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tehuti88-art · 2 years

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8/12/22: r/SketchDaily theme, "Mushrooms/Free Draw Friday." (I did Free Draw Friday.)

This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Corporal Anna Julian, with four drawings: Hair down sans garrison cap (first drawing), hair up sans garrison cap (second drawing), hair down with garrison cap (third drawing), hair up with garrison cap (last drawing). She's one of the original "Trench Rats" (American Allies) in the story and gets involved with their original sergeant, Camo. In the earlier version of the story she had a tragic plot; now her plot's tragic as well as quite dark, as she has a particularly nasty secret. There'll be more about her later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

I haven't much to say regarding her design but that at the last minute I decided on a hair-up look to complement the hair-down look.

TUMBLR EDIT: Anna Julian is an OLLLLLD character whose history has changed drastically, most of that change being recent (and lots of fog still remaining--she's not being entirely forthcoming just yet). Her original history makes me very uncomfortable to share, but of course I have to, so here I go.

My Trench Rats series has gone through several major iterations since its creation some time in childhood. It was based on a misunderstanding (albeit an intentional one, I guess) I had of a project my mother, then a seamstress, was working on. She was making what I remember as satin capes and caps with Mickey Mouse-style ears, in various colors such as black, gold, red, purple, etc. I asked her what these were and she mentioned something called the "Trench Rats." This was in the Eighties--no Internet, and we had just a set of hopelessly outdated encyclopedias at the time. Somehow, maybe by asking my dad, I learned that "trench rats" was a term for soldiers in WWI. Here's where the "intentional misunderstanding" comes in. I believe I was always aware that trench rats were a WWI thing. But for some reason I can't recall, I decided that MY Trench Rats--literal anthropomorphic rats--would be in WWII. So to anyone who might see my WWII Trench Rats and get peeved by that "mistake," rest assured it was intentional. (The reason for this has since been retconned into the plot, see below for a brief explanation.)

I've since Googled this. Why would my mother be making capes and hats for "Trench Rats"? She often did sewing jobs for individuals and in this case an organization. Turns out there's some sort of fraternal-type organization devoted to the original WWI vets though obviously it's shifted its purpose by now. There are no capes to be seen...but there ARE colored hats. In this case, fezzes. Like Shriners (another group I incorporated into earlier writing of mine). The colors have to do with different ranks and they have things like white and purple, though there are also colors just associated with ranks and tassels and not fezzes, for example I think there's a "Golden Rodent." I specifically remember MOUSE-EAR CAPS in colors like red, black, and gold (incidentally, the colors of the modern German flag), but I'm willing to bet my childhood brain misremembered it all. I couldn't find out much more about these Trench Rats (their site is very basic), but I decided to not look further anyway because I might find a political angle or something that will completely ruin my childhood memory right when I'm FINALLY giving it the attention it deserves. So, that's the only connection my story has to the "real" Trench Rats as they exist today. Mickey Mouse ears were too goofy (no pun intended) even for me, so not long after these were changed into what I misassumed was the typical German headgear, that funky spiked helmet which it turns out is called the Pickelhaube (hahaha, yep, no lie.) Which it turns out was WWI wear, not WWII! So this choice here actually WAS a mistake. I also misassumed the Pickelhaube was merely the ACTUAL WWII German helmet (the Stahlhelm) just with a spike on top; you can see this remaining to this day in my art. Same as above, I retconned an explanation for these outdated helmets--these "Trench Rats" are mimicking German soldiers of the Great War in an attempt to psych out the superstitious Nazis (shortly after, they drop the pretense but keep the uniforms). The solid colors I'd seen on the outfits my mother was sewing turned into color-coded outfits my Rats wore and were named after--Black, Gold, Burgundy, etc. Kind of a clunky retcon but there you go, I tried.

One of the first iterations of the Rats, if not THE first, simply involved a friend and myself pretending to be them on the elementary school playground at recess. I specifically remember old tires that had been half-buried in the ground (we'd run over these), and a bunch that had been stacked atop each other; we'd crawl inside and pretend to be imprisoned. At this point, the Rats were constantly antagonized by the bad guy, who was named Inspector Dobermann. (Initially named after the dog breed, I later gave him the name Louis, from the guy who actually bred the doberman pinscher into existence. Aside from that, he's really not based on the guy, even though an early version of him was meant to be a tax collector, which has since been dropped.) I guess this was when I settled on the story consisting mainly of good guy rodents and bad guy canines. And of course, the bad guys were Nazis. We goosestepped whenever we played them because in our fifth- or sixth-grade minds, that was what Nazis did. At this point Dobermann was a silly character subordinate to Woofwoof Hitler...sigh, I kid you not...who also was silly. There was no mention of camps or the Holocaust and I'd never heard of the SS, this was just idiotic ignorant gradeschool "fun." (For what it's worth, Dobey was constantly being bested.)

(You'll notice that in these early iterations, Sgt. Camo and Cpl. Drake, the original Trench Rats leaders, didn't exist yet. Same for Didrika, Boris, Ratdog, Klemper, Senta, Helmstadt, Holt, Reseda, Wolfstein, Gerhardt, I could go on for quite a while. Indigo, Papillon, and Addy Dobermann came along not long after, though the latter two were named LaFierre and Bambush Dobermann (DON'T ASK!--I have no idea!), and "Bambush" was much more independent and outspoken and annoying. Silver was there, but not too important yet. Dr. Kammler I believe may have existed in a very rudimentary, unnamed version who later got the appellation "Dr. C." D-Day, Burgundy, and Turquoise were already important characters, though. Meanwhile, formerly important characters Red, Purple, Green, and Blue started falling by the wayside, although I've since made Blue, along with Silver, Turquoise, Indigo, Copper, and a few others, one of the very original group of soldiers who were subsumed into the Trench Rats. And a very few characters, such as "Mam Rat" (oh God I won't get into it), were completely scrapped.)

Going into junior high, the story gradually began to darken. It went through a weird phase of shoehorning female equivalents of the male characters into the plot, in the person of the "Trench Mice." Yep. ;_; They simply had the same color names only with "Y" on the end--Sgt. Reddy Mouse and Cpl. Pinky Mouse were the two main characters. Fortunately, the Trench Mice phase didn't last long, and it was long ago completely dropped. Dobermann, however, started undergoing a makeover, becoming much more mysterious and ominous a character, whose exact motivations and even alignment remained unknown to me until literally...*checks notes*...December 2, 2021. Yep, I took a note when his purpose in the story finally revealed itself to me. I was in junior high from 1989-1991--the time period when the Berlin Wall fell!--so look how long it took for Dobey to finally open up to me. THIRTY YEARS! About damn time! (The story series was much more broken up at this point, and there was meant to be an uber-edgy novel called Inspector Dobermann To The Core, but like the Mice, this has since thankfully been scrapped.)

('Nother odd detail. Around this point, since Dobey was becoming more serious, the "comic relief" consisted of a pair of bumbling Nazis codenamed Nightstalker (or just Stalker) and Deserta. Don't ask, I have no memory how they got these names. Stalker, I believe, was a doberman pinscher and Deserta was a German shepherd whose voice and personality were modeled after a favorite science teacher of mine. (Hi, Mr. Scott!) Stalker was the more serious of the two, kind of short tempered and a bit prissy, and for some reason I seem to recall him with glasses; Deserta was the bigger, dumber one, not as ill tempered as Stalker but kind of clumsy. These two, like the Trench Mice and (thank God) Woofwoof Hitler, were phased out...or so I thought. Look at the characters of the current version and you'll find a pair, the smarter one with glasses, and the big dumb one--the first is even still a doberman pinscher, although the second is now a Great Dane. It certainly wasn't intentional, and I didn't even notice it at first, but it really does look like Nightstalker and Deserta were effectively replaced by Lt. Gunter Hesse and Master Sgt. Theodor Schulte.)

Schavich is another character who underwent major changes. He was conflated quite a bit with Woofwoof in the earlier stuff, and was very goofy and unintimidating. (Woofwoof is the one who says something similar in the existing text, but Schavich also was primarily known to yell stuff like, "Zose--dirty--TRENCH RATS!!" Yes, I had to phonetically write out the German accent, which only Woofwoof and Schavich seemed to possess... 🤔 ) He's since replaced "Hitler" as the primary rodent antagonist (though in truth, the primary antagonists in this story are nebulous, I think the main bad guy is actually the SS itself rather than any one individual), become more serious, and is on the verge of a name change ("Schavitz" is much more appropriate than the made-up--and Russian-sounding--Schavich).

But anyway...Anna Julian is a character who I believe came about during this darker intermediary period. Her story is told in the first known written version of The Trench Rats--not the first version, the first WRITTEN version. (It claims to be based on an even earlier version, but that's not extant, plus I don't remember it.) And after digging up the typeout (and grimacing at awful dialogue like "I hate this. I just hate war." "Aw, these Nazis'll give up soon." "Yeah, but it's still stupid. Putting people in concentration camps just because they worship a little differently? That's dumb"--OH GOD MAKE IT STOP), I realize Julian's story was where the original text ended. I remember it was extremely difficult for me to write; and even to share it here, despite all the other stuff I've shared, is really hard, too. Still, here's the original text, with my commentary removed. This was written over a period of time but is dated November(?) 1990. Please keep that in mind--at least when I started this text, I'd just turned 14 years old. And my writing at 14 years old is absolutely dreadful.

"We're here," he said. "Now what's this about, Turquoise?"

His older friend heaved a great breath and let it out. "There's something I've been carrying with me for years Gold, and now I want to get it off my chest before I lose it."

"Why now?" Gold asked.

"It's because of the grenade explosion," Turquoise replied. "When I woke up I thought of how close I came to getting it, and how next time I might not be so lucky so this secret would die with me. So I thought I'd tell it to you. You're tougher than an old bird like me. Sit down and make yourself comfortable if that's at all possible."

Gold did as he was told and Turquoise, with the West Wing entrance looming as his background, began his story.

"Of course it was a very long time ago when all of the original Rats were here, before the Wing was closed," he started. "We had a totally different sergeant, a totally different corporal, different lance-corporals and privates. Even Blue was rather new and he was still a private first-class. You probably wouldn't know this, but back then we had another thing that was totally different; we had a female Trench Rat."

"A lady Rat?" Gold interjected.

Turquoise nodded. "And I don't mean like Mam either. She was just like us--only more like Burgundy. She never did any real fighting but was more into Burgundy's line of work."

"You mean doctoring and bookwork."

A nod. "But nonetheless she was a Trench Rat, like you or me. Now, how do you think the others' feelings would be about that?"

"A lady Rat?... I guess they wouldn't like it too much."

"You're right. Barely anyone liked the idea. Most hated it from the start but the sergeant wasn't for sexual discrimination and let her enter. I suppose you can imagine the jeers and remarks she had to take."

"You bet I can."

"There were only a few of us who took it in stride. I myself was one of them, and Burgundy, and--"

"Let me guess: Blue and Doomsday."

"Right again. So of course we were about the only ones whom she really became acquainted with. And that was mostly just on a professional level. This is a cold, cold world. I suppose she learned that, also. In a terrible way."

"What do you mean?"

Now Turquoise acted almost guiltily. "Afterwards she told me most of the story, so I'll piece it together. As best as I can remember, several of the Rats were apparently growing bolder in their actions. They disliked how well the lady Rat and the sergeant got along. Maybe they misinterpreted their casual friendship, for that's all it was, and decided to do something about it. Do 'something' they did--one night three of them accosted her in the empty West Wing, first pretending to be friendly, then becoming more threatening, and finally raping her and leaving her behind."

Gold shuddered. "I never thought they'd do something so low!"

"That's not the end of it. I'm not certain how long after it was, but later that night or the next she came to my quarters and cried to be let in. There she told me everything, except who the Rats were; she didn't know their names but could only point them out. She said that if she told anyone they had threatened to get rid of her in some way--I don't know if by actual killing or not--and further stated that during the attack she had seen another Trench Rat, a great distance away at the entrance, notice what was happening and quickly dart away. I had her go to bed, telling her we could look through the files tomorrow after she had settled down a little more. She never got to identify any of the four Rats though because directly after she disappeared."

"Disappeared?" Gold said with great surprise.

Turquoise nodded a third time. "The next day she was gone. There were signs that she never even made it to her quarters. Later in the day while we searched one of the Rats came to me and asked if she had visited and told me anything unusual. I said no, she'd just dropped in to give me something, but hinted that she had been acting oddly, as if she were afraid of something. This seemed to shake him up a little, but he left and it was supposed then that she, finding barracks life too hard, had gone AWOL. Not long after, before I could figure out how to tell my strange story to the sergeant, there was the trench raid, when the poison gas killed off nearly all of the Rats. The Rat who had so oddly questioned me was killed, and the sergeant's body, if he too died, was never found."

"What about the other three?" Gold asked.

"I don't know. The Rat who visited me seemed to have several friends waiting, and I recognized them as killed or missing in action, and I never did find out about the last Rat."

Gold was silent for a moment. "He was the only one...?"

Turquoise closed his eyes and nodded. "The only witness. The only one who could tell who the attackers were. And I don't know if he's dead or alive." He heaved a sigh of helplessness. "He could be almost anybody! He could be Purple, or Blue, or D-Day, or any one of those scores who were killed in the trenches or taken prisoner. I don't even know who he is."

Another silence. "What happened then?"

"There were only about two dozen of us, so we cleared out the rooms of the West Wing--one of which was her original quarters--and had it boarded up. I had only several days to look around and try to find anything, any little clue as to what happened. She couldn't have gone AWOL. I know she wouldn't. I asked D-Day once if he thought she'd deserted, and even he--someone who has no idea of what really happened--said it seemed doubtful. But nothing ever turned up, and the West Wing was closed down, and now here it is." He took a deep breath again. "You can't possibly imagine how it feels to finally let that all out. All these years I've never told anybody. I didn't know just what to tell them."

"You've done more than a good job of telling me," Gold said.

Turquoise managed a weak smile. "I suppose that's because I knew I had to tell someone before I burst. I can't help feeling guilty, like I never did enough."

Gold reached across and patted his shoulder. "Nothing's your fault. Even if you would've told the sergeant probably nothing could be done. I know I would have gone crazy by now holding that in!"

His friend shrugged. "Maybe I have!"

Additionally, here's a note I added when I typed out the above some years back (last modified in 2018, though it likely predates that):

Note--Turquoise's tale of the only female Trench Rat, and the ruined West Wing, remain in the current storyline in modified format. The female Trench Rat, who is unnamed here, goes by the name Anna Julian and in the current storyline she DID disappear mysteriously around the same time as the gas attack...but I decided that the story that Turquoise tells here is too ludicrous, hence, Julian's disappearance must have another meaning behind it. Seeing as Julian plays no part in the current story, I have yet to come up with this backstory. In the current story, there is ANOTHER female Trench Rat--Lyndsey Skye--who serves Burgundy as a nurse.

So as you can see, Julian's story, mostly intact and same as the original version, still existed as of the previous (circa 2000) version of The Trench Rats, but the outcome had yet to be resolved. This has only just started to happen but is still quite foggy, as I'm finding Anna Julian (who at some point acquired the rank of corporal) to be quite secretive. She's not pouring out her story to me like the others so far.

In the new version, there may still be a rape involved, though not at the hands of the Trench Rats, and possibly it's just an attempt. Maybe even it's staged as a ruse for her to first meet another new character, Liam Morgan (no rank yet). But let me back up a bit.

From what little I know so far--and this could still change--Cpl. Julian is at first uninvolved with the newly formed Trench Rats, but is stationed with the British just inside Germany (weird, I know, but my entire version of this war is weird); she often acts as a sort of liaison. Morgan takes notice of her somewhat meek, subdued nature, and gets the idea she might be rather impressionable. He also somehow learns that she harbors vague feelings that, while odious, are not that uncommon considering the time period. Namely, she's not that fond of Jews.

So already the sweet innocent early version of Anna Julian is no more.

Morgan makes a plan to recruit Julian for his own purposes. Why would he need to, you may ask?--he's a member of the British military, and they're already allies, right? Well...not ENTIRELY right. Because Morgan himself has been recruited, by the Waffen-SS. He's one of a handful of British soldiers who work for the Nazis.

(This here is VERY VERY VERY loosely based on a unit that actually existed, the British Free Corps--British POWs who fought for the Waffen-SS. Take note, however, that in my version, this includes not just infantry soldiers but apparently also spies. Morgan isn't wearing German insignia and fighting alongside the Germans in plain sight. He went back to the British but is working for the Nazis, undercover. So...a double agent? Maybe? Double agents confuse the hell out of me, suffice it to say he's British, but is spying for the Nazis, but is pretending to still work for the British.)

This may be where a staged assault attempt takes place, but I'm not sure. If it does, Morgan intervenes to "save" Julian and thus not just introduce himself, but create a favorable impression as a "hero." They slowly get to know each other, as she's not the trusting sort, yet his protective nature wins her over. (Yes, this version of Julian is quite weak willed. There's a reason I don't write many female characters, they used to always end up like this. But this is why Morgan targets her.) She doesn't just fall in love with him, she practically becomes his (mostly) willing slave. He's recruiting her for a purpose, but he thinks nothing of testing her to see just how much she's willing to take, and the answer is just about anything; even when she protests, he manages to convince her. So Anna Julian is basically putty in his hands and he successfully recruits her as a spy for the Waffen-SS, radicalizing her with ever more hateful and extreme thoughts. He convinces her to attempt to join and spy on the fledgling Trench Rats, whom the Nazis have realized are not actually Great War ghosts. The other British troops Morgan serves with have no idea about his actual alignment; they approve Julian's request to act as a liaison to the Americans, as the SS hopes that she'll be allowed to join their battalion and reveal its location to the Nazis.

It's a bit complicated, however. The Trench Rats are very secretive, and have a strict policy regarding revealing the location of their HQ. ONLY Trench Rats are allowed to know--and Julian isn't a Trench Rat. (One notable exception to this rule is French partisan Papillon, who notified his own people about the site--but he found this out on his own, while spying on the newcomers from above. He's the story's lone bat character, and this serves him well.) Doesn't matter even when she's granted permission to work alongside them--whenever she's transported to Trench Rats HQ, she needs to literally be blindfolded, have headphones put on, and placed in the back of a covered truck or a closed compartment on their transport canines. Seems extreme, yes, but considering the sensitive nature of the Rats' work--stealing Nazi documents in an effort to derail their massive medical experimentation project--they can't take chances. Julian finds herself frustrated.

Morgan decides it's time to amp up their effort, and tells Julian to attempt to seduce the corporal, Drake. She's reluctant--she's already involved with Morgan, plus, Drake is Jewish, which she finds odious--she has enough of a time just putting on a kind face around him--but Morgan wheedles her into it. The effort fails miserably--turns out Drake is much more interested in Papillon than in her. o_o; Oops. Julian dejectedly informs her handler. Morgan instructs her to target Camo, then: He's studied the file the Allgemeine-SS put together on Camo (as Capt. Himmel explains in the sequel story, they attempt to keep files on e-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y), and thinks he's a better target anyway, being a widower who lost his wife and young daughter tragically (in an accident which also left him hooked on morphine) and has never remarried since. He's in pain, and grieving, and is likely lonely. Julian makes a move on him. It's a VERY gradual process, but this time around, it works.

Well...only sort of. Camo does fall for the romantic ruse...but he doesn't give up any intel. Julian's good at being subtle but Camo's even better at keeping secrets, and despite them getting close he doesn't tell her the location of headquarters. He does, however, put in a good word for her with the others at the British outpost, and they get in touch with Camo's superiors in the US and start discussing options to have Julian officially join the Trench Rats. Eventually she's approved...and of course, is given her own room at headquarters.

So in the end, no, Camo never cracks and gives up the secret to the enemy...but yes...he helps let the enemy right in the front door.

This whole time, Julian been reporting to the SS on her progress. Although she's working for the Waffen-SS, the intel she gathers goes through the Allgemeine-SS, who as I mentioned keep records on every-freaking-thing. They're also the ones in charge of that big Nazi medical experiment the Trench Rats are attempting to stop. This is Projekt Weltuntergang, or as the Allies know it, Project Doomsday. It's already responsible for the capture of at least two American soldiers: one from the initial group with Indigo, Silver, et al., since codenamed Doomsday or D-Day himself, and Teal Rat. (Though I believe Teal is one of this group, too.) In an immense stroke of bad luck, Teal was captured when D-Day was rescued. It's discovered that success of the serum used in the project depends on the subject having a particular very rare blood type mutation. D-Day has this mutation. Teal does not. Therefore, he won't be useful as a test subject. Therefore, he's more likely to be subjected to torture for information. So by now, the Trench Rats are worried that Teal could be the one to end up revealing the location of headquarters. They're right about the torture--Dr. Kammler, or "C" as the Allies know him, is incredibly pissed off to lose his most successful test subject, so he takes that out on Teal. They're right about the attempts to extract information. They're wrong about Teal being the one to reveal this info; wonder of wonders, he manages to hold out despite everything C throws at him. It's Anna Julian who reveals this information...Teal's just the poor guy who gets the blame.

There's an interesting development when Julian visits with the SS to give them information. She gets the chance to see project headquarters and another test subject named Kolten. Kolten is considered "blöd," or stupid/slow, yet has the right blood type, so is a perfect initial subject, along with a Jewish prisoner named Jakob Wolfstein. They both see Julian talking with members of the SS and saluting. Kolten, who busies himself drawing and building with blocks--he's very skilled at both, possessing a sort of eidetic memory--makes a sketch of Julian, and shows it to his father when he visits. His father soon after discovers that this woman is with the Trench Rats...apparently as a spy. She's close to their sergeant. And now she knows the location of headquarters, information she's already given to the SS, who plan to make use of it.

Kolten's father is SS, so this information really shouldn't be too surprising to him. The thing is, Kolten's father is Capt. Otto Himmel...who's been secretly working to destroy the project from the inside. Dr. Kammler is his brother-in-law, and he attempted to have Himmel murdered so he could gain custody of his disabled son for use in his experiment. Himmel survived with the aid of the Diamond Network, a resistance group; they advised him on how to get back at Kammler, though Himmel's sole motivation all along has been to protect Kolten--he even joined the SS in a twisted effort to keep Kolten safe from them, assuming (incorrectly) that they wouldn't target the family of a member. Himmel nonetheless has been using info the Network gave him to sabotage Kammler's experiment; he hasn't been successful at ruining the original serum, but he's prevented Kammler from being able to further adapt it, causing the project to stall and the SS to mull over cutting funding. (Ironically, Himmel is in charge of overseeing the project, meaning he reports on it to his boss, who reports to the SS bigwigs who determine if the project gets funded.) The loss of Doomsday is a serious blow, as he was the only test subject who could legitimately be considered a full success. Himmel has figured out that he can't do this on his own--the Trench Rats are his best hope for the project to be dismantled. Therefore, learning that one of them is actually a spy for the SS alarms him. He studies her file, and on another visit overhears her saying "useless eaters"--a Nazi term for disabled persons who are viewed as contributing nothing to society, therefore are best "euthanized"--or, more accurately, executed. Himmel knows this term applies to his own son. And hearing Julian say it, he knows exactly what sort of person she really is, and she can't be allowed to remain free and alive if Kolten is to be protected.

He has no way to alert the Trench Rats to what's to come, as he isn't involved in the Waffen-SS plan to attack Trench Rats Headquarters, doesn't know what form the attack will take, when it'll be, anything. All he can do is wait helplessly until news of it comes back to them. The attack is devastating--about a third of the Rats are killed and headquarters is badly damaged--but it's not completely incapacitating, as two of the five companies manage to fight off a ground attack while a third escapes harm completely--only the two companies led by Camo and Drake don't fare well, bearing the brunt of the casualties. The sergeant and corporal are captured, as well...along with Anna Julian, perfectly playing her role as one of them. The Allgemeine-SS wants to send a representative to question the captives; Himmel requests this and is approved. Therefore he's the one Camo, Drake, and Julian are brought before to be interrogated. Himmel isn't interested in interrogation, though. He paces back and forth in front of the three (the other SS members behind him murmuring about Drake's Star of David necklace and theorizing what sort of test subject he might make), aiming his gun at each in turn and offering a few threatening comments before stopping in front of Drake and pointing the gun at him. Drake shuts his eyes. Then Himmel abruptly swings the gun to the side and shoots Julian in the forehead.

Needless to say this isn't at all what anyone, even the other SS officers, expected. Drake jerks aside in surprise while Camo jumps to his feet and charges Himmel, only to be promptly knocked down and restrained by the other officers; Drake is struck in the head and knocked out when he attempts to see to Julian, and the two are carried away. Himmel is left needing to explain his own actions to the Waffen-SS. All he can say is he had reason to believe Julian was funneling information about the SS back to the Trench Rats--she wasn't, but she's a traitor to the Allies so who's to say she wasn't double-crossing the SS as well? He's on the verge of being harshly reprimanded--or worse--when his boss, Maj. Ludolf Jäger, pulls strings to defend him, insisting that he's always been honest and thinks things through and has no reason to lie now. (Jäger has no idea about any of Himmel's subversive activities.) If he suspected Julian was ratting (no pun intended) on the SS, then he must have had good reason, and the Allgemeine-SS backs him up. Liam Morgan and the Waffen-SS are angry but back off, and Himmel narrowly averts personal disaster. (Privately, though, Jäger laments him "losing his head" and meddling in Waffen-SS affairs, saying, "I much prefer you behind a desk, pushing papers like you're paid to do!")

Camo and Drake are transported to Project Doomsday headquarters where Dr. Kammler is all too eager to try out his serum on them although their blood types are wrong; Camo is quickly relegated to prisoner of war status (Sonderhäftling, a special detainee status which often--though sometimes not, as in Teal's case--leads to better treatment), while Drake disappears into the project as a test subject, which pretty much means torture. Anna Julian's death is quickly brushed off to avoid embarrassment or retribution, and the Trench Rats go on believing that Teal was in fact the source of the leak. Himmel, meanwhile, starts suffering nightmares and insomnia over the incident: He doesn't want to be a murderer, he's even managed to avoid being directly involved in the SS's constant mass killing (though given their scope, he can't help but be indirectly involved, through his knowledge of SS activities and his oversight of Project Doomsday); despite his previous service in the military he's become a sort of closet pacifist, and having to do what he did to Julian, no matter how necessary he deemed it (to prevent her contributing information for future killings), wears on his conscience. An additional detail only adds to his distress: He recognizes Camo beyond his position in the Trench Rats--they've met before. Years ago, aiming their guns at each other across no man's land. Both of them fought in the Great War and happened to briefly encounter each other, long enough for Camo to wonder over how young Himmel looked ("He was barely more than a kid," he tells Drake earlier in the story, which is true--Himmel entered the army underaged, at 14, so was around 17 when he and Camo met) before attempting to shoot him, a shell exploding nearby being the only thing to prevent this. Camo was knocked on his back into the trench and briefly incapacitated, giving Himmel the chance to shoot him, yet he again hesitated, and again Camo attempted to take a shot--only for his rifle to jam. Again leaving him wide open to be killed. Yet again, Himmel didn't take the shot, and instead left as Camo tried drawing his pistol; by the time he climbed out of the trench, Himmel was gone. Camo has since recognized Himmel as well, from a brief run-in they had with each other earlier in the story; he recognizes the "barely more than a kid" who refused to kill him not only once, not twice, but three times. ("No idea what his reason was (for not taking the shot)," he tells Drake.) And Himmel recognizes the American soldier he couldn't bring himself to shoot, even while Camo kept trying to shoot him. He read Camo's file as well. Himmel is also a widower who despite constant pressure from the SS has refused to get remarried, and in a way he also "lost" his child, when he was forced to place Kolten in an institution and wasn't allowed to visit him for years, then lost custody of him to Project Doomsday. He feels that he understands Camo a little, and hates having to be the one to wound him all over again. But if this is what it takes to keep Kolten safe, then it's what he had to do.

Himmel does manage to set a couple of things (somewhat) right. He ensures that Camo is able to escape custody, even though Camo has no idea he's involved. And although he can't do much to prevent their torture, he intervenes several times to make sure both Drake and Teal remain alive long enough to be rescued (although Teal ends up committing suicide afterwards). He and Dr. Kammler are captured at the same time as the rescue, and Teal turns on Kammler and kills him for the horrific abuse he suffered; Himmel shocks the Trench Rats by laughing at the murder. Drake and Teal are taken to the Trench Rats' medical ward, which is where Teal stabs himself in the neck, in full view of Drake, who has to reassure the rattled surgeon, Burgundy, that he won't attempt the same. Cpl. Gold Rat (Drake's successor) and LC Mahogany Rat take Teal's body and go in search of a place to bury him. While searching they meet an unknown party who always wears a gas mask and German-style uniform, though seems to be allied with the resistance; he seems distressed after learning the identity of the body, but signs for them to follow him as he leads them to a suitable burial place. After a long complicated trek the three arrive at a waterfall and dig a grave nearby. When Gold remarks on just how far they had to walk, the gas-masked party says in a muffled voice, "He found this waterfall." The two Rats are puzzled how the unknown party is familiar with Teal until he removes the gas mask. Gold still has no idea who he is, but Mahogany recognizes Camo from his personnel file photo. He was warned by the Diamond Network, after his escape, that returning to Trench Rats' Headquarters could make it even more of a target yet again, and since the Rats had a new sergeant, he might serve a better purpose helping the resistance, which is what he's been up to since then. Learning of the rescue and of how project headquarters was taken over, he decides it's time to drop the act and return to Trench Rats HQ.

The other Rats were stunned by the return of Teal and Drake, both of whom they'd assumed were dead; they're stunned all over again when Camo returns as well. Himmel is still in their custody, and Camo demands to see him; although not in great shape, Drake accompanies him, knowing exactly why he wants to meet him. Camo demands an answer from Himmel regarding why he shot Cpl. Julian; Himmel only responds that he doesn't believe Camo really wants the truth. Infuriated, Camo attempts to shoot him, but is stopped at the last minute by Drake, who knocks his hand aside when Himmel blurts out the phrase, "Eight burning lamps!" Drake explains that a guard at project headquarters had told him this phrase without explaining what it meant or who sent it; Himmel using it shows that he colluded with the guard to help Drake, and it's made clear he was involved in ensuring Camo's escape as well. When Camo again demands an answer--why would he help them, yet kill Julian?--Himmel promises to tell them everything, but only if they take him to meet Kolten, who was rescued by the Trench Rats earlier while being transported by the Nazis. No one understands the request, but Himmel refuses to speak another word, so they decide it can't hurt, and they take him to the farmhouse where Kolten has been staying with an older couple. Upon meeting, Kolten asks Himmel if he'll be returning to stay with Dr. Kammler, or "Doctor-Father," as he was trained to refer to him. Himmel replies no, Kammler is gone for good and the project is over. Kolten then asks if this means he'll be going with Himmel, or "Hauptsturmführer-Father," instead. Not only did the Trench Rats have no idea that Kolten is Himmel's son, but Himmel wasn't aware Kolten knew this, either--he's been institutionalized since he was a toddler, and Himmel was prevented from having contact with him for years; even after he was granted access to him again (by showing up in his new SS uniform and threatening to be let in), he never mentioned being Kolten's father, as the doctor had told him it could confuse Kolten. Despite being slow, however, Kolten really isn't stupid, and he's known exactly who Himmel is all this time: Himmel was the only person to consistently show him love. Himmel replies that Kolten can't come with him as he's not sure what will happen to him now, but he'll return to him if/when he can, and he loves him. They embrace and Himmel then goes with the Trench Rats without protest.

Keeping his word, Himmel tells the Trench Rats everything he knows about Project Doomsday and his role in it, including how he worked to sabotage it following his rescue by the Diamond Network. He tried what he could to keep Kammler's captives alive, and to aid Camo's escape. He's also been aiding Lt. Ratdog and PFC Godfrey Klemper, two members of the Wehrmacht, who have secretly turned against the Nazis themselves. Camo is even more confused--again, why would he do everything he can to help the Allies, at the risk of being considered a traitor, yet then execute Anna Julian? Himmel reluctantly replies that she wasn't who they thought she was, and lays out all the details, including Teal's insistence, to the very end, that although he did some other awful things to try to avoid further torture, he never gave away the location of headquarters. Camo finds all of this nearly impossible to believe, but Himmel sticks to his story even when subjected to a hasty military trial shortly following the war, and several others--including Wolfstein and even Drake--testify that they never saw him harm others, even that he was trying to help them. (Additionally, Wolfstein confirms Julian's visit to project headquarters.) His killing of Anna Julian is problematic--still technically an extrajudicial execution--but they take the extenuating circumstances into consideration, including the likely possibility that she would have contributed further info that would have led to more deaths, such as those of the rest of the Trench Rats, and Kammler's test subjects--Drake, Wolfstein, Teal, Kolten, and others. He's acquitted of committing any war crimes, though found guilty of belonging to a criminal organization (the SS) and is stripped of his military titles and honors. He's allowed to leave, free; he decides to go to Kolten, who's been staying with a civilian couple since being liberated by the Trench Rats previously. On his way out he stops by Camo, who's been watching the proceedings, and murmurs, "I know you cared about her. I'm sorry you had to find out this way," and departs.

Camo and Himmel have a bit more of a story after this, though it takes Camo a while to work through his anger and guilt over the role he inadvertently played in the attack on HQ, and Himmel deals with some ghosts of his own. Anna Julian exits the storyline relatively early--toward the end of the first main story--but casts a long shadow behind her.

[Anna Julian 2022 [‎Friday, ‎August ‎12, ‎2022, ‏‎4:00:09 AM]]

[Anna Julian 2022 2 [‎Friday, ‎August ‎12, ‎2022, ‏‎4:00:19 AM]]

[Anna Julian 2022 3 [‎Friday, ‎August ‎12, ‎2022, ‏‎4:00:29 AM]]

[Anna Julian 2022 4 [‎Friday, ‎August ‎12, ‎2022, ‏‎4:00:38 AM]]

#artists on tumblr #ibisPaint x #SketchDaily #original characters

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ashbelero · 3 years

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Making a Monster

Otomeman’s Approach to Belphegor

I’ve been asked recently what exactly it is that I “do” to Belphegor in order to amp up his creep factor. At the time, I didn’t really have a succinct answer, but as I’m doing a new commission with Belphie, I decided to see if I could break it down.

First, let’s take a look at our subject material.

Solmare Belphie: Cute. Want to pet. Sleepy cat.

But he’s described as the “Yandere seventh brother” and his character gets extremely dark over the course of the story. This Belphie isn’t the one who strangled the MC to death, is it?

But there are a few pieces we get here and there that DO play off the fear factor, and those are the ones I prefer.

... Still feels like there’s something missing here, though. So, let’s go back to the drawing board with our base model. I’ve decided to replicate one of the first cards I showed in the post here and change him up from there, so here’s our mockup.

This boy needs some work.

First step is to tackle the hair and eyes for me.

I don’t think I was aware of how long I always draw Belphegor’s hair, but I do believe this is a part of what amps up his creep a lot. Belphie’s lazy. While his original model does a little bit to give the idea that he rolls out of bed like that, I want to give the idea that he never bothers to get it cut, either. The fluff at the nape of his neck helps that along - not something deliberate but rather, it just grew in that way after a shorter cut.

Belphie’s eyes are an enormous part of the energy he gives off, and we can totally see that with this minor change. What the second row of examples has that the first doesn’t is a certain heavy quality to the gaze, and so here, I’ve thickened the upper eyelid and angled the corners drastically. I’ve also brought his browline down to be more sharp and hard. Finally, a preliminary round of shadowing at the outer bottom lid imparts a sleepless weight.

This isn’t really a note on the official art, since all of the characters have sharp chins and noses, but compared to my other characters, I do sharpen and slim down Belphie’s features a bit more. I also try to either have only his teeth showing or for his smiles to be closed-mouth. The parted mouth is more of an invitation here, though.

Final touches are all in shadow and color. I like giving him these deep shadows under his eyes and sometimes spilling up onto his upper lid as well. I make the highlights in his eyes and small or thin as possible, and just for extra effect, throw some shade bleeding down into his face.

Otomeman Belphie: I am going to lock you in the attic and you’ll beg me to throw away the key.

And just from making those small changes, you can see how drastically Belphie becomes... well.. a demon. My art style is way different as well, but if I wanted to, I COULD draw Belphie as this cute and cheery character...

I just like him better as a monster.

So that’s how I end up going off model. I think you can forgive me for it.

Patreon | Ko-Fi

#om! belphegor #obey me! belphie #obey me!#art tutorial #art #yandere #obey me spoilers #death mention

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softlouve · 3 years

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here are some fics that I’ve read recently that I absolutely loved (huge thanks to all the writers for writing & sharing their wonderful works 💛) and want more people to read. hope you enjoy!

1. Pretty Please (With Sugar On Top) by angelichl / @angelichl ♡ 113k, Explicit

Harry is a sugar baby omega who cons rich alphas for a living. Louis is a rich alpha with too much self-control.

(a/b/o dynamics, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, miscommunication, soulmates au.)

2. Come My Love Again by softfonds / @softfonds ♡ 110k, Explicit

Harry Styles is handsome, clever, and rich. At least that’s what his friends say of him. He also thinks of himself as a matchmaker in Highbury, pairing people together when he finds the time. But when the arrival of a certain gentleman flips Harry’s world on its head, he starts to question everything that was once all too familiar to him, including his relationship with his good friend, Mr. Tomlinson. An Emma AU.

(historical au, friends to lovers, childhood friends, misunderstandings, miscommunication, slow burn, mutual pining.)

3. A Boy Is A Bullet by lavenderlilypad ♡ 103k, Mature

“Do I look like some hitchhiker, Louis? Do these look like hitchhiker thumbs to you?” Harry asks, holding his thumbs up as Louis continues to cock his head at him boredly. “Do they?”

Louis smacks Harry’s thumbs down and out of his face with a disgruntled moan, before working to fish his keys out of his pocket. “I won’t do that this time. Just c’mon.”

Harry shakes his head at himself as he approaches the car and prepares to round it in order to get in on the passenger side. If Louis ditches him again today he’s getting dye in his shampoo. For real this time.

With the approach of high school graduation, harrowing final exams, and surprise drunken kisses, dysfunctional best friends Harry and Louis have a lot to figure out in such little time.

(friends to lovers, high school au, coming of age, graduation.)

4. Love in the Dark by brightgolden / @brightgolden ♡ 90k, Explicit

Where Louis is an ambitious Advisor Council that is reluctant to find a mate, and his father takes the matter into his hand while Harry is the valedictorian in his kingdom destined for better things than an arranged marriage.

(a/b/o dynamics, arranged marriage, mpreg.)

5. Every kind of way by Halos_Boat / @halosboat ♡ 68k, Explicit

The kind-of friends with benefits AU where Harry lands up in the same group of friends as Louis after Louis' best friend dates Harry for a year. The first time they hook up, they agree it won't happen again. But when they do it again and decide on a casual arrangement, feelings start to get involved, and things get complicated.

(friends/fwb to lovers, this one doesn’t have that many tags but it is defo angsty, fluffy and smutty.)

6. Before You Speak, Don't Move by lavenderlilypad ♡ 45k, Mature

“We took Spanish together freshman year? You’re also in my best friend Zayn’s fraternity and I say hi to you like, all the time.”

Louis doesn’t look very much convinced even as Harry’s coming to stand in front of him, which one would think should jog his memory.

“Yes, but have we ever held an actual conversation,” Louis says, eyebrows knit together. “I take classes with lots of people.”

Harry is looking for a drastic change, and Louis offers him a deal he can't refuse.

(college/uni au, fraternity, fake/pretend relationship.)

7. Barefoot in Blue Jeans by indiaalphawhiskey / @indiaalphawhiskey ♡ 24k, Explicit

Louis Tomlinson is trying desperately hard not to fall for his son’s au pair, but he can’t, for the life of him, remember why.

(alternate universe, kid fic, slow burn.)

8. Enamored With You by superglass / @gaymoustache ♡ 22k, Teen & Up

Louis Tomlinson is a well-known comedian living in the center of Manhattan. He practices his sets at the coffeehouse that made him famous. When Harry Styles, a poor, new folksinger trying to make it big, steals his slot at the club, Louis does everything in his power to chase him away, and ends up falling in love instead.

(1960s au, enemies to lovers.)

9. buttercup baby by cabinbythesea ♡ 15k, Not Rated

In this one, Harry is a twenty-five year old successful art dealer and Louis is a commercial pilot who thinks being twenty-nine is a horrifying personality trait.

(alternate universe, fwb to lovers.)

10. got my teeth in you by docklands / @hershelsue ♡ 9k, Explicit

Harry has been best friends with Louis since he can remember. Louis' carefree and nomadic spirit, so very different from Harry's desire for stability, is precisely what makes their dynamic so special. When Louis is brave enough to break the wall between them, they start sleeping together. Harry's thoughts spiral as he's caught up between his newfound feelings, the crushing weight of being a Literature major and the imminent threat of losing Louis forever.

(college/uni au, fwb to lovers.)

don’t forget to leave kudos ❤ thank you!

#hlsource #hlcreators #1dsource #hersheltracks #larry fic #fics #**#please read the tags/notes before reading a fic in case there's something that may trigger you #i plan to do more of these 'cause i still have a lot of fics that i love on my list #what do you think? have you read some of these? any of these your fave?

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ozzdog12 · 3 years

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2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year.

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out.

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so.

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

#videogames #control #grindstone #tlou #doom eternal #gears tactics #ghost of tsushima #ps4 #ps5 #xbox one #switch #nintendo switch #playstation4 #GOTY #spiderman #astro playroom

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not-xpr-art · 3 years

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Art Advice #2 - How to beat art block!

Hi again everyone!

This is the second instalment to my Art Advice tag offering hints and tips for artists of any skill level!

This time I’ll be going into ways I’ve found that help me to combat art block or creative ruts. Of course, these may not work for you, and a big part of art is learning about what things do and do not work for you, but I hope it at least offers some advice to anyone who struggles with art blocks!

How to beat art block.

Getting into an art block can be one of the most frustrating things as an artist. Especially if you’ve tried to dedicate a window of time to drawing something, only for your brain to ‘nope’ out and give you no motivation. I’ve found it can often make you feel worthless as an artist, particularly when you see fellow artists continuing to produce countless amazing artworks, and this kind of self depreciation only adds to your inability to produce anything.

And I’m not about to suggest some magical cure of art block, since I don’t believe there is one, but I hope that my advice can at least help lead you towards getting out of these vicious circles of art block & self deprecation!

Tip #1 - Explore other mediums

I feel like as artists we get incredibly ‘comfortable’ in the mediums we’re familiar with. For me, that’s digital and pencil drawing. I’ve been doing pencil drawing for as long as I can remember, and digital for a little over 7 years, so I’ve become very comfortable in using them.

However, I think that a good way to not only help combat art block, but also to expand your art horizons, is to step out of that comfort zone into a new field of art.

Of course, I’m not saying that I expect every artist to go from pencil drawing for 10 years to suddenly picking up a paint brush and doing some oil painting. But instead that every so often maybe just try and dabble in mediums you’ve not used as much, or haven’t used before at all. A lot of shops sell pretty inexpensive paints, pens or pastels nowadays, not to mention a quick Google search will give you tips on how to use the particular medium if you’re not sure how to start.

A thing I want to mention here, too, is that I think it’s important to not to expect yourself to be automatically ‘great’ at a particular medium. For example, last year I did my first embroidery piece. I had wanted to do embroidery for a long time, and did actually enjoy it a lot (even if it was incredibly time consuming lol). But I found myself dissatisfied with the finale result.

And in a way this is because I expected myself to be perfect at embroidery after just one attempt, which is ridiculous of course, since any kind of art takes years and years to ‘master’. And when I look back, I can’t help but think ‘why does it have to be good in the first place’? Why did I put this pressure on myself to be a sudden Master of Embroidery, when surely the main goal of any kind of art is to some extent the enjoyment of the process?

This is still a mindset I think a lot of artists will relate to, and is something I’m trying to combat myself.

Recently I painted some fake plastic eggs inspired by the Polish folk art tradition ‘Pisanki’. They took a long time, and my neck hurt a lot from being hunched over and painting little dots, but honestly I really loved the whole process of them! Painting on 3D objects isn’t something I do a lot, and I also rarely do purely pattern-based work like this, so it was a real deviation from my comfort zone.

In a way, exploring other mediums is like a creative respite. Giving yourself a break from what you’re familiar with not only helps you to be inspired by a wide range or arts, but when you return to the mediums you enjoy the most, I’ve actually found you appreciate them even more!

(Really, nothing makes me more appreciative for digital art than painting a wrong dot on the surface of an egg and not being able to rub it out...)

Tip #2 - Try different styles

Another tip, similar in many ways to the first one, is to try different styles of art every once and a while.

Like with materials, I think we as artists can get overly caught up in ‘our style’ of doing things. Whether this is a particular stylised or cartoonish way of drawing, or doing realistic art, or even sticking to a particular colour scheme. And I think especially in the world we live in, where artists have to make themselves as ‘consumer friendly’ as possible, which often means having a ‘recognisable brand’, it can feel like we have to do our art in a particular way, otherwise people will lose interest in it.

I think this is harmful for a lot of reasons. Partly, I feel it stifles artists creativity to force themselves to do one style and one style only. I also feel it assumes that non-artists are so single-track minded that if an artist were to post works of art that involve different styles, then they would immediately lose interest.

So my advice to any artist who has a particular style is to once in a while try out some different styles. It doesn’t have to be big pieces, and it also doesn’t have to be the polar opposite of what your style actually is. But instead if can be as simple as doing a ‘style challenge’ (something I’ve done in the past), or even just trying a different way of drawing or painting!

In a way, changing your medium and changing your style occasionally go hand in hand. I particularly find that how I draw people will change with the kinds of mediums I use, or even when I start using a new brush with digital art.

For example, I recently did this super quick sketch of Kiki Layne, because I really loved the reference image, and it came out a lot more stylised than my art usually is. And this is almost entirely down to the brush I used (which was an ‘ink’ style brush, in comparison to the ‘pencil’ or ‘pen’ brushes I usually use for sketching).

This isn’t a drastic change in style for me, but I do think even trying to do rougher or messier styles of art like this can allow you to see your art in a new light!

(A side note here, but I already pretty much change up my style with every piece because I have no interest in being ‘marketable’ lol... But I’m definitely not suggesting everyone should be like me, just every so often changing up your style I believe can be really beneficial!)

Tip #3 - Changing subject matters

This one is essentially the same as the other two, and I’m sorry if this comes across as repetitive, but I think another great way to help beat art block is by changing up the kinds of things you draw!

Being predominantly a portrait artist, I rarely go out of my way to draw things like trees or birds or cups or whatever. But I know that often when I feel myself entering a kind of creative rut or art block, it’s because I’ve been drawing too many people & my brain is sort of all people-d out lol...

(this is a tree I drew in oil paints midway through last year because I was feeling particular people-d out at that point)

So I think occasionally drawing other things, and going out of your art comfort zone, can help to improve your creativity. And hey, who knows, maybe you’ll end up incorporating something you drew randomly into a new artwork!

TL;DR (/conclusion)

So, remember that exploring other mediums, changing up your regular style and choosing other subject matters can all help in beating art block! Of course, you don’t have to do them all at the same time, but instead just dipping in and out of them as you produce your regular work can be highly beneficial!

I mainly wanted to make this post not to say that by doing all three of these things, you’ll magically be free of art block forever, because that’s just not true. (I’m someone who does a lot of these things pretty regularly, but still gets into art blocks every now and then). I instead wanted to inspire you to deviate from what you are usually drawn to as an artist.

The world is your creative oyster, so don’t be afraid to explore it!

I hope you enjoyed this post about ways to beat art block! I may make a part two if people are interested since there are a lot of other things that I think can help in improving creativity!

#art advice #art block #how to beat art block #creativity #art discussion #artists on tumblr #this is about 1300 words long btw #i honestly DID try not to ramble pffffft #anyway i hope someone found this at least slightly useful!

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egg-emperor · 3 years

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☼ - appearance headcanon

I've had this in my inbox for a while now because I feel like it was the most vague prompt on the list. It could mean so many different things and I don't know which to discuss!

But I'm going with describing how I imagine Eggman's appearance throughout his life, since there's no right or wrong way to answer. It's an opportunity to describe it because I still have yet to finish and share art depicting my ideas for what he looked like/will look like.

When Ivo was a kid, I imagine that many of his features closely resembled his classic design. He never looked drastically different from it.

His face has always been round and his cute chubby cheeks were especially visible before he had his stache. His nose was never all that different in shape, (Idk why people change that, it doesn't make sense) just slightly in color. It wasn't as pink because his rosacea and other contributions to its color became more intense with age.

He's always been chubby and it's a common body type for Robotnik family men. But there's always a reason and for Ivo it was various aspects of his lifestyle that resulted in his weight. As for his limbs, they've always had the unique contrast of being more attenuated than expected. It's a unique Robotnik family genetics thing.

A lot of fan designs of Eggman as a kid to young adult include him having wild hair styles but I don't picture it looking too extreme. Just fairly simple, short most of the time, naturally parted, and not specifically styled to look a certain way. It ever looked anything like jimbotnik's because I don't feel like the style suits him.

His hair had quite a soft and fluffy feel to it like his stache does now. It would fluff up easily and look a bit scruffy. He didn't pay much attention and would leave it that way because it wasn't something he prioritized. He never had pride or attachment to his hair like he does with his stache, so it was easy for him to rid of it as an adult.

He used to have eyebrows! Despite both him and Gerald lacking them, I imagine he had them at some point but ended up losing them. I've never decided exactly when or how but it could've been because of an accident. Either way, they were gone by the time he lost his hair. It's a good thing he has expressive brow ridges. XD

Despite his height of 6' 1" now, he was pretty short throughout his childhood, even in some of his teen years. He didn't like how some people wouldn't take him seriously and would look down on him but he wasn't too worried or insecure because it's common for men in the Robotnik family to be big and tall, so he knew he'd catch up.

He was right, he had a growth spurt that surprised everyone because it was so fast and sudden that it seemed like it happened overnight. He even ended up being taller than his father ever was! His height then matched his confidence and ego, he enjoyed finally being the one to tower over others and make them feel small. He still feels that same power and pride in it to this day! XD

His weight only ever increased with his growth so he's always been round and chunky, never skinny and lanky. But he finds himself handsome and only cares about being comfortable in his body. With it being common in the family, nobody tried to make him feel bad for it. Perhaps they might have had something to say about him becoming the heaviest, but that was after he left to start his own life and he never saw them again.

Somewhere in his 20s or maybe early 30s, he started getting early signs of male pattern baldness. It was another expected genetics thing so the only part that surprised him was how early it was. Unlike his father who was desperate to maintain his hair, Ivo didn't really care much about his own. His father spent years trying to keep his, while Ivo didn't even bother trying to save it and just shaved his entire head.

He might have tried a couple of wigs in case a bold head didn't suit him but he quickly realized how he found them too uncomfortable and itchy. He also realized that bald is beautiful and embraced it. He still has a number of wigs for disguises and they always looks convincing so he could have hair if he wanted to. But they still make him itch and he thinks he looks much better without them now.

He'd already started growing a mustache before losing his hair because he always thought they were cool. A lot of the males in the family did with his grandfather and father having one too. When he still had hair and a smaller stache, he looked very similar to his father and some confused them with each other. He's always been up to sly trickery so he used it to his advantage at times for useful benefits in his father's business.

But after he shaved his head and started growing out his stache so it could be as magnificently big and fluffy as it is now, he soon had a lot more in common with his grandfather's appearance than his father's. Even more so when he changed his round glasses with arms and clear glass to his shaded pince-nez ones. He welcomed this because he idolized his grandfather but disliked his father.

I don't try to find a logical explanation for the way he changed shape from spherical to more of an egg shape from classic and modern, or the way he seemingly got taller during adulthood lol. I just see it as a design and style choice that doesn't need a story based explanation. No characters notice or acknowledge the changes in their appearance, kind of like how nobody in 06 did.

That was a summary of the progress behind his appearance up to the present! I have ideas for extremely specific extra details for his present look and how it changes, such as small things with his eyes and skin. But I've decided I'll get into that in the second ask of this same prompt I got. So stay tuned! For now, I'm going to move on to how he'll look in the future because I have a few more things to say about it!

When he gets even older, he'll go through quite a few drastic changes but he'll still just look like a slightly altered version of his present self.

The most visible sign of age besides his graying stache is his weight because of how his current almost ends up doubling. It's mostly because he dropped his exercise routine when he started to let himself get comfortable in his old age. He couldn't accept it immediately due to the judgement he knew he'd get but he learned to expect reactions and not take it to heart. The teasing still gets to him at times but he deals with it.

He also does end up losing some of his height. I still haven't decided how many inches he loses but it will at least noticable enough for people to point it out. This is extremely disappointing to him and he'll heavily deny it because he really doesn't want to accept it. Luckily he'll still have a decent posture because he tries hard to maintain it, so that helps him keep a bit of height.

His most noticable wrinkles will be those that are around his eyes and also his brow area because of how often it furrows. It's definitely another point of teasing for people but he doesn't care about the wrinkles on his face because what is he supposed to do about it? He doesn't try to cover it up. He's secretly a bit insecure of wrinkles he has in other places but most people don't get to see that.

Because he'll still be so hardworking, he'll be visibly affected more noticably after lack of sleep. The circles/bags under his eyes will become even darker and will be seen on most days. He often looks tired and pissed off but rest assured, he isn't always feeling as miserable and exhausted as he might appear. But it will seem to stand out even more prominently when he has a rough day.

It impressively takes a while for his stache to fully gray, despite his age and constant stress. But it doesn't take as long as it seems because he keeps trying to hide and even dye it. The hair comes in as a very dark gray at first and he really won't be happy with it. It will take a while for him to accept and embrace it, mostly because it's a sign of his mortality that makes him feel like he's 'running out of time' because he's dramatic like that.

But by the time his entire stache grays, it will look like more of a snowy white color with some slightly darker patches here and there. The rest of his body hair will look the same way, so he goes from a brown bear to a bigger polar bear! 💜 And while he'll still have his worries about aging and mortality, this is the point where he'll learn to embrace the affects that age has on his appearance and he stills finds himself as handsome as ever. 💕

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #headcanons #my post #asks #ask prompts

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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

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OC Master List

Obviously if you’ve followed me for any length of time you will know that I have a really nasty habit of making characters of my own design. I love to be creative and make my own realities through this medium. It’s actually one of my favorite things to do. I’ve wanted to make this for a while because my friends sometimes get confused as to which OC that I’m talking about so this is the master list for everybody.

My Hero Academia: If I have any fandom where most of my OCs go it’s into the MHA fandom. I have currently five OCs in this show so let’s talk about them one by one.

Mitsuki Haruka: My first OC that I truly ever created and invented with the knowledge of doing it. Mitsu has a really special place in my heart because she was the first and the one that I work for the most in this fandom usually. Her comfort character is Katara from Avatar The Last Airbender. Her quirk is water. She can pretty much do anything with water. She can heat it, freeze it, glide around on it, whip it out of her and use something that I stole from Fairy Tail called waterlock where she locks a person inside of a body of water. Her canon partner is Tenya Iida my favorite square boi. I often talk about her with her adopted brother and my amazing friend @bio-hazard0us OC Kaku.

Violet Katsuragi: Violet is one that I don’t really talk about in great detail a whole lot because every time I try to I cry. Her family is a massive shit show and I always feel so bad for making it that way. I’m always like “My poor baby who is making you suffer so much-oh yeah it’s me sorry about that babe.” She is my “villain” OC. She is really only a member of the league so that she can stay close with her boyfriend and love of her life Twice (Jin). Her quirk is that she can control the plant tattoos that are on her arms by summoning them and using them in combat. Her comfort character is Mary Poppins because it reminds her of her older brother. Violet is an actress for a local community theater once the league disbands quietly. She and Jin also adopt Toga (a younger member of the villain league) as their own daughter to give her a second chance at life. I love her even though she’s the saddest backstory one that I have to work with it’s also the most fulfilling when I write fluff for her.

Shizuko Kanade: Another absolute baby with a crappy home life. I’m sorry that I made it that way hun but it gets better for you I promise. Shizuko is my quirkless OC and my genius tech girl. She lives below her best friend and brother in arms Denki Kaminari and they’ve been best friends since they moved into the same building together. Her comfort character is PJ from the Goof franchise especially from Goof Troop that was her favorite show to watch with her aunt when she was growing up. She starts off really chubby, the cute kind of chubby but starts drastically dropping pounds in order for her parents to love and accept her. When they still don’t Denki has enough and talks to his mom and they decide to call the police and foster Shizuko into their own home. They get a restraining order against her biological family and my best girl gets a happy home. She wants to be the first quirkless hero to rely completely on support items. (She is also partnered with Shoji if anybody is curious.)

Arashi Mitsuha: This absolute baby, I love them. Ari is my gender fluid OC that I made who started off as just your everyday cis male but then I had an idea that spiraled from Ari in eyeliner to Ari in a skirt and then we wound up with the gender fluid absolute icon that they are today. Ari has a weather quirk. Basically anything involving weather they can do it with their eyes closed. Thunder and lightning storms, tsunamis, tornados but also snow and sunshine. They’re really OP and hella versatile it makes it more fun to write their fighting style. I paired them up with Denki in your stereotypical meet-cute scenario. In terms of backstory they just had a really bad ex-boyfriend before Denki came into their life like a literal speeding bullet. Their comfort character is Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Litzy Diaz: My last and FINAL MHA OC I promise you. Litzy is from a small town in Mexico and transferred to UA giving herself a second chance to start anew with her new friends and away from her toxic parents. She is fostered by Aizawa and Present Mic who have already adopted Shinsou so they are brother and sister in every way but blood. Her quirk was very heavily inspired by my love of Dr Facilier in Princess And The Frog. She can control shadows, shadow travel through things such as walls and she can control her friends on the other side basically demons from the underworld. Present Mic sees her as his long lost daughter and basically worships the ground that she walks on. He loves her more than anything in the entire world. Her comfort character is Miguel from Coco and La Muerte from Book Of Life. Her canon partner is Juso from Class B.

DuckTales: I only have one DuckTales OC (thank the Gods) but she’s very special and important to me. I love the reboot of this show even if I’m way the hell behind on it (I promise I’ll catch up after Gravity Falls Donuts!!).

Sabrina Duck: Sabrina is a sister for Huey, Dewey and Louie!! She shares the title of oldest quadruplet by thirty seconds and often took over the motherly role for her siblings when their mom wasn’t there. She was always reminding them to do their homework, regulated who got TV time and who was in charge of the delegated family movie night. This resulted in a rift between her and her brother Dewey that only got bigger overtime. School was really hard for her to deal with. She was never the best at paying attention during her classes and had a really bad sensory overload one day. She was really close with her uncle Ludwig though and he offered to teach her. They have a really special bond between the two of them that I love writing for. Sabrina was the person that grounded Ludwig to not think up as many crazy inventions. She also knits!! She loves knitting sweaters for her friends and family around the holidays. I am partnering her up with Gosalyn eventually.

Star Vs The Forces Of Evil: To be perfectly honest with you guys, I have not seen the entire show. It’s really hard for me to get into it. Because when you only really love one character in the entire thing it gets harder to keep coming back for more. Especially because in the first two seasons you don’t get a whole lot of him and I’m stuck on season 2.

Allania (Nia) Alvez: I feel like out of all my OCs I am the most like Nia. She’s a half elf-half mortal princess that isn’t allowed to live with the elves so they sent her to live with her mortal father. Her dad’s run a bakery in town and she works there as an assistant baker when she isn’t preparing for her next drag show. She grew up in this family full of love and acceptance and grew excited about one day having a relationship just like her parents. Her first brush with love left her broken by the side of the road even though no relationship came of it. A lot of my feelings for my ex-best friend went into Nia’s personality. However, there is a bright side! Of course with every one of my fics so far there is a bright side that comes in the form of my favorite character Tom who gives her the love that she deserves.

Animaniacs: Of course this is me we’re talking about so there has to be an Animaniacs OC on this list! This is actually the first character that I ever made on my own free will! She has changed a lot throughout the years that I’ve had her mostly because my tastes have changed.

Elizabeth Martin: Lizzy is a member of the scene crowd, I was inspired by my best friend and what she wears every day. For the modern au that I have her in her and Yakko are dance partners in a musical theater style school. For the regular fic she’s cast as his love interest. I love this girl so much. To me she is everything that I want to be even now. Her strength and confidence to get through every situation, even the ones that she is afraid to deal with speaks volumes to how I want to be one day. One of the few things that we have in common is that we both did martial arts! She stuck with it for longer than me though and is currently a green belt in kempo karate. Her favorite musical is Fun Home because it’s the one that she relates to the most through the eyes of the mother Helen Beckdal. Her parents basically had three other kids and went here take care of these it’s your job. Every time I listen to Days and Days I think of how much she had to go through just to make sure that everything was going according to plan.

Looney Toons: Who doesn’t love Looney Toons?! We all have our personal favorite characters, mine has always been the schemer Daffy Duck. I thought that he was a combination of the funniest and had the most personality other than Bugs. I love his antics and get rich quick schemes and I thought to myself one day “How cute would it be if he had an adorable little niece who loved space?!”

Daniella Duck: This began the creation of one of the best ideas that I personally think that I have ever had. So Daniella is the only one out of all my OCs that does not have aspergers. Instead I looked at Daffy’s elongated tongue and was like “Hm something inside of me thinks that she would have down-syndrome...” At first she was just going to have a little bit of her uncle’s speech impediment but this is what happens when I get ideas when I’m working out. Daniella lives with her uncle on the warner movie lot in the show fic. I love writing for her and her uncle’s relationship because it’s soft Daffy (it’s very similar to writing for soft Grunkle Stan and I LOVE BOTH). Daniella also has an uncle figure in Bugs and Porky of course. I gave her canon partner to Wakko because I just thought that they would be SO cute together. He helps her work on her self confidence and working her way around her speech impediment. In the modern au that I have she has a brother Ding Dong (@oo-fabooo02 OC). She goes to school with Wakko, loves Ed, Ed N Eddy, helps her uncle on his podcast because Daffy is a comedian in this au and she helps him write his script for the episodes. She loves space in both aus but in the modern au she actually is able to become an astronaut!

Teen Titans\Promare: I have the same OC for both Teen Titans and for Promare but she’s more for Promare right now. What started off as just a happy au that she could have with her comfort character from the TT fic sort of spiraled into this whole other au.

Keiko Katsuragi\Fotia in the Promare au: Keiko is a really special OC in my heart. She’s adorable, fun loving, sweet and just an all around amazing girl. In the Teen Titans au she’s a lot more damaged emotionally. Her father gave her powers through a serum that she didn’t even really want (she thought that he was joking) and it caused her house to burn down. When she left Japan she was homeless until the Teen Titans found her. Keiko is a member of the decora community and loves cutesy, girly things (especially Pokémon, Sanrio characters, Spongebob, Strawberry Shortcake and Care Bears). Her collection of stuffed animals is immense and intimidating. Her canon partner is Beast Boy. I’ve had Keiko since I was six and only just started to refine her and make her into an official OC. Promare au Keiko still has BB as her partner but I made him into a fire fighter for this au to work. She started off in a poly relationship with Meis and Gueira but I changed my mind. Writing the Promare au gave me the chance to make a happy unscarred Keiko. Her comfort character in this au is Dot.

Princess And The Frog: If you forced me to pick a favorite Disney movie this one would be one of the two answers that I gave to you. I have a very big soft spot for this movie in particular. It is one that changed my life when I sat there as a young child and watched the movie unfold in front of my very eyes. Every time I rewatch this movie I am reminded of how much of my childhood I spent loving hand drawn Disney animation.

Rhiannon (Rae): Rae is the daughter of Tiana and Naveen. I named her after Raymond the firefly. If you knew what a big comfort character my favorite cajun firefly is for me and my mom then her name will come as no surprise. She is the baker and pastry chef for Tiana’s Palace. Rae is a multi musically talented young girl she plays the ukulele, trumpet and accordion. When I first started writing for her I knew that I wanted her to be bisexual. So I turned to one of my favorite animation fun facts that I know. When Jim Cummings was first auditioning for Raymond they had him sing a song. This song that he sang is by Leon Russel and it’s called Cajun Love Song. It is also the song that he sings when he is untying Tiana and Naveen’s tongues. The song is about a girl named Alice. And part of my brain that makes these connections went perfect! That’ll be the name of her girlfriend. Rae is mostly a daddy’s girl. The relationship between her and Naveen was really what helped me refine her personality. Her comfort character is Rabbit from Winnie The Pooh. She is a gardener in her free time and that’s where she gets a majority of her fresh fruits and vegetables for her pastries and desserts. She isn’t really the best at being a princess. In fact she hates when she has to go and visit Maldonia. She doesn’t feel at home there and they won’t let her cook or bake anything at all because it’s not seen as ladylike. This is when she mostly feels like something is wrong with her. Why can’t she just do this one seemingly simple thing for her dad? When he does so much for her why can’t she do this? She learns that even though she isn’t perfect she is so very much loved that it’s ridiculous. Her family loves her so much and they’re willing to move hell or high water for her to be comfortable.

Gravity Falls: My most recent obsession (I did not have cable when the original show was being released please don’t kill me). I have recently been binging this show on Disney+ and have just started the second season. I hope to be done with it within the next week or so because I love it so much. My favorite character so far is definitely Grunkle Stan. I love his growth and development from a power hungry greedy old man to somebody that clearly loves the kids that are put under his care. Watching his adorable relationship with mother and the father son relationship with Dipper is something that is really close to my heart.

Twilight Pines: My most recent OC!! Twilight is the older sister of Mabel and Dipper and has been visiting Grunkle Stan for years prior to the start of the show. She’s used to his money scheming antics by now but she still loves her favorite Grunkle. Growing up, Twilight had a nervous stutter. She was shy, nervous a lot, socially awkward and was never really the best at dealing with other people. This made her comfort character Piglet from Winnie The Pooh. Her stutter is still there but it’s gotten a lot better!! She spent the year before the show starts at drama camp trying to get over her stutter. While it’s not gone completely it was a lot of progress. She has a really strong relationship with her caretaker for the summer because of the years that she’s spent with him in the past. Up until Mabel went with her for the summer she thought that she would be the only niece in his heart. See, after Mabel was born she took up a lot of the attention. Everyone wanted to look at the cute one instead of the nervous one. It’s just the way that life is. But during the summer she got to spend it being the favorite relative of somebody. When she notices how close Mabel and Stan are getting that’s when she knows that it’s over. She was naive to ever think that somebody would pick her as the favorite. Not when Mabel existed alongside her. It’s not that she doesn’t love Mabel because she clearly does. It’s just that well sometimes she wants to be loved and appreciated by her parents instead of constantly being sidelined. That’s why her summers with her Grunkle were so important to her. It was just three months out of the year. But for those three months working at the Mystery Shack and having all kinds of chaotic fun were the highlight of her year. She has to learn that she has her own values too. One’s that while don’t oversell her sister are still her’s and they are still beautiful. She learns that her parents love and care about her just as much as her sister. It’s just hard to be a show stealer in this house let’s be honest. Twilight is a pansexual and her canon partner is Wendy.

#OC #my hero academia #DuckTales oc #Teen Titans oc #Promare oc #Princess and the frog #Gravity Falls #master list

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ct-hardcase · 3 years

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ID: A grid with boxes labelled for each of the 12 months, with a drawing from that month in each of the boxes.

I feel like I have to add an addendum for this year because obviously, everyone's lives changed drastically and that affects the mood of the art and the artist. I got the "lack of time and motivation" end of the stick, and while I sometimes tend toward self-deprecation for this, and it's weird to see my art sort of "regress" (less fancy lighting, ambitious poses, etc.), so I'm going to take a moment to be proud of the fact that I've learned how bodies work in space better, how to more seamlessly slot two people in a picture again as opposed to it being out of place, I've gotten better at working on the head from different perspectives and action shots, and most of all, I'm still growing, despite all of this.

Thoughts about individual months under the cut:

January: I realized that, even though I branded myself with clone content originally, it'd been a while since I...drew any of the clones. I decided to change that for a short burst in January, and this is probably my favorite of the bunch: I love the vibes, tension, and me adding a highlight for the hell of it (even if the light source is a bit inconsistent). February: I drew a lot this month but I figured I'd be remiss if I didn't put at least one rwby-related piece in here. I think this is the best Penny I've drawn, but still need to work on Ruby. Either way, Nuts and Dolts won this year! March: Bar none the piece I'm the most proud of this year—I worked with a pretty intense pink palette and the fun of working that into the usually black armor as well as the background. Also, the slightly tilted up perspective was a beast, and I had to trace and then reference my own tracing in order to create something that was still consistent with my style, but I did it! I think this was the transition into what I wanted the trajectory to be for this year, and in a way, I sort of kept that going with realizing how limbs work in a space. Also, create the obscure inquisitor content you want to see in this world. April: I finally settled on a face for Eighth that I really enjoy, and also I came into my own with the beginnings of digital painting. Also, more highlights for the hell of it, which I love and will continue to incorporate into as much as I can. May: I did a few fun couple shots in May, but this one was my favorite because during this and April, I learned that I could do backgrounds without putting maximum effort into it but still add depth and interest to a space. June: I did neekaz at sunrise so tamnara at sunset felt appropriate. I got to expand on their character design and am finally starting to get better at making people organically fit together. Also, the easter egg in the image is that Synara's wearing Tam's bandana around her leg, and Tam's wearing Synara's necklace. July: I wasn't initially super proud of this when I first drew it, but audience reception helped me realize it was a step for me—once again going with the theme of having fun with lighting and relying on the lightsabers to cast light for the image. Also, create the content for obscure inquisitor duos you want to see in the world. August: Even though I'm not as into it anymore, I feel like these would feel naked without some sort of ags material on the list, so I decided to have Alex and Zee live out my fantasy of waking up next to your partner/best friend in a tent and enjoying the sunrise together. September: This month started the mother of all art block which has lasted up until this point, and also w*rk got really busy. Either way, I did make something I was proud of this month, for Voe Starwars who absolutely deserves both the world and more canon material. I like the sense of dynamic movement and the actually doing a simple background with markers! This is also probably one of my favorites from the year. October: This was also...something. I redrew an old piece because my motivation was at a low, but I ended up enjoying both it and the noise filter which I applied on top. My cycle this month though was pretty much I came home and slept though, so honestly? Still proud. November: Once again was barely able to muster the motivation to draw, so this is an art ask game, but I love the simplicity of duo-toned markers to color something. It makes it feel more polished than it is. December: I drew all of one finished thing this month. Granted, it was 23 whole characters in different positions, lined and colored in so I'm proud of that! I mostly drew this just so I could get out some concepts which all deserved their fully-finished glory, but I didn't dredge up the wherewithal to do, so I at least did something.

#art summary 2020 #art summary #long post #CTartcase

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toloveawarlord · 4 years

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Ch. 2

Characters: Elaine, Arthur x Theo, Vincent

Pairing: Elaine x Isaac (eventually)

Tagging: @plumpblueberry @lady-moonbroch

A/N: This chapter turned out nothing like the first draft XD Enjoy some Elaine spending time with her Uncle and she meets a boy!

Four days into her new job as Theo’s assistant, the mood in their home had drastically lifted. Elaine never complained and paid close attention to every task given to her, exceeding all expectations. She quoted things he’d said to her years ago and questioned smartly, craving the knowledge he had. Having her along had proved quite useful with prickly clients, smoothing over situations with a charming smile and sweet words, likely emulating Arthur.

Theo enjoyed having time with her. In recent years, they’d grown strained. The teenager wanted more freedom and broke rules in place to protect her because she believed them unnecessary. Now, at nearly eighteen in only two days, she’d fought harder. Being able to keep an eye on her put the art dealer at little more at ease.

His daughter sat across from him, glancing at him out of the corner of her vision. Elaine hadn’t taken the news that she couldn’t accompany him today well. Instead of anger, she’d pouted silently all morning.

“I take it that you aren’t happy with today’s agenda,” Arthur piped up with an amused grin not quite hidden by his cup of steaming coffee. The previous night Theo had informed him of the impending unhappy teenager.

Elaine stuffed the fork full of pancakes into her mouth, enough to make her cheeks puff out to match her frown. She’d gotten up extra early and made pancakes and extra sweet coffee, but the answer remained unchanged. Now, she wanted to drown her sorrows in syrup and butter until she got sick.

“Vincent has asked for you to help him today while I’m gone.” Theo could easily see the motive behind his brother’s sudden request. He’d promised to make her do some work instead of spoiling her the entire day.

The teenager flinched at those words. She couldn’t very well turn down her uncle, as she adored him so much. Help isn’t the word she’d choose to describe what the day would entail. He’d likely ask her to do a small task or two, nothing that required much effort. “Fine. I guess I can do that.”

Working didn’t bother her. She assisted around the house with the chores without complaint. If Comte asked, she would readily agree. It irritated her that this client wouldn’t allow her entrance to his home, prompting this sour mood. No promises of being quiet or staying outside had swayed Theo. He couldn’t risk spooking the man.

“If you find yourself in need of something to do, I can have you proofread for me.” Her grimace only made the mystery writer chuckle again. Her disdain for that job well-known. Though she enjoyed his stories, playing editor didn’t appeal to her. A tedious thing.

Theo cracked a grin, rising from the table. “You better thank Vincent for saving you from that.” One check of his watch ended the conversation. He bid his family farewell before heading into town alone.

“Are you sure you don’t want to help your Papa with his work?” Arthur teased further. He had been a tad jealous that she eagerly wanted to assist Theo over the course of the week. Ah, but he was also grateful that the two were more understanding of each other.

Elaine stacked all the empty plates to carry them to the kitchen. “I love you but no.” Her curt reply still amusing. Setting the dishes in the sink, she licked the sticky syrup off her fingers.

“Off you go then. I’ll take care of the cleanup.”

The young vampire didn’t need to be told twice. Housework didn’t appeal to her either. She did her part, pitching in when needed, but if told she didn’t have to do it... the teenager bailed as quickly as she could.

Inside the mansion, the hallways were quiet and empty. At this hour, everyone should be awake, except for Leonardo perhaps. Rapping her fist against Vincent’s door, she cast confused glances down the hallway.

“Goede morgen, Elaine,” Vincent greeted with a bright smile. He laughed softly at her confusion. Since Arthur and Theo had moved out of the mansion with her when she was only 4 years old, daily happenings didn’t reach their house as quickly as it spread through the mansion. “We’re the only ones here today.”

“I’m okay with that.” She flashed a disheartened smile, unable to shake the dark cloud hanging over her. Her normally mischievous and lively attitude disappeared. The others might have tried to make her understand. She understood perfectly fine.

That didn’t make it less saddening.

“Come here.” He’d barely open his arms and invited his niece to find comfort with him when the teenager stepped forward and accepted the warm hug. Vincent stroked his fingers through her copper hair. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but she reminded him so much of Theo when he was a child. “You know, he couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful you were on the job.”

“Really?”

It wasn’t that he hadn’t said so to her. Theo would give praise often, especially when she came up with new ideas. Telling the others about it, that was rarer.

Vincent hummed in response, a gentle smile on his lips as she peeked up at him. “I’d say he was outright bragging. I’m not surprised. You’re his daughter after all.” Placing a kiss on the top of her head, he laughed softly at her uplifted mood.

Elaine lingered a little longer before releasing him, soaking up his sunshine-like warmth. “I guess I could stop pouting about it.” Relenting her sad feelings, she sighed softly before questioning. “So, what was it you wanted my help with?”

“I finished the final painting and I thought I’d ask for your expert advice on where to put it in the gallery space. That is, if you want to.” His request was well-received with a glowing smile from his niece. Theo had mentioned that he’d given her the sole responsibility of choosing how to use the space to best showcase the art. The uncle looked forward to seeing what she’d done.

***********

The paintings on the wall were shrouded in black cloth, to hide the precious items from view until the day of the showing. Only a select few knew what was beneath, ones trusted by Theo to make this a success. Elaine had been gifted one of the only keys to venue, a testament to her importance.

“I believe I’m looking forward to this event more than any other,” Vincent commented, allowing the staff to hang the framed piece in its designated spot.

The heat in her cheeks caused the teenager to turn her gaze anywhere else. “It’s not much different from how Vader does it. I’ve been to more of these than any other event in the city.” The location changed but ever since she learned to walk, she’d been toddling around, observing, and learning how it works. Before she’d even realized, she’d begun understanding color theory and composition.

“It wasn’t too long ago that you were only a few years old and correcting patrons on the medium or style of the art. You always had this incredibly serious expression, much like Theo.”

“That was so long ago! I’m almost eighteen!”

Vincent chuckled with a loving smile. “Yes, I guess that’s right.”

The chime of the door timed perfectly with one of the staff calling to speak with Vincent. Elaine stepped away to investigate the newcomer. Violet eyes narrowed at the sight of a boy, likely no older than herself, attempting to take a peek at the portrait veiled by the black cloth. “Excuse me, but you can’t be in here.” Her tone less than polite, Elaine thrust her palms against his chest to push him away from the art piece.

“Oh, my apologies. I’ve been most curious about why there are staff entering but it’s never been open for business.” His emerald eyes filled with hidden intent that didn’t quite match the half smirk on his lips. The boy never resisted her pushing him back to the door and onto the street. “A secretive operation, I presume, miss?”

“Elaine and we don’t open for another two days.”

Her biggest fear was that he was a spy for le academia and all of her father’s hard work would go to waste if they were discovered. He didn’t fit the typical appearance of a high bred family, usually scrawny and uptight, and he wasn’t either of those things.

“I’ll have to pop in when you are open. My name is Leon Autry.” He flashed another brilliantly smug smile and winked. “Might I inquire your surname, should I have any future questions?” The reason lost on the recipient. He’d yet to ask anything relevant to the gallery.

Elaine turned on her heel to return inside. “It’s Doyle.” Even though she didn’t quite like the boy, she couldn’t risk turning away a potential buyer. Her cheeks were warm, and it wasn’t clear if it was from embarrassment or anger. The young pureblood didn’t have many friends her age, and that led to a bit of awkwardness when around humans her age.

“Ah, like the writer.”

The girl stilled, hand hovering above the door handle. Perhaps she’d heard him incorrectly.

“You might not know of him. He’s a British writer, mystery, I think.”

Or perhaps not.

“I believe it’s Arthur Conan Doyle. Any relation?” Leon asked as if he already knew the answer, like playing a game of truth or dare in order reveal a secret for confirmation.

Elaine relaxed her shoulders. Although she could hardly admit that she was indeed was the daughter of that very Arthur, albeit the vampire one, she wouldn’t allow him to glean that precious information from her. “No, but you aren’t the first to ask. But wouldn’t that be grand? Imagine being related to someone as talented as that.” Her dreamy smile fowled his for a moment.

“Imagine.” The façade of his grin had ghosted away for a split second, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Elaine, are you ready to head back?” A third party interrupted, much welcomed by the girl. Vincent approached the two, protectively a half step in front of his niece. The tension between the two children enough to worry him.

Her head bobbed once in response. “Yes, let’s go home.” The way Leon’s eyes followed her unsettled the girl. Elaine settled back on the seat in the carriage, mulling over the strange interaction. Was it so unusual for someone to draw a connection between her name and the human Arthur from this era?

Whatever the case, she now had a proper mystery on her hands.

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp theo #ikevamp vincent #ikemen vampire fanfiction #arthur and theo have a child #elaine odette doyle #truth in simplicity #isaac is coming soon i promise

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: Ezralia Vali, but all my friends call me Elv

Writing Blog URL(s): @ezralia-writes (@haylo4ever was my OG writing account 5 years ago)

Age: 19

Nationality: Asian American

Languages: English and un poco Espanol

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: INFJ

Favorite color: As of now, red

Favorite food: Pasta

Favorite movie: The Golden Compass, but Howl’s Moving Castle and The Girl Who Leapt Through Time are close choices too

Favorite ice cream flavor: Vanilla with chocolate syrup or caramel

Favorite animal: Narwhals

Go-to karaoke song: Uh, Who Do You Love (Monsta X)

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): TBH, my dream job is being a manager/CEO of a tech job (realistically) or a backup dancer for kpop groups (unrealistically)

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? Neither, hot coco (coffee in the future to keep me sane)

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Mind-read

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? Sengoku Japanese period or in England when kings and queens were bloody powerful

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? Yes

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 100 chicken-sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? Please, I wanna be in the nerdy girl and jock romance but honestly, I’m probably just the side, hermit character.

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes but I know they don’t exist

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? Uh, I talk a lot about myself but I have trypophobia - there should not be holes in things that are supposed to be whole.

What fandom(s) do you write for? As of now, I write for BTS, GOT7, NCT, Monsta X, and Stray Kids

When did you post your first piece? May 26, 2020 (Dec 7, 2014 was my OG post on ff.net haha)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write fluff, angst (lots), and sometimes crack. While I can rec some awesome smuts, I don’t feel comfortable writing explicit smut as of yet, although I will elude to some smexy time. I do have a WIP that I will one day write that will definitely include smut because it’s part of the story.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? I have some OG OCs and my starter fics on Tumblr were third-person female reader. However, recent works include x you (reader) and I find that really fun and easier to write! I don’t really write any ships for Kpop.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Having read so many awesome works on Tumblr made me want to write and hopefully have other readers experience the same feelings I do when I read that great piece. However, my original goal was just to write for Monsta X since there aren’t a whole lot of fics for them but also because I have too many ideas running in my mind. Lastly, I just write for myself.

What inspires you to write? The groups I write for, other things I read (like mangas and/or shows), and especially songs!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? I write best fluff for established relationships because otherwise it’s all just angst, which is a lot of fun to write while keeping it not too toxic unless stated otherwise for plot. I also love silly fics for giggles. As for Au’s I enjoy regular day to day life with a spin or fantasy based Au’s.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? I hope they just feel a strong emotion - depending on the genre. I hope that they get to the end and find all the nuances I try to sprinkle throughout the story hinting to clues or plot devices. That’s always what I try to aim for.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? Cry. Jokes aside, I take a break/breather to refocus and take time for myself. I also read professional works to take my mind off things or get inspired.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? My personal favorite of my published works would be my Han Jisung x reader, Promise. It was my first kpop fic and a gift to my friend. I think it’s a hallmark of my return to writing and I look forward to publishing more of my favorite plots! My most successful is Spiderling, a Jeon Jungkook x reader fic, not surprised at all that my first official BTS fic would be the most popular one of my current works haha.

Who is your favorite person to write about? Honestly, I have so many ideas for Changkyun haha. I feel like he’s totally boyfriend material and can fit different roles from a total fratboy to a soft boyfriend. But I’m trying to expand both my writing and pairings and it’s a fun challenge to write for the different boys.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? I actually do! In my honest opinion, fanfiction is work about an already established character/person/universe. It’s easier for me to think up ideas for characters already prepped because I personally get lost in the details already of thinking up terms/universes to place the story in. I have a character that’s already established and people know about without having to elaborate on those finer details.

What do you think makes a good story? Proper formatting goes a long way. While I don’t judge on grammar and spelling mistakes, it is a much smoother read if people follow basic narrative-writing skills. I feel like anyone who can embody their own style and ideas (without being discriminatory or mean), then they’ve really got me hooked.

What is your writing process like? A mess. I know a lot of people outline, and I try that sometimes. But, normally I just get straight into writing what I’ve brainstormed, maybe adding some notes for future events here and there. If I get tied up at a certain part, I make a messy line break and start another scene.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Yes. Funnily enough though, I repurpose my original storylines for fics, but if I could, I would write an original story.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? I can’t stand cliches but I WILL cry over them if they’re well-written and/or have a spin on them. So, ultimately I’m down for anything. Enemy to lovers isn’t always my favorite but @gukyi does a great job, since that’s her renowned trope.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? A lot! I have a few lovely mootz that always have something nice to say, but I would love more reader interaction! Of course, I’m a newer writer and haven’t blown up so it is to be expected that I’m a little lonely right now. I hope that’s not a long-term thing.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Who I write for. I hate to be blunt about it, but certain members and/or groups truly are more popular which is a shame at times. Plus, interacting with more mootz and authors as well as joining discord chats and networks helps by meeting new people who will interact with you and your content.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes, at times and with certain topics. We all know people will go on anon and tear anyone down for whatever reason.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Definitely! Writing for the public,(especially fanfic and reader-based fics) especially in these times, means you have to adapt and adhere to the ever-changing times. We have a role to play in how people perceive things, whether that’s regarding an IRL person or how we view others with representation.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Huh, as of now, I feel like I’m writing for myself. Without a lot of interaction, I don’t feel pressure. I do want to write for other groups, but as of now I’m trying to pick up speed with certain groups. I have a lot of WIPs, so we will see where I end up.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? Not that I know of, haha.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? No, haha.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? I love you!

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t be afraid! It’s scary, but the worst that can happen is not writing!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? HAahaha, only because the site’s interaction roles have drastically dropped and a lot of the features suck. But the people I’ve met… priceless. I love them all and a lot have impacted my life so positively.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? Yes! All of them!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

Stan yourself first! <3

#@ezralia-writes #@haylo4ever #thesunnyshow #featured author #episode 42 #bts #got7 #nct #monsta x #stray kids

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claraxbarton · 5 years

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MCU Bucky Barnes

So here’s the thing.

I’m a costume designer by trade, and one thing that I actually really love about Captain America: The Winter Soldier (okay, among the things I love) is the costume design and the rhetorical value given to the clothes and, well, costumes in this movie.

For example - when Sam and Steve have their heart to heart on the bridge that ends with Sam saying “but he doesn’t even know you” and Steve saying “he will” before going to steal his old uniform - the one Bucky last saw him in when he was Bucky. There are some other great costume points in this movie, actually a LOT of them (costumes, not wigs, don’t at me because I KNOW).

But one thing that has always stood out to me, and not in a good way, is the “I’m with you til the end of the line” flashback.

Now, here’s the thing, it’s not JUST about the clothes. We’re in MCU verse, so it’s MCU canon - obviously, the Steve and Bucky duo is drastically different in Marvel comics canon so - and Bucky starts this scene by saying his folks wanted to give Steve a ride to the cemetery.

Which is super cool and nice. So one, we know Bucky’s dad is still alive - and his mom, but two, we know they have a car.

So this is supposed to be when Steve is around 16? So it’s... 1936 (according to MCU wiki it totally is)

So cars.

Crazy popular ever since they started having closed bodies and all that. BUT, were they crazy popular in CITIES in 1936? Especially in the middle of the Great Depression?

There’s some evidence that actually no, that car ownership in a city like NYC was something like 1 car per every 43 people. Then again, looking at the NYC.gov 2015 Mobility Report we see that the population of NYC in 1936 is something like 7.2 million, and the number of registered vehicles in 764,000... or roughly one per every 9.4-ish persons. Which is a pretty drastically different number. This doesn't, of course, account for taxis or fleet cars being registered - so the number might seem inflated. I still think it’s probably something closer to 1 car per every 20 than every 43 but... I’m too lazy to dig that much deeper at the moment. Plus I'm sick, which is fueling this in the first place.

So, anyway you slice it, Bucky’s family was in 11%, 5% or 2.33% of New Yorkers who own cars in 1936. Which says something, I think, about Bucky Barnes that we don’t always - ever? - think of in fandom.

I’m not going to say that Bucky Barnes was loaded. Maybe his family owned a garage or a grocery store or a delivery service or a funeral home...?? or something. So, the vehicle could be occupational as opposed to private usage - but either way it’s a statement. Bucky’s family has money and/or Bucky’s family has steady employment.

I’ve been there. I’ve read the fics where Bucky works at the docks to put Steve through art school and get him his medicine. I love those fics. I love that head canon.

But I... don’t think it’s realistic in light of some evidence showing us that, actually, Bucky wasn’t doing too badly for himself.

Let’s now actually look at CLOTHING. Here’s the whole scene via youtube, if you want to follow along with what is about to get RIDICULOUS.

Actually, before I dive in, who is the costumer for this movie? And should I be like... reading into all this as much as I am?

Judianna Makovsky - fellow New Jersey..Ian?ite?no clue - 3 time Oscar nominee and designer of 5 MCU films and a lot of other big budget movies, including quite a few period pieces dealing with issues of race and class (The Legend of Bagger Vance, Seabiscuit, The Little Princess.. and also like Harry Potter and The Quick and the The Dead.) So, should I have some faith in Judianna Makovsky’s designs? I’m gonna go with yeah, yeah I should.

So, back to the movie. The scene.

This is post funeral. We’re in 1936. As a general rule, the dress, colors and style of mourning wear was pretty much formalized in the early Victorian era. There was a great - read PHENOMENAL - exhibit at the MET a few years back on Mourning-wear and I’m still reeling from how lovely everything was - but the gist of it is this: you wore black when someone died. If you were a lady, and especially if you were a rich lady, you then went through a few different colors (dull black to SHINY black to purple/mauve and gray and white and then back to color within six months to one year). By the 1930s only the really rich were sticking to the actual rules of mourning - or like, really old people. And, of course, really old rich people. Really old rich WHITE people. Because it needs to be said: these are WHITE customs. I'm not saying people of other ethnicities didn’t follow them, but these are basically British Victorian practices that were assimilated into American culture.

I’m not going to go off on a huge sidebar about American fashion following in French dressmaking and British tailoring, but I need to say at least that much. Everyone who was anyone knew you got your dresses made in France or in the French style and you got your suits made in England - Savile Row in specific. I am NOT implying Bucky’s got himself an English suit, fyi. I just... have to be thorough.

BACK TO THE SCENE:

We’ve got our boy Steve. STEVE. Who just buried Sarah Rogers and what is he wearing...?

For starters, he’s wearing a windbreaker, check out the 1933 ad below, he’s the guy almost giving us the Fonz finger gesture, or maybe guy in the fedora on the end.

This thing isn’t falling apart at the seams, but it’s a very nondescript not really gray, not really blue - maybe was at one point. It also doesn’t FIT Steve. It also, in the ad above, would cost about $165.40 in today’s money.

My guess? It’s Bucky’s old windbreaker. Because it’s not cheap and because it’s just a bit too big on Steve.

He’s also wearing a shirt that is maybe tan? And a brown tie and maybe - MAYBE black trousers. And if those trousers are black, it’s the only black thing he’s wearing. Not even a black tie, or a black arm band (which I’m pretty sure - but also pretty aggressively atheist so I don’t know - the Catholic Church would have provided for chief mourners and pall bearers right?). We also have our depressing as all shit Depression surroundings to clue us in: Steve Rogers ain’t loaded. Steve Rogers is poor as dirt. Side note: boys. Hiding a key under the ONE FUCKING BRICK on a walkway is not like... a smart idea???

So we can guess a few things here, we can guess that Steve and Sarah were really struggling - this checks out with the rest of MCU canon (wearing newspapers stuffed in his shoes, even when he had nothing he had Bucky, etc.) - and that all money probably went towards Steve’s numerous ailments, food and then the TB medication or treatment, as it was, that was available to Sarah.

We can maybe guess that Steve and Sarah weren’t very religious -but I don’t feel qualified to impart anything except my own agenda here so I’m not taking that stance. But like, real talk, not even an arm band??

But, well, let’s move on to the point of this whole long ass thing anyway?

Then we go to Mr. Barnes, looking dapper AF. Also, hey, check out this ad from 1933 featuring... pretty much exactly what Bucky is wearing down to the god-damn two-tone shoes:

If you’re curious, yeah $24.98 in 1936 is $475.44. I'm not suggesting Bucky Barnes went out and bought a brand new suit for Steve’s mother’s funeral - for one thing, this ad is from 1933. BUT, that suit fits Bucky. Quite well, and it’s in good shape. He’s also sporting that super stylish mid-late 30s into 40s deeply angled collar shirt - as is our dude up in the ad - and so we know these clothes are at least new-ish. We also can see that the suit is definitely of the mid-30s moving into the boxy silhouette of the later 30s and early 40s and NOT the look of the 20s and early 30s, which has an almost bell-bottom fullness to the legs instead of our straight-leg here (though we can debate nuance if you want to hit up my DMs.)

I should note, Bucky’s shirt is not bright and pristine white - it’s kind of grayish? And I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be an old-timey sepia thing or an indication that Bucky can’t afford to... bleach a white shirt? So that’s an odd choice for sure because we’re still in an age when a crisp, white collar shirt means something (Hey, if you want to hear me go on about the democratization of men’s fashion via shirt collars and 19th century Victorian suits, let me know because I am READY).

All this is to say: I don’t think Bucky Barnes is a poor dock worker. I think Bucky Barnes of MCU canon. Okay, so the MCU wiki on Bucky/The Winter Soldier is an actual mess (because it tells us that Sarah died in 1936 and that’s FINE but I’m not going back to change my math because I’m SICK so just... I went back and changed it. She died in 1936. Fine. The damn wiki also says that “a year later, during their art class, Barnes and Rogers found out that the United States of America had joined World War II. Which, like, I’m sick, but there are a few years between 1936 and December 8 1941... just... I’m no rocket doctor but...

ANYWAY. Bucky is a three time YMCA welterweight boxing champion by this “year later”/ 1941-1942. He and Steve are also in an ART CLASS together. Bucky also trained Steve in boxing at Goldie’s gym before the two of them went to enlist - Steve rejected and Bucky, again quoting MCU wiki, “drafted” (which I'm gonna take to mean he didn’t try to enlist when Steve got rejected, they went home and Bucky got called up later but... hey, who knows?!).

So, I can’t easily find the prices of gym memberships in NYC in the 1930s right now because I don’t feel like wading through all of the articles complaining about Equinox pricing in 2019. But I do know that part of Roosevelt’s WPA (Works Progress Administration) building projects included building more public gyms - as well as libraries, auditoriums, pools, parks etc. Check out your local public buildings - if they are WPA projects they will have a cool plaque like my local NJ library does! All that is to say, there were free or very cheap PUBLIC options where Bucky could have trained Steve.

Bucky trained Steve in a private gym. Do I like to think that this is the same gym Steve and America’s ass are working out in in The Avengers? Yes, Yes I do. Do I like to think that Steve likes to box because it reminds him of Bucky? Yes, yes I do.

But moving on: it’s another sign of wealth.

So is this “art class.” Whether we are in 1937 or 1941 - we’re still in the Depression. Steve still has all of his health issues and presumably accompanying “medication” (wanna talk 1930s medicine? Again, slide into my DMs or shoot me an ask). So Steve either has a side job making enough to cover all of that, rent? and enrollment in an art class.

OR maybe Steve is teaching the art class and Bucky is his model for life drawing instruction (yeah, it’s a fic bunny I’m sharing with the world).

OR maybe... Bucky is paying the rent and other things or Steve is living with Bucky and can afford the class and meds... somehow or...

OR I'm not saying that Steve is Bucky’s kept man because Steve Rogers would punch anyone who dared to say such a thing.

All I’m saying is, Bucky Barnes was not a poor dude. Bucky Barnes... had some money.

And also I’m about to be late for my doctor’s appointment so I gotta run.

At me with your thoughts!

#Bucky barnes #James Buchanan barnes #winter soldier #Steve rogers #captain america #marvel #mcu #meta #head-canon #costume design #character thoughts

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not-close-to-straight · 4 years

Text

Summer Nights (Four)

The boys work through their angst and we get a tiny moment of hopeful softness and then the “There Are Worse Things I Could So” scene which I love very much.

MASTERLIST HERE

*******************

It was surprisingly easy to not see someone at Andover High. There were just enough back hallways to never have to see someone between classes, just enough round about pathways to skip the popular hang out spots on the green, just enough adjacent buildings to duck behind so if avoidance was the goal, it was easy enough to attain.

Which was good, because Tony did not want to see Steve.

He didn’t want to see Steve in the hall when class let out, he didn’t want to see Steve lounging around on the quad with the girls or with Thor or with Peter because somehow even after a break up, Peter and Steve were so all around great that they managed to still be friends and spend hours together.

I never would have loved this Tony Stark.

The words echoed in Tony’s mind over and over every time he put on his leather jacket, every time he picked up the phone and it was Loki calling, every time he lit a cigarette and skipped class to sit on the bleachers and sulk.

I never would have loved this Tony Stark.

Winter break was spent wallowing in self pity, the next several weeks at school were spent perfecting the art of never being in the same area of Steve ever and when Valentines Day came around, Tony didn’t even go to school, unable to stomach the thought of seeing all the red hearts and pink lace.

Sam and Pepper had been caught kissing and now Sam was completely insufferable, Clint somehow always had a girlfriend this time of year and disappeared for a few weeks while he tried to guarantee a Valentines Day snuggle, and even though Carol and Valkyrie weren’t exactly dating, they’d been spending an awful lot of time cuddled up close together and Tony didn’t want to have to watch it.

Thor spent quite a bit of time with Steve, so Tony didn’t ever see him, and Natasha still hadn’t made up her mind between Bruce and Bucky, so Tony only saw her the weekends she and Bucky were hanging off each other.

Tony was lonely and he was miserable so he tuned out most of the group’s drama and focused on his running, hitting the track every chance he got and trying to run the angst out.

“You’re still at it, huh?” Coach Lee leaned over the fence as Tony jogged by on the track field one muddy spring ay “Thought for sure Christmas Break would cure you of the habit, but you just kept showing up for practice. Good for you.”

“I decided I needed to change, so I’m trying to change.” Tony checked his mile time and smiled a little when he saw how much faster it was now. “Want to have something better to show for high school than barely passing classes and putting grease in my hair.”

“That’s fair.” Coach allowed, and then, “Still motivated by love or a lack there of? You’re out here running like you’re trying to escape a broken heart.”

“Maybe. But um, I think it’s more important that I change for me.” Tony felt like an idiot for even saying that sorta thing out loud, but Coach Lee had never been anything other than completely supportive, so he cleared his throat and clarified, “I mean yeah, the person I lo-- people have said they don’t really approve of who I’ve been and at first that just made me mad but--but then I realized I was pretty ashamed of who I’ve been too and that’s not great.”

“Definitely not great.” Coach Lee agreed. “So. Gonna letter in track and that’s enough of a change?”

“Lettering in track is a start.” Tony said with a hesitant smile. “And it looks good on college applications, right?”

“That it does, son.” the Coach stared out over the field as Tony stretched, and then reached into his duffle bag and tossed the kid a jacket. “There. Now you got something to put that letter on at the end of the year. Get a couple events under your belt and you’ll be good to go.”

“Thanks, Coach.” Tony felt an unexpected burst of pride as he clutched the red and white jacket, the red stitched letters ‘Stark’. “This is kinda of amazing.”

“See you at practice, son.”

**************

“So you haven’t talked to Tony since the Winter Formal?” Thor very very carefully snipped at the ends of Steve’s hair. Nothing more than a trim, he had promised and since he desperately wanted to avoid another incident like the one with Carol’s hair, every single snip was completely methodical. “Not even once over Spring Break?”

“Not even once over Spring Break.” Steve said dully, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to look at himself in the mirror. “I wanted to call him, but I know he wouldn’t pick up, not after everything I said to him. I was so mean to him, Thor. I said some really awful things.”

“Which he probably deserved.” Thor pointed out. “And after he spent the rest of the dance slutting it up with Loki, he definitely deserved it.”

“I don’t know if I believe that.” Steve muttered. “Loki or not, I was pretty terrible to him.”

“Welllll….” Thor changed the subject as he switched out his scissors for the set of clippers. “What about Peter? You aren’t dating him either? What happened there?”

“The only person I want is Tony.” Steve held his breath when the clippers went a little too close to his ears, and relaxed again once they moved away. “And trust me, I know that it’s stupid. Tony was so sweet to me last summer and then so awful to me and I know the girls were trying to comfort me when they told me he was the same way with Natasha, but all it did was make me realize how different I am from who Tony normally goes after.”

“You are very different from Loki, that’s for sure.” Thor combed through Steve’s hair, checking for uneven strands. “Did you know they and I are siblings? Well, step siblings anyway. Sort of. My dad and their mom got married a while ago and then separated later that same year. Loki moved back with his mom and now we go to different schools. They have always been ridiculous, but I can promise they are mostly harmless. One day Loki wears dresses and acts like they’re gagging for a--”

“THOR!” Steve blanched and Thor grinned.

“--and other days they were suits and turn their nose up at everyone. You cannot take them too seriously, and I promise whatever they and Tony had is nothing more than--”

“--please don’t say sex.”

“--it’s nothing more than nothing.” Thor finished and patted Steve on the shoulder. “Yes, you are different than the people Tony has been with but isn’t that good? He changed completely to be with you, doesn’t that mean it’s true love?”

“I’m more inclined to believe it was easy for Tony to lie to me for a few months and then go back to being this the rest of the year.” Steve smoothed his fingers through his hair to check the length.

“Steve, I’ve seen Tony when he lies, and he isn’t lying with you.” Thor said confidently. “Lying is what he does when he pops that stupid collar on his jacket and pours all that grease into his hair and laughs all the time. With you he doesn't even fidget, just stares at you and smiles and acts like every word you say is the most important thing he’s ever heard.”

“I’m glad your hair is growing out again.” Steve sproinged one of Thor’s blonde curls, smiling over the hot pink still at the ends. “And yeah, Tony looks at me like that but that doesn’t mean-- it doesn’t mean he’s being honest.”

“Eh.” Thor shrugged. “I’d think it’s the only time he’s being honest. Everything he ever said with Loki or Natasha was a line, which is fine cos everything they say is a line too. But I didn’t see Tony like that with you, not even for those few days you guys were back together.”

“...I miss him.” Steve was absolutely mortified when tears came to his eyes, and he dropped his face into his hands. “Oh my god. I hate that I miss him, Thor. When does that stop?”

“When you stop loving him.” Thor said matter of factly and Steve groaned out loud.

“I can’t do that. I can’t stop. Peter is a perfectly good boyfriend but he asked me out again and I said no. I want Tony, I’m hopelessly devoted to him and I hate it but I can’t do anything about--”

Steve stopped when he caught a peek of the hair styles magazine open on Thor’s dresser, a model with blond hair shaved along the sides of his head and then left a little longer on top so it fell into his eyes.

“Steve?” Thor prompted. “You hate it but what?”

“Um, Tony likes a certain look, right?” Steve felt along the pleats of his khakis, played with the neatly done buttons of his dress shirt, messing with his now perfectly trimmed hair. “He likes something a little more edgy?”

Thor narrowed his eyes curiously and Steve clarified, “This last summer we ran around in just t shirts and shorts, but at school he and the rest of his gang-- leather jackets, slick hair, all that? Natasha has that look down and Loki has that sort of look too. Maybe I should change how I look? Oxfords and khakis aren’t exactly sexy.”

“I’m sure it depends on who you talk to.” Thor said kindly. “Someone out there probably thinks pleats are sexy.”

“Not Tony, though.” Steve countered. “And he’s the only one I care about. And um-- well, at the dance he told me that just because he wears leather jackets now doesn’t mean that he isn’t still him and I was too upset to listen but he’s right, isn’t he? Our clothes don’t make us us anymore than past actions make everything current a lie, right?”

Thor followed Steve’s line of sight until he saw the magazine, and a smile curved around his lips. “What exactly are you thinking, Steve?”

“I’m not sure yet.” Steve admitted. “But I’ll definitely need some help with it. Will you help me?”

“You could probably just talk to Tony and avoid anything drastic.” Thor pointed out helpfully. “He might not pick up when you call, but if you went to him at school he wouldn't walk away.”

“I’m going to talk to him.” Steve ran his fingers over the model’s picture, from the startling haircut to the open jacket and tight pants. “But actions speak louder than words, right? I’ll say what needs to be said, but I think I should do something like this too. What do you think?”

“I think you’ll give him a heart attack.” Thor studied the picture for a minute. “I’ll start practicing this haircut on my mannequin.”

“Uh yes please, definitely practice. Thank you.”

*************

“So I’m thinking flames going up right here.” Tony wiped his hands on a rag and tracked them up the side of the car. “Maybe silver cos it would look awesome against the hot rod red, you know? I think we should do fins. I know it’s a little old fashioned but damn what a classic look. And then maybe even some--”

“Slow down, Tony.” Bucky fixed the steering wheel into place and checked to be sure it was set tight. “We need money for all that extra shit. Right now I’m just happy this beauty runs.”

“She runs like a champ too.” Tony patted the hood of the car with an admiring smile. “You gonna take her down to race this weekend?”

“Hell yeah I am.” Bucky grunted. “She’s gonna be as hot as the parts on her, you know what I mean?”

“Old man Pierce ever figure out it was you stealing pieces right the hell off his car?” Tony rubbed at a scratch on the passenger door. “He’s gonna be mad if he recognizes his car door as you roll down the street.”

“Pretty sure old man Pierce is one of them bona fide Nazi’s that came over here after the war.” Bucky snorted. “He deserves to have pieces stolen off his car. Besides, I really needed a horn.”

Bucky pressed at the steering wheel and the prettied up car said, “Ah-wooga!” and Tony clapped his hands in excitement. “And so what if the fucker recognizes his horn, what’s he gonna do, wave his cane at me as I drive away? Screw him.”

“Hell yeah.” Tony pulled a gauge from his back pocket and checked the tire pressure one last time. “Who you goin’ up against on the track?”

“Who th’hell you think?”

“Bruce Wayne?” Tony hazarded a guess and Bucky only scowled. “You gonna go fight for Tasha? What’s going on with you two anyway, one day she’s with you and the next she’s with Bruce? You really want her that bad?”

“Says you, currently trying to letter in track to impressed Stevie Do Right.” Bucky retorted. “How is me racing to show up th’guy getting handsy with my girl any different than Tony Stark turning jock to get into pleated pants?”

“Yeah, alright.” Tony had to smile at that. “I didn’t know you knew about me running track.”

“I’m your best friend, Tony.” Bucky said flatly. “I knew when you peed your pants in kindergarten cos I made you laugh too hard, I knew when you had that weird crush on the sixth grade teacher cos you pretended it was cool to wear your jacket over your front when really you were trying to hide awkward boners. You think I don’t know when you’re goddamn skipping out on helping me with my car cos you went out for the team? Why didn’t you just tell me about it?”

“I dunno, seemed like something I needed to do by myself.” Tony shrugged a little. “Guess I was scared if everyone knew, Steve might think it was just a play. He already thinks I lied to him about everything last summer, no reason to make him think I’m lying about trying to change. Figured coming back around after I’ve changed would be better.”

“You weren’t lying to him last summer?”

“Bout as much as you’re lying when you call Tasha your girl.”

“That’s fair.” Bucky hopped into the drivers seat and put the key in the ignition, a grin splitting his face when the engine turned over with a low growl. “Oooh man, listen to her purr.”

“You think she’s ready to race?” Tony slid into the passenger side and tapped the bright red star Bucky had mounted to the glove box.

“Only one way to find out.” Bucky tipped his head back and smirked. “You gonna ride with me, Tony? Be my second?”

“Your second?” Tony laughed out loud. “You’re my sidekick, damn it.”

“Oh ho, the hell I am.”

**************

The school was buzzing with news of the upcoming race, people gossiping about what it would mean for Natasha if Bruce won, if the sort of combined gangs would splinter apart if their self assigned leaders broke up for good.

There were rumours Tony would be in the car with Bucky, a move that could very well slow the car down and jeopardize the race all together. Added weight could cause Bucky to over correct around a corner, or tip on the steep sides fo the canal, or be the different between clearing a bump or destroying the fender over a too large rock.

And of course Inevitably the questions turned towards Steve. Was Tony trying to prove something by going along with Bucky? How did Steve feel about Tony diving even deeper into his bad boy persona by getting involved in racing? Surely Steve would stop caring for Tony now that he’s seen Tony wouldn’t be changed?

Steve tried his best to ignore it, looked away from Scott when he came running up with even more gossip, smiled at Peter when the quarterback came to ask if he was okay, and made quiet plans with Thor that none of the others knew about.

On race day Steve posted up outside Tony’s locker and waited for the brunette to come down the hall with Bucky, both talking excitedly about the last minute changes they’d made to the car, about the paint job, about the spoiler they’d taken from old man Pierce’s car just last night and--

--”Steve.” Tony stopped in his tracks when he saw Steve waiting. “What um-- what are you doing here? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Steve couldn’t help smiling at Tony’s concern. “But could I talk to you a minute? In private?”

He glanced up at Bucky, who put both hands up and backed off to give them some space. “I know you have the race soon, don’t worry, I won’t keep you long.”

“It’s okay.” Tony swallowed and folded his arms, then unfolded them, smoothed his hair down, then fidgeted at his jacket, shuffled his feet and refolded his arms and cleared his throat at least half a dozen times. “What’s up? You alright? I haven’t even hardly seen you and um--” he swallowed again. “You look great, Steve.”

“You look great too.” Steve’s blue eyes sparked enough to make Tony’s heart pound. “I just wanted to ask you--”

“--Anything!” Tony blurted, then covered his mouth and shook his head. “Sorry, sorry, go ahead.”

“Did you--” Steve took in a deep breath, trying not to let his voice crack. “Did you only call me once? Just once?”

“...what?”

“You said you called me.” Steve said quickly, trying to get the words out before he lost his nerve. “Did you really only call me once and then give up?”

“No.” Tony whispered. “Oh my god no, Steve. I called you twice a day, every day for at least a week before someone picked up and told me you didn’t live there, that I had the wrong number.”

“Twice a day every day?” Steve echoed and Tony repeated emphatically, “Twice a day every day. All I wanted to do was talk to you again.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded. “Okay, thank you. That’s all I needed.”

“That’s all you--” Tony spread his hands helplessly. “What?”

“For the record?” Steve was already backing away, his books clutched to his chest and his eyes wide and more than a little vulnerable. “All I wanted to do was talk to you again, too. And I promise— I promise I didn’t know we were moving. It happened so fast and it was a company who moved us and it was probably the cleaning lady that answered the phone. I’m sorry Tony. And I’m sorry for what I said at the dance.”

“I believe you, and I’m sorry too.” Tony bit at his lip before adding quietly, “Are you going to come watch me race, Steve?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Steve smiled shyly and Tony had to force himself to quiet an excited whoop. “I’ll be there and maybe I’ll see you after?”

“Yeah yeah yeah, sounds good.” Tony knew his grin was almost goofy but he didn’t care. He didn’t know why Steve had suddenly shown up and wanted to talk or why the question was about how many times Tony had called, but he didn’t care about that either.

All he cared about was Steve had smiled at him again.

“Can I come out?” Bucky poked his head around the corner. “You look like a dumbass right now.”

“I don’t care.” Tony threw his books into his locker and kicked the door shut. “I don’t care how stupid I look, I think me and Steve are finally gonna figure this out. Let’s go burn some rubber and get your girl back so I can talk to Steve.”

Neither Bucky nor Tony saw Natasha duck back into the girls restroom as they went running past, but when Steve came back down the hall to get to the library to return a book a few minutes later, he turned the corner and right into Natasha, knocking the little red head down.

“Oh, Tasha.” Steve dropped his books and scrambled to help her up. “I’m so sorry, I really didn’t see you! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Natasha shoved a few of the spilled things back into her purse and pulled away from Steve. “I’m fine, just leave me alone.”

“Right, right, sorry, I just haven’t even seen you in a while, I’ve been sort of avoiding everyone and I thought you were out with Bruce--” Steve stopped when he picked up a small box Natasha had missed, his eyes widening when he saw the label, the little white stick with a plus sign in the window. “Natasha?”

“Give me that.” Natasha snatched it back and dropped it in her bag. “Those things are expensive and I’d really like to not have to buy another one.”

“Hey, um--” Steve hesitated. “Are you--”

“Am I what?” Natasha had obviously been crying, and now she wiped at a few tears as they spilled down her cheeks. “Am I what, Steve?”

“...are you okay?” Natasha was always such a bitch, but Steve took her hand anyway and led her over to the stairs, sitting down behind the cover of a big potted plant. “Tasha, are you okay?”

“Um--” Natasha sniffed and dug a few tissues out. “I um--” she shook her head, cleared her throat. “There’s worse things I could do, you know.”

“Worse things than--” Steve didn’t want to say it, and Natasha waved him with an irritated huff, explaining, “Worse things I could do than have a couple boyfriends I mean. People act like I’m some sort of hooker because I’ve slept around? Please. There’s worse I could do.”

Steve stayed quiet and Natasha sniffed again, dabbing at her red nose. “I could just be a tease, right? One of those girls that dresses slutty and bats my eyes and lets everyone hold me real close and then tells them to take a cold shower cos I’m not interested. Sure, it’s their right to say no and everything, but no one likes them. It’s a wasted effort after some point.”

“And oh god, I could be like you.” Natasha blew her nose loudly. “How many pair of pleated pants can one person own Steve? Would it kill you to undo a button at your neck? I bet you’re one of those that takes cold showers at night too because warm water is too arousing and--” Natasha broke down into tears and Steve automatically wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “--shit I’m sorry, I don’t really mean that. I’m so messed up right now but god Steve you’re so nice I can’t even hate your khakis!”

“Tasha--”

“I wish I was strong enough to leave boys that don’t give a shit about me.” she whispered then, and Steve held her a little tighter. “Tony destroyed you, I watched it happen, but what did you do? You went and dated the quarterback, and when Tony screwed up his second chance you walked away again. I wish I could walk away from people who don’t give a damn.”

“You know I won’t even go to the race today?” Natasha’s lip curled in self disgust. “I broke up with Bruce a couple weeks ago but was too embarrassed to ask Bucky to take me back and he hasn’t asked me to come back, so I’m not going to the race. Seeing both ex boyfriends when neither of them want me? I’d probably cry and I definitely can’t do that. No thank you. I cannot cry in front of them, that might really be the worst thing I could do.”

She hung her head, hair falling into her face. “You should go though. You definitely have better things to do than sit here and listen to me complain. Tony’s been miserable without you, you know. And he’s not as bad as everyone says. Sure he’s sort of an asshole but all boys are. He treated me right when we were together and I’ve never seen him half as in love as he is with you.”

“...are you sure you’re alright.” Steve asked quietly. “Because I won’t leave if you aren’t.”

“I’ll be fine.” Natasha tried for a smile. “Besides, the test is um-- it’s probably not actually positive, right? Those things are wrong all the time.”

“I wouldn’t know?” Steve whispered apologetically. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s fine, I’m fine, go on, go get to the race.” Natasha pushed and shoved at Steve until he finally got up. “I’m fine. Go away, I’ve had my fill of goody two shoes for the day.”

“Natasha--”

“Go!” She snapped and Steve startled, backing away quickly. “God, just leave me--” Natasha’s eyes widened when a couple girls came around the corner, staring at her and then at her purse and whispering furtively. “Oh wonderful. The whole school’s gonna know now.”

Steve looked like he was going to say something else and Natasha held up her hand, shaking her head. “Please. Please just go.”

The moment Steve was gone, Natasha pulled the pregnancy test back out of her purse and stared down at the plus sign, before bursting into tears all over again.

What the hell was she going to do?

************

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palettepainter · 4 years

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(IMPORTANT UPDATES) Look back at 2019

Big changes for 2020! Hey there everyone! 2019 has come and gone, another year passed and a new chance for me to try and improve myself when the new year starts! As far as I know me and my family don’t have plans to celebrate New Years other then of course spending time together, but I want to post this now just so that it’s out of the way it’s posted and I won’t have to worry about. If I can be honest, 2019 towards the last few months of the year has been a real punch in the face..multiple punches. I’ve broken off connections with people who treated me wrongly in the past, had random breakdowns at school (don’t worry they weren’t seriously bad), had trouble with siblings - it’s been overall, a very up and down year for me, but sadly towards the end and in the running up to Christmas, it was mostly down. But hey, 2020 means the start of a new year and a new chance to grow stronger as a person and an artist!..Seriously though 2020, please be kind to me- As you can probably from what’s in the title, there are going to be a few big changes to my characters and stories going into 2020. I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot ever since mid August, it’s been something I’ve mentioned to one or two people, but ultimately I had to make the choice. And now with 2019 gone and done and 2020 being the opportunity to start fresh, I think it’s a good time to make these announcements. I understand that this may upset a few of you and yes it is going to make things a bit confusing for my NGAU, but this is my choice and I’m confident that making this choice will lead to me being much more happier with what I make. 🔸I will not be continuing my Zoophobia: Next Generation book series To anyone new who doesn’t know what I mean, Zoophobia: Next Generation was a book series I started back in December 2018, which included my own NG’s and one or two OC’s from the fandoms Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel. Since the first book the series has since gained a lot of attention on Wattpad, and believe me when I say that I am truly grateful for how much positive attention the series got! It was my first time ever writing something on my own and it felt really special to know so many of you liked what I was doing! But as the series went on, I slowly began to loose my drive to continue writing. This is something I’ve admitted to close friends, but now that I’m older and I’m more aware of errors in writing and certain ways in which writing can be written to be better, I realise that the series isn’t up to my current standards. The story itself isn’t one that I’m proud of, and as my first book series, I feel like I was biting off more then I could chew when I first started writing this series. Ive realised that the story line I had in mind would be too hard to work into both Zoophobia and Hazbin Hotel without me having to make very big changes to either of those fandoms current stories and/or certain characters personalities, and though yes it is my own AU so if I wanted I could change the characters to fit better with my story, but honestly, I don’t want to change the characters. The characters from Zoophobia and HH I absolutely adore and there isn’t much I want changed about them, so I don’t want to alter the characters drastically to the point where they become an entirely different character. The main drive of the story with the main characters didn’t pick up till around the second book, and when I first started writing, the story line wasn’t even finished, I was just going with the flow and linking one thing to the other, hoping people would like it just as much as I did at the time. And lastly, this is probably the biggest reason why I’m no longer going to be continuing the series, but the first couple of chapters of the first book where too heavily inspired by another book series: I don’t want to continue to create something, when I feel as if it’s been too heavily based around someone else’s work. I want to create my own stuff and I feel as though the first book just isn’t that, it’s not my own work, and that’s leaded to me viewing the first book as my least favourite. This means that from now going forward, any events that took place in the book series is now no longer cannon. Some headcannons will be changed and altered due to this, for one Eve’s Headcannon will be changing as she will now most likely be alive in my NGAU now, so the stories I had planned for her such and the stories I already posted are no longer cannon either: I will say also that this also counts for my Eve X Hatchet NG Diego, he will remain cannon and will most likely be alive also. As for the characters that where involved in the books such as Lucy, Maggot and Bumbuss, I’ll figure out what to do with them. I defiantly want to keep Lucy as she was the very first OC I ever made for the Zoophobia fandom that wasn’t a NG, but I’m unsure on what to do with Maggot and Bumbuss. As much as I now don’t enjoy the series, it was fun to write while it lasted, and I cannot stress enough how grateful I am too everyone who ever read, liked, or commented on the series! But from now on, I won’t be returning to the series. I held off on announcing this and the reason it took me so long to decide this was because I didn’t want to leave you guys without a conclusion to the story, the series was only one book away from completion and I didn’t want to cut off the series so close to it being finished. But again, the book series isn’t something I enjoy anymore, so I hope all of you can understand and will hopefully look forward to the further projects I have planned 🔸New books to come Though my main book series will now be ending, I have a lot of ideas for new book series. Since the second and third book I had been having ideas for stories that could take place after the series, and the reason I kept doing the series for as long as I did was because I really wanted to start work on the stories that would take place after the series was finished. One of my goals for the new year is to try and push out more stories and book series for you guys, I feel like I’ve defiantly been lacking in the story department, mostly because I couldn’t find any ideas for illustrations to go with the story, and because I always felt too tired to ever finish any stories or illustrations. None of these story ideas yet have fully scripted out story lines, so far they’re just ideas and until I can get a script done for them, I won’t be starting work on them. I want these books to be as great and they can be, and not only do I want to make something that I can be proud of, but something that you guys will enjoy as much as I do. These ideas are in no particular order, and I haven’t decided if I’ll defiantly be doing all of these just yet, but here are some ideas I’ve had for books/book series for the future: -A book with my NG Box explaining her past before she came to live with Ribbon -A book with my OC Willem and how he discovers another hybrid like himself -Nidra’s story as she grows up to accept a new family, while letting a beloved friend go to persue their own life -Junior reapers: a story/series of stories involving Lotus, Charcoal, Parfait and Rae as they go on a quest to become junior reapers Maybe a MHA + Dragonous story *Dragonous is a Villainous dragon AU created by shabiest (Instagram), I will need to get permission from them if I want to write a book with this AU* Recently I got into My Hero Academia, and you can all blame that on my cousin When I first saw the series I kinda rolled my eyes at it, I’ve never really been a big anime fan the style never grabbed me when I was younger: and all I can say is that I should defiantly have given the series a try sooner MHA is a series I’ve come too really enjoy and love, I love the characters the story the dialogue, everything about this show! I’ve said this before but what I love about the show is how it’s great at showing us a large range of characters without straying too far from the main plot, and how this show makes me feel: there have been times where this show has had me emotionally frustrated, sad and happy, and if a show or a movie can make me feel a powerful emotion (angry sad or other), then I’m down for it. I’ve since made a few OC’s for the fandom, and I’ve been thinking about making a book about it. It’s not scripted out yet, and some of my ideas play into some events in season 4 - but if you guys enjoy MHA and you enjoy my OC’s, please let me know your thoughts! And Dragonous, a Villanious AU I’ve come to adore! I’ve always been a big fan of dragons, they where my favourite mythical creature growing up! (And still are to this day), with the creators permission I’d like to create a book with the few OC’s I’ve made, this one may not happen because again I need permission, but tell me your thoughts! Merch Again, something I’ve mentioned before, and something I’ve been really wanting to do! Me and my dad have made a shirt design with one of my OC’s, so far it’s only black and white (we’ve decided to go simple black and white since it’s my first time making merch), and hopefully if all goes well we can start to make more colourful merch However this all depends on you guys: I may be opening up commissions in the future, though I can’t say when, but this will depend on you: I have a PayPal and a KoFi if you guys wish to support me and my work (no pressure though!), every little bit counts and it would mean so much to me if you guys would consider supporting me and my work, even if it’s something as small as a pound! 🔸Collabs/art trades/design trades/RP’s There’s nothing really big to say about these things, but I have decided that from now on that I will only do these kinds of things with close friends.

Finally, I want to say a big BIG thank you to everyone who has stuck around on this crazy train ride to support me. This year as I said at the beginning, has not been the best for me towards the end, and I am so grateful to all the support you guys gave me. I know that I'm not very good with replying to comments/messages, and I'm so sorry if I never got round to replying to your message or comment, but I do read the comments, I do see the wonderful things you guys say, and it's absolutely delightful to see the nice things you guys say! I want to give a big big BIG thank you to these wonderful people who have been there for me, whether it was to geek out over a show to if they where there for me when I needed support: @hazbinextgeneration - You've been an amazing pal right from the beginning, you where one of the very first people I met when I first got into the Zoophobia and HH fandom and you've been an absolute gem! You've been there for me when I was down and you've listened through out all of my nerd outs about characters and shows, and to have someone listen to me meant so much! You comment on nearly every piece of my work and you're always so kind and giving! Not only to me but to so many others! You've made me a lot and fanart and I'm sorry I don't nearly do enough for you in return, going into 2020, I want to change that! @cosmic-artzz - If you hadn't been there to listen to me and help me out, I honestly don't know what kind of situation I would be in now. You helped me cut off ties with people I honestly wasn't happy talking with, and despite being dragged into my drama over and over again, you where still there to listen to both sides of the argument and give advice on how I could make things better. You've always been a delight to talk to and I'm so happy we had the chance to become friends! I'm so sorry you get dragged into my troubles as much as you did dude! Going into 2020, I promise you I'll be more confident in putting my foot down when I feel as though I'm not being treated fairly! And lastly, I want to thank all of you! For sticking with me on this crazy journey! Here's to 2020 and hoping its a wonderful year!!

#Goodbye 2019!#Ready for 2020

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