#my self esteem comes from a lot of love and it’s brilliant

[luciddownloading]

Pick A Card Reading: Who Do You Have In Their Feelings? 😭

Hello and welcome back for another Tarot reading! Or welcome if you've never visited my page before. Today, we're going to do more of a love reading; a pick-a-card to tell you who you have in their feelings.

This could be a friend, too, but this sense I have is that this will be primarily romantic for most of you. Something interesting is happening with this collective in which a lot of you have people missing you heavily. And why shouldn't they? You're awesome! This could be a situation that ended or you walked away from or it could be a separation deal. Just use your intuition to determine what resonates and how!

Also, I now have a Patreon and I will be doing an extended reading for each pile, telling you "what is their next move toward you?" So, if you are interested in joining me over there, the link will be provided at the end of each pile's reading.

This reading is timeless and, per usual, I am not taking reversals. (I actually think this may be the last time I do so but I'll see how I feel for the next one)

Choose the image or images you feel most drawn to and then go to your respective pile(s) to see who you have in their feelings over you! 💞

PILE 1

PILE 2

PILE 3

PILE 4

PILE 1

Queen of Cups

(clarified by: Ten of Wands)

Three of Pentacles

(clarified by: Queen of Pentacles)

Wheel of Fortune

(clarified by: The Hierophant)

The Sun (back of the deck)

Whew, Pile 1, this is a VERY spiritual connection, first of all. And you both can feel it. This is definitely romantic and this is some "divine counterpart" energy, for sure. If you don't feel that's true, this may not be your pile! I do feel like there is a lot about this situation that's unspoken, especially on your person's end. They may not have told you how they feel exactly but, trust and believe, it is WEIGHING on them. Like, it is taking everything within them to not come forward because they feel so connected to you all the time. You two might not be talking in the 3d but you're constantly communicating in the 5d.

So, there's definitely a situation going on here. It's very likely your person is with someone else. You probably know about this, too. It could be a committed relationship and maybe that's why you are in separation from them. But, it's nothing like what you two have (or could have). There's two options here as to why they are with this third party. It could be a feminine figure who is financially secure/comfortable and is using that to keep them around. It also could be someone that their mother figure really likes or set them up with. Something about "mom's approval" is coming through. What your person is realizing, though, is that they're a big boy/girl and don't need their mom's approval in terms of life partners. Some of you may know this person's mom, too, and they don't like you as much. If not, they have worried that their mom wouldn't support this connection.

What they are realizing is that they need to be the one in charge of their lives, not their mom or their current partner. They have been controlled a lot and it's easy for them to fall into that pattern. I feel like this is someone who is meant to be more masculine in their energy and they haven't been standing in that in the past. They haven't been brave or proactive and they have given their power away. They struggle with confidence and self-esteem but they know it and see it. I think they know they need to be truly confident to be with you because they see you that way. You might have Leo placements. You are like this brilliant, beautiful light in their life. You're the flame and they're the moth.

They get very scared of potentially being burned by you. Something about this current person they're with felt "safer". I feel like they settled for someone "in their league" because they see you as so, so beautiful and attractive! But, this third party has only made things hard for them. They're not happy with them and that's getting clearer and clearer, every day. It's like they were trying to duck into some shade to hide from the Sun but the shade kept disappearing and the Sun keeps hitting them. I just heard The Light Is Coming by Ariana. And honestly, that song is a mess. Lol so chaotic and disjointed and that's how this person feels right now.

But, they are SO serious about you. I kind of came into this reading with lighter energy but I got more serious because that's how they are feeling. And I know it's a big turn-off to see your person with someone else. And you can do whatever you want. However, a message from your Guides is to not let your ego run the show. If you're thinking "it's too late, screw them, I'm moving on", ask yourself if you really feel that way or if you're just saying that out of pride or hurt. I will never tell you to tolerate abusive behavior or anything like that. However, in very spiritual connections, certain things may seem like "deal breakers" to us when it's actually our ego talking and preventing us from having perspective. There's often a deeper reason why something unfavorable like that happens, in these kinds of connections.

Your person totally ran to this other person just as a poor substitute for you. Not saying it's a good thing. But, they were operating out of fear: fear of vulnerability, of losing you, of not being good enough. I think you both needed this to unfold this way to heal. You may have wounds surrounding not being "chosen" or loved that this was meant to trigger for healing. I think, all in all, your person is moving toward a good place. They are in their feelings for you but because they love you so much. They're not in agony or heartbroken. I think they were before. But, now, they are just getting themselves together to be their best self for you. And I do think that will involve leaving this third party and coming forward. But, I don't see direct communication from them happening right now.

My advice is to keep focusing on you. If you still want this person, you just need to focus on the love you have for them, not a particular result. Because that love is really powerful! I also have to say that they think you are so sweet and empathetic and intuitive. They might negatively compare the third party to you in that sense, as you may have so much of what they lack. You always know how to make them feel better. You're a soothing presence and I think, if you're not in contact, they miss that now more than ever. Also, your person may have placements in the Fixed signs - Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius - especially Leo and Taurus.

In the extended reading, linked below, we will look at your person's next move toward you as well as more advice from your Guides/Spirit on this situation

Extended Reading for Pile 1

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PILE 2

Ten of Wands

(clarified by: Five of Cups)

Queen of Wands

(clarified by: Ten of Pentacles)

Ace of Swords

(clarified by: The Moon)

The Star (back of the deck)

Pile 2, the major thing I am getting from your person is that they want you REALLY bad. I don't know if you've ever been with them sexually. If so, they are constantly thinking about those times and wanting it to happen again. If not, they just think about you a lot in a sexual way. Like, their sacral chakra is going crazy! Idk why but I started hearing Hot In Herre by Nelly. Lol this person may be quite a joker, too, because that felt pretty unserious. They may also be a Millennial. I say that because I am and that song came out when I was going through puberty and it's as if your person is a teenager again, with exploding hormones.

Even though they find you super-hot and all, that's not all they're interested in. In fact, they want to have it all with you. They can see themselves settling down with you. But, something went wrong here. This could be a no-contact situation. This person either did something major to hurt you or they sabotaged this connection in some way. Guilt. That's what I am getting here. And not just regular guilt but GUILT. It's just eating them alive and I do not think they are handling this ending well. The fact that they were largely at fault for it is what's making it worse.

Well, what's making it worse on top of worse is that they won't be honest about it. They are trying to act all easy, breezy. This is such a stark contrast from Pile 1, where the person felt like they were taking the situation seriously and facing their issues. This person is in denial mode and it's a big defense mechanism. In fact, I think it's that element of denial and delusion in their personality that could have significantly contributed to this rift between you. And you'll know what I mean by that. They could have personal placements in Pisces.

I also feel like they are hoping for the best in this situation but even that's delusional. Honey baby, you can't hope for the best when you're not doing what's best! (Talking to them, not you lol) They still have a lot to learn. I mean, we all do. But, you definitely have much more spiritual substance, shall we say, than they do. I think they know about your spiritual beliefs and could be opening up to spirituality themselves. Maybe you're an inspiration in that way. But, they know that you know more than they do, in this regard, and that might also aggravate them. They love to be right but have had to admit that you were right in this case (and again, you know what that means). You may have your Sun, Moon or Rising in Aquarius.

I also think it is tormenting them that they don't know what's going on with you. They may be blocked on social media or your cell or maybe you deleted your socials. Regardless, they can't really access you or talk to you. I'll be honest. I feel like they would rather stalk you, at this point, than actually talk. And I mean stalk in the metaphorical sense of looking you up online. They really fear that you have moved on, that you're with someone else. I also feel like they want to know that so they can act like they've moved on and like they're just fine. It's giving "I am so bothered but I want to seem unbothered" and I think that would be so transparent if you saw them in action. You see through them in a way few people can.

Just the thought of you being with someone else is very triggering. And they know you're a baddie (whether you're male or female) who could get with anyone. They know they messed things up and definitely see you as "the one that got away". The actual song The One That Got Away by Katy Perry is coming through. As well as Again by Lenny Kravitz. Yeah, they are going through it lol. And I think they are feeling more sentimental or emotional or romantic toward you than they usually are. You are awakening this person's heart. At the same time, they are trying to hide all of this, even from themselves occasionally. I think they are going to have to reach a major breaking point where they force themselves to get real and truly deal with their feelings. They are swinging back and forth from "huge pity party" to "self-delusion" and neither one will work.

To their credit, though, I think they know this. The mileage will vary here because, for some of you, they know how problematic or destructive their behavior is, even though they are slipping into it still. They know they need to change and are on the precipice of it but still aren't fully ready for it yet.

In the extended reading, linked below, we will look at your person's next move toward you as well as more advice from your Guides/Spirit on this situation

Extended Reading for Pile 2

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PILE 3

Four of Wands

(clarified by: Strength)

Five of Wands

(clarified by: Nine of Swords)

King of Wands

(clarified by: Wheel of Fortune)

King of Cups (back of the deck)

Pile 3, this is a very interesting energy. I feel like there are multiple people coming through for many of you. Apparently, you've just got it like that and good for you! You have strongly affected so many people that you have come across. This could be exes or former love interests or even secret admirers. I want to say there's at least three of them. These are also people that you're not engaging with right now. It may be a separation or maybe you just drifted apart. But, they want you back in their life, whatever the case may be.

I am getting a lot of different signs: the Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius), especially Leo, the Fire element (Aries, Sagittarius and yes Leo again; call me crazy but one of these people might be a Leo lol), and the Water element (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces). That could be because I am sensing multiple people. So, take whatever energies resonate. Okay, so the person with Leo energy is really standing out. I think they are head over heels for you and see you as "the one". But, there's some sort of interference or competition going on that is standing in the way. Clearly, a lot of people are into you, whether you realize it or not or reciprocate or not. But, this person's typical confidence is feeling shaky because of that.

I don't know why I am getting this but, for some of you, this could be people in a friend group. Maybe a few of your friends (or former friends) are down bad over you. And one of them may actually talk like that because I don't ever say that phrase. Or maybe you have an ex and their friend is into you. Or you have feelings for someone but their friend is into you. Something like that! In any case, it's kind of messy and someone is bound to get hurt and they know that. I would not be surprised if you chose Pile 2 or felt drawn to it because this feels like one or more people who are close to that pile's person and, therefore, conflicted about their feelings for you.

I also get a sensitivity from this pile that I didn't quite receive from the previous one. It could be that case where someone sees you not being treated the way you deserve by someone romantically. And they're like, "I could treat you better." Now, I am hearing the Shawn Mendes song, Treat You Better. And Shawn Mendes is a Leo! Lol, listen, if a Leo isn't coming to mind, this probably isn't your pile. The thing, though, is that this doesn't feel especially deep. I mean, their feelings for you are real and all. But, I don't feel like this is some super-complicated situation with all these hurt feelings or resentments. That's why I said this feels like a friend of someone you are/were close to or seeing. Or the friend in the group that you're not that close with. Generally, this is someone with a huge crush on you that just doesn't know how to deal with it.

Maybe they feel like now is their special chance to be your person or that everything has aligned to give them this opportunity. But, it also scares the shit out of them. I am honing in on this one person - an individual with Leo energy and a Water sign influence - but if this is multiple people, it applies to all of them to some degree. I also feel like they are in the midst of a huge life crisis and that's not helping their confidence here OR they fear that pursuing you would cause a huge crisis. Possibly pissing off that person you were involved with or fracturing the group. The tea is piping hot, I'm not gonna lie! I feel like this person or people feel like, for now, it would be best to keep their feelings for you to themselves, in spite of how strong they are. I am also being told that either you know exactly who this is or you have no idea and will be absolutely shocked.

In the extended reading, linked below, we will look at your person's next move toward you as well as more advice from your Guides/Spirit on this situation

Extended Reading for Pile 3

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PILE 4

Five of Swords

(clarified by: Three of Wands)

Five of Cups

(clarified by: Nine of Cups)

Four of Wands

(clarified by: Ace of Pentacles)

The Emperor (back of the deck)

Pile 4, this feels more platonic for a lot of you. It could be romantic but if it is, I think you're the minority in this pile. For most of you, this is a former friend. It might also be a family member who you had some sort of friendship with. Things did not end well in this situation and now you're not in each other's lives. The song I am getting is Somebody I Used To Know by Gotye. Remember how that song was everywhere the summer of 2012 and then we never heard from that singer again (to the point where people now joke about the song describing him)? That's how this person feels about you. At some point, in the recent past, you were a HUGE part of their life. You talked to and saw each other all the time, possibly every day. Definitely "best friend" vibes; at least back then. You may have even been roommates. And now you're just totally gone. It's hard for this person to stomach it.

They are definitely mourning the loss of this connection and have been for a long time. I just think their pride, their need for control, got in the way. Truth be told, they are still trying very hard to stay in control. It's just a deeply embedded part of their nature. They could have their Sun, Moon or Rising in Aries. They HATE to "lose face" and that makes it hard for them to deal with their emotions honestly at times. I also think they were convinced that they were going to emerge from this situation as "the winner". It's a bit of a low-vibrational energy because they kind of wanted you to not thrive without them. So, they put a lot of effort into trying to one-up you in that way. I initially felt like that's what they were still trying to do. Maybe very superficially. They're still vaguely trying to keep up appearances because that's just what they do. But, they can no longer kid themselves. As it turns out, they're the ones who aren't thriving.

They're actually quite shocked that you just moved forward without them and never looked back. It really bruises their ego! A lot of you have even literally moved, to another city or state/province. Maybe another country! But, you're not there physically anymore. They can't even run into you at your old haunts or ask about you to mutual friends. The part of your life that had them in it is very much behind you. And while you're growing and evolving, they feel very stuck. Also, they either are currently watch you "glow up" or gain some impressive success or they will in the near future. Maybe you've always had big plans for yourself and they suspect you're going to really "make it". It's like they see you as this rising celebrity and they're going to have to be the little peon from their old stomping grounds who once knew them (their words, not mine).

You actually could end up becoming famous (even just on an Internet/social media way) or in the public eye soon. I am actually getting a message from some of your Guides. Being in a high profile position like that has been a long-time dream for some of you and, rest assured, it will happen. And I actually think a reason this person was removed from your life was because they would've stood in your way, either out of secret jealousy or because they wanted to keep you small and hold you back. Honestly, I do get some "fake friend" energy from them. It's like "with friends like that, who needs enemies?" I think you fully peeped this at some point, possibly in how they dealt with the connection ending or acted in the aftermath, and you've done what's best for you and congratulations on that. Seriously!

As for this person, they are coming to terms with why their behavior pushed you away or how it contributed to the end of the relationship, which is an epiphany I think was a long time coming. I do think they feel badly about it and are really missing your presence in their life. But, I feel like they are wanting to draw you back into their sphere in some way. It's like they are sorry but not ready to actually change their outlook or behavior. They did something straight-up SHADY to you is what I am getting. But, I don't feel like they would apologize effectively for it. They just want to gloss over it and make up. I just heard "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes". Bad Blood by Taylor Swift. They may really like her music or maybe you're the Swiftie lol. Either way, those are your thoughts about them. You feel like it can't just go back to the way it was, especially if they don't properly own their shit or take real accountability.

Also, it's funny because, like the inspiration behind the aforementioned song, they may feel like this is some huge feud. Are you Taylor or are you Katy Perry? Lol the thing is that I think they are feuding with themselves. You have moved on and have a "bigger person" mentality while this person is seeing it in a rather melodramatic way. They are also totally convinced that you two can eventually make up. They may even be trying to manifest contact from you again as I think you really cut them off. But, while you may wish them well, I can see you not wanting to engage much with them ever again, besides some final conversation about this that you probably know is inevitable at some point. Overall, I think you see that many of this person's efforts toward you are about control and always have been and you're intent on being in your new chapter, living your own life.

In the extended reading, linked below, we will look at your person's next move toward you as well as more advice from your Guides/Spirit on this situation

Extended Reading for Pile 4

#tarot #tarot reading #channeled reading #channeled message #channeled song #extended reading #pick a pile reading #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a picture

[asimplearchivist]

(This has been sitting in my drafts long enough…my fear of mischaracterizing Astarion is lesser than the agitation of seeing this beast among my WIPs. @fangswbenefits I’m affectionately blaming you for giving me pale elf brain rot🫣)

Okay guys this may be a very niche concept that will appeal to maybe like two people total but it hasn’t left my mind since I mentioned the idea to a buddy of mine who convinced me to play bg3…(Cullen and Astarion have a lot of similarities, which I would love to elaborate on later, but…) hear me out—it could be a very interesting dynamic to play with in a crossover.

Headcanons under the cut:

I’m not usually one for crossovers unless they’re in self-contained within a fandom (like Pokémon or Dragon Age, for example—there’s a phenomenal fic called The Half-Life of Element Zero by @unhealthynpcobsession which is a DAI/MEA crossover and safely one of the only “cross-fandom” crossovers I genuinely enjoy and adore bc the story and concepts are contextually sound and professionally orchestrated), but I feel like the sheer numbers of DAI fanfiction that explore the concept of the Breach opening up portals into other worlds (namely our modern Earth, thus the Modern Girl in Thedas trope, my beloved) could include adjacent worlds. I believe I have seen Skyrim before, so why not Baldur’s Gate 3? (Now keep in mind I know next to nothing about BG3 bc I am newly introduced to its lore and everything but) I think one could easily get away with having Astarion somehow slip through the Breach, along with the Sole Survivor at the Conclave.

(Holy shit why did this turn out so fucking long?)

The Survivor wakes—chained, cold, and aching—in the cells beneath the chantry, interrogated by Cassandra and Leliana, and denies her involvement with the Temple’s destruction. Forced to cooperate with the Survivor due to their dire need for the Mark and its potential use related to the Rifts, Cassandra casts a scowl at Leliana. “I will escort the prisoner if you will deal with the pale elf.”

Leliana only responds mildly, “I will continue to deal with him as I have been for the last three days—as well as nurse the migraine that he has caused.”

The Survivor doesn’t meet this esteemed “pale elf” until the battle at the Temple, and she only sees him from afar—he accompanied Leliana’s men to deal with the array of Shades and Wraiths that speckled the cratered grounds while the rest picked away at gargantuan Pride. She notices he is masterfully skilled with his weapons, perhaps even peculiarly so—she also notices that he has far greater strength, agility, and stamina than the average elf, easily surpassing the abilities of his peers.

She doesn’t see him again until well after the dust has settled—the Breach has been patched, Haven is able to reassess themselves, and the new Inquisition begins to construct their foundation. The newly named Herald of Andraste attempts to escape it all, fleeing into the grounds beyond Haven’s gates under the guise of fulfilling favors and errands for the various supervisors in the village, and stumbles across an abandoned cabin in the forest—at least she thought it was abandoned, at first.

She’s rummaging through the things there, finds the passed healer’s notes, but the lightest creak of displaced wood behind her tips her off to the presence of another. She whirls, hand already flying to her weapon, and backs up against the table, sending things clattering to the floor. The pale elf stands there, smirking at her startle.

“Act all the victim when you intrude on my space,” he croons, tilting his head and tutting at her, “my, how manners seem hard to come by around here.”

“You’re that—” She stops, hesitates, starts again. “Sister Leliana mentioned you. You’re the only other one who survived the blast.”

“That is comparatively the least of my problems and only the beginning of my present predicament, yes.” His eyes—as brilliant a crimson as the blood that still crusts the wounds that litter her bruised, battered, borderline broken body—scan her form from top to bottom, pause on her bandaged hand, and return to meet her uneasy gaze with a considerate one of his own. “Although I’m afraid I can confidently say that I ended up with the better of the lots drawn between the two of us.” His expression relaxes, just a little, a thready furrow forming between his silverite brows. “Does that hurt?”

She clenches her fist and clenches her teeth. “It’s dismissible.”

“Considering I heard tell that it is in the process of consuming you, I would disagree—but, I digress!” He flashes her a toothy smirk. “I am just grateful that there are no longer demons spewing out of that torn arsehole in the sky.”

She stares at him for a long moment, uncertain what to say in response. She’s exhausted, sore, and reeling from the last week of utter unfortunate bullshit that had befallen her.

“You’re…rather tall, for an elf,” she finally says lamely.

His brows arch into his forehead in clear surprise before he tips his head back and laughs. It exposes his teeth, and…no, those were not fangs. It must have been a trick of the firelight.

“It does seem that my kindred, however distantly related they are, do not possess as generous of traits as I,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “All so thin and lithe and…well, diminutive…it’s truly a marvel how they’re able to get anything done without breaking their hollow little bones. It’s little wonder that they seem so afraid of everyone else around here.”

She frowns, echoing, “‘Distantly related’?” with some dubiousness.

“Oh, your lovely spymaster didn’t tell you? I’m shocked.” The stranger gestures to himself with his arms extended to either side. “You have my sincerest apologies, my dear, I haven’t even introduced myself—I complain of lack of manners, yet fail to offer them in due turn.” He dips at the waist briefly, eyes glittering through his frosty lashes. “My name is Astarion, and…to put it simply, I am not supposed to be here.”

“I imagine anyone is fortunate to have walked away from all that destruction unscathed,” she responds mildly, narrowing her eyes.

“How cute,” he simpers, straightening and bracing his hands on his hips. “I fail to possess sufficient enough knowledge of magic in order to explain how in the hells this happened, exactly, but I originate from a place called Faerûn—not your delightfully archaic ‘Thedas’.”

He goes on to ramble about his companions, at least two of whom would have been far better suited to hypothesize how to rectify this particular ‘magical’ predicament. He tells her about their unusual circumstances of being thrust together, forced to cooperate and work towards fixing their looming health issues and the threat that faces their world.

She studies him for a long moment after he finishes. “…It sounds as if you and I are trapped in similar problems,” she sighs, rubbing her face. “As incredible as this all sounds, I sincerely doubt such a story could be easily invented on the spot…so you have my sympathies. Do you think that you’ll be able to return home?”

“Sister Leliana introduced me to that lovely gentleman who dresses like a vagrant. Supposedly, he’s the resident authority on this…‘Fade magic’, as it were?” he surmises.

“So I’ve heard,” she responds.

“Yes, well, our conversation was cut rather short at the time due to him being rather persistent in keeping his eye on that little souvenir.”

She flexes her hand and glances away. She’s been doing her damnedest not to dwell on the burning in her palm, thank you very much, and she didn’t particularly want to discuss it, either.

“Nevertheless,” he continues lightly, although his tone tempers into something more neutral, “he promised that he would look into the issue.”

“That’s…that’s good,” she replies quietly. “I hope he finds a way to send you back.”

The pale elf tilts his head at her then, eyes contemplative when she looks back up. He offers her a thin-lipped smile—this one actually reaches his eyes, softening his angular features. “As much as I am grateful not to be in your position, I do apologize. It would seem that the weight of your new moniker is not one to be taken lightly.”

“It is what it is,” she grits out. “They will believe what they wish regardless of my input.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier.” He leans in, holding her stare. “…I think it best to remain nearby, for the time being. Sole survivors of a devastating explosion still under scrutiny by those newly in power ought to stick together, yes?”

She relaxes, just slightly. “As long as you’re not the one who caused all of this.”

His expression sobers enough that it jars her. “I am the least inclined to cause spontaneous combustion among my compatriots,” he tells her, attempting humor, but there’s something in his eyes that contrasts his words entirely—a lingering fear, apprehension, borderline horror, if she has to place a name on it. “But no. I did not. And I think I have a few choice words—and daggers—on reserve for whoever did cause all of this devastation. I never asked to be thrown into the middle of this refuse burn.”

“Neither did I.” She offers him a bow in return and gives him her name. “I would say it’s been pleasant to make your acquaintance, but…I think we both are allowed to say that we would rather not have met at all.”

“Agreed.” He stoops to pick up the papers Adan had sent her to find and hands them to her. “I trust I will see you again soon?”

“You do intend to stay?” she asks, brow furrowing as she tucks them into her pocket.

“I’ve nowhere else to go,” he begins, “and fleeing from an investigation would provide rather damning evidence for the prosecution, even if misused. For now I’ll lend my particular set of skills and…services to this delightful little collection of vagabonds. I think you need all the help you can get, given that poor, overworked general of yours is relying on farmers and pilgrims to become your armed force.”

“I don’t speak on behalf of the others,” she says, “but I thank you. You’re greatly appreciated.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he purrs. “Now…do go get some rest, my dear. You look positively horrible for someone who has slept for nearly six days.”

His nonchalant sincerity startles a laugh out of her—the first in what felt like an age. He seems pleased to have done so. She departs the cabin feeling slightly less isolated than before.

#astarion ancunin #astarion #dragon age #dai #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #headcanons #mine #reader insert #astarion/reader #astarion ancunin/reader #astarion x reader #astarion ancunin x reader #dragon age inquisition #fisara’s scrawlings #fisara’s codices

[piers-official]

[Pelipper Mail! This package comes neatly wrapped in a square box with a letter included. The box contains several goodies! Some jars of pressed honey from the Sinnoh region: rose, lavender, and peach; along with some Alolan treats.] [The letter reads the following message.] Dear Piers, I hope you don't mind this letter. I'm one of your fans from the Sinnoh region (though I'm now located in Alola for work reasons.) In this box, you'll find Alolan snacks and Sinnoh pressed jars of honey. Please note the ingredients on the back of the Alolan snacks to avoid any allergic reaction. I wasn't really sure what you might like so I sent you a little bit of everything I could find that wouldn't be available in Galarian markets.

I'm one of your older fans. I'm a little shy but I've always adored your music.

Before I was released, I used to live in a sort of mental hospital. I wasn't exactly a dangerous individual but my Pokemon partner was. Not gonna lie, we went to jail and then I had to live in the hospital for a few years so we could go through therapy together.

While we were living there, your phone would be taken away. Something about social media hurting your self esteem and such, you know? Practically living off the grid.

But I had one of your old cd's that I kept through the years and I would always hang on to it. Your music helped me. I always kept thinking that at some point, I was going to get out, me and my partner. We're going to go see one of your concerts one day.

It's a silly thought but it really motivated us to do better. One of the nurses even went out of her way to get your last album cd for me too, before i left.

I'm not sure if I would be able to see you in a concert one day unless for some reason you traveled to Alola but I wanted to give you something, as a thank you for helping us.

I hope you like everything! Take care.

From, Your fans from The Whistling Kettle, Honey and Grim

Honey, Grim- I dunno if you're readin' this but, thank ya so much for the lovely gifts and the heartfelt letter, truly- it means a lot.

I... always get a bit emotional, knowin' my music possibly helped or even saved someone out there, but ta hear 'bout it? It's a whole 'nother experience.

M'glad yer still here with us an' yer doin' better. Yer a strong bloke- both of ya! Thank ya for sharin' yer story with me.

If ya wanna shoot me an email please do. If m'ever goin' to Alola (It's a high possibility), I wanna make sure the both of ya are there- M'treat, aye? (Contact info: Should be on my official website)

Have a brilliant day you two. Cheers.

#answered asks #pkmn irl #pkmn rp #//sorry this took a bit to reply #//this was such a cute ask and I wanted a proper answer for it #hospital tw #hospital mention #//ask to tag #piers rp

[theyellowroseofsodor]

🎁 I come bearing gift ideas 🎁

- Thomas strikes me as one of those people who has a wishlist of games he’s been meaning to play but hasn’t gotten around to actually buying for himself, and he just keeps adding to it so some of those games have been on that list for years and he’s pretty much forgotten about them being on it at all. So somebody giving him anything on that list would be a pleasant surprise (source: I am one of those people, my friends have done this multiple times)

- Edward seems like the type who’d appreciate something homemade or handcrafted, no matter what it is or how it looks. He’d treasure it because it was made with love and it’s from someone he cares about.

- Henry might appreciate some new gardening tools, like a new trowel or a set of good gardening gloves. Another idea for him is a bulb for an amaryllis, a large lily-like flower that grows well indoors during winter. They’re gorgeous when they bloom, and I’m sure he’d love to help it grow!

- Gordon… is tricky. He seems like the sort to say he doesn’t want/need anything, but you know he’d feel hurt if he didn’t get something meaningful. Personally, I have a headcanon that he really likes butterscotch candy, but that’s not something he goes around telling people. After all, he’s an engine, engines don’t need food, it isn’t proper… but he can’t help popping one in his mouth when he needs a pick-me-up and thinks no one he knows is around to notice. And if a certain someone did notice, well…

- James would probably like things he can use to spoil himself. A specific shade of nail polish from his favorite brand, a warm blanket he can wrap himself in, a pair of nice slippers to wear around the house, things like that.

- Percy is someone I headcanon as being really into Lego. Like, he’s got completed builds set up all over his room and is always on the lookout for a new challenging set to build in his spare time. Can’t go wrong with a cool Lego set for Percy.

- Emily is another tricky one, because she seems like the kind of person who just goes out and gets most of the things she wants herself, just in general. So a good gift for her might be an experience rather than an object; a gift certificate to a new local restaurant, tickets to a concert, vouchers for a spa day, something like that. She’d probably love it even more if it were something she could do with the person who gave her the gift in the first place.

🎁 I put way too much thought into this okay bye 🎁

Oh my gosh, I LOVE these! I don’t know, anon, if you’ve read my fic but I totally made Thomas a video game nerd (also like me) and the idea of getting him a game off his wishlist is BRILLIANT! Like he has a Switch and I’m sure his wishlist is humongous!

Edward is definitely a homemade gift guy, I’m taking that and running with it.

I know nothing about flowers, I could kill a cactus I’m such a bad green thumb. The bulb sounds like something his special someone would know.

OK OK you totally read my mind about Gordon and sweets so I’m gonna run with that one too 😂 but I also think he’d totally tear up with a homemade gift right? Cause he’s all prideful and a bit vain but like actual affection crumbles all the walls. Like he has a lot of good self-esteem but when others genuinely compliment him or make something for him he gets super emotional, but tries to hide it. Oh my gosh, thank you for this brain storming session!

James with like a Minky Couture blanket is now engraved in my mind. That luxury blanket in like a moulin rouge red, oh my Lady I’m living for it.

Percy is totally a LEGO guy! How have I not seen it?? Now I have to find a series to go with it. Like he has to have an entire collection whether it’s Lego City, Star Wars, Harry Potter, LotR, YES!!

Emily having a gift card and a ticket to experience something is also an amazing idea anon, I may need you for future advice because you are brilliant! It is my personal headcanon that Emily loves books. She’s basically Belle from Beauty and the Beast. So, maybe tickets to the theatre? I feel like that would like brighten her world.

Thanks for brainstorming with me anon, this has been amazing! I’m going to start working on it right away but I always welcome more! ♥️💙💜💛💚

#ttte #ttte fanfic #ttte gordon #ttte edward #ttte james #ttte henry #ttte humanized #ttte emily #ttte thomas #ttte percy

[glittertrail]

a lot of people keep mentioning how thoughtful the glitterasks are and i think i'm getting too much credit for them bc it's been since january and sometimes my brain just goes 'no'; here's a shout-out to people that have helped me with them so far 😊 (edit: i say helped lol it comes quite close to downright stealing from them in some cases)

@supremmedeluxe i think we have something close to twin telepathy but only for evil lol she's got a sixth sense that suggests stuff I've thought about asking but not far enough on how to ask them and she's always wonderful help when that happens, sometimes i think only i would care to know some of the things i ask so knowing someone else thinks maybe other people would have fun with them is a great self esteem booster lmao she's suggested several of the asks.

@junosjukebox who has got the fastest brain on planet earth (maybe the entire galaxy) how fast their brain is going rn is a little wasted on me lately bc i've been constantly tired for the last two weeks but they always got lovely ideas and any time my brain has felt like mush they've had amazing ideas (about 3/4ths of the autumn sunday asks were their idea)

@petitmonde who suggested the ask about holidays and who i just think is a delight

@veronicasanders frightfully brilliant and funny and she's got all of the most entertaining stories you could ever think of, talking with her has been great when I'm stuck in sentence formulation stages (talking with her is great period tbh but specifically when i've been thinking about asks and am not sure on wording bc i am particular about how i write stuff after one person too many used the asks as therapy), my favorite ask on this madness was her idea (the one about the best qualities from human beings)

@myhusbandharryhamilton bc the way i vent to them should be a little frightening to anyone else lmao i do a little of that w everyone but w Jiji specially

@inthehytes i am not exactly sure i remember when did i adopt Wren or she adopted me but I'm quite happy about it 💖 i am very realistic and not all that sparkling for someone whose entire online brand is pink and glitter, while wren is like legit sunshine in human form

#glittercore #i'll add which asks are from who later #theres yet more all nighters and deadlines to meet but i wanted to do a quick 'hey ty' post for you guys #i get far too much credit for glitterasks bc it legit takes a village #personal

[stefankarlfanblog]

Interview with Stefán Karl written for Ský magazine, on the 1st of April 1999: https://timarit.is/page/7847092

Weak for money and women's issues

First of all, Stefán Karl: What is so remarkable about being an actor?Being an actor may not be so remarkable, but if you look at acting as a phenomenon, it is remarkable.

Doctors help the sick, politicians help their friends, carpenters build houses, but what is an actor's role in society? The actor's role may not be so tangible. But as soon as one spectator is affected in a play, doesn't the actor have a role and a purpose?

Do you follow English football? Yes, but not regularly.

Which team are you with? I'm with Arsenal who, as everyone knows, is the best team apart from Hauka!.

How do you see yourself in old age? Young and lively as a lamb in the pasture. I'm going to spend my old age with friends and colleagues in a retirement home where we will have so much fun that the nurses have to change shifts five times a day.

What are you good at, besides acting? That is: do you have talents in other areas? I choose now to keep my self-esteem to myself but I can proudly say that I play the piano and the accordion, and I can also play the drums and sing. Yes, then I was a salesman at Húsasmiðinn and I think I was just pretty good.

What are you weak for? Money and women's issues. One of the weakest. There you have it girls: You must make the first step!

If you met the Pope, what would you say to him? Get off your back!

Are you religious? Yes, I can't deny it. It is always good to have faith, especially when something goes wrong. I don't attend church regularly, but I certainly wouldn't be a worse person if I did.

How would you describe the country and nation to someone who had never heard of us? I think I'd tell him a good Hafnarfjörður townie joke so he couldn't resist coming and seeing one for himself.

Do you sing in the shower? No, but I did. Then I stopped because I don't live alone.

Which country do you most want to go to? Why? To Italy. I have been to Italy once and traveled there and it is a wonderful country. I have decided that when I get married one day - whenever that will be - I will invite my wife to Venice. I decided this when I was 12 years old in Venice. So it would be nice to come to the USA and see the sights with your own eyes.

Has acting brought you the favor of women? No, you doesn't feel it now, in fact, I've come out after a show of Waiter in the soup and found a red rose on my car. But at the time, I would have rather thought that the Social Democratic Party was spreading propaganda rather than that a woman was trying to get with me. (Translator's note: the logo of the Social Democratic Party in Iceland is a red rose.)

Are you on a fast? No. But I believe in love at first sight, it also saves a lot of time!

Favorite line from a movie? "Stooooop thaaaaaat traaaaain" from the movie The Dresser starring Albert Finney. This was when the train was going ahead of him and he called the train to stop which it did. Then he got on board.

Do you get stage fright? It's unavoidable. Stage fright is part of the show and just the actor's job in general. Not getting stage fright before a show is like forgetting to put on a costume. As someone said: safety is the actor's worst enemy!

What is an actor's occupational disease? The work!

Photograph taken by Páll Stefánsson

Stefan Karl Stefansson. an aspiring actor will graduate from Iceland's Drama Academy on the upcoming 22nd of May. Many people already know him from the fun show Waiter in the soup, which was shown in Iðnó this winter, but this summer he brings out his brilliant talent with the leather jacket and chewing gum and follows in Laddi's footsteps as the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors, which will be shown in Borgarleikhúsið's. Stefán is taking off.

#stefan karl #stefán karl #stefan karl stefansson #stefán karl stefánsson #robbie rotten #1999 #personal life #little shop of horrors (1999) #waiter in the soup (1998)

[namboobieslover]

Kintsugi: the beauty of broken things || MYG

Chapter 4

Summary: Yoongi and Minnie have been friends for quite some time now, almost... 15 years? 15 years since they ran into each other in that music classroom by an unlucky (or not) mistake. They've grown close, but both of them have strong characters and insecurities that will have to be put aside when Minnie falls into her own lie, risking her job in the process. They have 3 days to feel comfortable and make everyone believe their role as the young engaged couple or she is fucked :[

Pairing: musical producer! Yoongi x lab tech/science nerdy! f reader au; non-idol! BTS members make a brief appearance

Genre: fluff, angst, kinda slow burn (?), best friends to fake couple au, constant unresolved sexual tension, two idiots too proud to openly speak but pinning each other

Warnings: use of bad language, mentions of insecurities/low self-esteem, anxiety, trauma; light use of weed, little smut if you scrutinize, SFW

Masterlist: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 4: Don't worry, honey.

Word count: 1867

Does she want to play? Let’s play then. I prepare her usual rum with cola; she drinks that like water. For me, I’ll go on with more whiskey.

-There you go -I offer her the glass as I speak- Your favourite.

She tries it and it must be strong because the reaction is her nose scrunching, elevating her glasses with that action.

It’s not my fault since she intently tries to avoid wearing them in public, but I’m still a little surprised. She has this nerdy look that fits her really well, kinda… cute.

I love it when she goes totally science mode, telling me about these things I don't fully understand but makes her fascinated. I get fascinated with her. Most of the time I can't even follow her rhythm or I just stare at her with a blank face, the passion she shows being the only thing I can focus on. Me and my ADHD brain.

-Tell me if I'm wrong but the "love story" -she remarks with her hands- is then resolved.

-I guess. Or maybe… should we talk a little more about details?

-Yeah, lots of coworkers will have insatiable questions about this. Usually, when they ask about it, I just say "Uh, long story. I'll tell you about it when time accompanies". I didn’t want to be detailed about it because I'm not good at lying, nor at remembering things; especially lies.

-You made the right decision. What do you prefer: making up the whole story from scratch or should we add things we would like in those situations? To feel more natural.

-Maybe half and half. We can invent the story and progressively incorporate things we imagine in that type of situation; better if we coincide.

-Works for me -I agree- As we said the first meeting can remain as it was.

-Yeah

-Then, the fictional part should start in university and the whole living together thing.

-About the place… it's safer to say that we live in mine; my coworkers may have access to some of my personal information.

-That's true, but just in case, to justify you going in the opposite direction to eat in Mrs Lin's place… what about saying that we lived first here and then moved to yours?

-That's brilliant… babe.

Even though she struggles with the nickname, the more we say it, the less weird it feels (even if it's just a little little little amount). I should start to practise too, so… little devil on my shoulder comes with a plan.

-Minnie, I have an idea.

-Tell me.

-It's normal because we are not used to it, but we are struggling more than we should with the nickname thing. What do you think about playing a game?

She fights a smile and the competitiveness fills her eyes.

-I'm all ears.

Sure you are.

-We must say one of the agreed names at every natural chance we have. If we forget and the other notices it, the one that failed must drink a shot. It finishes when this night does. Starting from…now.

-Are you ready to lose?

-uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be ready to WIN once you take your first shot, honey.

She doesn't even deny it once she realises it.

-Let's keep on, babe -she quickly says after drinking it- now that we have stabilised where we lived and live now, how we discovered that we were in love?

-Well, you were the first one to take the first step. What kind of things make you act that way? As I said I know about your lack of patience, but being more specific…?

She seems deeper in thought while trying to figure it out.

-Well… the first thing that comes to mind is the other person avoiding the subject. I don't like receiving mixed signals and then acting like nothing happened; it confuses me and my anxiety gets bad. I need to sort out the situation because if not… I start to doubt myself and my criteria, like wondering if I'm seeing things where I'm not supposed to. Time and health consuming.

-That implies that I'm the one that gave you those mixed signals? -I assume.

-Yeah. It's realistic how hard it would be to change the kind of relationship from besties to partners. As reserved as you are, the absence of answers in that field fits you well. Being honest… you look like the type that doesn't care about this stuff.

I drink from my cup. Even if I try, I can't find a reason to feel hurt by her words. Yes, kinda reflects this image everyone has of me or what I guess I project.

What she says is true and hasn't the intention to hurt me, but it still stings something deep inside me.

-What's wrong? -she cautiously asks.

-What? - I feel lost.

-I can tell something is bothering you.

Should I say it?

-It's just… I -I do care about those things. Do I really give this cold impression that no one can imagine I have feelings too?

I have never felt so exposed, but her face changing from a disoriented expression to a warm one calms me.

-Of course not - she says softly reaching my arm with her hand- I mean… maybe if a stranger meets you for the first time you give disinterested vibes, but once someone has the chance to meet you they can see that you are just an observer.

-Really?

-Yes, Yoongs. I think your character is one of the things I like the most about you.

-Why?

She finishes her drink before answering, trying to get all her thoughts together.

-Sorry if you have felt this way and I didn't notice; what a bad friend I am. In my defence, you should have told me earlier -she playfully hits me- But I will tell you now and don't let it go up to your head.

-This is going to be interesting.

-Shut up before I change my opinion -she warns me with fully red cheeks.

- Sorry

-Maybe we should continue deciding the next step?

-C'mon, what were you going to say? Why do you like my behaviour?

She huffs a big amount of air, her face resembling a tomato once again.

-I think that the way you act makes you interesting.

-How come?

-When I see you deep in thought I can't help but wonder what you are thinking about. What is so fascinating that makes you dissociate? Which is your opinion on common things you don't outside-ly react to? Feels intriguing; a mystery yet to resolve. Your ability to remain calm in whatever situation it's reliable and comforting. You have your ways.

-I do?

She snorts while another cup of alcohol is served by herself.

-Of course you do. Min Yoongi, to my expert eye you don't have that many secrets. Maybe I can't figure out daily things but I can do the important ones. Like, I know how you don't feel comfortable giving away love words or contact gestures. But I know how you take care of everyone in every little way you can: acts of service it's called.

Nobody has ever told me they were paying attention to what I do to the point of noticing that. Feels new and exciting.

-You think that for real?

-Of course. Have I ever lied to you?

-There was this time in 12th grade when you snuck out to meet with… what was his name?

-That's irrelevant right now and that was just a little white lie. I'm sure you wouldn't like to hear me talking about the plan I had to escape through my window just so I can lose my virginity.

-That's true.

Fucking. Kim. Taehyung. Nice guy but terrible at managing his relationships with girls.

-Anyways… have I ever lied to you about something important?

-No that I'm aware of.

-Then just accept the compliment so I can breathe, honey.

She seems a little ashamed to have admitted that she likes my interior world, but I'm not one in the position to laugh at it: I don't know why but I find myself a little flustered. Seems like my own game it's turning against me.

-So… you pay attention to what I do or not, hm? -I joke in a flirting tone

-Not on purpose -she fights me while a deeper scarlet flourishes all along her face- most of the time it's just frustrating and I wanna hurt you real bad. Why would you give me the medication when hungover but offer them to me without looking me in the eye? Like it's nothing? It makes me feel ridiculous.

-Why? -now I'm concerned.

-Because… because…

What started as a joke seems to have touched a sensitive spot for her. Are tears what I see? She sniffles a little.

-Sometimes I feel like everything is out of my hands; like I can't keep everything in order without failing. Even this whole situation… I can’t resolve a struggle I made myself without other people's help. You are always taking care of me and I don't know how to pay you back. I feel useless and every time you help me, I just want to tell you that I appreciate the gesture… the way you act like "it's just routine" makes me feel weak and stupid.

-Oh sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.

-No worries; how could you have known if I had never told you anything about it? You are not a mind reader. So… blame is on me.

Lately, I've been so focused on my work that I didn't take what my friend felt into consideration. I feel bad, even if all the hurting wasn't intentional. Sadly, I'm not brave enough to admit that if I act that way it's because I feel ashamed to show my genuine feelings. How much I care about her well-being and how endearing his little demeanours are to me. But I'm sure that she knows this and all she has expressed now is the result of all the pressure she is going through. I do the best that comes to my mind: I wrap my arms around her torso and force her to be part of the sandwich conformed by my strong arms and my chest.

-I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. -I wish for my hold on her to reflect how truly sorry I am. 

I feel her body instantly relax. She feels warm while I feel cold; it must be the alcohol. Or it's just the physical representation of what we are. I don't know. All I know is that hugging her feels nice, right and the only thing in this world that deserves my attention now.

-You know Yoongles, I could never be angry with you. As I said, I know you enough to see the real you and is marvellous. You shouldn't hide it. I wish everyone were able to see your real side.

But you do (I want to say but don't have the courage to) and on Thursday- well, not Thursday but already Friday if we are exact- at 1:23 am, that's all that matters to me.

------------------------------------------------

A/N: Hell yeah, we love a sensitive king!

This must be a record hahaha. Since this one and the previous one were shorter, I thought that uploading double would be the right thing. I hope you still like it, and if not, please let me know in the comment section. Have a good day or night :)

#agust d #yoongi #suga #min yoongi #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #bts yoongi #bts fanfction #bts x curvy reader #yoongi x curvy reader #yoongles #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x oc #yoongi x y/n #min yoongi fanfic #min yoongi scenarios #haegeum #dday #producer yoongi #bts au fanfic #bts au #bts aus #bts army

[hufflepuff221b]

So here comes the boring 'love triangle' rant. 🚨🚨🚨SPOILERS FOR ST4 VOL 2 AND NOT FOR JANCY OR JONATHAN BYERS FANS🚨🚨🚨

Let's start with Nancy. Here is a girl that, apparently, her only main purpose is whoever she may be in love with each season. Girl wants college, wants to be a reporter but it always come back to whether or not she wants Jonathan or Steve? How convenient for you Duffer brothers to have a female lead that you can throw two 'attractive' guys at and watch her bite her lip as she decided on who to choose.

Now blatant sexism aside I don't actually like Nancy. I liked her and Jonathan on first watch of season 1 but on rewatch I think he's pretentious dick and she had every right to call his bullshit for taking pervy pics of her and his reasoning. However her character went downhill from the moment in season 2 they decided to have her and Jonathan an official couple. I'm also slightly miffed that her and Steve never actually officially split up but hey she leapt into bed with Jonathan anyway 🙃after she's dicked him around for a while in a relationship that he was committed to and she was not. Now the Duffers have us believing that she may do it again with her 'resurfaced' feelings for Steve while she's with Jonathan still. It makes her a shittier character than she already is in my eyes.

Now Jonathan, ho boy where to begin? Pervy naked pics from a window, all his snide remarks about Steve even after they've fought the demogorgon together and Steve is trying to be better. Not to mention Steve taking Nancy dumping him like a fucking champ for the shifty eyed little weasel. I was actually starting to like him again in season 4 with Argyle and focusing more on his relationship with Will in vol 2 only for him to make that weak ass comment about leaving Steve in charge in episode 9. His little rat face all sniggering like Nancy would join in. Now my understanding is that she has never done that before and for once I was happy she was like 'um no he's actually matured'. But it's not the point, Jonathan clearly has such low self esteem on himself that he needs to belittle her ex and considering they got together by cheating thats probably why he suddenly asked if they were okay as a couple at the point in the episode, he's probably a paranoid wreck.

Well good he's a self righteous arsehole and while literally thee last thing I want in season 5 is for Nancy and Steve to get back together I hope she dumps his ass! (To quote the ever wise Max and El)

Finally Steve. Now as my favourite character I could be bias but I don't think I am when I say he had every right to be pissed off at Jonathan for taking those pics of Nancy and smashing his camera for it. Now I've seen a lot of posts saying it wasn't protectiveness it was possessiveness but I don't agree. Even from the very beginning of ST1 he pursues Nancy while his advice to Dustin in season 2 is keep them guessing. He's clearly already falling for Nancy hard before canon begins. The study scene when he doesn't push her shows that, only for him to act like a jealous jackass when he catches her with Jonathan later on.

The cinema scene is horrible and Jonathan had ever right to smack him for what he says about his family but as Flo says later on he smacks Steve 'for love', because he's jealous himself. Its no more protecting Nancy's honour than Steve smashing his camera.

Now Steve is a fan favourite so I get it there are a lot of bias for him even in season 1 but I don't forget that he was twat at points. However I also don't get why people vilify him for every single action either? He grows every season (within the shitty parameters of the Duffers development) where as Jonathan and Nancy never change, they are boring especially when they work together.

Look at Nancy and Robin's relationship this season, I don't like Ronancy as a ship but they were brilliant together. Which is why the weird stilted Steve/Nancy thing felt forced to me this season. Are the Duffers saying that ex's are incapable of working together without magically falling into each others arms again?

They do Steve dirty every season with bullshit story arcs that focus on his sex life and how many times they can beat the shit out of him. To the point where they gave him the cringy scene about his dream of travelling the country with a massive family. It's actually a nice sentiment but it can't be focused on the fact that he doesn't have a good home with his parents or that he's trying to plan for life after Hawkins. No no don't be silly, its focusing around the fact that he's telling Nancy so as to hint to her that he wants her to be the mother in the scenario. It's lazy writing and just makes Steve seem ridiculous.

He talked about getting hits on the head and crawling forward well the Duffers aren't allowing him to do that so I'm not sure why they wrote that in?

I basically think if season 5 even tries to focus on any kind of love triangle I'll stop watching. You did this in season 1 and 2 Duffle Bags and it was boring that time round to.

#steve harrington #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #st4 vol2

[zimbardos]

I finished Infinite Jest.

(This post contains spoilers)

I'm proud of myself for doing it. And only in two months especially since English is far from being my native language. I used the Wiki to look up difficult words while reading.

I was very pleased with the ending. It was perfectly ambiguous enough to end there. I was sure Gately died in the hospital and got a flashback to his rock bottom, it seemed so open-ended in a good way.

And then I found out I was wrong about many things. I missed a lot of the plot (since it's not chronological or clear). It's definitely not spoon fed to you and you have to really research the timeline. I was extremely impressed at how the different plots connected to each other perfectly. It's so brilliant now that I get the inter-connectedness and the incredible Lost-style foreshadowing. I don't know how he did it. Nothing in the book is meaningless, everything serves a purpose and tells a bigger story. It's incredible.

I really feel like it was worth the effort. It was difficult but I feel so complete now in a way.

Infinite Jest really helped me on a personal level too, to come to terms with the way I see academic achievement. I watched the film The End of the Tour about two weeks before I started the book. I really loved the movie and I stayed up watching his interviews, discovered I like the way he looks at the world (keep in mind DFW obviously was a really shitty human being irl though) and I decided to order the book, which I rarely do (I don't really buy books before reading them because I often end up disappointed with the book and feel like I've wasted money on it). IJ came to me at a time in my life when I was very confused about achievement. I'm studying to become a clinical psychologist, in my country it's an extremely competitive, long and difficult journey where you're constantly evaluated and compare yourself to others. I thought a lot about how do I not care enough that if I fail on this journey my self esteem won't shatter, while simultaneously caring enough to work hard to achieve it.

During my first year, I was really anxious about getting on the Dean's List. No particular reason other the selfish need for affirmation that I was good (the fact that I NEED to be good to get to my dream job obviously contributed though so it's not all narcissism) an entire year of worrying about it intensely. A few days before I watched the movie, I got an email that I was on the Dean's List. Seeing my name there made me happy, but that high only lasted about 10 minutes. I was confused, sad and disappointed as to why the suffering was so long and the pay-off so short. I tried to make sense of it. Why wasn't I really happy? I naively thought I'd be happy when I get the email. My overall wellbeing during that year was great, but it had the caveat at the back of my mind of "This is good, but I'll be TRULY happy when I'm on the Dean's List". It didn't fulfill all my dreams. Is this what is going to happen to me when I become a psychologist? I saw videos of doctors who talked about finally getting to their M.D.s and realizing the day to day life as a doctor was just as gray and boring and grueling (obviously that doesn't mean that pursuing these careers isn't worthwhile, it's just not going to magically solve all your problems and you shouldn't look at it that way). It was scary in an existential way. A small crisis.

In the book, the Enfield Tennis Academy is a highly competitive place and they have a great philosophy that they try to teach the young players in order for them to be resilient to the difficult psychic struggles of being an athlete of this level. There's an emphasis on caring and not caring at the same time, not thinking about the potential future fame, only existing in the moment. I felt very validated and seen by Hal's struggle especially. DFW was deeply concerned with that kind of stuff. You hear from his interviews he was fascinated by the difficulty of dedicating your life to something and then failing (see also: "How Tracy Austin Broke My Heart").

The main thing I got from the book is to try to get to that point where you don't put all your eggs in the one basket of achievement, it alone won't bring you much happiness.

The achievement part is not the only reason to read the book. He also deals with entertainment in general (which is a whole 'nother conversation... especially since things in this regard are so much worse nowadays compared to the 90's when IJ was written. I would have loved his thoughts on how the internet changed the world. We live now more than ever in a world where you have the right to be entertained all the time, constantly, your mind never getting a moment of quiet for itself if you don't want it) and with drug addiction.

Anyway, it's a phenomenal book. I highly recommend it. I feel stronger now in my pursuit of personal academic milestones. I feel changed as a person, the way only truly great books can change you.

#infinite jest #personal #i don't know #sorry if this came off super pretentious

[armouredheart]

📔 Your turn!

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

I just answered one here about my daydreams about Stepdad Ed, but fret not, I suffer from terrible OFMD brainrot meaning I'm always daydreaming about pirate scenarios.

So, I spend a lot of time thinking about how Edward Teach has little to no self-esteem, and Stede Bonnet makes it his personal mission to change that. Just like, showering him with compliments, non-stop.

Ed makes a suggestion and Stede is there like his own personal cheerleader, telling him how it's such a brilliant idea and he is so clever and capable for coming up with it.

He encourages Ed to take up a hobby, only to applaud everything he does, even when he's still shit at it. He's so supportive every step of the way and pushes him further with kindness.

One day Ed decided to wear his hair differently, starts to braid it, and Stede makes sure to tell him how beautiful he looks with his hair out of his face. He might even remind the crew to be extra friendly to Ed because he's feeling a bit insecure about this change and he doesn't want him to get his feelings hurt.

He just makes sure that he's comfortable and knows that he's loved, valued and appreciated by him.

Wouldn't that be nice?!

#ask game #asks #our flag means death

[mijukiwrites]

Prologue

Swords and Stars

Between endless fields of golden corn, ready to be harvested, lived Billy Joe and Daisy May MacMillan, a charming yet simple farmer couple. They had good amount of land, a wonderful old farmhouse, and a big barn that was in desperate need of fresh paint. Most of their days were filled with the sweet laughter of their six small grandchildren that visited often, and the faint echo of Billy Joe’s tractor whenever he was working on the fields around the farm.

One lovely morning, as Billy Joe was working around the farm, he had a brilliant idea. He had a lot of wood planks in his barn, that were not needed anymore, so he decided to build a birdhouse out of it. Not any birdhouse though. Billy Joe was a talented man when it came to woodwork. As the proud american he was, he build a miniature and bird friendly version of the White House as it stands in Washington D.C.. With a big grin on his face, he proudly painted “The White House” on top of the bird house.

Daisy May was busy inside the house that day. Their grandchildren would visit tomorrow, so Daisy May decided to bake some of her fine homemade cookies. Covered in flour she was humming to a tune, all in excitement of seeing the happy smiles of her youngest family members again. 

Their cozy day however took an unexpected turn. 

As Billy Joe admired all his finished farm work in the evening, a weird noise appeared above him. He didn’t bother paying attention to it, thinking it would be nothing else but an airplane. When the noise however got louder, and more unusual to what he was used to, he looked up. His eyes widened. There, above him, was a huge wooden flying object, something he has never seen before. “Daisy May, stay inside the house and don’t come out. Call the cops if you can!” the old man shouted in a heavy texas accent, out of fear for him and his beloved wife. With a dropped jaw he watched the wooden object, which seemed to be a mix between boat and space shuttle, land in the cornfield in front of him. Mr MacMillan took his screwdriver that was still next to the birdhouse and held it tight in his hand, ready to use it for self defense. 

A door of the weird thing opened, and two humans with unusual hairstyling and clothing emerged. They both were very tall and slender, having straight long brown-grey hair that had some silver metal pieces and herbs braided into it. There necks were unusually long. They  wore coats that were longer at the back and dark grey pants and black boots. One of them, the taller one, was carrying a strange looking plant, that had visible pollen flying around it. 

Billy Joe’s heart raced as these two odd humans walked towards him with graceful, yet unfamiliar movements. They looked slightly confused at the birdhouse, then to Billy Joe. “We imagined your leaderships housing bigger, but every new civilization brings it’s own surprising traits”. The smaller one said with a big smile in broken english. They both bowed their heads slightly at Billy Joe. The smaller one spoke again.“Well then, greetings, esteemed leader. We are happy to announce your planet has been accepted into “The Merged Society Of Intergalactic And Extragalactic Universes And Subuniverses Of The United Democtratic Humanoid Non-Hostile Planets And Cultures”, short TMSOIAEUASOTUDHNHPAC or even shorter, “The United Society of Space”. 

Billy Joe only looked at them with wide eyes, unable to speak. 

“Are you sure that this is their leader?”, the taller one with the plant in it’s arms asked this time. “It says “The White House” right there!”, the smaller one said and gestured to the birdhouse. “It must be him. This also should be the right planet, and the translators should also work. To my knowledge, most of their species can speak without problems, maybe their leader is just slow?”

As the two weird people infront of him continued arguing about wether everything worked out according to their “plans and protocols” Billy Joe noticed Daisy May, who had emerged from the farmhouse with a tray of freshly baked cookies in her hands. With a warm smile, she handed the tray towards the two. “Would you like some fresh cookies?” she asked, stopping the argument between the two, and finally making Billy Joe move again. 

The two odd looking people looked at her confused but curious, before carefully reaching out towards the cookies and grabbing one each. So did Billy Joe. “Delicious! I knew this planet was worth visiting!” the smaller one said. Hesitant at first, Billy Joe and Daisy May MacMillan started to engage in some small talk with the two. Despite the fear and confusion at the beginning, they were quickly able to bond over the cookies in a chill summer evening.

And so, in the middle of a cornfield in rural Texas, history was made. The first encounter between humans and alien lifeforms was not one of fear or violence, but of warmth and hospitality, all thanks to the sweet innocence of an elder farm couple and some fresh cookies.

#original story #original work #swords and stars

[soonparisblog]

How to Pen Down the Perfect Birthday Wish for Your Son as a Father

The relationship between a father and his son is an extraordinary bond, filled with faith, hope, and boundless love. When the time comes to celebrate a son’s birthday, a father is often compelled to express his profound affection and pride. In this blog post, we will provide valuable suggestions on how to craft the perfect birthday wishes for son from father, adding an exclusive touch to his special day.

Be Genuine and Heartfelt Write from the heart. A father's love is both genuine and immense, so the birthday wish should reflect this. Express your heartfelt affection while maintaining your individual fatherly tone. Your son should be able to hear your voice while reading the message.

Example:

"Happy Birthday, my son! Your journey in life continually fills me with awe and pride. May the year ahead be filled with prosperity and happiness, as much as you have brought to my life."

Reflect on Your Son’s Accomplishments Highlight your son's accomplishments over the past year to express your pride. This can be anything from excellent grades to life skills or even hobbies he has picked up. This element can provide encouragement and boost his confidence and self-esteem.

Example:

"Happy Birthday to my brilliant son, whose resilience in everything, whether academics or soccer, never ceases to impress me. Continue soaring high!"

Choose Words that Convey Growth As your son grows older, your wish should respect and acknowledge his maturity. Express faith in his growth and ingenuity while reminding him you're always there for support.

Example:

"Happy Birthday! As you turn another year older, my faith in your ability to maneuver life's challenges deepens. Keep growing, my dear son, but remember I'll always be there for you."

Include a Valuable Life Lesson A birthday wish is a perfect opportunity to impart wisdom to your son in a non-preaching way. Keep it relevant to his age and little nuggets that you've picked up over the years.

Example:

"Wishing you a fantastic birthday, my beloved son. Remember, every stumble is a stepping stone to greater things in life. Keep reaching for the stars!"

Personalize the Message A personal touch never fails to make a birthday wish feel special. A shared joke, a funny incident, or a common interest can make your message all the more remarkable.

Example:

"Happy Birthday, my little science fanatic! May your year ahead be filled with lots of intriguing experiments and discoveries, just the way you love it."

Include Well Wishes for the Next Year Express your wishes for the coming year as a little beacon of hope and positivity in your son's new age chapter.

Example:

"As you step into another exciting year, may each day unfold new opportunities and contentment. Have an unforgettable birthday, son!"

Pennroying birthday wishes for son from father is undeniably a special process. It's a careful mix of expressions of love, pride, and hopes for his future. Keep these tips in mind, and you can craft an exceptional and heartfelt birthday message that your son will remember always.

#birthday #wishes #son #father

[grahamstoney]

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/life-coaching/what-when-you-dont-know-what

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

Not sure what to do with your life? Or do you have a grand vision for your future but don’t know where to start? Stressed out because the way forward isn’t always clear?

Confused?… Me too!

Yeah well some days I wake up with no clue what to do either. These tips haven’t worked a damn for me, but I’m sure you’ll find them helpful:

Move Your Body

That brilliant mind of yours doesn’t exist in isolation you know. It’s connected to your body via a network of 100 billion neurons, so if you need some mental stimulation there’s no easier way to get it than getting that body moving. Go for a walk, ride your bike, lift some weights or go to the gym. Get some endorphins flowing through your system and you never know what ideas might pop into your head.

Do Some Brainstorming

Sit down and start brainstorming random ideas: make a list of a thousand things you wouldn’t do in a million years. Whatever comes into your head. Don’t judge them, just write them down stream-of-consciousness style. Just let it flow:

Learn sign language

Visit a nudist resort

Quit my job

Learn to play guitar

Become a comedian

etc, etc

You may not come up with any sensible ideas, and even if you do you’ll have so many options to choose from that you won’t know where to start and will be more confused than ever. But at least you’ll have filled in the day doing something.

Phone A Friend

Try calling one of your no-good down-and-out friends who hasn’t a clue what he’s doing with his life either. You won’t get any good ideas from him obviously, but at least you’ll have someone empathic to listen to your whining about how shit your life is because you can’t decide what to do with it. Then try phoning Oxfam and donating some of your spare cash to help someone who’d swap their life for yours in a heartbeat, you lousy ungrateful SOB.

Try Something You Loved As A Kid

Childhood hobbies can be a rich source of adult inspiration. Have a go at riding your bicycle, pulling girls hair, or looking at your friend’s dad’s collection of naked girly pictures. Come to think of it, there’s more than enough porn out there on the Internet to keep you busy all day, every day; and since the Internet wasn’t invented when you were a kid you’ve got a lot of catching up to do before you reach the level of today’s average teenager.

Make Something

Get your creative juices going and try making something. Build something out of wood, metal or electrons. Start a blog. Or a porn site: Get some repressed ex-Catholic girls with low self-esteem and a video camera, you’ll hit the big time in no time. Why waste time and money funding criminals when you can shoot your own?

The Washing

One reliable constant in life is that there’s always washing to do, so if you’re just not sure what to do this is as good a start as any. And if by some freak of nature you don’t seem to have any washing to do, there’s plenty around at my place that you can come and help out with.

Meditate

Try doing a stillness meditation: just sit completely still in a chair doing nothing for 15 minutes. Don’t focus on your breath or watch your thoughts fly by like clouds or anything; just do absolutely nothing. If this doesn’t drive your restless ass insane and prompt you to take action, I don’t know what will.

Give Someone Else Advice

So what if you can’t seem to make your own life work: try helping someone else. Become a Life Coach. Write articles on your blog giving unsolicited advice to all and sundry. Make shit up. It doesn’t matter if you’re completely unqualified in the field. Just do it, they’re not going to know the difference.

Lie In Bed Worrying About It

My favourite! If you really can’t decide what to do today, you could try just lying in bed all day worrying about it. This way you’ll avoid taking any action at all, meaning you’re in exactly the same position tomorrow and get to do it all over again.

#life purpose #Meditation #what to do #Life Coaching

[a--musings]

The narcissist.

May 6, 2022. I wrote a lot about this by hand in my journal, and I felt compelled to rewrite it and share this here so that maybe one person—just ONE—can spare themselves the misery, the pain, the extreme insecurities and self-doubt a person can inflict on another. This is the story about...E.

Do you know what you were doing that was hurting me, E? That was the last question I told myself I’d ask you, before cutting off ties completely, and moving on to a much happier, more successful life far away from here and far away from you.

Over the past two months, I felt a strange mix of frustration and vehement indifference when I would see the 41 missed calls, the daily unnecessary text messages, and the pleading voicemails full of empty, superficial apologies—the rambling on and on about nothing, trying to lure me back in with crafty swaying words, which I can now see clearly as utter bullshit. It’s funny how the mirage shatters and what used to sound like sweet talking became awkward stuttering hidden behind musical cadence. I wanted to talk to you every time you reached out because I wanted to hold up a mirror for you to look into and finally face yourself. But it’s futile. I know that now. Nothing can ever change someone like you, and I need to stop believing it is my purpose to heal you.

Look for the evidence. That is the mantra by which I followed to navigate my life for years before I met you. I’m smart enough to make accurate deductions based on the information that is presented to me. I wouldn’t be a doctor if I couldn’t. And yet I fell for it. The love bombing. The grandiose gestures of love and affection. The over-the-top charisma. The intense intimacy to create familiarity so immediately. The “I love you” that I felt was far too soon—that I wasn’t sure I even wanted at the time...and yet, I allowed it because I truly believed you were a once-in-a-lifetime type of man. But all of these were acts done to create the addiction to ensure I would cling to you. And I think of all the exes you would reminisce upon and criticize to oblivion—who you claimed would always try to come back and continuously long and beg for you—fell for it too. They didn’t know that it was all just a facade. That you so craftily play the role you knew we all wanted. I had my suspicions about you. The stories never added up, and you could never recognize that my memory far surpassed yours. I would catch you in lies and attempts to manipulate and control storylines to benefit you. The discomfort I felt upon learning how quickly you turn over women, and how similar we all had been. Small, petite Asians in healthcare. You all called them all “Bub.” I never allowed you to call me that because I felt like we all blended into the same person to you. And we did. Because we were just there to serve as a supply of validation and self-esteem regulation that you desperately need. It was dehumanizing. All of it was. The evidence kept pushing me to believe the opposite of what you urged. I knew who you were, E. As I had explained to you countless times, a lot of medical training is really just pattern recognition. I saw the evidence from day one. I began noticing the very very predictable set of patterns you portrayed. But I overlooked everything because I desperately wanted to believe you as much as you believed you. I took on the role of the villain. I called myself borderline, when I was just an empath desperately trying to absorb the chaos and toxicity that you caused every time you lied to me. Why did I do this? Because I thought I loved you, and I thought doing so was loving you. I wanted to play along and pretend to protect you from your insecurities because that’s how I felt I could best support you. I ignored my brilliant friends who have trained extensively for years in the art of observation and human communication. He’s hiding something. He’s not genuine. He tries so hard to display himself as the good guy, but it doesn’t feel real. He’s wearing a mask that he will never take off. My own father was suspicious that you had a deep-seated wound at your core. But I grew angry with them and distant in defense of you, even though I always knew that they were right. I degraded myself to stay with you and I am still learning to forgive myself for that. 

Look for the evidence. I see it now: the evidence of who you really were, in contrast to who you falsely claimed yourself to be. The grandiosity and the over-exaggerated stories you would tell about all the talents and skills you had in order to hide your mediocrity. The constant criticism of everyone I loved for no reason at all. The subtle jabs at me and tiny wounds that eventually tear large, gaping holes in my heart. The superficial, false self you presented to people you claimed were your closest friends who never really knew you. You need the praise, the admiration, the constant supply of validation. You are incapable of being alone, and that’s why you move swiftly from person to person, breaking new women in your wake without a hint of remorse. You just need to hide your true self because you are ashamed, and in the process you destroy people. Because in the end, nothing is scarier to a narcissist than being left to face the person they can’t stand more than anyone else in the world—themselves.

I’ve sat here for months, reflecting on all the things that made me feel that I was beneath you. But I’m not. I feel sorry for you. I feel bad for whoever has to end up with you. Because you always paraded yourself to be better than you really are—some stand up guy with strong morals and values that were inconsistent with the way you actually lived and acted. I allowed you to make me feel like I was a monster, and I am not. I am kind. I am loving. I am generous. I have lifelong friends who love my genuine self and want to be around me, regardless of my darkness and the shitty things I do as an imperfect human. I would never treat someone the way you treated me. I would never say the things about people that I would hear you say on a daily basis. I am open with my flaws, and people still accept me. I never had to put on a show for anybody. I never had to lie to get people to view me so highly, and I don’t even care if they do, nor need them to. I am smart. I work hard. I am honest. I am real. I have integrity and stay true to my values. I follow through with what I say I will do. I’m a fucking medical doctor. 

And I wanted to ask you so badly, do you know what you were doing that was hurting me? I wanted to ask you in hopes of opening your eyes and to force you to face who you were—in hopes of protecting the other girls unlucky enough to be used as your newest narcissistic supply. But I don’t care anymore. I am not a superhero. I am not the protagonist to your villain. It is not my job to save the string of broken hearts you will leave along the way. 

What I can do is urge others to LOOK FOR THE EVIDENCE. Nobody in the world is “too good to be true,” and if they are, they are playing the role to make themselves that way. Love yourself enough to trust your judgment, knowledge, skills, and capabilities to own your truth. Don’t ever let anyone try to take it from you and twist your reality into something that serves them and destroys you. If something feels wrong, it probably is. You are smart enough on your own to interpret reality. Never let anyone take your truth from you.

One of the last voicemails you left for me was a request that we meet to talk about our relationship so you could learn how to be better. But I don’t need to, E. I already know what I learned from you. I learned that although I am flawed, I am wise enough to learn from my mistakes and grow. I learned that to never doubt myself again. But you, E. You have no integrity and have never been able to take accountability. You have never been able to apologize for your blatant lies without blaming them on me. I will not sit with you and tell you all the things you can learn to tweak to deceive other women. The only thing you can learn from this is how to better hide a fucking receipt for a box of condoms that you bought for someone else during a time you claimed you were faithful to me.

—a.

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Unstan Louis, you were shit today, unstan and leave him alone.

I wasn’t shit. I’m brilliant, thanks.

#my self esteem comes from a lot of love and it’s brilliant

[godlessandwrecked]

it’s time to go | r. lupin

She’s a brilliant witch. The perfect pure blood daughter from the House of Black. His best friend’s twin sister. The girl he’s always loved. Everything he wants but cannot have. And he’s just Remus. Just....Remus. Her unwilling engagement and a party at Grimmauld Place is sure to be the least perfect situation for a heart to heart.

part 2 part 3

WORD COUNT: 3,2k

PAIRING: remus lupin x female reader (sirius’ sister, no physical descriptors)

CONTENTS: angst.... like,, a lot / talks of low self esteem and self worth over remus’ condition / arranged marriage / mentions of alcohol consumption and smoking

A/N: (this is a repost, the original is an oc version) I’ve had this idea in my head for months and I finally got around to writing it. this is heavily inspired by Ms. Swift’s it’s time to go, although it has nothing to do with the actual song and it’s way more heartbreaking than I intended it to be x

Remus couldn’t believe it when Sirius told him.

He thought it was a joke at first, but his friend’s grim look was enough proof to know what he was saying was true. And deep in his heart, he had known. He had known this moment would come sooner or later, given her family’s status. He had discussed it with her before, but he just couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

She was engaged. Y/N was engaged.

Engaged to some older, pure blood, rich guy from France, against her own will, by her family’s wishes. Her parents had arranged her marriage to some man she didn’t even know, all for some nonsense about keeping the blood purity she didn’t believe in at all. 

His heart ached for her. He had spent three days laying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering why she had to go through with something like that. Why her, out of all people—the sweet, carefree girl whose heart longed for adventure, and freedom. 

And then the letter arrived.

As the stark white owl tapped on his window, he recognized the stamp with her initials first, and then, without even needing to read her signature, the unmistakable neat calligraphy, with the big elegant loops of her handwriting.

She was inviting him to the engagement party her parents were hosting for her at Grimmauld Place. More like, she was begging him to please come. The letter was brief and it didn’t go into much detail, but he could only guess how overwhelmingly un-excited she felt about it all by the lack of exclamation points and little doodles she always drew in her letters addressed to him. And his heart ached even more.

He wasn’t up for a party full of blood purists to celebrate something he didn’t think should even be happening, but he couldn’t tell her no. How could he? He was a fool for her, and what a shitty friend would he be if he didn’t show up to support her?

So he put on his best suit—borrowed it from his father—and showed up to the damn party with James and Lily by his side, looking as gloom as ever, his heart heavy in his chest.

It’s been over an hour now and he doesn’t even know what Sirius is telling him anymore. He’s seeing his mouth move and the exaggerated gestures he’s making with his hands, but he has no idea what he’s saying. He can only guess he’s complaining about his parents’ choice and his sister’s free will—he hasn’t shut up about it since he received the news—but Remus is too focused on what’s happening on the other side of the room. 

He’s been sneakily stealing glances at her all night, quickly diverting his gaze down when he felt her about to stare his way, just so he wouldn’t meet her eyes and choke on his drink. She looks so beautiful, as she always does, but she looks terribly grim, her usual sunny smile long gone and replaced by a slight pout and a frown.

Remus hasn’t talked to her yet. Her fiancé has made sure that she has talked to every single person in the room before she even gets to talk to her actual friends, but Remus has been studying her carefully the whole time he’s been there. As she walks from group of people to group of people, putting on a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, and as if on cue, dropping it as soon as she walks away, back to looking bored and uninterested, so uncharacteristic of the girl he knows. 

And what to say about him. Remus has no words to describe him. That asshole.

He hasn’t exchanged a single word with him, but he doesn’t need to. He knows just the type of person he is, and he knows his type very well: so entitled, so seemingly superior to everyone else. Textbook, standard rich asshole blood purist.

The things Sirius has said about him have only made his hatred for him bigger, if that’s possible, and he can’t believe she’s being forced to marry someone like that. Someone so opposite to her, with views she doesn’t agree with. 

Remus is sending daggers his way, keeping on ignoring whatever his friend is saying. And the dumb fuck is right across the room, sporting a disgusting proud smile, drinking from his champagne flute and fondly laughing with his friends. Meanwhile, she’s hanging by his arm, crestfallen and clearly uncomfortable. 

He can’t bear to keep looking at them for any longer. Or to be in the same room as him when she’s looking so sad and out of place beside him. Remus’ head is getting hotter and hotter with anger as the minutes go by, the room feeling heavy and suffocating, and he wants to scream out of impotence because she just doesn’t deserve any of this. 

He’s suddenly apologizing to his friends, making up a shitty excuse about smoking and practically running to the back door, stumbling through the sea of people and stepping out into the dark courtyard.

Fishing for a cigarette in his back pocket, he places it between his lips and reaches for his zippo, and he barely has time to flick it open when—

“Remus,”

A soft, lulling voice calling his name makes him turn around harshly. The sweet, unmistakable voice of the girl that’s been in his mind all summer, since the last time he saw her at King’s Cross at the beginning of the holidays.

His sweet girl. 

Except, she’s not yours, he corrects himself. 

She’s standing there, in a silky, strappy, long dress in a breathtaking shade of emerald green that hugs her body beautifully; high heels and her hair pinned up in an intricate updo, held together by little pearl pins that glisten in the faint moonlight. She looks out of this world, like a heaven sent apparition that’s sure to haunt him for the rest of his life; a phantasmagoric vision that he’s sure will be engraved in his mind until he takes his last breath. 

“Hey,” she smiles her usual warm grin, and she is back to looking like the girl he knows so well. 

“Hi,” he manages to choke out. It’s like he’s seeing her for the very first time all over again, and he doesn’t even know what to say. He’s out of words and too preoccupied with staring at her mouth, her blood red pout leaving him breathless. 

“How was your summer? I heard you were at James’,” she asks politely, always so well mannered. 

He hasn’t seen her in almost three months and he thinks he might faint. The ground is trembling and he’s holding onto his cigarette for dear life, afraid he’s gonna drop it and set himself on fire or burn a hole through his shoe.

Her striking eyes, dark and enchanting in the dim light of the courtyard, are staring at him intently and carefully, waiting for an answer. She looks almost overwhelmed and eager for his response, and she seems to be as taken aback by him as he is by her, like she’s been dying to see him too, and his heart swells with a shred of hope. 

He swallows the lump in his throat roughly, because he can’t afford to be hopeful when it comes to her. Not anymore. He has made peace with that already, or at least he thinks he has, because looking at her now, he’s not quite so sure.

“It was good. You look beautiful,” he points out, trying very hard to make it sound casual and hide the fact that he is melting into the mossy cobblestones under her scorching hot stare. 

As he stares at her, biting down on her lip nervously at his compliment, he starts to feel that familiar feeling once again. The one he feels only around her, when it’s just the two of them. Sort of like he can’t breathe and his stomach is settling in strangely.

Merlin, does he want her bad.

He just wants to know what it feels like, just this once. That’s all he needs, to kiss her just once. He wants to hold her pretty face in his hands and plant his lips on hers just to see if he can finally get rid of that feeling forever. Just feel her soft lips on his, his hands on her cheeks, assuring her everything will be okay in hushed whispers.

For a moment, he thinks he might actually go through with it, but he doesn’t. He holds back, he has to. Instead, he swallows hard, the need and desire to feel her touch bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

There’s no way she can have this kind of effect on him, for fuck’s sake.

“Thank you,” she says sincerely, fiddling with the diamond ring sitting on her left hand, dainty fingers playing with the gleaming stone.

He glances at it and suddenly everything feels even more real than when he was watching the newly engaged couple inside, fire burning on his throat as he stared at that guy’s dirty hand around her waist as they greeted all their guests. 

“I was gonna say congratulations, but I don’t think that’s what you wanna hear,” he confesses.

“You do know me better than anyone, Rem,” she nods her head.

He forces a painful laugh at that, because he does and it fucking hurts. “How are you? Is he treating you right? Do I have to get into a verbal fight with him that I will for sure win?” 

She laughs because she knows he would, and his heart swells at the sound. “He-“ she stutters. “He’s fine. Nice enough, I guess.” 

She finally cracks under his sympathetic gaze, her smile dropping, her delicately built up walls and the facade she’s been holding up the whole night crumbling to pieces under his warm presence. 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she keeps stuttering over her words, and for a moment he thinks it might be the cold, but he knows it’s because she’s devastated and terrified, and he just wants to run to her and hold her in his arms. “I thought I was free. I thought I had a grip on my own life, but I don’t. I have no freedom. And everything’s going downhill, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know, Y/N,” he says sincerely, for once not having an answer for her. “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.”

He doesn’t know how to comfort her because he can only guess how deeply she’s hurting, and there are no encouraging words he can tell her, because he doesn’t want this for her either. 

“I’m being sold to him like some dog, just like my poor cousins,” she says, sitting down on the edge of the large stone fountain decorating the center of the courtyard. “I’m destined to be the perfect wife to a husband that I don’t love and live an unfulfilling and unhappy life raising his children. That’s what I was raised for. For a while I thought I could escape my fate, you know? But here we are. Who cares about what I want, right?” she scoffs, a bitter look on her face.

“Don’t say that,” Remus speaks, sitting down next to her. “You’ll be happy,” he doesn’t believe a single word he’s telling her. “You’ll get married, yes, and I’m sure you’ll learn to love-”

“How can you say that?” she cuts in a fiery tone, staring at him with a frown. “How can you say that, when you know better than anyone that that’s not true? You know exactly what would make me happy, Remus.” 

He shakes his head, staring at the floor.

He does know exactly what she’s referring to, and he can’t bring himself to meet her gaze, afraid that if he looks into her eyes he’ll give in and tell her things he’ll later regret. “We’ve talked about this-”

“Have we? How can you just pretend you’re okay with this?” She stands up, “How can you act like it doesn’t hurt you too? Remus-”

“What do you want me to do?” he rises his voice now, the feelings he’s trying to hold back for her sake bubbling up to the surface. “I know it’s not fair that they’re doing this to you. Believe me, I do, and I’m fucking enraged. But what do you want me to do about it? I’m completely powerless here.”

“You just have to say it,” she speaks in a small, fragile voice. “Just say it and it’s done. I’ll do anything you want me to, you just need to say it.”

Just say it.

That he loves her. That he wants her. It’s all she needs to hear from him to give everything up. 

He wishes he was the one marrying her. Fuck, how he wishes he could spend the rest of his life by her side and give her everything. Anyone would be lucky to be with her, and he feels like such a fool for believing for even a moment he could be that someone to her, for allowing himself to even dream about it.

He has spent five years of his life pining over her, desperately clinging to pathetic hope and painfully wishing she wasn’t so out of his league and he was someone else and they could be together. But he’s 18 now, he’s not a kid anymore, and he knows some things aren’t destined to be. He knows that even if you wish for something very hard, some wishes are never to be fulfilled. 

He’s shaking his head again, because he just can’t. As much as he’s dying to, he can’t do that to her. “You have to understand-”

“I don’t have to understand anything,” she cuts him. “Remus, I lov-”

“Don’t,” he stops her, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “Please, don’t say it.”

He knows he won’t be able to do what he’s about to do if she tells him she loves him, so he continues talking in a stale, determined voice, “I want what’s best for you, and this is it. I don’t want your family to disown you. I don’t want you to give everything up for something that might not even work. I would never forgive myself if that happened. You deserve a good life, one I could never give you.”

He’s thought about this. He’s had an argument with himself about it for years, and he was hoping he would never have to voice it, hoping it would never get to this point, because Godric knows he would rather die than lose her, but he’s here now, and it’s what he has to do. 

He has come to terms with it now. They can never be together, because she’s, well... her.

She comes from a wealthy, pure blood family that would never allow her to be with someone like him. In choosing him she would have to give up her family, and he can’t make her choose.

And not only that, but he’s also a werewolf. He’s a damn werewolf, and he can’t put her through the torment of tending to him for the rest of her life after every full moon and possibly hurting her or something worse. Not to mention he won’t be able to give her children, because what if. And he can’t even provide for her. He has nothing to his name and he’s unemployed because no one will take him in or trust him enough. 

There’s a million other reasons as to why it’s best if he stays away from her, and they all go back to his condition. His stupid, damned lycanthropy that has been ruining everything good in his life since he was five. He can’t believe he’s allowing it to ruin yet another good thing, but he has to keep reminding himself this is for her and her sake. And he would do anything for her. 

“But I want you,” she says stubbornly, breathing raggedly in anguish as tears roll down her face. 

He can’t bear to see her cry. It breaks his heart. So he just stares at his shoes. “No, you don’t.” He doesn’t know if he’s trying to convince her or himself, but he doesn’t think it’s working either way. 

“Yes, I do,” she says desperately, kneeling between his legs as he shakes his head, his eyes still locked to the floor. “Yes, I do. You’re all I want. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. You make me happy, Remus. And I know I make you happy too. I know you believe you don’t deserve good things, but you do. You do.” She takes his face into her shaking hands, forcing him to look at her. “Why can’t you just let me love you? Please, let me make you happy, Remus.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t. This could never work,” he bites his lip, holding back the tears because he’s lying through his teeth, and it’s clear as day. He painfully forces himself to step away from her, untangling himself from her grip and getting up from where he was sitting. “I can’t give you what you want, I’m sorry.”

He looks down at her, and he swears he can hear his soul rip in two at the sight of her.

She looks broken. Defeated. Her stare is blank and she’s looking right past him with glossy eyes, her gaze not really settled anywhere. He’s rejecting her, and it feels like a bucket of ice cold water being poured over you; like a punch to the gut that leaves you gasping for air for a few seconds.

He’s sure this is what taking a knife to the stomach must feel like. 

“I wish you nothing but happiness, I really do. You deserve everything. Everything.”

And he’s walking away, not even daring to look back, too afraid if he does he’ll turn back around and run to her, stumbling at her feet, confessing his undying love for her and begging her for them to elope together.

He walks away, slowly but surely, leaving a breaking heart and an empty girl in the courtyard, the moonlight breaking through her disheveled pinned up hair, all cold hands and trembling shoulders. 

“I love you,” she says in a broken whisper, and he barely hears her, but he stops in his tracks. 

He stays glued to the place for a few seconds, but he doesn’t turn around. He can’t believe he’s doing it, and he doesn’t know where his strong will has come from, but he resumes his step and keeps walking away. Because he has to.

He knows this is not a matter of choice—Merlin knows if he could choose, he would choose her over the sun, the moon and the stars, at any given day. He can’t believe he’s letting her slip past his fingers, and he may be the biggest fool in the whole world for letting her go, but it’s the right thing to do.

He knows she might not feel like it is at the moment, and she might hate him for the rest of her days, but if that is the price to pay for her well-being, then so be it. He would do it a thousand times over. Because that is what love is. And he loves her.

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