#only because i am worried about triggering myself again

[someoneimsure]

hey idk what's going on but i hope you're ok. i can't say i'm here for you if it's like, too heavy a topic but i'm down to distract ya or something if ya ever need it.

I really needed to talk about this apparently. So I'm going to ... talk about it and just talk about my experience with being triggered. And knowing someone is listening does help, strangely. It also might help distract with it, idk. I don't mean to overwhelm this ask but I hope it gives some context as to what was happening and that it helps other people who go through something similar.

I am a little embarrassed to talk about this and almost put all of this under a read more, but I think that might also make it worse so. Apologies for the long post.

What triggered everything is, it's--I can't say it's stupid because that makes the situation worse. It was not stupid. But it felt "stupid".

Basically, I was thinking about something to write about (a personal experience turned into a viligante!reader snippet for tumblr) only to then experience very random--okay, not really random, but seriously intrusive thoughts about my biggest traumas all at once. I was so upset that I felt I needed to leave tumblr temporarily because I believe some BS on tumblr caused it and it was--it was not stupid, my reaction to it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid" because it was a significantly delayed trauma reaction and the situation really didn't call for such an--It's not stupid, but it felt "stupid".

First time I've experienced that in a literal decade. It was horrible. Half of my brain was super pissed off about it, about myself, about my body, which did not help the part of myself that just kept spiraling down a deep dark rabbit hole of nausea, dread, and shaking. It was like a dragon stomping around in the brain while the rest of me was tumbling down a very steep mountain. It caused a lot of emotional pain and the heavy blankets I used would not work.

So I stepped off tumblr. Tried the heavier heavy blanket, which also didn't work. And discovered I couldn't write. So nothing changed.

So I went back to tumblr because there was nothing I could do to change my situation and just... talked about it? Sort of? More like complained about my body--which is not stupid, not my fault, it happens sometimes, I'm okay.

So I posted that I was experiencing something horrible and clearly it's--it was not stupid, but it felt "stupid", and the part of myself that was angry and furious and yelling about it was fighting the part of myself that was starting to seize my heart in what felt like a fist covered in iron needles. Which is the indicator that one of my worst anxiety attacks was starting, which always turns into me lying down on the floor wait for hours for the heart pain to stop.

And then I saw the responses on tumblr. And responded to them. And I felt better after posting and acknowledging that people had noticed and I realized it was Not Stupid like my brain kept telling me. The angry part of me shut up. Then I got more responses. I responded to those as well and acknowledged them, and fuck therapy works guys. I almost felt normal. The heavy blanket was working again.

So what could have been a potential trip to the hospital has turned into a learning experience and I am sooo much better now, omfg. I am also extremely exhausted and tired, haha. But I feel almost normal again. That is such a relief. I cannot express my gratitude enough for everyone who reached out and helped me.

Sorry if this is too heavy. Putting the experience into words helps me contextualize it and even feel better about it, strangely enough. I'm gonna maybe write a reader!vigilante snippet that covers the feelings aspect and how it was resolved but with the BatClan. It might turn into something longer, though I probably will not post unless someone expresses interest.

Thank you sincerely for the ask. <3

#i am not ready to talk about the trauma that did trigger this #only because i am worried about triggering myself again #chest and throat are still a little tight but otherwise i feel so normal right now #i could cry i feel so good #just thank you so much for asking! <3 #asks #personal stuff #my body is exhausted but at least it's not super exhausted #i am probably going to bed early because of all this #i forgot that i actually started writing because it was like therapy #it made me feel better #triggered

[dredshirtroberts]

hey. hey universe. hey fucker universe.

no one said you could bring back the Wednesday Curse, bitch. fuck off with this shit i didn't need any of this first thing today.

#the Wednesday Curse is related to a span of about... almost 10 years of every single wednesday having something major go wrong #''major'' is a strong word but it would always feel big and afterwards would be when i would notice it was wednesday #it was a lot and i got very tired of it very quickly but it eventually stopped and i stopped noticing wednesdays #because they stopped being bad every single week #i would wake up on a wednesday bracing for whatever terrible news i would learn or whatever horrible thing would happen inevitably #and i stopped having to do that #my dreams lately have been absolutely horrific and last nights/this mornings was.... worse than usual in a way i wasn't anticipating that's #made me very very worried about a dear friend i can't easily reach out to and i'm doing my best at waiting patiently for a response #but it's hard and then the tire on the car exploded *again* so we're scrambling to figure out how to fix that and we've got a plan #and at least 3 butches on the job and it's going to be okay in the end but i have extreme car anxiety and tires going out is one of the mai #triggers for that and i'm just #i'm also still dealing with the tail end (hopefully) of an upper respiratory infection which makes all the crying i keep doing difficult #because i keep needing to hack my lungs out because breathing sucks rn even though i've had all my meds for it #and i'm just... it's just... anyway #i'm having a rough morning #but i am surrounded by people who are very lovely and care a lot and are willing and able to help with whatever they can #and that's helped a lot and it's just... i know i gotta wait patiently for resolution on things and i'm gonna do my best #to calm myself down and try to be less anxious but i'm only able to do that because of the love that surrounds me and it's a lot #it's all a lot and idk man #the spectre of my dad is doing his best to ruin it but he doesn't exist here in this space it's just a bad memory and no one is at fault

[footballerimaginess]

Baby Bellingham

This is about a dream that I had and you voted for Jude. Jude Bellingham Word Count: 687 "I am so tired" you let out a loud over exaggerated yawn as Jude spins around on his gaming chair as he watched you. "How are you so tired? you literally only got up an hour ago." Jude looked at you with a slight hint of concern in his voice.

"I don't know, maybe I didn't sleep well. I have been feeling like this for a while now. I just can't seem to shift it at all and I don't get why" you sighed as you laid your head on the side as he walked over to you. "Oh really, you should have told me. Maybe we need to see the doctor?" Jude suggested. "What, no J. I am absolutely fine, I don't need to go anywhere. Maybe I am just coming down with something" you quickly dismissed the doctors suggestion. "Why not babe? You need to know what is going on, you're like a zombie these days and I am a bit worried about you if I am honest" Jude muttered as he sat down on the sofa beside you. "But what if it is bad? I am just scared, I don't feel myself and I can't seem to shake it off. Okay shall I speak to the doctor?" you asked as you stood up, feeling off balance as Jude caught you. "Maybe we should go and see the doctor now, is there something you're not telling me?" Jude asked again. "What would I be hiding from you? I'm fine" you mumbled, wanting this conversation to be over with. "Well we both know that you aren't, so`I want to ask you something?" Jude turned and faced you as you simply nodded. "Yes?" you glanced up and saw him nervously bit his lip as he was hesitant to ask you the question. "Is there a chance that you could be pregnant?" he asked bluntly as you opened your mouth to reply, but something triggered in your brain. "Oh fuck- how did you know?" you clasped your hands over your mouth as you felt a small tear escape down your face. "I just guessed and well I looked at the symptoms online. Shall we go and get you some tests or to the doctor?" Jude asked as he moved across as he wiped your eyes gently. "Get a test I suppose, how could I have been so stupid" you put your head in your hands as Jude kneels down in front of you. "Hey, none of that please baby. You weren't stupid or are stupid. Come here, we can do this together" Jude cuddled you tightly as he helped you up off from the chair as you headed to the car. The drive was only a quick drive, but it felt like it was taking forever to get inside and grab a test. "You okay going in?" He asked as you grabbed your phone and purse as you ran into the local pharmacy. "Got one, shit who knew there were so many types of tests in one place. My mind was all over the place picking one, so I just picked two because well guess they are better than none" you laughed as you both drove home. Once you got home, you made sure you ripped the test box open as you took the test. "3 minutes" you whispered as you placed the test on the counter as Jude slowly opened the door as he crept in behind you. "This feels like the longest time ever" he laughed as you examined the test in front of you. "Shit" you whispered as you watched as the digital test flashed right in front of you. "Oh my god" you pointed as you saw the test result changed as it said 'Pregnant 2-3 weeks' you gasped loudly as Jude watched the test as if the result was going to change. "Wow, we are having a baby" Jude whispered as he pulled his hand into your hand. "We are, I can't believe it. Baby Bellingham is in there" you mumbled as he placed his hand on your stomach. "Baby Bellingham" he grinned.

Would you like a part 2 or make this into a series until the baby?

Taglist: @screechingphantompuppy @ghwoticz

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #football imagines #football imagine #football one shots #football one shot #futbol imagines #futbol imagine #football x reader #football x you

[mccardswife]

We've got your back

lionesses x teen!reader

lucy bronze x teen!reader

summary: lionesses x teen!reader, where r struggles with social anxiety and her older teammates support her.

(this was a request, but the request disappeared. but here it is!)

warnings: social anxiety, angst, nightmare, fluff and mentions of panic attack, please remind me if there is more tw! (do not read if you get triggered)

word count: 2826

i hope you like this one, i loved the request and i got really satisfied with the oneshot!

hope you enjoy!

——————————————————————————

You zoned out again, probably for the dozen time this week. It is England camp and you know what that means, I love all my england teammates trust me. They are like my family but I have a secret no one knows about, not even my teammates at Arsenal.

I have social anxiety, i feel very ashamed by it. It is so embarrassing that I need to take medications to function, and even when I take them I don't feel like myself.

It was day 2 of england camp. Which means we arrived yesterday. I am roomies with Lucy this camp because Jordan is with her lover (Leah). I love rooming with Lucy, she is like a mother to me. She is very protective but I try keeping my diagnosis a secret from her. Sometimes I even call her mom.

I am 17 now and when i first got called up to the national team I was 15 so the whole team, especially the older girls and Lucy are very protective over me and they helped me when i struggled with panic attacks during my first call ups and my debut for England.

8:00 clock

The alarm went off on Lucy's phone, I did not sleep very well. I had an awful nightmare in the middle of the night, that is all i think about now. I am just so scared that people will judge me for what i say. After conversations with the team last night I regret what i said, you did not say something bad. But you just feel being judged. The most awful feeling in the world.

My mom turned off the alarm and turned to me, I probably looked awful because I slept like shit. "Oh y/nn, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes, just did not sleep very well" I said back. I started walking towards the bathroom exhaustively when she came up behind me and gave me a hug. "You know we are here for you right", she said. I just hugged her back saying "I know mom, i love you" and walked in the bathroom locking the door getting ready.

When I was done I unlocked the door and asked Lucy if she was ready to go down for breakfast. You see, we have two bathrooms. So each one of us has their private bathroom. I totally love it.

When we open our door Jordan and Leah stood there already waiting for us, they have the room beside us and we always walk down for breakfast together.

I have never been so scared before but after my nightmare last night I am really scared now, the only one who knows I have social anxiety is my manager at Arsenal, Jonas Eidevall and my manager at the national team, Sarina Wiegman.

It's an obligation for them to know because mental health is very important and because I take medications everyday. That reminds me, I forgot to take it this morning. Shit.

When we walked into the dining room I was sweating and nervous as crazy. I was shaking non stop and couldn't wait for my breakfast so I could sit down alone in peace. Just thinking.

After getting my food, I decided to eat some and oatmeal today. Because the oatmeal here is hella good.

Anyway I walked towards an empty table when I heard a familiar voice calling my name, I turned around and saw the gaffer, Sarina Wiegman.

Shit

"Y/n, could we talk outside for a minute please?". She asked me with a smile but I could tell the concerning look in her eyes when she saw me fiddling with my fingers anxiously.

"Yes, of course" I said with a shaky voice I think the whole team heard because when me and Sarina walked outside of the room I could see in the corner of my eye Lucy and the other girls watching me with questioning but worried looks.

When me and Sarina got outside she looked me in the eye and asked if something was on my mind. I said no. "Are you sure y/nn?, it is important that we know everything".

"Okay fine, I have been really struggling with nightmares and I had a panic attack a few hours before arriving to England camp yesterday" I said with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes.

"Oh honey, it is okay! Totally okay to have ups and downs, everyone here would support you, which got me asking, does anybody know about your social anxiety? And have you taken your medications today?" she asked...

I looked down in shame, no and no I told her.

"I am really sorry Sarina but it is so hard, I don't want to be judged if I tell the others, and be treated differently.

"Honey, it is very important that you open up, I really think it is time for you to open up, and I promise you that none of the girls will judge you, we all love you and want to support you! You will not get treated differently, everyone has their own struggles, do not feel embarrassed by it", she said to me sternly but very soft.

Which is one of the things I like about Sarina, a brilliant manager but first and foremost a amazing women who cares about every one of us as her kids.

Me and Sarina talked a bit more and she told me that because I have been struggling a lot with my anxiety and sleeping I will not start tomorrow, when we play against Ireland in the euro qualifier at Wembley. Which I totally understand, I need to get my shit together and open up because I hopefully think I will feel much better then. Also feel closer with my teammates, not that I am not close with them. trust me I am but recently I have been shutting down and try to isolate from the others, which they now have realised.

Sarina has some of my medications in her office, incase I forget to bring or take mine so we went to her office and I took them, with disgust. It makes me feel different, I don't like that.

"Y/n, is it not your fault you have social anxiety, okay? Trust me, you are not different, okay. Now you need to go to breakfast before training".

She then gave me a hug and I left her office. Have I told you that I love the hugs Sarina gives, it is probably one of the best hugs ever!

I walked towards the dining room again and looked at my phone and saw that I was with Sarina for almost 20 minutes, now Lucy is probably really worried.

I thought about how I am going to tell the team. I am first going to tell Lucy and some of the veterans on the team.

When I walked inside dining room some of the tables were in a middle of a conversation and did not see me, unfortunately Lucy looked up at the door the second it open.

Lucys pov

Sarina called y/n outside and I would be lying if I said I was not worried. I am sitting with the group I always sit with at England camp, Leah, Keira, Georgia, Rachel, Millie, Jordan, Mary and Beth Mead. I have been worried about y/n for a while, I sat deep in my thoughts thinking about y/n when Rach suddenly asked. "Lucy, you good? You've been sitting spaced out for a while".

"Yes I am ok, i am just a bit worried about the youngster, in other words y/nn". As much as i love her I want what's best for her and I really think she is struggling with something, she always seems scared, nervous and it gives me signs of anxiety".

"Yeah that is actually true" Leah said, "Her being on arsenal me, Beth and Jordan pretty much see y/n everyday and she seems very tense". Millie being the softie she is said "We should probably try talk to her later when she comes back".

"Good idea, I say. "but I can't stop thinking about why Sarina wanted to talk to her".

Keira leaned over to me and whispered in my ear "stop being so nervous love, we will talk to her and support y/nn no matter what".

I just kissed her on the cheek and said thank you.

We sat there eating and making small talk when I looked at the clock, y/n has been away for like 20 minutes now. I am kind of starting to get nervous now

But as I thought of her the door opened and there she walked in deep in her thoughts with a hard look on her face. She picked up her food she got earlier and wanted to sit alone, she walked past us but Jordan grabbed her wrist softly asking "You want to sit with us?, there is an empty chair beside Georgia".

Reader´s pov again

I picked up my food I left on an empty table before I was pulled out to talk with Sarina and was walking towards and empty table, but as I was walking past the table Lucy and the other girls were on I felt a hand grabbing my wrist, softly but suddenly.

it was Jordan

"You want to sit with us?, there is an empty chair beside Georgia".

The table consisted of Lucy, Leah, Keira, Georgia, Rachel, Millie the brick wall Bright, Jordan, Mary and Beth Mead.

Deciding not to be rude I said "Yeah sure", with probably the shakiest voice for the 100th times today. I walked over and sat beside Georgia

Then I felt as I was being watch, I looked every one of them in the eye and I asked if something was wrong.

Lucy for the second time today asked "Are you ok y/nn, all of us are pretty worried about you". Beth said "Yeah, the whole team are and we want to know what's been up with you?, what did Sarina want to talk to you about?.

Leah being the skipper she is, saw you felt a bit overwhelmed with all the questions, "Relax, one question at a time" she said with a soft smile on her face.

I want to open up I thought, but at the same thing I don't.. why does it have to be so hard? Am I going to get judged, I know what Sarina told me but still".

"Babe" Lucy said "What is going on in that pretty mind of yours?".

I felt tears starting to drop and my hands shaking on the table while my foot was bouncing like crazy. When I felt Georgia's hand on my shoulder pulling me in for a side hug I lost it.

"I have social anxiety, i have been diagnosed with it for a few months. Only Jonas and Sarina know. I take medications for it, Sarina know that something has been up with me so she asked me if some of you knew, if I took my meds today, which I forgot so I needed to take them with her.".....

It got quiet for a second and I thought I was going to die for a minute, but Lucy walked over and gave me a hug from behind.

"Why did you not tell us?" Keira asked,

"I am really sorry about that, I felt ashamed. Embarrassed for needing to take meds and not being a fully functional human being. I am not normal, I was afraid of getting treated differently"...

"And that you would secretly judge me" I said in a very low voice but the girls heard.

Millie said to me sternly "You are the best human being a person could ask for, we would never judge you ever. We only want to help, we had our suspicions about it because we saw the signs".

Rachel jumped also in and said "We've got your back babe, you are perfect the way you are, no need to be ashamed of a diagnosis that is not your fault.

Mary being the angel she is said "I kind of know how you feel, when I was at my lowest a few years ago it was hell. but I had the best people who helped me through it and now we want to be the people to help you!"

Gosh how I love all of them, they are so supporting and caring but I was still very scared because I have not told them about my nightmares and panic attacks yet.

Lucy or my so called mum asked because she knows me through and through "Is there something more you want to tell us"

"Yes, but please don't be mad", you said in a begging voice.

"Of course we won't me mad love" Keira said in a reassuring tone.

"The nightmares and panic attacks has come back and it is worse now than ever. I had a nightmare last night, that is why I could not sleep. And I have been heavily struggled with panic attacks and nightmare for a long time, because of my anxiety. A few hours before we travelled to England camp yesterday I had the worst panic attack ever. I got it under control eventually by myself after maybe an hour, but felt uneasy for the rest of the day"

"It is ok not to be ok, but this is serious, we all care and want to help you. It sucks that you have felt this way y/nn" Jordan said with the biggest smile, it looked sad but kind.

"I am really sorry about not telling, but I promise I will be more open but you need to understand it is very difficult for me" I said, "And I am sorry mom, it is not your fault. I know you were asleep when I had the nightmare but I could not bear myself to wake you, I felt embarrassed" I said to Lucy.

Lucy´s pov

"And I am sorry mom, it is not your fault. I know you were asleep when I had the nightmare but I could not bear myself to wake you, I felt embarrassed"

Hearing those words come out of my daughter´s mouth broke me. I tried not to let tears fall but it was impossible now. I am her biggest supporter and I always will be. I just want her to know that

"You are amazing, brilliant, caring, loving and all other kind words I could say! I love you so much my babygirl."

Reader´s pov again

"I love you to mom". I said to Lucy.

Leah said sternly to me "You need to go see a therapist, when we come back at arsenal again we will go twice a week and I will go with you then me, Beth and Jordan can switch who would go with you"

"Seriously?" I groaned.

"Yes", they all said sternly in sync.

"Okay then, but Leah, you, Beth, and Jordan don't need to go with me"

"But we want to" the three of them said gladly.

"Thank you" I said looking down...

"Come here y/nn" Georgia said pulling me in for a hug, I love Georgias hugs.

Every one of the girls gave me a bear crushing hug telling me

"We will always be here for you babe, just call or text or do anything. And we will be there in an eye blink for you! We are so glad you told us, now we just need to tell the others."

"Could we please do it later?" I asked nervously...

"Of course" Rachel said.

"When we are back at arsenal we gotta tell our arsenal teammates too" Beth said.

"I know I know..." I said.

"I will always support you kid, I love you so much and I will always do. You are literally my kid just not official. I would love to be your official mom tho, if you'd have me?" Lucy asked.

I looked at her in utterly shock, and the other girls looked at us in awe.

"Are you serious, please be serious?" I asked with my mouth hanging open.

"Of course, as I said I love you like my own family". Lucy told me with tears

I said loudly "Yes, of course I would want you to adopt me, it kind of feel like you already have tho but still omg".

I started crying again but this time happy tears, while I gave my mom a big hug the girls took a photo of us and gave us a hug.

The perfect group hug.

Little did y/n know that Sarina stood outside watching everything that just had happen, you telling the others about your struggles and Lucy confessing how she feel about you.

Sarina really felt like a proud mom now.

"I am really the best momager ever" Sarina said walking away chuckling with the most heartwarming smile on her face ever.

#leah williamson x reader #leah williamson #lucy bronze x reader #lucy bronze #sarina wiegman #arsenal women x reader #arsenal wfc #arsenal wfc x reader #lionesses #lionesses x reader #engwnt x reader #woso soccer #woso community #alessia russo #jordan nobbs #engwnt #woso #mary earps #keira walsh x reader #keira walsh #beth mead #georgia stanway x reader #millie bright x reader #rachel daly #england #engwnt imagine #oneshot #woso imagine #woso x reader

[bananastarion]

Rambling headcanons about how Astarion's trauma could manifest in your relationship.

Disclaimer: I am not fetishizing trauma or PTSD here. I have C-PTSD myself, and have dated others with it as well. So some of this is (loosely) inspired by my own experiences. It's not pretty, it's not fun, but I'd say it's pretty realistic. So yeah, fair warning! Anyway, let's gooooo

Astarion isn't fazed by much, but he IS claustrophobic- having to claw your way out of your own coffin, being trapped in a mindflayer pod and being trapped in a tomb for a year straight would do that to anyone. If he is ever unfortunate enough to be stuck in a small space again, he'll go into a blind panic. He'll hyperventilate and try to force his way out any way he can, and if he can't get out in time he'll just completely mentally shut down for a bit. If you plan to pull him into a little broom closet for a sneaky fuck, just forget it ok? You will probably get your eyes accidentally clawed out.

There is a long period in your relationship where Astarion is gradually getting more comfortable with being vulnerable around you, but he's also very self-conscious about it. He doesn't want you to pity him or think he's weak. You will be tempted to give him lots of validation and praise to make up for all of the psychological abuse he endured, to reassure him that he's finally safe and free, and that you love him for more than just his body. That his problems won't ever drive you away, and that you don't judge him. He appreciates your words deeply, he wants and needs them more than he cares to admit. But at the same time, they completely overwhelm him. Finally being in a good place with a caring partner is such a stark contrast to what he's been through, that it forces him to see even deeper into the void inside him and recognize just how badly he was treated, how deprived he's been. They hit him hard in both good and bad ways, and sometimes he'll tell you to stop because he just can't handle feeling so much right now. It's best to stick to mostly surface level stuff and ease carefully into the deeper, more meaningful observations.

The sweeter your words, the more his mind races with fears that you are idealizing him and eventually you'll come to see him for what he really is- and then abandon him. Fears that he'll come to depend on your kindness only for it to be ripped away, whether by you or by circumstances beyond his control. Fears that you don't really mean it, that you're just manipulating him the way he did to others. Deep down he hopes and trusts you're sincere, but it's just so hard to accept when Cazador's voice is in his head, countering all of it. This is all so new to him, so unknown. And the unknown is terrifying. He gets frustrated that your kindness does this to him, he wants to be able to embrace your words, he's so impatient to heal and finally be over this shit already. He judges himself so harshly for still struggling with all this. Cazador's dead, he is free, he has someone who truly loves him- why isn't that enough?! Why can't he fully appreciate it, is he just going to feel broken forever? He worries he'll take too long to get over his past, and you'll get tired of it and leave. Expect to give him lots of reassurance about all of this.

He doesn't like to cry around you, but over time you will lower his guard enough that he'll stop fighting back the tears quite so much. Sometimes it's a bad dream, sometimes you say something that just hits him hard (even if it's in a good way), and sometimes he has no idea what triggered it. You tell him he can wake you up any time if he needs you, but often he chooses not to wake you and just suffers through it alone. When it happens while you're both awake, at first he would roll over and face away from you when the tears started flowing if he couldn't collect himself, and you'd just hug him from behind. But eventually he feels comfortable enough to bury his face in your chest and just let it all out. When it's really bad, he'll be trembling and hugging you so tightly as he sobs into your shirt that it's almost hard for you to breathe. The best thing you can do is just be there with him, stroke his hair, caress the tears off his cheeks. It can be dicey, but eventually you learn to read him well enough that sometimes stroking the scars on his back very gently can be healing for him. There are other times though, when this will be too much for him. Same goes for kissing. Also, don't even think about telling anyone you've seen him like this. But of course, why would you?

Don't go into therapist mode with him when he's that vulnerable, and if he decides to talk, just let him talk. Hold space for him and be there with him. Afterwards, help ground him in the present and reconnect him to his senses by pointing out things in the room, remind him that it's not all happening to him right now. Realize how special it is that he feels safe enough with you to be so vulnerable. There are times when he even breaks down during sex, and he'll say that he's fine and you can keep going, but it's for the best to stop what you're doing and check in instead. He often dissociates when he's triggered, and doesn't realize something is wrong until it's too late.

Trauma isn't always pretty, and there are times when it does strain your relationship. When he's really triggered, he might take it out on you. He'll try his best to push you away, and say terrible things he doesn't mean. Perhaps things Cazador said to him. His articulate manner of speech can be sharper than his blade when wielded against you in the heat of the moment. He doesn't believe you can love this side of him, that he is fundamentally broken and unlovable, so it's a test of sorts to prove his own fears. He doesn't necessarily realize what he's doing, he's just lashing out from a point of pure fear. Trauma is an explanation for this behavior, but not an excuse, so it's important you set very firm and consistent boundaries when he gets like this. He might not appreciate it in the moment, but he will once he calms down.

It takes some time for him to feel truly secure with you, but he's getting there. In the meantime, he's starting to get a little clingy and codependent. He's not used to having so much freedom, and doesn't always know what to do with himself when you're not around. Being in your presence is when he's closest to feeling safe and at ease, and being apart for too long can cause his mind to race, especially when he has nothing to distract himself with. It drives him crazy that it gets to him so much- he's never been dependent on anyone before, and this side of him surprises himself. He hates it, which only stresses him out more. He tries to play it off, but it's very obvious he is struggling with separation anxiety. You don't want to overindulge him, but to ease his fears you decide to get a pair of magical rings. You can make each other's rings glow whenever you want- so if Astarion is feeling lonely, he can make your ring glow and you can make his glow back. Sometimes, just that is enough to get him through a rough day without you. Once he has done some more healing, eventually he will come to enjoy his alone time in a way he's never gotten to before in his life, and as much as you enjoy spending time with him, you'll be so happy for him to finally have that.

#astarion #headcanons #baldur's gate 3 #astarion/tav

[inamagicalhallucination]

Atsushi’s hands trembled as he waited for the phone to be answered. He hoped Dazai-san would answer. Atsushi had seen him ignore phone calls often – though he usually picked up for Atsushi (specifically after he hadn’t picked up once when Atsushi had gotten kidnapped (again); though Atsushi hadn’t blamed him because it was 4 am at the time, and Dazai had been, for once, asleep). But Atsushi had watched as Dazai-san hung up (on numbers he had saved), watched them ring (on numbers he was clearly familiar with but were not saved), or turned on his airplane mode. Dazai really avoided phone calls.

Atsushi had a general sense of hope that Dazai wouldn’t ignore him – but he wasn’t calling from his own phone. He didn’t even know where it was.

Instead, Atsushi was in a phone booth; the only light he had was the pale yellow of the streetlight. No one was out and about, all the buildings around him were dark and vacant. Atsushi didn’t know where he was.

He didn’t know how he’d gotten here.

Had he been kidnapped? He couldn’t remember. The last thing he remembered was walking home after work. If he’d been kidnapped perhaps his memory had been wiped. Still, even if it was nice to try and think of a logical solution, it did not settle the eerie unease he felt. 

Especially since he didn’t feel injured. Perhaps Byakko had overtaken… but his clothes were unharmed minus a few dirt stains here and there. He looked… he felt…

He hoped Dazai-san picked up.

He looked around, wishing he could recognize something, anything – just a trigger. Something that would bring back…

“‘ello?” an achingly familiar voice mumbled, half asleep. Atsushi almost sobbed in relief.

“Da-Dazai-san?”

A pause and some shuffling.

“Atsushi? What number is this? Why aren’t you calling from your phone?” Atsushi felt a sob slip past his lips. His shaking wavered at Dazai’s voice though. 

“Atsushi?” Dazai sounded really uncomfortable. If Atsushi had had the energy to think about it, he’d laugh at Dazai’s inability to deal with emotions.

“Daz-Dazai-san,” he wailed, not being able to push all the words and worries he had out in the open. 

He felt like a child.

“Atsushi? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“I-I,” he took in a deep breath before forcing himself to continue, “I don't know-know whe-re I am– I- I ca-can’t re-member anything.”

There was a pause again and then shuffling.

“Ah, I see,” Dazai said, voice suddenly light. “Atsushi-kun got lost!”

Atsushi sniffled miserably.

“And needs his big, great, strong mentor to come rescue him!” 

Even through his tears, Atsushi snorted. He wiped at his eyes – his hands weren’t shaking anymore.

“Do you recognize any buildings?” 

Atsushi shook his head, remembered himself, and mumbled ‘no’.

“That’s fine,” Dazai continued, “for an amazing mentor– no for an amazing beam of existence such as myself– this is no challenge! Can you read any signs? On buildings or on the street?”

That, Atsushi could do. 

He looked around, wiped his eyes again so his vision wouldn’t be tear-blurry, and called for Byakko’s vision just in case. He muttered off any sign he could catch until Dazai hummed and said he was on his way.

“You know wh-where I’m at?” Atsushi asked.

“Yeah,” Dazai said, absentmindedly, “I tried to sell Kunikida-kun coke there.” 

He hung up before Atsushi could ask.

Atsushi squatted down, resting his arms and head on his knees. He was trying to calm himself before Dazai showed up. Though he’d pulled from Byakko again, transforming his ears, to make sense of any noise that could indicate Dazai. 

When Dazai came, after half an hour or perhaps an hour, or perhaps even 10 minutes, Atsushi sent him a wobbly smile. He didn’t offer anything else and Dazai didn’t ask. Not about why he was there or why he was curled up on the seat during the car ride.

Nor did he comment on Atsushi’s grip on his jacket as they left the car. 

He simply let Atsushi follow him back to his own apartment as if it was a perfectly normal thing for him to do.

The next day, when he cautiously approached Ranpo, hoping to get some insight into his potential kidnapping and memory loss, he was met with strangely sad green eyes as Ranpo assured him that he hadn’t been kidnapped at all. Instead, Ranpo said, he should go see Yosano. 

He lingered at her door but shrugged it off. He had probably transformed. Yeah, that was it. He just needed to focus more.

Ranpo stared at him as he walked back to his desk, but did not say anything. 

When he sat down, Dazai reached one long leg over to tap his foot but also did not say anything.

/

Atsushi ignored it for a week.

Then he found himself blinking around in a vaguely familiar alleyway, trying to figure out what had happened. He looked around, trying to remember how he’d gotten here. He scrunched his eyes shut, desperately trying to remember his last memories but it was all a blank from him leaving his apartment in the morning.

Atsushi shuddered, trying to calm himself.

This was okay.

It was probably Byakko. He just needed to breathe, he needed to calm down.

Breathe.

Breathe…

Just breathe-

“Weretiger?” 

Atsushi spun around, hands flinging into a defense position. He was greeted by yellow hair.

“H-Higuchi?” he blinked, taking in the confused frown on his old attacker’s face.

“What are you doing in mafia territory?” she asked, looking around cautiously, perhaps checking if he was alone. For a moment he pondered if she was here on purpose… was it a coincidence? The mafia had tried to capture him before. Perhaps they’d done it again. Perhaps they’d been behind the other day too… but the alliance… would they risk it?

Before he could work himself up though, Higuchi’s name was called by a voice that should have filled Atsushi with dread.

Instead, though, it washed over him in relief, in familiarity. He didn’t know Higuchi well. Only meeting her when Akutagawa was there or that memorable time they had stalked Gin.

But Akutagawa… He was familiar. He’d know where Atsushi was. He’d-

“Jinko?” Akutagawa scowled at him. His coat rippled. Atsushi almost sobbed, half delirious in relief, half upset at himself for somehow associating Akutagawa with safety. 

Rashomon reached out but faltered as Akutagawa (and Higuchi) stared at him with wide eyes.

“Um… are you crying?” Higuchi asked tentatively. She shifted awkwardly. 

“Ak-Akutagawa,” Atsushi cried out, reaching up to pat his eyes dry and getting frustrated when more tears spilled.

Akutagawa, for his part, was looking around the alley, looking as if his skin was being peeled off and clearly looking to run away.

If he ran away though, Atsushi would lose his sense of familiarity, his grounding. He stumbled forward. Scared, an expression Atsushi had never seen on him before, Akutagawa stepped back. 

Akutagawa had, embarrassingly, seen Atsushi cry before. So his disturbed act was a little confusing. Usually, he’d scoff at him. 

Though perhaps Atsushi looking at him like he was his only lifeline was what had him freaked out. Atsushi shuffled forward. Akutagawa took another step back. Atsushi shuffled forward more, reaching a trembling hand to grip at Akutagawa’s coat. Akutagawa turned wild eyes at Higuchi who looked just as lost. 

“Ple-please, tak-take me,” Atsushi sniffled again, “...home.” Back at the agency, where he was safe, and not confused. Where it was familiar and warm. Where he should’ve talked to Yosano but didn’t and ended up here. 

He couldn’t remember-

“Uh,” Akutagawa said, reaching out a hand, stopping mid-way, and then continuing to awkwardly pat at Atsushi’s hand, perhaps subtly telling him to let the fuck go, “sure?”

“I’ll take care of the rest… I mean we’re almost done since Senpai was so quick!” Higuchi said, lacking her usual bright tone, instead sounding awkward and as if she was covering up that awkwardness.

Atsushi nodded miserably and leaned forward, burying his head in Akutagawa’s coat, trying to keep his focus on his very real, tangible form and not the confusion in his head. Akutagawa coughed.

Higuchi coughed too. Then Atsushi listened to her footsteps leaving, pausing every now and then, but continuing forward anyway.

“Jinko…” Akutagawa coughed again, “Release me, you fool.”

It seemed his confusion had left. And his Akutagawa-ness had come back.

“No,” Atsushi said. Akutagawa reached out both arms and grabbed his shoulders to push him back. Atsushi struggled for a second, before grabbing his wrist. Akutagawa glared at him. Atsushi stared at him.

Akutagawa turned around and started to stomp away, his wrist still in Atsushi’s grasp.

Atsushi stumbled over his feet, half walking and half running to keep up. However, Akutagawa’s quick pace worked in his favor as they arrived at the familiar bricked building in no time. Akutagawa stood in front of the door of the building. Atsushi stood next to him. Akutagawa gestured to the door. Atsushi stared at him.

“Walk.” Akutagawa said through gritted teeth, “Through.”

But…

But Atsushi had just been outside these doors last time… he’d gotten out, and walked to his apartment… and then it had been night and he’d been sobbing in a payphone booth, hoping Dazai would come soon.

Atsushi’s grip tightened. Akutagawa glared at him as if he was everything wrong in the world, but opened the door and walked in, anyway. Atsushi’s grip tightened more, causing Akutagawa, who was about to stop walking in the cafe, to falter for a second before he continued on. Up the stairs, through the hallway… and in front of the doors.

Akutagawa opened the door, ripped his wrist out of Atsushi's grip, and pushed him in.

He was greeted by looks of relief.

“Atsushi…” Kyouka’s voice came. He turned towards her. She was looking at him with concern, glancing at where Akutagawa had stood only seconds ago.

“I’m-I’m fine,” Atsushi tried to smile. Her frown deepened. “I, uh, I got lost.”

“Lost?” Junichiro chimed in, looking equally confused and relieved.

“Yeah… uh…” He didn’t have to make up an excuse as Naomi spoke up.

“I see,” she said, giving him a shaky smile that betrayed her own worries, “we never really gave you a proper tour of Yokohama. How silly of us!”

Kunikida, who had been looking between him and Ranpo, coughed once. “Yes, that was forgetful of us. I will add it to our schedule.”

Like that the tension…. Well, it didn’t break. It still lingered. But it seemed everyone was willing to give him space. He appreciated it. He needed to work up the courage to tell Yosano that he… that something was happening.

He hadn’t been kidnapped…

He hadn’t transformed… it was hard for the tiger to overtake in the middle of the day, like today. 

So…

It wasn’t as if Atsushi’s memory was strong. Heck, he hadn’t even remembered he’d killed someone before. At least until Shibusawa had somehow come back to life and had to be killed again. But that had been a traumatic experience and everyone had said it was probably an subconscious attempt to bury it because he couldn’t emotionally or mentally handle it at the time. But what was traumatic about walking?

Atsushi hesitantly walked towards Yosano’s office.

#atsushi nakajima #bungo stray dogs #quick fic as i procrastinate a whole paper

[skzpvol]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ THE BRIGHTEST STAR - bang chan ࿐ྂ

pairing: nonidol!bang chan x gn!reader

genre: angst, no comfort (i warned you)

warning: mentions of suicide, cursing, the entire drabble is full of hurt

words: 0.8k

synopsis: Chan visits you again. What will you say to you this time?

a/n (1): this drabble is triggering, so please if you are sensitive to the warnings DO NOT read. Your health is my priority and remember that you are not alone, you will never be. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. English is not my first language, so tell me if I made some mistakes.

«hi my love, i’ve missed you. Do you remember what day is it? It’s our anniversary and I really can’t believe that we’ve come this far. The younger me would be so proud to hear I’ve been with the love of my life for six years now. And I would do anything to spend this special day with you. Actually I don’t really want to celebrate. It would be useless if I’m alone. 

«I bought your favorite flowers today. Hope you will appreciate them. Do you remember the first time I bought you flowers? They were roses and you were so scared to tell me you were allergic. I felt guilty but when I saw you laughing I thought it was all worthy. Even tho I tried to kill you, hearing and seeing your laugh for the first time was like being transported to heaven. I immediately felt lighter and happier. You’ve always made me the happiest. It’s a shame that happiness is gone now. But it’s not your fault, if anything it’s mine. 

«the boys miss you too. You know, one week ago we met all together for the first time after the accident and I tried, I tried so hard to distract myself. I did everything I could, they did everything, but it was all pointless. I told them I was fine, that I felt like I was already moving on, but they were all lies. I can’t help it. I don’t want them to be worried. They’ve already suffered enough and I don’t to be another burden. 

«I wrote you a song. Yes, another one. It seems like you are still my biggest inspiration. I really want to sing it to you, but it’s not finished yet. You need to wait just a little more. I promise you, the next time I’ll come with the lyrics. Just wait for me. 

«why y/n? Why did you do this to me? Was I not enough? Did you feel like you couldn’t trust me? Why? Why did you not search for help? I would have been there. I would have listened to each of your worries. I would have stayed with you. I would have told you that everything was going to be okay, that you were not alone. So why did you never told me how you were really feeling? Fuck- why? I know that it’s anyone fault, but I feel like I’m the only culprit. I know that i should not be mad at you, but I am. I’m madly angry. I wanna scream, cry and at the same time let everything go. But you will still not come back to me. So why should I try anyway?

«I’ve always seen suicide like a way to die for cowards. I’ve always thought that people who chose it were selfish. But who am I to think about it like that now, if I wasn’t even capable of helping you? I’m the real selfish because in 6 fucking years I wasn’t be able to look into you, to look through you. You were suffering and I didn’t do anything. I tried to blame you when you told me you needed me, so who am I to fucking say you are the selfish one? I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. 

«the last time I saw you, you were happier. I remember that I even asked you why. You just told me “today is a beautiful day” and before I left you said “I love you, always will” for the last time. If I only knew. I read somewhere that a star burns brightest in its final moments and I get it now. Every time I look at the sky I always wonder if you are finally happy. When I look at the glowing stars I always think it’s your way to tell me that you are there. You are there and you are okay. You are protecting me. 

«I cry. A lot. Even now, I can’t stop crying. The guilt it’s really hard to bear. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgust towards myself. And you would probably be disappointed too if you saw me like this. You want me to be happy, but I can’t. Not without you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t look out for you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when I was supposed to. I’m sorry that i was the worst boyfriend you could ever ask for. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. 

«will I ever be able to see you again? I really hope so. But I’ll make sure to look at the sky every single night and look out for the brightest star. Because you are there, aren’t you? 

«please wait for me, I still have to sing you a song. You will be proud of me, I promise.

a/n (2): hiii, how are you? I’m finally on school break! Sorry if I’m being inactive BUT, apart from school that is really stressing me out, I’m working on a bunch of things (a long ass fic and a smau :)) ). I probably already said this, BUT I’M GOING TO SEE MY STRAY KIDS IN JULY AFTER TWO YEARS, AND I’M THE HAPPIEST. I cannot really wait. Btw, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it. I also ask you to like it and tell me your opinion about this to help me to improve. Have a good day / night 🫶🏻

#bang chan #bang chris #skz angst #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #i.n fluff #lee know #kim seungmin #lee minho #stray kids fic #bang chan x reader #bang chan x you #bang chan angst #han jisung angst #hyunjin angst #skz x reader #skz scenarios #stray kids x reader #changbin angst #lee know angst #lee felix angst #seungmin angst #yang jeongin angst #stray kids angst #stray kids anniversary

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

So Me and my boyfriend have been dating since highschool Jr year. It's been a while since then, I'm in trade school and he works at McDonald's. Lately, he's been working very late, for two weeks straight and I understand he's been busy but it feels like he was ignoring me Because the times he was "working" were more than 8-hour long shifts. This cycle kept repeating for 2 weeks and during these 2 weeks, I would express to him that I felt ignored and neglected since he barely had been speaking to me. I was lucky if I got 10 texts a day at most. Which compared to before was very little. I would tell him how I felt and he would apologize saying "sorry babe didn't mean to make you feel that way" and then he would turn around and ignore me again in the same day or the day after. This started to wear on me and it felt like I was being brushed off each time. And this Thursday it all came to a head. For context I suffer from bpd, and being ignored triggers me, I am working on the issue and trying to be better but these past 2 weeks it feels like he was just doing the one thing I asked him not to do, over and over again. And he didn't communicate very well to me, if he was stressed with work or having issues at home I would have understood if he briefly explained. But he didn't I would ask him over and over again if he was okay and he'd just brush me off and say he's fine.

This last thrusday though he did the same thing, from Thursday 9 am to 7. He was "working" and only sent me 4 texts that day. I asked him what was up and why he won't communicate with me and he ignored me MORE. And I had enough and just blew up, I told him that how he was treating me isn't fair, and it's making me unhappy and I feel negelcted and not loved, I told him I felt like he was pushing me away and for what reason I'm not sure. I was fed up and told him if he wanted to break up we could but if he didn't he should call me to work things out. He didn't call me and ignored me more. I took a few hours to myself and then I texted him to explain more, and kind of apologize. I told him that I didn't mean to be so explosive with my anger but I still feel like my dwellings were valid and I explained to him that he just went cold on me for two weeks and didn't explain anything to me. And it feels like I cannot reach him anymore, and that I don't want to break up and work on things if I made him unhappy. But it wasn't fair for him to go cold on me like that. I told him I loved him but there's only so much I can take and I needed space, He once again ignored me. This time going silent for 3 days completely.

I texted him like a day later asking if we could speak the following day. Nothing. I asked him the next day if we could meet to the same day, ignored again. I was worried about him so I texted him again the next day asking if he was at least okay and he ignored me for a couple of hours, before saying he was fine and he's not ready to talk. I respected that and told him I understand and to text when he was ready. I also apologized to him and told him that i was truly sorry for how i acted and that he didnt deserve that. He lied again and said he had work that day (it was Sunday, before the fight happened he told me he ONLY had Sunday off, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to have someone working for 7 days straight) I didn't call him out on this because I was scared I'd upset him more so I just told him I loved him and to have a good day at work.

He ignored me, again.

Please be so honest, am I the asshole? I feel like the asshole for blowing up on him and I know it was wrong for me to do that to him but I just felt stuck and emotionally stuck after being hurt by him almost daily and telling him so only to get ignored. On my end this feels shitty, and I do wish I could take back what happened but I can't. I also feel this is unfair, everytime My feelings get hurt and I express them he doesn't go to the same lengths to Apologize or make it up to me or even make a long term change, but when I hurt his feelings he acts like this and acts like I just committed some war crime against him. Maybe im being unfair but I feel unheard. I'm afraid this may be the end of our relationship and i dont want that.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[wispscribbles]

Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)

Hiii. So

As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol

I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.

I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.

So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.

Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.

I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.

I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.

So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.

And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.

Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.

I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh

The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.

I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.

But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.

Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3

Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)

#if u don’t wanna read: I’ll be taking a small break for mental health reasons but expect to be back and creating for this fandom again <3 #mw3 #mw3 spoilers #cod mwiii #mwiii spoilers #call of duty mwiii #ghostsoap #wispy update #always feel anxious posting anything emotional but feel like this one deserved a proper update #you’re all wonderful ppl ily #hopefully see you soon !

[blueskittlesart]

Hey it's the anon who wants to play BOTW but is egregious bad at video games again. I took your advice and I've shocked myself at how much progress i've made, I got to the goron village, korok forest, and rito village. One current issue is that I am still. SO bad at the combat. Like SO bad. I panic immediately and lose all coordination (which I already had very little of). I managed to get myself killed before I could even get to the point where Sidon GIVES YOU the quest to get to Zora's domain. I completely fumbled through a minor test of strength.

Any tips for improving general combat capabilities. HELP

hi! first of all, i'm gonna go over the basics of combat and how/when you should use them. the game does technically tell you these things, but they come up early game and are pretty easy to miss imo. you might know some of them already tho!

the first thing that's probably going to be really helpful to you if you don't already know about it is enemy targeting. this locks the camera in place on a specific enemy, even within a horde of them, giving you free reign to abandon the right stick and focus on button pressing. to target an enemy, get close and press the left trigger (ZL.) this will also equip your shield if you're using a one-handed weapon, but the targeting is the most important. Once you're locked in on one enemy, so long as you keep the trigger pressed, the camera will auto-lock into a straight line from link's back to the enemy, so there's no need for you to worry about camera controls. if you DO touch the right stick while targeting, the target camera will jump to the next closest enemy to link and auto-lock again. in general, when fighting, your left pointer should be pressing the trigger to target at all times, your left thumb should be on the stick moving link around, and your right thumb should be pressing Y and shouldn't move from that button. that's the basic combat configuration and there aren't a lot of scenarios where you're going to have to do much more than that (except maybe the right trigger for your bow.)

next is weapon classes. there are 3 different melee weapon classes in botw--swords, greatswords, and polearms. each weapon class has a different attack pattern and speed, and each class has its own strengths and weaknesses.

swords are any weapon link swings one-handed. (examples include the master sword, broadswords, tree branches, boomerangs, small boko clubs, etc.) they have a decently fast attack pattern and when they're equipped link can also use a shield in his left hand with ZL. this is my favorite weapon class, as it's pretty middle-of-the road, usually they have mid-range attack points, as previously mentioned their attack speed isn't too slow, and they come with the added bonus of being able to use a shield. if you're fighting something like a guardian where shielding is necessary, you should always aim to be using a sword-class weapon as it's the only weapon class that link can also hold a shield with.

greatswords are heavy two-handed weapons (examples include claymores and bigger boko clubs.) they usually have very large attack stats, often in the 50s or above, which makes them tempting, especially early game. however, they have several noticeable drawbacks that make them my least favorite weapon class. because of their weight, their attack speed is very low, and because they're two-handed link can't shield when he has one equipped. I personally stay away from this weapon class early-game--imo they're only worth it if you have both hearts and stamina to spare. I only ever use them for hard-hitting charged attacks after stunning an enemy, and will almost always switch back to a sword-class weapon for regular combat.

polearms are long, light two-handed weapons that link holds like a spear (examples include spears, halberds, and tridents.) these have the fastest attack speed in the game, but because they're two-handed link still can't shield with one equipped. these weapons also usually have a longer reach than swords and greatswords, so they can be useful if you don't want to get too close to what you're fighting (however you forfeit the more reliable protection of a shield in order to get that benefit.) these are useful in a pinch, and personally i won't actively discard them like i tend to do with greatswords, but they definitely don't have the same versatility and ease of use as a sword-class weapon.

for early-game, i'd try to stick to sword-class weapons as much as possible, and ALWAYS have your shield up with the left trigger/ZL when you're in combat. this alone will make you harder to hit and let you last a lot longer. with the limited weapon slots you have early-game, i'd focus on collecting weapons that are easy for you to use rather than the ones with the highest attack stats, especially since they're going to break anyway. be willing to sacrifice a high-attack greatsword for a lower-attack one-handed sword in a pinch.

as for the actual mechanics of combat, there are plenty of fancy things you CAN do, but very few of them are actually necessary to beat the game. you can get through 90% of all combat in botw by just targeting with ZL and mashing Y, maybe occasionally sprinting with B to avoid enemy attacks. there are shrines and npcs that will teach you fancy things like backflips and perfect-dodges, which are useful if you can reliably perform them, but if you're someone who gets easily confused when you have to perform a lot of button presses in quick succession, it'll probably be more useful for you to just stick to Y attacks.

the one special combo attack you ARE going to need to learn in order to get through the game is a perfect shield parry, which is going to sound scary and difficult when i explain it but i promise it becomes like second nature after a while. this combo is the easiest way to combat anything that has a laser-beam attack, like guardians and certain late-game bosses. you hold your shield up with ZL, (this combo can ONLY be performed if you're holding a one-handed weapon, and make sure you're targeting the enemy attacking you and not just holding your shield up at nothing) wait for the laser to lock onto you, (the target line will blink rapidly and then disappear just before the laser fires) and then, right when the laser hits your shield, hit the A button to redirect the beam back towards the enemy. there is some level of danger here, because if you press A too early the beam may hit you, but most of the time if you fail to perform a perfect parry the beam will still just bounce off your shield and not do any damage to you. there are plenty of stationary guardians on the map you can use to practice this skill until the timing is ingrained into you, and i would highly recommend practicing it as it's super useful late-game.

as a final note, remember that botw is a game designed for versatility. it seems like you're doing everything very by-the-book--fighting whenever the game tells you to fight, regardless of whether you really WANT to fight. and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also by no means the only way to get through the game. if you find yourself struggling with melee combat, there's nothing stopping you from buying a bunch of bomb arrows and just firing them off at enemies from afar, or even just eating a shit ton of stealth food and sneaking around them. certain combat scenarios are going to be unavoidable, but botw is a game that prioritizes player innovation, meaning that very rarely is there going to only be one way out of a situation. if you're struggling with melee combat, try something else! try your bow, or a rune, or avoiding combat altogether, until you find something that sticks and makes the game fun for you. there's no wrong way to play!

#also worth noting--if you get scared by the quick weapon-switch mechanics mid battle you can literally just pause and open your inventory #to manually switch if your weapon breaks. you don't NEED to use the D-pad for anything except runes if you don't want to #asks

[chiharuhashibira]

"Will I ever get the chance to tell you the truth?"

It can be read as it is or can be taken as a sequel to 𝑫𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆? if you don't want an open ending.

Check this song too!

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

𝑳𝒐𝒔𝒕

𝐀 𝐊𝐲𝐨𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐤𝐮 𝐎𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭

Trigger Warning: Thoughts about dying/Angst/Death

Missing you is an understatement, Kyojuro.

I'm lost.

How many letters should I write for you?

How many hours should I wait for you?

Yes, I am waiting for you. Every day, when I wake up... It is you.

As much as I wanted to be greedy, I couldn't.

Because how could I be greedy if you're not around me?

You won't ever know how lost I am right now.

Before, it was only your eyes that I wanted to get lost in. I wanted to drown in it.

Take my breath.

Take my life.

Take me, Kyojuro.

For the first time, I want you to only think of me.

For the last time, I want to be there by your side.

I want you.

I need you, Kyojuro.

I am longing for you.

Let me touch you.

If you only knew that there are hundreds of words that I couldn't ever tell you.

Kyojuro, you're so innocent.

Kyojuro, you're so pure.

It's as if I shouldn't even touch you. I don't want to stain you.

Conversations. Our nonchalant exchange of thoughts.

Do you know how happy I was when I got the chance to wake up next to you?

Do you know how glad I am to see you first thing in the morning?

Do you know how excited I am to listen to your laugh?

Do you know how shivers run up on my body in a good way whenever I get lost in your voice?

Oh God. Those eyes. Take me.

I really love you.

Kyojuro, I badly wanted to tell you those.

But will I ever get the chance to tell you the truth?

What if you're gone already?

What if what happened to us was just a chapter?

Did I waste my chance?

Should I have confessed back then?

Let me touch you, Kyojuro. Even for a moment.

I'm lost. I can't breathe.

Please come for me.

I love you.

I love you.

Please love me too.

Tears ran up on my cheek as I wrote another letter for Kyojuro, knowing that he wouldn't be able to read it anymore.

If I could only turn back time, I should have spoken about my feelings with him back then. Perhaps he would have given me the chance. Perhaps he'll still be with me right now.

That 12 hours of waiting stopped when he wrote back. I can clearly remember the sigh of relief that escaped from my lips.

He's much sweeter, apologising for making me worried. He even asked me out. That kind of "go out," perhaps?

But I was just so naive.

On that supposed tour of his designated region, we weren't even working. He's just there, looking at me. He's just there, holding my hand.

I can't breathe.

I can't even fathom how to react.

He looked at me as if he wanted to be found too.

I can remember the time when he gave me that wonderful embrace when I managed to do something I never thought I could. I tried the Fire Breathing style. He was happy.

He even wanted me to be his tsugoku instead.

But I said no.

For fuck's sake, I said no to the only chance to be with him for the longest time.

I should have chosen to be greedy, even for just once.

I should have chosen Kyojuro.

But now, it's too late.

I never knew he'd break something he told me.

"We'll never get married if we're like this. We'll even grow old together, perhaps?"

However, why did you say yes to her?

Why did you forget about me in an instant?

Should you just have died in the Mugen Train mission?

Is that the better outcome for me? For us? Or is it just my anger at its boiling point?

I wouldn't ever want to see you die. I'd rather die first.

But if I ever die, would you ever think of me again? Even for a moment.

"You were my first in lots of things, Kyojuro. Why can't I be your last?" I asked myself as I tossed the unsent letter on the fire.

Kyojuro will never know how lost I am without him. Kyojuro will never know this chapter of mine.

I can't even organise my thoughts. All I know is I think of him. I am waiting for him to send me those letters.

Waiting for him to ask me on another escapade.

Waiting for him to choose me again.

Right now, you're just a picture. Right now, you're so inaccessible.

I stared at the letter, which is now turning into ashes. I wanted to just send them to Kyojuro. But I can't.

It's too late.

It's too late for me and you, right?

But then, deep in the night, a few knocks kicked me out of my trance. Who might this be?

Without thinking, I opened the door, and there I was, face to face with the one thing that could kill me instantly. I felt the shiver run up my spine as tears fell down on my cheek.

"I finally found you, Y/N."

And this voice... I would never have thought that I'd be able to hear this again. "Kyojuro..."

Before I could say anything, his lips crashed against mine.

I wanted to ask why, but I can't find the strength to do so. My knees weakened, and I fell to the floor. Kyojuro will never know how much I wanted to be found. Even this time.

But despite not knowing, he still found me... somehow.

I felt his arms wrap around me as he lifted me up and closed the door behind him.

I'm getting weaker.

Slowly, he put me down on the futon and caressed my face. I looked into his eyes, and he tranquilly embraced me for a moment. I needed this. I needed him.

I can breathe once again. Right?

"You didn't need to leave. You didn't give me the chance to talk to you."

A small smile formed on my lips as I watched his jolly facade fade. This is the real Kyojuro. This is the Kyojuro that only I was able to see before everything went down. I slowly put my hands on his face and cupped his chin.

"How did you find me?"

"I have been searching for you with the help of my Kasugai crow for months. Why did you leave?"

"You don't need me anymore."

"And who told you that?"

"Your actions told me that."

"And my immature actions brought you to leave me and Tomioka-san? I was discharged after the Mugen Train incident... I was depressed. I was—"

"And you found her. You were happy once again."

"She never became as special as you. I'm so sorry if it appeared to be like that. I only cared this way for you. It's just..."

"We can never be together, right?"

"We can, if you will just stay with me this time."

"You sure you'll want to be with a Demon? I haven't even had the chance to change fully. These thoughts of you kept this sanity, this weak part of me, awake. I shouldn't have taken this deal if I'll just end up like this. You know, I wish I just turned fully and lost every memory so you would just have killed me. You see, I'm getting weaker."

"We're going to get Tamayo-san's help."

"I killed people. I've been lost, Kyojuro. Let me be."

"I'm going to bring you back."

Fear never crept into the windows of his soul, unlike the things I witnessed before, after I turned. I don't even know how I got the chance to stay like this. How did I regain my humanity after those murderous attempts?

I don't deserve this.

"Just let me rest, Kyojuro. I'm in peace knowing I've seen you before I'm leaving for real."

"Then I'll follow you."

His words made me sigh. I could never stop his stubbornness. I could still remember that time when he embraced me after his mission. He didn't care about the consequences of it.

Like now. He still didn't care at all.

"I'm sorry, Kyojuro, for hurting you. I... I loved you. Always will."

"I do too. I love you. I'm sorry if it took so long for me to say it. Please don't leave me."

I got lost in his eye as I watched tears slip from it. He lost the other one, and that made me sad, but still, I'm happy that he is here.

I've been longing to touch him, and so I did. I gathered all my strength to sit down and gently kiss him.

"Let me rest, Kyojuro. I promise, we'll see each other again. I'll just repent of my sins, and I swear, I'll come back for you. I love you. Let me die in your arms."

"Come back for me, okay?"

"I will."

And with a tinge of pain... Everything went black.

"Hey, Doc. You look oddly familiar."

"Apparently, you do too, Mister. Do I know you?"

I took the bandages and wrapped them around his torso. This man had a minor car accident that involved him taking a gash on his chest and arms.

As far as I know, I have never known him before. Actually, it was the first time that I've seen this man, but it feels like I've been with him for a very long time. There's just a longing feeling in my chest, and I can't even fathom where this is coming from.

"I don't think so. But I guess we can change that. I'm Kyojuro, a history professor around the area. You?"

The boldness that Kyojuro possesses amazed me. It made me smile. "Y/N. Your doctor. Nice meeting you, Kyojuro."

Locking our eyes together, he held my hand, and a spark suddenly ignited inside of me. What's this? If he continues to look at me this way, I might get lost in his wonderful orbs.

"You look pretty, Y/N. I've been searching for you."

And with his innocent and pure words, I felt a distant memory come back to me. Tears ran up my cheeks as I embraced him tight.

"Kyojuro, you've found me again."

"And I will never let you get lost again this time."

𝑶𝑴𝑮 𝑺𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒒𝒘𝒒

(I wish I know the answer irl... XD)

Anyways, thank you for reading this angsty fic!

It kind of made me feel much better. See you on my other fics!

Love yah all!!!

~𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓾-𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓷🌸

#demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer imagines #kimetsu no yaiba #rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku #kny rengoku #demon slayer rengoku #kyojuro rengoku x reader #rengoku #rengoku kyojuro #rengoku kyoujurou #kyojuro #kny kyojuro #rengoku kyōjurō #kimestu no yaiba #kyojuro x reader #demon slayer kyojuro #kyojuro x fem!reader #kyojuro x y/n #kyojuro x you #kyojuro x oc #rengoku x y/n #rengoku x you #rengoku x tanjiro #rengoku x oc

[jenniferjareauwife]

can you write a jj x reader or Carina x reader based on the song Sara by we three and can you make the reader survive please

Sara

pairing: jennifer jareau x fem reader

category: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: depression, suicide attempt

word count: 816

summary: based on the song sara by we three

I took another drink while staring straight at the wall, my FBI issued gun sitting on the counter. JJ wasn't supposed to be home until later and I was alone in every sense. I was on my fourth drink of the night, just to keep my finger off the trigger.

I wasn't even phased when I heard JJ come through the door. I was so out of it that I probably should've jumped but I was so drunk and focused that nothing could pull me out of it. "Hey."

"Hm." I grunted.

"Whatcha drinking?"

"Whiskey."

"Oh." She set her bag down and walked towards me. She knew I only drank whiskey on bad nights. "What's wrong?" She took one whiff of my breath and her nose wrinkled. "How many drinks have you had?"

"Four."

"Still level headed." She said quietly.

"Mm." I leaned back against the couch, taking another sip before she took the glass out of my hands.

"Seriously. What's wrong."

"Nothing."

"If it were nothing you wouldn't be drinking like this-"

"I'm fine-"

"You're not-"

"Just stop." I felt a single tear roll down my cheek but I couldn't bring myself to wipe it away so she did. "Nothing numbs it anymore." I whispered weakly. I saw her freeze out of the corner of my eye once she saw my gun. I usually kept it locked in my nightstand so keeping it down here was unusual.

"I'm gonna go upstairs, ok? I'll be right back." She grabbed my gun and I took in a sharp breath, I didn't really care anymore. I wasn't gonna pull the trigger while she was here, I wouldn't do that to her.

Once she came back downstairs she curled up on the couch next to me, wrapping her arms around my torso and resting her head on my shoulder. "I love you." She kissed my jaw once and then fell asleep.

Two weeks later I was sitting on the floor of our bathroom, my knees pulled up to my chest. JJ wasn't home again, she almost never was anymore. I knew she would come if I called but she didn't need to be burdened with this. She didn't need to be burdened by me anymore, it's not fair for her to have to put up with me everyday and constantly worry about me just because I can't handle my fucking emotions and my stupid brain.

I grabbed a notepad and wrote down a letter to JJ. I should at least leave her that. Then I took a razor and slit my wrists. It was the easiest decision I had ever made and that didn't even scare me until my vision was blurring and went black.

I woke up in a hospital bed, two warm hands gripping one of mine. The lights were almost blinding as I slowly opened them. "Hey." I turned my head to the side slightly and saw the most beautiful woman ever. JJ. I smiled softly.

"Hi...why am I here?"

"I found you...in our bathroom." She didn't say anything else. I saw her tear up and I wanted nothing more than to wipe her tears away but she didn't let me let go of her hand. "Don't...don't I need this." A few tears fell down her cheeks. "I thought I lost you!"

"I'm-"

"I don't want to hear apologies, ok? Don't apologize for how you feel. Don't ever do that."

"But I-"

"Do you regret it?"

"Um...yeah. Now I do. But I didn't...I didn't when I did it and...I didn't even feel bad. It only took me a second to make the decision and that's..."

"Scary?"

"Yeah that's so scary now that I'm thinking about it." My voice broke as I tried to hold back tears. "I-I'm sorry."

"Shh. I already told you, no apologies-"

"But I-"

"No baby. No apologies." She squeezed my hand before bringing it to her lips for a soft kiss. "It's ok."

"I didn't want to hurt you." She frowned but nodded.

"I'm glad you woke up. You have no idea how happy I am right now."

"You're happy?"

"Of course I'm happy. You survived. I've never been happier than this, I thought I was going to lose you and I didn't." She held my hand tighter. "I didn't lose you." Her voice cracked. "I don't know what I would've done if I had lost you." A few more tears rolled down her cheeks and I wiped them away this time. "I love you so much, I just want you to be alright. I'm willing to do anything to make that the case, ok?" I nodded and bit my lip to keep myself from sobbing. "I love you so much. Please don't leave me."

"I won't." I sniffled. "I'm so sorry, I won't."

"I'm so glad to have you back."

"I love you JJ. I love you."

"I love you too."

#criminal minds #jennifer jareau #x reader #jennifer jareau x reader #lgbtq #wlw post #jennifer jareau x you

[itgomyway]

lets talk about beliefs, the ego, and self concept 🤍🍥

getting into mental health topics including post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, flashbacks, panic attacks.

going back to loa, if you remember the ego is the one where beliefs are held and is a slave to self concept. if you have a hard time not identifying as the doer/ego and it has shitty beliefs/self concept, the observer (all of it being you) will continue to observe toxic patterns because you’re so used to identifying as the ego.

i will use myself as an example :) whenever i have a ptsd episode* it is horrifying for me to identify as the ego because of what “I” perceive is happening. events that the ego believe are happening “again*” are not only not real, but only seem real because it presents itself in many ways but specifically for me, anxiety. and everything psychological is equally biological so during these attacks, these symptoms manifest physically. so yeah it’s very hard to “let myself be” when all of this is happening and i dont wanna feel this and i think it’s gonna ruin everything. so what do i do?

nothing. i let myself feel these emotions because it is unhealthy to not address my triggers. i let myself cry because consciousness knows none of this is real and knows not to listen to thoughts that DO NOT ACTUALLY EXIST. whether or not “you” believe it, youre consciousness!

i talked myself through them. i always believed “whatever the mind doesn’t tell you, the body will. listen.” so after dealing with my triggers i began to try to just take care of my mental being. i wasnt worried about anything i just did what i had to do which was go to work. however during this attack, i realized my ego, where beliefs are held, has bad self concept issues. and while consciousness is not bound by self concept at all, the ego is. and during mental health episodes it is hard to just be! so i stopped trying. you shouldn’t be in the first place “trying” to do anything.

i addressed areas in my life that didn’t feel right to the ego & i consciously identified as it. and there were a lot of tears and a lot of pain. but guess what. nothing bad happened to me in my reality despite my ego literally panicking. that just proved to my ego that i am okay and will always be okay. no matter what i got this. no matter how far i seem to fall, i will always be okay.

now im back as the observer but those times when i see or hear anything jarring in my reality i just remind myself that i got us no matter what. i took care of myself because i deserve it. i am safe now because i deserve it. i don’t suffer because i don’t deserve to.

thats self concept ♡

© itgomyway

*ptsd episode; ptsd is “a disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.”

*again; they’re not actually happening the ego just believes they are because awareness is on it but remember anything that can come and go through your awareness is not real. so everything but you is fake!

#consciousness #nonduality #nondualism #awareness #law of assumption #self concept

[justalia]

hey alia! i asked you something a while back. don’t worry, this isn’t a question, but it’s more of like a success story, but anon advice at the same time?

anyway, i’ve (thankfully) been freed from overconsumption, and i figured out how i can fulfill myself! or apply the law, basically.

first: i pin pointed what i wanted to feel. my desires didn’t really seem out of reach, but the feeling of desiring them annoyed me. but then, it hit me, i wanted to feel like i’m actually my inner self! she’s the only one who has what i want so why not start actually identifying as her (yeah ik you’re supposed to be doing that but then again ocd is sooo fun)

second : i figured out what really fulfilled me, in the sense of making myself know that i have something. something that REALLY made me get into the state and go back there. and that thing was thinking from the perception of having my desire! i have aphantasia, so visualizing was HELL for me. then i remembered that i never visualized anything to manifest beforehand, so, why try to force it? it’s way easier to go back to my desired state because i already KNOW i have it, why? my true self is my inner self, what she has, i have. so thinking from her perspective makes everything easier to navigate, to the point where i barely get triggered by my 3d anymore.

pro tip: i think from the perception of knowing that i have it internally. the 3d is just a mirror and it’s always reflecting who i’m being within, even if my senses don’t show it. so, there’s no point of trying to think like i have what i want out here. like, would you try to convince your reflection that you have a shirt on, when you already know that you have it on?

third: i persist! or just continue knowing that i already have what i want. because i do lol. belief and acceptance are just a feeling anyway so that took a lot of pressure off me! and every time i feel that lack, i just repeat step two and three.

i consider this as my first “big”, official success story. i’m in the state of being in my desired reality at the moment, and imagining is so much more fun for me now! even if i have my moments of doubt, i remember who i really am, my inner self! i don’t care about seeing my dr in my 3d anymore because i know that i’m in it so who cares.

so, to conclude this ask:

imagination is the only reality, because you can’t experience anything outside of it.

your inner self is who you really are, and basically who you want to be. so start being them in imagination by figuring out what fulfills you.

persist in being after you fulfill yourself, and just discard your senses in the 3d. not the 3d ITSELF, just your senses. they’re not showing you who you really are anyways, so why would you want to go back to that, tf? lol

remember! you are in barbados! you already have what you want! stick to your new story by continuing to be who you want in imagination, and your 3d senses will express that! it’s the law! stop worrying, and start being!

that’s all i have to say, bye now!

good for u babe, thank you for sharing

[alice-after-dark]

So...the falling out (ft. why Vox is in Hell)

(Getting this out of the way, I have VERY mixed feelings about Valentino. On one hand, he is a great character. On the other had, he is an absolutely horrible person and I just can't bring myself to like him the way I love Vox and Velvette. I am very interested in seeing what the show does with him and how he is handled, considering the concept is all about redemption and the dude has done some pretty heinous shit)

But ultimately this post is about Alastor and Vox and their falling out and what - or rather who - caused it.

TW for implied sexual abuse, abusive relationships, gaslighting, manipulation, and other canon-typical triggers. Also gonna put homophobia with the disclaimer that Alastor doesn't actually mean it that way, but that's how Vox hears it. Perceived homophobia is more accurate. This also technically contains StaticMoth but I'm not tagging it because it's not exactly in favor of the relationship and I don't want to dump it into the tag of people who enjoy the ship.

See, while Alastor may be a serial killer, we see that he has his own twisted moral compass, so someone like Valentino rubs him in all the wrong ways. He greatly dislikes the moth and detests the idea of any association with him.

Vox on the other hand, well, scumbags are a dime a dozen in his industry. From his perspective, it's just something that comes with the territory, a necessary evil. You want to succeed in this industry? You put up with some nasty behavior. So when he sees Valentino rising to power and creating his own empire, he only sees the business potential. His industry has already well trained him to turn a blind eye to things like Valentino's unsavory nature for the sake of progress and his own success. How he feels about things on a personal level doesn't matter. The industry doesn't care about your sensitive little morals (will probably expand on this further in a different post, but I do believe that Vox learned the hard way that no one cares and you have to do what you have to do to get ahead).

So when Vox initially proposes an official partnership, Alastor is actually down...until he learns Valentino will be a part of the package. This leads to them arguing, Alastor basically telling Vox he has to choose between them, the first time Alastor calls Vox a "pathetic sell out," and the Radio Demon flat out accusing him of whoring himself out to Valentino for a business deal (this one particularly hurts because, again, the idea of sleeping with someone to get a better deal is just par the course for Vox. He's learned to push down those feeling of self-disgust and now here Alastor is dragging them out into the spotlight and shaming him for it). Alastor utterly refuses to be associated with Valentino and is disgusted that Vox would even entertain the thought and this ultimately ends with a fight and them parting ways, both feeling self-righteous, betrayed, and offended by the other.

And Valentino, having witnessed the entire thing and ever one to take advantage of a situation, gets his claws deep into a VERY insecure and hurt Vox by just reinforcing that Alastor never cared about him and was just using him for entertainment.

"But don't worry, Voxxy. I care about you..."

And now Vox, who has spent his entire human life hiding that his attraction extended to men as well as women and is desperately looking for comfort after losing someone he allowed himself to care very deeply about, falls right into the moth's trap, ironically getting himself into one of those situations he always turned a blind eye to (it is Hell after all and what is Hell without ironic suffering?).

Meanwhile Alastor has lost one of the few demons he viewed as a true ally and friend and to make it sting all the more he lost them to someone like Valentino. The very idea that Vox picked a disgusting creature like Valentino over him is crushing. He feels used, discarded, and worthless (which is a state ripe for some bad deal making, wouldn't you say?).

Tis all for now. Would love to hear people's thoughts on this!

#radiostatic #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel #hazbin headcanons #valentino hazbin hotel

[ballofweirdsunshine]

Red Tainted Glass.

Megumi Fushiguro x F!Reader

Warning: cursing, blood.

~TRIGGER WARNING~

word count: 848 (kinda short)

tried to make as accurate as possible🤭 this is my first fic✨

THIS WAS A DRAFT AND IT DIDNT SAVE HALF OF IT SO I HAD TO REWRITE😭

Summary: While finishing up a mission, your technique takes a large toll on you, making you cough up glass and blood at least 3 times a day. Now, you have to mask your distress from your friends, boyfriend, and just people in general.

Pilot : Hiding.

Shit.

Thats what you felt like.

Utter shit.

How were you gonna tell everyone, especially your own boyfriend?

Things are hard and complicated.

As you walked back onto campus, you felt the infamous sharp pain in your neck arrive once again.

You felt the sudden urge to cough.

Yet, you fought it back.

You can’t bear anyone knowing about your problems.

You continued to walk around campus to locate back to your dorm.

…

You soon find yourself on your bed, staring at the wall in thought.

It wasn’t like you were actually thinking about anything, you just needed to recenter.

Snapping back to reality, you find the urge to see what your peers are up to now.

The sun was setting so they couldn’t be doing a lot during this time.

Getting up from your bed, you suddenly drop to the ground almost immediately.

Your throat aches as you feel the iron taste of crimson blood touch your tongue.

You clench your eyelids tightly before coughing violently.

“How the fuck do I find myself in situations like this?” You thought while dribbles of blood and chunks of glass come piling out of your throat.

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes while you feel your body start to tremble and shake rather quickly.

You try to fight back the drops of salty tears before it spills out of your weary eyes.

You feel a stop to the aching pain in your throat, as you let out a shaky sigh of relief.

You sit up and off of your trembling knees while you decide to quickly clean up your bloody mess before someone checks out all of your coughing commotion.

…

“What the hell am I gonna do? Even if I do decide to tell someone, who?!” You ask yourself, pacing around the room nervously.

”Maki? No, she’d just stress me out more by urging me to tell everyone. Panda? Nah, he’d accidentally tell someone off the bat.”

“Ugh! Deciding is hard.” You whine, dramatically plopping yourself on your bed.

“What is causing this..?” You mutter under your breath, staring at the floor hopelessly.

——————-

“Hey, has anyone seen y/n? Gojo-sensei said that she had gotten back from her mission a couple hours ago.” Yuji asked, walking into the room, rubbing the back of his neck while quickly scanning the room.

“You worried?” Megumi said, not looking up from his book to acknowledge his pink haired friend.

“A lil. She still owes me that dango and I was really looking forward to it!” The pinkette whined dramatically.

“She probably needed a break from you two bozos.” A orange haired girl retorted, pointing at Megumi and Yuji.

“Hey! I’m not a bozo!” Yuji shouted, feeling offended by the sudden negative comment.

“But if you wanna check on her, I’m not stopping you. If anything, she’s most likely sleeping.” She spoke as she lifted up her forearms in defense.

“Sleeping? She’s scary when cranky! You check on her, Fushiguro!” Yuji shrieked, obviously afraid of you when woken up.

“Just don’t wake her up.” Megumi replied dryly, still not even shooting a single glance up from his book.

“I’ll wake her up for sure! Not only because she’s scary. You’re her boyfriend so if anyone could get her to open her door, it’s you.” Yuji shuddered, ignoring his sea urchin haired friend’s suggestions.

“Fine.” Megumi sighed defeatedly, setting down his book and walking towards the dormitories.

While walking, the faint smell of blood lingered in the air.

It wasn’t enough for a human with normal smell to detect but it was still there.

Megumi arrived at your dorm, raising his arm to knock but stopping himself from doing so.

He felt nervous.

He didn’t feel nervous often.

He really didn’t.

Why was he nervous now?

He pushed his confusing thoughts away for later and pulled himself to knock.

“Y/n?” He called out.

No answer.

“Huh, that’s weird.” Megumi thought. “She normally answers the first time..”

He knocked again.

No answer.

Ok, now he was getting worried.

He softly placed his palm on the door handle, slowly wrapping his fingers around the handle.

He opened the door to see the lights completely out, making the room almost impossible to navigate.

Your body wrapped in blankets, back facing Megumi and breathing slowly with slightly unkept strands of h/c colored hair visible.

“She’s asleep, that’s all.” Megumi thought to himself, closing the door and letting out a soft exhale of breath he was unintentionally holding.

“So, is she in there?”

Megumi jumped at the sudden question from his pink haired peer.

“Yeah, she’s just sleeping.” He responds, turning to Yuji as he quickly regained his calm composure.

“Got it.” Yuji answered, shifting his gaze elsewhere.

“Come to mention it, y/n has been a bit more secretive lately..” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re at least right about that.” Megumi responded dryly.

“Maybe we should ask Kugisaki about it! She’s a girl.” Yuji suggested, lighting up at his sudden idea.

“No, I don’t think we should bother her.”

“If ya say so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading! I might make this a series but I don’t know yet. Depends on how much attention this post gets! Bye!

-Sayori <3

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