s response and when she didn’t she paused completely, silencing herself and the air around her, cartoons still playing. She could feel her heartbeat pick up its pace.

“Mon? Did you hear me?”

She shouts again, a bit louder, trying not to let on to her anxiety.

“Okay Mom!”

Monica yells back, mind focused on her shows. Carol exhaled deeply, relief flowing through her body. She chuckled at mom, gratitude buzzing through her whole body. She was still a mom to Monica and that meant more to her than she could ever explain. She added “go to therapy” on her mental to do list and started stripping.

Once all the layers were off, she chucked her socks in the pile she had made and stepped into the deep tub, pulling a purple shower cap over her hair and bending down to turn on the shower. She pulled the stop up before balancing out the water and heard the water make its way up the long pipe to the shower head slowly as she pulled the curtain closed around her. She immediately screeched, feeling freezing water run over her body. She had forgotten that Maria took cold showers in the morning to wake her up. She scrambled, trying to avoid as much of the frigid water as possible while she flipped up the hot water handle with her toes, jumping up and down, somehow not slipping. As the water began to warm and steam up, she found herself laughing. Out loud. She couldn’t stop. Captain Marvel was giggling like a child (Once again proving Maria right). She slid down and sat on her butt, pulling her knees into her chest and let the water run over her back. She eased into the warm feeling, still feeling laughter bubble up inside of her. She closed her eyes and remembered the last time she felt the shock of cold water all over her.

It was late, or maybe early. Carol felt herself getting tired, but she wanted to keep dancing. She wanted to keep singing. She wanted to keep seeing Maria, feeling her brush up against her while they danced and twirled in sloppy, drunken harmony, singing poorly to whatever song was playing. She didn’t want to go to work tomorrow just to test planes she would never get to fly outside of base. She didn’t want to sleep in her own bed, unless Maria was in it. She just wanted to keep living in this moment for as long as she could. She looked over at her equally drunk copart, dancing freely with her eyes closed. Maria rarely let loose like this, but when she did it was beautiful. She commanded the room, everyone tuning into her wavelength, feeling her all around them. She made everything beautiful, and when she was carefree, it was like no one on earth had a care in the world either.

Maria opened her eyes to see Carol looking at her and she smiled that toothy grin she had, making the heat from Carol’s chest rise to her face. She smiled back, pushing herself closer to the woman through the people dancing around them. The dark liquor they had both been drinking was coursing through them and burning off with every move, sending sparks through both of their bodies while they watched each other bop to the music. Carol made her way over and laughed, making some comment about how only they could make old white men’s music sound this good. Maria giggled in agreeance, grabbing Carol’s hand and twirling her around. She was tired too, but she was happy to have a break. They had both been working their asses off and both felt the same frustration with the position they were seemingly stuck in. They were making their way up in rank, one then the other, every time. But two facts always remained. They were both Black Women. So the Air Force didn’t give them much reign, despite the fact that they were statistically and literally the two best pilots the Air Force had ever seen and a lot of people knew it. Despite all their talent and gusto, they did their diligence day in and day out. So, when they got the chance to be free from the monotony, they took it, hand in hand, happily.

As Carol spun back into the woman’s arms with a heaving laugh, they both smiled at each other widely. Maria couldn’t look away, she felt stuck as her eyes moved down from her friend’s eyes to her lips. Carol surprised her by grabbing her other arm and spinning her just how she had done, and pulling her in with a dramatic dip. Everyone around them cheered, drunk too. They laughed with their bellies, feeling the song in their chests. Carol pulled Maria up slow, just as the exciting song ended. The next song started and it was slower, and most people around them coupled up, only some seeming annoyed as they made their way off the dance floor and back to the bar and stools. The two women looked around them, then at each other. They both shrugged with a small laugh, and Carol pulled Maria in to dance. She made some joke about being proper while she found her hands at Maria’s lower back, making the woman laugh as she made herself comfortable around Carol’s neck and shoulders. They laid their chins on eachother and swayed, letting the joke of it all dissipate into the air. It was moments like this that they relished in, secretly. Every now and then, they’d allow themselves a second to breathe each other in. Usually when they were drunk and their inhibitions were low. For both of them, it felt like everything melted away. Just like when they were younger and neither had been asked to the school dance, so they took each other. They shared one slow dance that night, making the excuse that it was tradition and neither should miss out on their first slow dance. They had wanted to dance together at prom, but they had both regrettably had dates for once. Maria had been asked by a boy from her science class, he played on the basketball team and told her she was pretty AND smart (wow, how romantic, Carol thought when she heard the story).

Carol hadn’t been asked but when she found out Maria said yes after being pressured by her father and not hearing Carol make a strong argument against it, Carol forced some kid from one of her classes to come with her. All four had danced that night, split into the ‘correct’ gendered pairs. Carol couldn’t keep her eyes off her bestfriend, and the feeling was mutual. During the final slow dance, they were all on the floor swaying in and out of rhythm with the song playing. Carol and Maria locked eyes and didn’t unlock them until the song was over. They had danced again during their first military ball, quietly in the back behind a pillar where no one could see them. It was unspoken but well understood. They didn’t talk about it after, they just went about their business. They always did. And they would again after tonight, carrying on like time didn’t stop when they touched like this. As the music played, Carol’s hand rubbed Maria’s back absent mindedly, while Maria rubbed small circles against Carol’s neck as they swayed, both in and out of daydreaming, both drunk and leaning a little too heavily on eachother. They both fought the urge to look up at each other, so they let their heavy heads rest on each other as they danced, feet in perfect timing with eachothers. This is what friends do, right? They were so comfortable with each other, it wasn’t weird to slow dance. Right? They almost stopped moving entirely, leaving just a small rocking between them as the music played through them, syncing their breaths. You feel so good, they both thought at the same time, almost forgetting that their freedom in this moment was due to the cognac surging through them.

When time started again and the song stopped, an upbeat one replacing it, they both lingered for a moment longer trying to hold onto the comfort they felt, and trying to collect their drunk selves. Over the sound of the music, the bartender announced last call and they looked at each other with a mischievous smirk.

“Last one to the bar pays for the shots!” They said in unison, falling gracefully back into their routine. They ran over, both making it there at the same time, so as always they paid for each other’s shots and continued jamming to the music and letting the ambiance of the bar carry them through the rest of the night. Everyone knew everyone, so they felt safe, which was nice. As they finished their last two shots each, they both felt the drunkenness take its strong hold on them and they decided this would be their last song. They grabbed the karaoke mics that no one else wanted and belted at the top of their lungs, horribly but everyone loved it. They jumped up and down, bursting at the seams with laughter and lyrics, dancing with whoever danced with them. Once the song ended, they grabbed each other’s hands and ran for the coat rack, bounding forward despite their lack of balance.

Pulling on their jackets, they stepped outside into the cooler air and took it in. Carol checked her watch and was astonished to see the time, despite the fact they everyone knew last call at Pancho’s meant it was 2am and the bar would be closing at 2:30. She looked over at Maria who was staring up at the sky.

“What’re you look-”

“Shh! Make a wish! Right now before you miss it!”

Maria rushed Carol, keeping her eyes closed and her hands clasped together like she was praying, maybe even begging. Carol smiled, knowing the shooting star that must’ve passed was already gone, but she chose to believe the energy would linger for Maria and her. She closed her eyes and spent no time trying to figure out what to wish for. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed. They both did. Carol kept her eyes closed after she was done, letting her body relax and fully feeling the disorientation of her drunkenness. She felt woozy, almost nauseous. Maria stared at her while her eyes were shut, allowing her body to relax at the sight. She felt her body move for her, without permission. She grabbed Carol’s hand, shocking the woman’s eyes open and started running without any explanation.

“What are you doing Rambeau? Where are we going?”

Carol asked, confused, dizzy and feeling a familiar spike of excitement rise in her. Maria was even more daring and much less prudent when she was intoxicated. She was taking her on an adventure and she was ready to go. She would follow the woman anywhere, drunk or not.

“You’ll see. Don’t you trust me, Danvers?”

Maria called behind her, laughing and out of breath the whole time but never stopping. Carol didn’t need to answer, they both knew the answer. They kept up laughing, thankful for all the PT they’d been forced to do by the United States military. They ran down quiet streets for a few minutes, until they made it to a dirt path with a bunch of trees, leading them off the main road. Maria looked back at Carol with an excited and sly smile. Carol pulled her hand back and made her face her.

“You’re not trying to serial killer me, right? Where are you taking me?”

She laughed, but meant the question.

“C’monnn.” Maria tugged, wanting to live in the moment while she could.

“Don’t you trust me?”

She asked again, looking in Carol’s eyes with a glint, but soft. Penetrating, Carol thought to herself. She knew she couldn’t say no, she never could. So, she smiled and signaled for Maria to keep taking her wherever she was.

“Lead the way.”

This made Maria smile excitedly, adding an extra skip in her step. They weren’t running this time but they were walking fast, Maria jumping around Carol who felt like she was in a movie or a trance, eyes never leaving Maria’s dancing body as they made their way down the dark path, leaving her feet to trust whatever path Maria made for her. Maria saw a clearing in the trees ahead of them and she started running again, creating too much space for Carol’s comfort. She snapped out of her trance and ran after the faster woman, feeling anxiety and frustration rise in her for a moment.

“What the hell, Rambeau? It’s dark out here! You can’t just run o-” Carol started while she wiped the sweat and dust off her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw Maria standing at the edge of a lake surrounded by thick brown sand and trees. Maria waved her over and the frustration fled Carol’s body faster than it arrived. She jogged up to Maria who was already undressing, making Carol choke when she saw glimpses of Maria’s dark skin that she didn’t usually see. I mean, sure, they’d seen eachother in bathing suits and naked before, when they were kids, but it had been a while. A long while. Carol had to force her mouth shut before Maria could see it hanging open.

“Cmon, hurry up! We gotta jump in before my better judgement takes over!”

Maria rushed as she pulled off her socks and yanked her pants the rest of the way down, pulling them over her ankles. Carol was still frozen watching her.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared Danvers? Cmon! It’ll help with the drunkenness and it’ll be a story to tell our kids!”

Maria exclaimed, pulling her shirt over her head. All the was left was her bra and perfect light purple underwear. Carol snapped out of it and laughed.

“HA! What the hell are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re about to-”

“Skinny dip? Yes the hell I am. And so are you. Hurry up!”

Maria finished her sentence as she grabbed her hand, pulling her over and pulling the bandana off her head and tossing it with her own clothes she had made a pile of. She started pulling at Carols shirt sleeves until Carol brushed her away, laughing but really just unable to let Maria help undress her. She was suddenly feeling very shy but as always, Maria was going to get what she wanted from Carol because that’s what Carol wanted. Maria looked at her with that So, are you gonna do it or not? look that Carol was usually giving her and waited for Carol’s face to break into a smile she couldn’t help.

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this with you. Don’t cry to me when you regret it tomorrow and have to blow your hair out in the morning!”

Carol said as she pulled her shirt over her head and exposed her own body, one that Maria wasn’t sure how to fully take in either as she fought back a smile at Carol’s comment. She thought about the last time she’d seen Carol completely naked, or at least as naked as she almost was standing there. They used to get dressed in front of each other all the time and they’d been in matching bathing suits a bunch of times growing up but it had been a while, since they weren’t rooming together in the barracks. She forced her stare away while Carol undid her pants and slid out of them, leaving only her boy shorts, a bra and socks. She kicked her socks off to match as Maria finished pulling the rest of her underwear off, and by the time they both turned around, they were stark naked in the middle of nowhere, right in front of each other.

The silence sat for a moment before they both laughed, the tension easing away like it always did. Maria grabbed Carol’s hand and ran for the water, looking back only to ask You ready? as her feet made their way into the moist sand, inching towards the cold water. Carol shot back As I’ll ever be before making her way in too. They both plunged forward, swimming out a bit but not too far. They both shot under the water and looked at eachother, grabbing hands again before popping back up. The water rolled off of them as they broke through the surface, blinking it from their eyes and feeling their hair. They laughed loudly, finding their bearings in the freezing water.

“Holy shit!” Carol swore, bobbing a bit as she figured out how to float again. Still laughing.

“More like Holy FUUUCK!” Maria shouted out with a laugh in her voice, lifting it into the trees around them. She couldn’t stop laughing, and she couldn’t stop shivering. Carol looked at her as she held her free hand that she was using to balance herself with as she floated out to Maria who happily took it in hopes it would help stabilize her as well.

“You’re a god damn maverick, Rambeau!” Carol laughed as she spun Maria around, swimming in circles trying to keep her blood pumping to warm them both up. Maria swam gracefully, still holding onto Carol’s hand. She was laughing but she was also quieter now. Carol questioned if it was the cold or if it was whatever made her jump into a freezing lake anyway. She pulled her back in and held her hand tight as she pulled her onto her back, pressing her front to her back and taking deep breaths trying to stay warm while still enjoying the fluidity of movement the water provided. They both felt like they were flying, finally.

“What’s going on in your head?” Carol asked as she swam in different directions for a little bit, back and forth as Maria clung to her back, clearly the drunker of the two now. The shock of the water had helped to sober them both up but Carol always had a higher tolerance to alcohol as it was. She was still drunk but not as drunk as her bestfriend, whos head was resting on top of Carol’s wet curls. She knew the humidity and however she planned to get sleep that night wouldn’t help with her process in the morning.

“I just want to fly. I just wanna feel free, you know?” Maria started, not exactly slurring her words but they weren’t as uniform with her natural cadence as they usually were. Carol nodded slightly with a Mhm to assure Maria that she was listening.

“I just… I just wish we could do whatever we wanted to do. I’m so tired of living by the same rules every day. I wish I could just fly into space and stay there, sometimes, you know?” Carol smiled at the thought of Maria being able to fly how she was meant to. High up, above the clouds. Away from everyone and everything that constantly tried to tie her feet to the ground. She did know, she felt the same way about herself.

“You’d leave me here on earth to deal with these bastards?” Carol asked, joking but also not. Maria half laughed, half hiccuped at the thought.

“Wherever I am, you are too. That’s how it’s always going to be, Danver’s. I fly, you fly. You fly, I fly. That’s never gonna change.” Maria said, meaning it. She was always more emotionally open when she was drunk and Carol almost felt bad listening to her, knowing she wouldn’t normally open up like this - especially naked, freezing, clinging to her best friends back with all her might and drunk in a lake they had no business being in. But she couldn’t help but revel in what the woman was saying. She felt the same.

“I know. I know. Come on, lets go home.” Maria wanted to put up a fight but she was shivering and suddenly very sleepy, so she let Carol swim them to shore. When they got out the water, the warm air offered some support in their drunken attempts to pull on their clothing over wet and suddenly sand covered bodies. They weren’t sure if they were putting on the right things but they knew it was covering their important parts and that’s what matters.

“Can we stay at look at the stars for a little bit?” Maria asked, even though she was the one in charge, whether she knew it or not. Carol knew it. She nodded, knowing it wasn’t a good idea but one she couldn’t deny the soft woman in front of her. She spread their jackets out on the beach for them to lay down and they both did just that, scotting their bodies close to each other instinctively. They peered up at the stars above them, seeing them clearly in the huge circle the trees made. It was perfect, they both thought. Some moments went by before Carol asked a question.

“What did you wish for earlier?”

“Shh. I can’t tell or it won't come true. It was something I’ve always wanted, so it has to come true.” She explained, sleep and bourbon clouding her voice.

“Mine too.” Carol whispered, her own eyes growing heavy. They held hands and both thought that the other woman must’ve wished for them to finally be able to do their jobs the right way, to be able to fly for real. Little did they both know they were wishing for the same thing. Each other.

They laid there, staring at the stars until they weren’t. Sleep came easy for them that night, as odd as it was. It got odder when they woke up, facing each other with only a nose length between their faces, feeling the warm sting of the sun in their eyes. They looked at eachother and started laughing until they heard the familiar sound of security keys dangling and a radio in the nearing distance. They knew it had to be the wannabe cops that patrolled the area and they knew it was their time to get the hell out of there. They ran back down the same path and back onto the main road until they made it to Pancho’s. They slowed to a casual pace after that, trying not to draw attention to themselves even though they had sand all over and their hair was nowhere near what it looked like the previous night. They walked, quietly, but happily together back to the barracks and passed out in Maria’s room. She wanted the comfort of her own space to ease through her impending hangover, but she needed the comfort of Carol’s arms too. Carol put up no fight, trying not to be too obvious that she wanted to be there too. Though she’d never tell, Maria positioned herself perfectly to be held and went right to sleep.

Carol stayed up until she fell asleep like she always did, making sure she was on her side in case she threw up or needed water. She watched as Maria slept, looking like she was floating again. She was so beautiful and Carol was so tired. She laid down and held the woman, her arms perfectly fitting into the space that was left, like it was made for her. They slept most of the day away and when Carol woke up, she set medicine next to Maria’s bed and snuck out, quieter than normal. She thought about what Maria had said when she was in the water as she walked back to her room to take care of her own hangover and messed up fro’. She promised herself that day that no matter where she flew, she would make sure Maria would be there too. Behind that promise, she knew that she would follow Maria to the end of the earth, even the end of the universe without a second thought. She tried to shake some self respect back into her own dreams, smiling despite herself and went to sleep. She dreamed of Maria, because Maria was her dream.

Carol’s day dreaming was interrupted by a cold surge through the shower head again, and the sound of the downstairs sink running before being cut off. Her super hearing alerted her to the sound of Monica filling a cup and going to sit back down. She buzzed under the cold water before it eased back into the warmth she had set for herself. She felt more fond of the cold now. She stood back up and washed her body, letting the water run over her face. The soap smelled like both Monica and Maria and she felt comfort knowing she would smell like them now, too. She finished up and got out, drying herself with her powers instead of making more laundry for herself with the towels she had been looking at the night before. She grabbed her clothes and located her underwear and bra from the pile.

When she grabbed the pair of boxers, she looked at the inside hem and saw “DANVERS” written in smudged black sharpie on the white tag. She laughed with an edge of old frustration, remembering how she had to do that because people kept stealing her underwear in the laundry room as a prank because her and Maria had ranked up before a few of the other men in their unit. Maria’s clothes never got stolen, but they didn’t refrain from trying to get to her in other ways. None of which she ever humored, but Carol knew it got to her a few times. Some of the guys had called them ‘lesbos’ a few times, and eventually it evolved into the d slur. Both pilots always had different comebacks that consistently left the immature weasels with little to say back. Carol knew both of those words well having heard them most of her life, and she had taught herself not to internalize it.

Maria, on the other hand, let the first one roll off her for the most part - but the second one sometimes picked at scabs she had long covered up. Scabs she wasn’t ready to look at yet. They both decided not to report the harassment because it would probably end up worse if they did, and eventually it died down. They both continued to rise in ranks slowly but surely, and finally Mar-Vell came and they felt some reprieve from the monotony they were used to. Carol shivered at the thought of what came after that, though.

She slid the rest of her clothes on and walked back into the bedroom. She put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket next to the closet for her to do later, and walked back over to the box of her things. She’d seen a bunch of stuff Monica had shown her the first time she came home, but she wanted to know what was in the other boxes Maria had kept. She went through the bottom of the box that had her clothes in it not finding anything she hadn’t already seen, and then pulled open the other one they had left out. She presumed this is one Maria hadn’t shown Monica as it had light dust on it when she opened it.

She sifted through, halfway hoping to find another pair of underwear, but instead she found a bunch of papers and trinkets. Some necklaces and a silver chain bracelet, wristbands from carnivals and bars they had been to together, a pair of dice from a board game they had stolen from a store one time when they were younger and had kept as they grew up. She ran her hands over everything, trying to take in as much of her former self as she could like she always did when she had the chance. She fumbled at the bottom of the box and pulled out a bunch of papers, some folded, some grocery lists with toiletries and snacks crossed off here and there, some half done crossword puzzles that Carol was never good at, and a few opened envelopes. She sat the rest down and looked over each envelope with care.

Some had cards in them, birthday and christmas cards, one from valentines day. All of them had silly characters or jokes on the front. They had made a good habit of buying each other cheesy cards for every holiday they could think of, Carol strained to remember as she read through them. She rubbed her finger over Maria’s perfect signature, wondering if she kept the ones Carol had gotten her, too. She filed through the papers curiously, flipping through piece after piece of paper that held a small snapshot of moments in her life. Mundane, ordinary moments. She cherished them, and she was grateful to both Maria for keeping them and herself for never being organized and keeping all this stuff that most people would’ve eventually thrown away or allowed themselves to misplace over time. Her eyes fixed on a thicker envelope. She grabbed it, reading the red script labeled across the front.

To: Danvers

From: Rambeau ♡

Carol smiled at the little heart Maria had drawn next to her last name. She opened the letter, finding another heart on the back of the envelope where it was once sealed. Carol reads over the letter, feeling emotion and memory rise up in her chest, spreading through her whole body. The letter is dated, of course because Maria is ever punctual. It was from when they had been stationed at two separate bases for the first few months. It was agony for both of them, being in two separate states. Carol had sent Maria a letter when she first arrived, thinking she would be the first one to write. She was shocked, however, to find a letter waiting for her when she arrived at the post office on base. She had opened it the second she got back to her barracks room. It was an envelope inside an envelope, the outer one having had their full names and ranks and official military postage, the second one having the cute little hearts Maria drew perfectly when she wrote. Again, she was softer than most people expected her to be.

The letter expressed pretty much exactly what Carol had in hers, which came to no surprise to either of them when they both read what the other had sent. They were always on the same wavelength. They both had so much more they needed to say, but they were so grateful to hold something physical that the other had taken time to write for the other. Maria asked how Carol was doing, explained what had been going on with her, and complained about the men on base per usual. Just as if they were together in person.

As Carol read through it, she laughed, probably how she had the first time, at a lot of the letter. Towards the end though, she felt a tight ball of heat sitting in her chest restricting her breathing. She almost couldn’t read through what was left of the letter. Was she embarrassed?

“Anyways, I hope you’re still kicking ass. I KNOW you are, that always came easy to you.

I hope we can call soon, hopefully without being interrupted by the other idiots needing to use the phone every single time you do. I can’t believe there's only four on your base and only two that actually work (what happened to ‘The Air Force’s finest?’). You’d think with all the money the military has.. You know. I know it’s hard for both of us to find the time right now but I just really miss you, Carol. I miss shitty karaoke a lot, I can’t do it with these clowns here without you. Friday nights just aren’t the same haha. I miss renting the same movies every weekend and staying up all night eating too much. I even watched Fame the other day without you. I still hate it but it was nice, I just wish you were here to act out all the scenes. And I’ll deny it if you ever tell anybody, but I even miss your shitty cooking (burn this after reading), and not just because it makes it easier for me to be the better cook, but just because it’s you. I never used to hate writing letters but I do now, because it reminds me how far they have to travel to get to you. I hate that we’re not together, we’ve always been together. And as much as I act like I know what I’m doing, sometimes I feel lost without you here. And I know we’ve been pretending everything is the same but it isn’t, at least not for me. I wish we had more time to talk before you left. I wish we had more time in general. Damn the Air Force. Regardless, I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m so proud of you. I always am.

It’ll all be better soon. I believe that, just like you always do. We’ll be up in the air in no time. I’ll meet you up there. I’ll be the one whipping by you. Catch up if you can.

Take good care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it for you.

You’re the best damn pilot in the Air Force (second only to me, of course), and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Call me when you get the chance. And hurry up and write back!

Always,

Rambeau.

Ps. Things wont always be this way. Don’t forget that. And don’t forget that round of shots you owe me, either, goofball.”

Carol felt the heat of a blush running to her cheeks. She was thankful for her dark complexion hiding it, although no one was there to see her anyways. Why did she feel so giddy, and also… embarrassed? She felt like she was reading someone’s diary, even though the letter was clearly addressed to her and she had already read it. Years ago. She scanned over the text again, regarding Maria’s perfect handwriting. She felt like she was reading a love letter. Maybe it was, but she was too anxious to entertain the thought too much. She wasn’t exactly sure what that would mean, and she wasn’t sure if this year's old letter still even meant anything other than friendship.

Maria had been tight lipped about a lot of stuff, even though she pretended like she wasn’t. Her and Monica always answered Carol’s questions openly, happily for the most part unless it was about the ‘missing period’. They all tried to avoid that subject now, as time had gone by, but they all also knew that it would come up naturally sometimes and it couldn’t be left unanswered all the time. Aside from that, to the untrained eye, it seemed like Maria was willing to give up any bit of information that would help get them all back to how they used to be or at least help figure out what life looked like moving forward. But Carol knew better, she had a very well trained eye for Maria Rambeau, it was second nature for her - with or without the gaps in her memory. There had been a few moments, just brief enough to almost miss, since Carol came back the first time with Fury and even more recently on some of her visits, when the unshakeable Maria had gotten flustered or nervous, where the heat currently in Carol’s cheeks had been in hers. When her heart threatened to beat so hard it would leap from her chest. Granted, she hid it well but again, Carol could always see through her. She seldom was at a loss for words or made quick, messy cover ups in conversation. Usually the people around them didn’t even notice. Monica didn’t even catch it, or at least didn’t acknowledge it. It happened once or twice when Carol and Maria were alone, too. Carol knew things like that only happened when Maria felt unsure, or when she really didn’t want to talk about something. Anyone who had ever met Maria knew she was as straightforward as they come, so that’s what made Carol pay extra attention when she was avoiding something.

The thoughts of romance danced around Carol’s brain tauntingly, aching for her to pull them forward and examine them. But knowing how Maria was, and knowing that she only got that way when she was purposefully avoiding something, Carol settled on a quiet feeling of rejection instead - against her better judgment. She let it swell through her, enflaming the previous feelings of embarrassment right along with it. She put the letter away, resigning that she should just be thankful to have a friend who cares for her so much and that she wouldn’t allow herself to think anything else. She did this often, rejected herself before other people could to avoid the stinging feeling of embarrassment or disappointment her parents and the people she grew up with often supplied her with.

Maria never made her feel that way, and maybe that's why she would accept this quiet, self imposed feeling now instead of facing it in person with the other woman. She couldn’t risk ruining something she had just gotten back, anyways. Right? Right, she forced herself to agree in her head. She decided to go find Monica and clear her head of the letter. As she walked out, she glanced at the picture of Maria and the child again and sighed softly, letting a small smile of gratitude cover her face. This could be enough for her, if she would let it be.

Monia was sitting on the couch still, no longer paying any mind to the tv playing in the background. She was eagerly reading through the huge phone book they usually had sitting on the coffee table, bracing it against her bended knees as she flipped through the yellow pages quickly.

“What’re you looking for, Lt. Trouble?”

“Someone who sells the parts I need for my next invention! What letter do you think that would be under?”

Carol laughs, deciding to humor the girl.

“Hmm, you know I’m not sure. Have you tried under sales? Or maybe…a junkyard?”

“I could try the junkyard! I didn’t try that yet!”

“Maybe I can get you a hook up from Fury, orrrr maybe your mom knows someone at her job? What’re you even looking for?”

“I already asked her last week! She said she would check but I think she was just saying that. Here’s my list.”

Monica handed Carol a surprisingly long list, with a few things checked off that Carol assumed were already laying around the house. She wondered if Maria knew that these things had been checked off, which gave her a good chuckle. She set the list down and turned to Monica.

“Okay, I think I can get you some of these but the bigger things are definitely gonna need some work. Maybe we can roll down to the junkyard this week?”

“YES! And no take-backsies!”

“Wouldn’t dare. How about you come help me handle the laundry and dishes and then we can head outside?”

“Deal. I think you might need help figuring out the detergent set up Ma’ has anyways. She’s very particular.”

Monica explains, leaping up into action and grabbing Carol’s hand to pull her along.

Monica was right, Maria had a very elaborate and strict laundry system. The two of them likely didn’t get it exactly right but they did their best to pay attention to details neither of them really cared about but knew Maria did, wanting not only to please and respect Maria, but also wanting to avoid what she would have to say about it if they got it wrong or chose to ignore it. Carol tried to use her powered speed and agility to help make the process move quicker, but it only hindered the experience. She noted that the chance to move slowly and be mindful was probably why Maria seemed to enjoy the routine of laundry and such. It probably helped calm her down and help her be present after long days working to protect the whole world, while still having to be a full time mom to a rather rambunctious child, on top of whatever anxiety Carol added throughout her week. She smiled and decided to try and match the attentiveness. Her and Monica spent a while switching between loading and unloading, doing the dishes left over from dinner last night and breakfast - eventually returning to sort and fold the clean clothes and linens. It smelled lovely in the laundry room, reminding both of them of Maria. It comforted them in a way only she could.

Once they finished with the inside chores, they decided to mix and match to-do lists. Monica needed to catch some frogs just as much as Carol needed to mow the lawn, she insisted. Carol agreed to help her catch some frogs if she would agree to help her patch up some of the paint that Maria had been avoiding doing. They shook on it, running off into the field that would be mowed down later in the day. They went at it excitedly, jumping around in the tall grass and dirt, painting not so gracefully and splattering white paint on each other by “accident”.

By the time they finished the side of the house and Monica had caught, released and named at least eight frogs that she swore were all different despite being nearly identical, they had both created more laundry to do and were both definitely in need of a bath but neither minded in the slightest. Even once they were done, they chased each other around tirelessly until Monica was hiccupping and giggling at the same time. Carol marveled at Monica’s intrinsic wonder and love at the world around her. In her Hero heart, watching it solidified her sense of duty to protect the galaxy, making sure nothing and no one could ever bring harm to the world her daughter so loved. But in her Carol heart, it made her giddy too. Almost envious in a way. She missed the days when she could roll around in a yard and only worry about trying not to crush too many bugs. Now she had to worry about whether someone was going to crush a planet or not. She often longed for a childhood she never really had, and sometimes even the one she did have when she could piece it together. She knew it wasn’t a good one, but she had Maria. She just had Maria. And now Monica does too, and god was she glad about it.

Carol picked the younger girl up and flew her to the front porch in a flash, something Maria would swear she didn’t approve of as she fought back her own giggles. Monica shouted with pure glee as her feet landed back on the wood she knew well. They zipped in the house and ran to the kitchen, ready for lunch. Monica decided she would handle making it, promising Carol the best turkey and cheese sandwich she would ever have. Or at least better than she could make herself.

“Mayo or mustard Mama?”

Carol beamed a grin across her face, feeling a familiar hot blush swipe across her at the word mama but she tried to play it cool.

“I want whatever you’re having, Trouble!”

Carol responded happily, only after registering the fact that she hated mustard and hoped that Monica did too. She watched as the girl ran through the kitchen, leaving a small mess across different surfaces. She whipped up the two sandwiches like she did it very often, and sat two plates down in front of Carol with a big toothy smile.

“Wa-La! The Trouble special!”

She exclaimed, nudging the sandwich to Carol and taking a big bite out of her own, leaving a smudge of mayo on the inner side of her finger. Thank god, Carol laughed to herself. Before she could remind the girl to make sure she cleaned up, Monica was already stacking up her ingredients and propping open the fridge with her foot. This made the woman smile, knowing she had probably heard one too many times from Maria about cleaning up after herself.

“Take a bite!” Monica mumbled, chewing down another bite herself and gesturing to Carol with her hands. Carol bit into the sandwich and began mimicking the fancy chefs they would watch on tv together.

“Mmm! Magnificent work yet again, Chef Rambeau!”

Monica smiled before straightening her face and standing up straight before taking a bow, nearly dropping her own sandwich. They both laughed and enjoyed their sandwiches, Carol deciding to sneak Monica a coke in thanks for making the best sandwich she’d ever had, saying "this ones on me” and promising to tell Maria she drank them if she asks. Once they both finished and decided that Monica won the burping contest, they decided to tackle the lawn and climb the tree. Monica ran back outside like she had all the energy in the world, and Carol followed behind at a much slower pace as if she didn’t literally have all the energy in the world.

They took turns pushing the mower up and down the huge yard in different directions, trying to make different drawings with the pattern it created. Carol figured Maria wouldn’t mind much. Once they finished, both sweating under the direct heat of the sun, they were both happy to have some reprieve when they made their way over to the trees. Carol laid down in the grass underneath the biggest tree, grateful for the shade it provided.

She breathed deep, taking in the soft wind that was blowing. It wasn’t as humid as she had expected, another thing she was grateful for. Monica plopped herself next to her, pulling up her tee shirt sleeves to match Carol’s rolled up sleeves. She poked at the tan line appearing where the shirt sat for most of the day. Carol pointed to her own, kind of happy to have a tan to her brown skin again. She spent a lot of time in her suit, so it always felt nice to have regular clothes on. She thought about how the sun on earth felt so different than on other planets, who all had different sources of heat and light. She looked over at Monica, who was now laying down too, watching a lady bug crawl through her hands. She was brighter than the sun, Carol thought, before she pushed her sunglasses up her forehead to tangle in her fro’ again.

“So, you’re gonna conquer the big one today, huh?”

“Absolutely. Mom always gets nervous so she told me to wait until you came home again. The whole super power thing and stuff.”

Monica rolled her eyes and continued looking at the lady bug with curiosity.

“Well, she kinda has a point kiddo. Let’s do it.”

Monica jumped to her feet, pausing only to gently place the lady back in the grass and hopped over to the foot of the tree. She walked around it, looking for the perfect place to start. She found her footing and called Carol over to spot her from behind.

“Alright, pay attention and be careful. Let me know if you get stuck, okay?”

“Gotcha gotcha. If I get stuck, will you fly up to me?”

Monica asked while climbing up the first couple inches, hoisting herself up to find a sturdy hand hold between two branches and bracing her legs against either side.

“We’ll see.”

Carol watched intently, squinting her eyes against the sun and smiling with her teeth, hands ready to catch Monica. The girl climbed up a few feet and held on tight.

“So, this is how far I got last time with Mom. I just have to streeetchhhhh over to the next branch.”

“You got this, just pretend your arms are made of elastic and reach.”

Monica tried a few times to stretch over with no success, before deciding to just leap as far as she could to connect her hands. Carol’s heart nearly jumped out her chest, not even realizing her own feet had ended up off the ground, floating next to the girl who had successfully made the jump. She smiled at her mom, ignoring the small scratches on her forearms that were starting to bleed just a little bit.

“Jesu- Good job, Trouble! Just maybe tell me next time?”

“We’ll see.”

Monica shot back with that same toothy grin her mother has. She made her way up the rest of the tree and sat on the highest branch she felt comfortable with, kicking her feet with pride. Carol decided to climb the tree next, doing it with ease to meet Monica on the branch. She sat on the one next to it, as to not add too much weight.

“Why didn’t you just fly or float or something?”

“That would be cheating! Plus, I wanna be as cool as you are. I wish I had a camera so we could show your mom!”

“I’ll just have to do it again!”

“Sounds like a plan, kiddo.”

Carol laughed, squeezing Monica’s cheek just a bit before letting her climb on her shoulders to fly back down and head to the house to clean up.

After washing up, they decided to play some video games for a bit until it was time to start setting up for dinner. They had about two hours until Maria got home and they both wanted to at least be started on food when she arrived. Monica pulled out all her favorites and told Carol to pick which one to play first. They took turns picking after the first few rounds of operation, shutes and ladders, and jenga - all of which Monica won.

Carol insisted on playing something she had a fighting chance at, so they grabbed the deck of cards from the coffee table and played Go Fish. Carol won the first round, but Monica won the last three. Finally, admitting full defeat, Carol asked if they had anymore games. Monica grabbed two more from where they kept them, splaying them on the table. Carol’s eyes caught something familiar, pulling it to herself without a thought. She stared at the worn box and tried to remember. Monica watched, offering an explanation just as Carol was finding one of her own.

“Mom says she always used to beat you at this. She wouldn’t play it with me for a while but one day she brought it out after dinner and taught me. She beat me too the first two times, but I beat her after that. You wanna play?”

Carol wasn’t sure if she was biting back a smile, a laugh, or tears. She nodded and let Monica set the board up. Monica read the instructions out loud just in case Carol didn’t remember it, which Carol wasn’t sure if she did. She decided to just play and see what sticks. Monica handed her the light blue piece without asking, and Carol saw that it had her initials written on it. She watched as Monica sorted through the colors, passing over the purple one that had M.R written on it. She felt a tug in her heart as she watched Monica choose the red one that had a small, barely legible M.R on it too. She watched as Monica pulled out cards and then a set of white and black dice. Carol stood up abruptly, leaving Monica no time to question it.

“Hang on, there’s two pieces missing. I’ll go grab them.”

Carol ran upstairs almost embarrassingly fast and b-lined for the box she had looked through earlier. She grabbed the two colorful die she had left there earlier and headed back downstairs, feeling a mixture of excitement and belonging, along with a deeper, quieter sense of yearning.

Her and Monica played several rounds, Monica winning the first one until Carol remembered all her strategies from all the times she had beat Maria’s ass at the game. Carol agreed to another game, rolling the dice first since she lost the last round. She rolled doubles, and took her turn. While Monica was doing her lucky roll ritual of blowing on the dice and kissing her small hands, Carol felt herself slipping into a memory she had long displaced. She let herself remember slowly, recalling the reason the dice had even been separated from the game board in the first place.

“You take the board, I’ll take the dice. That way, we both have a piece, neither of us can play, and then no one else gets the chance to whoop your ass. That’s reserved for my talents.”

Carol laughed, but she was being serious. She was desperate to hold onto anything that could be just for them. Something she could carry in her pocket shamelessly, that no one would understand if they saw. They might think she had a gambling addiction or something, no one would suspect she was trying to hold onto any remnants she could of the woman she loved in her everyday life. She watched as Maria chuckled, probably formulating a sarcastic comeback, Carol assumed with a smirk. Maria never just accepted defeat, that's why they had played the game so many times.

“Sounds good to me, Danvers. I wouldn’t let anybody else win, anyway.”

Maria quipped back, knowing she never actually let the other woman win but she couldn’t resist making her think about the possibility. She, too, was happy to keep as many tangible reminders of what they had with her. They both had been fighting with themselves for their friendship to be enough, that having that ripped away from them sent them both reeling. She rubbed her finger over the ripped up pricing sticker on the back of the box waiting for Carol to respond.

“Yeah, OKAY. Like hell you let me win. No one loses that many times, THAT bad and is just letting-”

Maria wrapped her arms around the other woman, letting the box and a few pieces fall out on her bed. She held on tight and fought against sniffling. She wouldn’t let herself let it go. Let her go. She felt Carol choke on the words she didn’t get to finish and relax her body into the embrace. It was almost too relaxed. Neither wanted to admit they were fighting back tears that might never stop flowing if they let them start.

Carol didn’t mind being cut off, she was just finding words to string together anyway. There really wasn’t time for small talk but what else were they supposed to do? Leave it up to Maria to figure it out. To do the thing no one else would. To make the move everyone was afraid to - the one Carol was afraid too. Most people thought Carol was the fearless one just based off her usual demeanor and what people saw her do. Little did they know that she had never been more terrified than in this moment. Not knowing when they’d be able to play the game again. Not knowing when they would be able to touch like this again. Not knowing anything other than that they were afraid and loved each other so deeply.

They sat like that for longer than they both figured they should’ve, but neither felt any regret or shame in the moments as they piled up. They both ignored the awkward angle they were in, they both ignored the sounds outside the barracks room, they both ignored the clock as it ticked cruelly forward. They sank into each other, both laying their chins on the other's shoulder, letting the sides of their faces touch. It was close enough to look over and kiss. Neither dared to let the thought get too loud, choosing to let the contact be enough. It always had to be just enough, between them.

They didn’t say much after that, just small hums and sniffles here and there as they rocked slowly trying to find any sort of comfort they could. They laid down after a while, and before Maria could protest through her tears, Carol promised she would get up early enough to make it back to her room before the bus left the base. They laid there, quietly fighting sleep, wrapped as close together as they could be. Maria kept her face down and her forehead on Carol’s chest, Carol kept her arm under Maria’s neck and pulled her as close as she could with the other. Eventually she reached for Maria’s hand, this time it was her turn to do the thing that they both needed someone to do. Maria eventually cried herself to sleep, and Carol stayed up just rocking her softly until the sun came up.

When she stood up to leave, grabbing her bags and smoothing a hand over her braid, Maria turned over to take her in. She tried to glare at her, but it softened itself against her will into a sad smile.

“Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye, Danvers.”

They both felt a warm tear or two tear itself across their cheeks. Carol tried her best to match the smile Maria was bravely offering her but it came off even weaker. She walked over and kissed the woman on the forehead before turning to leave, afraid that if she stayed even a minute longer she would never leave. Thoughts of going AWOL floated through her head for the billionth time since she had gotten her orders four days ago. She fought them off with as much strength as she could muster and took another step into the door frame.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She felt the glare of a rising sun sear into her eyes and she stepped through the threshold, choosing not to look back at the woman on the bed she had just left. Maria wondered if she would’ve looked back either, as she let herself curl into herself and let out the sobs she was fighting back before. She silenced them as best as she could and stayed that way until she had to get up, leaving her no choice but to pull herself together into something that resembled the woman she was just a few days before.

Carol stood outside the door, trying hard not to listen for Maria for a moment before forcing her feet forward. Step after step, more tears fell from her as she grit her teeth to fight back the screams sitting in her chest. She, too, had to be put together in the next few minutes and it seemed the most impossible task. It almost was.

“Ma’? It’s your turn.”

Carol shook her head, only then registering the wetness in her eyes. She picked up the dice and rolled them, trying to refocus on the game infront of her. She shouted when she rolled doubles again, meaning she got to go twice now.

“Looks like I still got it, afterall!”

“Yeah.. sure. Let’s ignore that I beat you all the other times.”

Monica laughed out, observing the change in her mother.

“I was just letting you win!”

Carol laughed, mostly to herself, as she moved the blue piece across the board.

“That’s what mom always says. I don’t believe her and I definitely don’t believe you!”

Monica shot back playfully. This made them both laugh, knowing it was true. Some things don’t change.

They kept playing a few turns until Monica finally decided to ask the question she had been formulating the whole game so far.

“What were you thinking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just now, after you took your first turn. It seemed like you weren’t really here for a little bit.”

Monica, just like her mother, ever to the point. Carol hesitated before choosing to just answer truthfully.

“Sometimes, when I’m home with you guys or even when I’m out there in space.. If I touch something, or smell something or someone says a certain somethin’... I remember stuff. Sometimes its just a quick second in my mind, sometimes its like flashbacks. I have a lot of rememberin’ to do, so sometimes I get stuck trying to see it clearly.”

Monica stared at the woman in front of her with understanding eyes. She waited a moment before responding.

“That makes sense, you know. I heard on TV that amnesia can make it take a while to get all your memories back.”

Carol shifted in her seat at the word amnesia, because it was so medical. She never actually did get checked out by a doctor on earth, trying to avoid a conversation about why she was super charged 24/7. She didn’t want to draw attention to her family but she had heard the word being tossed around by Fury and Maria a few times. She nodded at Monica, motioning for the girl to take her turn as they talked. Monica continued.

“Ya’know… I like when you remember stuff. Sometimes I get sad thinking you don’t know all the stuff I do. But then I just remember that it's still in there somewhere. There’s a lot of good stuff waiting for you.”

The girl smiled reassuringly, finishing her turn and deciding to pat Carol’s hand softly just like her mom does to her when she’s upset by something.

“You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

“Of course I know that. I’m actually a genius, but that’s all just semantics.”

“You got me there, kiddo.”

Carol said while rolling the dice again and moving her pieces. She might actually win this round.

“If you ever have any questions about stuff, you can just ask me. Mommy doesn’t always tell you or me everything, but I remember. Sometimes I think I know more than both of you combined.”

Monica smirked, looking over the board calculating precisely how to take Carol out now that she had her where she wanted her. She took her turn calmly, trying not to alert Carol to her master plan. Carol watched mindlessly as the girls piece glided across the board. Maybe she wouldn’t win this round, actually.

“That would be nice, Mon. Thanks. You can ask me stuff too. Also, just spare me and take me out now!”

Carol smirked back, knowing she would have to roll doubles again to beat the red piece.

“It’s no fun if you just give up!”

Carol decided to do Monica’s good luck trick this time, blowing on each die separately and then kissing her hands when she brought them together. She tossed them on the board aimlessly, trying not to focus on the numbers so she didn’t jinx it. They both watched as both die rolled a 3.

“No way!”

“Haha! Maybe your lucky trick does work!”

Carol laughed as she moved her piece past Monica’s and into the goal. Finally, a win. She stood up and did a goofy dance around the table like Monica had done before her when she was winning. They both started the giggles again, deciding it was probably time to start cleaning up and getting everything ready for dinner.

As they sorted through the cabinets together, Monica standing on the counter despite what her mother would say, Monica began telling Carol stories to see if she could help jog her memory since Carol hadn’t asked any questions yet. She ran through her baby years, her toddler years - especially her ‘troublesome two’s’ as Maria calls them, and everything up until when Carol went missing. They both chose not to talk about why there was such a gap in time. Carol listened quietly, laughing here and there when the story almost always resulted in some hilarious mishap on Carol and Monica’s part. Monica felt successful as she could see her mom piecing things together while they attempted to boil noodles and mix together pasta sauce on the stove. They both tried to keep it from getting messy, not wanting to add any stress to Maria’s plate when she got home.

Monica told as many stories as she could while Carol took them in happily, filing some away to focus on later when she could fully process them. They were all happy moments, usually funny. It was nice to know that life was good before the accident. Finally, when they started grating the cheese together, Monica decided she would ask some questions now since she had told so many stories. She had a lot she wanted to know too.

“Here, you do this one and I’ll do this one. Just be careful with the grater, it can get tricky towards the end.”

Carol motioned to Monica as she walked over to the table with a bowl to put the cheese in when they were done. Carol picked up some cheese and got to work, being mindful herself. Just because cuts healed up quickly for her didn’t mean they didn’t sting when she got them. She knew this well, especially being in a kitchen. Monica started grating too, trying to perfectly time her question. She had been through the boxes upstairs too, always making sure to leave them how she found them so she didn’t tip her mother off. She never understood why she kept them private from her like she didn’t already know about most of the stuff in there.

“So, why don’t you and mom kiss anymore?”

Carol’s hand skidded to a stop, a choke coming up her throat that ended in a cough she could barely get out. She stood there stunned for a moment, unsure if she had heard the girl correctly. She didn’t notice the small cut on the side of her finger from the edge of the grater yet.

“W-what?”

“Why don’t you and mommy kiss anymore? I don’t know why she keeps all that stuff in the boxes upstairs a secret like I didn’t always see you guys. It was normal when you guys acted normal, now it’s weird seeing you two act different. Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

Carol was still too stunned to speak, standing over the more than half grated cheese that was now no good to use since her finger was bleeding a bit more. Monica looked up at her and noticed the blood, then stared at her with those same curious eyes, only now a touch of concern in them. Carol could feel the stare so she forced herself to shake her head again, clearing her throat in the process.

“I, um, I don’t really know what you’re talking about I don’t think.”

“Right. Here, your blood is ruining the cheese.”

Monica handed her a towel. Carol looked down and finally noticed all the blood. It wasn’t a crazy amount but definitely enough to have ruined the cheese. She wrapped the towel around it and walked to the sink, rinsing it off with cool water while she felt like she was in a daze. She started thinking about the letter Maria had sent her again. She read through the words in her head again, over and over while the water stung her finger. She could hear Monica in the back cleaning up her mess and she felt bad. She felt bad for ruining a part of dinner per usual, but also for reacting this way. And for not actually having an answer. She couldn’t have been sure before this but now she could.

Maybe? Maybe Monica meant cheek kissing or forehead kisses. Maybe her child mind was more innocent than Carol’s confused one. She turned the water off and looked in the junk drawer for some bandaids. She pulled out a pink barbie one and wrapped it tight over her new cut. It would probably be gone in a few hours but she wanted the security of the bandaid in the moment. For some reason, she felt shaken up again. Her face felt hot and her chest felt tight. She turned back to Monica who was finishing up her grating now, adding it into the bowl. As Carol walked back over to grab it to put with the rest of the food, she was searching for something to say in response that actually made sense. Before she could get anything out, Monica chimed in again.

“I’m sorry I asked, I wasn’t sure if it would make you feel funny. But please don’t tell mom I was snooping. I just wanted to see as much of you as I could. But she’ll be upset with me if you tell, I think.”

“Don’t worry about it, Trouble. Secrets safe with me.”

Carol said, smiling weakly at the girl. Monica did feel bad, but she also kind of knew this would be the reaction Carol would have. It only confirmed one of her theories, that Carol didn’t remember that her and Maria were in a relationship. She was almost tempted to say something else when they both heard the sound of Maria’s car pull in the long drive way. They looked at each other and nodded quickly. Monica started cleaning off the table while Carol started making plates. Finally, something her super speed could help with. She made all three plates and set them on the table right as Maria opened the front door. Monica ran over to her, hugging her tightly as she hung her bag on the rack near the door. She hugged back, running her hand softly over the girls forehead with a smile.

“Smells good in here. Did Monica cook?” Maria laughed, kicking off her work shoes and slipping on the sandals she wore around the house.

“Haha, very funny!”

Carol shouted from the kitchen where she was borderline having a panic attack, trying to figure out how to act normal enough to get through the rest of the night with Monica’s question looming over her head.

“Nope, I only helped! Mama Carol did most of the work. I made lunch though. Mom said it was the best sandwich she’d ever had anywhere in all the galaxies!”

Monica exclaimed, only half telling the truth, as she nearly dragged Maria to the kitchen table.

“I said something like that, yes.”

Carol laughed, her mouth forming into a smile when her eyes met Maria’s.

Maria smiled back before quickly looking around the kitchen, half expecting to see a new scorch mark somewhere.

“It looks… the same as I left it, in here, minus a few dirty dishes. I’m impressed, Danvers.”

Maria smirked, walking to the sink to wash her hands before sitting down and letting Monica get in her lap. She was certainly growing, she barely fit between the table and Maria anymore but she always made it work.

“How was your day?”

Monica asked her mother, once again kicking her feet excitedly, being back in the presence of Maria. It meant a lot to Maria that she still got excited to see her. She hoped it would last through puberty.

“Ya’know, same ol’ same ol’. Protecting the world from aliens, which oddly enough usually is just a bunch of paperwork no one else reads or signs. So, pretty successful I guess.”

Maria laughed, pulling Monica’s cheek in for a small peck.

“I’m more interested in how YA’LL’S day went. The lawn looks… great, by the way.”

Before Carol could chime in, which she wasn’t going to being that she was staring at Maria’s toned arms the entire time she’d been in the room, Monia answered for them both.

“It was AWESOME! We caught so many frogs, I named one after you, and then I finally climbed up the whole tree!”

Maria chuckled, noting the small scrapes on her daughter but not worrying. It wasn’t a normal day if Monica didn’t get at least one scrape or bruise from her exploring.

“Well, I’m flattered. Did you get any help from a certain superhero, by any chance?”

“Nope, she did it all on her own. Much faster than I did, too.”

Carol answered while shooting her hands up like finger guns, shooting a wink to Monica who delighted at the remark.

Maria looked at the pink Barbie bandaid on the woman’s finger and half laughed half frowned.

“Seems like no one made it out without a few cuts today, huh?”

Carol looked down at her hand, almost embarrassed. She laughed.

“She got that from grating cheese, not climbing the tree!”

Monica answered, once again saving Carol from trying to find words.

“Why am I not surprised? Well anyways, thank you both for doing such a good job with the chores today. Looks like you both really earned that extra tv time tonight.”

Maria winked at them both before letting Monica scoot off her leg and back into her own chair, ready to eat.

“Thank god, I’m so hungry. I forgot to pack lunch last night so all I had today was a bunch of coffee and some nasty as- mm, some gross altoids my secretary had.”

“Sheesh. I hope it actually tastes like food this time then! Oop, I forgot the forks.” Carol said, about to get up and grab them. Monica beat her to it and ran over to the counter, leaving the two women with a moment or two to take each other in. They both held back a sigh, and just smiled at each other. The eye contact felt too much for both of them, for the same and different reasons.

Monica returned and they broke their shared gaze, both feeling a mixture of missing it and thankful that it was over. Monica handed everyone a fork she had picked specifically for them and they all ate, swapping stories of their days back and forth. Maria laughed feeling relieved hearing how well the day went, she was hoping she would still have a house to come back between Monica and Carol. As they were all finishing their meals, Maria noticed the stack of games left out on the coffee table.

“Make sure you put those up, Mon’.” She said softly, taking a sip of some iced tea.

“I will. Also, guess who won the most games tonight? Guess, guess!”

Carol shook her head with a laugh.

“Hmm, if I was gonna take a wild guess… You?!”

Maria smiled widely, pointing at her daughter playfully.

“You betcha’! I whooped Mama Carol’s butt like eighty billion times at all the games. Even the one you taught me that she was supposed to be super good at, even with the new fancy dice! She only won that one three times, and the last one was just pure luck cause’ I almost had it!”

Carol and Monica laughed together, and suddenly Maria’s eyes unfocused. The laughter in the background melted into one sound, and everything else started to go quiet. She thought about the dice. The colors on the dots. Where she had left them sitting, in the box, in her room. She thought about why they were in Carol’s belongings and not her own. Then she thought about everything else that was in the box with them. She only came to when Monica and Carol’s laughing slowed down, reminding her that it would seem weird if she didn’t respond in the next second or two.

“Well, it looks like the mighty do fall sometimes. I used to let her win that game every time we played it.”

Maria half heartedly laughed with a smirk, almost instantly regretting bringing up the past. Carol looked down at her almost empty plate for a moment before fixing her own face to shoot back something well timed and sarcastic enough to play off the shudder that sentence sent through her spine.

“Hmm, crazy cause when it comes to everyone else in the world, meaning you, I’m still the world champion. Monica just had that lucky dice trick.”

Before Maria could even laugh, Monica jumped in.

“Hey! It’s not just the lucky dice, I just also happen to be the smartest person in the whole wide stinkin’ world too!”

“You make a good point.”

Carol and Maria said in unison, both with an adoring laugh. All three looked at each other and broke out laughing, feeling thankful for the lack of awkwardness that probably would’ve left in the air if it wasn’t so funny.

After that, everyone finished and avoided the different subjects on everyone’s minds happily. Carol cleaned up the plates, grazing by Maria’s arm while she walked to the sink. Monica pulled Maria over to the couch with her while Carol washed the dishes, quickly putting away all the games they had left out and positioning herself on the couch while Maria flipped through the channels for her. She had sat right in the middle, leaving just enough space for either woman on both sides of her. She really did live up to that nickname sometimes, both mother’s thought. When Carol made her way over, they were just settling on a show to watch.

“Remember, you get 10 extra minutes.”

“Does that have to count commercials? Can we pause the timer when they come on? Pleeeeeaasssshhhhh.”

Monica pretended to beg to both women who laughed.

“We’ll see what we can do. Time starts now, though.”

Maria answered her. Monica turned towards the tv and leaned back, wanting to take in every minute she had. She normally would get about an episode and a half in during her nighttime tv, maybe two if her mom dozed off in between. She was sure she was going to get at least two this time, since Maria looked sleepy. She didn’t account for Carol’s super powers making her have a longer stamina, but she figured she wouldn’t snitch. She looked up at her as they watched and she shot her down a wink in return, solidifying their silent agreement. As long as it was still summertime, Carol didn’t have an issue with it. Of course, she wouldn’t go against Maria, though, unless of course she fell asleep. Which she usually did.

The three sat through an episode, choosing not to count the commercials in their internal timers, and started the second one. A few minutes in, Monica had positioned herself with her head and back on Carol’s lap, with her legs and feet on Maria’s. She watched the show quietly, not noticing herself dozing off. Once the second episode was over, she was fast asleep, nearly drooling on Carol. Both women laughed quietly at the sight. Maria reaches for the remote to turn off the tv while Carol effortlessly lifts Monica up and begins to walk her to her room. As she walks away, Maria fights the idea of Carol lifting her that way and carrying her to bed. She shakes her head and stands up to go to the fridge.

When Carol makes her way back downstairs after carefully tucking the young girl in, she’s greeted with Maria passing her a beer and a bottle opener.

“Not sure if you still need to use these, but c’mon.”

Carol doesn’t need it but she chooses to use it anyway. She follows Maria without question through the front door and onto the porch. The sun is down now and it’s not quite as warm as it was the night before.

“God, I’ve been waiting for this all day.”

Maria says, taking a long swig from the cold bottle. She sits down on the steps and leans back on her elbows, beer still laced between her fingers. She looks like she’s relaxing but Carol wonders if she is. She stands against one of the posts for a moment, opening her beer, before sitting down next to the woman but not too close. She hopes she’s the only one who can feel the tension in the air. It’s different than last time she was home.

“Long day, I take it?”

“Always.”

Maria sighs with a short laugh, taking another sip.

“But that’s the job. I’m sure you get it.”

Maria finishes, not sure if what she said sounded shady or not. It wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t coming from the part of her she was trying to show up as it. It was coming from the part she was burying inside of her.

“I do, but I also don’t. You have a lot to handle all the time. I’m happy I… can help, I guess.”

Carol wasn’t sure if that last part was a question or not. They both almost flinched at the word help. Carol was more than just a friend who liked to help. She was a parent and neither wanted her to take that away from herself just because of how long she had been away. Both decided not to say anything in the moment, though. They both just sipped their beers and looked out in front of them, gazing up and out at the world around them. Somehow, it felt bigger now that they were both on it together.

Maria thought about the box again, trying to keep it from her mind to no avail. She also thought about Carol’s skin grazing against hers in the kitchen earlier. She wondered if their contact would be minimal. Despite the late night and early morning they had shared, they hadn’t really touched or even been this close since. The first night never counted, that was their unspoken rule since the second time Carol had been home.

She was exhausted when she arrived, fighting to stay awake long enough to talk to both Rambeaus’ even though she wanted to so badly. It had been a particularly grueling mission and she had flown directly back to Earth after the conflict was over, not taking a break. So, when Maria offered to watch some TV with her on the couch, she sank quickly into the cushions. Before they knew it, they had woken up to the sun coming through the living room windows, curled into each other. Neither thought it was weird then, so why was it weird now?

Carol thought about the box too, rereading the words from the letter in her mind again. Thinking about the pictures on Maria’s desk. Then she thought about the dream she had, with everyone sitting on the porch. She was so deep into replaying it that she almost jumped when a frog hopped by, startling both women from their respective day dreams.

“I think that’s the one Monica named after you.”

Carol laughed, remembering the day she had fondly.

“I’m flattered.”

Maria laughed back, the laugh jumping up her throat. It’s like she needed to laugh, after a long day of dealing with domestic and intergalactic bullshit, along with the mark Carol was burning into her brain.

It started to go quiet again until Carol spoke up, feeling the bubbles from the beer in her brain even if it wasn’t going to get her tipsy.

“You know, I dream about sitting on this porch a lot.” “Yeah?”

Maria asks, not looking at Carol.

“Yeah. With you and Mon. There’s always a shit ton of bubbles everywhere and it’s always a really nice day. I have that dream a lot. Except for when I’m actually here.”

Carol explained, partly relieved to share it with Maria. She leaned back, taking a sip before setting the beer down on the step next to her. She waited to see if Maria would answer, unsure if she wanted her to.

Maria sat with a small smile, unsure if she would be able to keep herself composed through the moment. She dreams about home.

“You know, when you first came back with your powers, I wondered if you still even needed to sleep.”

“Ha, you know I had the same thought when I realized I wasn’t actually half Kree. On the planet, I slept but I never felt tired. I only started to feel regular human things when I came back here. It was nice to feel sleepy again. It made rest feel satisfying, instead of just kind of necessary.”

Maria looked over at Carol, daring to meet eyes if she looked over too. She wanted to run a hand over the woman's thigh, comfort her for all the things she was sure were running through her mind. She wanted to reach out, pull her into her chest, and hold her there like a child. She wanted to rip all the pain of being conditioned and having to fight to undo it from her, stop it out on the ground and set it on fire for her. With a regular match, not fire from her hands even though sometimes she was convinced she could produce some magic power from her own hands too if she let herself feel enough. She hadn’t realized she had been staring and hadn’t responded until Carol finally turned to look at her.

“I’m okay, you know. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna burst into flames any second. I’m okay, I feel normal being here.”

Carol smiled reassuringly, almost shyly.

“I know, I just hate those bastards.”

Maria sighed, letting her shoulders fall as she looked down at the space between them.

“I feel you. But, you know, someone once told me hate takes up too much room.”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat. Of course Carol would remember one of her wiser parables now, when all she wanted to do was be angry for her. It was usually the other way around, but despite her usual craziness, Carol always had a way of saying the right thing at the right time, even if she didn’t mean to. A superpowered space warrior was right two times a day, it seemed. She let herself laugh, but it came out rougher than she had expected.

Carol reached over instinctively to grab her hand, squeezing it tight. That’s the second time. Maria thought, wondering if Carol was counting the times they touched too. She felt a dangerous warmth push its way to her chest. She would blame it on the beer like she always did but she couldn’t. Why was she on the verge of tears?

“Hey.” Carol whispered, trying to look at the woman’s face. She tried to smile, squeezing her hand again. This time, Maria squeezed back before pulling it away and picking her empty beer bottle up.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower, long day, you know. If you wanna borrow some pajamas again, feel free to grab some from my dresser.”

Carol sat still for a moment, wondering if she had gone too far. Normally conversations like this would flow with ease and mutual fluidity. They would hang on each other’s every word until the inevitable came when the sun rose. Maria would wake Monica up to say goodbye, they’d share a cup or two of coffee and by the time the sun was almost at it’s peak, Carol would be long in the distance, no longer even in the atmosphere. So now, having more time than normal, she hoped she hadn’t over stepped. As Maria closed in on the door, only half a step before entering, Carol turned around to look at her.

“Where do you want me to sleep?”

Maria paused, not sure what to say. How did she communicate that she would rather pull her own hair out strand by strand than lay in her bed alone, without Carol Danvers, for another night? How did she explain that she didn’t want to sleep, she was tired in a way only Carol’s skin and fingers and mouth could heal her of? How did she communicate that this was her house too, and she could sleep wherever the fuck she wanted - on the roof if she pleased - as long as Maria could be next to her, without saying any of that?

“Wherever you feel comfortable.” She turned and smiled as best as she could before letting the screen door close behind her, trying to keep a normal pace as she made her way to the bathroom.

Carol sat on the steps for a few more minutes, giving Maria time to get her things for her shower ready and giving herself time to ponder what she should do. Should she sleep on the couch? Should she tell Maria that there’s no where in the universe more comfortable to her than next to her? Should she pretend she didn’t read the letter and see the pictures and hear what Monica said earlier? Should she just sleep on the god damn couch? Having not made up her mind yet, she wandered upstairs and pulled out an old teeshirt from one of the boxes she had been in earlier. She shivered when she looked at the box with the letter in it. She forced herself to focus, shuffling through to find anything appropriate to wear and pulled out some old PT shorts. They were certainly going to be shorter on her now than they were then, given she had put on some much needed muscle in certain areas but they’d have to do.

She felt too embarrassed to go through Maria’s drawer, wear her clothes and then awkwardly make her way to the couch downstairs, only to have to face her in the morning when breakfast time came. She didn’t feel right marking Maria’s belongings, even if they were just a bunch of holiday themed pajamas that she didn’t wear that often anyways.

Carol decided to change as quickly as she could, and wait to say goodnight to Maria when she came in. She figured she should probably sleep on the couch, suddenly feeling very much like a guest who didn’t want to overstay their welcome. She switched out of her bottoms and underwear, jumping into the shorts she had found. They were snug but not uncomfortable. She took her shirt off quickly and as she began pulling her sports bra over her head, Maria walked in.

Shit.

They both thought in unison. Thankfully, Carol’s back was to the door, so she pulled on the t shirt she found quickly while scolding herself for not paying attention enough to hear Maria coming down the hall.

“S-sorry! I didn’t know you were in here yet. Didn’t see anything.”

Maria assured, despite the fact that she was still staring at Carol’s once bare back while the woman folded up her clothes in a hurry. To Carol’s surprise, when she turned around, all she saw was Maria’s naked shoulders, moisturized perfectly, with a purple towel wrapped around her. She turned back around almost quicker than Maria could register. It was Carol’s turn to stutter.

“Oh shit, s-sorry! I didn’t see anything either! I didn’t hear you coming!”

Maria accidentally laughed.

“Don’t you have super hearing?”

“Shut up! It only works when you pay attention to it! I thought you were still in the shower. I’m surprised you were so fast, Lt. Trouble told me you use all the hot water.”

Carol quipped back confidently, although she was still turned around and suddenly felt very warm.

“Oh, Trouble indeed. What else did she tell you?”

“A bunch.”

Carol responded with a smirk in her voice. She sounded like a middle schooler, again reminding Maria how alike her and Monica were.

“I’m sure. You can turn around now, if you want.”

Carol turned to see Maria smoothing a big white shirt over her belly button, quickly covering up the top of her thighs that were barely covered by the blue boy shorts she was wearing underneath. Carol stared down at the clothes in her hands trying not to seem as anxious as she was. She bent down to pick up the black pair of underwear and a sock she had dropped when she heard Maria chuckle.

“HA! What the hell are you wearing? Are those PT shorts? And does your underwear say Danvers? You still do that?”

She was practically giggling at this point, a sound that sprung butterflies up in Carol’s stomach. It also taunted her, leaving her no choice but to rebuttal.

“Listen man! I’m working with what I got! And no, I don’t still write my name in my underwear. I got these from the box of my old clothes.”

Carol quipped, but found herself almost giggling too. She would’ve found it funny if Maria had on PT shorts from bootcamp too.

“Whew. That is hilarious, Danvers.”

Maria breathes out, barely recovering from her fit of laughter at Carol’s expense.

“Oh yeah, I’m flattered!”

She rolled her eyes playfully at Maria. They both sat down on the bed trying to collect themselves, both feeling lighter than before by a small margin.

After a few moments, Maria broke the impending silence before it could secure itself between them.

“Seems like you an Mon’ had a good day. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much trouble for one day.”

“Nah, it wasn’t too bad at all. She did whoop my ass in pretty much every game you guys own though.”

Carol smiled to herself. Maria fought hard to avoid bringing up the board game and the dice again. She quickly found a new topic to latch onto.

“You know, I must say, you also really did a great job not burning the place down with all that cooking you were doing. Are the aliens teaching you how to handle a kitchen or have you been practicing?”

She laughs, almost forced but she was actually impressed.

“Mmm. Id say it was pure dumb luck, but I’m gonna try to replicate it tomorrow.”

Carol chuckles, not knowing that the mention of tomorrow was sending Maria’s heart into a frenzy. Silence weasled it’s way back between them for a few moments, although Carol didn’t pick up on it as much this time. It wasn’t until Maria broke it again that she realized it was her turn to figure out how to not let it freeze the warm air between them.

“So, there’s a tomorrow?”

Maria asked timidly, not wanting to latch too tightly onto the idea that Carol might be staying for longer than coffee in the morning.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be here tomorrow. I wanna try my hand at making waffles this time.”

Carol tries to cut the returned tension she felt.

“I was thinking about working on my old car in the garage too, if that’s okay with you of course.”

“Yeah, of course. You know you don’t have to ask. This is your house, too. And it’s literally your car.”

Your house, too. Carol reached into the pocket of the pants she had on earlier, pulling out two colorful dice. She rolled them around in her hand for a second.

“Yeah?”

She said, turning to finally face the woman sitting once again a bit too far away from her. The feeling of being a guest in her own home no longer sat in her chest. She allowed her eyes to make their way up Maria’s frame before meeting her eyes. Carol felt her hand move towards the woman, who was now looking down at one of the die in her non moving hand. Maria was almost terrified to meet her gaze, breath caught in her throat. Carol felt their hands connect, dropping the other die in her hand before closing her fingers around Maria’s. The woman next to her squeezed tight, almost too tight even for the superhero.

Maria finally met Carol’s eyes with her own, finally releasing her breath, allowing her chest to move.

“Yeah.”

She said softly, almost too soft to hear but just enough for Carol. They both looked like they might burst into tears, both of them having to break eye contact but refusing to release each other from their grip. Third time, Maria counted in her blurring mind. She suddenly felt like all she could hear was her own heartbeat and Carol’s breath. They were close again, it was all she needed. She needed to feel Carol’s skin, know she was real. Know she wouldn’t let go.

Carol struggling against her own breath, finally let the desperation sitting inside of her take control.

“What’re we doing, ‘Ri?”

She asked, in almost a whisper. She heard Maria’s breath get choked in her throat, just like she had earlier in the kitchen with Monica. She was still worried that she might have pushed too far too fast, but she needed something. Anything Maria could give her. An answer, a rejection, anything. She couldn’t sit still in the stifled confusion much longer, she feared she might actually implode. She waited, listening to Maria’s breathing. In and out, in and out. Like she was trying to quietly catch her breath. She heard her heart beat, it matched her own. Like they could beat out of their chests and find the other heart. Like they needed to be pressed together. So, Carol did just that. Finally listening to what her body was telling her. Hoping it wouldn’t be the wrong thing.

Just as Maria tried to whisper I don’t know, she let go of Maria’s hand and pulled her in, chest to chest, nestling her face in Maria’s shoulder. Maria whimpered, almost in shock. It took her almost 10 seconds to return the embrace, finally crushing into Carol the way she needed to. She knelt her face in the warmth of Carol’s neck, creating a tsunami in Carol from the graze of her lips against the side of her neck alone. They made themselves impossibly close, quieting the sounds of the world and honing in on each other’s heart beats. They took in each other’s scent, filling their lungs with the air surrounding each other. They let their hair tickle each other, finding comfort in the familiar feeling of Blackness around them. They rocked into each other to a rhythm that was so natural it almost felt like part of breathing. Finally, Maria let it drop.

A single tear rolled down Carol’s shoulder, sliding down as far as it could carry itself. Maria choked back what was sure to be her own tsunami.

“Mar-”

“I miss you. -- I miss you I m-iss you I miss you.”

She whispered with a drawn out sob. It was so quiet, it felt tragic to them both.

Carol was silent, letting the woman release whatever she was ready to, feeling her chest heave with the impatience to relieve itself from the pent up emotions. She felt the woman in her arms shake softly, trying to fight back anything she convinced herself was a weakness. She had things to do, a person to be, a child to raise. She couldn’t let the grief get her again. But it was always there, maybe even more now in some ways. She hadn’t let this happen in so long, and the weight of pretending had pushed her to the edge of herself. She was the strongest woman in the world, and it was because she was soft.

Carol struggled against her own tears, trying not to let them come so that she wouldn’t center her own pain in the moment. They were both too similar for their own good. She listened to Maria’s body pull the words up her throat and out her mouth, betraying her as they saved her from the pit she kept forcing herself into.

“I miss you ss-so much.” She repeated several times over. Like it was the only language she spoke. Eventually, she stopped, letting her fingers relax from gripping into Carol’s skin as tight as she could. She leaned into Carol more, feeling the weight of her body’s exhaustion mix with that of her mind. Carol let her, holding her firm but gentle. She lifted the woman up just as effortlessly as she did Monica, and carried her to her side of the bed, never moving her face from her shoulder. She laid her and herself down, sliding easily over top of her until she was on her side, careful not to put any weight on Maria’s body. She pulled the cover over them, that being the only time her hand left Maria’s body. She cradled the soft woman, giving her all of herself. She rocked her gently, counting her heart beats.

As Maria’s breath finally got slower and deeper, she knew she would be asleep soon. Maria didn’t want to sleep but she needed it. Carol needed it to. They stuck to each other like glue, once again paying no mind to the heat stuck between them. Carol whispered back, finally.

“I miss you too.”

She felt Maria squeeze her tighter, then release and finally relax her body all the way.

No more sniffles, no more sounds, just the weightless feeling of being together. It was easy again, for the moment. Carol rubbed her thumb lightly over Maria’s back, comforting them both enough to rest. She let the thoughts she had been fighting release from the walls of her mind, daring to look at them. She thought about the night in the lake, laying in the sand. She thought about the night before she left for a new base, with no idea when they’d be together again. She thought about the first time she came home, the gentle uncertainty between them melting away like it always did - no matter how much still needed to be figured out. She wasn’t sure how much progress had been made, but she knew that this is where she needed to be. As she finally let herself drift off to sleep, knowing that Maria was alright enough now, she knew she wouldn’t dream. She released herself to the peace of belonging, only to be startled one more time.

“Don’t you even think about leaving until you finish that car.”

Maria commanded, even in her softest state. Carol smiled, feeling even more in place now.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

34 notes · View notes

blacksapphhicmaddonna · 1 year

Text

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT

Chapter 1 - Make Breakfast

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

Not at ALL canon compliant, I just want my wives to be happy this time around (yes, Carol is BLACK in this series and if you don’t like that then don’t read it baby. Hope that helps. 💋)

CW: Mentions of separation and emotional pain, angsty but soooo much fluff, parenthood, lost memories, slight mentions of homophobia but nun too serious, dreaming/day dreaming/remembering, LOTS OF GAY YEARNING, implied mommy/daddy issues, soooooo much exposition LMFAO so sorry for the long paragraphs but that's just how I write lol. Less is not more this time, more is more, so lets all just indulge in some lovesick lesbians. 🥹 in my head they have such a lifeee together, I want to explore it! I want them to be fully rounded people, at least more than we usually get to see in the MCU. also, lets enjoy a fucking happy ending for these two for once PLS (fuck marvel, she will never die). They're happy, Black and Queer and that's all that matters okay!!!!

Word Count: 8,004 🫣

LINK TO AO3!

A/N: I pretty much already laid everything out but thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read something I wrote. I hope it can help ease your mind or at least give you a break (who doesn't love some good ol' escapism lmao). Take care of yourself, drink some water pls and stay safe. I hope you enjoy. 💗

(Also pls ignore any formatting issues, I wrote this on my laptop so it looks different on the app😭 sorry y’all!!)

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆.˚̣̇✧.⋆ ✶˖·˳.✦ .˚

The August heat had no challenge sneaking its way through the dimly lit room and in-between the two women, who also had no problem sticking to each other. The closer, the better, they both agreed without having too. It had been nearly silent sans the soft howl of the wind and the sound of breathing coming from the two, for at least 45 minutes now, maybe longer. The brown skinned woman pressed against the superhero's chest stirred softly as the wind kissed her sweet, relaxed face gently, not seeming to wake her. Nows the time, the hero thought to herself as she skillfully snuck from under the woman and placed her gently on her side, tugging her own pillow under her arm to replace her body and pulled the sheet over her nearly bare shoulders. She almost planted a kiss on her forehead but forced herself against it.

She tiptoed, almost comedically, around the edge of the bed and past the open window. She was mindful with every step, intentionally avoiding the floor boards she memorized, knowing they would creak and wake the sleeping woman. She made it nearly to the door before she was startled and exhaled sharply.

"Don't you even think about leaving yet, Danvers."

The still half sleep but always on point Maria shoots at the woman attempting to sneak out the bedroom door, still in the position her spouse lovingly placed her in without even opening her eyes or turning around to face the woman. A move she's pulled on both Carol and Monica many times, to their utter frustration and to her own satisfaction. Her voice is raspy and playful, but holds a level of something that neither are ready to fully acknowledge, yet.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Rambeau. Just have to pee."

Carol winked out as she continued her step forward as she hears Maria accept this answer and shift back to comfort, less careful to avoid the creaking floor boards this time. The hero in her scolds herself for being able to take down entire intergalactic warships without alerting anybody on board before its too late - but yet again, she can't get one over on the sleeping woman. She scoffs and relaxes her shoulders as she walks through the upstairs halls, lightening her steps as she passes Monica's room. She smiles inward, seeing "Lt. Trouble" still scribbled near the bottom on the door in blue crayon. No one had the heart to clean it off, nor felt the need to either.

God, she missed this. She missed her family. She missed her, and how warm and natural it felt to just be Carol Danvers. She also missed not leaving behind a trail of disappointment and anxiety for her family to pick up after her. They did their best but how was anybody supposed to balance life, the military, parenting and being a tween with... well, a literal supernova? Not to mention the things they were purposefully not mentioning.

Carol felt herself losing her grip on the stress she had been pushing down for what felt like years but especially the past few days as her return to earth approached, as she sat in the bathroom, long since having peed and washed up. She sat on the edge of the bear claw tub they had dreamed about having together when Monica was first born. They were both so excited when they had found a house that had one. The perfect home. They had always talked about living together when they were growing up, happy to be able to put their military salaries together and buy a house instead of living in barracks or renting apartments like they did in college. Maria, still just her "friend" at the time (although she wasn't sure what they were now, after everything, she thought), said she always wanted to be able to give her child a 'proper' bath like her mother had given her growing up. Rubber ducks and all. It was one of her only happy memories growing up. Carol herself, felt delighted that any child, but especially one who was lucky enough to be coming from this woman, would be treated so lovingly. She was earnest to make all of Maria and Monica's dreams come true, even before she could shoot fire or whatever from her hands. Carol and Maria shared an unspoken agreement with each other while she was pregnant with Monica, and probably long before that. It won't be like how it was for us. We won't let her grow up not knowing she's loved, not knowing someones there to protect her.

She ran her fingers along the curved porcelain edge, remembering how it felt to take baths as a family, even before they knew that's what they really were. Monica's hair curling tight, smelling like the soft baby shampoo Maria was gently rubbing through her hair. The soft kisses they left on her face. The soapy smiles they shared, scrunched up in their bathing suits trying to fit comfortably even though there really wasn't enough space. Not daring to let it ever be anything more than a smile or a laugh. Until they did. Until everything was covered in soap and love. Carol didn’t remember that part yet.

It had taken the pair a long time to realize exactly what they were doing, which frustrated most people who spent more than two seconds around them. They were both well respected for the most part for being women in the armed forces, and widely well liked for their similar and yet somehow opposite personalities. Both so bold and daring. Their differences balanced them out, making them the perfect team - perfect for each other, most people agreed. Despite the times, somehow they both seemed to evade the homophobia of both the armed forces and their peers. Even most of the neighborhood was waiting on them to just say it, do it, be what they already were. Yet, both of them being too stubborn for their own good and equally oblivious, persisted - mainly to themselves - that they were just good friends, copilots and roommates. After Monica was born, they were all of that and coparents but in a 'best friend' way, whatever that meant. They never humored the conversations, they didn't even stick around to hear them - which was quite the feat, being that the entire town was having the conversation for them. They couldn't, though, could they? If they listened too long, if they looked too closely at the thought, daring to touch the idea even slightly, even just to make a joke out of it - they both knew they would crumble. Because it wasn't a joke, it wasn't something they could continue to ignore then. It would end up being only one of two things, in their shared minds:

It could have been nothing. Maybe one felt these things and the other just, didn't. Maybe one of them really was a deplorable, hellbent sinner as they had both been taught but never agreed with, and maybe the other one was just a good, innocent woman, unaware to her friends inner workings. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But finding out, for a long time, felt too much of a risk. The rejection would burn them too much. Neither wanted to risk losing what they did have, the home in each other they both desperately needed. They had been best friends since they were 6, Carol being just a few weeks older but never letting the other forget it - though no one ever believed her. April and May. Just a few sunrises and sun sets separated the days they were born. They were instantly joined at the hip as much as they could be. Maria always carried herself in a more grounded way, but always loved Carols way of always being a million feet off the ground. They both were secretly jealous of the years other people had with them as girls, that they didn't get to have together. 6 years of being on earth and not knowing of the other felt like an injustice, especially now after everything that had happened - another 6 years that kept them apart. Their time together on this planet was so, so precious to both of them. They both always wanted more. Which was why neither was willing to risk what they had already made together. Truth is, they had loved each other since the moment they met. It changed, over time, in different ways. But it was always there, waiting to be what was always meant to be. That's what scared them. So they didn't look too closely, and they played pretend for years. Growing from girls who looked at each other too long, to teens who held hands when they walked, to women who fought for each other tooth and nail at every instance, to who they were before the accident and who they were now. They had a life and they wanted to keep it safe. It was their most precious thing, aside from Monica, who made it all the more important.

But, neither could really ever commit to that way of living either. Neither wanted to face the possible rejection but neither wanted to give up on the prospect of possibility number two, either; The 'maybe' that said "I can't imagine a life where loving you is the wrong thing. A life where you are not for me and I am not for you, wholly, in every conceivable way. I can't imagine a life without you, at all". The one where they kissed and breathed into eachother and finally touched - not for too long but not for long enough no matter how much time it was, and it worked and the heavens opened up and the stars all shined brighter and space and time and everything else stopped mattering - nearly stopped existing if not to give them a world to live in together, and it was just them. It was always just them. It was always just her, they would both think. They would both know.

Needless to say, once they finally caught on (or were forced into each other, perhaps), no one batted an eye or said a word to the contrary. Finally, they all agreed, things were as they should be. It was a good few years, everything was right. But then the accident happened and everything changed, all over again.

Carol laughed to herself, reminiscing back as far as her sleep deprived mind would take her. Thinking about all the times she had made herself stupid or awkward around Maria, despite how comfortable they both were with each other - forgetting that the woman already knew how she felt. Forgetting that she was the one who had forgot what they were to each other. How she fumbled around trying to be Monica's parent, without ever being asked to - without ever being asked not to, she affirmed to herself every chance she could. Monica was her daughter to the same degree that she was Maria's, the woman always reminded her.

"Just because you didn't pop her out doesn't mean she isn't yours. Look at her, she's just like you! I will not take responsibility for all of it!" Maria would say, laughing that sweet laugh whenever Monica would act up or do something so Carol-like. An earnest laugh, hoping Carol would not just hear her but know she was telling the truth.

Carol sighed, standing up and looking in the mirror. She was tired, in ways that sleep wouldn't fix, but she did feel sleepy. She ran cool water over the backs of her hands, trying to give herself reprieve from the heat in the air. She dried her hands on towels with all of their colorful names messily embroidered into them (one of Maria's hobbies while she was pregnant) and rubbed over them with her thumb. She was grateful to have so much to remember, she thought. It must have been a rich life, so full of love. She could tell, even before the memories had started coming back. The love was built into the home, every inch held a part of her that she just had to look at, pick up, feel. They had never let her go. She smiled and felt a pang of longing run through her as she let the towel go. She walked back down the hall and made her way to her bed. Made her way home.

"Took you long enough. C'mere."

Maria said, not asking but telling, sleepiness filling every word. She grabbed at Carol's collar and tugged, not entirely gently but not rough either. Carol laughed as she laid down, facing her best friend and scooting under the light sheet with her back to the breeze as it wrippled against the teeshirt she found in the things Maria had pulled out the closet for her. She used to keep Carol's things in the dresser with hers, like they used to be, but it felt too painful after a while. Now she just wasn't ever sure how long the woman would be staying and made the excuse to herself that she needed the space for her own things, when really she just didn't want to have another physical reminder of the woman's absence as the days passed and piled into months. They hadn't slept in the same bed in so long, but even through the obvious ignoring they were both doing about where their relationship stood, they both felt comfortable enough (or maybe desperate enough) to cuddle. They had always slept together, even as kids, whenever they could. It had helped them both get through a lot of tough things as girls, and they kept close to each other all throughout the years they spent growing up. Their sleep overs were sacred to them, they would build forts and pretend they were living in far away places - away from what life was like for them where they were, grateful to have each other. Their second semester in college they finally beat down the housing office to just let them share a room, figuring it made sense since they both slept in each others room nearly every night anyways. They had pushed their beds together the whole rest of their time in school, only moving them apart for the one big argument they had. How silly, they both thought at the same time, not knowing they were both reminiscing in the same direction.

"I thought you were asleep."

Carol prodded, kicking her socks off.

"You always think I'm asleep before you try to sneak out."

Maria teased, eyes still closed but her hand finding it's way to Carols forearm, trying not to squeeze.

"I mean, you were snoring. Were you not asleep?"

"Hey! I don't snore. And yes, but that's besides the point. You just suck at sneaking out, you always did."

Maria nudges Carol playfully, knowing she would get a response.

"Alright now, you try sneaking out of a preachers house in the middle of the night. That second story jump was no joke on my prepubescent knees! I didn't even have my powers! And you do in fact snore, hate to break it to ya'."

Carol returns the nudge, mindful to be 'human gentle' not 'super human gentle' as both Maria and her daughter would say. This created a small space between them that both were ready to fill. Maria did first, per usual, eyes opening to smirk.

"Whatever you say, Danvers. What's your excuse now? Aren't you supposed to be like... light on your feet?"

She laughed, pulling herself into the woman in front of her without a beat. She didn't need any extra breathing room. The multiple galaxies she was used to having between them had been much more than enough for her. She decided to let any awkwardness that was between them from earlier in the night when dinner was over and Monica went to bed sit on the sidelines for now, they could deal with it tomorrow. She knew she should've brought it up, but she settled for hearing about Carol's adventures and missions instead. She listened for as long as she could stay awake, trying to balance her awe with her jealousy quietly. Right now, she was sleepy and needed the comfort only Carol could provide.

"Very funny. How do you even do that? One second you're asleep, the next second you're catching me in the act. Are you hiding some super powers I should know about?"

Carol laughed, wanting to talk more, selfishly. They were both tired and Maria had work tomorrow that she couldn't get out of, but they were both tired of not being with each other even more.

"I don't need super powers. I'm a mother, sweetheart."

Maria said matter-of-factly, rubbing her hand over Carol's then turning over and scooting her back against the woman, making herself the little spoon. Once again leaving no space. It was almost too familiar for both of them. Carol had to fight the urge to touch her in places, in ways, that friends wouldn't. She settled her hand on the woman's side respectfully, not knowing Maria was yearning for more than that, even if it was just a little more.

"How come I didn't get those mama powers then? Is it biological?"

Carol jokes, pulling Maria impossibly closer without thinking, resting her chin on the woman's shoulder. She wasn't sure about it while being completely sure at the same time. Maria didn't bat an eye, thankful for the contact. "This is normal, I can be normal. She's just Carol. Just the same, just also not. Keep it light, Rambeau." She reminded herself with an exhale before she spoke.

"Dont’cha think you have enough powers? Plus, you're basically a child anyways. You and Mon' are more alike than anyone could've imagined."

The brown skinned woman answered, rubbing her thumb over Carol's hand in a circle mindlessly. Trying to fight the sleep weighing her eyes down just as much as she fought the urge to turn over, pull the woman in and kiss her so deeply. She felt Carol's breath on her skin and reveled in it. God, I missed this, she thought.

"Ha, I'll let that one slide for tonight. I guess I'll just have to work on my sneaking skills."

She resigned happily, knowing the woman was right (although she would be hearing about it tomorrow), but also knowing Maria was more of a superhero than anyone she had ever met, including literal superheroes. She let out a breath and shuffled to get comfortable, leaving a soft whisper of a kiss on Maria's shoulder, no more than the idea of it as her lips grazed her skin every so slightly and pulling her in close again, chest to impossibly soft back.

"Good luck, Captain Marvel. I can always feel you coming and I can always feel you leaving."

Maria said, half awake. They both knew she was only half joking, for the sake of the night. It stung them both in a deep, hidden away part of their hearts. They were both so much more than tired.

"I missed you, Rambeau."

Carol whispered, almost too low, not sure if she wanted the woman to hear her or not. She was almost sure she hadn't.

"More than you even know, Danvers."

Maria replied just as quietly, finally letting sleep take hold of her body. She hoped she would dream something sweet, sweet enough to hold her over until she could wake up and finally be next to the woman she loved. A morning she prayed for every day, even if it might not ever be the way it was. Even if they were never lovers or girlfriends or partners or whatever they were again, this could be enough for her, she thought. She missed her friend just as much as she missed the woman she wanted to marry, so it would have to be enough. She hoped, knowing she had to make herself believe it.

Carol fought her sleep, trying to take in every moment, counting every breath they took in unison, trying to memorize the faint constellations of freckles on Maria's skin. She missed the way she smelled, the way she felt, the way she looked at any angle. The weight of her body against her own. She wasn't sure what she was going to say or do tomorrow, feeling the same weight she had felt all those years of not knowing. She wasn't sure what she knew and what she didn't anymore, but she knew she didn't want to lose what she had just gotten back, even if it meant playing pretend again. She would do it every day for the rest of her life, if it meant she could be with Maria and Monica in any way. She sighed to herself, having to let it just be what it is in the moment. She didn't want to miss even a second more than she already had. But even super humans need to sleep, so she drifted off slowly, giving up the fight eventually knowing she would wake up and still be there. She was finally home. Finally.

˚　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　　˚　　　　 . 　　. ˚　　　　*　　　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　✦.

The sun beating through the window was unforgiving to both women's desire to sleep in and pretend the world wasn't waiting for them. Much like the two of them, greeting the day felt opposite for once. Maria would drag herself through her day of dealing with white men in suits and making more decisions than any one person should really be making (but she was the best one to do it, whether the men agreed or not - although, the smart ones did), longing as usual to make it home. At least today she would have the excitement of making it home on a Friday evening after a longer than ever week, to not only her daughter who was on summer break for a few more weeks, but to her person. Carol, on the other hand, would take on the somewhat daunting responsibility of taking care of a small human tween (which should be easier than a non human child, right?) who just happened to be her daughter, and any other domestic duties about the house and the land. She was grateful for this level of domesticity, eager to wash dishes, do laundry, mow some grass and make her best attempt at cooking for her and Monica. Although, a part of her did feel intimidated. Sure, she could do pretty much anything but she hadn't just been a stay at home mom in a long time. A lot of the time she did spend doing it, pre-powers, she was still fighting to remember. She was happy as the memories made their way back to her, triggered by smells and sounds, old pictures and falling back into routines like muscle memory. She had most of it back, it had been a few years since everything happened. But she was excited when something new (or really, just old) popped back into her mind. She always wrote them down, secretly, making sure she would never lose such precious moments again. As the light made its way across her face, she didn’t want to give into the brightness she felt disrupting her sleep. She wanted just a little more.

She dreamt of Monica running through a wide field, sun shining and bubbles blowing into the air. She was younger, in the dream, than she was now. Carol felt bittersweet at the time she had missed but grateful that her daughter was growing, existing in such an unapologetic way. As Monica ran through the field, Carol watched her, aviators blocking the bright sun as she sat on the steps of their home, arms behind her as she thought of all the ways life was perfect in this moment. Maria walked out the screen door with drinks in her hand. A way too sweet lemonade for Monica and Carol, a lemon iced tea for herself. She bent down and kissed Carol on the top of her head, sitting next to her and handing her a drink. Carol sipped it, tasting a familiar sweetness as she pulled her sunglasses over her head, resting them in her soon to be tangled hair. Maria could make even the simplest things taste so good, she thought to herself, never having to say a word. They laughed as Maria called Monica over, before sipping her own drink. They looked up at each other with such knowing eyes, longing for connection. In this dream, there was no confusion, there was no awkwardness or uncertainty of certain boundaries. They leaned in to each other, ready to kiss as they both had a million times before, just as Monica skipped over and said "ewwww" and giggled in the way only she could. She sat between them and they all looked up at the setting sun, normal and happy and sure of all of it. Monica leaned her head on Carol's knee and sang whatever song she had learned in school that day. The mother's both filled with joy, bubbling up over top of them and pouring out of them. They were happy. They leaned in and kissed, finally, and it was as if nothing could ever be wrong.

As the sun broke through the drafty curtains and the shadows moved across the room letting the light sprawl across the women, Maria began to stir. She always woke up before her alarm clock, always against her will. She had been like that forever. This morning though, she didn't roll over to turn it off before it went off. She was just becoming aware of how softly entangled she was with Carols body, gratefully taking in the way the woman's skin meshed with her own. Through sleepy eyes she almost couldn't tell where hers ended and Carol's began. It was nice. Nicer than nice. It was right again. As it should be, she thought. She smoothed her hand over Carol's shoulder, realizing they had found their way to facing each other through the night. They were both sort of sweaty from the heat but unrelenting in holding each other, making sure most parts of them were touching no matter what. She looked over the woman, eyes running over the contours of her face and down her body, landing on her hips and running back up again to her bed head. No matter how many times Maria bought her a scarf or bonnet, she wouldn't wear it. She always said she couldn't sleep if she felt restricted, even though she would complain about having to detangle her curls every day. But she knew there was no way she was doing all that in space before and after every mission, she thought with an internal laugh. She was sure she just wanted easier access for Maria's fingers to find their way in and rub her head every night when she was home, just like it was before she was a space cadet. Besides, they slept like they were tied in a knot together - neither ever felt restricted then. She made a mental note to braid her hair back later, so at least she could avoid the tangles - even though she knew she would have to do it over and over again as it grew frizzy in the southern humidity. She tried to remember what she had dreamed about as she continued looking at the woman. She always dreamt about the two of them, sometimes it was good and sweet like them sitting on the front steps together watching Monica play, sometimes it was scary and dark, like the day she lost her all over again. No matter what it was, she always dreamed vividly when Carol was away - like she was living the moments herself. It had both helped and hindered her grieving, so lucidly living two lives: one where Carol was hers always, and one where she was still hers but wasn't there. Wasn't anywhere, she was afraid of for so long. She would wake up sweating with tears down her face every time, sometimes happy tears and sometimes not, but they always puddled in her when she regained consciousness, breaking the dam she built every day to contain herself. But whenever Carol did return to their house, it was like nothing could be sweeter or more real - sometimes even more daunting - than having her home, so she never dreamed when she slept in the same house as the woman, even when she tried. She was slightly startled out of her thoughts when Carol spoke up in her slightly raspy but almost innocent sleepy voice that Maria loved so much.

"Take a picture, it'll last ya' longer, ma'am."

She smirked at Maria with only one eye half way open, vision still blurry. Maria smiled big, white teeth on full display before she rebutted.

"That's my line. You always tryna be like me."

She said, pretending to flip her hair over her shoulder even though it was wrapped in her signature lilac satin scarf. It was her favorite color, even though no one ever expected it to be. No one ever expected her to be as soft as she was, for a lot of reasons, but mainly because she would never let them. No one but Carol, and even sometimes her too. The color reminded her of her mother, and she held onto it with both hands.

Both women smiled while Carol rubbed her eyes with one hand, holding Maria's with the other to the woman's surprise.

"Who wouldn't wanna be just like thee one and only Maria Rambeau."

Carol replied sincerely, planting a kiss on her hand. Maria felt a warm blush run over her face, a feeling no one else could produce in her. They locked eyes for a moment before Maria broke it.

She remembered that she had to go to work and her alarm would go off any second. She remembered that Carol would have to leave again, probably soon although they hadn't talked about it yet. She had only gotten home last night, just in time for dinner, with flowers in her hand that she had probably picked from some unsuspecting person's garden and a big smile. She also remembered the elephant in the room. They hadn't talked about their relationship, neither wanting to waste a moment together or risk Monica hearing them. They hadn't kissed or been intimate either, in far too long for both of them although they would never let on, unsure of where they stood though they both longed for each other in ways they couldn't even find enough words to describe if they tried. They had been too occupied on whatever was going on in front of them every time they had the chance to see each other since Carol came back. They had both been nervous to approach the subject, and had thus settled for somewhat awkward but 100% needy hugs and cheek kisses so far. Maria had all but tackled the woman when she first came home, after she was sure it was okay for her to embrace her. Even the last few times Carol was home, it had only been for a day or maybe two here and there every few months and after a while it had been almost a year. Carol made it home this time just 6 days shy of 12 months away. She had sent Monica and Maria flowers on their birthdays (quite strange to call some obscure flower shop in Louisiana from a communication device that could call almost anybody in the universe). All three had been surprised she even remembered their birthdays, let alone her own. They had lit a candle and blown it out together for Carol on her birthday, both sadly eating a cupcake and watching sit coms together that night. Maria had let Monica stay up later than normal out of sympathy for the young girl and maybe more so out of not wanting to be alone on a day they usually spent together for the past few decades. The flowers had notes promising to celebrate their birthdays when she made it back across the universe, addressed to 'Lt. Trouble' and 'The only Taurus I'll ever like, Captain Rambeau' which got a somber but real laugh out of both of them. But before all that, it was 6 years in-between when Carol went missing (or "died" as the Air Force liked to refer to it). Carol took a few weeks to even question if they were ever 'more than friends', so Maria played her part as the woman's best friend as she had for many years before. Carol was only brave enough to ask once, after they had hugged and already said their 'see ya laters'. Something in the way they embraced made her look at the woman and remember. She remembered more then than she had ever been able to. She placed a nervous hand on Maria's face and touched their foreheads together, desperate to understand, letting a tear roll down her cheek. She had started to ask but it got stuck in her throat, so Maria had wiped her cheek and gave her that all knowing smile. "Shh. Don't. We'll figure it out later. Go save the world, or the Universe. I'll be here when you get back, baby." She had whispered it so Monica wouldn't register it but she probably had. As they parted, Carol turned away and lifted off, knowing she had to rip herself away that very instance or she may never take flight again. Only turning back once she was far in the air, but not too far to look down and see Monica and Maria still standing there, holding each other while Monica pointed up at the sky. All Carol could manage was a final wave before she left the atmosphere faster than she could think.

Baby sat in Carol's mind for months after the fact, replaying it every free second she had. It played in Maria's too. She wasn't sure if she should've said it but she needed to say something or she thought she might drown in the thick Louisiana air. She missed her partner more than she had been really been able to endure, but at least she had her friend back, she reminded herself, so she did. She pushed forward, every day, knowing at least her Carol was out there somewhere and she'd have another chance. At least Monica had two parents again, kind of. Now, even though they hadn't talked about it, they had eased back into a different type of relationship, it just still wasn't exactly the same. It was and wasn't enough for the both of them. But it was also hard to purposefully face more difficult things when there was years worth of catching up to do, a shared daughter to raise, and entire galaxies between them more often than not. Most times Carol was home, all their time went to just being a family for as long as they could from sun up to the inevitable sun down.

Remembering all of this sent a small shiver up her spine and she refocused. She playfully pushed the woman's shoulder trying to break the tension she was sure they both felt and sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed right before her alarm went off. She felt flustered and borderline frustrated that Carol could be so goddamn charming even when she wasn't trying to be. Even with bed head and only partly aware of who she even was. She turned the alarm off after one beep and sighed, leaning her head back and yawning.

Carol missed her body being next to hers, aching at the abrupt disconnection between their skin. She watched as Maria pulled on an old oversized Air Force teeshirt over her bra and stood up, putting on her her pajama shorts with Santa on them that they had all pulled out last night with Monica, and started stretching. She knew why Maria pulled away, equally aware that there was much between them that needed tending too. She too, didn't want to keep living like they weren't even just a little bit more than friends, like they used to - only this time they both knew it wasn't true. Carol did remember somethings, she remembered - no, she knew what it felt like to be in love, to kiss, to be more than this. Only know, neither knew if that's what the other wanted back anymore, if the feelings remained. Carol was truthfully not even sure she was remembering correctly but she so badly hoped she was. So much time had passed, maybe things had changed in more ways than what was visible. It was almost worse, that way, wasn't it?

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆✰⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

While Maria was in the shower and getting ready, Carol made her way downstairs. Monica was still asleep but she would be up soon, always getting up just a bit after Maria did even when she was on break from school. She always said she didn't want to miss any 'explorin'' time, which could mean a plethora of things knowing Monica.

Carol walked down the stairs and looked out the front door, rubbing her eyes to adjust to the light. The sun was just fully making its way to the sky, creating moving shadows across the living room through the windows. It was beautiful. The house was so still, but so full of comfort. She walked over the the front door and looked out, opening the first door and then peaking her toes out the screen door. The days heat wasn't yet fully upon them, and she could smell the dewy grass all around them. Out of all the expansive space and all the planets she had seen, there was nothing like a deep southern morning to make you remember how beautiful things can be, she thought.

She questioned with herself whether she should check the mail, not sure if it was appropriate for her to do so. She knew there wouldn't be anything for her, as most of the people on the planet that even knew she existed either thought she was dead or forgot about her entirely. For a moment, she felt a wave of grief roll through her. She wanted normal again for the first time in a long time. She would even settle for the not really normal 'normal' that the Air Force provided. She would settle for a piece of mail, waiting for her to open, sitting in the mailbox she shared with her companion and child. Even if it was just jury duty or some scam trying to get her to get a credit card. She wanted it all back so bad, sometimes it made her forget why she ever left the planet in the first place. How much more justice did she have to bring to the universe before she could just be a human again? She reveled in what mundane life could be like, how exciting the not exciting routine of working a regular job, taking a kid to school and watching tv could be. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. It was too early in the day to have an existential crisis.

Thankfully, she turned around when she heard smaller feet pitter pattering against the hardwood floors upstairs and making their way down each stair not so gracefully. She smiled and nearly teleported over to the stairs to catch Monica before she jumped, as they always did. She lifted the girl, zooming her around the living room like she was flying. The once still room was now filled with matching giggles from both of them, just affirming Maria's comment about the two of them being almost too much alike to not actually be related.

"Good morning, Lt. Trouble! What's on the agenda today?"

Carol asked as she made her way into the kitchen and sat Monica on the edge of the counter top with a sound effect.

"Reporting for duty, Captain! Today's agenda includes catching more frogs and naming them, finishing my blueprints for my next invention, and climbing the big tree!"

Monica exclaimed, somehow still giggling. She kicked her feet back and forth as she sat, looking up at the woman before her with eyes bigger than they'd ever been. She was purely happy to have her mother home, and had no intention of leaving her side - which meant Carol would just have to catch the frogs and climb the tree, all while offering supportive feedback on the next Rambeau invention. Carol smiled at this, knowing all too well she had a busy day ahead of her. She always struggled to say no to both of the Rambeaus' in her life.

"Is breakfast on the agenda, too?"

Maria asked with a laugh, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter top next to Monica.

"Uhhh, sure but only if youuu cook it mama."

Monica says, trying not to hurt Carol's feelings but being authentic.

"Ouch! Is my cooking really that bad?"

Carol half laughs, half interrogates the pair in front of her. They both look at each other and somehow wince and smile at the same time. Maria points to the scorch marks above the stove left in wake of Carol's last attempt to cook dinner. It was Spaghetti, mind you. Carol laughs defeatedly.

"Hey! You can't prove it was me! Plus it came out good!"

"Yeah, after I remade it!"

Maria laughs out loud.

"Oh hush. It'll be good! I'll make my famous pancakes for you, and you'll both love them! Isn't that right Lt. Trouble?"

Monica looks at Maria, who just shrugs with a smile that says "good luck kid", before she answers.

"Give it your best shot, Captain."

She says with a smile. Carol accepts it, knowing they're right. As she laughs, she turns to the cupboards and looks around for pancake mix. Monica whispers to her other mother who is staring lovingly at Carol's back, watching her shirt lift up in the back as she reaches up to find what she's looking for.

"If I eat mama's breakfast, can I watch extra tv tonight?"

Maria fights back a laugh before nodding silently.

"I have super hearing too, remember?"

Carol says without turning around, still shuffling through the cabinet. Maria and Monica chuckle as Maria tussles Monica's hair and walks over to the other side of the kitchen.

"Wrong cabinet, Captain."

Maria teases as she turns on her coffee machine that she prepped the night before. Carol smiles and Monica grabs a new box of cereal from the cupboard above her and jumps down to sit at the table and starts solving the puzzles on the back.

Everything is good, its calm and lighthearted. Carol starts measuring ingredients (a few too many for boxed pancake mix) and starts whipping them together. Monica is sure that Carol added too many eggs, which she didn't really need to use but insists that it makes them fluffier, and continues with her puzzles. Maria looks through paperwork while she waits for her coffee. Once it's done brewing, she walks over to the cupboard that's right next to Carol and reaches up to grab her favorite mug. Carol's eyes meet the woman's chest as she reaches up and she almost doesn't look away. When she does, she hopes Maria hadn't caught her looking. She did, of course. She never misses a beat, but she chooses not to address it for how it might undo her whole morning routine. She daydreams about the woman pulling her in by her waist while she's reaching up, picking her up and kissing her. Rolling against the counter. She misses how they used to start their mornings, before Monica was awake. Passionate but slow, never rushing through movements even though they both risked being late. Maria shakes her head as she catches Carol's eyes on her way back down, daring to peak back at her again in an attempt to mask the first time. They both offer up soft and innocent smiles before carrying on. Carol whips the batter a little harder, almost too hard, feeling the whisk crack in her hand. At the same time, Maria spills a bit of coffee on her hand as she walks away, fighting to steady herself against her own thoughts. Monica watches them, laughing to herself as they both try to clean up their little messes.

"Allllrighty, first ones in."

Carol excites as she pours batter into a way too hot pan, hearing it sizzle. Everyone knows its going to burn, but Carol will make the excuse that its the first pancake and they all do that. Maria give a reassuring "mhm" over her mug as she chuckles, trying to support the woman. Monica will point out that Maria's never burn, and they'll all laugh while Carol ignores it, fidgeting away with the spatula.

When she pours the second one, she makes a cute M shape. It's messy but you can clearly make out what its meant to be, for the most part, and that's enough of a triumph for her. While it cooks, she pulls out a baby blue plate and the syrup from the cabinet she was in before and sets them on the table for Monica.

"Voila! Special delivery for Lt. Trouble!"

She slides the misshaped, almost burned but not quite pancake onto the plate with a big cheesy smile. A smile Maria takes in fully while she can, while Carol's focus is on Monica. Monica claps and digs in, opting to rip it up with her hands and dip it into the syrup rather than use a fork. Carol slides her a napkin.

"Wow! It actually tastes like food!"

Monica congratulates Carol, not meaning it to be a backhanded compliment like how it sounds, and lands a genuine a high-five on the woman's bigger hand.

"You know what? I'll take what I can get!"

Carol laughs.

"Can I whip you up a magical pancake, Captain Rambeau?"

Maria smiles, finishing her coffee and checking her watch. She was almost running late, which almost never happens. She was almost thankful to avoid another one of Carol's creations, but she would eat the pancake too if it meant she had more time with her girls.

"I'll have to take a raincheck. I gotta head out. Seems like the world always needs saving."

She smiled apologetically, walking over to place her empty cup in the sink. She leans down and plants a kiss on Monica's forehead, pulling her hair back from her face. She looks up to see Carol already looking at her, unsure of how they should part ways. Would a hug be too much? The kiss they both wanted danced between them, but they wouldn't dare. Monica watched them over her plate, interested to see how they would handle this too. She remembers more than Carol does, and more than Maria knows.

In an attempt to quell the impending awkwardness, Maria reaches out and pats Carols shoulder softly, before deciding that that's too friend zone-y. She slides her hand down the woman's arm to her hand and squeezes it twice, tighter the second time. She smiles and it means "It's good to have you home". Carol smiles back, and it means "I'm happy to be here, too". Maria walks towards the door and pulls on her jacket and puts her sunglasses on, aviators just like Carol's old ones in the box of belongings they kept. It makes Carol smile to herself, thinking about her dream.

"Not too much trouble today, okay Mon'?" Maria says, without fully turning around to acknowledge the two. She doesn't want to leave but someone's got to lead SWORD and she might actually need the time away to think.

"I can handle it, don't worry Captain."

Carol whistles out, smiling at Monica as she finishes her pancake rolling her eyes. The door closes behind Maria and she feels the sun on her face and lets out a happy sigh.

"I know."

She says, mostly to herself, but she remembers that super hearing too.

☄⋆｡°✩ *️ ⚛ *️ ✩°｡⋆☄

PART 2!

hi my loves. I wrote this whole thing, and realized it was incredibly long so I'm breaking it into two parts. you won't have to wait too long, I'll post it tomorrow! I sincerely hope you enjoyed this and I hope you read the next part when it's posted. please lmk what you think! I appreciate any and all feedback so pls pls pls lmk what you think!

I'll also be posting this to ao3 later today as well, and will add the second chapter on there as well. Also lmk if anybody wants to be tagged in part 2?? Idk lol. thank you for reading!!! 💕

30 notes · View notes