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throttlegainwell · 1 month

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This is kinda late, but for the director’s cut ask, I’d love to hear your thoughts on “Dear Whoever You Are.” It always gets me.

Aw, thank you! And thank you for the ask. (And no worries--I wouldn't have been available to answer this until today anyway.)

So this is obscenely long and it spoils the end of Dear Whoever You Are. (Warning for discussions of pot, homophobic slurs, and references to Lonnie's shittiness.)

I have a lot to say about this story, even though it's short.

I went back and forth with the structure of this one a lot, trying to decide what kind of story I was going to tell. I wrote a lot of the letters in advance based on some of the issues that I thought Will might have or what I thought he might be able to slowly get off his chest, and I moved them around, letting the themes and emotional arc of the story emerge through that process. And what emerged was the story of a very lonely kid who missed his brother quite deeply. I actually didn't set out to make this about Will and Jonathan's relationship, but it revealed itself very naturally and I went with it.

For Will's voice, I didn't want it to read too adult, but I think he's probably a little sophisticated with his writing, you know? Not in every line, but there's a certain way with words and an artistry to some of the way he writes, even though sometimes he really does just sound like a kid--and sometimes he sounds a little younger than he is, since he's expressing a very broad range of emotions in these letters. The lyricism to his writing, though, does not obscure that he's a teenager with teenage concerns (and I think it just makes that trauma-instilled weariness even sadder, since it doesn't actually make him sound like an adult--it makes him sound like a kid aged beyond his years).

What should you know about me? I’m an artist. As in I like to draw and paint, but also that I’m pretty good at it. I want to be a professional artist someday. I’d like to go to school for it. My mom can’t draw. Jonathan is a little better—if he drew a shape, you’d basically recognize it, which is more than I can say for Mom—but not by much. I’m the artist in the family. I have no idea whether Dad can draw. If he’s ever tried. Wouldn’t it be an awful tragedy if he’s got an art prodigy somewhere deep inside him, suffocating under about fifty pounds of shithead and never to be realized because he thinks art is for fags and pussies?

[...]

The thing about dealing with Dad, though, is that it did sort of prepare me for the world. Mostly people are OK, but there are a lot of bullies out there who don’t want you to realize that they don’t actually matter. But Dad was my first bully, and he matters the least, so I know they’re all full of shit, too. I have much bigger problems now anyway. Problems you’re way too young to hear about. The nightmare kind.

This one kind of shows that line I was trying to walk with this piece. He sounds like a kid--he's excited to share his interests, he talks about himself kind of bluntly, and he's really honest in his appraisal. But then it hints at that baggage with Lonnie--like this dark cloud that kind of drifts over his narration. And he kind of appraises Lonnie here, too, and finds him wanting, but he also freely admits that this guy is basically a stranger to him. He's an abstract concept who made him feel bad on the occasions he actually had to deal with him in any kind of real way. But there's a tiny scrap of curiosity left there.

And Will has an edge here. He's not a mean guy, but he's seen a lot of shit by this point and he's really sad and lonely out in California. And as we see later, he does have some anger toward Lonnie, but it's very different from Jonathan's anger and comes from a different place. He's not great at controlling his emotional responses because he's just a kid (and a traumatized one at that), but he has a strong self-awareness, like Jonathan. It's not until near the end, though, that he really opens up about why he's so angry at Lonnie. And even though he's written Lonnie off and knows he's terrible, there's still a part of him that just can't quite accept being used that way.

But I don’t want to lose anyone, so I write it here and keep my lips shut, and I’ll destroy this just like all the letters that I haven’t sent. Not these letters to you, not the ones to Mike that are actually honest, not that one to Dad just so I could tell him properly to go fuck himself for trying to cash in on the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Also:

Do you have a lot of friends? I bet it's easier to make friends in the city. You don't have to be stuck with the same people who hate you from kindergarten on, year after year. I'm sure popularity isn't all it's cracked up to be—even if there was something desperately conciliatory about all of Jonathan's insistence that it's better to be a freak than to conform—but having a few close friends who'll play a ten hour campaign one weekend and save your life the next definitely takes the sting out of adolescence. So try to find those people. It's worth it, even if you do end up spiraling because none of them ever seem to call you anymore.

He tries throughout the whole piece to impart wisdom. It's not even necessarily always great advice, but it's very important to him. And he's very hopeful. Like, at times he's quite moody and sometimes very sad or angry, but there's a lot of hope and possibility and newness in many of his letters. Almost a sense of wonder.

Another things is that Will projects stuff all over this kid. Because he's not really talking to this kid, even though he does have real interest in him. He knows nothing about him and there's not really a strong possibility that he'll ever be more real at any point in the future. But Will is lonely, and he has a lot to get off his chest, and he needs to feel like he's talking to someone. So it's kind of sad, but also kind of astonishingly emotionally healthy. This kid has emotional resources to fall back on because he's been allowed that space to develop them, and he's using them.

My family’s grief destroyed them. I live with that knowledge inside of me, and I still don’t know what to do with it. I think pieces of that grief got tangled up in them along the way, like old netting with vegetation grown through it, and it’s there to stay forever in the landscape, even though I’m right here. Some kind of preemptive fear—like they’re holding their breath because they’ve been through it once so they already know what it will feel like and they’re terrified of ever feeling it again. I guess they don’t think they could survive it a second time. [...]

It’s all very frustrating. But how am I supposed to ask them not to feel that way? Jonathan cried himself to sleep when he thought I was dead. He cried alone, I think, but I don’t know why Mom wasn’t there. I don’t know what music he was listening to—all I heard was the click of the buttons, that familiar thunk of the headphone jack sliding home and the way his stereo whirred with a tape playing, so I knew he was listening to something—but I imagined it for myself. Something low and beautiful, maybe kind of weird—one of those sad, moody songs that I thought was a little boring compared to The Clash, too slow. (Jonathan really likes The Clash. He likes a lot of music no one has heard of. You probably don’t know them either. He never listens to them anymore, though.) Anyway, something slow, maybe—something I remembered just enough to hum for myself. Anything to drown out his despair and loneliness while I was freezing, starving, and hiding. Not because it was noisy, really—but because it was so quiet, like he wasn’t even allowed. I didn’t know that near-silence could hurt worse than a sob.

[...] I just knew that my brother was in pain and I couldn’t reach him. That I’d never really heard him cry like that before—like he couldn’t even breathe. If I could have seen through the veil, I know it would have been even worse. But there was something awful about only hearing the echoes of it, at the time. It made me feel almost as helpless as the monster did. Like hearing Mom falling apart even though I was so close, wanting to scream myself hoarse about how I was alive but keeping quiet so I wouldn’t die.

I wavered over whether to include this section because it's so dark and heavy, but ultimately I kept it because I really wanted to honor the horror that Will suffered and get his perspective on an aspect of it that I think gets overlooked very often. He had a front-row seat to his family's suffering. He knows exactly how much he means to them. And that must be a very heavy thing to live with, especially at that age, and especially on top of his own trauma and his own feelings. No matter how he feels or what he's experiencing, it must be there in the back of his mind. How will this affect my family? What will it do to them? Is it worth putting them through this or should I just be silent and spare them this pain? Which is exactly the opposite of what Joyce and Jonathan wanted to instill in him, but now he's a part of this terrible cycle that the two of them are trapped in, and he's hiding things from them because they have their own problems and he can't be the cause of any more. He just can't. Yet in some ways it's just part of this burgeoning independence that he's fighting for--he really wants to be allowed the room to figure things out for himself, even though it's somewhat painful and he feels lost once he gains that space.

You probably don’t like girls yet. Or maybe you’re like me. I hope you’re not like me. It’s a lot.

He also hints kind of a bunch of times that he's gay--so it's definitely a thing that he's firmly aware of, but he's not ready, until one of those last letters, to say it. But it's huge for him when he's able to commit it to paper and see it written out like that, even though he burns that letter, too. It's a big victory.

Besides, I hate the cold. I don’t remember a lot about Dad, but I remember thinking that he never seemed to feel the cold. He was always outside in December without a jacket, without sleeves—not that I knew him for many Decembers—and it would annoy my mom. She thought we would get ideas, I think. But he didn’t seem to notice the temperature or care when it started to snow. Like the world would just bend to his will and he didn’t have to acknowledge anything inconvenient about it. I bet he could freeze to death and still be thinking about cars and how his only real problem was that his kids were disappointments.

I like this bit because I think Will doesn't have a ton of memories of Lonnie, and this one isn't even Lonnie being abusive--it's just Lonnie being kind of a child and a bit of a prick. But it also explicitly draws a parallel between Lonnie and the Mind-Flayer in that he remembers them both as drawn to the cold, and he has that negative, traumatic association with the cold now. So it's very in-your-face, maybe too much so, but I think you can see Will kind of working this out for himself through the text and processing that uncomfortable truth. Like, IRL, we can analyze all of that and draw our own conclusions of the symbolism and implications presented in the series, but even in-universe, Will is kind of like yeah nope there's something off about this.

Did you know that when you cook chicken soup, you’re supposed to skim it? There’s some kind of layer of gross stuff that floats to the top. Mom is learning to cook more, and she didn’t know that. She kept wondering why it was coming out weird, but Jonathan didn’t say anything until the third batch, even though it turned out he knew the problem and the solution all along. (He knows how to cook more things than she does, and they tend to come out better when he does it.) I guess he was just planning to keep eating the weird soup. El didn’t even notice, of course. There’s basically nothing that she won’t eat. Jonathan is the same, really. I’m not even sure he tastes his food sometimes.

I just really like this bit. I think it says a lot about Jonathan, his role in the house, and the emotional and mental place he's in during the story. But I wanted to show that through 1) something kind of mundane and 2) Will's observations.

I stole a joint out of his room the other day. But I didn’t see what the big deal was. It smelled gross unlit, smelled disgusting while it was burning, and it made my whole chest hurt when I inhaled. I had to brush my teeth twice to get the taste out of my mouth, and my sinuses ached and burned for hours. I ended up flushing most of it down the toilet. It just made me jittery anyway, and then I got bummed out because he didn’t even notice. Didn’t notice that I was weird and didn’t notice that his pot was missing.

He didn’t used to be like this, I swear.

This is just really sad, I think. Like, on the one hand, I think it shows totally normal curiosity about drugs; he has access, he knows Jonathan is using them so they can't be that bad, and he does want to know. But there's also a part of him that's maybe hoping he'll get what Jonathan sees in it, or that maybe they can bond over it, or maybe even that it'll help him if Jonathan is so in love with it or whatever. But that's just not what he gets out of it, and he's left very frustrated and further alienated from his brother. But that He didn't used to be like this, I swear is just very, very heartbreaking, to me.

And on that note, I'm circling back to the beginning now to get more into Jonathan's side of things.

When my mom told us about you, Jonathan looked like he was going to puke. Then he looked empty. He’s mostly been high ever since, so I don’t really know how he feels about you.

This is spoilery to point out, but I hope it's one of those bits that hits different on reread. Because it's set up like Jonathan's response to this information is from a place of shock, since we're processing this reaction from Will's POV and this is news to Will. But Jonathan already knows here. So he's actually experiencing an entirely different set of emotions that Will has no context for and can't really perceive, let alone understand; he's feeling a lot of guilt from the tough choices he made, even though they weren't really choices at all because what the hell else could he have done? It's just bringing up a lot of bad stuff for him, and he's uncomfortable with the whole situation. Will has no way of knowing this, and Jonathan at no point sheds light on his feelings or perspective.

Another thing that I was trying to do was show Will's shifting mood via his salutations and closings. He almost always says Your big brother because he's trying really hard to put on this confident, loving big brother air--he really wants to lean into this role and he's very accepting of it. He's almost downright thirsting for this opportunity--especially because he has all this love to share and it feels like no one is receptive to it at the moment. He plays with these greetings and closings a few times when he's in high spirits (yours gayly, yours excitedly), but there are times when he's a little terse, too. Hey Kid, or just Yours, or Kid, or Sincerely, or no closing at all except Will.

And I really wanted to contrast that with the structure of Jonathan's letter. He greets David very simply, with an almost shy familiarity but without that ingratiation Will attempts. Right away, it's different because he knows this kid's name. So either some time has passed and they've learned new information or he had this information all along--and he quickly reveals that it's the latter. And while his closing is warm and kind, it is in no way familiar or open like Will's. It's really very distant and just short of almost formal. This is not a relationship he's trying to form or a door he's opening, but rather a chapter that he's trying to close in the least-shitty way possible. He signs it Jonathan and leaves it at that.

And that leads me into the thing about his letter that I really wanted to come through above all. He's trying very hard not to claim this kid as his family. He's not comfortable with this at all, but he'd do anything for Will, and this is what Will wants. This is a stranger to him, and he'd like to keep it that way, even as he offers up what he can--even as what he offers is somewhat painful in a very understated way, where you have to really read between the lines to see how he feels about it. He straight-up says, more or less, that their connection is through Will. Like, technically they're related, but he introduces himself as Will's brother first and foremost--right away, he's clearly not particularly open to the possibility of a relationship.

It seemed important to Will that I try this, so here goes nothing. Will is your brother. I’m Will’s brother. I guess I’m your brother, too.

Will felt an immediate kinship with and curiosity about this kid--maybe because of the mystery and distance, but maybe he would have felt the same if they'd met--but Jonathan has met him, and it's a memory from kind of a shitty period of his life, and more than that, it just represents a lot of baggage for him. David was never his responsibility--there is literally nothing he could have done for this kid and there was no possibility of a relationship at the time either--and there's an extent to which he's trying to tell himself this, but he can't quite internalize it as truth even as he's very honest about this, even kind of blunt. Shockingly blunt, almost. (Like, he's definitely not dumping his baggage on this stranger, but he says things that he would definitely not share with his family.) He feels like he abandoned this kid. He's always been someone's big brother, and he's always had responsibilities well beyond what he should have, so of course he feels this way. But he does take kind of a healthy, pragmatic view of it. He's like, well, what could I have done? And it's ambiguous whether he's stating a fact or trying to convince himself or maybe even trying to plead his case to David.

There's this real air of weariness and almost melancholy to it that he could kind of hide or distract from, maybe, in person, but it's hard to hide it in writing. He's also clearly not totally aware of the implications of some of what he's saying because... that's just his life. So parts of it read more disturbing than he probably intended--something that a kid wouldn't catch, that even an older teen might not catch, but that maybe Kim would notice.

You seemed healthy and happy, as best I could tell, though I don’t think there’s much I could have done if you hadn’t. But I decided not to worry about you because that was just one more thing than I could handle. Your mom seemed to have it covered. I had enough responsibilities already. I hope you understand. (Actually, I hope you don’t understand. I hope you have no idea what I mean.) You were clinging to her legs, but you weren’t hiding behind them. So I knew you felt safe with her, but you weren’t afraid. You looked like Will, only blond. A really young Will, just a little younger than the Will in the first photographs I took—the ones my mom still has. (If you want to know what Will looks like, go look in the mirror and imagine you have brown hair.) Your eyes were brighter, though. I knew (hoped) you’d be OK.

What's brutally sad about Jonathan's letter, I think, is how different his priorities are in comparison to Will's. Will is thinking about this kid's identity and his interests and even, to some extent, his future. He wants to know who this kid is and what they might have in common, and he's full of what-ifs. He does think about his emotional well-being and his safety (whether Lonnie is mean to him, whether he's bullied at school, whether he has friends), but not as much.

Whereas Jonathan, who couldn't have been older than fourteen or fifteen tops when they met, looked at this child and clearly did an immediate inventory of his physical well-being, and he very carefully tried to discern whether it seemed like he had much contact with Lonnie or whether he was safe with his own mom (whom Jonathan only knew, so far, as someone he was meeting through Lonnie, whose associates usually sucked ass and were generally dangerous). He needed to know whether this kid was walking out the door with someone who would neglect and/or abuse him because that's what Lonnie would do and what a lot of his friends would do. Jonathan cared about whether this kid seemed properly fed, had clean clothes, seemed generally well-cared for--whether his demeanor was fearful, whether he had any visible injuries or showed signs that he might have non-visible injuries, whether he was reactive toward Lonnie or seemed like he'd spent a lot of time in that house. It's sad for a host of reasons--from the fact that he feels the need to do this to the fact that he knows roughly what to look for and how to spot it.

He's very analytical about this--like, okay, this kid is clinging to her legs because she represents safety to him and Lonnie's place is scary and overwhelming, but he doesn't seem fearful generally so he'll probably be fine once he's away from Lonnie and he's not afraid of her. It's heartbreaking that he feels this is necessary and that he's not wrong to do it. Will, as compassionate and sensitive as he is, would simply not notice many of these things (or at least not think to look for them) because it's not how he's had to think, necessarily. Because he was, to some extent though certainly not as much as Joyce and Jonathan would have preferred, insulated from this and because he's never had to look out for someone else's needs (or not the same way). Meanwhile Jonathan is checking trunks for his brother's body. So there's a fundamental difference in perspective there that Jonathan can never really get away from. The world is not a safe place; don't ever take safety for granted.

And there's something really defeated about how he approaches this--he can't not evaluate this stuff, but he's keenly aware that he's pretty helpless in the face of it because he's just a kid himself. He has no power here, and even if he did, it's just too much for him emotionally on top of taking care of Will, helping out Joyce (who was presumably in a very bad place around this time), and raising himself. His concerns are extremely pragmatic--no more than that. He can't afford more than that. So he does care, but he really has no more to give. (And they're related, yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean some instant and unshakeable bond--that's just not what happens a lot of the time, and I think it's perfectly legitimate and fair to have that reaction instead of the more storybook one. Especially in circumstances like these. It also just doesn't resonate the same way for him because it doesn't represent any big paradigm shift for him--he's already someone's big brother, and there's no great wonder here like Will has. Whereas Will kind of sees an opportunity to reinvent himself, and it's also an opportunity to try on some more responsibility, which he's desperate to be given.)

But Kim seems nice. So he tells himself that it will be okay, and he has to believe this because he knows what Lonnie is like and what he's capable of. And this kid looks just like his little brother, whom he cares for more than anything in the world. He literally sees Will in him. So it's a small guilt that just kind of lodges in places and crystallizes. He's also like if you want to know what Will looks like, go look in the mirror, but he doesn't offer much about himself. Very intentionally.

Your eyes were brighter, though is just one of those lines that's actually really dark when you think about it. He's saying that he knows Will has suffered, despite his best efforts. Will doesn't have quite that same awareness that Jonathan does, but he's by no means naive or untouched; he's also an abused child and he comes from a deeply trouble home and he's bullied at school. He's sad and he carries a certain heaviness within him, even though he's got this bright and sweet disposition, and Jonathan can read it on his face. He sees his pain. But this kid, whom Jonathan knows nothing about except what he can observe in this brief window of time, looks brighter and happier than his little brother, whom he loves more than anything and anyone in the world. Whom he would do anything to protect and whom he wants desperately to shield from the ugliness that he's had to face. So it's a very painful comparison, but there's also something brutally pragmatic about it. He's saying, I can't help you, and you don't really need me the way Will does.

(Kim, if you’re reading this, I thought you were pretty cool. You gave me a stick of gum and said you liked my Clash t-shirt. You looked me in the eyes, instead of past me or anything else, and you talked to me like a person. I appreciate it more now than I did at the time; I was pretty angry back then. Thanks for not taking it personally.)

I really wanted it to be a nice, uneventful memory. Like, okay, he learned he has this little brother, he learned that Dad definitely cheated on Mom, but none of this is really a shock and it's not particularly emotional for anyone. It's just a thing that happened. She was decent to him. He was probably a little rude to her in a vague disgruntled teenage way, but not dramatic, and it's understandable, even though he's clearly a little embarrassed about it now. But you can see a lot about the kind of person she probably was and what that would have meant to Jonathan, who basically had no support in his life at this time, to be treated with respect by an adult--because it implies that he's not used to being treated with respect by adults, at least when he visits Lonnie. Which is in itself very sad. But I really wanted to show him something reassuring and to just have someone treat him decently. And that scrap of basic decency felt like a lot to him.

And from the way your mom looked at Lonnie, I know she didn’t let him into your life. I hope you know she did it to protect you and that you’re better off without him, but in case you didn’t, now you do. Dad sucks. Don’t worry about him. He’s not worth your energy.

He really says very little about this guy, but it's haunting the whole letter. There are undertones of this pain all throughout. Jonathan is keenly aware that this is their point of connection, and in some ways very open about what he thinks of Lonnie--certainly much more open here than he ever is with Will about it. So there's a way in which he's revealing more here than he feels like he can with his family, even though he's still not willing to open up to this kid and doesn't want a relationship. But he's not really softening things as much as he might with Will. And while it's not stated in the story, no, I don't feel like he let Will read this letter before he sent it and I don't think he shared any of this information with him. Nor did he tell Will that he already knew about David.

So he's leaving the door open, but ultimately he's hoping that it stays shut. At least at this point in his life--probably trying to tie up loose ends, before Vecna is defeated, and so with a lot of uncertainty hanging over him.

So. That was my interpretation of Lonnie potentially having another kid. Mostly as a lens through which I could explore Will's relationships with his family and with himself. And Jonathan was always going to know--that's kind of his role within the family, you know? He's burdened with all this terrible knowledge that he shouldn't have, and he just has to live with it and make the best of things. But I really wanted to show how differently they both responded to this information and why.

#answered asks #director's commentary #long post #very long post #dear whoever you are

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humblemediagenius · 6 months

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It's au guys ask time >:) one 📻 for that song meme, and skin, break and future for the not-so-nice oc meme >:3

GENE YOU ARE MAKING ME WRITE SO MUCH BUT IT’S WORTH IT BECAUSE I AM INSANE OVER THESE TWO YAY

Song: mememe by 100 Gecs

I know I already sent you a different 100 gecs song that was on their playlist but I’m sending you another one because I am insane. Besides the fact that this is absolutely the type of music Luna listens to, I just think the lyrics fit these two PERFECTLY. Like, I interpreted the song to be about a breakup from a unattentive / uncaring partner and I don’t think that applies to Zeke and Luna’s relationship, but rather applies to their relationship with their ex-boss and with their hosts. It’s a big plot point that the two of them figure out who they both really are, and the traits that make them who they are as their own individuals is blatantly looked over by their ex-boss (and the canon counterparts to their hosts, to an extent). So it feels like the type of message they’d want to be heard, that they feel like their experiences aren’t important…….. ough. I even did a drawing to this song, I think it fits them that well. also yeah just 100 gecs is au guys core music IDK what else to say on that

ok now for the other ask game:

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them -a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

WELL. The AU guys take that one phrase “the human skin is hard to live in” to the next level because they are literally living inside human bodies but aren’t human themselves. Over time I think both of them have kind of accepted their fate, but they don’t exactly like it overall. Luna has somewhat grown to appreciate their host and appearance, but Zeke has actually gotten less comfortable with it. He hates the color red because of that jacket he had to wear for so long. They don’t HATE the skin they’re in but they don’t LOVE it either. But then again, it’s all they’ve ever known, so even if they DID get freed from their hosts they probably would base their appearances on their hosts (especially after they start dressing and acting like themselves).

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

God, this is hard to think about because the AU guys are generally lighthearted and not getting into situations like this. I know for sure Zeke could (and honestly probably will at some point) reach his own breaking point because he’s repressed everything he hates about being in a host and acting like someone else. He’s jealous of Luna and how they’re so confident about everything they do, and he is so SICK of that jacket. So after months, maybe even over a year of holding it all in he finally snaps and breaks down. Zeke is typically very monotone, calm, collected— so you may or may not be surprised to hear that he is an emotional WRECK. I mean, ugly sobbing, shaking, barely able to coherently speak. He holds a lot in, not just his thoughts but emotions in general. Luna is obviously the only person to see him like this, and also the only one to help him get in a better place.

Luna, on the other hand, I don’t feel would realistically get to their lowest. They’re very flexible. I think the only thing that’d ever cause them to feel that way if Zeke, like, died or something (and vice versa for Zeke as well), but that obviously isn’t happening.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Well the worst possible future that could have happened to them would have been if a certain ex-boss of theirs continued to mind control them and not let them break away; if it weren’t for them, they probably would have taken over Rackethill by now. In the story they’ve basically already avoided this fate, but they’re very much aware that 1) it very much could have happened, 2) it ALMOST really did happen and 3) they are never ever going back there again. I feel like Zeke especially panics about the fact it almost happened because for many months before Luna got their host, he was being mind controlled and he did not like it at all.

#seaspeak #oc tag #ask #i love the au guys this is all you guys get to know before it gets more complicated /lh lh

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gallaghercest · 2 years

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Lyric Analysis - Moscow Rules

Hello, everyone! This is probably my first post in years - I believe that getting front row in Knebworth + Liam’s new album made me feel reconnected to Oasis again. This post is about my - probably - favourite tune from C`mon You Know. Probably one of the best things a Gallagher has released (ever). In my opinion, Moscow Rules has two possible interpretations. The first one would be a post-war context, where Liam directly talks to/about a guy who went to war and from the moment this guy gets home after war to these days, he’s got nothing, cause the war took everything he had. Actually, that’s the interpretation that I believe that is the real one. Like, the one the writers had in mind when they wrote this. Aaaand there’s the other one, which is... Noel. Again, I know the song wasn’t written planned to be about him, but if we didn’t have our imagination, what we could have? :) Please, find below the analysis.

Home again But in your dreams you creep back to the wire Tell the truth or something close They'll just call you a liar And when it's done you can't even retire Back on the run, back in the line of fire

For the full understanding of this lyrics analysis, I first need to clear that, instead of the war being an actual war, I would say that the war was Oasis, indeed. Liam and Noel were always fighting for a bigger cause that they didn’t even know what it was, aka just an excuse to show who had more power and control under the other/the band. I could say that I can go deeper and say that the war is Oasis in the final years - 2008 to 2009, since that’s when the shit hit the fan. The first two lines, to me, could be about Noel finally quitting Oasis (home again), but still, his mind keeps wandering back to Liam/Oasis itself. Something that he can’t really help. I’m still analysing the two following lines, since, to me, they could speak both for Noel and Liam himself. If they’re about Liam, it could be about the media attacks right after Oasis split, when Noel and every single soul on the planet would blame him for the split. If they are related to Noel, I’d say they’re in a nowadays context, where the tables have turned and the media and every single soul on the planet is against Noel. A kind of karma effect in mind, since now Noel is tasting his own poison. “And when it’s done, you can’t even retire” - even though Noel and Liam are successful musicians, they can’t simply retire cause the bills keep coming - don’t get me wrong, I know they have a shitload of money, but IIRC, Liam recently said that we would like to retire and live a peaceful life but he can’t manage to do that. Period. Perhaps, the retirement itself has a psychological meaning - retire from the Oasis memories and everything they went through, which would emphasise the first two lines - and the last one as well.

Turn the page and burned the book The day we said goodbye, I walked alone And looked ahead, avoided all the eyes But when it's dead it doesn't even die

These bunch of lines to me are not even about Liam and Noel’s emotional split - which, to me, occurred around ‘96-’97 (and I’ve already talked about it a lot in my previous posts), they are about Oasis split, again. When Oasis broke up, Liam immediately knew that he could not let that stop him - that’s why Beady Eye was formed only a couple of hours Noel walked away. Liam avoided all the eyes, first cause as I said, everyone was blaming him, and secondly cause it seemed like Beady Eye was chased (in a terrible way) by the media, no matter how Liam put effort in the band, everyone would say it was a lame band. WHICH IS NOT TRUE, OK?!?!? Please, respect me, I’m Beady Eye’s #1 fan. Also, may I add that “I walked alone [...] avoided all the eyes” can be about the hidden meaning of Oasis breaking up - which is, too, an emotional break up, from Noel to Liam. Massacring Oasis’ existence was the final step of Noel’s ““revenge””, the last straw, indeed. That was, to Liam, far more personal than just putting the band away, it was a way of telling him that no matter how beautiful things they lived in the past, it was Over. and “avoiding all the eyes” would be a way to don’t let the sadness regarding Noel to show up. “But when it’s dead, it doesn’t even die”, again, can be about Oasis, since you can’t murder something so huge and get away with it/let people forget about it, or their feelings for each other. Even after almost 13 years of the split, they can’t get over each other, because that they have will always live. And I quote Liam:

“Me and him are brothers and we will never be over. In the back of my mind, there was always a way back. Me and him will go on forever, and beyond…beyond ... beyond this time. It will go on forever and ever.”

That’s most likely my favourite Liam quote.

Nothing's new, nothing's cool Here again and baby, we're both fools

Nothing new happens regarding they getting over the other, the cycle always seems to repeat itself (”here again”) the beef continues and Liam knows, indeed, they are both idiots for being to proud to not reach out, expecting that, as mentioned in the previous lines, their thing will someday “die” and they will be happy to move on without each other, since that scenario would be nonsense.

Follows me, follows you It's the same Moscow rules Lonely man, I think you're never alone Even at home The empty seat across the table is staring back

That’s what I’m talking about! Just like a war keeps track on someone forever, becoming a real trauma, the feeling of love, the memories they shared, Oasis - everything, they follow Liam and follow Noel, just like a ghost, a kind of haunting. Just for the record, The Moscow Rules are:

Assume nothing. Never go against your gut. Everyone is potentially under opposition control. Do not look back; you are never completely alone. Go with the flow, blend in. Vary your pattern and stay within your cover. Lull them into a sense of complacency. Do not harass the opposition. Pick the time and place for action. Keep your options open. In the actual war context I mentioned, I believe this line would be regarding the trauma the war caused to the man Liam’s talking to/about - the man keeps thinking about these rules forever, repeatedly, even after the war is over. Liam and Noel, somehow, are inside a war against each other since 2009. To me, the Moscow Rules are like a guide that teaches someone how to be strategic and a cold person, not ruled by their feelings. So Liam and Noel are following these rules ever since they broke up. Treating each other not like humans, but as war opponents. Which sucks, to be really honest. I believe this song is actually about how every battle eventually comes to an end, but theirs seems to never finish. From “Lonely man” onwards: from the first moment I listened to those lines I could only imagine Noel sitting at Peggy’s house at the same table they all used to dine, and seeing Liam’s seat empty and doing nothing to change it. That can apply to the dining table of his own house too, to be honest. And, clearly, even though the seat is empty, he can still see Liam on it, staring at him with the pair of eyes Noel loves so much - have you ever realised how many times Noel mentions “eyes” in his songs?

Overcast, can't see the sun But I can see the moon Paralysed by memories of ruined afternoons Get outta bed and come sing us a tune

SO WON’T YOU LET ME HAVE MY HEAD AND THEN I CAN SEE THE SUUUUUUN? Just kidding. Noel can only see the moon - this part is kinda of obvious, since the night is always the perfect time to get sad about everything. Noel can’t see the warmth in life anymore, just the darkness around. ”Paralysed by memories of ruined afternoons” - paralysed by the memories of when things were perfect but, for reasons as pride and cockyness, either of them would fuck everything up just to, again, prove who was the more powerful among them. ”Get outta bed and come us sing a tune” - get out of depressive thoughts (or even lazyness) and reform O-fucking-asis please Noel Liam is once more BEGGING you.

Nothing's new, nothing's cool Here again and baby, we're both fools

Follows me, follows you It's the same Moscow rules Lonely man, I think you're never alone Even at home The empty seat across the table is staring back

That’s it, basically. Thank you for coming to my TED Talks, feel free to send me asks about it and share your opinions on these magnificent lyrics. Don’t forget to reblog too because I’ve been non-stop writing for 45 minutes and I wish I can get some acknowledgment on that. Cheers!

#Liam Gallagher #Oasis #Noel Gallagher #c'mon you know #c'mon you know era #lyric analysis #gallaghercest #moscow rules

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kouros-herc · 1 year

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Sunday, November 6 — Soundtrack to Your Life: Create a playlist that reflects a significant story moment for your character (a past thread, a childhood memory, etc). 10 songs with descriptions.

One Step Closer - The Soundtrack of the build up, and aftermath of Hercules moving to Swynlake, told through conversations Hercules overheard. [Listen Here]

A warning in advance I make NO apology for the complete lack of genre or cohesion we’re doing lyric vibes fam.

Trigger Warnings: References to bullying, and depression.

1. Aretha, Rumer

I got Aretha in the morning High on my headphones and walking to school I got the blues in springtime 'cause I know that I'll never have the right shoes Momma she'd notice but she's always crying I got no one to confide in, Aretha nobody but you

“Kssssht. Why does Kouros never take those stupid headphones off?” “Probably ‘cause he’s not got any actual friends to talk to?” “Jesus he’s pathetic.”

2. One Step Closer, Linkin Park

I cannot take this anymore I'm saying everything I've said before All these words they make no sense

...

Everything you say to me Takes me one step closer to the edge And I'm about to break

“Oi Kouros are you ignooooooring me? Why you being so fucking rude Dorkules?” “Well maybe he just can’t understand it when normal people talk, yeah, with all his special Maaaaaaaaagic.” “Or he’s just fucking stupid.” “Yeah probably that one, he’s thick as shit.”

3. The Mess I Made, Parachute

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made I'm staring at the mess I made I'm staring at the mess I made As you turn, you take your heart and walk away

“I’m sorry Mrs Kouros but you should have seen the state of the science lab. It was downright dangerous to the other students!” “Our son is not dangerous! He’s being bullied!” “Regardless, his reaction was simply not appropriate!”

4. CORALINE, Maneskin

And Coraline cries, Coraline is anxious, Coraline wants the sea but she’s afraid of the water, And maybe sea is inside her, And every word is an axe, a wound on the back, Like a raft sailing on a swollen river, And maybe the river is inside her, inside her

“Violent. Violent! That’s what they’re calling out son, Tasso! They think he’s dangerous.” “I know, I know.” “He’s not dangerous! He’s our son!”

5. Uncomfortably Slow, Newton Faulkner

So, don't take my photograph 'Cause I don't wanna know How it looks to feel like this

As cars and people pass It feels like standing still but I know I'm just moving uncomfortably slow, yeah, slow

“’Erco, you’re sure you don’t want to see any of your friends before we move? Sweetheart?”

“He says he doesn’t want to see anyone... he just keeps staring at the wall. I don’t like it.”

6. Morning Elvis, Florence & The Machine

If I make it to the morning I should've come with a warning And if I make it to the stage I'll show you what it means to be sad

Oh, you know I'm still afraid I'm still crazy and I'm still scared

“Ok, well can you pop these boxes in your room, ‘Erco. I have to get to work on time, ok?”

“New neighbour. Nice lady, got a son too, quiet kid though, haven’t heard him say a word yet actually.”

7. This is on me, Ben Abraham & Sara Bareilles

How a silence can be so deceiving And so we've begun the crawl trying to break the fall Some kind of wrecking ball we turned out to be This is on me Caught at the ending and all I have is the hurt

“I miss you too Tasso my darling. But it’s nearly the holidays, and we can come home for a week, can’t we. That’ll be fun, right Hercules?”

“He hasn’t made any friends you know... not a single one. I don’t know if we did the right thing... well I know we didn’t really have a choice but...”

8. Numb, Linkin Park

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface Don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you I've become so numb I can't feel you there Become so tired

“Mrs Kouros, hi. We were wondering if we could have a word about Hercules actually... yeah, it just doesn’t really seem like he’s settled very well. Has he talked to you about anything?”

“I... I know. He never - I’m sorry - he never even smiles at home any more. I don’t know what to do.”

9. I Need Something to Believe in, Newton Faulkner

I need something to believe in 'Cause I don't believe in myself And I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore And I don't mind anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in 'Cause I ain't trusting myself I'm scared of failure, so scared of success I guess, it'll all work out

“Maybe he just needs something else? You know? Right now he’s trapped in his head, maybe doing something instead of just sitting around being miserable would help?”

“It’s like he’s not even our son anymore, Tasso. I know he was always struggled a bit with people but...”

10. Proud of Your Boy, Adam Jacobs

I've wasted time I've wasted me So say I'm slow for my age A late bloomer, okay, I agree

That I've been one rotten kid Some son, some pride and some joy But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times

You'll see, ma, now comes the better part Someone's gonna make good cross his stupid heart Make good and finally make you Proud of your boy

“I think, I think actually he’s really enjoying this athletics stuff? And did you know he’s looking for jobs?”

#swynwrimo #swynwrimoLaura #tw bullying #tw depression

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sheepwasfound · 3 years

Text

dnf moments caught from within the chaos (every single one)

march 10th george alt stream

***

first video:

00:11:40-00:12:30 "is that george from dreamhunt?"

00:20:37-00:21:10 g:"me and dream argue about the stupidest things"

(many good sap/gogy sibling moments! and then...)

00:26:49 dream joins in secret and george tries to figure it out

00:27:26 dream gives himself away with a chuckle

00:27:55-00:29:00 "i was watching George's stream, i didn't even know you were streaming"

00:34:08-00:34:45 lil uk travel ban talk

00:36:46 g:"'late nights in the middle of june' this is true x2"

00:37:52-00:38:10 1.5 inches elephant still on george's desk

00:40:56-00:41:12 dream chuckling going "george is so salty"

00:49:04 dream hasn't paid george the $1,000 from geoguessr

00:49:50 dream tries to get george to play geoguessr

00:50:18-00:50:45 george tells dream about dreamhunt guy

00:53:37 d:"im on literally negative sleep"

00:55:57 g:"'tell dream you love him' no."

00:56:27-00:57:00 g:"'george you're the hottest piece of ass in dreamhunt' is that true dream?", d:"maybe it is" + "you're such an idiot"

00:57:14-00:57:54 dream tries to think of who in one direction each one of them are, can't choose for george

00:59:12 d:"he's like the most annoying person on the planet" (prob cus he can't focus on chess cus of gogy)

01:17:36 sapnap doesn't reply to george, dream replies immediately

01:19:26-01:19:40 + 01:21:56-01:22:50 talking about george exposing dream for the s*x tiktok

01:24:13 g:"ok i'm gonna go get water. dream, entertain my stream."

01:29:55-01:32:00 george and sapnap argue over servers, simp dream settles it w/ a "coin flip" (rigged)

01:33:40-01:34:50 sapnap waited for dream to wake up for burger day, s:"george wishes he coulda been a part of that"

01:36:12 d:"i was actually writing lyrics this morning"

01:40:37-01:42:12 stonks talk g:"what do i invest in?" d:"me"

(dreamnap moments interval here...)

01:50:14 s:"should i tweet out a picture of your girlfriend george?", d:"it's gonna be like a picture of my yt icon"

01:52:11-01:52:43 d:"'dnf arc'? yeah maybe", g:"is it a joke to you?"

01:52:57-01:53:11 sapnap and dream don't send george good morning texts & it upsets him

01:53:13-01:53:45 george didn't laugh at dream's joke, so dream calls him out for not paying attention

01:53:51 g:"'pretty privilege is real and you have it!' is this true dream?" d:"yeah. yeah"

01:54:13-01:54:55 sapnap accusing george of having a girlfriend, g:“dream, should we just tell them?”

01:59:30-01:59:50 g:“’can you say bleepbleep dream?’ no i can’t say that”, d:”just say it. george.”

02:02:00 g:“’is it true quackity and dream constantly fight for your love?’ it’s true”

02:02:10-02:03:00 d:”we were in our, like, linked arc. except for opposites …attract”

02:03:30 dream starts going through his texts with george

02:04:30 d:”my favorite number is…one second, i’m pulling up my george contact”

02:05:35-02:06:20 dream reads out their texts about waking up at the same time & having s*x

02:06:33-02:08:00 george’s “ayo muffin man” text to dream where he asked if he could make a joke about dream’s cheating drama, d:”you were being a good friend”

02:07:02 g:”we don’t text that much” d:”we text, like, everyday, but…”

02:08:36 first video ends

***

second video:

00:10:35 george shoots dnf on a wall, d:”you’re so dumb”, s:”what?”, d:”george”

00:14:30 g:”dream come baaaaackk”

00:16:22 dream in the bg laughing alone “this text is so funny! this text is amazing” (note: he started going through their texts, like, 20 mins ago)

00:17:25-00:17:58 george’s first text to dream: “hi loser”, sapnap asking about his first text, d:”that’s different”

00:20:38-00:21:00 s:”maybe if you were watching my stream instead of watching george’s all the time” + s:“maybe if you weren’t in your, like, dnf arc all the time”

00:22:40-00:23:15 g:“’george and dream’s brotherly relationship is so iconic’ brotherly?”, d:”someone in chat said ‘the alabama arc’”

00:26:05-00:26:30 pickle dick g:”dick-…dip his hands in the pickle jar”

00:27:05 d:”you’re an idiot george, you’re such a, you’re such a dick”

00:30:29-00:41:45 discussion about covid travel rules and george going to florida, george heatedly going through every possible trick to get there but dream being responsible about it

00:34:00 g:”dream, get me a private jet”

00:34:56 g:”i’ll just stay”, d:”for how long?”, g:”forever.”

00:36:13 gnf charity for private jet and then george will grapple down from a helicopter, d:”you’re such an idiot x2”

00:36:51 g:”i’m not actually joking” + g:”no it’s not impossible!” *checks cost of a private jet*

00:38:20 d:”you need to double it cus you have to go back” g:”i’m not going back. i’m not going back”

00:38:38 about deportation g:”dream, you can just protect me dream, just don’t let them take me away”

00:39:29 about deportation g:”then what if i never go back, what if i just never go back?”

00:40:01 g:”wait i have an idea dream. what if you just married me?” s:”you’re not allowed to marry someone to get them in the country”, g:”well that’s not the only reason”

00:41:13 g:”’sounds like dream doesn’t wanna meet you’ yeah he doesn’t”

00:43:43 g:”to be fair you are in your silly goose arc”, d:”i’m not in any goose arc” *mutual giggling*

00:44:45-00:45:25 discussion about obama escorting george on his private jet

00:47:38 dono:“you visiting dream is not a no, it’s a not yet”

00:50:21 g:”’just admit it, you’re madly in love with dream and you’re using this as an excuse to marry him’ no. this is false”, g:”i’m in my hating dream arc right now” d:”well, i mean … it’s about to be in a different arc though”

00:50:40 finishing each other’s sentences

00:50:50 s:”i wish karl was here.”, s:”at least i would have someone to be like, in love with, jesus”

00:51:29 d:”sapnap third wheel arc” s:”you guys may flirt and stuff, but me and you have physical s*x” d:”oh my goddd, what the hell?! that’s too far!”

00:54:43 sapnap teasing george about being able to cuddle dream, g:”i don’t care, i don’t care”

00:56:27 george teasing sapnap about having a gf again, s:”you have a dream”

00:56:43 g:”should i play geoguessr?” d:”oh, yes!”

00:57:07 d:”i’m exhausted and i’m laying in bed” (but he’s still staying)

(00:58:30 geoguessr starts, they’re tired and argue a lot)

01:00:48 arguing about colors g:”well you’re wrong” d:”maybe- actually maybe i think that’s- actually you’re right”

01:03:27 george was going to do geoguessr with wilbur today, but is too tired now

01:07:55 d:”if you had asked, i would’ve told you” g:”i didn’t wanna ask, i did it myself” *sassy*

01:13:55 george missed dream’s joke and he called him out for it again

01:17:00 g:”i’m not buying a maid dress” d:*silence*

01:20:10 g:“’dream we need your support to get george in a maid dress’ what do you think dream?”, d:*silence*

01:21:53 g:”you know what dream? i trust you”, d:”no, don’t trust me!”

01:22:50 dono:”when you asked dream if you should wear a maid dress, the silence was so loud” d:*silence*

01:23:23 after george makes a dumb voice d:”why are you reading like that?”, d:”i’m about to leave” (spoiler: he doesn’t leave, just stops looking for 30 secs)

01:24:10 g:”what do you mean you’re not even looking?”, g:”why, do you hate me?”, d:”you were being in your annoying arc”

01:34:28 dono:”do you have a song that makes you think of dream?”, d:”probably heat waves”, + george saying he doesn’t think of dream when listening to songs and dream not buying it

01:36:40 dream replying for him that george’s most listened to travis scott song is goosebumps (aka “their song”)

01:39:50 george confirms goosebumps is his most listened to travis scott song

01:42:26 d:”this is the last game im playing with you”, d:”cus i don’t wanna play with you anymore” (spoiler: it’s not the last one)

01:45:52 g:”alright one more”, d:”no i said i’d-…ok fine whatever one more” (spoiler: it’s not just one more)

01:48:46 dream mishears that george is gonna kiss him

01:54:24 g:”alright here’s the last game guys”, d:”you keep saying that, you keep…leading me on”

01:57:02 d:”that was the last one”, g:”no we said we were ending on a win” (no they didn’t) g:”you can’t leeeeeave, you can’t leave! it’s not allowed”

01:58:17 dono:”what is a place you’ve always wanted to go?”, g:”idk”, d:”america”

01:59:27 g:”i just, i was like…aaaaaghhhhlldududu you know?”, d:”yeah, i do know”

02:05:00 d:”alright, i’m gonna head out”, g:”wait, wait just wait”, g:”why are you in your like salty era?”, d:”why are you in your clingy era?”, d:”i think it would make sense if i left when i want to”, g:”alright, well, leave then, see what happens, you’re gonna regret it, that’s all i know”

02:05:30 dream leaves the call but then immediately starts watching george’s stream until he ends (who’s the one in their clingy era?)

02:06:10 george talks about going to bed (dream’s already in bed so they’re synced once again)

#dreamnotfound #dnf #there are so many amazing moments i saw no one talk about on here pls watch them #yeah i rewatched the whole thing...#now its my bedtime...#btw dream kept staying on call cus he wanted to go to sleep at the same time as george dont talk to me #sheepy #recap #gogy alt #sheepy recap #gogy alt 10.3

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nctinthehouse · 3 years

Text

deja vu

based on “deja vu” by Olivia Rodrigo

reader x ex!Jaehyun

genre: angst, fluff, ex lovers au? idk

wc: 3.1k

AN: I wrote this a while ago but I wasn’t planning on releasing or even write it in the first place however, I just fell in love with the lyrics and song when it came out and I could not pass on writing about it. I guess this is my interpretation of the song? Way too many thoughts at night time lol. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it 💕

Do you get deja vu when she's with you?

Running is something you’ve always enjoyed. It’s relaxing, good for your health and helps you clear your mind. Even as a kid, you were always seen running around and giggling. It made you happy.

You’re currently out on a late evening run along the river. This particular area is your favorite place to go to, whether it's for a run, out for a walk or even on the way to work. You like to come here when you need a break from something. The river, the ambience; it made you calm. It’s a special place and means a lot to you. There’s even a cute small store a few minutes away that you discovered when you started coming to this area more often. It’s like a secret place, not a lot of people seem to know about it. Owned by a local lady, she’s so lovely and kind. Her face always lights up whenever you stop by. There’s a lot of memories around here.

It was a really nice day today; clear skies with a few clouds. The sun is starting to set, changing the colors of the sky and clouds with hints of pinks and blues. It kinda reminds you of cotton candy ice cream.

Hmm, you kinda want ice cream now.

You’ve been running for a while now so you decided to jog to the local convenience store and get some ice cream.

As you’re approaching the store, you immediately slow down before stopping completely. You spot someone coming out of the store.

It’s Jaehyun.

His arms around another girl.

You and Jaehyun make brief eye contact with each other. You realise that they’re now walking towards your direction. Snapping out of your thoughts, you lower your head a bit and start walking towards the store trying to avoid having any sort of contact with them. Luckily, you and Jaehyun just walked past each other without acknowledging each other.

But as they were walking towards your direction and walking past, you hear his girlfriend ask him

“Jae, that store is so cute! How did you find it?”

“Oh I was just in this area one day and stumbled upon it. Came here a lot ever since then”

“Well this will definitely be our place from now on, we should come here more often”

That was our place

I found it first

You think to yourself

Stopping again, you turn your head around and spot them smiling and laughing before walking in the store and greeted by the lovely lady there who gave you a huge smile and wave; also waving back at her.

As you’re looking around the store, you think back to the time when you first brought Jaehyun to this area...

“how am i just finding out about this place??” Jaehyun says as you both are currently walking hand in hand along the river

“well now you know” you chuckle

You tell Jaehyun about how you discovered this area as well as the store up ahead when you took a detour on your way back home from class. One of your classes got cancelled which meant you were finished for the day, much earlier than usual. You didn't have anything planned for the rest of the day so you decided to take a different route back to your house.

It wasn't a very busy place which you grew to love. It was perfect for someone who needed a quieter place to think and relax, away from the crowded pavements and honking cars; a place where you could de-stress

“oh Jae, here's the store, come on!”

You quickly pull Jaehyun towards the store excitedly

As you guys go into the store, you spot the lovely owner. You let out a huge grin and wave as you go up to the counter where she is

“oh, Y/N!! so nice to see you again!”

“oh! and who’s this fine young gentleman?” the lady raises her eyebrows

“this is Jaehyun, my boyfriend” chuckling and gesturing your hand towards him

The lady puts her hands on her chest and looks at you guys adoringly

“oh you guys are such a cute couple! Y/N you want an ice cream?”

“yes please!” nodding your head

“Jae you have got to try the ice cream here! the strawberry flavor is a bonus”

“why am i not surprised that it's strawberry flavored” Jaehyun chuckles

After browsing around, you go up to the counter where you’re once again greeted by the lovely lady

“hi sweetie! the usual today?”

You nod your head and chuckle “yeah, thanks”

Looking down at the counter, you look like you’re miles away. The lady notices and frowns a bit

“sweetie, you alright?”

You look up and give her a small smile

“yeah, i’m alright”

As you see your ice cream is ready, you take your card out of your pocket getting ready to pay. However, the lady gently pushes your hand away

“it’s on the house”

You look at her with wide eyes

“oh, no i-”

“i insist” giving you a smile and holding onto your hand

“thank you. i promise to pay you back next time!”

The lady waves her hand around

“oh sweetie don't worry about it! just think of it as a thank you for always dropping by my store”

“thank you again” letting out a small laugh

“take care of yourself ok? i’ll see you around”

“i will” giving the lady a smile and a wave bye before going out of the store

❀❀❀

As you take a seat at a nearby picnic bench and start eating your ice cream, you see that Jaehyun and his girlfriend are still around. Your eyes can't help but wander towards them hanging around by a car. His car. The same car Jaehyun would drive you around in especially during night time. You see them playing around and her feeding him ice cream. You start to notice small things about her such as the clothes she's wearing; she kinda reminds you of herself. Looks like she’s wearing that jacket too. Just like I did.

Is it jealousy?

Maybe...

But more like pity.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks its special, but it's all reused

❀❀❀

Moments later, you see them get into the car and drive away. All these thoughts suddenly start clouding your mind and you can't help but wonder

How fast did he move on?

Did he even move on in the first place?

You’re not just trying to replace me, right?

I wonder, how many more things we did together, you do with her too?

You began to reminisce on some of the things you and Jaehyun did when you were still together…

Do you get deja vu when she's with you?

Remember when we used to go on road trips to Malibu?

Music, ice cream and Jaehyun.

Those were the 3 things you loved and needed the most whenever you went on road trips. Heck you could probably throw out the music and ice cream and just have Jaehyun as company only.

Those road trips were often unplanned. Sometimes you and Jaehyun would go without thinking about where you guys would specifically go or what you guys would do there.

There was a particular time which was the most special. It was the first road trip you and Jaehyun went on after you guys made it official. Actually, it was also the first date you guys went on as a couple.

You remember back in high school when Jaehyun would tell you about the times he and his family would go on road trips to Malibu during school breaks for some family bonding time. You hadn’t been to Malibu before so you were very excited when Jaehyun decided on taking you on a road trip there, especially as a first date since you guys had not been on one yet.

Jaehyun drove up to your house and honked his car, letting you know that he’s arrived to pick you up. You run downstairs and look through the curtains and see Jaehyun getting out of the car. You quickly grab your stuff and head out of your house.

You jog up to him, both of you embracing each other in a tight hug. As you let go, you spot the jacket he currently has on

“wow i love your jacket! is it new?”

“oh this? nah, i bought this a while ago from some vintage store”

“can i try it on? i love vintage stuff” your face lighting up

Jaehyun smirks a little as he takes off your jacket with you taking yours off too. He hands you his jacket and holds onto yours as you put his one on.

You let out a gasp

“thanks, this is mine now” you grin at Jaehyun widely before jumping into the passenger seat of his car

Jaehyun looks blankly at you briefly

“baby what am i gonna wear then?”

“you don’t need to though, it's not even that cold right now” you say as you place your arms on the edge of the car windows

“but what if it gets a bit chilly later on?”

“just wear mines” pointing to your jacket that he’s currently holding

“this? you think this would fit me?”

“what? you won’t know unless you try it on” shrugging your shoulders

Jaehyun reluctantly puts on your jacket. He struggles a bit with the sleeves but he manages to get it on. You start laughing as you see how small your jacket looks on him

“kinda suits you though” you laugh

“shut up” Jaehyun says jokingly as he whacks your arms

You fake a loud gasp as you place both of your hands on your chest, not breaking eye contact with him as he gets into the driver's seat

“Y/N you know i’m only joking” Jaehyun chuckles as you glare at him with a unimpressed face

You look away from him and roll your eyes

“baby come ooonnnn i’m sorry i was only jo-”

“just drive” you say with a monotone voice

Jaehyun looks at you for a moment, noticing you biting your lips. He realised sometime ago that it’s something that you usually do to stop yourself from smiling or break out into laughter.

He takes your hand in his and gives it several kisses. Seeing you breaking out a small smile, he smiles to himself before starting the car and driving.

❀❀❀

When you finally got there, Jaehyun happily took you to some of his favorite places he loved to visit. Hours went by quickly and you guys were hungry so Jaehyun decided to take you to a park and have a picnic. It was nice out too so why not.

You guys bought some food from a nearby cafe and set up a picnic spot that had a lovely view of the ocean. There was also a hiking trail in the area and you guys decided on doing that after some lunch.

After lunch, Jaehyun went and got both of you ice cream from an ice cream truck that was parked nearby

“you know what?” you say as you scoop out a another bite of the ice cream

“what?”

“i think i’m gonna make it a goal to try as many different strawberry ice creams i can whenever i visit a new place”

“sounds good baby”

As you look out towards the ocean, Jaehyun takes the opportunity to give you a small kiss on the side of your lips which surprises you. You jump a bit and stare at him with wide eyes

“sorry, you just had a bit of ice cream there” Jaehyun smirks

“oh”

You’re quiet for a few seconds before saying

“is it all gone…?”

Jaehyun leans in closer and closer; he rubs his nose against yours lightly

“almost” he whispers against your lips before locking in with yours

Your first kiss. Oh how sweet it was.

Do you get deja vu?

♡♡♡

Remember when you used to come over to my house?

If you weren't hanging out at Jaehyun’s, he’s usually at yours.

You and Jaehyun would stay over at each other's house every weekend. You guys often had days where you just didn't want to do anything special. Just chilling at home such as eating, sleeping and enjoying each other's company. When Jaehyun is over at yours, one of the things you guys like to do is to sit on the couch and binge watch your favorite TV shows. Today is one of those days.

You guys are currently sitting next to each other, crossed legged on the couch at your house; a bowl of popcorn on your lap while the channel you’re currently watching is doing reruns of one of your favorite shows, Glee. This wasn't exactly one of Jaehyun’s favorite shows. He didn't hate it but he wasn't a huge fan of it like you were. He doesn't mind watching it over and over with you as long as he’s spending time with you.

Grabbing some popcorn pieces, you look at Jaehyun

“Jae open up”

Jaehyun looks confused but opens his mouth anyway

You throw a couple of popcorn pieces, trying to aim it in his mouth but failing; the popcorn always hitting his face. You try a few more times before Jaehyun lets out a complaint

“babe come on!! your aiming skills are awful”

“hey it’s not my fault your mouth ain’t big enough”

Letting out a shocked laugh, Jaehyun grabs some popcorn and throws it at you. You guys end up having a mini popcorn fight before stopping as you realise you got popcorn on the couch and the floor. You guys weren't bothered to do a lot of cleaning today.

A while later, your face lights up as one of your favorite songs on Glee has come on. You grab Jaehyun’s arm and start moving it around, you were too excited.

Moments later, you grab the remote and get up from the couch. You pretend the remote is your mic and you start singing along to the song, belting out some words slightly out of tune

“WORKIN’ HARD TO GET MY FILL”

“EVERYBODY WANTS A THRILL”

Suddenly, you point the remote down towards Jaehyun, wanting him to sing the next bit. He hesitates for a second but joins in anyway, with you singing along

“PAYIN’ ANYTHING TO ROLL THE DICE”

“JUST ONE MORE TIME”

Jaehyun thinks you look ridiculous but looks at you in admiration; a huge smile on his face.

Still singing out of tune slightly, Jaehyun sits and watches you as you're dancing around. He shakes his head and throws his head back laughing. He wipes some of his tears away from laughing so much.

“DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’”

“HOLD ON TO THAT FEELING”

You whip your head towards him, slightly taken aback as Jaehyun suddenly gets up and takes the remote from you and starts belting out the lyrics

“STREET LIGHT PEOPLE”

You let out a laugh as you both dance around singing the rest of the song out of tune but somehow in harmony.

Do you get deja vu?

♡♡♡

Remember the first time you told me you loved me?

Being a music major, you spent a lot of time in a music room, especially in front of a piano. Growing up, you’ve always wanted to be a pianist. You remember the time when you were a kid and saw someone sitting in front of a piano playing a song at a train station. You looked at them with wide eyes and was so mesmerized by the upbeat melody. Letting go of your mum’s hand, you ran up to them and watched them play. You found out from the nice stranger that they were playing a song called “Uptown Girl’ by Billy Joel. It was at that moment you realized what you wanted to be when you grew up.

Ever since then, that tune has stuck with you. When you first got your very own piano, you spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to play it as well as listening to the song many times. Whenever you played it, it brought back all those memories. It meant a lot to you.

You were finished with lectures earlier than expected so you decided to head to the music room to work on a few things.

Whilst sat in front of the piano wanting to work on an upcoming assessment, your mind drifted elsewhere and you started playing Uptown Girl.

You were so focused on playing that you didn't hear Jaehyun coming into the room

“whatcha playing babe?”

You slightly jump at his voice before turning around

“what you doing here? i thought you were in class”

Jaehyun took off his backpack and sat next to you as you scooted to the side a bit to make space for him before he set his bag down beside the piano bench

“class got cancelled so i’m free the rest of the day woooo”

You chuckle at his response and nod

“soo… whatcha you playing babe?”

You told Jaehyun the story about how you came across the song and how your love for music came about when you were a kid.

You and Jaehyun met during high school and eventually bonded over music and grew closer throughout the years. Now here you both are, attending the same university as music majors.

“can you teach me?”

“i can try”

You played the song a few times so Jaehyun could listen to it and get the vibe of it before teaching him the basics then the harder bits.

“i think that's enough learning for now”

“okay” you giggle

Jaehyun asked if you could play him the whole song and you happily obliged. While you were playing, Jaehyun looked at you and was fascinated. You had a huge smile on your face and thought you were the most precious person ever. He wanted to love and protect you by all means.

You were about to go onto the next part when suddenly you hear

“i love you”

As soon as you hear those words, your hands come to a halt. You stare at your hands for a moment before looking at Jaehyun in shock, mouth slightly ajar

“i love you, Y/N”

Do you get deja vu?

A different girl now, but there's nothing new

Shaking your thoughts away, you roll your eyes and scoff before getting up and throwing the now empty ice cream cup away. You decided to head home and enjoy the rest of your evening by watching reruns of Glee with some more strawberry ice cream.

I know you get deja vu.

AN: Thanks for reading until the end! My longest fic I’ve written so far and I’m pretty happy with it. As always I’m happy to get any feedback on it and I really hope you enjoyed reading this. I’m currently working on another fic that’s based on a song I’ve been loving lately so I hope to get that one up sometime! Take care everyone 💜

masterlist

#nct #nct u #nct 127 #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jeong yoonoh #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #nct boyfriend #jaehyun oneshot #nct oneshot #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff

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warmau · 3 years

Text

love struck!au x tbz

find other love struck!aus here: monsta x | day6 | ateez *this post was commissioned through kofi

sangyeon

confident sangyeon spends half the day flirting with you

then shy sangyeon spends the rest of the day running embarrassment laps around the creker building

he has high spikes of adrenaline where its just quite literally circling you with hearts in his eyes and doves singing

and then low long silent moments where he sits in a corner, muttering at the wall and everyone is like what is going on with him

if he could he might just spend eternity flip-flopping between the two

it’d take an intervention to get him to just seize the opportunity during one of his more positive moods to just ask you on a date

the only problem is he talks so fast and so jumbled and waves his hands around

and you’re like wh-

and he’s like datetommorrowcoffeeorteawhichdoyoupreferdoyounotevenwanteitherwhataboutumlikeamoviepleasesayyes

once again you are like ?

and sangyeons meter of confidence is slowly depleting hes about to run away until sunwoo is like

let me step in and translate:

sangyeon wants to go on a date with you tomorrow

when you brighten up and accept, sangyeon just breathes a sigh of relief and maybe almost tips over from the intense amount of feelings hitting him at once lol

jacob

no one takes him seriously when he starts saying he likes you

not because you’re unlikable but because jacob says it with such normalcy that everyone is like

nah

if you liked them, you would definitely be all mushy and shy and embarrassed about it

and jacob is like what are you talking about im not embarrassed to have a crush on someone i think is really awesome

even kevin is like dude don’t push it - you shouldnt make jokes about liking people

and jacob is just like *blinks*

but seriously, everyone expects him to be writing lyrics in secret and practicing some kind of grand serenade to ask you out - like you’re literally an angel dude so you have to like someone in the most cupid-esque way possible

which jacob is just like :/ about because there’s no right way to show someone how much you like them-

juyeon: sorry what i was not listening?

you on the other hand, don’t ever even catch wind of it because jacob is so sweet at all times

polite, caring, gentle touches, lots of eye contact, little smiles that make your heart melt, the usual

that you just assume he’s like this to everyone so of course you are clueless and his lack of grandiose confessions is making everyone else clueless too

until one day jacob is like fine if no one believes me ill just tell them a

nd everyone in the room is like pfft would love to see you try-

three seconds later jacob is standing in front of you and saying “want to date me?” and you’re so shocked you can’t speak

but the rest of tbz is so shocked at least three of them nearly faint

younghoon

keeps his mouth shut

literally like shut shut like not a WORD to you or to anyone in a five foot distance of you

he’ll be talking to chanhee about something and you’ll walk in and suddenly younghoon just hits pause

chanhee is like hello are you broken hello and younghoon is just _____

until you walk out of the room and then he’s like

“-that’s why i think we shouldn’t include that dance move”

and chanhee is like what the hael just happened

you will be in a conversation and pull younghoon over to join you and when you’re like what do you think!!!!!!!1

he looks at you and the cognitive function for speech just disappears

maybe its your cute face accelerating his heartbeat or maybe its the all the nerves in his body going haywire because all he wants to say is how much he really really likes you

but he can’t just SAY that so instead he says nothing

sometimes he’s lucky and members who understand this younghoon lovestruck glitch are around can save him

but sometimes its just you and him and silence until youre like ok- well-

you think maybe he just doesnt want to talk to you because he doesnt like you

so you apologize for bothering him

and its like everything that has ever blocked him from speaking before just flies out the window

because suddenly younghoon is holding your hands in his and saying

“no, im sorry. i just dont know what to say because i like you so much.”

it’s the longest sentence you’ve ever heard from him

and you are so flustered but all you can say back is

“you can keep saying ‘i like you’ if you want...........”

younghoon for the rest of the week: i like you

you: giddy

tbz: kinda wishing he’d shut it again

hyunjae

there’s no lovestruck period, it’s straight up infatuation from day ONE

and it comes at full force

hyunjae is like bubblegum, stuck to you and only you

sugary sweet and always reminding you that he is available whenever you decided you want to take him

it can really overwhelm someone, because his attention is fixated and forthcoming

and i mean you’d really have to lack all the common sense in the world not to see that he’s interested

but that’s the thing interest is not always a form of sincerity so you just kind of chalk it up to him trying to be funny

and he sprawls across your lap like a cat

happy with the fact that you just giggle and smile because ok you might never believe that he’s so in love with you it hurts but at least you still let him near you

really people probably ask you if you’re dating him and when you say you’re not their follow up is usually like well arent you exhausted having someone you dont love always around

and you’re like um - no well - i mean - and you are like ok i mean i do love him but im not going to be a fool and fall into a trap of thinking im special

and hyunjae will literally be like they are special. i feel nothing for anyone else, it is just them

and you’re like see! he’s so sweet!

and at some point i think you either drive hyunjae crazy and he kisses you because words are pointless - actions are everything

or chanhee pushes you two into each other from pure, unfiltered annoyance

“if you love each other stop pretending like it’s a big joke and just DATE!”

juyeon

return to kindergarten romance

literally he sees you and goes pink to the ears and slinks behind his friends even though he’s taller than most of them

and he can barely hide the fact that he jumps over the rainbow when your shoulders brush in the halls

if no one knew any better, juyeon probably scribbles your name in hearts on a notebook page somewhere

but then crumples it up and almost eats it if anyone tries to see what he’s up to

but again you enter the vicinity and he’s goo - muttering and forgetting to string nouns to verbs or whatever

everyone is so amazed that someone with so much charisma on stage can turn this goddamn goofy around someone he likes

and you are energetic and bright - you always want to pull juyeon into the loop - and you think the flustered look on his face is just from genuine surprise or confusion

and you’re like “oh! let me explain what we’re doing blah blah blah” and yes juyeon knows you guys are going to play monopoly but like words? dont? come ? out ? of ? his ? mouth?

and just like kindergarten he probably ends up writing you a note about how much he likes you (tick this box for yes and this box for no) or some form of that

maybe like a text where he is like hi do you want to go on a date and it was actually supposed to be like a ten page essay about why he likes you but then he got too nervous to send it so yeah

its a text that comes out of the blue and when you agree and see juyeon in person the next day you’re like why didn’t you just ask me like months ago

and once again, words? dont? come? out? of? his? mouth?

kevin

gift giving

nonstop gift giving

like to a point where jacob is worried about kevin’s spending habits

but it is all like handmade items and cute stuff he sees that reminds him of you

and everyone knows he has a crush before he can even process it because they’re doing a show halfway across the country and everyone is like practicing or doing something on their own

and kevin’s like guys look i saw this in a shop and it reminded me of-

all of tbz looking at him like: we know who it reminded you of

he plays it off though when he gives you the gifts, he’s like ah this was just like in my bag or whatever or oh i made this extra keychain when i had a day off like do you want it

and kevin thinks he is so sly and covering it up so damn well but he isn’t

you try to give gifts back, mostly because you feel bad that he’s always offering something to you

and one day you are like - at first as a kind of jest - like “here ill just give you myself in return”

and you throw your arms around his neck like you’ve done a million times before and oh shit you think kevin is going to pass out with how fast his heart starts beating and how he overheats

and you’re like kevin?!??!?! are you ok!?!??! and he’s like areyouserious

and you’re like wh and he’s like are you serious about that,,,,and you’re like oh well i mean do you even want someone like me

and kevin unblinkingly is like of course you are the only person i want

and suddenly you realize that these gifts youve been getting are kevin’s love language and its so freaking cute

(but also stop spending money just give kisses instead) (kevin agrees but he is still like im buying you anything cute i see because u are cute and cute people deserve cute things we love kevin moon logic)

changmin

ignores his feelings by throwing himself into his work

much to the surprise of no one, because he’s naturally a workoholic and perfectionist, but this time something is off

no one should be beating themselves up over such miniscule mistakes like he is

and hyunjae is convinced changmin has finally lost it, like the goddamn lid has flew off the kettle with this one

because they finish practice and everyone is clapping and changmin looks like he’s going to crush the speakers with his bare hands

less lovestruck as he is loveconfused because the real reason he’s so upset is like

he wants to focus so hard on being a great performer and whatnot but when he shuts his eyes or takes a moment to breath

his brain is fuzzy with thoughts of you and not like super romantic flowery thoughts like you see in movies or read in comics

its just little snapshots of you being,,,,,,,,,,,you

laughing along with eric, fixing the hem of your shirt in the mirror, waving at changmin before looking both ways and crossing the street to his side

GOD WHEN HAS SOMEONE CROSSING THE STREET MADE HIS HEART DO A BACKFLIP

the worst thing is he can’t seem to find a way for it to stop until like you are actually in front of him

like the real you - not the memories and thoughts he has daily of you - no just you

and you’re putting your hands on his face and he’s sweaty and hot from dancing for god knows how long and you’re like

“don’t wear yourself out like this, take care of yourself - if you don’t want to do it for you - can you do it for me?”

and changmin realizes oh right - for you, for you he could move mountains, for you he could fly, like seriously for you he could do anything

and he thinks he just says this to himself but he just said it outloud and somewhere in the room hyunjae is slapping his knee like

“AH! he’s not nuts - he’s just in love.”

chanhee

falls head over heels for you and expects you to read his mind about it

you walk into a room and he sits up a little straighter and is like ok one step two step ok come over to me, look at me, pay attention to me

and you - because you are not a mindreader - go to talk to juyeon first

and chanhee is like OH I SEE HOW IT IS and gets all moody there on out

honest to god he probably knows he’s overreacting but he just does not get why you cant tell how he’s feeling

and he asks like everyone this question and theyre like what? because you aren’t making it obvious at all?

and chanhee is like what the hell do you mean i totally make it obvious and everyone is like did you ask them out? did you get them a gift? did you compliment them?

and chanhee crosses his arms like no......but like......i smiled at them in a way i dont smile at the rest of you clowns

tbz: :/

either way, you start to notice this pattern, that when chanhee is not getting your attention he gets a little like a cat and curls himself away from you

so you, much like one with a cat, start to shower him in attention

and he just uncurls and gets all giddy and swats anyone away who tries to get into your little bubble with him

and its a bit entertaining really lol but you think its just chanhee being chanhee

till it keeps happening over and over and over again and you’re like ok wait

and chanhee is like hmm and you’re like why dont we just go somewhere alone together like on a date or something if thats what you like so much

and chanhee, who has been under the suspicion you have been going on dates sitting together in the tbz practice room is like

“oh right! a date, um i guess sure!”

inside he is screaming

haknyeon

does not waste time, he puts his detective hat on and makes a plan

for one of the youngest members he probably puts the most diligence into liking someone

its not just lovestruck butterflies and running away whenever you’re around

haknyeon swats all that gooey-mushy stuff away and is like ok lets see what movies do you like? what kind of food do you like? he has to know so that when he asks you out he is ready to impress

it shocks some of his other members, sangyeon has never seen haknyeon almost bite younghoon’s hand when he tried to as him to get off the shared desktop

haknyeon just wants to know everything about you - which kevin says he could probably do by talking more to you

and haknyeon is like go away grandpa and kevin is like WH-

either way, when it all comes to a head and haknyeon has memorized what he’s going to say in his confession to you for the one millionth time

he does not prepare for what actually happnes

which is you bound up to him with your arms open and you’re like let’s hang out! just the two of us!

and he’s like ok ill go get the other- wait

haknyeon.exe has stopped working

because truth be told he’d spend so much time trying to research and be perfect when all you really like about him is how fun and eccentric he can be

so you just ask him out first and this was not in the plan, but haknyeon is not about to let go of your warm hand as you pull him along beside you

sunwoo

swears to deny it to his grave because one) it’s embarrassing and.........no that’s it. it is embarrassing to have feelings

jacob: feelings aren’t embarrassing! they’re the reason we can care so deeply about others <3

sunwoo: ok nerd........keep it moving

and unlike younghoon who just goes silent around the people he likes or juyeon who tries to find sangyeon to hide behind

sunwoo just straight up is like cold. and you are like what didi i do?

everyone is just like he’s complicated, it’s just who he is and he’s young so just ignore him

but it makes you sad that sunwoo just doesn’t want to be your friend

and in sunwoo’s head he’s like I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU ARE MY DREAM PERSON BUT THATS SO FREAKING CORNY TO SAY SO LET ME JUST MAKE GRUMPY FACE

he also has such a bad luck, even when he’s not trying to come off mean he probably accidentally spills something on you or breaks something of yours

and instead APOLOGIZING like everyone is telling him to do he just yoinks out of the room and you’re like damn :(

to be honest, i think the more you guys get distant the more sunwoo falls deeper into it because even with everything

you are always so kind and sweet and how? like how? how are you doing that?

it probably takes a miracle or actually just like someone spilling the beans to you that sunwoo stayed up all night trying to fix the bracelet of yours he broke for it to all change

for you to find sunwoo and hug him and thank him for trying to fix it and the minute you touch him its like

all these stupid little walls he built melt into nothing and sunwoo is just like i like you so much im sorry im so dumb and you’re like

well you’re like shocked but youre like im sorry i also like you and im also dumb sometimes

both of you standing there wide eyed but also like super super super giddy

one day you aren’t even talking to each other the next day you are cuddling on the couch

kevin: these people are giving me literal whiplash

eric

thinks you’ll never feel the same way so he does the next best thing, he tries to be your bestest friend

for someone so spunky and confident in himself most of the time you’d think lovestruck eric would just GO for it

but more than he is like outgoing and brave, he is devoted to people he loves

and losing you as a friend over confessing his feelings would probably spiral him into a dark place

so he’ll just take his spot as a super close friend, and horrible wingman

who tries to get you to admit that you like someone in the group when you have told eric ten times no you dont like changmin like that and yes juyeon is cute but youre not interested

and eric just wants you to be happy and he thinks youre lying and keeping it from him because like you think it would be weird to date someone in tbz

and he’s like cmon tell me! or do you like someone from skz, im friends with felix - do you think he’s cute

and at some point it wears you down and you are just like over to play video games and have fun with eric

and he’s like hey felix said you were pretty when i showed him a photo and you are like ERIC LISTEN TO ME and he’s like blinking like oh?

and you’re like i do like someone but its you and so since that isnt going to happen lets move on

and eric is like lets not move on because from the minute i saw you i thought cupid lodged an arrow so deep in my heart its been stuck their permanently and yes i watched hercules last night so i made that analogy isn’t it about time you kissed me so i would shuttup?

and when you do you’re like ok i have wanted to do that SO many times and he’s like well you should have

and youre like dont be sassy i will bring up every oppurtunity you tried to hook me up with your group member if you do and he’s like

i will shut my mouth forever if that is what you wish <3

#the boyz au #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #tbz au #tbz imagines #member: the boyz #tbz scenarios #the boyz #tbz #sfw #the way younghoon is the ideal man: nothing to say just heart eyes in a stupor JK trgkdls

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yoimix · 3 years

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haikyuu!! as types of best friends.

➼ ft. hinata, sugawara, bokuto, osamu+atsumu.

➼ playlist. talk too much - coin, higher - banks, romanticism - mrs green apple, me and my friends - james vincent mcmorrow

➼ a/n. these have light bff2l undertones hhn i love that trope, pls forgive me. </3 + there’s some timeskip spoilers for atsumu & osamu’s part.

❀ hinata :-

i wish the childhood best friends trope a very good evening.

no one’s better than hinata at making friends, even if you met after he spiked a ball into your face. you’re childhood best friends too !! so imagine being a child and having to pick up this goofball by the scruff, who has the audacity to ask you to play with him after giving you a scratched up forehead and teary eyes from a ball to the face. but, like, you were the one who said yes so it’s on you :-)

sometimes you bicker but it’s ok bc he would literally go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked. no kidding. he hates sitting still anyway so he’ll just gravitate towards where you are like you’re the sun. also gets you taiyaki in the evenings but climbs in through your window instead of using the front door like a normal person. (he has too much energy </3) if you hear someone yelling your name outside your window and ranting about volleyball games, you know who it is.

ok when he makes you mad with his bullheadedness, you'll be complaining with kageyama (who agrees vehemently) and hinata gets pissy bc you get along a little too well when you're throwing insults about him. (he's not jealous, no, of course not.) but.. how long can you stay mad at this sunshine child anyway?? you'll be pretending you never got mad at all within a few hours and go back to joking around.

he gets distracted if you're watching a match sometimes (bokuto somehow got it into his head that he needs to show off in front of you) so you got banned from watching. he overcomes it later on so you can cheer him on in his jersey too <3

gives you ALL his attention when you talk or even complain about your life. he reacts a lot to whatever you have to say so you have to pretend there aren’t people behind you glaring at hinata for having the same decibel sound level as a jet engine.

you have matching keychains you bought at a local fair !!! (you got a pochacco one for hinata but it’s super worn out by now so he keeps it in his wallet instead.)

he has not won a single multiplayer video game against you (*cough cough* mario kart *cough*) and you don’t even have to be good at it. if you call him a loser, he’ll lose even harder. gets unnecessarily mad at just dance and you have to calm him down.

... you’ve probably kissed bc the two of you (mostly him) were too eager for a first kiss and you got fed up with his pubescent ramblings and ended up kissing him. and then had an early mid-life crisis bc you guys are definitely just friends. (unless.. unless he doesn’t think that way.. surprise surprise 😳) also he's.. kind of bad for make out practice... it’s like kissing a month old puppy.. sorry :/. if you happen to make a lot of offhand comments and tease him about his kissing skills, he WILL turn tomato red and argue in gibberish. only do that in private bc the rest of the world thinks you’re sickeningly cute together >:(

overall, your best friend is a ball of sunshine (who occasionally pisses you off) and your #1 motivation to get out of bed. it's mostly bc he's somehow there to get you out of bed though you've repeatedly told him to not climb in through your window. at least the sun is smiling upon you every day <3

❀ sugawara :-

being best friends with him is such a secure relation !!

he’s your soft place to fall but also would provide gentle (not so gentle) reminders for your wellbeing (STUDY!!! WATER!!!! BREAKFAST!!). doesn’t get mad when you say you skipped breakfast but gives you this look of disappointment which is 100x more effective. still gets a granola bar for you though. also he literally carries bandaids for u and he’s been doing that since second grade bc you fell off the swing ONCE. you know, just in case. if you’re an accident-prone hazard to society, you’re in luck.

BEST HUGS especially if you had a rough day and want to sob into his shoulder. if u damage his $85 hoodie tho, he will make u do his laundry and also buy snacks for him. but like he is so soft (his skin is SUPER soft bc he actually follows a skincare routine now) and cuddly like a teddy bear, it's a small price to pay for salvation.

he will hype you up for anything you do !!!! new outfit? offers to be your personal photographer. scored an A+? will treat u to your fav ice-cream. new job? will tell everyone just how proud he is.

ALWAYS shares the last bite with you and smiles to himself when you eat it so contented. also!!! hanging out at cafes and taking cute pictures is a must <3 even though you’re not dating, you’ll have photos together that make you look a real couple which ensue teasing from daichi and asahi and admiration/jealousy from noya and tanaka. also he gets weirdly protective of you around the team (i’m looking at the moron quartet) and you have to pull the “koushi you’re not my mom” card. it really strikes a chord with him when you say that out loud.

will egg your ex's house with you if you say the word. somehow gets more pissed than you at your ex (if they're a shitty one). it's kind of scary when he's mad too so.... good luck calming him down. he's also really good at sarcastic trash talk so if you happen to meet your ex on the street... send prayers for their self-esteem.

you don't really fight often but if you happen to disagree, he'll go about it in a pretty mature way and talk it out. if you pick a fight on purpose, he'll catch on to it and either tickle you (excessively) or flick your forehead as punishment for trying to rile him up. it’s impossible to prank him!!!!! it’s like he’s got a sixth sense or something so you might as well give up on anything of the sort.

you said you want to get a dog (or cat) with him in the near future and he somehow equated that to having children. turned bright red and started saying it’s too soon to be thinking of that while you had daichi stop you from smacking some sense into your overly imaginative best friend. (i mean, you do need to live together if you want to raise a pet sooo)

his lockscreen is a picture of the two of you so a lot of people who try to hit on him take the hint quick. he says it’s unintentional but you know he can be terribly scheming at times. if you say something like “why don’t you date me for real, coward” he will malfunction and not be able to look you in the eye. (“don’t joke around, y/n” “what if i’m not” “it kind of feels illegal to date you” “what do you mean?!💢”)

anyway you are one lucky mf if you have sugawara koushi as your best friend even if there are both ups and downs (mostly ups). having someone care for you so blatantly certainly makes the question of romance arise but you’re content with the most loving best friend ever.

❀ bokuto :-

you guys are the “two best friends in a room, we might kiss” “yes we will” “what” type of best friends PLS

it doesn’t matter what stage of life you met him, it’ll feel like you’ve been best friends since the beginning of time.

it’s just so easy to make friends with this airhead and by god’s gift, you cannot physically get annoyed at this man. sometimes his friends will complain about him being forgetful or blunt but you’re just there like. yeah. that’s bokuto. love him for it. (you seem to have a lot of patience.)

he probably gets into trouble with authority unwittingly, so save your weekends to sweet talk his way out after accidentally implying the coach has a weak mindset. afterwards, you go get ice cream or something and hang out at the dog park to forget it happened. (the amount of second hand embarrassment bokuto has given you though... you need some hard drugs to forget all of it.)

you probably make a lot of friends through him in high school/college but at the end of the day, it’s just you and him and sometimes akaashi making sure you guys are alive. if you guys are alone together on a friday night, you’ll still be having fun!! very often, it takes shape as karaoke :-) bokuto thinks he’s really great at rapping for some reason (he’s not) so cue you screaming the lyrics in an attempt to ruin your part of the song equally. also he always sets the key wrong??? although you sing the same songs each time?? sometimes he picks a song neither of you have ever heard and the both of you try to guess the melody. he’s terrible at it but at least he’s funny. there’s not a single song he hasn’t had a voice crack in.

if you go clubbing/partying with him, get prepared to be introduced as the friend of “the guy who did four keg stands in a row before proceeding to do a cartwheel unprompted and somehow not throw up”. is on first name basis with the bartenders/hosts and gets you free drinks. also gets hit on often but is oblivious unless they’re being very straightforward. if he’s not into them... you have to pull the s/o card and save his ass. oh also he barks at anyone that gets near your drink.

will always exaggerate when introducing you to new people. “y/n and i met when i saved them from drowning a terrible death.” “it was the children’s pool and you were the one that was screaming.” “and then y/n didn’t really thank me but it’s not like heroes need thanks to do the right thing.” “kou, i will push you into a pool right now, let’s see how well you swim.” (he learned swimming to impress you so joke’s on you.)

he likes to watch you do stuff at the end of the day, so if you see him go o_o at you doing homework, you can just put your earphones on and focus on your work. even if he’s making.. a strangely.. adorable expression. also LOVES to listen to you talk about your day when he’s tired, he says it helps him sleep better (so expect a lot of nighttime calls). moreover, if you say you had a bad dream, he’ll comfort you with his ridiculously confident tone of voice (unless the dream was about something bad happening to him, then he’ll freak out and you’ll have to comfort him instead </3)

ok one thing that’s annoying about him is that he probably leaves food crumbs over your stuff like laptop, bed sheet, etc. you clean it up but bokuto.. is a bit... distracted to notice the mess he’s making. it’s usually pretty difficult to get him to be more aware, but like your glare is enough to make him at least try to be careful from the next time. (either that or he’s become sensitive to your change in mood/emotions bc you know... you’re best friends after all.)

i’m not gonna lie, he probably catches feelings for you at some point. he wants to, like, keep it lowkey bc akaashi told him to take your feelings into consideration too but?? it’s so hard?? you’re literally so pretty?? everything you say is like music to him??? he reacts reflexively to all the firecracker feelings u give him. he probably says he likes you all the time but you dismiss it with “as a friend right :-)”. there’s no climbing up from that one, sorry bokuto.

to summarize, if a moody golden retriever was your human best friend.exe

❀ miya twins :-

they feel like a set. it would be strange to have one of the twins as a bff and not have the other one around whoops 🤷‍♀️

either you and osamu bully atsumu in your free time, or you and atsumu annoy osamu for fun (or both) <3. it’s always a good idea to team up with osamu and prank atsumu for fun btw. (put wasabi in his breakfast pancakes and you’ll get a very pissed off but weirdly cute tsumtsum. you can blame it on osamu if you don’t want to face his wrath.) your alternative is to embarrass osamu in front of strangers with atsumu, have fun with that. (second hand embarrassment also works.)

when you were younger, you pretended to not be able to distinguish the twins bc it would visibly rile atsumu up and then you’d go “ok you’re atsumu”... which would further rile him up. osamu got used to your shenanigans though it ticked him off the first time too LOL. call them the wrong name on purpose and they’ll start a riot; be careful when you’re playing with fire pls.

you guys played a lot of knight and prince/princess/royal when you were a kid and atsumu would always try to make osamu the evil dragon holding you captive. in the end, you were somehow the knight, osamu the prince to be rescued and atsumu the big, bad dragon. (it’s kind of funny in hindsight. your parents have photographs of the three of you fighting like no tomorrow.) also speaking of which, your parents are also friends and have bets on which twin you’ll marry (or if you will at all). it’s tearing your parents’ friendship apart.

these two have DEFINITELY fought over whose jersey number you’re going to wear to the games ( “oi, ‘samu, stop brainwashing my best friend into wearing your stupid double digit number” “you know i’m the best friend, ‘tsumu. they clearly like me better over yer ratty ass.” “what did ya say?!?!? if anything, you’re the one that looks like ratatouille.”) you wore kita's jersey number to games.

imagine sunday picnics with the boys !!! by that, i specifically mean osamu and his perfect bento boxes <3 sometimes the two of you will cook together before your outings while a sulking atsumu stands outside bc you didn’t let him. (let him in, you monsters.) he says he can cook too but the last time the twins’ bickering almost burnt the whole kitchen down. the picnics continue well into adulthood and you get to diss your boss to the twins who will always support your rants. (sometimes atsumu will tell you it’s your fault but you can smack him off. we only need supportive besties here 🙄)

if someone hurts u.... they’re going to need divine intervention to be safe... you have two well-built, physically adept best friends ready to beat the shit out of anyone who deliberately breaks ur heart.

when the twins get into a physical fight...... oh boy. it kinda pisses you off that they’re spewing profanity at each other and you’re the one getting glares. but at the same time, you don’t really want to step into a fight that has nothing to do with you. people should solve their interpersonal issues on their own. they have never fought over you, this isn’t twilight <3

but the question did come up once on which twin you like better; it’s not something to seriously fight over though. if you chose osamu, atsumu will complain for six days straight and you’ll start to regret ever answering the question. if you say atsumu, osamu won’t feed you his onigiri anymore for a few days which is just as bad. the safest choice is to say neither bc it will both be funny and you won’t suffer too many consequences. if you say you love the both of them for being your best friends all this time and go all mushy, there’s a slight chance they’ll go soft too. god help you from the bone crushing hug you’re about to receive 🙏

you make sure to not miss any of atsumu’s official games !! sometimes he’ll wave at you and make the reporters give you hell bc he’s a little shit. just push osamu to them and run away if it gets that bad. (he gets free advertising for his shop, he should be grateful.)

osamu is super good at cheering you up!!! whether it’s with food or with pleasant talk, you’ll be feeling much better with a full stomach and a calmer state of mind. as for atsumu, he’s really good at you cheering you up by distracting you. he’ll talk about his team or this new serve he learnt and the world will seem a lot brighter bc he seems so happy about it. whichever twin you go to, it’s win-win.

in return, the twins take up a good chunk of your time. sometimes atsumu will crash at your place after a game though you’ve told him to not lead the damn reporters here. osamu makes you taste test his experimental onigiri... which are not always good..... no seriously, why’d he put honey and tuna in there ?? but still, your life is ridiculously colorful with them around.

anyway, what can i say except what’s better than one best friend?? two best friends !!!

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #bokuto x reader #sugawara x reader #hinata x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #atsumu #osamu #bokuto #sugawara #hinata #rosemi.hcs #kind of all over the place but it's about the vibes thank you #feel free to correct any typos i made im about to pass out gn ;-;

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thechangeling · 3 years

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Ok first of all this is based on my own personal feelings and preferences. Not every autistic person is going to agree with this list. If you are autistic and you have things you wanna add on then feel free just don't try and start fights with me I will block you.

Things to avoid:

-No more super smart genius type autistics. We already have enough. No more.

- Hot take maybe, but no more white boys. We already have enough.

- Don't make them a horrible asshole with no feelings or no respect for other people's feelings.

- Don't make them overly self absorbed or extremely selfish or narcissistic.

- That being said, don't make them a perfect saint either who is always kind to everyone. We can be occassionally cruel or selfish. We do make mistakes and hurt people. The trick is making sure that it's a balence.

- If this sounds complicated and contradictory... well yeah. The human condition is complicated and we are people. (Shocking I know/s)

- Don't characterize them like a child if they're an adult or a teenager. Don't infantalize them.

- If you make them have low empathy, don't equate low empathy to no feelings and no compassion.

- No more science or math special interests. Too many!!! Or trains!!

- Don't have their personal character development or big moments happen in someone else's pov. Or if they do, you HAVE to write about how they feel about it at some point.

- Don't make them have a perfect memory I'm sick of that shit.

- Don't make them absolutely perfect at their special interest or know absolutely everything about it. We make mistakes sometimes.

- Don't describe them as special or gifted or blessed.

- If other characters say ableist shit about them, make sure the narrative clearly shows that it's wrong.

- Do not make the autistic character forgive someone for being ableist and immediately become friends with them.

- Do not use person first language, functioning labels, or the term aspergers.

- Do not give them a bad fashion sense. My flawlessly dressed autistic self is sick of this.

- Don't have them not understand any figures of speech or metaphors. This is overdone. Some autistic people are fine with most figures of speech once we know what it means and will even use them.

- DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT CONSULT AUTISM SPEAKS!

- Do not take advice from parents with autistic children.

- Don't have them using super fancy language. Sure some autistic people talk like that but not many in my experience.

Things to do:

- This one is crucial. In all my 21 years on this earth I have NEVER encountered a canon autistic character that was allowed to hold a grudge for a significant amount of time. LET US HOLD GRUDGES 2021!!!!

- Let us be angry! Especially if you are writing a female character!! And do not demonize her for her anger.

- Let us do adult things if you are writing an adult character. Or teenage things if you are writing a teenage character. This involves swearing, drinking, dressing proactively, driving or engaging in sexual relationships and having sexual feelings. Not every adult needs to do these things to be an adult of course, but we are usually gate kept from doing these things because we are infantalized.

- Ace and Aro autistics absolutely do exist! However autistic people are usually stereotyped as not having "those kinds of feelings" so if you really want to make them aro or ace or both, really examine why.

- If you do make them ace please don't make them a "sweet innocent baby who doesn't even know what sex is"

-Just please don't fall into bad stereotypes for ace and aro characters.

- Give them diverse special interests like random movies or tv shows. We tend to like scifi and fantasy a lot. But that's not a given.

- Make them artsy or give them an interest in music. Maybe make them a singer or have them play in a band?

- Do make them a fan of rock or alternative or indie music!!! I never see that! Or even heavy metal!

- Preferably make them queer/LGBTQ we tend to not be straight especially if you're afab.

- Most of us are nonbinary, I would suggest making your autistic character nonbinary but you don't have to.

- Have them be more sensory seeking then sensory avoidant

- Have them be a motion stimmer or an auditory stimmer (have them stim by blasting music or dancing or jumping up and down, spinning around in circles, spinning on a rolling chair etc.)

- Give them an interest in fashion or makeup (not neccesarily a special interest.)

- Let them have other interests besides a special interest. We have other things we like, they just aren't as importent to us.

- Have them be stubborn but understand why and make sure the readers/audience understands.

- WRITE THEIR POV!!!!

- Write them having shutdowns instead of meltdowns.

- Don't have them constantly compromising on shit or compromising easily.

- Write them having a completed relationship with morality and "goodness."

- If they aren't aro, write them feeling very intense romantic love that consumes and overwhelmed them.

- Have them feeling very intense emotions in general.

- Have them showing love in autistic ways, ie bringing people gifts and quoting shit, parallel play etc.)

-If they are not ace or ace but not sex repulsed, if they are an adult, and you are comfortable writing it have them be hypersexual and also preferably kinky. This is actually really common in my experience.

- Have them show frustration at having to live in a neurotypical, ableist world that wasn't made for them.

- Have them struggle with communicating their feelings and finding the right words to describe their feelings.

- Have them use quotes to describe their feelings or song lyrics.

- Let them be entitled to their space and their freedom.

- Give them trust issues. Look I don't want to be defined by trauma any more then the next autistic person, but it's kind of where we're at you know?

- Have them be a little paranoid about whether or not people actually like them.

- Let them have stuffies and stim toys and chewies. They don't have to be store bought they can be home made.

- Have them be hyper-empathetic. I've never seen an autistic hyper-empathetic character before.

- Have them be good with cats.

- Have them be a good dancer/enjoy dancing.

- Have them do facial stims like scrunching up their face or twitching their nose.

- Have them lose speech during a meltdown or a shutdown and have to write things down or use a communication device for awhile.

- Have them be a bad student or struggle with school.

- Have them hate math please I will love you forever!!!!

- Have them engage in echolalia (when you hear something that sticks out to you and you repeat it back over and over again)

- Make them sarcastic! Lots of autistic people are actually really sarcastic.

- Have them struggle with executive dysfunction.

- Show them showing signs of autistic happiness!! Like happy stimming. When I get really excited I tend to shreak and jump up and down or I flap my hands or bang them against a nearby table.

- Allow them to fuck up.

- In terms of grief, have them have very emotionally delayed reactions to grief. I reccomend research autistic peoples experiences with loss specifically if you are going to make this part of the story.

- Have them experience a lot of emotional delays where things don't hit them right away.

- Have them disassociate in traumatic situations.

- Make sure in general you understand their motivations as you're writing them. Don't just have them do things because "weird quirky autistic character!"

- Give them autistic friends and let them interact with the community!

I know I'm probably forgetting stuff, but this is all I can think if for now. If you have any questions about anything or any of the points I made let me know.

#actuallyautistic #autistic representation #autistic writing references #cw sex mention #cw kink mention

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angeli-marco-writes · 3 years

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Peter Parker - drivers licence

A/N & WC - I am not trying to pretend I am Olivia Rodrigo at all: total credit for all songs and lyrics used here goes to her and her team. No disrespect is meant towards her. I do not own the songs, I also do not own the characters I’m writing these blurbs for. Please read the preface. 1.1k.

Warnings - swearing in the lyrics, minor crying, breakup angst, driving, Peter is 18+.

I got a box of tissues out ready for this one. Peter’s due back from patrol any minute, so I open the window once my dad has left, and wave out to him. He spots me and swings straight over, clambering through. His feet thud as he lands skilfully. His agility is astounding.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“I wanted to play you a song I wrote.”

“Oh!” His cute, joyful face lights up. “What’s it about?”

“The part of the breakup you helped me through. Is that ok?”

“Of course,” he says, shrugging off his suit beneath the clothes he's tugged on that I bought through for him to save time.

He takes a seat on the sofa, and looks up at me expectantly as I ready myself by the piano, gently curving my fingers over the introductory notes, breathing deeply. I’m not scared for this one, not in the least, because Peter is such a darling that I have nothing to be worried about around him.

“I like this bit,” he says.

My light chuckle leads me perfectly into my first line, perhaps a little more jovially than is intended for the sombre tone of the song.

‘I got my driver's license last week…’

Pete did, actually. I helped teach him, and that’s what inspired this. It was the best distraction I could have wished for. I’m better at teaching than doing, as Steve frequently told me with a shake of his head.

‘But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around.’

Yet Peter was, and he was the one to lace his fingers with my own as my heart stuttered at the thought of my misspent youth, my heart broken from our stupid drives. It’s a reclamation.

‘And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me,’

The spies caught them together before any paper could. I can’t say I’m surprised, he always did favour the leggy blondes with tiny waists and no scars, the malleable ones who would bend to his will so easily, the way you had to force yourself to.

‘She's everything I'm insecure about

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?’

There’s shuffling over on the sofa, and glancing over my shoulder I see that Peter, in typical Peter Parker fashion, can’t keep still. Since it’s a reprieve from the melody, a change of chords to shift into the chorus, I smile over at him, catching his pleading, molten chocolate eyes.

“Okay?” I ask him,

He nods briefly and clears his throat, “Yeah.”

I pick back up with a changed focus, ‘And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one,’

The incorrect grammar makes us both wince, but I move on.

‘And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.’

Only in the early hours.

The rustle of cushions and thud of feet rouses me before recommencing with the second verse, only to shift my chair away and find that he’s now sitting on the arm of the couch, his legs dangling, his head tilted to the side with a certain intensity, intent on hearing every word I have to sing. My gently curved fingers find the keys with ease, and the lyrics pour effortlessly from within me.

‘And all my friends are tired

Of hearing how much I miss you,’

My only friends are the Avengers, and I must concede that by now they’re sick of it. Even Peter, probably. In his own little way, he was trying to get us to break up for a while, and he was willing to be there for the fallout.

‘But I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do.’

I leap back into the chorus, allowing every emotion from love to hate, from wistfulness to a stinging bittersweet melancholy, to seep into my words, climbing a repeated quaver idea to the high end of my range. While I’m singing, I feel his presence sidle up beside me, not touching me, but just his abnormal body warmth emanating from beside me. I chance a smile at Peter, turning briefly to brush a peck to his forehead. He nuzzles into my shoulder at this.

I mimic a drumbeat with my hands on my thighs, honouring the N.C markings on my sheet music. Then I’m all in, with the most power from my diaphragm that’s been needed thus far in the song. My entire posture shifts.

‘Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe,’

I vocalise between these lines almost ethereally, shifting to my head voice in a vertiginous shift, only to switch straight back, but Peter’s presence is unfaltering.

‘Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

Over all the noise

God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still fuckin' love you, babe…’

I almost can’t help the break in my voice, the timely fall off, and the only thing to ground me from the sobs about to wrench from my chest, Peter’s arms wrap around my waist, joining around my stomach. I’m calm enough, just from this, to begin the final chorus.

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone,’

I implement a riff here that I was unsure of when first writing, but feels right, especially judging my Pete’s surprised gasp.

'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.’

At last, I end on an unfinished chord, and let my hands fall away from the piano, nuzzling into Peter’s grip. He made good use of the tissues, it seems, currently dabbing one around his tearful eyes, pushing his mussed brunet locks off his forehead. I don’t even have to ask what he thinks, he’s that intuitive.

“I loved it. You’re so talented!” he exclaims. “Thank you for teaching me how to drive.”

I laugh, almost in spite of myself, “Thanks. And you’re welcome.”

“Where should I go now? Can I download that track?”

He steps away and stands his gangly form up, giving me space to do the same, and we make our way to the door, “Soon.”

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