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fluentmoviequoter · 1 month

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Rook Book

Requested Here!

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!metro!reader

Summary: When you return to the Mid-Wilshire station for a Metro inspection, you don't expect to run into your former TO, Tim Bradford.

Warnings: fluff, brief angst, incorrect police procedures

Word Count: 2.4k+ words

Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

“Boot, let’s go!” Tim urges. “You can talk to your friends later.”

“Good morning to you, too, Officer Bradford,” Lucy replies. “How’d you-“

“Shop.”

“I just-“

“Shop.”

Lucy sighs before walking away from Tim. She’s used to his grumpiness by now, but she can tell by his attitude that there will be a few Tim Tests today. The war bags are already in the trunk, so Lucy isn’t sure what the rush is.

✯✯✯✯✯

“It’s been a while,” Wade says as he shakes your hand.

“Too long,” you reply with a smile. “When my captain mentioned this, I knew I had to take the assignment.”

“So, what does Metro want with a station review? Isn’t that usually IA’s thing?”

“Typically, yes. I think my role here is best described as a scout. Cap wants some new blood and we’ve got a couple of Metro openings. We need the best, and for some reason, I get to choose them.”

“You’ve already chosen one, I’m sure.”

Wade smiles as you furrow your brows. He shakes his head and reaches for something on his desk.

“Who?” you ask.

“If you don’t know, I’m not telling you.”

Someone knocks on the door, and you turn around as Smitty steps inside.

“I thought you quit,” he says when he sees you.

“I think I know who I won’t be choosing,” you tell Wade.

He tosses you a set of keys and waves. You leave his office and glance around. The station hasn’t changed much since the last time you were there, but you’re sure the people have. As you walk through the bullpen, you see someone you recognize.

“Bradford?” you call.

Tim freezes at the sound of your voice. He hasn’t seen you in years, yet hearing his last name come out of your mouth takes him back to when he was a rookie. Walking several steps ahead of him, Lucy stops and turns at the call of Bradford’s name. She’s expecting to be held up for a minute or two, but when she sees Tim turn slowly toward you, she knows that it’s more than that.

“Hey,” Tim says.

When he sees your smile, he relaxes and steps toward you. You don’t miss his initial reaction, though, and it makes your smile grow.

“I did not think you’d still be here,” you begin. “Maybe I should’ve done a better job.”

Tim nods, and Lucy rushes to his side. She smiles and extends her hand toward you before she speaks.

“Hi, I’m Lucy, uh, Officer Chen. How do you know Officer Bradford?” she asks.

“Nice to meet you,” you reply before telling her your name. “And you are?”

“Oh, I’m Tim’s rookie.”

“You’re a TO?” you ask incredulously as you turn to look at Tim. “Seriously?”

“Lucy,” Tim begins, “this is my TO.”

Lucy’s jaw drops and you chuckle. Wade calls your name, and you look over your shoulder at him. After he beckons you to return to his office, you turn back to Tim.

“I’ll see you around,” you say.

“Why?” he inquires.

“Metro’s recruiting.”

Tim watches you go and doesn’t move until you’re out of his sight. His shoulders are tense, but there’s a small smile on his face that Lucy hasn’t seen before.

“You never mentioned her!” Lucy exclaims.

“Because she was my TO, not yours,” Tim argues.

“She doesn’t seem that much older than you.”

“I’m not that much older than you.”

Lucy raises her brows but remains silent this time.

“Our ages don’t matter. Aren’t you supposed to be in the shop?” Tim argues.

“Aren’t you?”

Tim tilts his head to the side, and Lucy decides this isn’t a battle worth fighting. She’ll ask about you later, anyway. After Lucy walks away, Tim glances towards Wade’s office once more. He remembers every moment he spent with you, and the memories are making it hard to focus.

“You drive,” Tim tells Lucy as he enters the garage area.

“Are you serious?”

“Am I ever unserious?”

Lucy nods and takes the keys from him. As she climbs into the driver’s seat, she realizes why he doesn’t want to drive. He can’t, for some reason.

“You had a crush on your TO,” she accuses quietly.

“Do you want me to quiz you on everything in the rook book?” Tim replies. “Because if you keep this up, that’s what you have to look forward to.”

“You don’t have one.”

“No, because I actually know everything in it. Now, you can pick. Be quiet and drive or I start asking questions about cavity search procedures.”

“I will be quiet and drive,” Lucy decides. “For now.”

Tim takes a deep breath as he remembers the rook book you kept with you when he was a boot. Every memory he has of you is good, and now he’s concerned that Lucy is right. Not that he did have a crush on you, he knows he did, but that he still does.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Bradford,” Wade calls over the radio. “I need you and Chen to return to the station.”

“Copy that,” Tim responds.

“What do you think that’s about?” Lucy asks.

“The Metro inspection.”

“I didn’t know about a Metro inspection.”

“I can tell you’re about to burst, so you can ask one question before we get back to the station,” Tim offers.

“Ooh! Wait, just one? How am I supposed to choose? Because I want to know about what kind of TO she was, but I also need to ask if she knows that you liked her.”

“Choose one.”

Lucy taps her fingers on the steering wheel for a moment before smiling. “Did she test you like you test me?”

“Are you asking if she had a version of Tim Tests?”

“Yes.”

Tim nods as he answers, “Yeah. She gave me tests. It’s one of the reasons I started doing Tim Tests. Practical knowledge and experience are important, but she’s the one who taught me that.”

“That’s so cute! You based your teaching style on your teacher crush.”

“Chen,” Tim warns.

“Okay, okay. Then did she quiz you on the rook book, too?”

Lucy knows she is pressing her luck with asking another question. Tim doesn’t answer, and as she nears the station, expects he’ll make her do pushups later.

“Yeah, she did. Always had a copy of the rook book with her. Sometimes, she’d read it while I drove around and would only talk to me to ask me questions.��

Lucy smiles to herself, now completely convinced that Tim had a crush on you. The way he talks about you and remembers you, though, makes her think those feelings may still be alive. Once the shop is parked at the station, Lucy decides to get to the bottom of Tim’s relationship with you, and if there isn’t one, she needs to make something happen.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Bradford, thanks for coming back so quickly,” Wade says. “Head into my office. Chen, I’ve got an assignment for you.”

“Yes, sir,” Lucy replies.

“There’s a Metro inspection happening today, and I need you to take the Metro officer around, show her everything she needs to see, make introductions, whatever she asks.”

“Yes, sir.”

Lucy tries to hide her smile because she suspects that you are the Metro officer she’s about to spend a bunch of time with. Maybe you’ll be more open than Tim. When you approach her with a smile, Lucy knows that her investigation of your relationships will be more fun than your inspection of the station.

“Officer Chen, sorry to pull you from patrol, but Sergeant Grey said you were one of the best,” you greet.

“No problem,” Lucy says. “And you can call me Lucy if you want.”

“Okay, Lucy, I would love a tour of Mid-Wilshire station. It’s been a long time since I was here, so walk me through like it’s my first time.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Lucy turns and leads you toward the front desk, to start the tour as she would with a visitor.

“Lucy?” you ask. “What’s Tim like as a TO?”

“He’s great. I mean, he’s grumpy and has a ton of Tim Tests, but I like riding with him.”

“Tim Tests,” you murmur under your breath. “Cute.”

Lucy smiles at your reaction before she begins the tour. You don’t mention Tim again for a while, and Lucy thinks that you are too focused on your inspection to think about him. As you near the bullpen at the end of the tour, Tim is exiting Wade’s office.

“You abducted my boot for a personalized tour?” Tim asks you.

“Lucy mentioned Tim Tests,” you say, changing the subject. “Don’t tell me copied my rook book move, too.”

Tim rubs his thumb across his jaw before answering, “I didn’t.”

“He told me that you used to carry a rook book around and would ask him questions,” Lucy interjects. “I’m really glad he didn’t take that idea.”

You look at Tim with a smile as you ask, “That’s all you told her?”

Lucy looks back and forth between you and Tim, but neither of you seems to remember she’s there.

“The rook book wasn’t a rook book,” Tim says after a moment. “It was just a book that she put the cover on. Those days that she didn’t want to talk to me, she’d just read through our shift and ask me random questions to make it look like she was doing her job.”

“Yeah. Because I’m the one who had trouble doing my job,” you reply with a laugh.

Tim shakes his head, and Lucy suddenly feels the urge to interrupt before he says something out of line.

“How’s the inspection going?” he asks instead.

“How’d your meeting go?” you counter. “Because the inspection is just a cover and we both know it.”

“Cover for what?” Lucy asks.

“She’s recruiting for Metro,” Tim explains. “Looking for the best talent in our station to move to a new team.”

“We’ve got three openings,” you remind him. “Just think about it, okay?”

Tim looks toward Lucy, but you give him a knowing nod. Lucy feels lost like a kid listening to her parents talk about something she hasn’t experienced yet.

“Thanks for the tour, Officer Chen,” you say. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

You say bye to Tim before walking past him. His fingers flex at his side as you pass, close enough to touch. Tim closes his eyes for a moment before turning to Lucy.

“Let’s go. Patrol isn’t over yet,” he says.

“Are you sure you don’t want to grab a book first?” she responds. “I know, shop. I’m going.”

✯✯✯✯✯

After the day of your inspection, Lucy doesn’t hear your name again. Tim returns to his high-stress tests, driving, and random procedural questions. You clearly made an impact on Tim just by being near him, and as Lucy’s rookie exam gets closer, she wonders if Tim pushed you away.

“Can I ask a question?” Lucy asks.

“Depends. Is it about the exam? Because that’s all you should be concerned about,” Tim says.

“No. Well, sort of. Did your TO help you study?”

“Are we talking about my experience as a rookie or about my TO?”

“Your TO,” Lucy answers softly.

“Fine. Ask away.”

“Why hasn’t she been back?”

“She has a job. Metro is busy, so she doesn’t have a lot of time to make personal visits.”

“Did she offer you one of the positions?”

“She did.”

“And you didn’t take it? Why not?”

“Because you’re still a rookie. I have to get you through this.”

“You could’ve handed me off, that happens all the time. Did you say no because of her?”

“I didn’t say no, Chen. I said not yet.”

“Metro positions don’t open every day! You can’t throw away your career to drive me around for a few more months!”

“Lucy!” Tim yells. “Drop it.”

Lucy sits back and presses her lips together to stay quiet. Tim’s cell phone rings, and he glances at it before raising it to his ear.

“Hello?” Tim answers.

Lucy looks over in shock. Tim has never answered a personal call in the time they’ve been riding together. Whoever is on the other end speaks for a moment, and Tim listens intently.

“Got it… Yep, see you then.”

Tim ends the call and drops his phone to continue driving.

“Who was that?” Lucy asks.

Tim looks over but doesn’t answer. He says, “Read your rook book,” and keeps driving.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Officer Bradford,” you call as he and Lucy enter the station.

Tim leaves Lucy and walks to you. He stops beside Wade’s office and waits for you to begin. You told him on the phone to come straight to the station when his shift ended and he’s ready to know why. Nolan and Jackson enter behind Lucy and silence as they watch Tim talk to you.

“Who is that?” Nolan whispers.

“Tim’s TO,” Lucy answers.

“My captain wanted to call you, but I thought it would be better to tell you in person,” you begin. “You passed the Metro test, and your spot is waiting for you.”

Tim smiles, glad he has his back to the rookies. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything I haven’t done before.”

“Which is?”

“See potential in you.”

Tim nods and thanks you again. You look over his shoulder and the rookies look away quickly, but they’re less than stealthy and it is obvious they’re trying to listen in.

“Has Lucy been asking about me?” you ask.

“Nonstop. Don’t look so happy about it, though.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Mostly if I had a crush on you.”

“We both know you did,” you say.

Tim doesn’t argue, and your smile grows.

“I know you told her about my tests and the rookie book, but what else does she know?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s interesting. Because I don’t know any more than that and I’ve known you a whole lot longer.” You glance down at your Metro uniform before adding, “Oh, and my captain also said that Metro officers are allowed to have interpersonal relationships as long as they don’t interfere with work.”

Tim looks up quickly with wide eyes. You stifle a laugh, and he rolls his eyes.

“So… are you ready to admit you had a crush on me?” you ask.

“Something like that.”

You wave at Lucy and step away from Tim. He reaches an arm out to stop you, but you only wink at him before you continue walking.

“Are you going to do something this time?” Wade asks as he exits his office.

“We’ll see,” Tim answers. “Lucy has to pass the rookie exam first.”

“It looks like she just got herself a tutor.”

Tim turns and finds you and Lucy talking excitedly. You smile at him, and Tim feels like a boot again.

“This is gonna be fun,” Wade and Lucy say simultaneously.

Neither you nor Tim hear them, too busy looking at one another.

> part 2: Rook Book to Remember Me By

#tim bradford x reader #tim bradford x fem!reader #hanna writes✯#tim bradford x you #tim bradford imagine #tim bradford fic #tim bradford the rookie #tim bradford #the rookie abc #requests #fem!reader

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1-800-kami · 8 months

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agnes, just stop and think a minute

gojo satoru x reader (1.2k)

" you're gone but you're on my mind, i'm lost but i don't know why. ,,

warnings: CHAPTER 236 SPOILERS, reader and shoko r going THRU it, i wrote this during a mental breakdown, denial, semi-comfort at the end

a/n: when i found out about what happened i just spent 2 hours on social media just. watching everything gojo related and i kind of wanted to reflect my reaction through this word vomit of a drabble. i haven't cried at all but i just feel so devastated and oh my god it's been terrible. rest in peace to my bb </3

based off of one of my favorite glass animals songs (agnes) that i've always associated with gojo.

you like to think that grief in your life always comes and goes.

it’s a part of being a jujutsu sorcerer. each day, new people are trained to become one, and others die the same day. there are new beginnings, and people who meet their ends. you know sorcerers out there who have completely closed themselves off just so they don’t have to experience the soul crushing feeling of grief.

it’s like a bud, they say. a bud that forcefully plants itself in your heart, and you can do nothing but watch it grow as it takes hold of every part of your being. people describe the feeling in many ways: a weight on top of your chest that won’t cease, or a part of your heart that’s been ripped away, and nothing in your life seems to fill the remnants of it.

you’ve experienced grief in your life many times. loss is so normalized as a sorcerer that you’ve almost lost count at this point, but the ones that have hit you the hardest are the deaths of your closest friends: kento nanami, yu haibara, and geto suguru. they haunt your thoughts every day, up until the point where everything feels asphyxiating and you sometimes want to join your friends too.

you think that geto’s death hit you the hardest.

you remember geto’s disappearance and the night parade of a hundred demons like it was yesterday. the hardest pill to swallow about his death was the fact that it could’ve been prevented. geto’s lifeless eyes made you see parallels from the weeks leading up to his disappearance. he just needed a push in the right direction, but then you couldn’t even do that and you didn’t see all the signs of his deteriorating mental health. you just felt so guilty, even though your friends assured you that it wasn’t your fault.

seeing geto’s body for the first time after 10 years made you wail uncontrollably–and you had to be forcefully pried off of him despite your screams of protest. the most prominent thing about his body were his lifeless eyes–and guilt coursed through your veins as you knew that they were probably devoid of life even before his death.

that guilt stuck with you for a long time, and you felt it until you thought that it would consume you whole.

that’s why shoko was hesitant to show you gojo’s body.

she knows that you would have an emotional outburst again, like last time. actually, she knew this one would be worse, because geto was a best friend to you, but satoru was the light of your life. he was your lover. your soulmate, even. the reason why you were excited to come home everyday. he grieved about geto with you, and you held each other when you both cried… usually when december 24th was nearing again. you think that, without satoru, you don’t know what you would do. you kept each other sane and grounded.

so you don’t understand.

why is his body in front of you right now? why are all your students crying around you and mourning gojo’s loss? it’s all the sorcerers are talking about right now, and you just don’t get it.

he’s the strongest, so why did he fucking leave you behind like this? no, no. he wasn’t supposed to lose that fight. he said it himself. he said he’d win, right? he’d win, and he’d come home, albeit injured, but home nonetheless. he’d celebrate his victory with you, and life would go on. so why did he lie?

that’s the only word coursing through your head. why?

you tried not to think about anything right now… like how there was probably so much crimson red on that battlefield. if you saw it, you’d think that the red would leave an everlasting stain in your mind, to the point where you’ll never forget about it. no matter how many times you’d wash your hands, all that red would still be there, and you hate to think about it.

you like to think that grief in your life always comes and goes.

people describe the feeling in many ways, but if you had to describe how you felt right now, the only word you’d use is empty.

you feel so utterly empty and hollow, that you can’t even bring yourself to cry or scream.

shoko’s surprised at your reaction. when she told you what happened, you became eerily silent. your eyes and gojo’s were practically identical. both so devoid of life, that all she can bring herself to say is, “im sorry.”

what do you even say at a time like this? what do you say to someone who’s had their heart ripped apart again and again as they watch each of their friends die? for you and shoko, it’s happened four times now. four is too much. you can’t bring yourself to believe it anymore.

no. this isn’t real.

this isn’t happening right now.

you move for the first time in what seems like ages, and you place your hand in gojo’s open casket, tucking a stray pearl white strand behind his ear. you observe him for a minute. he looks so peaceful, now that he doesn’t have to worry about his infinity or constantly being on his guard anymore.

“shoko, i think he’s hungry.” you say, feeling the ice cold veins in your chest stilling.

your words catch shoko off guard. “huh?”

“he’s hungry,” you repeat simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. you look away from his body and turn to leave. “i’m going to go buy kikufuku for him.”

you suddenly remember all of the dates you’ve had with satoru, where you buy many sweets like kikufuku, but he always made sure to save you some. he’s known for his notorious sweet tooth—putting one too many sugar cubes in his drinks, but he’ll always share his sweets if it’s with you. even if it was kikufuku.

“it’s his favorite after all.”

you walk out of the funeral, leaving behind the confused and sympathetic looks of everyone there. shoko sighs at your reaction—she’ll let you go for now. everyone’s processing this in different ways, so she can’t blame you for how you’re dealing with satoru’s death. she’ll just hope you’ll learn to accept it soon.

on the way to get kikufuku, you spot a pet shop nearby. there’s a fish tank on display, and you notice that one of the tanks has a white betta fish inside. it’s the same shade as satoru’s hair, and you feel your feet moving on its own as you walk to the glass. you exhale with a shaky sob, placing a hand on it. i love you, satoru. i won’t say goodbye, though, cause i’ll be there eventually.

you make sure not to say “soon” because you knew that if you took your life with your own hands instead of letting fate choose your death, satoru would never let you hear the end of it. so you’ll keep living. you’ll keep living for yourself and satoru, even though you want to join them. every single day hurts and it also hurts to even breathe sometimes. though you know, somewhere out there, satoru and your friends are cheering you on with every step you take.

wait for me… okay?

the betta fish suddenly notices your presence, and swims up against the glass. so close, yet so far. you take that as satoru’s answer. it was like you could hear his voice directly speaking to you.

i’ll always wait for you, no matter how long it takes.

you smile for the first time today, even if it was barely a smile. you felt a familiar presence with you on the other side of that glass, even if it was just for a short moment, and it gave you what strength you had left to keep moving.

#jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jjk #gojo angst #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru comfort #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x you #jjk manga spoilers #jjk manga

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starsofmilos · 11 months

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I Know You (Adrian Chase x reader)

Request: Ooo can I please request an protective!Adrian Chase x fem!civilian/innocent reader where she’s Adrian’s girlfriend and she’s super soft and Adrian is LITERALLY head over heels for her. But she doesn’t know about him being Vigilante (I’m sure he’d be scared about her reaction). She only finds out when he saves her life when she’s walking home, Y/n clearly hearing that it’s his voice behind the mask, but Adrian ‘attempting’ a fake voice lol, but she knows it’s him shsh (anyways, I’m sure Y/n would be terrified but also clinging to Adrian and shaking). Lots of cuddles and kisses following🥺 Adrian being extremely protective🥺💜

AHH SO CUTE!! I’m excited.

Masterlist

Warnings: small amount of angst, violence, mentions of sex. cursing, possessive Adrian, fluff, mentions of assault, robbery

Adrian Chase had never been in love.

He was a rough person who lived a dangerous life. There was no room for someone in his life.

He didn’t wanna drag some random innocent civilian into his complicated life. It was good most girls saw him as complete weirdo.

The girls he picked up as Vigilante too where all quick flings so he never had to worry about committing to one person.

Adrian had told himself he wouldn’t get committed to someone nor would he ever date someone.

It wasn’t until a soft warm beautiful person quite literally bumped into him. That was at least how he described you.

He quite literally became attached to you. You were his and he was yours.

Adrian was wrapped around your finger and you had no idea.

“AHHH!”

Adrian eye’s popped open hearing your yell. He was up within seconds grabbing his pocketknife.

Only to find you on top of the kitchen counter pointing at a small spider that was currently crawling away on the floor. He sighed putting the knife away in his back pocket.

“Adrian! Help! Please!!” Adrian bit back a laugh seeing your eyes grow watery.

“Man you had me fucking scared. I thought someone was breaking in!”

“I mean technically something did break in! Just please get it!” You whined. Adrian nodded grabbing a napkin to carefully grab it.

He threw it outside walking back in to see you still shaking a bit on the counter. Adrian smiled approaching you. You clutched onto him the second he got close to you.

“Sorry..Didn’t mean to scare you. Thank you for saving me..”

Adrian chuckled a bit hugging you back. “Aww I’ll always come to save you. You should know that by now.”

“That’s a relief. I’m sorry again..”

“It’s okay. I know my girl is sensitive.” Adrian kissed you softly. You hummed against his lips.

“Is this my reward?” You nodded feeling a bit shy as he grinned against your lips.

“Can I have more? I did fight that nasty spider for you.”

“If you fight all the spiders then I’ll let you have as many kisses as you want.”

“I’ll fight anything for you..” Adrian whispered out in complete seriousness. You laughed it off shaking your head.

Adrian was always like this towards you. You had no idea just how serious he was about fighting everything and anything for you.

“That reminds me I have a late shift again today.” Pouting up at him, you groaned as he kissed your cheek hiding his face in your neck.

“Sorry love..”

“Wish you didn’t have that stupid extra job. If I could support both of us I would.” Adrian laughed nodding.

You had no idea how he was going out as Vigilante at night. Adrian had wanted to keep you, the one good thing in his life, away from all the dangerous stuff he does.

He didn’t want scare you or worse make you a target for some of the people he went after.

So he decided it would be best if you didn’t know that he was a mass murderer.

“I know you would. I work though because I like the extra job. Being a bus boy isn’t permanent.”

“I know..I just miss you at night sometimes.” Adrian hummed kissing you softly.

“How about tomorrow I will call off night job and we’ll order a pizza and just eat till we pass out?”

“I’d love that so much. Can we?”

“Yeah I miss you at night too..”

“Sleeping at night is boring without you. I’m all cold and alone.”

“Now don’t make me feel bad!”

“I have nothing to hold me! Except myself! Don’t even have anyone to help get rid of ache I get.”

“What kind of ache?”

“The in bed kind. Only one you take care of.” Adrian coughed a bit trying to hide just how flustered you made him.

“We can do that now if you want before I go-”

“Nope gotta wait till tomorrow.” He groaned before nodding kissing you again.

“Fine. You tease. So wanna watch me get ready for work?” You nodded as he helped you off the counter. You admired him as he slipped his shoes on.

Grabbing his duffle bag, you dropped it with a small oomph looking down at it in confusion.

“Why is it so heavy?”

“It’s not heavy!” Adrian laughed nervously grabbing it effortlessly. “See! You just need to lift more hahaha!”

You rolled your eyes walking him to the door. He sighed giving you another kiss. “I promise I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I know and when you do come back home I will be here.”

“Good..You’re the only thing I look forward to seeing.” You huffed as he kissed your cheeks before taking off.

After Adrian left, you decided to clean up the kitchen. Adrian usually cleaned it when he came home, but you knew he’d probably be tired. Your boyfriend was hard at work the least you could do is take care of things at home.

You hummed a small tune before opening the fridge to make some dinner. There was quite literally nothing.

Grabbing your phone you sent Adrian a quick text letting him know where you were going. He was so persistent on knowing when you left the house.

It never really made sense to you.

Your apartment complex wasn’t that far so you decided to walk.

Adrian had been hiding in an alleyway checking up his latest text. Crime was pretty low tonight. He smiled seeing the small selfie you sent him with the text letting him know you were going to the store.

You were so sweet..and so soft...He craved more than ever to just go home and be in your arms. He sighed taking a look at the photo once more. His eyes squinted as he tensed up seeing something behind you.

It was a guy wearing a hoodie. His face was darkened out, but Adrian could tell he was trouble. He had a good distance but it was obvious this guy was tailing you.

Without another thought, he called you. Cursing quietly when you didn’t answer.

“Come on baby..Come on..pick up the phone..” His breath hitched hearing your voice. “Y/N.”

“Hi this is me and if I didn’t answer it’s probably cause I’m busy call back later!”

He began to run growing anxious.

You had no idea of the man trailing you. Too busy looking at your phone seeing two miss calls from Adrian. Right as you were about to call him again, you were grabbed.

Adrian paced looking around the street he saw your last location on. It said you were still there.

Your eyes widened as the man who was stalking you smiled wickedly. You struggled in his hold whimpering when he pointed a knife at you.

“Easy there girly..I’d hate to cut a pretty little thing like you up.” He leaned in whispering. You grew tears in your eyes beginning to feel fear rise in your chest and bile build in your throat.

Adrian..Adrian needed you to come home. To be okay..You promised you’d be okay..

You bit the mans hand trying to make a run for it crying out as he yanked the back of your shirt back. Tears fell from your eyes and small sobs fell from your lips as you were tossed harshly against the wall.

“You didn’t even fucking let me finish what I was gonna say stupid girl.” You cried a bit harder as he leaned in again.

“I just wanted your money but now that I look at you. You’re a real pretty crier.”

You struggled again as he pushed his knife towards your throat. “Stop moving or I will cut you. Stupid bitch.”

Your eyes shut from fear. Adrian...You wanted Adrian and to be home. You should’ve just ordered food in.

Right as he moved his knife down to your chest, something popped up behind him. It moved like quick like a shadow. The man was off of you within seconds.

“I suggest you point your fucking knife towards someone who can actually fucking fight.”

That voice..It couldn’t be..Adrian?...

The man scrambled back seeing Vigilante standing before him already with his gun pointing at him.

“Woah woah man! This is a misunderstanding I know this girl!”

You opened your eyes. No it wasn’t. It was the Vigilante you had been seeing on tv, but he sounded just like..

“Oh really? That’s why she was crying for help? You messed with the wrong fucking girl mother fucker.”

Adrian kicked the mans face in immediately going down to beat the shit out of him. You watched in shock as he went in punching the man repeatedly. The bones crunched under his fist.

This man tried to hurt you. This man was going to kill you. His sweet soft angel...Adrian wanted to make this man pay.

He pulled his knife out about to slit the mans throat stopping once he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned seeing your tear stained face.

“Enough..”

Adrian looked back at the man before looking back at you. He nodded standing up checking you over.

“Are you alright? You’re not hurt are you? I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner Y/N. I heard your cries though-”

“Adrian..” You whispered out hesitantly. He stopped rambling. His eyes widened under his mask.

“What?! What?! That’s...No! Who is that? I’ve never heard of an Adrian before. Why would you say that name?!”

You teared up feeling a sob claw its way through your throat. Adrian fumbled as you collapsed in his arms crying.

“Woah woah! Are you okay?! Did he hurt you?! I swear I will kill this son of a bitch!”

“I was so scared!” You cried out gripping his shoulder pads tightly. Adrian stopped sighing as he hugged you back. You sniffled still crying as he gently picked you up.

“Where would you like to go miss?” Adrian deepened his voice trying to hide his actual voice.

“I-I w-wanna go h-home..Please?..” You whimpered crying your heart out. Adrian nodded. “I’ll get you home miss.”

“Thanks..wait my groceries! Our groceries! I’m so sorry Adrian!”

“I’m not Adrian!” Adrian yelled out gripping you tighter. “Besides whoever this Adrian is would probably tell you not to worry about it and just order some food for you both! Nothing matter more than your safety! I care way more about you than some stupid groceries! I mean he. He cares about you more than some groceries!”

Adrian sighed at his slip up carrying you home. He even unlocked the front door for you. You clung onto him scared.

“Don’t leave..please...”

“Miss I gotta go back out there to make sure that guy-”

“Cut the crap.I know it’s you..I knew the second I heard your voice..I need you please Adrian..” You sniffled reaching for his mask.

“I’m not Adrian-”

“How did you know my name?”

“What?”

“You said I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner Y/N and you knew where I lived. So if you’re not Adrian how would you know?..” You shook against him.

“I’m a stalker.”

“Adrian!”

“Okay! Okay!!” Adrian groaned removing his mask. “It’s okay..I’m here..”

You sighed in relief clutching him tightly. Adrian kissed your forehead scooping you up. “I’m here now it’s okay..Always gonna protect you..You’re mine..”

You nodded relishing in his comfort. Adrian was grateful you weren’t scared of him. He was so happy nothing had happened to you. He shook a bit thinking of what would’ve happened had he not gotten there in time.

“I was so scared..I’m so happy you got there..Here I was thinking the scariest part of my night was gonna be a spider.”

“Well I was hoping the scariest part of your night would be a spider..Are you okay? You never answered me you’re not hurt right?” Adrian tightened his hold a bit nervously.

“Yeah I’m okay..I promise..”

“Good..Good..My beautiful sweet girl..I’m so sorry that happened to you. I should’ve gotten there sooner-”

“You got there as fast as you could..Thank you for saving me..”

“Always gonna save you. Never let anything happen to you..”

Adrian kissed your forehead walking you to the room. He stripped his armor off laying next to you on the bed cuddling you close.

“Y/N...”

You hummed trying to stop shaking. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad?..”

“For not telling you..”

“No..I get why you were trying to keep it a secret..I’m not mad..I’m not scared of you either if that’s what you were worried about.”

“Good..I can’t stop being Vigilante..”

“I know..I’m not gonna ask you too. I just want you safe..Just like you want me..”

“I do..I’m still really sorry this happened tonight.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“I am though.” Adrian sat up pulling you to his lap to cuddle you close. “I never want anything to happen to you. You’re my everything. I am nothing without you and I will never forgive myself if anything happens to you.”

“I love you.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth. I love you too Y/N.”

“Thanks Adrian...” Before you could rub your face, Adrian gently used his hand wiping your tears away.

“I’m gonna order us food okay?..”

“Okay...you’re the best boyfriend..but..”

“But?..”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Hey!”

You laughed as he kissed your face clutching you tightly. He was so happy you knew his full self now.

#adrian chase #fanfiction #adrian chase x reader #vigilante fanfiction #vigilante x reader #adrian chase x you #vigilante peacemaker #peacemaker #adrian chase peacemaker #fanfic

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noaltbruh · 2 years

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Bucci gang having a crush reader that was kinda reserved and quiet when they first met them, but once they get to know them they're really fun to be around? I'm talking random facts, suggestive comments, dad jokes 24/7, and low key flirt with them whenever they can?

Something super fluffy and light hearted please <3

First of all, I want to apologize for taking long to answer this, I'm so incredibly sorry and I hope that what I wrote will make up for it :(

Second, oh my God this request was so cute I can't- Let me know of you enjoyed it ^^

Bucci gang with a secretly goofy S/O 😉

Giorno 🐞

Giorno never minded your quiet and reserved nature, being rather closed off himself. He actually found some sort of comfort in just sitting next to you while you both did your own things, even if you didn't talk to each other.

It felt relaxing to be next to you, and you showed your true value in battle, which made him respect you as an individual even more. He knew that despite your apparent reserved and cold appearance, you were reliable and a strong companion.

However, the more time he spent around you, the more you started to show him your true colors which, needless to say, surely caught him off guard.

Giorno has always had an habit of trying to read people as soon as he met them, and he was able to get a pretty accurate idea of their personality just with a few interactions. This is why your slow, but evident change in behavior surprised him.

He grows to love this other side of you super quickly though! You sort of balance each other out, and you're always there to make him smile after he's had a long day at work. Whether you do it accidentally or on purpose, he'll be grateful for it anyway.

He loves to listen to your fun facts, he knows a lot of unusual information himself, but he's sure they're going to be useful to him in one way or another. So, in his eyes, you're helping him out!

Bonus point if it's nature related, he might make a small animal like the one you described and point out its little quirks, or grow a type of plant you told him about.

When it comes to suggestive comments, Giorno tries to play it cool and act as they don't really affect him, especially if the two of you are in public. This aspect of you is the one that surprised him the most, but he won't particularly encourage it.

In the best case scenario, he'll give you a little smile and brush it off like that, nothing much.

He may find himself thinking back about it and slightly giggle, but only when he's alone, so you'll never find out about it.

For some reason, I feel like he can sometimes be a bit dense to others' jokes, especially they're Narancia or Mista's. He knows he's supposed to laugh, he just doesn't understand why.

So, he particularly appreciates your sense of humor. He finds your dad jokes to be genuinely funny and actually gets them immediately, even though he knows that they are considered lame.

He won't tell any himself, but you can always expect him to chuckle whenever you hit him with one of your little gags, they make his day a bit better.

His reaction to you flirting with him may vary depending on the situation you're both in.

Let's say, for example, that you told him you think he's handsome in front of your friends. In that case, he will simply thank you and tell you that you're also beautiful.

If the two of you are alone, however, I don't know if it would be very wise of you to do so, as he won't hesitate to flirt back and won't stop until you get all flustered. He just loved to see your cheeks turning red from the embarrassment, he thinks it's adorable.

If you do manage you make him blush in public, then I must congratulate you, that is not something many people are capable of.

Bruno 🤐

While Bruno is a bit more of a talker compared to you, he's perfectly fine with your introverted nature and also tales pleasure with doing small everyday activities while you're by his side.

He's also quite good at reading people, so he's always able to tell whether it's better to respect your personal space, or make a move himself and start a conversation.

If he noticed you're getting tired of talking, he'll get the hint without you having to say anything and will wait until you've recharged a little bit.

He can't help but feel proud of himself when he sees you slowly opening up to him. But, unlike Giorno, he's not very surprised, after all he has been the one who took in the rest of the gang and watched them grow as people, he was quite confident in the fact that you would have started to show this other side of you sooner or later.

He doesn't know many fun facts (he doesn't have much time to learn about non-work related topics) but he likes hearing about them from you! He'll never get tired of them, especially since he notices how passionate you seem to be about sharing this sort of thing with him, he thinks it's sweet.

He will also try to look for a way to put that information into practical everyday tasks or on missions, whether he succeeds or not, he'll remember each one of them, he's got an awesome memory!

Although it may surprise you, he actually doesn't mind your suggestive comments unless it's a serious situation or meeting. I mean, come on, he's the guy who wears a lingerie, licked a kid and made a condom metaphor.

If anything, if he has the chance, he's going to add in to your remarks and you'll even be able to catch him smirking, it's actually quite fun to see this side of him for you too.

Ok, Bruno is dense as fuck when it comes to humor, he 100% doesn't understand any modern jokes or doesn't realizes that they're jokes in the first place.

Which is why he loves yours, they're literally the only ones he gets, being a mom dad himself. He will genuinely laugh at them and let me tell you this: his laughter is literally one of the sweetest sounds you'll hear in your life.

Also tries to crack some of his own to make you smile too! The two of you got called "boomers" multiple times by the others because of this, but the two of you don't care.

When it comes to flirting, he'll also block it out if he doesn't deem the moment as appropriate. However, under any other circumstances, even if you're just hanging out with your friends, be sure that he won't hesitate to show off a little and answer to your comments

If you can make him blush in public, he'll simply bring an hand to his mouth, cough and "thank you for your compliment".

It's adorable.

Mista 🔫

Mista didn't too much of you at first. Quiet, reserved people who seem to "not know how to have fun" were never really his thing, and he doesn't have the patience to put up with their introverted nature most of the time.

BUT- but, since Bruno quite enjoys sending people who don't really get along on the same missions (see the man in the mirror arc), I do believe that you slowly started to bond through them, helping each other kick the enemy's butt and eventually get the other's respect.

On top of this, conversations between you only got more and more natural, as you decided that it was time to open up a little to him and show him that you're not as dead inside as he thought at first.

You actually become a pretty chaotic duo, to your happiness, and to Fugo and Abbacchio's dismay lol.

Dude have you seen his whole talk about vegetarians and cannibalism? This guy is going to love your fun facts, he's the type of person who looks them up to do literally nothing with them or just find something else to discuss when he's eating with the rest.

Sometimes, he'll even just come up to you only to k ow if you have any new facts to tell him about. Despite the fact that he's not good at remembering details, he will actually never forget even just one of them.

You may even formulate some weird theory together starting from those, which may lead to a debate that could last hours on end if you're not stopped.

Mista is the king of suggestive comments, he might even anticipate you before you can make your own remark. Or, alternatively, the two of you might end up saying the same thing at the same exact time, you basically share one single brain cell and use it over dumb stuff like this. You both look at each other like you're mind connected and burst out laughing together.

This boy is too much of an idiot to appreciate your sense of humor, I'm sorry. Whenever you hit him with one of your dad jokes, he will tell you that they're lame while laughing at the same exact time. You don't understand if he's laughing at you, or if he genuinely likes them and he just doesn't want to admit it.

He will also tell you plenty of jokes, although they're pretty different from the ones you tell, and might even have some dirty implications a couple of times-

Speaking of which, he loves your constant flirting and will ALWAYS play along. Imagine him just shooting one of the enemy while simultaneously flirting back, tell you how cute you are for your attempts at teasing him, or how he thinks it's hot when you mercilessly kill the stand user you were tracking down.

It basically becomes a competition on who can get the other flustered before your partner can. Good luck, 'cause he won't go down easily.

Narancia 🍊

Unlike his best friend, Narancia IMMEDIATELY set his eyes on you as soon as he saw you, he just loves quiet people with all his heart. You can bet on your life that this boy just won't. leave. you. alone. No matter how hard you may try or how cold you might act.

He's constantly dragging you along on whatever he's up to, let that be pranks on the others, late night hangouts, playing games together till you fall asleep...Sorry, but you won't get rid of him.

He's fine if sometimes you just want to stay indoors instead of going outside, you can just chill at home and vibe, he'll understand!

He's a bit confused when he notices how different you are from when he first met you, especially since you're acting a lot more like him, are you trying to do an impression of him or something?

But he quickly grows incredibly fond of the new you! He's super happy he doesn't have to basically force you to do stuff anymore, and that you've begun to match his energy. He feels incredibly relaxed around you and knows he can just act naturally without having to worry about you judging him.

In return, he won't judge any of the behaviors or quirks you didn't show before!

Narancia doesn't know many fun facts, he's too lazy to look up that sort of thing, but he loves to hear you talk about whatever interest you have, so if you like those, he'll gladly listen to you.

He does have a tendency to forget them shortly after you've told them to him, so even if you accidentally say one twice, he won't even notice and will be all "WHAT??? NO WAY!! THAT'S SO COOL! YOU'RE SOO SMART!"

Not one to make suggestive comments himself, mostly because they just don't cross his mind, but he'll laugh an idiot at yours. He's got the sense of humor of a rotten potato, and you love him for that.

Also, I hope you don't mind others hearing it too, since considering how loud his laughter his, basically everyone around you will want to know what you told him.

Like Mista, he isn't really fond of your dad jokes, but he will still laugh at them because he knows you tell them just to see him smile, and it makes him happy.

Do you know the usual "If you like that joke, you either love that person or you've never heard one in your life". Yes, that's basically what's going on here.

Either doesn't realize you're trying to flirt with him, or gets incredibly shy and bashful over it.

Doesn't know how to flirt, couldn't respond to your provocations to save his life, literally nobody has ever flirted with him and he doesn't know how to process it.

Most definitely the easiest prey you'll ever find, you've gotten yourself a blushy Narancia, hope you're happy.

You might as well call an ambulance for him if you start teasing him about it and calling him cute.

Fugo 🍓

Fugo is actually incredibly happy to have someone like you by his side. You're so calm, silent, reserved...Basically a bit of peace for the chaos that is hanging with the others.

The two of you bond over your shared introverted nature and love for calm activities. You're one of the few people he'll be okay playing the piano for, and you just give him a nice, familiar feeling of stability that he adores.

He was a bit startled when he began to notice more layers to your personality than just your closed off façade, he can't deny that he almost couldn't recognise you at first.

But while your behavior may be different, you're still the person he feels the most comfortable around, his sweetheart, and he loves you regardless.

When he stops to think about it, he actually feels rather proud of himself for managing to get you out of your shell. He didn't even realize you were hiding in one in the first place, but the fact that you've decided to show him his true colors reassure him that he's doing a good job in your relationship.

Okay, this headcanon is silly, but I like to think that when Fugo can't sleep, he looks up random pieces of information on the Internet just to entertain himself.

It will be a bit hard to get him with a fun fact he doesn't already know. He might tell you that he's heard it before, but would love to dive more in the topic if it picks your interest.

It's sort of a silly activity and you know that what you are doing is probably not going to be useful to either of you, but you have fun with it anyway.

He doesn't like your suggestive comments. If you weren't his partner, he'd probably tell you to quit messing around and about this sort of thing in a not so nice way.

But since he wouldn't dare to speak to speak to you like that, he'll keep his composure and simply tell you that he doesn't think you should make these kinds of remarks.

Unlike Giorno, he gets modern humor but doesn't find it funny, just incredibly annoying, childish and lame. Mista and Narancia have tried and failed multiple times to make him laugh with their jokes, so they're surprised when you're actually work of him.

He'll let out a simple chuckle and smile at you when you tell him one. Yours are simpler and, in a certain way, a bit more innocent, which he finds cute. He doesn't know many jokes, but he might even look them up just to hear you laugh in return.

Also doesn't know how to flirt, he's literally never been in a relationship and does NOT know how to process your provocations. He may try to look unbothered or tell you that your comments don't work on him, but he's a terrible liar.

Gets incredibly embarrassed when you do it in public, but doesn't know how to make you stop. He probably just goes silent or tells his teammates to stop laughing at him if you happen to get flirty when you're all together.

Looks up on the Internet "smooth pick up lines" to be prepared for next time.

It doesn't work.

Abbacchio ⏮️

Abbacchio just...Kind of forgets you exist when he first meets you, although you could consider it a good thing, depending on how you see it. After all, it's still better than getting picked on like Giorno, isn't it?

In a more serious note, the man is simply relieved to know that at least the newest member isn't braggy or over the top like some others. You're chill and spare him a couple of headaches, which he genuinely appreciates, but is too proud to say out loud.

Starts to grow a bit curious of you seeing how closed off you seem to be. After enough time, you might even get him to let you stay while he listens to music and will share his headphones with you. He decides what you're listening to though, sorry about that.

Probably the most concerned when you start to reveal you're nothing like the impression you give at first. He may even wonder if you're feeling well and it's not actually some enemy stand messing up with your personality.

The imagine he had created of you sort of breaks, but a part of him actually kind of admires you. He's surprised at the way you can just completely let your defense down once you feel comfortable around someone, something he feels incapable of doing, even if he wanted to.

Your boldness, in particular, is what surprised him the most, how can you just be so outspoken? He doesn't get it's he just stares at you.

He's a bit confused as to why you would accumulate so many random facts and information, what's the point? When you tell him that it's simply because you like it, he doesn't really question it further and lets you have your fun.

A good listener if you want to ramble to him about a specific one or an unusual topic in general. He will keep a neutral expression the entire time, but he's actually paying a lot of attention, you just wouldn't be able to tell at first.

Mostly just rolls his eyes to the sky when it comes tp your suggestive comments. He deals with enough brats and dumbasses to the point where this sort of thing hardly ever bothers him anymore.

Lightly smiles at you if he spots you laughing with the others while you all joke about this subject, at least you seem to be having fun.

He knows your dad jokes are supposed to be updated, and not considered funny anymore, but he doesn't get why. He likes them because they're simple, and the way you tell them somehow only makes them seem funnier to him.

Still, don't expect much of a reaction, he doesn't want to show that something as silly as a joke can really affect him. He'll simply smile and you and say "Nice one" whenever he hears one. Secretly, he thinks the way you sometimes chuckle even before you're able to say it is quite adorable.

Lastly, he never gives in to your flirting attempts in public, he thinks something like that should be kept private, although one of your jokes caught him so off guard once, he almost spilled his wine.

When he's sure the two of you are alone, however, you can be assured that your provocations will not go unnoticed. I hope you won't mind having his lipstick all over his face.

Trish 🎙

Trish adores you, case closed.

No but seriously, this girl justly feels so incredibly attracted to in the moment she first meets you. The way you act all quiet and closed off reminds her of how she used to be when she encountered the rest of the gang back in Capri. She just had a feeling this isn't all there is to you, and she is not going to be satisfied until she proves she's right.

She will try to push you out of your comfort zone, keeping you company, asking you if you want to tag along when she goes gets some coffee or a new dress, asks you what you think of her latest song...She just wants you to feel considered.

You'll still have your alone time, she knows you probably want to have some sort of boundaries and she respects that wholeheartedly.

Gets super smug when things actually go the way she had predicted, and you pit down your introverted mask to reveal an incredibly sweet, goofy and lovely person.

Trish couldn't be prouder to have you by her side, she will always tell you how glad she is that she's devised to start a relationship with you and that she feels incredibly lucky to be one of the few people you feel secure being yourself around.

She knows what's it like to be forced to act all passive and unbothered to protect yourself, she just wants you to see that she's never going to think less of you for the way you act.

Amazed at how you seem to take interest in basically any sort of subject from the amount of fun facts you surprise her with. Always listens to you with pleasure and will ask you more questions just to prove that she's genuinely interested in what you have to say.

Probably knows a couple of music related ones and will he more than happy to tell you all about them! She mostly just kept them to herself before getting to know you, so she's happy to share them with someone once in a while.

Claims that suggestive/perv comments don't affect her, but if you're careful enough, you'll see her after covering up her giggle with her hand whenever you tell one.

If you try to point this out to her though, she will slightly blush and deny everything and tell you they you're just imagining things.

Now, talking about your dad jokes...It's a bit complicated, but kind of cute. She doesn't find the home itself funny, it's just something about that little smile you have when you tell them, or the way you run up to her filled with energy just so she can hear them too is what truly gets a good chuckle out of her.

She will gladly play along with you and might even try to come up with her own jokes to make you laugh once in a while. Whether they're actually good or not, you love them every time anyway.

Just as flirty as you are, if not even more. She wasn't sure if you were comfortable with her teasing you in public at first, which is why she always hesitated to do so. The first time you were the one to take the initiative, however, she immediately caught the opportunity and reciprocated your light hearted provocations.

The gang thinks the two of you have no shame and you even got called "show offs" because of this "tendency" you both share.

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ky-tumbles · 2 years

Text

Navigating - Bradley Bradshaw (4)

pt1 pt2 pt3 pt5 pt6

The sun has finally set. Your dad and Penny were long gone, taking advantage of Amelia being gone for the night you imagine. The group had built a fire and everyone was gathered around.

Bradley had pulled you out of you chair, sitting in it first before pulling you into his lap. The warmth of his body behind yours is comforting as the San Diego air has cooled off in the absence of the sun.

“Did you guys get to do a gender reveal?” Phoenix questions, she’s sat across the fire from you two.

“No, we didn’t,” you pout, Bradley chuckles as he snuggles his face into the crook of your neck. “We actually didn’t want to know.”

“But you know you’re having a boy?” Hangman’s eyebrow is raised, he’s clearly confused.

“The appointment was just about to end, the sonographer knew what we were having and suddenly our little guy turned over and it was pretty hard to deny what we were having,” you blush a little, recalling the pure shock of your boy flashing himself for the world.

“Takes after his dad,” Bradley smirks, the pride flowing off his body in what can only be described as pure arrogance.

“So that’s why they call you Rooster, huh?” Hangman jibs, playfully nudging you as he takes a seat in the chair beside you.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You tease back, scrunching your nose playfully at the blonde. Your husband groans underneath you, attempting to pull you closer into him

The group quiets down a little, everybody contemplating the next couple of days. There’s a mission on the horizon that no one can really shake from their psyche.

“Hey Y/N?” Bob catches your attention, he’s sat beside Pheonix, beer in hand as he makes eye contact.

“Yes Bob?”

“Did you see a lot of your dad growing up?” The question has the groups attention drawn to you. Since most had gone to the academy or even TOPGUN with you, they’d known the captain assigned to them this time around was none other than your father.

“What do you mean?” You’re thrown off guard by Bob’s inquiry, Bradley sensing your confusion sneaks his hands under your shirt to rub circles on your hipbone.

“You lived with your mom right?”

That sets you in to laughter, even your husband chuckles at that.

“No Bob, I did not. Dad had sole custody of me,” you take a deep breath as you begin your story. “It was supposed to be a one night stand. Then my biological mother found out she was pregnant with me, not long after she met my stepfather, Steve, who didn’t want a child that wasn’t his. Bio mom signed over her parental rights to dad because Steve also refused to let her get an abortion. Dad was the first one to hold me in the hospital, as soon as I was born my bio mom essentially wanted nothing to do with me.” Your heart clenched at the thought of the woman who never really wanted you.

“Wow,” Bob’s jaw has dropped, the rest of the group is silent just watching and gauging your reaction.

“We had a place right next to Brad and Carole, no matter where we went in the world, we always came back. Until middle school, when Carole insisted I have a steady education. I actually have four half sisters who have no idea I exist.” You feel like you’ve brought the group down, you try not to think about your mom often as it’s quite painful.

“Your dad was the best parent though, between him and my mom, I’d say we turned out pretty damn good.” Bradley smiles, pressing a kiss against your cheek.

"Yeah, he was my best friend," You reply, Bradley clears his throat loudly. "You know damn well you've been more than my best friend for our entire lives."

With that, he cups your chin and brings your lips against his. The rest of the group fades into other conversations and you're left with the feeling of just you and Rooster against the world.

"Love you, Pumpkin."

Tagging:

@rattiefattie69 @lunamoonbby @itscheybaby @rosewritesitout @paulina1998 @laurashadowsblog @talktomeice @nobody7102 @ohhh-boo-tiful @craziblondi @mads-weasley @jonginvlog @buxkybarnez @kana-austin @pepelachanel @nekrasinclair @cassbntp @lovemesomevesey @fogle97

#bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw imagine #top gun maverick #miles teller

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randomfoggytiger · 6 months

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I Am, Once Again, Advertising touchstoneaf's S9 "Amor Fati" Fic Series

touchstoneaf’s epic Amor Fati (Fated Love)

(Previous post: X-Files Fic That Irons Out the Mytharc… by touchstoneaf)

It's... it's brilliant.

Description

Not one detail from the series is neglected; not one observation is out of joint; not one conjecture or plot thread from the mytharc is left unresolved (and is, in fact, further built upon), and not one moment between all of the characters is off target. Not only that, but it glues together plotholes as effortlessly as if those were the original show writers' intent; and builds and builds and builds the transition from surveillance at home to life on the run with a (psychic) baby.

I confidently say it IS the series: not just the characters' voices or their actions but as if the author captured Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz and all of the writers and actors' vision and-- for lack of a better word-- essence and put it all masterfully on paper. The best way I can describe it is it feels like how S9 would have been, should have been.

Part I is Scully's realization that she can't keep William safe (after his near death in S9) and her slow, cautious attempts-- with TLG's help-- to contact Mulder and slip from her job and her life. Her loved ones are all given their turns for farewell (yes, even Bill); Part II is S8-S9 memories and reunion and bliss and rediscovery and duck-and-dodge and the mytharc creeping back in; Part III is hands-on efforts by Mulder and Scully to save innocents and team up with Gibson and his dispassionate alien allies.

There are so, so many passages that are seared into my mind. If you, like me, want to jump right into the action, I recommend reading Part II's chapters 4 through 9-- the leadup to Scully and William's arrival in a small town, their tense execution of plans, and their reunion with Mulder in motel room 42. The entire series builds to that moment; and continues after, organically placing brick after brick after brick. If you are daunted by long-term commitment, it will, at least, serve as quick taste to either ignite or quench your interest.

And Now, For Quotes

I couldn't possibly select one quote as my favorite (not yet, anyway); and the passages below sadly leave out TLG and Skinner and Doggett and Monica and Maggie and Tara and Bill and excellent minor characters and so, so much more; BUT I can't leave these paragraphs behind, either.

She had once, more than once, had the experience of having to tell a false partner from the real one. She was one out of two on that scoreboard. /Have to get it right this time. If…/

Every sense had to remain engaged, in this moment. Every single detail…

A waft of warmer air... and it smelled of Mulder.... The barrel of a gun came first, poking shyly through, questing. Her internal timer counted off the seconds before she would see the arms, and then the head… There were the arms, familiar arms… then the hair she knew, then the face, the eyes…

Mulder’s eyes; legible to her as they would be to no one else on this Earth. He could be a shapeshifter. He could be being used… but she didn’t think so. Not when he looked at her like that. Not when she could see the thing in him that matched the thing inside herself.

and--

That Mulder had accepted this solace from her, as he had from no other being, had contributed almost immediately to bringing forth that strange intimacy that they had always had between them; first jocular, almost sibling-like, as he responded to her gentle teasing with startlement and a growing relaxation. This man who was so used to being abused by others with cruel taunting had been taken aback by her easy reaction to him. But by doing so, she had aided him in lowering his walls, and so now she would never be fooled by his many self-saving wisecracks. Neither was she fooled by the protection he had put off at first; his little show of, “Don’t mind me, I’m a harmless crackpot.” That image, which he had often put off to their superiors and detractors, was countered once you met him in person. Intelligent; yes. Without a doubt. Driven; yes. Almost wholly so. Foolish? Never in a hundred years; though he may have looked that way to others, may have even fostered that impression to aid him in his work.

and--

Mulder tensed, shoulders hunching as he felt her abortive movement. He shook his head angrily against the memories, but when he spoke his voice was quiet with acceptance… and so plumbed with loss that she felt her own heart break. “I needed you so badly, Scully,” he finished softly; as if the admission cost him dearly. “But you weren’t there. I had pushed you away; and the nightmares kept coming and coming…”

Unable to stand it anymore, Scully drew close and pressed her body lightly, tentatively to his tense and unyielding backside. Felt his clammy skin warm automatically with that contact. He did not soften, at first. Did not edge away, nor did he lean into her. Much like that awful night when their office had burnt he simply stood cold with shock and while she supported him; the steadfast fidelity of their bond never questioned in the decade that they had been together.

“I was there,” she murmured into his shoulder. /I’ll always be here./ He could accept it now. She was finally able to press her arms about him in the night. Feel the strong bones beneath unblemished flesh; amazed that he was even alive for her to hold after an ordeal that had indeed taken him from her for so long that she had lost all hope. She shuddered and cinched her arms tighter; felt his ribs shift beneath the silky envelope of his skin. They creaked in protest, but he did not move, and she spoke like one driven. “I was there hurting for you, holding you against the nightmares, even when you couldn't ask me to be there. I was with you every night until you came back to me.”

Magnificent.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

#txf #Collector's Edition #Curated #fic #touchstona #Amor Fati #AU #S9 #I adore this series #it is my S9 #(that and Lapsed_Scholar's S9 AU)#specifically: this is my mytharc S9 #xf fanfic #xfiles #x-files #the x files

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A Stitch In Time First Read Reactions & Thoughts Monster Post Part 2

and the adventure/Garak's horrible life continues!

Part 1, Part 3

- “That’s who he is now, Tolan. He’s a man.” I heard mother’s voice as I approached the opened door to our housing unit after a training session.

“He’s hard, Mila,” Father said.

“He has to be,” she replied.

“But to the point where he’s unreachable?” Father asked. “Where nothing penetrates? How can he express even his basic needs if he’s trapped inside a shell?”

“It’s better this way, Tolan. I know what’s in store for him,” Mother interrupted. There was a momentary silence.

“More Bamarren,” Father said, almost to himself. There was another silence indicating the discussion was over. I decided to take a walk.

Tolan my man. You are planting some seeds in a garden you won’t live to see here and you are so important and valid for that. Tain does his best to crush this all out of Garak eventually and almost succeeds, but I really do think that little chime of having been genuinely, unconditionally loved by someone is part of the reason he can start growing again once Bashir shows up on the scene and brings a bit of sunlight back, as it were. One man’s love can’t save you from the totalitarian state or people like Enabran Tain, but it can leave room for the possibility for something different one day, under other circumstances

- “Let’s have some tea.” He laughed because he knew that the tea he drank, which was brewed from the roots of some shrub, had made me gag the first—and only—time I’d tried it. I had a separate container of the common choban variety. We took our containers and settled in a shady place that faced the playing children.

This is such a lovely real-feeling little detail to work in — he got to taste his dad’s coffee once and Didn’t Care For It so he has his own little box of fruit tea or whatever fdlksa.

“The first Hebitians had an advanced culture that was sophisticated on every level, Elim. Yes, it was solarbased, but they were able to support themselves, and this is what most of the planet looked like.” He waved his tea container to indicate the Grounds. The idea was almost too outlandish for me. Soft and green places are rare on Cardassia.

“It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? We live in constant struggle with the land. We’ve become as hard and dry….” Father trailed off and sipped his tea. I thought of my favorite place at Bamarren, and almost told Father about it—but how could I describe the enclosure without speaking of her?

All those secrets already getting in the way of him sharing the things he really wants to with the people he loves…

I remembered that Calyx had called me an “air man” and wondered if I didn’t get it from Father. Mother often complained that he didn’t have a grasp of what she called our “power-driven reality,” and he would reply that his reality was driven by the same power that grew his plants and shrubs. These arguments always left the house feeling divided and cold.

“I love this place, Elim. And it means a great deal to me that we’re able to spend this time with each other working here.” Father smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. He rarely touched me, and the contact embarrassed me … and sent a warm feeling through my body. I felt like one of his plants. He kept his hand on my shoulder and stared at me with an intensity that made me afraid of what he was going to say next.

Let me indulge in a Harrow the Ninth quote: “You were so afraid anyone might touch you. You had always been afraid of anyone touching you, and had not known your longing flinch was so obvious to those who tried it.”

“Was this your … ‘power,’ which makes the plants and flowers grow?”

Father’s face broke into a beaming smile, and I thought he was going to grab me. He had never looked at me like this, and I felt somehow proud that my question had gotten such a reaction. Suddenly he looked past me, and his expression—so open and so animated with the attempt to explain what essentially was unexplainable—became as unreadable as that disembodied mask.

Mother was at the door. I don’t know how long she had been there, but she was not pleased.

“Oh, Tolan,” was all she said.

“Get cleaned up, Elim,” Father said. I was aware of a strong forcefield that I had been caught in the middle of many times before. It always made me feel helpless, and this time was no exception. I gladly complied. As I was about to leave the room, however, I saw Mother’s eyes as she looked at Father. Intimate was not a word I would ever have used to describe their relationship—efficient or collaborative, perhaps—but I had never seen how much distance actually existed between them until this very moment.

Considering the fact that they’re actually siblings… I’m only impressed they managed to leave Garak with a view of romantic relationships that isn’t even weirder than it is. The starvation diet of intimacy he grew up under tho, even with parental figures who loved him as far as they were able…

- (About Mila) She was a sturdy, compact woman with prematurely graying hair and strong features that were now leading the way. She was always very patient with me, but I was under the impression that she had something of weight and consequence on her mind that discouraged everything but essential interaction.

- LMAO oh of course he uses the holosuites basically as a sauna. An ill-advisedly horny sauna right now, even fhsajkjfsa. Dude I know you’re bored and Julian won’t speak to you as much as you want him to but this is some extra level of you shouldn't be doing this (as if that has ever stopped him)

- “You’re going to work today, son.” She remained true to her course and didn’t look at me when she spoke.

“I’ve been going to work every day,” I responded, out of a childish loyalty to Father.

“That’s not your work,” she stated. “You’re a man now, and you’re being given a great opportunity. I want you to behave like a man and submit to the path that’s opening up before you.”

“Have I ever opposed your wishes, Mother?” I probably imagined the slight crack of a smile on her face.

. . .

“Your father has ideas I don’t agree with … that are best left unexpressed. I advise you to forget them. They’ll only make your work more difficult.” She stopped and looked at me for the first time. “Understand, Elim—you are being given the opportunity to move above the service class.”

I recoiled from both the word I mistrusted and the implication that the work Mother and Father did was low and demeaning.

“I was taught that the service class was an irreplaceable piece of the Cardassian mosaic,” I replied with crude irony.

“Listen to me!” she said with a passion that startled me. “You are my son and you are a Cardassian. Not a Hebitian. Look around you!” she commanded. I did. We were in the great public area which is surrounded by the buildings that house the power of the Union. “Hebitians did not build this. Cardassians did. Your father and I serve and maintain, but we do not influence or guide the destiny of the Union. You could. That’s why you must submit right now! Do you understand me, Elim? Once we walk through that door,” she indicated the one that led to the subterranean levels of the Assembly building—to the Obsidian Order—'you must submit to your fate.”

Mother’s eyes were burning with an intensity that communicated a care and passion that was every bit the equal of Father’s. I nodded dumbly. She took a deep breath and composed herself. Unconsciously, she smoothed my hair and tugged at my tunic.

“You’re a good boy … Sleg.” This time the smile was real.

He’s SO loyal!! Just the implication that what Mila and Tolan do isn’t valuable or important and he’s ready to throw hands with someone about it fdskjdas. Also “I’ve been going to work every day,” I responded, out of a childish loyalty to Father. GUH. One of nature’s ride or die people

Before Palandine, the other person in his life he uses humor to bond and communicate with is his mother. Don’t have any conclusions to draw about this but I just think it’s neat

I don’t blame Garak for having a Pavlovian horror reaction to the word ‘opportunity’ after all this

Unconsciously, she smoothed my hair and tugged at my tunic. God. God. God.

- “But what am I here for?” I now felt bolder.

“You’re here to find out who you are. And to create your own story.”

“Story?”

“Your history. Up to this point you’ve been defined by other people’s needs. Mila’s. Tolan’s. Your docent’s.”

“Yours?” I asked. Tain laughed.

“Perhaps. But here you have the opportunity to change all that.”

Okay I’m starting to feel a little ill this is going to go so horribly oh god

“When you see your mother, she is ‘Mila’ and you are to treat her like any other service worker.” He held my look to see how I would react to the last order.

Cool cool cool he didn’t even wait five minutes to begin to strip away everything in his life that isn’t tain that’s so great and wonderful

- It was at that moment that I decided that not only was I not going to open up the basement, I was not going to rebuild the house of Enabran Tain. Instead I constructed the largest and most ambitious formation of material where the center of the house—Tain’s study—had formerly been located. This was my memorial to Mila, who remained entombed in the basement. If the people need a place to mourn their dead, to mourn a way of life that will never return, then I offer the home of Enabran Tain, the man most responsible for provoking this destruction. Parmak is right: otherwise, how can we ever move ahead?

I’m so proud of him I feel like a proud parent of this fictional gay murder man old enough to be my father

- I felt oddly disconnected, almost as if I were walking next to and observing this person, Elim Garak, who was playing out a fateline that demanded his submission, and over which he had no control.

. . .

Another basement, but much smaller than home. I wondered if I’d ever live at ground level or higher in the City. . . . When there was nothing left to do I decided to go to sleep. But I couldn’t. From upstairs there came the faint sound of someone moving about. It wasn’t Tain. But how could I be sure? He seemed to be everywhere else in my life.

What is his life but a series of shitty basements when you get right down to it

- Reading, or sewing, or moving my display clothing (optimistic about the shop someday opening again), I’d feel the walls slowly moving in.

I’m just so happy to have it confirmed he really, genuinely grows to enjoy his craft. It’s so cute and I’m so glad he’s excited about it. *doing classic code breaking spy work* UGH I could be sewing right now this sucks

- “Hallo, Garak.” He was waiting at the entrance. “I hope you don’t mind, but I had something prepared for us and thought we could take lunch in my office.”

“No—that sounds fine.” I was taken back by the suggestion, since we had never dined in his office before. I followed as he led the way to the cluttered space he usually reserved for private consultations. When I saw that the table was set for three, my system went on full alert.

“Are we expecting someone else, Doctor?” I asked.

“Well, uh, yes … or rather, Odo was going to try to make it, but he may be held up.” The doctor was almost too casual as he busied himself serving the prepared dishes. “He said we should start without him.” He uncovered my food: tojal in yamok sauce, one of my favorite Cardassian dishes. Now I was certain something was up.

“Where did you find this, Doctor?” I didn’t have the heart to tell him tojal is a breakfast dish.

a) wingman odo back in action!!! ~*mysteriously late*~, is he…. b) bashir knows what cardassian food garak likes best……….. c) this man is eating the alien equivalent of eggs and bacon for dinner b/c it’s such a sweet gesture from julian even if he got it slightly wrong… omg… d) nervous Julian… I would take a bullet for you

“Oddly enough, the chef at the Klingon restaurant fancies himself an intergalactic gourmet. However, I’m afraid the concept of chips still eludes him,” the doctor said as he held up a long, greasy strip of what he called fried potato.

“What’s the occasion, Doctor? You didn’t have to go to all this trouble. You’re a busy man.”

“I just thought it’d be pleasant if we had some privacy today,” he said, avoiding a direct look.

“Oh. For any particular reason?” I asked as I began to eat.

“Well, I… uh … actually was planning to talk about this after lunch.” I could see that the doctor was out of his element. Perhaps he was disconcerted that we had to conduct this lunch without a third party.

“Talk about what, Doctor?” I put down my utensils and gave him my full attention.

“Well, I was hoping that Odo would join us.” The Doctor looked toward the door with a look that corroborated my suspicion. He suddenly nodded.

“Yes, quite right. We should do this before; we’ll digest better.” He suddenly jumped up. “I have some rokossa juice … tea?”

“What is it?” My insistence pulled him back down.

“You know how important those codes are to us. I don’t have to tell you what that information means.”

“No one knows better than I,” I said.

“Of course not. And I respect that for whatever reason you’re … unable to continue to break them down for us.”

“Yes?” I prompted.

“You see, this is so difficult, Garak. I know what a private person you are, and how you detest people meddling in your affairs….”

“Ironic for a spy, isn’t it?”

“No, everyone has a right to their privacy, but … circumstances being what they are….”

. . .

“But you see, perhaps it’s something that I can help you address.”

“Your holosuite program. The one that allows me to visit the traumas of my childhood.”

“I hesitate to suggest this, remembering how you reacted the last time … but, yes, I feel it could make a difference,” the Doctor gamely admitted.

. . .

“And you don’t think that what’s in front of us has any connection to what’s past?” he asked.

“Of course it does, but not in the causal manner you’re suggesting. One model does not fit all, however admirable that model may be.” I smiled and gestured to the Doctor; but he wasn’t in the mood for a compliment.

You know Garak I’ll give you this you never give up and I think that’s beautiful.

“You have my word, Doctor. I will do whatever I possibly can.”

“I’ve never doubted that, Garak.”

I nodded, looking at the third setting. “Tell me, Doctor, why did you invite Odo today?”

“I thought since you were working together on this project….” His voice trailed off. We just looked at each other. “I think I was afraid to do this by myself,” he finally admitted.

“I appreciate your honesty, Doctor. Please assure the captain that I will pick up more codes from Odo today.”

“Thank you, Garak.” The doctor seemed enormously relieved. He gestured to our food. “I’m afraid it’s all gone cold. Why don’t we just go to the Replimat after all?”

“Excellent suggestion,” I eagerly agreed. (He wants to get out of there b/c the small space is making him claustrophobic)

I feel like this scene is more proof that Julian feels like he keeps messing this up. Thankfully his ‘I will help you if it’s the last thing I do’ instinct remains insuppressible lol. Look tho they’re talking properly again :) Julian admits this is hard for him too and that opens something back up a bit!

‘I’ve never doubted that, Garak’ has hit me in a certain kind of way too and idk why. Garak feels like he’s failing and Julian is so immediately reassuring that he knows he’s always doing his best.

- “Learn your stories, follow orders, and serve Cardassia.”

Yeah that’s about what it boils down to huh

- “You see, all you would have to do is prevent your opponent from putting the ball into your goal.”

“And I can’t use my hands?” I asked.

“No, the goalkeeper can use any part of his body,” Hans replied with the widest grin I have ever seen on a face. Children and their games, I thought.

Fdskhfkjsdhfkjsadfhkjdsafa fdsakljfdklas yeah that does seem very human. ‘Hey do you wanna play football with us?’ and GOALIE GARAK!!! And also young adult garak still being soooo…. Somber and serious lmao. I think some of Julian’s LARP nonsense vibes are going to be good for him long-term.

Also. maybe tennis one day. That’s basically what they do verbally anyway I think he could be brought around to see the fun in it if Julian’s on the other side of the net

PS: If Garak didn’t actually fuck Hans Jordt, he was definitely ready to do so. For Cardassia, you understand.

They exhibited such a childlike joy and enthusiasm as they played that I came to understand another meaning of the word “game.” What was more puzzling, however, was watching those people who played the game for no other reason than to … just play. If they or one of their teammates made a mistake, if the opposition scored … they didn’t seem to mind. Some even laughed it off. And at the end, every one actually shook hands and congratulated each other.

They’re not stupid—Maladek has dangerously underestimated them. But there’s something we don’t understand about these humans that limits our effectiveness in dealing with them.

*Attenborough Voice* and here we see the Humans, running around kicking a ball around for, they report, ‘sheer shits and giggles’. They proclaim the whole exercise ‘fun’, even when it results in no clear practical gain either in social standing or training.

- I could only make out the occasional word, and only then if it was repeated, like “yadik,” which is what a young child calls his or her father.

Cardassian term for ‘daddy’ found! Be sure to only use this information responsibly

- Hans continued to smile, and I wondered if he really believed these sentiments—or was this another example of Federation hypocrisy? These people reduced all political complexity to pious platitudes, while they constructed the greatest empire in the history of the Alpha Quadrant.

I really like Garak’s consistently suspicious approach to the Federation philosophically and in action — it’s not that he’s necessarily right about it (tho I think he occasionally has one or two points between all the paranoia), but it is what a clever cautious person on the other side of the divide would think.

“He’s not a traitor. But he needs help. I told him not to go to you, that we’d find a way….” I trailed off, translating my ignorant isolation into that of someone caught between two powerful forces. Tears came to my eyes, and I marveled that I had absolutely no emotional attachment to them.

Yeah I’m sure you have no circumstances in your life to draw from to make this convincing

But it was too late to back down; I had to rely on human prejudice.

“Cowardice and madness are unforgivable,” I went on. “They reflect flaws in the Cardassian character that can never be redeemed.” This was to a certain extent indeed true of cowardice; madness, however, was looked upon as a mysterious disease, and those who suffered were isolated and treated well. In any event, no one was killed unless the cowardice occurred in battle.

“My God,” Hans breathed, confirming, I’m sure, his belief that we were capable of any kind of atrocity. I hated his self-righteous superiority, and calculated the several moves that would send him flying into the abyss.

This thing Garak does where he tests people in ways he has deliberately set them up to fail — and then has a really disdainful hostile reaction when they do fail. Is a pattern, I feel. He does this interpersonally a lot of the time too. I guess it’s the ‘it’s illegal to say what you’re really thinking and feeling and what you need’ disease Cardassia instills in its children lmao. That and the constant lying are tools he can use to control the levels of emotional intimacy in a relation because he’s never been allowed to set actual healthy boundaries in a relationship (submit and subsume) and a person has to salvage some psychological integrity in whatever way they can, even when it can be kind of unpleasant in action.

In the same way that Julian shares the more problematic parts of his ‘I can fix them’ side with his father, this is also a trait Garak shares with Tain, but Tain does it more deliberately and less reflexively — for Garak I think it’s partially a compartmentalization/self-justification mechanism. He engineers to find a way in which a person is shitty so he gets to write them off in his head and then they can’t hurt him and hurting them can’t hurt him. (For the Dragon Age heads out there: very much the same pattern as we see Cole narrate that Iron Bull has to do to keep functioning. The Bull/Garak parallels are frightening to behold in some ways haha ‘it’s the same picture’. Traumatized pansexual old spies in exile support club) I’m not sure Tain has the emotional capacity for true attachment in the first place to need that most of the time — the only place it really seems to pop up is ironically in his relationship to Garak, which is also partially a narcissistic impulse b/c of the ‘flesh of my flesh/reflection of myself’ element of it.

- “I may put you on the enhancer.”

I said nothing. It was enough of a challenge just to return his look.

“How would you feel about that?” he asked.

“I would … submit, of course.”

Fucking horror show culture! :)

“You did well,” he said in the same flat tone. It was amazing how quickly and completely my spirits changed.

…praise kink headcanons in further development pls stand by

- “I told them that you were in over your head and that it was because you were trying to prove something to your father.” His eyes were suddenly furious, and he grabbed my neck with his free hand and held the phaser up to my head.

“What do you know? What do you know about anything?” he screamed in my face.

Ah. The dramatic irony. It burns me and my heart to a cinder. Maladek has a surprising impact considering how briefly he’s here

“Just tell him … you did the best you could.”

This is while Garak’s mental framework of fatherhood still works along Tolan rules. And it’s SO SAD b/c oh boy that ain’t gonna last long

“Come in, Elim.” Tain had his uncle smile working today.

I hate him I hate him I hate him I HATE HIM!!!

This was my first experience with Tain’s working methods. For him it was all a puzzle, and we were the separate pieces he put together at his pleasure. I had to accept that the final result—destroying the talks—was the one he wanted. But there was one question I needed to ask. Maladek’s final look haunted me still.

“What is it, Elim?” Tain asked.

“What happened to Maladek?”

“You didn’t hear?” He seemed surprised. “A terrible thing really. He killed himself.”

I didn’t move a muscle. I felt my throat begin to constrict. Tain watched me.

. . .

At least Maladek didn’t have to worry about what he would say to his father now.

OOFIE DOOFIE! ‘Better dead than a disappointment to your father’

- The previous leadership structure has been discredited; people are aware that the military was the most influential group, and their agenda was to keep the mechanism for conquest and expansion well oiled. As long as they brought back the spoils of this policy, they were able to hold on to their power. And while I think most people now understand that direct responsibility for our current circumstances has to be placed at the door of the military, there are still many who believe otherwise.

. . .

Another man from our sector, Alon Ghemor, the nephew of Tekeny Ghemor, the legate who believed that Colonel Kira was his daughter, is organizing based on the political belief that we have to rebuild a new society administered by civilian leadership, one that lives in what he calls “creative harmony” with the rest of the Quadrant. What’s interesting is that I went to school with Ghemor. I saw him at a rally that was held here (yes, my little Tarlak has become a focal point for the sector). When he appeared I yelled, “Five Lubak!” He didn’t recognize me at first, but then his eyes widened, and he answered, “Ten!” He seemed genuinely pleased to see me. Dr. Parmak, who’s an ardent supporter of Ghemor and organized the rally, was quite impressed. It’s encouraging to see that my old schoolmate has remained a decent man.

FIVE LUBAK WAS A GHEMOR AND HE’S FINE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! :D this made me unreasonably happy haha. Fellow MLM Pythas enjoyer made it safely to adulthood

I’m not smart or well-read enough on the subject to really speak on this in a meaningful way, but I do recognize enough to be really intrigued by all the elements and tropes of British culture and literature Robinson employs in this book. From the particular boarding school from hell flavour to everyone in high positions he runs into being old school mates and a lot of the social mores and dynamics going on in the background (right down to the specific brand of emotional repression required by the culture, for all I make jokes about Julian’s stiff upper lip direct callout haha). It’s the horrible strictly class-segregated colonialist & expansionist evil empire of it all, I suppose. I feel like the Cardassians aren’t quite this Brit-coded in the show itself (though of course the horrors of fascism and imperialism resonate across many different cultures in Earth history, that isn’t all of what’s going on here), where it’s more of a ‘little bit of this, little bit of that, add some grey face paint and gul dukat’s giraffe-length neck and hey presto you’ve got some real problematic alligators on your hands’, but it does kind of work. It’s an intertextuality that is more readily available for a novel rather than a TV-show too — the way the form of the narrative creates the parallels as well as the contents within it.

But this is our problem now (and I can see you ready to pounce, Doctor): What is our new mechanism of choice? A small group of Mondrig’s supporters are attempting to intimidate people, but to engage them with organized opposition would be dangerous.

. . .

Dr. Parmak, however, is a believer in the democratic principles you and I have spent many hours arguing over (what is it about you doctors?). He and Ghemor want the people of the sector to be able to vote. It’s a new concept for us, but everyone is so weary from the war and its devastation that it’s a serious possibility. Yes, I can picture you sitting with your feet up, gloating with that self-satisfied smile of Federation enlightenment. And perhaps you’re right.

The tiny little Julian that lives in Garak’s brain is smiling brilliantly but SO smugly and Garak is just fondly like ‘yeah yeah babe fine you win this one’ about it fjsdkfhajkhkdsjahfjksa this is. Unspeakably sweet to me. Just the depth of how much Garak clearly wants Julian to be there with him (which is deliciously ironic given my reading that Julian has been getting the complete opposite read on him. augh)

- Indeed, judging from the way I was treated, I was regarded as one of Tain’s protégés (the “sons of Tain” they called us), and held to a rigorous standard. I was envied and feared, but returning to this house had revealed the true depths of my loneliness.

:’’’’’’’’’’(

- “Look … Mila. He’s a man,” he said with wonder, as if the intervening years had been mere days.

“Well, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be?” I tried to joke.

I feel like I’m on fire. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be…

“You have nothing to apologize for, Elim. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Ah yes. The fundamental Tolan/Tain divide. Tain would make Garak apologize for being born in a way so annoying to him personally and then not forgive him when he does. I think Tolan and Palandine are the only people who ever express to Garak they’re sorry for hurting him in this era

“Please, Father….”

“I’m not your father.”

I studied his face to make sure that he wasn’t drifting away. His eyes were clear and present; if anything, the glitter had intensified.

“Of course you are.” I spoke to him as if he were a child or a simpleton.

“Elim, there’s no time to waste. I have always loved you like a son. I wished with all my heart that you were my son. But you’re not.”

Now I felt like the child. “Then … I don’t understand. Who is?”

Tolan sighed. “Your mother is the one to tell you. I made a promise….” and his voice trailed off.

“I don’t understand,” I repeated. “Why?”

If I had a nickel for every time Garak had to beg his father to be allowed to even call him his father on his deathbed, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it says some real weird things about Garak’s life that it happened twice

“I don’t understand,” I repeated. “Why?”

“Oh, my dear Elim. The soul of a poet, and look at you … your closed face … all those secrets….” A spasm rippled through him like a sudden wind over still water. “Too many secrets … it’s like poison.” He brought his trembling, clawlike hand up to my face. “Too many secrets poison the soul.”

What a fucking microcosm of his whole life lmao. Just. Existentially confused at all times

“Now take them and go.” He closed his eyes and went completely still. I stood there a long time. Thoughts, images, feelings swirled through me, collided, lingered, dissipated—and I did nothing but observe them. I had no choice. To identify with any one of them meant certain chaos. I maintained my detachment as I repacked the red box. A part of me stood off to the side and watched the rest of me pick up the box, go over to Tolan, and press my open palm against his cold, dry forehead.

“Good-bye, Father.”

At all times Garak is sitting in the middle of his own on-fire mind like the ‘This Is Fine’ dog and that’s so relatable of him honestly

He calls Tolan ‘Father’ right up until the end of Tolan’s life. What the hell. What the hell.

- Mila seeing the red box and just like. Sighing fhskda

- “And I have a right….” She cut herself off and made a wide gesture with her arms that seemed to include everything around her. And then it hit me … and simultaneously we both heard his footsteps upstairs. A chill went through me. Of course. I went to the stairs and looked at Mother. Her face was softer, younger. For this one moment the distance between us had dissolved. The footsteps were now directly above us. My entire life had been dominated by his presence. So had Mother’s … and Tolan’s. I nodded and started up the stairs.

“Elim….” I stopped and looked back down at her. I could see how handsome and strong her face must have been when she was young.

“What, Mother?”

“Be careful,” she finally warned.

Fucked up by just how quickly he starts to understand and sympathize with her. He lashes out at her for ten seconds and then puts the pieces together and then seems to like. Start to understand. To forgive her, even. Interpersonally he is so generous with his own forgiveness even while being starved of ever getting it in return for the longest time.

This must also be one of the last times (if not THE last time) he calls her ‘Mother’ (he also calls her that when speaking to Tain right after, and Tain doesn’t mention it but surely notices, just as he notices him calling Tolan by his first name for the first time).

‘Closing the distance’ as one of the things Garak struggles most with in personal relationships and how it only ever happens for him in short glimpses…

- “I’m glad you’ve come to me here. We can … express ourselves in a way that’s not possible elsewhere.”

Indeed, the dark room with the piled scrolls and their musky smell, the artifacts and ancient wall hangings with their glyphs and symbols—was any of it Hebitian, I wondered?—was a world far removed from the cold efficiency of the Order. We were sealed away in an ageless cavern.

“Tolan and I shared a love of classic beauty, the old aesthetics that guided and revealed. He was a visionary, Elim. All those designs at Tarlak, the way the greenswards and plantings contained the monuments, never allowing them to brutalize us with death. Mothers and children are as welcome there as the guls and legates. All were based on classical designs. Oh, yes, he was a dedicated man. You were fortunate to be able to work with him.”

‘Never allowing them to brutalize us with death’ is SUCH a phrasing. What is Tolan’s complicity in dressing up the horrors of the military state to be serene and beautiful so you don’t have to think about the sources of atrocities that lie cradled beneath the tidy well-maintained graves. What’s the responsibility of beauty, if any, other than to itself. Thinking about Garak rebuilding a different kind of Tarlak from the rubble in the ‘now’ timeline. Wild shit. More his father’s son than you’ll ever understand Tain (this is a Tolan support blog ultimately he did what he could)

Also makes me desperately curious about what the fuck went down before Garak was born. Did Tain know Tolan through Mila or vice versa? How were circumstances such that Mila and Tolan were not publicly known to be siblings, presumably? Cardassians have robust public records about that sort of thing, after all, that’s what Garak’s Obsidian Order cover story boils down to lol. Full siblings but from somewhere far enough away that no one knew them in this city, half-siblings or raised apart, not actual biological siblings but grew up together, what is the thing here? Born out of wedlock and so fallen conveniently between the administrative cracks somewhere? They’re clearly not actually living together as man and wife (thank god), but I assume they were married on paper because I doubt Tain would let there be any way to suss out the truth of the situation and leave someone to guess at his own involvement. But then Tain has friends in high places and no scruples slash soul, he could probably get something suitably convincing arranged. Also such a perfect illustration of uh everything going on here that they had to risk the chance of one day being exposed for apparent incest rather than being exposed for premarital sex right now lmao. God forbid anything break with the wholesome system of traditional Cardassian family values.

This indicates Tain knows about Tolan’s Oralian way sympathies (and presumably pretended he shared them on some deeper level than as a useful tool when they were younger), even as he’ll hold it like a Damocles sword over his head the same way he does the existence of Mila the regnar and Palandine with Garak.

Also, again: the fact that Garak doesn’t have even weirder conceptions of romantic relationships is frankly a miracle good job Tolan and Mila for not fucking him up worse

I remembered one of the few times Tain had taken me outside the city, when he’d put me on a Cardassian riding hound. He’d held the bridle and walked me around the course. Then he’d given me the bridle and had walked next to me as the hound panted and slobbered. Then he’d said, “It’s time.” He’d slapped the hound hard, and it had taken off at full speed. But I’d hung on, though frightened by the sudden speed and surging power beneath me. Gradually I’d begun to adjust and learn to roll with the hound’s concussive undulations.

“I was never happier in my life,” I said out loud. “I turned around to wave to you, and I fell.”

Tain studied me for a long moment and nodded. “And you pulled yourself up and continued to ride. I remember.”

Im haunted. Happiest day of his life and he was five years old and his father gave him — the faintest little gesture of affection and pride and that got him for life. And actually I think this is the one time/the one relationship where Tain does the thing Garak does where he makes something that moves him an enemy in his head. So few things really move Tain emotionally that I don’t think he has to resort to that in such a savagely reactive way as Garak does most of the time, but I think that day with his son might have. And that’s what he’s never going to forgive him for.

ALSO how insidious is it that the one thing Tain is truly proud of Garak for — getting up every time he falls down and trying again, even when it hurts him and he should stop, because he knows Tain is watching him — is what allows him to keep Garak hooked all those years. It’s so messed up.

- Tain remained in his chair as I walked out of the room. I walked out into the night with my red box and all the way to the Tarlak Sector. I went to the children’s area and sat across from where Tolan and I had planted the Edosian orchids. At some point I opened the box and took out the mask. I studied the eyeless face and half expected it to talk to me, to explain why my life had become so complicated, so beyond my control. But it was obviously another “night person,” guarding its secrets. There were hooks that went over the ears, and I attached the mask to my face. I sat there and waited … but nothing was revealed. Finally the tears came.

I did warn you that this was going to recur and that it would break your heart. I warned you.

- contemplating the cursed line of thought that the mila/tain/tolan thing is a mirror of one way the palandine/barkan/garak inadvisable sandwich could have gone, if barkan were smarter and capable of less brute force methods long term ala tain. You think Garak could have ever broken away again if you handed him a kid and arranged it so that their future and happiness depended on his compliance and submission no matter what you ask of him, any more than Tolan could? Thank god Barkan is an idiot basically because being trapped between Tain and this theoretical clever Barkan’s setup would probably be even more fucking ruinous to Garak’s psyche than what’s already going on here haha

- I had done what Tain asked, and in the following years no one was as dedicated a night person as I was. I went everywhere they asked me to go and stayed as long as it took to complete the mission, but Tain never said a word that would indicate whether he was pleased or displeased. In fact, I saw very little of him, and even less of Mila. This distance from them, and the fact that I was rarely home, actually made my work easier. My primary contact at the Order was Limor Prang, who became even less expressive, if that were possible, as he grew older. I knew, however, that my dedication, and the absence of any kind of life outside of the Order, concerned him. On those occasions he’d tersely suggest that I visit Morfan Province or some such popular vacation area. I’d tell him I’d consider it, and accept another assignment… or tend to my orchids… or walk.

Why is this so funny. Limor Prang being like ‘dude tain idk about this kid he does his job real well but he literally has no hobbies but murder and gardening I think there might be something fundamentally wrong with him’ (*Tain voice* yeah I know and it took a lot of effort to fuck him up this badly don’t undo all my hard work please)

- The magic of these flowers has fascinated me from the moment I first saw them. The mysterious way they reveal themselves, layer by layer…. Just when you think they can’t get any more beautiful, that you can’t learn anything more, another layer of bloom surpasses the previous one and the orchid changes personality. Recently I have developed a new indulgence—clothing—and I know it’s because of the influence of the Edosian orchid. Each time I put on another well-designed and well-tailored suit in a fabric with depth and an aesthetic pattern, I feel like another person. One of my favorite duties is to choose what I will wear for each assignment.

AUGH I am just so FOND of him!!! One of his favorite parts of his murder job is picking out what outfits he’s going to wear!!!!! His queer little flower-loving weirdo clinical murder swag is unmatched

- I looked across the greensward, and there she was, the blue-black hair and the long, dark gray skirt flowing behind her as she chased a little girl who was giggling, trying to escape from her mother but knowing that the beauty of the game was that she wouldn’t. Half of me wanted to run after them, the other half wanted to be buried deep in the ground. Why her? Why now? With sudden clarity I saw my entire life as a defense against this very moment. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling; I didn’t want this immense burden of desire. I had learned to be satisfied with the occasional brusque sexual contact that quenched desire the way food or water did, and to live without any expectation of that touch that transforms routine into adventure. Watching Palandine and her daughter defy gravity with their dance of love destroyed all my definitions, and my carefully maintained boundaries began to give way, for the first time since Bamarren, to the magic of limitless possibility. I knew at that moment that I’d never be satisfied again. Even my beloved orchids looked like weeds.

I watched like someone unable to avert his eyes from impending horror, as the mother ran down the daughter and gathered her up in her strong arms. They were both giggling, absolutely fulfilled in each other’s company, lighting up the grounds with their radiance.

This idea of love and intimacy being likened to wanting to be able to run, in the knowledge you’ll be safely caught and held in the end, in laughter and closeness… Come find me hiding in the place I know you’ll look first, huh. (also makes his dismissal of the act of play earlier take on some new implications haha)

- Lokar was the favorite of such powerful Cardassians as his father, Draban Lokar, and Procal Dukat, key members of the Civilian Assembly and Central Command respectively. In fact, his prefect on Terok Nor, the ore processing station, was Procal’s son, Skrain Dukat. Lokar’s ambition and his prospects had no limit. Nor, it seems, did his appetite for using and disposing of people… especially women. His tyrannical excesses, visited upon friend and foe alike, were well documented; but as long as his stewardship produced such successful results no one cared. Lokar has quickly become an integral part of the easy corruption I see and smell more and more at the highest levels of our system, and which gives the lie to our stern and moralistic facade. Perhaps, I thought, when I leave for Tzenketh tomorrow, I’ll erase all memory of the way back.

. . .

There were few pedestrians, since this was the time of the evening when families gathered after a long day of work and school: The good Cardassians. The sector reeked of rectitude and self-importance.

His growing disillusionment with all of this going on in the background. (I think he backslides massively on most of that once he’s in exile b/c like. Even when home sucks it’s still home and he’s not allowed there anymore. But in his second story in The Wire he says something like ‘the whole exercise suddenly seemed utterly meaningless’, and I think it’s that dawning ennui that’s peeking through here.)

- But the jostling and the noise only made me more aware of the loathsome self-pity I was feeling. I wanted my life to be arranged without need, to be totally self-sufficient, able to do my work for the Order and find fulfillment wherever I could—to accept my life as enough. But how could I, when my deepest involvement was with orchids?

That’s the thing the wire does that is most insidious and specifically most apt to trap him, I think — it allowed at least the illusion of total emotional self-sufficiency, divorcing all the happy brain chemicals from the vulnerability of needing someone or something else. (I mean it didn’t work, he was clearly incredibly miserable anyway, but that’s the underlying seductive logic of addiction for you)

The way he thinks of this as weakness, like it’s an underlying strain of embarrassing, undisciplined self-indulgence that runs through him, when really when you look at it closely it’s his soul fighting tooth and nail to continue to exist, even on scraps, even when it’s inconvenient to the people who would rather he strangle that thing in its cradle and submit himself fully. In The Wire this is what he seems to loathe about himself most of all. It feels so… furtive and shameful, like he keeps getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar for crumbs even as he’s starving, but like yeah thank god he managed to survive it on those crumbs, right. Me @ me through Garak: Hey maybe having any kind of emotional need is not in fact a mortal sin but maybe a sign that something within you is still alive and needs a gardener’s gentle hands to grow had you even considered that

- “It takes courage to come here, to look at things the way they once were. And while they can never be that way again, we can extract an essence that will nurture and amplify our own lives. We can strive to be better friends and live with ourselves and others with respect and the recognition that each soul desires to be reconnected with the source. To enslave or prey upon each other is not how we began. We were connected to each other. We did not experience hunger, deprivation, or loneliness. We were connected, and we cared and nurtured and loved. No, friends, it’s not how we began. But if we end in isolation and hate, not even a monument in Tarlak will ease the agony of our lost soul.”

. . .

By the time I reached the door I decided that it was all sentimental nonsense. Cardassia suffered a great climatic catastrophe—and if we hadn’t been strong and determined to adapt, we would have perished with the weak. And the weak must perish; otherwise the integrity of the race is compromised and we become the preyed-upon. Poor misguided Tolan. He was a good man but he was a gardener, and the worst thing he had ever had to do was kill weeds.

The patented Garak move of ‘oh this thing genuinely moved me? No it didn’t. And also I hate it’. (“I hate this place and I hate you”)

- “Your necropolis has become the subject of much conversation throughout the sector,” he replied. “Or is it a memorial to your former mentor?”

“It’s whatever people want it to be. It seems to give comfort to some. For me it meant bringing some order out of this chaos.”

In his deepest heart he remains the cemetery keeper’s son and I for one think that’s beautiful. Fic idea: what about necromancer garak au I think that could be fun

“You’ve heard of the movement afoot to bring in Federation methods for determining our new leadership structure?”

“No, I haven’t,” I replied without hesitating. I prayed that Parmak wouldn’t make one of his unannounced nocturnal visits.

*Gentle cackle* cue Parmak in his underwear trying desperately to be quiet as he climbs out the window in the background

I understand you’re working with a Dr. Parmak who’s very much involved with Ghemor.”

“I was assigned to his med unit. The situation makes for strange bedfellows,” I added.

“Of course.” I found it interesting, Doctor, that for some reason it would never occur to Madred that I would actually enjoy my relationship with Parmak. I had the feeling that he was making an assumption about me that was perhaps reinforced by my involvement with the Order and Tain.

Well well 👀👀👀(also ‘strange bedfellows’. Yeah we get it garak you’re hilarious fhdska)

It takes a man of incredible equanimity, emotional security and generosity of spirit to get it on with a guy who’s currently writing a 200+ page soul-baring letter to another man like it’s the one hope he sees among the ruins of your homeworld, but you know I think Parmak has what it takes and good for him honestly

Madras seemingly completely forgetting or completely dismissing that Garak is originally from the service class lol yes very well observed. Would not even occur to him to think that anyone not of his class and standing is a real person with agency and intelligence.

- One of my genuine pleasures was to pick someone in the street to follow. Part of it was to satisfy a desire I’ve had since Bamarren to move through places and among people undetected, a desire that increased significantly after seeing Palandine and her daughter. In the intervening years, I’d pick someone who looked like a walker and follow him or her as long as they walked. I’d make sure my presence was minimized and I’d take on the person’s physical carriage and behavior. After a while, once the physical mimicry felt complete, I’d also take on the thoughts and feelings of that person. In this way I not only felt connected to another, but I was divested of my own thoughts and emotions—especially the painful ones.

Y’know I would make fond fun of him for just how sad that is if I thought I had a fucking leg to stand on. As it is, though. I mean. Haven’t we all been there. Please tell me we’ve all been there. It would make me feel better if we’ve all been here. (Interesting furthering and explicit calling out of the Odo parallel too — taking on someone’s shape to try to understand and feel closer to them without it necessarily fulfilling the longing that prompted it)

- Of course, she had spotted me. It was almost as if I had begged her to.

“Elim!” Her voice was winded, exasperated, and amused. She was a magnificent athlete, and her long legs had very quickly caught up with me. I turned.

. . .

“But I suppose the fact that you were also at the Grounds and the Assembly building could be an extraordinary coincidence,” she said with a look that challenged me to come up with an answer. I couldn’t. I felt exposed and ashamed.

“I’m … sorry. I tried to be discreet.” There was no point in pursuing the deception.

“Elim, you forget—I studied with the same teachers. Old habits die hard,” she added with a self-deprecating laugh.

“I was not going to do it again,” I assured her.

“Let’s walk,” she suggested, noticing a couple coming out of a building.

. . .

“It reminds me of the enclosure at Bamarren,” I said. She laughed, and the old delight momentarily flashed.

“Yes! That’s why I love it here.” But her expression changed and she gave me a look that creased the lines in her face. “We treated you so terribly.”

“Please….” I started to say.

“We did, Elim. You know that. We believed… or at least I believed….” she stopped herself with a bitter laugh. I didn’t ask her what it was she had believed.

“That’s finished now,” I said.

“Is it?” she asked with a wry smile. “Well, that’s good news.”

“We were children, Palandine.”

“Yes, we were. Aspiring to be grownups.” She gave me that creased look again. “You were the grownup, Elim. We were only pretending.”

“Please…” I tried to stop her again.

“No! I lost you as a friend. I think you understand this … unless I’m very much mistaken.”

In acknowledging she did something awful to him and that she regrets hurting him for what turned out to be not even very good reasons, she has shown more care for him than basically every other person in his life but Tolan up until this point. The bar here is so low but at least she stepped over it when everyone else got busy trying to limbo dance that shit, it’s y’know something

“At first I didn’t know what to do. There you were, sitting like your regnar among those magnificent orchids. It unnerved me at the beginning, but after a while I looked forward to your being there … watching us.” As we held each other’s look I didn’t try to hide my conflicted feelings.

“Why did you decide to follow me today?” she asked. I struggled to find an answer. She nodded as if confirming something to herself. “Tell me, would you have ever… declared yourself to me if I hadn’t?”

“No,” I replied. She nodded again, this time with a sad acceptance. “You keep your own counsel now, don’t you? This must be very dangerous for you.”

“For us both. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you,” I added.

“No,” she smiled.

What a fucking… shoujo-ass bullshit thing to happen fhkdshfsa palandine looking at him sitting there among the orchids in his fancy lil clothes with his sad boy lil face and the wind was probably gently caressing his hair too. Of course he was irresistible to her at this point he’s basically a teenage girl’s secret heart’s perfect fantasy for a woman who’s been forced to grow calloused and resigned to the actual nightmare married life she is living

“Where do you work?”

“At the Hall of Records.”

“Doing what?” she asked.

“I’m a research analyst,” I answered.

“What kind of research do you analyze?” She was not going to be put off with vague answers.

“I’m a bureaucrat, Palandine. I no longer try to make my work sound interesting. The best part is that I travel a great deal to gather data on population shifts—births, deaths. Most of my work is statistical analysis—making sure the facts match the reports we receive.” I delivered this with appropriate flatness.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

“I like the travel,” I answered. Her face was now a grimace.

I’m just a little research analyst/tailor/gardener ma’am…

I could see that she was upset by what she perceived as my fall from grace. Promising young man forced by circumstances to live the life of a lonely functionary.

R U sure that’s what she’s thinking Garak. R U really underestimating her again so soon. Also she’s trying so hard to flirt with you, Julian’s obliviousness is revenge for this

“Do you still hate him?” she asked.

“Hate’s a strong word.”

“But we’re all capable of feeling it, Elim. How do you feel about me?” she asked with a direct simplicity that went through my body like electric shock. The churning I experienced earlier at the Tarlak Grounds returned. I was afraid to answer. She nodded again with resignation. This time she had completely misread my thoughts. I realized that she not only expected my hate, but accepted it. She stood up and seemed smaller.

“This wasn’t such a good idea after all, was it?” And when had she ended so many of her sentences with a question?

“What happened to you?” I asked sincerely. “You were the most confident person I’d ever known. Even when you made the decision at Bamarren there was no doubt—no apology.” Her eyes suddenly fractured and tears filled the cracks. “Do you think I followed you because I hate you?”

She couldn’t answer. She just stood there shivering. I moved to her to hold her, and she didn’t resist. She didn’t move. She let me put my arms around her and draw her vibrating body to mine. The touch, the feel of her against my body was something I had never expected to experience outside my imagination. For the first time since Bamarren, I wanted to expand my presence, to feel everything that was coming through this moment and joining us. Inexplicably, I had a sudden vision of the Guide, the woman from the meeting.

“This is our secret, Elim,” Palandine whispered.

“Yes,” I answered. “Our secret.” Another one. But it didn’t feel like it would poison me.

‘And when had she ended so many of her sentences with a question’. Oh Palandine :’(

The fact that he can try to deny his own needs for decades and then break completely the moment someone he loves needs something from him. Yeah that’s probably the big weak spot for him huh. I guess Tain was mostly gambling that his needs would always get first priority in the end

Also: Palandine saying everyone is capable of hate, and Tain claiming later on that he doesn’t hate anyone even as he’s throwing a party that Merrok is dead. Very Interesting.

Garak apparently writes poetry about Palandine during this time, btw. *through tears* he’s such a SAP.

This pattern he has of interpersonally of a sort of… hide and seek, ‘Please come find me, please track me down, I’m leaving you a trail of breadcrumbs and truth-telling lies and hope and I’ll make it so easy for you to connect the dots it’s kind of pathetic on my part but who needs dignity anyway’… it’s so clumsy and child-like and full of both longing and fear. He’s TRYING but he doesn’t know any better way to do it yet. And especially with Julian, that’s where part of the misunderstanding/misalignment between them comes in, I feel, when the uh ‘signals to play’ as it were start to get muddled. ‘He doesn’t really tell me what he’s thinking’. And then he goes and writes a whole book to Julian to let him in on exactly what he’s thinking fjdsjfak truly, a man who does not do anything by halves

Somehow it also seems kind of healing that the potential for being found without anything having to be kept secret is finally, finally on the table, if (when, I know this in my heart literally what does canon even know if it disagrees it is quite simply wrong) Julian takes him up on the invitation.

#a stitch in time #asit #elim garak #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #The great ASIT first read adventure #ds9 meta #garashir #julian bashir

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artbyblastweave · 2 years

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Gideon the Ninth Liveread, Chapter 9

I like the subtle gag of capitalizing “Gideon’s First morning.”

The bathroom sequence is an old standby- “fish-out-of-water-from-a-spartan-culture-explores-an-upper-mediocre-living-space” and paints an interesting picture of Gideon’s knowledgebase and ingrained Taboos. She knows what a Sink is from comic books but not what a bathtub is. She knows that soap made from human fat is an off-putting thing to wash oneself with, and uses the sonic in light of that, but at the same time grew up in an environment where all soap was human fat and thus there was no local taboo for her to pick up. Strongly suspect she’s never used soap before, just to spite the nuns; it’s also possible that she knows soap generally isn’t made from human fat (again via her comic books) but suspects that First House soap specifically might be, given their parallels to the religiosity of the Ninth House; This seems unlikely, given the lack of available humans, but it’s also unclear where they’re getting their supplies from, so, uh. Who knows. Anway this has been your daily three hundred word tangent about human fat soap.

Gideon’s complaint about Harrow upon finding the ring gone implies a previous track record of Harrow taking Gideon’s things; It keeps coming back to the fact that their Rivalry growing up was comically intimate and petty for how spiteful it was. Harrow knowing enough to cut Gideon’s attempted loophole abuse off at the knees also attests to this.

The general disrepair of Canaan House is interesting; they did the bare-minimum necessary to get it functional for the presence of some of the best and brightest of the empire, and while the house is obviously too big to keep in full repair on a skeleton crew, they had some lead time to get some contractors in, for the quarters at least! The general decay of the situation feels like a flex; “you; treasured scions of the great houses, are not special enough to merit anything but birdnets over the holes.”

Here we get a confirmation of my earlier assessment that Skeletons have essentially taken the niche of robotics technology in this setting; the skills involved in making a skeleton are described in similar terms to coding and precision engineering. This stand-in for robotics technology is notably not a one-to-one thing that could be swapped out for actual robots, or clones, or a similar servile construct race; the one-to-one necessity of human death to provide energy and materials for each skeleton integrates the technology directly into the story’s themes.

Alright, enter Magnus. The way that Gideon juxtaposes Magnus with the horrible teenagers of the fourth (and I love their affect, incidentally, I used to do something similar to my roommate all the time when I wanted to bother him) is interesting. The first descriptor is “Wholesome.” My knee-jerk reaction is that Gideon is casting about for a parental figure of some sort and he’s the first candidate she’s really encountered; I find him mildly endearing if a bit overbearing. There is a Specific Bit that he’s leaning into, the same basic bit that semi-parodic characters like Sir Hammerlock from Borderlands are leaning into. Polite-to-a-fault pseudo-British Gentleman adventurer, except probably less divorced from the imperialist connotations. We’ll see how things go with him.

Gideon’s description of Canaan House- deceptively lateral in its layout, with no obvious path to the upper lower sections, but still deeply confusing- is interesting, because this clearly was a house at one point. What was it like when this place was in use by humans? How many humans was it in use by? Was it a Winchester-house situation where the handful of people using it thought it would be funny to make it impossibly complicated?

Gideon’s earlier lack of recognition of plumbing-like, as a concept- are reiterated here; she doesn’t understand the function of the pool, constantly calling it a “Pit,” incapable of understanding why there would be ladders leading down into it- but she does immediately recognize the rest of the space as a gymnasium, which tells you a lot about her priorities. I get a lot of chatter on this site about the “Pool Scene,” and you know what, I actually really heavily doubt that this scene was that.

Oh, she can’t swim, can she? She’s on an ocean planet, A Pool has very pointedly been presented as a place of narrative importance, and she grew up on a bone-dry rock. She can’t swim.

Alright, this door will be relevant later. And I’m not just saying that because I’m perpetually six chapters ahead in the book of the chapter I’m writing these about, expanding on my initial notes as I go. It’s a big black door with an exquisitely-described skull that only Gideon knows about.

Alright, enter the thirdlings. First real in-depth examination of them.

Naberius is interesting because he’s hitting on basically all the observations I’ve hit upon about the mind games being played at Canaan house- the deliberately-squalid conditions, the funny little mentor man, the shuttles being pushed off the platform- except he’s approaching the matter from the perspective of these mind games’s target audience, that is to say, someone extremely entitled who views these things an affront to someone of his standing rather than, say, as a gigantic red fucking flag that they’re all about to be killed. He’s talking about writing to the heir’s fathers about it. Now, Naberius is implicitly a badass because he’s the cavalier from a House that’s got it’s shit together, so this might account for the discrepancy, but this is still pretty unique; it’s like if the fodder children in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory exhibited suspicion of Wonka’s set-up as a test of character intended to thin them out but plowed ahead with the offending behaviors anyway. He knows what kind of story he’s in but hasn’t internalized it.

I can’t tell which twin is which in the “second voice and third voice” sequence, but I can tell which twin Gideon is very, very into. The takeaway here is that Ianthe is the booky one, Coronabeth is the golden child, and....

oh god. That took a turn. Coronabeth treats Naberius like a dog, and the narration uses that imagery. Ostensibly she does this on the behalf of her sister- the golden child standing up for the maligned lesser twin- but look me in the eye and tell me that this isn’t coming from a place of royalty-inculcated sadism. And then Ianthe, despite being the offended party in theory, despite being the more abrasive of the two by far, is the one to get Coronabeth to simmer down; not on any moral grounds but because she’s wasting time. And then Coronabeth starts being chummy with Naberius (Babs!) again like nothing happened. It’s been implied to me that Ianthe is the evil one in the dynamic? (and what is the dynamic, exactly? Three or four different reads on this sequence. They’re siblings. They’re a preppy clique. They’re... a third secret thing.)

And in the end, Ianthe is the one to hang back and deliver a cryptic warning to Gideon. “I would not attract attention from the necromancer of the third house.” And this could be in reference to her sister (who Ianthe appears to be the leash-holder for) and thus a warning, or it could be in reference to herself, and thus a threat, because Gideon already has attracted her attention. That’s what’s happening right this second. Yeah, no wonder Naberius went right to mind games. That’s just his lived experience with these two.

As a last note, the recurring theme with these three is that of boundries, and pushing them; they were introduced as arriving late, they brought one more person than they were expected to, their conversation was intensely mutually antagonistic but in a reasonable way until Naberius inadvertently crossed an unspoken line; Coronabeth’s response, in turn, is clearly influenced by the need to toe some line Ianthe has set; and as they leave, Ianthe takes time to communicate that Gideon is on the path to transgression but doesn’t yet merit corrective action.

It’s actually a little reminiscent of Gideon’s own situation on the ninth- a upbringing defined by an endless state of rebellion that was still on some level coloring within the lines; the lines in question just being really, really weird. Gideon’s no stranger to fucked-up “what-exactly-is-the-nature-of-this-relationship” relationships, either!

As a last note, “Coronabeth” is an outrageously funny name to me. Part “Corona,” Part “Annabeth.” Faintly portmanteau-ish. Almost reminds me of. It reminds me of. You know what webcomic this reminds me of by now

#gideon the ninth liveread #gideon the ninth #gideon the 9th #gideon nav #blastweave livereads #the locked tomb #tlt #the locked tomb liveread #thoughts #meta #ianthe tridentarius #magnus quinn #coronabeth tridentarius #naberius tern #jesus these keep getting longer and longer

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bi-bard · 1 year

Text

Lizzy McAlpine Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd - Jason Todd Imagine [Titans (HBO)]

Title: Lizzy McAlpine Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd

Pairing: Jason Todd X Reader

Word Count: 2,089 words

Warning(s): unhealthy grieving, injury, argument, yelling, mention of sex

Author's Note: There are like four of these currently planned for Jason (counting this one). It's becoming a problem. You guys need to stop encouraging me.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

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erase me

Don't answer me I'm calling just to hear you scream And you're fading But he feels like you in between

It was all about grief.

Not that I wanted to admit that.

I wanted to believe that this was just me changing as time went on. It had nothing to do with anything else around me. I was just growing. Exploring.

After Jason's death, my decline was fast.

At first, I was isolating. I hid away from the entire group. I only trained on my own. I spent most of my day curled up in my room. Someone would try to stop by, usually Gar trying to get me to eat. Sometimes it was Dick trying to get me to just walk around the tower for a little while or just talk to him.

After a while, I started forcing myself out of the tower. I would go out and find the best place to hide in. Anywhere with loud music and flashing lights and too many people that I could spend just a bit of time devoting my time and energy to. I would overwhelm my senses just to shut off my thoughts for a few hours.

I called that growing. Getting better. Moving through the grief.

No one agreed with me.

I was tired of the worried looks. I just ignored them.

Every night, I would come back to see Dick waiting up for me. I would ignore him, going back to hide in my room before he could lecture me.

I wasn't blind.

I knew when I felt someone watching me.

I ignored it for a while. But when I caught sight of someone on the roof of a building, I knew that I couldn't avoid an inevitable confrontation.

I sighed, turning into an alley. I jumped up onto a fire escape and climbed up.

The figure was still on the roof, looking around the street frantically. I almost chuckled. They'd lost sight of me.

"Who the hell are you," I called. The figure froze, their back still facing me. "Who the hell are you and why have you been watching me?"

I stepped forward, ready to pick a fight if I needed to.

And then, the figure turned around.

Jason.

I stepped back immediately. I shook my head, convincing myself that I had been imagining things. That was it. I had finally lost it. I would have to tell Dick that he was right. I needed help.

"You can't be real," I mumbled, more to myself than Jason.

"(Y/n)-"

"Don't," I snapped. "Don't say that. You... You died. I watched you. You can't... I've gone crazy."

I went to walk away, wanting nothing more than to just run home.

"(Y/n)," Jason stepped closer to me, grabbing my wrist before I could walk away.

I stared down at his hand. I didn't know if I should've pulled away or stayed or yelled or just... anything.

"I wanted to know you were okay," he admitted.

I pushed him back. "I... I have spent so long grieving you. So long. I... How are you... Why..."

Jason stepped forward again. I hit his chest.

"I tried so fucking hard to distract myself!" I shouted. "To forget you for just a little bit and then you just show up again. And you weren't even gonna talk to me? You were just going to watch me from the roof? Seriously?"

"I was scared of this exact reaction!" he yelled back. "You think it didn't kill me? I watched you do this shit every fucking night! It fucking hurt! Watching the person that you love kiss and touch and..."

He trailed off for a moment like the last word would hurt him. I couldn't blame him.

"I just wanted to forget," I mumbled. "Just for a minute."

I looked down for a moment.

"We...," I shook my head and looked back at him. "We need to go tell the others. Dick and Gar- God, Gar's gonna be so happy to see you-"

"I can't."

I felt my heart drop. "What?"

"You can't tell anyone about me."

"Jason..."

He leaned in and kissed me. I almost fell apart. Right in that moment. It had been so long... too long.

He leaned away again.

"Don't tell anyone you saw me," he repeated. "Please."

"Promise me that you're real first," I muttered. "I'll... I'll do anything, but please... just promise me."

"I'm real," he replied. "I promise."

I let the words sink in for a moment before I kissed him again. I cupped the sides of his face, like that would cause time around us to freeze.

Jason pulled away again. He grinned at me.

"Come back to me," I whispered. "Soon."

He nodded. "Sooner than you think, I promise."

I stepped away fully. I waved to him as I made it back to the fire escape.

When I made it home that night, Dick was waiting up for me.

"We need to talk," he said. Like he did every night.

"Okay," I replied. Instead of ignoring him.

He looked shocked at my response.

"I'm ready to talk."

No need to avoid... no need to forget.

an ego thing

Ooh-oh, I was trying to be honest If this is what I get, I won't be honest anymore Oh, if this is what I get I swear I won't be honest anymore

Jason was getting cabin fever.

There was no doubt about that.

After we had all spent so long in the Titan tower doing nothing but training, we all were getting to that point.

But Jason... Jason seemed to miss the violence more than he missed helping people. It was alarming. I knew that he missed being Robin. He missed working with Batman. He missed wearing a mask. But I didn't want him to jump back into that work if all he missed was the ability to do whatever he wanted with little consequence.

I just never wanted him to feel like I didn't support him. Or that I was attacking him.

We were on the couch. My head was resting on his leg. I was listening to him rant about the subject again. I was listening, trying to truly process every word. I just wanted to help him.

"Is it really that bad that I want to actually kick some ass after I've spent months stuck in here training?" he rambled. "I just want to get back to what I'm good at."

I took a deep breath. "Can I... Can I say something?"

He looked down at me and nodded.

"Do you think maybe just wanting to go kick ass is what's making Dick and Bruce hesitant to put you back out there," I asked.

"What?" his eyebrows scrunched up.

"I just... I wonder if they're hoping all the work will help you see your work as more about helping and saving people than you do getting to kick people's asses."

I pushed myself to sit up and turn to him.

He didn't speak up for a moment. I instantly felt like I had gone too far. I reached out and touched his arm, trying to get some response out of him.

"Jason," I said. "I... I just think that you got a little carried away in Gotham. Focused more on the violence than the protection. I want to see you focus on something productive. Surely, you've seen enough people use violence for fun to know that it's not healthy."

"You're really gonna compare me to those guys," he asked.

"No, no, not at all," I shook my head. "I'm saying that there getting caught in that mindset can be harmful."

"But you're saying I'm already there."

"I'm saying you can change it and be better," I explained. "A lot of the guys that you've faced are too far gone."

"How long I have then?" he stood up, raising his voice.

I was already confused about how we got to this point, but I felt like I was too far down this road to back down. I needed to make my point known.

Jason didn't wait for a response. "Go on, tell me."

"I didn't say that you were going to end up like that," I shook my head. I stood up, planning on comforting him. "I... I'm trying to help, Jason-"

"No, you just want to be able to say you tried," he snapped, stepping away from me. "You wanna be able to brag that you tried to save me before I was 'too far gone', right?"

He started walking away like I wasn't going to be able to respond to him.

"I don't fucking want any of that," I said. He kept walking. "Jason! You can't just storm away when you don't like my answer!"

He didn't even react. He just kept walking.

Once he was out of sight, I sighed and sat back down on the couch. I ran my hands over my face.

In my heart, I knew I was right. I knew that I had made a good point.

Maybe that's why I held my ground so firmly.

Why I didn't follow after him when I absolutely should have.

Pancakes for Dinner

I'll try to hide the way I feel But I'll just wanna shout What do I have to lose right now?

"Where's Jason," I asked as I stormed into the Batcave.

At first, I only saw two people. Two men just standing there. Bruce Wayne and some guy that I didn't recognize.

"Who the hell are you," Bruce asked, turning to face me.

I saw Jason sitting behind him. I ignored Bruce, walking forward to stand next to Jason. The other man seemed to be checking on something.

"(Y/n)," Jason grinned at me from behind his Robin mask. "How'd you find this place?"

"Followed you one night," I answered quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Who is this," Bruce asked again. I waved him off.

"I'm okay, just a rough night," Jason explained. "This is (Y/n)! We're old friends!"

Friends. Yeah. Just old friends.

That's why I snuck into the secret hideout of a billionaire that's secretly a vigilante.

Just friends.

"That's Bruce," Jason continued to me. "And this is Alfred."

"Hi," I awkwardly greeted.

I stood next to Jason silently as Alfred explained that Jason needed to take it easy for a little while. Alfred walked out after that. Bruce looked between the two of us. He almost seemed to glare at me before he turned around and walked out.

"He's a ray of sunshine," I mumbled, leaning against the desk.

"He's doing his job," Jason replied. "You did just break into his secret base."

"He should've thought about something like that happening before he took you in."

"How'd you know I got hurt," he asked, ignoring my comment.

"I keep up," I explained. "You're my best friend, Jason. I worry about you."

I saw some look cross his face for a moment. One that I imagine crossed my face when Jason called us old friends. Disappointment.

I paused.

I had to be imagining things.

Jason looked away from me, turning to look toward the door of the hideout more than anything.

"Jason," I said.

The impulsive part of my brain was beating the logical part. The logical part didn't even know it was in a fight.

He looked back at me. The disappointment was gone, but that didn't seem to stop me.

I stepped closer to him.

I took a deep breath before leaning down and pressing my lips to his. I was ready to run. Turn and run and probably vomit.

But then, he kissed me back. He sat up a bit, cupped the back of my head, and kissed me back. It was all so... soft. Like we were both nervous that the other would suddenly push the other away.

I pulled away first. "God, I love you."

Jason chuckled, his hand moving from the back of my head to the side of my face. "Took me getting hurt for you to admit that?"

"Didn't hear you rushing to say it," I muttered.

"Maybe I should make up for lost time then," he teased, brushing his lips against mine again.

"Maybe you should," I replied.

He pecked my lips before pulling away enough to mumble to me, "I love you."

He repeated that pattern a few more times as I happily tried to follow his lips in the hopes of getting a longer kiss.

I was ready to spend eternity just like that.

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