#my family loves her so much it’s actually hilarious

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons plus little bonus part 2 electric boogaloo

After Nimona found out about Ambrosius' allergies they demanded to test every single meal he eats 

They’ll take the plate away from him and have a test bite and only after they deem it “safe” will they let him eat it

Doesn’t matter if they're out eating or at home she does this every time 

He can literally say “Nim Bal made this for me it’s not gonna have anything I’m allergic to” and she’ll respond with “You don’t know that he could finally be sick of you and the only thing saving you is me” 

Ambrosius and Bal will share literally everything they eat 

Whenever they go out they’ll usually order something they know they’ll both like 

And if they know the other one is between two options they’ll just order one of the options and share both meals 

It’s a pretty normal thing that they’ve been doing since they were kids so they don’t even question it anymore 

Nimona jokingly calls it sickening as she steals food off their plates 

No one in the trio is neurotypical 

Bal is autistic Ambrosius has ADHD Nimona is a mix of both

Talking to these dorks is absolute hell

It’s kind of like the interrogation scene except it’s not one topic 

They often get sidetracked and lose the plot of the conversation 

They’ll have 10 different conversations at once and only finish like 5

Bal forgets a whole bunch of shit because he has long-term brain damage and Nimona and Ambrosius forget shit cause of the ADHD 

It’s not uncommon for someone to say “Hey remind me to” and then they’ll be cut off by the other person who just says “You know I won’t remember that just put a reminder in your phone” 

Their house is covered to the brim in sticky notes and random pieces of paper for reminders 

The grocery list is on the front door the chore list is in the kitchen and random little tasks are scattered around the house 

When Nimona doesn’t want to do something he’ll just erase his name from that task

He fooled the boys for a while but Bal started keeping score of who did what and when and called his sneaky ass out 

Little bonus part 2 electric boogaloo: this time it’s my sister and my mama and my sister also was acting like I was killing her firstborn not asking her to watch a movie 

Me: “look mama it’s the siblings” my sister: “but they’re gay” me: “yeah but people thought they were siblings” my sister: “if you ever look at me like that I’m calling the cops” (the scene on the catwalk) 

“Yeah you better cheer” (when Bal was getting knighted)

“I knew something was wrong with the sword” “So did Bal” “Yeah but I knew first”

Apparently both my Mama and my sister didn’t know that Ambrosius cut off Bal’s arm so I got to see both of their reactions 

This was my Mama’s “damn what happened to being a lover not a fighter” “he’s a knight Mama” “Who cares!!” 

This was my sister's “Wow really took the whole arm huh?” “That’s how they were trained” “And?” 

My mama was talking to my sister when Nimona met Bal “Who does that remind you of?” “Roo” “Exactly”

 “Oh look it’s tiny dick!” (Talking about Todd) 

“What a fucking bitch” (when she found out the director swapped the sword) 

This was when Bal and Ambrosius were fighting Me: “Is there anything gayer than having an argument in the middle of a sword fight” My mama: “They’ll fight with their other swords later” 

“Who fucking asked” “bla bla bla I’m a racist bitch” (when the Director went on her monologue in the office)

She saw Ambrosius’ username and laughed for like two minutes straight

After the sword fight my sister would pretend like Bal and Ambrosius were making out every time they were on screen together 

“Because I love you *making out noises*” at the tavern 

“Oh there’s their third wheel (Todd)” “Nah he’s racist as fuck” “Who isn’t in the institute?”

When Ambrosius tried to stop the director she said this is what he meant “No you can’t set off the laser that’s my kid!” (She believes the trio is a family too) 

“Awe they’re hugging *more making out noises*” 

She called it cute in the end and I made fun of her for bitching about it

I asked my sister who her favorite is and she says “what’s his name balls?” I started cackling my ass off and she goes “I’m joking I know his name is Ballister and he’s still my favorite”

#nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister boldheart #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #i keep remembering different things she said and adding them #so if it looks like it’s changing it’s cause it is #I told my mama you founder her funny and she said and I quote #well of course they do I’m hilarious #I love my family so much #they're so fucking funny #there is nothing batter than watching movies with them #it's always fun to watch them pretend to hate it for the first five minutes and love it for the rest of the movie #she deadass called this guy balls #she actually remembered his name tho so you know he’s her favorite #I know I’m gonna get thirst edits in the middle of the night now

[cowboy-robooty]

imma be real with u guys i actually unironically love danganronpa but only the source content i hate 99.99999% of fan content so fucking much.

LISTEN THIS IS A HETALIA BLOG NONE OF US ARE BETTER THAN DANGANRONPAERS AND EVERYONE WHO IS UNAWARE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND DANGANRONAPERS TREAT KOKICHI THE WAY HETALIA FANS TREAT ENGLAND. EXCEPT WORSE. SOMEHOW 100000x WORSE

#AND IM 20 FEET UNDER IN THIS HETALIA SHITSHOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE BEEN DOING TO ENGLAND SINCE 2008 #DANGANRONPA IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD ITS HILARIOUS #ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SWISS CHEESE FOR BRAINS #THE GAME IS FUN I LIKE THE MINI GAMES I THINK IT LOOKS GREAT YES I LIKE THE FUCKASS DANGANRONPA STANCE ITS FUNNY #THE FIRST GAME IS THE BEST ONE BECAUSE NGL THEY WERE NOT PUSHED THAT HARD TO KILL EACHOTHER LOL #AND ALSO THERES AN ENTIRE PART WHERE U GOTTA CONVINCE ONE KF THE CHARACTERS THAT ANOTHER ONE ISNT A GHOST #AND ALSO BYAKUYA TELLS TOKO TO STOP TALKING AND SHE STRAIGHT UP DOESNT FOR LIKE 2 DAYS AND NOBODY CARES LOL #toko is actually an incredible acomplishment because she is so genuinely insufferable and awful and everybody hates her for half the game #and then somehow by the end of it she hasnt changed but you just like her now its an amazing phenomenon #i cant think of a single other character that ive thought to be the actual worst and then later i like them so much even tho they havent #changed at all #bruh in universe shes hated too like theres that part where junko kidnaps everyones loved ones and we see peoples families n shjt #and then toko only has her goddamn pet stink bug #now that nobody likes danganronpa anymore (thank god) ill make my clearing kokichis name post one day... BECAUSE OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU #PEOPLE DONE TO HIM #HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM HE DOESNT SLIT HIS WRISTS HES A GAMER

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

did i ever tell y’all about my little cousin who i’m very patiently waiting for her to turn 12 or 13 so i can get her to read city of bones as a long term comedic revenge plot against her father

#she’s only like 8 i think there’s still a ways to go #and thank god for that because i hardly ever see her rn so i still need time to build it up #idek how much of a reader she is at this stage but her parents read so i imagine she’s gonna be a reader too #she’s not an ipad baby like her cousins i have high hopes for her #basically the backstory is that her dad (guy who married my older first cousin when i was 10. he’s basically been around forever tho) #he used to make fun of me for my ya fantasy books (jokingly he was never actually Mean) and when they had a daughter i realized there was a #perfect way to enact some hilarious revenge… #his kids love me i could maybe even pull it off twice with their son #but that’s maybe bordering on evil so i won’t plan that far in advance #he’s five he might not remember he loves me by the next time i see him anyway #the daughter though is at an age where she does remember me and we’re buddies. but she’s too young to read ya fantasy still #anyway. that’s something i’ve got going on. in the works #oh if i ever mentioned the two 5 year old cousins who’s nails i painted at my family reunion last summer. that kid was one of them #just to tie the narrative together for you <3

[hella1975]

look at these mf platters my cousin(28) made, me and my sister keep eating them and the party isnt even meant to start for another hour - we also keep playing drinking games, but thats just what happens when youre always the first ones ready i think

(capt)

HOW AM I JUST SEEING THIS THAT LOOKS INSANE INVITE ME NEXT TIME

#omw to australia as we speak #your cousin is talented that literally looks delicious i would not leave that table if i saw that at a party #my family parties are really funny bc for starters ive only been to one (1) family party on my dad's side #and it wasnt really a party bc it was day time and also it was awkward as all anything #bc it was me and my sister in this random irish village surrounded by strangers who hate our mother lmfao #BUT as much as i slate my immediate extended family (does that even make sense? i just mean my grandparents) on my mum's side #her family's parties are so fucking fun #bc both sides of my family are GINORMOUS like i think my mum worked out i have over 400 cousins total lmfao #but my dad's side are spread out between tipperary and london so it's less intense #whereas my mum's side literally ALL live in my hometown like none of them moved from within the same ten mile radius #it was one of the reasons i hated my hometown so much bc i couldnt do anything without my cousins's friend's plumber's dog telling my mum #but anyway i digress my actual family not including my close relatives are so so lovely #and the parties were hilarious we always had a xmas party at the same pub and it was such a vibe #and i have multiple cousins in my year group (i was had form with one like my cousins are just everywhere) #(he came up to me in year 7 and went 'hi i think im your cousin' and i went 'that checks out' and that was that) #so we'd just spend the whole time on one table bitching about people in our year #this got ranty but yeah <3 family parties are such a specific vibe but i rate it <3 #hope you had fun! sorry i didnt see this ask when u sent it im useless #ask

[peaches-and-honey-and-the-moon]

Y'all

#im drunk right now #but i have so much fucking drama right now its crazy #this fucking woman might actually be out of her fucking mind #im like laughing about this shit #this girl thinks she owns the fucking world and she is nothing but a strain on life #im loaing my mind #shes destroying this tight knit family and im loving sitting on the sidelines watching this #my partners brother is such a fucking coward letring her ruin everything its hilarious

[yumeka-sxf]

In addition to Yor's epiphany scene, this scene was the other one I was most looking forward to in season 2 - a scene that, in my opinion, is one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far 💖

Why is it so significant? Because there was no reason for Twilight to put on any Loid Forger acting in that moment. He wasn't conversing with nor being scrutinized by anyone. So why would he give that soft smile followed by such affectionate, comforting words as "お疲れ様/otsukaresama"? (this can be translated in many ways, but generally it's something you say to thank someone for their hard work).

The answer is because it's something he truly felt...he understood the sacrifice Yor made for Anya's happiness and genuinely appreciated it (if only he knew the sacrifice she made on the larger scale, lol). While he's a bit perturbed at first since some onlookers were snickering at him, it didn't take long for him to soften and then graciously carry his queen and princess the girls back to the ship 😭

But Twilight overall was really soft in this episode and I loved it~ From his blush upon seeing Yor to the several times he gave that same soft smile when talking with/looking at her...I think Anya was right when she called him out on the ship about missing his wife 😅

I liked how the anime conveyed his shock when noticing her bruised face...what must have been his thought at that moment? 👀

The scenes of the family activities translated better in animated form in my opinion. While they were each only a single panel in the manga, they lasted a few seconds each in the anime, plus the addition of the insert song helped the with the comfy, wholesome vibe~ Also the part where Yor inadvertently chucks Anya across the ocean is still hilarious.

Loid's dorky skip at the beginning of the episode translated very well in animated form too 😅

The ending of this chapter in the manga always felt a bit rushed to me...it quickly jumps from the aforementioned scene of them returning to the ship, to suddenly being home, reuniting with Bond and Franky, having a meal together, then Twilight meeting Sylvia, all within a few panels. Even though I wish the anime added more than just some additional scenes of the ship leaving the island, I felt it flowed much better in the anime since, just like the family activities, each scene in the ending lasted a second or two instead of being a single illustration.

But I love how this chapter/episode ends, with Yor, Anya, and Bond napping while Anya draws about her family vacation. This seems to take place the next day or maybe later the same day they got home, so makes sense they'd still be tired from the trip!

By the way, the manga has this additional scene showing that Olka and company are safe. Weird that the anime didn't stick it in at some point.

Also, the anime team didn't have to go so hard with this episode's key visual but they did...and I love it 😍 Might actually be my favorite of the key visuals so far!

I was very happy to see the "surrounded by liars" panel finally animated! This is such a funny scene and a great way to fully wrap up the cruise arc.

I also burst out laughing at Yuri's locker 🤣

Damian is surprisingly laid back in this episode. I think the reason is because Anya's antics aren't directly involving him. He tends to go total tsundere only when she's actually talking to him, lol.

The new scene of Yor getting the keychains for her coworkers was a nice addition! Guess it's canon that Yor and Anya didn't sleep for the entire trip back, lol. Glad they got to spend family time on the ship too! (though I wish we could have seen Yor's reaction waking up in Loid's bottom bunk bed, haha. He must have brought her to his room since he wouldn't know where her room is. Unless she woke up before he even put her in a bed, in which case she would have been super embarrassed knowing he was carrying her around in public 😆)

Looks like next week the anime will be changing the order of things a bit and giving us the Becky home-wrecking and Fiona chapters (the latter of which seems to have some anime original content?) The Becky chapter is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters...I'm already dying of laugher thinking about it 😂

#spy family #spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #loid forger #yor forger #anya forger #twiyor #sxf anime #becky blackbell #yuri briar

[hxney-lemcn]

Prince and the Frog — Housewardens x gn! reader

summary: you find yourself cursed and you go to your prince to lift it.

tw: none that I can think of.

a/n: I saw something about the princess and the frog and got inspo. This is so fun, goofy, and lovely, I hope y'all enjoy <3

wc: 1.9k (~300 each character)

Master List

You weren’t sure what you’ve done to deserve this, but even you felt it wasn’t enough. I mean a frog? Really? And the cure was a true love's kiss? Seriously? Can it get any more cliche? You might as well search for a princess and turn her into a frog as well and then set off into a journey of personal growth…you suppose a prince will have to do. You went to the first person you thought could help, time to see if they really would still love you if you were a worm, err…frog.

Riddle Rosehearts

Okay, so maybe Riddle wasn’t technically a prince, but a queen is a step above that, no? You were a little scared of his reaction, but you couldn’t stay a frog forever. Not to mention that someone else had cursed you, it’s not like you turned yourself into a frog. So when you managed to find him he freaked out, mouth agape as you explained your situation. Thank the sevens you could still talk. Riddle’s face soured, lips twisted into a scowl. At first you thought he was going to find a way to collar you in your current slippery state, but he ended up ranting about the person who cursed you, asking for any details that you could provide. The thought of kissing you to break the curse hadn’t even crossed his mind, instead skipping straight to punishing the fool who’d curse the Queen’s rose and making them reverse it. It was then that you learned just how quickly Riddle could sniff someone out if he wanted to, because the effects had been reversed by the end of the same day. (If that doesn’t show you how much he loves you then I don’t know what can).

Leona Kingscholar

…are you sure about this? I mean…yeah he’s a prince and all but he might just toss you mistaking you for a random frog who dared to encroach on his space. The type to argue he wouldn’t have to love you if you were a worm cause how ridiculous is that? Well…not so ridiculous now, huh? Thankfully, you had found Ruggie first, explaining your situation and asking for him to bring you to Leona. Not so thankfully, Ruggie found the entire thing hilarious and had to take a moment to calm himself down. He kept snickering to himself the entire way to Leona, making you want to die, or just stay a frog and live a happy life in a nice little pond and start a little froggy family. When Ruggie managed to tell Leona what was going on in between laughter Leona just stared at you like you were the stupidest motherfucker. Hey! It wasn’t like you were asking to be cursed! Has an internal conflict on what to do. On one hand he wants to prove he’s your true love, and kissing you seems to be the quickest way to get this over with…on the other you are a literal frog. Shooing Ruggie away, Leona bemoaningly gave you the quickest peck ever, making a face of disgust as he pulled away. The transformation back took a few seconds, but the look of disgust quickly turned to a smug smirk, feeling proud that you were truly his. 

Azul Ashengrotto

Okay, so again, not an actual prince…but he excelled at potions, so it only made sense…except he’ll probably make you sign your life away. So maybe not a good choice once again. I pray for you because one if not both of the Leech twins are gonna find you first and they’re gonna have a field day. ‘My, you’d look perfect in one of my terrariums’ Jade would note. Floyd would probably accidentally kill you because this entire situation is oh so hilarious and he forgot he’s supposed to be holding you gently. After the two have their fun (Jade plays with you and his terrarium like you're a doll in a dollhouse), they finally bring you to Azul, laughing their asses off in their own ways. Azul stares at you blankly as the two eel brothers leave, trying his hardest to not laugh. His face is red from concealing his humor, looking to the side to collect himself. He’ll offer you the cure, but for a price. Kiss you? He has a reputation to upkeep you know. He can’t be seen kissing frogs, imagine what that’ll do to his image! No, no, just sign the contract, and to sweeten the deal he’ll have the twins deal with the pest who thought it was a good idea to curse his angelfish. If you really persist, he’ll give in eventually. To be fair, he is also curious to see if you're his true love, but on the other hand he’s terrified if you're not. He doesn’t want to lose you. And to both your delight, you transform back after he gives you a small kiss on your little froggy head…he’s also running laps in his mind at how happy he is.

Kalim Al-Asim

He’s a prince and won’t think twice! He loves you truly, so it has to work! Too bad Jamil stumbled upon you first. Adamantly tries to hide you from Kalim and he feels his headache growing ten times worse. Why did you stupidly get yourself cursed? He asks like you did it on purpose. You didn’t know why the guy cursed you either! Jamil keeps you tucked in his hoodie until he can find time to bring you to Professor Crewel. You tried to fight him at first as you’d rather stay a frog than get detention for something you had no control over, but Jamil knew how to keep a tight leash on the unruly…it was his job after all. Unfortunately for him, Kalim walked into the kitchens right as you hopped out of his pocket. At first he was confused, and then even more confused, and then ecstatic. You hopped over to him, asking for him to protect you from Jamil (who was giving you a major side eye). Then you explained your predicament, and Jamil butted in about bringing you to Crewel. Innocently, Kalim offered to kiss you. No need to bother Crewel if the cure was so simple! Jamil couldn’t stop him in time, as Kalim kissed you the second he finished the sentence. Even Jamil couldn’t hide his disgust for a second at the action. Thankfully, Kalim was your true love as you had transformed back, and he hugged you gleefully. Unfortunately for Kalim, you refused any of his kisses until he rinsed his mouth (lmao).

Vil Schoenheit

Another queen. Best person to go to. He can whip up any cure just as fast as he can whip up any potion/poison. Rook, saw the whole encounter with the other student, and brought you to Vil without a second thought. He already knew everything about the idiot who cursed you so no need to stick around. Vil’s gaze turned into a disapproving stare as he looked at you. Even though Rook tried to stick up for you, dramatizing the whole event as stating how brave you were to face such a curse head on, Vil only shook his head. He motioned for Rook to follow him, not wanting to pick you up. He loves you, really he does, he just can’t afford to get his clothes dirty or stained. He picks the ingredients effortlessly, starting to brew the cure without a second thought. Both you and Rook seemed to want to get on his nerves as you both prattle on about true love and how he should kiss you. He didn’t expect you to be a cheesy sap (he’s lying), besides, don’t you know how many curses list true love’s kiss as the cure? The meaning is pointless. Besides, he doesn’t need some curse to prove his love for you, hasn’t he shown you how much you mean to him already? Or was he lacking, because he didn’t think you’d doubt him. Either way, you’re drinking the cure, he couldn’t risk that your slimy frog skin might make him break out. But don’t worry, if you really have room to doubt his love, he’ll make sure you can’t within the week.

Idia Shroud

Hahaha. Again, are you sure? He’s always holed up in his room, the only chance you're brought to him is if Ortho finds you (or vice versa). At first Ortho found you adorable, cooing at you as he floated to Idia’s room. He thought this was the perfect opportunity to show both you and Idia just how much you care for the other. How could either of you doubt the other if it's sealed with a true love's kiss? It was a brilliant opportunity! (Orthos a little too into this). He barely let his brother welcome them in before barging in and shoving a frog (you) into Idia’s face. At first Idia screeched, falling out of his gamer chair and scrambling away from the amphibian. Was Ortho pranking him? That’s totally uncool, he wasn’t some normie. But then Ortho happily blabbed about you and the curse and then it clicked…YOU WERE A FROG? Now he’s rolling on the floor laughing at you. You’d smack him if you WEREN’T A FROG. After he’s done laughing it up, he then freezes. Ortho wants him to kiss you? B-but that's gross! Who knows what diseases he’ll get if he kisses you. k. Wait, don't go to someone else! Fine, he’ll do it, but he won’t like it. Inside, he’s absolutely terrified. His mind is running a mile a minute. He doesn’t think you’ll actually turn back, someone like him doesn’t deserve true love…so imagine the face he makes when you do. Face a bright red, his hair a bright pink. Oh no, he feels faint. Give him a peck on the lips to finish him off.

Malleus Draconia

Uh oh. Queue the thunder and lightning. Whoever cursed you is the stupidest motherfucker. Malleus is the one to stumble upon you this time, to the disdain of his family. Lilia on one hand wanted to laugh about the situation, on the other, he knew he’d have to protect the stupid human from being smite for cursing Malleus’ love. Silver and Sebek are sweating as Malleus holds you gently in his hands. If he thought you were gentle as a human, he’s being ten times more careful with you in your froggy state. On the outside, he’s silent and brooding, on the inside he’s lamenting on finding you an enclosure where you can be happiest. What type of tank, soil, plants, water…someone please tell him this is reversible. Lilia chimes in before the rain outside can get worse, mentioning true love's kiss is able to reverse the effects. Malleus’ green slitted eyes never move from your tiny form, he finds you absolutely breathtaking even as a frog (this man is down so bad), but he’s nothing but relieved when he hears the news. Human lifespans are already small as is, he would’ve been completely gut wrenching if that time was cut even shorter. Another one who doesn’t hesitate to kiss you. This man would love you if you were a worm. He strokes your moist skin gently as he leaves a small kiss to your adorable head. His entire being, soul, mind and body all belong to you, and if that isn’t true love then I don’t know what is. His eyes shine brightly as you transform back, holding you gently as he promises to protect you from any miscreant that dares even look at you wrong…yeah so the guy who cursed you is still fucked and now you have a protective dragon at your heel 24/7.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations- 26

Pluto in 5th housers I notice are not into sleeping around. They usually save that for relationships or marriage. They can be very extreme with it though and can become very judgmental of others who do choose to sleep around.

Scorpio risings are actually really funny and theatrical when you get to know them. They actually love entertaining people and making them laugh (Leo Mc)

Aqua Venus’s hate when you make it too obvious you like them. Acting too obsessed too early can be really cringey to them.

Taurus suns can be big narcissists. When underdeveloped they will pinpoint weaknesses and insecurities in other’s personalities or looks to make themselves look more superior. They hate when others have more or better qualities than them (especially $$ and looks) they can be big bullies.

I know a lot of Scorpio moons that refuse to ever touch substances. Like they’re usually really against experimenting with that kinda stuff. (They usually stick to drinking)

Pisces rising all look so droopy idk how to explain it

Leo/ cancer moons are usually the youngest sibling or the baby in the family or they usually get spoiled/ babies the most by parents compared to other siblings.

Libra risings not everyone is in love with you give me a break

All Aries sun women look like this or give off her vibes tell me im lying ⬇️

Sag in the 12th housers are actually hilarious. Learn to say those jokes you say quietly under your breath loudly and confidently they’re usually so funny, most can have a habit of saying something really funny under their breath and someone hears it and says it loudly instead and everyone starts dying laughing like it wasn’t your joke. They can be very insecure about their goofy quirky sides of them, usually somewhere in their past that side of them was seen as “unacceptable” to their peers so they closed that side up with a very serious dulled down exterior. Don’t let people’s words get to you!

Do Aries moon men exist??? Like I’ve never met one a day in my life or ever really read about them is astrology post. It’s usually only the women I hear about but never really the men? If anyone has experience with Aries moon men lmk in the comments

Also another placement no one talks about is Mars in Aries, it’s supposed to be in its domicile yet I hear very little ppl ever talk about this placement. I have this and I never really hear much other then having anger issues and annoying textbook definitions.

The ex the hurt me the worst in the relationships big six was a Pisces Rising, Pisces Sun, Scorpio moon, Merc & Venus in Aries and a Scorpio mars.. I barely made that out with my sanity🫠

Uranus & Jupiter in the 1st house are always so TALL, even if they aren’t tall they seem tall??? They just have tall energy.

If their are any Astro placements you want to to talk about in my next post lmk! I love talking about new ones people normally don’t talk about. I think all the popularized placements gets really boring to talk about cuz you see it everywhere so if there are any placements you want me to talk about that you never really see or read about lmk in the comments🥰

#astro observations #astrologist #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astroblr

[panther-os]

I see a lot of "oh this was an accidental proposal and katara continuing to wear it is an on purpose acceptance"

I don't think that's accurate and the ship is really not my thing anymore anyways but you know what would be absolutely hilarious?

katara tells her family about this and then fast forward to a post-war zukka relationship where zuko's for real proposing and is asking Hakoda and Bato - who love chaos as much as they love their children and son-in-law - for permission as a courtesy and they're just like "we cannot in good conscience allow this while you're still betrothed to our daughter" and Zuko's just like "WHAT" and it turns into a comedy of zuko doing more and more absolutely fucking weird and outlandish things to "break the engagement to katara" so he can marry sokka. just 100% a twelve labours type thing except they're actually achievable because there's no need to repeat that trauma (although maybe the final task is "bring me the avatar" and that's when he realizes he's being fucked with)

katara gets roped in and is having a blast. sokka however is blissfully unaware until the final moments - or if angst is more your thing, he's wondering if the reason zuko is always busy lately is because he's getting ready to break up with him, maybe throw in zuko spending more time around katara and sokka's "guy with a boomerang" insecurities for shits and giggles

#/incoherent noises/ #atla #zukka #bakoda #crack #angst #fire lord zuko #atla sokka #atla katara #atla hakoda #atla bato

[actually-azi]

✨ Rating Hazbin Hotel ships ✨

Adam / Lucifer - 3/10, It's definitely a funny concept that Lucifer fucked both his wives and then him, but in reality it's a no from me.

Adam / Lute - 7/10, Their relationship would've been unhealthy af but not gonna lie it's pretty cute. I just love Lute so goddamn much lol.

Alastor / Lucifer - 7/10, I like the concept because it's genuinely funny and kinda cute but only as a crack ship. I definitely don't see it actually happening.

Alastor / Literally anyone else - 0/10, I genuinely don't think Alastor would ever even consider a relationship. He just thinks he's above everyone else.

Angel / Cherri - 0/10, What the fuck y'all, he's gay. This one is weird af and idk why it's even a thing.

Angel / Husk - 10/10, I love that Husk cares about Angel for more than sex, they're so cute together especially if they take things slowly.

Charlie / Emily - 2/10, They're so similar that together I feel like it would be too much. Also I really dislike the idea of splitting up Chaggie.

Charlie / Emily / Vaggie - 6/10, I probably wouldn't mind all three of them together. It would be cute to call it Charlie's Angels lol.

Charlie / Vaggie - 10/10, I love them together, they're so supportive and adorable. The way Vaggie looks at Charlie with so much love warms my heart.

Cherri / Sir Pentious - 7/10, I don't like Cherri all that much but I'm so happy that Pen got the girl in the end, he deserves to be loved.

Lilith / Lucifer - 5/10, Mostly it's low because I'm suspicious of Lilith. If she ends up not terrible then I could see it being higher but idk, it's sus for now.

Lute / Vaggie - 7/10, I enjoy the idea of them being exes or something like that. Or Lute being jealous of what Vaggie has with Charlie.

Niffty / Valentino - 10/10, Great crack ship. The fanart is hilarious and Nif's love of bad boys makes it a great concept. But I do pretty much only like it as a joke.

One sided Vox / Alastor - 15/10, This is 100% canon in my head. Vox is SO down bad for Alastor and took it SO personally that Alastor couldn't give less of a fuck like the aroace king he is. I love this SO much.

Valentino / Vox - 500/10, This is my Hazbin OTP honestly. These two losers are terrible people but I love them together more than I can even put into words. They just fit so well together and act like an old married couple.

Valentino / Velvette / Vox - 2/10, Velvette sees Vox and Val as her dumb gay dads and I'll die on that hill. They're more like a family and she's the glue that keeps the other two from imploding when they get pissy.

Velvette / Vox - 2/10, Not feeling it. Honestly I think Velvette is aroace and/or a lesbian. I just don't see anything romantic involving her and either of the other Vees.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #charlie morningstar #lucifer #angel dust #husk #cherri bomb #sir pentious #vox #valentino #velvette #niffty #vaggie #shipping #radioapple #radiostatic #staticmoth #chaggie #lilith #adam #lute #hazbin hotel emily #voxval

[crljhnn]

The older Jefferson

Pairing: Rodrick Heffley x fem!Reader

Summary: After Rowley announces that his older (half-)sister, who lives quite far away and has never met the Heffleys, is going to visit him over the break Susan invites his family over for dinner. Her not being what Rodrick expects, he starts crushing, which results in him trying to impress her - failing horribly.

No physical description; No use of y/n

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: None

A/N: Hi, just a quick warning that English isn’t my first language and that this is also the first time I’ve ever written a longer text in English that isn’t a school assignment. I also don’t fully understand Tumblr yet, which makes me honestly a bit anxious to post.

[This and a gender-neutral version are also posted on AO3]

“Why haven't you ever mentioned that you have an older Sister?” Rowley and Greg were sitting on the Heffleys living room floor - Rodrick occupying the whole space on the couch - playing a video game. Well, Greg was. It was a single-player. He promised they would take turns, but by now Rowley had been over for about two and a half hours and hadn’t even had the chance to touch the controller yet. He gave up on asking and settled on just watching about 45 minutes in.

“I talked about her before. Multiple times actually.” That is true. Rowley looks up to his sister a lot “Also, she is technically my Half-Sister. She’s been living with her Dad for longer than I remember. Normally we are the ones flying over to visit during summer break, but she hasn’t visited since she was a little Kid, and after her school schedule finally allowed it, we thought it would be a good idea if she, for a change, came here instead.”

“It sounds like you two get along great!” Mrs. Heffley walked in, holding a laundry basket under one arm while carrying Manny with the other.

“We do! I can’t wait to show her my room and have her around for the entire break! I have so much planned out already, it's gonna be so much fun! Best summer ever!”

“That sounds lovely Rowley, I wish Greg was so excited to hang out with Rodrick, but they just won't get along.” Susan sighed, throwing a pitiful glance at her two oldest, who simultaneously let out a laugh hearing this.”

“Yeah, never gonna happen.” Greg says, “I would rather spend the whole summer in school than voluntarily hang out with this idiot.”

“My Sister is actually around the same age as Rodrick.” Rowley buts in. Greg doesn’t understand how this is relevant, but it probably adds to his mother's yearning for her two oldest sons to get along. Rodrick lets out a laugh hearing that.

“I can’t wait to meet them. Just imagine an older, female version of Rowley. That’s actually fucking hilarious!”.

“Watch your language! Also, I'm sure she is wonderful.” Gregs Mom loosens her lecturing stance, turns around, and smiles at Rowley “I would love to have you and your family over for dinner sometime. It has been a while since I’ve seen your parents and I would love to meet your sister.”

“That sounds great Mrs. Heffley. I will ask my parents as soon as I get home!”

That brings us to about a week later, when the Jefferson family, including their oldest daughter, is standing in front of the Heffleys House, ringing their doorbell.

Rowley has been telling you all about his best friend Greg for years, which made you somewhat excited about finally meeting him. However, you can’t say that the picture your brother painted is entirely positive, finding him rather irritating in many of the stories you were told over time. You aren't too mad though, assuming it is normal for young, teenage boys to act like jerks every once in a while. Not everyone can be such a sweetheart as Rowley. Overall you're glad your brother managed to maintain such a long-lasting friendship.

And then there was Rodrick. You've heard rather interesting stories about him as well. In the beginning, you found those quite amusing, that was until you realized that Rowley was genuinely terrified of him. Not the best first impression someone could make on you. Influenced by seeing your younger sibling grow up to be such a sweet and genuine person you tend to be a bit protective from time to time.

You hear some hushed voices from inside, and you can identify one of them as female, reminding someone to behave. Then the door opens and a woman, who you assume to be Mrs. Heffley, kindly smiles at you. Your suspicion is confirmed a second later when she introduces herself and shoos you into the house, before continuing to greet the rest of your family.

Crossing the threshold you can now see a man standing slightly behind Greg's mother. He introduces himself as Frank, making quite a kind impression on you. Then he leads you into the living room to meet his sons.

The two older ones hardly even notice you at first, too occupied with arguing and rowing with each other.

“Boys!”, their father speaks up, successfully catching their attention. Rather comically their gazes fall from their father to you, their eyes widening and their mouths dropping open. You were not what they expected. While Greg looks just shocked, you would describe Rodricks state as mesmerized.

He recovers fast, pushes Greg off of him, stands up, and puts on what he hopes is a charming smile. Extending his hand he starts to introduce himself.

“Hi, I’m-”

At least he tries to.

“Rodrick. I know. My brother has told me one or two rather interesting stories about you”, your smile is sharp. He gulps, his confident smile turning sheepish, cursing Rowley in his head. You are not what he expected and you are definitely not anywhere close to being a female carbon copy of your, in his eyes, embarrassing younger brother.

He normally wouldn’t consider himself the kind of person who has a type, but from now on, if someone asked, he would probably revert to describing you. You were just ethereal, everything about you was attractive to him. The way you walked, talked, and carried yourself, but also your clothing and hairstyle. Your pretty face just rounds up your whole appearance, making you all the more alluring.

He had to get on your good side. While a family dinner, especially with Greg present, may not be the best opportunity, he could ask Rowley to put in a few good words for him. That kid was easily influenced (or intimidated). Still, making the best possible impression over dinner wouldn’t cause any harm either.

You turn to the other boy who has been silently watching the exchange. Now that your attention is on him he starts feeling nervous as well. Your expression, however, turns a bit more friendly.

“And you must be Greg.” he nods. You introduce yourself and lastly say hello to Manny who is sitting on the floor playing with some figurines. By now the others have entered the room, causing Susan to start leading you all to the dining table.

You’re seated between Rowley and Greg, across from Rodrick, which results in quite frequent eye contact. On one side you really want to intimidate him a bit. This could maybe make your brother's life a bit easier, at least for the time being. On the other side, you do want to make some conversation, maybe throw in a bit of (family dinner appropriate) flirting or at least find out if he’s single.

It’s really hard to hold a grudge against someone who is entirely your type.

While you’re conflicted, Rodrick, on the other hand, is sweating. Nervously fidgeting in his seat. You didn’t seem as irritated with him anymore, if the eye contact was anything to go by. Was this his chance to redeem his shitty first impression? He cursed his brain for failing to come up with something cool to say.

Since when is it so hard to talk to girls? Is it getting hotter in here? What impresses girls? What does he normally brag about? His band! That’s it. Now he just has to bring it up somehow. Maybe he can bribe Greg to ask him about it. No, that’s too risky, he can’t count on Greg to not fuck this up. He is just going to casually bring it up ‘I’m in a band by the way, pretty sick huh?’ ‘Do you like music? Cause I’m in a band’ No that’s stupid everyone likes music… ‘Which kind of music do you listen to?’ That’s good, he should bring up the topic of music first, that’s a normal conversation topic. After that step two is to bring up the band. That’s easy, he got this.

Now he just needs to wait till your attention is on him again and then he can smoothly lead the conversation in the desired direction. He has to calm down, he can do it.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Your eyes meet again.

“I’m in a band!” He speaks way louder than intended, his voice is squeaky, and in the middle of the sentence he has the most embarrassing voice crack imaginable.

Silence.

The sole attention is now on him. All he hears is Greg's snickering which causes him to kick him under the table.

“Ow!” That was not Greg's leg. He looks up to see you looking at him with a questioning expression.

That’s it. He fucked up. His chances were already low, but he still managed to shrink them even more, making them most likely completely vanish. Great. His ears were ringing, all he can hear is Greg's quiet laughter in the background.

“I'm sorry I didn’t mean to kick you, I-” he starts his apology but loses track of what he is trying to say when he sees your expression change. You're clearly trying to suppress a smile, but it's not working at all.

“You’re adorable.” Rowley chokes on his food, and Greg's laughter abruptly stops

“Rodrick? Adorable?” That’s it. Greg gives up on ever trying to understand girls. How can his stupid older brother embarrass himself like that, then kick the poor girl under the table and still be perceived as adorable by her, especially since she is so much out of his league?

Rodrick however, was still not functioning properly.

“So that band, is its name by any chance Löded Diaper?”

“Yeah.” He is proud of himself for speaking at an appropriate volume without stuttering. “How do yo-”

“I saw your creepy white Van in front of the house. What’s up with that, kidnapping little kids as a side hustle?” You are still smiling, and with your stupid joke you somehow manage to relax the atmosphere a bit, the adults going back to their conversation.

Rodrick too is now smiling, looking at you with an expression you could only describe as lovestruck, even though you just insulted him.

He is contemplating making a joke about how the space in the back could be quite useful for more than just trapping kids but decides against it, fearing to make it awkward again. Getting nervous about taking too much time to come up with an answer he instead lands on “No only kidnapping pretty girls like you.”. As soon as the words leave his mouth he regrets it, realizing it's in fact not a funny and flirty thing to say, but honestly rather creepy.

At the end of the evening, Rodrick has messed up flirting with you multiple times, however, it’s his luck that you find his desperate attempts to look cool to impress you weirdly endearing. Not that he realizes that. Calling Rodrick confused, questioning why you were still talking to him, would be an understatement.

He certainly doesn’t know how he can have messed up so many times and still end up finding a little note with your number on it in his pullover hood after you left.

#rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley #fem!reader #diary of a wimpy kid #fluff #first meeting #oneshot #x reader #reader insert #fanfic

[orphicdreamers-wp]

I want to send a request for the umich boys. So every Sunday they have a “family dinner” where the friend group comes over with their girlfriends and they make an actual good dinner every Sunday night. Readers cooking and her boyfriend rutger gets handsy, so they sneak away and come back just in time for dinner, and just in time for the boys to tease rut about the hickeys on his neck

Get Your Lovin On — Rutger McGroarty

Summary: In which your boyfriend gets handsy while you guys are cooking

Content Warning; mild suggestive content(making out & hickeys), cussing, established relationships, UMich hockey players teasing Rutger & Reader

Pairing; Fem Reader x Rutger McGroarty

A soft laugh left your lips as your boyfriend placed a kiss on your bare shoulder, “Rut, we’re cooking.” Rutger placed his hands on your hips, “Well how am I supposed to focus when you look so pretty?” You hummed, “Tell you what, finish your task of cutting bread for garlic bread while I finish checking this lasagna and we’ll talk then.” Rutger grinned as he pressed a kiss against your lips, “Yes ma’am.” You grinned to yourself as your boyfriend returned to the other side of the kitchen and went back to the task in front of him.

You had turned lasagna and put it back in the oven, setting a timer in 45 minutes to take it out, when you approached your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around his waist, “So how about we go talk? In your room.” Rutger smiled widely, “I’ll meet you up there.” You grinned as you walked out of the kitchen. Luca munched on a handful on grapes as he watched you whisper something in his friends ear and then magically you both left the kitchen.

The moment your boyfriend entered his room your lips were interlocked. Your hands found their way to Rutger’s hair like they always did. His lips lightly sucking at your neck eliciting a soft breathy sigh to leave your lips, “Rut, as much as I love this, all our friends are here. So we can’t do anything more than this.” Rutger looked up at you and smiled, “This is all I need. To be in my girlfriends arms.”

You smiled, “Keep talking like that and you might be getting lucky when they’re all gone.” Rutger grinned, “You say that like I shouldn’t be excited.” You grinned as your lips attached to your boyfriend’s neck. Leaving small hickey’s across the base of his neck. Rutger let out a breathy sigh as he nuzzled his head into you chest. You grinned at your boyfriend as you laid your head against his pillows, “What’s going on in your head pretty boy?”

Rutger shook his head as he traced shapes on your bare arm wrapped around him, “Just thinking about how lucky I am to be with you. Sometimes I think about how crazy it is that your with me.” You furrowed an eyebrow as you sat up crossing your legs over each other, “Why’s that so crazy Rut?” Rutger blew out a breath, “Your perfect, your kind, smart, hilarious, the easy going person I’ve ever met, you have an energy that people gravitate towards. Also your the most stunning person in the world. And I’m just me.”

You smiled at your boyfriend, “I think you are the most amazing person I know, your considerate to everyone, your extremely kind you’d give the shirt on your back to a stranger if you thought they needed it, you are the most reassuring person I know. You say things that make me melt into a puddle because of how sweet you are. You have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. Your laugh makes me feel so safe, and the way your looking at me right now, makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world. I don’t know who I’d be without you.” Rutger grinned as he placed a soft peck against your lips.

Rutger sighed as he melted into you, “We should probably head back out there now. Before they get any ideas.” You laughed, “I’ll be right down. I just wanna fix my hair.” Rutger nodded as he kissed you and headed out of his room. You walked into the bathroom he and Ethan shared and ran your fingers through your hair straightening it. You did your best to cover the hickey’s that were prominent across your collarbone. You made your way to the dining room where Ethan and Mark where prancing around in matching aprons Luca had bought them as a gag gift for Christmas. The two boys were tasked with bringing all the food to the table from the kitchen.

You slid into your seat in between Rutger and Ashley, Mark’s girlfriend. Luca sat directly across from Rutger with a smug smirk on his face upon seeing Rutger leaving his bedroom adjusting the collar to his shirt. You guys sat around the table laughing over whatever had happened in the week since you all had dinner together. You had been reaching out to grab your cup when your hair fell to the side revealing the growing purple hickey on your neck, it was only visible to Ashley and Luca, who both decided to say nothing even though they had both noticed.

You and Ashley were engrossed in a conversation about the professor in your shared public relations lecture. Rutger had thrown his head back as he burst into laughter. Luca grinned to himself as the hickey’s planted across Rutger’s neck was now visible to not just him but the entire group, “So that’s where you snuck off to Rut.” Your eyes immediately widened as Ethan walked over to your boyfriend and pulled his shirt away from his neck, “Damn Y/N you sure do mark what’s yours. Mark look at this!”

At the call from his best friend Mark waltzed over and tried to bite back a laugh, “Hold on she has some too.” Ashley moved your hair to the side revealing the maybe two hickey’s on your neck compared to the many on your boyfriend’s neck. Mark burst out laughing, “I knew Y/N had the power behind closed doors.” Your face was beat red as your boyfriend and you burst into laughter. You jokingly smacked Rutger’s arm, “We need to get our own place.” Rutger nodded, “Agreed.”

#hockey player x reader #fanfic #hockey #rutger mcgroarty #rutger mcgroarty x reader #umich blurbs #umich boys #umich wolverines #umich imagine #umich hockey #luca fantilli #ethan edwards hockey #mark estapa #seamus casey

[etheries1015]

I CANT STOP CACKLING AT LILIA AND THE SILLY STORIES OF HOW HE RAISED SILVER 😭😭 It made me wonder about Lilia raising a child he has with you, and how you react to his parenting tactics...

Lilias dorm card spoilers underneath <3

aldskfjal;siej the way that even sebek looks at Silver like "How..did you make it this far?" And Silver equally as confused as he is. And when he gave the bat milk directly from the jug, it sounds like the bat basically took a bath in it... Something similar happening to Silver. Ugh I love this family, they are so chaotic it's hilarious. How Silver and Sebek know more about the technicalities it's actually amusing, esspecially Silver, who grew up with Lilia's parenting skills... I like to assume MC had no clue this took place, and came in blind to his antics once they decided to have a child of their own...

MC- Lilia.

Lilia- oh isn't our darling baby the cutest?!

MC- Lilia, you cannot spoon-feed her real food yet. W...where did you get that food?

Lilia- I made it while you were bathing!

MC- ...And I see she also needed a diaper change? what's with the..paper towels?

Lilia- Oh, right. It appears we ran out of diapers! I had to improvise. I'm quite proud of myself how it turned out, really!

MC, sighing- We might have to start investing in reusable diapers if this keeps up...

Lilia- Reuseable?

MC- Yes, reus- Lilia! Put the spoon down, she is too little to feed off of solid foods! *mumbling* much less be able to stomach your cooking...

Lilia- It is not solid! It may appear that way, but I was certain to blend it into a milky consistency.

MC, eyeing the food curiously- ...Huh, you're right. Well, you can't feed her this anyway. She should be having milk right now

Lilia- I assure you it's much healthier and more nutritious than milk- ah...do not look at me like that my dear, remember I am a child-rearing veteran! ...

MC- ...

Lilia- ....

Lilia- I will go get the milk~ No need to glare at me as such. You know, raising children shouldn't be so black and white! Sometimes you need to improvise~

MC- ...Uh huh... anyways. I'm going to get changed to go out to the store and grab a few things. Can you handle her?

Lilia- Of course I can! Your questions wound me~ Do not worry your little head. I am well versed in how to raise a human child!

-moments later-

MC- Alright. Why is my baby cover head to toe in milk.

Lilia- Isn't she just the cutest sight to see? I handed her the mug and she practically poured it all over herself! What a silly little girl.

MC- ...Where's her diaper?

Lilia- Ah! The paper towel seems to have dissolved with the amount of milk soiling it... A shame. I was proud of how well It turned out.

MC, sighing and shaking their head with a smile and turning to the kitchen table- Can you keep an eye on them while I go to the store?

Silver, nodding- Of course.

MC- How...how did you manage to make it this far?

Silver- ...often times a mystery to me as well, but I am thankful I am still here.

MC, laughing and turning back to Lilia, who is giving the second mug of milk to his daughter- Ah...what charm you have, my lovely husband. I will return soon.

Lilia gives you a kiss and you head off, with a bright smile on your lips. What a silly fae...but you know things will turn out alright.

#Twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcannons #twst headcannons #Lilia #lilia x reader #Lilia vanrouge X reader #Lilia vanrouge headcannons

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

#doctor who #spoop speaks #if anyone has a name for this au i'm OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS #if anyone wants to write fic/draw art for this au YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ASK. IM ACTIVELY BEGGING. PLEASE #might delete this post if i get too self conscious it is. just. words. ew

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [6] - Drinks

A.N: Here’s the new chapter my loves! ❤️ Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️

Summary: Rumors can spread fast.

Word Count: 3500

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Violence, death, guns, crime, blood, explicit language, drinking. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

Well, that night's argument hadn't stayed private as you knew it would not, and it had a hilarious consequence.

Usually, the underworld kept its secrets. The family business, money, alliances, they were all kept from outsiders and everyone who was involved in it was advised the same thing; never ever say anything to anyone unless you want to get killed.

That rule however, did not exactly apply to romance or the rumors of it.

So in the following days, almost everyone who was in the business knew about your very loud rejection of Bucky's marriage proposal, and the mere mention of it was enough to shock everyone. Bucky was the golden heir turned boss, he was basically the prince of the city while you two were growing up, and you couldn't think of one occasion where he got rejected. As if trying to show everyone that he couldn't care less about that rejection, he had spent the rest of the week being seen with a different girl at the clubs and taking them home but it still did nothing to stop the chatter.

Which would have been quite entertaining for you, if your father hadn't also heard about it and asked you to visit him at the company.

You huffed out a breath as the elevator doors opened and you stepped out to the hallway before making your way down the hall. You could probably find your way in this skyscraper with your eyes closed, you had spent nearly your whole childhood playing here so you didn't even stop by the receptionist before approaching the glass door, seeing your father behind his desk, with Ian sitting on the couch. You heaved a sigh, then opened the door to step inside.

“Daddy?”

“Y/N sweetheart,” he said and got up to kiss your cheek. “Welcome.”

“Hi,” you said. “Ian.”

“Y/N.”

“Sit down, sit down!” your father said. “Are we keeping you from your plans?”

You shrugged your shoulders as you sat down on the armchair across from his desk.

“Not really,” you said. “Me and Becca and Sarah are all going to this new club tonight, but that's it.”

Ian hummed. “Which one?”

“You're not invited,” you said calmly and Ian shot you a glare, then held up his hands.

“Don't worry, some of us have actual jobs rather than having fun.”

“Enough you two,” your father said. “Y/N my dear, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to ask you about Bucky.”

Your head shot up and you leaned back, trying to keep your expression completely nonchalant.

“About Bucky?”

“Please, everyone is talking about it,” Ian said without lifting his glances off his phone as he typed a text. “Did he really propose?”

“Ian.”

“Uncle, a possible relationship between him and her is more than just romance, you know that.”

“She can hear you,” you said, glaring at him and Ian rolled his eyes.

“Y/N—”

“I said enough,” your father said. “Ian, leave the room.”

You tried to repress the smile on your face as Ian let out a breath, then pushed himself off of the couch to walk out of the office. You gave your father a bright smile but he only shot you a disapproving look.

“Must you two snark at each other all the time?” he asked. “We're family.”

“The fact that he's family is the only reason why I haven't shot him yet,” you deadpanned as your father motioned at his assistant for two coffees, and you crossed your legs.

“So?” he asked. “You and Bucky?”

“There's nothing going on between us.”

“But he proposed?”

You paused for a moment, then cleared your throat.

“Not exactly,” you said. “It was a hypothetical argument really. Bucky is convinced he's quite the catch, I was just bringing him down to the real world.”

“A hypothetical argument.” he repeated and you nodded.

“Mm hm.”

“And you want to keep it hypothetical?”

You raised your brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You two grew up together,” he said with a sigh. “I'll be honest, I'm nowhere near ready to see you get married, but Bucky knows the business, he's powerful enough to protect you—”

“I can protect myself daddy,” you cut him off. “You made sure of it.”

Your father ran a hand over his face and you tilted your head.

“You think it’s a good idea.”

He paused for a moment. “Well, it goes without saying that your opinion matters more here.”

“Well yes because thankfully we’re not in the 18th century anymore,” you commented. “But tell me anyway.”

“Hypothetically speaking, that kind of marriage would prove to be beneficial—”

“To all the psychiatrists in the city.”

“Y/N.”

“Sorry,” you said with a grin as the assistant brought your coffees and you thanked him. “Go on.”

“Would it be without issues?” your father asked. “Of course not.”

“Me making myself a widow could prove to be an issue yeah.”

“It would change the balance in the city, bringing the two families together…” your father trailed off. “Ian has his doubts about it but—”

“Ian doesn’t like it?” you asked with a huff of a laughter. “If you wanted to sell the idea to me, you should’ve led with that daddy.”

“But overall,” your father continued as if you didn’t cut him off again. “He agrees it could be good for the family and the business.”

You clicked your tongue, then reached out to grab your coffee cup.

“I’m not in the business,” you pointed out, bitterness seeping into your voice. “You made sure of that also.”

That made your father hesitate and he heaved a sigh.

“Y/N, sweetheart…”

“Is that all?” you forced yourself to ask and your father smiled slightly.

“Does he love you?” he asked back and you rolled your eyes.

“Not at all,” you said. “Which is a good thing if you ask me. I wouldn’t marry him if he was the last man on earth.”

Your father held up his hands, gesturing surrender.

“If you say so,” he said and you took another sip of your coffee, then put it on the small coffee table and stood up from your chair.

“I’ll see you later?”

“Mm hm,” he said, letting you kiss his cheek. “And Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Your bodyguards are coming with you to that club.”

You let out an annoyed groan. “Becca will have her bodyguards already—”

“No,” he said, pointing at you. “We talked about this before, and you have already beene attacked once.”

“The guy is dead though.”

“We still don’t know who he was working for,” your father said. “In any case, it’s not up for discussion.”

You huffed out.

“Fine, fine…” you murmured and walked out of the office to see Ian leaning against the wall, still busy with his phone.

“So?” he said. “Should I go pick a suit for the wedding?”

“Sorry to disappoint,” you said with a fake smile and he let out a dry laugh.

“You know,” he said. “If Barnes actually wants to marry you, he must be more stupid than I thought. Poor guy.”

You clicked your tongue.

“Ian I’d love to stay here and do this, but I actually have a life outside this building, friends who are not on my payroll and such, you know?” You pointed back at the office with your thumb. “But you can go back in now and pretend your opinions matter.”

With that, you walked away from him to the elevator, not even sparing him another glance.

                                                 *

 “The love of Becca’s life” as Becca called her turned out to be a nice girl named Leila whom you decided would be your friend after spending about five minutes with her. Ethan was running late -some last minute issue at the company- but he said he would be there in half an hour, so you figured you could start drinking with Becca and Leila beforehand.

“I mean listen, if you want it go for it but all my friends who got back together with their exes soon remembered why they broke up in the first place,” Leila said as you sucked on the straw of your cocktail, then shook your head.

“We barely count as exes, and it wasn’t a bad break up,” you said. “And it was back at college, everyone is an idiot in college times.”

“I know I was,” Becca said and Leila grinned.

“Me too,” she said as her phone beeped, and she checked it, then raised her brows and held up the phone at Becca.

“Aw, she’s not coming.”

You tilted your head. “Who?”

“My friend,” Leila said. “That’s a shame, she was very excited.”

“To come to the club?”

“That and to possibly see her brother,” Leila pointed at Becca with an apologetic smile and Becca made a face.

“Ew!”

“What’s going on?” you asked and Leila shrugged her shoulders.

“She and Becca’s brother had a thing like three years ago apparently?” she said. “I’d say small city but it’s not, it’s weird.”

“Kind of the same circle but not really,” Becca said and you scrunched up your nose.

“Ah.”

“I mean you should have heard the way she was talking about him,” Leila said with a laugh. “I’d tell you but Becca needs to cover her ears.”

“I do not want to be traumatized thank you,” Becca said. “I already go to therapy once a week—Sarah!”

Someone pressed a kiss on your cheek and you turned to smile brightly at Sarah, then hugged her sideways when she sat next to you.

“You’re here!”

“Only because I promised you,” she said. “I’ll have one drink and go home.”

“I still take that as a win—Sarah, this is Leila,” you introduced them. “Leila, this is Sarah, our best friend.”

“Whom we can barely see because she’s literally saving lives,” Becca said with a proud smile and Sarah waved a hand in the air.

“Don’t. It’s very nice to meet you,” she told Leila, then turned to me. “What is this I hear about Bucky proposing to you? Are you two actually getting married?”

Leila’s eyes widened.

“Oh shit,” she said. “I’m so sorry Y/N, if I knew about you and him, I wouldn’t bring up my friend and him having…a thing earlier.”

“What? No!” you said in a rush. “It’s totally fine.”

“Is it?”

“Your friend could be here and the only thing I’d ask her is if Bucky put a mirror between them in bed so that he could fulfill his lifelong dream of—”

“Y/N!”

“It’s a valid theory that I have, and I’m genuinely curious!” you defended yourself as Leila started laughing.

“Oh God…” she said. “I apologize either way.”

“You really shouldn’t—your friend slept with him, who hasn’t?” you asked while Sarah motioned for the waitress, then ordered her drink. “I mean not me I have principles, but you get what I mean.”

“But he asked you to marry him?” Leila asked and you shrugged your shoulders.

“Ours would be a unity of minds,” you said solemnly while Becca played with her hair.

“Unity of two braincells, more like it.”

“And we’re not together,” you added and Leila stole a glance at Becca as if she was confused, and Becca mouthed ‘later’ while you tilted your head at Sarah.

“Who did you hear it from by the way?”

“Sam told me,” she said as the waitress brought her a drink. “He’s also very entertained by that whole thing.”

“We all are,” Becca said and your phone vibrated in your hand, Ethan’s name flashing across the screen. You looked around, then stood up.

“I’ll be right back,” you said and made your way down the stairs, then passed the dance floor and stepped outside with your bodyguards following you.

“Y/N!” you heard Ethan’s voice and you turned your head, then smiled at him as the bouncer immediately stepped aside.

“Miss Y/N, he didn’t tell us he was your friend.”

“Oh no worries,” you said as Ethan approached you.

“Hey,” he said, kissing your cheek. “You look amazing.”

“Aw thank you, so do you!” you said, then grabbed his wrist to pull him along as you walked back into the club.

“They’re not letting anyone in,” Ethan told you, making you shoot him a small smile.

“Just give my name the next time and they’ll let you pass,” you told him and he let out a whistle.

“Just how far does your reach go?”

“Very far,” you said with a wink, then led him up the stairs before walking into the VIP room. You quickly introduced Ian to the girls, and took your seat, Ethan sitting right next to you.

“You were my doctor!” Ethan told Sarah. “The uh…the other night.”

“I was,” Sarah said. “Feeling better I hope?”

“Much better,” Ethan said and ordered a beer to the waitress by the door. “Thank you again by the way.”

“Not a problem,” Sarah said and Becca smiled at him.

“So Ethan,” she said. “I’ve heard so much about you. Y/N says you’re a data analyst?”

“I am,” Ethan nodded. “I just moved to the city, and Y/N has been nice enough to show me around.”

“Do you like it here so far?”

“People are exceptionally rude,” he answered with a grin. “My neighbor looked at me like I’d grown two heads when I greeted him the other day.”

“I don’t think I know any of my neighbors,” Leila mused and before you could comment on it, a familiar voice reached inside the room.

“No Sam but I’m just saying—” Bucky stopped by the entrance the moment he caught the sight of you and he raised his brows.

“Hey,” he said after a beat, his lips curling into a smirk. “Mind if we join you?”

“Jesus…” Becca heaved a sigh and turned to Leila. “Do you wanna dance?”

“Sure!”

“Great, let’s go,” she said as she stood up and left the room with Leila following her. Sam and Bucky entered the room, a girl following Bucky right behind him, and you could see they were holding hands. You tried not to roll your eyes and smiled at Sam instead.

“Hey there.”

“It’s been a while,” he said as he squeezed at your shoulder, then sat next to Sarah. Bucky took a seat, and the girl sat right next to him, still not letting go of his hand.

“Look at that, you’re here too,” Bucky told Ethan. “Let’s hope tonight ends better for you than your other date huh?”

You held onto Ethan’s arm, leaning your head on his shoulder without saying anything and Bucky’s jaw clenched.

“Fingers crossed for that,” Ethan said. “But in any case, my awesome doctor is here so I’m prepared if it doesn’t.”

Sarah chuckled and Bucky leaned back on the couch.

“Sam, this is Emmett—”

“Ethan,” you and Ethan corrected him at the same time and Bucky’s smile widened.

“My bad,” he said. “He’s Y/N’s… friend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ethan told Sam while you played with the straw in your cocktail, keeping your glances on the girl.

“And you are?”

“Allison,” she said and you exchanged glances with Sarah who shook her head at you as if telling you not to do what you were about to, but you turned to Allison.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you said. “Excuse my manners, it’s just that we don’t often see Bucky spending time with women vertically, so it took me a minute to shake off the shock.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at you while Sam pursed his lips, trying to keep a straight face.

“But look at you Buck!” you told him. “You’re improving yourself.”

“At least one of us is,” Bucky stated, making you glare at him. Sam cleared his throat, shifting his weight.

“Ethan just moved to the city,” Sarah said in an attempt to change the subject and Ethan nodded fervently.

“Yeah it’s been less than a month, I’m pretty new here.”

“And he says people are rude, including his neighbors,” Sarah said and Sam chuckled.

“Let me guess, you grew up in a small town?”

“That obvious?” Ethan asked while you and Bucky glared at each other, neither of you averting your glances. Allison frowned slightly.

“Is everything okay?”  

“Great.”

“Peachy.” Both you and Bucky said at the same time and the waitress walked inside with drinks. Bucky took his glass of whiskey, then took a sip while Ethan sat up straighter.

“I’m just saying, where I grew up, people liked helping others and making friends.”

“You grew up in Narnia?”

“Okay I know how it sounds,” Ethan said with a laugh. “But I mean I guess it’s what I’m used to. I want to go back eventually but…”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, grinning. “Look at that Charm. He wants to move back to a small town.”

 “It’s a future plan, after decades probably,” Ethan added in a rush. “It’s just so peaceful there—”

“And Charm loves peaceful,” Bucky said. “She eventually wants to just leave this all behind and go live in a cute cottage or something, away from the family business.”

You gritted your teeth, putting your cocktail glass down and Ethan looked between you two while Sarah ran a hand over her face.

“You’d fit right in too,” Bucky told you. “I hear people in small towns never let anything go and can hold grudges for years.”

 “You on the other hand wouldn’t fit in at all,” you shot back. “Ethan says people are nice there so I doubt they tolerate anyone who’s an arrogant asshole.”

“There it is,” Sam murmured. “They lasted longer than I thought.”

Ethan blinked a couple of times. “Uh, how about we all just calm down—”

“They won’t,” Sarah said helpfully and Sam heaved a sigh.

“I knew I should’ve left with Steve.”

 “You really can’t wrap your mind around the fact that people can change, can you?” Bucky asked as you leaned forward, glaring daggers at him.

“Oh I can wrap my mind around that just fine; people can change, you however—” you started but your phone started vibrating on the table so you grabbed it, seeing your father’s caller ID flash across the screen.

“I’ll be back,” you said and pushed yourself off the couch, then made your way out of the club, your bodyguards following you. You took a couple of steps away from the building so that the music wouldn’t be as loud, then answered the phone.

“Daddy?”

“Y/N sweetheart,” he said. “You didn’t text me when you got there.”

“Oh I forgot!” you said, leaning back against the wall. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “You and Becca are having fun?”

“Mm hm,” you said. “At least I was until Bucky showed up.”

“Bucky is there too?” he asked. “That’s good.”

You rolled your eyes. “Daddy…”

The amusement in his voice was clear; “I’m just saying.”

“I’m going to hang up now,” you told him and he chuckled.

“Be very careful alright? And don’t stay until the dawn.”

“We’ll see about that, love you!” you said and hung up before he could argue. You pushed yourself off the wall but as soon as you turned, your eyes fell on Bucky and you let out a groan.

“Jesus Christ, what is it this time?” you asked. “Let me guess, have my babies or something?”

Bucky shot you an almost reprimanding look.

“If you insist,” he said, making you scoff before you saw his driver stopping the car in front of you both and he opened the door for him.

“You’re leaving?” you asked and Bucky’s head shot up, a look of surprise crossing his handsome features.

“Did you—me and Sam are meeting Steve, something came up but do you want to come with?”

“Absolutely not,” you said quickly. “It was just a question.”

Bucky paused for a moment and cleared his throat.

“So now that you got your revenge, are you happy?”

“My revenge?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “What, I broke your heart almost ten years ago—”

“That’s kind of an exaggeration.”

“And now everyone knows you turned my proposal down.”

“Also kind of an exaggeration to call that nonsense a proposal,” you pointed out and he held up his hands, mocking surrender.

“So when will you get rid of him?” he asked and you pulled your brows together.

“Ethan?” you asked. “What makes you think I want to?”

Bucky’s lips curled into a smile.

“Because he will bore you,” he said. “And as much as you like to think otherwise, you don’t do boredom.”

“Oh right, because you know so much about me,” you stated, sarcasm laced in your tone. “Sure.”

Bucky’s piercing blue eyes held your gaze for a moment, making your heart skip a beat before he took a deep breath, as if trying to pull himself together.

“Let me know when you’re done with the whole poems and roses bullshit and want actual power,” he told you as he walked to his car. “Ready when you are, Charm.”  

The driver closed his door and you glared at the car as it drove away, then rolled your shoulders back.

“In your dreams buddy,” you grumbled to yourself, then flipped the phone in your hand and made your way back into the club.

Chapter 7

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky barnes #mob!bucky x reader #mob!bucky #mob bucky barnes #mob bucky barnes x reader #mob bucky x reader #mob boss!bucky #mob bucky #mob boss bucky barnes #bucky x reader #mafia!bucky barnes #mafia bucky x reader #mafia bucky barnes #mafia!bucky #mob au #mob!au

[kneelingshadowsalome]

🤠🫶:

I am CACKLING like a cartoon villain oh my GOD you are a genius!!! Of course the toxic king breaks his back of COURSE he does the fucking idiot (affectionate), so there's fuck-all he can do with reader's big announcement that this was all worth it and he can totally get some...yknow, in a couple months. AHHHHH. And she just wanted to give him something to look forward to, motivation for the physical therapy <33 (she boops his nose while he lays there wishing for death and cowering from her, of course she does, omg. i love them your honor!!)

and maybe she gets more confident now that he can't fucking move 💀💀 (lmao, oh god. König if you weren't such a menace this would have been easier for her a lot earlier and nobody would be in this situation) and maybe this leads to way more sensual  touching from her on her own initiative; she's curious, after all, and she does like him a lot and she's just trying to help him get better, you know? and König eats that shit up, starts telling her all about these itches and sore muscles he can't reach, could she be a dear (trying to act like he's not literally begging for her touch) and then he basically blacks out the first time her hands linger and drift, but probably better that than the things he was going to say to her. So König wants to die, this is too much, he's done, he's a goner each time she visits him. and damn her, she's a devoted little thing, never misses visiting hours. Always so sweet and caring towards him and it's the perfect image of a faithful, doting housewife without the wife or the house or the sex part of it lmao. And of course he can’t move when all this is happening!!! so basically just more torture and his mind just kind of breaks into little tiny pieces held together by demented lovesick lust-filled fantasies. he says some absolutely filthy things (makes the cunt licking look family friendly in comparison), he can't control it really anymore, and poor reader is shocked/horrified and blushing furiously, but thinks it's the medications and the pain and whatnot, tries to be understanding, only chides him once she gets her shock under control (and he's actually stone cold sober the entire fucking time lmao, but he ain't telling her that, she'd run if she knew). 

AND THEN MAYBE~~ (dun dun dun) one day reader is FINALLY reaching under the stupid hospital bed blanket - he can feel her soft little fingertips and carefully manicured nails travel down his abs, trace the V of his hips (my man is going to black out again, good lord) and she's looking at him with big round eyes and she's nervous she's going to do it wrong and he won't like it (as if), and it's taking FOREVER for her to get her hand between his legs bc sweet little thing just wants to do it right, and he's out of his mind, half-crying, whisper-begging at this point (it's probably not even English, not German either, just mindless pleas). Her hand FINALLY wraps around his length and he's lucky he doesn't cum right then and there; she's blushing so violently at taking a man in her hands for the first time and she's seeking HIS approval with those pretty doe eyes as she bites her lip. So of course that's when there's a knock at the door (the universe hates him, he's going to scream, whoever this is is lucky he can't move and they might die anyway from the blast radius of sheer rage) and a doctor comes in for daily rounds. Reader barely has time to yank her hand back before doc sticks his head through the privacy curtains and yep our man's heart might actually just stop, he is just going to keel over right then and there. 

so not even a handjob for our poor king <3 if he doesn’t die (lol) he transfers to in-home care IMMEDIATELY and finally gets reader to himself in a more private setting where he can lock the fucking door. this is the part where I look away lmao, I'd leave him blue-balled & suffering forever ...am i a mean person?? also RIP to that doctor. this verse is so hilarious & wonderful and i love it, feels like a tug of war between tropes and genres if that makes sense which results in your delightful genius works, thank you thank you <333

This is so beautiful. I am puddle & I can't thank you enough for collaborating & I LOVE YOU Howdy anon 💋 and um, I think I got a little too excited about their first time lol oops (I can't leave him blue-balled forever! Poor man would die of heart failure 🥺)

(Tamara and Demon (1864), Mihály von Zichy)

Word count: 3.7 k

CW: 18+ NSFW. Corruption kink goes brrrr. Masturbating, dirty talking, obsessive/yandere König. Awkward handjob. First time/virgin!reader. Kinda sweet and fluffy 🩷 Also coersion/mildly dubious consent, tread carefully!

A/N: You can find the story of König x virgin!reader and their relationship so far by following the tag (könig x virgin reader)

Oh she visits him alright!

She’s much braver now that König is bedridden and can’t move. They actually spend more time together after the weightlifting accident. The intense stares haven’t gone anywhere, he's actually gotten worse in that department, but otherwise, König is behaving quite nicely.

He seems to like it when she reads to him next to his bed, which is immensely cute in her opinion. Armed with a new book in the crook of her arm, she’s on her way to visit him again for another session.

She's already accustomed to simply floating in after giving his door a light rap. She's also gotten used to the sight of guns and knives and the smell of army storage, even the manly, pungent stench of sweat that lingers on top of it. 

But it’s not the potpourri of masculine military scents that stop her at the door and nearly make her drop her book.

The King himself is lying naked on the bed – well, naked except for the bag of a mask he seems to hold on to like it’s his soul. This time, she doesn’t even see it: her eyes fly straight to the towering erection he’s stroking, urgently with one hand while the other cups a pair of shaved, pale balls.

"König…?" 

The man who calls himself King curses – in German or in English, she can’t tell. The sight of him there, caught red-handed on touching himself, only makes her feel sorry for him. König has nowhere to run and hide, nothing to cover himself with, he's not supposed to even move yet. And he is not the one who should be embarrassed, after all, she's the one who barged in on his privacy. 

Although… König doesn't look embarrassed. 

He only looks drunk and sweaty and in need.

She thinks about turning back and leaving him with hurried excuses because what the hell is she supposed to do…? Read him a book? He is still gripping his cock like it’s a sword or something, breathing like he just ran a marathon. 

And speaking of swords, that weapon is far too big for her... Hell, she doesn’t know much about swords but she would deem that sword far too big for any woman.

If she were clever, she would run away from that stare and that huge, monstrous cock. But she’s not that clever, that much is clear because everyone she’s told she’s dating König have warned her about him. Every cell in her body is warning her of danger, but she keeps running back to him, over and over again…

Well, at least he can’t move, she thinks, takes a hesitant step, and places the book down on a table. Just when she’s about to whisper some calming, soothing words to this beast, the beast speaks.

"Take your clothes off," comes a husky command from the bed, and she freezes with her fingertips still on the cover of her cute little book about German fairytales (she knows König likes his fairytales bloody). 

Normally, she would make a scene out of such audacity. She might even storm out of the room and vow to never speak to him again for daring to talk to her like that.

But… 

He looks so desperate. König looks like a giant bound for torture on that bed. And he's not the only one who has been tormented these past few weeks… The incident at the hospital has plagued her dreams every night as she has tucked herself in with the memories of König's… sword.

Perhaps it would help with his pain if she offers him relief in his time of need. No harm can come from that, surely. She doesn't know how exactly taking her clothes off will help, but if that is his wish, then it’s the least she can do. 

To her and his surprise, her hands drift to the hem of the top she’s wearing. She’s feeling rather wild – something about seeing König completely naked yet unable to move is making her act like this. Like she's the brave one. Like she’s in control now.

Dedicated to her task, she pulls the shirt over her head.

Nothing moves on that bed for a good long while. As far as she can tell, König might've stopped breathing. But by the time she takes her bra off, there’s a swallow under that hood. Then the hand slowly starts to stroke again, the moist, slick sounds continue as her breasts fall free from their confinement. 

She’s breathing heavily too, and the man on the bed is stiff as a stone: every single muscle in his body is pulled taut as he stares at her breasts like they’re the Revelation of John. Then those blue eyes lift to her face just before another command is issued.

"Take off the rest."

"The–the rest…?"

"I just want to watch you." 

His voice is hoarse and croaky, and she feels even more sorry for him – König must be in so much pain and she just keeps on teasing him. She started this, so perhaps it’s better just to see it through. 

What’s crazy though is that he actually moans when she gets out of her pants, socks, and finally, her underwear. The slick sounds of fapping increase, and he’s moaning.

She hasn’t even touched him yet… She’s just standing there before him completely naked, heat pooling low in her belly as König continues to work himself with what looks like both pleasure and pain.

"Komm… Come here," he orders next, out of breath but surprisingly politely, and she has no other option than to approach his bed. She sits down as chastely as possible, then almost jumps back up when a steel-hard thigh brushes against hers.

"Touch it. Ja?" 

Her eyes grow as wide as they can go as she takes in the cock she has touched once before, briefly and under a hospital sheet. Now it’s right there, foreign and demanding. 

Better just to see it through, her mind tweets as her hand reaches out through what feels like water. Like before, there's a sharp intake of air under the hood as she takes him in her hand. It’s even hotter than she remembered, and gives a tight pull the instant her fingers wrap around it. 

"Like this…?" 

"Just like that…"

Her meek little mouse peeps and multiple bats of eyelashes are like drug to him, it seems. The man is as tight as a bowstring when she starts to move her hand up and down, mimicking the motions she just saw him do. They're not as fast as his, and her grip must be way gentler, but she seems to do surprisingly well for an inexperienced virgin. The poor man looks like he’s about to faint on that bed. 

What she doesn’t expect, however, is König to touch her.

A large, warm palm sweeps across her ribs and lands on her breast, softly, as if he's concerned that he might scare her off. She's the one who's stopped breathing now… And then he rubs her, squeezes her. Gently… Reverently.

"You're soft," comes a strained sigh from the bed as she tries to keep her own grip both tight and gentle. She’s starting to get so wet she fears she will stain his sheets. Bewildered, she tries to change her position, but the palm cupping her breast seems to have bound her to the bed too. Nothing moves, except her hand and his as they explore each other. A giant and an angel...

Something hot and wet meets her hand as she strokes him – is he cumming already…? But it can't be, she has heard there’s supposed to be quite a bit of it when a man cums, and there’s only a few ample drops of clear liquid oozing out of the slit on his tip.

"Can't wait for the day I get to make you scream," he rasps, and her heart is hammering in her chest as more cum-like liquid streams from the slit of his cock, adding to the lewd, moist sounds of the handjob she’s giving him.

König doesn’t know she has never even kissed a guy… 

"We'll… we'll get there," she tries to soothe him, thanking her lucky stars this man can't move.

"I want to fuck you," he continues, sounding more and more desperate. "Good and hard… until you cry under me. Want to see if you can take it all in."

"König…"

"It’s a long cock, ja? I can make you squirt."

"König, I'm still a virgin… You can't–"

"Nh–Sorry… sorry."

His head falls back on the pillow, his muscles relax just for the tiniest moment. But if she thought he would finally leave her to it, she was wrong. The hand of a giant killer drops between her legs next. 

She’s sitting on the bed like she would sit on a side saddle, with one leg slightly bent, giving the horniest man on earth good enough access to the heat between her legs. She doesn’t stop him – she doesn’t even want to – as broad fingertips meet her pubic hair and slip between her already slick folds. 

"...Was? Pretty angel is all wet," he comments on her state of mess. Approvingly: like all his fears have suddenly disappeared. 

She has to fight the urge to roll her head back and moan as those agile fingers start to give her full, generous strokes. She almost messes up her rhythm while stroking his cock, which seems to have gotten even harder.

His fingers delve into her with more courage, they tease her tight, tender nub with excited circles. She tries not to jolt and shiver as he makes her even more slick, tries to ignore how her nipples grow hard from that burning stare alone. 

"Such a pretty girl… and so wet. You sure you don't want it?"

She thinks about it – how it would feel if he somehow was able to take her on that bed. If he pushed that cock inside her and if it would hurt or make her moan even more. Even the thought of trying to fit that inside her makes her thighs feel like pudding.

"I don’t know… You're still recovering."

"Heh… That's not a problem. You can be on top. I'll help," he offers as if it’s a gentlemanly thing to do, to help her bounce on that huge cock. 

"I–I'd rather do it the classic way."

"I'll show you classic when I get better," he promises with unconcealed greed. "I'll show you all the other ways too. We’ll do it any way you like."

She tries hard not to whimper when hearing his promise. She tries her best to pleasure the biggest cock she’s ever seen. It’s ridiculous that it’s the only cock she’s ever seen... What sort of a cruel joke was it from the universe to choose this king-sized Austrian to be her first man? 

She wonders how König would react if she told him he’s too big for her.

Would he try to change her mind? Would he have a meltdown? 

Would he cry…? 

She doubts if this man ever cries. The last time a brutal soldier like him shed tears was probably when he was a kid. But he did look like he was about to cry that one time when she booped his nose... 

And despite being a cold-blooded soldier and somewhat awkward at times, König has always been so, so delicate with her. He's tender even now, touching her with the gentlest avarice there is. But that searing stare wants to possess her, devour her, and it makes her bite her lip nearly to the point of drawing blood.

"Sit on my face?" he offers next, this time sounding so desperate it's almost pathetic. 

Sit on his face… 

What would he even do? Lick her? Try to push his tongue inside her while finishing himself?

The thought alone makes her mess up her rhythm again and causes her pussy to pulse more wetness on his fingers. She secretly hopes he would slip at least one of those fingers inside.

"Let me see your cunt," he begs. God – this giant mercenary is begging to see her poor, aching pussy. "Just… let me at least taste you–"

She can’t even reply before the hand between her legs gives a sudden twitch and stops those delicious rubs. Actually, his whole body is going rigid. 

"König…? Am I hurting you?"

"I'm–gonna cum…" 

Oh god.

Oh god ohgod-

She's not sure what gives her more of a fright: the sound that leaves her soldier boyfriend as he cums, or the bright, hot flash of liquid that shoots from the cock in her hand.

He groans like it’s torture. Long and hard, so loud that she’s sure other people can hear it in the neighboring rooms, perhaps even further than that. There’s one, two, three spurts of thick, hot liquid, after that, she loses count because it spills to coat his stomach, it runs down her hand, and she’s pumping him in a frenzy while he just keeps on moaning.

"Slow, slow down–" he tries to groan in the middle of his climax and she obeys immediately, reveling in how his cock still throbs in her hand when she finally stops moving altogether. More cum gushes out with every strong pulse, even if the eruptions are less violent. Ropes of it already cover his abs, it coats her hand with thick film – it's far more than she would ever have expected, and a shiver goes through her as she imagines what it must feel like to take all of that semen inside her… 

"Ah… Das war wirklich…" König sighs dreamily while she must be looking like a startled deer.

Yes, that was really something… She doesn’t know what to do with his cock, or her hand, or the mess that coats half his body.

Luckily, he instructs her to take his old shirt from the floor and clean herself with it. She cleans him with it too, dabs the black t-shirt over his muscled stomach, even tries to swipe his crotch with it as gently as she can. 

König looks happier by the minute, looks at her like she’s an angel or something, and when she fully commits herself to getting him cleaned up, he gets another erection. She’s quite horrified – how is this even possible…? She thought men would need at least hours to get it back up again.

"Come on top," he offers, sounding all but seductive with that commanding tone. 

She swallows, thinking if König wants to be a "gentleman" and finish her too. With his tongue... or something else.

"Just for a hug? We don't have to put it in."

She seems to be under some spell tonight, because she simply drops the poor, cum-stained shirt back on the floor and crawls to the bed and on top of him.

König is hot and lean as she presses herself against him, her thighs now straddling the intimidating thing between his legs. Her head falls right beside his mask-covered face, and the smell of guns and fuel and sweat is prominent there, as is his natural odor, the woodland musk she has grown so fond of.

"There we go," his arms go around her waist, pressing her tighter against him. There’s no escape now, she thinks, but like always with König, she eventually softens and relaxes, molds against him… Accepts her fate.

"You did well, Meine Liebe," he even caresses her head as she slowly melts into his hold. "I’m sorry if I frightened you. Will you forgive me?"

"Um, of course."

"A gentleman should always apologize if he has upset his lady. Do you agree?"

"Uh… Yes."

"I promise to be a good man. The best man you could ever hope for."

She bites her lip as König continues to caress her. She’s far from upset, but she doesn’t want to tell him that and excite him too much. Otherwise he might end up hurting himself. He hugs her tight, and seems to have calmed down more than ever.

Is this what an orgasm does to a man...? The change is drastic, and her lover feels warm, and tender, and inviting. He even whispers more promises on her skin. They're nonsensical but gentle, König is probably trying to be romantic, but she can feel how his breaths grow heavier as time goes on. After all, they're both naked, pressed tightly together, closer than ever before, and he's having an erection again...

She tries not to shiver at the things he tells her. The husky promises of love and protection: "You are mine now, ja? Don’t be afraid. I would never hurt you. I will always keep you safe." And then, "You’re still wet, mein Mädchen… How about we practice just a little bit? We'll do it slow. Ja? I will make you moan…"

He coos those things in her ear while holding her in place for his cock. She starts to move on her own accord; it’s like her hips have their own will. Soon, her entrance meets the tip of him, still hot and bulged, and she starts to grind against it with barely restrained greed. She is wet – wetter than ever. 

König curses multiple times under his breath, and she feels so, so filthy for loving how unhinged he is, how unhinged she is – spread wide on top of him like that, trying to get off of the faintest touch of his cock. She’s so soaked that the hot tip of him glides across her folds with no effort at all. 

She feels like she’s doing something forbidden, taking her pleasure from him like that, but König doesn’t seem to know what the word filthy even means. He keeps praising her, guiding her, helping her, telling her how good she feels, that she’s doing so, so well.

Soon, he’s asking to put it in – just the tip. 

She tries her best not to sound too needy as she breathes a soft, mousy "Yes."

"How does that feel?"

He’s panting, few inches of thick cock inside her, and she thinks, did she just lose her virginity? Is this it? Why isn’t it hurting?

“You like that, hmm?”

He feels so, so good, pressing her against him, spreading her legs with his own, trying to feed more of that marvelous thickness inside. It doesn’t hurt, at least not yet. It makes her dizzy to even think what she must be looking like, with her legs spread and a huge cock partly inside her.

She should say something… What was it that he asked? Oh yes, if she likes it. She more than just likes it, and tries to push herself down to get more of him in. König reacts immediately with a ton of praise leveled at her in the softest possible way.

“That's it, that's it, pretty girl, take it in…”

Him cheering her on like that only makes her decide that it’s time to let go and let go for good. But she can’t get him in by herself, not while he’s holding her a prisoner like this.

"More… König, please," she hears herself whimper. 

God, is this all it took...? Him holding her close and letting her find the joys of sex herself? Apparently so, because he sounds goddamn smug when he turns his head to rasp more needy, throaty things in her ear.

"Ah… Knew you'd beg for it… "

His voice makes her inner walls clamp down on him, and that’s when it hurts, but only slightly. She wants him so much that it’s painful. And König… God, he keeps on showering her with praises and promises.

"I'll show you how good it can be… That's it, let me hear you. It's a good cock, ja? Good cock for a pretty girl…"

It’s not even fully in before he starts the thrusts. That’s when she knows she has lost her virginity. She’s being plunged. Not taken… Just… loved, thoroughly and deeply. 

When she moans, finally sounds as filthy as can be, he tells her how tight she is. How good she feels. He says he’s going to cum again soon. But not before her…

He doesn’t need to instruct her to rub her clit on his pelvis in rhythm with the thrusts. She is smart enough to do that by herself. And the thoughts of This is it, I’m not a virgin anymore have turned into Is it possible to cum on your first time…?

Everything’s perfect, all things considered. But there’s something missing.

"König," she swallows arduously. "I’ve never been kissed... Would you– Could you…?"

He stops moving, releases his hold a little. A strong heart is hammering inside his chest, she can feel it against her own fluttering heartbeat. 

Is it stupid of her to ask…? Will he only laugh at her for being so sentimental?

Apparently no, because it’s the warmest possible command that surrounds her this time.

"Lift the mask, angel."

By the time their lips meet, both hesitant and needy, he's fully inside her and holding her like a mountain. She feels like she's in a fairytale now: the only thing that moves is his mouth, and hers. Theirs is a slow, hungry rhythm. 

Her first kiss is not only awkwardly romantic and sweet, it’s sinfully good. 

The kiss also does things she did not expect. Her pussy goes tight around him, so tight that a whimper or two escape her nose, and König only purrs – she feels like the softest little creature in the embrace of a lean jaguar.

And she thinks… 

Why on earth didn't they do this months ago?

#answered #yandere könig #könig smut #könig x virgin reader